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avatarofthebeholding · 4 years

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MAG 163 Liveblog Pt 2: Entity Stuff

- OOH IT’S THE SLAUGHTER BAGPIPES

- the transition from quiet talking to just GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMING AHHHHGHHH I AM THOROUGHLY JARRED

- “a trench that marks the front line of a war that has no name”

THAT LINE GAVE ME CHILLS

- The language in this episode reminds me so much of All Quiet on the Western Front (which I found terribly sad but beautifully written when I read it in high school) I’ll probably make a post about that later

- Gerry’s “there’s always a war somewhere” has new meaning now, huh? I wonder how many of the things he said about the fears will come back with more literal/dire meanings in this season...

- Is the Flesh also here? At the border-thing? Kind of the two entities most associated with blood...bleeding into each other?

- “blood and oil”

OK the implications of OIL being central to the post-apocalyptic REALM OF THE SLAUGHTER I’m literally SHAKING

- “shards of blood and gore”

Yep the Flesh is here!

- “The scorched earth”

AND THERE’S THE DESOLATION!!! Echoing back to Jude’s words...

- *SCREAM OF EPIPHANY* JUDE’S ABBATOIR METAPHORS!!!! WERE FORESHADOWING!!!!

- Sinking into the mud? Being trapped in the tank? The tank being described as an “iron coffin”??? TGGSGUKKB THE BURIED IS HERE OF COURSE THE BURIED IS HERE

- The idea that the drone is so COMPLETELY IMPASSIVE...Gerry’s words about the Slaughter are echoing back again (“You don’t know when, or if, it’s even coming.”)

- Did Charlie just die? So people can still die it just takes a lot more to kill them? Terminus still probably isn’t happy about that...

- THERE’S NO MENTION OF THE FEAR OF DEATH HERE AT ALL

- “He knew that part had been lies, but...so was the choice.”

THE WEB?! I didn’t even think about it before but of COURSE the Web would be associated with war!!! “The fear of being manipulated or puppeted, of your will not being your own” would definitely apply to soldiers being ordered to do things against their will, held at the whims of people far away from the front lines...people who are tugging at the strings. To make others carry out their will.

- “like rotten fruit”? “festering gauze”? CORRUPTION’S HERE TOO!!! Ofc; “Tale of a Field Hospital” was actually Corruption not slaughter so Corruption is a big part of war too...or rather, of the trenches/field hospitals of war

- Oh this is a war BETWEEN the powers in this domain too huh? A soldier trapped by the Buried who prays to the Slaughter for release, who is all the while fed upon by the Desolation... “amorphous blob of terror bleeding out in all directions” indeed...

- Ok the Desolation has to be happy with this world, even if its followers aren’t. I wonder where that leaves the cult of the Lightless Flame? Are we going to hear from them again? I want to hear from them again.

- Oh no there are Slaughter monsters now...the fear of “the enemy” has manifested a terrifying freaking MONSTER ARMY...

-The battle cries in the background...the soundscape...ohhh this episode is destroying me but it is SO GOOD

- “wrongness in his face” - a bit of the Stranger here?

- BIOWEAPON??? Describing it as “A NEW WEAPON” meaning it’s probably MANMADE????

*SLAMS HANDS DOWN ON TABLE* THE EXTINCTION IS HERE!!!

- Charlie??? CHARLIE??!!!

- CHARLIE IS BACK!!!! THEY. DON’T. DIE.

(The Flesh & The Stranger are both pink bc there are only so many colors lol)

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angelofbenignmalevolence · 4 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Gordon Tracy Additional Tags: Near Drowning, Angst, Near Death Experiences Summary:

There are those that say that drowning is peaceful…Gordon Tracy respectfully disagrees. Gordon Tracy knows that drowning can be the most painful experience without ever being dealt a physical injury…

Thanks to @misssquidtracy and @agentfreelancer1 for laying eyes on this and giving me the confidence to post it!

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The abrupt turnover from the weightlessness of dreams into the full force of consciousness is a rough transition at the best of times. It is made even more jarring when a person wakes in an unfamiliar setting. It is made almost unbearable upon the realization that every breath taken in burns to the core.

It took Gordon Tracy much longer than he would like to admit to himself to piece together his situation. His vision took a moment to clear. He pulled the blanket down from around his face, using it as a way to clear the sleep from his eyes. He looked around. The room was a sterile white with curtained partitions. There was no doubt in his mind that he was in a hospital.

He tried to sit up and immediately he was struck with the notion that it wasn’t necessarily his brightest idea. The muscles in his torso screamed protest in the form of a searing ache that spread through his chest. He gasped in a breath at the sudden pain, only for that to bring its own punishment. Fire burned through his body and he dropped leadenly back onto the pillows.

Is this the end? Gordon thought to himself. The last time he had known a sensation as bad as this had been in the hydrofoil crash. He had thought that he was dying then as well. He took small sips of air as his body began to calm, the pain subsiding into a duller, more manageable ache. It gave Gordon plenty of time to reflect back on the events that led up to this. Everything was fuzzy in his mind.

He remembered a sinking ship…in the Atlantic? The North Sea? He remembered that it was cold and…the storm. Yes…there had been a storm. A big one. With violent waves. Thunderbird 4 had had trouble stabilizing in the rough seas as Gordon had worked to rescue those in the water and Virgil had worked to rescue those still on board the sinking vessel. But no matter how hard Gordon tried he couldn’t remember anything else. Everything was a blur.

He heard the echo of heels on linoleum, and for a moment Gordon realized how preternaturally quiet this wing of the hospital was. In every hospital he had ever been in, there had been the hum of nurses and the whirring and beeping of machinery, but here, there was no hum of ambient noise, just the steady footfalls of someone approaching his room.

He tried once more to sit up at the approach, slower this time. He didn’t know why he was here, but a bright smile and a bit of playful flirting couldn’t hurt his chances of getting out of this bed early on good behavior. He forced himself to lean back naturally against the back of the hospital bed.

Sensible black kitten heels were the first thing Gordon saw peeking under the curtain. Gordon frowned slightly. Neither the shoes nor what he could see of the legs that were covered only in pantyhose suggested that he was about to receive a visit from a nurse. Those were the trademarks of a lawyer or a reporter…unless…could it be?

Had Lady Penelope come to visit him in the hospital? The thought simultaneously thrilled and horrified him. He loved the thought that she worried enough to come visit him, but a part of him cringed at the thought of her seeing him like this. He wondered if he could get away with pretending to be asleep.

The curtain began to slide open. Gordon caught the flash of a sleeve in a very pale purple color. Lilac his brain supplied, though he was more preoccupied with the fact that the sleeve, its color and texture and the shine of its buttons, was somehow both altogether foreign and yet intimately familiar to him. His mind hazily cast about for memories just out of reach even as the curtain continued to open.

Lilacs…little purple flowers…a suit in a matching color…brown hair…a halo of white…white and wood…a coffin?

Gordon’s stomach dropped. Any breath inside left him in a whoosh and, for a brief moment it was as if the whole world dropped away. His eyes locked with the eyes of the woman on the other side. The corners of her mouth turned upward into a pitying smile. Gordon’s mouth ran dry and his throat suddenly felt too closed up to function. There were several moments of stunned silence before Gordon was able to make his throat work.

“Mom?” The voice that escaped him was not the voice of the charming and daring International Rescue operative he had grown into, but the soft uncertain voice of a child.

“Hello, Gordon,” she said, moving to Gordon’s bedside. She sat down and Gordon exhaled shakily. He felt her weight on the bed, could feel the warmth rolling off of her even through the thick hospital blankets.

“Mom…I…I don’t…understand,” Gordon said. His heart ached and his mind whirred too quickly to get a sentence out in its entirety. She shook her head sadly.

“You’ve grown so much…” She reached forward to push a few stray locks of sandy hair from Gordon’s face. The brush of very real and very warm fingertips against his temples had a sob ripping from Gordon’s throat. Lucille drew Gordon into her arms and held him, just as she had done all those years ago when she had still been able to.

Gordon felt the rush of emotions pouring forth as he pulled his mother against him with an iron strength. Flashes of images played across his vision, blurred through tears that fell freely as he buried his face in her neck. Memories began to overwhelm his senses. Memories of peering into tidal pools at the beach, of learning to swim in the kiddy pools, of kisses on scraped knees and of falling asleep in his mother’s lap as she read to him before bed. Memories of the excitement before the fateful trip. Memories of a broken Virgil, his young mind falling easy prey to the survivor’s guilt that haunted him into his adulthood.

Memories of lowering his mother into the ground. Of the sky weeping as she was lowered into the grave. Of a family dynamic shifted by her premature departure from the earth.

Gordon wept as he once again was able to hold his mother in his arms. She made soft, soothing shushing noises, rocking him gently as she had done when he was young. He looked up at her, taking in every feature. She was just as he remembered her. The light dusting of freckles across her cheeks. Her warm eyes that used to dance as she laughed. There were so many things he wanted to ask her, so many words that raced to his lips.

“Am I dead?” It wasn’t the question he had expected to come out first. Lucille shook her head.

“You aren’t dead. Not yet, my little guppy,” she said, her hands continuing their soothing circuit from his hair to his shoulders and back.

“How are you here?” Gordon asked. Lucille considered her son for a moment. When she had last seen him, he had been a child. But Gordon was no longer a child. He had grown in strength. As much as she wanted to protect him from the painful knowledge he sought, she knew that it was no longer an option. Gordon was old enough to know the truth.

“You are in the in between,” she said. Gordon’s soft brown eyes looked back at her uncomprehendingly.

“The…in between?” he repeated. Lucille nodded and looked out to the hall, as if hearing something that Gordon couldn’t, “What happened, mom? Where are the others? Where’s Virgil?” Lucille’s eyes closed in pain.

“You nearly drowned,” she said. Gordon’s heart skipped several beats painfully.

“D…rowned?” Lucille took his hand and looked him in the eyes.

“When you and Virgil were in the North Sea…there was a wave…a violent one. It sent the ship listing. It nearly capsized. You were hit by falling debris and the ship sent you under as it thrashed in the surf…” she explained gently. Gordon’s second hand slowly let go of his mother as he brought it to his chest. The ache…the burn…it all made sense. There was a terrible, ugly familiarity to the experience. Gordon cast about for another question, anything to stay the onslaught of the memories from his hydrofoil incident.

“Were you there?” he asked. She shook her head.

“No, sweetheart. I wasn’t there.”

“Then how…”

“I heard Virgil telling the nurses what had happened,” she said, “He’s rather upset with them at the moment.” Gordon frowned.

“How come I can’t hear him?” If this was all happening around him, surely he would know. Lucille gave him the same pitying look she had given him before.

“You’re in the in between, guppy. You—“

“What does that mean?!” Gordon asked, a flash of his younger self rearing its head. She shook her head and pushed his hair back once more. She seemed to be working herself up to bearing some very unpleasant news.

“It means you are between life and death, my little guppy,” she said. “That you can see and hear me, means you are very close to death.” Gordon’s shoulders dropped, and he lowered his eyes as he processed the simple, yet completely devastating statement. So this was the end? He supposed he’d rather face it with his mother than on his own. Lucille leaned in to tilt his chin up again. “You aren’t dead yet, Gordon. You still have a choice.”

“I…do?” Lucille nodded to him.

“I don’t promise an easy or smooth recovery, but you can turn back now. You can still fight this, guppy,” she said. Gordon considered that a moment before locking his eyes with his mother again.

“But…what about you?” he asked, his voice small, “Will you be alone?” Lucille shook her head.

“Please don’t stay for me,” she said. “You deserve a long and happy life, Gordon. Don’t stay because you fear I will be alone. I will see you again one day.” Gordon’s eyes searched her face. If the pain in his chest was anything to go by, his recovery would be a long and terrible one. He didn’t relish the idea of another stint in the hospital. Yet at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to forget about everything he had left to live for. His brothers…Grandma…Dad…Brains…Kayo…he couldn’t just let them down like this. He swallowed as he made up his mind.

“I’m so sorry, mom,” he said, pulling her into his arms once more, holding her like it was the last time. “I…I have to go. I have to fight.” Lucille smiled sadly and pulled him tightly against her as well.

“It’s ok, Gordon,” she said. “It will all be ok.” She slowly broke their contact and started to get up. Gordon couldn’t keep the small noise of protest completely down. Lucille walked over to the curtain surrounding his bed. She took it in her hand and took one more long look at Gordon, blowing him a kiss.

“Get some rest, Guppy. Your brothers will be happy to see you when you wake up.” Gordon watched her until she had curled the curtains all the way around and he didn’t dare close his eyes until her footsteps had vanished and he knew he was well and truly alone. Gordon dropped leadenly back on the pillow, thinking to himself that it was always hard to fall asleep with tears in his eyes.

~@~

Scott started awake as he heard a change in the rhythm of the machines measuring his brother’s vitals. He quickly looked around at all the monitors that were currently hooked up to his brother. Everything seemed to be stable….even elevating. That, at least, was promising. They’d almost lost him twice in the time they had been here and Scott wasn’t sure his heart could take a third decline.

He sat back in his seat and stretched his stiff shoulders. There was a reason they all hated hospitals. He almost missed the slight movement of Gordon’s fingers. He might have, if he had stretched a moment longer. Instead, he leaned in, putting his hand on the bed near Gordon’s.

“That’s it, Squid….easy does it…” Scott murmured soothingly. Gordon’s fingers again stretched out for contact, and Scott obliged, touching just fingertips at first. While Gordon wasn’t able to form words in his state, Scott could see his brother relax at the contact. Scott swallowed and pulled Gordon’s hand into his own.

“I’ve got you, Gordon. I’ve got you.”

#bad things happen bingo #thunderbirds are go #gordon tracy #fanfiction #my fanfiction #one of mine

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thelightningawardsofficial · 4 years

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Review | Evanescence

Judged by Lyn (SoarLikeTheWind)

Category: I'm Not A Mary Sue

[ Author: Snowwhitewolf09 ]

Title (5/5): Titles comprised of a single, fanciful word like "Evanescence" are to be employed with caution--and you certainly do. It's meaning quickly becomes clear and of relevance to the themes of the story as the book progresses. I appreciate how you stick strongly to the word you have chosen to represent your novel. Additional props for the carefully chosen chapter titles.

Summary (10/10): I'll elaborate more on your tone and pacing later, but for now, I'm going to say simply that your summary does its job spectacularly at drawing the reader in. As soon as I read the first four lines, I knew I would like your summary because it follows an hourglass structure. The hourglass structure opens with something unspecific--"A mysterious grey-haired stranger who knows him."--and cuts to the core--"The Kurogane family." The hourglass then broadens once again at the end when you address, "But just like ash blown into the wind, what one believes can evanesce as soon as the truth comes to blow it away, and the remnants may not be as pleasant as one hopes it would be." What I think you can improve is to clarify a little more of the mystery. I do not mean that you should necessarily include spoilers, and rest assured that your summary does not read as confusing, but a better balance of mystery and exposition may be easier for a new reader to consume.

Plot (21/25) -> [16.8/20]: In all honesty, I really enjoy reading Evanescence. Although the initial similarity to Glass Coffin concerned me (which I noticed was mentioned by a commenter as well), it is so interesting to see how a very different character would fare in the same situation. The differences quickly multiply, especially the circumstances that put them in the hospital in the first place, and I found myself eager to follow Suabara around some more. I always enjoy a good character-driven story. Unfortunately, I am only able to access the plot of the contents published thus far, which have not developed the full range of tones to constitute a proper narrative arc. I will cover a little more of the plot in Originality.

Characterization (17/20) -> [12.75/15]: I appreciate how this story has a fully fleshed-out cast of original characters beside the canon characters. The diversity in age, from young, naive Shun to old, wise Shimozuru helps distinguish your original characters from each other conceptually. Age diversity is something that writers often forget, yet makes a huge difference in creating contrast and variation. You rely on actions for characterization, which is an indicator of sophisticated writing. However, the speaking patterns of your characters could use a little more differentiation through the consideration of ticks, vocabulary level, jargon, and the presence or lack of filler words. I believe you can still improve your cast by adding more dynamic characters, since it seems that everyone beside Suabara at the moment is a static characer. I do acknowledge that this interpretation may simply be because there are no significantly developed character arcs yet due to the current state of the work, like with Plot.

Grammar and Writing Style (14/15): Fast-faced sentences carry the plot forward and the occasional technical mistakes do not detract from my reading experience. I felt like there was too much past perfect tense in the beginning, but it was nice to see the flow of your writing improve subtly throughout the chapters as your distinct style begins to solidify. Although "telling" (versus "showing") may be acceptable in first person point of view (cited example: "I was confused and depressed beyond what I felt before"), be careful not to fall back on this tactic too often, as it can give the impression of lazy writing. Instead, you can try tackling these emotions by narrating Suabara's thoughts instead. Good job "showing" when its Suabara observing another person's behavior rather than describing himself which I also addressed in Characterization. Sometimes the way you describe character appearances can be a bit awkward (cited examples: my blonde hair would already have string-like strands peeking out like old couch springs; bearer of a pair of emerald irises) but they are not overwhelming so I overlooked them.

Originality (8/10) -> [4/5]: Although Evanescence follows the original timeline, detailed insight into canon such as Kageyama Tougo's fall incorporated expertly within the narrative through the clever use of Shimozuru Kakashi, Haruna's cameo through Kanata's perspective, and an allusion to how Kariya was orphaned in GO keep the story feeling fresh. The choice you made to gloss over certain plot points also helps disguise the repetitive nature of the sections that align too similarly to canon. Your original antagonists, the Hunters, sound interesting. I can see the unique plot budding, but the score would probably be higher if I saw more of it.

Feels Factor (15/15): You demonstrate great control over words by preserving reading engagement in even the simplest scenes. The imagery you create with language is just saturated with suspense. These smooth transitions allow for a dynamic composition that builds upon it's own voice to produce strong mood. It is ironic that I almost like the regular scenes more than climactic ones because they are so well done, and just as dramatic. But only almost. The execution of the crucial scenes must be commended for their effective immersion.

🅞🅒 🅡🅔🅥🅘🅔🅦 -> [➊➍.➍/➊➎]

Name (5/5): Kurogane Suabara is a unique name that allows readers to remember him easily and distinctly. Although I'm not aware of any common kanji combinations that form Suabara, the phonetics are probable in Japanese with rarer characters, which are not uncommon for names especially given his heritage.

Appearance (8/8): At a glance, Suabara's appearance is basic. However, you make it unique by relating to his personality. What comes to mind when I picture him is his nonconformist hair and dark, brooding eyes.

Personality (9/10): The fact that Suabara has an inner voice is quite interesting, and not cringy at all, compared to the abundance of less well-executed examples in the fanfiction community. There's a likeable quality about his voice and mannerism, which imparts a quirky genuinity. Suabara's personality is notably consistent for someone with holes in his memories. I think his character could be woven more intricately into the narrative if you emphasize the psychological effects of his traumatic circumstances more, like you do with his physical development.

Strengths and Weaknesses (11/12): Although Suabara's internal struggles are substantial, I believe his flaws and assets can be emphasized more. The reader's visualization of Suabara will be more vivid if a wider spectrum of depth is represented. Real people have material fears in addition to deep-rooted insecurities, and useless talents on top of core virtues. Since the bulk of this novel has been through Suabara's own perspective, perhaps consider how others in his life value him, and how these views are reflected in their actions toward him. His current strengths are introduced naturally with constancy, such as his attentiveness to body language due to his brother's condition. Your attention to detail in regards to Suabara and his perspective is the strongest point of this work. Refer to the end of Grammar and Writing Style.

Interaction with Canon (10/10): As of what is currently revealed, Suabara does not appear to interfere with canon establishments in any sort of disruptive manner. Evanescence is one of those stories that is heavily immersed in canonical world-building and mood. The themes of this book are slightly more mature, which is to be expected, but they do not contradict the canon discourse which contributes to a seamless reading experience--until the dark surprise you've planted in chapter twelve (but don't worry, it jarred me in a good way). I'm looking forward to discovering how his character arc will overlap with the canon plotline.

Relationships with Canon Characters (5/5): Suabara's most interesting relationship with a canon character is his relationship with Kira Hiroto, who you have taken creative liberties with but preserved his essence (in Ares, as far as my limited Ares knowledge goes). Despite little impactful interaction with the canon cast so far and the exception of Kira, I'm confident that you have prepared some tricks up your sleeves. Sorry that this review was so delayed, but I hope the thoroughness makes up for it!

[Raw]

90/100 + 48/50

[Scaled]

91.95/100

[Final]

91.95%

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#review #evancescence #i'm not a mary sue #original character #inazuma eleven #action #mystery #oc fic #kageyama reiji #raimon #kira hiroto #on going

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