I made a short, simple animation! Turn the volume on and enjoy!
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I'm curious what you think the worst shipping dynamic is? And the reasoning behind it if you have any.
Thank you so much!!!
haha I do have several of those actually. I’ll include both what I think are the worst dynamics and the kind of ships that “I just don’t get why would you ship smth like that”.
1. What I actually call “a mom and a manchild”.
examples: Hatori/Chiaki from “Sekaichi Hatsukoi”, Ikuya/Hiyori.
I guess, technically there’s nothing wrong with this, if they both enjoy being this way, but firstly I just hate adults behaving like infants and I don’t think encouraging such behavior can lead to anything good, and secondly watching this just makes me uncomfortable for many reasons. And moments like when Hyori came up to Ikuya when he talked to Haru and was like “it’s too late and you can’t talk to this man, time to go home” and Ikuya went I just cracked up at this. Also when one part is basically changes the other’s part diapers, but in return gets tantrums or basically nothing or “but I wanna play with someone else tho”, it’s just a kink I do not get, like why would you want to be treated like this is beyond me.
But then I also generally dislike infantile characters, and I can’t ship smth if I don’t like both parties, so maybe bc of this. I always like the mature characters. Like even when I do know in theory that a 13 year old in reality can’t behave like Todoroki, I’m still like, I don’t fucking care, that’s the one I like xD But when 20 years old Ikuya behaves like this, I just do not appreciate it, I guess.
2. “I don’t have an identity, my identity is you or what you want me to be” category, including “my dignity flew out of the window” ones and “I just do what you do”. (I CANNOT HANDLE THIS DYNAMIC, YOU KNOW I CAN’T!!!!!!! I DO NOT WHY, BUT IT’S JUST PISSING ME OFF THE MOST OF ALL PROBABLY)
examples: Eren/Mikasa, Haru/Makoto, Natsusa/Sei from “Number24″.
Sports animes do that a lot. “The only reason I played rugby is because you played it” is a major cringe. And no, it’s not romantic. Romantic is like when you’re both passionate about this and doing this sports together makes it even better/more meaningful, that I get. Not, “I only went there bc you like it” and I’ll have what you have, I’ll do what you do. Like.. huh? You firstly a person, as in fully formed one pls, you can’t exist as someone’s trail.
Those ships always contain this one person (like Mikasa, Makoto), who are just the accessory of the other character. Mikasa’s problem is not the ackerbond, it’s her life position, she herself chosen to be Eren’s doormat. And some also find this romantic, I think, but I just hate such things. Also the truth of life: if you don’t respect yourself, your crush won’t respect you either. Just saying.
Makoto, I sincerely think, if Kisumi would be his neighbour instead of Haru, he’d be playing basketball at school lmao. Like SD has so many of absolutely terrible scenes, where Makoto just for real turns to Haru and goes “do you think I should go to the basketball club if we’re not swimming?” like dude, I’m... he’s like a walking definition of “meh” if there ever existed one. How can you do not care what you do? Like at all. This is beyond me. That’s sad. Watching him makes me sad.
I just need both characters in a ship be you know THEM, fantastic on their own, then when they’re together they become an absolutely explosive magic. It’s just a true fact.
Also there is one ship who is not quite this category, but kinda touches this theme. Ciel and Lizzy from “Kuroshitsuji”, ike the original Ciel, for whom she wanted to pretend to be a dumb damsel in distress for the rest of her life. Like fucking seriously????? You’d live like this????!!!! Fucking hell, you must really don’t love yourself like at all.
3. Humiliation isn’t my kink.
examples: Dazai/Akutagawa, Midoriya/Bakugou.
Akutagawa and Midoriya are badass motherfuckers and also wonderful human beings on their own. When they encounter Dazai and Bakugou they become sheeps. I hate seeing them like that, that’s basically it. Also humiliation is really not my kink. The whole “treat him like crap” thing. Like some things they did to them is just.. my god, I don’t like it.
Like when Dazai asked Atsushi to throw the phone moment, I literally flinched so hard watching it, I can’t even explain this feeling between the dejection and utter disgust at the fact that Dazai did it, that I felt watching it, but I fucking hated it.
4. Those who bring out the worst in each other or don’t bring out anything in each other.
All my ships literally all with no exceptions make each other the best versions of themselves, push/challenge each other to become better/brighter/happier, etc., or add to each other that piece the other was missing.
If someone makes someone feel depressed, miserable or even just simply stuck in a rut, that’s probably not it. There are some ships who just simply can’t make each other happy or even make each other unhappy and that’s a fact.
5. Ships with no development or development so tiny that you need 120 episodes and an magnifying glass to see it.
examples: I’d say, but I just don’t want those 10 year olds in my ask box again.
Hate this for obvious reasons. Because as wise ppl say “only fools don’t grow” or "if we don't change, we don't grow. if we don't grow, we aren't really living."
6. Those who are like brothers to each other and said so and don’t emmit any and I mean ANY sexual vibes or attraction in that kind of way towards each other.
examples: Harry Potter/Ron Weasley (like THE FUCK seriously), Stiles/Scott from “Teen Wolf”, Keith/Shiro.
I just cannot imagine them being romantically involved, I literally can’t. And I don’t get it. It’s like they even say “you’re my brother” thing, but also they just do not give off any couply feels and imagining this kinda make me cringe a bit, cause I have two sisters I’m very close with and their relationship remind me of our relationships so just.. no.
7. They are not each others priority. Meaning both putting someone else or something else before them.
If they don’t put each other first, I most likely probably don’t want it.
My jam is like Stucky and when they say to Steve “you do this, captain, and the whole world would think of you as a criminal” and Steve being like “fuck you, take your shield, take your idiotic hero rules, I don’t care, he matters to me more than your whole dumbass world”.
My jam is Lan Zhan who went against the whole world and a horde of stupid donkeys and fought for his baby till the end. He really didn’t care if he’d lose everything and what would other ppl think, if it meant that Wei Wuxian will be with him.
On the other hand, we have Jin Guangyao, who had Lan Xichen, but he wanted power and idiots’ love more, so he chose what he chose. Do not get this ship, like no, thanks.
As for putting specific someone else first. Rin/Sousuke, for example. I in general do not get it, but also like there are like 10 moments in the anime like in Yakusoku when Rin forgot about him, when he saw Haru during the tournament and an actual quote “Sousuke looked at Rin, who will always put Haru first”. So like... I do not get it. If you see them as a couple this is technically no good no for Sousuke, no for Rin.
8. Obviously straight ones, but “hey, I need them gay”.
I in fact just do not believe in a “straight ppl do not exist” thing. As I’ve said before there are exceptions where some characters give off the clear bi vibe, but those are pretty rare tbh. And even more rare canonically proven ones like Kanda from D.Gray-man, for example.
The moment they show some character in anime drool over some girls he doesn’t even know, but he don’t react to any of the guys like this, this just means he’s most likely heterosexual. Cause only straight guys drool only specifically after seeing random boobs. So this thing always throws me off in some ships.
99% of my ships are either canonically gay or most likely gay, but author doesn’t want to label it.
There are just lots of animes where main character/s have shown no interest in an opposite gender whatsoever like “Natsume Yuujinchou”, “Kuroko No Basuke”, “AOT”, “Number24″, “Fukigen na Mononokean”, “Tower Of God”, “Owari no Seraph” etc., but did in fact show interest in the same gender one. That I get, yes.
And btw even if you want somebody to be as I call it a “wishful bi”, I think it should be only in situations like if these characters have some absolutely wonderful/undeniable connection, not just the ship for the sake of gay ship.
_____
That’s probably it. Otherwise I’m fine, I think :D
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not to throw my two cents /now/ but for shows like aot (I personally stopped after s2 and i havent rly considered picking it up again yet), there definitely are problematic elements and depictions that should be called out when necessary—and we need to especially listen to those whose identities were unfairly treated. anime and manga aren’t innocent of problems, as are the artists behind it :,)
I won’t lie, japan still continues to be sketchy w how they teach and treat their history, but ig we as watchers/readers these media can remain critical of what we consume ? the act of watching smth w fascist elements doesn’t mean you condone it ! and choosing not to watch or support (i find these to be different things) bc of those problematic elements is also valid.
oH and I personally don’t rly like aot either from what I’ve been seeing LMAO as a person who dedicated 2 years of high school to extensive studying of history it’s just :\\\\\\ I think all the points have been made by ppl before me, and by you!!
hello miss yuki!! first of all, i think the idea that people can’t consume Problematic Media is. is stupid because. humans are capable of critical thinking DJLSDALKJ that’s like... our thing. and just because something’s ‘problematic’ doesn’t mean there’s nothing valuable to draw from it? and by that, i mean... sometimes i specifically seek out things i know i’ll disagree with so i can actually talk about it properly, instead of relying on heresay.
i guess it’s like the jk r*wling thing. do i think people who enjoy harry potter are militant transphobes? no! do i think it’s a bit shifty to spend money on harry potter merch that isn’t secondhand and is therefore putting coins in miss transphobes pockets? yes! there’s difference between consuming and supporting for sure.
people have complicated relationships with media and internet discourse tends to make things too black-and-white. where do we draw the line? does resonating with shinji’s story in neon genesis evangelion mean you now support sexualising underage girls? does enjoying harry potter mean you condone fatphobia? does enjoying my hero academia mean you hate the lower classes?
but at the same time, if someone wants to steer clear of something because of those kinds of things, they absolutely have a right to and neither them nor their intelligence should be insulted for that. a lot of people like to throw around “oh you just don’t understand” as an insult and honestly, Shut Up. leave people be.
ANYWAY aot
yeah a lot of my problems with aot come down to isayama using a metaphor that isn’t even his to draw on. even if the pernicious aspects are unintentional, they’re still harmful. and also, it’s pretty obvious that isayama’s done his research? with how well the story emulates certain facts in history (and even referencing the madagascar plan hh), there’s no way isayama doesn’t know what he’s talking about. and you can’t really brush up on your knowledge of wwii without the whole antisemitism thing, so...
but i think an issue i have with a lot of the criticism towards aot is that it comes from a very Western perspective; and i get that to a degree, but it’s also important to think about where the author comes from and who he’s writing for. that doesn’t exonerate any of the problematic aspects to any degree, but context is. well, sometimes it’s everything
for example, i don’t think the question is so much “is isayama a nazi” as it is “is isayama trying to justify japanese expansionism” because while both are awful, one question is more relevant to what he’s likely to believe (even in the infamous twitter screenshots, he pretty staunchly seems anti-holocaust). i think ethnocentric criticisms muddy the water.
i’m a dual major in anthropology and history, and while that absolutely doesn’t give me authority, it means i tend to focus more on this sort of thing? there’s no way isayama could’ve known that attack on titan would become so... global? and an issue with episodic things of any nature is that it’s almost impossible to analyse them in their whole until it’s finished. aaaand in most cases, that takes years.
so regardless of what isayama intended, that means there are still right-wing groups that love aot and see it as a metaphor for the great replacement, or there’s people who see it as a justification to abandon pacifism, and so on. but there are also people who see it as a staunchly anti-war story, or a narrative about the cycle of hatred.
YEAH w the watching vs. supporting, i’ve actually been streaming aot on gogoanime because i didn’t know what i’d think of it when i started, even though i have an animelab and crunchyroll subscription. the question is, am i giving it social capital by discussing it online? some would say yes (i’ve got a platform, and just talking about it in general gives it affluence), some would say no (even if i have a platform, it’s small in the grand scheme of things, and how many people are actually reading my mini essays?)
ANYWAY this is largely incoherent i’m so sorry sdalkjfslfkdj look after yourself!!
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welcome 2 my twisted mind ex dee !!
PREFERRED NAME — james :o)
PRONOUNS — she/they
AGE — 20 whole years i am aging rapidly
PINTEREST — HERE!
DISCORD — sniff#3644
TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — svrgcnts is my muse / rph except im rly lazy n don’t do shit
OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — i like the attention on twitter but i’d prefer 2 b im’d for that ,,, it’s got my Face on it ,,,
MYER-BRIGGS — istp or w/e the fuck ,,, used to be infp or smth tho
HP HOUSE — i ,,, i don’t know ,,, i always get a different answer ,,, u tell me
ZODIAC — [burps] aquarius
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — no ... ? like ... it’s just a fun ol’ thing but i don’t base my life around it ... i won’t scorn u if ur a gemini or smth
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — uhh ... 19 i think ?? off tumblr it’s been a whole decade tho
WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — 2018 :/
NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — it was a closed group but we had an rp based out in the desert / loosely based on killjoys where ppl would build big ol’ robots and fight them in an arena n it was like ... dystopian. i had a gal named uuuhhh ... nora maybe ?? her granddad was the local fortune teller n she was one of the engineers
WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — are raccoons that far off .... from being realistic ... i’ve seen it done before ...
NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — alligators. alligators by trophy scars
NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — uuhh ... fucking uuuhh ... what books have i liked ... pride and prejudice or the great gatsby b/c i always hated assigned reading but i’m a whore for mr. darcy n i liked daisy buchanan probably too much :/
NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — uuhhh ... fuckin’ ... i didn’t like mice of men ?? i don’t know how popular that was. don’t like the hazel wood by melissa albert or w/e but does Anybody lmao ... i don’t rly know ... hated this book i think called splinter and it was like alice in wonderland meets scene kids and i thought it was fuckin’ stupid.
WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — i haven’t binged any tv show recently ! i watched howl’s moving castle and shrek back-to-back though :/
FAVOURITE QUOTE — i’m big stupid ... i don’t know ... feed me anne carson quotes ...
LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this
DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — rarely but i usually write urban fantasy ... big fantasy slut here
THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — jenna marbles, emilia fart, sidney lavin, and BONUS youtuber joana ceddia
A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — um ... uuh ... anne hathaway ... i think there’s another celebrity that makes me feel a certain way but i just. cannot remember atm.
EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — no but my mom’s friend dated lenny kravitz in high school
WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — this ... but without anxiety
A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was mc’fuckin’murdered :/
ARE ALIENS REAL? — yuh
PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — lily’s garden atm
WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — i actually ... don’t like spirited away as much as i used to as a kid which makes me :/ still love howl’s moving castle though
DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — sea shells and pretty rocks, books, random knick knacks, lighters, condoms except that one was accidental
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — i wanna learn ... some cool nature science shit ... animals and shit ... i’m not lazy i’m just poor and 2 stupid 4 a science major
THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, spanish, and like ... arabic maybe
MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — shrek ... princess diaries ... uuhhh ... halloweentown and all the sequels ... maybe legally blonde
NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — [sticks fingers into my nostrils] uuhhh ... veronica mars, scott pilgrim, molly from booksmart, kelso, penelope garcia, mike myers’ cat in the hat, dr. evil, scooby doo
DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no.
HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — no.
PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — miss fisher’s murder mysteries ... very good if u like detectives but hate bbc sherlock. six of crows 4 a book. deponia (the complete journey) for a video game ... check out big fish if u wanna see danny devito’s bare ass
WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — elon musk’s ... i don’t like him but i need to Know.
TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/
LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — once upon a time in hollywood. it sucks and i hate feet but all the girls ? hot as fuck.
DO YOU STILL READ? — uuh ... kind of ??
IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — last book i was reading but haven’t finished and haven’t ... gotten around to reading more of ... is strange the dreamer which is a really good book i’m just shit for brains
ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – like ... a 5 i think ... my back hurts and i have 2 pee
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I was tagged by @merryweather0708, thanks ! rules: we’re snooping on your playlist. set your entire library on shuffle and report the first 10 songs that pop up, then choose 10 victims. ♦ Stromae - Papaoutai ♦ Fifth Harmony - Top Down ♦ Imany feat. Filatov & Karas - Don't be so shy ♦ Fleetwood Mac - Big Love ♦ BTS - Mic Drop (Steve Aoki Remix) ♦ Время и Стекло - На Стиле ♦ CL - Hello Bitches ♦ CHVRCHES - Lies ♦ Blackpink - Ddu du ddu du ♦ Jackson Wang - Papillon single or taken: single who are u dating: i TOLD u i'm single but honestly I don't want to date anyone rn full name: hm i don't really like my last name that sounds very very French (ending in -iart) and first name is Clotilde nickname: Clo, Clot, Cloclo... actually no one seems to settle down one nickname haha battery percentage: 40%, charging (yes it's cheating) do you miss ur last relationship: well if i had one i wouldnt miss it cuz i think id have good reasons to break up ex you would take back: hOw mAnY tImEs,,,, jk i would take back tom hardy babe come back to me lmao crush’s name: wouldnt call it a crush but there is a current famous guy that i admire and find handsome, the one and only jackson wang iphone or android: android, apple can suck my ass (obv its a joke) last person i texted: my sister? Or my best friend who wished me a happy birthday ❤️ last song i’ve heard: Snoop Dogg - Sweat (2010s vibes) guy best friend: hm i have three and i cant choose girl best friend: hm i have two and i cant choose biggest fear: toads, failure, insects especially wasps, losing a member of my family unexpectedly.... This started out as really stupid and got dark quickly lmao favorite color: ive always loved green 🍀 favorite movie: im still amazed by inception but thor ragnarok and the winter soldier are close to my heart favorite food: my grandma's flamekuche, bortsch, pasta with cream and salmon, my grandpa's french fry, my uncle's dishes (i like to eat) favorite anime: one piece, black butler favorite animal: honestly i love cats and dogs so much, and i'm still a horse girl at heart height: 1,69 cm (...... Let's say 1,70) birthday: today, 30th of June (cancer power) dream job: honestly i have no fucken idea... Maybe smth linked to international relationships and culture, ideally something to do with Russia, a country im passionate about what mood i’m in now: very weird, im turning 20 and it feels like im an advanced adult, and i dont feel ready for this lmao.... BUT happy bc my holidays are gonna be great and i have amazing friends Thank you for tagging me, i tag @ugh-superheroes, @porgtato, @queenoftheimps, @just-sitting-on-the-shelf, @lxveistheanswer, @buckysbooo, and ive ran out of ideas sorry ab those i forgot !
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anyways, ill say bye now... i hope ure well rested and have a good day!! (wait, i remember what i wanted to ask!! at least i think this is what i wanted to ask? anywys, do u know what u want to do now that ure finished w school? if u dont mind me asking, of course, i understand if u think its a bit personal!) ok, now im done, have a good day!! take care and stay hydrated!! (and now i really did send u a bunch of asks..)
omg i hope u dont mind but ill be answering the stuff from ur last ask here (the one where i… deleted everything) under cut bc itll be 2x longer now
so first !!!!! how i got into kpop!!! it was thanks to my good pal (@.briwoon) boxy! i follow her on twitter and despite her being a day6 stan twt i had her unmuted anyway bc.. after years of being an anime blog on tumblr and seeing all my anime mutuals slowly converting into kpop blogs one by one i was able to filter the kpop out of my brain?? smth like that since back then i wasnt into kpop and i didnt want to unfollow since im mutuals with most of them :-0
another backstory - i was one of those people who never saw themselves getting into kpop? and i think the main reason was bc i thought liking kpop would make u seem lame?? due to the influence from people around me?? but as years went by and as my mutuals changed interests it stopped bothering me and that mindset kind of just? faded away bc who am i to call other people’s happiness bad?? but despite being okay with it i never really made the move to get into any groups lmao that was until i got tired of my interest at that time (seiyuu, japanese voice actors) and my interests would always. not last?? idk so maybe thats why i didnt want to get invested but it happened regardless
anyway usually i wouldnt take notice of her rts but this . this beautiful man with orange hair and minion glasses caught my eye when i was scrolling through my timeline and i was like o worm? oh mu god? hes beautiful? so i slid into her dms and asked her whomst the beautiful man was and she sent me all their mvs after that from congratulations to i smile (the most recent mv at that time, late june) for me to watch :-D now at that time, from what little knowledge i had of kpop.. i understood that groups would be singing and dancing so i was prepared to see some sick moves or smth?? but then. i clicked on miss i smile and my wig flew off? bc… wtf.? they were playing instruments???? and they sounded good ??? so i was like oh my god? a band??????
before day6 i also had (have) a preference for bands and the way their music sounds so i was like?? ready to just. get on board yknow?? i watched how can i say and i saw the lanky noodle wearing glasses and i was like o fuck mu life? i caved and asked boxy for their names and other information and best decision of my life bc.. they really make me happy!!! after that like the day after ? myabe they did a vlive and i was like o shit? what do i do… so i downloaded the vapp and wowie i love it? its my second home…… i watched every vlive they had at that time and i thought that was a lot… (it isnt, compared to mx) and i was just rly content??
(ok i know u asked for kpop and not … day6 or other groups bc im gonna talk abt how i got into mx and astro too bc…… how can i Not.. u can skip this part tho i just wanna ramble abt my loves? ill tell u when u can continue)
that was peak happiness for me at that time.. until… boxy started talking about monsta x in our groupchat (with @.tokayhk) and she would just ramble abt this kihyun fella (who i vaguely knew bc my real life friend likes him and mx and i bought her his pc before along with the guilty clan part 2) so i was like hmm interesting… and honestly? i wasnt going to get into monsta x i really wasnt planning on asking her abt them (since i was scared id lose interest in day6 right after) but then.. she started linking videos and i .. my resolve crumbled down as i heard monsta x yelling and … this beautiful cover (which boxy sent to show us how powerful kihyuns vocals are but i was 2 focused on mister aka minhyukku) and she told us how funny these monsta men are and i was like o h no…………….. eventually one day in late august i asked her to tell me more about these monstas…… aftert that i watched every mxray episode (starting from season 2 bc i dont know 1 comes before 2) and even though i didnt know anyone who was on screen except jooheon i found it really funny and?? it made me laugh so much i love mx?? ya… boxys kind of like my guardian angel?? shes really the reason im living tbh… introducing me to all these lovely people?? thank u miss boxy i love u
now. for the astrosus….. they were a bit different.. because i didnt have boxys help and they were the first group i took interest in solely bymyself so i knew i was in for a wild ride (at first, i couldnt even differentiate brian from sungjin in day6 lmao) after stanning monsta x and day6 i became more?? open to kpop and i started watching unhelpful guides on youtube bc . they were funnie and idk its nice??/ and i stumbled upon the astro one (which wasnt that funny but more helpful than anythng) and i was like. oh worm? the cicada group… bc i watched a short clip of them catching that stupid cicada in their office as it appeared on my tl one day so i clicked on the video ..and after watching that it led me to another video of astro being extra for 6 minutes and those six minutes/????? best six minutes of my life because theyre so fnny and they made me laugh a lot? (combined with the editing from op) so bc they were funnie i decided to look them up and read their profiles/??? i watched their nimdle video and only knew mj bc his tag was the two letters m and j lol but it really made me bust both of my lungs i just?? laughed A Lot
im not sure how i managed to put name to face so quickly but it mightve been bc after the nimdle videos i watched every ddoca and astro play as well as their vlives available bc.. i just inhale the content at godspeed??
for mx and astro i was drawn in by their personalities before their music because they were on more variety shows and had more chances to show dorky they all are which made it way quicker for me to fall for the two groups??? for day6 its a bit sad but the weekly scheduled vlives arent enough for me to tell what kind of people they are (although those r still hilarious) i just wish they would go on more variety shows?? its understandable if they themselves dont want to be on any shows though!!! i love all 3 groups with all my heart :-D
ok if u skipped u can start from here ill be answering the questions now lmao
FIRSTof all,,,,, youre learning how to drive?? thats so cool >:-0 we’re not allowed to learn until we’re like...?? 18?? or 21 idk but not so Soon :-( and its cute u think abt me (or of what to say) but pleaseth stay safe... i hope ur driving lessons go smoothly until u end theM!!! hopefully youll be able to get ur licence :-D
aNDD!!! the thought of drinking warm tea when its cold outside.. is so ?? nice to think about hecc u better drink that tEA and enjoy it !!!! stay warm and comfy miss RM ..... and it even snows there????? thats so cool tbh ?? (i love snow but maybe thats bc it doesnt snow here so i dont know the tru evil of snow but like.... its so.... white and fluffy??) i would ask u 2 take pics and show me but alas...... the time is not right :-( do u know when we’re allowed to expose ourselves?? i forgot rip... but its sometime next month right im excited???? since its near my birthday !!!!!
ok now to answer this ask no i actually have no clue what i want to be after i finish school?? yikEs but last year i (jokingly) said i wanted to be a farmer??? idk if i might actually do that probably not i guess im just freestyling (going with the flow) for now we’ll see where life takes me
and like i said u can ask me anything !!! im fine with it :-) alsooooo please dont ever feel bad about sending too many asks bc its a lovely thing to wake up to and i just?? get rly happy when i see all the asks in my activity :-D!!
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get to know me tag(s)
yoo so recently i’d been tagged to do three get to know me tags, and i dont want to make three separate posts for each so im gonna combine all of them in this one post which is under a cut bc……….its really long LOL anyways i was tagged by @lovhobe, @elementaljimin, and @protectkimtaehyung thank you so much guys!!!!!!!!!!! <333 im glad i got to know yall better asdfgh
im tagging @jiminslipgloss, @jxxminmols, @kismet-soo, @baeklipse, @sonyeondn, @neckatie, @kihyunswife and @bulletproofbookworm
you guys are welcome to do however many of these you want lol i just didnt wanna tag people separately for each tag
i was tagged by @lovhobe to do the 20 questions one tysm!!
instructions: answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better. (lol yall already know i aint tagging 20 people)
name - zara
nickname - um a few of my friends like to call me zar-zar and i get called zaro by my family a lot
zodiac sign - cancer
height - 5′ 3″
orientation - straight
ethnicity - pakistani
favorite fruit - pineapple i think
favorite season - fall
favorite book series - idk um i’ll be that person and say harry potter lol i cant rlly think of a good series rn but my fave book is the kite runner
favorite flower - i dont rlly know a lot of flowers but i like roses and the vibrant colors that orchids can have
favorite scent - fresh laundry
favorite color - purple
favorite animal - zebras?
coffee, tea, or hot cocoa - hot cocoa
average hours of sleep - five
cat or dog person - i like both but i think i like cats a little more
favorite fictional character(s) - this is hard bc i used to be in a lot of fandoms asdfghjkl draco, red & gold, percy, bakugou, link and i have more from all the drama i watch but the list will be to long lmao !!!
number of blankets you sleep with - three
dream trip - idrk?? somewhere out of the country i guess i dont leave the us unless im going to pakistan lol
blog created - i had to check my archive lmao but i made this blog in oct of 2015
number of followers - :^)
NEXT i was tagged by @eternaljimin for the get to know me tag tysm !! there werent any instructions just.........answer the questions lol.
a - age - fourteen lmao.........................
b - biggest fear - tight spaces
c - current time - 10:35 pm
d - drink you had last - water
e - everyday starts with - getting out of bed??
f - favorite song - im saying this just bc it just came out but RUMOR BY KARD IS A BOP WATCH IT AND SUPPORT THESE LEGENDS
g - ghosts are real? - idk my dude
h - hometown/country - us
i - in love with - jimin?
j - jealous of - i was just watching sbs kpop star and there are these two kids who are eleven yrs old and are so talented i wish i was talented you feel
k - killed someone - why would someone even ask this akshf ofc not
l - last time you cried - i think i cried today lmfao
m - music you last listened to - RUMOR BY KARD
n - newest thing you bought for yourself - i think the last thing i spent my money on was cheez its from the vending machine @ school ajksf
o - one wish - i wish my life went smoothly and that i wasnt mentally ill?? lmao
p - person you last messaged - @jiminslipgloss :)
q - questions you get asked often - since i wear the hijab i get a lot of questions abt that i also get questions on my rbf like ‘why do you look so depressed all the time’ asfkjkj
r - recommended (movie? series? book?) - i just remembered that i read this book called this blinding absence of light and it was rlly good a little explicit but it was a damn good book i rlly wanna re read it
s - song you last sang - i dont rmbr but it was probs a track from hamilton lol
t - thanks, last person you said thanks to - the waiter that gave me food @ a restaurant i went today
u - underwear youre wearing - not sure what this is asking but im wearing a purple one rn???
v - vacation, your dream vacation - i dont rlly have one lol
w - worst habit - idk if this counts but i lose my temper a lot? is that a habit? if not i tend to space out/get distracted a lot esp in class
x - x rays youve had - my teeth, my ankle, a few of my fingers
y - your favorite food - rice !
z - zodiac sign - cancer
for the third one i was tagged by @protectkimtaehyung for the seventy questions tag tysm!!!!!!
do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yeah
who did you last say i love you to?
um listen im rlly not tryna be edgy but i seriously dont rmbr the last time i said ily irl
do you regret anything?
i regret a lot of things lol
are you insecure?
unfortunately
whats your relationship status?
single
how do you want to die?
asdfghjkl um a painless death i think
what did you last eat?
rice
played any sports?
i used to play tennis and swim but now i do kung fu
do you bite your nails?
no
when was your last physical fight?
i kind of have......to fight in kung fu so like when i last had class lol
do you like someone?
no
have you ever stayed up forty-eight hours?
yeah
do you hate anyone atm?
i tend to hate a lot of ppl lmao?
do you miss someone?
uhm i dont think so
have any pets?
no :// i used to have parakeets but i gave them away and i just recently found out that they passed away :(((
how exactly are you feeling right now?
i was kinda happy but since its sunday night im starting to feel shitty bc i dont want to go back to school tmrw afjh and im rlly tired
ever made out in the bathroom?
no
are you scared of spiders?
yeah lol
would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
this is an interesting question bc it depends like if i were given just one chance then mayyyybe id go back and change smth i did that was stupid but if were given the chance to go whenever i want then probably not bc thats way too much pressure/commitment to have a power like that sdhfa
where was the last place you snogged someone?
i havent snogged anyone lmfao
what are your plans for this weekend?
sleep
do you want to have kids? how many?
i dont want to have kids bc childbirth doesnt seem appealing to me but idk i might change my mind when im older/more mature
do you have piercing? how many?
one on both ears
what is/are/were your best subjects?
the only classes i have solid as in are art, lit, and w4p lol math and science are def not my thing
do you miss anyone for your past?
from my past, yes
what are you craving right now?
sleep
have you ever broken someones heart?
in first grade some kid liked me and i embarrassed him in front of his friends to get him to stop liking me so yeah i was wildin in first grade
have you ever been cheated on?
no
have you ever made a significant other cry?
no
whats irritating you right now?
my tiredness?
does somebody love you?
oh geez i hope lmao
what is your favorite color?
purple
do you have trust issues?
yeah
who/what was your last dream about?
um i dont think i remember v clearly
who was the last person you cried in front of?
my mom
do you give second chances out easily?
i dont think ive been in a situation where ive had to but i probably wouldnt
is it easier to forgive or forget?
wow um can i say neither lol
is this year the best year of your life?
definitely not
how old were you when you had your first kiss?
havent had one
have you ever walked out naked?
no
favorite food?
rice
do you believe everything happens for a reason?
hmmm probably idk man i dont think too hard lol
what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
scrolling through this hell website
is cheating ever okay?
no
are you mean?
i probably dont come off as mean online but im not gonna lie i def get mean irl
how many people have you fist fought?
i dont think ive been in a situation where i had to punch someone?
do you believe in true love?
ive never experienced romantic love so i wouldnt be able to say but probably aajkf ive read/watched too much and analyzed too many relationships for me to say love is real but...........love isnt real yall
favorite weather?
when the sun is covered by clouds and its a little chilly
do you like the snow?
ive only encountered snow like twice so idk but i feel like i wouldnt like it very much lol
do you want to get married?
idk man
is it cute when someone calls you baby?
pet names arent rlly my thing lol
what makes you happy?
sleep...........im rlly tired rn
would you change your name?
no
would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
this is an interestingly phrased question lol. well i dont rmbr the last person i kissed so idk
your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
wow that would be rlly sad LMAO but id turn him down and tell him to get better standards wtf
do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
well they wouldnt be considered my friend if i couldnt act like myself around them so yes
who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
i just texted my friend so we can play video games aslfkh
whos the last person you had a deep conversation with?
literally the same dude from the last question lol
do you believe in soulmates?
um no i dont think so?
id there anyone you would die for?
my family/friends
thanks everyone again for tagging me !! <33
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odfidk: 270618
i cry at least once aday cus im only surrounded by whites but like.... there are poc here. theres other adoptees of color and some poc in my DM’s wanting to chat with me and maybe even hang out but fuuuCKKK WHAT IS WRONG WTH ME WHY AM I NOT SOCIAL
i also always cry about how social and happy i used to be but im doing anything about it lmao. like i KNOW that in order to get my shit together i need to sleep and eat and exercize and shit..... do i do that?? absolutely the fuck no cus i love to feel sorry for mysel and watch myself destroy everything
i hate myself, i hate my life i can feel the anxiety coming and when that is i always call my mom but she’s white and im so paranoid i dont trust white people with anything i REALLLY RESLLY REALLY want a therapist of color but my lazy ass cant even manage to call one cus i’d rather lie in my bed and DIE than doing smth productive with my life
also im together with a white dude and just thinking about how confused i am about this relationship makes me want to die alone. i cant trust my own thoughts and feelings but i SURE AS HELL cant trust anyone else either. not white people, no poc and not adoptees of color either. the only person i trust is my partner cus they know me better than anyone else and theyre wise but fuck i dont trust them either cus i cant even manage to tell them this cus ive already been such a horrible partner and i dont want to huet them but hey no its not even about that. its about ME not wanting to lose them cus im so fucking selfish which is only another reason i should break up. if you knew what a horrible partner, friend and human being ive been you’d all hate me. im such a hypocrite and when i hear my partner forigve me despie me KNEOING what i am like.......
how will i ever find someone who loves me like them. i’ll never find anyone like them. does it really matter that they’re white in that case? yes it does can i’d literally kILL myself if our children were to become white. how can i love myself after all of this. im holding onnto a dream of re-visiting my homecountry and my birth place. im holding omto a dream of learning mandarin and more abt my culture and get lots of chinese and asian friends but like..... who am i kidding. that wont solve my problems. what i feel is so much deeper. what i feel is nothing that can be fixed
IM SO FUCKINF SAD EVERYONE. IM SO SAD AND I MISS MY BIOLOGIAL PARENTS SO FUCKING MUCH. I HATE EVERYONE BUT ONLY BC I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH MY OWN SELF HATRED AND DISSATISFACTION. IM SO SAD AND FRUSTRATED AND LONELY AND I JUST WANT TO BE IN MY MOMS BELLY.
why did it turn out like this. what am i so problematic snd why am i not doing anything about it. why did i destroy and fux up every single relationship i ever had. why cant i love my adoptive family like anyone else. but why al i not strong enough to cut them off. is it bc i actually love them? or is it bc im scared of being alone? will i love them again when i’ve healed, when i’ve revovered from whatever it is im revorigin form. abandonment? loss? lost family, lost identity, lost culture, lost people
it doesnt matter how many POC i connect with or how many adoptees i connect with. i’ll always feel lonely. i’ll always be lonely. and im so pathetic i cant stand it. i’d rather kill myself than knowing i’ll always be lonely. ive fkd up every friendship and relationship i have and im too scared of building new ones bc im so over attatched and want to rely on them forever. and now i dont even feel anything but anger and hatred. im such a fucking mess. im a danger to myself and everyone around me. im abusing the ones i claim to love, i dream about taking a gun and just shoot everyone down. i dream about committing suicide but not bc i actually want to, but because i want to revenge. on who? i want my family to suffer. i want society to suffer and know my pain. but they wont. they never will
im all alone, im so lonely im so lonely i keep isolering myself. i keep dreaming about fkn kpop idols and anime characters. i will never get better if i dont do smth but im so tired and im so angry. but it only hurts me. im only hurting myself even more. no one cares. no one will ever care, its only hurting ME
i thought i had gotten better. i used to feel like this everyday. now its only once a month. but idk. i cant think straight, i cant control myself. i know i shouldnt post stuff lile this DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IVE FKD UP CUS I CANT CONTROL MYSELF WHEN IM IN THIS KIND OF STATE ONE TIME I ACTUALLY THOOUGHT I WAS GONNA KILL SOMEONE AND THEN JUMP IN FRONT OF A BUS
im sitting in my room. my little sister is outside and when im done with this message i’ll go out to her and pretend nothing happened. i cry for myself. i cry for other adoptees too. i cry for my adopted little sister and how white she is. i cry for all adoptees who’ve grown up to become whites. i cry because im such a fkn mess. i cry bc my abusive tendencies started so early. i abused my little sister bc of my own fkn issues and our adoptive parents didnt even care, they didnt even realize.
i feel like this is who i was supposed to be. a disgusting manipulative abuser but i know thats just another excuse for me to not do smth about myself
why dont i care about my family? about my partner or my little sister? i’d say i love my partner the most but i care more about my little sister
sometimes when i see children of color, or asian children i just feel something so fucking strong. i feel like i want to die for them on the spot. i feel like straight out giving them my jeart and protect them forever.
i got pregnant when i was 17 and it changed my life. ive never been interested in children but after that i was. but its so unhelathy. im only interested bc i want someone like me. i even doubted the abortion. fuck i felt like absolute SHIT after the abortion. i felt like they took smth from me, they took my mom, they took my baby. everhthing was taken from me and i got nothing. if im not able to have biolocial children in the future i’ll kill myself. if my children is looking white or nothing like me i’ll kill myself. im happy i had an abortion tho. i wasnt mentally stable. poor child would have only been born bc i was feeling lonely
i’d be such a horrible mom too. i’d be so overprotective. im always like that. overprotective in a possessive kind of way. like YOURE MINE. my child would hate me and i wouldnt blame them. i just feel like i have to protect something. i NEED something to protect. no one ever needs me. im always clinging into others but no one ever needs me as much as i need them. a child would need me. but they would eventuellt grow up so im thinking about a dog or a car instead. they would need me.
you know what i want? uncondotional love. from people of color. yes i have that from my white adoptive parents but i dont feel it. instead i feel like im using them. im shitting so fucking much on them and i dont know if i do it even more cus i feel guilty for shitting on them. most times they just take it and its like that makes me even angrier but if they were to argue with me i’d fkn explode right there and now. ive always been such a problematic kid. i can feel it. my sister’s been so calm and perfect but ive always been unstable. its like i always test people. ive tested my adoptive parents for 17-18 years now.
but everhtime i actually have someone love me uncondotilnally i feel like i have to isolate myself. its such a weird fkn thing i have such a weird fkn conception abt relationships and such. its just the way i thought it was like. in a friendship, relationship or family theres ONE dominant and ONE submissive. i realized relationships doesnt work lile this AT AGE 17 WHEN I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS. can you believe i’ve lived like this for 17 years???? i still categorize ppl into this and its so fucked up. how could i think like this?? how can I STILL think like this?? the submissive have to love the dominant one but the dominant will always protect the submissive one. i always, ALWAYYS go for dominant ones. and its always, ALWAYS going shit. either bc i expect too much from them. i expect them to love me back snd PROTECT ME or im just too clingy and get rejected. bc when im the dominant one i get bored. its like i WANT to fight for peoples attention. i see them as superior and i feel good when they give me that. but not too much cus if they give me too much I’LL feel superior and then i feel bored. thats basically my relationship with my partner now. ive been an awful fkn asshat and they’re still staying with me. it disturbed me once so much i forced them to break up with me only to guilt trip them when they did.
im so fucked up i really am. my partner deserves so much better. im so fucked up that i want to break up with them but if i would, if they would, i’d go fucking banans. thats not a healthy relationship. i shouldnt be in relationship
i should be alone til ive fgired myself out. but lonliness and isolation drives me mad. i dont trust myself
this post wasnt supposed to be lile this. i was going to write smth intellectual but instead im exposing myself like this. why do i do that? i dont know. do i wan people to feel sorry for me?? is that what i want? do i want advice? advice that i know i wont follow anyways cus im a dumbass?? is it because i just cant hold it in? why dont i post it somewhere else private? especially when i KNOWW THAT ILL GET SO FKN ANXIOUS ABT POSTING THIS THAT ILL NEVER FACE ANYONE AHAIN SND ILL REBLOG SO MANY TAEHYUNG GIFS AND JUST LAUGH IT OFF BUT LILE..... IM STILL GONNA POST IT???
sometimes i tell myself i wouldnt care if i died but im actually so afraid of dying
i want to be happy i want to be good but i dont know if i can or if i deserve it. when im not feeling like shit i dont want to talka but this bc then i’ll feel like sjit snd im scared of myself. i feel like im turning into a demon, something i cant control and im scared i’ll do stupid shit
how do i get rid of this? how dont become happy. the fact that my family is white, my partner is white. is that a problem or is it only me? do i have to break up, do i have to cut off my family in order to become satisfied? in order to decolonize? i know adoptees who have. mostly cus they got real weird fkn prents but my parents are....... so-so. they’re white. they’re good parents except they’ee white. but other adoptees parents weren’t even good parents to start with and their whiteness and racism made it 722771x worse
i hate feeling so split always having to choose. choose between AP and bio family. whites and poc. i’ll choose poc. i’ll choose my birth family. but i dont have a birth family like...... and now im stuck with this white one. ive been abandoned multiple times im not strong enougg to get rid of my AP’s even if i want to. but i dont think that i want to. i think i love them. im just so fkn heartvroken abt the fact that they’re white and therefore constantly hurting me and my sister wether they want it or not. im stuck. its like a fkn curse.
i was a fine kid before. i always had these issue but the abortion def triggered it. the abortion and break up with my friends that was like the 3rd break up and i just knew that damn i dont have the energy to keep going. dont even get me started on the breakup. i was a sjit friend. yeah im still a bit salty cus i think hey could have handled it better but tbh........ they probably sensed the fucking freak inside of me me before it jumped. i keep telling myself they only protected themselves but im paranoid and hate everyone and when i feel abandoned and rejected i deal with it with being an abusive asshat
i wonder why im like this. im obv not the only one since i keep reading abt adoptees who murder and stuff. i kinda think thats me sometimes. that im gonna turn out like that and just go on a murder spree. when i see x-men or the black panther...... i always feel for erik and eric (sre they both named eric lmao). mage to and killingen. and all charcters like that. i cried so much when i watched these movies cus im so sensitive when it comes to families AND people. (xmen jewish ppl) (black panther black ppl). and i kind of undersyood them
especially xmen apacolypse. he really tried to turn good. he really got himself a family but even they got killed. everyone got kille. i kinda admire him but i also think he’s weak. how come he’s able to just turn good after that????? i’d probably kill the whole fucking world. like what kind of propaganda IS THAT??? is that even real??
and i feel so awful cus i had a good childhood i guess??? i mean fkn killmonger grew up all alone and poor and he found his fkn dad murdered??? i understand that trauma!!! and magneto had his mom shot in front of him and watched his whole people fkn die. and what about me? i havent been through any of that
ofc i dont know. i dont know what happened before and i dont remember. my APs got divroced tho and my A mom got PTSD and i def think that affected me as well tho. i kind of lost my family AGAIN. and ive never really tristes them after that. even there u could feel me snd my fucked up ness
i was such a shithead to my mom who had freaking PTSD. i blamed her for everything. breaking up with dad, bad ekonomy and then our fkn white big brother moved home bc he was depressed too or smth and there we were. 3 kids sharing a room while mom was unemployed and slept in the living room. that was such a messy time and my 11 y/o self was so angry and aggressive. and my poor sister was so scared and shy. of me. of all of us
anyways why didnt my sister turn out like this? is it bc of my temepramwnt?? maybe. ive read abt mental illness but i dont really feel like anyone fits. im leaning more towards bpd. bipolar and ptsd are similar but i dont rly get those periods and i dont get flashbacks of my trauma either cus im not even sure what my trauma is. its more like..... a feeling rather than smth specific. i mean its not like i remember anything
but why did i tjen out like this. irs cus everyone hates me right? lmao u always think lile that ots so pathetic. i always think ppl do shit to huet m. my poor partner and ex-friends..... the simpliest mistake would make me crazy.
im such a horrible human and sometimes i dont want to do anything abt this. i just dont wanna CARE but i know i feel line that cus i feel guilty deep inside. and it wont make me happy either
if i recover will i stop hating white people? will i stop hate my family and non-adoptees? probably not white ppl and non-adoptees. i mean i still hate men and so so why would i stop just cus i recover. but my family? will i forgve myself? will i fogive them? i cant forive them ew no. ugh idek what im saying. what do i have to do to stop feeling like this?
maybe get out of bed? yeah thats a start
thanks ill reblog bts now and then ill turn off my phone and never come back. cant wait to comeback and cringe the fuck out of myself wow i love
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