#it's almost as if...... shield was corrupted by hydra and they knew.... something

[myfictionalbtch]

Her memory

Bucky Barnes x female reader

summary - Telling one of your closest friends you killed her mother almost 2 decades ago seems to be harder than it sounds. Bucky could talk about it.

warnings - mention of murder, sadness, a bit fluffy

Word count - 1,2k

a/n - hello, this one is quickly written, but I hope you enjoy it.

-----

“I just don’t understand it, I guess I’m just too old,” Bucky grumbled as he shifted on the other side of her couch, glaring at the tv.

“Oh come on, you just weren’t watching,” she bumped her foot against his bicep in warning, and he settled down.

She watched for a few minutes before he grumbled. Again. She got annoyed.

“Bucky c’mon, just try for me please, this was my mom’s favorite movie, I just want to do something she liked,” she begged sadly, making him stop in his tracks. Frozen, he unglued his eyes from the tv.

“Why today?” He knew.

“Oh, it’s the anniversary of her death, I just wanted to remember her with something nice,” (y/n) shrugged like it was nothing. He knew she sometimes had problems with showing her emotions.

“She was killed when she was working, an accident they said, but what kind of an accident is being covered by the government, I don’t know,” she smiled sadly. The weight of the notebook in his pocket was a million times multiplied as the words of truth sat on the tip of his tongue.

“I just wish they would at least tell me, I mean, how big of a deal is the death of a cashier to the government,” too focused on the frustration written on her face, he didn’t even register the words that escaped his mouth.

“She wasn’t a cashier,”

He knew he fucked up. The moment the last letter left his tongue, he knew he lost her. His closest friend, the only person he had in this, for him, absolutely foreign world.

“What do you mean Buck?” She asked.

“I-” he stuttered. He couldn’t possibly tell her He killed her mother because she was working for the SHIELD and was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

“James,” she threatened.

“I haven’t told you something important about my past,” he started. The notebook burned his skin through the thin material of his sweatpants. He took it out and handed it to her shakily.

“What is this Buck,” she asked confused.

“There is a page marked, open and read.”

“List of amends? Buck why would I care about people you wronged…” she stopped talking.

“Why is my name written in here bucky?” The desperation in her voice made his heart ache.

“I- I just want you to listen, and listen carefully. I know that after what I tell you you might never want to talk to me again, but I need you to listen to me until I finish talking,” he pleaded. She wordlessly nodded, not knowing what to expect.

So he started. He told her everything. Like the fact that he was truly old, and the jokes weren’t actually jokes, what HYDRA did to him, he showed her his arm for the first time. He told her about the mission from 15 years ago. How he was tasked to intercept an ongoing S.H.I.E.L.D. investigation that had come too close to ruining hydra, and how he had to destroy evidence and kill anyone who could say even a word of it.

He told her how he almost didn’t find her mother, she was hiding in one of the cabinets, but her heart beat too loudly, and he tracked her down.

At the end of his rant, tears were streaming down his cheeks, and he was desperate to hold it together, not to break down and beg her not to walk out of his life. He was selfish, but he couldn’t do it without her. It was as if she gave his life a new meaning after he was pardoned. As if he was whole again, after so many years of suffering.

She was quiet, her eyes wide with fear, horror, and sadness.

“Please,” he croaked out. “Please say something,”

“How were you planning to make amends with me? We’ve been friends for 8 months,” she mumbled, sniffling slightly. He chuckled humorlessly.

“Honestly, I have no idea. Before you, I didn’t take the list very seriously, most of the people on there were corrupted people who wronged hydra and I was sent to punish them by doing something worse than killing them,” Bucky shrugged. “But then, you came along. And for the first time, since I started therapy, the list became important to me. Maybe it was because I got the corrupted people done quickly, and left people like you, good people, to deal with later.” He looked at the notebook in her hands.

“I’m almost done, you know?” He chuckled. “There are 3 people left, If I’m not counting you,” he sighed sadly.

She looked at him for a while, studying him with her gaze. He should’ve felt tense, but right there and then, he didn’t. That’s where he felt the safest, the most himself. Under her gaze, in the confines of her cozy apartment.

“Do you remember everything from that day?” She peeped out, voice rough from the strain she put on herself not to break down. He nodded. It was his curse, all the memory wiping, and the only thing he could vividly remember were the faces. The horrified faces of people he murdered in cold blood.

The two of them sat in silence. Looking at each other from time to time, coming to terms with and realizing what had just happened.

“And he is gone. Completely? The winter soldier I mean,” She questioned curiously. Bucky nodded in reply.

“Yes, totally gone, nothing can trigger me, the words they used as a trigger are wiped, I spent some time in Wakanda because of it,” he explained. He saw her visibly relax.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. He almost jumped back.

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” He furrowed his brows.

“Because it’s unfair, I should be angry or horrified, or sad, or whatever, but I’m not, because what you have gone through is horrible, and terrifying, and I could never be angry with you because It’s you we are talking about,” she breathed out.

“Which sounds really weird when I think about it because, Bucky, you killed my mother, but at the same time it wasn’t you, and I’m rambling, and I- I just don’t know what to do,” she threw her hands in the air.

Bucky thought about it for a while.

“Would you want some space between us, like not seeing each other for a while?” She shrugged.

“I don’t know, I just- I need some time to think,”

“I’ll go then, call me when you are ready,” Bucky smiled sadly. She got to know him well enough over the past few months that they’d been friends to know, he was in agony.

She caught his hand as he went to stand up from the couch.

“I want you to know I don’t hate you, and that it was not your fault. I’m not angry, I just need some time to process. So please,” she pleaded. “Please don’t beat yourself up about this, I’m thankful you told me, it brought me the peace I haven’t known in over a decade,”

He nodded wordlessly, feeling just a little better about the situation.

“I might need some time so, please, give it to me, and when I’m ready, I’ll be back with you,” she squeezed his hand.

“I promise,”

He left her apartment with a small smile. He hadn’t lost her. And even if she needed some space right now, he was soothed by the fact that she would be back in his arms.

----

if anyone by any chance likes to read Harry Styles fanfictions, I have a separate blog, so go check it out. I made this one so I wouldn't mix fandoms when I feel like writing for someone else other than Harry.

*mwuah

#bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic idea #fanfiction #fanfic

[findsilver]

not a day goes by when i don’t think about bucky having MIA instead of KIA on his shield file when for all they knew, there was no chance a normal non-enhanced person could’ve survived that fall.

#it's almost as if...... shield was corrupted by hydra and they knew.... something #i mean?? could be a simple mistake #but ngl i don't think they looked for him #if they did it wasn't for long if AT ALL #that whole area was crawling with hydra and their enemies #wonder how different things could've been if they DID look for him #also steve put down the plane not long after right? #i wonder what ran through his head when he got his file and it was MIA #like they all thought he was dead right lol #why would they put MIA HMMM #don't think about bucky just lying in the snow #delirious and in pain #and they COULD'VE found him and saved him but they didn't #instead he got dragged and went back on the table #HORRIBLE

[youngbugandtonystank]

what's the difference between what wanda did to those people in wandavision and what tony did with ultron?

I have so many asks about this. Hate asks, and people wondering what’s going on. This is the only one I’m answering.

Both of them are responsible for their actions. I’ve seen people try and take away either Tony’s responsibility for that or Wanda’s engagement and accountability. 

In Tony’s case, the Ultron program was supposed to be a global peacekeeping program to protect the people, acting as a suit around the world to prevent events like the Battle of New York. He was doing it in the name of peace and safety. Tony was rightfully scared because he was the only one who knew what was coming. Wanda intentionally enhanced that fear in him and this drove him to create Ultron with Bruce. He has responsibility for it. Same as Bruce. He owns up to this, he took full responsibility and agreed that they needed to be regulated. 

Tony Stark: A few years ago, I almost lost her, so I trashed all my suits. Then, we had to mop up HYDRA... and then Ultron. My fault.

--

Tony Stark: There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.

--

Tony Stark: That's good. That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stop manufacturing.

--

If people think he needs to be in jail for it, then I’m guessing the rest of the Avengers too since all of them have made mistakes and killed people too. As a matter of fact, after the events of Wandavision, I’m sure that Wanda should be in the Raft, but because she’s ‘a poor baby’ yall won’t think she deserves that. 

SPOILERS

It’s a big possibility that we don’t have all the info about what happened in Wandavision but we’re going to go with what we know so far. 

In Wanda’s case, she did it to appease her grief and pain, and I can understand why she would get to that point, she’s been through a lot and maybe she was about to lose her mind. Instead of recruiting Wanda after the Sokovia incident, they should’ve given this girl treatment for her mental health problems. She just lost her brother and passed through a very traumatic war zone, of course she needs assistance. Cap and Natasha were the ones responsible for her because they were training the ‘new’ avengers. Sam was with them and he used to be a counselor to veterans with PTSD. He could’ve helped Wanda with some of her traumas. As shown in the series, Wanda did the whole hex business before meeting Agatha, which means creating that little reality was all Wanda’s responsibility. Hayward and Agatha did exactly what Wanda did to Tony (and the avengers/other people) in AOU. They manipulated her and played with her emotional traumas. Hayward showed her Vision’s body parts and Agatha started to pull strings to know how Wanda did what she did and her real powers while orchestrating against her. 

Both of them have made mistakes. No one is better than the other. I don’t understand why some fans want to make someone responsible more than the other or blame one character for the other. While Wanda gave Tony that vision and pushed his self-destructive side to obsess over saving the world, he did create Ultron, what Tony didn’t predict was that the robot was going to corrupt itself. Same with Wanda, while Agatha and Hayward contributed to her trauma, she held hostage and isolated 3,892 people to create her perfect reality, ripping these people away from their identities and free will to fit her own fantasy. Don’t turn this into ‘omg poor her, it’s Tony fault that she’s this way'. I can’t believe I have to repeat this but you don’t see Peter Parker obsessively looking for the person who manufactured the gun instead of the criminal who actually killed Uncle Ben. Ridiculous that I have to repeat this example. 

Oh and about Vision’s body (damn yall have a gift to turn everything into Tony’s fault for some reason). I can’t believe some of you think Tony (while grieving for 5 years) would give Vision to Hayward. You’re either pulling stuff out of your asses or you didn’t pay attention to the show. Maria Rambeau founded and was the Director of S.W.O.R.D. In 2018 (when IW happened), this is where she came up with a new policy within S.W.O.R.D. to ground snapped agents in case they ever returned. Maria was diagnosed with cancer, then two years later (2020), she passed away. Then, Hayward was promoted to Director of S.W.O.R.D., in his first years (2020-2022) he refocused the organization’s work from extraterrestrial operations to robotics, nanotechnology and artificial intelligence, etc. There, that was the 5 years. Then in 2023 it’s when he started project Cataract, which revolved around rebuilding Vision as a sentient weapon. Tony was dead when this happened. How come yall don’t get this part? I don’t understand, do you really think his dead corpse signed some papers to give Vision to those people? LMAO

Instead of thinking Tony would give up Vision just like that, think (possibilities):

Maria was the head of S.W.O.R.D., she might have just been keeping his body safe without doing anything with him. Maybe she trusted Hayward and he, obviously, betrayed her because he’s turning her organization into something else after her death. 

One of the Sokovia Accords regulations states that the use of technology to bestow individuals (the term ‘enhanced individual’ in this book is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities) with innate capabilities is strictly regulated by the government, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology. Vision signed those accords ('I'm saying there may be a casualty. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict... breeds catastrophe. Oversight...oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand’) The Avengers were no longer be a private organization and they operate under the supervision of the United Nations. This means they (UN) were the ones that referred Vision’s body to S.W.O.R.D., to a trustworthy leader, Maria. 

Vision died in Wakanda, not in New York. Tony was missing for 22 days after the snap, the rest of the avengers should’ve taken responsibility for his body.  

Why is it always Tony’s fault but never consider that other parties are also involved in this? 

I want to address some other asks with this one. I know some of you are angry because people are starting to blame Tony all over again, so a few things to remember:

Tony did not create the Accords. The Accords were the result of all the collective actions the Avengers have done in their superhero careers. All of them have made mistakes and the collateral damage of that was taken into consideration by the government and 117 countries around the world. He signed the accords because he knew that he could amend them with the support of the rest of the avengers and he knew about Thanos (something big was coming). 

Obadiah Stane (it’s so bizarre for me seeing that some people don’t know who this guy is, I’m guessing that the people who are watching Wandavision are too young to remember or didn’t watch the Iron Man movies at all which is highly probable) was the one selling weapons to the wrong people, not Tony. Obadiah was the CEO of Stark industries and became second-in-command for two decades. He grew jealous of Tony and began cooperating with the Ten Rings in Afghanistan, selling them Stark Industries weapons illegally. Imagine blaming all of it on Tony when Obadiah basically murdered thousands only because he felt a little green. If someone who you trust (he had no reasons to doubt Obadiah since he was like a second father-figure for him) does something behind your back (take into consideration that people like Pepper; who was Tony’s assistant and had knowledge of all of Tony’s activities and responsibilities, Rhodey; who was the liaison between the military in the department of acquisitions and Stark Industries, and Happy Hogan; who was his personal bodyguard and Head of Security of Stark Industries, didn’t know what Stane was doing either), how are you going to know about it? Tony trusted him. And when he realized what was going on he immediately stopped all of it. He worked hard to be better and people overlook that because they want other characters to look better. 

Don’t act like Tony was the only one assisting the military. All of the avengers assisted in one way or another. Natasha (who used to be an assassin) was in the Red Room, trained in the Black Widow Program in association with Leviathan and the Soviet Armed Forces, served for KGB, etc. Bruce Banner used to work for the United States government and was commissioned to create a super serum for them. Same goes with the rest, Sam, Clint, etc. Steve Rogers was a soldier lmaoooooooooooooo like, what happened to Tony with Obadiah happened to Steve with SHIELD/HYDRA in TWS. He trusted the people working in there (SHIELD), served for them, did missions for them and as soon as he found out what they were doing behind his back he turned against them. 

Knowing all of this, how is Tony always the villain for yall? I’m guessing because Tony’s popularity in the MCU, but still, aren’t yall tired of not understanding the plot and having people repeat it to you constantly? Watch the movies if you want to understand the franchise, people. Stop following the crowd. 

Also, Wanda is not a kid, she’s a 35 year old woman in Wandavision, she was 26 in AOU and 27 in CW. Hardly a child. Tony had almost her same age (38) when he realized Obadiah was selling illegal weaponry behind his back. The only reason people don’t fully forgive Tony is because 1. he’s a man and 2. he’s a billionaire. Even if Wanda was poor she still killed and hurt many people over the course of her life. Stop trying to make Tony the villain only to downplay Wanda’s actions. 

Both have killed people, both have made mistakes. They’re both responsible for them. 

#wanda maximoff #wandavision #vision #tony stark #avengers #marvel #mcu #this is the only ask I'm answering about this #exhausting

[icyymocha]

Falling Like The Stars

Pt. 2, 

warnings: Fluff. Lots of Fluff. Bits of angst. 

Word Count: 2,040

pairings: Bucky x Fem!reader 

Summary:  Bucky wonders how you would act as a mother if you and he had kids of your own. Bucky blushed at the thought. You would be such a good mother to your own kids. A possessive feeling was deep down in his stomach he knew all too well. Maybe….Just maybe….Would you like to start a family? No, no, no, he knew you would like to start a family. But, would you like to start a family with him?

Hesitant to voice out his opinion, afraid that this moment so surreal and domesticated would be gone in an instant and he would be brought back to the sinister hallways. A hell place that forced him to become a sadistic monster. The screams and cries of pain, torture, and never-ending abuse of Hydra plagued and tainted him. Bucky shivered at the thought of being in that hell hole, he couldn’t bear it any longer. He couldn’t even think about the thought of Hydra forcing you to endure what he had to go through. No, he would never allow hydra to steal you away from him, not once would he let them take you away and be used to their benefits. You’re too pure, and someone who has a corrupted soul like him shouldn’t be allowed to be with you. But here he is—with you.

With you by his side, guiding him in the right direction. You pull him so close as you both snuggle underneath the weight of many blankets on the couch; you guided him home. Bucky couldn’t help but feel soft. He cherished—no, he loved little moments like these. Where it’s just you and him. Your little snores and relaxed breathing soothes his, rather, internal demons that claw through his mind, etching to be heard. To scream out for wanting blood. Bucky doesn’t honestly know how you can calm down the voices in his head. It’s as if you held a command in his brain. He knew you would never implant a chip in his mind, you’re too soft and too good for him to do so.

Flowing like the river with grace and beauty, Bucky embraces your warmth as if he was starved for days. He pulls you in so close, you can hear his heart beating hastily. To him, it didn’t feel like the haunting of his nightmares or the blood that stains his hand as he feels himself being guided by the river he knows. This time, the river felt as if an old friend; comfort. It made him feel safe within the river when all he knew was the angry cries and screams and the blood that washes away in Fury's instance of the icy water.

His inner demons were clawing at his head right now. He can’t think or sense what his directions are. All Bucky could see at the moment was the blind rage of red but he couldn’t move for some reason. His breath was shaky and heavy, he needed to move otherwise Bucky is going to crumple anything that gets in his way. He needs to find a way to stop the voices to stop screaming. His thoughts and the voices swelled in silence feeling an intruder at his side. Bucky whipped his head to the side to see you all curled up to his left arm, the cold metal arm giving you some type of coolness against the hotness of many blankets that surrounds you.

Bucky’s eyes were soft and gentle. He carefully pushed back a few strands of hair behind your ear, you always found a way to make room in his ice steel heart. Somehow, you always calmed down the voices, he can hear the voices coos, and whispers as they talk about you, and only you. every part of him was hot. It was too overwhelming how much love Bucky felt whenever he’s with you. He never wanted to let go. Slowly, Bucky wrapped his arms around you, letting you fall into his chest as if you’re the missing puzzle piece to his puzzle map. The moment was relaxing until you stirred in your sleep, Bucky froze. You rubbed your eyes sleepily, snuggling in your boyfriend’s body warmth. A smile etched onto your face as you look up at Bucky.

“Hey there bubs, what’s on your mind?” Drowsiness in your tone, pressing a kiss to his jawline. Bucky grunted in approval. His shoulders are visibly relaxing.

“Mm ‘s nothing Doll,” he whispered. Rubbing your back and down, wrapping his metal arm around your waist, flushing you even closer than ever.

Sitting straight up, the blanket falling off your shoulders. You tilted your head and a pout formed on your face. Your hair is messy. Bucky couldn’t help but coo at the sight.

“It’s nothing when you’re breathing heavily and you’re being tensed beside me,” you said, intertwining his fleshed hand with yours. Kissing each knuckle of his.

Bucky sighed

“I’ve been thinking…” he said in thought

You’d waited patiently with him. Anytime he was like this, you’re always there by his side, always waiting patiently. He was thankful for how patient and understanding you were. It made him trust you and ensured him that you won’t be leaving out of his life, or at least he hopes so.

“After what hydra did to me, how much shit I had to go through. With you by my side, even after so many fights, breakdowns, and moments between us. I still can’t process how you’re still with me. Just you here is shocking for me…” Bucky said quietly, his voice dried from crying silently.

Your eyes were full of love as Bucky peered into your eyes. Shifting in Bucky’s hold to sit in his lap, you held his face in your hands. Kissing the tears away, you raked your fingers through his short disheveled hair. Caressing so tenderly, Bucky leaned closer. Your touches were so light and feathery that he couldn’t help but lean into it, wanting more.

“No matter how much you had gone through, no matter how you think you are broken inside or out. I’ll always, always, be there with you by your side.” You promised

Feeling so light-headed by how much love Bucky has received from you, he exhales a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. Nuzzling into your neck, he sobs. You waited until he came down from his breakdown, rubbing his back up and down soothingly. Whispering but sweet promises and words into his ear, only for him to hear. You hugged him as tight as you could, knowing how much Bucky needed this. It went on for a while. An hour or so had passed but you didn’t care. As long as you were holding Bucky in your arms, you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything but comfort him. No matter what, you’re not gonna lose him nor ever leave by his side. Sniffling into your arms, Bucky groaned. Aching from how stiff his muscles are, but he didn’t care. He needed you to hold him tight. He never knew how much closure he needed until he met you.

Just thinking about all the memories Bucky and you had gone through together made his heart swell. He remembers how you would scrunch up after trying out the vodka for the first time when you had an assigned mission by Tony at Russia about some leading evidence. How you would dance in your pajamas in the Stark tower kitchen while jamming to your favorite song as you cook breakfast for yourself. Bucky remembers how you had defended him when the new recruits of shield agents behind his back. How you would prank Sam and Clint whenever you felt mischievous, oh how he helped you pranked them. Bucky smiled watching you laugh at how priceless Sam and Clint’s reactions were and he remembers how he watched you running away as Sam and Clint chased you around. Almost pushing Tony into a wall by accident.

Recalling the memories of you taking care of Sam’s nephews and how caring and motherly you were towards them. You’d always make sure they are properly fed and taken care of whenever Sam took his nephews to visit your guy’s apartment. Bucky saw how much kids meant to you, how you adored each kid you meet. You were such a mother figure, to not only kids but adults as well. He rolled his eyes when he remembered how you were a mother hen towards Tony, Natasha, Bruce, and Loki when they cause such a reckless mess. He could hear how you would always ground them teasingly—with their time-out corner hats. Bucky laughed at the hilarious sight.

Bucky wonders how you would act as a mother if you and he had kids of your own. Bucky blushed at the thought. You would be such a good mother to your own kids. A possessive feeling was deep down in his stomach he knew all too well. Maybe….Just maybe….Would you like to start a family? No, no, no, he knew you would like to start a family. But, would you like to start a family with him? Bucky’s thoughts were cut off when he felt you leaning away from his touch.

“...Mmm’ Doll?” Bucky grunted

You stilled before relaxing. Instinctively reaching out to play with his hair. Bucky grunted in approval.

“Yes, Buck?”

“I need to confess you about something…” Bucky said under his breath. You nodded your head, waiting for him to speak up.

“...”  It took a moment but Bucky opened his mouth.

“How would you feel about starting a family, with me that is.”

“We’ve been together for almost five years together and I know how much you’ve talked about wanting to start a family when we grow old but we never founded the right time,”

“I just thought that if you want, we could start trying. I mean...You don’t have to,”

“I just don’t want you to feel pressured or do anything you do want to do—”

You interrupted Bucky with peppering kisses to his face. You teased him; planting kisses anywhere but his lips, Bucky whined. Snickering, you kissed him. Bucky tilted your chin for better access to kiss you, pouring all his love into the kiss. You both pulled away breathlessly, needing a breath for air. You stared at Bucky’s crystal blue eyes with a teary smile on your face. Bucky’s face contorted in concern.

“Yes, yes, yes!” you quickly shouted, startling Bucky. His blue eyes widened.

“Doll... ‘S okay, you don’t have to say feel like you have to say yes because of me” he frowned

You rolled your eyes, bringing Bucky into a chaste kiss. You put your forehead to his and closed your eyes, sighing heavily

“Buck, we’ve been together for almost six years and we’ve been through so much shit together and at first we thought we were going to fall apart but here we are, going at it strong and more determined than we were before.”

“I saw the way you gazed at me whenever I took care of Sam’s nephews whenever Sam had a mission. The way you longed for a family, how you always wanted—for us to start our own family. And I gotta say, as much as I joked about starting a family in the past,”

“I think I’m ready…” You whispered

Inside, you felt relieved and quite cheerful about starting a family with your lover. Just smiling at the thought of having your own kids running around in your guy’s home, something lit up inside of you about becoming a mother. You just knew you guys would be falling like the stars ever since you met those crystal blue eyes across the meeting room with Fury. Placing your hands on his chest, looking down. Bucky crept his hands up, intertwining with yours on his chest near his heart. Bucky felt happy knowing you agreed to start a family with him. His possessive side never felt this happy before and it was soaring hot inside his stomach; along with millions of butterflies fluttering deep down.

“Well why don’t we get started now?” he smirked. His crystal blue eyes darkened.

Standing up, Bucky lifted you off the couch. Your eyes widened in surprised feeling Bucky manhandling you with one arm; tossing you onto his shoulders. You squealed when you felt a hand against your ass. Bucky chuckled as he headed towards your guy’s shared bedroom.

Biting your lip for the anticipation that about to happen in your guy’s bedroom as you sat on the bed with Bucky hovering over your neck with love bites. You couldn’t wait to start a family with him; Bucky more so than you.

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky oneshot #bucky fluff #bucky angst #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fucking barnes #bucky blurb #bucky fandom #james buchanan bucky barnes #marvel #MARVEL FANDOM #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel angst #marvel fluff #marvel x reader #marvel oneshots #marvel bucky barnes #spicymocha #spicymocha'smasterlist #tfatws

[blasphemous-tiefling]

I think part of the reason why there’s so much discord in the MCU fandom has something to do with the varying directors for TFA, The Avengers, Winter Soldier, AOU, Civil War, Infinity War, and Endgame. And really, the backbone of the issue is how the different directors and how the audience interprets Steve’s character. Strap in. Because this is a long rant on a topic that normal people really don’t care about.

Joe Johnston created a Steve Rogers that was eager, begging to go to war. I absolutely adored the line in AOU when Steve says, “What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?” Because I feel that sums up Steve in TFA pretty well. He’s anti-bully. He wants to fight. But his whole life he’s been put down, stomped on. Steve repeatedly enlisting is both selfish and selfless. His conversation with Bucky in TFA is a great example of this. Steve says, “There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” And Bucky says, “Right. Because you’ve got nothing to prove.” And that’s it. Yes, Steve wants to fight because he’s always been bullied and doesn’t want anyone else to feel that way. Yes, Steve wants to fight because he wants to defend his country. But also Steve wants to fight because no one has ever given him a chance. Steve wants to fight because he wants his life to mean something. Steve wants to die in battle because he thinks it’s honorable. He wants to prove himself. Steve wants it so desperately for both selfless and selfish reasons, which is why he was so willing to take the serum despite the fact that Erskine told him about past failures. There’s even a certain selfishness to his sacrifice at the end of TFA. Many stories that involve sacrifice ride the line of selfishness and selflessness. By sacrificing himself, you could argue Steve is taking “the easy way out.” He’s distraught over Bucky’s death. He’s won the battle he’s been fighting since getting the super soldier serum. By sacrificing himself, Steve can effectively end the troubles caused by the Tesseract and leave without dealing with the consequences of his sacrifice. This point is a bit of a stretch, and not something that I personally agree with, but the thought it there.

Joss Whedon takes that selflessness and turns it into irrefutable righteousness, and it’s disgusting. Steve has a few goofy lines in The Avengers and AOU that I’ll laugh at, but ultimately, everything he does seems so out of character for him. His constant nagging and arguing with Tony is so unnecessary and doesn’t build friendship. His desire to do everything S.H.I.E.L.D. tells him to do is completely incorrect because Steve went against the military and broke the 107th out of the Hydra facility without permission and repeatedly did whatever he wanted without asking. His incessant need to have all the Avengers do as he says is totalitarian and unbearable to watch. Truthfully, this is where I think people misunderstand Steve the most because not everyone watches every solo movie. The Avengers movies are the biggies that most people won’t miss. So general audiences only see this righteous, dictator Steve Rogers and that really pisses me off.

This is one of the only times you’ll hear me praise the Russos, so get ready- Thank goodness Winter Soldier and Civil War follow Joe Johnston’s characterization of Steve. They even dig into his selfishness and rebellious streak, which I adore. Steve isn’t one to just blindly follow orders. Hello? Does “not a perfect solider but a good man” ring any bells? Perfect soldiers follow orders. Good men fight for what’s right even when the world is telling them not to. That’s who Steve Rogers is. What I adore about Winter Soldier so much is that we see Steve attempting to be this perfect soldier, but it’s just not sitting well with him. Something is fishy and weird. He talks to Peggy about her life. She says her only regret is that Steve didn’t get to live his. Steve talks to Sam about possibly getting out of government work. Sam is that representation for Steve- having a hard time finding out why he’s really in it to begin with. The entire film is about Steve going against the government, military, and S.H.I.E.L.D. with both selfish and selfless desires. He knows he needs to do something because Hydra is growing in S.H.I.E.L.D. but he also doesn’t want anything to do with it anyway, so why not tear it all down? Once Bucky is revealed as the Winter Soldier, Steve puts his life on the line to try to get him back. It’s selfish really. When Steve takes off his helmet and drops his shield, he made the decision to die because he wasn’t gonna continue to live without Bucky. Despite the fact that Steve made friends with Natasha and Sam, he didn’t care. All that mattered to him in that moment was James Bucky Barnes. This is very reminiscent of TFA when Steve breaks Bucky out of the Hydra lab. As the world’s only successful super soldier, Steve could’ve been very valuable to the American government and military. He was even doing mild good by helping sell bonds. But that didn’t matter. His country and his military was no longer priority number one. When it comes to Steve Rogers, nothing and no one means more to him than Bucky. Steve and Sam’s conversation that I previously mentioned also parallels this. After Sam lost Riley, he didn’t want to be in the military anymore. He said he felt like he was up there just to watch, nothing he could do. This is a direct parallel to how Steve feels about Bucky.

Civil War, while a trash movie, sticks with Steve’s selfish yet selfless motivations. “What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go and they don’t let us?” Not wanting to surrender his right to choose is Steve Rogers. He just put down S.H.I.E.L.D.- an organization that was giving him demands. Why would he sign his life away to the American government again? Corporations can be run by greed and corruption- something Steve doesn’t want the world to be full of but also something he doesn’t want his world to be ruled by. When Bucky is framed for killing King T’Chaka, Steve knows the Accords will bring Bucky in and possibly execute him. He can’t let that happen. And he asks Natasha not to get in his way because he doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt. He knows how dangerous Bucky can be, but he doesn’t want Bucky or anyone else getting hurt or in trouble due to this sticky Accords situation. Both selfish and selfless. I don’t even want to get into later in the film, but I guess I will. Guys, there’s no world, no universe, no place in time that Steve wouldn’t try to stop Zemo. Tony never even gave him the chance to explain himself. It was either, “Come with us or we fight.” Steve gathered that team together- not to fight Tony but to fight Zemo. It was never his intention to fight with Tony. He was just trying to stop Zemo. Now, when Tony learns about his parents’ death, anger is a valid emotion. Physically fighting and attacking Steve and Bucky to the point of death? Not valid or even remotely reasonable. It makes no sense as to why Tony would be that angry at Bucky- someone who was tortured and brainwashed to do what he did. Steve had his reasons for not telling Tony considering that when it comes to Steve Rogers, nothing and no one means more to him than Bucky. Of course, Steve was going to hide the truth from Tony in an effort to protect Tony, Bucky, and himself. Selfish yet selfless.

Infinity War gives us the glorious lines of “I’m not looking for forgiveness. And I’m way past asking permission. Earth just lost her best defender. So we’re here to fight. And if you wanna stand in our way, we’ll fight you too.” and “We don’t trade lives.” These lines beautifully sum up Steve’s rebelliousness and need to fight while also not risking others’ lives. He’ll always risk himself first. There’s not much to say about this film considering it’s mostly action and Steve shares the screen with just about every other superhero, so we’re not given a lot of time. But overall, the Russos kept that same Steve Rogers.

And then Endgame does a complete 180 and decides to serve us Joss Whedon’s Steve with a conservative, pro-military, unbelievably illogical twist. Steve’s obsession with Peggy in this film is so out of place. She would’ve died seven years prior in the MCU. Steve’s been living in the present with Natasha, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, and T’Challa. That was his family. He lost Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, and T’Challa in the Infinity War. It only makes sense that he would be fighting for them in Endgame. Yet he’s not. We’re beat over the head about how much he misses Peggy and it’s so unbelievably weird. Steve is never allowed to mourn Sam and Bucky specifically despite the fact that they were his number one companions. He never mentions them. Never has a touching reunion with Bucky. Barely has any reaction to Natasha’s death. It’s disgusting honestly. This is not “I will fight to my death for the people I love” Steve Rogers. And the ending is the most pathetic of all. There’s no world, no universe, no place in time that Steve would willingly go almost a hundred years away from Bucky and Sam, somewhere he wouldn’t fight for others. “Pretending you could live without a war.” I mean, come on. He’s Steven Grant Rogers. It’s disgusting to paint him as this man who would throw away his friendships and a world that is being bullied all for some girl he kissed once and barely knew. No. No, no. Not my Steve Rogers.

I give the directors a little too much crap. I’m fully aware that a whole team of people make these movies, but you can’t deny that Steve changes from movie to movie depending on the director. Endgame is the exception in which the directors were the same, yet they diverged completely from their original interpretation of the character. I’ve heard people say that it had to be an anti-gay agenda- that ending Steve’s story with Bucky would’ve been too gay even if they weren’t romantically involved, but I still think that’s pathetic. Honestly, I would’ve rather seen Steve die than have his character trashed and pooped on like this. From a narrative perspective, what happened in Endgame is not okay. Marvel Studios’ treatment towards “sideline” characters like Natasha, Rhodey, Sam, and Bucky- particularly in Infinity War and Endgame- is not okay. Yeah, I’m aware I get too heated over this fictional universe. But the characters are the only reason I stick around. The stories are lackluster for me. I’ve never been one to watch movies for action sequences. But I’ve always been in love with Steve Rogers as a character- complicatedly riding the line of selflessness and selfishness, dedicating himself wholeheartedly to a cause and to the people he loves. When in the end that character was completely scrapped and shredded in the garbage disposal like crust on bread or the skin of an apple, I’m gonna be angry for a long time.

#why throw away steve’s character? #sorry but I’m just not over any of it #anti endgame #mcu #marvel #steve rogers #captain america #the first avenger #winter soldier #civil war #I’ve seen every marvel property #but I hate #marvel studios #rant #honestly this rant was just for me #may delete later

[janeykath318]

The Broken Road, Pt 1.

From the time she was little, Darcy was fascinated by the red string that she sometimes saw around her wrist. It was not tangible and only she could see it, so anyone she talked to about it told her she had a very good imagination. Darcy knew it was more than that, though. Sometimes she would follow the string to see where it went, but it was always farther than she dared go without getting in trouble. The other problem was that it would only be visible for short windows of time before disappearing for weeks or months on end.

When she grew up and learned about the types of soulmate bonds, she was secretly pleased that she had one, but still worried about why it would flicker in and out so much.

She and Jane had many discussions on the matter during late nights at the lab. Jane theorized that Darcy’s soulmate traveled a lot and when the string disappeared, it was simply because he was too far away. Jane herself was increasingly frustrated about her own Soulmark, which was in a language that apparently no one on earth spoke.

“Maybe your soulmate’s an alien, Jane! They probably speak a language we’ve never heard here.”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Jane would sigh, staring up at the stars.

As it turned out, Darcy’s prediction was proved rather accurate a year later when Thor fell out of the sky and their world as they knew It changed.

Thor and Jane were ridiculously cute together and Darcy was happy for them, but her string was flickering worse than ever and she was definitely stressing out about it. She took to marking down the days it came and went in her little journal to see if she could decipher a pattern.

In 2014, she noticed the string stayed clearly visible, albeit it was jerking around quite violently. Darcy was actually glad it wasn’t a physical string because she was pretty sure, she’d be flipping about like a puppet or get her arm dislocated from the jerking. While this was happening, news broke about Shield’s corruption and they were riveted to the television, watching as Steve Rogers fought a terrifying masked figure and took down Shield. She thought it was a little strange how the Hydra assassin’s movements seemed to coincide with the jerking on her string, but it made her blood run cold and she quickly dismissed it as coincidence, well, She sure hoped it was coincidence.

The String calmed down considerably after Shield’s fall, but remained visible, only rarely jerking a bit. Darcy hoped her soulmate was okay, but the few times she dared try to follow it led only to dead ends.

In 2016, the Avengers split up and Darcy’s String jerked violently again sporadically for a few weeks and then faded out again. This time, she didn’t see it again for a whole year and had just resigned herself to her soulmate being dead, when it came back yet again, this time staying very still and calm. She figured out through lots of research that the position of her String and how it seemed to disappear into the Atlantic Ocean indicated her Soulmate was likely overseas, somewhere.

“Hopefully, wherever he is, he’s safe and happy,” she thought, trying to be patient and rubbing her wrist lovingly.

Of course, her luck didn’t hold out long and when the Snap happened, Her String faded out along with millions of other souls.

Overwhelmed with loss, she threw herself into her studies and got her PHD in Astrophysics. It helped having something else to focus on, but didn’t wipe out the ache she felt whenever she looked at her empty wrist. Did it hurt when one turned to dust? She wondered.

Five years later, and she’d almost felt like she was over it, and then The Decimation was reversed and the lost people returned, including her Soulmate.

She was kept very busy with work for the next couple of years, then traveled to New York to visit a colleague and as soon as she arrived, her String started buzzing, which, according to her extensive research, meant her soulmate was nearby.

Impulsively, she decided to follow her string and see if she could finally find the person on the other end.

It was a winding, twisting, journey, but she could feel the buzzing getting more intense and continued on, heart pounding in excitement. Finally, on a crowded sidewalk, she looked up and saw the other end of her String, winding around the wrist of a tall, dark, and broody looking individual, who she recognized from her history books as James Buchanan Barnes.

She stopped and stared.

He looked up and his jaw fell open.

#wintershock #soulmate au #red string of fate

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

No One Lives Forever Not Even God

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, Insomnia, mentions of antidepressants, mentions of drugs, drug use, mentions of addiction, mentions of nazis, parental neglect, mentions of the dead, cemeteries, mentions of meltdowns,  corrupt government, mentions of cancer, low self esteem, self destructive behavior, medical testing, thoughts of murder, mentions of injury, and mentions of knives, 

Word Count: 6.1k

Songs: Mother- Pink Floyd, He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Whinehouse, A Pearl- Mitski, Me and My Husband- Mitski, Saint Bernard- Lincon, Why Didn't You Stop Me?- Mistki, Nuestro Planeta- Kali Uchis, You Know I'm No Good-Amy Whinehouse, and Love Is a Losing Game- Amy Whinehouse.

 "I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too. Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence. But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.”

A/N: I only did one proofread so sorry if there are typos and this is just more of an infodump to set up other chapters so enjoy ig. I almost gonna start another series a social media AU let me know if you'd want to be tagged in either of these series.

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Nightmares come while I’m asleep but, when I’m awake the nightmares of the day just come for me then, so really I’m just stuck. I would like to say the antidepressants are working, it's just the insomnia that comes with them isn't working for me. I’m honestly starting to think mood stabilizers would do me better.

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

I’m not sure I could blame this all on the pills though. I’d have to give some of the credit to the massive bombshell that a certain ex Avenger had dropped on me. 

It's almost like every five seconds a new giant secret about my mom is unveiled to me. Like sure I saw from the video that she’d left me that she had associations with some bad people like Kingpin but nazis? 

SHIELD had apparently collapsed because it was infiltrated by Hydra but it was prevalent while my mom was still alive. Seems like she had worked for or with everyone who was anyone. I’m just gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t know because up until two weeks ago I didn’t either. 

Her and Natasha had been recruited at the same time and worked together but for someone who claims to have been so close to her you’d think she’d know that she was dead. “She went off the grid and that was the last I heard from her,” is all she gave me with a smile that even I could tell was fake and I’d just met the woman. 

You know when grown folks come up to you and expect you to remember them because they met you once while you were like in the womb that’s kinda my relationship with Natasha. She knows so much about me and I know absolutely nothing about her save for the fact she's a spy meaning she’d be a great liar. 

She used to babysit me sometimes if I could trust what she says that is. Apparently I called her “Auntie Nat”. For some reason no one ever thought it was a good idea to inform me that I had a godmother. Maybe they did and I just forgot. 

I thought they were supposed to take care of you when something happened to your parents. And the one who’s alive is about as useless as the other. It might be fun to have another person that was considered family. Just maybe not a spy at least I’d know she’d walk out of my life so I won’t get attached. 

Mother, do you think they'll like the song?

“Hey mom,” I sighed sitting down in the light dusting in front of her tombstone. “I know it’s been a while and I’ve got a lot to catch you up on,” 

It took a bit of digging before I found what I was looking for in my bag. I ran my fingers along the cold surface of the small jewelry box. There was puffy white glue holding the larger pieces together. 

I placed the box in the grass sitting next to the tombstone. I removed a purple coiled bracelet and sat it next to the box. 

I tucked my legs under my body admiring the piece of jewelry. 

“I brought you a bracelet,” I spoke. “It’s kinda like a friendship bracelet cause I have the other. I don’t know if I should leave it here in case someone steals it,” I laughed. “You’d have to be a real shitty person to steal from a cemetery though,”

I curse so often I didn’t realize I did it until I had already done it. 

“Ah sorry! Excuse my French,” I chuckled.

“I met Natasha Romanoff and she said she knew you. She said she knew me too. I don’t remember her though…” I trailed off. 

For someone who claimed to have a lot to say I sure was at a loss for words. I just didn’t know how to get any of them out. 

“Oh! You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you but I got to meet some of the Avengers. Most of them were new though. You’d know some of them. Like Captain America I wanted his help but he couldn’t provide it,” 

I had a bit of an episode when I was told no one knew where Thor was. I think it was justified though.

 How the fuck do you lose two Avengers let alone the ones that can’t possibly be hidden. One is green and huge and the other leaves lightning bolts everywhere they go.  

Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?

“The other is Natasha but I don’t think I really knew that yet. She went by Black Widow. I’m sure you knew that though. You probably know a lot,” 

I wonder how many secrets she never told me about. I mean I could only imagine all the secrets working for the government would let you in on. Like she probably knew about big stuff like the Tesseract and aliens maybe she could’ve known about that. 

“Okay I have a question. I have a lot actually but I think if you answer them I’m gonna get up and run out of here,” I joked. 

“Number one is my middle name Natalia because of your SHIELD buddy? Like it might just be a coincidence but it could also be a godmother typa situation or something,”

It was a running theory. She would’ve known my mom before I was born. And if what I was told is true they’d be pretty close too and Natasha translates back to Natalia and I know she’s Russian. It makes sense. 

Ooh

Mother, should I build the wall? 

“Uh… there’s this boy,” 

When was there not? It seems like there was always someone in my life. Carmen in therapist mode said it’s because I put my self worth into my relationship status.

 “He’s really nice. Like really really nice. Nicer than anybody I’ve ever been associated with. It’s just he’s like…” I didn't know how to put the next part into words. “He’s just too nice. Too nice for me at least. Like he’s such a good person and I’m just me,” 

“And it’s I feel bad,” I sighed. I was getting myself too worked up over this. “Like I keep playing like a game of tug a war with him where I let him in and kick him out again it’s tiring. I don’t even do it on purpose. I feel like we could be something maybe. But I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. It’s a self defense mechanism. At least I think.” 

I do it with everyone. I shut them out before they can get it. The less people you let into your life the less people that can walk out. 

It’s a bulletproof tactic. At least I used to think it was. Never realized people could get hurt including myself. 

“I saw dad,” I informed myself? I guess I’m not sure how healthy it is to have a conversation with someone you know can’t respond and isn't listening. “Like two days ago actually I didn’t say anything I freaked out and ran away. It made me think though,”

Mother, should I run for president?

Made me think about how I’d done so well on my own. Well I’m not gonna take all the credit, most of it was Carmen keeping my ass in line. I haven’t talked to her in a while. I haven’t talked to anyone in a while. 

”I found a small studio apartment in Queens. It was the cheapest one I could find. I’m just renting it like an Airbnb right now. I need to find a permanent place and a job,”

 I couldn’t find a permanent place at my age unless I had full autonomy which leads me to my next topic. 

“So I was thinking about getting emancipated which everything would’ve been a lot easier if you were here then we could just go to court for custody cause you’d win for sure.” 

Mother, should I trust the government?

“I know you never got to know how corrupt SHIELD was but do they like keep tabs on everyone who does anything to them or related to them? Because like I did a little snooping and I know they had files for all the Avengers and other people like Kingpin.” 

I knew I was going to have to do more than sit here and ask a dead person what to do but ranting to someone who couldn’t spill my secrets was a start.

 “I was just wondering how deep it went or if they had hidden stuff on me,” 

Mother, will they put me in the firing line?

It’s probably common knowledge that if you mess with the government they’ll mess back. I’d like to think they were like bees. You leave them alone they’ll leave you alone. Only stinging when provoked. 

But every branch of the government is like a wasp. They don’t die if they sting and they’ll sting you for no reason at all. They just like to see people in pain.

And I’m sure the energy research branch of SHIELD would probably be more than interested in a walking fire bomb that can move things without touching them. 

I mean I’m not going to stop poking things around until I figure out what’s wrong with me. So might as well not complain. 

“So I don’t have many things figured out right now and the whole you and SHIELD thing only confused me more so if you could just like come tell me what to do just this once that’d be great,” I laughed.

 At first I was contemplating if this was weird or not but hearing me say that I now know this is pathetic. It always has been.

Ooh

Is it just a waste of time?

But I didn’t know if I should keep searching. Maybe I should just pretend like I’d never gotten introduced to the world of powers or mutations at all. For all I know Peter, Carmen, Felicia, Wade and I are just normal people who do normal people stuff. 

Sure I wanted answers but I didn’t want to end up like those people who spend their whole life searching for an answer they won’t find any and end up never living at all. 

Like a quote my mom used to say all the time “The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all,” 

She really just used it so she didn’t have to listen to being put on bed rest but it obviously had a deeper meaning and she knew that. 

I keep finding myself stuck on that phrase. That and the whole when the dust settles poem. 

I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too.

 Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence. 

But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you. 

“Uh I don’t know if I should even tell you this cause you died before it was even a problem in the first place but…” I blew out a breath digging my feet deeper into the ground.

 “I’ve been clean for like two weeks now. Which is actually a thing I’m pretty proud of right now.” 

I’d stopped using everything except weed, nicotine because those weren’t drugs and even then I used it way less than before. Oh, and my antidepressants too but that’s obviously okay they’re prescribed. 

I hated the word clean made me seem like an addict which I wasn’t. I’m many things but I wasn’t an addict. I just didn’t know of any other words to use. 

I wasn’t an addict but I’d say the lines between recreational use and dependency were blurring just a bit. I had gotten it straight though. I’m good now. The antidepressants are helping. 

Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry

“You have a superpower of just making people feel better immediately. I don’t know if it was the fact you were my mom or what but if you even just put a bandaid on a stab wound it’d probably stop hurting and disappear,” 

I wasn’t even exaggerating there was this one time I got hurt at the zoo and she just kissed it and I forgot about the fact that I even fell. 

I’m not sure how true that is though because I couldn’t actually recall the memory I was just told about it by my mom a few years after it happened. So I guess I remember not remembering then being reminded. Weird. 

“I wanna see the giraffes!” Aaliyah cried, stomping her feet down on the concrete.

This was one of the only times mom didn’t have to work on the weekends and Liyah had to have her way like always. 

“Mom!” I screamed “Tell her you said we could see the lions first,” 

She just sighed. “Well since she’s the youngest do you think you could be nice and let her go first please?” 

“Fine,” I huffed. I wasn’t doing it for Liyah, I was doing it for mom. Even a blind person could see how tired she’d been lately. 

Liyah laughed at me sticking her tongue out. She’s such a brat.

“You’re so dumb.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“I know you are but what am I ?” She teased hitting my shoulder before running away.  

I took off after her. She may have been fast but I knew I could catch up to her. 

I almost had her when my foot got caught on something. It launched me towards the ground and I put my hands down to catch myself but I still hit my knee.

I slid on the concrete scuffing my leg. I didn’t scream because that would make me weak and it didn't hurt that bad. I just bit my lip and stood up. 

I didn’t want to limp but it hurt too much to put pressure on my leg. 

Liyah had beat me back to mom and when I reached them she was already apologizing. 

Fake.

 She was just scared to get in trouble. I wasn’t gonna snitch on her anyways. 

“Let me see it,” Mom asked, grabbing my arm, pulling me to sit down on a stonehenge. 

She reached into her purse and pulled out a first aid kit. She always had everything in her purse. It was kinda like a super power. The black Marry Poppins. 

She wiped the scrape with an alcohol wipe and I just barely hissed. It didn’t even really hurt anymore. 

She placed a bandaid on it, smoothing her hands on top of it before placing a kiss there. 

“There,” She wiped her hands on her thighs before standing up “All better?” 

I nodded my head and we went off to see the giraffes because I’m nice like that.

“In case you were wondering, Aaliyah still always gets her way even now. I’d say she’s got me beat on the manipulation game honestly,” 

It’s fine though I taught her everything she knows not everything I know. I could still get one over on her if needed. 

Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true

“I found your pendant, the SHIELD one. Which I guess makes all of this real no matter how much I want it to be fake. I just want this to be a poorly written book where I wake up and the past five years were all a dream,” 

God knows how much I meant that. Well maybe I didn’t mean it too much because some people I’ve met in the past five years are people I don’t think I could survive very long without. Even though I kinda exploded on everyone so maybe I’m gonna have to test my theory on how long I can really survive. 

“Hey Doc,” I greeted pushing up the door of the restaurant. 

“Hey sweetheart, how ya been?” He queried.

“I’ve been better,” 

“I hear ya,” He nodded. 

Once we were in the back of the restaurant aka his office. I pulled out the diamond. Doc knew everything about everyone and anything. He could also make a duplicate of anything you gave him. 

“Whatcha got for me?” He asked, rubbing his hands together. 

“This, I’m not sure what it is,” 

I placed the bird pendant on the desk. I found it in a shoe box filled with my mom's stuff. 

“I was wondering if you knew,” 

He lifted it up to his eye to get a better view, His eyesight so bad that his glasses were practically a magnifying glass. 

“It’s a crest, I don’t think I’ve seen this before it’s most likely from a government branch,” He placed it back down on his messy desk. “I can do some more extensive research for you if you’d like,” 

“Yes, that’d be great,” 

“Stop by again tomorrow and I’ll fill you

I wish I never went back to Doc’s place or found out about flash drive, Vulture, SHIELD, any of it. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get anymore fucked up the devil came out the woodworks and spit in my face. 

Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you

“I remember all that testing they did after I agreed to do whatever Stark needed me to do sooo badly. I still don’t really know what he did- or he’s doing with all that DNA and other stuff he’d gotten from me,” 

Aren’t the Avengers and by default Tony Stark products of SHIELD so wouldn't that mean whoever’s behind all of that could’ve been the one to tell Tony about the fire thing in the first place. 

That had been the main thing about the whole Stark situation that I still couldn’t figure out. Someone needs to tell me how he found out and they better tell me now. 

“There are multiple lacerations 1-2 inches lining the upper and lower abdomen,” The doctor lady announced to her assistant. Before moving her cold hand away from my side pushing my shirt back down. 

Okay that’s chill nothing I haven’t had before. 

“We’re gonna have to do another X-ray is that okay?” Her assistant asked. I wasn’t going to bother to learn their names. I was planning to stay that long anyways. 

What’s the point? They’re just going to come back and say the machine is broken and then do another blood test. 

“Yeah sure,” 

I was led into a much bigger room than the last. There was much more machinery too. 

I was strapped down to a cold blue cushioned table by leather straps. Straps weren’t really necessary, not like I was planning on lashing out and mauling anyone. 

I closed my eyes when the flashes of the machine went off. Apparently I had fractured three of my ribs and bruised my sternum. 

You’d think they’d let me go now but noooo they need more blood and then when they were done drawing blood. 

They had to hook me up to a machine to monitor- I don’t even fucking know what they were monitoring. 

I just know I had all the pads with wires on my temples and chest and everywhere else. It reminded me of that one time I had to do a sleep study. 

Except they didn’t have holographs to read off and fancy probably government funded tech then. They sure as hell didn’t have all this whispering either. Or maybe they did and I was just unconscious.

Still I didn’t even want to actually be here and I was cold for once. 

“How much long do we have here?” I groaned.

“Not much longer. We just have and MRI left,” 

Yeah right. I was gonna be in here for the rest of my life

“I could probably go back there if I wanted answers,” I spoke quietly. 

“But I don’t want the government in my business like that well at least just not more than they probably are already at least and the tests are so invasive,” 

Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing

That’s not the only invasive thing in my life. Or should I say was in my life? I don’t fucking care really.

 My dad was somehow the strictest and the most lenient person ever. I think he just wanted control.

 I used to blame his alcoholism for everything he did but no really he’s just a shitty person. A shitty person who likes to beat on women and take doors off the hinges. 

“You are so pathetic!” My mom screamed at my dad. 

 They had been at this all night. For so long that I’m seriously contemplating jumping out of this small window right now. 

Sapphire had no qualms sleeping on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Aaliyah and I however were still wide awake. 

I’m not sure exactly what was going on in her head but I’m assuming we're still up for the same reason. To kill our dad if he even touches our mom. 

I had a kitchen knife in hand as I sat on the bathroom sink. I always had a knife every time my dad started yelling a little too aggressively just in case but this time felt different. Like I was really prepared to stab him this time. 

I didn’t know what it was but something felt off. 

“Are they done?” Aaliyah asked, rubbing her eyes. The apartment had fallen silent. 

“I don’t know. Stay here,” I hopped down off the sink. 

I should’ve known she wasn’t gonna listen to me. The kitchen was empty which means they must’ve moved to their room.  

The next moment was the sort straight out of a family sitcom except the family was falling apart and the kids were going crazy but otherwise it could’ve very well been an “oopsie” misunderstanding moment. Where the younger child asks “Are mommy and daddy getting a divorce?” 

Then the oldest child pulls them into their body and whispers “I dunno kiddo,” or “No they’re just going through a rough patch,” anything like that.

 Except it wasn’t that. That wasn’t what she said and that wasn’t what Aaliyah asked me. 

God how I wish that was what she asked me. 

I have a bad habit of acting before I think. I opened the door opening my mouth to let out the words in my brain. 

“You’re dying? How are you dying?” 

They both turned to look at me like they were just noticing they weren’t alone. 

My mom sighed moving closer to me grabbing my arm. 

“I’m- Im not no ones dying,” 

The door creaked as Aaliyah pushed her way into the room. 

“But you said ‘I need you to step up you need to know how to handle it when I’m dead’,” She paraphrased cleaning out the cuss words. 

“It didn’t mean literally dying right now,” 

Now I could see how this could be us just jumping to conclusions from like two sentences but she had been weird lately. Like she’s always traveled a lot and been secretive but lately she’s been extra secretive. 

And I could tell the secret wasn’t to protect herself so whos to say it wasn’t the fact she was currently dying. It actually makes perfect sense. 

I’m starting to wish I wasn’t always right. Stage 4 Lymphoma. Basically we should go coffin shopping pretty soon. 

If only she wasn’t so selfish and would get treatment for it. She couldn’t leave me here by myself. Who’s gonna take care of us if she dies.

 I’d thought about it before and I decided I’d take on the role of caregiver for my sisters but then it was only a what if situation. 

Wade has cancer and he’s not dead but that’s only because he got pumped with like super drugs shit. 

Now I just needed to find some super drugs and figure out how to get her to take them. 

Fuck Cancer and fuck my dad. Why couldn’t he have gotten the diagnosis instead of my mom. A life for a life type beat. 

I guess that wouldn’t have made for a good tragic backstory would it. And what fun is life without a tragic backstory.

 My only question is when does the backstory end and when does the actual plot begin because clearly I’m not there yet. It’s only tragedy after tragedy.

 Maybe that is my story, just pain and suffering. Someone has to be the butt of the joke. 

She won't let you fly but she might let you sing

“You always told me to surround myself with people who you could block out the rest of the world with. Peter’s like that so was Olivia she was one of those people for me. When we weren’t yelling at each other or crying, I mean. Still wish you could’ve met her though,” 

“AH YES!” I exclaimed, pumping my fist. “I found it,” I waved the joint in the air. 

“Alright come sit down then,” Olivia laughed, patting the seat on the couch next to her. 

“Shit,” I muttered. “Where’s the lighter?” 

She just laughed at me again. Before reaching into my pocket and slipping it out. I couldn’t help but smile at how intimate that action felt for no reason at all. 

I quickly and lightly pressed my lips to hers muttering a quick “thank you,” 

About three minutes had passed and I could feel the weed taking course through my system. 

My head was in her lap until I abruptly shot up gasping at the beginning of Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean. 

“Dance with me,” I pleaded it didn’t take much convincing because here we were twirling around. Although it was much more giggling than dancing. 

I bumped my leg on the glass coffee table and immediately apologized making Liv and I laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.

I was laid out on the soft white fur rug with Olivia laying her chin on my chest. I ran my hands through her hair. 

It was actually very easy there were no knots my fingers just glided smoothly through. 

“I mean shit,” I breathed “I know I can’t run from the rest of the world forever but until then? Bitch you can call me Flash cause I’m zoomin’.” 

She giggled at that before speaking up.

“You don’t have to run you can just stay here with me forever,” 

Her words were so genuine it made me want to cry. She basically just said “I love you” in more or less words. 

“You know what? I think I might,” 

She gave me a tired smile, turning her head to place a kiss on the top of my breast. 

I smiled back at her and how adorable she looked right now. I just want to kiss her for the rest of forever. 

When I glanced back down at her I could hear her breathing slow and her eyes had fluttered shut. She was asleep. 

I felt all warm and fuzzy and at peace and I couldn’t tell if it was the weed or if it was just being in Olivia’s presence. 

I wasn’t ready to say these words to her when she was conscious yet maybe I’d never be ready but I’d say them now. Just to get them off my chest. 

“I love you,” I whispered. 

I never really felt comfortable saying that to anyone. Probably a result of not hearing it enough as a child or something. My family’s never been affectionate anyway. That’s fine because I wasn’t my family, I was my own person. 

Stroking her hair gently before drifting off to the land of dreams myself.

So much for forever huh? 

It’s funny to think how I took times like that for granted if only I knew those were some of the only moments of normalcy I’d get for a while. I’d spent too much time thinking about what could’ve been with almost everything. 

So much so that I didn’t take much time to actually be. Now I feel like I’ve made it to the point of no return. Not mentally but like with everyone else around me. I think I pushed people too far away this time. Not so sure I could get them back. 

“Uh I can't really remember what I’ve already told you so I’ll run through it all. This vigilante or superhero Spiderman started doing his thing then I got caught up in his mess.” That was most definitely an oversimplification but what do I look like telling my mom I was a well known thief. “Then his relation to Tony Stark got extended to me so now I kinda do stuff for him but I don’t work for him.” 

I don't work for him he might think I do, but in reality he works for me. I had almost everyone at the compound wrapped around my finger. 

“I don’t think I really wanna work for anyone. I was offered to be an Avenger in training but that isn’t really my style. I will use his gym though.” I rambled on. 

It was kinda weird how easy it was to rant to my mom like this because not like she could voice her opinions about anything. I guess I hadn’t visited in so long that I forgot what it was like. 

Mama's gonna keep baby cosy and warm

“Oh!” I exclaimed remembering a very important factor that I left out. “Then we have the whole Staten Island fiasco that I told you about. I remember telling you that. I’m still searching for answers on how I did that too,” 

Like some real answers not that radiation BS.

“Your phone’s broken,” I pointed out the cracked screen sitting on the wood. 

“Oh shit!” Peter cried “May’s gonna kill me this is the second phone I’ve broken this month,” 

I came off way calmer than I was feeling. I’m surprised I wasn’t running around screaming right about now. I was probably just paralyzed in fear. 

How do you react in a situation like this in the first place. 

“Okay how long are we going to be sitting here? What are we waiting on?” We’d be up here looking down at the fire crackling underneath the pier for like 15 minutes now. 

“I don’t know actually,” He sighed. 

“Uh…” 

How was I supposed to respond to that? That was the driest response to anything in the history of the world.

 “Well since I’ve already pinky promised I won’t spill your secret can I ask some questions while we wait for you to figure it out?” 

“Sure, go ahead,” He nodded, shaking his arms. 

“Okay number one did you think I had died or something because if someone burst into flames in front of me I’d probably think Satan was coming for me. I’d cry too,” I laughed but had to stop myself as the stabbing in my ribs ran through me. 

“No, I didn’t think you were dead, you had a pulse,” He pointed out “Maybe I could’ve thought you were dying though. And I wasn’t crying,” 

Liar. He so was crying. 

“Aw you don’t have to lie I think it’s cute,” I teased if I didn’t feel like my body was falling apart I might’ve poked his side.

“Alright, second question: do the webs like come out of you? Cause that’s kinda disgusting,” 

“No, I make them with chemicals ‘n stuff. I’d explain the science to you but I’m not sure how much you’d care.” 

I let out a small laugh knowing what feeling would come if I laughed too hard. 

“I mean you could explain it ‘m just not sure how much of it I’d understand,” 

We both laughed at that. 

“On the topic of the webs what’s there integrity like how well do they hold up or like how long,” 

“Uh…” He blew out a breath running his hands over his face “As far as I know they last up to two hours. That is unless someone cuts them or something,” 

I couldn’t help but wonder if Thorn was one of those someone’s to cut the webs maybe I was the only someone. I didn’t really need to ask the question. Aaron had already answered the question for me when he told me about the deal at the ferry. I just wanted to see what Peter would tell me honestly. 

I spent the rest of the night asking questions and cracking jokes. I was talking for so long I didn’t realize how late it’s gotten. 

It should be a world record how fast I managed to fuck up 5 friendships. Well it’s my personal best at least. Only took like 4 minutes. 

I feel like that’s all I do is just fuck up everything. I used to believe there was a difference between being fucked up and being a fuckup but the older I get the more I realize that there isn’t. 

It’s like someone built a self destruct button in my head and every time something good happens to me I feel the need to run away. 

Like Peter he’s literally perfect he's smart, respectful,  adorable, and selfless. He’s literally a fucking superhero for godsake. 

I was trying so hard not to fall asleep. I really was but all the Trigonometry chapter was doing was mixing with the sound of rain outside and triggering the urge to fall into a deep sleep. 

“Okay,” Peter tapped his textbook with his pen. I wish I could be confident enough to do math with a pen. 

“So sin is equal to the opposite of whatever angle you’re trying to find so first you have too…” 

He droned on, I knew he was talking about the math problem lying on the bed in front of me but I wasn’t listening. Maybe if I sat at the desk I could actually be paying attention right now. 

“Y/N?” 

“Hmm?” I sat up on my elbows yawning.

“Are you tired?” 

I just hummed again. Until I realized what the question was. I reached for my phone and it was already 9:03 that woke me up for sure.

“Oh shit! I gotta get back,” 

Not like I’d get in trouble or anything but Carmen would get on my ass about the fact I didn’t come back when I said I would then she’d make something out of nothing. 

I scrambled around trying to find all my things to put them back in my bag.

“Wait it’s raining though,” Peter pointed out.

“Yeah,” I chuckled “It’s New York it’s always raining,” 

“Yeah but it’s cold and wet and dark so if you tried to skate you’d probably get hurt,” 

I knew what he was doing and it was working because frankly all his excuses were shit because one I don’t get cold and two I could just walk and there are lights everywhere but I was gonna stay anyway. I was too tired to argue right now. 

“May!” Peter shouted.

“Yes?” She called back. 

“Can Y/N stay for the night?” 

“Yeah if her parents are okay with it,” 

That’s how I ended up wearing some shirt with some dumb science pun sitting on the couch watching Aladdin for like the millionth time ever. I was singing along to One jump ahead  when I felt eyes on me. 

I turned my head but before I could make eye contact with Peter he acted as if he was watching the movie the whole time.

“What?” I giggled. Fuck, I hadn’t like genuinely giggled in the longest time.

“Nothing,” He replied, turning back towards the TV again. 

This time I was the one to stare at him wondering what was going on in his head. Not even the fourth song in and I was already yawning struggling to keep my head up.

 This goes to show how much willpower I had because I couldn’t even stop my eyelids from falling shut. I deserved to sleep though I’d been exhausted lately. 

There’s only like 6 people on this planet that I trust enough to fall asleep around and surprisingly Peter had become one with like 5 months of knowing me.

 I would still trust him if given the chance I’m just not sure how much he trusts me right now. I understand though. I don’t deserve anyone’s trust. 

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious​

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #reader x peter parker #peter parker drabble #Peter Parker x Vigilante!Reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x black!reader #peter parker x bi!reader #peter parker x bisexual!reader #peter parker x poc reader #peter parker x #peter parker x villian!reader #spiderman x villian #spiderman x thorn #peter parker x thorn #MCU x Y/N #mcu series #mcu x reader #mcu #Thorn Series #thorns prick

[hannya-writes]

Hihihi! I know it's kinda crazy and I just found your acc but I was LITERALLY thinking about a Marvel-SVU crossover and found yoooooou. I mean... The algorithm lead me to you. It's ✨ Destiny ✨ haha So I was wondering if you could write something Marvel-SVU kinda with Carisi x reader (i don't know if you watch agents of shield) where reader has to go UC for Shield and falls in love with him and he finds out she's Shield etc. I don't know if I'm making any sense rn I'm just really happy I found you. And now I sound creepy but it's already too late and I'm sending this.

Dear @lapaquerette : I do not watch Agents of shield, but I did my best! I swear I did! 😭 you totally made sense! But I feel like there's part of this story that are not so good, anyways~ let's get to the story!!

Title: Don't Tell anyone

Fandom: MCU and Law and order SVU

Pairing: Sonny Caruso x Reader

Other characters: no, I think no

Category: romance

Warnings: this doesn't have a happy ending bc I'm bad writing those! This is long I think.

Author's note: for a moment I thought of making this a serie, but my head couldn't stand it! I don't feel like I can picture Carisi in the right way so probably he's going to be very OOC. Also I'm not supper proud of this because I literally did what I wanted with the time line, Captain America: Winter Soldier happens in 2016 however Caruso es ADA in 2020 if I'm not wrong but in this case the events of winter soldier happen in 2020. Also there's like 2 years of difference btw WS and Civil War, and I tried my best! To make everything fit, but you know, you can kick my ass in comments.

• • •

The mission was supposed to last just a couple of days. Y/n had to pose as an assistant to the Junior ADA's why did they need assistance she didn't know, but when Nick fury assigned her there she just didn't dared to ask.

"Find out what's going on there" he had said as if it was a life or dead situation.

Pepto. That's what happened. High expectations was the other thing happening. The Junior ADA's where being pressed, running towards death case by case.

It was boring, the first two days Y/n had played "who's the jerk of the room?" She had found more than one, stress made that to people. Who cares about cordiality when they had to put people in jail? The answer was Dominic "Sonny" Carisi.

Sonny never yelled or snapped at people, he always asked nicely about papers, he said "Good Morning" and "thank you". He was a gentleman, a knight in a shiny armor. He made funny jokes even when he was struggling with a case.

Y/n had felt a weird desire to help him after just one encounter. The puppy eyes, she reasoned. After that day when he was in court she appeared there, sat and suddenly the people being cross-examined poured the truth without control or bursted in fit of rage confessing everything. She wasn't making something bad, she was helping, which she was supposed to do. No one was going to link her to those incidents. No one knew what she could do.

— copies, now — one of ADA's order her and she almost pushed the asshole and told him to do it himself, it was only a copy machine, he only had to push a button! However, Y/n was a trained spy, she had control over every muscle in her face to not make a disgusted expression at the tall and skinny man. 63 ways to kill him appeared in her head in a second.

— Sure thing — she said in a gently tone, entertaining her mind in the more horrible ways to deal with Tommy.

Tommy Parish, a bully in and out of court, linked to the Irish Mafia. He thought he was a big fish, prepotent but surprisingly brilliant. He was like a weasel. He wasn't that important. Shield wasn't interested by his night activities. They thought there was something else, something more important. Y/n didn't think so. The more interesting thing there was...

— Oh, Sorry didn't meant to...— Sonny said as he almost hit Y/n with the door.

— my fault, I was standing here like a creep — she took the guilt with a sheepish smile.

— A penny for your thoughts — he said as he walked outside and Y/n instinctively followed, as she usually followed after director Nick Fury,

— I think I'm being punished — she said while walking aimlessly, if Sonny had walked in the male restroom she would have probably followed him blindly.

— punish? For what? Did Tommy said something mean to you again? — the blond man sounded concerned and for Y/n it was refreshing, people around her tended to be more defensive around her than being worried about her well being.

— no! I think Tommy is warming up to me — Y/n said proudly — it's my umm... Dad, he send me to live here and I think is because he is mad at me —

There was a small silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

— why would he be mad? You are amazing! — Sonny sounded so positive and brilliant, he always seemed to have that aura around him, even in the worst cases. Y/n noticed it, and worried her when he started to lose his shine.

— in my last job, I made a mistake and people got hurt — the confession was sincere. She wasn't lying, she was omitting that those people didn't just "got hurt", they died. She had killed them.

— You are human, humans make mistakes — he said stopping in front of an embellished door. — talk later? — he asked and Y/n nodded with a smile.

•••

After a month everything still was normal. No conspicuous action, no weird people. Y/n wondered why was she there? Was she really being punished by Fury? She had made a mistake, she had chose to save a person, she couldn't know that the objective was going to detonate the whole place. She couldn't read every single thought, her brain would melt if she even tried.

— Sorry, I need to... — said Sonny pointing at the copy machine, y/n blushed for being caught spacing out, again for the 4 time in a week

— I'm so sorry, allow me — y/n extended a hand offering to make the copy for Carisi.

— don't worry, I can push a button — he said making her smile and feel weird.

— please Mr. Carisi, let me be of help — she offered tilting her head a little bit, Sonny found that little action distracting and cute enough to give her the papers he needed to copy.

He saw her move, she was so elegant even just making copies.

— thank you — he told her sighing exhausted.

— don't worry Mr. Carisi, I'll do this, get it in a folder and get it back to you, why don't you go rest your eyes a bit? — she asked with a smile, noticing his tired demeanor

— I'll do it, if you start calling me Sonny — he negotiated and she laughed whole heartedly — come on, everytime you call me Mr. Carisi I feel like you are talking to my father —

— fine, you got yourself a deal — she offered her hand and he took her in his bigger one. Sonny felt asleep with the sound of the copy machine working.

— Sonny, Sonny — Y/n soft voice took him out of dreamland, he found out in that moment that his Nickname sounded awesome from Y/n lips.

•••

From Sonny's eyes y/n was an amazing woman who was able to help everyone with their tasks, she made copies, keep archives ordered, got everything for everyone. She made time to know all of the junior's ADA's of "her room", she served coffee when needed, got them food, kept clean clothes for them just in case. She was like a mother. Sometimes she even helped them found the info they needed. She made all of that and made it with a polite smile. She had been there for like a year and their interactions where short, but he was head over heels for her.

Why? Because she got a great sense of humor, she was nice, smart, sassy when needed, had an excellent memory, she made the best black coffee he had ever tasted. She never got nervous no matter the circumstances. He didn't understand how or why was she assigned to be the "mother hen" of 7 ADA's, but he was thankful. Some days became better the moment she gave him a smile and he imagined that smile was just for him.

Sonny pinched the bridge of his nose in pain. It was past midnight and he was still in his office, working on papers. Practicing his opening statement.

— the truth... The truth....— he repeated trying to remember the next point of the speach. He grunted frustrated.

— Sonny? — the sudden voice made the attorney jump and Y/n laughed.

— Geez, doll! — he exclaimed surprised — You should use a bell — added more awake than before.

— doll? — Y/n questioned rising an eyebrow, Sonny turned red.

— Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you — he quickly apologized.

— you didn't, I actually like it — she admitted — I'll allow it — added in a solemn voice — with a condition councilor, only in private I don't need more gossips going around—

After saying those words, Y/n knew that she was digging her own grave. She liked Sonny.

•••

Y/n looked at her phone horrified. Nick had send her and encrypted message. Which was resumed to: You are free of SHIELD, live the life of Y/n Veith. The life he had created for her, an identity that couldn't be connected to the Spy agency. Y/n Y/l/n had died in what they called something like the purge of Hydra. He didn't needed her. He had died. Captain america had basically destroyed the corrupted SHIELD. This was her life now. She was what? a secretary? An assistant?

She should had fail with SHIELD, she should had been there with Fury, protecting him. But she didn't. She pretended nothing happened and followed his last order to her: live like Y/n Veith.

She went with the flow. Acted like everything was just fine, made a routine, followed it to the last point. Untill one day out of the blue she broke down crying in Sonny's office. He was her friend.

— what happened? — he asked on the other side of the desk, surprised that in the middle of his speech, y/n started crying. The case was difficult, a father died to protect his daughter. The teenager girl had been raped and her father was killed by the rapist. It was way more complicated but, that were the facts.

— sorry, sorry — she said cleaning her face with her hands, Sonny approached and offered her a handkerchief that she took hesitantly. — I lost, I lost him — she stuttered.

Sonny kneeled by her side, took the handkerchief and cleaned her beautiful face.

— I'm so sorry, doll — he said even if he didn't understand, Y/n felt his consternation.

— my father died — she said with a soft voice — my house burned down — she added and Sonny understood, her father adopted her, he had saved her and then lost it all. The case had hit too close to her.

— Come on, we had enough of this case — he decided getting up, taking her hands to get her to stand — I'll take you home — he said and she smiled with sadness.

— I don't want to go to my department — she confessed getting up and Sonny gave her a soothing smile.

— We can go to my place — he offered without a second intention, she nodded and they walked away from the office, Sonny ordered an Uber.

Outside of One Hogan place with a heavy heart, y/n leaned against Sonny and he hugged her while waiting for their ride, and during the ride.

Y/n fell asleep without nightmares for the first time in the 6 months after the dead of Nick. Sonny by her side, over the covers and behind a "wall" of pillows fell asleep with the image of a peaceful Y/n.

•••

Three months later, Y/n entered Sonny's little office, she said a "sorry to interrupt", the blond man stopped writing and turned to her eagerly, he tried to suppress his desire to look into her eyes but he wasn't that good at that.

He hadn't seen her in more than 14 days thanks to his overflow of cases and her being stole by homicides DA, who had discovered she was very good in investing.

She muttered a "what?" In mockery, as if the distance and time hadn't even happened and added a "I got you a donut!". A donut that he had craved since morning but wasn't able to get. He sighed a laugh, sometimes it was as if she could read his mind.

— you are life saver, doll— he sighed in relief taking the donut from her hand.

— Should I get you some coffee? — she asked with that caring tone that made him feel special.

— I would love that — he accepted as she merrily went to the coffee machine and poured him a cup and then a glass of water.

Sonny wondered about where did those pretty and elegant glasses came from, have they always been there? She left a bag in the table and walked back to him. He pretended to be working but it was hard to act when she was walking towards him with that dark red pencil skirt that hug perfectly the curb of her hips, the black blouse making contrast, hanging a bit loose over her torso.

— thanks doll — he said when she put the coffee and water in a corner of the desk, he looked at her with a smile — water? — he asked with a joking tone, y/n nodded

— yes, sir — she said in the same joking mood — I took an account of the caffeine you ingest by day, this could be dangerous for your health, so for every cup of caffeine, one of water — she explained with as much confidence as a lawyer making an opening statement.

— are you worried about me? — he was almost flirting, she blushed even if they sometimes flirted a bit.

— I worry about all of you — she pointed out and gave a mischievous smile that made Sonny blush.

— thank you, doll — he quipped with a smile, she smiled back and walked away to Parish desk, the man sat there looked down to his papers as Y/n put a bagel by his hand.

Sonny noticed how Tommy's ears got as read as a tomato and turned to look at her with adoration, the same look the other ADA's got everytime she was near. He had seen how things slowly changed with Y/n presence, at first they were rude, condescending, then they realized that she was excellent in her work. She had saved all of them more than once with little actions.

Y/n had a charming aura and some men in the office had asked her out, Tommy included, but she always turned them down, with an excellent excuse. "I'm seeing someone".

Carisi wondered who. Who was she dating?

•••

— Coffee — she announced as she took a folder and put it carefully away.

Sonny smiled and suddenly thought of Y/n lie about she seeing someone. She had never tell him about her boyfriend, he thought of all of those slice of life moments they had, the banters they have, the many times she had helped him. The times she would stay in his apartment so she wouldn't be alone.

Was he the person she was seeing?

— do you have plans for tonight? — he asked abruptly and Y/n looked at him surprised.

— I got a date with my bed, but I can reschedule — she offered with a smile, she could rest later, she had to enjoy every moment with Sonny.

— do it, I'll take you to a wonderful place — He said with all of his confidence, she giggled — after work? — she nodded contently.

— It's a deal — she said before walking away with a big smile in her face.

Sonny felt stupidly happy. It was him. She was dating him unofficially.

•••

That night Y/n tried to look as perfect as was possible in work clothes, she had refreshed herself, use a little more of make up. She was excited, she really liked Sonny and had wanted to go on a date with him, no work talk, no solving ways to state a question. She wanted to know him in a more personal way.

They sat in a table of a nice looking bar, a decent one. It wasn't pretentious, they actually served food and not just greasy fast food. She had told him distorted versions of stories with her "family and friends", (since she couldn't talk about her real life and training) like that time her father had taught her how to use a gun for her homework and she discovered she had weak fingers.

She heard about his time as a Police officer, a detective nonetheless! Sargent Benson seemed to be a very empathic person, Detective Tutuola was definitely a funny man, Amanda was for him like one more of his sisters. And Sonny discovered that she was adopted by a man called Nick, Nick Veith he guessed, since he thought that was her real last name.

She had two "adopted" sister and a brother: Maria, Natalie and Clinton. Maria was righteous, Nat was smart and sassy, Clint was funny and sometimes really annoying. Sonny thought he would get along easily with them.

They laughed between stories, they were getting fun untill Y/n felt there was something wrong. Something was about to happen. Something bad.

— Something wrong? — Y/n barely registered Sonny's voice before jumping over him yelling a "get down". A telekinetic wake made the other around people fall to the ground just in time as a rain of bullets came from the broken windows.

Sonny heard the glass breaking, people screaming in panic. Saw the bullets fly over him and the bottles in the bar breaking in slow motion. He had never experienced anything like that. The light weight of Y/n over him. And his monkey mind thought about how right that felt.

There was a "clank" from a gas' bomb, then a flash and a cloud of white smoke. People stood up and started running.

— Y/n — Sonny pulled her to see her face, he thought she would be scared, paralyzed from fear. However, when he saw her face there was no fear, she seemed confused, puzzled. — come on, we have to move —

Y/n was thinking the same, but she didn't know what was the right move: defend everyone there using her not-so-human powers? Run away and pretend to be a delicate woman, scared of the situation?

— doll? — Sonny sounded worried and in almost panic, a switch turned as boots hit the floor of the bar.

— Stay behind me — Y/n said with confidence getting up, feeling the presence of 8 people surrounding them, circling them. — and... — she looked at Sonny worried — don't get scared — she pleaded softly.

— Y/n Y/l/n surrender yourself — someone yelled and the woman felt her skin crawl, she hadn't hear her name in more than a year. It sounded good.

— is this about the accords? — She thought, aware of the Sokovia accords and what they proposed. She hadn't signed them. No one was supposed to know about her, her powers, she hadn't expected the government to notice her.

Nat? Clint? Maybe Maria had told them.

— That's right, put your hands in the air — the man ordered in a shout. Y/n closed her eyes and closed her hand in a thigh fist, making the fog disappear.

— Sorry, I can't do that— she confessed pushing the man with telekinesis. — I'm not a weapon you can use —

A new row of bullets flew towards Y/n and Sonny. A bright green light appeared in her eyes and all of the bullets stopped in the air, traces of the same light that made Y/n shine seemed to contain the little bullets like tendrills, the bullets turned in the air pointing at the squadron that was attacking her

— Y/n, no! — Sonny made her react, the tendrills disappeared and the bullets fell useless to the ground as the woman turned to see the Attorney.

— Sonny, sonny — she stuttered worried— no, no, no, no, I would never hurt them, I'm not a monster, I'm not! — she said almost in panic,not because of the attack but for the ideas Sonny could get.

Sonny saw the green and now red light form an eyes over Y/n, then monsters from nightmares formed from the light, monsters like dogs, with skulls covering the hideous animals with blood dripping from their snouts, bodies wet with a black substance. The animals roared and jumped to defend them.

Y/n saw fear in Sonny's eyes. She recognized it, a bright tendril started to form in the exact point of her heart, the fear taking form in her presence. Her hand squished the light over her chest, stopping something else to form.

He didn't know what to say. Carisi knew about the avengers, the new york incident had affected his work, he had saw everything about "ultron", he was informed about Tony Stark and the avengers every move. But he didn't know what was he supposed to say? "Sign the accords" was what he wanted to say. It was selfish for him to ask that, he couldn't do it.

— doll, you're not a monster— he finally found his own voice to say that. — but you have to go —

— Sonny, I... — the ADA put a strand of hair behind Y/n ear taking her by surprise.

— If you don't mind, I'll like to kiss you — he said making her blink in disbelief.

— yes please...— she said and Carisi smiled brightly, his large hand caressed her cheek and softly leave a tender kiss in her soft lips. It barely lasted more than a second. When Carisi opened up his eyes, everything was back to normal. Like a couple of minutes ago, right before the shooting.

In the table was a note: "Don't tell anyone" he recognized Y/n writing. He wondered if everything had been a dream, a hallucination. A part of him told him that no, that couldn't be his imagination. Y/n had left.

#law and order special victims unit #marvel fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #reader insert #marvel #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny x reader #sonny carisi x y/n #sonny carisi x you #ada sonny carisi #requested #law and order svu

[ciarawritesmarvel]

teaming up - steve rogers x reader

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 6.5k, we’re trying to make up for lost time babes

Warnings: Swearing, obviously A/N: Hello my lovely, lovely humans! I won’t make this long, but here’s a little something something for you from The Univer5e! finally ciara, where the heck have ya been This follows the plot of The Avengers, largely but with a zoom in on our gorgeous parents to be. Lots of love and I hope you and your families are staying safe at the moment <3 ---

“You here with a mission for us, sir?”

You collect the knives that you’ve thrown at the wall in three quick swipes, cleaning the sawdust from them on your sweats. In a few short strides you’re stood next to Steve, facing Fury in wait.

You’d been in here for the better part of three hours. Neither of you were heavy sleepers and if one or the other needed a late night gym session and for some inexplicable reason did not want that gym session alone, then the other was more than happy to oblige. Steve had his punching bag and you had your knives. There was no talking, no interaction. Just a hug on arrival and an understanding that from then on, space was needed.

Steve had been slightly more tightly wound than usual this past week. It wasn’t a surprise when you got the phone call. You briefly wondered now whether somehow he knew Fury would be arriving sometime soon.

But that was impossible.

“I am.”

“Trying to get me back in the world?”

“I think one of us has already achieved that one,” you stepped in, a smirking glance sideways to see Steve’s face. He didn’t spare you the same glance, instead locked on Fury. You sighed. You might have cleared him for duty and he might have accompanied you in eliminating a few low level threats, but that didn’t mean he wanted a mission from Director Fury.

There was a part of you that wanted to kick Fury out of the room and keep Steve completely cushioned and safe, to tell him he never had to hold another shield again, to tell him he’d seen enough war and he never had to see any more.

But Steve wouldn’t want you to do that, and the world probably wouldn’t thank you either.

“Trying to save it,” Fury said gravely, and you realised you’d been so focused on Steve and his well-being that you’d missed the little gravel in Fury’s voice that meant this was something serious. That this was something big.

He handed Steve a file and you moved closer to him to read it with him. The Tesseract. HYDRA. Having spoken to Steve about his past in some late nights past, some of the words sounded bone chillingly familiar. One look at his face told you that you were right.

“Hydra’s secret weapon…”

“Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you. He thought what we think, the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That's something the world sorely needs.”

“Someone took it?” You chimed in and Fury nodded.

“He's called Loki. He's not from around here. The world has gotten even stranger than you already know.”

Steve finally looks to you, but there’s none of the usual playful glint in his eye that you’ve come to know so well in the last six months of being assigned to him. Or in the last three months of him being your closest friend. His slight smile is resigned and painful and it makes your face contort into a pity he probably doesn’t want.

“At this point, I doubt anything would surprise me,” he directs his comment at you even though he should be talking to Fury. You place your hand on his bicep. An understanding.

“Ten bucks says you’re wrong,” Fury counters and the tender moment is gone as you drop your hand to fold your arms across your chest again, “There’s two debriefing packages waiting at your apartment, Captain. Y/N will go over everything with you.”

Fury spares you a glance and you give him an almost imperceptible nod. Steve’s already beginning to leave and you know he wants nothing to do with this, not really. But you also know he wouldn’t even think about not accepting. You pick up your bag and his bag, slinging one over each shoulder as Steve picks up a punching bag on his own. You know he’ll want a private anger release tomorrow morning in the comfort of his apartment.

Before he can get away, Fury speaks again.

“Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?”

You’re wincing, because you just want to get Steve the hell out of there and be able to talk to him properly and Fury just can’t take a hint. Steve doesn’t even turn around, just turns his head and he looks at Fury and then right at you. You inhale sharply.

“You should have left it in the ocean.”

And with that, he walks out of the gym and you’re left with the two bags and an eerily silent Nick Fury. Without much second thought, you offer a half smile Fury’s way but ignore the fact that he looks like he wants to say something and instead follow Steve out of the door.

He’s waiting for you out on the street. It’s clear he needed the fresh air. He’s gulping it in, chest heaving and eyes narrow. You arrive at his side and he starts walking, letting you fall into step beside him and taking his own bag from you with a mumbled thank you. You take the ten minute walk back to his apartment in silence, the darkness only cut into by occasional headlights and the orange glow of street lamps illuminating your footsteps.

A couple of steps and an elevator ride later, you’re dropping your bag near the door of his apartment, tucking your copy of his keys into your pocket again and dropping down onto the sofa with a grumble. Steve’s disappeared into his bedroom and you give him a minute or two to put his bag away and position the new punching bag, picking up the debriefing package on the table and flicking through it.

You’re surprised that he walks back into the living area and that you don’t have to go fetch him. You sit up and pat the sofa cushion beside you and it doesn’t take him long to collapse down onto it next to you and pick up his own copy of the debrief.

“One of the reasons I was at peace about going into the ice,” he begins, quite suddenly and you let the debrief fall into your lap to show you’re listening, “was because I knew I was taking that...that thing with me. That it would never corrupt anyone again. I was so naive.”

You shake your head.

“You weren’t naive, you had hope. I don’t often have much of that. I admire your penchant for it.”

“And I admire your realism,” he retorts and you smile, picking up your debriefing again to read it, speaking with your focus on the pages.

“Well that’s why we’re partners, right? We complement each other, bring out the best in each other,” you say it as cheerily as you can, even though this mission makes your stomach twist with nausea, “We’re better together and we’ll stop this ‘Lowkey’ guy, or whatever the fuck his name is, together too. Okay?”

He stares at you with eyes just beginning to spark again. Lets the corners of his mouth turn up in a quiet and unassuming smile.

“Okay,” he concedes, with an overwhelming need to place a hand on your elbow, or to tug you into his arms or even, and the thought makes him blush, pull you onto his lap and just hold you for a little while.

He continues reading instead.

---

Watching Agent Phil Coulson go full on fangirl over Steve was one of the only things keeping you happily preoccupied on the quinjet. For a while, he managed to make normal conversation about Dr Banner based on the video Steve was watching, but it didn’t take him long to begin complimenting his idol and explaining his input in the new uniform. You watched on from a few seats away, smirk firmly planted on your face.

“I could’ve made an excellent Adjustment Officer, you know,” Phil says wistfully as he finally leaves Steve alone and wanders over to you and you stand from your seat with a fond smile.

“I have no doubt,” you agree, even though you actually have many, many doubts about that one. Steve wouldn’t enjoy having someone gushing about his prowess on the daily, certainly not someone they had to actually see on the daily, “But you have other things to take care of. And speaking of, I haven’t managed to do this yet.”

You pull him in for a quick hug and then pull back and continue holding on, eyes scanning his face and body.

“What are you doing?”

“Checking you’re okay, of course. Nobody else does that for you, Phil, least of all yourself,” you roll your eyes and finish your check with a curt nod and he looks relatively touched by the sentiment, “Once my mentor, always my mentor.”

He knows what you mean. You mean a lot to him too, after all, and you know this even if he’s never told you directly.

“Missed you too, kiddo,” he says sincerely, ruffling your hair and finding glee in the scowl it gains him. He seems to remember something and suddenly glances behind him at Steve and lowers his voice to a volume only you will hear, “You think he’s ready?”

“Oh, he’s ready,” you say without hesitation, “Even if he doesn’t know it yet. We’re ready.”

---

Descending the ramp and spotting none other than Natasha Romanoff waiting for you at the bottom of it did nothing to calm the fast beating heart in your chest.

“Agent Romanoff,” you call as you near her and she looks up at you with a smirk that you’re pretty sure she’s wearing in every photo you’ve ever seen of her, “I can’t quite believe that two of the most powerful women in SHIELD haven’t had the pleasure of meeting until now.”

You shake hands firmly and Steve arrives beside you.

“Ma’am,” he nods politely and she raises her eyebrows slightly at you but says nothing of the formality.

“Hi,” she directs this at Steve, a subtle way of dismantling whatever formal ideas have gotten into Steve’s head, “And I think they kept us apart on purpose. Can’t have too much power in one place.”

Oh, you like her.

“Something like that,” you agree, following her as she begins walking.

“There was quite the buzz around here, finding you in the ice, Cap,” Natasha continues as you walk, “I thought Coulson was gonna swoon. Did he ask you to sign his Captain America trading cards yet?”

“Trading cards?” Steve asks, clearly confused and you have to bite your lip to stop your laugh from spilling out.

“They’re vintage. He’s very proud,” she says it matter of factly, but your attention is caught by an anxious figure making his way through the crowds, gripping the satchel bag on his shoulder for dear life. He looks up and- it’s him. Seeing him like this makes you feel guilty for the tiny sliver of fear that creeps up your spine upon recognising him.

Steve is better, knows this better, the alienation, because he’s the first to approach him with a handshake and a quick reassurance when it’s clear that Dr Banner is a little apprehensive of what people will think of him. It only makes you feel more guilty.

“Y/N,” you introduce yourself then, stepping forward to shake his hand too and offering what you hoped was a kind and not a pitying smile. Much like Steve, he did not seem the kind for pity. You see the opportunity for a joke to lighten the tension and you take it, “I’m the muscle and he’s the comic relief.”

You nudge Steve with a smile and he rolls his eyes even though he’s smiling too and Dr Banner looks just ever so slightly more relaxed.

That is, until the helicarrier begins to lift into air. You and Nat share a look and quickly hurry the men inside, Steve looking more than shocked and Bruce looking much the same for an entirely different reason.

---

With Loki locked up, a joke that only Tony laughed at when you told it, you had a distinctly uneasy feeling that everything had been too easy. Steve had it too, it seemed, even though Tony and Thor seemed relatively unfazed by the whole thing.

You sat around the table, watching the feed of Loki’s imprisonment and frowned at his total lack of worry in this situation. He had a plan. You just knew it.

Having captured him in Stuttgart, meeting Iron Maiden himself and none other than the God of Thunder along the way, you and Steve seemed the most uncomfortable with the whole thing. Tony was talking, it seemed he was always doing that, joking about something or other while you sat there silently, staring at the screen, deep in thought.

Steve was still joining in, asking all the right questions and getting less than conclusive answers. When Tony and Banner walked off to their lab to do...whatever the hell it was they did, Steve finally turned to you.

“I don’t like this,” he said simply and you nodded your agreement, looking between him and the live feed of Loki. It was as if you thought looking away from him was dangerous, “And I don’t like him.”

“Who? Stark?”

“Yeah. He’s not taking this seriously.”

“I think he is, Steve,” you reasoned carefully, finally looking away from Loki properly and deciding it wouldn’t hurt, “This is how he deals with things. His coping mechanism.”

Steve opened his mouth to argue but clearly thought better of it. He stood instead, rolled his neck and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m going to find somewhere to train in this place. You’ll call for me if anything happens?” he said it sincerely and you merely nodded in response, knowing that the two of you were on the precipice of an argument and wanting to avoid that at all costs.

You could understand where Tony was coming from. You, too, sometimes used jokes as cover for an underlying fear and though training as an agent forced a lot of that out of you in mission situations, it was still a default reaction. To hide everything with humour. As someone who was good at reading people, you were almost certain that was the case with Stark.

You were also almost certain that it wasn’t a point of view Steve would understand just yet.

---

You were sat, still watching Loki on the screen but now with the added Agent Romanoff, talking to him. One calm, the other irate. At one point, when Loki banged on the glass, you flinched right along with Natasha.

“Y/N?” Steve entered the room you’d been in alone and you spun to face him, hand at your holster before you could realise who it was. You relaxed and Steve’s brow furrowed at your jumpy nature but he didn’t say anything of it, “A word?”

He sounded pissed off and you agreed reluctantly, following him down the corridor and into the hull of the ship. You asked three times where you were going, what exactly you were doing, but were met with silence each time. It was only when he began heaving a heavy door open that you placed a hand on his forearm to stop him.

“Steve, you’ve gotta give me something here.”

He sighed, like he really didn’t want to do this, but knew he had no other choice.

“Fury’s hiding something,” he said it matter of factly and a look of confusion overtook you, “Stark’s looking into some encrypted files as we speak and Banner agrees that something’s off. I want to check it out.”

The look on face showed you that he desperately didn’t want to have to check this out and your heart sank. But there was a bad feeling in your gut about this one and despite your loyalty to Fury, there was a certain other loyalty that may have taken precedence nowadays.

“Okay, we’ll check it out,” you conceded, then with a playful wink, “Old school style.”

Steve shook his head at you, before you stepped back and allowed him to open the door, not bothering to help when you knew you weren’t needed. He only opened it just enough and the two of you slipped through and into a dark warehouse area.

You glance around, but there’s nothing of note, no markings that stick out or capture your attention. After a few moments, Steve nudges you and points upwards and you follow his finger to gaze at an upper level you hadn’t noticed and one that couldn’t be reached.

At least, that looked like it couldn’t be reached, until Steve leaped up there, grabbing the railing and hauling himself over. He leans down and holds out a hand.

“Jump, I’ve got you,” he says quietly. There’s a moment of hesitation but then you come to your senses and you take a few paces back before jumping just as he says, your hand clutched in his own and him pulling you up with relative ease.

“Thanks.”

You continue on in relative silence until you see a crate with markings that don’t feel familiar and a serial code too high for what should be stored in this warehouse. You stop Steve with a hand across his chest and crouch down, running your fingers over the lettering.

“Open this one,” you say briskly and he frowns but does as you say, hauling the lid from the crate.

You gulp. Close your eyes for a second as your heart rate spikes. You hear Steve’s heavy exhale beside you and see him look away and back again, clearly more angry than you had ever seen him. These were Hydra weapons. A strange guilt began gnawing its way through your stomach.

“I promise you, I had no idea,” it’s a gut reaction to the sight of the weapons, a desperation for him to know where you stand, that you stand with him, that you have done for months and you will do for as long as you can possibly do so.

“I know,” he murmurs under his breath, and you can hear the icy anger in his tone but it’s not directed at you. He picks up one of the weapons, not that you can understand what it is, “Let’s go.”

You follow him back along the walkways to the place where you ascended and he jumps down, placing the weapon on the ground then turning back to you.

“You’re sure you can handle this?” you ask playfully and you’re worried you sound a bit like Tony but Steve smiles at you and insists, only holding his arms out closer.

You vault the railings and carefully lower yourself into his arms, letting them encircle your waist and then he lowers you down until your feet are almost touching the ground. Almost. He stops just before, just when your faces are level and your breathing becomes the most laboured. He stops and holds you there, noses almost touching and breath mingling together, before his ulterior motives seem to slip away and you’re back on the floor without a word.

Your heart is racing as you slip back through the door and make your way to the lab, but it has nothing to do with the Hydra weapon in Steve’s hand.

---

“Phase 2 is SHIELD uses the cube to make weapons.”

All eyes are on the two of you as you interrupt the conversation in the lab, standing beside the table. You look at Fury and see a flash of guilt behind his eyes as he glances to you and you look away, shaking your head in disgust, arms coming up to fold across your chest.

“Sorry, the computer was moving a little slow,” Steve says to Tony and there’s almost a little pride in the way Stark changes his stance. Under other circumstances, you might have smiled at this back and forth. These two were more similar than they’d probably ever care to admit.

“Director, you mind telling me what the hell is going on here?” you butt in, fixing him with an apathetic stare that you hoped would be as unnerving as possible.

“We gathered everything relating to the Tesseract, that does not mean we’re…”

“I’m sorry Nick,” Tony slides the screen across to where you can clearly see plans for weapons powered by the cube, “What were you lying?”

You roll your eyes and hear a small scoff from the figure next to you.

“I was wrong, director. The world hasn’t changed a bit,” he sounds furious, yes, but there’s also a resignation there that forms a lump in your throat. The life that he’d had these past six months brought him into a new and changed world, one that was finally becoming a home, one that you had introduced him to. All that had changed again now.

It’s then when Natasha and Thor enter the room and you find it hard to listen to the argument that ensues, wishing you could simply storm out of the room as you would have when you were a child, found a nice quiet corner to slink down into and cry, knees bundled up to your chest. There was also an unfamiliar irritation that felt almost outside of yourself settling as a weight on your chest, and made it increasingly hard to bite your tongue.

It’s only when Tony and Steve start squaring up to each other that you step in, a hand on each chest pushing both backwards until they’re at a safe distance. It doesn’t stop the biting remarks between them though, the insults hurled and points of weakness pressed. You see Steve’s mouth in a hard, thin line and Tony’s contorted into a cruel smirk.

“Stop it,” you say firmly between them, “Just stop it the both of you.”

But then Banner is holding the scepter and you’re holding your gun and there’s an explosion and the floor is gone from under your feet and you’re down in a lower section of the ship, looking upwards at the room you had just been in.

“Y/N?” Steve’s voice echoes into the chamber even though your vision is just blurry enough that you can’t see him. You look to your left and see Banner, all bundled up and clutching the floor.

“Go!” you shout back up at him, seeing the figure looking through at you hesitate before moving away, then you lower your voice to a soothing volume, “We’re good, Bruce, we’re good.”

You sit up with a small groan and finally manoeuvre yourself to be able to see Banner’s face. You balk. He’s struggling with something, something you don’t want to name, his eyes wild and face showing just the beginning signs of changing. There’s a couple of Agents running towards you, to check on you, and you wonder if Steve has insisted on that, but you quickly wave them away as Banner only writhes further.

“Come on, Bruce, we’re okay. This is just what the bastard wants. Don’t let him win, don’t give in to it,” you know that you’re pleading but you can’t help it, especially when Bruce lifts his head suddenly and the look he gives you is completely alien to the man you’ve known over the past few hours.

“Give in to it?” he asks, but its cruel and its ugly and its threatening. You press your lips together, moving slowly as you try to stand, but another explosion sends you off your feet again and takes out the lights this time too.

There’s something heavy pinning your right leg and you struggle to get it free, trying to keep your movements as measured as possible as your eyes dart around, trying to adjust to the new low lighting. You can hear his thundering footsteps as he stumbles around and you know right then that its happened. That Bruce has gone. A few blinks later and the metal having fallen onto the floor with a clang, you can make it out, the huge shape just a few feet away, shoulders rising and falling with laboured breaths. You take a couple of tentative steps away from him, from that thing, but his head turns to the side and you freeze.

“Please,” you whisper, mostly to yourself, but he turns fully and you’ve turned away before you can comprehend it, taking the stairs two and a time and running through the maze of pipes in the upper level of the room, ducking and weaving as best you can, banging your elbows every few seconds and only being carried forward by a fear-induced adrenaline coursing through your veins.

He’s ripping floor right from your feet, forcing to you to jump and swing, but you see an opening and jump down from the catwalk, pulling your gun from your waist, readying it and trying to steady your breathing and the slight shake in your hands. You look upwards, checking for any signs of him, but there’s nothing.

You’re just turning to find a way to the others when there’s a footstep. You turn. His face is right there, roaring at you and then he’s ripping away the pipes in between you and you’re running again, through a series of some kind of electrics, you can’t stop to think about it, but there are sparks that you have to shield yourself from as you run. As you reach the end of whatever server room you were running through, you feel the footsteps closer and though you strive to run faster, there’s a solid force on your side and you’re knocked sideways, bashing into a stack of crates and crumpling to the floor.

You sit up with difficulty, wincing as you clutch your side and look up at him, your eyes wide, your chest heaving. He’s walking towards you, mouth half open and you brace yourself, unable to look away, until there’s an almighty crash through the wall as Thor flies in and tackles him into the next room. Suddenly ‘The Hulk’ has gone. You’re alone.

You take a couple of shaky breaths, eyes still fixed on the spot they had been previously, willing the tears that were biting at the back of eyes to go the hell away, back to where they came from, not to rear their ugly head. You didn’t need to cry. You didn’t want to cry.

With a wipe of your face, you stand up and rush off in the direction of the stairs to return to the upper levels and help the others, knowing there’s nothing you can do to help Thor now.

---

Barton is here somewhere apparently, leading the attack against you. He’s an agent you happen to have met a couple of times and worked with once and it baffles you that someone could have their mind so warped by a mere object.

It’s a thought you end up preoccupied with even as you aid the Director in defending the helicarrier’s bridge. There are men coming left, right and center and you take them out one by one, a combination of precise gunshots and a couple of throwing knives to the chest. If you had it your way, it would only be the knives, but apparently using a gun was more ‘cost efficient’.

At least that was what Director Dick Fury had told you. That name, however childish, made you feel a little better.

“Why are these guys still trying to get in here?” he shouts across at you and you ignore him, dodging a swing from an oncoming attacker and shooting him in the back, kicking the back of his knee and watching him crumple to the ground. You saw the arrow fly past and onto the control panel before you saw who shot it.

But you knew who shot it.

Nick gets Natasha to follow up on that one, chasing after Barton with purpose, as you rush over to assess the damage. It’s clearly hacking the systems but what the endgame is, you don’t know y-

The other engine on the same side as the one you’d just lost cuts out too and there’s a lurch as you lose all thrust on one side.

“Fuck,” you mutter, typing in a few override codes but only receiving more error messages in return.

“Y/N,” Nick tried to get your attention but you were locked on the monitor, “Y/N!”

You turn then and he shows you his monitor, your heart sinking right through your stomach, through the bottom of the helicarrier and freefalling in the sky below. Because the hatch had been opened.

“Phil’s there,” you murmur with a look to Fury that would have looked a lot like terror even though the emotion looked foreign in your features.

Maria gestures for the two of you to go and you waste no time, running through the door and to the prison area in record time, boots pounding against metal grate flooring and hearts pounding in your chests.

The sight that greeted you in the detention section had you gasping and not just for breath. Fury reached the door and stopped, resignedly, almost like he froze in the doorway. You, on the other hand, were by Coulson’s side in seconds, his hand in yours, other hand holding his head up as best you could.

“No, no, no, no,” you mumbled, words more and more angry, eyes frantic as you flit from all the bleeding to his face. He was smiling. The man was infuriating and it brought tears to your eyes.

Nick is calling for backup, for a medical team in the background.

“Y/N, I’m clocked out here,” Coulson says, because he knows and because you know too, even if it’s the last thing you’d ever admit to anyone. You clutch his hand tighter.

“You are not,” you say firmly, despite the wobble that tells him all he needs to know, “You are staying. Who else is gonna look after me, eh? Who else will fight my corner no matter what?”

“You have...Steve now. You don’t need a mentor. You-you are a...mentor.”

He can hardly get his words out.

“Phil-” your voice cracks now, large and noticeable as you choke on a sob, “-please.”

“This was never going to work…if you didn’t have something...to…”

He looks away from you and you can hardly bear it as he stutters a breath and then stops. No more stuttering. No more breathing. His face limp in the palm of your hand and his grip on you loosened.

“No, Phil, come back,” you say frantically, using both hands to prop his head up now, shaking it only slightly as you rest your forehead against his shoulder. The tears come fast and thick. Unchained, “Come back, please!”

Eventually, Fury has to pry you from his body and guide you away from the scene with physical force.

---

The table is surrounded by people and yet the room feels empty. Cold. Your wrap your arms a little tighter around your still-shaking frame.

Steve is looking at you, you can feel his eyes but you don’t meet them, knowing one look will send you sobbing into his arms. He’s holding the bloody trading cards, refusing to let them go and it’s a testament to Phil Coulson himself that such a short meeting with these people could have had such profound impact. With years of his guidance, the impact on you was immeasurably more significant.

Nick is talking, has been for a while, but it’s not as if you can be bothered to listen.

When Tony stands and walks off a little way, the room falls silent. You speak, even though you don’t know what you’re saying, what you’re going to say.

“I don’t give a shit,” it’s blunt and it’s raw and you’re not meeting anyone’s eye, “I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about you trying to use Phil to inspire us. Phil Coulson was a good man. More than anything, a good man and a good friend. Stop spouting bullshit to get us to-“

You trail off, partly because you don’t know where you’re going anyway and partly because you don’t have the heart right now. Steve scoots his chair closer to yours and puts an arm around you, tugging you into his side without question and letting you curl up into him. His warmth is comforting and his smell is heavenly.

Fury leaves, as does Tony and Natasha and Clint, one by one, without a word. Thor’s gone, dropped out of the sky and Bruce is gone too, although he jumped. You can’t help but be relieved about that one.

“He looked after me, Steve,” you say once it’s been quiet for a little too long, “When I had no one else, I always had Phil. In my corner.”

“I know, doll,” he says, an attempt to be comforting that might work given time, “I know. He was a good man.”

You nod and let Steve hold you through the fresh wave of tears that overcome you.

What could be minutes, hours or days later, you calm yourself down and breathe properly again, wiping your tears and making a feeble attempt to clear the small wet patch on Steve’s dirty suit. He waves you away.

“We have to stop him, Steve,” you croak out the words but the fire behind them remains. Steve pulls away from you then, making sure to look you in the eye as he replies:

“We’re going to stop him, Y/N. As a team. Together.”

A surge of warmth floods your bones and you lean in and kiss his cheek, an unstoppable reaction, one that arose from fear of loss and that which was best left unspoken. You linger, of course, what else was there to do, and when your lips leave his cheek his hand comes up, involuntarily of his brain and cups your face, keeps you close.

A glance upwards. His eyes are closed. You’re so close and yet, you realise, so close could never be close enough.

It’s tender as your lips meet, tentative and sweet. In a way, it’s tame, not the desperate crush of tongues and teeth you’d expected. Each time you’d dreamt of this moment, it was slightly different, but the most common interpretation was a heated argument, eyes flaring and words cutting, ending in heaving chests as you watched each other warily. But then Steve would take a few steps and pin you to a wall behind you and he’d be kissing you, dominating you, you a willing participant, lips parted and needy sighs escaping you. Then his hands would find the backs of your thighs, lift you up into his arms with such ease it made your-

It wasn't important.

This was so much better than the steamy hook up you’d pictured. This meant something. Meant something real, something tangible. Neither of you taking too much, taking it further. Just his hand sliding into your hair and yours resting uselessly against his chest. Loving.

He pulls away first. He can’t bear anymore without moving things on, without deepening the kiss and lifting you onto the table in this room. That’s not how he wants this to happen, however much he really, really wants this to happen.

“We should go,” he says, utterly and wonderfully breathless. There’s the faintest sheen of lipgloss on his upper lip and you can’t help but use your thumb to wipe it away and certainly can’t help the tiny gasp when he kisses the pad of it, “Go help.”

You gulp. Sit back. Away.

“Yeah,” you say, nodding and now standing up, anything to quell your heart and remove that unbearable warmth that’s taken over you, “We should.”

He starts to walk away, and you begin to follow, even though your legs are trembling and you feel overwhelmingly lightheaded. Your timing couldn’t have been worse. That didn’t really matter though. If you and Steve needed to wait for a good time, then you might have to wait forever.

You’re thinking about this when he stops and turns back to you and you’re so preoccupied that you gently bump into his chest. You blink as you step back and see his slight smirk as he tries not to laugh at you. You press your lips together.

“Sorry,” you mumble and he shakes his head, the smirk he’d been trying to keep a lid on morphing into a full blown grin.

“Don’t be,” he says, still grinning. It’s infectious, “I just want to check that...that we’re not going to pretend that this never happened when we leave this room.”

“Steve-“

“Cause if that’s the case then I’m not leaving,” he cuts you off, folding his arms and staring you down, the grin slipping into a serious gaze that you just want to shake right out of him.

You can’t help yourself. You lean up on your tiptoes, your hand sliding around the side of the neck to hold the back of his head as you kiss him again, tears welling in your eyes. You were far too fragile for all of this right now. You only kiss him for a few seconds, just enough to make your point. There wasn’t time for anything beyond that, and regardless this wasn’t the place. You pull away, but leave your hand there and relish the feeling of one of his at your waist.

“If you think-” you pause as you choke on your words and his face softens as his grip becomes tighter. It’s enough for you to swallow the lump in your throat and kiss him again, fleeting, before pulling away with a small smile, “If you fucking think that I could pretend anything when it comes to you then you do not know me as well as I thought you did, Spangles.”

He’s gazing down at you then, his expression a mixture of what looks like awe and fascination and… something else. Something you probably can place, you know him as well as he knows you after all, but something you probably weren’t going to place right now. Again, the timing was all off.

So when he opens his mouth to say something, you cut him off before he can.

“Now we really need to go.”

He closes his mouth. Whatever he was going to say, and you knew what, would wait. Had to wait. He still smiles at you, though, and you realise that’s something you never want to change.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america x reader #captain america #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers oneshot #captain america imagine #captain america oneshot #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction #teaming up #univer5e

[redledger]

a hello from an old friend with @epiitaphs​

NAT

Her whole body ached. And not the kind of ache where a long soak in the bath and more than enough vodka could fix. No, this was the kind of sore that would be harder to walk off, before she even opened her eyes, Nat groaned, biting down hard to keep from crying out a she shuffled.

She opened one eye, trying to adjust to the room but a little lost if she was honest. Yes, she had a habit of not waking up in the same places but this felt... different. She could have sworn she was doing something...

Her dreams had been full of chasing. Chasing someone with her face. That was it, the imposter. Someone who wore her like a glove to pick off old friends one by one, this fake Natasha with her perfect smile... maybe that was who had her here.

It was then that she shadow caught her eye, snapping her out of pain and to attention. Her thought went immediately to her wrist, but her usual tricks were missing. She actually had fresh clothes on, dry ones. So her captor was considerate. She could feel at least one set of stitches too.

But that meant no hidden knives, no gun bar the one on the table. On the table between them. She lunged forwards, biting down on her lip so she didn’t scream as she launched herself at it. And at the shadow himself.

BUCKY

He probably shouldn't have intervened. His head still hurt sometimes when he watched, but if he had not stepped in, she would have died. And what Bucky (James?) knew was that he did not want her to die when he could help it. 

And though he did not want her to die, he also did not want to die. So when he put her into new clothes, he removed her weapons - painstakingly, but with enough muscle memory that perhaps the many flashes in his mind had been correct. The past was filtering in slowly, but sometimes he didn't know what to trust. 

He could tell when she regained consciousness, though training kept her reactions minimal. Good. She knew how to push past the pain of her wound when faced with a situation like this one. He could leave now - slip out like the shadow he was. They did not have to meet like this. He could go. 

But he didn't have much time to consider, as she lunged forwards, either at him or at the gun. It didn't really matter which. Until she knew who he was, there would be no stopping her. He countered her, trying to keep her from making it to the gun. She was injured, but that did not mean she was entirely weak - well, until he used her would against her. "Natalia." No. "Natasha." He didn't know if she would recognize his voice, if they had taken things from her as well. "Is this how you greet an old friend?"

NAT

She let out a low, furious grunt as he touched her. The pain shot through her body all over again, and she bit down harder to channel it. He held her back from the weapon, even as she was shaky in her feet. She lunged again, their movements in step. She didn’t need the voice to recognise him, it was muscle memory from a dance they had spent years perfecting. 

”You.” She paused, just enough to glare at him with suspicion. They had done this dance so many times, although the memories in her head swam in fog. Last time they had locked eyes, she didn’t even register. He’s tried to kill her at least twice already, but this time he used her name. Her real name too. 

”Are you a friend now?” How could she trust him? How could she believe him? She had done the hard works of building bridges back to her past, but there were gaps. Some of what filtered in last was sleeping next to someone who looked like him. Painful meme had a way of lingering, not the happy ones. And she had been happy when he was around, that much was clear.

”Maybe you want me defenceless for an easy kill.” Yet if he wanted her dead she wouldn’t be breathing. She knew his directive well enough to know that.

BUCKY

She would not stop until she had to. He knew this. If she had to tear herself to shreds in order to kill him, she’d do it. Injury did not necessarily make her weak against a regular opponent - against him, it did. And even though some days, Bucky could barely remember any name he’d been called, his muscles remembered the way to move with and against her. He couldn’t let that set him off balance. 

Did she remember? What name would she call him? What did she know? It could be that they had taken everything from her. The Americans - maybe they were all the same. Steve wouldn’t - but there were secrets on many levels and HYDRA was SHIELD. The pause told him something was there, but it could mean anything. 

It was a reasonable question. Friendship only meant something to real people, not to what either of them had been made into. ”Now, yes. To you, not to the ones pulling strings.” He was very aware he was taking a risk - she could turn him in, send him back. He’d kill her before she tried. He couldn’t go back. He couldn’t go back to dull eyes and thoughts that screamed from the back of his mind. 

”What have they taken from you?” She should know this. ”An easy kill would be you bleeding out on the ground. A child knows this.” Leave no trace, no witnesses. He was supposed to be a ghost. No longer, though.

NAT

In some versions it was dancing, his arms around her as she span to the pas de deux of Sleeping Beauty. It drifted in sometimes, the notes and the smiles corrupted. One second his touch was gentle, his lines perfectly extended next to hers and in the next it was different. The memory seeping through the cracks, bruises from the grip of his metal hand leaving marks all over her skin as they fought. That was what the file had said. The half corrupted madness, that she believed she was trained for the Bolshoi and not as a living weapon.

She could fake tears. He might be broken enough to believe them. But she was far too proud. She blocked him, grunting harder. ”Prove it. If you were a friend you’d trust me.”

She took a step back, guard up, shaky on her feet but ready to go another round if he was going to keep this up. ”From me? What have they taken from you, James?” He was the ghost after all. Haunting the living like that would make some kind of amends. ”You almost killed me before, guess you’re not as good as they believed.”

BUCKY

She would tire eventually, but probably not before hurting herself. He would do the same in her place. He considered doing it for her, but she spoke again. "I trust a weapon to kill." He did not know what had led to the moments that he remembered, but she was trying to kill him now. "Not much more. We lived together. Before."

He fell into stance with ease, but did not move to attack her. Everything was the answer. "The past." Their past. It was filtering back in the more he tried, but the good moments were cut with memories of pain and desperation. 

Almost killed - red hair, blood spreading. Target confirmed dead. Confirmed kill with one witness bleeding out. Guess she hadn't died - he'd thought that the moment he'd realized she was who he thought she was. "They were quick to correct that." He had been taught to ignore pain except when it came to correction of errors and malfunctions. "I did not come here to kill you." He would not have wasted supplies like that.

NAT

There was one thing to be said for trial by pain. Natasha knew just how much her body could bare. More than the average person, with the enhanced blood in her veins. No doubt that fall would have killed someone else. No doubt his bullet would too. She had nine lives, it seemed. "I could say the same for you." She smiled, a thin trail of blood falling down her chin where she had bit down too deep. 

The redhead moved again, every hit blocked or countered. They were at a stalemate, because she would rather fight than go quietly. He stood back tough, although he could overpower her in theory. She had seen the wreckage he could leave. And the bodies.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" She did. She knew what a liar looked like. And he wasn't capable of it. "How do I know you're not Hydra's little pet? Someone did. You've got to join the queue from the looks of it."

BUCKY

"That would be smart." He could have tried to argue that he wasn't that anymore, but really, he wasn't far enough away from his time with HYDRA to be sure of it. He might not want to be their weapon anymore, but the knowledge in his brain wasn't going anywhere. 

He should end the fight, but he did not, continuing to block her attacks and try to push her back away from the table with the gun on it. Hydra's little pet slithered into his mind, making itself a nest. To be considered later, the name clearly familiar to him in some way. "I ran from them." She had nothing but his word - something that he hadn't been able to use in a very long time. 

"You were bleeding out. I did not allow that to happen. It should be clear that I am not here to kill you the way she was." She didn't need to know the way he'd tracked her down, the time he'd spent watching. "I have a name now. And thoughts."

NAT

He pushed her back. Again and again, it was making her blood boil. ”Or you ran to them.” This could be Hydra now. They could have the technology to make her look guilty, it wouldn’t be a surprise. They could be playing some kind of bigger game, now she wasn’t under the protection of SHIELD she could be seen as an easy target. The fact Bucky was able to make conversation didn’t change her suspicions at all.

”A name?” She laughed, wiping at her chin with her wrist and setting up for yet another round. ”You had a name when I knew you. And you still shot me bucky.”

She had never called him that. Natasha knew him as more than the asset, but not the past he had wiped from him entirely. They said he was a defector from the west, and gave no details as to how much he had endured. It was only on a roadside that she had seen the recognition in Steve’s face. That was betrayal. Something he was so clearly an expert in.

Natasha launched herself forwards, but this time it was to go low. Her palm planted on the floor, her legs moving high to wrap around his head in an attempt to pull him to the floor. He was too heavy with the metal arm, she remembered that much. Get him flat on his back and she would have speed on her side.

BUCKY

"I did not."He had fought against the pull to go back, and it had nearly been a losing battle. But something had been knocked loose that day. "The Asset was unstable in DC. To be used until malfunctions overran usefulness and then decommissioned." As far as he knew, at least. After a wipe, everything was fuzzy, but he was fairly sure he'd heard that. 

He flinched - as much as he ever flinched, which was to say he narrowed his eyes for a half second - at the sound of the name. "James." He didn't think he could deny shooting her. "It is what we do to survive." Surely she understood. 

She moved again, changing tactics, going low to start and flipping up to catch his neck between her legs. She'd moved fast enough that he couldn't prevent that, but he could control his fall - he knew that much at least. And though he'd done all this with the intention of keeping her safe, the only way he was going to be able to stop her was going to be what he did - pushing them both down, being sure to hit her injured side in addition to attempting to trap her under him.

NAT

She was done talking. Any excuses he had weren’t proof, they could all be more lies. He was lucid enough to be making conversation, or parroting off lines he was given. Natasha would never know for sure.

His flinch she could read though. His nickname had done something. Was he correcting her again? Did he remember she had never once called him that? Or was the asset trying to stay away from a past he didn’t want to remember?

She caught his head behind her knee, pulling him down with the weight of her body and using his own strength against him. But it was brief. She closed her mouth and ground her teeth together to bite back the worst of the scream yet he knew exactly where to hit. Before she could wriggle free, she had the full impact of the Winter Soldier on fresh stitches and almost certainly cracked ribs- if not worse. 

Beneath him it was hard to move, and yet Nat kept clawing. First she pushed her fingers into the join between his metal arm and his flesh, the spot where the soft tissue never really sat right. Then her knee moved beneath him, straight up and into his groin where it would do some damage.

BUCKY

If they hadn't been locked in a struggle for a weapon that she might very well use to kill him, he would have been proud of just how quiet she was when he connected with her wound. She still made some noise, but nothing to suggest how bad the pain might be. It wasn't good to be breaking stitches he had just given her, but if he knew anything, it was that he wanted to stay alive. And trapping her the best he could would keep him that way. 

She didn't stop, which was to be expected. She knew him, then. How much either of them could remember was up for debate, but she knew where the join between flesh and metal was and just how to use it. He snarled, wordlessly, thrashing even as he knew that she would tear into the scar tissue due to his movements. That was alright. He slammed his flesh arm into her, hitting whatever he could connect to. There was no mask to prevent him from speaking, but he fell into habits easily when fighting. And out of everything they had given him, that was hardly the worst habit. 

Her knee - bony and sharp - jammed into his groin. As much as they had worked with him on ignoring pain, there was a certain directness and force that even he could not help but react to in a very human way. He flailed, but couldn't aim the blows in any way that mattered, the movements more of a reaction to her blow than anything else.

NAT

She was dazed for a second, her head fuzzy with the impact of the blow from his arm. Even the human one had a strength she couldn’t compete with. It was short though, as he folded on top of her to allow her to wriggle free. 

Free enough to close her hands around the gun.

Even as she felt the pull at her ankle to drag her back, it didn’t matter. She span, sights trained on him and finger on the trigger.

“Don’t. Move.”

BUCKY

He could feel her move beneath him, getting free from his weight as she did. He was regaining function by the second, but he wasn’t fast enough in doing so to prevent her grabbing the gun. 

What he was fast enough to do was to roll and wrap his fingers around her ankle, pulling her back roughly. 

She went, but she had the gun already. Bucky stared, eyes focused on her face. 

He stilled, watching warily, waiting for an opening for now.

NAT

Both of them, still and deadly. Coiled to attack at any moment should there be a sign of weakness. Sometimes the old methods really were the best, if their handlers could see them now they would surely be impressed. 

Natasha’s white t shirt was starting to show a dark red stain where the fresh stitches had taken a hit, and yet she was unflinching. He had responded to her orders even though they were in English. It was hard to read whether that was good or bad. 

At least now she had the power though, despite the pain. She could go for a head shot any second. With her finger on the trigger still, her green eyes glared at him. ”Who are you? What exactly do you remember?”

BUCKY

Blood stained her shirt from the wound he had reopened. Potentially from other sources, but definitely from that. He should have left before she woke up. He’d done more harm than good this way. That wasn’t supposed to be what he did to people he remembered. 

”James Buchanan Barnes. Born 1917. Assumed dead 1945. The Asset, designation Winter Soldier. Escaped.” He could have simply not answered. If nothing else, she’s a hostile party and he should not speak to her. But he knew her. And recognized her. And brought her here to save.

”Natalia Alianovna Romanova. The Red Room. Training. You were shot. I remember him - from the bridge and from before. I knew him. We’re both from before there was a war. You were later. You are one of their dogs too. Not anymore, though. Which is why you need stitches. Again. I did them.”

NAT

No movement save for breathing. Nothing that could give him and reason to see an opening. ”You could  have that from the leaked files, it proves nothing.”

His grip was still tight on her leg. ”Tell me something James would know.”

BUCKY

Files that he should access more fully at some point. He’s not sure how his mind will take reading it all, if that will make the memories come back better or faster or more complete. ”My existence is those files.” Both he and the world had no other way of knowing unless it was through those files. 

He didn’t know what James would know. It was all mixed up, a confusing cloud of memories and fear. “How do you know what James would know? You did not know James.” He frowned, giving it an attempt. ”He - I followed him into every alley, dragged him away from fights. He complained.”

NAT

It was amazing really. She knew he was capable of cruelty and death, but he shattered her heart without even knowing it. Not that it read on her face at all. Still body, regular breathing, no hint of the pain both physical and mental she was sitting through.

He was talking about Bucky. The kid Steve had mentioned, the one from the exhibit that detailed the whole sad story all over its walls. She didn’t even register. ”Steve. You followed Steve.”

It wasn’t so much a correction as an affirmation. Maybe he was right, that whatever confusing happy memories she had scraped back were just fake. ”Then why haven’t you followed him now?”

BUCKY

He couldn’t show weakness. The name had alternatively brought flashbacks, shook loose memories, filled him with horror, brought back the mission. He couldn’t say it. Hearing it made his brain hurt, poised to do something in its usual store of awfulness. Not now. He couldn’t afford to lose focus. 

The numbness of the empty space still half occupied by programming was welcome. “Yes. And he followed me to Europe.” He was big and not supposed to be there. 

”Too much risk.” He could not expose his weaknesses or his hesitations to her when she was pointing a gun at him. ”It is not time. It is my choice.” said fiercely as if he thought she might drag him to the man.

NAT

They were stuck at a stalemate. As she ignored the strain growing larger still to focus on what he was saying. It was a good thing she excelled under pressure. There was a flicker of something, just behind his eyes but it was too brief for her to get a read on. 

She didn’t trust him. He’d given no proof to her but he was also not as much of a threat whilst she had the weapon. His tone shifted though, some kind of genuine fear. ”You are going to let go of me and I’m going to keep hold of the gun. You want me to trust you? Then take your hands off me.”

BUCKY

An order. Or at least enough of one. So perhaps she was not as different as she portrayed herself. She had been ready to kill him before, he was sure. He withdrew his hand from around her ankle, moving into a crouch, all while his attention never left her face and hands. 

He wasn't sure if he wanted her to trust him. Trust was a big step to take, and he barely trusted himself, even though his days were generally better than they had been at first. "Trust is dangerous." Surely she had not forgotten that. They would not have taken that from her.

NAT

”Is that a threat?” She lowered the weapon but didn’t let go. Didn’t even take her finger off the trigger yet. She pressed her right hand to her side, trying her best to mask the wince that came with applying pressure. ”You’ve done a bit of a crappy job.”

BUCKY

He frowned. "No. A reminder." Despite the question, she lowered the weapon, which only served to confuse Bucky further. Sure, she was still ready to strike, but - ah. The wound was becoming unmanageable. "You attacked. I can fix it." He didn't know if she'd let him, but it would be in her best interest. Her other option was staying there till the blood loss affected her concentration, leaving her open to attack. He didn't want or need to attack her, but it'd affect the balance in the room.

NAT

A frown. Real human expressions. She had seen it before though, a smile when she landed in his arms from the perfect arabesque. No, not that wasn’t right... the smile had been from catching her but...

Nat blinked twice, pushing herself backwards and putting some more space between them till she hit the coffee table. ”You knew my name. You remember the room... is that it?”

Her hand was still pressed tight to the wound. Her options were limited. From their isolated spot she wasn’t going to make it far however she tried to run. Maybe letting him stitch her back up was smart, as long as she could keep the gun in her hand. He’d have a needle though.

”Why you? Why did you save me? How did you know where I was?”

BUCKY

An expression crossed her face, one that he couldn't quite interpret. Whatever was happening in her head made her step back till she hit the table. Bucky remained crouched. It was smart to keep distance between them, though it gave him a minute boost in time he'd have to react should she shoot. 

"Yes, I did." That was from memory, he thought. Other things came from his recent surveillance of her. The question was unclear to him. He would try to answer correctly, accepting that she might shoot him if he did so improperly. "I remember some things. Not others. I don't remember all of the room, just like the rest. But I remember some."

He didn't know why the memories varied so wildly. He couldn't find a proper pattern just by himself. There had been flashes of a smaller Steve, flashes of a larger Steve, her, others. Sometimes memories came back because of something that happened around him. 

"Someone had to watch you. How much do they take care of you?" Clearly more help was needed, if he'd had to step him. They'd probably be looking for her, though. At some point. "I have watched you. They're sloppy sometimes." And he was one of the best, too.

NAT

The question was stuck on the tip of her tongue but there was no way to ask it without giving him information. Something that could be weaponised against her if necessary . She moved her hand to inspect the damage, and quickly thought better of it. She was out of options. ”Have you got a kit?” She needed his help. Natasha just didn’t know how to ask. They had trained that out of her, assets should be self sufficient or die.

”How long have you been watching me? Since DC?” Maybe he knew, all the dirty secrets she hid in the off the books work she was stuck with now. ”They’re sloppy? Hydra or the Red Room?”

BUCKY

"Yes." There should be enough left in his small kit to redo the stitches. He had his own supplies, but he would have to leave to find them and he knew that she would be gone if he tried. He would have run too, if that was the case.

"No. Not since then." He had needed time to figure out what really living in the world with people was like. Time to fight against conditioning he hadn't known existed. Time to establish himself as something that took up space, even if he'd be hesitant to call himself a full person. "Several months." Once he'd gotten himself together. "Yes, they are. Hydra is falling apart quietly. They are trying to regroup, but it is chaos right now. Shield is burning with them. You know that. The Red Room...is difficult." To say the least. They were able to operate more smoothly than Hydra, which made them harder to deal with.

NAT

”You can move then.” It wasn’t an order. Not quite. He had offered to fix them after all but he better not hang around. 

”Months?” She had more than one tail she hadn’t noticed for this long? She was getting sloppy really. She had relied on the comfort and protection of shield for too long, she forgot to keep all eyes on her own back. Nat was going to have to get better, fast, in order to keep up.

She couldn’t help but give a pained laugh at the idea of shield burning though. He was right, and Natahsa had been the one to light the blaze. ”Cut off one head and it spends too long chasing its tail I guess.”

BUCKY

He stood when allowed to, pausing a moment once he was upright. She still had the gun and he had a feeling that it might be pressed to his head as he stitched her up. It would be the smart thing to do. "I will get it out of my pocket. No weapons. Just supplies." It was a bit of a lie - anything he possessed could be a weapon, but it was the principle of the thing. With the warning stated, he reached carefully into a deep pocket to pull out a small kit. 

"Yes. You were not looking for me." Not intentionally, at least. And he'd kept as far back as conditions permitted. "Not all the time, though. It was not constant surveillance." That might not make it better, that he could find her again after leaving her alone. 

A considering silence. "Something like that, yes. They built too quickly. Unsustainable. Should not have tried to leave covert operations." The Red Room would never have made that mistake. "Are you willing to let me fix your stitches?" Really, he was asking for permission to approach.

NAT

Nat just nodded. She was out of options, and the pain was constant as much as she swallowed down. The full ache in her head and the back of her neck told her the fall might have done worse still. She would inspect the damage when she felt safe. 

She nodded again, to tell him it was alright to move closer but kept her wary green eyes fixed on him. ”How long was I out for? Did you see who I was fighting...”

BUCKY

He moved slowly, not wanting to get shot. He knew that one at least. Avoid pain where possible when in a dangerous situation. Avoid death, even. If she was smart, she would shoot to kill. He reached out gently for her side, to survey the damage before trying to fix it. 

"Not enough for identification. She had your hair." That was the easier question. "Sitting will reduce your chance of falling." Never a direct order, but she should sit. "You were unconscious for approximately ten minutes due to your fall." Snow and pain flashed in his mind. "After that, you were unconscious due to pain for approximately an hour. Your attacker is gone."

NAT

She nodded again, her hair wavy where it was still a little damn from her landing. Water... had he pulled her from water or had she swam? This is where it all for blurry. 

”She looked like me.”Natasha muttered it under her breath, more to herself than him as she sat. She was still so wary, clenching her jaw she she had no reaction to his touch. Even his cold metal fingers on her skin. ”How long did it take you to get me here? You must have worked fast.”

BUCKY

Another nod. Not as good as verbal confirmation, but he was not a handler. Would not snap at her to use her voice. 

”I thought it was a malfunction.” Seeing things was always one of the worst parts of what his brain visited upon him. He tested some of the stitches below those that had popped. He might be able to manage to not have to pull out every single one. He started to get rid of the damaged portions as he spoke. ”Approximately half an hour. I ran. And had a vehicle.” A nod. ”Not fast enough.” Since she’d caught him, after all.

#JUST ASSUME THEY'RE TALKING RUSSIAN #cba to do all the italics #epiitaphs #thread | epiitaphs (reunion) #v: the dark room

[dynamicduoofstackie]

When people feel like Sam shouldn't have been made Captain America, 'cause poor prisoner of war, he knew Steve longer, end of the line, got that good hair, just got jilted by Steve, hot as hell, thicker than a Snicker Bucky...

But I'm like, bitch this ain't about you and your crush on Sebastian Stan and Bucky Barnes.

Steve did not betray Bucky. Instead of living the rest of his life in the alternate universe he created when he stayed with Peggy. He came back out of a sense of duty to pass the Shield on and because 'End of the Line'.

Steve also spent the Captain America movie franchise putting his life on the line to save Bucky over and over again. Y'all really think that blonde, lovable goofball with all his self-righteousness, I cant turn my back on any wrong-doing, wouldn't try to save past Bucky sooner? That he wouldn't tell Peggy, his wife who knew him before the glow up, that the S.H.E.I.L.D. agency she built with Howard Stark, was being corrupted from within by their biggest enemy, HYDRA? Ya'll really trippin'.

Whatever Steve did in the past wouldn't have effected the present Bucky's future. If what he did in the past did anything then just like Back in the Future the changes would have been obvious. Steve only crime was finally putting down that shield and getting himself a damn life.

As far as the shield goes, Steve did Bucky a favor. Steve blindly signed up to be experimented on and although he became a beefcake he became property of the USA. Hence, all the propaganda movies and tour performances to drum up business before he selfishly went rogue to save his best friend and proved what a weapon he really was.

Even after Steve sacrificed his life for his country and went under the water to save New York, as soon as they found his frozen body and defrosted him, they put him to work.

That man had no vacation time. Was doing SHIELD special ops work when he wasn't leading the Avengers or angrily punching at a gym bag. It wasn't until Captain America: The Winter Soldier, that Steve realized almost everything in his life was being controlled by S.H.E.I.L.D. from his apartment to his neighbors to the jobs he could take.

Steve couldn't even tell Sam what made him happy and this was before the S.H.E.I.L.D. betrayal. You really think Steve want Bucky to go from recovered brainwashed prisoner of war victim/weapon to being in charge of a bunch of strangers he hadn't really interacted with outside of a brawl to kill/lock him up?

Clearly, y'all too much in your feelings to realize last time we saw Bucky, before the Infinity War fighting, he looked so done in by the mere thought of fighting. You want him to fight for America just cause he's Steve's Day One? His best friend? Stop thrusting all this responsibility on this man and let Bucky live.

Sam Wilson, damn near interned under Captain America. Whatever Steve couldn't do, like spend time searching for Bucky, he gave to his Number 2. Sam is loyal as fuck to Steve and isn't such a follower he doesn't tell Steve when he is being full of himself. Sam might not know Steve from childhood, but was the first person to ask Steve what made him happy; offered him an excuse to visit him in the Veteran's Affair in hopes of Steve seeking help; offered Steve and Natasha a sanctuary while they were fugitives; actually offered him options to do something more than being a superhero; sat at his bedside whenever he was injured cause even super soldiers need someone to lean on; chased after Bucky when Steve couldn't; left his 9 to 5 job and civilian life because he knew supporting Steve was more important; teamed up with Bucky numerous times, despite Bucky nearly killing him several times when he was brainwashed; etc.

But nope a brother ain't qualified to be Captain America cause he isn't souped up with super soldier serum; didn't know Steve as long; isn't hot enough, white enough, loyal enough or whatever excuse you want to use.

Sam Wilson is one of the few senior members of the Avenger team at the end of Endgame. If you go for seniority bases it would be Rhodey, Sam and Hulk cause Hawkeye is going back to family and Thor is riding with the Guardians of the Galaxy.

If you want to go who is more qualified and strength. Sam went from happy, retired veteran to bad ass with wings and a gun. He fought Hydra agents with a knife and they had guns. He held his own with super soldiers, gods, armored tech geniuses, etc. He also, actually a member of the Avengers and the only one who actively repaired relationships in Infinity War.

Poor Bucky only interacted positively with T’challa, Steve, Princess Shuri and Sam. I'm pretty sure you don't make a complete stranger that the team ended with infighting over, the leader.

Sure Bucky is no longer controlled by HYDRA, but do you honestly think someone like Nick Fury, General Ross, or other world leaders will trust Bucky?! Especially when they find out what brainwashed Bucky has done?

Steve was smart. He gave the shield to a man that will uphold justice as he would. That knows the team. That purposely decided to join the superhero fight on his own, not just cause Steve asked. That won't just move on emotion and will help Bucky decide on how to settle in if he decides to become a superhero or not. When Sam said 'On your Left' he was letting Steve know no matter what he had Steve's back and will more than likely have Bucky's back if and when he decides to join the Avengers.

Steve got two best friends and he want both to be happy. If that means given one the shield cause he is more mentally stable and is already about that superhero life; while the other has a chance to decide for himself what makes him happy... well he only being a good friend. 

Another thing... Peggy Carter has known Steve before the glow up. You know she was charmed by pipsqueak Steve and him needing to fight even if it meant getting beat up in every alley. Y'all honestly shouldn't be surprised he went for his because Peggy is a strong, independent woman that challenged stereotypes, was not for the bullshit when Steve started getting fan girls, and didn't just mope when she thought Steve was dead.

Steve deserves a good ride or die. He deserves more than one friends or one chance at love. Sorry but not sorry Stucky fans. Steve was always going to want that dance with his best girl. The one who should feel slight are those Sharon x Steve fans. Just damn... original Carter always better.

No hate. Celebrate.

#sebastian stan #anthony mackie #bucky barnes #sam wilson #falcon #winter soldier #if steve rogers goes i need bucky to have sam's back #steve rogers #captain america #captain america: civil war #captain america: the winter soldier #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #avengers infinity war #stucky fans drive me crazy #steve and peggy #sambucky #bucky people going to hate me and i don't care #underrated superhero #stop overlooking sam wilson #sam wilson is a saint #sam wilson deserves to be captain america #no stucky love here #still love me some sambucky #still love me some samsteve #put some respect on his name

[witchymarvelspacecase]

Spread Your Wings: Pt. 11: What Happened in Russia

Summary: Reader is a HYDRA experiment (like the Maximoffs, but not voluntary) who grows wings (like Angel from X-Men). She escapes, and is now trying to rescue and prevent further kidnappings and experiments. 

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Nightmares, mentions of torture, mentions of needles, mentions of restraints (lots of bad shit)

A/N: Sorry this has been a long time coming. I have a plan for the rest of the story now (we’ll see how well I stick to it) so it should be more like a once a week posting schedule 🤞 

Spread Your Wings Masterlist

The snow crunched under your boots as you landed. You scowled at the small noise. “Damn snow. That would have been silent if it were dry,” you didn’t dare say anything out loud, but in your head, you were berating yourself for not thinking further ahead. HYDRA didn’t give a shit if the weather was crappy, you had a job to do, and if it got fucked up, it was on you.

You shook your head to clear it of the images of HYDRA’s past punishments; you couldn’t afford to be afraid of something that may not happen, not when a much more likely danger was ahead of you. Of all the ridiculous shit you’d been sent to find, of all the insane targets you’d been given, this was a different level.

Break into a palace. Not a big deal. Break into an old imperial Russian palace? One that had constant guards? Not to mention the constant tourist activity in the general area. Well, you wouldn’t be flying in the window, that was sure. 

Why anyone would think to store any sort of weaponry in what was basically a tourist attraction you didn’t truly understand, but then, HYDRA didn’t want you to. All you needed to do was to get in, and out, undetected, with their package. A package that was just described to you a metal briefcase. 

A somewhat odd size, and supposedly much heavier than it appeared. Brushed chrome all around with a blue shield logo on the front. You had no idea what the case held, but given that your handler seemed more harried than usual, you were left to assume that he was under pressure from someone. Whoever was in charge was practically salivating at the thought of whatever was in that case. It couldn't be good.

You tried not to think about all the possibilities. There was not a lot you could do to prevent HYDRA from obtaining whatever was in that case. Next to nothing really. All they had to do was flip a switch, activate the chip in your head, and you’d be toast. They’d use someone else. 

You’d been down that road before, many times. So many that HYDRA had begun wiping your mind. Realizing what they were doing, or what they intended to do, you guarded yourself. You created a different version of yourself, one that mimicked HYDRA’s Angel. You showed no emotion, no fear, and you followed orders, but behind the mask, your mind was working. 

This was the first mission you’d been sent on without your mind being wiped. Your mask must have been good enough to make your handler believe you were broken. This was the first time you were clear headed, could think for yourself. It would be your last too if you weren’t careful. 

Heading into the palace was difficult, but you managed to sneak between two guard shifts and into the foyer. You knew there were cameras, but with a quiet command to your chip, they were rendered inert; a non-issue. Physical guards spotting you was the only threat you were likely to face, and you were prepared for that eventuality as well. A pair of silenced handguns strapped to your thighs, throwing knives on your belt, and a dagger on your upper arm. 

That was the only thing that troubled you. If a guard spotted you, you had to put them down. It didn’t matter that they were just doing their job, it didn’t matter that they may or may not have a family. HYDRA would kill them. 

If you failed to take the case, HYDRA would find another way in, up to and including burning the whole structure to the ground. They didn’t care about people’s lives. If you hoped to save anyone, least of all yourself, you needed to be as stealthy as possible. 

“Wait. I-” Tony laughed through his nose, “I know you’re not describing what I think you’re describing.”

“I probably am,” you groaned, dropping your forehead to the table in front of you. 

Steve was looking at Tony, a look that could only be described as righteous indignation on his face. Oh they knew what was in that case alright. 

“You said it went ‘really badly’,” Natasha prompted, staying on target. “What did you mean?”

You looked up, meeting her eyes while resting your chin on the table. “I mean, I got the fucking case. I got it, and HYDRA had their fucking hands on it.”

“Couldn’t have been for long. SHEILD had it soon after,” Clint mused.

“They had it long enough,” you said, looking down again.

“What did they do with it?” Tony asked.

“Same shit they were trying to do before I imagine,” Steve ground out. HIs jaw was clenched so tightly you were surprised that his super-teeth didn’t crack.

“I am not sure. I think I disabled whatever it was, but like I said, I’m not sure what they were trying to do,” you took a deep breath. “For all I know, I made it worse.”

When you looked up again, everyone was staring at you. Clearly, you were not out of storytime. 

“After I escaped, I spent some time going over the information I’d stolen. It wasn’t much, but there were just enough links to the chain that I was able to quietly hack into the facility I’d been kept in. After that, I could find almost anything. I found the machine the cube was running, and I added some extra lines to the code.”

Tony was gaping at you, and Bruce looked green, you couldn’t tell if that was sick-green, or angry-green though. 

“Ok, no, I didn’t know what the lines would do, or if I hid them well enough, but I had to do something. That was all I could think of.”

Bucky, who was sitting next to you, gripped your shoulder gently; a show of support.

“Alright, but this doesn’t help us much now,” Natasha said.

“That’s not necessarily true,” Sam cut in. All eyes turned to him, and he shrugged. “Kid got into HYDRA with the files before, she can do it again right?”

Your eyes widened, and you felt like hitting yourself in the head.

“Ought to be easier now actually, since there are more files than she had originally,” Clint added with a smirk.

“What do ya think? You up to a little hacking?” Natasha asked, cocking her head, a smirk on her lips too.

You looked at her, a smile curling the edges of your lips as you said, “all I need is a secure terminal.”

…

Silly request really; Tony Stark did not have any unsecured terminals. Which found you on a computer in his lab, with the entire team standing around you, staring at the large computer screen in front of you. 

Occasionally, you would pause, like you were waiting for a signal or something, but then, with no visible change, you would begin to type rapidly. Your chip was capable of assisting you, sure, but you didn’t use it. No verbal commands were given, and though no one in the room could tell (aside from Wanda), you didn’t issue any telepathic commands either. You just knew the pattern. Or at least you had at one point. Hacking the HYDRA systems wasn’t just knowing the code, but also the timing. 

Enter a code too quickly, and you trip a system alert. Sometimes that would wipe the system, but sometimes, an alert would alter the files. You could be getting corrupted data without knowing it, and if you were relying on that data? That could be worse than losing the information in the first place.

So you counted in your head. There was a weird almost rhythm to the code sequences. No song you knew, or could remember, but it wasn’t completely random. As soon as you cleared the last levels of security, you set a timer. You had, at maximum, ten minutes before you would have to enter an authentication code. You didn’t have an authentication code, and you had no goddamn clue what it could be, so you had ten minutes.

“I’m not 100% sure they haven’t changed the codes around. These files aren’t new, and the ones I had before sure weren’t. Don’t believe everything in here.” You couldn’t be sure the files you accessed hadn’t been altered.

You scooted back from the computer, letting Tony and Natasha in to do their thing. The plan was to download as much information off of the server as possible, leave the reviewing until after the timer went off. You saw flashes of some of the files being downloaded. Video files. Audio files. Schematics. Tony clearly had great bandwidth; even the giant video files were downloading at lightning speeds.

“No telling what we’re gonna find in there,” Steve murmured. He was standing behind you, and just off to the side, in what you had come to recognize as his “captain” pose.

You shook your head. “No, could be anything, could be nothing at all.”

“What are the chances there’s information about Bucky in there?” he asked, not meeting your gaze.

“Considering it’s HYDRA? Probably gonna at least have some mentions of him,” you shrugged. “I know the agent code they gave him, so I can point out the files that involve him.”

Steve nodded, stepping forward and resting a hand on your shoulder. “Thank you,” he said quietly before walking forward to stand behind Tony. 

“That’s gonna mean a lot to him,” Sam said. He’d been standing in the doorway, watching his plan in action.

“I can only imagine. I know what it’s like to not know anything about yourself, but I don’t know what it feels like to have someone you care about go through what Bucky did.”

“There may be stuff about you in there too,” Sam added. You looked at him, a question on your face. “Doesn’t take a genius to realize you have some unresolved shit too. We’re gonna help you out as much as we can, you know that right?”

Smiling, you nodded. “I do now. Thanks Sam.”

“Anytime,” he said. To the rest of the room he said, “I’m going out. Anyone need anything?”

“Nah, I think we’re good,” Steve responded after glancing round the room and seeing no one reacting. “But could you find Bucky and Wanda? Some of this stuff may be important to them.” Bucky and Wanda had opted to stay out of the lab during the hacking. They didn’t  explain why, but you guessed they wanted to avoid most of the information that may have popped up. They probably wouldn’t come in unless absolutely necessary.

Sam waved over his shoulder as he stepped out of the lab. You, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Tony, and Steve were left hovering over the computer, hoping something, anything came out of the ten minutes you’d bought.

The timer ticked over, and Tony typed the exit sequence just in time. The last download you had been attempting was only half completed, but you would have to work with what had come through. 

“Alight boys and girls, time to read over what will likely be an incredibly dull series of files,” Tony cheered, clapping his hands and rubbing them together. You chuckled. He was probably right. HYDRA documented everything, most of the files you’d pulled were likely to be useless.

“Hey guys, listen to this. I’ve got some weird audio recording, but it’s under Y/N’s agent code,” Steve said before a tinny sounding audio recording began to play.

It was in an odd language. Not in russian or german as you were used to with HYDRA communications. As you were unused to it, you took a moment to realize what the person in the recording was saying. A moment too long.

“Ahoj anděli. Vidím, že jste nás znovu našli. Tentokrát si myslím, že zůstaneš déle, ano? Touha, Rozpadat, Osmnáct, Soumrak, Chladič, Devatenáct, Maligní, Odjezd, Nula, Motor.” 

(Hello, Angel. I see you've found us again. This time, I think you'll be staying longer, yes? Desire, Crumble, Eighteen, Twilight, Cooler, Nineteen, Malignant, Departure, Zero, Engine)

A pause, then the voice again, “Dokončete své poslání. Zabij mstitele.” (Complete your mission. Kill the Avengers).

“I think that’s Czech but I can’t be sure. Play it again,” Tony said.

“Guys,” Natasha’s voice was low, and she was backing towards the door as she got the men’s attention. “We’ve got a situation.

...

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#syw #Spread Your Wings #part 10 #bucky x mutant!reader #bucky barnes #avengers fic

[sunshineamalia]

Natasha Romanoff Aprreciation Post

Be warned, this post contains HUGE endgame spoilers

So I’ve noticed on my tumblr scrollings that Natasha isn’t getting quite the love she deserves/people are mad about her death and I’m here to give her all the love she deserves and bring peace for her death.

Natasha is BY FAR the character that grew the most throughout all the movies--some of it because of old standards of portraying women that can be seen in the earlier ones. Every movie she opened up just a little bit more and a little bit more--until in Endgame she accepts the Avengers as her FAMILY. Having a group to call family is something Natasha is completely new to, something that was taken away from her when she was stolen from her own and raised to be an assassin.

Iron Man 2:

Iron Man 2 is the first movie that we ever see Natasha in--and while I love the fact that we got to see a woman kicking butt like this, I feel like she was mostly there to be sexy for the men in the audience. Even if there were women (like me!!) who were excited to finally see a woman fighting like this, I still think the movie was representative of the old values in portraying women.

Avengers:

I think the Avengers is really the first time we start to get more of a sense for who Natasha really is. This is the first time we hear about her past and the red in her ledger, which Loki tells us about, and how Clint recruited her to SHIELD on a mission where he was sent to kill her. Then Loki asks if she loves him and her response is, “Of course not, love is for children, I owe him a debt.” 

While I was super excited to see a boss woman like this, I had just accepted the fact that any movie with a strong woman would make her feel close to no emotions and just be a rock--which couldn’t be more untrue. But in the context of her whole time in the MCU, I know that at this time she was scared. She doesn’t know what it’s like to love anyone and she’s scared that if she does or if she starts to trust anyone, they’ll just betray her. Natasha is powerful and strong and she is scared. Scared to love, scared to trust, and scared to feel. 

Captain America: The Winter Soldier:

The Winter Soldier was SUPER exciting for me! We got to see BA Natasha beating up bad-guys, but we also got to see Natasha joking around and teasing Steve. In this movie we start to see her open up just a little bit. She’s still untrusting and she’s still scared, but we get to see her personality opening a little more.

But at the end, she does something SO COOL. When she hacks into SHIELD’s database to expose them as hydra, she will also be exposing herself--to the people who call her a hero! As Pierce had been working for SHIELD for a long time, he knew Natasha. He knew what she had to hide and he knew she was terrified, so he used that against her, telling her that everyone would know. How does she respond? She looks him dead in the eyes and releases that information onto the internet. She faced her fears and released information to bring down a corrupt organization--at her own cost. 

She has red in her ledger and she’s trying to wipe it out.

Avengers: Age of Ultron:

Say what you will about Age of Ultron and Natasha’s relationship with the Hulk, but Natasha REALLY opened up in this movie.

As you can see she’s still kicking butt, as per usual (u go queen). What’s different this time, however, is that I think this is one of the first times we see her working as a team. While she did that in Avengers and TWS, I feel like this time she really relies on and trusts her team. “Can someone deal with that? Thank you.”

Additionally, she’s the only one who can calm Bruce down when he’s the hulk (which is pretty dope). This of course has to do with their romantic involvement, but also shows a part of Natasha that we have never seen before: her gentle, loving, and caring side. Then when we see her with Clint’s kids we see this maternal side of her that we never have before.

We learn a tiny bit of her history in the Red Room, which builds our understanding of her. But her being reminded of this also leads to her opening up SO MUCH to Bruce. She TELLS him what it was like in the Red Room. She tells him that they made her into a monster and an assassin and she’s trying to be better. She’s CRYING when she tells him about how they made it so she can never have children. While she would never show that side of herself to anyone else (except for maybe Clint), her opening up to someone else was a HUGE step for her.

Captain America: Civil War:

By this movie Natasha sees the Avengers as her friends. “Staying together is more important than how we stay together.” She loves the Avengers and she loves who she is with the Avengers. In fact, I think she loves the Avengers mor than any other character--she finally feels like the red in her ledger is being wiped out. This probably informs her decision to sign the Sokovia Accords because she doesn’t want to stop being an Avenger and she wants to be there with her friends. 

Then at the end she has to choose between letting Steve go and stop the plot to awaken more winter soldiers, and becoming a criminal again, “putting red back in her ledger” (I know that what she did wasn’t like red bad but it was still a crime) and she chooses to let Steve go. When given the choice between herself and saving the world, she chooses saving the world, forcing her to leave the Avengers--the only people that feel like family

Avengers: Infinity War:

There’s not much of Natasha in this movie, but what we do have is golden. She’s on the run again, but this time she’s with friends. This time she’s helping people. This time she’s a hero--even if she’s technically a criminal. And don’t get me STARTED on the scene where she teams up with Okoye and Wanda to kill Proxima Midnight AAAHHHHH. She goes from not being much of a team player to “She’s not alone.” YAAASSS QUEEN I LOVE YOU 

Avengers: Endgame:

And of course, we have the big one: Endgame.

Wow.

11 years of character development lead us to this moment.

While everyone else is off dealing with the snap in their own way, where is Natasha?

At the Avengers headquarters, still helping people, and trying her best to not only help herself with the snap, but the rest of the universe. She’s really so amazing in this scene, clearly sad and probably barely coping--yet helping the world get back on its feet and the snap.

Then we have the time heist and she goes back in time with her best friend in the world to Vormir. I think this might be the first time we ever see her smile. REALLY smile. When Clint says “Under any other circumstances, this would be the best time of life,” she has the BIGGEST smile I think I have ever seen in any Marvel movie. So pure, yet it comes from the person with the darkest back story. So joyful, yet there is so much pain there. This is when she finally starts to feel like a human and not just the assassin she was trained to be. Natasha is SO HAPPY to be back with the Avengers--happier than anyone else--and to be doing her major part to save the world.

Then we get to Vormir. 

Vormir.

They’re greeted by Red Skull and he says her fathers name, Ivan--a name she had never even heard before. I originally felt it was kind of weird to randomly introduce her father here until I realized it was her motivation. 

Natasha never knew her father. Never had a chance to celebrate birthdays with him, bring home nervous boyfriends to the intimidating father, and just get to spend time with him. She never had any of that. Instead she got a red room and lessons that almost broke her and brutal graduation ceremonies and no love.

She does not want that for Clint’s kids. While none of them would ever have to go through quite what she did, they would never get their father back. They would have to live the rest of their life without him. Natasha has no one--and she knows that. She knows that it has to be her.

Clint, however, loves her. He loves her so much. She is his best friend in the world and being the cause of her death would eat him up for the rest of his life.

In this moment there is nothing else they love more in the world than each other.

A pretty far way from “love is for children.”

So they fight it out, each one trying to save the other--but ultimately Natasha wins. She smiles up at Clint. “It’s okay.” Then he’s forced to let her go.

Natasha finally feels real. She finally feels like a person. She finally feels human. She finally lets herself love. And she loves so much that she knows she must be the one to sacrifice herself for half the universe.

Now I say to all of you who have a problem with Natasha dying where she did, what would you have rather had happened? She just lets Clint die and wastes all of that character development? Absolutely not! She LOSES to Clint? No. Her death was the culmination of 11 years worth of character development, 11 years of learning, 11 years of growth. While her death is devastating, it is beautiful. A hero’s death made by a real hero—something that we rarely see women in fiction do.

Dear Natasha Romanoff,

There was red in your ledger, but you wiped it out. You saved us. We won because of you.

Thank you Natasha. You are the strongest avenger.

#endgame spoilers #natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha character analysis #do you think my english teacher will let me turn this in for my research essay?

[strangershield]

Double Agent

Pairings: Grant Ward x Reader

Request:  Hi, I love your imagines! I was wondering if I can request and Grant Ward imagine. Where reader and ward worked for hydra together, and they both went undercover at sheild. But when HYDRA took over sheild, reader decided to defend shield and rebel against hydra. It upset both reader and ward. And then maybe they have to fight and it's angtsy. It can end however you want it to, thank you!

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: angst, manipulative relationship, Ward being Ward?

A/N: I hope you like this! I took a bit of creative license but I hope you had something like this in mind! I haven’t watched season one in ages so I apologize for any inaccuracies. 

-

-

-

Being an agent for a secret organisation was tough, but being a double agent was almost impossible. Impossible to anyone but you and at least half of SHIELD. From the moment you signed up to SHIELD your head was filled with secrets and lies. Your mentor was corrupt, so it was natural for you to follow in his footsteps. Garret was manipulative and you were a lost soul searching, almost begging for somewhere to belong. He taught you the art of deception and torture. He even convinced you that SHIELD was evil and not Hydra, despite their brainwashing and gruesome tactics. Yet you were a better student than you let on, as your heart never fully trusted them. Not even when they gave you Grant. You were assigned to the Bus together, although your relationship was quick to crossover from co-workers to something a little more personal. Currently you were sitting on your temporary bed at the Providence, alone without the comforting hum of the engine. It used to frighten you, being so high in the sky at all times. Now you were used to it. Besides, you had been exposed to much scarier things. Yet now you were on the ground, on a mission, and you found yourself missing the sky. You frowned when you heard a knock at your door, and turned to see him standing gracefully in your doorway.

“Can I come in?”

“Always, Grant.” You replied softly, half asleep. He smiled back.

You never called him Ward anymore. It was his defence, his persona. Grant was the man you fell in love with, not Ward. Occasionally it would slip from your tongue when you were mad or in the presence of others, but the name always felt foreign in your mouth.

You watched Grant enter and close the door, locking it before he sat on your bed. Studying his face, you became aware of his twitching eyebrow. A thought hit you suddenly, sending a jolt through your body. He was nervous. Now awake, you sat up and crawled over to where he sat, tucking your legs underneath you. He stared at his hands which were folded in his lap. Slowly, he took a deep breath.

“It’s happening. Tomorrow.”

Your blood ran cold. The plan, the day that you had been dreading…it was all happening. He sensed your sudden change and felt a pang of guilt as your body tensed. No matter how many times you reassured him, he knew that you weren’t fully committed to the plan. He knew you too well. You cared about people and had grown close to Skye and May and Coulson and FitzSimmons. It was dangerous, your friendship with them, and he had warned you on numerous occasions. You were happy to remind him of his own relationships with the team, especially with May and Skye. You weren’t jealous. In fact, it was amusing to watch him play a part and pretend to get hurt when ultimately he would ruin all of them.

The plan and your reluctance to it wasn’t what worried him. It was your loyalty to Hydra which did. You appeared loyal, attending every meeting and even requesting extra work or missions. He had to hand it to you, you could play a part well. But he wasn’t fully convinced by your performance. He saw it in your wavering eyes and your fidgeting hands. However, it no longer mattered what he suspected. Tomorrow, all would be revealed. Hydra. Your loyalty. SHIELD’s weakness.

“You remember the plan?” he asked you softly. You nodded.

The two of you sat in silence, side by side, before he spoke again.

“(Y/N), whatever happens tomorrow, you know that I care about you. Right?”

You nodded, although his words frightened you. Did he know that you had a questioning heart? That you could never fully commit to Hydra?

Instead you smiled. “I care about you, too.”

He smiled and turned to face you, placing a delicate kiss on your lips. You ignored the sinking feeling in your stomach as you kissed him back, wanting tomorrow to never occur. In one way or another, you would lose him tomorrow. You knew this, but he didn’t.

He pulled away and gave you another lazy smile, turning your guilty insides to jelly.

“Get some rest, tomorrow’s a big day.”

He kissed your forehead before he stood up and walked to the door. You watched his every move, determined to relish in every moment. When he reached the door he stopped and turned back to you, and muttered two words that made your blood turn to ice.

“Hail Hydra”

“Hail Hydra.” You repeated numbly.

He smiled and left, and that’s when it occurred to you.

He thought that he was doing the right thing.

-

-

The secret was out: Hydra never left.

You were alone in an endless maze of hallways, regretting not taking his advice and becoming familiar with a floorplan. No one had found out about you yet, but you knew that it wouldn’t take long. It didn’t put your mind at ease either. You were overwhelmed by an incredible sinking feeling: something wasn’t right. From your earpiece you discovered that Coulson, May and Fitz had just discovered Garret’s disloyalty. A million thoughts ran through your mind as you walked hastily down another empty hallway. A million voices were also screaming into your ear via your earpiece, so you didn’t notice him until your bodies collided. You let out a surprised yell and stammered away from them before you looked up.

“Grant.” You whispered, relieved.

He breathed deeply, and you knew that he was just as anxious as you. His hair was dishevelled, and your stomach turned when you saw the blood on his hands and shirt. You hoped that it was his and not an innocent agent’s. His eyes widened as reality sunk in: you shouldn’t be here. He grabbed your arm and pulled you into a nearby room, locking the door. Luckily it was unoccupied. You would have hated to have to put down any more agents.

“What are you doing? You have to get the plans, remember?” He questioned in a hush voice.

“I was on my way,” you replied truthfully. “But I got lost. And then I heard about the others…”

Grant sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, making your words trail off. He had hoped that Coulson would find out much later. He didn’t want Fitz to know either, or May, or any of the team. Not now. But this was the reality. Your heart gave a tug as you stared at him, and you knew that it was because of Coulson. No matter what he said or who he was, he respected Coulson. And the man had just discovered that his top agent and oldest friend were spies, traitors. You felt sick at the thought.

“Skye knows too.” He whispered.

Your eyes widened. “Skye? What the hell!”

You were more angry than shocked, your blood boiling. Skye was your closest friend, and he promised you that he would leave her alone. If she knew about him, it wouldn’t take her long to find out your secret. She was smart.

“She only knows about me, I swear.” He sighed, but your eyes still filled with tears. You were exhausted, mentally and physically, and you wanted it all to end. SHIELD, Hydra…they were the same to you, and you no longer cared who won or lost.

Grant noticed your apprehension and pulled you into a hug, one hand cradling your head. You let yourself give in to his warmth as you closed your eyes, breathing in his scent of cologne, sweat and blood.

“It’ll all be okay,” he whispered, rubbing circles on your lower back. “Garret has the others under control. We just need to follow the plan, take care of the Skye and then we can go, just you and me. You’ll see.”

You almost allowed yourself to be fooled. Almost. But he made the mistake of mentioning Skye. You pulled away from his embrace and looked up at his face, your own conveying your confusion.

“What do you mean ‘take care of Skye’?”

He sighed in annoyance and pushed you away. You stumbled, shocked by his sudden change.

“You bloody know what I mean. Seriously (Y/N), what do you think? This is what we signed up for.”

You shook your head, tears building in your eyes. “I didn’t sign up for…this. I don’t want to be a murderer.”

“Well it’s time for you to grow up. We are Hydra (Y/N). You comply, or you’re a traitor.”

A jolt went through your spine as you took a step backwards, shocked by his words. Your heart began to beat a little faster as you stared into his eyes. Yet they weren’t his eyes, not Grant’s. Instead, they were cold and unforgiving. They were the eyes of a murderer, something you could never be.

He stared at your now quivering frame and let out a small sigh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be harsh. But we have a mission to complete. Come on.”

He went to take your hand but you dodged him, gaze set firm and unwavering. Your tone was venomous when you spoke.

“Don’t touch me Ward.”

That’s when it hit him: you weren’t Hydra. Maybe you were once, but SHIELD had changed you. He jumped when he heard you call him by his last name, as if he had been slapped. His eyes devoured you, becoming softer and more like Grant. Yet the coldness lingered. It would always be there, a constant reminder as to who he truly was. After all, he was Grant Ward, and like most people, he could be both kind and dangerous. There was now a reasonable distance between the two of you, and with it came a thick tension. Your body shook and your heart was beating violently in your chest, yet you kept your gaze focussed on him. You tried to appear strong or at least neutral, but he knew you better than that.

“Don’t do this.” He pleaded, voice emotionless.

You shook your head with glassy eyes. He didn’t protest, for he knew that he had lost you.

“How long?” he asked, his dark eyes never leaving yours. When you didn’t reply, he let out a deep chuckle, though there was no humour in his laughter.

“You never were fully committed, were you? After all these years…” he trailed off, connecting the missing pieces.

Meanwhile, you stood and never moved. Part of your hesitation was due to fear, but the other was due to your damn heart. Somehow, you still cared for him deeply.

“Come with me,” you whispered. “We can leave, together. I know what they’ve done, how they have hurt and manipulated you. But now you have me. Please Grant, no more SHIELD. No more Hydra. Just you and me.”

His shoulders relaxed, and for a moment you thought that he was considering your offer. But time moved on and he remained silent and emotionless. Unease filled your insides. The room seemed to grow hotter and the air thicker, making you physically uncomfortable. Sweat began to collect on your forehead and at the base of your neck. Your heavy gear was not helping.

“(Y/N),” he said suddenly. “I am a simple man.”

Subconsciously, you held your breath. For a moment, you allowed yourself to believe in Grant. Maybe you had gotten through to him. He was accepting your help. He was accepting you. Unfortunately, he wasn’t finished.

“But I am also a soldier, a loyal one.”

You froze, suddenly feeling nauseous. Your dreams weren’t coming true, but your nightmares were.

“And I comply.”

-

-

You didn’t see the gun until it was pointed at you, the point cool against your forehead. You sucked in a breath as his eyes narrowed. They were dark and cold. Murderer’s eyes.

You had been in situations like this before, but you never believed that someone you loved would be the person on the other end. His hand wasn’t shaking. He had always had good aim. Yet he wasn’t pressing the gun into your forehead, it was barely grazing your skin. You realised that it was a warning. He didn’t want to pull the trigger. In fact, he would be more than happy to put the gun down. But only if you comply.

“Grant,” you whispered in a low voice.

Your eyes had begun to fill with tears, although none spilled down your cheeks. He didn’t seem to notice your tears, or if he did he didn’t care. You hoped for the former. He stood in front of you, unwavering, as his fingers moved across the gun. A simple click filled the room, goosebumps spreading across your arms. Suddenly the situation seemed real: the safety was off.

The situation could have ended in many ways.

Ward wasn’t the only one with a gun. After all, you were an undercover agent with an agenda too. Your training was screaming at you to take your own gun, which sat on your hip, and point it at him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Your fingers twitched but you couldn’t do it. It was risky. As soon as you moved he could pull the trigger, you didn’t doubt him for a second. There was another reason, too. Pointing a gun at him meant becoming him. You wanted to be better.

Option two was simple: give in. Apologise and say those two dreadful words. He would believe you. Hell, he wouldn’t even tell Garret about your moment of weakness. He would let it slide and the two of you would be off on your merry way. But you couldn’t do that either. You didn’t want to be controlled by Hydra anymore. You wanted to fight for good, whether that be with or without SHIELD. Losing Hydra meant losing him, but Ward was now a stranger to you. It didn’t make your heart hurt any less.

Talking your way out was also an option, but would it be enough?

“Come on (Y/N),” Ward said softly, breaking your trance. You were repulsed by his fake kindness. “Let’s leave and forget this ever happened. You are confused and scared, but that’s okay. I’m here.”

He was force feeding option two to you. Give in, let the moment fade in time. He was giving you an ultimatum, but you were smarter than that. He was trying to manipulate you.

“You’re just as bad as them,” you said harshly. “You want to control me.”

He sneered and pressed the gun closer to your skin, making you gasp. There was pressure now, enough to leave an indent. You went too far.

Talking was no longer an option, and valuable time was slipping away.

So you took another path and decided to wait.

The only sounds in the room were your joint breathing, harsh and laboured. You set your gaze to match his and clenched your hands into fists to stop them from shaking. A tremor started from the gun which travelled to your forehead. He was shaking. It made your heart clench in fear. It meant he was unpredictable. For the first time, you realised that you were afraid to die. You began pleading with your eyes, begging him to let you go. The gun continued to shake.

Suddenly he had a change of heart. His arm fell, limp at his side, bringing the gun down with it. You breathed a shaky sigh of relief, squeezing your eyes shut as tears spilled down your cheeks. You no longer cared about appearing weak in front of him, in fact you believed that you had earnt the right to let your guard down. He refused to meet your eyes or take in your shaking figure. Instead he stared at the gun in his hand. His gun, which moments ago was pressed against your forehead. Could he have done it? Pulled the trigger? Neither of you knew the answer.

“Go.” He said gruffly.

You opened your eyes and stared at the broken man in front of you. Your heartbeat drummed in your ears, not quite understanding his words.

“Grant…” you whispered.

Was this the end? Finally he looked up at you. He was broken, you could tell by his eyes. His soul, his heart, they were beyond redemption. But was yours any better? You had hurt people, too. You were both Hydra. Yet you chose to be better, to try a new lifestyle. He was stuck in the manipulative loop. It broke your heart to not be able to help him.

“Go.” He repeated, more viciously this time.

That’s when you both knew that this was the moment in time when your paths divided. This was the end. A single tear rolled down your cheek, but you ignored it. You were now strangers, enemies. Nothing would ever be the same.

“Run!” he yelled.

So you did. You turned and ran out of the room, not daring to look back.

#agents of shield #grant ward #grant ward x reader #marvel #fanfiction #mcu #angst #my writing #writing #Avengers

[winterbuckytho]

The Assassin Who Loved Me (Part 3 ending)

Pair: Stucky

Wordcount: 4191

Plot: AU of CATWS events via prompt supplied by the fabulous jewishcap

Warnings: Bucky cusses some more???

A/N: I am primarily an erotica & horror writer so in a few weeks I’ll begin reworking and telling the story making it much longer and adding more detail in those elements (Because Winter Soldier being a terrifying insane yet competent murderer when Steve isn’t looking MUST be done)

8

Steve spent the day searching high and low for Bucky. He enlisted Sam & Nat telling them everything Bucky had told him and asking them to firstly, not tell a soul what was happening nor to ask for outside help. They reported back face to face several times to no avail. The two tried to get him to slow down and eat something but he refused saying he let Bucky go once and he would never do it again no matter who asked him to, making his concern and resolve quite clear.

It was growing quite late when Steve returned to his apartment to use the bathroom before trying to search for Bucky some more. As he was about to leave he stopped and stared through the hole in his bedroom wall for a moment before returning to his living room to leave. As he went a wink of bright light caught his eye from the window. He looked out & up and saw a flash of silver. He knew instantly why he couldn’t find Bucky for hours that day, he had been watching and following Steve all day making himself undetectable.

“Oh my God, you little… Been going out of my fuckin’ mind and you’ve been twenty feet away all day long.” He said running out the door with his shield on his back.

He went to the roof of his building and getting a running start jumped to the next roof over. He landed in a roll jumped up and pelted after Bucky who jumped down onto a lower section of the building. “Bucky Stop!” he called. Steve knew there was nothing else at the other end of the building just a long drop down to the sidewalk, which if Bucky made it to, he might have to start the search all over again. When he jumped down he dove forward then curled into a ball behind his shield to land safer and quicker. He rolled onto one knee and threw his shield with just enough force to knock Bucky on his ass.

Seeming to hear the shield coming Bucky launched into the air doing a back flip turning in mid-air then charging at Steve. The shield hit the ground and slid loudly against stone. Bucky bellowing threw himself into Steve knocking him back and down to the ground. Then used his tumbling skills cartwheeling away before Steve could get a hold of him. He ran then trying to make the edge of the roof, thinking if he could just die, this would all go away. He wouldn’t have to remember anymore and Steve wouldn’t have to suffer because of him.

Steve refusing to let him go forced his body up even with the air knocked out of him and his diaphragm screaming then sprinted after Buck. He caught him by double handfuls of Bucky’s shirt and threw himself back pulling to keep them both from falling. “Bucky, please let me help you, you can come home and be safe now, you don’t have to be afraid!”

Bucky turned on him once more screaming at him.

“No, no! I can’t, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be near you!! I can’t be him for you!! Just let me go so I can disappear! ”

“Goddamit Bucky, I’ve got you now. You’re safe I’ll -”

Beginning to cry and scream hysterically Bucky pounded Steve around the shoulders and chest crying out, “I tried to run, I tried to find you, so many times!! I prayed you would come for me!! I tried so many times, sometimes I couldn’t remember why I wanted you or who you were to me and I tried to find you!!!”

Bucky now angry and despairing says something he regrets seconds later.

“You didn’t catch me and you didn’t find me and you didn’t stop me!!!”

Pulling Bucky into his arms accepting the blows, accepting Bucky’s pain, Steve knew he didn’t mean it, but it didn’t stop the pain of feeling it was all the truth. It didn’t stop the pain of wishing of all the lives he had saved, he had saved Bucky’s.

Losing his strength Bucky slid to the ground crying, his voice full of the fear and loneliness that had been trapped inside him where even he couldn’t find it all these years. “I tried..! I tried..! Steve, even when they did bad bad bad things to me till I didn’t know what it meant to be without pain. Even when they took everything away my family, my friends, my self, you were still there in my heart and so I tried… I tried so hard to find you… I tried…!”

“Dear God, I’m so sorry Bucky, I’m sorry I didn’t save you… ” Steve said crying himself. He now understood when Bucky had that panic attack this is what he meant when he said “I tried” then. “I… I always wanted to believe you were out there. I wanted to try to pretend you had just gotten lost, that if I looked for you, I would find you again someday. I felt you out there somewhere. I felt you couldn’t possibly be dead. But all the doctors said it was a coping mechanism and that if I didn’t stop I would start to obsess and find myself wrapped in a conspiracy, losing my grip on reality.

When I crashed the Valkyrie, I prayed to die so if you were dead I could see you again.

I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry, baby. If only I had fought for you like I fought for everyone else…”

They cried together hugging each other until they we’re both silent laying on the roof. Somehow Bucky had done a thing Steve had never seen an adult do: cry until he gave himself the hiccups. It was oddly adorable and Steve held him close, rubbing his back. He didn’t want to disturb or upset Bucky but he didn’t think sleeping on the roof was a good idea.

He gathered Bucky up and Bucky did not resist. He, in fact, wrapped his arms and legs around Steve who held him up with an arm under his butt. Steve went and retrieved his shield and begin the business of going home.

~

Once there he tucked Bucky into his bed climbed in behind him and spooned him close. Before long Bucky fell asleep. Steve didn’t even worry if Bucky would begin tomorrow the same way. Something changed from this time last night and for better or worse this was really Bucky this time. He was broken and put back together a bit wrong but he was himself. Steve knew there would be no more lies no more secrets. Just Bucky & him against the world.

During the night Bucky woke once with a start and began to cry softly. When Steve asked if he was alright and if he had a nightmare Bucky only stared eyes wide, his fingers squeezing two fistfuls of the blanket. Then his face ran a gamut of emotions from contempt to defiance to disgust to open mouthed horror. Steve put a hand on his cheek and turned his face so he could look directly at him.

“Are you remembering bad things?” He asked him gently.

Bucky’s eyes changed then. It was as if his soul had been turned around in his body looking back at the past in his mind and when Steve spoke he turned back to face the outside world. His eyes locked on Steve’s and he gave a single nod.

“What can I do, baby? How can I make the pain go away?” Steve ask him kissing his forehead making the frown that was brewing there disappear.

“You can’t. It’s who I am now.” Bucky said in a defeated voice.

“What can I do to help you then? How can I help you carry the burden of it?” Steve asked he didn’t know what to do if someone was in a state of mind like this. He had been ignoring much of his own trauma so he could postpone needing to find out.

Bucky answered rolling towards him slipping an arm around Steve’s waist. “Give me what you gave me last night, make me feel good & clean again.”

They made love slowly, Steve taking his time asking his heart what felt right to do, what Bucky would need most of him. Bucky cried again; twice actually. Once as Steve kissed the small of his back. It was such a simple lovely gesture yet Bucky before would have thought “Oh, that’s nice…” But Bucky now thought, “Yes! Kiss me, heal me, let your saliva be the holy water that washes away my sins done and those against me. Bless me with your love!” completely unaware he remembered even that much about the old faith of his mother and father.

The second time as he climaxes. He felt as if somehow Steve had emptied him of the whole horrifying mess of it all and had poured in pure golden blinding ecstasy. 'God, what they did to you… It’s gotten stronger with time. I’m not waxing poetic. Your essence, your soul, the place your love comes from, it’s stronger and more virtuous than that of any man to ever walk the earth. I will earn the right to be filled with it. I promise you, for the rest of my life I will have earned the right for you to love me like you do.’

When they slept again Bucky dreamed of Steve and the world of light he brought Bucky’s troubled dark mind.

~

“Steve, even if I stay, they are going to kill us. They are going to kill a lot of people. They’re going to kill your friends.” Bucky said in a calm quiet voice over coffee that morning.

“Who Buck? ” dreading hearing the one name he didn’t want to hear knowing somehow that Bucky would say it.

“Hydra, Steve. Who the hell else would have thought creating me in the form of a tool would be useful or at the very least entertaining. SHIELD has been corrupted since the beginning. It’s a front like the mafia goons used to use. Everything they do has a secret use for Hydra. The entire STRIKE team are Hydra. Among other things. Fury doesn’t know… Alexander Pierce was my… was who gave me orders to kill you, Nat and Fury. Then the rest of The Avengers would have been 'requisitioned’ or terminated one by one.”

For an instant, Steve is sure Bucky almost said “Alexander Pierce was my 'owner’.” and a flame of rage flicked up his spine. he forced himself to keep cool and ask more questions. “Why are they going to do that? How do you know all of this?”

“Because they’re still Nazi assgoblins and I’ve been here in DC about a year taking care of loose ends, getting the playing field ready to launch Project Insight.”

“Project Insight?! Fury told me-”

“What he had been told. Insight does as he said the only omission being it’s meant to take out threats to Hydra.”

9

“And how did you survive this long?” Asked Sam.

The bustle of the diner cloaked their conversation, but plenty of eyes were drawn to Steve & Bucky as they plowed through the restaurant stocked supplies. The manager was contemplating asking them to please, do not order any more food, they might not make it the entire week before more stock could be bought.

“They started before I had the accident. They knew who I was and who I was to Steve. They wanted to make me into Anti Captain America. I was captured and it was during that time I was being primed for the brain washing and given a bootleg version of Erskine’s super soldier serum. That gave my body the fortitude to survive the fall.”

“So do you remember me?” asked Nat.

There is a long silence between the two during which Bucky couldn’t meet her eyes. “I was really hoping we don’t need to address that right now.” He rolled up a waffle the size of his head like a cigarillo and speared it on his fork eating it like he had done his tenth sausage link.

“But we will?”

“Yes. Let’s just try to get through today and whatever comes after that, we will have that conversation.”

“What are you two..? You know what, you got it right, we need to get to Fury and anyone else who may be on our side of this thing.” Said Steve concerned but aware time was a'wasting as they used to say.

Bucky put his right hand on Steve’s shoulder and said “Thank you for being so level headed about this. We will talk.”

Nodding Steve said, “Nat, I know Fury tasks you with different objectives from my own when we are deployed. Do you have a way to communicate directly to him?”

“Yes. I got in contact with him when you called. He gave me a location to meet him at in a few hours. I think he may suspect which means he wouldn’t be surprised by me showing up with all of you in tow. He may already have something in the works, so after we round up everything we need we’ll to get to him.”

“Steve have you looked at the file I gave you?” Asks Sam.

“Yes. Do you know where it is?” Steve asked.

“Not that far away actually.” Sam replied.

“I’ll take him. Rendezvous at your place? I’ll ask Fury to meet us.” Nat said.

“That works out. I gotta stop over at my weapons cache, actually. Hopefully, there are only a few Hydra grunts we’ll have to take out to get in there.”

“Steve, can we really trust him?” Sam asked. “What if that’s a trap?”

Before Steve could answer, Bucky did.

“Listen, you’re right to be cautious. I showed up out of nowhere, all hell broke loose and now Captain America has been working for Nazis without knowing it.

I’m an emotional fucking wreck right now, I can’t begin to explain how fucked the inside of my head is at this moment in time. The only thing keeping me on to feet is the same thing that I fought brainwashing and basically the reprogramming of my mind just to find my way back to. If you ever been in love, you know what I’m feeling right now.

So fear me or not, trust me or not, I’m here with you guys now. You don’t have to cozy up to me, you just gotta point me in the direction of this man’s enemy because I’ll kill 10,000 Hydra cock parasites, just mow 'em down like overgrown grass. And I’ll die before I betray him.”

At this Nat’s expression became decidedly carefully indifferent.

Steve replied. “Aw, Buck… please, don’t kill that many people.”

“Can’t make no promises. I’ve got my own reasons for wanting to wax some Hydra ass, vengeful rage being only one. I only promise not to kill you guys.”

They look from one to another till everyone’s eyes land on Steve.

“What?”

“I have $8 dollars, three of it in coins in the armrest of my car. I don’t get paid till Wednesday. If I live that long.” says Sam.

“I haven’t made new ids and credit cards since I had to swap out stuff before the night mission.” Says Nat.

“I do not have anything of value at the moment. Give me 5 hours and I could come back to you with $1500, though. I got some handguns I could sell. Legally, don’t have a conniption fit. You know I’m good for it, Steve.”

Right. Shit. Between he and Bucky, two men whose metabolism was fantastic and their need for fuel prodigious, they could normally have put away about $80 worth of food. But since they had spent the day and night before expending without replenishing, they had eaten about $150 of stuff. It was the reason he chose to meet Nat and Sam outside the city. People would notice pretty fast if the two of them walked into the nearest Denny’s and ate like it was going out of style. Sam and Nat had only ordered $20 worth of food between them both.

Steve, shook his head threw down two one hundred dollar bills and said “Come, on. Let’s get this show on the road.”

~

Bucky peeked down on the U Move We Store lot from the roof of the laundromat across the street. Six. Just Six. Either Pierce was a fucking idiot or they were walking into a trap.

“We can’t both go down, we don’t want you captured and if there isn’t more it will be easier for me to pick 'em off quietly. Let me do my sneaky like spider thing. Give it like three mins, if nothing looks hinky then come down to 1908. I need you to carry some stuff, I can’t put it all on fast enough to avoid someone responding to the little mutiny I’m about to get well underway with.”

Bucky creeps to the back of the roof and using the drainpipe and the wall of the building behind to slip away in the cool evening light.

Steve isn’t sure if he’s waiting for a signal until he hears the signal: rattling of metal roll down door signifying the opening of a unit. Steve takes a different way down. He keeps stealth going longer than he needed too, just to be sure Bucky was ok and not being used as a lure. When he slips into the containment unit he is astounded at the sheer amount of firepower his beau has tucked away right in the middle of the town Steve’s been living in. Also, how fast & silent Bucky took the six Hydra men down. There is a Ducati Diavel to his left and to his right Rubbermaid totes and tall steel shelves neatly stacked with smaller containers.

Bucky is half done suiting up and as Steve enters Bucky directs him to a bin of large duffle bags and begins telling him a list of what to put in it. Guns, knives, emp magnetic concussion and incendiary grenades, holsters, belts, packs and ammo. So so much ammo.

As Steve does the work he watches Bucky put on his gear and realizes…Bucky, already incredibly good looking, the view just keeps getting better the more black and leather he puts on. Watching him Steve sees if he tried he could get seriously aroused watching Bucky slip into knee guards and kevlar. Bucky came to one gunbelt in particular which he slung low on his right and the entire time he adjusted it Steve couldn’t stop watching those hips and thighs.

At one point Bucky dug into a crate and took out a pair of goggles and a face guard. He chucked the mask and goggles and digs out a domino mask, choosing to put it on over the other items. He digs a bit more and takes out some eye black and a mirror. He meticulously applies the eye black and puts on the domino mask. He seems fond of it and watching him do this has the same effect watching a vixen pull on her pantyhose before donning her heels.

“You got those bags? I have no way to return for shit I forgot and if things pan out well I will never have to.” Bucky said lifting his bike by the handle bars and relocating it outside. Steve followed and watched Bucky pull down the door and squeeze the metal lats and twist creating a lock out of crumpled metal in the track on the bottom left of the door.

He hopped on the bike and got it ready to balance almost 1500 pounds of super soldier and weapons. Once Steve was on Buck started it up and they sped off into twilight.

~

When Bucky and Steve entered the apartment the door was unlocked. They opened it and slipped in. Inside in his parlor, three women sat on his couch. Nat, Agent Hill and a woman Steve had never seen before. Fury had seated himself in the armchair to the right of the couch and Sam stood leaning against the wall with one ankle crossed in front of the other wearing the EXO-7 Falcon.

“Well, well, well, looks like the man of the hour has arrived with his plus one.” said Nat.

“Just in time, we need to go over intel. Agent 13 will you catch Mr. Rogers & Mr. Barnes up with things.”

“At midnight, Hydra has three helicarriers that will launch and triangulate with Project Insight via satellites to select targets and begin killing millions of people. I have been undercover gathering what I can so Director Fury could find out why Insight has been such a rush job surrounded by highly convenient deaths. The data Agent Romanoff gathered from the Lumerian Star was all the evidence we need to know Pierce has been behind all manners of shady dealings. We need to ground the helicarriers or change out their targeting blades with ours.” She reported in a serious and direct manner then adding, “By the way, you know my Aunt Peggy and I just wanted to say it’s an honor, sir.”

“Ok. Sounds like we know what we’re doing we just gotta get there and get to work. And uh, pleasure’s all mine, thank you.” Steve responded.

“My only remaining question: be you the actual Sargent Barnes or not, whether you’ve been mind controlled or still might be, are you with us?” Fury asked Bucky.

“I’m a traitorous murdering rotten liar, but I’m his traitorous murdering rotten liar now. ” Bucky said indicating with a thumb in Steve’s direction.

“Then I think it’s nearly time to move out. I have a call to make.” Fury said taking out a burner phone. “Agent Romanoff, so do you.”

~

It was obvious to them Hydra knew they were coming. They had tried to get the ball rolling early so now the Triskelion was protected with Quinjets. The sounds of Hydra, quiet deadly machines and displacement of water as the subterranean Insight Bay opened to release creeping death on the world permeated the night.

Pierce and the STRIKE force stand at the other end of the bridge. Bucky shakes his head and laughs, it’s the most hearty heart warming laugh in the world. A sound that used to give Steve strength when there was none.

“What, honey?” Steve in a low voice asked, slightly worried by how long Bucky had his laugh.

Bucky says, “He’s a fucking idiot. Any self respecting shadow figure should be as far from the fight as he can possibly get. Now I understand why they didn’t think I’d come back to myself. I truly want justice but I kinda hope I get to kill him. Slow. Guy is fuckin’ dumber than a bag of hammers!”

Overhead something fast and bright buzzed the night sky then cut in a half circle to join the Team Cap group. Hawkeye let go of Starks’ hand and jumped down about six feet to stand beside Nat. She put up her fist and he pounded it with his own. Tony’s voice calls out, “'kay, we waiting for the music to start or what?”

“No, just the first kiss of the rest of my life.” said Bucky with that grabs Steve’s waist turns him like they were dancing and leans him back kissing him V-day style with his left hand resting under Steve’s upper shoulders. With his other, he twirls his gun like an actor in an old western movie, aims a perfect shot and lets his bullet fly.

Epilogue

Turns out legal actions were kinda off the table for the sheer fact that Hydra had been the ones they all broke the law against that night. There was still a lot of work to do and all though she forgot, Peggy cheered when she heard Steve had once again saved them all from Hydra. “He has always been the perfect man for that job.” she will say, proud that he got the chance he had wanted to be a true hero.

The wedding was small. Their closest friends and their newest friends looked on as a match made in Heaven was finally recognized. Sam & Nat were the best man and groomsmaid. Bucky wore an American flag thong for his something blue. Steve cried with relief and joy. Fury advised them to try to stay out of trouble now. The reception went to almost 3 am.

Bucky at first wanted to wait, saying he wanted to get better and heal as much as he could so he could get as close to being the Bucky who last stood at Steve’s side. Steve convinced him, in the end, saying, “You as you have been in the past, as you are now, as you will be in the future, are that man. You are my Bucky.”

end

Parts  1   &   2

#Stucky #Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #AU #MCU