#itll be way less strain on my ribs and like you can sleep in it...

[dirt-grub]

hm thinkin about trying transtape

#like idk its an option now.... i have money n stuff #itll be way less strain on my ribs and like you can sleep in it... #idk im in a weird spot bc im dysphoric but i know HRT is right around the corner but im like still scared #i have a referral but i need to tell my parents im going to that appt so like. its not going to be easy #like i have no clue how theyre going to be about it now that its actually happening #so i kind of want to try some other stuff in case that blows up in my face and leaves me twice as dysphoric but idk #im waiting until my next therapy appt to make a decision i wanna ask my therapist what i should do #but like. with quarantine i got used to not wearing my binder so much so like i get winded so easily if i decide to put it on #but also if i leave it off im just mad at my chest all the time #and my voice has been driving me nuts too.... i dont talk as much bc im mostly by myself and i open my mouth and just #its like oh god thats what i sound like??? #ough dysphoria hours boys #i want to start hrt so bad like i just. i want to get there #ive been waiting forever and it feels like its never going to happen but in reality it could happen within the next month! #i hate this feeling this is how i felt about graduating too #everything is in such a standstill and id jump out and grab it if it wasnt for my family #im nervous. i dont need more friction here #like they said do whatever you want we support you but said i should wait until im like 25 or some shit are you kidding #they keep coming up with excuses like we're not against it just uhhh some other thing #like they were worried about my mental health and that it might be *too much* with me also starting school... im doing fine in school #ive proven that so far #so like. there shouldnt be anything holding me back but they just dont want me to and thats the core of it #so theyll come up with something else i can just hear it now #theyll be like just dont aiden wait please can you just understand we're worried about blah blah blah #this is making my mental health worse! you cant just keep telling me i have to put my comfort aside without a reason #although who knows maybe theyll just say okay fine but like #still. they went back on my pronouns again. #what are they gonna do when i start physically changing? #im scared they wont even be able to look at me. they already hardly can #i know i shouldnt care about what they think but theyre the roof over my head. i have to live with them every day