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f1letters · 1 year

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maroon | cs55

"how the hell did we lose sight of us again? sobbing with your head in your hands, ain't that the way shit always ends?"

summary: they both knew their relationship would ruin them both, but they couldn't stop themselves from running back to each other every goddamn time

warning: angst, toxic relationship, mentions of a vicious cycle of breaking up and making up, right person wrong time, suggestive language, swearing, a bunch of references to older classic rock bands and albums (and CAS because they are my fav band of all time haha), open ending

pairing: carlos sainz x reader

word count: 4.3k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past.

spanish words used: hermosa = beautiful; corazón = heart

hey everybody! honestly, this song is the one I've been looking forward to writing the most since the beginning... I worked so hard and I gave everything I had in me to this story (hence the story being the longest so far, something about writing for Carlos just makes me write so much more every time, haha), I couldn't be more proud of what I did! haha, hopefully, you guys love it as much as I do! happy holidays to everyone! 💜

masterlist

When the morning came

We were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf

'Cause we lost track of time again

Laughing with my feet in your lap

Like you were my closest friend

Dozens of voices echoed through the crowded room, engaged in different conversations and dialogues.

The crowd seemed to have a life of its own. Old friends catching up on the latest news in their lives. New friends being made unexpectedly. The sharing of the latest gossip and rumours among the most curious souls. The sound of endless, genuine laughter through the halls.

In the middle of the glowing lights, the shiny clothes and the loud music, hidden in the shadows, there she was.

Y/N had escaped the huddled bodies until she found refuge in an empty room. With the door closed, the noise of the party was now muffled, leaving the girl alone with her thoughts as she searched through a vinyl shelf she found there.

Led Zeppelin. Pink Floyd. Radiohead. The Clash. Their owner had taste, she thought, fascinated by their timeless records. The young woman also appreciated these older classic albums, although she couldn't find many people like her.

With her hands roaming over the vinyl without much care for the party happening, Y/N nearly dropped a Nirvana album on the floor when the bedroom door burst open.

"Oh." The unknown man said, stopping in his track when he came face to face with her. "Sorry, but do I know you?"

"Hmm, I don't think so." The girl frowned in doubt. Her eyes widened as she realized she was clearly breaking into someone's room. "Oh my god, is this your room? It is, isn't it? What was I thinking going in like that-"

"Hey, don't worry! It's okay! I just wasn't expecting to see anyone in here." He chuckled softly, extending his hand to the girl. "I'm Carlos, and you are...?"

"Y/N, nice to meet you!" She shook his hand back. The girl could have sworn she felt a spark run through her veins as soon as she felt his touch.

"Hmm, sorry for going through your stuff. I- I'm a huge music lover and I- Just couldn't help myself." The girl continued, half choking up, half laughing at herself, lifting the album in her hand to show Carlos what she was doing.

"I don't mind." The driver responded, approaching her and taking the vinyl from her hold. The warm skin of his hand contrasted with her cool one, letting his touch linger. "So, are you a Nevermind fan?"

"More of a Bleach girl myself." Y/N said smugly, her eyes glazing over the boy's charming figure before returning to the shelf. "You have an incredible collection. I wish I had this many records."

"How'd we end up on the floor, anyway?" you say

"Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how"

I see you every day now

Hours passed, and both lost track of time as they talked about everything and anything.

Y/N and Carlos were instantly attracted to each other, bonded not just by their shared love of music but by a soul connection neither could explain.

It was profound in ways that were beyond physical attraction, it had to be experienced to be truly understood.

Almost like their souls knew each other from the past.

The couple stood there, only a few hours after they met, sitting on the floor of his bedroom. They laughed with her feet in his lap, with a cheap-ass screw-top bottle of rosé beside them.

It was like an enchanting enigma how much they felt like each other's closest friends, like they had been part of each other's lives forever.

A Fleetwood Mac song was playing from Carlos's red vinyl record player when the woman spoke. "Isn't it crazy that I ended up at your house party and didn't even know who you were until you walked into this room?"

The two chuckled softly as their eyes locked and the driver's hand ran along the top of her thigh. "A bit maybe." He bit his bottom lip, a little unsure and nervous. Deciding to take risks that night, he continued. "But it was totally worth sneaking in here and skipping the party just to meet you."

Y/N could feel her cheeks heat up as they flushed. The girl tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and looked away from him to the floor.

"I don't know about you," Carlos again captured the attention of the girl beside him, approaching her little by little. "But I don't think I've ever felt this chemistry with anyone in my entire life, hermosa."

Driven by her impulsiveness and by the tension that hung in the air, the young woman made the first move and closed the space between them, letting her lips rest on his in a much-desired kiss.

It started out soft and slow, their hearts beating faster and faster as the adrenaline grew. Y/N let her mouth open a little, and the driver took that as a sign to let his tongue swirl in her mouth. Her hands found their place among the brown locks of his wild hair, as he pulled her body towards him until she was on top of him.

Y/N was never one for one-night stands or sex on the first date, but that moment felt different for her. None of it felt sudden, ill-considered, or a mistake.

In fact, Y/N had never felt like anything was so right as pulling the Spaniard onto his bed mattress that night.

And I chose you

The one I was dancing with

In New York, no shoes

Looked up at the sky and it was

For the next six months, Y/N and Carlos were inseparable.

Their feelings for each other continued to grow stronger and stronger with every passing day. However, the two kept them secret from each other, hidden in the privacy of their own minds.

During those magical months since the night they'd met, they'd given themselves to each other, body and soul. But they both knew there was something more between them: something impossible to ignore, something special.

So special that the two feared they would ruin it by putting a title on their relationship.

They were… Friends with benefits, lovers, soulmates? All options were honest and sincere, but they were only attempts to escape the term "boyfriend and girlfriend".

Painting New York City white, snowflakes fell from the skies while shimmering under the lights like jewels bestowed by winter.

The couple could already see their destination, such was the way the girl's maroon apartment building stood out among the snow-covered sidewalks.

Carlos hugged her waist from behind, squeezing the girl's body and picking her up off the ground.

"Carlos, stop! You're going to drop me, you idiot!" Y/N squealed playfully, being immediately put down again in front of her door.

The driver placed a tender kiss on her forehead and then adjusted the black beanie that covered the top of her head. "I would never let you fall, corazón."

Except I already fell for you, she thought to herself, making her heart ache.

The two hurriedly climbed the building's stairs, eager to return to the warmth of her home. They had barely passed the front door when the two started taking off their cold and damp shoes in search of some relief from the discomfort in their feet.

The Cigarettes After Sex album that they were listening to before leaving her living room continued to echo through the walls of the apartment. Immediately, Carlos grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, wrapping her shoulders with his arms as he started to sway their connected bodies gently to the music.

"What are you doing?" Y/N asked, caught off guard by the driver's movements.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Carlos asked playfully, running his hand through the young woman's long hair. "I'm dancing with you to your favourite band."

Just when she thought it wasn't possible for her feelings to grow any further, Carlos seemed to challenge her, proving her wrong all over again. Her heart could explode at any second with how much love for the Spaniard she kept in it.

"Carlos?" She asked in a whisper.

"Yes, hermosa?" He replied in the same tone.

"I'm so glad I chose you."

In the end, what mattered to them was seizing the moment before it was over, being happy with each other before the inevitable end came.

Both Y/N and Carlos couldn't help sensing that they were doomed to end sooner or later.

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks

So scarlet, it was

Eventually, the first signs of the end of their honeymoon phase began to appear.

Their flaws seemed more noticeable, their patience thinner, and their problems more difficult to solve.

All of a sudden, the illusion that their relationship was perfect started to fade with time.

The two began to see themselves as opponents with their backs turned to each other instead of the hopelessly in love souls they were in the beginning.

On a random spring night, the two were getting ready for another one of their dates, in the privacy of his house, like they did so many times before.

The two naturally assumed their tasks without much dialogue at this point: Y/N was leaning over the stove as she finished cooking dinner for them, while Carlos was in the dining room setting the table.

After completing what he had to do, the driver went to the kitchen in search of a wine to serve with the pasta that his lover was preparing. He opened the pantry and took out his favourite red wine from one of the bottom shelves.

Carlos walked to one of the drawers, removing his corkscrew from it, and opened the bottle without knowing that Y/N was moving dangerously close to him.

By accident, his sudden movement caused the bottle to splash onto the once-white t-shirt the young woman wore, now leaving a huge burgundy mark on it.

"Are you fucking serious?" Y/N complained, disgusted with the state of her outfit. "This t-shirt is new, Carlos. For fuck's sake, this stain is never coming off."

"Calm down, it's not like someone died. It's just a fucking t-shirt, Y/N." Carlos replied, in the same aggressive tone. "I'll buy you a new one. Don't let this night be ruined for something so small."

"You'll buy it?! You always think that your money solves everything, don't you?" The girl spat, starting her way to her room to change her clothes. "I just wish you would be careful for once in your life and not be so fucking clumsy."

"It's a piece of fabric, oh my God." Carlos followed her, not ready to give up. "Get over it!"

"You know what? Enjoy your dinner alone. I'm out of here."

And so their new routine began: they argued, they fucked, they made up, they repeated.

The rooms they'd once set on fire with their burning, sizzling passion were now left in ashes, burned by the flame that brought them back to each other's arms, time after time.

The mark they saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon

Fight after fight, the two kept finding their way to each other every single time, like two individuals relapsing on their favourite addiction.

The young woman had been dragged by the Spaniard to another one of his races, though as a very discreet and unknown guest.

Nobody knew her in that world, not even his closest colleagues, and Y/N couldn't help but feel hurt by all of Carlos' secrecy.

Okay, they weren't together-together, but the fact that she wasn't even mentioned to his best friends still seemed like a red flag to her.

Y/N had managed to escape to his room without anyone noticing, coming face to face with the shirtless figure with his back to her.

"Hey, handsome." The girl approached him, placing her hands on his chest as she leaned against his naked back.

"Corazón, you are here." The driver turned towards her, placing a kiss on her lips and down along the side of her neck. "I missed you so much. These weeks without you have driven me crazy."

"Hmm... Were you missing me or having me?" Y/N questioned, trying to pretend to be unaffected by the way his mouth sucked on her collarbone so sensually.

The boy turned his eyes to her gaze and cupped her face gently in his hands. "You, hermosa. You."

Their moment was interrupted by a member of Ferrari knocking on the door, warning Carlos that he would have to prepare for the driver's parade. Both of them slipped from his room and the motorhome, coming across two other drivers she recognized from watching other races.

"Well, well, well," Lando announced, messing with Carlos and his mystery companion. "What do we have here? Sainz, you don't even introduce your 'friend' here to your boys"

"Pfff, friend." The Spaniard's teammate, Charles, replied, also joking. "At least her fresh hickey tells me otherwise."

The girl immediately looked down at the neckline of her shirt, where she noticed the love bite near her neck.

And when her gaze rested on her lover's annoyed face, she realized how unhappy he was that they got caught.

When the silence came

We were shaking, blind and hazy

How the hell did we lose sight of us again?

Sobbing with your head in your hands

Ain't that the way shit always ends?

"Since this muppet here doesn't want to introduce us, I'll do the honours. I'm Lando, this is Charles." The McLaren driver said, pointing to his Ferrari friend, followed by his outstretched hand towards the girl.

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Y/N." She greeted the British, and then the Monegasque.

"So why are you hiding your beautiful girlfriend from us, Sainz?" Charles asked curiously.

"She's not my girlfriend, I have to go." Carlos replied, turning away and leaving behind two shocked friends, a hurt girl and her heart broken into little pieces.

After hearing a thousand apologies from the two nice guys for meddling in matters that weren't theirs, Y/N decided to walk to the exit of the circuit and skip the race altogether.

Hours passed and only silence came to her hotel room, with no sign of Carlos.

The girl sat on the floor, back against the bed covered with a maroon duvet, shaking, blind and hazy, until he eventually appeared.

How the hell did we lose sight of us again, she thought to herself over and over again.

The driver entered the room, shoulders slumped in regret, expecting to find an upset Y/N he had to apologize to.

Never did he expect to find the girl he loved sobbing with her head in her hands.

Carlos knelt down in front of the young woman, placing his hands on her knees, which provoked her to look at him with eyes smudged with mascara.

"Sorry, hermosa." The boy apologized, letting his forehead rest against her knee.

"Sorry for what, Carlos?" Y/N asked, determined to get the truth out of him.

"I shouldn't have turned away and left you alone with Lando and Charles." The Spaniard confessed. "I understand that you didn't see the race, but it's done now, you don't need to be like that..."

"The discussion is over, yes." The girl spoke, getting up from the floor and looking at the image of him still kneeling. "But us, this, whatever it is, that is over too."

"Stop, Y/N!" The driver also got to his feet, trying to stop her from leaving. "This is just another argument. We always come back to each other, that's the way shit always ends."

The woman released her wrist from his hold, opened the door and glanced at him over her shoulder before walking away.

"Not this time."

You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway

Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us

I feel you, no matter what

The rubies that I gave up

A day passed. Then two days. Three days.

On the fourth day, the doorbell to her New York apartment rang and her heart just knew that he was going to be the person behind the door.

Y/N opened the entrance to her house and there he was as expected: Carlos, standing there, hollow-eyed in the hallway, flowers in hand.

"Before you interrupt me, I beg you: please, listen to what I have to say. Then you can send me away if you want and I'll go." Carlos begged her, his hands gripping the red flowers more tightly. "I love you. I'm sorry I came to that conclusion so late but I do, I love you. So much my chest hurts whenever I'm not with you. And I know I've been an asshole to you, especially on this last race, and I know I don't deserve you but I'm not ready to give up on you, on us."

The young woman remained silent, listening to the words she'd been waiting to hear all these months.

But they were too late.

"These roses are for you, corazón. I know they are your favourite flowers." The driver held the flowers out to her.

"Carnations," Y/N replied, leaving the Spaniard more confused than ever. "These are carnations, not roses."

The two kept their eyes together until a tear ran down the girl's eyes. And both of them knew.

"I'm sorry, Carlos, but you should leave." Y/N sobbed. "I loved you all this time but I had enough."

And I lost you

The one I was dancing with

In New York, no shoes

Looked up at the sky and it was

Maroon

It took six months for them to end their perfect, magical honeymoon phase.

Followed by another six months of endless fighting and pain inflicted on each other.

Perhaps in some poetic way, six months passed from Y/N losing him until they saw each other again.

Nothing hurt more than being away from the one person she loved more than anyone. Especially when she knew the passion and the love between them were still there.

She couldn't help feeling that they were two cursed souls destined to suffer for their love.

Without Carlos, even music seemed to sound different.

Since the day she saw the boy walk out the door, her vinyl had remained exactly in the same place, gathering dust, as she didn't have the courage to listen to them again without being consumed by memories of them.

Trapped in her thoughts on yet another sleepless night, Y/N looked up at the sky and thought to herself: I can't die from a broken heart, but I can't help but feel like a part of me did that day.

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks

So scarlet, it was

Maroon

Tired of brooding over the excruciating time away from the driver, Y/N relented and agreed to leave the comfort of her home to go to a party for the first time in a long time.

Dressed to the nines, the girl found herself in a crowd in the middle of an unfamiliar house.

It was the same as always: old friends, new friends, gossip, rumours, laughter, shining lights, loud music.

The young woman simply couldn't enjoy that life as she did before. All she wanted was to go home, lay under the covers, with the fire burning on her fireplace... But the memories that place held of him began to feel like they were too much for her to bear.

Alcohol in her hand, as usual, Y/N escaped the noise to a random room in the house, much like the night she met Carlos.

This time, the girl found herself in the middle of a guest room, with nothing more than a bed and some basic furniture, where she sat enjoying a sweet drink.

Mirroring that night even further, Y/N was stunned when the white bedroom door opened to let in the tanned, handsome boy who was consuming her head.

"Oh," Carlos said, unable to contain his feelings when he saw the woman again after so long. "Hey, I- I was just looking for the bathroom. I- I'm going to go."

"No, wait!" Unconsciously, Y/N stood up, grabbing the driver's wrist without giving it much thought until she felt the blood rush into her cheeks. "Sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. I just- I don't know... I miss you."

The Spaniard let her words sink in, all emotions on the surface. "Y/N... Please, don't do this. I don't know if I can survive another heartbreak."

"You're right, I'm sorry. Forget this ever happened." Y/N got ready to walk out the door until it was the boy's turn to grab her arm.

Carlos pulled her towards him, grabbing her face with both hands and pulling her into a so-desired kiss filled with longing, pain, and lust.

The mark they saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon

His lips brushed hers, allowing him to inhale her breath and feel the warmth of her mouth, until he let his lips mash against hers in a rough, heated kiss.

She opened her mouth quickly, pushing her tongue past his teeth and meeting him in an electric and passionate battle.

Both lay on the bed, her straddling his body like she did a million other times, her lips still glued to the ones she used to call home.

They both pull away, panting with their gazes focused on each other almost as if they were afraid the moment would suddenly be over.

"I still love you, hermosa." Carlos confessed, letting the words slip out. "There wasn't a day that I didn't think of you, or that I didn't want your body next to mine just like this."

For one more night, Y/N gave in to her most intimate desires and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of belonging in the arms of the man she loved again, as she removed her dress and her lips returned to where they belonged - his.

And I wake with your memory over me

That's a real fucking legacy, legacy

And I wake with your memory over me

That's a real fucking legacy to leave

Such was the girl's amazement when hours later she woke up in the same bed, alone with only his memory over her.

The wrinkled sheets on the right side of the mattress were the only sign that the driver had been in that room the night before.

Not a note, a discarded piece of clothing, a stray hair.

Just crumpled linens and the marks of his love smeared across her soft skin.

Once again, Y/N was left with only her regrets and her sorrows for being so weak and so naive to think this time would be different.

That was the legacy he left every time: his touch on her remained, as did his absence.

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks

So scarlet, it was maroon

Back at home, the girl went straight to her room, wanting nothing more than to get out of her dirty clothes from the night before.

Her hands started their work of removing the dress, until she stopped in her tracks, naked in front of her bathroom mirror, when she saw the marks left by Carlos all over her for the first time.

She swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, as she stepped into the shower.

The hot water ran through her hair, over her shoulders, and down her back, until loneliness overcame her and her eyes wept and wept away all the hurt she felt.

How could I have been stupid enough to fall again, she wondered.

After a few minutes of crying and showering, Y/N left the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body, and went to her dresser in search of an old t-shirt to wear.

Among the dozens of her neutral shirts, one stood out. It was scarlet, and it was his.

Without thinking twice, she grabbed the t-shirt and draped it over her body, ready to give in to the sadness. Her arms hugged her own torso, seeking physical comfort in a place where she was the only person left.

Or so she thought until she heard the familiar doorbell ring later that night.

The mark they saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon

The only light on the dark street that night was the street light that lit up the star-crossed lovers ever so slightly.

There he was, standing outside of the door of her maroon building, red roses in hand this time, face pleading for forgiveness.

Although their lives might not have fit together, they were just two broken souls who had found solace in each other's hearts, unwilling to give up on the greatest love they had ever known.

And just like that, pulled back into their vicious cycle, all she had consuming her mind was him all over again.

"Hey, corazón."

It was maroon

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yongislong · 2 years

Text

intimate moments + 127

wc/genre: 2,010k... fluff, domestic, angsty?? suggestive? mayhaphs. established relationships with nonidol!127. not proofread oof

cw/note: no cws i dont think but lmk! ty for requesting anon! requests are always open btw hehe! but YUUPP yknow what time it is my first 127 headcannons muahaha so here we go :> mark and haechan are in the dreamies post. i used and and like a lot im SORRY LMFAO but tysm for the support :") i was surprised people liked my other stuff sm! im quite insecure about the way i wrote bc.. i write how i talk haha, its kind of a mess. i wish i could make my posts a lot cuter and stuff but school is tiring, i appreciate all of your love lately though, this was all for myself and first bc i was going through it but im glad people enjoy it! sorry this is so long i just wanted to let yall know a bit more abt me! :D

taeil… cooking: GOD im having taeil brainrot bc he was on that baby show, and him ripping that crab with his bare hands.... sickening. bc UGH he is such husband material. imagining you both in the kitchen cooking and he's genuinely such a menace and you cant hear the music you suggested to play, anymore bc his smooching noises are so LOUD and suddenly the homemade pho you were both attempting to make while wearing matching aprons is on the verge of being forgotten lol. you finally give in after much name calling from him and let him press your cheeks together to give you a wet, loud smooch on your forehead. theres something about cooking to taeil thats so personal and adult-y to him. like oh my god here you both are, sitting in your VERY cute shared apartment, sharing a very nice bowl of noodles as the roses he planted now lay in a small mint green vase on your tiny dining room table. its something about the domesticity of working on something together, enjoying yourselves while doing it AND getting to eat the end product of said hard work, that he finds incredibly fullfilling. sitting across the love of his life. another thing he likes to do is prop his feet next to your right thigh on your chair and you do the same. you guys have your legs resting on each others chairs under the table. sometimes he pulls on the skin of your calf and when you complain you haven't shaven he rolls his eyes and seems to swat your words out of the air in front of him. long story short he just watches you ramble on about your day at work, until he stares for too long and hasn't realized you're practically shaking the life out of him because he never answered your questions about whether or not he gave brina and brita their fish food

johnny... sharing a book: johnny pegs me as someone who's super patient! maybe he's not bc... parasocial relationships LOL but in his interactions with everyone else, like that one jcc where mark doesn't want frozen yogurt and he was so nice abt it! but similarly to renjun, its nice to share something in bed but also both be consuming the same content yknow? he also seems to me like the type of guy who, likes to finish something before moving on to the next big thing WHICH means.... you spending about 5 months going through the entire percy jackson series PFTT. but its SOO GOOD and you both get so into it and after you finish the first two books you immediately both skip lectures or work the next day just to watch the movies and you both lose your minds at how bad they are TT. but yes its such a nice time to unwind! he loves having you lay between his legs, head on his collarbone as his arms circle around your torso to lay the book on your hipbone. he always waits for you to finish before he turns the page ofc! he also bought a little reading light that can be clipped on the the binding of the outside of the book and illuminate the pages in case reading went on a lot longer than expected. the bookmark that holds your place in the story was a polaroid picture of you sleeping HOWEVER it got replaced to a picture of you looking thru a glass of wine and it makes your face look all warped and funny lol. johnny always smiles when he sees it so its a good way to begin reading time hehe. kinda obvious but his body heat + his room + the smell of his lingering cologne on his sheets is chefs kiss, extra points if the apartment still smells like coffee from this morning OR the bottle of red wine he opened that sits on the nightstand </3

taeyong... customizing clothes together: GODDDD ya'll would be the most well dressed couple ever dude. yong is so creative, and i sense that he would want his partner to share his same taste at least when it comes to clothes and art! this isn't something you both do often bc... life lol but it started when you were cleaning out your shared closet. both sprawled on the floor, as you begin complaining about how you've both found pieces of clothing that you felt guilty about throwing away. then! yong suggests going to the craft/vintage store to see if theres any way to up-cycle what you've found. so thats how you spend the summer weekend. sat on the plush fuchsia rug in your living room, surrounded by denim, fabric squares, 80s brooches, lace, ribbon, etc etc as you spend the humid and sticky afternoon binging nana while you both sit in creative/comfortable silence, gluing and pining and sewing things to various articles of clothing. its SO cozy, funk music plays from the mini speaker you guys co-own and at the end of the task, you give each other a private fashion show styling your new clothes! he adores watching you pretend to model and eggs you on sm "y/n you need to consider doing this for real, everything looks good on you its not fair," this day is something that you both remember for a while. there were shared childhood stories, insecurities, dreams and you both were so much more vulnerable because there was something to distract yourselves with. the night ends in an absolute destruction of your living room floor, but accompanied with a cuddle session in his bed, the sounds from the ceiling fan and his heart beat almost make you sleepy, almost missing his whispered compliments and soft neck kisses.

yuta... hair: ok i know this is super vague but as a fellow scorpio who loves doing things to their hair, theres nothing more i want in life than someone to be able to do those things with! like ugh late night hair salon time with yuta, yup. this goes along so well with trust as well. i mean he's letting you cut, dye and style his hair and vice versa. i feel like he'd be with someone who's more edgy and this would be such a raw moment for you as a couple LIKE you're changing each other's appearances and its a time of patience. listening is extremely important as well and whenever you go through a new hair phase, sitting down at the sink and soaking up what the other has to say and practically baring their souls out while the bleach is very much stinging the top of his scalp is really fascinating LMAO, needless to say you guys aren't the typical couple, but it works. the amount of understanding and empathy you've both adopted for one another is lovely! and not to mention is super cute when yuta crinkles his nose, his teeth peeking out just a bit from the opening of his lips, because he absolutely needed a blonde wolf cut and hair is very much getting all over his face. in moments like this he doesn't think he would trade your adorable and super hot according to him concentration face. ALSOOO angsy, hot, jrock inspired couple photos are a must and yes, everyone on campus is jealous.

doyoung... driving: CORNYY BOOO yes ik, but guys? him driving, in that domestic ass button up and black thick rimmed glasses. he needs to be in jail bc he absolutely would be that bf to throw rocks at your window even though, yes you live together and yes its an apartment complex but, he wants you to feel that super giddy like, puppy bunny love again and he almost brought a boombox to play to play head over heels by tears for fears but... too much according to jaehyun lol. so anyways he loves late night drives with you. or any drives really! his favorites are a combination of picking you up late night from work and getting to hear all the drama whilst you guys eay in-n-out in the parking lot. and listen, im not trying to push the doyoung medical student agenda but... i 100% am and his reasoning for these late nights is because he's soooo busy! he feels guilty he doesn't take you out to nicer places and you always have to reassure him that anywhere he goes with you, is automatically a win in your books. its moments like these where he really grasps how lucky he is. oh wow.... you really do love him and it FREAKS him out in the best way. every night always ends sappy bc he's so GROSS geez. he's such a romantic in a way you would never expect. he's not cheesy or arrogant about loving you, and he never considers it something he has to do either. he just fully, truly and honestly wants to worship the ground you walk on. DON'T even get me started on drive-in movies omg. basically his cherry red car is your safe space lol </3

jaehyun... record swapping: tha music man muahaha. my heart tells me you both met in a vintage record store AHH, he saw you and his heart physically ached like when you see a pretty person in public, yeah but x 100 like he got the wind knocked out of him and he fucking drops, the stack of chet baker records he had on hand and his ears look like red bell peppers and he wants to crawl away until you rush over not like run but brisk walking? lol as you help him pick up all the vinyls he dropped.you noticed in between the pile of 50s music he had a limited edition vinyl of on of your favorite bands and that had you whipping your head up and noticing how soft he looked all flushed and dimples peaking out from the thin line on his lips. definition of he fell first but you fell harder ESPECIALLY on ya'll's second/third date. he invited you over to his house and requested you to bring your best albums. AND GODDDD the date was... truly when you fell harder for him. you spent the night swapping albums aka baring your souls and sitting on his kitchen counter as he paces back and forth in front of you as he goes on a tangent about his favorite artist. its like the world slows down and you both leave that date with a new record from the other and a notion that you were definitely falling in love with each other

jungwoo... bubble baths: GAAHHH TT. tell me, that jungwoo wouldn't adore relaxing with a full on bubble bath with you. and i'm talking like bubblegum flavored soap, bath bombs, dried flowers, candles, mood lighting???? its too good. after the first couple of times you've done it, he learns your habits and favorite smells as well as the right way to position you in the tub bc he takes up sm of it LOL. and if you're both tall... you make it work! hehe. but DUDE once he learns how to juggle this intimate activity LMFAO he buys stuff specifically for your sunday reset bubble baths OMG, like that board that stands across the tub just so he can set his laptop on it. yes its just bc he wants to watch disney movies and real house wives while unwinding haha. he's so sweet though, being all pretty with his skin a little glowy because of the steam coming from the water, his eyebrows brush up from when he swiped water on his eyes and his eyes twinkling once he stacks a bunch of bubbles on your head in a makeshift crown. he likes to give u bubbly shoulder kisses BOOOOOOO yes im jealous bc he's perfect and OFC he picks out the perfect pjs and warms them up in the dryer and sits you on the bathroom counter just so he can do your skincare for you </3

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slocumjoe · 1 year

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some things I love about the companions 💞

Ada; is best girl. She's a cool ass robot who gives me glue and doesn't judge me. No, this is not my "transformers prime permanently rewired my brain" bias for robots. At risk of sounding like a 12 year old boy, Assaultatrons are just badass designs. And she's blue!

Cait; is a lot funnier than anyone gives her credit for. Also, weirdly educated? For example, she wonders if Raiders like tunnels as a "Freudian" thing. Few people she'd have met would known about Freud, so she'd have to have gone and read about it herself. Also also, is on Danse's level of romantic sweet talk. Girl makes me swoon.

Codsworth; somehow hates the wasteland more than X6. His wording and tone is very optimistic but you can tell that, underneath his chipper facade, Codsworth is so fucking grossed out by everything he sees. Also, the only two companions he doesn't trust to keep you safe, are Piper and MacCready. Make of that what you will.

Curie; X6-88 (like, 10 years old) calls her unqualified and she (200ish) basically tells him to get the fuck back in the play pen

Danse; Sending his eyebrows to space by showing the smallest amount of care and affection. I'm pretty sure this man would die if someone asked if he was okay.

Deacon; talks a big game about being a liar, and being very good about it, but if you don't read that 'recall code' ASAP, he bugs you about it constantly because he hates lying to you. It's not even that you're being naive, he genuinely hates that he's being trusted when you were supposed to question him.

Dogmeat; my favorite thing about Dogmeat is that I'll spend an hour scrapping all dog houses in Sanctuary, make him a little area in my backyard with a house, food bowl, toys, a rug, and classical music, and he thanks me by getting up on my countertops to sleep, using my antique pie collection as bedding.

Gage; Wears a fake eyepatch and throws hissy fits when my army of sexy chads curbstomps his furries, Nepo babies, and Joker stans. This is entirely wishful thinking and I get why this didn't happen, but I would have liked an option to convince him "Hey, I'm coming back with my army to wipe out all these raiders, but I'll give you a chance to join me or leave since you also seem to hate these chuckleheads." I appreciate his shady convict uncle vibes. I would let him teach Shaun how to cheat at cards.

Hancock; takes mentats to feel "intellectual" when he has the second highest INT of all the companions. Also, his puppy dog eyes. "IM FERAL NOW" as he gets his ass kicked by a legendary god roach

MacCready; dork man. he has more cliche stock line jokes than Deacon. I unironically vibe with his taste in trailers, fucking LOVE leopard print (fake bc we don't fuck with wasteful animal hunting like that). He's a very cozy companion to travel with, for lack of a better description. Like if a thermos of soup was a human.

Nick; Nick is what I imagine Mac would be like as he got older—just a laid-back weirdo who wants whats best for you and will insult you so you understand that. I love his tacky ass agency sign. I wish you could put him in other clothes, because I need him in a bathrobe wielding a cane against my enemies. Just really succumb to the grumpy uncle vibes.

Old Longfellow; reminds me strongly of my old neighbor, an elderly southern gentleman who was a sniper in the military, had a chunky rottie named Baby, and once watched me play Fallout and gave his opinions on the design of the weapons in game. That man is now in Thailand with his girlfriend. I've never traveled with Longfellow but I'm pretty sure its a 1 to 1.

Preston; if you don't take Preston to Quincy, I don't blame you, because oh man, does he not have a great time there! Preston sounds five seconds away from snapping his gun over his knee and going for strangulation in Quincy. King shit.

Piper; I was pretty harsh to Piper but I love her gaslight gatekeep girlboss approach to her life. She's like an adult Junie B Jones. Piper has never had her shit together and is self-medicating with sugar harder than Hancock and Cait do with drugs. She's a cringefail woman. If Bethesda was brave they would have gone with her pixie cut concept.

X6-88; a blank canvas for me to go wild on with the fanon. But I love how he's just an asshole 10 year old murderbot that's scared of heights, thinks Power Armor is so cool he privately fangirls over Danse, is scared of children, and gushes over how awesome the Survivor is to his courser buddies. What a babe.

#fallout 4 #fo4 #fallout 4 companions #paladin danse #preston garvey #piper wright #robert joseph maccready #nick valentine #john hancock #i have literally nothing to like abt strong sorry #hes real big and green. i guess green is a nice color?#oh wait. Mack Ree Dee. there. good Strong thing

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cherievol6 · 2 years

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crying in the backseat - pt II

PART ONE

word count: around 3k

warnings: swearing, lots and lots of sap, harry being cute (😡)

“Thanks for coming over, I really appreciate you answering my message.”

You nod and smile politely, eyes travelling around the glass shelving in the centre of the room, a few books displayed here and there, a particularly prominent one in the middle, propped next to a gold plaque. This is the only book that reads New York Times Bestseller, and you suddenly click the pieces together.

“Oh wow, bestseller? That’s incredible.” You remark, pointing to the book. She smiles, thanking you sweetly before offering you a drink and a seat on her plush sofa. You felt awkward, to say the least, but you weren’t about to be rude to this girl, when she graciously invited you into her London flat to sort things out.

“I have Harry’s team to thank for that one.” She raises her eyebrows, nodding less than enthusiastically, and although it makes you stiffen, you reply firmly, “No, you have your own penmanship to thank. They just gave you that extra push.”

Her face softens at this. “See, you’re such a nice person. That’s why I wanted to ask you over. I don’t like having bad blood with women, it doesn’t sit right with me.”

“There’s no bad blood here, trust me.” You laugh weakly, “I’m the least confrontational person you’ll meet.”

“At least let me apologise above all Y/N. It was my fault the meeting ended up with a few drinks here and there, I wasn’t at all trying to take Harry away from your commitments. I genuinely had no idea. I really don’t want you to think I was scheming, my best friend just showed up with shots at the table because we found out that night that my book outsold most in its genre.” She laughs nervously, her cheeks turning pink, and you suddenly feel bad for the bitter thoughts you had about her. You shake your head, taking a sip from you tea and puffing out a breath.

“No, God, please don’t apologise. Shit, now I feel really guilty.” You laugh, pressing your hands to your cheeks to quell the blushing.

“No! Oh my god, please don’t feel bad! I would want to give me a clip around the ear if I was you.” She leans forward, placing a hand on your arm. It’s comforting, to say the least, and you feel yourself lightening slightly. This is a step forward.

“Harry is the one I want to clip around the ear, babe.”

“He would let you. That man is whipped. You should have heard how much he would go on about you when we’d go on public outings and stuff. The way he described you made me like you instantly.”

You feel your heart this quicker and avoid eye contact, wrapping your hands around the mug once again to busy them, so she wouldn’t see them shaking. What was he talking to her about?

“He’s not- we’re not…dating or anything.” You stammer. She squints and nods with an unconvinced look on her face.

“It sounded like he wished you were.” She remarks, finally taking a sip of her coffee and smiling, as if she didn’t just shatter your entire earth around you.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, the way he spoke about you two, I guess. I remember him saying that he hoped you knew each other in every walk of life, or something, because you’re like soulmates. I asked him if he meant romantically and he just went red and didn’t answer. It made me tear up so badly that I used it in my book, so please don’t tell him I told you.” She cackles. Your body feels all warm and fuzzy inside, and it’s like you’ve been carrying a heavy weight for so long that someone had finally relieved. Did Harry truthfully feel the same way as you?

“He said that?” You whisper in disbelief. She nods, knowing smile on her face. “He’s never said anything like that to my face.”

“Now I can’t speak for him, but I think he’s a little bit obsessed with you. To the point where he felt like he had to reel himself in a bit and create distance so you wouldn’t find him too much.”

She’s revealing so much information that’s answering so many questions in your head, it almost feels like Harry has scripted this out and asked her to say it verbatim back to you. You sigh shakily, digesting all of this as it comes. Him saying that he was sure the meeting was business, him missing a few of your prior commitments, because he felt like he was being too much.

“Has he ever mentioned…like? Feelings?” You stammer, ringing your hands together and looking at her innocently. Her hand is warm as it slips out of her mug and captures yours tightly.

“Y/N. The only person you can ask that question, is Harry.”

And off you went, finishing the cup of tea she made you after draining every ounce of information you could out of her brain before she was apologising and rushing out of the door beside you to meet her editor. As she departed down the street in her tall heels, she planted a kiss on your cheek.

“Go and give him a peace of your mind, and then go and tell him how you feel. It’s not worth waiting, my love. If he goes weird, let him go weird. At least you can move on with your life knowing you at least jumped at the opportunity. We only get one.”

And you could see why she was a writer, she spoke passionately, as if she was delivering a life-changing monologue in a Young Adult film set in the nineties. It made a lump form in your throat, and you had to will away tears as you stood in the bitter winter weather of West London.

Tears threaten slip hotly down your cheeks as you march down the street, ignoring the fact that it was starting the sleet, and how this was the most predictable reunion you could ever orchestrate. You’re past caring at this point, locating whereabouts you are exactly in relation to his usual studio, setting off on foot to find him. You recalled Sarah that morning saying he was going in to record that day so you figured you’d try your luck. The sight of Harry’s small yellow car stirs up something inside you when you finally reach the small jaunty studio.

“What the fuck am I doing?” You breathe, staring at the door looking bewildered. Impulse brought you here, and now you’re not sure how to let the rest of the plan unfold.

“Y/N?” A voice warms the chill in your spine from the wet snow falling, and you spin around. Harry stands at a side door down the small alleyway, phone pressed to his ear and a sad frown etched on his features.

“Hey.” You manage.

“Hi.” He matches your breathless tone.

“I- wanted. Erm…Can we talk?” You stammer, wrapping your hands around your body more to contain your body heat. He falters for a second, removing the phone and looking at the call that wasn’t going through, before looking back at you. He snaps out of his daze.

“Yeah, yes of course. Come in, I bet you’re freezing.” You almost laugh at the irony, considering you found yourselves in the cold last time your relationship went on a different trajectory. He leads you through colourful corridors, reaching a studio and pushing in. You smell his usual pumpkin scented candle he likes to take wherever he goes and needs a piece of home. It makes you feel nostalgic.

“Are you okay? Why are you on this side of London?” He queries, awkwardly shutting off a very melancholy-sounding demo that croons through the speakers, itching the back of his neck.

“I was in the area. Remembered your studio was here.” Is all you say, shrugging and perching on a beanbag in the corner of the room.

“Oh, yeah. So, erm. How have you been?” He struggles, crossing and un-crossing his legs. You watch sadly, seeing him so uneasy because you hadn’t seen each other or spoken a word for weeks was heart wrenching.

You look down at your rings and twist them around, not answering for a minute and just basking in the silence.

“Um-” your voice cracks slightly but you clear it, “I’ve been better, if I’m honest.”

His answer seems to surprise him, his eyebrows lifting slightly and then frowning. “Oh?”

You nod, feeling your bottom lip trembling. God, you were already getting emotional and you hadn’t been there for longer than ten minutes. The tears don’t spill yet, and you take it as a chance to speak through the clarity of your voice before it got even higher and thicker with tears.

“It’s been quiet without you.” You confess. He holds your eyes, bouncing his gaze between the two and sighing through his nose. He nods, rubbing his hands on his legs (something he did when nervous).

“It’s never been so silent…and tidy in my house.” He lets out a small giggle as he says it, smile stretching up his face. You shake your head, letting a tear or two slip down your cheek. A laugh splutters out of you and swipe your nose, praying that he doesn’t notice your trembling hands. “Shut up.”

He raised his hands in faux defence, and god had you missed him. A lot.

“I hate this.” You whine through the tears, “we’ve never fought like this before, H.” His face immediately softens into a sad grimace.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He shakes his head, hanging it low on his neck in defeat. “I was a shitty friend. A really, really shitty friend. Like off the scale, shitty.” You shake your head, but he goes on, “I was too caught up in making my boss happy and making my career better to focus on the one person who means the most to me.”

You’re not even sure if you can classify the feeling in your stomach as butterflies, because it feels more like an overwhelming bout of nausea, almost as if you’re back on a ferry as a child, leaning over the edge and hoping you don’t fall.

“Me?” Your voice is small and he gives you a deadpan look.

“No, Sarah.” He jests. “Of course it’s you. God, you don’t know half of the things I would do for you, do you?”

You wipe the tears from your lashes and duck your head, feeling slightly shy at his words. Now’s the time to tell him, you think.

Your heart thuds and you rub the sweat from your palms to quell your anxiety. This moment had awaited you for too long, and you think here, right now, in the middle of a random studio in London, you’re about to tell Harry that you love him. And that you’ve loved him since you can remember.

“I feel that way about you too. But, not in the sense that you’d think…” he swallows and you don’t even dare raise your eyes from their fixed place on his neck, “I guess, the reason I was so angry that day, was because you mean a lot to me. It’s hard feeling like the person you love hasn’t got time for you…”

“You know I’ve got love for you too, Y/N-“

“That’s where we differ, because I’m in love with you. Like, pathetically in love with you?” Your voice tail ends like a question, because you’re full of insecurity. The tears are free-flowing now, and your body is trembling as though you’re still stuck in the sleet. “…And I’m fucking sick of keeping it to myself, Harry, okay? I’ve had it with me for too long.”

“Y/N…” his solemn tone throws you off, and it kicks your body into action.

“No, Harry, please. If you’re going to shoot me down, it’s fine. Don’t bother. I just needed you to know that, okay?” You’re full on crying now, standing up as if you’re going to leave. Harry beats you to it, surging forward and grabbing your shoulders gently.

“Y/N. Please don’t go. Just hear me out.” He pleads, ducking his chin to look into your eyes. You finally meet his gaze and his eyes are like marbles, a sheen to them as though he’s ready to start crying to. He lets out a breath in disbelief and shakes his head, looking down before looking back up.

“I’ve been writing like crazy since our fight. Like, song after song, yeah? I really tried to tap into the feeling of you leaving, and it all just came out of me like a river…” his head cocks to the multitude of scribbling over papers strewn across the room.

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty, because it’s working—”

“No! No. Y/N. You’re not getting it. I’ve been writing about you. You’re my muse, because…well- I- I love you too. But like, love you, love you. Not in a friendly way. And I meant what I said, when I told you I need you…to do all of this.” He gestures to the studio around him, but you know he means generally, living the life he has now.

“You’re the one consistent thing I’ve had since I was a teenager, and I don’t fucking want to change that now. I’m not me without you, y’know. Just ask Mitch, I’ve been a grumpy fucker these past weeks.”

The small punctuation of humour makes you laugh sadly, feeling his thumb come up to brush your cheeks and wipe the wetness that now trails down your neck and on to your scarf.

“Really?” You pout, letting out another cry when he nods, finally embracing you tightly to his body. He laughs through a couple of shed tears and kisses you on the cheek.

“I hate seeing you cry. Got me all emotional now.” He tuts, sniffling. You pull back, completely unbothered about how crazy you look with your makeup running down your face, eyes set on his lips as you boldly weave your fingers through his hair. All of the tension and multitude of emotions boiled up to this point, and you could feel the yearning almost emanating off you. Seeing him and getting emotional almost toppled the cup of feelings you had for him, and now you couldn’t stop the overflow. His nose leans against yours and he blinks slowly, a small smile on his face. You tease your lips towards his but he pulls back.

“Oh yeah?”

“Are you gonna kiss me, or what, you prick?”

“Looking like that? Of course.” He jokes, and you smack his shoulder.

“Ow! Joking.” He grins, but it soon drops and he leans forward, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. You grip his collared shirt and sigh, the feeling of his lips on yours for the first time making your heart swell with love. The kiss is innocent, and sweet, the slowness of it reflecting both of your wishes of how you want this thing to begin.

“Hm. Love you.” He breathes against your lips, wrapping his arms tighter around you, pressing your bodies impossibly closer together. “I love you so fucking much.”

You pull away, “Don’t fucking talk like that because I’ll start crying again.”

“You’re just a sap, I think.” He teases, pushing hair out of your forehead and kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Oh yeah? What’s that little demo you were playing as I walked in, hm?” You try and wrestle from his hold to press the play button. He strains, holding your body tightly and laughing loudly.

“It was my backup plan to come and confess my love to you in the rain with a boom box, but you already orchestrated the whole 90s romantic comedy thing, so…”

“Thin ice.” You warn, but both of your actions hold nothing but malice as you realise you really enjoy kissing one another. He flicks the button and a warm reverb of a guitar huns through the studio, making you pull away and listen in awe. His voice holds nothing but sadness and pain, and it twists your insides like a cloth being wrung.

“You know,” you mumble over the music in the studio, “this is the saddest song I’ve ever slow danced to, I think.” he’s swaying your body gently from side to side now, a small grin on his face. His eyes are deep like wells, but in the way that seems like they’re guarding so much emotion behind them, that can’t be conveyed with words.

“I wrote this one after going on a date with a girl that looked exactly like you, but just wasn’t… you.” He confesses, rubbing his hand in circles over your back. You quietly listen to the lyrics and observe him, seeing how he is practically laying himself bare for you to take. You want to feel jealous, at what he says, but you can’t. Not when a song as personal as this was written when yearning the absence of you.

“I think you’re my soulmate too, Harry. You know that?” You whisper. If his expression could turn even more sappy than before, it does, before it contorts in confusion. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head.

“She told you, didn’t she?”

You burst out laughing, stopping his complaining with a deeper kiss to his lips. He hums, pinching your hip.

“Maybe. You’re a true artiste with your words, honey.” His mouth twitches at the pet name. “I’d keep an eye out for plagiarism, though, apparently you and I are the muse for her next publishing.”

“Is that right?” You nod.

“Better give her a good story then, hm?”

HERE IT IS! this was the umpteenth draft and my brain is now frazzled. i’m really happy with it, so i hope you enjoy my loves. thanks for the support and the kind words! it’s a bit longer than the first, you’re welcome ;) - M x

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reioka-reads · 11 months

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Title: Iron Widow

Author: Xiran Jay Zhao

Status: Keep

Series Continue: Yes

Okay. So. I’m going to preface this by saying that this has some spoilers in it. It’s only been a year so I’m aware that some people might still be on the waiting list at their library for this NYT Best Seller lol.

Anyway, sometimes I take a peep at the negative reviews on books to see if it changes my perspective and this time they absolutely did not. A lot of the negative reviews on this book have the same talking points: It feels rushed/some parts feel shoehorned in. And I agree. But you know what? Zhao does too. I remember them making a post somewhere (I follow them on both Tumblr and TikTok so it could have been either one) explaining how they had to cut back parts because it was their debut novel and in the publishing industry, the companies don’t like those novels to exceed a certain amount. Zhao, also, was not satisfied with their novel as it was published. Knowing that, I felt like I could see the parts where they cut back to fit into those guidelines. I think, if they hadn’t had to cut back, it would have been an even better book than it is.

That being said, I thought this book was great. I actually caught Zhao on TikTok and that’s what led me to reading the book (they are very funny and clever). It was an interesting premise and I enjoyed it. It felt very… refreshing, somehow? I’m not sure that’s the word I want but you know, after the inundation of vampires/werewolves/wizard schools the past few years, it was a breath of fresh air. I especially loved that the one-sidedness of the love triangle lasted maybe about a minute before all of these bi disasters decided actually no let’s be a true triangle. Good for them.

Zetian was brutality in its purest form. I love that for her. But I also loved the parts where she was vulnerable—where she allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of the men she loved. And how she refused to feel shame in front of others either. I also, for some reason, really like that she’s disabled? And it’s a focal point of the story, her constantly thinking about how she’s crippled and how it was supposed to make her desirable but all it did was make her life harder; how she’s constantly comparing her Lotus feet to the unmarred feet of her female peers and feeling envy and shame. It’s not a throwaway problem, it doesn’t get fixed, and I’m interested to see how it’s going to show up in the story in the future. I wish we could have seen Yizhi and Shimin fleshed out as much as she was, but the breadcrumbs that were dropped that I pieced together have me looking forward to maybe seeing more fleshing out in the sequel(s).

This story had so many twists and turns that I was constantly and genuinely shocked (delightfully so!) when they happened. I itched to get back to the book when I had to put it down; I wanted to know what happened next. I honestly didn’t expect the betrayal from the Black Tortoise and Shimin’s “death,” and I mourned with Zetian as soon as his qi reader hit zero. Then she actually found Qin Zheng and the yellow dragon! Piloted it herself!!! And then Shimin wasn’t dead and apparently the “gods” had saved him?! What the fuck!!!! And Yizhi simply killing his father with no remorse, no regrets. Qiu was probably the only person who figured out how Zetian truly ticked and he was so busy facing off with her that he didn’t even think his son could or would turn on him. My only beef is that Xiuying wasn’t alive to see Zetian crush her family to death, so that she could see that Zetian was stronger than her in every way.

I have more thoughts but I can’t really seem to articulate them, so I think I’ll leave this here. So bummed that the release date for Heavenly Tyrant has been pushed back, but I appreciate that Zhao is being transparent for their reasons. If pushing it back means a better story, I’m happy to wait.

#reioka reads #iron widow #xiran jay zhao #book review #books #reading

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fake-daily-watcher-tweets · 2 years

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Besties..do you think that Neil Gaiman knows the impact and importance of his work? The Green Brothers, do you guys think they know? James Dashner?? Uncle Rick?? FUCK.

Like i genuinely would not have made it past middle school without the Maze Runner series. The complexity of the characters was my gateway to millions of other great series, and while the books aren’t my favorite now as a 20 year old, I appreciate everything they did for me in terms of learning to read novels and mapping out in-depth plots.

I wouldn’t have picked my major or found myself able to go through long auto-immune treatments without Hank and John Green..hell I probably wouldn’t have passed my high school classes without them either. Would I have picked the major I did without Crash Course US History.. ?probably not..and gosh, did every single one of their books ruined my life? yep.. (I literally clutched my cluttered TFIOS copy everywhere I went for like 2 years😭). I just want to sit down and talk to them and just even try to understand why they think the way they do.. just gain any wisdom from them.. I have so so so so so much to learn..

and Rick, I genuinely wouldn’t have found understanding for my disabilities without his writings.. I had never seen a main character who also had ADHD/Dyslexia until I met Percy. Not to mention that Will and Nico were the very first gay characters I had been exposed to, and little 10 y/o me had no idea the importance of that for later on.. (Though I blame him for my on going greek mythology phase..not cool uncle rick.. not cool..also I blame him for the creation of one of the best musicals ever ok ok). This man literally shaped part of my life for the better. I have a signed copy of PJO and its my prized possession and I wish that was a joke.

and Neil, literally where do I start? This man’s writings were introduced to me my freshman year of high school and were one of the only things that kept me alive until now. I graduate COLLEGE next year and I genuinely do not know if I would be here if I didn’t have American Gods, Good Omens, and The Sandman.. and who knew that it was going to be Crowley.. of all the fucking characters in the world - that gave me the courage to come out to my friends. (Honestly, it only got worse after David took the role, I’m annoying about it now.. I love that man so much but also Michael <3). Do you guys know the hoops I would jump through just to have a conversation with him?? To thank him for literally everything his work has done for me?? AHHH.

Authors are truly some of the most amazing people. If they can have an impact on such a small, inconsequential life such as mine, just imagine what their writings did and do for others who are bound for such great things. It makes me so excited. Fuck, I cannot wait for my generation to grow up.

Its 6 am and I just got out of exam week (so I haven’t slept for like actually 2 weeks so I don’t know if any of this made sense but take a sip of water if you agree). Goodnight✨.

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jenovahh · 1 month

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He had sauntered into her sleeping quarters, still unused to the unusual warmth of Gridania compared to the unforgiving cold of Garlemald. She was surprised to see him-- clearly not expecting visitors at this hour: let alone him.

Her annoyed pout was almost adorable, if not for the nearly transparent shift she wore when she opened her door to him. Without even waiting for her invitation he waltzed right in, ignoring the way she grumbled about spoiled princes under her breath.

The room is a mixture of greens and browns, just as he would expect of her. It is a lovely room, yet quaint for someone of her standing. The curtains are drawn, letting in moonlight, casting her earthen skin in a heavenly glow as she glides past him.

"You are late."

He's gotten used to her strange way of speaking. How her admonishment sounds like she's genuinely angry with him yet a simple observation. Her timid, feeble nature had irritated him at first, causing him to view her as nothing but means to an end.

But they have spent time together, whether he liked it or not. It would many moons still before their arranged marriage was finalized, yet for the sake of appearances, they were made to be in each other's presence.

However, this is the first time they have been alone in private.

Leaning against a stone wall, he takes note of how she gazes up at him unafraid. It was like a glimpse through the crack of her carefully crafted mask; the one she made to be the perfect princess, the perfect daughter.

He wanted to break it.

"So I am." he replies, waiting to see how she responds. Her wide nose scrunches her whole face in distaste, before smoothing back into something far more neutral.

"I would appreciate if you would leave then. As you can see," she coughs, clearly more embarrassed than she lets on, "...I have already readied myself for bed."

His mouth quirks at that. "Will you make me?"

She frowns at him then, clearly annoyed, but unwilling to pull off the mask. "I cannot make my future husband do anything." she huffs, turning on her bare heel to go sit on the settee behind her.

He tuts at her defensiveness, but he's not willing to give up yet. He's put in too much work to call it quits so soon.

He doesn't answer her as he pushes off the wall to move further into her suite, taking note of the blooming tree in the corner. It is clearly touched by her magic, blooming vibrantly as if it were outside. His eyebrows raise slightly to see just how many tomes she had stashed in her room.

"I'm surprised."

Silence hangs in the air before she finally takes the bait. "About what, exactly?" she asks, clearly exasperated.

Picking up a tome, his glance over the title. Lord of the Revel: A History of the God of the Kojin. It was fairly thick, and when he flipped through a few pages, scanning quickly over the contents, it was clear the text was rather advanced. "That your parents allowed you to have books."

Her eyebrows furrowed further at that. "Just what do you mean?"

He smirks, knowing he was close to getting his wish. "Come now, don't play coy. You've said yourself the King and Queen have sheltered you your entire life." Clapping the tome shut, he returns it to its proper place. "Why even bother educating their little songbird?"

He could see her fists ball into tight knots, her eyes glisten with unshed tears. Time to go in for the kill. "Or perhaps, that was their way to make amends. Since they won't let you out of their gilded cage, you could at least imagine what it would be like to be out of it."

He doesn't even bother dodging the pillow she chucks at him with a frustrated roar, her feline growl reverberating through her chest. "How dare you! You speak against the King and Queen,"

"Your King and Queen, might I add--"

She screams again, throwing the second pillow. "You are insufferable!" she cries, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. He wants to taste them.

"And what will you do about it?" he presses, circling the table to stand over her.

She avoids his eyes then, and he knows she's working to put that mask back in place. "Please leave. I want to sleep."

An excuse, easily recognized. "There are more entertaining things we can do aside from sleep." He begins to pull his gloves off, which snaps her attention back to him. Her eyes are wide with panic.

"W-What are you doing?" she stammers, looking for an escape but he's already bent down to take her hand in his, quickly pulling her into him. She's truly so small next to his height, yet that stirs his lust all the more. How strange that this powerless woman would bring this out of him.

"Testing a theory." he replies, moving to sit down on the settee. Like most things in this palace it is too small for him, but it will have to do. It will at least hold their combined weight as he spreads his legs wide enough for her to fit between them so he can spread her own. She protests the entire time he hikes her shift up past her hips revealing a rather racy undergarment underneath.

His eyes trail up her body after his discovery to meet her eyes, which are clearly looking elsewhere in shame. "A rather vulgar garment for the Eorzean princess, don't you think?" he asks, hooking his finger in the band and snapping it against her skin, causing her to yelp. "Unless...it's for me?"

He hears her mumble under her breath, but it's too quiet for him to hear. Huffing out a laugh, he pulls her down to sit between his thighs, crowding his torso around her to show just how different they are. "Speak up, A'yana."

A shiver races down her spine as his low voice purrs right into her furry ear. "I m-made it myself."

He raises an eyebrow at that, taking another look at the garment. Of course a princess would have tailored garments, yet with a second glance it is clear that it was made by hand. "Did you now...?" he chuckles, one of his hands ghosting across her stomach. "And where did the repressed princess learn how to make such garments?" His other hand begins to slither between her thighs, coaxing them open.

Her ears begin to flatten against her head, her eyes focused on the hand between her legs. "I-In a book."

He chuckles at that, pressing a kiss to the bare skin of her neck. She still smelled of the milk and oats of her bath. "How interesting...would I be correct to assume you hide your more...indecent literature from the prying eyes of your parents?"

She nods, breath stuttering as her attention remains fixed on his hand, his fingers threading through the thin strips of her underwear. Following her gaze, he can feel the heat of her center as he slides his hand lower, finally pulling the garment aside. "Tell me, A'yana," he rumbles, bringing his finger back up to his mouth, slicking them a bit first. "Is there anything else you wish to recreate?"

His other hand grazes across her chest before finally settling on a breast, taking the globe in one hand, testing its weight. The one testing her core glides through the slick there, surprised at how wet she already is. Virginal indeed.

"You must tell me, A'yana." he urges, unsure himself why he wants to hear it from her lips. His gaze is trained on her face, wanting to see what expressions she'll make. "There is no shame here. After all, we are to be wed are we not?"

She's biting down harshly on her lip, nodding roughly as her hips writhe for a pleasure they've yet to experience. "T-Touch me," she finally gets out, clinging onto him.

"Good girl." he begins to pet her in earnest, fixated on every noise, every movement he pulls from her as his fingers play with her clit, play with her entrance. He wonders if she's ever touched herself or if that too was repressed. It was not uncommon for noble women to be denied sexual liberation in favor of supposed purity, treated like breeding stock to be sold to the highest bidder.

By the time the night is over, she will be begging for his touch. He can't wait to see the King and Queen during their next meeting, knowing he'll have ruined their little bargaining chip far before the marriage.

Her juices coat his fingers readily, his fingers reaching deep within her body, seeking the spot that will have her crying his name. The closer he pushes her, the more magic fills the room, her markings faintly glowing as she bucks in his hold. Devoid of magic himself, even her can feel her power beneath his armor, on his skin. He's torn between watching how the plants in the room almost glow just like her, how the the flames of the lamps burn brighter, but do not catch fire. Such raw power, such magic, it is beautiful.

And she is beautiful because of it.

Her first orgasm doesn't take long, her hands holding onto him for dear life. He watches patiently as she goes slack in his hold, almost boneless as she catches her breath. As she calms down, so too does the magic in the room, leaving him feeling bereft with its loss.

He wants to know it again.

He samples her juices, tastes her power on his tongue, and it might be the most damning thing he's ever done. If he were to look back to find the point of no return--

It would be here.

#final fantasy xiv #zenos #ffxiv #zenyana #my writings

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theclosetedskeleton · 7 months

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(had to send this here because it goes past the discord character limits) haiiii just a little reminder that;

i love you. more than words and numbers combined can describe, and i mean that. you are genuinely the most amazing human ive ever met and im so fucking happy that youre just here. you fill my mind 24/7 and i cant get you out of my thoughts. anything you do, no matter how small you think it is, makes me smile. you just make me so insanely happy by just being here, and when i say happy i mean it. i havent felt such happiness like this. you make me want to psychically implode(/extremely pos) because of how giddy you make me. i care about you so much and i can never go an hour without thinking about how youre doing. you are really important to me. youre my everything, the light of my life, and i wouldnt want anyone else here to fill that role except for you. i would do anything, everything, and all the things i could possibly (or impossibly) do just to make you happy. whether that ranges from creating another separate milky way just with my mind or by finding you a song you cant find. if itll make you happy im already doing it. i will always and i mean ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what. the time, place, mood im in, it doesnt matter. if you need me i will be there. and if theres a time you need me and im asleep? dont be scared to call and hangup after so my phone ringing will wake me up. i may not be there physically with you, but i will try my very best to be with you whenever i can online. i could legitimately listen to you ramble all fucking day. it doesnt matter if i even know anything about what you want to ramble about, if you want to talk about it i am always here to listen. you deserve everything you want and more. you deserve the whole world and i will do my best to give it to you. i really am the luckiest person in the world just to even know you. if i could, i would make all the bad things disappear without a trace. and i know this weeks been pretty rough, and im sorry you have to deal with me just being bleh, but i really appreciate you being here. it means more to me then youll ever know. i really hope we last longer than forever. you mean everything to me.

i love you ezra <33333/gen/qp

AWWWWWJSKWHWJSMNS !!!!!!!!! GRINNING SO SOSOSO HARD RIGHT NOW <33333333333

I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!! SO SO SO SOSOSOSOSOO SOOO MUCH LIKE I CANT. COMPREHEND OR DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I DO AND I DONT THINK ANYONE CAN. !!!!!!!!! YOU MAKE ME LIKE. THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE JUST BY EXISTING!!!!!! I LITERALLY MEAN THAT!!!! THERE DOESNT GO A SINGLE DAY WITHOUT ME SMILING BECAUSE OF YOU!!,, THIS I S GONNA SOUND REALLY REALLY CLICHÉ BUT NOBODY HAS MADE ME FEEL LIKE THIS (IN A /VVVVVVVVPOS WAY !!!)!!!! YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING AWESOME WONDERFUL KINDEST ANY OTHER WORD THAT FITS PERSON EVER.!!!!!!!!!!!YOURE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, THE STARS THE MOON, EVERYTHING !!!!!!!! EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND IM SO HAPPY I GET ANOTHER DAY TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!!! YOU MAKE ME SO GIDDY BY LITERALLY DOING NOTHING OH MY GOD <33333!!!!!! ITHINK ABOUT YOU LIKE ALL THE TIME, THERE NEVER GOES A SINGLE DAY WHERE I DONT THINK ABOUT YOU OR WHAT YOURE DOING OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOU !!!!! <3333333 I CARE ABOUT YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH. I MEAN THIS, <333 I WOULD DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING FOR YOU, EVEN IF IT WERE JUST TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A LITTLE MORE EASIER!!!!!!!! YOU CAN ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS TELL ME ANYTHING !! WHATEVERS BOTHERING YOU AND WHATNOT, EVEN IF ITS THE TINIEST THING!!! YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING; THE SKY THE WORLD THE MOON THE STARS THE EVERYTHING!!!! AND SOME MORE !!! AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GIVE IT TO YOU <33333 I WISH I COULD JUST. SNAP MY FINGERS AND YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SINGLE THING AGAIN IF I COULD ID ERASE ALL OF YOUR TROUBLES.!!!!! I HOPE WE LAST LONGER THAN FOREVER, AND LONGER THAN THAT !!!!!

(ALSO ITS ALRIGHT, DW!!!!!!)

I LOVE YOU TOO RICKY <3333333!!!!!!!!!GEN/QP

#closet rambles again on tumblr

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queer-reader-07 · 4 months

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Hey there, I don't really have a question, so if you feel annoyed because of my quite long writing (sorry!), just ignore me.

I read your Catholic Post several times and...it is always breaking my heart! I am so sorry for what you have been through, for what you must endure through catholic church! 😢 It was so wrong that horrible people gave you the feeling or even told you (for years), that you are wrong, that your feelings and dreams and thoughts are sinful. And I am so glad, that you are figthing these terrible trauma and that Good Omens, the book, the show, helps you to deal with it.❤

You know, my experiences were or still are different, I grew up and still live in a progressive catholic community. For me, being sometimes a "strange girl" in many eyes I was lucky to experience that my (queer) community, their beliefs, my teachers at school (yep, private catholic school, too), the priests, the social workers, my parents and friends did not eat away my self-confidence, but brought it to life!

I suppose, that totally depends on in which community or school you grow up and maybe also in which country you are living. And I don't want to do some missionary work on you or something, I just want to say, that there are still (quite many) catholic people out there, who think as you do: You are human and you are good and loved! And that is what christian religion in its core stands for ("Be kind to each other"). For me my belief is that God loves humanity in each and every way, and if a church cannot live these core of love it is already doomed! And I am struggeling quite often, when I read posts like yours or talk to people who were mistreated so painful or even worse, had or have been abused...sometimes I wanna quit catholic church, too. There are still several toxic people in charge...

What keeps me staying is that in Germany people/we do quite an afford to speak against a catholic church, that wants to cast out people, who don't "fit in".

https://www.outinchurch.de/

https://www.synodalerweg.de/

(Sorry, most of all is in german)

Of course, these efforts are still very little steps, but at least there are steps. And if the church is not able to develop, it will kill itself.

So, from a still-catholic to a non-catholic: I hug you, you are great!❤

I wish you a merry Christmas!

it makes me genuinely happy to know that you've had and continue to have a positive, healthy, and supportive experience in the Church.

i don't know that religion will ever be for me again, i don't even know what i believe in exactly. i know i believe in people, i believe in the human story, but other than that? it's a bit nebulous.

i appreciate your words, it is comforting to know that there are catholics & religious folk in general who believe in what Christ actually taught. Be kind to each other.

i hope you have a merry christmas as well 💜

#catholicism #catholic #ex catholic #ask answered #answered asks #asks #asks open #not good omens #but also still #good omens

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clubwnderland · 6 months

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⤷⋆⋆ 𝑺𝒂𝒏 𝑼𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 ♡

I had been watching a lot of action movies lately and playing Street Fighter on my arcade machine so I thought... why not be one? Meet Jace! Why Jace? I don't know, I just thought the name was badass and made me look hot haha he kicks ass first and takes names later!

Wiping his brow, San lets out a sigh of relief when everything is done and Irene tells the workers to get ready. "I'll help get this stuff away," he says, helping Chan and Juyeon with leftover supplies and putting them in the storeroom for now. There's a chuckle coming from the others as he stops by to grab a drink of water and San rolls his eyes. It's honestly hard work trying to keep up with demons and werewolves who were all barely breaking a sweat while San needs to have a shower before getting ready.

It's not like he's complaining. He loves his job, he loves what he does and those that he gets to work with but... sometimes he does wish that they knew what it was like. San only wishes that Chan understood how hard it can be to carry heavy crates of drinks back and forth all night. He wishes that Juyeon understood how easy a heart can break when not treated with care. He wishes his co-workers knew how to appreciate the small things that they so easily scoff at.

It takes him a while to get ready, the detail that takes the longest for him to work out is the make-up over his face and torso, making it look like he's all grubby and been in a fight but luckily Jangmi is more than happy to help when she had finished getting ready. "Nice outfit," San says, smiling when she makes him sit down.

She gets her make-up palette open and even grabs the Halloween kit that she had bought earlier that day. "It's not an outfit! I drank a potion, I'm a bunny for the night!" Jangmi smiles brightly, bringing the brush to his skin and starts what she would call a masterpiece. San's eyes widen; he isn't surprised by the fact that she had changed her entire being but what does surprise him is that she risked some kind of mishap happening to her again. He's still haunted by what happened, being the Devil for that period of time had really given him a new appreciation for Irene and... he never ever wants to have to deal with that again.

Jangmi can play with fire like that - he's fine the way he is.

"There we go~." She taps the brush to his nose. Giggling as she does so before skipping off to go and deal with the big, scary looking God who has been watching from one of the booths, San thanks her and grabs his phone and sends Yura a message with a selfie of himself attached. 'I'll be able to finish early tonight! Come to the club for a little bit, what do you say?' He sends her some kisses and hearts, totally trying to make her giggle before he hears Irene call for everyone to get into position. Walking over to the switches, San looks around as bodies move quickly and flicks the main lights off and turns all the other lights on.

It's go time.

The night feels like its dragging on, the hours slowly ticking by while the club starts getting busier. A good turn out, as always, but San is just wanting to be out there and having fun like everyone else his age.

But this is the life he chose when he started working there.

His whole expression changes, his smile grows more genuine when San sees Yura and her friends making their way through the crowd. All he can think about as he sees her walking towards him is that he is seriously the luckiest man in here; anyone can disagree with him but he will still say it.

He's not really needed tonight which makes him feel like he's being given a chance to get out there and do whatever he wanted. Irene had hired a few extra hands for the night so when the women arrive, he rushes over to Chan and taps his shoulder. "I'm gonna go dance with my girl," San beams, running around the bar to give Yura a hello kiss.

"She's not your girl yet," Chan calls out but he doesn't acknowledge it, waving dismissively while they head to the dance floor.

"I still have an hour," he says, speaking into Yura's ear so she can hear him over the music, "and then I'm all yours!" He grins as they dance, bodies moving as one to the beat of the music and he's loving it. His hands are on her hips, gripping her tightly to keep her close, he closes his eyes for a moment to revel in this. When was the last time they were able to do something like this? He hopes that when his shift is over that they can continue the good, fun vibes and head out to go somewhere else. Somewhere that isn't a club run by the Devil and other supernatural creatures. He has an idea, something that he wants to do since it's been a while but it needs to be a group consensus, right? He can't just...

"Do you want to stay here when you finish?" Yura asks, arms around his neck and lips tickling the shell of his ear as she speaks.

Shaking his head, he knows exactly where he wants to go once his shift is over. "A friend of mine is having a house party," he suggests, "it's not as pack as this but it'll be a nice, regular house party." San hopes that she picks up what he means by that, that they can go and do something normal. Something human.

As much as San loves working at the club, being the only human does have its obvious downsides and part of it is always feeling a little left out when it comes to... well, everything.

Yura turns away, San still holding onto her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder, as she speaks to her friends to see if they are wanting to head over to this house party he had mentioned or stay here and possibly go club hopping. His hips are still moving with the music, the heat from the packed club has sweat sliding down the back of his neck and potentially causing his make-up to smudge but it doesn't matter, nothing really matters because the night will be spent with Yura and that's all he cares about right now.

That's what he's thinking about, how much he loves her, how much he's enjoying this time with her, before she turns flawlessly in his arms and gives him a wide smile. "It's a plan."

He feels so human. Being out, in costume, a little tipsy and singing along with whatever song is playing on the radio, he feels so human.

When they had reached the party, some of San's friends were already waiting for him to arrive and as soon as they get out of the car and rush over to say their hellos the party really got started. Everyone is dressed up, some as werewolves, some as characters from games, a few witches, vampires, the works but everyone there, as far as San knows, are human and it makes the night seem that much more special.

They got to drink, play beer pong and kiss under the strobe light while everyone cheers them on and laughs as San dips Yura low, nearly causing them to fall over by how quickly he does it. They got to sing at the top of their lungs and eat lukewarm slices of pizza that tastes like the best thing that they've ever eaten. They got to call a cab and stumble into Yura's place, hushing each other as they giggle and try to take off their shoes.

They were able to do things that San hasn't done in a while. He hasn't gone out drinking with friends because he's always so aware of everything and everyone due to work. He hasn't been able to eat terrible fast food because he's too busy trying to stay healthy and keep up with those around him. He certainly hasn't been able to spend this time with Yura in a while, something he deeply regrets but tries to make up for as he kisses her every chance that he gets.

They got to be normal. A normal couple. Something that seems like a rarity in his life these days.

"You really wanted to get out of there, didn't you?" Yura says as she wraps her arms around his neck, his hands instantly moving to her waist and holding her close.

Chuckling, San's hands slowly help her undress, removing the tight fitting costume from her body as they move towards the bedroom. "I just wanted to be normal for once." Kissing her before pulling the shirt over her head and dropping it to the ground.

They slowly help each other settle for the night, San helping Yura into her night clothes while Yura cleans off the make-up that had managed to survive the night. They wind down, talking about the night and settling into each other's embrace before soft, sleepy goodnights are whispered and Yura falls asleep. San lays there, eyes heavy with sleep as he looks at the woman in his arms for a moment and smiles softly. "I love you." He whispers before finally laying down to rest, falling asleep with her which is something he loves doing.

Man, he's so lucky to be human.

💙 @blogger-yura

#post: san #beautiful flower 🧡

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sparklingpax · 1 year

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Hi! You know, I'm here to thank you. Thanks for the content and searching for a lot of details on Super-God Masterforce! Honestly, I consider it one of the best works on transformers, and it's very nice to see people who share a love for this anime. I hope someday it will be appreciated as a classic of transformers, as it deserves. And it seems that we are on the way to that. I want to say that there is another person on this planet Earth who loves Super-God Masterforce, and is not so alone in this! I hope this thought warms you up a little! (I apologize for the mistakes, I use a translator)

HI THERE UMMM

First, let me apologize profusely for the fact that I took.....way too long to finally answer this, but it was only because I wanted to wait until I had a moment to sit down and write a thoughtful response to this >//<’’

(Also don’t worry about the translator, your message is clear and all :3 I’m going to apologize in advance just in case I have any typos in my response, as I tend to get lost in my own writing quite often haha ^^’’)

Getting this ask genuinely made my day, you are the nicest human being waaa 😭💙💕✨ thank you so much!!! And I'm glad too that there's yet another person who likes Masterforce out there!! >w< Like, there's so few of us, but we are strong, and we are growing!!! hehe >:3 I will continue doing what I can to generate content for everyone to enjoy ^w^

OMG AND YEA!! MASTERFORCE IS INDEED A CLASSIC AND DESERVES SO MUCH MORE LOVE THAN IT GETS??? Lowkey I feel like a lot of tf fans just write it off as "the strange one with lots of humans" or deadass forget about/have no idea of its existence and I just??? Like it makes me so sad and even maybe juuuust a little irked ;w; literally people are out there acting like some tf characters came from the comics and not from this series for example.....*lies on the floor and sobs*

But I will hold onto hope that someday, more people come to appreciate this series and hold it in higher regard. It's got great writing, cool designs (and in the episodes where the animation was on-point, really good visuals), a banger OST (insert songs of course included~), great characters who mostly receive a lot of development throughout the series, really interesting concepts that I wish were used more often in TF media, and just....the vibe of the whole show is so good 😩💗👏 I have so much appreciation in general for all the installments of the Japanese branch of G1, but I feel like Masterforce was just the best mix of everything that can be seen in other series 😎

So anyways, even if I am slow with my art and writing and everything, I will probably never stop making content for Masterforce, writing random ramble-y things about details of the canon lore I think are cool!! And I am honored you found my account and enjoyed it as much!

Apologies once again for being so late with this (😳🙏) but thank you so much for this ask 🥺🥰

I've kept it in mind on days where my personal life has been going badly (which is a lot lately qwq) and I start feeling bad about a lot of things, including stuff regarding my social media/art/etc--at those times I reminded myself that there are people out there who get me when I talk about Masterforce--and I smile and feel a bit better.

So ye! Sorry this is a bit long!! Here's a little doodle I made, to hopefully make up for the wait ^^'' sorry it's a bit rough 😳 but, it's the whole Autobot gang (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)💙

Have a nice day/evening also!!! :D

-Kuni 💖

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system-of-a-feather · 2 years

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Sorry for probably rendering your notifications a mess after I went through your blog like it's my dash 😅 I just really find your posts insightful and ended up spamming you a bit as a result.

PFFT No worries. Some other users do that too from time to time; its all good. Your tags were quality content and I too want "Jake Lockley killing Bezos in S2 Challenge" because yes. Please. I need that. Marvel, please make that the whole plot of S2. Send message. /joking

Honestly, we have gotten to a place with having DID where a lot of the stuff people struggle with and talk about on in early stages or things that seem non-intuitive / not-obvious are just so like... integrated into our normal daily life that we don't even really remember or think about mentioning it? So its been a bit of a fun moment to sit and look at some people making weird assumptions, stretches, and just missing major things about living with DID because they don't live this life 24/7

I think its nice to open up conversations on stuff like this, and Moon Knights been pretty good for prompting topics and thoughts in our head including a fucking five day long trauma spike spell, but totally worth and totally fine /genuine/ and usually people without DID (especially people without trauma) rarely talk about trauma, abuse, and shit - and when they do they usually talk about it horribly - so I do like that some parts of the 'normie' /light hearted memeing/ parts of the world are actually having the concept of abuse brought into their backyard in a way they can digest. (though I will say much of the MK tags are full of people who obviously aren't survivors, which I'm glad they aren't but its kinda funny)

I think the thing from Moon Knight that - having sat on it and its ending for a while - I liked is that it the main impact / theme built by Marc having DID isn't that hes "quirky" or a "killer" or "uwu cool acting shots" which like yeah sure, its part of it - but the MAIN theme in my opinion is that Marc having DID makes him a vulnerable party and the amount of manipulation, gaslighting, and infantilizing that he gets as a result.

Because THAT there, is very real and a painful reality that most people without DID don't know, don't realize, and often forcefully stigmatize to say that no no no, people with DID are MORE dangerous.

Not having a completely memory file, not having continuous and coherent memory of who you are talking to and what you are doing, not having full and entire control of your life and body due to dissociated parts acting independently of 'your' wishes, having a long history of easily exploitable trauma and trauma-based coping that people who know could take advantage of, not always knowing who you are, looking overtly mentally ill and thus being assumed to be unable to make any valid judgements, etc etc. That shit is very very very real.

Its why a lot of people who went through childhood trauma and developed DID end up getting a long long wrap sheet of traumas throughout their life that extend far past childhood and even living at home. We got Harrow gaslighting gods, we had Gods completely infantilizing and looking down upon Marc for "not knowing his name" and shit, we had Harrow just straight up chronically gaslighting him, we have Khonshu over here just being well *motions to his piece of shit manipulative bird headass*. Like the ONLY character in the whole series to not take advantage of it is Layla (and Taweret), and shes confused as shit about it - and thats decently accurate imo.

That I think is what I appreciate the most from the series in the end of it. Anyways I'm always open to going on rambles and thoughts.

-Riku (Host)

#moon knight #moon knight spoilers #mk tw #mk #moon knight tw #mk spoilers #ask #asks #jake lockley #jake lockley tw

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letterstokittyann · 5 months

Text

My dear square head Kitty Ann,

It has been almost a year since we first met. I never expected our relationship to develop to what it is today, and I feel very fortunate to have met you. You are genuine, kind and very sweet. I do not feel this way about another girl.

With you, I feel very happy and free to be myself. I do not like this world with all its evil, ugliness and imperfections. With you, I feel like I can escape from the real world into another world where I feel happy. All my relationships have always been cut short and never worked out, and no other girl in my life has felt the way you feel about me. No one else has shown the kind of appreciation, care and love that you have shown to me. This is something very precious and rare for me. It is not every day that I meet someone like you. I am very thankful for this, and I want to cherish you. You are someone who is special to me.

When I was alone and not in a relationship, I only needed to care for myself and live life in my own way. But once you entered my life, I have a reason to learn to be more responsible and considerate, to accommodate one important person in my life. You have given me a reason to want to be better, to have something to fight for, to live with more purpose, to grow up and mature as a person. Every man wants to be a hero to somebody, to feel like he matters to somebody. And I want to be a hero to you.

Sometimes when I think of you, I feel happy and sad at the same time, and I cry a little bit. I cry, because I feel happy. I cry, because I feel sad that I miss you. I cry, because I feel sad that this relationship is unfair to you, as I am not there with you more often and not able to give you the relationship that you should have. Sometimes, I wonder if I am the right person for you, because it can feel very difficult to be far away and not seeing me most of the time. I cry, also because I am afraid that something unexpected might happen that cause the relationship to be more difficult or not work out even if I try my best to fight for it.

As I have mentioned before, the most important concern for me is whether our beliefs about the big things in life will become misaligned and cause our relationship to have strains and conflicts. And to me, the biggest thing in life is Jesus Christ.

I have not mentioned to you this before. In Christian belief, it is a sin and disobedience to God for a Christian to marry or be intimate with a non-Christian. I was not doing the right thing in God’s eyes when I asked you out on Tinder and wanted to flirt with you, because you were not a believer of Jesus Christ back then. This is not your fault, this is entirely my wrongdoing. As a Christian, I am very far from perfect and still very sinful. I am not a good Christian in some ways. In general, I still want to follow Jesus and obey Him, because I believe the gospel to be real and I know that that I need Jesus in my life. But sometimes, I am weak and still sin and fall to temptation. But even though I regret disobeying God, I do not regret meeting you and knowing you. Our first meeting happened because I chose to sin, but it can never change the fact that I found a wonderful person like you who has made me so much happier.

I am also afraid to share our real story to my church leader. I have only told him part of the story, and I was not entirely honest with him. I am afraid that if I reveal everything, he might advise me to end our relationship. I cannot bear to disappoint you and break your heart. I really want our relationship to work out, for it to be the last relationship for you and me. Also, I have observed that church leaders are also far from perfect and make many mistakes and give unwise advice that spoil people’s relationships. This also makes me unwilling to share very honestly and openly to my church leader. In my heart, I actually wish that he will not ask so many questions and be ok for me to continue our relationship. Church leader cannot force me to do anything, but I will find myself in a difficult situation if he says “I think it is better for you to end this relationship” and I go against his advice. In my heart, I know I want to continue this relationship and get married and be happy. I am fighting to make it happen.

It is no problem and perfect if you continue to believe the gospel, continue to learn and follow Jesus Christ more and more. Ideally, if I am lucky, you will become a partner who encourages me to believe and follow Jesus Christ, and able to know the Bible well enough to advise me using God’s word. But this is only my dream and preferred outcome, nobody can guarantee that it will happen. I can only hope that this will be the outcome. As you learn more and more, you might agree, you might disagree, you might choose to follow Jesus Christ more, or you might choose to live life your own way. No matter what, I want you to be true to your heart.

There is so much that I want to say to you about Jesus Christ and Christianity, to tell you about what the Bible says, and help you understand. But I cannot rush the growth and learning. Learning and growing needs to take its natural progression. It will not be right for me to apply pressure, and try to push you to very quickly believe what I believe. I did not want to tell you this from the start, because that might feel like I am giving you pressure to believe without thinking through. I also don’t want the relationship to be the motivation to believe, because that will not be genuine. There is a conflict of interest, because we are in a relationship. I know you mentioned that you are an independent thinker, and you want to make your own decisions. I agree with you, and I am happy that you think that way. I want you to be true to yourself always be genuine.

I think the most important thing is be open to changing your mind, and be teachable and available to learn about God. The truth is, some Christians might appear to be very strong in their beliefs and seem to be doing all the right things outwardly. But the Bible also says that such people might be proud and unteachable and that is sin in God’s opinion. The fact is, there is not such thing as a strong Christian or a weak Christian. Every Christian is weak. What makes a Christian one that God approves is about being teachable and available and willing to understand. This is why a new believer can be seen by God as a better Christian than a very experienced believer.

Since you believe the gospel and accepted Jesus Christ as your Saviour, you are already a Christian. Jesus Christ does not just want to be your Saviour, He also wants to be your Lord and King. He wants to be your Master, not because he needs to feel good about himself, but because this is the best thing for you. As the Creator who knows everything, God knows what is good for us. Some things might feel strange to follow, but as you know God more and more, I think that things will begin to make space. It will not always be easy, but it will be worth it. You should have your time and space to understand more about Christianity, to ask questions and find answers, to think through how God wants you to live, to grow to be convinced in your heart and mind. You will also have your struggles and challenges that you face. Every Christian has their own journey, and you need to have your own personal journey. I believe that you can do it, not because you are able, but because God is able. If God has chosen you, He will help you overcome sin and change and complete His work in you. He is God, He is absolutely powerful and will have His way.

You asked whether it will be a problem if your level of belief is different from mine, or if you are not as committed to Christianity as I am. My answer is, there is a possibility, there is a risk. But conversely, some differences in beliefs is also a common thing, No two people will be in complete agreement, every one is different. Even Christian couples also have differences in beliefs, or don’t feel the same passion about the same things. One might feel very strongly about one thing and not so strongly about another thing, while the other person could be the opposite. It can happen. It is for the couple to work things out and find solutions or compromises. I think the relationship only becomes a major problem if one or two of us decide to purposely go against God’s commands or instructions.

I don't know what the future will be like, how things will turn out. I only know that I want to make our relationship work. And I hope that in time to come, Jesus Christ can be at the center of our relationship as well, because that will be the best.

Love, Corgi

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