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a-spell-a-rebel-yell · 1 year

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December

wow, i'm sooo good at procrastinating. hehe hi pals, hope you're all doing great! i swear i promised myself i'll write the Dec post on Dec 31st, 2022, but i managed to post this one on Jan 1st, 2023 :-) oh well.

don't blame me for spending quality time with my family and cousins for the new year's eve! i got distracted (again, for the 28648236th time) it was so fun, with my mum's guidance we cooked our favourite spicy Tom Yum, penne bolognese, and kimchi fried rice!!! yes, it was a Thai-Italian-Korean meals day kind of thing.

then as we count down the last hours of 2022 we did the family tradition: horror films marathon! this time we're exploring/rewatching Indonesian horror films. we got KKN Desa Penari, Pintu Terlarang, Modus Anomali, and then Pengabdi Setan 2. yes, in this house we love Joko Anwar's works.

in the last five minutes of 2022 we got up, stretched, went outside, and played with some firecrackers! purposely turned off the garden lights so it'd shone brighter. took photos and videos, then we went back inside. being in the middle of the city, on midnight the noise of fireworks shooting up to the sky was loud. it didn't stop for a whole fifteen minutes, but we enjoyed it: free entertainment!

sleep time yet? nope. it's indomie time!!! we watched a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Raven's Home for good ol' times' sake. had more talks, then at 3 AM we all went to bed. went without saying, we woke up pretty late today hehe.

i'm going backwards here because after that Dec 31st review, now let's talk about December in general. as usual, as predicted, it was a-ok month, just like any other month. i think the highlight that is the Labuan Bajo trip is already covered in the November post. on second week of December i had a scientific forum meeting and i got to see some of my Weekend Ceria besties! it was a bit of a funny coincidence that our little reunion was just a little bit over one year anniversary of our national dentist board exam day... though now each of us is so busy with our own work, it's getting super hard to find time for us to meet u___u

on last week of December my favorite Brisbane-based cousin came home to Indonesia for a three-weeks vacay! so happy to see her again and this time i get to meet her boyfriend (which after a lengthy session of interrogation i found is so nice and so in tune with me, so he passed my test haha) and we're planning a cousins sleepover this first week of January (will do write the story on the next post!) still kinda sad though because another favorite cousin of mine just moved to Frankfurt a few months back and he said he won't be coming back to Indonesia for approximately five years. the cherry on top is getting another cousin i haven't met in so long to join us in this little gathering!

overall this month i get to spend a lot of time with my family and cousins, which energized me to the fullest. 2022 has been nice to me and i'm so excited with what 2023 has to offer. i have no room in my life other than for these people, my loved ones, my immediate family. again and again i'm so grateful for my mum and dad, the solid rock and pillar and foundation of my life, that are always there for me, no matter what and when, in the most literal sense. late night talks with my mum and alone dates with my dad are my talisman, i carry their light, i have them with me wherever i go.

this year i'm so glad to finally know and learned which ones to keep, when to walk away, put healthy and respectable boundaries, to fight and try again, and to keep on going despite all. to finally know what i want and look for, and to never be sorry to save myself first. to do good and be good. to believe and trust time and Allah's plans, whatever is mine will find its way to me, sooner or later.

so, happy new year to you lot! wishing 2023 to bring us all only good things and happy days all year round. especially for you, the one and only you, over there across the world, just like how i've told you so many times over eighteen long years we've been best friends: i hope you're always happy, healthy, and loved.

#alhamdulillah #thanks 2022 #adios ciao adieu au revoir farewell auf wiedersehn #hello 2023 #let's play the game #and win it! YEAH #bismillahirrahmanirrahim

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chryseumaureus · 2 years

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Hi. How did you function when you’ve been burned out? I saw you’ve been posting about it.I hope you’re better now ❤️❤️ What helped you the most? I just can’t get over it.. Maybe seeking professional help wouldn’t be bad but the shame 🙁🙁..

Aww, thank you, you beautiful soul! Yes, I am better now 🌟🥰 incoming long answer to your question. I have no ability to be concise,,, it's an essay at this point, but I hope you find it a little helpful :>

1. How I felt and functioned when I burned out

I basically fell into a state of not wanting to meet people, not wanting to do anything, and just getting really tired doing the simplest tasks (like I could just eat and sleep and I'm still tired). I just want to lie on my bed every day, underneath my blanket, and not move; endlessly consuming fanfiction and webtoons since as works of fiction, they have the ability to give me at least some reprieve from reality. I don't touch my messages or social media too, hence the lack of activity.

The vicious cycle for me here is that I am tired -> I procrastinate and do other things not related to work -> time flies, work isn't done but deadlines do NOT change -> I realize I now have lesser time to do it -> stress increases -> I try not 2 panic and instead stay up for nights to do my work; sleep in the morning -> I get even more tired, my health sucks, process repeats.

this builds up and it goes 2 ways - I either suck it up and just continue the unhealthy lifestyle until the semester is over, or I just don't do anything at all for 2-3 days, feel a little bit better, then go back to the grind. my sole motivation to keep going then is that I don't want to see my CGPA drop below 4.0/5.0.

My best friend tells me that people usually start their engines from 10%, to 20%, then it slowly inches up. When they are tired, it drops by 10%, then another 10%. But, it's easy enough to get back on track.

Meanwhile, there's me - I'm either 100% or 0%; there's no in-between :") And it's true, and that's an unhealthy way to function. When I burn out, I'm at 0%; I don't do anything for a few days/hours, recharge 10%, then I go zooming off again. If you charged your laptop like that, wouldn't it spoil in a few months? :"))))))))

"Of course you burn out la" Funny as it is, it gave me perspective on this issue.

The thing is that logically I know I should focus on doing my work; working through them step by step is better than procrastinating and doing it at the last minute. But sometimes I can't bring myself to do anything since my brain hurts; I can't think; I don't want to think. Perhaps you can relate. I'm stressed but I can't cry/break down cos I gotta keep moving forward.

Sounds p crappy now that I think about it. Oof.

2. How I got past it

The first thing I turn to when I burn out is fanfiction/webtoons. Things that don't require any brain effort, because that's usually the source of my burnout. That falls under doing things that you like - like your hobbies.

Identify what is causing the burnout, stop doing it, then go and do something that's the opposite of it / doesn't relate to it. It could be as short as 5 minutes (if that's all you can spare), or it could be hours. Do what you need to, 'cause if you're burning out:

1. Doing any more work wouldn't produce better work; usually it's the opposite.

2. Your body's telling you to rest.

If you realize you burnout because you cannot finish your work / you have a very slow pace, then perhaps you should dig deeper and find out why and what causes you to do that. Me? I know I'm just slow compared to some of my friends so I need to start work earlier and learn to do things more efficiently. That's what I'm working on this year.

Understand that burnout doesn't go away immediately - it can take months (after my final exam in tertiary education, it took me half a year before I stopped having that fatigue that is present even when you sleep; and I was working a chill, admin job then.). So, just focus on the little improvements you can make, that will eventually accumulate into something powerful. Even if you prolong getting burnout/loss of stamina for just 1 day, it's still an achievement. Next time, you can do even better - maybe 2 days. If you fail, that's okay - just stand back up again, and try again. Just don't give up.

A friend of mine told me that it is more important to pace yourself and be able to sustain the effort in whatever we do.

So part 2 of what I did was to work backward and plan ahead so I can avoid burnout situations as much as possible - before the semester starts. And to actually listen to the plan, and not deviate from it. I'm still struggling with that. :")

That means writing down when I need to start my assignments (2 weeks before); when I need to start exam revision (usually 2-3 weeks before exams); how long I should allocate for my post-lesson study sessions.

Once I have those big goals done, I fit in the other deadlines from club matters. I have a better picture of what is coming up - I know roughly what to expect. If there are days I have more than 3 events in a day, I should ideally not do any work and just go to bed once I'm home. And not add more stuff to my plate for that day. It's hard sometimes because you can be busy for all 7 days of the week, so make sure you schedule a day off the next week so you have something to look forward to! :> Or reschedule things that you can.

It sounds very simple, but working on things early, or doing things bit by bit consistently is something I struggled with doing because I'm the type who does last-minute work - you saw my 0-100% analogy. I still struggle, but at least it's not as bad as before - it helps prolong the period before I start losing stamina.

The third thing to do is to never forget social interaction. Stupid Covid has rendered me into a hermit and I'm hardly the only one. I can spend an entire semester 95% at home, and again - that's very unhealthy.

What I do now is schedule meals with my friends after an assignment is due. I rest for 2 -3 days, don't touch schoolwork, then I come back to it. This will help with not burning out because you have appropriate breaks. If you cannot go out, at least have a call w your friends and play some games, talk nonsense, etc. :>

at this point, if you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me - if you're comfy w that; if it helps. :>

I think that's all I can think of. :D

3. Seeking professional help

I haven't sought out any professional help before, and I do not know your circumstances, but if you need a voice of encouragement - I'm telling you "Yes, go for it!" :D.

Nothing to be ashamed of. My friends have recommended me to go for therapy, even if I "feel that I don't need any help", which I do think so (because I feel I can still handle what life throws at me) - but I have considered going to my campus' counseling services per a friend's recommendation.

It's always good to talk to someone about how you feel, what you think, etc. It doesn't mean you have something wrong - humans inherently want to be listened to, and it's never good to bottle up your feelings. If you need to let go and talk to someone qualified, please do.

If you cannot, the next best person would be someone close to you whom you trust. I understand sometimes those closest to us may/do not understand our situations, so if you feel you need to, see a therapist/counselor.

If you know of friends who are/have gone for therapy, you may want to seek their advice. If you feel you need to, you may want to ask someone you trust (if you have someone like that) to accompany you too - like a friend.

Mental health, self-care, and self-love are just as important as our physical health. While I haven't sought out any professional help, I have my own checks in place to monitor my mental health. First thing when I'm stressed/burnt out, I retreat inwards and focus on loving and caring for myself. Cause if I can't function, I am going to be in trouble and I'm my best supporter. Call me selfish, but I don't care. I know I am important to me.

I also frequently reflect and find out what I should focus on or get rid of. That helps me a lot in identifying my own emotions towards people, things, and events in my life. If there are bad days - why and what triggered it? What about the good days - how can I have more of that? Stuff like that helps me.

I also try to be honest with my friends if I can, and tell them my social battery is non-existent and I have no capability to interact, so can we meet another day instead? Might take a while for your friends to accept it, or they won't, or they will - at least you're being honest. They'll adapt to you; if they cannot, then I think that's a little questionable for someone who calls u a friend. (same thing as "your personality attracts the kind of people you meet").

okay this essay is getting out of hand i shall stop here HAHAHA sorry to bore anyone who is reading this :")

to Anon - good luck! 💖💖💖 burnout is terrible to recover from, but from it, you also learn a lot of things about yourself that will bring you further in life. See challenges as periods of growth, and - you can do this! :D

#essay time #mental health #chryseumaureus #asks and replies #burnout recovery #burnout #seeking help #self love #self care #anon u can do it!

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