#it's also sort of scary bc idk IF it comes to publishing

[pensiveabstraction]

15 questions 15 mutuals

ty @dont-leafmealone and @elfinfair for the tags

were you named after anyone? for my deadname one of my middle names was the same middle name as my mum, my new first name and first middle name are indirectly and directly taken from the names of characters i like

when was the last time you cried? i think it was, i finally watched into the spiderverse for the first time like two months ago seeing all the hype abt the sequel, and when the big sad emotional climax moment happened, the one during the big fight, i was crying, not silent leaking eyes maybe sniffling a bit, like full on open mouthed sobbing. shit just hit me rly hard, that movie's so good

do you have kids? nah

do you use sarcasm a lot? i think so yeah. unfortunately i am also extremely monotone so i frequently have to be like 'no i was kidding' bc out lout my normal voice and sarcasm voice must sound a lot closer together than in my head

what's the first thing you notice about people? idk i guess i notice if their clothes style and whether face looks like someone i know/know of

what's your eye color? greenish-grey last time i checked

scary movies or happy endings? both. depends what mood im in tbh. if im watching a movie i dont usually have a huuuge preference of genre, i tend to prefer stories w somewhat developed characters who have arcs so u'd think that'd make me averse to scary films where the characters r sometimes neglected/used as a blank slate to experience The Horror through the eyes of but i ALSO rly like well built up tension and just,,, interesting creepy vibes. i usually try to stay open minded w watchin stuff. however there are times when i feel down and just wanna watch some dudes fuck around and have everything come up alright in the end

any special talents? hmm. man idk. im pretty good at making minecraft skins does that count lol.

where were you born? england and i shall say no more

what are your hobbies? writing, reading fics (do not look how many bookmarks i have on ao3 why would you need to), drawing's fun. used to watch twitch a bunch but the main streamer id watch aint comin back so w for my sleep schedule ig

have any pets? yes a dog he is an old man he looks sort of like a skeletal dark souls creature (not through maltreatment he eats like a king his breed r just skinny asses lol)

what sports do you play/have you played? netball, softball, cricket, bit of tag rugby, loads of rounders, street hockey was my fav out fo em i was pretty ok at defending (all of these r from when i was still in p.e. classes in high school idk if that counts but its what i got)

how tall are you? last i checked 165cm (like 5,5 in the other measures i think)

favorite subject in school? hmm. probably either art or english. though i only rly got an appreciation for english when i did this additional gifted kid project thingy and rather than just literally tell us an interpretation of a text to memorise for an exam the teachers gave us a bunch of analytical lenses to choose from to analyse a text and i was like "yo wait interpreting meanings from the text is kinda fun when you havent got bitches in your ear telling you 'ok so this is exactly what the author meant and you just need to memorise that and write it in the test'"

dream job? i honestly have no idea. i wouldve said author once but i enjoy doing it for fun, i dont think id be able to make smth publishable and if i somehow did i feel like itd ruin it. if i had some kind of like repetetive but simple task and i just had to do it over and over, maybe listen to music or a podcast or smth in one ear i feel like so long as i earnt a decent amount id be cool with it. i am a simple little guy my dreams amount to 'eh id like to do some cool stuff :]'

i dont think i have 15 mutuals so ill just tag a bunch @jctko @thinkingjasico @captainchibi @zodismegalame @aroacekitty @glummar @ablueeyedarcher @erisenyo

#tag game

[steventhusiast]

WOO MORE TAG GAMES! keep em coming never stop tagging me! this time i got tagged by @xenon-demon :D and it’s 15 questions

are you named after anyone? not that i know of

when was the last time you cried? i’ve cried a fair bit recently hmmm i think during therapy last week

do you have kids? no i am just a little guy (21) and do not know how to interact with children under the age of 10

do you use sarcasm a lot? to be honest, not really? i do enjoy a good sarcastic back and forth tho

what sports do you play/have you played? i’ve never really been into sports.. living up to my truth as a gay stereotype

what’s the first thing you notice about people? i think accessories? i’m pretty bad at recognising faces and other physical attributes at first but i’ve realised recently with my current friends like the identifier i used for them when we first met was like ‘the girl with the winnie the pooh pencil case’ or ‘the girl with the cool disney princess backpack’

what’s your eye colour? so grey-ish blue but i have a ring around my pupil of like an orangey-brown that is kind of cool

scary movies or happy endings? i am a big baby so happy endings. especially if it’s a satisfying happy ending and i am emotionally attached to any of the characters. i do REALLY ENJOY depressing movies though so… but scary movies? absolutely not i hate the feeling of waiting for a jumpscare to happen

any special talents? i don’t think so. just an average little guy right here

where were you born? so so very scared of doxing myself bc the uk is SMALL so bottom half of england

what are your hobbies? reading and writing, playing a lot of video games (rn ive been getting back into truck simulator that shit is SOOOO calming, and i’m also a big valorant guy and a big minecraft/cosy games guy). i guess also like consuming media? idk not many hobbies to be honest but i wanna try and find a not screen related hobby over summer that i can do when i’m anxious like i wanna learn how to crochet or something

do you have pets? yes i have a dog he is the best boy ever and he turns 12 rly soon. he’s a little old man and the fur on his chin has gone grey bc of it

how tall are you? 5’4 and proud. perfect hug height for taller people

favourite subject in school? before i got to choose gcses and stuff? english, but once we got to choose, media studies <3

dream job? am another fuck capitalism i don’t dream of labour girlie, but i want to work in some sort of design position. maybe something in publishing design? or creative advertising? idk i dream moreso about future experiences than where i will make my money to live

not gonna tag 15 people bc i’m sleepy but here are a few (sorry if you’ve done this already) @beep-beep-robin @spectrum-spectre @italiansteebie @stregoniconiconii

#tag game #personal #xenon-demon

[faraway-wanderer]

it’s funny to me that I read so many high stakes fantasy  stories that have explosive endings and yet I’m writing one that has a soft epiphany sort of ending, quiet and hopeful

#it's also sort of scary bc idk IF it comes to publishing #how well it'd do fjdjdsjskska #but it needs the ending i'm writing #and also it's 2020 i can't bring myself to writer a heartwrenching ending #my writing

[nerdygaymormon]

uhhhh david have you gotten the liahona yet bc idk how to feel about an article i found in there yesterday. it was pretty comforting and basic, but did use ssa the whole time. BUT the youth one was pretty crappy, it used ssa to the max and gave no real hope, was pretty bland and annoying about oh itll be find just believe and jesus and get hatecrimed <3 i would like to hear your thoughts on it, its the first time ive seen any queer topics in church magazines

Thanks for bringing these to my attention.

"Same-sex attraction" (SSA) is the preferred term of Church leaders. They say it's a way of not making it your identity, that this isn't part of who I am but rather is something I'm dealing with. In other words, people "have" same-sex attraction, not that they "are" gay or lesbian or bi.

There have been a few leaks from behind-the-scenes where the apostles say they use "same-sex attraction" because it's the term that people like least. People like it less that same-gender attraction or gay/lesbian. SSA includes the word "sex" and I guess the idea is it gets people to think of sexual acts and feel queasy.

SSA is the term normally used in Church magazines because they follow the lead of the First Presidency and apostles.

There's 3 items in the Church magazines this month about queer people! That's a lot for one month.

————————————————————

The first is a bishop talking about how to understand and include LGBT people at church. After becoming bishop, 3 sets of parents contacted him distressed that their child is gay or transgender (I note that the parents used "gay." He also mentions contacting someone who 'identifies as gay").

His first recommendation is to follow the living apostles. (which explains why the bishop uses "SSA" even though everyone else around him used "gay"). It's a good idea for a local leader to find what the current leaders are saying because it's changed. He also says to read the Church's websites titled “Same-Sex Attraction” and “Transgender.” He provides two lovely quotes from those pages about diversity at church and being loving to people who are different.

His second recommendation is to not be afraid to talk to people who identify as gay, but instead try to have love for them and then let the Spirit guide you in what to say. We're just people, it shouldn't be scary to talk to us, that shows how different he thinks we are from the other people he interacts with in his ward.

The bishop's third suggestion is to speak to people who are familiar with LGBT "issues," share your testimony, and apologize for hurtful things you say. His list of people to contact for help understanding was a little disheartening because he starts with his stake leaders, ward leaders, other bishops, and so on, actual queer people were the last people on his list.

He continues by saying to pull aside members who are saying homophobic or transphobic things and give them some personal guidance, don't share private information that a member shares with the bishop, and just because someone has these "attractions" doesn't mean they're acting on them, and if they aren't "acting" on them then you can let them have a calling.

I have a few comments about the last few things. If no one corrects the homophobic/transphobic comments in public but instead privately suggests the person do better, every one who heard those comments thinks they stand unchallenged. The atmosphere created by the comments is unchanged. Especially if the bishop was present to hear those words, if they go uncontested then people think this is what is acceptable.

You'd think bishops know not to share private information a member shares with them. I've been around long enough to know that when a bishop is unsure what to do, he starts contacting his network (stake presidency, other bishops) asking for advice. Some bishops are discreet when doing this and others name the individuals.

While it seems basic, I recently had a counselor in a bishopric who didn't think gay people could get a temple recommend, that there's a zero-tolerance policy. That is an attitude that is outdated by a couple of decades, but it shows that people need to learn that simply existing as a gay or trans person doesn't automatically mean we are committing great sins.

I do find it interesting there appears to have been quite a few queer individuals in his ward, at least 4 or 5, and reading between the lines it seems they all stopped attending.

The bishop's heart is in the right place. I get he's following the Church leaders and that limits some of what he can do for queer people in his ward. I think his perspective primarily is of making the parents feel more welcome in the ward and not ostracized for having queer kids.

————————————————————

The second article in the Liahona is written by a person with same-sex attraction and his work to overcome the shame he felt.

It's a much better article than the one written by the bishop. This person shares about the shame they felt at having gay feelings and working with a therapist to overcome that shame. He shares 3 lessons that helped him with this process.

1) God and Jesus love and accept him as he is. This is a message that doesn't often get conveyed to queer members and it's important they know this.

2) The Atonement of Jesus Christ offers healing. At first he was wanting the Atonement to cure him of being gay, but instead it helped him be healed of the shame he felt. I hear so many members who think the Atonement can change us from gay to straight, and that's not true. I'm glad he made this distinction. Our Heavenly Parents don't view being gay or trans as something that needs to be cured. I wish that message was taught more openly in the Church.

3) Build deeper connections and show compassion. Loneliness and feeling like you don't belong at church are two of the most troubling aspects an LGBTQ+ person has to deal with if they are active in the LDS Church. Developing close friendships will help with that. Also, queer people tend to be more compassionate than the average person and I believe it's because of the experiences we had to deal with of living in a heteronormative world that isn't made for us.

He includes a few useful tips at the end on how to engage with queer people.

All in all, a much better story than the one written by the bishop. He shared part of how it feels to be a gay member of this church, the idea that he should be ashamed for who he is, that being gay isn’t a burden, that he doesn't fit in.

I appreciated he said this is part of his layers of identity and at the core of his identity is that we're children of heavenly parents. That's more nuanced than the apostles who reject being gay has anything to do with identity and our only identity should be a child of God.

————————————————————

The final story is from For the Strength of Youth. This piece seems like it's written by a queer person, but it's anonymous and given as general advice to show that people with same-sex attraction belong at church.

This article makes 3 main points. The first is that God loves you. That's true, although accompanying quotes to back up this principle aren't specifically about queer people.

The second point is "you belong." All sorts of people attend church, and God is no respecter of persons. Then they have a quote from Elder L. Whitney Clayton that people with same-sex attraction are welcome to come to church. To me, he's an odd choice to give this message as he led the Church's fight in California on Prop 8 to make gay marriage illegal again. Words aren't enough. Saying I'm welcome is not the same as making a welcoming climate.

The third point is that God will help you. They include a quote from Laura F. who experiences same-sex attraction. She writes about prayer, scripture study, temple and church attendance. However, she also says she doesn't know what her life will look like in 20 years, she seems to be leaving open the possibility her journey with God will lead her to romance and out of the church. I thought that was very honest and important.

————————————————————

I found it noteworthy that nowhere in these 3 articles does it say being alone and celibate is good and what God wants.

I appreciate the idea that we can make our local congregations less homophobic/transphobic. The suggestions from the bishops shows that the bar is pretty low and it doesn't take much to make an improvement from how things are now.

The voices of the two gay members was important, what they shared was useful but nuanced, didn't make commitments to staying in the church long-term or testify that what the church requires is what God wants for them.

Even so, it's clear the publisher is very careful. They use "same-sex attraction" so often, I think readers would be surprised the preferred term of most same-sex attracted people would be gay, bi or lesbian. While they addressed some things, like homophobic/transphobic comments, feeling shame & not fitting in, I think they largely skated past the things that make queer people decide that this church isn't for them.

There's a part of me that says I'm glad we're having this conversation in the Church magazines, but another part that says this is too sanitized and doesn't get at the heart of things. These are very hopeful messages that make it seem that queer people could easily choose to stay in church if a few adjustments were made and if they only understood God loves them, which avoids the "doctrine" that excludes queer people from the highest blessings and joys and makes us essentially second-class citizens in the kingdom of God, at least according to our church.

[beautifulspacegays]

Tag game: 15 questions, 15 mutuals

Tagged by: @moyasolkoroleva​, aka my designated tagger™

Are you named after someone?

sort of? 

my parents told me that they started listening to a lot of natalie merchent when my mom was pregnant with me, and just decided they liked the name???? so, i’m not necessarily named after her, but that’s how they got the idea 

my middle name was taken from my dad’s grandmother, so my great grandma (idk if this still counts). i’ve never met her because she died when my dad was little, but my dad’s told me a lot about her. she used to routinely handwrite and mail him letters between visits when he was a kid (fun fact: he still has them all). she also had really pretty handwriting... my dad gifted me the records he had sitting in his collection that used to belong to her (bc i’m her namesake) and she signed her name in the top lefthand corner of all the covers!! she’s always given me the impression that she was a pretty cool lady, so i’m pretty fond of my middle name 

When was the last time you cried?

a few weeks ago, i think

Do you have kids?

I adopt pretty much everyone i talk to for some reason or another lol. i can’t help it... it’s like, innate in me to want to keep all of my friends close so that i can like, make sure they’re doin ok. like, come on gang let’s herd up. let me protecc, let me make u dinnerrrrr and give u warm blanketssssss when ur saddddddd 

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

yes

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

their demeanour & how genuine they seem. then probably smile, voice, laugh, hands. i’m a sucker for someone with a nice voice tbh

What’s your eye color?

technically, blue. but they’re so... muted they almost look grey (idk a good way to say it). they don’t stand out, kinda dull tbh 

Scary movies or happy endings?

uhm, both??? i love scary movies and i’m an absolute sucker for a happy ending. also you cannot compare these two things that is just not faIR

Any special talents?

literally none lol. if anything, maybe writing. but that’s boring

Where were you born?

canada

What are your hobbies?

i have too many hobbies hahaha. i’ll just describe one!

quite a few years ago i started painting flower pots (yes, specifically flower pots. literally so many flower pots) as a way to help me deal with my anxiety, and after awhile it kind of just turned into something i did routinely? not rly sure why i started doing it in the first place but here i am 

I don’t paint them as often as i used to. but they kind of gave me another hobby... i have about 10 plants that i take care of now in my tiny room, and all of them are in pots that i’ve painted 

idk. it’s a little strange but, what can ya do 

Do you have any pets?

yes!! a kitten named luna and a sweet doggo named lennon (but i tend to call her lemon hehehehe)

How tall are you?

5′3 I think? all of my IDs say 160cm

What sports do you play/have you played?

my parents signed me up for soccer when i was around 4/5 and the first and only goal i ever scored was on my own net during a game. does that answer your question 

Favourite subject at school?

in highschool, my favourite subjects were always english & art 

Dream job?

this one is really hard for me to answer.

when i was really young, i wanted to be an “artist” bc i rly liked colouring books and drawing hahahah. when i was a little bit older it changed to “writer” (which is literally not a specific career at all good job past me). now, i’m honestly not so sure. i think i’d love the idea of publishing a book someday... but that isn’t really a job 

aaaaaaaand i’m almost finished a 4 and 1/2 year long undergrad in business marketing LOL glad those two things are super related

i,,,, literally always tag the same 2 people... @om-nommz & @rukiyo. other than @moyasolkoroleva (who i literally don’t tag only bc they’re always the one who tags me hahahaha), they’re the only mutuals that i routinely talk to

#bsg #text #i rly ramble in this post lol #rip #why do i always do these #i literally have no idea #it's like #why do i have to do every single buzzfeed quiz i happen to stumble upon???? #idfk #but i do it #in other news i should really stop rambling like an idiot in all of my tags