#its my bday Saturday and i wanna do something fun

[thegraveyardjohnsongrey]

July 2022

7.2.22 + What i thought was going to be a stressful and ratchet and anticlimactic day, turned out to be such a fun, relaxing, and picture-esque day. 

UGH SUCH A FXKING FUN DAY - LET THIS BE A REMINDER THAT IT IS **ALWAYS** WORTH PLANNING FOR WHAT YOU WANT - EVEN IF ITS  NOT 100% OF THE EXPECTATION YOU HAD

WHAT YOU GAIN WILL ALWAYS BE MORE THAN IF YOU HADNT 

+ We love Capt Larry  + THE WAVES AND THE SUN AND EVERYTHING WAS SO PERFECT. we literally got everything we wanted out of today and THAT WAS — to look good, feel good, get some damn good pictures and a have a good time  + Suddenly i love living in FL!!!!!!! + i initially felt guilty about spending all the $$$ that i did prior, but now i’m like - BTCH it was worth it in the end! i had a good azz time and your bday season SHOULD be an exception to all of the rules you apply yourself to year-around. for once, ITS ALL ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT AND HAVING THE CHANCE TO FEEL HOW YOU WANNA FEEL-! - which is fun & free !!!!!!!!!!!!! 

+ shoutout to the $12 shirt from H&M - we love fast fashion , sorry Arotn 

+ “I found another one”  - kuya high with underwater ricks 

+ Australian-Pinoy: “Why did your car go off?” - “Hindi Car Alarm”

7.6.22

5:30-8:00pm at Barnes Noble 

spent a little over 2 hours going over and studying my LSAT Writing notes. The goal is to take it this Saturday at Longlee’s apartment, while they’re away. I figured that the more i let this drag in, the more i will not focus on my personal statement. and bitch next month is august, which means september is already around the corner! 

i’m proud of how much i’m getting back into it and how i’m absorbing everything, considering the time constraints. it’s like… i feel like i’m def capable of writing a good, solid essa6y. but i given how my practice went yesterday, i just feel like my skill level is… a little too unpredictable rn. Lol. Like i feel like i could do really well… or really not. Positive  though? is that i’ve done this before, and most importantly, NALA was just like this. so I def have an inkling or two of how to do this. not only the How, but also how to operate best. 

i know it’s my tendency to put all this weight and pressure one thing in order to do well, but honestly. i have to learn how to operate under pressure. like — im thinking, if i got to law school, am i goingto let every single exam traumatize me? am i going to need the perfect conditions, and a  near death experience everytime i have an exam, just to pass?        i would hope not. so … while it’s good that i’m focused and assessing my capabilities  i also want ti practice being confident and allowing my skills to show for the time i’ve put into practices. I want to show MYSELF that i’ve improved! 

i  have to stop scaring myself into doing well.. as we all know, pressure never bodes well for me,and i want to stop letting anxiety be my leader and my teacher 

cramming works for me; and that’s ok

i feel like lately i’m in a season where .. i’ve stopped demonizing how i function and instead flow with what i need and how i need it. i’ve learned to really listen to my body this year and to not guilt trip myself for how i need things. it’s actually turned out great for me, and i end up being really productive and satisfied whenever i listen to my body and follow what i want do. it leaves me really full when it comes to logging out of that world & getting back into other parts of my life - like family and friends and other errands 

Wanda Pop from Calvin 

7.7.22

2018 was forreal my best LIFE hunny 

Gap Year Parties, Ireland, GA Trip, SFC Conference, NOLA, EDC — HONEY SHE WAS BOOKED in 2018.

maybe i enjoyed it so much that i forgot all about it lol 

OR THE POST-TRAUMA FROM 2019/2020 RUINED AND REBOOTED ME IDC

+ LSAT Writing Affirmation: make do with what ya got 

Sometimes the prompt won’t give you what you were expecting for or prepared for, so make something out of what you got. use what you have to make your perspective. (like your application!) lol

7.12.22

“stop minimizing your experience.”

i guess i just feel that i have to reiterate bc i know everyone has problems and that im not special and that everyone has something going on

“yeah but You don’t have to be special to have pain.”  

7.18.22

I got one! :D

the way my ego has grown to new heights LOL

the way i have also had the yuck and the ick from people who hav e swiped on me LOL 

it’s fun to live in the “what if”

it’s fun to live in the “what could”

It is fun to live in the fantasy

but i also know that eventually i’ll have to pull back and come back to a more safe and measured reality 

i’m just tired of being good. being restrained. and having to carry that weight in the silence ya know?

it’s just nice to live in the excitement and adrenaline a little, ya know? 

(nvm that that’s the kind of mentality that i had w Sfn)

7.23.22

+ Fun day with the fam; laughing and making everything into a beautiful and funny moment 

+ that DOSEs of good feelings and hype?? messages from matches, S comment on story, texts from C

+ Cute filipino family; saw the LOML 

+ Gas Ups: the person staring at me at lockers

+ “I wanna go on THAT ride” - dude while i troll hula’d

and once i realized that… “huh. maybe i don’t have to do that. maybe I don’t have to force myself into an image of perfection that was born from a life and a routine that isn’t mine anymore”

+ I deserve that. i deserve to live a life that is exciting and new & worthy of improvement. 

+ Newfound confidence in who I am and what i should be allowed to do - like everyone else

+ Despite everything, i still believe in a God that loves and exists in the Catholic “way” - but is that image of God is solely and uniquely Catholic? 

It’s no surprise that i view love. I was taught that to really love means to really suffer.

+ Anger is a vehicle; not the destination. It should never be our intention to express “I’m angry” and stop at that. It should always be “i want to solve it this way so that i or we don’t have to arrive at anger to get to the end of it” 

+ “Dojt upset me when i’m upset” - Ninag & Caden in a nutshell 

Monster: “I’ve crossed the Line. And i’ll let God decide”

7.27.22

my tan

my arms kinda look good???? i literally don’t know how or why but . i’ll take it lol

“i deserve to be someone’s partner” - as i look in the mirror and work out and focus on me 

7.29.22

+ Getting all my work done at work 

+ Cleaning my room and changing my sheets (finally!)

+ I just wanna say - that i am the most awkward. or at least that’s the vibe i get whenever i talk to these dooz bc HUNNYYY . i am NOT getting the results i wannnt! lmfao 

like i mean 

It’s all good and handy and fun. but i’ve also realized that i’m quite addicted to that feeling - that jolt of excitement when i open Hge and i see that someone has matched with me and like. waiting on the anticipation of them (or me) saying hi. 

like maaaaan. it’s literally such a pandora’s box LOL

and i KNOW this’ll get me hurt one way it the other. and i DO know that i need to keep a leveled head 

i experienced my first ghostings this week and man. that didn’t feel as great. haha. i hate feeling frantic and unsure about how much or how less i should talk. and stressing over how to curate my message /‘s wondering if my energy is too much before they’ve even gotten to know me and idk. 

i know it should be good news. bc the right person for me would be excited at and attracted to the vibe i give off (assuming i’m being authentic). but still. it’s like mourning the death of the idea of that person and what could have been (man, i’m just too attached to be casual dater LOL( 

it just didn’t work out. i kinda 

i didn’t realize that this was all so casual. but i mean i guess that’s really good that i learn that. $/$/ 

maybe it’s for the best. because. like even IF i got the result i wanted the most 

i mean hey, denni got her dream of moving ti NY, and she’s apparently already moving back to FL soon.

like is it the experience of doing it that is what’s most important? or is it the longevity of it? is THAT the substance ? 

i don’t know. 

all my life i had followed fhe “avoid fleeting experiences and fleeting moments- and i died

and now that i see the plenty of other chaotic and downright shtty people get into happy and stable relationships im like 

you can’t help but think to yourself - what about me? 

where did 

y’all got to act shtty and have your learning moments and me? ….. i just get… a thumbs up? a stamp of approval from Heaven? 

i don’t know  7.30.22 Hinge is CANCELED

I cannot spend my life waiting on this stupid app for someone to be any grain of interesting or caring or mature or FUCKING WORTH IT

LIKE IM NOT DOING IT LMFAO

waiting on that app for excitement is literally an extension of waiting on life to begin, just placed elsewhere 

i’m not doing it 

LIFE HERE I COME 

[namuneulbo]

week twenty-one

*insert twenty one pilots reference here*

this week was gorg mentally. i havent had this good of a week mental health-wise in agessss. also, ive realized im more emotional than usual. its not just this week but all the time. its a permanent thing now? i cry easily when im by myself. like ill cry multiple times watching queendom for some reason? also finished heartstopper and i was SOBBING. full blown cry sesh. i cried so hard. i would show u a pic but i have more self-respect than that. im so glad its getting two more seasons bc its easily become one of my fav shows. im still watching saiki k but im on season 3 now.

it was either on monday or tuesday but after school i went to the thrift store to look for cds for ms bday. i didnt find anything she listens to but theyve said they wanted a varied collection in their car so ppl can find something they like no matter what genre they like. i got a hole cd and a jimi hendrix cd, both bc the packaging was cute.

i met up w l on wednesday. culture club has ended for now and itll be back next fall (i think??). l came to my place and we did,,,, nothing? both our social batteries were low.

on thursday i had a class in the studio and it was more doable than usual and afterwards i went to buy snacks for fridays sleepover. since our friend group consists of six ppl (me, a, e, l, m, t) we had a rainbow themed (like a pride flag) thingy so i had to buy green snacks. i got a cucumber, chips and some dips and apparently chips were not as unique as i though since three others had chips as well TT

friday! sleepover! i thought id get drunk for the first time but i didnt. i didnt like any of the alcoholic drinks we had TT i suppose its good that i dont like the taste of alcohol? i got to try some from t though and i like that drink quite a lot but it tasted just like a less sweet soda lol

it was a fun sleepover though, at least most parts of it and i was surprisingly unbothered by them being there when i woke up. i tend to just wanna be alone after a sleepover but i was fine w them being there in the morning. i also think i felt more relaxed since we slept at my place. i slept w l, t slept on the couch and e and m slept together ofc. a didnt stay for the night.

l was the last to leave on saturday and they helped me clean up and we listened to some rnb/indie and it was all good. i did hw and then took a ,,,,,, 3 hour break. i made myself a frozen mozzarella pizza and watched the latest ep of queendom. it was the fantastic queendom stages and omg... theyre all so good and i might be biased but WJSNS STAGE!!!!!! pantomime???? omg?????? we got pantomime???? also the stage was insane!1!!!1!!!!

sunday. i woke up at 6.50 am. me and l were meeting up at the studio at 10 am although l was the time optimist she always is and arrived 20 mins late anyways xx i was supposed to record vocals for my school project and we were just about to do so when some thingy stopped working and the music wouldnt stop playing for the speakers... bc u know obviously i cant have the track playing from the speakers when im recording vocals in the same room but for some reason it just wouldnt just go to my headphones? so i ended up showing l wjsns pantomime stage and then we played around w autotune just for funsies. after our booked time was over we went to town and they bought us fries w ketchup and béarnaise <2 ty l! we also saw ls idol sitting on a bench so we sneakily sat a few benches away so we could watch him and his friends.

it was a good week.

sotw: lm.c - ghost heart

#diary #tumblrdiary #namuneulbo

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Anyone have any ideas for dolls or creatures to make out of clay?

#its my bday Saturday and i wanna do something fun #but ill probably just do a bunch of lab work tbh... le sigh #maybe ill buy some fancy fun food tomorrow. maybe. well see #anyway. i just wanna make some little critter. as a treat #unrelated

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

#personal rant #confession

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: [A suitable amount of time before Ali's bday which was a Friday apparently so vday was Saturday, even less excuse not to get home to Dublin girl so] Bea: So Bea: What's the plan for Ali's birthday? Fraze: They're going camping Fraze: Fuck knows where Fraze: But we ain't invited, sorry to say, Red Bea: Fair enough Bea: Bit old for family functions now Fraze: Speaking purely for the two of us, yeah? Bea: Probably Bea: though if you want jelly and ice cream for YOUR 19th, better let 'em know now, like Fraze: 'Course Fraze: I'll pass that on with your regards, like Fraze: Kill every bird with the one stone Bea: Depends how much postage is on her gift Bea: but yeah Bea: guess so Fraze: Knowing you, it ain't a shit load Bea: Charming Fraze: It is Fraze: I'm saying you've thought it through Bea: How could I Bea: I was expecting to have to come back Fraze: That don't mean you ain't also considered the alternative Bea: You might have too much faith in my planning abilities at present Fraze: You reckon? Bea: I'm just saying, my mental faculties have been otherwise engaged Bea: no need to tell the Birthday princess that, not that I think it would be all that surprising, or that she's not used to it 💔 Fraze: Well, if you're that burned out, visiting anywhere my ma's in the vicinity of, ain't gonna be the wisest decision you've ever made Bea: I'm not burnt out Bea: just busy Fraze: You always keep yourself busy, if that's what you meant you wouldn't have felt the need to mention it Bea: Well that's exactly what I meant Bea: my mind has been more floor plans than party, that's all Fraze: If you say so, babe Bea: What Fraze: You know what Bea: Why I asked Bea: Are you burnt out? Fraze: You asked to put off what you actually wanna ask me, but here we fucking go Fraze: Cheers for that Bea: I asked 'cos I need to know what I'm doing, simple as Bea: go talk to the college counselor Fraze: I ain't the one complaining about my work-life balance Bea: Good for you then Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I'll leave you to get on before you have a breakdown then Bea: Nice Fraze: Helping you with your homework, nice as the offer sounds, would fuck everything up Fraze: What else is there? Bea: No, you don't need to reiterate Bea: I heard you the first time Fraze: That's a first Bea: You'd have to say something for me to hear it Fraze: You'd have to properly ask me something for me to properly answer it Bea: Clearly not Bea: you've managed fine Fraze: Come on Bea: Why would I subject myself to further embarrassment? Bea: not for your amusement, nice as the offer sounds Fraze: You've gone this far Fraze: I know you don't give a fuck about Ali's birthday Fraze: What do you want, Bea? Bea: Its obligation Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: It's an excuse Bea: You're so fucking arrogant Fraze: Do you reckon that's news to me or are you that desperate to play for time, like? Bea: I reckon you don't get told nearly enough Fraze: By your own admission, you've got enough on your plate Fraze: Give it a rest, babe Bea: Piss off Bea: I never said that nor would I Bea: I keep busy Fraze: Whatever Bea: Sounds about right Bea: Enjoy yourself then Fraze: One of us has to Fraze: And it clearly ain't gonna be you Bea: Fuck you, Fraze Fraze: Yeah, sounds about right Bea: What do you expect me to say Bea: to any of that Fraze: Hit me with a few more excuses, why the fuck not Bea: I'm not the one that needs them Bea: But don't feel the need to give me any more Fraze: I ain't giving you any, end of Fraze: Don't worry about it Bea: That's what you'd like to think, fine Fraze: That's how it is, whether you like it or not Bea: Let's not pretend you've given any consideration to what I would like or not Fraze: We don't need to pretend 'cause I have and I do Bea: Jesus Bea: You're ridiculous Fraze: You wish Fraze: You'll need a better excuse to hide behind if you wanna ignore me Bea: I'm not the one with all the plans Fraze: It ain't my fault you're fully booked til your breakdown's over and done with Bea: Would you stop Fraze: Ladies first Bea: Fuck off then Fraze: Fine Bea: Like I said, enjoy Fraze: Like I said, I will Bea: Great Bea: I really wanted to hear that Fraze: I know Bea: I know you're a dick Fraze: You never had a problem with it before Bea: Things are different now Bea: clearly Fraze: Yeah, there's that consideration to what you would like that you're trying to pretend I don't give you Bea: If you had any consideration you wouldn't stopped at least three hurtful digs ago Fraze: 'Cause it's that easy Fraze: Alright Bea: Why is it so hard for you Bea: That's an actual question, have at it Fraze: Why have you suddenly forgotten who the fuck I am? Fraze: Jesus Bea: I know who you are Bea: So sorry Fraze: Act like it then Bea: How dare you Fraze: Calling out your bullshit is hardly a daredevil move Fraze: What are you gonna throw at me from there? Bea: The bullshit is you thinking I have anything to be sorry for Bea: You be sorry then we can talk Fraze: Sorry for what? Fraze: Fuck you Bea: You seriously want to be that stupid? Bea: That's on you then Fraze: If you reckon you've got it in you to be that entitled over nothing after hanging around with one too many posh cunts, that's on you Bea: If you call telling me not to come back because you have plans I'd ruin if I did nothing Bea: then I don't know what to say to you anymore Bea: genuinely Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: How am I the stupid one? Fraze: You're having a convo all on your own Bea: No I'm not Bea: Its exactly what you said, never mind all that you've implied too Fraze: Yeah, you fucking are Fraze: I didn't say sod all about you coming back or not Bea: Yeah exactly Fraze: It ain't the same thing as a no Fraze: Don't act like it is Bea: Yeah 'cos bragging how much you're gonna be enjoying yourself is encouragement Bea: Like I said, I got the message Fraze: Like I said, don't be stupid Bea: Stop calling me stupid Fraze: I've told you so many times that no other girl compares Fraze: Come on Bea: Well that doesn't count for shit does it Fraze: Well it should Bea: Words are just that Fraze: I ain't getting on a plane for you to slam a door in my face Bea: You aren't getting on a plane Bea: who's got the excuses Fraze: Cheers for the echo Bea: There's only so much I can say Bea: and have, so Fraze: Do something then Fraze: Or let me Bea: Who's stopping you? Fraze: You and your busy schedule Fraze: I got the message too, like Bea: But I'm stupid and having my own conversation when I do it? Bea: Come on Fraze: I ain't putting any words in your mouth, babe Fraze: You said it Bea: You said all of that too Fraze: Don't twist it round Fraze: Making the most of not seeing you ain't the same as not wanting to see you Bea: Well you jumped to that being the outcome Fraze: Well you jumped down my throat the second I refused to jump through any bullshit hoops Fraze: I ain't gonna fucking beg Bea: You've forgot who I am then, have you? Bea: and I don't believe you don't know what you were saying no matter how you try and sell it Bea: you knew that would piss me off Fraze: And like I fucking said already, you deliberately started this convo lumping me in with Ali as another obligation Fraze: So fuck you Bea: That isn't what I was doing Fraze: Whatever you are well busy doing, go ahead Fraze: If you don't wanna make time for me then don't Bea: Like my work, like I fucking said Bea: why are you mad at me, I'm not the one with all the fun plans Fraze: I can't help you there, we covered that, babe Bea: Then there's no need to ask Fraze: Why are you mad at me for staying out of your way? Bea: For Christ's sake Bea: Why don't you want to see me? Fraze: I do Bea: Then do it Fraze: Alright Bea: Would a little enthusiasm kill or what Fraze: [confirmation of his speedily booked flight] Bea: Good Fraze: Yeah Bea: Where have you been? Fraze: How far back do you wanna go and keep tabs? Bea: Don't Fraze: I'm sorry Bea: No you aren't Bea: I was just asking Fraze: I am Bea: Are you gonna tell me how you've been or not then Fraze: I'm fine, like Bea: Cool Fraze: How are you? Bea: This is strange Bea: Just talk to me like normal Fraze: I've asked how you are before, ain't I? Bea: I don't know Bea: Didn't really need to before Fraze: 'Course I would've Bea: People who live together don't need to make small talk Fraze: Fair point Fraze: Are you gonna answer or what then? Bea: Just been having loads of breakdowns tah, spot on, like Fraze: Don't start Bea: You started that one, babe Bea: nothing to write home about though, obviously Fraze: You know I didn't mean it Bea: It's fine Bea: The post-Christmas workload is intense Fraze: Yeah but you can easily handle it Bea: 'Course Bea: didn't come here to slack off Fraze: Once a swot, 'course you're gonna be one always Bea: Hey Fraze: You wanted normal Bea: I do Bea: that's what swots are 'round here Bea: nothing special about that Fraze: No shit, they're all too soft to be anything else but 🤓 Bea: Nah, it's like Bea: anyone who had to work to be here, you have to keep up that level and act like its nothing Bea: but the ones who have had it all handed to 'em by mummy and daddy don't even care if they graduate with a third, long as they can say they went here Fraze: Do that then, not like it's your first time Bea: I am Bea: never mind Fraze: Nah, if you mind, I mind Fraze: Come on Bea: I don't know Bea: Obviously this is what I wanted Bea: want Fraze: That don't mean you have to want all of it every second Bea: But it kinda does Bea: there's no room to drop the ball Fraze: I'm not telling anyone or letting you Fraze: It's alright Bea: Is it? Bea: This is just the beginning Fraze: Trust me Bea: I must Fraze: All that faith you took the piss out of me having in you earlier, it's actually there Fraze: And for good reason Bea: I know Bea: I'm just letting everyone else's freakouts get to me, clearly Bea: but when you're here we don't have to talk about deadlines and word counts and all that boring bullshit Bea: just you and me Fraze: Exactly, forget 'em Fraze: Think about where I'm taking you for the Valentine's bullshit Bea: Am I using my imagination 'til you actually come up with a plan? 😏 Fraze: Unless you wanna use your imagination to contribute to the plan Bea: Not very romantic, is it Bea: Besides, I have my own plans to formulate Fraze: Fine Fraze: Leave it with me Bea: I missed you, you know Fraze: Yeah, 'course I do know Bea: 🙄 Fraze: I've missed every 🙄 I could've had off you, like Bea: That's more or less what you were meant to say Bea: I'll allow it Fraze: Cheers babe Bea: I figure you have enough you need to get right Bea: Let you have it Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: What's there that I can't handle? Bea: Hopefully nothing Bea: I wanna miss you more when you're gone Fraze: Uncross your fingers Fraze: You're gonna miss me loads Fraze: It's easily done Bea: We'll see, babe Fraze: Yeah Bea: How's everyone else anyway? Bea: Is my sister going camping? Fraze: Standard Fraze: Do you reckon Ali would let her stay at home? Fraze: Or that she'd wanna be anywhere but stitched to my sister's side? Bea: That'll be a laugh Bea: shame we're not invited really Bea: almost anyway Fraze: We could gatecrash if you're that gutted Bea: Nah Bea: her girlfriend will be there and she'll just try and flirt with you Fraze: Don't pretend you're bothered by her when we both know it's 'cause you don't wanna get leaves and shit in your hair Bea: Like we didn't used to spend all our time in parks and shit Bea: Not that princess Fraze: Like I ever left you without my coat to lie on if I couldn't put a (shed) roof over your head Fraze: Treated you as decent as the princess you ain't Bea: I never said you weren't chivalrous Fraze: You still ain't saying it Bea: You want me to tell you what a good boyfriend you were? Fraze: Nah, I wanna tell you I miss you too Bea: There you go Bea: I know, too Fraze: That don't mean I can't say it though Fraze: Or that I won't Fraze: Tell you and show you Bea: Good Bea: That's Bea: what I want too Fraze: Good Bea: Better finish this coursework now then Fraze: You gonna get pissed off if I offer to leave you to it this time? Bea: Not funny Fraze: Just as well it's a serious question then, yeah? Bea: Like you're seriously worried about pissing me off now Fraze: Now we're finally getting somewhere, I ain't trying to go back to where we were Bea: It's not like we've been actively avoiding each other Bea: is it? Fraze: 'Course not Bea: Right, just hectic Fraze: Exactly Bea: 'cos avoiding me would be a pointless thing to do Fraze: Pointless ain't the first word that springs to mind but yeah Bea: However you wanna say it Bea: don't, yeah Fraze: I won't Fraze: I can't Fraze: You know that Bea: 'Course Fraze: Don't add it to your list of stresses Bea: Considerate as always Fraze: Cheers for the recognition Bea: Take a bow if you're feeling it Fraze: I will Bea: Cute Fraze: Obviously Fraze: Gotta get in the Valentine's spirit or whatever Bea: I really felt that Bea: So convincing, boy Bea: Not expecting rose petals and a 300-word essay in a sickly sweet Hallmark card, don't stress Fraze: Good Fraze: You're getting me, as gifts go I reckon we're covered, like Fraze: With or without scattering rose petals every step I take Bea: Not disagreeing Bea: even though you're being pretty insufferable with it Fraze: What can I say? There's no posh cunts here looking down their nose at me or sticking it into my business in the name of self improvement Fraze: And even less nuns about trying to save me the old fashioned way Bea: Lucky, lucky you then, eh Fraze: Yeah Bea: Do you have reading week or do you need to go back? Fraze: Ours is at the beginning of March Bea: Ahh Bea: Oh well, I've actually got loads to do, lack of breakdowns aside Fraze: Fair enough Bea: Is your course that boring? Fraze: 'Course Fraze: Can't all be a laugh a minute like yours, babe Bea: What's your problem, like Fraze: I don't have a problem Bea: Well you could at least try and sound happy for me then Fraze: I am, you know that Bea: Yeah, in theory Fraze: And you know what it's like in practice Fraze: So what's your problem? Bea: You being moody about it don't help the situation Bea: all I'm saying Fraze: You being dramatic don't either Bea: fuck off dramatic Fraze: Whatever you wanna call it, like Bea: No, why are YOU calling it that? Fraze: 'Cause that's what I'd call your reaction to me not jumping for joy over the way things are Bea: For God's sake Fraze: Forget it Fraze: We've both got shit to do Bea: Fine Fraze: Well convincing, Red Fraze: See you soon then Bea: I'm not trying if you aren't Fraze: Fucking hell Fraze: Do you want blood? Bea: Don't act like I'm being unreasonable Fraze: Yeah, you're being proper level-headed about this Fraze: As per Bea: Well you're being proper boring Fraze: Says you, who ain't talked about fuck all but uni Bea: And you've got, what, to say, exactly? Fraze: Christ's sake Bea: This is why things are the way things are Fraze: It ain't my fault Bea: So it's mine Fraze: If you're gonna throw it about Fraze: Like you said, Cambs is what you want Bea: If that's how you feel Fraze: You know how I feel Bea: Now I do Bea: so there's no need for you to come Fraze: Bea, don't Bea: You don't Bea: This is what I want and what I'm doing Bea: if you can't handle that then don't Fraze: Come on, I won't get refunded for my fucking flight Bea: Not my problem now Bea: Go do something fun Fraze: Nah, it's all my fault and all my problem that you've fucked off to another country and I ain't ecstatic about it Bea: It ain't like I sprung that on you Bea: or I ain't letting you do whatever you want 'cos I know how not ecstatic you are about it Fraze: And it ain't like that matters Fraze: Or makes it any easier Bea: I'm not feeling sorry for you Fraze: Good Fraze: Fuck that Bea: Then stop expecting it Fraze: Stop putting all the blame onto me Bea: I'm blaming you for your part in it Fraze: And accusing me of not handling it Bea: No, sure, let's just pretend some more Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I'm doing my best Bea: Yeah, I know Bea: Me too Fraze: I know Bea: Well we have to do better Fraze: Give me a chance Bea: Opposed to what Bea: What do you think I'm going to do Fraze: Opposed to telling me not to come Bea: We can't even have a conversation Fraze: We'll do better Fraze: What else are we gonna do? Bea: I don't know Fraze: Trust me Bea: I do Bea: Its just Bea: Its not going to get any easier than this Fraze: But it's like I told you when we first got together, there's nothing we can't do, yeah? Bea: Yeah Fraze: It's hard but it ain't the hardest thing we've ever done Bea: Just don't forget that its worth it Fraze: I won't Bea: Swear Fraze: On what? Bea: Yourself Fraze: Alright, I swear on my life Bea: 'til I can get blood from you, it'll do Fraze: I love you Bea: I love you so much Fraze: Don't stop Fraze: It ain't gonna be like this forever Bea: I can't Fraze: Don't regret any of it Bea: Don't want easier and find someone else Fraze: I want you, I don't give a shit about anyone else Bea: You better not Fraze: Why would I? I told you then you're better and it's still true now Fraze: It'll be true forever Bea: Because its easier Bea: and I'm not there Fraze: It ain't easier Fraze: You know that Bea: I don't Bea: I don't need to hear about that Fraze: I'm not talking about that Bea: What then Fraze: I'm saying it's always gonna be harder to not be with you at all than whatever the bullshit alternative has to be for now Bea: As long as that stays true for both of us Bea: we'll be alright Fraze: Then we'll be alright Fraze: 'Cause I'd rather fucking die than try to stay away from you Bea: You don't have to Bea: I don't want you to, you know that Fraze: We ain't those kids anymore, we can't ever go back Fraze: It's too far Bea: Don't regret it Fraze: I don't have any regrets about us Fraze: Never have done Bea: Me either Bea: Its not easy but Bea: it's us Bea: there was never an alternative, like Fraze: Good Bea: You're mine Bea: end of Fraze: Yeah Fraze: No takebacks however old we get Bea: Okay, deal Bea: you've made me miss you Fraze: I ain't sorry Bea: You're coming so you don't have to be Bea: too much, anyway Fraze: You ain't gonna be either Bea: I already know but not mad about the reminder Fraze: I don't have to swear then Bea: It is very inconvenient that you aren't here right now though Bea: I miss that Fraze: Count to 100 and answer your phone Bea: 50 Fraze: 75 Bea: 60 but I'll start again Fraze: Alright

[lovelydeceitff]

Chapter 2

there ain’t nothing better than you, got me watching your every move

Shay

I woke up today as the most chipper person in the world. The day is finally here!! I made the dub club. 20 years old. 2 decades old. I swear when you say your she in decades it makes it sound like you way older than you really are. I got to sleep so late last night my phone was being blown up by my best friends, Kammy and Ashlee. The two of them alone had my phone lit. I’m pretty sure they were competing on who could tell me happy birthday the most within the first hour. Weirdos.

I’m super excited about today even though I won’t be doing anything, but I’m slightly sad because of the message I got from Keith this morning:

7:58am: HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL. I love you so so much. I’m pissed at myself for not being there with you today. I hate not bringing in these moments with you, but I promise when I get there we’re gonna celebrate. Me and you. I still have to give you your gifts.I love you again. Have fun today. Send me pictures.

I love him so much. The organization that gave Keith a scholarship to come to this school asked him to speak at their banquet and it so happens to be Saturday. He was going to just skip it and come be with me but I told him to handle his business. Even though I want him with me, we can always celebrate. We live 3 hours away from the school and he works Mon-Friday from 8am to 5pm so he can’t just come see me and then leave. He’ll be back when everyone else comes back, next Friday.

Keith swears he’s my sugar daddy. I sent him a picture of the pink fur Fenty slides, next thing you know he ordered them and sent them my way. They should be here tomorrow actually. He got me other stuff, but I won’t know until he gets here I guess.

I got out of bed after replying to my text messages and completed my morning routine. I decided to just put a grey jumpsuit, my pink adidas, and one of my jean jackets. Its gonna be hot out but I’m gonna be sitting in training until like 5pm and those rooms are cold af. I’m still cute, jacket or no jacket. I put on some lip gloss and some mascara. I threw my hair in a ponytail for the day, I really didn’t know what to do with it. I grabbed my things and met up with my coworkers so we can go the stupid training.

Once I got downstairs all 9 of my coworkers screamed happy birthday and damn near gave me a heart attack. They’re so great. I really didn’t expect any of them to remember. One of my favorite coworkers Maria gave me a chocolate cupcake and I swear I nearly hugged her to death, I love chocolate cupcakes. Maria is literally the sweetest girl ever I kid you not. She’d probably cry if I told her I hated chocolate. She’d be shitty because she just wanted to get me to smile. After all the birthday wishes we headed to training.

—– My phone was ringing all through the first leg of training. I been waiting for lunch all morning just to call people back. Lucky for me, today is a short day. We’re gonna be getting out of training at 3pm instead. The last presented had to reschedule.

I decided to call Keith back first being that I know his lunch break will be ending soon.

“Happy birthday to my favorite girl!” He answered.

“Thank you baby, how’s work?”

“Eh, work is work. Missing you so I’m not feeling it today. How’s your day going? You gonna do anything?” I told him I probably wasn’t and he told be not to be lame on my bday. We talked for the next 10 minutes then he had to head back to work. He’s right though, I should definitely figure out something to do.

I sat with the other staff members for lunch and we actually talked about things we should do to celebrate the birthday of myself and two other staff members. Our birthdays are around the same time. We decided to go to BDubbs and that’ was fine wit me cause Um… 60 cent wings plus broke college student sounds like a plan that works. ———–

Why is that when you look good and you post pictures on Snapchat, twitter or instagram your old niggas start to hit you up? I posted a flick on twitter, 10 minutes later my ex started texting me. Like what do you want? I hate having to remind these dudes that I’m a taken girl. Like you know. You just wanna keep pressing me.

Anyways, I just left BDubbs and it’s time to talk to daddy again before I go to sleep. He told me to call so.

“Baby remember when I told you that I’m waiting on everything to be finalized with the apartment And I might need a place to stay for a while? Well yea I’m gonna need to stay with you. Is that still okay?” He said.

“Yea. You’re lucky I have my own room. We just gotta figure out how to get you in the building all the time. You have to live in the building to key in now. Then changed the rules to the residents halls. If you don’t live here you can’t swipe in. We’ll figure it out. How long you gotta stay with me though?”

“I’m not sure I’m assuming 2 or 3 weeks.”

Three… weeks…. we have never lived together nor have we ever spent every day for three weeks together. Hopefully this works out cause that’s a long time for two people who have different living habits.

#chapter 2 #fanfiction #chris brown fanfic #keith powers fanfic #lovelydeceit #writing #fanfic #chapters

[skiasurveys]

#397

let’s start off with some basics. ayyyye. Okay What’s your name? Jen but i go by skia How old are you? 23 What’s your hair and eye color? Light brown hair and dark brown eyes How tall are you? 5′1  What’s your relationship status? Taken

Alright, enough of that. Let’s move on to the random shit.

What’s your favorite song? right now is Let me Live by Queen What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? Its about..from what i take, giving your all to someone who doesnt care, but takes it all. Givers vs takers. Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? Relate and i just love Queen  Have any pets? If so, what are they and what’s their names? 2 cats that are siamese named Archer and Misty Have you ever met your idol? My idol is dead. If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? What’s your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) Playstation or Nintendo Switch or older versions like Gamecube or N64 but those are so old lmao If you’re in college, what’s your major and why did you pick it? I am currently taking Office admin but thats just cus i needed to take something because I am good at this. I am going for social work next year hopefully. How’re you doing today? Really fucking anxious.

What color are your bedroom walls? Beige, I wish i could paint them but im renting. Describe your favorite shirt. I have a few but i really like my beatles tshirt just cus i can do a lot with it for style lol Use this space to tell someone off. What’s your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? Waste a money. I understand apple watches cus you can get text messages..but still a waste What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I dont have posters but I have art. How many times have you moved in your life? 4 times.

If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? I like being on my own now but I like my moms house. What’s your favorite color and why? anything pastel because theyre nice to look at.

Do you have a calendar? If so, what’s the theme? Not right now. Just use my phone. Have any famous person’s autographs? no Do you draw well? i think i do. I love drawing, i can improve for sure but from where i came from? way better. What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8. Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? Nothing, maybe laundry but its like 9:30 PM so nah hahah  If you’re in school/college, what’s your favorite subject and why? Currently not taking any courses atm. Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? cats. i like dogs but cats are cooler and dog ppl are annoying as fuck lol Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. Its in perspective of a dog watching his owner go through traumas (like death and losing custody of his child etc). Its really cute and interesting concept. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I have perfect vision. What do you think about horror movies? some are good or so bad. 

If you love them (I do), what’s your favorite? i dont care for them so...

Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I need to start shopping once i get paid lol Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? I do it online maybe but the sales arent usually that crazy. Have any mental illnesses? I have depression and a few anxiety disorders What’s your favorite word and why? Ive never rly had one. What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? My Laptop maybe. Did you buy that item yourself? No, my boyfriend bought it for me for my bday 

Where do you work and what is your postion? Too personal lol How often do you cuss? Toooo much. sometimes i just swear and i am like...chill

What type of car do you drive, if any? 2007 Pontiac G5 Are you happy with it? If no, what’s your dream car? She does well and takes me where i need and is reliable but I want a new one for sure, I want a Nissan Juke lol Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? I have a lot. Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, Tumblr, Pinterest, Facebook, snapchat...etc What is your favorite genre of music? I like all kinds, really. Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? we used to. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy with it? Yes. How long have you been with your significant other? 3 years and 7 months..damn. Do you like psychology? I do! I love the brain and how it works and how it can really fuck with you. What is something your state is popularly known for? I live in canada buuuuut, rednecks.

Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? Sometimes i do. Do you watch sports or do you think they’re overrated? I dont watch them.. What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? hmmm Youtubers lol Do you straighten your hair? Never  Ever dyed your hair a color that isn’t natural? (blue, pink, etc) I did a little bit of purple but not full head. How’s your relationship with your parents? its super healthy and i am so thankful for that. I can tell my mom anything and i know shes there for me. My dad died when I was a teenager but we were also very close too. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? Own apartment. What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? BILLS. Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? N/a Ever done drugs? weed and shrooms.

Tell me one of your worst habits. Nail biting. What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? Im not sure lol If you game, what type of headset do you use? I hardly use a headset but I wish I could afford razor.

What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? Acer Chromebook. What’s the thing that annoys you the most? Bad drivers. What brand of TV do you have? Haier or something  Are you excited for Christmas? (It’s December 1st today when I made this) Yeeees but whatever  Tell me about your favorite vacation you’ve taken. Back in 2015 I went to Disneyland and it was really exciting because ive been wanting to go there since I was a child. I had a lot of fun.

Tell me something cool about yourself. I have no idea, honestly. Did/do you get good grades in school/college? I try my hardest and sometimes I just dont well  What’s your ringtone on your phone? Just the basic one. What’s your favorite store to shop in? Depends on my mood. I like American Eagle If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? Pay off student loans, pay back my mom and I would for sure get myself a house. How long have you had a Bzoink account? I have had one for over a year now? But i dont hardly use it anymore because the surveys there are SO dated and boring questions.

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what’s your favorite attraction? Never even heard of that Do you own a Polaroid camera? not a real one. Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? Carpet  It’s a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Either working, or cleaning lol Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I dont have many but tbh I keep my circle tight. What’s your all time favorite movie and why? The Lion King. I just love disney movies. I grew up with it

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? 2 blankets and more if i need. What’s the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? This is Us and yes. Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? Netflix or any streaming tbh. Cable is so old. What is your dream job and why? Being an artist tbh. I just wanna create art Do you think you would be a good therapist? Maybe..but i am too mentally fucked up. What’s your favorite brand of clothing? again, it depends. I like american eagle, garage and H&M.

Did you like this survey? I did! some are boring and this one wasnt. lol

#Survey #Dec 2nd #I might start dating theswe #this was good

[suckitsurveys]

How do you dress when you’re not at work? Almost the same except I wear tank tops and shorts when it’s warm. And I guess some “nicer” tops and leggings when it’s cold. What is your favorite thing about yourself? I’m funny. Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing? It’s a shirt with the school I work for’s logo. What was the first thing you thought this morning? FUCK WHY. Who did you last say I love you to? My husband.

Are you wearing shorts? I wish. Ever had a boy best friend? Yeah, I do now. My husband and my friend Randal. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? When it’s my husband. Do your parents actually knock on your door before entering your room? When I lived at home, yes. Do you think sweat bands look hot on guys? Uh. Its never something I’ve thought of before. Have you ever thought a man over 40 was attractive? I only think men over 40 are attractive hahaha. Will Arnett, Paul Rudd, David Harbour. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? Everyone is taller than me. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? I am and I’m not. Depression is fun. Is there a song that every time you hear it, you think of someone? Of course. What can’t you wait for? The weekend. It’s only Monday save me. Though I MIGHT go to this drink-a-long thing on Wednesday. They are showing Wet Hot American Summer and made a drinking game of it. Are you ticklish? A little. Do you have a bad temper? Nah. It can get that way when I’m really irritated or hungry, tho. Lol. What brand of digital camera do you own? I don’t. Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York? Nope. Do you get drunk every weekend? Nope. What did you do today? I’m working and then going to a Cubs game. Are you listening to music right now? No. Your last ex died today, how would you feel? I probably wouldn’t even know tbh, unless someone thought to try to reach out to me. I have no connections with any of them anymore. Do you like maxi dresses? No. Do you worry about guys thinking you’re hot? Nope. Are you healthy? Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaahahhaahahhahaahahahhaahahhaahhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhahahaahhah good one. Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships? You do you boo. Did you wear sunglasses today? I will. If you straighten your hair, how long does it take? I don’t. Can anyone in your immediate family play the guitar? My father. And my sister, a little bit. I haven’t heard her play in a long time, though. Why were you last frustrated? Oh GOD Saturday has a fucking nightmare. Would you date someone 8 years older than you? I’m married. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes. Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to? Yes. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? I don’t do that. What do you want to get accomplished today/tonight? Eat everything I brought to work with me. I’ve been bad about skipping snacks and then getting SUPER fucking hungry and eating my weight in food for dinner. You’re single, right? Nope. Do you like the snow? I like looking at it from a nice cozy cabin. Other than that, FUCK THE SNOW. When was the last time you were told you were cute? Yesterday. Would you ever smile at a stranger? I do if I make eye contact. Do you need to go shopping for anything? I need new jeans and bras. And I need to buy my niece’s bday presents. How much have you changed in the last year or so? Dude I don’t know. Do you have a favourite name? What is it? They’re changing constantly. I’ve always loved Cecelia. And Alexander. Do you wrap up warm in the cold weather? Yes. If you could live anywhere, where would you choose? Why? Warm and beachy. But only if I can bring my family. Do you have any habits you’d like to break? Which? Eating everything in sight. Have you ever wished to be an internet celebrity? How about a ‘real’ one? I kinda have a secret fantasy where I’m an internet celebrity. Or at least semi interesting to people on IG or Tumblr. Have you kept any birthday cards from when you were younger? Yeah. Have you ever been kayaking? When I was little and didn’t need to do any of the work. Do you care overly about other people? It’s balanced. If you could have any animal as a pet, which would you choose? A bat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is your favourite piece of furniture you own? Our bed. Do you still live with your parents? No. Have you ever been told your aspirations are unrealistic? Yes, at one point in my life. Now, not so much. When were you last jealous? Are you a jealous person? I watched a video where fans were surprised by the cast of Stranger Things. I wanna hug David Harbour and Joe Keery dammit. :( Do you ever think about embarrassing moments and cringe? Yes. Do you believe you will never get over someone? I’ll never get over my mom passing. Do you watch scary movies on your own? Eh. I’m just not into them. What is your favourite family tradition? Taking a trip together every spring or summer.

#surveys

[solasulad]

November Update Mo’de.

November 9th I don’t even know what’s going on. I thought I wanted dick tbh. Like thought I was okay with fucking with him cause I didn’t feel anything for him. Turns out I play myself and etc you already know how this goes...

So I’ve been talking to mode on and off lately mostly weekdays for like 2 weeks we been texting. Was supposed to see him Sunday or something but said fuck it and he never replied back. So he says he has a phone issue okay I get it cause he downgraded to a iPhone 6. Kinda make sense but idk if I even wanna believe his phones been acting up since February.

So.. we had talks of plans on meeting up. Come Monday he’s been very friendly with me via text. Even when I give him half ass replies he takes it and says something else. Told me me missed me again, I said yah sure should’ve ghosted your ass he’s like why? I told him he’s like sorry we can chill this week. This week ended up turning into a w/e feeling tbh. Like I was horny mad horny i was even down to fuck him and not say anything either. Just go there fuck and leave nothing else. Maybe even end it the feeling was just trash tell him I moved on or something and that I want to focus on my self. Sound like a white bitch but it’s true. I really wanted to end it at some point. Everyone I know says he’s not worth it. Damn even my mom says he’s not worth it. He challenges my insecurities. He isn’t that good looking but he makes me feel like I’m just average at best.

Nov 20th So cont. he sends me a message on Tuesday asking about my bday and that I should let him know if anything changes. I said I would, then he finishes the text sentence for me with one word & I reply back like you finishing my sentences he’s like yah real one I’m like cringing rn he’s like boo I’m like don’t.

Lol^ but he never texts me affectionate stuff so that was a turn off since I was already tryna distance myself from that.

So come to Wednesday we still talk via text only** I was horny too 😭 so I messaged him asking if he was busy after work. Then replied back he’s with his homie.. asked me if tomorrow was okay I was like okay.

I just wanted some dick tbh nothing else maybe a little cuddle that’s all 😰

Come Thursday, we text during the morning was still replying late the other day. W/e but we did have plans to link up that night. - we link up Thursday night. He pulls up to tim hortons in my area and I get into his car. We’re just talking for like a bit suddenly out of nowhere my younger brother pulls up, him and his friend in my step dads car. I see him get out the car smoking a cigarette and just standing there.

I’m shook at this point. I lean back in mode’s car because I don’t want to be seen. I confused because I don’t wanna expose myself but I want to approach him and smack him across his head. So he goes into Tim hortons, mode tells me that I should go and just say I saw him pulling out of the drive way. Once he goes inside I quickly run in the store and approach him. I look at him and can tell he’s high. His eyes red, smells like shit & can’t even focus.

So I talk to him and tell him fix up. That’s not the kinda path he’s gonna wanna be on when he’s older.

Long story short, I told him go home and I’m see him there.

I leave the area call mo’de to link up again and he follows me to another spot near by. We talk for a bit I can’t even remember what cause it was two week ago. But we talked for a bit then started making out. He pulls up to another spot, we get in the back and he’s so horny. My intentions that night was to fuck. But the whole seeing my bro thing fucked me up. Like my mind wasn’t there. I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t fuck knowing what I saw. And he was really horny too. I recall him kissing my neck down to my breast and me feeling sad. Like I felt like crying. I even shed a tear but wiped it away. I was just looking at him rubbing his chin, and asking him if he missed me he’s like he does. But I ended that night. Told him I had to go, it was getting late he’s like what, come on Im super H’d. My whole Mode just changed man. Like I felt like crying, felt so bad and sad. Just wanted to be held nothing more. I realized it he can’t love me and that hurts. He can’t love me how I want him to love me. Made me even cry harder that night. So I left it as that. Messaged him later that night when I got home saying I was sorry & that shit just caught me off guard. Didn’t mean it. He’s like he understands. Texted him Friday morning also and then he said he could see me later on after work. I said that was cool, yah cause it’s Friday why not. So I ended up agreeing for 8:30 ish. My friend was buggin so I invited her over and went to the mall together to do a little outfit  shopping for Marisa’s bday. So... times getting closer and he’s not hitting me up. I message him at 9 and ask busy? He’s like yah i say it’s okkk. I leave it as that. From Friday to next week Thursday I never hear from him.  Whole week last week I was like when’s he gonna text me. Check for me? Send me snap? Nothing. Anyways I literally left it as it is, & see a text from him Thursday afternoon asking what’s up. I reply back and so we make plans to link again. He asks about my mtl plans and that’s a flop. Says he’s still going so I’m like lol have fun, he’s like why don’t you come. Awww he’s such a lair I love it. Like tell me to come with you and you gonna hurt my feelings. That’s what niggahs do.

November 22nd cont. He texted me Thursday we talk about the basic shit and kinda make plans to link up but the doesn’t happen. Friday night we say let’s met after work, okay bomb so it’s planned. I get home and have to deal with my older bro getting him a rental under my name. Smh so I’m running back and forth in traffic in the city with him. Let mo’de kno what’s going on. Text him he’s like it’s cool, after works still a go. I get back to the house around 8pm perfect timing. Tell Hoyo I’m about to step out for a bit then bam. He hits me with “his friend got into an accident this is his second accident in two weeks” damn I said. Alright.

Next morning he asked what I was up to I was busy dealing with family wedding planning that weekend so I wasn’t really checking for him like that. I send a text asking if he could visit me and he’s like yah around after the wedding and he’s like yah that’s okay. I’m at the wedding waiting for a text back from him kinda, cause it was an early wedding dinner. By 9:30 I was out that place back home. Didn’t want to stay home but I tried to see what he was up too. No reply back I just left it as that. Texts me in the morning Saturday now asking what I went when I texted him. Convo continued, it was kinda dry. But never really cared. Just wanted dick at that point but also was on my period :(..

He still messages me Monday and we agree to see each other after work. The time comes to see him and I’m already ready at this point. I’m home I leave without telling anyone just out the house Start the car and wait to text him.

We met around his ends a plaza parking lot. I arrived at the plaza around 8:10 maybe waited till 8:40 for this guy. So I was just in the car playing music crying going through emotions while waiting for him.

He comes, I get in his car and we drive off to the back of the plaza... I’m on my period so nothing could even happen. But he parks the car and we talk. We didn’t talk about my bday or the Mtl trip, we didn’t talk about us and how we wanna go from here, we didn’t talk about texts and how we waste each other time. Instead we talk about stupid shit that won’t even matter. I just called him names that whole night. Made fun of him jokingly but seriously. But I did kiss him when I got into the car at first.  

Woah, my train of thoughts everywhere. Shit probably doesn’t even make sense but I’m tryna sum it up. So we talked for a bit then made out. Jumped into the back seat to make out further. Took my jacket off and had him kissing all over me. His soft ass kisses, shit got intense cause I felt his boner through my pants and pad. I had him screaming, moaning telling me he’s coming don’t stop. My jaw got fucking tired but it ended he came so much cum holy. But to end that night, he told me to text when I get home, I told him hit me up if you wanna go out, aka niggah I’m tryna go out..

So fast forward next day Tuesday I’m still calling him names via text. Convo doesn’t really go anywhere but I wanna see him again 😔😔 I just wanna cudddle it’s so cold outside :(

Wednesday I tell him I wanna cuddle then says come then said I’m wild for leaving in the cold. W/e I just want dick and to cuddle not a big deal.

Don’t have plans with him to see him but once my period ends I’m gonna fuck.

- Friday November 23rd. 

So i thought. 

Thursday evening around 7pm the convo was going. Mostly all Tuesday and Wednesday was kinda sex talk. But thursday night he messages me asking if i was home told him yah he's like lucky I'm like nah i wanna be cuddled up with you.... That was around 7pm.. 

i don't get a text back until 9am friday morning aka tonight.. He messages me like so come through.. Im like damn. its a little to late now, then he follows up with a confusing ass convo talking about how he always fucks up things.. Im like L o L have a good weekend talk to you monday.. He's like where you going? I'm like dead at this point because nothing he's saying makes sense and is confusing as fuck. So i sent a text around 6 or 7pm once again and get no reply now its 11:30 just ending off the night. 

Well i know what we are and know we won't be anything more. I don't want a relationship no matter how much my tummy feels for it. 

I can't deal with that that type of fucked up ness in my life. 

Either you with me or you aren't. 

[amour-fo-u]

1-92 ;P

dang okay thank u

-

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

-nah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

-nope

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

-lol no

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

-a little 

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

-i have not

6. What are you excited for?

-getting paid lmaoooo

7. What happened tonight?

-uhhh i got some heels n i made my grocery list

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

-no

9. Is confidence cute?

-sometimes

10. What is the last beverage you had?

-cherry pepsi lmao

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

-lol none really 

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

-all of my jeans are skinnyyyyyyy!!!

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

-nothing probably tbh

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

-bills

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

-no lol

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

-yeah probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

-no one honestly lol 

18. The last time you felt broken?

-hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

19. Have you had sex today?

-nope

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

-yeah i’m too good for like 99% of the people in my life

21. Are you in a good mood?

-yes

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

-YEAH sharks are cool af

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

-nope!!!

24. What do you want right this second?

-a glass of water and some pineapple lmao 

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

-would probably just cry a bunch tbh

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

-yes

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

-definitely not 

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

-my dad made fun of my sister for something lmao

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

-yeaaaaah

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

-no def not

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

-no

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

-yes

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

-nope lol

34. Listening to?

-Homeward Bound by simon & garfunkel

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

-sometimes

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

-nope

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

-no

38. Who did you last call?

-my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

-my nephew!!!! lol

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

-i didn’t have any say in it lmao 

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

-my nephews bday party

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

-no

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

-yeah im always embarrassing

44. Do you tan in the nude?

-nah

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

-yes

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

-no

47. Who was the last person to call you?

-my dad lmao

48. Do you sing in the shower?

-oui

49. Do you dance in the car?

-i dance hard af

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

-i wish that would be cool af

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

-when i was 15 lol 

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

-yeah but i love it 

53. Is Christmas stressful?

-yes 

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

-i have eaten MANY 

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

-uhhhh idk i dont rlly like pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

-president, lawyer, astronaut, vet, teacher, i wanted to own an ice cream shop for animals as well lmao 

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

-im not sure

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

-of course 

59. Take a vitamin daily?

-no

60. Wear slippers?

-nope

61. Wear a bath robe?

-no

62. What do you wear to bed?

-t-shirt and undies

63. First concert?

-ADTR lmao 

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

-target babiiiie

65. Nike or Adidas?

-nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

-fritos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

-peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

-no idea lmao 

69. Ever take dance lessons?

-nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

-i’ve never thought of that. maybe a teacher?

71. Can you curl your tongue?

-yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

-almost but nope ;(

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

-yessss when my nephew smiled at me for the first time lol

74. What is your favorite book?

-i dunno!

75. Do you study better with or without music?

-it honestly depends, but usually with music

76. Regularly burn incense?

-yes

77. Ever been in love?

-yesss

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

-fuckin uhhhhh i dunno 

79. What was the last concert you saw?

-Fall Out Boy in 2015 lmao

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

-depends on the flavor of tea but i drink more hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?

-coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie?

-shortbread cookie

83. Can you swim well?

-not sure tbh 

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

-yes

85. Are you patient?

-i have been told that i am !!

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

-band

87. Ever won a contest?

-nope

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

-no

89. Which are better black or green olives?

-i’ve never had an olive before lol so idk

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

-if its what ya wanna do then go for it

91. Best room for a fireplace?

-living room or a library

92. Do you want to get married?

-lmao yes so so bad