#its 4 am im allowed to make mistakes

[688199]

marinette is FAR from being a “normal girl, with a normal life” (general criticism, and analysis of the location concept art)

pardon any mistakes, this is a rant post lmaoo

first and foremost, she is the daughter of paris’s most popular bakery. everyone knows it. and it's not loved the same way a long time neighbourhood bakery is loved. sleek high class interior design, like i bet a simple croissant costs 4 euros or smth.

now how about the earlier bakery design?

cluttered, lots of bread stacked everywhere, but it coneys well their love for baking. wonder why those "run down eating places" are always the one that have the greatest tasting food? it's because their heart is in cooking the meal. tbh, reminds me of the bakery in kikis delivery service actually. and why does these two bakeries feel so much nicer despite being so simple looking? because you can feel the hardwork (oh and the brown is a true vibe). full offence but the neatness of the current bakery feels like its a corporate business.

two, while she goes to a public school, it’s like the kids of all the most rich and famous citizens of paris are gathered there. adrien, model and son of renowned fashion designer. chloe, daughter of the mayor. juleka, daughter of famous rock star, alix, daughter of historian at louvre. mylene, daughter of a leading mine performer that had his posters plastered everywhere. that’s like just some of i remember. definitely not normal. unfortunately no concept art of the school. but knowing that the PV did reference marinette's bedroom, im going to assume the school design existed as a brief sketch.

this seems like a classy, rich college, same like the current one. but the design is better, imo, looks more school-ish. and third, it’s so clear that marinette is super rich. like man what the hell that room is thrice the size of mine. yet it lacks so much personality. what does this tell us about her? she likes pink. i seriously cannot find anything here that stands out to me.

this is why i much prefer the concept art locations. at least they look sort of middle class. it also gives marinette a “cozy” vibe, and someone who makes the best out of a given situation.

marinette is given the attic room. lots of beams, not very well furnished. yet she takes advantage of a seemingly bad room by using the beams to place boxes and toys. she also uses cloth to decorate the place, showing her appreciation of cloth design. it’s small, but has character, compared to marinette’s pink spacious room that’s a mess to look at.

furthermore the rooftop clearly isn’t meant to be used like that. but she adds little features to it, such as a simplistic bird house, wood planks to allow an even surface to place stuff/ sit, and a tent tied down by random pink strings and ribbons. it shows how she’s adaptable, creative and caring (bird house). plus it alludes to a sense of defiance and her “wanting to take a break”.

on the other hand, the current (it’s not even called a rooftop it’s called a balcony) is in big open space, smack right in front of the eifel tower, nicely floored with a proper fence and proper table for teapot. nothing here is "make shift" like the previous design. even if marinette did spend time making this place nice, how can we tell? there's nothing that hints to us that she worked on it. it doesn’t convey anything about marinette to us anymore, other than: “oh holy shit she's pretty rich”.

even this even earlier design is simple, but still says more about marinette than the current balcony. she carried her teapot all the way up there even though it's insanely difficult to. this tells us she's willing to put extra effort into things.

you could say im looking too deep into things. but i really am not. people fail to understand that even art, animation and film, every little detail, no matter how small, is important and should tell us the personality of the character.

with all the choices made in the series, how could you convince anyone that marinette is supposed to be normal? the whole concept of marinette and ladybug is that she looks average on the surface, but is capable of being a superhero due to all these favourable character traits of hers that tend to be overlooked. marinette dupain cheng? writers can't even make her look average for gods sake. from her appearance (stereotypically good-looking instead of charmingly cute, there's a difference), and her life in general (blessed with all the chances in the world that basically spoon feeds her her dream).

its exactly like those famous hollywood stars saying how much they suffered before they could succeed. except they were rich from the start with famous parents.

#ladybugclassic #miraculous ladybug criticism #mlb #ladybug pv #i hate everything about the show on god #marinette cheng

[skyclan-funny-name-squad]

Okay it's not 2 am anymore im going to expand on what i said earlier about kits

I think the no kits rule should have been established as one of the first rules of the warrior code, like, I think the warrior code at this point should be like "The word of the Clan leader is law." and "A warrior rejects the soft life of a kittypet." and nothing else. Super early, the clans are just getting started. I would portray this as a very dangerous period of time, the lack of rules around combat and the fact most members are previous rogues and loners means that its a lot more dangerous to fight and problems can multiply fast.

Since of the lack of rules and punishment beyond the leader going "dude what the hell" cats settle things in duels most of the time. One kind of duel is n revenge duel, where if a cat wrongs another cat, they can challenge them to a duel about it. A variant of this duel is an eye for an eye kind of duel, "if you kill my mom in dishonorable combat, i get to fight your mom and potentially kill her" blood for blood. You can't do this if your mom died in an honorable fight over prey or borders thats just expected. You CAN do this if they killed their mom in a dishonorable way (like poison or lying) or if they dishonor her after death (ie they take like an ear as trophy, or claw at her already dead body to purposefully make it more gruesome)

Medicine cats are still really new, so a lot of remedies are untested and unfound. They do their bests, but accidental poisonings happen as cats desperately try and fail to find cures. Our protagonist has been having a rough go at it, multiple times has she been involved in events where a cure failed or even backfired. Angry bitter cats blaming the medicine cat for failing or even claiming purposefully poisoning keeps challenging her family members to fights and her family can't say no without a LOT of loss of face, maybe a member of their family has already died from this.

They have kits, three beautiful about 3-4 moon old kits. Old enough that in a pre 6-moon determination, some cats might see them as old enough to fight. Another cat's birth goes terribly wrong, all efforts to save them just makes it worse. The surviving parens stews in anger before determining that the medicine cat doesnt DESERVE to have kits, not after the killed their kits. So they challenge the 3-4 moon old kits to an eye for an eye.

Everyone is....wary of doing such a duel with such young cats, but they're old enough right? Plus they agreed to fight all three at once. So that evens it out more? They wouldn't actually kill them right? While allowed a good scar can count as an honorable win. The duel is allowed.

They don't hold back, and it's clear that they are going to kill these kits, blood for blood, eye for eye.

Either two things happen here, he kills them which might be too dark, or to mirror squirrelflight and leafpool the medicine cat last minute before the blow is struck screams that they aren't their kits! they disown them! Which makes them back down, but the medicine cat knows if they ever take back that claim, that cat will finish the duel, and kill them.

Finally having enough of the system, and with no cat on her side to stop the duels seeming them as needed. She declares a medicine cat should have no connections to any cat but starclan to prevent more brutality for the mistakes of a medicine cat. The other clans eventually talk it down to just no kits as a full grown cat can fight after all. It then becomes law.

As the warrior code changed and shifted to add rules against killing, kits must be six moons, etc, honor duels fell out of favor as they began to be seen as barbaric and pointless. With the last one being the unofficial cheating duels of Mapleshade invoking ancient tradition. While the reasoning for this rule has become outdated and faded, the rule still lives on.

#warrior cats #warriors #warrior cat #warrior

[vennussy]

Ronance Fic Idea #2: Single Mom Nancy x Soccer Coach To Her Child Robin AU

hi welcome to another episode of its currently 1am and venny is self projecting, in today's episode we have the second part to my ronance ideas yipee!! here's the link to the first part [tw: mentions of torture and murder there] and sit back and relax since this one is more wholesome 🥰

edit: i started this at 2am and finished at 3:30am so pls beware there will be mistakes and i'll reread it tmrw when im not dying. im sorry who has to suffer through this now tho, may the lesbian goddesses be with you

set in a modern-ish time (I'm still not sure when this fic would take place in but definitely not the 80s) with no upsidedown or anything like that, and because of this nancy doesn't end up with jonathan.

nancy and steve were young and experimenting when steve accidentally gets nancy pregnant at 17. nancy's dad doesnt allow her to abort and practically disowns her while karen, the sweet angel she is, helps nancy with little max so she can learn how to take care of a child while still being able to go to school.

at some point steve and nancy breaks up mutually due to the fact they started to fall out of love and that raising max wasn't making their collapsing relationship better. but to this day, steve still stays in hawkins, working multiple jobs to send money to nancy for max's welfare and college. (ik he was an ass in s1 but idc, i want him to be a good dad)

after nancy finishes her college (let's say she doesnt go to emerson but another high level college in indiana), a year later, nancy gets a job and boston where her and max officially move to at the age of 23 for nancy and 6 for max.

HERE COMES THE SELF PROJECTING WOO!!

since nancy was practically away all the time due to her studies, she didnt really got to raise max that well and have a distant relationship with her. after they move to boston, nancy tries to fix her ralationship with max. and though max loves her and understands why she practically wasnt there for half of her life, she just doesn't know her own mother that well anymore, so she distance herself and nancy having a family who are also distant, didnt know what to do.

(i am totally not self projecting my own mother's neglection when i was younger only for her to try harder around my peak teen years and being absolutely successful bcs i love my mom so much and she's still trying her best)

ANYWAYS !! who else to save their relationship than Robin "I Will Love Someone And I Will Show It In Every Way" Buckley!!!

nancy is 31 now and is the chief editor for the popular boston bugle papers (hehe fallout 4 reference), whereas max is 14, starting her first year in highschool. they're relationship is still a bit strained but if not improving little by little until one day max comes home eagerly and tells nancy about a new friend she met in school that asked her to join the soccer team after seeing her kick the ball during her gym class (said friend was jane hopper). nancy was nothing but supportive of the idea and asked her how she could join.

apparently for freshmen newcomers, they have to go to this initiation with a parent or guardian just to get direct permission for their child but if not then a signed form is plausible. ofc nancy chooses the former option wanting to watch her daughter play in a school team for the first time as she was interested in sports like softball, volleyball, basketball and skateboarding but never commiting to it through a school team until now.

SO INITIATION DAY COMES !!!

nancy is sitting along the outside bleachers just people watching and looking at max with jane and all that shit when the presentation comes and the official gym teacher introducing herself. thats when the most beautiful woman comes in looking distressed and interrupts her during her introduction to the parents and children. nancy finds out that the woman was the soccer coach who only part-times as a coach for the school soccer team. robin buckley.

obv robin looked distress bcs her ass woke up late and was almost late to the intiation.

now the pining insues, nancy practically staring at robin the whole intiation and only looking away once in a while to watch her daughter beat the shit out of everyone else in the team along with her new friend like holy shit bro.

during the intiation she meets a nice woman named joyce where nancy can finally be friends with and tells nance that she's actually the mother of max's new friend. and yadda yadda plot plot.

SO thats the most of it now on to the little fun facts of the story !!

max is ginger bcs karen's parents and her are ginger but she dyes her hair blonde so dont be confused

steve is practically besties with nancy now and has the same distant relationship problems with max too, but she still loves him

"mom, why is my second name mayfield?" "bcs you decided that you wanted me to have a miserable time while i was out on the field with your dad and left my stomach. it was may at the time too" "oh-"

nancy has dated people in the past but none of them stayed that long due to nancy's distant personality and max's evil gremlin one

max def got her sarcasm from nance. who else? steve? yeah no.

robin is 28 in the fic and is not the sweet innocent robin we know 🥺 i mean she is still sweet and caring but not so innocent if u know what i mea- *gunshot*

joyce was very sweet at learning that max was a teen pregnancy and even often invites her and nancy for dinner

nancy meets jonathan and they become friends

fun fact will was there for el's intiation bcs he could never miss a soccer game for el as el could never miss any of will's award night for his paintings!!

robin and max get along well through soccer AND their sarcasm towards the boys

nancy is unlabled and doesnt care who she dates as long she likes them and can love max too

nancy teaches max all of about sexuality and gender respectfully thats why max is so open minded

nancy doesnt fall for robin at first sight, she was mostly intrigued and attracted to her but the more they talk the more she fell for her

gonna uni reverse this shit and say nancy fell first but robin fell harder

robin part times as a soccer coach and full time as a barista in a coffee shop

thats how they officially met

robin is new to boston, she only moved a few months ago from france, her parents are american tho

max loves hearing robin's adventures while traveling around europe

robin is very physical and bcs of this, she teaches nancy (indirectly ofc) how to express love through simple gestures and she starts doing this to max

when max was hugged tightly for the first time than what she can remember from nancy, she freezes and nancy thinks she made a mistake before max hugs back

max soon realizes that she loves physical affection

robin calls nancy the sweetest things and tells her that a compliment, even small, to max wont hurt

"hey max?" "yeah?" "good job during the game today, im proud of you" "........*sobs*" "MAX?!"

safe to say max and nancy's relationship started to heal and they often even joke around now, something they almost never do due to nancy's reserve personality and max's distant one

"mom pls tell me you weren't looking at coach buckley's ass today" "okay fine i wont!" "...." "*whispering* i do it everyday-" "MOM PLEASE"

robin then shows nancy the beauty of quality time love language, something nancy lacked with max

anyways thats all for now, i hope yall know i started writing this at 2am and its now 3:39am

I HAD FUN THO!!! this one was a woozy to write but i hope yall enjoyed it, maybe i will write a fic of this since i loved it sm

we'll see 👀👀

#this one's a long one #enjoy tho :) #stranger things #ronance #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #nancy x robin #robin x nancy #wlw #fanfics

[dogtierz]

How would you classpect Omori characters?

IM SO GLAD I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS!!! okay i’m putting a tldr at the start but warning for long post ahead of my reasoning (this is very much so me rambling) — also apologies for answering this ask so late ive spent the last like . 4 days thinking about this

sunny: mage of void

basil: sylph of life

mari: seer of heart

kel: heir of hope

hero: page of heart

aubrey: maid of rage

explanations under the cut !!!!

starting off with sunny ofc:

im gonna be so real i do Not have an explanation of why i chose mage . it just made sense in my head !!! i think it is a fun little interesting parralel to mari having the passive version of the knowledge class,, as for aspect,, i feel like void is pretty self explanatory. idk! i dont have much to say for this one but trust me it made sense in my head,!! i would like to hear if anyone else has a sunny god tier headcanon cuz yeah this is the one i am least confident in tehe

alright basil i feel like i can answer very easily:

i’d say he is definitely a sylph — and part of this may or may not be me projecting as i am a sylph and i really relate to basil’s character ;D

sylphs at their core are a passive, creation class. i think its a given basil would play a more passive class, i cant explain it but it just objectively makes sense to me. basils whole deal is that he wants to fix things, and feels inclined to heal and go back and fix his past mistakes, making sylph pretty much a given.

i was kinda torn between choosing the life or hope aspect for basil, as both objectively make sense in canon - but i wanted to sort of limit choosing multiple of the same aspects for characters. i think the life aspect makes sense for basil more, especially due to the plant symbolism n stuffs

ANYWAY,, sylph of lives whole deal are to allow for emotional growth in other people. i think the rest of the group very much so see basil as a person to look up to, someone who always tries to see the best in things and allows and encourages others to undergo personal growth.

alright mari time:

okay mari was kind of an obvious choice for me. i think seer very much so makes sense for her character, she’s very emotionally intelligent and being the sort of leader in their group, she has a lot of knowledge and serves as someone the rest of the group looks up to.

seers are very likely to slip into depressive states and have a pessimistic outlook on things, even though mari seems very optimistic to everyone else around her, we know as an objective fact that she is an overworker, overthinker and has the tendency to slip into states of perfectionism - i guess in a sense this can be compared to rose and her tendancy to slip into unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviours too

seers are pretty much an essential for a successful sburb session - and i think this fits well with the fact that mari is an essential to the friend group.

heart is a given, i feel i dont have to explain why mari has the heart aspect — seers of hearts are a classpect who invites knowledge through heart. and again mari suits this very very much imo!

okay! kel!!

alright. classpecting kel was kinda difficult — the hope aspect was obvious but finding a class for this dude,, man,, was it hard but in the end i decided to settle on

the base definition of a heir of hope is someone who influences and inspires the hope of others - allowing change from hopeless to hopeful, this defintely applies to kel in canon.

kel is very much a hopeful optimist, his reaction to maris death compared to the others was to hide his own emotions and remain hopeful (even though he did react badly, he just repressed it), he always was the one to hold out hope that the group would get back together, be friends again and everything would be fine! he just wanted his friends to be happy and tried to turn them from hopeless and lost to hopeful! — i think this is very well shown in the church scene w aubrey and how so badly kel just ! wanted to help !! ahhhggh i love him

heir of hopes are a motivational rock to their session, which acts like how kel is to the group

also i feel like kel kind of reminds me of john a little bit - i suppose this perhaps maybe a tiny lil bit influenced my descision u_u

for hero:

i chose page of heart,, i liked having hero and mari share an aspect bc they are just . they are both so lovey and heart to me ;3; and man obviously hero would have the heart aspect, i mean, nothing else would suit his character more.

a page of heart is someone who invited exploitation through heart, the passive counterpart to the knight class. pages are a strong and smart class, as is hero. a page of heart is passionate and thinks w their heart, again, as does hero.

pages are STRONG, and i feel like hero as the ability to play a very strong and important class. hearts and pages are both prone to being sensitive people, loving, caring and i suppise charming too (again!!!! as is hero!!! :P) — also if this makes any sense to literally Anyone else,, hero kinda reminds me of jake in a sense i Cannot explain why PSNDHDJ

and lastly, aubrey

like sunny i struggled a lot classpecting her but i got there in the end and - i actually have an explanation !!!

firstly, rage being the parralel counterpart to the hope aspect (which is what i classpected kel) is very funny to me, i think in game they have a very fun relationship and exploring that through them having polar opposite aspects is silly

maids are an active creation class, aubrey creates rage as a way to deal with the grief of losing mari. i think she does this more by self destruction but she very much so also takes her anger out on others and utilising her emotions for her class is something i feel is very interesting. aubrey creates rage through herself and takes it out on those around her

thank u for reading if u read all of this.. i enjoyed v much so writing this (i wanna draw em now too -__-) + i apologise if i got anything classpecty wrong.. pls correct me if so!!

#ask #omori #homestuck #i kind of pulled these answers out of my ass but it was rly interesting to think about #thank you for giving my autistic ass a hot minute to infodump about 2 of my special interesgz #also my classpecting knowledge is a liiitle limited as of now since im still trying to learn how classes and aspects interact w eachother #<- so i feel like i havent done the greatest job ! but hopefully u understand my vision #classpecting

[farawaysystem]

I wish there were more active and safe endo servers

Its hard to find endo servers that you know are safe. Sometimes they don't allow traumagenics which is okay too. I just prefer endo servers because: 1. They don't fakeclaim you if you make a mistake 2. I am pro endo and it hurts to even say im not just so i can find an active place for few questions about plurality. I can't use endo servers for it since they are probably full of people form fdc 3. They are usually safer because they know they are targeted 4. I feel more free

#endo system #endo safe #endogenic

[counterfics]

DOWNSHIFTING BOUNDARIES PART 3

♡ Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Sainz!Reader SMAU ♡ Requested: Yes | you can send in your own requests here <3 ♡ Warnings: Cussing, Gossiping, Potential misspellings (not proofread), Rushed text dialogue? Female reader, Plot twist?/Plot surprise?? Idk, Slander of Landon (If more let me know) oh yeah and potential cliffhanger (I forgot where I cut the story so its a 50/50 if its considered a cliffhanger or not 😼) ♡ Desc: Rumors are not new to the f1 community, but when a f1 gossip page digs into a certain driver’s life and puts details of their private life on blast it starts to become an issue. With fans coming to their own conclusions and developing their own stories how will their relationship prevail through it? What new information about the driver and his personal relationship will be revealed to the public? Keeping boundaries up between you and your fans is quite a difficult task that Charles soon realizes. ♡ Notes: This part picks up with dialogue with the reader and charles on the phone shortly after he was called by his PR team, im ngl I kinda didn’t have this part planned out😭😭 but I figured you guys deserved something different that added to the story besides the social media parts since I couldn’t get the sms to work </3 HOWEVER please feel free to interact, and tell me what you think of the series and stuff so far it really helps boost my confidence!! Also don’t feel shy to send asks or just talk to me im in need of mutuals and more ideas to create!! (Part 4 will be the final of the series, might add mini wips here and there but no more big parts, so send in ideas for more things to write please!!!) ♡ Guide: f1 masterlist | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4.1 | part 4. 2 | series masterlist

PART 3

[00:01 incoming call "Lord Percival"]

Y/n dials Charles’s number and waits for him to pick up, after a few rings she hears the phone connect and a shaky breath from the other end of the phone. “Charles what happened mi amor” said y/n in a soft and gentle tone. Charles sighed as she could hear him place the phone down on a surface as she heard a little clink once it hit the table. Through an almost muffled voice, head in hands as Charles responds “I messed it all up amore”, there was a brief pause as he took a deep breath in and picked up the phone again “Aides from my slip up that I DO NOT want to mention right now, the PR team told me that I needed to make a statement to get a hold of the situation, they said they didn’t want to force me to release everything but if it gets any worse then its either I spill everything or I give up my seat for the next few races since they don’t want me in the frontlines giving way for the company to get a bad reputation”. Y/n sighs and tries her best to offer support and console him by speaking gently once again “It’s okay mi amor, everyone makes mistakes sometimes I mean hell, look at lando… his parents made a mistake with him but he turned out okay” she said which prompted a weak laugh from Charles. “And besides, I support you and every decision you make. You have my full trust, I promise you I’m alright with going public if that means less stress and pressure on you.” She says before letting a comfortable silence fall between them for a moment. “I know and I love you for how supportive you are for me, unfortunately unlike lando’s parents mistake with their… mess of a kid, I am just worried that this wont turn out okay, I don’t want anyone trying to talk badly about you and get between us” Charles said trailing off softly. Y/n stifled a laugh when he slandered Lando with her before replying again “Charles, Mi Amor, My Everything… I promise you no matter what happens I will not allow it to get between our love and bond we share. We have been through so much and I don’t plan on ever stopping so you better put on your big boy pants, pull them up and realize that no matter what you do or what results from this, or any situation for that matter, we will always stay together as strong as ever.” Her words of encouragement causes Charles to smile and regain his confidence temporarily, as he stands up he quickly utters some words into the phone “I love you so much Y/n, thank you for always being here to pick me up when I’m down. I think I have a plan of how I want to handle this, I’ll text it to you later if I get the chance and if I cant tell you via text I’ll just tell you later tonight. Ti amo.” The call ends leaving a silence surrounding Y/n, she smiles to herself knowing that Charles will find a way to correct the situation that will make him feel more sane so he doesn’t start speaking in tounges again on the floor.

♡ DO NOT STEAL, TRANSLATE, OR COPY MY WORK ONTO ANY OTHER PLATFORM !! ♡ f1 masterlist | Inbox | previous part | next part | series masterlist ♡ Sidenote: thanks to @obsessedovermadrid with letting me brainstorm and run some ideas through with them when I was somewhat unsure about the writing part of this one! ♡ Taglist: [let me know if you want to be added! striked through url means tumblr wouldn't let me tag you] @stinkyjax @thef1diary @a-beaverhausen @ireadthensuetheauthors @dutifullyannoyingfox @ushygushybaby @janeholt3 @obsessedovermadrid @bokutos-babyowl @multi-fandom-fan221b @shiftermeance @mxdi0 @d3kstar @boiohboii @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

#counterfics #.formula1 #formula one x reader #f1 x reader #f1 smau #f1 series #f1 scenario #f1 imagine #formula one #formula racing #social media au #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc smau #charles lecrelc #carlos sainz #lando norris #sainz!reader

[thediaryofa20somethinggirl]

i’m at work on my breakand i can’t help but spiral about the complexities of moving this fall. life is so sacred, delicate and fragile. one great thing is that there are many beginnings, and the power of going back is just moving forward trying to not make the same mistakes again; holding back on fear's accord. is this opportunity to move a sign from god? a hint to take the jump? every time i close my eyes and envision myself moving i get almost clouded with my own anxieties, like a big sister trying to get her photo taken but the thumb of whoever is taking the photo (let it be god?) keeps getting in the way. i don’t want fear to be a reason to hold back, but more so of a reason to jump.

i texted my dad i loved him on my 15. all he said back was “hurry home.” it makes me want to go fuck myself. when i am met with thr dismissal of my compulsive burps of “i love you” i can’t help but turn back into that 5-year-old girl, doing everything in her gaze to get daddy’s validation. love from my father has always felt like work. that’s a fact, with no judgment attached. my father is more than 4 times my age, meeting us at the rip age of 60. his generation was taught the importance of being seen, rather than being heard. i understand him, and i love him unconditionally. something i was born with; this inherit need to not only be loved but constantly love him. i texted back, "i'm at work till 4:30, i already told you." hoping that the period properly showed my passiveness. his reply was "i know it's just that every minute you're away from me burns a hole in my heart." i giggled as i read this on my rush to my car through the store.

im currently home from work, i got home about three hours ago. i haven't done any homework yet, and i am still here procrastinating on getting two major assignments done for class. i am also on the toilet, contiplaiting if i should order ramen. if i should break my 24 hour fast for some celebratory and motivating veggie noodles floating in a flavorful lake of broth. ramen that i am trying to convince myself, is brain food. the only thing; the laxatives have been causing me to shit constantly all day. i wonder if i should give my stomach a break? or fuel it with good foods; steamed broccoli, vegatable broth, and tofu for protein. mmmmmmm. ahhh sounds yummy. my go to comfort meal; instantly bringing me back to the emotional release of being in 71st Street Ramen, in a corner booth with Emerson and Basil. okay then, its official i am going to order the ramen.

that makes me think of another thing, especally in my desire to regain control (by releasing control LOL funny how that works. that the balance is finding peace in the things that you can control, and submitting to what you can't) of my life; i need to regain control of my eating habits. i don't know what happened. it saddens me that i have allowed myself to let this go on for as long as it has. maybe its just being home. maybe its the depression of watching my mother slowly die. maybe its the Florida street weed intensifying my cravings to the ripest extent. maybe its the addicition to guilt or the need to shame and give myself reasons to be a bitch to myself. maybe its because i can't cope without food, mainly triggered by a 2 day fast followed by getting increasingly high with Florida street weed and cleaning the pantry from every cookie in the jar. following that, i will swallow pills - not only to help the bloat but to help pass what i just swallowed down. i think i've become addicted. not i think, i know.

one thing that has released and pushed my habit to the healtheir level, is binge eating with fruits, steamed brocalli, eggs and hit sauce, high protein bars, oatmeal, dried fruits, nuts, and usually waffles drentched in butter and warm honey (my fucking favorite high snack, fucking fuck, i can't describe how good it is other than a dance of sweet and savory - but natural, almost timeless in my devorar. its also just waffles with butter, and honey, but let me dress it up.) binging with heathlier food ; food of actual sustinance. food that gives you nutrients. foods that benfit me and my body. carrots for my eyes, chia seeds and oatmeal for fiber, etc.. food that makes you just wanna play that video from the early 2010s of that redhead kid who was on The Ellen Show, the enbodiement of that redhead kid going,theres nothing like a nice slice of pizza to recharge your batteries, but instead of pizza its this warm honey waffle, and nuts, with dried tart cherries, and brownie protein bars. the guilt is somehow ridden. i feel slightly more responsible as a parent to myself. im the mom who feeds her daughter only the best, organic bullshit. now this means im ready for the next step; no binging period. and remianing in a deficit! eating a healthy amount, at healthy times, with healthy outcomes (if you get my drift) no need for laxatives. full trust in me, and my body. in my bodies ability to regulate, and be beautiful in her performance. she's ready. im ready.

time to talk about the start of my day:

when i woke up this morning i took a bowl of weed, and dozed off half dreaming about a different time with Khalil - this time 2 years into the future; living together. again with the could'ves. i don't think its shameful to wonder if he still thinks about me, corny maybe, but not shameful. at least im not allowing myself to be ashamed of what i feel. i could just be craving a connection, a snese of unrelenting intimacy. he would be a really good distraction right now.

ill finish this entry with telling you about work and the present moment (besides the ordering of my veggie tofu ramen, the memory of my two soulmates.) other than daydreaming about Khalil, I got dressed, took my meds (b12,collagen,glutamine,spiralactone,dustersiteride-or however you fucking spell it-zinc,vitaminC,womensmultivitamine,cherryroot,tumeric,milkthistle,beefliver,and a probiotic), had a cup of black coffee accompanied by a jounral session with god and my mom, showering myself with affirmations, trying to convicne myself that i can somehow make something out of the day. i went to work.

work was work. work was busy. work is always busy on a saturday. i was bloated the whole shift, from my binge the night prior or maybe the irritation of the laxatives, and my feet kept blistering from the fresh pair of mary jane flats i impuslivly purchased and wore today. i thought that they looked cute with my baggy jeans. beauty is pain, pretend im eye rolling. no actually don't pretend, know for a fact that i am eye rolling. i don't think beauty is motherfucking pain, mainly because i feel my most beautful self when i am the most unresticted, unbound by the idea of what my beauty should be measured by; pain. beauty is feeling unbound in a flowing linen dress. beauty is the dance of my hair, the daily movement she offers around me. let me not get distracted. okay work. well work was work, like i said. i did my usual; shelved books, answered phones, looked for cute coustmers to help, and of course took my breaks. i never forget a break, especially if they pay us for it. thank you, thank you, thank you. i then got a large three shot americano from the cafe, in hopes to pass whatever is left in my bowels for my ride home. i drank half and might save the rest for tomorrow morning. something tells me that i will be up very late maybe even into the morning trying to get my homeowork done. ill start after the ramen which should be here any minute. currently, however, im debating whether or not the ramen im about to fuel on is going to help aid or hinder that process. regardless, im optimistic that the nutirion and protien will help bring back the life in my face. i trust my bodies ability to metabolise fast, and regulate itself. i release the worry of food hurting me!!!! im gooing to go eat.

xx

mattea

#dear diary #journal entry #aspiring writer

[onmymasa22]

I am over the moon grateful to have been able to stay with family during the war. To be a jew anywhere is not simple right now, and its easiest to breathe in a home. And with that i am also really grateful to be If i wrote a book about falling in love with someone i cant have, the last lines would go like this:

You dont need to be angry with people. We have this idea that if someone wrongs ou, you are supposed to rave war. But just because i dont react, doesnt mean that what u did wasok. U r an idiot. I have moved on from that. How i react wont make you more or lessthat what i know u r. All it does is wastes my time. But make no mistake, kust be ause i choose not to respond to u,doesnt mean ur good.

And i told him, as chilly november wind blew, as we sat on the bus stop bench. 11am, a lit cigarette in my hand. I told him that i believed with my whole being that we would meet in a different lifetime. The feeling i got from him was that we knew eachother. An instant connection. He felt like a version of home. I knew that in a past life, we were married. We were so extatically happy together. That couple that disgusts you and simultaniously makes you believe in love. That kind of love. We were lying in bed, and you asked me if i thought we'd love eachother forever. And i promised that id love you for a thousand lifetimes. And here we are now. And i love you, im fulfilling a promise i made, but being with you is not going to happen in this lifetime

Im happiest when im there alone

Im in a mood of smoking weed with friends. Drinking vodka cranberry and watching a stupid movie.

Watch indiana johns something something lost ark... can someone explain to me why its known for being about good versus evil... the nazis are evil, but then the ark goes to the americans which is pretty mediocre... cuz indy wanted it to be something and america put it in the closet.

To everyone whos personality is empathetic but quiet. Where you're not going to post or talk about everyone you feel connected to. Those who fall apart from seeing pictures or images of people you dont eben need to know to feel as awful as anyone else. To those who are seasonally depressed anyway and the war doesn't help. To those who knowone will ever know just how many souls you connect to you because all you need is a voice, a picture, a video and you feel like you know them. To those who conside themselves a leg and the person who we lost an arm, who feel the loss, who understand how weird it is to be sorry for your loss,

I want a degree and then to get a job while looking for my dream job. I want a little apartment outside of the city.

Get a job

Live outside the city

Move in the summer

Get a job and work 4 times a week as a student

Live off of my money, start living my life

Work in rishon for the year- make up the classes

13&13 or 12&12

Weddings and funerals both have a special way of polarising people. You either know them or you dont. You were closer friends versus not so close. I always thought it was weird the feeling people get by being closer to an event, theres a justification that always happens where youre allowed to be extra happy or upset the closer you are. It sounds weird, but i always found the energies at celebrations and tragedies a curiosity. But for the empaths who feel it all but dont talk alot, who only need a video, a picture, a voice, to feel "unjustifiably" affected by a loss in our nation. Where you feel it all but noone says "im so sorry for your loss" cuz why should they. Where you find yourself wishing you knew them cuz then it wouldnt be so weird when you cry, people would just understand. Im gonna tell you: you are normal. Whether you knew the person, and whether you didnt know the person, wherever you are on that spectrum, i am so sorry for your loss.

You know as jews we kind of are a part of one body, and i might be a leg, and a lost person is an arm and i feel

Other girls might have been friends with a bunch of guys. Been really gross with guys. Bikinis on the beach, every night partying, friends and cars. India and sinai. Other girls might miss stuff like that. But do u know what i miss? I miss how i met ur mother marathons. I miss ordering pizza and eating way too much. I miss talking through greys anatomy about great scenes or whats medically correct. I miss going out to buy candy in onesies. I miss the one time drinking and watching the stupidest movie known to man. I slept so good that night. I miss the first time i ever smoked weed. I was in a bad mood, and the weed made me forget, and i stayed in a chill mood that whole night. I miss dancing on the kibbutz, we all secretly glt drunk at 10am and spent the day dancing. I miss the birthday party my pants caught on fire. We were under a bridge and it started raining and we were all soaked and just started dancing our butts off in the pouring rain at 3am. I miss the first day i felt pretty. The day i could look at myself and didnt want to hide in ramat gan. I miss the fireworks when the arab guy kissed me. The first guy i liked kissing me. Wjen he asked for my number. I miss my 21st birthday birthday where i felt so much gdly presence i was floating and gave out flowers at the hospital. I miss my first time in israel meeting the israeli soldiers. My life may not have the same amount of pictures as everyone. I dont care what i wore that day. But i had a spectacular life. Mostly i miss the calm of sitting abd eating pizza and watching tv with friends. Thats what i love the most. Ive had loud obnoxious in your face kind of adventure. Not the same adventure as everyone else. And maybe theure jealous of me- i had a crazy adventurous life. I lived in California knowing noone. I never really had an apartment- its too adulty for me. Its ok that their life seems so great. It isnt. I dint want it. I want my life. My life, with its regrets, is incredible. Its a story of a girl who knew it would get better. And then it did. It was spectacular.

A millionaire businessman needs to go to europe for two weeks. He goes to the bank and says id like to take out a loan for 500 dollars, im going to europe for two weeks. They need collateral so he says heres the key to my new jaguar. Ok, he goes to europe. Comes back two weeks later, back to the bank. He says whats the interest i owe they say 13.50. He gives them the 500 dollars back. He pays them the 13.50. He gets his keys back. The bank says mr businessman, if you're rich enough to have a jaguar, why did you need to take out a loan for 500 dollars? The business guy says where else could i have parked my car in Manhattan for 13.50 for two weeks

I want written on a teeshirt:

You can treat me like crap. You probably wont go up in flames or melt. Youll just have to deal with it in your next reincarnation while im in gan eden. But you are totally welcome to make the wrong decision. Thats you free choice.

I bought a perfume from giorgio armani a year and a half ago, my first time in italy. I wore it everyday and enjoyed smelling fresh- shampoo meets counter cleaner. I loved it so much that this past summer i finished the 80 dollar bottle. For me, perfume and mascara are an everyday thing that helps me feel alive and ready to go out. Before going out, i spray it on, and my favorite compliment is man, u smell good. I havent worn perfume for months. Definitely since the war started, its turned life upside down and i really havent thought about perfume. It seemed so vain. But for my birthday, i got a new bottle of the same lemon counter cleaner perfume, and i sprayed it today,and it just makes me so happy. Happy thati have t been in a while. Its like the perfume makes me feel ok. Like im ok. I can start the day. It just made me fall inlove with myself, and remember when life was just going about the day, hanging out with friends, late night car rides, dinners, sweaters, going to school, thrift shopping, beach days. When i felt ok. This is so important. It was a birthday that i wish i could tell myself the last like 4 birthdays- u will hve a birthday that makes up for all of it. Not because its some blow out birthday,but it actually was my favorite birthday since i was 20 and gave out fowers at the hospital. This birthday was just good. I took it gracefully. I wanted cupcakes and perfume. Guy texted me and that made me feel the best. Some friends wrote on my facebook page, some friends texted me. I just was quietly happy. Guy saying when can we meet up really made my day. I just felt loved by people likd i deserve the best. A guy will comd who deserves me. Who loves everything about me. Who will accept my faults and i can be honest with. Someone who sees me for who i am. Maybe i am someone who affects people around me. Im someone people remember.

Why do people have free choice to be an ass.

[thelostmoongazer]

Who are you, Steven?

I abruptly had to interrupt my hyper-fixating on my ocs to draw this out cuz i know if i didnt it would haunt me for the rest of my life. 

this was based on commentary that @launturnforest made to this gifset and it just... made me think... as one would do when given a thought provoking analysis lol

#steven universe #connie mahaswaren #su #su spoilers #steven universe spoilers #fandoms #moon art #digital #but i just feel like if some one actually asked him ''who are you?'' #especially in a time of his life wheres the last thing he’s thinking about is himself #i thin he'd have a really hard time answering that #i mean yall saw how he was when amethyst asked him a similar question #''what about you?'' ''what about me?'' ''what do you wanna do?'' ''i wanna help people.'' #thIS KIDS NOT THINKING OF HIMSELF AS MUCH AS HE LIKES TO THINK HE IS #also this is the very first time ive drawn connie and geez ive been missing out what a cutie #i broke the 180 rule fuckin wh o o p s #its 4 am im allowed to make mistakes #queue #also merry christmas eve everyone! #and happy late hanukkah!

[omeno]

.

#im super hesitant of ever showing/posting my art #bc i feel like im not an actual artist bc all i can & draw is 3/4 bust shots with a raised eyebrow & smirk #and i jusf idk #i feel stupid & like wasting my time & like i have no right to call myself an artist if i 1. dont post my shit & 2. dont improve #it such a toxic fucking mindset & #im working super hard on getting rid of it bc it benefits nobody & makes art unenjoyable #and also i know that itz just a fucking lie like #i know im an artist & the only way to improve is to get off my comfort zone & allow mistakes & ugly pieces to exist #like i have been trying to draw for at least 4 years now & i have been painting digitally for just as long #i am by all means a fucking artist #& i Enjoy it so very fucking much!! its my favorite thing ever #and thats exactly why not only am i incredibly hard on myself but also why i Crave validation for my achievements #and yeah. #idk where im going with tbis #i just drew the bench trio& almost posted it but artist dread took over. #so here i am i guess #anywho

[benchtrio-updates]

An important message from Ranboo:

Transcript underneath the cut!

(The pastebin link is [x]; I’m unsure as to who made it, but the person who posted it is Twitter user miskellanea!)

[START] [1/10] Hey guys, I wanted to talk about something here that has been weighing on my mind for quite a bit now. I talked about it on stream a little bit but I want to touch on it more here, please spread this message to other platforms as I am only putting it here because its easier for me to word my thoughts correctly here.

[2/10] Lately I have found myself in kind of a weird spot when it comes to my fanbase, I have seen stuff that I have tried again and again to stop yet people sadly dont seem to take my messages to heart when I tell them about my boundaries. I really do appreciate my fanbase and I know that most of you guys are absolutely great, and if you dont do any of the things im going to list then you just keep on being a good part of the community :D.

[3/10] Recently I have honestly been terrified.

[4/10] In case you didnt know I am a VERY anxious person, and whenever things and events keep on happening in regards to other creators and situations I keep on getting brought into it as an example. Whether it be people saying "Ranboo wouldnt do something like this" or "Ranboo did ????? so why cant this person do ?????". I ask you PLEASE to stop putting me on a high pedestal, as I am a person so thus I will make mistakes! And honestly I have been so scared, unnecessarily checking every single post that I make as well as not speaking about certain things because I am so scared of wording it wrong and making people upset because of the fact that I have an okay reputation. I am glad that you guys think of me as a good person, but consistently bringing me up and putting me above others because of what you think of me scares me so much because the higher you put me up the further I can fall.

[5/10] I am in no ways a perfect person. I have made mistakes and I have learned from those mistakes. Am I trying to not make mistakes? Yes. Will I make mistakes in the future? Absolutely. I am trying my hardest to be a good person but you guys have to understand that I am in no ways a perfect person, Im not even close. So PLEASE stop holding me to higher standards simply because I have not made a mistake yet because the more you do that the worse it will be WHEN I make a mistake.

[6/10] Now, this does NOT mean I am not okay with being educated/corrected. If I make a mistake I really do want you guys to inform me of what I did wrong and give me the opportunity to make it right! But this does NOT mean that I want you guys to put me under a microscope and try to find every little thing that I may do wrong because I am already putting myself under a microscope which has not been healthy for me as of late. So PLEASE stop bringing me up as an example of a "perfect cc" or an "unproblematic cc" because I know that if I get that label, the moment I mess up it will be much much worse.

[7/10] Am I a perfect person? NO. Am I trying to be a good person? Yes. I am trying to educate myself on issues as well as try and understand a lot of the troubles that many people go through in my fanbase to try and make the fanbase a better place, but if I am not allowed to be respectfully educated when I mess up then I am losing the ability to learn from my mistakes. I really do want to be a good person, but the stress of consistently trying to be perfect is really not healthy for me. Part of that does come from me however so I am trying to figure out how to manage that on my own, I mean I entered this situation having no idea how to handle a fanbase of any size and I have been learning as I go.

[8/10] Another thing that has been still happening which I have tried again and again to stop is people associating with me and then sending actual threats. Threats of any kind are NEVER okay with me. So if you want to associate any part of your profile pic, bio, etc. then PLEASE never do these kinds of things. Another thing is if you want to associate yourself with me, but get into an argument please try to do so respectfully! So please if you want to get into drama and you decide that you do not want to be respectful about it please do not associate your profile with me. However, I am completely okay with you guys calling out issues and being associated with me as long as you do so in a respectful and educated way! I encourage you guys to try and educate others, but please do it in a respectful way if possible! (I do understand that it may be hard to do it in a respectful manner in some cases, so if you do decide to act in that manner please do not associate your page with me as if enough people see the same common denominators in a profile they will give the fanbase a "toxic" label.)

[9/10] If it will actually make the community, situation, or heck even the world a better place then that is completely okay! But if it is just an insult or a threat that does not add to a discussion then please do not associate your profile with me as it makes me uncomfortable! I tried my best to word this in the way that I was thinking but I know that some things may have not been worded in the best way so I will clarify if needs be!

[10/10] (PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS WAS WORDED WRONG! THANK YOU! TLDR: I want to be able to continue to interact with my community, but sadly the stuff that I have seen in SOME (absolutely not all) areas has really rubbed me the wrong way. I really want this message to stick this time, I have tried again and again to establish these boundaries yet I continue to see more and more that just really breaks my heart. [END]

#mcyt #dsmp #dream smp #ranboo #ranboolive #transcript available #i’ll fix the formatting when i get home! so sorry for the inconvenience!

[timobeechalamet]

dune thoughts!! (it’s 1:30am and i’m in bed so this is by no means a review lmao)

lots of spoilers ahead

[pretend this is a cut im on mobile]

ok for starters for my first imax experience it wasn’t at all worth the 4€ extra lmao it was just too big and too loud

the beginning was a bit choppy i have to say. the voice over and then the first few scenes are a bit patched up to introduce as many characters in as little time possible. but this is like the first 5-10mins only and then it settles into a good pace which leads me to

this film. is. so. long. maybe i’m just rusty from not going to the cinema ? but i was surprised at how it kept going lmao in saying that i was never bored for a second, nor did i think ‘come on hurry up’ a single time. this might be the most impressive thing actually, it keeps you engaged the whole time

PRODUCTION DESIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COSTUME DESIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so haunting it stands as character/narrator of its own

A+ acting all across the board, actually impeccable. everyone is so good they make everyone seem average if that makes sense!!! the standard is so high and they all rise up to it

somehow it felt like timmy slipped into this role completely seamlessly, which is surprising considering it was his first time acting in a production this scale and given his background up to dune, it could’ve felt misplaced or heavy-handed (not that i was expecting it to) but it’s really just. he showed up one day as paul ? ik there was a learning curve w this role for him but that doesn’t show at all. natural. talented brilliant show stopping etc. basically i’m still in awe of his talent

desert mouse 🥺

never stops being funny to me how the main character is just a horny teen boy having horny dreams about a random girl and being like I Had A Vision

no ‘where are my feelings? i feel nothing’ quote. disappointed

timmy looks so young. this was shot in 2019 or am i wrong? his face has rly matured as of recently. he’s still baby in the film (probs exacerbated by makeup to make him look the characters age but still i was a little shocked at how different he looks vs now)

ok my FAVOURITE part was how futuristic sci-fi blends into medieval aesthetics into arabic visuals SO WELL. again, mostly production and costume design but it’s a marvel how the story feels set both in the past and in the future like it’s all happening at once, as well as also drawing from european, middle-eastern and african cultures and their clashes while having them complement each other

also love the portrayal of imperfect leaders. these sort of stories and film adaptations tend to adopt a black and white moral compass, ‘us vs them’, ‘good vs evil’ mentally. the villains are very clear, don’t get me wrong, and the baron is absolutely freaky, but the characters are allowed to be proudful and make mistakes regardless of where they stand. leto’s moral purity and trustfulness get him killed. yueh in spite being the catalyst for everything that ensues, is doing so to save his wife and also tries to minimise the damage of his actions. paul wants to be a fearless leader but when his mum tells him to run he runs. etc etc

this is hard to explain but i felt like i’d seen the film already? in the sense that the adaptation is incredibly faithful while still subtly cleaning up around the edges some stuff that would not translate to screen. i think this is where both the mastery lies and also where previous adaptations have failed. a too literal interpretation would make for a chaotic film that would be hard to understand and take seriously. they were able to pluck out those unintelligible bits of the book and either cut or translate them into something more digestible, while still sticking to the source material to the T. creative liberties were taken only where necessary. denis clearly know this story and this world by heart and had a very clear vision both of what it was like and how to best represent it on screen

overall!! really liked it and it lived up to the expectation. after so long waiting for it, it could’ve easily felt like the beat took long to drop and it’s disappointing, but absolutely not. i’m not an expert on sci-fi or this sort of big budget ‘action’ movies (aka marvel) by any means so i can’t say how it compares to other franchises/series out there but i know i liked it and am already plotting to see it again soon :) also timmy is beautiful but we already knew that xoxo off to sleep

#dune 2020 #dune 2021 #dune #timothee chalamet #mytext

[livsmessydoodles]

I know a lot of people were upset with/had problems with JWCC s4, but don’t forget that season 4 & 5 were written together and the other half will answer our questions and (hopefully) have a satisfying conclusion! There’s a lot of people being unreasonably hostile to the creators/flaming the whole show because of >_> well… it’s just unfortunate that no one is willing to withhold their judgment! I have faith in the writers and am excited for more dinosaur trauma simulator cx

before anything, would you mind if i asked where you got the information that s4 and 5 were written together?? i haven't seen that info anywhere

also im gonna have to disagree... even if in season 5 they do give all this a satisfying ending and solve the issues s4 caused, people are allowed to be upset over what happened. whatever the show ends up going for later on, it doesn't erase the fact they romantically paired a 15 yr old and a 13 yr old with a previous sibling-like relationship. it doesn't erase how they erased both their personalities to make said romance work. and it especially doesn't erase how they took away importance from big plot points that deserved to get a satisfying resolution (cough cough, darius and kenji's fight, kenji's development on wanting to protect the camp fam, yaz's ptsd arc not having a proper ending in order for her to push for b/k, cough cough) just to focus on a rushed, forced romance thats shoved in our faces.

people are more than justified to be upset and the writers need to be held accountable for their mistakes, and just because we criticize the show and its choices, that doesnt mean we dont love the show!!! its actually the other way round, we criticize and bring up issues BECAUSE we love the show so much!!! ALTHOUGH, i will say, some people are being overly aggressive about all of this instead of just voicing their concerns in a polite, well-mannered way, which.... doesnt help our cause. like at all.

but as long as people are respectful and dont take extreme measures, voicing our concerns is VERY GOOD, cause if we just keep quiet about it, nothing will ever change in the future, you know?

#sorry this got a bit too long #but yeah here are my thoughts on the situation #camp cretaceous #jwcc #camp cretaceous spoilers #ask

[mogai-sunflowers]

Whats your thoughts on this? Please read till the end, i really want my point to be perfectly clear and concise so there's no mistaking it. Be aware that it is long.

Im considering making non-community flags for people like me who identify as something proudly but due to their experiences within that community or the actions of a significant amount of members or organizations meant to express that community, they do not identify with the community and dont actively seek it out. However this is not to say they will actively try to tear down the current community or actively attack any fellows who share that identity. Its not a " im not like other ___s" or " im better than those people", more of a " i am this but due to my community's actions, my personal experiences and the bigots within it, i do not associate with that community and actively avoid it."

My personal and traumatic experiences with the aro community as an aromantic person make me not want to seek out the aro community or its resources. Therefore, i consider myself a non-community aro as i do not agree with the common and passive bigotry and anti-alloaro/anti-arospec sediments. rathur than fight what feels like an uphill battle, i simply wont associate with it and be on my own. Basically like im done with discourse and i just dont want to be involved anymore as its pushed me to the point of repeatively abandoning my own aro identity just to escape the abuse.

Theres the automatic assumption that just because someone is a certain identity, they automatically want to support the communities actions, common sediments and actively seek out other people. This would dispell that by saying " i support my fellow people but the way this community currently is? I find it wrong so for now, i wont seek it out or support the community, i will however support the identity in the fullest.". This obviously would only exist for those who are within said community. Like you cant be an non-community lesbian if you arnt a lesbian by your own identity. Like an non-bi community gay person(who isnt bi-gay, just gay) is pretty suspicious consider they dont inherently(as in not all gay people were bi at some point, some were and if they are postbisexual then they can comment on intracommunity bi issues) have the experiences of being ostrisized by their own community as a bi person. Its more of a statement identity to say " hey, im taking a stance on intracommunity issues to a significant level enough to make me no longer want to partisipate in said community or identify as it and that is a problem.".

Im not saying thats every aro person's experience but it is mine and i shouldn't have to identify and partisipate in a community that alienates me. Same as i shouldnt be silenced for the pain the community has caused me. I get that the general approach to this is that you should just stay in the community and try to make it better and talk openly about how some sediments are harmful but im done trying and i shouldn't have to just "put up with it" because those people are aro too.

Non-community aro /=/ anti-aromantic aro or any sort of arophobic sediment, it just means im not a part of that because of the toxicity its caused me. It dosent mean judge or attack community-improving aros or those who have positive experiences, just like every other flag, its a form of self expression that dose not inherently harm others.

I guess im trying to ask if this is too harsh or if this is selfish or somethin. I really vibe with it and it feels like it allows me to not hate the fact im aro because i feel forced to heavily associate the toxicity of the aro community with my aro identity. I dont want to feel like im inherently bad because of the bigoted actions of my community and i can just be aro in peace without the aro community knocking down my door to call me a traitor or not a real aro because im in a romantic relationship. Of course this can also be applied to the shit storm i faced for 4 years as a lesbian which i only felt safe and free to express myself gender and pronounally after considering myself a non-community lesbian.

I get that this kind of damns the communties but it dosent hurt them. Its just saying ive been harmed by people within my community and therefore i dont identify with the community or its general actions. Dont consider me a communal type, im pro-aromantic just not pro-the current aro community. I get that it could get problematic but it has good intentions.

Am i crazy? Is there bigotry in my thought process that im just not seeing? Am i being too sensitive? Im reaching out for a hand here and i really just dont know how to express this feeling of how i felt so much happier once i stopped interacting with the aro community, i felt more secure and safe in my own aro identity than ever before and i really really dont want to go back.

( btw: im only asking because i heavily trust your opinions and im trying to figure out if im over-reacting or not. Please dont consider this an attack, i just know you'll kinda get what im saying as your arospec and sapphic too.)

hey! i’m so sorry it’s been a few days since you sent this, i’ve been meaning to answer sooner i just got caught up in sorting through all my other asks/requests.

but first of all: i totally understand where you’re coming from. if a community has hurt you, there’s no shame in not wanting to be part of it. that doesn’t mean you condemn others who enjoy the community, it doesn’t mean you think being part of the community makes you a bad person, it’s just a personal boundary! that’s my personal relationship with the sapphic community- i’m sapphic and very happy to be, but all i’ve ever experienced/witnesses in sapphic spaces is exclusionism, hatred, alienation, and bigotry. this does not mean those things define the sapphic community, but for me, they’re why i can’t really be part of it, not fully. but i’m still sapphic!

so i totally get where you’re coming from and you’re not crazy (don’t prefer using that word on anyone anyways), you’re not too sensitive, and your relationship with the community is valid! any other respectful arospec would respect their fellow aros’ different relationships with the community, too!

so, i think if you want to make flags for that, that would be cool and you should go for it! i’d love to be tagged if you do :)

#🌌written in the stars ; asks🌌

[zozophoenixxx]

Serotonin Booster :D 🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Race to the Edge ✨

SEASON 4

Tuffnut choked on a stun dart- I think I've seen it all regarding the twins HAHDHSHHA

Fishlegs really had Meatlug opening its mouth WIDE JUST TO SAY ABORT THE VERY LAST SECONDHAHSHGSGG

I love how Hiccup and Astrid can communicate without actually talking 🥺

I love how all dragons are a reflection of each of their owners like even tho Barf and Belch aren't the smartest they can be whenever they actually try

- Snotlout and Hookfang are both hotheaded and never really listen

- Fishlegs and Meatlug both are sweet, smart, resourceful and jealous sometimes hehe

- The twins and Barf and Belch are crazy and dumb but can be smart and strong whenever they need to be

- Astrid and Stormfly are both authoritative and badasses but also caring

- Hiccup and Toothless are both natural born leaders

Astrid built the ballista

Fun fact: Mala means bad in Spanish and it makes sense if you think about it cause Mala is BADASS HAHDHSHAHA😂 sorry I make bad jokes like that

Hiccup referring to Tuffnut as one of his best friends is adorable 🥺

"Flattery has no effect on me, mainly because I never hear any" dudeee ruff that's so saddd🥺😭

JAJDHHSJSJS TUFFNUT REALLY SAID "IT'S TIME FOR BALLISTA-NUT" AND JUMPED RIGHT OFF OF TOOTHLESS

And then him actually fighting Gruffnut is pretty badass I mean they threw actual punches and kicks and everything 😳

Why was Hiccup so cold towards Astrid? When she was just trying to help with his bounty problem

The way Toothless prevented Stoick from killing Savage 🥺🥺🥺

Now that I think abt it Hiccup got kidnapped so many times

Stoick punching Ryker and threatening him is one of the best things I've seen 🤩

Dude poor Snotlout was just insecure in ep4 And I love how Hiccup tried to help him and even then Snotlout still tried his best to show that he can be a leader

- i really loved how he learned that he couldn't just stop covering someone, I mean even when Astrid told him to "peel off and help Hiccup" he was like "no way I'm not leaving your wing" 🥺🥺🥺

Submaripper - tidal class, super powerful, prefer deeper open water and typically very reclusive. Extremely territorial and dangerous.

I LOVE HOW THE SUBMARIPPER SAVED HICCUP, and Toothless's face whenever he couldn't get Hiccup out and Barf and Belch breaking the pod to get him 🥺🥺🥺I can't

𝕃𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕝𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕕𝕖𝕡𝕣𝕒𝕧𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕤𝕪𝕞𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕞𝕤 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕨𝕚𝕟𝕤

- multifaceted disorder

Uncontrollable euphoria - Astrid

Lack of coordination - Heather

Mood swings - Snotlout

Complete catatonia

Cold ankles

Rash

Paranoia - Fishlegs

I CAN'T LOOKING AT THEM LIKE THIS IS JUST TOO FUNNY. NO ISTG EPISODE 7 IS GOLDDDD AND WHEN THE DRAGONS TOOK OVER 😂

Stoick is so fine 🤩

JAHDHAHSHA HICCUP REALLY OUT HERE FAT-SHAMING HIS DAD when poor Stoick is just trying to tell him that going after Viggo only for revenge is neither safe nor the right thing to do

- "What? What do you mean? You love revenge. Revenge is your thing. Weren't they gonna name you Stoick the Vindictive before... Well you know." *signals to Stoick*

Shadow wings - ep7 they follow, herd and shadow. Big one isn't as fast or maneuverable. Small ones are smart and quick. The big one looks like the submaripper.

AND THE WAY TOOTHLESS DEALT WITH THE LAST OF THEM. It was amazingggg he dived down towards a lil pond but he couldn't see cause of the dust and so HE USED THAT ONE SHOT THAT LETS HIM SEE TO KNOW WHEN TO GO BACK UP AND ALLOW THE BIG SHADOW WING TO CRASH AGAINST THE WATER.

The Flying Shatter-Scatter move with Shattermaster and Windshear was so cool and it's also basically the only thing that has pierced through dragon-proof ships

Bro I really wanted to see Astrid saving Toothless when she saw he was in danger in ep8

I DONT WANT HEATHER TO LEAVE UGHHHH 🥺

HEATHER AND FISHLEGS ARE SO GOALS I CANT 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭 I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH

Everyone's shocked faces whenever Hiccup and Fishlegs weren't thinking the same thing HAHDHSHABA

Toothless's facial expressions whenever he saw Astrid was in danger and the way he grabbed Snotlout and went down the volcano just to try and save her- I love their relationship 🥺

And how Hiccup was so worried when he saw Astrid in the lava and the way he grabbed her 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Dude I shipped Throk and Mala so harddd

And the red night terrors ufff we love them

Tuffnut just killed Macey

Ruffnut is so badass bro I love her she really had a sword to her neck and was like "take your best shot pal"

Project Shellfire: a weaponized dragon, Shellfire - tidal class, Titanwing, bigger than a submaripper, long range firing capabilities.

Hiccup just saved Astrid from falling to the water and the way he looked at her right after he put her down- he seemed so concerned I can't 🥺😭

BLINDSIDED ALSO LOVE THIS EPISODE 🤩🥺

First name Astrid calls out is Hiccup's 🥺

Her eyes omg

The way she started hyperventilating and the way he held her hand with both of his and the way he kneeled down next to her and made sure she knew that he was still there and the way Toothless's facial expression went 🥺😔 and the way he put his wing on her legs to try and cover her or protect her 🥺🥺🥺I can't

I mean Imagine how Astrid must've felt I just can't I'd be so stressed out and desperate and the next day she was just like I'm going to look for my dragon idc

No dude because the way Hiccup grabbed her by the waist to prevent her from falling off of Toothless and how both of their expressions softened whenever he told her not to apologize and whenever she hugged him 🥺

I love how the twins are trying to learn how Astrid feels but Ruffnut takes advantage of "blind" Tuffnut and has him run off of a cliff

AND HOW HE CAUGHT HER AND GOT SO NERVOUS WHEN THEY BOTH FELL DOWN 🥺 wait now that I'm watching it again he actually prevented her from getting hit in the head omg

"Of course she's not gonna hide. What was I thinking? She's Astrid."

MISTAKE whenever Astrid took the dragons out of their pens they weren't wearing their saddles and now that they've found them they have them on.

Them spending time with each other's dragons is so funny

Nonono I can't this is the beginning of it all! The beginning of Hiccstrid dating is HERE!!!! and that scene whenever he tells her that she's strong and they'll get through it and he holds her arm and then slowly moves down to her hand 🥺 I love them too much I can't- I want what they have. HE WAS GOING IN FOR THE KISS TOO I CANTTTTT OK THIS IS TOO MUCH

"There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. Always."

TOOTHLESS'S FACE 😳

I love how Meatlug got so serious after she heard Toothless's distress call

ASTRID IS SO BADASS I CAN'T SHE'S JUST SUCH A NATURAL AND AUTHORTITAVE I LOVE HER

THE HAND THING WITH ASTRID AND THE TRIPLE STRYKE 😩

Fishlegs riding Hookfang is HILARIOUS

That final scene is gold bro I just can they're too perfect I mean we get Toothless and Stormfly messing around in the background and then we get Hiccup scooting towards Astrid so that their shoulders were touching and also Hiccup asking Astrid if she's really ok and then him telling her that he never stops worrying about her and her saying that she feels the same way AND HER ASKING HIM ABOUT THE ALMOST-TO-BE-FIRST-KISS IN THE FOREST and him getting all nervous and being like "no it wasn't perfect" and telling her that he thinks abt kissing her a lot AND HER BEING LIKE "this seems pretty perfect to me" AND THEN BAMM THE KISS UGHHH IM NOT CRYING OK... yes I am😭

Hiccstrid kiss count: 2😘

I love how Astrid comforts Hiccup and puts her hand on his chest

Wait shit I completely forgot That Snotlout is actually the one that came up with ~Hiccstrid~ hehehehe -> also the first one to notice that they were acting kinda sus (nvm he thought one of them had a gambling problem)

Ruffnut's impression of Viggo is actually pretty accurate

Heather knowing about Hiccup and Astrid and just getting the gang away so that they can have a few seconds alone

OMG THE SUBMARIPPER I LOVE IT!! It is the natural and hated enemy of the Shellfire

The Triple Stryke let Dagur ride him

HICCUP CALLED DAGUR BROTHER I CANT

No and when they kissed IN FRONT OF THE GANG AND THEY WERE ALL LIKE 😳😦 AND "This. Changes. Everything." Iconic

I can't imagine watching this season by season and having to deal with that cliffhanger LIKE WHUT- the whole volcano just exploded and ur telling me that's IT!! Nope nope nope

#how to train your dragon #httyd #httyd rtte #race to the edge #RTTE #riders of berk #rob #defenders of berk #dob #astrid hofferson #hiccup haddock #dagur the deranged #Heather #ruff and tuff #ruffnut #tuffnut #fishlegs #snotlout #stoick the vast #hiccup x astrid #hiccstrid #toothless #toothcup

[angstysebfan]

The Truth Will Set You Free- Part 5

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader, Thor x Reader (other Avenger characters)

AU: Modern

Summary: You dated for two years, and thought he was the one for you. One day you came home and found him with someone else. After running away from you, you return home and found yourself in the arms of Thor. When Thor decides to introduce you to his friends at a dinner, you realize that there’s something familiar about the house you were visiting.

Warnings: implied cheating, language (not proofread)

--

You stare in disbelief at what Natasha just said to you. She looks at you, still nervous about your reaction. The fact that you have no reaction makes her gulp.

“Y/N, I know this is not what you expected, but it’s true. I am in love with you. I think I always have. You were my best friend, and somewhere along the line, I realized that I wanted to be more than your friend. But I swear I never meant to cause you pain or make you think that Bucky was cheating on you. It was a stupid mistake, and the blame lays all on me,” she said, tears starting to fall from her eyes.

You look at her and wonder if this is some kind of trick. “Tell me what happened that day. Then we will get back to... this,” you say looking at the floor.

Nat takes a deep breath and begins.

~Flashback~

Nat pulls up outside of your shared townhouse with Bucky. She sees that Bucky is working on his bike outside on the driveway. Natasha takes a deep breath and gets out of the car, heading toward the man.

“Hey Buck, is Y/N home?” she asks. Bucky is surprised to see Nat, but gives her a warm smile as he stands. 

“She had to work today, unfortunately. Ruined our plans for the weekend,” he says with a shrug. “She probably won’t be home until late.”

Tears spring to Nat’s eyes before she could stop them. Bucky is both shocked and slightly uncomfortable by the emotion of the woman in front of him. Natasha covers her face in her hands as she sobs. Bucky awkwardly walks up and hugs her.

“I’m sorry,” Nat says in between sobs.

Bucky says nothing as he lets Natasha cry. He is concerned, since Nat is usually stoic. She never liked to show emotion, except with Bruce, which is why they dated for so long. Maybe the break up was harder on her then she puts on.

“Do you want to come inside? I know I’m not Y/N, but I’m here if you need to talk,” Bucky says softly.

Nat says nothing, but nods her head. She follows Bucky into the house and the living room. Bucky looks at Nat concerned, and then realizes, he is shirtless. 

“Uh, give me a second, I’m going to put on a shirt,” he says.

Nat laughs, “Trust me, I’m not looking. It’s ok,” she says. 

Bucky laughs and decides that he will wait, since he is still feeling the heat from outside. His expression softens, “So what’s going on? Is this about the break up with Bruce?” he asks.

Nat sighs, contemplating whether she wants to tell him the secret she has been holding on to for so long. “It’s kinda about that, but it’s something more. I- I’ve been holding on to a secret from everyone, and I am terrified that when I say it, everyone will look at me differently,” she says.

Bucky furrows his brows, “You don’t have to be afraid to tell us. Especially Y/N, I mean she is your best friend,” he says.

Nat looks at Bucky, tears still in her eyes, “I’m in love with Y/N,” she says.

Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, “Wait, you’re in love with.... Y/N? You- you’re a lesbian?” he asks cautiously.

Nat nods her head and starts to sob again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you this. She is your girlfriend. You bought a ring to propose, and now I am telling you that I am in love with her. Not that it matters because she doesn’t feel the same way, but I have been holding on to this for so long, that saying it out loud for someone else to hear is... I can’t even explain it,” she says through her tears.

Bucky says nothing, as he is still in shock at what Natasha just said. Natasha continues to sob, and finally Bucky snaps out of his thoughts and pulls her into a hug again. This only makes Nat cry harder as she continues to apologize. Finally after what feels like forever, Nat stops crying and actually falls asleep. Bucky moves her to be more comfortable on the couch and covers her with a blanket before retreating to his room.

He can’t believe what he just heard. I mean he always had a feeling that Nat played for the other team, which he is totally fine with. What he isn’t necessarily ok with is that Nat is in love with his girl. He sat on his bed, his mind reeling with this news. He wondered how you would react. You were a sweet person, so he was sure you would still accept your best friend. He figured he would leave Nat to sleep on the couch where you would find her when you got home. He would stay out of the way in your room and wait until everything was said and done. Before he knew it, his eyes started feeling heavy. He climbed into his bed, and fell fast asleep.

Nat woke up awhile later and realized that she was alone in your home. She got up in search of you or Bucky and quietly went to your bedroom. When she opened the door she say Bucky sleeping in the bed. She knew she should have left, but the idea of sneaking into your room to smell your scent on the pillow drove her to her next move. Before she knew it was in the bed next to Bucky, who continued to sleep, and laying on your pillow. She breathed in your scent and imagined that this was her bed with you, and before she knew it she fell back to sleep.

~End of Flashback~

You look at Natasha in shock. You honestly didn’t know what to do with this information. “So, what happened after I left? Because you two seem to continue with your lives like nothing ever happened,” you accused.

Bucky walks over and squats down next to you. “That is not true, at least not for me. I begged you to stop and listen to me. I chased you outside, begging on my hands and knees for you to stop and you just left. I was broken beyond repair. I called you, texted you, emailed you for a week with no response. When you drove away that night I kicked Natasha out and told her I never wanted to speak to her again. I was sure that this was just a plot to break us up so she could have you.”

“After I found out you were truly gone, I shut down. I took time off work, I didn’t talk to anyone, I just stayed here in bed looking at the ring I was going to give you, but now lost the chance to. Steve and Sam begged me to tell them what happened, but I didn’t want to out Nat like that. Even though I hated her at that point, I wasn’t going to do that,” Bucky said.

You stare at him, “But you’re friends now? And why didn’t you tell everyone else what happened? Why was I left to be the bad guy here?” you snapped at Nat.

“Y/N, I was scared! I know I was selfish and I should have said something, but I was terrified that I was going to lose the rest of my friends like I had just lost you,” Nat said.

You roll your eyes, “Oh please! You lost me because it looked like you were sleeping with my boyfriend, not because you are a lesbian and supposedly in love with me!” you screamed. 

You turned your eyes to Bucky you gave you pleading eyes, “I-I don’t know what to think here. I mean, you both kept a secret for 3 years from the rest of the group. You made me out to be the bad guy,” you said.

“I told Steve,” Bucky said. You and Nat both look at him in surprised. “I told Steve everything except Nat’s secret, after Nat came to apologize. I needed to tell someone because I was going crazy. I felt like I couldn’t breath. I told Steve to not say anything, even to Peggy because I thought Nat was going to tell. After a while, when she still didn’t tell, I should have said something, but the group has stopped asking about it,” he said. 

You stand up and start to pace around the room. “I don’t know what to think anymore,” you say more to yourself. You look at Nat, “I would have never judged you for who you are and your friends won’t either. You need to tell them the truth,” you say, making Nat nod surprised. 

You then look at Bucky, “I-I don’t know what to do. I-I need time to think. How do I know if this is even true. You both kept this secret for 3 years. I need to think,” you say before quickly rushing out of the door and away from them. 

As you run up the street toward the subway to go back to your apartment, you allow all the information you just heard settle. You were more confused as ever an a part of you wished that Thor never brought you to meet his friends today.

~~

Part 4 / Part 6

Ok. I know some emotions are high with some of my dedicated readers, and I love when that happens. I understand what everyone is saying with the fact that Bucky kept that secret so he must not care. I don’t personally think it’s that cut and dry. But that’s just me. This story has gone from mini-series to full blows series. We are going to get to the bottom of this shit show! Feedback is appreciated!

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