#it's probably unwise to have it so public

[enditen]

birds of a feather

summary: a bit of understandable anger toward your fiancé for— in your eyes— unwise decisions leads to hurt feelings and avoidance. thankfully, the two of you come back together in the most interesting of places.

word count: 4090ish.

rating: m

warnings: public sexual acts. talk of death ( rooster's, goose's and carole's ). angst. two adults being stubborn fools. talk about breasts. talk about ruining hawaiian shirts and dress whites. kind of playing around with naval deployments and what not.

pairing: bradley ( rooster ) bradshaw x female reader ( callsign vulture )

author's note: hi, first fic in this fandom that was simply supposed to be hot titty fucking with a title of a tit for a cock and then turned into 4k of angst then some titty fucking. some of you might recognize me from another fandom on here on tumblr to which if you do, hi y'all. also i feel like i missed tags and i'm sorry about that. assuming i write more for this because i've gotten over my nervousness i'll learn. and special thanks to @blurredcolour for being a little cheerleader

You’re beginning to wonder if there’s just something about Maverick that just turns everyone around him a bit stupid. You like to think that most of the team surrounding your fiancé aren’t idiots and yet there you were being proven completely wrong as you listened to Bradley explain what exactly had happened on the mission.



“That’s not what he meant when he said don’t think!” You remembered screaming into the phone, knowing fully well that while Mav was his own special brand of stupid- and deliriously lucky he wasn’t the same level of pure unadulterated idiocy Bradley was displaying.

“It worked out!” Was somehow his raspy defense and it had taken all your self control to not hang up the phone right then and there, the sheer unmitigated aggravation seeping through your pores As it stood, what you did end up doing was letting out the world’s most put upon sigh as you rolled your eyes.



“You’re just lucky Mav didn’t have to bury another bird.” At Rooster’s sharp inhale you started to speak again. “I didn’t mean it— I’m just—”



“No. I get it, Vulture,” he spat out your callsign, a definite sign that he’s pissed and you had struck a nerve you honestly shouldn’t have right in that moment before you heard something in the background. “You don’t have to come get me, I’ll get home fine.”



The silence after he hung up feels almost as all consuming as the idea of him dying was.

It’s always been a thing that when one of you comes back from deployment or from a mission or from visiting friends who are stationed somewhere else that you pick one another up. Some of your friends call it silly, but for you and Rooster it works. You’ve always wanted to be together all the time but at the same time— when opportunities present themselves you’ve never been the type to ignore them. Hell, even if you wanted to, the other one would just argue against ignoring the opportunity. That’s why you found yourself here, waiting for Rooster to come back from what should have been a mission he didn’t come back from. What was almost a mission he didn’t come back from. You wonder if this is how his mom felt with his father and if the reason she never wanted him to become a pilot like this is to avoid anyone else having her fate. You see Rooster walking with Hangman and are about to lean out of the car to tell him to get his ass in the car before he sees you through your windshield. The look he gives you is one of aggravation and hurt that you’ve so rarely seen on his face that it practically pins you to your seat in the car. You've seen those brown eyes look at you with so much love and you've made jokes comparing them to warm chocolate more than once but in this moment— all they do is remind you of a hardened and unbreakable tree.



He shakes his head before turning to keep talking to Hangman, laughing at some probable dumb joke the man said and you swear your stomach drops through the floor of the car. You hadn’t thought he was serious about not wanting you to come get him and here he was getting into someone else’s car to go— home? Maybe, or maybe he was going to crash on Hangman’s couch or find— no. No, for all that Rooster was angry with the slip of your tongue he would never cheat on you. He loves you in a way that makes other people sick and makes Maverick and Penny tell you that yeah, you kind of remind them of his dad and Carole.



Still, he’s never been this angry at you and that terrifies you in ways that you can’t put into words. You’ve flown dangerous missions that didn’t terrify you as much as the look on Rooster’s face did right in that moment. After what feels like hours, but is only really ten minutes you pull out of the area you were parked in and head home. You don’t realize Hangman hasn’t left and that Rooster watches you leave from his side of the truck. 



“She couldn’t have done anything that bad, man.” Jake tries to reason as he puts the truck in reverse. 



“You don’t know her like I do," he scoffs, shaking his head and slipping on his aviators. "I forgot why she’s called Vulture. Just— Just drive.”

You suppose it's a mercy that you see Rooster the next morning, making coffee as if he didn't break your tradition with one glance through a car windshield. Suppose you should be thankful he's back home and in your kitchen and not back home in a casket, but you've never been one to allow yourself simple pleasures like that when you're hurt. When your heart's twisted into the version of itself that only releases anger and toxic fumes to push away everyone you hold dear.



That anger has your mouth moving before your brain can catch up and make you see sense. All you know is that the man you love hasn't said one word to you since that phone call and he's only making one cup of coffee and not two. Another tradition broken and you can only see red.



"Are you ignoring me?" You ask the moment he turns around, sipping his coffee without seemingly a care in the world.



Bradley isn't necessarily the more verbose out of the two of you, but he's never particularly short with you. Today is the exception, much like everything about the past two days.



"No." A pause as he sets down his coffee cup and you see a bit of coffee clinging to his upper lip and that stupid little mustache you've grown to love over the years. "Maybe."



"Maybe," you parrot, moving over to where he's standing and watching as he moves just far enough away to allow you to grab your own cup and your own specific pod to make your coffee. "You nearly die, I say something stupid and now you're acting like a moody teenager. Cute, Roo."



Roo. Not even Rooster and certainly not his name because he certainly doesn't deserve it in this moment. You watches as his eyes drift over your body, noting how you're wearing one of his favorite Hawaiian shirts with the top buttons unbuttoned, revealing skin that normally he'd have covered in kisses a thousand times over since he returned last night. Instead it's unmarred by his lips and teeth and you're as vicious as can be. Two can play that game. Two can be childish.



"I'm sorry, something stupid. No— no, you didn't say something stupid. You said something cruel. That's a big difference, babe. One is normal, the other is you reminding me that I could have left you alone just like my mom was. Like that didn't go through my head. Like Maverick didn't tell me that much while we were heading back. "



A laugh erupts from deep inside your chest as you turn to look at Rooster. "Did it really go through your head? Did you think I'm throwing away my life with Vulture because I need to save someone who ruined parts of my life? Or did your brain get scrambled from the G's?"



You watch as eyes that you love start to fill with something resembling tears as his hand clenches the coffee cup. He loves you, he knows that to be a simple fact. He loves you. His father loved him and his mother. Mav loves him and loved his father and his mother. And you love him. In this moment though, that last one feels like a joke, feels like a dagger twisting in his chest. Maybe you don't love him if this is what you want to spew at him. You're a woman who should have had a callsign of Viper but only gets Vulture because you can handle things other people couldn't. You take care of things other people wouldn't or couldn't. He supposes you taking on all of those things is what makes you the way you are.



"It's what my dad would have done," he forces the words out and tries to not cry because you know what that means to him. You know know better than anyone. "I was his wingman."



"And what about my wingman, Bradley?" Your question comes out softer than you mean it to even as you slam your coffee pod into the machine. Somehow tears start to tease the edge of your eye line. "You were just going to leave me without mine. You really are your father's son. Guess I should be happy we don't have a little you running around. That's a little too on the nose."



The slam of the coffee cup startles you more than anything you've thought was possible in that moment and yet without missing a beat you turn to face Rooster once again in time for you to see angry tears falling from his eyes. "I'm not doing this. You're— I didn't leave you. You're not having to bury me and you're not having to be by my side as I bury the closest thing I have to a father now. That is what should matter. Not what I did. What I know you would have done for some people. What you'd have done for Phoenix alone. I'm here in our kitchen wearing my engagement ring and you're just wearing my shirt and not sobbing into it because it's the closest thing that smells like me. Let it go." He takes a moment to take a shaky breath and starts to move toward you. "I made a mistake but I don't regret it. Let. It. Go."



If you were younger, if you were the same girl Rooster met all those years ago you'd have taken your ring off and slammed it on the counter right next to his coffee cup in a fit of anger. You're older now, same as Bradley and you stop yourself even as your hand inches toward your ring finger. Bradley's always been taller than you unless you're in heels and it forces you to look up at him. "You forget who you're wanting to marry, Bradshaw. I'm— I'm not letting this go. Just— you know what, sleep on the couch, do whatever. I don't care— you're not sleeping in our bed. Especially if you want to act like I meant to say what I said in the first place. You want to ignore me? Fine. Then do that."



You see Bradley's jaw tense, and watch the way it moves as you normally would enjoy before he speaks. "Wasn't planning on sleeping there for a while anyway. Enjoy your coffee, Y/N."

Ever since you had started dating, you and Bradley had talked every single day. No matter the fight, no matter what happened between you two you would never let something like this drag on for so long. Life was short after all and you two were both vividly aware of that.



This time though, this time it drags on for two weeks and you have a half right mind to stand in front of Bradley until he talks until you realize from how even Phoenix looks at you while at the Hard Deck that it wouldn't help. It truthfully might make things worse. So you let him stew and he lets you stew. You miss him and you like to think he misses you but you're both very stubborn people who know how to hold grudges with the best of them.



It's strange, ignoring someone you love in your own house but sometimes you'd like to argue that you and Bradley are strange people. Normal most of the time but with those small little scars inside and out that make you do strange things. Strange things like make sure your dress whites are ready to go the day of what you think is a ceremony— honestly you hadn't paid attention for once to the notice. That's what you do with someone you love and someone you care about— not someone you're still so angry with that it hurts to talk to them.



You arrive separately to questioning looks from most of the Dagger Squad and Maverick but you both shrug and smile them off even as you stay apart most of the night. What you both don't realize is that the other is sneaking glances when one of you looks away. Your eyes take in the man who you think— you hope— is still going to be your future husband and bemoan the fact that he can't wear this uniform everywhere. There's something special about seeing him all dressed in white and looking every bit a dashing naval aviator.



His eyes? Oh, his eyes take in the woman he knows he's still going to marry if one of you would just break already. They take in you in white which you hate wearing because it shows off everything and stains and all those silly things you say. They take in how your jacket contains your chest but how the buttons strain just a little and how he knows that you're probably wearing a lace bra that he loves underneath it. He knows how that bra feels against his hands when he cups your breasts and squeezes them in his hands. Your chest is a work of art sometimes— all the time really and he hasn't touched in over two weeks.



Jake is the one who notices how Bradley's eyes haven't left you for a few minutes and notices how he's shifting in place— fidgeting in a way he's never seen him.



"She's been staring at you too," the blonde chuckles. "This is— This is every bad high school dance and military ball I've ever been to rolled into one. Go over to her, Rooster. Stop pining, man."



Bradley wants to defend himself but he turns to look at you again only to catch your eyes and how they slide down his body before stopping at his crotch and— he finds most logic and sense goes out the window. Like two magnets drawn to one another you both find yourselves by each other's sides, with hands grazing each other's hips.



"I—" He starts before you shake your head.



"I was being cruel. You've— We both know I get like that and I was terrified, Bradley. I saw our lives flashing before my eyes the second I found. It was gone in an instant. That doesn't excuse—" Your words are cut off with a soft kiss that you're both endlessly thankful no one sees.



"Babe. Trust me, I know I was an idiot and that same vision you had? Yeah, you weren't the only one. I swear I heard my mom and my dad yelling at me." His words are soft as he nuzzles his nose against yours, laughing softly when you scrunch up your nose because of his mustache. "I'm sorry."



You sniffle a little, partially to prevent a sneeze from his mustache hair and to cover up the fact that you're a little emotional. "I'm sorry too." You take a moment to look up meet his eyes only to see how his eyes are trained on your breasts. "Lieutenant Bradshaw, are you staring at my boobs in public? At a function?"



You watch as a light dusting of color reaches his cheeks before he bites his lips. "And if I am?"



A breath leaves your mouth slowly as you move the hand that's been on his hip toward the front of his dress pants, giggling softly at the slight hardness you feel. "I'd say you should stop unless you want me to take care of this in the bathroom."



His eyes dart around the room checking to see if anyone will notice you're both gone for a bit before he laughs. "Meet you there in five?"



You practically give yourself minor whiplash as you nod quickly. "Can I keep the bra on?"



His groan almost gives the two of you and your plans away.

The great thing, you think, about this bra, is that it makes it so easy to have Bradley stick his cock in between your breasts without taking it off. You know by the end he'll want it off, want to squeeze your breasts as he slides his cock in between them but in the beginning he's fine with this.



"I missed my girls," he groans as you press your arms against the side of your chest, pushing your breasts together even more. "Should— Should've gotten over myself and fucked you in my shirt that morning."



"You would have gotten come on your favorite Hawaiian shirt, Bradley," you try to reason with him even as your voice takes on an airy sort of quality the quicker your fingers move in between your legs. You should have taken off your pants but you realize it's a little too late for that now.



"We're probably getting come on our dress whites, babe." It's a joke but one that's likely very true from the way you can see his cock pulse and from the way your fingers— even through the articles of clothing you're wearing sound so obscene as they squelch and slide between your folds. "Would've made it better. Fuck, swear this bra does something to your tits."



"It's a bra? A dressy one? That's the point?" You can't help but giggle as he moves faster, his cock gilding against the soft skin of your breasts. "You getting close baby?"



"Lil bit," he grunts out, his hand moving to try and grasp at one of your nipples. "You wanna free them? Let your nipples join in on the fun?"



"You just wanna smear them with precome, Bradshaw, you're not slick." It's not a no, and your hands move to start undoing your bra even as you look up and see Bradley with the dumbest smirk you've ever seen him have. "Why are you—"



"You're slick though," he pulls his cock out from between your breasts and bends down to kiss you as your bra releases your breasts. "Bad—"



"Bad dirty dad joke," you cut him off with a fond shake of your head. "At least wait until we have a little birdy before you stoop that low."



A shrug is the only answer you get as he lines his cock up with your breasts and waits for you to press them together before saying a single phrase. "Sorry. It's in my blood."



You look up at him through your eyelashes and sigh, ignoring how your heart twists a little at the faked twinkle in those brown eyes of his. Instead you bend your head down just a little to lick a small kitten lick at the head of his cock. "Doomed to those jokes for the rest of my life as Mrs. Bradshaw. What have I done?"



A shudder ripples through him at your lick and he has to force himself to not come right then and there all over your perfectly made up face. He wants to though, wants to see you debauched like you should have been the second he came home and was alive and in your arms. He should have painted your face white. Should have made it so there was a stain on his favorite shirt that he'd wear proudly because it'd tell everyone how needy you two were for each other. It'd remind everyone that he's taken by the most vicious, intelligent, and vivacious woman he's ever met. It'd remind him that you missed him that much that you couldn't bear to be apart from some part of him for too long.



He didn't though and he can't right now but tonight when you're home and laying across your shared bed maybe he can do it then and watch as your lips try and lick bits off your face. The image he paints in his mind is something else and it has him clenching the fabric of your jacket before his own hands move to play with the tops of your breasts. The action earns a low whine from you, wanting more of his large hands on you, his thumbs playing with your nipples as he kisses you. You two have to make this quick though and it shows in how Bradley's thrusts increase in speed and how he motions for you to do something— anything— with your boobs and your hands until you finally catch onto his meaning.



"You are so boob drunk, Bradley," you mutter as your hand wraps around the part of his cock not between your breasts. With every thrust up you manage a lick or two just to tease him until you see his thrusts getting messier and less controlled.



A breathless low chuckle leaves him. "Nah, just you drunk. Fuck, babe, Y/N. I'm— let him go. Gonna—"



"Cum on them. Just cum on them. I'll wipe it off."



You look up with all the confidence in the world to see him with blown out pupils and a wet lips from where he's bitten them to keep quiet. "You su—" You cut him off with an almost violent nod that has the head of his cock brushing your chin as he does. "Okay okay."



What happens next is a flurry of limbs and grunts and low whines from you and Bradley as you chase your respective highs. Bradley comes first, hips stuttering, painting your chest with his cum, pearly white and just uncontrolled enough that some lands on your lips and chin and another bit lands on your dress shirt, narrowly avoiding your jacket. Your name falls from his lips easily as you look up at him, your fingers curling just so inside of you as he reaches out to cup your cheek his brown eyes so full of love, arousal and adoration that you come with a silent cry, your body threatening to fall forward from the sheer intensity but his strong hands are there to stop you.



You both lean back— him against the wall and you on your knees- catching your breath before he moves to grab paper towels, wetting them just enough for you to clean his release off of you. He embarrassingly lets out something close to a childish whine as he watches you lick the traces of come off your lips until you raise an eyebrow at him and his hardening cock.



"When we get home." You both manage to say at the same time before letting out matching peals of laughter. After a moment where you both can't keep a straight face Bradley starts to tuck himself inside his dress pants and you start to button your shirt back up before he pulls you up with an ease that marvels you even to this day. You feel the warmth of his large hand through your shirt as he straightens it out, making sure it's regulation ready. He winces at the slight stain of his come near your shoulder before remembering you still have to get your jacket on. His hands make quick work of the buttons and he notes with pride the only sliver of come one can see is easily explained away as water.



You can't help but bite your lip at Bradley when you see him looking down at you, inspecting his handiwork. Almost as if he realizes you're staring he meets your eyes and smiles this stupid half smile that makes his mustache look far cuter than it has any right to be and has his eyes dancing with mirth.



"Come on Lieutenant Bradshaw, they're gonna notice if we stay here," he tries to school his face into something resembling a serious look before he chuckles softly.



"Aye aye, Lieutenant Bradshaw." A pause. "You can't call me by your last name yet, you know."



He shrugs, unlocking the door as he wraps his arm around your waist. "I almost died. I can do it if I want. Besides, saw your thighs tense up."



You tamp down on the urge to slap his arm playfully as your own arm moves to snake around his waist. "You're lucky I love you."



"Yeah,' he stops right before you reach the door to reenter the hall and presses you just lightly against the wall. "I love you too."

#bradley bradsaw x reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x y/n #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw smut #bradley bradshaw angst #rooster smut #rooster angst #bradley bradshaw fic

[jingsyuans]

My Jing Yuan thots™

He's so lowkey weak whenever you playfully call him stuff like tough guy/lover boy/etc, giddy like a schoolboy lol

I'll die on the hill that Jing Yuan's got a praise kink that not even the Aeons could destroy but he's so extremely picky about the praise 😤 after all he deserves only the best

One time you bowed to kiss his knuckles when you two first met at a formal event and like a menace/minx you swiped the tip of your tongue against him and he was flustered for hours, especially when you kept eye contact with him when you did it, the fiery passion in your eyes broooo he's swooning like a lovesick maiden and had to use so much restraint not to act unwise in public

Secretly loves it when you compliment him on being so handy or reliable, something domestic it

Absolutely sulks quietly when you can't have lunch with him, he's such a giant baby and I love it

Still carries Mimi around like a baby, he's a strong boy 😤😤😤

Lowkey flustered when you help him with chores that are more personal like dusting in his room because t

Absolutely will die on the hill that he's secretly a sucker for romance novels and shows he loves the chilches, please his irl life has had a lot of hardships and he just wants something happy

-✨anon, what's poppin fam?

I LOOOVE that idea of kissing his hand upon meeting and the teasing lick with the EYE CONTACT…. ✨ anon that’s golden and I will probably steal it for a fic bc 👀

And sulking when you can’t have your lunch date 😭 that’s so like him…. Big general baby

And!! I love the domestic stuff. Sharing household chores….. that’s another thing I may steal…. Simple things like that catching him off guard because he hasn’t had someone to share with since he ran off from his family. Is this what it’s like? He’s been missing out, and…. Watching you hum a little tune and fold laundry, he doesn’t want to miss out on these things anymore.

#jing yuan #welcome!!! sorry I haven’t talked for 100 years #your ideas are all so good and lovely #jing yuan x reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan reader insert #honeyed gifts #honkai star rail

[foxglovefaun]

i have a loving and desperate reminder for folks working on large/long term projects in digital format:

it's unwise to make the "cloud" your primary location for data storage. making back-ups in them is fine, but the most secure place for your work is on an ext hard disk that you can detach from your machine, and on multiple copies if you can manage/afford it. (and dont forget to unplug your ext drives when not actively using them!!)

if you dont have access to a personal computer, the public library in your area likely has computers available that you can use. even if theyre not powerhouse machines, they can do what's needed in order for you to back up your stuff. using the internet there you can access your phone/tablet cloud storage online and copy your work onto your external drive. it's definitely inconvenient, but it's probably more convenient than losing your entire library of personal work, writing, and photos.

discord stopped hosting images not that long ago which broke a lot of hyperlinks for personal web projects, google is doing sinister google stuff and is probably going to continue to do so, and we're sort of teetering on a major data/archive crisis that definitely won't put people like us first. corporations are not interested in protecting you. you are the only person who can keep your artwork, writing, and photos secure. ❤️ 🙏

i love you ❤️ pls protect your passion projects ;-; dont let corps decide if your work lives or dies pls back up your digital stuff

#barbossa voice #u best be believin in a cyberpunk hellscape #ur in one #i want to be able to read your projects ;-;

[thestarfishinjootsoffice]

hey!! Can i request a spy x family x child reader?

Let's assume that Twilight needed 2 children for this mission and basically the reader gets adopted at the same time as Anya and the reader is actually a 6 year old. The reader is very smart and has a personality similar to Twilight

(you can ignore if it's too much)

This will be interesting. Sorry if I made Reader too serious

Forger family x child! Reader

Let's say you and Anya were in seperate adoption centers, and you were the last one to be adopted hence your almost always stoic expression and pretty serious manner for a 6 year old . But Loid thought you were perfect, a quiet calm child who won't cause any trouble and plus your intelligence.

And when you and anya met a few hours later she was lowkey scared of you and thought you'd be like atleast 10-12 with just a short and quite small body but when she read your mind it was mostly innocent stuff like "I really want candy right now." Or "I hope I will have a good home."

Yor absolutely adored you and Loid, when she saw you and Loid together studying she was melting at how you two were so similar in personality and appearance! (meaning your facial expression)

You two are basically. "🗿"

You are also protective of Anya and telling off Damian and his friends when they pick on her but noticed how he would blush at Anya doing basically anything. And you thought this would actually be a great chance to make them closer somehow.

And you and Anya's scores difference are probably very drastic and Loid would do the good ol' comparing like "look at Y/N's score and yours, why can't you be like them?" Ofc Anya would later get sad and gloomy and Loid would later apologize and comfort Anya. You didn't like it either.

Yor would sometimes worry at how serious you are sometimes and would think something bad has happened. But there would also be times where you assure her and smile which would relieve Yor greatly. She really wants to make a good impression for both her children so whenever you smile when she does something for you or give you something she's practically liquid.

When Yuri first saw you and your calm manner he thought you were the biological child of Loid. (If your appearances are different from Loid's then he'll just think you took more of your previous mother's genes.) And was pretty embarrassed when you weren't since he probably made a fuss about it.

Anya may or may not tell you about her telepathic abilities, very unlikely since she's scared you'll be scared of her and snitch but there's always a possibility.

You'll be stuck like glue 90% of the time and if she decides to tell you about her secret? You're stuck together 100% of the time, she'll treat you like an older sibling (because you are) and talk to you about all her problems and troubles and you guys probably fall asleep together watching TV with the dog. (Yor and Loid have both become slime.)

Oh talking about the dog you and Anya will both play with bond 24/7, and bond will protect you both from any future danger. (Good boy bond!)

You sometimes scold Anya at her risky and unwise decisions she makes when in public and then she'll be at the brink of tears because you're supposed to support her and care for her, not scold her! And then you'll also have to apologize.

Loid will treat you no lesser or better than Anya but he does leave you in charge of both Anya and Yor while he's gone because he knows Yor will to do whatever Anya says. At this point you and Loid are the head of the family.

If you suddenly cry or break down the whole family will absolutely panic. Yor would try to calm you down but she's also almost close to crying so it isn't helping at all. Anya would cry with you. Loid would try to bribe you with candy or your favorite food to stop crying because he doesn't know what the hell to do. If someone made you cry the whole family will be mad. But if it's just some accident like bruising your leg or body on some furniture you can bet your hair (or head if you're bald) Yor and Loid will baby proof that furniture.

Overall your life with the forgers are colorful and full of surprises. Very risky though.

#loid forger #anya forger #yor forger #bond forger #spy x family #anya and yor #loid and anya #spy x family anya #spy x family loid #spy x family yor #x you fluff #x you #x reader #anime x you #x child reader #platonic #loid x yor #flufftober2022 #yuri briar

[laylawatermelon]

Buddie: it's The Way It's Played

Aka don't hate the player hate the game or whatever.

(i promise the is Buddie at the halfway point if you just want meta)

I woke up pondering about edy's comments and found it a bit funny and ironic because she probably doesn't know just like we don't know.

Oliver recently talked about how he wasn't heavily involved in this upcoming episode 2 so he'll be getting to watch it for the first time with us.

It's the same case with her. In her eyes she does her few scenes and goes home.

In her head she is the chosen love interest and she is indeed being asked to come back.

The second half of the season hasn't publicly been announced (or fully filmed I assume) so she's just as oblivious as we are.

What I will say is that celebrities should know to not be in the spaces of fandom and don't get heavily involved.

Especially with shippers.

As a fangirl I have always been protective, I would say, over my stuff but I made like a rule that I don't reply or have online arguments.

(mostly because i get riled up easily in real life and it's dangerous imagine doing it with a complete stranger or a mob of them if we're being fr because there's never just one person arguing with you.)

It's likely millions or billions 🙃

Also as a fangirl, I don't mind shipping or not shipping.

Do what you want, I don't care.

I grew up in the good ole don't like scroll away time.

What I'm getting at is that some people are more comfortable on online spaces. Some are more quiet (like me) but they're there.

I've recently become disillusioned slowly over the years of Hollywood ( all the woods honestly) glamour so when they are shown or said to be bad people I treat them as such.

Cause they're that.

People.

Who do good and bad stuff all the time.

Granted we don't a camera or constant surveillance or record (or funds) all the time, but I'd bet we said/did bad stuff.

Now in Hollywood's case their stuff is mainly criminal/jail/wtf is going on over there?!??!

In her case, I'm not surprised.

There's people who are homophobic/transphobic and everyphobic (and -ist!!) in the world so of course they would be in show business.

Cause they're people. We got people (like millions of them, a concerning number in worldwide leadership positions but that's a story for another day...) like that all over.

Celebrities are not and never will be role models. They are public images projected onto a pretty body.

That's also the reason why I'm saying that she should shut her computer and cut her losses.

(a lot of celebrities should do that honestly)

But, it does let you know who to support and who not to.

And I'd rather know my enemy rather than worship a perfect image honestly.

I also think it's unwise to fight the people who are literally indirectly paying your bills.

There are 93k people (just on Tumblr) who ship the guys.

Even I know better and I'm a fan.

(i think it's because I'm a fan and ik how it can get I'm just an observer cause whew 😥😮‍💨)

That's not counting the ones not active here or casuals who agree with the pairing.

If they pay your bills walk on eggshells ma'am. You're job quite literally hinges on people liking you.

So be likable.

(once again I will reiterate as a fan/human with a heart let me know how bad you are so I don't give you my love if you're a bad person with shady morals.)

But as an observer it's like just shhhhhh. Please. The Internet is forever. There is no timeline for it. What are you doing??

If I'd say it it's like watching you drive a burning car driving down the street and you're sitting in it proudly waving and hitting people but insist you're right or a good person.

I'm just shocked at some people's let's say narrow thinking aka limited timeline thinking.

Fans and the Internet didn't forget. They will find you.👹

But I wanna talk about Buddie now!

Okay.

Now that we've criticized celebrity culture and the response of ms. Edy and her bad mindset (aka lack of critical reading and decision making with fandoms and responses in general also queerphobia?!) that honestly I appreciate.

Be a bad apple in public.

Imma stand on business.

Expeditiously 😤.

Bye bye support and hello uproar.

But back to Buddie 😘😚🤗😝, I wanna be clear I am a fan but I am also very critical of media.

It's the way they act.

Literally.

The reason Buddie even exists and is accepted is it's literally there. (Their fault)

There is no subtext.

The actors play it as such, the directors direct it as such and the marketing play it as such.

I'm a bit upset seeing y'all called clowns (although i hope it's said affectionately cause tone indicators or the lack of) because you're not crazy.

They quite literally put the battery in y'all backs so it shouldn't be surprising if the battery is more high powered than expected.

You are not misreading anything.

Most people just choose to ignore the signs because

(the church! Homophobia! All rhe -ias and ists!)

Truly our downfall as a modern society.

Anyways, as a writer and heavy media consumer there's no mistakes.

Every wprd is carefully chosen, every shot has a purpose and every cut is done. These things are practiced a thousand times, edited, retaked a thousand times if they have to.

There's no mistakes in media. It's literally made to influence, persuade and educate.

Nothing is a coincidence!

But after reading a few interviews and listening to the fandom I think we can also say with confidence they've been playing it as a romance.

There's nothing platonic.

They have platonic couples on the show.

That

is not it.

Even if you see it as pure writing without the context of their acting choices.

Let's say kitchen scene.

You wanna work it out in the ring (throws playful punches)

I'd take you.

I wouldn't do that. You're on blood thinners.

Buck steps closer to playfully intimidate him.

You wanna go for the title?

Now pause.

Ik we all know that scene religiously and can only see it as insane (because they are. It is.) but I read it in my mind as a blank sheet of paper and couldn't help but wonder.

Why would you say it like that?!??!!?

Mr. Oliver Stark and Mr. Ryan Guzman I sentence you will eternal jail cause wtfff?

I imagined it more platonically. You can quite literally put, let's say, Hen and Chim in that same scenario. Damn even Eddie and Chim.

Their acting choices would reflect that. Hell, read the lines without looking (or hearing their insane intonation) and imagine your best friend. Any friend for that matter.

It wasn't playful, it was well, sexually tense. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Ps i love buck 1.0 and was shooketh to see his return because i watched the show backwards. i did season 2-6 in like a week then begrudgingly did season 1. Me nah like abby ...

They are choosing to act it out as a romance.

Now that could lend itself to male partnership in movies (and real life) where they went to war together that were usually where gay/queer men had partnerships/relationships in every sense of the word.

The shows ain't got it from nothing. 🤷🏾‍♀️

There's always truth in fiction.

I also find out a bit hilarious to imagine the director tried to get them to stop but the takes were either too good or they kept pushing the envelope and the editors were like yes. 🤗

I will put this shot of them longingly staying at each other instead of the slightly less neutral one.

Or cut when they say we're the only ones who don't have kids (+buck) then cut to Buck being a good dad! 🤗

On a bit of a more serious note let's say it is a bit of manipulation of the masses marketing wise.

The show is very queer friendly with a (black!) lesbian couple, a gay man, an engaged (black!) gay couple and many queer stories of different races in their cases that are told wonderfully.

I acknowledge and comment them for it but ..

The big problem is how Buddie is treated. (Or rather the very rational people who ship them)

(which their name is kind of funny because I link it to buddy cop movies that can be homoerotic when they feel like it and buddie is technically that trope)

Homosexual media (in the case of film) has always been subtext, hidden, stereotyped, twisted or been outright secret messages for the girls to uncode (cause religion 🤷🏾‍♀️).

It has only been like very recent that queer people have been gaining respect in media so it's not surprising.

What life was like in 2019 to now in terms of queer media is like night and day. The same would be for the 2000s. Gay was used as an insult. The world is quite literally changing before our eyes.

In their case, the elf scene is said to be a wink at the audience.

But the actors took it seriously. So we do as well.

Aka the battery put in they back.

They respect the same vision. 😤goated

The chemistry is undeniable, and the tropes they have parallel a lot of romantic things used historically in media. (And in the show *bathena* but🤷🏾‍♀️)

It's not an accident to say that if one of them had been female (aka the "acceptable" pairing) they'd have been together.

You could argue that if he'd been with Maddie like intended they'd be together. And little jiyun would be a sister.

She might be a Jane actually??

Back on topic.

I found it interesting when watching like a compilation (cause i did nawt watch the show before become a buddie fan) and found it hilarious because it was like their normal behavior and i felt the romantic tension shift. It was like whoooaaa holup. The air shifted.

It's very easy to spot it because at the first few episodes it was very platonic then it became very side eye....

What do you mean he's cute? What do you mean wanna go for the title?

(That scene is eternally insane)

What do you mean with other couples they're paired as a family? Consistently?

What do you mean the kid and you go on solo family outings to the zoo? Constantly? For years?

You take care of him like all the time?

What do you mean he's your kid's legal guardian and partly the reason you lived after being trapped in a well?

The actors play it romantically. Ryan does cause I remember step up.

After like a year together? Over his family? Who are not firefighters??

Ik how he is when he's flirting.

The show also (unfortunately) writes their love interests as tools of self growth for them (which can be a bit problematic cause the women aren't being treated three dimensionally characters men get to be. the two who were closest were abby, and Taylor. Shannon was so so for me personally. Which is odd because they have complex main females it's just unfortunate that the women they have for them are rarely people outside of the relationship and that's why it falls apart in the case of their relationship/people getting invested).

Nobody is quite literally written as important to each other like them. They are in a relationship no doubt. We can say queer platonic now (as they are raising a kid together?!??!! Like come on. Chim and Hen aren't like Buck and Ed. Also the good cop bad cop scene?)

It's just not sexual I'd say.

Cause emotionally, mentally all that is there.

And they could absolutely play it "straighter" 🥴 cause I've seen a plethora of male friendships (slight side eye ry we got buddy cop movies galore don't play with me!!!) where they support each other.

They don't act like that!!!! Look at this and tell me I'm wrong!

(i feel insane but I'm not i swear)

the lighting, the cut, the conversation im melting~~~!!!!

It's not inaccurate to say that the way they're written (and acted!!) is more romantic than platonic.

I'd assume they couldn't let the two hot men who represent "manliness" be together because they didn't fit into a (gay) stereotype.

But they will gladly let you advertise their show to the high heavens and bring in millions of dollars in revenue, which does upset me ngl but 🤷🏾‍♀️ hey, can't hate the player hate the game right?

#buddie #buddie meta #meta #911 fox #911 abc #eddie diaz #evan buckley #oliver stark #ryan guzman #tv analysis #tv shows #anti celebrity culture #celebrities #media criticism #adhd #infodump #opinion #queer friendly #lgbtqia #ranting #queer shows #i got carried away #i am a fangirl #i will not be stopped #i will not apologize #i will not be silenced #yapping #professional yapper #i love you to the core

[melishade]

Me after Reading the Optimus Dinobot what if

Love your what ifs

Previous Episode of the Dinobot Timeline

I guess this is a timeline now lol

So Optimus is obviously in hot water for not revealing this form to the Survey Corps and Megatron, even though he has explained that he can't control it. Hanji immediately wants to run experiments, but the Survey Corps has to take care of the coup. The bad news is that the ruling party got wind of Optimus' chaotic form and used that to slander Optimus' name throughout the public. Now the titan that was lauded as being a Savior was now being seen as someone to be feared.

It makes Optimus feel bad, obviously. All that hard work and he's being scorned and ridiculed. He can't blame the humans for their fear. However, the Survey Corps and Megatron are obviously pissed off for this injustice.

Reiner and Bertholdt are still in the Survey Corps, helping them out and obviously buying time to try and get at least Annie back. Pieck managed to worm her way into the outer rim of the rulers of the inner wall. So she's getting a substantial amount of information. Specifically about Annie's location and their experimentations on her, Eren holding both the Founding Titan and the Attack Titan, and Historia Reiss being of royal blood. Meaning the most valuable players that could turn the tide in this war and make up for the loss were standing right there. Zeke and the Jaws were no doubt a small price to pay if they could somehow get Annie, Eren, and Historia.

Rod is still able to successfully replicate the energon serum and use it on Annie while also making spares of the energon. Pieck, being closer to the inner circle, is able to find Annie, free her and take her out right before Armin, Mikasa, and Megatron get there. Pieck also manages to spot a spare energon titan serum and grabs it before bolting. Armin, Megatron, and Mikasa don't find Annie, but after a little more digging, the trio find notes on the energon serum, and now there's more of an urgency to find where the rest of the serums are and where Annie is.

The coup itself plays out like it does in the anime, not like in AOP. Because Optimus is currently feared for his titan form, Hanji thought it would be unwise to use him, and the people of Trost probably wouldn't rally behind him when marching to Sina considering what they've learned.

So the Survey Corps and Megatron break into the underground cavern to get Eren and Historia back. However, Pieck is close by, debating her options on whether to take the energon serum. She knows if she doesn't, the chance to take Eren and Historia are gone. But, she has to take a chance. Pieck takes the serum and transforms into her titan form, busting through the ceiling of the underground cavern, startling everyone. They try to use their weapons on her, but because of the energon, she's immune. The Survey Corps have to take cover, but Reiner and Bertholdt use the distraction to get to Eren and Historia. Megatron sees this and immediately bolts after them.

But because of Pieck, there's a delay. And Historia still makes the decision on her own to judo flip Rod while Kenny is watching in delight. But Rod still takes the energon serum and becomes that massive titan with energon in its system now. Kenny manages to leave unscathed because his team isn't coming in to break his focus. Reiner and Bertholdt come in to 'help' rescue Historia and free Eren. And as they're ready to bolt out of there, Megatron screams at Eren and Historia to run before fatally shooting Reiner in the neck. However, Reiner uses whatever energy he has left to transform into his titan form to take Bertholdt, Historia, and Eren out of there. Megatron is ready to pursue in his bipedal mode, but there's the matter of the Survey Corps still being in danger and the massive lumbering titan heading towards one of the walled towns. Pieck does manage to catch Reiner in titan form running away and quickly bolts after him, surprised at how fast she's able to run now. Reiner gets out of his titan form and he and Bertholdt take a depressed Eren and screaming Historia away. The Survey Corps do manage to escape the rubble, and so does Kenny, but not his team as they get crushed. Megatron informs them all that Reiner is a titan shifter and he took Eren and Historia. Ymir quickly turns into a titan and bolts after them, ignoring the screams of her comrades. She barely manages to see Pieck climbing over the wall and screams Historia's name in titan form, while Historia screams Ymir's name.

Normally, the Survey Corps would have pursued, but again, Rod's titan form. They have to focus their resources there to prevent civilians from being killed. Megatron and Optimus end up tag teaming to take out Rod's titan form with the civilians in the walled town watching. Optimus also uses his Dinobot form during the battle, and everyone is in awe to see Optimus and Megatron work together like this.

When it's over, Ymir informs them in sorrow that Historia and Ymir have been captured by Marley, and everyone is devastated, but Megatron is the one asking what Marley is. Ymir explains that's its the most powerful nation in the outside world, and that humanity is not extinct at all.

A few notes:

-The monarchy government is replaced with the military government, but because of the Survey Corps actions and Optimus and Megatron's battle prowess, the public don't seem to mind them being in power. Megatron and Optimus were able to prove they are trustworthy.

-Because Reiner and co flee to Marley, the Survey Corps are able to retake Wall Maria with no casualties, using Optimus, Megatron, and Ymir to eliminate the titans.

-Kenny's been captured and interrogated for obvious reasons, but Kenny is willing to spill what he knows. Specifically how Eren's father Grisha stole the power of the titans from Rod years ago. With Mikasa's help, they do find the basement and manage to pry open the drawer with the notebooks with brute force. And they get more history about the current outside world since Ymir's knowledge is no doubt outdated.

-Ymir, Armin, Mikasa, and Optimus are the most devastated out of the loss of Eren and Historia for obvious reasons.

-Megatron does notice the photo and how the kid looks similar to Zeke, now that he's completely healed. No one actually knew Zeke's name up until the notebook's discovery. So Megatron brings it up during interrogation of Zeke. He brings up his name first, which gets a visible reaction. Then Megatron shows the picture, which Zeke is surprised by, then Megatron brings up Grisha Jaeger by name, pointing at the standing man. Zeke realizes that the Founding Titan is being held by Eren Jaeger, his brother and decides to offer his help to the Survey Corps on the condition he be granted immunity. Megatron questions why he should even bother doing that, and Zeke retorts that if Marley has both someone of royal blood and the Founding Titan, that it's only a matter of time before they get around the vow renouncing war. They need him in order to stop Marley's continued reign over the world and the abuse of Eldians everywhere. Megatron says he'll run it by the military first.

(Man this was not something I was not expecting with the Dinobot timeline)

#attack on prime #tfp #attack on titan #snk #aot #transformers prime #send me asks #shingeki no kyojin #asks #ao3 #tfp optimus #tfp optimus prime #optimus prime #megatron #tfp megatron #pieck finger #bertholdt hoover #annie leonhart #reiner braun #survey corps #eren jaeger #historia reiss #ymir freckles #rod reiss #zeke jaeger #maccadam #macadam #what if tfp optimus had his dinobot for from rescue bots in AOP AKA the dinobot timeline #kenny ackerman

[tendertenebrosity]

Confession

Getting a little burned out on the novel, so here is something fun, whumpy and minimally edited, featuring Julien, my old OC.

“All right,” the guard who’d driven the cart said. “I think it’s time. Say your piece.”

The crowd hushed, then stirred and hushed again, like ripples of condemnation spreading across the sea of faces looking up at Julien, where he stood on the dais.

He had already been trying to hold his head up as well he could in the face of the crowd; he made more of an effort. The chains on his wrists clinked - they made it impossible to stand as straight as he would have liked.

“I,” he began, and had to stop to wet his lips. “I am… Julien Monthaith, formerly Julien Caithir. Until recently, self-styled Prince Regent and First of the Council of Chiefs. Known to many of you as the Usurper.”

A murmur ran across the crowd. Well, it’s true, he thought. Did you think I didn’t know you called me that? It stopped hurting me a long time ago. Didn’t it?

He tried not to pick faces out of the crowd. Elene had wanted this to be done at the time when there’d be peak traffic in the square, but he’d probably have drawn people here no matter what hour. Is there not one of you whose life was better under my rule? Not one of you who I helped? Nobody with me to thank for their job, their education, their son or daughter still being alive?

They’d be unlikely to say so, if there was. Not in this crowd.

“I confess. To conspiring with Laithann’s enemies, subverting her laws and her sovereignty, and oppressing her people.” He took a deep breath. “I confess to treason. To betrayal of my family and the rightful heir. My seizure of the throne was unlawful, and the titles I claimed illegitimate. I now pledge my loyalty - completely and unreservedly - to the true and rightful monarch of Laithann, Queen Elene.”

That last part was true. He suspected nobody would really believe it, but it was. Actually all of it was true - he had just left out any lines in which he said he regretted any of it. Perhaps unwise of him, when he’d been given the leeway to write his own words rather than just rattling off whatever confession he’d been given to memorise in his cell.

Faolan had fought hard to save his life, Julien knew. Elene could change her mind just as easily.

Maybe one day you’ll understand, Elene. Of all of us, you surely know more than even me of what they were capable of.

Then again, maybe she wouldn’t. Julien wasn’t sure he could blame her.

The crowd started up again once it was obvious Julien had finished talking. A babble of voices, some of them jeering and angry, some of them almost jubilant.

Not many of those. He was a little surprised - nobody had laughed or cheered at most of the public punishments Julien had been to, but he thought this time would be different.

This time it was Julien.

“All right,” the second guard said. Julien knew her; she’d been a Montaith soldier since she was old enough to hold a sword. “One down, four to go.”

The guards motioned for Julien to come down off the dais, and he came easily, his head held high.

He had a sickening feeling he wasn’t going to be able to keep that up for long, as they fastened the short length of chain between his wrists to a rope behind the cart.

The cart set off, with Julien walking behind it, the Montaith soldier guard a little way behind him.

Oh, they were only going slowly. A walking pace. This was supposed to be humiliating, not lethal. But somehow - when he’d pictured this, in the small hours of the morning - he hadn’t accounted for how tiring this would be after the first street. How heavy and awkward it was with his wrists in chains in front of him.

Even before the gauntlet really started.

How did they decide who got to take part in this bit? He wondered, with a detachment he tried to cling to. Was there a lottery, was it whoever got there first, had they appointed people… surely competition had been fierce.

The first stick that cracked across his shoulders made him stagger, but he kept his feet. Pain in a line across his back, not unbearable, just - striking. Distracting. Enough to make him hiss between his teeth but nothing more. The crowd was weirdly quiet here, too - Julien had always kind of thought there was supposed to be a lot of noise at this sort of thing?

The second - the third -

He fell at the fifth, couldn’t get his feet underneath him fast enough to keep up with the cart. The Montaith guard was quick on her feet though, calling for the cart to stop before he could be dragged far at all, scooping him up off the road.

“Thank you,” he said, dazed, his arms and knees afire, as she steadied him. Like an idiot.

She looked at him like - oh, like he was disgusting. And he was, wasn’t he? That was what all this was about.

He’d done this for them. Hadn’t he? In the beginning. He let his gaze drift, unfocused over the crowd as they started to walk again. Someone stepped forward - he did not look at them - whistle, crack, across his shoulders.

I did it for you. And you hate me.

That’s fine.

-

They didn’t have him walk all of the way around the city. After all, they weren’t trying to kill him. Then again, he thought dizzily on one of the sections when he’d been allowed to climb up into the back of the cart and rest with his head on his folded aching arms, if some overenthusiastic citizen had suspiciously good aim, if the guards were a little too slow in calling a stop to things… what was Faolan going to do about it?

There were five major squares in the city. Julien stood in the centre of each, on a dais or atop steps if there were any. He said the words he’d prepared - project your voice, Julien, what sort of public speaker are you, he thought with vague hysteria at the third stop, with blood seeping through the shoulders of his shirt and the knees of his pants, and his legs trembling. He'd bitten his cheek at the last fall. Not going to command any hearts and minds if you mumble!

The crowd murmured angrily, and swallowed up his speech like an empty cavern with no echoes, and arranged itself behind the lines of people with switches to watch him walk through again.

The Montaith guard - what was her name? He knew it - hauled him up each time he fell, told the other guard to stop the cart and bundled him up into it on the last stretch. He didn’t thank her again. Even if he’d wanted to… he didn’t have the breath or thought to spare for anything but pain.

-

“I… I…” Julien blinked, his vision blurry. His ears roared; was it the crowd? Or just in his head? He couldn’t see them. The crowd he knew was there.

He was supposed to be talking.

Blood was trickling through his hair and down the side of his face; he made a cut-off movement of his hand to try and brush it aside, but the metal around his wrists was so heavy he didn’t get it more than a few inches.

He clung to the arm of the guard shamefully tightly, knowing that if he didn’t he would fall. He had lost count of how many times he had fallen, and it hurt more every time. And the words - he needed to get out the words. What had the words been?

“I am Julien Montaith,” he said, to whoever might be there. “I am… I was… self, self-styled, Prince Regent, and… and… I am the Usurper.” The words he’d repeated to himself in the cell below the palace were gone, and he floundered after them. God, everything hurt. Everything hurt so much.

“And?” she muttered at his side.

“I confess,” he started, and let his head sag. “I’m sorry. I’m trying. I confess - I don’t - I confess to treason, and betrayal, and - and - I seized - I conspired - please, I’m trying….”

Was the crowd roaring still? Had they heard him? It was really important that the crowd heard him.

His knees were jelly. His whole body seemed to throb, in time with the roaring in his ears, except for one long stripe from shoulder to opposite hip that burned no matter what everything else was doing. It felt deep. What had it been? Who had it been?

“Come on,��� the guard said, giving him a little shake. It hurt, but he didn’t think she meant it to. She was going in and out of focus. “Nearly done. This is the last time.”

It was? Julien wasn’t certain.

He lifted his head anyway. “I c-confess to the betrayal of Laithann,” he said, the words coming out strained but audible. They were just words, he no longer really understood their meaning; it had seemed really important to him when this had started that he mean it, but he didn’t. Couldn’t. “The titles I… I claimed were not l-lawful or le…legitimate.” This last bit was the most important, wasn’t it? “I pledge… I pledge my loyalty to the true Queen, Elene...”

“There,” the guard at his side said. “Finally. Done.”

“No, it’s not. He hasn’t said it properly,” someone said, distant - the other guard? “That wasn’t what he said at the other stops. It wasn’t what he was supposed to say.”

“Look, I think it’s all we’re going to get,” the guard at his side said. She let go of Julien’s arm - he swayed - slithered down onto his knees on the cobblestones.

Everything was spinning. Everything hurt. He’d said the words wrong. Were they going to make him walk? He could not. He could not walk. He heard the guards arguing quietly over his head, and the dissatisfied muttering of the crowd.

If Julien could have talked, he would have told them just to run him through right here, if they were going to try and make him walk more. Would the crowd finally cheer at that? Or would they just - buzz and roar, like so many bees?

I loved you once, he thought, with difficulty, through the fire raging across his back and his head and his joints. You loved me, once. His mind had shrunk down to just his body, just pain, and something important was behind that thought but he couldn’t think of what it could be.

Evidently the Montaith guard won. They slung Julien’s arms over their shoulders, and loaded him into the cart, and took him home.

Did I say I was sorry? Am I sorry?

I don’t think I am. Still.

#whump writing #public punishment #running the gauntlet #public confession #royalty whump #blood mention #violence #Julien the Usurper

[frazzledsoul]

One of my favorite undervalued Gilmore Girls episodes is the season 1 episode Emily In Wonderland, where Rory takes Emily around Stars Hollow and Emily is actually having a great time until Rory takes her to the shack where she lived when she was a child and we can see what a disheveled mess it was, but Rory is oblivious and talks about it like this existence was a fairy tale, because that's the way Lorelai taught her to see it. We can see how Lorelai shielded Rory from how dire their circumstances actually were, and yet we can see the reality of it and how hurt Emily is that Lorelai chose to live like that.

The modern fandom does not get this. Emily is always a villain, everything she does is irredeemable, and Lorelai's actions are always right because she's the main character and Gilmore Girls is a feminist fairy tale and therefore Lorelai can never be wrong.

But objectively? It's a bad idea to take your child out of a safe and secure home and run away to live in a shack and work as a maid. The fact that Rory didn't understand that it was a struggle doesn't mean it was a great idea. Lorelai grew up with what she thought were too many rules, so she over-corrected and never established boundaries, and thus as an adult Rory doesn't have much of an ability to function as a grown-up and because of the money she has access to, doesn't need to work and often chooses not to. And of course, the same thing happens: she ends up pregnant by an unavailable man, likely destined to repeat her mother's life patterns.

The thing about all of that is that I think the whole book idea was supposed to echo back to Emily In Wonderland. Lorelai did not want Rory to write about that situation in detail, did not want to outline how risky and unwise Lorelai's teen mom behavior actually was. It's okay if Rory writes about how she experienced it...because as far as Rory is concerned, even at 32, it's still a fairy tale. But Lorelai doesn't want her to write about what it was actually like. Because similar to Jess's childhood with Liz, or even some other aspects of Luke's past such as caring for a dying parent alone, is beyond the capabilities of this show to accurately depict. It wasn't a fairy tale, it was a risky gamble that worked out fabulously for Lorelai in the end but probably wasn't much fun for quite a while. Rory is still immune to much of the reality of it, and doesn't understand this.

It does make me feel more compassion for Lorelai, even if the AYITL narrative is screaming that Lorelai needs to get over it and let Rory dissect her secrets for public consumption because Rory would rather do that instead of get a job or work towards one. There's a stage you get to as an adult when you realize your childhood was more fucked up than you realized at the time, and it shouldn't take writing a book to get there. ASP is reluctant to fill in the gaps on that line of logic, so we're just supposed to interpret Lorelai telling Rory no as unjust, even though Lorelai said she was okay with Rory just writing her interpretation of events.

#i also never understood why lorelai didn't bring up rory writing about her personal life because hellllllooooo #anyway #emily in wonderland #gilmore girls

[fireleaptfromhousetohouse]

Old-style Paedoing, Before It Got Such A Bad Name

Epistemic status: understanding the recent past, which I wasn’t around for, mainly through the lens of comedies, rumour, and scuttlebutt

The story goes that it was an open secret for many years that Sir Jimmy Savile, knight of the realm, was a horrible sex pervert before it all came to light and he was declared a posthumous monster. And this is true - but the specifics are rather vague.

A lot of sources (or, as they are now, brave prescient voices) were bang-on certain he was into some kind of sex crime, but weren’t sure exactly what. Viz simply painted him as a man whose (unspecified) confessional was worth hearing. An early Mitchell and Webb bit came in on some shocking report midway through, leaving the actual deeds as a noodle incident but quite clear they were appalling: ‘you think you know a guy, and then he goes and does something like that.’ Even Johnny Rotten, back in ‘78, went no further than charging him with ‘seediness’ and saying ‘I know some rumours’ in an edgy-kid stream-of-consciousness about all the people he’d like to kill, where he displays a bit too much knowledge about what does and doesn’t constitute libel.

The general charge, if any, seemed to be necrophilia. Lee and Herring’s bit where they dressed as Savile ended with the punchline ‘bagsy I take him to the morgue’. One of Irvine Welsh’s earlier novellas has a Cornish Savile-alike wantonly indulging in any corpse he had access to - Welsh’s version is a more general TV personality rather than specifically a children’s entertainer, probably for fear of litigation. This was no idle fear, Savile was well-known for taking such insinuations courtside, and of course he did sue when Chris Morris falsely announced his death on Radio 1, with the coda ‘the patients [at Savile hunting ground Stoke-Mandeville Hospital] are far from mourning...The majority, if not all of them, are extremely relieved that he’s now dead, although I suspect that some of them will be sorry that he didn't suffer a great deal more’.

Interestingly, Lee and Herring - as they’ve stated publicly - weren’t brave prescient voices. Hanging around Television Centre in their mid-twenties, they’d become aware of this - to them, absurd - rumour that Savile troubled the corpses. They decided that if nothing else it was game for a laugh, presumably with a BBC lawyer standing nervously in the wings and demanding they not get too specific.

Until Savile’s death, this remained a rather murky Soviet truth, and Savile himself remained a respected public figure. Within the third millennium, even as Chris Morris was being castigated for the Paedogeddon special of Brass Eye, BBC brightly-coloured-blobs children’s show The Tweenies had one of its blobs dress up as Savile as a bit of lighthearted fun - in an edition of the show which was, unwisely, repeated in 2013.

(Side note: the same tabloids which threw an ape over the obviously satirical Paedogeddon regularly ran pictures of topless 16-year-olds, until a change in the law in 2003 forced them to stop.)

It’s all out now, of course, but like the sun is one of those things people are wary of looking at directly for fear of the damage it could do. Savile made full abuse of his position as a public figure, to the point that he himself admitted to the necrophilia in idle conversation. Even by the loose standards of the British constabulary they admit there were over 200 actionable complaints made against Savile over the years.

The crux is this - Savile having committed all these beyond-the-pale acts becomes a very convenient way to paper over the point at which, in the broader consciousness, paedophilia went from ‘crime’ to ‘unforgivable, lowest-circle-of-hell crime’ in the vein of necrophilia. Because it was far more acceptable not too long ago, as many legendary musicians can attest. Gary Glitter generally just seemed shocked people were suddenly taking it so seriously - as did Jeffrey Epstein. 

Louis Theroux’s rather regretful pair of documentaries about Savile has the man himself being quite blase about his attitude to underage girls - as were the girls themselves, some of whom, while young at the time, were by their own account quite aware what might be on the cards. Does this make them culpable? Of course not, they were children. But there are those who would disagree. At the time, many would have and did disagree - including, quite likely, serving police constables. The Rotherham grooming gang, so beloved a talking point of those who just want to have a go at Pakistanis in general, were enabled top to bottom by a police force who considered their victims to be ‘slags’.

[mariana-oconnor]

The Beryl Coronet pt 1

Another one where I remember the title and then literally nothing else. There are a lot like that. I swear I have read most of these before, and watched the entire Granada series, but apparently my memory is just appalling.

One assumes that there will be a beryl coronet involved. i think beryls might be emeralds? (The Internet says both aquamarine and emerald are examples of beryl, my fleeting interest two decades ago in precious and semiprecious stones finally pays off!)

“Holmes,” said I as I stood one morning in our bow-window looking down the street, “here is a madman coming along. It seems rather sad that his relatives should allow him to come out alone.”

So we're starting out strong here. In one paragraph we have established that Watson is living with Holmes ('our bow-window') (where is his wife?) and with some period-typical judgement of mental health. I'm guessing the man in question is probably agitated from whatever incident has sent him to request Holmes' assistance, and not suffering from a mental illness, but the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. Or it could be the onset of brain fever...

For a while he could not get his words out, but swayed his body and plucked at his hair like one who has been driven to the extreme limits of his reason. Then, suddenly springing to his feet, he beat his head against the wall with such force that we both rushed upon him and tore him away to the centre of the room.

Well that definitely sounds like he does have some condition. And if he didn't before, beating your head against a wall that hard is liable to give you some brain damage if you're not lucky. Glad that Watson and Holmes stopped him.

"Public disgrace I might have faced, although I am a man whose character has never yet borne a stain. Private affliction also is the lot of every man; but the two coming together, and in so frightful a form, have been enough to shake my very soul. Besides, it is not I alone. The very noblest in the land may suffer unless some way be found out of this horrible affair.”

Oh, no, I was right the first time. He's just agitated by his misfortune. Wow... this guy lacks coping mechanisms. He's really hyping this up, though, Public disgrace, private affliction, shaking his soul, the very noblest in the land (not that I particularly care about them, but the stakes they are high). I assume from the title that it's a beryl coronet that has been misplaced in some publicly noticeable way. If it turns out that he just misplaced the meat for his dinner, I will be judging him hard for all this melodrama.

“I feel that time is of value,” said he; “that is why I hastened here when the police inspector suggested that I should secure your co-operation. I came to Baker Street by the Underground and hurried from there on foot, for the cabs go slowly through this snow. That is why I was so out of breath, for I am a man who takes very little exercise."

Mr Holder: Time is of the essence.

Also Mr Holder:

We don't need to know how you got to Baker Street, we already know you arrived. Maybe if things are so urgent you should... start with the urgent thing and then talk about how unfit you are and how you need to do more exercise.

“‘It is absolutely essential to me,’ said he, ‘that I should have £50,000 at once. I could, of course, borrow so trifling a sum ten times over from my friends, but I much prefer to make it a matter of business and to carry out that business myself. In my position you can readily understand that it is unwise to place one's self under obligations.’"

First off, hello BofE inflation calculator: 50k in modern money is approximately £5.2 million today.

Second, 'I could just ask my friends. I totally could ask them and they could all give me this money easily. I'm only here because I want this to be business. I don't want to be obliged to them.' Why does this very famous person (Prince of Wales?) feel so defensive about this? He doesn't need to explain why he's asking a bank not his friends. That's literally what the bank is there for. This feels like what someone would say if they didn't have any friends. Or if they'd already borrowed millions from their friends and never paid them back.

“‘Next Monday I have a large sum due to me, and I shall then most certainly repay what you advance, with whatever interest you think it right to charge. But it is very essential to me that the money should be paid at once.’"

I know this guy is famous and (probably) royal and therefore by the rules of these stories therefore probably above reproach, but I would not want to give him a 5 million pound loan. The 'I could totally ask my friends' and this 'I'm totally going to pay you back on Monday. I've got loads of money coming on Monday' are warning signs for me.

"‘You have doubtless heard of the Beryl Coronet?’ “‘One of the most precious public possessions of the empire,’ said I."

Yep, my money is on this being Albert, Prince of Wales, him what would become Edward VII. Iirc he had a bit of a reputation for being a party boy prince, so if he really can't get any money from his friends (even if asking for 5 million were a reasonably thing to do) I wouldn't be surprised if it was because he wasn't good at paying people back.

This mfer just casually totes around some of the crown jewels, though. Just got 10 million in a case that he's carrying around. No one will miss it for a little while. I guess at this time they weren't on display at the Tower of London. I really want this coronet to be stolen so bad, and I have a feeling it's going to be.

"...imbedded in soft, flesh-coloured velvet..."

Whytf did you call it 'flesh-coloured'? Is the colour that important that you needed to specify it, and even if you needed to specify it, why choose those words? Why? Couldn't it have been red, or blue, or green? Why 'flesh-coloured'? ACD, I just want to talk.

"'Is the security sufficient?’ “‘Ample.’"

Well, if this guy says there's ample security, I guess there must be. Clearly that's enough reassurance for me to leave my ten million pound shiny hat here with no problems at all. Details? Who needs details? Pah. It's just a priceless object that technically belongs to the state rather than me.

I don't want this coronet to be recovered. I want it to be lost forever. Whoever stole it should get a gold star.

But it's okay because he makes it very clear that it shouldn't be lost or damaged.

"When I was alone once more, however, with the precious case lying upon the table in front of me..."

And then walks out leaving it just on the desk of this random guy he's never met before.

"I already regretted having ever consented to take charge of it."

Should have thought about that earlier, my dude. Also, if you know it's a national possession, is it even legal for the Prince of Wales to use it as collateral for a loan? Surely it would have to actually be one of his possessions to be valid. Or at least having the signature of the actual owner (Queen Victoria in this case, although possibly parliament?) to be used as such. Nothing about this loan is a good idea.

If he doesn't repay it are you just going to... keep national property?

"However, it was too late to alter the matter now, so I locked it up in my private safe and turned once more to my work."

You just... put it in your own private safe?

WTF even is this buffoonery? How is this... What is this... I can't even. Does the bank not have a secure vault? With guards etc.? But no, any safe will do.

"I determined, therefore, that for the next few days I would always carry the case backward and forward with me, so that it might never be really out of my reach."

I guess the bank does not have a vault. Or a night watchman, or literally ANY KIND OF WAY OF DEALING WITH ITEMS LIKE THIS. When it seems that this is something that they are in the habit of doing, although maybe not on this level. And they clearly have £1000 notes hanging around. Do they just all have them in their individual safes as well?

"I did not breathe freely until I had taken it upstairs and locked it in the bureau of my dressing-room."

Super secure. A+ job.

I've seen those old bureaus, the locks are so simple I could pick one with one of my hair pins!

I am fully on the side of any and all thieves in this escapade (unless it turns out the Prince of Wales has hired them himself for nefarious purposes) but at this point in time I have lost most of the sympathy I have for these people.

The only reason I don't think it should be stolen right now is that, honestly, it presents so little challenge to any potential thieves it's actually insulting.

"She came with an excellent character, however, and has always given me satisfaction."

Language evolves, meaning changes, this does not mean what it looks like it means. But still, it gives me the ick. Nope. No thank you. Especially when followed by the description of how pretty she is.

"My family itself is so small that it will not take me long to describe it. I am a widower and have an only son, Arthur. He has been a disappointment to me, Mr. Holmes—a grievous disappointment."

Oh boy. So you took a ten million pound coronet and locked it in a desk in the same house as a son who is perpetually in debt and cannot be trusted with money. Even if he didn't take it, which seems likely as he's clearly being marked as the most obvious suspect. I stg you should not be this foolish.

“And, indeed, I could not wonder that such a man as Sir George Burnwell should gain an influence over him, for [...] I have found myself that I could hardly resist the fascination of his manner. He is older than Arthur, a man of the world to his finger-tips, one who had been everywhere, seen everything, a brilliant talker, and a man of great personal beauty. Yet when I think of him in cold blood, far away from the glamour of his presence, I am convinced from his cynical speech and the look which I have caught in his eyes that he is one who should be deeply distrusted. So I think, and so, too, thinks my little Mary, who has a woman's quick insight into character."

Add a fae to the tally of Sherlock Holmes supernatural encounters. Also, I'm going to call it now, Arthur is blameless and Mary is in love with Sir George Burnwell and they're going to run away together, or that's what he told her when he convinced her to steal the coronet. That's my theory. We shall see...

"She is a sunbeam in my house—sweet, loving, beautiful, a wonderful manager and housekeeper, yet as tender and quiet and gentle as a woman could be."

A thief? Honestly I want her to be even more after this description. The Victorian ideals of femininity were so trite. I hope she stole that coronet.

"I think that if anyone could have drawn him into the right path it would have been she, and that his marriage might have changed his whole life; but now, alas! it is too late—forever too late!"

... it is not a woman's job to fix a man, Mr Holder. If this story ends with her marrying Arthur I will be very sad. Although from the 'too late' is one of them dead?

“When we were taking coffee in the drawing-room that night after dinner, I told Arthur and Mary my experience, and of the precious treasure which we had under our roof, suppressing only the name of my client."

You just... told them about it. Just... He says be discreet. It's 10 million pounds (£100k at the time). Your son has money problems. And you're just out here chatting about how you have essentially part of the crown jewels of the British Empire in a drawer upstairs.

My dude...

My actual dude...

You should have just taken the coronet out and used it as a centrepiece. it would have been less obvious.

Also, it's part of the crown jewels, how much use do you think 'suppressing the name of your client' is going to bloody be. There aren't a lot of people who can just help themselves to national bloody treasures.

“‘Where have you put it?’ asked Arthur. “‘In my own bureau.’ “‘Well, I hope to goodness the house won't be burgled during the night.’ said he. “‘It is locked up,’ I answered. “‘Oh, any old key will fit that bureau. When I was a youngster I have opened it myself with the key of the box-room cupboard.’"

That's what I said! Also... this is evidence in Arthur's favour because only the stupidest person in the world would say 'I could steal that' and then steal it. Although... given the levels of intelligence his father is showing, we can't hold out much hope for him. Perhaps his mother was the brains of this operation. I hope for Arthur's sake he takes more after her than his father.

"I started to go round the house to see that all was secure—a duty which I usually leave to Mary but which I thought it well to perform myself that night. As I came down the stairs I saw Mary herself at the side window of the hall, which she closed and fastened as I approached. “‘Tell me, dad,’ said she, looking, I thought, a little disturbed, ‘did you give Lucy, the maid, leave to go out to-night?’"

I'm going to try not to make this a Naval Treaty situation again. Data, data, data, etc. So instead of making an accusation here, I'm merely going to ask what Mary was doing at the window before she closed it, and point out that she is drawing attention to another possible suspect and also has good knowledge of all ways to access the house and ample opportunity to leave something open or unlocked.

These may all be coincidences. There are potential valid explanations for all of these things.

Or she might have just sent a message to Sir George Burnwell and planning to steal a coronet this evening.

“‘She came in just now by the back door. I have no doubt that she has only been to the side gate to see someone, but I think that it is hardly safe and should be stopped.’"

Though the narrative now wants us to think that Lucy is meeting with Sir George Burnwell... but my money is still on Mary. We already know Lucy has lots of suitors who hang around the grounds, she might well have been meeting with one of them.

"Are you sure that everything is fastened?’ “‘Quite sure, dad.’"

Only her word for that.

Not that I'm accusing her of anything. I'm merely... pointing things out. Factual things.

“‘Arthur!’ I screamed [...] "He appeared to be wrenching at it, or bending it with all his strength. At my cry he dropped it from his grasp and turned as pale as death. I snatched it up and examined it. One of the gold corners, with three of the beryls in it, was missing. “‘You blackguard!’ I shouted, beside myself with rage. ‘You have destroyed it! You have dishonoured me forever! Where are the jewels which you have stolen?’"

Some other facts that have been established. Arthur loves Mary and has asked her to marry him on multiple occasions. Just throwing that one out there. If he is trying to cover up a crime/take the blame for someone... perhaps...

Also, Mr Holder 'You have dishonoured me forever!'? Sure, but you dishonoured yourself first by being so very, very bad at your job. You had one job.

“‘You have called me names enough,’ said he, ‘I will not stand it any longer. I shall not say another word about this business, since you have chosen to insult me. I will leave your house in the morning and make my own way in the world.’"

Arthur making some interesting choices here. Like 'I know I was just found with my hands on a broken national treasure, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to walk out of this one a free man.'

When you said he was spoiled, Mr Holder, I didn't think you meant that he really didn't understand the meaning of the word 'consequences' at all.

Although maybe you should have listened to him before biting his head off. I know things look pretty damning, but maybe talking would have been a better approach. "Hey, son. What you got there?" But I get that it's a little difficult to remain calm when you're looking at the twisted remains of both a ten million dollar mistake and your entire career/life.

"Mary was the first to rush into my room, and, at the sight of the coronet and of Arthur's face, she read the whole story and, with a scream, fell down senseless on the ground."

Convenient. First, that she was so close to the room that she would be the first to rush in, and second, that she's now unavailable for questioning.

But seriously, Mary, I am behind you all the way on this. Keep at it! I am cheering you on. I hope your performance was Oscar worthy.

I don't know what Arthur expects his father to do here. Lie, maybe, and say 'I don't know what happened to it, Your Royal Highness. Must have been a random thief and absolutely not the son who I told the location to and who I found red-handed with it.' I firmly believe he's innocent and his father walked in on him trying to fix the thing, but even so he's coming across as kind of naive here. I get maybe hoping that Daddy wouldn't turn him in, but he must have thought it was a possibility.

“‘At least,’ said he, ‘you will not have me arrested at once. It would be to your advantage as well as mine if I might leave the house for five minutes.’"

Before Sir George can get away with the missing gems.

Mary, keep playing dead, if you faint for long enough you'll miss all of it. Although your... maybe potential boyfriend... might ditch you. Probably will ditch you. If that's what's happening. I really hope he's not just playing you and the two of you are going to take those gems, get them recut and sold, and sail off into the sunset (hopefully not interrupted by a random shipwrecking incident), but something tells me Sir George Burnwell is playing you.

"...I implored him to remember that not only my honour but that of one who was far greater than I was at stake; and that he threatened to raise a scandal which would convulse the nation."

This is not a convincing argument. Honestly, if I was told that what I was doing might cause a scandal for the royal family, I would absolutely have the impulse to do it harder. I get that I am not the Victorian son of a gentleman, but still. 'You have to save the royal family from scandal' would just make me laugh. They wouldn't be in a scandal if they hadn't done something scandalous.

"A search was made at once not only of his person but of his room and of every portion of the house where he could possibly have concealed the gems; but no trace of them could be found, nor would the wretched boy open his mouth for all our persuasions and our threats."

When would he have had time to hide them that well, considering he was still holding the coronet when you found him? Also, if he is, as I suspect, covering for Mary, then he's probably sure he's doing the noble and honourable thing by protecting her reputation or whatever.

"My God, what shall I do! I have lost my honour, my gems, and my son in one night. Oh, what shall I do!”

Well, maybe you start by inventing time travel to go back and tell your past self to do better.

Tbf, regarding his mental state, if I had, through my own fault, lost/damaged an object someone had entrusted to me that was worth ten million pounds, particularly someone with as much power as the Prince of Wales, I would be in a catatonic state. So yeah. But also, any sympathy I have had for Mr Holder has been lost at every single step of this process. Why does the bank not have a vault for this purpose? Why did he take it home when he didn't have anywhere safe to put it? Why did he tell anyone he had it? Why did he not move it after being told by his son how insecure the bureau was?

And, to back up my theory with text. Reasons I suspect Mary:

She was present during the conversation when Mr Holding told them about the coronet and where he put it.

She also heard Arthur saying how easy that bureau was to break into.

She was at the window that night for an unknown reason.

We only have her word as to the house being locked up that night.

Arthur is unwilling to say anything in his own defence, which makes me think he is covering for someone. The only person we have been given reason to believe he would protect in the text (other than maybe his father) is Mary. He could be secretly in love with Lucy, but given we already have evidence of his affection for Mary, that would be an abrupt turn.

So that's my theory: Sir George Burnwell and Mary are secret lovers and Mary, hearing about the golden opportunity her foolish uncle has presented her with, tells her lover, then either Mary or both of them, go to steal it. Arthur, who honestly might have been in there trying to get £200 for his own debts, witnesses this, attempts to stop it. The coronet is broken. Either Burnwell gets away with the jewels, or Mary does and gives them to him (through the window we saw her at earlier perhaps?) and then hears the yelling and runs upstairs just in time to give the theatrical performance of her life.

#Letters from Watson #The Beryl Coronet #Sherlock Holmes #Yes I am back on my bullshit #But Mary's totally guilty #right? #I'd be more positive about it if I wasn't also pretty sure she's being manipulated into it and won't get to see any profit #She gaslit gatekept girlbossed too close to the sun

[kradogsrats]

I'm cheating and working a bit on the NCNE opening fic, which has somehow developed a morgue scene and a cameo appearance by Opeli, so here's some Katolis Clerical Order headcanon:

First of all, "Clerical Order" is clunky but the actual equivalent would be "clergy" and that makes the explicitly Christian roots of the word way too obvious, so we're going with the clunk.

The roots of the Order may be religious(?), if you go back far enough(?), but that is largely forgotten history. At present time, they are essentially a regimented professional society of public servants. They do, however, retain a high degree of control and involvement in traditional rituals that we would normally consider to be religious.

This includes basically all celebratory/ritualized legal procedures like marriage, formal recording of the birth/naming of a child or an adoption, and funerary rites. These are overseen mostly by the oldest, root branch of the Order, which would be considered the most religion-adjacent. The Cleric of the High Council traditionally comes from this branch.

Educated professions with a high level of regulation—medicine, law, and teaching—are also all regulated by branches of the Clerical Order. Aspirants of these disciplines may be trained in apprenticeships, but they must be certified by their order before they can practice in a government-run hospital, court, or school.

Less prestigious, but also included: tax collectors, a side branch of the legal order. Parts of the legal branch are also heavily intertwined with the military for the purposes of overseeing domestic public safety (town guards, etc.).

The Cleric of the High Council (High Cleric) has an encyclopedic knowledge of Katolian law and its history, and their primary purpose on the Council is to consult on passage of new laws and amendments or repeals of existing ones. The Crown has ultimate authority in declaring the law, but it is the clerics who will interpret and enforce it... so going against the High Cleric's advice has historically not worked out well. The High Cleric is among the top-ranking members of the Clerical Order as a whole, but as one member of an internal council of equals, not an absolute authority.

The Clerical Order has long-time anti-dark magic leanings, going back at least as far as the tail end of the Mage Wars and the Orphan Queen. Tradition dictates that it was the clerics who brought Katolis out of the chaos of the Mage Wars, largely by completely separating magic from all aspects of governance. Over the centuries, they have tried at several points to push for the total outlaw of dark magic in Katolian lands, but these campaigns were either unsuccessful or did not last for long due to concerns about ensuing imbalance of power between the five kingdoms.

Side note on that: after the Mage Wars, the emergent five kingdoms settled into a sort of détente with the understanding that the involvement of dark magic in any internal military conflict was essentially a mutually-assured-destruction scenario. The Mage Wars were characterized by periods of atrocities unimaginable without the use of magic, and while the overall power level of dark magic has long been in decline in the west, no one wants to risk a return to continuously escalating war crimes. Use of dark magic in open conflict with Xadia is more of a gray area, though its generally considered an unwise direction due to the concern it would cause within the kingdoms (who's next?) and the potential for large-scale retaliation from Xadia itself. Any kingdom that made the first move of bringing dark magic into the simmering border conflict risks finding itself abandoned by allies and the target of an annihilation-level invasion from elven and draconic forces. (Zubeia was actually fairly restrained in only ordering the assassination. Wiping Katolis off the map would have been within her rights, politically. There were probably some elven factions pushing for it.)

#headcanons #whoops that kind of wound up being about #dark magic #but the impetus was lissa being ashamed of what the clerics who prepared viren's body must have thought of his corruption SO #neither crows nor eagles au

[consultingjedi]

the sleep no more excerpt dropped, and i… have a lot of thoughts. too many thoughts. nearly two thousand words of thoughts under the cut (though half of those are quotes).

!!! huge spoilers for all of the october daye series !!!

(some details referenced from the wiki. thank you wiki contributors, you're amazing.)

> The two Moving Days, when the least among us—those ranked even lower than changelings like myself—are free to pack up their lives and move along to their next home.

whee, starting off immediately fucked up. the moving day description is very "the exception that proves the rule" – apparently fae can only leave at this time.

also, no doubt that changelings' lots are even worse now than they were before.

> Oberon himself has granted his blessing

has he? has he, titania? is he even around, by choice or otherwise?

> the levels of hospitality required by Oberon’s decree and not a crumb or comment more

color me unsurprised that amandine holds to the mere letter of the law and no more.

> I felt shamefully as if I held some actual station in our house.

toby fought so hard for recognition. this is a triple punch of her no longer having that recognition, still wanting that, not feeling that she deserves it.

> one of the children glanced back over her shoulder with glossy eyes and a quivering lip, making me wonder whether they had first sought sanctuary in my uncle’s halls. Fools.

well, sylvester (or some… facsimile of him) is probably around and acting terribly. rest in (hopefully temporary) peace, sylvester's character development. i wonder how much of this is luna, though.

> The bread was rich with herbs he had grown himself, and I sometimes suspected he enchanted it in some small way, to give petitioners luck on the journey yet ahead of them.

simon <3 also the back door = simon's space, front door = amandine's space is… interesting.

> removed changeling children from the household they were born to serve was not a violation of the rules, but it was unseemly at the very least, and unwise by any measure.

i will yell about this more later but. sounds bad!

> the comforting scent of smoke and roses.

on the one hand: comfort in august (and maybe simon's) magic scents! on the other hand. roses, mm, mixed connotations those have had.

> The word was devoid of context in my mind, and I opened my eyes, blinking into the dimness. What was a lawn?

and here we have the first (maybe only) evidence of leak through from the… non-titania world, whatever that may be. at the very least toby knows some things she shouldn't.

> thank Oberon and his beautiful bride

bride? singular? titania what are you doing…

> There is no shame in standing by the rules of your house.

honestly this feels like the most out of character thing for toby yet. toby, breaker of rules and shirker of authority, expressing obedience? oof.

> My blood and magic clearly felt the same, for they had never been inclined to illusions, however hard I struggled to master and call them forth. Nothing in me wished to lie.

this is… a lot. does toby know she's dochas sidhe, not daoine? if she does, does she know what that means for her in terms of magical strengths and abilities?? and "nothing in me wished to lie" – hahahah, except for the huge lie of her entire fake life that titania has forced upon her.

> The kitchen is and has always been Father’s domain. [...] I have always felt most comfortable in the kitchen and the kitchen garden.

simon and toby <3 <3 <3

> I am better left behind the scenes, protected and anonymous. Father sees that need in me, and has always done his best to nurture it.

whiplash! ouch, terribly, no good, very bad. i wonder how much of this on simon's part is an attempt to protect toby-the-changeling from the awfulness of titania's faerie, and how much of it is the changelings-as-servants mindset from that very same… (there is some interesting similarity here of toby not really enjoying the limelight/public speaking/etc, but she's no shrinking violet by any means.)

> A direct descendant of Melia, then, most likely, only two generations removed from Maeve’s dishonor.

i have many questions. is this a reference to a specific act on maeve's part or something else? a real action twisted into something else by titania or something made up entirely?

> The children of the Firstborn are meant to know better, to be better as an example for all of Faerie.

here, i wonder how much of this is amandine versus how much of it is titania.

> neither of which I was authorized to give

the difference between toby in her own home providing shelter to so many, and here in amandine's tower not having any autonomy… ow.

> It would have pained me to lie to them. I would have done it anyway, of course. I knew my duty almost as well as I knew my place.

no comment. just… fucked up.

> We dwell here, between demesnes, because [amandine] has no desire to guide or guard a holding, only to live in peace with her family and be left alone.

well, that doesn't seem like it's changed. though obviously amandine's idea of peace doesn't usually jive well with anyone else's happiness.

> Mother had taught me they were the best Maeve could do in imitating her better sister, and should be pitied but never trusted.

ah, the usual Yikes(™).

> “Golden Shore,” said Maia. “We have heard that such as we can be welcome there.” [...] it was the best any changeling born without a promised place could hope for.

interestingly, golden shore seems to be approximately equivalent to earlier canon. maybe worse in reputation, but they did take in changelings and supply food. 

> As [amandine] also refused to allow any member of her family to shop in mortal lands, we had to purchase our eggs from Golden Shore

first, wow amandine you controlling asshole. second, i bet this extends not just to shopping but to leaving the summerlands entirely. makes me wonder if titania is primarily exerting control over the summerlands and/or the kingdom of the mists, but not the rest of faerie? even for one of the Three, this must be quite an exertion of power (though it likely depends on the physicality + how many people are caught up in it, of course).

> had not Maeve so cruelly cut us off from the deeper lands of Faerie.

ahaha but oberon did that, not maeve. perhaps this is the 'dishonor' referred to earlier.

> the [changeling] children they claim rarely last a handful of seasons. They break.

fuuuuuucked up. 

> “Your kindness is noted, and will be remembered,”

toby's still toby, even after it all 😭

> The lives of changelings were short and brutal, better than humans only because they could see the glories of Faerie, worth less than both humans and fae in every other possible way.

did i say fucked up? well. fucked up. and the degree to which toby has internalized this is extra fucked up.

> Who was I, orchestrated, wanted, and beloved, to pretend at understanding what they suffered? [...] If Mother tired of me and cast me out before August was ready to establish a household of her own, I had little doubt that I wouldn’t survive the year. [...] Mother has made sure I knew that well and truly.

toby, the fact that you have a legitimate concern about this directly contradicts what you just said. subconsciously she knows that amandine doesn't love her. (also, the later offer from the hamadryad for toby to leave with them is just. even strangers can see there's a fucked up dynamic here.)

> I had never lived a day outside this tower, and Oberon willing, I never would.

hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha (sarcastic). again, though, really reinforcing (via steel chair to the face) how much this is not our toby.

> My mother, Amandine, is daughter to Oberon himself, and my father, Count Torquill, keeps no noble Court because he is sworn alchemist to the Rose of Winter

first, interesting that amandine is being open about her firstborn status now. second, simon no :((((((((. third, oh fuck me sideways evening may be awake. (though, interestingly, if this is a dream world, she may still be more 'real' than other folks if she's asleep but sharing the dream-reality.) (also, 'rose of winter' – evening may also be open about her firstborn status? presumably because titania is around to favor her daughter.)

> I was simply a girl who knew her place, who was content where she was, who understood her limitations.

[screams]

> More tired than I should have been after such a brief encounter

i wonder how much of this is emotional, versus how much might be toby being tired from pregnancy?

> My name, as I have now stated twice, is October. That is all.

[SCREAMS LOUDER] did i say steel chair? sorry, i meant a wrecking ball. toby is always, always, always introduced as october daye, the knight of lost words. often with additional titles. she is never just october.

> My mother’s trick is in changing the balance of someone’s blood.

so toby knows what her mother can do, but does she know what she herself is capable of? i bet not, if amandine is trying to keep her contained.

> they rendered our social customs unstable and unsustainable, for any changeling child could get their hands upon one such and remake themselves in Titania’s image without intervention or consent.

in titania's image, hmm? also interesting, this is just like the early rhetoric around hope chests as being items of legend, unavailable to modern fae.

> Her services are but one of the many reasons changelings are better off within the Court system rather than hiding in hovels with parents who should have known better than to bear them without.

so much internalized hatred for changelings! also, amandine openly using her power in addition to being known as firstborn – doubly wild.

> I will never marry, never have a household or children of my own.

haha. hahahahahhaha. but. also. toby, i weep. she's going to be so fucking confused.

> Each noble house and each among the Firstborn is asked to do their duty, to provide a pair of hands to press into the service of greater Faerie.

this is both uhhh kind of gross and so extremely titania-esque. this hatred of changelings as lesser and yet also 'ready made servants.' forcing everyone to have kids. yikes.

> whose daughter, January, still dwelt in her father’s halls in Briarholme.

interesting, given we know jan's dad is dead and has been for almost a century. perhaps this means that january inherited the place, or that in this version of faerie her dad is… someone else?

> A pureblood could no more offer insult to a changeling than a cat could look at a king

as pointed out by many on the discord server… a cat can look at a king. but, apparently, not in titania's faerie.

> strong against iron, which would be the preferred means of disciplining an unruly commoner who somehow offended a noble.

… if i recall correctly, iron exposure is considered torture normally? and now it's used as common discipline? fucked up!

> If August left without me, my death would be the likely outcome.

hmm. yikes! i would like to think that simon and august would not let that happen, but between titania and amandine… to reiterate: yikes.

> I slumped into one of the uncomfortable couches Mother insisted were appropriate for the sitting room

it amuses me that amandine has shit taste in interior decorating.

> Something was terribly wrong, if Faerie’s children were so afraid of their own homes, their own places. I frowned to myself, a private expression. Such thoughts were unbefitting. 

more cracks in the wall! toby cares, and toby knows this is fucked up, even if both her conditioning and her conscious mind are trying to tell her otherwise.

> Nothing was wrong. Nothing could be wrong, not in Titania’s Faerie. [...] To fail her was to fail Faerie.

[screams EXTREMELY loudly] this is going to go so well (dripping sarcasm).

closing thoughts: toby is in quite a bad place, but she's still herself underneath it all, and there are already some cracks showing. amandine's situation may be different but her attitude towards toby and the rest of her family clearly hasn't changed from treating them as playthings that she owns. titania seems to be... as fucked up as expected.

honestly i can't wait for this book i am so excited to see how this all catches on fire.

#october daye #uhhh meta i guess? #please tell me your thoughts #i am extremely curious for folks who had theories about this being a dream vs reality: does this excerpt change things?

[erynalasse]

Sometimes I just wanna see an AU where Fingon and Maedhros reunite in Beleriand without Thangorodrim in the middle of it all. 

The thing about the rescue is that it’s very heroic, very dramatic, and very conclusively proves that Fingon can put friendship and loyalty above whatever betrayed feelings he carries about Losgar. I’m sure there were conversations—lots of them, surely!—but at the same time, when your cousin braves Morgoth’s fortress itself to save you, the rest kind of follows from there. 

Just can’t get the idea out of my head, y’know? There’s nothing more tasty than someone expecting the most final of rejections and getting a hug instead.  

Picture Fingolfin and his sons sending a delegation to the Fëanorian camp after they cross the Ice. I don’t think anyone on either side knew what to expect. The Fingolfinians have no explanation for what happened to the ships, and the Fëanorians weren't even expecting the other force to show up. There’s tons of tension, probably a lot of saber-rattling on both sides, and Fingolfin is genuinely thrown by seeing Maedhros wearing the Noldóran’s crown when he spent days preparing to face his mad half-brother. 

I think at this point Maedhros was probably already planning to give the crown to Fingolfin. Rescue aside, all the other reasons why the abdication made sense in canon still apply. The entire house’s legitimacy for the kingship is in ashes just like the ships. But something that big comes out in a private discussion between Maedhros and Fingolfin, not in public, not during their first meeting. So the two rulers bow to each other and make all the right speeches of humble apology and gracious acceptance, and all the while Maedhros is very carefully not looking at Fingon. Somehow nobody dies. 

Maedhros knows his cousin can’t kill him because that would really set this fragile peace on fire. But almost anything else is fair. Fingon may never speak to him again, especially after his brother’s wife dying on the Ice. What good did standing aside at Losgar do for that?

Finally, finally, Maedhros gets a moment alone with Fingon in the middle of this chaos. Fingon probably comes to him, since Maedhros is probably assuming the worst until he’s proven otherwise. What can Maedhros say to him? I missed you deserves an acidic response. I tried to stop him is a pathetic excuse. I never meant this to happen can’t bring back the dead. I will make this right is already a lie, because there are no reparations for a betrayal this complete. 

In the end, Fingon speaks first. “I heard about Ambarto. I'm sorry, Maitimo.”

Maedhros nearly loses his composure altogether at the fresh grief. “I heard about Arakáno,” he returns. Fingon’s head bowed, and this bridge of shared grief for little brothers lost far too soon gives Maedhros something to cling to in the storm. 

“I am so, so sorry.” There. The only words he could give. 

Fingon’s face crumples in the way that could mean he wants to laugh or weep or start screaming. Sometimes it also heralds a very unwise decision, like— 

“Maglor told me you stood aside.”

Where is this going? Fingon has stepped closer, and Maedhros can’t breathe. “It stopped nothing, Findekáno, you know that—”

“—it matters to me—”

“—that just means I could have betrayed you more fully, Findekáno, what is there to appreciate—”

“You are so infuriating, Maitimo,” his cousin hisses, yanking him forward into—an embrace? “Stop taking your father’s blame on yourself.”

Maedhros stands there and trembles for a few minutes before squeezing Fingon back fiercely and burying his face in his gold-braided hair. He doesn’t mean to weep, but he can’t seem to help it either. The crushing relief leaves him breathless. He has spent so long holding together his brothers and his people through one loss after another that the joy blooming in his heart hurts almost as much as the grief. 

“We have so many things to talk about, Maitimo,” his cousin says, pulling back enough to wipe roughly at his own face. “But we are going to talk about them together,” he emphasizes, after taking in Maedhros’ renewed tension. 

For the first time since Valinor, Maedhros finds he can laugh joyfully, not bitterly. “Yes. Together.”

#my post #my writing #? #I suppose this qualifies #I have a bad habit of starting something in the style of a post and ending it in the style of a narrative rip #maedhros #fingon #russingon #if you want it to be #deliberately ambiguous

[pinchinschlimbah]

tysm for ur text post about noel... I'm seeing SO many people immediately hating on him and it's exhausting. he's not usually the type of person to speak up about things like this really (at least from what I've seen) so I doubt he's gonna say anything, but his comments on insta are now turned off/limited so its safe to say he knows what's happening and is probably horrified :/

Yes of course! Like I said in my previous post, I think it's incredibly dangerous to start condemning people purely by association and vague connections you've made in your own head without having any actual substantial evidence. I'm not going to assume Noel's current thoughts on the matter as much as I hope that he is indeed horrified, but I do know that it's fairly par for the course to close off public lines of communication and take longer than most would expect to formulate an official statement on something as sensitive as this because to do it right one should be consulting with their lawyers and agents and other knowledgeable people to make sure the statement is as airtight and well-informed as possible without room for further misinterpretation or complicating any possible legal endeavors at play, so it is absolutely not evidence of guilt that he hasn't said anything yet. As much as it would be nice to see him formally denounce Russell and support the victims, I agree with you that it's definitely not guaranteed and we shouldn't be holding our breath since he's generally such an offline and private person with very good reasons for mistrusting the tabloids still looking to demonize him whenever possible, and if he does end up not saying anything there's a million other reasons besides him being complicit as to why he did not speak out. And yeah, people assuming that the comments being turned off means he's definitely hiding something is absurd. First of all I think it's worth noting that most celebrities don't have exclusive access to their social medias and often have whole teams helping them run things because they themselves have better things to do, so it's very possible the comments being shut off wasn't even done or directed by Noel himself. Second, it would be extremely unwise right now for him to start responding off the cuff to random people in the comments just because they demand it. And third, my initial thought when I heard about it was well wouldn't anyone turn the comments off if they were being bombarded with harassment lobbing horrible accusations at them and pressuring them to speak publicly about something before they were ready? But hearing from multiple people that the comments were shut off after Russell's supporters started flooding the posts arguing Russell's innocence makes it make even more sense why the shutoff was done and less evidence of guilt. Also while I'm here something else I wanted to speak on is that since my previous post, a clip from BFQ 2007 has been going viral and reported on by tabloids as ~evidence~ of Noel being involved because rape jokes were being made that involved him, even though the only thing Noel says in the clip is "how dare you, we're not rapists" in response to Jonathan deciding for Lily that she needed to be forcibly kept away from Noel and Russell. (and if I may editorialize for a moment, news sources reported on Lily looking uncomfortable in the clip as a condemnation of Russell and Noel, but personally I think she seems more annoyed that Jonathan has declared this decision for her rather than letting her decide what she felt comfortable with, especially since later in the show she giddily brings up crimping and is clearly somewhat of a Boosh fan.) I hate to pull out the "it was a different time" excuse but I need y'all to remember or understand what things were like back then for context of what was going on there. Me Too hadn't happened yet and actual accusations of sexual misconduct were generally spread in whispers and kept pretty hush hush, it was unusual for such things to be made super public because public blame was much more likely to fall on the accuser than the accused. Since the recent accusations have come out, multiple people close to Russell at the time have gone on record as saying that while they were well aware of the scope of Russell's aggressive sexuality, they had no idea at the time that it was veering into nonconsensual behavior and were horrified to find out.

Rape jokes were, unfortunately, very common at that point, with the word "rape" being used pretty flippantly and not always accurately to how serious of an act the word is meant to convey. The push to eradicate rape jokes from comedy didn't start until several years later, my memory says somewhere around 2010-11? And at the time, "slut" (and similar terms) was one of the worst things you could call someone and promiscuity was highly demonized in popular culture. Again, the concept of "slut shaming" and push to normalize safe and consensual promiscuity didn't come up in popular culture until several years later. So what I see in that clip is Noel and Russell, who were both known for being sluts at that time, being demonized for that behavior (which was well known and well documented in the documentary) with what was meant to be a lighthearted joke that they wouldn't be able to help themselves around Lily, and Noel's internal thought process at that point was most likely something like "Well, I'm a slut who's been demonized for it but I'm not a predator, so I assume the same is true for Russell." I don't believe this clip shows any reasonable guilt or association on Noel's part.

I understand the impulse to not want to support anyone who's done anything terrible, but if we're deeming people guilty by association so anyone who's ever worked or been friends with someone who did something bad is also bad just purely by that association with no other hard evidence, soon you'll have boxed yourself into a corner of having nothing that's safe to enjoy or interact with, and that's no way to live. Like I said previously I'm fully ready to jump ship if actual problems directly involving Noel do arise, but for the moment I do believe the panic and vitriol towards him is unjustified and I'll be continuing business as usual until further notice.

#shouts into void #asks #long post

[argentnoelle]

Kira is Light Yagami’s Excuse

(read on ao3) The central interpretation that Death Note puts forth is that Light was just a teenager, an accomplished student who had everything going for him. He couldn’t handle having screwed up massively by accidentally murdering two guys, and ended up being non-magically corrupted by the power to kill. “Kira” is the name given to Light’s acts of murder by the general public. After quickly taking this in stride, thinking of Kira and Light as different entities explicitly allows Light to disassociate himself from situations that make him uncomfortable, as well as hype himself up with ideas about how grand his story is. You can see this actually happening in the early parts of the manga quite a bit.

During the Lind L. Tailor broadcast in chapter 2, L says to Light, “what you are doing... is evil!!” to which Light responds by completely flying off the handle. “Me... evil? I am righteous! I’m the hero who’s liberating people from fear. I’m the savior who’s going to be like a god of this perfect new world! Those who try to fight me... they’re the evil ones!!” and he unwisely writes down Lind L Tailor’s name and then gloats about it. “Now we’ll see what happens to those who offend Lord Kira.” By chapter 3, you have Light’s listless reaction to the epic fight between L and Kira that’s now in all the papers; he describes it to Ryuk as “take one step out of the house, all you hear about is L and Kira. You can’t avoid it, even if you want to... I guess it might be pretty interesting if I wasn’t Kira.” But after describing the stories that are in the papers, the radio, and TV, his dialogue changes to “if Kira pays too much attention to this stuff, it just stresses him out. Gotta give his mind a rest, once in a while.” When Light gets too close to the truth (being suddenly some kind of supervillain celebrity in a fight to the death with some shadowy entity “L” who has already figured out basically where he lives is stressing him out) he has to step back by not only framing his stress as a hypothetical, and his listlessness as logical, but also by putting the whole situation off onto “Kira” who has now in the space of a paragraph become “him” instead of “I.”

In chapter 3 you get another fascinating moment. When Light goes to the abandon building to practice his pyrotechnics, he talks to Ryuk about the danger he’s realized that the Death Note poses to him. “Until now,” he explains, “I was thinking if anyone in my family saw [the Death Note] I could explain it by saying I’ve been keeping notes on the Kira case, to practice becoming a detective...” but now that he knows that anyone who touches the notebook can see Ryuk it’s an entirely different matter. “Even without this headache, I’m walking on a tightrope here,” Light admits. “If I blow it... Kira... will have to kill his own family.” As he finishes his little speech the panel zooms out to see that Light is holding onto the Death Note with a sickly, uncomfortable look on his face, almost curled in on himself. He’s visibly sweating—not just one sweat drop to indicate discomfort but “shaking and sweating” levels of this is probably meant to be taken literally. Ryuk’s figure in the background looms over him, but Light feels trapped in this moment, stuck in his own head. It’s such a fascinating image, compositionally and in what it says about Light’s mental space. And it’s in the dialogue too. Once again, Light has used this conversational technique to try to distance himself from something unimaginably horrible to him. “If I blow it...” he starts, but he can’t finish it by saying, “I will have to kill my own family.” He can’t say that. He can’t even think it. No, “Kira” will have to do that. Kira will kill Kira’s family. But only if Light blows it. So Light has to be very, very careful. It casts Kira as an inevitability. Something that will just happen if Light fails. Light has no power over “Kira’s” actions. He washes his hands of the matter. In fact, he washes his hands so spectacularly that in the beginning of chapter 4, where the scene continues, he’s able to make a joke about Sayu having a heart attack just from seeing Ryuk’s face. The emotional minefield has been successfully sidestepped. “Kira” has the responsibility for all of Light’s unforgivable actions, “Light” can remain himself.

By chapter 22, when Soichiro affirms that L—who has found and accused Light of being Kira and is at this very moment sitting right next to him—is indeed L, Light has an internal panic which ends with him having to remind himself, “right now I’m Light Yagami, concerned about my father...” By this point in the manga, Light has gotten himself so deep into acting as Kira, and so many of his daily decisions are caused by whether it would make him look suspicious or not, that it’s his identity as “Light” that he has to consciously reaffirm.

The dichotomy between what Light’s two personas allow is perhaps never so well articulated than in the moment in chapter 32 where Light tells Ryuk, “Ryuga is Light Yagami’s friend. But L is Kira’s enemy.” Despite getting along well with Ryuga on a personal level and playing into the idea of them being friends in his ordinary life, Light is fully aware that L is and always has been trying to kill him, and their contrasting personas of “L” and “Kira” cannot both survive—it’s only a question of who will kill the other one first.

So if Kira is an excuse, then why does the Light we see in the first half of the manga, and the Light we see in the Yotsuba arc, feel so diametrically different? There’s a number of reasons. One is that, in the first arc, we’re given privileged access to inside Light’s head. We see his internal monologue, his plans, his occasional moments of weakness and doubt, his moments of triumph and despair—we’re like Ryuk, able to be up close and personal on the villain protagonist. Then, Yotsuba arc rolls around. What we see now is Light’s public face, and a lot of stuff about Yotsuba. Light doesn’t appear as much in this section—and when he does, we see much less of him. While we’re still occasionally given access to his inner monologue, much of what we see is him in silence and what he chooses to speak out loud to his father and coworkers and L. He’s also not the protagonist of this section. Yotsuba!Light doesn’t drive the story. He reacts to it. Even Misa has more moments of agency in this section than Light does. It makes for a profoundly different reading experience, and so the emotional image painted for the reader in the section is also going to be different. Light won’t feel like the same character not because he changed so fundamentally, but because we, the readers, changed position; and because Light is also in a different position. We’re seeing him from the outside, from a remove, in a situation where all Light can do is wonder about a truth we’re already aware of. For argument’s sake, imagine if the Yotsuba section had also been told with Light as the protagonist: we would have seen moments of him alone, moments where we learn about his reactions to being chained to L; we’d hear about his plans. Maybe L would interrogate him in private, and Light, who thinks he’s so innocent but who knows how bad the evidence looked, would have to react to this. There are ways to write Yotsuba arc where Light is still the main character, but that’s not how the story is being told. The plot of Death Note is about Kira (who happens to be Light Yagami). It has no interest in Light without the Death Note. Light without the Death Note is a plot device created by his previous self.

What we do see, in small glimpses (and it usually is “see”—the art shows more of Light’s interiority here than the writing does) is that Light is not as comfortable and confident and unruffled as he wants to project. In the background of panels, you see him react in all sorts of interesting ways. He also punches L in the face and has one of his most interesting speeches of the entire arc, which is enough to build an interpretation off of: “Don’t be ridiculous! Just because I’m not the true Kira... just because you were wrong, you want to give up?! You gonna sulk like a baby?!” He’s so mad at L.

L tries to explain that he just means that chasing after Kira doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere in the investigation so it might not be the most logical course of action, but Light can’t hear that. He’s still stuck in his emotional reaction. “Who’s the one who swore to send Kira to his execution?” he presses. Then he’s leaning forward, grabbing L by the shirt, like he’s going to shake him. “The police, the FBI agents, TV announcers, how many innocent people have been victimized?! You’re the one who put Misa and me in confinement!!” That’s the crux of the matter. Earlier, Light had said that Kira killing people was bad enough but he’d never forgive him for what he’d done to Light and Soichiro. Now you see what Light will never forgive L for. Getting locked up for fifty-three days.

There’s something really fascinating about this. The Light we saw in part 1 was a Light who was slowly being backed into an inescapable corner, but who had the hope that he would somehow win. The Light we see in the Yotsuba arc is one who still has the hope that he’ll somehow win, but he’s already suffered a defeat that the Light in part 1 could never even conceptualize. He’s been tortured. And he’s still technically a prisoner. Casuistor wrote the most amazing meta ever about Yotsuba!Light and his motivations, Hellscape. It’s the most in-depth I’ve ever seen someone discuss that version of him. As Casuistor says:

So to summarize in brief before moving onto an analysis of Light’s development during the Yotsuba arc itself, we have at this point a Light Yagami who feels as though he has he has endured a terrible injustice. He has spent the past couple of months accused of heinous crimes ranging from the deaths of thousands of criminals to potentially patricide. His integrity has been repeatedly attacked and slandered, and any defense of his own character that he has to offer is routinely disregarded. Light is his only advocate and naturally he feels quite seriously persecuted. [...] In fact, in direct reaction to bearing the weight of these accusations, Light becomes determined to prove he is not the monster people accuse him of being, and his actions during the Yotsuba arc very much reflects this desire to prove that he is a virtuous, moral and overall upstanding human being. What’s interesting is that this desire to prove himself is not just external. He wants to prove it to himself as well. This is not a driving motivation that Pre-Kira Light ever feels the need to act on; he knows and everyone else around him believes he’s a good person. Pre-Kira has nothing to prove; Yotsuba-Light has everything to prove. In fact, if Yotsuba-Light actually has more in common with Kira-Light than he does with Pre-Kira Light.  

What Casuistor goes through beat-by-beat is how everything Light does in the Yotsuba arc is to shore up a certain image of himself and protect the idea of him as innocent, and to make sure that L can’t find anything else to pin on him. Anyway, there’s far too many good points in that analysis to go into, but...

The handcuffs themselves are interesting to talk about because they have different meanings to the people they connect. On the surface, it’s meant to represent the promise to catch Kira together. Not in the roles of investigator and chief suspect as was the case previously, but as equals. Two brilliant minds dedicated to the same purpose of putting an end to Kira.

But the grin reality of the situation is that even though Light’s own wishes are to stay and work on the case, Light has no choice but to stay because he is literally handcuffed to a person who will not release him.

But what’s interesting about this is that as shown in that panel above, Light chooses to speak of being chained and having his freedom restricted in sugar-coated euphemistic language. With a new solid lead on the Kira case, Light believes there will be a day when he can make L see that the handcuffs won’t be necessary. In a sense, the handcuffs represent Light’s promise to himself – they are something he can be positively motivated by. This is Light’s personal promise to be proven innocent instead of a sign of his continued imprisonment.

To an extent, this trick of shifting the framing and context makes it possible for Light to achieve a truce with L.

I would add only one thing to that really great discussion. Casuistor has a fairly non-romantic (in all senses of the word) take on L & Light’s relationship. And I think it’s a pretty legit take with a good basis in canon. Light & L really have no particular reason to be friends or to like each other and plenty of reasons to hate each other, be irritated, and get on each other’s nerves. But I take a slightly different interpretation in that think that Yotsuba!Light, despite all his barely-hidden resentment towards L, completely believed that he enjoyed L’s company. I don’t think those things are incompatible for Light to feel, and in fact I think Light has a very pressing psychological reason to convince himself that he enjoys L as a person. Because he can’t leave, and if he admitted that to himself all the time he’d be confronted day in and day out with the idea that he’s nothing but a victim. From the beginning of canon, we see Light reject any interpretation that hinges on such a thing. Anybody might say that Light finding a random notebook and then seeing that actually, he killed people by accident and now a god of death is going to follow him around until he stops being interesting at which point that god of death will kill him is enough to consider Light a victim. Not Light, though. Light is obviously a god. Light is obviously chosen for higher things. Light is obviously just doing all this because he wants to.

The relationship between Light & Ryuk and Light & L is really rather similar in some ways.

So that’s where my interpretation splits from Hellscape, (which anyone who is interested in Yotsuba!Light or what exactly the whole amnesia thing was should read, it is so awesome). Yotsuba!Light is L’s friend and he is perfectly a-okay with being handcuffed to him, even if he actually isn’t.

And then there’s also Light’s relationship with his father, which is a whole other amazing and interesting part of canon. Touched on both by that meta, and also by13Beyond13, who discussed the difference in Light’s motivations and in who he’s using as a role model in the different parts of the story (L vs Soichiro). It’s really interesting.

And then he gets his memory back. And he screams.

Back in chapter 22, L asks Light what his image of Kira is, and you get probably the most self-aware explanation Light ever gives of himself and his actions until the “Kira knows he’s evil” speech after his father’s death. Light says:

“I think Kira is... an affluent child. If, as assumed, he can kill just by willing it... if a human being had that kind of power—using it to get rid of criminals, and at the same time making it an example to others to make the world a better place, is something only a child would think of doing. I’d say he’s anywhere from a fifth-grader to a high-school student... if it was anyone younger than that, they’d either be too scared by the power to use it, or they’d use it to kill people they knew, people they didn’t like... and it if was anyone older than that, an adult, they’d only use it for their own personal gain. You could think of tons of ways to use that power and become really rich. Kira still has some purity about him. He’s an affluent child, who already has everything he needs. I’d say he’s probably a junior-high student who has his own cell phone, computer, and TV.”

With the distance that creating a criminal profile of Kira offers, Light is able to admit why he did what he did and even give a nod to how his social status influenced how he went about using the death note. The most crucial moment in this profile is the line “Kira still has some purity about him.” L picks up on this as an oddity—the only place Light’s profile doesn’t match up with L’s own profile of Kira. In context, this line of Light’s refers to his position at the cusp between childhood and adulthood, but also foreshadows the inevitability that eventually, Kira will not “still have some purity about him.” By the time chapter 75 comes around, immediately after his father’s death, Light’s description of Kira has changed to the extraordinarily depressing, “Kira is a mass murderer... evil. That’s true. But there are may people who support Kira... that’s also true. I think Kira understands this. That what he does is evil. But Kira will sacrifice even himself to change the world for the better... that is the true justice Kira has chosen... that is probably what Kira is thinking...”

Soichiro, perhaps the moral heart of the story, sums it up in chapter 22, after Light has already spoken: “Kira is evil... there’s no denying that... but lately I’ve been starting to think of it more like this... the real evil is the power to kill people. Someone who finds himself with that power is cursed. No matter how you use it, anything obtained by killing people can never bring true happiness.”

And that plays out over the course of the story until Light’s eventually unhappy death.

Plenty of people have talked about Light’s whole breakdown starting with “that’s right. I am Kira.” But what I think is interesting is how it happens right after he’s been literally backed into a corner. Everyone knows he’s Kira. He can no longer sustain both “Light Yagami” and “Kira” and “Light Yagami” is the one who’s been struck down completely and resoundingly. Despite everything Light’s been doing for years to keep both these things in balance, to “walk the tightrope” he ends up being pushed off and it’s Kira’s side he lands on. He has to. Everyone knows, now, that Light is a murderer and that he’s Kira. He has no excuse for his actions unless he believes them wholeheartedly. If he’s Kira, then he doesn’t have to be hurt by this, although he still is. He basically pleads for everyone in Light Yagami’s life to understand him. Why should he care about that? It’s not just because he doesn’t want to die. There’s more to it. He needs the validation of feeling like he’s not evil. If the people who know him personally can say, you know what Light, you’re right. I get why you did it. Then it would all make sense. He would have given up “Light Yagami” and everything that belonged to him—his future, his family, his morals—for a higher purpose. Near cuts that down pretty quick with his “you’re just a crazy mass murderer,” and then adds insult to injury by asking what everyone else in the room thinks.

And no one comes to Light’s defense. Not a single person. You see a number of panels that starts with an almost vulnerable shot of Light looking down, seeming almost like he feels bad. The moment stretches, there are close-ups on his eye glancing over at everyone, and everyone, one by one, condemns him with silence. After these rows of panels, Light’s eye, crueler than ever, tilts up to look toward the heavens—he can’t gain validation from anyone on earth. He’s going to have to get it from himself. He’s going to have to convince himself that everyone else is “a bunch of hopeless fools...” and it’s only then that he glances down at his watch and decides to completely lose it for the mere chance of killing Near.

(on ao3)

#Death Note #my stuff #my meta

[imperial-russia]

Say if you happen to know is it alright for Empress Alexandra Feodorovna to not include herself in public occasion that a Empress is required to do? Like does the russian court dislike her for her ignorance and if they do, then why does she ignore this roles.

While, as an introvert, I have every sympathy for Alexandra and her way of staying away from the limelight and society, I cannot condone all of her choices to do so. Naturally, if we talk about times like when Alexei was severely ill etc., one cannot imagine her being anywhere but by his side.

However, besides giving the Empire an heir, the Empress had one chief duty: to represent the monarchy. We all can see what savvy monarchs can do for the prestige (internal and international) of their houses and how much they can influence popularity - and from that stems also a great part of popular support. Alexandra thought the mere idea of her and her family is enough for the people and that was her grave mistake. She voluntarily gave up the opportunities to gain support, drawing the ire of the people instead. If it was just her, then perhaps the damage wouldn´t have been so great, but she pretty much bound Nicholas to do the same, as well as the children.

I think she was a woman with great piety, but she also had great personal pride and above all, she disliked when people pointed out her deficiencies. The more she tried (the first few years) to fit into society, the more the differences were noticeable and instead of changing an iota of her views, she decided it was acceptable to remove herself and her family from society almost entirely. It was blind and unwise on her part, even her grandmother warned her against this, but Alexandra always believed her views of a situation were the most enlightened ones.

Alexandra´s decision to withdraw and be virtually invisible was one of the factors (though probably minor ones) that added to the success of the revolution.

No matter how sympathetic I am towards her in many ways, she failed at a vital part of her job. As a mother, wife, and charitable woman she deserved the highest marks. As a representative figure, she was a terrible choice, because she could never overcome herself.

#answered