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candycorncandle · 2 years

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Love Letter to my Friends

Tw- life stuff? Not suicide but like depressiony shit

I've not been on here and that's not okay and it is. Its not okay in the way that I miss yall and miss talking to you and sending memes. But I've also been v busy. Read this, don't but either way.

Do you ever get think about the friends you've made online and how some of them you'll never meet or see again because they have gone inactive and it scares the living shit out of me. I may have never met yall but you guys are my friends and it fucking pains me that I'll never be able to show up on ur doorsteps with McDonald's and watch a movie or like even put flowers on ur hair when we go on walks or shit.

Timeline-

May 15th- last day at my favorite job. We all, there was about 75 of us. We all had made big plans to move to that city and were getting cars and drivers licenses in order to get to said job. We found out two weeks before that my company at that time had lost the contract. I was a cook in a college building cooking for students in a 50s themed diner. It had multiple restaurants in the same building so I was one of the ones they crosstrained so I was in about every one of the 8 concepts they had. I loved it. No cap on overtime, I was treated good. The university kicked us out because the contract price was too expensive and they found a cheaper competitor. I was one of the last 4 people to leave the building that day, I walked out with four of my friends (technically bf too)

May 15 to June 1st- didn't have a job lined up. Losing the jobs threw everyone off. Word cam in that a close university also run by my company could take us in. Fine. It was an hour and a half away. So,, being from the same small ass town my and my bf decided to move for that job at the new college.

New college was opening a jersey mikes. It's a sub sandwich shop. They take three of us from the first college job and send us through manager training at a training store. Also sends an employee from the new college.

We didn't last two weeks before we all walked out. Shitty management, forced customer interaction (which, is what food service is but this took it to a whole new level), the place was disgusting. The employees at the jm were doing crack and shots in the back because they ALL are dead inside and I firmly believe that jm caused a good portion of that.

July 10- was my last day of jm i couldnt take it anymore. I had multiple breakdowns and had one as a clocked out for the last time. I remember just turning to go hop back on the sandwich making station and this sense of dread just filled me and I knew I could not stay there.

I was the second on out. My bf lasted for four more weeks after I quit. My work bestie lasted through training but left two days ago. The manager over all of us quit last week because the stress from this deal put him in the hospital.

And the fuck of it all was,, a higher up in the company made a shady deal with the jm owner for that region and that's why we weren't pulled. Another coworker had walked out the first week and that's when the very high ups said pull them jersey mikes is done at this place. But then the deal guy said no, I don't care if it kills you you are my employees, you do what I say.

July 24th- when is started my current job. I work as a cook at a golf course. I like it. It's nice and isn't like super fast paced like the first college job was.

August 1st- moved to the big city. Starts with a C in a Midwest state I'll let you guess there's not many. Live my new apartment and get started on a new antidepressant because my previous one had stopped working during jersey mikes training.

August 7th - 23rd, had about 10 interviews because I was not sure about the golf job.

August 26th - Sep 11th, my cat was in the vet hospital. Took them some time to figure out what was wrong but he has feline ibs and is allergic to protien. His bilirubin was 11, it's supposed to be 0.5. He was looking scraggly but he's doing so much better now.

He was so yellow. He's not now but he has earned the nickname highlighter boy. He's doing better now and has to be tube fed for another week or so but he's better.

September 7th- goes back to my first college job now that another company has taken it over. My entire crew is back as well.

September 9th- quits my old/new job because I can't make the drive anymore. It's exactly what I was doing from Indiana to the place, just now I'm in another state. It sucked so much because my crew was back and we all worked so well together.

Now- Happy with my job. They are firing this one worst worker there. Since it's a small kitchen there's only 4 cooks and she's a bitch. The worst. She's going to be gone soon so that is super great. As of right now I'm printing off some planner pages that I'm going to laminate and hopefully that will help me get my life in order.

My bf quit vaping, his dog is getting neutered sometime soon and that's good bc the dog does NOT have manners. Theres no overtime at my job now so it's let me have more at home time which is something I did not take for the past year since I always had overtime opportunities. I like decorating my apartment and cooking. I'm cooking more now! Im so happy for myself, as it's something I haven't done for a very long time due to the spicy sadnesses.

I'm going to pharmacy tech school starting this November. I'm excited to learn about that because I've known for awhile I've needed to get out of food before it breaks my body down.

Thank you for reading this I love you all.

-Gosh DAMG IT. I had more paragraphs here but tumblr is stupid and deleted them let's see if I'll rewrite them bc I'm not going to tonight I've been here at the printer for 3 hours now.

@slothspaghettiwrites @tiredmoonlight @bitchassbucky @ghostydeans @littlelioncub43 @loki-hargreeves @kim-monsterlings @munsonsmuse @earth2bucky

#moongobliny thoughts #moongoblin moots

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rezilient-m3 · 2 years

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Aug 2

Been a long time. I didn't want to update till I had something to update about, but I'm sitting here on night shift, tired asf. Lol.

S is the guy I was complaining about in the previous post. It's still weird. I get so upset, or have been, but when he comes back, I'm back "in like" with him. Lol. Geez. We go weeks sometimes without seeing each other, but speak more often. His bday was on the 23rd of July. Days before that I msged him and he didn't open it, I thought whatever, he must be busy. Then seen him at the casino that night. I seen him see me, then act like he didn't and walked thee other way. I was upset about that (today I realized I might have over reacted lol). But I didn't talk to him there. I did my own thing. Weird thing about that was, he never opened that msg (it was on snap). I just feel he must have felt stupid a out it and didn't know how to handle it. 3 days go by and it's Friday, day before his bday. I replied with "Do I know you?" But he laughed it off, and so did I. I said hbday. I didn't see him his bday cuz he went golfing with his sisters, then worked at 5 to 1am. Next day is when I start my shifts (Sun-Thurs, I'll come back to this). So, before I was done at 2pm, I tell him I'm going to bring him a coffee. I went buy a cupcake and a candle to surprise him cuz he never got a cake. It was cute. He was tickled. I almost chickened out cuz it felt lame lol. Anyways, the Frday night, when his bday was at midnight, he mentioned he wanted 35 kisses. So, before I left him, he asked where his kisses were. I kissed him on both cheeks then the lips. That was our first kiss.

We hung out once, again since, but still act like we don't know what we're doing lol. It's so dumb. We're on opposite schedules though, so it makes it difficult. Plus, I know we both want to ask to hang out, but we never do. Lol. So, I'm just being patient. Not really giving other men the time of day. Being loyal when I'm not even in a relationship yet lol. But he's cute. And really genuine, I'm pretty sure.

Anyways, about work. I went to a career fair May 5th, right after graduating. (Grad day was great!) Gave my resume that day. Got an interview May 17th. Offered the job June 7th, and officially started July 5th. That whole ass process took me two months. That was stressful. Anyways, I work Sun to Thurs, on rotations (6am-2pm, 2-10, and 10-6am). This week are nights. It's not bad. I'm in an emergency home that houses 15 kids in care. 3 groups of siblings and two singles, all ages from 1-11. Think it's meant for 0-12. I just do whatever I'm told. Mostly it's just babysitting and cleaning.

I feel like this isn't my calling tho. I've mentioned that I am meant for something big. Something to make a difference in this lifetime. So, I applied for social work to a university in the city. I got accepted, and I registered for my classes, but haven't heard about the funding yet. (My dad is an important man in our reserve and said that he'd talk to the chief and tell them to fund me. Talk about nepotism. Sorry, kinda.)

The big thing I thought about was, maybe it's working with families. In the beginning of my educational career, I thought of working with kids to try redirect them from a life of adversity might get them. Give them advice and be that positive influence. That's what I wanted, but I don't feel like I can do that here. So, I went back to the thought of helping mothers and fathers, or any care givers, to try bring back that "it takes a village" mentality.

I don't know if people have been keeping up with my story, but I have mentioned my personal story about this. In my counseling sessions I talked to my therapist about how it was for me being a young 19 year old mom, out on her own (with my pos bf at the time). I talked about how guilty I felt about not doing the things I should have been doing for my 1st son, who was just a baby. Then, for not raising my girls when they were with their dad. Then she told me about how long ago, in our culture, everyone had a village. Every child was taken care of by a community. We all know that by history. But it's so beautiful to read about. And she said that even though it was my choices that have led to those things happening, that I shouldn't take all of the blame for it. Meaning, I did not have a village. I didn't have anyone to guide me, or lean on, or to just be there when I was struggling. So, I shouldn't blame myself for all of it. And it only mattered to what I was accomplishing now. I have good relationships with my kids, I am sober and I am doing my best to give them a good life. Proud.

Now, as for this village concept, people everywhere should have this. Too many people are left to their own device's, trying to navigate through their addictions, while not learning the proper ways to raise these children. Which might land these kids in homes like these. Everyone needs to feel loved, unjudged, belonged, and accepted. Why can't we have that kind of community everywhere? I want to try. Seems like hard work, but if I at least reach as much people as I can and change this for them, then I'd be happy. So, I'm going to get that degree.!

Idk what else... Alex went to BC with our son. They were gone for over 2 weeks. They got home 2 days ago. We're still ok now. I think. I didn't do anything with my lawyer regarding custody or taking half his possessions lol. Still contemplating.

As for James and the girls' court. That's on Sept 9th. I need 5k to give to the same lawyer to help me to change the order, but I don't have that kind of money, and running out of time to get it. Makes me nervous and stresses me out. Cuz if he walks away from those charges, he can bring a cop to our house and take the girls. Cuz last court order is still the same from the last time we've been in court, and says I only have them for every second weekend, and he is primary caregiver with the decision making. Rank. I hate that. And need to figure this out soon.

There's my current events in a nut shell. I wish it were more interesting for y'all lol. But I'm done. And tired.

#allofme #thisisme #goingplaces #prayforus

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sashi-ya · 3 years

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Hi ! Can i have n°5, 16 and 17 for Mihawk and à F! S/o please ?

Take care and thanks for the event !🤗

Hi! Of course!! I hope you enjoy this OS ♥ Thanks for your request! 💖 ~

NSFW ~ Dracule Mihawk x F! S/O ~ Rough Sex

Kinks:

🌶 #5: Hair pulling. 🌶 #16: Impact play 🌶 #17: Rough sex

TW: NSFW. Oral sex. Spanking. Hair pulling. Vaginal sex. Rough sex.

WC: 1.9K

After losing the Shichibukai title, you and Mihawk have been struggling to come back to the usual pirate life. You two were kind of used to the tranquility of the Castle, but since the stupid government and the marines change their mind about the Shichibukai system, everything changed.

Of course the Marine couldn’t defeat your dear husband, they ain’t shit against him, but still, they have become a pain in the ass while you two navigate over the big Grand Line.

Sex life has been left aside the last months as you two are still trying to get used to living on your new ship, and because your crew consists just in two people, Mihawk and you, he usually is awake the whole night on guard, in case someone decide to attack you.

But today is different…

“Ah… July 7th… our anniversary”, you think while opening your eyes as some sun rays hit your eyes, leaking through the porthole of your room. The sound of heavy waves and some seagulls squeaking outside softly lulls you back to sleep.

“Honey, wake up”, your husband's voice resonates in your head while you are gently shaken to wake up. You open your eyes, to see your tired lover with a wooden tray in his hands. The smell of fresh coffee invades your nose, and you smile lazily. Mihawk has brought you breakfast in bed, as he used to do in the castle…

“Hi… thank you…” you say as you sit on bed. “Happy anniversary, honey”, the swordsman tells you while kissing you and placing the tray over the bed next to you. “Happy anniversary, my darling”, you tell him.

“You see, tonight we will be arriving on a desert island. Well, at least that’s what Shanks has told me. So, hopefully if it is still like this, we could dock the ship and have our feet on land for at least a day, what do you think?”, he says optimistically. And that sounds amazing for you, even if you love to navigate, you’ve been wanting to put your feet on the mainland for some weeks now.

The day goes by, the sun is slowly setting on the horizon. You have crawled to the Crow’s nest to see if there is indeed that island your husband told you about this morning. You’ve been thinking about possible ways to make your husband feel better, especially if you are going to be alone on a desert island…

“Babe, Babe!!, I see it!! The island!!”, you shout from up there while your binoculars show a little island on the far. “Good!!”, he says and sets the curse directly there.

The island looks like a tropical one, on the warm side and thankfully deserted. You two descend from your ship over the coast, and even Mihawk who is usually really serious, smiles widely.

“Ahh babe, look, this place is amazing! The sand looks pink!!”, you say excited, noticing the different pinkish tones the sand under your feet seems to have. “It certainly does” says your husband inspecting the floor.

The swordsman and you work hard into mounting the camping. A little tent big enough for you two to sleep, some blankets on the sand to sit, and a bonfire ready to be used for cooking. You’ve been planning a little surprise for the anniversary the whole day, so you tell him to wait for you on the coast while you go pick some things up from the ship’s kitchen.

Quickly you took a bath and put on some vanilla lotion he loves, a cute red baby doll you’ve been wanting to use since your last days at the castle -damn marines-, and some black stockings. Of course you cover up the little surprise with a long white maxi-dress and tie your hair in a loose ponytail you know he really likes.

You grab a little basket and put inside a bottle of his favourite red wine you’ve been saving during the last months for a special occasion and some kitchen supplies.

When you descend your ship, you see your husband wearing only his grey pants rolled up over his ankles, no shirt at all, grilling some fishes over the bonfire. “Damn you, Dracule Mihawk. You are so damn hot” you whisper as you walk towards him.

He notices your presence and looks at you, fixing his intense golden eyes on yours. His powerful gaze travels your whole body up and down, as if he already knew what you are “hiding”. Some drops of sweat fall over his neck and chest because of the fire. “Are you hot babe?”, you ask him with clear two fold aim in those words.

“A little bit”, he says, brushing his neck and chest with his hand to wipe the sweat away. You can’t help but bite your lower lip. “The fishes are almost ready”, he informs you and you start preparing the plates and the cups.

Once dinner is served, you take off the wine from the basket and begin to pour it on the glasses. Your husband smiles gladly at the surprise. It’s been a lot since he could enjoy drinking a glass of wine in peace with you sitting over his lap.

“Come here, babe”, he asks, patting on his lap. You crawl moving like a cat and finally sit over his legs. Your head placed over his naked torso, your hair brushing over his chest. The scent of his skin mixed with the exquisite red wine makes you feel in heaven.

The swordsman brushes his hand over your shoulder, making the strap of your dress slide off slowly. He is surprised to discover the lace of your baby doll peeking through the neckline of your clothes. “Honey…?”, he asks while his fingers gently caress the skin of your chest and the red lace of the lingerie. “Happy anniversary…”, you say, winking an eye, and then kissing his muscular neck, sexily.

Mihawk gasps, and he does not hesitate for a second. Suddenly his fingers are all tangled up around your hair, pulling your head back, exposing to him your soft neck. His golden irises pierce yours and you can see the fire already burning inside of him. He attacks your flesh, biting, licking, and kissing your neck and collarbones.

Once he is satisfied with the taste of your skin, he tells you to stand up with a firm tone you have been missing… At this point your dress covers your pelvis and legs and you have it stuck around your hip bones. “Take it off for me”, he asks.

Your body dances while slowly letting the dress completely slide off. He discovers your stockings, softly squeezing the skin of your thighs. Your husband who until now was sitting over the blankets on the sand - with a big noticeable bulge growing on his groin- stands up and walks steadily towards you. His nose pressed against yours, his body too. His right hand grabbing you by your hair, his left hand traveling from your breasts to your ass.

Both of you smile, with a sexy grin, and lustful eyes. Mihawk spanks you once and directs your head to his lips. His tongue invades your mouth, you taste the delightful wine off his mouth. His bulge pressed against your core; both of your breathings accelerated.

“Turn around”, he orders you with his lips still pressed over yours. And you do as he tells. His hands caress your shoulders, while he places a soft kiss over your nape. His skilful fingers travel through your back until your waist. His left hand once again brushes from your back of your head, making you bend forward your torso a little and your ass pressed really tight against his growing sex.

“I can finally fuck you like I want, honey”, he says with a soft voice, while his strong arm got you well trapped and the other one is putting aside your panties. “So wet, babe”, he says as he slides his fingers from your entrance to your clit. And then, another spank. And another. Your ass cheeks became completely red and sore.

You are suddenly pushed down. Your knees pressed over the sand, it hurts, but you like that. He hasn’t been rough in a long, long time, and you love it.

Mihawk stands in front of you, you look at him with sloppy eyelids, biting your lower lip. You already know what’s next, so you stick your tongue out ready to receive his hard member up to your throat. And oh girl, he does.

His fingers tangled on your hair, moving your head, mercilessly fucking your mouth. Tears running through the corners of your eyes to your cheeks. Gagging sounds that sent your lover to heaven. His other hand squeezes your breasts hard. Your hands play with his sack, and you want him to cum so hard over you. And of course, he does, with your gaze fixed on his, and a primal grunt. The sweet product of his climax ends all over your chest, and even over your thighs.

He takes no more than two minutes to recover and pushes you so your back falls over the blankets on the sand, next to the scolding bonfire. “Touch yourself for me”, he encourages. You spread your legs enough to make your cunt visible to him, and your hand travels from your stomach to your groin.

Your fingers get damp in your arousal liquids, tracing circles around your clit. Moaning and whining, you keep doing it wishing your husband would fuck you already. But he enjoys your image, and what's more he enjoys your inevitable begging.

“Honey, come fuck me, please”, you whine. “Keep begging me”, he tells you with a shit eating grin. “Please, I want you inside”, you beg him while you keep masturbating. “Fine, my little bitch in heat”, he tells you and pounces over you.

A classic missionary turns into the best sex ever with him, and oh Lord, your eyes roll back when his dick penetrates you, real deep. Violent thrusts, your left leg over his shoulders, and his right hand pressing your neck. His hips move wonderfully in and out of you, he is one of the strongest pirates over the whole world, and that shows perfectly in all of his skills.

And when you are about to come, Mihawk turns you around. He sits over your thighs, while his arms snake around your lower stomach, making your ass lift up. He penetrates your sex, squeezing the sides of your hips, probably letting marks all over the skin. Once again brute thrusts, and spanks on your butt with his whole palm. “I want to make them so red, baby”, he tells you. “Yes, daddy”, you mumble.

And after no more than minutes, you come, trembling, squirming, whining and full of his warm seed. Mihawk falls over your back, while your breathing returns back to normal. Your lover places wet kisses on the side of your mouth and neck, and then turns you around, so your head rests over his chest.

“I love you; you know that?”, he tells you while brushing your hair with his fingers. “I know, I love you too. Happy anniversary…”.

“What if we stay on this island a few days more, you know?”, Mihawk says, kissing the crown of your head. “Oh yes. Please, honey” ♥ ~

#dracule mihawk #hawkeye mihawk #mihawk x you #mihawk x reader #one piece mihawk #op mihawk #mihawk imagine #n.s.f.w.#one piece fanfiction #one piece x you #one piece x reader #one piece x y/n #one piece x oc #sashi ya #spicy week event #shichibukai

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maylovexhs · 4 years

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everytime - LOVE IS A WILD THING (Chp. 27)

Author’s Note: The last chapter of July everytime month. All I gotta say is, get ready for a roller coaster for what I have planned next. Enjoy this chapter in the meantime -May

Catch up on everytime here

August 28th, 2019.

I’m not in love with Y/N. I’m not. What I felt two days ago was just out of sympathy. She was in pain and I felt sorry for her and that was it. There was nothing more to it. Besides, my heart jolted for other times before. Nothing came of that either. I didn’t have any deeper feelings for her after and I don’t now. We are just two friends who casually have heart stringed conversations. We are just friends.

Y/N’s a friend. She will always be a friend.

“There you are!” Y/N said, walking towards us in the hallway. “For a second, I thought security stopped you”

My mother greeted Y/N with a hug.

“Oh, darling. You look absolutely gorgeous” My mother said, complimenting Y/N on her red stage outfit.

“Thank you” Y/N said. “It’s special for tonight”

“Let me guess. . .” I said. “McQueen?”

“Actually, it’s David Koma” Y/N said. “But close enough”

“We wanted to come earlier but Harry got a bit held up” My mother said.

In my defense, I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t in love with Y/N but I won’t say anything.

“Oh, it’s no worry” Y/N said. “You missed nothing really. Just Adrian putting my hair up in space buns”

“You look good with them” I told her.

“Thanks” Y/N said, lightly touching one space bun of hers. “I was about to go watch Kim Petras open. Do you-“

“Oh, we would love to watch” My mother said, not giving me a choice. “Do you mind if I get something to drink first?”

“Oh, of course!” I said to her. “I have cold water in my dressing room if you want. I could get it for you”

“Or I’ll just get it” I offered. “I’ve been here before. I know this place inside and out”

“You don’t have to do that, H” Y/N said to me. “It’s my show. I’ll take care of it”

“Water’s good? Or do you want something else?”

“Water’s alright, darling” My mother said.

Y/N nodded. I watched her walk away and down the hall, entering a door. I looked to my mother, feeling her staring at me.

“What?” I asked her.

“Oh, nothing, nothing” My mother said, lying. “It’s just . . .When did we meet Y/N? Wasn’t it backstage at the-“

“Brits?” I answered for her.

“Ah, yes” My mother said, remembering. “You introduced us. You invited her to a party after, right?”

“Mhmm” I nodded. “Didn’t think she would have come if Nick wasn’t there”

My mother smiled to herself, as if she was keeping a secret.

“I could never forget the look on your face when you saw her” My mother said. “Completely mesmerized by her”

“I was not” I said, crossing my arms. “I was nervous. She was a big thing before as she is now”

“I know but this was different” My mother said. “I’ve never seen you look at any other girl before like her”

I bit my lip, hoping for my mother to change the topic before I had to.

“Almost love at first sight” My mother said. “Couldn’t mistake that look for anything else”

“Mom, I already said I’m not in love with Y/N” I told her. “I’m not going through this conversation again”

“Alright, alright” My mother said, giving up. “I was just remembering that night. We are in the same place after all. It’s been six years, haven’t it?”

“Yup” I said. “Six years”

“But that’s not when you met her?” My mother asked me. “You met her before I did, didn’t you?”

I did. I did for a quick moment before the Brits. It was 2012, when I was with Taylor. It was after a concert - The Jingle Ball. Taylor performed and I did too with the boys. I remember standing outside Taylor’s dressing room when I first saw Y/N. Y/N with her bleached blonde hair.

I smiled to myself.

I remember it all.

December 7th, 2012.

“Twenty-three cupcakes” I said, confirming on the phone. “Yeah, I need them by the 13th in the morning”

I watched as a few people passed up and down the hall. I stood to the side of the wall, letting them walk.

“Yeah” I said. “Thank you”

I hung up my phone, holding it in both of my hands. I swept my hair in front as I scrolled down my contact list, looking for my mother.

“I just don’t understand” I heard a woman ask down the hall. “Why not?”

I looked up from my phone to down the hall, hearing the sound of a person in heels walking towards me. A man who looked familiar, walked down the hallway. A woman with blonde wavy hair followed behind him. Y/N. It was Y/N. Y/N as in the singer and friend of Nick’s. When did she become blonde?

“Why won’t you let me meet them?” Y/N asked behind him. “You met my parents”

“Baby steps” Dominic said.

“Baby steps” Y/N said, rolling her eyes. “I am taking baby steps. It’s been two months since you met mine!”

Dominic turned around to her.

“I’ve been busy” Dominic said. “You know I’ve been busy filming”

“But that hasn’t stopped you from going to your friends almost every night?” Y/N asked him. “Are you really going to your friends every night?”

“I’m not going through this right now” Dominic said, turning away.

“Do you love me?” Y/N asked him. “Because if you don’t, why are you here? Why am I here?”

“I do” Dominic said. “You know I do, it’s just-“

“Just what?” Y/N asked. “Just you not introducing me to your friends? Family? You hiding things from me? What is it because I’m god damn tired of pretending everything is fine when it’s not”

Dominic looked to me. I immediately looked down to my phone, pretending as if I wasn’t listening or didn’t exist.

“I can’t talk to you here” Dominic said. “Come on, let’s go”

Dominic walked passed me before stopping and turning around.

“Are you coming?” He asked Y/N.

“Yeah, yeah . . .” Y/N said in an uncertain voice. “Just wanna say hi to a friend. Wait for me in the car”

Dominic walked away. I looked up for a second, locking eyes with Y/N. I looked back down, hoping she would walk away.

She didn’t.

“I know you” Y/N said. “You’re from that band. . . What’s the name? One-“

“One Direction?” I answered, looking up to her.

“Yeah” She said, nodding. “I’m Y/N”

“Y/N. . . I knew that” I said.

Y/N squinted her eyes at me.

“I mean, I’m a big fan of yours” I told her. “I’m Harry”

“Nice to meet you, Harry” Y/N said, smirking.

Y/N moved closer to me. She stood against the wall, next to me.

“Sorry about the whole thing you heard” Y/N apologized. “We’re having one of those bad days”

“One bad day?” I asked her.

“Well, more like two weeks but . . . Sorry you had to hear that” Y/N said.

“Oh, it’s no worry” I told her. “I won’t tell anyone about it. Know how that feels”

“Thanks” Y/N said. “Means a lot”

I nodded. I stood there for a moment, wondering if she was going to say anything back to me. I figured she wasn’t by the disappointed look on her face.

I bit my lip, feeling a little sympathy for her. I knew I didn’t know much about her but I knew one thing - her boyfriend was an ass. And nobody deserves to be with an ass.

I smiled, having an idea.

“You’re not supposed to perform tonight, weren’t you?” I asked her.

“Me?” Y/N asked, looking up to me. “Oh, no. Just wanted to see one of the performers with my boyfriend”

“Really?” I asked her. “Which one?”

“Ed Sheeran” She said. “Do you know him?”

“Ed?” I asked, smiling. “He’s my best friend”

Y/N smiled, surprised.

“He is?” She asked.

“Yeah” I said. “Been friends for almost a year.”

“Seriously?” Y/N asked me. “How is he?”

“A drunk” I admitted.

Y/N chuckled at my joke.

“But he’s there when you need him” I said. “Which song do you like from him?”

“Oh, there’s a few” I said. “Give me love is a good one. So is you and I”

“You and I?” I asked her. “I like that one too. I could introduce you to him if you like”

“Oh, that would be so great . . .” Y/N’s excitement quickly faded away. “But I have someone waiting on me”

“Oh, right. . .” I said.

“Yup” Y/N said, snapping back to being cheerful. “But it was cool meeting you, Harry”

“Call me H” I told her.

She smiled to herself.

“H” She said, nodding.

I smiled at her. We didn’t say anything for a moment except staring at each other in the eyes. Were her eyes naturally that big or was she wearing contacts? Either way, I felt drawn to her for some reason.

“I should get going” Y/N said. “Tell Taylor I said hi”

“Uh, yeah” I said, nervous. “I will!”

Y/N bit her lip, smirking. She walked away, taking a few steps before stopping. She turned around to me.

“I’ll see you around” She said. “Hopefully”

“See you around” I repeated back to her.

She nodded. She turned back around, walking away. I watched her walk down the hall and out of sight. I felt my heart give a light jolt. I looked down to my hands. Why were they sweaty?

I heard a door closing behind me.

“Ready to go?” I heard Taylor ask.

I turned around to her.

“Uh, yeah” I said. “Are you?”

“Unless someone stops me. . .” Taylor said, putting her coat on. “Ready”

I started to walk down the hall with Taylor. I looked down to my hands.

“What’s wrong?” She asked me.

“Oh, nothing, nothing” I said, looking up to her. “I have a question. Do you want to meet my parents?”

Present Day.

“I take that smile as a yes?” My mother asked me.

I looked to her, snapping out of my memories.

“Yeah” I said. “Yeah, I did”

“I’m back!” Y/N said, walking towards us with three water bottles in her hands.

“Take one” Y/N said, handing me a bottle and one to my mother.

I looked at Y/N’s eyes as she talked to my mother. It was never because of contacts.

“Thank you” My mother said.

“No thanks needed” Y/N said. “Just normal hospitality”

I looked to my mother when Y/N looked to me.

“Umm, shall we go watch then?” I asked them.

“After you” My mother said to Y/N.

“Gladly” Y/N said, walking away.

My mother followed her. I stood there, remembering the first time we met. Y/N and my mother turned to me, noticing I wasn’t walking.

“You coming, H?” Y/N asked me.

“Uh, yeah” I said, walking. “Yeah, I’m coming”

Six years. Six years later and I’m best friends with Y/N. Who would have thought that?

Later. . .

“How are we feeling so far?” Y/N asked, looking out on the crowd.

“You’re sad?” Y/N asked one of the fans. “Why are you sad?”

Y/N waited a few seconds, listening to the fan.

“Oh, because you don’t want tonight to end?” Y/N said. “Neither do I!”

I watched Y/N walk back to her microphone stand.

“But the show must go on!” Y/N said. “That’s show business!”

I smiled to myself. That’s my line.

Anyways, the night was going good so far. My mother, Y/N and I watched Kim Petras open the show. She’s pretty badass. I could see Y/N’s appeal for her. As for me, I felt no weird heartbeat towards Y/N. I was content I didn’t feel any yet. It meant I was correct about my feelings for her. I was just feeling sympathy for her in the end.

“Umm, I wrote this next one a few years ago” Y/N said. “It’s one of my favorites I ever wrote and it took me forever to put it out but I finally did”

The instrumentals of the beginning of the song began to play.

“This is ‘Is There Somewhere?’” Y/N said.

The crowd cheered in excitement. I looked to my mother who was taking a photo of Y/N on her phone.

“You were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room, flashing those eyes like highway signs” Y/N sang in an angelic tone. “Light one up and hand it over. Rest your head upon my shoulder . . . I just wanna feel your lips against my skin”

Y/N closed her eyes, feeling out the song.

“White sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth, and the night life. You told me this is right where it begins” Y/N sang, her eyebrows arching as she was in pain. “But your lips hang heavy underneath me, and I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me”

Y/N opened her eyes, looking out on the crowd.

“I'm trying not to let it show, that I don't want to let this go. Is there somewhere you can meet me?” Y/N sang, having a melancholy tone in her voice. “Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings, and you clutched my brain and eased my ailing”

The beat kicked up as Y/N removed her microphone from the stand.

“You're writing lines about me; romantic poetry” Y/N sang, slowly walking towards the front edge of the stage. “Your girl's got red in her cheeks, 'cause we're something she can't see”

Y/N stood right in front of the stairs to go down the catwalk. She took a moment to look a fan in the crowd.

“And I try to refrain but you're stuck in my brain” She continued to sing. ”And all I do is cry and complain because second's not the same”

Y/N walked down the stairs, causing the audience to cheer more than before. Y/N quickly walked down the catwalk, holding hands with fans here and there for a second. Before I knew it, Y/N was already near the square B stage.

“I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight” Y/N sang, walking up the stairs to the stage. “I didn't mean to fall in love tonight”

Y/N looked at the fans around the stage.

“You're looking like you fell in love tonight” Y/N sang to a fan. “Could we pretend that we're in love?”

Y/N looked in my direction. She smiled once she saw me.

“I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight” She sang. “I didn't mean to fall in love tonight”

I felt a jolt run through my heart. The same jolt I felt from yesterday.

“You're looking like you fell in love tonight” Y/N sang, kneeling down to be closer to the fans in front of her. “Could we pretend that we're in love?”

The lights went pitch black for a few seconds as the song finished. I looked down, feeling my heart jolt another time.

Oh, fuck.

Later. . .

Okay. I was acting like I was eighteen again around Y/N. The same eighteen year old who might had have a little crush on her but that didn't mean anything. I'm not in love with Y/N. I'm pretty sure I would be jealous if I did. I felt jealous when Kendall or Camille was hanging out with other guys. But not with Y/N. Never with Y/N.

"You're sure you don't want to stay with Y/N after?" My mom asked me. "I could get a ride-"

"Oh, no" I shook my head at her. "I'll go home with you. Just want to say goodbye to her first"

I spotted Y/N walking towards us from down the hall. She smiled at the sight of us, walking over.

“Hi!” My mother said to Y/N. “You were wonderful tonight”

“Thanks” Y/N said. “I would hug you but I’m all sweaty”

I nodded, being in her same place hundreds of times before.

“We were about to head out" I said to Y/N. "I gotta make sure I get this one home and-"

“Wait” Y/N said to us. “I have something to give you”

"Something?" I asked her.

"Just give me a minute" Y/N said, smiling.

Y/N walked away from us and into her dressing room. She returned a moment later with a book in her hand.

“Here” She said, handing me the book. “Just Kids. Patti Smith.”

I looked down at the book's cover. A picture of a curly haired man and a woman was on the front.

“It’s one of my favorites” Y/N said. “The only book to make me cry. I read it a hundred of times before. I thought I would give it to someone who I knew would love it as much as I did"

I smiled, looking back up to her.

“Are you sure?” I asked her.

“Positive” She said. “Anyways, I have another copy at home and I have Jie Lin and Ali coming to visit soon. Won't need to read when they’re keeping me company.”

"I'll add it to my list" I said to her.

Y/N smiled at me before reaching up to hug me.

“Thanks for being there for me” Y/N said, squeezing me a little tighter. "For the last few days and everything else"

I smiled slowly, feeling my heart jolt again.

"Thanks for being my best friend” Y/N said. "Like, actually being my best friend"

"It's never a problem" I said. "I'll always be here for you. Whenever you need"

Y/N pulled back, smiling at me. The same smile she had when she cried to me a day ago.

Best friend. I was her best friend and she was my best friend . . . right?

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #hs fanfic #hs fanfiction #harry styles imagines #harry styles imagine #hs imagines #hs imagine #everytime HS #everytime chapters

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mwagneto · 5 years

Note

1, 30 & 36

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

oh god you're braver than any us marine ok so instead of what everyone expects I'll do a detour and start with the honourable mention that is rdj sherlock, i was super depressed (and I mean like. incredibly so) after sherlock s4 because it just sucked so bad, like i was deadass in ruins and i was trying to find ANYTHING to take my mind off it and by the end of February I watched and read pretty much all Sherlock media there is except for rdj because for some reason I thought it was bad?? but then I noticed the first movie was downloaded on my laptop so I went ok fuck it and watched it on the 26th of February and HOLY SHIT I fell in love with RDJude's dynamic literally immediately their chemistry was so fucking good and the plot and the script and the setting and the music and- point is I fucking loved it so I watched the second movie on the same day and Mother of FUCK it was somehow even better and gayer and sweet Jesus I've been obsessed with them since

NOW onto the real deal, light of my life and my reason for living....Rocketman

Jesus Christ I don't think I've ever been this hyped for a movie in my life

I saw the first trailer on November 11th but I wasn't into it at all mainly because I saw it in theaters and they played the censored version and made it look like some het movie about an imaginary person

But then I saw it trending when the second trailer came out and I scrolled through the trending tag and watched the trailer and boy I was HOOKED

And holy fuck the wait was Agonising especially since the fandom on here consisted of like. Me and 3 or 4 other people and then some ppl who didn't post but reblogged stuff - point is the fandom just. Didn't Exist

By the time carpool came out there were a bit more but still basically nothing, hell in my desperation I even looked at stan tw*tter a few times but I regretted it each time and thankfully I don't remember anything specific

But anywayS so the movie is supposed to come out on the 31st of May but for some reason they release it on the 18th in the UK and then turns out it won't come out until the 5th of June here???

I was so fucking mad my friend and I literally almost went to Wien to watch it

Worst of all, the big cinema chain that's in my city didn't even put the tickets out

And when they did they only put them out for Thursday and only the dubbed version

Which, ew, but I was like I don't care I'll take what I can get

But THEN I went into the city one Saturday and I was just riding the tram listening to the soundtrack when in passing I saw a theater that had a big ass Rocketman sign on the front

It was literally like a 0.1 second glimpse because the tram was going fast but I immediately went rabid and found it online and turns out not only were they showing Rocketman on the 5th of June, they also have the original English version

So I booked two tickets immediately and waited because I still wasn't sure the usual cinema wouldn't put their tickets out

So I stayed up every night until midnight to see if there were tickets but No

Finally they put them out on Tuesday midnight so a day before it's supposed to be released but only for Thursday so I was like ok fuck you I'm going to the other one

Oh yeah by this point I've been logged off Tumblr for weeks because i didn't want spoilers so I didn't have Any Rocketman content at all, I didn't even dare to look at YouTube videos or anything because I was scared the recommended section would spoil me

So yeah I was absolutely content deprived

Fucking FINALLY the 5th of June rolls around and we get to the theater and wait for it to start and jesus fukingn

I'm gonna be honest I literally don't even remember much because I was so high on "oh my fucking god I'm finally watching it" but holy SHIT IT WAS JUST. SO GOOD.

I do remember a few things

I know I screamed out loud when Richard first appeared during crocodile rock (even tho I knew he was gonna be there at some point but it was still so sudden I fuckin lost it)

Also I held my friend's hands during tiny dancer like my life depended on it skdnd

And I've told this story a million times but tmttp shocked the soul out of me coz I knew what it meant scene wise and I didn't think they'd play it so fuckign early skmfsk I had like a full body convulsion and drew my hands back and my calf muscle cramped so hard it hurt for a whole week afterwards

anyway I didn't cry

somehow

I thought I'd be sobbing like mad but I didn't and I still haven't

Idk for some reason I just can't cry over this even tho I SHOULD and I want to

my friend did sjsnfjd

we were fucking. spent dude I don't think I stopped smiling until I fell asleep

Anyway after she somewhat finished crying and we exchanged a few words we somehow got up from our seats and left

She had to print a few things so we walked to a photocopier and talked about the movie but it wasn't anything more coherent than just verbal keysmashes

Literally it was so smfjsjjdsjdn i felt high

I was so fucking HAPPY bro it was so fucking good and everything I expected and way more like we were over the fucking moon

I brought food coz I like to eat during movies but I didn't even dare to look away from the screen during this one

While she got her printing sorted I logged back into Tumblr and checked the tags (they were still disappointingly empty😔)

We then went to a park near the tram and ate the food I brought and talked abt the movie till it got dark at which point we headed for the train and talked there some more before she had to get off at her stop

I spent the rest of the ride smiling like an idiot listening to the soundtrack and texting her & other people

I went for a bit of a walk on the mountain I live on to clear my head but I was literally so happy and giddy I couldn't stop smiling hhh I'm losing it just thinking about all the stuff I felt

By that point I was super low and empty coz of school stuff and irl stuff so to feel so many emotions after months of feeling absolutely nothing was a LOT

Anyway I got home by...idk, late, and blasted the soundtrack on full volume for a while before booking her and myself tickets for Thursday so we could watch it again

And we did

And it was just as amazing as the first time

And then on impulse I watched it again on Friday

And then I went to watch it again on Saturday and as soon as it ended I ran to a nearby theater and watched it again immediately

Then again on Wednesday

After watching it on the 5th I lost my appetite both for food and for water, and also my need for sleep, so until I gained it back after watching it next Wednesday I basically didn't eat, drink or sleep for an entire week but it didn't take a toll on me, somehow

The Rocketman power

Anyway we watched it again on Saturday and Sunday (the girl I mentioned came with me both times then and on Saturday so did another girl)

And then I had exams, a class trip and a family vacation so I couldn't watch it for an agonizing two weeks

but then finally watched it again on the 3rd of July with another friend (a 3rd one)

And then on the 6th of July with the original girl

And then on the 7th and the 9th at home alone and them on the 12th with yet another friend (4th one)

Then I went to watch it in theaters alone again on the 18th

And then one more time with the first girl on the 24th

Then on the 3rd of August alone

And then the first girl came over on the 9th of August and we watched the deleted scenes and the extras and then the extended movie

Then I was once again busy so I couldn't watch it until the 25th

And I took my laptop to the hotel I'm staying at for two weeks rn so I watched it here on the 30th

And now here we are

Jesus fucking Christ I'm so sorry for making you read all this

This took me like an hour to type

Anyway! Peace and thanks for asking skdmsmcmsmmd

30: Talk about what turns you off.

I don't have any turnons or turnoffs tbh skdndn I'm. not about that sorta stuff

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

sometimes I hateread awful old fanfics on Wattpad because they make me wanna die but like in a good way

#rocketman #i got mail!

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7daysofnana · 5 years

Text

And so, once again, we’ve reached July 7th... NANA Week 2019 is (technically) wrapping up soon... But just like always you can keep on using the tag and I’ll reblog them as #8th day!!!!! So if you’re late to the game, no worries!! Have your own special lil NANA Week and use the tag and I’ll check the tag consistently throughout the year (though you are free to drop me a message or ask if you got something for me to look at in the tag :p) Besides it’s still NANA month!!

Thank you SO much to everyone who participated, whether you made a post every day of the week, just a few times, or just liked and reblogged everyone’s hard work!!! NANA has been on hiatus for 10 whole ass years, and Yazawa hasn’t published a series in as much time, but I can still see that love in the fans of both NANA and Yazawa.

Honestly, every time July 1st roles around I wake up so worried that the tag is going to be empty for the entire week, but ya’ll always prove me wrong and keep making such beautiful things dedicated to Yazawa’s beautiful work! Thank so much for that (lol) and thank you so much for indulging me the last 3 years. :p

Can you even believe this is already the 3rd NANA Week??? We’ll see about a NANA Week 2020 happening, but I promise it isn’t the last one. <33

Keep making stuff for NANA Week y’all cause NANA Week is never really over.

#nana #nana week 2019 #mod post #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i took a pill for something and wasn't told it'd make me drowsy #which... any drowsy making meds effect me 4 times as much as the average person #so i'm going to pass out now hope this messge was coherent lol

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official-mr-saxobeat · 5 years

Text

N e way it has been 728 days since I last saw/had any communication from my older brother (and longer for my little brother, but I don't know the exact date bc I wasn't fucking PAYING ATTENTION.)

And you know what? I remember the day. 7-14-17. He told me he'd text me the next day and see me the next week. You wanna know how many times he's contacted me? Zero. He's also blocked me. All because his fucking CUNT parents (can you say: DIS-GUS-TENG) decided for some fucking UNKNOWN reason that our mom, sister, and I needed to be cut off completely. Literal family, disowned with absolutely no explanation. He and I were closer than ANYONE and ALWAYS told each other we were more important than anyone else to each other. He has had so, so many opportunities to contact me. Literally just sending a fucking letter could've worked. Just, "Hey, it's Tyler. Simon and I are ok. We miss you a ton. Don't send anything back." But would you guess what? Nope. Nothing. One of his friends said that he misses me, and is apparently going to text me once he's 18. But a mutual friend of ours (who's closer to him than the other one) said more recently that he hates me now! Neat. Great. Good. Wonderful. Our sister lived in a much, MUCH more dangerous house than his, and yet wouldn't you know it! She has contacted me every single time she's had the opportunity, and risked a lot for it too. Even if she couldn't carry on a conversation, she'd let me know that she was at least safe or ok. And wow! Now that she has a phone again, she texts me all the time! Almost like...if you put in the effort to contact someone you care about, you absolutely can! She's planning to drive down and visit me! (If you're reading this Pauline I love you SO HECKING MUCH HOE ASS HOE!!!!)

I even believe that our little brother would have contacted me if he knew how. He was fucking six the last time I saw him. He's turning nine this August. Of COURSE he can't contact me, he doesn't have a phone or know my address to send a letter.

Anyway. I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again. Lots of people have told me to just give up.

....

Don't they get it...? I can't ever give up. He was my everything. Absolutely everything to me. He was there, always, no matter what.

He has no idea how many times I've cried, sobbed myself to sleep over losing him. He has no idea how much sleep I've lost over him, whether it be from nightmares where he finds me and tells me he hates me and hopes I kill myself, or from not being able to sleep because I had an unexplainable feeling that he might, just maybe, come see me, and I didn't want to go to sleep for fear of not hearing a knock or the doorbell. I'd already gone through that with our sister. He has no idea how many times I've come so, so close to just texting him, telling him how much I miss him, telling him I've changed, how much I wish he'd come back. How much I wish I could just hear his voice. See his face. Hear his laugh.

I don't know what I did. I have absolutely no clue. Neither does Pauline. Or our mom. Not an inkling. I found a letter the other day from them when I was going through boxes. A birthday card. There were long messages from both of them (the cunts) inside, telling me how much they loved me, how proud they were of me and the young man I was growing into, how much they loved having me as a part of their family, etc, etc. Who knew that in less than a year and a half from then, they'd be telling me I shouldn't ever ask about going on a family trip to the beach. But not for the same reason it used to be. It used to be, "Don't ever ask if you can come with us on a family trip, you're OBVIOUSLY coming! Why wouldn't you? You are family, after all!"

Then it was, "You're so selfish. Don't EVER ask something like that. Why would you think you could just invite yourself on a trip with us? How DARE you be so disrespectful!? You should be ashamed of yourself."

I hadn't even asked to go. I had been on every single beach trip EVER with them. They were family, after all. Tyler told me they were going to Santa Monica and asked if I was coming. I said no. I hadn't even known anything about it. So I texted CUNT BITCH (CB) and she didn't respond. All I said was, "Hey, Tyler told me you're going on a beach trip on Monday and Tuesday, did you forget to invite me or should I just not come?"

She didn't respond for over four hours. Which was really fucking weird. Because she always responded to me. So I texted again. "It's totally fine if I can't come, I'd just appreciate it if you could tell me instead of leaving me on read please."

Wow! Would you guess what. CUNT FUCK (CF) (her husband) texted me ALMOST IMMEDIATELY from her phone. The message read something like (I don't have the original texts anymore),

"How could you be so selfish. Inviting yourself on a trip that's for FAMILY ONLY. (Insert rant about how I'm a terrible person and caused CB to have a "panic attack") (and yes, I know putting panic attack in quotations seems really bad, but she faked panic attacks the entire time I knew her, aka my whole life. And they got SO much worse in those last couple months.) You hurt CB so much. You know how much she cares about you, and yet you accused her of ignoring you. How could you. I'm disappointed in the amount of disrespect you are showing right now." (Side note, I went over to his house back in June, CB opened the door, didn't recognize me at first, then said, "Nope, get out!" And slammed the door in my face.)

Tyler came over the next day, we hung out, he left. When he hugged me goodbye he said he'd talk to his parents about bringing me on the beach trip, he didn't know why they hadn't asked me.

And that was the last I heard from him. Friday, July fourteenth, 2017. Never again. I don't know if he hates me. But it certainly seems like he does.

I don't know, maybe one day he'll contact me again. Maybe he won't. Maybe I'll live the rest of my life wondering what I did and why he and his parents hate me. Maybe he will contact me, just to tell me what a terrible person I am and how glad he is he was separated from me.

I don't know.

I just want to talk to him again. I want to tell him how sorry I am for being a bossy prick. For beating him up when we were little (but I mean we're fucking brothers, and that's just what we fucking did back then). For not being there on his 14th birthday. For getting angry when he won games. For being angsty all the time when I was older. For lecturing him about Homestuck all the time. For being in the hospital so much when I was younger (see: being angsty all the time). For spending more time with s/o's than him sometimes. For waking him up at 0100 in the morning in 7th grade. For being so flamboyant about my sexuality for a few years (god, that was bad). For saying TRIGGERED every two seconds. For hurting myself even after I promised I wouldn't. For not being good enough at the piano to play the Animal Crossing: City Folk museum theme with him. For not waking up early when he was over. For not making enough (or good enough) homemade gifts for him. For not having enough random gift days. For not listening to him when he said things I was doing were edgy. For making him listen to annoying music.

For not being a good enough brother.

I miss him so much. I miss Simon so much. I miss Pauline so much too, obviously, but it's different because I've been able to talk with her all the time. I know she loves and misses me. I also have a feeling that Simon loves and misses me too. He always liked/loved me more than anyone else. He hated his parents. He told me so. I was the only one that respected him. I feel like no matter the amount of brainwashing his parents did to him, he'd know the truth. I just hope he knows I didn't abandon him. That I love him so much. And that it hurts so, so much, every day. And especially on Christmas and his birthday. And Halloween. We loved Halloween.

It's 0606 now. There's 41 hours and 54 minutes until it's been two whole years.

I wonder if he remembers the day...?

I don't know.

I wonder if he'll read this one day. Probably not. But if he does I hope he knows how much I love him and how much I miss him and how much I miss our driveway talks in the middle of the night and Mario kart races and pool games and water pool games and snowmen and sledding and writing stories together and drawing maps together and listening to pop songs while making fun of them and playing the undertale song game and playing minecraft and watching markiplier and fighting and cheating at board games in each other's favor and sorting candy after Halloween and collecting shit money from a camel in that Indiana Jones lego Wii game and making characters in that star wars lego Wii game and screaming badgers at the top of our lungs and spinning in circles to the hamster dance and walking home from elementary school and learning Japanese and OPERATIONTWENTYFOURHUNDRED and Sliced and making house tour videos and other fucking stupid home videos and building legos and rebuilding legos bc of simon and REREBUILDING LEGOS BC OF SIMON and planning midnight snacks that never happened and going to the waterpark and going to the park and finally being allowed to go places on our own and practicing singing to you and seeing you at all my concerts and playing Kirby's Return to Dreamland to 100% together and making really disgusting food creations when we were really little and playing with your hotwheels and cleaning my (DIS-GUS-TENG) room together and having random gift days and all your birthdays and all my birthdays and your AMAZING peanut butter fudge banana smoothie (which I,,, still have yet to perfect) and you being absolutely blunt and truthful towards me (except about my drawing skills/drawings which you absolutely loved even though they were terrible) and going through the undertale files to try and hack the end credits so we could get through the mysterious door and having tea parties together with that FUCKING TINY tea set (I have a big one now though) and giving you fashion shows with fucking stupid clothes that were really bad and playing Wii ski together and Super Mario Galaxy together while you were Mario and I froze enemies and collected stars and playing HMTOT and playing Animal Crossing and you selling everything you caught and all your furniture (besides mario stuff, obviously) so I could buy the Gracie Grace stuff (god, I was a cunt) and EOU (YOU'RE AS BLIND AS A WORM) and essentially having our own language and reading jack and annie books when we were really little and just. There's 20,000 more things plus some but I could never list them all. Everything we've ever done together I miss.

I don't know your views on a lot of things now. I don't know what you think about gay people. I've heard that you've called me they instead of he ever since we stopped talking. That's understandable, though. I dressed like a girl and wore makeup and stuff. I was confused. I thought that's what you were supposed to do, as a gay dude. Obviously not. I'm way less out there about my sexuality now. It's not something I talk about. It's not my whole fucking personality anymore. Which is really good.

I've changed so much since I last talked to you. I'm not edgy anymore. I fucking finally hit puberty (GODDAMN IT WAS FUCKING LATE) and my voice is really deep and I've been growing quite a bit of facial hair, which is nice. I don't look like a fucking girl anymore because I stopped dressing like one and wearing makeup and stuff. I realized that being mistaken for a girl felt like shit and tumblr was shit for encouraging that, just because I'm gay. I haven't hurt myself since September 4th, 2017. So that's also good. I've seen the bad things in mom that I couldn't see before. (Even though there's literally. Nothing that should have made your fucking cunt mother and father disown Pauline and mom and I.) I've made more friends and lost a lot too. I've done more writing, but nothing too edgy. I got my shit together in school and I'm going to CCCC starting in the fall. I almost have my driver's license. One of my best friend's moms is the manager at Starbucks and I talked to her about hiring me, so I'm getting a job soon, too. I started learning the piano again, for the first time in 12 years. Since the last time your mom taught it to me. I started cooking more, and have made some pretty amazing dishes, if I do say so myself. Mom and I sent you and Simon birthday and Christmas presents every year. They always were sent back. Except for your 16th birthday. I bought you a pineapple pizza club pin and an orange dad hat with an orange on it. Those are the only things that ever haven't been sent back. I sent a note with them too. Did you read it? I hope so.

I brag about you all the time. Mostly about how smart you are. "My brother essentially taught himself pre-calculus in 10th grade, and STILL passed the class," I say. I then go on to explain that you were homeschooled and your math teacher almost never showed up to the online classes.

I've wondered often about what college you're going to go to, or even if you are going. We used to plan to go to one together. I can't even remember what I wanted as a career the last time we talked. I remember that you had no idea, though. I remember you being really good at coding. Maybe you're majoring in computer sciences? I don't know.

I really miss you a ton. Before she kicked me out, mom used to encourage me to send you a letter. I never did. I was scared. Scared of getting a letter back like the one I sent to Simon on his eighth birthday, or the Christmas package we sent in 2017. Both came back to our house with "RETURN TO SENDER!!!!!!!" written in thick black sharpie on the front. Even worse, I imagined a letter back in your handwriting. I would've been so, so ecstatic. Beyond thrilled. Then upon opening it, finding a handwritten letter from you saying that you never wanted to hear from me again and that you hated me.

It was selfish of me. To not send you a letter. I'm sorry. I texted you twice. You blocked me the second time. It was too scary to me. I should've been brave. For you. Just so you knew I was thinking of you. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I miss you so much.

After I moved back to our hometown, I thought about going to your house. I texted one of your friends. He said that he could text you for me. He said that you said you miss me. And that you'd text me as soon as you turned 18. Tyler, you don't even know my number. I don't know if the guy was lying or not, but I don't think so. He doesn't seem like the type. He said that you wouldn't have him communicate for us. I don't know why.

I don't know why your parents hate me. I don't know what I did. For the longest time, my therapist and mom and Pauline told me that I didn't do anything, it had to have been something between mom and your mom. I didn't believe that at all. If it was just mom, why did they cut Pauline and I off...? But eventually I started to believe them. That was clearly a mistake, seeing how your mom treated me when I saw her. I wonder if she told you about that. She literally slammed the door in my face. In her own son's face. Who she always told would always have a home with her. Who she always told would always have a place in her heart, no matter what happened between mom and her. So clearly I did do something. I have no idea what. Could it really be that I asked about if I had been forgotten for a trip...? Was 15 years of raising a child completely disregarded because I was curious and confused? Again, I have no clue. I doubt I ever will. But if that is the case. If that's why specifically /I/ was cut off (because I know there was something else between mom and your mom that she literally never explained. Literally all mom and Pauline and I know is that apparently mom was "abusive" for years towards your mom, despite nobody ever seeing it, her never mentioning it before I went to Oak Grove, and her saying that she "knew it happened, but didn't know what it was"), then I doubt that your parents ever really loved me. If a simple question erases a lifetime of care and love and bonds and family, then all of those things were never really there.

It's 0737. Yeah, I still use military time. Also, I wanted to do a speech (in my speech class) on why a time system based on 10's would be better for the world. Remember? You wanted that. I couldn't remember the details, though. Anyway. It's 0738. There's 40 hours and 22 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you.

I often wonder if you think about me. I think about you all the time. Have I faded from your memory? What am I to you now? Am I your brother, your closest confidant, your best friend, and your <>? Am I nothing? Just a faint thought, a distant memory? Or am I your worst enemy? Have your parents convicted you that I'm a horrible person? I desperately hope not. I hope you remember everything. And I hope that you realize that it's been a long time, and we both have matured a ton. Going from an edgy 10th grader who thinks dressing like a girl, screaming "GAY," and looking up undertale AU's are the coolest things ever to a college freshman who finally realized that sexuality shouldn't be a personality trait, being an edgy cunt isn't cool, and responsibilities are actually important is a big difference. I'm sure you've had some huge changes too. You're almost 18. As of today, there's 2 months and 2 days until your birthday. I've been waiting for it for so, so long. An eternity, it feels like. I'm so scared. I don't know if you hate me or not. I'm going to text you. I'm not sure on what, but something. I'll tell you happy birthday. Just so you know how to contact me in case you want to talk. I have no idea if you'll just block me right off the bat. I'm hoping so, so much that Nathanael wasn't saying you hate me.

It's 0756. There's 40 hours and 4 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you. Error 404 means...something not found, right? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

I miss you. I love you.

Please come back soon.

- E. Nikolas B.

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signourneybooks · 5 years

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There were some firsts this month which was interesting to say the least. There was also a lot of coughing and overal sickness though so I’m not sure how I feel about January yet.

There are an awful lot of reading challenges down below. For the first month I’m keeping it this way and after that I am going to always have the amount reading challenge and my own. And alternate a bit between the others. I think I’m going to do an update and a wrap up of the harry potter board game over the year instead of taking it along here as there are so many levels and all.

The Numbers

# Read 60 Books Read this month: 12 Total: 12/60

Shadow of the Fox (Shadow of the Fox 1) by Julie Kagawa / 3,5 stars // ARC

The Crown Conspiracy (The Riyria Revelations 1) by Michael J. Sullivan / 4 stars

The Girl in the Tower (Winternight 2) by Katherine Arden / 5 stars

The Winter of the Witch (Winternight 3) by Katherine Arden / 4 stars // ARC

A Pinch of Magic by Michelle Harrison / 4,5 stars // ARC

Cogheart (The Cogheart Adventures 1) by Peter Bunzl / 4 stars // ARC

Wintersong (Wintersong 1) by S. Jae-Jones / 3,5 stars

And the Ocean Was Our Sky by Patrick Ness / 3 stars

Shadowsong (Wintersong 2) by S. Jae-Jones / 3 stars

The Ingenious by Darius Hinks / 3 stars // ARC

Every Heart a Doorway (Wayward Children 1) by Seanan McGuire / 4 stars // Reread

Avempartha (The Riyria Revelations 2) by Michael J. Sullivan / 4 stars

Average: 3,8

Fire Breathing Dragon: 3/20 Prompts Completed This Month: Thief / Fairytale Retelling / Classic Fantasy

Complete Alien: 1/20 Prompts Completed This Month: Steampunk

Generic Robot: 4/12 Prompts Completed This Month: WOC / Finish a Series / One word title / Mental Health

Total: 8/52

Read more about my own reading challenge here.

Level: Mt. Vancouver (36 books) Read this month: 8 Total: 8/36

Rules: Books Owned Prior to 2019 / No Library Books / Rereads can count (but not in the last 5 years read) / I Am Counting My Ebooks and ARCS received before 2019

Level: Elemental Witch (11-15 retellings) Read in this month: 6 Total: 6/15

Level: 1 (1-10) Asian Authors Read: 2 Total Asian Authors Read: 2

⌘ This month was a bit meh on the health department. It took a month for my voice to be back to normal again and a week later it wasn’t exactly great again but also not completely gone. I also got sick for the 3rd time in 2 months which is just really frustrating. And then on the last day of the month, poof my voice went again.

⌘ As you know I have been working on my depression since the end of last year. I got to the half way point with my one on one appointments and she suggested trying a course as group therapy instead of continuing on like this. I started it this month and have been twice now. There are a total of 8 sessions and we follow a book (with homework assignments yes lol). So it does require some extra work from me, especially on the emotional front again. It was interesting to see I also recognized some thoughts of it as I was reading Shadowsong.

⌘ I managed to burn my hand just below my thumb. Very certain a portion of it is a second degree burn. Fun times.

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A while ago @therealrobinhobb offered to exchange postcards and of course i send her a #dikkiedik postcard. This weekend i got a lovely card back with a bookplate. Thank you so much ❤️ . . . #bookstagram #booksofinstagram #booksofig #readersofinstagram #bookaddicted #booklover #bookobsessed #spreadthebooklove #blogger #bookblogger #boekenblogger #robinhobb #bookplate #foolsfate #thegoldenfool #realmofelderlings

A post shared by Annemieke (@signourney) on Jan 15, 2019 at 12:21am PST

⌘ A few months ago Robin Hobb offered on her website (and mentioned on her instagram) that she liked to send out postcards if we send her one. So I did that. And this month I got her card and a book plate. So amazing. ❤

Reviews

⌘ A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer / ARC ⌘ Shadow Captain (Revenger 2) by Alastair Reynolds / ARC ⌘ Pop-Up Guide to Hogwarts ⌘ The Girl in the Tower (Winternight 2) by Katherine Arden ⌘ A Pinch of Magic (A Pinch of Magic 1) by Michelle Harrison / ARC ⌘ The Winter of the Witch (Winternight 3) by Katherine Arden / ARC ⌘ Shadow of the Fox (Shadow of the Fox 1) by Julie Kagawa / ARC

Top Ten Tuesday My 5 and 4,5 Star Reads of 2018 / 2019 Releases I Am Looking Forward To – January to June / New to Me Authors in 2018 / Books I Meant to Read in 2018, but Didn’t… /

Other Posts Dancing Out of December 2018 / Dancing Out of the Year 2018 / My Year in Books 2018 Over on Goodreads / End of the Year Survey 2018 / Trying to Be an Elemental Witch – 2019 Retellings Reading Challenge / 2019 Goals & Intentions for Reading, Social Media and the Blog/ Time to Crunch Some Numbers – Reading Statistics 2018 / Why You Should Be Watching Jordskott / From US or UK Cover to Dutch Cover / Year of the Asian Reading Challenge / Books I Want to Reread This Year

⌘ Justice League / Movie Surprisingly I actually liked this. The plot wasn’t that special but the underlying tensions in the relationships were. I was worried I wouldn’t like the flash since I’m so used to the tv show The Flash. But I shouldn’t have worried. Its Ezra Miller. The only thing I wish that it wasn’t that he endlessly was used for comic relief and that there was more humor for the group as a whole. The flash stood out like a sore tumb because of his youth and because he wasn’t as brooding as the others. More interested in seeing Aquaman now (instead of just for Jason Momoa).

⌘ Astroboy / Movie I’d never watched this and when I was browsing on demand when I was sick I came across it. I liked it. Its cute. It could have done with some more depth (and poeh certainly some more poc) but overal it was a nice watch.

⌘ IT (2017) / Movie I had some time left over one day and I decided at random to watch this. I’ve never read the book or seen the older movie. I actually liked it. I mean the whole thriller parts aren’t exactly my thing but I enjoyed the characters and their relationships. Beverly ❤

⌘ Scooby-Doo Adventures: The Mystery Map / Movie This might be the weirdest movie of Scooby yet. They were puppets and they were shown as they were in the series a Pup Called Scooby-Doo so children. The plot was all kinds of meh so yeah not a good one.

⌘ Scooby-Doo and the Mask of the Blue Falcon / Movie This one had more of a old scooby doo feeling again. But the plot didn’t really interest me.

⌘ The Passage / Season 1 / Ep 1-2 I was going to try and read books 2 and 3 before I went to look up to watch this show, like in a few years, lol. But then I saw that our Fox also started showing it very quickly after its release in the USA, and here we are. This is really just the set up and it doesn’t diverge from the book that much. Amy however in the tv show is so kick ass. Love her.

⌘ Zoo / Season 2 / Ep 1-4 We finally started this season and it is so weird oh my gosh. And addicting in a way. But so weird. Like a train wreck. You just can’t look away.

Blogs

⌘ Jackie from Death by Tsondoku talks about Jólabókaflóðið. ⌘ CW from The Quiet Pond shares their most anticipated diverse debuts for 2019. ⌘ Crini from All About Books updated her spreadsheet for 2019. ⌘ Noura from The Perks of Being Noura had me in her item The Life of a Reader. ⌘ Kathy from Books & Munches has the fantastic february fantasy themed month. ⌘ CW from The Quiet Pond, Shelea from Shut Up Shelea!, Vicky from Vicky Who Reads and Lily from Sprinkles of Dreams are hosting the Year of the Asian Reading Challenge. ⌘ Jamie from The Perpetual Page-turner talks about how her reading life has become more rich and full. ⌘ Greg shares things he’s learned from Game of Thrones. ⌘ Ely from Of Wonderland shared a list of 2019 Releases featuring disability. ⌘ La La in the Library posted the January Snidget with all the Harry Potter News. ⌘ Shannon from It Starts at Midnight talks about open endings. ⌘ Fadwa from Words Wonders shares why she loves rereading. ⌘ Brianna from Pages Unbound talks about miscategorizing adult books as young adult. ⌘ Have you seen Cait’s cover reveal of her second book? ⌘ Imryl from X=1 has created a recommendations list for my reading challenge. You can find part one here!

Dutch Blogs

⌘ Liesbet from Zwartraafje always starts the new year with numbers from last year. She also shares if she stayed within her book buying budget.

⌘ #SapphicAThon 2019 starts on February 1st to February 7th and I am planning on reading two books for that: Down Among the Sticks and Bones and The Abyss Surrounds Us.

⌘Other than that I want to read my pre orders (King of Scars, Firestart, both arrived way late), some review copies and do my buddy read with La La in the Library for The Darkest Legacy.

⌘ As for the blog, I am going on a Semi-Hiatus to fix some of the broken photos. There are still posts coming along like top ten tuesday and a wrap up post, and some books I read for review. But no more than that. Hopefully it will give me some breathing space to fix the broken photos, even though I really don’t want to spend time on it again. -_-

This monthly wrap up will be linked up with the monthly one by Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction. This so we can blog hop to each others wrap ups easier.

Dancing out of January 2019 There were some firsts this month which was interesting to say the least. There was also a lot of coughing and overal sickness though so I'm not sure how I feel about January yet.

#Personal #what I read #what i watched #wrap up january 2019

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beihonglin · 6 years

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purely out of curiosity, ship fellow tumblr idol producer watchers with some of the boys? (does not! have to be mutuals) thank you ily

💛🧡💛🧡 tag game!!!🧡💛🧡💛 you’ve been picked to ship some of your mutuals with idols/trainees you think they’d look good with or their personality’s would mix well! You can do as many or as little as you want!! 🧡💛🧡💛

oof i’m rly sorry for being late anon!!!! i got this ages ago around the 7th episode but never got round to it because i didn’t talk to a lot of ip stans before but here we are, one week away from the finale jashldkj

@hynjaes: my actual queen? deserves nothing but a King!!!! this was ages ago on /astrofireworks but i once described mare as one of those really high functioning people at school ? president of ten clubs, 4.0 gpa, teachers’ fave ?? and i still stand by it i think mare x yanchen would hands down rule the school power couple that everyone would be Afraid of also bc both mare and yanchen love making me suffer

@ynajun: connathan,,,,,, okay listen conno has uh a very Specific Type when it comes to the boys she loves and for the whole two years i’ve known her she’s stuck by that type but mr lin yanjun came in and defied all the checkpoints of her entire Type and flipped it upside down if coniferous x yanjun were an au they would be an enemies to lovers au with the number of times she’s screamed about hating him

EDIT!!! i talked about this with conno but i also ship [redacted] with xu shengen my m.nation bbys xoxo

@caixukun: britney x xukun lhdjkf britney fell so hard so fast for xukun ajsdhfkajsd inseong who?? she writes entire essays about how much she loves him and reading them always makes me love him more?? also i feel like xukun is really sweet and helpful and britney is too, especially with photoshop help ;u;

@roiqin: listen if you haven’t read victoria’s tags on all the posts about qin fen you are missing out on some Real Emo Hours jdhajks they both care so much for the people around them and they have such Big Hearts victoria x qin fen would be the real mum & dad of ip stans

@idolproducer: kenia x zimo!! zimo seems Hilarious and carefree but he works so hard ;;; i remember at the very beginning of ip kenia set up a whole intro to the 99 boys thing on her blog and it was like woAh o: also i have confidence that kenia would kick zimo’s salted fish ass at pool/billiards

@mu-ziyang: ajsdhaskj i know julie was a ziyang stan from the very start but julie x yueyue was too strong to give up!! i feel like yueyue and his masters in engineering from glasglow,,, an Intellectual,,, julie knowing four languages?? a Power Intellectual couple hoo bOy!!!! [also unrelated but i remember asking mare if i should bother making a sideblog for ip and january 4th she replied saying yeah!! and referred me to julie and i was like wow damn maybe i’ll make this sideblog then and yeah that’s how oxlxs/xkaihao/princeruibin came about]

@idolprod: omg maria x zzt hkajds omg maria’s adopted basically everyone in yuehua i don’t follow yuehua stans on twt since i mainly use it for astro but every once in a while a yuehua boy will pop up and i immediately associate them with her and imagine maria and yuehua’s tired frazzled dad chasing after them on my twt timeline asdjlahd

#thank you for sending this to me this was really fun to do!!!!#i didn't talk to a lot of people before but #this made me realise how many people on my dash that i rly adore #there are more people that i adore but i figured i should stop somewhere jadhdkjs #also now that i've scrolled this far down in my messages i just realised how many asks ive abandoned asjdlhs #there's a wedding planner!MJ one that i should get around to answering soon i love it #Anonymous #vivi answers stuff #mare #connie #julie #maria #victoria #kenia #britney

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kirakiraninja666-blog · 6 years

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my sad, sad love life

Everything mentioned here is true and all names will be left out. In kindergarten, there was this girl that I fancied. She was very cute and kind to me. I recall that one day she read a book to my about blue whales, she spoke about her wanting to be a marine biologist when she was older. Later in the year, I brought cupcakes for my birthday. I sat in between her and another girl. This other girl was extremely happy that I brought cupcakes and kissed me on the cheek. The girl I liked was shocked that she did such a thing during class. We giggled and quickly forgot about it.

Fast forward to 3rd grade and shit got intense, like real intense, my nigga. I had gotten close to this one girl, we messaged each other a lot on the app called “Kik Messenger”. We pretty much had a relationship over text. We would say, “I love you” and, “I miss you” and shit like that to each other. I recall this one moment where she went to go to something and I was texting her friend and she said that “[we were] cute”. One day at recess, one of our friends got us together to talk about our feelings for each other. This shit was awkward as fuck, my nigga. Like I mentioned earlier, this was a text-relationship. We never spoke about our feelings to each other in person. It was pretty awkward and we never admitted our feelings to each other. I don’t remember how it ended but it ended somehow.

Now, onto 4th grade. I had gotten feelings for the girl I liked in kindergarten again. To be honest, I kinda liked her throughout most of elementary school but she was kind of an on and off crush. Anyways, we were on a Skype call on my birthday and she had a friend over. They had known about my feelings for her and they said shit like, “The ship sailed a long time ago” which made me fucking depressed. I cried that night, on my BIRTHDAY. I slept that night with my iPad next to me hoping to receive a Skype message that she had changed her mind or something. But, alas, it never happened. I slit my wrists, the pain helped me to stop thinking of her. I attempted to hang myself with toilet paper, hoping to leave this miserable world. Unfortunately, it failed. Oh well.

5th grade was pretty fucking cringy. There was this new girl at school. She was smart, funny, cute. We talked and we became close. We developed feelings for each other. I talked about this to my friend, the same one that made me and my “ex” confront each other at recess in 3rd grade. She told me to stop liking her, that she was “weird” or something like that. So basically what I did was I wrote an e-mail to her, with my friend’s help, ending our nonexistent relationship.

In 6th grade, there was cute Asian girl I met in math class. We talked a bit and I ended up liking her. Unfortunately, nothing happened because she had a boyfriend.

In 7th grade, I had gotten close to a girl, an Asian girl. She developed feelings for me and asked me out and I said, “LOL, no thanks b, we’re better off as friends. Try again next year OMEGALUL.” And that was that.

Later that year, around December, I had gotten feelings for another Asian girl. I liked her quite a bit and I told too many friends and she quickly found out that I liked her. She stopped talking to me completely and it was really awkward between us. Looking back at it, it’s pretty funny. I stopped liking her because I figured that there was no hope. I started to like someone else and the Asian found out and we started talking again.

Spring time of 8th grade, I was pretty good friends with this white girl. She also started to develop feelings for me and asked me out. I told her that I didn’t want to date anyone at the moment and would’ve preferred to wait until high school to start dating someone. She walked away very sad which made me feel bad but, ya know, it sucks to suck.

So probably around May of 8th grade I wanted to ask out this one girl to the 8th grade dance, known as “Formal”. We were quite close and talked a lot. She was pretty good looking and boy, oh boy, she’s thicc as fuck, my nigga. Anyways, she wasn’t really into me and this other kid asked her to the dance before me. I was devastated, I opened up to one of my close female friends. I told her that I was suicidal, that I had the urge to just swallow my phone and hope that it would suffocate me. She was there for me, she saved me, she was my hero. I quickly fell in love with her. I decided that I would ask her to the dance. I had two of my friends make a poster for me that I would use to ask her out. It was a huge success. People in the hall were cheering, they yelled, “OH YEAH!”, there were fireworks inside the school, shit was amazing. We hugged, walked outside together, and took a picture. We waited for her bus and she gave me a hug goodbye. I was practically smashing that girl. The next day I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. The following day, it was awkward as fuuuuuck. We worked together on this project for health and I’d talk to her, start a conversation, but they just wouldn’t last that long. She didn’t really want to to talk to me. Later that day after school was over, she broke up with me and told me that we’d be better off as friends. I was sad. I had gotten into my first REAL relationship, albeit probably lasted less than 24 hours. I had to get over her though, there wasn’t really any way that relationship was going to work. She probably ended it because she though I had moved on too quickly, that I didn’t really have feelings for her, or perhaps she just wasn’t really interested in me.

Although the summer started off a bit rough, it would later turn out to be pretty fucking amazing, kind of. Around the end of July (I’m thinking it might’ve been July 22nd or some date close to that), I boot up my computer to play with my friend that I played with pretty much the whole summer. We’d get on in the morning and play until nighttime. This day was different, for I had gotten on around noon. Not surprisingly, he was already playing. I saw that he was playing in a group and asked for an invite. He was playing with this GIRL, a fucking gamer-girl, can you believe it? Those girls are pretty fucking rare. Anyways, I joined their group and we had a blast together. The 3 of us became close, we were a group, the modern day Three Musketeers. One day, my friend left for a couple days, I believe he traveled somewhere. She was also gone. I thought, “Damn, so is this where it ends? Is this where she stops talking to us?” but then I thought “She probably just doesn’t want to talk to me by ourselves, she likes my friend more than me.” My friend returned on the weekend, I think, and that’s when she got back online. She said the reason she wasn’t on was because her parents didn’t like her playing on the weekdays and that she was at this camp (this is actually all true, she wasn’t lying). When school started, we still found the time to talk to each other. My friend and her would get into some really stupid fights, fights that were just a big fucking waste of time and shouldn’t of happened. But, it’s okay, for I had had benefited from them. You see, my friend was closer to her than I was with her. But thanks to these fights, this quickly changed. She would talk to me and vent about my friend. I would agree with her and say that my friend was in the wrong (which he actually was most of the time). We’d play together, just the two of us. We’d go invisible on Discord and on Overwatch. We became each other’s best friends. We all lived pretty far from each other, my friend lives in Vermont and she lives in New York City. We’d talk about meeting each other over the summer (which is the summer that is currently being written in, by the way). One day, her and her friend told me that I should go to their school. I thought it was a great idea and we discussed it. Looking back at it, I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, I actually thought that it would happen. Newsflash, my nigga, that shit ain’t ever going to happen. I thought about moving alone to NYC and going to their expensive ass school, $50k YEARLY TUITION for grade school. Hell no, that definitely wasn’t going to happen. My parents laughed and said no. I was actually kind of bummed, like I dead ass thought that it might’ve happened. Over time, we developed feelings for each other. Her friend asked me if I thought that she liked me and I told her no. She asked her and turns out that she did like me, I was insanely happy. Moving on, later that month she told me that there was a possibility of her coming to Maryland for winter break. I was fucking hyped but she told me not to get too excited because it all deepened on her aunt’s roommate leaving so they could have a place to sleep. Sometime in December she confirms that she’s going. A couple of days before she comes to Maryland, we were talking to each other. We played this game that we had made where if one of us were to curse then the other would ask them 3 questions. These questions were to be answered honestly. I asked her questions about who she liked. She had knew that I knew that she liked me. I wanted her to admit it to me. She also asked me questions about who I liked. I, of course, described her. Now, I believe that she suspected that I liked her but she didn’t want to believe it. Later, she tells me that she has to leave. I decide to confess my feelings for her. I tell her that the girl I like would be coming to Maryland the next week, that we were going to see each other. She freaked out and I started laughing. She hung up the call and I just sat there in my chair, very happy. She arrives at night on Christmas. She’s in Maryland for 3 days pretty much (the 26th, the 27th, and the 28th), we hung out together on all 3 days. The first day was pretty awkward, not gonna lie. It makes sense though because this was out first time meeting each other. We met up at the National Gallery of Art and spent the majority of the day there. We didn’t really talk much at first but we later got more comfortable with each other and talked. After spending a day at the N.G.A., we ate dinner at this Chinese restaurant. It was fun, she tried teaching me how to use chopsticks but I wasn’t able to use them. Second day, I went over to her aunt’s house. It was a bit awkward for the first like 10 minutes but then everything was fine. We went ice skating but, here’s the thing, I don’t know how to ice skate. Her sister and her would hold my hand to try and help me keep my balance. After that, we returned to her aunt’s house where we played poker. Neither of us knew how to play so we had to learn. We played in teams. It was me and her, her sister and her mom, and her aunt and her aunt’s boyfriend. We turned out to be a pretty good team, we won a couple of times. On the third day, we went to ICE! at National Harbor. After spending a couple hours there, I suggested that we go eat at Rio. We arrived at Rio and for some reason her mom and wanted to go to Barnes and Noble. She didn’t want to go so I suggested that her and I walk for a bit. She happily and agreed and that’s what we did. I saw this as my chance, my chance to ask her out. I waited a bit and then I did it. She stopped walking and looked at me and said, “Are you serious?” to which I replied “Yes” and she said yes as well. It was fantastic except for the fact that my girlfriend would have to leave in about an hour to return to New York. We talked a lot over the next couple months, became closer to each other. One day in February, I got extremely lucky. I heard her dad tell her that they would be going to California for spring break. I told her that I’d be visiting New York for spring break. She told her dad this and her stepmom suggested that I go with them to Cali. We couldn’t believe this and we thought that she was joking. Nope, it was not a joke. I asked my parents and they allowed me to go. I arrived at New York on the 24th of March and left a week earlier. The first two days we were in New York. It was fun, we spent time together. On Monday, we left early in the morning to go to Cali. Now, to be honest, I don’t remember everything as it exactly happened, I tried forgetting these memories because it was just too painful to look back at. But here are the highlights of that week:

>lots of cuddling

>we kissed

>we went to some pretty cool places

So after the trip, we talked a lot for a couple of days. She slowly started to talk to me less, she said that she was busy with school work. It got to the point where if I was lucky we’d talk on the weekend (lemme elaborate here real quick, if I recall correctly, she was never busy on those weekends, we’d talk if she wanted to talk, not if she was busy or not). One day I accidentally pissed her off and that’s when it pretty much ended. I asked her if we were still together and she told me to give her a week to think about it. I acted super desperately, like super desperately. I thought that my acts of desperation would help me but it did the opposite. Honestly, if I was in her position I would not have given myself a second chance. I was too flawed and I had to learn from my mistakes. Now though, almost 4 months later, I feel like I am worthy of another chance. I feel that it is my time to try once again. I have reflected on my previous self and I have improved. I. Am. Ready.

to be continued...

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allenmendezsr · 3 years

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Competition Bbq Secrets 300 Deg Hot & Fast

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Competition Bbq Secrets 300 Deg Hot & Fast

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BBQ Friend:

I’m Bill Anderson, head pitmaster on the Chatham Artillery BBQ Team and 8x Grand Champion.

I’m going to help you to be a BBQ grand champion too! You see, I wasn’t always an expert BBQ pitmaster… I started out in my back yard like everybody else. I thought I was pretty good at it too – having “perfected” a few barbecue recipes that delighted my friends and family.

Then one day, I was asked to help my brother-in-law at a BBQ competition down in Douglas, GA. We took 2nd place ribs in the back yard division and we were hooked. We moved on up to the pro division and ran into some serious roadblocks. As it turned out, those guys in the pro division don’t mess around… they take their BBQ seriously!

It was clear that my back yard barbecue recipes were not going to cut it. So I practiced and practiced and practiced some more. I needed testers and people to eat all those trial runs, so my friends and family loved it! But it was costing me a small fortune.

Still, our competition scores were not up to par.

Competition after competition we sat there and watched while the other teams “walked” to get their checks and trophies. I found out real quick that BBQ judges were a lot different than my friends and family. BBQ judges will insult your barbecue skills in a heartbeat (with bad scoring) – friends and family will always tell you your BBQ is great no matter what.

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Being a competitive person, I was determined to make the leap to competition quality BBQ recipes and not be satisfied with back yard quality anymore. After all, winning isn’t everything, it’s the ONLY thing.

I did some judging and I took a $750 class to figure out flavor profiles and other things the judges were looking for. These things, along with my own knowledge is what allowed me to go on to win 8 contests over the next 2 years – I was winning every other contest I entered! Yiiiippppeeee!

I had earned some serious bragging rights!

Not only was I king of my neighborhood, but I was king amongst professional barbecue teams too.

Now, I want to teach you all my secrets that cost me a small fortune to figure out!

So you can be the king (or queen) of your neighborhood too. Heck, you may even want to compete like I did. Or open a barbecue restaurant or BBQ food truck some day. With the info in Competition BBQ Secrets, you’ll blow your competition away because these competition quality BBQ recipes are even better than 99% of what most restaurants put out.

Don’t take my word for it, here’s just a small sampling of many, many satisfied students say about the BBQ Book…

I don’t know if this a real success story or not, But it is for me! I have been BBQing for over 67 years and it has changed a lot in my time. When just a short time ago I got Your book and found out that I had no more idea then a Jack Ass of what I was trying to do. I had entered in two contest preveiously and came in dead LAST! I thought You cooked your meat piled the best you had in a box and turned that in. WRONG! This past weekend I entered in Knoxville, Tn. and came in 9 th overall. With a 2nd in chicken, 14th in ribs, a 7th in brisket and 15th in pork…. Col. Dave Franks, long time US Army cook, author of Foods of the Southland, Alex Haley’s private chef, and head pitmaster for Lil’ Red Barn BarBQ Team

Hi Bill – My brisket turned out great I have been trying to smoke one for over ten years every time it would come out dry like boot leather. I learned so much from your book I’m going bear hunting in Colorado in September can’t wait to try it again for all my hunting buddys I hope you make the finals would love to try a pros BQ in AR keep me updated you have made my wife and daughter so happy that I can finally smoke a brisket!!! Tim

Bill,Wanted to let you know that your book is wonderfull , so much info. We used some of your suggestions along with our ideas and were grand champions at our 1st BBQ cookoff. Everyone should get your BBQ book–packed full of info. Tom Mashos Fossil, Oregon– Smok’n Hot BBQ Team

Well I’ll be! After three years of cook-offs, one trophy here, one trophy there. I bought your book, I read the dang thing at least five times. This past week-end, the Family Tradition cookers took reserve grand champs for the first time. IBCA cook in Willis Texas, 2nd chicken, 3rd ribs (highest ever), 9th in brisket. I look forward to your next email and any new books and recipes.Thanks a bunch. Erik

Great book. Very informative for those not only wanting to begin competing in BBQ but for the general home BBQ’r as well. – Michael M

We are Grand Champions of…

Hasan Shrine Spring Festival 2009 – Albany, GA (FBA) Some of the best teams in the Nation were there and we took 2nd in chicken, 2nd in brisket, and 1st in pork.

Blue Ridge BBQ & Music Festival 2009 – Tryon, NC (KCBS) There were 78 teams present at this KCBS event. We placed 1st in ribs.

(very rare back to back win!) Blue Ridge BBQ & Music Festival 2010 – Tryon, NC (KCBS), Back to Back wins! There were 87 teams this year. We took 2nd in chicken, 4th in ribs, 13th in pork, and 4th in brisket.

Festival of Discovery 2009 – Greenwood, SC (KCBS) There were 58 teams present at this BBQ contest and we placed 2nd in brisket.

Pigs & Peaches Festival 2009 – Kennesabbq contest grand championw, GA (KCBS). There were 43 teams present and we placed 1st in ribs, 2nd in chicken, 4th in pork, and 3rd in brisket.

Florida State BBQ Championship (KCBS) at Daytona International Speedway on July 4th weekend 2010. Some of the best teams in the Country were at this action packed event on July 4th weekend.

2010 Dillard, GA Bluegrass & Barbecue Festival with a surprise 1st place brisket and a good 6th place chicken. A good showing with 15th in ribs and 14th in pork rounded out the grand.

2010 “The Real Squeal” Lyons BBQ & Bluegrass Festival in Lyons, GA. We were 4th in chicken, 3rd in ribs, 3rd in pork, and 2nd in brisket.

2013 Sam’s Club Tour Finals in Bentonville, AR. 1st place brisket! We can legitimately claim to be the best brisket cooks in the Country after winning brisket in this playoff style series and also 3 other 1st places and a 2nd in brisket this year.

Here’s just a short list of everything you get in Competition BBQ Secrets…

This is NOT a cookbook! This BBQ book is more of an instruction manual. Don’t get me wrong, there are a good bit of recipes, but we don’t stop there… we go on to explain in fine detail how to smoke championship barbecue ribs, butts, chicken and brisket. There’s a separate chapter for each!

Best Brisket in the World – I’m not bragging here. In 2013, I was the best brisket cook in the world. Having won many first place briskets and going on to win first place brisket at the KCBS Sam’s Club Finals in Bentonville, AR against the best teams in the world. The complete and exact details on how to cook the best brisket in the world are in this book. No details are left out. Your mind is not even capable of understanding how good it is. You must experience it to believe it!

My competition sauce recipe – included at no extra charge. Most teams keep this info top secret – even if they are teaching a live class.

I’m your barbecue coach! Just email me anytime if you have a problem.

Cookers – the different types and how you can slow smoke on anything from a professional offset smoker to your old trusty Weber kettle grill and everything in between.

How to smoke a turkey, reverse sear a steak, jellyroll cut pork loin or beef tenderloin, and much more!

How your wood choice will impart that sought after smoke flavor and smoke ring.

How marinades, brines, and injections will improve the quality of your barbecue recipes.

You have to use rubs… your meats will be bland without them. We tell you all about them and even include some great recipes if you want to mix your own.

Your new book will also tell you how to properly use finishing sauces and glazes on your barbecue recipes.

We also give you some great information on competitions, how to prepare for competitions, and even a checklist of what to bring to a competition. Exact competition schedule is included too!

A complete list of all the BBQ Associations known to exist with the web address for each. Each BBQ Association has it’s own contests and you can find their schedules easily with the information in your new book.

How to trim spareribs St Louis Style and how to trim a brisket.

A whole chapter on barbecue science – smoke rings and maillard reactions.

A complete list of resources for smokers, rubs, sauces, and forums.

and much more!

Benefits of an eBook….

eBooks are in Adobe Acrobat .pdf format and you will be directed to the download page immediately after payment.

Speed – you will receive it immediately and shipping is FREE.

Save a Tree – Do you know how much resources are used to print a paper book?

Live links – throughout the book, there are many, many references to external web pages that contain a wealth of information that you need to read. With the eBook, just click on the blue “hyperlink” and you will instantly go to that web page.

Bookmarks – The entire table of contents is “bookmarked” for your convenience. Just click on a chapter title and you immediately jump to that chapter. At the end of the chapter, you can jump back to the table of contents.

Color Pictures – There are many pictures in the eBook that are color. A paper book with color pictures on every page would be very expensive.

Printable – The book is only 87 pages, so it’s easily printable after downloading.

Full 60 Day 100% Satisfaction or Your Money Back…

If, for any reason, you are not satisfied with your barbecue recipes, just send the processor (Clickbank) an email and they will immediately refund your money. There is a link to do this at the bottom of your email receipt. It’s simple, easy, and fast.

How much is this gonna cost me, Bill?

It’s not gonna cost you $750 for a live class like I paid. There are no travel expenses. It’s not gonna cost you 5+ years going to the school of hard knocks either. It’s not gonna cost you $1000’s in practice meat and fuel costs. I could easily charge you over $500 for this valuable information, but if you act now, you can get it all for the low price of $29.95.

And if you order now, before the timer expires, we’ll throw in the original Competition BBQ Secrets at no extra cost to you. The original is more of a low & slow version and the new one is hot & fast or what the competitors call power cooking. Why cook a brisket for 20 hours when you can cook it for 5 with better results? Remember, I won best brisket in the world cooking hot & fast.

Get Yours Now….

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iamnotaduckyet · 3 years

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omg hi sorry i’ve only been here when ive been in bad places LMAO im better now my therapist straightened my sad ass out and got me into some groups and my surgery is hopefully actually fucking happening this week. im gonna do a giant recap of my life in this post because i neeeeeeeeeed a place to vent because what the fuck has my life been

tw for death, family death, cancer, medical talk, surgical talk, anxiety, bipolar disorder, coronavirus, and eating disorders

LITERALLY WHAAAAT THIS SHITS BEEN CRAZY

hi i left my boyfriend in july i assume y’all are caught up on that. so.

fast forward to college! sixth college semester! should be ready to rock and roll! i was! but corona sucks and online classes sucks and untreated bipolar disorder sucks and insane anxiety disorder sucks. i was getting sick, i wasnt able to eat because i got sick whenever i did so i just... quit eating bc it hurt so bad. it wasnt going too hot for me. i was failing all 16 credits (lol) and soooo fuckin far behind. anyway then my dad died october 7th which was awful and horrific and i had no notice i left for work and he was fine and then i came home and he was gone and it was fucking awful. he had lukemia for three years, which we knew of, but it was in remission until the week before he died. he had one chance, an experimental chemo, which killed him after one dose. my chest hurts every day and i miss my fucking dad. fast forward to october 22nd, i’ve lost 25 pounds since my dad died, i havent been able to eat for a solid week at this point, and now anorexia is on my chart and the only reason it seemed that i couldnt eat was just.. grief and anxiety. so i got sent to psych. fun. they told me i need a therapist and nausea medication. anyway the week after that i still wasnt eating but i got exposed to covid so i got the fucking coronavirus (IN MY OWN HOUSE) (ugh im so mad about this i have been so careful and good this whole time, i wash my hands until they bleed and wear my mask and make others wear their masks and social distance and isolate myself from my family YET I STILL AM THE ONE WHO GOT IT!!!!!!!) anyway that fucking sucked and my inability to eat just got a lot worse, i had gone like a week without even being able to keep water down so i got sent to the er and they finally figured out that i either have gallbladder problems or ibs... just my luck. i have fucking both. ibs has no cure and the only way to fix a gallbladder problem is to just take it out. so i get to have surgery this wek to have that taken out, but i still get to live with ibs the rest of my life so... whats the fucking point lmao. im repulsed by food now because it took three months for me to get any fucking care and now my bodys just used to food making it sick so this is fucking great! did i mention my dads birthday is christmas? i also hit a deer and am failing classes and doing poorly at work and im exhausted and constantly irriated and anxious always i have like three panic attacks a day now i am not even a functional human being whos getting food and water let alone being able to take medication and just calm down and i havent gone a day without being high in months thats kind of concerning lol bye

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tiny-dinos-running · 3 years

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hey

well hey little thought dumb. its been a while. last time i checked in my great grandpa was alive. i would never see him again. he died a day later ( i think tbh march - July is a blur. a big traumatic blur). well since July i have 1. turned 19 2. moved to auburn 3. met my college besties nicole and sophie. 3. became increasingly close with sophie. we have a real soul bond. she gets me ya know. here for the hard stuff 4. my mom bought a house in Charleston 5. i changed my major to elementary education 6. celebrated our first family-less holiday.

1. 19. it didn’t feel that monumental. it was a birthday covered in grief. we kinda ignored in and focused on the move to auburn the next day. abby and hadley cane by my house to wish me a happy birthday and to send me off to auburn. i had to keep my distance bc i was quarantined. we ate grape doughnuts and i got a planner for school.

2. i moved into sasnasty. the nasty place on the village. met my crazy roommate katie. she is odd. not mean or unlivable but odd. we are working through it. moved into auburn on the 7th. it was a super hot sweaty day. i am really liking auburn so far. although we don’t get to do much because covid we are learning to make our own fun and memories. i got corona the second day of classes and had to spend 2 weeks in the quarantine dorm with nicole. felt like i was in a mental hospital. we made it tho. auburn has been fun and i’m excited to go back. miss my mom big time.

3. nicole and sophie - my saving graces. i love these girls with my whole heart. we are getting an apartment together next year and i’m really excited. nicole is from Philly and is hilarious. girls got a lot of drama that need to be left in the past but her time will come. she gotta learn when its time to move on. she has a really big group of friends at home that seems to feed into it. nicole is so sweet and i love that she is across the hall. our tik tok queen! miss sophie. oh where do i start. a girl that will fight for you unconditionally. always down for a good talk and willing to plan your life out for you. she’s gonna be a super bad ass pilot for the air force. i’m so excited to see her strength and determination take her to amazing places.

4. WE’RE MOVING TO CHARLESTON !!!! how. freaking. exciting. my mim is gonna be the cutest lil Charleston lady to exist. April here we come. I CAN”T WAIT !!!!!!!!!

5. well this ones pretty simple too. i’m gonna be a teacher :) ...hopefully lol

6. and the big whammy. the first holiday with no extended family. just my mom my sister and i. thats all. we are all we got. today was alot for me. i sat in bed and took a nap. it hard to live these moments without them. grief is hard and hit in unexpected ways. i wish they were here more than anything in the world. i wish i had a community of people to celebrate their lives. i wish i had a group of friends. abby is locked in her house. i haven’t seen her since august and i’m still not allowed. kaylee yelled at me for being upset that i couldn’t see my friend. i just tested negative. like come on. i have one friend. one friend. and i would like to talk to her. its not fair. i want life to give me just one freebie. oh what i would do to go back to feb. you couldn’t imagine. i miss my grandma.

\\ i need 2020 to be over asap//

will do a photo dumb later

11/26/20

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astormyjet · 6 years

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July 19th 2017 - January 7th 2018. Summer, Autumn and the start of 2018.

Ho boy. I have been useless at keeping this updated. Things got super busy with RA, working with the kids and just generally getting out and doing more, rather than being a shut in. I lie. I’ve been studying Japanese, doing more outside of school socially and sportingly AND playing more video games. But either way, I haven’t been chronicling my time here as much as I used to.

Ok, so summer. I went to Tokyo for a holiday some time in July/early August. I met up with Maya, one of the cool kids from up north that had actually contacted me about JET stuff before they got here the year after I did, I also met one of my sempai, who actually taught as an ALT alongside my Uni Japanese Uni friend who came to visit me in January last year. So that was a hilarious twist of fate. Tokyo was A plus as per usual, but I don’t see myself living there in the future. Too expensive, too busy. Too many people.

After getting back to Matsuyama, the new ALTs came. They’re all fab. Some of us oldies and a bunch of the newbies play DnD together now, so that’s taking some of my weekends.

When they first got here, Miriam (the other RA) and myself organised a beach welcome party, we made a kick ass sand castle inspired by Matsuyama castle. We then destroyed it with a big rock. We also beat the crap out of a watermellon on the beach while blindfolded in an attempt to recreate an “authentic beach experience”. Basically in their first couple of weeks, RA duties saw Miriam and I making sure they were settling in all good and running/presenting at Ehime Orientation alongside the other RAs and the PAs. That was both fun, challenging and terrifying.

Junior High sports day was in September. I jumped in on the white team, or rather the white teams 3rd years basically yanked me into their tent and told me I was their cheerleader, they even got me up doing their chant and dance. I love them all so much. They’re such genki, kind and hard working kids. It’s going to be hard for the last few months of teaching at my base school after they all graduate in March. I’ll have to change schools in August most likely as that is what happens here in Matsuyama to fourth year JETs. It’s probably time for a change, but with the new changes rolling out at Elementary school, I’m seriously concerned about the future of the JET Programme in Matsuyama...side note...our BOE still has no idea how they’re shuffling the new classes at ES 3rd and 4th grade is going to work...when everywhere else on the island had that sorted out last year.....argh.

Halloween itself was pretty rough for me and a couple of my students. Along the route I bike to school, there is a few bridges with pretty high drops. From the hospital near my house to one of said bridges an ambulance and a police car kept pace (in early morning traffic) with me. By the time we got there, there were already a bunch of police cars and a group of the local community standing on the bridge pretty somberly. I made the mistake of looking down into the river and there was a guy who’d jumped.

My students were standing nearby and one of the community members suggested that the four of us walk to school with the kids, so we did. It was pretty bleak, the kids weren’t really sure how to process it, neither was I to be honest, but I’ve been in a similar situation a couple of times with friends at Uni so I think that kind of helped me talk through some of what was happening with them. We got to school, informed the principal of what had happened and then the day went on as per usual.

Suicide here is a pretty big issue, luckily for the students and community it turns out the guy was from elsewhere in Matsuyama so it’s impact wasn’t as strongly felt in the community. The community has made efforts to reach out and support the family of the victim and the kids who saw the aftermath are being looked after as well. Thank god.

I am a little bit worried about how they’re going to react to the whole Logan Paul thing that’s happened recently, and I am incredibly worried about who is going to be at school and who isn’t come the new term, as that is when youth suicide rises, but there’s very little one can do about stuff like that except keep an eye out for and support those who might be dealing with mental health issues.

On a lighter note, Matsuyama Autumn Festival in October was fun as usual. I made my way down to my school block area and joined in with the community there. The shrines were beautiful, I saw a dragon/lion dance for the first time in real life. I got to hang out with a bunch of my students and their families and generally just put myself out into the community down there which has opened some pretty cool doors for me.

In October, Miriam and I were also in charge of sorting out the yearly Halloween Orphanage visit for the Chuyo region. It was stressful, but rewarding. The kids at the home are all getting so big! I really feel for the staff who take care of them, there’s so many. This year they actually provided costumes for the kids to wear, and boy did that go down a treat. We had a good time. The Christmas visit went along in a similar fashion. Stressful, difficult to co-ordinate, but we all survived.

Skills Development Conference happened at the start of December, it was as per usual, not fantastic. Basically the workshops were more of the same and the speaker this year was bloody useless. Japan is so frustrating in respect to educational change, despite how many JTEs and ALTs ask and suggest changes or improvements, it’s basically screaming into the void.

After the last day of school, I ended up going to Osaka for Christmas break. I left on the 26th December and came back on the 30th. In that time I spent my first day up in Kyoto, where I hiked Mt. Inari in the snow...it was pretty cool. Figuratively and literally. The shrine, Fushimi-Inari Shirine and the tori gates are a lot more beautiful than photos can capture. It’s eerie and quiet, but it’s also a peaceful place, if you go earlier on in the day, like before 9am as due to it being a tourist hot-spot, it gets busy fast. In Osaka I went to Nipponbashi and then a bunch of the surrounding places. I didn’t do as much shopping as I thought I would, but that meant I had a bunch more money to spend at USJ.

USJ was unreal. I loved the Harry Potter world portion and was impressed by the Spiderman ride as well as a couple of the other smaller attractions. I avoided the Minion theme park like the plague, but probably would go if I go again and it’s still there. I also went to Osaka castle, but the museum portion was closed due to it being New-year break fro Japan, so next time. I also went to a cat cafe called Mocha which was really clean, relaxing and the cats were super well cared for. I saw the staff grooming the cats and cleaning the room while I was there, so they’re on to it. I also went to an owl cafe. I got pooped on. Apparently it’s lucky. The owls again were well looked after and the staff were on top of the animals welfare. Basically I had a blast in Osaka and have some ideas of what I want to do with my partner when they come over in May. Yay!

On the 31st I climbed up the Shiroyama-park hill to Matsuyama castle and watched the last sunset of the year. It was pretty lackluster, but it was a nice way to end the year. I spent the rest of the evening curled up in my room with the heat on and watching Kohaku uta gassen. 2017 wasn’t a bad year for me, it was just an average year. I think now that I am a little more established in Japan, but coming towards the end of my time on JET (only 2 more years! CRIKEY), I’m starting to think about, and panic a little, the future. Like I have no idea what to do after this, but I know I want to stay abroad, but weather that is in Japan, England or Canada, I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to go back into study, or if I want to stick to doing odd jobs with my somewhat useless BA in English, Linguistics and TESOL Minor. I enjoy teaching, and I enjoy working with kids and young adults, learning from them and encouraging them to reach their goals, but I don’t know if I can find a good, stable job with my current qualifications.

On New Years day I went to the big mall and lined up for lucky bags, I got the Pokemon Center one. I was stoaked, as initially I’d been in the wrong line, but 10 minutes before the doors opened I saw the right one, jumped in and managed to get one of the last bags!!! I also went and bought new running shoes and a Nintendo 3DS for an early birthday present.

On my actual birthday, I went to work, hung out with the Volleyball kids, the table tennis kids and made paper cranes for the kids graduation in March. I then came home, ordered Pizza and spent the evening on my DS and PC gaming. It was nice.

I haven’t made my New Years resolutions yet, but I think I’m going to do something similar to what I did last year and write a list of 25 things to do before I am 26. I got about 20 out of 25 things done last year, so I’ll carry over the five I didn’t manage. I have my first shot at my Karate Blackbelt on Wednesday, I don’t think I’ll pass this time around (dammit, why are test fees so expensive), but I think that getting it by the end of the year is on my list. Along with JLPT N3.

I signed my re-contracting paper before I went away, so I am definitely here until August 2019. I’m equal parts excited for the changes in the Elementary school English Education, and dreading how poorly our BOE has been planning it out. But we’ll just have to see. Until next time, this has been Kai, the 25 year old, sleep deprived and slightly Jaded 3rd year ALT.

#tw: sucide mention #life on JET #jet program #jet programme #ALT life #Japan

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beatyoutothepunchline · 5 years

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A Dumb Girls Guide to Dinner for One

When I was a kid, I was given "A Smart Girls Guide" a series of practical advice books created by American Girl for helping tween girls navigate the awkward transition from childhood and becoming a young adult. These books covered everything from friendship troubles to boys, manners, middle school, and sticky situations. (As if that entire phase of my life *cringes at the awkward 7th-grade first-day-of-school photo* wasn't one in and of itself). For being such a "smart girl" you'd think some of these things would have come naturally to me, but apparently not because I was given seven of these books by different family members. Most of this information (if not entirely lost on me) was eventually rendered irrelevant. I am no longer in middle school, my friendships no longer are angsty and problematic, I slowly acquired manners, and have given up on men. That being said, as I now make the transition from a college student to grown ass woman, I wish there was a series of books with advice on things like, What to do when it is just you... in an apartment and you hate cooking but should probably eat something other than a gigantic Rice Krispie Treat. Because, hahaha... that definitely isn't what's happening right now... As the old saying goes, you only learn by doing. And I've only ever used an oven when it was absloutly necessary for my survival or to impress a man (Which, unless you enjoy/know how to cook is a monumental waste of time, speaking from personal experience). Luckily though, I've managed to come up with a few "dishes" along the way that are quick and easy enough for my dumbass to get by. NOTE: Before I get too far into this, I just want to say that this is all stuff I've found works for me. You can swap out or add anything. I'm not saying this is healthy (God knows I could use some more fruits and vegetables) and it might not be for everyone. So take what you want and leave the rest. Breakfast: I am occasionally a breakfast person. Only when I'm hungover, am on vacation, or am near Wheatfields in my hometown of Omaha, NE. On these such occasions, I splurge and get the croque madame and sangria, or the Nutella crepes and fancy coffee. However, every now and again, there is that weird Tuesday morning I want to eat but want to be economical, and in that kind of situation, this is what I do: Peanut Butter/Coffee/Protein Shake --1 Chocolate Premier Protein shake. (Or any protein shake/power of your choice. I like this kind because they sell in bulk at Costco. It's high in protein, low in sugar and is Keto friendly for those folks out there that are into that.) --1 spoon of peanut butter. I don't measure. I use the au natural PB from TJ's because it's cheap and a little better for you than Jiff or Skippy, but you do you man. --3 shakes of cinnamon. --A splash of vanilla extract. --1 Cup of coffee. If you are fancy this can be some Cold Brew, but if you are cheap like me I'm usually good with sticking some day old Folders in the fridge the night before and throwing that in there. (Optional) --1/2 a frozen banana. Gives it a little something extra in the taste department and can work like ice cubes if nothing else is chilled or frozen. Because breakfast shakes, like soft serve, gazpacho, and revenge is a dish best served ice cold. Then just blend it together whatever way you see fit. The stick blender your mom bought you exactly for this purpose that up until last month you only used for margaritas, a food processor some family member gave you when you graduated high school as if you'd be whipping up pesto on a nightly basis. "What a score! Thanks, Aunt Karen!" A hand blender, a KitchenAid mixer (assuming you took this whole cooking thing to the max and want to pretend your Martha Stewart). A bowl and a fork or a Ziplock bag (if your broke and or don't want to make the investment and/or missed the arm day at the gym). Lunch: At this point in the day, I'm usually getting done with a class or am about to wind sprint to one because I'm running late. I wish I was one of those people that was motivated enough to precut my imperfect produce shipment on Sunday night and make five perfectly portioned salasd to put in mason jars and drizzle on a homemade dressing, but I would be BS-ing you if I said I did that. Honestly, I've made it through most of college on vending machine lunches and have been totally content, but at some point, my Cherry Coke and pretzels are going to catch up and I'm going to lose all my hair or something. So I've got a few things I usually do for lunch that are quick and painless. Recently I rediscovered the simple quesadilla (or in my weird family we call them...) Torcheetas --1 handful of whatever kind of cheese you like. I personally dig the "Mexican blend" from TJ's. --1-8 tortillas (depending on how hungry you are). Let's get real, there's a healthy way to make this and then there is a drunk at three AM way to make this dish. --Saracha (or whatever salsa/sauce you're into) (Optional) --1 serving of frozen peas (for vegetables) --1 serving of beans (for protein) --side salad? (I don't usually do this, but it's something my mom would do to make it extra healthy. Doesn't have to be fancy, just lettuce, maybe some baby tomatoes.) If you have time turn on the skillet on low, throw some oil in the pan, gently swirling it until it evenly coats the bottom until toasted to perfection. But if you're in a hurry or just incredibly hungry a microwave will do just as fine. Dinner: Again, if I'm being perfectly honest most nights it's two slices of pizza from the 7/11 next to my building and a green tea or La Croix I keep stockpiled under my bed like an extreme couponer. So I usually do that or if I'm feeling it I'll do a salmon sandwich (which sounds gross but can be made to taste halfway decent. --Do yourself a favor. Buy yourself a decent loaf of bread. None of this off-brand Wonder Bread nonsense. It's weak and if it doesn't entirely fall apart in your hands as you eat it, it will stick to the roof of your mouth. Wheat bread has some health benefits but is dry as hell, bland, and usually more sugar than you think. Buy yourself a nice sourdough. It'll put you out three ish bucks. --Get yourself some canned salmon or tuna. Target usually has a 5 for 10 dollar deal on the Starkist Tuna. Costco sells really high-quality stuff canned stuff like the Kirkland Signature Wild Alaskan Pink Salmon. But if you're like, "Ew, no. I don't eat anything from a can," then there's always stuff in the deli. If you happen to live in a big city, I highly recommend small mom and pop deli shops because they sell things you can't get anywhere else and it's usually a little fresher. --MUSTARD (to taste). Okay, for real though. Personally, I am a dijon fiend but the generic stuff will do the job. (But you went the distance so far, so why half-ass it now?) Toast the bread. (Again, this small step makes a world of difference in the final product). And assemble. Add a side salad, peas. (A vegetable of some kind?) Then get realistic and pair it with a beer or a scoop of Cherry Garcia (and by scoop I mean accidental pint :/ whoops) because you are human, and maybe because it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, your year... I'll be there for you cause I've been there too. Look, this isn't going to turn into a Julie and Julia type situation because I hate cooking. I find zero joy in it. But, I'd also like to eat something other than gas station delicacies until I die, so... I'm going to try a few things out. While I'm off burning tortillas, I'd love to hear your half-assed meals and how to make them diversify my menu.

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