#it's not like we're talking anyway and i literally have my earbuds in

[honeymark]

𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 | 이동혁

Every relationship comes with a story. This is ours.

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝟎𝟓 ; in which you & Haechan tell your respective sides of your love story.

# 𝑫𝑼𝑹𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵 :: 17 minutes (~3.3k words)

# 𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺 :: dark thoughts, insecurities

『 The video opens with a shot of Haechan walking into the studio and holding the door open for Y/N. As she walks into the studio, Haechan takes her hand and leads her to the set. The set is white, with two white chairs seated across from each other, a white table, a set of white earbuds, and a set of white noise-cancelling headphones. Haechan takes a seat in the chair to the right, while Y/N sits in the chair across from him. 』

“Can you introduce yourselves?”

Y/N: “Hi, my name is Y/N, I’m 23 years old, and I'm a grad student studying social work.”

Haechan: “I’m Haechan, also 23 years old, and I make music.”

“How long have you been together?”

Y/N: “For almost 8 years now.”

Haechan: “And we’ve been engaged for 1.” (smiles)

“How did the two of you meet?”

Y/N: “We met our first year of high school, right?”

Haechan: (nods) “In the storage room on the 3rd floor.” (smiles) “Y/N was the class president, and I was the crazy delinquent that always caused her trouble.”

Y/N: (chuckles lightly, then shakes her head) “Stop telling everyone you were a delinquent. Someone’s gonna make up a weird rumor or something. The most you did was show up late to class.” 

『 Haechan shrugs. 』

“What was your first impression of each other?”

『 The video cuts to Haechan putting in the earbuds, then sliding the noise-cancelling headphones on over his ears. 』

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “My first impression of Donghyuck...was that he broke a lot of rules.” (chuckles) “Back then, our high school had a really strict dress code; we had to wear our uniforms a certain way, and we weren’t allowed to wear makeup or dye our hair or get any piercings or use any accessories...but he never wore his uniform properly. He got his ears pierced, and he was always dyeing his hair different colors. Red, brown, blonde, silver...doing all of that left a bad impression on the teachers, but he didn’t care, and that was something I really didn’t understand. I also didn’t understand why he showed up late to class every day, or why he disappeared during lunch, or why he never stayed after to help with clean up duty. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about him.” (pauses) “But I can confidently say that I know him the best, now.” (smiles) “The reality is that Donghyuck is the kindest, funniest, most hardworking and considerate person that I know. I wish I knew that about him sooner.”

『 The video cuts to Y/N putting in the earbuds, then sliding the noise-cancelling headphones on over her ears. 』

《 HIS SIDE 》

Haechan: “Y/N was...like an earthquake. Literally.” (smiles, softly) “Other than the fact that she was our class president, I didn’t know anything about her. We never talked in class, which, like, why would she talk to someone like me in the first place, you know? Like, we're a walking juxtaposition. But anyways, the first time I ever met Y/N was in the storage room on the 3rd floor of our main school building. It wasn’t being used anymore, so it ended up becoming my napping place during our lunch break. I didn’t think anyone else knew about it...so I almost screamed when I woke up to Y/N shaking my shoulders.” (chuckles) “I thought I was in serious trouble, but she didn’t seem fazed at all when I woke up. She just...she said that class had started...and then walked out. Nothing else.” (laughs) “She changed my world after that. Completely.”

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Haechan: “What’d you think of me?”

Y/N: “You were an enigma.”

Haechan: (smiles) “How so?”

Y/N: (shrugs) “You just...went out of your way to break the rules, even though you knew it left a bad impression on everyone. I didn’t get why you did those things. Well, I do know, but back then, I didn’t.”

Haechan: “Did it leave a bad impression on you, too?”

Y/N: “No, the opposite, to be honest. I thought you were fascinating.” (smiles) “What did you think about me?”

Haechan: “I thought you were an angel.” (chuckles) 

Y/N: “You did? But you keep telling everyone that you thought you were in an earthquake when we first met.”

Haechan: (laughs) “Because it’s true! You don’t know how scared I was when you woke me up!”

Y/N: “Then why’d you think I was an angel?”

Haechan: “Because you’re that beautiful.”

『 The entire studio falls silent. Y/N stares at Haechan, then turns to the PD. 』

Y/N: “Next question, please.”

『 Haechan laughs. 』

“How did you become friends?”

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “On that particular day, when we met for the first time, our teacher had asked me to look for something in one of the unused storage rooms, but the only thing I’d found was Donghyuck taking a nap in the corner. I didn’t think much of it; I just thought that he was tired. I got what I needed and headed back to class, but even after class had started, he still wasn’t back. I thought that he might’ve been asleep, so I went back to wake him up then returned to class.”

Y/N: “I guess he must’ve been really alarmed when I woke him up because he came up to me after class that day, which I thought was weird since he usually didn’t stay around after classes finished. He asked me to keep it a secret ㅡ the fact that he took naps during our lunch break. I didn’t really know why it was a big deal, but I knew it was probably an important secret to keep, so I didn’t tell anyone about it. I just continued waking him up after our lunch break was over.”

Y/N: “One day, when I went back to wake him up, he was already awake. I was going to go back to class, but we ended up talking for a little bit, instead. It wasn’t a real conversation or anything ㅡ it was more like small talk ㅡ but then that became a regular thing. Instead of coming to wake him up, I’d meet him in the storage room, and we’d eat lunch together. Sometimes he’d take a nap afterwards, but I’d just study and then wake him up whenever class was about to start.” (smiles) “It became our little rendezvous.”

《 HIS SIDE 》

Haechan: “I...don’t really know. It just kind of...happened. Ever since she found me in the storage room that day, she’d come by right before our break ended to wake me up. We wouldn’t even really say anything to each other, she’d just come in, shake me awake, tell me that class was starting, then leave. Like, every day.” (laughs) “I guess my body got used to it, because I’d start waking up before she’d even stop by. One time, I was already wide awake by the time she came back, so we just...talked a little bit. I asked her how she was, she said she was good, and that was pretty much it.” (smiles) “It became a regular thing. She started coming earlier and earlier, and eventually we’d just spend the entire lunch break together.” 

Haechan: “She was completely different than how I’d imagined her to be. I expected her to be really boring and straight-laced, since she was our class president, but she wasn’t. At all. She asked me so many questions, almost in a childish way. She asked if my piercings hurt and what color I was going to dye my hair next and why I wore such uncomfortable-looking shoes.” (chuckles) “It was...nice. She didn’t treat me like some sort of problem child, and she didn’t judge me, even though I was so different from her. She listened to me and respected my decisions and even brought an extra lunch for me, since I didn’t have one to bring with me. She was the first person in our entire high school to treat me like a regular human being.”

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Haechan: “What made you keep coming back to the storage room after that day?”

Y/N: (shrugs) “You always showed up late to class after our lunch break, and I kind of figured that it was because you were oversleeping, so I felt like I needed to go back and wake you up.”

Haechan: (claps) “Wow, as expected of our class president. What an admirable sense of responsibility.”

Y/N: (smiles) “Of course I took that responsibility seriously. It gave me a reason to see you.”

Haechan: (gasps, exaggeratedly) “You had a crush on me? Oh my god! You had a crush on me!”

Y/N: “We’re literally engaged, Hyuck.”

Haechan: “Still, though! How embarrassiㅡ”

Y/N: “Next question, please.”

『 Laughter can be heard around the studio. 』

“When did you know that you’d fallen for your partner?”

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “I didn’t realize my feelings for him until after he stopped talking to me altogether. He didn’t look at me when I greeted him that morning, and he didn’t show up to the storage room, either. It was like I didn’t exist in his world anymore. He just...stopped acknowledging me.” (pauses) “You know, I’m socially aware enough to know not to talk to someone if they stop talking to me first, but there was just something about the whole situation that felt...off. Maybe it was how heartbroken I felt, or maybe it was how heartbroken he looked whenever he ignored me. Either way...I knew that I couldn’t just leave things as they were. I think that’s when I really realized that I’d fallen for him. I wouldn’t have felt so compelled to run after him if I hadn’t fallen for him, right?”

Y/N: “As the class president, I had the privilege of reading the school announcements in front of the entire class in the mornings. So I ㅡ (chuckles) ㅡ I basically brought the class together just to say, ‘Lee Donghyuck, if you don’t come to ‘The Room’ today, I’m going to be mad at you. Personally mad at you.’ And...he showed up.” (smiles) “Looking back on it now, I shouldn’t have put him on the spot like that, but I...wanted things to be okay again.” (pauses) “So we talked about it, cleared up some misunderstandings, said too many embarrassing things...and we’ve been inseparable since then.”

《 HIS SIDE 》

Haechan: “I think I always knew, as cringy as that sounds.” (smiles) “Back then...I was going through a lot. A lot of things happened with the family business, and it ended up falling through, so I ended up having to step up and help support my family.” (pauses) “It took a lot out of me. I was only 15. I was just entering high school. And I already knew that the teachers didn’t like me and that most of my classmates were afraid of talking to me. I mean, I couldn’t blame them, though. My part-time job started after school, so I had to leave right after classes ended. And I’d always have to take my younger siblings to their school, so I usually ended up being late to class.” (pauses, again) “Well, it doesn’t matter what my excuses were; I was never someone who followed the rules. I always wanted to stand out somehow, and I guess the teenage-Donghyuck thought that going against the grain was the best way to get that attention.”

Haechan: “But Y/N saw past all of that. At first, it was...scary. I knew that I liked her, but I also knew that being with her would be bad for her reputation, so I tried to distance myself from her. I ignored her at school, I stopped going to the storage room, I didn’t answer her texts...but no matter how hard I tried to distance myself from her, she always found a way back into my heart.” (pauses) “She said that she didn’t care about what other people thought and only cared about being with me. She asked me not to push her away anymore...so I stopped. Because I knew that I’d completely fallen for her, and that she was going to find some way to end up right by my side, right where I wanted her to be all along.”

『 Haechan smiles, then holds up his left hand. On the fourth finger sits a platinum band. 』

Haechan: “And now she’s going to be by my side forever. Kind of cool, right?”

『 Y/N glances at his elevated hand, then holds up hers as well. On her fourth finger sits a thin platinum band with a beautiful round diamond in the middle. An “aw!” can be heard off-camera. 』

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Haechan: “Wasn’t it troubling for you?”

Y/N: “Hm? What do you mean?”

Haechan: “I’m sure that the teachers started to, you know, treat you differently after we started going out.”

Y/N: (shrugs) “They said some really annoying things at first, but my grades didn’t change ㅡ actually, mine stayed the same, yours improved ㅡ so they stopped mentioning it to me.”

Haechan: “But you heard what everyone said about us, right?”

Y/N: “No? What’d they say?”

Haechan: “That I was bullying you into dating me.”

Y/N: “...People actually said that? How’d you know?”

Haechan: “How could you not know? They’d whisper to each other whenever we’d walk by.”

Y/N: (shrugs, again) “I was too focused on you to notice.”

『 Haechan pauses, then buries his face into his hands and lets out a short, high-pitched squeal before looking back up. 』

Haechan: “How’re you able to say something like that with such a straight face?”

Y/N: “Huh?”

『 Laughter can be heard from behind the camera. Haechan smiles, then shakes his head. 』

Haechan: “Nothing, baby. Please don’t ever change, Y/N.”

Y/N: “O-Okay, I’ll try not to.”

“What’s it been like watching your partner grow up?”

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “Watching him grow ㅡ and also growing with him ㅡ has been so fun. He’s found the means to pursue what he really loves doing, and watching that side of him grow more and more present has been really rewarding and inspiring. He’s still a troublemaker, and sometimes he drives me crazy, but the way he approaches new challenges and navigates his problems and reaches out to other people for help is so...mature. Thinking about it even now makes me feel so proud...but it also makes me realize how far he’s come. And while I’m so, so happy for him...there’ve been a lot of moments where I had to stop myself from thinking really bad thoughts. Things like, ‘I don’t deserve to be by his side’ or ‘Maybe he’d be happier without me’...I thought about those things a lot. And it didn’t help that I was going through a slump, at the time.” 

Y/N: “Unlike Donghyuck, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I did well in school, not because I liked school, but because my parents wanted me to do well. I didn’t have any hobbies, I didn’t have any goals, I didn’t even really have any strong likes or dislikes. I just...this sounds really bad, but I felt like a waste of space. So that, in combination with all of the other insecurities I was feeling, made me feel really scared. I felt like I was being left behind.” (pauses) “But things have gotten better. I’ve switched to a major that I really like, I have a plan for the future, and I’m even engaged now.” (smiles) “I’m confident that things will turn out okay.”

《 HIS SIDE 》

Haechan: “It’s been...crazy, to be completely honest.” (pauses) “I always knew that Y/N would succeed in whatever she wanted to do. Like, there was no space in my mind where I ever doubted that. And I guess it led to...some type of inferiority complex, I guess.” (sighs) “I know that she would never compare me to other people, but I compared myself to others all the time, and I think that insecurity started getting the better of me. I was scared, honestly. I wasn’t in college, I was barely making enough money to pay for my half of our rent, I was literally just making music out of our room all day. I wasn’t like the guys in her department. I couldn’t provide for her or take her anywhere nice. I just...” (sighs, again) “Her loving me meant everything to me. I didn’t need anything else, I just needed her. But the longer we were together, the less confident I felt about whether or not she felt the same way.”

Haechan: “Luckily, things got better after I signed with my agency and started making actual money. I didn’t feel as insecure or jealous about her guy friends, I wasn’t as scared of her leaving me...things became okay again, and I think it’s because I started learning to acknowledge myself first.” (smiles) 

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Y/N: “You’ve changed a lot since we were kids.”

Haechan: (smiles) “I hope that’s a good thing.”

Y/N: (nods) “It is. Even just looking at you like this reminds me of how much of a grown-up you’ve become.”

Haechan: “It’s not just me, though. You’ve changed ㅡ well, I think ‘evolved’ is a better word.”

Y/N: “Like a Pokémon?”

Haechan: (laughs) “Yeah, like a Pokémon.” (smiles) “I feel like you’re more confident in your identity now.”

Y/N: (nods) “I think so too. I at least feel like I have some sort of purpose now.”

Haechan: “I haven’t mentioned this to you before, but I think it’s really cool that we’ve gotten to grow together. Because it’s not just you-doing-you and me-doing-me, we’ve grown a lot just by being together.”

Y/N: (smiles) “I think so too. Sometimes it really felt like we only had each other, and I think being able to rely on each other like that really helped us mature into who we are right now.”

Haechan: “It’s not something that’s going to stop, either. You promised you’d stay with me for the rest of my life, remember?”

Y/N: (laughs) “I do remember. Please continue to take care of me.”

Haechan: (laughs) “Likewise.”

“What’s something that you want to say to your partner?”

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “Lee Donghyuck. Haechan. My full sun. I...don’t even know where to start.” (chuckles, softly) “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I know that sometimes you worry about what other people think of our relationship, but just knowing that you love me already means more than enough to me.” (smiles) “When we first met, I felt like...I felt like nothing. I felt like a waste of space. But meeting you...my everything changed after meeting you. It’s like...my world became so colorful and beautiful after meeting you. And I can’t thank you enough for that.”

『 Y/N opens her mouth to speak again, but tightens her lips together before using her sleeves to wipe away at the tears flowing down her cheeks. Haechan scoots his chair closer to hers, then reaches over to take her hand in his. He offers a soft but comforting smile, which Y/N returns. 』

Y/N: “Thank you for loving me, Lee Donghyuck. Thank you for supporting me through my toughest days and for listening to my silly stories and for teaching me how to love the worst parts of myself. I love you. More than you’ll ever know.”

《 HIS SIDE 》

『 Haechan takes a moment to watch Y/N as she scrolls through her phone to choose a song. Y/N, realizing that Haechan is watching her, looks up. She sets her phone on top of the table and reaches out to hold his hand. Haechan smiles. 』

Haechan: “Y/N, I don’t think meeting you was a simple coincidence. You came into my life when I needed you the most, and you’ve changed my life in ways that I didn’t know were even possible for someone like me. To you, I must’ve been the biggest loser, but you saw past all of the ugly parts of my personality and accepted me for who I am. That meant everything to the me from back then. It still means everything to me, even now. The fact that you’ve continued to love me and somehow accepted my proposal...it means everything. I love you. I will make you happy for the rest of our lives.”

『 The interview ends. Y/N stands up first and helps Haechan out of his chair. Haechan pulls Y/N into a hug and nuzzles his face into the crook of Y/N’s neck. Y/N smiles softly and runs her fingers through his hair as she whispers something into his ear. The two share a sweet kiss before pulling away and bowing to the staff. They step off-camera and exit the studio. The video fades to black. 』

#haechan imagines #haechan x reader #haechan fluff #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct reactions #nct fluff #nct dream fluff

[aprillikesthings]

I lead part of EfM thing today (see earlier posts) and it went well ahhhhh thank God

and I've made my lunches for the next week!

and I'm munching on a salad

and all day I was looking forward to this, the moment I can (re)watch MORE SHE-RA

I've barely worked on my longer fic this weekend (other than copy/pasting a bunch of things Nate said after the show ended into the notes section of the doc) and tbh rewatching the ACTUAL SHOW is hella distracting bc with twenty eps left we're going to start getting into more of the really high-stakes stuff

Also, true story: I originally watched, like, the second half of season 4 and all of season 5 in two days of marathoning with Daci. So quite frankly? The last, like, third of the show is just kind of a blur to me now.

SO LET'S GO

s4 ep7 Mer-Mysteries

A mission in Dryl went badly, they've figured out someone's telling the Horde what they're doing, they're not tracking Adora because she wasn't even there--

YES

plz enjoy Sea Hawk's faces

Bow's sudden nervousness reminds me of when I was in line at the TSA in Dulles airport and was weirdly nervous. I had no reason to be nervous. AND YET. I'm usually totally fine at TSA? But the people at Dulles were scary!!!

(I was way less nervous coming back from Iceland, despite knowing I had Kinder Surprise Eggs in my suitcase. Which are actually illegal to bring into the USA. You can buy "Kinder Joy Eggs" in the USA, which do not have the toy, but the ones with the toys are against the law! Anyway I bought them for Daci. I was only nervous for a split second at customs in the USA bc they asked me what I'd brought home from Iceland and I was like...wool yarn. books. sweets (I'd also bought licorice and chocolate). But he just waved me through. WHEW.)

she's still big mad about this lolol

BUT she's right a spy IS the only thing that makes sense (but also the audience knows shit they don't)

Pearl?? A Pearl who knows too much?????

c'mon I had to

lolol they lampshaded the way lightning keeps striking when Mermista says something

to be fair she IS the most recent addition and the one they know the least

oh hey I also write everything in purple (or lavender) ink

lol

oh, shut up

well not this episode, specifically

LOLLLLL

honestly this is a lot like the DnD episode

so on the one hand, I know Flutterina is doing this to make them fight, but on the other hand Glimmer is right; on the other OTHER hand, I also would prefer a warning before being forced to see my abusive parent having free range of the castle I live in

BAHAHAHA I read Nate saying these two were interrupted on a date night, but also plz notice the colors of the flowers, it's literally most of the lesbian pride flag, they were SO unsubtle

The Ken from Plumeria is talking to the pastry chef from Dryl with the super cute outfit, and she looks bashful for a second after this screenshot; I am now shipping this and no one can stop me

speaking of ships (yes I know this isn't meant to be shippy lol)

a youtube video titled "it's raining on your window and you live in Bright Moon Castle ASMR for sleep 4 hours"

(....I'd listen to that)

(On a related note, mynoise dot net has a bunch of rain sounds on the website, and it also has an app--it's seriously the BEST website/app for ambient sounds because they're so adjustable and never repeat, and I just want everyone to know about them. The rain and ocean sounds are great on earbuds to cover up snoring so you can sleep!!! Worked better than my fancy earplugs while I was on the Camino and sleeping in all those hostels)

And back to the cartoon, where there's obviously suspicious shit happening because people seem to be in two places at once and their communications thing got shattered

oh so her name IS just The General

Flutterina (aka Double Trouble) has got to be like "oh my god wtf is up with this dude I cannot handle this bullshit"

Once again Glimmer proves that her and Catra are actually very, very alike

BUSTED

OOHHHHH they set up a trap I forgot, this is amazing

Adora: "we created a diversion :)" Glimmer: "You were a really good actress. For once."

pfft

Anyway Double Trouble is confessing the whole plan

:(

poor Mermista :(

there's a creepy-ass moment of seeing part of Horde Prime's face as he smiles, roll credits

#april rewatches spop #mer-mysteries

[wanderingrain]

Blogging through Till the World Ends Episode 10 Finale

Oh. Oh somehow that's so much worse than just killing him.

Wow this is so much worse than I imagined.

Oh he's about to pull an UWMA

Once again, there's supposed to be a warning for this sort of thing. It's a really great youtube feature.

So no one's gonna take a shower before we go?

Instead of hurrying to the bunker, let's argue about whether or not to just leave you here to die.

I'm sorry but this scene is way too long.

So we've taken showers but we're still not leaving I see. Ya'll are really not that bothered about getting to the bunker.

"We won't make it anyway." ...... I knew that most likely we were all dying in the end but somehow I'm still mad about it. Lol

"I've loved you since the first day I saw you." Sir that is the complete opposite of the truth. You whacked this boy in the head with a guitar! I haven't forgotten! It was the best thing that I've ever seen on tv!

Not these two crying at each other.

Not the awkwardness oh geez. I hope one of you has lube in your pocket.

Why're you acting hard to get when you're literally going to die in an hour? Might as well just do whatever at this point.

Why are you still so shocked about the dead people? You know what actually it probably isn't really something you can get used to in a week.

Yeah this seems like a great time to seperate when the WORLD IS GONNA END ANY MINUTE

Oh geez not a baby in the last ten minutes.

Did they just.... make a....

What is happening? Show you have fully lost me again who is this mysterious woman and her fake baby?

What was the whole point of that??? Lol The baby may be named Gus now but it's also gonna die??? Well at least I'm laughing now

!!!!!!

I have thrown my earbuds down. Ya'll have the audacity to give me an "everybody dies" ending AND THEN YOU SAY IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no words.

I take that back I do have words. Somehow you have taken another one of my most hated tropes, (The thing you just watched/read didn't actually happen so whatever time you put into consuming this media is pointless. Looking at you Life of Pi) and you've made me happy about it. I guess that's what happens when you pit two of my most hated tropes against each other. One of them has to win.

Before all of that happened, I'd been planning on talking about how the actor who plays Golf looks at Art the same way that Zee looks at Nunew. I don't know how to describe it, like an overwhelming fondness. All of the main characters were really so good and I really did like this show despite complaining about it. It's really all in good fun.

I never thought I'd say this about anything ever, but I'm glad they insinuated that it was mostly a dream in the end. It allows for the people who like the ending the way it is to dismiss it because it was such a short clip. But it also allows people who don't like it to imagine their own way it could have worked out. I could see this show having really great fanfiction if it ever got big enough. Hold on lemme-

Oh hey there is one.

Uhh anyway. Don't hit people in the head with guitars I guess?

#Till the World Ends #Episode 10 #I still think Golf whacking Art with the guitar was peak comedy #I don't know if anything could ever top it to be honest #Imagine being so brave as to let your main character do that #and then still insist that he's a good person #brilliant #WanderingRain

[sweetteaswift]

.

#idk what's going on but i'm not doing too hot #but like i'm Not Upset and Nothing Is Wrong i'm just overwhelmed by my own brain and my own feelings #idk #i should go to bed but i don't want to hang up w nicole #it's not like we're talking anyway and i literally have my earbuds in #but still #i'm just #i don't know #same feelings from last night and earlier today i just don't know #why does my brain do thisssssss #why can we not just be chill and calm and okay #why do we have to go so fast #why do we have to feel things so deeply and thoroughly and completely #and so Soon #it's scary #okay it's Scary #because i know i'm setting myself up to be hurt and i just #idk idk idk #ignore me #i'm rambling and just #idk ignore all of this #also don't take this as we're having issues bc we Aren't it's just my dumb brain #mine

[shu-sakamaki]

(TW : Bullying)

Random and dark headcanons about Shuu Sakamaki

If you are not comfortable with those themes please just scroll, I don't want to make anyone uneasy, it's for fiction and fantasies only, Shuu is in NO WAY meant to be portrayed in real life, he is not a good person and none of his actions are acceptable.

In which you're a bride living in the Sakamaki manor :

- His voice is really low, much lower and raspier than his voice in the anime, it just makes more sense to me because he's always sleepy and horny, sadly he's the one who speaks the less (like, sir, just keep your mouth open and never shut up 👄🔪)

- He's just so disgusted everytime Reiji come near him that he's always scrunching his nose for a split second and then furrows his brows as if he smelled something bad but it's just Reiji (🤣🤣) and four eyes get even more mad.

- If your staring at him for too long he will stare back at you and look at you up and down. Now, there's two type of look, there is the "gtfo of my face, you're burning my eyes" (which is kinda hot in its own way 👉👈) and the "I'm horny as hell, keep staring at me I will mount you, female." And I don't know how, but he notice everything, you can try and  be unnoticeable by looking at him and then looking away but when your looking back at him again, he's staring right at your soul like 👁-👁 (sir pls stop you're scaring me)

- He have bedroom eyes like, 90 % of the times, Shuu always seems to be in his own reality with his closed eyes and earphones, he somehow look zooted (on sleep and sex uhu, anyways letmeshutup)

- He's the king of side-eye, if you bother his slumber he will give you the saltiest, hottest, coldest side-eye, it'll make you tear up. My theory is that he can make people crumble with just a look. (and that's on 💫trauma💫)

- Now that we're on the subject of tears, Shuu loves them (you monster) and try a lot of things mainly out of boredom and just to randomly see you cry because why not. And him being a teaser + dacryphilia is the worst thing you can ask for. Because when the oldest lay his interest on someone, I think that the rest of the brothers kinda back off to  not make him angry (they're not suicidal gud gud) so you're just getting bullied by him and everyone is just watching.

- For example when you walk past him, he'll pinch your thighs and it always hurts so bad and leaves red/purple spots or just grab your wrist and hold it really hard till you cry and beg him to not break it. And sometimes he'll just plainly ignore you which can be worst because it's always leaving you with the impression that something's gonna fall upon you when you least expect it. (Not mister playing as the Fates) And if you try to avoid him, he's going to catch up on it pretty fast and suddenly you're seeing him everywhere and he's not going to limit his torture to the manor, even in school he will find ways to terrorize you. He will say the lewdest, dirtiest things to you like its nothing or will just sneak up on you and touch your butt in the hall. (You need to keep an eye on him like the bogeyman). It's just a game for him, he's bored and you're the perfect prey to toy with.

- Yeah also he doesn't care about consent... just like the rest of his demonic gremlins of brothers, resisting him just makes it more fun for him. But if you are actually getting aggressive like pulling his hair, slapping him or scratching his skin he'll put out his knife (he gon look at you like dis 🔵👄🔵🔪) and will threatens to kill you really slowly. A thing about his knife, is that admin once said that he's carrying it everywhere, so he can just pull it out of idk where and rub it on your skin, threatening silently to slit your throat at any moment. There is always that one kid who like to draw on people's arms with a marker in school, Shuu does the same with his knife, you have little cuts here and there because of him.

- He's manipulative and merciless, you can pour your heart out to him and tell him how something just broke you and he's gonna look at you like "and what does it got to do with me?" or just fall asleep on you. He picks a lot on your insecurities just because he knows where it hurts (he doesn't really think it, he don't care lol) and will talk to you with such a mocking/condescending tone, as if your stupid and its not like you can complain about it.

- Shuu appears at the most random times and just ask you to do things that HE'S supposed to do. And you can either do your thing and he won't care or be bothered that you disobeyed and will punish you. Admin mentioned it often, how one of the scariest thing with Shuu is the unlimited feeling of uncertainty, you really never know. One day he's cool with you and the other he's not.

- Remember when Shuu talked about seduction ? He said that its the difference between him and Laito. Laito thrives off people's fear and disgust of him and he will force himself upon them, and with Laito, you're mainly scared of him. But with Shuu, there is something quite exciting about him being around you and just giving you his attention. (Idk how to explain it, it's the Shuu Effect 🦋) Sometimes you can even feel like you have a choice, when you really don't. He's guilt-tripping you a lot of the time and you don't realize it sometimes and think that it's your decision, but honey...

- When he starts to get use to you, use to you taking care of him and use to your presence that's when the trickiest part comes up. He can either, get bored of you so he'll probably leave you alone giving green signals to his brothers to do whatever they want (or he kills you) or he's falling in love.

- You know that he's falling in love with you when he's more around you to the point when he's the only face that you're seeing and his brothers are just avoiding you like the plague, everyone does, it's like, even humans have a gut feeling that being around you won't bring them good because of the scary demon behind you. (Well if you listen to him it's more of a "You're the one obsessed with me and not the opposite" but yk), he's going to insult you every ten seconds because you looked at an alive being "I'm not looking at you for ten seconds and you're already whoring yourself out ? Pathetic." (But really, it's the poSseSsiViTy), I can also see him as being more touchy in a way but it varies, it don't necessarily mean that Shuu would go tender on you.

- He built a wall around him (like attack on titan type of wall duh, Wall Maria I see you 🙄) to block and repulse any being who wants to be close to him, so when he realizes that he's falling in love with you (and hard because Shuu don't have the concept of limit) he will probably get scared and would try to back off, scare you, being even more brutal because he need to know, need to be sure, how willing you are to be with him. He can't handle a deception and also I feel like he is pretty aware of his mental state and he is deeply scared of losing you and losing himself completely in the same boat.

- When he starts to really care for you, I think that he will start to have nightmares again, especially about Edgar and other stuff involving you because how scared he is. Which bring me to an article that admin about Shuu mastering aftercare, it's 100% logic that he's with you and whispering sweet nothing till he sure that you are safe and asleep with him.

- When his shell starts to crack, it's when he's going to be as his probably most vulnerable state when you can just see how much the paranoia, the possessivity and all the trauma cloud his mind. He will still try to test you for some time and just kinda...still observing like a predator (but with more of a lovesick turn) till he's certain that you will not betray him. And don't take it personally, that's just how he is, everything has been taken away from him, all the happiness, all the color were sucked out of his life, and when there is a real opportunity of getting this happiness back he doesn't play. Literally, Shuu can not handle losing someone important again or he will go full-on Kanato insane. That's why he drown himself in sex and sleep, to not think, that's why he always have sound in his earbuds, to not hear the silence. Its not Shuu's fault that Edgar is dead, it's not his fault if the German shepherd got killed, it's not his fault if his mother didn't took care of his brother, but he'll still take the blame. (Well maybe not for Reiji but you get it.)

Thanks to everyone who manages to read it through and have a good day and remember that you're loved and worthy ❤😌

((I honestly LOVE how you emphasize the canon aspect that Shu has NO LIMITS. Or he LOVES you to the point of obsession, or no deal. That IS Shu... And I'm scared about the person I'm becoming but the ones about how scary he actually is while statically staring at you?... Was hot... O///O ???))

#Ask #admin #shu #hc #fave #save #favorite #fav #sav

[thatoneao3writer]

Skeppy heard the argument with bad and red then decide to come in the TT base with a red rose for bad and bad acts like he doesn’t know what the Rose stands for so when skeppy leaves he’s a hot mess. Could u do a mini fic on this pls

(I typed the whole half of this fic and it got fvckin YEETED and I am MAD D:<)

"Tubbo get closer," Skeppy urged, eyes trained on the kid's laptop screen that was connected to his bee drone and displaying what the drone was seeing. It was currently at the Titans' tower.

"Jeez big man, chill a bit. Spinz just landed the nest, give him a break." Tubbo chuckled.

Skeppy smiled apologetically. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just excited."

Tubbo snorted with a shake of his head. "Eager to see BBH, eh?" He teased.

Skeppy sputtered, a soft color of red dusting his cheeks. "N-no... we're doing this to gather blackmail, remember?" He denied weakly. He didn't even know why he was denying it, everyone already knows anyway.

The kid rolled his eyes with a smile. "Whatever you say big man," he said, "oh- look there he is." Tubbo suddenly said, pointing at the screen.

Skeppy immediately leaned in, squinting at the screen. A smile razed his lips when Bad’s familiar red trimmed black hoodie came in sight.

“Blackmail material my ass. Just ask him out already man,” Tubbo scoffed lightly, nudging Skeppy as he maneuvered Spinz to a more hidden space that still gives them a clear view of BBH and Velvet on the couch.

The villain sighed and leaned back on the couch. “You don’t think I’ve tried? Bad’s worse than a wall Tubbs,” he said woefully. “Anyway, what are they talking about?” He asked, deciding to change the subject.

Tubbo shrugged. “Boring shit. Feelings. Love. Crushes. Seriously what are they third gra-”

“Let me hear-” Skeppy interrupted by taking one of Tubbo’s earbuds and plucking it into his own ear eagerly.

“Red... I swear, stop that right now.” Bad grumbled. 

Velvet smirked. “Only if you admit you have feelings for Skep-”

“I do not! And keep your voice low, everyone could hear your false truths.”

“Oh please, everyone knows you have the hots for him. I’m not lying, just stating facts. What’s taking you so long anyway? Planning on an elaborate plan to have that fat ass all to your self?”

“Language!! No I’m not!”

“Ow! Homophobe! Ugh- gay homophobe, da-!”

“Oh shit-!” Tubbo cursed when the footage cut off. Indicating that Spinz must have died. The kid tried restarting the small bot from his side, but it didn’t do any help. “Damn it! Red short circuited my bee!”

Meanwhile, Skeppy was freaking out. “Do you think they were talking about me?” He asked as he started pacing back and forth, a thoughtful hand on his chin.

Tubbo hummed, distracted by his fallen machine. Still trying to salvage it from his side. “Mhm...”

“Like, are you sure sure?”

“Yep,”

“But what if they weren’t? What if they were talking about someone else? Oh god Tubbo- does Bad have a crush on someone else?”

“Dude, Red literally said ‘Skep’ then got cut off. Who on earth other than you would have a name that starts with something as ridiculous as that?”

“Well- I don’t know! I’m not from earth. You guys probably have someone named... Skep... ra... Skepra! Somewhere!”

Tubbo sighed heavily and shut his laptop to stare unamused at the pacing villain. “Skeppy, stop being a bitch and just... give him a rose already. I’m going to the Titans’ to get Spinz, are you coming or not?”

Skeppy pouted at the mean name. “Fine, I’ll go. But you’re gonna have to buy me a drink if he acts like he doesn’t understand what a rose means.” He grumbled as he begrudgingly followed the kid to the elevator.

“Yeah, yeahhhh”

--

“Oh! Tubbo, Skeppy, lovely to see you today.” Bad greeted from the couch as Tubbo and Skeppy exited the elevator.

Tubbo waved as he made a bee line to where Spinz was supposed to be.

“Well he’s certainly in a rush,” BBH chuckled as he took a sip from his cup. He looked at Skeppy who was shifting from foot to foot just outside the elevator. “Skeppy, why don’t you come in?” He offered with a friendly smile.

Skeppy awkwardly smiled back and slowly paced towards BBH on the couch. He stayed there, in front of the demon, for about a solid minute. Opening and closing his mouth, trying to say something but fails to even utter a single words every time.

 BBH seemed to take pity on him and smiled “What’d you have there?” He asked, nodding at Skeppy’s hidden hands behind his back.

“O-oh, uh... here.” He said, handing Bad the diamond rose he made.

The demon gasped in awe, carefully taking the flower. “Oh my goodness, this is beautiful,” he said, eyeing the flower with a big smile.

Skeppy smiled bashfully, scratching the back of his head. “It’s nothing, really.” He said.

“What a lovely gift from a friend. Now I feel bad that I didn’t get you anything.”

Then Skeppy’s mood dropped in an instant, but he kept his face cheerful in order to not upset his ‘friend’. “Yeah...”

“Well, that’s awkward.” Tubbo quipped, a small box containing his mechanical bee on his hand.

Skeppy glared. “Yeah... c’mon Tubbo. Time to go.” He said, beckoning the kid over with a sigh.

“Wait! You guys won’t stay for muffins?” BBH called out.

Tubbo immediately turned around, but Skeppy pulled him along. “Thanks, but no thanks Bad! We have stuff to do so uh... till next time!” He said as the elevator doors closed.

Tubbo looked up to glare at him. “But the muffins!” He whined.

Skeppy sighed with a shake of his head. “You owe me a drink, remember?”

#skephalo #skeppy #badboyhalo #tubbo #velvetiscake #ask #timb writes #my fic #ttau

[cyberfairyblog]

Why Jillian Sucks

Hi, welcome to Odyssey Mystery Hour! I'm your host @gritsandbrits and today I'll be talking about a hot topic in the AIO fandom! Wanna know the tea? Keep on reading!

In the weeks I started getting back into the radio series, the newer episodes have started to irk me, mostly because of one of the more annoying additions: Jillian. Marshall. 😬😬😬

Even though I ship Jason with my self insert OC this not going to be about her. There's a lot of reasons why I do NOT like the idea of Jillian x Jason becoming a canon thing on the show. I hope to describe these feelings as best I can.

Who is Jillian you might ask?

Well to put it simply, Jillian is what happens when a Soccer Mom and a TikTok boyfriend mate and spawn an unholy baby and name them Rachel Berry. Out of the aspects of Nu!Odyssey I dislike, Jillian is the one thing I truly despise. Thankfully I've met fans who share the exact sentiment! 😁😒

Double-N Annoying, Double-O Nincompoop

Making her debut in 2018, Jillian is described as lively and upbeat, if a little high strung and immature; the perfect recipe for Kid Appeal! Before she moved to Odyssey she lived in different cities and worked nineteen jobs before becoming roommates with Connie and her sister Jules.

Now this is actually a fairly interesting set up: a new character struggling to find purpose only to discover it in a quaint small town. But as it turns out her going through that many jobs seems to be more than just struggling to find purpose.

When I first saw her design my thought immediately went to the smarmy classmates I went to school with.

We're introduced with this iconic line: "Hi!! I'm Jillian Marshall, double-L Jillian, double-L Marshall! It's so nice to meet you!"

With that one sentence I knew I was about to die.

The following episode has Jillian bumbling through every job interview much to Connie's duress after which she conveniently ending up working at Triple J Antiques...the same place Jason works!

A little backstory on Jason: he is the adult son of John Whittaker, one of the show's main character, and a bit of an Ensemble Darkhorse. He was introduced as a secret agent meant to bring action and intrigue into the show. He was set up as a charismatic and reckless sort of guy clashing with the calmer Jack Allen. After the Green Ring Conspiracy Saga, Jason officially retired from James Bonding and settled down to work at the Allen's antique shop.

Given his immense popularity there's understandable concern for how he is written and who he gets paired up with. So what does that have to do with Jillian.

Well, the idea of Jillian working at the same exact place as Odyssey's resident bachelor and calling him cute raises a few eyebrows.

"B-but Grits all she did was call him cute! You're reaching too far into this!"

Am I? Look I know this wouldn't be much of a big deal too but that is a subtle tactic the writers threw in to get the cogs turning for Jillison. Jason is clearly uninterested and even implied to dislike her. Jillian bemoans this but Connie reassures her that that's not the case. But hey at least she called him cute so OF COURSE she's going to end up being his love interest!

To me removing a character's core trait to justify a romance means you do NOT know how to actually write a compelling romance. It's trite, it's forced and painful to listen to.

It's also obvious she's a replacement for Bernard, given they have similar personalities and her brief stint on TV (which she also failed at lol). But whereas Bernard was actually endearing, Jillian seems more of a cliche womanchild with zero self awareness and tact. No actual depth, just a personality that is incredibly dumbed down and even insulting. Seriously they made her the dumb blond stereotype in an era where we should've moved on from that! 🤦

Did I mention she goes to church?

Yep she's gonna be one of those Christians.

Literally Loveless, Literally!

Oddly enough the narrative frames this as a rivals to lovers thing, where Jason is both the charismatic friendly guy and the super uninterested Straight Man. The constant twisting the turning makes him go OOC. See we know he's fit better as the former because that goes in line with his canon personality. But when they make him the latter he just comes off as unnecessarily mean. This is turns frames Jillian as someone we should pity: "Oh the attractive male doesn't like me because I went into his office without permission!!"

Wouldn't it make more sense for Jillian to be the one uninterested in a romance since her focus in to find a job/better purpose and romance might distract her? That would make a fun subplot...IF SHE WASN'T OBNOXIOUS!

A pattern I noticed and several fans pointed out: Jason's previous love interests were consistent in that they were strong minded women who challenged him in different ways. Their personalities bounced off creating a fun dynamic that was entertaining to see. Even though they didn't end up with him, you can still see and hear and feel their chemistry which is my goal for Jason x OC. Tasha doesn't make Jason OOC & they had a bittersweet arc, so their interactions were organic. Monica only made him OOC because she was a villain actively manipulating him. So again that worked in terms of story and led to Monica's redemption if my memory serves.

However, Jillian's dynamic is not that fun to listen to. You can feel her annoying Jason through the airwaves. She's strong but only in the sense of feeling something hard underneath your back laying on the bed and realizing that's just your earbud. She's vibrant yes but what else? She doesn't have any unique traits to contrast Jason, and any attempt at a contrast would mean making him act out of character. Adding her bumbling clumsiness and annoying voice, Jason would get tired of her very quickly. He's the type to go for people to have intelligent conversations with, not make him lose braincells. She could very well bring out the worse in him, it'll be an unhealthy relationship.

Here's a tidbit worth mentioning: the VA for Jillian actually auditioned with Jason's VA Townsend Coleman. Now that is big ass red flag right there! No hate towards the actress, just throwing that out there. There's also a facebook page dedicated to Jillison. Typical FB stupidity ramped up to eleven, or AIO fans who see something in Jillian; or at least THINk they see something worthwhile in her.

It doesn't help the writers keep insisting that these two go well together. The audience knows they do not work well as a pair but the narrative keeps insisting they are anyways. I recall an episode that had them pretend to be married while undercover and it was bad. Like REALLY humiliating to see Jason put in that position. He also told her to shut up much to my joy because she could NOT stop being irritating for five minutes. Alas the show still tries to justify Jillian being the Perfect Woman for Jason when she's anything but. And not even endearingly imperfect.

Follow Up

These tags I wrote on one of the AIO posts describes how I feel about Villain Marshall and the Jillison coupling as a whole. It just wouldn't work because Jason needs someone that can actually CHALLENGE him, have their own personality that can bounce off his (without being forced), and most importantly DOESN'T AGGRAVATE THE FANDOM!!

I have not met a single person anywhere that say they like Jillian. It's a different story apparently on the Club App - they like her for reasons I'm too cowardly to find out. But no, she sucks as a character. She makes a annoying friend, and is not a good addition to the show, much less a good love interest.

The only good thing she brought us are the nicknames we gave her 😌

That's all for now thank you for tuning into the Odyssey Mystery Hour. Next week I'll be talking a bit more about my OC Vanessa and her role in the world of Odyssey! Goodbye and make sure to lock your doors to prevent Jillian from coming in!!

#adventures in odyssey #jason whittaker #anti jillison #aio #rant #radio drama #adventures in odyssey radio show #jillian marshall #anti jillian marshall

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

[leitwolf]

#rant

So I'm at the gym tonight, right in the middle of my workout, and much to my misfortune, the employee who's always there at this time decides tonight's the night he's going to strike up a conversation with me. He comes up to me and asks if I have a routine that I do. I say yes (of course I have a routine...do you think I've just been aimlessly toiling about every time I come here?). He asks to see it. I don't want to show it to him...I'm not interested in any comments or critiques whatsoever...but I have no valid excuse to give, so I show him anyway (its written down on my phone). He looks at it a few moments, then asks if I'd be open to trying something. "Like what?"...."something special"...."such as...?" (dude, I am not going to blindly say yes to anything until you tell me what it is, let's move this along). Well, he wants me to check out a new routine. I am already not interested, but through gritted teeth I say "yes, I'll check it out". He shows it to me on his phone....it's completely different from what I normally do and much longer. Now I am even less interested. We exchange some comments, I am non-commital, but he is adamant that I be willing to try it. I relent and say yes, if only to get the conversation over faster. So he asks me for my number. "I don't really give out my number"....he laughs, "nah, I'm just messin' with ya"...*awkward silence*...."I'm not trying to sell you anything" (yeah, I know...it's just weird that we've barely spoken for 30 seconds and you already want my number). "No worries dude", I say. He asks if I have Snapchat....I lie and say no. "Well how am I supposed to send you this routine?" Again, through gritted teeth, "Just pull it up on your phone again and I'll take a picture of the screen." This seems to appease him. He asks me a few more times if I'll try it, trying to get confirmation. "Yup, I'll definitely check it out...thanks man" (not). He says to let him know if I have any questions, then he finally leaves.

UUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH

No!

Motherfucker. There is a reason I come here between midnight and 2AM. There is a reason I have my earbuds in. What about that says, "yes, come talk to me"?? No, don't fucking talk to me....do not acknowledge my presence, don't even look at me. I am not here to socialize. I am not here to make friends. I drag myself here so I can move heavy shit around for awhile in peace, and then I leave. Also, I have literally never talked to you before in my life, and if I had it my way, that wouldn't have changed. You initiated this conversation completely unsolicited. Under no circumstances am I going to give you any of my contact information whatsoever. This contact we're having right now is already too much. In fact, I would love less contact with you. And lastly, no I am not interested in randomly trying a completely new routine that you have only just introduced me to and I've had all of 10 seconds to look at and consider. I do not fly by the seat of my pants or try things willy nilly. Everything about my time here is intentional and meticulously thought out. The last time I switched up my routine, I spent literal hours researching and planning it. There is a reason I do the exercises I do. There is a reason I do them in the order I do them in. There is a reason I do them on the days that I do. There is a reason I do them at the time of night that I do. Hell, there's even a reason I use the particular treadmill that I do. EVERYTHING I do here is pre-planned. I have absolutely zero interest in trying whatever random bullshit you've decided to throw my way without me even asking for it.

But of course, social etiquette dictates that in this scenario, since we are meeting for the first time, I have to be cheery and agreeable. So now that he's "broken the ice" and I've "agreed" to check out his routine, now every goddamn time I go to the gym, I have to worry about "is he going to try striking up a conversation again?....is he going to ask me if I tried the routine?....am I going to have to come up with an excuse on the fly for not trying it?".

For months, my gym experience has been fine. I show up, get my shit done, and leave without hassle. But you've screwed that up for me now. Ugh, god, why couldn't you have just left me the fuck alone??

[rosesanthology]

Escape Plan | Matsukawa Issei x F!Reader [mafia!AU]

This took me SO MUCH TIME to write aaaaaah it's not surprising that it's so long :0 i just have many many feelings for Matsukawa Issei ALSO im begging y'all to listen to the playlist before/as you read please !!

Im kinda pissed that i cant add a "read more" option since im on mobile tho :\

(Also ngl at first i planned to get one of the 2 shot but i didn't have the heart to go thru with it)

Warnings : Fluff, it starts with humor but at some point it gets angsty ???? Idk y'all tell me

- Au that could be considered as a ennemies-to-lovers type of situation

[Tags] : @raevaioli and @haikoo like i cannot stress this enough @haikoo this your main manz

- if you could only use one sentence to describe your job to a Karen it would be : stealing from the rich in order to trick other rich people

- you had been what the people would call a spy for most of your life now, the Tokyo based Nekoma Organisation being something close to a family

- you worked with both of your very good friends, Kuroo Testurou and Kozume Kenma

- Kuroo, the leader of your little squad, had been the first one to open up to you when you joined

- he was a gifted chemistry genius and you were sure he could make any poison or soporific out of the most random stuff

- he also had insane combat and physical abilities which made him fit to act in a lab as well as on mission grounds

- Kenma was a little more reserved at first, he was the same age as you but still was really reluctant to accept you as one of his own at first

- when he saw how much Kuroo trusted you and how interested you were in his work he slowly but surely found himself caring for you

- to put it simply Kenma, better known as "apple pi" was a hacker. His job ranged from creating computer viruses to full on enabling the security of whole museums

- despite his cute appearance and shy demeanor he was probably the scariest of you three

- finally, you Y/L L/N was the infiltration and weapons expert of the group, you could weild literally anything from guns, to swords to,,,,,metal rods (but you don't wanna talk about this one) and you were of great help when deciding which infiltration angle was the best in missions

- Kuroo, under the orders of Boss Nekomata, quickly taught you the dangers and ways of the job during your first months working with them, the organisation specializing in outsmarting rich bastards and stealing their precious ressources in order to make "better use of them"

- if they were hoarding a particularly efficient brand of medicine, your goal was to steal it all, and sell it to people in need for free or a low price

- if they were in possession of some important object like let's say,,,,,the construction plans for the emperor's new vacation house, you stole it, made copies to sell at a high price to the highest bidder and your good affiliate, the Fukurodani Corporation would keep an eye on the original as part of their personnal collection, you were fine with that

- yeah they were others organisations like that in Tokyo, your friends from the Fukurodani Corp of course but also the Shiratorizawa elite crime group with who you had worked a couple times before

- ah and there was the Yakuzas too....honestly they were the only group in Tokyo with whom you were still on dangerous terms with

- they didn't like Nekoma in their affairs and you didn't like them in yours, but you tolerated each other

- your boss had established a truce with the representant of the big Yakuza group of your area, Kondo "the viper" Takara, a truly scary woman who had blasted her way to the one of the top positions of the hierarchy

- she even had a cool nickname ヾ(｀ε´)ノ

- but you knew better than to mess with them

- all in all y'all kept doing your jobs well, not bothering anybody

- except for one remaining rivalry with some Miyagi group

- the Aoba Johsai Institution.

- well, rivalry would be a strong word because you kinda got along with that Iwaizumi guy, he was a great hand to hand combat fighter and you respected that

- the others however ? Trash. 👁3👁

- they seem to act like Tokyo will be their territory in the next 5 seconds flat like ??

- THEY DON'T EVEN GO THERE ????

- "they be acting like they can just swoop in and eat OUR rich" you had told Kuroo and Kenma one day over ramen

- spoiler alert : it was a bad idea cause Kuroo snorted and almost made the noodles go up his nose

- no but seriously they always seemed to take advantage of YOUR missions to attract attention

- how did they even know which missions you were on anyway ??? (Kenma and Kunimi are actually good friends cause they play video games together but he'd never tell you that)

- it's like that one time you infiltrated a business company's heir's residence and then you came across a dude named Hanamaki and you had the HARDEST time whisper shouting to him how blowing up the whole place was a bad idea to retrieve one (1) diamond

- at the end you felt so tired that you gave it to him anyway ಥ_ಥ ("just take it ffs" "really ??" "Don't make me regret this")

- they also had the single worst person ever on one of their teams.

- Matsukawa Issei

- just thinking about it made you want to take your metal bat and break something in your shared room with your two other friends

- seriously that guy was like the epitome of clownery

- he's also supposed to be his team's gun expert except that's not the best task for someone who refuses to take anything with him but his freaking FISTS

- the first time you had met y'all ended up being on the same case to assassinate some guy who had kidnapped some cute freckled kid from a place in Miyagi called Karasuno

- EXCEPT HE WAS IN TOKYO SO IT WAS YOUR DUTY !!! NOT HIS !!!!

- you had Kenma on the earbud telling you about the guy's position in the club you were currently one street away from. You were posted on the rooftop of a building with a sniper rifle ready to get done with it and go save the kid but GUESS WHO COMES IN FISTS SWINGING WHEN YOU LITERALLY HAD THE TARGET IN SIGHT

- and he had the nerve to look straight toward your rifle's aim and flip you off while smirking

- sir you're about to catch these hands🚶🏽

- he had knocked him out alright and he got the young boy out but you were NOT ready to let that slide so you quickly got down and crossed path with him at the back exit of the club

- "what exactly do you think you were doing in there ?" Listen. You may have sounded confident enough saying that but you had NO idea that this dude was like a whole ass giraffe

- and he knew he was tall so he had the audacity to say

- "sorry can't hear you so well from down there midget, i was just doing my job (▰˘◡˘▰)" if it weren't for the karasuno boy being right there you would have stabbed his kneecaps on sight

- anyway after that y'all just seemed to run into each other wayyyy too often

- insults were shared just as often tho

- "well butter my buns and call me betty broker if it isn't my sweet little midget shooting people !"

- "stfu before i choke you"

- "kinky but can you reach my neck ?"

- "you've sunk low enough"

-so yeah f u n  t i m e s

- aside from that, business was going great but Kuroo had had news of a very important mission for you but he insisted on letting Boss Nekomata tell you about it himself for some reason

- he'd never done that :(

- you were kinda hurt that your best friend was hiding stuff from you tbh :(

- and Kenma did not seem to know more than you for now

- so you spent a whole week just mopping around

- sometimes you would go and poke fun and the newbie Lev Haiba but it wasn't the same

- Kuroo and Kenma kept working on missions while you were left waiting for that one assignment that Nekomata seemed to keep you for

- until today when Kuroo finally told you that the boss was requesting you in his office

- ngl you were EXCITED

- maybe you would have to zipline down the Tokyo tower (σ≧▽≦)σ maybe he was going to let you take a chainsaw with you this time (σ≧▽≦)σ

- maybe he- "oh" you deadpanned, stepping foot into the office and seeing none other than your arch nemesis, Matsukawa Issei in all his pisces clown glory

- "why tf are you there shitty eyebrows"

- "i had a good day too Y/N ! thanks for asking :D" today was the day. You were 100% ready to kill him and the knife that was attached to your thigh strap seemed like such a good option rn-

- "stop it you two. Y/N take a sit" Nekomata gestured, as you didn't hesitate to listen to your superior even fully aware of Mattsun's eyes annoyingly following your every movement

-"Okay so. Y/N i know you may be wondering why Matsukawa's here but to put it simply we've been informed that a rich family have gotten their hands on one of Aoba Johsai's rarest item : a gold engraved katana that belonged to their first boss"

- "so what do you need us for ?" You didn't mean to use "us" but you knew better than to piss off your boss, he was like a parental figure come on

- "i need you guys to infiltrate an auction held by said family and steal it back in the span of one week. It's up to you to work together or not but keep in mind that our arrangement states that we're autorised to make copies of the katana for future sells."

- you guys nodded, after all you were professionnals before everything and you were about to leave when Nekomata put something on the table

- "here are the keys to your appartment near the auction site it'll be your hideout !"

-.....now this had to be a cruel joke-

- "id rather sleep under a bridge then live with her for a whole week"

- "wow this is the first time we agree on something Mattsun" the oh so familiar nickname dripped in venom as you said it, unsure of what was supposed to happen

- "oh yes you could but i suppose that you don't have the supplies and tools that you will definitely need during that mission :)"

- you locked eyes with the brunette for a minute before reluctantly stomping to the table and grabbing hold of the keys and adress written on a paper, storming out of the door,  letting out a loose "come on shitty eyebrows we have data to collect" to your new....partner ? Ugh it was about to be a long week

-  it turns out the appartment was a lot smaller than you hoped for, with two single person beds, a computer post and different storing purposed furniture

- it was a common thing however, because the last thing an undercover spy would want is to draw attention with a flashy hideout

- the first step was to gather information on who would be at the auction which shouldnt be too hard

- "hey ill take the lead and contact my friend so that he can determine who is going to be here" you said as you sat on the chair in front of the computer

- "mm yeah you do that ill check what kind of weapons have been provided to us" Mattsun had no difficulty finding them as the drawers well full of them....this was very promising

- Kenma had just sent you the list of people that had been invited to the event, and you recognised many names as being members of the powerful Yakuza group lead by Konda Takara, of course.....the infamous viper herself

- you called out to Mattsun to show him and briefly explained what they were up too and how they usually fonctionned

- the auction was to take place the last 3 days after an opening party, leaving the rest of the week for preparations

- they usually took their time in comitting their crimes so you thought that stopping them mid plan by taking advantage of it was the best way to get the sword

- Mattsun didn't have anything to say for the moment, seemingly thoughtful about the whole situation

- "just so you know" you started, already regretting the decision of talking in your head, "i don't plan on being friends with you anytime soon but i feel like for this we should at least try not to rip each other's hair out"

- "i never planned on that second option"

- "huh ?"

- "i hope you know that we've never had a single conversation without insults of some kind before so for the sake of both of us it would be better to actually get to know each other since we're supposed to work together"

- you hated to admit it

- but he was right

- however you didn't comment on it, opting for throwing him a dry "let's sleep" before plopping yourself on your own bed on the other side of the room

- this is about to be one hell of a week

-3 days had passed in the crammed appartement both you and Mattsun struggling to inform yourself on each specific individual that was going to be present at the auction

- right now, you were both sitting on the floor, wearing simple oversized shirts and pyjama pants and shorts, cheese pizza box laying on top of the document covered surface

- "Mattsun, pass me the paper about Okuda Takeda please" :000

- Matsukawa froze, because he knew that in 2 days of living together y'all had establised that you wouldn't be at each other's throats

- but hearing you using his nickname unironically and saying please ???? That was still something he had to get used to

- "what are you staring at ? Give me the paper shitty eyebrows >:[" ah there she was

- "thats my girl" he thought, handing you the document and resuming his own reading

- here's the catch : Mattsun was head over heels in love with you since like day 1 that Hanamaki told him about this pretty girl who let him take the diamond from his mission. He tried to repress his feelings as he had noticed that you seemed way closer with your friend Kuroo who he had seen on missions with you

- maybe you liked him

- he would understand, he seemed way more confident than him and he was also probably way smarter since he was a genius and all

- also the way you were always soft to him and not Matsukawa kinda got to him

- he wanted you to hug HIM after a mission too and NOT insult him

- but he judged it for the better as he still got to be close to you in his own way with the playful fights you always seemed to pick with him

- it was easier than confronting his feelings or rejection

- this mission proved to make things so much harder for him tho

- like yeah he saw you being a badass plenty of other times but now ?

- he got to see you being all clingy and grumpy in the morning (he never knew being called a dumbass while you were falling back asleep on his shoulder was his thing but hey) , got to see your nose scrunch up when you were focusing on mapping out the position of the vent system of the venue

- he could go on for hours about how much he loved you and your plan was not making it easy.....profiting off the yakuzas' plan took way too much waiting and he understood that you wanted it to go as well as possible but he just couldn't keep living like this until then

- it felt like torture

- and he did not want to see you in that gorgeous dress that you were supposed to wear at the auction during the infiltration

- he knew that a couple more days could drive him crazy and make him do dumb shit like kissing you

- he had thought about that a lot of times but never brought himself to do it because je knew it was pointless

- he had to take action now

- the night of the opening ceremony, the day before the Yakuzas would start their scheme

- both of you were laying in your beds, awake, that was a habit you had developped over the past nights, you were just, aware of each other's presence and then sometime you would ask him something about his life, his friends, himself

- it made his heart beat too fast everytime and he could feel himself falling even more by the second when he heard you giggling talking about the time you pulled a prank on your friend Yaku with Kuroo

- he knew that you were already very sleepy from the way you were slurring your words

- "Y/N do you hate me ?" He said, abruptly and he heard a strangled laugh coming from you followed up by the question

- "what's that for dummy ?"

- "please answer" he asked in a whisper, sounding almost desperate

- you took a second to think about it

-you had grown quite close to your tall partner in such a short period of time, even letting your guard down and stopping from being so defensive

- "i don't hate you....i could never" you said the last part more to yourself tho but Matsukawa didn't miss it, he wished he did as he heard the soft sighs coming from your now sleeping form

- his heart ached as he got up, putting on his black coat over his mathing turtleneck shirt, taking his gun and spare map of the auction venue

- you were totally going to hate him now....

- and then he left for the opening party

- the rain was pouring outside

- for some reason you couldn't sleep well that night

- that only happened whenever Kuroo was out on a mission at night or Kenma was working in his office

- you hated sleeping alone, you couldn't do it

- being alone was the one thing you dreaded the most in your life, death was nothing if nobody knew where you were, if nobody aknowledged your existence you weren't alive

- but Mattsun was there and you trusted him.

- yeah you were kind of an ass to him during like 90% of your interactions with him but you just didn't know how to talk to him ??? He was so strong and good at what he did so you couldn't help but feel admiration but also intimidation

- yet you've felt probably more comfortable with him than anyone in your life (yes even Kuroo and Kenma weirdly enough)

- it was a nice feeling

- maybe it was because you saw him differently than them...

- but anyway

- you felt like yourself around him

- and yet

- why couldn't you sleep ?

- "Mattsun ?" You called out to him, voice cracked from not having used it for a while

- no answer

- maybe he didn't hear you over the rain....?

- you had a bad feeling about this

- "Mattsun ?" You called out a little louder, sitting up

- yep definitely

- you turned on the light and to your surprise, Matsukawa was nowhere in sight

- your heart sunk at the realization

- you were alone

- what about the plan ? Ah its true that he never said anything about it

- did he not trust you enough with it ? Did he think you were too assertive ?

- you wanted to cry but it seemed as if your brain wasn't working, your body rushing on its own to check the date and time on your phone : past 10pm on thursday night.....

- the opening party !

- "shit shit shit he must have gone there to take them by surprise wtf is he thinking doing this alone?" You thought aloud, maybe it would trick your body into not being scared

- at this point you were terrified, rushing to get the red dress on as well as putting your 2 guns under each of your thigh straps

- is he alone ? Surrounded by highly trained and dangerous Yakuzas ? What if....you were too late ?

- you didn't have time to think too much about it as you knew that this kind of thoughts led nowhere.

- you had to infiltrate that party the fastest you've ever done in your life and see for yourself, luckily, the venue was only a few crossroads away from your appartment

- truth was Mattsun's plan was not so bad

- after all you had insisted on making him find info on every staff member there too so it's thanks to you if he just so happened to know what type of guy that one waitress liked in order to flirt with her and convince her that he had forgotten his watch in one of the closed off aeras of the venue

- the place was absolutly gigantic, after all it was a mansion bought will illegal money

- he hated this, he just wanted to get it over with, retrieve the sword, gtfo and go back to Miyagi forever so that he wouldn't feel the pain of the illusion of being by your side when you were clearly far ahead of him

- you'd always been anyway

- he had finally reached the generator room and opened the vents with much difficulty as the room was a mess of cardboard boxes and storage shelves

- he was just going to cut the power, which would take about 15 minutes to get back, allowing him to go thru the vents to the main hall that was right thru the wall to his side, retrieve the sword and just make a run for it

- hopefully the rain would cover most of the sound he made so that was even better

- see that would have been great if he hadn't felt the icy cold metal of a gun at the nape of his neck as he was fiddling with the generator

- he had been caught.

- it was the end.

- shit he fucked the whole mission over and now even you didn't have a chance to-

- "what exactly do you think you're doing Mattsun ?" You said coldly even tho the hurt in your tone didnt go unnoticed by the taller man

- "haha Y/N whatchu doing here on this fine night ? You look stunning btw"

- "Cut the crap shitty eyebrows i asked you a question"

- you finally lowered your gun allowing your harsh glare to show how upset you truly were

- damn, Matsukawa really felt shitty :\

- he'd never seen you like that- well not soaked from the rain but....so vulnerable to him

- all your feelings talks happened in the dark of night in your hideout, he'd never seen your face look so pained before

- "I did what was best for both us..."

- "bullshit." He wasn't sure that he believed himself either to be honest

- "what the fuck are you even doing anyway ? I thought you and i were in this mission together ?? Did nothing matter to you ? I finally think that i found someone who i could trust other than my fucking family and that's what you do ? Ditch me for your own profit ?? You did what was best for your damn self Matsukawa"

- you were upset. He got it really, his insecurities had gotten the best of him like they often did....except he didn't have the strength to confront them, to confront you about it. So he got it and he didn't retaliate.

- "so what ?? You're not even going to say anything ?? Not even TRY to fucking apologize ? Do you really don't care ?" You searched for his eyes, but little did you know that he just....couldn't talk nor maintain eye contact with you right now

- "Mattsun...i thought you and i had...something ? I don't know maybe i hallucinated or some shit but i thought we were at least friends you know ? D-did you ever tolerate me at all ?"

- your voice cracked, it got lower and it cracked, and at that moment he was sure his heart broke right at this instant too

- he wanted to tell you that that was the farthest thing from the truth

- he wanted to tell you that he loved you

- but you were too far. Once again, you were miles ahead of him, more than ever

- and the sound of voices coming from the corridor did NOT HELP

- you could not afford being found here so with the professionalism left in you, you pushed your feelings away and pulled Mattsun behind a shelf, crouching and waiting

- you were so close he could feel you shivering from the cold and he felt so so bad

- but now was not really the moment

- "didn't you hear shouting ?" Shit. Maybe you should have waited until getting out of here for your heart to heart because this guard was definitely not trippin

- there were 2, luckily they didn't have the idea to split up to search the room, all you had to do was move low and close to the walls in order reach the door and well....the katana literally could not matter less to any of y'all rn

- at this moment you really regretted going out in such a hurry completly forgetting to contact Kenma, he could have hacked into the camera system and told you were they were so easily.....

- anyway, despite that you guys were stealthy enough to get out if the room

- now the problem was getting out of here.....

- you held Mattsun's wrist loosely as you ran thru the corridor of the building, thunder raging and labored breathing filling the silence

- "Y/N we could get out from the rooftop !" Right....if you could only get there then maybe you could just parcour your way out of this by getting on other rooftops....damn you were glad Matsukawa always thought of every escape plan possible

- you didn't really mean what you said earlier

- yes, you were disappointed but, you were also scared for his dumbass

- and rn may not be the best moment to realize it as you were most likely in a life of death situation but....you loved him

- fuck you loved him so much that you were running in a goddamn dress right now

- "i truly hoped it wasn't you" said a voice from the end of the lobby

- of course it just had to be the Yakuza boss you dreaded so much

- Kondo was just standing there, arms crossed but you knew better than to take her lightly

- "did you come to retrieve it ?" Its funny how her voice seemed to dominate even the full on storm outside, the occasional lightning bolt shining light from the huge windows into the corridor

- "No....let us pass please we just want to leave" Mattsun felt how tensed you were and immediatly rested his hand on his gun handle under his coat

- "yeah sure sweetheart but only if you tell your guard dog to calm down unless he wants me to cut his fingers clean off" she threatened nonchalantly as her hand met the handle of her own katana strapped to her belt

- Matsukawa was deadass glaring at her so hard you didn't recognise him

- he honestly looked like he could take her on but...you didn't feel like testing this theory tonight

- "hey hey, it's alright" you soothed him, putting your hand on his arm and squeezing slightly

- it seemed to work because he quickly let go of his gun even tho he was still glaring

- "let us go" he said firmly

- she pushed herself out of the way and motionned with her arm as if to say "go on~" in the most theatrical way

- you passed her without issues and soon found yourself on the roofs as planned in Mattsun's escape route and made it safely to the streets, rain still pouring

- you were finally letting out a breathe you didn't know you were holding all this time

- you were alive and most importantly, so was he

- you turned around and were ready to say something when he cut you off by grabbing your arms and pulling you into a kiss

- it was short but it managed to get his point across very well as well as warm you up when he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his forehead against yours

- "i love you Y/N....i swear i didn't mean to hurt you and put you in danger like that....if i knew i would have done things differently i-"

- "i love you too Mattsun and it's never been a problem to me, i've done way more dangerous things in my life than rescue my boyfriend from getting killed dummy"

- in the end, you weren't alone

- somehow he had become, your escape plan from it

#haikyuu x reader #matsukawa x reader #mattsun #mayhaps i cried #haikyuu au #haikyuu!! #hq x reader #hq!! headcanons #hq!! fic #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu matsukawa #aoba johsai #aoba jōsai #alternate universe #spy!au #mafia!au

[cosmo-era-yuto]

Hey there, I hope you're doing well!

You hopefully got my last essay? Haha well here are my opinions on the different B-sides that I promised!

Pentagon- Lukewarm

Five Senses-this one is really hard, I love this whole album, it's a toss up between pretty pretty and lose yourself... Maybe Lose Yourself

Gorilla-is it cheating if I choose Pretty Pretty for this one? Haha well there's only two original songs on this album, and I'll have to go with Hikari

Ceremony-Nothing

Demo_01-One More Night

Demo_02-All Right

Violet- Burning Love

Positive- another toss up, this time between Off-Road and Let's Go Together... I can't choose...

Shine - I think the Japanese version of Off-Road is really nice! But if we're picking original songs, then Wake Up /悪夢

Thumbs Up! - this whole album was great, it's really hard to pick @n@ maybe Just Do It Yo!! ? But really this is a no-skip album for me.

Genie:us -Round 1

Sum(me:r) - another album I love, the whole thing is great, it's cohesive in theme and tone. Contender for favorite mini album, no-skips. Mmmm damn I guess Fantasystic?

We:th - it's between Nostalgia and You Like. Maybe I'll go with You Like because it's really unique

The Black Hall - what a great album. Who does it like this anymore? Another time when I felt the whole thing was just unified and not just a random collection of songs. It's really, really hard to choose one... I'll go with The Black Hall, because again it's unique, it's sexy, and tbh I think it has the strength to be a title song if Dr. Bebe wasn't there

The History: happiness and Cosmo were both so good! I like the imagery and MV for Cosmo better, but I can sing Happiness better than Cosmo so I'll go with that one XD

Love or Take - Sing-a-Song, though I like the whole album!! I only skip Boy in Time because I don't want to make myself sad

Do or Not- Don't Worry Bout Me, though I love the uniqueness of Dazzling

Non-album singles: Basquiat. That song makes me go a little bit insane

And there ya go!

I am doing well, thank you for asking; I hope the same for you!

MAN I LOVE LUKEWARM, honestly Pentagon is one of my favorite albums; all the songs are great

Yeeesssss I’m glad you said Lose Yourself as well! But Pretty Pretty is a great choice as well!

Nah choosing Pretty Pretty isn’t cheating, but I’m glad you also chose 光, it’s one of the best songs

NOTHING!!! Ceremony is also one of my favorite albums. I just love all the songs! THE CHORUS! KINO AND YANAN JUST UGH!! NO NO NO IM GOING TO GO LISTEN TO THE SONG RIGHT NOW!!!

I feel like One More Night has a unique sound to it, while at the same time it sounds like a song from their Five Senses mini album. Anyhow it’s a good song that I should definitely listen to more than I actually do

Bro Alright is such a good choice! The music is so cool and the both the chorus and after chorus are addicting, especially Yanan’s “It’s now or never!”

Burning Love literally rocks I always sing (note: yell) along when that song comes on in the playlist and I love the music for it!

Off Road and Let’s Go Together are great songs to be conflicted over, Positive really is just a no skip album for me as well!

I’ll agree with you on that. I listen to the Japanese version of Off Road so much that when I watch a performance of it I get confused at first since all the words sound different. But I’m glad you also chose 悪夢, I legitimately have that song as one of my alarms!

Thumbs Up! Is also one of my favorite albums (I’m beginning to realize I say that too much when it concerns Pentagon)!

Genie:us is another no-skip album for me 🤠 I don’t know how Pentagon is writing music that is a exactly to my tastes, but I’m not complaining ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sum(me:r) is actually iffy for me 😬 I like the four songs generally speaking, but I have to be in the mood for them. Sometimes I’ll just skip right over them

You Like is one of my favorite Pentagon songs to listen to with earbuds in; the music production for that song is amazing!

Funny story, I went into a Victoria’s Secret for the first time and The Black Hall kept playing in my head on repeat. I wasn’t even paying attention to the music that was playing in the store. Anyways, yes a bop of a song!

I can sing both Cosmo and Happiness! I can only sing the first and second chorus to Happiness though. Cosmo I can sing the chorus and other parts here and there; I can sort of sing the beginning and pre chorus and I sing the bridge (if you can classify it as that, the structure of this song is so unique!) really well.

I don’t know if this sounds weird but, to me, Sing-a-Song and Just Do it Yo has the same vibe. Every time I listen to Sing-a-Song I just start thinking about Just Do It Yo! It makes me wonder if it would fit well in the Thumbs Up album?

I will say listening to Don’t Worry About Me through earbuds is an experience that I am here for. Also after the first chorus the “Yuto” right before he starts rapping. Yutoda 2.0??? All I know is that I was freaking out the first time I heard it

AND YEAH BASQUIAT!!! WOOO AAAAHHHHH IF THAT SONG COMES ON I GO FERAL HOMIE! WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE BRIDGE OF THE SONG AND THEN you know what I am calm

Thank you for the list! I am the only person I know in my life that is as obsessed with Pentagon as much as I am (most people I know don’t listen to Kpop or has only heard their song Shine). So it’s nice to hear another uni’s opinions about Pentagon things! Until next time 👾

#unianonevent2021 #answered #💫👾💫