P&C | Ch. 1: The Night Before I Met You
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“Mira? Miraya? Can you hear me?” soft cries sound from the phone.
“Hi mom … m… mom it’s a video call, you have to turn the camera towards you,” I quickly say, as my mom’s ear stares back at me. It only takes her three tries and a hate speech against the electronic world we live in until we are finally met face to face.
“Is it working now? Can you see me?”
I nod, giving her a reassuring smile.
“Miraya, how are you? Why don’t you ever call us? I can’t sleep at night thinking about how you’re all alone. Your dad is getting mad at me, he thinks my worrisome would somehow bother you. Says you’re too busy.” soft cries of annoyance and genuine concern fill the room.
Moving out of my parent's home is one thing, but moving to another country … alone … is something completely different. The world is my oyster I used to say all the time, but now that I’ve tasted that stupid oyster I feel ashamed of my poor judgement. I would rather walk across a field of legos barefoot than go through another immigration process on my own.
See, a year ago, I would have only dreamed of living in Korea. Learning about the culture and exploring their diverse cuisine. It was all fun and games until hope turned into manifestation, which then formed a deep-rooted determination. I’ve spent all three years of high school, working my ass off, perfecting my GPA to appeal to the board of education. I guess it all paid off in the end, since fast forward to a year later, and here I am, in my one-room dorm of one of the most prestigious universities in Korea.
“I’m sorry Mom, I truly am. I keep meaning to, but honestly, there’s just not enough time in the day.” I try to convince both her and I.
To be honest, it has been about 2 months since I arrived, but with each passing day, I feel more and more lost. This whole time I’ve been consumed with academics, relying on nothing but my humongous brain to pull through with this mission. But now I realise that in terms of just living, functioning as one singularity in the real world, I am hopeless. Absolute noob. I’ve grown too comfortable living under my parent’s wings. Always enclosed in a bubble of security and protection, which I'm eternally grateful for if it wasn't for the fact that I'd become a complete menace to my older self.
Nonetheless, I'm here, somehow managed to overcome the post-immigration depression, even though the state of my dorm would like to argue otherwise. This is partially why I tend to not call back home as often as I wish to or should. I never want my parents to see the behind-the-scenes of my “success”, they at least deserve to live in peace knowing that their daughter who is 8600 km away is managing everything just fine.
“Miraya, please honey, don't make me call you out of worry. I want us to talk daily just because. I miss you so much, it feels like half of my heart left with you.” my mom's voice breaks, as she looks at the screen teary-eyed.
“Sorry Mommy, I promise I will call every day from now on. I miss you guys as well, it's insane to think that I won't be able to see you guys for Thanksgiving.” I try to maintain my composure but fail as a tear rolls down my face.
I'm the oldest daughter out of the three kids but my parents have always treated me like their little princess. This means that without fail, I have always taken that to my advantage. And no you can't talk to customer service about your complaints regarding moi because this main character energy has been deep-rooted in me since my diaper days. So please, respectfully, keep it to yourself.
Anywho, back to the point. Although my two brothers still live at home, my departure has left a big mark on our family dynamic. My mom has been worried sick for the past 2 months while the men of the family try to calm down her nerves. My brothers are beginning to feel a bit offended as they feel like my mom is neglecting their presence but in reality, she just isn't used to this distance, especially away from her blood. My dad is no better, he may look all tough and composed but for the first week following my departure, he cried himself to sleep while holding on to my childhood plushie.
“Okay, please keep that promise, honey. Everyone is sending you so much love, please take care of yourself. Are you ready for the first day?”
“I mean, as ready as I can get I guess. I walked around campus today to get an idea of where everything is. The only problem is that have about 10 minutes to get to my physics class which is located on the other side of the main quad. But, everything else is fool so I have to make it work.” I say with a heavy sigh.
“You're a smart cookie, dear. Everything will be just fine. You know I pray for you every day, ask God to protect my baby.”
“Thank you, Mommy, well I'm gonna have to go now. The dining hall closes in an hour. There's always such a big lineup.” I say in a rush.
“Of course, my love. We miss you, please stay safe!” my mom says as she waves me goodbye with a soft smile, the wrinkles around her eyes becoming more prominent.
The sunset paints the sky in a beautiful warm orange pallet with hints of baby pink. I quickly grab my keys, ID, and wallet before heading out the door after checking that everything has been unplugged. With a quick speedwalk, I managed to make it into the elevator before the door closed, that is until I tripped over my flip-flops and stumbled upon a body.
I dare not to lift my head, as one hand holds on to the wall while the other rests on someone's chest. I can feel my face getting red but the longer I stay like this the more it becomes less of an accident.
“I'm so sorry, are you okay? I was trying to make it to the elevator but my flip-flops had other plans.” I quickly say, straightening up as my hand finally detaches from them.
As I try not to make direct eye contact, I can tell that the poor fellow is a guy. He looks way more composed than I do, even let's out a little chuckle.
“No worries, are you okay? Why are we in a rush” he asks with a boxy smile.
“Oh no, I'm fine, just embarrassed. I was rushing to the dining hall, there's always such a big lineup.” I explain, still trying to maintain minimum eye contact as the blood from my face steadily settles down.
“Aah, I see, well don't be embarrassed, it happens to the best of us. Anywho, this is my stop, I guess I'll see you around.” the door of the elevator closes as he waves goodbye.
“Yeah, b .. bye” words tried to come out of my mouth before I was left alone to my thoughts. That is until I unfortunately saw my reflection in the elevator window.
Hair? Still left in two messy space buns, after I complained of it being in my face the whole time I was unpacking.
My shirt, you might ask? Well, it can only be the most humiliating piece of fabric I could find at my grown age, aka my Barbie merch. This whole time I was worried about my red face, while my shirt was covered in Raquelle printouts. Great.
--
I was right, the line at the dining hall was long, even more so than usual. But at least, I was able to find my friend, Jiah. She was the first person I met on campus, and even though we hung out every day since my arrival, we only realized that we were neighbours about a week ago. Women in STEM.
“Miraya!” she shouts across the hall, waving her hands as we lock eyes. I squeeze through a literal sea of hungry students and finally make it towards her.
“Jiah, you have no idea how happy I am to finally see you,” I say, breathless from all that walking (it was a maximum of 10 steps).
“Finally? What do you mean finally? We saw each other today in the morning,” the poor girl responds with actual concern on her face.
“Yes, but so much has happened. First of all, look at me. I look like I just came out of hibernation.” I sigh, realising she doesn’t understand my frustration as she is also repping that Barbie merch.
“What do you mean? You look cute,” she reassures me with a small chuckle.
I can’t help but laugh because we both look ridiculous, but it’s less embarrassing when a 6-foot-blonde guy with a boxy smile isn’t involved in the scenario. So, we quickly grab the food and enjoy the little debrief about our thoughts regarding the first day of classes.
“You know, I compared my schedule with my boyfriend yesterday and we only have 3 classes together.” Jiah sighed, pouting her lips.
“Well, you know, 3 classes versus the rest of your life. I feel like you guys will manage it just fine.” I chuckle, as she smiles back at me.
“You’re right, it’s silly. I just miss him. He has been away this whole summer, and no one warned me about how tough long distance is.”
“Where was he again?” I ask.
“Well, he first went on a grad trip with his guy friends and then back home to visit his grandparents. I just wished he was able to come back sooner. I really miss him.” Jiah looks down on her plate, swirling the leftover food with her fork.
“Hey, Jiah, it's just one more night, do you want to sleep in my dorm for today? We can have a relaxing pampering night, hm?” I say, as my hands reach towards hers. She looks back up and nods with a smile.
--
“What do you think of this? Or is this better?” I ask as Jiah is forced to judge the fashion show that I have created out of my possible outfit options for tomorrow.
“Oh, number 2, 100%. Are you kidding me? You look absolutely drop-dead gorgeous in knee-high boots.” she replies with complete certainty in her judgement.
The weather in Seoul is getting chillier so the knee-highs fit the theme, but are they not a bit too much? But also, I did not just go through all of those years to be just much. So, you best believe I will be making an appearance with those bad boys.
“You’re right, okay well then I’m all ready. Just have to actually wake up on time.” I say, lying on the sofa and looking at the precisely organized row of necessities Jiah and I prepped for the following morning. The rest of the night was spent just talking until we both fell asleep to the sound of rain hitting the window.
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greetings, just wanted to drop by to tell you that your leon art?? is so good, so beautiful, so full of emotion and you have destroyed me multiple times today with the power of it and i thank you for doing this, for sharing your work with us, for your vulnerability and your venting and the life you breathe into every sketch and image and comic and im just rambling at this point but. thank you for your leon, for the messages you've shared through him, with him, as him. thank you.
thank you so much for the kind ask! I think this should go the other way as well; I just do the things I do without fanfare, and the fact that you guys found them and give them a little bit of your love means the world to me. it always feels really magical. thank you for keeping my art company!
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love seeing ur tags on my posts it means i get to think 🥰🥰 anyway mostly agree but at least to me nico’s constant need to prove himself is a sign of feeling like he’s not worth other people’s time and effort and he has to MAKE himself worth it. he does all he can in the hopes that people will notice him and tell him that he’s good enough because he relies on the approval of people he loves. he thinks love is something conditional for him and that he always has to be earning it because he doesn’t have enough worth to have it just granted to him. again this is more my own interpretation of his character and possibly a bit of projection
(Post)
I will not fail to acknowledge that I might also be projecting somewhat onto Nico, what is media but self reflection? I think there's a couple ways you can see Nico that are canonically "correct"
What I personally think happened with Nico is that he was aware he was worth more than the treatment he was receiving, but because so much rejection occurred he eventually just assumed he was the problem. There's things on this I would rewrite now but it holds up okay in what I'm about to try and explain.
The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault.
I think this is something that really describes Nico. He is never able to nestle himself in the comfort of sameness after a certain point. He is not given authority in his own story in the beginning, he is thrust into solitude, he is told he is a monster already and if not then he has no choice but to become one.
And he takes this blame upon himself, believing that it's him who has to prove himself. He doesn't acknowledge that maybe other people have their own biases against him, he says "I have to prove them wrong," and then does his best.
It's important to note that Nico is definitely grappling with Childhood Emotional Neglect, he's in a broken situation- and he recognizes that nobody wants him around, and that he's just more stress for an already stressed group of people, so he just backs down and starts to figure stuff out for himself. We see him accept some help and friendship from The Stolls in TTC but eventually he stops doing this at some point.
His leave from camp and time with Minos is when he is used:
you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this
This is something I would say is very true about this time period of Nico's life. Minos emotionally exploits Nico, emotional neglect and abuse (possibly physical abuse, who knows) are defining characteristics of their interactions. Nico talks about how Minos will just randomly leave him for extremely long periods with no assistance, and about how when he's around he's always telling Nico to try harder, to do better, do more. Note the time he tells Nico "you have no power over me", he's definitely holding things over Nico's head. I don't think it's wrong to assume comfort is a part of that, Nico is alone all the time at this point, and I'm sure he's starved for touch, and support, and connection- and he will take whatever he can get whether or not it is good or right.
At first he doesn't do anything against this, and it might be because he was so starved for attention that he was willing to endure abuse to receive somewhat a consistent form of it. I also think there's some evidence that points to the idea Nico was getting something from Minos, training and similar stuff, it's possible he was willing to form and upkeep a toxic relationship with him in order to gain experience.
However, I do disagree with "and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this" because Nico does realize eventually that his situation isn't sustainable and that he has to do something- so he takes his narrative back into his own hands:
“Minos laughed. "You have no power over me. I am the god of spirits! The ghost king!"
"No." Nico drew his sword. "I am.” (X)
So Nico, if he ever thought he was worth the treatment of being used for someone elses personal gain, he definitely overcomes some of it here, if not all of it. Nico is manipulated and used for Minos's personal gain, but he recognizes that it's not sustainable and makes a stand for himself. And this is the first time in the series where Nico truly is able to take control of his own narrative, everything before this moment is Nico being forced, or Nico with something looming over him, Nico crowning himself is him claiming his story.
So let's consider Hades in all of this, I don't think Hades manipulated Nico to the extent Minos did- but nonetheless, he did manipulate and abuse him, and this hurt Nico more than when Minos did it. Again, in the situation with Hades this is also true, "you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing". By the time Nico and Hades truly start interacting, we see that Nico's heart hasn't been fully removed from his sleeve, but it may have been lightened.
Here's the thing about the way Nico approached Hades, it's not naïve to trust family. The text in multiple places implies that Hades was around for at least a handful of years when Nico was a kid, it's not unlikely that Nico may have taken naps on his shoulder, held his hand to cross the street, maybe called him "Papa", "Dad", or "Tata" (Italian, English, old Greek). It makes sense that Nico goes to him, what doesn't make sense to Nico at first is that Hades would manipulate him. Unlike many of the other demigods, Nico knows he was a choice, and that at some point he was something wanted, so he expects some level of okay treatment from Hades. Hades loved his mother, and Hades if not wanting of Nico would have wanted Maria's wishes fulfilled, and Nico probably remembers Hades treating him warmly- or at least not harshly. The way Nico went to Hades makes sense, he wasn't expecting open arms surely, but he also wasn't expecting abuse.
Hades emotionally exploits Nico by using information about Maria, what would a little boy want more than the safety of his mother? He's so starved for human contact, who ever held him more than his mother? Who ever loved him more than her? Once Nico delivers Percy to Hades, his father crushes him, not only by harming Percy but by exploiting Nico's trust through Nico's mother- one of the things he's most desperate for.
We see Nico's heart come off his sleeve at this point, maybe not fully, but enough to where a stranger couldn't recognize it at first glance, and in a way where he has the means to hide it from most.
Except we don't see much of this, because the series is narrated by Percy- and Nico can't hide his heart from Percy.
Almost everything Nico does, everything he tries to do, is for Percy. Nico is so desperate for contact that he is pliant, but in Percy's hands Nico actually wants that contact, he's not interested in imitations of love or substitutes- he's looking for the real thing.
And Mr. Oblivious does-Annabeth-like-me Jackson isn't in any headspace to realize that a boy might like him, let alone Nico. This concern that Nico will join Luke, isn't entirely because Percy is misreading signals, but it's definitely part of it. Nico likes Percy so much that at one point he is willing to go to Tartarus if not entirely for him, then partially for him.
If Percy had realized, and rejected Nico- maybe he would have joined Luke, or at least he definitely would have been more likely to. The perception of Nico we get in PJO from Percy is unreliable, because Percy looks at Nico through the lenses of a concerned older brother, and Percy feels guilty in some way for the situation Nico is in. This gives not only a skewed, but slightly falsified narrative of who Nico is.
The original post of mine I linked, although yes, I would like to rewrite aspects of it now it holds up in the sense that Nico is always trying to prove himself, and this is a bit different than being a puppet. Nico is so starved that it is present in everything, @/arabnico gets it right:
nico’s longing is just so raw it consumes him whole and he cannot hide it at all because it reflects in absolutely everything he does and is nico’s just the means of the way for them and he settles for being it because he doesn’t think he can be much better or even deserves to it is sometting so twisted because nico has this innate utalitarian desire to be useful and to do something and to do the right thing but in the game of things he’s reduced to that puppet in the hands of fate and deities millennia older than him that see a wounded wandering soul doomed to be forever alone by a destiny so cruel it keeps him on his knees
Nico, in PJO especially, has little control over his own narrative. His mother is killed in punishment for his father's "wrongs", Nico is forced to endure this. Bianca grows tired of caring for Nico and leaves him behind, this is not Nico's fault but Nico is forced to endure the consequences of her actions. Bianca's fate is decided on a quest Nico isn't even able to go on, he is forced to endure the results. Nico then breaks the cycle, declaring himself The Ghost King, and dethroning Minos. Nico is forced to endure Hades's manipulation only because he did not see it coming, this wasn't an aspect in which Nico didn't have his narrative (he had already taken ownership of his narrative) but a blind spot in his rational.
The place where we vary is why Nico behaves this way, we can agree that it's because he's starving for human connection- but you believe it's because he has no confidence he is willing to submit himself, while I see his submission as an act of desperation.
Personally, I think to argue that Nico is like this as a result of lack of confidence does a disservice to his narrative (obviously it's fine to view him however you wish, and I wish you all the fun in doing so!). To boil this down to starvation and lack of confidence removes some level of Nico's autonomy in his own life, but also strips him of one of his strongest characteristics- those qualities of him which are like Orpheus.
Nico willing to go to the ends of the earth for love is not a weakness but a strength, his ability to carry on beyond the point in which he needs a rest is not a weakness but a sign of strength. His ability to go to the ends of the earth to right wrongs, and to show his love:
"... Cupid struck, slapping Nico sideways into a granite pedestal. Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."
Cupid is explaining Nico's idea of love in this scene, we see Jason say he prefers Piper's idea of love- but Nico only knows love in the way cupid describes, working desperately for a few moments with Bianca, working just to hear any scrap of information about his mother, always trying to prove himself to Percy- to overcome the way he feels about Percy (and boys in general).
Nico has only known love as something you walk to the ends of the Earth for, but he never stops fighting to be loved and acknowledged. Lesser men would give up and lay down, accept they are unworthy, but Nico keeps pushing to be acknowledged and accepted- to be recognized and loved without having to walk to the end of the Earth, but Nico knows he has to walk to that edge and face it before unconditional love will come to him.
To imply that Nico seeks love the way he does because he's unconfident in his ability to receive love ignores the idea that he's had his life forced into this position because of the fates. It loses acknowledgment to the strength it takes to pick yourself up and walk to the end of the Earth time and time again, because if he was unconfident then he would eventually lay down and accept he shouldn't be loved ever again.
I don't think confidence doesn't play into this at all though, it definitely has some impact on Nico, he does view himself as inherently less (he is overly self sacrificial- think Tartarus :/), and he does try to remove himself from others:
You yourself said: you blame yourself for the way people have hurt you, taken advantage of you, and abandoned you. they exploit your love and your naïveté time and time again. you tell yourself, surely, there must be something wrong with you. because—you are convinced—that people are good. “if they hurt me, it is because i am flawed. it is because i am weak. people will always hurt me—even people i love. it’s an inevitable truth for me.” (X)
And this connects to what I said: "The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault."
I do think there's a reason Nico makes himself so "utilitarian", because he hasn't been handed unconditional love since Bianca. But again we disagree on the why, I see Nico's behavior in his utilitarian example of love as caring, the way more people should be in love. Too many people see love as something given without restraint, and yeah, love should be unconditional but in order for love to be unconditional you have to do the work to lay good foundation. To be utilitarian in loving is not an act of weakness, or a symbol of lack of confidence, it is a showcase of more care in love than most have to offer. We care for things, and place value on them determined by how much love and care goes into those things.
I also don't see Nico's self blaming for what happened as flawed, it's logical in his situation, and a common result of CEN. This self blame shows care and kindness, and this coincides with Nico's arcs, "If I am bad, how do I improve? If I have no choice but to be evil, how do I still be good?". Nico is always fighting not to be recognized for good or bad, but to be recognized for what he is.
Trust is not naivety either, the only reason Nico is regarded as naïve is because of the extreme circumstances of his life. People shouldn't have to expect abuse from people who are supposed to love them, people should have to accept abuse in order to receive love. If Nico's life had turned out different, his naivety wouldn't be viewed as a weakness but a strength- a kindness.
We're not actually viewing Nico all that different, there's this space where his character blurs together, and it becomes an individual duty to determine at what point a flaw becomes a strength, and a strength a flaw. Nico's stubbornness is a flaw if we're thinking about grudges, but it's a strength in his work ethic. Nico's ability to stand on his own is a strength in terms of questing, but it's a flaw when it prevents him from experiencing love in fullness.
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[ terror eyes ]
yandere! risotto nero x reader.
commissioned.
› word count: 2.8k.
› warnings: consensual kidnapping, delusions, dependency, implied familial abuse, graphic gore and murder.
› art credit: 39805470.
“Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.” — Kait Rokowski, Alight
he didn’t expect to feel this way. he didn’t expect to lose himself in you.
it’s the way your eyes shine when you look at him — the fleeting glances, the lasting smiles. it’s the way you say his name — the unexpected tenderness, the excitement on your face. it’s the way his heart beats wildly in your presence, the way he’s reminded of its existence. it’s the way you remind him that he is human, not the monster he’s made himself out to be.
when he looks in the mirror, he sees a void, a blackness so thick he’s afraid it will devour him whole. of all the things risotto nero does not fear, he fears himself most. and yet, when you look at him, there is hope, light, the very opposite of what stares at him from the mirror. you look at him like there’s something worth adoring, something worth loving — emotions he never imagined could be directed at him. it’s a foreign feeling, something he hasn’t felt in years. nothing short of a nuisance at first, the way your gaze would pin to him like a fan adores their idol or a disciple worships their god. being the source of admiration is nothing new to him — many a man look up to him with a mixture of awe and fear, some groveling for mercy and others joining his cause. risotto nero is accustomed to being watched, to having eyes on him from every angle and direction: from diavolo, who both trusts and distrusts him; from the capos, who look at him with awe and scorn, and from his own underlings, who both fear and revere him. risotto nero is a force to be reckoned with, and yet, the way you look at him like a lover is enough to unravel his layers, as if there was nothing to fear at all.
it’s hard not to feel naked around you, to not feel vulnerable, as if you’ll figure out his deepest desires and worst fears if you so much as tried. vulnerability is not to be shown in his line of work, even you understand this much. despite the way you look at him with such ardor, you keep distance. whether it’s out of fear or respect, he doesn’t want to find out. it’s better this way, to keep you at arm’s length; you aren’t supposed to be alive. that thought rings true in the recesses of his mind, a reminder of who you truly are, who he truly is, of how this relationship was fated for end from the start. but even he isn’t immune to selfishness and desire.
“welcome home!”
your voice holds the universe together, its stars and planets localized entirely to the house you both call home. there isn’t this urgent need to be careful around him — to feign happiness, to pretend your heart hasn’t been shattered so many times you’ve lost track of its pieces. there isn’t this urgent need to put your guard up around him, ensure it’s airtight, ensure it can take another beating. there isn’t this urgent need to be afraid around him. not anymore.
you don’t wait for a response, you never do. he never speaks without purpose, and you’ve grown accustomed to the way he wears silence like a mask. bounding up to him with a skip in your step, you attach yourself to his arm and lead him to the living room, the same conversation on your tongue as yesterday, the day before, and every day before that.
“how was work?”
a trivial question, considering his occupation; work is never good nor bad, because to him, taking life is neither good nor bad. it’s normal, it comes as easy as breathing. but for a moment, he feels the normality of it all wash over him. the catharsis that an ordinary life brings, one where he is married to a loving spouse, someone who greets him when he arrives home, someone who dotes on him at his highest and comforts him at his lowest. for a moment, you are his home, and for a moment, this is normal.
but moments are fleeting.
his heartbeat reminds him that this is real, that you are real. but there’s an ache in his chest and a longing for something else — for something more. he wonders if this happiness isn’t enough for him. if he was good, would he be capable of love? if he was good, would he be worthy of love? of your love?
how foolish... murderers aren’t meant to dream.
“i was so lonely without you, even the little metallica got bored...” you rub the smooth head of the stand, a little part of his soul perched atop your shoulder. a means to keep track of you, but you insist on treating it like a friend. as much as he pretends to find disinterest in your affection, he feels your touch vicariously through the little being and silently revels in it. “you didn’t get hurt did you?” your eyes scan his chest, searching for any visible wounds. when you find none, you look up at him with a smile that reaches your eyes. “i know you have a high pain tolerance, but i know basic first aid, and...”, you hesitate, heat dusting your cheeks like stardust. should you finish that thought? it’d not like he particularly cares for what you have to say, or so he lets on.
“and i want to be of use to you.”
he stares at you, a sense of affection flickering through his gaze. his heartbeat quickens and he searches your eyes only to find that same brilliance, that same hope worn proudly like armor. a reminder that you are blameless in all this. there are still things you don’t understand, things you couldn’t possibly understand. the true nature of his job, the truth about his past, all parts of him remain shrouded with uncertainty, parts of him that will forever remain a mystery. never does he speak of the thoughts weighing him down. you wish you could understand and he wishes he could let you, but his heart does not allow it. you are better off in the light.
“aha, forget i said anything. i was just joking...” your laugh is sardonic and forced, and yet it is still music to his ears. “but rely on me if you need anything, okay?” the question is rhetorical, you don’t expect an answer nor do you expect him to ever need your help, but you offer yourself on a silver platter nonetheless. it’s the least you can do for the man who saved you.
risotto laughs through his nose and corrects that earlier thought: you may belong in the light, but you’re better off here. he tells himself that anyways, convinces himself that what he did was for purely for your benefit. and even then that sentiment feels foreign, his behavior like a man possessed. who is he? that day he saw you, that day he killed your parents, who did he become? he’s heard that some change when they meet a lover, that they become someone else. a sick yet romantic concept, to change into someone else entirely as easily as changing clothes, as if love is enough to change the depravity of humans. tragedy and hatred was never foreign to him, the better part of his adult years spent wallowing in contempt and resentment; a shameful part of him, one he looks back on with disgust. how he used to wish that were true, that the scum who killed his cousin would seek forgiveness and repentance. but life is no fairy tale. and yet, when he met you, he became someone different, someone better.
and it still isn’t enough to make him worthy of you.
you are not red. when he met you, you were pure, untouched, unsullied by the red that surrounded you. unaffected by the red of your parents who hurt you, by the red of your family who let them, by the red of your friends who left you. despite the sea of blood you used to live in, you were anything but. anything but that wretched color, anything but the color of blood. you were his realization, his epiphany: his world has been dyed red for so long, he’d forgotten the beauty underneath.
you make him feel alive again.
“you’ll tell me if something’s wrong, won’t you?” there is no need for words, but you speak in hopes of giving assurance. you want to be his shoulder to lean on and to cry in, even if that offer will forever go untouched. but he can’t. as much as he longs for that companionship, to fall apart in your arms and let you the collect the pieces, he can’t. he doesn’t know what he needs. he doesn’t even know if he needs you.
but you need him.
“if it concerns you.” his reply is blithe, far too scathing a response for a lover’s concern, but you show no signs of quarrel. this isn’t the first time he’s brushed you off, especially when this false game of house has become commonplace: go to work, come home, be greeted a woman who’d happily be your wife if you asked, rinse and repeat. “i can take care of myself.”
you nod like you always do, but he knows you’ll fuss over him come his return from work tomorrow. a familiar smile is directed at him — a display which still feels foreign — and the gentle musings of a woman smitten with love follow as you guide him to the couch with the promise of dinner being ready soon. as he seats himself, the worries of the day roll from his shoulders like rain. how you fell for a man like him is beyond his understanding. even if he did save you from a far worse fate, from a family who would sooner be your undoing than the catalyst of your betterment, he is undeserving of your love. what he sees when he looks at you is hope and misguided truth — you’re too bright for him.
“we’re running low on groceries,” you call out from the kitchen, broaching the topic carefully, scared he’ll think you’re eager to leave. in this situation, you suppose most would assume that much, but you... you want to stay here. you want to be with him, to be around him more, not just when he returns from work. you want him, and you know he wants you too if only he’d let himself indulge. “i... i know you usually pick it up yourself, but i want to come with you,” you try to explain, confidence melting away like ice under his gaze. will your words get through to him? “n...next time, i mean, if that’s okay...” you meekly clarify.
if you didn’t admire him, the way he looks at you now would make your legs buckle. his eyes have never scared you, not like he expected they would, but there’s a certain terror they inflict when he looks at you as a nuisance rather than a lover. piercing red on black, the eyes of a demon rather than a human. and yet, he is your guardian angel, the only man who’s ever saved you. you know you’re safe with him, he wouldn’t hurt you like they did. the thought has flitted through your mind from time to time, memories of your abusers’ bodies mangled and torn apart from the inside. explanations don’t come easy to risotto, so you’re still left in the dark about your own parent’s deaths. not that you cared much for their passing, you were more concerned with the nature in which they died. tiny slits had opened on all corners of their body, as if they’d been instantaneously cut from the inside. you still remember their screams, guttural like the dying wails of animals, infused with the intense smell of iron permeating the air. you want to learn more about him, to understand him, and this... this power is the best place to start. why did he save you? why does he keep you? will there come a day where he leaves you too?
“it’s dangerous.” his eyes peel away from yours and you allow yourself the luxury of relaxation. “passione is still looking for you. your parents had an outstanding debt that your disappearance alone isn’t enough to tide over.” he notices the way your shoulders slump in his peripherals. if his lies weren’t for your own good, he might have felt some semblance of regret. “things will settle down, it’s pointless to keep asking,” he adds with a tone of finality. he’s never been one for consolation, so he doesn’t dwell on the sadness that permeates your being. you’re safer here, even you realize that; you don’t put up a fight.
“i see...” you turn away, hands busying themselves with a nearly-finished dinner. the smell of a home-cooked meal imbues the air with warmth, a reminder of his childhood. how long has it been since he’s enjoyed the presence of another, a meal made by someone who loves him? even when he treats you harshly, keeping you in the dark about your own safety and the reality of your situation, it’s never held against him. the love you pour into his meals is palpable, carrying a certain sweetness even where the dish has no place for it. if he’s being honest, it’s... addicting. to feel normal again.
his earlier reasoning isn’t a complete lie, more of a... half-truth. upon learning of your home life, of how much abuse you endured at the negligent hands of parents who refuse to let you leave, he’d intended to kill you too. put you out of your misery. leaving the children of hits alive is problematic for a number of reasons, the biggest being that grief drives people to extremes. risotto has always been keen on finishing jobs thoroughly, but even he could see that something inside of you was... broken. the way you watched your parents being ripped apart, mauled by something you can’t see nor begin to comprehend... amidst the guts and gore, he wasn’t able to place an emotion to it at the time, only that it was visceral, animalistic. realization only came later: the look on your face was one of pure happiness. surrounded by the blood of your own family, you were happy, relieved, hopeful. to see them finally suffer as much as you had, to see them finally gone from your life; you were so much like him, and yet so far removed all the same.
regret is lost on him. he doesn’t regret ‘saving’ you. your parents had it coming; their presence in the underbelly of naples had become troublesome for passione, the pair even going so far as to try to escape their debt to the mafia. a last-ditch attempt akin to the behavior of animals who’ve been cornered, risotto almost felt pity upon learning of your existence. the onus of repaying their debt would have fallen on you, a tactic even he didn’t quite agree with. but passione was never known for their lenience; this was the life risotto had chosen, after all. a life of crime and of murder, a life befitting a monstrous stand like his. at some point, he’d lost all sense of sympathy for his hits, their faces replaced by that of the drunk driver who killed his cousin. that scum’s sentence was far too lenient, and risotto has seen first-hand the trouble leniency can bring.
but he felt sorry for you. coming to terms with the sudden onslaught of pity was nauseating enough, but he’d offered to hide you until things settle down. the don was enraged that you’d ‘escaped’ before risotto could finish you off, but it was easy enough to let it go: you’ll ‘turn up’ eventually, and the debt your parents owed is the back burner for the time being. and, whether or not you preferred to die at the hands of your savior, you still followed him without quarrel when he took you. under normal circumstances, perhaps it’s better to say he kidnapped you, but you’ve always insisted that he did just the opposite; he freed you. for the first time in his life, he saved someone. where he couldn't save his cousin, he could save you.
“i’ll stop asking, but... maybe we can go together one day?” you pipe up, already setting a fresh plate of food before him. a model housewife, if this had been under normal circumstances. despite your attempts to hide any sadness, you wear a blissful expression when you glance up at him, head curiously tilted with the weight of your admiration for him. when you speak, he feels your love for him in every word; when you speak, he feels like he can love again. “as a couple,” you suggest, your smile genuine.
no, he doesn’t deserve you. not in the slightest.
“...i’d like that.”
but maybe one day he will.
dear-yandere, all rights reserved.
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Arata is an unfortunate character.
No, he is NOT!
But if we wish to make him one, then we don't need one fifth of the effort put into making Taichi the "sad" character that most fans keep labeling as "Poor Taichi", and Arata would have been then the most unfortunate character in Chihayafuru. All we need is a good mangaka (Suetsugu is!) & the intention to make him draw sympathy (the whole point), simply because Arata’s story is well packed with good material serving the purpose.
Starting with the fact that he was an almost blind child … Like “looking through a magnifying glass”, hearing voices outside but being unable to see anything~ A child who had to wear glasses from the age of 3, any writer can make this a touching story if so they wished -But Suetsugu sensei did not want to.
Growing up as a weak boy who is a letdown in everything most boys do, crying alone when he fails to fit in, disappointing his father who kept pushing him to go outside and be “normal” like all the other children all while letting go of Karuta that he was confirmed to have liked since he was very young. Writing a bit of his struggles to find a place for himself within the norms could have made readers cry a lot.
His grandfather thankfully extended his hand to him, offered him a place where he can be himself; But that too, created a situation where he maybe had to take a side & deal somehow with the other side because his grandfather & his father had a fight and he can only be torn between them. I’m no writer myself, but I can make this sentimental.
Then his father took him away to Tokyo where he had to be a part of a poor family, and not only to cancel his needs & desires (like for example having different outfits for school instead of the few he will be noticed to wear frequently) but to also work sometimes to support his parents, to wake up before school time in the early mornings when other children are probably sound asleep in their warm beds, to go outside in the cold, to earn some cash and to give it to his parents … I read some real sad stories with this idea. So yeah, Arata could have been one of the saddest characters if Suetsugu wanted him to be.
And not to mention being bullied and laughed at for not only his impoverishment (which he can hope to change) but for his identity (as a boy from Fukui speaking a “weird” dialect). He received all this with lot of patience, and tried to comfort himself by himself with his grandfather’s “gift”, how it was a refugee for him.
Any writer can make a sob story out of Arata’s unspoken loneliness & yearning for home, his grandpa & for playing his beloved Karuta properly.
Or out the fact that he couldn’t make any friends in his new school either (he was confirmed to never have real friends since his childhood through the fact that he struggled to fit in + he stayed like that even after he grew up (like Murao said), and he is not someone who doesn’t care about having friends because he was confirmed to almost worship his bond with Taichi & Chihaya, Taichi specifically even though their friendship isn’t really a comforting one; he longed for friendship however it is!)
He enjoyed that friendship nonetheless, he might even have felt like he was compensated for everything he wished for through it but he was soon robbed of all of it as he was separated from these friends & while he could still enjoy a bit of it through correspondence (at least Chihaya kept in touch), he wasn't as untroubled as needed for that because he was about to lose his precious grandfather.
And the process of losing him wasn’t something to take lightly either. Having busy (or rather negligent?) parents made him (a boy not even 14 years old) a caregiver for an old man who suffered from paralysis on the right side of his body and later dementia, not as simple as that, he had to watch what his most beloved & respected person turn into day & night, when he worked “really hard” (as stated in the manga) with his rehabilitation exercises, when he helped him with his baths, he massaged his limbs, he fed him, constantly talked to him & showed him Karuta cards to “keep him” in this world. And when it's too much for him, he goes outside the room and cries bitter tears silently, all alone!
There was this person who suffered from (PTSD) for years because their sick aunt didn’t recognize them (they were her favorite nephew before & they were 17 yo at the time), this person couldn’t visit her since & couldn’t see her before she died & they developed a fear of “getting too close” & of seeing sick people, they had to seek long & serious therapeutic help. And Arata actually suffered from PTSD for over a year & half, any psychologist can easily recognize that from the fact that he quit Karuta, refused to touch & hated to see the cards (I stress on this), how he answered Chihaya when she called him, how the calm & patient him (that we knew from his childhood) was agitated & treated her rudely when she insisted on playing a match. And it was all confirmed in Arata’s last words in the same chapter: “I wanted to see you, I always had, but I didn’t want you to see me like this” (in the official tr), he knew that he wasn’t himself (contrary to what Taichi thought, his friend who decided to abandon him instead of trying to help. Chihaya still had faith in him but Taichi was louder -ch10)
Still, thanks to Chihaya, Arata was back to his beloved Karuta, though we all questioned how much fun he really felt while playing again, how much of him was involved with the game now. And eventually, he himself expressed the pressure (not the fun) he felt while playing. What took his passion away, what turned the feelings of a Karuta baka into mere obligation, this also is good content for an emotionally charged story, it only needs the intention of the writer.
And he shone in the world of Karuta. YET he was never “proud” of it, that was never received as anything special. When he comes back home, none really cares (or at least, none shows any enthusiasm), he goes to the western-challenger qualifiers and his parents won’t even go watch, won’t even prepare some food for him, he comes back home late & finds none, and prepares everything by himself (apart from Yu’s help). His parents pray for his defeat, meaning that his DREAM to become Meijin/be strongest in Karuta doesn’t mean much to them, and he knows it, and he was never shown telling them the news like when you want to share a happy one. Arata’s mother -before giving up after acknowledging Arata’s dedication- wanted his defeat even though there was enough money to support him, the lack of money being the excuse she & her husband claimed to be the reason of their lack of support.
The support system Arata lacks isn’t only in his family. Since the death of his grandfather he seems to stand alone in Karuta too. Murao was the only one who spared some time for him but only after he realized how “alone” he was and took pity on him. Murao's realization implies that the training Arata was doing at the Nagumo society didn’t really count for what he really needed. Kuriyama sensei (being expected by fans to be the “Harada” in Arata’s side) was almost useless & he himself expressed his confusion about what to do with him & how to help him. We never saw him particularly guide him in any way either. "Experiences" & "taking chances" were two factors that helped Mizusawa members for example to grow a lot, but these chances are doors without knobs & we know that they were opened for them by adults who were taking care of them in a way or another + being friends ensured that they encouraged each other then proceeded with every idea they got to learn & experience more. Arata lacks both these sources (adults around him rather burdened him with their expectations) so he kept training on his own mostly & we saw how it felt frustrating to him to be relying only on his solo training & an "image" encouraged by a long-dead teacher, he realized the toll of lacking real opponents in practice with whom he can measure his abilities & correct his mistakes to grow stronger. Support can also be emotional. Did Arata ever receive particular emotional support? I can only remember panels where the people worried for him kept watching him from afar while he dealt with it on his own.
Yu was an exception but even her support was written in a way suggesting that Arata was prepared to go on without it. Because with time, Arata learnt to "not expect much" which is also a very interesting trope for a sad story.
And he was described as “a lonely player on top” but this was never elaborated to show how it felt like to be one for Arata himself. This idea is also brilliant for melancholy if the author wanted fans to sympathize with Arata but she didn't go beyond praising Chihaya who could somehow reach him & Shinobu chan.
And while playing on his own (or working part time to support himself), taking care of himself, he met his two precious friends again (they were the only selfish desire Arata has openly expressed throughout the series). But what he felt is that he was left behind & that he was the only one so far away. And he was. They got to experience so many things he didn’t, they made new friends & new bonds & he didn’t, they got closer to each other & he didn’t… At the end he went back to be the outsider & them the two old childhood friends. If the author wrote just a little bit more about these, if she highlighted these facts they could have made a good drama.
Love is the main reason Taichi is "felt for" (because he progressed in karuta but not in Love ..not yet at least). Arata is also a part of the love triangle in Chihayafuru, and if we try to summarize it with the intention of making it sad, then let's go, there is enough to say for that, we just need a good writer (which I'm not sadly).
Still in short: Arata seems to have started to develop feelings for Chihaya a long time ago but he had to keep that in check because he thought she was dating Taichi & he kept his distance out of respect for that assumed relationship even though he craved at least connecting with his old friends. When he came closer, Chihaya was interested in him but he never knew, the enthusiasm she showed him was not different from how she is with everyone, no, Taichi received special treatment, while for him, every time he tries to say something to her he is cut off somehow. Everything seemed to be against them getting close. Later Chihaya seemed to have ultimate fun with Taichi too, maybe that was the only thing he thought he could give her, now she didn't need it. Maybe he had that thought again when she praised his game against Harada sensei that's why he confessed but soon, She is once again so far away, she seemed to need Taichi to function properly, he understood that & he used that to cheer her up in her most important tournament. He wanted badly to play with her again to only be totally iced, he couldn't even be seen by her, he was so far away, she belonged to where he wasn't part of (& even her friend kana found a way to express her disapproval of him)
Can we not make a drama out of this?
Or out of his stuttering, awkwardness & introversion? Or maybe the fact that his parents don't understand him? And did anyone alse feel that in most of Taichi's mother's appearances, we got this feeling that Taichi is a son who should be cared for while when Arata's parents appeared, many times, we can feel how Arata was used to highlight their feelings as individuals & he was drawn there as the member of the family who had to pay attention to that?
Anyway, every single one of these points alone is very good material for a "tearjerker" so what about all of them combined? because they are all facts from Arata's reality.
Again, all we need is a good writer (we have it) & the intention to make it that way which isn't there. Suetsugu decided instead to put double the effort to make Taichi the "sorrowful/anguished" one because Arata is not a character written to feel sorry for or to commiserate. He is rather written for the most part of the manga as an inspiring one, an aspiration, to be a drive & a goal.
So despite having all the above circumstances, he is instead written as a character who keeps to himself, doesn't complain, hides his hardships, makes it seem that he fine when he notices that someone is watching, tries to focus on what he has & be happy with it however little or simple.
That's why it's easy for him to forget & forgive, easy for him to recover & stand up again because there are other characters who need him there as an example, who think that he is perfectly fine so they should only focus on themselves and thus, Bildungsroman can be used for them.
And finally-
wait,
what were Taichi's problems again?
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platonic cuddles with the ndrv3 boys.
➳ genres: non-romantic, gender-neutral, fluff
➳ word count: 844
➳ notes: it’s been so long since i wrote for danganronpa, and i thought it would be exciting to make a new writing blog! i really hope i’m able to bring something new to the table~
『rantaro amami』
if we’re being real, he’s definitely a bit awkward about it. not that he dislikes it, he just likes to keep these sorts of things exclusive to romantic relationships. if you want to cuddle, you’re going to have to initiate it yourself. due to his caring nature, he’s pretty cooperative and lets you get comfortable against him. rantaro never moves without your direction. he prefers that you move his arms to your liking or tell him verbally how you want him to hold you. on rare occasions, you might feel vibrations of his chuckle as he tells you how his best friend is “such a baby.”
『kokichi ouma』
he’s aggressive with his cuddling. since he doesn’t show how much he appreciates you too often, his cuddles feel like extreme bursts of friendly love. it’s uncomfortable and unexpected, almost as if you’re getting pounced on by a large dog. nonetheless, it always makes you smile. he actually relaxes when you spend time like this together. no pranks, no condescending remarks. just your cute best friend snuggled in your chest. kokichi isn’t scared to leave a kiss or two on your cheeks, either! try not to let it get to your head though; if he sees your red face, you’ll never be able to live it down.
『k1-b0』
i don’t think he really understands the concept of platonic cuddles. the majority of his knowledge on physical affection has been categorized under his “romantic activities” file. even after you explain yourself, he’s still uncertain. the boy is a straight-up block of metal, he’s worried you won’t have the experience you’re imagining. overtime however, kiibo feels more assured. he turns on his heating function, holds you nice and close, and locks his sight on you. deep talks while you’re trapped in his arms are his favourite. he’s also got a little obsession with you combing your fingers in his fluffy mop of hair.
『gonta gokuhara』
if he wasn’t the ultimate entomologist, he would be the ultimate cuddler. his huge frame and loving personality are the perfect combination for the number one cuddle buddy! he likes to hold you like a teddy bear, and can become absorbed by your warmth against his chest. i’ve always had the impression that he’s a talkative cuddler. he becomes vulnerable in these situations, and will reveal his personal turmoils while drawing pictures on the small of your back. despite being the perfect guy to snuggle with, you and gonta don’t do it often. if only both of you could stay awake.
『shuichi saihara』
similarily to kiibo, the thought of cuddling with a friend hasn't occured to him before. he suddenly treats you like a glass art piece whenever you want to be snuggled up with him. his hands hover above your body, his grip so light you barely feel his weight. rest your head on his shoulder and you'll have a front-row seat to the detective's reddened ears. shuichi prefers to focus on trying not to look as if he's enjoying the activity, so he doesn't talk a lot. if you speak, however, he's all ears. it helps him take his mind off of his thumping heart and sweaty palms.
『korekiyo shinguji』
korekiyo is absolutely not into the idea. hell, he wouldn’t even cuddle with an actual significant other. cling to his arm, jump on his lap, bury your face in his shoulders; he won’t give in to your calls for attention. he’ll even have the audacity to glare at you silently the whole time you’re on him. don’t worry though, the guy’s not heartless. no matter how much he hates it, he won’t shake you off. still, it can be a frustrating venture. your best friend rarely stops working, meaning you’re going to be constantly dragged around his office. at this point, cuddling with a pillow is probably the ideal option.
『ryoma hoshi』
cuddling ryoma is a nostalgic experience, you hold him tightly against your chest like a stuffed toy. he likes when you play with his fingers or pat his head. resting his chin on your arms might cause him to dose off if he’s not careful. when he falls asleep, he’s similar to a cat. bumping your hand, subtle sounds, quiet switches in position, the whole package. i think he enjoys being babied a little; it makes him feel cared for. but don’t do it frequently! he wants to be seen as a friend that’s reliable, not relied on. that’s probably why he agrees to cuddle in the first place.
『kaito momota』
the moment you befriend him, you unlock the kaito momota cuddling feature. he does it absentmindedly. slinging his arm around your shoulders can become hours of his legs entangled with yours. he’ll play with your hair, initiate small talk, maybe leave a few pecks on your forehead if he’s really in the mood. he’s just an affectionate guy, whether you’re his friend or his lover. since he doesn’t realize what he starts, he’ll be shocked when you point it out to him. feeling himself blush, kaito removes his limbs off your figure and apologizes awkwardly. he always looks cute like this.
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birth chart reading for @likeaforgottenmemory
hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.
🦋 chart shape, dominants
your chart is a bucket shape, with jupiter as the handle of the bucket. your jupiter is in the 7th house, hence matters regarding relationships and love will be your priorities in this lifetime. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.
your dominant planets are venus, the moon and neptune. you're a very romantic person who strives for peace and balance, you like equality and you hate injustices and conflicts. you're also very creative and you have artistic interests, you have a strong imagination and you may often get lost in your own thoughts. yet, you could be a bit too emotional or moody.
your dominant sign is libra. you're overall a peaceful person, you try to avoid conflicts if possible, even though sometimes you could have a sharp tongue. you're a romantic person, maybe too much. you hold unrealistic expectations of people, hence you often get disappointed when things don't turn out the way you thought. you're able to see both sides of an argument, and that's both good and bad. in fact, you're very objective, and most probably your opinions are right; yet, it may be annoying for people that are venting to you, as you could constantly point out their mistakes, even though you don't do it out of malice.
your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.
🌎 ascendant in libra, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus
you're naturally likeable, you have a particular charm to you that makes everyone drool over you. you're very nice and outgoing, you always try to make others feel at ease. you're very considerate of others' feelings. you strive for fairness and justice, it's the way you approach others and the world. basically, you treat others like they treat you: if they're kind with you, you'll be very sweet. otherwise, you'll turn very sarcastic and harsh, almost cold at a certain point. this can make you seem quite aggressive, especially with your impulsive sagittarius moon. you're very opinionated, you always feel the need to express your thoughts as you're very proud of them. in addition, since you always decide whether something is right or not, you may come off as a know-it-all. on the other hand, you're very sociable and you enjoy being in company, doesn't matter whether you're with your family, friends, lover etc. you may get to know many people throughout your life, but your friendships may not be much stable. you are surrounded by people, but you could feel lonely particularly often. I also need to point out that libra is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. you're most likely very attractive and magnetic. even if not necessarily conventionally, people find themselves attracted to you. you may have sparkling doe eyes, with also full lips and a defined cupid's bow. your face is more on the longer side, perhaps you have an heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. you may also have naturally amazing, fluffy and flowing hair. your body is also very feminine, with a lot of curves and softness to it. it's very romantic, to sum up. also, your hair is probably naturally beautiful; it could be curly, or at least it's very thick and healthy-looking, even if you don't take much care of it.
libra ascendant opposite aries jupiter: you probably learn a lot from people around you. you're most likely surrounded by wise, spiritual and possibly foreign individuals in your life. they help you to grow up, both spiritually and mentally. this placement also enhances your libra-sagittarius energy, making you look even more outgoing and approachable. you're also very open-minded, and you rarely have prejudices. the downside to this placement is that you may depend too much from your friends or lovers, especially when it comes to your beliefs. you're easy to influence, and you may change your mind often if others disagree with you. you could possibly have high expectations from others, creating a false idea of those who surround you. at least, you're aware of your abilities and you have the potential to make the most out of them, but you're modest about it. you don't come off as bossy, as other jupiter - asc aspects would.
🌞 sun in libra, 4° / 1st decan ruled by venus
this is the most romantic and kind-hearted libra decan. you are very intuitive, you understand others’ real feelings very easily. you’re very polite and mannered, you have this innate elegance about you that could make people jealous. you may even come off as snob. even though you may look flaky at first, once people get to know you you’re actually very reliable and trust-worthy, as you are a person of strong morals. you may unconsciously manipulate people, but you don’t do it with malice. in fact, you’re probably not even aware of it most of the times. you’re reserved, and you don’t like being the centre of attention, despite craving compliments. nonetheless, you still like getting to know new people; you’re the type to know everyone, but you may struggle to find actual best friends, as your bonds with people are quite undeveloped and superficial. you have a nice sense of humor, and you may rely on sarcasm a lot. you’re also the type that doesn’t like to accept her mistakes. probably, when you were a child you used to scream 'it’s not my fault!’ in every occasion. in life, you strive for equality and fairness. for example, you don’t want to give less than someone else, you would feel guilty about it. at the same time, you don’t want to be the one that gives more either; you’re afraid that people could take advantage of you. therefore, balance is what you find the most pleasant.
🌙 moon in sagittarius, 9° / 1st decan ruled bt jupiter
you're an outgoing and warm person, who always tries to make others feel at ease. I assume you try to be nice to everyone, but you can't help but be a little awkward around people you don't know. with your sagittarius moon, you go with the flow and don't shy away from challenges. they're moments to prove your potential and abilities. you are an extremely open-minded person, you rarely judge a book by its cover. you probably despise racism, homophobia, misogyny etc. with a passion (as you should tbh). you may also be into poetry, philosophy, and just anything that can stimulate both your mind and feelings. in fact, your mind is constantly wandering somewhere else, allowing you to travel with your fantasy. you're also probably attracted to foreign things, like people, music, fashion, languages, movies etc. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. when you get angry, you can actually get quite rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight. you’re friendly, especially with people you feel comfortable with, and you probably love talking. you’re able to put a smile on others’ face just by telling your stories, even though you never truly go in-depth. you're quite optimistic, as you see good in everyone. yet, while this is a good trait that allows you to be more at ease in relationships, you may also be fooled easily due to your blind optimism.
sagittarius moon conjunct sagittarius saturn: you most probably felt misunderstood during your childhood, as if everyone were cold with you. maybe your mother (or anyone in your family/childhood) was emotionally absent or even aggressive, hence you didn't grow up in a completely healthy environment. this issue causes you to question your worth; you may have low self-esteem, especially during your early years. your family may have big expectations of you, and hence you feel the need to meet them, making you even more pressured to be perfect. overall, your personality may resemble that of your parents a lot, even though it may feel challenging for you. you're constantly strict with yourself, challenging yourself to improve. especially with your libra dominance, you always want to be at your best state, physically but also emotionally. you just want to radiate good vibes, even though you may feel limitated to share all of your true self due the moon making this harsh aspect to saturn.
🗣 mercury in libra, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and mercury
you're very diplomatic! you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a high voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. I feel like with your sagittarius moon you have very strong opinions, and you're actually particularly proud of them. luckily, this placement makes you able to communicate them with diplomacy. you could often get angry if someone tries to prove you wrong, but aside from that, you try to be very elegant and formal when you speak. you're probably not fond of cursing, or at least you try to appear as mannered as possible with people you're not comfortable around. last but not least, you're such a charismatic, smooth talker that you result very persuasive. you're able to trick people with your words, which appear very diplomatic and calm.
libra mercury opposite aries jupiter: this placement emphasizes your intellect. your mind is so broad that you can come up with different theories and philosphies, making you a sort of genius. you're probably good at memorizing things, and you could even have a photographic memory. yet, with this aspect, you may have troubles being consistent with your ideas. you may overestimate your needs and thoughts; for example, you may promise yourself to get all As in maths, then you get tired and bored and you end up getting Cs. same goes for your handwriting, for example: you may start writing in the best way possible, then you get lazy and end up writing in a sloppy way just to take notes. you also overthink a lot, and that causes you self-esteem issues. on the other hand, you're very open-minded and objective, as you look at the big picture. you'd do very well as a journalist, for example, or perhaps also as a judge of any kind. you may also be naturally skilled at foreign languages, you can mimic accents pretty well. you're probably also very poetic and / or wise, you're like a teacher for your friends.
❤️ venus in libra, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus
you're very romantic, and this placement helps your sagittarius moon being less flaky. you're not looking for a partner, you're looking for a whole disney prince. you do care about looks when choosing a lover, but not necessarily a conventionally beautiful person. they have to appear perfect at your eyes, and this usually depends on the way they treat you. in fact, you despise vulgar, rude people. people that act like that immediately become unattractive to you. you're also very picky, exactly because you're looking for the perfect lover. you're probably the type to cry at movies. you're also quite of a cliche; you're into roses, romantic dinners, sunsets... anything romantic that you hear about in fairytales. the problem with this placement is that you may overestimate the people you frequent, ending up having different expectations from reality. probably, you may idealize people too much; that is, you may create a version of others that only exists in your head. hence, once you get to know someone better, they turn out to be the exact opposite of what you thought. this causes you to be sort of naive when it comes to relationships, so pay extra attention to this problem now that you're aware of it.
☄️ mars in virgo, 23° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and venus
your life revolves around being productive. you don't like to waste your time, you always try to learn and gain something useful from everything you do. that's caused by the fact that you're motivated to be perfect in what you like; this, combined with your competitive nature, may often cause you to burn out. in fact, the downside to this placement is that you may overwork yourself too much. this is bad, especially considering your heavy libra dominance: pisces is all about imagination, creativity, beauty, romance... if you work too much, you don't have time to travel with your mind, and that's a serious issue for a libra. in fact, it may be hard for you to endure too much hard work. you're capable of achieving your goals, but in order to do that you also need a break from time to time.
virgo mars square sagittarius saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.
🏡 houses
your 1st house is in libra. you always try to be kind and friendly with people you don't know; you most likely don’t like conflicts, you prefer avoiding them, even though you may have some troubles with that due to your impulsive and fiery sagittarius moon. you probably care a lot about your appearance, and because of that you could get insecure from time to time. usually, people with libra in their 1st house look for themselves in others, as their chart is basically upside down. you also have your libra mercury in this house; you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, and you are able to come up with new ideas and solutions quickly. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. your scorpio pluto is also in the 1st house: you see the world as a place full of dangers and malice, hence it’s hard for you to trust people. this awareness of the world makes you look mysterious and secretive, as if you always know something more than others (and you probably do). pluto is also the planet of transformation, and you might experience a lot of rebirths throughout your life, both physically and emotionally. you might lose/have lost a big amount of weight, for example, which makes you look like a different person. or maybe, you like dying your hair of a different colour, giving you a different vibe.
your 2nd house is in scorpio, with also your moon and saturn placed there. this placement can make you seem a bit selfish. in fact, you’re extremely possessive of your possessions, you don’t want to share them with others. there’s a lot of karma around your finances. in fact, if you’re too stingy, it may bite your butt. you need to give in order to receive, so I’d suggest you to share your things more with others. you could share a meal with a friend, for example. you’ll surely get something positive back from it. your finances may not be stable either; they are in constant change, and while this placement can make you earn quite a great amount of money, it can also make you lose everything you have. no inbetweens. the 2nd house is also about self-esteem, your relationship with your appearance. you have contrasting feelings about it; some days, you’re very confident. other days, you hate yourself. you may find flaws in every single picture you take or every pants you try on. it’s a very intense placement, as you may often feel as if you need to change your appearance in order to love yourself. based on other placements in your chart, it could manifest in spending money in a new wardrobe for example, as you feel like changing your style would help you boost your self-confidence. the moon here also gives you materialistic tendencies; you may struggle to show your feelings with words, you tend to show your feelings through material things such as gifts. you're probably the type to say I love you through gestures instead of words, even though your libra dominance just makes you very affectionate in general. saturn here could have given you some troubles with your finances in your early years; perhaps your family used to struggle with money, and as a result you can get quite anxious when spending money, you hate waste. this could also manifest in your sense of self-worth; you could have been quite insecure, especially before your 30s. you may have to work extra hard to achieve wealth and / or self-esteem, but at least you're going to be quite successful and confident.
your 3rd house is in sagittarius, with also your uranus and neptune placed there. this is an amazing placement for a writer! you’re extremely open-minded and philosophical. you’d probably do great at poetry or just literature in general. you’re thirsty for knowledge, you aspire to learn everything you can, you enjoy being smart and educated. you most likely love comedy, and you have an amazing sense of humor yourself, you’re able to light up the room and make everyone burst into laughter even if you don’t mean to. you’re also very intelligent, you’re able to memorize things fast and you’re also a fast-learner. you may be less into gossips than other libras, as you’re very benevolent and considerate of others’ feelings. in addition, you’re able to see the good in everyone, there’s no reason for you to talk behind someone’s back. actually, it’s the opposite. you’re quite impulsive, you say things as they are. uranus and neptune are also sitting in this house: you are extremely creative, you are able to come up with very innovative ideas easily. the downside is that you may sometimes end up sounding a bit like a know-it-all when stating your opinions, as you're very passionate about them.
your 4th house is in capricorn. I can tell that your childhood was quite complex. not necessarily bad, I don't see any kind of trauma, but you probably had to grow up way sooner than other kids. your parents could have been very hard-working and focused on their jobs, possibly wealthy too. they were very responsible and cared a lot about you, they always made sure you had everything you needed, even though they could have been slightly absent from time to time due to their jobs. people with a capricorn ic usually find something missing in their childhood, they had to deal with responsibilities from a young age. it could even be that you started working when you were still a teen, or maybe you had to take care of the house or of your siblings for them. you weren’t much extroverted, you preferred staying in, drawing, playing games etc. it could also be that one of your parents may be absent; they could be divorced, or in the worst case they might have died when you were pretty young.
your 5th house is in aquarius. you’re extremely creative, your ideas are very innovative, and you may have particular hobbies, interests or taste than others. when you’re able to fully express yourself, you gain full security and you start experimenting and inventing new things. you could be the type to start new fashion trends, music styles, art styles… basically, you’re a creative genius. your hobbies may also involve astrology, as well as human studies like psychology, or also anything that has to do with technology. you may be into videogames for example, tv series, social media… they’re your way to spend your free-time and relax. your relationships may also be very unconventional; you could usually date people online, or perhaps you may have the potential to meet someone through dating apps. they’re quite unstable, they may end out of the blue for example. yet, the part of fortune here makes it better; in fact, you’ll be able to achieve the best of your luck through creative outlets. again, if I were in you I’d definitely try writing something! you may also dedicate yourself to fashion, art, music, etc., anything that stimulates your creativity.
your 6th house is in pisces. in your daily life, you hardly ever have a structured schedule. you go with the flow, you take things as they come. you may often have your head in the clouds, you could get distracted easily and you may literally creative oscar-worthy movies in your head instead of doing what you need to do. your job may involve arts, images, possibly even fame. you should definitely use your creative talents for your possible career. also, you could benefit from helping others; you could be a psychologist or therapist of any kind, a nurse… any place where you’re able to help others. again, you could also help others through your art, hence with your lyrics, books, etc. when it comes to diets, workout routines, skincare routines etc. you could lack consistency, even though your libra energy makes you more motivated to take care of your appearance. you may sleep a lot, it’s easy for you to feel tired and stressed even when you’re not over-working yourself.
your 7th house is in aries, with also your jupiter sitting in this house. love is most likely not your priority in life, even though you're very romantic. you need independence, and you’re able to stand up for yourself on your own. you don’t need someone else to help you. for you, love is a want, not a need. you tend to attract partners in your life that are hot-headed, stubborn, assertive and goal-oriented. they strive to be the best at everything they do, they’re extremely competitive and willing to do anything to achieve their goals. basically, you attract very dominant partners, but you don’t want to be dominated or controlled. you may often experience power struggles between you and your partner, which cause you issues in every relationship you get in. at the same time, you wouldn’t stand someone too submissive either, as you still need someone that would mentally stimulate you. they may actually be quite selfish and self-centered, they’ll care more about their own development rather than that of you two as a couple. an aries 7th house indicates that while you’ll have a very active, passionate spouse, you may also experience lots of arguments and discussions in your marriage life, perhaps even physical violence in the worst case. your jupiter here luckily makes things better; while you may often experience power-struggles with your partners, you most likely attract very outgoing and altruistic people as well that could help you feel loved. you may also have tons of people crushing on you, you could have lots of luck with love and even with friendships.
your 8th house is in taurus. you have the most stable, stubborn sign in a house that requires constant change. you probably hate changing your routine and stepping out of your comfort zone. changes are hard for you to accept; you find it hard to change job all of a sudden for example, or even letting go of a toxic friend of yours can be stressful for you. also, you could be quite materialistic and fond of material possessions, causing you to be a bit too stingy, which isn’t good for your karma. another reason that this house contrasts with your 2nd house in scorpio is that you feel like you constantly need to change, but ironically slow taurus makes your changes way slower than usual. sometimes, when they happen, they’re so subtle that you probably can’t even see them or at least notice them at first. this placement may also indicate that you could get an inheritance, especially since your venus isn’t harshly aspected, and you’ll most likely have a peaceful death.
your 9th house is in gemini. gemini in the 9th house cusp usually makes people a bit close-minded, as they are very logical and careful in their approach to the world. you may change your ideas and opinions quite quickly, to the point that you could seem unconsistent. when learning new things, you like exploring different matters and subject, from maths to literature, but you may struggle to focus on only one. as a result, you may lack precision. you're probably a fast-learner and you're very witty and curious, you like learning about anything you can. you probably like studying, not necessarily at school but studying in general, and you may also be skilled at foreign languages. you could also be interested in foreign matters, such as cultures, music, etc.
your 10th house is in cancer. your career needs to be private. that doesn’t mean that you can’t become famous of course, but you prefer being more hidden at job, you may even work from home or from a young age. many celebrities with this placement, in fact, started working when they were still young. also, cancer indicates that your future job will give you the opportunity to express and / or deal with your / others’ feelings and emotions, and considering that the ruler of this house, the moon, is in the 2nd house, I can see you making loads of money thanks to your job. you could become a writer, a singer, an actress, as well as a nurse, a therapist… anything that allows you to express your emotions while also communicating something is suitable for you. you could possibly also choose the same career as your parents, or you may handle the family’s business for example. you could also end up doing the job of your childhood dreams. you feel the need to pursue a meaningful career in your life, you want to feel emotionally connected to it. you don’t only want something that allows you to earn money, you also want to gain wisdom and maturity from a job, and hence you could even be a bit picky in choosing your future career.
your 11th house is in leo, with also your mars placed there. with this placement, you’re probably very popular among your friends, you’re most likely the most talkative or funniest member of your group. you may also attract very popular people yourself in your friendships, perhaps even celebrities. possibly, you could even make friends that allow you to gain recognition and / or popularity, doesn’t matter whether it’s in school, job, etc. you could also have very big dreams for your future, probably regarding your career and finances. you most likely aspire to be wealthy and financially independent, you are very hard-working and possibly even a bit materialistic. mars here makes you attract a lot of people in your life. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. you're also very hard-working, and you aspire to achieve all of your dreams.
your 12th house is in virgo. this is another placement that indicates that you are an amazing writer! in fact, the 12th house is about secret skills too, and virgo is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication. you do the math. with this placement, though, I feel like you may feel restricted from pursuing your goals, or even a career in the public eye, as you’re quite sensitive to others’ criticism about you. you strive to be perfect all the time, and your libra rising wants to constantly have a nice reputation. a scandal, or even simple haters, would probably be the end of you. you also have venus placed here, meaning that deep down, you actually crave affection from someone else. yet, you may be afraid, or perhaps too shy to approach a possible partner. but remember, the 12th house is also the house of secret talents! in fact, especially with your libra rising, you’re extremely likeable. you shouldn’t be afraid of not being liked back, for example. remember that your love life will get better with time, as you become more mature in that field. the sun is also placed in this house; with this placement, I assume that you may struggle to take action. you may try to avoid conflicts at all costs, to the point that you could actually start victimizing yourself. you could struggle to accomplish your goals, you try to be productive but you may be too shy to be in the spotlight once you achieve your goals.
❤️ love life, soulmates
in love you attract aries, aquarius, sagittarius and libra placements. your future spouse will most likely have aquarius and libra traits placements; they’ll be very smart, creative, bold and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. it could be love at first sight, and you may meet them through other people, maybe through your job or through your friends. your children will have strong aquarius, possibly capricorn placements. they’ll be very dreamy, they’ll have big goals for their life, and they’ll also be extremely intelligent and creative as well.
👶🏻 family life
your father is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for himself when he has to, but he may struggle to do that. he’s very smart, caring and empathetic, even though he may be a bit childish at times. he could have cancer placements in his chart, possibly scorpio too. your mother, on the other hand, is a bit more serious and focused on work, but she always made sure you always had what you needed. she was probably the strict parent in the family, but she still has some sweetness and nice humor to her. also, she may have capricorn, aquarius, sagittarius or cancer placements in her chart. if you have siblings, they most likely have sagittarius, aquarius, pisces and / or aries placements in their chart. they could be foreign or skilled at foreign languages, and you may feel very at ease with them. you have an amazing bond with them, you’re able to both relax and have fun together, even though you may discuss often. you could have been very jealous of each other when you were kids, maybe.
📊 career
as I've already mentioned above, you're going to pursue a career that will allow you to interact with others. you would probably do amazing at a job that requires you to help people, you could make a great nurse or psychologist for instance. you may also work as a teacher of any kind, not necessarily a professor or school teacher. you may also become a chief or a boss in your job, since the ruler of your midheaven (career), the moon, is in the sign of scorpio, and hence you will probably work alone, you won't have to depend on others. I definitely see you being successful in whatever you choose, you could become very independent and financially stable thanks to your job. possibly, you may also have a business with your future spouse. you could also work with children or for family, as a counselor for example. anything that allows you to interact with and help others would be great for you, as it would make you more empathetic and sensitive to the external world.
👚 fashion sense, style analysis
you’re very traditional about your clothes, maybe even basic. you’re the type to have lots of essential clothes in your wardrobe, e.g a white shirt, white t-shirt, jeans etc. you love wearing sophisticated, elegant fits. for example, you may be fond of wide leg jeans, or maybe flare trousers, boatneck sweaters, tiny jewellery… things like that, that are always a must have. you may fancy pastel colors, or even neutral shades like black, white, grey, beige etc. you’re also the type to follow fashion trends.
👁 past life, life purpose
in your past life, you were a very spiritual individual. you were close to your higher self, and you probably were able to talk to ghosts, you used to interpret your dreams and you most likely were also interested in astrology and other occult matters. in this lifetime, you need to put your spirituality aside for a while, and focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you can still use spirituality to find out, but your priority is learning your karmic lessons regarding your self-esteem and work. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having an organized schedule, which allows you to balance both your hobbies and work.
🤔 major transits analysis / april 22
the sun is currently transiting in your aries 7th house, exactly conjunct your jupiter. you could be feeling very needy lately, but very optimistic as well. you want to be with people, maybe with your loved ones, you feel like you need a lot of care and attention and as a result you're literally craving human interactions. you may get angry or disappointed easily though, as you could be quite impulsive as well, so beware of that. jupiter, on the other hand, is in your 5th house; you may be lacking discipline in these days, perhaps you tend to procrastinate as you feel quite tired and you have to relax. of course it's ok to take some time for yourself, but remember to be responsible as well; hard work pays off.
🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills
the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.
thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you! -libramc
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there’s more than one reason adora and glimmer’s relationship fractures, but shadow weaver is a huge part of it, though she ultimately plays a much more passive role compared to how she actively fucked up adora and catra’s relationship. the tension between adora and glimmer in regards to shadow weaver really comes to a head in 4x07, and i’ve highlighted the particularly yikes-worthy moments here.
basically, glimmer makes some questionable choices regarding shadow weaver that don’t take into consideration adora’s history with her, and adora has a reasonably unhappy reaction to it, and then glimmer responds to adora’s reaction in a way that is frankly terrible and makes the situation more tense.
and we could just say “what the fuck, glimmer? not okay!” and move on, but hey, that’s not what i do! so let’s take a moment (or many moments because brief and concise is also not what i do) to consider how we got to this point from both glimmer and adora’s perspectives.
so glimmer. glimmer is grieving her mother and is overwhelmed by her new responsibility. the war has taken a turn for the worst, the horde is gaining ground, and she feels like she’s failing and not doing enough to protect everyone. usually she could rely on her friends for comfort and support, but she’s feeling isolated from them because their whole dynamic has changed now that she’s queen, and she feels like they (particularly adora) don’t trust her judgement or think she’s capable.
enter shadow weaver. glimmer’s always been insecure about her powers because of having to recharge them, but now shadow weaver’s helped her become more powerful than she’s ever been. she’s also able to learn the kind of magic her father knew from a person that taught him, which makes her feel closer to him. but most importantly, shadow weaver appears to recognize her authority and power and treats her like the queen, advising but still letting glimmer be the one to make the final decision, unlike adora and bow who keep challenging her and are trying to keep her out of the action to protect her. nonetheless, glimmer never actually trusts shadow weaver, just uses her knowledge and advice when it’s to her advantage, and she doesn’t understand why her friends can’t recognize this and just trust her on how she’s handling the situation.
but it’s not as straightforward as that, because shadow weaver isn’t just some random asshole. she’s the asshole that raised and mistreated adora, and glimmer knows it. she may not know detailed specifics about adora’s abuse (or catra’s for that matter) because adora most likely hasn’t discussed it in depth, but glimmer has still seen enough to get it. she saw how adora was in a constant state of panic in mystacor at just the thought of shadow weaver’s presence. she witnessed how shadow weaver strapped adora down and tried to wipe her memories in an incredibly painful way (which glimmer just managed to prevent). that was enough to make her hate shadow weaver. she was very protective of adora when shadow weaver turned up in bright moon, and she only agreed to work with shadow weaver grudgingly in order to rescue adora.
but now her circumstances have changed so much, and she’s got all this responsibility, and shadow weaver is seeming kind of reasonable, and it’s just so easy to be frustrated with adora. because adora keeps questioning her judgement about shadow weaver instead of just trusting her and her ability to take care of herself. because adora is the face of everyone being over-protective of her in a way that is very much like how her mom was, but it feels more stifling than ever because she’s the queen now, yet she’s still being treated like she’s less than capable, and it feels like she has less control of her life than ever. because she’s angry at her mom for being gone, but it doesn’t feel right to blame her, so she directs that anger at adora instead. because adora was there and didn’t stop it despite having all the power of the mighty she-ra at her disposal. because the scared and sad little kid part of glimmer that just desperately wants her mom to hold her is whispering, “it’s not fair, it should’ve been adora instead.“ (which... adora agrees, but that’s a whole other topic of discussion!)
everything that’s going on in glimmer’s life makes it easier for her to disregard adora’s feelings and concerns, even though she knows enough about shadow weaver that she should be able to recognize why it bothers adora so much. and if she was in a better state of mind, she almost definitely would understand and would be more considerate, but she’s not there right now. and yeah, glimmer’s behavior is mostly due to her being so caught up in her own grief and stress and insecurities that there’s no room left to really think about how adora feels. but maybe there’s also a part of her unconsciously trying to punish adora for what happened with angella. and we might also consider: purposeful pettiness. glimmer’s got a real mean streak that creeps out when she’s under pressure, and adora keeps butting heads with her, so at least a little of her lack of consideration for adora’s feelings is probably down to spite. which is... not great, but also makes sense.
speaking of adora, let’s talk about her perspective. big picture, she isn’t totally blameless in the breakdown of her relationship with glimmer. she’s not adept at communication and expressing her feelings, and her own insecurity-driven behavior (over-protectiveness, need to control situations) inadvertently taps into glimmer’s self-doubts and pushes her further away. however, in this particular situation, i think adora’s reaction is not only understandable but very much justified. her friend is doing her dirty.
shadow weaver controlled and manipulated and abused adora all her life and made her watch as catra was abused too. she’s only recently come to understand how she was mistreated and is still in the early stages of working through the damage, and then suddenly the abuser she’s just escaped is living with her in a place she’s come to think of as safe, and there’s no way to completely avoid interaction. adora tried to set boundaries in s3, but in their first encounter in s4, shadow weaver makes it clear she’s still intent on fucking with adora’s head when she attempts to make adora doubt her friendship with glimmer.
shadow weaver just being in bright moon is enough to put adora on edge and make her uncomfortable, but it goes further than that, because then she finds out glimmer is learning magic and taking advice from shadow weaver, which sets off all kind of alarm bells. adora is intimately familiar with shadow weaver’s manipulative brand of mentorship, as well as her brand of dangerous magic. in adora’s mind, the only kind of magic shadow weaver could ever possibly teach is dark magic, because that’s all she’s ever seen shadow weaver use, and it’s how she’s seen shadow weaver threaten and hurt people. and adora knows shadow weaver will end up hurting glimmer somehow, because that’s what shadow weaver does, especially when she’s taken an interest in you, like she did with adora, like she’s doing with glimmer now. but glimmer tells adora she doesn’t have to trust shadow weaver, she just has to trust glimmer.
and adora does trust glimmer, usually, but how can she trust glimmer with shadow weaver? glimmer doesn’t know shadow weaver like adora does. glimmer doesn’t know her skillful manipulations, the heaviness of her cloying false affection or her terrifying ominous threats. doesn’t know how easily she can slip into your head and make you question your reality or crush you under the weight of her expectations. doesn’t know the way she can make you feel like the most important person in the world and cut you down to worthless pieces in the same breath. doesn’t know how she can force you to watch as she hurts the people you love but somehow trick you into carrying all the responsibility and blame and guilt for it.
and it doesn’t help that glimmer keeps giving adora very good reasons not to trust her when it comes to shadow weaver. because glimmer threatens a horde soldier with magic in a really intense way that is reminiscent of shadow weaver. because glimmer just laughs when shadow weaver makes a gaslighting comment about adora being paranoid. because shadow weaver is suddenly wandering around bright moon freely without guards and it’s under glimmer’s order and glimmer never thought to mention it to adora. and whenever adora brings up shadow weaver, glimmer gets annoyed, brushes her off, says they’re wasting time and she needs to let it go. and even though they’re only meant to be acting, glimmer sounds serious when she says adora’s just mad she’s not shadow weaver’s favorite anymore, and that reminds her of when catra said she enjoyed being shadow weaver’s favorite, and why can’t either of them just understand how shadow weaver has always made her feel bad?
but adora is adora, and it can’t be about how she feels, it has to be about what she can do, which is stop shadow weaver from causing more harm. it’s not about how shadow weaver has hurt her, it’s what shadow weaver has “done to us,” the collective. after all, shadow weaver’s already hurt glimmer once by holding her captive and torturing her, so adora keeps framing her concerns in regards to how shadow weaver might hurt glimmer again and how adora is just trying to protect her. and yes, it’s true that adora is absolutely concerned about glimmer getting hurt, because she loves glimmer, and she’s already been forced to watch as one best friend was irreparably damaged by shadow weaver, but this time she has the power to stop it from happening, if glimmer would just listen to her.
but then it’s not just about protecting other people from shadow weaver, it’s also about adora instinctively trying to protect herself. because adora’s gut feeling towards shadow weaver developed before there was glimmer and likely even before there was catra, and that’s the feeling adora is reacting to the most. that feeling being fear. shadow weaver has been making adora afraid for as long as adora’s been alive.
and if adora was capable of communicating that fear, if she was able to be more direct about how shadow weaver has harmed her instead of a general “us” or instead of future possibilities about how glimmer might be hurt, maybe she would’ve had more luck getting through to glimmer and easing the tension between them. maybe then glimmer would’ve been reminded what adora’s experienced at shadow weaver’s hands and would’ve understood adora’s reaction wasn’t about about adora not trusting her or thinking she’s incapable, but about adora feeling scared and unsafe because her abuser is once again living in her space and giving seemingly well-received guidance to someone that’s supposed to be on her side, someone that’s been her best friend and primary support system in her new life. but adora hasn’t learned how to talk about stuff like that yet, because adora hasn’t learned how to be considerate of herself and her feelings and her needs.
anyway, that’s a lot of words, so i’m going to wrap it up with a familiar refrain: GET THESE KIDS INTO THERAPY.
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aesthetic & headcanon — public perception
summary: taejin debuted in 2008 as decipher’s leader and lead vocal. 10+ years in the industry, venturing off into his own solo work as well leads his steady fanbase to grow as well as maintain decipher’s fanbase that was there from the start. (an outlook on the growth inside the headcanon).
warnings: none, this sounded too ‘braggy’ of taejin, and i swear i wasn’t trying to come off like that — my apologies if it came off like that!
wc: 1019
taejin’s coming up on his thirteenth anniversary in the industry, and (i think in famed verse?) it might be the oldest career — could be wrong, please correct me if i’m wrong!
within the thirteen years, there’s a lot that could go wrong in a career. but taejin’s never had a scandal — no speculations either. mainly, that’s his parents doing because any potential scandals that could have risen in the early days of decipher got shut down when his parents paid the big bucks to keep it hush hush
nonetheless, taejin’s grown to have this clean image. it’s like that neighborhood who only does good deeds, and from anyone that draws comparisons? it can be annoying since everything he does seems to touch does well
decipher’s been here for a long time, and one of bc’s oldest groups. not to mention, they haven’t lost any members — all the members from the beginning are present. this leads the thought that perhaps because of the members’ love for each other paired with taejin’s leadership, they’re able to remain a solid force (mainly the former than the latter rationale).
thus, there’s always an aspect of “responsible” when it comes to taejin.
although he hasn’t done that much music — he released one song which he wrote the lyrics of. this song has a good, warm feeling melody as well as the lyrics that add a sense of comfort — it all adds to his bear persona? that realm of responsible warmth you can always rely on, especially if the only song he released as a ‘present’ to fans became a source of comfort for them.
(plus, top tier vocals? melting caramel vocals, and who doesn’t love a man that can sing his heart out??)
predominately, taejin’s solo career lies with acting and brand deals.
with acting — he has somewhat of an array of works. he’s done the weird black comedy (parasite), but lately, he’s been pigeon holed into the genre of romantic comedies (fight my way, crash landing on you, producers). as well as coming of age type style dramas (itaewon class).
each time, his characters have been loved by the public. they’ve all had somewhat of a weird charm about them? like they’re not the perfect stereotype perfect lead, but has a personality trait that makes them feel more “normal” instead of a stereotype of perfection (ie: they’re awkward, dorky, rough around the edges etc.)
this ties back to his actual visuals? in my head, taejin isn’t the visual of decipher. he’s just all and bulky, lmao. he’s not the cg visuals that allow for people to fawn over, taking his pic to the plastic surgeon to say “make me look like this.” instead, it’s a face that’s just handsome because it’s normal? like he could be your next door neighbor, church oppa, older sister’s friend.
because of his visual level / good clean image, brands have reached out wanting to use him to market their products
predominately, he shines in just regular day-to-day products anyone can afford. (dominos, kb kard, yogurt, nescafe crema etc.) this is just because his image suits it in a way that it’s a nice boy recommending it, and a boy that’s good enough to be your boyfriend. aka taejin just has a realistic expectation aspect to this personality.
(another tidbit, taejin has a lot of extensions? and that’s mainly because of loyalty / companies want to continue to work with him for profits. aside from good feel, he just continues to sign on because he genuinely likes working with the brand and staff. gets along fine and even manages to buy them all coffees on set, and padding in the winter. it adds to that aspect of politeness that the staff write on natepann about.)
and because of his maturity? he stands out even more. being born in 1990, he’s not considered a ‘kid’ and it’s harder to imagine him as a super active ‘idol’ just because of his age? instead, there’s a sense of maturity and security because the boy dresses in suits for casual clothes and always seems like a ‘grown up’.
he’d be the type mothers want as their son-in-laws, and the kind of boy girls would want to marry. because he doesn’t have the ‘bad boy’ aura, and he seems like the person that would treat you with the utmost respect
in my head, a lot of people choose him as his ‘ideal type’. mainly because he’s just a sensible pick, and by picking him you’re not subjected to the criticisms of: “you only care about looks” or “really.. him? why?” instead, it’s just universally known that he’s just the pick when u want to lay low
as a result, a bunch of his brand deals pertain to him playing the role of a boyfriend “feeding” his co-star or worrying about their health. it’s either that or the sexy maturity that leaves the public to ‘thirst’ over him
his fan base consists of women in their early 20s to late 30s. it’s a big gap but the older fan base comes from his days in decipher (where they debuted young. the noona fans with heart eyes). and the early 20s comes from the girls who have this romanticized vision of love, see taejin acting as the bad-joke lead, and come to love his character
plus, his viral moment? where he reenacted his kiss scenes (with level of distance ofc) got a lot of praise because not only did he seem attainable? he also suddenly acted upon fantasy, which allowed many fluttering hearts
his personality plays into this too because he doesn’t know how to use social media (makes the public think he’s more like his drama characters than he is in real life), he knows how to style himself (insta boyfriend picking out ur photos?), has a high class image in suits (the kind mothers love bc he just looks smart and clean)
all in all taejin is human teddy bear — the kind that comforts you in the hard times, and seems like he’ll always be there.
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instead of calling me out you should be pulling me in [jake/amy]
the oneshot no one asked for about jake and amy’s first fight as a couple and... pineapple on pizza (read on aO3)
シ
It was silly.
Their first fight… As a couple that is. It really truly was and deep down they both obviously, considering the fact that they were both some of NYPD’s best detectives, knew. There was no telling exactly how things had escalated so fast but the flip had threatened to switch the second Amy showed up at Jake’s place after a long day at work. Whereas he on the other hand had spent his day off in the comfort of his home. They were still figuring things out: each other, their new status as lovers as Jake would teasingly call them. Although barely a month into this, yes new but nonetheless good, relationship was already subjected to a somewhat steady routine which amongst other things included the other dropping by after work if the circumstances didn’t allow them to work the same shifts.
Today had been the case on Amy’s part: her working and Jake not. However yesterday they’d both left the precinct rather late, unquestionably resulting in them picking up something to eat from whatever take-out place was the closest before eating it together on Jake’s couch whilst some random show could act as background noice playing in the background. As a result of being both too tired to actually feel real hunger, and the luring thought of being wrapped up in each other in the comfort of a warm bed, the remaining pizza was put away for the night. It’d make up for it’s lack of achievement as dinner the following day - or so Amy thought.
“Hey,” she’d called out to let her presence be known while taking off her boots and coat, shortly struggling to although managing to neatly place it in the entré amongst Jake’s iconically and always cluttered shoes. Although Amy did consider the recent evolution of their relationship a pledge to what first and foremost had been a devoted friendship, something serious as well as meant to last, there was still a part of her that was hesitant about springing her borderline obsessive urge to arrange everything around her upon him. It was still his home after all. Even if them being a couple didn’t cause any drastic changes (besides the touching, kissing and damn, the sex? Amazing) Amy saw no need in risking it getting that domestic this early on. Yes, they were still and always would be best friends which meant honesty came first, but there was no shame in keeping certain things like the passionate house-wife in her to herself for a bit longer. She’d allow herself to let out the occasional sigh or teasing comment about his disorderly life-style but always in a way that’d earn her an affectionate response in the form of flirty teasing or a kiss to shut her up. From her spot by the front door she heard the sound of his footsteps bounce off the walls as he made his way from what appeared to be the living room to her. The butterflies in her belly were revived by the simple sound reminding Amy of just how good things were. Oh, how she’d wasted time on previous relationship.
“Hey, babe,” he instantly smiled as soon as his eyes landed on her still not believing that he was actually allowed to greet her in whatever sickly cute way he felt like. Today he felt like wrapping his arm around her from behind which happened to be perfectly welcomed by Amy straightening back up from being bend over to rearrange his shoes and into his arms. “How was work?” he mumbled into her rosy cheek. Amy’s body immediately, just like his did with with her’s, identified his body’s characteristics and allowed itself to lean back into his firm chest like it was coming home to a sense of assurance and the ability to let down its guards.
“It was okay,” she mumbled slightly distracted by his lips continuously tasting her skin moving from her cheek to that special spot behind her ear. While he managed to let out a half-hearted mumble genuinely caring about her day, he failed to bridle his need to be reminded of just how good she tasted and how lucky he was to have her. There was no hiding that they were very much still in the early, overly-affectionate stage of their new relationship where nothing seemed to be too much. The urge to have their hands and lips all over each other at all times was still very much present and today was no exception. He hadn’t seen her all day so there was no way he’d let her slip away to change out of her work-clothes without a proper welcome.
“Someone sounds like they care, huh?” Amy briefly opened her eyes which’d slipped shut in pleasure a few seconds ago. Feeling his lips dance further across its surface there was no ignoring the fact that he was kissing his was back to the front of her cheek making out a brief “I do,” before using his hands on her waist to flip her around to look at him. The contact between his lips and her cheek was lost in the process although now she was met by dazed eyes instead, a happy smile and another shot of the feeling of coming home. There was no way she couldn’t reciprocate the happiness showing with every feature of his face.
“Questioning my intentions? You really know how to make a man want to woo you, huh?” He quirked an eyebrow as to counter her sarcasm. As he spoke she could feel his thumbs come to a newfound drowse affectionately stroking her hipbones.
“I don’t need you to want to woo me anymore,” she smirked. “I already have you. That rough part is over, Peralta.”
“Phew,” he puffed excessively staying true to his teasing nature by accompanying said puff with a smug expression. “How lucky am I?”
“Very lucky. I’m a treat,” she slid her hands from where they had been holding on his biceps onto his chest also better known as one of his many body parts that she was a complete sucker for.
“Oh, I wasn’t referring to that part, because you and I both know that I know you are. It was more of a ‘Phew, good thing I don’t have to suffer the pining anymore’.”
Of course their relationship had already endured quite the growth during their first month of being a twosome although that didn’t actually change the essence of their relationship that much.
They were still and always would be Jake and Amy; Peralta and Santiago, meaning comments of this bantering nature would as per self-evident earn Jake a playful punch to the shoulder. Right then and there being no exception.
“Ouch.”
“Well, if you don’t think of me as a treat then I might as well just put my energy elsewhere.”
In that moment Jake had no say in anything whatsoever meaning that before he had the chance to pick up on the fact that she’d slipped out of his arms Amy was wandering off to his kitchen. The sway of her hips; her cascading, finally free of work hair; altogether the way she carried herself and witnessing it live? Jake was without a doubt very aware of just how blessed he felt by her divine presence in his life. Hopefully it wouldn’t be just for some time, he couldn’t help but allow himself to think even though forever was a word with too much power this early on.
Whatever celestial world Jake’s thoughts had travelled to admiring her was abruptly disintegrated upon hearing the sound of Amy’s notably miffed voice penetrate his brief mental absence.
“Jake, did you eat the remaining pizza?”
“No,” he quickly followed her path and joined her in the kitchen. “There’s at least half a pizza left.”
“Okay, let me rephrase,” she turned to him right hand still gripping onto the fridge’s cool handle. Contrary to their teasing banter from few moments ago Amy now looked genuinely annoyed.
“Jake, did you eat what was left of my pizza?”
It really took a whole lot and was borderline impossible, especially when it came to Amy, to piss him off but the marginally combative way of repeating his name managed to trigger an irked feeling within Jake. “What do you mean your pizza? We clearly got two pizzas to share.”
“No,” prompted her closing the fridge allowing her to place both hands on her hips which now suddenly represented confrontation rather than the usual desire. “I clearly remember you asking ‘Can we get a pineapple pizza?’ and I clearly remember replying ‘Sure, I’m not a huge fan but you can go ahead get one.’… Also, if you hadn’t been too busy talking about that same old murder case you’ve been obsessing about for the past week, you would’ve noticed that I didn’t eat any of it.”
Jake frowned, not only because of the confusing task that was remembering last night after having been so tired but also secondly out of inching frustration. How could she suddenly accuse him like this when she, last night on the couch, hadn’t uttered any explicit disapproval towards either the pineapple pizza or his (super awesome, he’d say) case? “You didn’t seem to mind last night though…”
“Because I’m a grown up who’s capable of biting my tongue and compromising,” she lectured obviously just as annoyed if not more. Not that there was ever a good one but right now was definitely not the time to have a discussion: Not only was she tired after a long day at work while he had had the entire day to do nothing, but she was also hungry and had heavily relied on the remaining pizza which was now now longer an option.
“Oh so what you’re saying is…” it was now Jake’s turn to counter the hands on her hips by bitterly crossing his arms in front of his chest. “…that listening to me talk takes,” he briefly uncrossed them to allow him to execute emphasising air quotes, “compromising?”
Not 2 seconds went by before the crossed arms promptly made their return, earning him an exhaled answer.
“Stop twisting my words, would you?”
“There’s been no twisting, Amy. It’s literally what you just said.” Her name venomously oozed off of his tongue.
“Well it’s not what I intended to imply. All I’m saying is that you have a questionable taste in pizza and I would’ve really appreciated if you could’ve been considerate enough to leave me a few slices of the one pizza I actually liked since you obviously like them both.”
Amy’s eyes slipped away from his figure to follow his action, narrowing in on the pizza box which was simultaneously opened and placed on the kitchen counter before her as an emphasised part of his argument. “Pineapple pizza is without a doubt one of the most common pizzas,” he once again unfolded his arms, this time to hastily open the fridge and pull out the cold pizza box with the remaining slices.
“It might be but it’s also one of the most controversial ones.”
“Well maybe it’s your taste in food that’s controversial here then,” Jake’s arms were by then back to looking defensive, crossed, before his chest.
A silence fell over the kitchen while the pizza box remained wide agape and the 5 remaining slices untouched. Just like the pizza box Amy’s mouth was now also agape, mostly in shock by his patronising comment and horribly irritating attitude towards the problem which was enormously stupid but by then more of a question of principle for them both.
“I’m-“ she snapped, almost as for a breath of air or simply something better to do than having a fit over Jake Peralta and pineapple pizza. “I’m too old for this,” she snarled and pushed past him before she could even consider the action properly; the words had escaped her mouth and she was now definitely sticking to the stance she’d so suddenly taken. “I’m going home.” She couldn’t let him see her hesitate.
Whether it was out of stubbornness or the shock of how fast it all had escalated, Jake didn’t budge, keeping his back turned to where she was back by the front door getting ready to leave. Only a few seconds into pulling himself together and her putting on her coat he made a turn to look at her. She wasn’t looking back.
“Are you really going to storm out of here because of pizza?” his question wasn’t degrading per se although it wasn’t exactly a peace offering either.
“Amongst other things… yes,” she finished zipping up her coat allowing her to throw him a bitter glance.
“Amy, come on-“ he took a quick decision and a redeeming step towards her but it was too late. His front door was open and shut before he could stop her from walking out. All that was left of her in the apartment was the sound of the footsteps that would take her down the apartment building’s stair to her car.
Today was definitely not a good day for new love birds detectives Santiago and Peralta.
Back home in her own apartment Amy managed to put aside the taste of her anger which she quickly recognised as petty. Or almost: the petty taste reappeared the moment she picked up her phone and ordered herself an even more petty pizza - without pineapple. There was no telling whether it was out of bitterness or actual hunger but there was no doubt in Amy’s mind, from the second she sat, brewing with anger, in her car on the way home: she was having pizza for dinner. Whether it was stupid leftovers at Jake’s place or a freshly ordered one at home by herself.
She didn’t even have to think ‘deep down inside’ because it was right there at the very surface once she took the first bight of the newly delivered pizza: this fight was absolutely ridiculous and she was probably more mad about their attitudes than the problem itself.
One part of her longed to reach for her phone and call him to apologise although the other just needed to sit and feel nettled by Jake Peralta’s childishness. Even if she was mature enough to acknowledge her own partaking in the little mess they’d created and the very probable fact that she’d probably call him later to apologise for her part, she just needed to be alone for a bit. Jake was incredible and it was scary. It was still so early on in their relationship but he was probably already one of the best things to happen to her. That (obviously) didn’t mean they weren’t still the same people who could evoke the worst in each other at all times. It was a part of their dynamic, both as partners, friends and as a couple, which was fine as long at it didn’t get the best of them them like it had this time.
A million thoughts, mostly heartwarming and reaffirming ones at this point, ran through her mind although it wasn’t allowed to last for long: someone was knocking on her door and Amy had a very accurate idea about who it was - either that or maybe she was just silently hoping. It took her no time to put down the pizza and make her way to the front door.
A chuckle immediately danced off her lips. Before her stood a very sorry-looking Jake holding a wide open pizza box with ‘Sorry :(‘ scribbled in big letters across the inside its lid. Under it the same pizza from earlier presented itself but this time with all the pineapple removed and neatly placed by itself in a corner away from the pizza.
“You’re an idiot, Jake Peralta.” She couldn’t stop smiling.
He returned her happy reaction with one of his own, throwing in a nod to acknowledge her point.
“But so am I,” she added. “I’m sorry for freaking about nothing. I should’n’t’ve complained when I hadn’t even bothered to tell you I wanted to have the leftovers for dinner and had a strong pizza-preference.”
“It’s okay. I should’ve considered what your preference clearly was, especially when I knew you’d come home late and would need something to eat for dinner… And I should’n’t’ve called your taste in food controversial.”
“Oh,” Amy reacted to this reminder of what he’d said earlier once more realising how dumb of a fight it really had been. Another chuckled followed up. “I mean my taste is controversial, but mostly just because I’m allergic to 50% of all foods. That’s on me.”
They shared a laugh both feeling the calm finally settle over them and allow their previous argument and annoyance to be put aside.
“Can we agree on one thing?” Amy calmly grabbed the pizza box from his hands, closing it before carefully letting it to drop to the floor as to free her hands.
“Just one thing?” He challenged teasingly still standing on the opposite side of the threshold.
“At least this one thing,” the smirk on her lips easily, the one that appeared almost automatically whenever she had to counter his quirky remarks, transferred to the sound of her voice. Her hands grabbed onto his still open leather jacket and pulled him into what was now finally once more their safe haven.
“Okay… what is it then?” he let out as she dragged out her pull on his jacket till the tip of his nose was promptly placed, simply being that bit taller than her, in front of the bridge of hers. Both craved to have their bodies touch again, now for the first time since her doomed arrival at his place hours ago.
“You and I…” she trailed off, both her brain and focus short-circuiting the instant she realised just how profound the infatuated expression on his face was. Within the very limited time they’d been together, as an actual couple that is, Amy had sooner than expected come to terms with the fact that Jake made her feel a wider range of emotions than any past love interest had ever been able to incite. Right then and there was a prime example: she wanted nothing else but grab his face to make sure she wouldn’t have to go on for much longer without the taste and feel of his lips. Although she had a point to finish. “… You and I need to control our passion for take-out food.”
Just to keep him wrapped around her little finger with the help of a touch, Amy slid her hand on his chest up to where his hair by the nape of his neck curled just a bit more than the rest. Next she let the tip of her nose brush against his. “That or we simply need to channel our anger into something more… enjoyable.” Her lips broke under the weight of the tension immediately breaking into a toothy grin.
“Agreed,” Jake bluntly kicked the door behind him closed without looking away from where his hands, now suddenly out of control, reached to cup her face in his hands and pull her in for the contact he longed for. The kiss was not anything new. Within their first month together there’d been a lot of kissing (amongst other things). Yet this on, this one kiss with clacking teeth whilst holding onto each other like they’d spent months apart, was enough to advocate the fact that where they were was indeed where they were both meant to be. If Jake was king of the world he would make sure Amy would forever play with his hair whilst smiling into his lips before letting out a small gasp of surprise when he’d spin her around in order to capture her body against the door. Similar to what was happening at that very moment. All in all sJake Peralta was never really a 100% sure about anything although the sound of Amy Santiago’s back hitting the hard wooden surface would be enough to make sure he would always be a sucker for her and everything she did or stood for - even her hatred towards pineapple pizza.
This he was sure of.
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⇢ Introducing LUCREZIA DE LUNA, the 26 year old CIS-FEMALE, APOTHACARY ASSISTANT and a MERCENARY/SPY sworn to DE LUNA. SHE is known for being CHARMING, CUNNING, RESOURCEFUL and GUARDED. LUCREZIA bears an uncanny resemblance to ANYA CHALOTRA.
Basics
Name: Lucrezia (real name Keziah) De Luna
Nickname: Crezia if you must. It does feel more familiar. DON’T CALL HER LU that nickname is banned she hates it
Occupation: Apothecary, mercenary/spy for hire
Age: twenty-six
Place of Birth: Unknown
Gender: Female
Social Class: Commoner
Sexuality: Bisexual
Height: 5'6
Personality/Attributes
Hobbies: hunting, swordsmanship, drinking, experimenting for the apothecary, gambling
Religion: Lucrezia has always felt abandoned by God, and feels no ties whatsoever to religion.
Fears:
Attitude Toward Death: Death is inevitable, but Lucrezia will keep doing whatever it takes to survive. She has become quite good at cheating death.
Education: Lucrezia has never had a formal education. The closest thing she got is everything Orzio taught her about medicine, numbers, and the world, as well as the bits and pieces she picked up from working for a number of households as a child. The rest of her knowledge came purely from experiencing the shit of life.
Biography
Keziah was found in Naples. She was ten, long abandoned by family she had no memory of, living on the streets, doing what she could to survive between bouts of working for families as a servant until they deemed her too weak to perform the tasks allotted. She would steal and manipulate anyone who seemed weak enough to give into it. All she knew of herself was a name, heard through foggy memories of distorted voices. It seemed almost as if it came to her in a dream, it was so distant. So she went by Keziah and somehow survived the streets of Naples.
Orazio De Luna was an apothecary, traveling through Naples and treating people as he went. Their first meetings were hostile, as he saw Keziah as nothing but a thief, below even him. She was trying to steal from him, after all. But their paths kept crossing, and eventually, the nature of their interactions became begrudgingly less aggressive. He offered to buy her a meal or two, and she never had anything to give him in return, but he never cared. He pitied her. Eventually, Keziah’s curiosity about the work of this man got the better of her. He began teaching her, albeit begrudgingly, and it wasn’t long before the two developed an almost familial relationship. A distant one, but familial nonetheless. They discovered she could help with his work, and under the condition that she gave up thievery, lying, and cheating, he would provide care for her. The two began traveling together, Keziah taking up the made-up role of his daughter and beginning to go by the more Italian Lucrezia. They worked well, no matter their disagreements, and Lucrezia found herself settling into the life she had obtained. But despite the comfort and the care, it was difficult for her to truly give up her old ways. She resorted to them in times of particular uncertainty. To her surprise, Orazio never gave up on her, despite her fixed behavior being his condition to their companionship.
When the pair settled in Florence to open a shop, she was eighteen, and in a way she never expected, she was devoted to the man she came to know as a father and the shop they took care of. But even this couldn’t stop Lucrezia from accepting a job for coin when offered. It started with simple tasks: finding out who is doing what, get this message to this person, convince them of a cause. As she was asked for more and more, the tasks became increasingly… risky. Violet. Although it took time, people came to know of what she was willing to do. The city of Florence was corrupt far before she entered the game, and she knew the consequences of her actions. As did Orazio, who wasn’t quiet in his opposition of her dangerous pastime. But like the distant father he was, he did nothing to actually stop her. Lucrezia was seen as useful to many and neutral to the rest. Whether it was out of fear or uncertainty about the truth behind the tales about her, Lucrezia didn’t know. Perhaps it was her charm keeping her in the game. All she knew is that people understood that if they wanted something, she was the one who they could rely on to get it.
further reading!
Lucrezia has always felt like nothing. No more then a speck in this world. Her upbringing has made her cynical, as I’m sure you can tell.
she secretly thinks often about her past. Not knowing where she came from or who she is bothers her in her darkest hours. She more or less settled on the idea that she was abandoned for one reason or another. She can’t imagine she came from anywhere special, either.
Their apothecary is incredibly popular for their reliability and innovation, especially among the nobility.
She’s a complete charmer. Lucrezia uses this for her “job” often to get some truth out of someone. She’s a flirt, a major manipulator. Not afraid to play dirty.
idk plot with me
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Baby, You’re A Rich Man XV
Chapter: 15/28
Rating: U
Summary: Ringo could never understand why that group of three boys made him feel so uncomfortable, or why the way George looked at him sent him into a panic. After a chance encounter Ringo discovers the truth and has no clue what to do with the information.
Tags: AU - Gangsters, Slow Burn, Smut, Eventual Romance, Violence, Angst
Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney
AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here
Several weeks had passed since the wedding and Ringo had been seeing George almost every day when neither of them were working. Although Ringo never really got a better idea of what George's work consisted of over this time, he just had to adjust to George being unavailable for a couple of days without much explanation, in the end Ringo would just be happy to see him again relatively unharmed. George would often drive Ringo to and from work whenever he could and he hardly spent any time in his own house anymore, gradually his belongings shifted over to George's. He saw more of Paul and John too thus they became an odd quartet who would go out to eat dinner together, often concluding the night with a few drinks and dancing until the clubs closed. While the words 'couple', 'relationship' and 'boyfriend' hadn't been properly uttered by either George or Ringo there seemed to be a somewhat unspoken understanding between the two men that they weren't interested in anybody else and essentially did everything couples did without it being official. It didn't bug Ringo much, he thought that George would've been more than happy to declare their exclusivity, but he didn't feel completely ready for it and figured there was ultimately no rush. George had continued to treat Ringo to an array of things: flowers, suits, watches, shoes, chocolates and even a ring. George had approached Ringo a little awkwardly about the whole thing, seemingly unsure about whether he might've been overstepping a boundary.
"Not proposing to me are you, George?" Ringo had joked when George had explained his idea.
"Think we've had our share of weddings for the moment." George had immediately relaxed when Ringo smiled at him "I just didn't know whether it was your thing, you know? Or if you already had enough... Just wanted to treat you, is all."
"You always want to treat me, but I wouldn't say no to a flashy new ring." Ringo beamed, kissing George lightly on the cheek as they sat on his sofa. "I do wish I could pay you back somehow, unfortunately I don't have any tippers as generous as you."
"I could try and get you a new job, if you'd like." George spoke into Ringo's hair, planting soft kisses every so often.
"As in your job? I don't think I'm cut out for all that." Ringo scoffed, playing with George's tie idly.
"No, no, I wouldn't dream of asking that of you." George chuckled "But I heard The Babylon's band is looking for a new drummer. We've got some sway there, I could ask for you."
"You'd do that? I don't even know if they'd want me, it's a pretty swanky club."
"Don't be so modest, Ringo. People are usually so coked up at that place anyway, I doubt it'd be that much pressure. Still though, the pay would be pretty good."
"Well if you could put a good word in, I'd be sure to make it worth your while." Ringo wiggled his eyebrows comically, causing George to push against him playfully.
"I'll see what I can do."
Only a few days passed before Ringo had a call from a rather pompous sounding man asking if he'd swing by The Babylon that same night to try out for the band. He'd arrived on time, just less than an hour before the club opened, to find nobody else there to audition but himself. He'd met the man from the phone, a slimy looking guy who called himself Johnny, and was then asked to play a couple of songs that he believed best showed his ability. It was a little nerve-wracking for Ringo, he hadn't drummed for an audience for years and even back then he'd had the support of his rather shaky band - it consisted of a few of his friends that never really took music that seriously. Nonetheless he seemed to impress Johnny, who stopped him after playing his second song and congratulated him on landing the job. While Ringo wanted to be very proud of himself he couldn't help but feel partly disingenuous, particularly when Johnny had mentioned how George had 'sung his praises', as though he didn't really deserve to be there. Either way, Ringo was just happy to have a change of scenery from his waiting job and the consistent hours and generous pay certainly weren't unappreciated.
George had been ecstatic when Ringo had told him the news and took him out on a celebratory dinner, although every meal seemed celebratory to Ringo, which culminated in George drunkenly carrying Ringo through the jewellery district to pick out a new ring to mark the occasion. After bothering several jewellers, and being asked to leave a few shops, they settled on a gold ring with a black gemstone in the centre which Ringo thought was very beautiful. He thought to himself that this would be the last time George substantially treated him, and with the money he would now be earning he could finally return the favour somehow.
One condition of Ringo's new employment was that he needed a new suit in order to fit the group's aesthetic which turned out to be the lead singer in a crisp, teal suit with the rest of the band dressed in pink. Ringo hadn't been too pleased when he received the call from Johnny, not only because he'd had to rely on George yet again to provide for him but that it didn't particularly fit the image he was going after as a professional drummer. Unsurprisingly George had a suit ordered from the same tailors they'd visited previously, and insisted that Ringo wore it as soon as it arrived.
"You're gonna laugh at me." Ringo called out from behind the bathroom door, looking at himself in the mirror.
"I promise I won't, just come out!" George was already snickering.
Ringo unlocked the door and stepped out into George's hallway, his face beginning to match the colour of his suit as he saw the grin grow on George's face. George had previously commented on how peculiar it was that Ringo had insisted on getting dressed privately considering how much they'd been undressing - among other things - in front of one another as of late, but had respected Ringo's wishes all the same.
"I look ridiculous." Ringo held his arms out and did a little spin, his expression grumpy.
"You look lovely, Ringo. Like a strawberry milkshake." George chuckled, walking closer to Ringo and inspecting the suit "I could just drink you up."
"Gross." Ringo smiled "I'm starting to think you only got me this job so I'd have to dress like this."
"It may have crossed my mind." George smirked "But in all honesty you look great, real sharp. It only looks funny now cause you're not in the club."
"Suppose so... Thanks again for getting it for me, anyway. I will pay you back this time, and I mean it."
"Don't be daft. I don't want a single penny of that first paycheck, you'll have earned it fair and square."
"What about the second one?"
"Maybe I'll let you buy me a drink, maybe."
"Playing hard to get, are you George?" Ringo locked his arms around the taller man, pulling him close.
"You've already got me, Ringo, you know that." George pressed his nose up against Ringo's.
Ringo had turned up for his final shift as a waiter the following day, George once again dropped him off and offered to pick him up at the end of his shift too. In his typical fashion he opened the door for Ringo, offering his hand to help him out of the car and planting a soft kiss on the back of Ringo's hand before driving off again. The first few times Ringo had felt nervous about the whole ordeal, it was only a matter of time after all before someone from work noticed their little routine, but he didn't want to deny himself or George the happiness of being able to say goodbye to one another so lovingly; ultimately the enjoyment he got out of George treating him that way overpowered his embarrassment and fear until it eventually died out altogether. Ringo sauntered through the doors with a smile on his face, greeting some of the regulars before he headed to the back room to get ready for his shift. Over these past few weeks he'd avoided his colleague somewhat, and he'd noticed him growing extremely cold towards him ever since George had starting driving him to and from work, but he didn't think much of it, it wasn't as though he'd have to see the guy ever again once he'd left. He wasn't too happy when he found out he'd be working with him on this last shift, but he figured he may as well be polite just to make the whole ordeal less painful for the both of them.
"Morning." Ringo smiled at his co-worker who had a rather sour expression on his face.
"Alright?" His tone was flat.
"Not too bad, and yourself?"
"Peachy..."
Ringo had figured that'd be the end of it all, if he wasn't interested in talking then Ringo certainly wasn't going to force anything. He'd continued working through the hours comfortably, it was an intense relief to know that he wouldn't have to be cleaning tables for at least a little while. Then, just a little after the clock struck 2 his co-worker had asked Ringo if he wanted to go have a smoke with him before he headed home for the day. Ringo had obliged unenthusiastically, but considering the place was almost entirely empty he had no excuse to stay. They headed out of the back door to lean up against the building and smoke; Ringo thought it was a little cheeky that his colleague didn't even have any cigarettes thus had to get one from Ringo.
"So..." His colleague began after taking a drag "What's been going on with you, Ringo?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, a couple weeks back rumour started going round that you were getting chauffeured to work. I knew it was nonsense, there's no way you could afford that on this shitty wage. Then the whole thing turned into you being driven to work by some bloke, 'course there's nothing wrong with that, but then I found out who it was." He didn't look at Ringo as he spoke "Again, not really my business who you hang out with, even if they're the fishy sort. Then I saw you a week ago with him, getting taken out of the car like some princess and I saw what he did, Ringo. I saw it."
"Saw what exactly? Look, I'm not really in the mood for all this bullshit so if you've got something to say just spit it out." Ringo glared at him, taking a drag of his own cigarette as he leaned against the wall.
"He kissed you Ringo. I couldn't fucking believe it. I thought you were a good guy, not some queer." He spat the word out like it was venom.
"I don't really see how that's any of your fucking business, if I'm honest."
"Act hard all you want, mate, but I can call the cops on you, you know? It's illegal."
"And? You wanna call the cops on me so I can tell them about all the grass you sell? I'd love to see you try it, I really would." Ringo chuckled, he was surprised at how unbothered he was by the whole thing.
His colleague scoffed "I'm just sorry for you, Ringo. That those dirty fags have corrupted you like this. I did warn you."
"Who says I've been corrupted? You don't know for me shit, so you can drop the whole concerned act. Just admit that you're prejudiced and fuck off."
"Whatever. Just consider yourself lucky that you're not working here anymore, cause one word to the boss and you'd have the sack."
"Give it a rest, you're not that threatening. Sounds to me like you're pissed off that I'm finally out of here while you're stuck waiting tables with no birds interested in you." Ringo smiled, flicking his finished cigarette to the ground "Now is that all? Cause I've got a number of things I'd rather be doing than talking to you right now."
"Fine, if you're gonna be like that. I'm just looking out for you. Don't come crying to me when the cops come after you or that pretty little boyfriend of yours."
Ringo stopped as he opened the door "Pretty? Sounds like I'm not the only queer around here, mate." He flashed a smile before walking back into the building, letting the door shut behind him and lock his soon to be ex-colleague out in the cold.
George had promised to watch Ringo play his first night at The Babylon, which made Ringo immediately feel less nervous about the whole thing. They'd gone to the club a couple of times but neither of them liked it all that much; it was a pretty odd place with bright lights and an excessive amount of mirrors. The name made it sound far classier than it was, with the majority of the people there either taking or selling drugs with the rest of them having made their money off of narcotics. A whole range of people were there every night, from just regular folk who had come into a bit of money or towering figures from George's world. It didn't have a particularly negative atmosphere, quite the opposite, but it still wasn't somewhere Ringo particularly enjoyed being, but at least up on the stage hidden behind his drum kit he felt relatively comfortable. George had brought Paul and John along and they were sitting on a table just off the dance floor so that they could get a good view of Ringo and the band. The rest of the guys in the band were friendly enough, and had made sure to make Ringo feel welcome backstage when he arrived, all of them very non-threatening and seemingly talented enough.
They'd played for an hour or two relatively smoothly, Ringo had to fight through his initial nerves of playing for so many people even if they didn't seem particularly interested in what they were playing. Whenever he could, Ringo would glimpse over to George who would almost always be looking straight back at him with a comforting smile. The three of them drank while Ringo played, eventually Paul and John headed to dance after a few songs but George remained. Soon enough Ringo felt the exhilaration of performing that he'd missed so much and the band announced they'd be taking a short break he was a little upset. He only had around 10 minutes to relax while some woman got up on stage to sing a couple shaky ballads, but Ringo rushed immediately over to George's table where a seat and a drink were being saved for him.
"You're doing great, Ringo!" George beamed at him after pulling away from his initial embrace "I thought you were good, but wow."
"Thanks." Ringo began drinking the beer George had got for him "You can get up and dance you know, if you want."
"I'm alright sitting here, these lot can be a bit hands on, if you know what I mean." George chuckled, he was already a few drinks down "Plus John's a little coked up right now, I don't really have the energy for it."
"Oh." Ringo swallowed "Do you not..."
"Every now and again I might, but I don't love it. Plus I figured it'd be a little rude, I'm here to watch you after all." George ran his hand over Ringo's, his finger playing with the new ring he'd bought.
"Why is there so much of it here?"
"The owner uses the club to launder his money, and it doubles as a shop front." George paused "Or so I've heard."
"Is he one of your people?"
"No, no. We don't get involved in all the drugs and that, but he's a close-ish friend of our head guy."
"How far up are you in the whole... thing?"
"Nowhere too exciting, its kinda hard to figure it all out really. Paul, John and I are all kind of equals as the younger ones, although Paul's always been everyone's favourite. But it's double-edged because we don't get taken fully seriously, but we also need to learn how to handle the business."
"So one day you're gonna be one of the head guys?"
"Maybe, depends which way the wind's blowing." George chuckled "I'd be happy either way really, the last thing I want is a huge target on my back though, especially now I've got you."
Ringo scooted up closer to George and planted a kiss on his cheek "Well you've got me to look out for you, now. Don't forget that."
George hummed happily as he pulled Ringo closer for another kiss.
"I should really be heading back now, last thing I need is to get fired on my first day." Ringo sighed, it was so difficult leaving George.
"Don't let me keep you, drummer boy." George winked, holding Ringo's hand as he stood up before finally letting him go.
Ringo made his way through the bustling crowd of intoxicated people, pushing through the door to the backstage area so he could fix his hair before he got back on stage. The lead guitarist was there too smoking a cigarette, his name was Shane and had been the friendliest to Ringo out of the whole band.
"You know George Harrison?" Shane asked, he was sat up on the counters below the mirrors.
"You must know I do or else you wouldn't be asking." Ringo smiled, not tearing his eyes off of his reflection.
"Just be careful, alright? Heard he was stirring up trouble with those friends of his a month or two ago." He didn't sound threatening, but he wasn't overly comforting either.
"How do you mean trouble?"
"Well, word on the street is they got in a scuffle with that Chapman lot and killed a bunch of their men. Those Chapmans are wild, take it from me, and it's going round that they want revenge."
"Revenge? All sounds a bit dramatic to me."
"They're not like the other families, these guys. They ain't got no connections, and no respect." He paused to take a long drag of his cigarette "Do you carry a knife?"
"No! Who do you take me for?" Ringo scoffed.
"Well you might wanna consider it, that's all I'll say. You're a nice guy Ringo, and an even better drummer, I don't wanna lose you to all that nonsense." Shane smiled but it didn't do much to sway Ringo's nerves.
In a couple minutes the whole band was on stage again, playing for an audience that was only becoming more inebriated as the songs went on. Ringo couldn't shake his nervous feeling, even when looking over at George who looked nothing but relaxed. Ringo's eyes scouted across the crowds when he had the chance, his drumming was essentially second nature, and he noticed a few more serious looking people dotted around the club; they weren't security, they weren't official looking, but had a very imposing aura about them. Ringo disliked this club the more he spent any time in it, but he just figured he'd have to adjust to these sorts of crowds if he was gonna work there.
About an hour passed and Ringo was full into the swing of it all, really allowing himself to enjoy playing with the band even if he did look like a walking raspberry. The singer was very energetic and it was contagious, Ringo felt himself becoming looser and louder as time went by and he was sad to think that it wouldn't be long before their shift would be over. He couldn't thank George enough for getting him an opportunity like this, to finally focus all his time on drumming and to actually get a decent pay for it too. His mind was swimming in happiness, he couldn't wipe the huge grin off his face while he drummed.
At least that was the case before a haunting sound echoed throughout the club. Several gunshots were fired, dispersing the crowd and setting everyone running off screaming. Ringo ducked off the stage quickly, trying his best to see through the chaos and to find George somewhere but he wasn't sat at the table and Ringo's heart was racing. He started to wish Shane had given him that advice about carrying a knife before tonight.
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Glen Coco’s Top 10 films of 2019
2019 was one of the better movie years I’ve experienced. It was no 2007 or 2013--we all know that--but it was pretty damn good. People who say ‘they just make crap nowadays’ probably aren’t really into movies and are definitely out to lunch. Dammit, now I want lunch. Anyway, here are my picks for the ten best films of 2019 which, as always, follow my runners-up and the traditional bonus track...There’s always a bonus track.
Runners-Up
-Bombshell
-Booksmart Full Review: https://thefilmsnob.tumblr.com/post/185427895290/booksmart-out-of-5
-Ford v Ferrari
-The Irishman
-Joker Full Review: https://thefilmsnob.tumblr.com/post/188571262775/joker-out-of-5
-Parasite
-The Peanut Butter Falcon
-The Two Popes
And here are my top 10!
#10b. (Bonus Track) Avengers: Endgame
Director: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, the rest of Hollywood
Maybe, like some people in the industry, you don’t consider Marvel films to be ‘cinema’. Well, that’s a legitimate and long debate for another time. But, you can’t say that weaving a narrative through 22 related films isn’t an impressive feat. That’s what Marvel Studios did and with the help of the Russo Brothers, and despite the countless moving pieces, they ended this chapter of the franchise almost perfectly with just the right balance of action, human drama, twists, turns and some surprisingly poignant moments. If you didn’t get goosebumps--and maybe even pee your pants a bit--when those portals opened up at the end, bringing to mind Gandolf’s triumphant entrance into the Battle of Helm’s Deep, then maybe movies just aren’t for you, my friend.
Full Review: https://thefilmsnob.tumblr.com/post/184694412545/avengers-endgame-out-of-5
#10. Marriage Story
Director: Noah Baumbach
Starring: Adam Driver, Scarlett Johansson
Ironically, Marriage Story is actually about a divorce. But, writer/director Noah Baumbach imbues this civil-turned-nasty separation with all the complexity and aggravation that come with being married with child. He treats the divorce like the grueling process you’d expect it to be, one which involves real, flawed people whose needs and desires don’t align, making the situation increasingly distressing for all parties involved. In turn, Driver and Johansson make this distress increasingly palpable for the audience until it feels like we’re in the room with them during one of their several heated arguments. Both actors give some of the best work of their careers, yet it still may be overshadowed by Laura Dern and Ray Liotta who shine as the two ruthless lawyers representing them. Baumbach has been churning out these gems for years, but his latest, which may be his most accessible, may also be his best so far.
#9. Jojo Rabbit
Director: Taika Waititi
Starring: Roman Griffin Davis, Thomasin McKenzie, Scarlett Johansson
What do you get when you mix Nazi Germany, the ghost of Hitler and a poor Jewish girl trying to survive the second World War? You get one of the funniest and most touching movies of the year, of course. The surging writer/actor/director Taika Waititi, who specializes in quirky films filled with quirkier characters, hasn’t made the typically grim melodrama about Nazi Germany nor is he doing anything close to promoting Nazi culture. Instead, he uses the tale of a young boy who attends a Hitler Youth training camp to highlight the absurdity of this horrible movement while promoting tolerance. He delivers this powerful message by introducing a young Jewish girl who seeks refuge in the home of Jojo and his mother, played by Scarlett Johansson (who clearly had a good year). This leads to Jojo’s crisis of conscience which is complicated by his imaginary friend...who happens to be Adolf Hitler! Yes, the movie is different.
#8. Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Margot Robbie
It’s no surprise that Quentin Tarantino would make a film about 1960s Hollywood starring one of the most prestigious celebrity trios in the business; the guy’s passion--obsession even--for film is unmatched. Here, he uses the medium to take a horrific moment in history like the murder of Sharon Tate at the hands of the Manson Family and gives it the stereotypical Hollywood happy ending. In doing so, he showcases the wish fulfillment of the movies and their power to comfort us with optimism while simultaneously warning of their ability to shelter us from our cruel reality. DiCaprio and Pitt give brilliant performances as characters who add to the perception-vs-reality theme, DiCaprio playing the huge movie star full of anxiety and doubt in real life who relies heavily on his stunt double, Pitt, who’s the actual confident hero. All this and much more takes place in a meticulously recreated Hollywood of the ‘60s that sweeps you up in nostalgia and immerses you in a world of make-believe.
#7. Knives Out
Director: Rian Johnson
Starring: Ana de Armas, Daniel Craig, Chris Evans, Jamie Lee Curtis, Christopher Plummer
Yes, there have been many murder mysteries. No, Knives Out isn’t just like the rest of them. Writer/director Rian Johnson does a masterful job at crafting a labyrinthine story that’s just complex enough without overwhelming and strikes a perfect balance of suspense and comedy. Featuring one of the greatest casts assembled in 2019 playing a dysfunctional family of despicable yet intriguing individuals of means, the story is full of truly surprising twists and turns and, more crucially, some well-integrated and astute social commentary. This isn’t a two-hour lecture, though; the film is undeniably entertaining. The stand-out here is detective Benoit Blanc, played by Daniel Craig with a delightful southern drawl and an attention to detail that rivals Sherlock Holmes. Craig transcends his James Bond persona while the film itself transcends a genre.
#6. 1917
Director: Sam Mendes
Starring: George MacKay, Dean-Charles Chapman
If this were a few years ago 1917 would be, without question, my #1 pick. However, as the long, uncut tracking shot has become more common over the years, it’s also lost a bit of its luster; 2014′s Birdman, one of the best films of the decade, also had the appearance of a single take. Nonetheless, to make a war film, with all its tricky choreography and pyrotechnics, look like one long take is still a phenomenal achievement and an absolute marvel to behold. And, although it obviously couldn’t be filmed in one shot, Sam Mendes and master cinematographer Roger Deakins still had to shoot long takes and stitch them together digitally while stealthily hiding the seams. It all helps tell the story of two young soldiers tasked with traversing treacherous territory to warn a Battalion of British soldiers about an impending German ambush. We follow the pair in real time amidst a story of remarkable bravery, enhanced by the fact that we’re with them every step of the way, at once experiencing everything they do up close while being reminded of how removed we really are from the danger they face.
#5. Uncut Gems
Director: Benny Safdie, Josh Safdie
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin Garnett (hey, why not?), Julia Fox
There are several talented actors in Hollywood who’ve gained a bad reputation for poor career choices. Ben Affleck and Will Smith come to mind. Perhaps the king of this group is Adam Sandler. He’s excelled sporadically in movies like Punch-Drunk Love and The Meyerowitz Stories, but he gives a truly Oscar-worthy performance in this--ahem--gem. As Howard Ratner, he’s a gambling addict who runs a jewelry store in New York’s Diamond district when he gets his hands on a rare Ethiopian black opal which he hopes will help pay off his many debts. In fact, he owes so much to so many people that he struggles to keep track of it all and we cringe every time he does. The tension builds to an almost unbearable level as a host of dangerous men seek payment. If that’s not enough, he’s on the verge of a divorce as he continues seeing a mistress who’s also his employee while owing $100 000 to his own criminal brother-in-law. If you were stressed just reading that, try watching the movie...or being Howard himself. The Safdie brothers don’t let up either, filming it like a documentary to add to its realism and immediacy...as if it needed that extra boost.
#4. The Lighthouse
Director: Robert Eggers
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Willem Dafoe
The first thing you notice watching The Lighthouse is that half the screen is missing; Robert Eggers, who also wrote and directed The Witch, shot the film with a 1.19: 1 aspect ratio, making the picture square, like an old-timey photograph. It feels limiting at first until you fully appreciate the feelings of confinement and anxiety it evokes. That’s important in a film about two lighthouse keepers, or wickies, who are forced to live together in insanely grungy and cramped quarters of a lighthouse on a remote island off the coast of New England. Considering the harsh conditions and the fact it’s a horror film, they soon clash and seemingly lose their grip on reality which manifests in macabre images and supernatural occurrences. Or does it? Ha! This is one of the most unique and beautifully filmed movies of the year with the grainy black and white 35mm making it seem like it was made closer to the late 19th century, when the film takes place. Like many recent horror films, this one relies more on mood and imagery than jump scares and is buttressed by only two actors who give award-worthy performances. Alright? So, go to hell; Pattinson can act.
#3. Little Women
Director: Greta Gerwig
Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh, Emma Watson, Timothee Chalamet, Eliza Scanlen, Laura Dern
You might assume that Little Women is a stuffy period piece and even unnecessary considering it’s the seventh adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s iconic 1868 novel, but the prodigious actor-turned-writer-turned-director Greta Gerwig is too adept in her craft to settle for conventional story-telling. She gives this classic story a fresh, modern take with a non-linear approach and a feminist angle that enhances without overwhelming. Like her work on Lady Bird, she keeps scenes brisk and to the point with decisive cuts. She also adds her unique wit and snappy dialogue. Every conversation, no matter how superficial, leaves you enraptured. So, too, do the characters; it’s a pleasure following these complex girls through the ups and downs of their lives as women of little means and even fewer rights. They’re portrayed by a stellar cast, particularly Jo March who’s played by Saoirse Ronan, perhaps our greatest sub-30 actress. This may be a little movie about little women, but the payoffs and sheer enjoyment are truly grand.
Full Review: https://thefilmsnob.tumblr.com/post/190231754125/little-women-12-out-of-5
#2. Us
Director: Jordan Peele
Starring: Lupita Nyong’o, Winston Duke
I know it’s blasphemous, but I might be the only person on Earth who not only thought Get Out was a tad overrated, but that Jordan Peele’s second feature, Us, is the superior picture. It’s easy to look at this film as merely a unique take on the slasher genre, but it’s so much more than that. Like any good horror, it’s creepy as hell, but it’s also brimming with foreshadowing, symbolism and metaphor. There are three or four ideas that Peele sets up at the beginning that seem disconnected to the story, yet they each have a specific purpose and when that becomes evident, it’s incredibly satisfying. Even more impressive is how Peele turns a movie about a vacationing family encountering their doppelgangers into a brilliant commentary on the current state of America, specifically in regards to class division and its relation to the Nature vs Nurture debate. And the movie’s neat twist at the end isn’t just added for shock value; it’s actually the final puzzle piece and essential in conveying the film’s message. I struggled with ranking Us at #1 or #2, but its over-reliance on slasher film action around the mid-point (a minor flaw) was the deciding factor. It’s near-perfect, nonetheless.
Full Film Interpretation: https://thefilmsnob.tumblr.com/post/184073868405/interpreting-jordan-peeles-film-us
#1. Midsommar
Director: Ari Aster
Starring: Florence Pugh, Jack Reynor, William Jackson Harper, Will Poulter
If there’s one thing for which the 2010s should be known, it’s great horror films, a refreshing development after decades of mediocrity. But, just like movies in general from the ‘New Hollywood’ ‘70s, horror films are more creative and ambitious than they’ve been in ages thanks to a handful of visionary filmmakers. Three out of the top five entries are horror movies and that’s saying something.
Midsommar is a mesmerizing horror film that hearkens back to the 1970s when the genre relied more heavily on atmosphere and pacing and sheer creepiness than on jump scares and gimmicks. It takes one hell of a talented writer/director to make a movie shot almost entirely in daylight feel so utterly sinister, but Ari Aster, who also made the acclaimed Hereditary, does just that with ease. What’s more, the film contains no monsters, nothing supernatural and an astonishingly minimal amount of violence, yet when we do see bits of blood and gore, it’s a complete shock to the system. What Aster does rely on is his mastery of lighting and framing to produce images that are unexpectedly eerie.
This is a movie that starts with a group of anthropology students looking to take part in a once-in-a-lifetime festival at a commune in the Swedish countryside and ends in an unspeakable nightmare. It’s a long and sometimes grueling experience that steadily snowballs into horror, but that slow burn is crucial for this delightfully nerve-wracking series of events. Oh, and it’s also a breakup story...possibly the scariest breakup story of all time. It’s certainly the best film of 2019.
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Whumptober Day 7
Whumptober Day 7: Prompt “Isolation”
I hadn’t actually planned on writing about this part of Luke’s life. I knew, in a vague sort of way, what had happened to this character prior to the beginning of my story, but it wasn’t ever anything I felt needed to be written down. In writing this -- from the point of view of the child experiencing it -- I got to have a better idea of what Luke went through, how he processed it, and how he internalized it.
The whump in this ficlet is purely emotional/psychological, but it packs a wallop nonetheless.
This one comes with some pretty heavy content warnings in the form of child abuse, child neglect, and sexual grooming of a child -- very non-explicit (and definitely not understood by the POV character), but very obvious if you know what to look for. There are a lot of very strong implications that there is something rotten in the state of Denmark. Absolutely nothing explicit happens in this ficlet but it could be triggering for some readers, so please proceed with caution.
CW: child abuse, child neglect, sexual grooming, inappropriate behaviour of an adult toward a minor (non-graphic)
Character: Luke
He hated it when his parents went away. It was even worse when they took his siblings with them. Danny was away at boarding school, of course, but Mama and Papa could have left Ally and Millie behind to keep him company. He could be a good big brother to them the way Danny was with him. Besides, they weren’t babies, Luke knew how to take care of an 8-year-old and a 4-year-old. He was almost eleven, for goodness sake! Practically a teenager.
Mama and Papa had business in Toronto, though, and while Mama didn’t like being parted from her girls Papa thought it would be good experience for Luke to be alone and in charge of the house. Mr. Sleswick was there, if Luke needed anything; Luke just had to go out to the guest house to find him.
Mr. Sleswick was part of the problem, not that Luke was going to say anything. Everybody liked Mr. Sleswick. He was smart and funny and Papa said he was one of the best Knights in the history of the Order. He gave Ally and Millie airplane rides that made them squeal with laughter and he always had treats in his pockets to give to Danny and Luke, and when he’d first arrived he’d been the first real adult to think Luke was worth paying any attention to. Most adults only ever bothered with Danny, because he was the oldest and he was going to grow up to be the best Knight of Oberon ever, and people were already commenting on how pretty Ally was and how much she took after Mama. And Millie was four, so everything she did was adorable and entertaining. Luke was just … Luke. He was small for his age and kind of clumsy and his father was forever getting angry with him because he couldn’t manage to get his footwork right. “What are you going to do the first time a fomoir charges you, you clumsy idiot? Trip over your own feet? Stab yourself with your own sword? Honestly, Lukas, pay attention!” Luke knew he wasn’t worth the adults’ time, and that made Mr. Sleswick’s interest in him such a warm, welcoming thing, even after Danny had started saying he didn’t like the older man.
At first Luke had been certain that Danny was just jealous. Mr. Sleswick thought Luke was more interesting than him, and that never happened. Then Danny went away to boarding school and Papa and Mama started having to go to Toronto for business, and while most of the time they left their three youngest children behind, more and more often lately it had just been Luke, so that Mr. Sleswick could help him work on his forms. Officially Mr. Sleswick was too important to waste his time teaching the awkward youngest son of the local Order’s secretary, but Mr. Sleswick liked working with Luke. At least, that’s what he always told Papa, when Papa expressed his frustration and amazement at Mr. Sleswick’s patience with Luke.
Now Papa and Mama were gone, and Ally and Millie with them, and Luke was alone in the big old house and there was a storm outside. And he wasn’t scared, exactly. Not of storms, anyway. But the house was creepy, especially at night, and the knowledge that Mr. Sleswick was just in the guest house nearby if he needed him was … not comforting, in the least.
Mama had left him a list of things he needed to do for the two days he was on his own. Luke took care to check off each task as he accomplished it – Work on his handwriting: Check! Do 5 laps around the grounds: Check! Make his bed: Check! – and he was hopeful that when his parents came back he would get a treat for being so diligent. (Hopeful, but he didn’t expect anything. The last time his parents were gone they didn’t check in with him for three days after they got back, and by then they didn’t care whether his chores were done or not. Luke wasn’t even sure they had missed him in their absence.) He had made himself dinner – a sleeve of crackers and an apple, because Mama locked the fridge and cupboards while they were away in case the servants might steal any of their good food. He was still hungry, but he drank a lot of water and that sort of made up for it. Except that it also made him have to pee a lot, and that meant he had to leave his hiding place, which he didn’t like doing. Leaving his hiding place risked Mr. Sleswick finding it, and then he’d have to find a new place to hide, and the servants thought it was just a silly game so they would tell on him to Mr. Sleswick instead of keeping his hiding places secret.
Luke wasn’t allowed to ask the servants for anything. They worked for his parents, not for him. He could make his own bed and his own meals and anyway his parents were only gone for two days, so it’s not like he would be expected to figure out how to use the laundry machines or how to clean the house or anything. Making his bed and scrabbling together whatever food he could scavenge (that wasn’t locked away – he’d meant to hide some things before his parents left, like a can of Alphagetti as a treat and maybe some cookies), that was easy. That was baby stuff. He could do it, no problem. He didn’t need Mr. Sleswick’s help for any of it.
He didn’t think he needed Mr. Sleswick’s help for his fighting forms, either. Honestly, Luke didn’t even think Mr. Sleswick was teaching him right. Not like how Papa showed him, or his teachers at school. But Mr. Sleswick was a lot older than him and a lot better at fighting than him – everybody said so – so maybe there was a trick to his methods that Luke just didn’t understand. And while Luke wasn’t entirely comfortable with how hands-on Mr. Sleswick was, at least when Luke messed up his forms – like always – Mr. Sleswick didn’t yell at him or hit him. Luke just couldn’t quite figure out why it made him feel more uncomfortable to have Mr. Sleswick pet him or hug him when he did well than it did when Papa slapped him or hit him with the belt for screwing up.
The storm outside was picking up, and Luke wasn’t scared, but he didn’t like it. The old house creaked and groaned on the best of days, but on the bad weather days the wind made the shutters rattle and the house was extra drafty. He’d spent most of the day tucked up in the linen closet on the second floor, up on the top shelf where Mama kept the good towels. He had a flashlight and a copy of Grimm’s fairy tales (which, in hindsight, was maybe a little too scary for a stormy night, even if he normally loved all the gory bits, like Cinderella’s wicked stepsisters cutting off pieces of their feet so they could fit into the glass slipper or birds pecking their eyes out). He’d eaten his apple slowly, following up each bite with a sip of water, but now he had to pee and that would mean abandoning his hiding spot and hoping neither Mr. Sleswick nor the servants figured out where it was before he could come back to it.
Cautiously Luke climbed down from the closet shelves. His papa was always telling him how clumsy he was, but he had always been really good at climbing. Shelves, jungle gyms, trees, you name it, he could climb it. He poked his head out of the closet and saw that the hallway was dark. His parents only left the night-lights on for his sisters; Luke was a big boy and shouldn’t need them. Closing the door carefully – it had a squeaky hinge that would squeal if you didn’t close it right – he turned and crept down the hallway towards one of the upstairs bathrooms. Technically speaking he was only allowed to use the bathroom attached to his bedroom or the one downstairs, off the kitchen, but the upstairs bathroom was closer to his hiding place, and the less time he spent away from his sanctum the less likely it was anyone would find it.
Luke didn’t bother to turn the light on in the bathroom, he just closed the door quietly behind him and used the flashes of lightning from outside to direct himself to the toilet. Unconsciously he counted the beats between the thunder and the lightning – One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus – and judged the storm to be getting closer. He wondered if it would knock the power out. On the one hand, that would be bad, because it would shut the security off in the house, and then Papa would be mad when he got home. (Luke didn’t know how to reset the security – Papa didn’t think he was old enough or smart enough to learn – but Papa didn’t like it when the security systems shut down and had to be reset because it took a lot of time, time he could spend doing better things.) On the other hand, if the power went out then the house would be even darker, and Luke would have an easier time hiding. Plus there was always something thrilling about a storm so powerful it could knock out the island’s hydro, because Papa always said they had the best system in the county. “Not like the mainlanders, who have to rely on the city utilities to get everything done!” Papa and Mama were both always very proud about how they had the best of everything: the best house, the best cars, the best positions within the Order, the best children. That was why Mr. Sleswick was staying with them, because they had the nicest guest house and the most efficient staff. The fact that he was so gracious as to offer to help teach their sons – well, just the one son, now that Danny was away at school – how to fight like a real warrior was just icing on the cake, as far as Luke’s parents were concerned, because now Luke had the best trainer, too, and all for the inconvenience of having the man stay in their guest house. And that was hardly an inconvenience at all, since Mr. Sleswick mostly took care of himself, and whatever he couldn’t manage, the servants dealt with.
Luke was just finishing up when the bathroom door suddenly burst open with such force that it slammed into the opposite wall, startling Luke so badly he jumped and peed a little on the floor. He yelped, torn between trying to cover himself up, clean up the mess he’d just made, or finish peeing in the bowl as Mr. Sleswick barged into the bathroom. In the end he didn’t have a whole lot of choice: it was either pee in the bowl or continue peeing on his foot, and it was bad enough that he’d already made a mess on the floor like a baby.
“Mr. Sleswick!” he protested, cheeks flaming as the older man turned on the bathroom light, flooding the little room with soft illumination – and highlighting the mess. “You scared me!” Luke tried covering his bare bum with one hand, the other hand still directing his flow into the bowl. He hadn’t yet mastered the art of peeing without dropping his pants onto the floor; Ally made fun of him (as if she was any better – she kept having to change her underwear because of accidents, and she was eight! That was so old!), but it was hard to coordinate the whole affair.
Mr. Sleswick laughed, and it was that laugh that Luke hated, the one that most people thought sounded warm and friendly but was actually kind of mean underneath. “Don’t be silly, Lukas, you don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.” Then he chuckled and made a show of trying to peek around Luke, as if to peer down at him. “Unless you’ve got some extra bits I don’t know about? Is that it, Lukas? Are you hiding something?”
“N-no, sir!” Luke stammered out, and managed to quickly finished up and tuck himself back into his pants. He realized, with a sort of fragile dismay, that he hadn’t given himself a little shake and he’d probably have a wet spot on the front of his pants later, but he decided a wet spot was preferable to Mr. Sleswick making bad jokes at the sight of his bum.
Mr. Sleswick’s hand came down heavily on Luke’s shoulder, and it took everything in him not to flinch. That would hurt Mr. Sleswick’s feelings, and he would want to know why Luke didn’t like him, or if Luke was afraid of him. And Luke wasn’t. Mr. Sleswick was always really nice to him and paid him so much more attention than Papa or Mama or any of his instructors. He should be grateful to have the attention of an important man like him, not jumping and hiding himself away just because he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with Mr. Sleswick’s interest.
“I’m just teasing you, Lukas,” Mr. Sleswick said, his voice filled with good humour. He squeezed Luke’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be so serious all the time, Gloomy Gus. Now c’mon, I was going to show you how to block that strike I used on you yesterday, remember?”
“Yes, sir,” Luke said obediently. He started to head for the door, then turned and used some toilet paper to mop up the spill on the floor. He peeled off his sock, the one he’d accidentally peed on, and shoved it and its mate down the laundry chute, hoping the servants wouldn’t notice that his socks smelled like pee. Then Luke quickly washed his hands. He did want to learn how to block Mr. Sleswick’s strike; it had been some weird overhand hit that had left Luke sprawled on his bum on the ground, which he hadn’t enjoyed at all. If he could learn how to block it, then maybe he could apply that learning to other similar hits, and then maybe he wouldn’t always get knocked down. And then maybe Papa wouldn’t be so angry about what a bad fighter he was. Maybe he’d even learn something new that he could show Papa and Mama, to make them proud of him!
“Good boy, Lukas,” Mr. Sleswick said, giving Luke’s shoulder another, longer squeeze. Something about that made Luke’s tummy twist, but he didn’t know whether it was the touch or the way Mr. Sleswick seemed to linger over his name. The apple he’d savoured while hidden away inside the closet suddenly felt leaden and heavy inside his stomach, and Luke thought he tasted bile in the back of his throat but he tried to dismiss the sensation.
There was another brilliant flash of lightning followed by a huge crash that made Luke jump. The bathroom light flickered and there was a slight buzzing sound, as if the lights were about to go out. Mr. Sleswick gave Luke a comforting pat on the back as he ushered him out into the hallway, in the direction of the training room.
“Maybe if the power goes out we can build a fort in the living room,” Mr. Sleswick suggested, and Luke smiled at that, thinking of all the times he and his older brother Danny had done that very thing. Mr. Sleswick continued, “We could make popcorn in the fireplace and tell scary ghost stories and huddle together in the fort. Wouldn’t that be fun, Lukas?”
“Yes sir,” Luke said again, even as his stomach gave another painful twist. He let Mr. Sleswick lead him away, but a part of him was thinking that maybe it would have been better if he’d just stayed hidden up inside the linen closet. He’d thought, back when Mr. Sleswick started paying attention to him, that it would be nice to have an adult make a fuss over him the way they all did for his siblings, but now he wasn’t so sure. Maybe it was better to be alone and ignored.
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Hiring Professional Painters
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Six Swords:
The San Angelo Shake
1.
Six days. Six long, hot, miserable days with little food, practically no ventilation, and a rather unkind host that made it feel like twice that time had passed. But Titus knew his role, and so he stuck it out. There had better not be a seventh, he grumbled to himself as he moved from his hay bale bed to rise for breakfast, the day's only meal.
After much deliberation amongst his fellow nuisances, it had been decided that he, the tallest, strongest, and - to face the truth of it - darkest of the bunch would be best for this position. But here, in this hot and damp hellhole of an undersized cell where he had sat for nearly a week awaiting the arrival of officer John Montgomery, he was beginning to wonder if they were right.
They were a stone's throw from the new fort at Concho, an outpost thrown up in the naive hope that native attacks down into the area would be deterred. Despite it not having the desired effect, it did lead to the first voluntary all-black units of the struggling Confederacy, which had all but shirked its more propogandic ideals in the face of retaliation attacks for the death of General Grant. But that didn't last long, Titus thought as he finished his small portion of biscuit and sausage. With a burp and, he hoped at least, an infuriating grin of nonchalance, he swept the shallow tin pot across the rudimentary bars of his home away from home and called for the bailiff.
"Come on now, you sleepy slackoff, I want seconds!" The young man assigned to watch over him, a thin and hairless fellow a full foot shorter than his towering charge, ambled over in a fit and snatched the small dish away from Titus. "Jerry, you'll never grow this place into a real business if you keep treating valued patrons this way," the prisoner continued to taunt the gangly man. "And where's colonel Montgomery already? I've been waiting a full week on his lazy ass, and yet here I sit. Slackers, all of you."
As if waiting for his cue, the blue-clad and sun-bleached officer opened the creaky wooden door to the jailhouse, nearly pulling it off its misaligned hinges in the process. "Well I'll be," the hardened old man said with a voice that sounded like gravel under a bootheel. "They told me there was a boy waiting to be escorted back to my fort, but I don't believe I recognize you." He scratched his head for a bit, looked at the young bailiff, then back to Titus. Eager to move forward, Titus offered the best bluff he could come up with on the spot. "Like you'd recognize me anyways, just one of a hundred in a barrack you'd never scuff those shiny boots on."
It seemed to work. The old man's gaze hardened and the cane he propped himself up with snaked off the ground almost too quick to spot. Titus felt its steel tip smash hard into his ribcage, and he went down involuntarily in a coughing fit. "You son-of-a-", he started, but another look at the raised cane stopped him short. He stood back up, straightened off the poorly fitted uniform that identified him as belonging to Fort Concho, and looked through the bars to the hills beyond where his small band of mounted men should have been. Come on, Pierce.
"Mr. Montgomery." The younger man was holding out a piece of paper and a fountain pen. "If we can just get your mark here to show you have indeed picked this man up." The old officer turned his attention to the bailiff momentarily, and Titus took the time to look the old man up and down. He wasn't particularly stout by the looks of it, but this was going to be harder than he had expected nonetheless. He was well-armed, booted, and covered in more layers of clothing than anyone in this climate should be.
"Come now, young Marlow," he was hollering without turning to face Titus. "Let's get you back to the tents and a hot meal." Desertion was fairly normal in these times, an irregular phenomenon turned into a staple of military service as the funding dwindled and the opposition and its allies grew. They expected the behavior; it had become so common there was no real punishment for the act in place anymore. The local authorities would just round you up and hand you off to be ferried back to wherever you'd been conscripted to.
So, when the old man pulled chains from within the large bag at his side, a cold chill went down Titus's spine. This wasn't supposed to be in the cards at all, and he did not do well with chains. Taking a deep breath to steady his voice, Titus inquired, "Come on, now, what's all this? Ain't we just headed up the road a ways?" The old man smiled at him again, and this time the prisoner saw something a little too malicious in his stare. "Ahh," Titus sighed, holding his arms through the bars to be restrained, "There's the man I've been looking for."
This time it was the colonel who stopped short, and Titus stuffed down his distaste as best he could and smiled warily. With the chains around his forearms and the two lawmens' hands on their guns, the bars swung wide and he stepped beyond the confines of his small cell for the first time in days. "Gentlemen," Titus swooned in mock hysteria as he addressed the several other shackled young soldiers awaiting transport, "Do you feel that?" His eyes centered on the colonel and left him feeling even more uneasy. "Freedom."
2.
Once they'd saddled up a spare gelding from the Colonel's tiny convoy, Titus was led over and hopped up of his own accord. His chains rattled around as he tried to settle in, causing the whole assortment of horses to stamp about nervously. In the midday heat of the Summer sun the streets were empty as far as the eye could see. It hadn't rained for almost two months now, and the dust kicked up by the stamping hooves hung in the air, heavy and unrelenting. Where were Pierce and Iain?
Despite his growing concern, and despite the growing heat, Titus relinquished himself to finding what little pleasure there was to be had in his current predicament. The smell of the horse beneath him; the scent of the wood and dirt and alcohol that flooded his nostrils from the nearby bar. It genuinely was a relief to be out of that hotbox, granted it would be considerably more relieving if he weren't wrapped in iron links.
He decided those links would be his escort's undoing before this was all said and done.
After an obligatory goodbye, the grizzled colonel Montgomery hoisted himself into his saddle, tucked his cane into its own sheath at his side, and gently kissed the mares into motion. And... everyone started down the road uninterrupted. Titus looked from window to window and scanned the building tops in search of his companions. This wasn't supposed to be the course of today's events, but then even the most clever plans rarely lasted the duration of their enactment. Hopefully his rescue attempt would be underway soon.
By the time they had passed between the last set of buildings and were turning toward the fort, the unrest had grown into a full-scale panic. Titus shot his eyes from left to right, trying to keep his mood hidden from the others around him. Perhaps the two young outlaws had found some new distraction to impede their focus on the task at hand. Maybe they were just hungover and sleeping it off, or still drunk and God-knows-where gambling away the last of their meager earnings. All were just a tad too possible for comfort, and he was already a far cry from anything resembling comfortable.
When they had been on the trail for what must have been more than ten minutes, Titus decided he'd had enough. If his partners couldn't be relied upon to show, he would have to take matters into his own hands. He looked down at them now, creased heavily from a life of hard labor and wrapped in metal rings. Then he looked up to John Montgomery and around and back at the handful of fellows in his position. All in chains. All miserable. Not one with an ounce of fight in their eyes. So be it, he told himself, and took a few quick breaths to force a little life back into his starved and fried brain.
In one deceptively quick stroke, he kicked free of his stirrups, crouched deftly on his saddle, and sprung straight for the colonel. In a fray of neighing and jumping and scattering equine, they both crashed to the ground. Titus could feel his shoulder hanging out of place as he painfully worked his way back up, and seeing his adversary do the same took the extra effort to kick his feet back out from under him. The old man cursed as he fell again and scrambled around in the dirt, but Titus was standing now and headed straight for his throat.
Their eyes wide, the handful of shackled men worked in silence to settle their horses, perhaps unsure whether to join in or run for the hills. Titus didn't stop. He pounced on the now furious officer and held him down as he patted him over for keys. Finally successful, he slammed a fist down on top of the straining man's noggin and left him in a stupor long enough to turn defiantly to his newest rescuees and toss them the oversized keyring. Turning back to Montgomery, he grabbed his own chains and pulled them taught like the world's nastiest garrote.
Montgomery was on his feet finally, grabbing blindly for support in lieu of his cane, and so Titus made a point to find it for him. Picking it from where it had been initially flung, he dusted it off and tossed it gingerly to the stunned colonel. Then he walked over to the edge of the path where the other captives were freeing themselves and found a sizable branch to wield. Walking slowly back to his would-be captor, he gave a warm smile and hoisted the large hunk of wood over his head. "It's good to see you've regained your senses."
The old man hacked up a bit more dust, knocked himself in the head a couple times, and twisted the handle of his cane. From within he pulled a blade as long as the cane itself and narrowed it at Titus. "I suppose that's not entirely unwarranted," the big prisoner said and started forward suddenly. He had always been too quick for his size, or so he was frequently told - it all felt rather natural to him. Nonetheless it was obvious he caught the colonel by surprise; the size of his eyes as the thick branch was broken in two between them said as much. Without even the opportunity to realign his thin blade for the oncoming attack, John Montgomery fell to the ground in a pile of bark and chips.
Still clawing to regain his footing, the damaged man couldn't find his voice to beg for mercy. Which was just as well, Titus figured as he circled around behind him and stood him back up - he wasn't planning on showing any. He wrapped his metal restraints around the defeated officer and reared back with all his might. It took a few minutes, and it wasn't a pretty act to behold nor even hear, but every one of the freshly unchained men stood rubbing their wrists and looking on in wonder as if all the kicking and slobbering was the most beautiful sight of their young lives. It was done.
3.
From a patch of old mesquite behind them a familiar voice cut through the final gasps of the late Mr. Montgomery. "Aw, are you beatin' up that poor old man Titus? I thought you had more self respect than that." He wanted to be mad. He wanted to curse the two jackasses for sitting by while he helped himself to the solution. But, at the sound of Pierce's rude remark, Titus couldn't help but grin. He took the cane from the ground in front of him and shot it like a spear at Iain as he stepped from the brush. "I swear, even when you're on task you're useless!" the big man countered.
They closed distance on eachother and shook hands heartily. Pierce went to work unlocking the shackles still in place around Titus's wrists, and Iain lost himself admiring the scabbard that had just rapped his skull. His hands finally free, he held them out eagerly and added, "I can't believe you let me think I was going solo." Pierce gave a quiet chuckle and hoisted the oversized blade Titus had grown fond of into his waiting hands. "We had you covered the whole time. You know how it goes though, had to let you sweat a bit."
"I've been sweating for seven days straight," He shot back. "It was only six," Iain cut in, walking between them and pushing the blade of his newly-acquired sword into its sheath, "and this is mine." Titus threw another haphazard fist Pierce's way for good measure, but the nimble cowboy just dipped beneath it with a grin and was already stepping past him with hat-in-hand waving. "Finish up and come get you some hot food already."
With a final nod to usher off the few soldiers who'd lingered since the colonel's death, Titus stopped grinning and turned back to the corpse. "Let them know who did it, eh boys," he growled in his deep voice, and thrust the tip of his longsword straight through the chest of their latest target. With a sigh that released more tension than he'd realized he was carrying, he walked back over to the horse he'd been supplied and began checking over its girt, bridle, and blanket. It would be a relief to be back home.
Philema still didn't approve of all of what they did, he knew. But his sister knew as well the importance of their call to action, of providing a sense and symbol of unity for the masses of impoverished and war-torn in what was the bloodiest time anyone had ever known. She would be waiting for him at the inn, taking care of everything as always while he shirked his chores to roam abroad. "She's a gem, your sister," Pierce broke through his thoughts as if reading his mind. "She knows you do only what you must, old friend. You're not a wretch like me." His companion gave a knowing wink and rode up towards the crest of the nearest hill.
Iain was already mounted as well, and so Titus swung up into his saddle and cinched his great beast of a blade firmly behind his back. But by the time he had lumbered around to match Iain's gait, shots rang out. Turning to find the source of the sounds, they could see smoke rising from Pierce's rifle as he aimed and cracked another round off over the hill. Shoving it into his saddle, the veteran horseman kicked his mare hard and came racing towards them.
"Move! Move! Move!" he was shouting as he barreled through them, and so they tore off behind him hooping and hollering to the cracking brush and popping rocks of armed pursuit.
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