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#it's depressing and it's even worse when i really dont know if there's anything i can do about it lol
theygender · 3 months
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I need to finish my tasks so I can be done with work for the day but I'm just starting back up on my meds after being off of them for a while bc I was sick and taking medicine that would have had a bad interaction with them and now my brain is not working. I couldn't remember if this specific medication had any negative effects starting up but apparently it does and that negative effect is "reduces brain processing power to 1 KB"
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qumiiiquinnquin · 5 months
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ill never be good enough at anything
#vent#events of today only proved it#im genuinely so close to giving up completely#i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing#I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im#the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did#i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships#i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long#i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math#i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive#hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough#i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi#i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i#know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out#i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on#just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height#the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly.#ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from#if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic#i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.
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genekies · 3 months
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screaming in the club
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time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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littleelectric · 3 months
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Shout out to anyone sick on Christmas and is feeling lonely and forgotten.
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awsugar · 1 year
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.
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faultsofyouth · 1 year
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August 14
PSA about dick-poisoning: it's real 😔 stay safe sisters
#my posts#i was so miserable in my last relationship i wish i realized then that love isnt supposed to feel that way#i had never been in love with a man before i thought it was just supposed to be different from how i felt with my girlfriends#and at the time i didnt realize that ''different'' in my head was code for miserable#i was so sickly depressed but i thought it had nothing to do with the guy fucking me and living in my house while also#telling everybody we knew that we werent dating and we weren't together. i thought because it started before i knew him#that he couldnt make it any better or any worse. and now i think#he really could've made it better but he didnt love me the way i thought he did and he didnt want to make that effort with me#and underneath it all he just didnt know what to say about it. he didnt have anything to say about it even when he was looking right at#i cant imagine my current bf acting that way he was the first person ever to be like 'what is that what do these say'#and he checks up on me so much i dont have to ask or anything he just misses me and worries about me#if my last boyfriend had cared about me that much i think he wouldve said Something. at least 'i wish you would stop'#i just felt so unwanted in my last relationship (i literally was) and the guy im with now makes me feel so different#like he wants me around all the time and not just when the rest of his life isnt working out as intended#all those tags and literally not once did i write out the words self harm or cutting or Anything contextual lmfao#'it' is the cutting babes sorry i cant articulate right
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apathyfairy · 2 years
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i was thinking about it today and like i have never been so deeply hopelessly unhappy in my life lmao like if i could talk to myself from 10 years ago i’d be like “girl... you think you’re depressed NOW ? lmao it does Not get better.”
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notthestarwar · 11 months
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are you normal or do you print out your ao3 comments and make them in to a little book so you can look at them all together when ur feeling sad
#can neither confirm nor deny if this book exists#but i will say: it sure is nice to look at when i'm having a 'what even is the point' kinda day#you know that post that talks about how you should look at ao3 interactions like you're doing a little book reading#i think about that a lot#cause yeah i write for me but if i didnt know ppl were reading stuff i probably wouldnt bother posting#and going to the effort of making it understandable to a brain other than mine if i didnt think other ppl got anything from it#but getting a comment really is like 'oh my god there really is a person out there reading this'#and when they mention they agree with a certain take. then i'm like. omg. this feels like community you know#whats that one post thats like 'people arent looking for commnents. they are looking for community'#theyre right.#its easy to get caught up in stats and be like 'oh this is barely any ppl' especially if you start comparing (thats the mind killer)#but the truth is. the comments that i do get? thats like a ginormous amount of ppl#if they were all looking at me in a coffee shop. i dont know if i'd be able to do a reading lol. i'd get stage fright#not of the stuff that ends up on ao3 anyway. it's not stuff i'd ever put somewhere non anonymously. cause its all like#showing a bit more of me than i'd show in a coffee shop you know. thats me working through stuff. but still ppl are interacting!#that feels big.#i think cause a lot of my stuff is like 'heres a irl problem made worse so its brought to the forefront and has to be addressed'#which means its all pretty depressing but in a way i find cathartic. you know. its a tragedy but their story was worth telling.#it was worth it. so when another person sees the catharisis there. it makes it seem possible.#its not just wishful thinking. working through that issue would be hard and painful. but it would be worth it all the same. that guy agrees
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multi-fandom-imagine · 4 months
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•EVEN MORE THE BLUE EYE SAMURAI INCORRECT QUOTES•
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Reader: Do you ever do anything except whine like a little bitch.
Taigen: Some times I whine like a big Bitch!
Ringo: Do you think when Butterflies are in love that they feel human's in their stomach?
Reader: Ringo! What the fuck!
Reader: • • •_-• - / ... - •_• •_• -.-
Mizu: What is that
Reader: Remorse Code.
Mizu: I am even angery now.
Reader: Hey Mizu, what are you eating?
Mizu: A family sized bag of sweets.
Reader...that's not family sized....that's regular sized....
Mizu:Everything is family sized when you dont have a family.
Reader: *whispering* Mizu...nOo
Reader: *Laying in bed* Do you think birds get sad for not having arms?
Mizu: Well do you get sad for not having wings?
Reader: *Choke up* Every single day.
Taigen: If I say I love you will you say it back?
Reader: Yes
Taigen: I love you
Reader: It back
*Five Minutes later*
Mizu: Why is Taigen sobbing face down on the floor?
Reader: I wish I could block people in real life.
Akemi: Restraining order
Mizu: Murder
Reader: What are you five?
Taigen: Yea! Five head's taller than you.
Reader:
Taigen:
Reader:
Taigen:....Please don't kill me.
Mizu: Are you high?
Reader: Am I what?
Mizu: High?
Reader: Hello.
Taigen: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.
Reader: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.
Mizu: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
Reader: It was me...
Mizu: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.
Reader: Why are you on the floor?
Mizu: I’m depressed.
Mizu: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ringo, please
Taigen: I guess I’m just a bad person.
Reader: Nah, you’re not a bad person. You’re a terrific person. You’re my favourite person. But sometimes you can be a real cunt
Reader: Hey Mizu?
Mizu, internally: There they are. My favorite person in the world, the love of my life. Fuck I just want to stare at them and hold them and kiss them for the rest of my life—
Mizu: What the FUCK do you want?
Akemi staring at Reader: “You look like an angel.”
Reader who wasn’t paying attention: “What?”
Akemi: “I said you look ugly at every angle.”
Mizu *screeching*: YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME!
Reader: wh-
Mizu: YOU’RE ESSENTIAL TO MY EXISTENCE!
Reader:why are you screaming??
Mizu: BECAUSE I HAVE TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF! IT HELPS TO YELL SENTIMENTAL THINGS IN AN AGRESSIVE TONE!
Reader: I-
Mizu: I FUCKING LOVE YOU!
Ringo: Wow, it’s a barren featureless wasteland out there isn’t it?
Reader: … Ringo, try turning the map around.
Reader: You’re mad at me.
Mizu: I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
Reader: Oh, come on. Everyone knows that’s worse
Mizu: Don’t worry, you’ve got everything you need to defeat them.
Reader: The power to believe in myself?
Mizu: No, a Sword.
Mizu: Stab them.
Reader: Don’t kill me, I have a wife
Assassin: I don’t care about that
Reader: That wasn’t a plea for mercy, that was a warning
Mizu kicking the door down: You called, love?
Reader: Here you are, Mizu. Nice hot cup of tea.
Mizu: …It’s cold.
Reader: Nice cup of tea.
Mizu: It’s horrible.
Reader: Cup of tea.
Mizu: I’m not even sure it is tea.
Reader: Cup.
Reader: You need to react when people cry.
Mizu: I did, I rolled my eyes.
Reader: Gotta love knitting needles, I can make a scarf, I can make a hat, I can stab someones eyes out, I can make mittens.
Akemi: What was that middle part?
Reader: I can make a hat?
Mizu: How much sleep did you get?
Reader: Eight.
Mizu: Hours?
Reader: Minutes. God! Taigen, would you shut the fuck up?
Taigen*Fixing his hair*: What the fuck? I didn’t even say anything!
Taigen: how come you’ve been abnormally nice to me lately?
Reader what do you mean?
Taigen: you just seem nicer than usual
Mizu: They can punch you in the face if you want.
Fowler: I could kill you if I wanted.
Reader: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.
Akemi: Did you really have to stab him?
Reader: You weren't there, you didn't hear what he said to me.
Akemi: And what did he say?
Reader: "What are you gonna do? Stab me?"
Mizu, nodding: That's fair.
Akemi: NO!
Reader: *Screams*
Taigen: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Ringo: Should we do something?
Mizu: No, I want to see who wins.
Ringo:Let's speak about our talents.
Ringo:...I'll start, I like to cook.
Akemi: I'm good at languages.
Reader: I'm good instruments.
Mizu: I'm good at killing people.
Reader: *Does something stupid*
Mizu: What an absolute fucking idiot.
Mizu: I can't believe I would die for them.
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sukiipjs · 18 days
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✮ BLONDIE : PT 1
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader
↳ words - 2239
↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.
↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]
↳ song - blondie by current joys
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
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°:. *₊ ° . ☆
nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.
of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.
the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…
okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.
but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.
i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
nick 🫶
| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd
| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good
| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?
| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀
i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.
i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.
fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?
all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.
…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.
if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…
i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.
i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.
soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.
every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.
the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.
as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.
“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.
he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.
“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.
“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.
“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.
“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.
i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.
i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.
i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.
i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.
i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.
i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.
₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊
after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.
nick 🫶
| are you ignoring me?
| like did i do something or what?
| are you okay?
| can we just talk or hang out please?
| y/n?
| okay sorry actually, never mind
my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.
i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.
i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.
they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.
my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy
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bots-and-cons · 7 months
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Hello,I dont remember if I have sent this before but could I get tfp ratchet x human reader angst headcannons where when the base is attacked and everyone gets scattered the reader gets assigned to ratchet(they were under optimus wing).Ratchet however abandons the reader in a fit of rage.Even when everything goes back to normal the reader cant let it slide.They feel betrayed,like they cant trust anyone and they fall into depression.
*Also for the character (something to include only if you want/can):The reader is intelligent like raf but due to ✨the marvels of the educational system✨ they have been led to believe that they are not good enough,so they secretly always seeked the same validation ratchet was giving raf but never felt like receiving it.
I really liked this idea and enjoyed writing this. Ah yes, I love writing angst. HCs as requested
•You found yourself sitting in Ratchet’s front seat in a parking lot who knows where
•The base had been destroyed, you couldn’t contact anyone because the comms could be traced and your phone was out of battery, so you felt like you were pretty much fucked
•”What are we gonna do now?” you asked Ratchet
•He didn’t say anything, and you got the vibe that he was sulking
•”Ratchet?” you knocked on his dashboard, trying to get his attention
•”Get out” he grumbled
•”Sorry what?” you asked, blinking in disbelief
•”Get out, I can’t be responsible for you anymore” he said
•He couldn’t possibly be serious? Was he actually going to just leave you in some parking lot in an unknown town?
•Ratchet didn’t know what to do, and he certainly didn’t know what with you
•It would just be better to leave you here, away from the decepticons and all the danger
•And he was honestly done with the whole situation in general and didn’t want to deal with taking care of a human
•”Get out!” Ratchet raised his voice, which surprised you
•”Fine!” you yelled, trying to cover your hurt feelings by acting angry
•Ratchet drove away and just left you there, in the middle of some mall parking lot, in the middle of the night
•You were mad, but more than that you were incredibly hurt
•You felt like you had been abandoned, which was not far from the truth
•”I guess I’m not good enough for him either” you muttered
•You managed to hold back your tears and walked to a nearby store to borrow a phone to call your family
•When you eventually reunited with the team, you refused to talk to Ratchet and he was so busy he didn’t even really notice
•You honestly didn’t want anything to do with him
•You slowly became more withdrawn and depressed, and no one understood why
•You resented Ratchet for leaving you there and you felt like your trust had been broken like never before
•None of the other’s abandoned their human companions alone in an unknown town, which made it even worse
•Was there something wrong with you? Were you really that bad that Ratchet didn’t want anything to do with you? Were you really not good enough to even check in on?
•Ratchet was too busy with everything to try to mend things with you, and it eventually sort of slipped his mind
•You ended up not talking at all anymore, and you drifted apart quickly
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kairiscorner · 7 months
Note
hihiii pookie :DD!!
tw// mentions of depression
i'm wondering if you could maybe write a comfort fic about miles 42 with a reader who hates asking for help even when theyre clearly suffering in silence because they were taught to just 'suck it up' and deal with it alone as a kid?
you dont have to write this if you dont feel comfortable with it <33
Thank you pooks :33!!
hi pooks @jrrantss <:DD oh man, okay so i was kind of that kid back then too (though i was a big crybaby) it's like the adults around me didn't fully comprehend why i was feeling the way i was, so in response to that, they basically condemned crying at home or in front of them. i'm sorry if you went through something similar or, hopefully not, something worse ;-; i hope this provides you some comfort, and in a way, might also let you know you aren't the only one going through stuff like this. i'm here for you pookie, all the time <:)
(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)
you can be honest with me. – miles 42 x reader (angst + comfort)
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nothing went your way this week, hell, you couldn't even remember a week in your life when anything felt right, when you didn't feel that you were holding yourself back from letting go of everything that felt wrong, awful, and just... painful. you were too good at keeping secrets, too good at lying about how you really felt; and that was something you hated about yourself, how you found lying as your first nature, not your second. you lied to people when they'd ask you if you were doing okay, if your day was going alright–you always gave them the answers they want to hear, that you were fine, that nothing was wrong.
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but when everything just comes crumbling down, and the cracks in your facade begin to show and become more obvious... you get more and more defensive, more and more angry, more and more... scared and worried about these feelings that are hurling themselves at you so quickly that you can't even begin to understand why they're affecting you so badly–why people can see the bare you now if you just turn your face to look at them or open your mouth to speak; and your boyfriend was the first person to see you this way, vulnerable, yet trying all you can to avoid that vulnerability while you're crumbling down.
"hey," miles calls out to you in a soft voice as he sees your back turned to him as you kept working on your assignments, hunched over at your desk with your brows furrowed together and your lips curved into a scowl. you had been avoiding him for a few days now–at least he thinks you might be avoiding him–and have acted very distant, very... out of it recently. you didn't turn your head around to face him, which prompted him to continue talking, hopefully so you could find a reason to face him and his worried eyes. "you've, um... you've been busy lately." "uh-huh." you hummed as you tapped the end of your pencil against your desk impatiently, racking your brain for the answer to the questions written down that all seemed to blur together as the shittiness of the previous days just irritated you even more, and the worst part was... you couldn't hide the fact you can't mask ot anymore.
miles' face contorted as he got more and more worried about you, not knowing why you were acting starkly different than the usual you, or the only you he was familiar with. he extended his hand out to you as he walked over, looking at your cluttered up papers on your desk and the smudged up marks on the paper from your erasures. "...is something wr–" "everything's fine, i'm fine, i'm just peachy!" "you don't sound very convincing." he said, his voice returning to his nonchalant, cool tone as he took a small glimpse at your face before you turned away from his field of vision.
he sat in the chair next to you and wrapped his arm around you in an effort to comfort you. "cielo, sonething's up with you. are you... are you sure you don't wanna let me help?" he asked you with a soft voice, hoping he didn't overstep any boundaries as you slowly turned your head to show him a bit of your face. there were tears in your eyes, though you didn't dare let miles see them fall down your face; there was a sob stuck in your throat, but you didn't dare let miles hear it escape your lips. you had been there before, being severely troubled for more things than just homework–but never had you been advised to do anything than the age old phrases you've heard all your life as a kid: 'get over it.'
you took in a deep breath and tried to tell him what those words you've exhausted yourself from saying all the damn time–that you don't need any help, that you've got this, that you're okay... but your body's betraying you right now. it's betraying you for turning your back on your own feelings, but that... was never your fault, never. as you let out the breath you've been holding in, the hot tears came streaking down the ends of your eyes, your scowl morphing into a sad frown as you felt yourself slowly come undone and all the raging thoughts in your mind boiled down into one thought right then and there: 'fuck no, i am far from okay'.
you had one tear come down, then two, then... a whole waterfall of tears came pouring down your eyes as you finally released that sob you had been desperately keeping in. you had released it out into the air as it mingled with miles' shushing and gentle whispers as he held you while you leaned against him, wailing as you tried telling him how nothing had been right lately. you choked out in broken cries how you desperately wanted a way out of everything horrible that's been happening but you didn't want anyone else to be bothered by your 'stupid, insignificant problems'.
"i just... want to be okay... but i can't even pretend to be okay for at least one damn day." "please, stop pretending, mi vida. it's hurting me how you... how you think it's strength to rake up everything by yourself... when you clearly need help." miles said with a cracked voice as he felt himself choke up at your melancholic state. you cried even more out of guilt that you saddened miles, but he kissed your forehead, cheek–your whole face as he murmured words of reassurance, of love, to you to calm you down and comfort you. "you're not alone, not anymore... i don't care if some idiots in your life want you to deal with alone, never to bother them–you're never a bother to me, got that?" he mutters to you as he holds you close, letting you sob into his shoulder, your sobs getting louder and louder all the while. he shushes you and rubs your back gently, kissing your wet cheeks as he keeps reminding you that no matter what you're going through, what problems you're having, he's always going to be there for you–be the help you'll need, one way or another.
"please, don't be scared, mi vida... you can be honest with me. i promised to love you with all my heart, protect you, and... always be the help you'll need."
he whispered to you as he looked into your eyes and gently wiped your tears away and leaned his forehead against yours, hoping you would be more lenient, more understanding towards yourself and your own needs; and that you wouldn't hesitate to ask him for help. because even if you don't ask him to, he'll be there to help you, be there to guide you, be there to comfort you the best he can. because he loves you, and knows you deserve more than what you think you deserve, that you deserve... the best of the best, and nothing less.
tags !! @ii01vq @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @k4tsu3 @solecitoszn @toneystank-3000 @fiannee @popeheywardssecretgf @lovefrominaya @onginlove @meowmoraless @q2ie @zalayni @anikaluv @conitagray
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whole-circus · 9 months
Text
Creepypastas and small things they would do for you when you depressed!
➥ Jeff the Killer, Homicidal Liu, Eyeless Jack, Masky, Ben Drowned, "Ticci" Toby Hi, please dont be scared to get help if you feel like you need it - obvious thing but your feelings valid and you matter so much! And my DMs are always open! >:)
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.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.
☆ Jeff the Killer
Okay, Jeff isn't the best when it comes to comforting people, even if he really cares about them. He feels lost and has no idea what to do, but seeing you all miserable makes his heart break. Thats why I think he would do small acts of service. Don't expect a lot from him - he loves you, but he really is so awkward.. Thats why he brings you meals (he can't cook for shit), open the window in your room and let some air to it, he even clean around! Jeff also loves to spoil you! He know that he isn't the most affectionate, so he gives you a lot of small gifts! Maybe nice looking rocks, flowers, jewlery stolen from his victims....all romantic! Also things that reminds you of him! The one based on your personality, likes and stuf!! And dont even try to say that you dont deserve all that.. because deep down you mean everything to Jeff! Come on, there is a reason why he keept you alive, huh?
☆ Homicidal Liu
Absolute sweetheart when it comes to comforting you! You had a rough, long day? Even worse than normally? He is right here with you, doing his best. You just wanna seat in silence? Too tired to talk? Liu will be here. No sign of judgement on his face, just his typical soft and full of compasion smile. If you feel okay with him touching you, he would hold your hand or offer you a hug. No worries, you can stay in his soft embrace as long as you need it - its just you both agaist the world. He just want to make sure that you know he is here for you. Liu would talk about all things you are worried, trying to find solution if its possible, but he is also not too pushy when it comes to that. And no matter how you feel now, or if you will yell and cry, pushing him away - he is always here to got your back.
☆ Eyeless Jack
Jack is just another person with this comforting aura. At the end of hard day, you can't help but want cuddle to him and sob into his arms..And Jack is a great listener, always wanting to make you feel that your suffer is visible and heard! Thats why he is the best person to come vent to, or maybe just stay in his presence if you are too tired to talk! He doesn't talk too much, but he can if you want. Always ready to say something to cheer you up, and he doesn't make this stupid comments like "you dont look depressed" or "yeah same lol"! You are his everything and if you need a bit of help? Thats what relationship is all about, he doesnt mind at all! Just cuddle to him, tell him every thought of yours while he caress your head and gently rock back and forth!
☆ Masky
If Masky really does care about you (no worries, he does) he will be great when it comes to taking care about your body. Depression suck and we all know that well. Sometimes it takes away all of your energy and motivation, and its harder to take care of yourself. Thats why you have him! Masky would look after you a lot! He would check if you had eaten - you haven't? He will make you anything to eat, even for you to take small bite becasue you dont have appetite! Have problem with keeping yourself clean? Would help you shower or just clan with wet tissues, brush your teeth and wash your hair. And if your room gets too messy? Has no problem with helping you or just cleaning it by himself. He also keeps an eye on your sleep schedule! Masky doesn't judge - he knows how hard you already have it, and he just want to help. And needing help doesn't make you weak!
☆ Ben Drowned
Listen, Ben is such a dummy and cutie..he would try to make you laugh so bad..! He isnt doing it in this insistent, annoying way - he just do everything he can to make you smile! Cracking more jokes than usually, doing silly faces or you two could watch some silly video with cats/dogs...doesnt matter, he just try so much! He is also good person to stay in home with. He totally gets if you dont feel like socializing and going out, he already made you both a place so you could either play with him or just watch him play. Doesnt matter if you wanna talk, or if small-talk makes you annoyed and you just prefer to seat in silence. Big cuddle bug, so if that makes you feel better then he couldnt ask for more! Ben literally wants to make you feel even slightly better, but he also understand what you are going through and will always be by your side!
☆ "Ticci" Toby
As I said many many times, Toby is curious one - always ready to explore and do some fun stuff. And that makes him the perfect guy to make your days a bit brighter! Toby wants to be here for you, trying his best to get you out of bed and try new hobbies with you. When you are depressed its so easy to get into a routine, and just suffer from sadness and bad thoughts, laying in bed all day and starring at ceiling! And Toby doesn't want that silly! So no matter what is it- baking, cocking, some sport or artsy stuff - he loves that! But no worries, if you dont have that much energy, he will gladly stay with you in home, cuddling and watching movies. Its hard to be bored around him, he has some calming aura around. He understands that he won't make your deprresion dissapear, but Toby wants to make your days even a bit better.
.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.
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weebsinstash · 10 months
Note
GOD I am a slut for an entire yandere spider society; like not all romantic, and clearly Miguel being the alpha romance, but can you imagine?
Like your prompt where readers dopple was causing issues the way yandere society would react? Trying to find you, bring you home? A mile morales level chase lmao
Miguel: --and that concludes today's meeting on the recent anomalies. Now, are there any matters any members would like to present before we adjourn?
some rando running up the the stage with a bunch of materials: I've got one, I've got one!
Rando: *sets up a whole ass projector and suddenly a picture of your smiling face is up on the wall*
Rando: this is just a really good photo I got of them when we were hanging out the other day :) I thought they looked super cute and they said they were feeling happy
The crowd: *resounding 'ooo's and 'ah's*
Miguel, nodding in approval: excellent, agent OBT, keep up the good work
Absolutely obsessed with the idea that YouTwo was only able to basically steal your entire identity because the Society is so infatuated with you that any weird changes in your behavior are completely brushed off because they already like you so much that you'd have to do something like super outrageous and hurtful for them to like, really start getting suspicious. You're getting extremely depressed because you think you're being replaced by this impersonator when, in truth, the only reason everyone seems to instantly like them is because they literally look and sound exactly like you, and the SECOND it comes out that that ISNT you? Well. I mean. It's an entire society of Spiderpeople from across the multiverse. There's definitely at least ONE murderer who's going to 'take care of them' or at the very least they're kicked out of Nueva York and never allowed to travel the multiverse ever again
Like. I just. Cannot even imagine like. On one hand you think they would be so obsessed and observant kf you that they immediately know when theyre speaking to you or your double, i'm sure SOME people are suspicious, but, the idea of them just being so crazy for you "oh gosh yesterday I hung out with Reader and they kicked a puppy for getting dirt on them and the next day when I asked them about it they started crying about 'why is everyone accusing me of shit I didn't do' and said they hadn't hung out with me in weeks. They must just be really stressed from work, you know they push themselves so hard, we should tell Miguel to give them some PTO :(" like they would basically be willing to make excuses for almost anything you do because "oh that's just Reader aren't they great 🥰 they're a lil quirky sometimes but we love them"
YouTwo would honestly be such a nasty little manipulator and genuine threat to your safety because once they realize holy shit they really could have ANYTHING, they dont want to give that up. Imagine you start having situations like, oh your double accidentally bumps passed you so hard it knocks you over and basically no one reacts because they thought YOU were the extra. Things randomly falling on you from higher levels. Them pretending to be you and "creating scenes" in public where you're getting publicly berated. They start fake crying and saying you're being mean to them and suddenly you're being asked to leave?
It's this vicious back and forth of them treating you well and like they normally do and then suddenly treating you awful and you don't even realize it's because that two faced POS is literally stealing your costume or mask and any other personal effects to impersonate you. I can only imagine the PANDEMONIUM when they realize you're GONE gone or even worse, started becoming suicidal. I keep thinking back to my idea of Reader needing to wear one of their dimensional watches to help keep them tethered down so they don't glitch out and potentially taking it off and it just makes them blink somewhere else instead of, like, die. And, like, there's just some public incident where a bunch of them become aware Oh Shit You're Not Doing Good.
Like. I have a draft started and I started getting down like a specific scene I couldn't get out of my head. Reader is needing to be needed and the Society has this project where they're trying to make a big large scaled elevator sort of platform for like, older and disabled Spiders so they don't all have to swing everywhere and can still be included, and just for Spiders who may be tires after a long day and don't want to swing and climb, and there's some massive incident where it's starting to break apart spring construction of you rush to help because you NEED to be helpful again, you NEED to feel like you matter, and everyone is trying to band together to keep all this debri and rubble from falling below and you're literally like, have one arm hanging on to a tether and your other arm holding up this massive like bus sized piece of the elevator shaft that had started to fall. And people are literally screaming at you to just let it drop, but you're saying they have no idea if everyone below was evacuated, and this elevator is so important, everyone's been working so hard, you can't just let it break, even as trying to hold it up is practically tearing you in half
You manage to create a calculated array of webs that supports it from completely falling but some falling pieces and rubble still break apart and you're so worn down that you just knocked off a platform and fall, landing hard and even having shit fall on top of you. You're just pinned by a massive piece of concrete and you're too exhausted from pushing yourself to hard for the last few weeks that you can't lift it off. You smacked different surfaces on the way down and somehow your bracelet came off and you're glitching. You can see the bracelet caught on a piece of rebar thats far away but close enough to grab if you shoot a web. But. Suddenly you cant find the motivation to. The rescue team and other Spiders and most important Miguel finally arrive on the scene to find you basically about to completely fade away or teleport or whatever and everyone is freaking out, trying to pick through the debris for the watch, lifting the construction materials off of your body (but I imagine you probably broke something, fractured a femur or something similar) and Miguel notices you keep glancing behind him, but. He doesn't miss how resigned you look, how tired and deflated you sound as you ask if the elevator is ok to which almost everyone responds hey yo FUCK the elevator you're about to like DIE??? And you just. Kind of laugh and say "at least i helped and did at least one good thing in my life" which freaks them all out, and eventually Miguel turns around to look where you keep glancing at and sees the bracelet just in time and his heart breaks as he realizes, holy shit you could see it was hanging there but just. Wasn't going to tell them. You were just going to die.
But hey, only he really makes that realization and you only have to deal with him having that knowledge, right? Wrong. He goes to put it back on you and countless Spiders can see and hear as you shake your head and close your eyes and whimper "just let me go. I don't belong here"
So now basically EVERYONE knows AND now you're straight up in a fucking wheelchair and Miguel tells you, obviously you'll be having no more work until you're completely healed up, and even though that's to help you it actually makes you more upset because like, imagine they give your job to your double. So now, in your mind, you have no reason to be here. You feel like you're completely alone and now your "purpose" is gone and you're BEGGING HIM not to do this to you, that you can still do SOMETHING, and this man is looking at you literally injured in a wheelchair being, by no exaggeration, HYSTERICAL, and thinks "yeah no, poor Reader DEFINITELY needs a break, obviously being so obsessed with being useful isn't healthy, a break from their responsibilities will help them rest" and, like, kind of true but it also just makes you feel so much worse
I imagine YouTwo would HATE you being in the wheelchair too because now people can definitively tell the two of you apart and the imposter can't suck up all the perks of you being the local darling and they're even angrier than before because YT is like "wow so even after all this time, I still don't compare" and vows to basically fucking kill you (and hey maybe they were even behind the elevator collapsing?)
But you finally decide you can't take it anymore once you're out of the chair, those constantly watching eyes and people hanging around you --which really is the whole yandere thing but also them wanting to keep an eye on you so you dont get hurt-- you interpret it as them thinking you're stupid and incompetent and I imagine you just kind of. Blow up. Get triggered. Reach your breaking point. You had just been insisting that you do a certain task alone or visit a certain place by yourself without having an extra shadow or two or twelve and you're just, you've had it, your stress from EVERYTHING is coming out in this moment and you're just SCREAMING, "Leave me alone, just give me some FUCKING SPACE" and you just TAKE OFF and that's when we get a massive chase. Obviously given that they're you know yandere and you're so extremely upset and have had mental health issues they IMMEDIATELY take after you and someone is phoning Miguel and at some point you're literally like, swinging in between traffic to try and lose your pursuers and you can hear Miguel behind you and it's just unlocking this insane sense of fear and panic and fight or flight inside of you. They're making it so much worse by chasing you and in THEIR minds they're just worried about you and think you're just having a panic attack? Which you are but like, from your perspective, you're literally being smothered and you ask for some time alone and now you're being hunted down and now you're just upset and panicking
You have to be literally tackled and at this point you're just getting angry and belligerent. Some rando is like "Reader this isn't you, we had so much fun last week at the mall when I bought you all that stuff" nd you're just like "I don't even know who you are, what the fuck are you talking about, ove barely left home in the last 3 months except for work" and suddenly so many people are popping up in the crowd,
"Wait so it wasn't you I leant 50 bucks to last Tuesday?"
"No!"
"But you and I went out to the mall yesterday?"
"You mean when I was sleeping at home all day?"
"Weren't you with us when we stole a bunch of stuff from the British Musuem with Pavitr?"
"Who the FUCK is Pavitr?!"
Everyone starts absolutely freaking the fuck out and clamoring amongst themselves, comparing stories, and they quickly realize, oh holy shit they've actually barely seen you around for months, almost NO ONE has actually spent time with the real you. Your doppelganger was so efficient and on their toes at never getting caught that the Society never even realized you were basically gone and now they're all kicking themselves as you lay there crying "you guys didn't even notice I was gone? You can't even tell us apart?"
Miguel calls for an emergency meeting with every Spider in the super secret We Love Reader club as everyone irons out their stories and gives their personal accounts while Miguel reviews it with security footage and they start to fully grasp just how BADLY this-this IMPOSTER has-has-has DEFILED their bonds with you and drove you into isolation and self doubt and they're all raving, lynch mob mad. And obviously unless they're like, completely out of their minds, they can't KILL your faker, but, like.... they can beat them half to death though. Like could you imagine that some of these Spiders have been deadass giving like really significant meaningful gifts they intended to you and it was given to A STRANGER? Some Peter Parker finds out, oh shit he gave that old token from Uncle Ben to THEM, not YOU? So many of them confronting the faker and finding out they've just been stealing tons of gifts and money and favors and shit and they've GOTTEN RID OF some of the things that were meant for YOU. These are some seriously pissed off stalkers at this point.
But Jesus. The absolute mayhem if they didn't find all of this out until you've already snuck off to a normal, Spider free section of Nueva York or another dimension entirely and you've just been GONE. Their guilt and realization that they drove you away amd you left to never have to see any of them. You're just like trying to live a normal life in an apartment somewhere and suddenly at least 5 costumed pursuers are suddenly in your living room with Miguel checking you all over and making sure you're not hurt anywhere, hell maybe he even finds self harm cuts, some new, some clesrly older, and they make it abundantly clear that you're NOT staying here by yourself. You're coming back to the Society HQ in Nueva York and you're getting an even better (and bugged) apartment than you had before and they're gonna make sure they pay more attention yo you this time, right? No more crazy stunts, and definitely no more trying to leave.
Ok. Ok I know this post is getting long but I have one last bit. What if the alternative to YouTwo getting exposed and them having to come after you is, YouTwo actually manages to "switch your places" or something, maybe they even switch their costume wirh yours while stealing yours so you're walking around dressed as them, looking for them to get your costume back, and suddenly you're being confront by Miguel and a ton of other Spiders because that evil little rat ran to them fake crying saying that "the other me impersonating me" and, you're kind of being deliberately trapped in a scenario where you look kind of guilty. Like imagine YouTwo is escorted away and suddenly Miguel and the rest are being rude to you and when you try to tell O'Hara "I'm not lying, I'm the REAL--" and he just slaps you and tells you to leave the city and never come back, and AFTER they treated you so deliberately terribly, THAT'S when they realize what happened
I'm definitely not like hyperfixating on these guys and this concept and Spider Reader stuff, what, that's crazy lmao
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n0vabug · 8 months
Text
I never meant for this to happen
So basically this story is about the reader and Sam fighting because Sam wants to leave NY, and then she says something that makes the reader really upset and the reader tells Sam to leave, then Sam feels bad and tries to call the reader but the reader doesn't answer and Sam goes back, turns out the reader was attacked by ghostface and then there is more that I don't want to spoil 👍👍
This Contains: Fights scenes, blood, gore, angst, fluff, mentions of depression and mental illnesses, and more, if any of these make you uncomfortable, I recommend that you do NOT read this!! Also if I write in bold in the story, that means ghostface is talking. Words: 1573
Y/N'S POV "PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE SAM, WE JUST MOVED HERE AND BECAME FRIENDS WITH ANIKA AND ETHAN AND QUINN, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME SAM, BY LEAVING NEW YORK, YOURE LEAVING ME, TARA, CHAD, MINDY, AND EVERYONE ELSE." Tears were forming in my eyes as I spoke, I was upset, I knew that I shouldn't have yelled but I did anyways. She was trying to leave again, but this time, I didn't want to leave, I wasn't going to leave and I told her that, she promised no matter what happened, we wouldn't leave again, I can't believe her.
"I HAVE TO YOU DONT GET IT, I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS ALL OVER AGAIN, I JUST CANT Y/N, YOU COULD COME WITH ME." Sam said, I honestly felt bad for her but why couldn't she just ignore it, I honestly was mad, but sad?? Idk I just wasn't happy about this, I also hate yelling and fighting, which made me feel even worse.
"HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH US, WE HAVE NO IDEA, ITS HALLOWEEN, PEOPLE ARE GONNA DRESS UP AS GHOSTFACE, ESPECIALLY SERIAL KILLERS, PLEASE DONT LEAVE SAM, I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU." Warm tears were streaming down my face as I spoke, my voice broke mid sentence and I was trying so hard not to just completely break down.
"Y/N, YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT WE COULD DIE BECAUSE OF THIS, YOURE TOO BUSY BEING DEPRESSED ZONING OUT ALL THE TIME TO EVEN NOT....ice, shit i'm so sorry I swear I didn't mean it." She paused when saying notice, she realized she messed up by saying that. But did she just bring up my fucking mental illnesses, wtf. The warm tears stopped as I looked at her with betrayal and sadness in my eyes, why would she fucking bring that up. I think she quickly noticed what she said too because she looked at me with pure regret and sadness.
"Get out sam." I didn't even hesitate to say that, I truly loved her and didn't want her to leave NY, but I needed her to leave my apartment, I couldn't be around her at the moment. "No, wait, I'm sor-" "GET THE FUCK OUT SAM." I know it was wrong of me to yell, again, but it worked because she walked out as quickly as she could. The second she slammed the door, warms tears were pouring out of my eyes again and I couldn't breath, I love my girlfriend so much, but why would she say that, I know she didn't mean it, but still. I walked out of the living room, and walked into my room, trying to calm myself down.
After 5 minutes, I get a call from an unknown number, I quickly try to calm myself so I sound like I wasn't just crying, so I pick up. "Hello?" I said "Hello Y/n" The voice is a bit familiar, too familiar, and not the good type. "Who is this?" I quickly asked. "Are you a little upset Y/n, poor sam, she was only trying to protect herself from getting killed, she didn't want to deal with this a second time, but you took it the wrong way. Shut her out. Didn't even give her a chance to apologize, now poor sam, she's out on her own, what if she gets butchered all because of you, y/n." Shit. Shit. Shit.
Next thing I know I'm running out of my room, towards the door. I can't let Sam die, she's one of the few people who stayed after finding out about my past and my problems. I had to get to her.
Next thing I know, a cold metal blade was pressed into my thigh, with a guy in a black costume and white mask. I screamed as blood dripped down my thigh and bled through my jeans. I then felt the metal enter my stomach 3 times, then get twisted, I screamed as loud as I could, hoping someone would hear me. "Any last words, Y/n" "Is sam ok?" I struggled to speak but managed to get those words out, I truly needed to know if Sam was okay. I needed her to be okay. The guy in the mask then stabbed me in the shoulder one last time. My eyes felt heavy and fluttered close until all I saw was darkness...
SAM'S POV I left the apartment, tears streaming down my face. I didn't mean it. I love her more than anything, and I did not mean what I said. She is the greatest person I know, even if she did have some problems, but so did I, and we were overcoming our problems together, she didn't leave me even after she found out about Billy, I didn't even think about leaving her after finding out about her mental illnesses, so after we moved to NY, I could tell she was happier and getting better, and I know me leaving, broke her heart, I could see the sadness in her eyes and the tears streaming down her face during the argument. I had to go back.
I started walking back towards her apartment and as I did, I picked up my phone trying to call her, even after arguments that we had, she always answered my calls, she was really quick at answering because she always had her phone on her at all times, but this time, she didn't pick up. So I called again. no answer. I was starting to worry, maybe she was just really mad and still wanted to answer, but I was still worried. I started walking quicker until it turned into me running. I had the key to my girlfriend's apartment since she had a spare, and since I practically lived there. I unlocked the door. "Y/n?" I look around until I see something that I wish was a dream. Her lifeless body. In a pool of red liquid. "Y/n?" Tears formed in my eyes. "Y/N PLEASE WAKE UP!" I called 911, as I talked on the phone, I broke down, tears streaming down my face. This is all my fault.
I tried putting pressure on her wounds, but the bleeding didn't stop and the paramedics were taking to long. I picked her up, her cold lifeless body in my arms, her apartment was on the fifth floor, I had to run down the stairs with her, as I ran down the stairs I yelled for help. "HELP" "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!" I kept saying, until I reached the ground floor, where I met with the paramedics.
They put her onto a stretcher, bandaged her wounds as much as possible, and then put her into the ambulance. I got in the ambulance with her, and held her cold but soft hand the whole way there. I felt terrible, I never meant for any of this to happen.
We arrived at the hospital and they took her in to get stitches since her wounds were deep, so I had to sit in the waiting room until they called my name. After about 45 minutes I got called to the back, "Samantha Carpenter, Y/n L/n is out of surgery, she isn't awake but if you want, you can go wait in her room until she is." "Thank you, I'll go wait with her, what's her room number." I'm glad she was alive, I still feel terrible, all I felt was guilt, if I didn't argue with her and if I just chose to stay in NY, maybe none of this would have happened. "314." Said the lady at the front desk, I walked to room 314, my footsteps grew quicker within each step I took.
I finally reached her room, I opened the door, and pulled a chair next to her bed. She was still asleep, I hated seeing her like this, I just can't help but think this is all my fault. I sat beside her bed, with my head down and one hand on the bed. After a few minutes, I felt a warm and soft touch on top of my hand, I look up, her beautiful y/e/c (your eye color), eyes were looking directly at me, while she was smiling.
"Omg, Y/n, thank god you're okay, I was so worried, I thought you weren't gonna make it, listen I'm so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen, this is all my fault, I never wanted to leave NY, and especially leave you, I don't think I will leave NY now because I need to keep you safe, but I shouldn't have argued or even yelled, and I feel especially terrible for bringing up the mental health thing, I didn't mean it I swear, I promise you that I never meant to hurt you, I'm so sorry, ple-" I was ranting until I felt her soft lips press against mine, we kissed until we both ran out of breath. "I forgive you sam, I know you didn't mean it, I love you so much" She pulled me into a kiss again, this time a quicker one. "I love you more, I'm never leaving you again." I said, before I hugged her, I hugged her tighter than I ever have before, but also tried avoiding her injuries while hugging her, I love her to the stars and beyond.
A/N I wrote this whole thing while being half a sleep, and really distracted because my bsf was over while I wrote this and I kept pausing in the middle so we could talk to each other. I can't really tell if I like this or not, I don't 100% love the little fight scene at the beginning but idk, there are things that I could fix with both of them. Idk but let me know if you want anymore, also thank you to whoever reads these because I think these are shitty a lot of time and seeing that people actually read this makes me happy so thank you so much!! <3
UPDATE: I HATE THIS SM, THE FIGHT SCENE IS LOWKEY STUPID BC I DON'T THINK SAM WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT HERE IS ANOTHER ONE FROM WATTPAD THAT WAS MADE IN MAY😭😭
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psychwxrdd · 18 days
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hiii, i dont know if you still think about doing something about txt or other kpop boy group, but i really think your writing would fit this: reader break up with yeonjun because he is too unhealthy in love with her and he goes all sad boy shit
first of all, i will alwayssss write about them babe, especially txt and nct cause they both my fav boy groups 😭 and second of all i absolutely loved this request, i love writing about depressive stuff and miserable man!!
you turn the inside out, and then you want the outside in
summary: he always feared that his love would be too much, that it would might kill you; just like when you give a plant too much water.
warnings: pure angsty, depression, avoidant issues
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"You know it's not like that, Jun" you said almost murmuring, as the boy walked in circles, anxiously. He stopped, running his hands through his hair nervously, and looked at you sadly. His eyes were red, desperate. His hands were shaking a little, you could tell.
"I need you to give me a solid reason. Tell me, when or what exactly did I do that made you stop loving me?"
"I haven't stopped loving you! I just feel like it overwhelms me, it's too much for me-"
"Fuck...That's what I don't understand!" He sat on the floor. He really was falling apart emotionally.
"I just think we should give each other some space..."
"Screw you, Y/n, you won't fucking leave me!"
He sobbed, and then lowered his head crying while covering his face with his knees. He wasn't drunk, just young and in love, hopelessly. Obsessed.
You knew it wasn't a good time to argue, he was clearly out of his mind. Slowly, you approached, and ran your hands through his hair, making him hold your hand and rush in for a hug.
Yeonjun was now crying into your neck, hugging you so tight that you thought he was going to really crush you. He held you in a desperate, possessive way, he was afraid that you would make any movement indicating that you were going to get up and leave.
"I'm sorry..."
"I know" you stroked his back.
"I can't live without you, I won't be able to, please, Y/n... Physically, I mean physically. I want to throw up every time you're not around."
This was much worse than you ever imagined it to be.
"I...I know I need help, I know, but I need you until then. Until I get help..."
"But what about me, Yeonjun? What about me? God, I..."
You wanted to tell the truth. You loved him, but his excessive love behavior triggered you. Your problems with detachment. You now felt disgusted by his affection, you wanted to run away, and you knew it would hurt you. You still loved him, but your body physically rejected him.
“You what, Y/n?” He asked, anxiously.
"I don't want to be with you anymore, I can't be with you anymore." You said, painfully. The boy felt everything inside him breaking into a thousand pieces, his chest hurt intensely.
He couldn't even say anything, the pain was so much that he remained static, silent. As if he was dissociating.
"And I'm sorry for being like this, I didn't mean to" your eyes filled with tears. "I understand if you hate me, and don't want to look me in the face anymore, but it's not something I could choose or control. I'm really sorry."
"Is there someone else?"
You stared at him in disbelief.
"No, what? No, Yeonjun, this has nothing to do with anyone else!"
"Don't lie, I need and want to know the truth. Have you fallen in love with someone else?"
"I can't be in love with anyone, that's the problem here!"
His eyes showed how much he was suffering from that conversation.
He didn't said anything else, just getting up and walking with firm steps to the door, slamming it hard. You cried for the rest of the whole night. Yes, you loved him, you knew. But you didn't knew what to do with it, you didn’t knew how to deal with it. You never learned how.
Over the next few weeks, you didn’t heard from Yeonjun again. You didn't saw him at college, you didn't saw him on streets, on any social media. Your mutual friends also had no idea how the boy was doing, and so you discovered that he was avoiding everyone.
Soobin, his closest friend, called you to talk about him. So you knew that at least someone had news. They shared a dorm, and the tallest one said that Yeonjun was in a terrible state. He wouldn't leave his room for anything, and when he did, he had a dead look on his face. Deep dark eyebags, looking pale, thinner than normal. The boy didn't even talked anymore, and when questioned, he'd say he was too tired for that.
The only times Soobin saw him were in the early hours of the morning, smoking alone or drinking. His diet was basically cigarettes and whiskey now, a few snacks here and there to keep him from fainting.
"He's severely depressed, I'm not asking you to get back together with him" Soobin said, in a worried manner "Just... Talk to him, ok?"
You hated knowing that Yeonjun felt like that, you felt guilty. It wasn't your fault, but it was inevitable.
You agreed, following him to the dorm.
When he entered, you felt anxiety taking over. You would see your ex with whom you had a less than pleasant breakup for the first time in weeks. Soobin knocked on his bedroom door, and the boy responded in a slurred and rude manner.
"What?"
"There is someone here who wants to talk to you"
Your heart beated faster. Hearing footsteps towards the door, and when it opened, you felt an immense pain... He didn't even looked like the same Yeonjun you knew. He looked like a ghost, someone with no life, soul.
The boy's eyes widened when they reached you, he remained static. In an uncomfortable silence for seconds.
Soobin caressed your shoulder, and without much, he just left you both alone.
“Hi,” you said, barely audible. He felt a lump in his throat. He did not answer. The same sadness from that day was there, in that look. Watching you closely.
"Jun..."
"Why did you came here for?" He asked dryly.
"You need help, I was worried"
"Worried?" He chuckled, with no humor.
"You know it's true"
He stared at you annoyed.
"Go home, Y/n, I have nothing to talk to you about"
"I love you"
That caught him off guard.
"Don't say that just because you feel sorry for me"
"I don't pity you. I love you, I need help as much as you do"
Fuck it. You wanted him to go insane, didn't you? He thought. The pale boy pulled you into the room, locking the door.
"You're not leaving here until you tell me exactly what is this. What the fuck is going on. You're driving me fucking crazy. First you break up saying you're not able to love anyone, and know you show up here telling me that you love me? Bullshit, you're messing with my head!"
"I feel trapped when someone loves me, Yeonjun, I don't know how to be loved, it's strange, it's horrible for me!"
He sat on his bed, sighing. He looked at you for a while, and you swore you saw a small sparkle in his eyes. Like a shooting star.
He missed you, he missed you so terribly, so bad. He was mesmerized by the sight of you again, he wanted to hug you tightly, to cry, to scream and curse at you for leaving him and then kiss you till the both of you were dead. He was holding himself to not cry like a baby.
"Do you miss me?" He asked, serious.
You took a deep breath.
"I figured i do miss you, Jun...So much." You confessed "But please, don't ask me about how i feel. I know i love you and i know i miss you, thats all i can say"
"We can work this out, shit, I'm not going to give up on you... Please, sleep here tonight, we'll talk tomorrow morning. You can decide if you're going to disappear from my life forever or stay here until I die, but for tonight, just stay here with me."
And so, you slept with him. He didn't knew how you would both resolve this and if you would both resolve it, but for tonight, your bodies were together once again. Ending the longing, only the moon witnessed you both. For tonight, you were his again. He asked you to say it, again and again, even if it wasn't true. He could die in peace if for one last time he had the false illusion that you were his girl, that you belonged to him.
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