#it's not an amazing job but it's better than ive done before

[froggibus]

Omgg your work is so amazing QWQ can I have a Reaper x reader fic where she just blatantly flirts with him all the time and goes out of her way to touch him seductively (his thighs, mask) to rile him up? Maybe nsfw?

Put You In Your Place - Reaper

Pairing: Reaper x f! reader

Genre: smut/NSFW

Word count: 1.2k

Summary: tired of your constant teasing, Reaper decides to put you in your place

CW: rough sex, dom! reaper, face fucking, deepthroat, breath play, no prep, unprotected sex, degradation

possible dubcon!!! don't read if you're potentially triggered by the subject

wow ive gotten a lot of reaper requests lately lol. anyway i am going to tag this as dubcon just in case??? i don't really think it counts but better safe than sorry! enjoy <3

————

Your little crush on Reaper didn’t go unnoticed—and neither did the way you were always flirting with him.

It had started innocently enough. You’d compliment him when he did good, comfort him when he did bad. Sometimes he’d need more than just verbal comfort, though, so you’d give him the occasional pat on the shoulder.

But that soon evolved into something else. You would rub his shoulders, or place a hand on his abs. It was all in good fun, even when you got bolder with it. A touch on the thigh, a kiss on the cheek of his mask. Reyes didn’t seem to mind, and you loved flirting with him.

Reyes reaches a hand to help you up off of the ground, training finally over. You gladly take his help and let him tug you back to your feet. The muscles in his shoulder ripple as he does.

“Good job today, Reaper,” you smirk at the man, “loved that part where you were on top of me.”

The tips of his ears turn red at your words, and you smirk, unable to help yourself. You move your hand up his arm and to the centre of his chest, applying just the right amount of pressure.

He shivers under your touch, swallowing hard, “what’re you doing, l/n?”

“What do you mean?” You blink at him innocently, trailing your hand lower, “am I doing something?”

“Y/n,” he breathes, catching your wrist tightly in his hand, “stop.”

“Or what?”

He just shakes his head at you and drops your hand from his. Reaper turns his scarred back to you and stalks out of the training room, mumbling something about putting you in your place.

You can’t help but feel a little disappointed at that. Your crush on him only seemed to grow with each passing day, and there were only so many things you could do to catch his attention. Not that it mattered, considering he rebuffs every attempt you make.

You head back to your room with your hand hanging low, hoping a hot shower can wash away your sweat and dismay. You grab your towel and hit the showers, turning the tap all the way to the hot side. The water engulfs you, washing over your stiff muscles and sticky skin.

When you’re done in the shower, you head back into your room in only your towel. You like to sit around and dry before putting your clothes back on, anyways. Sitting naked in your bed, though, your mind only drifts to Reaper and his perfectly sculpted muscles.

You can perfectly picture how those muscles would look above you, flexing with every thrust of his fingers into your—

There’s a knock on the door, ruining your fantasy.

“Go away! I’m naked!” You shout.

You expect the sound of retreating footsteps, but you’re instead greeted with the door swinging open hard enough to dent the wall. Reyes stands in the doorframe, his figure so big he almost fills it out. He’s still in his training clothes—a white tank top and a pair of gray sweats. Your eyes can’t help but drift to the slight bulge in his pants.

You crawl back to the corner of your bed. “Dude, I’m naked!”

“Good,” he closes the door behind him and locks it. “That makes it easier on me.”

You raise an eyebrow, about to ask ‘easier to do what?’ when he’s suddenly pinning you to your bed. Your wrists are held in each one of his hands, pinned to the bed next to your head. 

“W-what are you doing?” 

He smirks. “I’m putting you in your place, like I should have done a long time ago.”

Before you know it, he’s pressing his lips to yours in a harsh kiss. It’s angry, aggressive, desperate. His tongue seeks out yours, forcing its way into your mouth. He tastes like smoke, his scent overtakes your senses.

“You want this, hm?” He pulls back and lets go of your wrists.

You nod eagerly beneath him, watching as he unties the drawstring of his pants and reveals his black boxers. The harsh contours of his cock against the fabric make you gulp.

He wastes no time in discarding his underwear, letting his cock spring free. It’s red and angry, not to mention rock hard. He moves forwards, knees on either side of your shoulders.

He presses the tip to your lips, and knowing what he wants you to do, you open your mouth and allow him entrance. He thrusts in immediately, not letting you ease into it. His cock is thick and fills your throat completely. Salty precum fills your mouth.

“You’re such a fucking tease,” he moans. “Always touching me and acting like a slut. You wanted this to happen, didn’t you?”

You can’t say anything with the way his cock is filling your mouth and restricting your oxygen, instead relying on nodding your head. He leaves his cock in your throat for a minute, waiting until tears dot your lashes before he pulls out.

You’re left gasping, your pussy wet and aching for his touch. He slaps your cheek with his shaft, rubbing the mix of your spit and his precum on your face. 

“Open up,” he commands, and you oblige.

He shoves his cock back into your mouth, the sheer size of his length making your jaw ache. Still, you hollow your cheeks and bob your head to meet each thrust he’s giving you. Once again, he holds his cock in your throat for a few seconds before pulling out and letting you breathe.

You expect him to put it back in, but instead, he goes straight for your pussy. He’s ripping off your towel before you register what’s happening, and lowering his mouth to your dripping core.

He licks your clit and laughs. “Fucking whore, already so wet for me. I guess you don’t need much time to prepare, hm?”

You cry out when he starts to rub the tip of his cock against your sensitive pussy lips, covering his whole length in your juices. He teases your entrance by pushing just his head in, before pulling out and slamming in his full length.

He’s thrusting into you furiously, splitting you in half on his cock. You whine and throw your head back. Reaper presses a hand over your mouth to keep you quiet while he destroys your pussy.

You dig your nails into his arms, desperate to have something to keep you grounded while he continues his onslaught. You’re getting close, though, and can’t help but reach a hand down to rub your clit. Reaper’s thrusts get sloppier, nearing his edge.

Just as he shoves as much of his cock into you as he can, your orgasm washes over you. You moan, squeezing his cock inside you. Reyes cums at almost the exact same time, pulling out and letting it splash onto your stomach.

Both of you are panting, Reyes hovering above you with wide eyes.

“I—wow,” is all you can say.

Reaper grins, glad he found a way to shut you up for once.

masterlist

#reaper x you #reaper x reader #gabriel reyes x you #gabriel reyes x reader #gabriel reyes #smut #overwatch fic #overwatch #overwatch x you #overwatch x reader #overwatch smut #reaper smut

[chenfordsbby]

"The Ride Along"

Season 1 Episode 7: “The Ride Along”

“Sergeant Grey informs Nolan and officer Bishop that they are going to have a movie director as a ride-along.  Bradford learns that his wife has been arrested for drug possession”

Original Air Date: December 4th, 2018

Written By: Robert Bella

Directed By: Cherie Nowlan

Before we start another episode, I just want to express all of the continued love and support and likes and re-blogs and thought and opinions on everything that I have shared so far!  I know there has been a multitude of re-watch blogs this hiatus so for everyone who has stuck with me and will continue to stick with me, the appreciation is endless so thank you!!  With that being said, shall we begin!

This is the best cold open we have seen so far, with the cutest premise of why it was done, “Make-a- Cop Wish Foundation”! One of the many reasons why this show is flat out amazing.

Ben is back, and putting Nolan in his place, get out there and stop being a sad little puppy.  I mean, Nolan is acting like a whiny child.  If this is how he is acting after the breakup with Lucy, who he was only dating for a few months, I can only imagine how he acted after his divorce from his wife of 20 years. 

Im glad there is another episode with Lucys hair still in her braid buns, I wish they lasted longer.

Grey asks what one of the worst days on the job can be with the vets giving all different answers, but according to Grey, it is The VIP Ride Along.  The officers have to limit the calls they take as to not put the VIP in any danger, have to make sure the VIP is getting treated as such, but also while still doing there job as well. “He doesn’t get anywhere near danger” Sounds like its going to be a slow day for Bishop and Nolan.  Every call that comes in over the radio gets bypassed by Nolan and Bishop until they get a less than thrilling one, no action to put the VIP in danger.   They respond to the call which seems to be innocent, but Bishop and Nolan enter a house unsecured which reveals a dead body.  VIP continues to want to toss money around to make this house call pass by, which shows his arrogance, this is something exciting for him, but for John and Talia, this is the proper protocol for what they have to do when put in this situation, this is still their job, and they need to do it the right way, no matter if VIP is there or not. 

Bishop and Nolan respond to another call, a family disturbance.  Nolan and Bishop both see that the distressed man has mental issues and they quickly de-escalate the situation without any force.  They inform the family that he will be placed in a 24 hour mental facility hold which is better suited for their brother than putting him in a jail holding cell.

Taking Ben’s advice, John accepts the invitation to go to VIP’s house party that night and maybe it was a good thing he was there too- he saved a girl from being roofied!  I still appreciate that Nolan is still the comedic factor of every episode in some way. The next day, while out on patrol John and Talia answer a personal call on Johns phone and it is VIP under attack from the family of the disturbance call from the previous day. Turns out maybe VIP isn’t such a bad guy after all- he called up the family from the previous days arrest and offered to pay for a spot in a mental facility and they took it completely the wrong way and attacked him.  Ive said it before and I’ll say it again, as much as Nolan is the comedy relief, he also has a way with his words and he knows how to use them well- he could talk himself and others out of any situation.  At the end of the episode, John video calls his son, and it’s the first time we see him being a dad!  Obviously we are going to see him again soon as John mentions he will buy tickets to fly his son out to LA!  This show continues to have a good balance between the professional and personal aspects of all of their characters!

This is the first we hear of Angela being interested in the open detective position.    Angela wants to move up, and thanks to Jackson, she has some inside intel.  When Angela and Jackson respond to the 9-1-1 call, they see a kid electrocuting himself, solely to get an adrenaline rush.  Jackson is quick to make an arrest, but Angela stops him after doing a quick canvas of the scene.  She spots all stolen hospital property,  and is already thinking 5 steps ahead: you have to go through all of the minnows to get to the big shark. 

Angela’s detectives skills are very visible and apparent this episode, she knows how good she can be as a detective and she wants to make it known.  Not only is she putting her potential detective skills in use, but she is also teaching Jackson how to long for a bigger picture in making certain arrests happen, also like thinking of a food chain, how to use the bottom feeders to get to the top.  At the end of the episode though, it turns out that Angela got way ahead of herself and the big guy on top turns out to be a dead end as Captain Anderson informs them.  The prospect of Angela potentially getting the tap and becoming detective got the best of her that day and she got a little over her head?  It’s upsetting for Angela, but Jackson is there for her every step of the way and continues to support her.  It is nice to see Angela and Jacksons budding friendship in this episode, it seems to be evolving into a really special bond. 

Now onto the #Chenford of it all (our favorite part of every episode)!

Tim and Lucy are still at the station, with Tim un-patiently waiting for Lucy to grab their shops gear when Grey summons Tim into his office.  Once in the office, Grey informs Tim of a recent drug bust, and the arrested suspect is Isabel.  You can see Tim’s heart drop into his stomach at that news.  I wish we could be inside Tim’s head here, because he is clearly reeling from this information.  Tim hasn’t seen or heard from Isabel in a year, and then after one random day while on the job, she’s back in his life and not the way that Tim was hoping for.  Every time he’s seen her since, its been at the police station, and it is evident she is till on drugs, which continues to cause major stress on their already strained marriage.  How much more can it take?  How much more can Tim take?

It’s like Tim is in the twilight zone for a bit this episode.  He doesn’t know what to think, act or feel, and is kind of just there.  For a man who claims to never show no emotion, you can see every one written across his face and in his eyes when he watches from afar, the detectives bring Isabel into the station.  I wish I could jump though my screen and give Tim a hug.  I feel like that’s what he needs right now, a hug from someone who will never let him go. (Ahem Lucy!!!)

The detectives let Grey and Tim in on what is going on with Isabel and what will happen with her now that she was arrested.  Isabel is deep with heroin, and with other heroin dealers. The detectives do make a good point, “Is he a cop or the suspects husband”; Tim is really caught between a rock and a hard place in this episode.  Does he put his feelings aside and practice what he preaches to Lucy and be the cop, or does he put his professionalism on the back burner and be Isabels husband in her time of need and help her out, even though she probably doesn’t deserve it.  What is Tim to do, or feel? 

Tim and Lucy bring in a suspect for public urination, but I think it is a ruse for Tim to get himself bak to the station to see Isabel, I mean, even Lucy knows this arrest is nonsense but she has Tim’s back, so she just does as he says.  Lucy spots Tim looking at Isabel and lets him know that shell keep an eye out for the detectives so he can have a conversation with Isabel.

We know what Tim and Isabels relationship is like now, but it makes me wonder what their relationship was like for the past 10 years.  How long was it good until it got bad?  How were they at work together? How were they like at home?  This episode makes me want to know so much more about Tim.  Isabel knows she’s in big trouble for heroin possession, which is why she asks Tim to do the unthinkable and get rid of the stashed heroin at her ‘sometimes boyfriends’ house so the cops don’t find it when they raid the apartment. I can only imagine how that made Tim feel- having your current wife talk about her boyfriend, like a knife to an already bleeding wound.  In my opinion, I think Isabel begging Tim to help her is out of pure selfishness.  She knows what will happen to her if she goes to prison, and she will do any means necessary to stay out of it, and that includes begging Tim to help her with this. In no way does she ever think about what she’s asking Tim to do will affect him, but why would she though.  It’s an interesting choice when the camera pans to Lucy right after Isabel asks him to hide her stash, I wonder why?

Later that night, a stealthy looking Tim breaks himself into Isabels apartment, he opens the heating unit and finds the heroin exactly where Isabel said it would be, and in that moment we don’t see what his decision is as he’s back on the streets.  Is this rock bottom for Tim and Isabel’s relationship?  When they exchanged vows 10 years ago, I don’t think Isabel asking Tim to confiscate kilos of heroin from her sometimes boyfriends apartment was a thought.  How does not only a strained relationship, but also strained marriage recover from a situation like this?  I mean, can it ever recover and go back to what it used to be?

Tim almost gets in his car until Lucy steps out of hers.  My first though when Lucy gets out of her car is how did she know that Tim was going to be there, but it brings us back to when Lucy was listening into the conversation between Tim and Isabel in the holding cell, Lucy has always been listening, this entire time. 

Lucy is there for Tim.  Just like we don’t know what Tim decided to do, neither does Lucy, but that doesn’t matter.  Tim and Lucy have only known each other for 2 months, but in those 2 months, Lucy has learned who Tim is.  I mean he doesn’t make it easy for her to forget.  Lucy knows that if he does help her, it will completely change him as not only a cop, but a person and maybe even as a husband.  That is why Lucy is there, to remind Tim of that, and after she does, is silence is loud. There is no response from him, he just walks away and I really do believe it’s because he knows that she’s right.  Lucy knows that if Tim did this for Isabel, it would just put her back on the streets, and right back into a cycle, learning nothing from it.  Lucy just knows. There was no reason why Lucy needed to show up that night to talk to Tim, she just knew that she had to, no matter how much shit she would get for it from him the next day. This was one of those moments that furthered their friendship, even though neither of them realized it at the time.  

The next morning, Tim pretends as if nothing happened from the previous night. His  decision is revealed that he actually didn’t help Isabel and he left the heroin in the apartment as told to us by Grey.  Lucy tells Tim that he did the right thing, so why does Tim look like he didn’t.  Not that Isabel deserves anything from Tim, but he apologies to her that he didn’t or couldn’t help her and she is quick to dismiss it; which just shows how much she isn’t willing to change.  At no point in this entire episode was Isabel thinking of anybody but herself whereas Tim was thinking of everybody but himself.  And by everybody, I mean Isabel.  She claims that because of what Tim didn’t do, that they will never know if she could’ve actually changed and gotten her life together, but I think that deep down, Tim knows that she would’ve just ended right back in the streets, repeating the same cycle.  And that’s why he made the choices that he made.  Isabel’s lashing out at Tim is misplaced and uncalled for and Tim just takes it, what else can he do, he just signed over a prison sentence to his wife. 

At the end of this episode, Tim is sitting in silence in his car when Angela and Talia show up and enter his space.  They already know what Tim is going to say, but that doesn’t mater for them, whether he likes it or not, the girls are there for him, jus like they have been and always will be.  That is what friends do.  Angela and Talia were friends with not only Tim, but Isabel as well, and watched the marriage start to fall apart and they are going to be there to pick up all of Tim’s broken pieces and help put them back together again; well mainly Angela, and a lot of Lucy, because Lucy is and will always be exactly who Tim needs, he just doesn’t know it yet!

______________________________________________________________

Honorable Mention: Lucy’s baby, her car!

Episode Peak: Jackson & Angela

Episode Pit: Distraught Tim

Quote of the Episode: “No, I came here to remind you that you’ll regret helping her.  Because it’s not gonna change her, but it’ll sure as hell change you” ~ Lucy Chen

Episode Rating: 8/10.  I enjoyed this episode.  Not only did it give us one of the best Season1 Chenford scenes, but it also shows the blooming friendship between Jackson and Angela! 

__________________________________________________________

Another episode down! Thank you, thank you, thank you again for reading and chiming in! I truly appreciate it! 7 episode down, only 91 more to go!!!!

Until next time on, "Get in the Shop"...

#The Rookie #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Chenford #John Nolan #Angela Lopez #Jackson West #Talia Bishop #The Rookie 1x07 #The Ride Along #Tim x Lucy #Lucy x Tim #Eric Winter #Melissa O'Neil #Get in the shop: the rookie re-cap blog #I love doing this so much #thank you for sticking around #please share your thoughts and opinions on this #1x07

[elvenbeard]

Lil life update! Hhhhhhhhh...

I'm getting a kitchen tomorrow :DDD something a little makeshift still, but a lot less makeshift than my current "hotplate on a table with no sink or shelves" situation. I'll have a sink! I'll (hopefully) be able to hook it up myself and put everything together!

Also finally hung some shelves in my living room for my games and collectibles and important things. My bedroom and the bathroom are still somewhat chaotic and unfinished, but the bath is small and my bedroom is just for sleeping/storage, so it's bearable.

I'm still not further into Phantom Liberty than my last update and hhhhhh I'm dying 😭😭😭 I miss the bois so much, I miss VP. I miss being on tumblr and interacting with everyone's amazing things, but after encountering several spoilers time and time again I'm keeping my visits here to a minimum atm and it sucks xD

But! My new job is still a lot of fun. I'm getting better at some of the programs and tools I didn't use much before. Did a screendesign for a responsive website today - which Ive never done before, but my immediate supervisor really liked it :D And I made a little storyboard for a photoshoot. So that is still going well and I'm liking the team and tasks a lot!

And: I have most of next week off to hopefully finish up all pressing renovations like painting the bathroom, hanging some cabinets and doing some general finalizing in a few corners. AND hopefully I'll finally finish PL xDD

Also: the centrepiece of my kitchen will be this:

Simping for Arasaka forever xD

#personal stuff

[florasletter]

i am gonna rant, tomorrow is the oscars, i need to say something ive been wanting to say for a while

any fucking filmmaker that makes drama/comedy (taika, gunn, greta, etc) movies would make barbie, its easy marketing, hoards of money, its a low risk investiment since its a popular, PG 13 movie, colorfull, appealing for everyone, has all the IP to make money, WB is thirsty for good press and is swimming on money, they will give its full support, its a story everyone knows for 60 years of a ficctional character or a doll the whole world knows. i like barbie it was a good movie. greta did a wonderful job for what was giver her. period.

now tell me

a book about a historical controversial figure, boring ass talks abt nuclear war, ww2, communism and cold war, phsysics stuff, relased in 2006 and won a pulitzer prize.

no director dared to make a movie abt it. very high risk, why?

the pandemic and its inflation and new habits of consumption post super hero (very saturated) cinema era in an era quick shitty streaming movies bc they dont need theatrical release, little effort, just pump movies out, no control wheater is good or not no one (as many would think) would want a 3 hour movie, with heavy dialogue (bc it needs it to tell the story properly) with many black and white scenes, Rated R, nudity and s3xual representation scenes about this historical controversial figure. tiktok and reels era, most people are obssessed with a 30 seconds videos in their hands, keeping a very bad habit of zero attention span and quick serotonin, unable to enjoy the development of a full story that is longer than 30 without a pop music playing on the background can't go around marketing the movie like its super fun and colorfull for the entire family ahah cool, lets make it a competition like ahaha BARBIEMHEIMER ahah so fun lol why dont they get into it too? it would help their marketing bc lol who wanna watcha 3 hour R rated movie abt a physicist lmao get real!!! No buddy, you wanna scrutinize what happened the people of japan? this guy was scrutinized by its own country after everything he was asked to do? no, you cant market it like that, its harder, but thankfully the ppl making the movie ARE THE MARKETING. also the ppl saying "who cares abt nuclear war lmao, it wont happen" guess who just did a speech abt it the other day abt using them?? i am not gonna say his name yall know who it is. now invest 100mi on a movie like this. didnt see all the others directors around rushing to make a movie abt oppenheimer like chris did, he thought it was very interesting and passionate abt it, he had a vision for it, to contextualize yall: he has been wanting to make something biographical for years (will we ever see his howard hugues movie? thanks martin for doing it first??? will chris ever recover from this? poor bby). and ffs this movie didnt even use that much computer VFX, so much amazing pratical effects it didnt even an oscar nom for it, any other director could have done with the computer technology from 10 years ago. buddy literally asked for black and white imax films, no one did this before. buddy dark knight came out 16 years ago, the first movie shot in imax, back then there was 4 or 3 cameras in the world and this idiot i love even managed to break one of them during the shooting (see the behind the scenes of dark knight its amazing and hilarious). what other filmmaker is going this far for a biography? they could have made this movie but

they didnt make it. period.

i am not here to say that this is better than every other movie, oppenheimer should be forever praised (it is not in my sincere opinion chris' best movie, neither my fav of his) but this is for the ppl whining abt barbie and putting oppenheimer against it.

the reels i saw the other day "greta could make oppeneimer, but nolan couldnt make barbie" HONEY... WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFO? IS THIS SUPPOSED TO ME HER LOOK GOOD ? you are not helping her at all... if she can make oppenheimer why didnt she make it before? is it bc it would be hard to pitch? it wouldnt be easy to make money from it or get funded? it would just be another oscar winning box office flop? bc lets be real, many amazing oscar movies i love, they were commercial flops, and its ok, BUT YOU SEE IT RIGHT?

marvels endgame was a huge commercial movie and a great box office, no one here is screaming the russos to get noms

"ah its a groundbreaking movie bc of feminism"

honey please there's more groundbreaking movies better than barbie, are you fucking kidding me. this is the stuff that makes me ashamed of saying i am a feminist.

also who cares abt margot, isnt it abt to be feminism or is it white feminism ? i wanna see support for lilly gladstone who did and insane work in KOTFM than emma stone in PT.

i am biased, i am his fan afterall, i have no hate for the others, but i am a realist. chris has been making movies for 20 years, groundbreaking breathtaking beautiful stuff, i am not here to throw the party like "visionary director" but i wanna put things on the table, he has been way past what the academy considers cinema, he has been snubbed for so long it became ridiculous. he has been doing an imppecable work of supporting filmmaking and the theater industry, supporting the craftsmanship of filmmaking the studios' inverstors and companies look down on just for profits. to end my rant now, the last thing i wanna say is: i don't care if yall say "ah just another cis het white man winning/being nominated" yes honey, it is.

if anything, this is the "cis het white man" who you just can't believe has not won yet. insane right? he has been snubbed by other cis het white males who would believe it right? lmao

now i am done.

we take in the sheets tomorrow evening. have a great saturday yall

#christopher nolan #oppenheimer #cillian murphy #rant #oscar 2024 #BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS FOR THIS MOMENT I HAVE ALL THE GUNS TO MAKE IT HAPPEN DONT THIS AWAY FROM ME #be a nolan fan you have to suffer even through the wins

[aao1024]

Darlin’

Chapter 2

Masterlist

Lee is never up this late unless he is stuck at the station with a stack of paperwork on his desk. Time seemed to go so slow yet fast as he lay in that bed. It wasn't comfortable, but it's a hospital, not a resort. Lee didn't have to wait long for y/n to return to his room. She had some papers in her hand and a slight smile. Lee could see the small bags under her eyes from her exhaustion. Even though she looked so tired, she still seemed to be so happy and content with her surroundings. Lee wished he could have as much energy and joy each day. Or at least had someone like that in his life to make him less of a grump on a daily basis. He needed a little more positivity in his life.

"How are you feeling Lee? Did you rest at all?"

"Not too bad. I think I might have slept for an hour, but nothing more than that."

"Well, let's get your x-ray done, and we can get you comfortable enough to sleep."

Lee gave her a small smile as she ensured the fluids she hung were secure before moving him. Y/n unlocked the brakes on the bed and began wheeling Lee down the hall to their destination. From there, they entered a relatively large room with a large machine in the middle of it. Y/n and the radiologist helped Lee slide onto the machine and quickly took the needed pictures. As Lee was settled back onto his bed, his pain worsened from all the movement. He didn't have to tell Y/n that he was in distress; his silence on the way back to his room told her that he wasn't feeling good. Once they were back in his room, Y/n prepared another dose of his pain medication and put it in his IV. Within ten to fifteen minutes, Lee was no longer in agony. She explained that they wouldn't have the results until the morning, so he had plenty of time to rest before seeing the doctor. 

"Are you sure you can't just stay here with me, darlin'?"

"As much as I'd love to Lee, I have other patients to see. But if you need me, just give me a shout. Try to get some rest, Lee. You need it."

And with that, Y/n walked out of his room with a small wave. He knew she couldn't stay with him, but it was worth a shot. With his new dose of pain meds, it did not take long for him to fall asleep. Lee woke up many hours later to see Y/n by his bedside checking his IV. 

"Good morning Lee; how are you feeling?"

"It could be worse, darlin'. I'm just a little nervous to talk to the doc."

"I'm sure what he says won't be too bad. He is only here to help you, Lee."

" I know; I never liked going to the doctors or being around them."

"Well, if I'm being honest with you, neither do I. '' She smiled at Lee as he gave her a very puzzled expression. "They tend to think that because I'm a nurse and a woman, I'm about as dumb as they can come." She says as she chuckles from how ridiculous it sounds out loud.

Lee didn't change his expression. He was confused as to why someone would think that Y/n is not intelligent and absolutely amazing at her job. He felt saddened that they were too blinded by their own egos to realize how much Y/n and the other nurses do. 

"Well, if they think that, darlin', they must not be very smart doctors. You seem to be a brilliant woman and have made my stay here better than I could have dreamed of." Lee was quite bothered that Y/n was not appreciated for something she is fantastic at doing. 

"Thank you, Lee; I'm glad to have helped as much as possible. I don't get too upset over it as much anymore. They will have their opinions of me, but as long as I do my job to the best of my ability, I'm happy." She gave him a small smile as she continued charting. " Lee, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, darlin', it's not like I'm going anywhere."

"Why have you been so sweet to me? I mean, you seem to be a very charismatic person, but you have given me more compliments in eight hours than I've gotten in years. I'm not saying that it makes me uncomfortable I'm just curious about-" Y/n realizes that she is rambling as Lee begins to chuckle. "-I'm going to stop talking now so you can actually answer my question." Y/n thought she had made a fool out of herself, but Lee felt quite the opposite. He found it cute that she was getting nervous and couldn't stop talking because of it.

"Darlin', I don't mind hearing you talk, and as for your question. I guess-" Lee was cut off as they heard a knock on the door and saw the doctor walk in.

"Good morning Mr. Bodecker; I'm Dr. Bradshaw. How are you feeling this morning?" He said as he walked over to shake Lee's hand.

"Good to meet you doc. I'm feeling pretty good, considering my circumstances. I have to give that credit to Y/n; she has been a big help." Lee made sure to mention her. She deserved to be acknowledged for her effort. 

"That's great. I looked at your x-rays, and I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your knee appears to have had a mild dislocation but has found its way back into place. However, you have sustained a large fracture to your femur. If it were smaller, we would throw you in a cast and send you home, but it is quite large and will require a small procedure. With surgery, we will make an incision from your hip to approximately mid-thigh, and from there, we will place a bracket and some screws to ensure that the bone grows back together correctly. Do you have any questions?"

"How long will I be down for? I don't exactly have the liberty of taking a vacation from work."

"Well, after surgery, you can go home the next day, but you will be under restrictions for four to six weeks. You will be on crutches for two or so weeks depending on how your recovery goes. After the six-week mark, you can return to work, but you need to be cautious of what you are doing to prevent the fracture from moving farther down the femur. It is in your best interest to have someone help you recover because of these restrictions."

Lee was overwhelmed. He didn't have anyone to help him and had no idea what he would do for six weeks. Lee is his job; he never really had any hobbies outside of that. He didn't go out with his coworkers and hadn't been on a proper date since he and Florence were married. He didn't have much choice, and it angered him that he had little control over the situation. Y/n could see that Lee was stressed. She figured by his lack of visitors that he didn't have many people to help him through this.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice. When can we do it?"

" I have some time this afternoon. I will inform the OR, and Y/n here will help get you prepped. I will see you in a little while." The doctor gave Lee a small wave before walking out the door.

"Are you okay Lee?"

"Uh, yeah, I'll be alright. Just nervous and overwhelmed. I have never had surgery before, and I don't know how I will be able to recover. I..uh, I don't really have anyone to help me. I have some friends, but I don't want to ask too much of them. It's just not the news I wanted to hear."

"I'm sorry Lee; hopefully, you are able to work something out. And as for the surgery, I will be with you along the way. I won't say that it will be painless, but I will try to make it a little less miserable." She rubbed the back of his hand as she promised to be there with him.

"Thank you darlin', I really appreciate it." He grabbed her hand and gave it a slight squeeze. He didn't know why she was being so good to him. She did not have to devote so much time to just one patient, but she did. 

Y/n made sure he was comfortable and went to take care of other patients. Lee was left to rest before his operation. It only increased his anxiety of what was to come after it. He whipped his head towards the door when he heard a knock on the door.

"Hey Sheriff, how are you feeling today?" It was his right-hand man and deputy Matthew Wilson. He had a small vase of flowers with a card attached.

"I'm doing alright; who are these for?"

"Oh yeah, these are for you. They are from everyone at the station.” Matt sat the vase by the window. “What's the plan?"

"Well, in a few hours, they are going to take me for an operation to fix my leg. I will be off work for six weeks. I don't know how I will do it, but I don't have much of an option."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Lee. And listen, don't hesitate to call me or the wife if you need anything. Don't worry about work; we will be okay for a few weeks while you recover."

"Thank you Matt, it means a lot."

As Lee thanks the deputy, Y/n walks in with some towels and other supplies.

"Oh, I apologize for interrupting. Just wanted to bring this stuff in. We will have to clean you up before your procedure, but I will give you some time." She quickly placed the stuff down on a table and exited the room. And as she walked out, Lee couldn't help but stare with a grin on his face.

"You wanna tell me why you look like a little boy on Christmas Eve?"

"That's Y/n; she's my nurse. She's been a big help and has been so sweet to me. Plus, she's quite gorgeous." Lee had started to blush when he talked about her. 

"Are you going to ask her out?"

"No, I can't do that. I don't want to be one of those perverted patients that hit on their nurses. I don't think she'd want an old man like me anyways."

"Alright, no need to get so wound up over it." The deputy threw his hands up in defense. "You never know what could happen. Well, I will get out of your hair and get back to work; call if you need anything. Will you need a ride home tomorrow?”

“Yeah, can you also bring some other clothes? Y/n had to cut my pants off of me.” He had said the last part a little quieter. “Thank you for everything. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime Sheriff, good luck. Don’t give her too much of a hard time.” The deputy chuckled as he left. 

Y/n came back into his room a few minutes later. Lee was even more anxious than before. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It could’ve been that he had never had surgery before or that after he left the hospital, he was basically on his own to recover. Even though friends had told him to call if he needed anything, he was not going to burden anyone if he could help.

“Lee, is it alright if I start getting you ready?”

“Yeah, darlin’, there’s no point in me stalling.”

“What’s going on in that head of yours? What happened to the macho tough sheriff act?”

“I think I’m just nervous about having surgery. I know it’s just a simple operation, but anything could happen. If I do make it out, I don’t know how I will get through recovery by myself. I mean, everyone says to reach out if I need something, but I don’t want to make my stupidity someone else’s problem. I can barely cook and clean as it is. What am I going to do for the next six weeks?” Lee stopped after feeling like he had let too much fly out of his mouth. He was never one to express his feelings. “I’m sorry, Y/n, I don’t know why I blurted all of that out.” Lee ran his calloused hands over his face in shame. He felt embarrassed that he had unloaded his issues onto her.

“Lee, it’s okay to be a little scared, but I can promise you that you will be okay. And when not if, when you come out of surgery, I will be here when you wake up. You are not a burden on anyone. If you need help, then you need help. No one expects you to do it alone. Let’s just take this one step at a time, okay?” Lee nodded in agreeance, “okay, let’s just get you cleaned up.”

Lee felt terrible for putting that stress on her but was thankful for her effort to help him relax. Lee still had some dirt on him from the previous evening and overall felt gross. Y/n filled up a basin with warm water and laid out soap, washcloths, a razor, toothpaste and a toothbrush for him for Lee to use on his bedside table. She got him a second smaller cup to rinse his mouth after brushing his teeth. She set towels at the end of the bed for the time being. She stood by and watched as he took a soapy rag to wash his face and neck. She untied his gown so he could wash his chest and arms. Lee felt quite exposed in front of Y/n but tried to remember that this was her job.

“Do you want some help doing your hair?”

“Sure, thank you.”

Y/n brought the bedside table closer to him so he could lean over it. She wrapped a towel around his shoulders to prevent a mess. After placing a small glob of shampoo in her hand, she ran it through his hair and used her fingertips to apply some pressure. Lee had never had someone wash his hair before, making him forget what was happening. He didn’t want it to become awkward, but Y/n’s touch was almost euphoric to him. Y/n took handfuls of the water to rinse his hair and used the towel around his shoulders to dry his neck. She gave him the towel to finish drying himself off. Now he just needed help with his lower half. Lee was not excited about this part by any means.

Y/n got the cloth soapy and handed it to him. She turned around in an effort to give him privacy. Lee quickly cleaned, dried, and covered himself. Lee told her that she was okay to turn around. He had a bright red blush across his cheeks. Y/n was closest to his non-injured leg and decided to start there. Lee could not clean his legs because the movement required would cause more pain than it was worth. Starting at his foot, she worked her way up his leg and quickly finished at his thigh to keep the awkward tension to a minimum. As she got to his injured leg, she took her time to be careful because anything too aggressive would hurt him. As she got to his knee, she let him clean his thigh so he could use the appropriate amount of pressure. She helped him dry off and covered him up. Lee then brushed his teeth and applied soap to his face in order to shave. Y/n told him that as much as he would hate it, she had to shave his thigh to keep the surgical field sterile. She let him apply the soap and quickly but gently cleared the hair from his thigh. 

“I feel like a brand new man, darlin’.”

“I’m glad you are feeling better.” She giggled

She sat with him and talked about anything she could to distract him. They spoke of where they each grew up and their common interests. As she checked her watch, she knew that the doctor would be coming in soon to take Lee to surgery. She didn’t know why, but she felt nervous as well. She knew Lee would be fine, but she truly cared about what was happening to him. 

Taglist:

@eclecticpatrolroadlawyer​

#lee bodecker x plus size reader #lee bodecker #plus size reader

[one-abuse-survivor]

im recovering, slowly but its happening, snd its weird. i feel my emotions a lot stronger now, its been around 6 months since i left my parents' house and some days are great, i feel stronger and way more confident than i ever did there, i have an amazing job and i just love life. but there are days where everything is just too much, like today. every part of me hurts on the inside and im just tired. its like my heart aches and my chest has an emotional pain inside of it. my grandad died 4 years ago almost, and i feel like im finally getting the chance to grieve him. every day i miss him more and more and i just want him back. it feels like he died yesterday. my nanan died just over a year ago and i feel like im just processing shes gone. im grieving my grandparents, my parents(who they used to be before they abused me), and my (practically nonexistent) childhood all at once and it just hurts inside. its a hurt that makes me feel alive but i just want it to stop and leave me alone. im hoping this is a normal/regular thing people like me go through, and im also hoping it gets better soon. i know it wont in the near future, i feel all the memories coming back some days and i can only process one or two at a time, and it sometimes frustrates me because i want to get it over with, like ripping a bandaid off, but i just cant, and it has to be done step by step. i just miss my grandparents. a lot. im crying a lot more lately too, just feeling my emotions so much stronger since ive started to truly process my trauma. do they stay this strong or settle down? im triggered pretty easily, which, in time, i hope stops happening so easily. i know recovery is a hard road but im thankful and very grateful that i got the chance to start it so early in life. im 19, moved out at 18, and its a bit hard, just so thankful i have a good therapist 😂 sometimes i just get so angry at everything and want to just hurt myself to make the pain stop, or just feel like i do today, slow and tired and achy. i get the rare amazingly happy day, and make sure i enjoy it, dw hahah but idk i just wanted to vent/say this in hopes of hearing that other people are going through this too, and that im not alone

Hey, nonnie. I'm so glad to hear you're away from your parents and recovering from the abuse and trauma you endured. That's amazing, I'm really happy for you ❤️

Yes, in my experience, it is normal to experience these sort of shifts inside you, especially during the first few years of recovery. I personally also went through phases where I would cry almost daily, phases where my emotions seemed out of control, or where I randomly felt immense grief/anger/sadness/disgust. And I can tell you that, in my case, with the help of time and therapy, the bad days, which used to be frequent and leave me exhausted, have become rare and much more manageable. Now, 5 years into recovery, I can have a bad trauma moment (hell, I can even run into my mother) and still enjoy the rest of my day. And my emotions have become much more stable, too. I rarely feel like I'm not in control of them.

Obviously, not everything is easy or perfect. I still live with PTSD, and there's plenty of things I still need to keep working on, like being vulnerable and trusting others, but... The good days have definitely become the norm over time, instead of the exception. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I had a proper emotional flashback or ugly-cried from how overwhelmed I felt (knocking on wood, haha).

So, yes, nonnie, it does get better with time. Recovery isn't linear—I'm sure you've heard that already—but it does get better. Though there may be ups and downs, and you might go through completely unexpected lows as you process all your emotions, the tendency will be to move upwards, and, if you're anything like me, one day you'll wake up and realise you can't even remember the last time you ugly-cried or felt like the world was ending. You'll just be living your life.

You're doing amazingly! There might still be bad days ahead of you, but there are countless good days to come, too.

I hope you can find ways to safely express your anger with the help of your therapist, and I hope you have the space and tools to process some of your grief and trauma memories as they resurface.

Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

Oh, and if anyone else wants to reassure anon that they're not alone, feel free to do so!

#Ask #Abuse tw #abusive parents #abuse recovery #Death tw #Grief tw #family death tw #Child abuse tw #Vent #Trauma tw #Trauma recovery #Self harm mention #Sh mention

[myymi]

🥺 and 🤗 for the ask thingy!!

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment

or common interaction between your

characters that never fails to put you in

your feels?

well, they're not my characters but 100% with sonic and tails

there are SO many interactions between these two ive seen in media that gets a genuine, physical response out of me

main two being; 1, them fighting and 2, one of them almost dying and the other just holding them to their chest.

and, honestly, i think what gets me most about those scenes is how real it feels. i have 6 older siblings, and two of them have had very close calls before and this terrifying. i feel empathetic to anyone who goes through something similar, even if fictional.

and again.. i have SIX siblings. ive been in a lot of fights lol

🤗 What advice would you give to

new fanfic writers that are just getting

started?

generally, just write.

i know, maybe not all the helpful, but just listen-

i found that giving my writing a purpose for any reason other than because i wanted to do it drained me. i picked up writing as a hobby, so trying to make it a job or something i had to do just,, made it difficult.

but when i just write for the hell of it? i have tons of fun with it and get a LOT more done in comparison lol

and also, don't worry about how people might react to your work. sure, it can be discouraging if people don't like it, but you shouldn't fully base what you do off of what others want. because, at the end of the day, you're making it. not them. so make what you like, worry about feedback second.

and, most importantly!! everyone starts somewhere. you don't just become a good writer over night, it takes practice like all other skill. your first story isn't going to be amazing or your best work, and that's okay! it's a starting point, worry about learning instead of being good right off the bat.

don't wait until your content is perfect before you enjoy it, otherwise you never will. because no fic or story is perfect. so just enjoy it as it is and as it grows.

in my experience, you make a lot more progress in getting better when you're not so focused on all the negatives.

#miles tails prower #tails the fox #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic #sonic and tails #fanfic writer ask

[alyszaen]

Music Bank 2023 with Aly

Okay, here we go with my opinions on mubank23 in paris!

~

Let's start with the music - the most important thing.

I was a little disappointed, because even though Skz were headliners, Tbz got more Songs than them. Nonetheless I enjoyed it a ton!

Our boys started with Case 143, played Maniac (BESTIES POPPIN LIVE HAD ME ASCENDING), continued with God's Menu (nobody expected this?? It slayed so hard??? NE SONNIM LIKE OKAY SIR THAT GROWL) and we ended with the biggest surprise of all: MIROH! Hearing an entire Stadium going "Stray Kids Hoo!" was incredible!

I enjoyed the other groups, aswell, but as you know I am only a Stay (so far), so I can't give the best feedback on it. I am 100% sure I will start stanning AB6IX, though. They fucking SLAYED! I also did enjoy the other boygroups a lot. I'll absolutely get into them. (Besties Keeho was killing me)

BESTIES MAMAMOO LIVE?? HWASA??? THE SCREAMS I SCREAMT!!!!

IVE and NMIXX aren't for me personally, but they were great live! Enjoyable!

~

The Fanbase

Now I personally had a great experience with all kinds of fans! I made a lot of friends, we all adopted eachother! During the Concert I was sitting next to a ENGENE and we made a deal: I film enhypen if she films skz, so we could focus on dancing and singing along. She even gave me her lightstick when it was Skz turn!

In addition to that I met the sweetest girl the day before, who was giving out Freebies before the Concert. She saved me a Quokka keychain and gave it to me after mubank! You can find her shop on insta: @mavizia.eu

I also met a bunch of other fans, funny enough it was almost exclusively Chan Biases lmao. A nice group adopted us in the line and kept us around!

~

The Fanbase for partypit

Now I had seats, but from my view I could see a lot of what was happening in the pit. I also had a bunch of friends in there who told me the same exact thing: It was horribly dangerous. Obsessive fans kept pushing people, some people got punched. Multiple fans fainted due to a multitute of reasons. And we don't even need to talk about the fans during lineup - so many kept cutting in line, shouting at others. I was genuinely lucky to have made so many skz friends in line easily, so we were a pretty big group that nobody messed with!

~

The organisation

Okay I have to be honest here, guys. I am an eventmanager. This was absolute fucking shit. Security did not ban campers, nothing was done against fannumbering and when people started lining up at 4am nothing was done. This was actual absolute shit. I could go on about this for hours, but I'd rather focus on the positives. This was one of the worst concert organisations I have ever experienced. If I hadn't had seats I would have been stressed beyond the imaginable.

The end of the concert was also officially annunced half an hour later. They ended early, with skz only getting 4 songs, even though they were headlining. I have a lot of opinions on this, and am convinced I would have done a better job at organizing this. And no, guys, there is barely a difference planning 20.000 people or 40.000. They should have had an early queue set-up and 90% of everyones problems even before the concert would have ended.

~

Now all in all in enjoyed it, though. I will absolutely stan more than just skz now. Overall I was very happy with the concert! Especially thanks to the amazing trip through the city I had earlier that day. It was generally very enjoyable. <3

#alysdiary #music bank 2023

[chronicals-of-top-surgery]

25 days post OP 6/20/22

Jeez, five days have passed already?? Time is FLYING by.

Well, a day or two ago I took a nice hot shower and because I wasn't super concerned about water getting into places it shouldn't (which was a concern when my nipples weren't fully attached yet) I was able to get everything cleaned. Sadly, I need to exfoliate because just rubbing my shoulders made a ton of gross, dead skin fall off.

Speaking of gross dead stuff falling off, the hot steam got the scabs really loose. My right nipple has almost no scabbing now and my left lost a TON. It's seemingly very healthy and pink and perfect under there. The top is weirdly not super smoothed down to the skin or flush, it's raised around the top edge but I think it'll smooth itself out and be fine.

Though, while I was gently lifting away the scab bits that were flaking and falling off anyways, one bit of scab gave a weird amount of resistance. Turns out, there's a fuckin SUTURE hiding under the scab!! Like a whole stitch, hiding, totally missed by the doctor 2 weeks later. I sent him a text and showed some pics and he said I'm healing up perfectly, I look amazing, and that the suture will dissolve and fall away on its own so just don't bother it and it'll be fine.

I only have 6 more days of wearing my chest wrap too. Ive been taking breaks for a few hours at a time. Just letting everything breathe and relax a little, especially when the wrap is just not cooperating and is rolling up and sitting on my scars weird which hurts. My sides do hurt but I think it's from the wrap and laying on my sides. I've been able to sleep on my sides a little but I keep just rolling back over to sleep on my back again.

Everything is super sensitive. Especially in the center of my chest between the two scars and like in between where my breasts used to be, it's just really tender to touch. Like touching a super raw sunburn, or (and maybe only my fellow autistic folks will really get this one) when someone pets or rubs you in the same spot over and over for too long it starts to hurt? Yeah that sensation. Really uncomfortable. It feels better with the wrap on it and nothing brushing up against it but my whole chest is just sensitive in a bad way

For some reason, right below my nipple and a little to the outside, it's hard as rock. Idk what that's about bc the rest of my chest is more squishy. I'm guessing it's muscle?? Or part of the suturing? Idk, it doesn't hurt, just a little strange note. It's on both sides, mostly the left, so I'm assuming it's normal.

I still am trying to not really stretch, I still haven't done any heavy lifting, pushing, or pulling. I plan to keep it that way for another month, hell, until I'm moving out for college (3 months total healing). I want to be CERTAIN I don't cause any damage and I want my scars to heal as pristinely as possible, and right now I have the luxury to do so. Besides, as of right now, if I stretch a bit too far or push a bit too hard, it does hurt. I haven't had anything besides a twinge of achey pain or a quick pinch but id rather listen to those little hints of pain telling me to stop while I'm ahead and not push it further.

Ive got my online college orientation tomorrow so I have that to look forward to. I also need to start talking to my boss about when I'll be returning. But I can worry about that tomorrow. I still have 10 days before my leave ends, I'm not on the very last second of planning. It's still flexible and calm and I'm not gonna freak myself out over a minimum wage job. The only reason I haven't quit is because I want to transfer to a store in the college town and take advantage of tuition reimbursement.

So yeah! It's going good, I'm taking it easy still, healing is nice, I'm no longer stressed about my nipple because it turns out it's scab was just a LOT thicker than my right one, and everything is healing good! Im outside of the scary zone now, no more fear that a nipple will fall off or that something will get infected. Now it's just a gentle waiting game for the sutures inside to heal and dissolve away and for my scars to settle and start permanently healing. It won't be completely healed for like 3 years (the deep scar on my hand took about that long to go from reddish pink to my skin tone) but I just need to make it to the period where I'm safe to work out again which I think is like 3 ish months? I'm fine with that honestly. I'm not going to start working out again until I have the campus gym accessible to me.

I'll keep updating this periodically! Im really fond of this blog and all like 3 people who follow it, and it's a great archive for myself and my memories. Somehow being in Miami simultaneously feels like yesterday and a year ago. I miss my companion, I miss how much he doted on me and cared for me. Of course my mom dotes on me too but that's a good mom for ya, I love and appreciate it but I still yearn for him too. Little bit of gay yearning never hurt anyone yeah? Yeah. I'll keep updating here as I go along and heal! Until the next post!

#ftm #lgbt #top surgery #top surgery recovery #trans #transgender #transmasc

[raksh-writes]

<beware, self reflection post incoming>

So. This year has been a tough one.

Feels like it has been tougher than all of those before, ngl, but it's hard to tell how much of it is skeved memory and how much just how strong those feelings are today. But it has been an awful year -- the first half was kind of alright, but the second? Yeah, everything went downhill there.

I slid into one of the worst depression holes ever. I quit my job two months ago, because it has been contributing strongly to that, but remained unemployed and stressed out of my mind because of that and feeling completely listless since. Unmoored. With no purpose whatsoever. It's... not a good place to be. On top of that, I got real sick with covid this week and barely started feeling somewhat better today. Guess it's a suficiently shitty end to an awful year, huh? What hurts, too, is the heart breaking writer's block I got in that second half of the year too.

I wrote barely anything this year, posted even less. Got very disconnected from that part of myself that carried me through the rough times of the previous years -- and maybe that's why it feels worse than ever now, when I had at least that joy back then but it feels like it's been taken from me. It's... rough.

I've always been in the middle of something before too. Always going back to classes, to uni, got a job last year, but now? Well...

I did start taking steps to crawl back to life. Trying to at least. Baby steps.

So, I wanna make a list of those baby steps. The ones Ive already started taking, the ones Im gonna soon, the ones I wanna try to make. Make a path out of them, maybe. So:

Im back to therapy, that's good. Working through new and old stuff, it's definitely helping, but... there's a lot more to work through than I imagined. It's okay, though. I can already tell some of it helped, it's been a good helping hand in digging myself out of this hole - or at least starting to dig myself out.

Im also starting an internship at the job office on monday (hopefully most of my symptoms are gonna be gone by then 🤞). It's a 6 months one, not as well paid as a full job, of course, but it's experience, it's a start, and I can always search for smth different in the meantime. And it's stability a dearly need.

I want to go back to studying too. I found I miss it a lot, having that goal, broadening my mind, etc. I wanna sign for some post-diploma library studies classes in the city where I intern, near where I live. It might not open up, but if it doesn’t, I think I'll try going back for actual Masters. It's something Im actually sort of looking forward too, even if it makes me a lil' anxious.

Been idly thinking about maybe going back to the city. Trying to live on my own again. Study, find a job to pay for it. Might not be quite possible, though, with prices of pretty much everything going up to 3x what they were and still going up. It's an idea for the later part of the year, though, if Id actually try going for it.

Maybe the most obvious one -- I want to write again. And post, too. I miss interacting with readers. Seeing that someone Gets it. That it brings people joy. I miss it a lot. These last months, even if I managed to write a little, I didn't even had the drive to post. No drive for anything, really. Feels like death to a creative soul 😔 So I want to write. And I want to share it. Im still thinking of my Beauty and the Beast Voiles AU -- I have a couple chapters of it done, maybe I could start posting and see where it goes, even if I dont manage to finish it? Then I got obsessed with VegasPete, an amazing ship I recommend to all that like Voiles or just enemies to lovers! I even managed to write some lil bits of them, some I Could post even, but I can’t get myself to... maybe it's a goal for the near future. To break through that block and engage with new fandom beyond just reading and commenting, but trying to contribute some of my own. It's scary, but it might do me good? It'd be nice..

I want to try and do more typesetting this year too, and properly, since Ive been thinking I could maybe do it part time in the future, do a project here and there, but for that I'd have to polish up my skills. Maybe do some smaller projects, that wont take me months to finish like the fics I did lately.

Have my eyes peeled for opportunities and have the courage to reach for them. I want to do library studies and Id love to work in a library one day, but its hard to get into one, so I gotta have my eyes open for any possibility. Or working in a book store, Id love that too. Anything with books, tbh. So, be on the look out. And work on having the courage to reach for it and battling down my anxiety.

Go out and meet with friends I haven't seen in a long time. I think Ive isolated myself a bit too much this year and it definitely hasn’t helped. So I need to try more to get out of the easy, lazy way and go out to meet people.

And that's it, for now, I think. Goals for the new year? Maybe, but being in the place I am, baby steps feel better. Im sure Im not the only one that had an awful year and if you're reading this, feeling the same, I see you. Can’t promise it's gonna get better, but we gotta have hope and try taking those baby steps towards making it better. So, Im not gonna go into elaborate wishes, Im just gonna be simple.

I wish you all good health, because it's so important and yet we don’t appreciate it enough, and also wish all of us courage, especially those struggling. To reach for what we want. To reach for what we fear. To get out of our comfort zones, one baby step at a time. To put ourselves out there. To win over our anxieties. To live.

Im slowly, very slowly, trying to take those baby steps. To crawl back to life. It's hard. And slow. But I hope it's gonna be worth it. It's gotta be better than the misery of last months. So, that's what I hope for in the next year. Taking the baby steps to a better future.

Happy New Year, everyone, and I hope y'all have a lovely last day of 2022 💗

#personal #Raksh posts #encouragement #I think there’s some here #but this is a very personal post #self reflection #baby steps #note to self #putting it all in writing in hopes it'll help me follow them or somethinf #Im still feeling quite sick and the worst is I have no appetite and everything sticks inside my mouth #so Im probably not eating that well and that's not helping 😔 #but Im trying what I can get myself to swallow and hopefully that'll be enough #Im also thinking of maybe trying to post that one patt of the fic I managed to write down a couple months ago? #I meant to only do it when I finish the second part but since Im stuck in this limbo maybe it'd actually help? #its scary and it might actually not gain any reaction and maybe today its not a good day for it but #maybe for me it would be #to finish the year on at least one happier note in this depressing day #Ive been thinking smth similar for weeks with posting that one part and didnt find it in myself #but maybe I should push and try and it'd be nice... #this post is probably full of typos too but I have no energy to reread it too closely sorry #its mostly for myself anyway #but if any of you read all the way through to here -- thank you 💗 and I wish you all the best for the new year 💗💗

[quintessentialbaka]

Stages of dyeing your hair

1. Planning:

I found this great reference photo! It gave me an amazing idea! I already have most of what I need, this’ll be awesome!

2. Set up

Let’s make sure to cover the floors, the sink, wear a towel around my shoulders. Ive got a bunch of clips, and my hair is perfectly sectioned! Nothing will get stained, I’ve done a great job!

3. Bleach

God I forgot how hard it is to do anything while looking in the mirror. I wish I had a vent fan, my eyes sting. How long has it been since a started? The back will be done before I even finish the front! Please don’t let my hair fall out oh god.

4. The panic in between bleach and color

How am I only halfway there. Why are all these spots so yellow. Fuck I missed my roots over there. I’m out of bleach now so fuck it I guess. I’ll do better with the dye.

5. Color

I think I might have more hair than anyone else that had ever lived. How did I just flick blue on the WALL?? That’ll never come off. Oh god I forgot the Vaseline thing. My ears will be blue forever. How many years has it been since I started this. Why didn’t I just pay $100 more to have someone else to this for me. I can’t see the back of my head, let’s hope I got it all. Sectioning is not easy, f you brad Mondo for making it seem easy. I’m not dumb this shit is just hard

6. Rinsing

I’ve been in the shower for 10,000 years. The water is still blue. I’ll never see my family again.

7. Done

Wow okay I actually did it! It looks good! Hope it lasts cause I’ll never do that again, that sucked.

Rinse and repeat in one months time.

[orcelito]

also i forgot to post it yesterday but i impulse decided to try coloring a nico and it’s not like the most amazing drawing ever, honestly i drew it in like. a Minute. but i spent a while coloring & playing around with layers and i actually don’t completely hate it !!!!

#speculation nation #drawing shit #i also found a polka dot brush and i was like I AM GOING TO USE THIS FOR A BACKGROUND IMMEDIATELY #it's so cute!!! #oc shit #nico #it's not an amazing job but it's better than ive done before #sometime i wanna put some genuine effort into a drawing and then color that #i wanna make smth i can be genuinely proud of #caps/

[hornime]

watch and learn | iwaizumi hajime x f!reader x team japan

there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.

warnings: 18+, timeskip!everyone, BIG MANGA SPOILERS BASICALLY, exhibitionism, voyeurism, orgasm denial

w/c: 3.1k

a/n: now i don’t know if iwaizumi hajime (27) athletic trainer learned about female orgasms when he was studying sports science at irvine BUT he def knows how to show a girl a good time which is reason enough for me to write this. also, i read this article to prep for this piece and it was super enlightening, so i do recommend giving it a read if you’re interested!

in the middle of his morning run, iwaizumi slowed momentarily to check the repetitive buzzing of this phone, curious as to who was messaging him this early. when he’d left the apartment, you were sleeping, and you had the tendency to still be sleeping by the time he returned, so who else could it be?

he unlocked his phone, quickly finding the source of the notifications: the team japan group chat.

[06:43 AM] miya: hey @iwaizumi—you know stuff abt the human body right?

[06:43 AM] miya: cus like you studied it in college and shit??

iwaizumi rolled his eyes. i spent four years in america to earn my degree, came back home to support my country’s olympic team, and dealt with the biggest idiots of volleyball, only to get treated like this?

[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: yes, miya. i took many courses on the human body. in fact that’s the purpose of my job. to know the human body. because i am a fucking athletic trainer.

[06:44 AM] miya: okay okay i get it. dumb question

[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: why? is something up? you need help or anything?

[06:44 AM] miya: uhhh kinda

[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata i’m not fucking asking this

[06:44 AM] bokuto: bro just do it

[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata @hinata @hinata 

iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow. what the hell are they going on about?

[06:45 AM] iwaizumi: so am i needed or...

[06:45 AM] hinata: YES

[06:45 AM] hinata: we had a question

[06:46 AM] sakusa: by “we” he means him, miya, and bokuto

[06:46 AM] suna: yeah don’t bring us into this

[06:46 AM] hinata: don’t listen to them! both suna and sakusa wanna know too

[06:46 AM] iwaizumi: okay. what’s up

[06:47 AM] hinata: we wanted to know how to make a girl cum

he chuckled in disbelief.

[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: you’re telling me that you guys are in your mid-20s, literal olympic athletes, and you don’t know how to make a girl cum

[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: have you never done it before??

[06:47 AM] miya: NO

[06:47 AM] miya: FOR THE RECORD IVE MADE MANY GIRLS CUM

[06:48 AM] bokuto: ME TOO

[06:48 AM] bokuto: i think

he laughed out loud, briefly startling another runner on the sidewalk.

[06:48 AM] iwaizumi: you guys are unbelievable

[06:48 AM] hinata: i mean she says she finished but idk what i did to make that happen

[06:48 AM] bokuto: ^^

[06:48 AM] hinata: so like i wanna know how to actually do it

[06:48 AM] suna: actually im kinda interested in this too

[06:48 AM] aran: i pray for your future girlfriends. this is painful to see. im out

[06:48 AM] kageyama: i’m with aran on this one. you guys are dumb

[06:48 AM] hinata: shut up. you suck.

[06:48 AM] miya: cmon iwaizumi, help a guy out

[06:48 AM] sakusa: it wouldnt hurt for you to give us some pointers at least

iwaizumi sighed.

[06:49 AM] iwaizumi: @miya @hinata @bokuto @suna @sakusa meet in the locker room after practice. ill give you guys a lesson in the art of pleasing a woman

to teach effectively, he needed a volunteer, though he was sure you wouldn’t need much convincing. you’d always loved the attention, and the biceps, of the pro athletes. he spun on his heel and jogged home.

you woke up to the sound of your apartment door opening, your boyfriend creeping inside, forehead damp with sweat.

“hey,” you said quietly, making your way towards him.

“hey, baby. sorry for waking you up, i was trying to be quiet.”

you giggled sleepily. “s’okay, haji. you spoil me too much anyway, always letting me sleep in for hours while you’re off doing god knows what.”

at that, his eyes crinkled in amusement, and as you tried to step into a hug, he shuffled back. “woah there, baby. i gotta shower, ‘m all gross from my run. and then,” he gave you a peculiar look that you couldn’t quite place, “i got a proposition for you.”

after his shower, he waltzed out of the bathroom, steam wafting out from behind the door. his tanned body made you feel things you definitely shouldn’t be barely an hour after the sun’s risen, and you reached out to massage the tension in his shoulders. “so, what’s your proposition?”

“well,” he hesitated. “it’s a bit... unconventional. the team asked me to show them how to make a girl cum,” he took in your intrigued expression. “and it’d be a lot easier to explain if i had someone to do a live demonstration with. so,” his eyes flicked up to you. “that’s where you’d come in.”

“a... live demonstration? like you’re gonna make me cum in front of them?”

“yeah, essentially.” he gave you a devilish grin. “you want that, baby? wanna show those boys how a real man treats a gorgeous woman like you?”

you rubbed your thighs at his words. “yeah,” you purred. “i do. wanna show them how good you are to me.”

and that’s how you found yourself nestled between iwaizumi’s muscled thighs, back pressed against his chest, completely naked, with five of japan’s best volleyball players staring at your body in awe.

practically an expert in his field, iwaizumi knew the human body inside and out. this had many benefits; of course it allowed him to catapult up the ranks and work with the country’s best athletes to keep them at the top of their game, but it also had a unique side effect: an overwhelming vault of knowledge on how to make a woman feel good anywhere. 

you’d seen the proof firsthand; he knew exactly where to push, prod, stroke, and tease to have you cumming in seconds, over and over, as many times as you wanted. he was amazing, and you were well-aware just how lucky you were to have such a talented man in the sheets.

“oi,” iwaizumi snapped his fingers, drawing each of the players’ eyes away from your glistening cunt. “pay attention. i know more than anybody that she’s hot as fuck, but you gotta listen to what i’m saying or else there’s no point to this.”

he lightly pressed his lips against your collarbone, slowly tracing them against your jaw, the contact making you squirm. “if you wanna make a girl cum, first thing you gotta do is make her comfortable. if she’s worried about how she looks or sounds or smells she’s gonna be too stressed to let go.” he moved his hands to grope your tits, his calloused fingers brushing over your hardening nipples. “so reassure her, tell her how irresistible she is, how pretty her moans are, how tasty her pussy is. shit like that. the sexier she feels the better it’ll be.”

he leaned into you, whispering into your ear. “feeling good, baby? we can stop whenever.”

you nodded weakly, afraid to open your mouth, barely holding in your whines as his palms worked wonders on your chest and stomach, sending shocks of heat wherever they touched. 

you craned your neck up to observe the men before you. atsumu was flushed red, wringing his hands as if he was worried they’d do something embarrassing if he didn’t keep them occupied. hinata was bouncing his leg up and down, wiping his palms on his shorts as he took in the plushness of your thighs. bokuto was basically drooling, greedily tracing your soft curves with his eyes. suna maintained his indifferent expression, but the reddening tips of his ears showed that he was a lot more hot and bothered than he let on. sakusa stood quietly to the side, leaning against the wall, mask tucked under his chin as if he’d just realized how much the temperature had gone up in the room.

there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.

"make sure to try different things; there’s multiple ways to make a woman cum. only like a quarter of women experience orgasms just from penetration,” someone made a sound of shock. “yes, the number is that small, bokuto.” 

his fingertip slowly trailed past your belly button, dipping into the mess between your thighs, causing you to slightly arch your back into the solid chest supporting you. “foreplay with the clit is your best bet; even stupid fucks like you probably wouldn’t screw it up too bad.”

hinata opened his mouth to speak, but iwaizumi anticipated his question and continued.

“i know you’re wondering where the clit is. it’s around here, under this hood of skin,” he slid his digit between your labia. “s’not gonna come with a label so you gotta explore a little bit. i know where hers is like the back of my hand, but for you guys, with your girls, you’re gonna have to move your fingers around. slowly. and pay attention to her expressions.” he began to rub in a circular motion around your clit, causing you to make small whimpers of pleasure and shift your hips to meet his movements. 

“if she clenches up or twitches when you feel a certain spot, like this,” your legs flexed as he increased the pressure, “that’s the clit. be kind, it’s not a volleyball. be gentle n’ make small circles, whether it’s with your fingers or your tongue.” 

he thought for a second. “speaking of which, oral’s important. very important. most women cum when they’ve been eaten out, so use your mouths for something more useful than just dirty talk. suck on the clit, maybe tongue-fuck her a ‘lil, but your main focus should always be the clit.”

he removed his hands from your sopping pussy, and you made a pathetic noise of frustration. “’m sorry, baby,” he muttered seductively in your ear. “don’t wanna have you finishing too early. lesson’s barely started.”

he turned his attention back to your audience, his lustful tone being replaced by a more instructional one. “there’s other places that’ll help a woman orgasm, too: her nipples, her neck, her ears—”

“her ears?” sakusa questioned. he blushed profusely as everyone turned to look at him, surprised that he’d opened his mouth. “what? we were all thinking it.”

“s’a valid question,” iwaizumi said. “yeah, you can lick ‘em if they’re sensitive. hers are.” as if to prove his statement, he licked a stripe on the shell of you ear, making you wiggle helplessly at the stimulation. “‘n leave kisses everywhere else. feels good for them just like it does for us.” he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him and forcing your movements to stop as he traced patterns with his tongue all around your neck.

“something you should know about an orgasm is that it’s something called a positive feedback loop.” he looked up and was met with five blank stares. shouldn’t have expected anything from these dumb jocks, he lamented. “basically that means that, once you start releasing sexual tension, things will feel better and better until you climax.”

“oh!” atsumu chirped. “like how my sets get better and better throughout a game.”

“no, not really,” he quipped. “your sets suck throughout.” atsumu frowned at that.

iwaizumi exhaled exasperatedly. “the general idea is that the body gets more and more sensitive, muscle contractions become more and more frequent, and touches feel more and more stimulating until you cum. all right?”

they all made noises of understanding except for bokuto and hinata, whose eyes had glazed over at the first mention of an academic term. whatever, iwaizumi thought. they’ll get it through example.

"don’t worry about it too much if you don’t get it, that’s just an orgasm on paper. in practice, though, this is the crucial step: listen to her. she knows what feels good. never forget that you’re just an idiot with a cock.” he took a breath, gathering his thoughts before proceeding with his lecture.

“if she tells you to slow down, you slow down. if she tells you to go harder, you go harder. if she tells you to keep doing what you’re doing, you...”

“keep doing what you’re doing”, they all chimed in at staggered times.

“that’s right. don’t go faster or else you’ll mess up the rhythm and she won’t cum. and you wanna make her cum, don’t you?”

they nodded simultaneously.

“so if you keep up the tempo and force that feels good to her, you’ll be fine. questions?”

suna spoke up. “what about,” he choked on the word. “penetration?”

hinata hummed in agreement and bokuto jumped in. “yeah, what if i wanna make her cum on my cock?”

iwaizumi made a weird face. “that’s some pretty advanced stuff, but i guess i can go over it. when you try it, though, you have to be patient. with both of your bodies. s’not rocket science but s’not always easy. also it depends on the woman but sometimes she physically won’t be able to finish from penetration alone. just make sure you’re communicating.”

his swirled two fingers over your hole before shoving them in, your wetness making it easy for him to thrust in and out as your entrance stretched to accommodate him. “f—fuck!” your eyes flew open at the intrusion and you body lurched forward, but you were held back by his strong forearm. “ohmygod, oh my g—ah! feels s’good haji, s’good!”

“i know, baby, i know. you’re taking it so well.” he turned his attention back to the men, each of who were gulping heavily. if that didn’t signal to you that they were evidently affected by your moans, the way they shifted in their workout shorts did.

“boys, focus.” he curled his fingertips, brushing at the spongy spot at the top of your walls, ripping a pleasured wail from your throat and causing tears to prick at your eyelashes. “when you’re fingering her, you’ll feel an area inside that’s a bit soft and squishy. that’s the g-spot.”

you trembled in his arms as he mercilessly struck the same place over and over again with his fingers. “when you’re fucking her, try to keep the pressure building there, but it’ll be harder to make her finish since you can’t see what you’re doing.”

your breath hitched as iwaizumi’s incessant movements brought your body tantalizingly close to your release. he suddenly stopped and you almost sobbed in disappointment, until he plunged his fingers impossibly deeper.

a guttural scream of ecstasy came from within you, and your eyes rolled back as he began playing with another part of you, your body putty in his hands. “hngh, haji, ah! so good, s’good...” you threw your hands back around his neck, nails digging into the skin as you desperately tried to keep yourself grounded. your soft moans filled the air.

“stop clenching,” he hissed. “can barely move my hand.” you tried to relax but failed miserably as the tips of his fingers grazed your cervix. 

“holy fuck,” suna muttered. “you’re a god.”

“she sounds so pretty,” atsumu said in amazement.

“i wanna make a girl feel good like that, too!” bokuto sulked.

“you can do it, bokuto!” hinata hit him on the arm. “just listen to iwaizumi. clearly he knows what he’s talking about.” 

their eyes refocused on your figure, writhing in pleasure, prompting white hot waves of arousal to pool in their stomachs. 

“yeah,” sakusa said. “clearly.”

“stop talking,” iwaizumi ordered. “and listen. beyond the g-spot is the cervix, which is basically the end of the vagina. if you’re long enough,” he briefly scanned each of their faces, “which i’m sure you are, you’ll be able to reach it if you bottom out.”

“haji—hajime, please.” the stimulation was coming absolutely unbearable, and you could tell he was sadistically holding you at the edge, refusing to give you the satisfaction of finishing. “lemme cum, please. please lemme cum, please, please, i can’t—i can’t take it ‘nymore!”

“what was that? you can’t take it anymore? gonna cum?” you helplessly bobbed your head up and down, hoping that he’d give you permission. “well,” he growled, “we can’t have that happening, can we?”

he abruptly halted his thrusts, pulling his fingers out of you with an embarrassing squelch and popping them into his mouth. pearly tears rolled down your cheeks as you grieved the loss of contact and relief.

your viewers looked on in horror, feeling immense sympathy for you; you just looked so dejected from being denied yet another orgasm.

“why didn’t you—why didn’t you let her cum?” bokuto asked.

“why do you think?” iwaizumi snapped. “don’t want you guys to see her when she does. that’s for me, and only me.”

“oh, okay,” he responded, disgruntlement clear in his voice.

iwaizumi’s glare could cut glass, it was so sharp. the possessiveness that had enveloped his mind made him hyperfocus on just one thought: being alone with you. “so, any other questions? if not, we’re done here.”

you pouted at that, not wanting the demonstration to be over. “but haji,” you mumbled into his collarbone. “i di’nt get to cum. and i wanna.” you looked up at him, eyes wide with want. “please make me cum.”

iwaizumi sent a harsh glance to the players that nonverbally communicated his message loud and clear: get out. they shuffled awkwardly out of the locker room due to the hardness between their legs that they would most definitely need to deal with soon.

your boyfriend turned his attention back to you. “’m sorry, i know i had to deny you a bunch of times. i just really hated the idea of anyone but me seeing the cute way you look when you cum.”

you made a small noise of acknowledgement and a little whisper of it’s okay, haji. he looked down, sensing the way your poor, desperate cunt was pulsing around nothing, the erotic sight injecting him with the pure need to ravage you.

he shifted his head to kiss you passionately. “why don’t i make it up to you?” he breathed between your parted lips before picking you up by the backs of your thighs, forcing you to lock your ankles around his waist. 

he delicately situated you onto one of the recovery beds at the back of the room, before murmuring something that made your pussy throb in anticipation: “i’ll make you cum whichever way you want, however many times you want, all right? all you gotta do is lay back and take it.”

© property of hornime 2021. do not plagiarize any of my writing and do not repost/copy my writing onto any other sites.

#kinky.inky #haikyū!! #haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu iwaizumi #iwaizumi smut #iwaizumi x reader #atsumu smut #hinata smut #bokuto smut #suna smut #sakusa smut #iwaizumi #sakusa #bokuto #hinata #suna #atsumu

[spencersawkward]

*concussions and confessions//spencer reid*

summary: a near-death experience encourages Spencer to admit his feelings for his best friend, even at the risk of ruining their relationship.

pairing: Fem!Reader/Spencer

content warnings: oh boy there’s a lot. i’ll start with the nonsexual ones-- choking (again, not sexual), blunt force, violence, some angst. ok time for the fun ones-- unprotected penetrative sex, masturbation, sex dream, oral (male receiving), slight dirty talk, creampie. lmk if there are more that i missed! 

word count: 5.4k

A/N: hi omg so i actually combined two requests for this bc i loved the concepts and i didn't wanna do one and not the other. i hope i do both of these justice hehe thanks for sending them! also sorry if the unsub scene sucks-- i don’t usually write that way, so i tried my best. 

request(s): omg if you need ideas for baby spence can you do a one shot where he's the girls best friend (she's not in the bau) and they are in love but neither of them admit it and he is really hurt in a case or almost dies or something traumatic and only when he gets back they confess their love... and then have sex 😏 ive been thinking about this concept alot 😌

can’t stop thinking about baby spencer (like s2-s4) & his girl best friend losing their virginity to each other... can you write a one shot on this please?

masterlist

"when are you coming back?" you ask over the line. you're lying on your bed, legs in the air while you talk to your best friend. it's been a long day for you, but a longer day for him. it's always a longer day for him. 

"you know that I don't know the answer to that question." Spencer's voice is soft as he attempts to keep quiet. he's two hours ahead and, despite the fact that you're both night owls, the person he's rooming with tonight isn't. 

"I know, but there's this Korean film festival that starts tomorrow and I was hoping you would be here to translate for me." you examine your nails while you talk. Spencer lets out a disappointed sigh. 

it's only been a few days since he left, but it's been a week since you last saw him and it feels like a long time. whenever he's not at work, you two are joined at the hip. ever since you first met a few years back at a poetry convention in DC, it feels like he's the only person who understands you. which is weird, because you couldn't be more different as individuals. 

"you should bring one of your other friends." 

"bold of you to assume I have other friends." you joke. Spencer chuckles to himself and your heart flutters. you love his laugh more than anything in the world. 

"I thought that was just me." he says. 

"oh, it is just you," you reply flatly. "I was trying to make you feel better."

you can practically feel Spencer smiling through the phone. although you tease him pretty frequently, he's sometimes able to get in his own shots. it's what makes your friendship interesting.

"hey," you add before he can say anything more. "how's the case going?" 

Spence starts to detail the whole thing, and you listen intently, the timbre and smoothness of his voice comforting you as you slip beneath the covers of your bed. you like the way he enunciates his words, his strange manner of speaking, because it lulls you to sleep. 

you know he's talking about horrible things, but something about the sound comforts you deeply. when he's not around, you're wishing you had it bottled up. 

he lays out their profile as it stands, and you fall silent. it's getting pretty late and you have to be up early for work tomorrow, so it would be a good idea to get some real rest. plus, Spencer needs to sleep, too-- even though he probably won't. 

you remember times when he'd call you at three in the morning, his mind whirring as he played chess against himself and asked if you wanted to hang out so he could teach you how. you hate chess, but of course you said yes; you'd been head over heels with him since your first conversation.

eventually, you feel yourself start to drift off. you don't even really know what he's saying; all of it blends together until you're laying there, one cheek pressed to the pillow and the receiver against the other. 

"Y/N?" he says your name abruptly and your eyes, which have been slowly drawing shut this whole time, fly open. 

"yeah?" 

"go to bed."

"what? no, I'll wait until you're done." you shift. 

"I could hear your breathing change." 

"then why didn't you just hang up?" you giggle. he goes silent for a moment and you wonder if he cut out, but then he responds. 

"I wanted to say goodnight." 

it's like a cage of butterflies is unleashed in your stomach. you wrinkle your nose as you get nervous. god, you miss him. things would be so much better if he was back. not like he'd be in your bed even if he was, though.  

"then say goodnight." you prod. he lets out an awkward little sound. 

"now I can't because you made it weird." 

"how did I make it weird?" 

"I don't know, you just did." he's so clumsy, your face heats up. you want to keep talking like this until morning.

"goodnight, Spence," the words sound reluctant, but you try to cover it up by teasing him further. "see, was that so bad?" 

"oh my god, Y/N--" he tries to sound exasperated. 

"no goodnight back?" you raise an eyebrow even though he can't see you right now.  

a lengthy silence again. "goodnight."

"that's what I thought." before he can protest, you end the call, settle into the covers. moonlight beams on the walls of your apartment, and you start to think about your best friend. about all the nights spent curled up on his couch with two bowls of popcorn, his ramblings about how much he loves his job and him asking about yours. 

he's a great listener. every time you talk, he nods along like he's hanging off every word. it's nice to feel heard that way, to have someone care. and he's fun to hang out with, too. you've met his team before and they all talk about how hard it is to get him to go out, but they don't see the same side of him that you do. 

Spencer is nerdy and cute and kind and sensitive. he makes you feel special. he's everything that you've ever wanted in a person. but it's not like it would matter, anyway. he hasn't really shown interest in any girls-- much less you. even if he did, you're scared of ruining the friendship. 

the fallout of not having him around at all... it would destroy you. and something, even if it's torturous, is better than nothing. 

which is why, as you sit there and remember being around him, your fingertips creep below the comforter. a familiar routine, they move over your stomach, until they reach the waistband of your panties. for a moment, you hesitate. it's wrong. he's your best friend. but he doesn't need to know that this is how you handle the ache he puts between your legs. 

as your index finger slides down your slit, you feel the wetness already forming. Spencer's hands, his mouth. the thought of his lips pressed to yours while he fucks you, holding your body like it's delicate. 

you don't know exactly how it would feel because you've never had sex, but you want to find out with him. he's never done it, either. you don't care; all you need is to have him inside of you, to see how he looks when he's on the edge. 

your mind wanders to the image of him parting your legs and rolling his eyes into the back of his head. the sensation of him filling you up. falling apart. 

you slide a finger inside, gasping at the way your walls tighten and your imagination runs wild. that tongue, lapping and making you squirm, your fingers twisted in his soft hair. he's so sweet; his attentiveness would make your legs shake. you want to look into his eyes while he does it. 

you add a second finger, curl them and brush over the most sensitive part. the pressure of his hips grinding into yours. your body curves up at the way you start to finger yourself, the other hand stimulating your clit. it's almost overwhelming, the way his name tumbles from your lips over and over. 

you've never wanted someone so badly in your life; he belongs in your bloodstream. the sounds he would make in your ear before finally cumming and collapsing on top of you, spent. you want to tire him out and then do it all over again. 

you're greedy on the edge, indulging in every single image of him you can conjure up, every dirty thing you'd say. finally, you feel yourself fall, the orgasm intense as you bite back groans of pleasure and work through the high. it's amazing. 

you sit there, panting, feeling your heart beat in your chest. some things can't leave your head, they're so sinful. and the worst part is that you don't regret it in the slightest. 

...

Spencer can feel his pulse practically leaping against his throat as he makes his way through the empty warehouse. he should have waited for backup; he knows he should have, but it's too late now to go back and change things. 

he clutches his gun, pointing it in front of him while his eyes flicker wildly across the space. he's moving between enormous aisles stuffed with crates, not knowing who else is around. they said the unsub brought his newest victim here-- Spencer came first because was closest to the site-- but he hears nothing aside from the uneven rhythm of his own breath. 

every step is careful. he's thinking about how close the rest of the team must be. based on their distance from the station, they should arrive within six minutes-- but that doesn't account for the time it takes to put on their bulletproof vests, to get to their cars. 

truthfully, he doesn't know if he's going to have to do this on his own. and that scares him the most. 

there's no point in worrying. he swallows the lump in his throat and presses his back to one of the crates. there's a scraping noise a ways off that causes him to freeze. because of the echoes of the warehouse, the origin is indiscernible. he doesn't breathe, eyes darting between each of the openings into the aisle. 

after a minute of pure silence, he peels himself away and turns to head back out. 

and that's when the sound of wood cracking against bone startles him; he hears it before he feels it, but it's obvious when he crumples to the floor. like knife points pressing into his brain at all angles, the shooting agony in his skull. 

he starts to clutch at his head, only to be yanked off the ground by a meaty hand and thrown against the side of a crate. 

"fucking feds." the guy is enormous. gargantuan. he keeps his arm across Reid's throat, pressing down enough to restrict his airway. but Spencer can't even concentrate on the guy's face further than its rough outlines. his vision is going in and out, fuzzy at the edges from the blow to his head. 

he definitely has a concussion. 

"I..." he trails off. the huge FBI logo on his vest is a dead giveaway. 

"all alone?" the unsub has breath like rotten fish, spits each word into his face. "I won't even need my gun." 

Spencer's head lolls to the side and he catches sight of his own weapon lying helplessly a few feet away. there's no way he could get to it in time, even if he got out of this guy's chokehold. 

he tries to think of a way to talk himself out of this; after all, their profile said he'd be more susceptible to negotiation, but that's kind of hard to do with someone's forearm slammed against your trachea. he presses harder and Spencer sees stars. his glasses hang almost off the bridge of his nose, centimeters from falling to the floor. 

he starts to realize that he's going to die, defenseless and alone, in a warehouse. at the hands of a man who kills women because his Viagra doesn't work. but this doesn't incite the kind of panic Spencer always predicted he'd feel. the lack of oxygen in his brain causes him to go delirious. 

he misses home. his mom and his old house, even though things were hard. he misses Y/N, his team members. he wishes his team was here; he should have waited for them. he should have told Y/N how he feels. now she's never going to know. 

Reid is so out of it, he doesn't even notice the pressure being relieved from his throat until he collapses on the ground. the unsub falls, too, his cheek smashed by the force of the abandoned wooden plank. 

it's hard to tell what's happening until Reid lifts his head to see Morgan standing above him, preparing to handcuff the criminal.

"kid," Spencer never thought he'd be so glad to hear his voice. "what happened?"

...

you practically crash into Spencer's apartment the next evening, flinging your body through the front door with your spare key. 

"Spence?" you call out from the entryway. everything still looks the same, but when his colleague, Penelope, called you today to tell you that Reid had gotten a concussion after a run-in with an unsub, you rushed here as soon as you could. 

"in here." he calls from his bedroom. you don't hesitate, your feet carrying you there. you've been anxious all day; he didn't call last night or even text like usual. you were on the verge of panicking when Penelope called. 

of course, you knew that was the risk with Spencer. he knew the risk, too. his life would always be in the balance when it came to the cases, but he'd gone through so many at this point, you weren't thinking about it. if you did, you wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. 

when you walk in, the first thing you see is Spencer laying in bed in his silk pjs. there's a stack of unread books on his bedside table. his glasses sit on top. he's just laying there with his eyes closed. 

"oh my god." you mutter, dropping your bag on the floor and walking over. he opens his eyes with a slight smile. there's a purple bruise forming across his throat, light but definitely there.  

"hi." 

"what the fuck happened?" you ask the question you've been wondering the whole way here. 

"he hit me with a plank." Spencer explains, the phrase coming out like he's still confused about it. "I'm fine, just a mild concussion and a bruise because he choked me." 

you take a second to assess if he actually means that he's okay, or if he's trying not to worry you. he stares at your expression for a second. 

"Y/N, I'm really fine." 

"you don't look fine." you gesture to the fact that he's laying in bed. 

"my body is sore, but nothing's wrong with me. I just can't look at screens or read." this last part makes him much more melancholy, it seems. you reach down and ruffle his hair playfully. 

"sounds like a nightmare." 

"it is." he cracks up. 

"I'm glad you're okay." you sigh. your heart rate has slowed to a reasonable pace now that you know he's fine. Spencer gives a ghost of a smile, and when he pats the empty spot on the bed beside him, you kick off your shoes and climb over his body to sit down. "so... did you guys get him?" 

"the unsub?" he turns his head to look at you. something is in his eyes that you can't read. "yeah, he's in custody. we saved the girl he abducted, too." 

"well, aren't you a hero?" you grin, pinching his arm. 

"ow!" he flinches. "don't hurt the patient."

"oh, so now you're injured?" you giggle softly. his smile fades a bit, gaze trailing from your face to your legs. it isn't lustful or anything, more like he's taking in your existence. it still makes your heart flutter. 

"I wasn't really a hero, anyway," he sighs. "I got knocked down before I even found her." 

"oof." you wince. 

"yeah, it's sort of embarrassing. I went in by myself and--"

"you went by yourself?" you clarify, turning to face him. of course he did. 

"yeah." he avoids your gaze. 

"Spencer, I work in a stationery shop and I know you're supposed to wait for backup." you deadpan. he snorts, staring straight ahead at the wall. his hair is flat in the back from where he's been resting it against the headboard. 

"he would have hurt her if I had waited." he explains. your heart softens a bit at this. you know Spencer has a problem with saving people; sometimes he doesn't think things through. but you know that it's only because he cares. 

you smile gently, appreciating what a beautiful person he is. you don't understand how other people don't see him how you do. your hand reaches for his suddenly, and you find yourself snuggling into his shoulder. 

Spencer doesn't usually like touch, but he welcomes this, dropping his own head to rest on top of yours while you both stare at the wall. his silence feels heavy, more than it usually does, and you wonder what he's thinking. 

"I'm really glad you're okay, Spencer." your tone is low, like it's a secret. 

"you already said that." 

"shut up." 

"you care about me." he sing-songs with a smile, and you know he means it in a friendly way, but you don't care. it brings warmth to your cheeks. 

"whatever. you care about me, too." 

he lets out a slight chuckle. "when I started to black out, I thought of you." 

your heart leaps, even though the reason is pretty dark. "oh, yeah?"

"mhmm." he hums. 

"nobody's ever told me that they thought of me in their last moments of life before." you tease. there are so many things you'd like to say, but know you can't. he smells like himself and coffee beans, his skin warm beneath the silk of his pajamas. 

"I'd hope not."

"anything in particular?" you wonder aloud. 

"what?" you feel him tense beneath you, and that's how you know there's something he's not telling you. 

"were you thinking about anything in particular?" 

"someone's full of themselves." he jokes. you smack his arm.  

"humor me." more than anything, you want to hear his thoughts. you know you're reaching, but you don't care. 

"just..." he pauses, the next words coming out almost too quietly to hear. "things I never got to say to you." 

"like?" now you're intrigued. 

"no way." he laughs and you groan, turning and realizing that you've both sunk deeper onto the bed and are now practically lying down. 

"c'mon," you prod. you've flipped onto your side while you watch him, his eyes directed at the ceiling. "what if you'd actually died?" 

Spencer gives you a look, and you wish you could snap a picture of his face. the gentle features, the warmth in his eyes. he stares at you differently than before, and it makes your stomach flip again. "I, um." 

you start to trace your index absently down his forearm, where his sleeve has incidentally gotten rolled up. his skin is soft. you know that this isn't a friendly thing to do, but something inside you craves his touch right now. you almost lost him; you can't imagine how horrible that would be. 

"I wanted to say that I--" he gulps, muscles in his shoulder tight beneath your cheek. "well, I care about you, and I... I really love you." 

it's not the first time he's said it, obviously in a platonic sense. what affects you is that he's acting like it's a big deal. 

"I love you too, Spence." you smile softly. his chest rises and falls faster, his face tensed. 

"no, I mean--" he turns onto his side, using the action to distract from his own nervousness. he holds your gaze and you forget how to breathe as he speaks. every syllable is serious, but you note his fingers fidgeting at his side. "I'm in love with you." 

it's like all the air in the room has been sucked out. you swallow, unsure of how to react at first. you don't believe what you're hearing, simply because it doesn't make sense. you've been friends for a while, now, but Spencer has never made a move to ask you out or acted like he wanted anything more. 

your heart swells. 

"you're in love with me?" the words even feel surreal on your tongue. he takes it as rejection.

"I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry." Spencer rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, his expression turning to a cringe. he's about to sit up to hide the red in his cheeks, but you pull him back down by the shoulder. 

"not so fast, crazy boy." the corners of your mouth are turning up into a grin. you can't help it; every nerve in your body is alive. Spencer loves you. he feels the same way. 

when he sinks back down onto the mattress and sighs, preparing to say something that rescinds the statement to erase any awkwardness, you grab his face and turn it to yours. you don't kiss him, only force him to look. 

"I'm in love with you, too." 

his eyebrows fly up in surprise. "r-really?"

"yes." you nod. 

he takes a second to process this. you see about five different expressions pass over his face, each one reminding you of how earnest he is. and it's absolutely adorable. 

"well, that's good, isn't it?" he clarifies. you pretend to think on it. 

"I'd say so, yeah." 

he smiles. a genuine, rare one that makes your veins feel as if they're full of glitter. you're on Cloud 9. 

"can I kiss you?" you ask him quietly. he seems surprised at this, too, like he never thought you'd want that, but then nods eagerly. 

you close the gap between you on the bed, holding his jaw in one hand while the other rests on his forearm. your lips meet softly at first. he's cautious, scared of pushing you away. he hasn't kissed many people before. but he's good at it, letting you take the lead. 

there's no way to adequately describe kissing Spencer. every bone in your body turns to mush, immediately craving more contact. you slide your tongue across his full bottom lip, and he lets you in. his affection is the most loved you've ever felt. because sure, you haven't had sex, but you've kissed people before. 

never like this. 

one of his hands goes up to wrap around your forearm tenderly before he shifts to lie on his side. you wrap around each other, turning the kiss into a full-body embrace as you breathe in. you want more. your leg swings over his torso so you can pull yourself closer, and he groans into your mouth when your pelvis presses against his. 

the kiss gets more heated, his hands carefully but hungrily traveling down the curve of your waist. you flip so that you're straddling him without breaking any contact. 

you don't really think about the way your hips begin to rock against his, your pussy involuntarily working for friction. there are so many happy chemicals in your brain right now, you giggle against his mouth when his body bucks up into yours. he groans. 

"Y/N..." he breathes softly. his hands move from your waist to your thighs, afraid to dig his fingertips in. 

"what?" you sigh, licking over his bottom lip again. he moans at the way you keep grinding on his erection. 

"I wanna--" his eyelashes flutter when he gasps. "I wanna touch you." 

"do it." your palm is resting tenderly against his cheek. he responds by finally holding you down, sliding his body up a bit to grind against your center. you whine. "touch whatever you want, Spencer." 

his cock twitches in his pants and you push the hem of his shirt up while he uses one hand to massage your tits. the voracious, curious nature of his attention makes you sigh, touching his stomach. he feels perfect beneath you. 

soon you're grabbing at each other without any regard for grace. he's so horny, he's pawing at whatever he can while you do the same to him. the kissing gives way to straight panting while you look at each other. 

"can I suck your dick?" you whisper. Spencer's eyes widen. you've never seen him nod so fast. 

you press your mouth to his one more time before inching down his body, sucking on his clavicle, then his stomach. careful to avoid the purple marks on his neck. he watches you intently, memorizing the details of this moment for later. when you reach the waistband of his pants, you peek up. he strains against the material. 

your mouth drops open and you draw your tongue over the clothed bulge, maintaining eye contact. Spencer throws his head back. his voice is high. "oh my god, oh my god." 

you smirk, licking it again. he clenches his jaw. "I'm gonna c-cum if you don't--" he tries for words, but he's mewling and moving against your mouth. you pull at his pants, hooking your fingers in his boxers and bringing them down, too. 

Spencer bucks into the air when his cock hits his stomach. it's big, precum leaking helplessly out of the tip while he whines. you want him now. 

"wow." you smile. he stares at you, tensing his stomach as you wrap your hand around his length. he's trying to keep quiet, but as soon as you spit on it and start to pump him, his head falls back into the pillow. 

you draw your tongue up the underside, paying special attention to the veins, reveling in his reactions. he looks like he's ascending to heaven when you start to suck on the first couple inches.  

"o-oh, fuck..." he keeps moving his hips off the bed for more, so you sink down further onto him, hollowing your cheeks and moaning. "Y/N..." 

you groan in response, feeling yourself get wetter with every sound he makes. you can't believe this is happening, the way he threads his fingers loosely through your hair in an attempt to touch more of you.

he tries to keep his eyes open while you suck, but they squint with pleasure. he's a mess for you, shuddering gently when you take nearly all of him into your mouth. 

before he can cum, you pull your mouth off of him with a satisfying pop. Spencer moans. 

"was that okay?" you ask carefully. this is the extent of your sexual experience, and you want to do more with him, but you aren't sure how he feels. your best friend stares back at you like you've turned his world upside down. 

"y-yeah," he replies. his face is flushed. "definitely okay."

he's throbbing, occasionally twitching against his stomach as he waits for more stimulation. you eye him carefully. 

"what do you feel comfortable doing?" your voice is smooth. "we can stop now, if you'd like." 

"I--" he chokes on the word. "I don't wanna stop." 

"do you want to have sex?" you ask. Spencer bites his lip, whines. 

"mhmm." 

"I wanna do that, too," you breathe out, straightening up and pulling your shirt over your head, unclasping your bra, before getting to work on your shorts. you know you're practically dripping. he's been more vocal, but you feel like you're going to implode from the desire. "but I need to tell you something." 

"what?" he tugs your arm, coaxing you back to him and touching you greedily. you giggle as you kick your shorts and panties off somewhere in the room. both of you move like awkward teenagers. 

"I'm a virgin." you say. 

Spencer frowns. "really?" 

"yeah," you lick your lips. "so you need to be careful." 

"o-of course." he blushes, getting nervous again. "you know I'm a virgin too, right?"

"I know." you smile. he returns it sweetly, and the commotion of your bodies slows for a moment. you're so happy, you could cry. 

"what?" he breaks the comfortable silence. 

"I'm excited," you shrug. he's got his hands on your waist, rubbing his fingertips over your skin. then you remember something. "wait, are you allowed to have sex with your... injury?" 

"it's fine." he reaches up and kisses your throat with an urgency. 

"did the doctor say that?" your eyes roll while he sucks on your neck. he groans and pulls down on your waist so that your stomach presses against his cock. he ruts. 

"second opinion from me." he pants. you tap his cheek playfully, move up his body until your core brushes him. he whimpers when you reach between your bodies and grip his length in your hands. 

"you ready?" your voice is low. Spencer squeezes your thighs, eyes moving between your tits and your face. 

"yes." he sighs. you position it, slicking him in your pussy while he wraps an arm around your waist and moans for more. your chests are pressed together, looking into each other's eyes while you slide him into you. 

you have to go slow, the intrusion causing your jaw to drop. you don't breathe. he's got his eyes rolled into the back of his head.  

"Spencer." you whimper, dropping your head onto his chest when he's fully inside of you. his fingers rub patiently over your back. 

"are you okay?" his voice is laced with a moan, trying to resist thrusting. 

"yeah, just a second." you wiggle a little bit to test the boundaries. it hurts, but it also feels good. your clit is begging for more pressure, so you start to roll your hips. Reid moans loudly. 

"Y/N..." he whimpers. "don't stop." 

"you want more?" the need in his voice makes you hornier, and you increase the pace, despite the slight pain. you're so wet, he slides in and out without much effort. 

"so-- much more." he's gasping, hands on your thighs as he watches your naked body writhe on top of him. he's never been more aroused in his life, spurred on by your scent and form and the tightness that keeps clenching around his cock.

he understands why people love sex so much, now. he wants it every day, wants to fuck you in every position and pleasure you. the sounds you release in his ear, whines and praises, he would do anything for more. walk to the ends of the earth to feel you cum on his cock. 

his hand finds your ass, squeezes it. 

"this feel good, Spence? fucking your best friend?" you talk dirty and he twitches. you're always so sweet, the words coming out of your mouth for him are going to send the genius into a tailspin. 

"mhmm," he holds you down so that he can thrust up. speaking at all is a struggle with the way he's feeling. "perfect." 

you start to say something else, but he hits a certain angle and you let out a quiet yelp, hips jumping at the pleasure. "I'm gonna cum." 

Spencer gets a rush of relief because it's taking everything in him right now not to absolutely lose it inside your pussy. he's hanging on by a thread. "me, too." 

you use your position on top to stimulate yourself. both of you chase your orgasms roughly, the rhythm you created degenerating into clawing excitement. 

"cum inside me, Spencer." you beg him. it sounds like you would do anything to feel it, that sensation that you've never experience but have always imagined. and Spencer, his own head foggy with ecstasy, nods and opens his mouth to let out a loud groan. 

"Y/N, fuck fuck fuck-- I'm--" he shoots his load inside of you, rutting wildly and letting his head drop onto the pillow while he pants. you can feel it. strange, lovely jolts of his seed spreading. your hands, which have been resting on his shoulders, tighten and you reach your climax. you flutter around him, both of you still moving to ease the intensity of the high. 

it's remarkable. you're crying out, having the most mind-blowing orgasm of your life. you never thought your first time would be like this. but you're glad it is, muscles tightening and releasing with the mixture of emotions. 

you collapse fully, him still inside. 

neither of you speaks. his heartbeat thuds against your ear, and you hold onto him like letting go would be the end of the world. you can't believe you could have lost him. you don't want to think about it. 

"sorry I came so fast." Spencer apologizes breathlessly. you can feel his cum dripping down your entrance when he slides out. 

"I don't care." you mumble. both of you stay there for a while, his heartbeat changing to a pace that reminds you of genuine excitement. like a hummingbird. 

"we can try again, sometime." he offers. you lift your head to rest your chin on his chest. his skin is flushed, pupils dilated, hair messy. such a pretty boy. 

"we should try multiple times." 

he gives you a cheerful smile, and everything starts to fall into place. you took each other's virginity. "Y/N?" 

he likes to say your name, and you love to hear it. "yes?" 

"are we dating?" the bluntness of the question makes you giggle. you don't hesitate. 

"yeah." 

“good.”

taglist (lmk if you wanna be added/removed!): @reidsconverse @voidsfilm @xoxomgg​ 

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #baby spence #mgg #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fic #spencer reid blurb #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #matthew gray gubler