#its hard to use but thats what makes it fun

[kelocitta]

Tangentially related to some of the discussion i posted earlier but quiet literally the first RW Art Month i participated I did it completely on whim like, one day before it started. And I mostly did it because I hadn't drawn a ton of rain world and wanted to draw more. Fandom presence was a lot smaller than and I was one of a handful of artists who did the entire thing. Fast forward and I still do Art Month and I've gotten to work with VC directly. But it was quite literally something I decided to do completely on whim that set the ball rolling, and for something a lil more niche and certainly with a lot more dev/fandom art involvement than most. It's really random how and why you might get noticed more than usual, especially with the "toss it into the search and hope it pays out' mechanism of Socmed

#t.extpost #and im hardly the fanciest art month artist out there so it wasnt even about being a jaw droppingly talented artist or whatever #and while artmonth for rw is still given a huge focus its also a much much bigger thing now with a much bigger number of participants #which is cool! its awesome how many people i saw do most if not all of last art month! and VC is really good about not just repping the #most popular artists or fanciest pieces #but theres So Much More there now and while its great for finding artists its also impossible to get Everyone in there you know? #Although they absolutely try #And this is like. one of the most fanartist involved devs ive ever seen in terms of both celebrating the art their fans make and actively #bringing those fans in to contribute #and its /still/ hard to get going just because thats how Posting is #i used to be more of a hk artist which is both a huge fandom and riddled with stunning artists but theres So Many #and niche fandoms are niche so youre more likely to connect with people but less likely to see a ton of engagement regularly - #probably best example i have for that was being briefly fixated on patapon. #Its just messy to try and find the hack that sets you up #just have fun and jump around and make what you like #get a sense of feeling for your style and some people will stick around for that vs. strictly the subject matter #others will look up the thing you switched too and some wont engage #you cant really control it #so have fun and draw that thing you randomly thought about at 2 am that doesnt match your blog #draw for that forgotten rpg you liked when you were 15 or draw for the 70 player max steam game you played for this week #you never really know what will happen #but its not really worth worrying about what will happen either

[humanmorph]

(transcript by @violentandmagnificent)

It’s quiet here, living in your head. It’s quiet here, and when I talk, you listen, at least when you can hear me, which isn’t always. It isn’t always, but it’s better than never. It’s quiet here, living on this ship. It’s quiet here, and I remember when it was loud, I remember different voices bouncing in these halls, I remember old arguments, I remember myself. I wonder how much I can tell you; because  I can tell you; I have much to say. But you never saw me astride the Prophet’s Path, beside the Resin Heart, imparting wrath and play. So who am I? You only know what they’ve told you. So who am I? You only know what’s written down. So who am I? You only know what’s on recordings, and according to the world, I’m a hypocrite, or drowned. I doubt you can hear me, but I know that she can. So pardon my frustration, I’m just tired of her plan. I lost my life long before I understood, before metaphor became real, before I felt the wheel’s wood. I wonder what she’ll tell you. I wonder what she’ll share.  I wonder what she’ll ask of you, what task of sweat and prayer.  I long to sweat and pray, a body in the day. The color of the sun. The touch, the ocean's spray.  The last thing that I felt in life. (The first thing that I felt in life.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I hope she tells the truth to you. (I hope she tells the worst to you.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I loved her like she told me to. (I left her like she told me to.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  We’re running out of time, you know? (She’s running out of time, you know?) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I fear we might be mirrored, two echoes of a call shouted between two queens, two queens who want it all. I fear we might be symmetry, I fear we might be one. Make her tell the truth to you before we come undone.

PALISADE 37: Reach In / Reach Out Pt. 1

#palisade #palisade spoilers #gur sevraq #i checked and i dont think anyones uploaded this one yet? #still havent listened to the episode proper btw. #possibly unwise to post this since i might see spoilers in the tags but whateverrrrrr gur sevraq. #i have an animatic rattling around in my head & like. im not doing that. but oooohhh #friends at the table #is it ocean spray or ocean's spray? it doesnt really matter truly but the s sound is so sharp to me... hrm. #thank you to ellis violentandmagnicifent again. i messed around w the linebreaks a bit but its hard... #its this weird balance between 'this is what it sounds like to me' vs 'but it looks strange (?!??)' #i really like the one at 'I wonder how much I can tell you; because '. thats a really good one. leaving it as is #it hits both (looks cool + captures the intonation used) #tbh this is also making my fingers itch to write it out how i did it on my long road to palisade intro comic #like. in a fun way. #long post

[puppyeared]

When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings

#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem #in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together #and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier #WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH #i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd #and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i #waves my hands around manically #for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins #in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone #and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control #one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings #that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded #and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all #like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need #to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level #AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING #anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have #and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh #yapping

[sandinmybed]

some of yall are incapable of simply saying you dislike something. you have to dress it up in social justice language and make it into a Moral Issue rather than just owning and acknowledging that it's not your taste even though other people like it. which is fine btw.

#also you can make literally anything into a Moral Argument if you try hard enough that doesnt mean its actually relevant to do so #this is how we end up with those fucking twitter threads that are like #joking op: dni if you like pineapple pizza! #insane ppl; uh what about those of us who can ONLY eat pineapple pizza? i have trauma with other types of pizza. #you get what i mean? #this isnt about anything in particular or any one fandom im just annoyed #althoooo #oomf told me someone was bitching about cowboy byler and im like okay! cool! let other people have fun! #thats kind of a separate thing but its related ig. bc again why do you need to moan about it instead of just muting it or something. #idk who it was btw so if this is an accidental indirect at you Oops but like. its not the end of the world if other people are enjoying an #au that you dont. #text

[misspickman]

very compelled by elsters gender both in a transmasc and transfem way bc well elster transmasc lesbian? beautiful wonderful 10/10. she is a robot whose body was made to fit the standards of what people consider a woman to look like, as is the case with most other replikas, so once she starts being treated more like a person of her own instead of just a worker robot, its fun to think of her chafing against it. on the other hand theres elster who was made to look like a woman/her neural pattern is copied from a woman, but is still treated like an object thats only there to do the job. shes referred to by others as 'it' in a dehumanizing way altho not purposely degrading bc they dont consider her a person enough to see this as cruel to her in any way. and slowly she ends up regaining her personhood and a concept of gender that feels right, as much as it can, considering the circumstances

#its complicated right. bc i dont think replikas would consider this much but also idk they are conditioned not to #elster being with ariane who disobeys the rules of what youre Not supposed to do with an elster replika clearly ends with her regaining mor #of a personal identity and willingness to like. make her own choices that arent orders #dont tell me about how this game is not about gender i know. its impossible for me to see a robot character and Not think about gender #especially in this case where theyre so clearly gendered #but still they are almost exclusively referred to as units and replikas and model names #i think falke is the one who actually gets she pronouns in reports? and most of it is by adler who is also a replika #anyway i think its very fun how all these robots are so clearly gendered but also not at the same time #which to me makes the concept of elster choosing to think of herself as a woman also very trans #she is made to look like one she is not meant to Be one #and its hard to say she would think of this bc we rarely get elster think of herself at all #theres two instances i can think of where she refers to herself #txt #signalis #yes u can use it pronouns in a normal not derogatory way but u know thats what was intended in the game

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns- #that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭 #to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use- #to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol) #to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum- #or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world... #its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while.. #anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters..... #altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌 #another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji// #like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry. #his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too.... #idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀 #maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad #bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young #and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder #but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small #and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible #grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing #and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is #probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a #fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong #with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality #and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever #as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun #its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to #read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like #yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess #i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she #clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate #unrelated

[craycraybluejay]

sex and hormone therapy and killing my abusers and doing hard drugs will fix me

#who boutta fix me #its really easy those are the steps #also like turning my therapist immortal #but thats optional i dont wanna see her die tho :( #but um #*flirting* do you fw any mafias aha like do you know any hired guns yk haha like just asking #ive been out of the dating pool for awhile but when i dated i constantly was drawn to dangerous ppl #it was fun! i was like a weird protsgonist with a murderer-o-meter #i kinda hope i see my ex at an upcoming social function just so i can revel in that #i know what they did and its unlikely many others do #i just like the knowing #and networking around #which btw always network everywhere even if its not a networking event #u never ever know when someones skills or luck can be useful to you or when you can pay it forward and help someone else #capitalists dont want there to be upward mobility n ppl try to make networking sound hard #but the truth is its just meeting as many ppl as u can and being polite and friendly #and even making real friends! #also always know your worth skills wise and be able to pitch at just an amateur level #like 'hi i do art and ive been dabbling at my dads mechanic job' #is more than enough #or even 'hi nice to meet you-- you seem really cool what do you do?' #remember not to overthink and just be genuinely curious about other ppl and open and receptive to new social dynamics #and dont write off even the most drastic opportunities #if you need time to think on it just say that #anyway what was i saying #im gonna get better and if someone doesnt fix me i will fix me

[piplupod]

mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.) #and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama'' #number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that! #im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP. #i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.'' #and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/'' #mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!! #i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!! #i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!! #i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!! #or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

[princekirijo]

OK this is the last post I make on the topic because I don't like being too personal on Tumblr (not anymore at least) and tbh I might delete this after a while but it is so upsetting to see people shit on people who are addicted to gacha games. It doesn't matter what it is an addiction is an addiction. I've heard of people going into debt over these things like do you understand how sad and terrible that is. And like maybe idk we shouldn't laugh at them for spending 1k+ on some anime waifu maybe we should idk treat them like a human being and help them.

#turning off reblogs on this because i dont want this spreading #i say personal because ive been affected #not the extent that i've put myself in debt or anything wild don't worry #and to me its less how much i spent and more how fucking fast i was to spend it #but thats as much detail as i'll give #because a) i dont want to discuss it with you guys i love y'all but i have to set my boundries #and b) because as i said i would literally get made fun of for it #and people justify it like 'oh the characters are well written!' yeah because they want you to care about them so you spend money #its literally what the whole system is based on #in gensh!n at least i cant speak for other gacha games #the fundemental system is still fucked up #and look i wouldn't judge anyone for playing these games because that would be hypocritical #so like if you play them whatever #but just do really really think about what you're doing #for your own sake #i know its hard too i wont lie i miss gens!n because i used to play with my gf #she was so understanding though when i came away from it love that woman so much #not sure i would have stopped if it wasn't for her #im probably making it sound worse than it was but then again its probably like oh it wasn't that bad but if you think about it kinda was #just not as severe i suppose #and like final thing but the fact that i literally dont feel i can talk to anyone about this #im much better than i was because ultimately just coming away from the game and the fandom helped #but like because of the stigma around it on and offline i wouldn't feel safe talking about it unless its a professional therapist #and that's so fucked up #sounds like im looking for sympathy im sorry im really not (maybe a little subconsciously) but i want people to know that yeah its fucked #and you're not cool or better because you bully people for it especially if you play them yourself #sorry this post is all over the place ill def be deleting this in a few hours LMAO i just need to get it off my chest #and in fairness to y'all ye're good listeners #ask to tag

[skeletalheartattack]

you have any nostalgia for the humongous entertainment point n click games?

oh definitely!!!! i think ive talked about them in my tags before, but the two i had when i were younger were Pajama Sam 1 and Freddi Fish, though the former definitely had a larger impact for me, it's especially got one of my favourite styles out of all the games

#ask #anon #legit when i think about Limbo or Hell's visuals. i think of pajama sam 1's colours #theyre just such good uses of colours..... #fun fact. i got my copy of pajama sam out of like. a box of fruit snacks or something when i was like 4 #it was like. for school and it was shaped like a schoolbus. idk if it came free with it or was like a Chance to Find or whatever #but thats how i got my copy. though sadly i dont know where it is these days #granted its very easy to emulate. streamed it to friendshow for fun a few months back :) #though my laptop did not enjoy streaming it #i forget how i got freddi fish honestly. but i guess its possible it came with pajama sam? #either that or it just. appeared in my house one day #ive watched brutalmoose play and review the other pajama sams but. i think id always prefer 1 over all the others #its just got Such Vibes.... #also pajama sam 1's soundtrack is really good to listen to #hard to say what my favourite scenarios in pajama sam were though #probably the pencil sidestory for the mines now that i think about it #also as a kid i. didnt know about the hallway past the doors of knowledge. the one with the grandfather clock #so like i never knew how to do the segment where you have to latch king with a hook to get the flashlight #or the magnet or potion making room segments #anyway!!!! thank you for the ask!!!!! #really enjoyed seeing this ask in my inbox :)

[good-beanswrites]

Translyrics for Eve's 名前も知らないあなたに恋をした (I fell in love with you without even knowing your name). I thought the song was so cute and fun and silly, I really wanted to try my hand at some lyrics! They're under the cut and my commentary is in the tags :3

A late-night restaurant, always in the same seat over there and

Smoking a cigarette, I see it rise and run through your hair.

Oh, what to do? I look at you and feel my heart race.

"Not much to look at, huh," you say while gazing into my face.

Pajamas on and I'm always in the same seat over here, with

Coffee, two scoops of milk, I sip it and I try not to stare.

Oh, what to do? Every line I have sounds way too cliche.

"Let's stick together, huh?" Is all that I could say.

No, I don't know your name, but I fell in love with you the same.

A late-night restaurant, you're here each day each month each week and

Smoking a cigarette, I see it trail and trace on your cheek.

Oh, what to do? I look at you and feel my heart race.

"Not much to look at, huh," you say while gazing into my face.

I bet you like me too,  I tell myself but without success, and

I remind myself it's crazy, it's crazy, it's crazy, it's crazy, it's --

Oh, what to do? It's time to clear my heart and my head.

"You know you're beautiful," is what I finally said.

No, I don't know your name, but I fell in love with you the same.

Begging on my knees, answer me please!

No, I don't know your name, but I fell in love with you the same.

#eve #lyrics #i do love a song with a good boing sound effect..... #kinda went off on a different vibe for the 'begging on my knees' line but it was tough getting the rhyme/emphasis to line up #so i played around with a ton of possible close-but-different sentiments #the rhythm is a but funky - i used more enjambment than i usually like for lyrics but it fits the vibe for this one ya know? #like someone going off on one long rambly sentence stopping to take a breath mid-'and' #im impressed with how effortlessly he sings the 'dameda' repetition -- that shits hard 😭 #i had 'craziness' but it didnt flow nicely so i think this works better? i still dont fully articulate 'crazy' because its too quick but #thats what makes it fun 😂 #i didnt end up singing this one because it lines up pretty intuitively i think (and has a lot of repetition lmao) #though if anyone wants to cover it and does need a reference lmk 👍

[spacekrakens]

🦖

#krakens croaks #i got so mad yesterday at my boss i actually had to walk from behind the counter to hide my anger #because a lady came in and told us she suffered from covid and when she left my boss said 'maybe it taught her a lesson' because #shes a known 'karen' type #how cruel do you have to be #and he constantly makes fun of the 'redneck' people here and peoples appearances and their weight and stuff #and it makes me so. pissed. #'im suprised he can even read' he cant. the boy cant read. he needed my help to sigj his name on his card #youre gonna make fun of a boy who is college age who cant read? #and then preach to me about how much youre mistreated at work? maybe people are mean to you because youre so. idk cruel on the inside?? #i can never tell with him. hes so nice and kind on the outside but theres NO love #he got angry with me for telling a very mean lady to have a nice day #i dont give a shit im here to be kind and get my job done #delete later #its SO much easier to complaim about people but ive TRAINED myself NOT to hate people. get some self respect and respect others. #all good work youve done flies out the window the instant you talk shit about the person you helped #its 5 hours of hearing this every damn day #its so hard not to be that way. but you must #shout out to the lady who called me a bitch the other day. i dont care. its my job to help. ill help you #and im not high and mighty. i dont like you. but thats what we are called to do. because ill love you even if you hate me for no reason. #its so hard working in an environment without other christians lol

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏 #i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated