#it's been 11 hours and I still haven't seen this one on my dash

[purplesurveys]

1785

Do you know a James? I have a second cousin named James! He lives in New Zealand, though, and only visits home every few years. I first met him when he was a few weeks old, then the next time he was already like 10. I haven't seen him again since and I'm guessing he'll be in college or whatever the third time they come back to the Philippines.

Have you ever been to Australia? If not, would you like to? I haven't and I'd love to, but tbh it's also not really at the top of my list. I'm not really sure what I'd want to see/experience there.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? Haven't been diagnosed but I'm sure I have one or two hanging out in my head lol.

If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? Idk, I'm fine with the accent I have.

New York or California? New York, easily.

Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? I do and always have.

Who was your last text from? An incredibly late automated OTP that I don't even need anymore.

Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yes, I owned one as a teenager. Tumblr made photography this super hip hipster thing in the early 2010s lol and it made me beg my dad to get me a DSLR camera, even though I didn't have a clue how to use one. Long story short I found photography boring and I ultimately passed the camera to my sister, who ended up as the one into arts.

If you had to choose one instrument to perfect, what instrument would you choose? Piano.

Have you ever owned an Axolotl? Nope.

What has been the longest amount of time you’ve spent on a plane? Bali was around 4 hours. As much as I'd love to travel the rest of the world, those 20+ hour flights PLUS LAYOVERS sound dreadful.

How often do you use Snapchat? Whoa. I haven't used Snapchat since college, around 2017ish. I remember Angela and I trying to bring it back when the pandemic had *just* started but it didn't catch on.

What does your last text say? It's just an automated message that sent me an OTP.

Have you ever played Habbo? I saw the ads like a million times but never played it.

What about Runescape? Nope.

Have you ever heard of the band Mumford & Sons? If yes, do you like their music? I have, but I've never heard anything of theirs.

Have you ever kissed anyone starting with the letter A, C, N, T or K? No.

Have you ever used Valium before? I have not.

What time is it where you’re from? 11:39 PM.

Have you ever adopted an animal from an animal shelter? Yes, Arlee was from PAWS.

Where do you usually find Surveys from? On my dash. I used to look for surveys on Bzoink, but there was a period this year where I couldn't take surveys for a couple of weeks and by the time I came back there were tons of new, interesting ones on my dash. Ever since then I've always just been playing catch-up on my feed and I haven't opened Bzoink in months now.

Australia or New Zealand? Tbh I'd rather save the money lolol I honestly don't know which one to pick and I don't find either worth the visa hassle. I guess if anything uh New Zealand? then go to the spots BTS visited from Bon Voyage hah.

Have you ever missed a flight? Never.

What is your best friend’s middle name? I'm not sharing that.

How do you feel about the passing of Aretha Franklin? I was shocked, but it didn't affect me heavily.

Did you enjoy any of her music? Can't say I was a passionate fan of her music. It's just not something I was regularly exposed to so I've been largely unfamiliar for the most part.

What is your favourite film from your childhood? Toy Story and it's still my favorite kids' movie.

Kanye West or Drake? If we're doing brutal honesty I'd go with Kanye but all the shit he's said and done equally cancels him out, so I'll go with Drake by default lol.

Do you know anyone who is named after a state? I used to work with a girl named Jersey, if that counts.

What was the reason for your previous doctor’s visit? Shots for a dog bite.

Have you ever been to an outdoor cinema? Nope. Too hot and too many flies LOL.

Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? Idk if this even counts as one because I blacked out so quickly it was almost embarrassing, but what happened was I took a big puff of that cannabis vape thing after already having downed a ton of alcohol and the next thing I knew I was on my knees in the restroom and then finally carried back to my bed.

How often do you use Instagram? Everyday. I post at least one story a day; my in-feed posts are few and far between though and I only do posts if something super significant happens.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Yeah, a few times. It's not something I look for and I haven't done it since before the pandemic.

If so, do you still smoke? Nopes.

What are you up to tomorrow? It's my last working day before our office closes down for the holidays so while I'll be at work I'll be in a pretty damn jolly mood hahaha.

What type of questions do you like being asked during a survey? I like random questions that require more thought. It can be boring encountering what-color-is-your-blahblah all the time, and it also turns me away if questions are too hypothetical/philosophical.

Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? Adam Sandler.

What is your favourite Ben Stiller movie? I don't have one.

What is your favourite Spotify playlist if you have one? I made a playlist called 'it's raining purple' which are essentially BTS tracks I think are perfect for when it's raining and I open my windows to let the colder air in.

Outside of playlists I've made, I have two favorites – one called 'the tannies love you' which compiles all of BTS' fan songs; and 'standing next to you' which is an SNTY-focused playlist mixed in with a bunch of Michael Jackson songs.

Firefox or Chrome? Chrome.

Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? They're fun to read, yeah! You don't have to believe them; they're just stories to spice up what we already know hahaha. I was obsessed with the Avril Lavigne doppelganger case for a time.

If so, what is your favourite? ^ Oh, well that one.

Do you find hand tattoos attractive on your preferred sex? Depends on the tattoo design/style.

If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? I've always been indecisive about a main name, but I'd love for their second name to be Owen after Owen Hart.

What is your favourite Netflix original series? Is Black Mirror considered one? Let's go with that.

Have you ever owned a Tamagotchi? No, too expensive. I had bootleg ones which were just as fun :)

Do you have a favourite “survey blog” on Tumblr? If so, who? I like everyone! :) Would you rather be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early? Depends on the situation. If it's a super super super big event with like 1,000 people and my presence doesn't matter, I'd honestly much rather be late. Otherwise I'm always early.

If you could be a member of any TV-Sitcom family, which would it be? Perfect Strangers. Would love to finally be fluent in Myposian.

Tell me about the 6th person in your contact list: College orgmate and ultimately became part of the same friend group in college. Haven't seen her in years. Terrific writer, loves cats, unfortunately shares the exact same music taste as my ex so I always shudder when she shares her song recos. Has curly hair, lives in the south, remains to be one of the few people genuinely interested in journalism and I respect her for that. Great sense of style. I miss Blanch!

Are you waiting for a text back right now? Nope.

Would you rather be able to control fire or water? Water.

[castielific]

#it's been 11 hours and I still haven't seen this one on my dash #so I'm doing a favor to those that aren't on facebook and posting it here #you're welcome #misha collins #castiel #spn #supernatural

[devotion]

tagged by @peterbenjiparker omg hi thank you <3

1. why did you choose your url?

y'all know i love love loved my old one @/darlingspidey which i still use as a sideblog on another whole separate blog that i'm on when things get hectic here... but i soon realised i was turning multi-fandom in feb and i had this url miraculously saved from before and went 👀 yanno what. and... yeah. my url that i've kept for the longest + it'll probably stay that way now (hopefully) <333

2. any side blogs?

.... you don't wanna know how many i have. if you ... knew, you'd genuinely think wtf. but there's 6 here that i use for different reasons. @thomasparker is one for recs.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

in around two weeks, it'll be 20 months 😳

4. do you have a queue tag?

one which is q. dbjzbd off topic but i used to have the ... weirdest queue names and had “queue're so golden” or smth that i copied from seeing it somewhere thinking that it was how it was done, then realised it's a lyric from one of harry styles' songs 💀 didn't expect it like, i don't listen to him at all nor am i fan of his.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

5 days before we went in lockdown, i was still part of a toxic fandom and instead, already had a tsh sideblog (@tsh-darling 😌) to get away from it all in the meantime. it was my first tom mutual who supported me when i suggested it. not a mistake at all; i love her still even though we're both busy rn 💕 and you lot. i thought that i would never get my 100 followers back lmao

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it always goes back to pete. but tom hardy........ tom hardy, oh my goodness.

7. why did you choose your header?

the new spidey suit is so so so fucking fit.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

a fic that's just turned a year a few days ago; “tummy rubs” - 1.3k notes <3

9: how many mutuals do you have?

mutuals who i talk to... 2/3 all the time. but when i'm normally freer than i am now, it goes up to about... er, 15? on another note, i love people who i follow and they follow back. just dk who all of 'em are tbh. you don't expect me to sit here and count them 😭

10. how many followers do you have?

i don't wanna share that but it's not a big deal. 65% less than m's tho lmaoo

11. how many people do you follow?

almost 300. i should try to clear it up but i've done that a lot in the past and recently there's been nothing but good vibes on the dash with everything that i hate filtered out bddjjdb so there's no need ig. i like it now bc it used to be so dead :( better than when i used to follow 700 tho amirite

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

i... don't. not necessarily, no. if you're calling me freaking out over the leaks of the nwh trailer, (which got called out for not being the case), those aren't shitposts. that's me being excited. 😔

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

when i'm on my holidays, hours. otherwise, i take month-long breaks, and pop in once a week or fortnight.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

yeah. not really my fault but no one saw my side tho.

15. how you do feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

when i first started, i was gullible. now, it's bullshit. character development.

16. do you like tag games?

barely ever get tagged. but for the most part, no. i'm not that interesting.

17: do you like ask games?

i get like 2 asks whenever i do it so leave it :(

18: which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

prev post <3 a lot, you're right. everyone's writing is incredible, they all deserve it <3

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

mate i love all of them, i seriously do.

no pressure tagging: the mutuals who i haven't seen being tagged in others? @parkerpeter24 @spideyspeaches and anyone else who wants to do it? maybe i'm blind and i didn't see that you got tagged :( ♡

#tg #i was debating on whether to do it or not :( #thank u tho m . i was so bloody surprised when u tagged me in the morning sbjsnsn #tdl #edit: this was fckn drafted rather than posted 😀 #ALSO WROTE THIS BEFORE 3AM SO IF I SOUND UNHINGED I WAS

[entitleddrysdale]

My first time

Fall break from school. I wish I could say my mother had sent me to Harlan's but unfortunately she had developed some misguided idea that she should throw a party for some of her shareholders and clients. It was sort of a "we have a happy family and I want to rub it in your face" sort of thing disguised as a Thanksgiving celebration to say she was "Thankful" for all they have done or will do. Honestly, I didn't give two fucks at her reasoning. I was 16 and at this point puberty was fucking good to me. I was hoping for some kind of action.

Considering our home was not exactly large enough to handle 25 families that ranged from 3 to 6 members each, My mother had rented a beautifully restored inn that was settled nicely in amongst the trees that was most of the beautiful state of Massachusetts.

Of course my mother had decided that I was to dress how she thought was best. I couldn't argue as she had always wanted us to up to date on our clothes, within reason. It was popular for boys my age to wear skinny jeans and eye liner. That was not acceptable. Of course it wasn't my style. I have always wanted to be dressed in the best attire. The thought of expressing myself through my wardrobe wasn't something that thrilled me.

Its was nearing 5pm when the guests had began arriving and dinner was to be prepared and served by 7. Each family was permitted to stay in the rooms at the inn but it wasn't required. My mother chose the fanciest rooms for us. I wasn't surprised. I had been given my own room to my delight as she said it was bad enough we were all stuck together for a two week period and the fact that I was 16 was enough to drive her batty.

During the greeting and schmoozing part of the early evening, I grew bored as most of the children arriving with their parents were just that. Not one had been even close to over the age of 12. I decided to give the Inn a good and proper look over. I made my way into the lobby, ignoring most and taking a glance at the books to see just how many of these snooty, sparkling rich assholes were planning on staying the weekend.

At the point there were near five families written excluding mine. The Dobrieves in rooms 12 and 14, The Scottsmens in rooms 10 and 11, The Everlies in 3 and 4, The Danes in 6 and 7 and The Belles in 8 and 9. I remember being angry that all of these people decided to stay because I knew each of them had children under the age of 6 except the Belles. I hadn't heard of nor met them before.

I began to look around to spot these newcomers. They must be clients be because mother had never spoken of them. There she was... the only beautiful young woman that would end up having my attention the whole night. My parents weren't pleased of course but I honestly didn't care. My father hated the idea as she was as he said "not the right color" to be my girlfriend.

She had beautiful brown skin that seemed to shimmer in the soft lighting of the Inn. The beautiful purple dress she wore made my heart race. Her face was delicate and her eyes were sad. She seemed to be about as pleased to be around a bunch of white people as they were to be around a family of black people.

I had to introduce myself but suddenly, for the first time in my whole life, I hated who I was. She seemed displeased with the crowd of ugly old white men and their too young wives with the spoiled brats that they spawned. I was spoiled. I was rich. I was white. I needed to be near her, though. I needed to hear her speak.

Holy shit, she is so beautiful, stop staring Ransom, you fuck!

I couldn't take my eyes off her that was until she looked at me. For the first and only time in my life, I lost my entire sense of cool when she noticed me staring and I dashed out the front door, pushing past people dressed like they belonged in the game of Clue. I ran out of the garden and to the wood line wear I proceeded to throw up.

Stupid teenage hormones had gotten the better of me. I stood outside, doing all I could to collect myself. I decided the best way to deal was to occupy myself with something. I chose to rummage through the guests cars and steal anything I could that was pointless so I could blame the staff for it later and plant it on them.

I found a pack of cigarettes, a necklace, a pair of panties (best to leave those and let the missus catch that asshole) and weed. At this point in my life, I had developed a taste for smoking so I kept the cigarettes and the weed for myself. I traipsed off toward the woods once again with a cigarette between my lips but had forgotten a way to light it. I sighed and let my head drop and that was when I heard the sweetest voice. It was her, my beauty. The future Mrs. Drysdale... or at least I thought at the time.

"Need a light?" She asked as I saw her coming from the same direction I had come from. I nodded and she came closer before lighting my cigarette with a rather fancy lighter.

I took a deep inhale and blew the smoke away before gesturing to the cars.

"What were you doing over?"

"Same thing you were. You missed this lighter. Did you find the panties too?"

I nodded with a chuckle. She grinned, "Find anything good?"

I held up the baggie of weed and she smirked.

Dinner had been called and we laughed at each other. I presented her my hand.

"Ransom."

"Dina Belle"

We walked arm in arm backed to the Inn, sharing my cigarette. Once in sight of the front door we tossed the butt and entered. We took our seats and waited for my mother to make her speech and my father to make his horrible jokes. Dina and I couldn't stop looking at one another. All through dinner we would glance at each other, catch the other staring, or smiling.

Once the party was over my parents began to wish people goodnight. I chose to go up to my room and shower. I took a shower, one of which I jerked off in. I was 16, it was the only thing I thought about next to money and snacks. I decided to give my parents the chance to fall asleep before I would set to my night of smoking weed and jerking off. It was little after midnight when I heard a soft knock at my door. I answered it and standing in front of me was Dina. She was wearing a little pair of panties with lacy around the waist and it had peace signs all over the crotch and ass. Her top was a flimsy soft material that had straps that looked like they could fall off her shoulders at any minute. I swallowed hard the realized I was wearing just a thin pair of silk pants.

She pushed passed me and came into my room. I closed the door and turned to look at her. I guess my face was one of fear because she asked if I was going to throw up again. I hate that she saw that but...

We locked my door and went to the window to smoke some weed. We talked for a while and made fun of the people that had attended the party. As I was laughing she leaned over and kissed me. I immediately took advantage of this and pulled her onto my lap. She straddled my thighs and we made out for a long time.

My heart raced when she asked me to "fuck" her hard all night. I won't lie. The first time we did it, I didn't last long, but we spent hours going at it. I even learned how to go down on a girl in the shower just as the sun was coming up.

I saw her again one other time, I was 19 and she was still beautiful and still wanted me. We fucked again for old time's sake but o haven't seen her since.

[holochromatic]

Rules: Answer 11 random questions posted for you. Create 11 new ones and tag 11 people. Let the person who tagged you know that you answered.

i was tagged by the fabulous @spideypnw - thanks, pal!

this got super fucking long, so here's a cut bc i care about your dashes 👈🏻😎👈🏻

1. name top three shows you hands down recommend

the good place, the leftovers, legion

2. if you could live in any cinematic universe, which one would it be and why?

i am and always have been at heart an entirely lazy person, so i think the life of a hobbit would be very fitting for me. they're just so laid-back and their lifestyle seems v. chill and i am into it

3. compared to five years ago, how much do you think you’ve grown as a person?

the only real change that i can think of is that i'm much more educated and aware of social issues than i used to be

4. top five favorite songs at the moment

lol i pretty much just answered this with my previous text post

5. do you believe in ghosts/aliens?

no ghosts, but yes aliens. i don't know if it's necessarily intelligent, but there's gotta be some sort of life out there in the vastness of our universe. i refuse to believe that out of the billions of rocky spheres, only one is capable of supporting life of any kind

6. what is the story behind your first kiss?

okay so i don't really condone my decisions that got me to my first kiss, but... i traveled to vegas to finally meet my ldr boyfriend for his birthday. the part i don't condone is that i traveled to a strange city alone to meet a guy (even though we had been in a ldr for years and it would have had to be a real long con for him to end up as a catfish or a secret murderer or smth), but that's what i did. i was too nervous to kiss him in the airport - he came in for the kiss (that we had both talked about and given consent to prior to my flight) and i ended up turning my head and presenting my cheek instead. (he told me later that he thought that was a death knell for us, poor guy. he had to go to work for four hours right after we got checked in to our hotel and he fully expected me to be gone when he got back.) after he got back, we spent the evening together exploring the casino, having dinner, and watching movies up in our room. we were snuggling during a movie when he asked me why i didn't kiss him at the airport. i explained how i was just too nervous since i'd never kissed anyone before and that i had been overwhelmed by finally being in the same space as him. he asked if he could kiss me then and he did. i was probably too tonguey. it was still nice though

he still makes fun of me for the swerve - i'll go to give him a smooch and he'll act like he's gonna kiss me but then turn and give me his cheek instead. what a jerk 💜

7. what is one character (either books or movies) that you relate to and why?

rae earl from my mad fat diary. yeah, there's some pretty important things about her that we don't have in common, but there are many things that i do relate to. her insecurity about how people perceive her, her body image issues, growing up poor and the various ways that affects your social status/health/happiness, her absolute certainty that she'll never be loved... yeah, that was me at sixteen

8. dream job?

i was trying to become an astronaut for a long time until i realized how inadequate my math skills were :( also the health problems, but even if i were totally healthy, i never would have been able to hack it. so after that the dream was to be a music teacher, and then a communication disorder specialist

9. fuck marry hug- chris pratt, chris hemsworth, and chris evans

fuck: hemsworth

marry: evans

hug: pratt

10. what is something you lost and wish you could find now?

not to get too deep or sad, but... my connection with my dad's side of my family. i haven't seen them since the funeral in '04 and i miss them

11. favorite book and why?

the otherland series by tad williams bc i am always a slut for futuristic techy sci fi. plus it centers on a black woman, though the main group consists of people from all over the world. it's been a while since i've read it and i wasn't nearly as educated about racism the last time i read it, so i don't know if any of the characters contain racist tropes, but i always appreciated the diversity of the main hero group (black, aboriginal austrailian, white, latino, asian, undescribed europeans and one truly mysterious guy, and they're of all ages). the plot is imaginative and takes you through some really fun worlds. it's just really enthralling to me

questions for you:

@bucksies @lokismindtricks @scarlet-widow @thewinterbucky @thatwanderingwriter @killmongrer @bisexualbuckys @reifeli @okaythor @okayloki @ninoxios (no pressure, of course).

1. if you could immediately master one skill, what would you choose?

2. what line from a movie or tv show do you quote the most often?

3. what does your favorite shirt look like?

4. if you could go change one aspect of your past, would you?

5. where would you live, given a choice from anywhere on the planet?

6. what was the best day you’ve had so far?

7. who is your hero?

8. when you’re old, what is the one thing you want to be able to say that you accomplished in your life?

9. why do you ship your top otp?

10. what fandoms do you consider yourself a part of?

11. do you enjoy any sports? either watching or playing, it doesn’t matter

#tag game #about me

[marvelous-imagining]

Lost Years

MASTERLIST

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Epilogue

A/N: If any of you remembered that I first called Ava “Avalyn” in the fist part, I changed it to Ava. I wasn’t supposed to keep that in and only now noticed it… Sorry about that. I had already changed it to Ava on Wattpad when I first posted it so I thought the most logical decision was to just change it to Ava on Tumblr and not add anything. Hope you’re okay with that. Now, I don’t know when part 8 will be up, I have not started writing it yet and I have to get some of the requests done. Let’s see what happens. 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Words: 4,558

Warning: just a whole lotta fluff once again, maybe a dash of angst depending on your take on it

Sitting on a chair next to the hospital bed while holding Bucky’s metal hand in yours, your eyes wandered to Ava who was sleeping on his chest. It was her favorite place to take a nap on. With you, it never seemed to work. Bucky’s was the only chest comfortable enough for her to fall asleep on without a fuss.

Bucky’s fingers ran up and down Ava’s back as he hummed gently, gazing down at his sleeping daughter. A small smile grazed his lips and he sighed happily before turning to you. He noticed you frowning and his own face twisted the same way. “What’s wrong? He asked, squeezing your hand which was lying on top of his on the side of the bed.

You shook your head, keeping your eyes on Ava to avoid looking into Bucky’s blue piercing ones. You felt his hand squeeze yours some more and your lips pursed together.

"I just can’t believe Ava almost lost you,” you said.“I can’t believe I almost lost you again,” you said much quieter but loud enough for Bucky to hear.

“Neither of you are going to lose me, ever,” he tried to assure you. “You need to stop thinking about that. I’m here, I’m well… I’m right here.”

You nodded, sniffling as you blinked away the tears in your eyes. You were sleep deprived, hungry and still quite overwhelmed about Bucky being hospitalized. It was no wonder you were emotional.

Bucky kept quiet as you calmed yourself down. You took a deep breath before looking up at his face, seeing his eyes on yours already. He had a small sad smile on his lips as his thumb drew gentle circles on your skin.

“I’m going to be fine.”

“I know,” you said, attempting to smile. “I just… I haven't—”

“You should get some sleep and grab something to eat.”

You raised a brow. “How did you—”

“Have you forgotten our time together in Bucharest?” He asked with a playful smile. “I know you, Y/N and I know when you’re sleep deprived and haven’t eaten much.”

You smiled, the corners of your lips curling up as your eyes fell down to your intertwined hands again.

“I know you want to make sure I’m fine but you can’t just stop taking care of yourself.”

“I’m a mother,” you chuckled. “ What do expect me to do?”

Although your tone made it seem like you were joking, Bucky didn’t find any humor in your words. He looked rather sad. “I know you’ll always put Ava’s needs before yours but you still need to take care of yourself.”

“I know,” you said. “I was just joking. Of course I take care of myself.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, probably to remind you how it didn’t look like you had been taking care of yourself but you beat him to it. “Alright, I’ll eat something…” You sighed. “Do you want anything?” You asked as you pulled your hand back, ignoring the feeling of emptiness you felt when you let go.

“A sandwich would be nice,” he said while glancing down at Ava who stretched her arms in her sleep. He smiled, leaning down to press a soft kiss on her head.

You smiled before turning the door knob. You opened the door and were about to step out before you heard Bucky call out your name again. You turned to him too see him looking at you, unsure.

“You know we need to talk, right?” He asked.

Your body tensed, your jaw clenched. You nodded, looking him straight in the eye. “I know,” you said quietly. “But let’s leave that until you get out of here, okay?” You asked, practically pleaded.

Bucky nodded. “Of course.”

Bucky glanced down at Ava who had her fingers in her mouth to replace the pacifier she hadn’t taken before falling asleep on his chest. She always fell asleep fast when lying on Bucky. It warmed Bucky’s heart knowing she was so comfortable with him that she could fall asleep instantly.

After hearing the word ‘dada’ come out of Ava’s mouth, he couldn’t help but feel joy. That being one of the first things he had heard after waking up made him so incredibly happy. For a second he couldn’t help but think how it would be to wake up to that every morning. He had started dreaming of waking up, still sleepy, his eyes still closed as he’d hear the door of the bedroom opening, the sound of little footsteps carrying across the floor until he’d feel small hands being placed on is arm. He’d open his eyes with a smile and see Ava next to the bed with the little teddy in her arms and a wide smile on her face. The word “dada” being whispered before she’d attempt to climb on the bed. He’d have to help her out a little and he’d end up spending a couple of minutes just playing with Ava.

He had also imagined you to appear at the door, leaning against the door frame, smiling at Ava and him. He’d stop playing with Ava and just hold her in his arms while she’d keep giggling like she always did. He’d smile at you, wish you a good morning before you’d go over to the bed as well. You’d sit down next to him and give him a quick little kiss, maybe even a remark about his morning breath depending on how playful you were feeling. You’d snuggle up to his side and the three of you would spend some more time in bed before getting ready for the day.

Then suddenly, he had been awakened from his daydream and he heard Ava repeating the wonderful word, “dada” while he heard your voice. He had instantly known you were stressed and he turned his head to see you talking to Steve. And when he had heard the words you chose to describe him, ’the love of my life’ it was enough to make his mind blank, enough to make him forget about everything else for a while.

At first he had thought his mind was playing tricks on him. He blamed it on the fact that he had been asleep for God knows how long but after he had seen the scared look on your face after realizing he had heard you, he knew you had said it.

Now he was lying in bed with Ava in his arms while thinking through what had happened a while back. Right before you had left, he had made sure you knew the two of you needed to talk. He had been needing to talk to you for quite a while. He was not completely sure about your situation. He had tried to talk to you but some things had gotten in the way. Somehow most of those things were related to Tanner who Bucky despised without even really getting to know him.

A part of him was rolling his eyes at his ridiculous jealousy but another part was practically ripping out his hair out of stress and fear of having Tanner butt in and steal you away. The fact that Tanner had made a joke about himself being more of a father than Bucky had just pushed the metal-armed man over the edge. That night, he had pretty much freaked out. What he had done and said really had him regretting not letting you talk. His jealousy and paranoia had taken the best of him.

On the day of the mission, he had been distracted. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much of an ass he had been. He had yelled at you for nothing, he hadn’t let you explain anything… He had been so wrapped up in his fear of losing you and Ava that he had miraculously almost gotten himself to push you further away. Gladly, you hadn’t given up that easily. The day after the little screaming match, you had texted him and asked if he still wanted to go over to your house. He had been quite surprised. A part of him had expected you to avoid him but instead… he had avoided you.

How his mind worked was a mystery to him. He hadn’t wanted to be away from you. He had wanted to drive up to your house, run up the stairs and burst into the apartment. He had wanted to run up to you, apologize for being such an ass and confess his love for you so you could live happily together with the perfect daughter along your side.

But for some reason, he had stayed away. He had gone to the mission although some people had told him maybe he should stay in the quinjet until he was absolutely needed. There had been many close calls and a couple of hits, a few serious ones which lead him to being knocked out for many hours.

He chose not to think about his heroic actions since it could have been a lot worse, worst case scenario was that he could have died. He was just happy to be alive and well even with a couple of wounds, many bruises and some pain around his body. He was happy to be there with you, Ava and his friends.

The door opened and Bucky turned his head, seeing you with a small tray of food. You walked over to the chair beside the bed and set the tray next to Bucky. You raised your hand, placing it on Ava’s arm. You shook her slightly to wake her up. It only made her snuggle up to Bucky even more which caused you to laugh, Bucky joining in.

“Ava, I brought you some food,” you said and this made the little girl lift her head up from her father’s chest. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and sat up, placing her hands on the tray. You handed her a jelly sandwich which she loved and began eating right away. You took some napkins and placed one on her lap and tucked one into the collar of her shirt to prevent a big mess.

“If you ever need to wake her up and she’s putting up a fight,” you started and sat back on your chair, taking a bite of the sandwich you had made for yourself, “Just mention food and she will rise,” you chuckled, raising a hand over your mouth while it was full of food.

Bucky smiled, not saying anything or letting out a laugh. He gently took a hold of Ava and raised her up so he could sit up as well. You helped him out by taking his pillow, fluffing it and placing it behind his back so he had some cushion to rest back on.

“It works like magic,” you continued as you turned your attention back to Ava who was munching away on her sandwich.

Bucky smiled at the trail of jelly on her chin. He grabbed the end of the napkin on her chest and raised it up to wipe away the excess food. She shooed his hand away and continued eating, keeping her hands tightly on the snack.

There was a knock on the door and soon Bruce walked in. He had glasses perched up on his nose as he looked at a folder. “Bucky, everything seems to be fine. We’re ready for you to leave whenever you are.”

Your whole body tensed and you gulped, knowing that meant you and Bucky would finally have to talk. You tried to play it cool and seem as if you weren’t as nervous as you actually were. “Well, you didn’t have to be here for long,” you said with a small chuckle as you turned to Bucky who was already looking at you. He saw right through your exterior, he saw that you were anxious.

“Really? Everything is fine?” Bucky asked after turning to look at Bruce.

“Yes. Well, of course you need to be careful with the bullet wounds but thanks to your regenerative healing factor, those will heal in a matter of days.”

Bucky then nodded, letting out a relieved sigh. “I’d leave right now but…” He trailed off as he tried to reach for the sandwich that Ava had in her hands. She pulled it away from him and screamed, telling Bucky to back off without using any words.

Bruce chuckled Ava’s reaction with you and Bucky joining in soon after. “No rush,” Bruce said and left the room after sending a warm smile to all three of you.

After you were all done eating, you took Ava in your arms to let Bucky stand up on his own. You wiped away the rest of jelly from Ava’s face and threw the napkins away. You saw Bucky grabbing some clean clothes and looked at you. “I’m gonna change, take Ava to her room, I’ll be there in a minute.”

You nodded and walked over to Ava’s room. It still surprised you that she had her own room. She had many toys, not much more than she did at home. The room was bigger, though. It was the same size as the other bedrooms, you assumed.

You set Ava down and went over to the bag you had brought with you when you left home. You opened it and took out some of her toys, one of them being the brown teddy her father had given her. You watched her playing with the toys around the room and took a quick look around the room. It was much bigger than her room back in your apartment. It was definitely made just for her, it had light pink walls and a carpeted floor unlike the other rooms in the building.

As you looked around, you heard someone stopping at the doorway. You looked back and saw Bucky leaning against the door frame. “Can we talk now?” He asked quietly.

You nodded, standing up and following him out of the door. He lead you to the room across the hall and got in, you following right behind. You took a seat on foot of his bed while he took a seat on his desk chair a few feet in front of you. You had a clear view to Ava’s bedroom door so you’d know if she left after getting bored of toys or getting anxious about being alone.

“Where do you want to start?” You asked, moving your gaze back to Bucky.

He shook his head, letting his hair fall over his face.

“How about we start with why you hate Tanner so much?” You suggested.

Bucky scoffed. “That’s where you want to start?” He asked. “Tanner?”

You shrugged. “Well, you seem to have a problem with him and I just want to know why. You always get so worked up about him.”

Bucky muttered angrily under his breath, even the mention of his name got him clenching his fists. “I just can’t stand him.”

“Why?” You asked, crossing your arms. “He’s a good guy, I’m sure you’d like him if you gave him a chance.”

“I just,” Bucky started, sighing. “The night I brought Ava back to the apartment after you had been out with friends… I was,” he stopped, feeling embarrassed for what he was about to confess. “I was ready to come over and talk to you about our situation and if you… wanted to start…. dating? I don’t know…”

You bit back a smile. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted that or not.”

“So I came to your apartment with Ava, ready to ask if you wanted to start something but who did I see? Damn Tanner with his shirt off, abs on full display.” Bucky’s lips formed a thin line and he shuffled awkwardly in his seat. “Can you promise me there is nothing going on with you and Tanner?”

“Yes,” you said very confidently.

“And there never has been?”

“Yes,” you chuckled.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because he’s gay.”

Bucky’s eyes widened and he leaned back on his chair. “He’s what?”

“Gay.”

“As in… happy?”

“No, as in homosexual. He likes men.” You tried to prevent yourself from laughing too hard. “I don’t understand how you didn’t notice, he was obviously flirting with you the first time he saw you. He was practically undressing you with his eyes.”

Bucky was confused, he had no idea Tanner was gay. “Then why did you tell me it wasn’t what it looked like if you thought it was obvious he’s gay?”

“Because I know you, James,” you smiled. “You immediately thought me and him had sex, you always jump into conclusions.” You shook your head. “After you left, he started raving about how hot you were. Kept saying if I didn’t make a move soon, he would.”

“Really?” He asked. “Well, tell him thanks,” he smiled proudly, making you laugh. “I’m still not fond of the guy.”

“Of course.” You nodded understandingly.

“Now… Let’s talk about what you said to Steve.”

You gulped, looking down at your hands that were playing with the hem of your shirt. “Okay,” you answered quietly.

“You called me the love of your life,” he said, making you flinch and want to hide in embarrassment for using such dramatic words. “Did you mean that?”

“Yes,” you answered, closing your eyes so you wouldn’t have to look at him. “Why else would I have said it?”

Silence followed and you lifted your head up and opened your eyes. He was staring at you as if he was thinking about something. He looked at you sitting on the edge of his bed with a small smile, letting his eyes take in every part of you.

“You love me?” He asked carefully.

You nodded. “Very much,” you answered quietly. “Do you love me?”

“I do,” he answered, causing your heart to flutter. “And I have for a long time.”

A smile formed on your face at his words. He stood up and started nearing the bed. You watched closely as he sat down next to you. He began talking again.

“You were so kind when I first met you, you didn’t start treating me differently when you found out who I was, you were never scared or even surprised by this arm,” he said, looking down at his metal limb.

“I was surprised,” you corrected. “I just hid it well.”

Bucky’s smile grew. “You comforted me, you kept me company when I needed it. You always smiled so brightly when you were around me. You touched me so gently but not like you were afraid. You held my hand if you felt like I needed it. You were never afraid of me.”

You took your hand in his and squeezed it gently. Not that he needed that, you just felt like it was the right moment.

“When I finally got to show you how I felt, it just made my feelings for you even stronger. That’s when I realized I loved you, that night we spent together. I just wish I could have stayed long enough to tell you… It broke me to be apart from you. When I finally got out of cryo, I went to look for you and you weren’t there… I thought I had lost you, thought I’d never see you again. But then you were there, in Central Park just sitting on a bench with a friend. I was taken back in time. You looked just as beautiful as you did when I had last seen you if not prettier.”

You felt your cheeks heating up at his words and tried to play it off cool. You shyly looked down at your intertwined hands and smiled, still keeping quiet to let him continue.

“Seeing you brought all these old memories back to me and I started walking up to you but then… I saw Ava.” He stayed quiet for a few seconds, staring out of the open door. “Young, lively, shy little Ava. I recognized those eyes immediately. I had been staring at the mirror so many times, seeing those same eyes staring back at me.”

“They are one beautiful set of eyes,” you said with a breathy laugh.

Bucky shushed you which caused you to laugh some more. “Go on,” you urged him to continue.

“I was so afraid of this new life as a dad but you helped me through the toughest times. Of course there are many more of those times coming up but I’ll be more than happy to be there for her and you. I want to be a part of her life. I want us to be a family. You, me and her, all together. Is that okay with you?”

You nodded, trying to contain your smile as you looked up at him. “I’m more than okay with that. That’s all I want.”

Bucky lifted his hand up to your cheek, brushing a fallen eyelash away from your face and let his hand rest on your skin that was heating up once again. “Good,” he said. “I thought I was going to have to persuade you.”

You shook your head slightly, not hard enough for him to pull his hand away. “Have you ever had to persuade me to do anything?” You asked. “You’ve had me wrapped around your finger ever since you came into my life the first time.”

“Even when you didn’t see me for a few years?”

“Even then. There’s nobody else I want to be with. You ruined dating for me,” you laughed. “I didn’t want anyone but you, I still feel the same way.”

“I’m sure there are people much better than me around there somewhere,” he whispered, leaning in closer. “You could find them if you looked harder.”

“I don’t care,” you whispered back, feeling your nose grazing his. You leaned up, ready to close the remaining distance between the two of you only to hear your daughter call out for you.

“Mama!” Could be heard at first with, “Dada!” following soon after.

You pulled away from Bucky, sighing. You could have already felt yourself being taken back in time as you almost kissed. Your eyes had been closed and suddenly it felt like you were back in Romania, taken back to the night you had first tasted his lips. But as Ava came in, you were pulled back into reality.

“Hey, baby,” you cooed and opened your arms as she ran up to you. “Did you get tired of playing with your toys?” You asked as you lifted her up and set her down on your lap.

She nodded, grasping onto your sweater and playing with your sleeve while leaning back against you. She looked to the side, seeing Bucky and she smiled. “Dada.”

Bucky smiled as well, reaching out to run his knuckles over her chubby cheek. “I’m never going to get tired of hearing that,” he muttered quietly while Ava latched her hands on his metal one. “Say it again,” he said quietly.

“Dada,” Ava repeated like Bucky had asked her to do. This caused you and Bucky to chuckle which only made Ava join in, giggling at your reactions.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and you and Bucky turned to look at the door to see Steve standing there with a small smile on his face. “I was told to come check up on you. How are you doing?”

Bucky smiled and nodded. “I’m great,” he answered. “I really am.”

You were in Ava’s room with her and Bucky, packing up the bag you had taken with you while the other two were playing. You looked over to see Bucky holding Ava in her arms and spinning around. Ava’s laughter seemed like it would never end, it was also contagious. Bucky joined her laughing which made you chuckle as well. As much as you would have wanted to just sit down and look at them having fun, you kept on packing up the bag.

After finishing up with packing, you slung the bag over your shoulder and walked up to Bucky and Ava. You saw him holding his side with a frown etched on his face while holding Ava close to his chest.

“James, you should be resting,” you scolded. “Don’t tear those stitches.”

“It’s fine. They’re gonna heal very soon anyway.”

You shook your head but smiled. You sighed, looking down at he ground. “We should head home.”

Bucky’s face immediately fell. “Oh…” He sighed. “Of course, yeah.”

“You really should rest and having Ava here won’t help that at all.”

Bucky nodded, laughing. “That’s probably true.”

You turned over to the door only to have Bucky wrap his fingers around your wrist and turn you back. “We never got to really finish the talk,” he said. “What are we? What are we going to do now?”

“Why don’t we take it slow?” You asked carefully, surprisingly afraid of his reaction. “You know, let’s ease into this,” you continued while waving your hand back and forth, gesturing to both Bucky and yourself. “See where it goes.”

Bucky’s lips pursed into a thin line but he nodded. “Yeah, of course. We shouldn’t rush into anything.”

“Exactly,” you said with a relieved sigh, glad that he understood where you were coming from. “Just play it safe in case there’s a chance of this falling apart.”

“Are you really afraid this won’t work out?” Bucky asked, harboring a sad look on his face.

You shook your head. “It’s not something I think is a big threat but just in case. We can do this, okay? We just need to go slow.”

“Yes, I know, I understand,” he smiled gently before starting to walk towards the door, walking you out. You waited the elevator to come up to the floor you were in before you turned to Bucky, watching him give a goodbye kiss to Ava before he turned to you. “Well… I’ll see you soon, I guess.”

“You better,” you smiled before stepping closer and hugging him tightly.  You took Ava from him who immediately protested about leaving without her father. Your face fell and you wished either you could stay or Bucky could go home with you. You tried to soothe Ava while her bottom lip started quivering. You got into the elevator and saw Ava looking over at Bucky who also looked very sad. You waved at Bucky as did Ava until the doors closed and you could no longer see him.

Bucky stood outside the elevator, staring at the doors that had just closed. With every fiber of his being, he wanted to run to the doors and rip them off so he could wrap his arms tightly around you and kiss you until he could no longer breathe but he stayed still.

“Let’s take it slow…” He repeated the words you had said to him. “I can do that,” he sighed, turning towards his room again. “I can go slow.”

Although he sounded unsure, he was confident that he could do as you had asked. He could go slow. He also knew it was going to be hard as hell but he’d be able to do it, for you.

“I can do this,” he muttered to himself. “We can do this.”

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