#it's so frustrating but ive had way too much fun with a fast forward effect lmao

[miyagihawk]

“idfc; blackbear (again it’s so easily related to hawk vibes, maybe he’s afraid to open up again for a relationship after moon so he acts like he doesn’t care about the reader but the mfs actually so in love😩✋🏻)” - @hawkwhore

ugh i love this sm and blackbear 😛 ty for the request as always <3

idfc | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader

warnings: just cursing?

summary: based on idfc by blackbear :) hawk doesn’t like you and you don’t know why

a/n: soooo i kinda strayed from the song LOL sorry but this is kinda more cutesy and less angsty than the song. i actually like it though :)

You don’t know why he seemed to hate you.

Ever since you walked into the dojo for the first time, it was like you couldn’t escape his death stare.

Eventually, you got closer to Miguel, his best friend, so you two started going to the same parties and hanging out more often. But he never seemed to warm up to you.

Miguel said Hawk was just intimidated by you because you always beat him when Sensei calls you both to spar. So you let him win one time, but he seemed to hate you even more after.

Which is why you started Operation Get Hawk To Like Me.

It seemed like a fun challenge to get the broody boy to enjoy your company, but you also sincerely wanted to be friends with him. When he would laugh with Miguel and he smiled like the sun, it made you sad that he was so cold towards you but so warm towards others. You wanted the sun.

You decided that the first part of O.G.H.T.L.M was to subtlety be nicer; you didn’t want to be desperately kind out of nowhere and make him dislike you even more.

“Hey!” you called after the red haired boy who was about to open the door to the dojo.

Hawk turned around slowly at the sound of your voice, and you winced at the annoyed look on his face.

“I- uh, I got this for you,” you held out a blueberry smoothie. When everyone hung out at Golf N Stuff, you saw that he got that flavor and took a mental note.

The boy stood in front of you with a twisted face, not reaching out to take the drink. “Why?” he asked.

You shifted awkwardly, feeling nervous under his stare. Was this too forward? “Um... I accidentally got an extra one?” you made the excuse lamely. “Just take it.”

“Give it to Miguel,” Hawk turned around and sauntered into the dojo, leaving you with a frown. But you wiped off any trace of your disappointed expression and walked into practice too.

-

You tried everything.

You waved at him every time you passed each other in the halls. You got him drinks at parties and you even offered to be the designated driver so that he could get wasted with Miguel.

When you two sparred, you lost on purpose each time. Sensei even pulled you aside to ask if something was wrong. “Hawk is getting better,” was all you said, but he didn’t seem convinced.

The list of things you were trying to do for Operation Get Hawk To Like Me seemed endless and you were totally kissing his ass. His feelings about you weren’t budging, and it seemed like this was just a hopeless mission.

“I just don’t get why he hates me so much. I’m trying so hard,” you groaned.

“Maybe that’s why. You’re trying too hard,” Miguel said across from you with a mouthful of fries.

“Well I don’t know what to do then. I want him to know I’m trying.”

“He knows,” your best friend nodded his head nonchalantly.

Your face scrunched up in confusion, causing Miguel to give you an amused look. “Then why doesn’t he care? I’m starting to think there’s just something wrong with me,” you huffed, crossing your arms.

“You should just talk to him if it’s bothering you so much,” Miguel shrugged.

“I guess I should,” you slumped, feeling intimidated by the thought of confronting Hawk. Was it even worth it? If he didn’t want to be your friend now, then what would change if you talked to him? If he would even agree to talk.

-

Tonight. The final step that would determine if you were going to give up on Hawk.

The truth is, it really hurt your feelings how little he cared about you. And it hurt even more when you went out of your way to get him to even acknowledge you as an acquaintance.

You don’t know why it affected you so badly; maybe you’ve always had a teensy crush on him. And maybe this little plan you formulated was actually motivated by your subconscious desire to really get to know him, even though you passed it off as wanting to simply be his friend.

So tonight, at the party you were all going to, you were going to talk to him. And get the truth on why he was so persistent in shoving you away.

“Woah, slow down Y/N. Miss lightweight,” Miguel eyed you cautiously when you downed another cup of beer.

“I just need some liquid courage to face Hawk,” you licked your lips, already feeling the effect of the alcohol clouding your mind. You started to sway without noticing, making Miguel laugh at you amusingly.

“Well good luck with that. But that’s enough, or you won’t even get any words out,” he took the cup from you and you pouted. Miguel subtly motioned behind you, and you turned around to look.

It was the red haired boy you’ve been avoiding all night; the one who made your palms sweat when you thought about the conversation you were planning to have.

But with the alcohol giving you a rush of confidence, you walked up to him with no anxiety. His eyes widened when he saw you rushing forward, and he almost looked afraid.

“Can I talk to you?” you said solidly, feeling braver than you usually are. Hawk looked at you, confused, but nodded to his friends before following you to go somewhere quieter.

He traced behind you as you opened the door to go outside, where there were less people and the music wasn’t so loud.

“Um... is something wrong?” Hawk stood awkwardly in front of you, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“Of course there’s something wrong,” you replied in a meaner tone than you intended, but you brushed off the guilt.

“Well what is it?” he asked in his usual annoyed tone that he used only when he needed to speak to you.

You felt your cheeks heat up with frustration. “Why don’t you like me?” you blurted out, and the expression on his face told you that he wasn’t prepared for it at all.

“W-What?” Hawk stuttered, his previously composed persona was gone.

“Why don’t you like me?” you repeated, more forcefully. “I am so nice to you. But you just hate me and I have no idea why! And you’re just best buds with everyone else, so I know you aren’t incapable of having friends. Do you know how shitty that feels? Especially when I try so hard to just get you to treat me decently!” your mouth ran on and on and words were coming out without you thinking.

Your blurred vision from your anger cleared after you caught your breath, and you focused on his shocked expression. It was the most expression he’s ever shown you.

“I-I-” Hawk stammered, but you cut him off.

“Look, I’ll leave you alone if you just tell me to. But tell me why, so I can give up. I’m sorry, okay? For whatever I’ve done that makes you not even want to be near me. And I don’t even know why I feel like I need you to like me, I just-”

This time he was the one to interrupt you. “I do like you.”

You blinked in confusion, taken aback by his words.

Hawk licked his lips anxiously, taking a breath in before speaking, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a dick. The truth is... I’ve been... um... catching feelings for you. And I guess I was trying to protect myself by pushing you away.”

Your mouth dropped open at his confession. Out of all the responses you were expecting when you were overthinking about the conversation, this one was one you could have never seen coming. But surprisingly, it made your stomach turn and your heartbeat accelerate.

He continued, this time looking into your eyes with his blue ones. “I don’t hate you at all. I just... I just felt like last time I caught feelings for someone I just got hurt. And I was all in, but they weren’t. That’s why I keep myself from getting close to you. I’m sorry Y/N,” Hawk confessed his whole heart, leaving you speechless.

After barely getting a few words out of him everyday, his confession of feelings was overwhelming. But you finally understood him. You knew about his relationship with Moon and how it went down from all the school gossip, but for some reason you never pieced together that it was why his guard was up so high.

“I don’t really know what to say,” you admitted, still feeling woozy from both the alcohol and his speech. You weren’t sure about your feelings and you didn’t want to say something you didn’t mean. Yes, you had feelings for him too, but everything was going so fast.

Hawk gave you a smile that calmed you from your worry. “It’s okay, sorry. It was a lot. But if you still want we can be friends.” He reached out his hand for you to shake and confirm your partnership.

Instead of taking it, you took him by surprise by wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He melted into the hug after a few seconds, and you smiled from behind his view. “Friends,” you pulled away and he beamed at you warmly.

You finally got the sun.

a/n: omg bye this was not like the song at all SORRY there wasn’t that much action it was just fluffy IVE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH MIRACULOUS LADYBUG like they r so soft and u can see the influence of it on my writing lmaoo anyways hope u enjoyed!! :)

#cobra kai #eli moskowitz #hawk cobra kai #cobra kai imagine #cobra kai x reader #eli moskowitz imagine #eli moskowitz x reader #hawk imagine #hawk x reader #cobrakai

[nonbinaryhatboxghost]

Okay, today has been a quiet Saturday morning so far, I have some time, and I like lists. So here is my random (personal) ranking of Star Trek series and movies, out of what I’ve seen, which is everything but seasons 5-7 of Voyager, all of Enterprise, and all of Picard. I’m only counting shows with three or more seasons because it’s easier. But let the record show that I love Lower Decks so far and The Animated Series is actually a blast.

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT

Series Ranking

The Original Series - As influential of a show as it is, I constantly forget how much damn fun the original Trek is. There is an almost Community-like variance in tone and genre throughout the show. And I’m a sucker for a future that embraces primary colors. It is the Trek show I revisit the most so far, and it remains my favorite.

Deep Space Nine - This one comes close, though. It starts out as a solid spinoff with very well-defined characters, and then becomes a big, sprawling epic that had my eyes welling up by the end. It feels more like a sequel to The Original Series than The Next Generation did to me. It dealt with subject matter both different and darker than was expected for the time. It had characters at odds with each other. Religion was explored in a way that balanced brutal honesty with genuine respect. War and the various traumas it induces were acknowledged. And it had “Take Me Out to the Holosuite”. I only finished this one recently but I look forward to watching it again.

Discovery - I was rooting for this show to be good even as it went through so much behind-the-scenes drama during its first two seasons. Even with all of that going on, the show became a fascinating watch as you saw it change from its arguably-too-dark beginnings as a prequel, to the almost Doctor Who-like second season with its joyful embracing of classic Trek, and finally to its current iteration that at long last gives us a Trek show that’s not bound by prequel limitations. Michael Burnham is such a great character and getting to see her arc alone makes this one of my favorite Trek stories. The queer/nonbinary representation also warms my heart.

Voyager - I’m just starting the fifth season, but the show has settled into an interesting groove with its characters. And Voyager’s characters are so damn good that they counterbalance a lot of the show’s early problems. It takes a while for Voyager to realize that the Kazon do not work very well as villains. But once the show realizes that, it begins an upward trajectory in quality that reminds me of Deep Space Nine after it began doing Dominion plots. And Seven of Nine’s effect on the crew dynamic lives up to the hype. Any scene between her and Janeway demonstrates such a unique relationship between captain and crewmate that an episode plot can be meh and still worth it for a scene with those two. Also, Janeway is the best captain character. No other Trek show (that I’ve seen so far) comes close to showing us the weight of leadership like Voyager, and Mulgrew constantly brings it.

The Next Generation - This is my first Trek show. It’s the one that my dad watched. There are several standout episodes to me, but I find myself less drawn to revisiting TNG than the other Trek shows because ultimately it took me too long to understand and care about its cast of characters. If you were to ask me to describe any character from any other Trek show, I would be able to. Ask me to describe a TNG character and I would likely fail to give any good adjectives for any character besides Data and Worf. As iconic as the show is, and as great as it became, it doesn’t have the same pull on me as other Trek shows. But it was the template for the spinoffs that followed, and the portrayal of Picard’s trauma post-Borg assimilation earns its reputation as an all-timer for me.

Movie Ranking

VI: The Undiscovered Country - I’m surprised this one isn’t talked about as much as other Trek movies. It’s a very frank depiction of prejudices and learning to deal with them. It has one of the best Kirk/Spock scenes ever. Christopher Plummer as a Klingon. The ORIGINAL cast credits sign-off (yes, Avengers: Endgame borrowed from this). A score that carefully balances menace with eventual hope. A fun whodunit structure. I could go on and on. It’s just so damn great, and so far the only successful send-off to a Trek crew in any of the movies.

II: The Wrath of Khan - It’s a classic for a reason. I’ve probably rewatched this more than any other Trek movie. You got your great villain, your classic crew beginning to deal with their mortality, an all-timer death scene, a kickass early James Horner score. What more could you want?

The Motion Picture - This is an interesting one. When I first watched it as a teen, I hated it. I agreed with every critique of it being thinly plotted and having an excessive runtime. When I revisited it in my 20s, it became a favorite. It’s Star Trek’s exploration of existential dread, and the struggle to find agency and identity within that dread. It has possibly Jerry Goldsmith’s greatest score. It is the best that the Enterprise has ever looked. This movie envelopes you with eerie and epic imagery, culminating in a finale with interesting philosophical ramifications and a well-earned return to optimism from its crew. This one is criminally underrated.

First Contact - This one is just rock solid all around. The best-ever TNG villains, further exploration of Picard’s trauma from Borg assimilation, Alfre Woodard, Alice Krige, fun action, the genesis of the Federation. It has the best balance of darkness and fun out of all of the Trek movies. It also has a character actually say the words “star trek” in a way that never ceases to make me smile. I don’t know if it’s a good line, but it’s funny regardless.

Beyond - Like The Motion Picture, I initially disliked this upon first viewing. I was still in the middle of watching The Original Series and was in the wrong mindset for this mashup of TOS and Fast & Furious. But it’s one of the most underrated Treks because it’s a perfect balance of the more kinetic action found in the 2010s with a very well-done breakdown of the inherent point and value of Star Trek: learning to be better and move beyond fighting the same battles among ourselves.

IV: The Voyage Home - This one is such a satisfying culmination of the crew’s arc starting in The Wrath of Khan that the joy of the 1980s material is almost just a bonus to me. Nimoy does a good job of keeping things light without disregarding stakes. He gets the best portrayal of the crew’s camaraderie in this and The Search for Spock. And Spock’s reaction to the concept of “exact change” always makes me laugh.

III: The Search for Spock - I revisited this one recently and it held up better than I expected. Seeing the weight of Spock’s death on Kirk in the beginning hits hard. Christopher Lloyd as the Klingon villain is casually one of the best Trek movie villains. And seeing the crew uniting over trying to bring back Spock gives us some of the best on-screen moments of this cast.

Star Trek - One of the reasons I love Beyond so much is that it retroactively makes this one better. I was crazy for this movie when it came out. I was in high school, Star Trek in general was something I was only really aware of because of my dad. But this is the thing that got me into Trek. And as mixed of a bag as it now plays to me, ‘09 Star Trek being a gateway for me to general Trek, combined with the perfect casting of the crew, the excellent Giacchino score, and the emotion of the opening sequence, thankfully makes this one still a blast to revisit.

Nemesis - I have only seen this twice, and both of those times without having seen TNG in its entirety. This was also the very first Trek movie I ever saw. Nostalgia is a factor for why this is higher than the others on the list. Curiosity is another, as I was unaware of Tom Hardy when I watched this, and have no idea what my opinion will be on rewatch. But what I always remembered of this movie was its ending, which even to a novice like myself when I first saw it had an impact.

Generations - There are quite a few great scenes that Stewart gets in this movie. Malcolm McDowell is also great in it. But the whole plot feels too forced for me to get actually swept up in it. And as fun as it is to see Shatner and Stewart share the screen... it ultimately has no impact and leads to a strangely lame death for Kirk.

Insurrection - The idea of Enterprise going rogue against the Federation for forcibly relocating a population for a natural resource is such a good concept... which makes the goofiness and half-baked writing of this entry all the more confusing. All the elements are there, but it feels like the tone was forced to be lighter than the material warranted. It’s frustrating because Frakes’ directing chops that he showed off on First Contact are still visible here. But for whatever reason, this one just falls apart.

Into Darkness - This one is low on the list mainly because it represents almost all the negative traits of the modern blockbuster to me. Darkness without depth, franchise callbacks without substance, and no character development/change by the end. Another reason why Beyond works better as a sequel to ‘09 Star Trek than this one is that Into Darkness feels more like it’s trying to make Star Trek a bigger movie franchise rather than develop this iteration of the Enterprise crew. Nothing and no one is changed by the end of this story.

V: The Final Frontier - It is the most difficult Trek movie to sit through, and yet I can’t call it a disaster. For all of its misfirings on the comedy front (dancing Uhura, for instance), the camping material with Kirk, Spock and McCoy is genuinely great. The premise of its villain being on a quest to find God is ultimately a misfire, but it leads to a very engagingly ridiculous climax centered around the question “What does God need with a starship?” There are far too many undeveloped ideas in this one, but that scene is worth seeing this movie for. At least, now that we know it didn’t kill the franchise, as so many apparently feared when this came out.

#star trek #kyle rants

[tonykoester-blog]

Welcome to my Mid-Life (non) Crisis!

Who knew that this day would come!.  On November 2nd I turned 55 years old! This one is hitting me particularly hard.. maybe hard isn’t the right word, but it’s having a profound effect on me, much more so than 50, 40 or even 30.. and perhaps it’s because at the beginning of this year, I wasn’t sure I’d make it to here.  At the risk of being redundant, (most of my friends are tired of hearing this story), in February of this year, while on a ship in the Caribbean, on the very last night of a lovely cruise I suffered a minor stroke.  I wasn’t sure at the time that it was a stroke, but indeed it was, along with being diagnosed with Influenza B, and Diabetes.  It’s not lost on me how fortunate I am.  This life-changing event happened on Friday night, in the middle of the Caribbean, I didn’t seek/get medical attention until Sunday afternoon.  Actually, let me rephrase that.. I didn’t get appropriate medical attention until Sunday, I’m very happy to be sitting here able to type this.

The day this happened was our last day of a 7 night / 8 day Caribbean cruise on MSC’s newest ship The Seaside, and while worthy of a stellar review, I’ll put that off for the time being, this is about me dammit! :) 

 Mikey and I had been holding court on the Yacht Club pool deck, drinking martinis, smokin’ cigarettes and laughing it up with our newly found cruise friends.  

The above picture was taken no more than 6 hours before I had my stroke.  

While I had been having a good time, I did notice I had developed a cough a day or so before, but didn’t think much of it, at the time I was smoking a pack a day, so a cough was not surprising.. but as the day went on, I started feeling worse, to the point that I ended up leaving our group and went back to our stateroom to lay down, an hour or so later, Mikey came into our suite, and said “we’re having dinner with Rosemary, c’mon..get up”.  Rosemary was this retired RN turned Real Estate Agent from Palm Beach Florida, (a wacky woman, who should absolutely be a character in my one man show) and Mike and Lori, a fun , and oddly enough, republican couple from Chicago. 

Dinner was fine, we had not been disappointed with the food for the entire trip, but as we ate, and time went on, I remember continuing to feel crappier and crappier, after dinner, Mikey and I headed back to the suite to pack up our weeks worth of beachwear and souvenirs.  It was then that I really began to feel worse and told Mikey that I needed to lay down. Mikey assumed I was just trying to get out of helping pack our bags, and stomped around the cabin, “anger-packing”.. and then my left arm went numb, I remember telling Mikey that I felt like I needed medical attention, so he called the concierge and was connected to the ships hospital.  A nurse came to the cabin and did a set of vitals, I told her my left arm was numb, so she and mikey loaded me into a wheelchair and wheeled me down into the bowels of the ship. 

It looked similar to the one above, but not so well lit and a bit more dismal.

 Oh, Did I mention she was, I”m assuming Russian? So not only did she and I have a language barrier, but the Ship’s Doctor was also Russian making the next few hours frustrating at best.  I was really starting to tank at this point.  I remember every time I told the Doctor that my arm was numb, she’d look at me and in a heavy Russian accent, would say “You Has Numbs?”  If I wasn’t as ill as I was it would have been funnier.  They did an EKG, which oddly came back fine, and gave me IV cortisol for the numbness.. I know, I didn’t get it either. No “you should seek immediate medical attention” when we get to Miami, or anything, after the IV was done, Mikey and I made our way back to the cabin, I laid down and Mikey continued to get us packed and ready to debark the ship, and for the record, it was about the time that the nurse did my vitals, that he realized I wasn’t trying to get out of packing.  Neither one of us realized at the time that I was having a stroke, as I mentioned I also had influenza B, which was wreaking havoc with me as well.

Fast Forward, we debark the ship, make it to Miami Airport, have about 5 hours to wait, we were both exhausted, I was deathly ill, and we both knew it was going to suck for the next several hours.   By now, my chest hurt like a mo-fo, yet, I continued to “try” to smoke.  Nicotine addiction is real folks!.  I was titering on delirium by the time we boarded the first leg of our journey home.  The flight from Miami to Newark was at capacity, complete with screaming babies and obnoxious passengers.  I did my best to shut my eyes and rest, not successfully.

We got to Newark, got to our gate, attempted to eat something, and got on our final flight to Seattle.  It was as if the universe said “let’s give these guys a break!!”  This flight was less than half full, such a relief!.  I was able to lay down in a row all to myself for the entire flight home.

We arrived in Seattle around 11:30 pm, deboarded and in our sleep deprived state, and just plain not realizing yet the severity of my medical situation, we decided to Uber home, in hindsight we should have headed directly to an emergency room.  But we don’t, we head home, Mikey gets me to bed, and crashes on the couch, we both didn’t wake until noon the next day.  We get up, and realize that I need to be seen, and for some odd reason, instead of just going to the Urgent Care (This was a Sunday), I called my Primary Care Doctor’s office, and left a message for the on-call Provider.  So for the record, I’ve not had the typical symptoms of a stroke, no paralysis, no droopy face, so just thought I had a really bad infection of some sort.  

10 minutes go by, and the on-call Doc calls me back,I answer the phone, and apparently by this time, my speech was slurred and I wasn’t making complete sentences, he directed me to hang up and get to the nearest Emergency Room immediately.  We get dressed, and go to the closest hospital, which also happened to be one of Seattle’s premier Neuroscience Centers fortunately!

Got to the hospital, got checked in, and they bring me back and,get me into a bed,the Doc’s and Nurses start working on me, all the typical tests, MRI’s, etc, and at the end of it all, they came to the conclusion that I suffered a mild stroke, and Influenza “B” and Diabetes, and would be admitted.

 It was a couple of days of poking and prodding and being woken up every 2 hours, I swear I tried, but I may have gotten a little cranky here and there, especially when they decided 2am would be a good time to wake me up for a 45 minute MRI.  

I went home after a couple of days, and 10 days after the “incident” I returned to work, that was a poor decision.  I was totally unaware of the after-effects of a stroke, extreme fatigue!. I lasted about 4 hours before I was exhausted to the point of slurring my words and literally shaking.  My Doctors and my husband both made sure I slowed that down, and I cut back to 4 hour work days, taking my time to recover.  It took a few months, but I gradually got back to an 8 hour work day, and now I feel pretty much normal where fatigue is concerned.

I looked at this as a huge wake up call, I was 54 at the time, I smoked a pack a day, I was about 60 lbs over-weight, didn’t exercise, and was slowly killing myself.  

Today, I’ve lost about 30 lbs of my 60, I’ve quit smoking, which, by the way was the hardest part of all of this.  I smoked for 35 years!. But with the help of the patch and Buproprion (Welbutrin) I’m pretty much smoke free, every so often I think I want one, and if I do, they taste like crap!.  it’s amazing to have that monkey off my back. 

I still have numbness in my left hand, and the left side of my face.  But I have full use of my hand, and the facial numbness is just annoying.  

As a result of this, I also lost my sense of smell and taste, which for a foodie is devastating!, but even that is starting to return, I can taste much more, and my sense of smell is returning slowly.  I’m confident I’ll have a full recovery!.

Today, it’s exciting that I get to dream, that I get to make plans, and be fearless (that’s a process).  My desire to see the world is possible,  I strive to be too busy LIVING to worry about dying!

The world is my Oyster, and I’m gettin’ a whole pearl necklace!

#midlifecrisis #health #quitsmoking