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bsd-bibliophile · 3 years

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Survey Dates: November 15, 2020 - December 15, 2020 Number of Participants: 331

You can view and download the full results here.

Comments:

#BringBackYumeno2020

How cool you included translators in this! You ROCK.

bsd kunikida needs a vacation

Bungou Stray Dogs have been a blessing for me ever since I started watching the series last year. I had lost my drive for reading and writing as a hobby, university and disillusionment with the publishing industry killed that, but now I have been revitalized thanks to the series. Not only did it drive me to go back to writing original works, but I have started writing fanfiction again after almost ten years of hiatus from story writing. The BSD online library has been a blessing not only as a source of research for the writers for my fanfic, but also has been the only way that I have been easily been able to get a hold of some works by the authors in English, my preferred reading language. Please keep up the good work! Thank you so much for everything that you have provided for this fandom.

Buraiha,,,, just them

Do not make me choose between Dazai and Chuuya, I cannot, they are both my favs lol.

for the question about how many books by japanese authors i own, i responded with more

Hello friend! Twain’s my favourite in bsd but this is about japanese literature soooo than 10, but to clarify: they are not all from bsd authors.

hello!! just a quick thank you note!! im polish and variety here in japanese literature (either in polish or english) is very limited, but thanks to your website it's very easy to find works i want to read both by japanese or russian authors. i also like the fact that i can read abt the authors' connections and how they influenced each other in their works, and get some historical context. i want to be a translator in the future, so i'm incredibly grateful for this kind of accessibility. keep up the good work and thank you once again!!! <333 - julia sz

I will like to thank you for all the information that you have supplied us on the tumblr page. Also I will like to know if you have any information about "A New Hamlet" the adaptation Dazai made of Hamlet. You will really help me if you know anything about it.

hi, i really enjoy your blog and "no longer human" as well as "the moon over the mountain" are on my christmas list. i hope to learn more about these authors and i wish you a good day!

Hi! Just hope you have a great day!

I am currently learning Japanese and I hope one day I can read these authors works in Japanese instead of a translation

I am interested in reading literary works translated into languages other than English, but have difficulty finding ways to read them. For BSD, I also watch the recordings of stage plays. Also, BSD and the authors have sparked my interest in other Japanese literature (I really like Banana Yoshimoto's books). Lastly, thanks for the online library, it's such a huge help!

I am sad to have to answer that I’ve not read these authors. I just watched the whole anime in the last two weeks and am going to go read some of these authors now. I actually have two literature degrees from US institutions and have become increasingly aware of how awfully western they are. I love this anime and am glad it’s opened me up to these authors. I’m excited to read them.

I can't wait to see what you do with these results!!

I cannot thank you & your blog enough for helping me fall further in love with Bungou Stray Dogs. Keeping so many works in an easy-to-access place is also a total lifesaver--and you just made it all the more easier to realize my love for literature. I know I'm rambling, but thank you so much!

I have a question, is it better to read these Japanese novels in their original language (Japanese) or does it not really matter if you read the English translation? I guess it's a given that reading it in Japanese is more authentic, but I'm just wondering if it's really worth it to learn such a complex language just for the sake of authenticity. Are English translations at least 90% legit anyway?

I have read most Japanese works in English except for the poetry of Nakahara Chūya, which I read in/translated from Japanese.

I have very mixed feeling towards BSD, I prefer the side stories rather than the main plot and I only like a small choice of characters, but I appreciate the series for introducing me to many great authors that I hadn't known.

I hope you have a great day!!

I just found BSD Biblio blog recently, but still I get to know about the real life authors a lot. I can't understand japanese much, so this blog truly helps me to know more about the authors and their remarkable works. I'm greatly appreciate the efforts that had been put on this blog ^^ My deepest gratitude to the translators~♡

I just wanted to say thank you for your big interest in sharing japanese literary œuvres on the internet. Here in Spain there aren't many works translated in spanish, and those that are translated, have a poor translation, except the works of Dazai. Your page lets me enjoy many pieces of art from the great japanese writers!

I love bsd and bsd-bibliophile is a great blog

I love the blog and my favorite things are the quotes! Keep up the good work. <3

I love the universe that taught me to love books.

I love this blog and thank you sm for all the love and hard work you put into it. Thank you.

I love your blog, but I didn't know you had a library! I'm definitely checking it out, since where I live it's not easy to find the books of all the authors and I want to read at least one book of each! ❤️

I love your blog:)

I love your blog!

I love your tumblr! Thank you so much for collecting all the information about the authors!

I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE ITS AMAZING THANK YOUUUU

I love your work and dedication!

I mostly make do with the books that are available in my public library, thus the only physical copy I own is "the key" bu tanizaki (if that's the correct translation of the novel)

I play the BSD mobage; that is about as far as I am into BSD as a fandom, as I've only began a couple months ago.

I prefer print, but ebooks are good when that's what's available. I started reading the BSD manga, but stopped. I enjoy it much more just vicariously through my friends who read the manga and novels. Thanks for providing Japanese lit content all the time! I'm trying to learn Japanese, but I've a long way to go, so it's cool to learn about authors and possible English translations.

I read a lot more Japanese authors than I used to before, due to the anime Bungo Stray Dogs

I really adore what you do. Though I have not been very active in the library due to real life issues, I look forward to sitting down and looking through it!

I really appreciate BSD-Bibliophile. I've learned a lot and I know without it, I might not have gotten this into Japanese literature!

i really enjoy seeing your posts on my feed and reading quotes from various writers. thank you for your effort, i really appreciate it :)

I really like that you share quotes of these authors, they're really interesting to read! :) It also helps me to decide what I want to read next haha

I really want to read the light novels, I wish one day you can upload them! Love this page so much!!

I saw a few posts from your blog on Twitter and I'll definitely follow it from now on! What you all are doing is truly amazing and I wish you and your blog only the best! (I don't have enough free time to dive into as many books as I wish I could, so your blog is really helpful)

I think Asagiri-sensei try to promote these famous Japanese authors and I really glad he did because I actually like the poems and story by these authors and whenever I read you guys post a quote from any of their books, I feels the need to buy the book. Thank you for your hardwork!

I think your work in organizing and encouraging people to engage in Japanese literature beyond the series that introduced them to it is awesome.

I use BSD-Bibliophile so much and am very grateful to have it!

I wanted to read some of Dazai's, Kenji's and Akutagawa's works, but they are hard to find in physical stores

I wanted to thank for both the blog and the online library for granting me acess to works that are either too expensive or not available in my country <3

I'm following BSD for 4 years and I read literature of BSD authors as much as I can. I'm deeply in love with its characters, and I'm delighted every time I discover the references from the real life authors and their works. I recommend for those who want to go in-depth with BSD to read the literature, or at least learn about the real life authors. It worths the time. You'll love BSD even more, and maybe the real life authors and their works as well.

I'm new to Bungou Stray Dogs, and I plan on getting my hands on the manga soon! and also the works of the real authors the characters are based off of. :)

I'm so thankful for the site! Since I can't afford the actual book, I am able to read them thru here and if you don't mind, please add Hagiwara Sakutaro's Hownling at The Moon and Kikuchi Kan's Beyond the Pale of Vengeance. Thank you!

I'm so thankful to the amount of effort put into this blog. Thank you so much.

I've been following you for years, your blog is one of my favorites. Thanks for all you do!

I've come by this website a few times, but today is the first time I've really read anything on here. The posts provide a lot of insight. I'll definitely be coming back here to make use of the online library. Thanks for making this available!

I've read and enjoyed Dazai's works, and he's the one I choose for favourite, but it's hard - if I had to choose a second I'd go with Chuuya's poetry. I've somehow wound up reading and re-reading it both for reference in my own works, and just because I want to, when I like.

I've thoroughly enjoyed all the works I've found through this series and I highly recommend people look into Tachihara's poetry! He's my favorite poet ever and his work is highly underrated.

I'm very thankful for this blog. It's heaven-sent for a booklover and fan of Japanese literature for me. I'm sure you're constantly trying to update the library, but there are a few very rare books I've always wanted to read but I'm not sure if I'll get to. Can you add "Azamukazaru no Ki" by Kunikida Doppo? I'm not sure if there exists an English translation, but I'd be eternally grateful even if you uploaded the original Japanese (actually, I would prefer that to the translation, even though it would take a million years for me to decipher the whole of it, at my level of knowledge of the Japanese language. Japanese and English being poles apart in grammatical structure, a lot of the nuances of a Japanese piece is lost in a translation, and this being a record of Kunikida's innermost feelings, I would prefer to read the original.) I also want to read the reports Kunikida made while he was a war correspondent during the Sino-Japanese war, that made him famous as a writer and journalist, but I'm not sure if those could be available. Please include Kunikida's wonderful poetry too. I have mostly read some them in the original Japanese, or Bengali translations made by a senpai of mine, but I would love to read more. As you can probably tell, Kunikida is one of my favourite Japanese authors (although I selected Akutagawa as my favourite in the survey... I love both of their writings equally, but the survey only wanted one answer, so I chose Akutagawa.) Please include writings of other Japanese authors who are not featured in BSD as well, if that is possible (you could maybe create a different section for them?) One of my favourite Japanese authors is Komatsu Sakyou, but I've only been able to read one book of his ("Japan Sinks"). I also want to read "Virus: the Day of Resurrection", "Take Your Choice" and assorted short stories written by him, but Japanese literature is unfortunately not at all easily available where I live. Which is all the more reason I'm so thankful for your blog. I wouldn't have been able to read so many amazing books of some of my favourite authors if it hadn't been for your blog. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you will read this and consider my requests. Have a nice day :)

it is through bsd-bibliophile's blog that i am able to go in-depth about japanese authors, so thank you so much! and just a little suggestion, though you don't have to do this if you don't have time or there's simply not any reason for you to do it, i would really love to answer a survey not only featuring japanese authors but all authors across different literatures (japanese, american, english, russian) who are featured in bsd because i think that would be fun as well. and this is really a fun survey~ thank you so much!

It was very fun to fill this list.

It's too hard to choose only one character or author

Keep doing what you do, it's amazing!

keep the great works!

Loved this!!! 💕

Nothing in particular. I just wanna thank you for having this survey. Loving BSD forever.

Since I only recently fell into the world of BSD and Japanese literature I haven't been able to read many of the works I want. I'm quite eager to read "No Longer Human" by Dazai-sensei since I really liked his style. An interesting thing is that I wasn't very fond of reading poetry until I discovered Yosano-sensei and Miyazawa-sensei, I enjoyed their work a lot. I'm very grateful to this blog, I wouldn't have been able to immerse myself this much into Japanese literature and read all this wonderful works if it wasn't for you so thank you so much! Keep up the good work!! ♡

Thank you for all of your hard work in these translations; reading Japanese literature has always been my wish. Being able to find and read their works in English is the greatest thing that's happened to me.

Thank you for all the hard work! You all curate the content so carefully and do so much for the fandom. It's one of my favorite bsd

Thank you for all the work you do~ and thank you for the library as well~

Thank you for all the work you’ve done💕✨

Thank you for all your hard work!

Thank you for continuing your work on this blog!

Thank you for everything you do!

Thank you for helping me find the translated copy of Return to Tsugaru by Osamu Dazai a while back!

Thank you for making the online library available! It's a great way to read some of these works that are not easily found elsewhere.

Thank you for providing the PDF's of these books, I don't want to buy them until I know I like them because it's hard for me to read because of my ADHD, so thank you for providing them in English!!!!

Thank you for the survey!

Thank you for this site! It really helps me to learn more about the Japanese Literature. Thank you to everyone who worked hard to translate the manga and light novels! I cannot decide which author I liked the best nor which book I liked most. It really is hard for me too choose! *sends love to everyone in this site*

thank you for this site! this really feeds my reading and BSD obsession <3

Thank you for your hard work :)

Thank you for your hard work, BSD Bibliophile! You are amazing! ;)

Thank you for your hard work!

Thank you for your work ♥

thank you so much for all that you do!!

Thank you so much for all your work on the BSD Bibliophile website!

Thank you so much for both your blog and the online library!!

Thank you so much for bringing closer the translated works and thanks for the authors who translated them

thank you so much for creating this special blog! I love it and really adore it

Thank you so much for your great work! your blog is a treasure for those who don't speak Japanese but are in love with Japanese literature (─‿‿─)♡

thank you so much for your website!!! sending love from hk!! :DD

Thank you so much for your wonderful work in making Japanese literature more accessible, so people who cannot find them in their country are also able to enjoy them <3

Thank you very much for your efforts in providing information and reading materials for everyone! I find your blog and website especially useful since I can't seem to find any physical copies here where I'm from.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks for all of your hardwork!

thanks for ur hard work <3

Thankyou so much for this amazing collection of Japanese writers and BSD!

The translations from the BSD Library are amazing.

there's always more than one favorite character or author but it is hard to pick between them

This blog is has so many posts that have helped me to read these literary work and became an important part of my life. Thank you for all moderators for sharing these beautiful works.

This is an interesting survey for bsd franchise also for the people who like and read Japanese literature. As a casual franchise wanderer, I'd like to fill this for showing my country existence//slaps wwwwwwwww. Thank you for providing this survey. Salam Literasi!

This library is amazing!

This was fun!! I use the bsd-bibliophile tumblr a lot - reading the quotes helps me pick which book to read next!! Through reading the Japanese literature written by BSD characters, I’ve since found other Japanese authors I love like Sakutarō Hagiwara and Dan Kazou, too!!!! <3

To clarify some of my answers, The Japanese books I own are mostly children's books. My parents however, have some Japanese novels and short stories as they are from Japan (for example my mom has a copy of Kumo no Ito by Akutagawa). I never finished Setting Sun nor Kokoro. I got about halfway through both before I had to return it to the library. The only other jp lit I've read not including poems is like a quarter of Snow Country by Kawabata Yasunari.

would just like to thank you for always providing the resources for BSD fans! i have been introduced to some of my favourite all-time works since discovering your blog and your resources!

You have a great blog, thank you all!

You're doing amazing work. Thank you so much for all you do for this fandom and the Japanese literary sphere in general.

You’re the best!

Your blog is absolutely amazing and if i hadn't found it i wouldn't have been able to read any of the BSD authors' works, i downloaded each one that interested me in PDF from your blog, hence why i admire it so much and i am so grateful for it. It is obvious that you put a huge amount of work into this blog and i love to wake up to new quotes and fragments every day. Keep up the great work, with love, a reader from Romania!

Your blog is amazing. Keep up the great work! Much support ♥️

your blog is SO helpful for my master's thesis on japanese literature. there is basically nothing in my country about japanese authors and i cannot thank you enough for the work you have done. seriously you are saving my life !!!!!!!!!! i really hope you have a good day!!!! you are really awesome™

Your BSD Library is very helpful for me, thank you for your efforts on creating it!

Your website is great, and I really appreciate your work, it’s makes it so much easier to find Japanese literature and to find new authors.

Your work is beautiful and you have expanded my knowledge of international literature so much; thank you :)

#survey #results #2020 #japanese literature #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd-bibliophile

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ninjas-and-coffee · 3 years

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WU SUCKS but not the reason you think

I'd like to preface by saying Wu has made a lot of mistakes and should be held accountable. But like the main arguments against Wu be like.

1: Morro

2: Traumatizing kids

3: Keeping secrets

4: Mot treating his nephew like is damn nephew.

5: Flirting with his brothers wife.

And the thing about that needs talked about. 1:Morro. First off getting kids hopes is not cool. It can be detrimental to development depending on the age of the child. BUT. Not a single soul told Morro to train tirelessly for 60+ years after his death to take revenge and be the green ninja. Absolutly no one. Wu had compassion for his failings and wanted to show Morro he could still he great without being the green ninja. But the little brat ran tf off and got trapped and died. And he got cursed, how- we dont know. But its implied that it's either intentional entrapment or you have to be a terrible person, guess which category he probably falls into. Mind you Wu also told our OGs that they could also be the green ninja and none of them went off the rails to settle some invisible score. Morro made his choices and he made shit ones. Wu was an influence but not the problem. Morro is unstable, dramatic, and holds grudges Wu didnt cause that.

2: the traumatic experiences the nina go through are also not exactly his fault. He didnt just pick them off the streets. THERE WAS A PROPHECY. Ok? Yall with me. Fate isnt uncontrolled by anyone the ninja needed to be trained to help Lloyd fight the Overlord. That wasnt his decision. And yall act like the ninja couldn't leave whenever they wanted to. He didnt gaslight them or belittle them in anyway that wasnt for teaching. Please bring me receipts if you think otherwise. I do admit he could help a little more, be more clear, but when has a old magic teacher character ever been straightforward. With that logic fuck Dumbledore, and Gandalf, and any wise old teacher that goes to find chosen one who once again are chosen by fate not the master himself. Yall literally cant blame Wu for Child's Play and you cant blame Wu for their experience with Nadakhan either. The enemies that go out of there way to attack the ninja are not a direct cause if Wu himself. Usually. It be like blaming Garmadon for Chen. Yes they had history but it's still not his fault

3: Secrets. I will admit there is next to no reason for keeping secrets from the ninja. Considering history always has kind of score to settle. But considering his age and the apparent imprisonment or death of his past enemies there no way to predict every problem that comes back to screw him over. The Time Twins for example. Yes they came back for Wu. But he did remove their powers and separated them over 20+ years ago. They were not exactly threats to his new students now were they? Again with Aspheera, who was literally locked in a tomb why take the time to educate the ninja on a problem he had no idea was going to come back for him. Same with Morro to a more confusing degree. MORRO DIED. How was he to prepare the ninja for that? Yes please tell me how they were supposed to prepare for a dead guy. I'll wait.........k. he should be more forthcoming with the ninja, about things he knows could harm them, like the Serpentine after Lloyds released them, Chen, the Overlord, the effects of Travelers Tea, Tomorrow's Tea, Oni, Etc. But most of the time the ninja go and do it first then wonder why Wu didn't warn them.

4: His nephew. Wow his parenting sucks. Morro is not his damn child let's start there. Comparing their relationship is unfair. Wu cared for Morro the way he cares for Kai and Nya. He never accentuates a paternal relationship with then. Cause they are students, students he has to train with he intent to send them out onto dangerous battle fields and mind games. He was alone so yes it looks different but it's also a leap to just assume that Wu viewed Morro as his own despite treating him the exact same way as his 6 other students. Now back to Lloyd. Why didnt he get his nephew from Darkleys where it was known he ran away from multiple times? I DONT KNOW. No one does. That is a bad move I can only theorize about. Maybe Misako said something about staying away, maybe he wasnt kept in the loop about his nephews whereabouts due to idk KICKING HIS FATHER INTO HELL. C'mon yall. Now in the later seasons my best guess is that he doesnt know how to differentiate his nephew from the chosen one side and the goofy child side. Hes never had a child and his early relations with Lloyd were scarce and when Lloyd came to live with him. It's not due to some familial obligation, destiny literally called for it. Putting some definite strain on their relationship. I'm not excusing it he should try better, but he'd have to build a relationship from nothing and most people know their immediate family upon birth or during childhood which is not the case here. Wu treats his nephew more like a vessel of power than a person which isnt cool but knowing that the kid might not come back after every fight is a good damper on happy relationships is it not?

5: Misako. Good lord I don't have to explain this one. No excuse. It shouldn't be happening. BUT. After Garmadons death she was a free woman as gross as it is. It's more a flaw on her than it is him she chose to have a baby with one brother and still try to get with the other. And I know it takes two to tango but dont get mad at the idiot that the cheater is cheating with. Be mad at the cheater. The thing people really dont get about love triangles. The "other guy" brings on the questions/options but the person who cant choose or screws with both parties is the one in the wrong. Lloyd seems ok with it. Because Tommy said so. I dont particular give two shits about his take on the show half the time. If Lloyd were actively against it the Wu would probably stop. If the Fsm family acted like a normal ass family we probably wouldnt be here. But their priorities are a little screwy compared to typical nuclear families. Not an excuse just some perspective

NOW, why he is a bad character despite all of those arguments. he chooses to train soldiers rather than care for impressionable teens. Yes the situation called for it but the pressure could he alleviated if he decided to actually help before the world was on fire. He chooses to teach by experience than be upfront. Which works sometimes but not when actual lives are at stake. His trial by fire teaching works but the possiblity it could go wrong is to big to be brushed aside. His seemingly unreachable vault of empathy is hard to swallow. He rarely actually feels things for other people, his lack of enthusiasm when they pull through something hurts to watch. His lack of empathy about raising his nephew to attempt to kill his father is frightening. The pride he demonstrates by choosing not to disclose his past until it's too late is dangerous. He doesnt directly put down the ninja unless he has to and its more implied than anything and is on his students and this fandom for taking it so harshly. He trusts them a lot because he doesnt see them as kids anymore. They are warriors and it was necesary. He should have more compassion. He should be more straight forward, he should try to act like a person and not some ethereal being of elsewhere that doesn't have time to appease feelings or care about people until after hes wronged them. His values are off kilter sometimes which is whatever until it starts to hurt people

But yall need to stop blaming him for other people actions. Morro was a mess to begin with. His problems are in the past because he took care of them already. Misako came onto him. (He should have resisted but he didnt start shit she did). He needs to try to be an uncle alongside being a teacher. He needs to act like a fucking person more than the infinite cache of wisdom and unforeseen unused power that he acts like. And also it's a kids show. How many children think the way yall do?, we're teens/YAs we're reading into things. A LOT which makes everything more complicated. Comments rebuttals open. There's a collection of little mistakes hes made along the way that dont fit into these categories but these are the main reasons I know people hate him and the little things add fuel to the fire. I will legit talk about anything Except for the morro thing I am so tired of seeing it Morro made his choices hes a fucking Villain Wu didnt make him that way being a bitter asshole did that. Thanks for reading!! :3

#ninjago #coffee speaks #lloyd garmadon #fuckin misako #Wu ninjago #discourse #ranting #tw: negative #replies will be on my second account of there are any #trust me i hate him too #morro #tw: aldultery #not art

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refinedbuffoonery · 3 years

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Looking Through A Window (5)

macriley married undercover au

masterlist.

Admittedly, this is kind of a filler/transition chapter, but I have big plans for this story, and I’m really excited for y’all to read what happens next. Expect an update every weekend this month!

*****

The nightmare sinks its claws deeper as Mac tries to dislodge it. He knows it’s a dream, and Mac tosses and turns as he grapples for control of his mind.

The images in his mind persist. He's back in the Sandbox, but this time Bozer is with him, and Bozer's dying from a bullet wound before Mac can carry him to safety. Mac's had the dream a million times, and it always ends the same way.

I know you won’t let me die, Bozer says. But seconds later, his eyes turn glassy when his soul leaves his body.

Mac’s throat closes, cutting off his oxygen supply, and for a moment he thinks he’s going to follow Bozer into the afterlife.

It’s just a dream. He’s just lucid enough to remind himself of that. Wake up, Mac commands his body. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

The nightmare won’t let him.

Suddenly a different set of claws grip Mac’s shoulders, and the voice ordering him to wake up isn’t his own. He tries to jerk away, but the claws dig in.

Not claws, Mac realizes. Hands. Slender ones, with long fingers. Nails biting into his skin through his worn t-shirt.

He knows those hands.

“Wake up,” Riley hisses, and it’s enough to finally yank Mac from his dream. Mac’s eyes snap open, automatically scanning his surroundings. The bedroom is pitch black, but Mac can just make out Riley kneeling above him, her tired face twisted in concern. Her hands are on Mac’s shoulders, but not pinning him to the bed like he first thought. Her touch is light, and her thumbs make gentle sweeps across his collarbones. Mac’s own hands find Riley’s forearms, but he doesn’t push her away, nor does she lay back down. “You okay?” she asks.

Mac tries to play it off. “Yeah, bad dream. That’s all.” It’s a bit of an exaggeration, considering that he’s drenched in sweat and the final and most disturbing seconds of the dream are lingering longer than the rest. He knows it’s not real, but Mac can’t quite shake the sick feeling.

Riley exhales, and Mac finds himself mirroring her breathing automatically. Sliding a hand down to her wrist, he presses two fingers into her skin, feeling the steady thrum of her pulse. It’s faster than he expects.

Almost as if in explanation, Riley says, “You scared the shit out of the dog, not to mention me.”

Mac winces, feeling guilty. “Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Slowly, Riley releases him and lays back down, leaving plenty of space between them. Mac misses her touch the instant she lets go. “Want to talk about it?”

That throat-closing feeling returns as Mac contemplates what to tell her. Part of him wants to share, but a bigger part hesitates when the explanation dies on his tongue. “Not really,” he finally says.

“Okay.” Riley says, pausing. “You’re wide awake right now, aren’t you?”

This, at least, he can admit easily. “Yep.”

There’s another long pause, filled only with the soft sound of their exhales. Just when he’s about to tell Riley to stop worrying about him and go back to sleep, she says, “Come here.”

Mac stills. That weird tension still lingers between him and Riley, causing awkward silences and stilted conversations. So this…this is unexpected.

He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But, her voice is soft and reassuring, and who is he to turn down a free opportunity to cuddle with the woman he loves? Even if it might be a mistake.

As soon as Mac scoots across the bed, Riley pulls him into her side, guiding his head to rest on her non-injured shoulder. Riley’s side of the bed isn’t nearly as warm as his, but her body is soft and Mac likes how they fit together. Mac can’t help but sigh in contentment as Riley lightly scratches his scalp, and he lets an arm settle over her waist. They’ve fallen asleep together plenty of times over the years, but she’s never held him. Not like this. His heart pounds at the intimacy of it all.

But as Mac slowly starts to relax, the pulse in his ear doesn’t slow like it should. Because it’s not his heartbeat he’s hearing.

It’s hers.

Does that mean…?

“So,” Riley says, breaking the silence. “It’s later.”

The realization feels like a slap to the face. That’s why her heart is beating so fast. Not because of their close proximity, but because it’s later and there’s still that unresolved thing hanging between them. Mac’s fleeting hope that Riley’s racing pulse meant something else is nothing more than a fantasy in his head.

Swallowing his disappointment, Mac starts, “Riley, I really am sorry—” She cuts him off.

“Stop. You don’t need to apologize again. I forgave you the first time.” Her fingers sweep behind his ear, making him shiver slightly. “It’s my turn.” Riley takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry for not listening to you. Like, really listening. Your concerns are legit, and I shouldn’t have brushed them aside and followed Matty blindly.”

Oh.

“I hate this situation just as much as you do, and I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.” Her voice catches slightly. “Also, I lied to you this morning, in the car. I knew I needed to apologize. I just didn’t know how to say it yet.”

Pointedly ignoring the intimacy of the gesture, Mac brushes his thumb over her ribs in a way he hopes is reassuring. “It’s okay.”

Riley tenses beneath him, and Mac freezes instantly. “It’s not, but thanks for saying that anyway,” she murmurs, relaxing again. Her fingers resume their path through his hair, catching on the occasional tangle.

Mac doesn’t know how to reassure her that it really is okay. So instead he confesses, “Sometimes I hate this job.”

She’s quiet for a few long seconds before responding. “Me too.”

It’s weird voicing it aloud. They’re all painfully aware of the downsides to the job, but rarely does anyone directly mention it. Maybe Riley is on a similar page as him after all.

Mac questions, “Are we doing the right thing? Playing along and letting innocent people get hurt just so we can take down the whole organization at once?” He needs to know her answer…needs confirmation that this whole op isn’t just one massive wrong choice.

“I think the good we do outweighs the bad,” Riley says after a few moments. “At least that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.” She shifts, and for a brief, exhilarating moment, their hips press together before she pushes her knee uncomfortably into his thigh. Mac squirms, trying and failing to find a good position, ultimately taking a chance by slotting his leg between hers. Riley inhales sharply, but she doesn’t push him away. Mac tries not to read into it. Lying like this is intimate and intense and yet so easy. So right.

Mac pushes the heady feeling aside, ignoring the way it crackles in the background, threatening to consume him. They need to have this conversation, without distraction. Even welcome ones.

“Riley, we helped them kill people,” he says, and Riley’s hand stills in his hair.

“We can’t save everyone, Mac."

The thrumming in his body stops so quickly Riley might as well have dumped a bucket of ice water on him.

His heart cracks as she softly repeats, "We just can't." Like maybe she's breaking her own heart too by saying it.

He wants to kiss her chest—to press his lips to her heart in an attempt to soothe the ache there.

Mac understands all too well. It’s not the countless lives they have saved that stick with him, but the few they couldn’t. Zoe, the researcher who drowned in the Arctic to save her students. Jill, who fell victim to one of Murdoc’s murderous games. Charlie, who sacrificed himself so Mac wouldn’t have to choose between saving his friend and saving hundreds of innocent people. Lasky, the nuclear plant engineer who was just doing his job. Mac’s father. His aunt. Jack.

Riley clears her throat. "So, yeah. I think we are doing the right thing. It just sucks.”

Mac agrees, even though he can hardly admit it to himself. But there’s still one thing he doesn’t understand. “I don’t get how Matty seemed so okay with all of this,” he says.

“Come on, Mac. You know Matty hates this just as much as we do. She wouldn’t ask us to play along if she didn’t think it was necessary.” Riley’s fingers resume their steady, sweeping path through his hair, and Mac takes comfort in the gesture.

He sighs. “You sound like Jack.”

“I learned from the best. Don’t tell him I said that,” Riley warns, but Mac can hear the smile in her voice.

He tilts his face toward the ceiling, imagining Jack looking down at them from whatever afterlife he found himself in. “You hear that, old man? She admitted to learning something from you.”

Riley snorts, giving Mac’s hair a sharp tug. “Oh shut up.” She means it to be playful, but it sends a bolt of desire through his body.

It’s too much, with her hand in his hair and their bodies intertwined, and the intimacy may very well burn Mac alive. Every nerve in his body goes on high alert, and his grip on Riley’s rib cage tightens automatically.

“Sleep,” she murmurs, clearly mistaking the tension in his body as coming from somewhere—anywhere—else. Riley is one of the smartest, most perceptive people Mac knows, and yet she has no idea how he feels about her. Maybe that’s a good thing, he reasons. It’s easier that way. Less complicated.

Although full-on front-to-front cuddling isn’t not complicated.

It doesn't take long for the gentle pressure of Riley's fingers to win out, and Mac melts into her touch, letting his body grow heavy. Sleep beckons, and his eyelids flutter shut of their own accord as Riley wraps her free arm around his back, pulling him closer. Again, he thinks she feels like safety.

In his last moments of consciousness, Mac mumbles, “I like this,” before drifting back to sleep.

*****

For the first time, Riley is already out of bed when Mac wakes, and he’s positive it has something to do with the fact that he’s still on her side of the bed.

Cuddling with her was a mistake. Even if it led to the best sleep he’s had in a long time.

Burying his face in Riley’s pillow, Mac takes a deep breath. It smells like her. He hears the front door open and close, and then Riley’s muffled voice fills the apartment. Mac can’t quite pick up what she’s saying, but he thinks she’s on the phone rather than talking to Harley.

Suddenly getting up seems like a daunting task.

Not caring if it makes him a coward, Mac stays in bed, taking the opportunity to study the bedroom decor. This is day nine of the op, and before now Mac never bothered to appreciate the work someone put into setting up the safe house. It’s too modern and minimalist for his taste, but he has to admit it looks nice. The bedroom walls are a soft light gray, with a handful of paintings of different sizes and framed photos of him, Riley, and Harley scattered throughout. More of the photos Bozer took are in the hallway, but Mac’s never given those more than a cursory glance.

Across from the bed sits the single, expensive-looking dresser, with overstuffed drawers that don’t quite shut all the way. One of Riley’s drawers is completely open, and the t-shirt she wore to bed last night hangs haphazardly over the edge.

Mac’s eyes catch on the photo sitting on top of the dresser, beside the plant he keeps forgetting to water. It’s one of the wedding photos, and it’s the only photo Mac has really paid attention to, since he stares at it every day while getting dressed. The photo is of Riley and him slow dancing, and she’s looking at him like he hung the moon. And he’s looking at her the exact same way.

More than anything, Mac wishes it was real.

The bedroom door creaks open, and Mac cranes his neck to see Harley’s fluffy head peek through. She doesn’t enter. Instead, Harley watches him cautiously, almost like she wasn’t expecting him to be awake and is now unsure what to do.

Mac pats the mattress. “It’s okay. Come on.” When she doesn’t move, he adds, “I’m sorry I scared you last night.” His apology must be enough, because Harley jumps on the bed with him. She stands between his outstretched legs as Mac rakes his hands through her fur, scratching her butt the way she likes. “How about I get you a new toy to make up for it?” he asks. Tail wagging, Harley licks his face in approval, and Mac laughs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Riley raises her voice—she’s complaining about something, although Mac still can’t determine what—and both Mac and Harley turn their attention to the sound.

Harley looks back at him, and Mac starts to think that he wasn’t far off the other day when he noticed Harley playing protector. He smiles softly. “Go check on her.”

Harley jumps off the bed immediately, surprising Mac when she glances back at him on her way out the door.

Still smiling, Mac gets up to start his day.

By the time he emerges from the bedroom, Riley is playing fetch with Harley in the living room while she’s on the phone. Surprised the call has lasted this long, Mac raises his brow, silently asking who she’s talking to, and Riley holds up a finger. One second.

While he’s waiting, Mac wanders into the kitchen in search of breakfast.

Riley’s next throw ricochets off the wall, and the tennis ball hits Mac’s thigh. “What do you mean he’s not in the database?” she shrieks. “Bozer, practically every criminal in the world is in that database.”

Mac freezes midway through unwrapping a muffin.

Riley pinches her nose. “Then run the sketch through the DMV database. The guy who tailed me has to exist somewhere.”

He swallows. “Tailed?”

“Hang on, Boze. Mac just walked in.” Exasperated, Riley moves her phone away from her face. “I took Harley for a walk while you were still asleep, and some guy tailed me. Don’t worry, I lost him long before returning to the apartment.”

Mac bristles. Riley had been in danger, and he was asleep. Why didn’t she tell him where she was going? He tries not to think about all the bad things that could’ve happened. “You think this guy is part of the Patriots?”

Shrugging, Riley says, “That makes the most sense. But it’s hard to know for sure when we don’t have personnel records.”

That’s just one of many problems with this op—no official list of known members of the Patriots. Mac and Riley have no choice but to learn about people the old-fashioned way.

Pinning her phone between her cheek and her shoulder, Riley retrieves the tennis ball from under the couch, her voice muffled as she asks, “Got anything, Boze?” A few seconds later, she groans, but Mac can’t tell whether it’s because of Bozer’s answer or the amount of hair now stuck to the visibly soggy tennis ball in her hands. He makes a mental note to vacuum again. “Thanks for trying,” she says before hanging up.

Treading carefully, Mac asks, “Well?” He doesn’t need to be a genius to know that she’s still rattled, no matter how much she tries to downplay it.

“His name is Peter Morrison, and he has three speeding tickets. That’s it.” Still holding the tennis ball, Riley’s shoulders slump as she sits on the arm of the couch. Confused why she stopped playing, Harley stands between Riley’s legs and whines, nosing Riley’s hand in an attempt to get her to throw the ball again.

When Riley doesn’t oblige her, Mac asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” Riley says, but her voice is tight and she bristles when he moves closer. He knows she’s lying—they’ve both been lying a lot recently—but what Mac doesn’t understand is why. He knows why he’s lying, but why does Riley still feel the need to hide how she’s feeling from him?

It’s like the intimacy of last night never happened.

Mac takes the wet, hairy tennis ball from her hands and throws it for Harley. “Do you want a hug or help kicking someone’s ass?” The question earns him a small smile, one that makes Mac’s heart flutter in his chest.

“I was thinking more along the lines of punching someone in the face, but I suppose we can kick them too,” she quips. Mac laughs, and the corners of Riley’s eyes crinkle as her smile widens.

“Sounds like a plan.” Harley brings the ball back and drops it at Mac’s feet. “Last throw,” he tells her, knowing full well it won’t be. Turning his attention back to Riley, he asks, “How’s your shoulder?”

Absent-mindedly, Riley’s fingers trace the outline of a bruise peeking out from beneath her tank top. “It hurts. You grabbed it in your sleep last night, and I almost screamed.”

Mac grimaces. “Sorry.” He wants to ask about last night and make sure they’re okay, but the words refuse to form. “I’m going to call Conrad and make him explain, okay?”

“Okay.” Riley nods. For a second, it seems like she wants to say something more, but she ultimately doesn’t. Honoring her implicit request for space, Mac briefly squeezes her arm as he walks away. The gesture is a promise: I’m here.

*****

“This is unacceptable,” Mac growls at Ethan, later that day. After giving Conrad an earful over the phone, apparently Mac made a big enough fuss to warrant a visit from the leader of the Patriots himself. They meet in public—neutral ground—at a park not unlike the one across the street from Mac and Riley’s apartment. It feels wrong to use the term safe house, since it’s not as safe as they thought.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, James,” Ethan placates. “It’s simply standard business procedure. I’m sure you researched us before formally offering your services.”

Mac barely stops himself from making a face. Oh they researched the Patriots, all right. “Of course we did.” He really should do a better job of holding his snark at bay, but Mac lets it tint his words anyway. “But we didn’t invade individual members’ privacy or threaten anyone’s personal safety.”

“My employee did not and would not have hurt your wife. She was never in danger, I can assure you.”

“And how was she supposed to know that?” He’s borderline yelling, but Mac is too pissed to care. The more Ethan tries to convince him the situation is okay, the more Mac wishes they were closer to the playground so he could strangle Ethan with the chain from the swings. He snarls, “Explain that to me.”

Ethan, it seems, is at a rare loss for words. Mac waits, forcing the other man to fill the silence. “I suppose she wouldn’t have,” Ethan finally admits, although he shows no sign of backing down.

Mac stands. “Don’t let this happen again.” He starts to walk away, content with having the last word, but Mac stops dead in his tracks when Ethan calls after him.

“If you won’t comply with the way we do things, then I guess we’ll just have to find someone else.”

Mac spins on his heel. “That’s bullshit,” he spits. “You need us. You won’t find anyone better, at least not that you can afford, and we both know it. Your organization is small potatoes right now, but with our support, the Patriots could join the big leagues. So it’s up to you to decide whether you’re content with throwing your money at a pipe dream or if you want to actually accomplish something.” Ethan is taller than him, but Mac manages to look down at him anyway—something he learned from Matty. “The choice is yours. Let me know when you’ve made it.”

Without waiting for a response, Mac shoves his hands in his pockets and walks away, praying he didn’t just ruin the whole op.

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#beth writes #looking through a window au #macriley #macgyver #macgyver fanfiction #angus macgyver #riley davis

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keepcalm-and-beyou · 4 years

Text

Serial Killer Boyfriend

YoungFP x Reader

Werewolves howl, Phantoms prowl, where witches go riding and black cats are seen, the moon full and bright whispers tis Halloween.

It feels like magic in the night when you see the pumpkins light. Time for the ghouls and ghost to seek goodies, for people hoping for treats not tricks.

Halloween time in our town with pep. Everyone from school invited and some not invited to this years Spooktacular Party surely must be getting ready as i am.

🎃Now I have a story that I'd like to tell About this guy you all know him, he had me scared as hell! He comes to me at night after I crawl into bed He's burnt up like a weenie and his name is Fred!🎃

As A nightmare on my street song plays on my radio I apply my lipstick and smile when the song mentions the name Fred as it makes me think of my friend Fred Andrews, i also cant help but love the nightmare on elm street movie. Freddy Kruger what an intense killer to get you in your precious dreams i hope they make more movies like that. A noise interrupted my thoughts slightly making me jump. heading towards where it had come from i look out my window to the left then right side seeing some children running around on my street dressed up in their costumes trick or treating, the street lights shinned on my street sign that read ELM STREET.

Thinking the noise must of been from those who are outside simply wanting candy i turn away from the half way open window i scream as i felt something grab my arm from where the window was i turn fast to face it seeing my boyfriend trying to climb through the window. I let a relived sigh leave my lips and step back in no mood to help him through my window but to watch his struggle he sure deserves it after that stunt.

“Thank for the help babe” FP says sarcastically while finally getting him self through my window his eyes not yet even looking really at me until he stands up straight turning to fully face where i was standing by my bedroom wall.

FP’s eyebrows raised in what looked like surprise “Wow babe, damn you look good not like that’s anything new”

“Well i tried thank you, uh what are you suppose to be, some poor victim of a serial killer stabbing, some messed up boy with mommy issues and a daddy who just doesn't seem to love him the same these days who has a issue filled girlfriend that seems so awkward all the time who probably kills his own girlfriend because ya know always some bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend, he must of watched way to many movies” I ask him as he slowly creeps closer to where i have been standing. This is when i notice the knife in his hand. It sure don’t look like the typical cheap fake ones used for such things as Halloween costumes. That makes me raise an eyebrow at the sharp metal in his hand. Fps eyes caught my reaction to his choice in accessory for his costume and he smirks getting closer to me.

“Nah babe this blood is of my victims” he smirks wider as his eyes seem to burn into mine “I’m the killer” he adds while he brings his knife up to his bottom lip resting it there.

“Shit does that mean i’m the girlfriend you want to kill for some bullshit reason” i fake seriousness.

“Hmm I think ill keep you around you look to good to ruin that tight outfit” he smirks checking me out.

“Thanks. Oh and next time use the front door you ass”

“Did i give you a fright” FP stalks even closer to just inches apart. Like he is stalking his prey. I deny that he frightened me and i lightly push him backwards from my bubble of space done with his creepy killer vibes in my bedroom and wanting to get my party on.

Walking out my front door like a normal none creepy person uses i turn to FP “Your not really gonna walk around with that legit knife are you, because that seems like big ole trouble to me”

“You have no idea” FP says quietly but loud enough to hear him. I watch as he passes by me down my steps and put the knife into a holster on his jeans.

“Wait what?” I ask confused on his statement. only for him to act as if he never heard me.

I spot a boy who looks like our friend a small ways down coming from his front lawn as we approach and it is indeed my best guy friend!

“Oh my gosh Fred i love it i absolutely approve of this years choice in costume” I say excitedly going to hug him not caring for his eyes to slightly open wider at my revealing chest area.

“You look.. uh wow yeah wow a good wow very good wow” Fred rambled

“Watch it Fred” FP warned in what seemed to be a half joke half serious threat as he slaps Fred’s check lightly and they do a quick bro hug.

“Awe my guys, my killer boyfriend and killer best friend, my Freddy as Freddy i love it, glad you didn’t go with a mask of Freddy Kruger though i prefer your pretty face” I smack Fred on the same cheek FP had done.

“I knew you would” Fred smiles.

“Okay i could use a drink and Hiram douche as rich as he is must have plenty at his party so hurry up move it along” FP says nodding his head ahead of us indicating for us to start walking that way.

Hiram Lodge, rich and rude mostly describes him. someone who many of us don’t particularly like. Fred dislikes him for many reasons one being Hermione Gomez the girl Fred was into and thought she could be the one. Until she chose Hiram and his pearls over Fred and his heart. FP dislikes him for many of the same reasons Fred does but one being Me the ex girlfriend of Hiram, I thought he could be the one until our once fun filled relationship turned into a cold one into a distant one into me choosing FP over Hiram. But hey a party with free booze is our kind of party and we got the invite well me and Fred did anyways.

Walking through the streets of Riverdale seeing all the Halloween decorations like the lights from jack-o lanterns and ghosts hanging from trees, feeling the chilling vibes of the magic that is Halloween night run through my body, the feel of a cold hand in mine making me smile at my serial killer looking boyfriend.

I watch as few children pass us by seeing the looks shared by Fred and FP raising my eyebrow at what they could be thinking then suddenly the two teenagers yell and jump forward towards the little kids scaring them making the children scream and run off. Rolling my eyes at the two men in front of me laughing like hyenas.

“Real mature boys” I say unimpressed at the child like behaviour

“Its Halloween y/n lighten up” Fred laughs

“Yeah babe its meant to be scary” FP adds

“True but no need to terrorise little kids” I shake my head at them. And continue our walk.

Nearing the house holding the Halloween party hosted by Hiram i notice some familiar faces as much as i can being with all the Halloween costumes. my eyes came upon sierra dressed as wonder woman, a perfect costume for her and her girl power woman on a mission thing she has going on. a short distance a way as well seeing tom Keller in a army costume, another typically perfect costume for the boy.

The outside of the house isn't much decorated i try to push through some of my fellow classmates with FP and Fred hot on my tail walking through the front doors. I’m impressed by what my eyes are seeing the many outstanding lights making the house look like a nightclub ready for teenagers to dance the night away, i see Halloween theme streamers and garland, hanging bats all over the roof of the house, your typical mini orange pumpkins and some painted black placed on tables, and my favourite of all the creepy images on the walls that change.

“Boy Hiram of course with all the crap” FP looks around at all the decorations as i was. “Think he’s compensating for something Fred” FP chuckles looking to Fred who’s standing next to him. Fred laughs at his best friends remark.

“No comment” I smirk barley looking towards FP to see his glare thrown my way.

“Speak of the devil” Fred nods his head to where Hiram is walking towards us. Hiram lodge strolls head high nearing us wearing a medieval king costume, it makes me want to laugh at another super typical costume for the boy who think’s he is a real king, only kind of royal he happens to be is a royal pain in the ass.

“Well well well a sight for sore eyes, in all her black beauty” Hiram steps closely in front of me with that stupid smirk and ignorant eyes. I simply fake a big smile as my only response.

“Fred” Hiram greets in a major Hiram way that doesn't sound very greeting like. so Fred does the same. My eyes moves back and fourth between the two and landing on Hiram as his eyes land on my exposed chest thanks to my Elvira costume. This doesn't go unnoticed by my serial killer boyfriend who steps in front of me chest puffed out and eyes murdering the rich man who only smirks more at the exchange.

“Ah FP Jones i do believe you were not sent an invite but by all means enjoy my humble adobe, oh but please don’t let your serpent behaviour disturb my gathering”

“Hiram” is heard from behind him of course coming from Hermione. I roll my eyes at her presence dressed as a medieval queen. “Hello glad you guys can attend” she says playing the dutiful girlfriend.

“Mhm thanks” I say in the most super fake tone i can muster up and a smile to go with it as i move past them farther into the home of the devil incarnate.

Pouring my self a much needed beverage as FP pushes some guy lightly out of his way to reach a bottle of whiskey taken the whole thing for him self.

“Are you really just gonna take the whole thing?” i chuckle

“What like he cant afford to lose out on one damn bottle y/n”

“Okay then” i let out a small sigh hoping FP doesn't get to hammered.

“Hey it saves me from having to stab someone to move out my way for a drink” FP pulls out his knife he had in his holster waving it around near our faces with a wide smile. I’m not sure if its because it Halloween that this whole dressed in blood serial killer thing is legit creepy, but hey its pretend right.

“Stop waving that thing in my face before you make me lose an eye you psycho” I tell him half jokingly. he just stares at me for a moment like contemplating on something, maybe something i said. But finally after making a clicking noise with his tongue he puts the knife back into his holster.

“Good boy” I teasingly say to him as i grab his chin giving him a kiss to his cheek.

Hand in hand we walk around for a bit saying a few hellos to some friends of mine as FP stays silent drinking from his bottle and eyeing a few people dangerously creepy. We enter the dining room seeing people including Fred playing beer pong.

“Y/n come be on my team I’m kicking Tom’s ass” Fred shouts to where i stand with FP by the entrance. FP looks annoyed at the thought but i don’t care he can brood and mood alone for 5 minutes well i kick some major Keller toosh.

“Oh Keller boy its on” i challenge as Fred cheers at my comment.

I stand tall and elegantly yet cockily toss the ping pong ball, it lands perfectly into a cup filled half way with beer in front of Tom. Tom of course drinks it. Fred and I throw a few more times ultimately winning which causes us much joy giving us the need to jump around cheering for our self’s along with others in the room, i jump into Fred’s arms smiling at our victory he spins me around laughing.

“That was awesome y/n” Fred smiles as he put me down.

“Tha-” I’m cut off by the dark voice of FP

“I thought i said watch it” he remarks dryly to Fred as Fred gives him an unsure look.

“Wow okay babe laying on the crazy tonight real hard don’t you think” I tell FP furrowing my eyebrows at the bloody boy. FP scoffs and Fred backs away slowly to leave me to deal with my crazy boo.

FP moves close to my ear and says “Nah what would be crazy is if someone losses a hand because they can’t keep them off you” and he tilts his head in that weird way like a challenging way. Then all of a sudden he’s laughing. I can’t help my face reacting as if he has gone mad.

“Let’s keep checking out the place babe” FP says in his normal tone as if he wasn't just a crazy jealous boyfriend. And put’s his arm around my shoulders.

We came across a room that seems like a second living room it looks like the teenagers in it are playing a game as they all sit in whats suppose to be a circle.

“Oh look its Y/n, care to indulge us in a game of secrets and sins” Penelope’s voice rang out. she use to be a decent human being but it seems her adopted family the blossoms have really done a number on her after she accepted to be with Clifford her adopted brother. honestly I’m unsure if its even legal.

“I don’t know about that one” I shrug not really in the mood to share a secret of any sorts.

“Are you scared to tell us something” Clifford chimes in as he is sitting next to the red headed sister girlfriend of his.

“Let’s go babe” FP grumbles in my ear. But i shake my head at his words.

“No no i’ll stay” I smile and take a seat on one of the few couches in the room that have space. FP stay’s standing by the door.

“Well that makes it your turn y/n, any sinful secrets you might wanna share” Penelope asks with a wicked smirk plastered on her face as if she already knows any secrets i may have.

“Hmm i cheated on a math test once, no that’s a lame one, uh i keyed Hiram’s car after we broke up” that last so called secret made FP chuckle. but Penelope rolled her eyes not amused by my choices of secrets.

“I have a obsession with the movie the heather's i do as well imagine poisoning my classmates, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate” i tell Penelope with a small smile. She lets out a huff still not amused.

“So that’s your big secrets? Really. I think not Elm Street girl” she says smiling at me. Causing me to raise my eyebrow. And she continues on.

“You know who else lives on Elm Street, Fred Andrews right? Your friend, your boyfriends friend” she drags on

“So do you have a point or are you just obtuse” I laugh in my head at my own joke sense obtuse is opposite of something pointy.

“Funny. You like to do a lot with that mouth of yours, like talk when know one cares to listen or make out with Fred Andrews when you think know ones looking” she smiles deviously as my eyes widen in shock.

“What?!” is heard from the door FP in fit of rage.

“Wait let me explain” I say to FP but he doesn't hear it he’s to busy pushing his way out of the bedroom door so i follow him.

“FP can you slow down what are you doing let me explain” I yell for him to hear me but all i see is him on a hunt. oh no probably for Fred. Poor Fred.

Fp reaches Fred who is in the big living room area where the drinks are and teenager’s dancing. FP grab’s Fred by his shirt throwing him into a wall swiftly reaching for his knife

‘FP no” i shout as i near the two boys.

“What the hell FP” Fred asks his best friend.

“I outta kill you boy” FP barks in Fred face now holding his knife to his throat.

“FP stop please its not what you think i swear” I plead with my now looking like a real serial killer boyfriend.

“Y/n whats going on? Why do you have a knife? wait is that a real knife FP?!” Fred asks a bunch of questions in his nervous and scared state. We all barley notice the music had turned down a bit and people were gasping and whispering amongst them self's.

“You touched my girl!” FP says lowly very low dangerously low.

Fred looks beyond shocked at the news his best friend knew. He was speechless.

“FP please let’s talk outside or in a quite room” i beg of him.

“Screw this” FP says angrily and grab’s Fred again by the shirt only to throw him into the wall once more before backing away. “You better watch out boy” FP threatens Fred. FP disappear’s into the house and I tend to Fred.

“Oh my gosh are you okay i cant believe he just went that psycho” I held onto Fred’s head looking over his neck and face for any injuries. Seeing a small cut from the knife on is neck, making me cringe at the fact my boyfriend did that.

“I’m okay y/n how did he find out?” Fred asks looking guilty

“Secrets and sins and one red headed bitch of a blossom” I remark coldly.

“I’m going to find the bathroom see if i need anything for my neck” Fred tells me as he starts to move towards the door way.

I should look for FP to tell him the truth the whole truth to that secret. The fact that it was before i chose to be with FP, it was a drunk bad judgement call right after my break up with Hiram.

Its been some time looking for FP i think its safe to say he left the party. Maybe that’s a good thing give him some space to calm down and when he wants to talk i’ll gladly talk to him. I haven't seen Fred in awhile either, if he ditched me i’m going to kill that athletic guitar playing boy. No sign of my best friend and the party has majorly died down with only a few students i barley know from school and the few i do know decently well like Sierra, Tom, Penelope and Clifford, Marty Mantle and Darryl Doiley and of course the host him self and his little girlfriend Heromine.

I look around some more for Fred so we can leave, i check anywhere i can including upstairs. I come across a room at the very end of the hall and open the door slowly “Hello anyone in here?” I ask not wanting to intrude on anyone's personal business. There’s no answer. I cant make much of what’s in the room it’s very dark until i find the nearest light switch flicking it on my eyes instantly see a body on the ground.

“Oh my god Fred?!” I move fast towards the body now seeing the crimson colour seeping through his shirt as if he has been stabbed. I couldn't control it my mouth had i mind of its own as it let out a screeching sound of horror at the sight of my best friend bleeding not a single movement made on the floor.

I stood in shock for a moment after my scream rang through the walls catching the attention of a few of my fellow classmates as they run into the room.

I hear gasps and what happened and omgs come from a few mouths as i stare eyes wide open at Fred on the ground. I see Tom get closer to Fred’s body when i snap out of my trance of horror.

“Wait don’t touch his body!” i spit out before anyone can lay a finger on the boy.

Everyone looks at me as i’m insane.

“Finger prints and moving a body is like what tampering with a crime scene and if you have your finger prints on him guess who’s a suspect of murder” I tell everyone sternly.

“We need to see if he is breathing!” Tom says freaked out.

I move closer to Fred’s unconscious body not enough to touch and tell everyone to shut the hell up so i can listen for his breathing, I hear nothing. I then put my hand in front of his nose and mouth to see if i can feel air coming from his bloody body, I can not.

“He’s not breathing guys.. he’s dead” i cry out covering my mouth in more shock. I hear little cries from the girls Heromine and Sierra.

“This can’t be happening my parents will kill me if i through a party and there happens to be a dead body laying around” Hiram sighs

“My dad is probably gonna kick my ass” I hear Marty say in a fearful tone.

“We need to call the cop’s” Tom says

“I don’t know about that” Clifford chimes in.

“What are you talking about that’s what your suppose to do, unless you killed him?” Tom shouts back at Clifford. as Clifford scoffs

“This could ruin our life’s what colleges are wanting to accept people involved in a murder” Penelope say’s.

“Was that a confession?” Darryl Doiley ask’s The red head rolls her eye’s

“Who would do this” I let tear slip from my eyes.

Everyone looks around at one another eyes scanning each other with possible thoughts that one of us killed Fred Andrews.

“Hiram. I bet it was Hiram” Penelope says smugly as always these days.

“And why would I do that?” Hiram asks in almost to good to be true calm manner. Everyone turns their heads to Penelope so she can further explain her accusations.

“Oh please you never did like the boy so much you even stole his girlfriend” she replies nodding towards Hermione who still have many tears on her face.

“Please you strike me for the killing type both you Blossom’s and your weird family” Hiram spits back to the red headed girl.

“This is so not cool guys we need to do something” Sierra says.

“Yeah like the cops’” Tom says again

“No, no cop’s, not until we figure who might have done it” Hiram speaks.

“We can all point fingers at each other but nothing proves either of us did it” I tell them hoping their madness would stop i haven't even had time to really wrap my head around the dead body of my best friend.

“What about FP” Darryl Doiley speaks up from the corner of the room he’s been hiding in sense he came in after my scream. Everyone turns to look at the Doiley boy at the same time with looks that say what about him.

“He had a knife right he held it to Fred’s throat and went all psycho doesn't that prove anything” Darryl continued

“This is true, FP did have a weapon and is well crazy” Hiram says as a matter of fact. I roll my eyes at him.

“No way he wouldn't .. I don’t think he would, oh my no no he couldn't” i say unsure in my own words that my boyfriend and Fred’s best friend would commit such a crime.

“I don’t know the look in his eyes sure showed insanity” Penelope spoke

“Y/n it might be true look at the facts he was mad at Fred, he held Fred at knife point, and threatened him. It doesn’t look good for FP” Tom states

“What doesn't look good for me” FP appears in the door way of the room giving us all a fright many of us jumping at his voice. Some of our eyes wide in fear to see him in front of us hearing us talk about him. The girls Heromine, Sierra and Penelope move further away from him as they practically huddle together, Darryl and Marty look terrified, while Hiram and Tom have no expressions on their faces, then there’s me standing in the middle of everyone beside Fred’s body not knowing what to say and trying hard to keep my face a normal looking way.

“Say hey what happened here” FP says what almost seems like a question but more of a taunt, he takes a step inside the room with his head tiled in that creepy way he does.

“Get away from us you murderer” Penelope shouts at him.

“Hmm that’s not very nice” FP smirks deviously at her as he pulls out his knife pointing it at her “You are not very nice” he tell’s her. He looks at everyone in the room ‘In fact none of you really are. Not to me that’s for damn sure” he clicks his tongue.

“Hey man we no what you did and its cool we wont say anything to anyone” Marty tells FP in hopes to get out of a killer situation. FP just laughs at the boys attempts.

“FP tell them you didn't hurt Fred i know you didn't right?” i ask my own hopes rising

“We know you killed him FP” Hiram says to him

“How do we know your not the killer? huh? you like scary movies maybe your movie freak mind lost its reality button ever think of that” FP says challenging Hiram's words. Hiram scoffs.

“Okay well if FP didn't do it and none of us did lets just call the cops” Tom says starting to walk towards the door when FP’s knife ends up nearing his face

“Na na na Keller get back” FP demands so Tom goes back to his spot by Fred’s body and near me. I look to Fred’s dead body and to FP, feeling a wave of sadness wash over me finally seeing it feeling it , that FP killed him. My eyes water as i take small slow step to FP who bares his knife still in front of him.

“Why FP.. please tell me why” I cry slowly moving toward my killer boyfriend.

“Why y/n! why!” he shouts manically making me jump. He turns to face the door he had just shut then back to me.

Suddenly FP steps to me grabbing me by my throat facing me to everyone has his grip is tight on my neck keeping me in place close to him.

“Listen FP” Sierra says trying to defuse the ticking bomb

“No you listen you little bitch! Anyone moves and ill be happy to see what your insides look like. Takes the strength of a man to gut someone ya know” FP barks

“You all and your privileged life’s, you northsiders think your so better then everyone else!” FP shouts and his grip gets even tighter on my throat making me whimper. “Not anymore” FP drags his knife on my face as he speaks but not hard enough to cut into my skin.

“We are sorry i’m sorry we all are sorry!” Sierra shouts

“You don’t have to do this FP let y/n go” Tom says calmly reaching his hand out

“Let her go FP” Hiram says more demanding

“Please FP you don’t have to hurt anyone” Heromine chimes in

“Oh my ” Penelope mumbles

“Dude come on please” Darryl cries out

“We’re sorry dude” Marty says but not enough meaning to believe it.

“If any of us made you feel less then us we are sorry if any of us picked on you we are sorry or if we made fun of you FP” Sierra speaks again apologising for everyone. And everyone’s voice rings out say yes and yeah’s agreeing to what she had said in fear for their life’s.

“Nah” FP says then quickly spins me to face him and send’s his knife into my stomach instantly my hands go to the wound i feel the wet substance and my knees hit the floor as horror painful sounds escape my lips everyone runs to me as i turn around best i can hands red and dripping, the girls faces wet with tears the guys faces filled with horror i take one last look at my stomach hand covering it again.

“Gotcha” my head snaps up to everyone as i smile wide

“Really I’m dead no one calls the cop’s ” Fred says from the floor with his face looking towards us all.

“What?!” everyone shouts with wide eyes and still horrified yet shocked faces all around.

“Good job FP” Fred smiles getting up from the floor. “Man that’s tough playing dead for that long so glad no one saw me breathing when i needed to”

“You did great man” FP smiles

“But the blood” Hermione asks

“Corn syrup” I reply with a smile

“You are all seriously insane” Sierra says

“That was not funny” Hiram adds sternly

“Holy heck thank god” Tom sighs of relief

“I can’t believe you guys” Heromine says shaking her head in dismay.

“Not cool” Marty adds

“You had us all going” Penelope says in boredom

“Yeah” Clifford adds not making eye contact with anyone probably embarrassed that he got fooled.

“Well can’t say you guys didn’t deserve it” FP smiles a normal smile not a creepy one at last.

“Happy Halloween guys” Fred smiles

“I got me one hot serial killer boyfriend” I put my arm around FP’s waist as his arm goes around my shoulder.

“Happy Halloween” FP and i say at the same time to everyone.

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queenangst · 4 years

Note

it’s prompt time!!! ik it’s probably been done a million times, but i legit NEVER get bored of ofareveal!izuku !!! maybe it gets revealed to the entire class?? or to the teachers or just aizawa??? i’ll love whatever you write!!!!

for my 30 min fic challenge / send a prompt, and i’ll write you a fic in 30 mins / read more: ‘30 min fics’ tag | commission me!

note: i might do a part two to this on ao3!

the order of things [read on AO3]

The day ends with Midoriya and All Might leaving the classroom together in a very suspicious and not at all well-hidden way.

Shouta rolls his eyes after them. The rest of the class is packing up, gathering their things and chattering away about the little things. As he always does, he filters out the conversation but still picks up a few pieces, small jewels of information. Asui will be going home for the weekend, excited to see her sister; Yaoyorozu asking Satou to teach her how to make his favorite mochi; Kirishima and Kaminari making bets about who will win in their video game tournament. At least the bones they break are only virtual.

The only person who doesn’t move immediately is Bakugou. He seems to have noticed the same thing Shouta has; his eyes are dark, fixed on the door that Midoriya has just left through. His mouth twitches, almost into a smile before it turns into a frown, and he shoves himself from his seat and joins his other friends.

Shouta is careful to wait before he leaves the classroom, too.

“See you, sensei,” his kids chorus after him, and Shouta half-heartedly waves over his shoulder.

By the time he rounds the corner, headed for the teacher’s lounge, it’s ten minutes after Midoriya and All Might. A purposeful wait—he wants to let them have a moment to themselves before he interrupts. But Shouta also doesn’t give any warning before he pushes the door in.

He doesn’t see what he’s expecting: Midoriya, slumped into All Might’s side, fast asleep. All Might doesn’t even look up when Shouta enters, and whether he hears Shouta or not is an entirely different question. Shouta suspects he hasn’t, by the soft, vulnerable look on his face; the way the corners of his eyes are crinkling as he runs a hand down Midoriya’s back.

Shouta clears his throat quietly. All Might startles.

“Ah- Aizawa…” he says, moving his free hand up to rub at the back of his neck.

Shouta has his phone out and takes a picture before he even registers he’s doing it, because this is one, funny, and two, something Nemuri would kill a man to see.

“Are you busy?” Shouta asks as All Might sputters, split between being embarrassed and trying not to wake Midoriya. “I’d like to talk to you, if I can.”

All Might stops his arms from pinwheeling and looks down at Midoriya. A hand drifts, as if on its own, to push some hair out of Midoriya’s face.

In sleep, Shouta thinks, Midoriya looks more like a child. Awake, moving, acting, he already has the makings of a hero in him; but now, with little filter, he looks like what he’s meant to be. What he doesn’t allow himself to be.

But it only steels Shouta’s resolve.

“Aizawa…”

“We need to talk,” he cuts in, “and we need to talk about Midoriya.”

All Might falters.

Shouta has been keeping an eye on the problem child since the moment he’d leapt towards the zero-pointer in the entrance exams, and he’s found he’s loath to take his eyes off.

All Might bites his lip.

Shouta does not like to pry into secrets that aren’t his business, but every so often he finds himself in the middle of them anyway. He has stepped into the heart of things—in a dark cell with the ghost of a friend with unseeing eyes; in the shadow that comes under All Might’s cape; in the gnarled happenings of the Hero Commission.

Midoriya is one of those such things. He and All Might have been connected, so Shouta suspects, before their time at U.A. had even begun. He has a Quirk that is too powerful for his own body to contain, like trying to fill an entire ocean into a single glass of saltwater. Overflowing, and overflowing still.

“I think you know more than I do about Midoriya,” Shouta levels, and All Might’s face goes blank. “But as it stands, I think it is important for me to know what you do.”

All Might’s face remains blank. He’s good at that—practiced, Shouta thinks, because it is another skill that pero heroes learn on the job. There is perhaps no one better than All Might, who has had the entire world fooled for decades, just by smiling.

“What do you want to know?” All Might asks, delaying the inevitable.

“His Quirk.”

Shouta pauses, then says, “Or maybe I should be saying, Quirks.”

Because Midoriya had, in class that morning, been holding his own against Tokoyami and Dark Shadow; and there had been an opening that would have allowed Tokoyami to defeat him had it not been for the way Midoriya had squared his shoulders and stood still.

And lifted his arms in front of him. A moment later, the shield had materialized, a shimmering force field that had held against the force of a powerful Quirk, and had held until the exercise ended.

It is not the same Quirk that is written in Midoriya’s files; it cannot be the same Quirk. Yet Shouta only knows one other person—one villain —who has more than one Quirk.

“I don’t think…”

All Might sighs, and gently shakes Midoriya’s arm. “Young Midoriya,” he says, and Midoriya stirs. The Quirk must have taken all of his energy. “Young Midoriya, wake up.”

Midoriya jerks awake, and then freezes like a deer in headlights.

“It’s alright,” Shouta explains patiently as Midoriya looks at them both with wide eyes, like he isn’t supposed to be here, like he doesn’t feel quite like he belongs. “We just wanted to speak to you.”

“About- about what?”

“Your Quirk,” and the room goes silent.

Midoriya’s eyes flash. The fear remains, but it shares a space now with defensiveness. Shouta swears he can see the walls being built, brick by brick in Midoriya’s mind.

“All Might,” he says hesitantly, faltering and looking to All Might for guidance.

“My boy,” All Might says, completely somber, “this is your Quirk, and your secret now. Whether you choose to tell Aizawa—whether you make the choice to confide in anyone—is no longer up to me. It is your decision, and I cannot make it for you. I can only support you.”

When Shouta feels like it’s safe to, he moves forward until he can crouch in front of the seat where Midoriya is. Puts his hand on Midoriya’s knee, looks into his face.

“Midoriya,” he says, “you don’t have to tell me everything. But I am… your teacher, and it is my responsibility to take care of you and to help you. Not only my responsibility but my desire. And I cannot do that if you do not at least give me… something.”

Midoriya swallows. His eyes are shining as he looks back at Shouta. He thinks that is the best way he can express it; the only way. That it is a responsibility, a desire, and a need— in a language that Midoriya can understand.

Midoriya wavers, and Shouta says, “Please.”

Midoriya takes a deep breath, and it sounds like both the easiest and the hardest thing for him to say when he does: “I trust you.”

Shouta thinks he’s standing on the edge of a precipice looking down into waters that he cannot measure the depth of. But he’s not the drowning type—he’ll take it.

“My Quirk,” Midoriya says slowly, exchanging a glance with All Might, “is called One for All, and it was given to me.”

#asks #bnha #all might #aizawa #izuku #ofa #30 min fics #anonymous #my fanfic #bnha fanfic

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izvorposts · 4 years

Text

Random Thoughts SnK 126

Humongous spoilers ahead if you haven’t read chapter 126 yet.

Hello, everyone and welcome to my stream of confusing and often unrelated thoughts.

I loved this chapter, it was a great ride and it was quite emotional for me, to the point I not only teared up, but legit cried a few times. Keep in mind that I also cried to a toilet paper commercial featuring golden retriever puppies playing with the said toilet paper.

For me this chapter was all about sacrificing the personal for the greater good, but let’s start from the beginning.

The panel where Hange says they’d rather just live in the woods with Levi expresses a mere wish; Hange is aware that neither they nor Levi would or could do something like that because they couldn’t live with themselves. The interpretation that Hange started building the cart because they knew Levi wouldn’t accept staying in the woods, is in my opinion, wrong. We’ve seen Hange, we know Hange and they would never abandon their people, no matter how far they’re ready to go for Levi.

When Levi says “What’s left if we run and hide like this?” does not mean rejection. Levi doesn’t speak much, but when he does, he is very direct and clear, he doesn’t speak in ambiguous ways, and had he wanted to reject Hange’s suggestion, he’d have said it very clearly. He knows they can’t stay in the woods and Hange does, too.

The title of the chapter is “Pride” and I think it’s interesting Isayama-san chose that word. Levi admits he fucked up with Zeke; he doesn’t try to pretend he’s feeling better than he is; he’s physically and emotionally hurt, but he doesn’t feel the need to pretend in front of Hange; he lets them see him just as he is - weak. That’s where we see how deeply honest their relationship is - I’m weak AF and I let you see me like that. Even when Hange advises him not to get up, he listens.

Hange, on the other hand, talks to him and confesses something to him while he’s unconscious (well, at least they think he is), yet when they realize he wasn’t, they don’t try to joke about it or pretend they didn’t say it, they blush and leave it at that.

Both let go of their pride and any pretense in front of one another, and their panels in the woods are etched with so much honesty, warmth and love it’s almost unreal. They know each other too well, which we can see in the few thoughts they exchange, yet they say more than they could ever say with words.

The chapter then moves to the two of them meeting Pieck (whose last name I can’t get over) and Magath (whose last name I’m not sure how to pronounce) and I completely agree with momtaku that Levi states that his objective is killing Zeke partially because of the audience. What will happen once they realize that Zeke isn’t the issue anymore, we’ll see.

Fast forward to Connie, who is already breaking in the woods just thinking about his intentions. His determination is faltering and he knows it’s a wrong thing to do. He realizes that Falco is an honest and pure kid, and as one of the last resorts where he seeks support is when he calls Sasha’s name wondering whether she’d understand him.

They do get to Ragako, Connie unveils his ever-smiling mother, his determination seemingly back, but as soon as he sees Armin and Gabi, he tells them to not say anything. Why? Because he knows what he’s doing is wrong and that his decision will easily be overturned by just a few words by Armin.

I love Armin with all my heart, I think he’s precious, but he is also manipulative as fuck and I think he counted on Connie saving him. He risked it, yes, because Connie caught him mid-jump, but part of him counted on it. This isn’t the first time Armin plays to people’s good sides to get something. Another part of him probably wanted to die because of the guilt he feels for having lived instead of Erwin and if I’m right, he sacrifices his escape plan and stays alive for the greater good.

We see Connie do the same thing – he gives up a personal goal, replacing it with saving the world – he leaves his mom, teeth unbrushed and Falco-deprived and goes to eat pie and unite with the rest. Good job, Connie, I’m proud of you, and I’m sure your mom is, too.

By letting Armin, Gabi and Falco see him as a complete lunatic, Connie is also stripped of pride: “Someone righteous like you can’t understand an idiot” Connie says, painting the image of himself devoid of anything fake. He’s not trying to prove he’s doing the right thing, he’s fucking up and he knows it and shows it.

I have no idea what Mikasa intends to do with the scarf she procured from Louise (is she going to burn it, put it on Eren’s voodoo doll and strangle it, who knows?!), but we don’t see her put it back on. Also, she gives up her lifelong obsession of protecting Eren and joins the crew. Go, Mikasa! She’s such a badass. Some more development would be nice, though.

Now we get to Floch and I’m saddened by the fact that I’ll write more about him than I did about the rest, but Floch is important.

Floch is not entertainment. Floch is an instigator and a coward, he is manipulative in a very unrefined way and capable of making masses follow him, not because he is Eren’s self-proclaimed representative, but because he knows what he needs to feed the people with in order for them to follow and support the Yeagerists – blood and fear.

He’s the dude with the gun and shows everyone in chapter 125 what will happen to them not only if they disobey, but also if they say what they think. I believe the modern-day term for this is dictatorship. In this chapter he screams about Yelena and Onyankopon, why they are traitors and why they should be killed (executed publicly at that) and that is the decision he made. He takes the role of God by deciding who lives and who doesn’t and the worst part is, the masses surrounding him show full support.

Floch is the type of person who will establish themselves after everything is over and after they are certain they’re in no immediate or any other danger; then they will find followers, which isn’t too difficult in the state Paradis currently is in. I have actively hated him since he was introduced and I doubt that will change. Not to mention that his and Trump’s hair bear striking resemblance, and that doesn’t really help. Of course, that’s not the only similarity between him and Donald, in my opinion at least.

Floch saying “Dedicate your hearts” made me so sad, the wings of freedom on his uniform – it’s just wrong.

Also, I couldn’t help but notice how the faces of people surrounding him are distorted to the point they almost look inhumane. Or should I say mindless?

I don’t really care about Yelena, but both she and Onyankopon are introduced by Floch as “volunteers who bear a grudge against the Eldian empire” and whose soon-to-happen execution is met with a unanimous support from the spectators. Floch keeps saying how they are finally free, the masses cheer, as if not realizing that this form of governing a country is the exact opposite – yes, free, maybe, from the hatred by the rest of the world, but this is so far from freedom it’s not even funny. Floch is not entertaining, he’s an epitome of danger.

I’m not crazy about the notion of pride, I prefer dignity, as pride in itself holds something that makes a person or a group of people better than the rest, or it plays too much to our ego, and when we see the masses exclaiming how they’re the subjects of Ymir and how they’re the only ones who’ll be left, that to me was pride in its worst notion possible.

Jean killed me when he shot and said “I missed…”. I’m not too happy the bullets didn’t find their way to Floch’s head or vital organs, but Jean not only gives up (for the second time) the possibility of living a cozy life, ergo, sacrifices a personal goal, but chooses the just option. When he mentioned the bones turned to ashes it gave me goosebumps.

I’m not sure where Annie was headed with Hitch in 125, but if she was headed to meet her dad and then gave up on it when she met Armin (Go, Aruani!) and the rest, she, too, gave up a personal goal. Also, the message she leaves to Hitch (“Sorry for being a nuisance”; “Thank you for talking to me for four years”, “From your malicious roommate”) contains something personal and warm. I do hope we get to see more of Hitch.

I’m happy they united and showed that their differences are not surmountable, but non-existent – there are no Paradis Devils and Marleyans, there are those who want to save the world and those who want it to be destroyed (I’m not talking about Eren here per se; yes, he seems uber genocidal, but maybe we’ll get his POV one of these days and see what’s on the bottom).

We saw that all of them were presented with two choices. On one side there was:

- Living in the woods and staying safe

- Saving one’s parent

- Committing suicide as a form of escape from being unable to replace Erwin

- Going after Eren and protecting him

- Living a comfortable life

- Going to see the closest thing to a parent one has

And on the other side was saving the world. And they decided to do that.

I’m a little bit in love with all of them.

#104th squad #snk #snk spoilers 126 #shingeki no kyojin #levi ackerman #hange zoë #connie springer #armin arlert #floch forster #annie leonhardt #jean kirschtien #falco grice #mikasa ackerman

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

Note

Let me start by saying that I love all of your meta and analysis soooo much especially the ones about Ozpin. I was curious to hear what what do you think are some legit motally grey things/mistakes he did, not the garbage the haters love to throw around. The only things I can think of are either in an impossible situation with only shitty options (where I don't really consider the decisions as immoral since morality needs agency and the chance of a better choice) like with Pyrrha and Oscar (1/2)

Thank you, anon! And honestly? I couldn’t agree more. I often say that Ozpin has made mistakes partly so that people don’t blow off the points I’m trying to make with, “Oh an Ozpin stan. Ignore her, she thinks he can do no wrong and thus can’t provide an objective opinion.” But honestly? Not all mistakes are created equal. There are mistakes one makes because they’re selfish, foolish, didn’t bother to take precautions---things that are preventable and therefore invite heavy criticism and an acknowledgment of responsibility. However, there are also mistakes that, as you say, are simply outside of your control. You don’t have the information available to make an informed and therefore better choice, or you simply just have bad choices from the get-go. For me, the vast majority of Ozpin’s mistakes are the latter.

Overall, I think the largest mistake he bears responsibility for is prioritizing his love for Salem over basic ethics. AKA, choosing to become a wannabe god with her and encouraging this mentality that they are intrinsically superior to everyone else in Remnant. Granted, there are many other factors involved in this, including Salem’s status as a creature now consumed by darkness (she was heading down this road no matter what Ozpin may have done differently) as well as her abuse towards Ozpin, her manipulation, and the sheer overwhelming terror of the goal Light set him. Which just reinforces that all Ozpin’s mistakes are understandable to one extent or another. He’s human and his mistakes resonate because, if people are honest with themselves, they’d probably admit, “Yeah. If I found the love of my life again I’d be tempted to ignore Light’s warning about her too. If I was offered a life of luxury and power under the guise of protecting the people, I might cave and go along with that as well...” We get how Ozpin got to that point, we may admit we couldn’t have done better, but we likewise understand that the man he became, regardless of how he got there---from natural human desires to abuse---isn’t okay. As Oz and his host ask themselves, “What are we doing?” And we see how he comes back from that edge. How he rejects that sort of power later when it’s offered to him after the Kingdoms were reunited. Ozpin learned from his mistakes.

Which adds further complications to his choices in the present day. Just as Ozpin learned that the world doesn’t need him as an all-powerful figurehead, he likewise learned that sharing secrets leads to nothing but the worst kind of consequences. The first time he reveals what he’s hiding? His wife announces that she’s going to take over the world, then murders their children, then him. A more recent time he reveals information? A very close friend betrays him to said wife. Tries to kill him. Nearly kills his allies. Is eventually killed himself. The latest time he was forced to reveal information? People are shouting, grieving, he’s punched into a tree, the one friend still at his side completely rejects him.

The fandom points to Ozpin’s lies and secret keeping among the group as his greatest mistakes and yes, objectively I agree. Without context I can say no, he shouldn’t have made a promise if he didn’t intend to keep it. He should have just told them that there were questions left, or that the relic attracted grimm. But the thing is that context is there and it always matters. I’ve spoken before about how I think Ozpin made that promise with precisely zero expectation that he’d ever be put into a situation where he might conceivably break it, that I’d also hesitate to tell a group that there were invaluable questions left when they were clearly eager to use them recklessly (which they then did), and that keeping the grimm aspect secret was the only logical course of action because telling them would just attract more. But even ignoring all of the potential justifications attached to each choice, I simply don’t believe we can ignore Ozpin’s trauma. I might not have lied to people like that, but I haven’t been horrifically traumatized for a thousand years whenever I do tell someone information. Ozpin has been conditioned not to tell people and though yes, everyone technically has free will, trauma like that will “force” you to take what you perceive as the only safe option. It fucks with your perception and your understanding of what even is an option in this situation. Ozpin simply no longer has the ability to go, “I’ll trust them!” like the others around him do and their reactions certainly didn’t help teach him otherwise. Imagine that for a thousand years you’re punched every time someone lifts their hand. Then someone you’ve just met demands that you stop flinching whenever they raise theirs. No matter how much you may want to stop, you can’t. Not immediately on someone else’s order. The human experience doesn’t work that way.

(As a side note, the reason why I emphasize a thousand years so much is because I believe the extent of the trauma and its implied consistency is really relevant here. As is the close tie between that trauma and Ozpin’s choices. There are many other characters out there who I don’t believe “But they had a hard life!” excuses their actions: Snape, Bakugo, recently what I’ve read of Yennefer---among others. It’s notable to me that Ozpin didn’t endure traumatic events by revealing information and then, say, go abuse his students for years. Or tell someone to kill themselves. Or take over someone else’s mind. Not only is his trauma more extensive than the vast majority of characters we meet, but he hasn’t used that trauma as an excuse to get away with horrific---and unrelated---choices. The love of my life rejected me and then died... so I’m going to abuse eleven-year olds under my care. My mom is demanding and people cater to me too much... so I’m going to gleefully beat up my weakest classmate. I dealt with being ugly for a good chunk of my life and now can’t have kids... so I’m going to take away someone’s autonomy and endanger a whole town. Unlike most other characters with tragic backstories, Ozpin has a one-to-one correlation between that hard life and the mistakes he’s made: people hurt me when I tell them things... so I just won’t tell them things. By keeping that strong connection it eliminates the possibility that Ozpin is just using his trauma as an excuse (knowingly or otherwise) and he is, notably, still a good person beyond those very specific choices. We see his horror at the decisions he has to make. We see his endless attempts to be as kind towards others as possible. We see how much he’s fought not to allow his trauma to warp him into a person he’d despise. A person like Salem. Just like not all mistakes are created equal, for me not all people making mistakes are equal either. I’m less likely to forgive your mistakes if you’re an all around horrible person. You’re clearly a good person trying your best? Your mistakes are easier to stomach and, as discussed above, I’m more inclined to assume that these mistakes stem from things outside of your control. If someone who has been nothing but cruel to me lied I’d automatically be pissed. If someone who has been nothing but kind to me lied, I’m inclined to ask them why they did that, expecting that there’s a good reason attached to that decision.)

So did Ozpin make mistakes? Technically yes, but I think they were mistakes largely outside of his control. Either he only had shit options available to him or he was in a position where the group demanded something of him that his mental health simply wouldn’t allow. People have to remember that we’re not Ozpin (insert obligatory, “He’s fictional” here). We have more options available to us when it comes to our choices, simply by means of not having gone through what he has. His choices are always limited, both by outside factors and his own experiences, and they likewise always have inevitable downsides. Ozpin doesn’t get the luxury of choosing anything that turns out well.

As a final note, with Volume 7 underway I’d say that another potential mistake has been introduced: making Pyrrha the Fall Maiden. Meaning, unless the story reveals that Winter actually can’t become the next Winter Maiden due to her age (unlikely given that others have said the non-canonical age limit is 30), it raises the question of why he’d choose a 17 year old over a 20-some graduate. However, to me this is pretty clearly a writing issue. The creators were more concerned with keeping the story revolved around RWBYJNR than they were the implications of having Ozpin choose Pyrrha over a more suitable adult. So though yes, I’d technically consider that another mistake.... obviously not much Ozpin could do against his own creators lol.

Which finally leads to me saying that although Rooster Teeth seems to want us to believe that Ozpin is a morally gray character, they haven’t succeeded in writing one well. That characterization requires a fair balance between what most would consider “good” and “bad” traits. Not a good person presented with only bad choices. Or a character so horrifically conditioned that his ability to make a better decision is almost impossible. We wouldn’t call a person who was manipulated or forced into doing bad things a morally gray character, nor would we use that term if, somehow, they were sick and that led to those choices. That’s how I view Ozpin, mentally as opposed to physically sick. After a thousand years he needs evidence that trusting people and giving them his secrets won’t result in him being hurt. Until he’s shown that, expecting him to trust people just because they insist they are trustworthy is like asking someone with a broken leg to run you a race. They can try, but good look expecting them to succeed.

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #long post #mymetas #Anonymous

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hyperionswrath--archived · 4 years

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@onepartbrave :

In his numbing state of mind, Squall listened on to the idle prattle Seifer gifted even when he’d no reason to. He didn’t have to keep entertaining Squall or his whims, nor did he have to act so considerate of him the whole time. A far cry from the ‘good old days’ as some seemed to call them. Very few of those days were good, in his opinion. Very few ‘good’ memories lingered of them. He knew he could only blame so much on GF usage, blocking out most of what he didn’t desire seeing of his own accord. But, when he let his guard down, when all his walls dropped… the shadows were always waiting.

While no memories automatically jumped out at him as ‘good’, there were those he remembered fondly. When Seifer got his first gunblade and he’d been intrigued, the man hadn’t shot him down or sneered—in the end, he’d wound up with his own and they were legit two of a kind in Garden. Or how in every sparring session, Seifer taught him not only how to fight fair but what to do when the opponent didn’t. Such a case granted them mirrored scars between their eyes. …Or the time when Seifer had been unfairly disqualified from the SeeD exam after (now looking back) doing the right thing and still being the first to clap in congratulations when he and the other three newly ranked SeeDs emerged from the Headmasters office.

Little things that made all the difference to Squall growing up. That helped him turn into who he was today.

Absentmindedly poking a fresh potato wedge with a single finger, he waited. For what, he wasn’t certain but somehow knew he needed to—just wait. To have the patience for Seifer no one else possessed. Granting the man the feasible permission of taking his time to think, ponder on the proper answer to Squall’s question—“Cause you invited me” wasn’t acceptable.

Bottle in his other hand, he pulled it to his lips for another few hazardous swallows. Imagine his surprise at finding it almost empty and only two mouthfuls remained. Huh. He sure hoped there was more of where that came from, it was some good rum. Yet to raise his gaze to the blond, he plonked the empty bottle on the table nearer the outside so any bypassing waiting staff could retrieve it easier. That required him to half-lounge across the table as he couldn’t quite reach unlike Long-Arm-McGee who pilfered a wedge from him.

No, he wasn’t pouting as a result.

Still semi-reclined on the table with no inclination to move, he kept his arm stretched out and rest his head atop of his bicep. It provided the perfect vantage point of watching Seifer as numerous emotions warred on his face. Light-headedness plagued his own, so the blond was a little fuzzy. Seifer looked… tormented. Troubled beyond words. What was more cause for concern was the fact the man who always had something to say… had nothing to say? He was struggling for words, dipping down further in his own bottle of poison for assistance.

Squall felt puzzled. Bewildered to the maximum at Seifer’s atypical display. When one of the blond’s fist began squeezing and relaxing periodically, hazy grey-blues fell there. Sufficiently distracted from witnessing the plethora of sentiment crossing the man’s roguish features. The arm he wasn’t laying on came up so he could prod lightly at the scar between his eyes, subconsciously mirroring Seifer’s movements prior unintentionally. Despite most others seeing the day’s events as nothing but brutish violence… he really learned something that day. Solidified in his mind that regardless of what he felt, Seifer would always be part of his life.

So why did he leave…? Not even the progressively drunken thoughts wanted to add a disastrous ‘me’ on the end.

And then, two words sliced through the clouded mess encompassing Squall’s mind. “I’m sorry”. Half-lidded gaze swapping from his hand to Seifer—who was getting up? Leaving? No, don’t. Prompted to sit up in his seat, Squall watched with silent despair as his former rival all but scrambled over his own feet to put distance between them. “I’m sorry”. Why? Was he that easy to abandon? Was he… too much to handle? Wrought up too many painful memories? He—he’d not ask again if only Seifer stayed. He’d shut up permanently about the past. Never mention one word of the war or batshit insane Sorceress or the fact he wasn’t one-hundred percent certain Seifer hadn’t wanted him dead during…

That part hurt the most. “I’m sorry”.

No. He wasn’t allowed to run. Not now, not here. Somewhere in the midst of his thoughtful monologue, his empty beverage had been replaced with a fresh one. Blinking at spotting the bottle, he clumsily reached out to snag it before he shimmied along the booth seat, hitting the same damned secret underside as on the way in. Hissing audibly at the stinging sensation sourcing in one knee, he ignored it in favour of straining for equilibrium while getting to his feet. Accomplishing the task with minimal effort (in his head), he shook off the tingling in his leg and paused, spotting the man’s coat. If he didn’t bring it with him… Seifer would have to return. Excellent plan.

Nodding to himself, he marched on the same pathway the blond took to escape. Admittedly a little unsteady on his feet, he used passing furniture to assist and finally found the door. Heading out, he kept the bottle of booze clutched close to his person as to not lose it while peering around through squinted eyes. A puff left him when he exhaled, signalling the temperature was dropping. He didn’t feel it, shrouded by the false warmth alcohol provided.

“Sei—fer?” he started to call out, only to spot the man of the hour slumped just across the way. Blinking a few times to confirm his vision was correct, Squall headed on over with the grace of a new-born gazelle, crossing the distance without falling, fortunately. “Hey,” he said when near, free arm holding onto the wall for some much-needed support. “Why’d you run? ‘m not scary. I don’t want you t’ run.” A brief pause followed his words before another meaningless thought popped into mind. “’N you can’t run. I didn’t bring your coat.”

Were Seifer in a better state of mind, he almost surely would have had to say one thing or another about the way Squall acted once the first bottle had reached its end, being none short of endearing in his befuddled state of drunkness. Yet, neither the intent glare of grey-blues nor the really atypical pout registered with him fully as his chest tightened and the sudden urge occurred to need some fresh air and asap.

Seeing as his own bottle was still holding one-third of his whiskey, his steps had been less sluggish, although he, too, could feel the dizziness creep into his limbs which was one reason dark and unwanted memories had easier access to slip into his mind as it usually would have been the case. Now sitting on the cold ground, he lit his cigarette with a slight tremor in his hands, inhaling once before resting his arms on his knees, eyes staring nowhere in particular on the ground before him. After a moment, he reached for the bottle again, reducing it content significantly. Why did he always fuck up everything? The plan had been to spend a night of mindless boozing and to kick off some stress, not to become a dramatic little shit and dig out all the past mistakes so they could have a depressive face to face session of survivor's anonymous.

He had always considered what was between them as something special. It wasn't friendship per se, at least not as one would expect it. But it was also more than just camaraderie. Admittedly, pinpointing the exact definition eluded him, too. It had only helped to boost his massive ego when he realized, as a young teen, how much indirect influence he had on Squall. And in a way, he had used that to tighten their bond, getting the brunet interested in wielding a gunblade, showing him the ropes, even making him choose the same career path, failing his first SeeD exam on purpose so they could graduate together and so he needn’t leave Squall behind due to missions for the span of an entire year... and then he had almost gotten him killed because that damn headmaster was too cowardly to issue a proper mission. To this day, he held a deep and loathing grudge for the man.

And how he had tried to make things right again. From that day on, everything had just spiraled out of his control and into chaos. He could still remember the panic welling up inside his chest as he stood in the Timber TV Station, gunblade firm against the Galbadian president's throat when that hyne-bedamned chicken wuss blurted out they were SeeDs from Garden. This fatal moment had twisted everything for Seifer, as he found himself with his back against the wall, no way out of this mess that somehow always accumulated around him. Everything he touched seemed to fall apart, to become tainted.

Deep in his miserable thoughts as he was, trying to calm his nerves and get his bearings again, it took him a moment to notice the stumbling steps inching closer to him, followed by a drawn-out call of his name. The blond looked up just in time to see Squall staggering his way towards him, another bottle of rum clutched firmly against his chest. Six above and Hyne below, the guy had had more than enough, judging from the way he now stopped dead before him, having to support his lithe and swaying form on the wall. Emerald green's looked up with confusion as to why Squall even bothered following him in the first place and he had to lean in a little to understand what the man was slurring now. He... didn't even know what Seifer had been talking about. A coiling feeling in his stomach, he bit his lower lip, a brief flicker of amusement flitting over his face but disappearing again just as fast as it came at the choice of words he was presented with.

"Squall...", he set to speak, noticing the soft timbre of his own voice. Must be the alcohol. Shaking his head briefly, he flicked the completely burned down and unused cigarette away before his hand reached out, the back of it gently brushing one lower leg of the man. "Sit down before you hurt yourself.", he mumbled, eyes still trained on the half-lidded pale face above him. This guy really made everything harder than it had to be, didn't he? Albeit still sounding hollow, Seifer huffed a laugh as he heard the smug plan the brunet had laid out, leaving the coat behind that the taller man had deliberately abandoned inside. "I'm not running, silly.", he said, considering just a moment before reaching up to grab the other’s hand and pull him down, so he would stop towering over him like he was bigger than him or something.

#onepartbrave #rp #longpost #.how are they so adorable and soft???#.this is kinda angsty-wholesome?#.I'm all here for it

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mostlysignssomeportents · 4 years

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Pluralistic: 07 Mar 2020 (audio from Canada Reads Kelowna, gig economy spreads Covid-19, Intel's security chip is insecure, Barnes and Noble gets a savior)

Today's links

Audio from last night's Canada Reads event in Kelowna: Thanks to Sarah Penton for being such a great interviewer!

Gig economy drivers won't get sick-pay if they have covid-19 symptoms: Your Instacart driver is being incentivized to handle your food through his fever-sweats.

Compromise threatens Intel's chip-within-a-chip: A bug in the Management Engine threatens five years' worth of Intel systems.

The savior of Waterstones will turn every B&N into an indie: James Daunt has opened 60 profitable stores in his career.

This day in history: 2015, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

Audio from last night's Canada Reads event in Kelowna (permalink)

Last night I sat down for an interview and lively Q&A at the Kelowna Public Library with the CBC's Sarah Penton as part of the Canada Reads national book prize, for which my book Radicalized is a finalist. Courtney Dickson was kind enough to send me raw audio from the board and to give me permission to post it. It was a genuinely wonderful night, with great and thoughtful questions, and I'm really glad that I get to share it with you!

https://archive.org/download/canadareadskelownadoctorowpenton/Canada_Reads_Kelowna_Doctorow_Penton.mp3

Gig economy drivers won't get sick-pay if they have covid-19 symptoms (permalink)

The gig economy workers who deliver your @amazon packages are not entitled to sick pay if they think they have covid-19 and want to stay home, rather than delivering contaminated boxes to you.

https://onezero.medium.com/keep-your-car-clean-gig-companies-offer-little-support-during-coronavirus-outbreak-cf6c55cca8a8

It's not just Amazon Flex drivers who are being tacitly incentivized by rapacious, giant corporations to show up for work sick. Your Lyft and Instacart drivers are all being given a stark choice: work sick or go broke.

As Sarah Emerson speculates in her One Zero piece, this depraved indifference is likely an epiphenomenon of gig economy companies' urge to preserve the fiction that their workers are contractors, not employees. Contractors don't get sick leave, after all.

"[Amazon is ] basically threatening that I'll be out of work if I have any symptoms of being sick, coronavirus or not, but no protections and no offers for help in the event it happens" – Jeff Perry, Amazon Flex/Uber driver, Sacramento

Lyft's advice to drivers: "disinfect your car" and avoid passengers who appear sick.

As outrage over this policy went viral, Uber reversed its earlier stance and announced that it would offer up to 14 days of "compensation" for some drivers.

https://twitter.com/MikeIsaac/status/1236126626028507136

Compromise threatens Intel's chip-within-a-chip (permalink)

A new showstopper Intel bug compromises the Converged Security and Management Engine, the computer-within-a-computer that Intel uses for a variety of purposes, some beneficial (detecting malware), some terrible (shutting out free software).

https://blog.ptsecurity.com/2020/03/intelx86-root-of-trust-loss-of-trust.html

The Management Engine has long been controversial. It's designed to reach into your RAM and tinker with it in a way that, by design, the CPU can't detect or prevent. This is deliberate: it lets the management engine monitor and disrupt malware.

https://boingboing.net/2016/06/15/intel-x86-processors-ship-with.html

But of course, if your Management Engine itself is compromised, then – by design – the part of the computer that you control can neither monitor it, nor prevent it from doing malicious work. In 2017, a ghastly ME bug showed how risky this was.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2017/05/intels-management-engine-security-hazard-and-users-need-way-disable-it

It's especially bad because ME security is, in part, security through obscurity: Intel barely documents ME function and doesn't permit outside auditing. To make everything worse, there's no way to fully disable it. So ME bugs keep on surfacing, each worse than the last. Here's 2018's:

https://press.f-secure.com/2018/01/12/intel-amt-security-issue-lets-attackers-bypass-login-credentials-in-corporate-laptops/

Which brings me to the new vuln: PT Security shows an early stage attack on the boot ROM, that allows for recovery of a master key that is used to generate all the other keys in the system. It's a deep bug that could potentially compromise all the downstream operations. It's only a partial attack (so far). The key needs to be decrypted to be usable, but the researchers say it's only a matter of time – and they point out that the key is shared across years' worth of Intel processors.

This compromise (when it comes) has profound implications for DRM, which is intrinsically brittle in that it's "break once, break everywhere." Once content is extracted from a DRM wrapper on a compromised system, it can be shared and played back on intact ones. DRM system designers try to address this with tactics like "renewability" and "selectable output control" that allows DRM systems to detect which systems they're running on and refuse to operate if they believe they might be compromised.

This is a thermonuclear option that could make DRM unviable forever. It means that if you had the misfortune to buy an Intel system during the five years that they were manufactured with this defect, you could lose the ability to play content you've already paid for.

Not because you hacked your system, but because you could. DRM is and always has been a timebomb, ticking down to the moment that execs in a distant boardroom decide to nerf or brick your property. The temptation to downgrade your customers' property to up your profits is irresistible.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2016/09/what-hp-must-do-make-amends-its-self-destructing-printers

But customers don't like getting punished for "doing the right thing." If media companies cancel playback for purchased content on affected Intel systems, they won't be targeting pirates (who get their media DRM-free), but people who deliberately chose to pay.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, we don't get fooled again." -GWB

Punishing legit customers to get at pirates is a surefire way to make more pirates.

"Might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb."

The savior of Waterstones will turn every B&N into an indie (permalink)

A great hero of British bookselling is James Daunt, the founder of Daunt Books, whose flagship store is literally the most beautiful bookstore I've ever been to.

https://dauntbooks.co.uk/shops/marylebone/

Daunt took over Waterstones in 2011 and rescued it. The chain now runs as a string of indies, with no co-op promotion – instead, the booksellers in each shop choose which books they promote based on local taste. Corporate HQ chooses a book of the month and a book every year for chainwide promotion, but they do so on the basis of their enjoyment of the book – not because a publisher pays them for promo.

The new Waterstones stores are spectacular. There were always some great ones (the Waterstones in Bradford rivals the main Daunt books for beauty), but the vibe and experience of shopping at a post-Daunt Waterstones is a million times better than before. And new shops like the one in Tottenham Court Road really embody what a bookstore can be. The event I did there in 2017 with Laurie Penny was one of the best I've ever done in the UK.

https://www.waterstones.com/events/cory-doctorow-in-conversation-with-laurie-penny/london-tottenham-court-road

The good news is that Daunt is now running Barnes & Noble, which has been struggling and worse – pulling desperate moves like laying off all their most experienced booksellers to lower payroll costs, which is obviously a catastrophic mistake. And Daunt's public plan for BN – America's last major chain bookstore – is to replicate what he did with Waterstones. Let the stores run like indies, with local control by experienced booksellers who know and care about their customers' tastes.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2020-03-04/barnes-noble-wants-to-be-more-like-an-indie-bookseller

He's ending co-op promotion, featuring books that the booksellers choose, not books that publishers pay to promote. He's reversing the focus on non-bookstore SKUs (sunglasses, puzzles and scented candles) in favor of, you know…books. They're shrinking CDs and DVDs and expanding kids' books, laying the ground for a new generation of readers, and they're cleaning up, repainting, and generally repairing years of neglect that have given some of the stores the vibe of an abandoned K-Mart.

They're also opening new stores, targeting places that don't have any bookstores (as opposed to places where indie stores have kept the faith and continued to serve their communities). He's shooting for 1,500 stores nationwide. It's superb news for a nation where bookselling has been imperilled for decades. On every tour stop, I always insist that my media escort take me to every B&N in town to sign stock and meet the booksellers. As a recovering bookseller myself, it's one of the great pleasures of the tours. Bookstores are community hubs, and were key to my own literary upbringing. This is just delightful news.

(Image: RachelH_, CC BY-NC)

This day in history (permalink)

#5yrsago Improving the estimate of US police killings https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/a-new-estimate-of-killings-by-police-is-way-higher-and-still-too-low/

#1yrago Ajit Pai has been touting new broadband investment after he murdered Net Neutrality, but he's been relying on impossible data from a company called Barrierfree https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2019/03/ajit-pais-rosy-broadband-deployment-claim-may-be-based-on-gigantic-error/

#1yrago The EU hired a company that had been lobbying for the Copyright Directive to make a (completely batshit) video to sell the Copyright Directive https://twitter.com/Senficon/status/1103582295523553280?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

#1yrago The "Tragedy of the Commons" was invented by a white supremacist based on a false history, and it's toxic bullshit https://twitter.com/mmildenberger/status/1102604887223750657

#1yrago It's on: House Democrats introduce their promised Net Neutrality legislation https://www.cnet.com/news/democrats-introduce-save-the-internet-act-to-restore-net-neutrality/

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: The Verge (https://www.theverge.com), Wired (https://wired.com), Slashdot (https://slashdot.org).

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Upcoming appearances:

Museums and the Web: March 31-April 4 2020, Los Angeles. https://mw20.museweb.net/

LA Times Festival of Books: 18 April 2020, Los Angeles. https://events.latimes.com/festivalofbooks/

Currently writing: I'm rewriting a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I'm also working on "Baby Twitter," a piece of design fiction also set in The Lost Cause's prehistory, for a British think-tank. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel afterwards.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: Disasters Don't Have to End in Dystopias: https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/01/disasters-dont-have-to-end-in-dystopias/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020.

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a very special, s00per s33kr1t intro.

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awed-frog · 5 years

Note

I don’t think it’s fair to say that hijabs are a trait only of /radical/ Islam. In countries where it is not mandatory, or where it is banned to wear them, hijabs represent something different, so it’s not normalizing laws which force women to wear them to show support for them.

Look - I’m sure some women legit choose to wear it and are very happy to do so. Which, in itself, means what it means since we can all be happy with choices that reflect our traditions and are actually terrible choices for us or for society (like, some women are happy to hold their daughters down and cut off their clitoris, so ‘personal choice’ never means all that much when you’re part of any group, and that’s something we should all keep an eye on). That said, if someone’s happy to wear the veil, that’s great. I honestly have zero problems with it.

I think you need to be careful, however, in saying that just because wearing a veil is not mandatory by law everything is fine. Many communities in Europe are currently struggling with this very issue - legally, women don’t have to wear a veil (in fact, more and more they are discouraged, or outright banned from wearing some kinds of veils), and yet the pressure of the people around them makes it very complex, or downright impossible, not to wear one. The French movement Ni putes ni soumises, for instance, devotes part of its activism to how women are treated in some French Muslim areas.

Furthermore: traditions are good and all, but the fun thing is that as soon as women have some freedom, they suddenly choose to do other things. Once women were allowed to study, they did - today, we’re the majority of university students. After the pill, women stopped getting married at 19 and having four kids in a row - and research shows this is not some ‘Western aberration’: in every country, as soon as women are more educated and have more agency over their lives, they make different choices for themselves (namely, they don’t get married so young and they have fewer children).

Modesty clothes follow more or less the same trend. Catholic women would cover their heads until the 1950s, did you know that? In Italy, Greece, Spain and Portugal (and in the Balkans and other areas of Eastern Europe), there are still tons of old women who do - depending on the region, it used to be practically mandatory inside churches, after marriage and for widows, with the usual consequences of being shunned, ridiculed, insulted or assaulted if you didn’t follow the rules. I know some older women who still feel naked without their scarves or black mourning clothes.

(top: Sicily in the 1950s; bottom: a Greek woman plays with her grandchild)

To me, the idea you should hide a part of your body (and it’s always women, in every culture, who need to do that, what an amazing coincidence) suggests there’s something wrong with it. And usually, what’s wrong with it is that it provokes men into bad behaviour - many religious figures, from Christianity to Islam to Hinduism, openly say this: women should hide (their faces, their hair, their chest, or their entire person) so that men don’t have inappropriate thoughts and/or are not tempted into assaulting them and raping them. This is the reality of the world we still live in.

(In this sense, there is no difference between that American mother who complained girls wearing leggings were damaging her son’s morals and that Egyptian father in Pavia who was arrested for beating up his 12-yo daughter - as punishment for not wearing a veil and having an Italian boyfriend.

It’s always about controlling women, women’s sexuality and women’s behaviour.)

We now have the feeling things have always been this way and veiled women are synonym with Islam, a cultural tradition we should respect, but religions and cultures are fluid, and most Muslim countries changed a lot over the last half a century or so. Like Western countries, they moved from very conservative societies to a new period of more urbanisation, more education, and fewer cultural constraints in the 60s, 70s and 80s. Like in Western countries, there was backlash to that, but for various reasons, that backlash was often a lot more violent. In Algeria, Islamist groups started a civil war that killed over 150 000 people. In the end, the government decided on an amnesty - nobody was ever punished - and came to the conclusion that including them in the government would tame them and make them part of normal society again. According to many Algerian intellectuals and political scientists, that was a mistake. Turkey is another country where a minority of radicals is now dictating how people have to live; Afghanistan is another famous example, as is Iran.

(top: Afghanistan in the 70s; bottom: 100 000 women marching in Iran in 1979 against the veil)

To complicate matters further, many of those radical groups have been funded, supported and armed by the West - up to and including Salafism, which is now spreading around the world like a virus. Many countries which used to practice a milder form of Islam, like Indonesia or Albania, have been flooded with mosques, imams, schools and ‘charity projects’ paid for by Saudi Arabia, and the results are devastatingly visible.

So, you know - in the best of all worlds, a woman would have a supporting family and a supporting community and could make a free, informed choice on how to express her faith. Some women actually do enjoy those conditions, and they choose to wear the veil, and it’s great. But most women just aren’t that lucky, and that’s why it’s dangerous, I think, to normalize wearing one as ‘the normal thing Muslim women do’ - even when it’s done in solidarity.

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kilyra · 5 years

Text

Better Than This

Curtis Hoyle with Frank Castle cameo (The Punisher) One-Shot from prompt list

A/N: I received a request from @suitsofwo3 for a fic with Curtis so long ago that she probably doesn’t even remember making it! It was legit like half a year ago LOL. But anyhow...the prompts were: “I’ve seen how much you really care–don’t pretend like you don’t.”, “Why didn’t you stop me?” and “You’re better than this.”

Your family was killed and you’re out for blood. But Curtis tries one last time to talk you out of following through on your plan with Frank.

Warnings: None, No spoilers even.

If you want to be on my tag lists, (all or just a character) just let me know!

As you followed Frank into the run-down hotel room, the last thing you expected to see was Curtis Hoyle sitting on the bed.

His deep brown eyes locked onto yours and without a word, you felt the heavy disappointment radiating from him.

“Frank-”

“Curt, don't start with me, man. I'm not forcing Y/n into anything,” Frank growled as he stomped past him to the washroom. Loudly slamming the door, he left no room for argument.

Locking the door behind you, you tightly crossed your arms as you turned to face Curtis. Just the small furrow between his eyebrows was enough to stab you with guilt. Rolling your eyes, you kept your gaze towards the ceiling. “If you felt so strongly, why didn't you stop me?”

His wide shoulders sank with a deep sigh as he offered a sad half smile. “Because Frank is an asshole, but he's right. I can't tell you what to do.”

Shedding your gear, you paused to run your hand over your exhausted, stinging eyes. “So then...why are you here? Do you have another lecture or something?”

Shaking his head, he let his gaze drift to the end of the room, looking at the mirror above the desk. Finally, he shrugged. “I'm fresh out of those. It seems like it was an ineffective batch anyhow.”

You could only keep eye contact with him for short bursts. Even if he didn't lecture you with words, his defeated look said enough. “Yeah, well, you can stop looking at me like a kicked puppy. Tonight was just reconnaissance – no one got hurt.”

“Killed, you mean.” His voice was thick as he corrected you.

Dropping onto the edge of the free bed, you let yourself lie back. You just needed a moment to try and smooth your frayed nerves.

All you did was help Frank case out the empty rooms at the back of the otherwise packed bar. After hacking their phones, you discovered quite a few of the people he was after planned to meet there the next night. They assumed that sneaking around in the open would be a safe, unexpected move.

Although that in itself spoke to their spectacular stupidity since they were the ones to set off a bomb in their rival's restaurant front. In the open. Where your family happened to be eating on one of their rare nights out...

But, if you were being honest, even just getting the lay of the land was hell on your nerves. As angry as you were at these men, you weren't sure you'd have it in you to pull the trigger when it came down to it.

Or maybe you did.

And you weren't sure which scared you more.

As if he could read your thoughts, Curtis pressed on. “You don't have to do this you know. Frank does what Frank does, and he's not going to judge you either way.”

Staring up at the ceiling, you sighed. “You think I give a shit what anyone thinks? I don't care.”

“Except you do. Maybe not about what anyone thinks and, hopefully, least of all what Frank thinks...but I've seen how much you care – don't pretend like you don't.”

Gritting your teeth, you let your eyes flutter closed. Swallowing back the stupid lump that threatened to form, you managed to keep your voice even. “When they set off those charges, they took everything from me. What do you expect me to do?”

Shifting his weight, Curtis stepped across the gap between the beds and settled beside you. You bristled at his closeness but didn't move.

“Not throw your life away, for one. You're better than this.”

Reaching up, you rubbed your eyes, pressing hard enough to see colours dancing under your lids. “You don't know me.”

Curtis' deep chuckle grabbed your attention. But when you looked up at him, all you saw was the bitterness in his smile.

“Yeeaah, but I do. We've been close for a while now and, more importantly, I know something about what you're going through. Maybe not this exactly but...but I've had some losses too.”

Your eyes darted to his leg before you forced them closed. As you lay there, perfectly still, it felt like you were sinking deep into the mattress. Everything felt so heavy. It was impossible to move and all you could do was let out a sigh.

Exhaustion was setting in. You just needed a minute.

Not letting the silence stretch on, Curtis continued. “But you need to give this some real thought, Y/n. Even if you survive this, you'll have to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder either from cops or retaliation. Can you honestly tell me your family would be happy about you choosing that for yourself?”

“They're dead.” You wanted to shout it, but it came out as a whisper.

His voice dropped, gently trying to match yours. “Yeah, but people live on in how we honour them.”

It was a slap in the face. Although, an actual slap would have hurt less.

The sting burned through your exhaustion, bubbling up over the surface. Your hand shook as you rubbed your knuckles against your eyes, trying to wipe away the tears before they fell. Forcing your lips into a tight line, it was all you could do to hold everything back.

Damn him.

“Look, you hacked the phones, alright? You gave Frank all the intel he needs for tomorrow. Thanks to you, he's even got time to make a solid strategy which, when he's not just pointing and shooting, is actually something he does well. He doesn't need you there. This is what he does.”

“I hate to say this, mostly because it's Curt, and he's a pain in the ass but, he's right. It’s tight quarters. I don’t need a lookout.” Frank piped in from the bathroom doorway.

“Not sure if I should be touched or offended.” Curt's eyebrow lifted as he chuckled.

Shrugging, Frank let out a wry smile as he narrowed his eyes. “Yeah well, be whatever you want, but do it at your place. I need some sleep.”

Sighing, Curtis got to his feet and looked down at you. The corner of his lips lifted into a small, hopeful smile. “So...you staying or you coming with me?”

Frank’s smile faded as you glanced over at him. His blank expression offered no answers before he dropped his gaze to his hands and finished wiping them on the small towel.

A tightness passed through your chest and for a moment, you felt paralyzed by the choice. For weeks, you worked on this. Revenge was all that fuelled you and now it was just one night away but...somewhere, deep inside your heart, a small kernel of truth tried again to be heard.

This was going to get you killed.

A new wave of fatigue crashed over you, and you had to put all your energy into keeping yourself in check. This was going to get you killed. And that would be a shitty way to honour everyone you love.

As you got your elbows under you to push yourself up, you caught Curtis' stare. Before your world had been rocked to its core, you had gotten close with him. Really close. And as he watched you sit on the edge of the bed, that same warmth called to you from behind the worry that flashed in his eyes.

Holding your hand out to Curtis, you finally nodded. A rush of relief fell over his features as he quickly leaned into your grasp, hauling you up from the bed. Wrapping your coat around you, he kept his arm over your shoulder as he wordlessly led you from the room into the cool night air.

It was almost as if he didn’t want to risk you changing your mind.

Frank also stayed silent as they exchanged a nod.

You weren't sure what you wanted, and maybe you’d eventually regret leaving. But in that moment, all you knew for sure was you didn’t want to die. And that had to be enough.

Taglist: @foreverfaeries @flower-two @getlostinyourparadise @selfishkiddo @angelicshinigami @kingccbsblog @natsukitakama

#curtis hoyle x reader #frank castle x reader #punisher

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bthump · 5 years

Note

Hi! What are your top 10 ships (any fandom)?

Hi, ty for asking! This is really hard to narrow down lol, but I tried.

In no particular order:

Guts/Griffith - Berserk

The current otp ofc. What can I say that I haven’t already said all over this blog?

Will/Hannibal - NBC Hannibal

This is my ideal ship. It’s stupid how perfect it is. It’s basically my ideal slowburn longfic but yk as a 3 season gorgeously shot and acted tv show.

Doctor/Master (especially Three/Delgado Master, and excluding het combinations lol) - Doctor Who

This ship is fantastic because it’s so versatile. You want childhood friends to lovers (to enemies)? Gallifrey era. You want bitter exes or frenemies with benefits? Three/Delgado. Five/Ainley was never my thing but if you want creepy villain/plucky hero there you go. You want former enemies who now live together in weird domestic bliss? Shalka. You want pathetic desperate protag willing to throw his ideals along with the rest of the world under a bus to get laid? Ten/Simm. It’s even got its own rairpairs, like cross era combinations or Two/Warchief. This ship can run the gamut from fluff to angst to serious darkfic and never be ooc. It’s a delight.

Harry/Draco - Harry Potter

I mean I loved it when I was 14 and even though I couldn’t care less about Harry Potter now it’s still there for me. Like, if I want to read something gay and can’t find anything that strikes my fancy? I turn to drarry man, there’s so much genuinely fantastic novel length fic out there, you’ll never run out.

Xena/Gabrielle - Xena: Warrior Princess

Xena/Gab is an odd ship for me because they’re not really my type lol. Friends to lovers is something I’ve always been a little meh about, and while they have their tense and interesting and complex moments their appeal is mainly the soulmate thing. But this ship makes the list for two reasons: 1. they are immensely fun to watch together, like what they lack in an interesting dynamic they make up for in chemistry, and it’s a delight to watch the show and soak in all the ott subtext, and 2. Conqueror AUs. There’s a subgenre of Xena fic where Xena never turned good and met Gabrielle while she’s ruling the known world with an evil iron fist, and some of that has the good dynamics.

Fraser/Ray Vecchio - Due South

Honestly the main reason I ship them is because I love Ray and Ray loves Fraser, and Ray is one of those very rare faves that I actually want to be happy lol. But they do have a really interesting, and somewhat unique for me dynamic - Fraser prioritizes the abstract concept of duty over everything else, to really destructive lengths at times, while Ray prioritizes Fraser over everything else, also to really destructive lengths at times, and this leads to an unbalanced but v interesting relationship. Especially because like, this isn’t just a result of the show prioritizing Fraser lol, the narrative is very aware of this dynamic and explores it in interesting ways.

Eve/Villanelle - Killing Eve

I was into it from the start, and completely sold when Eve stabbed Villanelle. They’ve got the interesting shifting power dynamics, the disparate morals edging towards meeting in the middle, the violence, the chemistry, even the cute little domestic moments here and there. tbh I am a little.. nervous about where this show is going with them, because I am concerned they’re playing the Villanelle as a psychopath who can’t ~genuinely love~ thing straight, which could not be less interesting to me, but still, so far I’ve gotten more than enough material to keep me happy and hopeful.

D/Leon - Pet Shop of Horrors

In general they’re just a ridiculously fun dynamic, like come on. You’ve got the odd couple thing, you’ve got Leon switching between criminally investigating D and basically coparenting his brother with him, they all go on vacation together at one point, they have like, a dragon kid together, and who doesn’t love the married couple bickering? Also the ending [vague spoilers] is exactly the kind of sad romance I love. They both realize they’re in love, and D chooses to run the fuck away because he doesn’t know how to love a human, while Leon chooses to run the fuck after him for the rest of his life if that’s what it takes. This is technically subtext, but only barely.

Troy/Abed - Community

They had me at the Somewhere Out There duet. I stopped caring about the show after season 3 and I’ve only seen a few episodes since, but man when Community was good it was great and Troy and Abed were the mvps and clear otp of the show. Tragic that Harmon couldn’t commit beyond gay jokes tbh, but at least we’ll always have the romantic zombie episode.

Starsky/Hutch - Starsky and Hutch

This is a bit of a weird choice because I was never super into the fandom, like I haven’t read much fic, and I watched the show back in like my first year of university but not really since because like, it’s a 70s cop show lol, there’s not a whole lot that’s worth watching about it. But man, Starsky and Hutch are the damn kings of the extremely emotionally intense homoerotic friendship. Their off the charts chemistry and constant hurt/comfort plots were next level, and fully engaging and super fun to watch despite everything else.

(Also the 4th season is terrible, but shockingly good and ridiculously coherent if you watch it with the understanding that in between season 3+4 they had sex or made out or something and Starsky freaked out and Hutch is alternately depressed and pissed off at Starsky for his avoidance. Like that reading legit ties everything together lol, from their suddenly strained relationship to random jokes(?) like Hutch encouraging Starsky to try free word association, giving him the word “closet” to start, and Starsky getting mad about it for no reason. And in the 4th to last episode (production order) they clearly finally get together for real, in the coda to Starsky vs Hutch. I mean come on they fight while dating the same woman and then make up off screen and the final scene is the two of them meeting her in a bar and telling her she gets both together or neither, then walking away with their arms around each other when she turns them down.

I may have just wanted to ramble about this lol.)

#Anonymous #ask #b #not berserk

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automatismoateo · 5 years

Text

I posed a question to my religious mum, who said she'd rather kill her kids than deny God, yet called me selfish via /r/atheism

Submitted March 12, 2019 at 01:29PM by Badbussy (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2Uz6syX) I posed a question to my religious mum, who said she'd rather kill her kids than deny God, yet called me selfish

This is my glimpse into why it is just as useful as watching paint dry as it is trying to talk to a Christian that is incapable of considering an aLteRnaTe rEaLitY where god is not real and the (complete lack of) impact it has

TL;DR at the bottom

Background: I was raised Coptic Orthodox, shitty esp. bc its my ethnicity as well so my entire cultural circle stemmed from church. From when I was a young child I would sob for hours when forced to go to mass, and in mass I was anxious and stressed as they took upwards of 3 hours. Got mega depressed at ~9yo and clung to religion purely to have someone to talk to (legit imaginary friend lmao), which I eventually outgrew. So I left at 15, I cut off all my friends and got harrassed, emotionally blackmailed and stalked until I was 17, when they just gave up. My mum, who agrees that churches are fairly corrupt and only goes for communion, only just noticed I'm atheist and took it upon herself to convince me otherwise...

Amidst the typical pointless trying to convert her daughter conversation, a hypothetical is raised;

Me: If someone held a gun to your children's heads and asked you to deny God, what would you do?

Mum: I would never deny God, he's done too much for me

Me: Do you think me, who doesn't believe in God, deserves to die for a second-hand religious reason?

Mum: It doesn't matter

Me: Ok pretend its the lives of 30 strangers

Mum: I would still never deny God

Me: Do you not see what a selfish decision that is? With you prioritising you going to heaven over the lives of others? What's to say that it wasn't God's plan for those others to survive?

Mum: God gives us the free will to choose

Me: You are making the choice for these people, why are you their executioner? Isn’t murder against the commandments? What about their free will? What if God's not real and you've slaughtered them for nothing?

Mum: But I have faith that he is

Me: How would you know that's what God wanted though? What if it was a test of morality not faith?

Mum: I guess I would find out when I die

Excerpt 2: The telling your child to commit suicide hot take

Mum: Without religion there's nothing to believe in, you are better off just committing suicide there's no point in you being here. Without religion, it is impossible ti have any ambition, so just stop wasting everyone's time

Me: What if God is completely undeniably proved false? Will you kill yourself?

Mum: But God's real what's your point???

Excerpt 3: Stupid fucking morality

Mum: Atheists have no morality system and all have no moral compass or ethics. Neither do you

Me: I was raised a Copt for the first 15 years of my life. Would my internal morality system disintigrate?

Mum: That doesn't matter there's nothing stopping you from killing someone

Me: So the fear of hell is the only reason you obey the law? You’re admitting that Christianity fear mongers to maintain power

Mum: No I'm just saying you have nothing to believe in, so there's no morals and therefore all Atheists are selfish pieces of shit

Me: Yet everyones morals are formed through their environments, most typically on their individual perception on what is right and justifiable to them

Mum: But atheists are selfish

Me:.... you are willing to kill me to go to heaven but ok

TL;DR: All attempts at an argument are refused by fAiTh, leading to fun conclusions such as "I would kill my kids and countless others before denying God" and that "all Atheists were sociopaths who should kill themselves", y'know, the rational response

Btw i wrote most of the argument down while live texting it to a friend, lemme know if you're keen for more

#reddit

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rohobi · 6 years

Text

Serendipity 05 | (M)

pairing— jeon jungkook x reader, friendwithbenefitsAU genre/warnings— smut, fluff, humour words— 3, 781 ↳ CHAPTERS → CHAPTER 6

summary: ❝For someone like you who has never been in love -never being allowed that opportunity, the library is the perfect place to imagine if you were. Because let’s be honest, you fall in love with perfect strangers on public transport all the time and being in the library is no different.❞

You have failed contract law two times and it’s not because you can’t do it or because you aren’t smart enough, it’s because you’d rather do that stupid 1000 degree glowing knife thing on your own fucking foot than be an actual lawyer. You see, you were only given two choices: medicine or law and honestly, fuck being a doctor.

Choosing law didn’t mean at all that you wanted to be a lawyer. It just meant that you had bought 5 more years of relative freedom from your menacing and controlling parents.

But freedom evidently comes at a price and for you, it was love and happiness and everything else that comes in between.

Sinking into the uncomfortable wooden seat in the public library, you liken yourself to a period stain on the underwear of academia because you have no interest in law and being a lawyer, and besides contract law, you were acing practically everything else.

“Hi sorry,” a young girl in a bright red velvet dress asks, shaking you from your thoughts. She points to the chair beside you, “Are you using this chair? My boyfriend needs a place to sit and this is the only table with free chairs.”

“Oh sure,” you smile, pushing the chair towards her. “Um, yeah no worries. Take it.”

“Thanks, just want my boyfriend to be comfortable when we study together,” she whispers, almost in a gloating way that makes you internally cringe. “You know how boyfriends get.”

“No I don’t and I didn’t ask,” You deadpan, blinking at the girl. “You can go now.”

“You’re right, you wouldn’t know.” She snorts at you, looking you up and down before rushing off with the chair. You watch her with a scowl on your face as she pushes the chair behind her boyfriends knees, kissing his cheek as he sits.

You roll your eyes and before you can curse out that couple, your phone vibrates loudly against the wooden table in front of your books.

“I swear to god if this is my mother...” you grit your teeth as you grab it, expecting it to be your mother and her callous communication regarding tonight's dinner but as you read the message, you are pleasantly surprised that it isn't.

In fact, you smile because it’s Jungkook.

Jungkook: Guess what just happened. I was leaning against a traffic pole and then felt something wet soak into my socks. It’s summer, there’s no puddles. So, I look down and you know what I see? A doG WITH ITS FUCKING HIND LEG UP, PEEING ON THE POLE AND ONTO MY LEG. I had to walk home wiTH DOG PISS ON ME!!! then I missed my ride to the harbour. The boys left on the boat half an hour ago without me and now I’m bored. Where are you? [11:02AM]

You snort as you lean back into your chair, “Idiot.”

You: Can you hang with Yoongi or something, it’s Taco Tuesday! I really can’t be bothered. [11:02AM]

It’s a lie but you’re quite content being alone today.

Jungkook: It’s Thursday idiot. Are you challenging me to find you? Also, Yoongi doesn’t have lips as soft as yours so I’m coming to find your sweet ass. [11:03AM]

You cringe. “Your ex-girlfriends may have enjoying your sweet talk but I sure as hell-

“Ssssh, you’re in a library!” a boy hisses across from you, behind his copious amount of astronomy books.

Your cheeks burn a blush as you stare at him. “What are you, the library police?”

He rolls his eyes, pointing to the sign that emphasised in all caps that your current seated position was in the quiet zone.

“Fine, damn, sorry.”

Turning back to your phone, you send Jungkook a gif of a child pointing the finger.

You: *gif* Well, from the sugar scrubs Yoongi has, I beg to differ. My professional opinion is that Yoongi does in fact have soft lips and that you should stay with him and kiss them instead [11:03AM]

Jungkook: whY SO UNHAPPY FOR??? WHAT'S HAPPENED IN YOUR WORLD??? WHY YOU GOT THE CASE OF THE GRUMPS?? HAVE YOU EATEN TODAY? [11:03AM]

You: Legit, nothing. You won't find me even if you tried, just stay home and play on your PS4 [11:04AM]

Jungkook: If I can find you in 10 minutes, will I get a prize? [11:04AM]

You: That depends on what you want and what you want is never actually good so no. Don’t know why you’d want to hang with me rn tbh I want to kill someone and that person could be you [11:04AM]

Jungkook is typing....

Jungkook: You can kill me if you want but do it with your lips lol all I want to do rn is to make out with you, can ye let your bestboi do dat? [11:05AM]

Rolling your eyes, you shake your head.

You: Why are you so annoying? Just kiss your fist, same difference [11:05AM]

Jungkook: Because you’d know all about kissing your fist haha. See you soon. Bet I can find you in less than 10 minutes, better be puckering up those precious lips of yours lol [11:05AM]

Jungkook: ?? [11:07AM]

Jungkook: ;) [11:07AM]

You ignore the rest of his messages before turning your phone off and putting it back into your pocket. He’d never be able to find you. You were certain Jungkook had never even stepped a foot into this library and he’s not about to start now. Picking up your book, you try to force yourself back into the prisons of sociology -a topic you have found interesting lately but the library and it’s once paradisiacal magic, stops you from even wanting to turn the damn page.

“Baby, don’t tickle me. I don’t want to get kicked out! I need to finish this report,” the young girl from before whispers, slapping her boyfriends hand away. “Stop it!” she squeaks when he retaliates with a hand up her dress.

The sound of her happiness pisses you off.

“Being kicked out is the last thing you should be worried about. I could kick your ass.” You whisper, slumping into your seat, letting your skirt be dragged up the cold uncomfortable wood. Who cares if people see your granny panties. “Why am I here?”

You have decided that there is something frustrating about libraries and it’s not because you spend most of your time in the one at uni but because now, it’s a place you often feel so damn lonely in that it’s no longer a pleasant escape anymore. And it’s not the learning atmosphere or the allusion that one cannot speak or make noise, to be quite frank, it’s them:

The couples.

The romantics.

The happy ones.

They ruin it.

Everyone around you has a friend or a lover (minus library police who looks content looking at the stars on his own but you aren’t about to empathize with that). Hands are being held under desks, people are cuddling together on the floor and on the couches as they read, shy smiles and earphones are being shared, heads are on shoulders, secret kisses are being exchanged.

It’s love and you hate it.

Because you aren’t in it.

You watch a girl not that much older than you sitting by the indoor spider plant against the chest of who you think might be her boyfriend. She looks happy, comfortable and beautiful but most of all, she looks in love.

You wonder what you’d look like in love if you were ever given the opportunity.

Spurred on by the passing scent of sandalwood, vetiver and cedar, you imagine yourself pressed against his chest instead of her. You’d definitely have your hand on his knee as you read or you’d be kissing his bicep every now and then, something that would affirm you as his lover to others.

You’d be a good lover maybe even better than her.

Shaking that thought out of your head, you clench your eyes closed. It’s an ugly thought and you can’t explain its origins. You’ve never been the type of person to feel insanely jealous of strangers but here you are, doing exactly that for no reason at all.

Maybe you were hungry.

Could explain why you feel so angry at everything.

Who knows.

You just feel a fervent desire to be held as you read or to have someone to just be there with you when you are so goddamn lonely that you aren’t okay, like right now when you feel like no one in this world cares.

And the intensity of this emotion makes you feel like your heart will burst when Jungkook sits opposite you suddenly out of the blue, wearing a white cotton button up shirt and blue sweats, panting like a madman.

Because he does care and he actually found you.

This big toe for thumbs idiot actually found you.

With perspiration dripping down the sides of his face, he tilts his head, a tired easy smile spreads across his face and you wonder why your heart hadn’t bled out all over your books. You can't believe he found you.

Leaning towards you, he whispers over your books. “I found you. Do I get my prize?”

“I can’t believe you found me?” you blink confusedly, “You’ve never even been in this building, how did you know which section I was in in?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, he laughs silently. “I asked reception if they had seen a grumpy and loud little shit wearing a pleated pink skirt with tomato sauce stains on it because there is no way she would’ve changed her clothes from yesterday and they pointed me to this very table.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever.”

Leaning forward, he points excitingly. “See, what's with this shitty attitude. The sky didn’t fall on you when we spoke this morning, what's happened in the meantime. Your parents harassing you again about marriage?”

“Nothings happened, just leave me alone.”

“You could always just tell them that you plan on marrying me? That would get them off your back.” he whispers as though it were a genius idea. You imagine it, you telling your parents that you would be marrying an architect with nurses for parents. “Not too sure my parents would be keen on that but who knows. It’s your face that will get clawed, not mine.”

“So it is your parents?” he asks.

You shake your head.

But he doesn’t give in. Grabbing your arm, he shakes it as though you’ll actually tell him. “What is it Y/N?”

“Oh my god, Jungkook, I don’t want to talk about it,” you whisper harshly, pulling your arm back. “You’ll think it’s stupid and then I’ll be embarrassed and even more grumpy. Happy?”

“Of course not.”

“I’m sorry but I can’t help you with that.” you muster. "Honestly, I just want to be alone."

“Something is telling me that you're upset because you are alone. I know you. Come with me.” Scraping the legs of his chair loudly against the tiled floor, he grabs your wrist, pulling you out of your seat and dragging you through the quiet study zone and into the library aisles.

Rushing through aisles of tall wooden bookshelves, you watch his timberlands scrape against the dark blue carpet. If this was any other person, you would’ve kicked them straight up the gucci hole. But this is Jungkook and you trust him more than you trust yourself. You pass librarians restocking shelves, languid book explorers, indoor plants and many many empty aisles.

“Jungkook,” you pout, letting him drag you. “Are you taking me to the children's literature section so I can help you get a book out?”

He snorts, looking back at you. “No, of course not. I’m taking you to the horticulture section so I can deflower you.”

“Right,” the deeper you go into the library, the darker and more desolate it becomes. “You’re joking right? Because I know this is hot and a big fetish on pornhub but I can’t focus on anything but those pants right now.”

“What about my pants?”

Smiling, you whisper. “Your thighs look so muscular and your booty be poppin boy, I see you. You been working out.”

Wiggling his eyebrows, he stops to whisper in your ear. “Well, one of us has to.”

You gasp. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You’re weak is all, lucky you have me,” Jungkook smiles at you before looking left and right. “It looks like we are all clear.”

He drops his hand from yours.

“For what?” you ask.

He turns to face you with a smug grin plastered across his face.

Stepping close to you, he grabs your shoulders, pulling you into a random aisle and pushing you up against the bookshelf. Your back hits the shelf uncomfortably and you wince at the protruding corners of hard covered books against your spine.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you whine, rubbing your back. “Be gentle will you?”

He steps close, raising his hand to caress your cheek. “Being gentle with you is impossible with a mouth like yours.” His eyes fall down to your lips. He can only guess what you might be thinking about when he watches you bite your lip.

“Jungkook?” you whisper, watching his eyes flick down to your lips. You’re so close you can see the little freckles on his chin and the scars of old acne on his cheek and then he smiles at your sudden complacency.

You close your eyes as he leans toward your face.

But he doesn’t kiss you like you think he will, he simply watches the pink rise to your cheeks as you clench your eyes impossibly tight. You look ridiculous and Jungkook doesn’t think he’ll have another opportunity to admire you so closely again, so that’s all he does.

“You look like your pushing a poo out,” he whispers, cupping your jaw, “Relax will you, why are you weird today?” You open your eyes as he relaxes against you. “You’ve been grumpy all day Y/N, what's happening with you?”

“Nothing,” Looking away from him, you take a deep breath. “I’m just ...I’m not okay and I feel lonely and I hate everyone.”

He nods in thought. “It’s okay to not be okay sometimes, I won't hold that against you.”

You look back to him in a small grin. “Thanks.”

“But I will hold it against you if you don’t tell when you aren’t okay. How do you expect me to help you or comfort you if I don't know? I’m not a mindreader.”

“Why would you comfort me? Why would you want to help me?” you ask, something passes through his face, hurt? You aren’t sure. “I mean, why would you ...I’m not important.”

“Y/N,” he holds your face tenderly, rubbing his thumb across your cheek bone. “I want to beat up the person who made you think that you weren’t important. I don’t like it when you aren’t happy, it’s just not right.”

“What?” you blush, feeling the heat of his affection boil in your chest.

“You mean alot to me you stupid egg,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to yours. “I’m here for you Y/N, you know that and you can tell me anything.”

Leaning down, he nuzzles your nose with his. You close your eyes, letting the feeling of comfort sink into your bones as you relax back into the bookshelf behind you. It hurts but you aren’t hurting alone for once, and that is nice.

Wrapping your arms around his waist, you whisper against him. “I do know,” You take a deep breath, he’s honestly the fresh air you need when everything in your world feels murky. “It’s just sometimes, I don’t even know why I’m not okay and my brain has to go and find reasons like right before you came, I was mulling over how single I am in comparison to the amount of couples there are in here.”

“Don’t be jealous of them. Men bring in their girlfriends in here so they can have a piece of mind and enjoy silence for once in their relationships. That’s probably why you saw alot of them in the quiet zone.”

You laugh in realisation. “Oh shit, you’re right. I feel a little better now.”

He smiles. “Good.”

Jungkook presses forward, rubbing his nose past yours to slide his lips over your smooth ones. It’s a soft chaste kiss but one that pulls you back down to earth from whatever rock you had launched yourself onto while you were hating the world.

Stepping closer to you, Jungkook vice pinches your chin, pulling away from your mouth to run his thumb over your bottom lip. You languidly open your eyes, staring at him as he gently latches onto your lip before letting it go.

Dropping his hand from your face, he stands back wiping his palm on his thigh. “You need to wash your face.”

Frowning, you push him away so that you can pull him into a choke hold in your arm. Squeezing around his throat, you drag him down the aisle. “Ruin the moment much! You are such a little nob you know that.”

“I have a big nob actually.” he chokes.

You laugh into his face. “The size of your penis does not matter when the size of your brain is so little. Try reading a couple books?” You poke into his temple.

“Fuck, I love it when you speak nerd to me.”

Pushing you off him and up against the bookshelf, he kisses you again. You can feel him smiling against your mouth as he pushes himself up against you, he fucking loves this, of course he does.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you give in to this kiss. You could honestly and seriously get used to kissing him, his lips were always so soft and being held by him and surrounded by his scent was comforting. Tilting your head, you deepen the kiss, unsure if you should use tongue but immediately doing it anyway because who fucking cares.

Jungkook made a list of rules and broke most of them on the same day anyway.

Pulling away from you, Jungkook begins kissing down your neck. Brushing his palm up your thigh, he moves his hand over your stomach before slipping it under your shirt. His fingers tickle your sides before sliding up your torso, stopping just underneath the wire of your bra. Cupping over your bra, he squeezes and you marvel at how perfectly his hand fits over your breast.

Pressing open mouth kisses against your neck, you moan as softly as you can manage being in a public setting. “Jungkook, keep it PG.” Dropping your hands, you wrap them around his hips, pulling him closer by his waistband so you can slip them under his shirt and feel the soft skin of his back.

His teeth nip at your earlobe before his lips press light kisses under your ear. You shudder at the affection but your heart ricochets against your chest, maybe libraries weren’t that sad after all.

“I love that,” you mutter and he groans against you, salt on the tip of his tongue. “Feels good.”

You really do love how quickly Jungkook can move from intense to leisure as if he had all the time in the world for you that makes you slump against him, a content sigh leaving your mouth.

Pulling your hand out from his back, you check your watch over his shoulder. “I have ...a dinner tonight with my parents at 7.” you say, feeling breathless.

Pushing his hands up your waist, he opens his mouth to roll his tongue on the most sensitive parts of your skin. “Hmm, want me to come?”

You laugh. “To the dinner or in your pants?”

Nibbling on your earlobe, he whispers. “To the dinner but if you want to make me come, go ahead.”

Dropping your hands from around his neck, you slowly and comfortably dip your fingers past the waistband of his pants. “I’d love for you to come ...but you haven't met my family before and when you do ...I’m not sure if you’ll still want to be my friend.”

Pulling away from your neck, he kisses your nose. “How bad can they be?”

Putting your hand in his briefs, you palm his hardening length. Jungkook bites his lip, and you watch his eyes close languidly.

“Pretty fucking bad,” you muster, stroking his erection. “You have to look a certain way if you want to come though.”

Pressing his forehead against yours, he clenches his eyes closed as you wrap your hand around his shaft to dry jerk him. “What ...kind ...of way?”

Pushing your nose past his, you place a tender kiss against his lips. He thrusts into your hand in response. “Leather loafers, designer socks, suit pants, dresser shirt, styled hair and gucci cufflinks.”

Dropping his head onto your shoulder. You press your thumb against his leaking slit.

“Fuck,” he groans deeply. “Yeah, I can do that. I knew your family were rich. Anything else?”

“Don’t be offended by anything they say. My dad will see a weakness and exploit it. It’s what he’s good at.”

Pressing you harder against the bookshelves, he whimpers into your ear. “And ...ah ...your mother?”

“She’ll like you because you’re hot."

You look over his shoulder, left and right to check if you are alone. Pumping his shaft as quick as you can go, Jungkook digs his teeth into the soft junction between your head and your neck as he cums all over your hand and in his pants.

His heart's racing and you are kind of disturbed, reluctant to pull your hand out and deal with his sticky cum. “That was quick.”

“You jacked me quick, fuck you.”

“I didn’t say that was a bad thing, I’m happy. My wrist lives another day,” Collapsing on you, you pull your hand out. You wipe it on the back of his shirt as you cringe. “So, you actually want to meet my parents?”

He nods against you, not wanting to move. “Yes.”

You rake your fingers through his hair with your other hand, massaging his scalp. “You think you’ll be okay?”

He shivers as you drag your nails down his neck. “Probably.”

Kissing his cheek, you push him away. “I’ll give you until 6:30 to back out. Have fun walking out of here with a wet stain on your groin that makes you look like you pissed your pants.”

He sinks into the bookshelf as you pull away, watching your back as you walk down the aisle. "Feel better now?" You nod before walking out his sight. "Absolutely."

Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s just agreed to but then again, neither do you.

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thestudyfeels · 6 years

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Hello There!

Just a note: This is some real important stuff. ONLY read if you have like 10 min at hand. Otherwise, bookmark this and save it for your Sunday afternoon because this is truly about to change your life. No clickbait here, I promise.

I’ll hands down say that this is the most important thing you will read today. And if you, like most people, spend your time alternating between why does my love life suck ass and whining, “ok, but honestly, climbing Everest would be easier than tackling the mountain of homework Miss Honey assigned” then this is surely the most important thing you’ll have ever read in your life.

In fact, if you blindly stumbled upon my blog and wanted to check out what shit I write, let this article be the lucky one.

Get excited (beat your chest like King Kong, play this song and jump up and down like a bunny) because I’m about to change your life. Or not. Most of it depends upon you making the decision to. Alright, I'll get into the juicy stuff soon, Wilma. First hear me out. I’m about to drag your lazy ass out from your broom closet and out into the sun. I’ll make you feel guilty in this post. Not cuddle you or “understand that you are trying.” I won’t tell you that you’re a champ and “dreams are made of roses.” Because you’re not. At least not yet. And not to be a party pooper, but roses have thorns too. Just saying.

Instead, I'll try my hell best to make you realize that you're simply not doing enough. Caught yourself scrolling through your Insta feed when you’re supposed to be writing an essay? Aha!

In the end, I’ll try to get as brutal as brutal can possibly get, because homie? Life isn’t a joke. Stop living like it’s one.

Ok, So What’s This Bubble Anyway?

In the past 6 months, I’ve read a thousand self help books (Or was it 2500? I mean, legit, each tree in the forest had to die). All of them, yes every single one, had one thing in common that was literally being screamed right in your face. GET OUT OF THAT BUBBLE.

In the self help community, the bubble is known by different names - Ego, The Mist, Big Snooze, that old, grouchy librarian in your high school who particularly hates you for no reason. I like to call it the bubble. Bubbles are cute. Except this one.

The bubble is what locks you in a cage of fear, ignorance, negative friends, and everything else that isn’t shiny. It prevents you from seeing how awesome this world is, how powerful you are, the many opportunities that await, and how good it feels to be alive.

The sad part is that even though we are born free, a beautiful bundle of fearlessness and courage, we get trapped in this bubble as we grow older. The even sadder part of the story is that most people spend their entire lifetime in this bubble. They don’t bother with risks, don’t feel that they deserve to be loved, underestimate their potential, never see their dreams as a reality, and prevent others from doing their own damn thing.

They would rather waste their precious time whining about the horrible beans Mrs. Brown is serving in the cafeteria today.

"Why Get Out? I Like Bubbles."

Hon, if you're into bubbles, you've got stockholm syndrome, but trust me, you DO NOT want to be in it.

Don't you want to push past your limiting beliefs, knowing that everything you want to achieve is possible? Then, you’ve got to come out of the bubble. Don’t you want to let go of your fears, rise above them, and learn to commit to your goals? Then, come out of the bubble.Don't you want to shoot for the stars, become successful and leave a legacy behind? Then, GET OUT OF THE BUBBLE. I want you to create the life you want with the belief and drive that your entire life depends on it.

Because guess what? It does.

If you are still reading, it’s probably ‘cause you're realizing you're more lost than Dory was and maybe some parts of your life aren’t looking too good. Or maybe nothing’s going great. You were probably just heading out to look for free beer and this caught your eye. Well, forget the beer and listen up. Let’s get high on life here.

Everything you want is possible. And no, I’m not an astrologer saying things like “Jupiter hates Saturn. Saturn, however, has a crush on Mars. Therefore, now is the time to poop.”

Here, lemme give an example from my life.

Two years ago, I was living a crappy life. I had a bunch of very sucky friends, I was insecure about myself, seeking validation from those sucky friends again, failing at school (and life), and had self-esteem buried deeper than the Mariana Trench.

Two years later, I have two good ol’ homies for whom I can die for (and they for me) and many other friends who are freaking awesome. I am neither insecure about who I am nor do I take no shit from anyone. I’m not afraid to voice my own opinion and I’m killing it, both at school and at life. My GPA has never been higher, and neither has my self-satisfaction level.

So what changed? I still have the same body, the same bad eyesight (lmao) and the same obsession with One Direction. What changed was my perception about myself and what I can achieve.

But how did it change? I’m going to be that author and say, GET OUT OF THE BUBBLE. It's the evil bubble that's doing sneaky shit. It’s what convinces you that what you dream is impossible and you should choose something “sensible”. Basically, society’s opinion in one sentence. Not yours.

Now I ask you. Is this the life you want to live? Ordinary and boring? Doing what your parents want, what society wants, not what you want? Why should society’s opinion matter? Are your fears more important than what you basically breathe, your dream? In the words of John A. Shedd, “A ship in harbor is safe, but that isn't what ships are built for. They have to face the stormy seas.” In the same way, even though you might have to overcome thousands of struggles and doubts on the way to your dream life, you can’t simply give up and be like “Screw that. I’m okay with this babysitting job. I mean babies puking isn’t even that bad. C’mon.” Every human is meant for greatness. It’s honestly time people realize that. Burst out of the bubble already.

Popping The Bubble

So when do people wake up? It’s only when people find themselves in a near-death experience that they wake up transformed, realizing how every moment is valuable, and every day a chance to pursue their passions. They wonder how they could have led such a shit-ass life a week back and take action asap. This is because it’s only in these events that we realise, humans are mortal, and it’s a blessing to be alive.

Annnnd plot twist. Even then, society’s all like, Wtf Shane, are you really going to quit this really comfortable job to start a bakery? What about that bone chilling debt you are in? What about your two children?? Do you even know wtf you’re doing???

Like hello?! Of course Shane knows that! But he would rather live his dream life than die with you whining about the mushy beans at his funeral.

Fortunately, you don’t have to have a near-death experience to flip the tables. It’s all about making the decision to change. Getting out of the bubble is truly all a mental battle. You're either in it, or not, there's no halfway. Once you choose to make a difference in your life, there's no going back.

And as scary and maybe crazy this might sound, trust me when I say this - It is nowhere as bad as you waking up one fine day, realizing that you wasted years upon years, and still haven’t created a life meaningful to you. The regret will crush you. That, not the struggle for success, will break your heart, but then it’ll be too late. Too late to live your dream life, find true love, meet new people, and leave your mark.

Heck, you'll even feel guilty for 'forgetting' to water the plants, mate. I guess you 'forgot' to live your life too.

The only way of popping the bubble is by killing your past, confining beliefs. By truly believing in your dreams and the fact that they will be a reality one day. When we were kids, our innocent minds believed everything. What, a fat, red (possibly a tomato) man is going to drop down the chimney, eat up my Oreo cookies and leave gifts because I've been nice? Why shouldn’t he? That is how I want you to believe in your dreams now. No matter how crazy they are, just believe in them. Don't lose that conviction, don't listen to others. Blind faith, give me that.

Because you see, so many people today end up regretting their lives. They don’t live it when they have the chance, and in the end, they realize that Shane was right. Now he has a multi-million dollar bakery business and they're stuck at the same high school as the janitor.

[ I’ll tell you how to slay every single thing that comes your way in another post (don’t throw those tomatoes at me, lmao) but for now I want you to simply have faith in yourself. It's been known to move mountains. ]

The End Card

So what’s limiting you? Your lame friends? Leave them. Your stupid fears? Forget them. Your doubts? Drop them. Your life awaits, my darling. Make the choice to live it.

Finally! If you’re ready, here, take this pin (I used it to puncture society’s ego) and burst that bubble. Don't let that pin give this crazy adventure called life a flat tire.

Hopefully, this changed your life. I would like to end with a warning - The worst mistake a person can make is by delaying the good stuff. These are the people who end up with the most regrets. They say they’ll workout when they get done with this big project. They will change their lives radically when they have time, love more and become a better human tomorrow. That’s bullshit in its purest form. You’ll find them making the same excuses the next day.

Point is, time waits for no one. It’s flying by. Your life is happening right now. Tomorrow will be no different. So take action now. Sooner or later, you’ll find yourself as a 50 year old grandma, regretting the opportunities you missed out on, if you don’t give your all today. Is there something you’ve been wanting to do since Ice Age? Start on it today. Now is the time. One last thing. At the end of your life, the only person you’ll be accountable to you will be you. So be sure, be very goddamn sure, to live true to yourself.

I’ll be here cheering for you the loudest.

want to read more? view the other masterposts in the series “get your shit together, you are here to conquer.” :-

general tips for getting your shit together

loving yourself and letting go of negativity

understanding the meaning of your life

taking control of your life: a 3 part series (click here to view)

Well, it’s a wrap! I post new articles every week (the schedule’s up on my blog’s front page) so you can follow me if you are interested in killing the game & conquering life bc I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life.

If you want to go thru my blog, I would rec picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy Sunday afternoon while chilling under ‘em blankets, I would rec reading one of my interviews. Feeling spoilt for choices? Here’s another! If you want to implement the ideas I share in my masterposts by taking action - take on one of my challenges! + you can also request a blog post! For that, leave your question in my ask box!

I hope you are well, stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.

- nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

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