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#it's my mom's favorite and she fucking stole a piece of it to plant in her garden from the plants in the street
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Everybody in my family gansta until the man of the house (my mom) finds an insect
I have just spent half an hour outside in the garden searching for a grasshopper that never appeared
at least I got my share of sunlight for the week-
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brettatroxys · 3 years
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Ave Maria Per Roxy - Self Para
Brett stood at the edge of the small lake, next to the tree. He’d memorized the little plaque beneath the tree. The tree was growing strong, for how many years it had been planted. It looked like a part of the place.
“Hi Roxy-” Brett said, crouching at the water’s edge in order to sit. He had some food and a backpack of the necessary supplies. And his new dog on a leash.
“This is Buddy. Buddy, this is my sister- Roxy. Well, where I go every year to catch up. It’s an anniversary thing. We haven’t found a name for you yet, but Buddy isn’t half bad. Why don’t you go over and nap underneath the tree while I talk to my sister, huh?”
Brett ruffled the top of Buddy’s head, fingers curling in the fur just a touch before Buddy woofed and trotted to lay down nearby.
Brett chuckled.
“Sometimes I think he’s more human than dog. He showed up on my driveway one night not too long ago. Freezing cold night. I couldn’t just let him freeze or huddle on the cement, you know? He’s nice. I’ve always liked dogs. We were gonna get a dog so at least you know I kept that promise too, right?” Brett sighed. “I’ve broken a lot of promises this year Rox. God I miss you. I brought your favorite. Turkey on ciabatta with the caramelized onion and the burrata on the side. I’m eating regularly, so that’s good.”
Brett paused for a moment to look out over the lake. The sound of stillness pervaded the air, punctuated slightly by the chirp of birds.
“I miss you everyday. Well, not every day. And then I’m guilty on the days when I do again. My therapist says that’s normal. I’m still seeing Dr. Greenfield. He was the guy you liked when I was interviewing about stopping smoking the first time. He’s older now of course. We all are. He carries it well. You know the type with the elbow patches and stuff. Real old Oxford type, but accepting of my particular brand of bs.”
Brett stopped to gnaw on the top bun of the sandwich.
“It’s good, you know. I know you always said you were better at bread, and you are, but nobody beats me at ciabatta. Just like nobody ever beat you at that olive tapenade I still can’t quite recreate. We see each other again, you’d better give me the recipe, huh?”
A sharp little laugh, a grimace.
“Probably not for a long while. You know, I did think about it. That first year or so. But we both know I like myself too much to go out like that. Time marches on and it’s so weird without you. You’re still my best girl, Rox. The only person who liked me more than myself. The bakery’s doing okay. Good business. I got that ice cream truck finished and converted so now we have that pink delivery van system thing we joked about. I know you were joking but I was being completely serious.”
“Beau’s getting married. Beau’s getting married to someone else. He asked me to be his best man and I said yes. And then I promptly threw myself at other men in order to make the ache in my heart go down. It’ll be the hardest thing to do, to watch him marry someone else but I am a victim of my own cowardice. No one else to blame by myself. I wish youd’ve been here to stop me, sis. From making the stupidest mistake I ever coulda.”
“There’s a couple of good men that like me but none of them are Beau. I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this all, but I will. I will because somehow I carry on. I don’t know if anything is new with you but it’s all same ole same ole with me. You know. Always Brett having guy trouble.”
Brett shook his head. He pulled his jacket a little tighter before finding the paper in the backpack and the markers. He began folding an origami boat.
“I’m not gonna sing while I fold again. Three birds fell out of a tree last time I tried. Mom and Dad still hate me for carrying out your final wishes, by the way. We talk yeah but it’s not the same. They still wish it was me. I know they do. They don’t say but I know and sometimes I wish the same. But I can’t change what happened. Just like I can’t fix anything else in life.”
“The bakery’s doing good, like I said. We had a pretty good year. No expansion yet or franchise opportunities but we’ve got five service help now and an extra delivery driver and we’re doing cappuccinos and things in the deli so- that’s good.”
“They asked me to be in the Best Bakers circus again. I dunno. I guess if you like the idea, send me a sign. Or don’t. I’m still a jerk and I’ll still do what I want-” he said with a little smirk. “At least I’m a jerk with a great ass. Although if we’re counting who got guys to look at asses- you were always ahead of me there-” Brett chuckled.
“I should’ve been walking you down the aisle, sis. I don’t got anyone now for that. If I could even bother to get my act together. But it’ll always be second place to Beau. I thought about leaving Boystown, leaving Chicago- for a hot minute. I told you about me getting conned. Well, I didn’t leave- at the end of the day. I couldn’t leave the bakery or our house or anything at the end of the day. It’s still- home. And Beau took me back. And then he retired, left me without a dom. It’s fucking crazy, you know? Fucking crazy to feel alone like this- to feel a hole in my heart. And not even a fun hole. Just- blackness there. Sadness. Need. Something that can never be what I want. Not really.”
Brett shook his head as he finished the boat.
“There, your boat is ready. In memory of you. My beloved Roxy.” Brett set the candle in the boat and lit it, sending the boat out with a gentle shove. Buddy made a noise from where he was over on the tree.
“What? It’s a family tradition. I can waste paper one day a year. Come here, Buddy. Come here, boy-” Brett motioned and Buddy approached, snuggling in to his side. He patted the top of Buddy’s head.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I know everyday gets a little easier but it’ll always be like I lost an arm or a leg or an eyeball without her. She woulda knocked some sense into me and she would’ve loved you-” Brett said, letting Buddy stole a bit of turkey from the sandwich. “She would’ve thought you were adorable.”
Brett let out a sigh. “You don’t tell Uncle Beau how I feel. I’m a grown up. I missed my chance. I just get to love him from afar. Besides, there’s Elliot- there’s Markus- hell Charlie wants a piece of my ass. And they’re all nice options. They’re all close enough. I could learn to love them. Learn to love somebody else like Beau. He’s just not an option anymore, not really.” 
Buddy made the brrwd noise again. “I know, I know. It’s not a bad deal if I choose Charlie in a dom/sub capacity, right? At least I know how to be a sub- when I wanna do a good job at it. I’m not sure I want it but who could resist the option, huh? I come out here every year and then go into hiding for two days before my year starts fresh over again. I wish you coulda met her Buddy. I wish you coulda.”
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quirkykayleetam · 4 years
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Shaking and Shivering
Part 2 of the Ghost in the Cell series featuring Vadim and Ellie.  Trigger Warnings for past broken bones and depression/despair.
The next time the door opened, it didn’t bring food and water.  Instead, when the footsteps ended, Vadim heard a loud clang, then a grunt.  Then water, ice cold and thrown with force, slapped Vadim in the face.  He gasped as it stole his breath.  Curling inward, he huddled backward towards the concrete wall.  Not finished, his captor huffed and landed a solid kick on Vadim’s wounded leg before turning to leave.  Vadim couldn’t hear the door close over his screams.
Cold.  Piercing, stabbing cold.  
Vadim thought he was used to it.  He knew the weariness that came from sleeping in every piece of clothing he owned because he couldn’t pay the gas bill, the desperation behind hoarding every warm breath behind a scarf wrapped around his face even though the fabric was falling apart.
But this cold Vadim was helpless to escape.  The gang thugs had stripped him of his jacket, leaving him in a battered button-up and threadbare dress pants.  The water soaked through them into Vadim’s bones.
The shaking made it worse.  Vadim couldn’t stop his body from shivering, tapping into innate instincts to try to warm him up.  But every tremble of his abused muscles sent new slivers of pain through his shattered kneecap.  Vadim’s broken fingers hurt, sure.  He registered that somewhere in the back of his mind.  The pain in his leg just drowned that out with spasms of agony.
Vadim tried to focus, to think why his captors might have done this.  Was it just to torture him?  Or were they cleaning him up for some reason?  Was he supposed to be grateful for water to wash the bloodstains off the floor?  Or was that just the mob clearing their tracks?
Eventually, those thoughts faded.  The cold like the darkness was oppressive.  Vadim figured he didn’t have to fake a facade of being strong.  After all, he was all alone in the world.
Trying to still his shaking, Vadim pulled his head and good leg up to his chest.  He let his face fall to the floor.  In the dark, Vadim cried.
His heaving chest agitated his leg, but not anymore than his shivering and Vadim wasn’t sure he even cared.  He couldn’t stop them from hurting him, killing him, whatever they wanted.  All he could do was sit blindfolded in the dark and wait.  At least he hoped 12 cameras weren’t pointed at him.  He hoped they wouldn’t see him cry.
“Umm...hey?”
A soft voice.  Ellie.
Vadim sobbed even harder.
If she was a hallucination, then it didn’t matter.  If she was a ghost, he figured she had seen enough sadness.  If she was another prisoner, she would just know that he was more pathetic than she was, someone not to be relied on.  And if she was a plant by his captors...he was already fucked.
“Anything I can do?” the voice, Ellie, asked.
“Can you see?”
“What?”
“I’m...I’m blindfolded.  I don’t know for how long.  I just want to see something beautiful.  I just want to see.”
Vadim’s voice faded into sobs again.
Ellie paused so long Vadim thought she’d gone away again.
“I’m a kindergarten teacher,” Ellie said finally.  “It’s definitely more of a calling and sometimes I wish kids could understand irony.  If I have to see two four-year-olds fighting over the book The Joy of Sharing one more time, I’m gonna start laughing instead of doing my job.
“I don’t know about beautiful, but we have things that are soft?  There’s this huge rug made of multicolored squares that I get all the kids to gather on in the morning or when we’re gonna do a read-aloud.  I’m supposed to tell them to all sit on the blue squares on Monday and the red squares on Tuesday, but I like to ask them to sit on their favorite colors.  There’s a turquoise one in the left corner that is definitely mine.
“What’s your favorite color, Vadim?  Or maybe that’s a stupid question.  I tend to ramble when I actually talk to adults and…”
“Red,” Vadim whispered.
“Like Clifford the Big Red Dog!”
Like blood, Vadim thought.
“Or cherry popsicles!  Those things get everywhere…”
 Or the tip of a freezing nose in the snow.
“It probably most reminds me of this lipstick my mom used to wear only to Synagogue.  I tried it on once as a teen, but it never felt right.”
Vadim pictured his mother.  Her face was a little blurry in his memory, but his sister wasn’t.
“My sister probably did that too.  She had these hideously tall red heels that my father tried so hard to get her not to wear.  She snuck out with them anyway.  I’m sure my mother’s lipstick cabinet was just a step on the way.”
Vadim could have sworn he heard Ellie smile.
“Do you believe in God, Vadim?” Ellie asked.
“I don’t think so, not really.  Not since college.”
“If it helps, I believe that the people who love us never really leave us.  As long as we’re loved, we are never really alone.”
“Thanks, Ellie.”
Vadim pictured his sister, his little nephew, his cubicle partner who said hello to him each time he came into work and invited him to drinks on the weekends even though Vadim always said no.  He pictured his disgruntled old landlady who always snuck Vadim candy even when he could only make partial payments and the woman at the corner store who always complimented his scarf.  He even tried to picture Ellie.
Whatever happened, whatever came through that door, his captors couldn’t take those images from him.  Even blinded, hurting, shaking with cold, that was something.  Maybe, Vadim thought, that would be enough.
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Filling the “Shaking and Shivering” square for @badthingshappenbingo​
I don’t remember who all wanted to be tagged, but I’ll make an attempt.  Please message or contact me if you want in!  @stoic-whumpee​, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​, @whumpback-wail​, @whumpitywhumpwhump​, @straight-to-the-pain, @burtlederp​, @redwingedwhump​, @straight-to-the-pain​
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BOOK REVIEW: The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi
The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi My rating: 5 of 5 stars
He taught him how to eat and how to hunger for things out of reach and how to steal without ever looking like you lack for something.
So Roshani originally said she wanted to write a book that was essentially National Treasure but with hotter people and all of the glamorous catastrophes of The Mummy.
THE GILDED WOLVES has the puzzle solving of National Treasure with the charming characters of The Mummy but this book is something else entirely.
I fucking adored it.
So what's this book about?
Basically, everyone is obsessed with rings.
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Just kidding. Sort of.
Really it's a book about a group of teens who are on the hunt for artifacts and steal them. It's a ragtag team of misfits who already have an established group dynamic (which is rare in these types of group-themed adventure books) which was cool. They all have known each other for at least a year (besides Hypnos, buts he's special, okay), so the working dynamic, preferences, etc. are established. Some have know each other for many years. Any ways, I loved that aspect. But yeah, basically they steal stuff, do magic, solve puzzles, do treasure hunts, commit heists, investigate conspiracies, bake a lot of pastries, feed a tarantula, and try to win back one dude's title.
I have no idea ow to even shelve this book because it is historical fiction but also has magic but they call it science but it is hidden from society (sort of). Whatever the hell it is, it works.
Also this book has IMAGES. SO COOL. Mostly nerdy. But very cool.
So we are blessed with 4 main POVs:
Séverin:
My boy steals back objects that the rich stole from others?!? He finds treasure?! Damn. He really is a sexy, more charming Nicholas Cage. Also, the dude has purple eyes. What's not to love?! He steals stuff. Sometimes because it use to be his. Sometimes to give it back to its rightful owner, sometimes just for the thrill of it.
Acquiring was what he called his particular hobby. It sounded … aristocratic. Wholesome, even.
But also this:
“I don’t want to be their equal. I don’t want them to look us in the eye. I want them to look away, to blink harshly, as if they’ve stared at the sun itself. I don’t want them standing across from us. I want them kneeling.”
He's my favorite character of the book. I just want my boy to be happy.
Laila:
She can read the objects around her. I know that particular skill has a fancy name, I can't remember it. Regardless of what it is called, she does it. And it is cool AF. Also, my girl can BAKE. I'm jealous. I burn everything. Or someone manage to make cookies both burnt and underdone. Clearly Laila is a wizard.
Being loud in one life allowed her to be quiet in others.
My girl has a secret. Trust me, it's not what you're thinking. Also she's the total mom of the friend group. I love her.
Enrique:
What a nerd. A funny, attractive, bisexual nerd.
Enrique had always imagined what it would feel like to be a hero. This was not how he imagined it.
His relationship with Zofia and his banter with Hypnos gives me life. I love my nerdy boys.
Zofia:
A math wizard, loves fire and sugar cookies. I think she's written to be on the autism spectrum. I love my math geek.
When it came to socializing, Zofia had difficulty knowing the right moves. But fighting was different. It was all patterns, anticipation of the movement of muscle. That she could do.
Also, she's super smart and loves to set things on fire. Heh heh. I really like this chick.
With amazing supporting characters like:
Tristan:
Dude has a scary spider. When Roshani said on TwitterTristan is a gardener extraordinaire & also that little brother who says "LOOK WHAT I FOUND" and thrusts a bunch of writhing insects in your face while cooing at them. She wasn't kidding...
Tristan barged into the room, his hands outstretched. “Look! I thought Goliath was dying, but he’s fine. He just molted!” Enrique screamed. Laila scuttled backward on her chaise. Zofia leaned forward, inspecting the enormous tarantula in Tristan’s hands.
He loves plants and bugs and is an adorable child. The baby of the fam.
Hypnos:
Technically has a POV. But it's only one, so does that really count? Idk. My boy is funny. Charming. Not above blackmail.
"You’ll like working with me, I promise! I’m fabulous at parties, have excellent taste in menswear, et cetera, et cetera."
He's mostly drunk, very funny, and I love my gay fave.
What else do I love about this book?!?
The b a n t e r.
Exhibit A:
“Still waiting on my thanks, you know,” huffed Enrique. “It took me ages to research and assemble that.” “It would have taken less time if you didn’t antagonize Zofia.” “It’s inevitable. If I breathe, your engineer is prepared to launch warships.” “Then hold your breath.”
Exhibit B:
“You’re doing it again,” said Enrique. “What?” “That whole nefarious-whilst-looking-into-the-distance thing. What are you hiding, Séverin?” “Nothing.” “You and your secrets.” “Secrets keep my hair lustrous,” said Séverin, running his hand through his curls.
Exhibit C:
Enrique scowled as he held apart the bear’s jaws. “Remember when you said, ‘This will be fun’?” “Can this wait?” Séverin grunted through clenched teeth. “I suppose.”
Exhibit D:
Enrique being a total nerd geeking out about an artifact
“No need to seduce the thing,” cut in Séverin. “I’m appreciating it.” “You’re fondling it.” Enrique rolled his eyes. “It’s an authentic piece of history and should be savored.” “You might at least buy it dinner first,” said Séverin.
Exhibit E:
“Must you creep up on us like that? I didn’t even hear you come into the room!” “It’s part of my aesthetic.”
Exhibit F:
“What is taking that security guard so long?” Enrique grumbled. “He was supposed to be out by eight o’clock. It’s nearly nine.” “Maybe he doesn’t have a clock.” He stared at her. “Are you finally making a joke?” “I’m pointing out a gap in your observation.”
Exhibit G:
Zofia sat up straight, held his gaze, then did what she’d seen Laila do many times when she looked at Séverin—lift one corner of her mouth ever so slightly, but tilt her head down at the same time … wait, now she couldn’t see anything, oh, and Laila would sometimes lift up one shoulder— “What on earth are you doing?” “I am imitating patterns of flirtation.” “Wait. You’re flirting. With … me?” Zofia frowned. Why would he think that? She just said she was imitating the general strategy of others. “Maybe I have the methodology wrong. I also saw women do this. Better?” She relaxed her body. Then pretended there was something on her upper lip and licked it off with a slow swipe of her tongue. Enrique blinked rapidly then shook his head. Shaking one’s head meant no. Zofia shrugged and waved her hand. “I’ll practice later.” “You … don’t need much,” said Enrique, his voice pitched lower than usual. He wasn’t looking at her. She must have been terrible.
Honestly, the dialogue in this book is great. And the sexual tension between Laila and Séverin has me dead. I've never wanted two characters to be end game so badly before.
Also, shout out to Roshani for mixing the good and the bad parts of history. She mentions it in her Author's Note too, but this book doesn't shy away from our less savory parts of history.
Basically this book is amazing and deserves ALL THE STARS.
I am thirsting for the sequel.
Content Warnings:
violence, anti-Jewish remarks/bullying (towards main character, includes hate crime), mention of suicide (part two intro + chapter 38), slavery, colonization, child abuse, racism, murder, mentions of house fire that ended in death, torture, self-harm (mentioned earlier in book, shown briefly chapter 26), people zoo (because racism), drugging person without their consent, implied rape (via "sex" with slaves which result in children)
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galmance · 6 years
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Just Over There
Richie had planned the Greatest Christmas Date of all time, but of course, things don't go as planned.
AO3 Link
Richie pulled in front of the Kaspbrak House in his shitty Chevy Monte Carlo. The clunker had shit gas mileage, cracked leather seats, and the back windows did not roll down, but he would not trade his baby for the world.
Besides, the front row had bench seating, making it the perfect makeout car.
Regardless, Richie parked the car and practically fell out of the driver's seat as he leapt out. He was like a deer on ice skates as he bounded across the snow covered lawn and landed right in front of the door. With the dopiest smile carved on his face, he rapped his knuckles again the front door, then leaned against the icy cold wall.
After a few moments, the face of an angel opened the oh-so-familiar front door. Richie felt like his heart had fallen out of his ass and onto the immaculately clean porch.
Eddie looked fucking perfect. His brown eyes sparkled like the finest jewelry in his mother’s possession (so what if it was her Walmart engagement ring, that shit was beautiful). His hair looked as soft as the snow jammed in the soles of his soggy sneakers. And God, don’t even get him started on his rosy cheeks. They looked exactly like the roses Mrs. Uris tended to in the Spring.
Not like Richie was giving much of a glance to the roses anyways.
Eddie tugged the sleeves of his emerald green sweater over his hands and crossed his arms across his chest as he leaned against the doorway.
“Merry Christmas, Rich,” Eddie said with a half smile.
“And Merry Christmas to you, my dear Spaghetti Head!” Richie beamed. He was about to take a step towards Eddie, but he instead shot his hand into the inside pocket of his denim jacket. He pulled out a crumbled daisy and held it out to Eddie. “I come bearing your first gift of many.”
Eddie blushed, accepting the daisy and twirling it in between his index finger and thumb. “Daisies always were my favorite.”
“And that’s why I searched near and far for one!”
“You went to Bill’s and stole one from his mom’s bouquet.”
“I went to Bill’s and stole one from his mom’s bouquet,” Richie smiled. He finally took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s smaller frame, pulling him in so Eddie’s head rested under his chin. “I missed you.”
“It’s barely been a day since Bill and Stan’s Holiday Party to End All Holiday Parties ,” Eddie laughed, burying his head a little bit into Richie’s chest.
“A day too long,” Richie mumbled into Eddie’s hair. He pulled back in favor of planting a big kiss on Eddie’s cheek. Eddie mock gagged and wiped at the spot Richie kissed. Richie rolled his eyes before kissing Eddie’s face again and again, you know, just to piss him off… yeah… to piss him off…. that’s why.
“Are you ready for the greatest Christmas adventure of all time?” Richie asked between peppered kisses. The small smile that was growing on Eddie’s face dropped at this, causing Richie to pull away.
“About that,” Eddie sighed. He turned away momentarily to make sure the door was unlocked before shutting it quietly behind him. He let out a deep breath as he continued, “My mom-”
“Please Eds, don’t tell me-”
“My mom had a meltdown this morning, I need to do damage control.”
“Damage control for who? It’s just you and her!” Richie exclaimed, frustration evident in his voice. “I thought you didn’t give a shit about her meltdowns anymore! You know, since she fucking has one whenever you wanna go anywhere with me.”
“This one was worse than the others,” Eddie said sadly. He reached forward to grab Richie’s hand. Richie’s hand was slightly stiff in his own. “You know I wouldn’t do this unless I had to.”
“You’re eighteen years old, you shouldn’t have to be putting your mom’s pieces back together. It’s not your job.”
“You think I want to do this?” Eddie asked, his voice rising a bit. “You think I don’t want to spend the day with you? You think I want to sit with my mom on the couch and watch the same fucking movie year in and year out? You think I want to make dinner and-and… deal with all this shit?”
“I know you don’t! I know you don’t! That’s why I don’t get why you don’t stand up to her,” Richie said. “You’ve done it before, you can do it again.”
“You don’t fucking get it Richie,” Eddie said, exasperated. “You don’t get that I don’t know what she’ll do if I don’t fix things when she has these meltdowns! I don’t know how far she’ll go with all this! She’s so unpredictable and you know that!”
“But she’s fine every time!” Richie tore his hand from Eddie’s. Their daisy fell, floating softly to the ground next to their feet. “Is this because it’s our first real Christmas together?”
“I don’t know!” Eddie said overwhelmed. His eyes started to get glassy, causing him to find great interest in anywhere besides Richie’s eyes. “Probably! You know what, yeah, probably!”
“You know I’ve spent two months planning today,” Richie asked, more of a statement rather than a question. “I’ve been… driving Ben and Bev and all of them insane over how much I’ve asked them if what I was doing was perfect enough for you, or if you’d like it… and it’s all getting trashed because of Mrs. K.”
“You’re being a dick.”
“Just living up to my name, I guess!”
“Just… calm down. I’m fucking stressed out enough, I don’t need you to ride my ass! You’re supposed to be calming me down, not vice versa! I’m having the shittiest day already and I really thought you would take this better than you are.”
“You thought I was going to react to this all sunshiney?”
“No! But I didn’t expect you to pretty much yell at me!”
“I’m not yelling at you!”
“I said pretty much yelling! There’s a difference.”
“A small difference!”
“But still a difference!”
“You know what?” Richie said, his voice cracking. “I’m just… I’m gonna go home. Merry fucking Christmas.”
“Let me guess! You’re gonna go home and get so high you forget this even happened and then we’re gonna pretend that this whole interaction never happened! Cause that’s what we’re great at, right?”
“Fuck you, Eddie.” Richie turned away from Eddie and started heading down the driveway.
“You know I’m right.” This caused Richie to freeze and turn back towards Eddie.
“You don’t get to judge my habits when yours-”
“I dare you to finish that-”
“When yours are just as bad as mine.” And with that, Richie turned away, heading back towards his shitty Chevy. He got into his shitty Chevy and now had to go back to his shitty home with his shitty mom with her shitty booze who didn’t talk to his shitty dad who didn’t give a shit about his shitty son. Everything about his life in that moment felt like shit. And he knew what he said to Eddie was a shitty thing to do but he was a shitty person and spewing shit just felt like the right shit to do because SHIT! Shit just becomes personified after time and that’s all Richie Tozier was; a piece of shit.
Eddie didn’t say anything as he watched Richie get into his car and speed off in the blink of an eye. He shut his eyes and gritted his teeth as he forced the tears to not come forth. He forced the lump in his throat to go down. He forced his feelings to go away, even if it was just for now, because he simply did not have the time to deal with them in this moment. He just forced and forced and forced until things just became the way they were. This was just how it was and had to be. Forced.
“Eddie-bear? Do I hear yelling?” Sonia called from inside. Eddie opened his eyes and turned back towards the door and opening it.
“No, Ma,” Eddie called back, stepping back into the house. He let out one sniffle before closing the door behind him. “It was nothing.”
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doctormelapples · 6 years
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all the a s k s
Here you go homie:
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?More milk, get them slightly soggy cinnamon toast crunch 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?One of my favorite feelings tbh 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?Receipts,,,,,, I doggy ear them from the bottom 4: how do you take your coffee/tea?Tea, STRONG, Maybe with a lil honey 5: are you self-conscious of your smile?I cover my face with my hand when I laugh, if that is the connection 6: do you keep plants?A goal of mine is to keep plants 7: do you name your plants?I totally would, I named everything 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?Photography??, Writing? 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?I do all the time. Apparently I hum when I work, but I don’t often notice 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?Um side? Idk I just asked the only person who has seen me sleeping in the last three months, she said I can’t make up my mind 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?SharkBecks,, #rip, Crab walk,, In this Denny’s tonight,,,, whipping in response to an attack on your person 12: what’s your favorite planet?Uranus 13: what’s something that made you smile today?I went to coffee with my ride or die and that was fun 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?The walls would be brick for sure, wood floors, shit ton of rugs, plants everywhere, we stole the plants from cafes, small windows, maybe circular, you know that nasty looking gross pale blue fridge, looking nasty and old, that one, and we found a bright red couch on the side of the road, it’s perfect, string lights, and the occasional lamp, old fashioned lightbulbs, warm light, yellow and orange lights, a mix of framed and not framed posters, bean bag chairs for parties, Cupboard space, only used for mugs, paintings and art, and photographs, polaroids, all over the fridge, cupboards with pins and magnets, probably some salt crystals, salt lamps, some rose quartz stuff, candles everywhere. It’s a study apartment, so all we have are two really big beds in the middle of the beds, THROW PILLOWS EVERYWHERE, too many pillows,, polaroids hanging from string lights on the ceiling, BOOKS EVERYWHERE, stacks everywhere, corners= books, top of the fridge=books, vanity made of several different old mirrors, hanging cubbies for our shoes, we share all the time anyway, no floor space, fashion racks for all of our clothes, we mix, cuz we always share clothes anyway 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!Did you know Venus is the hottest planet, not mercury, even tho it’s closest to the sun? Also NASA is fake and nothing is real? 16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?Lasagna 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?PINK BLONDE WITH DARK ROOTS, AND PINK 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.Something I did? Welcccs, I said welcccs In the gc once,,, never lived down, Pronunciation: Whelc-k-kz I also said pipin’ ass tea, so 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?Lot’s 20: what’s your favorite eye color?Green 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.I have a bag, that I got recently, it’s black leather looking, and I have a white puffball on it, and I love her, Victoire, is her name. 22: are you a morning person?YEET NOPE 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?Sit and contemplate the fact that literally nothing is real and nothing matters. Or go to the park with my friends 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?No, tbh 25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?I broke into a closet once 26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?My grey hightop converse 27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?Sour Apple 28: sunrise or sunset?Sunrise 29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?Anytime @thumper-darling sits in a comfy chair she immediately snuggles up with the arm of the chair for a hot mo 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?Yes, shall I tell the story?? Send me an ask and I’ll tell it 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.I love socks, I like weird socks. Sleeping with socks on is of the devil. No fuck off, I have this pair that is a strawberry, one sock is the right side, and one is the other half, and I love them, I also have lime ones like that, and I have lots of different, polka dotted ones that I can wear as mix and matched 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.I went on an adventure to a city a lil out of the way, and it was like exactly 2:54, I have it on a video, and it was lit, we walked around the city, at 3 in the morning, and got passed by 4 different police cars, we made up a plan to tell them who we were, but neither of us really think straight ever, so it was a damn mess. 33: what’s your fave pastry?I love a good strudel 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?I got my fav stuffy on my seventh birthday, sophie, a white dog that glowed if you pressed her hand, My mom snuck up to my attic room that I shred with my sister, and handed it to me, It felt like it was exactly midnight, but it was probably only like 10, and she glowed and I love her. She sits in my closet and watches over me now. She stopped glowing a few years after I got her. Her lights died, after so many battery replacements 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?I love them, so much, but I don’t have many. I would use them all the time, if I had more. 36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?I got my rose scented candle going, I got my main lights off, and I’m listening to my drunk friend breathe over the phone while she reads probably It by Stephen King, let’s go with,,, alt-J, does he count? Or Wild Party? The 1975?? IDK 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?I think better in messy, but I do like clean 38: tell us about your pet peeves!Do I have pet peeves? People telling other people that I’m “in a mood”, touching my stuff without asking, someone making offhand comments about something without explaining themselves, DONT TOUCH MY HAIR 39: what color do you wear the most?Pink? Black? Pales, neutrals essentially. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?I don’t actually really wear jewelry 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!Coffee Chaos, it’s a blessing. I actually have two, to be realistic. Espresso Milano has the aesthetic, the vibe, but Coffee Chaos’ coffee is just better, so 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?I watched stars with some of my photography classmates, the other day, we were shooting on location, and it was Night™ 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?I don’t know her!!!!! WAIT JK I had a dream about Taehyung the other day, idk man it was pretty damn serene, can you believe that tae is the most beautiful man in the world 45: do you trust your instincts a lot?Always, if my vibes don’t jive w u hecks off 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.The only puns that currently reside in my soul rn are in Korean… wolwol…. How bout: I’m going to bed,,, Mind if I Slytherin 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?FUCKING COTTAGE CHEESE 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?My mom being mad at me,, debatably. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?I love Record Storesssss,,, a happy place, tbh 50: what’s an odd thing you collect?I used to collect bottle cap tops, like izze tops, Snapple tops, etc. I’m tryna collects pins/buttons now tho 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?I associate tipsy by J-Kwon with @thumper-darling 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?I dig some snazzy The Floor is me me z, nothing but respect for my president, right in front of my salad, the ditty.its, he protecc he attacc, etc there were some good memez this year 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?I’ve only seen heathers out of all of these and it was the play, it was pretty hecking good. 54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?My aunt at my cousins funeral. 55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?Honestly whom knows, once I painted my hand bright green, but for no reason so there’s your answer 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?I like it when people smile while reading, 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?Lit,, get lit, if you don’t dramatically reenact the lyrics did you even listen to bohemian Rhapsody? 58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?@thumper-darling is the wine mom, and the vodka aunt. She’s an alcoholic. Rip 59: what’s your favorite myth?One of my faves 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?I do, but I don’t often retain names,,,, rip, one of the first ones I memorized was the jabberwocky by lewis Carroll 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?I gave a mcdonalds happy meal toy away once as a gift, and once I got a whole ass gum wrapper legitimately 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?Love me some juice. I favor Apple Juice, but no o n e else in the house drinks apple juice so all we ever have is orange juice. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?Stacks, my music, yes, but theses books really be out here, overflowing from my shelves, so we got stacks, and any organization they had is now gone. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now?The sky is dark rn, cuz it’s night, but during the day this week it’s white and grey cuz it’s Rainy Week™ in Michigan rn. 65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?I can list a good few people. My old classmates, from my old school. That would be nice 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?My most ideal flower crown would have flown pink stained roses, vines with thorns, small white and pink flowers, be really extra in the center like a crown. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?Serene, content 68: what’s winter like where you live?Slushy, sometimes we get lots of snow, sometimes its lacking, 69: what are your favorite board games?I love clue, I got a doctor who version for xmas last year, best gift in years ngl. I also love risk; world domination, and a new fav: Truth Bombs™ Created by Daniel Howell and Phillip Lester available anywhere they sell games, for example: B&N where you can pick up The Amazing Book is Not On Fire at the same time, and while you’re at it, check out Dan and Phil Go Outside. 70: have you ever used a ouija board?FUCK OUTTA HERE FUCK OYOU MEAN FUCJBOI NO 71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?I dig some good ol’ Bengal spice, I dig strong spicy tea 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?I mean, yes, but do I write shit down? The answer is no 73: what are some of your worst habits?Picking at my nails, making internal commentary on Everything around me @ a l l t I m m e s 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.They really out here, at all times. They tend to be the loudest of the group, and they honestly bring the party. Story telling skills level master, You can’t beat them, They’re just so good at telling an entertaining story, even if it isn’t entertaining. Sometimes doesn’t have good days, and that’s okay. 75: tell us about your pets!I have two dogs, Maddie, and Arenal,, Maddie is a boxer lab mix, and she’s allergic to like literally everything 100% ,,, except cats. Arenal is a white blonde golden retriever and he’s the laziest mf I’ve ever met 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?A literal Photography assignment, idk why I procrastinate on these, I love doing them. 77: pink or yellow lemonade?Pink! 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?HATECLUB FUK U 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?My promposal last year was pretty dang cute, rip that tho. 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?I didn’t get to chose, they’re kinda a milky white, I don’t mind it to much, its not bad 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.doe eyes, at their finest, and that’s what I got 82: are/were you good in school?Not really, like I’m pretty average tbh 83: what’s some of your favorite album art?I really loved Young The Giants “Home of the Strange” CRUISR’s album art is all pretty aesthetic, Anti was good, I liked “Bleak” by Froth, “Cult of Personality” by Varsity, and like tons others 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?Yeah! I want to get a lineart tattoo of a swing set, with wildflowers growing specifically yellow and red flowers with light blue ink for the swings, I want to get something to do with Scorpio, and I also want an vertical ellipses in my inner elbow 85: do you read comics? what are your faves?Not really, But I have read Archie comics my whole life, Betty n Veronica, I looked at the new Riverdale ones, it’s pretty okay. You can’t really beat the go comics tho. and I own some snazzy local artists comics, those are my faves 86: do you like concept albums? which ones?I guess so,, I don’t really go out of my way to recognize it tho. I like Hospice by The Antlers, Of course Lemonade, does channel orange count? Idk, I had to look up a list of concept albums to say which ones I liked. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Breakfast Club, Men in Black, Star Wars, Harry Potter, (all) the og Wizard of Oz, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Hocus Pocus, ET, LOTR, um and more for sure, but idk right off the top of my head 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?I suppose there, are but I couldn’t tell you the name 89: are you close to your parents?I’d say I’m like relatively close to my mother, but not so much my dad 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.Just one? It’s either Chicago or Stratford, let’s go w Stratford, Ontario, okay. There is a lot stuff going on in the summer over in stratford, they have the Stratford Shakespeare festival and the theatres in the area are beautiful as shit. I haven’t been there while it’s not going on, but I gather it’s a very touristy sorta town. They have ups and downs in streets, it’s not big enough to get lost, but you can still lose yourself in the different shops and cafes. 91: where do you plan on traveling this year?The year is almost over, but it would be nice to visit my family who live hours + hours away. I want to go down to the capital and go to my favorite shops in the city I used to live. 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?I’m lactose intolerant 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?Probably a half up pony tail 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?My friend Jalee, her birthday was the 21st and she is exactly 3 weeks and 3 days older than me. 95: what are your plans for this weekend?I have a halloween party I might go to, or else I’ll be at my dad’s house this weekend. 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?I procrastinate a lot,,, I have pressed the damn remind me later button so often,,, 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?Oh shit I can’t remember my Myer briggs, maybe I should take the test again,,,, okay hold on…. Okay: ENTP-T Scorpio, Slytherin, 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?Maybe this summer? I love hiking, It’s one of my favorite things to do 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.Suburbia by Troye Sivan, Growing Old on Bleeker Street by AJR, Trapdoor by twenty one pilots, Body Gold by Oh Wonder, Sea by BTS, Art Exhibit by Young the Giant, Titus was Born by Young the Giant, actually that whole album Home of the Strange by Young the Giant. 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?5 Years into the future, I never wanna go back. Unless I could change events, in which case I’d go back.
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no2da · 7 years
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dream diary,  my guys have fun
i was in a friends home, it was at night and i think i was supposed to cat sit? no one was at home (to my knowledge) but im talking to someone? probably myself?? the apartment was so huge and some of the rooms looked like the original walls had been removed and new ones been built to change the layout completely and i was asking the person who i was talking to where the bathroom was cause i couldnt find it and then i looked into the parents bedroom and theres just a doorway arch without door and a stair leading down and the steps are laid out with tiles and at the bottom i can see a bathroom and im just thinking, oh wow i thought this was a flat, also. lol they have no bathroom door you can hear everyone shit from the beds. and i wanted to go down there and i thought, must suck for the parents to have everyone go through their bedroom to go use the toilet. and when was downstairs i realized the bathroom wasnt a bathroom but just a narrow hallway and there were some doors leading into rooms and one rooms door was slightly open and light was coming out and i was like, shit!!!! and i run upstairs and when im in the bedroom again i whisper really angrily ‘why didnt you tell me theres still someone here ???!! ‘ and then i go down again cause i wanna know who is there and i peak through the gap between the door and its some kid watching tv and she turns around and looks me straight in the eye and i fucking run away that was so scary. i run into one of the other rooms and barricade the door and sit there and im having the image in my head of me cutting the throat of that kid with a sickle and hearing, that would solve the problem, and then im like, no!! and see myself cutting my own throat with the sickle and im like, THAT would solve my problem you sick fuck, and then i can see whats happening out the door and theres the kid standing with a sickle about to ram it into the wood and then im outside again but she didnt notice me and i grab her arm and softly say, no, and then im in another room and theres someone with me and also a cat and the other person is doing embroidery and im playing with the cat with their yarn and i try to roll the thread back and the other person says they dont want it anymore cause the cat had it in its mouth.
i woke up for a bit cause the dorm next to mine is getting renovated and they made some noise but i fell asleep again
all the characters from naruto where having like a banquet for borutos anime debut, and they werent animation but real life people, like sasuke was some middle aged dude wearing the shittiest wig and tenten a rly tall black girl, also tenten was the owner of the venue where the party was hold. this was in the late evening it was dark already. then everyone noticed that boruto wasnt even there so they started a search for him. this lead out of the city. there were like only two locations (it was around sunset now), one was a still picture of a highway crossing and the other was a highway along a huge field of wheat. boruto was in that field for idk what reason, there was also a black kid with bleached hair and a rifle sneaking around in there. the search troupe werent aware of them and were looking on the other side of the highway. then there was a small explosion followed by a gun shot  in the field. at one end we now could see a couple police guys swat gear ?? and a drone was flying over the field. could see boruto dodging the shot from the swat guys but couldnt dodge the drone. the kid with a rifle was standing a couple meters away not being fast enough for any real reaction. then choji and his mom and dad were there, jumping in and like, matrix like blowing the fucking bullets away, ,,. then everyone was like lets go back home we saved boruto blah and some guy was like, anyone know this kid (with the rifle) but no one knew him but they took him back to the city with them, and on the way back there was the still picture of the crossing again and someone commented, hey, the sun hasnt moved one bit but our search lasted hours? also didnt we start the search at night why is it still sunset? 
idk who made this comment but naruto tried to dismiss it and then we were back at tentens restaurant and someone (I Cant remember) was leading shikamarus child in there (still like a toddler) cause they thought the father was in there, but tenten told them he wasnt there but they were like, oh well lets still let him wait for him here and brought him to their usual table and josuke and okuyasu (whatefuck are you guys doing here) were sitting at the table and okuyasu gave tenten a compliment on her new suit. when the person who brought the child was gone tenten went into the kitchen and talked to one of the waitresses about how weird that was and she was really worried about something called an ACADEMIA and suspecting something to happen, then the kitchen door opened and some huge ass slimey meat blob came through and it had a mouth and when it opened it we could see its tongue and its tongue had a mouth again (haha) and shikamarus kid was like, slowly coming out of that second mouth and it was crying and the thing was starting to talk and it said it was an ACADEMIA (my guy thats the name of this fucking alien thing what the fuck ,mind the capital letters) and how it needs to kill all life forms that arent ACADEMIAs and then the waitress started screaming and took one of those huge metal trays for baking and just starts beating the alien with it and it was just like fucking putty but the thing about those aliens was that they could regenerate if left alone, so tenten and the waitress shoved the thing under a pantry so it wouldnt have the space to become big again and they also folded the edges of the, flat putty thing over, so it coudlnt grow limbs?? (it didnts even have limbs in the first place waht) and after that was done tenten realized that shikamarus kid was gone now too, killed along w the alien and she had a come up with something now
and while this happened in the kitchen >>I<< (but, i wasnt watching the whole thing from >my< perspective i was still watching it all like in a movie and suddenly i am an actor in it) showed up at the restaurant and just started, grocery shopping there?? i bought a weird moldy lemon (only because a waitress convinced me to buy it and i cant say no), a lemon the size of a melon, a pack of tiny muffins and one huge muffin, and chocolate covered biscuits, white chocolate and some weird ass red one. and i stole the shopping cart i just took it home with me, and i lived in some weird ass run down shit house with a netto right next to it and i fucking go grocery shopping in a restaurant instead, i bring the fucking shopping cart with me into the kitchen and a family is there while i unpack the groceries, and im. like. posing for one of their family members. i dont know these people and they dont know im not really the person they think i am but im not even in disguise. so i put the muffins on the counter and say i bought the huge one for (i forgot the name) and the white chocolate biscuits for (i forgot the name too), they were the two daughters. muffin was the younger one and biscuits the older one, but then older one comes up to the counter and takes the muffin and looks at me really knowingly and says thanks in a rly weird way and im just, shit. i fucked up they know now im not the real thing. and i just try to play it cool take the lemons and go back to my room.
and my room is . the set for a historical play about suffragettes im writing and and all the actors and technicians etc are there  and deedee is there too and shes asking me to give her a role in the play and i want her to play one of the suffragettes (note: the costumes for the suffragettes were mainly made out of belts, weird) and of course the character deedee plays must be a lesbian too but my director says she can only have a crush on another woman whos already married to a man, no requited romance cause i already wrote another gay couple in the script and there cant be two according to him and that pissed me off so i want to take it out on his favorite male character. he was supposed to have a party hosted at his house and i change the scene so the party is somewhere else. i put down the lemons on my bed and climb on it to take down the wall carpet, which was like, essential for the guys party scene, idk why my bed was in the scene. the carpet was super gross like tons of dust and lady bugs and there were even. tiny plants sprouting from it and i verbally let my anger out on the guy and he gave me a vacuum cleaner so i could clean and while i try to suck in some lady bugs  and in that moment the bag is apparently full and so fucking full that the shit comes out at the tube and the end piece and there are tons of bugs and i just let it drop cause it scares me and the older sister who exposed me tells me to change the bag and takes my lemons and i just wanna cry cause the fucking bugs are on my bed and i dont wanna open that thing and she took my lemons!!! but im strong and go get a new bag and open the vacuum and cleaner and for some reason i have a pair of scissors now and cut open the old full bag (WHY WOULD I DO THIS) and theres bugs crawling everywhere, silver fish and lady bugs and im just sitting in this pile of shit, good morning
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stripper-boots · 7 years
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98
Look she’s sending me all of them so I’m going to answer 3-100 here and not destroy everyone’s dash.Anyways here we goooooooooo3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?Whatever I can find usually. I remember I used a pocket knife at school once and my teacher pretended not to notice. Shout out to them. 
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?My coffee with creamers and a lot of sugar, and I don’t really drink tea.
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?I used to be but then I stopped caring.
6: do you keep plants? 
No, I actually hate flower smell for some reason?
7: do you name your plants?Nope.
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?I play a lot of instruments but I wouldn’t say I express myself. I used to write poems but the my Great Depression hit. I guess writing?
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?
I put on a concert in this bitch.
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?Stomach.
11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?@dragonbornoflegend covered a lot of them already, but I’d like to add Bbless 
12: what's your favorite planet?Mars or Jupiter.
13: what's something that made you smile today?All the compliments @dragonbornoflegend gave me and @fuckthepersonthattookmyusername calling me a “Fucking n00b”
14: if you were to live with your best friend(s) in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?Lot’s of weird decorations, like the one from Icarly but more dicks. It’s clean. I don’t have any animals because I get sad when they die but I’m attached to everyone’s pets. Exposed brick, wooden furniture, a sunroom with a skylight. We have a recording studio for  Let’s Plays where we have game consoles and PC’s. Weapons hanging on the wall, embroidery and canvas prints with swear words on them. A liquor cabinet that, at this rate, I am probably locked out of. @dragonbornoflegend and @fuckthepersonthattookmyusername have two separate keys that need to be used to be unlocked. The sunroom looks out to the lights of the bustling center of downtown, and for once the air is filled with life and happiness, not depression and the constant desire to die. We eat garlic sticks from our cutting board that says “Eat the spaghetti to forghetti your regrehtti” and toast over a white wine to the sounds of honking below and Parks and Rec in our living room for the 7th time.
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!In space the skin on your feet peels off!
16: what's your favorite pasta dish?Macaroni and Cheese.
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?I really want to die my hair rainbow and shave the sides off my head again and wear it in a french braid so that way it’s all braided together.
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.
I am a stupid machine. Throwing up (A lot, like a lot a lot), Weak ankles, weird shit I eat, the countless number of city infrastructure me and @fuckthepersonthattookmyusername have stolen.
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?I don’t now but boy, did I. It was emo central. I had a lot of songs about my struggles and heart aches and a lot of drawings of people killing themselves.
20: what's your favorite eye color? The eyes are my favorite physical trait of any person. I gravitate to Green, but honestly everyone has pretty eyes.But I have the prettiest. (It’s the one physical trait I like about myself pls just let me have this.)
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.I used to tear my bags apart but ever since I was a senior in high school I told my dad I wanted a vintage military messenger bag, and he got me a brand new one from Rapid Dominance that was army approved or something. it has like 7 pockets, fits my laptop perfectly, is made out of a canvas outside but a soft inside (Like a normal bag), and basically I can carry all my stuff I need to take notes in lecture, and was perfect for when I was in high school. I also have a vintage army style going, a lot of olive green, So it looks nice too. It says United States army 1775 with the army star on it. I want to get some patches to decorate it with, because it’s my only bag that has lasted this long. It has seen 4 of my dads girlfriends and a lot of changes in my life. It’s just a good bag.
22: are you a morning person?Well I work third shift so yes and no? 
23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?I mean tbh it’s a lot of youtube and masturbating.(sorry family and friends)
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?I might tell them some day but I don’t tell anyone how bad living with my mom was.
25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?One time when I was growing up a family moved of a house on my block out and kept a lot of little things behind. Not that it was weird, but weird, but my brother, some friends, and I peaked into the window and my brother saw a giant purple crayon bank, and upon seeing it, he claimed it as his.So we break in (Keep in mind I am like, 7) and I stole a ceramic chicken. We get to the room with the crayon and he grabs the crayon and runs the front door of this house (where it’s snowing and people can see our foot prints) and yells on at the top of his lungs “I GOT THE CRAYON” While holding it above his 6′1″ head, making the rest of us run past him and back to my garage where we were “safe”That was pretty weird I guess.
26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?My work boots; I need to retire them soon.
27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? That strawberry shortcake desert one.
28: sunrise or sunset? I can see the sunset from my window so I guess that.
29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?Support me when I get triggered and not leave because I have what I am pretty sure are ptsd episodes. (I don’t want to self diagnose)
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?Truley scared?⁉️ 😂😂😂The fear😈 never💪stops🚫! We out here 💯 Fearin😣 erryday‼️ Thanks🙏 to my🤰 mom’s👊 physical👊 abuse👊‼️No but fr I had a pretty bad time living with my mom and I cope with it through humor. But there were times where I feared for my life, and seeing as the human body is hard wired to survival at all cost, I would say yes.
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.I just wear black socks, idk I’m too lazy to deal.
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.I again work third shift, so I am out past 3 AM a lot. @dragonbornoflegend told a good story. @fuckthepersonthattookmyusername and I took a trip to Alabama, and we stayed out till four in the morning in this small park in this small town with an old friend, and a friend we made that night. We layed in the middle of what is usually a busy street, quieted by the night and star gazed, started a fire in a grill then struggled to put it out, almost set the park on fire but swinging around a burning stick, and he tore down a light post with his bare hands and I stole a piece from the top of the post, all the while shooting the shit and being sober (New friend actually said that it was the first time he was sober in years and was one of the best times he had in a long time, which made me feel a type of way.)
33: what's your fave pastry?Anything that @dragonbornoflegend makes and blesses me with being allowed to eat it.
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?When I was in sixth grade my school had a girls only lock in. It was like a girl positivity boot camp. Some of it was helpful and good for young girls to hear, but they also did that thing where they said “Your sexuality is like a piece of tape” so you know. But they had a bunch of stuffed animals they gave away to all the girls there. And I was the first person to pick and there was a stuffed husky there, and when I picked it the entire place sighed. His name was Brownie (Like the Cleveland browns football mascot who is a dog) at first, then I changed it to phoenix. He has bright blue eyes, black fur on top, white fur on bottom. He had lost some of his stuffing when I got him so I re stuffed him and sewed him back up. I still have him.
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?Lol I am too sloppy for that mess but I’m proud of you if you do this.
36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?
Kidz bop
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?
Cleaner than messier, but I wouldn’t call it clean.
38: tell us about your pet peeves!Being called a dog, being called stupid, etc.
39: what color do you wear the most?Olive green, blue, red, and black.
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?@dragonbornoflegend bought @fuckthepersonthattookmyusername and I a friendship necklace a few christmases ago. It means a lot to me.
41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?Catch 22
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!Really I get coffee anywhere. I like the aesthetic of them but I don’t really go because I’m broke.
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?That Alabama trip.
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?After we celebrated @fuckthepersonthattookmyusername‘s birthday with an extensive scavenger hunt, and being out till like 4 am the night before to get up at 9, we crashed at @dragonbornoflegend‘s house after eating some bomb ass cake. We talked for a bit, but eventually just fell asleep on The twin bed/chair together for like 4 hours. That was nice.
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?Yes and no. It depends on how much self doubt I have at the time.
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.I would think of one because I am the PUNisher of my friend group but  @dragonbornoflegend really nailed it earlier with “I have one that’s pretty saint-like lately. Bc they’re holey.”, because my back has open wounds in them. I have literal holes in my body.
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?Pineapples so they can never ruin a pizza again.
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?My mom and Y E P. Also I am afraid of AI and the deep sea which was not when I was a kid.
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?I used to but not much now. I bought one from a band called Ice Nine KIlls.
50: what's an odd thing you collect?That cermaic rooster actually started a ceramic nick-nack collection.
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?@dragonbornoflegend‘s mom- Fuck you.
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?Yes.
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?I’ve seen Heathers the musical and that was Lit.
54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?My dad.
55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?I am Petty™ so pretty much everything I do lol.
56: what are some things you find endearing in people?Good humor, intelligence, and kindness.
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?I love Bohemian Rhapsody but that song is 6 minutes and a vine long and I Will Not.
58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I’d say @dragonbornoflegend because they love cats and share cooking videos on facebook and have secret family discourse, where I am the vodka Aunt because I am a walking meme.
59: what's your favorite myth?My Happiness (Also I love mythology)
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Edgar Allen Poe because my emo heart bleeds for it.
61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?I like to think I am good at gift giving, but I once got a small kids shirt when I was 16 (I have always been overweight) that had a Heart on it and smelled like Ice Tea.
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?If I did it would be grape juice, I love grape juice. Not enough to but it though.
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?Nope. My room is a trashcan of media.
64: what color is the sky where you are right now?White, with some blue poking through.
65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? 
My work friends. My back holes have me out of work.
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?Lot’s of dark flowers with red and purple. 
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?I like it.
68: what's winter like where you live?Usually mild but global warming dun goofed.
69: what are your favorite board games?Anything made by WOC
70: have you ever used a ouija board?Nope and you can’t keep them the fuck away from me. foh.
71: what's your favorite kind of tea?
Honestea. It’s easier to swallow than realitea. 
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?Nope.
73: what are some of your worst habits?Being alive.
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.My two closest friends are both guys so. Sir Farts a Lot, and Sir Silicone Valley.
75: tell us about your pets!She died almost a month ago
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?For once no.
77: pink or yellow lemonade?Neither please.
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?If I could develop one superpower, it would be the ability to snap my neck on command so that way when I next saw a minion I could kill myself instantly as to never see one again.
79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?Cared about me after I treated them with abuse and harm.
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?Yellow and white. My landlord picked them because they pop???
81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.The color of the blackest coffee when neutral, but like when coffee is poured, golden when light passes through it.
82: are/were you good in school?I got good grades and didn’t get into trouble, but that was just because I didn’t get caught.
83: what's some of your favorite album art?I like the Grateful Dead album, if nothing for all the shitty shirts walmart sells of it.
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?YES. I want to get a french bread in American Traditional that says “I don’t deny myself bread” A grey jedi symbol where the positive space is galaxy colors and stars, a simple map of I-71, and eventually a sleeve.
85: do you read comics? what are your faves?I read the punisher when I grew up.
86: do you like concept albums? which ones?It’s been a long time since I’ve listened to concept albums but I like them. THere’s this one where all the songs flow into the other and it’s basically like this dudes journey through the desert, I don’t remember the name tho.
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Life is too short man do what you want. But watch Avatar: The Last Airbender.
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? I don’t know what it’s called but graffiti is neat.
89: are you close to your parents?I haven’t talked to my mom in 3 years and tbh Idk if she’s alive at this point. I used to be close to my dad but it’s kinda wishy washy.
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.Cleveland gets a bad rap, but it is filled with culture. Polish bakers, german restaurants, rock n roll hall of fame. It’s not that bad.
91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I’m going to cape cod for a wedding.
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?CHEESE TO PLEASE.
93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?Sidecut.
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?My little cousin. 
95: what are your plans for this weekend?I don’t have any, I’m pretty spontaneous. 
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?Never.
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?ENTP (Usally), Leo, gryffindor when I take the full test, but my pottermore account says hufflepuff
98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?I don’t remember but yeah.
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.Living louder.- The Cab.
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?
If I gotta hit one I’m going with the future one because my past is sad and my now is only kinda better so hopefully I’ll be out of college with a job that isn’t lifting 70 pounds repeatedly in the dead of night.
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shrugman · 7 years
Note
all of them
alright buddy here we go
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?idk man probs cereal 
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?no it feels like jack frost hit me with his dick
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?rn a plane ticket
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?milk and sugar because I love death
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?I like my closed mouth smile but you’ll have to kill me to get me to use teeth
6: do you keep plants?I try
7: do you name your plants?always
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?poetry 
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?yeh
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?on side, one leg curled up under me like a flamingo, hand on the tiddie
11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?okay first of all *friend, second of all; cheese pizza
12: what's your favorite planet?ur mum lmao
13: what's something that made you smile today?stephanie 
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?800 succulents and 400 pillows
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!“Gliese 581 c wants to kill you“
16: what's your favorite pasta dish?Alfredo 
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?purple, did it. also jet black but not worth the risk tbh
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.....stairs
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?I have a poetry book I guess
20: what's your favorite eye color?all
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.I got it at an antique shop and it’s a smiley face back pack but I left it with katie because she needed it more than I did
22: are you a morning person?no
23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?die
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?My one true love, Stephanie
25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?abandoned hotel on base
26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?I wear by black boots every day but I’ve only had them for like 4 months
27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?cherry lime
28: sunrise or sunset?set
29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?When I make Stephanie laugh over snapchat she sends me a picture with her mouth wide open and idk it always makes me smile
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?I spent the last month in fear I’d be killed by terrorists 
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.this is too many questions 
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.nah
33: what's your fave pastry?anything cherry tbh
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?Teddy Bair was a gift from my dad to my mom but I loved him so much I stole him and he became mine. He’s on my bed at college with me rn
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?I like gel pens and I color with them
36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?TOP
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?I like it cleanish but it’s always messy because that’s my biggest depression problem 
38: tell us about your pet peeves!people not shutting up ever
39: what color do you wear the most?black 
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?I have a locket my sister got me like 10 years ago that has a picture of us
41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?tbh idk
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!It’s in Japan and Katie and I used to spend hours there together. It’s where we really became friends 
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?the astronomy club lmao
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?never
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?about certain things
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.I really don’t want to 
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?kale
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?the dentist. yes
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?I haven’t in a while bc I have no way to play them
50: what's an odd thing you collect?tears
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?Stephanie- true friends 
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?Have there really been any?
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?Heathers is my favorite movie
54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?this is a rude question
55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?at this point I don’t even know
56: what are some things you find endearing in people?when they have little things that make them light up
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?no
58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?I’m the vodka mom and Stephanie is the vodka aunt and we both are the wine gay cousin 
59: what's your favorite myth?tbh idk
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?I do but I can’t think of a specific fav
61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?mean question 
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?I drink ALL JUICE ALL DAY
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?leave them be and then organize them every now and again
64: what color is the sky where you are right now?idk prolly dark blue/black
65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?I always wanna see Stephanie 
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?black roses and light pink accent flowers
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?sad
68: what's winter like where you live?cold
69: what are your favorite board games?monopoly 
70: have you ever used a ouija board?I’m not THAT white
71: what's your favorite kind of tea?no
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?nah
73: what are some of your worst habits?yeah we don’t have time for that
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.v good v pure best person on planet 
75: tell us about your pets!dog!!!!!!!!!!!!
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?so many things
77: pink or yellow lemonade?yellow. Idk what makes it pink
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?please stop bringing them up
79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?i dunno
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?white. no I live in a dorm
81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.wow it sees 
82: are/were you good in school?for the most part
83: what's some of your favorite album art?I like the all about us cover
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?the only one I want rn is one matching stephanie 
85: do you read comics? what are your faves?who do u think i am
86: do you like concept albums? which ones?idk
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Heathers, Ghost Busters (2016), Creepy Hanna Doll
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?I like stick figures that show emotion
89: are you close to your parents?yeah I think
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.I like Fredericksburg because it’s boring as fuck but it’s one of the only places that I can even kinda call home
91: where do you plan on traveling this year?too many places
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?give me it all
93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?down with nothing done but blow drying it
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?It’s Matthew’s today :D
95: what are your plans for this weekend?cry
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?push it off for SO long
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?can’t remember, Capricorn, Slytherin 
98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?idk for hiking 
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.whenever I’m really really sad I listen to Iris on repeat 
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?I guess future because I don’t wanna go back. But also I don’t think I even want to risk skipping 5 years because who knows if I’ll miss out on something I really wanna be here forThat took FOREVER ily 
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sdqhtxt · 6 years
Text
something random part uno
stolen from my favourite blog to stalk (thanks heidy)
////////
1. when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? - more milk than cereal 
2. do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? - i think i would? if singapore did have any kind of seasons apart from summer. winter sounds like a nice time
3. what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? - receipts, mostly. i’ve used polaroids before also though
4. how do you take your coffee/tea? - i like my coffee with an expresso shot. but i love my tea as good old teh peng
5. are you self-conscious of your smile? - i think? it’s one of my best points! tbvh. like i prefer my smiling face to my dao face HAHA so nope not all
6. do you keep plants? - i don’t! bcos i’m scared of tobi killing them or eating something wrong tbh
7. do you name your plants? - if i did have a plant, it’d be a succulent named steve
8. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? - writing is my go to tbvh
9. do you like singing/humming to yourself? - i sing too much bcos i’m annoying af but u know i like to so who rlly gives a shit abt anyone else
10. do you sleep on your back, side or stomach? - i like sleeping on my side when i’m ready 2 sleep but when i’m still thinking but on my bed i fall asleep on my back
11. what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? - the joke is we all want to die (jk this is also a joke)
12. what’s your favorite planet? - B612 but it’s not really a planet isn’t it
13. what’s something that made you smile today? - my intern friends tbvh! i was really glad to see them and fuck am i going to miss the shit out of them 
14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? - probably really sparse, probably really messy but eh good enough
15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! - the largest star in the universe is being eaten by a black hole 
16. what’s your favorite pasta dish? - apparently, lasagna is a pasta so lasagna it is (but i rlly like spaghetti aglio olio!!)
17. what colour do you really want to dye your hair? - i wanna go grey wew 18. tell us something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - my mom almost sat on me as a baby because she thought i was a tissue box LOL
19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it? - not anymore! i used to just doodle a lot of ugly drawings and write a lot of #angst in it but these days i think i just consume all my feelings
20. what’s your favorite eye color? - green eyes are so pretty!!!
21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - none of my bags have really been through hell and back with me but one of my fave backpacks is this longchamp one my mom got for me from london!!! 
22. are you a morning person? - never
23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? - sleep tbvh or watch a lot of youtube
24. is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? - no
25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? - to this rooftop place above my workplace!! it was kinda scary but also pretty fun. (nothing was really broken, it was just kinda me going through a window
26. what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? - my adidas shoes!!!
27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? - strawberry or plain mint
28. sunrise or sunset? - i feel like sunrises feel more special bcos it’s rarer for me to see them
29. what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? - i have a friend that screams after sneezing and it’s actually super fucking cute lmao
30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared? - realiity’s terrifying enough 
31. what’s your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really just talk about socks. - i LOVE socks, weird socks are the fucking bomb sometimes i sleep with socks bcos i feel like it and NO I don’t think i have any plain white socks left my ultimate fave pair of socks was actually this green and grey striped ones i used to wear all the time for netball but now it’s missing but a lot of my socks are basically missing now bcos of my cat so i’m a socks girl living in a sockless world tbh
32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3am when you were with friends. - after 3am it tends to get either really deep or just really sleepy or we’re all just kinda tipsy but it’s all fun 
33. what’s your fave pastry? - i am not much of a pastry person? but if donuts are a pastry i fucking love donuts 34. tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? - i had a plush cow named moomoo and i still have it but it’s in my storeroom i don’t sleep with it anymore but like it has a really interesting story tbh like a classmate of mine stole it for me when we were in p1 but i didn’t know but apparently the teacher found out and reprimanded a bunch of us bcos we asked her to get it for us but like,, how would i know she would have stolen it right
35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? - STATIONERY IS THE SHIT like notebooks are my shit man it’s not about the cover tho it’s about the paper and like wah my fave pen is that one particular brand that’s really smooth to write with but like it’s so lovely although it’s ballpoint also i used to have a whole collection of like proper drawing pens!! and like just it’s so nice fuck i love stationery!! THE BEST HIGHLIGHTERS ARE MILDLINERS AND LIKE brush markers are so good okay ya let me stfu
36. which bands sound would fit your mood right now? - maybe like secondhand serenade i’m feeling like an emo kia
37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean? - i love it being clean but like it’s probably at the messiest it is rn
38. tell us your pet peeves! - people who can’t throw their rubbish into the bin OR LIKE clear their table after eating at a place where u can clear ur own table and people who speak in their mother tongue around people who don’t know the language AND like when ppl use racist terms to be “in” or “cool” and shit BUT YA THE worst thing is when ppl bring down the mood of other people around them just bcos their own like mood is shit
39. what color do you wear the most? - i wear a lot of colours/? so i can’t really choose one omg
40. think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? - i have a whale necklace who i got from someone who i used to really really like! it’s still with me now because i think it’s one of the sweetest things i’ve received from someone tbvh 
0 notes
thelibraryshow · 7 years
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When you realize
Don’t bother to check Facebook. If they were your friends, they’d call or you’d make plans to do something. Friendships are not sustained by a thumbs up. Those aren’t my friends.. I’ve just known them for a long time. They have little or no idea what my daily life is like, even those I’ve known for almost 20 years. I actually pay attention and pretty much know what they’re up to IF anyone still posts anything real, non-commercial, or non-self promotional. It’s mostly reposts. I don’t even look at people’s pages, I don’t need to see another airbrushed, perfectly lit “candid” of your conventional family, the one you finally built, or your new car- the ford you’ve always dreamed of. I don’t really care about your favorite cartoon and I’m not buying your Tupperware, your paintings, and I’m pretty sure now hat we can choose precisely what we see, I’m on exactly nine lists. How do I know this? I always get nine likes. 23 if it’s something you have to like; a picture of your mom or someone who died young, anything military, your ugly new baby or anything nature-centric. Whatever the trend is, they will “like” it. Give it a try. Tumblr… well, I like the anonymity. This is the kind of stuff you’d share with your FB friends in the past or tell them over lunch in the way, way past. My real stuff got me alienated. I know the exact post that blackballed me with my white friends enhanced my standing with my black friends. My Asian friends love perfection, innovation and art. Girls? Depends on the girl. Guys? I don’t post pictures celebrating how many turkeys I bagged or the antlers of all he bucks I killed this year so… In my flesh & blood life, I get it! The people I’ve been close to the last year split when they figure out I’m really not going to show them how awesomely comfy by bed is.
I’m confused about all of this. From a thriving, overwhelming social life that just fell on top of me to a social life populated with users, losers and people who want to “chill”. I finally figured out that chill is code for sex in certain circles. Yeah, who knew? Not me, because I don’t speak American slang.
I’m lonely as fuck but id almost rather the only people I spoke to today were my mum, Aiden and a few cashiers. The cashiers were friendly enough & my family is always there… if I make the first move. Think I prefer my mother & the cashiers most days. No baggage. I’ve been a hardcore wardrobe slut since I bought my first bespoke blazers to comply with the handbook from my first boarding school. In this big Japanese house, my dressing room is between my room and the library. Typical living room size. I lounge there... I feel the hand-woven vintage fabrics, the suedes, the furs. This room feels more mine than my studios. Because however I want to present myself on a given day is neatly folded and hung behind glass doors? No, because I like shopping and this room is designed as a shopping experience. Mirrors surpass my 6'2". Rack piece of furniture Is a one off, designed for, imported by and beautifully crafted by five generations of my family. The library and every other room are similar. Does anyone know what it feels like to live in a museum spanning early 18th century to landmark mid century modern to early American? Carefully curated. It's everything and exclusively what I want to live with. Nothing more. It has to be... because.. .
I'm Working on getting accustomed to life without much human interaction. But then I’ve been working on that for a decade. I’m very social. How do I extract that trait?
People who like me like me a lot. Too much. People who don’t like me never say so, they just do shitty things- like when your cat gets pissed and poops on your bed. That’s never happened & my cats live in pure feline luxury as do my guests. People rave over my house. My cats? I give them what I used to give people I cared for. Time, attention, whatever they need or want. Try that with most humans. Turns out I don't draw convincing boundaries.
I used to have a lot of money. I spent it freely. I entertained, I traveled, I collected, I surround myself with lush gardens, and at times, gilded interiors. literally. I picked up the bill and ordered the cars... I spent extravagant sums on my art practice. Those same friends either bought or stole so much art I don’t even exhibit anymore. I design and redesign my gardens. Extreme gardening is a great replacement for interactions but even that garnered unwanted attention so, I opened my gardens to the public to raise money for a cause that didn't save one life, feed one person or clothe one kid, though the public library was something I did believe in before I realized they have never been short one dime.. 400 people in my garden, a years preparation.. in return I frequently looked out my window to see a couple of little old ladies treating my space like a public botanical garden. It was amusing the first couple of times. Then I moved.. and took the garden with me. Every tree, every stone. It took six months to relocate an extreme landscape, but it was satisfying. My extraordinarily well heeled gardener had quit by then. Work wasn’t his thing.
I’m alone in my new house. It’s mostly glass and big windows. It’s open with secret passageways between rooms and I love it more and more. I've become attached though not necessarily secure. I know I’m on the clock. Counting the days till I relocate this landscape too. My sources for hedging material and anything related to anything I do have pulled away, so, don’t ask how I obtain my materials. I haven’t figured out if I’m awful or if people like me who always have funds but no visible means of earning those funds are seen with suspicion. A few people continuously try to figure it out. They never get it quite right & the few I told didn't believe me so I never told anyone again.
I’ve been dating someone new. He doesn’t call, he’s autistic, he thinks he’s in love with me… or he did last time I saw him. He too wants something quite physical so I can’t see it surviving summer. It’s okay though, I’m getting good at resisting attachments. It’s painful. I suppose hermits gradually grow thicker skin? Or are they sad, miserable people numbing themselves to what they desire? I’ve Met numb people. They’d given up. They were like me; they never fit in and weren’t willing to sacrifice what they loved about themselves or what alienated others.
So, full circle? I resist attachments and can’t recognize a friend when it appears. I really am preparing to be alone. A hermit more or less. The weird cousin or uncle who’s never around. “ I’m not around because hearing how unusual and exotic I am got old the first time you observed it”.
Kinda lonely. Trying to become accustomed to it. Im to young and I still want... Replacing people with rare plants. I miss being center stage. I miss clubbing all night. I miss making pasta for a house full of people. I miss sharing my house, my food…my music especially. I miss making art in my studio. I miss my big family. I miss the illusion of friendship. I miss my one friend who knew everything about my favorite subject: art and design. I miss my crew: the people you never see by day.. because we’re resting up and shopping for something to wear out the next night. I miss long conversations about ancient, obscure books. I miss my friend Greg. The only solace is he died a year ago. Solace because we never split up. We watched every pre-1950 movie we could get our hands on. We spoke the same language, usually obscure references to films no one in any other part of my much compartmentalized life will ever know. I miss Greg. I miss NOT feeling like this. Crying, but nothing comes out. If I could have a good cry, I think I’d feel better. I miss being 100% sober. I take sleeping meds and anxiety meds now. I have a brilliant new psychiatrist I see every month or two. I look forward to it, but looking forward to it means looking forward to the onset of cold weather which presents a thousand other trials Yeah, I think about suicide. I know how and I know I can go anytime I like, but I’ve kind of promised myself I’d stick around as long as my mother does. She’s the only family I talk to besides my dad, when he’s not golfing and my nephew who’s five and adores Me. I know where adoration leads in my family. These people turn on a dime, especially when he becomes an athletic super star and his father finally gives a fuck. I’m a bit like a place holder when it comes to nephews. Tomorrow is my older nephews HS graduation. I’m not invited. When they’re young, my brother can’t be bothered to do so much as feed them. Then they grow up and do something that pleases him. Then it’s my son this, my son that. The most stunning thing about not being invited to any corner of this kids graduation isn’t that I’m not invited on the trip, it’s that before he was born, my aunt warned me not to get too close to him… and then she died. How was she so spot on? You know what else? Very, very little has come about which wasn’t available info to anyone paying attention to the patterns of my family over generations. If my family were a publicly traded stock, I’d be a trillionaire. As it stands I learned late how to use this to my advantage, though I know how to profit from each of them in some way. it doesn’t make me sad seeing what my nephew is, it makes me sad having to face it instead of guess at it and hear my mother deny what I thought, and now know to be truth. The only think I felt about that was I pretty: I thought of cutting him off financially. It’s paperwork I don’t want to do, it would ignite a chain reaction with My own inheritance, and in the end, he will never need anyone else’s money. If I do nothing and get hit by a bus, this snotty little bastard gets everything I have. I talked to my friend piyush tonight, he’s home in India now. He told me I’m always on my Mind. The best part is he’s always on my Mind too. Lots of people are on my Mind and I like knowing I may see them sometime. Piyush told me he was thinking of me and when he says it, I know he means it. I know it because we have ups and downs. He’s been rotten to me, I’ve been rotten to him maybe, we live in the real world. That relationship has sustained so much. It’s not the conditional, situational relationship one is accustomed to. Some good things happened today.
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