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stopeatingwhales · 3 years

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the 1995 brits x damon albarn & liam gallagher

hhhiiii I'm here with a very cute little fic about the brits!! the idea of writing something with Damon and liam fighting over someone was requested quite a long time ago (sorry it’s taken so long omg) but I loved the idea!! I do hope you all enjoy it as I enjoyed writing it a lot hahah xx

Pairing: 90s damon albarn & 90s liam gallagher x reader

Warnings: nothing, just a little bit of bickering n dat

Word count: 3.057

Requested by anon x

༉‧₊˚✧

Being a part of the madness that adapted the name ‘Britpop’ was truly an experience. Paparazzi at every corner you turn, equipped with the brightest, flashiest cameras, also having the most annoying click noises to the point that after one image you’ve earned yourself a migraine that would last the entirety of the day; parties that would last entire nights, bearing millions of different kinds of drugs - some that hadn’t even been given a name yet, but you’d still give a try anyways, since you’re so high and drunk that you simply lose the intellectual capability to construct decisions, you say fuck it, and get so high to the point that you’ve blacked out in a booth in a bar, with the owner asking you to get out since you’ve been inside for one too many hours after closing time; as well as constant press coverage. With your name plastered over literally every newspaper and music magazine known to man, as well as having your entire life consistently dictated for the entire nation to read about every Sunday morning and indulge themselves into as a form of entertainment, it was what being famous delivered, right on your doorstep at 7 in the morning. Any earlier and you’d feel rude not to give them a cup of tea as a form of dignity and respect towards their sublime dedication to the job. Although it was fun being associated with it all, my band in particular gaining a different form of calidity due to it being a female fronted band, by the time that the entire nation was hooked on this ‘Blur vs. Oasis’ rivalry, it was as if every other britpop band had been washed away from existence, due to eight boys arguing as to whom had the better music. And the better looks, according to Liam Gallagher.

Tonight was the night of the Brit awards, perhaps the most prestigious awards ceremony for music. To be awarded a Brit was probably the largest achievement possible in British music in the form of an award, and it was definitely either going tonight to either Blur or Oasis. The chances that another band, say Pulp, were to get the award, would not only be extremely amusing to see the reactions of the two biggest names in the Britpop game, but would also cause the largest uproar in the nation. It’s either Blur or Oasis. “Their drama is so silly,” laughed Emily, the guitarist in our band whilst flicking through the latest edition of the Sun, the cover of the newspaper being, of course, Liam Gallagher. “They’re literally bickering about who looks the best. How do people find this interesting?”

“Because of how silly it is, people never leave their secondary-school-like selves. Just a bit of fun I guess.” I replied, fixing up my hair in the mirror in front of me. We were currently getting ready to go to the award show, and needing to look your best was an expectation. Though I wasn’t dressed in anything that would result in jaw’s dropping, it was important that I at least appeared somewhat admirable - the entire nation always had their eyes on us, but tonight they were going to see us all, live. Perhaps the reason why bands like Oasis and Blur are so obsessed over nowadays, since all they’ll do is turn up in some flimsy Adidas t-shirt and call that fashion. I suppose scruffy was the new elegant.

“Who do you think they’ll give the award to?” she questioned, still aimlessly flicking through the recycled pages of the magazine. “I think Oasis. Their music is so much better than Blurs.”

“Really? I’d say Blur. They won on top of the pops, so the likelihood of them winning the Brit award is highly likely,” I answered, shuffling away from the strong reflection of myself towards Emily, my eyes quickly scanning the page that she had her eye on currently. “Gosh Liam’s so full of himself.”

“He’s got his eye on you, you know,” She said, shoving the paragraph she had just read in my face of Liam boasting about his little crush he had supposedly gained from watching our latest performance on top of the pops. “Thinks you’re ‘well fit’.”

Scoffing in response, I mumbled back to Emily. “If he thinks that he’s sleeping with me, he’s very deluded.”

By the time we had arrived at the venue, you weren’t able to walk into the entrance without at least 50 cameras blinding your eyes and the shouts of so many begging for you to quickly turn your head and grin - the price for the photo would reach the many thousands. Once walking in, it was less crowded, only having select people by the ground floor, dedicated for musicians and bands, with the occasional interviewer walking past to every circled table, adorned with white cloth and champagne glasses, asking questions about how they’re feeling, who they think may win, and what they thought of the music throughout the past year. What was nice was that people didn’t have that much interaction with one another, just with their groups. It created a sense of formality in the space, which made me feel a bit at ease from the idea of some random row happening in the middle of the floor, most likely between Liam and Damon. The past year in music was truly something. Britpop was at its peak the entirety of the year, with songs like Parklife and Supersonic pouring out of every radio station in Britain that by the end of the year, you had ditched casual radio music and began blasting the classical station. It was a nightmare. Since the fall of grunge subsequent to Cobain’s death the previous year, the talk of any other genre in Britain apart from Britpop didn’t occur. It was as if we were living on this mystical island, miles away from any other music and culture, whilst adorning and obsessing over our own. What was nice about Britpop was that it was a pure celebration of English culture, whether it be a simple Sunday roast, or going to school, they all carried the same ambience of nostalgia and pride - also disregarding whichever band wrote what song.

“Free champagne… Yes please,” said Madeline, the secondary guitarist of the band, whilst heading to the first seat she could sit on, then quickly indulging herself with the first taste of the rich drink. “Oh my gosh it’s heavenly!”

Laughing at her reaction, the rest of the band took a seat around the table and took their first sips of the champagne, which we would all come to find to be indeed heavenly. Small talk was shared here and there with the rest of the group, but overall I stayed silent. In all honesty I found attending award shows was quite boring because if you didn’t end up getting an award, you would essentially be sitting there for two hours doing nothing. Even if you did win an award, it’s simply a minute of glory with the speakers blasting your music, and another minute of all eyes piercing into your soul as you make sentences about your gratitude towards those who had helped you along the way to earn such an achievement. I doubt anybody genuinely liked attending shows like these.

“The champagne is good, yet we don’t get enough for our table,” I complained, grasping my now empty champagne glass and waving it around in the air. “I’m gonna head to the bar to get a refill, anybody want anything?”

After receiving a handful of nos from the rest of the band, I took myself out of my seat and wandered over to the bar, which was empty, perhaps due to the venue not yet being completely filled with all the artists that were set to attend the night. “Just a refill of the champagne, please.” I asked politely, handing the bartender the used glass I had kept in my hand. Whilst waiting, I noticed that Damon was on the other side of the bar, who also didn’t notice me there, until he caught eyes with me.

A grin broke out on his face as I walked over to him. “You alright?” He asked me, quickly thanking the bartender for his drink and turning back to look at me. The height difference between us was evident, but it wasn’t the case of something so dramatic that he was the height of the empire state building and me, just a measly common tower in the city. He looked quite content, his hair scruffy yet neat, along with his outfit being just as I had assumed: a white shirt with jeans, a used pair of Adidas for shoes.

I smiled back at him and nodded. “Suppose you have high hopes for the award tonight.” I said, simultaneously receiving my refill of the beverage I had ordered, followed by my thanks. We stood adjacent, although there was enough distance between us to establish our relationship - mutual acquaintances whom had met every now and again, since they’ve both been dragged into this wormhole of madness. He was quite the opposite in comparison to his rivals, though he himself could be quite bothersome occasionally, he still had a grasp to what those may call sensibility.

“Oh well we’re better than them, aren’t we love?'' He chirped, his head now cocked to the side in a teasing manner. “I’ve heard that you’re rooting for us this year.” He added, a little smirk pasted on his face.

“Do you read every paper you see?” I questioned, my face turning away from him in slight embarrassment. Between us, there was no shared intention for a relationship to stem, though there was definitely a flirtatious tension that followed between us wherever we had met. Whether it be a random photoshoot for a magazine double-spread, or backstage at top of the pops, we always managed to share a chat with one another, and nothing else followed on from then. It was quite sad, because once you’ve established a connection between something you either both disagree or agree with in terms of societal views, something in the press, or life in general, you’re instantaneously cut off and asked to hop onto stage to record a meaningless three-minute performance with fake, plastic instruments which practically mean nothing.

“Well it was nice seeing someone else's face on the papers for once.” He replied, downing his drink, then ushering at the bartender for another. A thing that we both realised was that, between our conversations, we indirectly indicated that we were both there for each other, because we both had a complete understanding towards what may be happening to the other person. It was stressful being in the limelight constantly, and for someone who was the frontman of a band so large, with his face plastered on every magazine cover imaginable, things were bound to be stressful.

Sighing, I turned to face him again. Despite the fact that before I had the ability to respond, our conversation was cut short from a voice shouting my name from behind. “Well if it isn’t bloody Y/N.” the voice said, and from then I instantly knew it was Liam’s. Turning my face away from Damon’s, I locked eyes with Liam. As always, he was dressed in the usual: a parka, with casual jeans. Oh, and don’t forget the Adidas shoes. Even though he and Damon practically hated each other’s guts, they always seemed to have similar fashion senses, but I could never picture Damon in a parka. And I don’t think I even want to.

“How’ve you been love?” He asked, swinging his arm around my shoulder in a warm, but nonchalant manner. Me and Liam had a similar relationship to that of mine and Damons, simply just minusing the sentimentality of it. We were friends, and had come across each other at random parties, which opened the gateway for us to drink and get high together many a time. While he was quite the idiot, he was also a very fun guy to be around, but I knew Damon would never understand that. “And why’re you letting this twat chat to you?”

A laugh escaped Damon’s throat. “I think you’re the only twat here, Liam,” he began, a sigh leaving my mouth as I was trapped in a situation that I could only pray didn’t gain much traction from the rest of the attendees. “Me and Y/N are friends, don’t suppose we’re getting jealous are we?”

Liam’s grip on my shoulder tightened as I stared at his reaction to Damon. I felt quite small in this situation, due to me needing to tilt my head a good amount to properly look at Liam, and knowing if I left it would just erupt chaos and make it worse. “No need for me to be jealous when I know that she wouldn’t want to spend a minute with you in bed you bastard.”

“And you’re so sure about that are you?” Damon replied, amusement laced in his words. “Because you’ve totally spent a minute with her haven’t you?”

“Well I’ve got my arm around her haven’t I? And she’s not stopping me,” Liam argued back, a smirk entwined on his lips. Reaching for my hand, Liam grasped it lightly, then then brought it to his lips, kissing it, before holding it gently. Method of intimidation, perhaps, and though it was sweet, there was a time and place. And this was definitely neither the time, or place. “Who’s the jealous one now, eh?”

“The last I recall, she had hoped that we were winning this year, not you,” He boasted, moving the contents of his drink around whilst grasping it firmly. Whilst it would be something that would offend Liam, he was simply the type of person to not take criticism regardless of whomever it was coming from. I respected him for that. “So much so for a healthy relationship.” Damon mocked, staring into my eyes as a small laugh escaped my lips.

Granted that I had found the argument shared between the pair of them to be extremely silly, it was good entertainment as the time passed before the award show would begin. Watching them both, attempting to throw insults at one another, each one trying to cut a little deeper than the one previous, made me almost laugh at the both of them right there. “You know, it’s so silly that you both think you know me so well to think which one I’d pick from the both of you,” I said, detaching myself from Liam’s embrace and snatching my half-empty glass of champagne. “At this point, it’s neither of you.”

Walking back to my band’s designated table, I quietly took my seat as the show began. “Saw you chatting to Damon,” Emily whispered, raising her eyebrows. “Also saw you grinning like a madwoman.”

“Oh shut up you,” I replied, looking back at the bar to notice that both parties had left, assuming back to their places. “There’s nothing going on between me and Damon- Liam too in fact.”

~~~

As the ceremony went on, the boredom got to us. Even the amount of drinks I had didn’t entertain me, but what could we do, we were stuck in the middle of an award show celebrating music, even though I had largely doubted that the majority of those attending were enjoying themselves. I had no clue who the awards were going to be handed out to, and whether that somebody may be us in a category, but we all knew Blur were going to win something. Yes, Oasis had gained a lot of fame and had become one of the most famous bands in the music scene at the minute, but by the way things had gone for Blur after the release of Parklife, things only seemed to go further up from there. And that was only proven to be truthful, after Blur had left with four different awards.

After Blur had received their fourth award for best British group, we all knew that there was nothing left for Oasis. “They’ll get it all next year, they only debuted this year you know.” I said to the table, who were staring at the four smiley boys on stage as they trotted up to receive their award. I admired Damon as he said his speech, then also turning to look over at Liam, who looked quite evidently pissed off. He was practically drooling in anger from the sight brought to him at that particular moment, and I couldn’t blame him - their band hadn't gone home with one award that night, but neither had ours. “They’ve taken four awards home, isn’t that like, the most anybody has ever taken?”

“Indeed it is,” Madeline replied, taking a sip from her drink. “Must be a good year for them then, eh?”

As I watched the band leave the stage in absolute glee, I stared at Damon as he walked back to his designated seat for the short remainder of the evening. Despite the fact that my band had been sat in our seats the entire evening in complete boredom, just like Oasis and so many other acts that had been nominated for pointless awards, it would be a lie to say that I wasn’t proud of how far Blur as a whole had come and evolved through their music, and especially Damon. From beginning as young, bowl-cut boys only charting so far on top of the pops, to creating songs and melodies that could unite our entire nation, it was impressive.

Damon was the face of Britain at this very moment, and a very good looking one. Once I watched him sit down, he scanned the room for a while until he was able to find where I was sitting, which was parallel to his seat, merely a couple metres away. He connected eyes with me as soon as he found me, also accompanied with a small smirk painted on his expression as he raised his eyebrows and sent me a wink. I simply smiled back at him in response before turning away abruptly, disrupting the little moment we seemingly shared, and though I felt my heart flutter a little, he’s definitely not winning me that easily.

#britpop #fanfic #bandimagines #Liam Gallagher x reader #damon albarn x reader #damon albarn #blur #Liam Gallagher #oasis #blur band #oasis band #my writing #fluff #angst

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justwonder113 · 3 years

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Midnight adventures

Matsukawa Issei x f.reader

WARNING: Angst to fluff, Slowburn, friends to lovers, mutual pining, kinda long and decent amount of cursing cuz I have no shame. Both reader and Matsun are kind of dumb.

word count 6.5k

You loved him, you really did, even though he sometimes drove you out of your mind and made you want to bash his head against the wall. And he knew that. He knew what kind of effect he had on you and he was amused by it. He knew just to push the right buttons, he knew how to rile you up.

You were like an open book to him, so of course he knew you had a crush on him from the start, and you knew that he was aware of your feelings. At first, you were reluctant and refused to admit having the slightest feelings for him, but after some time you accepted the fact and realized that at some point you made your feelings seem obvious. Well, he was your first actual crush, and you were inexperienced.

Your friends would also tease you a lot and at some point, they locked you two together so you could finally confess. It was after their match against shiratorizawa in the third year. That was the day you had your first kiss with him, honestly, you didn't know what happened that night, one moment you were arguing with him because he wanted to leave the team, you were basically yelling how amazing player and teammate he was and the next second you were kissing each other. You expected that after he would confess to you, but he never did. He acted with you like the kiss never happened and that really broke you.

Maybe that is why after all these years you decided to move away, both literally and emotionally. You spent all your high school years waiting for him, waiting for him to make a move, but before you knew it you graduated. You finished school not even holding hands with another boy because you thought he felt the same, you thought that maybe you could be together? But now you realized that it was all load of bullshit. Why did you have to go so far for a person who didn't care about you that much? Why did you have to hold back when he never said no to all the attention he got from girls? You knew that they meant nothing to him and that he only saw them as one-time flings but it still really hurt you. Did you even mean something to him?

You felt mad at yourself, you wasted all these years swooning over someone who didn't return your feelings. But the thing that angered you the most was that you still weren't over him. Your heart would still flutter like crazy whenever you saw him and as much as you hated it he looked better and better every time. You also hated the fact that you couldn't blame him for all this pain, you couldn't tell that you were heartbroken because he didn't love you, that wasn't much of a reason. You were the silly one here. Why were you even surprised? He knew you for years as friends. He probably only saw you as a friend and considered the kiss as a mistake.

To be honest, he never did anything wrong, he always treated you warmly, and with respect, he liked to piss you off but he never really crossed the line, you couldn't blame him for not loving you. You guys kissed like one time, he probably regretted it and didn't want to hurt your feelings that's why he never brought it up after that. He gave you space. He didn't tell you in your face that he didn't return your feelings, he never broke your heart, you were just the silly one, clinging tightly to that miserable string of hope. You were the weak one for falling for him. It would have been better if he screwed up, if he told you that he could never look at you romantically, maybe it would make you feel a little better, your heart would break but you would get over it? But no destiny said that he had to be perfect.

When you moved away to University you promised yourself that you would start everything from the fresh page, you would work on yourself and no longer be that helpless girl who couldn't even get over her crush. You spent months working on your self-confidence and other issues, you spent countless time getting yourself into shape. Let's say you worked on yourself pretty hard. And it paid off, you had finished university and were about to start your dream job, you had gotten an offer many would dream of, you did everything you wanted, you even got in a few relationships, you should have been satisfied right? Then why didn't feel so? Why was there a feeling of emptiness inside your soul and why was no one able to fill it? It made you furious, after all these years, how could you not move on? Why did you Think about Matsukawa when you kissed other men? Why did you keep comparing everyone to him? What did he even do to deserve a permanent place in your heart? Your heart still kept beating like crazy and it's been what? years? you were in your twenties already, you needed to move on!

You were back in the city to celebrate your friends' victory over his rivals. Oikawa being the flashy person he is decided to throw the biggest party possible and now here you were. You knew you would meet him here, he was his friend as much as you after all, but you didn't expect it to hurt this much. As you said time really had done its job on him, he looked more mature now, he was slightly taller and definitely more muscular, he decided to grow his hair too, you always knew that he would look amazing with slightly longer hair, he had also gotten a few tattoos that were seen through his rolled-up black shirt. Man, did it suit him, the shirt was a bit tight fit and it really complimented his muscular form. The tattoos looked amazing on him and were these rings he was wearing? And piercings! And he had his nails painted black, Really life? He looked like your dream man, thank you very much for nothing!

You knew you would run into him today and you tried to look your best, you knew it was silly but you felt like showing off, but after seeing him you felt kind of self-conscious. You wondered if your dress was a good choice, you chose it as it hugged your curves perfectly and really complimented them but now you were wondering if it was too much. Was your hair alright? You hoped it didn't get frizzy. Oh god, why was everyone staring at you? Your lipstick didn't smudge, right? Even though you were having a war inside your head it simply washed away in an instant as you saw the face of your best friend who was grinning like crazy. You quickly headed to her and engulfed them in a tight hug. God, you missed themso much! You felt lucky just by having them in your life, and they really helped you get through with your issues,they were with you every step of the way and you couldn't be more thankful. If it wasn't for them and your friends you doubted you would be standing here right now. Even though you still felt self-conscious sometimes like now overall you were a pretty confident person who radiated power. Even when you felt weak you managed to look powerful. Maybe this was your resting bitch face? You didn't know. You felt thankful that he didn't notice you he was too busy talking with some woman, typical.

"I missed you so much! Can't believe I'm seeing you after all this time. I really missed you all. And meeting on an occasion like this we just have to celebrate our reunion, I knew Oikawa would beat their asses someday," you grinned proudly. "Okay, I'm getting carried away, I really missed you tho. We have to catch on, let's ditch your them later and have some fun!" You ranted as you occasionally squeezed your best friend who kept chuckling.

"Now now Y/N-chan, you just came back don't go stealing my friends from me!" Oikawa came out of nowhere and snatched your best friend away from you, you pouted but chuckled in the end.

"Can't make promises Flattykawa. And in my defense, I knew them longer." You teased and made a face at him, Oikawa fake gasped and clutched his heart a smile never leaving his face. You missed this idiot and his dramatic shenanigans so bad.

"Again with a nickname! Y/F/N-chan she's being mean!" Your friend only chuckled at Oikawa's childlike behavior and patted his hand.

"She has a point tho." Your friend teased along.

"Betrayed by you too! What else should I expect today?" He whined, you only chuckled and opened your arms.

"I really missed you, you dork! I'm really proud of you," you said sweetly, Oikawa immediately hugged you, you smiled at the familiar warmth, Oikawa has been like an annoying brother to you, you weren't used to not hearing his constant whining and antics even after all these years living apart from them.

"I really missed you too! Nothing's the same without you!" You smiled at Oikawa's warm comment. You were glad they missed you the same way you missed them. You really tried to visit as frequently as you could but it was hard when all of you were covered in work. Out of all third years, Hanamaki and Matsukawa stayed in Japan, you and others left the country for Universities. You felt really emotional, it had been such a long time without them...

"Look at her, hugging Oikawa and Y/f/n-chan first, don't mind me I'm just gonna stand here until you decide to acknowledge me. I thought we had something special Y/n, you're breaking my heart here." You heard a deep voice behind you, you smiled and turned back smirking.

"I would say she has her priorities set right? I mean it's me you are talking about,"Oikawa boasted, Your friend giggled.

"Missed you too Hiro," you grinned as you playfully hit his shoulder then hugged him. It was good to be home.

"Where's my grizzly bear?" You asked as you searched the crowd for the angry spiky head.

"He's at the bar probably, Oikawa managed to talk his ears out already, he left a minute ago saying "I'm not drunk enough for this shit!" I'm sure he will be happy to see you." Makki smiled and wrapped his hand around your shoulder you smiled and leaned in on his touch. You had missed this so much!

You spent most of the evening chatting with people and having a nice time. Oikawa for sure knew how to throw a party, you even danced with some charming men. You felt uneasy tho, you and Matsukawa made eye contact a few times but none of you even moved to say something, you just smiled at each other awkwardly. Over the night you noticed how many girls approached him, well it wasn't surprising, he was a good looking young man, but you couldn't help but feel a tinge of annoyance on the inside. In the end, you tried your best to be your charming self. You talked to many different men and even danced with more of them, moving your hips passionately along the music. But you felt bored in the end. None of them were interesting, they didn't have a fire you wanted. How long were you going to be like this? Wasn't there someone who could I don't know sweep you off your feet?

Suddenly you felt overwhelmed, the alcohol was starting to kick in and you swayed your hips with a bit more passion, your best friend was next to you, Oikawa had left you two alone to have your time.

"You haven't talked to him right?" As always, Your friend guessed what was bothering you in a second.

"No, and I'm not planning on doing so. If he didn't think I were at least a little bit important than the girls he was talking to then I'm not going to interfere. I have self-respect. He didn't even bother to say hi." You rolled your eyes and chugged another shot, the alcohol mildly burned your throat but you were used to the feeling. You just felt like dancing and maybe even washing your worries away. You wanted to have fun, and you had a reason too, your friend won a gold medal and defeated his rivals! You decided to go and do another shot, getting near the bar, you noticed a familiar spiky head, you smiled and got closer finally sitting next to the buff man.

"Is this seat taken handsome?" You asked seductively, Iwaizumi's shoulders tensed for a second but he relaxed as soon as he saw your grinning face.

"Y/N!" He greeted you with a smile and got up, you were quick to wrap your hand around him.

"Good to see you, daddy." You grinned teasingly, Iwaizumi flushed immediately. You had a habit of teasing him, you often called him daddy because of his aggressive yes, but caring demeanor, and you really enjoyed it when he got flustered. Truth be told you were probably the only person who got away with teasing him without getting punched or kicked.

"God, when will you stop with the dumb nickname? People are going to get a very wrong idea, it's embarrassing," he grumbled and pointed to the bartender by his eyes, who was looking at you from time to time sneakily, he heard you and was shocked, you smirked and gave him a wink, making the boy blush harder. You smiled, as you eyed the boy he was definitely cute.

"I will stop when you won't have an adorable reaction like this," you teased, Iwaizumi only scoffed, but he didn't look mad.

"It's awfully early for you to start drinking, did Oikawa really talk your ears out?" You chuckled, Iwaizumi scoffed again but he looked amused.

"Unfortunately for me yes, I swear to God he never stops talking." You chuckled, it was such an Oikawa thing to do.

"Yeah, I'm glad Oikawa won, I'm sorry for your team but he did work really hard for it and really deserved it." You smiled fondly after noticing Oikawa dancing with your best friend over some cheezy song which probably he had chosen.

"Yeah, I'm glad too. You should have seen him tho, the all smug Oikawa crying nonstop like a baby after he realized he had won, well of course after they left the court, he was like Iwa-chan I did it!" Iwaizumi mimicked Oikawa's crying voice, you giggled. It sounded like Oikawa, "Don't laugh, who do you think had to stop him from crying? "Iwaizumi shuddered as you had a hard time holding your laughter. You had such a good time, you didn't even notice a pair of dark brown eyes observing your giggling form.

"Now all I can see is Oikawa clinging to you like a koala and crying his eyes out." Iwaizumi only looked at you with an unamused face, making you raise your hands in defeat, the deadly aura didn't go unnoticed by you. Iwaizumi rarely lost his cool around you, but it didn't mean you were immune to his rage. "I'm only kidding, Iwa baby, please don't get mad at me." You lightly pouted as you made puppy dog eyes at him, he only sighed and took another sip from his drink, you smiled and ordered a drink, you visibly relaxed, you didn't feel on edge anymore.

You talked for a while, but unfortunately for you, Iwaizumi had to leave, apparently drunk Oikawa was somewhere causing some trouble. You found it suspicious that was too much even for Oikawa but you didn't question it. Iwaiizumi only grumbled in annoyance and left, being used to all this stuff. You, on the other hand, Made small talk with the cute bartender, he was really good looking and surprisingly very charming and smooth. You were quite drunk already and you were feeling needy, so now here you were making out with him in some empty hallway. He was a good kisser, but you still didn't feel any spark. You wanted to feel the same tingling sensation as the one you felt when you had your first kiss with Issei. The situation was not at all romantic as you said, Oikawa and others locked you in the lockers, to make up after you had a little fight. You bickered at each other for a while, well it was you who was really arguing, you were really mad at him because he was bringing himself down and planned on leaving the team, and you were trying to get to his scull how amazing he actually was and soon your lips were against each other and it felt like the most magical feeling in the whole world. You had never felt anything like that when you kissed others and today was no exception, unfortunately for you. You tried to take the lead in the kiss maybe to make it feel more enjoyable for you but before you could even try, a hand made the man separate from you. You opened your eyes to see Issei, who didn't have a very pleased expression.

"I have business with Y/N, so I don't know, get lost?" Issei said without any emotion. You looked at him dumbfounded. He didn't even bother saying hi earlier, what business would he have with you? The boy, Souma was it? Looked at you two before speaking.

"Dude what the hell we were busy!" He groaned as he glared at Issei, who didn't seem really fazed.

"Do I really look like I care?" Matsukawa asked plainly, You took the chance to straighten up.

"Listen here you little..." Souma stopped before he would go on, as he felt chills run down his spine under Matsukawa's cold glare. You sighed and straightened up.

"I guess it's pretty important, I will contact you later ok?" You asked sweetly, but you both knew you weren't going to contact him. You didn't even have his number and you hadn't given him yours. Souma grumbled and left leaving you with Issei.

As soon as he left you were quick to smack Issei's arm. "Dude, what the fuck?" He only looked at you, grabbed your arm, and led you through the hallway. "What's with the cockblocking? He didn't seem too bad."

"I didn't like him." He said like it was the most obvious thing. It made you feel mad.

"Oh sorry, next time I will choose someone you might like, for future references what type of boys are you into?" You snarled lightly. You wanted to break free from his grasp but it was too strong. Soon your back made contact with the cold wall, and you were caged between Issei's strong arms. You tried to protest but before you could even say a word his lips were on you. You didn't know how to act, your whole body went stiff but after a second you felt your body relaxing.

"God, you're beautiful." He said as he kissed you again, his big hands snaking around your waist. You were speechless, you didn't really realize what was going on. But your body felt like it was on fire. His lips kept brushing against yours just perfectly, your skin was burning hot under his touch. Your heart was beating like crazy, you only managed to whimper against him and he took this as a chance to deepen the kiss. You tried to keep up but it was physically impossible. His kiss was deep and passionate, kind of possessive too. You could feel all his lust through it. You moaned lightly, unable to control yourself. You put your hands on his chest, you could even feel his strong yet fast heartbeat, you pushed lightly, Issei took the hint and leaned back. He stared at you, admiring your beautiful form, you looked so pretty all flustered and breathless, he had wanted to do this for such a long time, for the whole night you had basically been teasing him and his patience was running thin.

"What came over you. I..." You didn't know what to say, you were so confused.

"Do you remember our random sneak outs in highschool?" How could you forget, you just lived for the tiny adventures you, Makki and he used to have at three am. Sometimes when Hiro didn't feel like coming, you would go with him instead. Eating ice cream or random junk food at three am on your special spot, you lived for it. Sometimes you didn't even talk for a whole night but still felt so comfortable. Your chest tightened again at the memory. But why bring it up now? This didn't explain all the raging questions you had.

You nodded your head quietly, looking at him through glossy eyes. "I do. Why?" Your voice was so weak it made you cringe. You didn't know, what was this about? Why bring it up now.

"Would you go on an adventure with me? I know it's Oikawa's special day, but Y/N I... We both know that we need to talk." You looked up at him with wide eyes, you had never seen him like this, he looked so serious and desperate too? Despite feeling all furious and all you nodded and let him lead you through the crowd and to his car.

"I will text him, he might get worried. But what should I say? Where are we even going? We're in Tokyo, don't tell me we're going to Miyagi!" You asked as you sat down in his car, you were confused, all this stuff was confusing you.

"No, I don't plan to take you to Miyagi, I was thinking of ordering a shit ton of junk food via drive-in and then taking you to the place I found earlier. Don't worry I'm sure you will like it." Issei assured you as he got in his car, started the engine, and started driving.

"Are you really trying to get on my good side via food? I'm really mad it's not going to be that easy." You furrowed your eyebrows, Issei huffed a laugh.

"Maybe I am? We both know that you will sell your soul to satan for a bag of doritos! If I keep your mouth busy while I tell you something at least I won't have to worry about you biting my head off," Issei pointed out like it was the most obvious argument while smirking proudly, you scoffed.

"I will hit you so hard after you stop the car, I'm not doing it now because I value my life. And besides, it's not about whether or not I will like the place. It can be next to a strip bar or some abandoned place, what's important is that you will say and you know that." You said as a matter of fact and turned away from him, looking through the window.

"I know." He sighed after a second, the atmosphere was heavy, opposite of what you were used to. You started liking Mattsun because things were easy with him and that it was full adventures, but now... You had to calculate everything you said, how you moved, how you looked at him, and stuff. When did it become so painful to be in the same space as him? And the stuff he wanted to tell you terrified you. What if he admitted that he never saw you seriously? That he only felt desire for you at some doing and nothing else. You didn't even know what made him act up today, did he have at least the slightest feelings for you or did he just found desirable in that tight dress? Maybe he just didn't like the face another man tried to take you away. Either way, anxiety was eating you from the inside. Your heart kept beating rapidly and your fingers actually hurt from playing too hard with them.

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't even notice how he ordered and got the food. You only came back to reality only when he opened your door gently took your hand in his big one. "We're here." He helped you get out of it. The cold air immediately hit you, making you shiver slightly. "Here take this." He said as he put his jacket on your shoulders, it was so big you were basically swimming in it but on the contrary, it was really warm and soft and it smelled like him! Just perfect, you immediately snuggled in. Mattsun then took the food package from the backseat. He quickly locked the car and led you through again. You were now in front of a big clearly abandoned building, you hesitated for a second and tightened your grip around his hand, Issei looked at you, carefully examining your face."Are you feeling scared? I promise it's a safe place, I have been here. You still like exploring weird buildings like this right?" He teased lightly, squeezing back your hand. You only pouted.

"I do like exploring buildings like this, but when I said abandoned building I was joking you know that right? I like these kinds of places but not in dresses like this and especially not in high heels. I like being prepared to run from my life if there's a huge creep or some sort of monster, I don't know! And I haven't done something like that for such a long time, and we're not in Miyagi too, everything's new here!" You said as a matter of fact while playing with your hair, Issei only chuckled. You felt nervous. Before you could even comprehend what was happening Issei had already picked you over his shoulder. You felt like a sack of potatoes.

"Oh my god, Matsun what are you doing? Put me down!" You tried squirming away at the same time you clutched his shirt too afraid to fall. He started laughing, you felt vibrations through his back, you couldn't help but smile, you liked when he laughed.

"No way, I like carrying you and I have the best view too so no way princess."You could tell he was grinning while looking at your ass and it made you mumble in annoyance. You gasped when he spanked your bottom lightly, you smacked his back in response. "Do you like the view?"

"Shut up!" You whined, which made him chuckle harder. "Put me down, my dress is short!" You started wiggling again, but he had a death grip on you. You could feel the blood rushing to your face and at this point, you were not sure if it was from embarrassment, just having your head low and blood rushing to your head or just anger.

After a minute of him walking and you admiring his ass, he finally put you down. You looked around, the building was empty, there was no furniture and some of the walls were covered in graffiti. Other than that you enjoyed the place, it had a certain vibe to it. You wandered for a second, exploring the room. When you turned around you didn't see him, you walked around and eventually came out on the huge veranda. The sight made you gasp, Issei had laid the blankets on the floor and taken out the food, it looked so cozy! There were some pillows too. It was just like a little picnic, the dim streetlights also shone nicely with some fairy lights there and there and the sight in front of you of the night city was magnificent. Everything looked so simple yet so perfect.

"Okay, stop or I might have to actually marry you." You pointed at everything dramatically, you couldn't contain your smile. Everything looked like the pics you have seen on social media or in the movies. Issei smiled at you softly, you looked so cute all excited like that. His jacket really suited you too, you looked so perfect.

"I knew you would like this. I'm glad you actually agreed to come." He smiled and patted space next to him, you sighed and sat carefully, holding down your dress, it was short at it was you didn't want it to slide up too much.

"You knew I wouldn't refuse such tempting request, didn't you? I always liked our little adventures," you smiled fondly, recalling sweet high school memories.

You spent few minutes in silence watching the city, eating there and there, but it wasn't uncomfortable like before, your anxiety had calmed down a little too. You just sat there and enjoyed the moment. You didn't even notice when he took your hand but you didn't bother to take it back. You wished you could stay like this forever but you also knew it was wrong. You had to ask the question, even if hearing it could destroy you. You both knew that.

"Matsu, why did you kiss me earlier? I'm trying to understand what's going on between us but now I'm especially confused. Why did you do it? I thought you didn't like me," You were talking quietly, but in reality, it was really hard for you to contain your sea of emotions. Issei tightened his grip on your delicate fingers, neither of you bothered to look at each other in the eyes. He took a deep breath and started talking quietly.

"I don't know myself. I thought I had let go of you, I thought I was over you, but when I saw you again all feelings came crashing down on me again. You looked so breathtaking, I fell in love with you all over again. So pretty and all dolled up and this dress. God this dress, hugs you so perfectly on all the places I want to touch, I actually feel jealous of it. I want to rip it off and have you all to myself and never let go. I don't want to let go now that I tasted your lips again." He spoke lowly, his voice was raspy and it sent chills down your spine. " You are the most beautiful person here you know that right? You are probably the most beautiful person in the whole city, I think even in whole Japan or better the world!" Matsun kept going on and on setting your heart ablaze. You were mad, but at the same time, you were so at ease and felt so at comfort. It was like your mind and heart were battling each other and you had no idea which would win.

"I'm still really mad at you." You grumbled against his chest, Issei hummed and wrapped his hands tighter around your waist.

"I know and you have every right to." Issei hummed and pecked your hair, he then grabbed your chin lightly and made you look at him. "I'm really sorry Y/N, all I have been doing is to cause you pain. It was never my intention. I love you, god, I love you so much! I know you will be better without me. You can find so many who are way better than I am and would treat you like you really deserve. And I thought I came around with the fact that I wouldn't be the one to have you in the end. I always knew that. That's why I never made any kind of move on you. When you entered the party you looked like a different person. You were the most beautiful person I have ever met, you looked so confident and comfortable in your own skin and most of all you looked so happy! I didn't want to come to you and ruin it. I felt so proud too, you achieved so many things! God, you don't know how proud I am to even know you!" Matsun kept going on and on, you haven't even heard him talk this much in a row, he was always a man of few words. He looked so desperate too, and the way his voice broke, killed you too. You had known him for years but you still never had seen him like this. Honestly, You had no idea what to do. You wanted to yell at him and comfort him at the same time. You tightened your grip around his hand, your knuckles were starting to whiten but you didn't care. You wanted for him to know you were listening, that you were there.

"Matsun, I..." You tried to start but he interrupted you.

"Please let me finish." The tone of his broken voice immediately made you shut up. "I know it was my own choice to let you go, and I really thought I was fine with that but when I saw you... When I saw you something like snapped in me. I tried to take my mind away, I kept talking to this women to keep my mind off of you, but how can I pay any attention to these peasants when a literal goddess has taken over my heart? And when I saw you kissing that asshole I almost went feral! I would have murdered him if I had a chance. He was touching the one I basically find sacred so disrespectfully, I almost lost my mind. Then I got you to myself I couldn't help but kiss you. Your lips always look so welcoming I couldn't help myself. And I want to do it again and again. I don't ever want to let go. I miss you like crazy! I don't know if I can be apart from you again. I... God, I sound so pathetic, I don't even understand what's happening with me. I covered this place with blankets and stuff you love because I hoped you would come to another adventure with me. Funny thing is that I wasn't even planning on asking, I don't know how we ended up here. I thought I would end up coming here all alone, wallowing myself in self-pity again. I know I don't deserve it, and I know that everything's my fault and my fault only and I would understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me, but could you give me another chance? I don't think I can last any more minute without you. I miss you so much it actually hurts."

Matsukawa looked at you with pleading eyes, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, you were getting in his lap and were kissing him like there was no tomorrow. He was startled for a second, he clearly didn't expect you to have a reaction like this but he wasn't against it at all. In fact, in a second, he was the one taking the lead and deepening the kiss. His hands digging in your hair while you slid yours through his hair. He would have continued doing so before you leaned back and broke the kiss. He looked at you half dazed. You were quick to bring him back to his senses when you harshly smacked his head.

"That hurts!" He complained, which made you more fueled up and now you punched his shoulder.

"That's the point of hitting! I want it to hurt you asshole!" You yelled. "You know you're a huge fucking idiot right? What's with this bullshit about not being worthy to be next to me? If I didn't think your ass was worthy I wouldn't have fallen in love with you! My taste in men may not be that great but I'm not stupid! I appreciate that you're thinking about my happiness or whatever, even though it's totally uncalled for, and thank me for not beating your ass further! But I get to decide what's good for me and what's not. To your surprise genius, that comes to dating too! I get to decide whom I want to date and fall in love with and in this case, it happens to be you, fuck it always has been you! I had some partners but I didn't love any of them, cause your caterpillar brow ass has managed and captured my heart, I always come to compare them to you, and guess what they're not you! God, you can be so stupid for someone who is supposed to be smart! I'm really disappointed Matsun and mad too! I want to beat your ass even further! God, how did you even manage to come up with this bullshit? I swear to god!" You kept grumbling while messing with Issei who looked like he was still in shock, his cheeks were dusted pink and you couldn't help but squeal on the inside from how cute you found it. You made Issei blush! That was an achievement for sure and such an adorable one too! But you couldn't back down now, you felt actually mad that he had such dumb thoughts like this, but on the other hand, you found it very endearing and cute. He was trying to protect you! And by the looks of it, he was hurting just as much as you. But the fact remained the same, he loved you. Your dream came true, he shared the same feelings! You felt so happy, you wanted to kiss his face till your lips fell off.

"You know you don't have to straight ass roast me right?" Issei tried to look offended but he was having a hard time hiding his grin, you smiled and pinched his cheek making him roll his eyes.

"Oh baby, I'm not even started. What did you think I was going to forget everything? And don't be mislead Makki can't even come close to me when it comes to teasing. You're in for a ride sweetheart, teasing is only just begging, maybe if you find a few ways to shut me up, and you know what I mean, I could keep quiet for a while, you could atone for your stupid ass mistakes with many kisses for starters. I don't know Matsu get creative. The point is you're stuck with me and you can't even run from me now you got it? No more bullshit like I don't deserve you and stuff like that," You said as slowly and as seductively as you could having your face close to his and occasionally brushing your lips against his. Still being in his lap gave you the perfect leverage and you just loved the way he was tightly holding your hips, to keep your bodies close. You felt complete after such a long time...

The hurt and all the emotions didn't wash away immediately obviously, you knew that your wounds would take time to heal, but now at least you knew Issei would be next to you through the journey and that was enough. You knew that now, that you had talked things through, maybe yelled from your side but still, you knew that you could overcome many things together. You just needed to voice your thoughts out.

"Wasn't even planning on it baby," he growled while he closed the distance between your lips again making you squeal a little. Yup, you just loved your little midnight adventures.

God, I can't believe I actually wrote over 6500+words. No wonder my eyes hurt like a bitch lol. Anyway, I really hope you will like it. If you have any kind of feedback please notify me. I'll gladly take some healthy criticism. I really want to improve my writing and I promise I will do my best. This is a firts work I have ever published on tumblr and I really hope you will like it^^

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst to fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #matsukawa #matsukawa x you #hq matsukawa #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa issei #badass reader #hq x reader #hq #reader insert #angst to fluff #mutual pining #friends to lovers

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evakuality · 3 years

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Matteo - Episode three

Social Media - There’s so much of it this week! At the time, I only followed a couple of accounts and then only saw the rest when it was posted to the tag. I think I’m grateful for that. This is absolutely overwhelming, the sheer volume of things the characters were putting out. But it’s also really nice that we get all this normal teenage life stuff. It really does allow an immersive ‘this is real people doing real stuff’ feeling to everything. Particularly people like Kiki and Sam who have little to do with the plot. It keeps them real and alive through a season where they were a bit more sidelined (and I love that Matteo and David’s little trip later on keeps them alive in a way that doesn’t overpower Amira’s season - this is a really clever way for the producers to keep fan favourites active without having to shoehorn them into places where they don’t belong). I am also a bit concerned about some of this though - how on earth did the boys not get in trouble for filming the dancing girls and posting it to social media? At most schools I know that would have resulted in some serious discipline action. However, the most fascinating thing about the social media is the party at the end of the episode. Sara didn’t start posting much on her stuff until much later in the evening (the reason this post is so late is because I was waiting to watch through all the social media before I worked with it - and there was so much for so long that I was able to notice the patterns in it in a way I didn’t at the time) and then Leonie took over and it was interesting what she chose to show and how non-perfect it all was compared to what Sara was trying to do before she got really incapacitated. I know it’s not technically part of this episode but the text string between the two of them the next day where Sara panics over how Matteo might take seeing her in such a sloppy drunken state is very telling. She really really wants to put on a show to make sure he’s not turned off by her not being ‘perfect’ - again, this is all very subtly done but there’s a really strong push to show how much of what is put onto social media isn’t a real and true depiction of who we really are. And of course that’s most important for Matteo himself. He’s still very actively putting on a front and it’s only partly to try to cover for the fact that he’s interested in boys not girls. He’s really not happy or at ease with pretty much any aspect of himself, but he’s also not really willing to show it to anyone. Except David. Which we’ll see as we go through the clips.

Clip one - Matteo’s shelf in the fridge is so sad! Someone (a parent maybe?) should really be making sure he has food and is looking after himself. We touched a bit last episode on food and nurturing and what we see here is Matteo very much not nurturing himself. Even more so than Sara, he has no care for his own wellbeing. Also he’s relying heavily on other people (Hans in this case) to do the heavy lifting for him. It’s also a major contrast to the playful, if disgusting, sandwich he made with David. Here it’s really just about putting something in to his body and there’s no thought for anything other than basic survival. Which is, tbh, a good metaphor for Matteo’s approach to his life at this time. The chat with Mia again veers close to things that are difficult for Matteo - he’s wearing David’s beanie, trying to get that bit of closeness to him, but then Mia starts asking awkward questions about why the kitchen was so terrible and what Matteo was up to and it’s all a bit tough. Matteo tries again to deflect and lie to cover his tracks. Which... is he ever going to learn? This lying is forever getting him in hot water when he’s caught out. Jonas even calls him out on it, basically saying ‘if you’re going to use me as an excuse then give me a heads up first’ showing that he has Matteo’s back, but is incapable of helping him if he won’t help himself. At this point, of course, Matteo has closed off because there’s a lot he finds too hard to talk about but Jonas is already giving those hints that he’d be there for Matteo if only Matteo would let him be. But at least Mia’s pushing serves one purpose - Matteo makes contact with David again and they manage to connect and get over the little hitch that David’s ditching caused. Both are still hiding bits of themselves from each other (David more so obviously), but both are quite happy to make these connections and are comfortable with each other. That David responds is so nice; it sets up the dynamic so different to the original and Matteo is much more secure in David’s friendship than Isak was with Even at this point just because of this. Then of course Matteo does the gay test, and it’s clear he already knows but he’s just sort of trying to work through some things. It leads to some of the things he says later that are quite unfortunate (both to the boys about the dance teacher in this episode and to Hans later about the ways to be gay), but I think there’s a genuine desire to figure out what gay might look like rather than any truly homophobic stuff. societal expectations and stereotypes and our own internal biases mess with us big time!!

Clip two - There’s not a lot of difference with the dancing girls clip, but it’s nice to see David again and the interactions between him and Matteo are a lot more natural than with Isak and Even. I guess because these two are in the same year, it’s much easier to pass off knowing each other and so Matteo really is a lot more casual than Isak ever was. The tone of the ‘why does he have to be so gay’ is different here too - Matteo’s much more low key and subdued when he’s called out on ‘why do we insult gays’ and he’s apologising fairly quickly. It really is much more obvious that he’s trying to work out what ‘gay’ is than trying to distance himself from the idea of being gay. He has a lot of issues and a lot of stuff to work through but it’s entrenched in an entirely different way to the og even though the words are almost exactly the same. The power of acting and body language!! Of course, this makes sense for both characters too - Isak and Matteo have different experiences and different lives and so they each act in a way that makes sense for them. I’m super impressed that the same conversation can look so different - both actors are very very good.

Clip three - This scene with Matteo and Sara works much better for me than the one with Isak and Emma. But perhaps that’s because Sara is allowed to be much more of a rounded character rather than a plot device. We can say all we like (and Leonie is so clearly right there with us) that Sara needs to wake up and see how badly Matteo is treating her, but the way this is developing makes it clear why she thinks and acts the way she does and we can have a lot of sympathy for her even while rolling our eyes at how obviously this is not working out. This right here is the moment where Matteo really should have said ‘yeah sorry, this isn’t working for me’ but he chooses not to because he still wants that security of having ‘someone’ if the thing with David turns out the way he expects it to (eg, David and Leonie being a thing). He wants the ability to hide and say ‘see, there was nothing there, I have a girlfriend so I’m not at all upset that David has one too’ and it’s shitty behaviour and it’s totally unfair to Sara, but at this point Matteo can’t see beyond his own needs. Sara is very clearly not happy with the situation and she rightly feels sidelined and unappreciated but she is still willing to accept his word when she puts those words into his mouth. She’s still invested in this fantasy in her head and she is carefully scripting it so that it goes the way she wants it to. Like last week when she was talking over Matteo to avoid hearing anything he’s saying, here she’s literally telling him what to say to get the outcome she wants. Leonie has quite obviously got a better handle on the situation, but Sara doesn’t want to hear it. Sara, again bless her, is very open about what she wants and needs from a relationship and how she’s feeling. She refuses to take Matteo’s very half-hearted attempt at sweet talking her at face value and demands some accountability. But it’s the very nature of those demands that sets her doom. She tells him what she needs and he gives it to her - only it’s a very pale and weak imitation of what she would really like. He uses her communication skills to play her.

Clip four - I loathe how no-one takes Matteo’s wants and needs into account, pretty much ever. He’s in such a rut of being used to just going with the flow that even when he tries to assert his own wants people straight up ignore him. It’s sad that he allows Kiki etc to basically commandeer his home for their party but it’s very much in keeping with how everything else is going. Last week, Kiki was super irritated because she had a picture of how things were going to go (they would have their event and Matteo would host it) and she couldn’t deal with things not being under her control. I suspect that if Sara hadn’t been with them and hadn’t done the speaking for Matteo, he would have been bullied into doing what she wanted then too. He clearly doesn't want to do this , but at least he uses it as a way to get closer to David. ‘Well, this party idea sucks, but maybe I can get this guy I like there’ and so he goes right up to him and invites him. While he’s quite checked out of significant parts of his life, when Matteo really wants something he’s not scared of going after it. Of course, as we see in later events, this gets him in trouble at times. But for right now it’s nice to see him taking some small control of his life. This is only possible, of course, because he was able to connect with David fairly quickly after he left last week. The fact that they are able to do this is testament to how easily they do understand each other and even while its awkward, this relationship doesn’t have the underlying tensions that the one with Sara does. It’s awkward in a positive way.

Clip five - there’s lots going on in this one. The studying and how little interest and engagement Matteo has with it. The consequent stalking of David on Sara’s account, the flow over into looking for David’s favourite movie, and of course Hans and his intrusion into Matteo’s quiet space again and then his attempt at using grindr. It’s a slow, fairly quiet clip and yet Matteo ends up doing a lot in it. It shows again, I think, just how much he values his time by himself and how much it works for him to be allowed to do things at his own pace. I’ve said before I really enjoy seeing the characters in their own environments being chill and just hanging with themselves. It shows us a lot of how they are. In this case, Matteo moves very quickly from the boredom of the studying to things he has more interest in. Like David. He’s restless and disengaged, using all of his tricks to try to distract himself (playing with plants etc) and then very quickly giving up on what he should do. I like that we get these sorts of smaller, lower key indications of how much David means to him as well. It’s not big grandiose expressions of interest, but he watches the movie because David likes it. He can’t even let himself stare at the picture for too long because it feels like a huge admission (he literally breaks eye contact with it and looks away the way he often does with David himself). It’s in these unguarded moments in his own space that we really see Matteo and he’s a mess, but he’s a mess who really does want connection and to find meaning with someone.

Clip six - We all love this one, right? It’s such a nice moment with David and their almost-kissing is very intense. But there’s a lot going on before that that I also want to look at. First, the way the boys call Matteo a ‘player’?????? how???? That’s his girlfriend????? He is playing her and stringing her along when he shouldn’t, but he’s not playing the field which is generally what we mean when we say this sort of thing. He has one girl and that one girl has made it pretty clear that he is hers. In many ways Matteo would be better off if he was playing the field - then there’s no expectations and he gets a rep as a ladies man. But this works better for him - he can sort of fall into it and follow along with it without having to put any effort in at all. She literally speaks for him, even. I have always found it fascinating how much Matteo keeps to himself in this clip. He hugs the walls like they’re his home and Sara is out there in the middle and there’s such a disconnect between the way they’re both acting. How would Matteo have coped with the expectations Sara outlines about sex had she not got so blind drunk she had to be taken home? It seems like it would have led to something very awkward and maybe she’d have finally got the picture.

Laura's little visit to see Matteo is cute too. Obviously she knows that David is interested and so she checks him out. It’s a shame it’s interrupted by Hans who then monopolises Matteo, but she was quite deliberate in finding him and speaking with him and I love the sibling support. David’s shirt he chooses to appeal to Matteo is hilarious too. The thought process (and the discussions with Laura at home beforehand) must have been brilliant. ‘I always wear black and am mysterious and aloof and cool, but to attract this boy I will wear a white shirt with a stupid picture on it’ - that it does attract Matteo just shows how attuned David is to his future boyfriend. Maybe he’s stalking the instagrams too - the Matteo Monday and Florenzi Friday do suggest that this is something that might appeal to Matteo.

Hans and Andi bother me too. In much the same way that I dislike that Sara assumes that Matteo not wanting sex with her means he’s gay (like? It’s okay not to want sex!! It doesn’t say anything about your sexuality), I don’t like that Hans has talked about Matteo to Andi and allows him to be so forward and aggressively sexual with someone who is very obviously not willing to be out. I know Hans is trying to be there for Matteo and to encourage him to accept himself (I think it’s pretty clear that he knows or thinks Matteo likes guys). But this is a party with all of Matteo’s friends. What did they think would happen? Why did they think he’d react in any way other than the one he does? Hans looks confused when Matteo pushes away and leaves, but why? This behaviour is entirely consistent with everything we know of his character. That it ends in an actual panic attack makes it all much more sad and difficult to watch. Honestly, outing people when they’re not ready is not cool and Hans should know this.

The panic attack itself is so well done. There’s no dialogue and yet we can see very obviously how Matteo is feeling and just how ‘normal’ this is to him. He has a set of behaviours that he follows to try to take the edge off. He throws things (this is his go-to when he’s stressed and he does it a LOT), he tries weed and he finally tries music and sitting by himself, cuddling a cushion for comfort. I know a million people have discussed this at length, but I don’t think we can speak about this clip without at least touching on it. Everything about it is done so well and it all combines to allow Matteo’s feelings to shine through. I love that it’s allowed to happen at a party and that we see very clearly how these things can be overwhelming for characters. I won’t go on anymore, but it’s just great and the acting is so perfect. I genuinely think this small part of this clip is probably my favourite acting out of everything in this show.

And then of course we have the stuff after everyone else has left. Again, a million people have discussed this in a million ways, but I love how this scene again shows how easily they get each other, how good they are at communicating with each other and how quickly they get on the same page. Matteo has no trouble at all saying what he thinks and pressing for information. This parallels Sara in some ways - she is like this with Matteo, making her wants and needs clear and putting herself on the line. Again, this is all very good set up for later on when Matteo finally finds himself in her position and realises just how much his behaviour hurt her because he’s living her side. However, unlike Matteo, David is quite clear and honest back. And that’s why they can so quickly move into a potential kiss. As with Matteo and Sara, there are close ups as they lean into each other, but somehow it feels like there’s more space for them to breathe here. The camera allows them both to be in the frame naturally, whether Sara is often invading into Matteo’s shots. Here, they’re both on board and both want it. I like that Matteo gets a moment to be open and himself after his experience with Andi. It must take a lot of courage to do this after he was so badly affected earlier. Testament to David’s calming presence which reassures rather than pushes, and how honest they are with each other - there’s no way David could miss how relieved Matteo is when he finds out that Laura is David’s sister not his girlfriend. They’re both very brave here - David for telling Matteo he looks good and Matteo for trying to take that next step even after his panic attack. And I think that’s a nice place to leave this. Because that’s already such a lot and this has all already been said before.

#druck #og druck #Matteo - episode 3 #again super long I'm sorry #one day I'll learn how to be concise

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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An analysis of Iori and his character arc

Iori has a particularly interesting position in 02′s narrative (and, even more widely so, in perhaps all of both Adventure and 02) in that his base profile is rather unusual-looking even from the get-go -- the youngest child in both groups, yet with a (seemingly) mature demeanor that surpasses even his seniors. On top of that, Iori ends up having a very deep relation to 02′s themes and plot itself in a way that isn’t initially apparent, but actually makes him a very vital centerpiece of 02′s story.

Before we get into Iori’s role in 02′s actual plot, it needs to be established that a very, very large amount of Iori’s character is heavily shaped by his family background and upbringing. Prior to the start of the series, the Hida family had a large void in it, with Iori’s father Hiroki having been killed in the line of duty. Being a mere five-year-old child who had lost his father barely into actually being sentient and basically had to live the following three years going off hearsay on what he was actually like, Iori ends up raised by his mother Fumiko and his paternal grandfather Chikara.

While not in exactly the same way as the Takenouchi family (which is literally working in cultural preservation and study), the Hida family is very traditionalist Japanese -- Fumiko makes traditional Japanese food and snacks like kanpyoumaki and ohagi, and a lot of attention is given to the butsudan altar in their house where they honor the late Hiroki (also note the tatami flooring). That, combined with Chikara’s naturally strict personality, led to Iori being raised with “very strict manners”, and by a set of very firm guidelines on honor, respect, and the like.

Having been raised into this kind of formality, Iori speaks almost exclusively in polite-form Japanese. This happens to initially make him come off a bit like Koushirou -- likely a deliberate parallel, given the Knowledge connection between the two (being the kind of person who admits that you don’t know everything and wants to know more requires a bit of humility, after all). That said, Iori’s way of doing this has some key differences from Koushirou:

Unlike Koushirou, who was largely polite out of an attempt to keep distance from everyone and thus had a streak of being somewhat non-confrontational, Iori is perfectly willing to say harsh or critical things -- in other words, his way of speaking is formal, but it’s not necessarily polite, and in fact Iori is probably the single most passive-aggressive person in this cast. He has absolutely no qualms about dunking on whatever he feels truly deserves the dunking, and he’ll certainly do it with a lot of grace, but he is very capable of being extremely cold when he wants to be.

Koushirou stuck to formality out of detachment and intimidation, to the point that, as per Adventure episodes 38 and 54, he was compulsively unable to bring himself to speak casually unless he forced himself. Iori, on the other hand, often “slips” -- on top of willingly defaulting to casual form whenever he’s talking to himself or (occasionally) to the Digimon (who are outside Japanese levels of propriety), he also has a tendency to start using casual form whenever he gets particularly emotionally compromised. (While it doesn’t quite come off in the translation, the above screenshots from 02 episode 10 are an example of this, with Iori losing his temper at the Kaiser and slipping into casual form -- and a bit of fun foreshadowing, guess who’s the one to successfully calm him down? Takeru. Remember this for later.) In other words, Iori’s formality is not compulsive, but a conscious thing he tries to maintain as he holds himself to high standards, and is unable to completely uphold during times his emotions get the better of him.

Ultimately, Iori may come off as “mature and composed”, but he’s still an impressionable nine-year-old child, who’s effectively parroting the rules his grandfather instilled in him because he sees it as The One and Only Guide to Living Life. In trying to figure out the right thing to do in any situation, Iori ends up constantly trying to fall back on “this is the right way to do things!” and taking it rather badly whenever things start falling outside of the expected pattern. Despite being the one responsible for Iori’s tightly principled life to begin with, even Chikara himself comments that Iori’s not being flexible enough in his thinking in 02 episode 5 -- because it’s not like he’s expecting Iori to be like this, but Iori is simply having a hard time applying these principles practically when he’s working with the limited range of being a nine-year-old child.

And as much as it may be tempting to see Iori as stoic, watching his expressions and way of emoting throughout the series, he does very much have the full range of emotions and curiosity and even cheer of a nine-year-old child -- it’s that he’s just constantly holding himself back for the sake of being principled and well-mannered. This has the unfortunate side effect that Iori is, as the Animation Chronicle calls it, “clumsy at expressing himself as a child”. Because he’s constantly restraining himself like this, he has a hard time expressing himself or letting himself enjoy things in the way a normal child would.

It also goes a long way in explaining why Iori is never seen hanging out with any other peers his age, and is exclusively depicted in the company of either the rest of the 02 group, or his own family. While part of it is simply because (as per Japanese school procedure) he’s too young to be formally enrolled in any clubs, 02 episode 3 goes out of its way to show Iori being left alone in the classroom with only a teacher stuck supervising him, as he tries to force himself to finish his lunch due to his stubborn adherence to principle (even though he seems to hate tomatoes). In other words, it’s heavily implied that Iori’s own behavior ended up isolating him from his peers. Considering that the 02 group is generally made up of kids who are socially displaced in some way, it naturally follows that, despite being significantly older than him, they end up welcoming him into their friend circle and treating him as an equal.

When the series starts, Miyako and Iori seem to have gotten a certain degree of closeness (with Iori as one of the only people Miyako drops honorifics on). It stands to reason that Miyako, being open-minded towards people and rather aggressively friendly, would be willing to befriend her neighbor despite the three-year age gap between them, and so they already seem to have developed a rapport where Miyako’s willing to come over to his place to help work on the Hida family electronics in exchange for food.

So, you know, this and that happens, Iori becomes a Chosen Child, and this is the start of where Iori’s “principles” start coming into conflict with each other. The nature of the Digital World crisis is a no-brainer -- the Kaiser is doing terrible things, and Iori’s just been given the tools to do something about it, and so for him, upholding his principles to do the right thing means proactively doing something about it. But getting involved in this territory war will mean “fighting and hurting other people” (bad) and “hiding things from his family and sacrificing obligations to them” (also bad). Chikara advises him in 02 episode 5 that he still needs to be the one to decide what he wants and needs to do at any given moment, but it’s clear that this is still a new concept for Iori to swallow.

It’s also important that 02 episode 5 is also the episode that introduces Jou, who very much understood the dissonance between “adhering to principles in spite of how practical that may not actually be”, which means the two of them end up bonding over...ditching real-life obligations to come to the Digital World. This bonding happens despite the fact that they have the largest age gap out of any two given kids out of the Adventure and 02 group (Jou is 15, and Iori 9) -- and yet, they’re able to bond over being like-minded like this. And while they come from different contexts, there’s also a parallel drawn between the two on “the importance of personal choice” -- because back in Adventure, Jou’s story involved channeling his desire to help others in a way different from his usual expected path as a doctor or as a Chosen Child, and, likewise, it will be up to Iori to find his own way towards what he thinks is right.

Iori’s “adherence to principles” also needs to be distinguished from Jou’s in that Jou was someone more likely to be stuck to “practical” rules (one might call him Lawful) such as waiting for adults to help them with things, or what to put on eggs. Iori, on the other hand, has self-enforced rules that are far more ideological -- he doesn’t actually care that much about institutionally-enforced rules (note how he has absolutely no issue with sneaking into school with his friends in 02 episode 6) as much as he enforces a moral code on himself about “the right thing to do”. For instance, that he has to show his respect to Jou by formally finishing his introduction, even if it’s clear they know each other by now already.

But, again, it bears repeating: Iori is a nine-year-old child. The rest of the kids respect him enough to not treat him like a younger child -- other than a brief moment of emotional compromise that Daisuke quickly apologized for, the group is never really depicted as paying particular mind or care to the fact that Iori is so much younger than them, and for the most part treat him like an equal. But Iori himself is conscious of this -- after all, it’s why he’s constantly speaking politely to everyone all of the time, but 02 episode 16 also implies he’s very self-conscious about this. The plot of the episode kicks off when Iori momentarily gets caught up in his excitement about potentially getting a new Digimental, and, once things start going south, he starts blaming himself for causing all of this and lashing out at the others for (at least, in his mind) singling him out to be the one to escape on the grounds of being the youngest. After all is said and done with the incident, Submarimon lets Iori have a moment of something Iori really does need: a bit of a chance to actually get to enjoy himself as a young child instead of restraining himself so much.

Speaking of 02 episode 16, this is also where we first get to see how the pressure of maintaining Iori’s moral code starts to emotionally tear at him. It’s the first time we see Iori lose his composure this much. To everyone else here (and, perhaps, the audience, to some degree), Iori’s making a mountain out of a molehill -- he’s calling himself an unworthy person for telling a lie that even Jou himself clearly didn’t mind. But remember, Iori is someone who’s still learning a lot about how the world works at such a young age and is inclined by default to fall back on whatever his grandfather’s told him (to a point that even said grandfather considers to be overdoing it). Right now, Iori has basically built his entire view of morality based on this kind of thing, so putting a dent on it is like encouraging a slippery slope of potentially falling into moral depravity.

The reason why I say Iori’s character arc has a lot to do with Adventure and 02’s storytelling itself is that it’s a surprisingly pragmatic series when it comes down to it -- “it’s okay to lie, sometimes” is not exactly the kind of moral you’d expect out of your average kids’ show, but, perhaps a bit unusually, this series prefers to skip all of the preachiness and focus on pragmatics. (After all, back in Adventure, a lot of the final arc revolved around the question of “is fighting the right thing to do when there might be casualties?”, with the probably-kind-of-uncomfortable-but-frankly-very-practical answer of “it certainly beats having more casualties that would happen if you sat around and did nothing.”) Iori’s character arc is, effectively, this in a nutshell -- what’s the “right” thing to do when following principles alone doesn’t seem to be doing it? In the end, both Adventure and 02 are big on this -- preachy words and moralistic principles mean nothing in the face of striving to practically minimize damage and help others.

And so, Jou -- who himself grappled quite a bit with the dissonance between principles and pragmatism back in Adventure -- is the one to successfully reframe it in a way that Iori understands: most of all, Iori doesn’t want to see people get hurt, and whether “lying” or “not lying” is the right thing to do is not as relevant as “whether people are getting hurt”. Iori not lying would have caused a great deal more of hurt than lying, and it’s through understanding this kind of principle that Iori accepts that he still has a long way to go in terms of exercising his duty to others. The secondary Digimental arcs have a heavy theme of “acknowledging your deficiencies and resolving to improve”, and in the case of Iori and the Digimental of (this thing has been translated half a dozen ways, but, effectively, honoring your obligations to others), it involves his first major moment of coming to terms with the idea that the principles on paper he’s been stubbornly following aren’t going to do it by themselves.

Once the Kaiser arc concludes and the group is posed with the question on how to handle Ichijouji Ken, Iori’s reaction to him is the most infamously extreme: Ken is a Bad Person who is completely beyond forgiveness, and Iori wants nothing to do with him. It probably needs to be made clear that Iori’s stance on not wanting to forgive Ken is not inherently unreasonable. Ken really did some awful, horrible things in the first half of the series, and it is completely within Iori’s rights to decide that he doesn’t want to forgive or like Ken thereafter.

The part where Iori’s behavior starts posing issues is not the part about whether he likes Ken or not, but rather that Iori gets so hung up on that lack of forgiveness that he becomes very bad at observing the practical reality in front of him. Or, in other words, Iori gets so fixated on the principle of what happened in the past that he’s unable to make good judgment calls on what should happen going forward. It is abundantly clear to everyone by (at the latest) 02 episode 26 that Ken is not going to easily lapse back into his old ways and would like to make an effort to repair the damage he caused; regardless of whether they like him or not, it’s in their best interest to cooperate with him and let him help out (and even keep an eye on him to make sure bad things don’t happen again!), especially when the factor of Jogress comes into play and turns out to be a very valuable asset in the fight ahead. But Iori has a a rather squeamish, petty response when he tries to claim that they shouldn’t need Jogress (in the midst of everyone else being excited about the possibilities it poses, even without Ken in the equation) in 02 episode 28, and even when he does go along with everyone working with Ken in 02 episodes 28-29 during the Giga House Incident, he approaches it like he and Ken are bartering favors and that he’ll have to “repay” Ken before he can properly return to pigeonholing Ken as an Unequivocally Bad Person.

And so the issue here is: Iori being so determined to fixate on trying to stuff Ken into a neat box of a Bad Person isn’t good for himself, either, because it basically means he’s going out of his way to run pointless mental loops and maintain the feeling of stewing in a grudge against him, even when it’s helping absolutely nobody. Note the metaphor drawn when Iori practices kendo with Chikara in 02 episode 24 -- he keeps doing the same motion over and over again despite the fact it’s clearly not going anywhere, and Chikara has to warn him that doing nothing but aim for the head isn’t how you’re supposed to do it. Right now, Iori is having a hard time parsing things in ways besides shoving things in neat boxes of black-and-white morality, and this lack of flexibility is severely restricting his ability to be productive.

What starts to really cause Iori to make a major shift in his thinking process is none other than his connection with Takeru, a subplot that had already started kicking off all the way back in 02 episode 19, when Iori witnesses Takeru suddenly taking a violent shift in mood against the Kaiser to the point it scares him. Iori, of course, considers Takeru to be a “good" and “kind person”, but someone like that should (in his mind) logically not be making sudden, violent outbursts like that -- and especially once he starts advocating for BlackWarGreymon to potentially be killed if it comes down to it, going very against Iori’s fundamental principle that killing anything that’s sentient is unforgivably immoral.

This “contradiction” is what leads Iori to realize that he needs to do much more if he wants to understand Takeru properly, and it’s also the start of how Iori grows into the trait of his first Digimental, “Knowledge” -- or, more specifically (as defined by Koushirou in Adventure episode 24 and 02 episode 2), “curiosity and a drive to know more”. In the case of Iori, this manifests in “I want to know more about other people.” It’s Iori effectively understanding that his very limited view of the world and how people work isn’t sufficient in itself, and this concept becomes the crux of his character arc for the rest of the series.

After tussling around and getting increasingly confused about Takeru’s seemingly paradoxical behavior, Iori finally goes directly to Yamato to consult him about it in 02 episode 35, and Yamato explains the backstory behind Takeru’s trauma from losing Angemon back in Adventure episode 13, as well as a reminder that as much as it may have been his own fault, Ken technically went through some pretty similar trauma, and everything that’s happened since his fall from being the Kaiser hasn’t exactly been sunshine and roses for him either. Iori reflects on this as he goes home, with the important statement attached: he understands Takeru’s feelings. He’s now able to understand why Takeru acts the way he does, not on the grounds of principles of what’s right or wrong, but based on the fact that Takeru’s simply a very messy human being who’s not handling his own tendency to suppress his emotions well.

Because Takeru is such a convoluted person, and because Iori’s fundamental issue with approaching things involves unraveling some very deep-seated tendencies in his mentality, the way the two finally connect in order to properly Jogress requires something a lot more convoluted than just happening to clash in a single magical moment like Daisuke and Ken or Miyako and Hikari did. Iori starts off the episode catching himself when he’s about to fall back into “principles over practicality” again -- he starts railing on the others for (in his mind) taking the impending BlackWarGreymon fight too lightly, before Armadimon reminds him that he’s hungry, and Iori realizes -- again -- that he cannot effectively enforce “the right or wrong thing to do” without taking other people’s feelings properly into account. Realizing that this is is a barrier between him and the others, especially Takeru, Iori tries to adjust his thinking pattern and even becomes the one to advocate that everyone get some proper food and rest instead of charging into the fight unprepared.

The meal results in Iori getting yet another rare moment of letting himself truly enjoy something without restraint, and is also followed by Takeru speaking openly to him about their potential Jogress -- openly, honestly, not covering it up, not even with the same light playfulness he would usually put on (including what he had with the very same topic at the beginning of this episode). It is an acknowledgment from Takeru’s own part that he’s been watching what Iori’s doing and also wants to connect, and an open and serious statement from someone who had constantly tried to cover up everything with a smile up until that point, and, with the two reaching an understanding, they finally achieve their Jogress at the end of the episode.

This connection with Takeru, and the understanding that came from it, is what allows Iori to start applying a bit more flexibility towards approaching other situations. 02 episode 38 has him finally accepting Ken’s invitation to his Christmas party, after so many episodes of despising so thoroughly -- because now that he’s taking Ken’s position and feelings into account, he’s able to properly recognize him as someone doing his best to make amends going forward and be friends. Later, in 02 episode 44, despite having originally been the one more staunchly against it on principle, Iori handles the shock of having to kill an enemy with somewhat more grace than Miyako does, because not only had he already started considering the difficulty of fighting an enemy that cannot be reasoned with and wants nothing but wanton destruction (back during the end of 02 episode 29), Takeru is there to remind him that their priority must, first and foremost, be “saving lives” -- like, for instance, the girl in a wheelchair in front of him.

And so, the final episodes of 02 put everything Iori’s learned to the ultimate test, when he learns that the major perpetrator behind it all is none other than a friend of his departed father.

Up until this point, much of Iori’s mentality had been shaped by the rather saintlike image everyone had put up of Hiroki -- it’s almost certain that he must have had his own flaws as a person, but the resistance to speaking ill of the dead, and the generally positive influence he’d had on his friends and family and his untimely death by “protecting someone”, painted him as effectively a perfect, impossible ideal for Iori to strive to. Much of Iori’s justifications for his own behavior had consistently been reliant on “my father said this” or “would my father would have done this?”, such as his reason for forcing down his lunch in 02 episode 3, or using him as a mental model in 02 episode 44. For Iori’s former mentality of “good person” and “bad person”, this is the ultimate contradiction that threatens to rip apart everything Iori had built his own values system on -- that someone so incredible and saintlike and virtuous would be friends with someone so unambiguously doing horrible things like Oikawa. Iori, taking this as an awful emotional blow, parses this with a desperate desire to understand the motive behind why someone would do this, because it’s not enough for him to continue until he does.

And in 02 episode 49, we see Iori effectively forced to confront the fact that he can’t keep relying on the model of his father anymore as the sole basis for his way of life when, in the end, his father will never return. Iori doesn’t even know him that well; he can’t conjure up an image of him talking, or anything beyond just a flat, serene smile. And when the image of his father finally disappears, Iori almost immediately accepts it, as if he’d known the whole time.

It’s also significant that Iori declares that what he’ll do next is introduce Armadimon to his mother -- because, in the end, Iori is at least now capable of “moving forward”. He can’t get his father back, and the best thing he can do is make use of his existing support group and keep pushing forward with the people he does have in his life -- quite the opposite of Oikawa, who responded to the loss of that exact same person by clutching onto the remnants of the past they shared, and never becoming able to move on.

Hence, 02′s finale ends on none other than Iori, and when you think about it, this is actually a pretty unusual position to be in for someone who’s not the lead protagonist (Daisuke) nor the most prominent focus of the story (Ken)! But it’s a testament to just how important Iori is to this narrative on a thematic level -- all of the struggles about the morality of fighting and the disparity between principles and practicality (which dated all the way back to Adventure), and 02′s prominent theme of coping with loss and regrets and figuring out how to best move on, are all tightly entwined with the character arc of this nine-year-old child. (If you want to take the parallel between the Adventure narrative and Iori even further, Iori and Armadimon sharing the same voice actress is possibly one of the most prominent ways of indicating how a Digimon partner is fundamentally meant to express one’s inner self.)

And especially since Iori is the person who should have been the most vehement about having any kind of sympathy or compassion towards Oikawa -- just remember how determined he was to be cold towards Ken only half a series ago! -- and it leaves a strong impression of the huge, huge journey Iori had gone on through this series. Iori’s arc closes on him understanding the nature of what Oikawa had wanted this whole time, and understanding exactly what it meant for him to make that sacrifice right after finally meeting his partner, and ends the story the most emotionally affected by it -- because, after all, that’s the sort of truly kind person Iori is.

Iori after 02

By the time of Spring 2003, when Iori’s had some time to reflect on it, we learn from Iori that he still does not forgive Oikawa. That in itself is fine; remember, Iori is perfectly within his rights to not do so after all that he’s done. However, again, a distinction must be drawn between whether Iori forgives him, and whether he still considers it to be important to understand the mentality behind why Oikawa did what he did, and to reflect meaningfully on that instead of running himself in circles fixating on a grudge. Again, it’s about going forward with what he knows and has, instead of getting fixated on past deeds -- and with that, Iori resolves to “study”.

In The Door to Summer, we also learn that Iori allegedly has a “girlfriend” -- or, at least, someone Daisuke calls his girlfriend (Daisuke is a bit of an unreliable narrator here, given he’s also totally blown Hikari’s “rejection” of his beach hangout offer up as if it were a full-on total rejection of him completely). It is, perhaps, interesting that Daisuke is capable of getting this impression about Iori’s relationship with someone outside the 02 group, given that he’d been rather isolated from his peers all the way back in 02 episode 3...

Iori occupies an interesting position in Kizuna, because we only have one point in time where we got to intimately know him, and that was back when he was only nine years old -- and between that and Kizuna, there is a massive eight-year timeskip. He's 17 now, and we don't get any kind of catch-up period in the middle like we did with Takeru and Hikari in 02, and that is a time period where a lot of changes in demeanor could have happened with him compared to all of the others.

At first glance, it seems that he’s gotten much more stoic -- but this is actually something that should reasonably be expected, because now that he’s a teenager, it stands to reason that he would be much better at actually controlling his emotions and not necessarily get overwhelmed as easily. Plus, it’s not like he’s shown to be completely emotionless throughout the movie; he’s just doing a much more graceful job of holding himself back (look carefully at the credits and you can see him sweatdropping at Armadimon barging in on his practice), and moreover you can still see him deliver some pretty direct bluntness about the ramen in New York. Still with formal language, but nevertheless, no flattery is to be had here; Iori will dunk on you if he thinks you deserve it (even if it’s to do with mediocre ramen).

But there are some other interesting observations -- for one, the official website profile states that he’s actually settled on his future career in law at this point, and has made himself extremely busy in order to do so. (On top of that, he at least seems to be on friendly enough terms with his peers at school that they’re happy to greet him on their way out.) The drama CD indicates that Daisuke considers him the busiest out of the entire 02 group -- yet he and Takeru went out of their way to pick him up from school, because he’s that important to them. (Think about it -- how often do you see university students going this far to go retrieve a high school kid to hang out with them?) And likewise, Iori doesn’t even hesitate to state that he’ll make time for them, and throughout the movie he’s conspicuously seen in his school uniform, implying he really is moving things around to make it happen, because they’re that important to him.

He also engages in the single most chaotic action from this group, which is getting Armadimon to break into Menoa’s lab. It’s not that he’d inherently been against this kind of thing before, especially for something important (recall that he’d been happy to sneak into school for Golden Week with the others back during 02 episode 6), but it does beg the question of where and how he got this information that Armadimon could break electric locks. Perhaps he’s become a bit more, ah, pragmatic of a person since 02...

So, in the end, Iori does become an attorney, and specifically a defense attorney (the Japanese law system does draw the distinction). The person who once wanted to stick people he considered to be doing wrong into a “bad people” box and call it a day eventually came to embrace a career that involves understanding people and advocating for their perspective, or at least bargaining for something other than defaulting to the harshest assumption and a solution that allows all of the parties to best productively move forward.

He also has a daughter, who seems to have been raised to be as well-mannered and formal as he was. But, thankfully, he himself is there to help raise and guide her as she grows up.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #kizuna spoilers #hida iori #iori hida #shihameta

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poopbuttballs · 3 years

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The partygoers

Midoriya x reader ✨angst✨

In 2nd person

(Based on Michael in the bathroom because I’ve never had an original thought ever lol)

So here you were, having a panic attack in the bathroom. Not just any bathroom, but the bathroom of Momo’s house at her Halloween party. Sitting there wondering why you weren’t enough for him and why he’s decided that he’s better off without you weighing him down. Midoriya had ditched you for his new “friends” and his new “cool guy” persona, deeming you too “weird” and “cringe” for his taste.

Did he even remember that you were at the party with him? Of course not, why would he? He’s Izuku Midoriya, the boy everyone knows and loves, the one who the students and teachers praise, the boy who tries to help everyone no matter what! Also the same boy who is causing you to hyperventilate and try to muffle your sobs. You were supposed to match with him to this dumb party that HE wanted to go to. The itchy fabric of the stupid costume you were wearing was irritating your skin causing it to break out in tiny little red bumps. You were supposed to be Mario and Luigi, but he bailed out on you and decided to party with Todoroki and Bakugo. He and Bakugo aren’t even friends!

The last time that you saw him was before the party at school and only for about 2 minutes before he was whisked away by Ochacko for god knows what. And to be honest you’d rather hide out in this overwhelmingly large bathroom alone rather than follow him around like a little lost puppy for the entirety of the night or have your phone die because you can’t stop playing with the volume buttons and pretending to seem busy by constantly changing the settings.

If perfect little Midoriya would have stayed with you, his “best friend” everything would have been okay. You wouldn’t have been hiding in the bathroom away from what would have probably been the best time of your sophomore year. If you guys would have stuck together like usual, like you always have up until recently everything would be fine. But, it’s not.

So here you are trying to calm yourself down by breathing in so deeply that you almost look ridiculous, in some random obscure bathroom and searching to find something to hold on to. Just looking for the tiniest bit of security. To find something to occupy yourself until you can leave, you start to pick at the adhesive on the windowsill trying not to get wrapped up in your thoughts because once they catch up with you, you’re done for.

Once your breathing finally gets back to its regular pace, You start to think, “being alone can’t be too bad.. there’d be no one there to walk out on me except for myself.” It would be pretty easy for you considering that Midoriya seemed to be the only one that showed some interest in you. And now that he has abandoned you you’re all alone. But the giant rain cloud comes back and says that maybe he really did get tired of you and has decided to throw you out like some expired lettuce. Would he replace you with someone better? Someone more outgoing? Maybe he wants someone who can do everything you can’t. Maybe it’s the purple haired kid in Gen Ed. You sink back down to the floor.

You can hear Mina and Denki outside of the door singing to what sounds like some funky 80’s music. They’re basically yelling it and they sound like they’re both drunk off of their asses. Normally you’d laugh at their antics with Mr. Midoriya but you’re sure that he’s somewhere playing beer pong with Todoroki and Iida. This thought causes your lip to quiver and your eyes to water but you quickly bite back the tears just in case someone is able to hear your sniffing over the music that is blasting and walks in you all red and teary eyed. If they do come in you could always just blame it on one of the drugs that someone managed to sneak in, or the smoke from the fog machines.

So it’s you, by yourself, on the ground, crying.

Knock, knock, knock, knock “You good bro?” Someone’s muffled voice comes through the door. You try to quickly compose yourself before the panic starts to settle in by gathering your things and rushing over to the sink to fix the mess that is yourself.

They knock again. Shit, “Uhhmmm yeah I’ll be out soon!” You say trying to hide the coarseness of your voice. The pressures on, someone is trying to get in. Oh how you wished that you would have just never shown up to this damn party in the first place. You splash some water on your face and breathe in and feel a sense of serenity, almost as if that splash of water had transported you to a different dimension. You walk over to the door to let them in but they’re gone.

Looking back at yourself you realize what a sad sight you really were. Alone, crying and having a crisis in the bathroom at party when everyone else is out there having a good time. If you would have just turned down Midoriya’s offer when he asked if you wanted to go. You could have been at home lounging comfortably and reading the newest edition of Shonen Jump. But now everyone is gonna find out about how you were stuck in the bathroom for 2 hours. And all of the things that they’ll say, the rumors will spread fast. Probably something like, “Did you know that y/n was doing drugs? Yeah, that’s why all of their friends left them.” Or just talking about how much of a loser you seem to be.

When really all that they know is your name.

“Thanks Mido, awesome party! I’m so glad I came”

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g0ldengubler · 3 years

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12 ~ But Tonight, You Belong to Me

A/N: this is just the beginning of the chaos....also i’m almost at 1k followers!! that’s insane, and because of that i might just have something special coming for once i do hit it ;) one more thing, i’m doing a summer semester this year, and because of that the next couple of months might have more slow posts. i just ask that you please be patient with me when it comes to posting for now. thank u so much for reading!

Category: Angst

CW: Talks involving a case, talking about panic and stress and how dark the mind can go. please don’t read if you don’t feel comfortable with reading.

Summary: Y/N and her friends search for the person who left the note. Things don’t go quite as planned once they find them.

Words: 4530

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~

The weight of the world was on your shoulders. You could only feel the pins and needles from your elbows to your fingertips as if they were numb. Everything was heavy, from a single case file to someone speaking. At one point you couldn't hear words, you just heard muffled voices through the white noise. Your mind couldn't stop running a million miles a second with the worst of the worst while trying to keep it together. Agents were walking in and out of your apartment, checking for any bugs or clues from the hallway camera footage. Your team went asking others in your building if anything strange had happened and Garcia came straight over to multitask work and comfort. She sat next to you on the couch with her laptop in front of her. You kept your focus on the clicking and clacking of her nails hitting the keys as you ate the donut she got you and drank your tea, the sweet comforting taste of pumpkin almost calming your nerves, but not by much.

Not looking away from her screen, Garcia placed a hand on your back, rubbing up and down softly. Being pulled out of your thoughts, you took a quick glance at her. The team all looked so tired and drained. When you found the letter at your door, you immediately called everyone including Gacia, sobbing and trying not to scare your dogs too much. They solved the case the next day and then came straight to your apartment. Garcia came as quickly as she could after the call. Spencer was worried sick, he didn't want to leave your side and almost argued with Hotch about it. But you told him that doing his job will help immensely, and he listened to you. Still mad at Hotch, he stormed out with Emily to ask around.

After hours of searching and not finding much, all the other agents packed up their gear and equipment and headed out, while your friends stayed behind. Spencer sat next to you on the other side of the couch while everyone else sat in the chairs in the living room or grabbed a chair from the kitchen. Seth came by as soon as the whole bureau left, as they wouldn't let him in to take care of the dogs for you. He sat on the floor by your feet, petting Draco while you were holding Benedict. The softness of his hair helped you calm down enough to talk to your friends.

"Y/N," said Rossi, "are you sure you know who left you the note?"

"I'm positive," you weakly spoke, trying to hold in everything, "It's him. It's Michael Gabin."

"How do you know Gabin?" asked Jj, holding the letter in its plastic evidence bag.

"He was my high school 'best friend', although he wasn't really a good one..."

"How so?" asked Hotch.

"He never supported me in my dreams. He made fun of me like everyone else, he would ditch me for parties and use me. I was just something to do to him, we weren't really friends now that I think about it."

Spencer put his arm around you, pulling you in and kissing the top of your head as he rubbed your shoulder. "I just don't understand why he would do this. He didn't give a shit about me."

"Maybe there's something deeper going on with him. We'll figure it out." said Morgan.

"How do you know it's him, though," asked Emily, "What in the letter stood out to you?"

You slowly grabbed the letter from Jj and moved the bag around so then it was better to see. You drifted your finger along the first sentence. " 'Did you connect the dots, you nerd?' That was what he called me. Almost every sentence towards me ended in that and it got annoying at one point. I wasn't even upset anymore about the name just the fact that he used it all the time to get on my nerves."

"You'll get the bastard, I know you can!" said Seth. There was silence. You looked down at him and smiled, knowing that he was really saying that he's right beside you in this. You looked around the room, feeling the same thing for all of them. They were your family, and they were willing to do everything and anything to keep you safe and help you. You didn't know what you did to deserve people like them.

"We'll pick up again bright and early in the morning," said Hotch, "When we come in, Garcia, I need you to look into Gabin's backstory-work, school, family, friends. Morgan and Emily, talk to his parents or any family member to get their side of the story. Jj and Spencer, I want you both to stay with Y/N tomorrow and help her go through his story, compare what she knows to what we find out. Maybe there's something that's there but just never clicked. Rossi and I will handle protection for you, Seth, and your father."

"As for now, let's all try to get a bit of rest," said Rossi, standing up from his chair and fixing his suit. He walked up to you and put a hand on your shoulder, "Don't you worry kiddo. We're all here."

As everyone got up, gave their tightest hugs to you, and started heading out the door, Spencer stopped Hotch. "Hotch, is it ok if I stay with Y/N tonight?" He asked.

Hotch looked at him, then at you, then back at him, and nodded. Then left and closed the door behind him. Seth left with the crowd, saying he'd come tomorrow to look after the dogs for you. The two of you lay on the couch, you on top of Spencer as he played with your hair. Your head was on his chest, laying on your stomach with your arms rested on top of his shoulders. It shouldn't have scared you that badly. Yeah, he wasn't a good friend. But Michael doing this years after high school, he was being the loser this time. Not you. Spencer reminded you, though, that anyone leaving a note like that at your door is scary. If they didn't leave a clue that would help you figure him out, anyone would be terrified.

~~~

Waking up to the smell of french toast and coffee, you learned as you walked in on Spencer setting the food down on the coffee table, that he knew what to do to cheer somewhat up in some ways. He knew what to do to make you smile even if it's small like making you breakfast. You watched from the hallway door frame as your dogs chased each other around your apartment, almost knocking Spencer over while he had your glasses of water in his hands. What gave you away was your little giggle. He looked up after setting the glasses down, smiling. You walked over to each other, right in both your arms and his, almost seeing who can give the tightest hug possible.

You tried to look as best you could for going into work, but you really weren't feeling it. You were told to not come in today but you could still do work from home since you're now both agent and victim. Jj came over early that afternoon with lunch in her hands. She had gotten subs from a place around the block and some peach flavored ice teas, and when she walked in and sat everything down, she let you and Spencer know that you weren't needed yet until Garcia, Morgan, and Emily got their info so then we could try and match them up. She played with your dogs with Seth while you tried to watch tv or YouTube videos to keep your mind of something you didn't need to really think about at the moment.

Spencer sat next to you on the couch, one arm around you while the other held his coffee mug. One leg over the other, he used his knee to balance the book he was currently reading. That's what was really helping you distract yourself after a while, as you had turned on a lofi video to have music going in the house, the way his fingers would go down the page like he was pretending to read. His middle finger would travel the page while his ring and index fingers were in the air, not missing a single word. You nuzzled the back of your head on his shoulder, hands to yourself. Everything finally felt fine.

~~~

Later that afternoon, Garcia, Morgan, and Emily came in, the dogs running up and jumping on them. The two sat in the chairs while Garcia sat on the other side of you on the couch setting up her laptop. Jj was still with Seth and the dogs on the floor, petting them and giving them belly rubs. After asking if they wanted anything, you got up and went to the kitchen to make them coffee. Spencer didn't want you to at first, but you reassured him that you were ok enough to make it. You never met a man like him that had so much trust in you after speaking up on his concerns and worries. Setting them down on the coffee table, it was time now to compare.

"Garcia was able to find his mom easily," said Morgan, "She moved to D.C. a couple years back."

"And Michael had been staying with her for the past year," Emily chimed in, "He had got into trouble in Detroit with drugs and his mother had him move in with her so he could get help."

"That's a big lie," said Garcia, typing away at her laptop, pulling up different windows that showed his spendings and purchases, "He's been sending money to someone through Venmo and by the looks of the prices, he's not just giving this person gas money."

"Did he experiment at all in high school?" asked Jj.

Taking a moment to process the info that was just told to you, you think back again to the days he'd sneak into your room from the window after a party, trying to tell you all he did and be either be too drunk or pretend to be too drunk to care about you in the slightest. You'd be asleep and you'd feel him shake you awake at 3am. He never asked how your day went, not that you cared if he did after a while, but you listened and listened until you were drifting in and out, trying to stay awake.

"Not really," you finally said, "he would drink sometimes at parties but most of the time he was faking it to seem cool. He was lying to everyone back then and everyone knew he was just puffing his chest. He thought he was so cool because all the popular kids and druggies and alcoholics would always talk with him and hang out, but really they were playing him like a game, or like some form of entertainment."

"His mother said she let him stay with an old friend of his after a few months living with her. Do you recognize the name Sarah Sammuels?" asked Morgan.

"Yeah. She was one of the popular girls."

"Looking into her backstory," said Garcia, "she had been a stoner all throughout high school. And from what it looks like, after high school her and Michael bumped into each other, became friends, and she got him into weed and other drugs like LSD, cocaine, molly. When he found out she also had moved here, he convinced his mom that it was best if he lived with her. Since then, they've been going to the same guy."

"Where does he work?" You asked.

"He works at a burger joint and...eww it's a really crappy burger joint called Ben's Burgers," She typed away, pulling up more windows, "Doesn't pay him enough as he's said in multiple posts on Facebook..." Her face looked as if two people ran into each other and got seriously hurt, almost like a 'That's going to hurt in the morning' type of expression, as she read one of the posts. We all looked and everyone else had the same reaction. You, on the other hand, weren't too surprised by this.

"That definitely sounds like him," you said, "Michael could never hold even the shittest of jobs."

"What else do you know about him," asked Emily, "Did he ever talk about home?"

"That's all he talked about when he was drunk. His dad was abusive to him when we were kids and then left him when we were in middle school. His mom really did try throughout the years but he wasn't having it. He was always so mean to her for no reason. Come to think of it, it's quite shocking he and Sarah get along so well. He never really treated any girl or woman with respect."

"Was his father like that?" asked Spencer.

"I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised."

"I did look into both his parents," said Garcia, "His father was definitely not nice to women at all growing up. His mother was very abusive towards him, going so much as making him stay home from school a lot to get her alcohol and hurt him. She'd lock him in the shed with no food or water for days and no one knew. By the time he was ready to report her, she passed away due to liver failure."

"So...maybe this is Michael's way of getting back at women. Maybe his father told him something before he left." said Jj.

"Maybe. But right now, let's give this information to Hotch and Rossi and then we'll continue our search from there." said Spencer.

Morgan got up from his chair and pulled his phone out of his pocket as he walked to the kitchen. Seth softly rubbed your knee as a way of showing support as he got up from the floor. He said he was thinking about walking the dogs at the park and offered to everyone if they wanted to join. You focused on the conversation, but your ears were also paying attention to Morgan and what he was telling Hotch.

"Hotch," said Morgan, "so we found some more things on his back-..." He was cut off mid sentence, listening to what Hotch had to say. From the look on Morgan's face, it didn't sound like good news. "Wait he did what?!...Um, ok we'll be there in five...are you sure?...yeah you're right. Ok, we'll be there as fast as we can." He hung up the phone and looked at all of us worried.

"Seth, you're going to have to walk the dogs on your own today. Something happened at Quantico and Y/N needs to come with us."

"What happened?" asked Emily, everyone looking quite concerned.

"Michael somehow managed to sneak another note in one of the case files. Everyone in the building checked everything but he was nowhere to be found, so either he somehow disguised himself as an agent or we have a mole helping him out."

The weight was coming back. Everything was slowly getting heavy again, and Spencer could tell. He held your hand tightly and squeezed, letting you know he was there. It shook you from your thoughts and suddenly a little of the weight lifted once you looked into his hazel eyes. He smiled, and for a moment you felt safe all over again. That only lasted until you got to the 6th floor, where you found Hotch and Rossi sitting in Hotch's office. When they saw you guys come in, they came out and stood at the railing. Looking around, you saw some agents from different departments running in and out, collecting all they could to help out yours. Phones were ringing like crazy, and the amount of talking that was going on turned into white noise again.

Hotch advised everyone to go to the conference room, and as you all walked in Spencer still held your hand firmly, even when you sat down. He rolled his chair closer to you, and while you thought that Hotch would say otherwise, he surprisingly didn't say anything about you two being so close. He stood with Jj in front of the screen, looking around the room. His eyes met with yours and you could tell he saw right through them. The worry and the panic, the fear and the pain.

It was almost as if he understood so much that he was letting you be.

Rossi later walked in with the new note already in an evidence bag in his hands. Jj soon put it up on the screen for everyone to see (read), but looking around the room you saw confused expressions.

"So the guy is a fan of codes?" asked Morgan.

"Does any of this mean anything to you?" asked Hotch.

You nodded. "Michael was obsessed with codes. He'd give me one that he didn't think I could solve and when I did he'd give me one even harder. I knew he was doing this to get under my skin, but honestly I had a ball solving them. Codes are always fun."

"Go with Garcia and Spencer to her lab while they look over the letter and figure it out. Jj, the press somehow found out about today's note, so I would like you to talk to them and tame the situation. Emily and Morgan, you're with Rossi and I to go to the morgue and look at the bodies again. Compare what you find with what happened today and anything the three can find."

~~~

"We've cracked some of the hardest codes an unsub can come up with, yet THIS ONE is the one that's giving us so much trouble. Even for our boy wonder over here and it's numbers! His favorite."

"That's Michael for you, Garcia," You said. You were sitting next to her at her desk while Spencer sat on the table behind you, watching the monitors from above, "It's shocking that he got better at them. I thought he'd be over it after we graduated." You turned around and saw your boyfriend, looking stumped.

There was a moment of silence. "Hello? This is where the doc comes in with some other ways of solving the code." said Garcia.

The more you stared at him the more you realized he wasn't stumped, he was in his head figuring it out. "Bubs?" Spencer snapped out of his thoughts, blinking a few times. "Yeah...yeah sorry," He got up from the table and walked closer to the screen. He and Garcia got to work, pulling up all different alphabets and putting them in grids. The three of you came back together and compared the note to each one, but still nothing.

The more you stared at the note, the more you began to think. It was right on the tip of your tongue. It felt so familiar to you, so nostalgic. It then hit you like a train, the numbers and how they were specifically arranged. They didn't belong to any real alphabet, only yours. "I know what this is."

"You do?" They asked at the same time.

You signaled Garcia out of her chair and once sitting, you went to work. "The one thing he used on me to make me think we were actually friends was our code. He created a code for us to use in class or any situation where we wanted to talk to each other without anyone knowing what we were saying. He liked using stuff like that because he knew I was a sucker for this kind of stuff." As they watched, you put the numbers from the note on one line, and your alphabet in a line below that. The computer matched them up and generated a message that read:

'Why was the princess locked in a wine cellar? So then she could spend her days planning an escape. But the grandfather clock kept ticking, and when she sobered up, she soon realized it was all a lie.'

"Who knew we had two geniuses in our pockets!" said Garcia, who you switched spots with so she could put it together in her file.

"Not a genius, just gullible." You said, trying your best to sound ok. Spencer could tell, however, that you weren't. You pulled your sleeves down so then your hands were covered before crossing your arms over your chest. You looked down to the floor, staring down into space. Was this starting to get too much for you? The more you figured out, the closer you were to getting him. Sure, he wasn't a good friend to you in the slightest, but what if it got bad? What if he had to be shot at?

"You ok, bubs?" He whispered to you, but you didn't hear him. Your mind kept building up your worries, making you shake a little bit. You felt like you were about to explode until you felt someone grabbing your hands, making you look up and see Spencer looking worried.

You grabbed his hand and gave a half smile. "I'm ok." You said, giving you a half smile in return. He understood you were trying to be strong, but didn't like seeing you in so much stress. He wished he could hold you tight while laying on the couch and make you feel safe. He wanted to protect you from whatever was going to happen, protect you from Michael. Even though he was of course going to let you do your job if Hotch allowed, he wasn't going to not do anything if the chance came.

"Ok, looking at this there is one obvious clue," said Garcia after a few moments of silence, "like how the princess is you, but I'm stumped on the rest."

You looked at the first sentence again, trying to put something together. "Garcia, are there any abandoned restaurants in D.C. that would have a wine cellar?"

She looked through her database and came across one that was surprisingly down the street from your apartment. "It was just recently closed down about 6 months ago and it's expected to be demolished two days from now." said Garcia. With this info, you ran with it and took it to Hotch, who gave his orders to the team before calling in backup. You walked to the cars with your vest on and gun ready, thinking you were going to go on the field with them until Hotch walked up to you as you were about to get in one of the cars.

"Y/N, I need you to step back only a little bit. You are going out on the field but only to talk to Michael. In no way are you going to fire at him if it does come to it, understand?"

You nodded. "I understand. I wouldn't want to shoot him even if I had to. He deserves to be locked up, not killed."

Hotch nodded as he put a hand on your shoulder, patting it a few times as he walked off to the other car. You sat next to Emily in the back while Morgan and Spencer sat up front. A ride that took only 10 minutes felt like hours, as the nerves in your stomach grew and grew the closer you got. For a split second, you almost got mad at Morgan because you thought he was taking his sweet time driving, which wasn't like him at all-or really any agent for that matter. You weren't really ready to see Michael again, especially in a situation like this. Graduating high school, you remember giving a big middle finger to the building before you got in your dad's truck. Not only was it generally to the school, but also to its students, including Michael. You thought you'd never see him or anyone from your class ever again.

What would he be like? Would he be completely different and act as any other unsub would, or would he be himself? Michael, who used his charm to get what he wanted out of you. The one who would pretend to be nice to you around certain people and then turn into a douchebag around others. What would he do this time? Would he even try to do anything at all? There was more to the note that you didn't even touch on, which usually isn't like them. Maybe they just wanted to get the bastard as fast as they could, but the last part, 'But the grandfather clock kept ticking, and when she sobered up, she realized it was all a lie'.

What was the lie?

~~~

The building was deteriorating bit by bit, ripping away all its history. According to the file on your phone, this restaurant was a family business for almost 100 years and they were getting ready to build a whole new, more modern take on the place before it completely crumbled to the ground. There were apartments above it, where the whole family lived. This was the perfect spot for Michael to hide-old, broken, and so weak that one touch could be dangerous.

Getting out of the cars, you gathered with swat in front of the building and began coming up with a strategy. Spencer held your hand tightly and kissed the top of your forehead before separating. You were with Hotch and Rossi while Spencer was with Jj and Emily and Morgan with swat. You carefully entered the front, as the door was already unlocked. Immediately you knew this was a trap and you hoped that the rest of the team knew that, too.

Flipping the switch to see that the electricity was still working, you checked all over the bottom floor from the dining area to the kitchen. Nothing seemed out of place, nothing looked like an obvious clue. Everything was clear, but before you could get upstairs the lights went off and everything became a blur. You heard gunshots, yelling coming from everyone around you. Then you heard an even louder scream, lower in tone but very familiar, and the panic began to set in.

"Spencer?" You called out.

Silence.

The lights shortly came back on and everyone gathered in the dining area again. You looked everywhere for him, but you thought you were just too frantic that your brain wasn't working right. Bumping into someone, you thought it was Spencer but instead when the person turned around and saw that it was Rossi, you broke. Without even thinking, you wrapped your arms around him, crying on his shoulder. Rossi held on tightly to you, not knowing why until he heard you whisper Spencer's name repeatedly.

"HOTCH," yelled Morgan as he came out of the kitchen, "Where's Spencer?"

"He wasn't with you?" asked Hotch.

"He was until the lights came back on. I thought he went to Y/N."

'Michael didn't," you thought, '...Michael couldn't have.'

#spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fan fiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #cm #criminal minds angst

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angst-fairygodmother · 3 years

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Taken Care Of (Derek x Reader)

A/N: I love a sick fic. It’s good, low-stakes hurt/comfort style fluff. The title was originally “Is it really love if he’s never seen you shoot snot rockets?” but since there was no actual said rockets, it seemed misleading.

Apparently, also my writing is prophetic because I’m finishing this under feverish duress of some sort of cold (its 81 degrees, I’m wearing a hoodie, and I'm freezing. This is bullshit.)

Word Count: 2437

Rating: G - descriptions of illness (mostly pain, dizziness), crying and self-deprecation

For what will soon become obvious reasons, this is set pre-movie.

“Derek? What are you doing here?” you asked, crossing the school lobby quickly to greet him, your friends trailing behind a little slowly.

“Hey Baby Girl,” he said with a grin. “You've been so busy, I feel like I don't ever see you. I missed you,” he gave you that pout he was frustratingly good at, the one that made you melt like butter no matter what else was going on, as he laced his fingers between yours.

“So you decided to visit me at school?” As glad as you were to see him, part of you wished he hadn’t just shown up. This hadn’t been how you planned for him to be added to this part of your life, and it wasn’t exactly good timing.

“I thought we could get lunch? I didn't know you'd be hangin out with your friends. Don't let me interrupt.”

His words nudged you, and you hastily made introductions.

“Oh, so you're the mysterious Derek. I always knew Y/N had good taste,” Alli hummed, looking over him with a flirtatious hunger.

You felt your stomach clench at the look she gave him. It wasn’t quite jealousy, trusting him far too much for concern to ever cross your mind, but something like fear settled over you. Or maybe it was just the nausea you’d felt all week, you tried to tell yourself. Derek seemed to sense the tension you held in every part of your body, and gave your hand an affirming squeeze.

“I don't know about mysterious,” he chuckled, “Y/N reads me like an open book.”

Jen laughed. “Perfect answer,” she slung an arm over your shoulder with a grin. “I like him. Definitely approve.”

“Ladies,” Alexi said, interrupting on their way past. “As curious as we all are to meet and drool over the boy Y/N’s been keeping to herself, let her have him to herself.”

They hooked their arms through the other two’s elbows who planted their feet and refused to be dragged away. You couldn’t help but laugh at your friends' antics, as tired and slightly embarrassed as you were. Derek was grinning at them, still holding your hand and keeping you tucked against him.

“Wait wait,” Jen protested. “Y/N. You’re taking him to Aida’s right? You have to.”

“I don’t know…” the smirk on Alli’s face continued to roil your stomach. “I’d just take him home.”

“What’s Aida’s?” Derek asked, hiding his face in your hair, surprising you that he was actually embarrassed by your friends’ comments.

“Only the best food ever,” Alexi answered with a smile. “Y/N can tell you all about it on the way. Just do that cute thing and share a milkshake with two straws, or I’ll hunt you. Byyyye.”

Giving up on pulling the others, they decided to push you two out the doors instead. Rather than dealing with more of their nonsense, you let yourselves leave, and stopped just out of range.

“Aida’s is a place around the corner. Cheap. Definitely knows how to cater to the student crowd. Good food, pretty amazing milkshakes. And coffee has unlimited free refills in a two hour window.”

“Sounds great. I wanted to take you to lunch. Do you want to?”

“It’s no big deal,” you shrugged. “I go there all the time. We should do something special, since you came all this way.”

“Y/N. You know I don’t care about that. I’m happy anywhere you decide. Besides,” he leaned closer to purr in your ear, words like honey sending a shiver down your spine, “I want to know all your places.”

“You’re terrible. Maybe another time. It’s a longer walk but...I’m feeling ramen?”

“Lead the way.”

You felt your steps dragging as you and Derek walked, trying your best to hide it from your boyfriend. Your lungs burned despite the walk normally being well within manageable, and several times you stumbled, doing your best to stay upright in the wake of a wave of exhaustion.

“I know you wanted to get lunch,” you said suddenly, pausing, “but can't we just get to-go and go back to my place? I’m pretty tired, and I really don't…I was just hoping for a nap before work tonight.”

He caught your hesitation and frowned. “Baby, what's wrong?”

“Nothing. I just...haven't been feeling myself for a couple of days. It's been a hard semester, that's all. The walk’s making it hit me a little.”

Derek stopped, turning to face you, eyes tracing over your face. No doubt he was taking in the deep, almost bruise-colored bags under your eyes that were only sort of hidden by your makeup. Or maybe it was the glossy sheen behind them. Once he had spotted one, the other signs started to jump at him: your fever-flushed cheeks and discolored skin, your dry, cracked lips, the slump of your shoulders, even your unusually loose and ill-fitted clothing.

You watched his jaw working as he struggled to contain whatever thought was on the tip of his tongue.

“Go ahead and say it,” you said with a sigh, throat burning with the exaggerated airflow.

“Say what?”

“Whatever you’re holding back.”

“Baby girl, you look awful,” his tone was flat and his face apologetic.

You tried to laugh, but it came out in more of a wet cough that made you wince, partially from the feeling, but mostly from the look he now wore.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

“I’m not. It’s just a little cold,” you protested, the argument weakened by another coughing fit, this one hitting harder and leaving you wheezing. The fit, or the way you swayed, dizzy and unsteady as the blood rushed back out of your head when it was over, seemed to be the last straw.

“That’s it,” he said, tone serious and sharp. “We’re going to my mom’s and she and I are gonna take care of you.”

“But--”

“Nope. You lost your protest privileges.” He was already steering you back in the opposite direction of where you were headed. “You can call Nino and tell him you won’t be in while I drive.”

“I don’t want to rob you of lunch,” you tried to fight anyway, voice weak and throat raw.

“I’ll eat somethin at home. I can’t believe you’re still tryin to...” he shook his head, muttering fondly about stubborn Irish pains in the ass.

After begrudgingly making the call to Nino, who sounded shocked but completely forgiving, you decided on one last ditch effort to escape admitting to and dealing with being sick.

‘Help I’m being held hostage!’ you texted Sean.

His response came only a moment later. ‘What??????!’

‘Your stupid bestfriend is making me admit I’m sick and keeping me from going to work.’

‘He’ A second text came through a moment later. ‘Good.’

‘WHAT? You’re my cousin, you’re supposed to be on my side. Rescue me. Before he sics his mother on me.’

There was a long pause, more than you thought Sean should need to respond. When the message finally came through, you couldn’t help glaring at the screen.

‘I’d rather fight an actual bear than Ma Sandoval.’

‘Ah. So you’re in on it. I see how it is. Your betrayal will not be forgotten.’

‘Feel better soon.’ He added a smile to the end, and you could practically see it as his signature smirk.

‘I hate you.’

You sighed, shoving your phone back in your pocket and slumped down in the seat. You closed your eyes, hoping that it would combat the movement of the car and the effect it was having on your headache. You were frustrated at Derek for making you admit something was wrong (even though you knew really that he was right to) and at the fact that it seemed like the minute you admitted it, the symptoms seemed to get immediately worse.

The next thing you knew, you were stirred from a light doze by a change in movement. Instead of the steady, rocking vibration of the car and the smooth, cool feeling of the glass under your cheek, you were pressed close against something warm and solid, bobbing in a more natural, if uneven, rhythm. Your mind was sluggish but after a moment, and a soft, familiar chuckle as you buried your face into him to escape the sun in your eyes, you realized that it was because Derek was carrying you, bridal-style across the lawn and into his house.

You suppressed an involuntary whine and the urge to cling to him as he settled you down in his bed. Heavy blankets that smelled like him were pulled up around your shoulders, the sudden warmth making you realize how cold you’d been.

“Not sick my ass,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your hairline. “Get some sleep baby girl.”

The door clicked quietly behind him and you let the comfortable darkness pull you back under.

Some unknown time later, there was a knock that pulled you out of strange, feverish dreams and you croaked something that you hoped sounded like come in, squinting against the light that poured through behind the person.

“Y/N, you should wake up for a little while,” Derek’s mother said, flicking on a bedside lamp. “I made you soup.”

You pushed yourself up into a seated position and smiled gratefully at her. “Thank you Mrs. Sandoval.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, you are dating my son, you at least call me Ma. Just like everyone else.”

“Sorry,” you looked down bashfully, the word tasting foreign in your mouth. “Ma.”

“Why are you not taking care of yourself?” she tutted as she set the bowl down and sat on the edge of the bed. “You are so busy trying to be able to be a fancy lawyer and change the world but you can’t do that if you drop dead. And of a little cold?”

“I--”

“And you made Derek worry.” She placed a wrist against your forehead to check your temperature. “He’s going to fret over you forever, now. It’s how he shows his love. I hurt my back a few years ago, and still he is ‘Mami you shouldn’t reach so high, Mami let me get that for you, Mami don’t carry so many heavy groceries.’ Imagine when you have children. They won’t be able to scrape a knee. If your doctor doesn’t put you on bed rest, he will.”

Her words made you choke on the food you had just sipped into your mouth, sending you into a coughing fit that left you short of breath.

“See, you wouldn’t be doing that if you said you were sick to begin with.”

“I just...thought if I took some cold medicine, it would go away on its own. I’ve been so busy. And I didn’t...want anyone to worry, or think anyone would care?” you admitted sheepishly, looking down at the soup in your lap and the blanket over your legs and trying not to think too hard about what you were telling her.

“Mija, look at me,” she said firmly but kindly. When you didn’t follow her instruction, she used a hand to tilt your head up. “You have family now. You don’t have to do everything alone. Now eat your soup.”

The sentiment, and the matter-of-fact way she delivered it, broke down a dam inside you, and suddenly you were crying, and she was hugging you, rubbing small circles on your back with one hand while the other cradled your head against her. You wanted to attribute your overwhelmed feelings to being sick, but in your heart you knew: it was a kind of acceptance and love that you had never expected, especially from someone who didn’t even have to like you.

After sitting like that for several long minutes, letting you sob and offering you comfort, she shifted back to nurse-mode.

“You need more fluids, not letting them all out through your eyes. Eat your soup, and I’ll go make you tea,” she said, nudging you back to rest against the headboard and standing.

You laughed wetly and tried again to thank her, only to have it waved away.

“How is she?” Derek asked, almost as soon as he walked through the door a few hours later.

His mother laughed, shaking her head wryly. “She will survive. Just needs to rest for a few days. It’s a cold.”

“That’s like asking the tide to take a few days off,” he chuckled, until his mother fixed him with a glare.

“Maybe if you told her the truth about how you felt, and she didn’t feel like she was on her own trying to be everything, she would.”

“Ma that’s not--”

“Derek Michael Sandoval, do not argue with me,” she crossed her arms over her chest. “You have been telling me for weeks now how much you love this girl, and it is obvious to a blind saint. Yet she is sick and doesn’t tell anyone because she thinks it would be a burden no one would want. Now what would give her that idea?”

Derek felt his stomach twist guiltily. It was true that he hadn’t told you he loved you, even though he was completely certain he did. But he thought it was for your benefit, to not scare you off by pushing too hard. He had never considered that it might be making things worse. He opened his mouth, looking for an answer to give his mother and found that he couldn’t get any words out. Instead, he just looked at her helplessly.

She rolled her eyes. “You are both so stupid.”

You were fast asleep when he slipped through the door, and as he got ready for bed as quietly as possible, he kept finding himself stopping to look down at you. You were burrowed deep in the blankets, wrapped in one of his hoodies in addition as the fever made you shiver. You looked so small and fragile and vulnerable there in his bed, and his chest ached with a need to protect you, a desire for taking care of you and loving to be his entire purpose in life for the rest of his life and it nearly knocked him on his ass.

As he slid under the covers beside you, you seemed to cuddle closer instinctively, and he wrapped his arms around you.

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your hair. “And I know you can’t hear me right now, but baby girl, I promise, I’m gonna make sure you know, soon.”

#it wouldn't be me if it wasn't a little angsty #but mostly it's cute I think?#and more than a little cheesy #also guest starring Ma Sandoval because Moms make everything better #sick fic #Derek Sandoval x reader #Bad Samaritan fic #this ended up in a different direction than I intended but one I really like #I'm gonna go die now. goodnight #(coincidentally posted on Carlito's and thus Derek's birthday)#so that's fun

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popwasabi · 3 years

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“End of Evangelion” and the tempting nature of oblivion

(TW: Suicide, Self-harm, Pain, Depression, Mental Health, Death)

“End of Evangelion” is a perplexing movie to say the least.

Not that the original classic anime “Neon Genesis Evangelion” series ends on exactly the most conclusive note itself, but “End” takes everything that transpired in the series and literally destroys it.

The films ends with Earth experiencing the long foreshadowed Third Impact and all of the planet returning to the primordial “soup,” as fans call it, with its main protagonist Shinji Ikari and comrade Asuka Langley Soryu as the only remaining humans left. A pseudo, twisted rebeginning of Adam and Eve’s Genesis.

The film is fairly divisive among the fans to say the least. Some fans consider it a masterpiece for its nihilistic tone and mind-bending illustrations of body horror and others despised it for being too dark and confusing with no clear explanation of anything that happened in the film’s events. Hell, even the movie’s fans have a difficult time explaining what exactly happens in the narrative.

I was somewhat in the middle with it after I watched it the first time not super long ago. It was certainly abstract, and I like plenty of stories that don’t make it easy for me to understand. The animation is definitely the franchise’s best and I enjoyed the character moments between Shinji, Asuka, and Misato. But it was also, as stated before, dreadfully confusing and still to this day hard to makes heads or tails out of with its plot.

But, as with more than a few movies I have revisited this year, 2020 helped me contextualize one aspect I think the story is concretely trying to get across.

(We’ll save discussion of “Rebuild” for another day...)

At my lowest points not long ago, I had this frequent vision that would crawl across my mind.

I imagined being up in the clouds on a beautiful sunny day, but I wasn’t floating or flying. I was plummeting, falling like a bird without wings at a speed that would definitely kill me once I got to the ground. But I never imagined actually hitting the Earth like a meat-bagged, human sized asteroid. I only ever imagined the falling part. The wind reaching a terminal velocity and the air rushing past my body and you know what look I had on my face?

Happiness.

I was confused a bit by why I kept imagining this moribund fall into oblivion over and over again. I wasn’t suicidal, though I certainly have had thoughts of self-harm plenty of times before and general detachment from life. But why the fuck was I so happy? I’m about to die after all!

What I have come to realize in recent years, as I’ve developed a better understanding of my mental health and what makes me tick, it wasn’t that I wanted to die so much as I wanted the freedom that comes moments before it. The feeling of finally letting go and letting fate/gravity do the rest.

Years of my life failing at various aspects of societal expectations and career obligations from not being able to get the girls I wanted to date so badly, relationships ending poorly, not quite applying myself the way I should’ve in college, and working a plethora of unfulfilling jobs since graduation made me yearn for that release. Just that feeling of saying “fuck it all” and giving in to the void.

I wanted to stop feeling out of control. The way the world is structured often feels like you are on a wild, rapid river flowing in one very stark direction but you desperately want to go the other way. You keep fighting and fighting it and realize after a while you are just swimming in place, you tire out and either float where the river wants you to go or you drown. I wanted neither of those things, I just wanted control and unfortunately part of life is accepting that a very large percentage of it is beyond your power to alter.

2020 made this feeling starkly apparent once again as we were hit with a once in a lifetime global pandemic that has killed 2.21 million people and counting. As common people struggle to find ways to handle the loss of loved ones and the fallout from economic instability those tasked with protecting us have more or less ignored the cries of needy. Hell, they’re fucking miffed that we would even have the audacity to ask for $2000 of our own fucking tax dollars to put a band-aid on the situation. Combine this with an extremely volatile two-party system and late stage capitalism, we are about as out of control as ever in terms of how much we actually can course correct our destinies in a period like this.

It is why so many irony-pilled millennials and gen z-ers are posting dank memes about meteors colliding with the earth over the course of the year. We’ve lived through two recessions, two forever wars, and now a pandemic in our lifetimes while paying off our crippling debt with slave wages and yet boomers still wonder why we are near universally depressed as a generation.

(Seriously, everybody needs a fucking therapist right now...and also to dismantle the fucking system that’s making us depressed!)

This is what I feel is the real heart of “End of Evangelion.” The movie is a lot of things, obviously, but, after the events of this year and looking back on the more depressing parts of my life, I feel this film is about the tempting nature of oblivion. Giving up when things are clearly beyond your control so you can get that sweet but twisted, fleeting sense of freedom from it all.

Director Hideaki Anno didn’t feel too entirely different about the state of life when he made this series and certainly by the time he made “End” he was in a very dark place.

So, quick history lesson, “Neon Genesis Evangelion” debuted in 1994 and quickly became a classic among fans of anime and the giant mech vs monster genre. Critics loved it for its exploration of mental health and depression and of course plenty enjoyed the hell out of it for its giant monster/robot escapism as well. Fast forward to the conclusion of the series, critics and fans especially are far more polarized. I won’t try to explain exactly what happens in the ending and frankly I don’t think anyone can, but that confusion led to quite a bit of outcry by the fans.

Hideaki Anno, the series’ director, received tons of hate mail and death threats following the series conclusion. The fans hated how abstract it was, how it had an undecisive ending and chose to dive into the mind of Shinji instead of conclusively describing the events of the Third Impact with plenty going as far as to say he had “ruined” his own series for them. This made him unfortunately quite depressed himself over the ending he felt creatively fairly content with.

(I think it should be clear who Shinji is mostly likely a stand-in for in this anime...)

The fan reaction was toxic to say the least and all too familiar for many creatives who didn’t adequately satisfy the insatiable vapid needs of their fandom. Anno did not take this well to put it lightly. A man who was known as a delinquent in high school and expelled from the Osaka University of Arts much earlier in his life, and dealt plenty with his own bouts of depression, Anno had plenty of his own demons to sort out and quite clearly wanted to explore that mental state in “Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

I’ll be honest and say that I myself was not fond of the ending either when I watched it the first time as a freshman in college, and even went as far as to describe it as everything that was wrong with anime to friends in the years that followed for a while. I felt it was confusing and “fake deep,” existential for no reason other than because it just wanted to and people were “dumb” if they liked it.

When I rewatched it again as a much older adult when it came on Netflix last year, I found it much more fascinating and interesting. A sort of abstract introspective into the mind of a troubled teenager, who I had written off many years prior as a “whiny baby.” Though I wouldn’t say I completely understand it still, I get it much more now and I think it has a lot to say about depression and mental health.

Unfortunately, most fans did not have that reaction back then and as a result Anno made his true conclusion “End of Evangelion” as a response to that negativity.

(You’re welcome, nerds.)

As mentioned before, “End of Evangelion” is an extremely nihilistic film that seems to one up each dark moment as you traverse its spiraling narrative. It’s a film where things never get better. If you go into it blind expecting that big last minute heroic save the day moment, it’s always teased and never comes. Things just end very badly for everyone. Nobody gets a “happy ending.”

While the ending to the original series is strange for sure, it does end on a light note that can be interpreted in a number of different ways but ultimately positive. With the way fans reacted to it Anno decided to write a big “fuck you” to them by, in many ways, smashing his toys so no one could play with them again. He even went as far as to splice in the actual hate mail he received into the movie to quite clearly show to the audience, as their favorite characters met their grissly ends, that this was their fault.

(“Gee, I wonder what that was all about.” ~ a fan walking out of the theater back in 1997.)

In a way though, Anno created something strangely beautiful from that reaction. “End of Evangelion” is about giving up in some ways and accepting our inevitable doom. There are no easy answers, no workable solutions to achieve a happy ending because sometimes in life there isn’t one. Despite last ditch efforts by Misato, Shinji, and the crew of NERV the world still ends through the Third Impact. But tonally it’s not quite pessimistic; it’s actually positive, in a very twisted sense of course.

Set to the song “Komm Susser Tod” by ARIANNE, the film’s apocalypse can almost be described as a celebration. With people “popping” and turning into the primordial soup they all largely have smiles on their faces as they kind of get what they want whether it’s a desire to reunite with loved ones, to be with people they have crushes on, or happiness that they have sought for so long in the embrace of others. Everyone’s depressed! But now they are happy because it’s finally all over, they don’t have to give a shit anymore.

As the planet lights up like a Christmas tree, there are images of suicide and death that rapidly cross the screen in the form of the Angel’s final transformation but again, nobody is truly sad about it. They all have some kind of twisted smile or joy that they get from it. It’s a shocking film, if you’re not already prepared for what’s going to happen, and provocative to say the least.

youtube

(Can’t decide if I recommend watching this high or not...)

I had no idea what any of it meant at the time when I watched it several years ago (I watched it well after I had seen the original series), and to be fair there are many ways fans have interpreted what exactly took place in the film and have debated endlessly on its meaning for decades now. But at least in my interpretation, after everything we’ve been through this year, “End of Evangelion” to me is about the sweet release of not giving a fuck anymore.

Whether it’s about Anno feeling that way about his own life or the expectations of his fans or both, the film quite clearly doesn’t care about what people may or may not have wanted for Shinji and the NGE characters and is perfectly fine with the way it all comes “tumbling down.”

(He just wants to be with his boyfriend, guys.)

This past July 4th, city fireworks shows were prohibited in my area because they wanted to limit mass gatherings due to COVID but this didn’t stop people from buying plenty of their own to fire off. In what amounted to a collective “fuck you” to everything and 2020, beginning pretty much exactly at dusk people started firing off their at home lightshows like they were mortar gunners in World War I and did not let up until well past midnight. The entire Southern California night sky was lit up not to unlike the thousands of crosses that filled the screen during the Third Impact of “End of Evangelion” and though it could certainly be interpreted as a moment of people patriotically going “Yea, America!” that night, my head canon was much different. It felt like tens of thousands of people across the region just saying “Fuck it” into the night sky at everything; COVID, our horrendous government, police violence, pending World Wars, environmental disaster, and our collective impending doom from it all.

As these fireworks hit their zenith around 9pm I broke out my phone and started playing “Komm Susser Tod” from the movie and it felt perfect. Everyone just wanted to feel that freedom in the moment, that freedom of not giving a damn anymore. To be removed from expectations, from control, from hatred, from pain and it was kind of beautiful in a sick way.

And that’s what “End of Evangelion” feels like to me now; kind of beautiful in a sick way.

(Not saying the LA skyline looked like this exactly but it felt like it haha...)

There are still many ways to interpret Hideaki Anno’s cult classic, and it’s part of its charm but I think the take away fans should have is definitely not that suicide is ok but that we get it. We understand why people have those feelings and why it feels freeing to desire the void and oblivion. It’s a pity that the series most toxic fans didn’t get that clue through the original finale but Anno, not a person who likes being shoved around, clearly created perhaps the most twistedly beautiful “fuck you” to that in anime history.

As we enter 2021 all I can say is it’s ok to feel like this, it’s ok to desire freedom from the relentless gloom and doom of the world and people’s prying expectations of what they think you “should” be. No one blames you. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to survive the apocalypse we have zero control over, so the least we can do is be a bit nicer and considerate of one another.

At least it’ll make the Third Impact more pleasant whenever it eventually comes...

Happy New Year, everyone!

Congratulations on surviving 2020! Have fun in 2021...

#neon genesis evangelion #end of evangelion #evangelion #hideaki anno #anime #japan #90s #vintage anime #2020 #apocalypse #covid #mental health #depression #sadness #horror #shinji #covid19 #quarantine

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alienisticxo · 3 years

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X Angel - (Elon Musk x Reader) Chapter One

Hi there! I’m Dream and I’m new to posting fanfiction to Tumblr. I’ve currently been pining away for Elon Musk (why am I so strange?!) and this odd little story has been trapped in my head for a little while. I’m only posting this little prelude excerpt, so if anyone out there wants me to continue it, let me know or I won’t post the rest otherwise. This is also very obviously inspired by Cyberpunk a bit as well, and it's a super mega alternate universe kind of sci-fi story. Also a reader-insert / first person POV. (So really just wow a whole mess).

If you do happen to decide to read the shit that spews from my imagination, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: None... yet.

Saturn’s effervescent rings hung like a million tiny, shimmering diamonds in the atmosphere behind a sprawling city skyline. Neon buzzed along the metallic buildings, bright hues of hot pink and electric blue casting an endless glow of variant shades against the night air and all who inhabited the city beneath the lights. Planet X was fairly new in the grand scheme of things, discovered by NASA years before they publicly announced it. During the lengthy stretch of time between their findings and the grand announcement, they focused purely on colonization. While the entire planet had not yet been inhabited, the metropolis they built from the atmosphere down and then the ground up quickly became a booming, cyberpunk inspired dream by 2024. The planet itself was as large as Earth, or maybe small, depending on who you asked, and if you were lucky enough to step foot on the new ground for yourself, you had it all.

See, things had changed back on Earth. So much so, it was now only a nostalgic destination to those who were forced to return to its remnants for some form of business, or a vast, broken society far beyond how it had already been to those who could never escape.

The unfortunate part was that not many were able to escape compared to Earth’s population.

As cautioned for years, mother nature began to reclaim the land with no help from her careless inhabitants. Natural disasters and technological meltdowns were imminent— with much thanks to the major technology boom that took artificial intelligence from labs and computers and introduced it into the human population. Earth was now akin to a desolate wasteland save for any major cities which had already been crumbling long before the final blow. People woke up everyday just to survive until they didn’t anymore. They had nothing much to hold on to but the dream of seeing Planet X for themselves, and not just in news casts or online. Earth was stuck in what very quickly became the past to those who no longer inhabited it. People who were billionaires and celebrities still remained, most of them boasting that it was by choice in some form of protest against giving up on the land.

Everyone was left with their own ruins, but life continued in such a declining state, whether they wished it would or not.

Planet X, however, otherwise known as just X, was now the hot new place to be. While most everyday humans still remained on Earth, the elite, the fortuitous, and freshly built A.I. lifeforms lived there. Despite the glitz and glamor of the main circles that people dreamt of belonging to in the main metropolis, the rest of the planet was a far cry from established. Those who were able to make it by the skin of their teeth, but not of the wealthy or powerful, ruled the rest of the newly conquered world. Gangs were prevalent and cryptocurrency exchanged hands that it shouldn’t for things no one spoke of. The outskirts of major cities were riddled with crime and people who held a passionate disdain for the corruption the higher-ups of X indulged in like candy.

A.I. creations ran rampant, cybernetic figureheads graced holographic magazine covers and television screens. Man made pop stars and film icons required little to no attention to keep happy, but were programmed to want it all in order to keep the public inspired and working for the coin, just as your average Hollywood celebrity might. Because of this, they were showered with luxuries and opportunities that made the lower class outliers sick to their stomachs, thus causing them to vow to bring down the hierarchy if it was the last thing they did. The individuals that couldn’t stand these cybernetic beings' lack of empathy for humanity fought against them, and in turn, the big-wigs played dirty to see that things worked in their favor at every turn.

In this grand metropolis of Drax City, where I also lived, the famous and infamous alike resided like royalty beyond comprehension, crypto that ‘normal people’ could never afford being passed around like penny candy in order to meet the petty whims that kept the A.I. stars working and hungry for more. There were truly no consequences to denying them, but they gave it up all the same. You see, humans didn’t become famous on X once executives realized how much easier it was to work with artificial intelligence. If you had a dream on Earth, and managed to find yourself in this new world to make it happen, you ended up tossing it into the fire with everyone else who’d made the venture before you. If a human was lucky enough, they worked for the stars. But they’d never become one.

Humans were simply too demanding and extremely disposable.

However, there were still average people of sorts, both cybernetic and human. They filled in the gaps in between. They held jobs and went to school, they owned shops and were complacent with their lower class lives. Most were just thankful to be away from Earth and the ruin it’d become outside of its own major cities, where people in power that stayed behind in an effort to figure out some last ditch plan to reverse the mess they’d made of the planet still roamed like infamous gods. Despised by the lower class; adored by the ones who felt they could still salvage the only home they knew.

Still, they tried their best on Earth. The entertainment business and corporations were still up and running, new celebrities were being ‘discovered’ every day on the streets in hopes of one or two truly catching fire enough to bring up the revenue of whoever’s contract they ‘signed.’ Earth was running out of options once they banned the use of A.I. the best they could. It was still very prevalent in some areas that could no longer be controlled, but they’d set themselves back decades in comparison to X by doing so.

But as the saying goes, the show must go on and money must be made. Regardless of how life had so drastically changed for everyone between the two planets, super stars were still the quickest way to influence the weak and naive minded. Executives and CEO’s knew that all too well.

And so, “eat the rich” was spray painted onto every alley wall, and thieves and hit men were prevalent; sneaking around corners, smiling from grungy doorways on the more dangerous streets around Drax City. Planet X and the beautifully sickening metropolis in it was plucked straight from a movie scene and plopped into the middle of the galaxy in all regards.

But that was the beauty of X.

I thanked the stars every single night that I was one of the lucky ones.

#elon musk #fanfiction #elon musk x reader #spacex #elon musk fanfiction #elon musk imagines #tesla #fanfic #fanfic writer #elon musk fanfic #cyberpunk #cybernetic #x angel #darklydreamingxo #space

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a-cat001 · 3 years

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The Coolest Lion in Daikanyama

“Huuuuuhhhh, I’ll never get through all this paperwork at this rate, aaaahhhh”, Arsalan rolled over onto his side on his desk in exhaustion as he had been hours at work filling out paperwork for the abbey as per requested by Maria. “There has to be something to do other than this” he whined, no sooner than he had spoken, an angel came by his desk with another stack of paperwork causing Arsalan to bury his face into his arms in defeat. “I wish a certain cub would come by, I bet they could make this mundane work more exciting.” he said to himself, his face still planted in his arms. A sudden loud noise made him lift his head back up to see its source, “Come on Maria!”, “No Gabriel, you have responsibilities to attend to here, you can’t go to the party.”. It was Gabriel and Maria with Gabriel trailing behind Maria clinging to her clothes in a pleading fashion “But I got to put on a hit performance at such a party, even MC is going to be there!” Gabriel cried, this caused Arsalan’s ears to perk up at the mention of your name and a party, “What’s this about a party Maria?” the lion asked. “Shinjuku Academy is hosting a large party to celebrate their recent academic success schoolwide” replied Maria, “Yeah and the one thing that a party needs is a show and you know what's even better? A duet collab, it’s just what the people are waiting for!” Gabriel exclaimed indicating she wanted you to perform with her. “Again Gabriel, you have responsibilities to take care of on top of the fact you nearly gave them a heart attack last time you decided to randomly pull them on stage” said Maria, quickly cutting down Gabriel’s hope of performing, “Plus I believe that the party is only for Shinjuku students” she added. Gabriel continued to cling to Maria as she walked off, still whining about attending the party, leaving Arsalan to himself. He soon begin to think to himself about the party, staring at the stacks of paperwork on his desk, feeling more exhausted as he thought about the hours he would spend filling them out, “I’m sure that one break couldn’t hurt, it’ll boost my moral and I’ll be able to finish this paperwork in no time, plus I bet my young cub could use some company at such a rowdy event.” he thought to himself, stroking his chin as a smile came to his face.

It was the night of the party and you meet up with the rest of the summoners before heading down to the main reception “Ooooh I can’t wait to hit the buffet line, I heard Choji prepared all kinds of delicious stuff for the party!” Ryota said as he bounced along, “Hold your horses there bud, you may have to compete with Behemoth on that one” Kengo remarked. “Don’t take me lightly Kengo! All is fair in food and war and I don’t intend to lose, not even to Behemoth!”, Ryota said, “Woah where'd all this seriousness come from?!” Kengo replied. “Isn’t it all is fair in love and war?” Shiro quipped looking puzzled at Ryota’s earlier statement, “Same thing” Ryota replied which made you laugh, “looks like no ones changed” you remark. “Remember we are here to enjoy ourselves, my friends not to fight.” Moritaka said, “There will be plenty of food and games to enjoy for everyone, speaking of which I think I may enjoy myself in a game of frisbee toss while we’re there.” he added his tail wagging at the thought of frisbee. After you arrive at the party some of your friends break off to go enjoy different parts of the party while you go with Ryota to enjoy the buffet table, sampling the delicious array of food that is present until a sudden noise from the crowd in the distance catches your attention. You and Ryota move in to find out what the noise was about, running into Kengo in the process and asking what the was causing the commotion but Kengo simply stared forward with his mouth agape before answering “Uh, who is that?”. You turn in the direction he motions to and your jaw quickly hits the floor at the sight of a large lion transient wearing shades, white high top sneakers, shorts, an unzipped leather hoodie with the sleeves ripped off and a white t-shirt with the words “Lion Pride” written on it. “Hey yo cubs! The coolest lion in Dai- Shinjuku has arrived!” Arsalan roared as he pumped his fist into the air, “That Kengo, is a cry for attention” you sigh. Perhaps you spoke too loud as Arsalan quickly turns to your direction before his face lights up and he runs over to you picking you up off the ground into a massive hug, “greetings young cu- I mean, how’s my main cub!” he shouts, earning you more than a few stares. By the time Arsalan puts you down your face is beet red and you grab Arsalan’s paw to lead him to a less crowded area where you can talk to him, “What are you doing here?”, “What, I’m just here to enjoy the party and see my favorite cub.” he responds. You cross your arms and raise an eyebrow at him to which he breaks his facade ,”Awwww come now, don’t look at me with that face, you know I don’t do well with paperwork.” he whines, you give him a quick boop on the nose before reminding him he can’t just ditch his responsibilities. “This will be a one time instance, besides Maria will have my tail if I return now”, You give a defeated sigh and uncross your arms, “Fine, just try to blend in ok?”, you ask, “Gotcha” he replies, flashing you a smile and a pair of finger guns, “Huuh, ok, also what’s with the outfit?”, “Hmm, I thought this is what the youth of this world normally wear is it not?” he replies. Looking him up and down you chuckle before heading back to the party, you spend most of the party hanging around Arsalan, partially to keep him company and part to watch over him. You and Arsalan play mostly sports games and mingle with the crowd, meeting up with several of your friends and students from your class, with Arsalan “trying” to keep inconspicuous. HIs methods are however, drawing more attention to the two of you, “Hey yo! Nice to meet ya, how’s it hangin”, he would shout or he would shout into crowds, “Come on cubs raise your hands in the air!” and while it definitely got you some puzzled looks you couldn’t help but enjoy his enthusiasm. This continued for a while so you decided to take a break and grab a drink, but as you do a pair of students from another class come up to you with smug grins on their face. “You always tend to attract the freak show don’t you” one of them said, the other behind him chuckling, you give them a glare “What’s it to you what my friends are like” you retort. “Oh it's nothing it just makes sense that someone as weird as your friend would be following you around considering just how weird you are yourself.”, “What’s that supposed to mean?” you reply, now getting tired of the pair's attitude. “Oh come on, you may be the big talk around school but don’t think I haven’t seen the way you really are, crying to yourself, freaking out for no reason, hanging around a bunch of weird transients all the time, you're just like your friend, nothing but hot air.” he says, “I-” you begin but hang your head down at the realization that someone was calling you out on your problems. The pair laugh at your defeat and turn around to leave but are stopped as the first one collides into a large figure that had been listening in on the conversation. “Would you care to repeat yourselves little cubs?” Arsalan says, his face contorted in anger, “Who are you to judge others, especially MC. They have done nothing but devote themselves to others in need, which is why I and many others follow them. They have done more for this Arsalan and many others throughout Tokyo than you two could ever hope to as you are!”. They pairs grinning faces quickly turned to scowls “Why don’t you mind your own business you old poser geezer.” The first one says as they both unseath their sacred artifacts, Arsalan grins through his serious face as he pulls out his own sacred artifact, plunging it into the ground causing oil to spew up.

Back at the abbey, Maria had just received a phone call from the police that an incident had occurred at Shinjuku Academy involving one of their guild members. Upon arriving with Zabaniyya they are shocked to find Arsalan cuffed hand and foot, his head hung low, learning later he had been apprehended after he knocked two of the students unconscious. He was later released to the two after multiple witnesses testified that the students had instigated the fight but was still warned about starting fights especially considering the amount of oil everywhere after the fight. “I can’t believe you snuck out to go to a party Arsalan, you need to be setting an example!” Maria cried, “I know Maria, I deeply apologize for my actions and accept my punishment.”. Maria continued to huff for a minute before she left to talk with the police again about the incident and to apologize to staff, so you decided now would be your chance to talk to the lion. “H-hey thanks for standing up for me back there” you start, the lion perking up at the sight of you, “It was the least this Arsalan could do for you considering all you have done for me.”. You motion for him to lean down to your level to which you plant a quick kiss on his cheek, causing his face to blush deeply as he places his paw on his face where your lips had just been. “You know if you're getting bored at the abbey I could always drop by more often to hang out.” you say, the lion giving a wide smile before replying “Thank you my precious cub, I will be excitedly awaiting your arrival -Owowowow!”, Maria had returned and began to drag Arsalan away by his ear. As he was dragged away he waved at you still smiling wide. Zabaniyya approached you to express his thanks for watching over Arsalan before he leaned down to whisper to you, “I thank you for giving lord Arsalan the quality of time, he truly misses you back at the abbey and enjoys your company,... as do I, we both await your company”. You give Zabaniyya a smile before you decide to tease him a bit “maybe next time we can take you out with us.”, Zabaniyya begins to get flustered for a minute before he settles down to respond “Perhaps we could try something simple, I do not believe I am ready for such an occasion, and if I may request that I not be forced to wear such an attire, please?”.

#Housamo #Arsalan #Give the lion dad some company #We're taking Zabaniyya with us next time

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blueeyedgeorgie · 4 years

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Pregnancy Scare-G.M

Pairing: George Memeulous x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k+

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"Hey guys, I don't even know if George is gonna put this on his channel, but I thought I might as well film it because... I find it funny," Y/n was pacing in George's bathroom as she pointed her iPhone at herself, Y/n had started to film herself. An idea had popped in her head a few days ago. Both George and Y/n had been going steady for quite some time, the discussion of having kids had come up once or twice. Every time they had spoken about kids, George would tell Y/n he wasn't ready for kids at his age and Y/n agreed with him. Y/n didn't want children either, right now she was in the middle of school, getting pregnant would only get in her way of graduating Uni. "I bought a fake pregnancy test, I promise it isn't mine! I don't want kids anytime soon!" Y/n had flashed a small pregnancy test that held two blue marks on it, "I'd ask Alex if I could use his camera, but I don't know how to use it and the whole prank would be ruined if Georgie spotted the camera." Y/n placed down the pregnancy test on the edge of the sink, continuing to speak to her iPhone, "Right now George and Alex have Will and James over to plan some new Eboys content, now don't worry! I've already told Alex that this is all a prank, maybe he'll tell James and Will, maybe he won't. It's really up to him at this point." Y/n hit the red button on her phone, ending the video she had been filming. Snatching up the pregnancy test, Y/n made her way into the kitchen, avoiding speaking to the boys. Once again, Y/n hit the red button on her phone, starting up a new video. Carefully, she had set the phone up, propping it behind a jar in the corner of the kitchen. "Georgie, can you come here?" Y/n bit her lip as she stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching the boys look up at her. "Yeah, of course, N/n," Y/n's blue-eyed boyfriend stood up from his spot, already making his way towards the kitchen entrance. While George stepped into the room, Y/n took a step back, making her way over the kitchen island where the positive pregnancy test had been placed. Carefully, Y/n snatched the test up, hiding it behind her back a George approached her. "What's wrong? You seem nervous," George came closer to his girlfriend, wrapping his arms around her. "I know this might not be the best time, but I feel like the longer I wait the more anxious I become," Y/n let out a shaky breath. "George, promise me you won't get mad." "Y/n? What's wrong?" George only raised a brow, part of him had become worried from Y/n. Why was she asking him to not get upset? Had she done something? Cheat? Reveal his face? "I'm pregnant." The words had hit George like a ton of bricks, he had been filled with a hundred questions. When did Y/n find out? When was the last time they had sex? How far along was she? What were they gonna do? "What?" Only one word could escape George's mouth as his mind raced. "George, I'm sorry," Y/n buried her head into George's chest, George only pulled Y/n closer, his grip on her tightening. "When did you find out? Did you take a test?" "I found out a few days ago, I was morning sick and I just wanted to make sure," just then, Y/n pulled out the test from behind her, handing it to her boyfriend. There was a moment of silence between the couple. "...What are we gonna do?" "I want to keep the baby," Y/n watched as her boyfriend examined the test. As soon as the words left Y/n's lips, his eyes shot up to her. "It's your body, so I'm not going to make you change your mind. I'll support you as best as I can, Y/n," George let out a deep sigh. "George... thank you," Y/n had practically cooed, quickly pressing her lips against her boyfriend's. George gently accepted the kiss. "I'm gonna go use the restroom, I'll be back." As soon as Y/n had exited the kitchen, she made her way past the boys. "Are you doing the thing?" Alex raised a brow at the h/c girl as she passed him. "Yeah," she only gave a nod. "Thing? What thing?" Will raised a brow, looking back and forth from the two. "Can I tell him?" Alex asked Y/n. "As long as these two keep it a secret," Y/n gave a shrug. "Y/n's pulling a prank on George while pretending she's pregnant," Alex whispered loud enough for both James and Will to hear. "That's bloody brilliant," Will grinned, looking over to Y/n. "Props to you, Y/n." "Thank you," Y/n gave up a nod. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make my way to the restroom." "While she does that, I'm gonna go see how our dear blue-eyed boy is holding up," Will grinned, getting up to make his way to the kitchen. George leaned against the island, rubbing his temples. "George? What's going on, mate?" "Y/n's pregnant." "Holy shit," Will let out a breath, acting as though he had actually had been surprised. "Congratulations." "I told Y/n it's her choice about what she wants to do," George mumbled, continuing to rub his temples. "I'm really nervous, Will. I'm only 21, I'm not ready for kids." "Well, what are you gonna do now, Genuis?" "Give me a fucking minute, Will! I'm trying to think!" George snapped. It took Will by surprise, George never really got upset with him (besides the time he broke his red-eyed baby dragon card). "Sorry," George's square-headed friend mumbled. "You and Y/n are a team, I know you two will find some way to get through it." "Thanks, Will," George let out a sigh. "Sorry for snapping at you." "It's fine, I was pushing your buttons," Will gave a shrug. "I'll leave you be." "Could you call Alex in here on your way out?" "Yeah, no problem," Will gave up a small nod before walking out into the living room. "Your turn, Alex." "Oh god, this is gonna be something," Alex let out a sigh as he rose up from the couch. "Wish me luck." "Good luck, mate," Will took Alex's spot on the couch, pulling out his phone. "It seems like you're gonna need it," James bit his lip, readjusting his glasses. Walking into the kitchen, Alex wasn't surprised to see George looking ten times more anxious than he had ever been. "What's going on?" "Y/n's pregnant," George was quick to spit it out. "I know we had plans to stay roommates until we were gonna hit our 30's, but I might have to move out now that Y/n has a kid in her." A frown came to Alex's face, he understood that it was all a prank, but it still hurt to think George would have to move out if Y/n was actually pregnant. "It's... it's alright, George. I understand these things happen. I'll always be here." "Thanks, Alex." "Now, do you want to go and tell James or make him feel left out?" Alex sighed, leaning against the island by his roommate. "Yeah, that's a good idea," George mumbled, standing up straight. He had been slouching for the past few minutes. Walking back into the living room, there was no sign of Y/n. Did pregnant women take this long in the bathroom? Or did she just leave? Maybe she didn't want George to be the father figure of their child, so she had decided to leave before they could continue to talk about their situation. "You look upset? What's up?" James spoke up, pulling George away from his thoughts of Y/n. "I'm not upset, I'm just kind of... anxious?" George trailed off, finishing his sentence off as a question. For some reason, the word upset didn't fit George's feelings, but neither was the word anxious. "Y/n's pregnant." "Well, what's your plan, are you gonna support her?" James immediately began to question his friend. "Of course I'm gonna support her! I'm just not ready for a little George-" "Or Y/n," Alex commented. "Either one, running around! I'm about to turn 22, I'm not ready for the responsibility of another life," George grabbed his hair, yanking at it. "Woah, woah, woah... calm down. If you pull out your hair, you're gonna start going bald by 25," Will snickered. George only let out a groan, letting loose of his hair. "I don't know what I'm gonna do," George let himself fall onto the couch, closing his eyes. "Georgie? You okay?" George opened his eyes as fast as he closed them. Y/n stood there, looking down at him. She held the pregnancy test in her hand. "Hey, Y/n... yeah, I'm okay," George sat up, giving a nod. "George, I gotta show you something," Y/n bit her lip, sitting down next to her boyfriend. "What is it?" George mumbled quietly. Y/n handed the pregnancy test to him, giving him a moment to examine it. There was only one line on this test. "I... I don't understand." "Georgie, I'm not pregnant," Y/ grinned. "It was all a prank." "What?" His mouth fell agape, "I was about to ditch Alex and find somewhere we could raise a kid." "Awe," Y/n cooed, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend. "I was also filming it all." "What?" "Alex, could you grab my phone from the kitchen?" Y/n asked her short friend, keeping her arms wrapped around George. "I'm genuinely upset, I was really going to look for somewhere later today," Y/n's boyfriend shook his head. "I also started filming everything out here on my phone," Will pulled out his own phone, pointing it at the couple. "Guys, you won't be able to see, but George is actually turning red," Y/n giggled, climbing into her boyfriend's lap. "Guys? Are you planning to put this on YouTube or something?" George looked up at his girlfriend as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I thought you might wanna upload this to your second channel or something," Y/n shrugged. "We could start a prank wars with all the boys." "That sounds like a bloody brilliant idea!" Will chirped, keeping his phone pointed at them. "Fine. Alright guys, 200 thousand likes and we'll do a prank wars," George sighed, looking up at Will's phone. "Yes!" Y/n shouted excitedly before lowering her voice back to its original tone, "Georgie, thank you for being up to the task of being a father figure, even at our age. It really means something to me." "Of course, Y/n. I love you," George gave a nod. "Should I keep filming?" "Turn it off already, Will!"

Taglist:

@graysonsbrock

@anyasthoughts

@multifandom-but

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drivingsideways · 4 years

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Based on this excellent post and tags by @frankdelfino, and thanks to @rain-hat yelling in the chat window for twenty minutes, here’s a not-fic outline in the universe where Jo Yeong and Jo Eun-seop are actually brothers.

So here's how this goes. This is RoK verse, monarchies are passé, thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

- Jo Yeong and Eun-seop grow up middle class, and look like peas in a pod, have completely opposing personalities and can generally be trusted to get up to the WORST POSSIBLE SHENANIGANS ever known to a pair of long-suffering parents who've had the temerity to have not one, but two sets of twins. Anyways, Eun-seop is absolutely the one GETTING them into the shenanigans, and Yeong is the one getting them OUT of it, despite the fact that Eun-seop is older by 4 minutes

-Eun-seop loses a year at school when he gets into an accident at 14; a drunk driver, a bicycle, and Yeong just a little too far away to do anything but call the ambulance and hold his brother's hand right until they force him to let go as they rush Eun-seop into surgery. He holds it again, once he's wheeled out, and right upto when he wakes up so he doesn't wake up alone (he hasn't gone home in 48hrs, I'm fine, thanks eomma, you should go home to the babies, they'll be scared without you.). Anyways, Eun-seop wakes up, demands to know whether he'll have a cool scar from the surgery (before he demands to know whether he will be able to walk again) and Yeong's like you're never going to be as cool as me, now shut up and sip this water slowly. Eun-seop recovers, and Yeong's there through every single physio session and taking extra notes in class, and recording videos surreptitiously, so Eun-seop can see how all their classmates are faring and also failing at everything, now that they're in first year of high school. (Yeong would have stayed back a year at school, but Eun-seop forbids it, and uses his Oppa-pass, which he only uses when he's really serious about something, so Yeong has to listen)

- Eun-seop notices that some of his videos begin to feature a rather weird looking dude, who can be seen hanging out with this one girl. Eun-seop knows Tae-eul noona, her dad runs that taekwondo academy two blocks away, right? And there was that one time when Eun-seop was being bullied and Yeong wasn't there that day, and noona had stepped in and scared those assholes away. Anyways, so yeah, he also remembers that there was this other guy with her, who'd also clearly been ready to throw down, if those goobers had put up a fight, but later, he just grabbed noona's hands, checked for injuries, and given Eun-seop some candy that he got out from his bag.

Anyways, so Eun-seop is like why do you have pictures of Tae-eul noona and her weird boyfriend, and Yeong snatches the phone away and mutters, THEY'RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS, in all caps as though he knows anything about life or girls.

Oh my god, Yeongie, he says, you know she's way out of your league right? She's a senior? And like would absolutely beat you to shit, wouldn't need her weirdo bf to do it either-

HE'S NOT HER BOYFRIEND, Yeong says, loudly this time, as loud as the time when Eun-seop had replaced his hair cream with toothpaste and Eun-seop quickly recalibrates and gets it right this time, and he says, hushed, Yeongie, my Yeongie, did you manage to fall for the one dude who'd give you a run for your money in "the person most likely to end up a serial killer" stakes?

He starts cackling so hard that his ribs start to hurt, and then his back, and Yeong (who's run away – RUN AWAY) doesn't come back to help him up. It's alright, Eun-seop will live, and also, he's gonna help his Yeongie get his guy, even if Eun-seop cannot see the attraction, and he thinks this isn’t going to work for many reasons, only one of which is that CLEARLY this dude- Kang Sin Jae, he remembers now- is in love with Tae-eul noona, which, props, anyone might see she absolutely kicks ass.

But the point is, the Jos are fighters, and he's damned if he's going to let Yeong slink away from this one.

The next time he sees Yeongie- two hours later- they all have a bedtime in the Jo house, ok- he's like, fine, I'm sorry, and I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A SINGLE USEFUL THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD, so I got this for you, ok? What do you know about him?

Turns out, Yeongie has a whole folder on him.

Eun-seop's proud of his little stalker baby brother.

Anyways, that's how Yeong learns enough about sound systems so he can turn up for the post when the school band that Kang Sin Jae plays bass guitar for advertises for a sound engineer.

He turns up for the "interview" in his neat trousers, and button-down shirt and Sin Jae says, uh, are you Jo Eun-seop's non-identical twin? Aren't you just a freshman, do you really- and Yeong says, quietly, confidently, I can solve that problem you're having when you play your arrangement of The Wizard and Sin Jae stares at him and mutters, but can you do anything about how only three people turn up to listen, and Yeong tilts his head, and says maybe? Also, Eun-seop and I are identical, just fyi.

Anyways, yeah he fixes the faulty wiring in the speakers at the auditorium, and also gets more than three people to turn up (so what if it's all a bunch of scared looking freshmen? They've all been paid more than enough to bang their heads in time to the music and cheer later.)

But he never does ask Sin Jae out, that entire year, even though these days, Sin Jae smiles when he sees him, and puts an arm around his shoulder sometimes, after a practice, what are you waiting for, Yeongie, did I raise you to be this much of a coward? Eun-seop wails, but Yeong is like, Sin-Jae-ssi would feel awkward at having to refuse me if I did, and he needs a sound engineer more than a boyfriend, and that's fine.

(He needs at least three shirts more, a hair-cut and perhaps better taste in music, Eun-seop thinks, but doesn't say, because he knows Yeongie's fragile like that. Yeongie can take anything anybody says about him, personally, and will brush it off or dole out appropriate punishment, but if someone comes after someone he loves, he'll break the knees of the person and leave them for dead in a ditch. And obviously, he can't do that with Eun-seop, so Eun-seop doesn't say anything, he's a good elder brother.)

- Sin-jae and Tae-eul noona graduate and both of them go off to KNPU, and Eun-seop says, listen, nobody does that if they're not dating, at least. IF NOT ACTUALLY ILLEGALLY MARRIED. Yeongie, please, for the love of god, find a boy who's available. See, here's a list.

But Yeong just shrugs, and says, let me see your homework (because Eun-seop's back in school now) and then proceeds to put red slashes through everything and says, "apply your brains Eun-seop, don't act dumb when you're not". THE AUDACITY.

Yeong never dates anyone through high school, Eun-seop dates a different person every month.

- So Eun-seop is never going to have to serve in active military duty, because of his accident, but Yeong will have to. He's fine with that, and he'd rather do it in these two years, just after school, because that way, it's only really one year when Eun-seop will be at college before him, and that's fair, it evens out Yeong's having to graduate from school first.

-So off he goes, and there he meets Lee Ji-hun, who's an ass, Eun-seop clocks that straight away, born into some goddamn chaeobol family, but for some reason drawn to actual military service, because he has a hero complex. The only good thing he has going for him, as far as Eun-seop can tell, his that he took one look at Yeongie and decided that he was the best boy in the whole universe, and that shows good taste, Eun-seop will be polite to him, fine.

- Of course, the other thing that happens in those two years is that Yeongie gets brainwashed into joining the Navy- it's not brainwashing, Yeong tries to tell him, I get to protect the people I love, the country I love. And of course, Lee Ji-hun, fucking asshole, is just sitting there, nodding along as though any of this was fucking REASONABLE. You could DIE, Eun-seop yells, DO YOU REALIZE THAT. WE'RE STILL AT FUCKING WAR.

Yes, says his stepford-wife brother, womb-sharer, soulmate, exactly.

- Anyways, off Yeong and Jihun go to join not just the Navy, which would be bad enough, but the ROKSWF, that's insane, they're going to die, and what can Eun-seop do then but go join the NIS and immediately get picked for North Korean Affairs by an astute senior officer who listens to Eun-seop goofing around in the canteen on the orientation day and still get everyone to give him their portion of the only decent thing on the menu- the crème brulee- and says, I'm taking that one.

- It's a lot of paperwork and dull as ditches monitoring work at the start, and that's ok, Eun-seop can live with that, it means he gets time with the other twins, who are at a fun age. And that's how Tae-eul noona and Kang Sin Jae re-enter their lives because Eun-bi and Kka-bi are learning taekwondo from Tae-eul's dad. This is also how Eun-seop meets the love of his life and future wife Myeong Na-Ri, and it's ok if she doesn't know it yet, at least Yeongie is not here to see him turn into a complete doofus everytime Na-Ri so much as breathes in his direction.

- Yeongie and Jihun come back on shore leave (AFTER TWO GODDAMN YEARS) and that's when Ji-hun meets Tae-eul and falls like a ton of bricks for her; she manages to keep her sense of balance and also life in order, thanks, she's not going to fall for some floppy haired dude (his hair grows really fast out of its crew cut) who thinks that parallel universes are a thing, even if he has extremely long legs.

Meanwhile Kang Sin Jae has also cleaned up nice, Eun-seop will admit, and he's-he's a genuinely nice dude, ok, even if a bit brusque, and when Eun-seop finds out about eomeonim's gambling problems and that whole story, he's willing to admit that he may have been a tad harsh on Kang Sin-Jae way back when.

Anyways, that's the past, right, Yeongie, I can't imagine what a bunch of men locked in a submarine can possibly do except have orgies, please tell me that's what you've been doing? Please?

"Shut up" hisses Yeong, and then practically jumps out of his chair when Tae-eul noona and Sin Jae come over to their table at Na-ri's coffee shop. Yeong's in his uniform- he was on his way back from some conference thing he'd had to go to despite his leave- so that was the saving grace, because Eun-seop sees the subtle double-take Kang Sin Jae does, because let's face it, his baby brother is the most beautiful, it's true, but then Yeongie is also red in the face and says "toffee" instead of "coffee" as in "Won't you get some toffee, Sin Jae-ssi?" and Sin Jae gives him a blank look while he decodes that, (gay panic, Eun-seop wants to tell him, my brother is a panicked gay, go easy on him), and finally says, uh, I don't think they have that flavor here?

- God, Eun-seop says later, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU, BABY BROTHER. HAVE YOU BEEN IN LOVE WITH THE SAME BOY FROM HIGH SCHOOL? ARE YOU STILL A VIRGIN? (AFFIRMATIVE ON BOTH) and Eun-Seop has FAILED, FAILED, FAILED. Alright, he says, taking a deep breath, how long do you have?

Two weeks, says his stupid fucking brother, and so Eun-seop has to go into EMERGENCY-FUCKING-MODE because he may have to DIE getting it to happen, but his baby brother is GOING TO GET LAID, AND BY THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE, EVERYONE'S FIRST TIME NEEDS TO BE SPECIAL OK, Ji-hun? Ji-hun nods, very seriously, and proceeds to describe his extremely un-special first time, and Eun-seop is like, wow, you probably don't know this, because you've got that puppy face that make people not want to hurt you, but every single woman you've ever slept with has faked an orgasm with you. Well, that discussion gets pretty heated, of course, and also comes to an abrupt end when Tae-eul noona pops in- she's come by to ask if they all wanna hang out and watch a movie this weekend- and look, noona's GREAT, and obviously the first person he needs on his ally list as soon as he makes sure she's not really in love with Sin Jae, because that would be bad.

"Hyungnim?" she says, surprised, when he asks, because Eun-seop knows the best way to get noona to answer anything is to play no games, and she says, "No, why?" and then, suspiciously, "Did that rat Jihun put you up to this?" And he says, absent mindedly, no I was asking 'cause Yeong, and noona yelps, "Jo Yeong can't be in love with me, shit!" and Eun-seop says, what, why, and that's how he finds out that hey, Kang Sin Jae may also have been a little into his idiot brother from way back when. "He was too young" Tae-eul noon confides, "Sin Jae didn't feel right about it, especially when he was graduating that year" and honestly, THIS IS THE SADDEST STORY EUN-SEOP HAS EVER HEARD AND HE'S WATCHED TITANIC FORTY TIMES AND CRIED EACH TIME OK?

- RIGHT. So maybe Eun-Seop and Tae-eul manage to get their idiot friend and brother a little push in the right direction. Well, noona basically goes to Sin Jae and says, for fucks sake, ask the poor boy out, I heard he's still a virgin for you. And Sin Jae goes red in the face, and then green, because omg the PRESSURE, and then red again, and then ultimately does find Yeong one day at the coffee shop alone, as Eun-seop had assured him he would be - (Diligently reading some book? A recipe book? Italian recipes? Sin Jae may have mentioned one day that his favourite cuisine was Italian?)- and there's some part of him that melts, like the cheese on the cover of that recipe book, and he's like, uh, do you, maybe, and then rushed, I know this great Italian place, if you like, and yes, Jo Yeong would like very much.

- Jo Yeong returns to Jinhae Naval Command very much not a virgin, and Jihun returns still single, but undaunted by the task ahead of him; don't worry, Yeong-ah, he says, confidently, I'll wear her down, even if it takes me years, and Yeong knows Jihun, he knows how much of a barnacle he can be, and also it wouldn't be nice of him to shit on other people's happiness just when he's found his own, so he nods and says, yes, of course, and even listens to Jihun rhapsodize about Tae-eul noona's everything for about two hours straight. He texts Eun-seop at the half-way mark- kill me now, please-and Eun-seop is like, what's North Korea there for, then, I told you to dump his ass in the sea. But of course he won't, Jihun and he are ride or die, and it turns out dying is more likely in this case, because right about that time is when North Korea decides that it needs to remind the world that yes, they exist, and yes, the men that rule them are crazy fucks.

- What happens is this: Koo Seo-Ryeong is a brilliant pianist, who's one of the few DPRK citizens who's let out to see the world has disappeared with her mother and sister, while she was on tour in Australia. And look, she did it in Australia, it has nothing to do with RoK, except that Kim Jong-un has decided that it has, because her (estranged) father happened to be one of the top honchos in DPRK military brass, and this was all clearly a conspiracy hatched across the border to get at him and the military secrets he knows.

- Eun-seop is there when the news comes in that there's a Sang-o class submarine in the waters at Jeongdongjin, and he's also there when it turns out, that yes, hello, they were trying to get the Koo family out, and he's also the one that gets a single line text from an unknown number that's the code he made Yeongie swear on everything they held dear that he would send if he was going behind enemy lines. Shit. Shit.Shit.

- OK, I confess, I don't know how this next part goes, reader, because I am not John Le Carre or whoever, and this is still NOT-FIC, BUT SPY THINGS HAPPEN and at the end of the day, Eun-Seop has to choose between saving his brother and letting the Koo family back into the hellhole they'd just managed to extract themselves from, and listen, noona made him listen to Koo Seo-Ryeong's playing ok, and there's- even if she were a shitty musician, even if she were just some rat bastard politician or a fisherwoman- he knows he can't make a choice that is sending her back to her death, and the deaths of everyone she loves. And if he did, and if he did, just to save his womb-brother, his true love, his soulmate, his blood and bone and heart- why, he knows that Yeong would never forgive him, Oppa-pass or no. So he's gotta rescue Yeongie and save the Koo family AND STOP WORLD WAR THREE, good thing he's totally up to the task.

- MORE SPY THINGS HAPPEN AND HE SAVES THE DAY, OK.

- He does, and so this time he gets to be the rescuer, and honestly, this was a big one, and it totally evens out all the 15 million times in their entire lives that Yeong had rescued him, what does Yeongie think? Yeongie thinks he should shut up and let him sleep, and because he's a good oppa, the best oppa, Eun-seop curls around his baby brother in their too narrow bunk bed, just like they did when they were sixteen or ten or five or in the womb, and goes to sleep too.

#the king eternal monarch #blood brothers and soulmates ftw #jo yeong #jo eun-seop

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kaibutsushidousha · 3 years

Text

Cat, Ghost, and Revolution Sunday - Chapter 2: The events from Wednesday (part 7)

[INDEX]

A ghost showed up out of nowhere.

Kei was in bed, with the lights off and his eyes closed, recalling that day's events. Remembering the cat he found, Murase, and a lot more.

While was thinking about the meaning of every piece, he heard someone call his name.

It was a girl's voice. At first, he suspected it was Tomoki's ability. He thought his friend was sending another boisterous message with that annoying ability of his. But he didn't hear Tomoki's voice.

Lacking other options, he opened his eyes. There was a ghost there. A ghost was nonchalantly floating in his unlit room. She was transparent and shaped like Minami Mirai.

(Take a deep breath, Kei. What the heck is going on here? I've never seen a ghost before. I'm honestly at a loss for words. I would scream if I was walking on a silent street, but with this ghost appearing to me so anticlimactically, I can't figure out the exact timing to be surprised.)

What confused him the most was the ghost's behavior. She was scratching her head with a blush and smile.

"Uh, good evening", she said.

(How are you supposed to scare me like that? Oh well, I guess I have to answer.)

"Good evening."

No one spoke for the next few seconds. Kei slowly forced his body to move and sat up.

(Ok, what do I do next? I'm really confused with this ghost I just found.)

"Minami?"

The ghost answered with a nod. This confirmed she was Minami Marai. Much to his chagrin.

Kei's head still wasn't running properly but he forced it to find the right words.

"So?"

One word, two letters. It was the vaguest question possible, but she accurately understood what he was asking.

"I woke up like this. Any idea why?"

"Nope."

(When you think of ghosts, you think of death, but here in Sakurada you don't necessarily need to die to become a ghost. And you probably wouldn't become a ghost from dying anywhere else.)

Kei shook his head.

"I have no idea. Is that an astral projection?"

(Makes sense for an ability like that to exist.)

As far as he knew, Minami didn't have an ability. That meant her ability could potentially awaken at any moment. When an ability awakens varies greatly from person to person. It's rare for it to happen to an adult, but gaining an ability as a high schooler didn't make you all that much of a late bloomer.

"Astral projection? That's a supernatural phenomenon. Awesome."

Minami bounced up and down in excitement. It's strange to say a floating object was bouncing up and down, but there was no other way to describe it.

"Pretty sure that's just an ability."

(Though she'd be right if we're counting every ability in Sakurada as a supernatural phenomenon.)

"My ability?"

"That's the most likely answer. Give me some time to think."

People learn about their own abilities having to try. That said, they don't have any instruction manuals. Just a vague feeling they can do something.

Suppose, for example, that someone had the ability to fly. That person would unconsciously know that they could fly before they tried it for the first time, but they would have no idea how high, how fast, or for how long. They'd continue living their lives without knowing how to take off, until one day they inadvertently start flying. Until they're floating in the air, they can't tell if they really have that ability or if it's just their imagination.

"Have you felt like you could become a ghost", Kei asked.

"I wanted to be one sometimes."

"I see. Anything else you wanted to be?"

"A vampire, a mage, a superhero, anything. I just wanted an ability."

"Any particular favorite among the list?"

"Not really. All options were interesting."

(This could go either way. I'll change the question.)

"What's the first thing you want to do now that you're a ghost?"

"Becoming a rumor, I guess. Like the kuchisake-onna. A rumor that will get kids hyped, hopefully."

"So, are you going to do that now?"

"Hm, I wanna try returning to my human form first."

"You think you can?"

"Nope. I have no idea what's going on. Did you figure anything out?", Minami asked, curious.

Kei answered he didn't. Then he noticed how wrong it was for him to talk to a ghost girl from his bed, so he stood up and turned on the lights.

He sat on his desk's chair. Minami was spinning in the air.

"What are you doing?"

"I can go upside down and my skirt won't turn over. That's convenient."

"Nice."

The people had a duty to report to the Bureau whenever a new ability was discovered. Doing that, the Bureau will follow their manual and deal with any potential problems. Kei decided to report to Tsushima, but before he could do anything, Minami swiftly approached his face.

"Think harder, Asai. What do you think happened to me?"

"Ok. Can you tell what you were doing before you became a ghost?"

"I can't remember. I just woke up like this."

Kei gave off an intrigued sigh. Her losing her memories didn't make much sense under the assumption that her ability was to become a ghost. Abilities have all kinds of restrictions, so this could be that, but there was a real chance that it was an external factor.

"Tell me everything you remember, in order. Do you remember getting out of school?"

"I do. You ditched me."

"So you went to search for the vampire alone?"

"Yeah. I guess I became a ghost because I went to the Ghost Mountain?"

"That could be related, yeah. Did you find the vampire?"

"I can't remember. Everything past me approaching the mountain is a blank."

"What time was it?"

"Not long past 5 PM."

Over 6 hours ago.

"When's your next memory?"

"Not too long ago. About 20 minutes."

"And you already a ghost?"

"Yeah."

Kei traced back his memories. Everything she said about the vampire.

"Years ago, someone collapsed from a vampire attack, was it? Do you know what happened to him?"

(Assuming this person really met a vampire, the same thing could have happened to Minami. If what happened to her is like astral projection, her body should be collapsed somewhere.)

She was speaking slowly as if she was trying to remember things mid-sentence.

"According to the files at the U-Res, he quickly regained consciousness."

"And what next? What happened to the vampire?"

"Oh. That's it. That person was also missing memories. That's why they don't remember the vampire's face."

(That's contradictory. I feel like I'll get sidetracked, but I'll ask just in case.)

"He couldn't remember the face, but remembered he met a vampire?"

"Weird, right? The vampire part is probably made up by the U-Res. Oh, I see, that might have been why the prez didn't care for the search."

(It figures... There's one really positive piece of information in her story. The previous vampire victim regained consciousness. That means Minami should be back in her own body in no time. This conclusion is a little too optimistic to my taste, but looking for pessimistic alternatives won't help here. If anything bad happened to her body, a Reset can solve that.)

But there was also one negative piece of information. Kei changed the subject, as he'd prefer to think about that by himself.

"By the way, why did you come to my house?"

"'cause you're with the Service Club. I thought you'd know how to solve the problem."

"Sorry, but Service Club requests need to go through the Bureau."

"What? Even for classmates? I thought you were nicer than that."

"I'll help on a personal level, of course, but you'd better leave for tonight. It's already late. Your family must be worried."

"Going home as a ghost wouldn't make them any less worried."

"I'll tell Tsushima to tell the Bureau. They don't take long to solve any ability-related problem. Tell your family everything is fine."

Minami frowned, displeased. That was a rare expression for her.

"If my body is collapsed in the mountain, I'm not really too comfortable with just leaving it there."

(Excellent point. I know it's fine because I can simply Reset, but I'm not supposed to tell my classmates about that. Tomoki has been the only exception so far. I absolutely don't want anyone casually asking me to rewind time for any trivial reason.)

Kei proposed a random idea to console her.

"So, do you want me to go check the Ghost Mountain now?"

(I really should have done that from the start. But if there really is an unknown threat on the Ghost Mountain and I make a big mistake... if anything happens to me, Haruki won't be able to Reset. I gotta set up a safety measure.)

Minami frantically waved her arms in front of her face.

"Thanks, but I'd never drag away someone who was trying to sleep. Will you go to the mountain with me in the morning?"

"No problem. That's better for me, too."

"Oh, but you have work for the Service Club tomorrow, right?"

Kei shook his head. That was a lie made to keep the pre-Reset world intact.

"I can do something about that. No need to worry."

"Really?"

"Yeah. How about we met at 9 on the staircase of the Hanamisaki Shrine?"

She agreed.

They said goodbye to each other and Minami left through the closed window. Being a ghost had its benefits.

Kei watched her go away. The rain was already over. There were no stars in the night sky, but the outside was lit by the city lights. Her dim glow made her look like a real ghost. After he could no longer see her, Kei closed the curtains and went to bed.

(Now, the negative information. That's ghost Minami's appearance itself. She didn't come to my apartment before the Reset. She didn't become a ghost. This changed despite my constant efforts to react the same way I did before. What caused this? Where did her future change? Damn it.)

The Reset caused this. She became a ghost because Kei ordered Haruki to Reset. Ghosts are associated with death. Kei couldn't stop himself from thinking about the girl who died two years before.

(Let's do what I can first. I have to tell Tsushima. He'll need to tell the Bureau, so I'll text him. Less information is lost in the telephone game when it's written.)

After sending his message, Kei opened his phone's contact list. He wanted to prepare insurance for the case of an unforeseen tragedy. He selected a saved number and hit Call.

The dialing sound soon stopped and he heard a cheerful voice. Nakano Tomoki. After he was done with the long-winded greeting, Kei spoke.

"I got a favor to ask if you don't mind."

#sagrada reset #cat ghost and revolution sunday #asai kei #minami mirai #nakano tomoki

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wrestlewomania · 3 years

Text

I’ll Be Okay

Attitude era imagine

Warnings: mentions of sex

Ken Shamrock had became suspicious. Secpucious that his teammate has gone on the wrong side. Or has the wrong idea on the wrong side of things.

Test was a good friend of his, there was no doubt about that but ever since that mixed matches challenge shenanigans with Christina he wasn’t exactly the same.

His attitude towards the Brood, it felt different. It was like he didn’t mind them, especially Christina.

Sure when they psssed by each other they would glare but there was something more.

It was obvious to him after Test had pushed her out of the way. Bossman didn’t notice because he was too busy hitting her brother with the nightstick but Shamrock saw that he had taken her by the waist before Bossman started hitting him.

His eyes nearly popped out of its sockets. How could he help someone like her? He went and asked about It to Test but he just said he doesn’t know what he means.

Shamrock paced through his hotel room, he couldn’t take it anymore, he had to talk to Test, he thought to himself. Shamrock walked down the hall over to Test’s room. He fat the key through the keyhole and quietly opened the door to his partner’s room.

He wasn’t ready for what he saw in that room. He was stunned. Test was in his bed with Christina in his arms. Both sleeping and relaxed. Christina’s back was turned to him and she seemed to be naked by her bare back and Test was for sure shirtless.

He took a double take before stepping out of the room. He couldn’t believe it. How could he do this? He didn’t know but he was sure as hell going to find out.

The next night was odd for him, Shamrock hadn’t ran into Test that day so he decided to go see him before the show. He knocked on Test’s locker room as he put his hands on his hips.

Soon after he saw Test open the door and look at him with a bit of surprise, “Shamrock, um, I didn’t think ww had to meet till an hour before the show.” Test said to Shamrock.

“That’s not what I’m here to talk about,” Shamrock said getting in Test’s room. “I’m here to talk about the Brood’s valet,” Test closed the door and looked at Shamrock with a confused look.

“Christina?” He asked.

“Yeah her,” Shamrock replied as Test put his hands on his hips. Shamrock continued, “Last night, I saw you and her sleeping together,”

Test eyes went wide, “Why were you in my room!?” He practically yelled at Shamrock. He had no right to be in his room especially when he was spending the night with Christina. But then again Shamrock didn’t know about them or at least thought he didn’t know about him and Christina.

“Why were you sleeping with Christina!?” He’s shot back.

Test sigh, “Alright, me and Christina knew each other back in high school, we broke up, had the mixed match challenge, started a relationship, are you happy now?”

Shamrock’s eyes went wide, “You know you guys won’t be able to keep up like this for long?”

Test nodded, “We’re trying to figure it out,” he said rubbing his hands over his face in a stressful manner.

Shamrock started thinking of what they could do, trying to convince her would be hard they both know how loyal she is to the Brood...... but not so much the ministry.

“Why don’t we boot her out of the ministry?” Shamrock asked Test sitting down beside him.

“How are we going to do that?”

“You vs. Edge, whoever wins gets the valet, in that case, Christina,” Shamrock said simply.

Test thought about the idea for a bit of time. It would be a good idea, it would get Christina on his side. But there was also the bad side of the idea.

“But wouldn’t she hate me after that since, you know, ripping her away from the family,” Test said doung a ripping motion with his hands.

“Not if we get her on top,” Shamrock said making Test give him a confused face, “Let’s make her the top woman in the company, then make her the perfect woman for the corporation, she might not like it at first but if she’s with you,”

Test started to nod with a smile in his face, “She’s the kind of type to ‘forgive and forget’, Shamrock you might be on to something,”

Test wasn’t sure he was ready to tell the rest of the corporation about his relationship with the enemy. But he did gather up his guys to tell them about it.

At first it wasn’t taken very well, they started telling him to break it off with her or ditch her but then Shane found his link with it.

She was a part of the Ministry, not only would it piss then off but she also had classified information about their plans.

So that’s what they did, made her a top star in the women’s division. She climbed all the way up until Sable and she beat her with ease.

It didn’t take long for the match to be set up after that. But of course the Corporation wasn’t just going to make it one on one, they were going to make sure Test wins.

The stipulations were that no one from the Brood or the Ministry could interfere, but the Corporation were playing dirty, meaning they could.

Test after hearing that was 100% sure that he would have Christina by his side.

The night that the match was announced Christina bursed in the room, “Did you hear about the match,”

She said to him coming in the room with a confused expression.

“Yeah, I did,” he replied getting up in front of her.

She shook her head looking clueless “What are we going to do about this?”

She wrapped her hands around his, looking terribly nervous. He was so disappointed in himself about lying to her. He really did love her, it did hurt but if it was the only true thing that could keep their relationship alive than he had to do it.

“I don’t know,” he said, matching her voice tone.

“Why does the Corporation do this all if a sudden,” She said lifting her head to meet his eyes.

“I don’t know, Chris,” He said hugging her. “Maybe because of the championship,”

“Can’t you do something about this?” The blonde asked the taller man.

“If I don’t win this, I’ll me kicked out of the Corporation, hell maybe the company,”

Christina sigh at his words. She really didn’t want him to be fired, it was the last thing she wanted. But she still wanted to stay with her brothers.

Test kissed the top of her forehead and rested his chin on her head. It was a way to wash out how bad he felt about the situation.

But her couldn’t help what was going to happen that night. Even though it had its pros and cons it was better than keeping up the charade forever.

She pulled back makin Test snap out if his thoughts.

“I’ll see you tonight,” she sighed leaning the room.

Test once again had a pit of guilt open in his stomach for lying to her. But how else was he going to do it?

Test grew more and nuts concerened over Christina as he got closer and closer to the match.

He had cold sweat all over him, he was thankful for Chyna and Triple H giving him all the advice but the feeling didn’t completely go away.

Even when he came down the ramp it felt different especially because of what he would be winning.

They both knew what they were fighting for was complet different than normal.

He watched as the Brood music started to blast through the speakers and saw how they came up from the entrance through the ring of fire.

His and Christina’s eyes locked as she came down the ramp. He had to make it seem as if they didn’t care about each other because of the ministry but she still didn’t know that the Corporation knew.

“Look at the glare Christina is sending to Test!” Jerry said. Boy, if only he knew.

The match began with Edge getting the upper hand but with the corporation at ringside, Edge didn’t even stand a chance. They tripped him and held him in place and when he would go outside the ring they would throw punched and kicks at him.

Christina tried to run at him but she was held back by one of the members of the mean street posse.

Edge was quickly tossed back in the ring, beaten and battered.

“Pin him!” Mr. McMahon commanded.

Test looked over at Christina, her eyes became watery, she shook her head telling him ‘please don’t do this.’

He mouthed her a ‘sorry’ as he kneeled down and covered Edge’s body. The referee started the 3 count as Test put his head down and whispered to Edge.

“I’ll take care of her don’t worry,”

Right after he finished the line the 3 count was over and the referee called for the bell.

Test got up from the mat and the referee grabbed his wrist, lifted it up to declare him the winner.

He smiled a fake smile and winked over at Christina before leaning over the ropes in front of her.

“You’re mine now,” he said, as he stepped over the rope and grabbed her wrist.

Christina’s eyes went wide, maybe out of a mix of surprise and fear. Fear of the Corporation and what they were going to do to her.

“Struggle,” he told her so that only she would hear.

And so she did. She was trying to get out if his grip as they went up the ramp. Or as he dragged her up.

They crossed the curtain where all the Corporation members were standing in a circle.

Vince McMahon was standing in the center beside his son, Shane.

“Test you wouldn’t mind keeping her still, would you?” Mr. McMahon asked raising his arms towards Christina.

Test grabbed her upper arms and held her straight in front of him.

“Well, Christina, you can forget everything the ministry taught you, because you are not in it anymore. You are Copirate and you are Test’s valet. We will discuss more later but for now we’ll leave you and Test alone,”

Christina’s eyes were still locked with the floor as the Corporations members started to leave to their own dressing rooms.

“Chris?” Tets asked the small blonde with a conserened voice.

He was getting worried with about how quiet she was. She was timid of course but not with him.

She wipped around, getting a sneak peak at her shiny blue eyes. She closed them and quickly wrapped her arms around Test.

Her head was resting on his chest and he placed his hand on her head.

“What are we going to do?” She asked as her head lifted up from his chest.

“How about we go back to the room and think about things, hm?” He said before kissing her forehead.

She nodded her head as they started walking back to the car and placed their bags before going back to the hotel.

When they got back to the hotel room Chris sat down on the bed, hugging her knees as Test took a shower.

When he came out and saw Christina it was depressing to him.

He sat down right beside her. “Do you want to talk about it.”

“Not really,” she said and gave him a peck in the lips.

Test gave her a confused look, “What was that for?”

She shrugged, “No reason, just been a while.” She said as she leaned down once again to kiss him.

Test returned the kiss and cupped her cheek. And soon her back was on the bed.

She pulled away with a light smile on her face.

“I think I’ll be okay with you,” she said softly which made Test smile.

They will always be okay as long as they have each other’s back.

#wwe #wwf #champion #wrestling #attitude era #divas #christian #the brood #genderbend #genderswap #Test #Test wwe #Test wwe imagine #ministry of darkness #corporation

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slashhinginghasher · 4 years

Text

Social Engagement for Misanthropes: Jesse Cromeans x Marena Polunochnaya

Jesse Cromeans cleaned up nice, and he damn well knew it. It was one of the first skills he’d cultivated after leaving his shithole hometown. One of the best ways to get money, he’d found, was to look like you already had it. The looks he got from women (and some men) were a welcome (some would say unnecessary) boost to his ego, and a sharp suit could always be counted on to draw the piggies out of their pens. The first few times he’d worn designer had felt strange, like a kid playing make-believe, though after a while it became as natural as breathing.

Now, as he stood in front of the mirror in his walk-in closet and fiddled with a tie he hadn’t touched in over three years, he felt a bit like that broke, backwater kid again.

He didn’t particularly want to attend this event, but it was, unfortunately, somewhat necessary. Spann had called it “proof of life” when she handed him the invitation, an actual, physical piece of paper that had been calligraphed and embossed within an inch of its life. It contained phrases like “humble gathering” and “the pleasure of your company” and had, apparently, been mailed with an honest-to-god wax seal.

Pretentious prick.

Jesse had been to his fair share of “humble gatherings”; you couldn’t conduct real business without them. They were mind-crushingly boring affairs, a slow-moving social dance of caviar, expensive booze, and pathetic attempts at wit. If nothing else, the people-watching was usually interesting. For all their “good breeding”, wealthy families could be far more dysfunctional than the most slovenly of small town homes. Upper class socialites didn’t blink at multi-million dollar checks, but flash a bit of ink and they’d fall over themselves to choke on his cock while their husbands talked golf in the next room. He’d even picked up a piggy or two at a few events, though you had to be extra careful with that (chain of association and all).

But he hadn’t shown his face in public since it had been ripped off and reattached, and some of his business contacts were getting suspicious. Spann’s iron-clad assurances were no longer enough to quell the rumors that Jesse Cromeans had died, or been deposed, and that someone else was running the company under his name. And that just would not do. He’d RSVP’d immediately, memories of Preston’s failed takeover flushing his system with old rage.

At least he’d be guaranteed some interesting company tonight, he thought, smirking at the garment bag draped over the stool next to him as he tapped out a quick text.

💀🖕: COME UPSTAIRS, I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU

Macarena: IF IT’S YOUR DICK I DON’T WANT IT

Jesse chuckled and went back to his tie, certain that either Marena’s curiosity or the urge to insult him to his face would bring her up shortly. He knew bow ties were traditional for black tie events, but wearing a fucking bow around his neck was a concession he’d never been able to force himself to make. Besides, he had a reputation for being… unconventional, and reputation was everything. Satisfied with the crisp Windsor knot, he shrugged on his black waistcoat, secretly pleased with the way it showed off the breadth of his chest.

“You look like a goth pirate,” came Marena’s voice from the doorway. “What the fuck.” As usual, he hadn’t heard her approach. She was the only person he knew who could sneak up on him, which was fun. Made things exciting.

“Haven’t you ever heard of ‘black tie’ before?” Jesse signed with a grin.

“Call me surprised then. Are we done?” In lieu of a verbal response, Jesse tossed the garment bag at her. Marena unzipped it enough to peek inside, then immediately re-zipped it.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Nyet.”

“Can’t go to a gala wearing that,” Jesse replied, looking pointedly at her worn t-shirt and jeans. Marena threw the garment bag back and crossed her arms.

“How sad. Guess I won’t go.”

“Sure you will. I can think of a few things to make it fun.”

“So can I. Like not going.”

“Not an option.” Jesse was struggling to smother his laughter. The stubborn furrow of Marena’s brow was too cute to keep a straight face around.

“Why are you going?”

“Business.”

“And that has what to do with me?”

“You’re my plus one, little wench.” Marena visibly cringed.

“If we’re being pirates, I want a fucking sword. And I don’t mean your dick,” she snapped, cutting him off before he could sign a single word. Jesse’s shoulders shook with a full-body laugh, composure completely shot. He cupped Marena’s face in both hands and kissed her forehead, which he knew she hated, before pressing the garment bag into her hands once more.

“Try to look a little less like a corpse,” he advised, stepping around her to grab his dinner jacket. A litany of Russian curses followed him.

***

Marena’s concession to not resembling a corpse was a violently red lipstick that made it look like she’d been eating human hearts for every meal, which Jesse immediately wanted to smear across her face. The dress was black, of course, with a high collar and long sleeves. It would have covered her neck to toe had she not hiked one side of the skirt nearly up to her hip while she slipped a set of throwing knives into the holster around her slender thigh.

She made a compelling argument for ditching, Jesse thought, feeling a familiar tightening in his slacks. He couldn’t resist smoothing a hand along her exposed leg, fingers coming to rest just shy of her underwear.

“Once this dress comes off, it’s not going back on,” she warned.

“Noted and appreciated. You still have to come to this party.”

“Fuck.”

“Later.”

Marena said nothing, just glared at him through her curtain of hair - which she had brushed just enough that the messiness looked intentional - and let her skirts fall back down to her ankles. Jesse quickly ushered her out of the room before he could do something ingenious like cancelling all of his commitments for the next month and spending the entire time in bed.

The ride in the Bentley was tense and silent. A sick pit of nerves was brewing in Jesse’s stomach, all too similar to the way his boyhood self felt on the way to school, and that was ten kinds of bullshit. He was a grown man. He was motherfucking Chromeskull. He should not be feeling like a little kid about to face a playground bully. But he was finding it very difficult to push the feeling away. His face looked a damn sight better than it did several years ago, but it would never go back to the way it was before, and he was about to walk into a room full of people who treated a minute blemish like a national scandal. He wanted his mask. He wanted to say fuck it and just keep driving until he hit someplace tropical. He wanted to kill something, to drown his insecurities in blood and adrenaline.

He half-wished he’d flown Asa out to rig the whole venue beforehand in case things went south.

Beside him, Marena was deathly still, one white-knuckled fist gripping the fabric of her skirt. She looked a million miles away, lost in whatever personal hell her own brain was conjuring for her. Jesse reached over and squeezed her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles. It was his version of a concession; a silent expression of gratitude. The fact that Marena didn’t push his hand away was a testament to how anxious she was.

“I still want a sword,” she grumbled. Jesse smiled and chucked her under the chin, which she also hated, and felt the knot in his chest loosen a bit.

***

It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. People stared, of course, but they were too “polite” (which was money-speak for “two-faced”) to say anything to his face. There were far more eyes on Marena, which Jesse both loved and loathed. The women’s jealous eyes tracked her every move like sharks scenting new prey, which was admittedly hilarious to watch; but the barely-concealed desire on the men’s faces sent prickles of possessiveness down Jesse’s spine. He kept his hand glued to Marena’s lower back, low enough to skirt the line of what their current company would consider decent.

If there was one thing the rich understood, it was possession.

“Cromeans!” the host bellowed, arms spread like they were old friends. “Still alive and in the flesh, I see! Some of the lads were getting worried!” A few of the “lads” murmured noises of agreement while the host gave Jesse an overly enthusiastic handshake. Jesse could feel their gazes catching on the eyepatch and the new curl of his lip, and he almost wished one of them would say something, just to give him an excuse to lash out. But the host’s attention wandered over to Marena, whom he foolishly deemed to be a safer topic of discussion.

“And who might this lovely creature be?” he asked, ignoring the sinful glances his wife was casting Jesse’s way.

“No one of consequence,” Marena replied sweetly with a tight, close-lipped smile. The man tipped his head back and guffawed, trying not to wither under the combined weight of Jesse and Marena’s unimpressed stares. He forged ahead anyway.

“You always did have a penchant for… unusual company, Cromeans, I’ll give you that. Tell you what,” he rubbed his hands together eagerly, “I’ve got a bottle of Lagavulin with your name on it in the gentlemen’s lounge. I’m sure Genevieve here can handle your lovely companion for a bit while we talk business.” He beamed benevolently at his wife, who looked as though she’d rather eat glass.

“Of course, dear,” she said, pasting a megawatt smile on her botoxed face. “It’s such a treat to see a new face around here. I’m sure the other girls would love to meet you.” She swept away towards a group of tittering young women draped in diamonds and pearls, Marena following with the stiff spine of a person walking to their execution. Jesse felt much the same way as “the lads” filed into the oak-paneled gentlemen’s lounge.

“Business” was code for the same inane bullshit being discussed in the ballroom, with the addition of whiskey, cigars, and complaints about wives and mistresses. These conversations were usually a goldmine for Jesse. As a mute, he was rarely expected to be an active participant, and the number of weaknesses people revealed when they assumed they were surrounded by allies was astounding. Tonight, though, he was twitchy and bored, distracted by thoughts of Marena stabbing one of those debutante brats through the eye with the stem of a champagne glass. As if on cue, his phone vibrated.

Macarena: I’M GOING TO KILL EVERYONE IN THIS BUILDING

💀🖕: DON’T START WITHOUT ME

Macarena: IT’S CUTE THAT YOU THINK I WON’T TAKE YOU OUT FIRST

💀🖕: AWW YOU THINK I’M CUTE?

Macarena: I WILL RIP YOUR SPINE OUT AND BEAT YOU WITH IT

💀🖕: DON’T TEMPT ME WITH A GOOD TIME BABY ;)

Macarena: THIS FUCKER KEEPS TRYING TO GET ME TO DANCE

Macarena: CAN I KNEECAP HIM

Macarena: I’M GONNA KNEECAP HIM

The little bastard’s kneecaps were spared when a staff member scuttled into the lounge to inform the host of some dire emergency, effectively breaking up the little gathering. Jesse strolled back into the ballroom and spotted Marena at a table near the exit, cornered by a little bitch with slicked-back hair and a greasy smile. The waves of irritation coming off of the girl were palpable and her smile obviously fake, and Jesse couldn’t decide if the guy was too stupid to notice, or was ignoring it because he had that effect on every woman he spoke to.

“Come on, baby,” he goaded, and Jesse could have broken his neck just for that, “it’s just one dance. Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners?”

Marena’s smile froze on her face, and Jesse could practically hear the Kill Bill sirens going off in her head. The barb would’ve worked on any other woman in the room - horror of high society horrors, to be considered ill-mannered! - but for people of Marena and Jesse’s backgrounds, it hit much harder and much deeper.

“No,” she said, rising slowly and deliberately from her seat. “She didn’t.” She turned on her heel, leaving the idiot to gape at the failure of his clumsy manipulation tactics. Jesse grabbed her elbow and she passed and made a beeline for the exit. Not that he didn’t relish the prospect of a bloodbath, but initiating one right now would make future business dealings… complicated.

He memorized the fucker’s face on their way out, though.

***

Marena spent the next few days in a well-deserved sulk, resulting in the destruction of two punching bags and a serious case of blue balls for Jesse. He’d really been looking forward to ripping that dress off of her, damn it. He distracted himself with work and few more personal arrangements. At the end of the week, he tracked her down on the rooftop deck.

“Say your piece and fuck off,” she growled as he stood silently next to her chaise lounge, hands behind his back. She sounded exhausted and looked as though she hadn’t slept in at least two days. Affecting an air of mock seriousness, Jesse moved in front of her and bowed, offering her conciliatory gift on open palms.

“You did not.”

The shashka’s scabbard was a deep midnight blue, with subtle patterns of tree branches embossed in the fine leather. The hilt was smooth, black horn. The blade gleamed in the afternoon light as Marena unsheathed it with a fluid schnick.

“You are the absolute worst fucking person in the world,” she said, the corners of her mouth twitching dangerously close to a smile. A glint of wicked delight sparkled in her eyes as she gave the sabre a few experimental twirls and slashes.

“Only for you, baby,” Jesse replied with a cheeky grin. “Want to test it out?”

***

All it took was a pair of handcuffs and a dark warehouse to really bring out the bitch in some people. The asshole from the party (Jesse really needed to come up with a term for male piggies if this was going to be a recurring thing) had been tied up for barely a day and he was already a sniveling mess. Jesse, on the other hand, was in a great mood. He had his mask, his camcorder, and his favorite knife, and judging by the way Marena was practically purring as she traced her fingers around the shashka’s hilt, he was for sure getting laid tonight.

The rich bitch didn’t recognize Jesse with his face covered, but his eyes went wide and he started screaming obscenities into his gag when Marena stepped under the light. She yanked the fabric out of his mouth.

“You fucking cunt! You’ll fucking regret this! Do you know who I am? Do you-” All the blood drained from his face when Marena drew the sword and held it to his throat in a lightning-fast move. He swallowed hard, the tip digging in just below his Adam’s apple and drawing a bead of blood. She really was a natural with that thing, Jesse thought as he circled the tableau with his camera. It was hot as fuck.

“Hi,” Marena said.

The man sweated in silence.

“I wanted to go back to our conversation a few nights ago,” she continued. “About my mother.” She let the sword drop to her side and the man relaxed fractionally.

“See, she did not teach me manners, but she did teach me a lot of other things.” She pushed the gag back into place and patted him a couple times on his quivering, tear-soaked cheek. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled out a black butterfly knife.

“Lesson one: bleeding.”

#@slash-em-up: *calls Jesse a stupid name once*#me: *filing it away to use forever*#marena gets a sword because she deserves it #marena's name is ''macarena'' in jesse's phone because autocorrect kept changing it and he gave up #my writing #jesse cromeans #chromeskull #marena polunochnaya

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