#it's kinda hard to be your own person

[astranauticus]

stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir

(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)

But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?

so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me

in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone

and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age

but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind

and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind

(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)

"I just see this place as my home"

so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3

#arknights #asto speaks #not much of an essay writer i just keep thinking about them and i need to force other people to think about them too #thorns story fucks me up bc like. this whole almost found family adjacent idea of like #maybe home isnt something decided by your birth but something you can chose based on what truly matters to you #it just gets to me. i guess. #jordi gets to me in a completely different direction there's nothing personal about it i just find his story *fascinating* #just a guy. a completely normal guy. an absolute nobody caught up in these dreams of greatness while also fully aware of his own normalcy #but never letting either of those overshadow the other. never losing that self awareness or that fuckin obsessive determination #god. what a Character #i love jordi so much like genuinely #i joke a lot about him being just a Guy but thats also kinda like the best thing about him #the fact that he is the way that he is and does all the things he does despite being just a Guy #gently holds #for context i was so hyped about new iberia lore when sn was announced i read the whole thing as soon as it dropped on cn server #cuz someone uploaded all the story sections to bilibili right after it came out #and '我只是把这里当作自己的故乡啊' fucking hit me SO HARD #in like the greater context of elysium demanding to know why hes risking his life in like 5 different ways to return to gran faro #because yeah jordi just doesnt want to leave his home but like we the audience knows the full *weight* of what that home means to him #and the weight of the dreams that made him chose to see Gran Faro as his home and to refuse to let go of that #thats why i like the original a lot more than the translation i think like it really emphasises that active *choice*. #this is the place jordi has *decided* to see as his home and he knows what that means and what it means to him #side note the part on thorns might not actually age well depending on whether hg decides to ever release more aulus lore #i mean i'll gladly take the L if it means more aulus and/or thorns lore like #i just wanna know what (if anything) is tying him to iberia yknow #ak #iberiaposting

[arundolyn]

Happy birthday, Rachel Alucard, and happy Halloween!

#rachel alucard #blazblue #nago #edits #sprite edits #crow.gif #loops #misc #birthdays #yeah yeah ruby and slayer too but i dont have the energy this year rachel gets her own post ok #and also i think my cheat table for xrd is still fucked so i cant make more gifs. crowd boos #happy birthday you stupid little rose gremlin. i wish your personality was more tolerable but alas. #hateful little creature almost affectionate but also spiteful #in my heart its also raquel's birthday since we dont know when that is. the better rachel #when will she be back from the war. raquel plot relevance again when 💔 #this was actually a kinda hard call to make on which gifs to use. she has so many really fun to look at animations #why does rachel get all the fun stuff

[cemeterything]

i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone else share my fixation on angels as you have i was wondering if there was any angel related media u read/or watch to feed ur fixation !! also u don’t have to answer if u want lol

unfortunately i don't really have any recommendations because a lot of it is just stuff i've picked up from tumblr posts, youtube videos, doing research online, being raised by hardcore catholics, and studying theology and religious textual history as a hobby (it's actually pretty interesting from a historical and literary perspective). i guess neon genesis evangelion was very influential to me but that's about it.

#im sorry i dont have a better answer #unfortunately angel media out there is kinda limited. especially if you want to avoid the hardcore christian stuff. #personally i like having that creative freedom but it does mean that you have to generate a lot of your own content #dont get me wrong theres plenty of media that features angels out there but theyre rarely the focus so its hard to offer suggestions

[leafyforreal]

another fun angst potential that i don't see enough in fic is the fact that dick initially doesn't even like damian. he gives the "go ahead" to make damian robin, but it's initially alfred's idea! dick is grudgingly mentoring a kid that he doesn't even like and i need people to make more fics about this because the angst potential for both him AND damian once he realizes that he DOES care about damian (hopefully under whumpy circumstances muahaha) is literally gold. AND EVEN BETTER IF DAMIAN IS AWARE

#me staring so hard at a ten year old fictional child: what if like you were really sad and lonely and your kinda older brother hated you and #your dad was dead and your other kinda older brothers also hated you and you've been brainwashed since a child by your super fucked up #grandfather but actually you're an adorable child who loves animals and art and wants to have friends your own age but you have no idea how #to do that so you become robin because if people won't love you at least they will respect you but then you get kidnapped and tortured #fucked up all of your training and you're going to get fired or sent back to your grandfather or maybe no one is even going to show up but #then your older brother saves you and you don't understand #SCREAMS #DAMIAN WHUMP PLS!!! #damian wayne #listen i love jason & damian bc they are a criminally underused dynamic in the comics BUT #dick and damian ARE used in the comics and there's still sooo little fanfic about them #that isn't 'dick is damian's pseudo dad' which i personally don't care for #I JUST WANT FUN WHUMP WITH THEM

[bmpmp3]

ive been having a lot of fun incorporating embroidery onto paper drawings in school recently (inspired by a printmaking teacher i had once who sometimes stitched her prints, it looked really cool!) but one thing that has kind of been bugging me is how my instructors have been talking about the gendered aspect of it. i know using any form of textile practice in contemporary art is gonna get some kind of thoughts about the historical concept of "women's work" and i dont mind that thats chill thats like normal. its not what, i, the artist, is focusing on personally, but death of the author and all that, as an interpretation its an interesting thing to think about and equally as valid as my intention. also a good topic for essays and such

BUT today my instructor tried to convince me that i can embroider directly on printer paper instead of the thicker papers ive been using and i was like ABSOLUTELY NOT maybe YOU can but I have BIG CLUMSY SWEATY HOT MITTEN HANDS and i Destroy printer paper by looking at it funny. the second a photocopy reaches my skin its already wrinkled. gloves dont help my sweat is too powerful. im CLAMMY leave me ALONE hfkjrwefhjegrfe

and there is an unconcious bias ive been noticing of a lot of very progressively minded artists assuming that i can do this shit delicately. listen. embroidery can be a very delicate and masterful skill that people hone over decades. but not everyone who does it is that skilled master. some of us just like to clumsily sew string through stuff so they can feel the texture. and some of us are really sweaty.

#actually the way my class and department faculty in general talk about gender and feminism in art is a little offputting in general recently #the focus on softness and delicateness and stereotypical markers of femininity is chill thats like an interesting thing to think about #lots of things to explore and critique and then embrace as not innate 'womanly' things but as like. human. as women are human #that type of thing. but theres been a lot of simultaneous emphasis among my peers of like this universal womanhood? #woman as the archetype. and woman as something wholly different from anything else. and the universal 'sisterhood' #i dunno im like fat mixed race kinda gnc and more visibly disabled than i think i am so i was like #never gonna be fully brought into that supposed 'universal sisterhood' anyway #and whether i personally think of myself as a woman or not in general is nobodys business least of all my own #BUT it is bizarre - this universal womanhood narrative. i think exploring one's own femininity is extremely interesting. #is it soft? is it hard? something else? all kinds of ways to think about it #i think the pitfall im falling in with my peers is the habit of assuming you need to make art as a universal message: theres no such thing #any 'universal message' you make will always exclude people you dont mean to exclude #if you depict your universal womanhood as young and soft and skinny and feminine and nuturing - then i might wonder #about the women who are outside of that. what about that fat masc 60 year old woman who cant nuture for shit #(gets so hard i get naseous. i think i hauve covid) i dunno its on my mind a lot #maybe thats just the way things go even in art spaces that are trying to be progressive? always a type of woman who is in vogue #a type of woman who is considered the default? and whoevers outside of that is left out of the conversation entirely #(<- bmpmp3 discovering the basics of misogyny live in the tags of this tumblr post LOL but yknow what i mean)

[alinakerrin]

just had to put a fic on user comments only for the first time ever. Reminder to all of you that fic is a privilege and you will be denied it if you don't behave yourselves

#a Child was commenting on my fic and being rude #and they didn't realise they were rude #In fact #they accused me of being rude for answering their question and pointing out their behaviour #so that fic is officially user comments only #honestly I'm surprised that it didn't happen earlier. that fandom is huge. full of children. and known for being kinda shitty to each other #but yeah. not feeling great about it #I tried rlly hard to be nice to them too when they absolutely didn't deserve it #I rlly hoped that they'd understand what i was saying but #they just got even angrier #which i kinda expected but man i'm sad about it #And if that person somehow reads this. You were being rude. You are not owed a fic which goes exactly how you want it to #If you don't like it #don't read it #Go write your own story if you hated mine. you don't have to tell me things I already know #The crazy thing is I was actually considering editing the fic #If they'd been nicer in their response I was seriously considering going back and fixing the bits I wasn't happy with #but now I'm not going to

[kelocitta]

Hi this might sound weird but for your Rat King abnormality OC, does the collective feel anything if you scratch the skeleton? I need to know if Rat King can brux

This isn't weird at all this is one of the best oc asks ive gotten.

Im inclined to say that the skeleton doesn't have any sense of feeling itself, but the rats certainly do and share that, so if you scratched one of them you'd be scratching them all, and they certainly can brux (and boggle)... I bet the skeleton would even join in, despite its own lack of feeling.

It would be completely in sync though, so maybe a little more creepy than cute... (its both)

#the skeleton is generally inanimate when not actively breaching #so even if it could feel in most cases it wouldn't really react to the touch on its own (but the small rats would) #might be hard to tell whats the skeleton reacting and whats the rat reacting though! All the rats on One Thing but the skeleton is sort #a 'separate but connected' kinda thing. its weird #on a positive note the king; while decently high risk (around WAW) is actually pretty friendly towards low-level employees. its just. still #not really recommended you put a newbie in there cause it is still high level. but it can work with luck if youre the right kinda person #so maybe some brave newcomer will attempt to become friends with Giant Horde of Rats in a Coat #ask #oc: rat king

[princekirijo]

OK this is the last post I make on the topic because I don't like being too personal on Tumblr (not anymore at least) and tbh I might delete this after a while but it is so upsetting to see people shit on people who are addicted to gacha games. It doesn't matter what it is an addiction is an addiction. I've heard of people going into debt over these things like do you understand how sad and terrible that is. And like maybe idk we shouldn't laugh at them for spending 1k+ on some anime waifu maybe we should idk treat them like a human being and help them.

#turning off reblogs on this because i dont want this spreading #i say personal because ive been affected #not the extent that i've put myself in debt or anything wild don't worry #and to me its less how much i spent and more how fucking fast i was to spend it #but thats as much detail as i'll give #because a) i dont want to discuss it with you guys i love y'all but i have to set my boundries #and b) because as i said i would literally get made fun of for it #and people justify it like 'oh the characters are well written!' yeah because they want you to care about them so you spend money #its literally what the whole system is based on #in gensh!n at least i cant speak for other gacha games #the fundemental system is still fucked up #and look i wouldn't judge anyone for playing these games because that would be hypocritical #so like if you play them whatever #but just do really really think about what you're doing #for your own sake #i know its hard too i wont lie i miss gens!n because i used to play with my gf #she was so understanding though when i came away from it love that woman so much #not sure i would have stopped if it wasn't for her #im probably making it sound worse than it was but then again its probably like oh it wasn't that bad but if you think about it kinda was #just not as severe i suppose #and like final thing but the fact that i literally dont feel i can talk to anyone about this #im much better than i was because ultimately just coming away from the game and the fandom helped #but like because of the stigma around it on and offline i wouldn't feel safe talking about it unless its a professional therapist #and that's so fucked up #sounds like im looking for sympathy im sorry im really not (maybe a little subconsciously) but i want people to know that yeah its fucked #and you're not cool or better because you bully people for it especially if you play them yourself #sorry this post is all over the place ill def be deleting this in a few hours LMAO i just need to get it off my chest #and in fairness to y'all ye're good listeners #ask to tag

[i-am-tiny-sun]

don’t let him fool you, he totally squeezed you after you took this photo (and he didn’t give the cardigan back)

also here’s the leech twins together bc it would feel wrong to separate them

#🫧: new work! #🎨: tiny’s doodles #twst fanart #floyd leech #yes i put him next to jade so they’re together shh don’t worry #i feel like the only person on this list that’ll have open eyes is azul pls #i was supposed to draw malleus before floyd but his hair became complicated (like jamil’s cause idk how to draw longer hair very well) #mal mal’s next don’t worry my beloveds #you’ll get your pretty dragon man soon #my signature is embroidered in the sweater (but not in the one i own irl) #i hope y’all like how he came out 🥺 #by the way i am cutting out my artwork and making some kinda collage thing in my book #i kinda wanna redo jade but the design— the design on the shirt was hard to draw that small #pls note i’m doing this with poor vision 😂 all of them are gonna look wonky in some way or another i’m sorry- #nah why did he come out better than jade now i’m salty (in my own opinion- don’t attack me in the comments) #jade leech #jade my beloved i’m sorry #i am actually a pain in the ass #and right now i’m over here feeling like i disrespected jade and none of these characters are even REAL 😂😂😂

[somejerkguy]

I just get told so many times "you just haven't found the right people"

other people pick up relationships of all kinds over their whole lives though? and those people float in and out of each other's lives, stay in touch, catch up when they can

like. I don't think it's unreasonable to not try again when every single person I've cared about has closed the door behind them on the way out

#you can only get told to your face that the other person doesn't care about you so many times yanno #like I'm not fucking stupid!!!!! i fucking know it's my fault!!!!!!!! i know!!!!!!!!!!!! #there is this thing called a pattern and i can read them #i am not doing people right. no matter how hard I've tried no matter how completely or casually I've dedicated myself to it. i cannot do it #getting told to keep trying makes the exhaustion so much worse #i feel so guilty and responsible for my own suffering. but i know even if i put in the work *i will still suffer* #but then someone else will be suffering too because i will have brought it upon them. #but then i feel guilty for that too like i am painting myself as some sort of eternally suffering heroic batman type #when it's more of a diseased rat that walked onto a glue trap on purpose but can't stop screaming in fear. kinda thing

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

Oh my fucking god I just saw a video of a Russian soldier surrendering to a Ukrainian drone and being led to their trenches.. he made it alive... Oh god too many emotions 🥺🥺🥺

#like imagine being in that situation #basically forced into fighting for something you don't believe in #then the people who are supposed to be your enemy offer a way out - surrender #even though you are only one person out of the thousands attacking #they still risk their drone and their own trenches to give you the chance to escape #your trying to hide stealthily as you run back because you know you're probably not getting a second chance #being led away from certain death by a flying beast... i think that counts as an angel #and props to the drone operator for managing to communicate with the soldier #this is the kinda universal respect for other humans in hard situations that makes me want to cry... #happy crying though. tears of joy and hope #ask to tag

[storfulsten]

that feel when you watch too many old letsplays and compilations and get too dang focused on cool voices and dynamics and vibes of random actual letsplayers and stuff so you think up aus of aus within aus of your dumb fnf au to project upon ha

fnf letsplayer au bullshit brainworms wooh

#instead of rapbattling they sus eachother in amongus #and other games with other shenanigans #makes perfect sense #also got online music careers in some cases maybe #idk man ha #all I know is if you squint really realllly hard #and accept some ooc-ness in the name of au shenanigans #idk corpse and sykkuno #could be neat dynamic and voice hc stuff to project unto bombeep in very specific circumstances #theoretic letsplay au circumstances that is #and maybe valkyrae gf vibes bc yes #thus the au-ception #yeehaw #idk the way I think of my au as is nowadays it's so far removed from the original game and mods it's just #I don't even remember their original personalities it's just whatever I feel like in the moment is canon to me tbh #I just borrow their designs and just do whatever kinda like playing with dolls making up your own bullcrap #thus these projections make sense to me ha #so yeah anyways #either way corpse is my main voice hc for whitty now even ignoring everything else #thus in my au whenever I draw him that's what he sounds like #or at least pretty similar-ish #so ye have fun with that info I guess or don't it's up to you really #eh idk where I'm going with this rambling #I probably need a nap lol bye #pls feel free to ignore ha

[eorzeashan]

I should just buckle down and finish instead of letting my fic do psychic damage to me when i'm not writing it but I still think about the juxtaposition of Eight next to Theron. I've been trying to parse why their relationship is so tense from Theron's pov even though Eight feels no threat or animosity towards him whatsoever and besides the guilt, it's because he's looking at what he's afraid of being: a spy that became so much of the role's definition that he no longer has any place among other people. One who is used to hurting and hurting others. An agent who only exists in the liminal spaces of blacked-out documents and in the hurried whispers of shadowy figures that do not stay.

Theron is a good spy. He devotes himself wholly to the job. But he hurts and hesitates when forced to do an aspect of it that goes against his conscience; an odd thing to have as an agent, when betrayal is the name of the game.

He remains riddled with guilt for one mission that ultimately had no friendly casualties, while Eight stands before him, an agent known for killing friend and foe, for his lack of commitment to sides, for his self-made solitude built out of the skeletons of other people. Eight is so desensitized to the game that he can thrive nowhere else. Eight has been in it so long he does not blink at these actions, nor at Theron's. He wonders if he's really here for him or just to watch him fall, like a carrion feeder waiting for the body to cool.

Then he beats himself up for thinking that way towards someone who has taken shrapnel for him without hesitation before, and the cycle of having no answers to a cipher of a living being continues.

But in the back of his mind, he sees the same nightmare he so often dreams about on the most sleepless of eves; Eight is extending a hand to him, halfway through a door with no light. "Come on," He says, darkness lapping at his outline like disturbed waters, "I'll lead you to a place where no one can see your mistakes ever again."

#swtor #oc: orradiz #the pipeline of theron being scared of him then being scared of being him was slow. #it's a ridiculous notion from an outside pov #but i feel like alone with his anxiety during the traitor arc feeling how he lives for the first time #rejected by the people you serve and alone in your own game #he wonders if this is the first of many good intentions that lead to eight's hell. #they're spies. they're not from some different planet #but at the same time...I suppose he's hard to look at when you're someone like theron. who does not want to forget what it means to live #to forget your personhood... #there's the actual idea of a spy (a tool) vs an idealistic vision of a spy (a person at the same time) #and I think theron embodies the other half so the horrifying aspect of being one occasionally brushing against him #like the curious touch of a passing sea beast that you can't see under your boat #kinda shakes him #eight is very much a personification of the horrors of espionage #people also tend to be much more scared of what they think is duplicity behind a kind veneer #theron isn't some naive babe in a cradle unknown to these horrors #but he still balks at killing. at betrayal. #he holds very tight to his idea of right bc i think if he didn't have that he'd have nothing #is this your friend? or your cautionary tale?

[rainyjackalope]

tumblr is way better than twitter but i will say if they wanted to take a page out of twitter's book and make something like circles a thing that'd be rly cool

that was one of my fave features because sometimes I want to post something only to a very particular group of followers that isn't supposed to be fully public like a question, art trade inquiry, discord link, etc

we should bring that here

#goes well with polls too bc maybe you only want your followers to answer or something #OH we should also have follower only posts in general that cant be reblogged and only show up for followers #but we should still have circles bc I like to put mutuals in it that I'm familiar with #any random person can become a follower at any time but I like having my little bonus list of people I actually know #maybe an unpopular idea though here? i dont see why though #dont have to use it if you dont want to #rainy rambles #id suggest posts that show up to mutuals only in general but the way tumblr handles multiple blogs makes that kinda hard #so I'd rather just curate my own list per blog #mainly for this one though

[palms-upturned]

.

#meg talks #dude trying to write jean vicquemare is so hard 💀 #i think mostly bc like. idek how to articulate my thoughts abt this guy #tbh i can’t say i Like jean since he’s. y’know. a cop #kinda like how harry is v interesting and i am invested in him as a person by virtue of inhabiting him #im sort of invested in jean as someone who’s important to harry #and as someone who’s an interesting individual in his own right #(never not thinking about ‘’there is nothing more in that beloved future of yours. we are all done there. done and gone.’’) #but im also like. man i dunno. i don’t think harry has any real future w the rcm #not a good one anyway #and i feel his friendship w jean is like… #well it’s on its last leg really isn’t it… if you don’t stay sober and u have no one to vouch for you #he leaves you to potentially die #i don’t know… sksbsbxjxj I understand how and why they ended up where they are now #but i don’t feel like there’s any real chance of them coming back from it u know #i get the appeal of the content of the task force friendship™️ stuff but i just can’t get behind it #like yeah they’re friends but they’re so… [gestures helplessly] #i can’t even articulate it!!! i just feel like them all being cops really destroys the potential for REAL friendship #i think even the miracle that brought kim and harry together will lose its luster if they don’t change #where was i even going w this idk anymore 😭 #just lots of complicated feelings abt jean and harry’s friendship #i think he’s a v funny and interesting and complex character but also not a good guy #what does any of that mean in the end? i dunno im falling asleep