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#it's nice when people care but it's really hard not to feel like a burden
eubybubble · 3 months
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arguing with slytherin boys / pt.2
ft. Tom, Mattheo, Theodore, Lorenzo
warnings: curse words, mentions of abuse, addictions
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Theodore Nott
You wanted to help Theo, really. His smoking wouldn't have angered you if he wasn't going through two packs in a day. It was genuinely hard to express your concerns without sounding like a parent or authority figure. But as you attempted to have yet another “serious conversation” with him, you initially thought it was heading toward success. Turns out you just misunderstood his mocking tone as softness and surrender.
“Ah, so you care about me? Answer me, amore, are you my mother? Then tell me, why do my habits piss you off that much?” he advanced towards you, slowly cornering you until your back met the cold wall. You closed your eyes in a desperate attempt to pretend it's a nightmare, hoped for it to end sooner and start again. But it was real, and Theo barely controlled himself “Am I not good enough for Ms. Perfect? My “addictions” shouldn’t worry you, can’t you understand?” His fist landed just an inch away from your face.
Tom Riddle
You decided to drop in and check on Tom since he hadn’t been talking to you for a few weeks now. He was busy working on some project. You made a cute lunch and even drew his portrait with watercolor. You couldn’t contain your excitement as you hurried to his room. What will be his reaction? Did he miss you too? Reality hit harder than you could’ve ever imagined. He eyed you and things in your hand with a little to no interest.
“Just how many times did I tell you not to disturb me? Not to meddle in my business? I don’t need it," he stated firmly. His words rang in your ears, and you didn’t listen much as he continued, “I was right, in the end relationships proved to be troublesome trivia. It was nice to know you. But now, leave.”
Mattheo Riddle
You’ve been avoiding him for the last few weeks after hearing rumors about his ties to dark organizations and massacre in the outskirts of Hogsmeade. Now, he was confronting you. Can’t really escape when he’s towering right above you in the middle of a dorm room.
“Are we even dating at this point? ‘Cuz i feel like I’m a fucking joke to you, not a boyfriend” Mattheo calmly stood in front of you, staring at you with eyes full of hatred “Little bird told me you’re afraid of me. Why, is it because my surname is Riddle? I thought you weren’t that dumb like others to judge me on my family relations which I don’t give a fuck about” he spat out the last words. His lips curled in disgust as he shoved a box full of your gifts and memories into your hands, leaving you dumbfounded in the solitude of your room.
Lorenzo Berkshire
The last few weeks have been tough for every seventh-year at Hogwarts. Tables were cluttered with heaps of homework and essays, and an unhealthy number of coffee mugs in common rooms weren’t surprising anymore. Amidst this academic crisis, your boyfriend was the most affected one. He had to maintain his top spot, not for himself but for his parents.
You were genuinely worried about him and tried to help him unwind a bit, but he consistently refused and distanced himself even more. When you suggested going to Hogsmeade, he suddenly snapped, growling in frustration
“Just fuck off. I have a lot to manage, and you're being a burden right now. Can’t you spend a minute without me?” He kept ruffling his hair and rubbing his temples in annoyance. “I need a break” He didn’t care to explain what break he needed and didn’t even look at you as he left the common room in a hurry.
a/n: yes, i like making people suffer and yes there’ll be part 2 with Draco, Blaise and Regulus
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Okay so thought would Astarion just be uber happy if tav is just clinging to him and is like let me stay here where it is safe for just a little longer pleaseee
I think I'm feeling the energy. And it's an actual drabble instead of a novel! Cw: In-game references, spoilers, but this is just some fluffy fluff fluff.
~
When Astarion made the decision to seduce you, it had been based in cold rationality. In the short time he had known you, you had proven to be intelligent, capable, attractive enough for sex to not feel like a total burden, and extremely hard to kill. Using a falsified relationship to wrap you around his finger was the easy choice for survival. And it did work, with varying results.
Because you provided many, many complications. Like the unfortunate reality that Astarion quickly had grown sincerely fond of you. Not only were you impressively competent, you were fun. Hilariously bitchy in a way that never failed to make him laugh. But you were still kind, kind in a meaningful way that Astarion was simply not used to.
It had felt like a shock when you were so adamant about his right to be his own person. When you didn't make him bite that drow cretin he was struck with the realization that you actually cared about him. What that thing had been offering in return would no doubt have been useful to your journey, but you didn't even give it a second thought. And Astarion wouldn't soon forget how you saying, "He said no," with so much conviction had sent a shiver up his spine.
Perhaps the whole event sent him into a tailspin that ended with him admitting his, in-hindsight, horrible plan, but it had been worth it in the end. Gods knows why, but you didn't abandon him when he revealed the truth. You just listened. You listened and opened up your mind for him to see just how much you cared for him. A care he perhaps didn't deserve, but one he would take. Even if he had no idea what the two of you were doing anymore.
But he did know that something shifted in your relationship after that, the birth of a new kind of trust. Apparently, Astarion hadn't been the only one holding back.
Because seemingly overnight, you got a lot more touchy. A facet of yourself that he really had not seen coming. Not sexually, no. You had been nothing but a dream when it came to understanding the hang-ups he had with that particular topic. But you did suddenly decide that you loved holding hands. You loved hugging him, for no reason at all. The two of you went from the occasional night together before parting ways to simply sharing a tent. And gods were you a cuddler. Every morning he would wake up with you wrapped around him, peaceful and at ease as you slept in his arms.
And... it was nice. Really, really nice. Astarion had always assumed that he would loathe being with someone who was so tactile. But it turned out when every little touch wasn't leading to mediocre and/or horrifying sex they were actually quite enjoyable. It felt good to have you so close, to know that you felt safe and comfortable with him of all people. Nice enough for Astarion to slowly get addicted to it. He wasn't quite sure when his favorite past time became reading while you laid on top of him, but he knew it claimed to top spot with startlingly speed.
Even now, with Cazador still looming, the tadpoles still squirming behind your eyes, worries and responsibilities abound, Astarion felt completely at peace. He was laying flat on his back on his bed roll, a book in one hand and the other carefully petting your hair as you dozed off; your body completely draped over him. He'd have to wake you sooner than later. Baldur's Gate was only a day's journey away now, and if you wanted to make it there before nightfall then everyone would have to get moving. He could already hear the sound of the others shuffling about.
He snapped his book shut, setting it to the side before he gently shook you, "It's time to rise and shine darling, Baldur's Gate won't be saving itself."
You mumbled as you buried your face into his chest, your words slurred, "Don't wanna. Too early."
That was another change with this newfound phase of trust. Astarion had become the only person who knew your little secret of not being a morning person. In the first few moments of wakefulness, you were at your clingiest, your whiniest, surprisingly your most honest, and arguably your most adorable state of the day. A fact that you actively hid from the rest of the group out of sheer embarrassment, but Astarion thought it was cute.
Not to mention that it made him feel special, oddly enough. That he was the only one who was allowed to see you like this; who could take care of you like this.
Astarion laughed at your response, "Tell that to the sun sweetheart. It's high-time we got going."
Despite his own words, he wasn't really doing much to move the process along. If anything he was hindering it when he wrapped his arms around you, only helping to make you more comfortable instead of less.
But then again, maybe he wasn't quite ready to let you go yet either.
You shook your head against him, your hands tightening on the fabric of his shirt, "Le'mme stay, just a little longer."
"That's easy for you to say when you're not the one to get Lae'zel's wrath," Astarion lightly argued, still making no moves to actually hurry this process along. But it was true, Lae'zel always blamed your lateness on him, her favoritism towards you blatantly obvious. The bitch. But at least she was a bitch with good taste, "I would prefer not to be murdered by a gith for being tardy."
But you were already back to being half-asleep, your internal filter completely disintegrated as you mumbled, "Feels safe here, with you. Don't wanna let it go yet. Please?"
Gods, how the in the nine hells was Astarion supposed to say no to that? He didn't. Instead the grip he had on you only tightened, the happy little sigh you let out at the movement striking him straight through the heart. He felt so... happy in that moment, through nothing more than the simplicity of holding you. Because you trusted him. You felt safe with him, which might as well have been a love confession in Astarion's world. It felt so good to have this, an intimacy that he'd been denied for centuries.
Astarion settled back, letting his own eyes close as he smiled. The others would get the two of you eventually, but until then he wasn't going anywhere. No, the two of you would be staying right here.
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mylonelylittlestar · 2 months
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XAVIER: RED FLAGS
Summary: Some of Xaviers' tiny and massive red flags Warnings: mentions of murder
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Will sometimes not show up to dates because he didn't hear his alarm in his sleep. He feels guilty about it, but it will happen again.
Can't cook at all. Genuine fire hazard in the kitchen, which is pretty bad for a normal human, but he's like... old. He should know how to cook.
Too calm about murder. Like he just isn't bothered when he has to kill people. Doesn't care about corpses and blood, etc. There's no guilt, no shame, nothing. It's a regular Tuesday for him.
He gets a bit confused when you freak out about him killing someone, not realising how odd his behaviour is from your point of view until you spell it out for him.
He probably takes the health of your heart as seriously as Zayne does (if not more seriously) and he will never explain why. He doesn't see the point in coming clean about that stuff.
He will also probably never explain the star tassel on his sword. He will just say that someone he loved very dearly gave it to him a long time ago and never tell you that he's talking about you. He doesn't realise that it makes you feel like you're the second choice unless you explicitly tell him.
Eats your leftovers without asking. Doesn't matter what it is. He's like a racoon.
He will also eat stale chips and flat soda without complaint when he's hungry (and he's always hungry)
Has no playlists on Spotify. He just listens to his liked songs on shuffle
You could get murdered next to him, and he would accidentally sleep through it (and then he would hunt down the people who killed you and wait for your next reincarnation)
Does not own a single pen. Not even one. Or kitchen scissors. Or tape. Or straws. Or more than 3 cups and 4 plates. But he does have a bedframe and nice curtains and bedsheets and beautiful towels, and that makes him better than a lot of other guys.
Has to buy new headphones every 3-5 months because he keeps losing them. He usually forgets them on the subway.
He takes a lot of time in the shower. Sometimes you think he fell asleep while washing out his shampoo.
Top player in the world in some shitty mobile game like garden scapes. He has definitely spent money on it as well after promising himself he would never do that, and thousands of older women worldwide ask themselves who that mysterious number 1 player is who's somehow level 18457
Regularly has to Google most phrases that people around him use because he genuinely doesn't understand them. He also still uses slang that is decades old (he's been alive for a long time and trends die quickly okay. It's hard to keep up with all that stuff)
Takes inaccuracies in historical dramas very personally
Doesn't talk much about his thoughts and feelings unless you explicitly ask him to do so. Would much rather talk about yours instead. He doesn't really think his own thoughts matter that much compared to yours.
He regularly has nightmares about his past. Especially about you dying in his arms (anecdotes 3). He never talks about his nightmares with you. Even begging will not soften him up. To him it would just be an unnecessary burden to place onto your shoulders.
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theambitiouswoman · 8 months
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SELF TALK. Replacing the NEGATIVE things we say to ourselves with POSITIVE words 🦄💜✨✨
When we say bad things about ourselves, our minds and bodies pay attention and start believing those things. It's like a cycle. When we keep telling ourselves we're not good enough or can't do things, our minds start thinking it's true. These bad thoughts can make us act in ways that match what we believe, like avoiding things because we think we'll fail. Over time, our brain gets used to these thoughts and they become a regular part of how we see ourselves.
But if we say good things to ourselves, it can be really helpful. When we're kind in how we talk to ourselves, it can make us feel better and stronger. It's like giving ourselves a little boost of confidence. When we're positive, we can handle problems better and feel less stressed. When we believe good things about ourselves, we might do better in different situations. So it's important to notice how we talk to ourselves and try to say nice things, even if we don't always feel that way.
Negative: "I always mess things up." Positive: "I sometimes make mistakes, but I also learn from them."
Negative: "I'm so stupid." Positive: "I'm smart and capable; everyone makes errors."
Negative: "I can't do this; it's too hard." Positive: "I can handle challenges with effort and perseverance."
Negative: "I'll never succeed in anything." Positive: "I have the potential to achieve my goals through hard work."
Negative: "Nobody likes me." Positive: "I have people who care about me and value my company."
Negative: "I'm a failure." Positive: "I've achieved many things and will continue to grow."
Negative: "I'm not good enough." Positive: "I am enough just as I am, and I'm constantly improving."
Negative: "I'm a burden to others." Positive: "My presence and contributions make a positive impact."
Negative: "I always mess up social situations." Positive: "I can connect with others and enjoy social interactions."
Negative: "I'll never get over this." Positive: "I can heal and move forward from difficult situations."
Negative: "I'm so ugly." Positive: "I am unique and have qualities that make me attractive."
Negative: "I'll never be as good as them." Positive: "I have my own strengths and talents that are valuable."
Negative: "I'm a loser." Positive: "I have the courage to try and the ability to succeed."
Negative: "I'm always so awkward." Positive: "I am learning and growing in social interactions."
Negative: "I can't handle criticism." Positive: "I can learn from feedback and use it to improve."
Negative: "I'm too lazy to accomplish anything." Positive: "I have the energy and determination to achieve my goals."
Negative: "I'll never be happy." Positive: "I can find joy and contentment in the little things."
Negative: "I'm a failure as a parent/friend/partner." Positive: "I care and do my best to support those around me."
Negative: "I'm too old/young to do that." Positive: "Age doesn't define my ability to pursue my passions."
Negative: "I don't deserve good things." Positive: "I am worthy of happiness, success, and positive experiences."
Negative: "I'm a failure because I haven't achieved enough." Positive: "I'm on my own path of growth and accomplishments."
Negative: "I can't handle stress." Positive: "I am resilient and can manage stress with effective strategies."
Negative: "I'll never be as talented as others." Positive: "I have unique talents that make me special."
Negative: "I'm so clumsy." Positive: "I am improving my coordination and skills."
Negative: "I'm too shy to make friends." Positive: "I have qualities that others appreciate and I can connect with people."
Negative: "I'm not good at anything." Positive: "I have strengths and abilities that I can develop."
Negative: "I'm a burden on my family." Positive: "My family supports me and we help each other."
Negative: "I'll probably fail, so why bother trying?" Positive: "I have the courage to take on challenges and learn from them."
Negative: "I can't trust anyone; people always let me down." Positive: "I can build meaningful and trustworthy relationships."
Negative: "I'll never find love." Positive: "I am deserving of love and can create meaningful connections."
Negative: "I'm not creative at all." Positive: "I can express my creativity in different ways."
Negative: "I'll never be able to speak in public." Positive: "I can develop my public speaking skills with practice."
Negative: "I don't deserve success." Positive: "I am capable of achieving success through hard work."
Negative: "I'm so disorganized." Positive: "I can improve my organization skills with time."
Negative: "I'll never be happy with my body." Positive: "I can make healthy choices and appreciate my body."
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legiblyloathed · 1 year
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Ain’t He Darling? (Chapter 1)
Yandere! Wally Darling x Reader
A/N: Okay, so the little blue haired menace has been rotting my brain for the past week, sue me. I tried to get him out of my brain by rewatching Gravity Falls, only for the episode “The Hand that Rocks the Mabel” to inspire a whole fanfic. Straight up water on a grease fire. Anyway, enjoy.
Next
I always forget how much of a hassle moving is until it’s time to actually do it. Weeks spent selling and giving away half of my belongings, trying to shove the rest of them into boxes, then taking all of them into a new location only to have to figure out where all of them should go in the new space; it’s on the list of most mundane yet stressful life events a person has to put themselves through.
These were the feelings that hung around my being like a dark cloud for the past few weeks, but now, as I finally set my final knickknack in its chosen spot, I can feel the sun breaking through. I stand up and stretch as hard as I can, trying to wring the residual tension out of my spine. Even with my reduced number of belongings, it’s a lot of work to unpack them all, especially when working alone.
I didn’t have to do all the work myself. Within minutes of hauling stacks of boxes into my new house, I’d been approached by numerous rather colorful people, all very keen to lend a hand. As the newest neighbor in town, I was a curiosity to them, after all. I’d declined the offers, not wanting to place any burdens on the shoulders of my new potential friends. Looking back on it, that wasn’t my smartest move. Or maybe that’s just my aching muscles talking.
I’m dragged out of my tired contentment by the sound of a knock on the front door. Relaxing with a heaving sigh, I stroll over and peer out the peephole. Standing on my porch is a large, multicolored bird. My eyes dart to the plate of cookies balanced in her wings. With newfound excitement, I yank open the door and greet her with a smile.
The bird almost appears startled at this, the cookies on the plate jostling as she jumped. “Oh dear!” She shuffles the plate to her left hand, her right settling upon her chest as if to calm her heart. “You startled me for a moment!”
I give her a sheepish grin. “Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Settling down, she waves her free wing dismissively. “Nothing to apologize for, I’m a bit prone to fright, is all.” As if remembering their existence, she extends the plate of cookies towards me. “I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood! I do hope you like them!”
“I’m sure I will!” I pull the plate from her grasp and hold it carefully to my chest, my mouth watering at the sugary smell. “They look and smell delicious, thank you so much…” I trail off, realizing in embarrassment that I never caught her name.
She seems to sense my hesitation, and beams in reassurance. “My name’s Poppy, Poppy Partridge.” I give her my name, mentally thanking her for the help. “It’s very nice to meet you, we haven’t had any new neighbors in a long time.”
“Really?” My head tilts to the side. “Why not? This place is beautiful.”
“Oh, I can’t say myself,” she sighs. “Suppose there’s just not much to around here.”
I shrug, trying to appear lighthearted. “It’s a pity.” She nods in agreement, and the conversation begins to lull. Not wanting to leave on such a sour note, I ask, “Out of curiosity, what do you like to do around here?”
“Me?” she squawks, looking taken aback. She fidgets with her feathers, her wings wringing around each other. “I suppose I like to bake, especially when the weather’s nice enough for a picnic.” I can almost see the lightbulb turn on above her head, and she turns her much cheerier gaze to my own. “Say, the rest of us were planning on a picnic this afternoon! Care to join us? It’d be a good time to meet your new neighbors.”
A sense of anxiety washes over me. The idea of being among that many strangers with such late notice flutters around in my stomach like butterflies. Without thinking, I begin to shift back and forth on my feet. “I… I don’t know, it’s very sudden…”
The bird wilts a bit, looking down at my porch. “Oh dear, it is, isn’t it? You must still be so busy with unpacking.”
I look up at her, my anxiety curdling into regret at her disappointment. I reconsider the situation. What’s an hour or two with a handful of strangers? There’s only nine houses in this town, counting my own, I can handle it. Having made up my mind, I shake my head. “No, no, I already finished unpacking. I’ll be there.”
Poppy perks up. “You will?” I smile, hoping she can’t see the hesitation in it. “That’s wonderful news!” She flaps her wings in excitement before stopping with a gasp of realization. “I have more baking to do, than! I’d better get going,” she says, turning to leave with one last wave of her big red wing. “I’ll see you soon, neighbor!”
“See you soon!” I shout back, waving with the hand that wasn’t clutching the plate of cookies. As she goes further from my field of vision, I feel myself slump, the excitement of a new friend and a batch of treats wearing off to remind me of my exhaustion. My hand falls limp to my side and I stare at the plate in contemplation.
Nap? Or snack?
I pluck a cookie from the tray and take a bite, feeling myself melt at the incredible flavor. I scarf the rest of the sweet down before heading back inside, picking up another one as I go. Maybe just a few before I rest up.
—————————
I snap up on my couch, almost falling off of it in my sudden awakening. What time is it? A quick glance at the clock on my wall reveals it to be mid-afternoon, and I throw myself off my resting place so fast I nearly hit the floor. I scramble to the window and see a small crowd of people in the distance, the sounds of talk and laughter wafting in through the glass. I let out a sigh of relief. At least I wasn’t… that late. After a quick change and a once over in the mirror, I hurry out the door and towards the picnic.
As I approach, the jolly sounds become clearer, with voices all chattering their cares away. Colorful blankets are scattered across the clearing, each rife with sandwiches and sweets. I really hope they aren’t upset that I didn’t bring anything. As I scan my surroundings, I pick out Poppy as she talks with a caterpillar and head in her direction, relieved at the semi-familiar face.
As if on cue, my way is blocked by a short girl in a pink dress dragging along a disgruntled looking man with a bowtie. “Ooh, you must be the new neighbor!” she squeals, bouncing up and down in place, hands flapping in front of her chest. “We were so worried you weren’t gonna come! I’m Julie Joyful, and this,” she says as she grabs the arm of the man next to her, “is Frank Frankly! Say hi, Franky!”
“Uh… hello.” I pondered briefly if I looked as awkward as poor Frank did as he gave me a small wave. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
“Feeling’s mutual,” I respond. As Julie begins to babble about her excitement, my eyes move to drift over the rest of the strangers. The vast majority are split off into their own small groups, with a single exception. Sitting on a bench under a large apple tree is a man who seems to be studying me the same way I’m studying him. One of his legs is crossed over the other, supporting his elbow as he rests his chin on his hand, staring at me with an intensity that sends a small shiver down my spine. And either I’m going crazy, or his lazy smile broadens ever so slightly at that.
I’m startled out of my impromptu staring contest by Julie, who seems to have noticed that I wasn’t listening and cranes her neck to see what I’m looking at. “Oh, have you met Wally yet?”
I shake my head. “No, not yet.” It takes all the willpower in my body not to meet those eyes that I can almost feel lingering on me.
The girl grins, grabbing my wrist. “Come on, you gotta meet him! I bet you two will get along like two peas in a pod!”
She begins to force me from my spot, and I feel myself start to panic. Before she can pull me away to the creepy man, Frank reaches out and stops her in her tracks. “Say, Julie, they don’t look too keen on it. Maybe they should take it slow, meet the others on their own time?” He gestures broadly to the snacks left sitting around. “They haven’t even gotten anything to eat yet, after all.”
Julie looks surprised at the intervention, a flash of guilt going over her face. “Oh my, you’re right, Frank! I’m so sorry, neighbor, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable!” At my dismissive hand wave, she changes course, instead pulling me to the piles of food. “Poppy told me she gave you some cookies, but just you wait ‘til you try her pie!” I turn to look at Frank, mouthing a ‘thank you’ at the grumpy looking man. He smiles a bit with a reassuring nod, and the three of us settle down on a blanket. For the rest of the picnic I eat while the two of them (mainly just Julie with the occasional comment from Frank) talk about all kinds of things.
I try hard to pretend I can’t feel the eyes burning into the back of my head.
—————————
The sound of a steady, rhythmic knock wakes me up the next morning. I rub the sleep from my eyes, noting with absent mind how high the sun had already risen. The three slow knocks reverberate through my house once again, and I roll out of bed and head towards the front door, not bothering to change out of my pajamas or even look through the peephole. This, as it turns out, is a bad move on my part.
I yawn as I open the door, only for it to become a strangled cough as I lock eyes with the one resident I didn’t want to see this early. The man, or Wally as Julie had called him, stood on my porch, his face as eerily relaxed as ever. His posture was straight, his clothes neat, his appearance put together; I don’t think he could be any more of a contrast to my current state if he actively worked towards it. Which, to be frank, I suspect he did.
Just like the last time I’d encountered him, the two of us looked as if we were having a staring contest. Unlike last time, however, this time he decides to break the silence. “Hi, neighbor.” His voice is soft and monotonous, each syllable dragging along in no hurry. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”
Somehow, I doubt that. In an attempt to relieve the strange tension, I let out a stilted laugh. “Yeah, you did, but it’s fine. I overslept, anyway.” He hums in acknowledgement, and it takes a few long seconds for me to realize he doesn’t plan on responding. Eager to hurry along this interaction so I can dart back into my house and hide from those piercing eyes, I prompt, “Something I can help you with, Wally?”
He tilts his head. “I never told you my name.”
“Yeah, no, you uh, you didn’t. Julie told me yesterday. At the… the picnic.”
“Oh, right. You three looked like you had a good time.”
“We did! We did…”
“Hmm.” His smile stretches, looking pleased by that confirmation. “Well, I’m glad to hear you’re settling in okay. I’ve heard it can be awful hard to make new friends, but you have a way of drawing people in, huh?” Cutting me off before I can ask for elaboration, Wally continues. “Speaking of drawing, I was hoping you might join me for some painting today, down by the south woods.”
“Oh!” I blurt out, taking a moment to process the invitation. “I’m not exactly much of an artist, myself.”
He laughs, and it’s every bit as emphatic as the rest of his speech. “Oh, neighbor, that doesn’t matter. We all start somewhere, and besides, I’d like the company.”
I consider turning him down flat, but something tells me he’s a bit too persuasive for me to keep him at bay forever. With a grin so forced it hurts, I say, “Sounds like fun! I’ll be there.”
Wally’s head bobs in a slow nod, and he takes a step back from the door. “I’m glad to hear it. See you soon, neighbor.”
I return the nod and raise a hand in a brief wave. “See you soon.” His stare remains, and just as I ready myself to ask him to stop, he finally, finally, turns away and walks away, humming a quiet tune to himself.
I step inside and close the door, leaning my forehead against it as I recover from the encounter. My stomach growls, but I feel as though I’ve lost my appetite. The inexplicable dread in my heart squashes any hope of breakfast. I close my eyes, but even then I can still see his own staring back, unblinking in their ceaseless observation. With a shudder, I push myself up, trying my best to steel my nerves. It’s just a little art lesson, I chastise myself. So he’s a little spooky, it’s probably fine.
No matter how many times I repeated those three words to myself, the memory of those eyes seems to peer right through the lie.
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unclewaynemunson · 8 months
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A soft knock on the door and a half-whispered "hey there" wake Eddie up from an uneasy sleep. A strip of light shines through the gap of the door, illuminating the figure of Steve standing in the doorway.
"I got some soup for you. Are you feeling any better?"
Eddie shuffles into an upright sitting position while Steve comes into the room and hands him a warm bowl filled with what's unmistakably his aunt's homemade creamed potato soup. Even with his blocked nose, Eddie can still tell that it smells exactly how he remembered it.
Before he knows it, tears start blurring his vision. It's the fucking soup that does it. The smell that brings back memories he tried so hard to leave behind when he suddenly had to leave what he once called his home more than ten years ago.
“Oh, honey,” says Steve in a voice that is so soft and caring that it makes Eddie want to cry even more. He sits down on the bed, right next to Eddie, and wraps both his arms around him, careful not to spill any of the soup. “This fucking sucks, right?”
“It does,” Eddie says quietly, and that's really all he needs to say. Steve will understand. Steve knows exactly how much Eddie was looking forward to this week, how excited he was to return to the mountains and to be reunited with his family and to show Steve all the places that hold so much meaning to him. 
For ten years he hadn't been able to visit. He had missed the mountain air like a chopped-off limb and seen his cousins grow up only through grainy polaroid pictures. And now that he's finally here, his body decided to betray him and keep him chained to his bed with the worst fucking cold he’s ever had.
It's been so long since he has been home that it almost doesn't really feel like home anymore. He never wanted to leave in the first place, but the circumstances gave him no choice. When his dad got locked up Eddie had nowhere else to go but to his Uncle Wayne, who lived states away and who he had only met twice before in his life. He had to leave everyone he cared about behind: his grandma, who would've taken him in within a heartbeat if she hadn't been too old to take care of a ten-year-old kid; his mother, who had already slipped away too deep into her addictions to keep Eddie around in good conscience; his aunt and uncle, who had too many mouths to feed with too little money and couldn't afford the additional burden of another rapidly growing teenager; and his many cousins, of course, who grew up side-by-side with him and made the move feel like he was leaving an unmissable part of his soul behind.
Granted, moving in with Wayne soon turned out to be not by far as dramatic as Eddie had prepared himself for. It turned out that Wayne was actually a better parent to Eddie than his dad ever was. But no matter how much love and care Wayne gave him over the years, it could not be enough to replace home. Nothing was.
Ten years had passed since Eddie left. Most of the cousins moved out, either to find a better life for themselves or to follow the path that Eddie's father had taken. Some of them had kept in touch with Eddie, some of them hadn't. Some of them had gained a family of their own, with spouses and nephews and nieces who Eddie never got to meet.
And now he's back, and everything keeps going differently than how he envisioned it.
He blinks away his tears and tries to eat as much as he can stomach of his aunt's soup.
“Your cousin Jay called,” Steve tells him. “He insisted on visiting tomorrow, whether you're feeling better or not. He said he can’t wait to see you.”
“That's nice,” Eddie answers flatly. “D'you know he hasn't reached out to me in years?” He sighs. “It's so weird to be back here. I thought it would be different.”
“Different how?”
“More like coming home, I guess. But all the places have changed. I barely know some of those people anymore.”
He places the unfinished bowl of soup aside. Steve pulls him closer in his arms and presses a gentle kiss on his curls.
“I've felt so angry about Hawkins for so long,” Eddie admits to him, “but now it's like I don't belong here anymore either.”
“You do belong in Hawkins, you know,” Steve tells him.
Eddie huffs.
“No, I'm serious,” Steve insists. “Has Wayne ever told you that he thinks you coming to live with him was the best thing that ever happened to him?” He doesn't wait for an answer as he continues: “And your bandmates, the Hellfire Club, all those lost sheepies you've been looking out for over the years... Maybe Hawkins didn't exactly welcome you with open arms when you just came there, but you made a home there. You did that.”
“And where are you on that list, Stevie?” Eddie asks, a teasing edge returning to his voice despite how awful he’s still feeling.
It takes Steve a few seconds to answer, but when he does, he sounds surprisingly soft and genuine, almost shy.
“Wherever you want me to be.”
“Don't worry big boy,” Eddie tells him softly, nuzzling his face into Steve's chest, where it's warm and where the sound of Steve's heartbeat forms a comforting presence. “You're the most important part of what home means. Top of the list, whether we're in Hawkins or here in the south or on the other side of the world.”
Steve hums and kisses Eddie's temple.
“I do wish this week would've been more like how you wanted it to be,” he says. “But for what it's worth, it sounded like Jay was really excited about reconnecting with you. Let's see if you can sleep off this cold, and tomorrow will be a new day, alright?”
Steve starts to pull away to leave Eddie alone in the bed again, but Eddie clenches his fists around the fabric of his polo.
“Stay with me?”
Steve chuckles softly. “Of course.”
He sits back down on the bed with his back against the wall and gently manhandles Eddie until he's lying with his head in Steve's lap. And with Steve's fingers softly stroking through his hair, Eddie quickly drifts back to sleep again.
Tomorrow will be a new day. And even if being back is bittersweet, at least Steve is with him - and the sound of Steve's heartbeat will always be home.
This one's for my dear friend dae @strawberryspence because sometimes life sucks and while nothing can actually solve it, some warm soup and a loving hug can at least make things a little bit more bearable <3
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ghostlygeto · 5 months
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little curse | geto suguru
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pairing: geto suguru x fem!reader
warnings: this is a part 2 but can be read stand alone, smut minors dni, porn with plot, unprotected sex (pls wrap b4 u tap!), piv, lots of kissing, reader is in love and its pathetic, oral (f receiving) for a half second, fingering, pet names (baby, pretty, goodgirl, etc), i mightve given geto a breeding kink, missionary, might’ve also given him a scent kink..?, baby’s first smut! (forgive me if its bad), i think that's everything but who knows. proof read approx one time will do again l8r
wc: 4.6k
part one
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becoming a teacher felt like a no-brainer. there were already very few at jujutsu tech, so when your best friend gojo satoru suggested the two of you join the force you’d agreed in a heartbeat. you both tried to convince the third member of your party to become a teacher as well, but she chose to put her technique to good use and became a doctor.
being a teacher let you spend time with your friend, and help teach the new generations of sorcerers. to you it felt like a win-win. you got to be around people you love and spend time teaching something you’re passionate about. not to mention the fact that you had grown attached to several of the students (and you wouldn’t complain about being able to see megumi every day after school, you loved your “nephew”).
you also still spent a fair amount of time out on the field, going out and taking care of stray curses as needed. you were no gojo satoru, but you were a grade one sorcerer. you were still strong and viewed as a vitality in the world of sorcery.
though between teaching and going out taking care of curses that needed it, you occupied yourself in a different way from your friends or students. you were searching for geto suguru.
for a cult leader, he was surprisingly hard to place. you could come in contact with members frequently, it seemed like every corner you came across you could hear someone preaching the beliefs of sorcerers being above non-sorcerers. though whenever you’d approach them, pretending to be interested in joining their cult or meeting their leader they’d clam up. they know you. it seemed geto had warned them wisely of what sorcerers to trust.
today was different. you had declined gojo’s invitation to get dinner with himself, shoko, and nanami, telling him you had a lot of lesson planning to do. which wasn’t necessarily a lie. you did need to do next weeks lesson plan before sunday. but that’s not what you were planning tonight.
you had finally come across someone that was new to the cult. you could tell based on their bright smile but nervous demeanor when out on the street. you listened to them preach about their leader, who could take away burdens weighing down on a person. the speech was a little different from normal (yet another giveaway that they were new, they didn’t have their source material memorized yet), but still the same speech the others would give nonetheless.
“i’ve just been feeling really…heavy lately, y’know?” you frowned to the cultist, rubbing the side of your neck like you were trying to get out some sort of tightness, “i’m not sure what’s been weighing me down. do you think that he could help me?”
“of course!” the cultist gave you a wide smile, nodding their head before pulling out some sort of card, “call this number. they’ll take payment upfront over the phone, and then give you a time and location. you’ll meet him there, and he will fix you right up!” you wondered how much money geto had been able to make in the last decade fooling people this way. how many poor souls he had taken advantage of only to kill later. it made you cringe thinking about it.
but the interaction is how you found yourself here, some area of shibuya you were unfamiliar with. the amount of back alleys and side streets you had to take to get here was discomforting, but still the building looked nice. maybe too nice to be tucked away like this, but you disregarded the thought. all that mattered is that it was finally time. after ten years you’d see him, you’d get to confront him after everything he’s done.
“you must be here to see him,” you were immediately greeted by someone when you walked in the building, an eerie feeling washing over you the way they smiled at you, “he’s been waiting,”
you shivered, finding it unsettling the way they just knew. you figured they probably didn’t get a lot of people just stumbling through, but it still made your stomach churn. “yeah,” they walked from behind the counter they were stood at to grab a few things before turning to you again.
“please fill this out,” they handed you some sort of waiver it seemed, asking a few vaguely stated questions likely to see if you were a sorcerer without knowing or something. they watched over your shoulder as you filled it out, lying about most of your answers as to not give yourself away. even putting a fake name in fear that the folk here knew your real one. “wonderful, follow me.”
the cultist led you through a series of doors, it seemed that geto knew better than to leave himself behind just one or two locked doors. you counted, and you were pretty sure the number had gotten to four unlocked and five locked doors before they stopped walking. “he’s in here. please enjoy yourself.”
geto had his back turned to the door, per usual. he was ready to deliver his typical speech, blab on about how the person carried a certain sense of heaviness about them before turning and looking the curse in the eye. he hated looking at them, he barely considered them people. it didn’t matter, he didn’t need their faces or names. they’d be dead soon enough anyway.
when the door opened he plastered his fake smile on, anticipating the feel of a curse to walk into the room. but as soon as the door had closed again and he couldn’t feel the presence of a curse he knew something was off.
“my, my, aren’t you different,” geto spoke in a sing-song tone, wondering if a sorcerer had really slipped through the cracks or if maybe the person just didn’t have a curse attached to them. “you carry a very different energy about you. must make you special, hm?” he turned his head over his shoulder, exposing his side profile to you, but his eyes were still closed. “why don’t you come sit closer?”
you did as told, wanting to be as close as possible to see the look on his face when he realizing it’s you. you hadn’t realize it before but as you sat down you took note to how badly you were shaking. were you nervous? excited? scared? you had a hard time placing your emotions, but tried to steady your hands by placing them on your knees.
“tell me your name, and what troubles you,” his eyes were still closed but he fully faced you now. you wondered if he often didn’t look at the non-sorcerers he tricked into coming into this room, if he killed them with no remorse right here or if he waited.
taking a deep breath to try and calm yourself, you spoke. “you’ve forgotten me already?”
surprisingly, ten years did little to change your voice. geto’s eyes shot open the second you began speaking, and for the first time he was unable to mask the look on his face. shock and horror, you’d say, mixed with a bit of confusion. it seemed like he was going through the stages of grief before you. but just as quickly as he had looked surprised, he put the mask back on. “y/n, what a surprise. how did you end up here?”
you debated answering his question. should you tell him the truth? lie to him? you weren’t sure how much of your suguru was left in him, after ten years of being a cult leader he had to have changed and lost parts of himself along the way. “it took a lot of searching. for a long time.”
“well, the members know they’re supposed to avoid you and satoru, so i’m not surprised,” he smiled, “can you give me the name of who sent you here? clearly they weren’t paying attention.” he chuckled to himself before speaking again. “did they put you up to this? i’m sure it didn’t take you that long to find me. six months? a year? it doesn’t matter. feel free to tell them where you found me, we’ll be moving locations soon anyway.”
“try ten,” you correct him, “it’s been ten years since i’ve been looking for you. and no one put me up to this. i’ve been looking because i want to find you.” it felt wrong, being vulnerable to him, “i’m not going to tell anyone. if they found out i was even here, i’d probably be fired from my job.”
geto let the facade slip for another second, a look of surprise taking over his face again. “what do you mean you’ve been looking for ten years? that means-”
“you don’t have to say it,” you interrupt him, already feeling embarrassed enough. for a second when you looked at him his face softened, and you almost swore he was 17 again. his hair was longer and he wore that ridiculous outfit, but it was still him.
silence overtook the two of you for what felt like centuries, but really it was probably only a minute or two. you just looked at each other. it felt like he was trying to take in every detail about you. your hair, face, street clothes.
“do you have anything to say to me?” geto finally broke the silence, moving from his place several feet away to directly in front of you. he sat mirroring you, feet tucked beneath his butt and his knees touching yours. it felt wrong to be this close to him again.
but you couldn’t deny the ache it brought to your chest.
“i have a lot i could say to you,” your tone came out harsher than expected, you went through the list of things you could say to him, none of them being particularly kind. “i still can’t believe-”
“to me, y/n,” he cut you off, placing his pointer finger below your chin to tilt your face up at him, “to your suguru.”
something in the way he spoke made your stomach churn. you couldn’t speak to your suguru. in a metaphorical sense he was dead. though you always believed that eyes were windows to the soul, and looking into his still made you feel at home. how was it that after all this time, after ten years hearing of the horrible things he had done, you were still helplessly in love?
geto didn’t break eye contact during your silence, he just looked at you with the same eyes he would when you had been just teenagers. “…i’ve missed you.” a smile broke into his face with your words. a smile you had been almost certain you’d never see again in your lifetime. a smile that made you feel safe.
“you missed me?” geto parrots, leaning his face down closer to yours. you were practically frozen in place as you felt his breath fan over your face. he moved slowly, his mouth ghosting your jawline starting at your ear and moving back toward your chin. “you said satoru doesn’t know you’re here?”
you let out a shaky breath, when did you even start holding it? “no,” you answer quietly, trying to discreetly wipe the sweat from your palms on your skirt. why did he feel the need to be so close? why did you want him to somehow be closer?
“good,” you watched as geto licked his lips, a smirk falling over his face, “you may be here awhile.”
you were getting ready to question what he meant but he quickly cut you off by moving his grip from your chin to lightly holding one side of your face. “can i kiss you, y/n?” his thumb caressed your cheek, touching you with what seemed like all the gentleness he had.
how were you meant to say no?
“yes,” you spoke with an exhale, almost worried that he couldn’t hear you, as you could barely hear yourself over the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears. was he also this nervous? probably not, you knew, geto had always been a calm and relaxed person. and if he ever felt overly nervous, he had never shown it to you.
clearly he had heard you, because it seemed the second the word entered the air his lips were on yours. you tried to commit the feeling of him to memory, wanting to remember the way his hand felt on your cheek, the way his mouth felt on yours. it felt different than you remember, naturally, it had been a decade since you had last kissed him. you wondered if he had been with many people since then, it’d only be natural if he had. it caused your stomach to stir with unwarranted jealousy, the two of you had broken up (not formally, but you knew how to take a hint) and it’s not like you hadn’t had partners over the years.
“your mind is wandering, love,” geto barely pulled away from the kiss to speak, staring at you through a half-lidded gaze, “keep your focus on me, okay? you can do that, can’t you?” he gave you a little smile as you nodded, “good girl.”
he kissed you again, but this time it was less gentle. you were almost sure you felt some sense of hunger behind it. your thoughts were confirmed when his hand (the one that wasn’t cradling your face) slid up the edge of your skirt, finding it’s resting place just under the band of your underwear above your thigh. you felt him chuckle as you gasped lightly, stealing the chance to put his tongue in your mouth. things went on like that for a second before he pulled back again.
“will you let me have you?”
“what?”
“will you let me have you, y/n?”
you blinked at him, staying silent for a few seconds trying to assess if this was real. you had zero contact for ten years, and now that you’re here he wants to have sex with you? though the more baffling part would be the fact that you’re about to let him.
“yes.”
geto wasted no time the second you gave the green light. “lay on your back,” he instructed, climbing over you as you did so. you took note to how his eyes seemed to have change, no longer looking at you with any gentleness and rather like he was a predator staring at his prey. “you trust me, right?” you nod in response, “good.”
silence fell over the two of you again, though the air soon filled with sounds of geto kissing your neck and your hums of satisfaction. you felt one of his hands drift up your thigh, pushing your skirt up with it. he pulled away from your neck and shifted downward, positioning his face right above your clothed heat.
“so cute, did you wear these just for me?” geto teased, trailing kissing from your navel down to the hem of your underwear, “you’re already so eager, dove. i can see it from here,” you cursed yourself for wearing light colored underwear, embarrassed at the dark spot that had already formed from so little contact. “don’t worry, i don’t mind it.”
you held your breath as you felt him tap your hip with his pointer finger and wrapping the others beneath your panties, signifying he wanted you to lift your hips. he slid the only barrier between his face and your cunt down your thighs and off at your ankles. you felt your cheeks warm up as you hid your face in your hands, thankful that you had at least trimmed recently so it wasn’t too untame.
“a meal fit for the divine,” he muttered, placing a combination of bites and kisses up your thighs until you could feel his mouth hovering over your pussy. “you’re sure this is okay?” you nod, but he offers you a tut in response, “gotta use your words for me, pretty.”
“yes, geto,” you answer, beginning to feel somewhat impatient. “please.”
geto offered you a smirk and wordlessly grew closer, pressing a kiss to your folds. you felt his warm tongue slide it’s way between them, licking a stripe from your hole to your clit, pulling a satisfied sigh from your lips at the contact. this wasn’t good enough for geto, quickly wrapping his lips around the bud and suckling lightly. you let out a half-gasp half-moan at the sensation, adjusting to feeling of his warm tongue against you.
geto moves your legs, throwing them over his shoulders so he can wrap his arms around the underpart of your thighs. he firmly grasped the plush of your thighs, gripping them tightly as he continued his work.
you whined, moving your hands to his hair as he trailed his tongue down from your clit to your entrance before prodding his tongue inside. “geto, i need mo-”
“suguru,” he pulled away slightly, “my name is suguru, use it.”
“suguru, i need more,” you hadn’t said his first name in ages, but you couldn’t deny the fact that it felt so natural. calling him geto didn’t feel right, the last name tasted foul on your tongue. “please.”
geto smirked, removing one of his hands from your thighs before speaking, “only because you asked so nicely,” he began lapping at your clit again, one of his fingers making it’s way inside of you. you moaned, grinding your hips on his face and hand for more friction, for more anything.
“someone’s a little impatient,” geto tut’s, adding a second finger, “that isn’t how a good girl behaves, is it?” he didn’t wait for a response, continuing where he left off so he could hear more of your cute little sounds.
“suguru,” his name escaped between moans, “‘m close,” he stayed silent, continuously moving his tongue and fingers in sync, trying to draw you closer to your finish. it didn’t take much, between his tongue drawing shapes on your clit (you were almost certain you felt him spell his name, but you were too lost in your own pleasure to pay attention) and his fingers pressing against your spongy tissue.
geto grinned at the sight of you coming undone, removing his fingers from your cunt and replacing them with his tongue. he hummed, borderline moaned, at the taste of you. geto had dreamed of this moment for years. for you to be below him, crying out his name between sounds that only he deserved to hear. “that’s it,” he cooed, “you sound so pretty for me.”
he pulled away from you, sitting back on his knees to quickly undress himself. though you can recall everything that’s happened since you walked into the room,  you weren’t sure how things got to this point. you just wanted to confront him, maybe yell at him, and then leave. you never though you’d lay with your skirt hiked up your waist and his head between your thighs.
“everything’s okay,” he slid his hand under your shirt, needing little help to pull it over your head, “this is what you want, yeah?” one of his hands snuck behind your back, lifting it off the ground slightly in order to unhook your bra. “if you want to stop, just say the word,” his lips were pressed to your neck, mumbling against your skin. you’d have to be crazy to tell him to stop now, right before you got the very thing you were aching for.
“keep going,” you encouraged him, moving your hands to rest on his shoulders, “it’s okay.”
with one hand on his cock, thumb rubbing his precum over the tip, and the other set beside your head to keep himself up he spoke, “put your legs around my hips,” he commanded, rewarding you with a little grin as you obey him, “good girl,” he lightly bit one side of your neck, sucking and kissing the spot to leave a mark.
“don’t,” you scold, pushing his face from your neck, “no marks. i’m a teacher. no marks,” as much as you’d embarrassingly love to let him mark you up, you felt like you couldn’t risk anymore than you already were.
“fine,” geto gave you a fake pout, bringing his face back up to yours for another kiss. it felt less rushed, taking his time without removing any of the desire from before. “no marks, okay.”
geto hesitantly pulled his face away from yours to look between the two of you. wordlessly he gently moved his tip through your slit, allowing your slick and his pre to mix. you sucked in a breath as he snagged your entrance, the dull ache of need growing near the point of pain as you whined. “please, suguru,”
he offered you a smirk, “for you, anything,” he pushed the head in, drawing a relieved sigh from the both of you as he fully inserted himself into you. you felt him hesitate, sucking in a breath as he bottomed out, admittedly you were not his first, not even close. but you felt so good, so right. he could barely contain himself. “fuck, y/n,” he near whined, burying his face in your neck.
the stretch itself, while painful, felt borderline euphoric. your fingers gripped his biceps, crescent shaped indents left where your nails were pressed into his skin. still, you craved more from him. you moved your hips, desperate for any sort of friction between the two of you.
geto quickly put a stop to your movements by pressing his hips into yours harder, forcing yours against the ground. “don’t- don’t move yet,” he pants, “just wanna feel you for a second, yeah? been waiting a long time for this, you have no idea.”
“need you to move,” you whine, still trying to move your hips beneath him. you were desperate, so much so you almost felt pathetic. but he couldn’t blame you; if he had any less self control he’d have you in tears crying out his name already. geto wanted to take his time with you, make you his own. ruin you for any man that dare try and touch you in the future.
more importantly, he wanted to make sure you reeked of his smell. he wanted you to return to jujutsu tech soaked in his scent, so much so that gojo satoru would be able to smell him on you from the other side of the building.
geto stayed in place for another second, relishing in the feeling of you around him before he started moving. his initial pace was slow, allowing you to feel everything with each drag of his cock, allowing him to take in every centimeter of your velvety walls. with each forward thrust he managed to pull another moan from you, face distorted from pleasure.
“feels like you were made for me,” geto cooed, “always knew you were,” he increased his speed, feeling himself grow somehow harder from the lewd noises coming from the two of you. the way your cunt hugged him, practically begging him to stay fully sheathed inside you made his brain foggy.
“just for you,” your voice came out breathy as you tried your best to form any sort of coherent thought other than his name, “only for you.”
“that’s right,” his voice came out similar to a growl, “all mine,” geto held onto your sides, changing positions so he now sat straight up, feeling the way you clenched around him at this angle sent him into euphorics. “fuck, you take me so well, you know that?”
geto couldn’t get over the sight of you. arms now above your head, watching the way your tits bounced with each thrust, the way you moaned each time the head of his cock pressed into you. he was sure he could almost start drooling at the sight of you.
“irresistible,” geto murmured, “coming in here, what? to demand answers of me?” he let out a dry chuckle, “or was this your plan the whole time? to come in here and seduce me. were you trying to catch me off guard so you could kill me? report back to satoru like the good little pet you’ve always been?”
“no, no, no,” you babbled, shaking your head, “ju-just wanted to talk,” you felt tears prick in the corners of your eyes, blobs of saltwater falling down your cheeks. “missed you, sugu. so, so bad.”
a smirk found its way to geto’s face, “that’s what i like to hear, love,” one of his hands found its way to where your bodies meet, rubbing tight circles in your clit. you clenched more around him, causing him to let his head fall back with a groan. “you’re so good for me, y/n.”
“maybe if you’re lucky it’ll stick. you’d bear me a son, right y/n?” geto asked, using his free hand to pull yours to his face, pressing a kiss into your palm, “you’d look so good, carrying my child. oh but if it doesn’t take this time it’s okay, baby. any excuse to be buried in this pretty pussy of yours. you want that? for me to fill you up?”
you whined in response, “please,” you begged, “please sugu. need it, need you.” you could feel the warmth in your abdomen grow as geto continued to bully his way inside you. it wasn’t much longer before you felt his thrusts grow inconsistent, his rhythm faltering every few thrusts. “close, suguru. wanna cum, please.”
“cum for me, baby. cum around my cock,” something in his words made you fall apart, feeling the warm explosion through your whole body as he continued to fuck you through your second orgasm of the night. it didn’t take long for him to cum as well, groaning as he shot his warm ropes of cum inside you. you both let out a whine as he pulled out, him from overstimulation as yours from the new emptiness you felt.
it took you several minutes of labored breathing to fully come back to. geto laid beside you, having pulled his unfurled robe atop you both to hide your bodies. his arm held you against him tightly, no signs of letting you go anytime soon.
“geto i-”
“didn’t i tell you earlier to call me suguru?” he interrupted, “and surely you weren’t going to say you needed to leave, were you?”
“i should get going, suguru,” you mutter, unsure of how much time had passed since being here. but you knew for sure you had several unread texts from gojo by now (probably letting you know how his dinner went and begging to come watch a movie or something). “if i’m gone too long they’ll worry.”
there was a silence between the two of you for a moment before he spoke again, an amount of gentleness in his voice that felt familiar. “i should have taken you with me. i live with that regret every day.”
“you should have but you didn’t,” you responded softly, turning over on your stomach so your head rests on his shoulder, “and now we have to face those consequences.”
“will you come back to me?” geto asked, stroking your skin lightly, “i’ll make sure you have a way to find me much easier next time. if you’d like.”
you had conflicting answers to his question. of course your heart said yes, leaping at the idea of being able to see him again. but your brain said no, knowing that you were risking your career and potentially your life coming to see him.
“i don’t know, suguru.” you answered honestly, “guess it depends on whether or not you’ve managed to plant a little curse in me.”
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reblogs, comments, nd likes appreciated <3
244 notes · View notes
kaiijo · 11 months
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THEIR LOVE LANGUAGES — [HONKAI: STAR RAIL]
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characters: dan heng, gepard, sampo, welt, march 7th, himeko content: gn! reader, spoilers for the prologue notes: i’m in the middle (?) of the belabog arc so i’m still getting a feel for the characters (and feedback is appreciated!)
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dan heng ✶
quality time! dan heng is someone who really values his private time, so it’s a big deal for him to invite someone into that little bubble. whether the two of you are doing some activity together like scouring the archives or just sitting in each others’ presence, reading your books, shoulder-to-shoulder on one of the astral express couches, dan heng is just happy to be there with you
whenever you finish trailblazing on whatever new world you landed on, you and dan heng make a conscious effort to take a walk somewhere or visit a local spot together. his favorite place was on some tropical planet where the two of you stood with your feet sinking in the sand and watched the sunset
gepard landau ✶
words of affirmation! while gepard hears praise from the citizens of belabog all day and night, it’s really most meaningful to him when it comes from you. he works hard to protect the city, and his favorite reward is you telling him that he did a good job, that you’re proud of him, and (most importantly to him) that you feel a little bit safer because of his efforts
it’s not just words of affirmation for his work as captain of the silvermane guards that he likes; he craves praise for more mundane things like cooking a good dinner for the two of you, helping clean the house, hanging a painting you bought. just thank him and tell him he did a good job and he’s melted into a puddle  
sampo koski ✶
physical touch! you would assume it’s gift giving and receiving at first, but i feel that, because sampo does a lot of “trading” on a regular basis to make money, he would associate that more with business. it’s not to say you two don’t give each other little baubles and trinkets and gifts, but sampo values the simple intimacy of physical touch: holding hands, a warm hug, a kiss. there’s nothing but trust in your embrace
sampo’s not shy to initiate physical touch but definitely get a little flustered when you do it first. probably tries to make some joke that falls way too flat but makes you giggle a little nonetheless. as smooth a talker as sampo is, he’s got something of soft heart under those many, many layers of deviousness  
welt yang ✶
acts of service! welt is probably one of the busiest people out there and he’s basically in charge of three children (one responsible one and two who share a brain cell between them) as well as with many other tasks and affairs relating to trailblazing, the astral express, and everything in between so anything you do to help him de-stress is appreciated, even if it’s just brewing him his favorite tea and bringing it over while he’s doing reports
you can also definitely try to help welt with the bigger administrative tasks he has but expect pushback. he doesn’t want to burden you with his work but if you press him just a little more, he’ll back down (slightly) and let you do the least labor-intensive job
march 7th ✶
physical touch! march likes to be in-contact with you whenever you’re together (which is admittedly a lot). her favorite things to do are hold your hand or slip her arm through yours as you walk and, when you’re just lounging around the astral express, she loves cuddling with you in her room or on one of the express’s nice couches
she’s a sucker for you playing with her hair too; her back against your chest, running your hands through it, braiding it, massaging her scalp. she’s bound to get drowsy and fall asleep, no matter how much she insists she won’t when you tease her about it. (dan heng also thanks you for putting march to sleep so he can, in his words, “have a moment of peace”)
himeko ✶
acts of service! like welt, himeko has a ton of responsibility navigating the express and taking care of all the passengers on the train. she’s a tad more relaxed than welt, but himeko still is often wrapped up in some new business or in making repairs and improvements to the train where she can. she really loves when you volunteer to help her with repairs, acting as her assistant and handing her all the tools and supplies she needs
she also appreciates when you just keep her company in the navigation room (lowkey her second love language is quality time) and has a fun time rattling off fun facts about planets and constellations and everything that you pass and watching your eyes light up in wonder and admiration
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igotanidea · 10 months
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Transient : JT x reader
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Request: as a part of my celebration : Jason x daydream(ing).
***
“Jay?” her little sleepy voice came from behind his back and he immediately spun around to lay eyes on her figure.
She had a rough week, filled with work, long hours, massive amounts of things to do, places to be, people to talk to. No wonder that after five days of such grind she was just exhausted.  It was an introvert nightmare to be put amongst too many stimuli.
So instead of spending Friday evening on cuddling on the couch and watching movies with her boyfriend, as planned, she just simply feel asleep. And it was just so sweet to watch her like this.  
“I’m sorry….” She yawned and looked down apologetically “I know you really wanted to relax a bit, but I just…..’ she yawned again, her eyes closing since she had no power to keep her open “…I’m sorry, Jaybrid….”
“Hey. Stop it.” Jason cupped her cheek and caressed it gently “you need rest, baby. It’s normal. You’ve been working so hard, it’s only natural. My little workaholic.” He smiled and picked her up bridal style, holding her close to his chest and carrying towards the bedroom. Despite everything it was always surprising for her that he was able to lift her with no effort. And it was just so nice and comforting to drift off in his arms. Feeling like he would be the one to take care of her. To watch her and not let her get hurt. Y/N was used to being strong, she was a tough, resilient and independent woman, but knowing she had someone to share her burdens and worries with, was making her melt. A single memory of Jason was making her melt. And she knew it worked both ways, for him  as well as for her.
“Jason?” she muttered into his chest, locking hands on his neck, even during that little walk wanting him closer.
“Yes, princess?” she kissed her temple
“I love you…..”
“I love you too, baby.”
“Will you be here when I wake up? Promise me, you’ll come back to me safe…..”
“I promise. Now, sleep.” He laid her onto the bed gently, putting the covers over her body.
“You’re not gonna undress me for bed?” she chuckled
“Wouldn’t you like that, love?”
“mmmmm…..” her gentle snore had to do for an answer and Jason’s eyes started watering. All the feelings he held for her just finding the way out. Somehow she always knew how to strike that sensitive part of him, and surprisingly he was not afraid to be vulnerable with her. Having someone to care about, to pour all his love into, to care about, to talk to…. How did that happen to him? When did that happen to him?
“Sleep tight, princess. It’s all gonna be fine…..” he whispered watching as she rolled over to the other side, his heart clenching due to all the feelings stirring inside him.
And now she was awake, standing in front of him.
Due to some magic, during the night she lost her work clothes, in which he put her to sleep and was now wearing one of his old shirts. Too big for her, serving rather like a nightgown, covering only the tops of her thighs.
“Hi.” He smiled lightly, not daring to step towards her to break that peace, silence and reverie. It was unreal. Sun shone through the curtains, leaving reflections on the floor and on their faces,  the whole world just stopped for a second to let them indulge in the moment of being together  with no pressure, no expectations, no plans.
Just them.
Nothing more was needed. Jason just wanted to watch her like this forever. With messy hair and a bit blurry, yet sparkling eyes. God, those eyes that could burn right into his soul. And her smile. The lightest, almost unnoticeable yet lightening up her whole face. And it was meant just for him.  
“Hi…” she smiled back, rubbing eyes and stretching her back, goosebumps forming all over her bared legs.
“You’re…. wearing my shirt….” he stuttered
“I woke up at some point in the night and needed you. That was the closest thing to that I could get at the time. It smells like you.” her eyes sparkled, her mind still somewhere in the dream. “You’re never getting that back.” Her fingers clutched on the material and she hugged herself. “
“Don’t you want the original, now that I’m back to you?” he reached hands towards her and she dived into his arms, sighing deeply, inhaling his scent “See, princess? Told you it’s better.”
“Are you hurt? Do you need anything?” she mumbled, arms wrapping tightly around him
“You. Just that. Just let me daydream with you in my arms."
Life has a tendency to make you constantly pick up the pace, be busy, in a hurry, running around and dealing with things.
But moments are what counts the most. Seconds, when the gazes of two people who are in love met. A single brush of aligned hands. A stolen kiss. A hug.
Details that can make things better.
A single minute to let oneself daydream and get lost in the other person.
The most precious gift.
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alittlekdramatic · 7 months
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Mujin Dating Alphabet
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Link to Gangjae ver. | Drama Masterlist | Kpop Masterlist
Mujin x gn! Reader
These headcanons are an anonymous request for the reader's relationship with Mujin. ❤️‍🔥🚬 I feel like I had to think outside of the box on this one cause he's just so... serious? Still hot tho lmao. Enjoy!
No warnings - other than the brief mentions of hurt/comfort, fears, injuries, fighting, and organized crime (obvs.)
Word Count - 1.61k
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Admiration (what he adores about you)
Mujin is big on loyalty, and what he admires the most about you is that you are completely devoted to him. Never has it crossed his mind that you might betray him. He adores that you would do anything he asked without a shred of doubt or hesitation. He truly believes in you. 
Body (his favorite part of your body)
This man loves your legs. They just look so good in the formal wear that you have on when you’re working. Whenever you attend meetings with him, he has a hard time concentrating if you’re in his line of sight. You often have to stand behind him just so he can focus. 
Cuddles (how he cuddles / likes to show affection)
He’s not really an affectionate cuddler so much as he is a “holder”. You know when he’s stressed, and your default is to sit on his lap while he mulls over business at his desk. If he’s tired, he likes to lay down with you in his arms. Sometimes, he even welcomes being spooned. 
Dates (what his ideal date with you looks like)
He can afford to take you to nice restaurants on a daily basis, so that’s where your dates usually take place. Mujin only has so much free time, but likes to feed you and converse in places that are peaceful. “We don’t have to talk about business, Sweetheart. Order anything you want.”
Excitement (what excites him / how he acts when excited)
You can read him like a book. So when you offer him a massage right when he needs it, without him needing to say a word about his tension… he gets sooo excited for you to put your hands on him. He keeps it concealed, of course. But he gives you a nice kiss as thanks. 
Fear (what he is afraid of when it comes to your relationship)
In the back of his mind, he worries that you’re too smart for your own good. He knows that you share many of his burdens because you actually understand the weight of them. Mujin fears that this will drive you away; that one day you’ll realize you might have been better off without him. 
Gifts (how he feels about gift giving / receiving)
He doesn’t overdo it because he thinks that gift giving too often is shallow. But, he does buy you nice things for special occasions only. He feels it's more meaningful that way. On the contrary, he sweetly insists, “You don’t need to get me anything in return, Y/n. You are enough for me.”
Hand Holding (how and when he likes to hold hands / how much pda he’s willing to show)
He holds your hand if you’re somewhere in private or he feels open to vulnerability. In public, his “go to” is moreso guiding you with his hand on the small of your back. He’s not fond of PDA, but is still very attentive and refuses to be cold towards you just because people are watching.
IInjury / Illness (how he acts if you’re hurt or sick)
It would honestly upset him a little. He feels very responsible for anything that happens to you. That being said, he gets his best doctor to treat you right away, and makes sure you get the right care. If you need to recover, he makes time to stay home and watch over you.
Jealousy (how he handles it if / when he gets jealous)
He trusts you completely, so any anger he feels when jealous isn’t directed at you at all. But he makes it a point to learn everything there is to know about his competitor in order to ensure they never come into contact with you again. Even if you tell him not to overreact, it's a done deal. 
Kisses (how he likes to kiss you)
He likes having your body flush with his when you kiss, letting his hands rest on your waist while you set the pace. He always lets you call the shots when it comes to intimacy, and he’s content with however much you give. Mujin is also big on eye contact during and in-between kisses.  
Love Language (how he shows he loves you)
Quality time and words of affirmation: Even though you see him all day every day while working, Mujin really values your alone time and focusing on you as a person rather than an employee. “Thank you.” He says. “For everything, always. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Y/n.”
Memory (his favorite memory with you)
His favorite memory involves not just the first time, but any time he comes home injured. He revels in your concern and eats it up when you want to attend to him. “Why aren’t you more careful?” You say. He can’t help but reply, “Maybe because I know you’ll fix me.”
Needs (how needy he is / how he meets your needs)
He is pretty collected most of the time, but he needs you more than anyone on his bad days. You’re the only one who can calm him down. In turn, he regularly checks in on your mental wellbeing and offers kind words. “You don’t have to try so hard to be perfect. You already are.” 
Oddity (a quirk he has that you noticed)
The man is obsessed with his hair. He takes forever in the bathroom styling it so not even a strand is out of place. He also takes his time grooming his facial hair because he thinks he doesn’t look intimidating without it. (You may have teased him the one time he shaved lol). 
Protection (how protective he is over you)
Mujin is confident in your ability to protect yourself, and it helps that you’re with him more often than not. So, he doesn’t stress over your safety. However, he always knows your whereabouts. And if he senses that you are threatened or vulnerable, he gets extremely protective, very fast. 
Quality Time (how he likes to spend time with you)
Mujin tends to think that time spent on things other than working is a waste (with the exception of going on dates or resting.) He likes to hang out with you at Dongcheon, but also enjoys indulging in finer things such as massages, wine tastings, clothes fittings, art viewing, etc. 
Romance (how romantic he is)
He’s very romantic and has all the resources to make anything happen. He makes it a point to pay attention to what you like and knows a lot about you. So, he’s very calculated when it comes to romantic dates/gifts. Mujin is also a good cook and loves to do it for you when he has time.
Secrets (how open he is with you)
Similar to Taeju, you are close to being his ‘right hand person’. Both in business, as well as your relationship, he fully trusts you. So, he is always transparentwith what he plans to do and what is going on with his personal affairs. He expects this same amount of openness from you. 
Time (how you met / how long it took you to get together)
You were working at a restaurant he frequented. He liked you, and you built somewhat of a relationship serving him. Eventually, he found out you were in a tough spot financially. “Work for me,” he said. “You’re far too intelligent and certainly overqualified for your current position.”
Upset (how he acts when you’re upset)
He talks you through your emotions and asks questions to get to the root of the problem. Then, he works through solutions and suggests them to you. If you’re mad at him, he can be kind of a hot head and will get mad too. But, he tries to decompress elsewhere before blowing up at you.
Vaunt (things about you he is proud of / how he shows you off)
He thinks you’re basically perfect at everything you do and often uses you as an example for his underlings. When he’s training people how to fight, he shows you off in demonstrations. Mujin is known to say things like, “If I wanted it done right, I should have just asked Y/n to do it.”
Warrior (how he feels about you fighting)
He thinks it’s extremely important that you know how to fight with your own two hands and not have to rely on anyone else for your safety. It’s a non-negotiable skill you must have to live in his world. But, he still prefers to teach you how to use actual weapons as your first line of defense.
X-tra (a random headcanon for him)
Once he gives credence to his love and is sure you’re the one, he wants to get married as soon as possible. There’s many potential benefits to him marrying you, but he won’t see it as a ‘marriage of convenience’. He just wants you to be taken care of if something happens to him. 
Yearn (what he does when he misses you)
If Mujin misses you, he cancels his plans or meetings- even clears his schedule entirely if he’s sick of other people. He calls you multiple times a day, just cause hearing your voice makes him feel more level headed. But if he needs to see you, he simply requests your presence. 
Zzz (what it’s like to sleep with him)
He prefers to have his own space when he sleeps, since he takes getting proper rest seriously. But he always kisses you before he sleeps and before he leaves in the morning. If you happen to fall asleep before him, he just watches you, stroking your hair, ruminating about the day.
Thanks for reading! Do not repost.
If you want to see any of these headcanons developed into a fic, lmk!
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violetszone · 1 year
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Precious
Charles x fem!reader
From this request
Summary: You haven't been well liked all your life and you couldn't get used to Charles loving you so much.
WARNINGS: familly issues, little angst,fluff, sweet bf charles,not edited writing
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Not everyone was born lucky in life, you were unlucky in family, but you were lucky in your boyfriend who loved you more than anyone else.But really, it was very difficult for you to even start your relationship with Charles because of the distrust your family gave you.
No matter how big you got, it didn't matter if your mother kept calling you and breaking you up, they made you feel worthless all your life.It was one of those days again, Charles was inside choosing a movie for the two of you, your mother called you, and she upset you again, but you didn't want her to ruin your day, so you tried to be nice. You went into the living room with the drinks,Charles was lying on the couch waiting for you.
When he saw you, he smiled and took the drinks from your hands.you leaned your back on his chest and started watching the movie.The movie was exactly like it was made to make you cry, it was a romantic drama.You sniffed for crying a little bit Charles looked down at you and when he saw you were crying he wrapped his arms around you which made you cry a little more.
you sniffed once again “It’s hard to get used to…” Charles grabbed your chin and made you look at him. “what is?” you couldn't look into his eyes so you stared at the shirt he was wearing “Being someone that someone cares for…” Charles kissed the top of your head and you laid your head on his chest.
"YN you know you are worthy of love and loving you is not difficult at all, caring for you is never a burden, I don't want you to even think about it" you nodded and muttered "I know Charles but I ain't got nobody you know, and these things still seem unreal to me everybody gone, everybody"
“I’m never leaving…I promise.” You smiled peacefully, you knew he loved you, you loved him too And it made you so happy to know that there is someone in this world who truly cares for you.It could seem to people that only he cared about you, but people showed their love differently, and Charles knew very well how much you loved him.
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jays-therapist · 5 months
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I don't know if this a hot take or not but I really disagree with the idea that Yukio is jealous of Rin's power and physical strength? Rather, I think it's Rin's emotional strength that Yukio envies.
I have a lot to say about this lmao, so I'm just gonna put it all under the cut that way people who don't want to read this long ass analysis don't have to. Also, manga spoilers.
Blue Exorcist is a fun shonen manga because it measures strength outside of just "how hard can i punch this dude." Often, when characters talk about getting strong, they're talking about wanting to be mentally resilient; they want the ability to persevere, to be independent and face their fears/emotional turmoil on their own. Shiemi is a good example of this, I think. She constantly talks about being strong, but usually in the context of naviagting the world after living so long in isolation, and struggling to support her friends. Yes, she wants to get physically stronger, but at the core, she just genuinely wants to have a strong spirit (like a weed), and to be emotionally strong enough to help carry her friends' burdens.
Now, back to Yukio.
The biggest reoccuring theme in Yukio's jealousy is how he puts his brother on a pedestal, while constantly downplaying every good thing about himself (they both do this lol). You'll see this a lot in the examples I bring up.
There are four scenes I really want to focus on when discussing just how Yukio defines strength: his flashback in Chapter 29, his inner monologue in Chapter 37, his suicide attempt in Chapter 93, and That Time He Shot Rin in the Head in Chapter 96.
In Chapter 29, Yukio has this five-page montage of flashbacks, depicting specific moments where he felt both admiration and envy for Rin. And each of these moments highlight Rin's empathy, his care-free behavior, his kindness, his ability to inspire others, his desire to protect his little brother. Not his habit of setting things on fire.
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This is important because Yukio fundamentally believes that he is not a good person. He believes he is not kind, selfless, or brave. When he, as a child, cries because he can't adopt a puppy he wanted, he's envious that Rin is just happy to see the puppy in a nice home. When his brother rushes to save him from bullies, Yukio's upset that he couldn't do it on his own, that his brother feels he is so weak he can't even take care of himself.
From Yukio's perspective, these are examples of Rin either outshining him inherently or looking down on him. No matter how strong Yukio gets, he will never not be able to feel bad for himself when the puppy is given to a different family. He will never be able to prove to his brother that he can do things on his own. He was born with this weakness and he can't seem to kill it. He can't win, and he hates it.
In Chapter 37, after defeating the Kraken, Yukio and Rin have a little heart-to-heart. Here, we see Yukio's true feelings towards Rin's claims of "surpassing him", which is that Rin already does. Yukio feels that if anyone needs to surpass anyone, it's him. He will always come up short where it counts, whenever he needs to let things go or be more empathetic. Yukio is strong of body, but weak of spirit.
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So, with this in mind, when Yukio falls to his knees in Chapter 93 and says, "I was weak, and I couldn't get any stronger," he doesn't mean, "damn. wish i could've harnessed the demon power in my eyes to blow shit up." No, he's admitting defeat. He tried so hard to be strong, both physically and mentally but especially mentally, and he failed. He couldn't carry burdens like his father and brother could, like his friends could. He was cruel and cowardly. He hurt people he loved, and as long as he continues to live, he will keep hurting the people he loves.
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What is strength to Yukio? It's resilience. It's taking risks. It's independence. It's Rin.
(Or at least, how Yukio sees Rin. As I've said before, he likes to put Rin on a pedestal.)
In contrast, weakness is cowering. It's waiting for someone else to solve the problem. It's hurting good people who haven't faulted you. It's Yukio.
That leads us to Chapter 96, and this---
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This is kind of the crux of it all. Yukio is suffocating on his own perceived weakness and seeking to escape it. Here, Yukio is burning every bridge (the fact that this is literally taking place on a bridge is pretty ironic) that could possibly allow him to return to the Order to ensure he does what he needs to do. To be strong, he needs to be independent. To be independent, he needs to be alone. He can't let his brother solve all of his problems anymore.
So, like. Yeah. In conclusion, I think Yukio is heavily inspired by his brother's strength of character, just as much as he feels abased by it, and that's why his ideas of strength steer closer to broader concepts like bravery and self-determination rather than "let's hit the gym and summon Satan." He uses physical strength as a mask to conceal his perceived emotional weakness.
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Against The Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)
And I swear! I will die trying!/I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress; I promise I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible, I swear!/I'm so fucking sorry! I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all!
Less rare than scarce, less diamond then rough/Unlikely to be more than just the coal you failed to crush
I'm catatonic in your arms, crying, "How did I cause so much harm?"/I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor/Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours
The vertex of my redemption arc/I’m searching on that virgin heart
"The raw emotion! And I strongly relate to desperately wanting to improve for someone you love. I belt out this song when I feel really hopeless"
"my one OC. also me. also it's just a really good song. one of will's best imo. screaminbg"
"Literally hits almost all of my self-esteem issues. Feeling like people only care about you for your body? Check. Not understanding why anyone would want you? Check. Thinking that all you do is hurt people? Check. I don't cry very often but this song DEFINITELY made me teary"
"one of those if u aren’t paying attention to the lyrics ur like this is nice but once u hear them its an OW holy OW and guilt and I’m sorry feelings"
"Just. Loving someone but not feeling like you’re good enough and trying to improve."
"Not only does this song have lyrics that are deeply relatable to me, but this song also feels very deeply personal to the artist and I feel that anyone who listens to it for the first time has that same feeling of getting punched in the gut. Just the lyrics and the melody and Will Wood’s incredible vocals make this song an absolute masterpiece and I cry every time I hear it."
"One reason I'm attached to this song is because my friend sent it to me and said "I'm kin assigning you this song" and ruined my life (/j) It messed me up because I've always had a hard time in my life figuring myself out and dealing with my emotions, and for what feels like the first time, this song has been able to near perfectly describe how I feel about myself and my impact on other people, and it always just meant so much to me that my friend who sent it to me knows me better than I know myself and shared the song with me and I love them dearly."
Curses (Crane Wives)
Ashes, ashes, dust to dust/Tell me I am good enough/Lay my curses out to rest/
All my aching bones are trembling/And I may yet fall apart/Won't you stay with me, my darling/When the war starts in my heart?
Every word I say is kindling/But the smoke clears when you're around/Won't you stay with me, my darling/When my walls start burning down, down, down?
"The singer is falling apart but they'll still jam about it. They're trying so hard to get better, they're failing, and they need support even when recovery feels hopeless. It's a concept I haven't seen explored in a song before. Lots of songs are about someone relying on their partner for emotional support but none explore the darker side of the difficulty of carrying someone else's burdens. Also the clarinet fucks."
"One, is starts out with a jazzy clarinet. The instrumentals of the song is very dance-y. I love the destructive tone of the lyrics, the singer thinking they ruin everything and they're not worthy of love, but still begging You to stay"
"It’s asking for help when you’re at your lowest. It’s the emotion behind the words— it’s one of those songs where the singer puts weight and emphasis on certain lines. Makes the heart go ouughghhghghh. It’s the “duo who’s known each other for a long time and are driving out post-big time conflict” or “emotional climax where there’s no words, only action” scene type of song imo. Also there’s a mad clarinet solo and it’s really good"
Against the Kitchen Floor submitted by @pixopolis + others
Curses submitted by @dreadful-windandrain + others
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t-lostinworlds · 4 months
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hello! gosh, i honestly have no idea what else to do anymore. i've been such a huge ball of anxiety these pass few days and i feel like i've got no other choice ://
so, enrollment for the next semester is this Monday (in 4 days), and idk why my school decided to do it during this time when most ppl don't get paid until the last day of the month/next month. as if that isn't enough, enrollments are also on a time limit and now that we get to decide our own schedules, it's also a race on who gets the subjects first. and if you can't pay for a percentage of the tuition fee upfront, you're going to get delisted so you have to pick your subjects again. the later you enroll, the fewer timeslots. so i could end up having a 6-9pm which isn't safe for me in this city especially when i commute alone. even worse, our tuition for this semester is much higher for some reason and we weren't warned about it.
i can't ask for financial aid from my school yet bc it's required to have at least finished 1 year before you're able to. i'm still trying to look for student/personal loan options bc most i've seen so far require a monthly that i just can't afford rn and it only covers 1 term instead of a whole year so it's not really that sustainable :(( (i don't live in the US btw so it's not a "start paying when you graduate" thing. taking out a loan means i still need to pay monthly while in school on top of other expenses, which as you can imagine, feels more like a burden than it is helpful.) i've also tried looking for scholarships but most only support stem/business courses bc this country isn't nice to artists so that sucks.
i honestly have very little money saved and with the sudden increase in tuition, it's hard to cover half of it even with my parents' help. and again, nobody is getting paid until next month so money is already tight as is with it being the end of th month.
so long story short, i need some help. the first installment for the fee (converted from my currency) is about $600. BUT. NO PRESSURE. i'm only asking those who have extra to spare. and any and all amounts are welcome. it's already going to be such a huge help. hell, even just a simple reblog to boost this already helps a ton.
but also, my commissions are open! so if u want to have a lil story in exchange for just a tiny bit of help, that'd be great too <3
here's my kofi and my pypl
again, no pressure! even a smallest amount already helps a lot. and also, pls do reblog to boost. i really appreciate you! i hope you're having a wonderful day <3 don't forget to take care of yourself too. sending you wonderful people love always ❤️
tagging some mutuals under the cut for a boost bc sometimes this doesn't show up in the tags anymore (but also you don't have too!! you can ignore this if u want alskalks)
@selfcarecap @hollandsmoose @shellshocklove @tanaka-drew @agaritas @userholland @thecodyexpress @annab-nana @hollandweather @annathesillyfriend @cumholland @jasntodds @quethekillerqueen @worldoftom (ily guys, i hope you're all safe and well ❤️)
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leiko-in-love · 5 months
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Isn’t the entire point of hypergamy getting a rich man by any means? Like does it really matter if he chooses you last because at least he’s choosing you lol
I would really urge you to think about what you stand to gain from being chosen last. There are men out there who’d put you first and choose you first without having to be asked, who’ll defend your name regardless of whether you’re with him or not, and who’d be happy to claim you as their publicly and privately. This isn’t even a “nice guys finish last” sort of situation or an incel talking point, this is me saying that you have to have enough dignity to say no to a man when he circles back to waste your time and you have to choose someone who genuinely cares for you and wouldn’t hurt you or demean you.
If you’re happy with a man who’s so desperate to not be alone that he’s come back to you as his last resort then so be it. If your self esteem is low to the point where you’ll willing to be the last pick then nothing I can say is going to convince you to move on and choose better. I know I’ve had my moments of weakness and frustration and I know I’ve spent too much time down in the trenches trying to get men who wouldn’t even have me as their last option to look my way so I can’t really talk; part of being a woman is having to deal with rejecting the bare minimum and holding out until you find a man worth your time.
I’ve had a lot of relationships, I’ve slept with a lot of people, and I like to think that I know just a bit about love by now. One of the best qualities to look for in a partner is thoughtfulness; you want someone who’ll put you before their mother, before their ex, before their friends (whenever reasonable), and who will think of your feelings so that you’re not stuck in a constant cycle of drama and apologies. I got in a major fight with my ex before we split up and I was finally said “it would have been nice if you’d thought of someone other than yourself before you did that” and I never want to have to say those words to a man ever again.
Most men are also not as attractive or as worthwhile as you’d think; I used to go hard for this dude that I was obsessed with and it got to the point where Sveta finally had to come to me and tell me that a) I needed to get up and b) there was no way that he was that good. I could make a list of the men I’ve caped for and, now that I’m distanced from my teenage years, I can confidently tell you that not one of them was worth it. I’ve obviously never met an ugly woman but let me tell you, I’ve met a lot of men who look like they were created out of the view of God’s glory. There’s no reason you should be worrying about what a gremlin thinks of you or your body.
You want someone who wants you overall and who’ll treat you like you’re a prize instead of a burden or come back to fuck with your day as soon as they’re bored. If you have to ask for a man to want you or to think of your feelings before he does what he wants or turns your life upside down then he’s not worth it; no man in the history of men has been worth half the trouble or the drama that they tend to bring with them and there’s no shame in saying no. It is your right to reject any man who steps to you and I’d become familiar with the word so that, when the moment comes, you’re able to use it with ease and without feeling like you should fawn over someone who doesn’t deserve shit.
As a woman, you have more power than you think and you have to use that power and your knowledge of that power to your full advantage. I went to see the Barbie movie what seemed like half a million times and one of my favourite lines was “Barbie has a great day every day but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him” and that’s the way you need to think about men if you’re struggling with insecurities regarding being chosen last or having dirtbags return to you after leaving you behind. I used to date a man who loved it when I looked at him and so to punish him, I’d turn my gaze away until he begged me to indulge him again. Women have more power than we could ever imagine but we’ve been conditioned to accept very little from men and to take endless bullshit from them as well.
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cthulhusstepmom · 2 months
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Four Times Hootsie Ran Away to Join the Circus
There’s a certain hustle and bustle that comes with being the most important person at the Carnivalé, or so Hootsie has come to learn while observing her father. There’s always one thing or another that pops up and rears its unpleasant head. Whether it be the other people that work for him or the many beasts that he cares for. Today that was talk of an Oliphaunt, a word that made her Dad incredibly excited so it had to be a good thing. Unfortunately it seemed to be one of those good things that meant a lot of work, which translated to a lot of time spent playing with her fly-pad while her father directed the hands about. Though there seemed to be a problem with Uncle Kremy, the details of which are lost on Hootsie, but some form of one sided argument wherein her dad is too busy bouncing with excitement to listen to words like “wrong account” and “fucking sales tax Gricko”(oops a bit late on the ear muffs there). 
So at the very least it was a good day, which is never a bad thing, bad days aren’t fun; but, something Hootsie has learned in the wisdom of her(from her point of view) impressive age, is that good days can be just as un-fun as bad days if there was nothing to do. So in the spirit of making a good-but-un-fun day into a good-and-very-fun-day Hootsie took the liberty to slip under the loose flap of the beast tent and out into the grassy area where all of the horses grazed. Taking no mind of the panicked whickers and snorts of the fickle ponies, she sets her beak to the breeze and treads up the worn path out to the stand of trees currently obscuring the staff wagons from view. 
The air of the Carnivalé carries with it a bombardment of different smells. It’s always overwhelming whenever they set up at a new location, adjusting from the relatively constant scent of the carnies and the wagons, their beasts of burden and their cargo, but they’ve been here a few days and already her brain has worked to filter the new sensory input to make it more manageable; such that it’s a simple task to zero in on the deep aroma of parchment and canvas and something distinctly feline. An even simpler one to follow it. 
Uncle Frosty has shared space with her and her Dad for as long as she could remember. Whether it be tents or tavern rooms or most recently their nice wagon, where one is the other follows. They balance each other, Hootsie thinks. The stoic tiger and her effusive father, one always preventing the other from swinging too far into their respective extremes. Both kind hearted and wise beyond their years, each in his own way. Though she is just a little owlbear so really who is she to say. 
Regardless it is he who sits calmly in the center of the small space, legs crossed and eyes shut on a small mat he keeps with his many meticulously organized belongings. Hootsie tries hard not to make a sound and disrupt the serene atmosphere but she trips on a half carved block of wood and triggers a concentrated avalanche of clothes and band memorabilia from the interwoven clutter of her father’s side of the room. Thankfully it all finds its own way to the floor carefully and in a much neater fashion than it had previously been, due in large part she suspects to the mind magic she has come to associate with her Uncle. Her suspicions are confirmed when she feels a gentle not-quite-there pressure scratching behind her ear accompanied by the crisp scent of chilly mountain air. 
“I apologize I don’t have any rat snacks for you right now, but if you will wait until I am finished meditating perhaps we can go and find some.” 
Offering an affirmative Chirr in response, Hootise moves to a plush owlbear bed(definitely not just a big dog bed) set against the wall. Old and worn, with more patches than original fabric, the bed is nonetheless plump and slightly overstuffed as she circles three times before laying her head down on her paws. More often than not she just sleeps in bed with her Dad but he says it’s important for her to have her own space as she grows up(even if it does take up almost a quarter of the floorspace of their wagon).
Uncle Frosty had tried to explain the concept of his meditation to her before, something about emptying your mind and becoming at peace with the universe, but truth be told she had just nodded until he gave her a rat. Regardless, it's more peaceful than the chaos of the beast tent and her toys are here: an army of little wooden figurines her Dad had made her: detailed carvings of all of the characters from Sea Cucumber Robert Rectangle Trousers, an ever expanding cast of monsters each of which her father had named and taught her the significance of, and a wooden representation of her strange family(though to a little previously orphaned owlbear it’s not that strange at all), complete with a painstakingly accurate Hootsie made of aromatic pine. 
Later, one Gricko Grimgrin rushes about the Carnivalé in a state of utter panic. Searching for his wayward adorable-lovely-perfect daughter. In all of the excitement of being waylaid by Kremy and then almost trampled by an agitated Oliphaunt he’d somehow lost track of her and after searching the entirety of the beast tent, the big top, and the rigged games he’ll admit he’s started to lose his famed collected and indifferent demeanor. 
“Hootsie! Hootsie! Hootsie, where are you?” Not pausing for so much as an answer, the flustered goblin continues rushing through the rows of canvas and out towards the collection of brightly painted wagons. Bursting through a green and red painted door he shouts: “Frosty you gotta come quick! Hootsie is missing and I can’t find her anywhere!”
“Careful Gricko, you’re about to cross the picket line.” A cool voice cautions. 
Taking a moment to examine the scene in front of him, he sees a variety of wooden figures placed purposefully about the room. On Frosty’s side of the rug stands little wooden Kremy and Gideon and, is that Necky? As well as (he thinks) Mr. Lobster and the sea cucumber himself under a building made of stacked books. Outside, a line of figures hold tiny parchment-scrap signs, at their forefront being tiny birch Frost and Hootsie. Speaking of; his daughter herself sits, enraptured by the tableau, a paper beside her covered in colorful scribbles under a pristinely penned headline reading ‘Notes’. 
“We’re learning about ethical labor practices.”
“Uh-huh. You know the last time I brought that up I woke up in the back of the wagon on the way to a farm.”
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