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hellas-himself · 6 years

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Where There Are Shadows Pt26

AKA in my feelings aka I am Lucien and Lucien is me (but that’s a personal problem)

The whole Dawn/Day got me fucked up. I had to fix it. DAWN JUST FLOWS BETTER. AND IT IS THE SAME DAMN THING. but whatever. not my world. SJM knows best.

I tried to play with what little info we got in WAR and then in the novella and make some sense out of it. I hope I did Helion justice.

-Lucien-

Son of day.

Elain’s voice had echoed in the darkness. Sometimes, I’d hear Rhysand crying, asking me to wake up. I might have heard Feyre describing the color of the sun. But it always came back to Elain.

She held the sun in her hands and gave it to me. And then I was falling, falling, falling. Until I was welcomed by a darkness so deep, so endless that I let it consume me.

I looked at Helion, High Lord of the Day Court. There was something akin to remorse in his eyes. He looked at me, expectant, anxious. Feyre and Rhys were still at my side, they had known. Somehow. I wasn’t stupid- yes, I was stubborn and at times I was dense, but it did not take much to put the pieces together… Even if some of them were missing. But for now, I did not care.

“I’m not Beron’s son,” I whispered, leaning forward as I brought my hands to my face. Beron and I- there was nothing there that bound me to him. Every childhood dream came to mind, the ones I’d confessed to Mor. However late, it was here. I was not Beron’s son. It was as if this terrible weight had at last been lifted from my shoulders, and I could breathe. I didn’t realize I’d been crying until Rhys pulled me into his arms. After kissing my tears, he took my hands in his.

“I’ve theorized that losing your eye awakened another sense, to see beyond what others see. The mechanical eye was a perfect disguise for it,” Rhysand said.

My eyes fell on Helion once more, his eyes were glossy. Had he been crying, too? Feyre and Rhys both took turns giving me a kiss and without a word, left us alone. Until of course, I heard him whispering filth into her ear as they descended the stairs. Prick.

“I’m certain you would rather be in the midst of that,” Helion said, “Than sitting here with me.”

“Unfortunately, I’m forbidden from any activity that brings me pleasure.”

He smirked. I expected some kind of inappropriate retort, and I knew that it was at the tip of his tongue. But it was as if he remembered himself, remembered what he’d admitted and all of that arrogance was gone.

“How… when?” I didn’t even know what I wanted to know, if I wanted to know.

“A year before she was sold off to Beron. There had been a ball, it was the Equinox, after all.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it.

“During the war, the first war with Hybern- I rescued your mother. And that… well, that was when we threw all caution to the wind.”

“But I wasn’t born during the war.”

He chuckled. “No. You were not.”

“So that means…” They had managed to have an affair far longer than I could have imagined.

He shrugged.

“Mother’s tits,” I muttered.

“He discovered our affair, of course. But to admit it, to admit that he’d been bested- humiliated by her. Beron could never survive such a thing. And he never saw her as anything more than a possession.”

I felt the power that threatened to escape him at the thought of Beron’s treatment of my mother. He unnecessarily smoothed his tunic and twisted one of the cuffs at his wrist.

“I never knew,” he said softly. “I never even thought that it was possible that I would sire a child. Let alone with Aurelie. We had never dared to dream of such things. And then she went back to him. Chose him. And I let her go.”

“I don’t believe that.”

Helion still held hope for her. I could see it in his eyes. In the way he spoke of her. The way I had once dared to hope for Feyre, even at Tamlin’s side. Helion still loved my mother.

“I know that my reputation is… well known across Prythian. But for her, for Aurelie- I would have given her the world if she’d asked it of me.”

“But she never did.”

My mother never fought against tradition. Never fought against Beron. Silent. Timid. Pawn.

“I am not too proud to admit that I’d begged her to leave him. Once. But she refused. Had I known that you were mine-” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Would it have made a difference?”

“Yes. No. It has and always will be Aurelie’s decision.”

“Even though it was a fucked up decision?”

I knew that my words were sharp, I saw in his eyes that I’d hit him low. But I knew that I’d made the same decision to stay with Tamlin and I only left because if I’d stayed my fate would have been worse than death. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

“I’m sorry, I should not be so short. I forget my manners.”

Helion smiled.

“You’re not wrong.”

“It took me this long to get away from Tamlin… I can’t blame her, nor you for Beron’s actions. As I cannot blame myself for Tamlin.”

Something vicious flashed in his eyes but was quickly replaced with… curiosity.

“I do not understand how I never noticed. How many times had you come to my court?”

I chuckled. “I think I’ve seen the Day Court more in the last few centuries than Autumn.”

“I suppose we’ll have to ask your mother about that conundrum, won’t we?”

I raised a brow.

“We’ll have to get her out of there first.”

Helion grinned and I realized how similar he and Rhysand were. I was not sure how I felt about that.

“Leave the scheming to me. Your only job is to get out of bedrest.”

I chuckled. “I think I can get out of that one.”

He raised his tea cup at me. “A fox, through and through.”

Side by side, Helion and I walked through the halls of Beron’s home, led by guards that had met us at the border. Wards were useless against him, but he’d given them the illusion of control. Helion walked as if Autumn were his, and I knew if he wanted it, it could be. Was that what Beron feared?

The throne room was perhaps as long as it was wide, trees lining it on either side instead of walls, breaking it up into various ‘rooms’ for other court matters. The leaves overhead kept out the sun… But one look at Helion and I knew better.

I saw my brothers… half-brothers standing near Beron’s throne, an old gnarled tree with roots that grew right into the stone floor. It always looked as if Beron’s magic had to fight nature from reclaiming its rightful place. As if it refused to submit to his will.

Beron looked as cruel and angry as he always did. But as Rhys had helped me into my fighting leathers, he’d told me not to falter. Not to let my eyes waver when he looked at me. So I stared him down as we approached the throne.

And there she was, sitting on her small seat below his. My mother was still, her eyes on the floor. Behind her glamour, I saw the bruising. Old and new.

Beron chuckled. “Lucien… I see we are still climbing the ladder. Was Rhysand not enough?”

“I am not here on Night Court business,” I said as proud and arrogant as I could. “I’ve come to deal with family matters.”

My half brothers laughed. Save Eris. He had managed to step back beneath the shade of the trees. Watching. Waiting.

“Family? You denounced your family after you chose that low born whore over your court.”

“Oh, forgive me, Lord Beron. I should have been more concise. I am here for my mother.”

I heard her little gasp, and I saw the way Beron looked down at her.

“The Lady of Autumn does not have leave to go anywhere outside of this Court,” he said to which my brothers and others in the room laughed.

I opened and closed my hands. How Helion remained so calm was beyond me.

“I don’t believe anyone was asking permission,” Helion replied.

Beron was now furious. I could feel it. I remembered the ferocity of his wrath. Everything that had made me happy had been burned to ash by it. When Beron rose to his feet, I fought the urge to step back as he stepped down. He grabbed my mother by the arm and forced her to her feet.

“To your quarters,” he growled at her, but was met with a low snarl that silenced the room.

“You will take your hands off her if you value your life.”

All eyes were on Helion now. It was grounds for war for anyone to take a High Lord’s wife. But he had promised this would go without bloodshed. And I wanted to believe it.

“You dare threaten me?”

“It is no threat, Beron. I have come to claim my mate and no one, not even you can keep her from me.”

The room might have held its breath. I was staring at Helion now. He had failed to mention that particular fact. But it was as clear as day now. My mother’s eyes were wide and she finally looked up at Helion. She had not known it either.

With a look of absolute disgust, Beron shoved my mother away from him, but she barely missed a step before she was rushing to Helion’s side.

Helion wrapped an arm around her, but his eyes never left Beron’s.

“You have committed acts worthy of death,” Helion growled. “What do you say, my son? How shall we address this?”

He finally looked at me, and I swore that my heart might burst in my chest.

“She has seen enough violence,” I said softly, but I knew everyone could hear me. “But if she wishes for his head on a platter, we will surely gift it to her.”

Helion grinned as he looked back at Beron.

“Your marriage is forfeit. Your claim to her and her lands, her wealth is forfeit. Your claim to Lucien is forfeit. They are mine by blood and bond.”

Beron was growing red in the face as he staggered back. A dog with its tail between its legs.

At once, whispers erupted in the throne room. Beron would now be humiliated. Shamed. He would lose an insurmountable amount of wealth and property without my mother. They whispered if I could claim both Courts, if Helion would wage war against Beron. Some were surprised that someone as timid as Aurelie could have an affair and get away with it for so long. What a fool Beron had been to keep her at his side all these years. But the whispering stopped when Eris finally came to the front. He gave them all a look of utter repulsion before his eyes fell on our mother.

Something silent passed between them before he looked at me and gave me a nod, bidding me farewell.

“Be sure to sleep with one eye open,” Helion said, before he reached for my hand.

Eris was smiling when we winnowed away.

I knew I needed rest. I knew that Madja would surely kick my ass when we went back home. I knew that Rhys and Feyre were waiting for us in Kallias’ palace. But I couldn’t move. Helion stood there, both hands cupping my mother’s face. Her glamour was gone, her eyes were lined with tears as she looked into his. And he… Helion looked at her the way Rhysand looked at Feyre.

“I’m sorry,” I heard her whisper. Helion shook his head.

“I should have told you… I should have killed him.”

Her nervous laugh broke my heart. And then she looked at me and she sobbed.

“Lucie…”

“Mother.”

When I held her in my arms, she began to weep.

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

“This was not your fault. None of it ever was,” I replied. I looked at Helion, and perhaps, my words were for him as much as they were for her. “I don’t blame you for any of it.”

If tears lined his eyes, I was not sure. Not when it began to snow and he begged us to go inside as he was only wearing sandals and his legs were too lovely to get frostbitten. My mother laughed, a true laugh, and let him take her by the hand and lead her away.

Our arrival was met with hugs and an assault of kisses from Rhysand, who only made my mother giggle. There were many tears. Far too many tears. But for once, they were of joy.

“I’ve never forgotten what you did for my son,” my mother said to Feyre who couldn’t seem to leave her side. They sat beside the fireplace, hand in hand. Rhys sat on the armrest beside them, listening as he drank from his glass. Feyre insisted on looking at my mother’s arm, but there was no evidence of that old hurt.

“We are fire made flesh,” she said to Feyre, looking at me with a glimmer in her eye that I’d not seen since I was a child. “It’s alright… He deserved what he got.”

“So, Helion,” Viviane began, crossing her arms as she unceremoniously sat on Kallias’ lap. “Your mate is the Lady of the Autumn Court.”

He poured himself a glass of liquor. “Yes.”

“Your heir is also the paramour of the Lord and Lady of the Night Court.”

He took a long sip before pouring again. “Yes.”

“So when Rhysand marries him, Lucien will be High Lord of two courts. Three, if you decide to get rid of that bastard.”

Helion shrugged.

“Lucien will have three titles! Three!” she shrieked at Kallias who sighed in a way that reminded me of Azriel. The sigh of the long suffering.

“Let them have their moment, my love. When it passes, we will discuss the matter then.”

“That’s what you said on Solstice.”

Helion put an arm around my shoulder, leading me away from the others. Now in white furs and actual boots for once, Helion looked as though he would survive the winter.

“You and your mother are free to do as you will,” he said softly. I knew none of the others could hear. Not even Rhys who was now charming my mother. “All that I said to Beron… It was all for show.”

I looked at him in disbelief. There had been truth to his words… But very much like Rhys, that choice was ours to make.

“What if that was what we wanted?”

He seemed surprised by that.

I looked outside, watching the snow fall, the fae playing in it. The ice of the windowsill was a welcome relief, and I was surprised it didn’t melt beneath my touch.

“I’d always dreamed of this. That her mate would find her and take us away. Like-”

A small ray of light in all the darkness.

“I dreamed of you,” I said out loud and felt my face go warm.

Helion set his glass down on the windowsill and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I was Under the Mountain… All those years. Knowing what she was to me, and ignoring it. She didn’t know, Lucien. What we were to one another. I had felt it right to spare her from what you and your mate have had to endure.”

“Her sons were all she lived for… Until they grew up to become worse versions of their father. And then you came along… I had never even thought that far. I had only wanted her to be happy. And we were so young. What the hell did I care for children? Except that when you were born and that news spread across Prythian I knew that I’d been lying to myself. It was deeper than the sting of her refusal to leave him. It was like an emptiness I could never quite fill.”

He sighed.

“You’re not a child, Lucien. I can’t raise you,” he said with a chuckle. “But the Day Court is yours, as much as it is mine. And I would like it very much if you went to experience it as my son. Nothing will be denied to you… Although I would prefer it if you kept Rhys away from the throne room. He might just charm the mirrors off the walls.”

We both looked at him as he spoke with my mother and laughed.

“I would love to go… But after my mother accepts the mating bond. Much, much after.”

Helion’s laughter brought all eyes on us, and by the look on my mother’s face, I realized that though many things were broken and unsaid, there was a chance for things to change. A chance for us to have the life we had only dreamed of and never thought possible.

@readingismycopingmechanism @fuzdog @gently-say-aha @highladyofherondale @alxanxah @city-of-fae @rhysands-highlady @myfeyrelady

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goforwardgreenwriter-blog · 6 years

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The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 42 - 43

I AM ACTUALLY SPEECHLESS HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Manon Blackbeak cracked open eyelids that were too heavy, too burning, and squinted against the flickering lantern light that swayed upon the wood panels of the room in which she lay.

HHHH I’VE BEEN DREADING THIS. Please kiss the Manon we know goodbye, because we’re likely gonna never see her again after this chapter.

[Manon] bolted upright. Abraxos. Where was Abraxos—

Unghhh their relationship is too pure and wholesome for this shitty novel. I seriously want Manon to leave this series and go to HTTYD, it’s what she deserves.

(...) the chains now around Manon’s wrists, around her ankles—anchored into the walls with what appeared to be freshly drilled holes.

FRESHLY DRILLED HOLES. What did they use to drill those holes? Don’t tell me they popped down to Home Depot and picked up a brand new screw gun I am l aughing

Alien is there and already I’m seeing red please SJM i am begging u keep Alien’s crusty ass 100000 miles away from Manon

[Aelin] jerked her chin toward the floor. A pitcher and cup lay there. “Water’s next to the bed. If you can reach it.”

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU’RE GOING TO LET MANON DIE OF HYDRATION IF SHE CAN’T REACH THE WATER?? FUCK YOU, ALIEN, YOU MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT.

And as it turns out, Manon can’t reach the water and passes out soon afterwards. Fuck Alien I can’t think of one character I hate more than her fucking selfish ass.

Even unconscious, Manon’s every breath, every twitch, was a reminder that she was a born predator, her agonizingly beautiful face a careful mask to lure the unwary to their doom.

idk this seems weird... Manon is passed out from pain but they’re all splooging over how hot and dangerous she is... idk...

They were nearing Banjali now—and Dorian had tried and failed not to think of his dead friend with every league closer to the lovely city. Tried and failed not to consider if Nehemia would have been with them on this very ship had things not gone so terribly wrong.

*sobs* I miss Nehemia.... she deserved so much better....

“Hello, witchling,” [Dorian] said. [Manon’s] full, sensuous mouth tightened slightly, either in a repressed grimace or smile, he couldn’t tell.

What the fuck is up with SJM making all her men horny for the women’s lips during situations that are in no way sexual?? Like Manon is a prisoner tied up and dying of hydration, why is Dorian thinking about her mouth this is so fucking weird

Dorian didn’t feel like mentioning that he’d been the one who’d jumped into the water [to save Manon]. He’d just … acted, as Manon had acted when she’d saved him in his tower. He owed her nothing less.

Ungh SJM is totally gonna make this a thing ain’t she. Like Dorian is just repaying her here but you know, you just know SJM is gonna use this for them to hook up.

Manon asks Dorian about Elide and the Thirteen and Dorian is like “who the hell are those guys” and Manon gets all sad and I’m :(((((

Whatever had happened, whatever [Manon] had endured … Dorian draped an arm along the back of his chair. “It’s coming in a few minutes. I’d hate for you to waste away into nothing. It’d be a shame to lose the most beautiful woman in the world so soon into her immortal, wicked life.”

Heh, that’s typical Dorian for you. Hey, maybe this ship won’t be so bad! Maybe they’ll become really good supportive friends who bond over all the trauma they went through and-

“I am not a woman,” was all [Manon] said. But hot temper laced those molten gold eyes. [Dorian] gave her an indolent shrug, perhaps only because she was indeed in chains, perhaps because, even though the death she radiated thrilled him, it did not strike a chord of fear. “Witch, woman … as long as the parts that matter are there, what difference does it make?”

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCK

SJM. ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING KIDDING ME. DO YOU KNOW TRANSGENDER PEOPLE EXIST?? THAT NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE VAGINAS??? ARE YOU FUCKING SAYING TRANS WOMEN ARE LESS OF WOMEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE BREASTS AND VAGINAS??? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT FUCKING LOOKS LIKE TO ME.

I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS IN AN EPIC FANTASY SERIES. SJM WROTE THIS, EDITORS EDITED IT, AND THEN IT WAS PUBLISHED, AND NOBODY THOUGHT “oh hey, the implications of this are reaaaally bad, let’s cut it”

DJFHSJDFHAFJ THIS IS SO BAD THIS IS REALLY REALLY BAD HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST A BOOK WITH SHITTY PLOT AND WRITING AND CHARACTERS BUT NOW WE CAN ADD TRANSPHOBIA TO THE LIST THATS JUST GREAT.

Sorry about that little tangent but my jaw actually hung wide open when I read that line. Holy fucking shit this novel is going to put me in the ground six feet under.

Dorian offered a lazy grin in return. “Believe it or not, this ship has an unnatural number of attractive men and women on board. You’ll fit right in. And fit in with the cranky immortals, I suppose.”

I’m so heartbroken but... I have to disown my baby boy. Dorian was once one of my few favorite characters but SJM has killed him and replaced him with a transphobic asshole. I’m so sorry my baby boy, you flew too close to the sun. You are hereby demoted to Dorito.

Assdion rears his ugly ass head to be rude to Manon and kiss Alien’s ass before leaving. Bye bitch, hope you fall off the ship and drown.

“Then I suppose you and I are both heirs without crowns.”

Remember last time Alien said this and I defended Dorito, saying he deserved his crown? Oh, how I took those earlier chapters for granted......

The rest of the chapter is Manon angsting about all the shit she’s been through lately. Since I like Manon and she has reason to be upset, I don’t have anything to make snarks about so next chapter.

Lorcan was still wondering what the hell he was doing three days later

Oh fucking great, I just witnessed the murder of my son Dorian and now I gotta read in Lorcan’s POV? Just keep kicking me while I’m down why don’t you, SJM.

“It’s going to rain.” [Elide] slid a flat glance at him. “I do know what thunder means.”

Just fucking stop. This isn’t entertaining at all to watch two people bicker and made snarky remarks 100% of the time to one another and yet we’re supposed to believe they’re bonding I want to d ie

“Drink,” Elide commanded him. Lorcan debated telling her not to give him orders, but … he liked seeing this small, fine-boned creature in action.

What the fuck does that mean?? Fine boned?? Is that really a way people describe others???? What the fuck am I reading???

So Lorcan drank and watched [Elide] while she watched others. So many calculating thoughts beneath that pale face, so many lies ready to spill from those rosebud lips.

I’m so tired like. You guys have done nothing but argue and avoid each other and now Lorass is getting horny at the sight of Elide’s lips I’m so tired.

[Elide] was going to leave. Tomorrow, whenever the carnival rolled out. She’d likely hire one of these boats to take her northward, and [Lorcan] … he would go south. To Morath.

:(( the girl I emotionally abuse is going to leave after we both lied to one another :((( this is so sad can we get 100 likes

Elide talks to some people inside a tavern about Alien.

“Seems like the queen has a habit of showing up where she’s least expected, unleashing chaos, and vanishing again.

FINISH HER

Elide walked out of the third tavern, Lorcan on her heels. They hadn’t spoken once since she’d gone into that first inn. He’d been too lost in contemplating what it would be like to suddenly travel on his own again. To leave her … and never see her again.

I am utterly baffled you two have been nothing but assholes to each other!!! Like seriously you haven’t done anything nice for each other!!! Like wtf SJM is trying make us all :’((( about them splitting up but I can’t wait until this stupid subplot ends!

Elide reveals she can’t read to Lorass and he tries to compliment her, but...?

He wondered if he would have ever noticed if she hadn’t told him. “You seem to have survived rather impressively without it.”

I mean, good on him for not judging her, but like, she was locked up in a tower doing maid work? Reading skills really wouldn’t have made much of a difference there.

Turns out their carnival co workers ratted them out and sent guards after them. Lorass hauls Elide over his shoulder and makes a run for it.

“The gates at the city entrance,” [Elide] gasped as muscle and bone pummeled into her gut. “They’ll be there, too.”

Holy shit that sounds painful. She’s not a sack of potatoes Lorass, try some gentleness.

Lorcan pocketed the axe he’d thumbed free

You literally just took out your axe like two paragraphs ago on the same page. What was the point of this?

They find some rando and force him to get them the hell out of dodge on his boat. Elide hears a splash but doesn’t think anything of it until she sees Lorass again.

[Elide] glanced at the hatchet at [Lorcan’s] side as he strode out of the cabin. “You killed him, didn’t you?” That was what the splash had been. A body being dumped over the side.

So, just to recap, according to Lorass.... killing an innocent man who helped you escape the guards; completely justifiable. Stealing something you suspect is bad from a woman you don’t even like; evil, unacceptable, crossing a line.

“He might have had a family depending on him.” [Elide]’d seen no wedding ring, but it didn’t mean anything.

I was about to get tilted but SJM corrected herself. I hate the mentality that if you don’t have a spouse, you clearly can’t have a family who depends on you. Kids from previous relationships, parents, grandparents, siblings, they’re family too y’know.

Lorass finds out the Wyrdkey he carried is a fake and loses his shit.

Then Lorcan flung open the door, so violently it nearly ripped off its hinges, and hurled what looked to be the shards of a broken amulet into the river. Or he tried to. Lorcan threw it hard enough that it cleared the river entirely and slammed into a tree, gouging out a chunk of wood.

I enjoy his misery tbh. Lorass is so pissy he reveals to Elide that Alien was Celaena, or as I like to call her Celery, at one point.

“You knew, and you didn’t tell me. Why?” “You still haven’t told me your secrets. I don’t see why I should tell all of mine, either.”

I mean, yeah, hate to agree with Lorass but fair enough. You’ve both done nothing but lie to each other’s faces, why would he tell you that? I want to like Elide but all this shitty drama and bickering is making my affection for her wear thin.

Then - holy fucking shit, there’s like a bunch of huuuuuuge paragraphs of Lorass and Elide bickering and they’re so fucking big. This hurts my eyes to look at. I’m gonna screencap one of them, just to show you how fucking huge they are.

HOLY SHIT SJM BREAK UP YOUR BIG ASS BRICKS OF TEXT PLEASE. My eyes started to cross trying to read this, it took me like three tries.

tl;dr because of some bullshit Lorass is staying with Elide because they both have business with Alien. Fuckin’ great, I love everyone’s agendas revolving around the main special snowflake, just fuckin’ great.

There’d been nothing inside the amulet but one of those rings—an utterly useless Wyrdstone ring, wrapped in a bit of parchment. And on it was written in a feminine scrawl: Here’s hoping you discover more creative terms than “bitch” to call me when you find this. With all my love, A.A.G.

Maybe I’d find this amusing if Alien wasn’t a walking shitstain, but... I’m tired. I’m so goddamn tired.

[Lorcan]’d kill [Aelin]. Slowly. Creatively.

Damn wish you would fam, but Alien’s got plot armor bigger than her fuckin’ ego. Lorass ends the chapter by saying he’ll kill Alien, which we all know won’t happen. I’m betting money that there’ll probably be a Lorass/Rowboat/Alien love triangle once Lorass sees what an ~uhmazing~ queen Alien is. Don’t give me that look, you know SJM would.

#the worm talks #the worm reads: eos #anti sjm #anti tog #anti eos

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