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shihalyfie · 3 years

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"Canon” and “not canon” in the Adventure/02 universe

This is something I want to talk about, because it has a certain degree of relevance to the question of what I choose to take into account in my analyses and what I don’t. I write a lot about Adventure and 02 because both series are ridiculously consistent over their 104-episode runtime, but there are times when things contradict or don’t quite track together, and I have to figure out how to best rationalize them -- which means I need to make arbitrary decisions on what to count and not count, and when one does make those kinds of decisions, you’re very liable to get the complaint: “but that’s not canon!”

Which always makes me think: who decided that? And in the end, this is something that I think extends beyond just Digimon; every fanbase for everything always wants to believe there’s a clear-cut answer to things that everyone’s supposed to follow in a canonical timeline, and things that fall outside it. And sometimes, for some franchises, that is doable, because official staff will actually say outright that “this counts, and this doesn’t.” But that’s not how Toei and Bandai work, and their modus operandi has always been to toss a bunch of often-contradictory stuff at everyone and go “figure it out yourself,” and I think at some point the fanbase really needs to acknowledge that this so-called clear-cut boundary of “canon” and “not canon” doesn’t actually exist at all. Or in other words, any assertion of something being “canon” or “not canon” in the Adventure and 02 universe is purely something arbitrarily defined by fans, and was never determined by official - which, conversely, has actually encouraged you to take as much as you want and figure out the rest yourself.

Before we begin, I do want to make clear that this is not about one’s personal canon based on one’s own preferences -- that is to say, if you’re going “I don’t consider this canon because I don’t like this/don’t want to work with this,” then that’s entirely your right, especially if you’re doing creative work and need to decide what to apply and to not to apply. (Although, as always, one must be conscientious and respectful of those who do like it and consider it canon, because everyone’s going to differ on this.) What I am talking about is when people take a substantial part of the franchise that they otherwise like, such as a movie or drama CD, see one detail that’s contradictory in terms of the timeline or lore, and take that as evidence of “yep, the entire thing’s not canon. We’ll just throw the entire thing out, then.” It just makes me think -- you threw out a perfectly good work for that?! That’s such a waste!

First of all, Toei and Bandai don’t work that way

In general, a lot of the contradictions in the series have a “right hand is not talking to left hand” problem, because as much as we would like to believe that a Digimon series is written by a single consistent entity, the franchise itself is a huge trade-off between Toei and Bandai, and a lot of things from Bandai -- spinoffs, crossover material, games, what have you -- don’t exactly have a stellar track record of being vetted by Toei anime staff. It’s pretty well-known that game portrayals of certain characters can be really off or have misleading info, and even V-Tamer’s somewhat guilty of it. So this is going to happen no matter whether you like it or not, and it happens with any long-running kids’ series that involves a collaboration between multiple companies like this.

Moreover, the traditional custom for Toei “side movies” (in this case, meaning things like the original movie, Our War Game!, Hurricane Touchdown, and Diablomon Strikes Back) is that they’re produced with minimal involvement from the original series’s core staff -- at most, the producer is lightly involved -- and are sometimes even worked on simultaneously with the start of the original series, so you often end up with a movie that’s impossible to fit anywhere in the series timeline because there wasn’t any communication with the two sides. And for that, it’s all too easy to dismiss those movies as “non-canon”, with the fanbase arbitrarily deciding that canon ones are canon because they fit -- but Toei itself has never taken this stance.

The other thing is that, given that Adventure/02 is famous for its ridiculous level of worldbuilding consistency thanks to its director Kakudou’s conscientious efforts on it, it means that as a result, anything not made by him was prone to running afoul on it, and it’s not like the stance back then was to just reject all of it wholesale. “Doesn’t comply with the lore” is so often equated with “not canon”, but Kakudou, the author of that lore, not only made no indication of invalidating or disliking those non-compliant things, but also conversely made an active effort to make those things relevant in spite of that! (See: Our War Game! below.) The official stance is to not deny those works for being noncompliant -- it’s just that Kakudou seems to be the detail-oriented kind of person who personally prefers to work with things that have a high level of consistency (he’s very quick to say “I wasn’t involved on that” whenever someone brings up something from said external materials, not in any condescending way, just “I wasn’t involved, so don’t attribute that to me”). In fact, one of the reasons there wasn’t initially a third Adventure series was that he had difficulty finding a way to adhere to the higher-ups’ pressure to keep all of these contradictions consistent -- so the official stance itself is to try and maintain all of those side works, and that it would be better to end the series itself than to have to do something like deny them.

Which makes things very frustrating for the fans, of course, but nevertheless, that’s how it is -- even back in 2000, the right-hand-not-talking-to-left-hand phenomenon was this significant! And it would have been easy for official to step in and go “okay, we’ll put a statement out here that these don’t apply,” but no, the stance was be that it would be better to stop dragging it out longer and cancel a whole series than to deny those works, which leads us to the current situation. (Plus, think how insulting it would feel from a PR perspective if someone got attached to one of those “non-canon” materials only for official to come out and outright say “yeah this doesn’t count anymore”; we can name examples of this happening in other franchises that have understandably gotten a lot of people upset, and it would be especially offensive to do this right after said material had been released.)

Bolstering the concept of official staff’s very loose opinion of “canon” are the Adventure novels, which were supervised by Kakudou himself and written by Digimon episode screenwriter Masaki Hiro, and are non-compliant with Adventure timeline by design, because it’d be bad for the format to try and depict every single detail in the anime in the form of three novels. Several events are condensed or shuffled out of order, or even sometimes completely different (Koushirou’s incident with Vadermon goes very differently from the anime version). Despite that, this is said directly to be intended as a series of novels to help people understand Adventure and 02 better, and several details in Two-and-a-Half Year Break and Spring 2003 are incredibly consistent with it (namely in the sense of details meant to retroactively connect Adventure to 02, and other background details like Daisuke’s backstory). So you are supposed to do some kind of mental leap where you don’t take the contradictions around the actual events too seriously, but still accept the spirit and the background information you learn from it and retroactively apply it to Adventure and 02 -- and, presumably, that’s probably what you’re expected to do with everything else, too.

And this isn’t even getting into the fact that the anime itself has occasional contradictions and errors due to things like animator error or simply different writers writing different episodes -- the Adventure and 02 staff were certainly very detail-oriented, but they are human and of course inevitably slipped up here and there. How seriously do you take honorifics shifting from episode to episode in ways that don’t seem intentional, or the fact every background material refers to Osamu and Ken having a bunk bed and yet the actual episode with both of them fails to depict it? How do you deal with the fact that the Animation Chronicle is one of the most extensively useful post-02 reference materials with tons of production background info not revealed in the anime, and yet is infamously full of suspected typos that would cause some pretty massive implications if true, or all of those other Bandai and Shueisha-commissioned “side books” and other pieces of media meant to entertain the kids while the series was airing but clearly had no input from Toei staff whatsoever?

In the end, frustrating as it is, the answer seems to be the same as ever: figure it out yourself.

The standards for what’s “canon” and “not canon” are way too arbitrary

Let’s look at a handful of things that have been historically dismissed as “non-canon” by the fanbase:

The Adventure mini dramas and Armor Evolution to the Unknown: Drama CDs that were generally dismissed as non-canon because they’re “too crack” to be canon (their writing style is of the “it’s okay to push the boundaries of characterization for the sake of comedy” sort, and it wouldn’t be until later when we finally got some more serious drama CDs). The latter is full of honorific inconsistencies, most prominently Daisuke and Ken still being on surname basis at a time they’re not supposed to be (due to the fact that it was released while the series was still being produced). But official word is that you’re still supposed to consider them canon -- and yes, that’s Kakudou himself giving official sanction to a drama CD that involved a massive amount of fourth wall breaking and a completely unexplained reunion between the Adventure kids and their Digimon sometime between 1999 and 2002 (apparently this wasn’t the only one, either). How is this supposed to work? Figure it out yourself.

Hurricane Touchdown: The funny part is that up until Kizuna validated Wallace’s existence, there was no actual consistent agreement on why this movie shouldn’t be canon (the Western side being “evolutionary form timeline violations”, the Japanese side being Wallace’s status as a Chosen Child prior to 1995), which really goes to show you how arbitrary all of this is. It also has a sequel drama CD in the form of The Door to Summer, which is also contradictory with Hurricane Touchdown’s ending, so we’ve got two layers of “it can’t be canon because...” -- and yet it has a lot of interesting Daisuke characterization, and, heck, the whole character of Wallace himself, that would all be rejected if you throw this out wholesale. Then Kizuna came along, and there’s a general sense of hesitation against easily denying officially-sanctioned “main” entries like that, which retroactively forced people to somehow skip past all that and accept it, just for the sake of Kizuna’s notability.

Diablomon Strikes Back: Similar to the above, it used to be constantly dismissed as “a non-canon fun movie” because of the evolutionary forms that appear in it, despite the fact that 02 itself established that it wasn’t that hard to restore evolutionary forms if you figured something out. Somehow, a ton of people treated it as such an impossibility that “they figured it out in the first three months of 2003″ would be a viable explanation, and yet official word is that of the second through fourth movies, this is the one that had the most amount of initial consultation with the TV anime staff! And then tri. and Kizuna came along and clearly had high-level evolutions in play too, and dismissing DSB on these grounds meant dismissing those by proxy, and a lot of people were too intimidated to do that and decided to retroactively validate DSB instead, after years of having dismissed it for this reason. Again: look how arbitrary this all is.

The tri. stage play: Mainly because its timeline of events doesn’t fit tri. at all (in regards to the reboot and part 5). This is a fair assessment to make in light of the fact that it doesn’t seem to work very hard to be compliant with the very series it’s branded with, but, funnily enough, it’s actually more lore-compliant with the original Adventure and 02 than the tri. anime series is, and yet the few minor contradictions it makes with the tri. anime series are sufficient to consider it completely kicked out of canon, yet those same people who declare it so aren’t as willing to hold the anime to that same standard just because it holds a more prominent “main” position.

On the other hand, let’s look at some of the things that have been more likely to be accepted than the above:

Our War Game!: Reading this is probably going to make everyone go “whaaaaaat?”, but yep: according to Kakudou, the second through fourth movies were all made without his supervision or involvement and thus have lore contradictions (although he also made sure to say that they’re very fine movies, too). We still haven’t figured out what the lore contradiction is, and so the fanbase considers it canon, and even 02 itself makes multiple references to “the Diablomon incident” in 2000, so you can’t consider this non-canon in the slightest...but yes, according to the official side, it’s actually got a contradictory incursion somewhere in there. There is one hypothesis as to what it is, and it’s such a minor thing that no fan or even official member of staff would dare deny the movie for it, but it still contributes to how arbitrary this entire concept is: Kakudou didn’t want to give anyone (except Miyako, who’s based off a real person) canonical birthdays or blood types for the sake of preventing horoscoping, but Sora’s birthday is portrayed as being around March in the movie. And yes, Kakudou himself refers to this as being something that only happened because he wasn’t involved. (Remember what I said about him historically being quick to disclaim involvement on anything he wasn’t involved on, regardless of how much of a minor detail it is, yet doesn’t necessarily intend to deny the work entirely due to it?)

Tag Tamers: A very vital part of Ken’s backstory that establishes a lot of context behind the Dark Seed and the elusive Akiyama Ryou, which also does not make sense with 02′s timeline and characterization at all, presumably because Bandai and Toei weren’t properly communicating on what kind of details they needed to iron out for this. But of course, all of us would like some explanation to Ken’s backstory, and we have to apply some kind of logic as to how that makes sense, and I’ve yet to see people declare Tag Tamers (or any of the other WonderSwan games) as entirely non-canon as a result.

tri.: For obvious reasons, it’s a “major entry in the franchise”, so people are generally more averse to dismissing it so easily (or, at least, for reasons that aren’t related to pure preference), but I find it rather ironic that Kizuna’s the one that got all the attention for apparently being lore non-compliant, when the exact same lore points mentioned in Kakudou’s reasoning as to why it’s non-compliant (along with a ton of things that actually were in Adventure and 02′s text) are gone against even more regularly and prominently in tri., whereas Kizuna still goes out of its way to adhere to most of these and only seems to have incurred a contradiction in terms of originally intended ideology, and, possibly, its extensive use of the aforementioned movies. (Recall that this got brought up for Kizuna specifically because Kakudou was initially consulted for it; he wasn’t involved in tri. to begin with at all.) See above on how people’s unwillingness to write this one off so easily despite everything ended up retroactively dragging DSB into “accepted canon” territory; that’s how arbitrary this entire thing is.

Then, tied to all of this and making it even more confusing is Kizuna, which, again, putting all issues of personal preference aside, is basically being torn back and forth between all of these whenever you try to apply one of the above arbitrary standards. It’s allegedly lore-noncompliant with Kakudou’s lore and thus lacks his involvement, but it does have the involvement of original series producer Seki Hiromi who was known to be responsible for the series’s original human drama themes (including the premise of 02 itself) and personally vetted the scripts so that everyone could be properly in-character and the original themes still intact; it’s supposedly a “main” entry to the point where people will stop denying older works’ canonicity because of it (see Hurricane Touchdown above), but, legally speaking, is actually classified in the same “gekijouban” category that the first four movies and things like the Tamers through Savers movies are; the staff will say to hell and back that the 02 epilogue still holds (and the movie makes abundant retroactive references in both worldbuilding and themes to it), but many people out there will still insist that the movie ending that way means that (like with DSB above) “they figured it out” between the movie’s ending and the epilogue is apparently some kind of impossibility, and either the movie is non-canon or the 02 epilogue is invalidated now. (My personal stance on this is that the epilogue itself provides the answer to how they figure it out if you look closely at the movie’s themes, but that’s a tangent.)

The point I’m trying to make is that regardless of whatever stance you take on all of the above points, this is all extremely arbitrary, and these fanbase rationalizations on why this and that isn’t canon are constantly contradicting each other, shifting, and occasionally based on really meaningless things. And, again, it’s fine if you’re saying that you don’t consider this or that canon because you personally dislike it or where it went, or you find it difficult to work with, or between two contradictory things you prefer one or the other (I certainly have my fair share of strong opinions in this regard) -- but it would be better if we all admitted this and went “I just don’t consider this canon” instead of acting like there were ever some universal consensus or official backing.

"It didn’t happen this exact way, but something resembling it still happened”

So, we’re in this uncomfortable situation where we’ve been handed a ball of knots and have to work with it (a very frustrating situation especially for fanfic writers), and I have to personally say that I think all of this comes from people having far too inflexible of a concept of “canon” and “not canon”, especially to the point of rejecting a full-on perfectly fine entry just because of one timeline issue. I honestly think it’d be better if we could rather take a certain stance close to the Pixiv dictionary wiki’s view of how Wallace can appear in Kizuna: “(some version of) Wallace exists in the timeline of the main story.”

Right, so: Hurricane Touchdown is contradictory. The evolutions don’t work at that point in timeline, and Wallace shouldn’t be able to be a Chosen Child from before 1995. Those things don’t work with Adventure and 02′s timeline and lore. However, let’s look at the following story: let’s say that, between 02 episodes 14 and 15 (when the movie first screened), while school was on break, Daisuke and his friends went on a summer adventure to the US and met a boy named Wallace, who had a struggle regarding one of his partners losing his sanity, and bonded with him and helped put his partner to rest. No part of this contradicts 02 at all. There we go! So we can safely say that some story that mostly resembled Hurricane Touchdown happened in the canon timeline. Some of its details weren’t exactly the way they happened in “the movie we, as the audience, saw” -- but something that substantially resembled the movie still happened in the universe of Daisuke and his friends. And you can apply that same logic to Tag Tamers, or any other vital canonical but ostensibly contradictory material -- the media that we as the audience got may not accurately reflect the events in universe, but there’s absolutely nothing saying that some more timeline and lore-consistent alternate version didn’t happen in canon instead.

Moreover, even Adventure/02 itself gives you a bit of precedent for this concept -- namely, the fact that the final episode of 02 reveals that the entirety of Adventure and 02 is part of Takeru’s novels. It’s a pretty common theory that there might be differences in the way “the story we got” was presented, versus how they actually happened in the world Takeru lived in -- of course, Takeru certainly went out of his way to remove as much bias from the situation as he could, but you can hardly say that he, as a human, would be completely free from it, and he himself even admits that everyone he consulted had differing opinions on the events in question. And not every single piece of Digimon media has the Hirata-Hiroaki-as-Takeru narrator, which means that perhaps it’s not entirely out of the question that the different takes on the stories that the Tokyo Chosen Children went through in their youth would not be entirely consistent with each other, depending on who’s telling it. But that doesn’t mean that those events necessarily didn’t happen at all, just that some of the details were different from what we as the audience saw.

In the end, I leave the rest to everyone else to figure out -- as I said, I think this is a decision everyone will have to make for themselves, whether they’re a fanfic writer picking and choosing what to include for the sake of a coherent fic, or whether they’re just expressing a preference to not have to think too hard about or work with something they’re turned off by. (And in the case that there is someone who expresses their dislike of working with something and doesn’t want to consider it canon, I think it’s very rude to give them grief for that, and conversely, if you don’t want to consider something canon but encounter someone who doesn’t have as much of a problem with it, it’s very rude to try and expect them to change their opinion to yours.) But I do think it would do well for all of us to have a bit more of an open mind and a creative attitude towards these kinds of things before trying to shove everything into a “fully canon” and “fully not canon” binary.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #shihameta #kizuna spoilers

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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Weird q..but i really dont understand why most fans hate season 4, especially the last episode. Why? I think it gave us a deeper look on both sherlock and mycroft! I felt it tells a lot about mycroft how he had to step in and take control of things ever since he was a kid himself. Also he is not a robot or a killer. Also redbeard thing. It was an appropriate deep psychological trauma (cause most shows usually disappoint in that area). I am not trying to impose my opinion. Just want to understand

Hey Nonny!

It’s all good, and I totally respect your opinion and how you enjoyed S4! It’s totally okay! I know that there are quite a few who got a lot of of S4, and who genuinely enjoyed it.

Sadly, I am not one of those people, and I’ll try to be as diplomatic a possible in my response, but PLEASE know that I don’t think you’re “terrible” or “stupid” for liking S4 because I DO get passionate sometimes in my responses, and I’m just merely speaking as someone who studied the series very closely for quite a long time before S4 aired, and as someone who knows Day-One-ers (ie., people who watched Sherlock on its day one airdate) who also are a large majority of the people who did not like S4. This is just me simply stating why I didn’t like it, but it’s different for everyone.

Stating what I DO like: The acting and cinematography of the first two episodes were brilliant for what they had to work with, and I’ve never faulted any of the actors for the flaws of S4. And for TFP, they did the best with what they had to work with.

That’s… pretty much all I really liked about S4.

Now, here’s my problems with S4:

Nothing made a LICK of sense to the narrative that they were telling in Seasons prior.

This series was always based a bit in reality, and suddenly everything became comic-book rules: X-Men villains, shitty “redemption” arc, destroying favourite characters just for drama, ludicrous physics, explosions that only destroyed one small room in an apt where in previous episodes one explosion destroyed an entire block, etc.

Sherlock was OOC.

Mary was being built up to be a fantastic villain? Ah, nope, here’s the lacklustre twist where tee hee Mary’s just an assassin with a heart of gold that still emotionally abuses Sherlock and John and just won’t fucking stay dead.

And speaking of this, the DVD’s make NO LOGICAL SENSE unless she was planning to kill herself

AND she tries to make her death equatable to Sherlock’s??

Everyone was RIDICULOUSLY out of character in TFP, I’m so sorry: Mycroft is a bumbling coward for the most part, Sherlock disregards John when he gives the Vatican Cameos warning, the Holmes Parents are assholes because Mycroft COULDN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM WHEN HE WAS 12?? ARE YOU SERIOUS???? And that creepy Moriarty / Eurus thing, and LITERALLY they’re implying that EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE EURUS DIDN’T GET A HUG. Like, I’m so sorry, but that’s lazy writing.

And don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of the entire character of Eurus. She LITERALLY had X-Men powers, and like… just nothing made sense. Her involvement in the entirety of S4 MADE NO SENSE. Why go back to prison if you can get out?? WHAT IS THE POINT?? AND I repeat: She did all this because she didn’t get a hug. Yes. I’m oversimplifying, but at the base level, that’s what it was, because she wanted Sherlock’s attention. Welcome to the club, kid, stand in line, everyone on the SHOW wants his attention.

The ENTIRE plot of the first 2 seasons got wiped out all because it wasn’t Moriarty who was interested in Sherlock, but Eurus?? What… What about Carl Powers?? Like…. the ENTIRETY of season one and TGG makes no sense now, because of that one 5 minute scene where Eurus “enlists” Moriarty. I… ugh.

The SUDDEN tonal switch from kind-of Sherlock to James Bond, for some fucking reason.

And on that note, how terribly lazy and cheap TFP looks in comparison to the other two episodes. The whole episode looks like it was filmed in a small house with 4 identical rooms.

EVERYTHING that was etablished in 2 episodes prior were COMPLETELY forgotten when Mary was “shot”.

The complete character assassination of one loyal blogger John H Watson in favour of Mary for some fucked up reason, even though AT HIS OWN WEDDING HE COULDN’T STAND BEING AROUND MARY. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for one damned second that John would EVER forgive Mary for murdering his best friend after seeing what it did to him. That’s not love from her, and that’s NOT John’s character EVER in the ENTIRETY of the series.

And speaking of character assassinations, Molly’s character being devolved to S1E1 Molly, where instead of giving her agency like they were doing with her the ENTIRE series, so much so that Sherlock picked up on her dominance enough to give her a big role in his mind palace in HLV and TAB, only to make her a sad little self-insert Mary Sue pining for the main character, and in turn made Sherlock a TERRIBLE human being for MAKING HER say what she did. It’s gross.

AND speaking of Molly’s character, they’ve been setting up Mollstrade since as early as ASiB, but I guess that plot line got shafted. Look I LOVE Hopkins, and I am ANGRY they didn’t give her more than 3 fucking lines in the entirety of ONE episode after HEAVILY promoting her actress and character, but they essentially reduced her to a piece of ass for Lestrade to chase. AND THAT’S NOT HIS CHARACTER EITHER. EW GROSS.

The constant plot holes being gaped wide open, and the Chekov’s gun moments where they bring up shit but do nothing with it!!

TD-12? Nope, just a lame reference to a story we like.

John got shot at the end of TLD with a VERY REAL FUCKING GUN? Nope, it was a dart gun.

John not suddenly knowing how to be a doctor.

The TGG one I mentioned up above.

What was in the letter? And who was Anyone??

Moriarty essentially being erased as anything other than a hired thug and had no part whatsoever in Sherlock’s history.

Eurus… Just all of her character is asinine.

Everyone in T6T suddenly not knowing John’s the blogger, which is in direct contradiction to literally the entire series.

The AGRA plotline was ridiculous, in the end.

Baby? What baby? It was only there when convenient.

They dropped whatever plotline they were going to do for Mycroft: He was being set up as either dying, or the villain.

Redbeard. I’m sorry, I disagree with you on that. Mofftiss is trying to tell me that a little boy fell down a well and went missing, and that WASN’T the first place searchers / the police wouldn’t have looked? Sorry, no. And then. AND THEN his parents just… go along with this thing where Sherlock shuts down and they DON’T get him therapy? Yes, I agree the mind is a funny thing, and we can be traumatised into forgetting or dissociating from traumatic events. I GET IT. But… like I don’t believe the Holmes are so heartless as to just never grieve or have memories around about their supposedly dead daughter. It’s another OCC thing for me.

John’s cheating.

Disappearing and reappearing characters, like this scene, and the entirety of the aquarium scene.

Mary and John being terrible parents

OH GOD THIS FUCKING SCENE. That bomb SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE BUILDING.

What… who was this girl on the plane? What? Like I know WHO, but if she’s supposed to be Eurus talking to Sherlock, why don’t we see Eurus… talking to Sherlock? I … Ugh.

NORBURY.

The glass SUPER SECRET GOVERNMENT ROOM THAT NO ONE SHOULD SEE INTO in T6T.

Sloppy camera work that some believe was intentional, but if it wasn’t, jesus c’mon.

The RIDICULOUS amount of 4th Wall Breaking. Like… even the actors didn’t give a shit.

Essentially, everything on this list here and in this blog tag here.

And everything mentioned on these three posts:

T6T: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TLD: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TFP: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

There’s SO much more I can go into, but please go through my “something’s fucky” tag in that last link.

Notice how probably 90% of that has NOTHING to do with “johnlock not becoming canon” because the Johnlockers get MONSTROUS accusations as to THAT being why we didn’t like S4, even though it was, like critically panned by the GENERAL AUDIENCE who have NO investment in the series other than “I liked it in the past”.

Two of my fave YouTubers have interesting (not perfect, but still good) takes coming at the series as casual viewers:

‘The Day Sherlock Died’ by The Closer Look

‘Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why’ by hbomberguy

So it’s NOT just Johnlockers. I’ve talked to Sher1011ies at 221B con who didn’t like S4 either, because most of them realized how shitty Molly was treated in the last episode. So yeah, a big middle finger to those who think I dislike S4 because of “no Johnlock”. No, I disliked it because I need my stories to make logical narrative sense. I disliked it because I love John and they ruined his character all for the sake of drama and because Moffat has a “hurting Ben” kink. I disliked it because Mary should NOT have been “redeemed” because she was an abuser. I disliked it because Moriarty was turned into a cartoon villain, even though he was already overused in the series. I disliked it because the core of the show – the FRIENDSHIP of Sherlock and John, and their solving mysteries together – did not exist at all. I disliked it because John got sidelined. I disliked it because TFP was a ridiculous episode that, if you replace ANY of the characters, it wouldn’t make a difference, because it didn’t feel like an episode of Sherlock. I disliked it because everyone was OOC.

Anyway. Sorry. One too many accusations my way over the past 1100+ days LOL.

As for your assessment of TFP, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. There was no growth and actually it implies something far more sinister: That the Holmes are and were terrible parents that gave no shits about their daughter, their traumatized son, and expected their eldest to essentially be a parent. It implies that Mycroft, at 12 years old, orchestrated the ENTIRE Sherrinford thing… Look I can suspend my disbelief, but there’s limits, and this is one of them. A LITERAL CHILD. Perhaps Uncle Rudy had a hand in it somehow, but then why not shit on Uncle Rudy? Why is Mycroft blamed for it all?

Look, I don’t doubt Sherlock had a traumatic experience regarding “Redbeard”. But then why play into the fact that he was a dog? Why bring another character into the series just to have a gotcha moment? Because Mofftiss wanted a “Shyamalan twist”, that’s why. They threw EVERYTHING away for a twist ending either because they GENUINELY thought it was good, or they got tired of doing Sherlock. ALL of TFP is LITERALLY a really bad plot twist because reasons. TFP makes no sense to the ENTIRE narrative structure of the previous 12 episodes. It erased EVERYTHING from the previous episodes, and coated it with a gross closing by a character no one wanted in the series, and then tried to convince us that it’s a new beginning – “a journey they had to go through” – but it SOLVED NOTHING.

Anyway. I have big feels about S4, and the only way I can enjoy it is to watch it subtextually, but even then, I cannot sit through TFP without cringing.

That said, Lovelies, please do not attack Nonny for enjoying S4! I know you guys won’t, but Nonny came out with an olive branch and they just want to understand why the fandom is passionate about S4′s… whatever it was. We can have a civil discussion about it, and point out – without attacking – why S4 is universally panned. It’s okay to like things no one else does, and Nonny was respectful to me in this ask!

So with that, feel free, lovelies, to express why YOU didn’t enjoy the series, or why you did! I’m interested in both “sides” / pov’s whatever :)

#steph replies #long post #sherlock s4 #s4 shitposting #mofftiss #something's fucky #the mary problem #my thoughts #my meta #shitposting steph #sorry gang if you like the season #it's easier for me to enjoy it if i tinhat

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drama-and-tv · 4 years

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First half of 2020 tv shows/dramas completed

SO apparently, my original blog “may contain sensitive media” (how my original blog contains them, I have no idea because I don’t think I have ever written nor posted anything that is inappropriate) so here I am, making a new one even though there are just so so many thoughts I poured in that blog since the beginning of 2018.

I wish I could put all of the contents from there here. But since I don’t know how to do that, I shall only put up my thoughts on the things that I have completed watching this year (2020) that I have put up from there.

With that being said, here they go... most of them in the original words that I had typed/written from last time. My only change will be the rating (now I shall use the numerical rating since I have figured how to rate things properly in numbers now) :

Season 2 of Sex Education was such a delight to watch! While I do feel that it lacks some Otis and Maeve’s interactions (and wtf is that cliffhanger?), I feel that the other characters are given the opportunity to flesh out and have really good story lines. Definitely a step up to Season 1!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Bad news: The third part/season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is the worst part of the show that I’ve watched so far. Good news: I still somewhat like it.

The main issue of this new-released part is how messy it is story wise. There are far too many things going on that it felt a little bit too chaotic - like there’s the Pagan storyline, there’s that Faustus storyline etc etc. It’s just too much.

What makes me still enjoy it is because of its characters. I am attached to the characters and I wanna see their journeys in this show. For instance, Ambrose and Prudence are probably the standouts in this season because they are just super badass here.

Overall, it’s okay. I would still watch this show when the new set of episodes are released.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Chocolate would’ve been better or ranked higher if they cut down the number of episodes - from 16 to maybe just 8.

Despite its melodramatic tone and ridiculous story line, I actually really enjoyed the initial episodes. I mean okay, the time jumps are a bit too much but I was sold on the emotions and the characters. It’s a melodrama, for crying out loud - it’s not meant to be realistic.

But then, for some unknown reason, it got draggy around the second half of the drama. And it affected my love for the drama. It was like they put a brake on the main plot and save for it the last episode (which it did).

This does not mean that it’s not a good drama. For the most part, I actually enjoyed it and I was invested in the characters’ journeys.

Just that it could be better.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Black Dog was not a drama I thought of watching. The posters and the plot did not make me feel compelled to watch it because for some reason, I thought this drama would be something like those corruption dramas or corporate dramas - while I can enjoy those kind of dramas, I do have to be in the ‘mood’ to watch them.

It was only when I started seeing some gifs/images over Tumblr that I started to consider it. And when more and more people raved about it, I knew that I just have to check it out.

And just like what these people said, it was good. A really good drama, actually! I think what I love about this drama is how realistic it really is. I like that I can actually relate to the world and the characters in the drama. While Haneul and I don’t share the same type of field, I can empathise with her struggles in obtaining/maintaining her employment and sitting for the certification exam. I can empathise with how she tries to navigate the world of school and teaching.

All I know is I have definitely cried or teared up in some of the episodes. (that’s really a feat cause the last time I cried like this in a tv show/drama is season 3 of Anne with an E and we all know how I feel about that show.)

I also love how there is a good balance between drama and comedy in this drama. While this is primarily a drama, I like that it doesn’t feel heavy. It makes it easier to watch multiple episodes in one sitting.

If there is one minor problem with this drama, it is that it feels like the main drama ends with 12 episodes and the remaining 4 episodes are the epilogue or extra episodes. While the remaining 4 episodes are still pretty good, it has somewhat cooled my love for this drama. However, I do appreciate it and it gives a good look at what happened after Haneul’s first year of teaching.

With that, I have contemplated on whether to give this drama the best rating I could give in the drama or the second best. Considering that there is barely any flaw in this drama, I shall give it...

FINAL RATING: 10/10

Season 2 of Kingdom did not disappoint. It maintained the same energy and intrigue that it brought in the previous season. There’s the excitement, there’s the high-quality production and there’s never really a chance for it to falter or drag. Its pacing remains consistent and I remain hooked to the end. I also like that this show does not end in an agonising cliffhanger - it wraps up the main plot that was introduced in the first season and at the same time, teases on what is to come in the possible season 3.

Overall, a really good season!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

I gotta admit, Crash Landing On You was a pretty nice watch! I initially had quite low expectations for this drama - I have hard time being truly engaged in big budget romcoms because they tend to be unrealistic and too fluffy (and I like my dramas pretty realistic).

But to my surprise, I actually really like it. The episodes (particularly the first half of the drama) were candies to the mind and to the eye! Yes, this drama is hella trope-y and there’s a lot of moments which are very unrealistic and are there to be flashy and amp up the romance. But you know, something about this drama just works.

Of course, like a lot of k-dramas, the second half of the drama is less addictive to watch. But it was still a pretty good watch. I mean, it got my mum really addicted and my brother to finally watch a k-drama beyond Kingdom after all these years.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

For someone who doesn’t know shiz about baseball, Stove League was still a very good drama to watch. It has that underdog story (in this drama, the under-performing baseball team for 2 years in a row, Dreams) that makes it easy to root for. It remained tight and consistent throughout its run. Its tone is very balanced - has good balance of serious and comic relief.

And most importantly, it’s not very hard to like the characters that matter.

Overall, very solid drama!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

When the Weather is Fine is really a good drama to watch at the moment, during the midst of this current pandemic. Even though initially (the first episode) it did not win me over due the drama’s slow pace, I gradually enjoy watching it regardless of its pace and eventually, I was hooked.

This drama has a very calming and “healing” aspect to it even though the subjects dealt can be serious. I like that even though there’s some serious issues here, the drama remains well-balanced and still has plenty of light-hearted scenes. Lim Hwi (the male lead’s younger sister) is definitely my favourite character in this drama as she brings a lot of sunshine to the table with her innocent teen self. Also, the comforting presence of the community (whether it being the Good Night Book Club member or the people/families in the neighbourhood etc) along with naturally serene setting make the drama feels warm.

With that, I recommend watching this drama, especially to anyone who wishes to seek comfort and feel warm.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

Netflix’s Never Have I Ever was an unexpected treat for me. I did not know the existence of this show prior to its release. I did not see any of its promos/trailers etc. So there was no expectations whatsoever prior to watching it.

My brother and I only happened to stumble upon it when trying to find something to watch on Netflix. So you can say that this was a present that came out of nowhere because as soon as I just went into it (within the first few minutes), I already really like it!

This show was funny. It was relatable as someone who comes from an Asian background. And most importantly, it has plenty of hearts. Trust me, I was tearing up when watching the last two episodes of this season (I sincerely hope that the show will be renewed for the next season).

Definitely a really nice show to binge quickly as it only has 10 half-hour episodes.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Find Me in Your Memory was a pretty decent watch. Yes, it is a very standard kdrama in the sense that the plot is very very generic and there are so so many obvious tropes here. However, its characters and the chemistry of the main leads still made it worth a look. This drama might not be the most unforgettable or unique drama out there, but it is very easy to watch and it makes a good addition to anyone’s watchlist if you want something straightforward and not complicated.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Man, A Piece of Your Mind could have easily been this perfect drama that I’ve ever watched this year had it only retained its original length. It is not to say that this drama is not good - it is as of now, actually one of the top dramas among the dramas I’ve watched this year.

This drama basically fits the type of drama I typically love: a realistic drama which examines more on its characters and focuses on emotions etc. Yes, I know people have complained that it is very slow but to me, that was part of its charm. I love slowly getting to know its characters and how they are feeling etc. I like being emotionally connected to them and follow on their journeys.

So I’m just sad the drama was cut from 16 episodes to 12 (reason being because of its low number of audiences). While the drama did its extreme best in making it work and it does not affect the main plot of the drama other than speeding things up nor does it really diminish my enjoyment for this drama, I’m just sad on what could’ve been if they were able to keep the extra 4 hours to the story. Like, we could’ve gotten better exploration on the characters etc (especially for instance that character who was played by the evil mother in law from Search: WWW and the Eunjoo’s Homestay residents and even frigging Hoon, Hawon’s colleague... like why was he even in the grandma’s house in the countryside?) . Things would’ve been more... organically unfold.

Despite all this, I still really enjoy watching this drama and I still remain invested in the characters’ journeys etc. Our main leads’ relationship feels warm and comforting. The vibe of this drama is just my kind of taste. And most importantly, I feel comforted watching it until the end.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

With that being said, those are some of the shows/dramas that I have completed up until now. Others that I have completed are season 2 of The Sinner (5/10), ITV’s Belgravia (6/10), Netflix’s The Circle France (soooo entertaining with plenty of drama and strategies, 8/10), season 18 of American Idol (8/10) and most recently, Netflix’s Extracurricular (I will eventually share my thoughts on it soon).

Stay tuned.

#tv #kdrama #completed #s education netflix #chilling adventures of sabrina #jtbc chocolate #tvn black dog #kingdom netflix #crash landing on you #stove league #when the weather is fine #never have i ever #find me in your memory #a piece of your mind #the sinner #belgravia #the circle france #american idol

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nazyalenskyism · 4 years

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Can’t Fall in Love Tonight

A/N: A modern Zoyalai AU, Nikolai is a politician and Zoya is his manager.

Ao3 Link: Can’t Fall in Love Tonight

You can find Chapter One of ‘Can’t Fall in Love Tonight’ under the cut, enjoy! Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

“That’s unacceptable and you know it, don’t you?”

“Y-yes ma’am.”

Zoya resisted the urge to roll her eyes, dear lord, each new batch of interns was worse than the last. They had no backbone whatsoever, and when did it become part of her job to help them develop one? “So, if you know the criteria for all reports submitted to me, why didn’t you check with your supervisor that it had been done correctly? Why would you bring it to me without being sure?”

“I-- I’m so sorry Ms.Nazyalensky, it won’t happen again.”

She nodded curtly, “see to it that it doesn’t. We run a big campaign, and we can’t afford to have little things like this slow down the cogs of the machine. Double check all the requirements next time, because if you don't, there won't be any more chances, nor will you ever find a job with any political campaign again.” The kid, Paul-- no--Patrick, stared at her, his mouth wobbling, trying to find a reply. She’d given him another chance, why was he still standing there, acting like she’d already fired him? She opened her mouth, about to tell him to run back to his station when she noticed glinting gold out of the corner of her eye. Fantastic. The gallant hero riding in to save the poor intern from the stormy harpy. She knew the names they called her, and she didn't care in the least. There was a reason she had her job, and that was because she was the best, not because she was the nicest.

“What Nazyalenksy means to say is that we constantly have to be updated with new incoming information that the format that you learned on your first day was created to save as much time as possible while conveying the information easily. Each individual on the staff has a significant role to play, something that seems as trivial as a document’s format has a big impact on the entire campaign. Your job is as important as mine, Pavel.”

A hand clapped down on the young man’s shoulder as he replied, “really?” in an awed voice, mouth agape. Zoya fought to keep her composure again, these interns were always ready to bow down in front of their boss as if he were a king and they were mere subjects. A few words from Nikolai, a charming smile thrown their way and they were basically genuflecting.

“Well, that’s not entirely true, I suppose. I do have to stand around and look dashing, the most difficult of my daily tasks,” the man said good-naturedly. This was typical Nikolai, when he was in front of the lower level employees, he was a commanding and kind boss. When he was before his biggest donors, he was a charming young man, telling lively stories about his time in university, his world adventures, how he’d sailed around the world in two years, anything that would ensure their support. Pavel stood rooted to the spot, this was clearly the first encounter he’d had with the Nikolai Lantsov, and he looked like he was close to passing out.

“Run along now, Peter, and remember what I said.�� The boy hurried away, too scared to tell her she’d called him by the wrong name, turning his head back to catch one last glimpse at Nikolai, paling as Nikolai raised a hand waving goodbye.

“His name was Pavel, and you didn’t have to instill the fear of Zoya into him for his mistake,” Nikolai said, turning his head towards her.

Zoya shrugged a shoulder noncommittally, “now he’ll never make the same mistake again. Where are we finding these new recruits, I swear we weren’t this incompetent when we did this.”

“You, incompetent? Those words don’t belong together in a sentence at all.”

“What about, Zoya’s unparalled talents save her incompetent candidate, Nikolai Lantsov from defeat yet again?” At that, Zoya saw slight tension creep into Nikolai’s stance. She sighed, they really couldn’t go more than an hour without yet another issue springing up, could they?

“Perhaps that isn’t the most fitting phrase,” Nikolai said, tone shifting from easy and relaxed to all business. “Let’s talk in my office.” As he led the way down the hall of their headquarters, Zoya saw people stick their heads out of doorways to catch a glimpse of the golden boy, eyes wide, mouths agape. Zoya didn’t miss the looks towards her as well. Regularly she was their hard-ass superior who tolerated nothing less than perfection, but whenever their staff saw her go into a room alone with Nikolai, they got ideas that only added to the small, but ridiculous rumours that they were ‘a thing.’ She couldn’t care less, her job was to be his campaign manager during election season, and Chief of Staff otherwise— and so nearly half of her time was spent with Nikolai, heads bent over desks, trying to solve whatever new problem they encountered. Long after everyone had wrapped for the day, they would still be at the office, or retreat to Nikolai’s lavish apartment to continue working. She always went home after these late-night sessions, and nothing remotely scandalous had ever happened between her and Nikolai, but the rumors didn’t seem to care about facts. They were close, they always had been. She wasn’t about to act differently because of a small rumour. Unless their actions would negatively impact Nikolai’s image, she didn’t care. Still, Zoya swept the hallway with a cool glare, she was still their superior, and they didn’t have time to waste watching a man walk down the hall.

By the time Zoya reached the end of the hall, Nikolai was gallantly holding the door open for her, and quickly shut it behind her. She didn’t particularly care for his office, it felt like a watered down, more palatable version of his home office, which was much more eclectic, filled with his personal hard-won treasures, not just that which looked the most interesting and professional. But she supposed, if anyone understood the importance of presentation, it was her. Her blue silk blouse with its delicate silver pearl buttons was paired with a sleek black skirt, and her usual heels were polished to perfection, not unlike Nikolai’s shining black Oxfords. “So, what is it?”

“Zoya. It’s... It’s…” He scrubbed a hand over his face, and she froze, she hadn’t seen him this phased about something in a long, long time. Whatever this was, it couldn’t be good.

“Just spit it out Nikolai, whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”

“We have reason to believe that Demidov has a new Campaign Manager.”

Zoya felt her brows draw together, “that can’t be the whole of it, who is it Lantsov?” Nikolai looked at her pointedly and Zoya understood immediately, “no. No. No. Way. In. Hell.” She felt pure hatred course through her veins. ‘Any other problem, we could deal with-- any other problem than this. Why did it have to be this?’ She drew in a deep breath. She had been preparing to face him again for years. Not just to face him, but to beat him at his own game, and she knew that she could. She had learned a lot, grown, and become a force to be reckoned with. She was ready to beat him, and this time, she would.

“Right then, what do you want our next move to be?”

Nikolai looked up at her, his brows furrowed, she was almost sure that he was going to ask her if she was alright, which was the last thing she needed to hear right now. Instead, he shook his head slightly, clearing his face of all concern before drawing out files from his desk drawer. “We have to figure out their strategy. But before that, we have to tell the team. Demidov is definitely bringing his new manager to the charity ball tonight which means we’re all going to have to play nice.”

Zoya snorted, “you can play nice Nikolai, I’ll be doing just the opposite.”

“Zoya,” he caught her wrist as she turned to stand. “All of us hate him, but we can’t do anything in public today. I promise that we will find a way to get rid of him forever, but we’re not going to do anything to jeopardize future plans today, is that clear?”

Her chest heaved, it had taken everything in herself not to let go and scream when she’d realized who Nikolai was alluding to, but she didn’t know if she could manage to do this-- to go through a 6 hour fundraiser while ‘playing nice’ with the man who had ruined all their lives. But she had a job, and that was to carry them through this election, to have Nikolai’s back, to ensure that they did what they could for the people they promised to serve, and she would not let him be the reason she didn’t fulfill her duties. She pursed her lips, nodding at Nikolai, “I won’t do anything to mess things up, but I sure as hell won’t be playing ‘nice’.”

“I would expect nothing less of you,” Nikolai said with a genuine smile, tugging gently at her wrist, “if I wanted someone who would ‘play nice’ I wouldn’t have started working with you eight years ago.”

“You didn’t start working with me, Lantsov, I started working with you. Without my intervention, you would still be in local politics.”

“Semantics dear Zoya. If I hadn’t approached you in the law library, we would have never met.”

“That’s wrong and you know it. We would’ve met when I ran for the head of the student body and beat you for the presidency. I would’ve loved to see you defeated by me. It’s fine, I guess watching you lose board game night every Friday for the last eight years is good enough.” She sat down, her wrist still in Nikolai’s grasp.

“I don’t lose every time,” Nikolai frowned childishly, and Zoya had to suppress a laugh, she knew he was trying to up her spirits before they had to relay the bad news to the others. “I always win the strategic games, like chess but you unfairly banned them.”

Zoya leaned in, cocking her head at him, “we can’t all be boring like you Lantsov. What’s the point of a game night if half the group falls asleep by 9 PM?”

Nikolai leaned in as well, “it’s not my fault none of you are worthy competitors, if you--” he was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door, causing Zoya to pull away sharply, yanking her wrist from him. Nikolai shot her an unreadable look before inhaling deeply, “yes?”

“Mister Lantsov, I have Ms. Safin, Mr. Kostyk, Mr. Yul-Bataar and Ms. Kir-Bataar here, like you asked.”

Nikolai and Zoya shared a look, this was it then. “Let them in.”

***

“Zoya, come on, we’re going to be late unless we leave right now,” Nikolai glanced at his watch, the charity event started in 40 minutes and with the traffic it would definitely take them at least half an hour to get there.

“I’m coming!” Zoya’s voice drifted down from the upstairs floor of his apartment. Zoya lived in a cozy apartment in Hell’s Kitchen that she had shared with Genya and Tamar, but when Tamar had started getting serious with Nadia, she’d moved in with the girl and they’d gotten married shortly after. Now, Genya and David were newly engaged, which meant that David was always over, and so Zoya was spending more time at his place, because as she liked to say, “if I have to sit through one more dinner where it’s just the two of them goggling at each other the entire night, I’ll take out their eyes myself.” After they’d broken the news to the rest of their inner circle, Zoya had asked if she could get ready at his apartment, and when he’d said yes, had gone home immediately to grab her things. He knew she felt unreasonably guilty, that she felt like she’d betrayed her friends by allowing Demidov to hire him, even though she’d had no way to stop it from happening. He knew she didn’t want to have to face Genya alone immediately after they had told her, and he knew that was why she’d sought refuge in his apartment for a few hours before the party. He wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, that she couldn’t change the past, only work with him to better things in the future, but these were things she already knew, and she relied on him to help her to move forward, not tell her what she already knew.

Nikolai looked at his watch again, now they were actually about to be late, “Time to go! Where are you Zo—” Nikolai felt his breath skip. While he’d been distracted, Zoya had begun to descend the stairs, looking ethereal in a silky emerald green dress, her hair loose, tumbling in ink black waves over her shoulders. He felt a bit like a school boy, his breath quite literally knocked from his chest for a moment. Teardrop emeralds hung from her ears, and matching clips held back portions of her hair. He thought Zoya in her favoured blue had been difficult to resist, but Zoya in green was a sight to behold on its own. Had he not been practiced in restraining himself from her beauty, he was sure he would’ve trailed behind her the whole night like a forlorn puppy. “I’m ready, I’m ready!” She called, hurrying to the door to slip on her heels for the night. “Hold this,” she grumbled, smacking her clutch into his chest as she breezed by him.

“Ouch, you know you could be more gent--”he broke off, nearly gaping. Backless. Her dress was backless. Nikolai looked up to the heavens, it seemed less and less likely that he was going to survive tonight. He shook his head, trying to clear it so he could focus on their task for the night, although he didn’t know how he was supposed to focus on anything else when his Chief of Staff was looking like that. He sighed audibly and Zoya’s head snapped towards him as they slipped out the door.

“What, you’re not looking forward to tonight?”

“No. I am.”

“What is it then?”

“I’m just thinking about how you’ve out-dressed me again. People are going to start thinking I have no sense of style if you keep upstaging me like his,” he replied, grinning at her.

She rolled her eyes, “you’re not used to it yet, Lantsov? I’ve always been better dressed and better-looking. Maybe it’s time you up your game.”

“Oh,” he clutched his chest in mock despair, “how you wound me.” Zoya snorted at him before flouncing towards the elevator. He stared after her, he definitely would never get used to this.

***

They’d sat through the initial speeches, the extravagant dinner with its ridiculously small portions and now the dance floor had opened up and yet, they’d yet to see Demidov or the newest addition to his staff. Nikolai had convinced Zoya to dance after she’d spent the better part of the evening making sure Genya was okay, and that Nikolai spoke to all the people they needed to secure as donors, and charmed everyone who came within 5 feet of him. Now, finally he’d been granted a short reprieve in the form of a dance with his favourite harpy.

Zoya felt her pulse thrumming, her adrenaline had been high all night, and she just wanted the night to be over, the anticipation was tugging at her relentlessly. She’d agreed to a dance with Nikolai, and he looked especially the part of a prince tonight. She had to admit to that she’d had a moment of speechlessness when she’d seen him at the bottom of the stairs, the midnight black of his suit a stark contrast to his golden locks, and the gold tie pin and cufflinks he adorned highlighted the gold flecks in his hazel eyes. It was good that he looked handsome tonight, from a professional standpoint only, of course, people responded to beauty, they both knew that. She’d been around Nikolai, been his closest friend for long enough that she had made herself immune to his charms and looks. Still, she fought shivers when he placed her hand in his, the other sitting on the small of her back as he led her into a flawless waltz. As they began to gently sway to the soft string music, Zoya’s mind turned back to the issue at hand.

“Do you see him?”

“No. He’s probably waiting to make a dramatic entrance.”

“Is that what you would do?”

Nikolai hesitated,“I would never be in his position.”

“You’re right. I just wish we knew what game he was playing. Or when he’d show up.” They passed a few moments in silence, both of them drawing closer together, content in the moment, until Nikolai saw a commotion out of the corner of his eye.

“I think your wish has been answered, Zoya dear.” Her head jolted upright just as the song ended. There, at the grand doors of the ballroom, was Demidov, looking the part as usual, and next to him stood a man dressed entirely in black.

“Here we go,” Nikolai murmured. Zoya took his arm with one hand and grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing server’s tray in the other as they crossed the floor towards the men. Nikolai found David and Tolya’s eyes from across the room and gestured towards the ballroom door. They both nodded and Nikolai watched as they found Genya, Tamar and Nadia. Good, it was best that they all got out of here. Knowing the man, he would try to goad them with mentions of their friends, and Nikolai was not in the mood tonight.

“Mr. Lantsov,” Demidov greeted them cheerfully, clasping Nikolai’s hand in a friendly handshake. “The always radiant Ms. Nazyalenksy,” he smiled, pressing his lips to her knuckles, not seeing the dangerous fire simmering behind her eyes. Only her true friends would ever be able to see how irritated she was by a man she deemed as, ‘having a backbone made of butterscotch pudding.’ He wasn’t fully aware what that meant, but Genya, Nadia and Tolya had agreed serenely when she’d first said it, so he supposed it must make sense.

“Please, allow me to introduce you to my new campaign manager! This is--”

“Aleks!” Nikolai exclaimed jovially, not missing the laugh in Zoya’s eyes. “My goodness, it’s been so long.”

“You know each other?” Demidov said.

“Oh yes, way back in my university days, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear that story, it’s far too long and features several ballads dedicated to my brilliance. It’s rather a production.”

“I prefer to go by ‘The Darkling’,” Aleksander interjected coolly, inclining his head at Nikolai in acknowledgement, and resting his eyes on Zoya.

“Oh,” Zoya started, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing any true emotion on her face. She brought a finger to her chin in mock-contemplation, though no one other than Nikolai and the Darkling would know it. “That’s a strange name, is it French?”

“No, no. Zoya, I speak French, and whatever it is, it’s not French. Maybe it’s Russian?” Nikolai returned, looking thoughtful. Saints, he was a frighteningly good actor.

She shrugged, “funny, I’m fluent and I've never heard that before.”

“Is it not English, Aleksander?” Demidov questioned, clearly puzzled.

The Darkling ignored them all. Instead he turned to Zoya, “Ms. Nazyalenksy, would you honour me with a dance?”

“No.” Zoya enunciated clearly, looking directly at him. Nikolai laid a hand on her arm, a small reminder of their larger plan. His phone buzzed in his lapel pocket, and he glanced at it quickly, a message from Tamar, perfectly on time.

“If you’ll excuse us, we have to take this,” Nikolai said holding up his phone, placing his hand on Zoya’s back, letting her know they were escaping this situation. Demidov nodded a goodbye as Zoya took a final sip from her glass.

“It was so nice to meet you, Alexi!” she laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder, clearly dismissing him as if she were a queen and he were a mere peasant.

“Goodnight, enjoy the festivities Aleks,” Nikolai added, nothing but a polite smile on his face as they turned and started towards a sheltered alcove in the corner of the room.

***

Zoya paced back and forth, “I hate everything about this— how could anyone even think to hire him after what he did?” Nikolai frowned, there was a note of desperation in her voice, very unlike Zoya. He knew the crimes of the man as well as the rest of his inner circle, they had all been directly impacted by him, but he knew that Zoya had never forgiven herself for being young, taken in by his seemingly perfect ideology and being unable to see the rot that lay beneath it all. Others who were older, and arguably wiser had been fooled just as easily as they all had, yet Zoya wouldn’t forgive herself, she held herself to a higher standard, he knew what that was like better than anyone else. The reason he’d told her before he’d broken the news to the rest of his staff was because of this, he knew that neither him nor Zoya would ever let that man inflict anymore hurt upon their friends.

“He did a lot to bury his crimes, only a few people truly know what happened. The general public views them as allegations, not definitive crimes.”

“Why? They’ve seen the evidence.” Zoya snapped, “they can see it every day.” He could see that she was a tightly wound coil after the news and that she needed a distraction.

“Shall we share another dance?”

“What?” she snapped, “Nikolai, I’m not in the mood.”

“Whatever you say, Nazyalensky, but if you don’t dance with me, I’m 98% sure he’s going to ask you to dance next,” he said nodding towards Kirigin, one of many men who constantly trailed them at functions like this in an attempt to catch Zoya’s attention for a second.

“Oh god, my options are you and Kirigin?” Zoya rubbed her temples, as much as she wanted to go home and finish a bottle of wine on her own, she knew they had to stay until the party was over. “Fine. Lead the way Lantsov, but I will be stepping on your toes.”

“I would expect nothing less from you, my ruthless Zoya.”

#zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #zoyalai #tgt fanfic #kos fanfic #zoyalai au #nikolai x zoya #the grishaverse #king of scars au #zoyalai fic #my written works #idiots to lovers #im a zoyalai stan first human second #mentions of: genya safin #mentions of: david kostyk #mentions of: tolya yul-bataar #mentions of: tamar kir-bataar

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sserpente · 5 years

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Mischief and Ice (Chapter 2)

Synopsis: Thanos’ cruel attempt to wipe out half of the universe failed and the titan is dead; but his actions came with grave consequences. Tears and cracks in the universe, all across space and time formed wormholes within the nine realms and beyond, giving old enemies a vicious opportunity to strike again. When the Jötuns invade Earth and the Avengers assemble to defend the planet once again, it is the help of none other than the former war criminal Loki they are reliant upon to drive the icy warriors back to their own realm. But then the God of Mischief encounters a young woman abandoned in the cold—your body mangled and altered with Jötun blood, a lab rat to the Frost Giants. He decides to take you with him and nurse you back to health, unable to comprehend the confusing affection he begins to harbour for you.

Find all chapters on my masterlist!

Stepping through a make-shift portal was hardly a problem, travelling by Tesseract or Bifrost had proven to be a lot more draining. The challenge was to put up with all the hostile glares the Avengers shot him like daggers when they caught sight of him, following suit after Thor.

He had to admit, Strange was skilled—he conceded him talent, yet he was hardly impressed. After all, he had been doing this for centuries. Last time, the mortal wizard had merely caught him off guard. Loki would not let that happen again.

“So… Frost Giants,” Thor began with a forced smile, sitting down on the chair reserved for him during meetings almost as if he had never left the compound. Loki simply stood, clasping his hands behind his back. There was no reason to get comfortable around these people. Especially Tony looked like he was going to shoot him any moment and Doctor Strange, joining the group at the table after the portal snapped shut behind him, steered clear of the God of Mischief anyway, fuelling the other’s suspicion even further.

“It’s good to see you, Point Break. But why the hell did you bring Reindeer Games?” Tony interrupted him harshly.

Loki only smirked as he lifted his arms in false defeat. Infuriating them had amused him then and it still amused him now. Nothing was ever going to change about this. He was not fond of his own past, and the reputation his own family had besieged him with. There was nothing to be proud of, not really. But, he had begun to come to terms with it. So what was wrong about having a little fun? A malicious smile worked wonders to hide a wounded and tainted heart.

“Look, Loki is…” Thor hesitated. Why did he hesitate? The world knew by now he was not really Asgardian. The God of Mischief sighed. “He knows the Jötuns a lot better than I do.”

Tony opened his mouth to protest, followed by Natasha raising an eyebrow at him.

“Right… next thing we know he sets them against us.”

This time, Loki actually chuckled quietly, almost surprised by himself. He had fought so much in the last couple of years, survived quarrels with his brother, won against the Goddess of Death and lastly, helped to kill the titan who had scarred him for life… and there was absolutely no reason for him to still bother with all the people who had slashed his vulnerable heart not so long ago; not then and not now. Still… that did not mean he could not vex them when it felt like cooling medicine down his throat.

“You are not quite wrong, Agent Romanoff.” His blue glance wandered over to Thor who watched his every movement with widened eyes.

“What are you saying?” He roared.

“I am the rightful king of Jötunheim.”

The entire room fell silent. One could practically hear them all trying to digest what he had just said. Eventually, Thor spoke up again, leaning against the table in the process.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He stated dryly.

“A long time ago, we have tried your method. Do you recall how your blind lust for battle ended?” He paused, his wicked grin widening. “Brother… do you not trust me?”

Bruce scoffed. “That’s a trick question, right?”

Oh, it was. Never trust the God of Mischief. Loki was curious as to what it would feel like to be trusted for once, yet he felt no desire whatsoever to make up with the self-proclaimed superheroes.

“Perhaps it is about time I claim the throne.”

“Okay.” Tony spat. “What’s your plan? If it involves killing or any kind of narcissistic self-glorification, I’m going to kick you all the way back to Norway myself.”

Sighing, Loki rolled his eyes. Stark was the one talking.

“Please… enlighten me. Have you got a plan? Your metal armour will be entirely useless against the Jötuns, Stark, they would freeze the parts within mere seconds. What is your strategy?”

Steve was the only one willing to reply. Morally, the soldier out of time was perhaps the only one thinking rationally when it came to him. He could not exactly say that he liked him but at the very least, Loki was able to tolerate him.

“We should be headed to Norway right now. If they attack, without us the people will stand no chance.”

“Then what?” Loki probed, clearly unimpressed. “What about the places they have already taken? You are suggesting what has been on Thor’s mind since he first laid hand on his hammer—to hurl yourself into battle and strike where they will be at their strongest. The Jötuns will send their fiercest warriors to Norway, rest assured Asgard will defend it but their leaders… their leaders will hide, cowardly, in the background.”

“How would you know?” Tony snapped. In response, the God of Mischief turned straight to Thor.

“Laufey ruled Jötunheim for decades. The Frost Giants would not take kindly in leaders and commanders changing their utmost principles. I watched them for a long time, learned how they operate, remember? They do not like surprises.”

Bruce raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms with a thoughtful expression. “So what do you suggest?”

“I suggest we take the war where we want it to be.”

They have abandoned their palace and they left me behind to die. Was it mercy… or was it a worse fate they had tossed you into? You had run out of edibles two days ago. Covered in frost bites, bruises and other injuries but most importantly half frozen, you were surprised you still managed to melt the ice between your hands to drink some water.

No. Death would be mercy and yet, you did not want to perish. If only you had listened to your brother.

Come home early, he had said. Mum’s making supper, he had said. You didn’t know whether they were still alive. Your mum suffered from an incurable illness. She was weak, bed-ridden for the most part but she loved cooking more than anything in this world. Whenever she felt energised enough, she would prepare gorgeous and delicious meals for you all.

You should have come so you would be together now. You should have screamed at your boss and insisted on leaving. It wasn’t like you were getting paid for all the extra hours he forced on you… but you still needed the money on your bank account every month, if anything to pay your mother’s medical bills—you couldn’t risk getting fired.

What had happened to the rest of the country, you did not know. Iceland was fairly small compared to other places, the chances there was help on the way were ridiculously little. Maybe they were all dead. Maybe you had gotten lucky.

You scoffed, your breath blowing white fog into the cold air around you. Your will to live was strong but you had long bent to the Frost Giant’s cruel rules, learnt not to try and run away or lash out and fight back. Compared to them, you were tiny, fragile.

The worst part, however, had not been when they had impaled you with their ice cold cocks and filled you with their chilly seed, not the many bruises they had inflicted on you and not how they had made you bathe in a tub full of cold water and ice as a punishment or simply for their amusement but the many times they had injected you with their blood, watching you wither away.

They had told you many things—but they had never told you why they would attempt to break your body. Instead… they had simply done it.

It was short of a miracle you were not dead yet but if no one found you soon, then you would be.

Tony cursed quietly, earning himself a half-hearted scolding from Steve as he flew over the ocean, leading the quinjet to its first destination—Iceland. Natasha had been forced to switch off the routing signals. There was no need to give away their position, after all. What they had on their side was the element of surprise. That, and Loki’s ridiculous but unfortunately also very plausible plan.

Who was he to trust the one man who had caused his PTSD?

Once they had gotten suited up and ready to leave, for none of them wanted to lose any more time, he had stopped Loki with a scowl, grabbing his upper arm. The God of Mischief’s growl had been deadly.

“Why are you doing this, really?” Tony had inquired quietly. “Helping us, I mean. Surely not from the kindness of your heart…?”

Loki had had the audacity to smile—maliciously.

He trusted Thor—and if Thor believed that taking Loki on a mission and putting their lives into his hands was a good idea… he sighed. Loki had hoodwinked, betrayed and fooled his own brother quite a few times. No… it was still a bad idea and he doubted that he would make it out alive without having to kill Loki slowly at some point.

“What exactly are we looking for, Reindeer Games?” He started languidly after they had landed. Natasha was loading her guns—silent clicks echoing through the ice cold air—Bucky was adjusting his metal arm, Steve was fixing his shield and even Thor’s lightnings crackled through his new weapon. They all expected a fight upon their arrival and they were not entirely wrong.

The Frost Giants had left traces. It was almost beautiful. The rivers, houses, bushes, trees and streets, everything was frozen and glittering and glistening in the weak sunlight. Loki knew they must have established themselves a little empire and now abandoned it to hunt their next big prize.

“Look around you,” he explained impatiently. “Does this look like a battlefield to you? It is not. Mortals are no match for Jötuns and they knew this. Anything that is made of ice and moves—kill it. What we are searching for are their headquarters. A place for them to hide while the lower among them do the dirty work.” It did not sound much different from how Odin had ruled. Loki suppressed a scoff. It was a trait the dead king had passed on to his only biological son. He, Loki, was the brains, Thor was only the muscles. Some things would never change…

“So what do we do?” Wanda’s voice cut through the air, her Eastern European accent heavier than usual. He had by now noticed it did so whenever she was upset or nervous. Nothing Loki should be worried about as long as she kept her powers in control.

“We split up.” Thor announced loudly before Loki had a chance to reply. But yes. Working in solitude was what the God of Mischief had learned to prefer when the only person he could ever truly rely on was himself. Besides, upon an encounter with another Jötun, he would not have to dread turning all blue and monstrous in front of the Avengers—they mistrusted him as is.

There were no castles in Iceland, not really. But the God of Mischief, knowing exactly what to pay attention to, soon found what he was looking for. It was an old ruin, a former farm house—and it was the perfect place for starting an icy kingdom. The first of many places to find Jötun guards, councillors or even one of their leaders.

“I found something,” he announced dryly, still getting used to the little headset device that enabled him to communicate with the Avengers. “Stay where you are, I am going in first.”

“Hold on a second, Reindeer Games. What’s your location?”

But he had already turned the annoying piece of electronics off. It would only distract him, especially if he was forced to listen to Stark’s dull voice. Rolling his eyes, he approached the frozen farm house and pushed open the door, not even flinching when his skin made contact with the ice cold doorknob. Then, he stepped inside.

A/N: And so it begins...

If you enjoyed this chapter, would you consider buying me a coffee for the next? I’d appreciate your support so much! kofi.com/sserpente (or hit the ‘Support me’ button on my blog!)

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breg21 · 5 years

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Ladynoir Month: Identity Reveal

@ladynoirjuly2019

Ao3 FFN

*Sees the prompt for today* Well, if I must…..

Hang onto your hats, kids. We're going to have some fun with this one.

P.S SORRY THIS IS OUT LATE. WE HAD A STORM AND OUR POWER IS OUT (I'm on mobile, even though I really didn't wanna use my data) Ir's currently one in the morning and the heat is a pain.

"So, I had a thought."

Ladybug lifted her head just enough to rest her chin as she peered up at him through her lashes. "That's' a dangerous pastime."

He lifted his own head to look down from where she was cuddled into his side, looking back to the stars littered across the nighttime sky, he smirked. "I know."

She sighed, but went to put her head back on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Let's hear it. What have you been thinking about?"

He didn't beat around the bush. "I was thinking about what kind of house we're gonna have one day."

She giggled. "And what kind of house were you thinking about?"

He had been thinking about it a while now, actually. He knew his lady liked small, intricate things. Nothing big or flashy. But she needed enough room for her designing— he found out a while ago that she loved fashion— and he also knew she wanted a small family.

"A nice size house." He tapped on the tin roof beneath them as he answered easily enough. "Something similar like this one. Nothing too big or sophisticated. Just simple. But big enough for three kids." She hummed in agreement. "Maybe a connected designing studio for you to work in. Also, a close kit living room and dining room so we can have all our friends and family over for special occasions and all be close while we eat dinner."

His good mood must've been contagious, because she seemed to have caught it. "Don't forget a study of your own for when you go into whatever physics career that you do."

He smiled. They both found that whether it be a teacher, or something else, being in physics, something with it, was what he wanted to do. "Sounds good to me. What do you think, bugaboo."

"It sounds perfect. Absolutely perfect."

Just then he remembered something. "Oh, before I forget, I got us another ticket to see Jagged's next concert. Don't forget to raid the costume room."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. But nothing as ridiculous as before."

"Wouldn't dream of it, bugaboo."

----------------------------------------

For a time now, she and Chat had been running out of excuses as to why they couldn't be with the rest of the student's during the Akuma attacks and the easy answer was fear. Marinette had always been a timid person and her being, well a coward, fit her personality from an outside perspective.

While her friends didn't use that word, they did understand her certain quirks and the fact that they helped her devise ways of meeting up with her then crush, really drove the thought home that she wasn't one for standing up in the face of danger. The thing was she was starting to contradict that quirk a little bit thanks to one Lila.

She could not describe in words all that was wrong with that girl and while she knew there had to be some reason behind her actions, whether it was an untreated chemical imbalance, or the fact that she simply thought her actions didn't have any consequences, it made no difference to Marinette, she had to stand up to her.

And because of that, she couldn't use the excuse of cowardice anymore. She was stuck with having to come up with different ways to excuse herself from the class and while she knew some of those excuses were not perfect she never expected what came next.

Her best friend meeting her alone at her locker asking her the unthinkable. "Marinette, are you being blackmailed?"

She was shaken at the outlandish question. "What? What are you talking about?"

There was a hint of shame in Alya's eyes, yet she didn't back down trying her best to be understanding of whatever situation she thought her best friend was in. "Mari, the entire class has noticed you leaving during the Akuma attacks and while we used to just think you were afraid it's becoming more and more obvious that there is something different happening. While I don't like giving into rumors well…"

Rumors? There had been rumors going on about her? "What?" Her voice was meak seeing the pain on Alya's face.

"You are the only one besideds sunshine who has never been Akumatized and while I don't like the thought of it, things just don't add up."

She almost jumped back from what Alya was implying. "So what, do you think I'm being blackmailed by Hawkmoth so I don't get monsterfied! Alya where is this coming from, I mean what reason would I have to even be Akumatized?"

Alya simply shifted her head in the direction of Adrien's locker.

Marinette nearly shrieked. "I have a boyfriend!"

Alya looked away as Marinette's voice began to crack. "You know I have one, it's just-"

"Complicated," The blogger sighed. "Listen, girl. Me and all the other girls have been helping you for nearly a year to get Adrien and the moment he finds somebody else you just 'miraculously' gain a boyfriend. We spent so much time and effort in helping you, girl. The least you can do is open up to us because we get it. It has to be hard after all that time but no, you chose to lie to our faces."

It was like a slap to the face. A painful one. Without another word, she turned and ran to the only safe place she knew in the school. It was ironic really, where it was, seeing as who had given her the key.

Digging out the key to the costume room, she tried to get the key into the lock, but fumbled a few ties before it finally slid in and she heard the click of the doorknob. She twisted the knob and pushed the door open, quickly slamming the door behind her, and leaning her weight back against it.

It was then, and only then, did she take notice of the other person in the room when her heartbeat finally slowed and her breathing evened out.

Another person, as in, Adrien Agreste.

Well, okay then.

"Adrien." Her voice was still weak, and scratchy from crying, but she tried to put some volume behind it. "Hey, what're you doing here?"

He was the very definition of a deer caught in the headlights. "Oh, hey, Marinette." He moved away from the clothes rack of the costumes that were behind him. "I was just… looking for a pair of pants, I tore something with the ones I'm wearing, and I'm finding something to wear in the meantime." He leaned his elbow against the rack, as if he was trying to act cool, and innocent.

It was not working, whatsoever. He was definitely not a good liar.

Because his dad could easily send him a pair of pants, along with being able to fix the pair that was ripped in a blink of an eye. But he chose this as an excuse.

But, as much as she should, being in the mindset that she was, she just couldn't really bring herself to care at that second. There was too much piled on her head and she just wanted to be able to breathe at the moment. She just wanted to forget.

"Marinette, are you okay?"

And that was the question that broke her. No, no she wasn't okay. And she didn't quite know how to be okay after everything with Alya, because how did you get through something so tough with someone who was supposed to be your best friend. The one person you're supposed to trust the most.

She didn't know. She really didn't.

The sob came out in heavy hiccups as she fell to the floor, burying her head into her arms on her knees. No dam stood now, just the vulnerability and pain she had been dealing with because of Lila. It stung.

She didn't hear the approaching footsteps, but she felt the hand on her arm before Adrien tried to comfort her. "Mari. Shh. It's okay, I promise. It really is. You wanna tell me what's all going on?"

She choked back the sobs, but boy, did they want to come through. "T-they think." Another hiccup. "They think I'm lying, about where I am, about mu interge-dy." Hiccup. "And it all comes from becau-se they think I'm lying about having a boyfriend and being over you."

Through blurry eyes, she saw the outline of what resembled guilt. "I'm so sorry, Mari."

"Not your fault." She said, hardly any sound to her words. "They just don't get it. I've moved on, I needed to for me. I'm so happy with the guy I'm with. And they don't understand why I can't tell them about him, but they can't know. I want to tell them, I wish I could tell them bad. I need someone to talk to about him, and gush, and just get it all off my chest."

Her eyes began to clear as she wiped away the tears and could see him shift so that he now sat on his butt instead of his back hunches. "Some people just don't understand, and they never will. What's important is finding the people accept it. Even when it's hard."

A dry laugh clawed its way up her throat. "Yeah. I wish I could just confine in someone that would believe I could trust. Someone that doesn't doubt me when I say I have a boyfriend. It's hard to keep it bottled up."

"That's it, I'm gonna talk to Lila after school. It ends here." He continued to softly run her arm in what comfort he could give, and she really couldn't argue with that. "Well, if you want to, you could tell me who he is. No pressure, but if you need to let it out, I'm here. Always."

She shouldn't. It was dangerous, and could cause so many problems down the road. But she was hurting and tired. No one knew Ladybug and Chat were dating. It couldn't be tied to her at the moment with being Ladybug. And she just wanted to get it out. So, she did.

Inhaling a deep breath, she stood to full height. "You promise you won't tell anyone? Not a soul."

He zipped an imaginary line over his lips, showing that he would.

"Okay," she whispered, nodding. Bracing herself of what she was about to say, she pushed herself onto the tip of her toes, bring her mouth to his ears, as to make sure that there was no possibility that anyone else could hear. "It's Chat Noir."

Just as she dropped back to her feet, she was met with the gobsmacked expression, jaw nearly to the floor, eyes almost out of his head, probably at the fact that she was dating a superhero. Because she understood how shocking it was.

Just then, the bell decided to ring and she knew she had to get to class. "Thanks, Adrien. Remember, no one can know." She turned, feeling a million times better than before, and jetted off to her next class.

Only if she saw his still frozen form.

-------------------------------------------------

Chat knew Marinette wasn't a liar. He knew that. So, why did she claim that they were dating? Was she telling the truth?

I'm dating Chat Noir. She started dating a mysterious guy that she just couldn't talk about to anyone— even Alya.

Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he had died in the last akuma, because no way could he be lucky enough for this to be his reality. Just no way.

Because he was only dating one girl— she wouldn't make up stories, she just wouldn't— and if she was telling the truth, that could only mean one thing and his heart picked up and his palms began to sweat at the mere thought.

I'm dating Chat Noir. That necklace in her bag. The one she just seemed to keen on keeping it from anyone's watchful eye.

And his breathing was becoming too hard, as the swelling in his heart was starting to get too big for the confines of his chest. It was just too impos-

Arms came out of nowhere, and slipped around his waist. A soft, caring voice came from behind him. "Hey, kitty. What's wrong?"

I'm dating Chat Noir. Cats didn't like her and when she gave her excuses, as if she knew the exact reason, it was ultimately related because of her scent. So soon after he marked Ladybug.

If this was a dream in the end, he didn't want to wake up.

He choked. "H-hey, bugaboo. Nothing." But he wouldn't turn in her hold, his eyes couldn't meet hers, not after hearing something that he just couldn't unhear. He kept his face out to the city.

She temporarily unclasped her arm around him and moved to his side, and dropped to the ground, pulling him along with her. "I don't buy that for a second, Chat."

Chat sighed, he'd been caught. He knew she wouldn't believe his lie. He leaned into her, needing her touch for what he needed to say. "I don't know what to say exactly without spilling identities."

Her demeanor didn't change. Still soft, tender, and caring as she was. "I'm not worried about identities anymore, kitty. Not as much as I was. I talked to Master Fu. If you need to talk about something, then please do."

Something in him just sparked. Because if she talked to Master Fu about identities, that meant something big, and the way they talked about it hinted, that just maybe she wanted to know. She wanted to reveal.

And as much as she always said— and he believed her one hundred percent— it was more of physical proof that she wanted him for a long long time.

Just maybe forever.

He didn't realize he was spacing out on her until she was waving her hand in front of his face. "Chat. C'mon. What's all going on?"

He didn't know how to even go about this. How did one even start a conversation about identities and of the such, because that was so different from the rest of all the other times? It was real, and here, and it wasn't going away.

He pulled away momentarily, climbing to his feet to look out onto the city so he could actually collect his thoughts before he spoke. "What if I told you, I overheard a couple people talking today in school?" His words weren't loud, he couldn't put the energy into them.

Even without looking at her, he could tell by her tone that she was confused. "Okay….and why does that have you down exactly?"

Everything that he had been denying up until this point was resurfacing and he couldn't deny at how utterly stupid he felt.

Should he? Shouldn't he. He wasn't sure, but he did anyway. "She said she was dating me. As in Chat."

He heard her breath hitch, and it made him brave enough to turn and face her, to face this. When his uncertain gaze meant her shaky one, it was an answer all in its self. "Sh-she did...well, um..who?" She asked in a meak whisper.

He wouldn't lie to her nor could he keep this from her if his thoughts were true. He owed her that much, and he hadn't done it on purpose, he didn't mean to find out her possible identity without her actually telling him.

But the guilt was still simmering in the pit of his gut. She had every right to know now that he did.

Air was dwindling to none. "Marinette. Marinette Dupain Cheng said we were dating." He stalked forward, shortening the distance between them, every inch by inch until finally, they were nose to nose. "I know she's not a liar. Nor would she make up something as serious as dating a superhero. That's not who she is. She's amazing and kind, and selfless."

She blinked. "Oh."

The air may have been thin, but he could still chuckle somewhat. "And I'm hoping to every kwami in existence that what she said was real." His tongue went to wet his dry lips. "So, please, bugaboo. Tell me what she said was real. Please tell me I'm dating Marinette."

A few beats. Longer seconds that they should've been. It was more of an eternity than anything he had ever experienced.

She was shell shocked, that much he could tell. But she answered his question. "Yeah, kitty." Her words breathless, but coherent. "You're dating Marinette."

In a flash of pink light, Marinette stood in Ladybug's stead. She was obviously trying to make herself look small, hiding in her own body with her nerves screaming at her, because this was still a scary and unknown situation, but she still held her want of the reveal on her shoulders.

It took only a fraction of a second for him to realize that he had been right, and proceeded to grab her by the waist, and spun her in tiny little dizzy circles. He could hear her laugh, that laugh that he so often heard every day and didn't know, and it was so amazing.

It was like hearing it all over again for the very first time.

She was telling him to put her down, but it was between laughter, and there was no firmness to her words, so he continued. He couldn't get enough of the smell of sweets, vanilla, and baked goods that he had for so long associated with Ladybug. How could he had not seen it before, it was so clear.

Her laugh, her personality, heck, her looks. Those ocean blue eyes that he loved more than anything in the world. Everything that made Ladybug, came from Marinette, and it made him giddy.

When he finally calmed down, he settled Marinette back on her feet, but refused to let her go from his hold. Her grin had to be as big as his, if not more so, and he loved her more in that moment than he ever had before.

"It's you." and before she could respond, his lips were on hers, hard, fierce, but brimming with love. He was scattered brain, that much he could connect in his head, but when she started to kiss back after the initial shock of him kissing her in the first place, he couldn't really care.

It was her, his brain chanted over an over until it hurt, but it was nice. Because he could smell him on her and it drove his heart absolutely mad with happiness. He wanted this, her, this moment, and the rest that they would create together later on.

When he finally pulled back from her lips— a challenging act all on its own— he was rewarded with the sight of bruised rosy lips, eyes half lidded, and definitely thoroughly kissed. By him.

Through her short little pants for breath, she said, "Well, that was an excited greeting." She giggled to show she held no menace in her words. "So," her finger tips gently touched the edge of his mask. "Do I get to see who you are under the mask?"

That was when the rest of the situation hit hard. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more to the point where he was crying. It was so ironic.

But, unfortunately, she took that as a bad sigh. "Unless, I mean, you don't want me to know…."

He stopped before he could make another sound so he corrected his mistake. "No. No, princess. I didn't mean it like that at all."

"Oh?" Her eyebrow arched, clearly still suspicious. "Then what did you mean?"

"We're a mess." He put simply. "A beautiful, chaotic mess. And I'm pretty proud of that if I'm being honest."

Without a seconds hesitation— his arms still wrapped around her with an iron grip— his own transformation drops, and he watched as her face went from curiosity, suspension, and eagerness, to shock, mind blown, and finally, ecstatic happiness.

And, boy, did that make him feel whole.

"So." She said. "That's how you knew."

He nodded before letting his forehead fall onto hers. "Yeah, that's how I knew. Kinda lied about the whole overheard part, sorry."

Eyes shining with unleashed tears, her hands went up to lightly trace his jaw in awe, as if she didn't believe what was before her. "It's fine, kitty."

Kitty. He was still her kitty.

He loved that. "Guess that means we're finally done dancing around each other, huh?"

"Yeah." She shrugged without much thought, but the smile was still very much real. "But I guess that just proves my point even further."

He could hear the challenge, and he took the bait like a catfish to a worm. "Oh?" His eyes narrowed. "And what point would that be."

She booped his nose. "I'll always find you, kitty." She pushed herself up, letting their lips connect in an almost slow meet, but before she did, whispered. "Always."

AND THERE WE GO.

I can't go to bed because I gotta watch over the animals until the powers back on, so that means I actually have time to catch up on comments.

Please enjoy my one am morning brain. It's gonna be fun. Lots of love!

#ladynoirjuly2019 #LadyNoir #ml #mlb #miraculous ladybug #love square

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howaminotinthestrokesyet · 4 years

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Guns n’ Roses: A Reassessment

I recently started to listen to Guns N’ Roses again in depth for the first time in a long time. I also started reading a book on the band by Stephen Davis, who wrote Hammer of the Gods about Led Zeppelin. He is quoted as saying that GNR only actually made one good album, Appetite for Destruction. This caused me to go back and reflect upon their other albums besides Appetite for Destruction. I began to agree with him that this band really did not make anything of real overall value after the release of their EP, Lies, as far as rock and roll goes. Use Your Illusion I and II were actually in retrospect very average. The question immediately emerged in my mind why did this happen and how did GNR get away with it for so long.

First, Izzy Stradlin left the band immediately upon the completion of Use Your Illusion. This point cannot be understated because he was probably the band’s most talented songwriter, even more so than Axl Rose. He was being marginalized primarily by Rose for creative control over the group’s content. They were trying to reduce his royalties for publishing on Appetite for Destruction. Now, his fingerprints were all over that album and their EP Lies. In contrast, he only contributed to five songs on each Illusion album. The one thing I will say is that Stradlin had mentally checked out of the band at that point. He knew he was probably leaving. In my opinion, the rhythm guitarist did not put his best effort forward in helping create those two albums. This was not a case of him trying to do it out of spite completely, but also Rose had become so ridiculous in his controlling behavior that it really was not worth fighting a losing battle. Added to that, Stradlin had recently become sober finally quitting heroin. At the end of his tenure, he did not even travel with the band, but instead Izzy always took a separate plane. As you look back at the first album, one of the things that Stradlin excelled at was being able to craft a hard rock song that had a faster tempo. In contrast, Rose was really good at writing a ballad, but not so much at writing a song that required a more complex structure. I guess it might seem somewhat surprising Rose would treat Stradlin this way because the latter was the reason that Axl came out to Los Angeles in the first place. Yet, if you know anything about the singer, then it really is not that surprising. This leads into the next point quite nicely.

Second, Axl Rose’s ego had hijacked everything to do with the band. They had become more of a backup band for Rose as he decided everything. Two examples show this to be true. Number one, by the mid-1990s everyone in the band who was an original member had either been fired or quit. Second, the decision by the band to follow Rose’s vision for all the music videos as part of Use Your Illusion. The videos are bizarre, vague, confusing, ridiculous, and pretty much make absolutely no sense. The band was no longer any sort of collaboration, but instead it was the Axl Rose show 24/7. One thing about Rose in all of this was that he would do anything to get his way and compromise was never an option. The guy probably should have been seeing a psychiatrist, which is how crazy some of his behavior has come across as over the years. Everyone in the music business had enabled him because of his talent for a long time, and this goes back to even before Guns N’ Roses was a band. For the most part, one of the things that Rose spent almost the next 20 years doing was proving that he could make just as good an album without the help of Stradlin. To his credit, the former rhythm guitarist did say in an interview that he did feel that Chinese Democracy was a good album. Most of the critics really did like the album as well, but the problem was he spent too much time making it. I believe that also shows how mentally unhinged Rose is when it comes to the real world and what is acceptable. Please note for the purpose of this article that 2008 album is not included because it was essentially a solo album.

Third, the question now becomes as to why the rest of the band allowed this kind of control to happen. The simple answer is the rest of the band was addicted to drugs. They went along with Rose because in their minds that was the most effective way to keep the money rolling in and maintain their habit. To his credit, Rose never did have any kind of drug problem. Maybe it would have helped. This is probably why there is such a stark difference between the older stuff from 1987 left over they put on the album and the newer compositions. People forget that the songs “Don’t Cry” and “November Rain” were written before the first album. The band really did not make any significant song that hit it off with the public after that album. I have used this word before, but essentially for the most part they made filler material. I did not realize this until I watched one of the concerts from the Use Your Illusion tour. Besides some of the ballads, the other songs are really average. I will not go as far as to say they are bad, but the overriding quality of them is ordinary. They probably should not have done two albums, but instead created one album with the best songs or even an album that consisted of ballads. Guns n’ Roses had already used up all of the good material prior to the first album. The other reason that Rose’s takeover of the band was allowed emerges in the fact that these guys were really not that good of friends anyway. Evidence of this comes in the dismissal of drummer, Steven Adler, as well as the treatment of Stradlin. You would think that one member of the band would have defended them in either situation, but that did not happen. Simply put, these guys had been thrown together out of several bands because that is just the way things were in LA at the time. People switched bands like it was nothing at all in the mid-1980s on Sunset Strip. Due to the fact they were all from different bands, this probably meant to a certain extent that they only had a certain loyalty to themselves.

Fourth, the final reason may come as a surprise knowing the history of the band, but it was the dismissal of Steven Adler. The decision to fire him changed the way the band sounded when they brought in Matt Sorum. The latter was technically a better drummer, but for some reason they simply did not sound the same as they did on Appetite for Destruction. This is all the more ironic because serious consideration was given to not allowing Adler to be the drummer for that album. This did not mean they intended to fire him completely, but only use him at the live shows. I guess what it comes down to is the reason why use Use Your Illusion was not as good as its predecessor comes in the fact that the band changed everything about the process. If you change everything, then you cannot possibly expect to create the same work. The band was also much too naïve including Rose to believe that they could create something as good as that first album again. I do not throw the word around much, but based on everything that I have read about this band during the time leading up to that first album...they got lucky. This was the type of luck that you possibly see in Rumors by Fleetwood Mac. A band is in the midst of a completely stressful environment and somehow by dumb chance in a way create something great. I guess lightning does not strike twice when you create conditions that make it practically impossible for such a thing to occur.

Guns N’ Roses has always been about image. That is my takeaway from all of this. They have produced this image of being these bad ass rock ‘n’ roll geniuses, but essentially it is all style, with the only substance being that one album. They have ridden off the coattails of Appetite for Destruction for the rest of their career. If you go back to the time when that first album was released, you will hear in many interviews how adamant the band was about their rock ‘n’ roll DNA. Looking back at these Use Your Illusion albums, they betrayed every single one of those statements by the absolute overload of too many ballads and underwhelming songs on the two works. I was thinking about going to see them live for a reunion tour, but that is not going to happen whatsoever. I am not going to pay $200 to hear essentially nine or 10 songs. Additionally, Axl Rose is really a shell himself, overweight with no voice. They fooled the world with all of their drama to make people think that we are missing out on a band better than Led Zeppelin or Aerosmith. Both Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith made more than one good album. For years, people lived with a misconception that Slash needed to amend his friendship with Axl. Once again, we were deceived by the band if you were thinking about hearing any new good material. If you wanted anything hat was just as good as their early stuff, then he should have been talking to Izzy Stradlin instead. And so it goes.

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mutualhighmaintenancemachin-blog · 5 years

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I need a fix cus I'm going down

Made the mistake of appraising myself sufficiently healthy to attend a bonfire with normal decent tax-payer type folks. Stood up too fast in my chair and blacked out completely, hit my head on concrete. When I came to i had no earthly fucking memory of having driven to the bonfire, nor could i really recall the names of the three concerned hipsters perched over my limp doughy abscessed jaundiced shit heap of a body. Told them it was a problem with blood sugar, i had forgotten to imbibe my afternoon orange juice! Translation-haven’t slept in four days, taking in roughly two hundred calories a day all in ginger ale. Meth heads opt to sustain themselves on a diet of paranoid resentment in lieu of proteins and grains. The cook gets super spun and lectures us like we’re babes about the dark leftist forces presently waging war on the masculinity of the white man-for one thing, he's convinced that jews run the porn industry and that fucking pornhub is riddled with overtures both overt and subliminal intended to brainwash white guys into identifying as weak and feminine and to associate men of color with heroism and strength. He also believes that soy causes gender dysphoria. All of these batshit crazy delusions act like stars in the broad constellation of the cooks worst dystopian fears-a workforce with no room left for traditionally male-centered leadership characteristics dominated from top-down by a host of future ladies who make their trade in creative collaboration, rather than fear and theft of other peoples ideas. Without a need for a provider, our nazi-bespectacled methamphetamine cook envisions a new sexual economy in which women will jettison their attachments to the family structure in favor of like, industrialism, i guess, and men will have no other resort but a desperate turn to cross-dressing and dick-taking and i guess maybe stitching scarves. It was at this point that i was really tempted to tell the cook something he needs to hear-if you really believe that large shadow societies are orchestrating history just cus they want to make you some dudes boyfriend, its probably cus part of you wants to be. I get that, sucking dick is a blast. if you’re terrified that you can’t compete in a post-modern job market, it might just be because you aren’t. There’s no place left for cowboys or outlaws or methcooks cus those professions only make sense in the context of an insanely violent frontier. You feel obsolete and useless because you are, but make no mistake, that hurt has nothing to do with the world everything to do with your soul being severely malnourished. I know cus mine is too! Real moral christian courage is showing up to your crucifixion with a smile on your face ready to graciously thank the romans for every nail they put through your wrist. You feel empty because your a paranoid fascist meth cook, i feel bad cus I'm a junkie. We are bad. The nazi pilots who blitzed france in two sleepless, speed-fueled nights probably felt fucking fantastic, as if they were aloft on the trade winds of history itself and their momentum across europe must have seemed like proof enough of the moral righteousness of the german cause. But then the morning comes and the meth wears off and your skin smells like piss and your back aches and you can’t stop grinding your jaw and the first wave of survivors begin to trickle out from the camps and presumably in that moment a few nazis had the epiphany-that the very same starved beaten traumatized jewish women and men and children they had aspired to extinguish from human memory were now going to tell the story of what had happened. Power loses, grace is its own kingdom, etc etc. Furthermore those german officers who managed to transition back to civilian life and start families must have experienced a very strange new parental dynamic-can you imagine a family at a dinner table and the proud head of household instructs his small son to finish his vegetables and after pausing to mull it over for a few moments his son turns to him and says Father having thought about it a great deal i don’t think ill be following your instructions-after all you were only following instructions yourself when you helped to engineer the greatest cruelty in human history! To which ostensibly the father mumbles to clear his throat and asks his wife to pass the potato salad. Not even to invoke the possibility that the Fuhrer himself Mr. Adolph Hitler probably died surrounded by a swarm of shadow people, fucking hilarious just the thought, him yelling in that distinctive manic patois of his that he’s the leader and the abeyance of his will is sacrosanct blah blah blah while the little invisible mites under his pale skin shift and swell and scratch and the shadow people dancing around his peripheral vision taunting and cajoling and ridiculing him and the absurdity of his final solution and because he didn’t know speed the way we now know speed he probably didn’t know anything about the shadow people at all from his perspective they might just as well have been the ghosts of his victims come to taunt and ridicule him in his lowest hour pointing and laughing and daring him to pull the trigger!

The same entitlement motivates the mass shooter who imagines a world full of seven billion perfect strangers as an attack on his rightful pursuit of happiness. No one will sleep with him and he can’t make sense of his place in a world built on fucking so he begins to indulge in fantasies of coercion, revenging himself on the very public space he so craved Now if our hypothetical douchebag had any pretense of self-awareness he might have looked into the possibility of adopting several dogs, and in turn coming to see his life as a story about caring unconditionally for animals. That’s a helluva life-Saint Francis got into the catholic hall of fame for doing not a whole lot more. Or perhaps he could adjust his expectations of intimacy in consideration of the countless plain-to middling-to ugly folks who are forced to come to terms with the truth early on that all of our bodies are grotesque and hideously deformed billboard advertisements for our big beautiful impossibly dense souls-come see a kernel of divine inspiration made self-aware, shimmering in the glory of creation, just two exits past the tits and chin and ankles and all the rest of our faulty parts.

Now a discerning reader(however unlikely you’d be to find one in an audience consisting of absolutely fucking nobody lol) might have already begun to detect a certain heady strain of hypocrisy in this authors conclusion. Because while I'm not much of anything the one thing i certainly am is a self-destructive drug addict. So maybe its one thing for me to make fun of the cook for his wrath-filled flu-stricken infants tantrum of a way of viewing the world, assigning to his solipsism a generation-hopping solidarity with his nazi forefathers who came before and identifying in his politics the germinal seed of fascisms future, a politics so personal and self-contained that every divorce will be debated as if it were a stand in for larger cultural decay, every morning hangover a portent of spiritual decline, the vitals of the stock market remeasured and reassessed each time someone finds on the sidewalk a loose dollar bill. Political assemblies with real largesse exclusively devoted to trolling the instagram of a nebraskan man named doug’s now ex-wife for pictures of her maui vacation with husband number two drinking mojitos on a beach with sand bleached white as bone and both of them grinning with surgical precision an opulent almost confrontational kind of public grinning Doug couldn't recall that bitch ever having felt for him and the kids off playing in the surf and well how could any concerned and conscientious citizen fail to see the basic threat to democracy that whole scene represents? Donald Trump is probably the loneliest man in the world. He’s never met another person. He spends his time wandering the halls of his head checking for reoccurrences of his own reflection, a lifetime spent pathologically re-telling the same story about how he came to be the most powerful person in the world, so that by the time he really became who he had always pretended to be, the most influential figure in the free world, he had long-since bought into his own fraud to such a great extent that even the real thing couldn’t compare. Only a selfishness and self-centeredness as grandiloquent as his could explain the mindset of the modern mass shooter and the micro-politics informing him. He confuses his head for the world and then becomes enraged when it won’t do as he wishes, cursing the rain for its cold lash against his shoulder where he’d rather there have rested warm summer glow, furious at the thought of all the people he would never meet in far-off places he would never see who never paid him any attention whatsoever. Playing peek-a-boo a little bit of cheating peer through chubby fingers arrayed like a geisha’s fan and for the first time see that objects don’t disappear without our gaze to ontologically anchor them to earth. What a hurt. Now it might be technically correct that my addiction does to my loving family what the selfishness of the mass shooter does to public space. It intrudes like an alien thing and turns the air chilly in our childhood home and it transforms the medicine cabinet into a contested territory in need of defensive fortification and now that Cassies marriage has crashed on the rocks of addiction nobody could blame her if she never allowed another addict to darken her doorstep again and there was the sight of Jan opening my trucks passenger side door and a few rigs fell out onto the floor and all the spoons in the house have one side burnt-and-bruised like a black-eye you say you got from falling down a flight of stairs despite body language that says something entirely else why is it we don’t have a single spoon in the house what ghost spends all night punching the walls full of holes

recently went to an Alanon meeting to sneak a glimpse of how the other half lives...this lady said my addiction is to loving my addict. Bawled rivers out from red raw-rubbed rubber eyes and said my addiction is to my addict Not her person or qualifier or partner but her addict. Syntax almost seeming to suggest that something about the existential plight of the addict gets her intoxicated dizzy on pain. It’s quaint though cus that sort of sentiment is for fucking rookies-guarantee you no ones crying over me like a romantic. Not anymore. My thing these days is of a distinctly more shakespearian strand of tragedy, with wittgenstein and derrida’s influences also undeniable. I’m sick now in a way where people stop crying and praying you’ll find God and change and decide instead it’d be easier to just cross the street. Schizophrenics lost in a chorus meant only just for them, apocalyptic street preachers who stand on soap boxes while reeking of shit and give voice to visions of an America not our own, an alternate dimension where european arrival at the shores of the new world stalled out somewhere halfway across the pacific ocean on a wave so tall it scraped the heavens and America grew up a nation of nomads who set their watches to the rumbling migration of herds of buffalo and not even the highest priest could dream of a more beautiful idea than that of motion, movement without cease, the only acceptable fixed still frozen property being the burial mounds where the dead went after all their motion had gone-if they could view us on the other side of the looking glass stolen away in our own personal homes they would almost certainly come to the conclusion that this place where we live is just the land of the dead, a negative photograph of everything vital and good. Who would i be to disagree though, right?

The point is anyway that some alchemical reaction of A. Mental illness and B. Amphetamine abuse has more or less stranded me in words. Verbs and nouns and adjectives and adverbs in place of sky and grass. What Fredric Jameson called the prison house of language. Where derrida’s difference goes to play for eternity, never quite meaning what it had meant to say. What shook wittgenstein speechless. The president’s rhetoric so hollow that you can almost see him suffering a kind of dementia or spiritual torpor that results from the badness of his faith. Chewing and chomping consonants and sounds till they all are made to mush and shearing syllable after syllable off the network of signification until all that’s left is one satellite pinging a distress call hello is anyone there off of its own side. It’s own side like Adam plucked Eve from his rib and said put on this dress-after they ate the fruit and God cast him/her out to walk the world alone reportedly God said have fun all alone you worthless slut. Imagine trumps final state of the union-i am very sick, i have been alone for as long as I can remember, i wish i hadn’t lied so often, i wish i had occasionally told the truth, i would trade all of it to have known just one person.

Anyways, barring that miracle of political theater, the body gets sick and dissolves while the spirit is lost in words. I’d like to die in a bathroom stall in haughville with a rig stuck in my arm and the words I'm sorry stuck at the tip of my tongue and God decides to show some compassion and makes me a deal says you were never much good to people didn’t believe in a thing but you sure could do some impressive vomiting up of nonsense words and so what ill do is your soul will dissolve and turn into ink and for the rest of eternity you’ll be a naughty joke or a half-scribbled doggerel scrawled on the wall of a piss-soaked bathroom stall in the ghetto or you could say call this number here for a good time and don’t forget to ask for large marge and nobody’d ever suspect you were trapped in there or maybe a joke like this favorite of mine about my son it goes something like Jesus Christ was a God-awful carpenter, couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. Christ was a God-awful, couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. Couldn't pull a nail. Christ was God-awful. Couldn’t nail his own couldn’t save a carpenter terrible couldn’t pull god-awful a terrible carpenter he couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. I can’t pull this nail to save my own life. It’s right there sticking out of my wrist, but for whatever reason I just can’t find the right words to pull it out he was a carpenter who couldn’t pull a nail even if his life depended on it couldn't save his own life he couldn't-

For a good time call this number 1-555-555-5555 and don’t forget to ask for-

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zoltanberrigomo · 7 years

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The Incompetent Witcher, Chapter 5

With trial and error comes expertise. Thyssen soon understood that the ghost sightings, which at first glance seemed as much a feature of the city as its landscape, had four principal causes. The first was, of course, the need to explain away the unintended outcomes of erotic encounters. The boys from the academy, most of them naturally mischievous; the rowdy soldiers who always seemed to be passing through the town; the streets full of maids and servants, many quite lovely, usually wearing tatters which left little to the imagination -- all of this had exactly the outcome one would expect.

But there were also more mundane causes. One Thyssen had already encountered on his way to Oxenfurt -- loose paneling. A series of wooden planks, not perfectly aligned, will produce a wide-berthed sound in a strong gale, a noise that will change as fast as the wind. You may laugh at this, reader, but I assure you there was no shortage of men who managed to read otherworldly warnings into these sounds.

It was not enough, in such cases, to make some noise and emerge having declared victory, for the problem would only reappear. The loose board had to be found and nailed shut; better yet, it could be broken entirely, perhaps as an unavoidable consequence of the “battle” with the ghosts, forcing the client to fix it at his own expense.

The third cause, which took Thyssen quite a bit of effort to unearth, was a species of magical mold. This mold sparkled and shimmered beautifully in the light of a full moon, and only in the light of a full moon. This damnable fungus caused a minor smirch on Thyssen’s reputation, as several places that he had declared free of ghosts teemed with reported sightings later, the glowing moonlight transformed into Gods-know-what kind of monsters. After many failed experiments, Thyssen brought some samples to a few of the washerwomen who made their living on the outskirts of the city, and a cleaning solution which handled it satisfactorily was found.

But the last cause, if it can even be called that, was the most difficult one of all. All over the city, men cheated, stole, and betrayed each other; many a mage was burned at the stake; nonhumans were hanged on the words of their neighbors, the same neighbors who would later appropriate the posessions of the deceased. Historians would later draw an arbitrary line in their chronologies and declare, here began the Age of Contempt . Yet even the most evil of men is not bereft of a conscience. It may be hidden, suppressed, out of sight, but it is there, lying in wait to take some tangible form, perhaps that of a ghost come for revenge. Thyssen could nail shut a floorboard or wash away mold but what could he do to relieve a guilty conscience?

“She looks at us when we sleep,’’ the townswoman said. Her name was Eliza and her husband, a prosperous and portly fur merchant named Petrus, sat beside her; their voices, though tightly controlled, seemed to be on the verge of an explosion. A few servants were standing mutely at the entrances.

“Looks at you?”

“I see her pale white form when I wake up. It dissolves into mist just as I open my eyes.”

“Sometimes I hear her footsteps in the garden,” Petrus added. “She used to love walking there when she lived. I hear footsteps but the garden is empty whenever I open the door.”

“And then there are my cups,” Eliza continued. “I’ll be carrying a tray when she’ll knock it out of my hands. I can feel her touch on me, the coldness of her hands. She hated my cups. Too floral, she always said.”

They were speaking of Eliza’s sister and Petrus’ former wife, for the two persons were one and the same. The three of them had lived together for a decade before Eliza’s sister perished in the Catriona plague, and Eliza married her former brother-in-law a year later.

Thyssen thought it over. He had already inspected the house -- no mold, no loose flooring. He had first supposed the footsteps could be the work of neighboring kids; but the garden was too steeply walled. His medallion did not give off even a hint of vibration as he walked from room to room.

He could, of course, make some noise and declare the ghost banished. No doubt all would be well for a time; but the guilty consciences of the people in front of them would give rise to another sighting soon enough and then he would have a very unhappy client on his hands.

He might declare himself powerless. The merchant had offered him a hundred orens to take care of the problem, and though he would be sorry to lose them, his long-term reputation was more important.

His thoughts turned to a group of monks he saw walking through the town gate the prior afternoon. A new order of the Church of the Eternal Fire whose name he could not recall. The monks were clothed in only their loincloths, their emaciated bodies cut to and fro by long gashes, self administered with the whips they carried about them. Some of the wounds were still bloody. The procession made for quite a sight, evincing as much wonder as disgust as the monks proudly paraded their wounds.

And yet what Thyssen remembered the most were the beatific smiles of the men in the procession. Even as the townspeople jeered and laughed, and as some threw rotten food at the procession, the monks never wavered, and the expressions of utter, complete, rapturous happiness never disappeared from their faces.

Making up his mind, he made a gesture as if to stretch. Channeling his energy as best he could, Thyssen poured all of his efforts into his aard.

Across a hall, an empty coat stand which had been leaning precariously toppled over with a sharp clang.

“It’s her!” Eliza and her husband rose to their feet in a panic. “It must be.”

“Leave the house,” Thyssen said, trying to make his voice calm yet laden with a detectable undertone of panic. The couple did not need to be told twice. “Take the servants with you,” he added as an afterthought, but they were already out the door with the servants on their heels.

Within moments, he was alone. He stood in silence for several moments, just in case someone was still inside the house; but he heard nothing, only the faint creaking of wood in the autumn wind. Walking through the rooms, careful to check that he could not be seen through any of the windows, he made a effort to to make it seem as if a fight had taken place here: cups strewn on the floor, books tossed everywhere, curtains ripped apart. As was his habit by now, he inflicted a few minor injuries on himself, small bruises and cuts that made him look suitably frazzled.

And then he sat still. After an hour, he ventured outside, where a circle of onlookers had gathered.

“Did you defeat it?”

“Are we safe?”

He motioned the couple to follow him inside the house, away from the prying ears of the crowd.

“I’m afraid not,” he replied.

He could see their faces fall. Impatiently, they led him to one of the guest rooms deep inside the house where they could talk privately.

“We fought for a good while,” Thyssen said, “but she was simply too strong. Too powerful.” He shook his head. “Never have I met a ghost this well-formed, not in my..." he paused "...many years of witchering. ”

“Perhaps we ought to employ a more powerful witcher,” Petrus said sharply. “Someone who has been witchering, as you say, for a little while longer."

“If you wish,” Thyssen answered calmly. "If any other man drives away the ghost, I won't take for a single oren from you, I assure you."

He let the silence linger for a while. "You see,” he finally continued, “we had a conversation." He stopped for effect. They were both looking at him with wide eyes and open mouths. Just as he saw they were about to bombard him with questions, he went on.

“We sparred until our energies drained, until it was clear that neither of us could defeat the other. It was only then that she looked me up-and down and began to speak.”

He turned to the merchant. "She..the ghost that is...it said that you betrayed her. That you never loved her, not truly."

“Ridiculous!” Petrus retorted angrily. “Twelve years we were together.”

"She said," Thyssen continued, "that you were eyeing her sister the whole time."

"Lies," the merchant said, but Thyssen noticed that his outrage seemed to diminish somewhat.

"She accuses both of you of sneaking behind her back for years."

The couple shared an anxious glance before Eliza spoke. “It is not true, master witcher, I assure you. If anything, it was the grief that brought us together. When she had passed away...”

She left her sentence hang in the air.

“I argued with her on your behalf,” Thyssen said. “Assured her of your good will. But she would not believe me. "

Eliza put her hands over her face and looked as if she were about to start sobbing. Wary of overdoing it, Thyssen jumped to the bombshell he had prepared.

"But, in the end, we struck an agreement."

That provoked a reaction; for a moment, the couple seemed speechless.

"I told her that your love was genuine and free of ill will. I apologize for the presumption, kind ser," Thyssen added, for indeed it was unclear from what source he would have obtained such a conviction. "But I have much experience with ghosts, and rest assured, it was the right course to take."

"In the end," Thyssen said, "she set her conditions. You are to separate for a year." He turned to the merchant. "You shall remain here in Novigrad, while you, madam, shall spend the year alone at one of your country estates. The two of you must have no contact whatsoever during that time. If you find yourself still in love at the end of the year, your sister will be able to pass into the nether world in peace."

"A year?" said the merchant unhappily, twirling his mustache. But his wife had the opposite reaction.

"But that is wonderful," she exclaimed, putting her hands together. "A year is nothing, nothing at all!"

"Do you think so, my dear?" Petrus said skeptically.

“There is more, I’m sorry to say,” Thyssen continued. “You must both take a vow of silence for the last two weeks of that year. You may communicate only with gestures during that time.”

“Impossible,” Petrus declared, and even Eliza looked taken aback. The merchant a quick mental calculation. “A year takeaway two weeks puts us during the time of the fall harvest, the most lucrative time of my trade.”

“I’m afraid,” Thyssen said in the most apologetic tone he could muster, “the ghost’s terms were not negotiable.”

“Very well,” Eliza said with a gleam of determination as her husband let loose a string of curses. “We’ll do it, darling, won’t we?”

There followed a lengthy and somewhat agonizing discussion. Thyssen had remained silent at first, then coughed gently and moved out of earshot to an adjoining room. He left several hours later, a hundred orens richer, with the household’s servants already starting to pack Eliza’s effects for a lengthy sojourn in the country.

He poured himself a drink when he had arrived home that evening, a strong Mahakan ale that lulled him into a pleasant state of contentment. Did he just save or destroy a marriage? Should he have said six months instead of a year? How much suffering should people be expected undergo for love? Eventually, he managed to convince himself that nothing easily obtained feels truly valuable; that the couple’s inner demons can only be banished through hardship; and that if their love cannot survive a year’s separation, it was worth little to begin with and he would have done them both a favor. Comforted by these arguments, he finally fell into a light asleep, and on waking up the next morning, groggy and with a minor hangover, he resolved that doubting his decision would produce no good, and he would not dwell on the matter again.

Reader, I suspect only your politeness restrains you from accusing me of lamentably poor organization. I am not unconscious that, having launched into an account of Thyssen’s experience as a witcher, I may have neglected to clarify a number of key points. Where did Thyssen live? Did he long to return to Kaer Morhen? Did he obtain any comrades, traveling companions, or won the heart of a fair damsel? To these pressing questions I now turn.

Thyssen’s first impulse was to take rooms in the cheapest inn in town, The Red Lion, which in spite of the regal-sounding name turned out to be an overgrown hut a half-hour past the city walls. The chief thing to recommend it was that the proprietor could be bargained to a mere half-oren a week. But, on reflection, Thyssen decided that an appearance of poverty would not do. One had to spend money to make money. Instead he took rooms in an inconspicuous tavern just past the western gate at two orens a day, clean, sturdy, with a clientele largely composed farmers who came to the city to bargain away their crops.

Fortunately there was no shortage of jobs for Thyssen, and as I have already began to detail, and he soon embarked on a veritable one-man spree to rid the city of its ghostly infestation. Within a few weeks, flush with an influx of coin, he rented a few rooms at the top of the Duke of Bann Glean, a fancier establishment of the sort frequented by passing merchants. Although more expensive, the owner allowed him to unfurl a banner which, as it flopped to-and-fro in the wind, advertised his services to all who went by.

His fame grew, buoyed by a string of apparent successes. He received a fair amount of commissions for witcher’s work unrelated to ghosts; many came to him with requests to banish ghouls, drowners, barghests, and other marvelous beasts which prowled about freely during those chaotic times. Naturally he sent them all away, either naming outrageously high prices, or pleading that he had too much work as things stood. If a customer did, perchance, agree to his extravagant price, he would then demand the fee in advance; if even that failed, a bit of “research” on his part would reveal dangers in the assignment previously unrealized, leading to a massive increase in the asking price. One way or another, he managed to restrict himself to ghost-related work without seeming to arouse suspicion.

His services steadily grew more expensive. If at first he had served mainly the fishermen on the wharf and the peasants who labored on the city’s outskirts, his clients were now predominantly merchants who did business within the city. A few even came from the aristocracy. In spite of this, when he took stock of his finances at the end of each week, it was clear that he was not growing wealthy fast enough to realize his dream of a vineyard in Toussaint. For he did not abandon his dream; on the contrary, as he heard travelers passing through Oxenfurt full of nothing but superlative praise for that land, Toussaint had grown in his imagination to almost mythic proportions.

Reader, I will not disparage Oxenfurt, or any other Redanian city for that matter. The writings that have passed to us from that time make it clear that the city, although small, dirty, full of beggars, beset by cold and rainy weather, and with bandits prowling its outskirts, was nevertheless charming and beautiful. Travelers often remarked on her streets, paved with uneven bricks; her expansive and wide squares; the labyrinthine maze of red roofs that shone so brightly in the summer their glare could be seen from mountains away. And yet, for some inexplicable reason entirely mysterious to me, Thyssen remained unsatisfied with his lot.

What it was that he wanted, I very much doubt he could say himself; and yet these hopes and dreams took personification in Toussaint, in the thoughts of lazy afternoons spent drunk on grapes lounging in the sun’s glare. The problem was that a typical week for Thyssen would involve one or two jobs, with a net profit of a hundred orens or so. At this rate, he would be saving coin for a hundred years or so before he could afford that hypothetical vineyard.

All the same, the work of a witcher-charlatan was not an overly consuming one. He spent a few hours each day sifting through clients and one or two evenings each week were wholly devoted to his craft; otherwise he was free. You might therefore wonder, dear reader, how Thyssen spent his remaining hours.

The answer should be entirely obvious. Thyssen was a healthy boy on the cusp of adulthood. Naturally, he poured all of his energy into, as the men of my generation were fond of saying, “chasing skirts.” Unfortunately, he was quite hampered in this endeavor by his complete and utter lack of knowledge of what one ought to do in the presence of the opposite sex.

The stories he heard growing up at Kaer Morhen suggested that merely walking down the street in the armor of a witcher, with two swords at his back, would be sufficient to seduce any woman. One of the witchers who wintered there often -- a certain Geralt, not a terribly attractive man, face marred by scars and hair in a ponytail that made him look vaguely equine -- often told stories of his dalliances with sorceresses, all supposedly exceedingly beautiful and powerful. According to this Geralt, he barely had to do anything before these beauties threw themselves at him.

But no matter how many times Thyssen strolled down the street with the swords at his back, the only women who accosted him were fishermen’s wives looking to interest him in the catch of the day. If anything he seemed to be almost invisible: just one more young boy decked in leather armor, likely a mercenary looking for work among the soldiers which were constantly prowling the city. Occasionally, he would wander into an inn, still in his armor, and recline against a wall throwing cool glances at the drinking and gambling taking place. Here the only women who accosted him were of the sort that wanted payment for services rendered.

Perhaps, he thought, he needed to be a touch more aggressive, to approach some fair maiden strolling about the city and start a conversation. But what could he possibly say?

The books he had read in his Kaer Morhan suggested long and flowery speeches praising the woman’s beauty, which seemed like quite reasonable advice. Besides, he had often seen knights in bright plumage and gleaming armor loudly proclaiming poetry in the midst of some public declaration of love within the city’s squares.

He would approach a woman buying fruit at one of the stalls into the market; making some small talk about the fresh oranges from Nazir or some such, he would wait for an opening to launch into a sonnet (composed beforehand) on the subject of her great beauty. He spent quite a few evenings laboring on these sonnets, and he thought they flowed rather elegantly. The women looked at him as if he was a lunatic and, seeming vaguely disoriented, sought to distance themselves as fast as they could.

For a while, he thought that his poetry was insufficiently effusive, and even took some lessons from a travelling bard. Unfortunately, what Thyssen neglected to consider was that while such poetic effusions were not uncommon among the aristocracy, where the women typically possessed a courtly education and might be impressed by a rhyming couplet or an unexpected turn of phrase; but the maids who were sent out to shop at the market were not the best audience for his attempts at cleverness. I regret to report that his efforts in this direction failed to produce anything in the way tangible results.

Soon enough he realized a new approach was called for. One night, as he was having his dinner at his inn’s lobby, he overheard the conversation of a trio of merchants seated at the next table. Besides learning much about the price of cloth all over the Northern Kingdoms, he found out that, each month, on the night of the full moon, one of the villages outside Oxenfurt held a dance that lasted until dawn. Much alcohol would be served, and the merchants had indulged in some speculations about the chastity of peasant girls, or the lack thereof, which I shall not deign to repeat here.

Visions of tightly-dressed, simple but lovely peasants girls floated before Thyssen’s eyes. It would be too much, he reasoned, to attend clad in full armor, but perhaps a couple of swords at his back would not hurt…

He could hardly wait until the next full moon.

When it finally came, and when he had arrived (bedecked in leather armor) in the small hamlet where the dance was held, he found the scene much like he imagined it. Musicians were playing cheerful tunes on lutes, simple and fast music. A few couples were dancing with the wild abandon that comes from drunkenness in the open barns. There were many braziers all around, so much that the bright hue of the village was visible for miles on the road. The air smelled of damp moss, reminding him of his time at Kaer Morhen.

After tying his horse to a tree, he approached one of the makeshift stands to buy a drink.

“Notfromaround‘ere, eh?” the seller said in a mildly hostile tone as he took the coin handed to him.

“No,” Thyssen said taking the tankard and taking in the scene. He stood aimlessly, slowly sipping his drink, which was as close to pure alcohol as anything he had drunk recently. It took all of his self-control to stop himself from spitting it out.

He was pleased to see a few of the peasant girls shyly eyeing him from a distance, and one even giggled when he asked her to dance. So unlike the well-dressed city girls, who would take one look at either his armor or his clothes and seem to instantly lose interest. Here things were altogether different. Was it the two swords at his back, one of them recently-polished silver? Or was it his his carefully crafted attire, purchased from a tailor not far from the tavern where he stayed, which contrasted so sharply to the unshapely overalls worn by the peasants here? Whatever it was, he was in no mood to question it.

But it was here that he discovered another obstacle to his romantic endeavors, namely that he had nothing whatsoever to talk the peasant girls about.

“Harvestwasgoodthisyear,” the first girl he danced said to him after the music stopped and he vaguely hovered about her thinking of something to say. The people here seemed to slur the Common Speech rather than speak it, so that all of their words felt as if they lumped into one.

“Yes,” he said. “That’s what I hear.”

There was a silence.

“Lots of fruits and vegetables collected?” he offered what seemed to him to be the logical continuation of the topic, but she only looked at him a little strangely.

“Your eyes look beautiful in the moonlight,” he shifted the conversation onto safer ground.

She smiled, “Thankyaverymuch,” she said, her accent so thick that, were it not for context, he would have had no idea of what it was she had just said.

“It’s a beautiful village,” Thyssen said, looking around at the decrepit houses. “Have you lived here your whole life?”

She nodded. “Iwasbornyonder,” she said, pointing to one of the huts not far from where they were standing.

“I’m originally from Kaedwen,” Thyssen offered.

“Where?”

“A castle called Kaer Morhen. In Kaedwen.” But the girl looked at him with a confused face. After some back and forth, it turned out that she had never heard of any such place. Redania, Aedirn, and Temeria were the only nations she knew of and she was much surprised to learn the Northern Kingdoms comprised of many more countries than these. This momentous revelation did not seem to affect her much. Thyssen had excitedly began to tell her of the various lands of the North and their customs; but he could not go on for long without noticing her manifest lack of interest.

“So what do you do?” he asked after lapsing into a silence.

The question seemed to confuse her. “Ipackhaylots,” she said finally.

“Interesting work?” He realized the inanity of the question as soon as the words emerged from his lips. Fortunately, the girl was not offended as much as confused.

“Iguessso,” she said.

He was racking his brains for how to proceed when the music started again and another fellow asked the girl to dance. His former dance partner smiled apologetically and accepted, looking slightly relieved.

Things proceeded likewise with each successive partner. There was a flurry of initial interest, and his clumsy dancing did not seem to put them off; but the making of conversation afterwards proved to be rather challenging. He tried to tell the next one about his favorite books, the adventure stories he had read obsessively while at Kaer Morhen, but she only looked blankly at him. He tried asking about her favorite books but it transpired that she did not know how to read.

Not willing to fall down before a challenge, he walked around the festivities until he came across a group of villagers laughing animatedly, three boys and two girls among them. Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, he hovered around within earshot, hoping to catch a drift of the topics they found so engaging.

It was not easy, for he only managed to make out two words out of every five; but, eavesdropping awkwardly for some minutes, he made mental notes of several subjects being discussed. These included the abnormally large tomatoes found in this Fall’s crop; the insufferable people from the neighboring village in the East, who thought themselves superior because their settlement was larger and possessed a tavern; the recent infestation of abnormally large raccoons that was eating the local walnuts; the dull people from the neighboring village in the North, who were so poor they could barely afford shoes; the coming arrival of a merchant who sold mirrors, lockets, and other shiny trinkets at significant discounts; the departure of the village herbalist who had been found to have been having an affair with one of the headmen and was run out of town by a justifiably angry mob. “Ihopetheyburnheratthestake,” one of the older girls said with evident disgust. One of the boys was bragging about his success in selling mole rats, roasted slowly over a fire and marketed as beef, to travellers who spent the night in the village, much to the delight of all his listeners.

Unfortunately Thyssen did not find he had much to contribute on any of these subject.

Feeling a more direct approach was called for, he simply declared, apropos of nothing, “I’m a witcher, you know” to the next girl -- a pretty redhead with large eyes who kept shyly looking down at the floor -- after their dance was over.

That, at the very least, seemed to produce an effect. “No,” the girl said with a smile, “yourejoking.”

He raised his palm and a small flame shot of it. She yelped lightly in shock and looked at him anew, with a mixture of fear and fascination in her eyes.

His demonstration did not pass unnoticed. Soon enough, a circle of admirers surrounded him, largely female, looking at the flames that shot out of his hands. A few of them ran their fingers along his palms, rather tenderly saw, as if to convince themselves that his hands were unscathed.

Reader, the next half hour were quite likely among the most exciting of Thyssen’s life, for he had the undivided attention of a dozen fair specimens of the opposite sex. Even Thyssen was stunned at the apparent popularity of his profession. He had, perhaps, expected some revulsion, but his small stature and unassuming looks appeared to preclude that.

He first showed them his silver sword, and then began to tell them stories of the ghosts he had supposedly banished. I regret to report that, even forgetting that none of these ghosts were real, these stories were vastly exaggerated. Thyssen was in the middle of describing how he fought an entire army of banshees when he was rather rudely interrupted.

“IbetIcouldtakeyouon,” said one of the peasants, an overgrown hulk of a man. Thyssen looked at him uncertainly, unsure how to respond.

“Yeah!” someone shouted.

A few excited whistles were heard, coming mostly from boys who, only a minute ago, were looking resentfully at the attention Thyssen was receiving from the opposite sex.

“Nothingsmorefunthanagoodfight,” someone said.

“Alekseyandthewitcher!”

This was not part of the plan. His opponent was at least thrice his size. His fists were almost as big as Thyssen’s face. To make matters worse, this Aleksey was looking at Thyssen with unabashed hatred in his eyes.

“Witchers do not fight for sport…” he offered cautiously but this seemed widely ignored. The girls had dispersed the boys were arranging themselves in a circle around him and the peasant. It would be quite embarrassing to flee, especially after having gone on at some length about defeating ghosts.

On the other hand, having his face disfigured was a far more unattractive prospect. He looked for his horse and found him tied to a birch behind a barn some fifty paces away, too far to make a run for it.

Meanwhile people were flocking in his general direction, drawn by the shouts that a fight was about to take place. Thyssen stood helplessly, hoping that whatever passed for the law in this godforsaken place would intervene. Unfortunately, the village headman, easily identifiable by the crowd that had been surrounding him, only looked at the budding scene with amusement as he puffed on his pipe..

He turned his glance to his opponent who was now rubbing his arms together with a grim anticipation, grinning maliciously.

This would not be pretty.

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candlewisps · 7 years

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Will you write anything related to Bloodline? In the Metas, I mean. Because while I think that Kylo's fight with the dark voice in his head (aka Snoke) has apparently been longer than initially expected, I think the fact that he learnt about his connection to DV rather violently if Leia's ominous reaction tells us smtg, with learning that his family had been keeping smtg that important from him... Must have been hard. Any thoughts? (I love your meta)

Sooo many thoughts @luciemiddleford, but I’m almost positive my response isn’tgoing to answer your question in any kind of satisfactory manner whatsoever.

My reaction to Bloodline, while mostly positive, is a bit ofmixed bag, and that’s due entirely to inconsistencies about The Family™ betweenthis book and the information we were given in TFA. Aaaaand how Bloodlinemesses with the timeline we more-or-less had previously established (more onthis later) and how this new set just feels wrongto me. In order for me to get across just how I feel in regards to him findingout about Vader in this manner, its necessary for me to discuss why I don’tfeel confident whatsoever about what little info we did get about the Organa-Solo Family Dynamic. Like, at all. I don’ttrust relying on the glimpses we got in Bloodline, including Ben finding outabout Vader in such a jarring manner.

I haven’t gone through the tags on here so idk if otherpeople have broken down some of the inconsistencies and issues with continuitythat Bloodline through into the mix, or if anyone has noticed them at all. Justto start off: I loved the novel. Fucking loved it. One of the best Star Warsnovels ever, in my opinion. I’m a sucker for politics/undercover/conspiracystories, so this was right up my ally. Basically everything related to Leia,the New Republic, the First Order already working within the Senate, anythingthat set up the political outlook for TFA had me overjoyed and I found itincredibly well-grounded in that regard.

It was just those few throwaway lines (I read the wholething twice and I think there are only like six or seven references) about Ben+ Luke that threw everything off. I was expecting this book to give us piecesof the puzzle to put together about HOW exactly everything went down, or atleast glimpses into how the Organa-Solo family life was pre-academy training.Instead it just made me scratch my head and question the canon-ocity of ClaudiaGray’s work. And there’s honestly good reason to question it??? Gray clearlystated that she had not seen/read the script for TFA prior to writing the book,she was clearly Surprised when she saw TFA and it didn’t outright contradictwhat she wrote in regards to the Fam, and beyond that any information shewould’ve been given about The Family™ in order to make Leia’s relationship tothem seem believable would’ve been pretty cut-and-dry (as in: they have a kid,here’s his name, he and Luke are busy doing ~something~). Rereading it justseems like they told her to name drop Ben and Luke a couple times just to makeit clear that she keeps them in her thoughts. They didn’t give her anymore towork with because obviously they’re saving that stuff for TLJ and didn’t wantto spoil it. When Gray was going through the details with Pablo Hidalgo andRian Johnson on what to center the novel around, the only information shereceived for how to make this a setup for TFA was concentrated solely aroundThe New Republic government, the Vader Scandal, hints of the First Order, andthe forming of the Resistance. Just another reason I don’t feel confident withany of the information that isn’t strictly political in nature. The familyaspect just feels like a fill-in-the-blank game (minus what we got with Han,that was all very believable).

Two of the prime problems I have, inconsistency/generalproblem-wise, are in regard to Ben’s age and in how he found out about Dear OldGranddad.

For starters, it was established pre-Bloodline that Ben leftfor training when he was 10 (still canon). It was also the prevailing andaccepted idea pre-Bloodline that Ben fell to Snoke and did-whatever-deed-he-didat the Jedi Academy when he was 15 (I believe I even saw a source at one pointthat confirmed everything went down at 15 but idk where it would be hiding,someone link me if you find one). Makes sense. HOWEVER. According to Gray’sbook, Ben is still with Luke at the age of 23 and hasn’t gone all Dark Sideyet. Here’s the inconsistency: according to the TFA script, when Kylo takes offhis helmet, “Han is JOLTED, seeing the face of his son for the first time as aman”. So Han hasn’t seen his kid since early adolescence, probably. That iscanon. Unfortunate and heartbreaking, but canon nonetheless. I imagine, butcan’t firmly say, it’s been the same amount of time for when Leia last saw Benas well.

This Bloodline continuity hogwash actually creates a majorproblem for Han and Leia’s characters. If we go pre-Bloodline assumption thathe turned at 15, then it means that, at most, Han/Leia went 5 years withoutseeing their son, in person or holo-vid (that assumption is pushing it btw, theystill could have visited him in early teens). We don’t know how busy they were,don’t know where Luke’s Academy was, don’t know if there were any rulesattempting to limit disturbances in the kids’ training. The only thing we canglean is that the Academy, wherever it was, was fairly isolated and hard toreach. So 5 years (again, pushing it) sucks, but is understandable under the rightconditions. BUT. If we adhere to Gray’s timeline, then it means that they went13 years without seeing their kid. It goes from sucky-but-understandable tofucked up in a big way. It is canonically established that Han hasn’t seen hisboy since he was an adolescent, but 23 is an adult. If Han hadn’t seen his kidin that many years, and was able to with him presumably just chilling with Lukeand not off doing dark deeds, then it makes Han and Leia look bad for notputting in any effort to see Ben (or Luke for that matter #rude). It reflectsbadly on Leia and Han. It was already canonically established that Han and Leiaweren’t there enough to guide him—this makes the setup for his upbringingunfortunate, heartbreaking, sorta-kinda understandable. But going 13 yearswithout seeing your kid when you have the means is not understandable andmakes one a shitty parent. This is why I don’t like it one bit. At the previouslyaccepted 15-year age mark, everything flowed together naturally and made sense.At the “new” 23-year age mark it just makes everyone seem like an asshole. It’sjust pushes things a little too far to be believable imo.

In addition to this, Leia states, “I never should’ve senthim away. That’s when I lost him”. This strongly implies that what happenedwith Ben happened relatively quickly (and that there was probably minimalcontact), as in FIVE years, not THIRTEEN. Thirteen years is a long time to sitback, think, and pinpoint exactly when you lost your son without actively doinganything about it. Which is not in Leia’s character. And Han says, “There wasnothing we could’ve done”, which also implies to me a relatively SHORT periodof time between when they actually had personal contact with him and when Bensplit for the Baddies™. Someone who has had repeated personal contact, evenfavorable/positive with their child (messages or otherwise) over a period ofthirteen years after training began would not be making such absolutiststatements. Again, five years makes a certain amount of sense, thirteen has mewtf-ing. Also??? Both Leia and Han’s statements sound like ones to familiar topeople who have had years upon years to come to term with things (as in, 15years ago, not a measly 6).

Onto my other major problem: how Ben found out about Vader.I have a really, reallllllllyyyyyy hard time imagining that Ben found out abouthim out of the blue. I can see where Gray is coming from, but actually thinkingabout it in terms of how Kylo is portrayed in TFA makes no sense with theBloodline timeline. Just for starters: as a descendant of the Chosen One, Benis ridiculously Force sensitive?? So despite the fact that Leia and Han keptthe Grandpa Bomb from him (I imagine Luke would’ve wanted to tell him the truthbut had to adhere to Ben’s actual parents), I don’t see how he would’ve gonehis entire upbringing not picking up on, at the very least, that they werekeeping something huge from. When Han says that there was too much Vader inhim, it implies there were many signs from him as a kid that made his parentsuncomfortable/nervous. For a Force-sensitive who can sense emotions and readthoughts, he would’ve at least picked up on that kind of ~vibe~ they sometimesgot around him and been curious about it. I even have a hard time believingthat, after a while, he might not have “pried” a little bit by trying to readthe thoughts of his “weaker” parent (Han) without detection. He wouldn’t havemeant anything inherently malicious about it, just a curiosity/desire foranswers for why some things made his parents ~share a look~ if you get mydrift. Kids pick up on things. Not to mention he might’ve picked up a vibe fromLuke himself. While I don’t doubt that Luke would’ve agreed to let Leia/Hanreveal things on their own terms, I still think it would’ve been difficult forhim to maintain the façade of “Vader was the enemy and I hate him to this day,glad I killed the bloke”. Ben would’ve been raised on stories of his family’saccomplishments, especially of Luke’s vanquishing of two Sith Lords, so I thinkhe would notice when they either tried to avoid discussing such things or thatmaybe his uncles retelling just didn’t feel right.

The other problem with the “he found out about Vader out ofthe blue” is the fact that that doesn’t organically coincide with hisdedication to Vaders cause that we see in TFA. For Ben to have gone 23 yearsclueless ala Bloodline, his unnerving conviction to finish what Vader startedfeels out of place. Six years is a little short to go from clueless to the “Iwill do everything in my power to finish what you started” idolization we havegoing on. FIFTEEN years on the other hand…well, you get my point. There’s alsothe issue of Snoke. Snoke was in this kids head from the beginning, so I can’timagine that he wouldn’t have used Vader’s identity as an additional tool toget Ben to mistrust his family as early as was feasible/useful. I already madethis whole post about how Vader’s identity/”ghost” was one of the integraltools Snoke was using to secure Ben’s loyalty, so there’s that as well.

While Bloodline is “technically” canon, it is still dubiouscanon at best, prone to changes and mistakes. There are only three “officialofficial” sources of canon (more or less indisputable), and those are the films,the scripts, and the official novelizations of said films. Any othernovels/comics/etc that doesn’t accompany one of the actual movies is canon only until/unless details within it areproven false or clash with Official Canon. And there’s enough weird informationin Bloodline regarding everyone’s favorite Family™, combined with the fact thatGray never even saw the script for TFA, that has me questioning just howin-universe I can take it.

It’s not that I have a problem reorienting myself intobelieving that he made his dark turn as an adult (I do actually), it is just afar less organic and natural string of events compared to him turning at 15. Samewith how he found out about Vader. Bloodline-timeline requires a suspension ofdisbelief. And it affects the narratives of other people around him as well, ina mostly negative way.

Maybe it’s just me that this really bothers. But theinformation Claudia Gray gave us (again, dubious canon at best) just fills liketrying to fit a square peg in a round hole and it throws me off thinking aboutit. I’m just gonna wait for TLJ to confirm/deny anything regarding the Family.

#star wars #tlj #bloodline #kylo ren #Skywalker family #ben organa solo #snoke #han solo #leia organa #darth vader #anakin skywalker #mine #meta #asks

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beccandbaby-blog · 7 years

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My Quick Labour&Delivery Story!

**Disclaimer - I'm gonna be completely honest in this post, therefore some of it may be TMI, apologies if this causes offence to anyone reading..** Sit back and make yourself a drink, get a snack and relax, cause this is gonna be a long one. This is something I've wanted to write about for a long long time now, much because when pregnant I was obsessed with reading about and watching video's on YouTube of other people's experiences, and much because I want to look back and revisit this when it all isn't so fresh in my memory, so here it goes.. here is my labour and delivery story! So I'll start of with a bit of background about my pregnancy seeing as though I have started this blog late and didn't document anything to do with my pregnancy (gutted!). At 20 weeks pregnant I found out that I had a "low lying placenta", this came about because I had started bleeding, quite a lot actually and it had tiny clots in it, fearing the worst I went straight to Maternity Triage at Walsall Manor Hospital, had a Speculum examination (which was absolutely horrid) to try and find out where the bleeding was coming from - luckily they had hooked me up to the monitors and they had found her heartbeat straight away, which reassured me and made me stop panicking as much as I was! anyway after the examination was carried out they decided to admit me onto a ward and keep an eye on me and the bleeding and that my 20 week scan should be pushed forward so that they could see where about the placenta was. The staff on the ward were amazing and the next day I was taken down for a scan, and it was confirmed that I infact did have a low lying placenta which had caused the bleed. I was told that it would move up as my stomach grew, but if it didn't I would have to have a C-section. I was booked for a re scan at 36 weeks to see if there had been any change. There was good news at this scan though! I also found out that I was gonna have a baby girl! (For anyone that may be unaware of what a low lying placenta is - I didn't until I knew I had one! It's when baby lays on top of the placenta, when it should be surrounding baby, it means that if you were to try and give birth vaginally, the placenta would come out first. Which can cause a lot of problems for both you and baby) After about 2 days the bleeding completely stopped and on day 3 I was discharged to go home, I couldn't stop thinking that I could possibly have to have a C-section and it scared the living day lights out of me, I spent hours upon hours reading and watching YouTube videos about it, and more to the point - the recovery from having one and eventually I came round to the idea, although I was hoping and praying that I would be able to have a vaginal birth. Fast forward a few weeks and it was time for me to have my 36 week growth scan and luckily my placenta had moved up and was no longer an issue, I was so relieved that I would have the option of a natural birth - not that there's anything wrong with C-sections, the idea just scared me quite a lot! Onto the actual labour and delivery bit now! (If you've read this far, thank you! its actually taken me about 2 hours to write this far as I've just settled baby for a nap. She's now in her Mothercare loved so much sit me up cosy dozing away). Anyway.. at 40 weeks, I was booked for a sweep at home with my midwife. I should mention at this point that I had been recommended to start taking Raspberry Leaf tablets from Holland and Barret by a friend, you can take them from 30 weeks but I didn't start until after I found out what was happening with my placenta - so 36 weeks - They're not meant to bring on labour but the aim of them is to help your cervix and strengthen everything in that area, to make for a quicker labour/delivery and also help afterwards. My midwife came and explained what a sweep was and did all of her normal checks for 40 weeks, she said that my cervix wasn't doing much and she was going to try and bring it forward as it was still quite prosterior. I will be honest I was starting to give up at this stage, I genuinely believed I was going to be pregnant forever and I would never go into labour by myself. After the sweep I had a tiny bleed which she did tell me to expect, but nothing else really happened after that. I was booked for another sweep a week later, on a Monday and she told me I would also be booked to be induced if nothing had happened by then, I was so ready to have this baby that by this point I didn't care if i was sectioned, induced or what - I just wanted her here! the day before my second sweep I started to have a few niggly pains, I was unsure wether they were the beginning of contractions as I had never experienced them before so I wasn't too sure if I should be excited or not, I had a bath and went to bed and by morning they had stopped, but I had a lot of pressure down below, but today was the day of my second sweep and I was genuinely excited for it, if the sweep didn't work I knew I would have a day that I had to get to where they would start helping me along. She started the sweep and I remember her telling me that there was a massive difference from last time - she said that I had dilated to 2 cm and my cervix had started to thin out, and that the pains I had the night before were things going in the right direction and obviously had started things off, I was booked for my induction that day too and off I went, happy as larry that things had started to progress, even though it was only 2 cm it gave me the boost I needed. I live by myself as I don't have a partner - that's another story for another day - so the last thing I wanted was for something to happen early hours of the morning and for me to be alone and to not know what to do, so I asked my dad if he would mind coming up and staying on the sofa over night just incase - and I'm so SO glad I did. Around 7:30pm I started to have a few pains again but they were irregular, as time went on I noticed them more and they became consistent and strong, I had an app on my phone that could time contractions so I started using it and it worked out that my contractions were about 7 minutes apart lasting 45-60 seconds each. I went to bed and expected them to subside again, but they didn't - they were getting stronger by contraction and at 12am I rang the maternity ward. I was told it was too early for me to go in and that I should wait till they were 3-4 minutes apart and to have a warm bath and a paracetamol for the mean time. Which I thought was ridiculous by the way as a paracetamol barely gets rid of a headache! I did as she said and ran myself a bath, the water was honestly the best most soothing ever and if I was to ever have any more babies I would 100% consider a water birth. It was like I was in a massive hot water bottle lol! Whilst in the bath the pains eased and kind of slowed down which led me to believe it was another false alarm, so I got out of the bath - well attempted - I had one leg out of the bath and I had a contraction, and it was stronger than the ones I had before I got in, I then had a "bloody show" and from then onwards the contractions were back to back and very strong. I told my dad to ring the ward back as by this point I was leaning over the bed crying, barely able to string a sentence together and I heard the lady on the phone say to bring me up but they "may have to send me home" which really annoyed me. Its like you almost have to be pushing before they'll see you, which funnily enough was basically my case. We waited for my aunt to pick us up and take us in which felt like forever, I threw up and I couldn't sit down, with every contraction I was lifting myself off of the seat in the car. When we got there, it was around 3:15 am.. there was a random wheelchair outside which my aunt grabbed and sat me in to wheel me down to Triage. There was two rooms opposite eachother that were "assessment rooms" and then some double doors leading to the delivery rooms. I remember clinging on to my birthing partner - my good friends arm and telling her I felt like I needed to push, it felt like everything around me was just going too slow and I needed them to see me NOW! the midwife came to me and told me she was just going to take me to be assessed to which my reply was "No, I need to push" and I think she could tell by the way I was reacting to each pain that I wasn't over exaggerating, she took me into Delivery Room 5 and gave me a gown to put on, she checked me and told me I was 5 cm dilated and my cervix had completely thinned out, she offered me gas and air which I didn't like at all - it didn't do anything for me whatsoever except for make me giggle and go a little light headed, it came in handy for pushing though, purely to bite down on! every contraction I had I felt like the only relief I was going to get was if I pushed, there was so much pressure that my body just started to do it itself.. it's amazing what your body can do isn't it? The midwife looking after me told me she was going out of the room to get something and if I needed her to just press the buzzer, the second she left the room I had another contraction and found myself trying to push, so I pressed the buzzer and she came back in, she was amazing - she really listened to me and encouraged me to keep going. She checked me again and pressed the orange button on the wall, which scared me because on TV that means something is wrong! another midwife came in and I heard her say to her that I had gone from 5 cm to 10 cm in one contraction which I was completely amazed (and relieved by) although baby's heart rate had been lost as she had gone so far down into my pelvis that the monitor was no longer picking it up, they attatched something to the top of her head to be able to trace it and I started pushing, the midwives were great as they really encouraged me with every push and told me I was doing amazingly - which when you're in a situation like that you do really need, so I was very grateful to both of them. They told me that they would have to cut me slightly to help baby come out as quickly as possible due to how fast it had all progressed. I was given an injection of anesthetic which I was told I screamed more at than the actual labour/delivery part lol! I carried on pushing and before I knew it her head was out, which I did look at - It was like a big prune! - She was born at 3:58am and she was and still is absolutely perfect, I have never felt love like it until I held my baby for the first time. I was shown how to get her to latch on and she fed on me, we had a lot of skin to skin all whilst I was being stitched back up. It was the most positive, amazing experience I've ever had and I will always cherish it. I was so lucky to have such an easy, fast birth. And I do definitely think that those Raspberry Leaf tablets helped with that, and definitely with healing afterwards. I would highly recommend them to anyone that's pregnant and wondering wether or not to try them. So that's about it! there's my positive labour and delivery story. I write this whilst my baby girl is in her bouncer babbling away and smiling back at me! I am so beyond words in love with her and I wouldn't change a thing. So please welcome to the world my now nearly one year old baby girl.. Esmae Olivia born on the 10th of May 2016. Weighing 5lbs Thank you if you've read this and shared my experience with me, I would love to hear yours!

#mommy #mommyblogger #labour #labouranddelivery #deliver #birth #baby #baby girl #labour and delivery #mom #mommylife #mumblr #mum #mummy life #mummy blog #blog #lgblog #momblog #mumblog

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aliceinthewritingrepublic · 7 years

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Honey Dipper

Title: Honey Dipper

Fandom: Fire Emblem

Pairing: Gaius/Female Avatar

Rating: MA

Word Count: 3430

Robin goes to take inventory of the castle's larder. Gaius, who was just about to steal some food, hides.

Whenever the shepherds were back in Ylisstol for extended amounts of time, Robin tended to grow restless. There was only so much tactical planning even a perfectionist like her could do, and eventually she would always run out of useful things to do. Thus she had taken to looking for odd jobs, or if there were none readily available, to create them herself.

Today, for instance, she had decided to take inventory of the castle’s food storage. As a result, she had been inside the larder for the better part of the afternoon, scribbling away into her omnipresent notebook so she could plan out what needed to be restocked.

All the while she could have sworn there was a mouse or something of the sort around. More than once she had heard small noises in the large cellar room and gone to investigate only to find nothing. Then, as soon as enough time had passed for her to forget all about it, the same would happen again.

Perhaps she was simply hearing things; she had been sleeping too little even now that the war was not as immediately present. She always felt like she should be doing more and was prone to rumination that made it difficult to find sleep.

There it was again! This time the sound was louder than before. This could not be simple imagination after all. Robin rose from the crate she had been sitting on and quietly stepped towards the corner she believed to be the direction it had come from.

“Is anybody in here?” she asked tentatively, feeling a little stupid talking to what she still believed to be a room containing nothing but food stores.

“Oh, for Grima’s sake,” a voice cursed, loud but muffled. Robin jumped a little in surprise. As it turned out, the room had not been quite as devoid of life as she had believed.

An especially disorderly stack of crates moved a little as the crate on its far side was pushed out and out came… Gaius. The ginger rogue they had recruited a while ago now. And suddenly it all made sense: if one was to expect anybody in the larder, sugar-addicted Gaius was certainly the first person to come to mind.

“Gaius!” Robin yelled for lack of words. How long had he been here?

“Yes, Robin,” he grumbled, dusting himself off and stretching. It must have been pretty cramped behind those crates. “I was going to sit it out and wait until you left again, but you’ve been here for what? Four hours?” He paused to emphasize the amount of time. “How do you concentrate on anything for that long? You work too much.”

“I’m… sorry?” she asked rather than stated, still a little overwhelmed by the fact that he had been in here this entire time. “What were you doing here?”

He hesitated for a moment before replying. “This is where the food is. You know me. I’ll give you three guesses.”

That she knew him was a fact. To be completely truthful, she probably knew him better by now than she knew many of the people she had been fighting with for longer amounts of time. Gaius had been easy for Robin to get along with from the start. While travelling they often shared guard shifts, sitting around the fire together, laughing and telling each other stories. Well, he was usually the one doing most of the storytelling, since there were only a few months she remembered from before they had met. But Robin liked listening to him. He had soon taken to calling her ‘sweet stuff’. She also liked that part, though she did not like to think too much about why she liked it so much.

“Okay. Fair enough,” she answered, smiling at him but raising an eyebrow in mock judgment. “So you hid when I came in here?”

He nodded. “How was I supposed to know you were planning on making this your new home?”

“You’re exaggerating! I haven’t been here that long.” Okay, so maybe she had forgotten about time a little bit. It often happened to her when she got caught up in the work she was doing. “Besides, it does kind of serve you right for stealing food in the first place.”

He answered her amusement by crossing his arms. “I wasn’t going to take a lot! Just enough so… no one would notice, you know? They do have all the best kinds of honey here, you know. It’s impossible to resist the temptation!”

She mimicked him by crossing her arms also, laughing. “For you, maybe. Sometimes I think you have a serious problem, Gaius.”

“Oh, get off my back with that moralizer talk of yours. I’m not hurting anyone! Also, I can’t believe you’d claim not to have been here ‘that long’” – underlined by air quotations – “after several hours. If I’m addicted to sugar, you’re addicted to work. And I think mine’s healthier personally.”

Robin knew it was not Gaius’s intention to insult her, but she did feel a little attacked. Yes, she probably would not have needed to take on the task of taking inventory herself, someone working at the castle would have done it either way, and perhaps it seemed ridiculous to the outside observer, but… but what? But, she needed to do something after all. Everyone was doing their part and she could not help the continuous feeling she had that she was not doing enough herself.

Apparently the look on her face had been rather telling, so Gaius was quick to try for some damage control.

“I’m just teasing you, Robin. I’m sorry if that came out wrong.” His gaze moved to the floor between them for a moment before he met her eyes again. “But you do work too much. I mean, have you looked into a mirror recently? Those circles under your eyes just keep getting darker. And that’s even though we’re not even out in the field! There’s no battles and you have a normal bed to sleep in, you should be sleeping more if anything!”

Now Robin involuntarily looked downwards as well. She could only barely see the tips of her feet below the wide tactician’s cloak she was wearing.

“It’s just…” How could she word this so he would understand what she meant? “Everyone’s doing so much. For the war efforts, for the group, for the royal family, for the people…” She swallowed. “And I feel like I’m not doing much at all. Like I’m not helping whatsoever.” Admitting it felt even worse. Now it was out there and she could not take it back.

Then Gaius’s hands – they were nice hands, large and masculine – were on her shoulders. Robin looked up at him in surprise, finding a look of serious determination on his face.

“The worst part about that is that you’re actually being serious. I don’t know how you got that idea, but you’re one of the hardest-working people I’ve ever met. The only person who just maybe works even more than you would be Frederick, and I’m not too sure that’s actually the case. No one thinks you’re not doing enough. The opposite actually. Everyone’s looking up to you for how seriously you take your job and how well you do it. You shouldn’t be doubting that for a second.”

Robin could feel the warmth rising to her face. Could it be that her self-perception and the way others saw her differed that greatly? She found it hard to believe, but the sincerity in Gaius’s eyes was impossible to deny. She held his gaze for as long as she could bear to, until the intensity became too much and she had to avert her eyes again.

Thankfully he did not force her to look at him. Instead, he pulled her into a loose, sweet embrace. It was unexpected but not unwelcome at all. It seemed he was ready to let her go again after a few moments, but that was an exit she did not want to take. Instead, she lifted her own arms and snaked them around his waist, returning the hug. He was tall enough for her to lay her head on his chest comfortably.

It was greedy of her, but she simply needed to absorb his closeness, if only for a few moments.

He soon spoke again, not letting go of her. “You know, even with those shadows under your eyes, you’re still plenty nice to look at, sweet stuff.” There he was again, her flirty friend-or-was-it-something-more. She had almost been missing him.

Despite the warmth in her cheeks she lifted her head from his chest to look up at him. “Careful, Gaius. One of these days I might end up thinking you’re serious.” She hoped her lopsided smile was enough to subtly hint at her hopes without giving away too much yet. If he was in fact only joking, she wanted to give him the chance to say so without being afraid to hurt her feelings.

His arms around her tightened slightly, one hand moving to the small of her back and pulling her body against his just enough to make her swoon a little. “Who says I’m not serious?” His voice was rougher now somehow, quiet yet causing an echo in Robin’s ears. “I’m deadly serious.” Gaius’s face was close enough now for her to feel his breath on her cheek and the corner of her mouth. He was not inching any closer however.

Was he waiting for her to make a move? She reacted in a way that could only be described as reflexively, no thought process involved whatsoever.

She kissed him quite desperately, and he happily responded in kind. His tongue in her mouth was so much sweeter than she had dared to imagine in those nights she had been lying awake, when her thoughts would often turn to him – something she never would have admitted to any living soul until now.

Her arms that had been wound tightly around his waist moved as she went on to explore the plains and elevations of his back, feeling where his spine dipped and where his shoulder blades stood out. Onwards across his wide shoulders and onto his bare upper arms that she had always been curious to feel under her fingers.

She moaned into his mouth as his hands went on their own journey, pulling open her cloak and charting the shape of her body underneath. Every spot he touched felt a little as if it had been lit on fire and while it embarrassed her, she could not keep herself from pushing her body even further into his touch, wordlessly begging him to press his fingers into her waist harder, to squeeze her breasts harder through the material of her top.

His lips abandoned hers to move onto her jaw and then her neck, his kisses leaving more fire in their wake.

“Gaius,” she all but whimpered, wanting more, wanting more now. She held onto him tightly, the fingers of one hand weaving their way into his lovely orange hair, only coincidentally not messing up his headband.

His hand gave her breast another firm squeeze before his thumb focused on her hard nipple. It felt heavenly even through the fabric. His other hand traveled downwards until it found the back of her thigh. “You’re eager,” he assessed and she thought she could feel him smiling against the side of her neck.

“I’ve been wanting you for the longest time,” she confessed, grateful for the lack of eye contact right in this instant. It was easier to admit it this way.

He pressed a kiss to her jaw that was soft in comparison to the ones that had come before. “And I’ve been wanting you ever since I’ve known you.”

In addition to the heat between her legs there was suddenly another pool of warmth growing inside her chest.

Gaius’s hand that had been teasing her breasts moved to the back of Robin’s other thigh and without further notice, he picked her up. Thankfully she had been holding onto him anyways and thus did not lose balance.

He did not take her far. In fact, he simply turned around a little and took a few steps forward before setting her back down onto one of the many wooden crates. In the process, Robin’s cloak fell off her shoulders, sliding down her arms and revealing bare skin.

Gaius knelt down in front of the crate he had placed her on.

Not quite sitting up, Robin moved so she could get a better look at him. His hair was tousled, his eyes darker than usual, and his face and neck a little reddened from the excitement. If that was what he looked like, she could only fathom how ravaged she must have looked in comparison.

His fingers hooked into the top of her leggings and he swiftly peeled them off of her, taking her underwear along right away. She was left naked from the waist down, still wearing her top and even her cloak, even if the latter was ruffled.

“What are you…?” she trailed off, wanting to know what he was planning on doing, but feeling stupid for asking.

“Showing my appreciation for your hard work,” he grinned mischievously, thriving on the blush his words brought to her face.

And as if those words had not been enough, he gently but firmly pulled her knees apart so her center was laid bare before his eyes.

Robin felt the strong impulse to look away so she would not have to see the fascination and the tangible… appetite on his face, but the arousal it caused her was stronger than the embarrassment. She felt so lewd, clothed except for the most intimate parts of her, in a storage room of all places, and his mouth so unbearably close to where she desired him. He had not even done anything yet besides looking at her and already she felt strung and ready to snap.

“If you don’t do anything soon, I’m going to die, I think,” she mumbled, not realizing she had voiced the thought until it was already out there.

“You won’t,” he promised, stroking the inside of one thigh affectionately. “I’ll make sure of it.”

He leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her other thigh, only a few inches from her knee – miles away from where she needed his attention. She was so wet, wet enough to feel the excess lubrication slowly trailing down from her slit with every involuntary spasm of her inner muscles caused by Gaius’s licking and sucking on the insides of her thighs. He would get closer slowly, close enough to make her believe for a second that he was going to give her what she needed – and then he would be gone again, to start the torture all over again.

Within a few minutes, Robin was almost, but not quite, ready to cry from desperation. So much so that she had let her head fall back, unable to watch him any longer while he refused to let her have her satisfaction.

It took her a moment to register that he had stopped his ministrations. Confusion set in – what was the next step of his devious plan? She was afraid to even look up.

But her head shot up instinctively when she felt something cold on the skin that was already tender from his mouth’s tantalization. Robin barely believed her own eyes. Gaius was holding a wooden honey dipper, dripping small beads of honey onto her skin.

If she had thought she could not feel any obscene just before, she now knew better.

“Only you,” she panted. “Only you would have an idea like that.”

He grinned at her wickedly, putting down the dipper. If he felt any shame, he sure was good at hiding it. “A long-standing fantasy of mine. I saw the chance and I took it. That’s what you get for letting me have you in the larder.”

She wanted to shoot back something glib but her mind seemed to malfunction when he went back to his task of letting her feel his tongue everywhere but where it was supposed to go. The stickiness of the honey only made him lick all the harder, and for a few moments Robin was sure she could hear him humming in utter satisfaction. And yet, her needs remained unmet.

“Turns out, honey tastes even sweeter when I get to lick it from your skin, sweet stuff,” he informed her once he thoroughly cleaned her of the mess he had made.

At this point, Robin was unable to say anything at all in return. All she could form was a noise that was equal parts frustration, desperation and pure, unadulterated begging.

He finally reached around her thighs to grasp her hips and pull her towards him a little more so her center was level with the edge of the crate she was now more lying than sitting on.

And then, finally – finally! – he gave her poor, swollen clit the attention it so craved. He pulled it between his lips and sucked, softly for a moment and then almost harshly, rolling his pointed tongue over it a few times, and –

And that was all it took to undo her. Without a single finger of his even having made its way inside her, she was coming, her insides squeezing tightly around nothing at all. Her legs lifted off the floor on their own accord, soon resting on Gaius’s shoulders instead, ankles crossed behind his back, keeping him from pulling away.

Not that he had had any intention to pull away – he kept sucking on her clit in earnest, prolonging her orgasm to an extent that should have been forbidden.

Robin noticed her own legs shaking while she was coming back to reality. It was only when she whimpered due to the overstimulation that he pulled his mouth from her clit.

She exhaled deeply, trying to get her breathing to slow down. It would not work for another few minutes at least.

Too weakened to say anything, she lifted herself onto her elbows to look at Gaius only to find him looking back at her. She smiled at him warmly. He sat up on his knees a little and rested his head on her stomach, closing his eyes and breathing in her skin.

Robin’s fingers lazily trailed through his hair, the softness of her touch betraying a lovingness that stood in grave contrast to the intensity from moments earlier. If only they could stay like this forever. She could not remember ever having felt so beautifully spent…

But of course they could not stay here. Especially not while she was half-naked – and the more incriminating half to boot.

Gaius apparently realized this too and proceeded to regretfully lift his head and stand up. He handed Robin her underwear and leggings which she pulled on while sitting. Then, he held out both hands for her to take.

She did and he pulled her up. Her knees were even shakier than she had been anticipating, so she steadied herself by wrapping her arms around him and hugging him once more. Standing up, she could feel the sheer abundance of her fluids leaking into her underwear. She decided to ignore it for the time being.

Gaius returned her embrace, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“I…” she whispered hoarsely. “I don’t know what to say.” She paused. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. I enjoyed myself a lot, you know.”

“Did you…?” she asked into his chest, still, after everything, too shy to look him in the eye while asking.

He laughed and squeezed her a little tighter to his chest. “Yes. Like I said, that was a fantasy of mine. Better not press against my pants too much, lest you feel the stain.”

She laughed along with him, relieved that he had not been left high and dry. “I’m glad.”

They were quiet for a while after that, simply enjoying each other’s presence.

Eventually, Gaius spoke up again. “When I said I’d wanted you ever since I’d known you, I wasn’t lying. And I didn’t just mean sexually either.”

Robin moved a little so she could press an affectionate kiss to his jaw from below. “Me either.”

He squeezed her shoulders tightly once more, letting her confirmation settle for a moment before speaking again, the happiness in his voice matching the warmth in Robin’s chest.

“I’m glad.”

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qgaje8wz-blog · 5 years

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