#it's just azriel holds a special place in my cold dead heart

[weirdfanaus]

The Path that Leads Home

Summary: Azriel, on a mission in Day Court, finds himself in a moment of weakness, but somehow he finds his way back home with a life-changing dream in mind.

Rating: Mature

Words:  3347

Pairing: Azriel (ACoTaR) and Original Character

Author’s Note:  All characters except the original one are from A Court of Thorns and Roses. The original one was created by a friend and she allowed me to use her in this story. You can find her under @majolishdustybooks​ .

No spoilers for A Court of Silver Flames

Also on Ao3

Azriel didn't know what to do. 

He had always known what was going on, but now he was lost. 

He was in the middle of nowhere, had muddy attire, no trace of the target he was chasing and a mood at its lowest. 

He sat down on a stump and felt how his syphons hummed in agreement; they needed a break too. He sighed, combing his hair with his fingers and angled his head towards the warm light. 

The sun shone and through the dome of leaves, its rays got to his tanned and tired face. 

And the only thing he wanted was to sleep. 

Azriel and his spies had been chasing his target for more than three months. And when they found that they had been hiding in a forest over the border with the Day Court, he didn't care who was supposed to take care of them. Thus, he winnowed near the frontier and used his connections and knowledge about that court to pass it as silently as possible. 

But the mission after passing it… was not as easy as it was supposed to be. 

The Day Court had always meant something else for the Spymaster. He was feeling closer to home, calmer and even younger. His instincts were different than usual and his lazy syphons, having a mind of their own too, were enjoying their time in the court of light more than they should. 

He was sitting against another tree, half of the front of his leathers open due to the heat and was trying to find the will to fight the sleep that was slowly conquering his whole body.

A voice broke the silence of the forest, the birds stopped singing and the Illyrian opened an eye and looked at at the owner of the voice:

"Wow! The Night Court's Spymaster sleeping? During daylight? I've lived to see this day! I thought that you, bats, slept only during the night. Is the Night Court no longer good for you, old man? Decided that you preferred the sun over the moon and the stars?"

His siphons suddenly woke up. 

"Nice to see you're alive too, Cyra," he replied with a tougher voice, sleep already clouding his body. 

"Darn! You really must like me, if you are still half asleep right now."

If it were autumn, her proximity would've been alerted by the fallen leaves. But because they were still enjoying the calm weather and longer days, the summer gave Azriel the lisp of the leaves’ help. 

"One of our guards caught Edgard trying to break into the main building." That sentence was a wake-up call for the Spymaster and when he stood up, back in the middle of the clearing, he noted how close he was to the female. 

The silence was familiar. He didn’t like to talk too much when it wasn’t needed, but her presence demanded it and his heart and mind was happy to oblige.

And that's why, even though it was not needed, Azriel's right corner of the lip rose and a "Hi" broke the silence.

Cyra's hazel eyes sparkled at his tone and, because of the light, they became greener. Her lips curved in a smile too, while saying: "Hello, Azriel. Nice to see you alive and well. Heard you made new friends." 

The male shrugged and stretched his wings lazily, while the female was assessing him, looking judgely. He knew that his wings were something meaningful to her, not only because they were his, but also because of her Illyrian heritage. His wings, scarred and darker than wet tree branches, connected her to her mother, whose wings brought the late female more pain than freedom. 

“Can we go to where you hold him? I need to winnow him to the Court of Nightmares and get him to talk.” Cyra was somehow caught by surprise by his voice, but she shook it off fast. 

“Yeah, he is kind of asleep now. You hit him hard.” Her voice was calmer, her body more relaxed than usual, not as guarded as she was the first time he met her. Back when she was cold, young and with strands of brown hair flying in the bitter winds of the Winter Court’s mountains, possessing a look in her eyes that would’ve killed him right there. 

“It’s of no surprise that you look like you got hit by a volley of arrows. Yeah, minus the blood. That’s all mud and probably… poop.” her hands moved with such speed, while she spoke, that only by looking at them, he felt more tired than before. 

“Cyra… I know I look like actual shit, but can we not talk about my attire right now? I would prefer to sleep, I haven’t slept five hours continuously for days and I think that I might pass out.” He stepped towards her in a manner very unlike him and Cyra’s face turned into an open book, worry filling its pages.

“You smell…” was her reply when she caught him right before he could fall. It was a sure thing that she was thinking whether she had a dead man in her arms or not, but his head moved against her hair, white strands finding their way through his dark locks and some even reaching in his mouth. He tried to get rid of them without using his hands, but when he realized there had been no progress made, he tried to use his hands, but the female moved faster than him. “And still act as a baby.” Azriel’s face was empty of any sign of emotion.

One moment they were in the middle of a clearing, in the forest, under the sun and the other they were in the middle of a living room. Warm colours, browns and a lot of white surrounded them then.

He would never get used to the great number of plants in that house. Even though in the years he had known her and they had started to get closer to each other, his house back in Velaris was almost as crowded as the one he was in. Stalks, leaves and flower petals covering almost every surface. 

He asked her once, while she was bringing yet another potted plant into his apartment, back in Velaris: “Why are you so keen on growing a forest inside my apartment?” 

Cyra just shrugged and while he waited for the more elaborated answer, which was coming, he watched how she played with one of the white hair strands that were framing her face, the rest of it was kept together with a clip. 

"More oxygen won't hurt you." 

"Yeah, but when there is no light outside, they use my oxygen. So…?" 

She made an annoyed face then and raised a finger in his direction. "You are already dark and broody, why not brighten the place a little bit?" 

"I get that you don't like my colour preference, even though we are in the Night Court, sweetheart. You didn't have to fill this place that much that I don't have any place to even stand. And it's my apartment!" 

The female shrugged, pissed off by his statement. She bit her lip and looked at the plant she was still holding. 

"Plants show us that even after weeks of cold weather, there is still a moment when the sun will come and we will have our moment to be reborn. They bring us all joy. I thought you needed some joy in your life, Az." 

He had always known, deep down, that happiness would come at some point, even though for much time he had lived in darkness, hurting. 

Cyra, with her bright hair and hazel eyes, sometimes even the colour of the plants she loved and cherished, was like the light at the end of the tunnel for him. She brought him joy, freedom and he felt like light, weightless, although he was always in the shadows.

And then, in the Day Court, surrounded by plants and flowers and vegetables, he was home. 

But he was still unsure what to do next.

The female started walking around the room, moving blankets on the sofa, opening cabinets and pulling out packages, cans, jars, utensils and plates.

The water was boiling on the stove when he finally decided to talk.

"I should've gone to sort the problem with Edgard."

"Don't worry about him, he will be there after you take a shower and have something to eat. We need to catch up. It's been a while. I want to know everything about your brand new High Lady." Cyra didn't raise her eyes from the cutting board, where vegetables started gathering. But her tone showed that she was in the mood to gossip. 

"I heard she likes soup." She rose her eyes to him and cleaned the tomato juice off one of her fingers. 

Azriel chuckled at that. 

There was a joke between the Inner Circle, about how Feyre gave Rhys canned soup when they sealed the mating bond. And Azriel knew that there was no way, the Spymaster of the Day Court would not find out about it.

She lived off tormenting his friends, usually the males.

"Can I at least have a bite… small bite… from what you have decided to cook?" He tried, but he was very aware that he was full of mud, probably smelled of deer poop and looked like he had got run over by dozens of wild horses. He knew Cyra very well and her eyes told him that he needed to get cleaned as soon as possible and there was nothing else to discuss. 

He puffed, sad that he had lost that ‘battle’ and aimed for the bathroom.

The bathroom was the same as he had seen it last. Toiletries spread out on the counter by the sink: toothbrushes, razors and different kinds of soaps, each specially created for certain use. 

He swiftly undressed himself and lowered in the already filled magical pool. The water was always warm and his muscles sighed in approval for the moment of peace. The last week had been filled with the smell of grass, branches and flowers. Their pollen sometimes disturbing his senses, a problem, which was once a disadvantage but had been redeemed by knowing the woman in the other room.  After all, he basically had a garden in his house back in Velaris.

He rubbed all the mud off and when he decided that he had spent enough time in the bathroom, he got out. And with a towel around his waist, he walked into the bedroom linked to the bathroom.

Sunlight bathed the room and the plants were sprawling towards it. On the bed placed against the wall, right in the middle of the room, sat a pile of clean clothes, black pants and underwear and a white short-sleeved shirt, which he put on. 

Back in the kitchen, the female, now with her long white hair bound, was mixing something in a bowl, the water in the pot boiling behind her. He reached it and the smell it emanated was a sign that its contents were done. Opening cabinets with familiarity, Azriel strained the vegetables and dumped them in an empty, clean bowl, placing it on the counter. He seasoned them and watched Cyra take a tray with meat out of the oven.

"Take a plate and pick your favourite." She said, tray in one hand and a fork in the other, gesturing towards a cupboard where he knew she held plates. 

Minutes later, the two of them sat at a table by the window, plates before them, glasses filled with lemon water. The sun was covering everything on the table, the flowers in the vase spreading their petals in approval. 

Everything in that house loved the sunlight. He preferred it over the darkness of his past and shadows.

"I've heard that Rhysand got a mate." Cyra, even though she wasn't a fan of talking, was the one that usually started a conversation between the two of them. 

And this conversation wasn't something he felt like doing after the week he had just had.

"Yeah, he did," was what left his lips as he chose to pick at his vegetables and steak instead of looking at her.

"When?" she stopped eating altogether, now sitting in the chair in a way that favoured conversation.

"When what?" 

"When did the mating bond go… boof." she moved her arms as if she had just finished a magic trick. 

"I don't know… maybe around the annual snow fight? We were in the Steppes when Feyre found out that Rhys kept the fact that they were mates from her. “

“So, she is what… angry at him, takes some time off from all of you and they sort it out?”

She jumped in, making her usual assumptions, and Azriel just nodded his head in approval. “And they do the whole cook a meal thing and stuff like that.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“What do you mean by ‘something’?” she looked at him confused.

“Cans.” the word made her burst into pure laughter. She moved her hands and was almost going to spoil a glass’ components on the table, but Azriel caught it just in time.

When she calmed a little, she wiped some tears from her eyes while saying: “If Cassian gets the same treatment, I swear to the Cauldron that the three of you are destined to have mates that know nothing of the culinary arts.” 

Azriel just puffed at her statement, which made Cyra shrug and plaster a small smile on her slightly tanned skin. 

“She will learn…” he said hopefully, but Cyra just continued to look at him, smiling. 

“It’s not like she will starve by not knowing” They looked at each other longly, thinking about a night around 200 years ago in a cabin in summer court, during a horrendous storm and a bag of potatoes.

“At least I knew how to mash potatoes,” she added a second after while grabbing another bite from her serving.

Her words, her tone and her actions right after she said that, made Azriel burst into a laughter of his own. He didn’t stop for a while, thinking of the awkwardness that went on between the two of them that night. Possibly thinking about that she started laughing too.

Still laughing, she collected the dishes off the table when they were finished, his plate almost empty, except for some leaves she used for seasoning. 

“How’s Cas?” she asked while cleaning the dishes. Azriel walked around the counter, right from the dining area and propped himself against the now clean marble. 

“In the Illyrian Mountains. He is trying to help Feyre's older sister figure life as Fae out.” he said while crossing his arms. 

“Oh… is he all right? After what happened during that last battle…” 

“It’s been a rough period of time for all of us. And I also know that I should’ve come by sooner…”

“I knew that you were alive. I could feel that you were also well, as much as somebody can be after a war… That’s what mattered,” she told him while drying her hands with a cloth. They looked at each other for seconds that felt more like hours. The silence was familiar, calm and it assured both of them that there was still time left, it wasn't running out, just yet.

“I think…”

“We should…”

They started talking at the same time. And sharing a mind connection had never been weirder and more useless before. But they held their minds from each other most of the time and that path that connected them was used in the most important situations.

And that was one of the reasons why they were that day together, because, in his state, Azriel used that connection to call for help. Help that he knew would come unconditionally.

They had decided decades ago that for this eternity to not be a burden, they needed their space. Also, the secrets of their Courts were bigger than them and they needed to be kept safe. 

But the last war woke up something in him. Something that he had known since he had first met her during that mission in the Winter Court.

“You say first.” As she could feel the fight that went on inside his head, she broke the silence. Cyra looked off guard, something that he wasn’t used to, but he had seen before.

His hands were sweating, he was nervous and he didn’t even know why. It wasn’t like that was the first time they shared their hopes, dreams and insecurities with each other.

They were mates.

“I think… I think that we should try to have a baby.” He said. His voice small, eyes partially filled with fear, scared of rejection. He didn’t expect her to be always on the same page as him.

But Cyra didn’t look as angry as he had expected. She played with her fingers, one holding her wedding ring with a blue stone, the same colour as his siphons, which shone in the midday sun. And when she raised her eyes, hazel mixed with silver, she just nodded.

"I think so too."

And his whole world became even brighter than before.

He hugged her and kissed her whole smiling face, forehead, cheeks, nose, eyelids and lastly her lips a couple of times.

Their last kiss was longer than the previous ones, minds open to each other, secrets still hidden in the darkest depths of them, but happiness was buzzing between them.

Their foreheads were together when Cyra opened her eyes to look at him. He could feel her eyes on his face, his olive skin, the scars on his brows and cheeks, the circles under his eyes, but also the wrinkles created by the smile still present.

He started kissing her skin again, but this time his lips took a different path. Her throat was covered by his warm, chapped lips and in their trail, the skin was left wet and sometimes red, from sucking. She brought her arms closer to his neck, fingers running through his dark locks.

Small sounds were leaving her full lips when Azriel’s hands gripped her thighs and she was lifted off the floor and carried to the bedroom.

The sound of a closed door was followed by the rustling of clothes. Laughter filled the air again when the Illyrian stuck his shirt in a talon of his wings, but she helped and they kissed again.

The world seemed to be suddenly set on the right path when they finally joined. His kisses covered the inked skin of her chest, their marriage tattoo set right over each of their hearts. And with each step they took in their dance, they got closer and closer to the end.

Her legs hugged his waist, her arms, his neck, hands massaging his scalp, his elbows on the mattress, one hand at her nape, the other keeping him from crushing her, lips glued and their hearts were over the other, skin on skin, tattoo over tattoo. His hand searched blindly for hers when he felt that they were close to the climax, his movements speeding up. When their fingers laced through each other on the bed, the moment came.

Ragged breaths replaced the sounds of pleasure and their foreheads were once more against the other, bodies still joined and coming down from the high.

“I love you.” Her hoarse breath broke the silence. Her hand covered his cheek, trying to wipe some sweat off of his face. In a movement so similar to a cat’s, Azriel nuzzled his nose, face and hair against her damp face and placed his head in the crook of her neck, kissed the pulse point and hugged her body even more. She replied to his action by moving her hips higher and squeezed his middle. He muffled a swore in her now wild hair.

I love you too. Filled her head and a smile crept on her lips.

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #a court of thorns and roses #a court of frost and starlight #azriel x oc #azriel x original character #acotar #acofas #weirdfanaus

[hellas-himself]

Ch. 10 Home

Ch. 9

After the death of his father, Azriel is forced to go back to the one place he swore he’d never return to. But he finds himself quite literally face to face with his past, one that he had not let himself think of since he’d left.

.

.

.

.

I imagined that this was the first time in my entire life that I was happy to see that stupid ‘Welcome to Illyria’ sign. The snow was melting, leaving the ground a muddy mess. But the sun was going down and Elain would be getting off work any minute now. My job had interrupted our holiday, and Rhys apologized profusely. I had only been gone for a few days but it felt like I’d gone years without her. 

I had to admit, talking to her on the phone all night made me feel like a fucking teenager again. Getting pictures from her at all hours of the day was nice. Except for when I was in the middle of a meeting and she decided that it was a good time to model her new pajamas. Which were nothing more than scraps of satin and lace that covered nothing. I took many cold showers while I was away.

I parked the SUV beside her Oldsmobile and stepped out into the cold air. I grabbed my bag and after making sure she’d locked her car (which she had), I made my way upstairs.

Elain was setting food on the table when I opened the front door.

“You’re home,” she said and I closed the door, just in time to lift her up and spin her around when she ran to me. I let out a sigh of relief and just held her against me, realizing that I actually did feel like I was home.

“I missed you,” I said, setting my bag down. She giggled, tugging on my jacket for me to lean down and kiss her.

“I missed you, too. Now go wash up. I made your favorite.”

‘Your favorite’ was an understatement. It was like Christmas dinner all over again, except it was only the two of us.

“I know our Christmas ended while you were gone but… I wanted to finish it together.”

I already had food in my mouth so all I could do was nod.

“So when you’re done, we have a busy night.”

I raised a brow and she turned pink.

“That’s later,” she said. “I have a few things I want to do first.”

*

“Where are we going?” I asked, noticing that she was driving towards the more secluded part of Illyria.

“You’ll see.”

“There’s nothing out this way.”

“That you know of.”

Her smirk made me laugh. So I kept quiet, looking out the window although it was too dark to see much. But I recognized the neighborhood… I’d walked through it just weeks ago. I looked over at Elain who was humming to herself, as if she were oblivious to where we were.

When Elain drove off the road and onto dirt, she laughed at the expression on my face.

“I know where I’m going.”

“Are you sure?”

“Have a little faith in me.”

Elain parked the car and got out, waiting for me to join her. We held hands as she guided me through the dark. There were some lights from the neighboring houses, but they were too far to do much.

“A lot of things changed while you were gone,” she said. “But I think you’ll be happy.”

I wasn’t sure how to tell her that my father’s house was going to be coming up but then… it never did. There was nothing there save the trees that I remembered climbing as a kid.

“Wait here,” she said, letting me go to hurry on ahead. I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried to see what she was doing. She let out a little yelp which nearly gave me a heart attack but soon enough, the trees around me were illuminated with little white lights. I looked around until I saw Elain by what had been the garden. All that was left was the rocks that would surround the now dead flowers and the old wooden swing my stepmother had always hated but was not allowed to get rid of.

“Elain… What-” I didn’t really know what to say. She came to take my hand and bring me to sit with her on the swing. The last time I’d sat here, my mother had been there with me. I hadn’t even gone to live with Rhys yet.

“Lucien told me he was getting rid of everything… But your mom loved this here. So I asked him to make sure no one touched it.”

“You want to keep my mother’s garden?”

“Yes.”

“Won’t that get in the way of Lucien’s plans to build something here?”

She shook her head.

“He’s building something very special… And this garden, I’m going to take care of it. And show others how to do the same. Mothers with children who need somewhere safe to live.”

I looked out at the now barren expanse of land. It was large enough for many houses to be built on it with room to spare. To think that this place I’d considered hell would some day be someone’s safe haven…

“I don’t think there is a better end for this place.”

“Not an end. A new beginning.”

*

-The Following Winter-

 Rhys stood beside me, making sure his midnight blue wrap was secure.

“Azariah is going to wake up if you keep doing that,” I whispered. My brother glared at me which only made me chuckle. Rhys kept an arm beneath his son despite the wrap, using his other hand to shove me. A flash of the camera and we both found Emerie standing with a grin on her face. Great.

Music began to play, taking the attention off Rhys and I as Cassian and Nesta walked into the chapel. Then came Amren and Varian, Mor and Andromache. They were dressed in various shades of blue, their thick shawls courtesy of Viviane. Kallias had given us the tailored long coats we’d wear outside. Even Azariah had his own little version of the groomsmen’s outfit, just like Leyla, Lucien and Vassa’s daughter wore a dress similar to the bridesmaids. When her parents walked by, she began to cry and Lucien took her from Helion’s arms and carried her along with him.

“Shh,” Lucien said softly. “Auntie Ellie is coming now… Look, beti, there she is…”

My heart was in my throat. I watched as Feyre walked Elain down the aisle. Feyre in tears, and Elain… Rhys placed a hand on my shoulder. She was smiling beneath the veil, holding the bouquet of blue and white flowers she’d made herself. I had to remember to breathe. The dress was exactly as Elain had always wanted; vintage lace, long sleeves and a tulle skirt- I remembered that, and I smiled. How many times had she described her dream wedding to me, explaining the fabrics and flowers, even the way she wanted the weather to be like. And how many times had I saw myself in that dream, waiting for her at the altar?

I was crying by the time Feyre brought Elain to me, lifting the veil away from her face. Feyre put our hands together before going to stand with her sister and the others.

“God, you look beautiful,” I whispered.

Elain giggled. “Stop. You’re going to make me cry. Again.”

Everyone was seated and the priest began the ceremony. It was more for my parents, for tradition. A prayer was said, and then it was time for our vows. Elain breathed in and let it out slowly, giving me a big smile.

“I love you,” she whispered, wiping her tears with the back of her hand before taking my hands in hers. She brushed her thumbs over my scars, looking up at me. “I don’t think it’s a big secret to anyone that I’ve dreamed of this moment since I was in high school… writing your name with mine on my binder.”

Everyone laughed.

“But even before I fell so hopelessly in love with you, Az, every good thing life had to offer- I found it with you. My sisters and I found our family when we met you and your brothers. Your parents. I knew what it was to feel safe, to feel like I mattered.

“One day, the mistakes I’ve made won’t sting so much… But if we’re being honest, I would do it all again if it meant that I would find you after all that time. If it meant that I was going to be the lucky girl who gets to call you hers. I love you, Azriel.”

I was kissing her before I knew what I was doing. I could hear everyone laughing. But god, I didn’t care. I kissed her once more for good measure, eyeing the priest with the barest amount of shame I could muster. Elain blushed, and I took her hands in mine and cleared my throat. She had told me constantly the last few months that I wasn’t obligated to speak in front of everyone, that we could have done regular vows and get it over with. But… I owed it to her, to myself.

“El dia en que te conoci,” I said, not meaning to switch languages on her but I was so fucking nervous I couldn’t help it. “I was so confused as to why someone so… bright, so perfect, was doing talking to me. There was no pity in your eyes, no disgust. I was waiting for it, but it never came.

“You have always been my best friend, El. I spent all of my life hiding, pushing away everyone that I love. But when I’m with you, I don’t want to hide. I don’t have to. Eres el amor de mi vida, eres mi paz y mi luz. A veces pienso que esto es nada mas que un sueño pero es mi realidad. Te amo, con todo mi corazon, todo mi ser-”

The chapel was full of laughter as it was Elain who kissed me then, surprising me, even.

“You can’t do that to me,” she said, flustered. “Christ, Az.”

She cleared her throat, smoothing my jacket and apologized to the priest who already looked ready for the day to be over. With stupid grins on their faces, my parents presented us with el lazo; As padrinos, Feyre and Rhys were meant to do it, but we had all talked it over- giving my parents this moment meant everything. Elain and I participated in La Santa Cena, my mother came and gave us her blessing.

When we were pronounced marido y mujer, everyone started to cheer. Elain and I smiled at one another- this was real. We were married.

“Now, you may kiss the bride,” the priest said. We laughed, Elain letting go of my hands to take me by the lapels of my jacket, getting on her tiptoes to kiss me. I smiled, bringing my arms around her.

“I love you so much,” I said, tears still falling from my eyes.

She kissed me again. “I love you, too.”

*

-Two Summers Later-

Illyria in the summer was, simply put, hell. But we were only here for a few days while Elain settled business matters with the diner. The AC in the SUV was a godsend, especially considering how much ice cream I had in the passenger seat. I parked in my usual spot behind the diner, still not used to not seeing her Oldsmobile there. But considering things, her decision to sell it was smart. Her SUV was still something of a sight, Rhys and I both were considering trading ours to get that one.

I grabbed the bags and stepped out into the sweltering heat. I went through the diner, waving hello at Briar and Nuala. Cerridwen was there, mopping the floor by the back door. She simply waved and I apologized as I walked by and headed upstairs.

“I’m back!” I said as I put the tubs of ice cream in the freezer. I could hear the shower going, but Elain didn’t say anything. With a shrug, I went in search of Elain’s favorite bowl and spoon. The sprinkles and chocolate sauce that turned into a shell.

“Do you want cherries?” I asked but still nothing.

I walked to the bathroom door and knocked.

“El, are you alright?”

“Yeah,” she said but sounded far from alright. I tried the door and found it unlocked.

“I’m coming in,” I said and when she didn’t reply, I walked in.

When I pulled the curtain back, Elain was standing with her hands on the wall, head down. Her back to the water.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

The bathroom floor was wet, too, but she’d tossed her clothes on it.

“Don’t get mad,” she said. I sighed.

“You went to work, didn’t you?”

“I was bored!”

She looked at me and then cursed.

“You’re supposed to be on bedrest, El.”

“Yeah, well. I wanted cake and then someone ordered the-”

She winced and stopped talking.

“Come on, I’ll set you up in bed.”

She shook her head.

“We have to go.”

“What?”

“I kind of got carried away serving lunch and well… my water broke.”

There really wasn’t much left in life that scared me. But this… this definitely scared me. I stared at her and Elain had the nerve to laugh.

“Nuala helped me up here,” she said. “Cerridwen… helped clean up.”

I stepped back and looked down at the floor and then back at her. And then I ran. Out of the room, franticly looking for her bag. My bag. But they were at the house. In Velaris. Because she wasn’t supposed to be due for another two weeks and that was where her doctor was. In Velaris. Not here.

I was going through the drawers when Elain stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel.

“Just get my blue dress. The one you got me when we went to see your mom,” she said and went to sit on the bed. “My sandals are in the closet.”

“Elain… This isn’t… What do we do?”

“I called Feyre. She’s at the house getting our stuff. Doctor knows, Lucien called Madja.”

“Madja?” I knew she worked at the birth center here; it was where Vassa delivered Leyla. But it didn’t do anything to ease my worry. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

I brought her the dress and her body lotion. I massaged it into her skin while she talked. This was so ass backwards, I was supposed to be the one calming her down and-

“It’s fine, Az. Madja said by the time I get there, I’ll have a room.”

“How can it be fine?”

“Oh! Get my bikini top. The pretty pink one. I want to wear that in the pool.”

“They have a pool?”

She giggled before wincing again.

“It’s going to be fine,” she said again. “Help me get dressed.”

*

I brushed back Elain’s hair, tying it up the way she’d asked. She’d gone through two huge cups of ice and was waiting for her third before she went walking around the birth ward. Madja was still busy filling the pool.

“I should’ve stood in bed,” Elain said with a little whimper. I sighed.

“Your water would’ve just broken in bed,” I said. “She’s ready today.”

Elain made a whiney sound.

“Why do you have to be right?”

I laughed, kissing her forehead.

“Let’s go walk. Unless you’d rather dance.”

“I want this to be over.”

I helped her to her feet and took her hand.

“A walk it is,” I said.

When we made it back to the room after walking the entire ward, Rhys and Feyre were there. Elain started crying the moment she saw her sister.

“Come on,” Feyre said softly, guiding Elain to the bed while Rhys dragged me out of the room.

“What-”

“Cassian is with Nesta at the store. What does Elain want for the baby? There’s no way you guys are going to want to drive to Velaris from here.”

I cursed. The nursery was completely ready for her at the house. But the apartment? We’d done nothing but baby proof the electrical outlets. There were some clothes and boxes of diapers and wipes, but that was it.

“Bassinet,” Rhys said to Cassian on the phone. “They have car seats in their cars… I found a wrap in the diaper bag… We forgot her nursing pillow, grab one of those. And get Az some ibuprofen.”

Once he got off the phone with Cassian, Rhys hugged me tight, reassuring me that everything would be alright.

Our father was outside with Azariah when we went back to the room.

“Madja is checking her now,” he said. He kissed Azariah. “Te vienen a quitarte la falda.”

“Don’t say that,” Rhys snapped.

“Falda, papa, falda,” Azariah repeated and Rhys sighed.

Madja opened the door.

“Seven,” she said as we walked in.

Elain was leaning over one of the counters, Feyre massaging her back. She’d put on little black swim shorts and had taken the socks off. Feyre came over to me and kissed my cheek and went to go feed Azariah.

“Hey,” I said softly. I put my hands on her shoulders.

“I never got to eat my ice cream,” she said. I laughed.

“When she gets here, you can have all the ice cream you want.”

“Almost.”

“Almost,” I said, kissing her shoulder and began to massage her back. “You think you want to go in the pool?”

Elain nodded.

Once I was in my swimming trunks, I helped Elain into the pool. The water was warm and her sigh of relief was the first in hours. She sat against me, her back to my chest. Feyre had taken up photography ever since Azariah was born; when she wasn’t painting, she was taking pictures. Or as she was right now, taking video. Elain flipped her sister off but then laughed, even as a contraction hit.

Elain leaned over the pool edge to kiss Leyla and Azariah goodbye when Lucien’s parents came to pick them up. Once the baby was born and we were settled in, Rhys and Feyre would go stay with them. My parents were going to the apartment with Nesta and Cassian to help set things up. But I knew they’d all be here in the morning.

When her contractions started coming in more frequently, Madja asked if Elain wanted everyone out. She didn’t care. She told Feyre and Nesta what to get from the bag, where to put it. She sent Cassian and my dad to go get her Chinese food.

“By the time you get back,” she struggled to say. “She’ll be here.”

After some time, Elain squeezed on my hand and cursed so colorfully, even Feyre was surprised. But then, she let go of my hands.

“I can feel her,” she said and before I knew it, I saw blood in the water. Time seemed to stop as Elain pulled our daughter out of the water and placed her against her chest. She was weeping, her body trembling.

“She’s here,” she cried, turning enough so I could see her. Rhys hadn’t been exaggerating when he said he fell in love the second he saw Azariah. This was… I didn’t have words for this.

“You did it,” I managed to say, wrapping my arms around them both. “She’s here…”

While Madja took her weight and length and cleaned her up, Elain’s sisters and I got her into bed. Cleaned her up and got her comfortable. I helped her into her blue robe, thin enough to be comfortable in the summer, but enough for her to keep covered.

“Pretty thing,” Madja said as she approached me. “It’s time for you to meet your father.”

I knew I’d been afraid earlier but this… this was beyond anything I’d ever felt. Madja placed the baby in my arms, making sure I had her correctly before going to check on Elain. The baby was awake, and I smiled. She looked so pissed off to be here. Her hair was raven black, she had grey eyes and when I went to touch her face… I almost recoiled when I saw my scarred hand… But the baby didn’t make a sound. She just stared at me.

“Hello, Nephelle,” I said softly and I gently caressed her cheek. I kissed her forehead. This had to be what heaven smelled like. Rhys came over to have a look, and for once, he didn’t tease me for crying.

“She’s beautiful,” Rhys whispered.

Cassian and our father arrived with Elain’s food just as I’d handed Nephelle over to Feyre. While everyone doted on the baby, I went to sit beside Elain. We managed to eat half our plate before Feyre walked towards us.

“I think someone is getting hungry.”

Nesta brought the nursing pillow over and Feyre showed Elain how to comfortably nurse the baby. It took a few tries, but Elain and Nephelle managed it.

“You’re perfect,” I said, making Elain blush. She leaned into me when I touched her face. I kissed her, and then I kissed the top of the baby’s head.

“Doesn’t she smell so good?” Elain asked.

“Too good,” I said with a laugh.

Once she was done, she handed her to me to burp her. My mother came to put the mano de azabache on the baby, giving her a quick blessing.

“She’s falling asleep,” Elain said with a laugh.

I held her against my chest, leaning back slightly on the back. I could stay like this forever. Elain curled up beside me, falling asleep within seconds. After Feyre took pictures, everyone started to head out. Madja dimmed down the lights, and then introduced me to the nurse who would be coming around during the rest of the night.

And then, it was just me, my wife and our daughter. That I could even say that brought tears to my eyes. I held them just a little closer to me and said silent thanks to whoever, whatever was out there that this was real. This was my life.

*

I closed the trunk to the SUV and walked back into the diner. Elain was putting Nephelle into the carseat when I went back upstairs. All that was left was the diaper bag.

“I gave Nuala the key just in case. Cas will probably stay here whenever he’s in town but…” Elain waved her hands. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Is that everything?” I asked as I grabbed the bag and the carseat. Nephelle was already asleep.

“Yeah… I think so.”

I made to walk but stopped.

“What’s wrong?”

Elain shook her head. I set the bag and car seat down and went over to her. There were tears in her eyes.

“It’s not forever,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “But… I’ve never been gone so long.”

“The diner will be fine.”

“I know.”

“And your sisters will be closer. My parents will probably try to move in.”

She laughed.

“And our bed is so big, Nephelle can just sleep with us.”

“Thank god,” she said. She hated putting her in the bassinet. I had to convince her to sleep when the baby slept.  

“And when she’s a little bigger, we’ll come stay here. I’ll stay home and you can go back to running the diner to your heart’s content.”

Elain laughed and wrapped her arms around me.

“Fine… Let’s go. But I want to grab some food first.”

“Of course.”

I waited for her to get the lunch Nuala had packed us before we went to the car. Elain sat in the back with Nephelle. We stopped at Lucien’s to say goodbye and they sent us off with food and clothes for the baby. And then we were really leaving, driving through town. People waved at us as I drove by and when I saw the town sign, I stopped the car.

“What’s wrong?” Elain asked. I shook my head. I didn’t know.

This godforsaken town, I had hated it my entire life and yet… My daughter, the only person I loved more than my wife, was born here. Just like my mother had. My brothers. My parents. This is where I met Elain and where I married her.

“It’s not forever,” Elain said and I could hear the smile in her voice.

“I know, it’s just…”

Elain unbuckled her seat belt and leaned over, pressing a kiss on my cheek.

“When Nephelle is bigger, we’ll get pretty flowers and take her to visit your mom. We’ll show her all the places that we love.” She kissed me. “Now you get to show us what it’s like to call Velaris home.”

“Home is wherever I’m with you.”

“Even Illyria?” she asked.

I kissed her.

“Especially Illyria.”

 -Fin-

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beti- hindi for daughter

El dia en que te conoci - the day that I met you

Eres el amor de mi vida, eres mi paz y mi luz. - You’re the love of my life, you’re my peace and my light. 

A veces pienso que esto es nada mas que un sueño pero es mi realidad - Sometimes I think this is just a dream but it’s my reality. 

Te amo, con todo mi corazon, todo mi ser - I love you, with all my heart, with all my soul

el lazo- it’s like a huge rosary put on like a “lasso” around the couple during the wedding ceremony. 

padrinos- the “patrons” of the wedding aka maid of honor and best man kind of thing. 

La Santa Cena- the holy supper/the last supper where you do the whole wine and bread thing to rep jesus body. 

marido y mujer- man and wife

Te vienen a quitarte la falda - they’re coming to take your lap. it’s a saying that means a new baby is coming to take your place lol like there’s nothing quite like planting the seeds of jealousy young lmao its always said in a teasing manner but I know some uncles and aunts who’ve said it completely maliciously 

mano de azabache - gold bracelet with a black hand charm to protect our babies from the evil eye 

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Well! That’s that on this fic. I am so sorry it took so long to finish. But I hope I made it worth it. I loved writing this so much. My birthing experience sucked, so this is close to what I wanted before things went to hell in the hospital. My family was all up in the room it was wild but i’m glad for it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my hallmark/Spanish novela ass elriel fic. lol 

@maastrash @dreamerforever-5 @fireheart-of-your-dreams

#wow it's finally done #elriel #home #elriel reyes fic