#it's me ya boi procrastination
girlie stop scrolling through tumblr you are one second away from crumbling under academic pressure
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WKX’s gaydar “you forgot to cut your sleeve, lemme help you with that” outing men left and right unbeknownst to them
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Tbh you seem like the coolest chick ever. But the best kind of cool chick who like, secretly you can squeal in the corner with about a boy without changing facial expressions which is basically what I do to you by flooding your ask box with ridiculous rantings about Van McCann
akskdjhfvsjsj anon i love this!! yes i will happily squeal about b*ys in the corner with you any day with the blankest face imaginable because their goddamn ego's don't require any more inflation
anonymously tell me what kind of vibe/energy you get from me
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I have reached a whole new level of executive dysfunction: Procrastinating a mental breakdown cause there’s too many things to have a mental breakdown over
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Assignment: paraphrase this long and “complex” poetry, keeping it in english.
Assignment: but do that in maximum 150 words.
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tfw you finish reading an angsty 10k fic at 1:30am and you’re left hanging but you get a notification that the author actually just posted a second chapter and it’s another 10 fucking thousand words 😳😳🥴🥴🥺🥺🥺🥵🥵🥵🙌🙌🙌🙌
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dante, running into anyone supernatural: you causing problems ?? killing a whole city of people ?? no ?? sweet you can keep doing what you’re doing u funky being. also, hey, jus’ wondering . . do you have food ??
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Requests: Open! Yay~
In addition, I’m adding
X1 (CAUSE PRODUCE IS DONEEEE)
As groups I’ll write for!
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( pltbhplbhbh )
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Did you know that some turtles can breathe through their assholes?
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it’s that time of year again where i put this blog on a semi-hiatus! this will last until 2019.
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I gotta do homework but SCREW SCHOOL! I need some mcyts (preferably dream, ranboo, and Philza) comforting teen reader when school gets though and helping them with homework because school is really shitty for me rn. Thanks Deacy! Love ya! -🧋
mcyt’s helps reader with school!
“i know it’s tough, but your tougher, yunno.”
OOH YES, and do your work! it’s important…but also is procrastination. :’]
hope school is going well, take breaks and drink lots of water!! love yah, boba anon!! <3
also i want to apologize for taking so long, Tumblr deleted most of this draft so i had to rewrite some of it…and that my stuff wouldn’t post for a while.🙄
Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo.
tbh, my mans couldn’t even stay in class so, if you’re lucky, he’ll know a little bit about math.
he literally knows nothing about math btw.
but if you ask him for help, he is helping you and he WILL help you.
he’s not backing down .. if he doesn’t get it? he’ll learn it.
sometimes always takes over.
“shh, y/n .. wait- are you supposed to do that? I didn’t learn this!! what the hell are they teaching you-!?”
and one night, when you asked for help .. you found him at the table, the only light being the one from his phone/calculator deciphering fractions. he’s really really trying to get it right.
but if you’re really stressed about it, to the point of tears or degrading yourself..he immediately calms down and all his focus is on you.
“Hey, it’s okay..i know it’s tough, but you’re tougher, yunno. i know what it’s like feeling this stressed, but i know you’ll get through it,” Dream smiles. “You’re strong.”
And after calming you down and getting you water and such..he’ll try his best and slowly, but surely, make sure you understand and help you through your homework.
he’ll even take his old history books or science books from when he was in school and study from there while helping you.
but he really sucks at history so i apologize on that part..
eventually, when the night comes to an end .. he’ll say how proud he is when it comes to homework, and that he didn’t do so well when he was in school…and that you’re automatically cooler than him.
he’s basically like a big brother. <3
honestly? has no clue how to help with your homework, but he sure as hell knows his history and science.
knows absolutely nothing on english..mans can’t even speak right. 🤨
“Uhm..english? I dunno, Y/n- *chuckle* i don’t know much on that..uh,” George rubs his neck nervously, glancing at your paper. His face goes pale white. “Oh, this is..i can’t do that.”
feels bad and ends up trying to help you.
“Wait what? How is that wrong? … because i didn’t put the ‘er’ in you’re? Whatever..”
he feels embarrassed cause he couldn’t exactly help with english..and he is really bad at it too.
You end up saying that it’s fine and that he could go to bed .. but really? he stays with you all night long if need be.
george isn’t a very- expressionate boy..but his actions outshine his words..and he genuinely wants to help you.
so when you said that you were incredibly stressed and the work was becoming too much..he was immediately understanding.
he did most anything he could to make sure that you got your work done, and that you felt confident in it.
“Hey, it’s okay! I was never that good in school..but you’re a very, very smart person, Y/n. Incredibly,” he gave a quick smile. “C’mon, good put that good brain to work.” George joked as he patted your back supportively.
While you read off the questions and equations, george is making you a little snack with water and fruits.
“X is equal to the..what? Wait, are you sure this is (grade)? I don’t remember it being this difficult.”
You: “maybe cause you dropped out to be a streamer.”
“..I will leave. No joke, you’ll be on your own, Y/n-”
George wasn’t very happy with your comeback there.
Reluctantly, you guys are were close to a finish..the evening was coming to an end while night kissed the sky..illuminated by the 1:32 AM on the stove clock.
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, head leaning back before looking over at you.
“We done? That was it right?”
You nodded and thanked him for his help..he gave a smile and ruffled up your hair.
“No problem, Y/n. Get some sleep, it’s insanely late.”
You: “not that late..considering you’re always on call with Dream at this time.”
“If you mention that one more time, i will actually move out. Don’t go thinking I’m joking!"
you started laughing and George reluctantly chuckled, rolling his eyes before stirring back to bed.
"Go to bed! It's late! Night, Y/n, sleep- ... sleep well." He said, yawning mid sentence..disappearing into his room.
"Good night, sleep of sweet, sweet dreams."
George was very mad. (you ended up having a pillow fight ... soo-)
why did you ask him? I mean, respectfully, you'd be lucky if he was ever really listening.
"What? Math? ..science too?? Y/n, we're in the same class ... what DO YOU MEAN THAT'S ALL MORE THE REASON I SHOULD KNOW-"
Tommy is actually a very, very smart boy..and even though he denies it constantly and puts up his internet persona, he's very helpful and kind.
"Uh huh. Good, good! Now bring the x 'round here- yeah! See? You got it!"
He's definitely hypes you up and let's you know how good you're doing ... and Tommy will also stop his work in turn of helping you.
Tommy didn't do his homework..motherinnit was upset.
Tommy is good at most anything. Whether it's math, science, or english .. he's got it all down! The only thing he's bad at is teaching or showing you how it should be done.
"Uhm..so I did this and like- brought that there and got..and then I got 32 so- ..Y/N, SHUSH. I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS, DICKHEAD."
he apologized for swearing. and motherinnit heard him so he was sorta forced to…but he genuinely meant it.
“Listen, I’m sorry- I know how to do this, though!! …MUM, I ALREADy did-- ..ok, alright- OK, i’ll stop yelling..!”
Tommy also gets very, very distracted..to the point where it's bad.
"And that's called the uh- the..yeah, that ......... so i was on a call with tubbo one night and he said that- what? No, not that night .. YOOO, WHEN DID YOU GET A SOMBRERO, Y/N???"
you did not have a sombrero…he mistook it for your clothes. apparently.
He's so off-topic constantly, it definitely took more than just a second to check your paper.
you hadn’t said a thing about being particularly stressed..but he felt it. and although he didn’t directly say anything, he did it through actions to make you feel more confident.
he complimented your work and that you were sure to get your work done efficiently until the sunrise hit your window.
he also mentions that you have nothing to worry about…and that Tommy will always be there, always. ^^
also y'all were up since 8 going on to 2:45 AM .. but y’all never sleep anyway so 🤨
but it was safe to say you guys fell asleep in the middle of an equation.
straight A/B student, gets his shit done, and efficiently too.
he’s very very smart and Tubbo is always happy to help! :D
sometimes he teases and says he might help you. 🙄
so when you ask him, he is always willing to help..but no answers. sorry bud.
“Question 23? ..so what happens if you take- hm? …NO, I CAN’T TELL YOU THE ANSWERS, Y/N … I CAN’TT-”
at least you tried.
“Y/N, STOP, GIVE BACK MY NOTEBOOK. DON’T LOOK AT THE ANSWERS-”
but tubbo understands when you say you were very very stressed about school..he is too.
“Don’t worry! We all get super stressed about this stuff, I suck at English but the more I work at it, it becomes easier, yunno!” Tubbo reasoned, smiling at you. “You’re like..one of the smartest people ever, whether you refuse to accept that or not, you’re big brain, Y/N.” Tubbo said, and he meant every word.
He was happy he had brought your confidence up, and he was proud of you too! Even though Tubbo is smart, he understands what it feels like to be under any kind of pressure.
you guys even built a little fort with chips and such to study under.
and when you finished your work, you two laid down and watched a movie, popcorn in hand and work complete.
Tubbo was happy he had helped. :]
When in doubt, look for tall man for help.
Ranboo had just graduated, so it was all kind of fresh in his mind.
and honestly was just your luck.
Ranboo was pretty smart when it came to english and so on..don’t mention the part where he forgot most of it..but math was- oh god.
“Math homework? ..uh- hold on,” … “TUBBO! Y/N NEEDS HELP WITH MATH-”
Genuinely though, he was good at math..but he was one of those people who scrolled through the textbook to find some close understanding to what you were learning.
It was like he was in school again.
“X is equal to..oh okay..oh okay! Wait, ok, i get it!” you told him he didn’t need to speak whatever came to mind .. he continued to talk.
When you told him you were originally stressed and felt like you were under pressure, he immediately understood and pushed your work aside for just a moment.
A one on one convo.
“Y/N, that’s totally understandable. It’s okay to feel this stressed,” Ranboo rubbed your back to soothe you and keep you from tearing up. “I was super stressed in school too-”
“I WAS STRESSED TOO!”
“And so was Tubbo- ..apparently-” You guys had a small chuckle. “But hey, it’s alright..it always is, and you’re super smart too..so there’s no doubt you’ll get through this.” He assured you with a quick smile and hug.
He always gives the best hugs. 🥺
You guys soon got back to work, Ranboo beside you and helping with every step.
he was also super proud when you did a few questions by yourself, he even gave you his spare candy from Amazon.
such a nice lad.
Soon the night came to an end and you had thanked him for helping you.
“Of course, anytime, Y/N,” he smiled and stood, stretching since he had sat down all evening long. “Wanna play some games?” Ranboo asked, you nodded.
It was nice, because it took your mind off of the stress you held for school..he was really good at taking your mind off of things.
Ranboo was your best friend. :]
dadza smart, we go to dadza for help cause he smaert.
“Homework? Yeah, sure, bring it over, mate.”
Honestly? You guys got it done super fast..who knew Philza was such a good teacher.
Sometimes he would just give you the answer and tell you how it’s done afterward .. that’s only because you seemed to be getting tired.
“You alright?” Phil gently put his hand to your forehead to check for a fever. “You’ve been sleepier recently, something wrong?” He asked, voice soft and accent thick.
You mentioned that you haven’t been sleeping due to stress and spending most of your time completing homework.
Phil sighed. “Was that why you always came to dinner pretty late?” You nod. “Stressing about what, mate?” The blonde put the work away for a moment, facing you with curiosity.
You had explained how you felt, whether it was that you didn’t feel smart, couldn’t finish in time, the pressure of projects and presentations..it all seemed to spill out once you started talking more and more to Phil.
He hummed and rubbed your back, his arm moving up to your shoulder as he gave you a small side hug.
“It’s alright, it’s gonna be okay..you know why?” Phil asked, making sure you looked at him in the eyes. “Because you’re good enough and super smart..don’t go forgetting that, okay? School will always be stressful, but when you find a way to cope with it, it’ll be a piece of cake, yeah?” You nodded, rubbing your eyes to refrain from crying or tearing up.
Phil patted your shoulder gently before grabbing the homework again. “You got this,” he encouraged. “Wanna try again?”
You guys started working again and finished it, all caught up with work and upcoming projects.
You thanked him.
“No problem, Y/N,” He gave a smile. “Anytime.” He chuckled as he patted your back.
Thanks, Phil. :]
Really really enjoyed writing this one!! It was such a good one, hope school and all is going well boba anon .. wish the best for you. :D <3
- deacy! <3
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enhypen pranking you
warnings; some cursing??
note; help i feel like this took forever to write 😭 and i literally have no excuses other than procrastination and the fact that i couldn’t think of pranks for like half the boys. hopefully my next post won’t take as long...
unedited so apologies for any mistakes/typos!!
희승 | heeseung;
okay i feel like heeseung would be the guy to go on reddit and be like “how can i prank my s/o without making them cry or get angry”
will absolutely research until he finds the perfect prank
he decides on the one where you wipe off your s/o’s kisses bc like
that’s a relatively harmless prank right??
if only he knew
so later that day when you two meet up you give him a kiss on the cheek like always
and he just . wipes it off
you can tell he’s kinda trying to be discreet about it
and at first you’re kinda confused by it
but then figured maybe you accidentally put too much chapstick on and left some on his cheek
bc you know. that can happen
but then throughout the day he just?? keeps wiping them off???
eventually you can’t take it anymore
“alright lee heeseung what the fuck is your problem”
immediately he knows he’s screwed up
like you used his government name and everything
“i might’ve been.....idk.....pranking you. or something.”
never tries anything like that again
who knew you could be so scary?
제이 | jay;
okay it took me like 8 years to think of a prank jay would do
but i feel like he might try the “pretending to talk bad about my s/o in another language” thing
like one day when you and him were just having a casual little date
he gets a ‘phone call’
and he’s just like “hey babe do u mind if i take this? sunghoon said he needed to talk about smth”
“ofc baby go ahead 🤗”
and so it begins
the first time you didn’t even realize he said your name
so the next time he like . overemphasized it
and yeah it got your attention it also made you suspicious as hell
his first mistake
you looked at him questioningly thinking that maaaaybe you were being dramatic and he was just trying to get ur attention
but he just ignored you and kept talking
and you kept hearing your name Very clearly
and you can see jay discreetly glancing at you to see your reaction
which just confirms that it’s a prank
and you’re pretty sure you know which one he was trying to do
so after like ten minutes with absolute no reaction from you
jay finally hangs up
and you’re just like “did u have fun pretending to trash-talk about me to sunghoon?”
he just freezes for a second
bc damn he did not expect you to figure it out that quick
but then he just wraps his arm around ur shoulders and grins
“typical y/n. sucking the fun out of everything.”
you’re about to protest
but then he gives you a very sweet kiss
so all is forgiven ❤️
제이크 | jake;
i’m sure we’ve all seen those videos of someone calling their significant other by their name instead of a pet-name or smth
so naturally jake decided to try it on you
bc. ya know.
he only ever calls you cutsey nicknames and shit
his friends like to tease him abt forgetting your name because like. literally he never calls you by it.
but it’s okay because you never call him by his either
one day when you two were just chilling at your place watching movies and stuff
and you were in the kitchen making some popcorn
so he just goes for it
“hey Y/N can you bring me some water?”
he has to stop himself from losing it at the way you just freeze
“i didn’t know we were back on that level, JAEYUN.”
is literally the 😦 emoji
was not expecting the uno reverse card
makes up for it as soon as you sit back down
kisses all over your face and calls you the most ridiculous names.
“i’m sorry my lovely sugarbear, sweetie-pie, pumpkin, baby boo.”
he’s just lucky you didn’t bring him a glass of ice and tell him to wait <3
성훈 | sunghoon;
recently, you got a box from ur mom that was full of all your favorite snacks that you couldn’t get in korea
and you were like . so excited
which is why sunghoon, your lovely but slightly evil boyfriend
decided to play a prank on you
you had been gushing to him about how excited you were to have some of them when you got home from work/classes
and so he decided to hide them
later when you went to get them you almost had a heart attack when you couldn’t find them
“hey babe have seen those snacks my mom sent?”
“oh you mean those odd looking ones? yeah the guys came over earlier and we kinda finished them off. sorry hon.”
sunghoon was absolutely ready for you to get mad
he was prepared for shouting and maybe even having a pillow thrown his way
what he was not prepared for was your face falling and tears to start welling up in your eyes
but you had already started crying
which might seem like an overreaction but like
you’d had a really shitty day
and looking forward to those snacks and cuddling with your boyfriend was the only thing keeping you going
and you just couldn’t help it :(
“y/n, baby i’m sorry please stop crying.”
runs as fast as he can to where he hid them and brings them back to you
“look, see? i was just pranking you.”
promises that he won’t ever do something like that again
bc he hates seeing you cry :/
선우 | sunoo;
it took me so long to think of a prank sunoo would do 😭
but after some careful consideration
i think he would do smth like give you really salty cookies just to see how you react
like are you gonna tell him they’re awful in a nice way or will you just tell him straight up that they taste like crap??
is so obvious about it tho
“hey y/n wanna try these cookies i made with love just for you~?”
watches your reaction very closely when you take the first bite
he can tell that you’re trying so hard not to make a face
“wow, babe. these are uh, really good. thank you so much!”
are you.....trying to spare his feelings???
“are you sure? they’re not too salty or anything?”
“nope! i love them!”
did you just take another bite???
this time you can’t hide the grimace quite as well tho 😭
at his blank look you try to take another bite
but he stops you before you can poison yourself anymore
“babe you weren’t supposed to pretend to like them i know they’re awful 🤦♂️”
is very touched that you would eat a cookie that is like half salt just for him <3
정원 | jungwon;
okay don’t @ me but i feel like jungwon would just like . try to ignore you
like he saw someone on youtube doing it and their s/o was being super affectionate and cute trying to get their attention
and he’s just like.....😏 hmm.....
so he tries it out the next time you come over to his place
and you’re just . so confused??
bc aside from him opening the door to let you in
your usually sweet and cuddly boyfriend is acting like you’re not even here??
you start trying to get his attention with snuggles and cheek kisses and bringing him something to eat/drink
but the boy won’t budge
and now you’re paranoid
did you do something wrong??
is he really upset????
finally you can’t take it
and you come up to him a little watery eyed
“i don’t know what i did, but i’m sorry. i’ll try not to do it again.”
literally breaks his heart in two 💔
immediately apologizes and tells you that it’s a prank
and then cuddles you the rest of the night without letting go <3
니키 | niki;
one day while watching random youtube videos
niki got the stupid brilliant idea to pretend that he was gonna break up with you
of course he had to wait for the right timing and whatnot
and that seemed to be just a few days later
the two of you planned to play video games and watch some movies
and that seemed like the perfect time to do it
so a few minutes after he got to your place
and you two had just sat down on the sofa
he turned to you all serious and said
“y/n. i hate to do it like this, but i can’t keep it in any longer. i think we should break up.”
“oh thank God.”
why did you sound.....relieved???
“yeah i was actually planning on breaking up with you, but you beat me to it! nice one, bro.”
“y/n this isn’t funny.”
“oh but it would’ve been funny if you did it to me?”
yeah turns out jake found out about his little prank and tipped you off
omg but once niki realizes that you’re not actually dumping him he just kinda.....crushes you into a hug
“i’m so sorry you’re right it isn’t funny please don’t leave me.”
the rest of the day is spent much more calmly after you two vow to only play harmless pranks on each other.
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The worst thing is when you actually look pretty darn cute for once but you can’t go out because you have to study lololol
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happy 5th anniversary to parapines!!! 5 entire years….of these nerds….wow….
@fozzie thanks for our boys
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on the house
tom holland x bartender!reader
summary: after a hard day, tom goes to a small countryside pub to relieve some stress.
word count: 4,726
warnings: fluff-ish. cursing. creepy men. mention of alcoholism. bad writing. awkwardness. softish & rough smut. oral. protected sex. dirty talk. lots of tom moaning. slight aftercare.
a/n: so i wrote this.. i’m trying to procrastinate and by the word count you can see i succeeded. um lets not talk about it. this is kinda a mess? half-ass edited. but enjoy xo. im actually sorry for publishing this.
“Alright boys, last orders.”
A commotion of “awh cmon” and “whaayy” filled the room protesting your announcement. You rolled your eyes as you started getting orders and pulling pints of lager for the group of men who had been in the pub since the early evening. They had spent their time playing darts and watching football. Proper lad behaviour.
It was past midnight, you wanted to be gone out of the pub and into bed before sunrise. You had gotten a job in one of the small pubs in your town, just wanting a bit of extra money. It was a normal job. Nothing much happened, a few brawls here and there, old men grossly flirting with you and constant banter with customers.
You asked a few of the regulars that sat along the bar if they wanted another, however they were too busy talking about the town's gossip. They involved you in their conversation, trying to get a glimpse into your life. You weren’t so foolish. “Aw darling, we just want to know about if Daley’s boy finally got the balls to talk to ya’. His father tells us that he likes you. I mean, I can see the appeal.”
“I'd tell ya, if you were me mother, I’d never leave home.” Another voiced. They all laughed causing you to scoff at the dirty remark.
Your eyes snapped towards the culprit. “You can’t even get with a woman your own age, nevermind a woman fifty years younger. Piss off will ya.”
Being a bartender at a small pub meant that this was what you had to put up with. Lonely creepy men, whose only contact with a woman was the local bartender. It was quite sad and you admit, you felt for them. You watched the same people come in and out, drinking to ease them through their repetitive days. Alcohol soothing their pain. Most of them suffered major tragedies in their lifetime. The worst problem being their stories spreading like a wildfire around town, with some truth but very much exaggerated. Their pain becoming just another’s entertainment.
People in small towns always were infatuated with others personal lives. Wanting to know who is with who, who went to church last Sunday, what a person bought in the shop. I mean everything. There were no boundaries.
Although this had its disadvantages, it had some benefits. One of them being connections, and another being able to recognize a new face. It came in handy from time to time to know when someone’s out of place especially in your job. New people always made your job easier. This man who sat alone at the end of the bar stood out like a sore thumb. It was obvious he didn’t live here.
For starter, you know everyone who lives in the town by their first name. And secondly, you wouldn’t have forgotten a face like his.
He wore a paddy cap, some curls peeking from under. A green sweater clung tightly around shoulders stretching the material accentuating his physique. His lips pursed together as he stared at his drink with a clenched jaw. His hand clutched the drink, maybe a bit too hard. His mind was obviously focused on something else.
He was quiet for the few hours he was here. Didn’t talk much just to order another pint of Heineken. You didn’t want to protrude the distressed man so you left him alone. It helped to have conversations, often made the night go by faster.
“Do you want another? I’m gonna start the clean up”
His head shot up making eye contact with you for the first time tonight. His eyes looked slightly bloodshot. He looked stressed. “I’m okay.” He simply stated.
You walked over to the tap, quickly pulling him another. You slammed it in front of him, removing him from his thoughts. “On the house.” You gently smiled before walking out from the bar to collect some glasses that were left on tables.
You felt a burning sensation on you as you did the quick cleanup. You knew someone was watching. However, scared to turn around to confront as you didn’t know if it was the handsome stranger or just an old creep.
Once the lounge was clean and glasses in the dishwasher, you suddenly decided to make a coffee using the machine that just happened to be at the end of the bar where the man sat. As you pressed your coffee grounds, his voice rang into your ears.
“You pull a nice pint.”
A simple compliment. That’s all it was. Yet the heat that rose to your cheeks was embarrassing. Thankfully you weren’t facing him.
“Thanks, stranger. Big cities don’t know how to make the perfect pint I’m assuming.” You teased as you allowed your coffee to pour.
“How did you know I’m from the city?” His question caused you to let out a quiet laugh.
“Well sir, I’m basically a psychologist. Bartenders are the poor man's therapist.” You poured the cold milk into your coffee before facing him. He was sat back in his seat compared to his hunched posture mere minutes ago. “So a city boy comes to a small countryside pub for what? That is the question.”
“You are the psychologist, you tell me.” He smirked bringing his pint to his mouth to take a sip. A small mark was left on the top of his lips from the foam but quickly cleaned as his tongue swiped it away. The action making your knees feel a little weak. A slight smirk remained on his face. ‘Little fucker’ you thought. You placed your elbows on the bar in front of him, leaning against it.
“Game on. Well, you are nicely dressed, so coming back from a visit? An event? Maybe the city is stressing you out. The Rolex on your wrist says ‘I’m rich’. You are too young for a good-paying job in a business. Daddy’s money maybe? But the face is telling me entertainment. You are giving off pretty boy vibes. Singer? Actor?”
A smile spread across his face. You knew by his reaction you hit the nail on the head. He was a bad actor if he was one. You decided to tease him.
“Although I could be completely wrong. Maybe you are into older men. If that’s your preference, I totally know a few that would be perfect for you.”
His eyes rolled as he took another sip. “You were doing so well until that. If you must know, my preference happens to be bartenders. Ones who specifically call me pretty boy.”
“I didn’t call you a pretty boy. Just- you give me those vibes.” You protested.
“Too bad. I guess you aren’t my preference anymore.”
That statement caused a wave of butterflies to erupt. You went to drink some of your coffee to try and regain composure. Silence filled the next few moments as you both sipped at your beverages.
“Um- I’m filming about fifteen minutes from here. Just had a bad day. This was the first pub that google recommended nearby.” He confessed.
“Oh, what are you f-” “Y/N, were heading off. See you tomorrow.” A regular John shouted as he grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and walked out.
It was then you realized it was only you and this stranger left in the pub. When did that time pass?
“Shit.” You mumbled as you went collected the remaining glasses.
“You need help?” he offered as he stood up from his chair. “You’re fine. Am you can leave when you're ready. Plus those hands haven’t seen a day of hard work in their lifetime.” You joked staring at his clean, manicured hands.
“Tell me where the sweeping brush is.” “Honestly, you are f-” “Tell me Y/N” He persisted as he rolled the sleeves of his jumper up his arms. Showcasing his veins.
You pointed to the cabinet in the corner of the lounge. You bit your lip as you watched his body walk towards the equipment. His body was slightly top-heavy, broad shoulders and smaller hips. His pants were quite tight around his thighs. You snapped your eyes from his body. ‘Get a grip Y/N’
As he started to do a quick sweep you realized you never got his name. “Hey, how come you get to know my name and I don’t get to know yours?”
“I’m Tom. Basic, I know.”
You smiled at the slight self-deprecation. You two quickly got to work, tidying tables and stocking up drinks. He kindly put away glasses as you cashed up.
“Well, I guess I was wrong. Your hands are useful for something.”
“They are useful for a lot of things.” He mumbled. Your thighs twitched at the implication. You cleared your throat grabbing your coat.
“Thanks Tom. Honestly, it was really nice of you.” You admitted. “I suppose we should go.”
“Yeah. I-um, I will order a taxi.” Tom said grabbing his coat. “No need, I’ll drive you home. Least I can do.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his neck as he straightened his jacket. He made direct eye contact with you, before taking a quick glance of your body. In the moment, you felt vulnerable and exposed as if you were prey being hunted. You grabbed the keys from behind the counter. “Let’s go.”
Tom followed you out. Staying close as you locked up. “Now, I’m not a movie star. I hope my 2010 Volkswagen is good enough for you.” You laughed pointing at your car.
“That thing?! I- I can’t be seen in a peasants car.” Tom dramatically covered his eyes as he walked towards the passenger side of the vehicle. “Now that I think about it, I don’t think there is enough room in the car for your ego.” You sassed before opening the drivers' door. Tom just laughed at your witty remark.
You immediately turned on the radio, hoping to avoid any more playful comments or conversation. Simply because you felt as if you were going to melt if this boy kept playing with your emotions. The drive was quiet. The radio and Toms directions were the only thing heard and said. You couldn’t focus on either as your heart raced as the tension grew.
After following Toms directions, you pulled up to a nice two-story house. The garden was carefully looked after. Not a flaw in sight.
“This is me. Thank you for tonight. I really needed a break.”
“Of course. Anytime. You know where to find me.” You joked. “Bye Tom.”
“Bye Y/N.” He said as he pulled the door handle.
“Well, this is awkward.” He laughed as he attempts to open the door failed. “Shit. Sorry. I forgot the door was broken.” Embarrassment overcame you. You quickly jumped out of your car and ran over to his side. You shut your eyes wishing this was over with as you opened the door for Tom
“What a gentleman!” He teased as he got out of the car.
“Shut up.” You groaned playing with the sleeves of your coat trying to contain the embarrassment of it all. “Well, are you gonna walk me to my door? or?”
You looked up at him perplexed. You scoffed at his remark. “Of course darling. Maybe I will give you a kiss goodbye.”
He laughed before turning on his heels to walk up to the door down the short pathway, you following close behind. He dug into his pockets to find his keys. Once located, he shook them in his hands. You turned your head away from him, biting your lip to conceal your smile.
“Now, what were you saying about a kiss?”
Your face softened as you turned to him, trying to read his expression. Was he being serious? Your mouth parted as you quickly tried to come up with some smart remark. Nothing escaped.
Tom smiled, dipping his head slightly to place a quick, soft kiss on your lips. You were frozen. His lips remained temptingly close to yours. “Cat got your tongue darling?” Fuck it.
Gently, you connected your lips once again. It was innocent at first but rapidly intensified. Your arms swung around his neck. Your lips parted, allowing his tongue to explore your mouth. One arm wrapped around your waist, his free hand placed on your hip.
Soon the kiss became needy. Lips and tongues messily colliding, the rhythm lost. Your fingers tugged his roots at the base of his neck. A satisfying moan escaped his lips. You heard something jingle. You furrowed your eyebrows when suddenly you were pushed through the door. He slammed the door the kicked off his shoes, inviting you to do the same, all while your lips moved together. You knocked the paddy cap off his head before you started pushing his jacket down his arms. Tom’s lips began to travel down to your neck.
You opened your eyes, taking in your surroundings. The house reflected the outside. Tidy, neat and modern.
Tom's lips kissed every exposed spot until your hands squeezed his bicep, signalling he found your sweet spot. His tongue gliding over it before starting to savour the taste of your skin. A whimper softly slipped through your lips. You could feel him smile against the abused skin.
His started guiding you through the house, to what you hoped to be a bedroom. Your eyes continue to scan the house as Tom successfully removed your jacket throwing it somewhere unimportant at this time. His hands travelled under your shirt, wanting to feel your skin desperately.
“Oh my god. Your kitchen. Is that Italian marble on your countertops?” You blurted as you passed the beautifully designed room.
He pulled away, removing his green sweater over his head, exposing his chiselled abdomen. An artist couldn’t sculpt such a view that stood in front of you. “Yeah. I plan on fucking you on it later.” He growled pulling you close to him.
Your hands traced his muscles. Taking in every detail. Your lips latched onto his neck, kissing and biting the sensitive skin. He led you to his bedroom door, pressing you against it. He pulled away, seeking another kiss. This one was different. It was passionate and loving. His hand cupping the side of your face.
“This is your cleaning fee covered, I hope.” You mumbled into his lips.
With that, he pushed open the door, nearly knocking it off its hinges. His tight grip on your hips prevented you from falling over. He flipped you so he would hit the bed first. He lowered his hips, sitting on the edge. His hands refused to leave your body. Pushing your shirt up slightly, he kissed the exposed skin on your stomach. Your core tightened from the contact. His hands rode up and down the back of your thighs. His touch soothing your nerves.
“You sure? We can stop if you want. I am not pressur-” You placed a finger on his lips. “I’m sure.”
You grabbed the bottom of your shirt, ripping it off your body. You climbed on top of him. Straddling him. His hands travelled to your ass. His lips moved to the valley between your breasts. Sloppy sweet kisses marked your soft curves. He attended to every inch. Your eyes followed each calculated move. He looked back up at you, his bottom lips caught between his teeth. Your breath hitched as your hands removed your bra, unclasping it. He helped guide the straps down your shoulders, placing a kiss on each one.
He flipped you over, watching your breast bounce. “Fuck, you’re so sexy.” He groaned, latching his small lips around your left nipple. His hands grounded your hips into the bed. Loud gasps effortlessly left you. His full attention was on you and your body.
He started to travel down south. You focused in on the sight below you. Little hickeys covered your breast, nipples glistened under the low light. One hand was placed on your midsection, another on your thigh. The sight made you grow even wetter.
His eyes remained on you, watching you try to control your breathing. His hands began to undo your jeans. Careful and precise with every move, he teasingly pulled them down your legs. “Tom. Don’t be a tease. Please. I need you now.”
“Sound so sweet begging for me. So pretty. Let me get you ready for me. Promise I’ll make you feel so good.”
The sight of him, saying those things while his head was tucked between your thighs, made you arch your back. His hot breath against your thong, made you rut your hips forward. Each of his actions caused a reaction.
He fingertips fiddled with the band of your underwear. “Tom, seriously. Fuck.” You gazed at him with pleading eyes. In one swift motion, he rolled your underwear off and tossed them into a dark corner. He didn’t waste any time before having his first taste. His face buried between your thighs, licking long stripes.
Your hand covered your mouth, muffling the embarrassingly loud sounds. He barely even started and you were a moaning mess. He finally connected to your most precious spot. He licked gently at your clit as he was not sure how sensitive you were. He didn’t want to overwhelm you, yet.
He continued to explore your body, taking time to figure out what you like and didn’t like. Once he got the perfect pace, he slid a hand between your folds. “Tom.” You whimpered wanting to feel him. He momentarily removed his lips from your drenched core.
“That’s it darling. Wanna hear you. Shit you turn me on so much. Taste so good.”
His fingers glided into you with ease. Stretching you out with his thick digits. Prepping you for him. You clenched around him as he relentlessly worked on your sex. You couldn’t stop the noises that left you anymore. You climbed closer and closer to the edge with every passing second.
“Tom, I- I’m gonn-na, fuck.” You cried. Your hands pulled his hair as you finally fell off the edge. He continued to eat you out as you rode out your climax. Your thighs clenched his head, nearly suffocating him.
He pulled away. Face and fingers glistened. Next thing you know, you are wrapping your mouth around his fingers, cleaning them for him. He groaned as he watched you intently. His other hand removed his jeans with ease, needing some relief. The material being too restricting. He got on top of you, pulling you into a filthy kiss.
You pushed him off so that you could get on top. He scurried to the top of the bed so that he could rest against the headboard. His boxers had an evident wet patch on them. The material was tight across his hips. You spread his legs so you could position yourself on your knees between them.
“I’m gonna be nice and not tease you.” You smirked as you pulled down his boxers exposing his hard member. His hand wrapped around the base of his cock allowing it to stand tall, his eyes tracing your body, taking in every last detail. His put his free hand gently on your face. You stared deeply into his lust-filled eyes. The moment very intimate. You were convinced he could hear your heart thump in your chest.
He watched as your lips parted and your eyes slowly travelled down his body. He began to tug at his hard cock, wanting nothing more than to feel your warmth. He combed his hand through his wavy hair while rocking his hips. You adjusted your position, placing yourself on all fours. You lowered your chest to the bed, arching your back giving Tom an amazing view of your back and ass. Your face was temptingly close to his aching member. You put your hand on his thigh, feeling the muscles contract. You tugged at your lip, concentrated on his hand that continuously pumped his thick cock.
“You said you were an actor? In what industry? Adult film maybe? I mean you definitely have the looks and parts for it.”
“Hm, you always have something smart to say. I think we can use that pretty little mouth for something else right now.”
You opened your mouth invitingly. He followed suit, guiding his sensitive tip. You wasted no time moulding your lips around his girth. Tom released a satisfied moan. His grip loosened as he focused on the feeling. You used this as a chance to take control. Grabbing at his cock you began to pump the veiny shaft. You pulled back to release a trickle of spit. You licked from top to bottom of his shaft before placing him back into your mouth.
You hollowed your cheeks causing him to buck his hips up, hitting the back of your throat. “Shit. Shit. Sorry!” He exclaimed, but unbothered you continued to suck. Tom swore he got harder than he thought possible. He continued his moans and praises as he tangled his hands in your hair, guiding your movements at a steady pace. Your eyes glistened, chin wet.
“Y/N I won’t last long if you keep- fuck- keep doing this.”
You took the hint and pulled away, a trail of spit connected to your mouth. His cock was impossibly hard. His tip was red and angry. Tom closed the gap, bringing you into a heated kiss. So messy but so very hot.
“Condom?” You asked. His hand squeezed your ass before getting up to get a condom from his dresser. He turned to you in all his naked glory pumping his cock a few times, which was still wet from the prior activity, before ripping open the condom and rolling it down his shaft.
Once back on the bed, Tom shuffled towards you placing a soft kiss on your lips. He pulled your legs from under you causing you to fall back. He grabbed one of the fluffy pillows and carefully put it under your head. He spread your knees, fingertips gliding down towards your heat.
“So wet darling. You think you’re ready or do you need another round?” He said, kissing the inner side of your left knee.
“Thanks for the offer Tom, I might take you up on it later. But right now, I need you in me.”
With that, Tom didn’t hesitate as he positioned himself between your legs. One elbow propped him up while the other was wrapped around his length. His tip traced your folds before poking at your entrance. He looked at you one more time, ensuring this was what you wanted. You softly caressed his cheek. Your eyes trailed down south, making contact with the scene that was about to unfold.
Tom slowly pushed his hips forward, it felt awkward at first. The angle was quite discomforting. Tom obviously sensed that. He quickly pulled out, popping your knees up towards your chest. Your calves rested on his shoulder as he leaned forward to stabilize his position. Tom pushed back in. This time the stretch felt amazing. “God- Tom.”
“You are so tight, shit Y/N. So snug, just for me.” He growled bottoming out.
Your hands gripped his forearms that were caged around you. He slowly retracted his hips before snapping forward. The pleasure was overwhelming as he filled you up completely. The buildup, the affectionate touches, the caring demeanour, all adding to this amazing sensation you were experiencing. Nothing like you’ve felt ever. He was so attentive to your pleasure. You came first in his mind.
He watched how you reacted to each movement, finding the one that felt best. His hips snapped at a memorizing pace, lips latched onto your nipples causing you to cry out. Your hands flung to his hair, tugging on his perfect locks. Tom took this opportunity to swing one of his hands down to your aching clit.
“Tom- Fuck. Are- are you sure you aren’t a-a pornstar.” You asked between your involuntary moans.
Tom's teeth grazed your nipple as he pulled away to attack your swollen lips. Effectively shutting you up. Tom ruthlessly and repeatedly hit your spot, which caused you to tighten around him. He moaned loudly against your lips. Your fingers scraped his back while his fingers continued to abuse your clit. Building up the tension in your stomach for the second time.
“Tom, I- I am so close. Shit baby. Tommy.” You panted.
“You sound so perfect. Cum for me pretty girl. Cum on my cock.”
The praise pushed you to your climax. You threw your head back, screaming his name as he continued to fuck you senseless. Thighs quaked as your fingers dug into his skin. He hissed, slowing down his pace. “So snug, so warm fo’ me. You okay? Can I keep going?”
“How the fuck are you lasting so long?”
He laughed, flipping you around so you were on all fours. He quickly slid into you, wrapping his hand around your neck to pull you up to his chest. “Darling, I’m Spiderman.”
“You are what?” He pushed you down onto the pillow, forcing you to arc your back. He forcefully pounded into you causing you to scream. His strokes long, deep and hard. Giving you every single inch. His hands gripping your hips, leaving marks with his strength. Guttural moans escaping with each stroke.
You felt like putty in his hands. Letting him do whatever he pleased. Your arms were extended pulling at the bed sheets, ripping off the bedding. You continued to moan, not caring who heard your screams of pure ecstasy. “Tommy. You are making, making me feel so good. Please d-don’t stop”
“That’s it Y/N. Only I can make you feel like this. Shitt. So tight from every angle.”
His actions were becoming sloppy. Thrusts not becoming as accurate. One hand reached under to rub at your clit aiding you to an inevitable third release. “Darling, I’m so close. Fuck.” “Me. Too. Tommy.” You panted.
Tom pulled your hips higher, adjusting his own so he would hit your g-spot every single time. It only took a few more strokes to make you come undone. You clenched so hard around his member that he could barely continue his motion. He threw his head back with his eyes closed as he released into the condom.
“Fuuck Y/N. Shit.” He growled while the wave of pleasure took over his body. He rode out both of your orgasms before collapsing on the bed beside you. Your legs were shaking, overstimulated by him. Heavy panting filled the humid room. Sweat covered your bodies as you enjoyed the post-orgasm haze.
A light groan was heard as he took off the condom due to the sensitivity. You rolled on your side to watch him discard the used rubber. He threw on his boxers before walking into the bathroom. You stayed still, taking in the interior that surrounded you. It was definitely a nice place, but you could tell it wasn’t a home. No photos, no memorabilia. Only the basics.
He walked back out with a cloth clutched in his hand. He quickly grabbed a t-shirt from his drawer and handed it to you before attending to the mess between your legs. The warm towel cleaned the wetness that dripped down your thighs. He smiled as he watched your legs twitch every once and a while. He payed particular attention to the marks that he left. Your hips, thighs, neck and breasts all littered with little bruises and love bites. The moment was silent. Neither one of you knew what to say. He tossed the towel into the laundry basket before joining you in bed. He laid on his back and extended his arm, inviting you to cuddle.
“So was that- uh- okay?” He questioned. You smiled as your fingertips traced circles on his chest.
“It was amazing Tom. Don’t get all shy on me now.”
“Sorry, it’s just- well, I’ve never done anything like that before. I mean I’ve had sex, just not with a stranger. So I didn’t really know what the protocol was.” He joked.
“I mean one night stands aren’t usually so, passionate. But I can’t argue, that was possibly the best sex I’ve ever had.” You complimented before rolling over so that you partially laid on him. His arms instinctively wrapped around you, holding you close.
“Hey Mr. Spiderman, but um, what were you saying earlier about a certain kitchen countertop?”
1K notes · View notes
TWST Vice Dorm Leaders with an s/o who likes Bohemian Fashion
JJDDJDK OK I HAD TO RETYPE THIS PART- Hello! I have at least 14 more drafts left after I finish this one so AHHHHHH I’ve been procrastinating a lot and my drafts are literally piling up.
Bohemian fashion is, according to google “ artistic, relax and liberated”. It’s a really elegant yet casual style which I think is really pretty! But, all fashion senses are all equally good in their own way, and if you have your own one, then own it! Flaunt it! Okay, now onto the headcanon!
He thinks that’s super cool!
You look really pretty with that thin, detailed long coat of yours, or your detailed dress.
You introduced him to all the stone beaded jewelry you have, and he thinks that’s really cool as well!
Maybe he can have some inspiration from your fashion senses into his pastry decorations!
He just gotta be a lot more diligent to add in the details properly.
You made Trey decorate the cupcakes like artistic mozart wtf-
B E S U S-
“Y-you decorated it similar to my jacket patterns??? That’s really cool, but difficult to do.. You don’t have to make it for me like that..”
“S/o, I really do like your style. Thus, I decided to style my own cupcakes. I love doing it, especially when it reminds me of you~”
Heart attack 2.0
Damn, I’m indulging into Trey lately
I mean, who doesn’t like baker boi-
did Crewel made a Savanaclaw female uniform???
It looks very Savanaclaw aesthetic-
You explained to him that you love bohemian fashion, and that you liked those jackets with tassels and stuff, with all the details coming in.
You are dead drop gorgeous s/o
And he’s gonna cherish the look of you in that jacket
Basically anytime you wear your bohemian fashion and like
flaunt it hun
You are absolutely dashing in his eyes-
Anyone who dares say you look stupid are gonna be laughing so hard
Like damn Ruggie-
Ooh we gonna do yandere Ruggie???
He loves that you have an eye for artistic patterns and details
You look like royalty he swears-
Especially the one with nature prints-
You look like a royalty or nymph of the woods or some shit-
Your fashion sense is not something you see everyday!
It’s totally unexpected and refreshing!
He loves it!
why not try making him where one of your scarves to work??
Welp, looks like he threw away that purple scarf everyone’s suppose to wear
With one of your much more fashionable scarves~
“Jade, take of that scarf, it’s not part off the dress code, WHERE’S YOUR NORMAL SCARF-”
“Azul, please. That scarf is so plain, we need something a little more... exotic.”
“You’re only wearing it because it reminds you of s/o, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Yeah he doesn’t know what you’re talking about-
You thought he has no time to notice your cool fashion?
Cuz Scarabia gotta a lot of your type of detail going on?
You are absolutely W R O N G-
At first he thought you were one of those guests that were friends with the al asims.
And oh he was absolutely
W R O N G
He thought you look like frickin’ royalty
YOU LOOK BREATH TAKING AND ELEGANT-
With all that artistic patterns
How could he???
He loves your fashion
and he *shyly* (oooh~) asked you if he could-
if you could give him one of your hoodies-
like the one with your bohemian patterns-
Yeah that be great-
He swears he’s not a pervert, but he’s just busy all the time and can’t see you often,
so just having an article of your clothes makes him feels like at least your there.
I mean, that’s unless you are free and wanna come to Scarabia ya know-
He’s not forcing you-
Please visit him he needs it-
Such an apple of the eye!!
Literally just showers you with compliments.
He can’t help it!
He just loves your fashion senses!
It’s just so elegant and casual at the same time!
You just cut it flawlessly with that style!
I think he’s the type to observe the style of your jewelry,
and somehow find the right stone beads to make necklaces and bracelets that are Bohemian fashion.
I don’t know how-
And he just adores how you look with the jewelry!
Anyone who makes fun of your fashion senses
are in for some serious beating-
They’re in trouble-
You don’t even know what Rook did to make them shut up-
But it doesn’t matter
He loves his mon cheri’s fashion and of course,
the mon cheri themselves!
Ortho Shroud (platonic)
Although google in pretty much installed in his brain-
I wanna think he never really thought about fashion
Like the only ones he sees are goth and stuff cuz-
Which is WAY TOO COOL-
He thinks yours is absolutely pretty!
WOW BIG WOWS
He thinks your dresses and jackets with those cool boots make you look so pretty!
You should show this to big brother Idia!
Maybe you should lend him your scarf and see how he looks like?
Don’t worry, he’ll return it!
Spoiler, you gave him your scarf cuz he looks so cute in it wtf-
He’s gonna show this scarf to big brother!
He’s gonna love it! He knows it!
He loves you no matter who you are!
And he’s sure his big brother loves you for who you are too!
I think he’s come across some bohemian fashion himself-
and has maybe a piece of article or two
But he thinks al the same,
it’s certainly exotic!
You look striking in that dress!
You go rock it!
Maybe he have some sort of fashion runaway strut in Diasomnia-
and like you two just dress up and show off to each other your dresses and stuff-
Lmao Sebek just like whining over the fact he’s doing this-
Silver probably like meh-
And Malleus is so confuse-
I also like to think that you two just bring the entire Diasomnia gang to dress up with you guys-
And like just strut your stuff!
Show off them boots and necklace!
Lilia surely is having so much fun!
I think he’d also cheekily steal your boots-
He just loves them!
Obviously gives them back to you-
But no matter what fashion you like,
He thinks your beautiful no matter what!
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Obey Me as Tumblr #30
Asmodeus: A professor asked if I preferred “Miss” or “Mister” and I accidentally said “Ya boi” without thinking and now I have a professor that calls me “ya boi Asmo” every time I see him.
Mammon: I’m not seeing the problem???
Satan: My friend MC is really pretty and they get dick pics all the time from annoying boys, so being the person they are, they started using them as blackmail. They now have about 30 boys doing their bidding because one stepped out of line and they got someone to print out 500 copies of the photo and mailed it to his family
They are running a blackmail mafia
This human is going places
Belphegor: HOLD UP IF EVERY PERSON IN THE SERIAL KILLER FANDOM PUT UP LIKE $10 WE COULD BUY JEFFERY DAHMERS CHILDHOOD HOME AND WE COULD ALL LIVE THERE
Diavolo: What the fuck
Lucifer: The serial killers fandom
Simeon: Or for the stunning price of $0 y’all could visit a church
Belphegor: I’ve been ignoring chainmail for years and I haven’t been killed even a single time, what a ripoff
Asmodeus: What armor r u wearing
Mammon: ADHD culture is writing fast but having your mind go even faster so you accidentally a few words
Asmodeus: Hey, I’ve never had a nightmare before and kinda want to know what they’re like, can anyone help me out?
Barbatos: Sure! See you soon
Diavolo: *isolates myself* perfect! But why am I sad
Simeon: *socializes* perfect! How do I get out of here
Leviathan: Anxiety is like perpetually hearing the boss/enemy music but never seeing the threat
Mammon: This is the best description I’ve ever heard
MC: God gave me depression because if my ambitions went unchecked I would have bested him in to hand combat by age 16
Simeon: God would like to speak with you
Mammon: IF YOU CANT HANDLE ME AT MY WORST JUST REMEMBER I HANDLE ME AT MY WORST AND THAT MAKES ME STRONGER THAN YOU
Asmodeus: oh my goodness that makes me feel powerful I hadn’t even thought of it like this
Leviathan: For some reason we’re scared of looking into the abyss of the ocean when it’s only a few miles deep, but we’re completely fine looking into the nearly infinite abyss of space. In fact, most of us find it calming.
Solomon: Gravity doesn’t drag me upwards into the unforgiving maw of the cosmos.
Lucifer: Not yet.
Solomon: If you wake up much earlier than normal you feel secret emotions
MC: #one time I just woke up at 7 am and stared at the sunrise for like an hour #don’t know what emotions those were but they sure were a lot!!
Satan: If you stay up late enough, you feel those same emotions, but the bad version of them
Beelzebub: My clearest memory from high school is my friend asking if I’d brought gym clothes and me asking “who the fuck is Jim?”
Solomon: Isn’t the idea supposed to be “you saved my life now I owe you a crippling debt?”
Nope. Other way round. “You saved my life, so now I’m your problem. If you don’t like it then kill me.”
Belphegor: God wanted me dead, now you get to find out why.
Solomon: Justice is best served cold.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Leviathan: This one was bad enough to make me slow blink at the computer as I grinned, so therefore I have to inflict it on everyone else, too. Them’s the rules.
Satan: If I have to suffer so do you
Mammon: Why are you all complaining? This joke is amazing
Leviathan: The d in dirt stands for do not eat this please
Beelzebub: But the i r t stands for its really tasty
MC: Shout out to my fellow sexy bitches with adhd who use way more words than they really need at literally any time they write or type anything because their point has to come across 100% like they imagined it.
Simeon: Is this post an example?
Mammon: Thanks to Duolingo I can ask people if they are a horse but can’t tell people what my name is in French
Solomon: Ask me if I’m a fucking horse I dare you
Mammon: Tu es un cheval?
Mammon: ...oh you mOTHERFUCKER
Leviathan: I’m living my best life but like in my head
Asmodeus: Have you ever finished a test in 30 minutes and no one else was even close to being done
Asmodeus: I’m either really smart or I fucked up entirely
Belphegor: Nailed it or failed it
Satan: Black cats are wonderful because you can stare into the void and not only does the void stare back, sometimes it trots up to you happily and begs for pets
Diavolo: The void is loud and wants chicken
MC: No matter how old I get
I will always be at least slightly convinced that I’m capable of hurting a stuffed animal’s feelings
Diavolo: #suddenly memories of trying to fit all of my stuffed animals on my bed because I don’t want any of them to feel left out
Satan: Toy Story mentally fucked a generation of kids
Mammon: Ok can we agree that the WORST feeling is when your just sitting around consciously procrastinating and you’re just overly aware that each second that passes is more time wasted and you like watch hours pass and you’re STILL procrastinating and you CAN’T STOP and your panicked brain is trapped inside a body that refuses to be productive and inside you’re screaming but outwardly you’re just eating chips
Leviathan: Why would I buy a weighted blanket when I can sleep with the weight of knowing I will never be enough
Satan: Part of the new internet grammar: using question marks not to denote questions, but upturns in voice, so that a tentative statement gets a question mark but a flatly delivered question doesn’t.
Luke: Why would you do this
Solomon: It just seems right?
Asmodeus: (Bites lip sexily but really I’m just trying to peel this piece of skin off)
MC: THIS POST DESCRIBES MY ENTIRE FUCKING EXISTENCE
Simeon: You can probably tell which family member is coming upstairs by their step pattern but wouldn’t be able to pick out your own
Leviathan: If my own footsteps were coming down the hall towards me I reckon I would have bigger problems on my hands...
294 notes · View notes
them as alternative responses to " i love you "
ft. tsukishima kei, kuroo tetsurō, miya atsumu
genre. fluff hcs / drabbles !
warnings. gn! reader, lowkey a mess, sort of unedited !
psst ! its late but i js wanna update so <3 this was inspired by a prompt list i found on pinterest !
ღ TSUKISHIMA KEI ღ
it was a constant thing for you to annoy him, and vice versa.
even though tsukishima rarely reacted to most of your antics, you were determined to make him this time round.
in school, right before class happened, you slam your hand down on his desk, grabbing his attention.
you waited for him to take his headphones off completely and have him focus on you entirely before you started.
you grin. " i love you, kei. "
if anything, all you got was narrowed eyes, paired with a emotionless face.
" thanks, " he gave you an ungenuinesmile, before sliding on his headphones and carrying on.
you no longer felt in such high spirits, and you pouted before tapping a finger on the desk to grab his attention again.
" why won't you say it back ? " you ask when he's repeated the same process again.
" and why should i ? " he fires back, a grin slowly forming on his face when he sees the defeated look on your face.
" because .. i love you ? " you struggle coming up with an answer for him.
he lets out a small laugh, before grinning at you.
" that's another win for me. "
ღ KUROO TETSURŌ ღ
study sessions suck, so what better thing can you do besides procrastinate ?
yet there was absolutely nothing to do besides stare at the ceiling, lying on his bed.
sitting up from your lying down position, you start poking him, wanting to get his attention.
" what ? " he asks, stops, raising an eyebrow at you.
you stop, your mind racing to find something to say when you suddenly blurt it out.
" i love you ! "
he blinks, before chuckling and carrying on with his work. " who doesn't ? "
you growl in response, punching him hard in the shoulder. " that was mean, tetsu. "
he laughs, placing his pencil down to lean back in his chair, with his hands behind his neck. " i wasn't lying though, was i ? "
you frown at him, mad. " that's definitely not true. "
he gives you a knowing glance, and you huff, flopping back onto his bed.
" you broke my heart, " you dramatically cry out loud, before letting out a fake sob, turning on your side.
he lets out a loud laugh, before standing up to shake you. " i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i love you too. "
you sit up and glare at him. " bet that was another lie. "
he shakes his head a no, this time ruffling your hair in a playful way.
" it wasn't. "
ღ MIYA ATSUMU ღ
as usual, you follow the miya twins to practice after school, quietly settling down in your familiar place, against the wall of the gym.
there's not much for you to do except get started on your homework, then maybe help out the boys with their practice.
they're taking a break, and atsumu comes over to you.
" do ya have any water left ? " he asks.
" i'll check. " you reach into your bag and find out your drink bottle, throwing it at him.
" i love you so much, " you reply in an emotionless voice, rolling your eyes.
he smirks and takes it from you, giving you a side-glance. " i know, " he answers without batting an eyelash.
you're absolutely stunned by his answer.
not that it wasn't like him, but rather, it was the audacity he had to say that to you.
" i see how it is then, " you irk. " you don't love me anymore. "
wanting to show him how annoyed you currently were, you start packing your things.
" wait- i- i'm sorry ! " he panics, reaching forward to grab hold of your forearm.
" are you really now ? " you ask, and he vigorously nods.
seriously almost leaving him alone, you huff and drop your bag to the ground again.
" damn right you should. "
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Haikyuu!! Boys Reaction to S/O Removing Glasses Prank
Pairings: Tsukishima Kei x GN!Reader, Atsumu Miya x GN!Reader (Separate)
Genre: Crack, Humour, Fluff?
Warnings: None, badly edited
Honestly, this is more of something he’d do
So it can go both ways
He definitely said something to piss you off
After giving a comeback, you figuired now’s the perfect time to try it.
And you did :)
“Tsuki, I’m just trying to study-“ you gave him a look for him to stop bugging you. You hoped it would work but unlucky you, Tsukishima was in a mood today, and you were the lucky person.
“Why study? You’re just going to procrastinate again, right?” He looks at you with a knowing face while you were typing at your laptop.
You slowly turned your head to look at him, putting on your most “excuse-me-face” to see if he said what you presumed. I mean, he’s right, but he didn’t have to attack you like that.
After the silence being your answer, you decided to try a trend you saw awhile back and thought that right now was the perfect moment.
“I don’t even wanna look at you right now.” After taking off your glasses.
He stood there like 🧍
He really didn’t know what to say to that
Saltyshima just doesn’t know how to express his emotions.
Like a log 🪵
He does say sorry and makes up for it
Because you haven’t worn your glasses through the night to the evening of next day
This boy genuinely thought you didn’t wear your glasses. As if you don’t own contacts
He would never admit that you got him pretty good.
Ofc he started using that on other people tho
Kageyama wanted to drop kick him after he said that to him so bad.
This bitch istg
I love him, I do but he was so shocked when it happened
Over a very petty argument too
You like pushing his buttons :)
“ATSUMU, IT DOES!” You yell at your boyfriend from across the couch. You really don’t understand how someone can be so dense.
“Babe, I love ya, I do, BUT IT REALLY DOESN’T!” Atsumu tried hard to keep it in. He really did. But hearing this ridiculousness spew out of your mouth was something that his brain is having trouble comprehending.
“No, ‘tsum. Listen. Pineapple is pretty good! I don’t know how you ate it, but if you make it JUST RIGHT, then YES IT DESERVES TO BE ON A PIZZA!” At this point in the argument, you are trying so hard to convince him that it does. But alas, he has a thick skull and one too many timed bleach hair.
“Uh-uh, not listening, la la la,” Atsumu puts his hands to his ears, singing a rather annoying and out of tune song to keep from hearing you.
“Omg, I can’t believe you. You know what, I don’t even wanna look at you.”
The minute you take your glasses off you really can’t see much
Just a blurry image of your boyfriend who really looks like a log with a yellow blob at the top
Nothing new really
But when you did that, when I tell you this man SCREECHED
he really stood there looking at you like
“This girl did NOT just say this to me”
He thought it was a good one, but not when it’s towards him
Did not hesitate to take your glasses and put it back on you saying “THIS CONVO ISNT OVER”
You late got ‘Samu to make you guys some pizza with pineapple
The PROPER way
Atsumu liked it.
May or may not have bought fake glasses to try it on other pple too
Note: hey lovelies!! Here’s a random prank that I thought of doing to these boys after I’ve done it to my brother before he broke my only pair of functioning glasses. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and let me know if something wrong with it!!
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