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nat20composure · 3 months

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Astarion and Agency- The Necessity of Discomfort to Self Discovery and the Infantilization of Victims

Minor Astarion discourse ahead that mentions the treatment of SA victims post-abuse:

I want to open this post up just with like. The statement that I don't think there is a correct way to enjoy media and that I LOVE to see individual head cannons and takes on characters in media. I think that is also, to a degree, an integral part of video games because of how unique the experience of playing a game will be to every person who plays it. But it has been making me feel so incredibly sad looking through fan content, art, or discourse for BG3 specifically because of how many people have taken the route of infantilizing Astarion.

I understand the instinct to shield or protect an individual that you love and care for. I also understand that because of the nature of the things that Astarion goes through, a lot of people also feel very deep emotional stakes in him. I'm one of the many fans of the character who is a victim of SA and CSA, I really do get it. That is also why for me personally it is so demoralizing to watch so many people treat him like he is a child who cannot make his own decisions or stand up for himself. Part of that frustration stems from it feeling like a media literacy issue, and the other part of that sense of defeat is just because it feels indicative of a broader attitude that people seem to hold towards victims of abuse, particularly those who are victims of SA.

To explain what I mean by people infantilizing him: I see so many people refuse to allow him the opportunity to be hurt, or to feel uncomfortable. They see this character who has been through an immensely horrible and traumatic experience, and their instinct is to try and shield him from anything else that has the potential to upset him. I get that the people who want that aren't doing it with malicious intent, but frankly it is not really...Helpful? To try and prevent victims from Experiencing Discomfort tm. I also think it kind of disregards the entire thesis of Astarion's character and arc.

When you go through something that robs you of your selfhood and agency, the world can become a crushingly terrifying place. In Astarion, that fear presents itself in a desperation for power, control, and at the core of both of these desires- Safety. One thing the game is clear about is that he has a right to kill his abuser. He has a right to escape his situation. A lot of Astarion's personal arc is centered around being able to finally do that. But the game doesn't just leave it off at getting him to safety. So much of it is also about him needing to take responsibility for himself and his actions, with needing to learn who he as a person is.

The inclusion of the Gur children and Sebastian as characters is a good example of ways in which the game gives Astarion the opportunity to take responsibility. I think that if the intention of the arc was meant to be that "Astarion should never ever have to deal with being afraid or uncomfortable again", then the Ascended arc wouldn't Come with such heavy moral ramifications, like sacrificing the other people just like him, killing the victims he lured in, literal child murder. The game infers that he doesn't deserve to die because of the things he Needed to do to survive, but it also makes it very clear that there is a difference between addressing an Active Threat and using your fear as an excuse to hurt others. Breaking that cycle of abuse when he finally gets the chance to is what separates Spawn Astarion from Cazador.

Taking responsibility for himself, and letting himself sit in the discomfort of vulnerability ultimately ends up being a thing that he is very proud of and cherishes. If you tell him you will make sure nothing like that ever again he himself says that he doesn't want you to be his protector. And so it blows my mind when people go into all of these discussions about Astarion with this...Weird moral high ground for never, ever making or letting him make choices that might hurt him?

I see this the most when it comes to discussions about the possible polyamorous relationship with Halsin and the interaction with the drow twins in the brothel. So many people are just...outright angry? At other people engaging with either of those options? And I feel like that anger is one) rooted in the projection of their Own feelings on non-monogamy and what a victim of SA can or cannot look like. and two) Relies on undermining the agency that Astarion BEGS you for at every turn.

When it comes to the drow twins, the game adapts Astarion's response to them based on where he is in his own personal development (a really cool thing imo). Obviously, if he still doesn't feel good or safe about engaging with sex he declines and says you can feel free, though he hopes you aren't just doing it because he hasn't had sex with you. I think this makes sense: He's just gotten out of a situation where his Safety and worth were directly tied to him having sex. I imagine he feels afraid that not wanting to have sex with you makes him replaceable or inadequate because at this point in the game, he feels like that's all he has to offer. The interaction is relatively the same if you ask him for a poly amorous relationship with Halsin: He just asks you to reassure him that you aren't only doing it because he hasn't had sex with you, and then tells you he isn't worried about it otherwise.

A lot of people have taken the expression of that insecurity in combination with him still allowing you to go forward and do these things as him just "sucking it up" because he's afraid of losing you. (I am aware Shadowheart says he wouldn't be able to handle it when you ask her if you can date both of them- But keep in mind, Astarion says she wouldn't be able to either, and THAT obviously isn't true of her. For the purposes of this discussion I'm only including interactions with Astarion as a judgement of his character.) I understand that concern, but I feel this take disregards so many other points of dialogue, and is also continually rooted in the baseline vilification of discomfort.

To further go into it, the way that he speaks about both of these interactions changes significantly if you speak to him about it once he is completely free from Cazador, and has had time to allow himself to start reconnecting with himself and his sexuality on his terms. He has absolutely No reservations about an open or poly relationship with Halsin, and says he trusts that things will be ok because he one) feels secure in Your relationship and two) Knows Halsin is experienced and trusts him to not be a messy bitch about it.

I think that shift, in combination with the in game explanation of why he isn't ok with being in that sort of relationship with the other Origin Characters (for Lae'zel and Wyll, he says they'd never agree to that. For Shadowheart, he says she's not experienced with open relationships and that he doesn't think it'd work out. For Karlach, that it would break her heart. And for Gale, he says you need standards.) is a pretty good indicator that he doesn't actually care about polyamory or monogamy. I think the vilification of that choice relies on you picking and choosing when you do or do not believe Astarion or just outright not liking non-monogamy in the first place. This interaction has more to do with the player's choice and comfort level, and so is not as important to the broader discussion I am trying to have in this post.

The interaction that is more pertinent to not Allowing him to make decisions is, I think, the drow twins. If you interact with the drow twins after the completion of the Cazador questline, he is outright giddy at the prospect of interacting with the Drow twins. Specifically stating that he is excited to see how he likes these sorts of things now that he's free.

NOW- I do NOT think that he enjoys the act. The game makes that abundantly clear, and I'm not arguing that he has a great time. He obviously does not, and dissociates during it. That being said, allowing this interaction to happen does not make a player evil or selfish. You are not playing the hero if you decide to moderate his choices just because you do not think he is ready for it. Once again, no one is evil for Not doing it either, and I am not saying anybody has to want to. I am just saying that treating this choice like it is an evil choice to make relies on completely disregarding what He wants to do.

Astarion says so many times in the game that he is anxious about finally having the freedom to find out what he wants to do, and I think that his excitement for the drow twin exchange is one of the opportunities the game gives him to make a choice. He makes that choice- And it sucks for him. He doesn't enjoy the act, and having done it he would be able to move forward knowing that. I think it's really cool and important that the game represents that facet of recovering as a victim. While you are trying to renavigate who you are, you are going to make a million new choices you never had before. And sometimes those choices are going to suck ass. It would be a different matter if he knew these things would hurt him and went ahead and did them anyway. But so many people expect him to move forward avoiding even the Potential of being hurt, and I think that is extremely reductive of his arc and who he is.

Beyond the matter of interpersonal relationships, the choice between Ascending or not Ascending Astarion is not a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. It is a choice between his fear and his humanity. Between letting his trauma and his fear define him for the rest of his immortal life, and allowing him the vulnerability of deciding who he is when he isn't running from the world. When he's willing to listen to the parts of himself that want to do right, that wants meaningful connection, that wants to be proud of himself. That wants to meet himself. To confront who he is when someone else isn't deciding that for him.

Astarion as a character is extremely ambitious, inquisitive, and adventurous, three traits that only become more and more evident as he breaks free from letting his own fear dictate how he lives his life. I don't understand how so many people can see him and want to take the core of his character away from him, when he spends the entire game fighting desperately to take it back.

Victims are not casts of the abuse they have gone through. Their shapes may be changed by the hands of others, they may have to relearn how to be the person they want to be. But they are not broken or irreparable or fragile. They do not need to be freed from the grip of one person to be held tight in the grip of another. It is so fucking unfair and self-important to think that your hands will be the ones that fix them. That your hands know better than theirs. I think the kindest thing you can do for a person is to trust them with themselves, and to listen when they tell you who they are and what they want. Please listen to the voices that have only just learned to speak. It is the only way they can get better at doing it.

#astarion #astarion bg3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #I know this is kind of overdramatic #but like pls pls pls pls #ask yourself why you feel the need to protect victims from the experience of growth #and then consider if that attitude is a fair or helpful one #because freedom includes the right to make choices. even stupid painful ones.#that being said this essay is more for people who played the game exclusively making choices they thought would make astarion comfortable #like ascending him or not participating in polyamory #this essay is NOT for people who just ascended him for dom dialogue with him #bc I think it is a bit silly to tell people who wanted a toxic make him worse dynamic #that they are enabiling toxicity and making him worse #this is just an alternative pov for people who genuinely think it is for the best to do these things

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bornwholocker · 25 days

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hello succession tumblr I would like to submit this for your consideration

#I don’t know if this makes sense #but it does to me #succession #kendall roy #roman roy #and their last hug in the finale is so a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort #i hate these people #i hate this stupid family #stupid show I hate #alex g

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beanghostprincess · 2 months

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You are on my page a lot with one piece takes so i wanted to send you one I had about brook. So I've lost my parents and my best friend and I personally have had a lot of dreams where they were still alive even addressing the fact that they shouldn't be alive but it's clearly ok now. But something sad that I think Book goes through in secret (maybe even Robin to some extent though different dreams) Brook often dreams of being back with his old crew or back on the ghost ship alone. At least once a week if not more. He wakes up in either delight only to see that while he isn't alone anymore he still misses his old crew, other times he wakes in a cold sweat fearing the new crew was all a dream and he is still alone on the ghost ship. Robin for a time I can imagine still wakes up in the old places she used to stay or wakes up as the person in her dream was trying to turn her in like so many have tried. These two have I feel the worst backstories of the crew. Just a thought or two I had.

Sorry about those dreams, it must be really hard. Something similar happens to me too and it's awful :( <3

I also believe Brook and Robin have dreams and nightmares about their pasts,, Brook dreams about his crew or being all alone and he wakes up having to check on everyone and not being able to go back to sleep. Same as Robin, I think, who besides having nightmares about being turned in to the Marines, also remembers her mom in her sleep.

I think, since they both have similar situations, that they often wake up in the middle of the night at more or less the same time and have night tea together in the kitchen. They talk gently and maybe they even mention their dreams. Opening up to somebody who knows what it feels like is reassuring.

Thinking about maybe Sanji joining them too? For obvious reasons. I just love this trio, ngl. Wano did something to my brain,, I think Sanji would end up joining them too, with the excuse of making tea for them, but he also has dreams about his past. It's actually really sweet because Sanji ends up falling asleep again on the dining table while Robin and Brook talk and they look after him until it's time to wake him up. I really like the concept of these three having quiet, tea sessions in the middle of the night after having nightmares. Who said found family couldn't fix everything-

#the depression trio or smth i just adore them #i think they deal with the same things and being together helps them a lot #sanji finding comfort in robin since she acts so gently and motherly with him #brook and robin finding understanding in each other #crying and sobbing idk #'frobin are the parents' yes but have you considered hanahone being his comfort parental figures #i know found families are all about breaking family roles and this is stupid yadda yadda but humor me a little here and let me say this #one piece #nico robin #soul king brook #black leg sanji

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blee-bleep · 9 months

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so what if i go insane and draw diakko as these panels

#so like we know how akko probably has low self-esteem post chariot reveal right #like she went all this way only to find out everything she knew was a fraud #but still powers thru lona and sorta has semi-self deprecating thoughts like kana has occasionally #diana doesnt comfort her and they get into a fight and it turns into this #*twirls hair* so like i just wanna make them suffer~#diana is so hellbent on repressing her feelings that inadvertently plummets akko's own self esteem #but akko's own source of comfort of self is that diana considers her a friend and rival but then diana avoids her and starts dating andrew #and akko's own sense of self gets WORSE and she doesnt find much to comfort #knowing it was all for naught because what she thought she had in her was just stolen long ago #like sure she saved magic and all but like it was surely traumatic for her #so wants something to confide in that no it wasnt a mistake #BUT THEN DIANA just doesnt interact with her anymore #and she tries her hardest to befriend her again after their rocky start and thought diana would be ok but then #uh oh diana catches feelings and stays away and akko's heart just breaks when diana does anything and everything to avoid her #akko after diana pushes her to the ground: do you... really hate me that much?#“youre right im still so stupid diana im sorry i wont talk to you again”#and diana just sits there in the rain like shinji on the chair LOL #diakko #aqukana #lwa #onk #little witch academia #oshi no ko #diana cavendish #akko kagari #hoshino aqua #arima kana #*eats this panels like peter eating burger meme* exquisite angst *gets food poisoning*

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bishonenspit · 4 months

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every time people fundamentally misunderstand the patalliro characters i lose years off my life

#bii talk tag #this isn't about anything specific dw im just thinking in general #the amount of bad takes ive seen in my time here.... augh #mostly abt The Mawaich obviously ppl just don't GET HIM... like obviously i consider myself the CEO of him but actually #the one thing ppl get wrong imo is that he was softened and lost his bad assery later in the manga which i DISAGREE WITH #at no point in maraich's life did he CHOOSE to be trained as an assassin and do what he does that's like key lore #he was raised by larken and trained as an assassin since he was a child he didn't really WANT to do any of that business #and even post figaro he still shows up and participates in major plots more than ban does!!! tbh!!!#just bc he had a kid and started doing housework doesn't mean he became useless that's literally the opposite #and even before having figaro ppl say he got softened GOD FORBID!!! like u know!!! and he's STILL doin shit!! whatever man #i hate it fr he's not a weak character for living comfortably he's still capable you guys are just haters 🫵‼️#also any time ppl call patalliro annoying i get annoyed bitch it's his show don't watch it if you're not here for him #also ppl give ban way too much credit he is Stupid #anyways im just Thinking

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the-chickenshit-oddity · 10 months

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i took an internet quiz to see if i have adhd (i don't really care either way tbh but i was bored and had the internet in my hand and my friend had talked about it, so) and one question was 'of the things we've asked, did you experience them before the age of twelve' (like, not focusing right or things like that), and, err, do people generally remember their life before the age of twelve?? i can tell you i suspected my gender, i can tell you i didn't like physical touch, i can tell you who my friends were or when their birthdays are, but i can't tell you who i was, or how i acted, or what i did. i know i played pokemon and spent time with my grandparents, because that fits the time period, but i don't actually remember it. i know the floorplan of my entire middle school, but i barely remember being there. anyway. i've known my memory has more holes than swiss cheese, but it's always weird to be reminded that it is, ya know, weird.

#stupid #sometimes i just consider the posibility that i'm an alien that's been implanted in some random body or something #but i'm comforted by the fact that i'm utterly useless so there's very little chance of me being special in any way

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majormeilani · 5 months

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in response to the prev post - how are there so many people saying in the comments they've never heard of people making fun of someone for choosing pads over tampons??? literally that's the first thing most people hear when they're like a teenager is that 'someday you have to grow up and use tampons' or the main talk when it comes to periods in a girls' locker room being girls making each other feel ashamed for not using tampons at their age. i'd love to live in whatever ignorant fantasy world that ppl who are unaware of that stigma live in because literally HOW are you not aware of that????

#ALSO not to mention you look in anything discussing periods and there's plenty of tampon users saying that pads are disgusting and tampons #are cleaner and all this other nonsense #also cis men will also be advocators for saying it's gross to use a pad too because whatever stupid personal comfort they have abt them #because 'ew it's on your private parts' and people who consider using tampons as a right of passage or some shit #like your ignorance about it doesn't mean the stigma doesn't exist lol.

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hwiyoungies · 15 days

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if you're going to move out of your country literally the least you could do is try to adapt to your new country rules and traditions, and if you don't like it sucks for you gringo weón

#i'm sorry but seeing all of the shit that is happening in méxico has me furious #because what do you Mean you willingly moved to another country #and now are pressing charges against a restaurant for their traditions?#for playing mariachi music? you gringo imbécil are mad that they're playing Mariachi Music in México?????#it's the fact that they're all still getting paid their usa salaries that are higher than the mexican ones #so they can afford to pay more for houses and you know gentrification happens #like yeah sure latine america is cheaper for you but have you even considered the difference in salaries?#if you want to move to any country here just because it's cheaper for you kindly fucking don't #unless you're getting paid what we're getting paid and you literally don't go and destroy the housing market even further #like fuck this whole epidemic of gringos leaving the states just to find a cheaper country so that they can be more comfortable #is so fucking infuriating because it's so selfish!!! making shit hard for everyone just so they can accommodate you #because they're not even immigrating they still have their stupid ass job in the states #so what are they doing for the country they're moving into. nothing literally nothing but be bothersome #b.txt #rant of the day so sorry i'll be off

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chaddicus · 16 days

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see the longer I play with my understanding of my transmasc experience and dysphoria, the more I grapple with the conflict between mocking fragile masculinity for refusing to allow the use of 'feminine' things vs knowing more and more keenly how much dysphoria I would and do get whenever someone associates something I do or use or wear with femininity. and no amount of people insisting that using "feminine" things doesn't invalidate someone's gender, man or otherwise, seems to have any impact on that dysphoria

we do need to untangle cultural perceptions of masculine vs feminine and respect for a person's gender, manhood in particular in this discussion, but I almost feel like knowing that means it's my responsibility to refuse to engage with those ideas for my own gender — and the problem is that knowing this is not the common understanding means knowing that other people *will* associate my use of feminine things as some sort of contradiction with any masculinity I may wish to express or identify with, and no amount of understanding the concepts and holding the principles can erase the revulsion and pain and fear I feel at the thought of people associating me with some concept of womanhood that I adamantly *do not experience or identify with.* fuck.

#I don't think I can be free of the trappings of fragile masculinity #until such a time that flouting them *won't* directly result in my transmasc identity & experience being disrespected #and especially as I cannot medically transition the way I want to #my expression and presentation is the *only* way to give people any impression of masculinity about me #and so choosing to incorporate things consider unmasculine into those just. fucks me up I guess #all this brought about bc I've decided I want some sort of bag to carry a notebook +pencils etc around in #but I am not willing to carry a purse. and so the thought occurred to me to look up masculine messenger bags or something #immediately triggering a mocking thought about fragile masculinity #followed by. all of this.#this sucks. I hate it here.#can we fix masculinity so I don't have to be afraid of people misgendering me more for carrying a purse or something #tbh making it alt has allowed me to feel comfortable with stuff like makeup & jewelry bc alt fashion is often tied to gender nonconformity #but for the life of me I can't figure out how to make a purse definitively alt. so I want to look up stupid masculine bags #the thing is I don't *want* a huge backpack! a mid-sized purse type would suit the practical need!#I just will throw up if people see me carrying a purse and form any sort of association with nonmasculinity because of it!! fuck!!!#x: axel talks #I'm sorry y'all I just keep having more and more feelings about this and I have no fucking clue where else to go with it #well I guess I have my queer support group this week actually that might be the perfect place for it #I just. need to excise it sooner than that. I will burst if I have to suppress it much longer

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laugtherhyena · 2 months

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I don't think i know what Ayame is to me anymore

#see i used to kin this character a ton when i was a teen but now I'm older and don't relate to her as much as i used to #i don't simp for her. even back in the day i don't think i ever did?#my liking for this character has always been something deeper than “i want her”#i guess i could call her a comfort character? but idk. doesn't feel right to me #as if there's a better term for what this character is to me that I don't know of #it's crazy because i am starting to think Ayame may be one of my favorite characters. point #like #favorite in general. not just from the another games or even danganronpa as a whole #which is fucking stupid considering this is a character from a silly ass 2013 fangame that dies in the second chapter #i hate her (immense lie)#dra #danganronpa another #ayame hatano #hyena ramblings

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mirsvintagesonytv · 2 months

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This may be controversial but I Genuinely wish people would stop being all arrogant and patronising Abt organ donation.

Like people talking abt organ donation to me is the equivalent of those virtue signalling posts on tiktok that’s like “if you don’t do this you’re a shit human being and don’t deserve genuine love or care” cuz yeah organ donation is important but so is respecting people’s wishes who don’t feel comfortable doing it. For example if your religion doesn’t allow it. Me personally I’m not opposed to organ donation but I don’t want to sign up (I live in a country where I’m automatically assumed an organ donor unless I opt out anyways) because I have such bad anxiety if I think about it I will have a panic attack. And I struggle rlly bad w intrusive thoughts and one occurring one is Abt having my organs removed so I just hate thinking about it bc it’s genuinely really distressing for me. Like the thought of having my organs taken is just so panic inducing and awful for me to think about because it reminds me of how I’m going to die one day and I’m actually terrified of that so xxxxx and whenever I try to explain this to people when I say I’m not an organ donor (haven’t got a card that u get when u sign up) it’s like “WHY NOT??!?!?!?” “YOULL BE DEAD YOU WONT NEED THEM!!!” “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SHIT PERSON DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT OTHERS IN NEED????” Like no. Just let me explain for two secs and stop being an asshole !!! I just think that it’s stupid cuz I think that even if it’s not for religious reasons we should still respect the wishes of the dead. If I say I don’t want to donate I don’t want to and I have a valid reason and that should be respected. I get that organ donation is struggling bc of aging population but you don’t have to make me feel guilty about my genuine fears and anxieties because you want to make yourself look better. Cuz these people don’t care they just wanna make themselves seem better than you most of the time. And they just scream at you and it’s really upsetting.

#more in tags #like there’s ways to get people to donate but publicly shaming and humiliating them is not it #and it just hurts as a mentally ill person to be hounded over things that genuinely make my illness worse #bc god forbid I want to stay stable and not have a breakdown #plus I’m also disabled like it’s good I’m not an organ donor bc babes none of this is working for me #so why would it work for anyone else #organ donation is a privilege and I feel as well that I’m not heard out as a disabled person when I try to explain #that hey I am self aware enough to know that my organs wouldn’t be of use to anyone once I die bc they’ll probably be the reason I do #plus I can still donate in other ways #like I’m all for donating blood or plasma and to help where I can and feel comfortable doing so #but forcing people to do something bc YOU think it’s best without even considering personal nuance is stupid and I hate it #organ donation #organ donor #personal #mirs thoughts #mir screams #vent #vent post #mental illness #mental health #blood donation #blood donor #plasma #hospital #blood drive #healthcare

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