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whatifyoulivelikethat · 1 year

Text

spring snow, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: In memory of you, the one I should have loved when it counted. But I didn’t. I’m sorry. To the backdrop of the black sky and white flakes falling down, you and Jeon Jungkook learn that you are far more connected than you could ever believe. I miss you.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; slow burn - struggles with letting go of the past, ponderings of adulthood, and feels; smut (fem reader, heavy making out, f and m-receiving oral, penetrative sex); non-idol!AU - JK walks reader home every day after work; switches between Jungkook’s POV and yours

this is a very different format from my usual. i let my hands do whatever they wanted to do. about people and relationships... and porn with feelings XD

I miss you.

It’s crazy that I think that now. Back then, I couldn’t wait to get out.

I miss you.

Sometimes I stay awake on purpose. I don’t want to fall asleep and see you. If I see you in my dreams, I miss you more. I remember what each season with you was like. Warm nights lit up by fireworks and bites of crushed-up watermelon from strong but unstable hands. Cold afternoons with warm breath against my palms, watching the leaves tumble down. Endless nights surrounded by white flakes tumbling from the sky.

I fill my days with the way it was, and I fill my nights with broken dreams.

I wish I could say I wrote that but, actually, I read that from my hyung’s notebook. He’s good with words. I’m not. Or maybe it’s from a song. He likes writing down lyrics that stick with him. Anyway, you you would have liked him. He might have inspired you back then. You always liked intelligence since you felt like you lacked it.

Now I know that was precious too, those moments of innocence.

I miss you.

I should have held onto you more closely back then.

I should have but I didn’t know.

I’m sorry I didn’t. That’s what I wanted to say.

I miss you.

I see you clearly when I close my eyes. It’s spring. The trees have flowered and the petals are being blown by the wind. Your hair flies up from the breeze. That expression you make, mild surprise and wonder as the pink petals surround you in a halo and then disappear into the sky and the horizon.

I like your eyes.

They’re so pretty.

It’s not realistic, but I like to pretend it is.

But you’re right. Spring is usually a lot of rain. Blue moods and grey days. You were always right about those things. I bet you’re still right about them now. You have to be, huh? Always realistic. Did you ever think you should pretend a little more? Just a little bit. Maybe, if you did… back then.

I miss you.

I try to forget about you.

I try to lose myself so I can forget about you. I don’t think it’s working though.

Fuck, I miss you.

I thought about you today.

Do you remember that there was a time you thought kissing was so important? You acted like it was super gross, but the truth was that you couldn’t imagine kissing just anybody. It had to be someone really important.

That’s weird, you know.

That’s so weird. It’s only a kiss.

Just a kiss.

Would you tell me not to kiss her?

Would you tell me she’s not important enough? That I’m wasting something really important? I thought about it. I thought about you, so I didn’t do it. I almost got close. But I couldn’t do it. I thought about your face looking back at me. And I couldn’t do it.

I still want to, though.

The night was really cold. I wanted to hold her hand, at least. But she just smiled at me and tucked her hands in her pockets. She told me to hurry home so I didn’t get sick.

Maybe I should have kissed her.

Fuck.

I’m not holding on. I’m not. Look. You’re only in my head. That’s it. I have a lot of things in this head of mine, not just you. You’re not the only one here. I remember a lot of things from back then, not just you. There’s lots of people in here. Not just you.

Blurry faces, sure.

But still there.

Not just you.

I don’t want to think about you. I hate it. You remind me of bad things. Of cold days. Of blue and grey, of dark nights and missed mornings. Of empty feelings and grasping at nothing. I want to forget. I want to forget those obsidian nights with pearl-white flakes falling from the sky, forget those frozen palms and dead leaves under the feet of passerby, forget those humid, sticky summer nights most of all, those nights were I looked up and saw no stars.

I want to forget the rain and the flower petals that I made up, yeah, those ones that surround your curious face and pretty eyes.

Please.

I want to forget.

Let me forget.

I think everyone feels this. I’ve thought about it. This feeling can’t be exclusive to me, right? For instance, people talk about how they miss their high school friends. They wonder what they’re up to. If they would still be friends now. Would they still like the same things? Or would they move on to different interests? Adults are like that. They talk about back then, school days, carefree vacations, and that hot girl they had a crush on, wondering if they’re still hot now.

I don’t really think I’m an adult, but I do miss you and I do think about back then.

School days.

I was so ready to become an adult, but now that I’m here, and I’m pretty sure adult is a fake word. I don’t think you would have believed me if I told you back then. You just wanted to be an adult and do all the things adults can do. Stay up as long as you want. Not have homework anymore. Adults are free to do whatever they want, right?

Who knows.

I know you wanted to find that real kiss more than anything.

I saw her again.

I think I’m just going to kiss her the next time I get the chance. I don’t really care if she’s important enough or not.

Maybe that’s what adult means.

This is a mistake.

I know you would tell me it is. I don’t care though. I don’t care anymore what you think.

I don’t.

I’m not going to let myself be dragged down by the ghost of you for no reason. What’s the point of the past? To learn from past mistakes, of course. There’s no point in dwelling on those dark nights lying awake with music pumping through earbuds to drown out all the sounds. Look at you. You’re stuck back then and you can’t escape.

Because you’re in my memory and you’re not here.

Don’t drag me down with you.

I’m sorry.

But I can’t think about you anymore, you know?

I really can’t.

I can keep trying to romanticize the past but it’s killing me slowly and I can’t romanticize you any longer because it’s all I can think about and I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating from the thoughts of you and your smile that I can’t seem to remember. I hate that I can’t remember. I should have made you smile. Is it my fault that I can’t remember or my fault that I could never make you smile and that’s why I can’t remember?

Fuck.

I miss you.

I am sorry.

It means nothing now but I don’t know what else to say.

And I know I’m making a mistake. This that I’m chasing now, this is a distraction. You know all about those. I know you do, because you had a lot of hobbies and they were all distractions. I remember those at least. You had your nose in books. You drew a lot. You collected Pokémon cards and hid them in tins in the back of your closet. Yeah. I remember that too.

I know it’s mean of me, but he’s a distraction.

He’s a distraction from you and those memories.

I’m going to kiss him.

And I’m going to forget about you.

I feel guilty.

I thought about you when my lips touched hers.

It was right before she was about to go up to her apartment building. Weirdly cold tonight once again. I could see my breath in the air, right between us. She said it would be a god night for ramyeon. I thought that was funny. I said that she should come over and eat ramyeon.

She just smiled at me and tucked her hands in her pockets.

I thought, ah, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn’t that close the other night. Maybe even though I wanted to kiss her, she didn’t want to kiss me because I wasn’t important enough. Maybe she was sure even though I wasn’t. Is that what being an adult means? I wondered.

But then she stepped a little closer.

I could see my breath in the air, white and foggy, right between us.

She said to me, “I’m going to kiss you.”

I thought about you and then her lips pressed to mine.

They were soft.

She sighed a little and I could taste her breath, sweet and warm.

I feel guilty, because I wasn’t sure, but it still felt nice. I still wanted it. Maybe it was a mistake.

Maybe, but it was a beautiful one.

It’s okay to make mistakes though, isn’t it? I think you would say so. You made a lot of them. Well, that was what being young was about. You used to beat yourself up over them. I wish I could tell you not to do that, but you were really stubborn and you probably wouldn’t listen. You used to think, “When I’m an adult, I won’t make mistakes.”

Maybe that means I’m not an adult yet, because this is probably a mistake.

But.

I want to kiss her again.

I did it.

I kissed him.

He liked it. I’m pretty sure. When I backed up, he had a dropped jaw and big wide eyes. It was kind of funny. Almost like a kid. But that’s okay. It’s no fun being an adult. You understood that, even back then. Even in blue moods and grey days, you didn’t think that being an adult would make it better.

So, when he looked at me with those big round eyes and parted lips, I thought, maybe, maybe you wouldn’t say it’s a mistake.

Maybe.

I thought about taking him up on his offer. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what that not-so-subtle “come over and eat ramyeon” meant. Heh. I thought about it.

But then I thought about you, even though I didn’t mean to.

Maybe you wouldn’t say it’s a mistake, but.

You would shake your head at me, for sure. You would say, don’t.

So, I just kissed him and left him there.

And now I’m here, wondering if I should have just ignored the thought of you. I’m mad at you. I hate you sometimes. But I miss you. I wish I could erase you, because then it wouldn’t hurt as much.

And anyway.

You can’t erase your past.

I wonder if he was happy that I kissed him. Maybe. I feel like he might like that kind of thing. He always reminds me it’s not safe to walk alone. I always tell him it’s a short walk, but he reminds me that he lives only a few blocks away and it’s not a big deal. I let him walk me home, because sometimes I can forget about you when I’m focused on someone else. We don’t always talk, but he’s there. I think he gets off work a little earlier than me, but he always waits.

He waits for me, like the future.

He probably only wants to get laid.

Well, that’s okay too. If he wants me to be his distraction, then maybe he can be mine, even if only for a short while. Maybe he can help me forget about you and I don’t have to miss you anymore.

He had a nice kiss. Soft, with a little gasp, like he was trying to breathe me in.

I want to kiss him again and forget about you.

Do you remember the first time someone held your hand?

She held my hand.

It was very quick. I was fixing the earbud in my ear and then I felt her hand close around my wrist, slipping down because she was walking around me, tugging me into the convenience store. She was saying something about how me mentioning ramyeon the other night reminded her she was almost out, but I didn’t catch all of it.

I was too busy realizing how cold my hand was and how warm hers was.

It’s still cold these days, especially when the sun sets. The day is okay, but I still have to bring my coat to work because I wait for her to get out so I can walk her home.

Anyway, she let go once I started following.

It feels weird telling you this. Maybe you don’t want to hear it. But I was reminded of you.

The radio station was playing an old song. You know, the one that was super popular in middle school and they had to ban it during exams. Haha, yeah, that one. I recognized it right away. She recognized it too and started singing along. Then she noticed that I noticed and I think she got embarrassed.

But.

You know how in the movies, there’s that moment?

I think today was like that.

Because I started singing too and she started backing up really fast and dashing around the aisles and I was following her around and I started dancing as she ran and she was laughing and, I don’t know, it reminded me of you and back then. It was dumb and didn’t really make sense, but that’s how it was back then, wasn’t it? Moments of pure joy, unblemished. We got yelled at and we were told to get out. She didn’t even get to buy any ramyeon. Still, we rushed out and she was laughing and I was laughing too.

It reminded me of you and back then.

But this was different.

She smiled up at me and I kissed her, just like that. I wouldn’t have done that, back then. But I did it without thinking and it felt like the thing to do, because she kissed me the other night and I…

I wanted her to know that I wanted to kiss her too.

It was really nice.

Better than any kiss you had, I know.

If I close my eyes right now, I can still see the way her eyes opened slowly. The way golden hour lit up her face, the way the cold turned her cheeks pink, the way her lips parted.

The way she looked at me.

It reminds me of back then, of you and your innocence.

I miss you.

It’s too fucking cold. Isn’t spring supposed to be coming soon? Why is it so fucking cold?

Hah.

I think I’ve done it now.

I didn’t really mean to. It just kind of happened. Him and I, we were in front of the apartment building and I think he meant to lean forward and give me a good night kiss and, I don’t know why, I just… I just grabbed him by the shirt. Yanked him close.

You used to do things like that too.

I don’t want to be like you, but.

I looked up at him and he seemed surprised, but his arms wrapped around me. I could see his breath when we were that close. He was wearing a big fluffy white coat. It made him look like a cloud. Or a bunny.

I asked him if he would come up with me.

I don’t know why I thought he would say no. He was already holding me. I guess you always prepared me for failure and rejection. That was your specialty, always finding for rock bottom.

That moment seemed like forever, but it was a warm forever of soft breath and that fluffy coat.

He said that he would accompany me upstairs.

I don’t know why I thought he would disappear if I didn’t hold his hand.

It might have been a mistake, but. It didn’t really feel like one. Maybe that’s how beautiful mistakes are. I didn’t even turn on the light. We were in the dark when the front door closed. I pushed him against the wall and slipped my hands under that fluffy coat to that orange shirt. I was surprised. He has a manly body under that cute face.

In the dark, I leaned forward to kiss him but my lips were against his neck and I kissed his throat instead.

He moaned.

I thought about you, but this was different.

I could smell him, I could feel him, and I thought about you, and I thought I would be upset or maybe even afraid, but he was holding me and my lips were pressed against his skin, and I forgot to be upset or afraid.

He smelled nice.

Tasted nice too.

I said I can’t think about you, but I might have been wrong. Because I thought about you and I kept going, kept kissing him and holding him in the dark. Felt his lip ring against my cheek and his gasp against my lips when my fingers touched his waist and gripped his shirt tight. I asked him if he felt good, if it felt nice to be this close, told him I wanted to see if he still felt that way when we were alone and no one was looking.

He said he still felt the same even though no one was looking.

It’s so cold outside after the sun goes down, but, in that moment in the dark, it was warm in his fluffy coat and his arms around me. It didn’t even bother me that it didn’t go further than that. I told him he should go home before it got too cold. Kissed him before I let him go, reminded him that he had to walk me home tomorrow too.

He seemed happy.

I like his smile. There’s a small mole under his lips. It gives him an innocent look.

I’m sorry I said I can’t think about you.

I miss you.

Wow.

The way she tasted.

I think I’ll remember that taste forever.

I fucked up.

How did I fuck up so bad?

Ugh, I’m so stupid.

Let’s call a spade a spade. I fucked him in attempt to forget about you. I fucked him because I miss you, because I hate you, because I am nothing without you and he is collateral in this fucked-up mess, which makes me a shit person.

I fucked him and it felt good.

Better than good. Was fantastic. Yeah, you heard me. And I don’t care either, I don’t care that I liked it, I don’t care that he took me out to dinner and I paid for his drinks knowing full well what I was doing, knowing that I went to work in a sexy dress on purpose, knowing that he would say yes at my front door the second I asked him if he wanted to come in. I see the way he looks at me.

I can pretend I didn’t but you know me. I’m no liar.

I knew what I was doing.

I know what I’m doing and it’s awful.

Fuck.

His hands on my face. That little smile. He way he pauses a little bit before kissing me. I can taste it, his excitement when I reciprocate. I come on strong and he likes it, either because he likes that kind of attention or because he likes being wanted. Doesn’t matter. I’m doing this to forget about your effect on me. I touch his face and trail my fingers down his chest to forget how you have a chokehold on my mind. I unbutton his floaty black and white dress shirt to forget how you know everything about me and see right through me. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, make him moan, trace his muscles with my fingertips and feel his heartbeat at the tip of my touch to forget all about how you keep me dead when I’m supposed to be alive.

He tastes good.

Like innocence and a desire to be loved.

I hate how I’m like this, but I can’t stop. I was only going to touch him a little, maybe just frustrate him and back off. Take it slow. Promises for next time and all that shit. Ugh.

God, I’m so full of it.

His hands drifted down to the hem of my dress and what did I do? Shove my right leg between his and hook my left around his hips and grind on his jean-covered thigh. Right. That’s taking it slow. Yup. Of course, he took it as a sign to yank up my dress. Wasn’t like my hands pushing his dress shirt off his shoulders giving him any other choice. I shouldn’t have taken it so far. He would have stopped if I said so. He would have listened if I put up the red light.

Should have put up the damn red light.

Instead, I took off his clothes and he took off mine and I found myself halfway crawling up my own apartment wall with my legs on his shoulders and his mouth on my pussy with those big brown eyes staring up at me.

Jeez.

What am I doing?

I even had the gall to send him back home after fucking him on my own bed. Couldn’t even think about waking up next to him in the morning. That’s well and truly fucked, isn’t it?

The way he looked at me.

Don’t look at me like that.

Don’t look at this black hole with stars in your eyes, because all I’ll do is suck them into this darkness and kill them, leaving nothing left of you, and that’s unfair for someone like you.

It is.

And yet you walked me home today, asking if I was busy this weekend.

And, like an idiot, I said I wasn’t.

I wanted to write this down because I wanted to remember.

She said something to me as we sat on her bed, right before the first time. She had turned her bedside lamp on. One of those silicone touch ones in the shape of a round cat. The color it was set on – red. I remember because when she sat in my lap and stared into my eyes, the red shadows between us were so… sensual. Alluring. Erotic. I don’t know. There’s probably a sexier way to say it.

But anyway, she whispered against my lips and looked into my eyes.

“The stars in the sky are already dead.”

I remember being confused.

“The stars in the sky. The light you see from the stars is already dead by the time you see them.”

I think I remember reading that in a book. Or maybe in class when I was in high school or something. I was never good at astronomy. I should have asked you to pay more attention for me. Then she said…

“But the stars are in your eyes.”

I remember looking into her eyes and seeing mine reflected in them.

When she said that and when I saw myself in her eyes, I realized I felt something that I’ve never felt before. Her warm breath drifted over my lips, a weird feeling prickling all over my skin, her fingers caressing my cheeks, and, I knew, this was a moment.

From her to me, a moment.

“The light I see in you is right here, right now, and it is alive.”

No one has ever said anything like that to me.

Never.

I wanted to remember it, so I wrote it down here.

I wish I said something just as beautiful back to her, but I couldn’t think of anything then. I could have asked her to explore the stars. I could have said that the stars weren’t there until I looked at her. I could have said she’s the whole galaxy and I’m only a small cluster of stars in her vast galaxy.

But I didn’t.

I hope she could tell how happy I was just looking into her beautiful eyes.

I need to tell him the truth.

He’s sleeping in my bed and I need to tell him the truth but instead I’m writing to you because I’m too fucked up to say anything when I need to say something, because I’m sad and lonely and dead inside knowing that I failed you and I wasn’t better and I couldn’t be strong enough to make sure you were okay, because I am the worst, the worst, the worst.

It’s supposed to be spring.

It’s still so cold.

There’s something about her.

I don’t think you would like her, mostly because she knows who she is and because you don’t. You’re insecure and you look up to others to secure you and tell you where to go and what to do. It’s because you were afraid to live life, lest you do it wrong or imperfectly.

But.

There is no such thing as wrong or imperfect when it comes to life, is there?

I can feel it.

The way she keeps me as close as she can, but I look up and there’s still a shrouded sky with snow falling even though it’s supposed to be spring. We’re close and yet the sky remains dark, the clouds stay gray, and I can see my breath. Life is supposed to be growing. Instead, there’s soft white flakes floating down and it’s cold.

And yet.

It’s beautiful.

She’s beautiful to me.

I wish I knew a pretty way to tell her that, like how she said my eyes were full of stars.

---

The moment in life where everything changed was when you read those words.

You wished you could say that you didn't read them. That you were polite, kind, and respected his privacy. That you were fast asleep beside him in this bed of yours, a place where you had nightmares or, worse, hopeful dreams that shattered every morning as you were forced to face reality. Dreams where you felt fully and completely alive, only to wake up and realize it was all a lie.

But, no.

You were awake.

Sometimes being asleep was the true torture.

You turned the page, going backwards in time.

I wanted to write this down because I wanted to remember.

The little book had fallen out of his jacket. A plain black notebook with a leather-texture hardcover and scribbles in it. Pocket-sized. There was an elastic strap that was meant to go around the book and hold it shut, but it hadn't been put back on properly, causing the pages to fall open and land on where the ribbon bookmark had been placed.

You read the entry.

He had nice handwriting. Clean. Neat. Thoughtful. Your original guess was that this notebook was for his work. Notes into his creativity, perhaps? He did video editing for a living, he said. Maybe it was a planner to organize his days. Or ideas for projects he wanted to pursue on his own. A brainstorming space.

You turned the page.

Beside you, his body moved, restless. You wondered if he would wake up, but instead he threw an arm around your waist and continued sleeping, his breathing long and steady.

You read the entry.

Wow.

It was very short.

This little book was none of the things you thought it was. It was something else, something you could scarcely even believe at first, something that made your heart stop, and that wasn't because those words were about you.

It was because the entries were letters.

All of them.

All letters, addressed to the same person, the same individual, over and over again. Some long, some short. Some vague nonsense, some intimately revealing. All for one person.

Not you.

No.

You couldn't believe it.

It was so surreal that you read the addressee twice. Three times. Not because you thought it was strange or crazy.

No.

Because you understood.

To young Jeon Jungkook.

Mechanically, you reached over to the side of your bed, the pocket between the mattress and bedframe, and pulled out a small, slightly squashed, black leather soft-cover notebook. Thinner and longer than his, but similar enough.

You opened to the ribbon bookmark.

To young me, I miss you.

You understood these letters all too well.

He was just a big kid, that Jeon Jungkook. Tattooed because people told him not to. Pierced because people told him not to. Not in the spotlight because people told him he totally had the face for it. No, no, Jeon Jungkook didn’t like all these people telling him he should do this or that. He wanted to do only what he wanted to do. Stubborn and defiant, sticking his spoon into his ice cream covered in too many toppings, maybe more garnishes than chocolate ice cream, having the cold sweet even on the cold night, all because he wanted to.

“What is it that you want to do?” you had asked him.

He shoved he spoon into his mouth and shrugged.

But you could see it in those big brown eyes. The uncertainty, the fear, the maybe despite my desire to be myself I’m just like everyone else, the maybe I will never know, the and if I don’t, am I stuck like the rest of them? The questions that came, and perhaps that was youth, that was becoming an adult, that was the beautiful blunders that became the formation of life.

You sipped your hot chocolate, the lingering taste of peppermint trapped in the liquid even though Christmas was long over. You had asked for it and the employee had given you a weird look.

“Upset stomach,” you lied. A flimsy explanation to make the weird look go away.

“Can I have a sip of your hot chocolate?” Jungkook now asked.

You handed it to him and he drank a bit, his face fluttering with comfort.

“You’re gonna ruin your digestion going from cold to hot like that,” you commented.

“Yeah, my mom always tells me that, but I’m still eating, right?”

He grinned, all mischief, silver ring at the edge, and underneath pink lips and white teeth he was blessed with a dot of dark perfect imperfection.

You held your hand out.

Jungkook was about to give your to-go cup back, but then he darted forward, placing a light kiss on the opening. Then he handed it back to you, still smiling.

You raised your eyebrows and continued sipping at the hot liquid.

He continued eating his ice cream, scooting closer to you on the public bench. You didn’t move away. It was cold at night, even now. Supposed to be spring already, a time for rain and sun and blooming flowers, but it was cold and biting, reminding everyone winter hadn’t yet gone away.

“When do you think a spring day will come?” Jungkook murmured between enormous bites of ice cream.

“I don’t know, but I know the weather forecasters will probably be wrong,” you answered dryly.

She said to his lips, “I missed you.”

It was so soft and so quiet that he almost didn’t hear it, but he felt the words being formed, her lips brushing against his and then the fervent press of forget what I said to his lips, her hands framing his jaw and up into his hair, long delicate fingers twisting into the strands. The ghost of sweetness between their tongues, a shared taste, and those words flowed into the thoughts that became one with his own, as if he himself said them, I missed you, because he did.

He did.

Jeon Jungkook couldn’t explain it, but he wished he could.

He reached up himself and mirrored her touch, across the jaw and up to the temple, his fingers in her hair, strands curling in his hold and he wished this moment was as permanent as the tattoos inked to skin, maybe not her if that wasn’t what she wanted, but at least this feeling. This feeling. Something he knew he couldn’t get again. Maybe that was because this was him now and this was her now, lips to lips and the fire between them, but he wished, he wished to keep this feeling in his memory, wished to make it last forever.

He wished, he wished he could tell young Jungkook, cherish it, all those days back then, don’t go chasing for what becoming an adult means, because it means being lost and sad and lonely.

But he couldn’t.

She tilted her head, traced his lips with her tongue, and Jungkook shuddered.

He wished, he wished he could say, please stay with me, please stay a little longer with me, I am not perfect but I swear there is something here, in your taste and in my heart, and, if I am your mistake, please let me stay your mistake a little longer, but they were such ugly words, such horrible words, and he couldn’t say it, no, because… what if he was right?

What if he truly was her mistake?

She took his jacket off, pulled up his turtleneck, and he pushed down her furry coat, slowly undoing the laces at the collar of her dress, exposing skin to his searching fingertips.

What started as recklessness continued to be recklessness. Perhaps it was his fault, believing in nothing, or it was really there, the something, kisses again, his jacket falling to the floor, a thunk and Jungkook vaguely registered the little black book falling out of his jacket again, but he paid it no mind, remembering she had found it but left it on top of his folded clothes, making breakfast as he slowly woke up, smelling eggs and fragrant oil.

He had glanced at his journal, the elastic over the front cover, resting on top of his folded clothes.

Jungkook thought he would feel panic, fear, embarrassment.

But then he realized he didn’t care.

He never had the perfect words, but the ones written in there were his honest ones. Ones of that moment, and if she read them, then she read his honest words and not some dressed-up version in some vain attempt to make himself better than he was.

He wondered if she did, but she simply greeted him like normal, chuckling at his messy hair and running her fingers through it, telling him to hurry and eat so he could get back to his place and change, otherwise his co-workers would think he’s dirty for wearing the same clothes over again.

So Jungkook let the notebook fall, knowing the elastic wasn’t all the way on, forgetting all about it to tangle himself in that touch, that skin, that scent. Exploring tongue following dancing fingers, and he could feel it sear across his skin, inexplicable but undeniable, like the feeling one got from looking up to a black sky and falling white snow, on the cusp of sad but it was just so beautiful, so beautiful, so he couldn’t bring himself to be sad.

She was a scriptwriter, she said.

Her specialty was dialogue.

But Jungkook found she spoke to him the loudest like this, in the form of trailing kisses and soft breath over his chest, kissing the mole on the right side of his ribcage, this silent dialogue so real and so raw that even even though he had no idea what they meant, he believed in them. Every spoken word had intent behind it, intentional or not, but this, this was pure on a different level, pure as her tongue drawing down the center of his abdomen, creating a wet line, half-lidded, sultry eyes peering up at him.

This was the present, without the weight of the past.

And the past weighed heavily on those that held onto it, I miss you, young him, at first oblivious everyone’s expectations, I miss you, young him, foolishly believing everyone had the best intentions for him, I miss you, young him, running and weighed down with expectations. Thinking that he was chained but that when he was adult he would have freedom, except he got older and he still felt chained, so did that mean he was still young or did that mean that he was now an adult and this was everyone’s fate?

Jungkook had these thoughts when he was alone, but not here.

Not here, not within the confines of hands fanning over his thighs, tongue to taut skin, in her eyes glittering in the low light. Like snow from a black sky, but he was comforted and then elated, radiating bliss mounting his senses, skillful tongue sliding down his length and his hands gripping the sheets, memorizing the lush quality of the fabric, memorizing the way his nerves seemed to shimmer and brim with so much pleasure that it was nearly unbearable. Every detail precious – the wet, the pressure, the depth, controlled tightness. Saliva dripping down his balls and then quickly lapped up, sending a spark up his spine, a strangely playful sensation he came to crave and it happened again, jarring and gratifying him, like hot chocolate between bites of ice cream, sweet on sweet.

Something out of nothing.

Black sky full of falling white flakes.

He should be afraid, he should be hesitating, he should be chained by the past, but he was free, free here in the moment of erotic high and in those eyes in the low light. Glittering amusement in those irises, something out of nothing, or something out of…

She crawled back up his body, her dress on the floor, and kissed him, salty, but to him it was sweet.

Something out of something?

Maybe.

How long will you punish yourself for something you didn’t do?

Sometimes you thought about writing down that question, but it was too honest and your pen would pause every time, poised to make the strokes, and you didn’t. It was too honest. You kept thinking, I’m not ready, but that was an excuse just like any other, as if you would ever be ready, as if you would ever know, all this time chasing for that one you should have loved when it counted, but you didn’t. You didn’t, and now you were sorry.

Sorry.

So pointless to be sorry, the maybe if I, the it could have been better if I, the if only I just, who cares, who cares, who cares. This kind of thinking was just as much a broken home as it was back then, these thoughts like closed shutters to keep out the light, forever in winter because you never dared to look out and find summer. A prison of the past you built to hold in the fragile young you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, tried to embellish the past and make it as pretty as it was tragic, all to try and erase the fact that you were holding onto nothing.

In this decrepit broken home of your thoughts, apologizing to the past. Writing letters to the one that always ran from, to the one you hated for making you into what you were now, to the one that never tried to appreciate what little good there was because it was always easier to believe everything was bad. Easier to think that, when you were an adult, you could make it all go away.

But it just wasn’t true.

I’m sorry, young me.

The sky was still black and the snow still fell and the spring day never came.

I don’t really think I’m an adult, but I do miss you and I do think about back then.

He was just a big kid, that Jeon Jungkook.

You closed your eyes and inhaled, the soft, clean scent mixed with sex, slipping into the sensation of being filled, easy after his fingers and the lingering buzz of his kiss. A heavy weight, and you should have felt crushed, suffocated, caged, but you were so used to the broken home of your thoughts that this felt like freedom, like a hopeful dream that couldn’t be broken by reality.

Because you opened your eyes and there was Jeon Jungkook.

His teeth were sunk into his lower lip, and he was struggling not to be overwhelmed. The mole underneath bobbing uneasily, silver lip ring quivering, and you clenched around his hard cock, making him flinch and frown at you, his eyes connecting with yours.

His eyes glittering in the low light. Stars. And the ones in the sky were dead, but these were lit by the fire within, lit by a past determined to feel the present even more, and your lips parted to take a breath.

There was none to be taken.

Jungkook breathed out your name.

If the sky was black and too covered with gray clouds of falling snowflakes, well, then maybe the stars could be right beside you.

You whispered his name in the dark.

It was like he was catching snowflakes on his cheeks, his expression melting with your reply, his face flushing pink, and you gripped your thighs, lifting them up. He got the hint, moving his arms and then your legs were on his shoulders. Slow. You smacked your hips up to deepen his thrust, earning another frown and furrowed brow, greeting it with your smile.

This should make you feel fake. This should make you feel wrong, like you were using him to distract from something bigger, but somehow it didn’t, and that was so strange, because you were pretty sure that was what this was, right, but then his words came back to you, I miss you, written in those tight scribbles, I hope she could tell how happy I was just looking into her beautiful eyes, and you looked into his eyes now, shortened breath, shivering from pleasure, racing heartbeat leaping to your throat and Jungkook noticed your gaze, shaking his head like a dog to brush the black hair out of his eyes so he could look back, his shaking exhale matching yours, warmth drifting between you and him.

And it was true.

You were afraid to leave the broken home of your thoughts, because what if it was worse out there?

He searched your eyes.

You let him, not knowing what he was searching for.

He lowered slightly, changing the angle. Deeper, his dark brown irises catching the light, glittering, alive stars, these not light-years away, but right there, right there, and you reached out to touch, your fingertips ghosting his cheek and jaw, his low moan cutting through the haze of the high, your hand reaching back and clutching his hair, tugging lightly. His eyes closing, lashes fluttering, harder, faster, your hips rising, tighter, more resistance, increased depth and intensity, Jungkook, his name leaving your lips again and he shuddered, spellbound by your voice, his tongue flicking against the top half of his lower lip, struggling to open his eyes again but the weight of lust kept them half-lidded, so close, fluttering breath, almost, holding him back with another tug of his hair, letting your tongue trace the inside of your open lips.

There.

It ate you up so fast, so fast, a whirlwind of compounded sensation and sparks shooting down to your core and vicious throbs sinking into your hips, gasping as you came around his jerking cock, ecstasy unbound, his own moan in an arc, his head tipped back to the ceiling, your hand still in his hair, him burying deep into constricting wet warmth and succumbing to it, his shivers traveling from his chest to your thighs, and you felt your eyes closing, lost in the reality and being okay with it.

I miss you.

For once, these words were not directed at your past self.

You drew a breath, your hand in his hot, sweaty hair, and you missed Jungkook already even though he wasn’t gone.

“I read it.”

You admitted it plainly, clearly.

His little black book between you two, you wrapped in a blanket and him wrapped in another, staring down at it.

Jungkook nodded slowly.

“Okay.”

It sounded defeatist.

“You think I’m a weirdo, huh?” he mumbled softly, pulling the blanket around him tighter.

You reached to the side of the bed, in between the mattress and the bedframe and smacked down your own black, leather-bound notebook.

“That makes two of us.”

His eyes widened, and he stared down at it as you pushed it to him, your hand on top of it, determined, because it was time. You spent enough time being a coward. No more, firmly pinning your notebook in front of Jeon Jungkook, I fill my days with the way it was, and I fill my nights with broken dreams, and if this was it, if you were the broken dream, then he deserved to know how broken, he derserved your honesty, and you thought you would be afraid, and yet…

Jungkook lifted his head and stared at you.

You weren’t.

He shook his head.

“Not today.”

You blinked at him.

He looked back down at your notebook and the blanket opened, his larger, tattooed hand reaching out, placing his hand over yours. A weight but somehow not heavy.

“I will read it if you want me to read it,” he said, and he lifted his head, breathing out slowly, holding your hand tighter, and you could see he was waiting for you to run, waiting for you melt and disappear into nothing. As if he was trying to grasp a snowflake. “But… I don’t want you to think you have to show me just because you read mine.” He smiled, rueful and sheepish. “Actually, I wanted you to read my journal. I hoped you would, so I kept leaving it open and letting it fall out. I was too nervous to… I kept trying to think of the right words to…” He shook his head rapidly, lost even now. “But they sounded insincere. I like you so much and if only I was enough…”

You laughed dryly and Jungkook looked up, confused.

“That’s why you should read my musings,” you countered. “Because we are one and the same, Jeon Jungkook.”

You lifted your hand and took your notebook, placing it into his lap, closing his hand over it.

“Both held down by an idea in the past, because that’s all it is, you know,” you shivered, keeping his hand over the soft leather cover. “I thought, if only, if only, if only, if I changed this or that, if I tried a little harder, if I hadn’t been so focused on becoming an adult, if I loved myself a little more, then maybe young me wouldn’t have been so miserable, maybe young me wouldn’t have let so many people walk over her, maybe the me of now wouldn’t be stuck and haunted by what it was, so I could…”

You suddenly realized you were staring into his eyes, running your mouth.

Stars.

Not light-years away.

Right here.

Be honest.

“I let her get hurt, no, I hurt my younger self on purpose, because I wasn’t brave enough to believe I had a future.”

The stars looked back, and they burned bright.

“I let everyone else decide my life and when I realized I no longer had control of my future, I ran away and became a nobody,” he breathed, and you could hear the guilt, the weight of having let them all down. “I was too scared to speak up for myself, because I couldn’t trust my own dedication when everyone else had always so confidently made choices for me.” His tone stricken, torn between the possibility of him being ungrateful or worse, selfish. “I pretended like it wasn’t happening and continued acting like a kid without responsibilities until it all fell apart and I had to choose.”

It was almost shameful, saying it out loud.

“I sometimes miss who I was back then,” you mumbled, distorted, feeling weak for saying so. “Even if it was the worst… I was a kid, and I could forgive myself for not knowing who I was, but now I’m an adult and I still don’t know.”

You looked up and Jungkook was looking back. It was like two lights meeting in the darkness. No. It was like...

Like snow falling from a black sky.

Jungkook gazed into her eyes and the spring day was already here.

The rare snow in spring, right here, in front of his eyes and holding his hand, and he realized that didn’t mean that winter clung on. This was something new, something unique, something he would regret to forget, so he turned his hand around and held hers, her book pressed to his thigh.

“I used to think I wanted to go back to the way it was,” he said softly. “But I don’t want to. Not anymore.”

Her expression softened.

“Why?”

So small but with so much emotion behind the simple question. An intricate snowflake tumbling down, down.

“I wouldn’t have met you.”

He grinned, and he knew for sure now, that he believed in this.

“Life is so much more fun with you in it.”

He moved the books aside, the past in the past, and closed the distance between them, blanket to blanket, wrapping his around hers, insistently nudging her into his lap, and she resisted, albeit weakly, since it seemed that she couldn’t quite look him in the face, tucking her head under his chin, saying nothing.

But then her lips brushed against his skin, right by his collarbone.

“Don’t make me miss you,” she whispered.

He didn’t have to think twice, kissing the top of her head.

“I won’t.”

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you

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violetganache42 · 2 months

Text

Highlights from tonight's movie night celebrating some of the different teams Donald has been a part of in categorized and chronological order (I honestly like this format. I might stick with it):

"Boat Builders":

Good news: The short has subtitles! Bad news: They're not in English, so you still can't understand what the fuck Donald is saying.

Donald: "Yeah, even a child can do it!" Godfrey: "Even Della could do it!"

justaboot: "god's third choice after the 3 stooges"

Max's mother has been found

"The First Adventure!":

Bradford Hate Club

Ludwig appearance!

puffywuffy8904: "he's serving whatever the opposite of cunt is" WriteBackAtYa: "So di—"

(I love this screenshot. 😂)

The reference to Della's letter

WriteBackAtYa and I being on the same wavelength

Eat the rich uncle (Sorry, Scrooge, but I had to. XD)

"You can't mute me, old man!"

RIP Donald's guitar

The Temple of Doom parallel!

PAPYRUS

"Treasure of the Golden Suns" easter egg!

"fragile old body"

POGO CANE

Black Heron doing the smug anime girl laugh (You know what I'm talking about.)

"I'm the chosen one!" Pure Deweycore

"So long, suckers!"

Just Black Heron in general (She's a fun villain. lol)

DONALD KILL

Us ranting about Bradford using the Papyrus of Binding to escape like the COWARD THAT HE IS! WHY WE OUGHTA— COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE—

If I had a nickel for every time Black Heron lost her robot arm, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Me: "BEAKLEY YOU FOOL" Godfrey: "YOU FUCKING FOOOOOOOOL"

"The House of the Lucky Gander!":

Louie "I do hate hot dogs" Duck noticing the neon lights shaped like a hot dog

"We're all gonna die! I'VE WASTED MY LIFE!"

Launchpad deserves his own episode dedicating to his love life

Gladstone Hate Club

Scrooge looking at the camera like he's on The Office

puffywuffy8904: "gladstone you have a haircut shut up"

Huey autism moment

Just how bored and tired Dewey, Webby, and Scrooge were after seeing Aquarioon

Dewey and the jade tigers

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

27!

Webby's love for chocolate fountains

"And a distraction."

Scrooge: "I don't even get to be part of the blasted challenge?" Huey:

Real-Life-Pine-Tree: "Roasted duck anyone?" Me: "'Danny: I'll have the duck.'"

Louie's motivational speech

"Where did that come from?"

Us @ Liu Hai: RIP bozo (at least until DuckTales World Showcase Adventure)

The underwhelming Golden Cricket and how fucking bored and exhausted the family was

"Mt. Fuji Whiz":

LotTC basically being DuckTales on crack

Me: "Hell is a city. Where have I seen that before? 🤔" Godfrey: "Hazbin Hote—[gunshot]"

My idea of Clinton and Webby bonding over Clan McDuck history

Missy thirsting for Panchito

The return of the Ari the Autism Bird!

Xandra and the nieces in general (They're some of the best characters in the show. ^^)

*The Three Caballeros are stuck in the Underworld* AMJ: "We have a very simple solution." DT17!Huey: "This doesn't feel simple."

Jack Skellington moon

Donald saying the Karen phrase

Xandra and Charon clothes swap

Panchito being "that" guy

The Sheldgoose family tree taking notes from Goofy's family tree regarding the relatives' designs

IN THE PLUMS!

Clinton hugging Donald 💖

Tokyo? LIKE IN DUCKTALES!

"Potatoland":

Dreamy: "SEE HE HAS 27 FINGERS" Me: "27!"

POTATOLAND! POTATOLAND!

"Mickey, I am fed up with your bullshit devil magic."

Praising Mickey's characterization in the Paul Rudish shorts

Donald's blush

No more Idaho

Just the whole short in general. It's the best. XD

"Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers":

Black Arts Beagle's Musketeer cousins

puffywuffy8904: "they wanna be Scrooge soooo bad"

Donald being, and I quote Jamie, "a punk bitch" in this movie

The return of Pete Hate Club

"Whoa, he's bisexual, I didn't know that!"/"By the way, I'm bisexual! I forgot, I- forgot to announce it! How do you turn this shit off- wait-"

The entire opera gag

youtube

Clarabelle appearance!

Dreamy pointing out the parallels how Pete is to Minnie what Bradford is to Scrooge

In the Hall of the Mountain King

"Why did the music stop?"

"Together, we'll save the princess or die trying!"/"…Die? …Die?"

melcat33: "Minnie discovers she's into bdsm"

WriteBackAtYa and I quoting Philip CD-i Legend of Zelda

The turtle trying to be the rooster from Robin Hood at one point

"That little diddy's starting to grow on me."

Pete referencing The Lion King

Donald FINALLY unleashing his iconic temper

melcat33: "Goofy finally being Dad Material" WriteBackAtYa: "But he was daddy material"

(Look what you made me do! /lh)

Pirates of Penzance

"Not long… maybe… 40 years?"

The movie ending with the fucking Can-Can

Learning about how Tokyo Disneyland had Mickey, Donald, and Goofy as the Three Musketeers and they all looked AMAZING (Why does Japan get all the cool shit?!)

#my post #duckblr movie night #dt cafeteria table #duckblr #boat builders #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #ducktales reboot #ducktales season 1 #the house of the lucky gander!#ducktales season 3 #the first adventure!#legend of the three caballeros #mt. fuji whiz #mickey donald goofy: the three musketeers #Youtube

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sugar-omi · 10 months

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Hi Naeomi 👋

Thank you for replying to my inquiry so diligently (omg, me trying to sound like Baxter XD dead)!

For my Baxter request, I want to understand his character more, so I wanna pick ur brain for some ideas 😄

He is a very considerate person as his approach to the MC's comfort level changes between nervous, relaxed, and direct (i think 🤔😅). I just want to know how he reacts with an MC (on crush/love) who is only anxious around him but relaxed with everyone else. MC would be trying to fluster the crap out of Cove and talking excitedly about nerdy stuff (anime/manga, video games, books, random facts on their interests, a tv series, etc.), but when Baxter comes around they simmer down and smile all giddy his way and talk about stuff they he may like or be interested in.

Honestly, my MC would feel a bit unsure how to act around Baxter at first, but eventually, they become more comfortable over time as he is revealed to be easygoing and welcoming to MC's quirky side. Makes my heart flutter just thinking about it, so cute~ 🥰☺️

hii !!! omg your mc sounds so cute n honestly like me when I was younger lol, so sweet<33 excuse to the format I'm on mobile rn and I'll fix text color n format n stuff once I'm on my computer😎👍👍👍👍honestly i had fun writing this, two darlings taking their time to open up n love each other, embracing each others quirks... its so sweet, pls i feel like i could write another lil drabble abt how happy n cute baxter would be w a playful reader like this, mmm many thoughts

tags : fluff, nervous crush/love status w baxter, multiple choice text, headcanons/drabbles

*edited for format

this man is too cocky for his own good, baxter can easily tell how someone feels about him.

but I think that excludes people he has a crush on, as you couldn't possibly like/love him back.

he has some shame! although it's only enough to not assume everyone is in love with him or likes him in any capacity...

anyway, we'll get to that later~

at first he thinks it's because you want to impress him or maybe you don't want to bore him with what you think is brain rot to someone so mature and elegant as him.

(+ a "small" but darker part of him thinks you might hate him, that you don't want to show a piece of yourself to this weird stranger on your block. he squishes the thought)

so he finds out your interest through terri/terry and by spying on snippets of your conversations with your family or with cove.

and even though he will only admit it if you threaten him with something terrifying, like angry dragons, early mornings, or worse- color. then and only then will he admit he wants you to tease him the same way you do with cove.

you're so close with him, snuggling up to cove's side, and you smirk so tantalizingly as you lean i. close to whisper it in his ear, and you say something dirty or perhaps its something cove finds especially scandalous but now cove is blushing and he's pushing you away with a chastising "y/n!"

and baxter wishes it was him...

he wants you to curl up behind him and blow on his ear the way you do cove. he wants you to pinch his butt as he walks by and he wants you to flirt with him.

and he wants you to show up on his temporary doorstep to show him your favorite volume of a manga that you finally got your hands on.

and when baxter is a hopeless romantic because he's so vulnerable under the blanket of night, he imagines you laying next to him in this big bed and he imagines the music is blending in with your voice as you babble on about something before it drifts off into your soft breath when you fall asleep due to the late hour.

but time goes on and his vacation nears the quarter mark and whenever you two talk he notices that you are getting into some of the things he likes, like rock music, and when you see him walking lazily back to his condo you come rushing off the steps of your porch, abandoning your snickering moms, and showing baxter the new song you found that he had not listened to before.

you light up at the praise in a way that makes him wish he could capture it forever...

finally baxter comes to the conclusion that he should speak to you about the things you like, and the first time he mentions something about your hobby you clam up a bit.

you don't want to bore him or scare him off with your excitement but in the end you're showing him your craft/collection and telling him every shiny detail and he's so happy to watch the light in your eyes as you speak.

eventually though you two get to the point where you try to fluster him.

it's not often, baxter makes you far too nervous and he can see anything coming from a mile away. he's so cool and you love him for it but God is his smirking face irritating when you just want him to blush, giggle and kick his feet like a love sicken school girl.

but you finally get him to flush. it takes more than half his vacation for it to happen but you're standing behind him as he works away at plating the dinner you two cooked up together.

it's simple, both of you combined have the cooking skills of a sea turtle but it's good enough for one night and it's edible.

it's good enough, you know your way around a stove well enough not to burn the house down and with baxter as your assistant you're more focused on how fun it was than anything.

it's perfect, you know how to whip up something delicious and baxter did more chopping and passing of the seasonings than anything.

he doesn't process it at first but then it hits him like a ton of bricks.

you just... said something flirty?

he's short circuting and his ears are red, and baxter pretends that his blush isn't spread down to his neck.

it's such a reward for you, you can't help but gape for a moment because baxter alexander ward is walking away from you with a blush from his ears to below the collar of his shirt and he definitely squealed a bit when he beckoned you to the living room.

it takes a whole summer of talking to you about things you like that he has little or no knowledge in, doing an activity that caters to/is apart of your interest, and soothing you when you cut yourself off when talking (it's okay, he does want to hear whatever you're looking to ramble about, be it something exciting, something that happened when practicing your hobby, or venting about something you thought was terrible or sad in a show/comic you saw earlier that week.)

and he finally gets to a point where you're teasing him a bit more often, even if you don't get the flustered reaction you want, and you're taking a page out of cove's book and the two of you spent a secret night in baxter's condo, talking about everything and nothing all at the same time.

but then he leaves, and he let's you down gently but his rejection stabs like a knife anyway.

so when you meet again, half a decade later, baxter feels his heart fall out his stomach so bad he sucks it in to try and make up for the way his heart clocks out and air leaves his lungs...

you look sad. this wasn't what you either of you were expecting to be faced with and having no time to prepare yourself to face the man who ended your relationship that summer has your eyes glassed over and your fingers dig into your skin to ground yourself.

you look indifferent. somehow that hurts more than if you were sad or angry at him, not that he'd prefer it but the smaller part of him thinks that your empty gaze shows he's lost any part in your life and you stare through him like you can see the rawness of his heart...

your face is schooled into a stony expression and you've folded your arms to match the rest of tour cold posture. he can't tell what you're thinking even though he's searching your eyes and this time baxter can't tell if you want to cry, scream at him, or if you're looking past him to the scenic view. but he sees your fingers twitch, like you want to either grab him by his tie or run.

you look angry. you try to mask it, not wanting to display the unadulterated rage you feel but your lip quirks up and your eyes are sharp and the words that escape your lips lick at baxter's ears like fire. if your thunderous glare could kill a man he'd be a goner..

he knows he's fucked up either way.

and the whole time you're working together, you're distant. although sometimes you snap back, you confront him and you joke with him sometimes.

you're both too nostalgic, you're both too in love.

somehow, you let him start over.

perhaps its the nostalgia and sentiment that came from making the groom cake together, or how beautiful scott and jude's wedding went, or perhaps its the way the other person laughs and smiles that has you drunk.

but now you two are sitting on baxter's couch and you're letting him start over.

he messed up, it's something hard to move past. something you did, for better or for worse but now it's for the better and you're moving on together.

and you're almost as nervous as you were when you first met but this time it's more that you're reserved than anything else.

sometimes he thinks he's fucked up too much, that when you cut yourself short while rambling and when you take more interest in his hobbies than your own, baxter puts a stop to it quickly.

it takes while. you both try too much to insert yourself into the other person's likes, as if that will make the comfortable relationship you had once come back quicker.

but finally, you and baxter are sharing a bed in the middle of your new apartment, and you're laughing about something funny Miranda sent you earlier that day and in the morning you two are spinning around your new kitchen in a guideless dance with your hands intertwined and you're laughing...

and baxter loves both versions of you.

the version of you that's so in love with him you quiet down, letting him take up all the space in the world and the other version of you that rants about something stupid in an anime and pinches his pale thigh when he's searching through his messy pile of clothes for that one specific shirt.

and he's so happy you opened up to him and you still open up to him everyday, loving him the same no matter how shy you are that day <333

#our life: beginnings & always #olba #baxter ward #baxter ward x reader #our life baxter #olba baxter #baxter x reader #baxter x mc #baxter ward x mc

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fantomette22 · 5 months

Text

Nightmare frontier (Loran) geologic interpretation

Alright, here I am to talk about another detail I noticed while replaying Bloodborne! It has more to do with well the geology of the nightmare frontier and from what it's based on in real life. I like analysis and trying to understand those in video game! But also might bue because I'm a technician geologist too XD Still I will try to stay simple and short.

So The Nightmare frontier in the Nightmare. This optional zone you can unlock thanks to Patches! And where we fight the Amygdala to obtained the Loran's chalice.

Notes : the nightmares are in layers. Mensis nightmare is on top then the frontier, under the fishing hamlet with the boats. And under the hamlet the hunter's nightmare/Yharnam of the dlc. For the one who didn't knew.

Notes 2 : The nightmare frontier is probably a nightmare originating from the region where Loran is (the out place area and the Loran chalice are goos indicator). You know that Pthumerian civilisation far from pthumeru & Yharnam who all become beasts... But if you are into the lore you probably know about Loran and all.

So in the frontiers we can find those strange stone hexagonal columns around :

Well it is a real geologic structures! Also named volcanic (basalts) columns, organ pipes etc (orgues volcaniques in French)

Volcanic columns of Panska skala. Source image : https://planet-terre.ens-lyon.fr/ressource/orgues-volcaniques.xml,

So, how it's formed? Well it is a bit complex but I will try to explain simply. You see those are formed from (effusive) volcanism (don't cofound with magmatic plutonism). You see when a volcano create really liquid lava and don't explode it's effusive. The lava cooled fast on the surface (huge thermic difference with the air or water) and don't crystallised, it often formed basalts (this black rock without minerals visible) or similars stone (can be andesite too in that case or even diorite. It's the same "family").

Those columns are not directly made on the surface but meters under the first couch of lava or they can be formed in magmatic veins that came from a magmatic chamber (in the ground) but cooled way faster than the chamber: it can create those or dyke or sills for exemple/ A magmatic chamber who cooled of will be crystallised on the contrary and take a lot of time! (Thousand if not millions of year) Still it's seems those columns take years or century to become rocks. Still it is "fast" on a geological levels.

Apparently with specific conditions temperature it create this hexagonal columns. It is also similar when clay who became dry and cracked on the ground if you prefer.

Anyway those volcanic columns can be found in many places! Europe, Africa, Asia, America etc There are usually millions of years old and we can see them thanks to erosions of the more tender rocks around it.

The first pic I show are at 80/100km north to Prague in Czech Republic. And You know Bloodborne is a bit more based on easter Europe so 👀

Anyway I think this is very cool the devs inspire themself from those! Very Interesting!

SO what it says about Loran region and Bloodborne world then ?🤔 Well I'm not sure but it's sure is very ancient geologic formation and even in XIX century 2 big theories fought about geology so it sure could be see as specials for old civilisation! Especially in link with old great ones or smt. And maybe Loran could be closer to Yharnam than we think.

ALSO

You see those weird ?ball rocks? in the all the nightmare area? really remind me of pillow lava. You know when lava pierce through the ocean and cold really fast

Ok and I'm not sure for Yharnam or Cainhurst geology but pretty sure the fishing hamlet is volcanic stone too. Why? Well the huge massifs black stones and the BLACK SAND, like in Hawaii ! Or in Iceland. Volcanic region with huge volcanic activity.

Black sand always means it came from volcanic rocks or that it's rich in iron minerals for exemple.

#bloodborne #bloodborne thoughts #bloodborne analysis #bloodborne theory #nightmare frontier #loran #fromsoftware #geology #I love geology in video games! my 2 passions!#volcanism #volcanic column

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existslikepristin · 9 months

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I should keep this up. My writing output is insane. Has anyone noticed that none of these are edited? (Probably, because they're fuckin bad XD)

(Story Index)

Not a moral implication in sight

“So Joy,” you say.

“Yes?” she asks in the kind of tone that implies she already knows what you’re going to say as she wipes a tiny bit of spit from the corner of her mouth. Your dick already feels lonely.

“You’re great at this, but I’m really in the mood to fuck your pussy. Mind getting undressed?”

Joy scowls and takes a sharp breath. “Ooh, sorry. That’s not going to be possible.”

“The undressing?”

“Oh no,” Joy chirps. Her green bikini thing expands away from her body for a moment, then becomes wispy and fades away like smoke. Her jewelry remains. “That part is easy.”

Your breath hitches at the uninhibited sight of her body. Sure she was mostly already naked and giving you a blowjob, but the wonders of her parts previously obscured are incredible. You’d spend quite some time staring blankly at her top-tier titties if she didn’t continue speaking.

“No, it’s the pussy part. See, I don’t have one.”

“Excuse me?”

Joy stands up (a beautifully graceful motion), backs up against the table, and points between her legs. Good golly, she’s right. Where her pubic mound goes between her thighs, you see no cleft signaling the beginning of some labia. Instead, it’s just blank space.

“See, within the genie genre or supernatural literature as a whole, there always has to be something that makes the genies unique. Some unexpected twist that gives underlying tones of ‘not like the other genies,’ right? Like if vampires sparkled in the sunlight for example. It’s ridiculous and arbitrary. So, I have no vagina. Why would I need one? Genies obviously don’t reproduce in the same way humans do.”

You’re not sure if you were actively listening. Your hand is already hovering toward her… nether region? It’s unclear what it should be called. Joy simply watches with an amused smile as you touch the space you would normally expect a pussy to be. She moans loudly, sensually, shocking you into removing your hand.

“I’m kidding,” she says, “I don’t feel anything down there besides your touch.”

“Do you not feel sexual pleasure, then?” you ask, “Because genies don’t need to or something?”

“Oh, I definitely feel the same sensations you would associate with sex, but it’s like a psychic thing. The happier you are with me, the more of a pleasure sensation I experience.”

“So you’ll always cum at the same time I do or whatever?”

“Nope!” Joy takes your hand and places it back between her legs. “It’s more like a constant pleasure. Like, I don’t know what the human equivalent would be. Alcoholism, maybe, without the constant threat of death.”

You gingerly rub at the empty space, still having a hard time mentally piecing together what you see. “That’s weird.”

“Nah. It’s your humans’ genitalia that’s weird. I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s just awkwardly placed wrinkly stuff that you love touching. I love touching it because I get a lot out of it, but aesthetically, you’re kind of wonky.”

You raise an eyebrow, wondering if you should be offended on behalf of humanity.

“You know what though? You could totally wish for some good pussy. It’s entirely reasonable, even expected, that at some point during our time together you’ll build up a substantial harem. If you want to hold off on getting off that way though, I can definitely go back to the blowjob. It was giving me lots of happy tingles. Or alternatively…”

Joy turns, swishing her hair over her shoulder so you can see her entire, smoothly muscled back. She bends over at the waist, leaning on the table. Between her excellently sculpted ass cheeks, clearly inside her, is a familiar sight: The butt plug you brought home.

“You could fuck my ass.”

Options (I still haven't decided on the best format for these):

Nope. Too weird. Tell her you want to go back to the blowjob.

Go ahead and wish for some of that good pussy she’s talking about.

Oh hell yes. Pull out all the stops/plugs and fuck Joy’s ass.

Hold the fuck up. If she doesn’t need a pussy, why’s she need an ass, or anything for that matter?

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bug-decal-kissing · 6 months

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Hey friends!

Very big haul today; Tumblr couldn’t handle all the links ! I’ve separated today’s works into two separate posts: this one, and then a reblog. Sorry about the weird formatting !

A new work, Killing Butterflies by othersin, was published today, with 1/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Graphic Depictions Of Violence, with additional tags "Trauma, a job you would die for, LITERALLY, a concept that there can be only one god auditor, the job is pretty powerful, it is not established if there was other god auditor's, or even wishmasters, ProhibitedWish, Alternate Universe, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, it is a arena like battle, Abuse of Authority, Lost Love, Unrequited Love, Ultimate Sacrifice, Therapy"

Nirmata, by DatWheatleyBoi, was updated today, with 4/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Graphic Depictions Of Violence, with additional tags "Post-Canon, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Character Study, Prohibitedwish is real, Action/Adventure, Detectives, Slow Romance, Adventure time but for gods, Trauma, Psychological Trauma, Mild Gore, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death"

You can read it here:

Road Trip, by hierozphant, was updated today, with 2/? Chapters released! It has a rating of General Audiences and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Alternate Universe - Human, Road Trips, Slow Burn, Flirting, Awkward Flirting, Alternate Universe - Office, More tag to be added, How do ao3 tags work aah??"

You can read it here:

Timekiller, by MaxtrixDream, was updated today, with 2/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "One-shots!, Angst, Loneliness, Isolation, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, (Tags will update as fic updates), Bug Scarab, Popcorn, Captured in a pickle jar, silliness"

You can read it here:

The Shadow and the Bug, by beeeeeeaaaaaans, was updated today, with 2/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Teen And Up Audiences and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Slow Burn, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Introspection, Attempted Murder, kind of but not actually, just scarab being scarab, References to Depression, Trauma, emotional development for the both of them as it continues, Misunderstandings, Character Development, POV Third Person Limited, Past Tense, Scarab's POV, Angst, Comedy, they can coexist xD, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, basically Jake's death and Scarab's past punishments are brought up here, Swearing Post-Canon ProhibitedWish Story within a Story Other Additional Tags to Be Added Existential Crisis"

NSFW works are below the cut :].

A new work, Don't eat the lettuce by othersin, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, with additional tags "OFFICE CRACK, Not a laughing matter, but i feel like Prismo would get harrassment complaints from Scarab, Attempt at Humor, Ancient Egyptian Literature & Mythology, Ancient Egyptian Deities, Look it Up, I don't know why it was a myth, but it makes me laugh, the inhuman resources, like HR but for cosmic entities, Jenny has her work cut out for her, she is quite nice but she really hates being part of the office drama sometimes, Funny, ProhibitedWish, set is just the worst, lettuce - Freeform, Horus - Free, form - Freeform, Set - Freeform"

You can read it here:

A new work, For a Chance by Kurei16, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It has a rating of Explicit and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Alternate Universe - Pirate, Magic, Disguise, Making Out, Making Love, Angst, Bottom Scarab (Adventure Time)"

You can read it here:

A new work, No More Work Tonight by Phoenixash234flames, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It has a rating of Explicit and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Shameless Smut, Rope Bondage, Blindfolds, safe signal, Rimming, Phone Calls & Telephones, Wall Sex, Aftercare, Distractions"

You can read it here:

Misery Loves Company, by othersin, was updated today, with 3/3 Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Failed Relationships, I am partial to the idea of Scarab and Prismo being ex's, but how about an ill-advised rebound, some delicious angst, ProhibitedWish, References to Egyptian Mythology, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Not Healthy Relationships, Slow Burn, Falling In Love"

You can read it here:

A new work, Mutalism by Clancifer, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It has a rating of Explicit and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Workplace exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, Voyeur Prismo, Exhibitionist Scarab, Shapeshifting, t4t Prohibited Wish, Trans Scarab, Trans Prismo, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Jeturbating, Sort of follows canon events, Sexual Repression, Squirting, Slicking, Dildos, Prismo is depressed as hell, God Sex, Pheromones, Insect Anatomy, Wax Playheat - Freeform"

You can read it here:

Silly Bug, by TJade, was updated today, with 6/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Explicit and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Genderbending, Domestic Fluff, Teasing, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suggestive Themes, Awkwardness, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkward Conversations, Communication, Healthy Relationships, Voyeurism, Oral Sex, Threesome, Frottage"

You can read it here:

#i had notes for commentary and everything today 🥹#and then tumblr broke and eated them all #oh wel;;;;; expect notes tomorrow >:]/lh #prohibitedwish #prohibitedwish fics #killing butterflies #nirmata #road trip #timekiller #the shadow and the bug #don’t eat the lettuce #for a change #no more work tonight #misery loves company #mutualism #silly bug

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ashthemadwriter-archived · 2 years

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Hi! Can I request platonic headcanons with Fyodor and Dazai with a female reader and a High School!AU please?

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings: Dazai, Fyodor X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: None

Word Count: 0.8K

A/n: I have trouble writing for Fyodor. I should get him off my writing list lmao

⇝Osamu Dazai

Doesn't matter if you're relationship with him is platonic or romantic, He's always flirting with you🙂

Does not expect you to flirt back so don't because things might get weird or... change.

And you don't want things to change cause you've seen him breaking up with other girls after a few days of dating.

You two are always goofing around at classes, making fun of others while not paying attention to the lessons at all.

You claim that it's his fault because he's distracting you, and you're lowkey right but he keeps denying it😭

Other girls are not a fan of you because c'mon! You're friends with Dazai Osamu! The most charming boy in the high school!

Dazai ignores others because he thinks that it's not bothering you, but he gets upset when others bully you over stuff because of your connection with him.

Lowkey tries to be a bit distant but when he sees you trying to get close to him, he's relieved and things get back to normal.

Dazai has a special spot for his friends in his heart, and you already know that if you're familiar with Odasaku, and you're his friend too.

So he's protective of you, even though he's not really showing it; but will have your back when you run into trouble.

If some guy tries to break your heart, well... rest in peace.

Not saying that Dazai would get in a fight with him cause he's Dazai, but with his sharp mind and smart ass, he doesn't need to use any strength to teach that bastard a lesson.

As I said before, and you already know that, he's a player; and it bothers you when his exes come to you and ask you about him, or to see if they still have a shot with him and stuff.

You scold him when he makes fun of other people's height or their red hair or how they braid their hair and their outfit :)))

Though he's expecting you to collaborate with him on this one XD

Is not a fan of studying, so makes you study so you can tell him the answers, or gets them from another girl who has a thing for him and gives them to you to if you need any.

You were so distracted in the classroom that teachers make you sit far away from each other lmao.

But they can't do anything to you outside the classroom so that's when the real deal is on, baby 😎

You sometimes to different tiktok trends together and are kinda popular.

Others think that you two are a couple since you get along with each other well so you always have to tell them you're just friends, even though Dazai might not straightforwardly agree with you on this one🚶🏻‍♀️

⇝Fyodor Dostoevsky

Why is writing for him so hard what is wrong with me😭

Just because I wrote that much for Dazai doesn't mean I would do the same for Fyodor -_-

Anyway, he's not a really talkative person, so you're not attracted to him at first sight,

He doesn't look like a shy guy, he's just not going to waste his energy unless it's necessary to speak so you decide not to bother him.

But things change when you get a bad grade at physics and the teacher asks him to be your tutor.

He agrees cause he doesn't really care anyway.

Fyodor is definitely the top of his class. You never see him study but he pays attention to the teacher carefully while he teaches, so you know that studying with him will be helpful, but you're kinda nervous cause let's be real. the guy looks scary. (Hot scary😏)

So when you do spend time together, you realize that he's actually an interesting guy, and a super smart one, so you come to like him and start hanging around with him everywhere he goes hoping maybe you would become friends.

You're the one who comes to him though, asking where is he heading to and would be it ok if you come along and he always says yes cause as I said before, he doesn't care.

Now being Fyodor's friend is not something Fun at first, but rather meaningful and interesting. You gradually become familiar with his perspective of things and the world, and this would effect you way of thinking and seeing things too. After becoming his friend, you pay attention to details more closely than you did before, and you try to understand the connection and logical explanation behind them.

You two would never talk about you're relationship and that you're friends, because you don't know what his reaction would be and you're also not willing to take the risk, so it's not something offical.

Being his friend adds to you're knowledge and his effect on you is definitely considerable, so you like to be around him but you can never know if he does too since you can't ask him about him neither read his mind 🚶🏻‍♀️

Why does it all sound so dark lol I didn't mean to 😭

Reblogs are appreciated! :)

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marcusrobertobaq · 5 months

Text

Sav Dan's Shop (Android Zone) exploration and commentary

⚠️ The quality is just terrible

This Android Zone is called SAV SHOP in the game files. Where is it located within Detroit? No fucking clue. There's a similar destroyed Android Zone in Kara's BfD. Dunno if they're the same.

They sell new and pre-owned androids, components, repairs even some electronics and some other shit like that. Real average small tech shop.

"Kalu's Tool"? What a name. No idea wtf it is but this Uke Antivirius is kinda funny 🤪 I just can't read the text at all, bro.

Idk what these RXL things are but ok. Reading "robot" i assume is related to those robots from the concept art. But maybe can be used in androids?

Now those LVB ones:

LVB MACRODATA 7850: Move effortlessly between Androids applications with a powerful processor.

LVB "300% ENERGY": Move effortlessly between applications with a powerful processor.

LVB SMOOTH 2.2: Help preventing further darkening and protect the skin from premature erosion

Ok, we're talking about 2 processors and one stuff for the skin? THE SKIN AIN'T A HOLOGRAM CONFIRMED.

Now, man, now look the size of that shit right there, this EYE™️ component.

Gotta be for those heavy work models. It says TR600 and the heavy model we know is TR400. Maybe a new gen? But, man, still too "big" xD that's what she said

As u can see, androids parts ain't "hollow". Ain't supposed to be, at least. Also u can notice how androids are made with "easy limbs detachment and replacement" in mind, the cables in the joints are basically plug/unplug. Still weird tho.

Say hi to the Roomba

Other android parts they sell are these "patellas" (the knee the joint) and legs/arms. Also those "Thirium cells"...

Kinda different from the regulator we know, huh? They also got a whole M series shit going on related to that patella thing i'll leave this link cuz these textures are ridiculous. Means some models series are named with one letter only, the second letter being variations of the same "model family".

"POWER UNIT" and it's part of a UPGRADE PACK. Also a "GENUINE PARTS PROGRAM" idk what this means. Maybe pirated and cheap 3D printed components are a thing, we see these machines in Jericho.

I still don't know how these limbs works in practice, sometimes the joints just...doesn't make any sense in my head.

I ain't got no idea what those small boxes are. "Dust Cover"? What?

No idea what the triangle thing is, there's nothing on the box. Judging by being a triangle must be something related to androids (ofc).

Also boxes like that purple and red ones are CABLE PACKS (from AFC?). I can notice there are some formats (one of 'em really similar to the one Zlatko uses when plugging into Kara)

U can see a Hard Disk, Wireless and "Tabs" icons there. I'm not sure what that means, maybe u can used to connect these things O.o

And ofc...CLOTHES.

They sell clothes for androids? I mean, ain't got the markings we are used to and they look pretty generic but still something.

On the table we see what looks like empty thirium bag, an opened triangle-shaped box then below the Uke Antivirus, other cable packs, dust covers, regulators, eye components, audio processing components and some other shit that looks like HDs and SSDs

This SATA III SSD also comes in 8TB, 4TB and 2TB. Wtf xD

An honorable mention to the Android Compartments (feat Kara without a head)

I personally think it should also be a recharging point too but, well, doesn't look like one - but how tf this shit's detecting the android status then? Whatever, i hc they can recharge in there.

#[REPOST] cuz the og post was a reblog and tumblr said “idk what it is” and i couldn't find it by normal means anymore #dbh #detroit become human #dbh scenery details #dbh observation list

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 2 months

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Well. That episode hurt me xD

Accidentally wrote scared instead of hurt because I was thinking about how they were one of the couples of my shows I was most scared about and here we are xD but scared is also accurate lol. Scared me for weeks and here I am now lol xd. All throughout as well xD. Anyway!

Time for the. . .

REVIEW

Not as official as my 911 or tgd ones but yk, just saying that format for fun and because it deserves it :))

I really enjoyed this episode!! It genuinely was a super good episode, even if it did cut me deep in a way that will never heal :). xD But seriously, there were a lot of funny moments, as well as genuine emotional ones, and I had a lot of fun watching it :').

Now, first of all, to get it out of the way (aka it's the longest section, and I still probably won't say everything I want to, but I also want it the freshest in my mind): Jacob and Zach breaking up. I think I've made my feelings in that pretty clear lol, but just in case you missed anything: I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it and how could they do this to me 😭. But genuinely, the reason wasn't awful (like nobody cheated or anything, thank goodness), we got to see Jacob's growth and non-growth through his being honest and his avoidance, and we got some super funny while also super heartfelt moments (mostly separate). I just really wish they didn't break up xd.

A big thing for me is that most of the time, especially if it's something that happens earlier in a show, and that show is still airing, I don't like not following canon. I like to think in ideas mostly canon compliant. But here's the thing: I probably won't really write anything with them broken up, at least right now I don't want to. But if there's ever something I want to write about in the future, I'll want to put them in there as together, and that changes things, and it's just a whole complex thing that I'd rather not deal with. It's a lot of emotional work for me for some reason and it's just annoying lol.

Because like, I have WIPs about them. I've written about them and just never finished or posted anything, and I want to continue writing about them. But it feels weird now, especially because of the anger in the breakup xd. Sometimes I process ways to make me feel better about decisions I don't like through fic, by writing how it works out in my head. I might do that for a getting back together fic, because I really think they deserve not to break up :((.

Anyway, about actual canon now: I am glad they can be happy on their own now. But I still really wish they were together xd. I also saw someone mention how the headcanon that Jacob's parents didn't like each other (which I agree with and have as a headcanon as well, maybe even because of that person lol) seems to fit his whole "honeymoon, hell, married and die" stages thing, and I think that if I do write a getting back together (cough cough coming to your senses-) fic that'll be a big part of the breakup reasoning. Anyway, right, canon xD.

I still really loved this episode, it just hurt me beyond compare lol. Sighh, I honestly don't know why, I just really loved them :'//. I'm honestly still in denial about them breaking up at all, it doesn't feel real and canonical yet xD. I really started to convince myself it would be okay, despite being scared :') xd. But, that's how it goes sometimes. I really do hope that some day they get back together, but I think the writers kind of burned that bridge (maybe purposefully - also, I say the writers because Jacob and Zach could become more amicable in the future lol).

Anyway, I'll probably have more feels later, but that breakup scene was raw man 😭. Honestly, I'm glad the jokes were there to lighten to the mood, but at the same time, I'm like "they deserve to have seriousness for their breakup". This was a four year relationship, man, you know? And they did get some genuine emotion, joke-free, which I appreciate <33. Speaking of, their ACTING was phenomenal!! They really gave us that :D. Their emotions were so real and accurate, it was just really good overall :). Also, if it must be his exit, that was on awesome exit for Zach/Larry xDD (as I saw someone say). Lol, I love these two idiots <33.

I do really hope one day they'll get back together, but like I said, I'm not holding my breath. I mean, I probably am anyway because I love them so much and I want them into be okay, but nonetheless lol. Especially with the anger in the breakup - it's hard to get past that narratively xd.

Anyway, long story short: I wish they didn't break up, but I'm glad they got the focus they deserved when they did. An episode titled for their storyline, an actual breakup scene and no cutaway, the entire conversation, and not even at the very of episode! Still, I already miss them so much <33. I love my boys 😭😭😭😭❤️💔💔💔❤️🥰🥰 <333.

Anyway!! Seeing Gregory be there for Jacob was really sweet :'DD. If we can't have Zach and Jacob, and least we have Jacob and Gregory's bestiesm :DD. They are so sweet and adorable y'all 😭😭😭❤️🥰. I love them going out together <33.

Janine and Melissa were great this episode xD Oh my gosh, I loved Janine this episode xDD. It was so good lol, so many funny moments. Also I loved the nonbinary sub 🥰🥰. Just that little bit of representation was so nice 🥰🥰 :'D.

Mr. Johnson being jealous and angry about Gregory and Jacob spending time together was great xD. Poor guy lol xd.

Ava helping Barbara out this episode SLAYYEDD :DD!! Also I'm so proud of Barbara for standing up for herself :').

The feeling of being ostracized a bit because of being too progressive is one I know and will probably know even more in the future xD. Also her saying a part of it is being friends with "some of the more colorful people" at Abbott 😭. I'm so not okay <33. She's talking about Ava, Jacob, Melissa, even Mr. Johnson, Gregory, and Janine to a point. I know that feeling as well and it is a scary and isolating one. I'm so proud of Barbara for standing up to them, and showing what she believes in, and I'm so happy for her :'D. Also she SLAYEDD that performance :D. And even though it sucks the shade the church ladies were throwing was good. But anyway, I loved the Ava and Barbara friendship :DD!! It was really great, and interesting angle to look at things from :). Also, Mr. Johnson being ex LDS is not what I was expecting on my bingo sheet for today lol /lh. Wild xD, but funny lol.

I am very tired lol, sorry if not all of this makes sense. Probably more later too, don't you worry :)

Overall, I really did enjoy this episode. It had some super great moments, and even though it broke me, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. Whether I'm happy with the decision they (characters and writers) made or not lol xD. Still, super amazing episode :)). I loved it :D.

So, yeah! I loved this episode. It hurt me, but I'm still so excited for the next one. This has been my review of. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 5: Breakup

It absolutely killed me - wiped me out. But I am interested to see what happens next time, and what stays relevant from this episode. I'll be back next week for my review of. . .

Abbott Elementary, Season 3, Episode 6: Willard R. Abbott

See you then!!

#abbott elementary #ae #oasis's ae chatting #I tried to zone out and or fall asleep like 30 times whole writing this so my apologies for any typos lol #now I go not think about this breakup for a night xD #help me y'all #jacob hill #he just deserves the tag okay lol #not okay over this episode and never will be xdd #okay now time for me to go sleep lol #gn xD <33 #I love you all :DD ❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!#byeeee :))) 🥰🥰🥰 <333!!!!

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decamarks · 1 year

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Hi, random question: you know the ‘pigeons at the park’ post you made? My SO and I are wondering where the porygon2 gifs came from. Did you make them, or are they from a game?

If you don’t remember that’s totally fine, I know this is a weird question, but I thought i’d ask. I hope you have a great day!

OH THEY'RE THE BOX SPRITES FROM POKEMON XD!! pokemon XD gale of darkness. i'm not cruelly XD'ing at you. you can find them all on the bulbagarden archives. they're all formatted as apng images though, so if you want to use them as gifs you'll need to convert them. there are also shiny variants of each, so there's a TON... and they're all WONDERFUL. i have an entire collection of gifs of the unown ones here, if you're interested... have fun =D

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ne0nwithazero · 8 months

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ur website is awesome where did you learn html and css!! ive been looking for months now but i cant find any starting points i can easily understand

Thank you! I kind of mostly used to do Neopets template junk in 2007 and had some extremely basic and outdated HTML knowledge until recently LOL (As in that my knowledge was basically knowing that made your text italic and if I typed color="blue" it would change the color of the text haha)

But yeah, I'm basically self-taught! One of the courses I did in the past did have a few Web Design classes, but I had a really hard time understanding any of it and my grades were awful, so I hardly count that as having contributed anything to my knowledge x) (We were forced to make the most bland minimalistic corporate websites so the lack of fun in that definitely contributed hahaha)

I guess starting out really depends on what you're personally comfortable with? The way I personally started was that I used one of those Free Website Makers like Wix/Weebly/etc to try and "sketch" my website! I had this old unused !Weebly portfolio website I wasn't doing anything with, so I used that

W3Schools is the MVP for this stuff since it has basically everything you can learn about HTML/CSS/etc! For my Website I remember first starting by trying to create the navbar, looking at the Weebly mockup and trying to mentally deconstruct it all into boxes to try and understand how I could recreate it with my own code!

(The reason my navbar looks so different from the screenshot was because I had a really hard time recreating it xD And I ended up with something a lot more basic to match my skillset!)

Something that always worked for me was using templates and just trial and error my way into trying to understand what did what x)

Considering my website has the three-column format, I do recall using SadGrl's Layout Maker code as a reference for my own!

And I guess that's advice I can give?? Finding websites you like, or if you're wondering how someone did something, how their font has weird colours, what animations they're using, etc etc, just go look into their source code, or use the Inspect Tool (F12) and select elements to try and understand the code!

I do sometimes hide goofy hidden text and easter eggs in my source codes, so I'm personally cool with people looking through mine to understand how I did things :)

I definitely relate to this all being overwhelming or confusing at the start, so I'd say just take it slow and make things fun for yourself! I used weird fonts and bright colours when trying to see what does what, use dumb placeholder texts and images too LMAO

Another thing that helped was that I found gifs and images I liked to place on the website and try to make it feel all the more personal and cozy!

Again this is just my personal experience and what I did to make the learning experience more enjoyable :)

#Jay Asks #Anonymous #Neocities Tag #Sorry for the long ramble!#People don't tend to be very receptive to my methods when I share how I do things x) So take it with a grain of salt #I'm very adamant over the Doing what works best for you logic

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novafire-is-thinking · 1 year

Text

Thanks for the tag, @figgiforever!

1. Are you named after someone?

Nope.

2. When was the last time you cried?

…I don’t remember.

3. Do you have kids?

^ I don’t plan on ever having kids, so this is my favorite gif to use when I’m asked questions like this. xD

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not really. Not out loud, anyway. >:) I do have a dry sense of humor (think Cyclonus), but it’s not always sarcastic.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Physical: I’m not 100% sure what I notice first. Maybe hair? Ah, but I do know that high-contrast features and angular facial structure catch my attention right away. (My blorbo of blorbos is literally made of sharp angles, what else could one expect? lol)

Non-physical: Vibes. Depth. Intrigue. If they seem too easy for me to read, I tend to dismiss them internally unless they pique my interest later.

6. What's your eye colour?

Dark brown/black.

I like to think that Cybertronians would find this mildly disturbing at first. :P

7. Scary movies or good endings?

Depends on how scary. Pure horror is a no.

I like to have a balance. Scare me half to death during the story, but let the ending mean something.

8. Any special talents?

Does exceptional self-awareness count? xD

I have very few practical, concrete skills, but I like to think I have other things I bring to the table of life that make me stand out a bit.

9. Where were you born?

One of the southern provinces of China

10. What are your hobbies?

Studying people, creative problem-solving, introspecting (I do it enough that it counts 😂), contemplating life and all it’s mysteries and weirdness.

(Yes, this is really the sort of stuff I love doing all day, every day—to the exclusion of actually living life. 🫠)

11. Do you have any pets?

No. I’m just not a huge pet person. Most are too demanding for my liking, and the ones that are low-maintenance are…boring. An exotic pet might be worth the effort though. 🤔

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

How fast can I get in and out of this store without ramming anyone with my cart. 😆

Besides that, I used to ride horses, but I haven’t been able to since I moved a couple of years ago.

13. How tall are you?

5 ft. 3 in. (1,60m)

14. Favourite subject in school?

Anything not required. /hj

(Psych, Sociology, and Astronomy were my favorites. And they’re all electives. lol)

15. Dream job?

I wouldn’t say I have a dream job. It’s more like a “dream state of career existence.”

It involves acquiring a PhD, a medical degree, and a bunch of other degrees with the ultimate goal of bringing my interests together. (Psychology, neuroscience, acoustics, etc.)

I would happily spend the rest of my life learning and doing research, and it would be great to be able to offer something unique to both the scientific world and the medical community. (If I don’t get shunned for coming up with too many far-fetched theories, that is. 🫠)

Tagging: @onewingedsparrow @aecholapis @decepticon-nerd @starscreamboyfriend @benadrylcandlewhack and anyone else who wants to answer!

(Correctly-formatted question form is in the replies to make your lives easier)

#soundwave keep an eye on this

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eveandtheturtles · 1 year

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For Donnie requests, if it tickles your fancy:

How about another one set in the tactical universe? (I so enjoyed the one you wrote for Leo when I asked last time)

Maybe a similar format to the last one but, say. Four times reader/OC (who is an art thief or whatever you like) outwits/outlucks/outruns/plain-old-tricks Don and one time he catches her?

But plot twist it was a game all along so it turns sweet or spicy (however you like, I'm down for and/or both)

(Eyyy, a returning customer! We like thay here! You said OC and activated my trap card tho lol)

Bayverse!Donnie and Kara in Tactical AU! (I am almost sure you guys are sick and tired of this ship lmao sorry xD

This one is getting a strong T!

Tactical AU belongs to @donathan

Here are my headcanons for my own spin to it if anyone is interested! And here is a link to Leo's version. Can't wait for someone to request Raph.

@madammuffins @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch @sharpwindow @dilucsflame33 @pheradream15

(if anyone wants in on this list let me know!)

I. This case took him and his brothers all around the world. But it all began in New York after their handler gave them the order.

The Met event was fitting perfectly the M.O. of the thief. Donnie has been preparing himself for this. He studied extensively the previous crime scenes and had to admire the cleverness of it all.

He instructed the ground team on what to look for and how to behave. He himself kept his distance, for obvious reasons. They were going to monitor the event around the clock. The human team during the day, and the turtle brothers at night.

While the guests milled about the museum, Donnie was watching the feed from the cameras closely. This was the second day of surveillance. His sensors weren't picking up any suspicious activities either. Of course, he didn't expect the thief to be bold enough to do something during the day - this didn't fit the profile he built but all good thieves usually tried to scout their targets beforehand.

Donnie sighed and licked his lips. He switched to the computer database of all the security and staff that were currently at the museum. No one in particular stood out. Maybe he was wrong about it being the Met?

Once the gates to the museum closed it was turtle time.

The brothers took over from the day shift. As far as the security knew, they were just some special task force. The ski masks hid their faces and various leather straps disguised the shells as weird backpacks.

"This is so boring," Mikey whined over the comms. "You sure I can't liven up the place a little?"

"If you'd even think of setting off anything-!" Leo's warning resonated sharply in their ears.

The youngest snickered. "Chillax, bro, I was joking."

"Like you did in Budapest?" Raph snorted.

"That was an accident!"

"Let's make sure no more accidents happen," Leo warned him. "Especially not in the Met."

Donnie smiled listening to his brothers' banter as he patrolled the corridor he thought had the highest chance of being hit by the thief.

He listened keenly to any sound that would come his way. The empty corridors would echo them back to him. Unfortunately, it was all silent. Just the sound of his own breath coming back to him and the soft sound of his feet. The brothers were unnaturally quiet for their large size. When they wanted. Mikey usually could be heard three blocks away.

Donnie adjusted his night vision goggles as he entered a new area. He added his own security measures on top of the ones the museum had. There was no way the guy could escape them.

Suddenly one of his sensors tripped. The silent alarm got activated in one room. Donnie turned on his heel and ran.

"We have a hit!" He told the others and directed them to the correct location.

He got there first. Visor focused, looking for anything out of place. Nothing.

"What the-"

Suddenly, another alarm tripped. And another. And another. His whole grid lit up in red and he cursed. That fucker!!

"Donnie, what the hell is going on?!" Leo shouted over the comm.

"He is using my system as a smoke screen!" Donnie shouted back and cursed. He shut it down and popped the standard Met security.

Did he really figure out the system in one day? What the fuck was going on.

"He's in the Maya exhibit!"

"Raph!"

"On it, Fearless."

Motherfucker, Donnie cursed at himself and sprinted. He brought up the schematics of the room on his holoscreen.

"I have the visual!" Raph announced on the comms, which was immediately followed by a string of curses. "Stay still you slippery bastard!" And then. "I lost him but he is heading to the roof!"

Donnie smiled. Predictable.

"I'm on it!"

But then he came to a screeching halt. The fucker was heading to the main door! What?! Ballsy motherfucker.

Donnie jumped down the stairs.

"Freeze!" He got out his gun and fired a warning shot.

The thief didn't stop. Just kept running straight. Donnie followed. Then froze. The figure just passed through the glass door and the terrapin realized he was following a hologram.

"Please tell me one of you got him?" He asked his brothers, breathing heavily, feeling frustration building up.

"I saw him in the Danish exhibit but then he proofed!" Mikey responded.

"I thought I got him by the African exhibit," Leo said, his tone clearly indicating a similar failure.

Donnie cursed.

"You'll get him next time," Leo tried to comfort him.

"Yeah, thanks," he responded. The words were bitter in his mouth.

II. Weeks of intense research and work later the turtles were in Italy. Donnie once again figured out the thief would be there.

All the feed from the Met was tampered with and Donnie worked for hours to fix it. To just get three frames. Thankfully, he had seen the hologram. Raph also had a description, though not very helpful. "Short like a fucking kid and slippery like a weasel," he said. That much Donnie knew.

He managed to estimate the thief's height to be 150cm (about 4'10"). If they were dealing with a rowdy teen the turtle genius was going to be super pissed and impressed.

Right now he was riding on a huge adrenaline rush as he watched the thief through his scope. The guy was running away from Leo, who took the chase.

"I got you," Donnie muttered to himself. He aimed the shot. He wasn't going to kill the thief. Just incapacitate him with some tranquilizers.

It was the end of the road for their target either way. The line of houses ended and only a large plaza awaited. No escape.

The thief faced Leo. Then turned his head and looked straight at Donnie. The mask came off. Green skin - like the yellowing grass in autumn, face and bald, larger than average head dusted with freckle-like spots of various shades of brown, green and yellow. Pointed, pierced ears. The eyes, big, yellow, playful.

The thief winked and… just disappeared.

"Dude!" Mikey's voice activated the Comms. "The thief an alien!"

"Donnie, you okay?" Leo spoke up.

"You missed, nerd," Raph snickered. "So much for Mr. I-Never-Miss," he put on his Batman's voice.

"Shut up Raph," Donnie shot back. He was thinking intensely. She-, he was certain the thief was a she, looked straight at him. She knew his position. She led them to that corner of the street. This was all a game for her! "I need all your guys' phones!"

"Why?" Mikey whined. "I didn't do anything!"

Turns out Mikey did do something. A couple of days before he clicked some link on a website from his phone and that got the thief an entrance into their systems. That pissed off everyone and earned Mikey some extra training and cleaning time as well as a lecture on Internet safety.

What was concerning was that their criminal most likely got into their Top Secret files if she knew how to get to Mikey…. She knew who they were. Meanwhile, they knew nothing of her.

III. Next stop was Egypt. A short jump from Italy. They were going to monitor the Museum of Cairo. Why? Because right before he cleared all their electronics one message went through. “Up for another Caaper?”

When he checked the source it went dead. A burner phone. Now he had a dilemma. Either ignore it or follow… On one hand, it could have easily been a typo. On the other… In Cario there was a wooden statue of Ka-aper from the 5th Dynasty.

He chose to follow and that’s how they ended up there. Was she really going to steal the statue that was about a foot shorter than her? He thought back to the image of her in his mind. Who was he kidding, she absolutely would.

So they were staking out the museum. “Third time the charm, eh, Donnie?” Raph teased.

“Do you guys think she has like a spaceship? With lasers?” Mikey enthused over her. He wouldn’t shut up about the alien bit since Italy.

“You can ask her when we catch her,” Leo told him in a very tired voice.

Donnie didn’t join in on the conversation. He was in the room with the statue. Monitoring the screen, flipping through the feed from the cameras and paying attention to every single alarm there was. He didn’t want to miss any suspicious flicks or changes.

“Donnie, you alright over there?” Leo called to him, snapping him out of his focus.

“Yeah, yeah I’m here,” he responded.

“Anything moving?”

“Not yet…”

Why did she want to steal that particular statue?

Time ticked by… Suddenly he felt someone watching him. He turned around. Yellow eyes, right over his shoulder. He reacted immediately by throwing a punch at her. She was hanging by a rope from the ceiling. Pulling away, avoiding his fist by a hair. She flipped around. He pulled his gun and aimed at the rope. She kicked his hands and vaulted off the wall. He kicked at her legs and she fell on her back with an audible ‘oof’. He tried to grab her but she folded and jumped up to her feet. Punch, evade, retaliate. They danced across the floor.

He had to adapt himself to her small height, throwing him off a little. She had no problem with his.

Suddenly she reached for her belt and threw something at him. He ducked. She jumped again, using his knee as a boost and jumped over his back. He spun around. A puff of smoke in his face and his world went dark.

He didn’t know how long he was out. Mustn't have been long because she was still in the room, finishing up securing the statue to some ropes to pull it up. He groaned and got up.

“Stop,” he said, his voice hoarse. He reached to his thigh and pulled his second gun. Despite the headache his aim was steady.

She turned to him. Smiled. And pressed something on her forearm. A force yoinked him backward. Slamming him against the wall. He gritted his teeth. Magnets? When?, he thought angrily as he watched her ride up on the same rope she came down with.

She winked at him and blew him a kiss. 3-0.

IV. Donnie admitted that he may be a bit obsessed. The woman infuriated him and kind of… He dared not to go where his thoughts wanted.

His memory took him back to Italy and Egypt. Her bright yellow eyes, sparkling with mischief and excitement enthralled him. That confident smirk. He wanted to wipe it off of her face! He wasn’t sure how yet.

She tricked him three times! Them! She tricked them three times! Maybe the fourth time was the charm….

He knew his brothers were making some bets behind his back but he didn’t care.

They were in Tokyo, Japan, this time. She left him another clue in his pants while he was passed out.

His brothers were on the ground, while he stayed behind. Their eagle eyes. She wouldn’t slip past him again!

“I don’t think she’s gonna show up this time bro,” Mikey said. “You almost got her before, you think she’ll show up?”

“Thieves sometimes stop when they get scared but I doubt we scared her enough,” Leo sighed.

Donnie’s phone vibrated. He’d usually ignore it during the mission but this time… He quickly glanced at the screen.

After that one text she sent him before Egypt… Leo would probably yell at him so hard if he knew… But Donnie didn’t fully shut down one channel. He made it possible that if she wanted to contact him he’d be open for it.

And lo’ and behold. There was a text.

Unknown number: こんにちは！(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ I left you something at this location~! Take it as a reward for almost catching me 4 times now! And thank you for missing in Florence ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

Donnie jumped up to his feet and cursed.

“What’s up Donnie?” Leo checked in on him.

“I’ll be right back, this is important!” He tried to ease off the incoming protest, but also just in case he turned off his comm.

The attached location led him to a posh bar, just around the corner from the art gallery. He made sure his ski mask was on as he entered the establishment. Of course, all the eyes turned to him. Meanwhile, he only looked for one set of eyes. Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be seen.

“Excuse me,” he asked the bartender in Japanese, “something was supposed to be left here for me?”

The man eyed him, a bit fearfully but nodded. “What drink would you like, sir?”

“I’m just here to pick the item up.” Donnie tried to explain.

“The item is a drink and a letter for you after you get your drink.” The bartender insisted.

Donnie sighed. “Something fruity with rum then.” Why the hell not. Fuck it, they failed again. He might as well drink off the thieves tab. He waited for the drink to arrive before he lifted the mask up a little just enough for him to be able to drink. He took a sip. Damn it was good. He snorted and shook his head. This whole thing was so ridiculous.

As he was in the middle of his order the bartender slipped him a cream coloured envelope with a red lacquer stamp on it. Classy.

He broke the seal and opened the envelope. He read the letter.

Donnie smiled and shook his head. "God damn it."

He turned on his comm, which earned him an earful from both Leo and Raph.

"Guys, she's going to be in New York next," he told them.

"How do you know?"

"She told me," he said, draining the rest of his glass.

V. Was he annoyed that she was stringing him along so much? Probably. Was he excited to finally snap some handcuffs around her wrists? So, so much.

It wasn’t easy to find her. The riddle this time was a bit more complex than the one for Egypt and Japan. Then there was the matter of actually finding her in the urban jungle that was New York.

But when he did… He didn’t tell his brothers. It was his little secret. He didn’t want anyone following him there. He slipped from the compound when everyone else was asleep. The coordinates led him to a red brick building with an industrial elevator.

Thermal scanner told him where she was. He took the stairs as the safer option and climbed. Quietly, like a ghost he entered the large open-space. The wooden floor creaked under his steps and a loud bird attacked him. The creature wasn’t from Earth. It neither cawed nor barked. The noise was offending to his ears nevertheless.

Then a whistle. He saw her standing a couple feet away from him. She extended her arm and the bird perched on it. It had a muzzle and sharp teeth like a dog. scales mixed with feathers and claw tipped wings, almost like a bat. The legs were birdlike all-right. A long tail wrapped around the thieves arm securing it in the spot.

<Hello,> she signed. She smirked.

<Thanks for the hint,> he signed back.

<You welcome.> She stroked the bird’s head and it purred. With a flick of her elbow it flew into the air again and sat somewhere among the pipes.

<So, how do you want to do this?> She asked.

He reached to his belt and pulled out his collapsible bō staff.

She regarded him with an appreciative nod. Then she walked up to the wall. She pressed on a brick and a panel dropped down revealing a collection of staffs, spears and other weapons. She picked two thich sticks.

<Escrima?> He asked and she grinned. He got it.

They charged at each other. Blow after blow, the weapons clashed. She was nimble and fast, using her environment to her advantage. He, with the experience from Egypt, handled her better. No more blows that went over her head. She had to block him, make an effort to evade.

He hoped whatever they broke during the fight wasn’t something priceless.

Finally, he had her against the wall. Adrenaline buzzing in his ears. He hasn't won yet though. He knew it. Her golden eyes bore into his. Suddenly, both dropped their weapons and their mouths clashed.

The morning came, brutally invading Donnie’s eyes. He groaned and stirred trying to avoid it. When he couldn’t quite move his arm he looked up. One of his hands was handcuffed to the headboard and he smirked remembering that particular move.

He looked around. Karaa was sitting on the bed, eating a breakfast roll and smiling at him. She reached out and released his arm, which got a bit stiff.

<You’ll need to get dressed, your brothers and major Douche will be here soon,> she signed, smiling her usual impish smile. <Have some breakfast.>

<So, I passed?> He grinned.

<You will get points deducted for teamwork probably but…> she leaned down to kiss him. She wiggles her eyebrows with her best bedroom eyes.

He got lost in their kiss but pulled back when a thought occurred to him.

They started communicating after Florence. They didn't know at first who they'd be going in the against exercise. It was all part of it. Karaa though she found out things. And also being trapped by the US military she didn't see any objections in helping the boys out.

<Oh, yeah. They will not know what hit them.>

____________________________________________________

Bonus content!

*Text in Japanese above reads: "hello"

So I decided to do this one with the OG version of Kara.

Karaa (how the og spelling is, ye I know super original lol) was first created in 2014 as my Megamind OC. In the fandom we already had whole lot of Blue guys running around and... one Red, that came from desert part of the Meg's planet. I went like, so let's complete the traffic lights set and I made Karaa + the whole lore etc for jungle dwelling aliens of Megamind's planet.

This is how she'd look like. (art by Scarlette and Koda, I'm not sure of Scarlette's current handle it's been a while since 2014 XD)The earrings serve purpose also as disguise generators/cloaking devices.

Here's link to how Pi'ehra, her bird looks like.

I'll probably draw her tactical AU look soon!

#eve scribbles #tmnt donatello #tmnt donnie #bayverse turtles #tactical au #donnie x kara #donnie x oc #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2016 #tmnt 2014

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