#its been nearly 2 months

[that-gay-guy-from-hell]

Oh hey look-! It's the Blue Man Group!

#Im too tired to come up with a funnier joke rn lmfao #So... Im alive! #Been busy and just... emotions #(like I was on the verge of tears today because i dropped a pen... lol) #But here's some art WIP for y’all #Heard some snippets of Rust’s album and I am so hyped #Like i am gonna go donate plasma so i have the extra cash to buy it asap when it's released #but anyways #I spent nearly 4 hours between 2 days just staring at human skeletons; spines are hard to draw #and YALL CANT EVEN SEE MOST OF IT- #Bonus points for those of you who know what 2 Necronomocons Doc’s book is a combo of #I missed drawing this handsome blue bastard (lovingly) #*pats him on the top of his head* #I love him so so much #/pos..? I guess lol #the living tombstone #tlt #tombsona #Doc #Doc tlt #tlt Doc #the living tombstone Doc #Doc the living tombstone #digital art #digitalart #WIP #art wip #fan art #(color wheel meme WIP btw-- yes i know i started this MONTHS ago *places a finger on your mouth* shhh its our secret) #also the quality drop is abhorrent wtf lmao

[baeshijima]

ive been staring at my stupid word portfolio document for so long im beginning to get a headache but im so close to finishing..... im nearly there..... ourgh............

#sophie's idle chatter #watch me submit this at 3 am in like.. 2 hours and have the best sleep ive gotten in months disregarding the presentation due monday #man... i can do this.... i got this..... i can do this..... someone save me................ #its nearly 2 am and ive been doing this since 10-11 am 🧍‍♀️ all that referencing killed me istGHLDS

[famewolf]

im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today

#[static] #man i need a new job but im gonna try my best to stick it out for the next year and a half so that im 'vested' - #- or whatever its called for my little tiny 401k money lmao #im starting to get anxiety about work on my days off more than usual #they just changed it from 5 years to 6 years fjgkdlghd #and im nearly at 5 years #also i think im gonna try and stick it out with the full time up until October and i'm going back to 4 days a week for my sanity #and also theyve been cracking down on ppl missing work and the winter time i have to call out a couple times a month for snow #they used to be understanding about it but it sounds like they arent anymore :) #in one breath they'll be like 'yeah it's no worries we work at a grocery store who cares! we're stacking cans this isn't life or death' #but the moment you gotta leave early due to snow so you can actually make it home in one piece they get butthurt lmao #mind you I have put my car in a ditch BECAUSE of work doing this to me and i ended up missing a week + covering repairs because of it #like ... would you rather i go home 2 hours early or miss 4-6 days of work and be in debt :) #and the answer is the 2nd one for them lmao i fucking hate them

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this? #so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to new characters I have the same attitude as a poorly socialized dog. I swear every time new content comes around and we get the news of new characters my instant reaction is to just. Dislike them. Hope they have little to no importance in the plot. Even when the design looks nice and the characters seem interesting. They're taking screen time away from my faves and my heart tells me to Bite

#this isnt even about the Thing. Its about Astrid #that cool and interesting looking old lady #(im assuming thats her name its what ive seen people use) #Im pretty sure there's something ot be said about my autism here #i dont want things to change. I dont want to risk the show taking a turn for the worse and becoming Insane #if it were up to me #s2 would have just been a reprise of s2 while focusing on different things #and s3 would be a reprise of s2 #which means ofc that the show wouldn't be nearly as compelling as it is. that' why i trust the writers #but at the same time I HAAAAAATE CHANGE #I think the longer hiatuses contribute to this. I am given time to adjust to what can be considered canon and then BOOM #rug pulled from under me with only like 2 months of antecedence. #and I have to be prepared to let go of my headcanons and my current views of this world and its characters #and to accept that these new faces they're throwing at us will be just as important as the ones I already know and love #like I WANT to be spoiler free but at the same time I gotta prepare myself for what's coming #bc otherwise I'm gonna get the air knoked out of me fr #cons of letting a show take over 60% of your brain #turns to the other 40%: at least I've got you. you'll never change or abandon me #*the Cells look at me uninpressed and tell me to get a job* #hilda the series #hilda s3

[rururaragaga]

one tiem i got bored n drew my friends avi lol

#gaia online #my fart #nearly everything ive uploaded so far i drew like AGES ago and then decide to finally post 23847283479 yrs l8r bc im so indecisive #also i will keep making changes to them periodically in the span of literal months to god known how long b4 i finally decide its done and i #can post it sdkcmdcmsdcd #but this is one of those things where i didnt like it and decided it wasnt good enuf 2 post but then now ages later im like maybe it is lem #e just change the eyes a bit LOL #alot of it is either unfinished or finished then i dont upload it. then when i do i end up making changes bc its been so long and i find so #many errors

[this-doesnt-endd]

I dont need these things but i wanna get those like finger pulse oxygen readers and the like blood pressure wrist cuffs. I dont need them i go to dr appts all the time and ive never had issues but like all of a sudden i feel like i really need them and i need to know these stats daily

#we technically have a blood pressure cuff my mom wanted one and then we kept it around before we knew i had sezuires cause we #were worried cause id just have episodes and nearly black out so my dad had me check it a lot #but its the arm one and i dont know how to use it #also ive been like worried a lot lately abt getting seziures which idk why cause theyve been very controlled for like year n half 2yrs now #so theres no reason i should be concerned but i am and i think taking my vitals everyday would make me feel much better #cause like nevermind the fact i havent had a deep breath in like 5 years and im constantly lifting like many many pounds of stuff #all at once all day long and like getting a workout essentially my slightly elevated heart rate means im just gonna like #drop to the floor n black out or like explode or something like theres no reason i need to be taking my pulse like 10 times a day #but it makes me feel better and i will give into that #much like spraying my house with lysol constantly or having to do my door lock routine like 3 times a night it makes me feel better #and i will totally give into that #like thats relatively normal i feel like #i wore a watch for like 2 months straight cause in my mind that was the only thing preventing nuclear war and like i dont wear watches #like that but alas i had to cause im built different (incorrectly) and it was my job to prevent nuclear war #wow im so normal about everything

[variksel]

i feel like im talking way too much about my broken leg rn (which Is Broken Bee Tee Dubs xoxo) and its prolly annoying but my friends i cant help it i can almost start walking again and every time i think about it i genuinely kinda feel like crying lmao

#by my calculations im like. 5 weeks post surgery #which would mean next weeks physical therapy might mean letting me walk at least a little bit again #im genuinly a bit weepy about it im so fucking exhausted man! its been since the end of january!! #i have a list of things i wanna do when i can walk again man lmao every time i grab my sticks im like a few more weeks just a bit longer #vent ig sorry! #anyway @ anyone whos ever had a broken bone did yall feel the same??? like legit so anxious to get back to using ur limb??? #i had a broken wrist awhile back too and idk i feel like it wasnt nearly this bad but a broken ankle feels like. thats just My Existance #for the past 2 months #anyway! #vent #positive vent #broken bone #broken ankle #tw broken bones #tw injury

[leeleelikestoart]

I'm almost done with the next page, but I can NOT get this last panel right 🫠

#lets not talk about the fact that its been nearly 2 months since the last page.... #i stil want to try and get back to posting more frequently but daggone life is so aksbakfbfnllssx #ill just do my best #thanks for the continued support yall! #not art #leeleechats

[captainimprobable]

hey babes anyone elses life falling apart rn or is it just me

#jaytp #its been nearly 2 months of absolute hell and its getting worse and idk how much longer i can take this!!!! tbh!!!!

[randomhuman45]

Any other fic authors get hit by the curse and just sit there like,

This Author's Note is gonna be

Epic!!!!!!

#ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #authors curse #fanfiction author #fanfic author #ao3 author #fic authors curse #fanfiction authors curse #been working on this fic for 4 and already had 2 family members die #its a secret santa gift so i can't share anything about it until the 31st #i can only imagine what the notes will look like by the end of the month :) #its karama for not writing a full fic work for nearly 10 yrs #the curse was building up until I wrote my first few pages #making me pay #authors note #authors notes #comedy #funny #not really #the 2 deaths isn't even everything #gotta save the whole story for the authors note #the fic is hella cute tho with lots of love and comedy since life isn't gonna give me any #i can only have happiness in fantasy land of fanfiction

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes. most times. if i cant articulate things properly i feel like my heads gonna explode. which is unfortunate bc i have the #language is hard brain problems. my neurology makes articulation difficult. but i try reguardless. which is sometimes. most times. #exhausting. that words gets thrown around a lot when i describe the patterns of my thoughts. exhausting. and it is i guess. tho id say its #more annoying and frustrating. but maybe its also exhausting. hard to tell when its how u think. but ive been reading a lot of papers this #weekend. enjoying the papers i read. papers about photosynthesis at the edge of habitability. about genetis and the structure and functions #of proteins. and the learning curve is steep but im learning bit by bit. and it just sorta makes me sad bc the way that my brain works has #so damaged the way that i interact with the world and i can see it at every step of my academic career. i dont even kno what to say abt the #past 2 years of my life. from where i stand now its just a black hole of self destruction. y did i do that? i dunno. at the time i was just #following the arbitrary rules and restrictions laid out for me within my head. did these rules have a rational basis? no. not usually. but #thats how it had to be. exhausting. but even then i coukd sometimes see thru to the wonder. and it was agony bc i wasnt allowed to think #abt it. its still agony now but i can feel it more often. maybe that's what happiness is to me. to be so full of wonder that i cant take it #i cant exist in that state or id b nonfunctional. its too big for my chest. it makes me want to scream and weep and pull at my hair. and #and its maddening bc i cant articulate it properly. except to call upon media short hands. there is wonder here. a nightmarish description #but not always. sometimes it was beautiful. theres a reason ive read annihilati0n 5 times despite hating the book. theres a reason i rewatch #the terror nearly once a month. to find beauty in a thing that causes you such terror and pain. theres something about it i can't find the #words for and its driving me nuts. exhausting. but so it goes #unrelated

[ofcowardiceandkings]

i will say though my pile of art ive got to finish up for posting is all stuff im VERY pleased with, which is a nice feeling

i just want it to be finished now lmfao

#also predictably most of it is zelda shit because im a simple man with a simple plan and that plan is [high pitched wailing] #theres all the fucken ... refresher sketches ... #some of which i wanna post separately with more detail to them #then theres dragon doodle #then theres DRAGON COMIC holy fuck ive actually been working on it consistently for months after work #its been nearly 2 years since i first started that and i WILL finish it even if it kills me #then theres the absolute mess ive made of a request for some more info on my version of present day Ordon #THEN theres the other few stupid zelink doodles i have and the dumb au one #T H E N theres a few storyboarded ideas i refuse to touch until ive finished dragon comic #jesus fuck #and thats not even including any stuff that ISNT zelda related #side eyes OC related art lol #nfskjfdj help me i need more hours in the day #rory's ramblings

[orcelito]

yes im going to shameless self promo i have more followers here than i have kudos on ITNL and i think that's a damn shame

ITNL is much more put together than i ever am on here lmao

#speculation nation #not to say i dont want ppl following me here. obviously i do #but i am going to do what i can to siphon my influence here to the project i ACTUALLY care about #like any self-respecting fanfic writer would #ykno i really should start doing official update posts #blehhhhhhh it's so hard tho. #im not used to getting more attention here than on ao3 :p #discacc has so many hits... 65k... and not a lick of self-promo... #but ITNL has a measly 5k hits... with plenty of self-promo... #yea yea discacc is the 2 and a half year old fanfic with nearly 500k words while ITNL has only been around for 3 months & 63k words #BUT SENTIDO HAS OVER TWICE THE KUDOS OF ITNL STILL... i want That to be fixed at the very least #come onnnn give my darling child the attention it deserves. pay no attention to its scrappy older sibling. #Sighhhhhh yes ok Sentido deserves some attention too i guess. still wish ITNL had more than it tho. minor injustices in the world... #ITNL has more comments than Sentido tho by a Long shot hehe #i do hope ITNL readers are looking forward to my comeback. im planning on it being this week. if i can. i hope. #I'm Gonna Try. i think i can. i will. im manifesting.

[finalhaunts]

-

#vent #its so hard to believe that I’m not just inherently unlovable when every relationship i’ve been in has crashed and burned #and twice in a row now its ended with thw other person getting with someone Better. #I think i’m just not cut out for relationships of any kind. whether it be a qpr or romantic #because every time i’ve always absolutely ruined it with my terrible anxiety and ocd #like i’m done trying at this point. if I ever get feelings like that again (which I doubt iwill) I’m just not going to pursue them. #because like whats the point of it if I know it’s just going to end the exact same way it always does #in 5 months at worst and nearly 2 years at best #i wouldnt normally talk about this here but idont really have anyone to talk to about this #i’m probably going to #immediately bury this under a million posts so certain people don’t see this #I don’t know #i think i’m just too much in general for someone to love like that #too anxious too affectionate just too much. and it’s not like i’m pretty or smart to make up for it #people usually only like me because I’m nice. #or because I’m entertaining like a little goddamn court jester #thats it. #and then they get with me and they realize Oh this fucking sucks actually. i’m gonna go now #im supposed to be on vacation i shouldnt be thinking about this i dont WANT to be thinking about this #but some stuff happened with some really fucking bad timing because god hates me and wants to make things worse for me when I’m already #struggling enough #i just wish I was normal and I wish I was good enough #and I wish I wasn’t me because I hate being stuck with myself #i give up.

[rainbowsplasharty]

Just realized I never switched my age over to 31 and idk how to even fix my lil intro thingy. Fuck.

#its nearly been 2 months already