#it's never the same anymore looking back

[sophsicle]

time is so fucking scary. because it does not care if you are happy. you will think I wish to stay like this, right here in this moment. i have found my place. but then time comes like a wave and pushes you forward. you cannot stay. and neither can the people you love. forward forward forward. time has ripped the claws from my hands, and the teeth from my mouth, as I have tried to cling to yesterday. but you must move forward forward forward. Forward forward forward. Forward forward forward. Forward forward forw—

#i recently went back to the place in which i was happiest in my life #and it has changed and doesn't look the same #and doesn't belong to me anymore #and quite honestly nothing aches quite like knowing #that no matter what i do i can never go back #that even if i stayed it would have all gone away anyway #that i had to move forward #and i had to let go of the things that made me happy #because time wouldn't stop #soph rambles

[sunmoontruth-stiles]

I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.

#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her #and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura #he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life #deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was #he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means. #when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial. #the best he can do at least #he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times. #often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship #but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost. #22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way #Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless #he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it #she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes. #he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone #he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home. #can’t bare to see another shell of a home #he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes #Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon #but promises feel costly these days #he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura #someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here #his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long. #Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place. #clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them #but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here #he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention #he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves. #he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods #he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.

[enden-k]

im so tired of being a sleepy boy

#i napped for 2 hours bc i was so sleepy and still am. why. #i hydrated enough im not having an episode im not sick and no meds are causing it (i think) and the sun is not out so why!!!! #what am i supposed to do aaaaa!!!!!!! sleep for an entire day until i had sm sleep im sick of it?? 😭 #i dozed off in the middle of sketching like cmon!!! #looking it up will tell me i have some rare kind of deadly disease and i dont wanna go to my doc and tell him im a sleepy googoogaga #this man is funnily enough my childhood doctor i went to before my adoption so he knows well enough how sleepy i am #considering my grandparents always tell i was fhe quietest baby ever and never screamed or cried they thought i just passed away or #was sick bc i just slept all day #so yss hes well aware of youn and his chronic sleepy sleepiness since baby times #actually thats over 20 years ago and my doc still looks the same #meaning super hot #which is confusing #this man did check ups on me when i was like 6 and 20 years later he kneads my popped out vertebrae back into place like im an old man #and he just looks exactly the same #this messes wifh my brain i think i need to nap on this #personal #tbd #idk why i rambled so hard while in the process of waking up my condolences if anyone read this far #im not even sleepy anymore bc i thought so hard about my doctor and his secret immortality my brain is actually working #🤔 ah

[yokyoaaa]

OMGOMGYY AUGSHSHBS THANKUALLL SOMUCHHH

Random personal thing, it's literally so funny that in my first post I thought kirby was just a lil hiperfixation that will eventually fade over time- someone in the tags of my first post said that hiperfixations never truly go away- they're so right

Anyways- thank u all so much for sticking by!! I can't wait to come up with more art and ideas in the future :D

#personal #edit: little known fact about me #i was an instagram migrator #i used to own an insta art account (not kirby-specific) only random art #but it was so hard to gain traction- i’ve used the same acc for 3-4 years yet my followers were still in the 300’s #it’s not that im chasing for the big numbers I just crave interaction 🫠 #i said fuck it. i don’t wanna use insta anymore lmao #moved to tumblr with a completely new username and never looked back #and i was surprised with how fast I am with gaining followers- I’ve been here for like 1-2 years #and again TYSM FOR THISSS i know it doesnt really seem like a big number to y’all #but it is to me 😭❤️

[arsonist-chicken]

btw in absolutely unsurprising news I fucked up the exam of that class I'm taking for the third time badly again.

in very surprising news, apparently Something happened, idk if the dean said something to the professor or I looked like a distressed broken down wet rat enough or he just doesn't want to see me in his class again or idk, maybe it's not good for him if someone fails his class three times, but he actually offered that I could do a written exam on friday instead? which. is extremely surprising. good, because it gives me another afternoon to study and I can draw and go back to questions on a written exam, even if I have to shuffle around the other exams and papers now, just. very surprising.

#lol but next semester is the fucking seminar again with also the same professor #idk how you can teach such shitty classes regularly and never think hmmm maybe i should change something #with the amount of people having to take the classes at least twice #anyway good for me i'll keep crying over uni the rest of the week and the weekend too and then i'll do stuff next week #like i need to call my insurance and annoy them in person until they say yes to any therapist who will have me #and call the other thing #and oh i really need to find a different GP because i'm soundly back at the stage of where i can literally not think two sentences #after each other without trailing off or it taking up extremely much energy just to remember which store i wanted to go to #and i'm aware that stress and mental illness causes brain fog or whatever #but i've been stressed before but this only started last autumn and i need a different doctor to look at it #who won't just say oh it's just iron levels #there's something wrong with my brain and i need someone competent who actually cares to look at it and tell me #if therapy will fix this or if it's a physical problem #please let it be just brain fog htat therapy can fix i don't have time for this #i just want to sleep and cry until this bs is over but semester break starts next week but i still have exams then and a whle list of #stuff to do for uni still plus stuff otuside. like a doctor. and sleep a normal amount instead of in weird horu intervals on my desk and in #my clothes on my bed or floor or wherever i am at the moment my brain decides it's over now #also friends. i wanted to catch up. also a job. like. yeah i need a job even if idk how i'll do uni and a job with the way my brain is righ #now #huh. oh i have another exam in half an hour. send help i don't want to go to uni anymore #mine #still don't know what that class or the seminar next semester are about btw but we moce #*move #goddamn it I'm TIRED and not just in the physical sense #i'm so goddamn done with uni and insurances deciding about psychotherapy and the general state of the world and cost of living #and i miss my friends and i want to visit them but nither them nor me have time and travelling is expensive #and ijust want a goddamn fucking break but i don't see one comign anytime soon. not before summer #but probably not even then #and after that i'll start working so like #at least no goddamn seminars anymore but i still absolutely dread having to decide where i want to work a

[infizero]

showing my growth by rejecting the “every ship gets happily married and becomes wonderful parents to lovely children” mindset and admitting that many pairings should just not be parents

#long gone are my days of woobifying shadow and sanitizing sonadow down to aw cute hedgehogs and one of them is traumatized #they are RIVALS and shadow will never be that lovey dovey with sonic even if they have been dating for 30 years thats just not who he is #they can find happiness/contentment in each other like i imagined but that sprinkle of toxicity would never rlly go away #and again even if theyre perfectly happy existing like that. not a good environment for a kid! #i dont even imagine them getting married anymore like i still like my idea of the ''cat orphanage w a chao garden'' house that they live in #but they wouldnt be married. they'd be partners and sonic would live there. but he'd ''live there'' in the same way he lives with tails #in that. its a place to come back home to when needed but a lot of the time hes just elsewhere exploring and having adventures and stuff #and shadow would probably tag along on a lot of these adventures. but not all of them #also feeds into part of my idea for the future which has always been present which is just. sonic being romantically involved w a couple #other ppl (knuckles for example) #those relationships dont have a label theyre just friends and then sometimes theyll kiss or go on dates or something #he and shadow are partners. thats concrete. everything else is just fluid/undefined (also should clarify that this is in like a poly way lol #shadow is aware of these relationships and has no problem with them and sonic knows that) #anyways i didnt mean to ramble but i have been thinking about this recently #how i'd modify my older idea of sonadow in the future #thats the end. ps once again promoting the poly sonic agenda. if you look at him and you dont think hes poly. youre just wrong im sorry #(excluding aroace sonic enjoyers for obvious reasons lol) #serena.txt

[perenlop]

2023 - 2021 ^^

#... what two years on E looks like- #basically dia has been woman beamed and given a much needed redesign now that ive decided shes a purugly fusion #also changed the badge. fun fact when you get to the guildmaster rank #youre allowed to design your own personal badge. most make it resemble their species #wigglytuff back in the day did it too #ribombee there is also getting a redesign. he got manbeamed #his name was stella but i dont really like that anymore. especially when he'll be next to shona and spectra #whose names kinda match deliberately but stella isnt intentional and he is NOT on their level at all #and it just doesnt match his vibe at all its very much a first draft name that never went away. same with dia whose name im also reconsider #reconsidering

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

#purrs #delete later #covid19 #i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill / #immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in #any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy #for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the #throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more) #disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in #ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and #healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to #school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist #anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to #access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i #HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i #need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have #that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way #it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator. #* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear #for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in #part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I #think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.

[cherrymoonvol6]

the worst part about flapjack's death is that luz and hunter's friendship died right along with it lmao

#idk it's just funny. TTT goes so fucking far in order to say that luz and hunter have built a strong bond between them #to the point that luz calls him family #then luz is the only one who refuses to fight possessed hunter #she only gets close to him to hug him and do the 'this is not you!' middle school couple trope on him #not only that but flapjack entrusts his powers for luz when he sees what's become of hunter and THAT is what she CHOOSES to do #you know. flapjack who was caleb's palisman. who was there for the entirety of caleb and evelyn's romance to the point that belos- #-considers him a symbol of caleb's betrayal (his love for evelyn) #this is the same flapjack that looks at phillip trying to harm 'caleb' again and decides to literally put his powers in luz's hands #and ultimately his sacrifice means neither caleb or evelyn have to die again #which is kinda confirmed by the way hunter goes like 'there's a reason you and i are alive and here right now and it's because- #-it's our turn to defeat belos' like i didn't even have to reach for this. hunter says it himself #and this is all great and compelling and makes sense except for the fact that the show just forgets about this on the next two episodes #and so where the first episode establishes that luz and hunter are close friends FTF and WAD are like 'do they even know each other?idk idc #and i get to stare at the camera because OBVIOUSLY if hunter and luz were a couple this wouldn't be a problem to begin with #and flapjack's death loses meaning when it turns out that nothing about evelyn or caleb or the previous confrontations between belos and- #-the other grimwalkers has any bearing in the plot anymore #flapjack gave its life to preserve the love that changed the world back then but because it's just never acknowledged it's like. who cares #someone had to die and we can't kill one of the kids #shrugs #sorry i have so much resentment in my heart #but do not get it twisted. it's HILARIOUS to me that TOH is at its most compelling when the lunter/witteclaw parallels are at its strongest #and then shoots itself in the foot when they realize that they paired off both characters with other people #okay that's all i have to say by now #lunter #is this anything

[arcademgmt]

wonder if FV volo regrets that he has long since severed any chance to have a positive connection with yasuta but knows he deserves to have it be that way

#i am the one writing this. the answer is yes #despite the fact that he was the reason yasuta ended up in hisui. and that he used him obviously. i think he still cared in some weird way #which back then he would have never admitted and just rationalized in some other way #but nowadays. like scarvio era. i think he knows that he cared #and was trying to distance himself from any sort of genuine personal connection #but too bad. too late now because he's never going to look at you the same. and for good reason #he may have told you it doesn't matter anymore and all he cares about is that you're done pulling that world-reinventing shit #but you can tell that he is never going to really get along with you again. you have lost that connection #Sigh #magnus infodumps #floretverse

[icewindandboringhorror]

Misc. photos from the past year or so ~

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that -- #1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow #2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze #in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol #3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0 #4. CHILDREN.... love to see them..... #5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol #I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets #at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah #actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol #6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other #yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern #But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's #like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that #long. #7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something.. #probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one #maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas #are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry #and vastly anemic... huzzah to them... #8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had #an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own #long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt' #or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on #it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... ! #photo diary

[miodiodavinci]

about the packaged au, i've never really seen their full designs other than Kyo and smol Kyo [guitar was it?] where are they?? can i see them??

A H you can find most of the stuff related to it by heading here, but if you're interested in the designs Specifically here's the original post where i shared those for the gang w

#mio answers things #anon #and then for like 5 years after i posted that i repeatedly swore i was going to go back and make updated design sheets #and never did <3333 #it's fine the packaged au is essentially just a relic of 2013 - 2015 kyo hell that i'm not really sure what i think of any more #not in a negative way more just like #it used to stir such INTENSE loving emotions in me and now it is like #the same level of emotion you get from looking at a plain manila folder #like 'ooh' and that's about it w #there is Something going on with my brain chemistry and KYO but i don't think it's related much to the packaged AU anymore w #(not at all influenced by how salvador's updated lore has changed my fundamental fabric of existence w) #(not at all w) #maybe one day i'll put together some new little au things w #for now i am just. dying because of school w.

[tariah23]

Hi I hope this question makes sense but how would I call out friends use of what might be aave? Im worried about being wrong and it not being aave/sounding like a white knight but I dont want to ignore it.

Hi! And no, you’re fine. If you’re not black, it’s always best to look up terms and listen to what black people say to begin with, that’s the most important thing and if you’ve seen black people talk about a specific term that you might recognize as being aave, simply let your friends know that they shouldn’t really be using such terms in the first place since at this point, viewed as antiblack and micro aggressive because Black people have grown tired of having to talk about this same problem over and over again. Especially when they use such terms directed at Black people. If they continue to use the terms despite being told not to, then you already know what they are.

#I won’t deem everyone who isn’t black a full blown racist for continuing to use aave but it does show that they don’t respect us at all #and that being merely told about how harmful and uncomfortable it is for them to continue on using them while ignoring what black #people are always saying about such topics… well ��� #meh #anonymous #tkf replies #what can you do #people still make fun of how black peoples talk but as soon as our terms go viral and turned into stupid internet slang all of a sudden #there are white kids and nbs from the suburbs and across the world running them into the ground and misusing them like hell #and in the same manner #they don’t even realize that they just end up embarrassing themselves in the same way old people try to act ‘hip’ and with the times by #using slang #it’s very… #this is literally how it looks to black people whenever nbs and white folks use it #it’s just very uncomfortable #and it’s even worse when you have them explaining terms and adding their own twists and definitions to terms that they never understood to #begin with #it’s rather unsightly lol #makes me cringe #sometimes I don’t even say shit anymore because I’d see mutuals use aave and I’d go ‘um…. 🧍🏾‍♀️?’ like it’s so… #it always comes back to nbs and whites thinking that the way that black people talk is “’funny’ and when they want to act tough irl or over #the internet they start throwing out all sorts of aave terms like a baby learning it’s first words #the most incomprehensible string of words pulled together in hopes of appearing either ‘cool’ or ‘intimidating’ #it’s… 👎🏾 #funny thing is #the lot of these people don’t even have black friends or talk to black ppl in rl #a lot of them act like they’re afraid of us for some reason and would pull a 60’s white woman crossing the street so fast but be on the #internet talking about some ‘don’t get caught lackin!’ like oh brother #you get how this sounds right 😭!? it’s ridiculous