#its loving myself as a whole person

[galaghiel]

what remnant does to a mf

#fnaf #michael afton #me doods #look away people! this one's just for me and myself only #(despite maintagging yes i know but its for organization purposes) anyways #i am a big fan of remnant mutating the shit out of a person #pair that w michael's unique death and continued exposure to the spirits it ends up doing pretty fucked up stuff lol #post scoop michael looks like a purple titan 💀 #i'm literally just making fun of my own design atp lmaooo #whatever's the opposite of same face syndrome i have that w michael #just recently added the bolts to the jaw and i love it sm i'm keeping it #post scoop michael is 6'7 so i just want yall to imagine this absolute unit of a cryptid losing his mind managing the pizzeria #he's out there sobbing shitting rolling on the floor trying to mute the fucking ads absolutely flooding his monitors #i drew what his neck looks like but its usually covered in bandages or a turtleneck #you do not want to see what's under his shirt btw. its a whole circus in there AHAHAHAHAHA

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[dyingbuck]

the tragedy of the downes

#fay draws #red dead redemption #rdr #rdr2 #thomas downes #edith downes #archie downes #i love arthur as much as the next person but err i hate when ppl genuinely act like he did nothing wrong not in a meme way #like the whole point of the game is that he gets redemption for what he did #so to get redemption he had to do bad stuff #and what happened with thomas' death is the biggest thing he try to get redemption on imo #idk if im making myself clear or not im not good with words but the downes story like many stories in rdr make me sad #his last name is mispelled on the grave as its actually mispelled in the game 🤷‍♀️ #it was just a quick drawing bc ive been thinking about the downes

[blue-madd]

Write about your paracosms!!

I just read back some stuffs I wrote about a paracosm I created based on a dream like 5-7 years ago and I am sobbing. Yes, it's written badly. Yes, I'm judging myself a little but still-

Most of it is nonsense since I forgot some of the lore (like there are a lot of characters being mentioned with absolutely 0 clue of who they are & I can't remember shit about them so it's v frustrating) but I'm so happy I still thought about writing and keeping parts of this story because it's amazing and exciting and I'm so proud of myself, I can't believe my brain came up with all of that based on one fucked up dream!?

My point is : write it down. Doesn't need to be well written or make 50 pages but one day your future self might find it back and be amazed at how creative you are. One day, you might miss these worlds so keep a trace of it to help you remember how awesome they are.

These will make good memories to look back to, I promise.

#also personal notes are so funny #i can feel my younger self judging those paras and im here for it i laughed so damn much #and the plot twists oml #reading back a story when you forgot most of it is so exciting bc youre just like 'what just happened? and then what??' the whole time #i love myself so much rn *pats younger self on the head* good job kid #gonna upcycle that paracosm now bc its too good to be forgotten hahahahaha #madd #maladaptive daydreaming #paras rant #paraportal #paracosm : Dreamer

[skitskatdacat63]

helloooo you haven’t heard from me in a while but since i consider u an f1 historian i just saw on tiktok a video of an intro (before the 2012 korean gp i assume) where they had the drivers with gangnam style as the music… i was wondering if you might have it since that has been driving me insaaaane 😭😭 thank you sm catie have a lovely day 🫶

Hallo!!!! Nice to see you again! I'm glad I can be held in such high esteem 😭 But please anon, we def saw the same tiktok, this one, right? A great thanks to the op on tiktok who linked me the video!!

Why did you have to force me think again about all the Gangnam Style stuff in F1 in 2012 though????(ex. BBC vid with PSY, vid/pics of Seb and Mark with PSY, both learning the dance, as well as other clips of drivers such as Felipe and Nico dancing)

#no because i spent literally an entire hour trying to find it myself and failed..... #i am so ashamed LMAO but thank god for that person linking it #and its so annoying bcs i literally looked on twt using the exact keywords and it didnt show up??? #AND ITS EVEN WORSE BCS I LITERALLY HAVE THAT TWT ACCOUNT OPEN IN ONE OF MY TABS #i digress: i like to make things hard for myself apparently #my search history was just me losing my whole fucking mind #though ive learned a lot about older german f1 content! #such as a commercial where niki lauda plays a cowboy as well as a michael schumacher rap #f1 needs to slay and be camp like this again(paraphrasing Cofi) #its so cringe but i love it #those pics tho of sebmark with psy haunt me tho 😭😭😭😭😭 like why did you make me think of that again #but jfc has it rly been 10+ yrs since gangnam style??????? #fernando alonso #sebastian vettel #kimi raikkonen #kimi räikkönen #lewis hamilton #michael schumacher #nico rosberg #(its so fucked up we didnt get mark or jenson) #f1 #formula 1 #2012 korean gp #2012 korean grand prix

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I find it frustrating how being a gnc and gay makes it hard to talk about my experiences as a trans person.

Both because the experiences themselves are so different from the norm. And because, if i try to talk about transphobia I face there's this underlying idea that because im a feminine trans man, I deserve it or at least could avoid it by being less feminine.

And there really is no way to win because if I'm feminine, then I'm not really a man (or not trying hard enough to be one) but if im masculine then I'm not queer enough and get shit from within the community for that too.

And I cant relate to the average trans masc experience (tm) because my (lesbian) mother's idea is that I should be a butch lesbian instead of a fem gay man so the lack of acceptance from them comes in the form of barring me from wearing makeup or "flashy" clothes, as opposed to the more typical enforced femininity.

How much of myself am I expected to give up? And more importantly, why is that expectation coming from other queer people, people who should know better?

#transandrophobia #transmasc #trans man #it just makes it hurt that much more that other queer people #and even other trans people #are pulling the same shit #and on a personal note #as if this whole thing wasnt already #it really sets a grim tone for the future #the entirety of my twenties has been a constant cycle of 'youre not gay because youre trans and therefore not really a man' #'but youre not really trans because youre too feminine' #'but youre not really queer because youre too masculine' #so at what point do i just fucking give up #and what part of myself #do i give up the makeup and fun clothes that makes me feel good about myself give up my femininity to 'be a man'? #do i give up my transition and my manhood and 'just be nonbinary' like so many people have told me to in order to be a 'good queer' #or do i just give up on friends love and community and just keep to myself? #its not like i can change the way i was born so theres no future in which i get to live as a gay man #it just all feels useless #it is useless #op

[thefleshyougoveggie]

we as a society need to talk more about platonic love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND HOW WONDERFUL IT IS!!!!!!

#i don’t see enough appreciation of platonic love #and i hate the idea that its somehow secondary to romatic love #both are wonderful and both are important #and to some one might be more important than the other #but i don’t think we should’ve made it into a whole societal thing that romantic love is like the “ultimate ” type of love #because it truly isn’t #i love people platonically so much #like SO much #and sometimes i have a hard time imagining myself loving anyone romantically as much as i love my friends platonically #i know i’ve done it before and i might do it again #but i will ALWAYS treasure my friendships and see the platonic love i give and receive as incredibly important #because #it id very important to me #in conclusion: i love my friends #platonic love is neat #and we should celebrate it more than we do #platonic love #atlas the thinker #personal

[bisexualseraphim]

People who see entire demographics of humanity as “the enemy” are so baffling to me, whether they’re incels/misogynists or racists or radfems or whomever I just look at them and wonder why you’d choose a life of such misery. People of a certain gender, sexuality, race or whatever demographic are not inherently your enemy just because they are part of said demographic. Gender and race essentialism is incredibly dangerous and untrue and it especially confuses me when people who claim to be trans allies abide by the former because that mindset is especially dangerous to trans people.

People are individuals, not a hive mind. Society as a whole has massive issues, and some groups may benefit from them more than others (like how the patriarchy hurts men but they still benefit from it far more than women ever will because it has men in mind, albeit only a certain type of man), but individuals are individuals. And what a depressing life it must be to instead navigate the world believing that millions of people are beneath you before they’ve even spoken a word.

#Like I get women being wary of men. I get that and even I am tbh #I’m very visibly queer and rather short most men could kill me and I’d be powerless #But that’s not what I’m talking about I’m talking about the ‘fuck men they can die’ shit #Or people like my uncle who’s antisemitic because a Jewish person he knew happened to be quite nasty #I’ve been abused by cis women many times but they were dicks because they were dicks. Not because they were women #And don’t even get me started on incels. ‘Women suck because they won’t fuck me’ go to therapy #All misogynists need mandatory therapy before they’re allowed to talk to women again please #I would say I’m CAUTIOUS of women now but I still love them very much and I’m working through my wariness in therapy myself #Me being cautious is my own problem to deal with its not women’s fault as a whole #But yeah. I understand caution due to trauma. I do not understand hatred #And JKR for example very much needs to work through her hatred… #equality #feminism #intersectional feminism #actual feminism #misogyny #racism #transphobia #gender essentialism #race essentialism #antisemitism #anti terf #anti radfem #terfs fuck off #radfems fuck off

[scatterpatter]

I HAVEN'T DRAWN MY LIL EDGY BOY IN SO LONG... I MISSED HIM...

alt version with less effects under the cut!

#my art #the colorless #mikhail #wow i am DUSTING OFF old tags #i also used to use 'edgequad 2.0' buuuut ehhhh colorless' tags are still in all those posts its fine #so for context: colorless is an oc i made in like 2017ish? #he started off as just 'what if scatter was evil' before being fleshed out into a whole character a la darkiplier style #the backstory is my original sona split himself into facets of his personality: id ego and superego #and mikhail was the id who then oops got traumatized and now hates his other personalities #but then Plot Things Happen and now the 3 of em are just kinda like disaster brothers #... plus their demon they adopted. His name is Scoot Scoot. yes he is literally a demon. #... can u believe i made them all before questioning if i was part of a system myself #he was gonna have his hoodie on but i was struggling on the sleeves soooo scarf+tshirt boye #i love him a lot okay #im actually really happy with how this turned out esp the hands i really tried on the hands this time #ocs #my ocs #edgesquad 2.0

[chloelouygo]

We are coming into the year of the dragon and this is wonderful for every single yugioh fan, except me, who is the only person in the entire world apparently who doesn't like dragons 🥲

#i just dont get it !!! #like they're just mid !!! #theyre like... alright at best ?? #and i hate that i am the ONLY person to feel this way #i feel like i have to defend myself soo hard because it feels so controversial to ever admit #like i feel actual GUILT and SHAME over this #i fear people will unfollow me for this #even though it's literally just a preference for what animal i like or dont like #like if someone just isnt into horses you dont get a mob of people booing them and trying to tell them why theyre wrong #but i feel like ive had that with dragons ?? #idk its like when someone says theyre lesbian and your family are like hey have you met Derek derek is amazing you've not met a derek before #people be like og you dont like dragons have you just tried X francise ? youll love it trust #like NO!! i just want to be respected for what is apparently the weirdest and least common thing in tue whole world to not fuck with #i feel very invalid if im honest #especially as a ygo fan where so mych of everything is dragons #i dont even like the duels im literally here for the characters #im not a monster girlie 😭 #i have said ky oeace im sorry for the vent #happy year of the dragon to those who celebrate but i will be mourning the year of the rabbit for the next 11 years #whew vent over yall can hate me and unfollow me now 😔😥 #im so sorry

[puppyeared]

Jitterbug

#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it #and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago #bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o) #well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall #im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot #i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing???? #i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T #because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks #at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better #its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh #in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats #mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year #i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o) #THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o( #yapping #my art #myart #doodles #personal #diary

[dontgofarfromme]

[ID: Eight screenshots of highlighted text.

Image 1 reads: "And you know that I love you, Fool. As a man loves his dearest friend. I feel no shame in that. But to let Jek or Starling or anyone think we take it beyond friendship's bound, that you would want to lie with me, is--" I paused. I waited for his agreement. It did not come. Instead, he met my eyes with his open amber gaze. There was no denial in them."I love you," he said quietly. "I set no boundaries on my love. None at all. Do you understand me?"

Image 2 reads: "He did mean you, did he not? Well of course he did, though you may not know it. I doubt you know the custom of the people he came from; how they exchange names to denote the lifelong bonds they form? Did you ever call him by your name, to show him that he was as dear to you as your own life? Or were you too much of a coward to let him know?"

Image 3 reads: "Not by me," he replied decisively. "If you insist we must both take different names now, then I shall call you 'Beloved." And whenever I call you that, you may call me 'Fool."

Image 4 reads: "There it is. Plainly, Fitz, I told you I set no limits on my love for you. I don’t. Yet I never expected you to offer me your body. It was the whole of your heart, all for myself, that I sought. Even though I've never had a right to it. For you gave it away ere ever you saw me."

Image 5 reads: Just as I opened my eyes, the Fool's thought uncurled in my mind like a leaf opening to sunlight. And I set no limits on that love. "It's too much," I said brokenly. "No one can give that much. No one."

Image 6 reads: He lifted his hand. "Did you feel that?" I asked him. He smiled sadly. "Fitz, I have never needed to touch you to feel that. It was always there. No limits." Some part of me knew that was important. That once it would have mattered terribly to me. I tried to find words. "I will put that in my wolf," I said, and he turned away sadly.

Image 7 reads: I bent and kissed his brow in farewell. And then, grasping the rightness of that foreign tradition, I named him as myself. For when I burned him, I knew I would be ending myself, as well. The man I had been would not survive this loss. "Good-bye, FitzChivalry Farseer."

Image 8 reads: "Take your body back from me," I bade him quietly. And so we passed, one into the other, but for a space we had been one. The boundaries between us had melted in the mingling. "No limits," I recalled him saying, and suddenly understood. No boundaries between us.

End ID]

We are one

#rote #fitzloved #realm of the elderlings #i dont know if im ever going to be over this series lol #also i just have a lot of thoughts about how #like idk if its universally true that this is specifcally a queer theme #or if its just something ive seen several places #but i feel like ive come across this thing in a lot of queer stories #of like #loving someone so much and with such violent intensity that you want to be them #not like just be them like you wish you were them INSTEAD of them #but like be them as though you were both them and you were bot hyou #as though you were one person #like KNOWING someone so much and them knowing you so much that you become a part of each other #wanting to consume someones soul and have them consume yours etcetcetc #anyway for this whole series fitz is turning that idea over in his mind #wanting it so desperately but being afraid of letting that last bit of himself go completely #and the culmination of the series when they go into the stone wolf together is him finally fully giving that up #and idk. thats just very gay of him. #also spot the quote i had to jankily rig together myself bc i couldnt get the book back from the library lol #everyone has fools errand out for some reason #my dumb ass writing the final quote wrong whoops lol

[kazbiter]

i feel like bc the hunger games was so massively popular that we talked abt it so much ppl just never discuss it anymore but I have to speak my truth that line in the epilogue of mockingjay that's like "what I need to survive is not gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. i have plenty of fire myself." hits me like a PUNCH literally every time I read it

#it's so personal to me #bc like... yeah #and my love for it has very little to do with either gale OR peeta I love it bc katniss (myself) #also I think that we got so many watered down version of the hunger games due to its market success that it makes the hunger games feel #like basic or overdone #but I could make a whole post abt this bc the hunger games IS the blueprint like when u go back and engage with it you realize how much #it set the standard #and then most following works missed the standard by a mile #but i digress #that line.... that line #the hunger games #katniss everdeen #mockingjay #gale hawthorne

[savage-rhi]

✨️Magenta✨️

#I've been really sad lately #its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on #and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares #my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious #but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest #I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone #will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized #out of participating with folks or doing activities #and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled #from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company #but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time #it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays #and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone #and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion #its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion #and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face #it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone #just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love #and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist #and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol #i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy #i don't know what id do without it #magenta is my safe word for venting #thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void #getting shit off my chest at 4am #i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee

[todayisafridaynight]

I hope this isn't weird but earlier I was thinking about how much good artists do in the world, and so many artists don't recognize it. You bring a lot of joy to a lot of people. I've gotten a few commissions from you at this point, and every time I look at them I get so happy because, man, there was someone who took time to create something for me (I know I payed, but still!) Beyond that, I have seen when you draw little doodles just because people inspire you to eith their asks. You practiced your skill and you use it to make others happy and that's so valuable. You contribute a lot to this world just by bringing people's moods up, and I hope you recognize that. You're pretty awesome :)

t thank yuou ,....

#fave #snap chats #HIDING BEING THE BIGGEST SAPPIEST SAPPY SAP IN THE TAGS #PLEAAASSSEE BRO I CAN'T ALMOST BE CRYIN AT 11AM THATS SO EMBARRASSINGGGG #BUT REAL THANK YOU SO MUCHH 😭😭 i say it a lot but i really cant stress how happy i get making other people happy #and thank you for commissioning me !! it's helped me out a lot so thank you for the support you've given me in the past :') #i hope i can continue to make you happy whether its through a future commission or the lil drawings i do everyday #i keep re reading this byyyyeeeeeee im a big ol blubbering BABY this is really sweet #i say a lot that i draw for myself and i do but i also have you guys as motivation to get better #cause sometimes i just wanna hang up a drawing or idea but then i just think like 'there'll be at least ONE other person who'd like this' #and if i can make one other person happy then i'm more than glad to put in the extra work and get that pay off #so i have to thank you guys a whole lot too for giving me motivation to draw everyday and help nurture that passion #cause sure i love drawing and i love the things i draw but it's always nice to h ave other people cheering for you too #it's nice that i can get other people interested in the stuff i like.. #didnt really get that growing up so im glad i can have that with yall now and have fun :] #so again thank yall so much for bein lovelies and chattin with me and leaving tags and just supporting me #CANNOT stress how much it means to me so again. Thank You. i hope me drawins can show a fraction of my gratitude

[xamaxenta]

I think anyone who sees this post is very handsome and pretty and beautiful

#hello gorgeous people :3 #i hope you know i think youre pretty bc you are #and bc youre epic #heres some cool people choccy milk or whatever it is gen z says these days #i cant love myself but i can love everyone else lets goooo!!!! #i like how this is the clickbaitiest shit ive ever written #no im not fishing for likes or reblogs i just wanted to express my gratitude #and tell people online something nice superficially in a sense bc its online but #i really mean it no such thing as an ugly person imo #physically the whole personality thing is totally different story