#it's midnight and i work at 8 and i am very sad lol

[strawberrysturniolo]

never grow up seven

summary: after taking things to long distance, sunny and chris face the highs and lows of their love story. smuttyyyyyy and angstyyy. mentions of depression. some phone sex.

part six

part eight

Chris’ POV

The first two weeks of me and Sunny were so good. So fucking good. 

We were on such a high, a honeymoon phase I had never experienced before. We were talking consistently, both of us trying our hardest to make time for each other while we continued with our lives as we lived on opposite sides of the country.

One weekend in particular, I was kinda shit about responding, but it really wasn’t my fault. I had a shoot for Fresh Love on Friday, then had to go to an event that night. Saturday, we filmed a collaborative video all day with other YouTubers, and that night we filmed our podcast for Monday. Sunday, I met up with my friends at a music video shoot, and now that it’s Monday again, Sunny is back in classes.

I woke up late from having such a loaded weekend, and when I tried calling her at 1 p.m., she declined my call.

Me: Hey. Are you in class?

Sunshine: at work

Me: Oh

Me: Sorry. I had a crazy weekend. Woke up late because I’m exhausted. Can you talk after work?

Sunshine: i wont get home until midnight and then i have an 8 am tmr.

Sunshine: you didnt have a minute to text at all?

Me: I’m sorry baby

Me: I was really busy

Me: I’m trying to talk now but it’s the time zones fault

Sunshine: yeah

I know she’s upset with me. This is one of those unfortunate things that comes with distance. I’m really trying. When both of us are free, it’s great, and we can talk forever, but when one of us is really busy, it throws everything off. 

My schedule was loaded this weekend, and hers is loaded through the week with her classes and work, so with those combined, we haven’t really talked in a week. 

Me: I love you. Text me when you’re home from work so I can say goodnight

Sunshine: i love you too

I feel like shit. I’m really trying here. I can’t read her tone over text messages, and we haven’t had the time to have a real conversation over the phone. 

We’ll try harder tomorrow.

–

Sunshine: are u kidding me christopher!!!!

Me: What!!!

Sunshine: what are these flowers for??????

Me: Lol. Surprise

Sunshine: i’m gonna cry

Me: Noooo they weren’t supposed to make you sad

Sunshine: i’m happy! this was just so sweet. i miss you sm 

Me: Can you talk?

She FaceTime’s me instantly. I was never a FaceTime kind of guy. Even though me and my brothers are away from everyone we grew up with, I still was never the kind of person to opt for a FaceTime call. 

With her, I’ll always answer a call so I can see her face.

“Hey, pretty girl,” I smile, watching her place her flowers into a clear vase in her kitchen. I lay down on my bed, tucking a pillow under my chin.

“Hi!” she waves. She’s fucking adorable. “This is so cute, Chris. I had no idea you were doing this!”

“That’s the point of a surpriseeeeeee,” I remind her. “Did you see the card?”

“I did,” she nods, smiling big at me. “Very sweet of you.”

I shrug casually. “I try. How was your day?”

She lets out an exhausted sigh. “Good, but busy. I’ve kinda been feeling like shit lately.”

I sit up straight, pushing the pillow I had been laying on out of the frame. “What? Why didn’t you say something?”

“You’re 3,000 miles away,” she reminds me. “What are you going to be able to do?”

“Listen while you rant, give you advice, give you some encouragement,” I list off for her. “What kind of shit?”

“Just the usual–”

“Sunny!” I interrupt her. “You gotta tell me these things!”

“Well, sorry! I didn’t want to text you, ‘Hey, congrats on all the great stuff you’re doing, I’m super depressed and feel miserable all the time and all I want is my boyfriend to come home and be with me.’ That would only make me feel worse.” 

I frown at her. I don’t want her feeling like she’s going to rain on my parade. 

“I’m okay, Chris,” she assures me. “Promise. I wasn’t feeling too well, but I’m better now.”

“Will you tell me next time? I don’t want you to be alone.”

She nods gently. “Mhm, I’ll tell you.”

“I’ll come back by myself if I have to–”

“No,” she interrupts. “You’re going to stay and do your thing because I need to be able to figure this out myself. You can’t run back to Boston anytime I have an issue.”

“Why not?”

She gives me a ‘come on,’ type look, like I’m being ridiculous. “How was your day?” she asks me instead. 

I lift the camera up so she can see me laying in my bed. “Hasn’t started yet.”

I can see her eyes scanning my body closely, her face inches from her phone as she bites her bottom lip. I know she’s staring at my body. We’ve been feeling more risky about things, sending each other suggestive photos. It’s the only way I can really feel close to her sexually. I never thought I would be sending her, of all people, pictures of my hard dick through my underwear. 

The other night she got me good, sending a picture of herself in the shower, her arm covering her tits, but pressing them into her chest enough for them to look plumper than usual. The water droplets on her skin added more to the photo, sending me into a spiral. 

“Whatcha looking at, babe?” 

She smirked at me through the phone. “The underwear poking out of your sweatpants.”

“Yeah?” I asked, pushing my pants down so she could see my underwear fully. I pulled the bottoms of it down more, seeing that it rode up my thighs as I laid down. 

“Jesus,” she sighed, taking me into her room with her.

“Yeah?” 

I set the phone up on a stray pillow across my bed so she can see my entire body. I press my hand into my dick, palming myself lightly. I immediately feel a rush through my dick, forcing me to shove my hand into my briefs to touch myself.

“I miss you baby,” I nod at her. “Miss your sweet face.” 

She watches me as I stroke my dick, whispering softly in that sweet voice, “I miss you more.”

Not a fucking chance. 

“No shot,” I challenge.

“I promise,” she insists, her doe eyes really doing the trick to convince me. 

I hold my dick still in my fist, shoving my briefs out of the way so she can see me. “You see how much you turn me on, baby?” I ask her, hoping she notices how red my tip is right now from the swelling, not to mention the fact that I have precum leaking out of me like I’m touch starved, probably because I am. 

She lays down on her bed, right on her stomach. She mumbles a “fuck,” as she gets comfortable. “You’re so hot.”

“You are,” I smile, stroking myself faster.

I watch as she pulls her jeans off, lifting her ass in the air for me to see.

I pause for a second as I stare at her lower back, the thong hugging her hips in the most perfect way. I’m contemplating booking a flight right now so I can put my handprints all over that ass.

“Ohhh fuck,” I groan, squeezing around my tip with a tight fist. “You’re perfect.” She smiles at me as she watches my motions, now listening to my groaning sounds as I struggle to keep myself casual.

“Does that feel good?” she asks curiously as she turns over to her back.

“Mhm,” I hum. “Not as good as you.”

She lowers the camera to her pelvis, showing me her hand as it glides down her thong, and settles right over her pussy.

“Oh good girl,” I nod. “Show me how you touch yourself, Sunny.” She lowers the camera even further, settling it between her legs on a pillow somewhere a few inches out. I have a clear shot over her fingers burying themselves in her. A loud moan escapes my lips. “Perfect fucking pussy. All mine, right?”

“Uh huh,” she whimpers.

My cock continues to drip, and I quickly spread the precum across my length. “Talk to me baby. Tell me how much you need me,” I taunt as the sound of me fucking my hand fills the room. “My mouth on your swollen little clit, yeah?”

She nods desperately as she rubs herself faster. “I need you so bad, Chris,” she whines for me. “Stretching me out like before.” 

“Yeah?” I ask, mindlessly bucking my hips so I get the illusion of her pussy as my hand right now, hovering above me as my dick buries itself into her. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum baby.” 

I set my phone up next to me, changing the angle slightly so she can see my face and my dick in the same shot. My balls tighten, and I rub them for some sort of release. 

I listen to her pretty moans, using them as fuel to the fire. 

“You’re so pretty, Chris,” she tells me, but I can’t focus on it. I’m moaning so bad, I sound like a fool. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I chant to myself, my face scrunching in pleasure as she continues to try talking me through it, but my ears are fucking ringing as the release floods through me. “Oh! Shit!” I curse loudly, laying my dick on my stomach and rubbing myself through my orgasm, the cum dripping across my abdomen. 

I keep my eyes on her despite how heavy they feel. My breathing is just as bad. “God, keep going baby,” I encourage her, noticing how badly she’s dripping in front of me and I can’t fucking touch her. 

“I’m close, Chris.”

“Uh huh, you got it.”

The sound of her fingers going in and out of her has me ready for another round. I’m half hard, really debating on going again as I watch her.

“Oh god, Sunny,” I breathe out. She looks fucking beautiful. She always does. “My perfect fucking girl.” She bends her knees, the most perfect shot of her pussy as she cums directly in my vision. “Ohhhh there you go.” She starts panting tirelessly as it drips down her hand. “Good girl. Fuck, I wish I was there to lick you clean baby.”

She looks down at the mess she made and says, “Me too.” Once she cleans herself up and settles back in bed, she asks, “When are you coming home?” 

I wipe my stomach clean and pull on a clean pair of underwear. “I don’t know yet, I answer honestly. “Maybe the end of the month.” She nods at me, and I can tell she’s disappointed. “Soon, I promise.” 

“Okay,” she gives me a half smile. “I have to go change for work.”

I nod, disappointed that our call is coming to an end. “Okay. Have a good day, baby. I love you.”

“I love you,” she says, and that’s the last time I talk to her that day. 

– 

The last few days have been rough. We’re back to barely talking. I feel like shit. I feel guilty, but it’s not my fault. I’m trying, I really am. It’s the time zone. It’s fucking everything up. I sleep in, and by the time I’m up and doing stuff, she’s at work and can’t talk. Then she’s going to bed, and we have like… an hour in the day to talk.

I thought we could make this work. I thought things would fall into place. 

I’ve stayed up every night this week trying to think of how to talk to her about this, but I’m too scared. I keep holding back everything that I feel. 

I’m quite literally shaking as I click on her contact, texting her a quick message. 

Me: Hey. Can you talk?

Sunshine: i’m about to go to bed

Me: Please

A photo of her smiling pops up on my phone with her caller ID on top. I answer the call with a deep breath.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” she mumbles. “What’s up?”

“Are you in bed already?”

“Mhm,” she hums. “Long day. Is everything okay?”

No. 

I’ve never been in this position before, and I don’t know how to do this the right way. 

Just rip off the bandaid. 

“I don’t think this is working out,” I say simply. My voice is soft, yet firm.

I hear the rumbling of her bedsheets and then her broken voice. “What?”

Shit. 

That pretty voice that sews me together just ripped me apart. 

“Sunny– I just– I don’t think I can give you what you need,” I say honestly, picking at the subtle rip in my jeans on my thigh. I pull at the fraying material and toss the scraps on the floor. 

“Chris–”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, looking at my ceiling. “I just don’t think it’s fair to keep stringing you along if I know it’s not going to work out.”

I know this isn’t what she wants to hear. I think in the future we could work out, but right now, we’re doomed. I don’t want to have this heartbreaking story when we could prevent it. We were in over our heads. 

“We’ll try harder,” she says.

The desperation in her voice is killing me. “I know this is hard.” Fuck, I’m trying to keep myself together so I don’t back out of this. “But I think it’s better this way.” 

“We can make it work, Chris,” she insists.

I shake my head, trying to keep myself from breaking down. “It’s not that easy. You deserve someone who can give you everything you want and need. Someone who can be there for you, emotionally, and physically… and I can’t do that for you right now. It’s so hard for me not being with you. I just want to hold you and be with you and I can’t, Sunny. I want to come home and be with you everyday but I need to be in LA.” The line is silent, and I know she’s going to make this hard for me. I deserve it, but she deserves the truth. “I really want this, but I can’t give it to you right now, and it’s not fair for either of us.”

The only conversations we’ve had this last week are us arguing or sexting. That’s not how this should be.

“How long have you been feeling like this?” she asks hesitantly. I know she’s scared of the answer.

I let out a heavy sigh, my hand running through my hair and tugging on it. “A little bit. I don’t know how long, but I’ve been trying to ignore my feelings and–”

“And you didn’t tell me you were having doubts?!” she asks accusingly. 

“It’s not that I didn’t want to talk about it with you. I just– Fuck, Sunny– This is difficult and–”

“How is it difficult!” she asks. “I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to be the easiest person for you to talk to.”

“I know,” I agree with her, but does she not realize how fucking hard it is knowing that the one person I’m trying to be open with is the person who is going to face the damage? “That’s why it’s so hard. I don’t want to lose you as a friend too.”

She ignores my point. 

“Why did you start a relationship with me then? You started this, Chris.”

I mean, she kissed me, but alright. 

I’m too in shock at her tone and fight for this to think of anything to say. 

“I… I didn’t mean to,” I stumble over my words. “I thought… I don’t know. I thought we could make it work.” 

“Then let’s make it work.”

I roll my lips into my mouth, trying to keep myself from crying. The sound of her voice is destroying me. “Maybe we can, but right now I just need some time to think.”

“How much time?” she asks. 

“I don’t know. A few days, maybe? A week?”

She scoffs. “Chris, if you have to think about if you want me or not then–”

“I said I need time to think, Sunny,” I remind her. “I’m not making any decisions right now.”

“But you’re questioning us to begin with! You said you’ve felt like this for a while so what’s there to think about!”

“Baby–”

“Don’t,” she says sharply. 

I pace my room, a pit in my stomach growing. This is fucking awful. “I said I can’t right now.” 

I hear a soft cry from her end, and I freeze. “Please, don’t do this.”

My eyes well with tears. “I’m so sorry. I really am. But I can’t be in this with you if I’m feeling doubts. I just need to figure things out, and maybe we can work it out.”

Something in her switches and all those tears and sadness turn into anger. 

“So you fuck me after we’re friends for our whole lives. Then you leave without a word. Then you come back and say you’re in love with me, fuck me again, and then leave and want me to move on and be with other people. Oh wait! But then!” she continues. I just stand there in the middle of my room and let her rip me apart through the phone. “You want me to be with you and we’re happy and great and then you drop this and say you’ve been unhappy and want to break up?”

Yeah… So, I sound like shit. 

My eyes narrow as I grip my phone. “That’s not fair,” I say, shaking my head. “I didn’t force you into anything, and I’m not trying to hurt you.” 

“But you made me feel wanted by you!”

“I do want you!” I remind her. “But this isn’t about what we want, it’s about what I need right now.”

She pauses and lowers her voice. “Do you need me?”

I hate myself for the way I hesitate to answer her.

“Yes, I do.”

I can almost hear the sigh of relief in her voice.

“But not in the way you’re asking.” 

Then I hear her cries. At this point, I’m breaking down with her. 

“Is there anything I can do to make this work?” she asks again.

“No. There’s nothing you can do.”

I sit on my bed, listening to her cry, and I feel awful knowing that I can’t wipe those tears like I always do. 

“I love you so much Chris,” she says desperately.

I wipe the tears that fall down my own cheeks. “I love you too, but I can’t be with you like this. Not right now.”

“Are we still going to be friends?” she asks. “Or are you going to go ghost again for four months?”

“I’m not going to ghost you,” I assure her. I fucked up that time, I really did, but I thought it’s what we needed. That time of no contact to figure ourselves out. It clearly made things worse. “I think we need some space though, just for a little bit.”

She’s pissed. It’s obvious. She’s gone from trying to talk me into staying with her, to now saying nothing at all. 

“Look,” I say, trying to keep myself from sounding like a broken record. “I get that you’re hurt and disappointed, but I need to do this. I can’t keep going through this cycle of wanting you and then pulling away from you because I’m scared. I need to get to a place where I feel secure with you and I know we can make it work. Right now, it’s not that time.” 

All I want right now is to hold her, kiss her, tell her it’s going to be okay. I want to lay next to her and smile at her before we go to bed. I want to be with her forever, never losing sight of each other.

But if we keep trying to force this relationship, we’re only going to ruin everything. 

“I wish I could hate you,” she sobs. “I really do. But I could never hate you, Chris, and that’s the worst part.”

“I’m sorry,” I keep saying to her. The pain in my voice only becomes more evident. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I’m always going to be in love with you, and you’re always going to know it.”

I sigh heavily. “I know. And that’s part of the problem.”

“Why?”

“Because,” I say, pausing to find the right words. “I can’t be with you like this. I need to figure myself out first.” 

“You started this!” she says again. 

“I know.” My voice is heavy with guilt. “And I’m sorry.”

“Are you even upset about this?” she questions. “I’m sitting here fucking crying and it’s like your emotions are shut off! Give me something, Chris!”

“Of course I’m upset!” I raise my voice in frustration. “You want to hear me cry? I never meant to hurt you like this.”

“THEN STOP!” she screams.

“I’M TRYING!” I yell back, my eyes rimmed with tears. “I can’t keep having this conversation. I’m sorry, but we need to break up.”

The line goes silent again. 

“Please,” I plead with her. “Just say something.”

After a minute of silence she says, “I love you, and I hope you can get your shit together. If not for me, then hopefully for the next girl so you don’t fuck her over the same way.”

I sit staring at my floor. I don’t know what to say that will fix this or give her the same hope I feel for us. I do want this. All I’ve ever wanted was her. I just can’t do it right now. It’s not the right time. 

I’ve dreamt of marrying this girl, and the idea of us having the wrong timing is terrifying me. It needs to be perfect, and it’s just not right now. 

“I’m sorry,” I say finally, my voice thick with emotion as I try not to break down again. “I really am.”

I expect more fight from her considering she wouldn’t back down before. 

I don’t get that.

“Goodbye.”

I’m torn between heartbreak, confusion, and anger. 

“Goodbye.” 

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[lucinatta]

GIRL OK I'm going to vent. If u want to read that'd be great cause I want to know if I'm in the wrong here lol. It's long tho so no need <3

Last monday was my birthday, it's a sucky day to have as a bday so what I did was invite my friends over for dinner on sunday, wait till midnight, blow the candles, eat some cake, open presents, and send everyone on their way at about 1 am so all of us could sleep relatively early. These were like, my "important" birthday plans, because they happened on my actual birthday. I invited my closest friends + 2 girls my friends have been dating for about 7/8 months, because a) I like them! and b) I knew they were spending that weekend over at my friends' places anyway so bringing them was easier than not.

Context for later: The 2 friends with the girlfriends are male, those are the only 2 partners that are external to the friend group, there's 9 of us, and we've been friends for about 10 years.

Anyway, so when I set that plan up on the gc, I explicitly asked both my friends to bring their girlfriends. They told me they would, they did, everything went great. After sunday's plan, I proposed we go out to dinner and then for drinks this saturday so I could have like proper bday plans that don't get cut short because everyone has to get up early for work. Everyone said they could come. Great, no issues so far.

Issues start yesterday, in a gc I'm NOT in that my friends made so they could discuss my present for sunday + a surprise cake (that now I know about lol) for saturday. This is not uncommon, we have bday groupchats for everyone in the group. One of my friends (girl) proposes the surprise cake, and apparently one of my male friends says that his gf can make the cake (as a gift) because she works as a baker. My friend (girl) says that it's not a good idea, since it be weird to have her make a cake for a plan she's not invited to. Apparently this caught both my male friends off guard, because they were under the impression that both their gfs were invited and had already told them about the plan. Now, to be clear, I didn't invite them and at no point did I imply they were invited. Not necessarily because I didn't want them there specifically, but rather because I wanted a night out with just my friends. These 2 girls come to a lot of our plans as a group, but when they do it's because we either tell them to, or our friends ask if they can come. NEITHER OF THESE 2 THINGS HAPPENED!! I want to clarify though, I didn't and still don't feel strongly about them not coming, and if it had been up to me, I would have liked both my friends to reach out to me and let me know that they had misunderstood, that they thought the girls were invited and that they had already invited them, and I would have told them to bring them!! like it really wasn't a big deal. Instead they got upset and told their girlfriends that they couldn't come because I DIDN'T WANT THEM THERE, which sounds sooooo much more drastic than what it actually is. So I find myself in a very shitty situation with NO WARNING (because again, this started in a gc I'M NOT IN!!!), when one of my friends sends me this really long message about how sad and hurt he is and asking me if I'm mad a him or his gf or whatever, and how he had hoped that I would think of her as my friend after all this time. To clarify she's not my friend, she's my friend's gf (that I really like!!), and "all this time" is 8 months lmao. Now these 2 girls think that I hate them, and I have to apologize for something I DIDN'T DOOOOOO. Like this wasn't my misunderstanding, I wasn't even on the gc!! and like what options do I have, realistically? Telling them to backtrack and invite them back gives major "you can come, IF YOU WANT" vibes and I hate that, and telling them that, no, they're not invited sounds like I don't like them or want them there. Like both my options suck.

Things have smoothed over now with my friends but I know they're mad about their gfs being hurt and SO AM I but like, it's not my fault!!! They (my friends) assumed they (their gfs) were invited when they weren't!! But again, it wasn't something I felt strongly about! like honest to god idk why they didn't just tell me they had invited them because they thought they were invited before stirring the pot behind my back. Now everything's a mess and things are tense because the rest of the gc sided with me. And I'm not gonna lie I'm kinda mad that they made this my problem on my bday week. Like couldn't you have waited a week to bring it up?? Anyway that's it lmao

[katushku]

Dear Sam,

Hello sizter! I just wanted to write and give you an update on everything you have missed since you left. First thing I want to say is that we all miss you so much, you have no idea how much.

I turned 21, 24 days after I said goodbye to you. Do you remember the guy I had been dating since I was 17. Well he planned a very nice 21st birthday party for me. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I felt happy but you were missing, the vibes weren’t there at all. Mom got very drunk, you would've thought it was funny. I think she was trying to mask the sadness she felt. I told myself that I wouldn’t drink after you left but I heard you telling me “Ale if you don't drink when you turn 21, you’re lame”. So I drank, and I had a hangover for two days. You know that was my very first time drinking, LOL. The next day I found out that he wanted to propose the morning of my birthday. When he told me that I said “Well I am glad you didn’t because I would have said no”. This hurt his feelings a lot. I had been in limbo with my relationship with him, when you left I could not think about continuing my life without you.

Mom told me you two had planned a trip to Disneyworld to celebrate my 21st in July. My mom felt it would not be okay with you if we missed it. You had planned on surprising me with all the details. You even spoke with him about it because you knew that I would never take an entire two weeks off of work to go anywhere. He told me that he had already planned on running the smoothie shop alone while I went on vacation. Since you had already left he found someone to run the shop without both of us being there, he went decided he would come to disneyworld with me. You know how much it must’ve taken for us to trust someone with the business, but we knew you would have wanted us to go. Even after I told him I would not accept the proposal, he has always been a great friend and I am working on getting back to him because you know that he makes me whole. I have just been a little lost since you have been gone.

Then came Christmas, the first one without you. It was nothing special like when you were here…We did get together at grandmas, like always. We all sat and cried when the clock struck midnight and it was then the 25th of December. There was a long pause with just silence. We all tried to snap out of our hurt hearts.

In general being at grandmas has not been the same. The house is empty when it is full of people, silent when filled with noise. Grandma still makes those pancakes you loved. At first we couldn’t say your name because she would burst out in tears. She has always been very open and sure of her emotions, it was very easy for her to express herself. Our cousin Laisha, aunt Rosita and I still had not found a way to express and understand our emotions. So when grandma cried we got very uncomfortable. We stopped mentioning you in front of her. We stopped mentioning you at all with each other. We were all going through the same pain but avoided leaning on each other because we weren’t open emotionally. I worry about dad so much you two were so close, I feel like I have to fill that void in his heart but I can’t. I try to make that 4 hour road trip to visit him as much as possible.

Forwarding to your birthday, March 5th. We celebrated your 18th. I made you the same cake I had made on your 17th, the last year you spent with us. We went to the Cheesecake Factory. I got the same meal we shared together every time we went there. Mom got the lettuce wraps you loved. Your most recent birthday, 19…we did not get to go to the Cheesecake Factory. I didn’t get a chance to make your birthday cake. I felt so much guilt missing out on what had been a tradition for almost 10 years. I wanted to make your birthday cake for the 11th time, I had been doing it since you were 8. Instead, we visited mom’s brother in Montreal. You know, he was the first one to meet us at the house when you left. He also misses you very much.

I went to what would’ve been your high school graduation and I felt your presence. I couldn’t wait to see you in your cap and gown. You always said everyone doubted you but we were all your biggest supporters.

The entire year after you left I did not know what to do about anything. After my 21st birthda I irresponsibly stopped working.I started to fill my body with tattoos, going out every weekend, stopped talking to mom and distanced myself from everyone. Until I found a box filled with mail addressed to you. Sam! You were accepted into 4 universities! Seeing this filled me with so much joy and sadness at the same time. It was the wake up call I needed to get back on track. I know it was you helping me get out of that dark room I put myself in. You were always the one to get me back up when I was down. I want to say thank you, because you left me with the most confidence I have ever had. You always pushed me to do things outside my comfort zone. You were so unapologetically YOU and didn’t let anyone bring you down. After seeing those acceptance letters you had received, I decided I would finally go back to school. You always did call me the nerd in the family and said I was made to always be in school. You were right. I enjoy school so much. Everything I accomplish is for both you and I. Thank you for visiting in my dreams and taking away the nightmares. We keep you alive in our hearts, now we talk about you any chance we get. As a family we lean on each other when we miss you and you are the one we do it all for because I know you brought us together again.

I love you and miss you like you wouldn’t imagine,

Your sizter.

#grief #sibling loss #little #sister #i miss you #i love you

[altheterrible]

This came up in my Facebook memories from 2008. Thought it would be fun to do it again almost 15 years later.

1) What should we call you?

Al the Terrible

2) Have you ever showered with someone?

not in any way that was remotely enjoyable.

3) Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?

Lol no

4) Are you a male or a female?

Female

5) Was last New Year's Eve enjoyable?

Not really. It was a struggle to stay up until midnight.

6) Are you high?

Unfortunately, no

7) McDonalds or KFC?

They offer totally different products. Generally I'll choose McDonald's though.

8) Burger King or Wendys?

Wendy's, I guess. They have better nuggets.

9) Target or Walmart?

Meijer, usually. I mean, I'm there all the time anyway.

10) What time is it?

2:13 AM

11) Would you ever become a vegetarian?

I hate vegetables, is the thing. So probably not.

12) What is your desktop picture?

SPACE!

13) Can you swim well?

Not at all. Having only one functioning lung makes swimming pretty hard for me, and dangerous to boot. I don't float very well.

14) Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?

Hard pass on both. Japan has serious issues with misogyny and France has issues with snobbery.

15) Do you have a guitar in your house?

Yes, a bright orange electric guitar. I also have a blue electric bass.

16) Are you listening to music right now?

Nope, might turn some on though.

17) Who else is in the room with you?

Sev the Cat is asleep on my rocking chair.

18) How long can you go without your phone?

Oh, roughly 32 seconds. I'm a dopamine addict.

19) Do you have any enemies?

None who are aware they're my enemies.

20) What last made you sad?

A billboard for a pet cremation service.

21) Is the person you last kissed younger than you?

He was 14 years old, small, with black fur, yellow eyes, and four legs.

22) Last person talked to on the phone and what did they say?

My doctor's office, I was trying to get them to call in a refill for a med.

23) What is your favorite commercial you've ever seen?

The one I've watched the most is probably the KISS Pepsi commercial. I was obsessed as a teenager.

24) Who last grabbed your ass?

Some drunk creep at work. Love working nights.

25) Do you eat raw cookie dough?

Shamelessly.

26) Don't you hate it when the radio ruins songs by over-playing?

My job plays like the same 25 songs over the PA, most of which I've never listened to voluntarily but nevertheless know all their words.

27) How do you eat oreos?

Generally I don't, but when I do I like to dip them in milk.

28) Are you cocky?

Lol no. I have no faith in my own abilities and will be the first person to express doubt about my capabilities.

29) Could you live without a computer?

I very rarely use an actual computer anymore, mostly I use my tablet.

30) At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?

Wait, he's not?

31) What do you do when you're sad?

Do things to make myself even more sad, to the point that it's ridiculous how dramatic I'm being, and I can laugh about it.

32) Who would you call first if you won the lottery?

my sister

33) Is anyone on your bad side now?

I don't have a bad side, I'm a friendly, happy, kind person 100% of the time.

34) What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

Take my morning meds.

35) Will you keep your last name when you get married?

I was thinking if I ever get married, I'll use the opportunity to choose a new last name. I'm a fan of MacKenna

36) Do you return your cart?

Sometimes. Sometimes I put it directly behind someone else's car to be a dick.

37) What brand are your pants/shorts right now?

I think I got them at Walmart, they're really ugly gray sweatpants

38) What irritates you most on the internet?

Videos that autoplay with sound. God, is there anything more awful?

39) Do you like sushi?

I've never had it, but I don't like it as a concept.

Gonna tag people who should do this because I think old fashioned surveys need to come back. @wardinpanties @severinw93 @lifewithchronicpain @theresnocureforcuriosity @westgateoh do it and tag 5 people!

#about me

[bluntzzz]

1. What would you like to say to the FIRST person you kissed this year?

I say whatever I want to him every day lol, but for the sake of question, I love you!

2. What is the last reason you cried?

My mom is very mean!

3. Where is your cell phone?

To my immediate left.

Maybe not finishing college LOL, but if I did, I would not be here today.

5. Did you like NSYNC or Backstreet Boys?

Neither really. Now I like both!

6. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?

Britney.

8. Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

9. What time did you go to sleep last night?

Pfft midnight?

10. What woke you up today?

Kyle snoring :P

11. What is one thing you wish people didn’t do?

Lie.

12. Are you excited for the future?

Sure.

13. Your ex shows up randomly at your house, you say?

I would not answer the door, for anyone really.

14. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, you say?

Although unlikely, I don’t think I would say anything. Maybe a good fuck you to both of them lol.

15. Do you have any weird inside jokes?

Heaps.

16. Liquor or Beer?

Liquor.

18. When was the last time someone yelled at you?

Good question. Thankfully its been a while.

19. I am _________ .

Hungry and ready to go home!

21. Have you ever tried to break someone up?

I don’t think so.

22. When is the last time you talked to your best friend?

Hm, kyle is my partner and my best friend, we talked this morning. My non-partner best friend, we texted yesterday I think.

23. Have you done anything you regret this year so far?

Nope.

24. Where is your best friend?

Kyle is probably on his way to pick me up from work now. 😊

27. Who was the last person to make you laugh?

Kyle.

28. Anything annoying you right now?

Being in the office is innately annoying.

29. Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?

Yes. Im trying really hard not to be sad and depressed about the state of the relationship with my mom.

30. Who has your heart?

Kyle.

32. Have you done anything embarrassing lately?

Of course lol, but I don’t get embarrassed by it. Anything that could be embarrassing makes me laugh.

33. Do people make fun of your nationality?

I mean, I used to get made fun of for being really pale, which is derivative of my nationality, right?

34. Do you eat more than you should?

Sure lol.

35. Do you smoke?

Cannabis, yes.

36. Who’s the last person of the opposite sex to hug you?

Kyle.

37. Last time you shoplifted?

Lmao man, on purpose, a long time ago. About two months ago, I accidentally did not pay for some paper towels or something and no one noticed lol.

38. What will you name your future son?

No future son, no future kids! Kyle already has a son lol.

39. What will you name your future daughter?

NONE.

41. What is your favorite number?

8.

42. What gets you happy?

Kyle, my dog, my cats, lofi, video games, painting my nails.

43. Where were you at 11:45 pm Last Night?

Yes or on my way.

44. Is the person you like older or younger than you?

Younger, by 4 months.

45. Ever talked to someone that was high?

Lmao yes.

46. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller?

Taller, by like 2-3 inches.

47. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes. I don’t remember details but I know it was a turbulent dream about my family, ugh the worst!

48. Last comment you left someone?

Idk lol.

49. Do you have a Facebook?

Yes.

50. What do you think about the last person that you stole this from?

I do not know them.

4. What was the worst mistake of your life?

Maybe not finishing college LOL, but if I did, I would not be here today.

5. Did you like NSYNC or Backstreet Boys?

Neither really. Now I like both!

6. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?

Britney.

8. Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

9. What time did you go to sleep last night?

Pfft midnight?

10. What woke you up today?

Kyle snoring :P

11. What is one thing you wish people didn’t do?

Lie.

12. Are you excited for the future?

Sure.

13. Your ex shows up randomly at your house, you say?

I would not answer the door, for anyone really.

14. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, you say?

Although unlikely, I don’t think I would say anything. Maybe a good fuck you to both of them lol.

15. Do you have any weird inside jokes?

Heaps.

16. Liquor or Beer?

Liquor.

18. When was the last time someone yelled at you?

Good question. Thankfully its been a while.

19. I am _________ .

Hungry and ready to go home!

21. Have you ever tried to break someone up?

I don’t think so.

22. When is the last time you talked to your best friend?

Hm, kyle is my partner and my best friend, we talked this morning. My non-partner best friend, we texted yesterday I think.

23. Have you done anything you regret this year so far?

Nope.

24. Where is your best friend?

Kyle is probably on his way to pick me up from work now. 😊

27. Who was the last person to make you laugh?

Kyle.

28. Anything annoying you right now?

Being in the office is innately annoying.

29. Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?

Yes. Im trying really hard not to be sad and depressed about the state of the relationship with my mom.

30. Who has your heart?

Kyle.

32. Have you done anything embarrassing lately?

Of course lol, but I don’t get embarrassed by it. Anything that could be embarrassing makes me laugh.

33. Do people make fun of your nationality?

I mean, I used to get made fun of for being really pale, which is derivative of my nationality, right?

34. Do you eat more than you should?

Sure lol.

35. Do you smoke?

Cannabis, yes.

36. Who’s the last person of the opposite sex to hug you?

Kyle.

37. Last time you shoplifted?

Lmao man, on purpose, a long time ago. About two months ago, I accidentally did not pay for some paper towels or something and no one noticed lol.

38. What will you name your future son?

No future son, no future kids! Kyle already has a son lol.

39. What will you name your future daughter?

NONE.

41. What is your favorite number?

8.

42. What gets you happy?

Kyle, my dog, my cats, lofi, video games, painting my nails.

43. Where were you at 11:45 pm Last Night?

Yes or on my way.

44. Is the person you like older or younger than you?

Younger, by 4 months.

45. Ever talked to someone that was high?

Lmao yes.

46. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller?

Taller, by like 2-3 inches.

47. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes. I don’t remember details but I know it was a turbulent dream about my family, ugh the worst!

48. Last comment you left someone?

Idk lol.

49. Do you have a Facebook?

Yes.

50. What do you think about the last person that you stole this from?

I do not know them.

[canaryatlaw]

okay, well today was not bad. Up at 8:30 as opposed to my normal 8:45 for work from home with 9 am court days in order to give kitten her morning feeding, which took a little longer than expected but ultimately worked out fine. Court was fine, hopefully we'll get things wrapped on that case in the coming weeks. I didn't have all that much to do today, so I played with the kitten and such, and then I had my yearly assessment meeting with my boss, which was good. case acceptance meeting in the afternoon, then I finished things up for the day and moved on to cooking dinner. We probably temporarily switched to a different meal box because blue apron is great but currently runs $70 a week for us and that's a lot when money is tight this month, so we're trying out every plate and seeing how that goes, which is at least $25 cheaper a week. to their credit, dinner tonight was quite good, so we'll see what happens. After dinner we hung out for a bit and then watched the next episode of GP999 for our rewatch, which was the first elimination and of course was very sad and I cried a lot lol. and yeah, after that roommate showered and then I showered, then started getting ready for bed. Just gave kitten her midnight feeding and am now going to head to bed. Goodnight friends. Happy Friday.

#daily journal #July 2022

[missrobinswritings]

what can happen in two years

if you had walked up to me two years ago and told me what life would be like for me today, I'd laugh in your face. two years ago today I was awaiting to see my boyfriend in person, as he lived 300 miles away at the time. if you would have told me that I now work with him, we live together in my parent's house and are moving into our first apartment together with one of my best friends, I think I would have called you nuts.

if you would have told me my mother's leukemia was actually life threatening, that it would get so much worse, I don't think I would have believed you. "No, it's true," you'd say. "She had to start using her walker again. She started using a wheelchair and was put onto oxygen. She had to go to treatments and bloodwork two times a week each. Eventually, it no longer worked." I'd just say they told us it wasn't life threatening. what do you even know?

oh, and while all this is happening you've been in a global pandemic for over a year now. you were stuck in your house for six months. everyone wears masks, including you at work. speaking of work, you are now an assistant manager at a different location.

I'd walk away. but, alas, every word you said would have been true.

#missrobinswritings #fuck cancer #leukemia #covidー19 #truth #apartment #vent #it's midnight and i work at 8 and i am very sad lol

[captnjacksparrow]

So does Kishi officially hate NH and SS? Because I can't help but think like that when I see them in Boruto. Like no way he wants them to be seen as happy or content. Also, it seems like he still hates Sakura because just just look at her, she hasn't really changed. Her dynamic with Sasuke hasn't really changed. She gives chase, Sasuke ignores. Except Sasuke looks more depressed.

Hey, after fifteen years of us chasing after the story and characters we invested in so much, at least give us some indication that they are least happy after sooo many sacrifices, like they deserve that happiness.

But no, if anything, they seem totally miserable. What made Kishi do that? Yes, he can't show them ooc, but Sasuke marrying Sakura is already ooc. Naruto being a bad father is already ooc. Like why go to the extent of showing Sasuke trying not to touch Sakura and pointedly showing that they never kissed? That's just like a determined effort on Kishi's part to show that their marriage is not working. Naruto works way more than any of his predecessors and sleeps in the office or couch so as not to disturb Hinata, when Hinata is specifically designed to accommodate anything that Naruto might require.

Don't get me wrong, I think Boruto is trash. But I am still in interested in SNS in Boruto because that's still canon. Just makes me wonder how Kishi will finally conclude SNS, because their bond still shows clearly in Boruto. Do you think he will kill them any time soon?

Good ask, Anon☺️☺️❤️❤️

Before answering this, I am going to tell you that I don’t watch Boruto. But I know what happened so far, vaguely. Like, Gaiden arc, Karma seal, Kawaki adoption, Kurama’s death, loss of Rinnegan, Time travel arc. Anyways, I might have missed many interactions between Sasuke & Sakura in the filler episodes or other canonical episodes. I would be happy If you send me an episode list or timestamps in where they interact, so that it saves my time instead of me, watching that entire shit show. 

So does Kishi officially hate NH and SS?

In this post, I dissected SS from a non-SNS perspective. It seems Kishi went all out of his way to make their interactions too insincere, blunt and toxic. I mean Sasuke’s absolute lack of interest in her was very evident even until chapter 693. That is right before, their final VoTE fight. And even after Sakura comes to heal their injuries, he just said ‘Ummmm..... I guess Sorry’... 

Kishi could have made Sasuke say some corny shit to Sakura like how he felt bad inside for hurting her, how he missed her, wiping her tears or whatever (Puke!!!! 🤮🤮🤮). Because in the previous chapter, Sasuke basically confessed to Naruto internally about how he felt about Naruto when he was a child. Kishi could have done the same for Sakura in just 4, 5 panels. But anyways, my point is, Kishi’s moment to salvage that ship is chapter 699. 

But he didn’t.

Did Kishi tried to build their bond after marriage?

He definitely could’ve. But he didn’t. 

This shows his clear distaste in SS.

As for NH, Kishi is indifferent. He neither hates them nor loves them. Kishi created Hinata as a pairing fodder and she still is. 

Also, it seems like he still hates Sakura because just just look at her, she hasn't really changed. Her dynamic with Sasuke hasn't really changed. She gives chase, Sasuke ignores. Except Sasuke looks more depressed.

Hmmm, I don’t know whether Sasuke hates her, anon. Again, maybe I’ve missed those parts. But when he looks at her, it’s always filled with regrets and an urge to avoid her (like Itachi avoided Sasuke, but for totally sad and genuine reasons). 

But this again begs the question, ‘Why feeling regret or hesitant even after 12 years?’. 

Believe me anon, Love/Bonds/Understanding can happen at anytime of your life. From where I come from, not everyone marries out of love. Arranged marriages are common. But still, many couples make effort and work out their difference, and find love. Kishi could’ve done the same for SS too. 

Is Sasuke that heartless? No.

He was once a boy who bear hugged his brother every time Itachi comes back from the Academy. Itachi’s presence itself made Sasuke so happy. 

Did he become heartless after the massacre? Also no.

Even after the trauma, Sasuke just became aloof and cold. But he always becomes a child who can pout, be silly, becomes animated, bicker around Naruto. So, he can be lovely, but only around the people he choose by himself. 

Still, Sakura is not that person. So, he looks like he is depressed and wants to escape from her at any given chance because of a certain guilt. 

What made Kishi do that? Yes, he can't show them ooc, but Sasuke marrying Sakura is already ooc. Naruto being a bad father is already ooc. Like why go to the extent of showing Sasuke trying not to touch Sakura and pointedly showing that they never kissed? That's just like a determined effort on Kishi's part to show that their marriage is not working.

To answer, this goes way back, anon. 

Kishi is a person who prefers to write love through intense friendship, sensei-student dynamics and brotherhood. He can occasionally write cute and sweet romance but it can only be short like 2 or 3 pages... or a chapter, max. He can’t go on doing it for 70 chapters for romance. Which was evident from Minato & Kushina, Dan & Tsunade, Obito & Rin. 

But the real deal of Naruto manga is the bond between Naruto and Sasuke. The bond between Itachi and Sasuke also played a huge role in this series. And then comes Hashirama and Madara, Jiraiya and Naruto, Kakshi and Obito, Kakashi and Naruto and many more. So, Kishi pretty much gave an ending he wanted for a long time in chapter 699. He successively pulled off a great manga without corny and shitty romance but with just friendship and brotherhood alone. He didn’t give two shits about NH or SS before chapter 700.

Naruto series’ another success lies on it’s characters tragic backstories. I simply loved them all and most of them made me cry. 

Kishi wanted to move on from Naruto.

But then Money played a big part. Naruto series can be milked in a lot of ways. Editors wanted all the characters to become some baby making dolls. So you have to create pairings. Based on the popularity polls, they decided NH and SS.

In my opinion, Sasuke is a goal-oriented person. He is a wanderer who works on his own accords. Ever since he left Konoha when he was 13, that was his path, so you can’t make him stay in one place. At every stage of his life, he had different goals.

At age 8-15, he had one goal. To kill Itachi. Can he have a romance here? Nope.

At age 16, his goal is to destroy Konoha. No chance of romance in that dark path.

At age 17, he wanted to Revolutionize the shinobi system. Since he wanted to be alone for that goal, no possibility of romance.

At age 18, he adopted Naruto’s dream as his own. To make all shinobi cooperate and look out for Kaguya remains. Romance cannot happen here as he was constantly wandering around and he prefers to work alone.

This is how Kishi designed Sasuke’s character throughout.

Now all of a sudden, if you ask Kishi to go OOC by asking him to write corny romance for his favorite character Sasuke just for the sake of making him relevant to Boruto series, what will he do? 

Since Boruto is a series which is a sequel to Naruto, you pretty much know everyone’s backstory. Those 12 year old New Gen kids possibly can’t have tragic stories like Naruto or Sasuke. 

Kishi being a troller, used this opportunity to create a piss poor sob story for Sarada by making Sasuke as an absentee father and an unloving husband.

He created a sad story for Sarada and he gets to shit on SS ship. Two birds, One stone!!!! 

Now, Sasuke being an unloving husband is OOC ? Nope. He was never a marriage material in the first place. So he is perfectly in-character.

Sasuke being an absentee father is OOC? No and Yes. No, because it’s the effect of the cause I mentioned above. Yes, because unlike Naruto, Sasuke once had a father. He can try to reach her out now and often. but he prefers not to do instead he cares more about Boruto. LOL.

Sasuke being not family oriented is OOC? Nope. He is a goal oriented person. His goal is same as Naruto��s dream. He will go to any extent to fulfill it, even at the expense of his family’s happiness. Because that’s what he learnt from Itachi. What Itachi taught him was, even at the expense of his own happiness and Sasuke’s trauma, he preferred Konoha and Shinobi World’s peace. That’s what Sasuke is doing now. 

Naruto works way more than any of his predecessors and sleeps in the office or couch so as not to disturb Hinata, when Hinata is specifically designed to accommodate anything that Naruto might require.

As for Naruto, 

I think it’s very funny. And I guess, I know why.

Just like Sasuke, Naruto is also a goal oriented person. 

Remember, in that Boruto movie, Sasuke knocks Naruto’s door at the midnight?

Imagine if Naruto opened the door. 

Sasuke will be like, ‘Alright mothafucka!!! I wanted to die in the VoTE itself. You wanted me in your dream world. Am working my ass off for your stupid dreams and trying to reach you without even meeting my own family. And yet here you are, sleeping well and sound. Am just gonna Chidori you!!!’ LOL.

I think you get my point. 

If you make Sasuke to be an hardworker, then Naruto must work even hard to fulfill his dream. So you possibly can’t have Naruto playing duet with Himata or whatever trash. 

So kishi pulled his Two birds, One Stone for NH here!!!

In short, Kishi gets to make his New generation shine through this pathetic sob stories and at the same time, kept his favorite characters without going OOC. 

So, it’s a polite way of Kishi showing middlefinger to SS and NH for making him do this. He is saying, ‘Alright folks, you wanted this all along. But this is what you will get!!!’.

Just makes me wonder how Kishi will finally conclude SNS, because their bond still shows clearly in Boruto. Do you think he will kill them any time soon?

I think about this all the time. How will they end?? How will they die??

Now, don’t think I am some sadist for wanting them to die. I am just being practical and honest here. This is a new generation series. Of course, at some point, Naruto and Sasuke has to die for the sake of character development. And I will be happy if they die because I don’t like their miserable portrayal in Boruto at all. 

Naruto series has a pattern when it comes to death portrayal. Meaningful characters (except Neji) always die protecting someone/something they cherish. Jiraiya died for Naruto, Yahiko died for Konan & Nagato, Itachi died for Sasuke & Konoha, Haku died for Zabuza, Obito (younger) died for Kakashi & Rin and so on.

Ever since Naruto became Hokage, his death is pretty much plastered on his head. He will die protecting Konoha just like all the Hokages from First to Fourth who sacrificed their life for Konoha. 

But Sasuke??? 

I am going to say he will die protecting Naruto or the village. But for Naruto mostly. Either way, Sasuke will die first. 

Dying for Naruto, the reasons are crystal clear. He already died protecting Naruto once in the Zabuza arc. He will never hesitate to do it again. Which was evident from the way he told Naruto in the Boruto movie while giving his Susanoo, ‘If they capture the real you, then everything is gone’. Somewhere in Boruto Manga chapter 38 (I don’t remember properly), Sasuke was yelling at Naruto, ‘If you are gone, it’s pretty hopeless’ and was praying ‘Naruto, don’t you die’. 

So it’s pretty much Sasuke saying to Naruto, ‘I’ll protect you, You protect everyone’

But why the village?? Why will Sasuke die for Konoha which caused him so much pain?? I know anti-konoha stans wont like this, but that’s the reality.

It seems many Sasuke fans never paid attention to his character. After hearing the story from all the Hokages, Sasuke said, ‘I will not let Itachi’s life and this village into nothing’. He really meant it. Because for Sasuke, Itachi was more precious. Itachi died saying, ‘I’ll have protected my village as Uchiha Itachi of Konoha once again. I have no more regrets’. Sasuke wanted to respect his brother’s wish finally and that’s why he openly claimed in the battlefield, ‘I am going to protect Konoha and become it’s Hokage’. Sasuke’s another precious person is Naruto. He is the Hokage now. 

Don’t you think Sasuke will die protecting something Itachi and Naruto values so much??

He even claimed it openly in Boruto Manga. ‘I would die anytime for Konoha, as has your dad (Naruto)’

Sasuke even said to Boruto, “I will stop you even if I have to kill you”. And do you think Sasuke is just pouring out some empty words??? Sasuke will not let Boruto to turn into an Otsutsuki monster and destroy the village.

Like I said, Sasuke will go out first. And eventually Naruto will follow him. Or they both die protecting the village together. I don’t see them dying for their wives or children. Because, their relationship with their family is not too strong and their ambitions are far beyond their own families.

Maybe for this reason, Kishi is trolling NH and SS in Boruto. LOL.

Naruto’s bond with Sasuke was formed even before his birth, when Kushina asked the 3 month old Baby Sasuke to be friends with Naruto.

However, One thing is for sure. One will not live very long without the Other or Both will die together. That’s how their bond should end. 

#naruto analysis #ask #sasuke uchiha #naruto #naruto uzumaki #sasuke

[sendme-2hell]

Ranking the sapphic books I’ve read by how desperately I want there to be more fanfic of them on ao3

This is a joke (also like I don’t read that much fanfic so I don’t know that much)

11. The Locked Tomb

Over 1k fanfics on AO3. Keep it up guys, you’re doing great!

8. The Unbroken, The Midnight Lie, and The Unspoken Name 

These all fit into the category of ‘I am waiting for the next installment and I would like to read fanfic of it’ but I’m not desperate.

7.Crier’s War

There are 16 works on AO3 and I’ve read them all! Hey, enemies to lovers is just a very good trope and I would like to read more of it!

6. A Memory Called Empire/ A Desolation Called Peace 

Wow I actually just looked this up and saw that there are 30 fanfics for this so I should go read them lol. I really want to read mahit/19 don’t judge me and there are actually 5 fanfics about that so...thanks writers

5. Plain Bad Heroines PBH SPOILERS BELOW

Here’s the thing, I think that PBH ended perfectly and it was already quite long, but I was really left wanting to read more scenes with Harper, Merritt, and Audrey and their relationship! They had such an interesting dynamic and I just feel like fanfic writers could write some interesting stuff! 

4. The Space Between Worlds

There were a lot of great things about this book but I have to take a second to appreciate how angsty the main couple’s relationship was. Talk about a misunderstanding! Talk about yearning! So I am very interested in how their relationship would actually work. I’d also like to read a fanfic about everything that went down but from Dell’s perspective. Also let’s talk about how there are alternative versions of both of them out there….I’m just saying there is a LOT to work with here! Also can’t wait for the next book in this series.

3. The Traitor/Monster/Tyrant Baru Cormorant (The Masquerade)

The thing about the 29 fanfics on AO3  is that most of them are rewriting the end of Traitor. I understand the urge to do this but it just makes me more sad!! So I’m gonna say something I usually would not say, because I usually do not like AU’s. I wish there were more AU fanfics! And I mean silly modern AUs. I want to see these bitches in a very normal environment because it would be funny and also the only way I would willingly put myself through more of this series. There should be more of that! Also whoever is writing the masquerade/TLT road trip AU on ao3 no pressure but I am invested! 

2. The Luminous Dead 

Gyre/Em is so messy and borderline unethical and that’s why it slaps. There is a lot to explore there. What happens after the book ends? How could they possibly have a relationship after that? I am a softie so I do want Em to be not like totally evil but there's still a lot there. The 11 fanfics that already exists on AO3 are excellent  and so angsty. 

1. My Brilliant Friend/The Story of A New Name/ Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay/ The Lost Daughter (The Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante) 

LISTEN. I’m sorry. These are my favorite books and I will not shut up about them. And like ok Lenu and Lila are queer. But even just if they are not, their relationship is just endlessly interesting. I would read about it romantically or not! I think there is a lot to write about here. When I started reading this series back in 2018 I thought the TV series would really boost it in the US, but it didn’t seem like that happened. I’m still waiting tho! 

There are 17 works on AO3 but only 5 in English. Which makes perfect sense! But even factoring in the Italian ones there aren’t that many. Maybe I’ll run them through google translate but I don’t think google translate can compare to Ann Goldstein. 

I’m pretty sure I saw a Elena/Lila/Nino fanfic on wattpad when I was searching like a few years ago….so that's certainly something...

#my rankings #truly my biggest shitpost #what compelled me to write this #who knows im bored

[jenivi7]

First Lines Tagging Meme

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE TAGGED IN THIS TWICE!  Thank you @ink-flavored and @clyde-side !! (I almost just did this on my own too because I love babbling about my own fics...)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

Now pinned and under a cut because it became a really long, really good introduction to me and my stories! 

Hello!

Unnecessary and overly wordy introduction/personal musings: I love opening lines so much. When I worked at a bookstore, I used to open books and hardcore judge them on their first lines. I had barely any free time to read at that point so if it didn’t grab me in the first line or two, I put it back. The first Harry Potter book is actually in my pile of really good openers. “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” (Subtle alliteration, HELLO??) So I'm super excited to see if my own first lines come even close to the standards that I apply to other people lol. MY OWN MONEY IS ON NO. I have the feeling that I'm so frantic trying to get the story down on paper before the good words disappear from my head that I'm not actually paying attention to the first line. BUT LET'S SEE, SHALL WE.

So just straight up going backwards, I've written and posted TWO BRAND NEW THINGS after being away from fandom almost entirely for 10+ years! They're drabble length but they're shiny and new! <3 (All available fics are linked!)

1. Tango:

She teaches them to dance so that they can dance with her but when Atem gets that mischievous smirk on his face and pulls Yugi into his arms, their bodies spark and the dance floor smolders at their heels.

(The fic is so short that this is a full 1/5 of it but actually, I think I crammed all the good stuff right into that first line. This already might be my favorite. Like it says there in the line itself, Puzzleshipping.)

2. No Betting:

Anzu sat at the kitchen table writing carefully calculated answers onto sticky notes before attaching them to a fourth-grade math worksheet.

(Peachshipping! This one doesn't pop off until about line five so here's the rest of that bit:)

She had the same arrangement with her spouse as most parents had. When the kids were good they were hers. When they were bad, they were his. And when they were winning at games because they picked up rules with uncanny speed and read their opponents with more insight than ought to be available to a child, they were definitely, definitely his.

3. If you wanted honesty that's all you had to say (working title):

When he realized that the figure sitting under the game shop display window and smoking wasn’t Ryou, the physical body response was as though it had discovered a coiled snake not two feet away.

(This one! It's a NEW half finished(?) WIP. I actually started this one before the drabbles but wanted to finish before posting it. Then it got out of hand, then work got out of hand, then I started a couple more projects and well. I keep putting words on it though and eventually there will be a Kleptoshipper that turns into Puzzle and Tender for your reading enjoyment. Also, fair warning - don't use song lyrics as a working title. Every time I look at the document I get the song stuck in my head.)

Now we have polished up reposts of old stories for their move to AO3, where I'll basically keep my master archive. Not full re-writes but I fixed a bunch of typos and awkward sentences and they're much stronger for it. Most of these are from a pairings contest way back when so LOTS of different pairings and lots of AUs!

4. Human:

It was like a bad noir, the thought crossed both of their minds.

(Scifi AU, Rivalshipping. That one's not bad for a first line. Actually no link at the time of writing cause the re-edit is going up in like, a half hour? an hour? a half day? It's my next project after finishing this, finishing up the edit and posting it on AO3. Now with link!)

5. Blood:

Fingers through midnight black hair, whispers in his ear, touches that sizzled along the skin, awakening nerves and senses. 

(Dungeonshipping, Pegasus x Otogi, vampires AU. Oh that’s a nice first line! <3)

6. Crazy for You:

The keys are too large and too heavy for the doctor more used to more modern facilities but she doesn't say anything, just follows the orderly as he pulls the large door open.

(Manipulashipping, Anzu x Marik, Psychward AU. Still one of my favorites from that era. Big bold warning though, THIS ONE CONTAINS NON-CON)

7. Finality:

“What are you doing here?”

“Saying goodbye.” Bakura’s translucent arms swept across the graveyard. “Is this not an appropriate place for it?”

(First two or so bits of dialogue as the first first is a generic question. You can tell this is one of the really old ones just by that but it's a sweet, sad little Tendershipper that still has a special place in my heart.)

8. Pieces of You:

Glitter caught the light, leaving shimmering trails in the air as it got everywhere.

(Glittershipping, Anzu x Kisara. Another one that's special to me. Kisara is my girl and my first writing muse. <3)

9. Cambodia:

“It was summer of fifty three...”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, it can't have been fifty three. You might be that ancient but I'm not. It must have been sixty three.”

(Jiishipping. Yes. Sugoroku x Arthur. HEY, IT CAME UP IN THE RANDOM DRAW FOR THE SHIPPING CONTEST OK. And my writer's brain hasn't backed down from a challenge yet... Another one that takes 4 lines to pop off but it's a good start. Actually, here's the rest of the bit just because I cannot get enough of these two bickering:)

“What do you mean it must have been sixty three? You don't even know what story I'm trying to tell.”

“Am I in it?”

“What?”

“So you're deaf now as well as daft? AM I IN IT?”

“Of course you're in it, y'old coot. Don't know why I'd tell a story without you in it when both grandkids are sitting here.”

10. Coffee and Cigarettes:

"Cigarettes and coffee? That's not a very healthy lunch." 

Mana crossed her legs and took a refined sip of her own coffee even as her company was not. 

(Mischiefshipping, Mana x Thief King Bakura. Oh this one I'm actually sad that it doesn't immediately sparkle in the first line cause it's one of my absolute favorites of everything I've written. And I think it's the only time I've ever written Mana but I LOVED IT AND HER. Oh no! I lied, I've written her at least one other time though I don't think that one quite captures her sheer chaos energy like this one does.)

11. A Million Missed Chances:

Somewhere along the line, someone made a choice.

(This one. THIS ONE. I think this is by far the most epic idea I've tackled. I still don't know if the sheer scale of the thing came across in the actual fic but in my head it was massive and I remember pounding away at my teeny tiny laptop late at night because the whole thing hit me maybe a day or so before the story was due for the pairings contest. We only had a week to write each fic and my really good ideas never came to me before the very last minute. T.T Conquestshipping, Mai x Valon.)

12. A Fear of Falling:

She drove.

Like she always did when something bothered her.

(Oh the first chapter on this is also one of the really ancient ones. Like one of the very first things I wrote. That first chapter really shows its age and is a little shaky but the others are better and the last one is what fits into the chorological order here. Polarshipping, Jou x Mai. One of my very first ships. Probably THE first actually <3)

13. What Our Creators Make Us:

"Well, well." The match flared, scattering dark shadows until it was blown out and the only light that remained was the red glow from the cigarette end. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

(Psychoshipping, Marik x Spirit of the Ring Bakura. With a bit of Bronze, Angst and Tender in the follow up. Old but I'm ridiculously proud of it, hence it's place in the master archive. Ahaha you can tell how old it is though by how clever I think I am. I thought it was funny to make my audience figure out who was talking and not reveal the characters for a good fourth to third of the fic. Ahhhhhhh. Sorry about past me.)

14. A Revolution of the Spirit:

It wasn't fair.  It just wasn't.

That they were close was understandable (you don't get much closer than sharing headspace) but that even now, after deals were made with gods, endless arguments, compromises and the ultimate guilt trip that he had only been a teenager when he willingly sacrificed himself for all of humanity, things she had only half seen and only partly understood even though they had all been there to witness, that even now Atem continued to invade Yugi's personal space as though he belonged there got on her nerves.

(Woah Nelly! That third sentence should probably be three, four and five. Even if I just split it in half we'd continue the pattern of things popping off in the fourth line. I think that's one pattern that's emerging! A really good bit takes me about four lines to set up and deliver! Oh, the challenge was Revolutionshipping, Anzu x Atem, but the fic is actually Spiritshipping, Anzu x Yugi x Atem.)

So confession time, I haven't been out of fandom completely, I just hadn't written my own standalone stories in a very long time. There are a few (ok ok more than a few) long-running rps that @miss-moberg and I have been adding to on and off over the years. I can't resist throwing in a couple of these.

15. Cafe!

The door shut behind them with the soft click of the latch and the exhale of a breath long held.

(This opening line was from December of 2020 when we rebooted a very old Prideshipper and that is a damn good opening line if I do say so myself. I can definitely see the difference now between the newer works and the older ones. I've gotten better, she's matched me pace for pace and eventually something will be finished, I'll work up the courage to ask permission to post it and the whole internet will get to see how brilliant the two of us are together.)

16. Treasure Hunt!

"Ryou, I think you're going to regret letting me tag along on your adventuring this time."  Yugi didn't bother turning away from the airplane's tiny window to see if his seatmate was paying attention.  He was more thinking out loud with his friend playing the role of a convenient sounding board.  "Because I think this trip is the only thing I'm going to talk about ever again."

(One more from RP because it's got that fun, four line punch that we've discovered is a pattern for me! Opening entry is from 2017.)

Also, in truth, my count is a little off when I say I'd been out of fandom 10+ years. I've been away from YGO for that long but I did spend a brief stint in Homestuck where I read a ton of fanfic, flirted with a couple group RPs and even wrote a tiny bit. 9 years without writing a new fic isn't as impressive as saying ‘over a decade’ but it is a little more accurate.

17. What You Will:

In the land of fair Illyria, along a small, sandy stretch of its rocky shore, a ship has come to ruin and one lone woman lies still as death among broken wood.

(The beginning of a Homestuck/Twelfth Night crossover that I'm still determined to work more on someday. It's only got a single chapter but it's magic though now I'm concerned about not being able to recapture that. Not a bad first line though. The style is so different it took me reading it a couple times before going, oh yeeeeeah, that's pretty good!)

18. Relentless:

You pull him to the deck and then across it by the remains of his shirt. Let him say one last goodbye. His ship pillaged, his crew murdered, his hands bound behind his back and at your mercy.

Funny word, that. Mercy.

(The first line is pretty decent but there's that four line combo again! Five but I could basically fix that with a comma. Featuring the troll ancestors Mindfang and Dualscar because every time Hussey introduced new characters they were instantly my favorite.) 

19. Black:

There is dark and there is dark and there is dark and then there is black. She is black. Licorice and coal. She is hate and resentment and everything that tastes bitter, the kind of black that coats the tongue like oil, drips down the back of the throat and keeps going.

(Oh wow. Am I allowed to say that about my own work? A Terezi/Vriska drabble that I'm putting as much here as I think I can get away with because it's so good that it fucks me up a little going back and reading it.)

And here it gets tricky because I think the more recent of the old, old fics are in the Drabbles and Shorts collection on ff.net and I can't see a post date. So I'll just pick a good one to end on.

20. Two Princes:

It was inevitable as the rising of Ra's chariot after a long night, as the flooding of the river banks every spring, and Atem always knew that Yugi's kiss would be as warm and gentle as the evening breeze in the summer that brought relief from the scorching day. It was.

(How about the final honor going to more Puzzle/Blind? This probably has the strongest first line of its era. Actually I'm not sure when it was written. It was just hanging out in my writing folder and, thinking about it, I probably wrote it when I was fading from fandom the first time around but still trying to hang in there. No wait! That’s too sad, we can’t end on that! Lets add one more to the list for the sake of personal narrative!)

21. Linger:

The world doesn't need him anymore. It doesn't need his sword and it doesn't need his pen.

(A tiny Princess Tutu afterward that I wrote for myself. Nice one-two punch in the opener. Also it rounds out the personal story that accidentally developed here with a line later in the fic, "Words, however, never stray far from a good writer..." Like, wait, stop. Past me, how did you know T.T)

Did that take a sudden emotional turn for anyone else or was that just me. Can I offset that a little with an honorable mention? Let’s do that while I collect myself. Here’s one more.

Honorable mention: Ryou and the Thief

There was a storm gathering and too much magic in the air. Much more than occurred naturally and magic at this level was never a good thing.

(I can’t have a list of things I’ve written without having Ryou and the Thief on it. If you click on this one though, BEWARE, it’s old, it’s silly and it has a ton of explicit gay sex that… would be written very differently if we were handling it today I’m sure! This is the first RP @miss-moberg and I ever did together and our excuse to Gemship and Puzzleship turned into us running the boys through a whole adventure based on the Osiris myth. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever completed and I’d still consider it kind of my legacy.)

And that’s the last 21(+1!) stories that I’ve written! 

The clear winner of best first line for me is 15. Cafe! It’s short, elegant and manages to contain a whole mood even without the context of what’s going on and who’s involved. (Spoilers: It’s Seto and Mokuba making an AU escape from Gozoboro.) Close second is Tango, the most recent story. It’s neat to see just how much better I’ve gotten and also really cool to see that even if the first line itself doesn’t contain a punch, it’s usually because there’s a nice, strong idea being set up and delivered in the first four lines (or so). What a pleasant surprise!

AND WOW, this whole tag thing didn't need to be so long! Or personal! Seriously, if you get this tag from me the challenge is only to list the first lines to 20 stories and maybe try to draw one or two conclusions from them. You all thought I was joking when I said I loved talking about my own writing! But actually, I guess it’s fine like this as I ended up using it as a way to re-introduce myself. Like, "Hey, I used to live here a long time ago and oh my god I love what you've done with the place!" Rather than being someone who's just popped up out of nowhere a few weeks ago to creepily bother all your best of the best creators so....

^///^ Hello!

Thanks for letting me ramble!

Tags! I think I've seen most of the authors I follow do this already but on the off chance you haven't been tagged yet: @elexica (checked your blog to see if you'd already done the tag and saw that you're another person returning to writing fanfiction after 10+ years. Same! Hello!!), @danieco, @draconicmaw, @nedjemetsenen (has someone tagged you already?) and two shots in the dark, @miss-moberg and @edmondia (I'm so sorry you two. T.T Please feel free to block me forever.) And please, anyone else who wants to babble about their own writing! Do this, it was so much fun. <3

#ygo #yu-gi-oh #yugioh #yugioh fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #jenific #so many ships #so many characters like woah #not half bad for a retrospective if i do say so myself #thank you for coming to my ted talk #tag game #first lines tag

[catkid2012]

12/31/21 8:01am

2021 was the year of  maturity . Starting 2022 my gig at Pepsi .

Pepsi Background: I started Pepsi 11/15/21 I have had 3 holidays . Got off 12/25/21 at 3:43am . wild Started 12/25/21 at Pepsi . I’m almost at my 60 days at Pepsi . 1/15/21 I be officially officially Pepsi employee in the union . I haven’t missed a day . Working hours like 9pm to 10:30am 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 what the fuck . I don’t even have kids lol . It’s not all Good But it ain’t All Bad .

Back to the topic : Overall I’m going in 4 hours early with the idea of being off before Midnight.

Just typing at this point . 8:11am . Oh . I deleted all my social medias in October. A lot went into . I also do it but get back on . This time it was no going back on . Deleted it . Got on a FULLBEAUTY had Interview same day as Pepsi. This year I took a step and really sacrificed and it’s working out . It’s a very sad and happy process . People I don’t see . People I don’t talk too . It’s all cause I been sober per say just weed and beer . I was a functioning drug addicted 2017 to 2020 . I can realize that now . To summarize that . High life = a lot of bs . Me just highs having on drug relationships. It’s it like wait when it’s no drugs why am I here lol . I realized I don’t like doing shit if I ain’t high but I don’t need to be high . I be locked in on myself . No drugs and no social media ( no one is on tumblr. Just my cousin 🤣) forces me to literally be in reality. The pass 3 months I wake and it’s only my life . Only things I see and do . Only people I only have one chance to speak to cause I never see them again . I’m not waking up looking at other people life’s anymore . It’s be very peaceful yet so much rage . Oxymoron.yet sad *pass future lie to me . * re sparks blunt . Me working tonight is me breaking a glass ceiling. It be the most grown thing I ever did . My 18 year plus life all my New Years I been some where drunk and having sex . Expect the dark year (the 100 ) the xan New Years is the dark year . Sheeshhhhhhhhhh. Moving on . 27 years now . So math times. 8 newt years all started me fucked up with people I don’t even see or speak too . The dark year happened for what . But in the moment it all had to happen . 2 of the years had a gf but didn’t start either New Years with her . Lmfao . That’s sick to look back on . I see now why that didn’t work out but it was me. Any way . This is me breaking an 8 year cycle . Working to start the year off sets the tone . I’m proud of myself . This has all be very hard . It’s hard for me to do grown things . Still switching my mind off drugs . If I don’t go to work I be some where lit . I be like it’s okay not to get lit today . Gym returning soon . Self love self love self love self . A lot of pray too . Thank God For your grace and mercy. Amen I’m out . 8:27am

#drug recovery

[hoodharlow]

How is Easter being celebrated in the hood household 🥺

Sorry this was three days late, kinda like Jesus lol, but um I hope you enjoy

Calum woke up confused. Claudia wasn’t in bed. How can she not be tired after what they did last night? 

He picked up his sweats from the previous night. After brushing his teeth, he went downstairs to look for her. He spotted her in their kitchen dressed in his USC tank top she gave him for Christmas that she ended up stealing. She was diligently decorating cookies. 

“Morning” He said, walking up to her and pecking her lips. 

“Hi,” she replied, going back to her cookies. Her hands were tired. She woke up at the crack of dawn to make desserts. Luckily, she was decorating her last batch cookies. Their island was filled with trays of desserts.

Ever since they started dating, they always spent Easter with her parents, but this year they were in Texas because her sister in law gave birth a few weeks ago. Cal's own parents were spending the holiday in Scotland with his dad’s family. Therefore, they decided to host Easter at their house with the boys and their families. 

Claudia and Calum have been together for about 8 years. They formally met back in 2018 when him and the boys stopped by a college radio station where she worked. But it wasn’t until a few months after that they started dating. 

After making coffee, Calum busied himself with breakfast by whisking the batter for waffles. He sprayed the waffle maker and added the batter. While that cooked, he started on a berry coulis, a recipe he picked from watching baking shows with Claudia. 

Duke wandered into the kitchen after smelling the waffles. Calum was taken back when he saw him in a bunny costume. It was those that looked like the bunny was walking on two legs and holding a carrot. He looked at Claudia, who was trying not to laugh, and back tp Duke. 

“He let you put it on him?” Calum asked her.

“Obviously.” Claudia said. She got up from her stool and went to the pantry for the goodie bags. 

It took everything in Cal, not to make a joke about her limping, but he stayed silent and watched her place a cookie decorated onto each goodie bag. 

They were the only couple of the band that didn’t have kids. Between Claudia getting her Master’s and finding a stable teaching job and the boys’ music career, they had decided to wait it out. Now that they had settled down, they began trying.

That was two years ago.

After 18 months of trying and not getting any results, they gave up and started looking for different options. Claudia spent months in a rut. Sometimes she felt left out that she was the only one that didn’t have kids. Especially when her and Calum visited her family. At first she didn’t mind it, but after 8 years of hearing her tias saying que “Ya que tengan uno, si no se van a casar” it got annoying. 

Calum poked his head from the fridge and looked at her. “Where’s the whipped cream?” 

“Here,” she said, handing him a bowl from her decorating station. “I had to make more because someone used it up last night. You know, I was planning on not washing my hair, but I had to wash it this morning.” 

“You weren’t complaining when I was licking it off you here,” He started kissing the love bites he left her down her neck. He pulled her tank top down, exposing her breasts. He playfully nipped them, “and here.”

“Cal,” Claudia groaned. She melted against his touches.

“Guess I'm having my favorite meal for breakfast.” He smiled, pushing her down on the counter. 

***

“You said you weren’t going to mark me up!” Claudia chided. She inspected the new hickies Calum left her. It took her ages to cover the ones he gave her last night.

“Sorry,” He said, sheepishly. 

Calum had not so subtly pulled her into one of the guest bathrooms. Luckily after years of visiting Calum while he was on tour, Claudia learnt how to be quiet. 

In reality Calum had brought her in to check on her. After Ash and Kay announced they were expecting their 4th kid, Calum noticed Claudia looked a bit sad. He knew how much having a kid meant to her. They've gone to fertility specialists in both their native countries and then some, but they all told them  they're both fertile and healthy enough to have kids. This only frustrated Claudia more. There have been instances where they both let their frustrations get the best of them and just blow things out of the water.

"You're lucky that I have another week off school." Claudia said.

"You know how I get when you wear dresses with slits." Calum defended himself. He slid his hand through the slit of her dress and gave her ass a rough squeeze. "I like the easy access."

"I'm done with you." She pushed his hand out and fixed her dress. She had smoothed it out earlier, but now it was wrinkled where Calum bunched it up. 

"You love me for it."

"I guess."

There was a knock in the door. 

"Are you rabbits done? Ashlyn has to pee," Ashton said through the door.

"Wait." Calum semi yelled. He turned to Claudia "Are you good? With them having another kid and all."

"Yeah," She smiled. Calum knew that smile. It was the same one she makes when her family asks her too many questions or makes rude jokes to her, but Calum knew not to push right now.

"All yours," Calum said to Ashton and Ashlyn when they walked out. The little girl pushed past them and closed the door. 

"You two couldn't have waited until we all left?" Ashton asked them.

"No, have you seen this ass?" Claudia asked, grabbing a handful of Calum's ass.

"Oi," Calum jumped back.

"You love it. I gotta go check on the pizzas the kids made.” Claudia said, leaving them. Calum watched her walk away. 

“So when are you going to ask her?” Ashton asked.

“Later when we do the egg hunt.” Calum said. He was nervous as fuck. Yesterday he facetimed Mali freaking out about what Claudia might say, but Mali set him straight and reassured him that Claudia really loved him. He then called her dad and told him how he was going to propose to her. Her dad laughed at how cheesy it was, but deep down he liked the concept. 

***

Calum was playing with Luke’s daughter when he spotted Claudia carrying a tray of drinks. The image brought Calum back to the first time he saw her. 

It was well over 10 years ago. They were touring with One Direction. After sound check for their San Diego show, Calum and Luke stopped by a Mexican restaurant, her parents’, to pick up some food. A few fans had followed them without their knowledge. He still remembers how she scolded the fans for disrupting the peace and taking up space for actual customers. Luke then called one of their body guards to come pick them up. 

Calum tried talking to her while they waited, but she just brushed him off. In reality, she was upset because she got caught trying to go see One Direction. She had told her parents that she was going to a weekend church retreat, but her twin brother read her messages and told their parents. As a punishment, she had to work at the restaurant to pay off the ticket. 

She didn’t realize they were Luke and Calum from 5 Seconds of Summer until the next day when Calum volunteered to pick up their breakfast burritos before driving back to LA. She profusely apologized to him about her bad attitude. As an apology, she gave him chips and salsa on the house. Back then Claudia’s flirting skills were at an all time high and she managed to get a picture with him. It was a poorly lit polaroid where her braces took over, lighting wise, and was inside Calum’s phone screen.

Since then, whenever they have a show in San Diego, the boys would always stop by the restaurant in hopes that Calum sees her. The first time Claudia wasn’t there was in 2018 because she had transferred to Cal State Long Beach. Who would've thought that they were going to run into each other days later when the boys were promoting their album at the radio for the university.

“Daddy, my egg has a ring.” Ashlyn announced from across the yard, making Calum choke on his drink. 

The whole yard became silent. The boys knew what Calum had planned out, but it was not going according to plan. Claudia turned to look at Calum who was patting his pants like his life depended on it.

“Shit,” Calum cursed. 

“Uh, oh, uncle Cal said a no-no word.” One of Michael’s kids yelled. 

“Ashlyn can I see that?” Ashton asked, going up to her. He bent down to where she was and discreetly swapped her egg with one exactly like it but was filled with candy. When he opened it, he showed her. “I think we need to get your eyes checked. This is candy?”

“No way! Maybe it’s a magic egg!” The little girl gasped. She snatched the egg and went back to her siblings and the other kids to show off her magic egg.

“Lose this?” Ashton got up and passed the egg to Calum. 

“I owe you.” Calum said. 

Claudia stayed frozen, very confused on what just happened. Even more confused when Calum walked up to her.

“Hi.”

“Hey?” She said, unsure of what was going to happen.

“So, this isn’t going how I planned, and I completely forgot this whole speech I was going to say. But, um, do you wanna marry me? I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you the second you told me to fuck off at your dad’s restaurant all those years ago.” 

Claudia nodded as tears streamed down her cheeks. She threw herself onto Calum’s arms. She looked up at Cal, who’s eyes brimmed with tears, and kissed him.  

“I love you.” She hiccuped.

“I love you.” Calum repeated. His hands were shaking when he tried putting the ring on her finger. Once he got it on, he picked her up in his arms. “She said yes!” 

All the adults cheered. The kids were in their own little world stuffing themselves with candy. 

***

By the time Claudia and Calum got settled in bed it was well over 1 am. Right after he proposed, they facetimed her parents, where more tears were shared. Her dad nodded and looked away. It was the same face he made on her quinceañera during the father-daughter dance. Around midnight, they facetimed Cal’s parents telling them the news. Joy joked that it was about time Calum proposed.

Calum watched Claudia. She was pretty quiet after the whole proposal thing. There was something on her mind.

“Hey, are you cool with the whole us getting married?” Calum asked her. 

“I mean, yeah… but are you? You really wanna marry someone that potentially can’t give you a child? You should be with someone that can give you the family you—”

“No, I want to be with you because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Why? Because you’re my family. I want you. We’ll figure that out later—”

“But I’m about to turn 28. Once I hit my 30’s we’re going to struggle even more. I just don’t want you to waste time on me when you can be with someone that can give you what you want.”

“I want you, Claudia. I would be wasting my time with someone else because they’re not you. This is where I want to be. With you.” Calum pulled Claudia to his lap. 

“You mean it?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“Yes,” he held out his pinky out, a habit he picked from her. She wrapped hers around his. Calum wiped the tears off her eyes. “Now may I please kiss my fiancé properly?”

“Yes,” she smiled. 

Before Calum could do anything, Claudia pulled his neck to her and kissed him. In a matter of seconds, their kiss grew heated. Calum pushed her down and showed her how he made love to his fiance.

***

5 Years Later

“Calum, ya deja Aiden.” Claudia scolded her husband, in a full on bunny costume. 

She watched him chase their 4 year old down so they could get a picture with all of their nieces and nephews, and the boys’ kids. Ever since he proposed, they hosted Easter at their place where everyone is invited. 

Aiden ran behind her legs, hiding from Calum. Claudia felt his arms wrap around her legs. She picked him up and walked over to Calum. She pulled the bunny head off him. 

“Ves, it’s just your dumb papi.” She told her son.

Calum reached over to him, and Aiden hesitantly went to him. That was when Calum took notice of the dress Claudia was wearing. It was the same one she wore a few years back when he proposed. He hasn’t seen her in it a long time. Nonetheless she still looked breathtaking as ever. 

After pictures, they started the egg hunt. Calum took advantage of the commotion and snuck into their room with Claudia. They barely made it to the room when Calum kicked off the rest of his costume and pulled down the top part of her dress, exposing her breasts, and had her leg wrapped around his waist.

“Cal,” she managed to say when Calum teased her entrance.

“What? I missed this dress.” He groaned as he slightly shoved himself in. “I like the easy access.”

Sorry this was three days late, kinda like Jesus lol, but um I hope you enjoy

Calum woke up confused. Claudia wasn’t in bed. How can she not be tired after what they did last night? 

He picked up his sweats from the previous night. After brushing his teeth, he went downstairs to look for her. He spotted her in their kitchen dressed in his USC tank top she gave him for Christmas that she ended up stealing. She was diligently decorating cookies. 

“Morning” He said, walking up to her and pecking her lips. 

“Hi,” she replied, going back to her cookies. Her hands were tired. She woke up at the crack of dawn to make desserts. Luckily, she was decorating her last batch cookies. Their island was filled with trays of desserts.

Ever since they started dating, they always spent Easter with her parents, but this year they were in Texas because her sister in law gave birth a few weeks ago. Cal's own parents were spending the holiday in Scotland with his dad’s family. Therefore, they decided to host Easter at their house with the boys and their families. 

Claudia and Calum have been together for about 8 years. They formally met back in 2018 when him and the boys stopped by a college radio station where she worked. But it wasn’t until a few months after that they started dating. 

After making coffee, Calum busied himself with breakfast by whisking the batter for waffles. He sprayed the waffle maker and added the batter. While that cooked, he started on a berry coulis, a recipe he picked from watching baking shows with Claudia. 

Duke wandered into the kitchen after smelling the waffles. Calum was taken back when he saw him in a bunny costume. It was those that looked like the bunny was walking on two legs and holding a carrot. He looked at Claudia, who was trying not to laugh, and back tp Duke. 

“He let you put it on him?” Calum asked her.

“Obviously.” Claudia said. She got up from her stool and went to the pantry for the goodie bags. 

It took everything in Cal, not to make a joke about her limping, but he stayed silent and watched her place a cookie decorated onto each goodie bag. 

They were the only couple of the band that didn’t have kids. Between Claudia getting her Master’s and finding a stable teaching job and the boys’ music career, they had decided to wait it out. Now that they had settled down, they began trying.

That was two years ago.

After 18 months of trying and not getting any results, they gave up and started looking for different options. Claudia spent months in a rut. Sometimes she felt left out that she was the only one that didn’t have kids. Especially when her and Calum visited her family. At first she didn’t mind it, but after 8 years of hearing her tias saying que “Ya que tengan uno, si no se van a casar” it got annoying. 

Calum poked his head from the fridge and looked at her. “Where’s the whipped cream?” 

“Here,” she said, handing him a bowl from her decorating station. “I had to make more because someone used it up last night. You know, I was planning on not washing my hair, but I had to wash it this morning.” 

“You weren’t complaining when I was licking it off you here,” He started kissing the love bites he left her down her neck. He pulled her tank top down, exposing her breasts. He playfully nipped them, “and here.”

“Cal,” Claudia groaned. She melted against his touches.

“Guess I'm having my favorite meal for breakfast.” He smiled, pushing her down on the counter. 

***

“You said you weren’t going to mark me up!” Claudia chided. She inspected the new hickies Calum left her. It took her ages to cover the ones he gave her last night.

“Sorry,” He said, sheepishly. 

Calum had not so subtly pulled her into one of the guest bathrooms. Luckily after years of visiting Calum while he was on tour, Claudia learnt how to be quiet. 

In reality Calum had brought her in to check on her. After Ash and Kay announced they were expecting their 4th kid, Calum noticed Claudia looked a bit sad. He knew how much having a kid meant to her. They've gone to fertility specialists in both their native countries and then some, but they all told them  they're both fertile and healthy enough to have kids. This only frustrated Claudia more. There have been instances where they both let their frustrations get the best of them and just blow things out of the water.

"You're lucky that I have another week off school." Claudia said.

"You know how I get when you wear dresses with slits." Calum defended himself. He slid his hand through the slit of her dress and gave her ass a rough squeeze. "I like the easy access."

"I'm done with you." She pushed his hand out and fixed her dress. She had smoothed it out earlier, but now it was wrinkled where Calum bunched it up. 

"You love me for it."

"I guess."

There was a knock in the door. 

"Are you rabbits done? Ashlyn has to pee," Ashton said through the door.

"Wait." Calum semi yelled. He turned to Claudia "Are you good? With them having another kid and all."

"Yeah," She smiled. Calum knew that smile. It was the same one she makes when her family asks her too many questions or makes rude jokes to her, but Calum knew not to push right now.

"All yours," Calum said to Ashton and Ashlyn when they walked out. The little girl pushed past them and closed the door. 

"You two couldn't have waited until we all left?" Ashton asked them.

"No, have you seen this ass?" Claudia asked, grabbing a handful of Calum's ass.

"Oi," Calum jumped back.

"You love it. I gotta go check on the pizzas the kids made.” Claudia said, leaving them. Calum watched her walk away. 

“So when are you going to ask her?” Ashton asked.

“Later when we do the egg hunt.” Calum said. He was nervous as fuck. Yesterday he facetimed Mali freaking out about what Claudia might say, but Mali set him straight and reassured him that Claudia really loved him. He then called her dad and told him how he was going to propose to her. Her dad laughed at how cheesy it was, but deep down he liked the concept. 

***

Calum was playing with Luke’s daughter when he spotted Claudia carrying a tray of drinks. The image brought Calum back to the first time he saw her. 

It was well over 10 years ago. They were touring with One Direction. After sound check for their San Diego show, Calum and Luke stopped by a Mexican restaurant, her parents’, to pick up some food. A few fans had followed them without their knowledge. He still remembers how she scolded the fans for disrupting the peace and taking up space for actual customers. Luke then called one of their body guards to come pick them up. 

Calum tried talking to her while they waited, but she just brushed him off. In reality, she was upset because she got caught trying to go see One Direction. She had told her parents that she was going to a weekend church retreat, but her twin brother read her messages and told their parents. As a punishment, she had to work at the restaurant to pay off the ticket. 

She didn’t realize they were Luke and Calum from 5 Seconds of Summer until the next day when Calum volunteered to pick up their breakfast burritos before driving back to LA. She profusely apologized to him about her bad attitude. As an apology, she gave him chips and salsa on the house. Back then Claudia’s flirting skills were at an all time high and she managed to get a picture with him. It was a poorly lit polaroid where her braces took over, lighting wise, and was inside Calum’s phone screen.

Since then, whenever they have a show in San Diego, the boys would always stop by the restaurant in hopes that Calum sees her. The first time Claudia wasn’t there was in 2018 because she had transferred to Cal State Long Beach. Who would've thought that they were going to run into each other days later when the boys were promoting their album at the radio for the university.

“Daddy, my egg has a ring.” Ashlyn announced from across the yard, making Calum choke on his drink. 

The whole yard became silent. The boys knew what Calum had planned out, but it was not going according to plan. Claudia turned to look at Calum who was patting his pants like his life depended on it.

“Shit,” Calum cursed. 

“Uh, oh, uncle Cal said a no-no word.” One of Michael’s kids yelled. 

“Ashlyn can I see that?” Ashton asked, going up to her. He bent down to where she was and discreetly swapped her egg with one exactly like it but was filled with candy. When he opened it, he showed her. “I think we need to get your eyes checked. This is candy?”

“No way! Maybe it’s a magic egg!” The little girl gasped. She snatched the egg and went back to her siblings and the other kids to show off her magic egg.

“Lose this?” Ashton got up and passed the egg to Calum. 

“I owe you.” Calum said. 

Claudia stayed frozen, very confused on what just happened. Even more confused when Calum walked up to her.

“Hi.”

“Hey?” She said, unsure of what was going to happen.

“So, this isn’t going how I planned, and I completely forgot this whole speech I was going to say. But, um, do you wanna marry me? I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you the second you told me to fuck off at your dad’s restaurant all those years ago.” 

Claudia nodded as tears streamed down her cheeks. She threw herself onto Calum’s arms. She looked up at Cal, who’s eyes brimmed with tears, and kissed him.  

“I love you.” She hiccuped.

“I love you.” Calum repeated. His hands were shaking when he tried putting the ring on her finger. Once he got it on, he picked her up in his arms. “She said yes!” 

All the adults cheered. The kids were in their own little world stuffing themselves with candy. 

***

By the time Claudia and Calum got settled in bed it was well over 1 am. Right after he proposed, they facetimed her parents, where more tears were shared. Her dad nodded and looked away. It was the same face he made on her quinceañera during the father-daughter dance. Around midnight, they facetimed Cal’s parents telling them the news. Joy joked that it was about time Calum proposed.

Calum watched Claudia. She was pretty quiet after the whole proposal thing. There was something on her mind.

“Hey, are you cool with the whole us getting married?” Calum asked her. 

“I mean, yeah… but are you? You really wanna marry someone that potentially can’t give you a child? You should be with someone that can give you the family you—”

“No, I want to be with you because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Why? Because you’re my family. I want you. We’ll figure that out later—”

“But I’m about to turn 28. Once I hit my 30’s we’re going to struggle even more. I just don’t want you to waste time on me when you can be with someone that can give you what you want.”

“I want you, Claudia. I would be wasting my time with someone else because they’re not you. This is where I want to be. With you.” Calum pulled Claudia to his lap. 

“You mean it?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“Yes,” he held out his pinky out, a habit he picked from her. She wrapped hers around his. Calum wiped the tears off her eyes. “Now may I please kiss my fiancé properly?”

“Yes,” she smiled. 

Before Calum could do anything, Claudia pulled his neck to her and kissed him. In a matter of seconds, their kiss grew heated. Calum pushed her down and showed her how he made love to his fiance.

*** Three Years Later***

“Calum, ya deja Aiden.” Claudia scolded her husband, in a full on bunny costume. 

She watched him chase their almost 3 year old down so they could get a picture with all of their nieces and nephews, and the boys’ kids. Ever since he proposed, they hosted Easter at their place where everyone is invited. 

Aiden ran behind her legs, hiding from Calum. Claudia felt his arms wrap around her legs. She picked him up and walked over to Calum. She pulled the bunny head off him. 

“Ves, es el cabezon de tu papi.” She told her son.

Calum reached over to him, and Aiden hesitantly went to him. That was when Calum took notice of the dress Claudia was wearing. It was the same one she wore a few years back when he proposed. He hasn’t seen her in it a long time. Nonetheless she still looked breathtaking as ever. 

After pictures, they started the egg hunt. Calum took advantage of the commotion and snuck into their room with Claudia. They barely made it to the room when Calum kicked off the rest of his costume and pulled down the top part of her dress, exposing her breasts, and had her leg wrapped around his waist.

“Cal,” she managed to say when Calum teased her entrance.

“What? I missed this dress.” He groaned as he slightly shoved himself in. “I like the easy access.”

#calum hood ask #calum hood request #requested #calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood blurb #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fanfiction

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020

I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)

Date: Jun 14th, 2019

Time: ~ 1:30 h

My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.

#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 28th, 2019

Time: ~ 1 h

Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.

#3: Krone's birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th, 2019

Time: 15 mins

I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.

#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward

Date: Oct 4th, 2019

Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)

Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.

#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 11th, 2019

Time: 29 mins

I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back

#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 17th, 2019

Time: 2:09 h

Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.

#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone

Date: Dec 13th, 2019

Time: 57 mins

Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.

#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home

Date: Mar 9th, 2020

Time: 3:45 h

I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT

#9: Norman's birthday edit

Date: Mar 21st, 2020

Time: 1:04 h

This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.

#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 6th, 2020

Time: 2:11 h

I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.

(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 29th, 2019

Complessive time: 2:57+ h

The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!

#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 20th, 2019

Complessive time: 7:12+ hours

This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)

#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 12th, 2020

Complessive time: 6:53+ h

I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.

#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother

Date: May 22nd, 2020

Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)

Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.

#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House

Date: Jun 9th, 2020

Complessive time: 1:59+ h

I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.

Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 13th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)

A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.

Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles

Date: Dec 11th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:14+ h

That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.

Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation

Date: Jun 6th, 2020

Complessive time: 4:16+ h

I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.

Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.

Top 5 long posts:

#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms

Date: Aug 28th, 2019

I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.

#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime

Date: Sep 10th, 2019

I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.

#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons

Date: Oct 27th, 2019

I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.

#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)

Date: May 7th, 2020

It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍)”

#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself

Date: Jun 13th, 2020

Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.

Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars

Date: Feb 9th, 2020

Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!

Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes

Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!

#This was supposed to be posted on July 13th as one year and one month since I made the blog #but Tumblr decided to be a jerk and deleted all of it 😊 #So here we are #tpn #tpn manga spoilers #long post #Again this is just a personal report don't stress over reading all of it #But it was fun to make! #To the people I tagged: sorry for tagging you in this long post but also it would have felt weird not to do so? I hope you don't mind #It felt like... Giving credits foe something you've done y'know

[letsperaltiago]

a calm surrender to the rush of day

Jake’s had a few too many beers when he’s sent back home to Amy and his still relatively new son. It’s all good and cute, promise. Peak domestic Peraltiago. This oneshot is based on a prompt on this list.

#98: "I think we should have another"

Read on AO3 here

Amy was fast asleep in their bedroom when the sudden sound of the front door lock clicking and shifting followed by a half-hearted slam jolted her awake. For a very brief second, with her heart galloping in her chest as a result of the shock, Amy was utterly disoriented and the uneasy feeling was definitely not peculiar when you happened to live in a city that was ranked way too high on the Top 10 Most Dangerous Cities in America – a club she did not particularly enjoy being a part of. Although, as fast as it had encased her body to begin with, the shock quickly wore off the second she heard shifting and rumbling paired with a “shit” coming from what she figured out must’ve been the living room.

Jake, she realized, suddenly remembering why he wasn’t currently beside her in bed but rather out with some friends from the academy – or, at least, was.

In an attempt to put the final puzzle pieces in place she leaned over to grab her phone wondering how long he’d out and about for. The time revealed itself across her lock screen picture of Jake, fast asleep on their couch a few days after their son’s arrival with said son resting beneath his hands and on his chest. 3:11 AM – no wonder why she could barely keep her eyes open. There was a second of wondering if she should just turn over, go back to sleep and let Jake come join her whenever he was ready, but something else on the screen caught her eye before she could ultimately decide on doing so: 3 texts from Rosa with the last being from around 30 minutes prior.

Rosa Diaz – 12:39 PM Dude, Jake is horrible. He won’t shut up about you and the baby and for some reason the other guys from the academy seem to be eating it up. I hate it. What have you done to him?

Rosa Diaz – 1:56 AM Nvm. I take it back. He just paid a second round of beers to celebrate, and I quote, “His miracle baby”. Please get pregnant more. Means more free booze.

Rosa Diaz – 2:47 AM Def spoke too soon. He just threw up at my feet. We’re waiting outside the bar for his cab. I’m sending him home to you. Texts me when he gets there. Also: good luck lol. He’s stupid drunk.

Almost as if Jake had read the text as well, as to emphasize its point, Amy could hear him stumble into the bathroom across the hall to, what she chose to believe, grab his toothbrush but instead knocking over the glass holding it generating a loud commotion which tore throughout the entire apartment.

Amy’s head immediately as per instinct shot in the direction of her 3-month old’s crib, which stood against the wall on her side just a few feet away. Apart from the limited amount of Catholic traditions she’d grown up with living with her parents she wasn’t particularly religious, but right then and there she internally prayed that her son, who she’d spent an hour getting back to sleep just 3 hours ago, wasn’t woken up by her father’s drunken circus. She held her breath as a few, way too long seconds went by: no cry. Amy’s chest dropped in relief.

Moments like these were tiny victories that she as a brand new first-time mom held onto for dear life. In general, though she had nothing to compare to, her little boy wasn’t a particularly difficult baby but the past few days had been a bit rough on the little family: rough to the point where Amy had to push Jake out the door earlier that evening because he didn’t want to leave her behind with a fussy baby. But, more than ever before, Amy was confident, telling him it would be a waste for him to stay home and miss out on some fun; he should go out and she’d be fine. He’d ended up going. Although it was borderline against his will with half-worried eyes that Jake had crossed the threshold to exit their apartment, while repeating over and over again that she could and should call him if things turned out to be too much: he’d grab the first cab he saw back home.

Amy loved this considerate and worried side of Jake but it also turned out to be quiet unnecessary that night. Besides the hour from hell of fussiness at midnight, the evening alone with her son had gone by pretty smoothly – she’d actually made quite an enjoyable experience out of it. First of all, right after he’d had left, Amy ate the dinner Jake had prepared for her in advance on the couch with Flynn lying next to her in his little nest, talking and admiring his small sounds and smiles. God, she loved him so much and there was no TV-show or movie in the world that could beat the incredible sight of her son clumsily waving around his tiny legs and arms in his green pajama-onesie. Then, after bathing and changing him, she’d fed him to make sure he was completely ready for bed and by 8 PM she was silently smiling down at, admiring, her very own tiny sleeping human as he dozed off in his crib. Losing track of time was incredibly easy these days, both from the lack of sleep but also the huge amount of love for said little human, but after making sure (for the 32nd time) that Flynn was well asleep Amy had, trusty baby monitor in hand, retreated to the living room. There, with a tiny glass of white wine in hand, she’d managed to finish today’s The Times’ crossword puzzle - something Flynn had interrupted a couple of times that day – before she’d felt an inevitable wave of tiredness creep up on her. Once ready, having gone through her own routine plus checking up on the, to her pride and joy, still sleeping baby, Amy went to bed where she’d slept peacefully until her son had claimed her attention a few hours later. So even though Jake was her favorite person to hang out with, her evening had been great and, all in all, she wouldn’t mind doing it again  

Now here she was once again awake although this time it was not her baby causing the distraction from sleeping but rather her apparently very drunk husband stumbling around the bathroom. The fact that he hadn’t been loud enough to wake up their son had probably (for sure) helped, but also, Amy couldn’t be mad at Jake when she’d been the one to basically force him to go out and have fun. So, after giving up on falling back asleep figuring it’d be hopeless with Jake stumbling around the apartment, she instead took matters into her own hands and made her way to the bathroom. Here, to her amusement, the sight of her rather nicely dressed husband, unruly curls spilling onto his forehead, was barely able to stay awake and standing upright while brushing his teeth.

“Hey there,” she leaned her hip against the door frame before crossing her arms in front of her chest adding to it a teasing smile.

“Oh god!” from the way he almost choked on his tooth brush, Jake was obviously startled by her sudden appearance but quickly avoided choking with a sad attempt at smooth recovery by clumsily spitting the toothpaste into the sink getting it all over his lips in the process.  “I’m szo szo szorry,” the words tumbled from his mouth much like she imagined he’d tripped and fallen over various furniture and items on his way into the apartment just a few moments ago. “Dridn’t mean tro wake you.”

“Well…” she shrugged nonchalantly not really minding mostly because drunk Jake was a hilarious mess she’d missed during their pregnancy, but also partly because she knew he’d be paying the painful price in the morning. “You did.”

Immediately, as if he was a puppy whose tail had just accidentally been stepped on, Jake’s previously insouciant demeanor switched into a intoxicated version of his famous worried frown. Though the second she could tell panic was forming in his drunkenly fatigued eyes, she was quick to step in and avoid guilting him.

“But it’s okay,” her tired but nonetheless somehow always warm eyes worked their best to comfort him, hip nudging her off the doorframe and into a short journey to where her husband had shifted into a leaning position with his back against the sink, toothbrush desperately hanging from the left side of his mouth. His eyes, though dazed and barely able to stay open, followed her every move towards him closely but he was still startled when she’d come close enough for him to feel her breath on him and had sassily snagged the dangling toothbrush out of his mouth (careful to not hurt him in the process, of course).  

“As long as you don’t wake up your son,” she raised an eyebrow daringly only to be met by a shocked expression that told her he still wasn’t entirely over that bold toothbrush-move of hers, and was just barely managing to listen to what she was saying solely because of the mention of Flynn. He knew that the baby was an angel (duh, he was his and Amy’s creation) yet Jake was also very much in touch with reality which was that said son also hadn’t managed to sleep through the night yet (which according to his go-to parenting book Cry Hard was normal). Therefor even drunk Jake also knew that every second his son was asleep was to be handled as carefully as you would a bomb, and the mention of him possibly waking him up was enough to sober him up – or at the very least have him feel like it for a second.

“Luckily,” Amy proceeded, placing her hands on his chest before sliding them up to rest on his shoulders, “you didn’t.”

Paired with a heavy sigh, as if he’d been holding his breath in suspense, she instantly felt his shoulders drop in relief. Needless to say that Amy loved the way her husband cared greatly about his new father-role. Sometimes to the point where Jake, very unnecessarily, would push himself down an endless rabbit hole of doubt, where he, Amy had come to find out relatively early on, could only be calmed down by her ordering him to go lie down and so she could place tiny Flynn on his (incredible) father’s chest. Only then, with his son looking up at him with curious brown eyes or even just being fast asleep, Jake could feel his heart rate slow down significantly and the anxiety fade. His son was here on his chest, tiny heartbeat against his big one and they were both okay. It was love and that was all that mattered.

So yes, Jake’s father-role was very important to both him and her, but for tonight, Amy quickly decided, Jake was allowed to be just drunk-Jake. She had no problem taking full responsibility for Flynn-duty that night, and, even though neither of them kept scores or cared about the unspoken tally, she also knew Jake would make it up to her another night.

“So Flynni iz ztill azleep?” Jake whispered loudly not actually managing to control his voice as intended. His sluggish, wondering eyes reminded Amy of the look on her milk-drunk 3-month old’s face right after a feeding which made it even more obvious that Flynn Peralta was very much her father’s son and would grow up to be an exact copy.  

“Yes, Flynni,” she giggled emphasizing the nickname her husband had come up with, “is still very much asleep. But he won’t be for much longer if you don’t quiet down,” her hands slid up Jake’s neck to cradle his jaw, his tooth brush still in her hand.

“Zorry,” he smiled sheepishly actually managing to whisper this time. “You’re ze bestest mom in ze attire world, Amy Zantriago.”

“Hm,” she squinted her eyes jokingly, “maybe I should just put back that tooth brush because now you’re just talking crazy.”

“Nooo,” the whine that escaped her husband was childish as he simultaneously pulled her in for a clumsy, giggly kiss that’d cover her mouth in his toothpaste remains – unsurprisingly, drunk-Jake was not a very precise tooth brusher and had a toddler’s amount of basic skills. “Ze only crayzay here is me. Crayazay ‘bout my WIFE!” unable to control himself he half-yelled out the last word causing Amy to make a quick decision and shove the toothbrush back into his mouth. This, besides yet another surprised and confused expression greeting her, seemed to work and would hopefully keep him quiet till he made it to bed where he could pass out.

“Hush, Peralta,” and he immediately did. He knew his always very convincing wife only had good intentions (which making sure their son stayed asleep ultimately was) and whilst she picked up where he’d left of to finish brushing his teeth for him he, like the inner toddler the alcohol ignited in him, stayed put against the sink.

A few minutes later, still managing to stay somewhat silent (apart from constantly trying to whisper sweet nothings and stupidities into her ear meanwhile she struggled to brush his teeth and wash his face) Amy lead Jake to their bedroom which, for once, was for unsexy reasonz (with a z, yes). Immediately as soon as it was within what his drunk brain considered a safe distance, Jake’s body caved and dropped to the soft welcoming surface of their bed. Amy quickly figured that it was probably for the best and she should take advantage of Jake finally staying still, meaning she carefully started undressing him, and it had seemed that he was passed out right up until she popped the third button of his flannel and his eyes shot open along with a sneaky smirk.

“Amez, Iz tonight zhe night that we become PILFs?”

Amy frowned as she reached the last button and then pushed the flannel off of his torso. “PILFs?” She wordlessly prompted him to sit up as to allow her to remove the flannel entirely only to be followed by his undershirt being lifted off via his head – something she’d done a million times before but most cases being for other reasons.

“Parentz I’d Like To Frick,” he smiled in appreciation at his own genius invention before stealing a kiss when Amy happened to be close enough to reach by simply leaning in a bit. It did earn him a small giggle like he wished but then also a light shove back.

“Stop that and help me instead, would you?” She was far from mad at him which he could tell from the way she couldn’t keep an entirely straight face but on the other side of things Amy clearly wasn’t having the easiest time undressing her full grown husband either. Suddenly the task that was changing Flynn 7 times a day was put into a quite interesting perspective: a perspective she didn’t necessarily need.

And so, feeling that his wife was doing all the hard work, he helped. It might’ve taken him 5 minutes to pop open and zip down his jeans, but he succeeded and it was with way too much pride that he kicked his jeans off in a madman-ninja manner which resulted in them flying across the room to touchdown by the door. Normally Amy would demand he put them in the laundry bin but for once she couldn’t care less. The pants being off itself was a great victory.

“Nicely done, babe,” she joked trying to ignore the fact that 3 simple tasks had taken them almost 40 minutes by now, prompting her to playfully throw his night shirt in way so it landed on his head. “Now put that on and you’re good to pass out for the night.”

She walked back over to her side of the bed, throwing in a glance at Flynn in his crib to make sure he was still well and asleep, before crawling back under the covers and pushing the part on Jake’s side aside to invite him in.

It was a matter of seconds before he dropped into place but instead of passing out immediately as Amy had expected him to, her husband shuffled across the bed’s invisible center line wordlessly asking for snuggles that Amy, of course, couldn’t decline. She loved that Jake went out and had some fun by himself, although, at the end of the day, nothing would ever beat having him home with her – even if it meant dealing with an all at once incapable and horny man child.

So, by all means, she lifted her arm to welcome him to make himself at home under it, felt his head moving to on top of her chest, before she put it back down in a soft grip around his shoulders. His free arm would then soon enough wrap around her middle earning him a soft peck to the forehead.

“I love you, Amz,” he mumbled tiredly into her shirt.

“I love you too, Jake,” she smiled leaning her cheek against where she’d just planted the kiss.

“And I love our baby. Zo much. I mizzed him all ze night,” he mumbled on the verge of falling asleep.

And while she always did expect it these days, right then and there when she very honestly in the moment least did expect it, a loud cry as if scripted, tore through the darkness of their bedroom. A small sigh escaped her body although she was couldn’t help but smile at the irony of the situation.

“… Sounds like he missed you too, babe.”

“Oh no,” Jake whined basically imitating Flynn to a point where it was scary as Amy scooted out from his snuggle and the newfound warmth of their bed. “I woke him up. I’m zo zo sorry.”

In the meantime Amy had made her way to the crib.

“You didn’t wake him up, honey,” she made sure to reassure Jake of the fact before picking up the tiny crying figure before promptly looking at the time on her night stand, where her suspicion was immediately proved to be right. “It’s 4 AM: he’s just hungry.”

Not many things in this world were sure or certain, but if there was one thing that was then it was definitely Amy’s knowledge when it came to her son’s schedule. Yes, Jake got up with Flynn just as frequently as she did, but contrary to her, Jake didn’t take note of the time and just did what his son demanded without interest in cracking the code to their baby’s life-pattern: as long as he got to care for him and make him happy again, the logistics were somewhat irrelevant to Jake.

“You sure?” he complained nervously questioning his wife as she sat back down in bed with Flynn cradled to her chest.

“Yes, completely.”

With her always being right and all, Jake settled for accepting his wife’s statement quieting down to take in the sight of their son fumbling to find where his mother had lifted up her shirt in order to feed him. Seconds later, like the peace that followed after a huge sky-cracking thunderstorm, silence settled upon the family of three letting the two adult of said family know that Flynn had once again worked out how to still his hunger. Apart from the very faint sounds of suckling, the occasional little pop followed by a wail when he’d lose his mouthful and complain until Amy managed to help him back on track, idyllic silence of the night wrapped up the apartment as if Jake had never interrupted it just an hour prior.

It was in moments like these where Jake became untouchable, completely disregarding any physical or mental state he might be in, and simply gave in to soaking in the faultless felicity parenthood provided him with. He’d never been anything but happy with Amy but this life he’d been living for 3 months now was even better and beyond any imaginable expectations he’d had. Flynn, though being the one who was completely dependent on his father’s care, had given Jake life a renewed meaning he hadn’t known or felt close to before. A meaning he’d originally been so afraid of even considering before he met Amy but had come to realize he wanted with her and only her.

He wanted 4 AM cries. He wanted the sight of Amy, depending on what her energy level was, either dozing off to or actively admiring their son latching onto her swelled chest as he suckled on it. He wanted the rush of pride every time Flynn made a new sound even if it was simply bringing into existence a new pitch when he squealed or whimpered. Jake wanted all and everything, big and small, as long as it was with them.

So of course, as soon as Flynn was placed stomach down on Amy’s chest after being done eating and burped, earning himself a sweet praise when he succeeded, Jake was back to snuggling into his wife’s side. There was no minding sharing her chest with the tiny human as it provided Jake with the perfect combination of cuddling with his wife and the incredible sight of their stupefying son slipping back into a peaceful state of sleepy satisfaction.

“He’s sro prerfect, Amy.”

“I know, babe,” with a hand safely cradling and stroking the back of Flynn’s decently hairy head she mumbled her reply obviously in the early stages of dozing off herself. The other hand, this arm having returned to its spot around Jake, was resting against her husband’s back stroking it in a synchronized motion.  

“Like, he’z like getting ze one exact toy you wanted ze mostest in your Happy Meal as a child.”  

She would laugh out loud at his comparison, finding it incredibly endearing, but she was by then too exhausted and only managed to form a tired smile – also the laughing would cause her chest and then automatically Flynn to quiver which she was not about to dare.

“He really is,” she mumbled.

“I think we shrould have anozer.”

It was easy to tell that the comment was partly genuine and sweet but also partly… intoxicated. Though Amy didn’t doubt the fact that Jake wouldn’t mind more children, she also didn’t doubt the fact that he definitely wouldn’t remember this conversation when he woke up some hours later with a hammering headache and zombie-like state of mind.

“I think I have enough on my hands with you two.”

Yes, she did see them having at least two kids but one newborn was definitely more than enough at the moment, plus  they had plenty of time to consider further additions to the family once Flynn would be older and Jake not completely wasted. Although it was nice to hear some truth about his inner thoughts spill from her drunk husband, there was no doubt in her mind that there was no need to hurry. They would get there eventually and for now they were already so very happy.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the feeling of Jake’s lips planting a soft, half-sloppy kiss to, first, their son’s head, then, then her neck. Then small movements beneath her hand on Flynn was next, quickly peaking her curiosity and winning over her exhaustion then forcing herself to open her eyes. Immediately feeling glad she did so because she was met by the most heartwarming sight of Jake carefully caressing Flynn’s tiny feet.

“We’re gunna make zo many perfect bebiez, Amy Trivago. Zo many. Like zis one.”

“I’m sure of it, babe,” she gave into one last tired chuckle hoping agreeing would give him the peace he needed to fall asleep. And besides the fact his fingers continuously toyed with the tiny feet, Jake seemed fast asleep a few moments later leaving Amy to soak in the moment, fighting to stay awake just a few more minutes to enjoy how incredibly lucky she was.

There was indeed nothing better than feeling her two favorite boys’ heartbeats against her skin as she herself dove into a deep sleep.

#i'm pretty pleased with this one #both cute and fluffy #domestic peraltiago for days #peraltiago #jake x amy #peraltiago fanfic #jake and amy #jake peralta #amy santiago #baby peraltiago #fanfiction #b99 #Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

#personal

[noorengels]

reasons i am sad (friendship edition)

in year 4 my best friend invited everyone to her birthday party and not me and they all actually kept it a secret really well they almost pulled it off except she held her party in la plaza which basically is the hangout spot for families in that area i spent all my fridays there playing until midnight bc literally everyone from school would go. so i was walking home with my entire family inc grandparents and uncles and we went through la plaza and there they were! every single one of my friends at her party! apparently her mum didnt let her invite me bc apparently i hit her which i didn’t i hit another girl so her excuse is invalid and its the first time ive been so publicly excluded i cried on a bench.

in year 7 we hated this girl bc she was so fake i genuinely believe she is a psychopath like she has all the symptoms except shes in set 5 maths lol so my friend was like what if i spread a rumour about her and i was like lol do it and she did and for some reason i was blamed??? and lost all of my friends and she bullied me so hard but i didnt realise bc i was “friends” with her bc our mums were friends so shed like walk with me to lessons and talk to me while belittleing me and idk she was just a fucking bitch she made me feel so horrible like it was emotional bullying but also like telling everyone who i liked and saying lmao you literally have no friends “count how many friends you have? omg you literally cant even reach ten can you???” like in front of everyone but then shed also be really nice to me at the same time like idk it was like she was my friend but she bullied me it was so horrible saffa i hate you and the original friend who spread the rumour went on to become her best friend for like 6 years so uh hate that

managed to make friends with people not in my class in year 8! which sucked bc saffa had alienated people in my class so now they all just didnt like me i was the weird girl with no friends because of her and it was so horrible bc id always be forced to join the ready made groups between friends by the teacher  bc i didnt have a group to work with or id get paired with the weird girl like i was only the weird girl after saffa made everyone hate me this girl was weird bc she just is idk 

in year 10 they made a gc without me! i basically created that group tho like i gathered these friends i hade made in different lessons (obviously not in my main class lol) and they literally just??? decided to exclude me for no reason. and then theyd talk about what they talked about in the gc in front of me like “omg remember last night on the gc” isha ur so fucking boring no normal person talks about their gc with the same people again do u have no other conversational points smh

in year 11 it got so bad to the point where once i sat with them and they all just left! like they took their stuff and moved to the table behind me i wanted to cry so bad i did at home i think its the worst one out of all of these because it happened to my face? idk saffa was horrible too but this was just “were leaving” idk like ive never felt as horrible as i did in that moment i cant even describe how im feeling rn reliving it

its okay bc i made friends with my best friend from sciences + history bc our surnames are next to each other so we always sat together! i honestly clung to this girl after that bc i refused to spend a second longer with that other group after 3 years of enduring not even being liked by ur friends so i made friends with her friends which was easy bc yes! 

so by the first term of year 12 i had three friends! in fact one of them was like ur not having a birthday party??? im taking u out to eat so my first birthday event thing in literally years was all thanks to arun i am honestly so grateful for him he didnt even go bc he was busy and we planned it the day before my birthday but it was literally me and two friends eating pizza at zizzis and im crying so much rn but year 12 was when i found people who genuinely cared about me

we established a group of like 8 lol and were planning a holiday for the end of year 13! very skam of us! we had a gc and everything! we were gonna go to spain bc im spanish so i could speak!

this trip was unspoken of in year 13 and i was like lol kinda weird um okay but nope nothing weird about it they just created a chat without me and were still going to spain!!! one of them even sent me screenshots of their airbnb to translate its like u want me to know lol

i did complain to one of them but thats it i was just hurt on my own and coronavirus happened so it got cancelled anyways so i won really

in yr 13 i also got closer to this boy called adam! i remember my friend was like you two would get on so well idk why ur not friends and i was like idk its adam lol do i really want to and yes i did bc he is in fact the isak to my sana! but anyways i hate him but i love him we have that kinda friendship where were alwAYS trying to beat the other one up and honestly the most heart felt goodbye when schools shut was between us both bc at first we were fighting and then he just stopped and his eyes softened and i was like whats wrong with you why arent u punching me and he went come here and we hugged and its like wow despite being a dick ill miss you

anyways so uhhh quarantine we skyped often it was fun and then restrictions were lifted i went to spain and the second i land they all stop talking in the gc????? like im abroad not dead why are u creating a new one??? this gc was agressively spammed so i know for a fact theres another im not stupid

i come back from spain and theyre like can we meet!!! we meet three weeks later and theyr like i missed u so much im so happy uou came i love you and it felt really genuine like they genuinely missed me

two days later i find out through snapchat theyve all gone on holiday together!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of them and just ofc didnt invite me they went to the beach for two days and kept posting about it and im so bitter about it like bro???????? why so secretive????? like i cried so much when i saw bc they still just idk why does every single friendgroup ive ever been in exclude me like i must be the problem theres no other explanation for it i am not the kind of person people want to have around i am so funny but im a bitch and will come for ur ass because i have the inability to lie i have no filter either which i know makes them dislike me i know it does but thats the price you oay for being my friend i just say things as it is becauxe i hate secrets bc secrets are always about excluding me so i rather be honest and upfront but that clearly puts people off bc im too upfront and im not getting a personality transplant im not tryna be boring but im so sick of always being the one on her own

adam was relevant uh hews my only friend rn he checked up on me the other day so cheers adam for making sure im not completely isolated

the funny thing is that all my friends hate adam bc “hes a dick” hes not he just says things how it is were so similar so if they hate adam they hate me and im over being hated lol bye!

i start uni next week and i clearly have no social skills so im not gonna make friends im so scared of being lonely i hate being left out

this went from sad to full on angry like i was crying at some point and now im fuming like im so hot rn my blood pressure isnt doing okay

#my manifesto #sua: extreme #venting #xoxo #no ones had more friendship drama than me i refuse to believe it #this is 1526 words long #shut up ali