#its like. a very common theme in my life idk how to describe it
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LIMERENCE (part I)
Gojo Satoru x gn!reader
"I can't stop loving you, no matter how hard I try."
summary: Your long-time friend stirs feelings inside you that you never realized existed. Of course they bubble up in your chest while he’s in the midst of ignoring you and discovering his own possible romance. Your mutual friend thinks she has it all figured out—or does she?
pairing: gojo satoru x gn! reader
fandom: jujutsu kaisen
genre: hanahaki sickness au, angst, hurt/comfort
warnings: mentions of feeling sick, being stonewalled kinda, usage of the word (Y/N) bc Gojo is too fed up for nicknames (in reality idk what else to use 😶), Gojo being an ass (common theme in my fics oops)
word count: 3.6k
a/n: This is the first part to my hanahaki au! I’ve had this in my drafts for the longest time, but never committed to writing it all out until now. This first bit is kinda slow and maybe confusing BUT hopefully I’ll be able to clear it up next chapter. Not proof read very thoroughly; will probably regret later 🫥
part ii
“DON’T YOU THINK you could be a bit nicer to me?” You try, clasping your hands together as you look up at him with an odd smile—a cross between apologetic and playful. You’re joking, or at least half joking. It’s too difficult to be serious with Gojo; his habit of masking emotion with jest must be rubbing off on you.
Only one corner of his mouth raises. “Good one, (Y/N)-chan. As if I didn’t use to pay your bills.”
He doesn’t look at you when he speaks, and he walks away from you without a single glance. You frown and lightly jog a few steps to catch up to him.
“Ah, and I’m forever thankful for that!” You say, cringing at how overly peppy your tone is. “But that’s not exactly what I meant.”
“Hmm,” Is all he says. His hands are in his pockets, but he doesn’t carry himself with as much ease as usual—his posture is closed off, angular and tense.
“What I meant was–” You prompt your own answer, as he doesn’t make any move to. “We haven’t seen each other in a while. I know you’ve been really busy lately, so I don’t blame you, but I think we should go out and do something. Could help relieve some work stress too, don’t you think so?”
“Maybe,” He says, the word short yet effective in its delivery. The word was sharp in his mouth, clear annoyance shaping his tongue enough for the word to have a bite to it.
You wince. He never used to be like this. Gojo has been in a state of perpetual mirth—and one could argue levity—for the entirety of your friendship, never taking anything seriously and always looking for opportunities to poke fun at you to half-jokingly glorify himself. His expression has always been infectiously positive—never molded into anything hard or serious.
But, lately, everything you thought you knew about Gojo Satoru has faded away into your memories. He never seeks out your presence anymore, which is polar opposite from your high school days, when he would follow you around and pester you until you’d hang out with him. You actually used to get annoyed at this behavior, but you’re sorely missing it now.
You feel like you know nothing about him these days, only hearing tidbits here and there from your mutual friend Shoko. It stings to know that he obviously talks to her, and quite often at that, seeing she always has new details to spill every other day.
It doesn’t make sense to you: him and Shoko were never particularly close, definitely not nearly as close as you and Gojo were. In fact, she thought of him as particularly annoying in high school, and often swore to you that she would cut all contact with him once they graduated.
Back then, you had rolled your eyes at her antics, never believing that anybody could cut Gojo out of their life, seeing as he simply wouldn’t let them. But how else could you describe what he seems to be doing to you?
You bite your lip nervously. “Satoru? Is there something wrong?”
“Not particularly,” He says with a forced smile that’s screaming for you to shut up. You pretend like it’s not the most disingenuous smile you’ve ever seen smeared on his face.
“Are you sure?” You probe. “I mean…what’s been going on with you these days? We haven’t seen each other in forever, and you don’t seem yourself.”
“Are you sure?”
His lips are quirked up, as they perpetually are, but it’s different this time. It’s mocking. A mocking smirk that’s telling you to face reality. Do you really know him anymore?
You pause in your steps, studying his expression. You can’t see his eyes, but you wish you could. He’s hard to read with that blindfold concealing those powerful eyes of his, but it never used to be a problem. It hurts that you’re now struggling to gauge him when your emotions used to feel like one.
Evidently, you can’t answer his question. Not that he seems to care.
“I’ve really got to get going. Students to teach, curses to kill, all that,” He announces, tone low and apathetic. Bored. “See ya.”
Your breath flutters in your throat as you try to bid him goodbye. You choke on your words and only end up tentatively raising a hand. Before you can wave, his form disappears. A gust of wind greets you in lieu of a proper goodbye.
You stay where you are for a few shocked moments, not even registering the hot tears that leak from the eyes he avoided.
You wander aimlessly around campus for a while, the whole interaction replaying in your head several times over. His “Are you sure?” needles its way into your brain even when you push it away, the words hitting where it hurts every time.
Your feet find themselves taking you to an empty break room – ah, this is the one that has your favorite flavor of tea. You turn the kettle on, then eagerly dig through the tea stash. You file through the individual packets quickly and thoroughly, but to no avail. It’s gone.
With a sigh, you grab a random tea bag and throw it into your mug. Frustrated, you roughly begin pouring the now-boiled water into the mug, but it doesn’t seem that was a good idea. Your hand slips for just a split second, but a sizable splash of boiling water still manages to singe your non-dominant hand. A stream of expletives leaves your mouth, and you instantly cradle your hand to your heart.
More tears appear. At least you have an excuse this time—it fucking hurts.
You trudge to the clinic, feeling quite silly, but also seeking some much-needed relief. And you’re not exactly imagining painkillers or an ice pack—no, there’s something else. Someone else.
You hesitantly knock on the door. You feel stupid, but you really have to see her.
You crack a smile at the creak of the door. Your friend and co-worker Shoko strides out with an air of confidence you wish you held.
“What happened?” She asks calmly, eyes lazily taking in your form.
“Spilled some water from the kettle,” You say lamely. “It hurts.”
That doesn’t really constitute a visit to one of the only reverse-cursed technique users in the school, and you know it. So does she.
“Mmhm,” She raises her eyebrows. “Well, come on in.”
You shuffle in a little sheepishly, not able to meet Shoko’s eyes. Now that you’re here, you start to feel unsure about your own motive—do you really want to discuss this? Won’t it just be embarrassing more than anything else?
You stall a little in your steps as the negative thoughts invade your head. You’re startled to attention by a poke to your side—when you look up, Shoko’s playful smirk fills your vision.
“Come on over to the sink and we’ll put that under some cool running water,” She says, gesturing to your reddened arm.
You cock your head, looking between her and the sink skeptically, “No ice?”
She shakes her head, sticking her tongue out at you a bit, “Nope! Running water for burns.”
You hold up your hands in defeat, smiling, “Whatever Doctor Shoko says.”
“And I do,” She says cheekily. “So get under that water!”
“Aye-aye,” You say with a salute.
She groans, “Ugh. You guys are so annoyingly similar. Hang on a sec, I gotta grab something.”
She turns away before she can see the way your expression drops. The smile is stolen from your face, leaving behind saddened eyes and a slight frown. There’s only one possible person she could be talking about.
You sigh and turn on the faucet—your disheartened sigh morphs into one of great relief as the cold water soothes your burn.
“That better?” Shoko asks upon her return.
You nod, a small smile coming back, “Yeah, thanks Shoko.”
“Is there something else wrong?” She asks, then shakes her head. “No, scratch that. What’s actually wrong?”
You take a deep breath. How are you going to broach this subject? You wait several moments, pondering your exact next words.
“Do you think Gojo is okay?” You finally ask your long-time friend, words coming out almost cautiously.
She eyes you funnily, “Why are you asking me? As if he doesn’t chase you around the school to blab on about himself.”
You smile, but it’s tainted by bitterness.
“Shoko…Gojo hasn’t talked to me for two months,” You admit quietly. “I don’t know what’s going on.”
She stops.
“What?”
You hate hearing the confusion in her voice. You hate the pity that soon fills her eyes.
“He seriously hasn’t,” You affirm, sighing. “I don’t know what I did, or if I did anything, or…or what. I just, I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Have you tried talking to him about it?”
You sigh. “Of course I have, but he didn’t seem to take my concerns seriously. Or consider them at all. It just seemed like he wanted me to shut up and leave him alone.”
Shoko looks at you curiously, lips quirking as if she has something to say, but no words come out. Is she holding something back?
You take a deep breath, willing the horrible emotion that squeezes your throat away. You look out the window to distract yourself, watching the branches of a sakura sapling swaying in the wind. It looks alone and lost, battered by the relentless wind.
“What’s he been like recently with you?” You finally ask, your gaze still on the tree.
“Normal,” Shoko says. “Annoying as ever. Noisy as ever.”
A cluster of pink petals is ripped from a branch, swirling hopelessly to the ground. When they settle on the ground, you look back to your friend.
“He’s really the same?” You ask weakly.
“Unfortunately,” She says wryly. “Besides, why do you care? We’ve both been trying to get him off our backs since waaay long ago. Sounds like a blessing in disguise.”
“Ah, that’s true,” You admit with a weak chuckle, trying to ignore the way your heart throbs painfully. “But he’s also our friend.”
“Since when? More like a thorn in my side. Maybe he finally got the message,” Shoko smirks. “You should give me instructions for that. I’d have a lot better quality of life, you know.”
You know she’s just joking around with you, but she’s truly just rubbing salt in your wound. Not very ethical for a doctor, even if unintentional.
“Yeah,” You laugh, but it’s an empty sound. “Well, I guess I’ll get going then. Hopefully your next patient gives you an easier time.”
Shoko jokes, “Yeah, this has been my toughest job all week. You fiend.”
Your head is filled with so many questions, all of them growing louder as you walk away from your friend. Your friend who you thought would sympathize with you, but only ended up making you feel worse in the end is acting suspicious. It’s not like you’ve ever wanted to actually cut ties with Gojo, even when he used to pull pranks on you in high school. You craved for a strong friendship with him throughout all his shenanigans.
Why is Shoko acting like you hate Gojo, and what isn’t she telling you?
Before you reach the door, you decide you need to know. You stop abruptly in your tracks.
“Ieiri, you’re not telling me something,” You say softly, not looking back. “Why?”
Shoko sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose, “You don’t miss anything, do you?”
You say nothing. The door in front of you is tempting—it’s your way out of knowing the truth. Do you really want to know?
You wait tensely for a few seconds, the silence causing nerves to bubble up in your stomach. But when Shoko begins to speak, they go don’t go away.
“He hasn’t really been acting strange around me, but he’s constantly on his phone. Like always. Whenever he comes to chat, he immediately tunes me out and starts texting or loudly takes a call,” She snorts, huffing out an exasperated sigh. “I thought he was just bored and trying to make me feel disrespected as a sort of cruel joke, but I think it’s something else. I think…I think Gojo is interested in someone.”
Your head whips around, disbelief clear in your features. Interested in someone?
“Maybe that’s why he’s been acting weird. I always thought he was crazy for you, so it didn’t cross my mind until now.”
“Crazy for me?” You immediately echo back, voice hollow and confused.
Shoko shakes her head at you, “C’mon, you can’t be that oblivious. He always followed you around like a lost puppy in high school. He never said anything to me about it, but I really thought he would confess any day for years.”
“He did that to everyone…” You shake your head. “You say yourself he bugged you so much.”
She rolls her eyes. “Trust me, it was different.”
Your heart pounds in your chest. Your vision becomes foggy at the edges, reality fizzling out.
“Why didn’t you want to tell me?” You ask. “It’s not like that matters.”
You try to appear uncaring, yet it was a fight to get those words out.
“You’re a sensitive person. ‘Didn’t know how you’d react since Gojo always seemed to chase after your attention, exclusively. But it’s not like it was the other way around—should have known it wasn’t a big deal. It’s not. Guess he’s just growing up.”
“Yeah,” You agree faintly, voice devoid of emotion. Reality is slipping through your numb fingers, the information turning your world into a nightmare. You should have opened the door and ran when you had the chance.
“It’s not,” You say with a saccharine smile, one so sickly sweet that Shoko gets chills. That’s not your usual smile—not one that Shoko has ever seen you wear. “Of course it’s not.”
When you turn on your heel and rush out of her infirmary, Shoko reaches out a hand and her lips part to call after you. It’s uncharacteristic for her—the cold doctor is rarely sentimental or emotionally affected, but she saw something ghastly in that smile of yours.
The slam of the door answers her call. The truth, now imparted, comes to bite her in the ass.
It’s been a few days. You’ve been moping around the school, around your students—trying to cope with the information that you don’t even know is true. You see him across campus sometimes; he’s so easily spotted with his translucent hair and tall frame. Every time, he’s facing away from you, and your eyes fall on the back of his head. Your chest always tightens and you end up turning away, too.
You have ignored the feelings stirring in your chest, not willing to admit something that clearly isn’t reciprocated. It has been working, you suppose, since you haven’t cracked under the mental weight of possibly being in lo—
No, you can’t even think that.
Everything has been as okay as it can. It’s not until you attempt to visit Shoko again to try sort out your feelings, however, that things take a turn for the worse.
Your hand is raised as you prepare to knock on the infirmary door, but you hesitate once you hear muffled voices.
“I don’t know…I didn’t expect it at all.”
That’s Gojo’s voice. That low but self-assured tone is undeniably his.
“Expect what?” Shoko asks, sounding bored.
His reply is so soft that it passes by as just a hiss of air, so quiet that you physically startle at Shoko’s loud reaction.
“No! What? I can’t believe that!” She shouts, laughter quickly following her exclamation.
You shouldn’t be listening—you hadn’t planned to eavesdrop on your two best friends, but for some reason your ear seeks out the wall, as if magnetized.
The next three words uttered still your heart.
“Utahime kissed me,” Gojo admits quietly.
You feel like you can’t breathe. Utahime, who has always despised Gojo even beyond Shoko’s extent. Utahime, who once cried into your chest after Gojo was harsh with her at an exchange event. Utahime, who always persisted that you and Gojo were into each other during high school.
Shoko’s unbelieving chuckle cuts through your thoughts.
Shoko laughs, “Oh, yeah, okay, as if I’d ever believe that.”
There’s silence. Your heart drops at the lack of response—no teasing refute, no playful faux playboy attitude.
Shoko absorbs his unusual silence, finally interpreting his words for what they are.
She gasps loudly, spluttering, “Oh my God, you’re being serious. What?! There’s no way…”
Gojo’s voice is even and deep. “I didn’t lie. She just did it out of nowhere. I didn’t even know how to react, to be honest.”
“So you just stood there?” Shoko snorts, trying to keep up her usual sarcastic persona. “God, you’re insufferable all the way around.”
“I kissed her back,” He breathes out, voice almost weak.
Another long moment of silence ensues. You hold your breath, terrified that your panicked pants will alert them of your presence.
Shoko recovers quickly this time.
“Still insufferable,” She sighs, and you can imagine her shaking her head. “So what now? You like her or something? This is so random.”
“I…I don’t know,” He admits quietly. “I never thought she’d do that, it took me by surprise. I…I think I liked it?”
Your heart shatters. You clutch a hand to your mouth, gagging yourself, forcing back the pained gasp that’s threatening to leave your lips.
“Oh, is that so?” Shoko says drily, but the usual edge to her voice is absent. You can only imagine her expression: contorted with pity and pain, desperately trying to maintain her poker face.
“Yeah,” Gojo reaffirms. “It was nice.”
There’s silence for a few seconds as Shoko takes it all in. Then, “Is she who you’ve always been calling and texting when I’m talking to you? You’re an ass for that, by the way.”
Gojo exhales out a sardonic sniff, “You’re spot on.”
Why are you still listening? You should leave. You shouldn’t be hearing this. Pain blooms in your chest, as if thorns became lodged between your ribs.
“What about (Y/N)?”
You freeze, eyes bulging out of your head.
Gojo sighs, sounding annoyed, “What do you mean?”
“I’m not dumb, Satoru. There was something going on during high school and frankly in the past few years as well. Are you going to deny it?”
He scoffs, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Shoko. It was never like that.”
You feel like you’re going to be sick. You shouldn’t—there’s no possible way you’re actually in love with Gojo Satoru, is there?
Fuck. The thought you’ve been trying to avoid all this time has finally firmly inserted itself into your head.
You take off swiftly and immediately, and your footfalls are as light as you can possibly manage. If either of them knew you were here, you wouldn’t be able to handle the shame.
Gojo and Shoko are none the wiser to the immoral action that took place just beyond the door—so when Shoko is ready to clock out and opens the door, the presence of a school ID on the ground is nearly missed. She feels something strange crunch underneath her foot and steps away and glances at the foreign object.
You left in such a hurry that your ID flopped out of your pocket. It lays on the ground, your smiling face staring up at Shoko, who looks on in horror. She immediately knows that you heard everything. She quickly steps back onto your ID, concealing your identity with her foot.
With all the sight of his six eyes, Gojo somehow completely missed Shoko’s strategic maneuvers to erase traces of your presence. He whistles nonchalantly, not having a care in the world, apparently.
In contrast, Shoko’s mind is racing. Her eyes roam around the courtyard, searching for your form. She feels rooted to the spot—will she reveal you if she steps away? She almost forgets that she’s not alone.
“You looking for someone?” Gojo asks.
Shoko stiffens, but forces herself to relax and appear nonchalant. “Ah, I was just wondering if…if (Y/N) would still be around.”
Gojo frowns. “Hm. Not sure. Don’t they usually go home right after they get off?”
“Lately, they’ve been staying back to do paperwork,” She sighs. “Masamichi has really giving them too many missions…How come you don’t know that?”
“Haven’t had the chance to catch up, I guess,” Gojo says evasively, then quickly changes the subject. “Besides, aren’t you the same way? You coming or not? I’ve got better things to do.”
He waves his cell phone around playfully, a smirk widening across his features.
Shoko rolls her eyes, “Go ahead. I’m just going to wait here a bit and see if I can text them and get them over here.”
She hesitates for a second before adding, “Actually, why don’t you wait a sec? We haven’t all seen each other in a bit.”
Gojo immediately stiffens. He scratches the back of his head and says, “Ah, I’m actually sort of on a time crunch. Maybe next time.”
What a lie. Shoko thinks, eyes narrowing subconsciously. What is he up to?
As he trails off into the distance, the gears in Shoko’s head continue to turn. He always, always teleports home after work finishes. So why is he slowly walking around campus, head turning this way and that way as if searching?
And you! Why were you there? Why were you so affected? What is going on in your head—or rather, your heart?
Something strange is going on with her two friends and Shoko is determined to find out what.
PART II
credit 🩷:
@kiyaedits - baby pink dividers, @sweetxmelody - cherry blossom divider
*note: taglist open!! comment to be tagged in part 2 :)
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#gojo behavior#hurt/comfort#gojo hurt/comfort#angst#jjk#best buddie shoko#sad bc utahime and shoko aren’t together in this one 😤#Gojo is a hater
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nicovid works well platonically but i really like it romantically. taking someone who’s desperate to survive (nico) and pairing them with someone who views his own life as worthless (david) is already an interesting dynamic, but when its paired up with their actual personalities it just adds a layer of bittersweetness to it. nico, someone who’s been tormented their entire life, and david, who’s basked in the attention of everyone around him for years. nico, who was bullied for being themselves, and david, who was praised for being someone else. nico, who’s shy, david, who’s outgoing at first but slowly devolves into someone cynical. i do like their dynamic pre-freakout, its very cute and could lead to nico breaking out of their shell, i find their post-freakout dynamic much more interesting. nico and david both have a common denominator: they did something bad and will most likely be ostracized because of it. seeing as they both know how it feels to be set aside as the odd one out (nico through their bullying, david through never feeling as if his true feelings are enough for others) and they both have similar character relationships. (disdain towards ace, fallen-through friendship with hu). i feel like given david’s clear self-esteem issues, nico’s blunt manner of speech won’t be seen as insulting by david, and that lets them learn how to speak their mind. i see their dynamic as someone who wraps himself in a lie, and one of the only people that can see through him. even during the trial, nico’s one of the three people out of the cast of 13 students attending the second trial that notices david’s bullshitting about killing arei, alongside the protag and the support. idk if this is plot armoring my favs or whatever but i do think that nico can read people well, similarly to the animals they work with (considering their occupation: pet *therapy*) and david’s tendency to lie might not really fool them. they can both depend on each other when they need to, but they also do have their own problems and stuff. their development in canon chapter 3 could be interesting if they do end up talking to each other, especially if nico does end up becoming a chapter three victim. another thing that really intrigues me about them is how they’ve both committed an irredeemable action. david’s trying to get them all killed by pretending to have killed arei after all, and nico tried to kill ace. they’re both one of the “bad people” of the second chapter, and i can heavily emphasize (empathy =/= sympathy by the way.) despite their contrasting personalities and themes. it emphasizes how anyone is capable of doing bad, even someone seemingly kind and timid or someone seemingly well-intentioned. nico really has no room to speak on david’s shortcomings and vice versa, and i doubt that either of them want to. they provide each other with a safe space that neither of them really deserve, but it’s still comfortable to have and they enjoy it. david, although his nihilistic tendencies are on display, probably still can’t help but accommodate for nico if they ever started dating or going out. maybe not immediately after— he’d probably still be cruel, but nico wouldn’t really mind. they both let each other say what they’re thinking freely, without caring much for their words, but one thing leads to another and they cant help but fall in love. they both accommodate for each other. nico tries to help david with his honesty and his feelings, because they can’t control their own feelings OR how honest they are (even if its insulting,) and david takes care of nico when they can’t take care of themselves. gaah i lovw them.
this sounds insane? thats because it is. i dint know what the fuck im takjing about but they make me happy and sad. their entire dynamic can be described as one thing: bittersweet
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One thing that I see O fans say about those who still ship them together is that they’re so hyper-fixated on the nice things he said about her in interviews or insta lives but they don’t know what happened between closed doors. And obviously O says he was somewhat toxic at best. “It’s back and forth did I say something wrong” and “you build me up to watch me fall.” are very telling lyrics. We don’t see it as much with S because they never were costars and didn’t have outlets like interviews to talk about each other, but some of her lyrics allude to this too.
note: this is kind of long and i kind of steer of topic (i agree with u) if any of u hate that i just go from one topic to another and go into details when answering things let me know ill stop.
its same with j fans as a whole and how they see him they always say "but he's always said nice things about both of the girls" or insert him posting dl & skin and obviously o gets brought up more cause they were both on a show together and its easy to ask about his co-star and her music than bring up s. point is like yeah sure he'll publicly say all that but still doesnt make him shit idk he still made a whole ep using O and the drama.
ive seen his fans say S is using the drama for her music after she released the FWD tracks but let me make it clear if any of his fans reading this, her relationship with him isnt "the drama", if she wants to write about how he was to her that was their relationship.
he writes crisis but its okay cause he was "frustrated" and "secret" trying to allude O cheated on him or talked to other people too... like pick a side. he was using the drama the drama was him and O. and he left O and started dating S. so for him to be like well O is using me as a career move and her song wont sound the same when her woe is me stops working. thats using the drama.
S writing about he was to her, treated her, left her thats not "the drama" he did those things. they broke up. that was their relationship not "the drama" cause i swear cause whenever someone brings up S they say "stop bringing up the drama its 2023" like girl.. anyways
ive see j fans say that they broke up when O's debut album was released and thats what S meant in bilab when she sings "we already broken up" but S definitely means January 2021. somewhere #that week.
in February S posted a short part of before i had love and now that the song leaked 2nd verse isnt a love song in the song we can hear birds stop chirping and it all rains when she starts to question everything: "why is it that i would get on a plane just to go grab dinner and stare at your face i just thought of it now cause its starting to rain i remember the days where you didnt say .. (prechorus)" she's basically saying he didn't love her the way she did or never felt the same way she did in the relationship which is also a common theme in the album.
and then March 2021, they both were in nashville and ended up linking up during a tornado warning thats why she wrote that song about it. thats also when she first started therapy for the 1 st time based on lyrics they were broken up that time.
2nd verse "i deserve an hour in a week to focus on my thoughts not so obsessed with yours i cant hear myself speak" S talked about those specific lines saying she basically was giving him so much space in her head, thoughts and energy: "it was just such a real thought at a time in my life, where I felt like I was giving so much of the space in my mind to other people and other things and not myself at all"
i bet he was so draining to deal with. same way she writes about him in decode and never being able to understand him.
i dont know why i ended up analyzing this but just to further stress her storyline the way she tells it just makes sense than whatever j's fans makeup in their heads to make sense of it.
S's lyrics describing him for sure aligns with how O did as well: decode as a whole and an underrated line would be in how many things where she sings "well it hurt you so bad hurting me you really came to me for sympathy"
also the fwd tracks: "tell me I was more than just a decent opportunity or will you tell me anything i wanna hear to control how you're perceived" he was using her thats the hard truth like i cant stress this enough before dl and all of it that whole casts were nobodies, him getting in a relationship with her was the lottery to him like shit hate to say it even O called his ass out:
"show her off like she's a new trophy
and I know if you were true, there's no damn way that you
could fall in love with somebody that quickly"
S was just an opportunity to him even if he meant it or not, he was working on his EP, he wanted to get S on it thats how he met her in the first place like he always wanted something from her.
he's so back and forth and "shippers" and j stans who think he's a saint cause "well he's always been an angel to them publicly need a taste of reality cause his behavior is weird. hope he gets help idk
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3, 4, 11, 16, 18, 20, 23, 24, 26, 46, 56, 73, and 74 for the fic writer ask game? (you don't have to answer all of them these are just the ones i find interesting)
alright alright yes yes
dont worry i love asks
3)Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic.
It depends on the story and what is happening. Usually, i type out a short summary of the whole story, decide where the best places to split it are, and write it in parts. Other times i just wing it and hope it sounds good.
4) Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?
Everywhere. Other fics, poems, songs, phrases, scenes. Even items. I especially love the ones from my dreams. Inspiration is everywhere- you just have to look into the simplest things in a different way than you see them.
11)Link your three favorite fics right now.
Time to expose myself! Also, this is the hardest decision I'll ever make.
I also want to mention a few others if you dont mind
Featherweight- DoctorSiren
Poisoned Rats in a Pot of Grain- TheYesterdayShow
Maybe the World Isn't so Wide- MsDizzyDahlia
16) How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?
Oh. oh no. let me get my google docs and notes app out.
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This one is actually one that I got from a dream.
Cc!Grian goes on a camping trip and hikes up a mountain alone because he can't sleep. He finds a piano that turns out to be magic and he plinks it. It turns him more and more into his character each day. The next day he goes to find it and it's gone. He runs away to try and hide it but his friends file a missing report. They find him a week later alone in a cave. During that time, he get visited by watchers and is shocked bc he made them up but they're real. They try to kill him because him turning is a "glitch" but he gets away.
After they find him, grian refuses to tell them anything. He has to stay home and go to therapy bc man's traumatized. He stays with Timmy.
One night during dinner, his character takes over. Timmy panicks and calls Scott and mumbo over. Grian puffs out his wings and Jimmy realizes what's happening. They're able to calm him down and cc!grian takes back over.
They have to figure out how to save him before it's too late and he turns fully into his character.
Mumbo is doing research and finds smth about it. They have to find a real eye of ender.
They return to the spot where the piano used to be and dig to find the eye. They do, and they save him. But not without a fight first because c!grian is very argumentative.
18)Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?
After. There are exceptions, but almost always after. I think of key words and phrases from (or that describe) the story. Or I just make random stuff up that sounds cool.
20) Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?
Yes. Lots of melodrama, passing out, self-worth problems, and flower husbands.
Joking aside, definitely. I love it when characters pass out on their enemy and get carried. Idk why, its just funny and sets up for a lot of humiliation. I also love not-actually-unrequited-feelings. I'm not sure about what specific words/phrases, but i know that they are definitely there. Themes usually include things like live life to the fullest, appreciate what you have until its too late, and that things are never as they seem.
23) Best writing advice for other writers?
My best writing advice is be you and write what you want to write.
Admittedly, I havent updated my biggest fic i have in over 3 months. It just wasn't fun to write anymore and my motivation went *fart noise*. Yes, okay, I've gotten comments, but I'm also happy and want to write a different ship at the moment. It also helps with the feeling of being obligated to have deadlines and one-up yourself every chapter. Sure, those things are great, but you should enjoy writing and what you produce, not find it annoying and tiring.
There are other things, like grammar, POV, and formatting, but we won't go into those.
24) Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?
OOO YOU'RE ABOUT TO HEAR SOME ABSOLUTE BS
Alright, so, when I first started writing, I watched some youtube vids on stuff like good writing, plot, and stuff like that.
The lady in the video. Ugh. alright, so she ofc was hating on fanfiction, and said "It's always wiser to make your own stories and characters" or something like that. Bish, have you seen the ao3, fanfiction.net, and wattpad community??? She then went on to go and say the opposite of what i said above. That you should always listen to your readers and shiz and that you, the author, should always make them happy even if it hurts.
She also was like "don't use tags like 'yes,' bob growled' because its improper and growling is an act, not a tone of voice." No, it is actually correct writing.
She also was deprecating young authors telling them that they suck.
26) Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?
Uhhh, what's your definition of wild?
A fallen angel spreads its wings, wishing to fly away- storywise can be counted as crack personally. it makes no damn sense anymore.
My superhero AU- this is going to get crazy. you have no idea. the sheer emotions and attachment i have to this one. I will make you cry.
46) How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)
My style is both character driven and emotion driven. I have this weird thing where if I'm writing, I can like, BE the character or smth. I get to know what they would do, think, and feel, and then mix it with some of my own before it gets out of hand. It happens when reading, too.
There is a downside, such as what happens to them physically i can feel, but it makes it easier to drive the story. I give it bulletpoints of what i want to happen, and it will get it there eventually.
(I have a fun story that came with this one time, but I'll tell it at a later date)
56) What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?
Yes yes yes. I pride myself on the sheer amount of ideas I get daily. I get like 2 ideas daily. Yeah, it sucks that I cant write them all, but at least i have a variety. If you ever want a story idea, I have SO MANY
73) What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?
Honestly, I don't know. I feel like that is for you guys to decide.
As a reader, it's easier to pick out things and decide what is different and what is the same. When writing, I criticize myself so much, like "thats basic" or "thats repetitive". Yet people still read it, so I must be doing something right.
74) You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?
My writing style, themes, ships, and overdramatic feelings.
My style is kind of a mix of rambling and story telling. Also the question from earlier about key words, phrases, and stuff like that describes it all. I love amplifying feelings, and of course, making my characters go through hell and then dragging them back out.
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ruby, tiger’s eye, and labradorite! have a lovely day shannon 💕💕
ah jj hello my friend!!! how are you?! i hope you're doing well this fine new year's eve! :) thank you so much for sending these in; i am *very* excited to answer! thank you again and have a great rest of your day! :D
Ruby: Is there any symbolism used in your wip?
YES!! Many times yes! (idk if that's even proper grammar lmao) Symbolism is by far one of my favorite literary devices ever I feel. And, I thoroughly enjoy using it in Landslide more than anything!
The 'wolf' image, both in respect to the image and then to the personality of a wolf I reference a lot especially with Natia. She's described as a 'lone wolf' most of the time and adopts many similar characteristics to this lone wolf image throughout the course of the fic!
Dark themes are always in correlation with dark colors, plus greys and whites and sort of plain colors to represent the 'doom and gloom' of the fic and that reality that I really work with the bring to life! Landslide is my darkest fic to date and discusses a lot of heavy topics so I really made it a goal to keep consistent with that 'dark atmosphere'.
Numb/coldness I feel is one I use, though not as often, to represent Natia's very inherent numbness that she has felt since she lost her parents. I always describe Natia in situations as numb, because of her past and experienced trauma and when that word is used, it is usually meant to convey that connection to her parents and that she's thinking about it (in a way, idk if that makes sense)!
This is more Chekov's guns than symbolism I feel, but she has about three things she always has on her at all times that she's collected (her parent's photo, the poppy cloth and the dove figure from George) and those three things represent very important aspects of her life that though she doesn't say out loud are important, people can tend to guess that they are important. [Family (parent's photo), loyalty (poppy cloth), friendship (George's dove)] - all qualities Natia holds but tends to hide, but uses to her power.
Tiger's Eye: What are the tropes of your main cast?
OH I LOVE THIS QUESTION!!! So, I am a huge sucker for tropes I will admit haha, so I couldn't leave it out!
I use enemies to friends A LOT because Natia can and will fight anyone at first chance. So we have enemies to friends for Lieb and Natia, as well as Speirs and Natia. (Maybe Winters and Natia, but that's more two opposites unwilling to work together but then finding common ground and pushing their differences aside to lead)
Platonic besties is one I just ALWAYS will love so that goes to George and Natia. They also hold the grumpy person (Natia) + sunshine person(George) = best friends trope too haha!
Mysterious, morally grey character you can't figure out without the fully backstory goes to Agent Mortem (as well as Bachrach) I feel. Because sometimes you just need that morally grey dude who loves chess and walks with a cane ya know?
Labradorite: What made you fall in love with your wip? What motivates you to write it?
It is its own sorta thing, ya know? And that goes for everyone's fic or wip, they are their own things and that's what makes it fun. Because no one can tell this story the way you can - you have these ideas and images for your plot and your characters, and you'll tell it how you want. And I think that's really cool. Landslide gives me so many opportunities like that - Natia was a character who I wanted to be complex to write (because it's fun ig lol!); I wanted there to be moments where you liked her, where you weren't a huge fan of something she did, but then you cheered for her, and you could trace that backstory and reasoning for why she did things. I really wanted to tell the story of someone trying to just survive the war - not someone playing hero or even the good guy. Natia's just trying to survive and not do what is 'good' but simply what is 'best'. And I really try to exemplify that throughout the fic!
Motivation comes from myself I feel, especially when I just have so much to say and write on for Landslide. Because I'm writing the story I want to write and one I would want to read. And so, it makes it that much more enjoyable. It constantly pushes me to new lengths and makes me question - what else can I do? What can I do to elevate this fic and make it even more interesting? How can I elevate Natia? What can be added to this backstory? What can be added to this moment to make it even more insane? I just constantly want to hand myself a challenge because I'm never someone to just sit comfortably (and I know now everyone is like that, I'm just speaking in this perspective :)). I really enjoy pushing myself and getting outside that comfort zone to see what else I can do, and Landslide is one of those outlets for letting me do that!
Thank you so much for the ask JJ!! This was so much fun and I feel these questions really made me thing and give some thought to the importance of writing and even more importantly, writing what you want and what you enjoy! :) Thanks again and have a great day! :D
[ ask game ]
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I love your NSR\Pokemon Mystery Dungeon crossover! Just out of curiosity, what ‘mons would the other artists be? I was thinking Cosmoem or Minior for DJSS and Primarina for Sayu, but I dunno about the others.
Thank you, I’m happy that you liked it anon! 😚
And I’m glad you asked because I actually already have ideas for what the other artists could be (and will be very happy to draw them if other people want me to 😉)
I’ll list everything under a readmore since this is gonna get very rambly. Anyone’s welcome to give their thoughts and ideas in the replies too.
DJSS
There aren’t that many space-themed pokemon so narrowing down some fitting choices for him is hard but my first choice for him would be Deoxys, specifically the defense form since it’s more similar to DJ’s silhouette. They both can change their shape to some degree, they both have spaghetti arms, and they both have an orb as part of their designs, the only difference being DJ’s orb being his head and Deoxy’s orb in its chest actually being its brain. But if you don’t like the idea of him being a mythical pokemon then minior is a good option for him too, and a hilarious one because DJ is supposed to be a huge and hefty guy and then you got minior who is tiny. Aesthetically, Cosmoem would’ve been a good choice for him, but idk how I feel about assigning him a pokemon that’s literally described to be a lifeless cacoon.
Sayu
If we were to consider Sayu’s form changes, I would actually make her the entire Popplio line; Popplio being the 1st standard form, Brionne being the 2nd, and Primarina being the 3rd. I’ve also thought about what team Sayu could be too; Tila being Jigglypuff, Remi being Smeargle, Dodo being a Kirlia, and Sofa maybe being a Porygon or a Porygon2. In the PMD world, Sayu could be an illusion brought to life thanks to the efforts of Dodo’s psychic abilities and the like.
DK West
If Zuke is a Treecko/Grovyle, then by default DK West would be Grovyle/Sceptile. The reason I picked the Treecko line for Zuke is because of the chill vibes the entire line gives off, and West is pretty chill too in his own way. Otherwise, he could be something like a Gengar for its ability to manipulate shadows and a tendency to mess with others (i.e. Zuke)
Yinu and Mama
It’s pretty obvious that they’ll be a Budew and a Roserade because of the rose motif, although I think Yinu could work as a Roselia too. I think it could work for her character as a prodigy for a young child like her to have already evolved.
1010 and Neon J
I could be predictable and make 1010 the eeveelutions; Red/Zimelu = Flareon, Blue/Purl-Hew = Vaporeon, Yellow/Haym = Jolteon, Green/Eloni = Leafeon, White/Rin = Glaceon or Sylveon, but I also like the idea of making 1010 Pawniards and Neon J a Bisharp because all of Bisharp’s pokedex entries talk about how it commands its own troop of Pawniard. Plus Pawniard and Bisharp are all part steel type which works with their robot/cyborg aesthetic well
With that said, I don’t not like the idea of making 1010 the eeveelutions. After all, what the two groups have in common is that while they’re both widely beloved they are also incredibly overrated. It just leaves the question of what Neon J could be because so far my other best pick for him would be Xurkitree, because both of them have a passion for dance apparently. And idk about you but there’s something very endearing about an extraterrestrial lifeform and a bunch of dogs adopting each other as a family unit. Sometimes a family can be some sentient cables and their five dogs.
EDIT: FALINKS! Falinks is also a good choice for 1010 and NJ! Can’t believe I forgot about them they were so obvious 🤦♀️
EDIT 2: A friend from a discord server I’m in also suggested Silvally for Neon J for the eeveelution 1010s. Silvally Neon J can change his type to reflect the boys’ much like how he can use them as weapons in the final phase of 1010′s fight
Eve
It’s either Gardevoir or Medicham. Gardevoir can distort dimensions and its design suits Eve’s diva aesthetic well. But if Gardevoir’s too predictable of a choice, I also suggest Medicham because they both have a similar colour scheme (white and magenta) and Medicham’s mega evolution sprouts another pair of hands like how Eve can.
Tatiana
I want Tatiana to be some kind of legendary, preferably a fire type. Dialga sounds fitting because both of them have time control abilities, but then I saw someone suggest Groudon for Tatiana too which I also really like the idea of. Some less powerful and non-deity-like options I’ve considered are Entei and Moltres, both kantonian and galarian, though I think galarian Moltres matches Tatiana's intimidating stature more. I had also considered Arcanine for her too, even though it’s not a legendary pokemon in a true sense it is classified as ‘the legendary pokemon.’
BONUS
Kliff
I really like the idea of Kliff being a Rotom for his gift at hacking into machines and being tech savy.
Ellie the Alligator
A Totodile. They both almost look alike. She could be Team B2J’s third member
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don't remember who i got the questions from but here: stuff about me
1. Name
Callen
2. Nationality
American and Cuban!
3. Age
Minor :)
4. Birthday
August 7
5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)
Leo
6. Gender
Androgynous and genderqueer!
7. Sexuality
pan romantic, aromantic and asexual
8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)
I dont wannna share a picture so i'll just describe myself. I have short brown curly hair, about the length of a bob. big brows eyes and somewhat long lashes. I have tons of freckles that cover my whole body, most common on my face. I have a 'princess nose'
9. What do you/did you study?
I wanna get a major in Business and two minors in literature and sexuality/gender studies.
10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have?
I wanna work at a library and/or Starbucks ;-; (but I want good pay)
11. Your birth order
I'm the middle-ish child
12. How many siblings do you have?
1 biological, 3 step.
13. Do you have good relations with your family?
My bio dad I do, but not my step dad and bio mom. Siblings are ehh-
14. How many friends do you have?
A lot of acquaintances, but only a few I consider an actual friend.
15. Your relationship status
lots of platonic crushes
16. What do you look for in a SO?
.. i don't think i want one tbh
17. Do you have a crush?
Nope. but plenty of people are hot
18. When did you have your first kiss?
Haven't kissed anyone yet and thats my biggest flex
19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?
QPR (queer platontic relationship)
20. What are your deal breakers?
- not caring enough to give a fuck about me
- breaking my trust
21. How was your day?
okay. I had a bad weekend though bc of my mom
22. Favourite food & drink
Black olives and water
23. What position do you sleep in?
on my side or a mix between side/back
24. What was your last dream about?
a platonic crush
25. Your fears
falling in love, being a disappointment, getting refused, etc
26. Your dreams
writer, singer, play instruments. book writer, activist
27. Your goals
good job and income.
28. Any pets?
2, cat named mickey and dog named phoenix
29. What are your hobbies?
draw, read, write, anime, kdramas. poerty
30. Any cool places in your area?
eh, a forest but im not allowed to go
31. What was your last awkward situation?
yesterday when i left school bc i walked by my platonic crush who i gave a thanks you letter
32. What is your last regret?
hm. not being true to myself and my feelings
33. Language/s you can speak
english, two words in spanish
34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)
kinda but its cool
35. Have any quirks?
no- *cue bnha theme*
36. Your pet peeves
chewing w/ mouth open, very loud and annoying.
37. Ideal vacation
away from my home and florida. somewhere snowy and cold
38. Any scars?
yep, from burns and my cat
39. What does your last text message say?
"im back for real now
40. Last 5 things from your search history
momio and tumblr
41. What's your [device] background?
m nothing
42. What do you daydream about?
cats
43. Describe your dream home
a cottage in the woods or a loft apartment above my bookstore
44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion
im still figuring it out but i was raised christian
45. Your personality type
extroverted introvert. a 2 and 4 in ennegram and a ENFP-T
46. The most dangerous thing you've done
hm idk
47. Are you happy with your current life?
no
48. Some things you've tried in your life
-strange foods
49. What does your wardrobe consist of?
sweaters and baggy jeans
50. Favourite colour to wear?
black or goblin-ly colors
51. How would you describe your style?
goblin and a little alt
52. Are you happy with your current looks?
i wish i could change my hair but yea
53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?
hair and piercing
54. Any tattoos or piercings?
no
55. Do you get complimented often?
eh kinda
56. Favourite aesthetic?
voidpunk and goblincore
57. A popular trend that you dislike
-the devious lick shit is stupid
58. Songs you're currently obsessed with?
mitski and tally hall
59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like.
boyfriend by justin bieber
60. Favourite genre?
indie, punk, folk and ukulele
61. Favourite artist/band/genre?
chloe moriondo, mitski, tally hall
62. Hated popular songs/artists?
pop people ex. ed sheeran
63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5
hamilton stuff, gay songs, etc
64. Can you sing or play any instruments?
learning ukulele and piano
65. Do you like karaoke?
eh
66. Own any albums?
no :(
67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?
-the basic ones
68. Favourite movie/series?
hungergames and anime
69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc
fantasy and fiction
70. Your fictional crush/es
dont have any
71. Which fictional character is you?
idk
72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so
yeah but too lazy to list them
73. Favourite greek god?
achilles
74. A legend from where you live that you like
i don't know any
75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist?
yep, don't know any
76. Can you share your other social media?
don't have any besides tumblr
77. Favourite youtubers?
drawfee, hannahleeduggan, lavender towne
78. Favourite platform?
tumblr?
79. How much time do you spend on the internet?
eh whenever i want/can
80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite?
destiny 1+2, minecraft, metro, shadow of mordor. destiny 2
81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)
to much to count. warriors, wings of fire, a court of thorns and roses.
82. Do you play board/card games?
nothing besides uno
83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?
nooooo :(
84. Favourite holiday
christmas bc cold
85. Are you into dramas?
-yeah
86. Would you use death note, if you had one?
i'd say i would but wouldn't
87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?
get rid of hate and stereotypes etc
88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?
eh prob not
89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?
a cat?
90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?
be buried with the trees
91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?
anything but my birthname
92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?
a androgynous hot person
93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo
le lenny face
94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true
a. i want snakes, cats, and reptiles
b.i have 4 siblings
c. i want to live van life
-
95. Cold or hot?
coldcoldcold
96. Be a hero or be a villain?
hot saxy villian
97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?
sing
98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?
shapeshifting
99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?
immortal
100. ..... or .....?
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toffee!
hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)
YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults
ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)
hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)
> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy
back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious
no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.
yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)
YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.
hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!
hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?
wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?
no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying
<3 w.a. 🐺
sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;
yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.
i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone.
dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.
abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.
anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://
HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*
i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.
i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.
it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.
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In celebration of the 10th anniversary, I’ll probably reread GG and send updates/highlight areas and as for commentary. Probably XD
But first. What aspect of Gilded Green was your favorite? What was something you put in a lot of world building for but never got to show either in fic or on tumblr. Who is your favorite character and why, what makes them special in your eyes? Which character has turned into a completely different one as soon as you started writing them? Which part of the fic did you like most when you finished it, do you still like it? Similarly, which part do you dislike most?
Lasty, anything about gg2’s story you want to share/talk about/rant?
-love, the dai li fangirl
Haha, no pressure! But at the same time yes if you do feel free to send me passages for commentary here! <3
What aspect was my favorite? Hmmm. *thinking face* I think, when I first came up with it, I was just thrilled to have these two small things - minor character Lu Ten, overlooked villain organization Dai Li - that I was able to combine into something so big. That was pretty nifty!
As I started developing the story, I think what really caught my attention was the fact that “Wow, all these characters are awful people!” Like. The Dai Li aren’t good.The Fire Nation aren’t good. Lu Ten is a victim but also an oppressor. All off these people have extremely different beliefs and worldviews - Fire supremacist, police state enforcers, classist academic gatekeepers - and all of them think THEY’RE in the right here and none of them are. I think Tien and Hoang might be the only people with a decent, non-oppressive worldview in the story so far. XD I was growing out of the storytelling trope of black-and-white morality at the time, so it was really fun to start experimenting with writing awful people as enjoyable, sympathetic characters.
World building? Hmm. I was just learning how to use my worldbuilding muscles back then. I seem to remember reading up a lot on how brainwashing actually works in the real world and going “I don’t think this is compatible with what we have in ATLA” and just kinda tossing that whole thing out. XD I also recall looking up a lot of stuff for the bits about Jouin, some of which - kalua pig! - has since shown up again in WFFD. I also recall someone on FFdotnet at the time saying “All this chapter did was tell us more about a dead character than the living one” and I was just kinda like -_- yes because he is DEAD and this is your chance to feel sorry about that, we’ll get plenty more of the living one later on account of him still being, y’know, alive. XD
Oh, and Shirong’s personal side projects. I finally got into that a bit in A Meeting of Minds, but the dude DOES have his own stuff going on, which Delun so rudely interrupted to drag him off to see Long Feng about brainwashing a Firebender.
I also did a bunch of research for the birthday party interlude, I think. Mostly appropriate alcohol for such an occasion? And....okay, this’ll sound funny, but.....food containers. I wanted Fen to pack up leftovers for Suyin and Shirong. That’s what my Italian family does after get-togethers, and I assumed that a Chinese family/friend group would do the same! But I also had, like, zero exposure to everyday Chinese life, let alone everyday Chinese life in the 1800s, and I just didn’t have the...idk, cultural osmosis? to figure it out. Like, if you asked me how Victorians would transfer food I’d probably come up with “Idk, wrap it in cloth and stuff it in a basket?” and I assumed people living in modern China would also be able to explain what their people did for food storage/transport 150 years ago but I didn’t have that cultural background, now, did I??? Also this was 10-12 years ago I was looking this up, mind you, the internet was still very different, there was plenty of information on Chinese historical events but not on everyday life objects, CDramas weren’t easy to find if they were translated at all and I certainly didn’t know they existed, and no one was posting beautiful aesthetic videos of life in a rural Chinese mountain village to youtube yet. Eventually I learned that bamboo baskets were a thing, but there wasn’t much info on THOSE either and I wasn’t sure how to describe them, so I just tentatively typed “basket” and called it a day. XD
YOU CANNOT ASK ME TO CHOOSE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER THAT’S LIKE ASKING ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MY CHILDREN!!! *shoves Yong off a cliff*
I’m very fond of the Dai family, along with the Trungs and Sais. I’m very proud of how Tuan turned out. I adore Yuan, who you’ve barely met, and Xun, who you haven’t. Huang and Wu Sheng are also definite faves and I can’t wait for y’all to get to know them better.
Characters do usually behave for me in terms of personality development. They surprise me, but they never really turn out to be the complete OPPOSITE of what I was expecting? They just kinda develop organically. Huang and Wu Sheng surprised me, tho, those boys got deep. I knew they had the potential, but developing their backstory actually caused Stingrae and I to develop Ba Sing Se’s socio-political backstory and Long Feng’s rise to power, all because of an inkling I had. That was a very satisfying few years of worldbuilding and story development.
Um, favorite part of the fic....idk, I’m very fond of the final scene, with Azula and her wall chunk from Lu Ten. I’m doubly fond of it because of how it always resonates with readers. Heck, during Azula week last year, I used that chunk of rock as an ongoing theme in Sandstone, and someone commented like “I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WROTE GILDED GREEN” and that made me really happy!
Lu Ten’s time stuck underground - I used the seven stages of grief to get through that one and it was very helpful in structuring that part of the story, and I figured it was deep or something because PSYCHOLOGY.
I’m also proud of myself for getting through the dark brainwashing scenes. So, like, FYI, fanfiction could get...very dark, back in the 00s. People love to play purity police these days and complain about how nasty people get can, but listen. Listen. Do you have any idea how dark FFdotnet got back in the day? Legolas And Aragorn Get Captured By Orcs And Brutally Tortured was an entire genre. I feel like torture fic was actually a lot more common back then, and darkfic in general - I’m sure someone could write a whole thesis on why it’s not so prevalent anymore, I’m gonna guess the fact that fandom is less-insulated and more public now could be part of it, maybe also the fact that the internet is more social media/influencer culture based so people care about their image, and also the purity police which is its own kettle of worms, but I also think that the Bush Administration had something to do with it? You have all these kids who were pre-teens when 9/11 happened, growing up during the Iraq War with an awful presidential administration while everyone was scared and conservative Christianity started to realize that their control over the nation’s “morality” might be slipping and reacted accordingly......yeah there was a lot of darkfic back then.
And I read a lot of darkfic too, but, uh....well, statistically speaking, a lot of writing is bad, okay? A lot of those fics were just weird; you could see where the writer had this idea, and also where they failed to execute it in a way that resonated or made sense. And whatever, writers were young and just wanted to pound out some catharsis, it’s cool, but it still just felt narratively awkward when you could tell how the writer was more focused on LET’S MAKE THIS AS DARK AS POSSIBLE instead of “Let’s tell this as well as possible.”
So the first several attempts at writing the brainwashing scenes, I was nervous because I didn’t want to get TOO dark, and when I finally decided “eff it” and said to Stingrae “I think I need to let this be as dark as it needs to be” I was still nervous because I didn’t want it to end up WEIRD. Idk if that makes sense, but anyway I seem to have done a decent job at it!
As for parts I dislike the most, uhhhhh Iroh’s retreat (I didn’t care, I just wanted to get it over with), Enlai might’ve been promoted too fast? idk, the fact that I came up with Nanyue AFTER I finished publishing GG so I couldn’t work that into the Quy bits, the fact that I was young and innocent and didn’t understand sexual slang or innuendo and randomly chose Dong as the name of the court physician which could lead to some awful puns except no one ever seemed to pick up on that and maybe I’ll regret pointing it out but the man IS going to appear again so I might as well get the first shot in myself. XD
I might have GG2 stuff to talk about but not sure, if I do I’ll make another post on that!
<3
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So I’m writing a short story in my Changelings ‘verse for a galaxy brain commission that was simply “Boyd gets a boyfriend.” Nothing wrong there. But it does mean I feel like I finally gotta nail down the full intricacies of Boyd’s magic, which is unnecessarily....extra, due to the existence of the Curse of the Specialist Snowflake that afflicts me.
Like, I couldn’t just give him one physical change and one magic like most other Changelings, nooooooo, he’s gotta be the Zodiac Kid and have twelve completely different changes and magics, one for each sign and he changes throughout the year in accordance to the changing of the signs. Why’d I do it that way? Cuz I gotta, obviously. Hahahaha, shut up, me.
I mean, there was a point to it originally, like, his sister Alicia’s Change and magic is that she’s surrounded by ghostly versions of a bunch of her alternate universe selves at any given moment, and she can communicate with them and call upon their skills and is sometimes called Sibyl around town, so like, the common thread/theme of her and Boyd’s magic is like, an infinity of self, but also, by “there was a point to it originally” I also just mean I couldn’t settle on and pick what I wanted Boyd’s magic to be so I was like here’s a fun thing I could do, make up a reason for him to have even MORE options.
.....I feel like, potentially, this self-created problem I’m having could have been avoided somehow, but gosh, fuck if I can see how.
So most of Boyd’s magic is hammered down....
In his Sagittarius phase, he’s physically a centaur whose lower half looks like a night sky studded through with starfields and moving constellations, and his magic from November 23rd to December 21st is uncanny intuition, a kind of off-the-top-of-his-head divination. He just instinctively knows the answers to questions when he’s in his Sagittarius phase, the more specific the question the more accurate his answer. He doesn’t have context, he doesn’t KNOW how he knows the things that he knows, he just knows them.
You ask him if you’ll meet someone who could very plausibly be the love of your life within the next week, and if he says yes, its absolutely, one hundred percent true and accurate.....but if you ask him then how can I find them, he might say well first thing you gotta do is get out of my face and stop bugging me, and then walk down the street and turn left.....and that too, would be absolutely true and accurately point you in the direction that answers your question but like, that’s all he’s got and you’re missing a few steps at that point. So. Its not an exact science or anything.
There’s definitely tricks to maximizing the intel you get out of him when he feels like being hit up for intel and doesn’t just string you along to be a total troll. Which he is. Hence why he also spends most of December filling in all of Alicia’s large stockpile of crosswords and sudokus, as he just instinctively and whimsically knows what to fill in even if he doesn’t actually have a clue WHY the Mesozoic Era is the answer to 49 Down. Alicia maintains this is cheating. He maintains he doesn’t care, and answers 64 across with “Johannesburg.” Fuck if he knows why.
In his Capricorn phase, he sublets his apartment in Bordertown and takes a month lease on a place underwater in Sub Francisco.....as for this period he’s more of a classical merman, but also if a classical merman has goat horns. But like, whose to say they don’t? Have you ever met one? Thought so. His magic during this period is horns of plenty.....he touches something to one of his horns, and comes away holding two of that item. So it basically only works on things that can be hand-held, but other than that it could be food, physical items, medicine, etc.
In his Aquarius phase, he’s physically the same as he was when a normal mainstream human....except that his skin has a faintly translucent quality as if that of water, with faint stars spiraling in distant patterns in the depths of his slightly watery form. He’s not invisible or actually translucent, like you can’t see through him or even see his organs or anything....rather, its more like most of the time he just looks like normal, human Boyd, albeit wearing a lot of glitter for some reason....but then he turns and catches the light just so, and for a moment you can see how the light is shining THROUGH him similar to the way it shines through the surface of a body of water. His magic in this phase is based on Ganymede, the cup-bearer of the gods.....water he touches becomes imbued with healing properties.
Like, he unscrews an ordinary bottle of Evian and reaches in with the tip of his finger, and whammo, you’ve got a healing potion whose magic will last until the last of the water is gone, even if its not used until after his Aquarius phase. Once he’s imbued a source of water with his magic, its a healing potion from then on out, which makes his shop a useful place to find healing magic year-round.....or at least until he runs out. You come into his shop even in late July, if he’s still got some healing potions lying around they’re as good as ever....but if he’s already out of stock, you’re out of luck until next year’s Aquarius phase rolls around, and you gotta go look elsewhere on Mercy Row for a healer in the meanwhile.
In his Pisces phase, he goes back to his Sub Francisco apartment as his physical Change here is that of a centaur-triton....kinda the classic ithyocentaur, but also he’s got kinda webbed-like wings spanning from his back.....its a whole thing. But a good look. His magic in this phase is ‘the perfect pair’....he cups his hands and forms a magical, elemental construct in the shape of a koi fish that’ll swim off in the direction of the perfect complement to something or someone. Like a personal, magical compass guiding him or whomever he makes one for to like, the magnetic north that exists somewhere as the perfect counterpart to an already present south pole. Whatever, this makes no sense and is super confusing, I get that. But it makes perfect sense and is not confusing in my head. Still just working on translating from point Head to point Paper without the concept getting lost in the translation.
In his Aries phase, he’s his ‘normal’ mainstream-appearing base form....but also he’s got golden wings and ram horns. And his magic is that he breathes fire. But its magic fire, and it doesn’t burn things it touches, it turns them to gold. Its a whole Golden Fleece thing mixed with a King Midas thing.
In his Taurus phase.....idk yet. I mean, bull horns seems a pretty obvious go-to motif, but haven’t decided for his magic yet. Mostly because @sunwukxng is a Taurus and he takes things like this juuuuuuuust personal enough that I know if I don’t come up with something good here he’ll decide its a mortal insult towards all Tauri and thus him as well, and he’ll declare a blood feud against me that shall last five hundred years. And he’s already got like, six of those in progress, so....trying to avoid racking up anymore.
In his Gemini phase, he splits into two selves, his physical self and astral self, so he’s basically followed everywhere by both his shadow and a spirit version of himself he can astral project elsewhere. And when his astral self goes through something, kinda like how there’s that idea that when a ghost passes through someone they feel a chill or as if they almost left their body for a second.....his astral self can kinda like....yoink other peoples’ astral selves out of their physical forms temporarily. Yoink is of course the highly technical, scientific term for the phenomenon. Obviously.
In his Cancer phase.....idk yet. Look, its hard to be classy and deep concept-y about crabs, okay? I’m sorry Cancers, but even in the original myths about the constellation the gods were like yeah, this crab constellation was a mistake, we just felt bad about Artemis kicking that one all the way up into the heavens after it pinched Orion, the only himbo she ever almost made a boytoy out of. A lot of other Zodiacs featured animals that had the common perception of being viewed as pushing the sun across the sky, so there’s maybe something there in that direction....idk yet.
In his Leo phase, Boyd mostly appears as his ‘normal’ base mainstream-human looking self....except he’s big in a way that is not exactly Giant Big (and there are a good couple dozen giant-sized Changelings living in Bordertown, so like, he isn’t officially anywhere near that) but he is possessed of a height and size that are nevertheless best described as Ridiculous. Like he’s bigger than the Strange Angel, but not as big as Teddy the Sun-snake. That means nothing to anyone but me. Whatever. Moving on. Anyway, in his Leo phase he also has a fiery red mane kinda....that’s threaded through with silver stars in the Leo constellation shape. His magic in this phase is his ‘roar of command’....basically, he can imbue anything he says with the force of his will, and thus like.....make inanimate objects do what he tells them. He’s like “Open sesame” and a locked door is like you got it, boss.
In his Virgo phase.....I am not entirely sure what he looks like yet. I’m pretty sure its mostly his mainstream-looking ‘base self’ but like.....with an unnatural charisma, but also something a little less generic than that. Needs a specific hook still, beyond just “I’m ridick pretty.” Like, he’s Sinqua Walls. He’s always ridick pretty. Its a thing. But his magic in this phase is like.....an aura of inspiration. He just sorta puts out a vibe that inspires people around him in various ways that are unique to the individual.
He’s also way shorter than he used to be even before his Change hit, or like, shorter than he is in any of his other phases. Like, we’re talking five and a half feet max. Is there any reason for this whatsoever beyond me being amused at the juxtaposition of him going from his Biggest and Most Ridiculous Phase immediately to his Smallest and Most Ridiculous Phase? No. No there is not. Fear the deep profundity of my creative process, for it is deep and it tis profound.
In his Libra phase....I’m not sure yet what his physical change is, but I do know his skin has a scaled texture, and I know those aren’t the scales normally associated with Libra but there’s a point to it, its just......missing some ingredients still to totally make sense. But he also tends to wear a blindfold a lot of the time during his Libra phase because I know his magic here has to do with viewing things in terms of overlapping possibilities and potentialities, like, he looks at things and sees not just the way they ARE but also a whole bunch of different ways they COULD be, and his magic enables him to kinda tweak things from the way they are more towards one of those other possibilities, in a sense that’s all about ‘balancing’ things.
However, the sensory stimuli of all those potentialities 24/7 is honestly overwhelming and gives him serious migraines, so he mostly tries to rest his eyes behind some kind of blindfold most of the time and just take it off to focus on specific things in order to utilize his magic, and only a little at a time. This is probably the most technically ‘powerful’ of his magics in terms of both versatility and scope, but it takes a toll and he really tries to pace himself during his Libra phase or it just gets to be too much, really fast.
And then lastly, in his Scorpio phase, he’s got a whole scorpion tail and barbed stingers along the outsides of his arms.....but rather than lean into the whole ‘eww Scorpios are duplicitous and manipulative’ and also ‘eww scorpions,’ his magic here calls back to how scorpions are actually protective guardians in a lot of mythologies and folklore, and there’s also plenty of Zodiac lore about the idea of the Scorpio sign being all about uncovering truths at any cost, etc. So his magic here is another ‘liquid/mutable’ type and takes the form of venom from his stingers that’s almost like drops of amber.....and that have various properties aimed at uncovering truths and exposing lies and falsehoods. Like, elixirs made during his Scorpio phase are another highly sought ware at his shop, because depending on the venom concentration he places in each, they have different properties. Like, he’s got vials where just a drop placed in your drink or on your food will reveal if its been drugged or poisoned, or vials of elixirs that basically act as magical truth serum.....and then other vials where like, you splash a little of it on something you suspect to be an illusion or a magical disguise of some kind, and it’ll dispel the false magic and reveal what’s truly there.
“What happens if like, I splash it in the face of someone I think is wearing an illusion disguise and it turns out they’re not and that’s really just what they look like?” A customer asks.
Boyd shrugs. “Then they’ll just be wet. And probably a little pissed, I imagine. That’ll be $49.95 please.”
“I thought you said it was $29.95!”
“That was before the Asked Stupid Questions tax was applied,” Boyd smiles placidly. “Will that be cash or credit?”
Okay. So. Typing that all out cleared up some of that for me but not quite as much as I was hoping as Cancer and Taurus apparently still persist in Vexing me.
Hmmmm.
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Survey #314
“as above, so below / what you reap is what you sow / what you give comes back threefold / as above, so below”
What do you do for work? I'm currently unemployed. I only get paid now and again to do pictures for people.
What would you ideally like to do for work? I'd love if I could just be a photographer.
What are you doing in order to achieve this? Practice and shoving my extreme discomfort about it aside and trying to promote myself where possible and not in an overbearing manner.
What do you think is the worst being on the planet? "Rapists, pedophiles, abusive people in general." <<<< This. Anyone who disrespects the existence of other and equal people.
Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for? No.
How big an age gap is between you and your siblings? My immediate sisters and I are two years apart. My half-siblings, I don't know. I don't have their ages memorized, but I do know 5+ years, some even 10.
Do/did your siblings cause trouble? Not really, we were good kids.
What's your dream vehicle? I don't really have one.
Are you good at taking care of your finances? What finances? And I don't mean that happily.
What's your favorite comic strip? I don't have one.
How many people have you texted today? Zero.
Someone cheats. Second chance? Nope, byyyyeeeee.
Thoughts on kids? Clay that I'm not playing with.
Are you a risk taker? No.
What are you listening to? I'm currently going through a phase of playing The Evil Within 2's theme nonstop, jc.
Is/Was your high schools dress code strict? Not like, mega strict, but it still was overboard. No spaghetti strap shirts, and I even once got in trouble for wearing a floral mesh shirt, despite having a normal tanktop underneath it. It was weird, like no one had ever had a problem with it before, it was just this one teacher that I passed in the hall.
Who was the last person to request you on a social media network - and did you accept? Someone I didn't know, so obviously not.
Who was the last person’s vehicle that you rode in? Mom's.
Who was the last person to make you laugh or smile, and why? Another current obsession of mine: John Wolfe, another let's player who I think is super funny. He said something that made me snicker before I turned on music and started this.
Who was the last person that you took a photo with? My half-sister while she was visiting.
Who was the last person to pay you a compliment, and what did they say? In group therapy the other day, one of the other women told me that even if I don't believe it, I bring so much positivity to group and she was really happy to be there while I am. I was so so super flustered but flattered, too.
Who’s the last person that you visited in the hospital? My mom, following her surgery.
Who is the last person that you lent money to? Actually today to Mom.
What was the last food that you ate? I warmed up a burger for dinner.
What did the last pair of footwear that you wore look like? They're just black flipflops.
What was the last kind of bread that you ate? Just plain white bread.
What was the last app that you downloaded to your phone? Oh wow, I never do this. I want to say it was a game for my niece.
When was your last work shift? I haven't worked in a long time, so idk.
When is the last time that you had trouble falling asleep? This is literally every single night.
When was the last time you saw a significant other? I ain't got one'a those.
When’s the last time that you took a risk? What was the risk? Well, I did say I'm not a risk-taker...
Where was the last place that you went on vacation to? You know, how long does it have to be to be considered a "vacation?" I would say not since I went to the beach with an old friend, but it was literally a day.
Where was the last place you got lost? uhhhhhhh
Why did your last relationship fail? We need to work on ourselves before we could properly support each other and stay in a healthy mindset.
Why did you leave your last job? I couldn't handle the stress of serving people and having so many responsibilities at once.
How long has it been since you last visited a doctor? How about a dentist? I literally went to the doctor today because I had a follow-up appointment about my weight gain again. I haven't been to the dentist in a few months; I had a normal cleaning my last visit.
How big was the last fish you caught? Oh boy, this is stretching years back. It was probably something small, idr at all.
Give me the first initial of your last name? D.
Something in your home that’s on its last leg(s)? We just moved here, so nothing that's a part of the house itself. As far as items we actually own, idk.
Where do you purchase most of your clothes? I haven't gotten new clothes in so long, idk. I would probably say Hot Topic.
Describe your skincare routine. I don't have one, if I'm being honest. I just shower.
What’s your typical morning routine look like? I don't have one of those, either. The only thing that's consistent is going to the bathroom, eating, and taking my meds. Even brushing my teeth, the time of day when I do that (if I'm not leaving the house) varies. Then it's time to just binge stuff on YouTube and do whatever on the laptop...
Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I've never played it, actually.
How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It's caused a lot of stress worrying about my mom falling ill, given her being immunocompromised. It's also held me back from searching for another job (even though I don't know what I'd go for, anyway...), because I absolutely refuse to risk bringing Covid into this house by leaving it daily or whatever.
What is your main source of anxiety? Being mentally ill, really. It just affects a lot.
Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? Not very recently, no.
What kind of games do you play on your phone? Just Pokemon GO nowadays.
Do you have a specific aesthetic? It varies. I love dark, gothic, and gory stuff, but then I also love everything pink and pastel?????? Pastel gore is especially where it's at.
Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not.
What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never even tried it before.
What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't wear nearly enough makeup to be even remotely familiar with any.
What’s your all-time favorite movie? It'll probably always be The Lion King.
Do you have any subscription boxes? No, but they're cool.
What fictional creature would you like as a pet? On deviantART today I actually discovered a fantastic artist who does a lot of HTTYD fanart, and I would say as a dragon lover, Toothless would be soooo great.
Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? I'm certain tons have closed, but none come to mind.
How do you feel about TikTok? I don't feel anything about it.
Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? Haha I've had like... two or three at different stages in my life.
What were you doing at 9 o'clock this morning? That's actually when (virtual) group therapy starts.
Are you wearing any jewelry? Yeah; my piercings (if you count them) and then two rings that I always have on.
Are you good at hiding disappointment? No. I'm bad at hiding my emotions because they're so strong.
What happened the last time you cried? lmaooo I was finishing watching a The Evil Within 2 LP yesterday, and like, the last hour or so of the game just rips me apart. I was hoping so bad that my mom didn't pass by and ask what the problem was.
What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? Both would be stunned to know the situation I had with Joel/my former best friend's boyfriend when I was around 12.
What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? dARKIPLIER
Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? When all things are considered, like laws, seeing family, etc., somewhere in Canada, or maybe Alaska. Actually, Alaska would be really cool.
What after school activities did you do in high school? I didn't have any, if you mean like, school sports and clubs. I did do dance once or twice a week, but it wasn't tied to my school.
What’s the last book you really loved? I positively adored The Handmaid's Tale.
If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? My writing was seen as very exceptional for my age as a kid, but it still would've been awesome if it was even better.
If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Uhhh I guess ketchup. I use that the most of all options.
What is the scariest experience you have ever had? The night of the breakup. It was such an impossible concept to me that I genuinely thought my life was over, that I'd pull the plug at any moment.
Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? Oh, hunny, Markiplier lmao. Call it a bias all ya want, but he's just a genuinely incredible person that cares so much for everyone and is so serious about equality and just being a good person.
Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? It's very hypocritical of me to say, but yes, regardless.
Do you own plants? If so, what kind of plants? If not, would you like to grow any? I've never been into growing plants, honestly.
Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No, not really.
When was the last time that you acted impulsively? Is this a common behavior for you? I dunno, I've gotten better at this. I probably said something I shouldn't have.
If you received an allowance as a kid, what kinds of things would you buy with it? Were you more the type to save up for something big, or spend it on little things? I didn't get one.
When you cuddle with someone, how do you prefer to position yourself? Would you rather be held, or do the holding? Or both? Are we sitting or lying down? Either way I think I have a tendency to lay my head on their chest while hugging them, and my legs generally curl up. If I'm upset, I definitely feel better and just a greater sense of safety if I'm the one being held, but if the roles are swapped, then I like to be the one doing the holding because I know that's what I want when I'm upset, so treat others how you wanna be treated, y'know.
When you woke up today, did you find unread messages from anyone? No.
Have you recently told anyone that you miss them? Yes.
Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Mom asked if I wanted to come with her to Ashley's a few days ago, but I said no. I wasn't in a social mood at all.
Is there anyone you interact with every day on social media? No.
What was the main character's name in the last fictional book you read? Sunny.
Have you ever been rejected by a church? No.
Is your family nice to you? Yeah.
Are you comfortable with your gender? Yeah.
What was your favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley film? I don't remember; we had a couple, though.
What was your favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders.
What was your favorite Nickelodeon show? ngl, I don't remember a lot of them and don't feel like looking up a list.
Do you still live in the house you grew up in? No.
Which Spice Girl was your favorite? I don't remember their names.
Do you think you look the best you've ever looked? Oh hell no.
Have you been hurt by religion? Yes, honestly.
In Truth or Dare, would you rather choose Truth or Dare? I always choose "truth."
Have you ever had more than one crush at once? Yeah, I think that's perfectly normal to feel, even for someone monogamous like myself. Just when you establish a relationship, then it's time to make a choice.
What social issue do you care about most? This is hard to say with how passionately I hold my opinions, but probably LGBTQ+ rights. It's just... so disgusting to me that I was once homophobic. It's like I want to make up for it. Just the idea of being repulsed by love just because someone has "the wrong thing" in their pants is just... appalling.
When was the last time you read a Bible? Many, maaaany years ago I started reading it, but I didn't get very far at all.
Do you own a Bible? I personally don't, but I know Mom has one, maybe multiple.
Do you discover new music regularly? No; I very much stick to what I know. It's great when I do, though, given that that's how I find new songs to repeat to the grave.
What does your first name mean? "Of Britain" or something like that.
What country do you live in? U.S.A.
Do you believe that gays are born that way? Uh, yes? Who honestly believes a homosexual would *choose* to be in the discriminated minority? People are murdered and abused for simply their sexuality; no sane person would "choose" to risk that torture.
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Gunshot - KARD M/V Review Rant
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I’m at it again with another so called review, when in reality its just a whole essay on my thoughts of my favorite artist’s comebacks, aka a rant lol. If you haven’t seen Gunshot, GO WATCH IT! I promise it’s amazing and this is one of their best songs/videos/comebacks etc. I have attached the video so no excuses! Also this is a lot of spoilers so don’t read this first it will ruin the shock and awe that is this video. And putting the “keep reading” to contain said spoilers and so ya’ll who don’t wanna read this don’t have to scroll endlessly to reach the end of my rambling.
Hi! Hello! Thank you for continuing reading! Lolol my Taemin 2KIDZ review actually got notes which was surprising, so hope you guys like this. I have a lot to say so here we go...
So first I wanna start on the meaning of the song. On his VLIVE BM said the song is about verbal abuse and how detrimental it can be to your mental health. Considering many pop songs, especially kpop, are all very cheery and upbeat I applaud them for covering such a serious topic in a way that’s not sad and slow. PLUS BM is creating new merch called healers where everything will be donated to an organization that fights against bullying (including homophobia and racism) which is incredible so be sure to check that out when it’s dropped.
So on that note I wanna get into the song itself. Let’s start with lyrics. The song starts with the words “LOVE damn 4 letters” like what a perfect way to start a song. Also the way they blend a lot more English into this song is something I love as a non-Korean speaker. Plus the parts in English are so powerful? Well so are the Korean lyrics. Like KARD you guys just went hard with this whole song. The chorus is literally “You words are like a gunshot, I’m bleeding love”. Just wow. That definitely describes verbal abuse perfectly, especially coming from those you love because it’s those cruel words from loved ones that hurt the most. I mean “the words you spit out kill me like bullets”, how else is there to describe that pain because it fucking sucks. Other lyrics that just show the words are coming from the one you love: “As long as you love me, the good or the ugly, everything is okay” as well as “I won’t surrender my darling”. And this relationship is obviously toxic with words like “Selfish I will never be enough even when I pour out all of myself” and “It’s like you control me, without you I’m lonely” and “So far you’ve concealed the true color” and “Without you dying slowly”. And they clearly have had enough with this abuse with lyrics like “Need to drag myself out of there, remove you from my life, take off the tag you” and “They hit me like a gunshot, I’ve bled enough”.
Now into the sound of the song. It has all the classic KARD elements: it has a powerful sound with the instrumentals, it’s faced paced, it’s something you can dance to, and it has that chorus that slows down then just picks up again. But this song just sounds very different than anything they’ve released before? Not in a bad way, since this is probably one of their best songs. Between the lyrics, the vocals, and the overall sound where the music just doesn’t completely take over like in some of their other songs. Don’t get me wrong I love songs like BOMB BOMB, but it was very loud and a lot happening in the song at once. Which isn’t a bad thing, cuz that’s like the perfect club song. But with this song (and the whole album really) it shows them refining their sound. Also they had a lot more involvement with this song, especially BM who did everything from lyrics to producing which probably has a lot to do with it. The music itself just goes perfectly with the vocals. Just the flow is really nice, and the beat is fun, and them gun shots really just add to it. And can we talk about that breakdown when BM is like “1 shot, 2 shot, 3 shot, 4″? Like what??!! Those sirens and everything just ramps up just before it ends, like yaasssss.
Now the music video! It starts with Jiwoo zipping up a body bag...which just sets the tone for the video cuz it’s like ok this is how it starts lets see how tf we got here. Then you find out at the end it Jiwoo zipping up the body bag of...well Jiwoo lol like WHAT THE FUCK?! (I’ll get into this here in a sec). Anyway in terms of the video it also has some classic KARD elements like the choreography that’s very intense and dramatic, the bright colors, the flashes and lasers, some crazy stuff happening, and some really cool props and visuals (not just the members lol). Other common stuff is the piles of technology surrounding them, especially J.seph. Like in Red Moon, there’s cameras and old televisions around them. This time the video starts with them being surrounded by cameras and J.seph has a pile of old computer monitors. There may be some meaning with this, but I don’t get it but think it’s an interesting theme. Perhaps its an analogy for them being constantly watched and put on every screen, like showing a darker side of being a celebrity (also will get into this in a minute when I talk about interesting interpretations and theories).
Also this video gave me suicide squad vibes. Like Jiwoo with them pony tails and the way her makeup was done resembled Harley Quinn. And idk BM gave me Joker vibes (may be due to the coloring of his teeth), BUT he also gave me Harley vibes with the blue and pink coloring of his blonde hair (which is just an amazing look for him). Then BM was just covering everything in black, Jiwoo is just fucking shit up, Somin is ready to cut a bitch, and J.seph is burning shit up as usual (just like BOMB BOMB, so another parallel). Everyone looked good in this video...like they are all such great visuals. Somin looked like a queen as always with the jewelry and everything (they always do that and she looks stunning). Jiwoo pulls of that outfit with those threads everywhere, like that would drive me crazy yet she looks amazing. Blonde BM is truly a look. And J.seph? I think this was the best he’s looked in any video...maybe its the dark hair and clothes paired with those light contacts that just make his eyes stand out. Idk but looks good, all of them! Even with all those slashes to their faces! Also this video is a lot less sexualized, especially with the girls but that’s a whole other topic for another day.
So we know this song is about verbal abuse. I talked about how it could be from someone you love. Obviously the cuts on their faces are caused by the words and pain inflicted on them, until eventually its more than just lashes but a full on gunshot killing them completely. An interesting theory I read is this is a song to their fans, or really people just leaving hate comments. Again you can draw from the cameras and screens how their whole life is recorded, and how they are trying their best pouring their heart and soul into their music when they get all this hate and criticism. So these “shots” hurt the most when it comes from their fans. Also going with this concept, Jiwoo shooting herself could be killing who she is to be who they want her to be. Although there’s so many interpretations, especially to the ending. Like it could be her killing the weaker and darker part of herself (like the part of herself willing to put up with the abuse out of love), so by killing that part of her she is free. BUT, could this “winner” be that dark part of herself killing who she used to be? This could also be killing that pain, but by embracing it and letting it morph you into something darker like a person embracing that evil and using it to make themselves stronger and protect themselves. OR she is causing this pain on herself, it’s her own words are the insecurities and lack of love to herself that is affecting her until she ends up just killing herself (not literally but figuratively). Idk so many ideas and interpretations to the ending alone. Plus we have them all just spreading this darkness and anger (like BM literally painting everything black, which is symbolic into spreading darkness). But ya this video was amazing, the visuals were stunning and the song is just great.
The rest of the album (all 2 songs...hope they release more) was just as incredible. Hold On is a farewell to J.seph who will be enlisting soon, and omg that made me cry. So J.seph you better keep your promise and return soon because we’ll be holding on and waiting for you babe! This song was also really slow (at least for a KARD song) which just shows you they can be diverse in their music. Plus just the contrast of the verses (which are just super powerful) with the chorus (which is very melodic) was great. And with AH EE YAH, like that was so nice to listen to and its a cool mix between old music with that beat it starts with, to newer music especially with the way they rap. So, shows they have a lot of influences and it also shows a different side to KARD.
Overall I think it’s a great comeback (idk what else they have planned but hoping for some new stuff because I’ve missed them so much). Please go show support and stream Gunshot and listen to the mini album! They are so talented and deserve so much more recognition. They have such hope with this comeback, but yet they still are like “we’re never gonna be number 1″ and that just breaks my heart. So show your support, hopefully they can get a win this year or just something big happen for them because they deserve it!! So that is the end of my rant...back to watching this video for the 100th time we go!!
#let me know what you think if you read my entire paper lol#alyssa kpop rant#BM#j.seph#jeon somin#jeon jiwoo#kard#hidden kard#kpop#gunshot#gunshot kard#kard comeback#bm kard#j.seph kard#jiwoo kard#somin kard
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Hey remember when I said I’d do a lyric analysis of northern downpour, and then didn’t do that for like 6 months? yeah here we go:
the opening line of Northern Downpour: “if all our life is but dream” really sets the tone for the song, its half quoting a children’s song; establishing the almost nursery rhyme aesthetic the has going on for large parts. The changes Ryan makes to the line also reveal important thematic elements in the song--“life is but a dream” is changed from a definitive and general statement; its no longer commenting about general reality but rather questioning all his established feelings about their relationship. He is turning to the other person and saying “is any of this real? is this all a fantasy ive built up in my head?” it feels almost as if he is Begging them to contradict him, to tell him what they have is good and Real and not just “broken glass”, that for a second looked like “diamonds”, and although theres a desperate uncertainty to how hes wording these thoughts “/if/ all our life is but a dream” “/do appear/ to be, just like broken glass /to me/“ you get a sense its less that he’s unsure and more that he has this realization and he is /Praying/ he is wrong.
The second verse seems to be the other person’s reply, but instead of addressing his thoughts and questions they turns to what seem like general criticisms of him “i cant believe that genius only comes across in storms of fable foreign tongues”, this line seems to be a dig at how he expresses himself: unorganized, wild, and hard to understand, while they insist thats this cant be the only way, they offer him this rather than, as noted before, addressing his fear that they’re relationship is nothing more than a fantasy or a dream.
The chorus seems to shift away slightly from the conversation the first to verses are detailing, the tone also switches back to the nursery rhyme that was present in the first line of the song. It’s directed to a personified version of the moon, a common theme in english nursery rhymes, it’s also reminiscent of ‘rain, rain go away’ although reversed in meaning. Overall the line is almost a prayer, begging the moon to say in the in the hope that that would freeze this moment forever, this hope adds a sense of anxiety to the whole song as if whatever happiness is held in this moment is fragile and will inevitably end with the day break. Using a child like tone gives the line an innocent edge, innocent as in ignorant rather, he’s asking for an impossible thing, wording it like a nursery rhyme or children’s song acknowledges this, asking for this night/this moment/ maybe even this entire relationship to last is as fruitless as child singing to that rain in the hope that it will bring fair weather
“Sugarcane in the easy morning/weathervanes my one and lonely”; speaks of Contrast; the first line feels to me to be about happiness and contentment: sugarcane is sweet and wonderful but also simple and natural, he also used the word ‘easy’ which i think compounds that, its a situation that is happy and beautiful but also effortless then you add the setting of the morning time which brings with it a sense of domesticality, and so the line paints a picture of a relationship or situation that is blissful and warm but natural and content also(much like a home)This is immediately contrasted with the next line; ‘weathervanes my one and lonely’ : weathervanes are an image that instantly conjure(for me anyway) ideas of isolation, they are distant from everything, they’re an object you own but have no physical contact with, this is then emphasized by the weathervane being described as lonely, Ryan, by using a possessive phrase aligns himself with the weathervane, creating the suggestion they are the same(he is also isolated and alone). Further more the choice of a weathervane suggests location as well, theyre an object rarely if ever found in the city, an object that is completely connected to farm life, as this is a song written by someone who lives in a city but travels long, long distances through the country seeing things like weathervanes would be a visual reminder that he’s a far from home as it well as being an object that is ‘lonely’ in its own right, bringing us back to the ‘one and lonely’ part, they’re joined together by their equal loneliness.
we shift back to the conversation here with a description of the of the other person talking: “through playful lips made of yarn”, Ryan has been using body imagery through out the song, and theres often been a subtle personification of the body parts, which is very true in this case. Instead of the speaker being simply described as talking the words move through their ‘playful lips’, which gives the words an edge of agency in their own right. But in this case he hasn’t just personified the lips, he’s also given them a sense of the artificial, by describing them as being made of ‘yarn’, not only is it a artificial material, it also has a strikingly different texture to lips(the line wouldnt have the same effect had he used plastic instead) the description gains a very haptic feel to it, but also alien and strange, potentially indicating his feelings towards the other person at this point.
The emotion of the verse starts shifts back to the more distraught feeling at the start of the song, the “Capricorn” is described as “fragile” and the words the came from the “playful lips” now “unravel”. As if the as the conversation progresses the other person gets more and more upset, and their speech more jumbled.
There isn’t a clear indication who or what ‘that fragile capricorn’ is, the natural inclination is that it’s the other person(presumably they are a capricorn) but its place in the verse seems to suggest otherwise— it seem to be the cause for the mood change, “/That/ fragile Capricorn /unraveled/ words like moths upon old scarves”, like it is the cause for the unraveling, I want to argue that its an outside force or situation, potentially the conversation they are currently having; tentative and hanging over their heads.
this is immediately followed by, what ryan described as the central line of p.o.: “I know the world’s a broken bone but melt your headaches call it home”, in the context of this song potentially being about a troubled relationship it could be taken to be about that specifically, a plea either to the other person or himself to keep working on the problems in their relationship, but I think its almost meant to be taken in general sense,(potentially as well) its not enough to just acknowledge the ways in which your life, or the wide world is hard and harmful and then to wallow it that pain, rather you have to then be proactive in that situation and Make It Better(which is a bit of a theme in jon’s solo music but i Digress).
the song then moves back into a repetition of the ‘sugarcane’ line, eventually interlaced with ‘hey moon’, finally the song ends on two new lines: “You are at the top of my lungs/Drawn to the ones who never yawn” and return to the body imagery that has ran through the song, “you are at the top of my lungs” has implication of someone ‘taking your breathe away’(tho its infinitely better worded that i actually feel guilty describing it as such but i dont know how else to put it). yawning is a sign of tiredness or boredom so the opposite of that invokes connotations of focus or intensity, tho i got to say im unclear as to whether that line refers to Him being “drawn to the ones who never yawn” or the other person, I default on it being the other person because of the wording but it makes more sense to me if it refers to ryan idk
basically northern downpour is a song that sits tentatively strung between the knowledge that maybe this relationship isnt the healthiest and being So in love with the other person that you almost dont care but mainly desperately want to be proved wrong, desperately begging the moon to stay in the sky so this Good moment doesnt end and you wont have to face reality by the harsh light of day
Some Notes
•this might be a a bit of a hot take idk it isnt really what i thought about the song until i thought intensly about each line for hours but once i landed on it the more i became convinced that was what the song was talking about, its still just my interpretation tho, how ever you interpretated it is just as valid u know, and if you wanna send me your thoughts about northern downpour(or any song off pretty odd lmao) please feel free! i obviously have Thoughts lmaoo
•kinda wanna write an entire piece about how northern downpour, dangrous blues and lie to the truth are basically a trilogy, kinda wanna cry
•i had to physically stop myself from writing an entire paragraph about how ‘i know the worlds a broken bone but melt your headaches call it home’ is a progression from the central ideas of fever and im real emotional about it but i managed to control myself cos it didnt really fit
#also feel free to to send me a message if there are typos in this i tried hard to edit it but i wouldnt be suprized if i missed some#ryan ross#pretty. odd.#panic! at the disco#patd#txt#long post#sorry i donno how to do readmores on mobile and the desktop version really didnt want me to post this 😫
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Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)
ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long
1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?
water bottles
2. chocolate bars or lollipops?
ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no
4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?
common report book comments included
- very active
- bright
- “the live wire of the class”
- usually distracted but still does well
- mischievous
- playful
5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet
6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?
sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday
7. earbuds or headphones?
def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/
8. movies or tv shows?
tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)
9. favorite smell in the summer?
i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)
10. game you were best at in p.e.?
making up excuses to skip pe
11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?
belvitas before morning practice
croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice
if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol
if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal
12. name of your favorite playlist?
it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”
13. lanyard or key ring?
key ring
14. favorite non-chocolate candy?
gummy bears/sour patch kids
15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?
death of a salesman - arthur miller
16. most comfortable position to sit in?
with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?
a pair of asics sneakers
18. ideal weather?
15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)
19. sleeping position?
on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy
20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?
i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute
21. obsession from childhood?
frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)
22. role model?
a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.
23. strange habits?
i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something. like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.
24. favorite crystal?
idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.
25. first song you remember hearing?
uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????
26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?
switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.
27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?
switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.
do u see a pattern here
28. five songs to describe you?
jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)
avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)
high hopes - p!atd
astronaut - simple plan
the reckless and the brave - all time low
29. best way to bond with you?
doing dumb shit with me
also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with
30. places that you find sacred?
idk
31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?
a hoodie and sweatpants
for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time
32. top five favorite vines?
I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN
this bitch empty. yeet.
im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM
the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut
road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”
33. most used phrase in your phone?
either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet
34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?
gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)
35. average time you fall asleep?
i’d say 12:30-1ish
36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?
the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes
37. suitcase or duffel bag?
suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off
38. lemonade or tea?
lemonade
39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?
ngl i havent had either of them before
40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?
so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.
41. last person you texted?
my mom
42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?
def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
hoodie
44. favorite scent for soap?
idk man depends on my mood
45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?
sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd
46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?
shirt and sweats
47. favorite type of cheese?
cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks
48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?
a fineapple B)
lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)
49. what saying or quote do you live by?
here for a good time not for a long time
never give up without a fight
50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?
idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:
- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life
- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that
- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.
51. current stresses?
- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)
- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)
- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh
52. favorite font?
avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.
53. what is the current state of your hands?
dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe
54. what did you learn from your first job?
i…havent had a real job yet
55. favorite fairy tale?
idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.
56. favorite tradition?
chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho
57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?
hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)
58. four talents you’re proud of having?
- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???
- i’m somewhat decent at lettering…i think
- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge
- i’m decent at photography…i guess….
59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
yeet
60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?
pokemon !!
61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP
62. seven characters you relate to?
JAKE PERALTA - b99
rosa diaz - b99
linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)
dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)
percy jackson
kale bae /winks/
mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/
63. five songs that would play in your club?
idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist
64. favorite website from your childhood?
club penguin !!!
65. any permanent scars?
yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea
66. favorite flower(s)?
i dont have any
67. good luck charms?
i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.
also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)
68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?
durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.
69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?
red food coloring is derived from beetles
70. left or right handed?
right
71. least favorite pattern?
overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.
72. worst subject?
chinese
besides that, math and physics
73. favorite weird flavor combo?
i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries
also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything
74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?
i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers
75. when did you lose your first tooth?
i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)
76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?
tater tots
77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?
cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.
78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?
grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)
79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?
its the same photo for both so yeAh
80. earth tones or jewel tones?
earth
81. fireflies or lightning bugs?
idk i always called them fireflies
82. pc or console?
console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS
83. writing or drawing?
drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)
84. podcasts or talk radio?
neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss
84. barbie or polly pocket?
neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them
85. fairy tales or mythology?
mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)
86. cookies or cupcakes?
cookies
87. your greatest fear?
losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)
88. your greatest wish?
rn, for my essay to write itself
for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)
for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents
89. who would you put before everyone else?
my mom
90. luckiest mistake?
i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn
91. boxes or bags?
bags
92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?
fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)
93. nicknames?
deb
debs
debo
debbo
alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others
94. favorite season?
spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)
95. favorite app on your phone?
insta/tumblr/telegram
96. desktop background?
a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)
97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?
4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s
98. favorite historical era?
uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet
also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool
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beyond-far-horizons
This is awesome and because *hangs head in shame* I dont play the games (i'm a noob with no money and my parents never let me have video games so I just like the story okay?) I have never seen this bit.
I ADORE multiverse/underworld stuff as you know or perhaps you don't as I don't know how far I got explaining Aeq and Midnight Palace but it is FULL of that stuff. I love the symbolism and it is very Jungian (I am the Priest of Jung okay, welcome to the New Testament of Jess!) But I need to sleep rn so we can get to it later.
Thank you for showing me because then I can reference it if I have time but I have so many other things going on right now and dunno I love fanfic and these stories but then I get down because I get virtually no response and I need that interaction to continue. It is my luck to always like dead fandoms with minor prequel characters I guess...still I do feel the fanfic has improved my writing and vice versa
I was thinking alot about hell and demons and what 'heaven' would be as I had a very detailed review on FF.net asking me all this questions, like why Sparda would long for the light if he is a demon and dunno, it always comes back to my pet theories of light and dark and the union of opposites. Sparda is so interesting because I feel he came to 'justice' on his own but probably also cemented by this mysterious priestess who he had to sacrifice. At least that is the way
the way I would go if I was developing the lore or a prequel game. It seems the most juicy option. Anyways this 'light' ties into my feelings about the transcendent, this higher power/reality urging all to grow and develop. I guess I would see demons as base and vicious aspects of reality and sources of wild and violent energy - very much as both Jung and early cultures saw them or primal gods or 'titans'.
It's also why I have a headcanon Sparda a)is fascinated by humans - they have the same struggles as him and b)he has a huge library on religions of the world, history, philosophy and science because he is still trying to discover the nature of reality just like Eva and this is what really brings them together. I wrote this line last night when Eva looks at all the books 'So you devour our souls metaphorically instead of physically now?'
I debated on making Sparda saintly, like he has already has his struggle and is now secure in himself but that isn't interesting to me plus you know our shared love of fighting with the feral nature to ultimately make the person better. Plus I kinda like the romantic angst that way like with MadaMito hehe
Okay I need to go to bed now.
Ok, prepare for huge contrived reply incoming...
First of all. What??
I hate when parents do this. I’m so sorry, I never knew about it... I really hate this.
Video games are just another media, I never understood why people would pick on that and forbid their child from having some fun. FFS.
If you want to play something some day I’ll always be there to help you installing, finding them, etc.. whatever you might need. Or even just finding anything related to games, etc.. I don’t play much these days as you know the multiple reasons but it was such an important part of my life I can barely imagine being cut out from this, even thought we always had old consoles this was very important.
About Sparda and the fic. I need to be sincere and say I’m taking so long to reply for two reasons. First because I LOVE the way you wrote Sparda but I was afraid of being too simplistic with my reply so I delved a lot on things...
But... tah-dah : I lost the huge reply I had wrote before. My note has 0 battery so its glued to the wall and it just turns off sometimes suddenly and I’m dumb and don’t save things so yeah. I kinda lost myself and got angry about that.
Anyway, I understand what you said here, especially your feelings about the fic, in many ways I can see how my fandom views reflect in the original world I’m making, and the inverse is contrary. There are many parallels. It really helps and fandom work is as worthy as original, imo, I’ve been thinking about this. Our obsession with prequels and obscure characters has a reason and that is exactly because we want to explore what is hidden behind the veil... exploring the possibilities.
Sometimes it comes to shipping speculation, and this too has a reason.
Thinking about your views on Sparda and Eva, I thought a lot on what it truly means to write or develop an obscure ship and why we are so interested in that (think about that, many of our common favorite characters from prequels, etc..)
I came to the conclusion that in Eva/Sparda just like in many of our other ships, has the common theme of the heroin facing her ‘dark reflection’, her ‘animus’ as Jung would say (OH BOY I’m entering that with you), and she, at first rejects it like she reflects her own darker aspects, her unconscious… its abhorrent for her so she seeks to destroy it as rapidly as possible as seen by Eva’s renewed determination after learning Sparda’s true nature in chapter 1. The animus represents her doubts and unconscious... However what we see in your story is much more interesting.
Most stories of this kind focus solely in the female aspect changing from her interactions with the male, who is already developed, but here we have Eva being able to re-awaken some viciousness in Sparda when it seems he has been quite restrained from quite some time (centuries) but also, something that is much more interesting.. it calls to his own determination and his own personal story and sacrifice, for some reason his ‘lust’ and brush with the dark side makes it all more important and more powerful than if he simply had been saintly at that point, like you said. It makes he revisit it all and ponder.
I love how you added lines of ‘temptation’ from Mundus, part of Sparda seeks to surrender to his ‘nature’ as its just so easy, like slip in a pair of old shoes... while the priestess memory, albeit silently, fights it and reminds him of his struggle and his ideals and ultimately her sacrifice which was also his own sacrifice (of his old ways). I think his darker side has been neglected and I think you will use this to develop Sparda into greater heights. Its great we get to see this in the actual story and he is not perfect, but he certainly is incredible.
Also, just as a side-note I loved how you described his hunger as mostly non-carnal as he glimpses her spirit and its light... when we see Sparda’s POV we get reminded every time of his non-human nature and his non-human perception of things which is clearly different. A demon’s prey is not flesh but spirit and this makes a lot of sense and a lot of potential.
To sum it up, you snatched the best of both worlds and is about to develop both characters under a relationship, as they have a lot to learn and gain from each other. I think this is the way your narrative is going, more or less.
These developments are unique aspects which I find extremely interesting and you are doing this in such a genial way and I can see already by the end of the latest chapter the strings of the themes I mentioned are pulled and ready to be followed.
So yeah, they’re in for a journey of development together. Neither of them starts the story as a ‘perfect’ entity either way... This was shown in a very nice way as you pointed out misconceptions regarding both sides involving the duo of protagonists.
“I was thinking alot about hell and demons and what 'heaven' would be as I had a very detailed review on FF.net asking me all this questions, like why Sparda would long for the light if he is a demon and dunno, it always comes back to my pet theories of light and dark and the union of opposites. Sparda is so interesting because I feel he came to 'justice' on his own but probably also cemented by this mysterious priestess who he had to sacrifice. At least that is the way I would go if I was developing the lore or a prequel game. It seems the most juicy option. Anyways this 'light' ties into my feelings about the transcendent, this higher power/reality urging all to grow and develop. I guess I would see demons as base and vicious aspects of reality and sources of wild and violent energy - very much as both Jung and early cultures saw them or primal gods or 'titans'.”
I abstained a bit from the conversation earlier as I feared my careless/godless (lmao) perception was too disturbing for you or anyone but I also pondered on concepts such as heaven and hell, salvation, damnation, etc.. when considering Sparda’s tale. I know DMC isn't Christianity but its imagery is somewhat based on Abrahamic religion/mythos so I’m bound to take in consideration some of my ideas regarding biblical mythology, as in...
When I started reading the bible so long ago it always puzzled me to imagine what exactly were angels/demons. I mean, are they even able to think in the same way as us?? Or are them more like ‘robots’, AI following orders (especially angels sometimes strikes me as that) and perhaps demons are those ‘robots’ that rebelled against their determined function, idk.
Something I wondered more than a decade ago was if demons in the bible are truly lost in every way so I started thinking within the dmc setting. I’m interested in that all and those things I mentioned. The interesting part is that I once asked that to my catechist if demons could be redeemed (lmao I was crazy, I know, but bored above all). She was at first very mad with me (she was always) but she reluctantly told me that demons had known god up close and felt his power so their sin in not following him is much bigger than a human’s, something of the sorts. So it sounded like they are also able to choose their way and I sort of apply this to dmc, lol. I’m weird, I know...
Are they capable or ‘worthy’ of forgiveness, because demons in dmc clearly have free will and thought like us, or at least similar to us. Some of them, like Sparda have clearly a lot of intellect, but like you said... others are very ‘primal’. Perhaps this is the key. The ‘evolved’ demon develops intellect and power... perhaps you are in the right track and it goes hand in hand? Does this make any sense?? The more powerful and developed they are, the more they develop ‘higher brain functions’ and star resembling a human more, idk because the lower demons in dmc are clearly more animal-like and primal while Sparda has a human-like shape and intellect.
I think I know where we are going and this looks like both angels and demons are actually a ‘reflection’ of human psyche. So, demons are the primal ancient aspects of the brain are somehow walking around hell just like that, while heaven and its inhabitants are mysterious. I really like the way you described hell and its inhabitants, it makes a lot of sense to imagine it as a part of human psyche embodied, in a way. I imagine Heaven as the exact inverse of Hell so it has its own creatures and they’re born from ‘order’ instead of chaos as stated above.
We have Bayonetta as a source of inspiration and I think its very valid to use that in order to understand Sparda. Heaven isn’t exactly good there, is it? In fact it appears like a very controlling environment.
Hell: Primal, violent, survival of the fittest anyone? Hell inhabitants embodied the most basic aspects of the brain, as you said.
Heaven: It might stem from higher planes of thinking and represent the more ‘sublime’ or ‘newer’ aspects of the evolving mammal brain.
It might make an easy choice for heaven but also such tight atmosphere is bound to become stagnant, it is no longer permitting flaws and strong emotions (thus angels look apathetic af in Bayonetta).
It might seem at first glance that heaven is good, hell is bad, however I think, if you delve into heaven you might realize the beings born there might be too ‘disembodied’ as they represent exactly those parts of human psyche which are the most sublime. Let me explain, I always felt like too much spirituality tends to make people leave behind the reality of things, it might make them lack empathy for living beings who have to commit difficult decisions on a living basis, basic survival, starvation, the struggle for life, etc..
Think about enlightenment and Bodhisattva, also the rituals of mortification which are legit scary and reminds me of this concept as only those who leave behind all that is ‘mortal’ and are detached to an extreme, can reach Nirvana. I know this has not much to do with Christianity but even in this religion we find analogous associations regarding detachment as divine and saintly. Its also harmful in a way, or am I reaching? While too much focus on the primal/carnal leads to obvious horrible things: vice and chaos; too much detachment leads to apathy.
I do think some level of detachment is necessary to reach happiness but too much of it makes people forget the reality of life and makes them not able to relate anymore to the ones around them, as the focus becomes solely spiritual it kind of deafens them to the ‘real world’ and ignore it.
This is all about reaching a balance as its is our favorite theme, too much light is bad, too much darkness is bad, etc.. or else the story would fall into itself as the reality of the three settings (heaven, hell, earth) would be rigid.
So here we have a darker aspect of heaven, imo, to balance things out.
Heaven is clearly ‘order’ and hell is ‘chaos’ so we might as well find a balance... our favorite theme as always. The fact that one being like Sparda, born amidst ultimate chaos would gaze upward in delight and desire something else doesn't surprise me. The fact is he could be bitter about it, you even gave away the line on your fic where Sparda mentions he has been denied ‘light’. I wonder what exactly that means and this is one of my favorite aspects of your Sparda is that he is aware of his condition and even thought he worked against it its still lingering to him.. like his own flickering appearance.
But he hasn’t made his way up to heaven, huh?
So its not a far reach to believe in it (that he desired ‘light’, whatever it is) but my personal belief is that too much ‘light’ is not good either and Sparda realized the beauty in flawed humanity, which sits right in the middle of light and darkness, order and chaos... that’s why he became enamored by the concept of humanity and all the struggle our own condition imposes upon us.
For me this is an archetypal theme.
Just food for thought.
The matter is... how? What exactly awakened him to justice?
This makes stuff much more interesting. This was a huge ramble, I know but I needed to develop this and see if it works,
It's also why I have a headcanon Sparda a)is fascinated by humans - they have the same struggles as him and b)he has a huge library on religions of the world, history, philosophy and science because he is still trying to discover the nature of reality just like Eva and this is what really brings them together. I wrote this line last night when Eva looks at all the books 'So you devour our souls metaphorically instead of physically now?'
So yeah, about a) I’m totally with you and I can see why Sparda would empathize with humans, as I talked earlier and I think my explanation on why Sparda would be fascinated by humans instead of ‘angels’ is made up above and I hope this doesn't sound too weird, just my line of thought.
As a demon, he’s born from a very ‘imperfect’ reality. He knows how shitty things can be... Now I really wonder how his life was before he ‘awakened to justice’ he must have witnessed some remarkably horrible things in his life..
Under the setting I mentioned, it would be I think its kinda easier for a demon to do this since angels would be too stuck up in their haven, idk so this is how Sparda, the unlikely hero is the first of these beings to take arms and defend humanity. Sparda is so special as he was the one to side with humans by his own decision and free will. What a guy!
I debated on making Sparda saintly, like he has already has his struggle and is now secure in himself but that isn't interesting to me plus you know our shared love of fighting with the feral nature to ultimately make the person better. Plus I kinda like the romantic angst that way like with MadaMito hehe
I’m glad you didn't! This is probably a gradual process even thought they say he ‘awakened to justice’ which makes it seem like he suddenly just did so I believe he had brewing feelings from his life as a demon in hell...
He must have been such an unique individual to perceive truths his peers where not ready to learn and truly, an act of rebellion against the system itself coming from someone who is ‘supposed’ to do only harm is really something we want to see on screen and I’m so glad you didn't simplify it as being a single event in his life.
I’m really in love with this theme because it shows these beings are able to change their own destinies, even someone with such dark origins.
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Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.
tagged by @elizabethsyson
Nickname: Muggle is my nickname, but when I went by Muggle in person for more than a month at a time, it naturally got abbreviated, usually to Mugz
Zodiac: Aquarius
Last movie I saw: into the spiderverse (same answer as last time. I don't watch that many movies tbh except around Christmas. unless YouTube counts in which case... music of some sort? idk links for the next answer)
Favorite musician: changes by the day. I've kinda been in an acapella and/or folk music mood recently so the Maccabeats and Peter Hollens are in my YouTube and Spotify history a lot recently. also I'm eternally in awe of Forte Handbell Quartet (eta a longer video; i recommend skipping to the techno piece or the Jurassic Park theme)
Last thing I googled: "vine why are you buying clothes at the soup store" (my wife hasn't seen it; also i can't find the vine because apparently it's a much bigger meme than I realized). before that it was "chgrp not root" because work and group permissions are useful when they work
Song stuck in my head: well for most of the day when I haven't been actively listening to something, it's been the Pokemon RSE route-walking music. (but that somehow happens frequently when I'm in the no-music-no-internet room at work, as I was for most of the day, and I don't know how I accidentally trained my brain to make that connection). right now, surprisingly, I don't have any background music playing in my head. I think it's because the humidifier provides just enough white noise that my brain doesn't feel the need to provide its own
Other blogs: my main is @muggle-the-hat and I'm a mod on @why-do-neurotypicals but we've gotten one ask ever so that blog has been dormant for a while. I have a bunch of other sideblogs, but they're all small and I use different screen names on each of them (enby life: no idea which name suits me best so I may as well try them out) so i feel like it would just confuse things to link them.
Following: blogs matching all the themes of my sideblogs, (including this one, which is writeblr), korean langblr, jumblr, assorted fandom blogs, authors of my more favorite fanfictions (some overlap with other categories), and irl friends and acquaintances (including one fandom blog turned irl friend)
Do I get asks: on my main if at all, which isn't really surprising because i have hundreds of followers there and maybe 60 followers combined among the rest. but I get asks far less often than I reblog ask memes so... I'm always happy to get more. I do get tagged in ask games more on this one, but writeblr is actually vaguely organized about tag lists so that makes sense. also I used to get tagged a bunch on my main and I rarely could find the posts again to follow up when I had time to answer.
What I’m Wearing: pajamas. staying warm and cozy
Lucky number: I don't remember what I said last time, but I like a lot of numbers. 64 is a good number. recently I've been debugging software in which 0x3E is my lucky status number and 0x0E taunts me. (um, decimal 62 and 14). Also my other favorite number i can't share until it's no longer the combination to the lock to the Secret Room. (or realistically never because opsec and i shouldn't make public the types of parents we use for that combination lock), honestly I aim to be like.... ah, I'm sure the anecdote involves G.H. Hardy but i don't remember on which side. anyway one mathematician remarked to another about how the id number of the taxi he rode in was sadly uninteresting, and the one I aspire to be like, argued "what are you talking about, this number is interesting because ______" and I'd like to be able to do that for any arbitrary number thrown at me. (hi yes math is good, history is hard, math history is interesting yet i still forget the people even if i remember the math. except when things are named after people, but that tends to be, like, Euler and LaGrange and other people who did lots of cool science things so i remember the methods and the names of the methods separately which never helps)
Amount of sleep: ....depression both screws with my sleep schedule and means I always feel like I need more sleep except when I wake up at 5pm and feel like I've wasted the day. so yeah. I can never get enough sleep
Favorite food: yes (why do I have to pick a favorite?) uh, chocolate in most forms, many other sweet things, red meats (especially if served with potatoes), curry (especially if it has "too much" ginger), fresh-baked bread, chai the way my favorite local Indian restaurant makes it (spicier with just a little bit of sweet, which is the opposite of what i can get from the mocha machine at work which is wayyy sweet with a hint of spice but that inferior chai is still superior to coffee so i drink too much of it). also vegetables which I really don't eat enough of: sauteed zucchini and onions, roasted broccoli
Dream trip: dreaming requires creativity and tbh I funnel that mostly into my writing instead. I wouldn't mind going back to Korea for another visit though
Dream job: my current job is pretty good when I feel productive and when my debugging tools actually produce data maybe??? (they were not being helpful today. but i still mostly like my job.) dream job is probably this but with seniority and confidence and double the salary (while living in a similar area of the country; I wouldn't want to double my salary by moving to work for Google in California and having less available after rent than I do now)
Describe yourself as aesthetic things:
the smell of old books
the first glow of sunrise (the sunrise painting the mountains pink and gold)
a rainbow in the spray from a waterfall
the flicker of distant lightning (watching a thunderstorm fade into the distance)
this picture
Random fact: about me or about the world?
how about a combination answer: when we got our new handbell music this season, we only looked at half the pieces our first rehearsal and afterwards I tried to look up one of the pieces we hadn't gotten to on YouTube because it's got a weird time signature and I wanted to get a feel for how fast it would go and how strict the counting is...... except it turns out we're the first group to ever play the piece. it was commissioned recently but seeing my conductor's name on the page didn't tell me how new it was because he's super prolific. (the fact that it was on printer paper without the publisher's graphics should have been a giveaway but it's only the second time I've been among the first to play one of his pieces so I think I can be excused for not realizing)
Languages: mostly just English, but I took Spanish for years, so I can hold simple conversations in it. I can almost read sound out Hebrew fast enough to keep up in services, and I know some random Hebrew vocab but comparatively no grammar. and I took Korean in college, enough that I can recognize sentence structure but I can really only speak tourist-Korean, though I can sound anything out (if it's typed. handwriting is hit or miss.) in both Hebrew and Korean (and Spanish tbh but i don't often listen to Spanish music) I'm very proud when I can separate the words enough, listening to a song, to translate them without looking up the lyrics. also I tried to learn Japanese from Duolingo when it was new, but I still hadn't gotten the kana straight when it started progressing to kanji so that was a rough time and I went back to Hebrew.
tbh I "dabble" in "language learning" which really means I start a million courses on Duo and stick with none of them. with the notable exception of French, which I acknowledge is super common and probably a good idea to learn but the spelling and pronunciation seem so arbitrary I'm scared to look close enough to learn it properly, and I've never particularly considered starting the Duolingo course for French
I think I lost a few questions, because that's only 18 answers. whoops.
um... who to tag
@abluescarfonwaston if school hasn't drowned you in work yet and @copperscales I'm interested in both of your choices for lucky numbers especially.
... wow I'm blanking on other mutuals I haven't tagged recently. as usual lmk if you'd like to be edited in, or just answer the questions and tag me back, that's great too.
#tag games#i really like that 'describe yourself' question can we keep that around as a poetry prompt?#i think you also tagged me in a 'last line' tag game but i still haven't written anything#my creative energy has been (a) low and (b) directed specifically into generating matching titles for my purimgifts fics#i'll participate if i still remember by the time i'm doing 'real' writing again or you can just tag me the next time that game comes around
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