#it's like something something growing up in a homophobic household | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

milfism-blog · 2 months

Text

Bar of Destiny

Melissa Schemmenti x Fem Reader

Summary: You are going through a confusing path of self identity. Will your views on life change when you meet an Italian redhead in the old sports bar?

Warnings: Inner homophobia, comphet, alcohol consumption, mentions of hetero relationship, little angst, fluff, Smut.

Word count: 6.3k

Author`s note: I hope you'll like it, trust the process. My requests are open for your suggestions\ideas. Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy the story!

On a boring Friday evening, you found yourself in a cheap old bar where men were watching tv and talking shit about their wives. How did you end up there? Well, let's start from the beginning then…

You heard a lot about the self identity crisis but as far as you knew it was mainly common for men in their late 40s. But you certainly were not a man and not that old. To reconsider your life choices and the most calming and thinking spot you could master became this decrepit bar. Growing up in a conservative household with a single mom and being an older sister certainly gave you a hard time. So you mustered a plan to leave this lifestyle and never get back. But some principles, morals and negative attitudes towards the lgbtq+ community stayed. But again you also knew the saying “The gayest people are the homophobes”. And to be completely honest just one little thought about being or trying something with a woman was scaring you to death. And you came here to show yourself that you are a straight woman who can be in a relationship with a man.

You accepted this challenge from yourself, but if you at least like men a little bit you probably would not call it a challenge. To ease your anxiety, you are sipping your beer carefully while sitting alone close to the bar counter. The bar is supposed to close in 3 hours and you still haven't found a good looking man. To put it mildly, all of them looked strange or not to your taste. So far no more than sharing a gaze with a bartender. He was the most normal? Out of all…?

After a while, you sensed an intense stare. And surely it was not from the bartender he had enough work to keep him busy. You looked around yourself to catch the observer but nothing. But the uneasy feeling of being watched is still present in your mind. Your lateral vision caught some movement on the other side of the bar. You tried your best not to interact or make any eye contact. Again you came there to find a guy or try to. However, even a single conversation or hint is uncomfortable, to put it mildly, now back to the incognito viewer. He revealed himself by sitting beside you. The first thing that got your attention about the mysterious man was his perfume which hit your tender senses. You never were a fan of the men's cologne… It was so strong yet you could detect notes of floral-musky fragrance. That could be sweet notes from the female perfume. The idea provided you with little comfort.

Compared to the others at this establishment, he didn't seem as scary. His hazel eyes were on you, seemingly surveying your evening attire. You did the same scanning his choice of clothes for the lonely Philly bar. Taking a close look at his face, brows turned upwards, eyes bloodshot leaving the expression of sadness perhaps sorrow. Dirty uniform and strong smell of mixed vodka with beer. Which is known for being a hell of a hangover. The red handprint on his right cheek. All this has been telling you that this man has been dumped by a woman, the strong one apparently who does not hold back.

The man got the courage to start a conversation with you. His words were slurred a bit mixed with a rough Philadelphian accent. His voice is smoked with raspiness. You usually loved raspy voices but if they belonged to women, not to men. Once more your mind still wanders to women. Anyway, returning to the subject in question, the forced conversation, you couldn't call it a conversation, it was more of a monologue, you were answering from politeness.

“What's a girl like you doin here? Aren't ya scared ya gonna receive unwanted attention with this dress of yours?” He questioned with little teasing in the last sentence while wiggling his eyebrows.

“Already got that.” Rolling your eyes you mumbled so he would not hear the words leveling your lips.

“Don't ya be scared I am a good guy, I`m Gar by the way.” He smiled, giving you his hand for a shake. You were thinking about turning him down but you had a task to accomplish, make sure that you would find a man.

“Nice to meet you.” You forced out.

“It's not that I'm prying but why are you here?'' You made an attempt to shift the topic from you to him. You would rather listen than talk about your business and share it with a random man.

By asking this question you opened the whole pandora box of problems. The guy has been sharing with you like you were his therapist. However, to be fair, he started talking about his job. Most of the time people don't remember his name, only the fact that he is some “vending machine guy”. Women don't like him. You almost chuckled at that. “Gosh men are so dramatic” - you thought to yourself.

“Ya are a woman, why don't they like me? I have the body of a young man, I work out regularly, I buy them gifts and all I'm left with is a broken heart.” He complained. Signing sadly.

“If I am a woman that doesn't mean I can answer this question. There might be a lot of factors, maybe you are just not their type. Things happen.” You don't even know why you were answering his rhetorical question.

“Yeah but, I thought that I had found my woman, for real now, I thought that she was the one. Everything was fine, amazing even. I planned a dream proposal for her. I knew that she was a huge Eagles fan and I was going my way to make a deal with Jalen Hurts himself to play our song. He read my words that I had put on the paper for her. And you know what she did? –”

There was a long pause. He took a big gulp of vodka. Hissing as the burning liquid traveled down his throat.

“She said: "No "! Can you imagine, I made all this for nothing, she burned down three years of my life! She is the wrong one. I was perfect. I bought her gifts, her favorite snack from the vending machine, and asked her out to the cafes. One time I even saved MY money up so I could pay for our special cruise. And all this for nothing, for the rejection, best years spent on this bitch!”

He was whining and complaining like a fifth year old boy who did not get his way on the toy that he wanted to buy. “Gosh respect, come on!” - You thought. You tried so hard not to laugh at his face. He is so miserable as a person by himself. A man in his late 50s calling a bitch a woman who turned him down. “Just learn to accept rejection, hadn't he had half of his life to learn it?”. When your mind was lost in thought your ears peaked at the description of his ex.

“But her beauty, ohhh, her body to die for. The tight fitting outfits were showing off all of her gorgeous body. Her eyes are emerald green, red looks of voluminous hair, make-up was done flawlessly, always put together…” He sighed in the memory of his past lover.

Yes, you kind of liked his description but the sad part was that he cared the most was her looks. He said nothing about her qualities as a human. Is she kind? Outgoing? Extrovert or introvert? Does she like to hang out in bars or is she more like a stay at home person? You were having all these questions even though you never saw her. She might be cool if she pissed him off this hard.

__________________________________________Life works as the most humorous TV show that you can only imagine. Garry the man you met at a bar a couple of months ago. Now you were dating? Or so you called it. More like friends with benefits or relationships without any responsibilities. Well to briefly describe your dynamics as a couple. He was working, you were working, nothing cool was happening. To be fair he tried to organize some dates but they were horrible. You two would always end up at the oldest, rastest bar in the whole town. Just so he can “legally” watch football during your date. If you are completely honest you did not mind, every time he was occupied it felt like a breath of fresh air. Some free time? You were not only “dating” but also sharing a flat. First it was chipper for you to save some money and secondly he was never there.

Why were you with him in the first place? Experiment..? Or this one of many excuses. Nonetheless, you set boundaries with him. He was too lazy to work on gaining your trust or any sort of effort in these so-called relationships. But the lack of effort simply led him to spend time with his dudes watching football and all that boring men stuff. It didn't matter if he was occupied with work or if he was having fun with women, you simply couldn't care less.

The main point was that you chose him, and you were living with him so that equals you are attracted to him. If you are finding him attractive that matters that you are attracted to men…? Right?

Despite this miserably boring lifestyle you got yourself into. You went to the bar again. If he can “cheat” or have fun with other women. Maybe you could try to find someone better than him? It was like your tradition at this point to get to that bar to drink beer or something stronger and that usually helped you to forget about your non boyfriend? Or what should you call him? But instead of seeing men there you saw her…

The beautiful stranger was sitting near you at the poorly lit bar. You were curious how she ended up here? Was she sinking her sorrows into the poisoned liquid or was it just a hard week? Did she break up with her boyfriend? Who in their right mind would not treat her right? This time you enjoyed the company of a captivating stranger. Maybe she did not know you liked her calming aura. But she doesn't need this information or she would think you are a creep. She probably has a lot of men beneath her feet. Ready to do anything for her.

Using your side vision desperately trying not to stare you noticed her brightly red locks. Her hair was like a halo reflecting the red in her hair. Her green eyes were shining with sadness. You started to wonder who had hurt such a beautiful flower. Her delicate fingers firmly held onto the glass with cognac the courage liquid. Index finger playing with the rim of the glass. Debating whether or not she should talk with you.

“Are ya alone here hun?” - Thick Philly accent had brushed over your sensitive ears.

Your gaze was so fixated on her beauty that you missed what she said or asked, you were not sure. It felt like a dream. Like she was not real. You thought you had too many beers to process the situation you are in. Woman simply cannot be this magnifying and most importantly real… In flesh and blood sitting near you.

“You were talking to me?” You answered nervously. Playing with the rings on your fingers. Why were you nervous?

“Yes, we’re the only one’s here.” She gestured around the bar counter. As if it is the most obvious thing in the world. But you did not care if there were people or not, she was the one that took your interest.

Yes, yes you're right sorry.” You suddenly felt so embarrassed in front of this attractive woman.

“You don't have to be sorry about anything hun. I was wondering why ya would be in a place like this? Why would such a fragile young pretty girl be here?” She asked with curiosity and concern evident in her voice.

Your mind stopped in its tracks when she called you “fragile”. For some reason you liked it. You were a fight girl. You did not need anyone’s protection. But the word “fragile” tenderly slipped from her lips with care made you want something more. Oh here goes this feeling again —

“You want an honest answer?” You asked with a chuckle.

“If you’d share” She simply answered, shrugging her shoulders.

“I was gonna look for a man but so far they all are disgusting…” you shared your truth.

This answer made a redhead laugh out loud. The good, sincere happy laugh. When she was giggling her face was hit by the sunlight. Highlighting all of her smile lines and freckles. Her eyes finally lit up with joy. You felt a pleasant warm feeling in your chest. You liked that you could add more smiles to her peach colored lips.

“I was expecting’ anything but that answer–” her laugh betrayed her.

“Ya are funny, ya know that?” Her eyes sparkled with contentment. And for some reason you wanted to make her smile and giggle more… gosh her laugh sounded like the most melodic sound you ever heard in your life.

“Well thank you, I guess.'' You were unsure of what to say. It's more like being stuck in wonder. Her beauty was so captivating it was challenging you to stay focused on her words rather than on her looks.

“I’m gonna buy yа a drink, we need to chat and that’s on me.” She leaned closer to you. Trying to appear dangerous so there will be no room for argument. But it had a completely opposite effect on you could smell her sweet perfume, it was making you more drunk than you actually were. Of course, you said “Yes” to this offer!

That night gave you a new friend and companion during lonely nights. You could always call her and share whatever is bothering your soul. She has a guy for every single problem. The closer you got with Melissa the more tension you got in your household with Gerry. He did not like the idea that you were spending a lot of time with another person. Woman to be specific. He did not know her name or her appearance. But when you brought up all the women he has been with while you were at home he would get defensive trying to find insults. Which you found funny, a grown man doesn't know how to talk with you. He never understands you in the first place.

It didn't matter how open you were with Melissa or how close your friendship was getting. You try to hide that private part of your life. It does not feel right. For some strange reason it felt like betrayal. Initially because she shared with you intimate details of her failed marriage and engagement. You were there with every step of her healing journey. When she was angry, sad, lost, depressed. You started to wonder if all men were like this. Clumsy and ignorant to understand what their woman really wants. Maybe dating a woman is better?

You felt obligated to share with her but the guilt was too much to be fully sincere. Especially with every passing month, it was enough time for you to gain her trust but you were terrified to admit it out loud that you were taken and saying this to her.. would be the point of no return. So your answer to her curiosity was that your life is boring and you simply don't have a partner. Even if she questioned your honesty with her, it was none of her business. First and foremost she was a friend and not a police officer to question you.

But this particular evening in the Italian's house you felt at peace. You loved to be with her. You felt so content. You have everything you'll need, even wine. She was so sweet to share some clothes with you. To be honest you didn’t bring some of Melissa`s items right back to her until her perfume would vanish away. That’s how much you loved her scent? Her—?

If you believed in God you would have thought that the guy was tempting you today. Melissa wore a short pink pj… That was a strong start to the evening. You could not focus on a single thing. Your mind and body were on fire. Your brain was working one hundred miles per hour. It was too much. But she was acting as if nothing was going on. Of course, all this was in your head. She simply was clueless about the effect this item of clothes was having on you. If you were more engaged in gay culture you would know that what you had at that specific moment called “A gay panic…”.

Your eyes started shamelessly to roam her body in the tight pink pajamas. You could not control it. She looked so delicious. The garment showed more creamy skin than you are used to. Of a year of your friendship you TAUGHT YOURSELF NOT TO REACT at all. Be cool about her tight, sometimes revealing outfits. But this – this was way out of line of your control. Your mind was just screaming how incredibly hot she was. If you didn't know better you would assume that she was seducing you. But gosh those hips and tights. Looked so soft it seemed to you that they were begging for your attention. To touch to explore the new flesh that was open for your eyes to see. And your fatal mistake was to move your gaze up to her chest. Now you were trapped, her breasts were one of the most attractive things. First you thought you were just jealous of her size and how confidently open she was with them. But now, it all felt in place, you got it. How full, squishy and tender they really are. To add to this almost see-through top of her pjs. That was a killer. You honestly don't know how men could be so stupid to miss on this real life goddess. The soft skin and nipples peeking out. You thought you were hallucinating, the buds were calling your name “Touch me” the words were echoing in your overstimulated brain.

Next final thing was her bare face, it was a privilege to see her without a brave mask which included her makeup. She was a little bit insecure about how she looked without it. But all you could think of was kissing her face every part of it, her nose, eyes, temple. To show your adoration not only with words but with actions. Her skin looked absolutely flawless for you. Hell her body was absolutely fire. The other day she was complaining to you that she ate too much pasta and now she has added weight. But goodness gracious all you could see was the healthy curved body of your favorite woman. You loved her butt the second thing after her breasts and face of course. Even though you were absolutely drooling over her body and sexyness. You were better than a man. At least you respected her more and loved listening to her stories. Back to the subject, her kooley as people in Philly say is a work of art. All natural and seizable. You could only dream of putting your hands there and outrageously roam, pinch, caress all sorts of things. To feel it closer to you to get a better feeling.

Her hair was put down, all that was left of her styling was a slight wave at the ends of auburn hair. She might not like how she looked like this but god you loved to see her like this. Bare face, less clothes (obviously), and natural hair structure. It was giving you an allusion to the ability to fantasize and experience domestic life with her. Where she is just your Mel and not that tough woman you know. She might appear as a lion but in reality under all these layers of makeup, clothes and hair she is just an orange silly little cat. Who is touchy and clingy to attention and hugs.

“Hun are ya with me??” Her raspy voice was ticketing your ears pleasantly.

“Huh? Yes yes.” You tried to sound convincing. Miserably failing with nervousness in your voice. You were caught red handed. She knew that you saw.. more like stared at her body.

You never could fool her. She saw right through you. The sly smirk on her lips was the evidence that you were completely awful at lying. At least to her.

“I asked if ya are okay?? You’ve been silent for this whole time.” She said either teasing or worrying, probably both. Slightly nudging your shoulder.

“Ohhh , right I was just thinking about my home stuff you know? Domestic life.” You cringed at your bad choice of words. Stupid lie that you made up on the spot. Without even thinking about it though. You rolled your eyes at the last sentence, which was nonsense.

When she finally got your attention for the hundredth time. You two began watching the movie which was the main plan for the sleepover. Since you were much younger you would show her some new movies or TV shows that you loved. The biggest secret that you didn't know was that all the shows that you showed to her. Became her comfort movies and series. Calming her down after a stressful day at Abbott. Even though you weren't there with her but when she opened the streaming service to dive into the made up universe and characters it felt like you were right there with her, the whole time. It appeared as if the sun was shining on her during a rainy day. You were her sun.

The movie that she picked today was no help. It was a romantic line between characters who were friends but denied feelings for each other. Kind of reminded you of your situation with Melissa. But even if you would be brave enough to admit it to yourself. You couldn't even imagine what she was thinking about you. Were you her friend? Best friend? A distraction or a good company?

Melissa patted her lap as a sign for you to get comfortable between her plushingly seducing thighs to lay of course nothing more .“What a loss” You considered, but once again you were getting closer and closer with every passing hour. When you back touched her front it was challenging for Melissa to hold down a whimper that was willing to escape her mouth. The warmth of her body was too much, sending all kinds of sensations down to your core. Suddenly you are a hot, nervous mess but in the second she looks at you and pecks your temple you are a putty puddle in her hands. You don't care at this point. You wanted her to decide what will come next. You were just too insecure to make a move on a smoking hot redhead. Sure, she was intimidating but also she had her boundaries that you were too scared to overstep. Because you knew that one little childish mistake will lead you to lose the only person you care about in this town.

The movie was progressing and a lot of things were happening but you were not focused at all. You tried to steal some glances at relaxed cute and real Melissa Schemmenti. It was such a rare sight for your eyes, but again boundaries. You were unaware how much she thought it was adorable. Oh, how you tried to respect her but also like a cutely clumsy school girl looking at her crush. You were admiring her beauty. Memorizing every small detail of her beautiful features.

For some reason you skipped the moment in the annotation to the film which was describing the possible sex scenes. And that is certainly something that you would not like to watch together. Firstly it is hella awkward. Secondly you would be left with an uncomfortably wet spot in your panties specilly with Melissa by your side. But here you were with the main characters finally confessing their feelings and passionately kissing. “What dumbasses” you thought. To have all these feelings and not share them with the person you find attractive. (That was currently your situation that you were so stubbornly ignoring).

One blink of your eye and the older woman is pressing you down on her coach. Mumbling something under her breath. Her hands were passionately roaming your already overstimulated body. Her long sharp freshly manicured nails draw shapes over the fabric above your hips. These actions elicit a moan from your rosey lips. She fakely paunted at your moan playing innocence herself. Her sly smile and shiny with lust eyes were telling you another story. There was fire behind the emerald forest of greens in her eyes. She was more than ready to overstep, even ruin those stupid boundaries. Redhead was so tired of looking at the lips she could not kiss. It was a pure torture to the unpatient woman. But you were more worked up than she was. Which led you to yank her fiery locks of hair to make her meet your lips finally. You were so tired of this game for being a year long. Your lips were desperate to taste hers. Sloppy movements of tender flesh against each other. Smearing her cherry red lipstick all over your faces. Slightly biting on her sensitive bottom lip pulling it. The curiosity and excitement is rising in your body, making you buzz.

But Melissa wasn't planning on holding back. She liked the way you tried to take the lead, but she will teach you manners later by edging you. While she was in thoughts the animalistic instincts took over you and the fact that she was sitting on top of you was just adding fuel to the flame. Her breasts are free from her usually tight bra, all free for you to see. Your hands were faster than you thoughts, you ripped the poor flap of her night t-shirt. And her breasts fall right to your face. Too blissed out to care, your palms squashed the desired flesh of her silky breasts. Nails teasing the very sensitive areolas making her chocolaty nipples stand in anticipation. Silently begging for any sort of attention.

“Yesss… ah– like dis.” she whimpered out. Her eyes are rolling in pleasure.

Her accent is getting thicker with a mix of arousal and desire. Her raspy voice is like a natural aphrodisiac for you, making you more eager to please. Pushing stubborn redhead on shoulder blades, taking her by surprise, making Mel open her mouth and sneaking your tongue into her warm welcoming lips. She tasted so sweet her perfume was intoxicating your senses, making you addicted to a mix of musky and flowery scent. Her whines were getting louder with passing kisses. Suking on her tongue, your strong hands traveling over her tiny waist. Willing to see all of her you asked permission to tore down the seducingly tight pajama shorts she gave you an assuring nod.

“No, no, I need your words.” Shaking your head in disapproval. Eyes shining with want.

You whispered in her ear, slightly biting the earlobe. Sending shivers all over her neck and making small hairs on her nape to stand up. You absolutely enjoyed the effect your actions and words were having on her body and state in general. Where is the lion everyone was so afraid of? Right now she appears incredibly lustful. Completely lost in the fog of want, desire, sexual longing.

“Yes, yes please huunnn” She cried out. Bucking her exquisite hips to ease the job for you.

Ripping down the last garment of clothes seemed like a gift. She was your present to unpack and find the most sensitive buttons to tease and push. Carefully rather agonizingly slowly taking off the light pink, cotton shorts slowly revealing the glistening pussy. It was a view to see. Sexually frustrated Schimmenti trying so hard to suppress her frantic cries. But the ruined garment was the shameful evidence of her desire. You were admiring her long legs and lustrous hips. Now on full display only for your eyes to see. Her thighs seemed immensely empty, lacking any potential markings. Getting under your desire you felt like a predator eating its prey. You carefully started to explore the exposed flesh to your eyes, so hungry for more. Leaving slight love marks here and there initially provoking a sweet melody from the object of your admiration. Finally squeeze her deliciously seducing butt. Electrifying a nasty groan.

Mel had a naughty idea to catch you off guard. Abruptly grabbing your hands makes your gaze meet. Her pupils were delayed, absolutely fogged out. You looked at her questingly, but she had her own plan, the lion was back and now you were the cat. Pressing tightly her body against your sweat mixing. She boldly licked your earlobe, slightly pulling on it.

“Look who`s gon` all shy right now, let me be the boss.” She made accent on the last word clearly showing you your place.

Just the slight dominance from her was sending you to another orbit of fantasy and possible pleasure. Her boobs were again in your face but instead of focusing on pleasuring the Italian beauty you felt how she was tearing your clothes off. Slowly, teasingly to make you taste the same treatment you made for her. She could smell your fluids in the air as she got closer. Sultry sweet, sweat, skin, wine. All in one, that's how she likes you and to add the cherry on top, you were completely at her mercy. Looking at your chest rising up and down, your heart is jumping straight out of your rib cage. To ease the beating she left the hickey right above your heart, leaving a purple and pink mark from the smeared lipstick. Your breasts were tantalizing her. Aroused nipples screaming for any sort of relief from the teasing partner. She took the hint and licked the stripe over the right nipple, her hand playing slowly with the left one. You are crying out at the wet sensation. Melissa`s hands continue shamelessly to crumpling your sensitive tits. Licking, sucking, blowing at the wet aroused skin. Making you surrender completely.

The redhead smiles at your relaxed face but now it is time to give you two a sweet well deserved release. She's been fantasizing about it, how you will come, how she will pleasure you, what faces you would make and how you would sound. Would she use her mouth on you or her sharp fingernails? Or maybe you would enjoy a bit of pain and pleasure together? Would you scream, cry, fight? She often was getting off on these fantasies. Now she was getting desperate and her inner monologue was turning her on even more. (If it was even physically possible).

But the idea of cumming together and feeling each other's bodies was the one for tonight. So full of delight Melissa has stopped her assault on your reddened breasts. She had a look of concern and excitement written on her face.

“Baby are ya willin` to try somethin`out with me? Do you trust me enough?”

She asked in a gentle voice. Mel broke her dominant attire for this minute, she needed you to understand her intentions were nothing but good.

“Yes fully. I am all yours.” You whined out in a weakened voice.

Your mind was clouded with all sorts of feelings. Love, arousal, overstimulation? Everything at once. But the concern in her voice and love in her gaze was warming your heart. Even if she wanted to destroy you, you would say “yes” in a heartbeat.

She carefully parted your legs with warm hands of hers sending shivers to your sentave thighs. The sight of your glossy cunt was making her mouth salivating, just one thought about the exquisite taste was making her hips buck unconsciously. The action made you slip a tiny moan. Melissa put her legs over your hips making your cunts millimeters apart. Heavy breathings, chest rising in anticipation of the pleasure you two gonna share together. You broke the teasing it was too much at this point it felt like hours of torture. (You liked little bit of torture, but now its not about it, now is about connection).

You palmed her hips, focusing the main attention on her kooley. Slightly pressing your pussies together, clits throbbing against each other. You both moaned at the pleasant contact. The wetness pressed to wetness. You could sense the surprised look from Melissa, she never thought she'd be this wet, and certainly that she could make you this wet. As Schemmenti is, she took the lead. Plush hips riding yours, sending electricity through both of you. Soaked clits touching, making you whine both shuddering at the aching feeling.

“Agh– like this please Mel.” You begged.

If only you knew the effect begging had on Melissa. She liked every single sounds you made together whether it's a moan or watery sounds from your cunts. You cupped her rosy cheeks, making Italiano look you right in the eyes. The light banging of hips and the wet sounds filled the room. It felt like it was only you two in that room. Just you, just your feelings, pleasure. The heated kisses shared in the tender moment. Tugging at fiery red hair just added to the general bliss. Her soft skin, full puffy lips from all shared kisses between the steamy sessions, dark green eyes completely blown by lust. Melissa swirled her hips again making your clits in contact bringing the sweet pleasure from wonderful frequstion. It almost made you see stars. You were close and so was she. Breasts closely pressed together, nipples brushing, cunts closer than ever.

“Mel baby I`m closeee.” You cried out, with tears in your eyes.

“Don't come yet, hun I want us to do it together.” Melissa breathed out with drops of sweat running down her face.

You eagerly nodded, you didn't want to disappoint your lover. Bodies knit together, sweat, skin, smell of sex, and perfume overflowing the room. Melissa`s movements became increasingly stiff and steady making it her mission to make you cum. Putting all her body weight on your pelvis, humping her hips on your clit providing each step closer to the finish. She had her concentrated face which looked hot as hell. At this point anything could make you blow up with pleasure, but as a good girl you waited for your lover. Fiery Italian was getting closer and closer. Her first instinct was to press your head tightly to her deliciously full breasts.

“Yeah I'm almost there, suck on my nipple, hun please! I'm almost there!” She cried out while moving her thighs faster.

Melisa`s fist was in your soft locks pushing you impossibly close to her sensitive breasts. Sucking, nibbling, licking it later to smooth the reddened flesh. To provide the redhead release faster you bucked in the unison. Clits caressing against each other, hips riding the last straw to send you both into pure bliss. On the pick of your best orgasm you said:

“I LOVEE YOUU MEL aghhh!!”

“LOVE YOUU HUN ughh!!”

No awkwardness, just all the feelings that were bubbled inside were finally sent free by the sex, no it was lovemaking. Two souls tied together by love. Finally the ability to share and be honest with yourself ended up in a warm embrace with Melissa. She looked incredibly charming, her face a little red, sweat on her forehead but the smile and eye she was giving you. That was worth all the self doubt, battle and toxic thoughts of fixing yourself. You knew for sure you would never find another person who would fit your soul like Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmeni can.

__________________________________________

And what about Garry? You got the message from him during the night you were too busy to respond. Simply he wanted to know where you were “Where the fuck are you?” But why would it matter if you are laying in the arms of the most beautiful woman you ever saw. You were done with him. He was fucking around and still expected of you to be faithful? Delusional.

Thanks to Melissa and a lot of self analysis you get to the conclusion that men are probably not for you. No, they were surely not for you. You were lying to yourself for so long and now you were free. You just needed to find the right person and Melissa certainly was the one for you and you were the one for her. She just happened to be a woman and there is nothing wrong with it. There are more benefits than disadvantages.

Happy end!

The moral of the story is gays, love women and only women. Girls don’t want men, they want Melissa Schemmenti.

tags: @janeyseymour @springwitch26 @pinkthrone445 @melagnes @iamnotoriginalphil @spoilmesweetieforficssake @realwitchieshit @fadingdaggerr @schemmentisbranzino @milfandh0ney @aspirationalpeony @agnessharknes @mandy-asimp @milfjuulpod @cosmichahn @schemmentigfs @daddy-heather-dunbar @spooky-holtz @the-bad-batch @beshbarmak1

143 notes · View notes

aroaceconfessions · 11 months

Note

so you know how a lot of queer people grow up in a homophobic and purity obsessed environment? i feel like i almost had the opposite. i grew up in a relatively sex positive household with decent enough sex ed at school. abstinence was never pushed on me. i didn't grow up feeling like there was anything wrong with queerness... unless that queerness was aromanticism and asexuality. yes, i was lucky to grow up in an open minded household, but that doesn't mean i had a perfect childhood. no matter if you grew up in a conservative environment or an open minded one, if you're an aspec kid, you gonna get fucked up.

if you grew up conservative, it might seem like a virtue at first. you're one of the "good" kids because you're not interesting in dating, you're perfectly happy to "wait" because you don't understand what the rush is. until you become an adult and suddenly you're hounded with questions. why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? who are you going to marry? when are you going to marry? when you get married you'll be able to have lots of sex, as a reward for waiting. what do you mean you don't actually want sex? that's unnatural. you need to reproduce. now it's no longer a good thing to be disinterested. there is something wrong with you.

if you grew up in an open minded environment, it's very isolating. from my experience at least, you're hyperaware that everyone else is experiencing these feelings that you don't, and everyone is saying how normal it is, all teenagers have these feelings. you're not interested in boys? it's okay to like girls. look how progressive we are. why do you still look lost? who do you have a crush on? when are you going to start dating? why can't you be a normal teenager? you'll understand when you're older. sex is a normal and expected part of being an adult. why do you look uncomfortable? when are you going to lose your virginity? virginity is shameful. it means you're ugly. what a loser.

so yeah. i guess i'm lucky to grow up in the household i did. i'm trans and so grateful my family is supportive. but they don't know about my aroaceness. it's the part of my identity that makes me feel the least safe. i feel like i have the opposite problem of an allo person who grew up conservative. i'm an aspec person who grew up in an environment where sex was seen as normal and healthy to the point that not being interested was seen as abnormal and unhealthy. no matter what, aspec kids are shamed. the best case scenario would be a gay kid growing up in the latter situation. there is no best case scenario for aspec kids. and there won't be until aromanticism and asexuality are given widespread awareness and acceptance.

Submitted May 13, 2023

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #aro #ace #arospec #acespec #arose #transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #acephobia #aphobia #arophobia #amatonormativity

659 notes · View notes

josephquinnswhore · 1 year

Text

Don’t Listen

Pairing: Pedro Pascal X Fem! Bisexual Reader

Summary: you receive hate from Pedro's fans because they think you're lying about your sexuality.

Word Count: 0.9k

Content Warning: bullying, online harassment.

Note: I know it’s not pride month yet but IM PROUD TO BE APART OF THE COMMUNITY EVERY MONTH. Love you all so much 🏳️‍🌈. In Australia we recently just celebrated Mardi Gras - it inspired me to write something as a bisexual woman.

Pedro loved this time of the year, he supported the lgbtqi+ community loud and proud, using his platform, he became a public voice for people in the community to support them. You had reposted Pedro’s own tweet and made your own, being apart of the community as a bisexual woman, you wanted you extend your support and acknowledge the struggles the community has faced and face to this day, while admiring how far things had come in the past few decades.

Pedro’s ‘fans’ decided this was outrageous and they simply couldn’t accept it, Twitter users in general were blasting you, because you posted the pride flag and the bisexual flag, owning the hurdles and self doubt you’d felt with over the years coming to terms with your sexuality. Your brain kept repeating the words you read.

“Bisexual? She’s definitely cheated on pedro.” No. I would never.

“It’s any wonder she could attract one gender let alone two.” Everyone is beautiful.

“Fakeclaiming being apart of the lgbtqi community isn’t cute girl. Check yourself!!!!” I would never lie about something so important.

“Fucking dirty slut. Leave pedro and save yourself the embarrassment.” Why are do people say such horrible things.

“How can pedro be with someone like this?” He loves me, right?

Pedro hadn’t been oblivious to the fact that you’d received hate comments over the years as a result of being his girlfriend, it was expected, and usually you handled things great. Communicated with Pedro and your skin grew thicker over time, their comments about you held no weight, your kindness became power for you, disgregarding them like water off a ducks back.

This however, triggered you immensely and sent your mind spiraling, your brain searching for the memories that had traumatised you as a teenager growing up in a strict and homophobic household. It was the one and only thing you truly struggled with in your life, and thought you overcame.

Pedro has never seen a moment where you doubted yourself or a decision you seemed confident making. He had never been in the position where he has seen you so broken down as you are now;

Pacing the lounge room, tears streaming down your cheeks, red and swollen under eyes, and body trembling, the culprit of your broken demeanour coming from your phone, your eyes encaptured in a trance, unable to stop reading.

Pedro rushed forward and pulled you into his body, your arms in an awkward position press against your chests folded inward. You leaned your head on his shoulder, the softness of his sweater inviting you into him, adding to the comfort he provided. His hand caressed the back of your head, stroking your hair, his fingertips lingering on your scalp causing a ticklish tingle that send a shiver down your neck.

“Shhh, I’ve got you.” His hushed voice whispering in your ear made you weak, your heart soaring and overflowing with love as he swaddles you in his arms, protecting you.

“Look at me baby.” You comply, your lip is in a small pout as it wobbles, your eyes shining with a gloss that made your eye colour more enticing as they’re full of emotion, a redness covered your cheeks and top of your nose that begged to be kissed to relieve their anguish.

“No one knows your struggle. You are an incredible, brave and intelligent woman and I am so proud to call you my girlfriend.” Tears fall from your lash line and tickle your red cheeks momentarily before Pedro wipes the tear away with his thumb.

“Repeat it with me baby.” The sincerity in his voice has your chest constricting.

“I am incredible.” His brown eyes watch you as you repeat him.

“I am brave.” Your lips mimic the words and he cracks a small smile.

“I am intelligent.” Your lip stops wobbling through the last affirmation, your eyes drying, tear stains on your cheeks crusting.

“You deserve me, I deserve you.” Your voice repeats his words solidly, believing his reassurance.

“Take some breaths with me now baby okay? Just follow my lead.” Pedro inhales deeply, you inhale, your lungs expanding and holding the air for a few seconds before releasing the exhaling with him. Repeating the process, your mind becomes clear with clarity, the overwhelming anxiety dissipating as your usual levelness settles in your brain like a freshly dried blanket providing some comfort.

You open your eyes to Pedro staring down at you, observing you. His eyebrows are raised upward baring concern, lines in his forehead creasing at the action. “Thank you for bringing me back.” Your whisper barely reached his ears, your fingers tickling his face as you traced shapes along his patchy beard. “I’m always going to be here baby. You handled it incredibly, I’m so proud of you.” He leans his head down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead that lingers for a few seconds before parting. Brown eyes scanning your face, admiring the beauty of you, even after you had a breakdown. Pedro took you all, the good the bad, the fucking terrible. He would do it everyday if he had to. You were his girl, he would move mountains for you.

“I’m so lucky to have you. I love you Pedrito.” His nose comes down to nuzzle your own, foreheads pressed together lovingly in an effort of Pedro creating a safe space for you. “I love you baby, happy pride month.”

#Pedro pascal #pedroxreader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x bisexual reader #pedro pascal angst #pedro pascal comfort #pedro pascal boyfriend #pedro pascal rpf #pedropascalxreader

203 notes · View notes

inmyheadimobsessed · 1 year

Text

— more than i should masterlist

— pairing: riri williams ✘ black!fem!reader

— series summary: riri williams hated you. from the cold stares and the snide remarks, there was no other conclusion to be drawn. the logical response in this circumstance would be to ignore her, avoid her at all costs. you weren't friends, so this should be an easy task. you only had one class with her, and you rarely saw her around campus outside of it. that was until you started dating her best friend. suddenly you'd found yourself thrusted directly into her life, and suddenly her attitude towards you was becoming an issue. you were never one to care what people thought of you, but something about riri captured your need to please. it was easy to convince yourself you only cared because of your boyfriend. she was his best friend, so the two of you needed to get along. he was none the wiser, chalking her coldness toward you up to her naturally standoffish nature. but you knew better. one way or another, riri williams was going to like you, you would make sure of it. (or the one where you're on a mission to make your boyfriend's best friend like you and the two of you end up falling for each other instead)

— series warnings: CHEATING!! (if you aren't into that, don't read), angst, fluff, smut (eventually) 18+, slow burn building a friendship between reader x riri first, lying, sneaking around, friendship betrayal, jealousy, possessiveness, homophobia (reader is just beginning to question her sexuality after growing up in a homophobic household), riri is mean (at first), lots of tension, lots of emotional cheating beforehand, lots of guilt, mentions of riri having some intense nightmares, strong language at times, use of drugs and alcohol, riri falls first but reader falls harder, and just a bunch of mess!

☆ part one

summary: riri likes to stare, you'd gathered. she hates you, but enjoys watching you. everything she does leaves you flustered and confused, and craving her approval. all of which goes unnoticed by your boyfriend. a party leads to drinking and drinking leads to riri reluctantly driving you home, where she extends a slither of kindness.

☆ part two

summary: headaches, everyone gets them! your most recent one stems from poor decision making. but the one that reoccurs has a name: riri williams. she's in your head, and alone time with her only causes more pain, and more problems.

☆ part three

summary: in riri's mind of monsters, you were an angel. an angel whose attention she begrudgingly vied for. god, she didn't even know the extent in which she needed it — needed you, until you made yourself inaccessible.

#riri williams x black!reader #riri x reader #riri williams x black!fem!reader #riri williams x reader #myworks #riri smut #riri x black!reader #ironheart x reader #lyricswriting #ironheart x black!reader #dominique thorne #ironheart #iron heart #black panther #wakanda forever #bpwf #riri williams x fem!reader #riri williams

245 notes · View notes

that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction · 20 days

Note

I read somewhere that Merlin BBC (especially Merlin and Arthur's relationship) is subtext mlm like Hannibal NBC & Good Omens, do you agree?

Yes I do. The subtext is font size 20, bold and more consistent than the actual plot. /hj

In all seriousness though,

I don’t know anything about Hannibal NBC but Good Omens is a canonically queer show, I can’t remember the book enough to comment, it’s been a while since I read it properly more than skimming, but for the show but I’d definitely recommend season 2 to see more about Crowley and Aziraphel’s relationship. There’s also Maggie and Nina for lesbian rep, Muriel being canonically non binary and none of the angels or demons have a gender despite how they’re perceived.

As for BBC Merlin, they’ve confirmed it was intended to be a gay romance in the series finale commentary.

“In all seriousness, we did very genuinely think of the episode as a love story between two men” -quote by Julian Jones, the show’s director and producer with Katie McGrath, who played Morgana. There were also jokes about Merlin and Arthur being together throughout the commentary, comments about “there goes the last vestiges of his heterosexuality” “can’t have a show without lesbians” and “Merlin can’t have a love interest without you killing him off.” “Or her.” “Well,”(Last 3/5 quotes are paraphrasing, I don’t remember them word for word but you get the idea)

Contextually, it was before a time when gay marriage was even legalised in the UK and queer baiting wasn’t a thing because queerness wasn’t spoken about to begin with. There’s definitely something to be said for magic as an allegory for queerness and I can go into my opinions on that at length and in great detail if asked.

Merlin and Arthur’s relationship is canonically a friendship, there’s no denying that and as an aroace person it means the world to me that they weren’t together officially romantically, whatever you want to call it, even if they acted like an old married couple the entire time. In that same vein, as a queer person growing up in a very homophobic household in the UK, seeing them on tv as a kid was everything. I genuinely thought they were together for years until I started watching the show because I’d only seen a few bits and then fan edits of that moment by the river in season 2.

And this got longer than I was expecting so to summarise; I love merthur in all formats, be it romantic, platonic, or otherwise. But there is definitely subtext throughout the show, and a turning point for their relationship at the end of season 4/beginning of season 5.

#anon ask #ask me anything #thanks anon!#send asks #bbc merlin #merthur #i’m bad at tagging #magic as an allegory #merlin meta #sort of #i don’t know how to tag this #merlin and arthur

28 notes · View notes

trinityalps · 10 months

Text

Comparing the types of abuse and ACES experienced by the gang during childhood. LONG POST

Physical Abuse

Mac from his mother

Both Charlie and Mac are physically abused by peers. Specially mention to Charlie being force-fed things.

Emotional Abuse - Every Single One of Them

Charlie’s mom is coddling, controlling, emotionally manipulative - although possibly not intentionally - and expects/requires Charlie to take care of her.

Mac’s mom actively rejects Mac and seemingly always has. She barely speaks to him and expects him to remain quiet as much as possible. She actively insults him. Luther is homophobic and enforced an unobtainable standard of masculinity onto Mac. Seems to enjoy setting up tests for Mac to fail. Is hot-and-cold and unpredictable in his affection

Dennis is the Golden Child for his mom. She has high standards of presentable-ness he must maintain. She seems to have inspired his eating disorders and fear of aging or being ugly. He learns from her that degrading his sister is necessary to maintain his ‘status’/safety.

Dee is despised by her mother and scapegoated. She is demeaned constantly, including for a medical condition and the treatment she needs.

Both twins are ignored by there father and sporadically antagonized. Frank demeans them, insults them, and creates elaborate tricks to upset them for his own entertainment.

All members are bullied in their childhood. Special mention to Dee and Charlie.

Sexual Abuse

Charlie. Molested by his uncle, whom his mother allowed him to share a room with. His mother ignores Charlies distress enough that Jack can be actively Inappropriate in front of Bonnie and she does not react to him voicing discomfort.

Dennis is a victim of statutory rape. He rationalizes it as something he should have enjoyed. Also, I’d like the throw out that his relationship with Barbara feels very emotional-incest in my opinion.

Both Charlie and the Twins are exposed to the sexual activities of adults at a young age due to Bonnie doing sex work and Frank hiring sex workers.

Not quite sexual abuse, but Mac forces himself to have a lot of sex with people he is not attracted to in order to prove his worth and masculinity.

Physical Neglect

CHARLIE. Did not have anyone making him bathe as a child enough that he was visibly filthy throughout seemingly all of highschool. His adult teeth issues imply he was not taught to brush them and probably was not taken to a dentist. Presumably not to a doctor either.

Charlie was allowed to start doing drugs [inhalants, which are dangerous] seemingly without intervention despite it happening at school and being a spectacle among the students.

This is only speculation but given Charlie’s adult eating habits, I wonder what his food situation was like growing up. Also when did Charlie stop using toilets

Both Mac and Charlie are under supervised and allowed to get into dangerous situations

Emotional Neglect

EVERY ONE OF THEM IM NOT GONNA LIST IT ALL OUT.

Special mention to Frank seemingly actively teaching Dennis to repress his pain.

Mentally Ill Parents and Parents with Addictions

BONNIE BONNIE BONNIE

Also Mrs. Mac appears to be pretty depressed. Chain-smokes.

Frank is Frank

Barbara is a drug addict. Referred to by Frank as ‘pill popping’

Luther sold drugs, presumably there were drugs in the household during mac’s childhood. Presumably Luther and Mrs. Mac were users if not addicts.

Jack is not a parents but was present in Charlies childhood and has some sort of dysmorphia or delusion regarding his hands.

Parental Incarceration and Abandonment

Charlie’s Dad

Luther

Education Neglect

Charlie has been diagnosed with any type of learning disability despite being functionally illiterate. Was never given any type of help for behavioral issues despite still biting at least as late as elementary school. As far as we know he never had school staff intervene with the horrific bullying he experienced and no one appears to have called CPS despite him being visibly neglected. [I’m not sure what the mandatory reporter laws of Phili in the 80′s were like but what we know of Charlie’s school year would be a mandatory report for teachers today]

#iasip #iasip meta #my post #meta #charlie kelly #mac macdonald #dee reynolds #dennis reynolds #im in begging for people to interact with this.

104 notes · View notes

tinkeronii · 1 month

Text

I’ve seen a lot of discourse about Dylan mulvaneys song, cis women mad cause it’s “offensive” but will blast California girls and Kesha’s old songs and they’ll defend them saying something like “those are about partying not girlhood” or shit like that.

I’ll admit when I first heard the song, I was a bit taken aback, I thought the same thing, ‘how dare she reduce girlhood/womanhood to taking pills and retail therapy’. And I was convinced that I had an issue with it because of the lyrics, but I thought about it more and I had problem with it because it was a transwoman.

I grew up in a pretty conservative household, I held the same beliefs as my homophobic family members and I was hateful. I’ve grown a lot over the years and discovered I hated those things because they were things about myself that I hated.

I’m bi and non-binary and tbh I still have issues with that, I still wish I was straight and ok with being afab, I wish I was “normal”. But I am.

I still have so much internalized misogyny and transphobia in me and I didn’t realize it till I heard Dylan’s song. If it was anyone else singing I, and others, would’ve ate it up.

The songs not an anthem for girls/women. It’s a song for Dylan and HER days of girlhood, not mine, not yours, hers and others like her.

There is always room for growth. Even if you’ve grown A LOT there is still room for more. It’s okay to admit that you may still have some hate in your heart, I do and I’m working on it. I love Dylan, the songs not my fav, but I fully support her and her journey. And I support anyone who is still trying to grow and unlearn all the dumb shit you may have grown up with to better yourself and love your fellow humans.

#dylan mulvaney #days of girlhood #trans rights #nonbinary #I really hope I conveyed my point clearly

14 notes · View notes

dyinglikeastar · 1 year

Text

1.11 Veterans

"It's assholes like you that give Christians like me a bad name. You wanna talk about the hand of righteousness? You're gonna find out what that means."

I just want to talk about what's happening in this scene for a moment. Just moments prior to Art unceremoniously slamming a bible onto Boyd's hands, Raylan had been gleefully accusing him of murdering a man. In fact, Raylan knows Boyd had a hand in that man's death and he is correct. But as soon as that bible comes down? The loud noise, the abuse, the violence, the weaponization of religion? Something changes. Raylan was triggered, I think. He has literally never flinched at a suspect being roughed up before, not by his own hands or anyone else's. In fact, he will happily admit to enjoying it most of the time. But there's something different about this.

I think it's a combination of Art as a father figure and that when he looks at Boyd, Raylan still sees the past. I think that, like in most southern, evangelical Christian households, God and the Bible were used as a weapon and a fear tactic more than anything. [Personal thoughts and headcanons incoming] I think that Raylan is a gay man in a red state who grew up in a violently homophobic household, in a violently homophobic community, and he's having to sit by and watch as that violence is being inflicted upon the only other queer man he knew when he was growing up, and the one he happened to have also, maybe, loved. Has he had to witness something like that before, maybe, Boyd being abused in front of him, by a male authority figure, unable to do anything about it? I don't think it's unlikely.

I think this is also why, when Art first asks Raylan about Boyd in the pilot, Raylan tells him, "We weren't what you'd call friends," despite the fact that through that same episode he tells Dewey that they were buddies who used to drink together and Boyd makes mention of his Daddy and brings up the fact that Ava's gravy isn't as good as Raylan's momma's used to be, implying that they would've been a lot closer than just two men who "dug coal together" when they were nineteen. But of course he wouldn't say any more than that, he'd downplay it as much as possible, because Raylan knows by now what he needs to say around good, Christian men like Art. And I'm almost certain he (and Boyd) had to learn that lesson the hard way.

Either way, you can't deny that Raylan is viscerally upset by what Art does, or how wildly out of character that is for him, and I just think that's Neat. (Sorry about all the trauma, Raylan.)

#absolutely no one:#me: SEASON ONE EPISODE ELEVEN OF JUSTIFIED THOUGH #HE WAS ABOUT TO COME ACROSS THAT FUCKING TABLE #ART BETTER WATCH IT #tw: homophobia #justifiedfx #raylan givens #boyd crowder #boyd x raylan #justified meta #tw: relgious trauma #internalized homophobia #we dug coal together #raylan/boyd #raylan x boyd

96 notes · View notes

br1ghtestlight · 7 months

Text

here's an unfinished fanfic i was writing about bob growing up in a homophobic culture as a bisexual boy. thought it was interesting enough to post but maybe not to ao3

Bob was five years old when he realized that there was something wrong with him.

He was playing on the playground and his father was babysitting him while his mother was in the hospital. He'd befriended another child who was playing, and they'd played together and created stories for what felt like hours. Bob liked playing with his new friend.

They were playing with another child that they'd met, and they all decided that they were going to pretend to be a family. Their biggest problem was that because there were three people playing, they would have to decide who was going to be the parents and who was going to be the baby. It was a difficult decision.

"I want to be the daddy," Bob told them.

He looked up to his own father, and he thought he was very strong and responsible and he took care of everything in the household. Bob wanted to be like him when he grew up.

"No, I wann' be the daddy!" Bob's friend argued.

Their new friend that they'd met at the playground had already decided that she wanted to be their baby, so she wasn't very worried about arguing that she wanted to be their mother. She had an idea that would make everybody happy.

"I have an idea! Why don't you both pretend to be my daddy? That way, I can be your baby girl," Bob's friend said proudly. Bob had never considered that somebody could have two father's before, but he couldn't think of a reason why that wouldn't be possible. It made sense to him.

Bob looked up at the playground. Despite the beautiful weather, it appeared that they were the only children playing outside that day, so they could pretend that the entire playground was their house and nobody would get angry at them for taking up too much space. "Okay, we can do that. We should pretend that the playground is our house, and it's a HUGE house 'cause we're super rich!"

"I want to race you to the slide," Bob's friend said. He laughed, and ran after him.

Later that day, Bob and his father were walking back to their house. Bob's father asked if Bob had fun playing with his new friends, and he said that he'd had so much fun. They'd spent hours playing together and running around on the playground.

"What was your favorite game that you played?" Bob's father asked him.

"That's easy. We pretended that we were a family living in a HUGE house, and we had a daughter."

"You pretended that you were husband and wife?" Bob's father asked with a playful smile.

Bob was happy that his father was enjoying their day together, because he felt like sometimes his father didn't like talking to him, and thought that he was annoying. That was why Bob spent more time with his mother, when she was feeling well enough to play with him. She never got annoyed at his games, or told him that she'd rather be working at Bob's father's restaurant. She laughed at all his jokes.

"No! My friend and I are both boys, and our daughter was our other friend. We were husband and husband," Bob corrected his father proudly.

He'd never heard of two men getting married before, so he was sure that he'd invented a new concept that was going to take the world by surprise. There were going to be so many happy couples! Bob was happy about this, because there was a boy in his kindergarten class that he thought was very cute, and he would love to get married to him someday.

Bob's father didn't seem happy about Bob's response. "Junior, haven't I told you already? Men can't be in relationships with other men. It isn't… It isn't natural."

"Why?" Bob asked.

He was at an age where his response to every answer to a question was another question, and it was definitely something that got on his father's nerves. He was just curious about the world, and how everything worked. He didn't mean to be annoying.

"It's a religious thing. I don't know. That's just how it is. I'm tellin' you this now, so that you don't get harassed by your classmates at school. They won't be as understanding as I am, if you start askin' other boys to be your boyfriend. I don't want to see you getting hurt, or pushed around. You're a scrawny kid, y'know?"

"I know," Bob said. They were walking along the sidewalk, and Bob kicked a leaf as they passed by it. He felt embarrassed. He hated when he said something without knowing that it was wrong, and that other people thought he was being stupid. His father was trying to help by informing him before his classmates did, but he still didn't like it.

"Thank you for telling me, Daddy."

"No problem, Junior. Now, whaddya say we get back to our house and start cooking dinner before your mother gets back? She's always hungry after coming back from the hospital, and she'll be too sick to cook. You know how she hates eatin' that hospital food. You can help me by getting all the vegetables that I'm going to need from the fridge."

"Okay, Daddy!"

Bob knew that he got crushes on all his kindergarten classmates, and he didn't care if they were a girl or a boy. He liked everybody!

After what his father told him, he knew that there was something wrong with him, and he needed to fix it. He was lucky that he hadn't told anybody in his kindergarten classroom about his crush on his classmate who was named Thomas, because he was another boy. Everybody would think he was weirder than they already did.

It wasn't his fault that he had a crush on Thomas, because he was just so adorable. He had curly hair and freckles, and he always shared his crayons with Bob when they were coloring pictures. He wore socks that didn't match, and when Bob pointed that out to him, he just laughed like he didn't care about that at all. Bob shared his snacks with him at lunch, and he always said that Bob's father was the most amazing cook in the world, and Bob agreed with that. He was perfect.

Bob was sure that if his father met Thomas, he would understand why he had a crush on him, and he wouldn't think that it was unnatural or weird.

Bob knew that it didn't matter if Thomas was the cutest boy in his kindergarten class, or if he always wore mismatched socks, or if he shared his crayons with Bob every single day. His father said that boys weren't supposed to be in relationships with other boys, and that meant that he wasn't supposed to get crushes on boys, either.

He didn't know what his father meant when he said that it was unnatural, but it couldn't have been good. Unnatural things were scary, like monsters hiding under his bed, or a scary virus that infected everybody and turned them into zombies. He didn't want to be unnatural.

He was lucky, because he got crushes on girls, too. He would stop having a crush on Thomas, and start having a crush on Amanda. All the boys in Bob's kindergarten class said she was the cutest girl in the world, and he had to agree with them. She was the best at drawing in their class, and she would share her juice with everybody because she didn't like it when her parents packed her juiceboxes for lunch. Amanda was amazing, and she never made fun of Bob or called him weird, or annoying.

Bob would stop getting crushes on boys, and he wouldn't have to worry about his classmates teasing him, or calling him mean nicknames. It was going to be easy.

Bob was eleven years old, and he had a crush on one of his classmates. His name was Anthony.

Anthony was very cool and popular, but he never bullied or made fun of people who weren't as popular as he was. He was confident, and athletic, and he was on their school soccer team. He was the fastest runner in their school, including eight graders, and everybody stopped what they were doing when he started running during recess because he was so impressive.

He was popular and made friends with everybody, including Bob. He always smiled at Bob when they were walking by each other in the hallways, and he was partners with Bob for their science project and he didn't complain even once about not being with his real friends.

He was also attractive, even if Bob felt creepy and invasive whenever he thought about that. He'd seen what Anthony looked like shirtless because their school had a field trip to the swimming pool, and even though it was months ago he would never forget what he looked like. He had dark skin and he would always come to school wearing different hairstyles that Bob thought were amazing. When he laughed he started snorting and it was hilarious. Bob was so happy to know Anthony even though he knew that he was way out of his league, regardless of if boys were allowed to date other boys. He was just so much cooler than Bob was.

Bob had realized a long time ago that he wasn't going to stop finding boys physically attractive or stop himself from getting crushes on them, but as long as he didn't talk to anybody about it or confess his feelings, it wouldn't be a problem. Nobody had to know about what he was feeling. They were private feelings, and even if they were unnatural or wrong, that didn't mean they were hurting anybody.

Bob sat behind Anthony in class, and he was staring at the back of his head as he worked on a math problem, and chewed on his pencil. He'd never been the smartest when it came to doing math, or school in general, and long division was far beyond anything that he was capable of. He rather spend their class period looking at the back of Anthony's head.

He was old enough to know about gay people, and he was also old enough to know that they were very bad and he didn't want to be one of them. He didn't have a problem with them, but everybody around him did and they said that gay people were dirty and that they had a disease that would kill them. They were unnatural, and they weren't supposed to be alive. Bob knew that if he was gay, his classmates would bully him until he graduated high school, or do something worse to him. His father wouldn't love him, and he would probably be alone and friendless for his whole life. He didn't want that.

Bob knew that he wasn't gay. He had crushes on boys, but he liked girls a lot more than them. He thought girls were so pretty, and he'd even had a girlfriend for a few weeks when he was in fourth grade. They held hands and she kissed him twice during recess, and he felt his heart jump into his throat. He got crushes on girls, and he definitely liked dating them, so that meant that he wasn't gay.

He probably didn't even have a crush on Anthony. He just thought that he was cool, and that he wanted to be friends with him. Sometimes he would think about what kissing him would feel like, but that didn't mean anything. Bob wasn't gay.

"Bob! Can I borrow a pencil from you?" Bob's classmate asked.

He grabbed a pencil from his pencil case, and turned to give it to them. He made sure to grab one that didn't have bite marks all over it, from when he chewed on them. His teachers always told him to stop doing that.

"Thank you! Also, why are you staring at Anthony like that? Does he have a booger on his face, or something?"

"What? No, I wasn't staring at Anthony! I don't know what you're talking about," Bob said defensively. He knew that this was not a normal reaction to being asked why he was staring at somebody, but he was surprised by the question. "He just sits in front of me, and I was staring, uh, at the chalkboard. That's normal."

Bob's classmate laughed. "Right, sure. What, do you have a crush on him, or something?

Bob started to turn bright red in embarrassment. He knew that his classmate was joking and that he didn't actually know that Bob had a crush on Anthony, but he felt exposed in a way he didn't like. He felt like he was suddenly naked, and everybody in the classroom was staring at him. It was like a bad dream.

"No! Why would I have a crush on Anthony? He's a boy and I'm not gay. Gay people are freaks."

"Okay, okay! I was joking. You don't need to get all defensive about it. You're obviously not gay," Bob's classmate said and he rolled his eyes in annoyance before going back to doing long division.

Despite feeling happy that his classmate hadn't figured out that he had a crush on Anthony, Bob got a disappointed feeling in his chest when he heard his classmate say that he was obviously not gay. It was true, Bob was not flamboyant or feminine or anything like the gay people that he heard about in movies or on television. He didn't act gay, and he didn't look gay. That was a good thing, because he didn't want to be gay. That would make his life worse. He WASN'T gay!

He didn't know why other people telling him that made him feel sad or disappointed, like something inside of him secretly wanted to be gay, or at least have it acknowledged that he COULD BE gay, if he wanted to be. Which he wasn't, because he liked girls, and that meant that he wasn't gay.

Right?

"Are you sure that your dad isn't going to come back?"

"Not for a few hours. He's gotta close up the restaurant, and that means we have the house all to ourselves," Bob said with a smile.

He was hanging out with his boyfriend, or not boyfriend, who was named Aaron. Their relationship status depended on what day it was. They had kissed before and Bob knew that Aaron wasn't straight, but they were friends before anything else. They were both huge nerds, and they loved watching movies together and goofing off after school. Sometimes they would sneak up into Bob's bedroom or in the janitor's closet at their high school and kiss, but that didn't happen very often.

It was by chance that they'd met and realized that they were open to experimenting with each other, when nobody else was around. Aaron had confessed while they were smoking a cigarette outside that he'd thought about what it would feel like to kiss a boy or what holding hands would feel like, and that he might not be straight, and Bob had confessed that he'd wondered about the same things before.

Aaron hadn't told anybody else, and he knew that his parents would disown him if they knew about this, so it was very important that nobody else found out about their experimenting.

Bob hadn't told anybody else about his sexuality either, but he wasn't even fully convinced that he wasn't straight, or that he couldn't lie and say that he was and decide to just date women. He knew that his father wasn't the most open-minded person, but he had friends who were gay, so hopefully he wouldn't kick Bob out of the house. Even if his father didn't love him anymore, and Bob was a total disappointment. He was in a safer situation than his friend.

They were sitting on the couch together and watching movies, and anybody who saw them would think that they were just friends hanging out together. They were watching a cheesy alien movie from the seventies, and laughing at all the terrible visual effects.

Bob got a weird feeling in his chest when he thought about kissing Aaron while they were watching this movie. He felt like it wasn't allowed, or that it was an important secret that nobody else could know about. Luckily, they were alone, and nobody could tell them what to do.

Bob coughed awkwardly. "I-Is it okay if I kiss you?"

"Dude, you don't need to be so fuckin' awkward about it. We've done this before," Aaron laughed. He ran a hand through his hair confidently, and Bob blushed.

Aaron kissed him, and he felt fireworks exploding inside his stomach. Bob loved women, and kissing them felt amazing, but there was something about kissing another man that felt exciting. It was forbidden, and wrong. He felt like he was doing something illegal, like buying from the drug dealers that hung around his school and harassed students, or crashing his father's car because he was racing his friend. Anything could happen, and it was terrifying.

Bob kissed him back, and he could feel Aaron's smile on his lips. Bob started laughing, and soon they both pulled back with huge smiles on their faces. They looked like total nerds.

"Do you want me to cook something for you? I've worked at my father's restaurant since I was a kid, so I think I'm a pretty good cook," Bob asked. "I'm getting hungry so I'm going to start cooking."

"Sure, that sounds like a good plan. What are you going to make?"

"I'm not—"

Just as Bob said this, he and Aaron heard Big Bob return from where he'd been working at his restaurant. He looked frustrated, and he was muttering to himself about something.

"Stupid walk-in freezer! What's the point of doin' all that work if it's going to—" Big Bob noticed Bob and Aaron staring at him, obviously terrified of what was about to happen. "Oh. Hello, Junior. Hello Junior's friend, or whatever you two are. You're home early."

"I'm Bob's friend. We were just watchin' movies! I should probably get going now, because my parents, uh, they'll get angry if I'm home late. Thanks for inviting me over, Bobby," Aaron said. He was obviously panicking as he put on his shoes, and ran out the door.

Bob knew that they'd discuss this during school tomorrow, but the most important thing right now was convincing his father that nothing romantic was happening between them. Aaron had been at their house a lot over the past few weeks, and he knew that his father was starting to suspect something. He didn't want his father telling Aaron's parents and getting him in trouble, or worse. Bob had no idea what his parents were capable of doing, and he didn't want to put Aaron in any danger.

After Aaron left their house, Big Bob's anger returned. This time, it was directed at Bob. "Junior! What have I told you about inviting people over to our house without my permission? What were you thinking? And don't get me started on what the neighbors think about your little boyfriend…"

"He's not my boyfriend, Pops! Aaron is my friend. We were just watching movies together, I promise," Bob said nervously.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Junior? I've seen you going up to your bedroom together, and you kissin' him. You haven't had a girlfriend since you were fifteen! What am I supposed to believe? He's here every other day."

"Why don't you ever believe me? I-I told you that I'm not gay, and Aaron isn't my BOYFRIEND!" Bob shouted.

He hated arguments, even though he got into them a lot with his father, especially since his mother died. He felt tears forming in his eyes, and he tried to blink them away. He needed to stand up to his father, even if it was so difficult. There was a part of him that still needed his father's approval, and for his father to say that he loved Bob, and that he would accept him no matter what. Bob's mother told him that his father would always love and support him, he just wasn't the best at expressing that. Bob hadn't believed that for years.

He felt a burning inside his chest, because he knew that he would always be a disappointment. His father would never accept him for who he was, and he would never be good enough for him. Years of Bob suppressing his emotions and trying not to think about that caught up to him, and that mixed with the desire to protect Aaron however he could. He didn't want this to happen.

#bob's burgers #fanfiction #bob belcher #bisexual #tw homophobia #Love bob love to study him as a character

10 notes · View notes

narcissusbrokenmirror · 9 months

Text

Alex Mercer + catholic trauma really does something for me, i like reading fanfics abt it cuz it feels like home. shout out to all the projecting Alex writers out there.But i think its funny how inaccurate it is. not in a bad way ofc. But i have thoughts about 90's gay teen Alex. I need to get them out. But i think its funny how inaccurate it is. not in a bad way ofc. But i have thoughts about 90's gay teen Alex. I need to get them out.

I mean its the 90's, religion is not the only thing making people homophobic there, besides toxic masculinity being pretty much a thing, there was also the post aids moment, so despite the 90's not being the most homophobic era ever, gay people were like, a presence, on the social groups, especially on the art/acting/music scene. so, for me, it makes sense when Kenny Ortega says Alex was a proud character of his identity as a gay young man.

doesn't add up to me tho, being gay + proud + christian + in the 90's. like, you dont grow up proud of being queer if u spend your life hearing negative rhetoric about it. so i, personally, don't think Alex's family was religious.

Alex's family doesn't look religious and Alex doesn't seem into it, as well. Alex being confident, proud, relaxed and sarcastic brings me to think that he came from a very liberal family that was also homophobic. picture this with me.

the grunge/rock scene is full of people trying to make into a club that only people who look a certain way can be there, they're full of toxic masculinity behavior there. Alex's not like it, he knows better that rock is much more about expressing yourself through music and feeling with others, rather than how you look, you knows its bullshit. and im only mentioning this bc Alex doesn't dress like alt ppl usually do, he's always in this relaxed outfit, the same black sweatpants and different soft colored shirts and jackets, he doesn't put an effort to how he looks, he just wants to be comfortable. and not caring how you look as long as ur comfortable? rock behavior ig

Alex being confident and proud tells us about the background he came from. If his family considered him trustworthy and let Alex make his own choices without interfering even if they don't like it, certainly he did NOT came from a religious household.

Alex is a drummer, that shit expensive for you to just have a whole kit hanging around, so his parents probably got it for him, they supported his band and let him have his friends around, they were warm and loving, helping into building Alex's sense of self worth, which is very nice.

so we don't have anything concrete abt Alex's past relationships, but i guess he first came out to his band and then his parents, Luke says Alex never had a boyfriend, but Alex being so certain that he was having a mutual connection with Willie would feel weird if it was the first time Alex flirted with a guy. nah. He probably did met other gay boys on clubs and concerts, flirted, made out once or twice, maybe even gone on dates, you know, teenager things.

the shit happened when he came out to his parents and they gave him the cold shoulder and silence treatment. because they had reasons to not want their son to be gay. Gay people were seen as dirty, sick, perverted, pedophiles, promiscuous and also a target for violence. As a parent, they wouldn't want his son that they loved and supported so much to be associated with such a marginalized group. But it's their son, after all, they couldn't throw him away. So they didn't locked Alex away from his friends, wasn't thrown out of his house, wasn't forced to get that "fixed up". Because Alex was their son, but they didn't want that part of him there, they didn't wanted to know about it.

Alex having his friends over would always click a question on his parents' mind for what if they aren't just friends, what can they be doing together when they're not looking (bc you know, gay people dont have feelings or connections, its all about the sex), what else could Alex's dad think when he sees Luke sneaking out of Alex's room wearing his shirt? and the problem is centered around it happening near to them, whatever Alex does outside their roof is his business, but his homosexuality is not welcome on the Mercer's house. Although, they didn't felt comfortable around Alex anyway, bc inside their heads, they knew that he couldn't keep his homosexuality off when they were together. they couldn't process that their son would be a homosexual, they couldn't love that, they could love their son, but not that.

Alex probably knew that, probably thought that it would eventually stop and they would be normal, warm and loving again, that they would support him again, probably because he didn't had his parents' love hold against some condition, as if he had to earn it. (As it is pretty common in religious households) It doesn't mean he wouldn't get hurt from it, he did and it was a lot, the lack of love, attention and support that he got from his came out, after a life of being given proper dosis of love and being allowed to be who he was. By the way Alex deals with changes, that shit was probably getting to his head.

Alex knew he deserved better than being treated like that, he knew he deserved his family to love him bc they always did and that they shouldn't define him by one element that would always be a part of him, he knew he deserved it to be a part of his life, deserved to bring a nice guy he met home to meet his parents instead of sneaking them in and out like he had to live it secretly. He didn't wanted that, it wasn't fair to him. He shouldn't have to feel ashamed enough to hide it from his dad bc his dad shouldn't want him to be ashamed of himself.

Alex was decided to stop caring about his parents thought of him, even if it meant them not being a part of his life, not that he wanted it this way, bc he didn't. But if they could change once, they could change again.

#julie and the phantoms #alex mercer #character analysis #its also my theory #i like to think that Alex didnt grow up repressed #kenny ortega wouldnt want to put religion on this spot anyway so thanks ig #im pretty sure luke is the one that came from a catholic houselhold tho

12 notes · View notes

bbbbbbrilliantly · 7 months

Note

How do you accept yourself as queer after growing up in a extremely religious household that you still have to live with?

I knew I was different for a while, like from childhood. I’ve always gone against the grain when it comes to my family. Like I would ruin so many gatherings because I would call family members out for homophobic comments or they’d get mad because I was advocating for LGBTQ.

I thought I was asexual for a while because I was never interested in boys or sexual intimacy and as a teenager I was praised for not being “boy crazy” by my ultra religious family. Whole time I just was not interested in anything with a penis.

I guess I’ve always sort of felt something when I would see women, especially queer women. It felt like I was seeing myself but not myself.

I won’t say I denied that I was gay but I definitely ignored it. I felt like I wasn’t brave enough to walk that path.

It took many years of becoming comfortable with myself and not just pretending like I was. Stepping away from the life my parents attempted to cultivate for me was the easy part but now I’m starting over in a new world. Idk how to really meet women, like I’ve still never even spoken to a woman romantically.

Tumblr has definitely helped me start to feel more comfortable and it’s a daily process.

I remind myself that I only have this one finite life and I have to do everything in my power to make MYSELF happy.

#letitia wright #letitia wright fanfiction #woo’s asks #london calling

7 notes · View notes

oceanic-sunsets · 2 years

Text

an analysis on Mike's feelings progression, and the Love Confession Epiphany trope

i've read many, many analyses about mike, his feelings [for will, and in general] and whether he's aware of them or not, and one very common, popular interpretation is that he's always had feelings for will, making byler fall into the "it's always been you" trope. and while i LOVE this interpretation, i want to offer my own perspective.

s1-s2 mike

i think at the beginning of the show, mike is truthful when he says they're all his best friends. they're all unique, and different from each other. mike has different dynamics with all of them, but they're all his best friends.

then, with will's disappearance and his later possession, mike realizes something: Will is special, and he IS different from the rest of his friends. we can see how he's aware of it by his shed monologue when he tells possessed will that asking to be his friend was the best thing he's done.

and, honestly? i STILL think that up to this point, all mike feels towards will is a VERY strong friendship, but, of course, people grow up and nothing ever stays the same.

s3 mike

oh, this is a complex one. we know mike spends most of his time with el, and we can interpret his behavior in a lot of different ways. there's ONE thing i know for sure: he's not doing it for "romance" or because he's so in love. We have to look at the events that took place in the previous seasons: in s1, el "died" saving everyone, and in s2 mike felt so, so guilty, so he spent so much time thinking about her and calling her. he wanted her to be safe, he began considering her one of his friends (a friend is someone you'd do anything for), and also, the fact that he was a 12 year old boy who just saw a girl sacrifice herself and vanish.

s3 mike, now going through puberty and entering his teenage years, is glued to el's side and he's doing it for two reasons:

he's scared to lose her again. as simple as that. she is his friend, who he thought he lost before, and he wants to make sure she is safe (sounds familiar?). one of mike's character traits is that he feels the need to protect other people, and this, of course, includes el.

it's what he's supposed to do: isn't it the natural progression of the story? el is the first girl mike has befriended. everyone around him started assuming he liked her simply because he was nice to her and cared. they started teasing him. and mike thought "yeah, it makes sense", because why wouldn't it?? it's what they see in the movies, tv, and comics all the time. However, i dont think by this point he's aware he's following societal's expectations. Mike genuinely enjoys spending time with el. they have fun together, find comfort in each other (mike gets a reminder that el is there, safe, not in danger anymore, and el has the company of one of the first people that showed her kindness and friendship) this is really undeniable. he doesn't particularly like kissing, but he doesn't dislike it either: he's a teenager, kissing is fun, makes you seem cool, and hey, if you run out of conversation topics you can just kiss and problem solved! i dont think he spends time with her out of pity, as a cover, or anything like that. he's just unaware he's hurting and sidelining his friends in the process, too. the context here matters, of course, because this isnt the modern world. this is the 80's, a time where being gay in a smalltown could be extremely dangerous, and the media spread misinformation about the aid's epidemic. so i dont think mike is aware of anything, but i can see this easily being one of his fears*: he and his friends (specially will) have been bullied by homophobic kids, the people in household doesnt seem particularly accepting, and it's a common experience for lgbt+ kids to feel this feeling of guilt, wrongness, not 'normal' from a young age and not understanding why.

...but then, of course, stuff happened, and said stuff involved one of the most important (see: s1-s2 mike) people in his life: will.

Will, hurt because it seems like his friends don't want to spend time together like they used to, tells mike he's ruining the party. so mike projects his fears* onto will:

and mike immediately regrets it, realizing he's wrong. he gets, again, this feeling of guilt he's felt before, but a thousand times worse because it's his best friend he's talking to. and it's unfair, that's why he rushes to try to fix things.

next thing we know, mike is telling the entire room he loves el and that he can't lose her again. Sounds familiar? yeah, we went through this before, which is why i dont think it was a lie: of course he loves el and doesnt want to lose her. she's his friend and he has lost her before. this interaction here is what leads me to believe mike is STILL unaware, still fully believing that what he feels for el is romantic love..

up until the famous s3 finale, at least.

this, this is when confusion starts to kick in. when he starts questioning things. El, his girlfriend, just told him she loved him and kissed him. But he's confused, as we can confirm by the script. because isn't he supposed to feel.... happier? more excited?? by his girlfriend telling him i love you? is this really how being in love feels?

and this right here is where the path towards his character grow REALLY begins. mike is sad, and confused because nothing is turning out how it's supposed to. his best friend, who he spent so little time with thanks to his desire to grow up and trying to be who he was supposed to, is moving away. his girlfriend, who just told him 'i love you' (and isn't he supposed to be happier?) is moving away too, and he has no opportunity to try to discover what all of this means because they're moving away.

so he enters this phase of repression, bottling up his feelings and isolation. and mike ends s3 AWARE that things arent as it seem, that there's something that hasn't clicked yet, because despite his awareness, he doesnt understand why. after all, he did everything he was supposed to, didnt he??

enter: mike and s4. by this point, i'm convinced mike is starting to realize a couple of things: he can't say i love you to el, and will DEFINITELY falls into a different category than the rest of his friends. his absence wights on him more than ever: hawkins isn't the same without will.

he's also hyper-aware of this difference and doesnt even want to THINK about it, so he falls into his perfect boyfriend persona again (failing). This is what gives us the awkward airport hug and the rink-o-mania fight: mike is trying really hard to ignore his feelings, but by ignoring them, they start becoming more and more obvious.

he tried to reach out to will but it didnt work. will didnt reach out. He's hurt, because will, who is special to him is apparently ignoring him, and suddenly will is in front of him asking "what about us?" and mike panics, because that is too close to his fears* and the list of things he doesn't understand and are better left alone, untouched.

and this is also one of the reasons he feels so self-deprecating and insecure: despite trying so hard, he can't be the person who he wished he was: a better, more loving boyfriend who can say i love you and truly mean it. a better friend, who doesn't get confusing feelings and cares maybe a bit too much, someone who doesn't overcompensate and ends up coming across as emotionally detached.

but hey, apparently there's a light at the end of the tunnel, because suddenly will is delivering his endearing, loving speech about all these feelings El has for him and it's exactly what he needed to hear, and for the first time in a long time, he feels loved, special, wanted.

and isnt it amazing?? he's finally hit by such intense emotions: this is how you're supposed to feel about your girlfriend!

but, hey, wait a second. why is el ignoring him after his big love confession? why does it not feel right, despite how he felt back in the van?

these are thoughts he can revisit later, tho, as there are more important matters at hand: the end of the world is about to begin.

so mike ends s4: A) aware he cares too much about will, thinking that maybe more than will cares about him (because he didnt reach out), so he should pretend he cares less...? but wait, no, he still wants his best friend back, despite everything. B) even more confused. why did he felt so loved by el back in the van? but why is she ignoring him now? shouldn't his speech bring them closer??

i believe mike has all the puzzle pieces right in front of him, he just hasnt put them together yet. But. But. That's why Will's lie, his painting, exists. It's the key, it's finding out the truth about the painting what mike needs to understand himself and what those around him have been feeling.

when mike started developing feelings for will is up to interpretation. Personally, i believe there were hints that there might be something else by the end of s3, but they didn't fully develop until s4, because a glimpse of a feeling is easier to ignore when the person involved is across the country. And despite projecting his fears* onto will in s3, it's only in s4 that he starts acting different towards Will, behaving awkwardly. it's s4 when he feels undeniably loved by someone. it's s4 when he admits Will is different from the rest of his friends, to the point of not considering Hawkins home because Will is not there. It's s4 when we REALLY start seeing their friendship change into a more intimate, yet tense dynamic.

So, yeah, Will has always been it for Mike, but his feelings weren't always romantic, and that's the beautiful thing about it. We watched him develop feelings for will on screen. we watched their friendship change, evolve, and slowly grow into something else.

One of the reasons why i think mike is not fully aware yet, despite NOW HAVING romantic feelings for will, is the simple fact that he has NEVER considered it. Finn wolfhard himself said mike is clueless. he's unaware. He doesn't even see it as an option, but once he learns the truth, it'll become one.

This is where the Love Revelation Epiphany trope comes in:

The Truth about the painting is Mike's Love Revelation Epiphany. He already had feelings for will, he has had them for a while, but for Mike, it was something confusing, something he couldn't understand. It's only the truth about the painting and the meaning behind it that makes him realize them. It'll be his clarity, the moment where it starts making sense.

When, where, and how is something i don't know and i wont try to predict. But Will's painting isnt only about him. It doesn't only portray his truth, it's also a representation of Mike's truth, the culmination of his character arc, the progression of his feelings throughout the show, and the key piece we need to understand both of them and their actions.

#mike wheeler #will byers #byler #stranger things #analysis #mike wheeler analysis #st analysis #i cant believe i wrote a 2k mike wheeler character analysis #i was such a mike anti back when s3 aired #look at me now #if you read ALL of this: ily and im so sorry i hope it made sense #let me know what you think please #and i'd appreciate reblogs A LOT #i spent an embarrassing amount of time on this

41 notes · View notes