#its an easy fix with glue but still

[good-beans]

how did you make the milgram phone covers?

Woo craft time! My original inspiration for the style was from searihart, and she wrote up a lovely reference post on doing the scrapbooking here! It definitely helped me a lot when planning and putting together these two

So, I started with the clear phone case and some scrap paper. I traced the inside as best I could and cut the little rectangle out. I stuck it inside, tested it on my phone, made some adjustments, and cut another one out. I did this a few times until I was satisfied with how it sat inside the case. (You can draw the middle hole to make sure it lines up, but you don't need to worry about cutting it out for all these test-shapes). Once I had one that fit well, I used it as a template to cut out my main piece of construction paper.

I had a fair amount of craft supplies already (the lace, sequins, little strawberries and stickers from Rokkucha), but other than that everything was printed out/drawn myself! I didn't have a ton of patterns for the bigger shapes, so I tried to print some from the mvs as well as finding the individual images. I glued everything down, purposefully dipping into the center holes.

Then I cut out those holes. If you have an exacto knife I would recommend that. If not, uhhh, a pocket knife and kitchen cutting board work just fine 😅 You may want to add some clear nail polish/modpodge right around it, since it'll be exposed to the elements more than the other parts. I still need to do that for mine, it sits juuust off enough that if I were to spill something it could get onto the edges...

I attached the paper with a single loop of tape onto the back of my phone while I put the clear case over it. This helps 1. if you have a textured design that's hard to attach right to the case, 2. if you plan on swapping out multiple designs like I am, and 3. makes it so there's no risk of glue or tape showing.

Now, the little strawberry at the bottom of Mappi's actually pushed the case up a bit, and made it impossible for my charging plug to connect all the way 😅 I was able to fiddle around with it so that it works fine -- it's still pretty thin, but if you've got thicker materials just be wary of that.

Good luck with yours, I hope it goes well :D

#id love to see it when you finish if you wanted to share! #thank you seari 😤👍 still in your debt for how well mine worked out #ive just been using mappis but i had to take the case off when they fixed my phone so i know it comes off/on just as easy as planned #im sure theres a way to glue the paper to the case that stays hidden but i still wouldnt want to risk it after all that hard work ya know #my partner made one too and messed up cutting out the center hole but was able to cover it up by gluing a border of paper/lace over it #so dont go crazy if you miscut there #my germaphobic ass wipes down my phone a lot and i dont want the hand sanitizer to drip and make the paper wet/bleed so i want to seal that #and if youre doing adventurous things and your phone goes through a lot its still a good idea #so yeah!! i hope this can help! good luck and have fun :D #ask #reference

[forter-from-meteos]

oh god i fucked them up so bad

#grape candy looking ass #vent #? #this is that physical thing i was talking about a couple posts back #i need to talk about how bad this went #so the original problem was that the wire connections between the pieces were unstable #but longer wires and more glue fixed that #or so i thought #because there was a now removed wire in the feet #that was the most stable-seeming #and that i was counting on to hang on something so i could paint the whole body at once for color consistency #but it came loose during painting (likely due to my shaky-ass hands) #so i had to hold it by the arm and then switch when the other arm was dry enough #which made my hands hurt and also made them more shaky #so i had to set it down at some point #but apparently i did it too early and some of the paint came off #so in my panic i mixed some more paint but the color was off (it didn’t look THAT bad wet) #and then more paint came off #and the previously mentioned shaky hands destabilized the wires with the constant shaking #this is still fixable. if the paint comes off that easy it shouldn’t be too hard to remove. i've already tried its coming off #my worry is the wires #anyway uh #was only planning on sharing this when it was done but good lordse i fucked it up

[peachesofteal]

ghoap x reader / 18+ mdni / dark themes

It’s the sundress. 

The way it flows off your hips, your body moving beneath it, skin glowing just under the hem. You're lucent in it, radiant in a way he's never seen, brilliance so stunning it catches his breath. You’re a perfect peach, juicy and ripe, plump and sumptuous, skin so soft he’d only need a nip to tear into it, the barest bruise of pressure allowing him to drink his fill of precious honeyed nectar. 

There are dozens of people in the café, but he only sees you, can’t tear his gaze away, sick with the heavy tug in his heart, drawing him closer and closer, fingers tense around the flimsy paper cup. He stares, openly, even after Simon clears his throat, scuffs his foot against the sidewalk, says his name. 

Johnny has no patience for a kill, or a meal. He likes to rip into fresh things, soak his maw and stretch his jaw around them, swallow them whole if he can.

Swallow you whole, if he can.

A bead of sweat collects at the back of your neck, and he traces its path between your shoulder blades and below, mouth watering at the singular thought of a taste. 

His tongue licking down your spine to the cleft of your arse, soft, sweet skin parted for him, face crammed between your legs, panting, pushing, desperate for more, and more, and- 

“Johnny.”  

“Pretty thing.” He barely looks at his partner, the heat simmering in his stomach curling into a snare. “Little pocket a’ sunshine.” 

“Johnny.” 

“Ye see ‘er?” Simon’s eyes dig into him, and then you, following the seam of your dress from thigh to shoulder. There’s insatiable insanity in his face, and Johnny knows- 

He sees it too. 

“I do.” 

“Ye dinnae want a taste?” 

“Not enough time.” He nods next door, where the darkness looms, waits for them expectantly. A meeting, a negotiation, a riotous push and pull. The things he’s good at, the part of his job that doesn’t include intimidating or killing or orchestrating a disturbance. 

His hands sow choreographed chaos, but in this moment, he’d rather they do something else instead. 

Pin you down. Pry your thighs wide. Bury his face in your cunt. Would you struggle? Would you cry? Would you take it like a good girl, breathy and sweet, lips shocked into a perfect O for his thumb, pad of it pressed down on your tongue, taste- 

“Better think fast.” Simon warns, jolting him from the fantasy that has his cock swelling, and when he sees you heading for the door, dreamy smile on your face, iced latte precarious in your grip, a plan roars to life. 

It’s easy, to pretend it’s an accident. Easy to act shocked and embarrassed. Easy, to feel terrible about ruining your dress. 

Your gasp is music to his ears. 

“Oh my god-“ it’s almost too much, watching the crushing realization sink in across your features, the dismay at the sight of your newly acquired caffeine fix rushing down the front of your sunflower dotted dress. 

They’ll buy you a new one. They’ll buy you hundreds. 

“’m so sorry.” He croons, reaching to steady you, carefully gripping your elbow under the guise of balance. “Ah, bonnie. ‘m so sorry, I didnae see ye and I was rushin’.” 

“It’s… it’s okay.” You’re blinking too fast, trying to hold back tears, trying to keep yourself together. The patchwork, the glue and tape, parts and pieces easily crumble, even as you try to take a deep breath. “I’m… it’s fine.” 

“Yer dress is ruined.” Obviously. “Let me pay to get it cleaned, at least.” 

“No, no… that’s… it’s okay. I’ll… I’ll just run home, no big deal.” He beats back the burn, the wildfire scorching away the last of his sanity. 

“Please.” Simon chimes in over his shoulder. “It’s the least we can do.” You look between them, confused, eyes wide like a little doe, lost all alone in the deep, dark forest.

Flanked by wolves.

“Or let us give ye a ride to yer place, so ye can change.” He jerks his head to the sleek black sedan, idling at the corner, driver still behind the wheel. The meeting can wait, they've got more pressing issues to attend, now. 

“Oh… uh-“ He can smell the rot of your hesitance. That’s the thing about a doe, they’re naturally skittish, trembling legs uneasy from the day they were born, nervous about their own shadow. “It’s fine, I can walk. It’s not far.” 

“I feel terrible, let me pay for it.” He pours it thick, and as expected, the guilt about making him feel worse locks into place. “I dinnae what I’ll do if we cannae help. If ye give me yer number, we can arrange to cover the cleaners?” Simon looms closer, fingers folding over Johnny's shoulder in an affectionate gesture.

You almost look relieved at the sight.

Poor little doe. 

In the end, you agree. When you give them your name, he traces over each syllable tenderly, memorizing the way it sounds on your lips, as Simon taps a phone number into your contacts.

"Ye go straight home an' change." Johnny murmurs, holding onto your hand a shade too long after you pass him back his phone. "Dinnae want ye walkin' around in a dirty dress all afternoon." You fidget, waxing crescent on your lips, and nod.

"I'll uh... I'll let you know how much it is." There's a hint of a tremble in the back of your throat, off key and off kilter, and he smiles to reassure you, before the two of them turn to take their leave.

"We'll talk to ye soon."

#peaches writes #ghoap x reader #john soap mactavish #soap x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #I wrote this on my phone so #mind the mistakes

[rileyslibrary]

Where’s my pen, Lt.?

Summary: You’re PMSing, and Ghost comes to the rescue.

Relationship: Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader

Word Count: 1,110

Notes:

Angst and fluff

Dedicated to my ✨ anon

Want more?

———————————————————————

How can you be angry, sad, and tired all at the same time? It’s a never-ending cycle. Every month right before your period, you feel like shit. What did your species do to deserve such a cruel and recurring punishment? What a selfish b*tch that Eve was. So much for taking one for the team.

You’re standing in front of a table with a shattered drone resting on its mahogany top. Fortunately, with the right tools, carbon fibre is easy to repair. Unfortunately, this army base doesn’t have the necessary equipment and personnel for the job. It can be a complex task if you don’t have the resources, especially if you lack the energy and strength to do it just by yourself.

Ghost is sitting in the corner of the room, cleaning his handgun. He looks calm—sirene—as if he didn’t just stare death straight in the eyes a few hours ago. How does he do that?

On the contrary, your movements are sluggish, you have terrible back pain, and you lack the motivation to complete even the most basic tasks. But you have to fix that drone for its next mission.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in one of the drone’s camera lenses. You’re unrecognisable. Your hair is acting up again, with unruly strands forming a halo at the crown of your head. Not only that, but your reflection reveals another issue. You take a closer look at your face. Fuck; another pimple. It decided to settle on your chin this time. Great—just great.

“Everything alright?” He asks, interrupting your thoughts.

“Y-yes, ready to start the process.” You answer with false confidence. Can he tell you’re faking it? Probably.

He says nothing but keeps staring at you with an unreadable expression, his silence giving an answer in itself. After what seemed like an eternity, he stands up and walks towards the door, exiting the room and leaving you alone.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, exhaling in relief. Come on, get a hold of yourself. Focus.

You gather your hair up and fix it with whatever you have available in front of you. Now is not the time to be making stylistic decisions. You’re not here to compete in a pageant, anyway. What you need to do is fix that damn thing and fast.

You roll up your sleeves, grab your notepad, and open it on a new page. You pick up your p-

Where’s your pen?

You begin searching the table for your missing item, picking up drone components and putting them back in an unruly manner.

Maybe it rolled off the table!

You kneel on the floor, furiously searching for your pen as if you’d lost your most treasured asset. Where did it go? It can’t just grow legs and walk away! It must be here, somewhere.

You stumble as you rise to your feet, bumping your head on the table’s corner. Dizzy and frustrated, you stay on all fours, attempting to calm yourself with every ounce of dignity you have left.

Until you ultimately give up. So much for the confidence boost you tried to give yourself a few moments ago. You roll around and sit on the floor, drawing your knees close to your chest and burying your face in them as you let out a long, deep sigh.

“Is that part of the repair process, soldier?” Ghost asks as he re-enters the room, “do you grieve the drone first before you glue it back together?”

Today, of all days, he decided to act like an asshole.

“I misplaced my pen, Lieutenant,” you reply, still seated on the floor.

“You’re crying because you misplaced your pen.” He repeats in a deep, monotonous voice.

“I’m not cr- forget it.” You sigh defeated.

You can’t tell him what’s going on inside you. He’ll never understand. Ghost could take a bullet to the shoulder and still manage to climb a mountain while you’re whining about a minor inconvenience.

“Get up.” He commands, and you follow his orders. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and attempt to stand as straight as possible.

He stares at you with those interrogative eyes of his and slides something from across the table. You look down at the purple-wrapped rectangle in front of you.

A chocolate bar.

“I know what’s up,” he says, shrugging as he looks at the chocolate, “you tend to be like that a few days before.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “How do you know?”

“I keep a log,” he explains. “I might be confident enough setting up an ambush in the middle of the desert, but I don’t push my luck with you.”

You crack a smile and accept the chocolate. “Thank you, Ghost,” you mutter, eyeing the piece of candy. He keeps a log, huh? What a guy.

“About that pen you were looking for,” he continues, “it’s in that patty of yours,” he explains and points at you.

In the what of yours??? You stand perplexed by his last statement until he gestures toward the back of his head. You mimic his actions and chuckle in embarrassment as you realise what he’s referring to. But of course! You used the pen to secure your hair. You exhale in relief and pick the pen off to set it on the notepad.

“You’re a lifesaver, Simon.” You reply.

“Keep your gratitude for the battlefield, soldier,” he adds dismissively. He’s obviously flattered, but he’ll never confess it. “Now tell me, how’s your back doing?” He asks, “still in pain?”

You nod. “Hurts like a motherfucker, sir.”

“Let me see,” he says, and you lift your hair up to expose the back of your neck. He moves in closer to get a better look, and you can feel the heat of his breath against your skin. His fingers are gentle as he works his way down your neck, kneading the soreness and pain away with skill. You wince as you feel his touch, but the pain is nothing compared to what it was before he began to work his magic.

“Oh, and, uh, Lieutenant?” You whisper softly, almost inaudibly, as you feel the tension leaving your body.

“Hm?” He murmurs, his strong hands now carefully massaging your shoulders.

“It’s called a bun,” you say with a smirk, “not a patty.”

———————————————————————

#simon ghost riley x f!reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #call of duty #modern warfare 2 #cod mwii #✨ anon #Simon riley #cod ghost #cod mw2

[definitelynotshouting]

xisuma being stressed keeping everything together, scar having to appear happy because no one else is there to cheat them up, tango being there and dealing with it and helping just because he loves Jimmy. sighhh I want to STRANGLE them all they’re sooooo /aff

Oh gods yeah Xisuma is having a time of it. Its not even with keeping everyone together-- technically, thats what Scar is trying to do. But Xisuma is handling the sudden stress of seeing a friend almost die in front of him, and knowing that even though it was a communal decision to kick him out of Hermitcraft, he was still the person who actually did it. That sticks with you. He's also trying to keep the server theyre currently in from collapsing, and recovering from toting five people including himself around in the in-between. Mans is going through it, his head is NOT in the best place even remotely right now

Scar is. My gods Scar is doing his best to keep things working, keep them together, keep everyone from falling apart. He's the glue binding them all right now, the one who organized this mission and got them on board in the first place, and now he's trying to take care of everyone while also taking care of Grian. Honestly shocking that he hasn't visibly cracked yet, but he's good at dissociating his emotions from the tasks he feels he needs to complete. Checklists, checking on people, keeping himself in check... He's reeling from one crisis to the next, and it doesn't help that Grian's unintentional feeding is heightening tensions.

As for Tango.... he's here because of Jimmy, yeah, but Grian was also his friend. He's missed him, and now that he's here, it's really concerning how bad Grian is doing. And Tango is kinda caught in a hard place with that, because this situation has left him floundering. What do you even say to someone you care so much about but whom has also hurt you so deeply??? Emotions are hard; fixing tangible stuff is much more easy. He's trying to keep everything organized like a well-oiled machine, and also keep himself from drowning, all while trying to update an increasingly worried Jimmy on the side. They are all going through it SO HARD right now, and these next few chapters are about to make it ten times worse<3

#shouting speaks #asks #grian #goodtimeswithscar #xisumavoid #tango tek #tangotek #hermitcraft #mcyt #hunger au #guys who are barely holding it together gang<3 they should start a band #txt

[insomniakisses]

Broken horns and jealousy

Character: Andy Herrera + Vic Hughes (Station19)

Requested? Yes.

Warnings/notes: NSFW MINIRS DNI! Omegaverse au, Hybrid au, poly relationship, jealousy, sex, andy is a bull hybrid, broken horns.

Getting out the shower you walked into your bedroom smirking when you saw your naked girlfriend jerking off on the bed.

“Fuck vic” you gasp causing her smirk at you and motion you over.

“Cmere baby”

You straddle her feeling her cock slide in both if you moaning at the feeling.

“I just fucked you I cant believe you convinced me to fuck you again already” you tease but she doesn’t care simply sucking and biting at your neck moving you along her cock.

“Fuck I need you to lay down baby.”

Moving to lay down you feel her move your legs, pinning you into a mating press her hips slamming into you with a groan.

“F-fuck fuck so good” she moans her cock still so sensitive from your previous session.

You feel her rub at your clit, your eyes screwing shut at her fast pace and her thumb rubbing against your clit. Moaning load as she makes you cum. Her following after you. her knot catching with every thrust.

—

Andy wakes up to the sound of yours and Vic’s moans. Her ears drooping and stomach dropping at the knowledge that you had someone other than her in your bed once again.

“Baby..” she whines her eyes watering as her head fills with negative thoughts. Wondering if you would send her back no longer wanting her anymore.

Suddenly she hears you yell Vic’s name chanting how her dick is the best dick you ever had. That strikes a nerve. You always used to tell her that and she cant help get angry. Jealousy clouding her mind as she starts mindlessly butting against the wall.

—

The sound of banging woke you up, furrowing your brows you sat up the sound of andy yelling in pain causing you to startle up out of bed. Being careful not to wake vic who was sleeping beside you you made your way to the hall where the noise was coming from.

“Oh baby!” You coo when you see andy struggling her horns stuck in the wall from head butting it too hard.

“No! Go back to Vic i don’t need you” she mumbles struggling to pull it out.

“No baby if u pull to hard it can br-“

SNAP

“Ow!”

“Brake.” You sigh. Pulling a crying andy into your body her whole body shaking as she cries.

“Its okay baby” you coo kissing her head, checking the damage and relief flooding your body when you see its not that bad and can easily be glued back on.

“Its not okay I’m ugly now!” She whines and you shake your head kissing her softly. “No baby your still so beautiful i promise and we can fix it I promise!”

“H-how?” She mumbles through tears.

“Thats easy baby I’ll just wake Vic up and we can glue it on, yeah?” You rub her back. Frowning when she shakes her head.

“No! Don’t get Vic she can’t see my like this i wont be competition to her if she does” she crys.

You frown, “Baby.. is this why you were head butting? Because Vic was with me?” You coo when she nods hiding her face.

“Andy, baby you and vic aren’t in competition with each other… I love you both equally.”

“But… shes always here?” she questions.

“Yeah Ands,” you hear Vic from the doorway. “I’m their human mate but your their hybrid one, they can have two” she smiles joining you on the floor and rubbing her back.

“You.. have two?” She nods as if getting it into her head, before looking down sheepishly. “I ruined everything didn’t I?”

“No”

“Of course not baby”

You and vic respond at the same time.

“Cmon then lets get this horn fixed” you hold her still as Vic glues the broken piece back on wrapping it while it dries.

That night andy slept between you and vic, the two of u giving her head kisses and snuggles making sure she felt just as loved as vic in the relationship. Your heart breaking at the idea of your cute lovable baby feeling like you didnt love her anymore.

#station 19 #station 19 imagines #station 19 x reader #station 19 andy #station 19 vic #andy #vic #andy herrera #vic hughes #vic x reader #vic imagines #vic smut #vic hughes x reader #vic hughes imagines #andy herrera x reader #andy herrera imagines #station 19 hybrid au #station 19 omegaverse au #bull!andy

[moki-dokie]

on love and letting it go

so the really hard life changing thing i had to do the other day was ending a relationship of 15 years. it was not easy. it was one of the scarier things i've done. i have no idea what comes next which is downright terrifying.

this was not a circumstance where we fell out of love. rather, the shape of our love changed over the years as we grew into different people from who we were at the start. these shapes no longer worked together. but through jerryrigging and brute force we'd been making them 'work'. there is only so long something like that can go on functioning before it breaks completely. we were approaching that point and it was time to take a step back, unwrap the duct tape and string and glue holding these shapes together and realize how much damage we'd done.

it was a matter of loving each other so much that we refused to keep going like this, to keep hurting each other over and over again. it's love that let us realize we can't provide what each other needs. we tried. we tried many times to fix these broken shapes. but the fact of the matter is that we simply can't go back to what once was. we cannot undo what the past 15 years have done to us. we cannot ungrow. this is not a magical fantasy world where we can simply go back or simply restore changes. there is no undo button on life. there is only going forward.

the end of our time together is not the death of love. quite the contrary. we can and will still love, but now in a way that won't cause us so much harm. in a way that will allow us to continue to love. to be friends. to continue supporting and caring. in a way that lets us go forward instead of uselessly trying to grasp for ghosts of the past in hopes of finding a fix.

sometimes love looks like this. sometimes its two people, battered and bruised from years of fighting a losing battle and saying "enough. we can't keep doing this." sometimes love is growth in two different directions. sometimes love is letting go. and thats okay.

it isn't easy. its sad. it hurts. its frustrating. but its okay.

the sun will still rise in the morning. friends will still be there to talk and laugh with. the coffee will still be warm in your hands. the world still keeps spinning. i don't know what comes next. but i know there is only forward, so forward i must go. the rest of it i'll figure out along the way.

#moki talks #personal #starting life over completely in your mid 30s is so beyond terrifying #especially when you have absolutely no support system (local at least) #but thankfully i didn't lose my friend - just my partner #it'll be rough but we'll be alright

[moongothic]

I did not take any before photos, because all I meant to do was remove this busted ass backpocket from an old pair of pants and leave it at that. This was not supposed to be A Thing that I'd document. It was supposed to be a quick, low-effort improvement

But then I noticed this

A rip. On the ass seam of my precious pants. Kinda, it's not quite a hole yet but as you can clearly see, the fabric has deteriorated really badly and is well on its way to becoming a massive hole. On the ass seam.

And so I spent 8 hours mending these god damn fucking pants

If you needed more context as to WHY I'm so deeply upsetti about fixing these pants, here, I'm not even bothering with a TL:DR

The damage was about like 5-7 cm long (did not measure and can't be bothered to go check anymore), quite sizeable and as you can see from the photo above, quite see-thru. Like it wasn't too bad YET, I don't think anybody would've been able to see my underwear through the ripped area but. I wanted to fix it before it got to that point, right

So yeah. Started working on mending the seam at like 4 am, after I super quickly watched like two YouTube videos about mending rips on pants just to get an idea of what to do and just went for it.

Important thing to note is that because I started working on this in the middle of the night, I could not use the sewing machine because it woud wake up the whole bloody neighborhood. So it was gonna be all by hand

So I grabbed some scrap black cotton fabric I had laying around to use as reinforcement for the mending. In one of the videos I watched, the person demonstrating their mending technique used some iron-on adhesive to attach their fabric patch instead of relying on pins. Because I wanted to make this as easy as possible and because I figured it could help stabilize and strenghten the broken fibers a little bit (maybe?), I used some fabric glue because it's all I happened to have on hand

So I very gently dabbed a tiny bit of glue onto the the damaged area (inside the pants) and slapped my fabric piece onto it, cutting it slightly smaller after the glue was dry enough

And yes I failed the apply the patch straight so the first like centimeter of the damaged area didn't even get the patch on it. But like. Whatever man fdjghskdjfg

I picked some sewing thread that matched the pants' colors the best and just. Got to mending/borderline embroidering. On the bottom picture, you can see the first litle bit of mending I did on the right side, mostly on one red stripe and just a smidge on the black to the right of it.

It looks like ass.

Also, although I tried to apply as little glue as possible to the area, I still appearently managed to apply too much, so there's like visible glue residue on the ripped area. The glue also made the fabric really stiff and thick, which I could notice because I could tell if I did any mending outside the glue area, like my needle could pass so much easier through the two layers of fabric if there was no glue.

This alone made the process of just mending this rip take eight fucking hours. Also using a single thread of sewing thread did not help, I did realize on the final four stripes I could hold two threads at once for better coverage, so better late than never, but jesus christ I'm a dumbass

(Also no I absolutely do not expect the sewing thread of hold up super well, it'll last however long it'll last and that's that)

But yes. I kept on mending. For eight hours. From 4 am to noon. I did take like two brief snack breaks but that was p much it. Eventually, I had this on my hands

Cleaned it up a little bit and it turned into this

Now this cotton I used to reinforce the rip probably wasn't the best pick because it did want to start fraying immidiately, so I ended up applying just a smidge of the fabric glue onto the black cotton too, just to help it last a smidge longer maybe and keep it from fraying

But yeah, with that, the mending was done. I did have a Moment of Fear when I realised that the black cotton was quite thick and I was suddenly So Afraid the patch would become visible once I'd put the pants on-- like the shape of the patch ghosting on the other side. Which, considdering the shape and the location of it would be absolutely mortifying

But, when I did a quick test try-on of the pants I realized that the rip was actually much lower than I first thought, closer to my crotch than butt. Also, while the mending looks horrendous close-up, ain't nobody going to notice it from a distance when it's so low in my crotch.

So it's all good! The mending worked out!

Again, it doesn't look good close-up, it's super wonky (since the glue spread the fibers and left them stuck in the position they were in and I was just trying to follow the stripes), but it's good enough

Anyway, at that point I figured. I've gone out of my way to fix this rip when all I meant to do was remove a back-pocket. I might as well go all the way and fix that pocket properly too

To me back-pockets on pants have no purpose aside from maybe protecting the actual fabric of the pants from wearing out so fast by taking the damage instead. So I didn't need a pocket replacement (hence I considdered it optional to begin with)

But when I ripped the pocket off you coud see where the pocket had originally been, and while the indentation could probably be fixed by ironing the pants a bit, there were these small holes from where yarn had gone through the fabric so like. Yeah let's just replace the pocket

(Also sorry about the cat hair, did not clean it for this photo because god knows it would've been covered in a whole new layer 2 minutes later, you know how it is)

Using the same black cotton (since it's what I have and it fits just fine here), I freehanded the pocket like a gremlin.

Could not be bothered to do a better job, but again, I don't need it to be a functional pocket.

The good news though was that by this point it was noon, so I could bring out my sewing machine to finish the job for me

(I could have hemmed the sides, but did not bother. It's going on the inside, this is good enough)

Pinned it down to where the original pocket had been (using the indentation as a guide) to sew it on

And boom, pants fixed

The pocket took me like less than two hours to add (but this doesn't include the time it took me to remove the original pocket in the first place), so, yeah, much faster than hand-mending the rip.

In hindsight, I probably should've replaced both pockets if only because the fabric on the other pocket is wearing down, but like

By the time the thought crossed my mind I had already lint rolled all the cat hair off the pants and ironed them, the sewing machine was already put away so I did not want to bother with it. It's fine

But ye, you really need to look close to notice the mending, my 13~ish year old pants from approx. middle school are okay now, they have been saved. And now I can wear them to tomorrow's convention. Wheeeeeee

#Moon posting #Yarncraft Diary #Alt DIY #Goth DIY #Spending 8 hours mending pants while deeply sleep deprived made me feel like I was becoming the Gollum #Like when I was done I was mentally just screaming ''YES WE'VE GOT THE PANTS BACK POCKETSES DONE YES THE POCKETSES'' #If I wasn't so sleep deprived and had the brain cells it would've been fun to write this whole thing as if it was written by Gollum #But posting this rn was more effort than enough lmao

[zhalfirin]

Hello there!

Every time i see one of your bound books, i just sit there with my jaw on the floor in awe. They look so stunning, everything is so cohesive, and your creativity amazes me every time 🥺💕

I'm about to fanbind my first work and I wanted to ask if you've got any tips or things you wish you'd have known earlier? Like, I know it's gonna be far from perfect and the process will probably be rather stressful for me (perpetually impatient perfectionist), but maybe you had a moment of "oh man this is so obvious, how could i go wrong there"?

I hope you're having a fantastic day, and I'm gonna admire your work a little more rn ✨😊

Hello and thank you so much. Reading your message definitely made my day <3

I'm very flattered you like my bindings and glad they feel cohesive. I'd love to say 'that's because I plan them so meticulously', but to be honest, I rarely know every detail of what I'll be doing for a bind when I start XD

Congratulations on the decision to jump down that rabbit hole!

Sadly, I can't really give hints on the purely self-taught approach, because I have indeed formal training and never had to find it all out by myself. There are great tutorials though and while some are really good and in depth from a professional perspective, they might be also difficult to follow for beginners when you still learn the terms for everything. Don't feel bad for starting with a tutorial you find easier to follow.

But still I can say, accept that you will make mistakes and there will be flaws. There will always be flaws or things you find you could improve on (at least in your eyes and even if no one else sees or cares for them). Don't be too hard on yourself when you make them. Take it as a lesson learned and a chance to improve.

Be as tidy and accurate in your work as you can. Your skill will improve and it will get easier to get the hinges right and corners neatly covered and all that.

Keep your work place clean (and a wet cloth and towel nearby to wipe your hands from glue frequently, that will help a lot with not getting stains on your book).

Don't be afraid to mark later covered parts of the book. Like, mark what side is front and what is up on the spine and on the case. Neither will be visible in the end and it really helps a lot. Still it happens that you case in upside down. So even with marking, double and triple check when you're about to do something that will be harder to correct later on. (Especially, make sure you gathered your sections correctly and all the pages are in the correct order and orientation before you sew!). Casing in upside down is annoying, but to be honest, it's not the end of the world and often an easier fix than the wrong order of pages or worse, a forgotten section!

I know its easy to want it all at once, high end materials, perfect typesets, immaculate bindings (I know I do), but give yourself the time to develop the skills needed, otherwise it can be very frustrating and might not give the joy one hoped for.

And finally, don't be afraid to ask questions! I find that most people (myself included) are open and willing to help if they can. I find the Renegade discord server to be a great community for that. A lot of people of all levels of skill and experience share their resources and knowledge and try to help each other there. (Be warned though, the server has grown intimidatingly huge, but still people try to help you from typesetting questions to fix printer issues to explain grain direction and how to build a case at pretty much every time of the day and night.)

They are also just generally nice and fun people and it's up to you if you prefer to lurk and learn or want to chat too.

I hope this helps a bit. Have a wonderful day yourself ^^

#bookbinding #zhalfirin answers #renegade publishing #fanbinding #having a message in my ask box makes me stupidly happy every time it happens XD

[gender-trash]

discovered with annoyance partway through temeraire book 4 (temeraire book 1 has been vibing on my TBR shelf for some months now but i picked it up a few days ago and have been eating approximately one temeraire a day since then) that there was some kind of grievous error at the book factory and an entire signature* was replaced with the corresponding signature** from temeraire book 5. luckily i've found a pdf on libgen so it should be pretty easy to fix with the Power of Science Book Glue (i'll just cut out the bad signature, print a new one, and glue it in) but i've also literally never encountered this problem with a book before and i'm a little ?!? about it

*yeah its a perfect bound paperback but from the way the signatures still kind of hang together it seems like they must have assembled signatures first and then trimmed off the folded edges and glued them. which is fairly common and also helps explain how this could have happened

**the page numbers match!! it's only apparent if you look at the book title in the recto header and/or if you are deeply confused that your book changed gears midsentence from talking about a dragon drinking tea on a ship to talking about a dragon getting in fights with military superiors back on land

#book 2 had a page that was crinkled in the trimmer so it didnt trim right #also an easy fix but like. guys WHAT is going ON in there #the trashcan speaks

[borninwinter81]

Collage curio cabinet

Another day, another awesome find! This miniature curio cabinet was £2. Part of the reason it was so cheap is probably because one of the handles is slightly broken (just missing the hanging part) but it's still perfectly usable.

Though I did think the paint job was quite pretty, it's not my style, so a repaint was in order. I used what I had to hand which was cheap black acrylic paint. Not ideal for furniture perhaps, but I'm happy enough with it. Also because I was lazy and didn't remove the old paint the doors are now very tight fitting and I can't close them properly. It's easy to fix, I can sand the top and bottom of each door down to the wood and then repaint them, but honestly I don't mind too much, and I can always do this in the future if not being able to close it gets on my nerves.

If the inside had been as red as its appearing in this pic I probably would have kept it like that, but the lighting must have been weird as it's exactly the same orange that you see in the first pic.

Any little charm or dangle would be good to replace the broken handle - I had this fake pearl teardrop in my collection from an old charm bracelet. I absolutely love how it looks, and it's actually way easier to grab hold of than the other handle, however unfortunately I've only got one of these pearl droplets so I can't remove the other handle to make them match just yet. This kind of thing pops up all the time in charity shops though, I'm sure I can find another charm bracelet or even better a pair of earrings that I could use.

The ring I've used to connect it is a hinged body piercing ring which I ordered online but was too small for me to comfortably wear, and I have a few so can use another when I need to.

I have a huge stack of scrapbooking paper from another similar project I did recently, so I cut two pieces of that using my paper guillotine to glue into the back.

I also have tons of interesting bits of paper and art left from that same project which I wanted to see if I could use. This is a 100% perfect spot for one of the anatomical drawings I have, as it looks like he's praying to the cthulhu candle I've put on top! (Paint inside still slightly wet here, i was impatiently trying bits out!)

This is what I came up with for the other door (another anatomy drawing and a flyer from a ballet version of Dracula)

I haven't yet decided what to do on the front of the doors. There's nothing in my collection of paper pieces that's really speaking to me right now. I think it would look really cool with some metallic bits stuck to the front but again, nothing in my collection that I like enough to glue on there, so I'm going to leave it as is for now and will add more in the future if/when I find some pieces that work. Here's how it looks for now after using mod podge on the doors and the back, though I think I'm probably going to go over the whole cupboard to help seal the paint. Apologies for terrible lighting.

Bonus piece: amongst my bits of paper I had a guide from a William Blake exhibition which contained this reproduction of one of the plates from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell. I really wanted to use it, but Blake is so important to me and the picture so perfect that I thought it warranted special treatment. Instead of using it in a collage with other pieces, I painted a small piece of board from a broken picture frame and stuck it to that, and made a little triangle out of some jewellery wire so I can hang it on my wall. It's extremely lightweight so although this is only taped down it shouldn't come unstuck.

#gothic art #goth diy #gothic #paper craft #collage #decoupage #goth upcycling #upcycle #upcycling #thrifting finds #thrifted #thrift finds #thrifting #thrift store #charity shops #charity shopping #charity shop finds #william blake #the marriage of heaven and hell #diy #diy craft #diy projects #anatomical drawing

[crystal-in-nagasaki]

the story of kiwi

As many people from Facebook know, I accidentally became a cat owner earlier this year when I decided to pick up an injured cat from the road. If you aren't familiar with how things typically work in the US, there are many shelters and animal rescues that will take in sick or injured stray animals. I have had instances in the past in the US where I find an injured animal, drive it to a shelter, hand it over to a professional, and go on about my day. I learned the hard way that Japan is not so easy.

On February 25th 2023, the same day I helped clean up the farmhouse with other ALTs from my last post, I was driving down a seluded country road on my way to stay at my friend's house in Minami Shimabara when I found a kitten in the road. He was sitting in the middle of the road loaf-style, and my first thought was "this stupid cat is going to get hit by a car because he's sun bathing in the road." So I pulled over and got out of my car with the intention of shooing him out of the road and going on my way. But as I approached him, I noticed that he was very dirty, shaking, unreactive to my approach, and there was blood on him and the road. Realizing that he had probably been hit by a car, my friend and I picked him up and drove him to the nearest vet.

Now, in the US, I could just hand him to the vet, or receive information about a place that I could hand him over to and be done with it, but this was not the case. The vet seemed confused that I had even bothered to pick him up, simply gave him a fluids shot to keep him alive (he had many other obvious problems that the vet didn't treat or examine), charged me for the care, and sent me out the door.

Many people have heard of the many stray cats in Japan or of its many infamous "cat islands." This is because Japan has a huge stray cat problem, and very few people are trying to fix it or even care about it. Many Japanese people seem to view stray cats as any other wild animal, and I often see dead or very ill cats in the streets. There are some catch and release programs which make efforts to control the cat population by neutering them and releasing them again, but these efforts are pretty futile considering the immense size of the population. I've also heard that many animal shelters that do exist in Japan have a very high kill rate of their animals, as many people buy from pet stores rather than adopt. This leaves a whole population of unwanted and uncared for cats, while pet shops continue to breed and sell purebred cats with a plethora of breeding-related health problems for ridiculously high prices.

Having learned this, I realized that taking this cat in became something much bigger than just dropping him off at a vet or shelter. I realized that if I released him or handed him to a shelter, he would likely die. So with the advice of a helpful expat cat expert living in Tokyo, I began navigating the cat rescue scene in Japan.

I got into contact with a very kind local woman named Ito-san in Omura who runs cat adoption events. She lent me a cage for my furry little guy, who I attached the placeholder name of Kiwi to, since that was the name of a song that was playing in my car when I picked him up and was the first thing I thought of.

I took Kiwi to a proper vet to get examined and discovered a heap of health problems. Not only was his jaw dislocated from being hit by a car, but he had matted fur from being caught in a glue trap that needed to be shaved off altogether, he was covered in ticks, and he had a bacteria in his stool that the vet said was from eating snakes or frogs in the wild. I couldn't even tell what color he was because he was so dirty. His temperment was very calm at first. He sat very still with wide eyes and didn't react when he was touched or moved. I wondered at the life this tiny cat had lived in the mountains of Shimabara, getting stuck in glue traps, navigating the typhoon season, and eating frogs and snakes.

Now, I am but a lowly assistant language teacher with a criminally low salary, so I'm very grateful for the support I received on the GoFundMe I started for Kiwi's care. Through donations from friends, family, and people in the community, we reached our goal and were able to cure all of Kiwi's health problems as well as get him neutered and vaccinated.

The next step was to get Kiwi adopted by a loving family. Of course, I didn't want to take him to a kill shelter, so I worked with Ito-san and my vet to get the word out. I gave flyers to the vet office and adoption events, made a listing on an online adoption website, and brought Kiwi in for adoption events in person. However, being a feral kitten recovering from a traumatic injury and change of lifestyle, he was terrified of people for months, and I was worried his personality would never become more open. As I mentioned before, not many people adopt pets in Japan, so very few people even came to the adoption events, and the ones that did weren't interested in a cat that hissed and backed away when they got close, and who had half of his fur shaved off and a wonky jaw.

Needless to say, it was rough going. In the meantime, I kept Kiwi in my apartment. I fed him, bought him toys, and kept his cage clean. Eventually when I felt he was ready, I opened the cage and began to let him into my apartment. At first he only came out at night, and would hide under my bed. But slowly he began playing with the toys I left out (quite noisily actually, I couldn't sleep well for months.) At some point he started to come into the room to eat while I was around, but still wouldn't come near me. Then he started letting me play with him with fishing toys, while still keeping his distance.

Several months in, in May, my father suddenly passed away. I booked a ticket to go home and be with my family, but spent two long days in my apartment alone, barely eating or getting out of bed. During this time, Kiwi opened up when I really needed it and let me play with him, and even purred a bit.

A friend looked after Kiwi while I was in the US, and when I returned, something amazing happened. Kiwi began rubbing against my legs and purring. He did this for a few days, and one day I reached down to pet him and he didn't run away. He leaned into my hand and let me scratch under his chin and behind his ears while purring.

That was the end for me. I canceled the listing on the adoption site and told my vet to take the flyers down. I decided Kiwi was mine. I begged my coordinator to let me keep him even though my apartment doesn't allow pets, since it will only be for one year until I return home. Now we're looking into steps needed to prepare him to fly to the US with me next year. I really love him and I'm so happy to have him in my life now.

This post is rather long, but I wanted to share my experience with this in Japan, since it was surprising and disappointing to me that Japan has such a lack of resources around animal rescue. I hope that in the future, Japan's animal rescue system can grow and begin to see the cat population growth for the problem that it is and work to correct it. It's frustrating to see tourists brag about their trips to Japan's cat islands, when these are not quirky tourist spots, but ecological and inhumane disasters.

I want to thank everyone who offered support to Kiwi's recovery, including my coordinators who really went above and beyond to help me take him to the vet and find ways to get him adopted. I really felt a sense of community coming together, and it made me hopeful about the kindness of humanity.

Anyway, Kiwi is growing, happy, healthy, and has all his fur back, (though he is down two tiny balls.) He yells at me in the morning for food like any other spoiled cat and loves to cuddle and play. He means the world to me and I'm so happy that I plucked him out of the road that day. I recently made an Instagram account to post pictures of him, so if you're interested in following, the link is here.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope we can all work together to improve the stray animal situation around the world.

[infiniteeight8]

cosplay plans for the next 6-12 months

Rose City Comic Con is in 6 months, and next ECCC is 12 months away, so here's the stuff I have planned for the next year. A bunch of repairs and improvements, one old project that I still want to finish, and two (related) new projects that I just came up with in the last day or two.

Repairs & Improvements

Star Lord armour: - Test magnets as the new armour-to-bodysuit attachment method. - Assuming the magnets work, install a whole lotta magnets. - Replace/Repair the shoulder clip that's missing half the clip. - Super glue the velcro to the head piece. - Adjust boots to fit over running shoes. (And you thought the two boot adjustments I've done were the end of it! LOL.)

Paladin armour: - Figure out how to fix up the shoulders. (I could just adjust the positioning of the left one, but I'm considering permanently attaching the superstructure to the substructure. The only problem with that is that they will take up roughly 3x as much space in my luggage at a result, so I have to ponder.) - Put a clear coat on all the armour parts. - Repair the chipped paint on the shoe armour. - Install rubber/foam edges on the leg armour to hopefully prevent further shoe armour damage. - Add moar magnets to the flames so that they stay on better. - Make a mechanical attachment for the belt piece (the magnets work, but fall off way too easy--I'll relax more wearing it if its more secure).

Green Lantern - Eventually, remake the boots. Again. Don't get me wrong, I think they turned out well given the rush, but I can do better. - Replace the gloves. They're getting a bit tattered. - Possibly remake the pants. Honestly, they're too small. I can squeeze into them, but they kind of... slide down during the day. But if I'm really lucky, by the time I get around to doing this, it won't be necessary anymore. (Unlikely, but hey, you never know.)

In Progress (generalized points, as this is a long term project and I don't see the point of listing every tiny step separately at this stage)

Tron armour: - Finish making the helmet. - Probably re-make the bottom part of the boots. I can't recall which shoe I made it for. - Test the fit of the rest of the armour and adjust as needed. (I've gained weight since making it originally.) - Figure out the attachments. Never did get these working to my satisfaction, although I have a vague memory of what I planned to try after attempt #1 failed. - Determine amount of EL wire needed for the lighting / Figure out EL wire mounting strategy. Order & Install EL wire. - Make the undersuit. - Figure out how not to die of heat exhaustion while wearing a full body vinyl undersuit and a a near full body armour, including helmet, made out of layers of plastic and foam and absolutely covered in lighting.

New Projects (generalized as above)

Project #1: Captain Marvel leather jacket. Yes, I know people sell various versions. No, I don't like any of those enough to buy them. My sewing skills are very limited, so this will be a long term project involving a lot of test/learning stages.

Project #2: Captain Marvel armour. Yes, I like the design enough to make this sucker twice in two different styles. The armour would be EVA foam, not worbla. I've never worked in EVA foam before, but I've worked with other types of foam, and I've done armour generally. I still expect a learning curve, but I'm much more comfortable with this project than with Project #1.

#cosplay

[beauetjoile]

DIY Shoe Repair

its shoe repair time 2.0! My last post covered dying a pair of shoes, this one is about what to do if the sole begins to come away. This is an easy fix.

One of the hazards of buying vintage shoes is that many of the glues that were used might be disintegrating at this juncture. This pair of leather Mary Janes are sooooo good but the glue is a goner.

Fear not!

Shoe Goo is your friend. Specifically formulated for vinyl, rubber and leather you need a supply of this if you're a crafter or cosplayer. E6000 is good but you REALLY want this for permanent shoe repair.

Appy to areas after brushing away all the loose and degraded fixative.

Then make sure the shoe is pressed firmly to the sole and let cure. I like using electrical tape for this purpose because it flexes and stretches, allowing for a tight fix, also attaches firmly to itself without damaging surfaces and leaves no residue.

I did not apply enough Goo and after a test fit there were still some gaps between the sole and the leather so I added more and let dry.

Behold! A new old pair of comfy shoes.

#shoes #lolita fashion #gothic ouji #gothic fashion #diy

[scoutshonorband]

I looked at you with unwavering eyes.

Still too young to make sense of it all.

For what you did to me.

the reason for my tears, my cries.

What I went through.

Because when I look back all I see is that little girl.

The little girl that beat me.

That made me cry, numb inside.

After 27 years you think you’d learn.

God how you look at yourself with such selfish eyes.

I remember the day you said that any girl I was with was going to hate me.

I remember the day you said I was going to be an abuser.

How I’d never make it past 18.

That I’ll get everything I ever deserve.

I remember because my mom said it too.

So I looked at my reflection with tilted half opened eyes.

14, Face pushed to the mirror “I hate you”.

Self diagnosed with a bottle of liquor.

I didn’t want to be anything like you.

And it didn’t scare me then but to be fair I was alot sicker.

With your cold hateful eyes.

Just not like you.

Its sad because when things go wrong you are given everything.

When you mess up you get praised.

You never learn anything.

I craved the bare minimum but all their time was spent on you.

I just wish my parents would have looked at me too.

I’ll always remember the time I had no where to go.

17 years old and no where to lie low.

So you fed me adderal and I slept with everyone you held close.

Your friends made me feel so used.

Dark circled eyes. Dilated. Exposed.

17 years old.

Completely alone.

So I left for 3 meals a day and to sleep in the cold.

And I found out things I would have never known.

If I stayed comfortable living like your ghost.

It took me a long time to realize my fixed gaze was more of a blank stare.

I started writing blank checks with my heart and asking strangers to cash them. I started asking for love but it wasn’t easy because what would I ask them?

What should I ask them?

Should I ask them?

The things I saw because of you.

The trauma I daily sort through.

The scars left over like I’m held together with cheap glue.

And you never felt like much of a sister.

So I never really knew what to do.

Because of you.

It took me 17 years to speak to her.

But now we’re getting better and she looks at me with the same unwavering eyes.

The same eyes I used to look up to you.

And I cry because of what you put your kids through.

So I’m going to try my best,

And never have to think about you.

Because I really don’t love you. And my therapist says I don’t have to.

With my unwavering eyes, I’ve got myself to look up to.

Thank you.

Looked Up To

[vipier]

can we talk ? alone ?

IT HAD BEEN A RATHER IMPRESSIVE VICTORY, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, AND CERTAINLY ONE OF GENERAL PATEL’S BEST. he’s hardly what anyone would consider a top notch superior officer — passing, at best — but with the help of his inner circle, they’ve tightened the ranks, improved their strategies, and developed an incredibly positive rapport which, if he’s honest, still surprised him, especially where captain andor and the clone commanders are concerned. ( after all, it had never escaped his notice that @k4ssa had always remained stiff and formal around the troopers, which had only begun to change after the general’s brief sojourn in medical after a particularly brutal battle about two months prior. ) the camp is rowdier than usual, filled to the brim with the joyous sounds of celebration — laughter, shouts and cheers, the clinking of glasses, upbeat music somewhere off to his right.

for his part, tristan quietly holds an ale in one hand, observing as he sits off to the side in his casual garb, the comfortable and simple set of robes that dated back to his padawan days. commander specs sits beside him, similarly propped with his back against a weapons crate. it’s an easy silence between them, one of trusted comrades, a designation specs has certainly earned in his general’s eyes. privately, he has sometimes considered that specs is the sort of mentor he’d perhaps always needed in his youth, despite almost certainly not having been commissioned at that time — but it is a thought too raw not to sweep away quickly after it comes to mind. not that specs hasn’t clearly had the notion himself.

“ you did good, general, ” the commander says quietly below the din of celebration around them, warm, with a note that almost sounds like pride. the words sink in slowly through tristan’s initial silence. he draws in a deep breath, swigs from the bottle in his hand, allows no more than the slightest turn at the corner of his mouth to alter his expression. the subtle acknowledgement of his own uncertainties — his own insecurities — feels at once a relief and an unnerving danger. war has made a different man of him, has somehow softened him in its untold brutality. some days, he finds he does not quite recognize himself. perhaps he has fixed himself too readily to what feels like a dysfunctional family unit in his strange gnawing hunger to belong. for as much as he trusts his commanders, he becomes daily more aware how far he presses fate. for instance, it should bother him more, even frighten him more, he knows, that he strongly suspects that at least specs and kilo know about him and the captain. it should choke him with terror that he treats the suspicion so casually, yet here he sits, peaceful in specs’s company, knowing in his gut that cassian will fetch him any minute.

“ it’s hardly my victory, specs, ” the general finally answers with uncharacteristic modesty, swigging from the bottle again. “ I’m useful on the battlefield, but the plan belonged to you, kilo, and andor. don’t tell the men, but without the three of you, I’d be lost. ” despite his words, he doubts the information is anything but common knowledge.

he feels specs’s gaze linger thoughtfully on him for a few long moments. “ we would do anything for you. you know that, don’t you? me. kilo. andor. ” there’s something in that final name, something tris could swear sounds knowing and affectionate. something in the pit of his stomach flutters. “ anyone can learn strategy. you’ve got something that can’t be taught. you hold us together. you’re the glue. none of it would work without you. ”

tristan doesn’t look at his commander ; he can’t. the brotherhood that’s blossomed within their ranks is often too much for him to process, almost too much to stomach. he is not used to being loved, let alone in so many different ways. his commanders’ loyalty, confidence, kinship, their unfailing support and affection despite uncertain beginnings, the depth with which he’s grown to trust them. his relationship with cassian and how it evolved from stolen moments in the senate building to become as much a part of him as a limb, its roots in his heart so deep now that tristan knows he could never remove his captain if he tried. and he doesn’t wish to, not any more than his lover, who had proven far more devoted than tris ever realized in his padawan days.

the concept of rejecting attachment had already seemed silly and dubious back then. now, it seems downright ridiculous. how could he give up what he loves so dearly? and more, how could giving up what he loves in any way benefit the greater good, as the jedi order claims? none of it would work. what good could he truly do without these connections? how ineffectual would he be as a general without them? how could he possibly articulate any of this to specs in this camp, beneath these moons, with the weight of all of that love clinging to him, sweet like honey, thick like tar? how can he possibly explain that it is he that would not work without all of them? the words don’t come, can’t, as though there are none that could possibly express the depth of his gratitude, nor the strange overwhelming heartache that blossoms simply from the knowledge that he is kept in so many hearts. it washes over him like a tide, stealing his breath, overwhelming him momentarily as he opens himself to the warmth of specs’s sentiments, the true strength of those emotions, even as none of it shows in his serene expression.

“ can we talk? alone? ” captain andor’s question from over his left shoulder blessedly saves him from the inevitability of a substantive reply. tristan feels his face relax and he’s unable to keep the corner of his mouth from pulling slightly upward. after a moment, he tilts his head backward to regard cassian standing above him, and between them, they exchange a look of unyielding softness that lasts only a beat before tris glances back at his commander with an apologetic half-smile. he finishes his ale in a single swig, banishing the lump that’s grown in his throat, and sets the empty bottle up on the top of the weapon’s crate before rising quickly to his feet.

“ thanks, specs. I’ll see you tomorrow. not too bright and early. we all deserve to sleep in a little. ” the general has no doubt the camp will remain quiet throughout most of the morning, and already, he looks forward to waking with a few hours to spare, to lazing in cassian’s embrace before they must engage in the unconvincing charade of sneaking him out of tristan’s tent. specs gives them a nod in farewell — respectful, almost affectionate, knowing in a way that might have bothered tris months before. he and andor turn almost in sync to move away from the festivities and tristan gives a breath of relief as the noise begins to ease, giving way to the gentle ambient sounds of the night in the forest beyond. cassian nearly turns toward tristan’s tent when they are well away from the eyes of the battalion, but tristan keeps moving forward, toward the towering trees and the scattered flicker of natural lights in their boughs that provide visibility to the forest floor even this late at night.

they say nothing, and cass follows without question. truth be told, tristan isn’t entirely sure where he’s going — only that he feels the need to separate himself, to separate them, from the camp for a little while, to clear his head, to collect his thoughts, to be alone together. without looking, his hand finds his companion’s and he knits their fingers together as they continue their silent journey through the trees on practiced, silent feet. tristan closes his eyes, inhales, savoring the pure aroma of the woods now that they’ve separated from the soldiers, the liquor, the bonfire. the night seems to soak into his skin as they walk together, dousing him in a chilled and cleansing energy that thrills its way through his veins. it is something he sometimes so desperately wishes he could share with cassian, these sensations of interconnectivity that strike when the world is quiet and the force beats its steady, grounding drum deep within the very core of him. the effect of the force, the way tristan feels it, remains a relatively taboo topic between them for reasons tris actually understands deeply ; the intricacies of the force unnerve many, including cassian, and to push knowledge or experience upon cass would amount to a violation for which he knows he could never atone, at least not with himself.

the forest opens to a lake, reflecting the planet’s triplet moons upon its glossy ink surface. tristan’s pace picks up just slightly, tugging cassian along as he makes his way a large slab of rock that crops out to the water. he only slips his hand from cassian’s when he steps out of his shoes and moves to the edge closes to the water to sit. then, carefully, he rolls his trousers up to his knees before dipping his feet into the lake and releasing a sigh of contentment as the cool water soothes the ache that remains from weeks of patrols and a brutal day of battle. he feels cass take a seat beside him, and without a beat of hesitation, as though magnetized, tristan leans into his side, setting his head on his shoulder, draping his arms around his middle. whatever paltry resistance may remain melts away at the sensation of cassian’s lips against the crown of his head and his fingers brushing hair back behind tris’s ear. nothing has ever felt more sacred than this. no matter the teachings of the order, especially in this moment, tris cannot possibly find it in himself to believe that the thrum of connection he feels to this man, the unwitting transference of devotion that warms him like sunlight through every pore of him, could be anything less than the most pure of religious experiences.

“ sorry, ” he whispers into the night, sounding entirely too contented to actually mean such an apology. “ I needed a moment away from the noise. out here. with you. ” cassian’s grip around him tightens, almost disarming in its protectiveness, and tristan presses his face into the other man’s shirt to breathe in the scent of him, the very essence. “ it was a long day, ” is muffled into him, almost inaudible, lost into the solid face of cass’s shoulder. for a few moments, they remain that way, clutched to each other as though they haven’t held one another in days or weeks. cassian’s fingers stroke through tristan’s hair, trace a path down his spine, each touch tender and deliberate enough to leave tris a little dizzy with relief and pure, unadulterated affection. for some reason, specs’s words linger in the back of his soothed mind: you hold us together. you’re the glue. he wonders if cass would agree.

finally, he allows his head to tilt backward, gazing up at the planes of cassian’s face illuminated by the planet’s dazzling moonlight. a sight he could truly worship. “ you were magnificent. your strategy, too, naturally, but … you fought so fiercely. do you have any idea how proud it makes me? to stand beside you? fight beside you? to be— ” he trails off, leaning to press his forehead against his lover’s, lifting a hand to cup his jaw, to stroke his cheek with a gentle thumb. after a moment, he breathes half a chuckle, almost sheepish, humming low as he brushes cassian’s nose with his own. “ but you wanted to talk. what about, love? unless it was just an excuse to get me alone, and if that’s the case, we can just strip down and have a swim. ”

#k4ssa #contract accepted. ( responses ) #under a read more bc I’ve been picking at this for like a week and it got long #the specs part isn’t even relevant. I just wanted to write a little abt specs and tris so HERE. #the rest is just an indulgent fluff piece so there’s zero point to any of this other than it’s well deserved. #life to life. soul to soul. you pull me from the dark with this single thread of gold. ( star wars arc ii ) #also … yes that is retirement foreshadowing