#its always a plus when the goofy silly guys are also dads

[eternal-kosmo-ghoul]

AS MY TREAT I WANT THE MOST SILLY, GOOFY AAA HCS OF THE PAPA'S.

Like idk Copia used to have to wear earplugs because Terzo snores so loudly it's literally obnoxious or something like that.

“aww my middle finger likes you”

❤︎ synopsis — this is pure bullshittery and crack in its finest form with the papas. they can be a little crazy at times

pairing: all papa emeritus’ x gn!reader (can be platonic or romantic)

theme: crack ✦ , fluff ✿ (if you squint)

a/n: this is a toast to my bestie for being an absolute chad. i was high making these, enjoy.

cw: terzo is a warning enough on his own. that’s it.

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➵ papa primo

he’s the oldest so he constantly has to deal with the shit from his psychopathic brothers

like— primo is basically THE mom friend, except he’s the mom for moe, larry and curly over here

(moe, larry and curly being secondo, terzo and copia)

he constantly had to hold back secondo from beating the shit out of terzo because terzo made fun of him for being bald

“I’M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR WEAVE—“ “SECONDO NO—“

bro unironically listens to weezer

like full out busting down a just dance move to this music

you once caught him dancing to it, and he stood there frozen like the man emoji

he told you to never speak of it again and you just nodded, trying to plague your mind of that horrendous image

primo cannot cook for shit too btw

you were once out and asked him to make something before you got home to the ministry

the minute you walked in the door, the kitchen stove was on fire and all of primo’s ghouls were running around and screaming in infernal about the fire

meanwhile, primo stood there not knowing what to do, looking like the man emoji AGAIN

it’s basically his trademark at this point

“…. primo what the absolute fuck—“ “it wasn’t me i swear.”

while primo’s ghouls were still learning english, he once said “fuck you” to you in a very sarcastic way

but the ghouls thought it was how humans said “hello” in english

so they went around to the other siblings of sin, and sister imperator saying “fuck you” to them while leaving all those poor people offended and dumbfounded

you smacked the back of his head after that and forced him to apologize to his ghouls and to the siblings of sin (plus imperator of course)

and he gave the ghouls extra scritches too

primo also has the dad sneeze

like he can send another universe to the next tomorrow with his goofy ass sneeze

he once sneezed so loud he scared copia and caused him to bang his head on the wall

it was kinda funny tbh

anyways yeah note to self stay 10000 feet away from primo if he’s on the verge of sneezing

it’ll save your life

┅✦┅

➵ papa secondo

secondo has two moods

“oh my satan you’re all so stupid i literally hate you all” and “tee hee i’m a girly girl”

like ??? what’s this guy on???

this guy has the sass of a high school history teacher

like secondo’s being so deadass about whatever he’s saying but he’s always fucking saying it like—

“c’mon now, you literally have the style of a hairless roach 💅”

it confuses you a lot of the time, really

secondo has his moments where he’s sweet, but for the most part he’s pulling up the middle finger to everyone he sees

it’s a habit

someone could say hi to him in the nicest way possible and he’ll just grumble and flip them off

it’s not even that he’s trying to be mean, it’s a habit (a very bad habit)

you once got tired of it and smacked his hand, when he flipped you off. so it’s safe to say he no longer does it

at least to you

secondo is an absolute menace to his brothers

with primo he’s chill because he’s the eldest, but with the younger two he’s got no chill

definitely made copia cry at some point during his younger years

he later got his ass chewed out by you and primo, because no one makes copia cry

secondo’s literally so bossy it’s kinda funny

he’s always one flip flop away from smacking someone every time someone pisses him off

him and terzo are BEEFING all the time

and it’s over the stupidest shit too

“you’re stupid.” “well, you’re face is stupid” “you’re both stupid, end of the discussion.”

you once switched out all of his skull face paint for a pink barbie pallet

so secondo was walking around lookin’ like hello kitty emeritus and everyone was trying so hard not to laugh

even his ghouls were struggling too

“… secondo—“ “not. another. word.”

┅✦┅

➵ papa terzo

bro’s the fuckin’ definition of fruity

you thought secondo was girly pop?? wait ‘till you see terzo, he’s fucking extravagant

will literally show up in the grocery store lookin’ like a character ripped straight from criminal minds

like— he has to make a show EVERYWHERE he goes. he likes to stand out

terzo is also the type of man to wear skirts and dresses because he knows he’s hot shit and he devours every fit he puts together

he shows off that waist frfr

“… terzo what the fuck—“ “shut up you know i’m sexy and i’m going to show it.”

if you wear skirts or dresses he’ll definitely ask to borrow them

he definitely passed down his fruitiness to copia

and to his ghouls

he scams kids on adopt me and has a good laugh every time because he likes to see people get mad at him since he stole their hella expensive pet from them

primo told him to quit it because what kind of satanic pope scams poor little children on a roblox game?

as stylish as terzo is, he cannot do his hair and makeup to save his life

he’ll usually ask you to do it for him wherever he has to perform or do public events, which is why his face paint is simple compared to secondo and primo

it gives you two bonding time though and it’s cute

he once watched the pinkie pie smile hd video and was traumatized for a few days

like he straight up locked himself in his room and would not come out unless you convinced him to do so

during an after party after a concert ritual, he got so wasted and almost kissed omega

like you had to PRY this man off of the poor ghoul, while omega stood there unaffected (hehe tall buff demon boy)

terzo is the shortest emeritus and none of his brothers will let him live it down

ESPECIALLY copia, since he’s younger than him

terzo almost kicked him in the nuts because of that

but that definitely was a stab to his already massive ego

you reassured him that there’s nothing wrong with his height even though you found some of the jokes his brothers made funny

live laugh love terzo

┅✦┅

➵ papa copia

copia doesn’t know what he’s doing half of the time

like he’s just given a mic and he just wings a performance while the ghouls on stage are fucking around and going absolutely feral

out of all the papas, copia legitimately treats his ghouls like his own kids

he feels like he’s getting more grey hairs every time he has to stop swiss from fucking his own guitar, or sodo and phantom from fighting about cheese sticks

you sometimes help copia do ghoul-sitting and it’s just chaos. you’re literally their second parent

copia and you = parent duo for the era iv ghouls

he unironically owns a lot of funko pops

and he keeps the one of himself on a special pedestal in a glass case for safe keeping

though secondo almost once knocked over the case and he was three seconds away from smiting a bitch

you once were looking for copia because you wanted to ask him something and you found him in a ritual room

except the ritual was that he surrounded himself with a bunch of rat plushies and he was on his knees in front of a picture of a rat with a tiny crown

you were so confused, and he refuses to acknowledge what that was

“…. copia i—“ “you didn’t see anything.”

he fucking washes himself with dish soap and laundry detergent

this man is going around smelling like dawn dish soap and it’s so weird

it’s not that it even smells bad??? it just smells so interesting and strong you swear you’re in a fever dream

copia is an avid mitski fan

definitely cried his eyes out like a little bitch when he first listened to “the land is inhospitable and so are we” because he couldn’t get over how sad “my love mine all mine was”

radiates theater kid energy

but like— the kind of theater kid that is just passionate about theater and is very giddy when people ask about it

when he started his first meeting as papa he got so nervous that he straight up started the meeting with the word “mushroom”

like it’s so random ??? but it made the ghouls and you giggle so it somewhat worked out ??

copia is a little silly

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#ghost bc #ghost fanfiction #papa emeritus x reader #papa x reader #papa primo #papa secondo #papa terzo #papa copia #copia x reader #terzo x reader #primo x reader #secondo x reader #crack fic #crack headcanons #ghost bc crack #the band ghost #ghost x reader #ghost bc x reader

[limerental]

limerental's themed self-rec lists

read my old fics, you cowards! these are majority witcher fics, because i have an illness.

silly goofy modern au

how long we were fool'd - jaskier/yennefer(&geralt)

married neighbors yennskier, suburban dad!geralt, modern witchers, little kid ciri, aroace geralt, relationship misunderstandings, borzoi roach, supernatural mystery, some canon-typical violence, found family nonsense, and my own clairvoyance in writing yennskier husband-wife but it was spring 2020

(don't) poke the sleeping dragon - jaskier/yennefer/geralt

a retelling of bottled appetites but it's a nerdy fantasy music festival, copious drug use, yennefer's sick wizard van, unicorn edibles, golden dragon dildos, outdoor sex, geralt getting pegged and double penetrated, a dialogue only threesome, accidental yearning old friend geraskier tenderness, and someone once told me they wouldn't read this fic because yen had her tits out in the summary and i will always remember that criticism for the rest of my life

as if you were a mythical thing - yennefer/geralt

old married couple, dom/sub dynamics, sex unicorn mention, geralt is very vanilla but loves his kinky wife, and he's too autistic about horses not to ruin ponyplay with horse facts

this one might hurt

long on the road & how light carries on - geralt/jaskier (eventual geralt/regis in the sequel, plus many platonic relationships)

the 80s trucker/hitchhiker au that got away from me, vietnam vet trucker geralt, aging hippie musician jaskier, AIDS crisis, terminal illnesses, dealing with mortality, falling in love, road tripping, copious american geography, period-typical queer community issues, and then... life after loss, aging, grief and mourning, queer and traumatized family dynamics both found and otherwise, finding love again, and watching the sun set on a life well lived

in dark and twisted braids - fringilla &/ yennefer

aretuza school days slumber parties, girlhood crushes, pining, unrequited love, i shook a sorceress and intergenerational trauma fell out, the inherent adolescent horror of making lasting decisions about your future when you are barely 18 but even worse because there's war and violence and permanent alterations to your body and forced sterilization and your little schoolgirl crush on someone you thought was a friend ends in betrayal and bloodshed and you end up on opposite sides of the war and she never even looked your way or thought about you and--

then send down the storm - aiden/lambert, lambert/geralt(/yennefer)

witcher roadtripping, just guys being dudes, horse stuff, winter at kaer morhen polyamory but different, ~trauma~, the mortifying ordeal of accepting you deserve more from life and also of being known, but it's too late (or is it?), grief and mourning and loss and love that was worth its loss, and also, the character death(s) are largely temporary.

aw that just ain't right :/

the witch in her tower - eskel/yennefer(/geralt)

dark fic, fairytale elements, hurt no comfort (mind the tags), morally dubious heartbroken yennefer, pining and years of yearning for geralt eskel, unrequited love, non-consensual mind control during sex, flashbacks to messed up witcher child abuse and violence and cruelty, the inherent horror of mutated and manipulated little boys becoming men who think they can't or shouldn't love paralleled with the inherent horror of enchanted and manipulated little girls becoming women who-- you get it.

the flesh calmly going cold - geralt/jaskier

this one's gross for real, a hunt gone wrong, hurt NO comfort, major character death and it's gross and tragic, gore, necrophilia, organs lovingly described (and jizzed on), basically it's just like that scene in twn where filavandrel exploded but if francesca humped his goo after. sorry.

blood of the covenant (water of the womb) - geralt/&renfri, geralt/stregobor

supernatural pregnancy body horror as revenge, ......pregobor, black sun princess trauma and curses, apocalyptic monster fetus imagery, it's about women and violence against women and evil men suffering for inflicting that violence mostly, and also the evils of standing by and watching evil happen. also, yes stregobor is magical yucky bella swan pregnant and then bad stuff happens to everybody.

#my fic #self-rec #witcher fic #themed rec lists yay! #the last three have dead dove themes technically but not like. idk i've changed my mind on what constitutes dead dove in this fandom #basically there's gore and body horror and some non-con in the last few #the tone difference from the first to the last is SO funny

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

gagoomba moment

#my post #vid #sakugan #anime man: *makes funnie noise* me: YOOOOOOOO #its always a plus when the goofy silly guys are also dads #oji search #-tag added 2 years later

[starlight-writes-stuff]

SO HEAR ME OUT an nsfw alphabet for draco

hey bestie - im literally so excited to do this (: i have a guilty pleasure of reading nsfw alphabets so u really hit the nail on the head with this request . n e ways , enjoy !

AYO LOOK AT THESE ! : smut (duh but still) , hair pulling , breeding k!nk , unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it) , masturbation , choking , light bondage , praise kink , general adult themes and content so please only read if ur okay with that .

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3 ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

draco is the literal definition of a fluff fic after sex - hes so soft and loving and affectionate . if the sex was on the rougher side , draco goes out of his way to kiss any bruises , cuts , or red marks he may have left on you, soothing the sinfully painful spots with soft touches of his suddenly gentle fingertips.  

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

draco is built like a greek mf god , and he knows it . he’s all lean , toned muscles and his alabaster pale skin only makes him look more ethereal . draco is quite proud of his body and isn’t afraid to show off if needed.

draco literally loves everything about you , and you’ve tried over and over to get him to pick his most favorite - he never does it because he’s a stubborn little shit and refuses to let you think that he values one part of you over any other . finally , you wore him down to coming up with a top 3 : your hands , your hair , and your chest .

 your hands as they fit perfectly in his , they brush his hair out of his eyes with a gentleness that melts him every time (and the way you dig your nails into his back or his arms iykyk) . 

draco loves your hair mostly because its the exact opposite of his own ; long , thick , and chocolate brown . he’s constantly playing with your hair , whether that's running his hands through it or gently tugging on it to get your attention . he would kill you if you ever told anyone , but draco taught himself how to braid your hair so he would have something repetitive to do to calm his anxiety .

 draco loves your chest : he's such a boob guy . he is such a boob guy . even in a non-sexual context , draco loves having his hands up your shirt just feeling how soft your breasts are , the way that he can feel your heartbeat if you’re still enough . when things are getting *frisky* draco loves your tits - in his hands , using his mouth on them , titty-fucking you , literally everything . 

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

draco has a huge breeding kink , but is simultaneously terrified of getting you pregnant. he knows that he wants to be a dad eventually , but draco malfoy is the king of daddy issues™ and can’t fathom having a child right now .

that doesn’t stop him from filling you up with his cum every time you guys fuck - draco loves watching your face as you take his entire load , begging him not to pull out . 

once he does , though , draco’s head is immediately between your legs watching his manhood drip out of you , fingering it out of you while you whimper at the way he seems to hit all the right spots . 

he’s extremely thankful for the tiny , yellow birth control pills that you’re on , and he reminds you every day to take them .

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

draco had never , ever said i love you to someone during or after sex until the two of you had your first time . now , its a normal occurrence for draco to tell you how much he loves you as he thrusts into your pretty , fucked out body . he lets his forehead fall to yours , moaning the words in between heavy breaths as he finishes inside you .

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

draco had a couple of hookups , and a complicated friends with benefits situation before the two of you got together , so he was somewhat experienced by the time you guys finally got down to it . he made sure you felt so good the entire time , using every trick in his book to make you cum around him over and over until he reached completion as well . 

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

draco is a sucker for regular old missionary . he likes being able to watch your face as you take every inch of him , watching your facial expressions change and morph under the influence of his pleasure . if he’s eager to feel you - all of you - draco will hook one of your legs over his shoulders , giving him better access to your sex . this is the one instance where draco wont keep eye contact with you : he can't resist watching himself slide in and out of you , coated in your cum .

however

he's an absolute sucker for you riding him , too . he loves to let you take control and chase your pleasure - plus the visual of you bouncing up and down on his cock , eyes rolling back into your head as you hit all the right spots is enough to send him over the edge . if you get tired while on top , draco will gladly hold your hips in place , fucking up into you until you practically collapse into him , entirely taken over by the force of your orgasm. 

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

intimacy is something that didn’t come easy for you and draco; he’d never been with someone that he actually loved before you . there was a deep intensity to the emotions shared between you two during sex , and draco viewed that time between the both of you as something almost sacred . foreplay , or just general teasing can be silly with you two , but making love is more serious . 

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

draco keeps himself trimmed , but not entirely clean shaven , and the hair down there is darker than his signature white-blond locs .

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

(refer back to g but i could talk about this for days) draco is incredibly romantic when it comes to sex . your first time was like something out of a movie - draco had lit candles everywhere , filling the room with soft , flickering light , as well as changing the sheets on your bed to a soft , white cotton . he’d taken his time making you comfortable ; you and draco had talked through all your fears for hours before he laid a hand on you . once you were ready , draco’s touches had been soft and slow and tender all over your body - he’d made you feel like the angel you were . quickly , you learned that draco wasn’t like that just because it had been your first time ; draco made an effort to make sex just as special every time. 

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

draco was raised thinking that masturbation was a shameful act , something dirty and below him (you literally can not tell me that this isn't true i'll fight it until the day i die . as much as i love narcissa the malfoy family fkn sucks and they damaged draco so bad . anyways) so it’s very rare that he’ll get himself off. when he does , its somewhere where he can quickly get rid of the evidence , such as the shower . 

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

while draco makes sex between you two meaningful and special , that doesn’t mean that he’s afraid to be rough (after yall have had a long talk about it before where you gave him enthusiastic consent ofc . ) 

draco loves to pull your hair or wrap a hand around your throat while he’s hitting it from the back , so much so that he’ll bring your back up to his chest . 

he really enjoys a bit of light choking here and there - just enough to watch your pretty face flush with blood , making your moans the slightest bit weaker . 

draco loves to tie your hands up above your head while he’s eating you out as well ; it makes you take all the pleasure he’s willing to give , and he lives for the way your body writhes and bucks under his skillful tongue. 

you literally can not tell me that draco doesn’t have a praise kink - both giving and receiving . draco loves to tell you how good of a job your doing whether you're sucking him off or taking all of him inside you , and he’s constantly reassuring you that you’re doing such a good job.

however

he fucking loves when you praise him as well (my theory as to why is so fkn sad so we wont go over that here) but that boy lives for you telling him how good he’s making you feel , and when you encourage him nodding and whining for him to go faster . its the one thing that undoes him almost immediately , and he flushes furiously every time you tell him just how fantastic he’s doing .  

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

you and draco rarely get it on outside of your bedrooms at hogwarts , or your childhood rooms when you’re home for the summer - but there’s an exception to every rule. draco has absolutely ruined you in the quidditch changing rooms after a rather brutal loss , and he’s the king of shower sex , too.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

praise !! draco loves you telling him how good his dick feels , or his tongue , or his hands . he also appreciates when you’re rather direct with him - telling draco exactly where you want him , what you want him to do - it drives him absolutely insane . hearing such dirty words come from your sweet , innocent mouth kills him , and it makes draco that much more excited.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

there's nothing draco wouldn’t try at least once , but he’s rather uncomfortable with voyeurism. he hates the idea of anyone else seeing your body , watching how you wriggle and whine underneath him as he makes you cum . while the two of you have done it in some questionable locations , draco had made sure that no one could see . 

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

while draco loves your mouth wrapped around him , that boy could spend all day between your legs . he's nothing short of obsessed with eating you out , and its one of his favorite things to do for you . he cant help the way it makes him feel - hearing you whimper and moan while you pull on his hair , your back arching off the bed when his tongue flicks in just the right way . he gets a sort of high from it , and absolutely prides himself on making you cum with just his tongue . 

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it really depends on the day . draco loves fucking you slow , watching his manhood slide in and out of your pretty body coated in your arousal , but he cant resist fucking you so hard he leaves bruises , either . if its just a regular day , the two of you fall somewhere in between , a perfect mix of rough and sweet . 

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

draco loves a good quickie every once in a while ! sometimes he needs a release , and your body is his favorite vessel . usually quickies are where the two of you get a little more risky - he’ll grab your arm , pulling you into an empty classroom or the shower and take you then and there . 

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

yes and no . draco would try anything and everything , especially if you asked him to , but there are some things that are a one-and-done for him . the two of you are good at talking about that stuff - if something made one of you uncomfortable , the other would understand 100% . its all about the balance of boundaries and still being adventurous. 

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

draco would fuck you all day if you would let him . he can make you cum many , many times before he’ll allow himself to even get close , and even then his stamina is through the roof . he can go at least 3 rounds if not more , and switch positions as many times as you’d like . 

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

while draco doesn’t mind you using toys on yourself , they do make him slightly jealous . you gently tease him about this sometimes , how he works himself into a sulk over an inanimate object - however, that usually leads to your hands tied to his headboard , draco holding a vibrator on your clit until you can’t take anymore orgasms. 

you two have expirimented with using your vibrator during sex , but draco much prefers playing with your clit over using an outside source , and seretly , you do too . he’s amazing with his hands , and rubs tight , fast circles onto your sensitive nub while his hips snap against yours only intensifying the sensation .

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

draco loves to tease you - he likes to watch the way you come undone under the slightest touches of his hands . very rarely does he tease you for long - he can’t resist giving you what you want , what you’re begging him for in that high , breathy voice .

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s a loud motherfucker all the time , and the bedroom is no exception . draco’s moans are music to your ears , and they turn you on more than anything . his already rough voice only gets raspier , and deeper , too . he loves to talk dirty to you , but as he approaches his orgasm , he can barely form full sentences . his cocky pillow talk turns to almost desperate moans and whimpers as his thrusts get sloppier and quicker , his hips snapping against yours hard . his groans as he cums are heavenly , especially since he’s usually buried his head in your neck or dropped his forehead to yours by then . 

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

we all know that draco have a superiority / god complex (as he should 😌) , and this manifests in the bedroom - you would’ve never known , though , if it weren’t for a complete accident . you and draco had been studying together , and he’d asked one of the yes or no questions written on a flashcard .  not thinking about your actions , you’d answered the question with “no, sir” - then physically felt draco’s entire body stiffen underneath you . you’d picked up on it immediately , blood flooding your face as you’d asked him if he liked it .

yes , he did .

he loves when you call him sir as he’s fucking the life out of you - like , he has to stop himself from cumming on the spot . 

when you want to fuck with him for whatever reason , you’ll jokingly call him ‘sir’ in front of your friends

you’ll pay for it later , though

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

mans is built in every sense of the word . draco is quite well endowed , which was something that took you a bit to get used to . he was never one to measure - it just seemed wrong to him , like he was doing something dirty - but by your estimations , draco is about 7 inches . he’s thicker than most , too , which only adds to your pleasure . 

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

draco lives in a constant state of horny™ . he can’t help it - something about you brings out his most primal instincts . he’s so in love with you and your body that he can rarely keep his hands off of it , but he knows how to control himself . he tries to match your sex drive ; when yours is high , his is too , but he doesn’t mind waiting on you to give him the green light if you’re libido has been lower . 

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

its safe to say that the both of you are extremley tired after sex - its quite the workout . draco is so soft once he’s finished , and he would live in that post-sex haze forever if he could ; he’s all sweet kisses and skin-to-skin contact , but he’ll usually wait until you fall asleep on him before he can drift off . something about making sure that you’re comfortable enough to sleep on him fills draco with a sense of immense pride . once you’ve fallen asleep, depending on how vigorous everything was , draco will usually fade pretty soon after ; on the off chance that he still has some energy , draco stays up and watches you . he looks at you as if you were a piece of art , usually following the soft lines and curves of your face with a gentle finger ; admiring you like the angel you are .

#draco #malfoy #dracomalfoy #draco malfoy #hp #alphabet #oneshot #blurb #request #ns/fw alphabet

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 7~instant crush

A/N: aaaaaa this chapter is so/so???? i guess it gets better at the end??? idk, i’m starting to get back into that “i’m not a good writer” mindset that i was in at the beginning of nauseous. i’m hoping to start writing another chapter super soon! i’m just stuck in rut and it’s showing in the chapters. i’ll work harder to make them better, but no promises. also listen to the song that the chapter was named after here. it’s literally one of my all time favorite songs on the planet lol. ok, i apologize in advance but i hope u still enjoy :)

Category: fluff

CW: smoking weed, mentions of toys and smoking tools and pieces

Word Count: 2680

before you read | last chapter | next chapter

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After what felt like days, you and Spencer had finally made it to your father's cabin. You hadn't been up north in years, all because you were so focused on getting your dream job. Driving down a dirt road, the smell of the trees mixed with rain had you feeling nostalgic, triggering memories of when you were a little girl, reading Charles Dickens under a tree or on the rocky shores of the lake. You couldn't wait to share these new memories here with him.

When you arrived in Michigan, you made sure you got all of your favorite goodies like Better Maid potato chips, Faygo's Rock'n'Rye, Vernors ginger ale, Superman ice cream, and you even made Spencer stop at your favorite pizza place, Buddy's, so you could get your favorite salad and a cheese pizza with light sauce and a crispy crust. He chuckled at how plain you like your pizza, but it was something you and your grandmother shared a loved for. You wanted Spencer to have as close to the Michigan experience he could because while you weren't in love with your home state, the small things you grew up with gave you joy.

The last errand you made before moving up north was to a dispo in Ann Arbor. Spencer couldn't go in with you, so you left him in the car (even though you wanted him to come in with you, he didn't have his card so it wouldn't work). Walking in, you showed the security guard your med card and continued your way through the store. Jars of bud covered the shelves on the wall. Glass showcases were filled with wax. Each strain (no matter what form) had labels in front of them, giving information about it and what it could do to help with any specific problem like joint pains or body spasms. You never really had a preference on what strain was best, nor got too picky if it was an indica, sativa, or hybrid.

You talked with a staff member and asked what they suggested. You ended up getting some Cherry Pie flower, joint papers, hemp blunt wraps, and a mini bbq lighter. Once you grabbed the goods, you headed out to suddenly notice a store that was at the outdoor mall next door. A smile grew on your face as you ran back to the car, set your bag down behind your seat, and grabbing Spencer by his hand and pulled him with you to the mall.

"Silly girl, I thought we were done with the errands?" He asked.

"One more stop," you said eagerly, "I promise. Plus, I think you'll get a little kick out of it."

A small building appeared as you made him stop in front of it. You saw him look up at the sign, looking a little confused. "There's a store with the same name as me?"

"Wait till you get inside." You giggled.

Those who weren't familiar with the store would think it was an edgier Hot Topic, but once you showed him what was in the back of Spencer's, you saw his jaw drop and couldn't hold in the laugh that was brewing in your throat. "Told you you'd get a little kick out of it."

"Well I thought you meant because of the fact it's called Spencer's, not because of all the...toys...they have."

"Are you getting ideas, Doctor?"

He straightened himself out and fixed his sweater. "I cannot confirm, nor deny your question."

"Dr.Spencer Reid," you giggled, slapping his arm softly, "naughty boy."

"Are you getting idea's, Agent L/N?"

You were quiet for a moment. "...maybe." you mumbled.

Spencer just laughs at the little banter you just had. "Let's save it for when we're home. It'll give me time to really think about it."

As you're left there speechless, your clouded mind is interrupted by the look on his face as he looks at the dick shaped candy they had.

"Ok, ok," you giggled, "let me go find what I'm looking for and then my errands are done. I'm ready to just sit back on the couch, put a fire on, and relax."

From there you went to the middle of the store, where you grabbed a green rolling tray with a panda on his back smoking a joint, a hot pink grinder, and a game controller ashtray before going up to the cashier to pay. You then headed back to the car and headed off to the cabin.

The cabin hadn't changed a bit, with its Christmas lights still hung and the skeleton that was sitting on the porch chair. You thought maybe your dad did all this while you two were on your way, but whatever the reason, you could tell that Spencer was already in love with it once he saw the skeleton. You forgot how big the cabin was. It wasn't small like a fairy's cottage, but you could say it was smaller than Rossi's mansion.

The smell of pine needles and fire smoke filled your head with nostalgia as you entered. You dropped your bags and plopped on the couch. You felt at home, and with Spencer, the feeling was stronger than you could've ever felt. You let out a big sigh, smiling as you hold one of the couch pillows to your chest.

"If your father built this cabin, he's the genius not me." Spencer joked as he moved your legs over so he could sit down next to you. He let your legs rest on his lap, rubbing your legs awkwardly, giving you that awkward white guy smile.

"How about you put the bags in the bedroom and then we'll go exploring," you said as you adjusted your position, using the armrest as support, "I haven't been here in years and I'm feeling very nostalgic."

"Sounds like a plan!...um..." Spencer looks around the living room, trying to find the bedroom.

"Oh, sorry! It's straight down that hall on your left." You pointed over to the hallway next to him. Once he saw the open doors to the bedroom he grabbed your bags and sat them down. You got up as he walked to the room and started exploring. You started in the kitchen, looking back on the times you'd bake the most gooey chocolate chip cookies as your dad cooked the family stew. Your father always had a hobby for making food, didn't matter if it was a meaty dish or a beautiful dessert. You thought nothing could beat your father's cooking, and that became especially true when you went to college.

As you were walking to the hall, you noticed Spencer admire the artwork that was hanging on the walls. "Did you know that the first log cabins that were built in America were emigrants from Sweden and Finland?" He asked. "They had been building them for 1,000 years, prior to coming here."

"That's very interesting," you said loudly as I walked to my old room, "I didn't know that." Something you always loved was to listen to people talk. Spencer was known for rambling about something when he should've been keeping it case related. He'd start off with giving them what they wanted to know, but then get so excited that he kept going on. It was something you did, too, but only around those you were comfortable around and that was very rare.

As he continued to ramble facts about the paintings, you looked around the familiar room that felt a bit distant. Your dad had turned your old room into an office. All the bright lilac walls had turned to gray, and your bed with a matching white desk were replaced with a black leather couch and a black, very sophisticated desk. Pictures of the two of you mixed with Red Wing merchandise hung on the walls and sat at his desk.

"Uuuuhh, Y/N?" Spencer called, "you might want to see this!

With a confused look on your face, you walked out of the office and back out to the living room where you see him hold a ziplock bag. Inside was a small stash of something similar that you bought that day.

"Where did you find all that weed?" you asked.

"I was looking at the books on this bookcase and as I took one out to explore further, this fell out with it."

You start exploring on your own. It had to be here. It'd make complete sense.

"What are you looking for?"

You ignore him for a moment before finding it. That son of a bitch.

You show Spencer the glass piece you found, the light in the room making its blue accent glow.

"Is that a erlenmeyer flask?" He asked, looking puzzled.

You couldn't help but laugh at his innocence. "You're cute," you said, "but no, it's a bong! My dad's a sneaker bastard. I never knew he smoked-" you stopped in your tracks for a moment, thinking. "...I don't know how I feel about that information."

Spencer chuckles as you go through your mini life crisis. You notice his eyes then move in different directions. It took you a minute to realize what he was looking at. He would look at you, then look at the bong, then at the bag of weed, and continue the cycle. A grin fell upon your face, making Spencer grin a evil, yet goofy smile.

"Let's get comfortable first," you propose, "I'll heat up our pizza's and grab the salads, you grab the rock'n'rye and then we'll get to smokiiin."

Without a second thought, the two of you rushed to get into pajamas. You both had decided that Christmas pajamas was the way to go with how cold it was going to be. Coming out of the bedroom as Spencer came out of the bathroom, you both laugh at the fact that you pretty much had the same theme going. While Spencer was wearing a red long sleeve with the vintage coke'a'cola Santa Clause, you wore a white fitted shirt with the coke's'cola polar bears on it. Your pants were pretty much the same red and black checkered flannels, but while Spencer wore just regular slippers, you had on Rudolph the red nose reindeer fuzzy socks.

After heating up the pizza and pouring the drinks, your grab your food and went for the couch. You sat it on the coffee table in front of you before grabbing the bong, along with the bag and your grinder. As you began to grind the flower, you looked over to Spencer, who seemed to be really loving the pop through the nervousness on his face.

"Are you sure you want to try smoking out of a bong, Spence?" you asked, "Because you don't have to if you're too nervous."

"No no, I do want to! I'm just getting excited that's all."

"You're ok with your mouth being on the same place mine has?"

He was quiet for a moment. "No spit will be on this," you explain, taking the look on his face as a maybe, "but we have our napkins if you want to wipe."

"Ok, good!" He sighed out of relief.

Once the bud was grounded, you took some out with your fingers and packed it in the bowl, rubbing your fingers together to get some of the sticky stuff off. You then put on some music from you groovy playlist on your phone, connecting it to the bluetooth speakers that surrounded the room.

As you put your mouth on the top, lighting the bowl, you move the flame over half of it, letting Spencer have the other half. You felt eyes burning on you as you took the bowl out and inhaled. You held the smoke in your lungs for a few moments before a cloud formed in front of your face.

You handed the bong and lighter to Spencer, showing him what to do. You reminded him to inhale as he held the flame to the bowl. You watch as he did exactly what you did, copying your movements from memory. When he exhaled, the cloud of smoke was a bit bigger than yours was, you were shocked that he didn't have a coughing fit afterward.

He sat it down on the coffee table and sat back on the couch, letting the sensations take over his body. You grabbed the bong again and took another hit, handing it to Spencer afterward. He surprisingly took it from your hands and took another rip. You ended up doing this a few more times until your grinder was empty. You took the last bong rip, setting it back down and slouched on the couch.

By this time, the munchies had kicked in. You both devoured your dinner in a matter of minutes. But the tingles slowly left your body once you finished, so you grabbed the bong and your grinder again. This time, you took the bottom part off, looking at the leftover bits of the bud that turned into almost a powder form. You then grabbed your bag from the dispo that was sitting on the table next to you, and grabbed the flower you had bought. You took the cherry pie bud out of its container and ground it up.

You looked over to Spencer, who was just feeling the music. He looked very much relaxed, staring at the ceiling fan that hung above them.

After taking a huge rip from the bong, you coughed out a bit as you sat it back down. Without even realizing, you sneaked your way under his arm, laying your head on his chest. He put his arms around you, letting you snuggle into him.

With the light of the moon now being your only source of light, and the song Instant Crush playing in the background, you felt safe in his arms. Nothing could've ruined this moment. All you wanted was him and him alone.

"You're like a beautiful dragon, Y/N." You heard Spencer say.

You look up at him with a confused look on your face. "What do you mean by that?"

"When you exhaled. When I exhaled, even. We were like dragons blowing fire. It was so cool."

He was definitely gone, it was pretty obvious. But hearing him babble on and on about being dragons made you smile and giggle. It was contagious, making Spencer giggle with you, and then you couldn't stop. Your stomach and cheeks were hurting at this point.

Once the giggling calmed down, you looked up at him, as he looked down at you. Without a thought in mind, you both leaned and kissed. Your lips hovered over the other for a moment, before leaning back in, your lips melting together as your tongues attacked the other. His right hand in your hair, and his left cupping the side of your face.

After a minute, Spencer broke away and spoke. "I don't care what we are right now," he said, "we can talk about that another time. Right now, I just want you."

You smiled and went back in. He smiled through the kiss, letting tongue go back to where it belonged.

And there you stayed, kissing here and there, taking a few more hits before you both passed out on the couch, your arms still around the other.

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler #mgg #spencer reid fluff #mgg fluff #criminal minds #cm #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fan fiction #criminal minds fic

[unmaskedagain]

Five boys the Batfamily scared off (And the one boy who helped Marinette get revenge on them all)

This is actually based off a prompt/ask I got by #vixen-Uchiha

Okay, believe it or not, I’ve in history of all my days writing fanfiction (I just turned 27 and have been writing since I was sixteen); I started when Twilight was still at the height of its popularity. (All that work has been deleted, burned, and doused with holy water; don’t ask questions) But even with almost a decade of writing fanfiction, I never even considered approaching this fanfiction classic.

Until now.

Wish me luck. And don’t judge me too harshly.

Note this was also inspired by a poem I loved called To the Boys Who May One Day Date My Daughter by Jesse Parent

 Marinette always knew Tom was her step-father. Sabine and he married when she was three after all. And while she considered the great cuddly bear to be her dad, she still had a great relationship with her actual father: Bruce Wayne. And all her brothers and Sister.  She spent every summer with them and every other Christmas in Gotham. She loved her family. She just wished they take a chill pill.

And stop scaring away her freaking boyfriends.

Lê Chiến Kim: The Boy who swears Marinette’s related to the Boogieman

           If anyone asked Marinette now if she would ever date Kim, she’d have died of laughter. Kim was like a goofy cousin. They were great friends. Their moms were best friends. She just didn’t see him like that.

           However, it wouldn’t have been so funny to six-year-old Marinette who ran from school with a Daisy in her hair and a big smile her face.

“Daddy, Daddy,” She’d squeal to her Papa later that day. She barely noticed he was still wearing bat uniform, except the mask. Or all her brothers were with him.

“Hey Sunshine,” Bruce smiled lovingly at his youngest daughter. “You have a good day at school.”

“Give ‘em hell, firecracker,” Jason called from the background.

           Tim and Dick laughed. Bruce just shook his head amused.

“I got a boyfriend!”    

           Silence.

           That day would forever be known as the day all the smiles died. Seven-year-old Damian just blinked in confusion. He didn’t know what had happened but he knew it was bad. And that it involved his sister. Was she in danger? Did she need help?

           Before Bruce could process or respond to his precious, baby girl, who was way too young to date (And what the hell was Sabine thinking?). Dick literally pushed him out of his chair like it was nothing. “What’s his name? Who are his parents? Where does he live? And where can I find him right now?”

           Marinette, being too young didn’t notice the threat in her eldest brother’s voice and the look of murder in his eyes, had no problem telling Dick all about her best friend Kim, who was super nice, and gave her a Daisy, and kissed her cheek.

           When the call ended, Bruce brought up the picture of the boy in question. A nice-enough looking boy to most, but he knew the truth. He knew the evil in his heart.

I have been waiting for you, Bruce thought, not just to Kim but to all the boys who would day date his daughter, since before she was even born. Before you took your first steps, I was preparing to make it so you’d never walk again.

           However, Kim was still just a child. He needed a kinder touch. He looked back at his children: Dick, Jason, Cassandra, Tim, and Damian, and made his choice.

           When Dick showed up to walk her to the school the next day, Marinette didn’t think to question how her brother got from Gotham to Paris so quick. (Cough, misuse of Zeta beam). Or why he was dressed in all black with a scary biker jacket on. She just shrugged and let him help her tie her shoes and carry her bright pink, hello kitty, and backpack.

           He held her hand the entire way to school, where Kim and his dad were waiting by the doors. Kim had another daisy in his hand that he gave to Marinette.

“This is Dick,” Marinette introduced her brother. “My biggest brother. This is Kim, my boyfriend,” Kim preened. “Look, Dick, Kim got me another daisy.”

           Dick beamed at his sweet little sister, “I see. Hey! Isn’t that you’re friend Rose? Why don’t you go show her?”

“Okay!” And she ran off.

           As soon as she was gone, Dick’s smile quickly disappeared and he glared at the little Casanova, and his father, who felt like someone had just walked over his grave.

“My sister is a little young for a serious boyfriend,” Dick hissed. “Don’t you think? Don’t want her to grow up too fast, right?” The two could only nod in fear. “Good. Don’t hurt her. Don’t make her cry. Because I’d hate to have to have another talk with you, Chiến. It might not go as… nicely.” And with that, he left to go find his sister, leaving two terrified people in in wake.

           That conversation would be the reason Kim broke up with Marinette over recess but to the girl’s dismay and why the boy wouldn’t allowed to date for another ten years.

           Looking back Kim would swear darkness and shadows started to fill the schoolyard. That Marinette’s older brother’s voice got deeper and his eyes turned completely black. He had been a living nightmare, one that would haunt his dreams for years.

Marinette wouldn’t get another boyfriend for years.

 Chat Noir aka Adrien Agreste; The Boy who just didn’t want to Get Neutered

           Marinette never considered Adrien or Chat Noir her boyfriend. He had been her best friend, her partner, and for a long time, her crush. However, before Marinette found out who was behind the mask, and he earned the title of her best friend in the whole world.

Chat Noir had the title of Guy who can’t take a hint.

           They had been just thirteen at the time. Chat had been spending for more and more time flirting with Ladybug and joking around then actually taking the fight seriously. And when he wouldn’t get the response he wanted from his Lady, he’d pout or throw a tantrum and storm off. It had been getting to be a real hassle. And as much as she liked Chat, she had been seriously considering Master Fu’s offer of getting her a permanent partner to replace him.

           Then one day if all change. All the silly behavior, most of it anyway, and the constant flirting all stopped and never started back up. It would take Marinette months to find out why.

           Unbeknownst to Marinette, her Papa, Bruce had been keeping a watchful eye on the deteriorating situation. The flirting, his daughter’s frustration, the lack of care. It had to be stopped. Chat Noir had a few lessons to learn.

           Bruce glared harshly at the image of the cat-themed Superhero. He was proving to be a useless partner for Ladybug. And a prime example for a sexual harassment claim. “You’re sure you can handle this,” He asked son.

           Damian scoffed, “I will teach that alley cat the true meaning of fear.”

“Go.”

           When his son was gone and Bruce was once again alone in the Batcave, he smirked darkly at Chat Noir and all other boys who would come and go. “When you were still playing war in the school yard, I was perfecting headshots. You can’t catch up at this point.”

           One night, after a particularly hazardous fight with an Akuma, Chat Noir had been running home when suddenly everything went dark.

           He woke up, tied upside down, and gagged. For a few moments he thought Hawkmoth had finally gotten, wondered if this was the end.

           When a sword pressed against his throat, and a chilling voice whispered in his ear, “Care to find out just how many lives you really have, fleabag?”

           At the moment, Chat Noir no longer wondered if it was the end. He knew it was.

           A boy, Robin, he realized glared fiercely at him.

“I should kill you,” Robin sneered. “I should rip you limb from limb and leave your head mounted on a spike to show the next fool who thought he was worthy of my sister’s hand. Ladybug is too good for the likes of scum like you.”

           Chat Noir gulped. Sister? Ladybug was Robin’s sister. Adrien’s eyes widened, that meant Ladybug was Batman daughter. He was going to die. He was just going to disappear and his father, or most likely Nathalie, wouldn’t even notice until he failed to show up for his next appointment.

Gorilla would notice though, Adrien thought, he’d miss me.

           Robin pressed the tip of the sword to Adrien’s face until blood was drawn. “You will cease your incessant flirting with my sister. You will train harder for your battles. And you never, ever, leave Ladybug to fight alone again. Am I clear?”

           Adrien nodded his head earnestly. He’d never flirt with anyone again, he swore. He wouldn’t even celebrate Valentine’s Day. Or anything.

“And if for some miracle,” Robin hissed, “My sister deems you suitable to date, you will treat her will respect. You will never touch her without permission. And if you hurt her, Consider my genes a mark of Cain; you will suffer seven times whatever you do to her.”

           Chat Noir whimpered.

           A smoke bomb later. Chat Noir’s bonds were released and Robin was gone.

           It took a long time for him to stop shaking.

           He never flirted with Ladybug again. He worked harder and became the partner she deserved.

           And when Adrien discovered Marinette was behind Ladybug’s mask, he only managed to stumble a little.

           However, when Marinette told him that her brothers was coming for a visit; she couldn’t understand why he paled and stuttered out excuses for photoshoot he never mentioned before in far, far away countries. That same day, Adrien had his father taken them to Australia for vacation under the threat of Adrien dying his hair pink. He wouldn’t return for a month.

Jon Kent: The Boy who, in retrospect, really should’ve known better.

           Marinette’s first real boyfriend was the son of her father’s best friend, Clark Kent, otherwise known as Superman.  She had been only fourteen and it had been a summer romance while she stayed in Gotham. She had thought Jon was perfect; handsome, kind, funny…

           Invulnerable to most weapons and had amazing healing factor.

           Plus it’s not like her papa would kill the son of his best friend, right?

           Right.

           It had all been going great… until it wasn’t.

“I welcome you in my home,” Bruce hissed at the picture of Jon Kent on the bat computer. “I trained you. I trusted you. And you betrayed me.”

“Let me speak with him, father,” Damian demanded. “He is my friend. He will listen to me.”

           Bruce shook his head, “That’s why I can’t send you. You’re too close to the situation. He snuck past all our defense. Now I have no choice but to do same. J?”

           The Asian girl smirked, “Little Superboy will know dread.”

           Jon had been visiting the fortress of Solitude when… it happened.

           Before that day he had never dreamed the place would be anything less than safe, anything other than secure.

           His dad had just flown off to help someone in Brazil. Jon waited patiently for him to come back while he dreamed of his beautiful new girlfriend. Marinette was amazing, perfect, and the nicest, sweetest girl ever.

           When suddenly he felt a tickle in his throat, and he tried his best to clear it but it just got worse and worse. Until Jonathan Samuel Kent, Superboy (now that Connor was going as Krypton), fell to his knees as he struggled to breath.

           No matter what he did, the more breaths he took, the worse he felt. It was like his lungs were on fire.

“Do not struggle,” A voice said. Jon looked up see Blackbat, Cassandra, standing above him. How did she get into the fortress? Not only could only a Kryptonian open the doors but only a member of El could be let in. It was impossible. “Struggling makes it worse.”

           Jon coughed, “What?”

“The air,” Cassandra waved her hand around. “It is filled with dust. Green dust of Kryptonite. It has disable you and your powers. It’s concentrated. You will not die. The alerts of the fortress were disabled. No one is coming to help you, villain.”

           Jon shook his head frantically. He wasn’t a villain. He wasn’t a bad guy. This had to be some mistake.

“No, not villain,” Cassandra corrected. “Not yet. A thief who thought he could earn my family’s trust and then steal away our most precious jewel; our princess. And do it without consequences. I am here to teach you better.”

           Superboy flinched at her words.

“You will not pressure my sister,” Cassandra hissed. “You will be the gentleman we believed you to be. If you cheat on her, I will ensure you never have children. If you strike her, I will know. She will not keep your secret. You can’t make fire feel afraid. And I will come for you. Do you understand?”

Jon nodded, fear in clear in his eyes.

“Good.” She leaned forward, right into the young superhero’s face. “Some say you and your father, your cousin Kara, and Connor, are invincible. That you can’t be stopped. That you are gods among us.” She scoffed. “Let me make this, if you break my sisters’ heart, you will learn, boy of steel, that even gods bleed.”

           And then she was gone, and with her all traces of kryptonite. It didn’t stop the chill that filled Jon to the core.

           It was to no one’s surprise when Superman showed up at the Batcave not long after. “Bruce,” Clark asked with his arms out. “What the fuck?”

           Marinette’s relationship soured when suddenly Jon was too scared to hold her hand, her be alone with her, or kiss her. She got the hint that he just wanted to be friends and broke it.

           She found out a year later what really happened.

Luka Couffaine: The Boy who decided he didn’t want to sing his tune yet.

           Luka had been Marinette’s first serious boyfriend. She was sixteen. They had been together for months and were getting to the ‘I love you’ stage.

           He was cool. He was funny. He was a budding Rock star. He had dyed green hair, tattoos and earrings. Luka went onto tour with his band every summer. He was older than Marinette by two years. He had quite a few previous girlfriends. And he hadn’t been scared off by the normal attempts by his other kids.

           In other words, he was Bruce Wayne’s worst nightmare.

           And the nightmare got worse, when for the first time ever, Marinette was bringing a boyfriend home for Christmas. It was all the confirmation he needed that the things were serious.

           It was why he knew he had to send the greatest soldier he had. Luka Couffaine would rue the day he decided it was good idea to ask his princess out. “Are you ready?”

           Tim nodded. “I’ve done my research,” he declared. “I know what makes him to tick. I. Will. Break. Him.”

“Excellent,” He drawled out the word like it he tasting fine wine. Not caring at all that he sounded like a superman.

“You really think he’s a threat, dad?” Tim asked. “Because I can take care of it. I can have him eliminated. Ra's al ghul owes me a favor. It’ll look like an accident,” He promised. “It’ll look like he just… disappeared.”

A sense of pride filled Bruce. Tim was his most capable and resourceful soldier. He would make a great batman. Any of his kids would.

Batman stared the picture of the boy on his phone as he fought the urge to crush it in his hands. “No,” he finally answered. “I’ve known plenty of rock stars and so called bad boys in my day.  Angel’s smart,” he said using Marinette’s codename. “I have been routing out indifference apathy from her life, her childhood was filled with love and affection. There are no daddy issue for his teenage talons to latch upon. Just… make sure he understands who he is dealing with.”

“Understood.” And then call ended.

           He looked up and saw all the other Justice League members staring at him with expressions of awe, fear, and confusion.

“…Marinette’s got a new boyfriend, huh?” Diana asked when the call disconnected. Amusement in her tone, she knew Bruce would never seriously hurt a kid.

“Poor guy,” Barry said with a shake of his head.

           Clark pinched his nose, “You can’t keep scaring guys away from her forever. Eventually, she’s going to find one who isn’t afraid of you.”

“And then she’ll marry him out of spite,” Dinah added.

           There were snorts from the other league members.

“Like that’ll ever happen,” Oliver said with a shake of his head. “That kid would have to be the biggest moron in the universe. I’ll pity his family.”

           Marinette had constantly warned Luka about how overprotective her family was. Luka hadn’t thought much of it. He dealt with overprotective fathers and brothers before. Eventually they grudging begin to like him. Or realize that if they actively hated him, it would just make the girl get attached.

           He was excited for Christmas, excited to prove himself to the girl of his dreams, and impress her by dealing with her entire family. Luka didn’t understand why Adrien looked so afraid when he told him. Or why he asked what type of flowers he liked.

“For the funeral,” Adrien shrugged. “I need to know what to buy.”

           Luka had laughed, thinking the blond was joking. He had already met a two of her brothers; Dick and Damian. They had been growls and threats but nothing he couldn’t handle. But Adrien didn’t laugh. He just shook his head and promised he’d be there for Juleka. Luka thought he was overreacting.

           However, nothing. NOTHING. Could have prepared Luka for the first time he met Tim.

           Luka had been walking home with Kagami, his long-time friend and one-time rival for Marinette’s affection. It was board daylight, there were tons of people around, and then they had made the apparent mistake of walking by an alley, when suddenly they were pulled into the back of a van, hoods thrown over their heads, and their hands bounds.

           He didn’t know how much time had passed. Or where they were being taken. All he saw was darkness. All he felt was fear. Was this how died?

           When the hoods were finally removed, the two teenagers found themselves in what looked to be a deserted warehouse, bound to their chairs, with a teenage boy not much older than they sitting across from them, looking absurdly comfortable given the situation.

My name is Timothy Drake-Wayne. I am Marinette’s older brother,” He said. “Let me make something clear before we begin. The last hour never happened. This conversation never happened. We never met. And if you say otherwise,” Tim’s eyes narrowed.  “No one will believe you. I was just by dozens of witnesses in Mexico with my boyfriend less than two hours ago. But if you do tell anyone, there will be consequences. Do you understand?”

           They nodded not daring to say a word.

“Luka, Luka, Luka.” Tim smiled an eerie grin that should look more at home on the monsters from Horror movies, and not on such a handsome face. “I hear you’ll be visiting us over the holidays. Must be so exciting for you, meeting your girlfriend’s family. Are you excited, Luka?”

           Luka swallowed hard. He never thought he’d hate the way his own name sounded. “I was- I mean I am. I am.”

“Good,” Tim said. “I just wanted to offer you a bit of advice. So you can know to expect. You see it call all be a bit… daunting to newcomers. Some people don’t understand the Wayne family’s unique tastes. Okay?”

           He nodded.

           Tim still smiled. In fact he never lost his smile the entire time. Yet his eyes were empty like there was no real life in them. “When you first come to my home, you will see the bone carving over the doorway. It will be hard, but try not to imagine your own femurs so expertly carved.”

           At this Kagami’s eyes widened. She had done her best to remain calm but somethings were too much.

           Tim smile widened, “There are one or two rooms you will not be allowed in. However, accidents happen and we understand. But we do ask that you pay no attention to our… ample crawl space. Or the smells that can sometime come from it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Luka stuttered. “Sure, no problem. Man.”

“Try not to go into Father’s playroom,” Tim continued on. “It will be easy to spot. It’s mostly empty, apart from a rubber mat and a drain. He gets so testy when stranger go in there. You’ll hear strange noise from time to time but just ignore them. That is just father… playing.”

           The green-haired boy just stared. Because what the fuck.

“Just follow that advice, and you should be fine,” Tim promised. “Though you are a pretty one.  You both are. And we like pretty ones. Oh the things we do to pretty ones”

Luka whimpered. Kagami felt tears build in her eyes.

           Tim laughed, “Now, now, none of that,” He said channeling his inner Brucie. “We’re not going to hurt. We’d never hurt Marinette’s friends.” He promised. “We would hurt people who hurt Marinette because people who hurt Marinette are not her friends.”

           Red Robin looked over the two, “What I’m trying to say is. Break my sister’s heart, and we will kill you. I will kill you. You won’t see if coming. You won’t know we’re there. And if you’re lucky, you might not even feel it. Clear?” They nodded. “Excellent. Now you’re going to leave the same way you came. Remember not a word.” He smiled got even bigger.

           They felt hands on their shoulders.

“Oh and Kagami,” Tim’s voice rang. “Should romantic feelings spring to life between you and Marinette again, just know our sister Cassandra is much scarier than I. And a much better shot.”

           Then the black hoods and complete darkness came gain.

           When they were finally let go, in the exact same place they had been taken, neither Luka nor Kagami spoke for what seemed like forever. Their minds still wrapping around what had just taken place. However, it was Kagami who finally broke the quiet.

“Well, it appears I dodge a bullet, huh,” She shrugged, her face not betraying the fear she still felt. “Sucks for you. I’m going to go propose to Chloe. I know can I take her mom in a fight. And that she’s not a serial killer.” Kagami then gave him a grave look. “Happy holiday, Luka. I’ll send best flowers to your funeral.” And the she was gone, literally fleeing down the crowded street, leaving Luka alone with his thoughts and sense of his impending doom.

           He broke up with Marinette an hour later.

           It would take weeks before he would willingly be in a room with her again.

Kaldur'ahm: The Boy who regretted ever walking on land.

           Marinette had met her next boyfriend through her brother Tim. Ironic, considering she had just found out what he did to Luka. She had gone in for some extra training with the Black Canary when she spotted him. Kaldur; aqualad. Marinette had never talked too much with him before but found he was a very calm person and level-headed. A good leader, no matter how much Tim complained.

           They had spared together one day. And another. And Another. Then he asked her out. It was sweet… While it lasted. And it didn’t last long.

           Batman had looked at Kaldur’s picture, scoffed, and said, “Jason?”

           The sound of a gun clocking was heard, “Little Mermaids going down.”

           Unlike his brothers, Redhood had no time for mind games. He went for the quickest route.

           Aquaman burst into room where the justice league meeting was, “He shot Kaldur,” He roared to Batman. “The Red Hood shot Aqualad!”

           Bruce didn’t bat an eye, “Is he alive?”

“Yes,” The King of the seas said quickly. “But that’s not point.”

“Seems like it is,” Bruce said and went on with the meeting leaving a stuttering, red-faced Aquaman still standing there.

It was to one’s surprise when Kaldur dumped Marinette and was gone. Disappeared to the safety of Atlantis. And when he came back, Marinette was barred from Young Justice Headquarters.

It was on that day, that Marinette Dupain-Cheng-Wayne decided enough was enough.

 Roy Harper-Queen: The Boy who should start making better life choices

           It was weird to say but Marinette met the boy who would turn out to be the love of her life when she was ten-years-old. And then sometime after her eighteenth birthday, she would team up with his clone to go rescue him. They became friends, went on missions together. It was a year later that he asked her out.

           Roy was pissed at the world, ready to die for anything if it meant he’d went fight, had a rude mouth, feared nothing and no one, and didn’t play by anyone’s rule but his own. In other words, he was perfect.

           Marinette just never meant to fall in love. She certainly didn’t expect to say yes when proposed.

           They had been keeping their relationship a secret from both their families for over two years. They were happy together. They loved each other.

           But more importantly, they could plot revenge together.

           And revenge was sweet.

           It all played out during a Justice League meeting. Roy, Red Arrow, and Ladybug had been full members for quite some time. The meeting was just about to close, when Roy stood up, “I have an announcement to make,” He said. “Red Arrow will be withdrawing from missions for the perceivable future. As will Ladybug,” He looked at Marinette who nodded firmly.

“What’s going on, Roy?” Oliver asked his once wayward son, with a frown.

           Batman eyed them suspiciously. As did the other members of the batfamily, all were present. Apart from Alfred because Marinette liked Alfred.

           Wonder Woman frowned, “Are you going solo again, I thought you were happy.”

“We’re fine. We’re very happy,” Roy said slowly before taking a deep breath and doing the bravest thing he ever would in his entire life. “Ladybug’s pregnant and I’m the father.”

           A few seconds passed before the words were processed in the Superheroes mind.

           Bruce’s eyes widened, his mind stopped working, and then a snarl ripped form his throat as he moved to attack. The batkids joining him.

“Alpha Code Angelbug” Flash shouted.

           That was all the other league need to go into defensive positions around Roy, against the batfamily. Marinette remained where she was with glee in her eyes. Superman stood in front of Roy, blocking him from view and potential danger.

           The Flash, Cyborg, Black Canary, Wonder Woman, and the Green Arrow stood in front of them. Oliver aimed at arrow at Batman, “Don’t move!” He yelled. “Don’t you dare move, Bruce. I’ll do it. Roy’s my son. And I won’t let you hurt him.”

           Batman growled, “He. I. My daughter!”

“Get Roy out of here, Superman,” Wonder Woman ordered. “We’ll hold him off but we can’t do it for long.” She stepped towards Bruce. “Marinette’s a grown woman. She makes her own choices.”

           Dick shook his head, anger clear on his face, “Dude, you were my friend.”

           Damian snarled, “Harper’s a sneak and a coward.”

“No honor,” Cassandra agreed.

           Jason just looked at his best friend, “I love you…. But you’re dead.”

           Tim just growled.

“No one’s dead or dying,” Marinette said as got up. “Because I’m not pregnant,” She said loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. She walked to her boyfriend and pulled him out from behind his shield. “But Roy and I have been dating for almost three years. And we’re getting married. You can be happy for us. Or I can never talk to you again.”

           Roy grinned, “Pops,” he said to Oliver, whose face was torn between relief and fury at it was prank. “We thought you and Bruce could be the main wedding planners. With the rest of the Queens and Waynes helping out; you know now that we’re going to be family. ”

           With that the two lovebird left the room, leaving the chaos they had created.

           Silence filled the room as Batman and Green Arrow stared at the other.

           Oliver gulped. He let out a breathy chuckle, “So I think a wedding in Star City would be great. Lots of Lilies. The Queen family loves lilies.”

           Batman’s eyes narrowed, “Gotham, roses.”

           Black Canary crossed her arms, “Star City would be safer.”

“Gotham is far more beautiful,” Tim snapped back.

           And just like that, battle lines were drawn. Justice League members’ face turned weary.

           Whether they knew it or not, that was Marinette and Roy’s last act of revenge.

           Forget Batman vs Superman.

           Try Bruce Wayne versus Oliver Queen: billionaire against billionaire, father against father. Elsewhere, thousands of journalist, photographers, florists, and caterers trembled and they didn’t know why.

#LadyArrow #Marienette Dupain Cheng #Marinette deserves better #batfamily #oliver queen #roy harper #Tim Drake #cassandra cain #dick grayson #damian wayne #jason todd #ml fic #ml salt #vixen-uchiha

[heartachebf]

16, 17 (Tweek), and 25 -Batz 🖤💜

fandom asks

16. favorite behind-the-scenes insight ive actually got 2 answers for this !! first off, i love the fact that kenny is based off a Real Life kid trey knew growing up, who was Also named kenny n wore an orange coat that nobody could hear him over And was the poorest kid in town. and i rly love that kyle is blatantly based off matt stone ^_^ i have a big gay crush on matt so obvi that makes kyle one of my favs

17. 3 things you love about [insert character]

1. the fact that he can play piano And sing And act ^_^ i love that artsy little dweeb so much 2. the fact that his tics slowly got better over the years... sobbing n wailing.... AND the fact that he barely tics when hes around craig.... love wins 3. i love that he can kick ass should he choose to ^_^ he could maim someone so easily and i think he deserves to bonus number 4 bc i love him so much. i love that he can bake ^_^ i like to think that he stress bakes and will try out new recipes n then he'll take what he baked to school to let his friends try ^_^ hes god tier actually

25. favorite episode of [insert season] u didnt specify which season, so ill give my favs of each season (below the cut bc this post is getting long) (id also probs do this even if u Did specify which season bc. peace and love)

s1: i cant pick between episode 7, black friday (bc i Love the feel of all the early halloween episodes) or episode 10, damien (bc damien supremacy ^_^ im forever obsessed w the fact that he, the son of satan, has a super high pitched voice)

s2: EPISODE 17, GNOMES !!!!! i think that was tweeks first introduction and as such, its my fav ^_^ i rly love his voice in that ep <3

s3: episode 5, tweek vs craig, bc duh ^_^ the beginning of an era <3 plus its proof that tweek is tough n doesnt need protecting

s4: either episode 6, cherokee hair tampons (bc i love how fiercely stan tries to help kyle + its revealed that kyle has diabetes ^_^ i will forever cry over the fact that stan didnt hesitate to offer his kidney to save kyles life) or episode 8, something you can do with your finger (bc i love their silly little boy band + i love wendy joining their boy band + kyle wanting to be the tough one of the band + randy backstory/him being a lil insane but in a funny way)

s5: episode 3, super best friends ^_^ the origin of stan n kyle being super best friends ^_^ i also kinda love episode 10, how to eat with your butt, bc kenny is very endearing in it And we finally get to see what kyles hair looks like <3

s6: either episode 9, free hat, or episode 11, child abduction is not funny bc theres so much excellent tweek content ^_^ i also like ep11 bc of how dumb the parents are in that one, thats always amusing

s7: either episode 8, south park is gay (the fact that everyone was acting a lil fruity ^_^ gay rights ^_^ and also kyle rejecting dressing fruity and getting made fun of for that. so funny considering the fact that he Is gay, i prommy, kyle told me himself) or episode 14, raisins (bc butters was very sweet that episode + goth stan was introduced ^_^)

s8: omg this ones so hard to pick. i love episode 4, you got f'd in the a, bc stan having to get in a dance battle??? comedy gold. i love episode 6, the jeffersons, bc we stan n kyle being dads to blanket, gay ptide. and then i also love episode 11, quest for ratings, bc i love the guys having their own news team And i love that craig had a show dedicated to just showing cute animals. dork craig rights

s9: episode 10, follow that egg ... more silly little stan n kyle content ... stan gets rly fruity here and im obsessed w it. that whole episode gives me silly little au ideas ^_^

s10: episode 14, stanleys cup. froths at the mouth. that one anon of mine, hockey fic anon? theyre writing a silly little fic based off an au of That episode ^_^ that ep is so quality

s11: goes insane. episode 8, le petit tourette bc i loved seeing cartman in anguish + dork craig content. episodes 10, 11, and 12 aka the imaginationland trilogy bc. god. just so good. i cant even explain it. episode 13, guitar queer-o bc it gives me Another great au idea + stan n kyle are fruity in it. and finally, episode 14, the list, bc there was lots of good wendy content And kyle got a little unhinged ^_^ as he deserves <3

s12: this is another one where its so hard to pick... episode 1, tonsil trouble, bc kyle got to go in attack mode again. episode 3, major boobage, bc we got silly little kenny content ^_^ episode 9, breast cancer show ever, bc thats when wendy beat the shit out of cartman <3 episodes 10 and 11, pandemic and pandemic 2, bc. craig content ^_^ and also ive already talked on my blog abt how its the best 2 parter ever. and episode 13, elementary school musical, bc stans gang was particularly goofy n their musical number was so fun ^_^

s13: episode 8, dead celebrities, bc kyle and ike content!!! i love them so much!!! and also episode 11, whale whores, bc stan Attacked And Killed all for the love of animals, n i love him for it

s14: episodes 11, 12, and 13, tha superhero episodes ^_^ i loved getting to see everyones superhero costumes in action And we got to learn more abt kennys immortality, which was so exciting !!

s15: episodes 7 and 8, youre getting old and ass burgers. starts sniffling and crying and collapses on the floor while sobbing. thats all i have to say about that, peace and love

s16: episode 5, butterballs (bc stan is so! hes just so !!! yknow. the anti bullying song in it is So good, And i live for butters standing up for himself ^_^ also the song at the end is god tier), episode 6, i never shouldve gone ziplining (its so fuckn funny, and i live for the live action bit at the end), and episode 11, going native (bc of that sweet, sweet butters n kenny content ^_^ i also live for butters Attacking in it)

s17: episode 4, goth kids 3: dawn of the posers. probably my fav goth kids centric episode ^_^ its so good n funny

s18: episode 3, the cissy. starts sniffling and crying again, but this time in transgender mode. i also love episode 6, freemium isnt free bc we get another Glimpse into stans issues w addiction ^_^ peace and love on planet earth

s19: episode 6, tweek x craig. love wins, gay ptide, etc etc

s20: um. i actually kinda hated this season. but ig if i Had to choose one, itd be episode 10, the end of serialization as we know it, bc it finally ended that season ^_^ no offense to any s20 stans out there, i just thought it was so boring

s21: episode 2, put it down. tweek n craig content, gay ptide ^_^ this is also the one where we learned that tweek can sing, play piano, And bake, and we also got to see craig learn how to support tweek better, which was very sweet ^_^

s22: episode 10, bike parade. i didnt super love this season either, so its kinda a case of picking the one i wasnt bored with. plus in a way it kinda felt like one of the original episodes, it was like a lil blast from the past !

s23: episode 2, band in china ^_^ we got stans band, crimson dawn !! it was great learning more abt how stan felt abt having to move to a farm, plus butters ripping it on a guitar was so funny. and then randy did stuff too idk

s24: this season has just been the 2 specials so far, but i liked the vaccination special, episode 2 the best ^_^ bc 1, the brovorce arc started, n im rly excited to see what happens with that. and also the way it ended left me hopeful that maybe the shows gonna go back to the way it used to be a little bit <3 i also liked how we saw stan gettin really mentally ill with freaking out over the pandemic, but that mightve been in the first episode instead...

#collapses into a heap. it took me forever to write this #but thats ok bc ur worth it dude ^_^ #honestly i dont super remember s20 and onward so. my favs might change when i get to rewatching those #but oh well ^_^ peace and love #craig.txt #asks #south park tag #baz/ezra/magnus tag

[kimpossibooty]

Hi friend, I literally just finished the latest episode of TAZ:G when I saw your post. What's not working for you about this one? Did you like their other arcs?

Okay so I have a lot of thoughts BUT first I want to talk about things that I do like!

1) I love TAZ! I’ve loved every season and every mini arc, I love the boys, I would listen to them play monopoly for ninety minutes every other week!

2) The premise is amazing! A magical school for heroes and villains is ingenious, but adding on the extra layer of an annex for sidekicks and henchmen and having the story based there? Amazing! There could not be a better setting for a story or a concept more directly up my alley!

3) The characters are great! I love all of the PCs and most of the NPCs! Plus, it’s fantastic that Travis is working so hard to include diverse characters in a way that doesn’t feel forced or poorly handled! As a disabled person who uses a mobility aid due to a chronic pain issue, having Rainer be introduced in the way that she was and having her be so badass and funny without her disability being framed as a punchline or a liability has been AMAZING for me! 

Buuuuuut there are definitely things that are falling flat for me.

I really want to couch this in positivity though! I listen to every episode and enjoy it, and I plan to listen to the whole season still! Just there are aspects that make it really hard for me to get into, so I really can’t immerse myself in Graduation the way that I’ve been able to in basically every other story they’ve done.

That said though, there are problems I’ve had that have already been improved! I had a lot of trouble keeping track of what was happening in the first few episodes, mostly due to the characters. A ton of NPCs were introduced at once, they didn’t have very distinct voices, they weren’t given enough defining characteristics that I could easily match a name to a character, and the way Travis told the story didn’t really include much in the way of telling which character was speaking. Instead, he mostly just spoke in the character voice, but with the voices not being very different and there not being enough background with the characters to just know who would be speaking in the moment or what character would most make sense to be saying a given line, it was VERY difficult for me to keep track. I had to listen to the first several episodes three times just to actually track the story.

BUT that’s gotten much better! Travis has really developed a lot of the voices used in the story, and he points out who’s speaking most of the time! Whether he got feedback on that or just got more into the role of a storyteller that he picked up the habit naturally, it’s made the show so much better to me! 

But there are some other things that haven’t really improved/don’t seem likely to change. But that’s okay! I want to be super explicit that this is ME talking about MY feelings, and not me trying to pass judgement on the show or say that it’s objectively bad. These are just my feelings and they don’t impact or reflect the general quality of the show or the ability for other people to enjoy the show fully or not be bothered by my complaints or anything like that.

1) I feel like there’s not a lot of respect for character backstories? This is a very very specific complaint, but the choice to have Fitzroy’s family not actually be royalty really sits weird with me. Of course, we’re just the listeners at home, it’s very possible this was discussed off air for the sake of the narrative, but it felt really, really weird that it was such a big part of Fitzroy’s character and then Travis just turned his dad into a trucker. I know that [BALANCE SPOILERS] Griffin gave all of the player characters FORGOTTEN LIVES AND LOVED ONES, but it was done in a way that didn’t invalidate a single thing about the stories the others had already told. It feels less “yes, and” and more “no, instead” and it’s just really kind of thrown me off. As a player, I would be less than stoked if a DM made that choice for my character. But again, very possible they discussed this! Or even that it was Griffin’s choice! But there was zero build up (at least that I caught) in the narrative, so it really felt off.

2) The pacing can be... rough. There are some beats that Travis tries to set up that would probably work well for a normal game, but they don’t always offer a lot for a story with an audience. For example, in episode 160, the guys kind of recap everything they know, then go talk to the wizard in the camp. The wizard offers nothing in the way of information, but then asks them to recap everything they know AGAIN, solely for Travis to justify an NPC being up to speed. It didn’t offer anything to the players or to the narrative. The guys pretty much vetoed that in character, so there wasn’t a lot of lost time there or anything, but there have been encounters like this a lot. I just feel like every couple episodes there are conversations or meetings or encounters that Travis sets up that definitely would flesh out a story in a book but really don’t work as a piece of entertainment. In a book, it can be written off as “they caught the wizard up on everything”, but to do it all in character would be very boring and take a lot of time, and it seems like there are points where Travis focuses more on justifying things in-world rather than thinking about the end product. Again, would totally work in a normal game or in a book, but I just don’t enjoy that sort of thing when I’m listening to a podcast, and it seems like the other guys might be aware of it sometimes, too.

3) This one’s my biggest problem, but the inconsistency I feel in the tone really makes it hard for me to take it seriously. I feel like Travis leans into silliness in a fun way, but not enough. He sets up a lot of serious beats, but then there’s a lot of “the spirit of the Scarlet WoOOOODS” followed by some pretty heavy silences. He wants to deliver a serious, meaningful story, which is great, and he wants to do it in a funny way, which is great, but he really hasn’t found a balance in my eyes. The seriousness makes the jokes feel out of place, and the jokes make it difficult to take the serious parts... seriously. The goofiness itself is great, I love it, and a lot of the humor lands and lands well! The dancing squirrel skeletons are arguably the best thing TAZ has ever made! But I feel like if he wants to really play with the humor, he has to lean into it more, and he really hasn’t yet, and when a joke doesn’t land, like the repeated “SpIrIt Of ThE sCaRlEt WoOoOoOoOoDs”, it really stops things up and makes me almost uncomfortable listening to it. 

I think also a part of it is that it’s hard to tell what’s supposed to be funny IN the story vs what’s funny ABOUT the story. Like, again, the scarlet woods bit could be objectively funny in its own. Centaurs insisting on pronouncing the name of a deity-adjacent spirit in a dramatic and ridiculous way? That’s great. But it’s hard to tell if the characters in the world are supposed to take it seriously or not. Like, if I was a player, I wouldn’t know if my character thought that it was funny, or if the DM was only doing it for the amusement of the players and not the characters. I feel like as an audience member, it’s a weird place to be.

But all that said, I really want to emphasize that I love what Travis is doing! It’s definitely not about his DM style, because I LOVED Dust! Just there are a lot of things in Graduation that aren’t sticking for me. 

Ultimately, I love the show, I will keep listening, I’m very invested and very positive, I just really, really, really hope some changes get made for things like this.

#please don't cancel me

[cordoniantrash]

Once Upon Another Time: Chapter Eight

AU: In another time where the brothers Beaumont did not reach Cassandra in time, the waitress turned lady went back to New York to rebuild her old life. After finding an unexpected souvenir, she set off and joined her long lost family. Four years later, a newly divorced King of Cordonia arrives in New York in hopes of reuniting with his beloved. Instead of Cassandra, all he found was a postcard with the word Edgewater written on the back

Catch up here: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Plus a masterlist if you guys are interested.

An update at last! So so sorry for the delay you guys! As always huge thanks to @thequeennefertipi​ for being my beta. Chapter nine might take a while, as there’s gonna be a lot of moving parts (plus I’ve got to study for an important thing) but don’t worry, I’m finishing this series before diving into other wips that kinda accumulated these last few months. 

Spelling and grammatical errors are mine.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, Pixleberry has that privilege. Title for both the series and the chapter titles, plus the epigraphs are from Sara Bareilles’ discography.  

Pairings: Liam x MC

Warning: blink and you’ll miss it hint of smut

Words: 6296

Chapter Eight: Bad Idea

Hold me tight as I tell myself that you might make sense

And make good what has been just so bad

 There was whistling in the halls of Edgewater. Pausing at her open doorway, Cassandra smiled and shook her head. The summer morning had dawned bright and early, and even Cassie, who loved to sleep in, could not deny the allure of spending most of the day outdoors. 

A door opened. There was a squeal, and Cassie heard the patter of running feet. She took that as her cue to step out of her room. The sight that greeted her in the hallway caused a toothy grin. Lucas had clambered up to his father’s arms and was hanging onto Liam’s elbows. 

“Careful…” Cassie scolded lightly. Father and son, both with identical startled expressions, turned to her direction. 

“Mommy!” Lucas exclaimed as he climbed down from Liam’s arms and raced to her side. “You’re up early!”

Amusement was clear on Liam’s face. He looked to be on the verge of laughter. Cassie shot Liam a stern look. 

“Not a word,” she grumbled. 

“Of course not,” he answered, a smile tugging on his lips. He walked towards her and Lucas, gently taking her hand when he finally reached them. She squeezed his hand. The morning sunlight streamed through the windows, lighting up the hallway. Cassandra took the time to admire his smile and the way his brown eyes lit up with it.

“Good morning,” he murmured. They exchanged soft smiles. Her mind flashed back to the memories of the night before. Her smile widened, eyes crinkling on the edges. The world looked brighter, the sunlight golden, the gardens lush with blooming flowers, the very air full of new possibilities. Of life. 

“‘Morning…” she answered, her voice also dropping. They stayed rooted on the spot for a moment. Cassie knew they looked rather silly: two grown adults with goofy smiles in the middle of the hallway, but she found that she couldn’t bring herself to care. She hadn’t felt this light in years. 

“Mommy?” Lucas piped up. 

“Yes, baby?”

“Can we go to the big fish house today?”

“Fish house?” Liam asked.

“The local aquarium,” Cassie answered. “It’s near his playgroup’s building.”

“It’s awesome Dad! And when we’re good, we can pet the fish too!” his eyes widened in realisation and he started bouncing up and down. “You can come with us!”

Liam looked at her, a question in his eyes. Cassie shrugged lightly, masking the hope that had sprung inside her, “I mean… if you’re not busy?”

Liam shook his head, his smile still on his face, “Not really. Besides, I won’t say no to more time together.”

Excitement shot through her. Cassie grinned. “Great! Um… I’ll get Lucas dressed and then we can go. We can have breakfast in this café, and—“

“Then we pet the fishes!” Lucas finished, bouncing once more. Cassie and Liam shot each other fond smiles as they went in separate directions.

----

The café was a charming little place, especially in the morning light. A picturesque little shop surrounded by old bricks and cobblestone streets. Near the old town square, it was almost similar to the little bakery that they went to in Cordonia. As they approached the little shop, Liam was suddenly hit with the thought they actually invited him into a day in their lives. He was not just given a glimpse. He was there, knee-deep and on his way to being submerged. Lucas had taken him by the hand, pointing out the town and its people with Cassie at his other side providing explanations, the backs of their hands brushing every so often. 

It was as though one of his dreams came true. Liam couldn’t hide his grin. He looked down at Lucas, whose excited chatter was winding down. 

“Tired?” he asked, amused. Lucas sheepishly nodded. Liam hesitated for a moment before offering to carry him, suddenly unsure. Am I being too familiar? 

His fears were banished as his son eagerly climbed into his arms, the weight of him surprisingly comforting. He glimpsed Cassie’s smile at the corner of his eye. His heart leapt, his grin now a permanent fixture on his face. They reached their destination in comfortable silence. 

“So yeah… this is pretty much all of Grovershire,” Cassie murmured as they went inside the café. 

“I like it,” Liam replied as Lucas waved to the cheery old woman behind the counter. “I think it’s quite charming.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Cassie mused, a smile on her lips. “I’ll grab the food. You two find us a table?”

Liam opened his mouth to agree, his eyes still taking in the café’s interior. A particular pastry caught his eye.

“Are those cronuts?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. Want some?”

Liam’s grin turned to tease, “So that’s why you wanted to eat here.”

Cassandra huffed out a laugh, “Oh, shut up. Don’t act like you don’t like those either.”

Liam shrugged lightly, arms still secured around Lucas. “I didn’t say that.”

“Right…” she drawled. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

-

“Dad?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Is your job like Uncle Charlie’s?”

Liam opened his mouth but hesitated. How do I explain a thousand-year-old dynasty?

“Well…” he trailed off, wide eyes darting towards Cassandra. She was chatting with the lady at the cashier (who he guessed was also the proprietor), her profile briefly visible as she turned her head slightly. He tried to catch her eye, but the table they chose was near the windows, making the feat nearly impossible. The opportunity passed, and her back was toward them again.

“Uh—you see…” he tried again. Liam cleared his throat, “It’s a little more complicated than that…” he trailed off, words failing him, as his son’s innocent eyes looked on. Lucas tilted his face to one side, his curiosity palpable.

“… but yes, it’s—it’s a bit similar to his job. Yes.” He finished awkwardly, uncertainty temporarily banishing eloquence.

Lucas’ eyebrows furrowed, “Does your job mean that you’ll always be away?”

Liam’s eyes widened, “I—Lucas, might I ask where you heard that?”

“It’s just Robbie’s papa also goes away. It’s his job.” He shrugged. “Uncle Charlie goes away for work too, but he’s not a papa or a dad. Is that your job too, Dad?”

Mouth still open and mind still fumbling for words. Liam stared at Lucas. His son stared back. He could feel light perspiration forming on his forehead. Silence enveloped the two of them. 

“Breakfast!” Cassie’s voice broke through what was becoming their little staring match. A tray containing pastries and mugs was set on the table, temporarily blocking Liam’s gaze. Their staring match broke.  

Lucas did a little wiggle in his chair, his smile showing a hint of a dimple on his cheek, question forgotten. Some tension fled Liam’s shoulders. But a seed had been planted, and it would soon grow. I need to talk to Cassie about this…

Liam felt a warm hand on his shoulder, a hint of jasmine reaching his senses. He slid closer to the window, hands beginning to help Cassandra in putting the plates and mugs on the table. Once the table was set to her satisfaction, Cassandra settled into her seat, their arms often brushing each other. 

The morning sunlight shone through the café’s windows. Giggles and exclamations from his son coloured their conversation. The smell of coffee and hot chocolate blended together with a hint of Cassie’s jasmine perfume. It was comfortable. Idyllic. Perfect.

Liam took a deep breath, committing that morning into memory. Unbidden, his mind replayed his mother’s voice, singing a line from a song that he had frequently heard as a child.

How wonderful life is, while you’re in the world… 

----

“Do you remember what to do, love?”

He nodded and bounced a little. She was fixing his shirt, her eyebrows doing that thing again. His Mommy always does that when she’s worried. Lucas doesn’t like to see his mommy worried.

He frowned and looked around. There were many people in the big fish house (the aquarium was actually its proper name, but seeing as he also has a small aquarium at home, calling the big building aquarium seemed a bit silly). It made the usually quiet place loud. Lucas liked it better when there’s just him and his playmates. The nice people who take care of the fishes let them run around sometimes when there are few people inside, as long as they stay clear of the fish tanks. 

His mommy let out a big breath, then stood up. Lucas immediately took her hand. Mommy sometimes looked like she’s scared of getting lost, so Lucas always holds his Mommy’s hand when they go out. He doesn’t want to see his Mommy scared. Or sad. Lucas always liked it best when his mommy laughed and smiled. That means she’s happy. And Lucas always wants his mommy to be happy.

Lucas looked around again, this time standing on his tippy-toes. He still wasn’t able to see past the other people.

“What’s taking him so long?” his Mommy muttered. Lucas titled his head. Grandma always said that muttering was bad. He frowned. Does this mean he’ll tell Grandma that Mommy’s been muttering? It doesn’t seem right.

Lucas frowned for a moment and suddenly smiled. I’ll ask Dad!

Lucas’ Dad can answer anything. Lucas was sure of it. There hasn’t been a question that his dad hasn’t answered after all. He doesn’t get tired of answering either. Lucas was convinced that his Dad is smarter than Uncle Charlie, and that’s saying something because his uncle was smart. Lucas would always see him reading the big books in the library. The ones with no picture. The grown-up books. The boring ones. 

A flash of maroon caught his eye. Lucas turned to his side and saw his Dad walking towards them, a paper bag full of snacks in his arms and a ready smile on his face. 

“There he is!” he said as he waved at his dad. Oh, I can’t wait to tell Robbie! I have a Dad now!

----

Edgewater, night time

Lucas sleepily nestled into Liam’s shoulder as they entered the little boy’s bedroom. A few heartbeats later, he heard Cassandra’s soft footsteps as she followed them into the room. From the corner of his eye he saw her going around the room, her movements mechanical in their precision. Routine sunk into muscle memory. To Liam’s eyes, it was almost like a dance. 

Liam’s observations were interrupted when Lucas squirmed in his arms. The boy was exhausted, having spent most of the day running around the town and the estate, eagerly showing Liam the sights. Readily unfolding his perfect life for Liam to see. For Dad to share with. Liam’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much. For a day, his shoulders had stopped aching from the weight that four years of being a king had given him. 

Cassie’s footsteps broke him away from his musings. 

The lights were dimmed and Cassandra appeared beside him, arranging the pillows and blankets as Liam slowly set Lucas down on the bed, taking great care to arrange his son’s limbs so Lucas could be comfortable. Lucas snuggled in, eyes and limbs heavy. Liam stood rooted on the spot as Cassie swooped in and placed a gentle kiss on their son’s forehead. 

“Goodnight, love.” Cassie murmured.

“‘Night Mommy,” he lifted his head and met Liam’s eyes. “Night Dad.”

Throat suddenly tight, Liam bent over and ran his hand through Lucas’s hair. Slowly, with a voice in his head telling him he might overstep, Liam placed a kiss on Lucas’ forehead.

“Goodnight, little darling.”

-

Cassandra was quiet as she handed him a tumbler of scotch. Both of them had, by some unspoken accord, retreated into the sitting room. The pair stared at the fire, a stillness descending between them. Liam glanced at Cassie as she sat down, noting with a casual glance that they had mimicked their positions from the night he arrived. 

Strange, the changes a few days can make, Liam thought as he snuck another glance at Cassandra. Her head was tilted to the side, shoulders relaxed, eyes fixed on the fire. She was absentmindedly taking small sips of her drink. The picture of ease and relaxation. A small smile grew on Liam’s face without his notice. With more effort than he’d care to admit, he turned his eyes away. 

“Oh!”

Cassandra’s voice broke the silence. To Liam, it was more welcome than the comfortable silence that they had sunk into.

“I can’t believe I haven’t thought of this before, but I think I’ve got some albums here from when Lucas was a baby,” she paused, eyes hesitant. “I could show you if you’d like.”

Liam’s throat suddenly felt tight. He met Cassie’s eye and smiled, managing what must have been the proper response since she relaxed and got up from her chair. Interest piqued, Liam watched as she went to the other side of the room toward a bookcase. She took out a photo album. And another one, along with several framed photographs. He rose from his seat, ready to offer his assistance as Cassandra retrieved the little pile she had accumulated. She turned to see him out of his seat.

“It’s fine Liam, sit down.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, eyeing the albums she stacked one after another. Cassandra snorted. A small smile lingered on her lips, her eyes turning playful. Liam could feel himself reflecting her smile. 

“Yes, Your Royal Highness. I got this.”

Liam’s smile grew wider.

“I’ve never doubted you couldn’t.” 

-

Three albums and countless smiles (some tearier than others) later, Liam found himself on the carpet with his previous seat serving as his backrest. Cassandra was sitting crossed legged beside him as she explained another of Lucas’ many misadventures. Liam let her voice fill his thoughts as his eyes hungrily drank in images of Lucas as a baby. These are precious, he decided. Memories carefully preserved on laminated paper. He may not have been with them during these moments, but he’ll content himself with snapshots instead. Better that than nothing. 

With the remnants of old memories before him, Liam can’t help but reflect on the new ones they made today. 

It had been more than he ever dreamed. 

As he recalled how Lucas shrieked with laughter as he ran around the estate grounds, Liam can’t help but wonder how his son would take to his mother’s garden in Cordonia. His mother had loved the outdoors, something that Lucas seemed to inherit. Maybe Liam could teach Lucas how to play the guitar while they went on picnics just as Eleanor did when Liam was a child. 

Perhaps he could even teach Lucas how to swim, just as Leo did during the idle years where the lines between the heir and the spare were thin. A host of potential futures, of endless possibilities. All of them with Cassandra and Lucas. For a moment he let himself get lost in a daydream of the three of them together. 

He’d take them to the beach on weekends or to picnics at the gardens and orchards of Applewood Manor. A deluge of happier moments to drown the atrocity that occurred there. 

Liam’s small smile suddenly disappeared. 

Thoughts of Applewood, once the site of his most precious childhood memories, soured his thoughts now. Why would Cassie want to go back there after what happened there?

A dam broke inside his head. Questions began pouring in, one after the other. Why would Cassie want to go back with him when all she got from Cordonia was heartache and humiliation? Why would Lucas leave his life and childhood at Edgewater only to be thrust into the spotlight and ruthlessly scrutinised by the nobility and the media just for something he had no control over? As perfect as this day had been, it was not a sign that they’d stay that way, no matter how much Liam wanted it to. 

Another thought surfaced in his mind: Is he selfish enough to ask them to come back with him when they have a perfectly good life in Edgewater? Because, deep down, Liam knew he does not want to be separated from them again, not even willingly. Not even for their own good. 

He looked down. The guilt that he had shed for a few days came back with a vengeance.  

But I have learned long ago that what I want and what I need to do can be very different things. Who am I to even ask her to return to a place of heartache? 

“Liam?” her voice served as his lifeline. 

He raised his head, insides still heavy. He took care to keep his warring feelings off his face. Cassandra’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“What’s wrong?”

He offered her what he hoped was a placating smile. “Nothing really. I guess I’m just beginning to feel tired after today.”

He almost winced when she raised an eyebrow. The unspoken really? hung in the silence between them. 

His training prevented him from fidgeting. He looked away only for Cassandra to move so they would still meet each other’s eyes. 

“Liam, we agreed to talk remember?”

“It—it’s probably too soon for this,” he began, hesitating on each word. He gripped the photo he was still holding. “But what do you think of m—of visiting Cordonia? In the near future, I mean.” He could feel his ears burning. Good god, he was blabbering!

“Visiting?” her eyebrows furrowed while her eyes stared. Liam rushed to change his words.

“Or I could visit you here! Or anywhere really, you can choose where even!”

“Liam…” she smiled as she placed one of her hands on top of his still clenched fists, the other cupping his cheek. There was amusement in her eyes. “Breathe.”

He looked into her eyes as he took a deep breath. 

“I know this might be too much and too soon. And I’ll understand if you’ll say no, but please think about it? There’s more to Cordonia than what you or Lucas has seen when you were there,” thinking of what Cassie went through, he rushed to add reassurances. 

“And I can make sure that no one could bother you two. The press won’t so much as touch you and Lucas. I’ll personally make sure of it. You won’t have to interact with nobles either. I— “Liam caught himself. He shouldn’t make this about him. 

But it is, isn’t it? 

Liam quickly squashed that train of thought. This is about Cassandra and Lucas. Looking at Cassandra’s face, Liam resolved that he shouldn’t push the issue so. We have time. “You don’t have to answer right away, Cassie. Just—think about it?”

“I’m not promising anything…” Cassandra began. She’s saying no, he thought. Liam nodded as he opened his mouth to reply, ignoring the pit suddenly formed in his insides. Her fingers on his lips stopped him. 

She offered a slight smile, “… but I’ll think about it.”

Liam let out a breath that turned into a relieved exhale as Cassie leaned in and kissed a corner of his mouth. He tilted his head and met her eyes.

It was a while before either of them spoke after that.

----

A night of tossing turning made Cassandra grumpier than usual. Liam’s words from the night before kept on replaying in her mind, preventing sleep from truly claiming her. She wanted to bang her head on the wall. Maybe that would quiet her thoughts. Cassandra’s not betting on it though. It was a classic (a cliché really) battle between heart and mind. Needs and wants. 

In theory, a visit doesn’t sound so bad. And Cassie knew that Liam would try his best to keep his promise. And if she was being honest with herself, she missed Cordonia, eccentricities and all. Some of the people closest to her heart were there too. Best friends and sisters and brothers at heart… a family I’ve chosen and a family that has chosen me.  

But what if?

She knew that secrets don’t stay buried for long. And from what Liam had told her, secrets seemed to be the lifeblood of the Cordonian court. Not to mention the vultures in the media. And now Madeleine. Urgh.

She buried her face on her pillow. But still…

Cordonia meant Liam. And now that they’ve been reunited against all odds… well. She does not want that to end. Not when they’ve just found each other. Not when she saw how he was with Lucas. 

Oh god. Lucas. 

A knock interrupted her musings.

“Mommy?” Her son’s voice sounded muffled through the thick wood. Despite herself, Cassie could feel a smile tugging on her lips. 

Speak of the devil…

-

Lucas’ laughter turned into a delighted shriek as Liam chased him through the garden paths. Cassandra smiled at the rare sight. Their conversation the night before brought to home the fact that this idyll cannot last, no matter how much she wanted to. Thoughts from the night before, ones that had not left her in the morning’s light swirled inside her head in a never-ending loop. 

A part of her, an echo of the girl she was four years ago wanted nothing more than to just throw herself into this new normal. To take Liam’s hand and let him lead her anywhere. To make up for lost time. Fuck everything else. 

But she was not that girl anymore. Cassandra’s a mother now, and she’s got Lucas to think of. Aunt Clara and her family here at Edgewater too. She was no longer just a waitress in New York. 

“They seem to be enjoying themselves.”

Cassie swivelled in her chair. Auntie Clara, impeccably dressed as always, had joined her in the shade and solitude under the garden parasol that the staff had set up. 

“I’d thought you three would appreciate some drinks and biscuits.” Cassandra then noticed the tray that her aunt was carrying. Cassie gave a start and stood up, hands immediately reaching for the tray.

“Oh! Let me help you with that Auntie—“ 

“It’s fine, dear. I might get older but I’m not an invalid yet.”

Cassie felt a corner of her lips rising in a smirk. “I don’t think that’s in the cards for you Auntie.”

Her aunt chuckled as she set the tray down on the table. 

“Sit down, dear.”

They arranged the contents of the tray in silence. Another laugh, this time from Liam, reached her ears. Cassie looked up just in time to see Lucas clamber onto Liam’s back. Unbidden, thoughts that her aunt had interrupted returned to the forefront of her mind. 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“I’ve never seen him this happy,” Cassandra mused, her eyes fixed on Liam and Lucas. 

She heard her Aunt hum as she took the seat beside Cassandra. 

“Lucas seemed to be as happy as a four-year-old could be.”

“Hmm? Oh yeah.” With more effort than she’d care to admit, Cassie took her eyes off the pair. She turned her head just in time to see her aunt pin her to place with a look. 

Cassandra suddenly found her fingers fascinating. She heard her aunt let out a soft sigh.

“What is it, dearie?”

Cassandra bit her lip, glancing at her aunt before fixing her stare at the tablecloth. 

“Liam asked me if I wanted to go back to Cordonia.”

“He wants you to go with him?”

“Visit.”

“I see.”

Her aunt’s voice was carefully controlled. Perfectly neutral. Cassandra found it very unhelpful.

“He doesn’t just mean visits does he?”

Cassandra let out a breath and looked up. The sun was steadily ascending the sky. It’ll be lunchtime soon.

“That’s what he said.”

“I wonder if that’s all that he wants. Or all he wanted to say for that matter.”

Cassandra shrugged. She saw her aunt raise an eyebrow from the corner of her eye.

“I think you know what he wanted to say, Auntie.”

“I do,” her aunt leaned back on her chair. “And what’s holding you back?”

Cassandra turned to her Aunt. She raised her eyebrows.

“Are you seriously asking me that, Auntie?”

“Yes, dear. As much as you dread it, at the end of the day, it will be up to you,” her aunt leaned in and patted her arm. “And I mean that with the utmost affection.”

Cassie’s eyes sought Liam and Lucas once more. My boys, her heart seemed to say. 

“They belong together. And I can’t take Lucas away from him again.”

“Hmm. And Liam belongs with you.”

Cassandra quickly turned to meet her aunt’s eyes.

“Auntie!”

“Am I wrong?”

“I—“

“And I doubt that man would have a good night’s sleep after leaving you.”

“That man will be away from his son.”

Clara snorted, “That man is a man. He can’t go too far without you.”

“What exactly are you imply Auntie?”

“Oh, come now dear. I taught you better than that.”

Cassandra’s eyebrows furrowed, “Why?”

Clara sighed, setting her glass on the table. “Because in the four years you’ve stayed here, I’ve never seen you this happy.”

“But I can’t just leave!” she sputtered. Wide dark eyes found reassuring hazel. “I just found you,” Cassie added weakly. 

Aunt Clara placed her hand over Cassandra’s.

“We’ll be fine here Cassie. And we’ll always be here. That I promise you. Whatever you choose, know that we’ll be right beside you and Lucas. This won’t be a repeat of me and your grandmother.”

Cassandra blinked hard and offered her aunt a weak smile, her heart somewhat lighter. 

“Thanks, Auntie.”

Aunt Clara smiled and patted her hand. 

“Now that that’s out of the way, what’s stopping you?”

“There’s more to this than just me and Lucas, Auntie. You know that.”

Clara waved a dismissive hand. “Pah. Nothing a little time can fix.” Something else hung unspoken after her words. “Our name might be old, but that does not mean it’s useless.”

“That’s really reassuring, Auntie,” Cassie deadpanned.

“I try, dear.”

“Mommy!” she heard Lucas call out. “Look!”

Cassie turned and saw him waving a handful of daffodils with Liam holding what looked to be the beginnings of a bouquet. He met her eye and sheepishly smiled. She offered a smile of her own.

But this isn’t about me anymore, Auntie.

-

“Eat your veggies, baby.”

“But it’s gross.”

“Lucas…”

“But it is, mommy!”

“You liked it yesterday.”

“But it’s mushy!”

Cassandra sighed. A part of her wished that Liam would hurry and finish his phone call so he can be the one to deal with Lucas’ newest food aversion while another part of her wonders how she suddenly became so dependent in just a few days. She shook her head. It’s just nice to have a partner in this, that’s all. Plus, he can talk Lucas into anything. But then again, Lucas might just convince his dad to let him skip his veggies.

Cassandra took a deep breath. I should ask now, while Liam’s busy.

“Baby?”

“I’m not eating more mommy,” Lucas said as he crossed his arms.

A laugh escaped her despite her best effort. “It’s not that. Um, did you like your holiday with Grandma?”

Her son perked up, “It was awesome mommy!”

“It was, wasn’t it?” at Lucas’ enthusiastic yes, she continued, “say, d’you want to go back there?”

“Right now?” her son’s eyes seemed to sparkle. Her heart seemed to beat faster.

“Maybe soon?”

“Yay! Can we go with Dad?”

“Um, let me talk to him first.”

“Okay!”

Well, there’s that.

----

I never knew pride and sadness mix so well together. Looking at the framed photograph in her hands, Clara pondered on this peculiar mix of emotions. I suppose I never experienced it until now.

Since her sister’s granddaughter arrived in Edgewater, Clara had an inkling that her stay won’t be permanent. It was something that she had buried deep in the recess of her mind but sanctuaries end when the wars that cause them to sputter and die. And whether Clara liked it or not, Cassandra’s internal war is ending. 

In all honesty, Cassandra had outgrown any advice that Clara might have left. And with the new King’s support behind them, Clara knows that they’ll be well taken care of. Her promise to her sister would be kept. 

But still…

Clara let out a sigh as she sank into a chair near a window, overlooking the estate grounds. Outside a pair of birds were chasing each other in an increasingly dizzying circle. 

She turned away from the window to the interior of her personal office, her eyes landing on a glass case on display near the bookshelves. The late morning sunlight had landed on the Edgewater jewels causing the gold to almost look like it was glowing. Slowly, a smile crept into Clara’s face. 

Birds may leave the nest but that does not mean that I still can’t keep them safe.

----

Four years ago

The line was long, and the night was still young. Years of courtly etiquette prevented him from letting out the sigh that was building in his throat. Despite the mantra he had begun when he boarded the plane, he still felt as though half of him was still in New York, lost in a pair of dark eyes. 

He let out a little sigh, taking care not to slump his shoulders. It’s time to stop chasing rainbows, Liam told himself firmly. She’s in New York, getting on with her life and you’re… here. 

Liam resisted the urge to turn around and look at his father. He was keenly aware of the weight of all his father’s expectations on his shoulders. Looking ahead, he repeated his mantra, hoping that the words would finally sink in. 

Remember why you stand here today.

Remember what’s at stake.

Remember…

Remember how dark her eyes looked in the firelight. 

The way she smiled as he gaped at the Statue of Liberty.

The way she did everything in her power to grant the wish of a total stranger. 

Liam looked down, buying time to gather his thoughts. He heard someone clear their throat. Resisting the urge to let out a rueful smile, he looked up just in time to meet a familiar pair of dark eyes.  

-

So, how’s the trip going?

Liam’s thumbs hovered over his phone as he contemplated a reply.

Surprisingly well. How are things there?

Aw, c’mon little brother, give me a bit more than that! Olivia’s got security and the lovebirds’ got everything under control here so don’t worry

I don’t think Kiara and Hana would appreciate being called lovebirds. How about Drake and Maxwell?

Hana’s too sweet to be mad about that. 

Also, I put those two on separate wings in the palace so things are great. Just promise me you’ll knock some sense into your best friend when you come back.

Liam snorted and pocketed his phone. He’s certain that Leo, for all his impulses, can manage Drake and Maxwell for a few more days. Besides, Katie’s with him, so things can’t be that bad… I hope.

He shook his head and finished closing his briefcase. He handed it to Bastien.

“Is there anything else?”

“Yes, the latest report on the media campaign has just been sent by your secretary.”

Liam nodded as he rolled up the sleeves of his knitted cardigan. “Thank you, Bastien. Can you arrange for one of the aides to pick up yesterday’s documents this afternoon?”

“Yes, sir,” Bastien replied as he handed Liam a sleek black tablet. With a nod he opened the document, gesturing for Bastien to take a seat. His head of security declined, as he always does. Words jumped to his mind as he skimmed through the report. 

Waning… public support… counter-attack… media… recommend continuing…

A knock on the open doorway snapped him out of his reading. Liam looked up just in time to see Bastien executing a bow to a wide-eyed Cassandra. Liam straightened and set the tablet down a side table. 

“I’ll see to your request, sir. If you’ll excuse me. Your Majesty, my lady.” With that he exited the room, closing the door as he left. Liam could have sworn he saw the man smirk. 

“You busy? I can come back later.”

“Nothing that can’t be revisited.”

“Uh-huh.” She crossed her arms. 

Liam tried not to laugh. “Really.”

“Looked important.”

“It can wait.”

“Seriously, Liam. I don’t want you falling behind your duties just because I wanted a chat. If it’s important, I can just come back later.”

“It’s not urgent Cassie. Besides, Cordonia can wait. I want to spend time with you.” Seeing that she was about to fire another retort, he added, “I won’t shirk my duties, I promise.”

Cassandra shot him another look. He stifled another laugh. He offered her a seat. She declined with a shake of her head. Still sporting a smile, Liam offered her a compromise. 

“How about I let you know if it’s important?”

“Promise?”

“I promise on my honour as the King of Cordonia.”

She raised an eyebrow, amusement clear in her voice.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“I’ll have no doubt that you would,” he said, a smile ruining his otherwise courtly response.

They held each other gaze until Cassie looked away, clearing her throat as she turned her head.

“Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing—um, remember what we talked about last night?”

Liam nodded. Their conversation the night before would not fade from his mind anytime soon. 

“So…” she trailed off. Her fingers were fidgeting with her little ring, eyes wide. Liam tilted his head. Why is she nervous? He had made it clear that she could say no, didn’t he? Perhaps he did not reassure her enough?

“I was thinking,” she said after taking a deep breath. “Maybe we should limit the apple pickings to twice a week? I’d like Lucas to know that other fruits exist.”

For a long moment, Liam stared. His brain too slow to take in the meaning of her words.

Then it clicked.

Relief, elation and excitement coursed through him. He grinned.

In three strides he crossed the space between them and took Cassandra in his arms, spinning her in a circle before setting her down again. She hugged him tightly in return. Her laugh caused his smile to widen. He leaned back to meet her eyes. 

“Really?”

“Really.”

Elation still running through his veins, Liam leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Cassandra responded by drawing him closer still. Something resembling restraint broke within Liam. He gently pulled away, meeting Cassandra’s dark eyes. He opened his mouth, a question on the tip of his tongue, but Cassie beat him to it.

“Liam, bed, now.”

“You want…?”

“Don’t you?”

“Yes. God, yes.”

-

Later, as they lay tangled on the sheets of his bed, hearts still racing, their skins still cooling from fully reconnecting with each other, Liam silently made a promise, a new mantra, as he pressed a kiss on Cassandra’s forehead.

I’ll never let anything bad happen to you again. Both of you.

----

The Heir

“So, we’re going back on holiday?”

His mommy paused, Lucas’ special night-time milk still in her hands. “Well—uh, sort of? That is if you want to.”

Lucas tilted his head. “Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“Well, because you might like it here more, Lucas,” Dad answered beside him. Lucas turned in his arms to see his dad’s face.

“But I like it there too!” Then a sudden thought occurred to him. Lucas turned towards his mommy, a frown on his face. “Does that mean I have to choose?”

“Oh, love. No one’s forcing you to choose anything. We just want to know what you think.” His mommy finally set Lucas’ mug on his desk as she sat down with him on his bed. “If you don’t want to go back, then we won’t. Simple as that.”

Lucas felt his frown deepen and his shoulders slump, “But does that mean that Dad’s going away again?” 

“I—uh… I have to leave for a bit, darling,” Dad said as he began to gently rub Lucas’ back. His dad leaned down to meet his eyes. “But I promise you, I’ll be back before you know it.”

Lucas frowned, his mind whirling. He looked down on his bedsheets. The blue reminded him of the sea and the waterfall that Dad had shown him. Beside him, his mommy and his dad began to talk in whispers.

“Liam…” 

“I’ll find a way Cassie, I promise.”

“Maybe in a year or two? We can talk about this when he’s a little bit older. You don’t have to—“ 

Lucas looked up, crossed his arms and pouted. “But I wanna go back too!”

His mommy stared at him, her eyebrows doing that thing again, “Baby—“

But the words rushed out of Lucas, “I like it there! I wanna play in the maze and swim in the waterfall! I want Dad to play with me and tuck me in like last night!” He clutched his dad’s arm. “I don’t want you to leave, Dad!”

His dad’s frowned, “I’m not leaving you or your mommy again Lucas. I might have to travel back to Cordonia but that does not mean I’m not coming back.” His hands smoothed Lucas’ hair and smiled. “But if you really want to go back, you are more than welcome to.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“And you promise you won’t leave?”

“I promise, Lucas.”

“And mommy comes with us this time?”

“Yes, baby.” His mommy answered as she reached out to hold his hand.

Lucas tilted his head. “And I don’t have to choose?”

Both his mommy and his daddy shook their heads their hands both holding each other, Lucas placed his hand on top of theirs. He grinned, excited.

“Okay! Let’s go back!”

# 

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#series: once upon another time #emgee tries to write #liam x mc #king liam x mc #playchoices #choices: stories you play #choices trr #choices trh #trr #trh

[nad-zeta]

Match up 💎

Sooo I’ve been reading a bunch of your match ups (THEY’RE AMAZING BTW) And I wanted to request one if you are available    🥺👉🏻👈🏻❤️Alrighty, so I have a very introverted personality, but I am social when I have to be. I lowkey rather watch netflix and eat ice cream than go out. I really love to make people laugh and feel good about themselves. I really don’t like being the center of attention, I rather see others happy (Idk why I guess its just a better feeling for me.) I love to read anything romance, I’m a sucker for a good love story. I’m pretty sure I have an overactive imagination, leading me to play out at least 50 fictional scenarios in my head everyday loll. I am caring, and when I love someone, I tend to give everything I can to the other person, even if I don’t get anything in return (it gets me screwed over a buunch of times =_=) I’m extremely insecure and I try my best to work on my self-confidence even though nothing works for ya girl Even though I have to work on myself, that doesn’t stop me hyping up anyone in my life that is sad or feeling insecure as well. I don’t know who I would fit with from Ikesen, but I am excited to see what you think 🥺❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much ^-^   

Awww thanx so much! You are such a sweetie pie! Thank you for the request @ikemenduo ! I hope you enjoy it <3And I hope you have the best day today! 

So I match you with........................... Ieyasu 

Your first task given to you as the new princess of the Oda forces was to care for Azuchi's very own hedgehog. He had gotten injured a while back and didn’t take it seriously now; he was sick. TBH the Oda forces, were all too happy to pass off the problem to someone else, cause it is true what they say doctors truly make the worst patients. You walked into his palace, not knowing what to expect, you had been teased like mad by Masamune and Mitsuhide for being tasked with caring for the sour puss. You walked in to introduce yourself only to be met with Ieyasu running a massive fever and maid scurrying around. The maids pulled you into the room to help them. You knew how to care for sick people, you were by no means a doctor or anything, but you knew what to do from what your mom and dad would do when you were sick. You shooed out the maids as they were just pointlessly running around and sat beside Ieyasu’s bed with a bucket of cold water. You squeezed out the washcloth and placed it on his forehead. You couldn’t help but trace the contour of his face with the tips of your fingers. You introduced yourself and started chatting to this blond porcelain doll. You low key told him all about yourself cause you thought he wouldn't hear you, little did you know even though he was sleeping he listened to every word. He smiled inwardly to himself at the silly girl soothingly caressing his face and telling him, her whole life’s story.

Caring for Ieyasu was definitely not an easy task, the suborn man would constantly try and get up to work. Although through your many days of nursing, this baby duck back to health, the two of you had come to understand each other. You would scold him whenever he would overwork himself, and he would tease you in his own contrary way. Often the two of you would sit and have some tea together. Nothing softens this porcupine boy’s heart quite as much as an optimistic, sweet, caring person. At some point during your tea and chat sessions, Ieyasu revealed his whole back story to you and the reason why he is so adamite on being strong and wanting to get to work. Cue you now becoming Ieyasu’s personal cheerleader. You build up this softy boy so much, with your kind words and caring nature. You had also discovered that Ieyasu has the most beautiful smile, so you have made it your personal mission to bring that smile to his face as often as possible by cracking them jokes and being your cute, lovable self.

One night you got scared, it was a stormy night, and you were alone in your room. You have an incredibly overactive imagination, and your mind was now playing tricks on you. You saw a shadow cast by a tree on the floor of your room. Your logic mind said it was just the shadow of a tree, but your imagination was telling you it was a ghost coming from the depths of hell to terrorize you. Just as you had that thought, a flash of lightning struck followed but the loud rumble of thunder. You jumped up and screamed, you were freaking out. You threw the covers of your futon over your head when another flash of lightning blazed across the sky. The longer you were alone in your room, the crazier the stories would get. You were now convinced a lightening monster was after you. As the loud thunder rolled and another lightning bolt touched down to the ground, you ran your way to Ieyasu’s room. You didn't want to be alone anymore, and Ieyasu had such a calming presence, you thought. Plus, if there was a monster after you, Ieyasu was a warlord, so he should have no problem slaying the beast. You didn’t even announce yourself as you ran into his room. He was awake and sitting in his futon comforting wasabi when he saw you running towards him. “Don’t tell me you are afraid of a little thunder and lightning.” His voice was tender and soft, and as he spoke, he rolled his eyes and lifted up the covers of his futon to invite you in. You didn’t have to think twice; you basically dove into his arms. Ieyasu was low key so happy. He was now stoking the hair of his two favorite girls in the world, not that he would EVER admit that out loud. You fell asleep in his arm, and you couldn’t help noting how soft and comfy he was.

Part of your duties as Ieyasu’s caretaker was to care for his pet fawn as well. You have come to really love the sweet little guy, she was so freaken cute and playful. You loved watching her come into Ieyasu’s room in the morning and sneak up behind him while he was working. She would legit start nibbling on his hair as if it was a piece of soft cotton candy. You would legit break out in laughed at Ieyasu’s shook face. Wasabi was a mischievous little deer and would often get up to all sorts of mischief. You went to get some food for the adorable fawn and walked outside as if to coax her away from nibbling on Ieyasu as if he were a snack, her ears perked up when she heard you call her from outside. She sprinted out the room and almost rammed straight into you. Ieyasu watched the two of you with fond eyes. Wasabi being the mischievous fawn she was, grabbed your basket and started teasing you with it. The two of you played and ran all around the garden. You were having so much fun you didn’t pay attention to where you were running landing you straight in the pond in Ieyasu’s garden. Wasabi thought this was some new fun game, and joining you in the water splashing about. You couldn’t help but laugh at the whole scene. Ieyasu had been watching the two of you the whole time and couldn’t help but chuckle, as he walked closer to you in the pound his chuckle changed into full-blown laughter when he saw you “you look like a drowned rat. “ He walked up to you, offering you a hand to help you out, but you had other plans, you couldn’t help yourself, you pulled him to fall into the pond next to you. The two of you were now laughing and splashing each other in the pond. When the two of you were done playing and having fun, Ieyasu stood up and said: “Silly girl, let’s get dried off before you catch a cold.”

Ieyasu literally had you sit in front of him as he gently dries your silky hair for you. Gosh, he loved this silly woman so much. He had decided now was his perfect opportunity. As he dried your hair, he told you he needed to tell you something, as you turned around, you look at him. He took your head gently in his hands, turning it back away from him if you looked at him now he would lose his nerve. He took a deep breath and said that he loved you. You turned around, wearing the brightest smile. Hells, he loved that goofy grin of yours. You kissed his cheek and said, you loved him as well. You then stood up and stated that it was now your turn to dry his hair. This boy was blushing like mad the entire time. He was so happy. You had long ago fallen in love with this fluff ball. And you were but all too happy to finally confess your love for him as well. What made you even happier, however, was this golden opportunity to finally be able to touch his hair without looking like some creepo. You have always wanted the opportunity to see if his hair truly was as soft and fluffy as it seemed, and you were not disappointed cause OMW it was the softest and fluffies hair you had ever felt. Once you were done, you kissed his red cheeks. The two of you two cuties spent the rest of the night cuddling and chatting away. 

You found out your softi boy also is a secret romance novel fan. You were cleaning his room one day when you discovered his guilty pleasure. You had stolen a couple of his books to read for yourself, and damn were they the best romance stories you had ever read. Hehe, Ieyasu saw your reading one of his precious books the one day and all while red as a tomato asked you where you had found the book. You couldn’t help but tease him a little. A new favorite for the two of you is to read together. You will sit in Ieyasu arms while he reads the newest romance book to you. 

Often the two of you can be found nestled in each other’s arms; you loved hugging and cuddling Ieyasu. He was so freaken soft and cuddly, snuggling him was like cuddling the softest pillow in the world! And don’t even get me started on his sweet, sweet little kisses. 

Other potential Matches…………Yukimura 

I hope you enjoyed it love! and I hope you are staying safe and well! 

#ikesen matchup #ikemen matchup #ikemen sengoku matchup #matchups #ieyasu storyboard #ikemen sengoku ieyasu #ikesen ieyasu #ieyasu tokugawa #ikemen ieyasu #tokugawa ieyasu #submission

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

#my worst post. look at it everybody #descendants #high school musical #disney channel #lemonade mouth #wizards of waverly place #good luck charlie #zombies #princess protection program #read it and weep #zapped #dadnapped #radio rebel #how to build a better boy #the term 'dcom daddy' was coined by poddin this together so nobody's allowed to get mad at me for it. also im right about each of these