#it's been four sundays and i've cried in church every time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

comeliashawnae · 6 years

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A fictional story Inspired by Logic's 18002738255 music video

So….. I was 18 when I came out… Not really came out, more like my mother walking in on me and my “friend.”

It was 2 weeks before high school graduation, and she was not the first friend I had sleep over.

The day before was so incredibly normal. It was a Saturday, and my friend and I hung out at the mall most of the day. She got some hoop earrings and shoes, I got a couple of shirts and a bracelet. I asked my parents if she could stay over, they said fine.

My parents had no idea I was gay. I wasn’t a girly girl, but I wasn’t a tomboy either. I definitely glammed up when I felt like it. But hair tied, sweats on, with no make up on was also a fav. I’m definitely what you call the in between, I played softball hardcore, but I also loved watching real housewives.

Being an only child I was the best of both worlds for my parents. I was the daughter who loved shoe shopping with mom, and the girl who can watch sports with dad cuz she knows the difference between a field goal and a grand slam. I had a great childhood because of that. I have very loving parents. Still didn’t stop that wow factor though.

After shopping my friend and I got to my house, ordered pizza, watched some movies. Normal things teenage girls do.

We had been some what “dating” but nothing official. She asked where she was sleeping, I told her my bed was fine. I had mastered keeping quiet when friends came over.

My friend and I had started making out once we got to my bedroom. This wasn’t our first kiss, but it was our first time taking it past that. With each other anyway. My room and my parents room were on opposites end of the hall, so a little music helped mask whatever sounds we couldn’t help get out. We went further than either of us expected too, and then fell asleep in each others arms. Was it love, or teenage lust?

Think I’ll go with the second one. Yeah that sounds right, just pure teenage lust. Hormones raging and we just got caught up in the moment. Thats the answer I have for that now, did not have that answer that morning when my mother opened that door.....

Morning came, it was probably 8, sometimes we go to church, but since I had a friend over I figured we weren’t. I was right, I just didn’t think my parents were gonna order breakfast for us. They had woken up early and my dad left to get the food and my mom had come to ask what we wanted.

I was half awake and on fence if I should've woke my friend up before my parents or just wait five more minutes since it was Sunday morning. Should’ve gotten up five minutes earlier. I thought they’d sleep in til 10 and my friend would have had time to get dressed and hide any evidence. But I just laid there in my own world, thinking I could hide forever. I guess that was a sign from the universe to stop hiding. I had no choice when I heard my mother’s voice. When I heard that door open I just knew it was over.

Its like time stood still for those few moments. My mom walked in and said “morning girls” and just paused….

My friend awoke from her deep sleep and just stared at my mom. The look on my mother’s face was…I can't even really describe it.

Stunned. Absolutely stunned.

It felt like she was standing there forever, when it was probably just a few seconds. No words were said, she just shut the door.

I looked at my friend, she looked back at me then turned to grab some clothes. Not really sure if they were hers or mines, just saw her throw on a shirt and pants grab her bags and rush out the door. My mother was still there when my friend opened it. They looked at each other for a second before she bolted to the front door. I was still sitting in my bed when mom looked back at me. I looked at the floor and saw a shirt and shorts. I grabbed them and, keeping myself completely covered as possible, put them on. I didn't look at her the entire time she stood there, I couldn't. I sat there on the edge of the bed and slowly started rocking back and forth with my hands wrapped around myself. I could feel her eyes burning into the top of my head. What was there to say?

Like I said, if my friend wasn't there we would have gone to church. We're not overly religious, and I wasn't doing anything to rebel against religion. We were very involved in the church, we did bake sales, Halloween parties, Christmas plays. We loved our church family. My parents weren't judgmental towards anyone. But still, I didn't know what their reaction would be, and I definitely didn't want them to find out this way.

After what felt like hours of her standing there, she walked back into my room. I was still staring at the floor, rocking back and forth.

"Can you look at me?" She finally said. I slowly raised my head and looked at her. I can't describe the look she gave me, I just know I started crying the second I saw her face. I looked away and just cried. Through the tears I saw her feet come closer to me. I felt her sit down next to me and place her arm around me.

"Sweetie, please stop crying" she said softly. I tried to stop but couldn't. She patted me and pulled me closer. Then I heard my father come in.

"What's wrong?" He asked, standing at my doorway. I finally stopped crying and looked at him. I opened my mouth, but words couldn't come out.

"Our daughter is gay." My mother said simply.

"Really?" He said with just a look. Not of disappointment, more surprise. Yeah he was really, really, surprised.

"Well....ok" he said.

"Yeah" said my mother still patting my shoulder, "Yeah."

"So.....are we going to eat breakfast now or?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm starving" Mom said. She pulled her arm from around me and grabbed my hand. "Come on honey,"

With tears still in my eyes I followed them to the kitchen. We sat at the table and started eating. I still had not said a word. Dad stared for a second, Mom stared, they stared at each other. I just tried eating, even though I had no appetite.

"So," my dad said hitting the table. Mom and I jumped. "Sorry, just a little surprised."

"You're telling me," mom said. I put my fork down and just stared at my plate.

"Look," dad said "We're your parents and we love you. You're the greatest gift your mother has ever given me. You're the greatest gift I've given her. You are our world."

I nodded. Still staring at my plate.

"When did this all start?" Mom asked.

Oh that question had me so scared. I almost cried again.

"Baby don't cry" she said softly. There was a pause. Do they really want to hear the truth or do they want to hear what they think they should hear. Before I could even give myself a real answer the words left my mouth

"At a party when I was 14," I said still looking at my plate. I took a deep breath and finally looked up.

"An older girl started flirting with me. But that wasn't what did it. When I was 11 and everybody was talking about the latest boy bands and I was still looking at the female singers closer than I needed too I knew something wasn't right with me. That party when I was 14 just confirmed it."

"There's nothing wrong with you." mom said. "Like your father said, we're your parents and we love you. No matter who you decide to love."

Still teary-eyed I had a big smile of relief on my face.

"This explains why you never brought a boy over." Said dad. "Which is too bad because I had that all planned in my head the second the doctor said it's a girl."

Mom and I let out some giggles.

"But seriously," he said "No more sleepovers, OK?"

"Yes sir" I said.

"Well, at least we know she'll never get pregnant when she goes to college." Said mom.

"Yeah, so many upsides." Laughed dad. He got up from his chair and hugged me.

"I love you, honey."

"I love you too, daddy."

Two weeks later I graduated high school, a couple of months after that I started college. New city, fresh start, I was finally able to be me.

I guess I'm what you call the lucky one. My parents didn't threaten to kick me out or disown me. They just loved me because I'm their daughter.

I can't believe that was 10 years ago. Here I am now at 28 years old, in a happy relationship. In a happy marriage.

My wife had asked for my parents blessing. My father, proudly, walked me down the aisle. We just adopted our first child, a handsome baby boy. My mother is so happy to be a grandmother and my father is happy to, finally, have a little boy in his life.

I know all stories don't have a happy ending, but I'm hoping mines help someone.

It's still better to come out versus keeping it in. I kept myself in the closet for so long. At 11 years old I knew I was different, but I also knew I needed to keep my mouth shut because I knew it was wrong. From a 11 to 14 I tried to play along, but I just didn't like boys. Then that faithful night a girl kissed me for the first time and that was it. So for four long years I kept every relationship, every girlfriend a secret from parents. Seven years I was never my true self. My teen years were harder because I had such a big secret.

But once they came out. Once I came out, life got better.

For everyone still hiding, it gets better.

#fiction #gaylivesmatter #gaymarriage #lovewins #loveismyreligion #loveislove #writing #writers #fictional story #itgetsbetter #homosexuality #gay #storytelling

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topherfoxtrot · 3 years

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Nosy neighborhood

(or a reflection on the bittersweet nature of nostalgia)

What about a one shot about a tv show I never watched? It sounds fun doesn't it? Well it contains spoilers for the third Webisode of the walking dead called "The Oath" released in 2013. It can be easily found on Vimeo. Trigger warnings include grief and pessimism. Also I wrote this one on first person because I just think first person writing is neat😄

Everyone was gathered in the building that used to be a church. Except from the obvious architecture though you couldn't even tell. Even the beautiful stained glass was mostly gone. And there was no giant wooden cross in sight. Only tables full of food, drinks, and of course the band composed of four singing voices, an acoustic guitar, two saxophones, half a set of drums, a fucking button accordion, a xylophone and a def. Basically every instrument the scavengers could find over the years. Since the world has ended our neighborhood united to form a urban fortress.

I was in a corner with some friends not really interested in the conversation. My eyes scanned the whole place looking for the handsome, tall man with his long blonde straight hair. When I finally spotted Paul grabbing some food I whispered without actually intending to.

"There you are!"

"What?" One of my friends followed my eyes, "Oh my god are you really going after the man?"

"Dude is just introvert!" Another friend rolled his eyes, "That's why he is always in his basement."

"That is simply not true!" I said, "Y'all know how much I hate people, alive or otherwise, and yet I'm always here for our sunday gatherings."

"You know what?" my friend finished her beer before continuing, "Fucking go after him. If it turns out he's just lonely you will get my cleaning shifts for the whole month. And if you find a big secret of his or whatever I'll get yours. How about that?"

"It sounds like a deal!" Me and my friend shook hands with smiles on our faces.

"I can't believe you're going to bother the poor man just because he likes to eat by himself." My other friend shook his head in disapproval before smiling too, "But anyways if you find anything please spill the beans to us!"

"Gotcha!" I winked at them before making my move.

Paul put a lot of food inside an old Tupperware and walked towards the door like he usually did. I moved between the people trying to avoid being seen by him. Paul briefly talked to one or two people before leaving. I left the church a little after, making sure to give him time to step further from the door.

Most of the people were at the church so the streets were empty. I sneaked around corners and alleys and cars like I did so many times outside the walls. I still remember before the outbreak when not everyone needed to be a soldier in order to survive. It's been almost seven years but I still caught myself getting nostalgic sometimes.

I followed Paul for a few blocks. Housing was an issue in our community. Over the years more people started to come and babies started to be born once we reached a certain stability. Paul was one of those people who duo to his efforts towards the community gained the privilege to live on his own instead of in one of the communal houses like I did. He was one of the scavenging teachers after all. And my favorite one, I might add.

Besides being handsome he was also super quiet about anything that didn't concerned the classes. And to become a survivor as good as him you gotta have a past. We asked about it before but he always avoided the topic. This made me even more curious. I've always felt like he was hiding something and tonight I would finally figure out what!

It took a couple minutes for him to reach the big house with two floors and a front yard. Instead of entering the front door though he bypassed the house to enter through the basement door in the back. Paul lives in a basement just like a character from a book I read before the outbreak. Something about a woman watching her neighbours or something. I don't remember the details but I do remember one of the characters lived in a basement like Paul does.

I leaned on the wall and listened carefully as Paul opened the metal doors. After listening to his steps gradually fading as he went downstairs I sneaked into the entrance feeling glad he didn't lock it. I waited there for a while until I was confident Paul was distracted enough not to realize the sounds the doors would make. I opened just one door super slowly and checked every few seconds to see if there was any abrupt movements inside. When I closed the door behind me everything was in darkness expect for the light coming from one of the rooms. My hand instinctively reached for my gun but it wasn't there. I didn't carry my gun inside the walls.

I cursed myself in silence and started to walk downstairs. I wish I could see all the furniture Paul had but I couldn't announce my presence so my only option was to follow the light, which I did swiftly. I could hear a voice but it took me a while to make any sense of it.

"I know you would love those parties they make every Sunday." Paul's voice came from the only room with light, "We even had those back in the day, you remember?" He let out a deep sigh, "I still miss those days. We didn't have much like we do here, but we were happy, weren't we? I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything but I miss that, you know? I miss you, Karina."

There was not a sound to be heard expect for Paul's voice. The easiest explanation was that Paul was probably talking to a portrait ou painting like so many of us do. Death is such a common experience among the survivors. With this conclusion I could leave the house, but I wouldn't be satisfied. I wanted to know more about this Karina woman he was talking to. And about those old days.

I reached the entrance of the room but didn't dare to look inside. Instead I stayed there in silence, all my muscles stiffed. Quietly listening to Paul eating his dinner.

"Dominic talked to me again. You know, about the shifts and all that." Paul chuckled, "I'm not sure if we are just talking or flirting at this point. I know you are as terrible at this as I am but a little help would be good."

Paul chuckled again and a moan was heard. I felt my spine freeze as I obviously recognized the sound. A guttural and tired moan only a walker could make. I finally peeked into the room. There was no bed or beside table or any fortnite whatsoever. Paul was sat on a wooden chair eating his dinner with a fork. The most shocking thing though was the walker. The undead had it's arms tied tightly in a straightjacket. Saliva was falling from her mouth in the most grotesque waterfall I've ever seen. Paying special attention I realized her mouth was toothless. There was almost nothing left of hair in her head and the skin was this unnatural tone of grey. That walker was old. A thick chain kept it near the wall.

"What the fuck?" I whispered in terror.

Faster than I could even register Paul got up and pointed his revolver at me. I put my hands up and froze still.

"It's me! It's me! Please don't shoot."

It didn't seem like Paul would shoot me but he didn't put the gun down either. Instead he looked deep into my eyes. I tried to read him but as usual it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

"What are you doing here?" He asked finally with a deep voice.

"I... I was just-" the truth is that there was nothing to be said. I was there because I wanted to know what was up with him. And now I did.

"You shouldn't be here." He said firmly.

"I k-know!" I stuttered, "But you know what I'm already leaving, actually!"

"No!"

I stayed still. Paul took a deep sigh and finally put his gun down. The silence was only broken by the walker's unnerving sounds. Paul walked across the living room and brought a chair with him. Without saying anything he invited me to the room with the walker. I sat with them. Looking at it made me so uncomfortable all I wanted was to runway from there as fast as I could. Still, I stayed.

"This is Karina." Paul started, "We met in a settlement right after the outbreak."

"She died." I said, "And you couldn't let go of her."

"It's a little more complex than that."

I tried to look into Paul's eyes, but he was facing the ground. Once he was ready, Paul looked up at me.

"We made and oath. We wouldn't abandon each other no matter what. And when would fight for each other. One lives, all live."

Paul lifted hir shirt a little to show a huge scar on his belly. It looked well healed, "Our camp got raided by walkers. Me and Karina were the only survivors. I got this scar as a souvenir. But it looked bad, and I went unconscious for a couple hours."

At this point I kind of realized where this was going. I read Romeo and Juliet back at school. I hate tragedies. Paul lowered his shirt and shifted on his chair a little.

"Karina couldn't face the world on her own. She wanted to end all this pain and suffering."

"Oh no..." I covered my mouth slightly.

Paul tilted his head, "She killed herself. Once I got there it was already too late."

He stayed in silence for a while and I realized there were actual tears dropping from his eyes.

"But we made an oath!" He cried out. "We vowed never to leave each other and that's what I did!" He said even louder. The tears cleaning his face. "That's what I did-!!"

He choked on his own tears and couldn't say anything else. Paul just buried his face on his hands and cried while the walker (or should I say Karina?) moaned quietly in it's never ending hunger.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, no knowing what to say.

Paul got up still facing the ground. I quickly got up too and hugged him. He was taller than me so he had to bend a little to hug me back. That made his weight fall upon me. I had to stiff my legs in order not to simply fall down. But I carried him. He kept crying louder and louder. The walker got agitated but it didn't left it's place due to the restrains. I closed my eyes shut wishing with all of me for this to be over. Not Paul or the walker. Just everything else.

Pain and suffering left a scar on everyone. And I couldn't help but think, clouded by my own nostalgia, how much better things were before.

#the walking dead #the oath #Wyatt Russell #FoxtrotFanfic

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slayingallthesewomenwithmypeen · 5 years

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[Title in the Works] - 01

;hey guys! this is for a story I'm writing, and it's something I've had in mind for almost a year now, so I've decided to share the first chapter! i hope you enjoy. if you have any title suggestions please don't hesitate to share.

thank you all!

-Daisy💕

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

This chapter includes violent themes and driving while intoxicated.

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April 12th, 1987

__________

If you were to ask where people usually are on a Sunday night in Boston, they'd almost all unanimously reply with watching the Bruins.

If not then they likely had something better to do.

But based on the rumbling and roaring of the crowd in the small pub downtown Boston, that didn't seem to be the case.

Cheering ran throughout the large room as a hockey game played on four different T.Vs, with men and women gathering around them to cheer for their boys in yellow and boo at Montreal aggressively.

Granted about half the crowd was completely wasted.

Waitresses walked around the establishment with tray-fulls of cheap beer to hand out to the customers as they continued to yell at the game, some getting mad as the people on the screen didn't do what they had yelled at them for the past half hour to do.

Eyeing one of the waitresses from the bar was Kate, the one with the more blonde in her hair, and her skin bearing a fairer complexion compared to her friend.

A cat-like look danced in her eyes as she scanned the crowd, then at the Bruins who weren't doing so hot.

She chuckled to herself.

Next to her, paying no mind to the waitresses (or let alone the game) like her friend was Phoebe.

She instead idly stirred her mixed drink with the tiny black straw that came with it.

Phoebe had noticeably tanner, freckled skin, sporting ginger hair and grey eyes.

Sitting next to Kate, the two did not at all seem like friends if one were to guess.

Kate twirled around on her barstool and faced her friend, smiling, "I knew the Bruins were gonna lose. Now that fat guy in the Hawaiian shirt over there owes me $50."

Phoebe didn't seem to have any reaction towards her friend's statement, continuing to stir the drink and staring blankly at it.

Her friend raised a brow, clearly understanding how out of character her ginger pal was and reached over to pluck the straw from her hand.

"I think the Alabama Slammer's mixed enough dude." Kate commented.

Phoebe looked up at her, seeming to snap out of the trance, "Sorry..." she apologized quickly, "I guess I'm just not feeling it tonight."

Kate leaned on her hand as she looked at her friend, "Feels weird being back here, huh?"

The ginger nodded, "Little bit." she said silently as she sipped her drink, "At least I haven't bumped into them yet."

"What, your parents?" Kate asked, scrunching her brows as she glanced around the bar, "Your blue-collared folks in this shithole?"

She shrugged, "You never know."

"Yeah, but from what you've told me about them they wouldn't even piss in the toilets in a place like this." Kate replied, a swig of her beer following her words, "So I wouldn't worry."

"I wouldn't really say I'm worried," Phoebe replied, "It's just weird."

The blonde sighed, "Just relax man. S'not like they're forming some kind of witch hunt for you still even after all this time."

Phoebe stayed silent for a moment, letting the cries of the hockey fans drown out her unspoken reply.

Kate rolled her eyes and nudged her shoulder, "C'mon, I'm gonna get my 50 first from the Pillsbury dough-boy over there and then we can bounce. Just go wait in the car."

Kate tossed the keys at Phoebe, who caught them with her two hands and nodded in reply.

She got up and walked out of the bar, the parking lot surprisingly enough being barren despite the large crowd of people inside.

Phoebe got to their 1978 Ford Mustang and unlocked the car.

She got into the front seat, slamming the door next to her shut, and threw the keys onto the dashboard.

Though she tried, she just couldn't shake the awkward feeling of being home back so easily as Kate had tried to.

Her parents may not enjoy places like these as she may, but that doesn't mean the people here don't talk to one another.

Especially since Phoebe's father was a pastor of one of the largest churches in the city.

The thought of that by itself made her head cloud from the embarrassment.

Nothing would make a juicy story for every ear in this drunken city like hearing the pastor's daughter running around town making a fool of herself.

'Great.' she muttered in her head, 'As if me ditching hadn't made things worse before.'

Interrupting her silent scolding was laughter, and footsteps that sounded like running towards the car.

Phoebe turned around and looked out of the back window of the car to see Kate with a handful of cash and a wild grin plastered onto her face as the man in the Hawaiian shirt chased after her along with a buddy of his.

The second man, based on what she could get a glimpse of in the dark, had such a shiny bald head she wouldn't have been surprise if he had a marble where a skull would've been.

The fat man's mouth was covered in blood, his expression was one of pure anger.

His pace- while still fast- wasn't fast enough for Kate as she made it to the car in time, and quickly got into the driver's seat.

She threw the cash onto the dash, grabbing the keys and starting the car, her laughter subsiding as she caught her breath.

Phoebe hadn't had the time to even ask what had happened yet as Kate whipped out of the parking lot with a sharp turn and hit the gas.

The mens yelling and cursing in the background faded when they started going farther down the road.

Phoebe glanced at Kate, who looked at her as if she had just experienced a glorious high.

"Dickhead over there said he knew your dad," she explained, a pit in Phoebe's stomach already forming from the guilt, "He said he'd tell him he saw our plate unless I gave him a little something. Told him no, he tried to grab me, and so I broke his tooth and took whatever was in his wallet."

Kate had described the whole ordeal in a tone where she acts as this happens to her on a daily.

Which frankly, Kate getting into fights wasn't something out of the ordinary for the two of them to go through.

Phoebe chuckled nervously, her anxiety worsening, "Shit, he saw our plates?"

"Don't worry," Kate assured nonchalantly with a giggle, "We can always switch em."

Phoebe could feel her organs sinking into a pit, "How did he even recognize me?"

"Hell if I know."

The ginger turned to Kate, looking at her overall demeanor as her friend swerved a little on the road.

"Kate..." Phoebe reached over and put her hand on the wheel to guide the car in a safer way, "Dude you're drunk off your ass. Let me drive."

Kate blew a raspberry, "I'm not drunk'" she objected, smacking Phoebe's hand away, "I can drive just fine, don't be such a worry-wart."

Phoebe was just about to object when her eyes darted over towards the road for a second and saw a person crossing the street.

"Kate- KATE-" she cried as the car drew closer to the person, "Pump the breaks someone is crossing!"

Kate squinted at the road, her head nodding a little shakily, "I don't see anyone-"

"STOP THE CAR KATE STOP THE CAR-"

Phoebe pushed herself over towards the drivers' side and slammed her foot onto the break.

The tires squealed on the road, twisting and turning as Kate drunkenly tried to hold the wheel still.

Which was about as beneficial as a duck doing taxes.

Phoebe yelped as she felt the car stop, a loud thud from the front following after.

Her eyes were shut closed, shaking as she still stood with her feet on the brake pedal.

"Holy shit." Kate murmured, her feet sliding off of the gas and staring ahead from the window.

Phoebe slowly opened her eyes, her breathing quickened as she quickly got out of the car from the shotgun's side and made her way towards the front.

Her eyes widened in horror, her hands reached up to clamp over her mouth as she rushed over to the body.

A young man laid before the car, his dark brown hair held down with a bit of blood and sweat.

He wore a grey shirt and a blue jacket, both of which were covered in some leaves and mud.

She knelt down towards him, freezing for a second as she wasn't sure on what to do, but then immediately checked his neck for a pulse.

"Is he breathing?"

Kate called as she got out of the car, looking over at Phoebe and the body.

"Oh my god."

"What?"

"He's still alive!"

"What?" Kate asked, surprised by him not kicking the bucket due to getting hit by a car, "No way...props to him."

"We gotta take him to the hospital," Phoebe said hurriedly, "He needs an ambulance- call 911!"

"Yeah, you try explaining to the doctors that you hit some homeless guy with your car."

Phoebe glared at her, "It's not my car! It's yours! You drove!"

"I could've been drunk and you would've had to drive me home. Don't lie and say you can't smell the whiskey on me."

Phoebe was absolutely appalled.

"Why can't we just tell the truth for once?!" she demanded, their current situation making her more stressed than ever, "Damn it, Kate, he could be dying!"

"Okay, one," Kate responded, definitely much calmer than Phoebe, "You think that me driving drunk is gonna make this situation better for the cops? You really want your parents to find out after all this time ignoring them, you got arrested for attempted murder?"

Phoebe didn't answer, she didn't even look at Kate, she just continued to have her hand on his pulse as reassurance that he's okay.

"...Two," she continued, "He'll be fine. Let's just go back to our motel. We'll put him on ice, I'll call a guy, we let him rest so we can avoid this whole mess."

"And what if he doesn't get better?" Phoebe shot a glare at her friend, questioning her morals.

Kate shrugged, "I got a shovel in the back."

Her eyes grew big, "Jesus Christ, Kate!"

"He'll get better!" she said a little louder, pinching the bridge of her nose, "Fuck sake, just help me get him into the backseat."

#ocs #story #my story #oc #original characters #original character #tw: alcohol #tw: alchohol mention #tw: attempted murder

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