#its like how people perceive bees as having genders even though they dont actually

[dyketubbo]

i dont think cranboo has two moms but i do think if people were to try and match up human genders to endermen then cranboos parents would seem like moms. does this make any sense

#its like how people perceive bees as having genders even though they dont actually #mask mews #ranboo #dsmp

[darlington-v]

HELLO YES IS ONE OF(?) THE FELLOW TRANSMASC BEEDUO ENJOYERS, RESPONDING AFTER A MULTIDAY DELAY.

CANT BELIVE THAT HANDHOLDING SHIT.

As someone else who has (on a certain level) like, made that connection, of someone I can be very affectionate with, but am still in the gender closet with for various reasons. I can absolutely understand your impulse and the preassure... a lot of my hesitation is based around a fear of going against some kind of perceived "ground work" in that relationship. And then I get frustrated because in this relationship and others i just would not have to think so much about this and how I present myself if I had just been born a cisguy. I am also just yearning for bro friendships where I'm just perceived as a dude from the get-go, even if I end up acting ""feminin"" or some shit.

But when I think about all the relationships I've had, I wouldn't want to have "skipped over" any of them, even if I wasn't, or didn't start by presenting my truly authentic self. I can't bring myself to regret or fully resent any of those connections, even if in my heart I can't always regard them as 100% "valid" or "genuine" in the context of how I know I was/am perceived and how I present. I dunno, I hope that makes sense, and helps in some way... I guess what im trying to say is, even if I have wishes and yearnings of how things could be different, I still am happy to have had the relationships I've had.... and I know ill just keep meeting new folks and either things will work out or they wont, and that'll be ultimatly for the best...

But hughu its also kinda silly when I think about it, that some internet dudes make me confront and think about all this shit. But it also does make sense too.

I don't know its very hard to explain, feel free to just ignore all this.

yes!!!! i TOTALLY understand this!

it's really frustrating because i would love to seek out other communities and environments that may lead into relationships similar to that of like??? SAME AFFECTION????? but im afraid to put myself out ANYWHERE new because i don't want to be perceived as like... woman-lite or anything. i don't want anyone to have to rethink how they perceive me i just wanted to present in the way that i feel.

similarly to what you said, i don't want to build something on "ground-work" i know i'll have to break down and like. make the REAL ground work pretty much?

and yeah! same! i get frustrated as well because it would just be much easier to deal w/ if i was just. cis. but i don't dwell on that too much, luckily

however i still run into the same issue: (more long winded venty shit below, ur invited to me being extremely vulnerable on the internet have fun)

how can i deal with this and make this easier for myself? is it... achievable even? like! yeah! how can i simply start new relationships with this... pre-established certainty of "that is a Boy! a BONAFIDE boy!" like... not even cis but just.

i struggle with the idea that most people who aren't trans will like... not... TRULY respect my identity? like behind closed doors. which is something i know a lot of trans people struggle with and honestly that is... our own issue in regards to trust. if no one throws and red flags that they don't actually respect your identity, then you really just have to trust that they do.

it's just... honestly putting conditions on like. your trust i guess. PERSONALLY. like im putting conditions on myself such as: if i present masculine then people will respect my identity and assimilate to how i identify, even if i don't present that yet.

which... usually isn't the case? people may take longer to assimilate but if someone is going to respect you, you can usually tell. or i feel like i can.

however. i guess. i want to shortcut the assimilation? but it's unfair to me to just put myself on hold until i don't need to ask people to like. REALLY understand liek HEY. THAT PITCHY MOTHERFUCKER IS A DUDE. because it's hard. and i, in my tiny pea brain, feel like a shortcut would just already be presenting male boy man MASCULINE. however, like i said, it's unfair for me to put that on myself bc that's a LONG time to wait!! that's coming out, getting a new wardrobe, and ALSO getting HRT!! that doesn't just happen in one day.

i explained to some friends that like. sometimes i wish i could just present a certain way and then no one could really ever know me intimately.

and it's definitely not that im... ASHAMED of being trans!! it's very nice and cool! however i feel sad that like... we're still adjusting as a society in terms of like... gender i guess? like... i do not want to be seen as woman-lite by anyone. in any degree. and sometimes you need a deeper understanding of gender to get past like... the weird like. ok he's... he's boy but like kinda not boy??

IT'S JUST. MMM. BEING PERCEIVED AND NOT INTERPRETTED CORRECTLY IS VERY TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT AND UR RIGHT BEING CIS WOULD BE EASIER, I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO BE CIS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO EMULATE CISNESS WHILST REMAINING QUEER WHICH I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE.

however same!!! the relationships i have now i love and i care very deeply about and i feel that like... even though they've known me before i was like "ok masc and he/they" and shit like that, i do feel like they understand like

*points* boy!!

however when it comes to strangers it's so... scary. and like IDK. ITS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS BEFORE. AND IT'S WHY I WANT TO LIKE? EXPLORE THE COMMUNITY FOR OLDER TRANS PEOPLE. LIKE HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS???? how can you just BE OKAY when like... introducing yourself to strangers.

how can you just let... strangers in?

which is also *THROWS THINGS* THE WORST PART!!! I WANT TO BE A CONTENT CREATOR BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!!! I WANT MY VIEWERS TO GO BOY BOY BUT THEY WONT BECAUSE I HAVE NO FORM OF PRESENTATION BESIDE A PERSONA AND A VOICE AND MY VOICE IS PITCHY!!! ITS SO HIGH AND PITCHY!!!

and it's frustrating!! because i don't want an audience who doesn't like understand BOY!!! NOT WOMAN-LITE!!!!!!! NOT WOMAN GOING THRU PHASE!!!!!

BOYYYYY!!!!!

TLDR;

being trans is hard and i just don't want to be seen as woman-lite. i want to bee seen as like cis boy but trans. like i think i'd take more kindly to someone being like "omg i didn't even know you were trans!" to like someone infantilizing me and calling me a sweet little boy bean. and thats a lot easier between close friends! even though they have heard my voice and they've listened to me talk about being trans! they understand. and strangers?? have the potential to not. like they might? but what if they dont... and that's. Scary.

#asks #anon #prince is a fahjay #actually anon this has been a therapy session in and of its own and it's helped a lot! my therapist was like #THIS IS MULTILAYERED #THIS IS GONNA NEED MULTIPLE SESSIONS #and i was like ahhh shit ur right #but this actually helped me compose my thoughts! :] #trans achilleans getting sent into queer crises by bee duo squad #new long ass tag

[acreaturecalledgreed]

AU TIME (again, because i have too many but theyre fun)

so because i love His Dark Materials and i love FMA i have actually been half-assedly working on a daemon au when my brain will allow it

yes theres a million of them out there but i dont care i love them and i wanted my own

quick opinion first: in an interview with the writer of HDM it was brought up to him that a lot of fans headcanon that ppl with same-gender deamons are gay/trans/queer, and he stated that while that wasn’t his intention it was an idea he loved and fully supported- for this reason its generally accepted fanon

i appreciate that he likes it, but i personally do not subscribe to that headcanon at all, since people with same-gender daemons in the series are Specifically stated to be highly uncommon, and put bluntly, Gay/Trans/Queer People Aren’t Rare

so i generally just prefer to think of same-gender daemons as an interesting quirk instead of any indicator of such things

so far the human/daemon lineup is as follows (with some inspired by other fics, which i will link with them)

none of them have names yet because jesus fuck naming daemons is so fucking hard what the shit, and a lot of characters i havent picked out daemons for yet b/c i think it over A Lot before i settle on one

hohenheim- honey bee; insect daemons were extremely common amoung xerxian slaves, though a honey bee implies a certain level of ingenuity and moxy. meek and quiet but should not be pushed to extremes; absolutely never spoke with anyone but hohenheim and on much rarer moments, trisha. because of her size and shyness, the boys actually genuinely grew up with the impression that their father did not have a daemon trisha- elephant shrew; remembered by the boys as always being a good bit more frantic than their mother, but gentle and sweet despite this. unknown the them, actually had a fairly harsh and vicious temper provoked, though he kept it largely to himself. seemed to have no issue speaking with other daemons or humans, and in fact was just as likely to carry out a conversation with them as trisha herself. edward- wolverine (inspired by this fic, part of a series, since i cannot get over how perfect a wolverine is for ed); in general she an ed have extremely similar dispositions, though even in ed’s more somber moments she’s more likely to lash out than he is- including towards him, though they never fight for long. seems to have no issue trying to fight other’s daemons if she has a point she’s trying to make. will speak with other’s daemons, but won’t talk to other humans unless ed is showing signs of being nonverbal. al - unsettled, uncertain what happened to her with the whole body-losing thing. her current status is unknown and al seems unable to communicate if she’s with him or not, though he has developed a strange habit of periodically carrying random objects with him as if they are significant, but only one at a time mei- unsettled; xiao mei is often mistaken for mei’s daemon initially, and mei’s actual daemon likes to exasperate this by taking on the form of a panda very regularly. he’s very playful, but has a low tolerance for any perceived disrespect, and likes to retaliate to this by taking on very large and threatening forms- mei is well read and creative, and this means that sometimes those forms are fantasy creatures. refuses to talk to anyone who isnt mei, though might ask mei to say things to others for him- even if they’re all just standing in the same room.  ling- maned wolf; he doesn’t actually know what she is, and neither does she, so they jokingly play it off by claiming she’s a Very tall fox. the two of them are often very much in sync personality-wise, with her being every last bit as potentially silly as him (in fact, she tends to play up goofy behavior moreso, as she’s found she tends to unsettle people otherwise with her appearance) but also very clever and prone to scheming- though she seems to have a distinct nervous streak that he is seemingly lacking, with any insecurity he might feel occasionally radiating off his daemon. she’ll speak with any human that ling will speak to, but will chatter with just about any daemon who will pay her mind. often wails dramatically to garner attention during his fainting spells. she and lan fan’s rooster are often in contact with eachother, with said rooster often just perching on her. they enjoy gossiping.  things go more than a little haywire for her when Greed is forced into ling’s body, as it turns out that human-based homunculi are absolutely decimating for the daemon of the human host. lan fan- shamo rooster; most of lan fan’s pent up frustration is alive and thriving in him; he is often brusque, ornery, and quick to peck or kick out at other humans, even at the risk of contact. he isnt Always angry, and in fact can be very charming and peaceful when the mood suits him, but in general he’s of the opinion that if lan fan can’t say whats on her mind then he should- much to lan fan’s nigh endless chagrin. he’s even prone to pecking at ling, something that stresses lan fan out greatly and typically results in her simply picking him up and holding him for a while until he agrees to stop. absolutely Refuses to talk to anyone, human or daemon, outside of their travel group.

rather interestingly and somewhat alarmingly he’ll assist in fights as well, willing to risk contact with other human beings if he means the difference b/t life and death in a fight- successfully rips out one of Bradley’s eyes as a result, though of course that doesnt end up being permanent roy- little eagle; she’s cocky, and proud, and dignified, very aware that she’s a very noble-seeming daemon to have. she’ll play up a roll of being prim and proper up until the point where she’s called out on it, at which point she’s more huffy and a tad screechy. she looks incredibly majestic perched on roy’s shoulder or arm but inevitably looks very silly when he can’t carry her for whatever reason and she has to hurriedly waddle after him, something she will complain about the entire time. she has no issue talking to other humans, and will sometimes try to dish out commands in roy’s stead- though she seems to rarely speak with other daemons. despite this, during downtime she can sometimes be seen hopping from daemon to daemon in mustang’s team and perching on or preening them (with the exception of fury’s ball python, who she usually just sits on) riza- female wolfdog; quiet and often keeps to herself, though she seems to like having inside jokes with other daemon’s on mustang’s team, and sharing them with riza. she’s not particularly affectionate, or friendly, but she isn’t aloof either and always seems to have some quiet sense of humor to her. very rare to truly anger but seems willing to bare her teeth at nearly anything that inconveniences or even slightly annoys riza- this is alarming to new people, but it becomes a common and familar sight within a few days, and she doesn’t actually act out aside from it. will absolutely attack viciously in combat situations, however only towards other daemons havoc- palomino mare; she sometimes has a hard time getting around base, and Havoc was almost denied a position in the military due to concerns about the mobility of his daemon. 

she likes to rib havoc and tease him, often giving him a hard time about his love life or bad habits, but is also incredibly rapid to defend him against others. almost somewhat uncomfortably friendly with other humans, she will converse with people solely for the fun of conversing with them. if havoc thinks this is unusual or inappropriate, he has never said so, but people suggestion that she’s the reason he has trouble with love will typically get them an earful from him. 

she likes to use her size to intimidate on the occasions havoc feels a need to be more serious than his usual demeanor, and the effect can read as either genuinely threatening or somewhat silly depending on who its directed at

theyre close and don’t really need to talk with eachother at all to know what the other is thinking

fury- ball python; typical of the animal he’s assuming the form of, he’s exceptionally quiet and docile, rarely speaking outside of a whisper but also not being afraid of talking to other humans if he needs to (for example, if fury is busy with the radio but someone needs information from him) 

he seems to greatly dislike being a fairly small daemon, and typically is either curled around fury’s neck or tightly in a ball on the desk, but the rest of the team can sometimes get him to poke his head out if they’re friendly and patient

{im still working on the rest of team mustang}

{All of the armstrongs have some kind of tiger. All Of Them. It weirds people out, probably rightly so.}

Alex- golden tabby tiger; deeply affectionate and motherly, and extreely aware of her beauty and enjoys flaunting it as much as alex does. somehow has potent MILF energies despite literally being a tiger and it kinda weirds everyone out. including me. im not sure why i just outright wrote that. 

she’s doting to a point thats annoying, and teeters on being unintentionally condescending b/c she just Has to fuss over every daemon around her, especially any smaller than her. ed’s wolverine is perpetually on her last nerve around her, as she’s constantly grooming and coddling her. 

she’s joked before that she’d be JUST as lovey with humans, were it not “wholly and deeply improper to do so”

bizarrely she does have a decidedly harsh streak to her- alex is deeply hurt by his eldest sister’s disdain of him, and while he himself does not act in frustration and tries not to harbor ill will, his daemon is not afraid to do so in his stead, and will march up to olivier’s and swat him directly in the face, despite him being a good twice her size. she’s very hissy and reactive around him, which is surreal to anyone used to how astoundingly friendly she is otherwise.

Olivier- white liger; he is absolutely, mindbogglingly massive and strikes a deeply intimidating aura with his presence alone- which is for the best, since anyone who actually knows him know’s he’s incredibly calm and patient. olivier is bold, fierce and hard enough for the both of them. he is much more content sitting calmly and observing the world around him instead of actually putting up any kind of threatening behavior- and he does observe near everything; its nearly impossible to do anything without him learning of it somehow.

he does not speak with anyone, ever, except for olivier, and even then only in complete privacy. she doesnt seem bothered with his seemingly lax behavior, but she doesn’t tolerate it being discussed, either. 

he tolerates alex’s daemon’s aggression towards him with patient, and if he retaliates at all it is typically simply placing a paw on her head and pushing her away.  scar- the fluffiest mainecoone you've seen in your life; she was once deeply affectionate and loving towards other daemons and quiet with kind words and reassurances towards other humans, but has long since become very reserved and quiet, opting instead to perch on scar and silently observe whats going on around him.  that being said much of that former loving energy has gone into trying to comfort and assist scar as best as she can- she is night constantly purring, fussing and nuzzling over him, doing her damndest to ease his pain even a little

she’s also not to be crossed, and has long since ditched any and all qualms about contact with other humans if it means getting a well deserved bite or swat in- similarly, she will fight other daemons tooth and claw and fuery

she fusses over both mei and nina’s daemons when they inevitably join up with scar, but doesnt talk with anyone but scar

she will often hide in his clothes when traveling, so that scar can travel with nina and try and pass her off as his daemon (as this shrugs off suspicion of what nina is, and steers suspicion away from him due to the species of his daemon being known by the military- theyre looking for a man with a large cat, not a strange dog) nina tucker (survives)- unsettled; Extremely frantic and neurotic, often confused. he is highly prone to lashing out and panicking. nina herself is unusually calm, and somewhat lethargic, and as a result all of her terror over whats happened to her is coming out of her daemon almost entirely. he must be near constantly reassured, but is getting better, and even at times nina herself will pick him up and hold him not unlike a doll, during which are some of the few moments he relaxes completely- reassured at least for now that while they are Different they are still Whole

he used to take on a form similar to alexander but now typically takes on very small forms out of a desperation to hide shou tucker- doe, eerie without intending to be, soft spoken and extremely gentle and kind, weepy, goes into fits of distress whenever shou’s wife is mentioned, led the boys to nina and shou during the night of the Incident all while apologizing profusely because He Did It Again He Did It Again And She Couldn’t Stop Him, saw scar coming in but didnt bother to alert shou because she wanted them both to die kimblee- an african grey parrot, seems to be perpetually shrieking whether from excitement or anger is uncertain. gets unsettling with how generally calm kimblee himself is in comparison. they never seem to be in sync emotionally but she’s just as malevolent as he is

izumi- izumi’s daemon is a grizzly bear, and the two of them seem at constant odds with eachother, highly prone to outright screaming matches and arguements- this usually frightens and stresses people out around them, but anyone who is familiar with the two is used to it. 

they will bicker about small things all the time, but their larger, louder conflicts typically happen where the elrics are involved- mostly with izumi’s daemon objecting aggressively with her treatment of the boys, and feeling its too harsh, and pointing out to her that they both know its too harsh

she knows he’s right, but hates hearing it, so they typically end up yelling it out

he’s not particularly affectionate or loving or doting, and in fact is by nature of being a massive fucking bear highly intimidating, but he’s always very careful to be gentle around children, particularly the elrics

homunculi- ive seen a lot of daemon aus for fma that just dont give the homunculi daemons and while i understand that i think its more fun to play with the absolute horror of if they DID have daemons. the homunculi all have daemon’s that are unbound to them, seemingly having a limitless range they can travel away from their partner- none of them resemble any particular sort of animal. they are all twisted, and warped, and would possibly resemble some sort of animal mish-mash were it not for the fact that their bodies dont seem to follow any sort of law of physical reality at all. they are all mute, and their behavior seems bizarre, but despite this each of them does have a distinct personality that is related to their homunculus. 

the homunculi also literally cannot see them at all, despite humans around them being able to do so; but due to the range of the daemons, and the fact that their appearance is so warped, humans dont actually recognize them as daemons, instead assuming them to be some sort of ghosts or cryptids or the like

the homunculi are unaware they have daemons at all- Father has a massive, mutated beehive of a daemon that they all assume is because he is a copy of Hohenheim, and Wrath has a daemon that belonged to the human he once was- she is unsettled, but rigidly maintains the form of a lioness to paint an impressive image of the fuhrer. she is in nigh constant pain that she keeps hidden, though her limbs and flesh are prone to warping and twisting in unnatural ways if she ever loses her focus

the homunculi assume that these are Strange Exceptions 

(Pride gets away with passing off as human and not having a daemon by claiming that “she’s deeply shy, and likes to be a doormouse so she can hide”; people find this endearing)

thats all i have for now feel free to ask questions

#fma daemon au #long post