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starshapedkookie · 2 years

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At the End of the Day

summary: You and Jungkook have been best friends for 8 years, going through absolute hell and back together. After senior year of high school, you and Jungkook began a tradition of taking annual vacations together during the summer months. This summer is no different, with you and Jungkook celebrating graduating college just a couple months prior. You're set to move to NYC after the summer, with you and Jungkook soaking in the sun and as many moments as you can together. You'd think nothing could ever tear your friendship apart with him, but when you've sat on the beach for too many days in a row watching him surf, you can't help but wonder - when did your best friend get so hot?

➢ pairing: jungkook x female reader

➢ genre: high school friends to lovers, ex-baseball player jungkook, beach/vacation au, fluff, smut, a little angst

➢ warnings: language, angst, use of edibles, drinking, graphic depictions of smut (fingering, fem. receiving oral, light choking, dom-ish(?) jungkook, protected sex, obscene use of term baby) also i know that in the little mood board i created, the girl is a teeny white girl & i don't want to alienate any of my poc readers at all - i just thought these pics fit the vibe so take them with a grain of salt 😊

➢ word count: 13.3 k

➢ mini playlist: at the end of the day by wallows, satellite, late night talking, carolina by harry styles, no angel by beyonce, ICE (we should do drugs) by labrinth, unusual you by britney spears

posting this in honor of BTS' 9th anniversary. i think i will be sad about their hiatus for the next few days, but i know amazing things are coming for them. bts has saved me more than anyone could imagine - and this story feels like a love letter to jungkook. i hope you all enjoy.

∞

You’re secretly watching him through your sunglasses, bottom lip tucked between your teeth in your observation. The sun’s rays are hot and you should probably reapply your sunscreen, but you can’t budge in your chair. From this distance, he probably thinks your eyes are still focused on the open book in your lap but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

You’re not exactly sure when Jeon Jungkook became so sexy. It was definitely a slow burn of growth and puberty overtime, still shocked that your best friend of 8 years looked like this now. Muscles covering his body; leaned out and defined just enough. His hair cut immaculately after a few rough stints of trying to grow it long the last two years of college. Multiple piercings in his ears and you can’t even get started on the eyebrow and lip piercing he’s gotten in the last six months. Tattoos—god his fucking tattoos—covering the entirety of his right arm; shoulder to hand. The only thing that remained the same about him was his goofy personality and lame attempts he called jokes.

When you had first met Jungkook, he was 15 and you were 14, only a few months younger than him. High school orientation is where you met to be exact. Perhaps out of privilege, both of you ended up at the same private high school—nationally ranked for its academics and sports. It’s not hard to guess what you were there for and what he was there. Jungkook was one of the shyest people you had ever met at the time. You’d later find out that he was scouted by the high school’s baseball coaches to join the program. He was skinny like a tree branch, had a black bowl cut, and a nose too big for his face. You don’t know exactly why the two of you ended up becoming best friends but either way, you were grateful that he was in your life.

It’s just now, your friend just happens to be insanely hot and more confident than ever. Like you’ve said, you’re not sure when this transformation happened or how you were able to ignore it for so long, but goddamn—

You quickly shift your gaze away from Jungkook as he begins to make his way back to your chairs from the water. Your focus goes back to the pages of your book—a contemporary beach romance—very fitting for your vacation to the beach this year. Jungkook makes his appearance as you’re adjusting your sunglasses, setting down his surfboard on the sand with a thump—a hobby he’s picked up in the last couple years.

You bring a hand up to further block the sun as you smile up at him, “How’s the water?” You ask.

A playful smirk slowly spreads across his face and you soon regret your words when he leans over you, shaking his head of hair like a dog.

“Jungkook! Quit it!” You yelp at him when the cold water its your skin, holding your book out to protect its precious pages. He laughs, clearly proud of himself—you having to make a conscious effort to ignore how his abdominals contract with each suck in of his breath.

“It’s alright, waves are pretty easy today,” he says running a hand through his wet hair to get his bangs out of his face.

“Just be careful out there, please,” you tell him like it’s a warning.

“Yeah yeah, I know,” he pauses as he takes a long drink of water. “How’s the book?” He asks as he sits down in the chair beside you, throwing on his pair of sunglasses.

You gulp, almost not even hearing his question.

“It’s cute,” you say, book marking your page and setting it down on the towel that’s between you two, “Kind of repetitive though.”

He nods once before looking away from you, outstretched beneath the sun, “All the books you read are the same,” he chuckles, shoving his feet into the sand.

You narrow your eyes at him even though he can’t see you behind your shades, “I’d beg to differ,” you tell him, “Just because I like romances with happy endings doesn’t mean they’re all the same,” you defend yourself.

He glances at you, a smile playing on his lips, “Sure.”

“Fuck you Jeon, when’s the last time you’ve even read a book?” You challenge, “The last textbook you ever had to read in college?”

He makes a hum in not-so deep thought, “Probably,” he shrugs and you roll your eyes with a laugh escaping your lips. Though Jungkook doesn’t voice it, he likes hearing you laugh. “This reminds me of the first trip we took,” he adds in.

You hum in agreement, a small smile forming across your face.

Both of you then lay in silence as you pick up your book again, soaking up the sun and sound of waves crashing a few hundred yards away from you. Silence is never awkward between you two. It hasn’t been for years at this point. You enjoy his company enough that there’s no need to talk to each other constantly. You know everything about him and he knows everything about you—minus the minuscule crush you’ve developed for him overtime. It’s innocent really; Jungkook was your best friend, funny, attractive, and you talk to him nearly everyday. It would be abnormal if you didn’t feel a twinge of something beyond friendship with him occasionally.

At least, if you tell yourself that enough; you’d hope it would be true.

As you peak at him again over your sunglasses, he’s closed his eyes in relaxation, and you begin to think about the journey that’s led you to this very moment.

After you and Jungkook made it through high school, both of you happened to receive scholarships to the same university in the city. You on a nearly full-ride academic scholarship and him on baseball scholarship. Though right before both of you shipped yourselves off to university, you two decided to take an unplanned long, beach weekend trip back to his home in Busan. It took quite a bit of convincing for your parents to ultimately let you go on a trip with just Jungkook alone. Though after Mr. and Mrs. Jeon explained that they had two extra bedrooms in their beach house and you two were ensured you had to check in with whatever you decided to do, your parents caved. You’re not even sure you and Jungkook would call it a vacation now, but at the time, it was so fun. So fun in fact that both of you decided after that trip, you two would continue to take summer trips together after the school year ended.

Throughout your semesters at university, both of you worked part-time jobs despite your busy schedules to save up for your trips. Jungkook usually worked more hours in the Fall, given his baseball schedule in the Spring was more demanding. Yet you two somehow always made it work. The year after freshman year, the two of you went to Seoraken National Park for five days, hiking and taking multiple dips in the hot springs. After sophomore year, you both decided to save a little more and fly to Tokyo, though staying in the absolute most-dirt cheap hotel you could possibly find.

It’s after this summer where Jungkook’s life completely fell apart—every time you look at the scar on his knee, a chill is still sent down your spine. You remember the day so vividly—an open scrimmage in the Fall with the rival university in the city. Of course, you went to support Jungkook with your roommate Lisa, excited to see Jungkook officially play as captain—an unheard of accomplishment for a junior on the team. You’ll never forget the scream he yelled out as soon as he slid into the home plate, the opposing catchers cleat getting twisted up under Jungkook’s knee. He rolled onto his side, clutching his leg in agonizing pain as the crowd watched in shock.

Jungkook had torn his ACL and MCL, as well as multiple smaller ligaments and muscles in the surrounding area of his right knee. In a fucking scrimmage, he would say through anger, frustration, and tears. The injury was career ending and that was the only time you’d ever seen Jungkook cry in your years of friendship. Jungkook had gone from someone who was expecting to be drafted in the first or second round, to someone who had lost their baseball scholarship and a fucked up knee for the rest of his life. Jungkook almost didn’t even finish school after that, though through the pressure of his parents and you, he walked across the graduation stage with you less than two months ago. You were proud him, star baseball player or not, though you know it’s something he still struggles with to this day even if he doesn’t voice it.

After Jungkook’s knee had healed through physical therapy and other treatments, he ended up working more hours and working with little league teams in the city for extra money. By the end of the Spring semester, both of you had saved up enough money to where it was feasible to pretty much go wherever you wanted. You settled on flying to Europe, doing a two week excursion that was exhausting—but worth every penny you spent. There had been some squabble on that trip between the two of you and a third party, but the last thing you wanted was to think about that.

Now you’re sat on Jeju Island with him, enjoying every moment you can get with your best friend before your life changes forever. Through countless hours of working, volunteering, and two internships, you had landed a dream job of being an editor in New York City. You weren’t due to move until the Fall, but the prospect of not seeing your friends and family made you extremely sad. It’s also why you’ve realized that whatever feelings you’ve harbored for Jungkook, must be kept secret deep within your body. It wasn’t reasonable to act upon them when you would be leaving—you wouldn’t ruin your friendship and leave Jungkook here in that way.

“Earth to Y/N?” Jungkook’s voice knocks you out of your long reverie. You hadn’t even read a full page of your book as it’s still on the page you folded in the corner earlier.

“W-what? Sorry,” you snap out of it, turning to him as you put your sunglasses on your head.

“I said do you wanna head up soon? Make some dinner? Watch a movie tonight or something?” He asks. Your heart strings pull at the domesticity and you’re nodding before you even speak.

“Yeah,” your expression is soft, “Though you’re in charge of the cooking tonight. I’ve done it the past two nights,” you warn him.

He smirks, digging around his beach bag for his t-shirt to pull on, “Fine. Only if I get to pick the movie we watch.”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” You pout. After he pulls his shirt on—which you’re thankful for—he reaches over to pinch your thigh in retaliation. You jerk in reaction, “Asshole.”

He laughs again, both of you beginning to pack up your things. Though you don’t voice it, you love hearing his laugh.

∞

Jungkook prepares a small array of yummy dishes—tteokbokki, a chicken stir fry, cucumber salad, and of course a side of kimchi. Neither one of you had been to the store since you two arrived to the island on Sunday, so there wasn’t much else to work with now on Friday. You make a mental note to create a new list and go again tomorrow, still having another week of your two week trip. The cottage AirBnB was small but had everything you two needed for the vacation. A kitchen, dining room, living room with a pullout couch (that wasn’t being utilized), a bedroom with a king bed which even had a small balcony that overlooked the beach. You definitely lucked out in terms of booking the AirBnB on the quieter side of the island, having most of the beach to yourselves the last few days.

“Excuse me?” You’re laughing as you look at Jungkook dumbfounded from his words.

His mouth turns up in the right corner as he smiles, “You heard me,” he remarks, “We should do drugs.”

He carries on his task of drying the pan he used for the stir fry, looking at you with a kink in his pierced eyebrow. You narrow your eyes at him, leaning against the counter as you watch him, fighting your own smile.

“And where are you going to find drugs on this island?” You say pointedly.

“Sweetheart, you know I have connections,” he retorts back, putting the pan back into his respectful cabinet. If there was another thing that Jungkook did to turn you on; his cleanliness. He was the most organized man you had ever met—unsure if he was actually part of the male species given the track record of your other guy friends. He was cleaner and more organized than you most of the time.

“You’re ridiculous Jeon,” your roll your eyes, “Can I trust said drugs?”

His smirk spreads even wider, knowing that he’s got you now.

“Of course, Yoongi wouldn’t sell me anything sketchy,” he says quickly leaving the kitchen. You have no idea who this Yoongi guy is, but you go along with it. You cross your arms as you lean against the counter, your eyes drifting off to the beautiful sunset over the water. You felt lucky to spend your time like this with Jungkook. He quickly comes back, a plastic bag in hand.

“What is it?” You ask him curiously.

“It’s a chocolate chip cookie edible,” he pauses, holding up the bag as he observes it, “Think of it as a two for one; dessert and a high.”

You let out a laugh through your nose, grabbing the bag from him as you inspect it from the outside. As with any edible, it looks just like a normal cookie. You purse your lips, thinking about it for a moment. You hadn’t got high in awhile—since right before graduation actually. You and your roommates shared a nasty bong, with Lisa ultimately keeping it after you all moved out. You and Jungkook had your fair share of getting high together, whether it be at parties at the baseball house or his apartment on Sundays with his roommate Taehyung.

You open the bag, sniffing it as Jungkook watches you, clearly amused. You break off a small piece of the cookie, plopping it into your mouth knowing it will take at least an hour for you to start to feel the effects of it. It tastes good, although there’s still that tinge of THC that never goes away fully with baked edibles.

You walk up to Jungkook, shoving the bag into his chest, “I’m going to shower,” you announce. He nods, biting his lip as you walk away from him, his throat feeling slightly clogged. He watches your frame as you disappear into the bathroom, calling after you quickly.

“Don’t use all the hot water!” He says from the kitchen, digging in the bag to take out his own piece of the cookie. Maybe this would help him clear his head from you.

∞

You’re giggling uncontrollably as you scroll through your phone, small cackles coming from you lips occasionally.

“Y/N stop! Give me that!” Jungkook reaches over, attempting to take your phone away from you, but his own laughter taking control.

You and Jungkook had decided to forgo the movie, opting to enjoy the balcony attached to the bedroom. It was well past 10 PM now, the sun fully set and a couple small candles and the lamps from the bedroom the only light sources. For whatever reason, both of you had been on a path of looking at old pictures of each other, you hysterically laughing at one of them from high school when both of you decided to go to the school dance together as friends. You were mainly laughing at the way he styled his hair, even then at 16 you thought it was ridiculous.

“I don’t even know why you still have that picture,” he mutters in defeat on his side of the couch.

You furrow your eyebrows at him as you push his leg with your foot. He’s sat up, right leg underneath him, head resting on his hand as he looks at you. You’re laying on your back, legs outstretched over his lap.

“Why wouldn’t I?” You push, “I think I have every known picture of you thanks to your brother.”

It’s the truth—you had more baby pictures of Jungkook on your phone than you did of yourself. He was just too damn cute and awkward. You and Jungkook’s older brother had a good relationship throughout the years, Junghyun, always making sure to send you gems of your best friend when he found them. They looked similar, though Jungkook pulled more features from his dad, including the big eyes and big nose, whereas Junghyun looked more like their mother.

“God I can’t stand him,” he groans running a hand through his freshly dried and showered hair. He’s wearing a pair of sweatshorts and a t-shirt, his tattoos disappearing in the darkness. You’re wearing a tank top and sweatpants, feeling much better since your shower, even better since your high has kicked in.

“This was a good idea,” you completely change the subject, not even really sure of your own words.

He smiles at you, “I’m full of good ideas Y/N.”

His smile make your heart thump, unable to keep your mind from going there. Your intrusive thoughts only took over when you were intoxicated. You stare at his lips a little too long before you look at your phone to change the song playing lowly from Jungkook’s bluetooth speaker.

The thing about being friends with someone of the opposite species for so long—it’s that your friends could barely hold themselves from being shitheads sometimes. It was sophomore year—right before Jungkook’s accident—when you were at one of the many baseball parties you attended throughout college. While you were drunk, you knew that succumbing to truth or dare was your own doing. You should have seen it coming from a mile away when a mutual friend and teammate of Jungkook’s—Park Jimin—dared you to kiss him. If you had been more sober, you probably would have just taken the bitch cup and moved on with your life. Though being drunk and a little too curious after your years of friendship with Jungkook, you turned to him and pressed your lips against his. He—along with the entire group seemed taken aback at your actions—hearing whoops and ooo’s during the kiss.

Neither you nor Jungkook spoke about that after the party. It was almost as if it had never happened. It didn’t bother you too much given you were drunk and being silly. It was a brief kiss, no tongue, but enough to satiate your curiosity. At least at that point in time. Now, your curiosity was getting the best of you in other feats—though you’ve sworn to yourself you wouldn’t ever cross that line.

“Do you ever think about life in like, ten years?” Jungkook suddenly asks, his gaze off to the distance over the balcony. From the cottage, you could faintly hear waves still crashing.

“Hm,” you mumble, “I guess? I don’t know…”

He looks over at you, “I do,” he says simply.

“What does the Jeon Jungkook think about then?” You press, deciding to sit up some on the couch. You grab a pillow to support your back as you settle against the armrest of the couch.

“I think about being married, having kids, that sorta thing,” his voice is low, yet serious. Through your hazy gaze, you bite your lip nervously.

“That’s very adult of you,” you try to lighten the mood with a giggle. He doesn’t laugh, only returning a fainted smile.

“Do you not?” He looks away from you sounding rushed and little nervous, picking at loose skin along his cuticles.

You suddenly feel a lump form in your throat, pulse uneasy, anxiety rises in your veins. Of course you did.

“I mean yeah,” you offer weakly, “I guess I’ve just always been more concerned with the present,” you tell him honestly.

He nods, fully understanding—it’s how he used to think too until his accident. He never truly had to put much thought into his future until that day on the field changed his entire life. His future was set and then suddenly it wasn’t. Now, he worries about his future everyday and where life is going to take him. He thought he was going to play professional ball until his thirties, making enough money that he’d never have to worry about a real job. Turns out, life had other things in store for Jungkook. And with you leaving thousands of miles away; his life really wasn’t panning out how he thought.

“I like the idea of marriage you know?” He says with a hidden adoration in his tone. You find yourself softly smiling at him. “Like just having that one person for you, sharing a life together, does that sound stupid?” he exhales heavily after his question.

You quickly shake your head, “Not at all,” you say pulling your legs to sit criss-cross, “We’ll all get there one day.. I feel like our paths are set for us.”

He shrugs, feeling a little pessimistic, “I don’t know,” he breathes heavily, “I thought everything was going to work out a certain way… but I don’t know anymore,” he sounds defeated and sad. You look at him concerned, though you’re sure he’s just spitting high word vomit. You know a lot about Jungkook, but you’ve never heard him speak of such things—except during his relationship with Park Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung was Jungkook’s first serious relationship in the time span you’d known him. They met at the end of sophomore year, but only officially began dating at the beginning of junior year. While Chaeyoung was beautiful and smart enough to make you feel insecure, you weren’t her biggest fan. She kept her distance from you and you don’t know if you could exactly blame her. You were Jungkook’s best friend who happened to be a female. You want to say if you were in her shoes that you wouldn’t care who was Jungkook’s best friend, but you’re not sure could 100% say that.

You first realized that Chaeyoung wasn’t particularly fond of you when you met Jungkook at the hospital after his accident; waiting to confirm his surgery date and time. Even though Jungkook didn’t want you to go, you were the one that actually ended up leaving to not make Chaeyoung uncomfortable. Throughout the rest of junior year, tension built between you and Chaeyoung, and some distance grew between you and Jungkook. You’re sure that she never knew about the kiss you two had shared the year before; she would have freaked the hell out.

Jungkook was in love with Chaeyoung though. He fell hard and he fell fast—giving all of his love and extra time to her. You can vividly remember him talking about how he thought she could be the one. He was a hopeless romantic at heart but it’s when Chaeyoung told him he couldn’t go on the Europe trip you two had been planning for months that he finally stood up to her. It didn’t go over well, with her jealously taking over to the point where he broke it off with her a couple weeks before you two departed.

You thought that the trip was going to be good for him to get his mind off her but when they were consistently communicating behind your back, that’s when arguments throughout the two week trip conspired between you and Jungkook. Finally, with four days left of your trip, he decided to stop contact with her and everything between you two only went up again from there.

Though right here, right now; you can’t help but think his words are about Chaeyoung. You knew that they were acquaintances this past school year and always cordial when they saw each other. You suddenly feel insecure in the dim light, but you plaster a fake smile on your face to rid your mind of Jungkook and his ex.

“Don’t sound so doom and gloom Jungkookie,” you push yourself up and over to him, trying to make him feel better. You sit on your knees up next to him, pinching his left cheek between your fingers. He giggles but you don’t stop, pinching from his cheek to his chin, to his ear.

“Y/N I swear to god—“ are his last threatening words that you should have taken seriously because it’s not long until you find yourself being tickled to death by him.

“Jungkook! Stop!” You laugh, trying to fight yourself away from him, but his grip is too strong as he keeps you in place against the couch. You’re kicking your legs to try to get away from him as he attacks your side with his own chuckles filling up the space. To any outsider listening in, it probably sounds like a fucked up murderer situation.

You don’t even realize what’s happened until you open your eyes fully, Jungkook pinning your wrists down, his body hovering on top of yours. He’s stood with one leg on the ground, his bad knee resting between your legs on the couch. It feels like the world has stopped as you stare into each other’s eyes, your breath hitching in your throat. Jungkook has to make a conscious effort to not stare at your cleavage rising up and down as you breath in and out heavily.

“I-I might go to bed soon,” you say nervously, breaking eye contact with him to unraveling yourself from his grip. He rises as you do to give you space, wiping his hands on his shorts.

He nods, “Me too,” is all he says.

You leave the balcony to go brush your teeth and change into your pajamas. Jungkook stays behind to blow out the candles and turn off his speaker, feeling a heaviness between you two now. As he turns the bed down, his own hands are clammy, his high waring off faster than he would like. Both of you had no issue sharing the king bed when you booked the AirBnB a couple months ago, but now he’s fully regretting that decision. When Jungkook comes back from the kitchen with two glasses of water for you both, he finds you already climbing into bed in your cute matching, purple PJ set.

“Thank you,” you smile at him as he hands you the glass. You take a sip, feeling cotton mouth arise from the edible.

He climbs into bed soon after, turning off the lamp on his side of the bed encasing both of you in pure darkness.

“Goodnight Y/N,” are his last words that evening.

“Night Jungkook,” you say weakly as you’re facing away from him on your side. While you two have already made invisible boundaries when sharing the bed this past week, you make more of a conscious effort than ever to keep space between you two as you both drift off into sleep.

∞

It’s been a few days since your edible escapades with Jungkook. Both of you have seemingly moved on from the conversations had, the tension that had built up subsiding over the next few days. Now you two are back again at the beach in your normal routine. Jungkook’s just go out in the water from surfing and you’re laying on your tummy, starting the second book of your vacation. You decided to go with something different for you—a thriller about a writer brought in by another author’s husband to finish her books for her as she lies in a coma. Weird.

You know Jungkook’s back from the water when you feel water droplets scatter across your back. You look up from your book to find Jungkook sat down on his towel beside you, rubbing his right knee.

“You okay?” You ask him with concern. His major surgery scar is still less than two years old, therefore it’s still quite white and reflective in the sunlight.

He glances over to you before nodding, “Yeah I’m good, it’s just kind of stiff from surfing on it so much.”

You can’t help but feel an extreme amount of sadness when you watch him massage his skin. Your resting your chin on your hand as you study him carefully. From the moment you met Jungkook, baseball was his complete identity. It’s why people came up to him even if he didn’t want the attention. It’s what taught him discipline and hard work ethic. It’s what made him happy. The fact it was taken away from him so quickly terrifies you. You can’t even imagine the internal battles he’s had ever since that fateful day.

“Swim with me?” He suddenly asks.

Through the top of your sunglasses you glare at him, a groan leaving your mouth, “Jungkook you know how much I hate swimming in the ocean.”

He rolls his eyes at the dramatics, “Y/N there aren’t sharks in this part of the ocean,” he laughs.

You close your book not wanting to lose your place, “You don’t know that!” You retort.

He laughs again, this time ruffling your hair slightly, “I’ll protect you…” he trails off, a small pout crossing his features, “Plus it’ll make this feel better,” he’s referring to his knee.

Ugh, he really knew how to convince you.

You then agree, both getting up at the same time. You adjust your bikini to which Jungkook stares shamelessly. Your skin goes hot and you pretend you don’t see him doing so. You walk side by side to the water, a yelp leaving your lips when you feel how cold it is.

“Fuck Jungkook! It’s cold!” You whine as he continues his descent deeper. You’ve stopped at where the water hits your ankles, he’s at his knees.

“C’mon princess,” he whines back and the nickname gives you butterflies, “I’ll drag your ass in here if you don’t move woman!”

“Ugh,” you spit, “I’m coming,” you slowly walk towards him as he continues to walk deeper until he’s about to his chest, finally letting himself float against the waves after he gets over where they break.

“Y/N,” he says threateningly as you’ve stopped where the water hits your waist.

“Jungkook,” you respond but suddenly your heart sinks when he dips his body below water, disappearing beneath the surface. Your eyes widen as you look around paranoid. You know exactly what he’s up to. Though you’re expecting it, you have no time to brace yourself when Jungkook has suddenly grabbed your leg, pulling you beneath the water. You’re screaming, bubbles escaping your mouth until you reach the surface.

Jungkook has broken the water only a few inches from you as he laughs loudly, tipping his head bad. You push water towards his face, anger filling your body.

“Fuck you Jungkook!” You yell, his continuous laughter pissing you off even more.

You launch at him in the water, hiking yourself up onto his back as punishment. You wrap your legs around his torso and he adjusts you comfortably. If he was going to protect you, he really was going to protect you.

“I really hate you sometimes,” you mutter into his ear, his back rumbling against your chest as he chuckles.

“You love me,” he retorts.

You really do.

“See this isn’t too bad,” he then says looking over his shoulder to meet your gaze.

“We’re sitting ducks Jungkook,” you mumble, eyes looking around the water, still slightly paranoid. There’s a few other people in the water and a couple surfers which makes you feel a little better.

“It’s okay to get out of your comfort zone you know,” he raises a brow when you climb off his back, deciding to swim close in front of him. Both of you float with only a few inches between you two, water at your chests.

“Mhm,” you say sarcastically, “That’s what they all say before they’ve gotten their leg bit off,” you move your arms around to keep you wading. Thankfully it didn’t take long to get used to the chilly water.

He bites his lip as he watches you with an amused expression. You push away the way it makes you feel.

“You know that’s why I wanted to be your friend right?”

You furrow your eyebrows, moving to float on your back. Jungkook being the gentlemen he is, he ends up beside you, his arms giving your back some support in the water as you float.

“What do you mean?” You ask him.

You can’t see his expression as you’ve closed your eyes, the sun too bright to keep them open. His fingertips graze your skin every few seconds and you swear it feels like electricity running through your spine.

“You’ve always been the one to get me out of my comfort zone,” he points out like it’s obvious—though you’ve never had an inkling of this.

You open one eye at him in a squint, his face a lot closer to yours than you expected, “I don’t think so,” you laugh a little awkwardly as you give up on floating, settling back to your normal swimming position with him in front of you.

“I wouldn’t lie Y/N,” he laughs in return, “You’ve known me for a long time, you know how fucking weird I used to be.”

“Hey you weren’t weird,” you defend him, “Just a little awkward and going through puberty.”

He rolls his eyes, “Fucking weird,” he repeats, “I just mean I’ve never had a friend that’s always pushed me to do things I normally wouldn’t do. Hell just the vacations we’ve taken together is just one example,” he pauses, his next words cutting him a little deep, “I feel like you’re the reason I ever had a life outside of baseball.”

You bite your lip under the water as you don’t break his heavy eye contact. You’d never realize Jungkook thought that highly of you. It makes you feel giddy on the inside, but also a little sad that you were never that confident in your abilities as a friend. If anything, you thought Jungkook brought you out of your shell more.

“I’m just a small part of your life Jungkook,” is what you settle on.

They way his face falls doesn’t go unnoticed, “Trust me,” he pauses beginning a swim back to shore for you to follow him, “You’re a pretty big part Y/N.”

∞

It’s now Friday, which means you and Jungkook only have one and a half days left of your trip. The thought makes you sad, though you know that it’s not like you wouldn’t be seeing Jungkook afterwards. He lives in the same neighborhood as you for chrissakes. But given the loom of your impending move in a couple months, you couldn’t help but feel a finality of your life here coming soon.

You and Jungkook had gone out a couple times since being here, though neither of you had fully committed to getting too drunk. You had a feeling though that tonight you were ready to full let loose. Jungkook complimented you as soon as you were ready to leave, sending heat through your body. You were wearing a white two piece set—a small bralette type top with a matching mini-skirt that wrapped around your waist nicely. Your strappy heels gave you some height to Jungkook and you’re sure to any other tourist, you two looked like a couple.

Jungkook looked absolutely ravishing, the familiar lump of the past couple weeks forming when you laid eyes on him. He was dressed in an extravagant short sleeve button that was a yellow and white along with white pants to tie everything in. You almost laughed one, being you’re 99% sure the shirt is Fendi—how the hell did he afford that?—and two, you’re not sure you’d seen him in anything in sweatpants and t-shirts since graduation. Even then, it took you and Taehyung a lot of convincing for Jungkook to wear dress pants under his cap and gown.

You and Jungkook had ate dinner at a local sushi bar, getting a couple drinks there to pregame your evening. You don’t know how Jungkook ate and drank so much and keep the figure he had. It had to be genetics; there’s no other way.

It was now a little past 9 and both of you were feeling drunk—a good drunk—a happy drunk. The bar you two were at was partially outside, with a dance floor and good drinks. You and Jungkook are talking to a couple who also happen to be on vacation.

“Honeymooning is fun for sure,” the woman says, her words a little slurred, “Are you two honeymooning too?”

Both you and Jungkook begin to stutter, shaking your heads awkwardly, mumbling your words together.

“We’re not together,” you manage to get out as you lean against the bar for stability. Jungkook’s stood behind you, his chest touching your shoulder as his arm sits behind your frame protectively.

The new husband’s eyes widen, “Could’ve fooled me,” he says, “Right honey?”

“I agree Joon,” she eyes you up and down, clearly shameless as she does so. “Let’s go dance baby!” She suddenly exclaims. The couple—Namjoon and Camille—bid their farewells to you and Jungkook, leaving you two alone again at the bar.

You suddenly feel a little awkward under the strangers gaze, looking up and over at Jungkook. He’s giving them a straight smile before his eyes watch them walk away, an amused expression filling his eyes as he begins to laugh.

“You want another drink, honey?” He suddenly asks through a joke and you crack a smile, turning around to playfully push him. You catch a whiff of his scent as you stare at him intently, trying to ignore the deep stir of heat in your tummy. His gaze his vibrant as you take his sunglasses tucked from his shirt and place them over your eyes.

“If you’re paying Jeon,” you smile at him wickedly.

Jungkook orders both of you tequila shots, both of your faces scrunching up when you bite the lime for some relief. You have chills running down your spine, trying your best to keep the contents down.

“We’re going to be hurting tomorrow,” you say, sliding the shot glass back towards the bartender.

“I don’t even want to think about it,” he groans, suddenly reaching out to grab his phone. It’s buzzing in his hand, “It’s Junghyun,” he looks at you, “I’ll be right back?”

You nod, telling him you’d be right here. You watch as he walks away from you, a deep exhale escaping you. You’re intoxicated again—intrusive thoughts taking over your brain. You reminiscence over the last two weeks with Jungkook here. He makes you so incredibly happy and you’re sure that if you let yourself, you’d fall deeply in love with him—more than you already are. You’ve been through thick and thin together. You can’t let yourself go there though—it couldn’t happen. The friendship you two had between each other was too important to you. You’re not even sure Jungkook could even feel these feelings towards you. For all you know, he was just talking about his shitty ex the other day.

Your thoughts are interrupted when suddenly a man appears in front of you. A man that’s not Jungkook. He’s leaning his elbows on the bar as he waits for the bartender to take his order. He gives you a glance and you stare shamelessly. He’s quite attractive, that’s for damn sure.

“You want a drink sweetheart?” He suddenly asks, the pet name not sounding as good as it does coming from your best friend.

You find your voice over the music, “I’m good, thank you,” you smile at him knowing if you drink anymore, you’d be crossing the line of fun drunk to a miserable blackout.

He nods respecting what you’ve said, ordering two shots of whiskey for himself. You look around the bar trying to find Jungkook. It’s loud and crowded, but you haven’t been able to spot him in that ridiculous yellow shirt. You wonder what Junghyun needed that’s taking so long.

“What’s your name?” The strangers asks you as he turns his body to face yours completely.

You lean towards him some to save your voice, “Y/N,” you tell him.

A charming smile spreads across his face, “Well miss Y/N, why is a beautiful girl at this bar alone?”

You’ve dealt with many men of this caliber, so his words don’t creep you out much. Internally you applaud him for using the term beautiful, and not the typical hot or pretty.

“I’m not alone,” you tell him. He looks around the area you both are, your point not withstanding, “What’s your name?” You change the subject.

He downs his second shot of whiskey, “Jackson. It’s nice to meet you,” he offers his hand graciously and you shake it in return.

“Well Jackson,” you pause, feeling that tequila shot getting to you, “Why are you here at this bar alone?”

He laughs, raising an eyebrow at you, “I’m not alone either,” he retorts.

You nod slowly, a small smile spreading across your lips. Again, your eyes do another dance around the bar to spot Jungkook to no avail.

“Do you want to dance with me Miss Y/N?” He suddenly asks taking you completely off guard. You open your mouth then close it, only to open it again to say nothing. You should say no. You know in your heart you should say no. However with no sign of Jungkook and this Jackson guy seeming like a normal guy, you felt no guilt when you take his hand for him to take you to the dance floor.

The bar has great club and house music playing, making dancing an easy feat. Jackson is a great dancer, finding the rhythm to the songs easily as the DJ switches them rapidly. You find yourself comfortable with him, resting your hands lazily on his shoulders as he guides you through the motions. Maybe you’re too drunk, or you’re just relaxed, but you feel good in this moment. It reminds you of being a college freshman with Lisa, when you two would go to sweaty frat and baseball parties, dancing the night away with water bottles filled with cheap vodka.

The tide between you and Jackson folds when you turn around, unknowingly pressing your back to his chest. You both are swaying in the changing lights, his arms resting on your waist protectively, his head resting on your left shoulder. You’ve always been a decent dancer too, Jackson finding it impressive as you keep up with each other. When you find a hand gripping at Jackson’s hair pulling him closer to you, it’s when reality hits, time freezing in that very moment. You’ve opened your eyes after sometime, across the bar Jungkook walks in, his eyes finding yours instantaneously. His lips part, a painful expression crossing his features. He watches you only for a moment, his heels turning himself around to leave you be, heart feeling like someone’s crucifying it.

You suddenly panic, creating immediate space between you and Jackson. You turn around and lean up to his ear.

“I’m sorry, I really have to go—“ you tell him in a rush. He’s clearly confused but before you can listen to whatever he has to say, your feet pick you up to the path Jungkook must have taken to get out of here. It’s difficult to get through the crowd of people, especially in your heels and drunkenly, but you manage.

When you go to the outsider area of the bar, you don’t spot him. Shit, you think, where did he go? You start to panic, reaching for your phone out of your purse. You quickly scroll to his name, hitting the call button. You groan with an eye-roll—of course he isn’t going to fucking answer you.

You’re not completely sure he’s not in the bar anymore, but you chance it, leaving the bar alone. Thankfully the streets are well lit and there are plenty of people around to make you feel safe. You’re typing him a mean text as you walk back towards your cottage, ready to curse him out when you see him. That is, until you actually see him—then your mind goes blank.

Jungkook’s sat on the curb of a small, local convenient store eating what seems to be an ice cream sandwich. You’ve got to be fucking kidding.

“Jungkook!” You nearly exclaim, “What the hell are you doing?” You approach him, stumbling slightly in your heels.

He quickly notices how unstable you are, standing up to steady you, “You okay Y/N?”

You push him off you, “No the fuck I’m not okay,” you spit at him, “You just left me there?” You’re drunk and frustrated, that’s all you know.

“Here,” he offers the rest of his ice cream sandwich. You can’t resist him and you take it, eating it in two bites. He watches you carefully before saying, “Sorry, I just thought you were preoccupied.”

You throw away the paper wrapper, looking at him like he’s crazy.

“Are you for real Jungkook?” You press, not caring if you’re bringing attention to the two of you as people pass by. He shoves his hands into his pockets, exhaling heavily.

“You want to go home?” He asks with straight lips. You cross your arms over your chest angrily, what the hell was his problem?

“Do you want to go home?” You ask him in retaliation.

He only looks a you a brief moment before nodded slowly. This conversation is seriously sobering you up faster than anything has ever before and nothing productive has even be said.

He turns around, “C’mon,” he says.

“What do you mean?” You ask him confused as he’s widened his stance, as if he’s ready for you to plow over him.

“Hop on Y/N,” he says, “And don’t even try to fight me on this. I know your feet are killing you.”

He wants to piggy back you home. You stay put, hands playing with each other awkwardly staring at his back. He glances over his shoulder and says your name again.

“B-but your k-knee Jungkook,” you say hesitantly. You knew Jungkook weight lifted and did enough cardio for him to live until he was 105, but the last thing you wanted was for him to injure himself again, especially because of you.

“It’s fine Y/N, I promise,” he says, “I just want to get you home.”

As you brace yourself on his shoulders, you try to jump as light as possible to lessen the blow to his body. He catches you gracefully, adjusting your knees in his hands. And home is where you two go.

∞

After you two walk into the threshold of the cottage—you insisting on walking the last little bit of the way—a parable tension that could be cut with a knife has settled between you two. You tried your best to talk to him on the way back, but his answers were short and uninterested. You only had remnants of your drunkenness left inside you and if anything, you were tightening back up, even angrier than when you left the bar.

Jungkook’s about to walk into your shared bedroom before you call after him.

“Wait Jungkook!” You say. He stops in his tracks, turning to look at you. His face is unreadable in the dim lights of the cottage. “What the fuck happened back there?” You ask him as you take off your heels, leaving them by the couch.

“It’s nothing Y/N,” he brushes you off, turning around to continue his path to the bedroom. Of course you follow him; he expected it.

“Jungkook, come onnn,” you press, “Are you that pissed that I was dancing with someone else?” You can’t hide your anger and frustration if you tried. This wasn’t fair to you. He had paraded girls throughout college— parading Chaeyoung for a year and a half in front of you—and you never said anything about it no matter how much it bothered you.

“Y/N it’s fine, can we just,” he pauses as he looks over at you, “Just drop it?” He’s taking off his rings and bracelets, your lip tucked between your teeth.

You make an unsatisfied noise, stepping closer to him, “No we fucking can’t. What’s your problem Jungkook?”

He leans on the dresser with both hands, his muscle definition showing through his shirt as he tenses up. His jaw clenches as he closes his eyes in deep reverie. You watch him carefully, knowing you probably should tread lightly given he’s pissed. But you know what? You’re pissed too. He can’t act like that with no explanation—that’s not fair to you.

“Junghyun called me about you, you know,” are his first words as he looks over to you.

“M-me?” You stutter, confusion lacing your tone.

He pushes himself off the dresser, though he keeps distance between you two. He suddenly runs a frustrated grip through his hair, messing it up slightly.

“You know, since you’re moving halfway across the fucking globe,” he sounds bitter, though deep dejection is mainly what you hear. You moving had been a sensitive topic with him ever since the interview stage happened with you months ago. It hurt you to speak about it with Jungkook the most. The thought of leaving him crushed both of you which is why neither of you had brought it up these past two weeks.

“He was asking me if I had done it yet,” he laughs sarcastically, “Of fucking course he was.”

You’re more confused than ever and you say his name in a whisper, but he continues.

“You know the other day when you said that you were only a small part of my life, that’s when it really hit me,” he pauses, “You really don’t know how much you fucking mean to me Y/N. You’ve been my best friend for so long, been there with me through so much of my bullshit—my accident, losing my scholarship, losing my fucking life—“ he inhales deeply and you suddenly feel dizzy, unsure of where this conversation has turned.

“—And now I’m fucking losing you and I can’t even be honest with you because it doesn’t matter,” his voice breaks off as he looks at his feet. You start to panic, a roller coaster of emotions pulsing through you.

You step towards him hesitantly, “Jungkook you can always be honest with me,” you grab his forearm, “I’m your best friend for fucksakes—stop with the hysterics and just tell me what’s wrong,” you plead with him. If your words weren’t enough, your eyes were giving a show.

His bottom lip trembles as he meets your gaze. You have adrenaline running through you as he moves to rest his hands on your waist, gripping the skin tight.

“I love you Y/N,” he says letting out a deep breath before he can second guess himself.

“I know,” you tell him, “Jungkook you know I love you too.. you’re scaring me—“

“No Y/N,” he shakes his head, “I’m in love with you—like fucking crazy about you Y/N.”

His words take your breath away, stumbling slightly as you can’t believe the words he’s saying. He’s what? Jungkook’s in love with you? You part your lips, unable to form sentences, shaking your head stunned

“You don’t have to say anything,” he looks down, his forehead brushing yours, “But I couldn’t let you move without telling you—I don’t know how long it’s been but it just happened one day and I haven’t stopped since.”

“Jungkook,” you finally whisper after some silence, your palms finding solace on his broad chest, “I-I don’t know what to say,” you pause looking up through your lashes. You feel like you could cry from the up and down of your emotions.

You both stare at each other, unsure of who is going to make the next move. You decide that it will be you.

“B-but when we talked the other night about the future and stuff… I thought you were talking about Chaeyoung,” you admit, feeling a little dumb now that this secret has been spilled.

Jungkook lets out a laugh, unsure he heard you correctly, “Y/N—what, no, I haven’t spoken to Chaeyoung in months at this point,” he pauses, his strong hands gripping your forearms gently, “I was talking about you.. it’s always been you.”

There’s a silence that falls; a war raging in your head as you go through as many memories as you can with Jungkook. He’s been there for you at any moment you’ve needed him and vice versa. You couldn’t imagine a life without him and right now—you’ve finally decided in allowing yourself to be honest.

“Y/N I know this is unfair since you’re leaving but—“

“I love you too Jungkook,” you interrupt him to which he responds with a mellow what, “I know that I’m in love with you Jungkook—I have for some time now, I just didn’t want to admit it.. I-I was scared and I didn’t know how to bring it up, fuck I’m sorry—“

You’re suddenly cut off with Jungkook’s lips covering yours. You instantly melt into his lips as your eyes close, your hands finding their way around his neck to pull him down to you. After a few moments, he pulls away from you, rubbing his nose against yours.

“Is this real?” He asks, a small smile playing on his lips; all anxiousness leaving your body at once. You return a small smile, nodding in his delicate hold.

“Real,” you whisper back, chasing after his lips once again.

This time when your lips meet his, it’s more aggressive from each side, pouring out all frustration and built up pining over the years into it. His tongue opens your mouth wider and you sigh into him, tangling your fingers into his soft hair. His hands slither down from your waist to over your ass, pressing your hips into his.

You’d never thought kissing someone could feel this good. Your entire body feels aflame as you both discover each others mouths piece by piece. Jungkook’s walked you backwards against the wall, holding you up against it firmly as you both continue to kiss each other feverishly. You rest your head against the wall as his lips move from yours to your neck, your breathing intensifying as he kisses and nips gently.

“Jungkook,” you breathe heavily, as he places a kiss on your exposed shoulder, moving the flimsily strap to your top down. You get bolder with your own actions, maneuvering your hands underneath his shirt feeling his muscles tense under your touch.

His lips find yours again, “I wanted this for so long Y/N,” he mumbles against your skin as you pull him taut to you. “Remember sophomore year? When you kissed me for that dare?”

“Mhm,” you murmur in response as his hand experimentally trails its way up to cup your left breast, “How could I forget?” You tell him through a slight whine when he squeezes you through the thin material of your top.

He smirks against your lips, tugging on your bottom lip ever so slightly, “I was so happy when you didn’t drink that bitch cup,” he admits. You can’t help but giggle at his words, one of your hands resting on the back of his neck to hold him close to you, “And this is much better than that.”

You nip at his mouth again, “I agree,” you pause, your other hand playing with the buttons on his shirt, “Can I take this off?” You ask through your lashes; your voice soft and patient.

Jungkook emits deep groan from his throat, “Is this okay with you?” He suddenly asks.

You immediately nod, “Yes, yes, of course,” you begin your slow assault at his shirt buttons, undoing them one at a time.

He kisses your forehead, “Okay… I just,” he pauses, “I’m just a little nervous,” he admits as he grapples at your waist again, pulling you flush against him. He’s got a growing bulge in his pants, making your squeeze your thighs together.

“Why are you nervous?” You gaze at him with stars in your eyes, finding everything about him endearing and so lovable.

He rests his forehead against yours, “I don’t know I’ve just thought about this for forever,” he pauses, “I want you to feel safe.”

You smile sweetly at him, “I always feel safe with you Jungkook,” you tell him reassuringly. You lean forward, placing a kiss on his exposed chest when you finally undo the last button. You waste no time pushing the fabric off his golden skin, tattoos and all on fully display.

“When did you get so hot?” You pout in between his kisses along your neck and collarbone. He chuckles into your skin, his hands now exploring both of your breasts through the fabric.

“I’ve been wondering the same with you,” he kisses right between your cleavage, his fingers finding the zipper at the back of your top.

“Please—“ your breath hitches when the cold air makes your nipples taut as he drags your shirt away, “Have you seen yourself?” You’ve barely finish your sentence until Jungkook’s lips are wrapping around your right nipple, sucking and teething at the sensitive.

“Have you seen yourself Y/N?” He mumbles into your skin, paying attention to your left nipple now. “My pretty girl,” he breathes out pulling away from you, sending a fire through your veins. He grabs your hands and pulls you towards the bed not too far from the wall.

You straddle him as you reconnect your lips together, rutting against him as your hips grind down. A shiver of pleasure runs through you, a subtle moan vanishing in his mouth.

“Fuck,” he says, “Do that again, I like hearing you.”

You chuckle, kissing near his ear, “Make me,” you challenge. Jungkook bites his lip, the grip on your hips tightening.

Being as competitive as he is—it’s a challenge he’s willing to accept.

Jungkook is suddenly flipping you two over, settling between your thighs, tits shaking as you readjust yourself. You spread your legs a little so he can sit comfortably on his knees between you, his bulge more prominent than ever, straining in his white pants. Your mouth literally waters as his hands push up your skirt, exposing your skimpy little lace thong that’s barely covering your cunt at this point.

“Goddamn,” he gulps at the sight, his eyes flicking to yours quickly as your chest rises up and down in anticipation. You’re already so turned on—so wet just for him. If it was any other guy, you’d probably feel embarrassed but you were telling them truth when you said you felt safe with him.

His tattooed hand slides down to your inner thigh, a couple of his fingers running over your clothed heat. Your hips cant outwards as he does this a couple times before he decides to ultimately pull your panties off, leaving them strung across the room somewhere.

You hold his gaze as he spits onto his fingertips, now finding your bare pussy exposed for him in all its glory. He doesn’t waste time in dipping a finger inside you to test the waters. When your mouth falls open, he takes it as a good sign when you start to beg him for more.

“Jungkook please,” you push out your hips, trying to get the most of one finger though it’s no use. “I need more,” you whine.

He leans down, placing a kiss to your lips, “I know baby, I know,” you gasp when he adds in another finger, a steady strong of moans escaping you when he begins a gentle rhythm in and out of you. It’s torture the way it feels so so good, yet it’s still leaving you wanting more.

He gets a hold of your right leg, holding it up slightly so he can penetrate deeper inside with his fingers, his thumb rubbing up against the hood of your clit.

“Hold yourself open for me baby,” he says to which you obey, holding onto the side of your leg just as he was, “Good girl,” he praises you, which creates even more slick arousal.

From here, he takes one of his hands to pull your clitoral hood open, using his other to circle your bud and enter your pussy in alternating motions.

“Ah, shit—“ your hips jerk against him when you begin to feel yourself start to climb that hill to an orgasm. Your continuously moaning was sending him mad and your glistening cunt was a full invitation for him.

He shifts his weight, his lips meeting your center to which your back arches off the mattress, a strained whine from you as he flicks his tongue over your clit. It’s obscene the way he gives you head—it’s hot and messy, little to no friction as he goes from focus on your hole with both his fingers and mouth, to sucking heavily on your clit. You could feel yourself dripping on the sheets underneath you, the wetness making Jungkook involuntarily push his cock into the mattress.

“Jungkook—I’m gonna come,” you manage through your tight breaths.

“Yeah baby?” He muses against you, the vibration of his voice sending a shockwave through your already swollen clit. You nod desperately into the bed, holding his head down with your left hand as your hips chase to meet his movements.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” chants fall from your lips when you feel yourself tip over the edge, falling heavily into an orgasm that overtakes your entire body. You don’t even care if you’re loud as you moan and rile beneath him, your pussy clenching around his fingers before he pulls them out to watch your cunt clench around nothing.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” he marvels as you come down from your high, your body clearly relaxed now as you find time to catch your breath. You lean up on your elbows as he meets you halfway to kiss you again. He tastes like you as he tongues the inside of your mouth carefully.

You scoot your body down some, hands finding the front of his pants. You can tell he’s big just by running your hand over his cock through the clothes. He inhales a sharp intake of breath when you squeeze him a little. You break your kiss to focus on getting him out of the fabric, unzipping and unbuttoning his pants quickly. You take notice of his white Calvin Kleins as he helps you push them down past his ankles.

In a rush, you tug down the front of his boxers—breath hitching in the back of your throat. He was big—the biggest you’ve ever seen—thick and long between his muscular set of thighs.

You whine when you take him in, never experiencing a want for someone so badly in your entire life.

“Can I please suck it?” You whisper, your words sounding like sweet saccharine to his ears. As tempting as that sounds for him, he wasn’t sure how long he would last with you, and he needed to be inside of your pussy when he came.

“Not right now baby,” he says firm in his tone, “I want to be inside you so bad,” he sounds just as desperate as you feel.

You nod quickly as you begin to take your skirt off since it’s still the last piece of clothing on you. Jungkook’s hands stop you quickly.

“No, no,” he chuckles, “Gonna fuck you in this pretty skirt,” he places a zealous kiss on your lips one more time before he suddenly gets up hurrying over to one of his duffle bags. He returns quickly and you watch carefully as you notice him tearing open a condom packet, his abs visible each time he breathes.

“You brought condoms?” You ask him curiously.

He smirks as he begins to roll it down over his fully hardened cock, “I’ve been bringing them with us everywhere since we went to Europe,” he explains as he instructs you to scoot back some. The thought makes you feel bubbly on the inside, laughing at him some.

“So you’ve just assumed that we’re gonna fuck one day then?” You ask him as he settles between you, rubbing his tip against your folds.

He closes his eyes briefly, before smirking again, “Never assumed, just hoped,” he lines himself up with your entrance, having to fight not to just slam right into you, “I’ll start slow okay?”

You nod as you grip behind his neck and shoulder with each hand. Once Jungkook begins to push into you, you literally forget how to breathe. Jungkook groans as he bites his lip in full concentration, pushing a little farther.

“It’s okay, breathe baby,” he encourages, “I know you can take it. My baby can take it, right?”

He knows very well you can—he just wants to hear you say it in your voice that’s laced in honey and arousal for him.

You nod faster that you ever had, “God, yes Jungkook I can, yes I can,” you finally find your oxygen as he pushes in slowly to the hilt. Your jaw was slack as his forehead rests against your own, a burning between your legs but pleasurable enough that you begin to involuntarily clench around him.

“Shit baby, don’t do that,” he warns, “This tight little pussy is all mine, right?”

“Of course Jungkook—“ he pulls back, then pushing back in, your hips canting upward to help him fulfill every inch inside you. “Oh my god—“ you whimper as he slowly begins to find his pace.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Yes, fuck yes, Jungkook just please don’t stop,” you beg, “Go faster, please.”

One of his hands grip your right hip, the other fisting the sheets by your head as he does as he’s told, picking his pace up slowly but surely as the seconds pass. Its blissful heaven having him fill you up so good. You’d never thought you’d be in this position with Jungkook, but as time passes you wish that you two had got around to it a lot sooner.

With each snap of his hips, your body moves upwards given force. A mantra of noises come from you as you watch his brows furrow from above you, strained groans and breathes escaping his lips. You could feel the simmering of another orgasm approaching you as his perfect stroke hits your g-spot. You grab at his face to steady him; his pace thrown off a bit when you lean up to kiss his lips gently.

“Let me get on top,” you whisper to him. He tugs on your lip, unsure if he wants to give up control but with you, he’d relinquish any day. He pulls out, leaving you hallow with you quickly pushing him off of you and down to the mattress. His back is rested against the pillows and headboard to which you grab with one hand, using your another hand to line yourself back up with him.

After you sink down, your arousal making it easy this time—you begin to find a pace against him that’s calculated to hit your insides in all the right areas. Jungkook grips your hips, pushing your skirt up slightly as he marvels up at you, drunk in a haze of you and you only. With uneven breaths, you can tell you’re on the verge of coming again, so he licks his thumb before he places it on your clit. Each touch of your hips presses firmly against his finger, explicative falling from your lips in a rush.

“God—Jungkook, I-I can’t,” you choke out, squeezing around him tightly as he begins to push his own hips up to meet yours.

One of his hands makes it way to your throat, pulling your forehead down to his as he takes the oxygen away from you. It’s too much—it’s all too much.

“Yes baby, you can,” he encourages, “My pretty girl, come with me,” he adds after he begins to hold you in place some, shoving his hips up in a brutal pace to chase his own climax.

It doesn’t take long for your second orgasm to hit, hit tipping backwards as you let out a half-scream of his name, jumbled together with high pitched moans. It goes on longer than your last one, convulsing around his cock as you lean forward in a daze.

Jungkook’s close—his lip tucked into his teeth, brows deeply furrowed as he continues his pace up inside you. With a bated breath, he announces he’s going to come and you encourage him just as he did you. He spills into the condom with a whiney groan in submission to you, his movements coming to end an end shortly after he rides his climax out.

He’s got his arms wrapped around your torso and you cradle him to your chest as you both try to catch your breaths. He lifts your hips slightly to let himself fall out of you, though he keeps you close to him after, looking up at you through a lazy smile.

You return one to him, meeting your lips to his. The kiss is gentle and love worthy as your heart swells so much it feels like it could burst for the man beneath you.

You pull away from him, “Can I take this skirt off now?”

He chuckles before nodding, placing a kiss on your shoulder before you move off of him to discard the final article of clothing on your frame. You climb back into bed after you throw on a slinky tank top and use the bathroom—a UTI was not going to plague you. Jungkook pulls on a pair of briefs, opening his arms up to you once he climbs back in. You cuddle up right next to him, an arm slung around his bare chest, leg over his as he pulls you closer with one arm. The two you mindlessly talk about nothing before you feel yourself drifting off to sleep. The last thing you recall is Jungkook placing a kiss on your head, telling you that he loves you again, leaving little to no space between each other this time on the bed.

∞

The bright sun is what wakes you up the next morning, a strained mumble coming from you as you stretch out on the bed. You’re halfway on your back, halfway on your side when you open your eyes. You rub them with your knuckles to clear them of any matter. When the room fully focuses, you freeze in your position, stomach dropping a little bit. Your head hurts from the alcohol but it wasn’t enough alcohol to make you forget what happened.

You and Jungkook had had sex and professed pining love to each other.

You quickly turn over to find yourself alone in the bed, your anxiety and cortisol levels skyrocketing. You also take notice that Jungkook’s not out on the balcony that connects to the room. You sit up a little too quickly for your headache, taking a moment to steady yourself.

You grab your phone off the nightstand, checking the time and any messages you have. There’s only a few that you decide you’ll answer later. Nothing from Jungkook.

You push the sheets and duvet off your frame, hurrying over to your suitcase to pull on a pair of shorts. You quickly make your way out of the bedroom, finding the living and kitchen space empty. Maybe he was in the bathroom?

“Jungkook?” You call out. No answer.

You suddenly feel like you’re going to get sick. Insecurity and all other horrifying thoughts cross your brain. Did he leave you here? Did he get scared and go home? Did he really fuck you only to leave you?

You feel like you could cry as you lean onto the couch for support. You hold back your tears, breathing heavily in and out to keep yourself calm.

Where the fuck—

The door to the cottage is suddenly unlocked, pushing open to reveal your best friend in all his glory. He’s dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, carrying a brown bag in one hand, balancing two coffees on his arm.

“Oh, good morning!” He flashes his million dollar smile at you as he sets down all of his belongings on the kitchen island.

You stand there with a pout, not saying anything to him. He looks at you slightly confused, walking over to see what’s wrong.

“Are you okay?” He asks with concern, grabbing gently behind your elbows.

You push at his chest with flat palms, “I thought you left me,” you whine. A smile cracks open as he laughs some.

“Why would I have left you?” He questions you, “I just went and got us some breakfast while you were still sleeping,” he explains.

“Well I can see that now,” you push back, “I just thought.. maybe you got scared and left,” you trail off, looking away from him now that you feel a little dumb for jumping to such horrible conclusions.

Jungkook pulls you in for a hug to which you return it like a kid grabbing onto their teddy bear tightly.

“I would never do that Y/N,” he says placing a kiss to your head, squeezing you playfully as he sways you dramatically, “I’m kind of offended that you think I would,” he then says with a pinch to your ass cheek.

“Ow!” You push yourself off of him with a laugh, “Sorry, it’s just,” you chew on your lip when you meet his gaze, “I don’t really know how to go about this whole friends to lovers thing.”

He pulls you to the kitchen so you two can begin to eat your breakfast. The coffee is great; just what you needed to cure your headache.

“It’s simple,” he says as he sits down beside you after he’s placed your breakfast sandwiches out.

“Is it really?” You push through a mouthful of food—gross you know, but Jungkook was the last person to care.

He quirks that pierced eyebrow at you that just drives you absolutely mad, “Hell yeah. We’re still best friends we’re just gonna have lots of sex now.”

You look at him stunned before you both are laughing hysterically together. Maybe he is right. Simple. As the two of you eat your breakfast, you can’t help but feel so very happy but also so very sad. The two of you have created a bubble of paradise and it’s going to burst as soon as you get back on the plane to head back home.

“Jungkook,” you say, turning the conversation serious after you both have finished your meals. He responds with a hm? “I’m still moving after the summer,” you bring it up hesitantly given how touchy it is; but there was no escaping and hiding from the truth. You were leaving; Jungkook was staying here.

He tenses up in his seat, pursing his lips as he glances over at you, “That’s another reason Junghyun called me last night,” he begins. You look at him confused, asking what he means, “I’ve been thinking about telling you about my feelings for so long Y/N, and I clearly have shit timing,” he laughs ironically, “But Junghyun has known for awhile now—I think before I even knew it but um,” he pauses, “He made me promise to him that by the end of this trip that I would tell you, so he was on my ass about it last night.”

You smile at him sweetly, resting your hand over his, “Well now you can tell him you kept that promise,” you offer.

His gaze doesn’t quite meet yours, “Yeah, but that’s not all,” he pauses as you listen to him, “I’ve been applying to jobs in New York,” he admits.

Your lips part as your eyes widen, “What?” You’re nearly breathless as you ask the question—feeling like Jungkook took a baseball bat to your chest. “Why would you do that?” You press.

He swallows heavily, “I just, I knew whenever you said you were going there that I just couldn’t not try with you,” he pauses, his gaze looking almost apologetic, “I didn’t want to be four thousand miles away from you so I panicked and started applying for jobs there,” he explains, “I don’t want you to be mad, and I’ve already talked to my family about it and they’re all okay with it,” he says in a rush, “I just didn’t want you to be alone there, whether I confessed my feelings to you or not.”

He’s chewing on his lip and you can tell he’s nervous. You turn over his palm so you can intertwine your fingers together, giving him a soft gaze.

“While this has completely caught me off guard,” you say honestly, “I would never be mad at you over this,” you squeeze his hand for reassurance, “Did you really apply to jobs there because of me?”

He nods a few times before he hangs his head low. You take your other hand and push his shorter fringe away from his face. While you’re positive many more details have to be worked out, that fact Jungkook made this decision makes you feel an amount of butterflies and love you’ve never experienced before.

“And you’d for sure want to be in New York?”

He looks up at you with those big doe-eyes that haven’t changed from the day you met him, “I’d go wherever you were Y/N. It could be the worst fucking place in world and I’d go there with you.”

You lean over, pressing your lips to his gently.

“I love you.”

He smiles in return, “I love you more.”

You pout some, “That’s not fair—no one is allowed to ‘love more’.”

He kisses you again gently as he pulls you from the bar stool to stand between his legs. His hands squeeze your ass playfully as you try to pull away.

“Well I can be the exception,” he leans into you, his arms wrapping around you protectively. You roll your eyes, a short laugh escaping your lips.

“You know what this means?” You ask inquisitively.

“What?”

“Lots of sex to be had,” you emphasis, “And even more of blowjobs.”

His eyes widen, his jaw slightly clenching and you swear he whines as he looks up at you, pressing your front to his crotch, “Can we start that sooner than later?”

You give him your answer through another kiss and moving your hands at the waistband of his pants. God, you think as you take in the already domesticated environment you two have made together, you could really get used to this. Jeon Jungkook was your best friend and at the end of the day—all you two needed was each other and somewhere to go.

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familyabolisher · 1 year

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ive been intrigued by ur recent posts about glass onion, and i was wondering: did you have similar issues with knives out, or do you feel that glass onion's weaknesses are unique to that film?

i think that knives out suffers from the same liberal sensibilities as glass onion, though glass onion was noticeably more smug and self-important in its conviction of its own political significance. if anything, i think the shift in political logics governing how rian johnson tackles the detective genre between knives out and glass onion makes for a very effective synecdoche of the changing sensibilities of the wealthy american liberal class between 2019 and 2022. knives out is very much a product of the trump era, when american border violence was front and centre of liberal discourses (and broadly understood to be the consequence of a republican presidency rather than a necessary prerequisite to the maintenance of the settler-colonial regime itself). the ethos at the heart of the detective fiction template is one of affirming the necessity and moral integrity of policing and moving the image of policing away from an overtly political register towards one in which crime is predominantly interpersonal, and a contemporary piece that looks to build on the detective genre and grapple with its political accountabilities should reasonably be expected to challenge this notion. certainly there are gestures made to the role that policing plays in upholding border violence in knives out – a significant part of the stakes of the film come from the dangers of police involvement in the case when marta’s mother is undocumented – but at the end, ransom is arrested, marta gets the inheritance, the courts step in to administer justice, and this is presented as a satisfying ending, in keeping with the traditional end to detective fiction. knives out, whilst conscious of systemic violence to some very liberal degree, still closes with the assumption that i think most liberals of 2019 would have taken at face value; that ransom being arrested and marta getting the inheritance was enough, that that in itself was a politically expedient depiction.

between 2019 and 2022, the american liberal sentiment around policing underwent a sea change; the 2020 BLM uprisings in the wake of the murder of george floyd introduced a liberal articulation of police abolition to people who would previously have thought of that idea as an extremist commie position. this was ofc watered down to calls to ‘defund the police’ and other such electoralist bullshit, but the idea that the criminal justice system served the interests of capitalists and enforced white supremacy such that Black people were subject to police brutality was now something that had taken root in the liberal psyche. the idea of a metaphysical notion of justice being served when the perpetrator is arrested at the end of the detective story just wouldn’t quite gel with the american liberal in the way it might have in 2019 (though perhaps this imagines american liberals to be more serious about the politics of policing than they are; at the very least, i think rian johnson seems to have been tuned in to this shift in awareness around what policing is and does, and intended to tackle this). hence how, at the end of glass onion, we see benoit blanc acknowledge that his power to deliver ‘justice’ to miles bron is limited to the powers that he answers to, ie. the police and the courts, and that miles’ wealth + the lack of ‘evidence’ that would be afforded legitimacy in a court of law made prosecuting him impossible. stymied by the system’s inability to deliver ‘justice,’ he galvanises helen to – essentially – destroy miles’ property instead. (& in doing so ofc makes prosecution possible; the fuel that bron was developing is proven to be dangerous, his friends redeem themselves in the eye of the narrative by agreeing to testify against him, etc. – the narrative trips over itself a little as it tries to guide the viewer towards a deliverance of ‘justice’ outside of the courts only to bring our focus back there after all.) there’s a new sense that the criminal justice system doesn’t serve the interests of Black people, that it serves the interests of elon musk-types, and that destruction of private property constitutes an understandable response to such a fundamentally unfair system, but it’s not really … developed into a meaningful or original anti-capitalist or anti-racist ethos as much as it just reflects what american liberals have managed to absorb into their worldview.

anyway, knives out is still broadly v toothless when it comes to ‘saying’ anything about wealth or capitalism or border violence or racism. harlan thrombey, though a wealthy patriarch, is understood to merit a significant degree of sympathy and appreciation from the audience, because 1. he is, putatively, ‘self-made’; all the ‘dislike’ for wealthy people on the part of the audience is channelled towards his children who are presented as spoiled and vacuous and thus undeserving of his inheritance (which, when picked at, is a fundamentally capitalist sentiment that reifies meritocracy); 2. he is intelligent, which goes back to what i criticised about glass onion – so-called ‘intelligence’ and fluency in ‘culture’ is a white supremacist class marker, and failing to interrogate these concepts or ask if a wealthy person with these supposed assets is still a wealthy person complicit in the same violence as the wealthy person who lacks them is a critical failing of an anti-capitalist narrative that near enough collapses it into old money complaining about the uncultured nouveau-riche; 3. he knows marta’s mother is undocumented and wants to protect her from police investigation, which is supposed to endear us to him despite the fact that he had this knowledge and did nothing for her or marta until he himself died, and 4. he participates in what a liberal imaginary might claim constitutes a ‘redistribution of wealth’ in allowing marta to inherit his capital + assets, which in practice only imagines a shift in ownership over the means of production & capital into the hands of marginalised people to constitute an effective counter to racist border violence. (very good post here identifying how marta’s inheritance of the thrombey’s estate plays into the same great replacement logics that the film wants to refute.) marta is seen as a worthy heroine and inheritor of his wealth because she, unlike the thrombey family, ‘deserved’ it – she’s kind, and intelligent, and makes a ‘useful’ social contribution through working as a nurse, and is so driven by an ontological ‘goodness’ that she can’t even tell a lie without vomiting. i appreciate that some of those characteristics are in keeping with what makes for a compelling heroine of the detective genre, but it just makes me wonder — does the film not hang on to a sense of there being ‘deserving’ vs ‘undeserving’ immigrants? would the film have so strongly insisted on marta’s ‘right’ to inherit american wealth and american power had she not been played by a white actress/had she been, say, ‘morally ambiguous’/unemployed/homeless/criminalised? it’s a very palatable narrative, and one that doesn’t really challenge liberal sensibilities or take serious aim at hegemony.

i do think knives out was at its most compelling when it made the point about how people with wealth and power might well identify themselves at almost any point on the political ‘spectrum,’ but will all unite when it comes to the preservation of capital. unfortunately, this collapses in on itself a little with the suggestion that a concentration of capital of the sort that the thrombeys hold/held is fine as long as it’s in the hands of the ‘right’ person, and rings a little hollow considering … the rest.

i don’t believe the detective genre is inherently, irreparably reactionary – disco elysium, for example, is a work of detective fiction that clearly sets out to interrogate and undermine the reactionary ethos that powers its genre touchstones, and by and large does succeed – but i do think that the fact of the genre having emerged out of the development of modern policing with intent to affirm certain paradigms (the ‘individual’ rather than systemic nature of crime and punishment, the integrity of the law and its enforcement as upholding a metaphysical notion of justice that extends beyond capitalist hegemony, the naturalisation of the modern policing system) is something that contemporary creators have to be prepared to tackle, and i think rian johnson has yet to tackle any of that effectively.

#ask

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gothhabiba · 5 months

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During the hundred years of new Jewish settlement in Palestine, whose starting point is conventionally assigned to 1882 (and commonly called "the First Aliya"), a society was produced whose nature and structure proved to be highly fluid [...]. Each new wave [of immigrants] resulted in a restructuring of the whole system. It is, however, commonly accepted that around the time of the establishment of the State of Israel, in 1948, a relatively crystallized Jewish society existed in Palestine with a specific cultural character and a high level of self-awareness, as well as established social, economic, and political institutions. It differed, culturally and otherwise, from the old Jewish, pre-Zionist Palestinian community, and from that of Jewish communities in other countries. Moreover, this distinctiveness was one of its major goals, involving the replacement of the then-current identifications "Jew" and "Jewish" with "Hebrew." [...]

[...] [T]he cultural behavior of immigrants oscillates between two poles: the preservation of their source culture and the adoption of the culture of the target country. [...] Most migrations from England tended to preserve the source culture. European immigrants to the United States at the end of the nineteenth century, on the other hand, left their home countries with the hope of "starting a new life in the new world" [...]. [This slogan's] effect was to encourage the replacement of the "old" by the "new" and often engendered attitudes of contempt towards the "old." Such replacement assumes, of course, the existence of an available cultural repertoire in the target country [...]. [...] [I]t is precisely here that the case of immigration to Palestine stands in sharp contradistinction to that of many other migrations. A decision to "abandon" the source culture, partially or completely, could not have led to the adoption of the target culture since the existing culture did not possess the status of an alternative. In order to provide an alternative system to that of the source culture, in this case East European culture, it was necessary to invent one.

The main difference between most other migration movements and that of the Jews to Palestine lies in the deliberate, conscious activity carried out by the immigrants themselves in replacing constituents of the culture they brought with them with those of another. [...] Zionist ideology and its ramifications (or sub-ideologies) provided the major motivation for immigration to Palestine as well as the underlying principles for cultural selection, that is, the principles for the creation of an alternative culture. [...] [T]he governing principle at work was "the creation of a new Jewish people and a new Jew in the Land of Israel," with emphasis on the concept "new."

At the end of the nineteenth century, there was sharp criticism of many elements in Jewish life in Eastern Europe. Among the secular, or semi-secular Jews, [...] Jewish culture was conceived to be in a state of decline, even degenerate. There was a notable tendency to dispense with many of the traditional constituents of Jewish culture. The assimilationists were prepared to give up everything; the Zionists, in the conceptual tradition of the Haskala, sought a return to the "purity" and "authenticity" of the existence of the "Hebrew nation in its land," an existence conceived according to the romantic stereotypes of contemporary (including Hebrew) literature, exalting the primordial folk nation. It is interesting to note that both assimilationists and Zionists accepted many of the negative Jewish stereotypes, promulgated by non-Jews, and adapted them to their own purposes. Thus they accepted at face value the ideas that Jews were rootless, physically weak, deviously averse to pleasure, averse to physical labor, alienated from nature, etc., although these ideas had little basis in fact.

Among the numerous ways manifested for counterposing "new Hebrew" to "old Diaspora Jew" were the transition to physical labor (mainly agriculture or "working the land," as it was called); self defense and the concomitant use of arms; the supplanting of the old, "contemptible" Diaspora language, Yiddish, with a new tongue, colloquial Hebrew (conceived of at one and the same time as being the authentic and the ancient language of the people), adopting the Sephardi rather than the Ashkenazi pronunciation; discarding traditional Jewish dress and adopting other fashions [...]; dropping East European family names and assuming Hebrew names instead.

[...] [E]xperiments were continuously carried out in Palestine to supply the components necessary for the fulfillment of the basic cultural opposition new Hebrew-old Jew. It was not the origin of the components which determined whether or not they would be adopted, but their capacity to fulfill the new functions in accordance with this opposition. Green olives, olive oil and white cheese, Bedouin welcoming ceremonies, and kaffiyehs all acquired a clear semiotic status. The by now classical literary description of the Hebrew worker sitting on a wooden box, eating Arabic bread dipped in olive oil, expresses at once three new phenomena: (a) he is a worker; (b) he is a "true son of the land"; (c) he is not eating in a "Jewish" way (he is not sitting at a table and has obviously not fulfilled the religious commandment to wash his hands).

— Itamar Even-Zohar, "The Emergence of a Native Hebrew Culture in Palestine, 1882-1948." Studies in Zionism 4, 1981. DOI 10.1080/13531048108575807.

#Itamar Even Zohar #quote #Palestine #Israel #food #Zionism

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highpriestessarchives · 1 month

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The Reluctant Ruler Trope: A Philosophical Inquiry into Unwanted Power, Responsibility, and the Burden of Leadership

WC: 3,489

Index

Introduction The Reluctant Ruler in Literature and Folklore The Existential Dilemma of Unwanted Authority Political Implications and the Burden of Responsibility A Special Case or a Universal Relatability? Closing Words

Introduction

“The world is something that was put into your hands and that you must deal with - so you will. You have a rigid back and steady hands, either metaphorically or physically. Is it nature or nurture? You don't know. You are tired of being steady. You dream of feeling alive. Not that you aren’t, but, sometimes, it’s hard to remember that there is a heart between your ribs.” —“Are You A Soldier, Poet, or A King?” quiz by @atlanticsea

Does anyone here remember the “Soldier, Poet, King” quiz that went around about a year or so ago? When I initially took it, I expected “Poet;” you can imagine my surprise when the “King” result absolutely obliterated my mental health.

As I’ve found, a common theme in my writing is the Reluctant Ruler trope, where either 1) a character is thrust into the role of a savior, hero, or king/queen despite not having any wish to lead people or 2) a character assumes the role of a leader without the full understanding of the morally corrupting demands of the job.

The narrative trope of the Reluctant Ruler has long captivated the human imagination, resonating across cultures and epochs. From mythical tales of kings and queens reluctant to ascend the throne to contemporary narratives of reluctant heroes and leaders, this archetype speaks to fundamental questions about the nature of power, responsibility, and the human condition. But what makes this trope such a tragic and believable character? How do we, as an audience, end up relating to and debating the conflicts and moral dilemmas that these characters face? Today, we embark on a philosophical inquiry into the Reluctant Ruler trope, aiming to uncover its deeper meanings and implications within existential and political philosophical discourse.

The Reluctant Ruler in Literature and Folklore

The archetype of the reluctant ruler is deeply embedded in the narratives of literature and folklore, transcending cultural and historical boundaries. Across diverse traditions, tales abound of individuals thrust into positions of leadership against their will, grappling with the weight of power and the burdens of governance.

Shakespeare’s “Hamlet:” One of the most iconic depictions of the Reluctant Ruler can be found in William Shakespeare's timeless tragedy, “Hamlet.” Prince Hamlet, the melancholic protagonist, is suddenly confronted with the task of avenging his father’s murder and assuming the throne of Denmark. Despite being heir to the throne, Hamlet is plagued by doubt, indecision, and existential angst. His famous soliloquy, “To be, or not to be,” encapsulates the profound existential crisis he faces, torn between the demands of duty and the desire for personal authenticity. Hamlet’s reluctance to embrace his role as king stems not only from fear or cowardice but from a profound skepticism about the legitimacy of authority and the corrupting influence of power.

The Arthurian Legend: In the rich tapestry of Arthurian legend, the motif of the Reluctant Ruler is exemplified in the character of King Arthur himself. According to some versions of the myth, Arthur is initially unaware of his royal lineage and is raised as a commoner by Sir Ector. Upon discovering his true identity and rightful claim to the throne, Arthur reluctantly accepts the mantle of kingship, guided by the wise counsel of Merlin and the moral imperative to uphold justice and chivalry. Despite his noble intentions, Arthur grapples with the burdens of leadership, facing betrayals, challenges to his authority, and the tragic consequences of his own choices. His reluctance to embrace his destiny as king reflects the ambivalence inherent in assuming power and the moral ambiguities of governance.

The Biblical Story of Moses: In the Abrahamic traditions, the narrative of Moses provides another compelling example of the Reluctant Ruler trope. According to the Book of Exodus, Moses is initially an ordinary Israelite that ran from his station as a prince of Egypt, content to live as a shepherd in the wilderness. However, when called upon by God to lead his people out of bondage in Egypt, Moses initially resists, citing his own inadequacies and speech impediment. Despite his reluctance, Moses eventually accepts the divine mandate and becomes the revered leader of the Israelites, guiding them through the trials of the Exodus and delivering the Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai. Moses’s reluctance to assume leadership underscores the theme of human frailty and the transformative power of faith and divine providence.

The Existential Dilemma of Unwanted Authority

Despite not having instances in our lives where we are unexpectedly crowned king or being spoken to by a deity, there are still profound lessons in identity and responsibility that we can pull from these characters.

The Anguish of Freedom and Responsibility

Existentialist philosophers such as Jean-Paul Sartre asserted that “existence precedes essence,” emphasizing the radical freedom and responsibility of human beings to define their own meaning and purpose in a seemingly indifferent universe. For the Reluctant Ruler, this existential freedom becomes a source of anguish and uncertainty. Suddenly endowed with authority and influence, they are confronted with the weight of responsibility and the moral implications of their actions. The existential angst of the reluctant ruler arises from the tension between the desire for autonomy and the demands of duty, as they struggle with the paradox of being simultaneously free and bound by social expectations.

Furthermore, with freedom comes the moral imperative to act responsibly and ethically. The Reluctant Ruler, however, finds themselves burdened with the weight of moral decision-making, as they navigate complex ethical dilemmas and confront the consequences of their actions. Existentialist philosophy emphasizes the inherent responsibility of individuals to create their own moral framework and to confront the ethical implications of their choices with honesty and integrity. The anguish of responsibility lies in the tension between the desire for moral clarity and the recognition of the inherent ambiguity and uncertainty of ethical decision-making. The reluctant ruler must contemplate on the ethical complexities of their role, striving to uphold their moral principles amidst the exigencies of power and governance.

Authenticity and Self-Deception

Central to the existential dilemma of unwanted authority is the quest for authenticity (we already knew this; I wrote two posts on authenticity already that you can check out here and here)—the authentic expression of one’s true self and values in the face of external pressures and expectations. The Reluctant Ruler may experience profound existential alienation as they navigate the demands of their role, questioning whether they are living in accordance with their own genuine desires and beliefs or merely conforming to societal norms and conventions.

In fact, they may be tempted to resort to self-deception—to deceive themselves and others about the true nature of their actions or motivations. Existentialist philosophy warns against the dangers of inauthenticity and self-delusion, highlighting the existential crisis that arises from living inauthentically and betraying one’s own values. The Reluctant Ruler may succumb to the pressures of their position, rationalizing their actions or compromising their principles in order to maintain power or avoid conflict. Self-deception becomes a means of coping with the existential anguish and moral dilemmas inherent in their role, providing a false sense of security and comfort amidst the uncertainties of leadership.

Self-deception ultimately leads to existential alienation—the estrangement from one’s authentic self and the sense of disconnection from the world. The Reluctant Ruler who succumbs to self-deception finds themselves adrift in a sea of moral ambiguity and existential angst, unable to reconcile their actions with their inner convictions.

The Absurdity of Human Existence

“The Absurdity of Human Existence” is a philosophical concept rooted in existentialist thought, particularly articulated by philosophers such as Albert Camus and Jean-Paul Sartre. It posits that human life is inherently absurd, devoid of inherent meaning or purpose, and characterized by the fundamental tension between the human desire for meaning and the indifferent, chaotic nature of the universe.

In assuming positions of power unwillingly, the Reluctant Ruler confronts the absurdity of their situation, grappling with the arbitrary nature of authority and the futility of their efforts to impose order and control upon a chaotic world. The absurdity of leadership lies in the recognition of its inherent limitations and the inevitability of failure and impermanence. Despite their best intentions, the Reluctant Ruler may find themselves overwhelmed by their predicament, struggling to find meaning and significance in a world devoid of ultimate purpose.

Here is where another familiar element of existence comes into play: the illusion of control. The illusion of control is a psychological concept that refers to the tendency of individuals to overestimate their ability to influence or control events, particularly in situations characterized by uncertainty or randomness.

For the Reluctant Ruler, the illusion of control becomes apparent as they assume positions of power unwillingly and attempt to impose order and control upon a world that defies their efforts. Despite their best intentions, they soon come to realize the inherent unpredictability and uncontrollability of the events and circumstances they face. This recognition challenges their preconceived notions of authority and power, revealing the illusory nature of their perceived control.

The Reluctant Ruler may initially believe that they have the ability to shape the course of events and influence outcomes according to their will. However, as they encounter resistance, opposition, and unforeseen challenges, they begin to understand the limitations of their authority and the unpredictable nature of the world they seek to govern. This realization undermines their confidence and exposes the fragility of their sense of control.

Moreover, the illusion of control can lead the Reluctant Ruler to engage in behaviors and strategies aimed at maintaining the illusion of power, even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. They may resort to authoritarian measures, manipulation, or denial of reality in an attempt to assert their authority and preserve their sense of control. However, these efforts ultimately prove futile, further reinforcing the absurdity of their situation.

The existential implications of the illusion of control lie in its confrontation with the fundamental unpredictability and contingency of human existence. The Reluctant Ruler's quest for control becomes a Sisyphean task, as they strive to impose order upon a world characterized by chaos and uncertainty. In confronting the illusion of control, they are forced to confront the absurdity of their condition and wrestle with the inherent limitations of human agency in the face of existential uncertainty.

Political Implications and the Burden of Leadership

Naturally, we cannot talk about the complexity behind the Reluctant Ruler without diving into those whom they govern. In examining the reluctant ruler trope through the lens of political philosophy, we confront the complex interplay between governance, legitimacy, and the ethical responsibilities of leadership.

Legitimacy and Consent

The concepts of legitimacy and consent are central to theories of political authority, shaping the foundation of governance and the relationship between rulers and the ruled. In the context of the Reluctant Ruler trope, the legitimacy of political authority is called into question, as leaders may assume power unwillingly, without the explicit consent or endorsement of those they govern.

Political theorists have long debated the sources of legitimacy in governance, seeking to identify the basis upon which political authority is justified. Traditionally, legitimacy has been derived from various sources such as divine right, tradition, charisma, or popular consent. However, the assumption of power by a Reluctant Ruler complicates these traditional sources, as their authority may not be grounded in the typical mechanisms of legitimacy. Instead, the legitimacy of the reluctant ruler may be contingent upon factors such as adherence to legal norms, effectiveness in governance, or recognition by key power holders.

In democratic societies, where the principle of popular sovereignty reigns supreme, the consent of the governed is considered foundational to the legitimacy of political authority. Democratic legitimacy is typically understood to derive from the consent of the people, expressed through free and fair elections. However, the Reluctant Ruler challenges this notion, as their assumption of power may not be the result of popular choice or electoral mandate. Or, on the other hand, perhaps it was, indeed, the populace that raised them to their position while they continued to protest and fight against it. This raises questions about the compatibility of their leadership with democratic ideals and the accountability of political institutions to the will of the people.

A Special Case or Universal Relatability?

The Reluctant Ruler archetype, emblematic of individuals thrust into positions of power against their will, serves as a focal point for exploring the intricate interplay between existential realization, political pragmatism, and ethical considerations within the realm of political philosophy and ethical theory. Through the lenses of political philosophers and ethical theorists, such as Niccolò Machiavelli, Hannah Arendt, Immanuel Kant, and Aristotle, we can seek to elucidate the moral spectrum of the Reluctant Ruler, shedding light on the ethical and existential dimensions of their predicament and the broader implications for human nature and governance.

Political Philosophers:

Thinkers such as Niccolò Machiavelli and Hannah Arendt might consider the ethical and political dimensions of the Reluctant Ruler trope. They would examine questions of legitimacy, authority, and the responsibilities of leadership, shedding light on how the Reluctant Ruler’s predicament illuminates broader themes in political philosophy.

Niccolò Machiavelli

Niccolò Machiavelli, a seminal figure in political philosophy, is often associated with political realism, a perspective that emphasizes practical considerations over moral ideals in governance.

Machiavelli’s political realism emphasizes the importance of power dynamics, interests, and strategic calculations in politics. He might argue that the Reluctant Ruler cannot afford to be guided solely by moral principles or existential concerns but must instead prioritize the preservation of authority and the maintenance of order.

For him, the reluctant ruler’s primary concern should be establishing and consolidating their authority, regardless of the circumstances of their ascension to power.

He famously suggests in The Prince that rulers should be prepared to act ruthlessly when necessary, even if it means sacrificing ethical principles.

The ends justify the means in politics, and that the reluctant ruler must be willing to employ any means necessary to achieve their goals.

Ultimately, Machiavelli would likely emphasize the importance of maintaining order and stability as the primary goals of the reluctant ruler. He might argue that the ruler's legitimacy and authority depend on their ability to govern effectively and preserve the social order, even if it requires making difficult decisions or compromises.

Machiavelli might caution against allowing existential angst or moral qualms to undermine the reluctant ruler's ability to govern decisively. He would likely stress the need for pragmatism and flexibility in navigating the complexities of political life.

Hannah Arendt

Hannah Arendt was a prominent political theorist known for her contributions to the understanding of totalitarianism, the nature of power, and the concept of political action.

Arendt would delve into the existential angst experienced by the reluctant ruler, examining how their struggle with assuming power unwillingly reflects broader themes of human existence. She might explore the absurdity of the situation, where individuals find themselves thrust into positions of authority without their consent or desire.

Arendt would likely emphasize the importance of individual conscience in guiding the actions of the reluctant ruler. She might suggest that the ruler's moral integrity is central to their ability to exercise legitimate and effective leadership, even in the face of existential uncertainty.

She might also argue that political action is inherently bound up with questions of ethics and morality, and that the reluctant ruler's existential crisis serves as a catalyst for deeper reflection on the ethical dimensions of governance.

Arendt might caution against sacrificing moral integrity for the sake of pragmatic considerations, suggesting that the Ruler’s adherence to their conscience is ultimately what determines the legitimacy of their leadership.

Ethical Thinkers

Thinkers like Immanuel Kant and Aristotle would likely explore the ethical dilemmas faced by the Reluctant Ruler. They would analyze how the tension between personal ethics and pragmatic considerations shapes the Ruler’s decision-making process, offering insights into human moral psychology and the pursuit of virtuous leadership.

Immanuel Kant

Kant’s deontological ethics emphasizes the importance of moral duty and universal principles in guiding ethical behavior. He would likely analyze the Reluctant Ruler’s predicament by focusing on the categorical imperative, which states that individuals must act according to principles that can be universally applied.

Kant might argue that the Reluctant Ruler faces a moral obligation to uphold certain ethical principles, even if it conflicts with pragmatic considerations. He would emphasize the importance of acting out of a sense of duty and moral integrity, rather than being swayed by expediency or self-interest.

Aristotle

Aristotle’s virtue ethics focuses on the development of moral character and the cultivation of virtuous qualities. He would likely analyze the Reluctant Ruler’s ethical dilemmas by considering how their decisions reflect their moral virtues and character traits.

Aristotle might argue that the reluctant ruler should strive to embody virtues such as courage, wisdom, and justice in their governance. He would emphasize the importance of practical wisdom (phronesis) in navigating the complexities of political life, suggesting that the ruler should aim to achieve eudaimonia, or flourishing, through virtuous leadership.

On Our Nature

Needless to say, not only can we reflect on our own ethical “what-ifs” in parallel to the Reluctant Ruler trope; through this character study, we can unearth a multitude of political and existential debates and still never settle on a universal answer.

The perpetual debates and unanswered questions surrounding the Reluctant Ruler trope speak volumes about human nature and the complexity of individual experiences. At its core, the Reluctant Ruler archetype encapsulates the fundamental tensions between existential realization, ethical responsibility, and political pragmatism, reflecting the intricate interplay of human desires, values, and motivations.

Firstly, the inability to settle on a universal answer regarding the Reluctant Ruler trope underscores the inherent complexity and ambiguity of human existence. Human nature is characterized by its multifaceted makeup, encompassing a diverse range of perspectives, beliefs, and experiences. The reluctance of individuals to embrace leadership roles speaks to our innate desire for autonomy, authenticity, and personal fulfillment, as well as our inherent susceptibility to doubt, uncertainty, and existential angst. The analyses surrounding the Reluctant Ruler trope reflect the diversity of human experiences and the myriad ways in which individuals examine with questions of identity, purpose, and morality.

Moreover, the fact that many individuals can relate to the Reluctant Ruler trope on a personal level speaks to the universality of human struggles and aspirations. Whether it be the fear of assuming responsibility, the desire for authenticity and self-expression, or the ethical dilemmas inherent in leadership, the themes embodied by the Reluctant Ruler resonate with people from all walks of life.

However, the Reluctant Ruler trope also serves as a mirror through which we can reflect on our own ethical convictions, political beliefs, and existential uncertainties. By examining the complexities of this archetype, we are compelled to confront our own values, biases, and assumptions, and to consider how they shape our perceptions of leadership, responsibility, and human nature. The inability to settle on a universal answer regarding the Reluctant Ruler trope challenges us to confront the inherent ambiguity and uncertainty of human existence, prompting us to engage with questions of identity, meaning, and morality in our own lives.

Closing Words

What initially appears as a narrative device in storytelling reveals itself as a mirror reflecting the intricacies of our own ethical frameworks, existential dilemmas, and political realities.

At its essence, the Reluctant Ruler archetype embodies the universal struggle between autonomy and responsibility, authenticity and conformity, freedom and obligation. Yet, beyond the realm of fiction, it prompts us to reflect on our own ethical convictions and existential uncertainties. Are we, too, begrudging in our own lives, navigating the delicate balance between personal desires and societal expectations? Do we confront the existential angst of freedom and responsibility, or do we succumb to the illusion of control and self-deception?

Moreover, the Reluctant Ruler challenges us to examine the legitimacy of political authority and the ethical responsibilities of leadership. In a world where governance is often characterized by power struggles and moral ambiguities, how do we reconcile the demands of pragmatism with the imperatives of justice and integrity? How do we ensure that those in positions of power govern with wisdom, virtue, and compassion?

Ultimately, the Reluctant Ruler trope serves as a catalyst for introspection and dialogue, inviting us to confront the complexity of human nature and the ethical dimensions of governance. As we scrutinize the unresolved questions and perpetual debates surrounding this archetype, we are reminded of the enduring relevance of philosophy in our quest for understanding, meaning, and ethical clarity.

In the end, the Reluctant Ruler challenges us not only to ponder the existential dilemmas of fictional characters but also to confront the ethical complexities of our own lives and societies. It is through this introspective journey that we may gain deeper insights into the nature of leadership, autonomy, and the human condition, and perhaps, find a path towards a more just, compassionate, and authentic world.

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ltwilliammowett · 4 months

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In today's 9th door I have not only one enchanting beauty for you, there are two of them, in a friendly battle - The Lady Washington and the Hawaiian Chieftain

Lady Washington, left, and Hawaiian Chieftain in a battle

More about them here:

The Brig Lady Washington ( the original ship) was built around 1780 in Massachusetts as a merchant ship. The sloop was named after Martha Washington, but often appears in contemporary documents simply as Washington. In 1787, the ship was acquired by the investor group Bullfinch, Barrell & Company and, under Captain Robert Gray, accompanied the Columbia under Captain John Kendrick on its voyage around the world from Boston to the North American west coast from September 1787. The two ships were lost in a storm and the Lady Washington reached Oregon a week before the Columbia. She was thus the first US ship to reach the west coast. The ships were involved in the fur trade with the indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest coast and then sailed on to Guangzhou in China. There, the commanders swapped vessels and the Lady Washington remained in the Pacific. Together with the Grace, she reached the island of Kii-Ōshima in 1791, where she established the first contact between the United States and Japan, while the Columbia returned to Boston on a westerly course in August 1790.

Hawaiian Chieftain is the name of a Square Topsail Ketch briefly known as the Spirit of Larinda. Built in 1988 in Lahaina on the island of Maui, the Hawaiian Chieftain is a contemporary interpretation of a traditional design. She is unique with the rig of a 19th-century trading vessel and a modern triple keel, shallow draft hull. Drawing only 5.5 feet (1.7 m), she is highly maneuverable in shallow waters.

#naval history #tall ships #lady washington #hawaiin chieftain #19th century #18th century #age of sail replica #advent calendar #day 9

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the-hermit-at-midnight · 4 months

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Exploring the Mystique of the Green Man: Nature's Enigmatic Guardian

In the tapestry of folklore and mythology, one figure stands out as a symbol of nature's enduring power and mystery—the Green Man. Often depicted as a face covered in lush foliage, this enigmatic entity has captivated imaginations across cultures and centuries.

The origins of the Green Man are deeply rooted in ancient traditions, spanning various cultures and civilizations. From Celtic mythology to Hindu iconography, the Green Man takes on different forms, but the essence remains consistent—an embodiment of nature's vitality and the cyclical rhythm of life and death.

At its core, the Green Man is a symbol of renewal and rebirth. In many cultures, particularly in European folklore, the figure is associated with the changing seasons, representing the lush growth of spring and the inevitable decay of autumn. It serves as a reminder of the perpetual cycle of life, death, and regeneration that characterizes the natural world.

The Green Man is often portrayed as a guardian of the forest, embodying the spirit of the wilderness. This role as a protector of nature aligns with the increasing awareness of ecological issues in the modern world. The figure serves as a poignant reminder of humanity's interconnectedness with the environment and the need for responsible stewardship.

One fascinating aspect of the Green Man's legacy is its integration into architecture. Throughout history, intricate carvings and sculptures of the Green Man have adorned cathedrals, churches, and other structures. These representations not only showcase the artistic prowess of the craftsmen but also hint at a deeper connection between spirituality and nature.

In contemporary times, the Green Man continues to resonate with individuals seeking a connection to nature and a deeper understanding of life's cycles. The figure has found a place in literature, art, and even modern spirituality. Many environmental movements draw inspiration from the Green Man, emphasizing the importance of sustainable living and ecological harmony.

The Green Man remains a timeless and powerful symbol, weaving its way through the fabric of human culture and consciousness. As we navigate an ever-changing world, the wisdom encapsulated in this verdant entity invites us to reflect on our relationship with the environment, urging us to become stewards of the Earth and guardians of the intricate balance that sustains all life.

#the green man #witchcraft #witchblr #pagan witch #witch #witchythings #magick #witchy shit #spells #paganism

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grey-sorcery · 6 months

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Title: Psychic Abilities: First Steps

Suggested Reading

Biases in Witchcraft Dualities Psychic Abilities & Mental Illness Shadow Work: First Steps Energetic Senses The Subtle Body Warding Basics

*- Closed or Semi-closed cultures/practices This article uses yellow text, which may be difficult to read outside of dark-mode.

Understanding Psychic Abilities

Psychic abilities often refer to skills or talents enabling individuals to gain information or influence beyond the scope of human senses or scientific understanding. Such capacities are frequently posited to transcend the boundaries of time, space, and matter. While they can be classified into various types – such as clairvoyance (perceiving remote or hidden information), telepathy (transmitting thoughts), and precognition (predicting future events) – the mechanisms underpinning these phenomena remain the subjects of controversy and speculation.

Historical Perspectives

Throughout history, diverse cultures have recognized and integrated the notion of psychic phenomena into their daily lives and spiritual practices. From ancient civilizations like the Greeks and Egyptians, who consulted oracles and seers for guidance, to indigenous tribes who believed in the power of shamans and medicine people to communicate with forces beyond human perception, psychic phenomena have occupied a significant niche.

In the medieval period, psychic occurrences were often intertwined with religious or supernatural explanations. Those who claimed to possess these abilities were either revered as divinely gifted or, conversely, vilified and persecuted for heresy or witchcraft. Notably, the Renaissance and Enlightenment periods began to scrutinize such claims, emphasizing empirical evidence and rationality. This shift led to a decline in the public acceptance of psychic phenomena as mere superstitions or the result of charlatanism.

Modern Interpretations

In contemporary times, the debate surrounding psychic phenomena has bifurcated into two dominant perspectives: the skeptics and the proponents.

Skeptics, often armed with a scientific background, posit that claims of psychic abilities lack empirical evidence. They argue that such phenomena can be explained by cognitive biases, logical fallacies, or mere coincidences. For instance, the confirmation bias might lead someone to remember only the instances when a psychic prediction was accurate and dismiss those when it was not. They also highlight instances where purported psychics have been exposed as frauds, using tactics such as cold reading to feign genuine abilities.

On the contrary, proponents assert that the existence of psychic abilities is a genuine and untapped dimension of human potential. While acknowledging that fraudulence exists, they argue that there are genuine cases that defy conventional explanations. They contend that science, in its current form, may not be adequately equipped to understand or measure these phenomena. Some postulate that advancements in neuroscience, consciousness research, or quantum physics might one day elucidate the enigmatic nature of psychic abilities.

Types of Psychic Abilities

Clairvoyance

Derived from the French words "clair" (clear) and "voir" (to see), clairvoyance essentially translates to "clear seeing." Clairvoyance refers to the claimed ability to gather information about an object, person, location, or event without any known humanly means. This phenomenon is often described as receiving visual information in the form of symbols, colors, or visions. Throughout history, many societies have revered clairvoyants as powerful figures. In some cultures, they played significant roles as advisors to rulers or as mediators between the physical and unseen worlds. Contemporary society, with its emphasis on empirical evidence, often views clairvoyance with skepticism, yet there remains a persistent cultural fascination with this ability. In many spiritual traditions, clairvoyance is seen as a heightened state of consciousness, a gift or a skill that connects the individual with higher dimensions or spiritual guides.

Telepathy

Stemming from the Greek words "tele" (distant) and "pathos" (feeling), telepathy can be understood as "distant feeling." Telepathy is the purported transmission of information between individuals without using known human sensory channels or physical interaction. It encompasses the transfer of emotions, thoughts, or even complex ideas. From ancient legends to modern science fiction, telepathic communication has captured the human imagination. While empirical research in telepathy remains inconclusive, it is a recurrent theme in popular media, underscoring the human yearning for connection. Mystic traditions may regard telepathy as a manifestation of universal interconnectedness, suggesting that at a deep level, all consciousness is one and separateness is an illusion.

Precognition

The term derives from the Latin "prae" (before) and "cognitio" (getting to know), effectively meaning "foreknowledge." Precognition involves knowledge or perception of future events before they occur, without any logical basis for such foreknowledge. This might manifest as dreams, feelings, or intuitions. Predicting the future has been a universal human pursuit, with precognitives often serving crucial societal roles as prophets, oracles, or seers. However, contemporary views on precognition are split, with skeptics pointing to cognitive biases as explanations. Many mystical traditions suggest that time, as humans perceive it, is an illusion. In such a framework, precognition might be understood as accessing timeless dimensions where past, present, and future coexist.

Claircognizance

"Clair" (clear) combined with "cognizance" (knowledge) indicates "clear knowledge." Claircognizance denotes an intuitive ability to just "know" something, without any logical basis or prior information. Individuals with this ability might suddenly know facts, insights, or understandings without knowing how they acquired them. The concept of inherent knowledge or insight is recognized in many cultures, often attributed to divine inspiration or profound intuition. However, in a world valuing empirical data, such spontaneous knowledge can be met with skepticism. Some spiritual interpretations posit that claircognizance is a connection to universal knowledge or the collective consciousness, suggesting an innate ability to tap into an omniscient source.

Clairsentience

Combining "clair" (clear) with "sentience" (feeling), clairsentience means "clear feeling." Clairsentience refers to the ability to physically feel or emotionally sense the energy or emotions of people, places, or events. This might manifest as gut feelings, sudden mood changes, or physical sensations. Empathy and heightened sensitivity have been recognized across various cultures. While some view clairsentience as a heightened form of empathy, others approach it with caution due to its inexplicable nature. Within mystical traditions, clairsentience might be seen as an enhanced sensitivity to the energy or vibrations of the universe, reflecting a deep interconnectedness of all things.

Compulsion

Derived from Latin "compellere," meaning "to drive or push together." Compulsion, in this context, refers to the purported ability to influence another's thoughts or actions without overt persuasion or physical interference. Historical records are replete with tales of individuals who held sway over masses, their compelling presence seemingly altering the will of others. Modern interpretations often approach such claims with caution, exploring psychological mechanisms behind suggestibility. Some spiritual interpretations suggest compulsion is an exertion of one's will or energy over another, tapping into the subtle dynamics of interwoven consciousness.

Common Misconceptions

While psychic abilities have been recognized and debated for centuries, modern society often conflates them with broader supernatural phenomena. To distinguish: psychic abilities are often defined as potential innate capacities of the human psyche, whereas supernatural phenomena encompass a broader range of occurrences that supposedly defy natural laws. An example of such a conflation might be equating clairvoyance solely with ghostly apparitions or haunted locales, limiting the nuanced understanding of psychic phenomena. This conflation can be attributed to myriad factors, including cultural narratives, folklore, and limited exposure to diverse interpretations of psychic occurrences.

The Hollywood Influence

The entertainment industry, particularly Hollywood, has significantly molded perceptions of psychic phenomena. From sensationalized depictions of mediums speaking to the departed in horror movies to superheroes with telepathic abilities saving the world, these portrayals often prioritize spectacle over accuracy. While they capture the imagination and offer thrilling narratives, they may distort or exaggerate the nuances of genuine psychic experiences.

Hollywood's penchant for dramatization means that psychic abilities are frequently portrayed with an added layer of spectacle, potentially leading the general populace to harbor unrealistic or skewed expectations. For instance, telepathy in movies might be showcased as characters having fullblown conversations without speaking, while actual anecdotal accounts might reference fleeting impressions or emotions.

Skepticism and Belief

Public opinion on psychic phenomena is polarized, with skeptics and believers often at odds. Skeptics caution against gullibility, pointing to instances of fraud, the influence of cognitive biases, and the lack of empirical evidence as reasons for disbelief. On the other hand, staunch believers might dismiss skeptics as close minded or overly analytical.

However, a nuanced view acknowledges that both skepticism and belief have their merits. Blind skepticism might close one off to exploring uncharted territories of human experience, while unbridled belief risks being deceived by charlatans. An informed approach considers available evidence, remains open to possibilities, and constantly seeks deeper understanding, free from dogma.

New Age Influences and How to Avoid Them

The New Age movement, originating in the late 20th century, amalgamates various spiritual and metaphysical beliefs. While it has popularized many esoteric concepts, including some pertaining to psychic phenomena, it often does so without rigorous foundation or context.

To avoid undue New Age influences when exploring psychic phenomena:

Educate Yourself: Delve into historical, cultural, and scientific perspectives on psychic abilities. Understand that the New Age interpretation is just one among many.

Question Sources: Not all literature or speakers on psychic topics are reliable. Discern between those who have done comprehensive research and those echoing popular yet shallow narratives.

Practice Discernment: Be wary of commercialized aspects of the New Age movement, such as workshops or products that promise quick psychic awakenings without any substantial groundwork.

Theosophical Influences and How to Avoid Them

The Theosophical Society, founded in the 19th century, aimed to explore, study, and disseminate knowledge about the mystical and unknown. However, its interpretations of psychic and spiritual phenomena are specific to its doctrine.

To steer clear of Theosophical biases:

Broaden Your Horizon: While Theosophy offers a rich tapestry of esoteric thought, it's essential to explore other cultural, philosophical, and spiritual perspectives on psychic phenomena.

Recognize Distinctive Theosophical Concepts: By identifying core Theosophical tenets, one can differentiate them from other psychic or spiritual beliefs.

Engage in Open Discussion: Interacting with a diverse group of thinkers, researchers, and practitioners can help in discerning Theosophical influences from more universal or varied interpretations.

The Science Behind Psychic Abilities

Psychic phenomena have long captured human curiosity, leading to extensive investigations, both informal and academic. Over the past century, numerous institutions have endeavored to study psychic abilities under controlled conditions. These include efforts by prominent universities and independent research bodies.

One well-documented approach has been the use of Zener cards — a set of five symbols (circle, cross, waves, square, star) — to test for extrasensory perception (ESP). Participants predict the sequence of cards, and results are assessed against statistical probabilities to discern any significant deviations suggesting psychic abilities.

Another area of interest has been the study of telepathy, where participants, often in isolated chambers, attempt to transmit or receive thoughts, images, or emotions. Success rates beyond chance levels could, in theory, indicate telepathic capabilities.

Controversies and Criticisms

Despite the extensive body of research, psychic phenomena remain a contentious topic in the scientific community. Some of the primary criticisms include:

Replicability Issues: A foundational principle of science is that experiments should produce consistent results when replicated. Psychic phenomena, however, often lack this consistency, leading many to question their validity.

Methodological Flaws: Critics often point out potential flaws in the design or execution of psychic experiments. These could range from insufficient controls, potential biases, or even fraud.

Statistical Interpretations: While certain psychic studies claim statistical significance, skeptics argue that these could be anomalies or the result of incorrect data interpretation.

Potential Explanations

Given the elusive nature of psychic phenomena, several hypotheses have been proposed, ranging from the purely physiological to the quantum mechanical:

Subconscious Perception: Some suggest that what's perceived as psychic ability might be heightened sensitivity to subconscious cues. This could mean picking up on subtle body language, temperature changes, or even pheromones.

Quantum Mechanics: Some posit that the nonlocality principle in quantum physics, where particles can be interconnected over vast distances, might provide a framework for understanding psychic interconnections. Though this argument tends to be provided by those who do not understand quantum theory.

Unified Field Theory: Drawing from physics, some speculate that a yet to be discovered unified field might explain the interconnectedness of consciousness. Though this argument also tends to be provided by those who do not understand quantum theory.

Potential Biases Within Scientific Approaches

While the scientific method prides itself on objectivity, biases can infiltrate any field of study, including investigations into psychic phenomena:

Confirmation Bias: Researchers, like all individuals, can unconsciously favor data that aligns with their preexisting beliefs, potentially overlooking data that contradicts their hypotheses.

Publication Bias: Studies producing positive or sensational results are often more likely to be published than those with null or negative findings. This can skew the available literature and public perception.

Cultural and Historical Biases: Western scientific paradigms, rooted in materialism, might inherently dismiss phenomena that don't fit within this framework, whereas other cultures might approach the same phenomena differently.

It's crucial to approach psychic research with an awareness of these biases, ensuring comprehensive and balanced investigations.

Comfort with Paranormal Explanations and Experiences

Across the globe, individuals vary in their comfort levels with paranormal explanations. For some, a spiritual or mystical interpretation of an event is natural and enriching. For others, such interpretations might provoke discomfort, skepticism, or even fear.

Some cultures have rich traditions of spiritual and mystical experiences, making paranormal explanations more accepted and integrated. Direct personal experiences with phenomena that defy conventional explanations can either enhance comfort with the paranormal or, paradoxically, provoke greater skepticism. Awareness and understanding of various phenomena, whether through formal education, personal research, or exposure to diverse viewpoints, can influence one's comfort levels.

Developing Psychic Abilities: A Comprehensive Approach

The initial phase in understanding psychic abilities requires identifying subtle indications that point towards their potential presence. Historically, various cultures have believed in the capability of certain individuals to perceive information hidden from the regular senses. These potential indicators might include:

Heightened Sensitivity: Some individuals report a heightened sensitivity to their surroundings, especially in terms of emotions and energies. They often feel strong empathic connections, allowing them to sense the emotions and moods of those around them, even if subtly expressed.

Frequent Déjà vu: The sensation of having experienced something previously, even when encountering it for the first time, may indicate a potential psychic inclination. While this phenomenon can be explained by various neurological processes, some interpret it as a sign of precognitive ability.

Predictive Dreams: Though dreams often arise from the subconscious mind processing daily events, some individuals note dreams that appear to foretell future events. While not always accurate, these dreams' predictive nature often stands out due to its specificity and detail.

Practice Techniques

To nurture psychic abilities, one must employ certain techniques and exercises that are designed to enhance these potential faculties. Here are some scientificallyacknowledged methods that might be beneficial:

Meditation: Meditation is a tool that aids in focusing the mind and building awareness of one's thoughts and surroundings. By practicing regular meditation, individuals can develop a heightened sense of intuition and possibly tap into deeper levels of perception.

Mindfulness: Being present in the moment can help individuals become more attuned to their surroundings and the subtle energies therein. Practicing mindfulness, like meditation, can be a foundation for honing psychic skills by fostering a keen awareness of the world around us.

Exposure to Varied Stimuli: Engaging with diverse environments, cultures, and experiences can sharpen one's intuitive skills. By exposing oneself to a broad array of stimuli, it becomes easier to identify patterns and connections that might not be immediately obvious.

Consistent Training

Consistency is vital when cultivating any skill, and the development of psychic abilities is no exception. Regular practice and a commitment to growth are imperative. Keeping a record of experiences, feelings, and intuitions can be beneficial. Over time, patterns may emerge, providing insights into the development and accuracy of psychic abilities.

Seeking feedback from trusted sources helps in gauging the accuracy of one's psychic perceptions and offers opportunities for refinement. Engaging with literature and scholarly articles on topics like parapsychology, cognitive science, and neurology can provide a rounded understanding and facilitate better practices.

Identifying Cognitive Bias

While exploring psychic abilities, it is crucial to be aware of cognitive biases. These are systematic patterns of deviation from rationality in judgment, where individuals create their own subjective reality from their perception. Examples include:

Confirmation Bias: The tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms one's preconceptions. In the context of psychic abilities, this might manifest as remembering only accurate predictions while disregarding inaccuracies.

Apophenia: The human tendency to perceive meaningful patterns within random data. This could lead individuals to believe they've identified significant psychic insights when, in fact, they're drawing connections from unrelated events.

Identifying Mental Illness Symptoms that Seem Like Psychic Abilities

It is essential to differentiate between genuine psychic experiences and symptoms of mental illnesses. Some symptoms can mimic psychic phenomena, such as:

Hallucinations: These are sensory experiences in which a person can hear, see, smell, taste, or feel something that isn't there. While some might interpret these as psychic visions or messages, they are often associated with conditions like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.

Delusions: Strongly held beliefs despite evidence to the contrary. For example, believing that one has a unique ability to predict events or read minds, when, in reality, evidence does not support these claims.

Hyperactivity and Racing Thoughts: Conditions such as bipolar disorder can lead to periods of hyperactivity and rapidly changing thoughts, which can be misconstrued as psychic energy or heightened intuition.

If you or someone you know shows symptoms of mental illness, you can find a list of assistance and services at the end of THIS article.

Psychic Abilities and the Mind

The intricate network of the human brain, with its myriad neural connections, governs how we think, act, and perceive the world. Central to our understanding of psychic abilities is the role of cognitive functions. These are the mental processes that allow us to carry out tasks, make decisions, and interpret the world around us. A cornerstone of cognition, memory allows us to store and retrieve information from the past. It's been posited that individuals who claim to have psychic abilities might have an enhanced or different utilization of memory, allowing them to recall events or details others might overlook.

The capacity to concentrate on specific stimuli or events in our environment is critical for any psychic exploration. An acute sense of attention might enable some individuals to pick up on subtle cues or information generally unnoticed by the average person. Processing Speed is the time it takes for an individual to interpret and respond to stimuli. A heightened processing speed might allow for faster interpretation of sensory input, which some argue could be linked to certain psychic phenomena.

Role of Subconscious

The subconscious mind, operating below the level of conscious awareness, is a vast reservoir of thoughts, memories, and feelings. Its role in psychic abilities is a topic of significant interest.

Our subconscious continuously processes information, even when we are not actively thinking about it. These processes can lead to sudden insights or "gut feelings" that seem to come out of nowhere but might, in reality, be the result of the subconscious working behind the scenes. While dreams are a regular part of the human experience, some propose that they can serve as a conduit for psychic information. The subconscious mind, active during dreaming, might present information in symbolic or direct ways that could be interpreted as precognitive or clairvoyant insights. The subconscious mind plays a pivotal role in our emotional responses. Some individuals claim to "feel" others' emotions, suggesting that their subconscious minds might be more attuned to emotional stimuli from the environment.

Perception and Intuition

At the intersection of psychic abilities and the mind lies the realm of perception and intuition. These faculties determine how we interpret the world and react to it, and they play a potentially significant role in psychic phenomena.

Enhanced Sensory Perception: Some who claim psychic abilities report a heightened sense of sight, hearing, or other senses. This enhanced perception allows them to detect stimuli that others might miss, potentially leading to insights that seem psychic in nature.

Gut Feelings: Intuition, often described as a "gut feeling," is a form of innate understanding or knowledge without the need for conscious reasoning. While everyone experiences intuition to some degree, its role in psychic abilities might be more pronounced. This intuitive sense might be more developed or refined in some individuals, leading to perceptions that are out of the ordinary.

Pattern Recognition: Humans are naturally inclined to seek patterns in the environment, a trait that has evolutionary advantages. However, some propose that those with psychic inclinations might have an enhanced ability for pattern recognition, allowing them to see connections or insights that might elude others.

Ethical Considerations in the Exploration of Psychic Abilities

The exploration of psychic abilities is not merely an introspective journey; it often intersects with the lives of others, especially when abilities are employed to provide insights or guidance. Herein lies the critical juncture of ethical use versus misuse.

Objective Approach: It is paramount for individuals claiming to possess psychic abilities to approach every situation with an objective mindset. Allowing biases or personal beliefs to interfere can lead to skewed interpretations, which might misguide those seeking counsel.

Financial Exploitation: With the commercialization of psychic readings and related services, there is a risk of financial exploitation. Ethical practitioners should be transparent about their services' costs and avoid exorbitant fees or manipulative tactics that compel repeated visits.

False Claims: Authenticity and truthfulness are fundamental. Individuals should refrain from making unsubstantiated claims about their abilities or the results they can achieve, as this can mislead and potentially harm others.

Respecting Privacy

Delving into the personal lives of others, whether intentionally or inadvertently, comes with significant ethical implications.

Unsolicited Readings: It is ethically questionable to provide unsolicited readings or insights into another person's life or situation. Even if one believes they have valuable information, it is essential to respect boundaries and only offer insights when explicitly asked.

Confidentiality: Similar to medical or therapeutic professions, individuals offering psychic services should maintain strict confidentiality. People's personal information, emotions, and situations should never be divulged without explicit consent.

Consideration of Potential Harm

The potential repercussions of psychic readings or interventions are not always immediately apparent. Therefore, a deep sense of responsibility and foresight is required.

Emotional Impact: Interactions can leave a lasting emotional imprint. Whether the information shared is positive or negative, practitioners must be sensitive to how it might affect an individual emotionally and mentally.

Dependency: There's a potential risk of individuals becoming overly reliant on psychic insights, sidelining their own judgment or decisionmaking abilities. Ethical practitioners should encourage autonomy and personal growth rather than fostering dependency.

Physical Actions: On rare occasions, insights or predictions might prompt individuals to take specific actions in their lives. It's crucial for those with psychic inclinations to understand the weight of their words and the potential physical ramifications they might have on others.

Psychic Abilities in Different Cultures

The concept of psychic abilities, while interpreted differently, exists in some form across various global cultures. Each culture's perspective provides a unique lens through which to understand and appreciate these phenomena.

Eastern Perspectives

In many Eastern traditions, psychic abilities are often interwoven with spiritual and philosophical systems.

Buddhism: Within Buddhist traditions, especially in Tibetan Buddhism*, there are references to "siddhis," which are supernormal powers attained through meditation and spiritual practice. These can range from clairvoyance to precognition. While these abilities are acknowledged, they're often considered secondary to the ultimate goal of enlightenment.

Hinduism*: Ancient Hindu scriptures, particularly the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, detail various psychic abilities termed "vibhuti." These abilities are said to emerge as one progresses along the path of yoga. However, they're treated with caution and are not the primary focus of spiritual development.

Daoism*: In Daoist traditions of China, psychic phenomena might be attributed to the harnessing of "qi" or vital energy. Daoist practitioners often engage in exercises to cultivate and balance qi, which in turn can lead to heightened abilities.

Western Perspectives

The Western world, influenced by a mix of JudeoChristian beliefs, scientific rationalism, and GrecoRoman philosophies, has its own take on psychic phenomena.

Ancient Greece: Oracles, like the famed Oracle of Delphi, played essential roles in ancient Greek society. These priestesses were believed to possess the ability to communicate with the gods and offer prophecies.

Medieval Europe: During the Middle Ages, individuals who claimed to have psychic abilities or other supernatural powers often faced persecution, associated with witchcraft and heresy.

Modern Era: With the rise of spiritualism in the 19th and 20th centuries, psychic abilities gained renewed interest. While often met with skepticism, especially from the scientific community, there remains a segment of the Western population that believes in and seeks out psychic experiences.

Indigenous Beliefs

Indigenous American Cultures: Among the Navajo*, there are individuals known as "hand tremblers" who are believed to diagnose illnesses or predict events. Similarly, the Lakota Sioux have "heyokas" or sacred clowns, who act in ways contrary to societal norms and offer unique insights.

Aboriginal Australians*: Dreamtime stories and spiritual beliefs play a central role in Aboriginal culture. The concept of "Dreaming" refers to both the ancient stories of creation and the personal dreamjourney of an individual, which can offer guidance and insights.

Shamanic Cultures of Siberia*: The term "shaman" originates from the Tungusic peoples of Siberia. Shamans in these cultures serve as intermediaries between the human and spirit worlds, accessing knowledge and healing through altered states of consciousness.

Maori of New Zealand*: The Maori have "tohunga," experts in specific areas, including those who interpret signs, dreams, and omens. They play a crucial role in guiding societal decisions and understanding the world.

African Cultures: Among the Dagara* of West Africa, there are individuals recognized as having a unique connection to the spirit world, often identified at a young age and trained to serve the community. Similarly, the Zulu* of South Africa have the "sangoma," traditional healers who diagnose and treat illnesses and communicate with ancestors.

Psychic Abilities and Personal Growth

The exploration of psychic abilities transcends mere curiosity about the supernatural. For many, it is an avenue towards profound personal growth, fostering a deeper understanding of oneself and one's place in the larger tapestry of human experience.

Self-awareness and Understanding

The journey into psychic phenomena often demands a heightened sense of selfawareness. This introspective path can lead to significant personal revelations.

Delving into psychic practices necessitates continual selfreflection. This process can unearth previously unrecognized aspects of one's character, beliefs, and motivations. Such insights offer opportunities for personal development and transformation. The exploration of psychic abilities can help individuals distinguish between their inner voice — that intuitive sense of knowing — and the cacophony of external influences. Recognizing and trusting this voice can guide decision making and foster a stronger sense of identity.

Some individuals believe that their psychic inclinations provide clarity about their life's purpose or direction. By tapping into these abilities, they feel more aligned with their personal and spiritual goals.

Emotional and Mental Health

The intertwining of psychic exploration and emotional and mental wellbeing is multifaceted and profound.

Processing Trauma: For some, psychic practices serve as a conduit for addressing and processing past traumas. By confronting these issues, individuals often find a path to healing and acceptance.

Managing Stress: Techniques often associated with psychic development, such as meditation and mindfulness, are beneficial for managing stress. These practices promote relaxation, mental clarity, and emotional balance.

Boosting Confidence: Recognizing and honing psychic abilities can bolster confidence. Individuals often feel empowered by their unique insights and the validation they receive from accurate perceptions or predictions.

Influence on Relationships

The ripple effects of psychic exploration extend into interpersonal relationships, shaping interactions and connections in various ways.

Enhanced Empathy: A heightened sensitivity to the emotions and energies of others can foster deeper empathy. This understanding can lead to more compassionate and supportive interactions with loved ones.

Navigating Conflicts: With increased intuition and perception, individuals might find it easier to navigate conflicts. Recognizing underlying issues or emotions can facilitate communication and resolution.

Building Trust: For those who share their psychic experiences with close friends or family, it can foster trust. When perceptions or insights prove accurate, it reinforces the bond between the psychic individual and those they interact with.

Psychic Abilities and Shadow Work

Shadow work refers to the process of confronting and understanding the darker, often suppressed facets of oneself. The interplay between psychic abilities and shadow work is intricate.

Unearthing Hidden Fears: Psychic experiences can bring to the surface latent fears or insecurities. These revelations, while challenging, are essential for personal growth. By addressing these fears, individuals can move towards holistic wellbeing.

Confronting Denial: Denial is a defense mechanism, shielding individuals from painful truths. However, psychic insights can pierce this veil, forcing a confrontation with realities one might prefer to ignore. This confrontation, though initially unsettling, is a step towards authenticity and selfacceptance.

Integration for Wholeness: The culmination of shadow work, when combined with psychic exploration, is the integration of all aspects of oneself. Recognizing and accepting both light and dark facets lead to a more balanced and whole self.

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