#its not even monday or even morning yet and im dreading having to get out of bed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inskz · 4 years

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lucky charm - lee minho

pairing - lee minho x reader

genre - college!au, best friends to lovers, very cliche fluff (lucky girl starring lindsey lohan kinda vibes???)

words - 4k

note - this is just a cute little drabble i wrote while im still waiting for my covid test results to come back so that i can leave my room and see the sun again 🤪 pls be careful everybody take care of your health 💚 enjoy!!!

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“You must be kidding me,” you sigh when you see Minho’s hand has turned into a fist, his rock crushing miserably your scissors. Once again, you lost at rock, paper, scissors. And once again, you’re the one that is going to wash your best friend’s dishes that have piled up in is tiny kitchen sink throughout the week.

“Fuck that. This is so unfair,” you grumble, throwing the dishtowel in Minho’s stupid yet perfectly chiseled face.

You make a beeline for his bed, which is actually only a few steps away from the kitchen. Being a broke college student definitely doesn’t allow him to rent a spacious studio, let alone a two-room apartment. You throw yourself headfirst onto his uncomfortable mattress, whose springs always poke your back at night.

“Life is so unfair,” your friend mocks you, dragging out every vowel of his sentence dramatically.

No doubt, you would be strangling him at that very moment if you weren’t so busy playing dead, hoping he would forget about your pitiful existence.

But there is no way mister Lee Minho would miss out on an opportunity to have his gross plates cleaned by someone else. Grabbing onto your ankle, he drags you out of bed until you plop down on the dirty carpeted floor (Minho has the unfortunate tendency to procrastinate vacuuming too). At this point, you are fake crying, throwing a literal tantrum, like a 6 years old child would.

“Life is unfair!” you yell, your feet kicking in the air in pure anger.

At least it is to you. You can’t remember the last time you’ve been lucky. The only instance you got remotely close to it was when you found a four-leaf clover last summer. Well, only if you disregard the fact you stepped into dog poop on your way to picking it. Oh and that you were wearing brand new white Converse.

On the other hand, it seems like the boy has the whole crew of the Olympus gods on his side. Not one day goes by without his guardian angel manifesting its presence.

Minho has always been the lucky type. The type to get an extra nugget in his box of 10. To find 20 dollars bills on the ground. To win every single Instagram giveaway he participates to (and lord knows how much he likes participating to them).

But how can you be mad at him when he always happily shares his food with you, invites you to the restaurant without you even asking, and gives you his prizes, pretending he doesn’t need them? You don’t believe him when he says he see no use in a panda onesie or a waterproof bluetooth speaker. Deep down, you know it’s his way to silently love you.

But well, you can still blame him for occasionally taking advantage of your misfortune to make you do his dreaded house chores, just like right now.

Everyone thinks you are a bizarre duo. Even you can’t fathom how in hell you two became best friends, considering how awfully your first encounter went three years ago.

On orientation day, he asked you for the time, probably because his phone was dead (or maybe because he was dying to talk to you?)

Without hesitation, you lifted and rotated your wrist so that you could see your watch. Little did you remember; you never actually owned a watch and you were holding a fancy 7 dollars iced coffee, which, of course, did not have a lid on because plastic is bad for the environment (duh).

Minho couldn’t help but burst out in hysterical laughter when the whole drink spilled on your jeans. For your defense, you didn’t sleep at all the night before since you were terrified of being alone in your new dorm room the first few days (weird stuff happens all the time in dorms, okay?). If he had asked you for your name, you probably wouldn’t even have been able to tell him.

But Minho thought you were the funniest person on campus, and he really needed a clown like you to entertain him throughout his endless college semesters. That’s what he told you anyways. Not that he thought you were the cutest human being he had ever seen.

Why would he when you are the literal definition of a mess: always having toothpaste stains on your sweater, bags under your eyes, messy hair, tripping and falling, missing buses, breaking things, losing stuff.

Most of the time, you just forget your keys and Minho lets you crash at his place since he hasn’t got any roommate and he isn’t used to sleeping alone, especially without his cats. It surely isn’t because he loves waking up next to a very groggy but adorable you every single morning, no.

Minho manages to bring you back to the countertop despite your reluctance. Positioned behind you, his arms trapping your body to make sure you can’t run away from your duties, he dips your hands into the soapy water, and you can’t help but squirm at the touch of an unknown substance sticking to a plate that has probably been soaking here for a week. You despise doing the dishes and your friend knows it.

You hear him giggle in your ear while he is playing with your arms like you are some type of marionette, making you to take the sponge and squeeze dish soap onto it.

You’ve never been the kind to like proximity nor seemed to be Minho, but for some reason, you always end up glued to each other. You hate public displays of attention and pet names a little less when it comes from him. Or maybe you don’t hate it at all and actually crave it every single minute that goes by.

Before he has the time to come up with the Machiavellian idea to soak your pajamas in dirty water (because you know he would inevitably have at some point), you yank his hands off of you and start scrubbing angrily the dirty cups.

Minho stays behind you anyways, observing your every move, his chin propped up on your shoulder like a curious little bird. To be honest, his presence is kind of getting overwhelming. But whatever, it’s not like his slightest touch makes your heart warm up in comfort or that he smells like fresh linen drying out on the porch of a cottage house on a sunny Sunday morning or anything.

“You missed a spot. Here” he murmurs teasingly, his lips almost touching your earlobe, while he points at the handle of his hideous ‘world’s greatest dad’ mug Jisung gifted him last christmas.

You know he has noticed the way you shivered violently at the feeling of his breath tickling your skin because he starts snickering loudly.

“I swear to god if you don’t shut up and go seat on the couch, I’ll slap you so hard with this spatula you’ll regret you were even born,” you say, turning around suddenly to menace him with the plastic utensil.

Of course, he isn’t afraid one bit. Right now, you really wish you could make the smug, but oh so attractive, look on his face disappear.

“Alright, ma’am” he laughs, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’ll let you do your thing”. He lets himself fall onto his dingy couch.

You can hear him humming one of his favorite songs above the sound of the water running. It would probably be getting on your nerves if his voice wasn’t so pretty.

“Chan’s sick, so we’re not going to the gym tomorrow night. Do you wanna eat tacos? El Huero has even better deals than usual” he asks you, scrolling mindlessly through his phone.

“Aren’t the deals supposed to be on Tuesdays?” You frown and scrub a little harder the frying pan Minho has burnt the night before while trying to make chocolate chips pancakes for diner, because why eat savory food when you can have dessert for every meal, right? It is one of the few advantages of living without your parents you both truly enjoy.

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Tomorrow,” he yawns, probably exhausted after what you put him through last night. You forced him to catch up on the entire season of Love Island because you desperately needed someone to bitch with, and what better partner than Lee Minho.

You take a quick glance at him and see him stretching himself across the cushions like a cat. You always thought there was something feline about his features. While you’re drying the mugs with the dishtowel, your mind wanders uncontrollably, thinking about his piercing eyes, his delicate nose, the corners of his lips that curl up a little…

All of the sudden, your hands freeze. Minho is too immersed in TikToks to notice the stupor on your face. “Wait. Today is… Monday?” you stutter.

Alarmed by the sound of your voice, his eyes finally leave his phone’s screen to look up at you. “Yeah” he repeats slowly as if you are the dumbest person he has ever encountered.

And you truly are. You are pretty sure your heart has stopped beating. Minho’s “world’s greatest dad” mug you’re holding slips between your fingers and comes crashing on the floor with a deafening sound. The pieces are now scattered all around you, making you unable to make out what’s written on it anymore. Not a big loss, if you ask.

“Y/N, you know that’s my favorite mug!” he exclaims, leaping up from the couch. “I’m sure you did it on purpose,” he mutters while he’s trying to collect the small fragments, in vain.

But you’re too shocked at this very moment to pay attention to the glare your friend is giving you. To be honest, Minho has only two moods: glaring at you or teasing you.

“My interview,” you finally manage to say, and Minho’s eyes go wide as he realizes the critical situation you’re in.

You check the time on the microwave: 10:45. In 30 minutes, you’re supposed to be on the other side of town, being interrogated by boring businessmen that are going to decide whether or not you’ll be accepted for a paid internship in one of the most reputable music label of the country. Basically, decide whether you’ll live a happy and fulfilling life, working in the sector you’ve always dreamed of or end up miserable with a boring office job and a massive college debt.

“Holy shit,” Minho whispers. You can see a wave of panic washing across his face for a split second, but, as always, he manages to find his composure back immediately.

He has never been the kind to lose his cool, except to scold you when you forget the names of his cats and their respective coats’ color (which you unfortunately often did forget).

“What are you doing? Get dressed!” He tells you when he sees you’re still standing there dumbfounded in the kitchen, like the famous Robert Pattinson meme, wearing an oversize Kermit the frog shirt with a dozen holes in it and his favorite Adidas sweatpants you always stole from him.

“No, it’s too late. I can’t make it,” you mutter, your breath short. You’re paralyzed, as if there is a 20lbs rock sitting at the bottom of your stomach, pinning you to the ground.

This isn’t bad luck, you think. This is karma. This is what you get for skipping classes to watch telereality shows in your bed with your best friend and not even realizing it isn’t the weekend anymore.

“Miss me with that bullshit.” He runs to his closet and rummages through his drawers, throwing every piece of clothing that’s on his way to find an appropriate outfit that would fit you.

“You’re gonna go do this interview even if I have to drag you all the way there.” He pushes you into his bathroom since you still haven’t moved an inch.

You manage to brush your teeth and your hair, fighting through the nauseous feeling that is building up in your tummy.

When you come back to the living room, Minho has found dress pants and a sweater that might not look utterly ridiculous on you. He lets you change in a corner, while he runs around the room collecting all your essentials.

“You’re coming?” you ask him when you see he is already wearing his puffer jacket.

“You really think I’m gonna let you go all by yourself when you’re literally not even able to put your shoes on properly”. You are, indeed, struggling with your laces, as if your fingers are suddenly made out of butter.

Minho ties them up for you and you literally feel like he’s your babysitter. You know you’re gonna hear about this for months – what are you saying- years! But all you can think about at the moment though, is the fact that sneakers are definitely not appropriate for an interview.

He throws your warmest coat at you, grab his keys, and by some type of miracle, you’re both out to the door in less than 10 minutes.

You try to call the elevator, but Minho grabs your arm and leads you to the staircase. His hand never leaving yours, he runs down the stairs and you have no choice but to follow him as fast as you can.

You can’t count how many times you missed a step and fell at this particularly slippery spot, between the 5th and the 4th floor, but weirdly enough, it doesn’t happen today.

When you finally reach the ground floor, you exit the complex and Minho hops on his old and rusty bike that he had attached to nearest tree the night before.

“There’s no way I’m riding behind you on this death machine,” you laugh nervously. The memory of that one time Minho convinced you to seat into his bicycle basket (as if you could even realistically fit in it) and you both fell seconds after he started to pedal is coming back to your mind.

Sure, it was after a long night of drinking, you were both tipsy and it was the only way to get you home since you had spent all your uber money at the bar, but still! You’re pretty sure the bruise on your butt hasn’t disappeared to this day.

“Hurry up,” Minho groans, ignoring your complaint. You unwillingly seat on his flimsy pannier rack and wrap your arms around his torso.

You haven’t even left, yet you’re already holding onto his puffer jacket for dear life. A giggle escapes your friend’s mouth (which you think is very inappropriate in such a desperate situation) before he lifts his feet off the ground and starts pedaling.

You try to ignore the loud squeaking of the bicycle drive by shutting your eyes tighter and rehearsing your introduction you have prepared over and over in your head. No matter how hard you are trying, you can’t remember what you are supposed to say just after your age (which, as you can imagine, isn’t really far into your monologue).

By the way the wind is lashing your face, you can tell Minho has picked up the speed. His breathing is getting louder, his heartbeat faster and you can’t help but think you’re probably way too heavy for him to bike you around like that. Maybe he shouldn’t skip his gym sessions with Chan so often. Or maybe you shouldn’t have eaten the leftover pancakes for breakfast after all.

You find the courage to open your eyelids and are pleased to see you’re already halfway there, probably because every single one of the traffic lights you encounter is green, and your friend is going surprisingly fast. Is luck finally starting to smile upon you?

Your mad race comes to a halt when you reach the address of your interview. You hop off the bike and so does Minho who, by the way, is a panting mess. He’s barely able to catch his breath, strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, but he’s beaming at you when he realizes you’re just on time.

“Go” he gasps, pushing you in the direction of the building’s hall.

You walk up to the glass door but as your hands are about to push it, you pull a 180. Your friend sighs loudly, already knowing what’s coming next.

“Wait. No. I can’t do this. I’m not prepared” you tell him frantically. “I’m freaking out. I think I’m gonna pass out.” You are now walking in circles, mumbling incoherently.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Your heart is racing in your chest and your hands are getting clammy at the simple thought of failure. But guess what? You can’t fail if you don’t even try! One more good reason to just go back to bed and forget about your sad life for a good 8 hours, right?

“Y/N, you’re the most talented person I know, you’re gonna do just fine” Minho catches you in his arm to stop your endless pacing. You would probably think this gesture is endearing if it wasn’t just meant to make sure you couldn’t run for your life.

“No, I’m not. What if I throw up in front of everybody like that one time during the Romeo and Juliet musical?” You look up at him and his face is only inches away from yours. You’re sure you would be swooning at how beautiful he looks if you weren’t so terrified at this very moment.

“You were nine,” your best friend says, and you swear you have never heard him speak to you in such a sweet tone before. His voice is like honey and lavander but it doesn’t soothe you like it should.

You manage to break free from his embrace to crouch down, in an attempt to slow down your breathing. If only you had data left, you could be watching those short relaxing videos on your phone. They always work. But no, you had to spent it all on online games, just one week into the month. You really are beyond help.

“Y/N I know you’re scared, but if you miss out on this opportunity, you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life.” Minho is lowering himself so that you can hear him, even though you’re curled up in a ball.

“And I’m warning you, I won’t want to hear you complain about it,” he adds, this whole situation obviously starting to get on his nerves.

If you were him, you would have probably left a long time ago. But this isn’t your best friend’s way of behaving. You know he would never abandon you no matter how annoying you could be (and you could be very annoying sometimes). After all, he is always the one holding your hair while you puke in the toilets when you had a couple too many drinks.

It takes all your willpower to stand up but there is no other way, you have to do it. You can hear the time ticking dangerously in your mind, as if your brain had turned into a clock.

“You’re right. Slap me,” you say, looking at him straight in the eyes, dead serious.

“Wha -“

“Slap some sense into me. They do that in movies when people are panicking. It’s like throwing a bucket of cold water in someone’s face. But clearly we don’t have a bucket and we don’t have cold wa- “ you start blabbering.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not gonna slap you!” Your friend isn’t usually that horrified at the thought of beating your ass. In fact, he has felt the desire to rip your head off more than once, especially when you’d steal all the duvet at night, but at this moment he is just scared you might have actually lost your mind.

“Just fucking do it Minho!” you scream, your hands clenching the front of his grey hoodie he always looks so divine in.

Minho has never obeyed you, and this is not the day he is going to start.

He puts both of his hands on the sides of your face and crashes his lips onto yours.

You would be lying if you said you have never imagined the day your best friend would kiss you. It happens pretty much every single time you look at his cute pout a little too long. But one thing is certain, it isn’t like you pictured it to be at all.

You were convinced your heart would go so wild it would burst out of your chest and your head would spin so furiously you’d lose your balance. You thought your stomach would fill with butterflies to the brim and your whole body would be on fire.

But none of that is happening. On the contrary, every single muscle in your body relaxes under his touch. The way his soft mouth presses gently against yours makes you calmer, almost at peace amongst all this turmoil.

Minho is kissing all your tension and stress away and you catch yourself letting a sigh of relief escape your parted lips.

As if you have kissed him already hundreds of times in your past life, Minho feels like home. He’s a safe haven you can always take refuge in during troubled times. Ever since the day you met, he has never left your side.

When he breaks away from the kiss, you notice your breath isn’t so ragged and your mind isn’t so foggy anymore. You’re serene. His cold hands are still cupping your face, slightly squishing your cheeks, and you feel like an idiot sandwich for asking him to slap you seconds before.

“That can work too, I guess…” you mutter.

“You’re okay?” he asks, staring at you with the softest eyes you’ve ever seen.

You just nod, unable to say one more word, and sprint to the entrance, not wanting to make your interviewers wait any longer than they already have.

“Good luck!” You hear him yell just before the door closes behind you and you can’t help but grin from ear to ear.

- - - - -

Thirty minutes later, you finally step out of the fancy lobby to find a very bored Minho leaning against a tree, patiently waiting for you.

“You’re still here?”

“Of course, I am,” he says, his mouth full of croissant. He gives you a large iced coffee he probably went buying to kill time. Your lips unconsciously curl up into a smile when you notice it comes from the same chain that the one you spilled on your lap on the day you first met him.

“How did it go?” he asks you, sticking his buttery pastry into your mouth so that you can take a bite.

“Way better than I thought” you answer, right after you swallowed. You hate the way flakes would always get stuck between your teeth. But Minho is always there to warn you about it before anyone else notices, and even pick them for you if you can’t manage to, which, when you think about it, is kind of gross.

There are two things the boy knows about you: you’re the greatest pessimist on earth and you’d rather die than admit you were wrong (especially if it meant he was right). So for you to even say it wasn’t that bad, means it went phenomenal.

“I don’t want to say ‘I told you so’ but I told you so.” He smiles so wide you can barely see his eyes anymore. You have to look away, otherwise you know you might become instantly blinded by love.

“Maybe I could use some more of your luck” you mumble, staring at your shoes and kicking the red leaves that were surrounding your feet on this sunny autumn morning.

“Really? And what makes you think I’ll share it with you,” he teases you, leaning forward to incite you to look at him in the eyes.

“That.”

Your hand finds the back of his neck and pulls him in, in order to close the space that is still left between your mouths.

At first, Minho stiffens, taken aback by your bold move. But soon enough, he caves into your touch. He kisses you back fervently, like he means it.

His fingers entagle in your hair, his arm wraps around your waist and his chest presses against your body. You’re melting in his embrace, submerged by a wave of bliss which he alone seems to know the recipe.

It feels new, yet so familiar. Like it was supposed to happen, like it was written in the stars.

He tastes like croissant and Americano. Like fortune and fate.

And you can’t help but think you’re the luckiest person on earth.

Who cares about winning the lottery when Lee Minho is your lucky charm?

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sunnysidevans · 3 years

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 | 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 - 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Summary: Everyone goes through stages in life, meeting new people, falling in love, getting married , having children. Some people think it won’t happen to them but maybe fate hadn’t lead you in the right direction.

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST , TW: slight sexual harassment , fighting , language , 18+ reccomended

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

PREVIOUS STAGE | THE STAGES MASTERLIST

READERS POINT OF VIEW

THREE MONTHS AFTER FIRST DATE

The sound of your alarm woke you up on the cold Monday morning. You groaned as you rolled over and hit the off button on the top, with a sigh you sat up, rubbing your eyes with a yawn, as you were waking up you grabbed your phone from the charger on the bedside table, with a smile you opened the text from Chris “CHRIS: Good morning beautiful! I hope you have a great day today, call me maybe at lunch time?” you smiled as you read the text and sent him a quick reply which was soon interrupted by Zeus, ready for his morning run around the yard. After having a cup of coffee and making your way out of the shower and many clothes tossed to the side, you were finally ready to leave for the day. Making your way out the house you made sure to give Zeus a kiss to the head and a scratch behind the ears and making sure all toys were out from under any furniture, “okay buddy, I love you. Maybe you can have your buddy over later, maybeeee” you said with a smile as you shut the door behind you and make your way to your vehicle to start the dreaded Monday morning.

Driving into work you danced in your seat to the song playing on the radio, humming along softly you pulled into the parking garage attached to the office, being met with Casey. “You made it today” he smirked as he watched you get out of the vehicle, you turned to face him after fixing your skirt, tilting your head you sighed “what does that mean?” you asked as you grabbed your bags from the back seat as you watched him walk past you “well I mean, I figured you spent your weekend with your new boyfriend you can't stop raving about '' he said as the door closed behind him. You made your way into the office, with a sigh you set your things down at your desk and sat down, you couldn’t imagine why Casey made that comment? You shook your head, pushing the thoughts aside and got to work, grabbing all the papers you needed to start the day and get everything done for the long Monday. “(Y/L/N)!” Casey yelled from his office, you got up quickly making your way into the office, standing in front of him “yes?” you asked, adjusting the jacket you had on “well, if you aren’t too busy, I would like you to come to court with me today” he asked looking at you as you nodded quickly “no not at all! Of course I will!” you smiled excitedly, as he nodded “okay, good”.

Leaving the office, you completely lost track of the time,time hitting around 1 pm, having no clue you had just checked your phone with a text “CHRIS: I hope you’re okay, you didn’t text, just checking in, we gotta talk tonight” you sighed, shoving your phone in your purse, what could you possibly need to talk about? You sat in the back of the courtroom taking notes as Casey began the case, you followed along intently on the case as the intern you were but being first hand was exciting for you. “You did great!” you complimented Casey, following him out of the courtroom, holding both your notebook and bag you looked at him “I mean I knew the evidence was there but my god that was like an episode of Law and Order or something!” you laughed following to the car as he laughed in response “see kid, stick with me you can do that everyday of your life if you wanted” he grinned, holding the door open for you as you nodded in thank you before you felt a hand on your butt, gasping you turned and looked at him with shock on your face “What the hell!?” you turned away from him watching his face “oh don’t act like you didn’t like it” he shrugged as you looked over his face “Oh I did not ‘like it’” you put in quotes “I for sure did not appreciate that at all! You are my boss, what the hell” you shook your head, tossing his things in the passenger seat “oh like your boyfriend doesn’t mind, you clearly haven’t gotten much” he rolled his eyes in response to you, you scoffed turning back to him “I will be going back to the office alone, and do not be surprised if i switch attorneys” you slammed the car door behind you walking away quickly.

Making it back to the office you walked inside quickly, ignoring the many glances from the other women in the office, making your way to your desk you grabbed your things quickly, as Nina made her way to your desk with a whisper “honey..” she whispered looking at you picking up your things. You turned to her with a slight sniffle “yeah?” you asked looking at her “are you okay? Oh honey” she whispered, giving you a hug, no one in the office had a clue that your own mentor groped you in a courthouse parking garage. You gave her a quick hug back as you whispered a soft goodbye and made your way out of the office and to your car. Once you made it to your car you sat back and cried softly, the tears streaming down your cheeks as your cheeks stained from your so called waterproof mascara. Starting the car you made your way home, sniffles and sighs the whole way, pulling into the driveway you sighed, grabbing your car keys and purse making your way inside. You made it inside and within seconds Zeus was beside you jumping up on your legs, you crouched down petting behind his ears and giving him a much needed hug, with a huff he rested his head on your shoulder.

After a few hours of sitting in your own pity on the couch with zeus you decided it was time to get off the couch and make something to eat. As you were standing in the kitchen you were scrolling through your phone, attempting to find a recipe or something to slightly interest you in making something for dinner, as you shouldn’t order takeout but it was in the cards. You looked through a couple food blogs before coming across a tweet on your feed “OMG CHRIS IS IN LONDON OMG” you read the tweet a few times before continuing your investigation into the tweet. Taking the phone with you, you let Zeus back in from outside as you read through the tweets while you leaned against the door. You looked around with a scoff and pushed your hair back, you couldn’t be mad he was a grown man, but like london? You grabbed the phone quickly before dialing chris’s number quickly as you paced around the kitchen in the sweats and sweatshirt you borrowed from chris’s closet. You pulled the sleeves over your hands as you bit on your nails, waiting for the phone to pick up.

After a few short minutes the phone line clicked,signaling he had picked up and with a groan followed by “hello?” you sighed “chris” you snapped, probably louder than you should’ve as you expected him to be just waking up or sleeping from the time zones, “oh hey” he sighed again as you heard him adjusting in the bed “so uh, what did you want to talk about?” you asked as you thought logically, maybe it was a slip, maybe he didn’t mean to not tell you. “Oh I don’t remember now babe” he yawned loudly on the other end of the phone as you bit your lip “was it I don’t know… maybe the fact your in fucking london?!” you snapped over the phone as you looked around the kitchen, cringing at the fact you raised your voice at him, you heard the sigh as he sat up “oh yeah” he sighed “i’m so sorry I got on a flight and made it our here, it happened so fast I’m really sorry” you could hear the tiredness in his voice as he spoke, you felt horrible “okay but as your so called girlfriend you should’ve told me chris” you sighed pushing your hair back again. He sighed “yeah probably” he sighed as you groaned “yeah probably?” you mocked him over the phone as you sighed again “chris its fucking london! We had fucking plans this weekend!” you groaned “you could’ve even sent me a fucking text but no I find out my boyfriend is in fucking london over a god damn tweet” you yelled, zeus’s ears perked up at the raise of your voice “well maybe if my girlfriend” chris put emphases on the word “returned my phone calls and my texts we wouldn’t be in this mess now would we?” he sassed back. You laughed over the phone “you do realize I don’t sit and make movies right? I don’t have time to be accessible to my phone at your beckon call chris!” you yelled back as you could hear him adjust in the bed with a laugh “that's rich, but yet you're mad that I didn’t answer the phone and tell you i was in london?” he yelled back “seriously (Y/N) !” he finished with a sigh “you are upset im in london”. You shook your head knowing he couldn’t see it “No! I’m mad I didn’t even get a text that you were leaving the fucking count-” a knock interuptted your yelling as you sighed with a laugh as you heard him get out of bed. “Hold on” he said over the phone as he went to answer the door, you heard the door open and a “Hey Chris!”, a voice awfully femanine for being a buddy. You laughed and shook your head, ending the phone call there, you probably shouldn’t have ended on bad terms with the fight, was it dumb? Maybe. You sighed, starting to sob as you slid down and sat on the kitchen floor, the emotions of the day adding up for the day, flowing, you didn’t know what was going to happen with your life anymore, career or love wise.

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans fic #chris evans x you #chris evans angst #christopher evans #christopher robert evans #chris evans x y/n #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fandom

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ccelinewritess · 4 years

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the distance between us

pairing- draco malfoy x reader

word count- 9.7k

summary- the first time draco uses the muggle post system, it goes so terribly wrong, and a letter falls into the hands of a girl who was never supposed to see it, a muggle at that.

warnings- curse words, ptsd, anxiety/ panic attacks, depression mention of death, murder, blood and burns aswell as insomia, seperation anxiety (?) and my grammar.if these may trigger you, i suggested not reading.

a/n- this took me a while to get out, sry abt that. the reader was set to live in a canadian town called kelowna, british columbia. it takes place in readers grade 11/12 and dracos 6/7 year. i hope it’s not to self inserted, and you guys can enjoy and relate to it. big thank you to @dracodear for the help on this, love you! also thanks to everyone who left owl name suggestions, all were awesome and i ended up going with @winnsmills suggestion ‘noctua’ ! tumblrs been acting weird, so i hope it lets me post the whole thing. letters are in italics. also please note, this is off the movies timeline! i tried to fit in as many details as possible but some didn’t make it.

the town was widespread. wineries and mountains everywhere, the okanagan lake splitting it down the middle, reconnecting the cities halves by a bridge. little snow and tons of rain. jeep wranglers in every colour roaring around into unholy hours of the night, bustling with life yet all to lonely at times. but hey, that’s kelowna for you.

rain was running down the windows of y/ns most boring class, last period biology. she knew she should be paying attention. she had a high gpa to maintain, and couldn’t afford to fail another class besides french. the last five minutes of blabbering ended after what felt like a year.

‘you are dismissed, ill see you all monday, have a good weekend’ and with that everyone rose, heading to the parking lot as fast as possible in an attemp to dodge traffic. despite pouring rain, the air was hot, and on the ride home y/ns mind raced over every single assignment she had to complete over the next two days, while her hands tapped the steering wheel.

‘english essay, math review, history paper, business management graph’ she muttered under her breath. the town was busy, many students often blew off class to go shopping, or hit a movie, or smoke weed, the possibilities were endless. her house was cool compared to outside, and empty. no one was home, not that it was a surprise to the girl, people weren’t usually home, siblings gone to university, and parents working absurd amounts.

something caught her eye on the counter, an envelope, an ordinary seeming one, but absolutely covered in small pictured stamps with ‘england’ underneath each one. eighteen of them, all different. she knew shouldn’t open it, so she didn’t. at first. but it was irresistible. there was a return address written in the smallest writing she’d ever seen. wogshell, no, wiltshire? she took it to her room, and locked the door before ripping it open. she didn’t want the one time she had something intresting going on to be interrupted by whoever might show up.

her mouth fell open at every line of the same scroll. who was snape? why was this draco boy sending him a letter? he didn’t need his help to kill who? what the fuck was an unbreakable vow and why shouldn’t snape sign it? why was his mum going to see snape? who was the dark lord and why did he pick draco for a task? what kind of name is dumbledore?

what she already knew was confirmed- this letter was most definetly not for her. but newly- she opened a letter from a potential murderer or maybe it was a prank, a sick prank if it was one.

so instead she crafted up quite the response, whoever wrote this was either hysterical or in distress, and needed some sort of company- she thought, atleast.

it had been thirteen days, why wasn’t the letter back yet? the owl still couldn’t fly even about the house without damaging itself further. maybe using the muggle post system was a mistake. but better have it land into the hands of a muggle, who would likely throw it out, than a wizard who would know a death eater would soon be wondering around hogwarts.

as if on que, the door bell rang and echoed through the empty manor. on the porch sat an envelope, with only one stamp, his name in the middle and another he didn’t recognize in the corner. shit, this couldn’t be good. his eye caught the stamp. canada? fuck, this was supposed to go to cokeworth not bloody canada. no one was home so he opened it right there in the foyer.

hello, draco.

i am not snape- nor do i know who snape is. i am also very unfimilar with some of the vocabulary you used. dark lord? unbreakable vow? you seem to have quite the situation going on, if i read correctly. im not exactly stupid, but i do know that this letter was most definitely not supposed to be in my possession. i didn’t know who to send it to, id send it back to you, but you probably don’t want a copy of your own letter. i also know you likely have enough on your plate, but if you’d like someone to talk to im only half a world away, have no sort of schedule and am a good listener, well reader in this case. good luck with whatever task you’ve mentioned. p.s. you had about seventeen stamps to many, first time sending a letter? unfortunate fate, huh ? what kind of name is snape and what the heck is a dumbledore? i suppose it’s none of my business, knowing you likely won’t respond, but if you do i wrote my address on the front. have a good day/ night/ whatever time it is wherever you are.

y/n l/n

tears were welling in dracos eyes, he was floored, in a good and bad way. his task was already going downhill. the letter he sent snape had fallen into the hands of a muggle, who did not throw the letter away, but responded. and snape was likely going to bine himself into the task through the unbreakable vow, which draco was more than able to complete. he wouldn’t have been chosen if he wasn’t, right?

not only had she responded, she offered him help, well distant company, to a stranger who obviously had quite a few problems and she clearly had no regard for her own safety. he couldn’t tell her about the wizarding world. not that he could tell her about anything, she could be lying. he had a task to focus on, he couldn’t write her back.

and that was true- at the time. he had no intent of writing the girl back. and yet he found himself reading the 201 words over and over, running his hands across the paper, expecting them to fade away as he wiped. counting and recounting. he surely couldn’t talk to any of the twats at hogwarts, maybe a stranger could help numb the pain. and as long as he didn’t tell anyone- she couldn’t get hurt, she was to far.

draco was packed for hogwarts, the response at the bottom of the trunk, underneath his clothes. he’d just have to get to the damn school, then he could write all he wanted- without his parents knowledge or ridicule. his mind jumbled together what he was going to say while his friends rambled on. the train pulled up to the castle after dreadful hours and he could barely sit still during the opening feast. his thoughts did falter though, when dumbledore gave his speech, he felt guilty- the shame of his family weighing on his shoulders. he looked around, all his classmates staring in adoration at a man who would be dead ten months from now, and they were sitting in the same room as his killer.

the singular room was nice, he knew it wasn’t for lounge, but for plots of death.

before he began he started making promises to himself. if i get behind on the plan ill won’t write, if snape notices anything about it, ill stop. the list went on and on.

he couldn’t put his pen down, the words continued to fly out the end, was he oversharing?

dear y/n

my deepest apologies that my last letter found it’s way to you. im sure you didn’t expect whatever you may have perceived from it. honestly, i don’t know how it arrived all the way over there. im almost positive you have better things to do than listen to my problems, and i know you had no control over the fact it arrived, but i ask you to please not share this information with anyone. i am unsure if i will take up your offer of amity, if you were serious that is. im at school now, so if you’d like to respond, not that you have to- you can send letters back with my owl, it’ll be faster (and i won’t have to worry about stamps- thanks for the tip by the way)

draco malfoy

and with that noctua was off into the night, and he could only hope that it would make it to her.

droll was running down y/ns chin and she was caught in a dream. suddenly a vigorous tapping on the window pulled her into consciousness, the sight of owl knocking her backwards in a scare. a crash sounded, if the tapping didn’t wake anyone up, that surely did. she almost considered just trying to ignore it, until she noticed a letter tied to its neck and reluctantly opened the window. she’d never seen an owl in real life before, but was aware from school that they weren’t exactly the kindest of creatures. this one just perched on the window while she removed the new enevelope, no stamps in sight. just a neatly printed address, and his in the corner.

from the new letter she learned even more- this wasn’t a prank, draco was a real person, was still in school, and whatever the first misplaced letter contained was true. he had some sort of task and didnt want help, but that was all. so with what she could, she wrote another response. it took an hour and she wasn’t exactly sure what she had written by mid morning.

draco

you’d be quite suprised actually, it gets lonely over here. i still haven’t exactly deciphered your original note, so if you would like to help me understand i think i’d be ready. and no worries about me, my lips are sealed. what is an unbreakable vow, im curious? you go to boarding school? and owls, really? what the hell is up with that? im pretty sure it’s illegal to own one here, but we are countries away, so perhaps it’s different all the way over there. send whatever you want. i do not- by the way- have anything better to do in the slightest.

y/n

he continued to write throughout the month of september, which bled into october before he knew it. he was avoiding questions about the task, just wanting someone to talk to. it wasn’t easy, she was curious, which draco couldn’t exactly be mad at her for that since he continued to write her, accepting the distant friendship that was forming.

he was learning a lot about her aswell. besides french, which he informed her he spoke fluently numerous times, she was a very good student. she was single, he didn’t remember how that came up but made a note in his mind- he couldn’t date her, nor did he know enough about her to be properly involved.

she read a lot of books, sappy romances mostly, couldn’t cook anything deemed edible by anyone, and her favourite colour was green, he smirked when reading that for the first time. she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her future, just not a doctor like her parents wanted.

y/n was sitting in english as her teacher reviewed about univeristy application requirements. only next year they would be getting accepted and denied from their dream schools. she’d spent years dreaming of it, university, and yet somehow a boy half way around the was racing through her mind. she felt horrible about it, the small crush. it was incredibly selfish, falling for a boy with so much going on, he certainly didn’t need her as anything more than a friend to talk to, but he was good with his words, and making her feel important too. her dismissal came and so did a classmate, approaching confident and cocky.

‘hey, l/n’ he said, a smirk on his face

‘oh, uh hey, will’

‘what are doing tonight?’ her mind went blank, any excuse, come on, say something

‘i have plans’ wow real specific, great job, y/n

‘like what’

‘fish funeral, real important stuff, my family is just devastated’ her voice was clearly sarcastic and that was all before she walked right out. no she didn’t exactly have plans, but waiting for dracos owl provided much more company than any date could have. the sight of dracos owl flying towards the pre-opened window was somewhat relieving, she didn’t know why, just the fact that he had not failed yet, and was still out there was nice. she hadn’t had this much company. since last year at least, when her supposed best friend started ghosting her because of some petty shit.

thankfully noctua ad gotten quite good at being discreet when delivering the letters. of all the things on y/ns junior year bucket list, explaining to her parents that she had befriended a british boy with an owl who flyed into her room while her neighbours had a clear view, wasn’t one. she also began keeping a bowl of water under her bed for the owl to drink when it arrived, knowing it couldn’t have been easy travelling back and forth.

y/n

im not fully sure you want to know the depth, yet you seem to want me to corrupt you with my villain with a task baggage. i suppose it couldn’t hurt if i told you about the unbreakable vow. it’s like a promise or a bond, but if you break it then you die. if you can stomach that i may be able to tell you more. how far away do you reckon we are?

draco

draco wasn’t falling behind too far, but his first attemp had failed, and panic attacks were taking up most his time. he never had any, at least not this bad until this year. at least once a day he would start sweating, no matter how cold he was, unable to control his breathing or tears, feeling like the walls were caving in upon him.

that is, besides writing y/n as much as he could. apparently she was being honest, she had no schedule of any sort besides going to school. he hated to say, but he was becoming attached, he didn’t exactly know how either, but everytime he recieved a letter a small weight was lifted from his shoulders, even just when he read it.

noctua was doing the weekly, almost daily round at breakfast with the other owls and draco watched with anticipation as a letter dropped on his lap and owl on his shoulder. he tried to conceal the letter into his robes but pansy had taken matters into her own hands. likely jealous that she’d spent collectively around six hours with him the whole year, and he never talked to her like he used to.

‘ou draco whats this’ twirling the envelope between her hands. the letter had no name, no stamp, only a small heart drawing in the corner.

‘hands off parkinson’ he said while taking the letter back. ‘a letter from my mother, if you must know’ he said knowing that neither his mother or father had written him anything, despite having all the time to do so.

he got up and left the second he was done, not wanting to draw snapes suspicion about who could possibly be more important than working on this task.

he rushed to his room, desperate for more of her words. he tried to picture her voice in his head, but had to remind himself she wasn’t british nor was she from southern america.

draco,

so you just die if you break the promise? intresting. it’s not as hard to stomach as you seem to think, very unique tradition i suppose. you are not a villain draco, you haven’t told me much about it but your to good of a person to have picked any of this for yourself. i calculated when we you were home, seven thousand three hundred something, i don’t know where your fancy boarding school where you have owls for pets is, so it may be further. im ready whenever you are.

y/n

her letter was relieving for him aswell, even in the slightest it helped, but she deserved some sort of answer for helping him take his mind off the task for a couple minutes. he could tell if she wasn’t scared off already, this would do it.

y/n

if you are sure, here it is. dumbledore is my headmaster, the dark lord is a very powerful wizard, and snape is my professor. if i don’t kill dumbledore before july, he will kill me and my family, if i can’t complete the task, snape will kill him under terms of an unbreakable vow. im not a very good villain that’s for sure, my first attemp failed, and my classmate is out cold. i understand if you dont want to write to me anymore, just don’t tell anyone about this, please.

dm.

the only words to describe the feeling that overwhelmed her senses as she read were devastation and shock. tears pooled in her eyes as she tried to imagine herself with that much responsibility to wildhold until july. another detail that caught her eye, wizard? what did he mean by wizard? is that the word for dictator in england? certainly he wasn’t talking about the wizards she read about in storybooks as a child. her hand shook slightly and she debated mentioning it.

draco

you’re silly if you think i’d stop writing you. you need company now more than ever. please don’t hold things back from your letters, you deserve someone to talk to. that is quite the situation, im sorry if i pushed you, you do have enough on your shoulders and i want to help you as much as i can. i hate to ask, but you mentioned ‘wizards’ and i am a bit confused.

all my love

initially, draco went into shock. he knew he was probably oversharing, but didn’t expect to slip up in that way. he begrudgingly admitted; knowing that if this went badly he would likely be banished from the wizarding world, which didn’t seem like such a horrible punishment to him anymore. and yet she was fascinated, by the coins he sent her, the subjects he learned- which she compared to her own much less exciting ones, and everything he told her about it. he could now talk to her about much more, since both his secrets were now out in the open to her. he told her about the about the houses, and they both agreed she would probably be in hufflepuff, well he thought so, her kind and accepting nature, and she didn’t know enough to disagree. and for the first time in the long time he was seeing things differently, completely diminishing the rude behaviour he often displayed towards the house.

she even sent him a picture, the first time he ever saw her face. a large smile spread across her beautiful features, she seemed to be laughing. eyes glistening in the sun even prettier than he could have imagined. he slept with it under his pillow, and could stare at the still image for hours. no it didn’t move around, but he couldnt care less. he only had one picture of himself in his possession and he was young, about four. she was facinated by the moving image, his blonde hair and attitude shining right through. he would owl his mother for a more recent one, but didn’t want to explain why.

the letters were helping him, but the task wasn’t advancing. his second attempt had failed, he was caught sneaking into slughorns party, and harry was onto him. they were also causing him doubt. say they did get the cabinet fixed, he couldn’t see himself killing dumbledore anymore, the more he talked to her he realized he couldn’t be a killer, as cold as he was to some people, but he had to, didnt he?

most importantly every letter she sent gave him a sense of hope. that the second this is over he could move. away from voldemort, and potter, his parents even, england in whole. perhaps not to canada, but it could be a change, half way across the world with the girl who was helping him stay alive through his letters. he just needed to stay alive long enough too see her.

the seasons changed around draco, but his room stayed the same. hot from mysterious potions, for himself and some for dumbledore, he had not had much hope after the wine, though. it was lonely, not that he’d like y/n here, he’d much rather be there, all the way across the world.

may came in a blur, and finals were creeping up. one week y/n sat at her desk, every night, waiting for a letter that didn’t come. on the fifth letterless day she cried. not exactly knowing why, it wasn’t her that had much of a reason to cry, but dracos company had filled her lonely life up with light of its own, leaving it darker than it was before she saw the first letter. she was silly to be so attached and silly to expect him to reciprocate the feelings she had proclaimed in the last one she sent, and should have expected him to stop eventually. so she continued on with school, finding it a bit easier to concentrate now that a draco sized whole was missing from her brain, and her heart aswell.

the next week, though, a letter came, very appreciated by y/n as the whole other universe, british boy forgetting thing wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

y/n

im sorry for not writing, the classmate i mentioned all those months ago woke from the curse, and the potter twat hexed me with a spell id never heard of before. i would have tried to contact with you but i couldn’t exactly trust what my brain was planning on writing, and the cuts are still a bit sore. the cabinets fixed, but even if everything works out okay i won’t be writing very much at all. i’ll be home in july, but the manor will be infested with death eaters and i can’t let you get hurt. thank you for everything l/n.

draco

it stung a little, knowing that the empty feeling the girl just experienced would be more frequent, he didn’t mention anything about what she had said, and that this could be the last time she ever heard from him if he didn’t kill dumbledore. in hindsight, practically telling her she loved him in a letter wasn’t what he needed, she knew that.

he left out the fact that he the spell put a him in a huge emotinal draught. he was exhausted constantly, crying even more than before. the cuts were sore, so he wasn’t holding everything back.

the last month of school came and went all to fast for dracos liking, and death eaters now roamed around the castle, causing havoc where ever they could. his trunk had been shurken so small it looked like a small muggle toy he put into his pocket easily. the dark mark that was stretched across his left arm was now hanging in the gray sky, and the headmaster was no where to be seen. he paced anxiously around a vacant corridor until he heard a pop in the astronomy tower. he didn’t think people could apparate into hogwarts, it would have made his job much easier.

‘harry, get snape, i need snape now’ he seemed exhausted, maybe this wouldn’t be as hard

‘sir im going to sit you down okay, and then ill go get madam pomf-‘

‘severus, harry, I need severus now, go get him and talk to no one else’ he said in a shallow yet somewhat urgent and angry tone.

draco waited for footsteps to disappear, before whipping the door open with his wand already ready.

‘oh hello, draco, nice to see you on this fine evening’ he said nonchalantly, leaning his weight against the wall.

‘EXPELLIARMUS’ draco boomed, successfully disarming the man without counter attempts before glancing around to see a second broom

‘who else is here?’ he said sounding confident but feeling the opposite

‘i could ask you the same question, acting alone are you? you don’t seem supported’

‘no, there are death eaters in your school tonight, and i got them here’ he snarked ‘they’ll be up, any minute now, their fighting down below. i’ve got a job to do’

‘well done boy, if you don’t mind me asking a few questions, before you get on with it, im very intrested’ was he kidding? he knew draco was about to kill him right? wanting to stall, and not fully wanting to kill him he nodded his head yes.

‘you seem scared to act until they join you

‘im not scared, you should be scared’ he snarled, unable to contain the fear in his voice any longer any longer

‘oh draco’ he sighed ‘while we wait for your friends arrive, care to explain how you smuggled them in here? i never imagined it possible, especially not by a student’

‘i had to mend the broken cabinet that no ones used for years, there’s another one in borgin and burkes. montague got stuck in told everyone stories about it, how he could sometimes hear what was going on in the shop and sometimes hear hogwarts like a passage, and i was the only one who discovered what it meant. not even borgin, not you either, i did it right under your nose, you didn’t realize anything’ he said

‘you are right, i didn’t know that. i do- on the other hand, know that you aren’t a killer’

he raised his wand a little higher, feeling wheezy and as though his legs would give in any second

‘how you know that, I’ve done despicable things, you wouldn’t even be able to fathom’

it was dumbledore’s time to pause, glancing up at the sky and looking around the room before continuing

‘draco i know you almost killed katie bell and ron weasley. you’ve been trying to kill me all year, forgive me for saying this, but they’ve been very feeble attempts. to be honest ive wondered wheather your heart has truly been in it’

‘it has, and if you knew why didnt you stop me’

‘snape has been watching over you on my orders’

‘ it’s not on your orders, he promised my mother-‘

‘ofcourse he would tell you that, but it happens to be that i trust professor snape’

‘your losing it then, he’s a double agent, he isn’t working for you- he’s been trying to get in on the action all year, helping me and all. doesn’t matter now- he probably doesn’t even know they are here yet, he will wake up tomorrow and no longer be the dark lords favourite, he will be nothing compare to me’ confidence was building within him

‘very gratifying, we all like being recognized for our hard work, but, draco?im standing here wandless and weak, unable to defend myself, and you have not made any move to kill me, dont blame me for believing you will not, but let’s discuss your options’

‘my options’ he laughed ‘im standing here with a wand, about to kill you’

‘oh dear boy, if you were going to kill me you would have when you disarmed me, not stayed for a little chat’

‘i haven’t got any options, don’t you understand, i have to kill you, or he will kill me’

‘okay, if you don’t want to join the order with your mother where we could protect you, i only have one more question’

‘better hurry, theyre on their way’ he almost laughed which was quickly replaced when Dumbledore said his next words.

‘who is y/n l/n’ at that a tear fell down dracos face, and he lowered his wand almost completely

‘i-i don’t know who that is, odd l-last words’ he stuttered

‘draco dont play dumb now, not after we discovered you are very intelligent. we left some of the security measures from last year that Umbridge enabled, and I couldn’t help but notice hundreds of letters flowing to and from her. i looked into student files, ilvermornies too, nothing, id never heard the name, a muggle i presumed. but of all the things, that had me the most confused. i couldn’t figure out why you would be contacting her, so i did some meddling’

‘WHAT DID YOU DO’

‘fiesty all the sudden, are you? i felt bad after opening this, it seemed very personal, and i probably should given it too you sooner, but i was a bit preoccupied double checking my drinks and all’ dumbledore said handing him the letter.

draco

how is the cabinet coming? it’s raining even more here than usual, all day and night. and don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. you are just a kid, you shouldn’t be forced to be a hero. you are protecting so many people right now, but i don’t need any. you have given my life enough light in the last few months than i ever recall, and im so thankful that letter came to me. i wish you were here with me right now, but i know you can’t be, so just stay alive, okay?

y/n

more tears fell, he hated being so weak at the mention of her, crying before he completed the blessing his father and bellatrix considered the task to be.

‘she’s right, draco, you deserve another chance’

he was speechless, and could tell Dumbledore knew he found his weakness.

‘i always pictured you and pansy, never in a million years imagined you to be in a relationship with a muggle’

‘no matter who does it, your about to be killed, and im not here to discuss my love life am i?’

‘so you do love her?’ before draco could even think he heard a door open and raised his wand, hiding the letter faster than he had ever moved.

‘shut up, they will kill her’ he said quietly and desperately

in walked fenrir greyback, yaxley, and bellatrix. they made banter of their own, but her words replayed. he couldn’t do it.

‘go on draco’ his aunt whispered into his ear, making him shiver.

‘DO IT, DO IT BOY’ she yelled, in a high pitched and annoying voice

he felt a strong arm over his chest, pushing him aside, and he saw the whoosh of snapes robes and an already pleading dumbledore

‘severus, please’

‘AVADA KEDAVRA’ snape shouted, a green flash producing from the end of his wand, hitting the old man square in the chest. draco rushed over to the edge, watching him fall. it was a long way down.

the rain had sudsided, sunlight leaking into her room during the day. watching the sky at night, failing to find constellations he described many times to her. her wardrobe was mostly untouched, remaining in pyjamas most of the week. the odd time she did leave, she saw her old friends walking and laughing out her car window. eating and socializing felt like a chore, and she hadn’t communicated with the boy since may. he could be dead, she didn’t know. there was no death on the ‘muggle’ news, and draco wasn’t on the top wanted list, not that he likely would be on the television all the way over here. he could be fine, in wiltshire, going to dinner parties and holding balls. or maybe, he too, was sitting in his room staring at the ceiling for days on end. she had now hung the picture of a young draco by her desk, not needing to worry about anyone seeing. her siblings were once again home, but out living their lives so much that it still felt like they were gone. for the first time she noticed his scroll on the back.

‘i was four when this was taken i believe, my hair is very similar, i was quite sassy, im sure that shows without explanation.’ she blushed while reading, it was true. his hands were on his hips whipping his head around.

every day was a surprise around malfoy manor. not the kind of surprise draco liked. not the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when he read y/ns letters, those were replaced by a pit as they were summoned around the large table in the dining room. the first one he attended was horrible, watching his muggle studies teacher being hung above their heads, pleading for the help of severus as she died. he bit his tongue in an attempt to avoid raging about about every comment surrounding muggle culture. each one tore his heart, as he imagined the girl all those kilometres away, the girl he had no contact with, but he looked at her picture as much as possible, and hoped one day he could make her smile again like she did in the image.

senior year was here, and y/n schedule picked up once again. her timetable was full, maybe it was best, a distraction, after a whole summer of thinking alone in her room. draco was on her mind at night, no matter how hard she tried to forget. she’d made friends with her creative promotions partner, logan. he was certainly not intrested in her in anyway besides friends, but company after all this time was enjoyable, just in the hour of class

draco had little privacy, with death eaters in every hallway, conversing with eachother. wherever he went someone was there, until he finally got sick of it and began going to the garden bench. with a book, sometimes, giving some of the sappy love stories y/n mentioned a try or even the poetry books she sent with noctua awhile back, they were okay, but his heart hurt at the feeling of relation in every line. he could only read one or two poems at a time, without tears forming in his green orbs.

sometimes he went with a pen and a notebook. he wrote about everything. the smell of the plants around him, the feeling in his chest when the dark lord called for a meeting. most of the notebook, though, was filled with poems of his own. and letters he had no intention of sending for her own safety. she wasn’t in harms way, though, other followers were preoccupied with ruining weddings and other things they considered fun. he blabbered on for pages, about how he missed seeing noctua fluttering towards him at breakfast. how he rereads the letter that dumbledore gave him the night he died. how she listened to him rant on and on, giving her support no matter how evil he felt. how he found love where it wasn’t supposed to be.

snow was falling once again, he had to dress in layers, making it hard to write often, the plants started dying as cold settled over and his mother no longer babied him like she used to before the death eaters began inhabiting the mansion. he couldn’t keep himself company any longer and gave into the pressure he put on himself. as long as they were careful, she’d be in no destruction- he prayed as he wrote what seemed to be an appropriate response after all this time.

like it had been decades, she flinched at the noise of the owl on the window, carrying a much larger scroll that he’d ever sent before, some parts scratched out and written above. his writing was much less tidy than she remembered, like the letters on the page were anxious for her reaction.

love,

after all this time, im sorry you are just now hearing from me. you have ever single right to be annoyed with me, after you listened to me for months, helping me emotionally in ways i never be able to repay you for. you do not need to forgive me, or write me back. i just wanted to keep you safe. but i needed to tell you everything before it might actually be to late. you’ve probably moved on and forgotten about me, like you should, but i guess im saying that i am alive. i didn’t kill him either. snape did. i thought i was going to be able to, but he started talking about you. he gave me a letter from you that he had already opened, the words repeated in my head over and over. you talked about how i deserved another chance, and how you wish I’d was there with you. right before he died he asked me if i loved you. i knew the answer but didn’t have time to say it. ive read your poetry books, they aren’t as bad as i once thought, i can’t read to many at once. i try to forget what dumbledore said that night, and that night altogether. but one day i read ‘that’s how you know you love someone, i guess. when you cant experience anything without wishing the other person was there to see it too.’ when i sit in the garden i imagine you smelling the flowers, myself picking one and putting it behind your ear. when i go on walks i imagine your hand in mine. youre in my dreams. my never ending thought. i remember the way i felt when we started talking a lot, and how I felt when we didn’t get a chance. you listened to me when no one else offered. not even my parents. i hope your doing okay, and smiling and laughing. i don’t care if we talk about absolutely nothing, i just want to talk to you. i know that’s unfair to you after all ive weighed on you. but i guess that’s all, i love you. draco ♡

well this certainly didn’t get him off her mind. she didn’t need to either. ofcourse she was going to write him back, but she needed time to think about her response. she missed the next day of school, and his owl was comfortably standing on her desk, nibbling away at the water and crumbs. she took an hour long shower, multiple naps, raided her fridge, and had to email the school pretending to be her mum, excusing her for the day. before she even knew what she was going to write, she began on a new piece of paper. she’d have thought longer, but was sure draco would be convinced she stole noctua out of anger.

draco,

wow. i don’t really know what to say. i knew you weren’t a killer, and i meant what i said about you deserving more chances. i will admit i was angry, and a bit confused. i sent that letter with high hopes. i don’t know what i was hoping for at the time, i was being incredibly selfish. but couldn’t help myself feel pained when you didn’t mention it in the next letter when you said harry hexed you. i know we can’t be together, especially not right now, but i love you too. i wish more than anything you were here with me right now, and it was you i’d be graduating with half a year from now. i wish you were in the passenger seat of my car while i drive through the city. i wish you could point out the constellations in the sky. i usually can’t read to many poems either, they get me thinking to much. im ready to write again if you are.

y/n

draco hadn’t felt more joy in a long time. around seven months. she loved him, and that was enough happiness for a life time. he just needed to stay alive.

they continued to stay in touch, almost as if they never stopped talking, entertaining eachother as much as possible, masking their separate misery and the distance between them. he could get time away from the reality that was his life for a while, he thought, until snatchers brought the trio he spent so long bickering with to the manor.

a very distorted looking harry fell before him, his hair tightly gripped by bellatrix.

‘well, is it him’ he knew it was harry. and yet a part of him couldn’t bring himself to letting the boy get killed.

‘i can’t be sure’ he lied

‘draco, look closely son’ lucius said loudly, getting a grip on the back of dracos neck before leaning in and whispering.

‘if we are the ones that hand potter to the dark lord, all will be f-forgiven. a-all will go back to how it was’

his father and the and a snatcher quickly got into an arguement. lucius was yelling something about the manor before narcissa calmed him with a hiss.

‘don’t be shy, sweetie come here take a closer look’

draco was know level with him. the scar was still visible on his forehead, and swollen eyes staring back at him, hopeless.

‘what’s wrong with his face’ draco said

‘yes what is wrong with the boys face’ a shrill voice repeated

‘he was like that when we got him, something he picked up in the forest i reckon’

bellatrix walked away, laughing away at something. the blonde boys eyes were still on harry, before he felt a tap on his shoulder. bellatrix began acting out, yelling about a sword, putting ropes around snatchers neck from the end of her wand. sword now in her hand she walked over to ronald weasley, grabbing his collar and demanding that the boys be put in the cellar.

a different draco would have gladly watched a mudblood be tortured by his aunt. but he flinched at every scream of hermione, unable to watch he went to the next room, resisting tears as he thought of the girl he fell for enduring the same. she had moved onto the goblin- ridiculing it about who got into her vault- and hermiones screams were now gone.

‘youre lucky, goblin, the same won’t go for this one’ he heard footsteps

‘like hell it wont’ he heard ron yell, followed by the expelliarmus and what must have been harry stupefying his father. draco rushed in, now dueling a more normal looking harry, until their attention caught on bellatrix, a knife to grangers throat. they dropped there wands, and he did as instructed, picking them up. lucius was summoning the dark lord when they heard a tittering on the ceiling, and the chandlier crashing. it all moved so fast and harry was now wrestling draco for his wand back. he tried, but harry had already pried it out of his cold and shaky hands.

‘STUPID ELF. THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME’

‘dobby never meant to kill. dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure’ the house elf squeaked, and draco had never resisted a chuckle so hard.

‘HOW DARE YOU TAKE A WITCHES WAND. HOW DARE YOU DEFY YOUR MASTERS’

‘dobby has no master, dobby is a free elf, and he has come to save Harry Potter and his friends.’ and with that they apparated out, not without bella throwing a knife into the mix.

meanwhile, y/n was receiving letters of her own. not from draco either. letters from the schools she applied to. so far everything was good, except for princeton, but she didn’t have the highest expectations. she was accepted to the university of british columbia, seattle university, even ucla. she only had one letter left, and the large stuffed yellow envelope sat in her hands. she wasn’t sure about it- would she even be able to go to the univeristy of london? it was far, but draco was there, well closer to there atleast. accepted- it read. it was an option, and she still had weeks to think about it.

draco was very hesitant to write after the incident at the manor, the screams of Hermione, and the terrifying looking potter still vivid in his brain and nightmares. he often woke from sleep in a sweat, yet freezing cold. whispers of the war around his house also haunted his mind and soul. he’d walk to the window and look up at the the stars, they were under the same sky, at least. eventually he had to write her, it had been half a month and he couldn’t leave her hanging alone again.

y/n

love, im sorry for being hesitant, but there is going to be a war. i hate to leave you contact-less, but i need you to be safe now more than ever. i couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt. potter and his friends were brought here to the manor, it didn’t last long- they escaped within the hour and a half. with that doped elf, and a goblin too. if you don’t hear from me again, remember i love you. and always will.

draco

of all the letters y/n had recieved, from draco in all, that was probably the most displeasing. a war? like with tanks and bombs? tears were shedding down her face as she wrote the shortest response yet. knowing he most definitely didn’t have time to listen to her talk about schools, and how she got accepted to london, but her parents deemed it to far, ubc would have to do, she’d find her way to him eventually, if they were meant to be.

draco

stay safe, i love you.

yn.

draco now stood at snapes new office, dozens of corpses on the floor, pooled in blood. the dark lord speaking parsel tounge to nagini. no one needed to speak it to know that the man was infuriated about something potter had done.

the information he left was lacking, was he serious? what did wizarding wars even look like? her graduation date was set, June 6th, but it all seemed irrelevant, suddenly picking out a dress didn’t seem as fun as she thought, same with getting portraits taken. should she have said more?

next thing he knew the protection spell was countered and he apparated in, grabbing zabani and goyle by the collar. rushing them into a corridor and waited for the door of the room of requirement to completely vanish before approaching himself. they successfully found harry, opening a box carefully before finally drawing attention to themselves.

‘well well, what brings you here, potter’ draco said, softly, much to his surprise as he meant it to sound snarky and rude

‘i could ask you the same’

‘i believe you have something of mine, and id like it back’ was he becoming… kind?

‘whats wrong with the one you have?’ harry replied

‘it’s my mothers, powerful but different, doesn’t fully understand me, im sure you know the feeling’

‘why didn’t you tell her. bellatrix? you knew it was me, and you didn’t tell her’ he wasn’t exactly sure what to say, nor did he know. harry really didn’t have anything to do with his feelings for y/n, maybe he should have just turned in him when he had the chance, it would all be over if he had.

‘don’t be a wuss draco, just do it now’ goyle whispered in his ear, making him chill the same way bellatrix did on the astronomy tower, almost a year ago.

‘expelliarmus’ hermione half shouted, causing narcissas want to fly out of dracos hands and run the other way.

‘avada kedavra’ goyle missed and weaslebee started chasing after them, yelling something about his girlfriend. turning back around after goyle unsuccessfully casted the fiendfyre curse.

fear was making his body almost rattle as he desperately climbed bookcases in an attemp to outrun the flames. he watched goyle fall, into the orange. yes, he was a complete and utter twat, but wasn’t a half bad friend during dracos bullying peek. his foot slipped, now just his hands were keeping him up, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. in the distance he saw the three, zooming off to safety in the distance, leaving them their to die. not that he blamed them, after anything he did to them, he would have probably left himself there aswell.

but potter was flying towards him, arm out-stretched, grabbing onto his own and hoisting himself on the broom. had he already died? must not have, because the heat had finally caughten up. feeling as though he was going to pass out, he gripped tighter onto harry, maintaining his position on the broom. so much for staying safe. the second they made it out, they crashed onto the ground. he wanted to thank harry, but found himself running off instead.

explosions and hexes were being sent everywhere. people dying left and right. giants and trolls and spiders helping, he found himself in the slytherin common room. partially because he wanted to say goodbye, as he never wished to return to the building again once he had the choice. and partially as he was now aware of a large burn on his arm, and he felt a need to put off fighting until absolutely necessary. he entered through the portrait, for the last time. it felt like an aquarium, looking out upon the lake filled windows, merpeople and the giant squid often zooming by. he sat down upon the sofa, where he spent countless hours avoiding homework, plotting against potter and swimming in lust of his pure-blood status that now felt like a curse. he went up to his dorm, where he did very similar things. he wondered as to what he would be doing if he was a muggle right now. picking out a suit for graduation, buying a corsage for his date, but he wasn’t, so he best get going. running his hands along the furniture before leaving, not looking back.

the noise in the entrance courtyard had completely been diminished and draco found his way into the crowd of students pooling in. death eaters swarmed towards them at a painfully slow place, his mother and father near the head of the group. he noticed hagrid, towering above them, carrying what could only have been harrys corpse.

he watched carefully as they approached, trying to wedge himself inbetween and behind other students.

‘harry potter is dead’ voldemort paused ‘from now on, you put your faith in me’ silence fell over the hundreds of people who were know gathered. he swished his robes and turned backwards facing his followers

‘HARRY POTTER IS DEAD’ obnoxious and deafening cackles erupted

‘and now is the time to declare yourselves. come to our side, or die’ even more silence fell.

‘draco’ his father hissed before repeating ‘draco’

he felt eyes fall all over him, gazing expectantly. tears ran down his face.

don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. was this what she meant? he’d been looking for another chance, maybe this was it.

he shook his head no, and noticed his father had fallen a shade of pale he didn’t know existed.

‘Draco, DRACO’ he yelled, clearly enranged, but before he could continue - a movement shifted in hagrids arms, and harry fell out. in a heartbeat draco threw his wand to the scar faced boy. he caught it, looking grateful as he could while casting some sort of spell at nagini. death eaters were disappearing into the air- including lucius, narcissa being dragged with him.

draco didn’t know what to do with himself, he was wandless and he couldn’t fight, unless he wanted to engage in an actual physical duel, which he didn’t. he found himself in the great hall, asking professor sprout if she needed help patching those up, she pulled him into a hug, unexpectantly. he never recalled such contact or connection with a professor. he spent the rest of the battle helping healing wounds with dittany, and caring for those left in the wake. it was a nice distraction from the fact he would most definitely be disowned, left a family-less orphan at 17.

y/n couldn’t blame him for not writing, he clearly stated that it might be the last time. but every night she cried until she couldn’t cry anymore, or until she fell asleep. how could she like him so much? they’d never even met. she didnt really need to see him to know him, his letters told him enough about him. and she could only hope- that if he managed through his six year without killing his headmaster, he could make it through the war.

he delayed going back to the manor for as long as possible, until he decided to apparate directly into his room. he considered packing his things up, but realized no one was home. he was thankful, he don’t think he would ever be able to fully confront his parents again. he fell asleep in his bed, and slept for 48 hours straight. he slept through very vivid dreams, ones of y/n being tortured the same way as Hermione, ones of the dark lord coming alive once again and killing his mother because of his choices. he couldn’t bring himself to sleep again purposefully, no matter how exhausted he was. the days weren’t much better, his mind raced at unbelievable paces. he saw the dead bodies laying around the great hall, the unrecoverable ones. maybe he should have just fallen into the fire, surely that would have been easier. he was slowly becoming thinner, and always needed multiple blankets to even stay at a somewhat warm temperature, his heart beat faster than normal. he often felt pains in his neck, and his eyes were almost always puffy from crying. he spent so much time in bed he almost didn’t hear his owl flutter onto his nightstand mid afternoon, a small package tied loosely around his neck.

he opened it to see a letter, muggle candies and a worn book. suddenly he felt more awake, and be shot up a little to fast then he should have, sitting on the edge of his bed.

draco.

i don’t know where you are, or if youre alive, if youre reading this now. i hope this doesn’t arrive at a bad time. but your 18 now, so happy birthday. if you are seeing this, i still love you. i think about you all the time. i hope you are okay, and safe. in case you don’t end up writing me back, i just thought I’d give you some random information to keep you company and away from your mind. i graduate tomorrow. i look at your picture everyday. I remember what you once told me about following my dreams, so instead of medicine, im going to study literature and business next year. im staying in kelowna aswell for now, hoping maybe you’ll be able to visit someday. im sure you’d like it. my favourite colour is still green. i don’t know what else to say.

always here to listen if you’d like to talk. yn.

was it actually his birthday? had it already been a month since the war? it felt like a year but the visions played over and over like it was yesterday. it took him awhile before it clicked. the war was over, Voldemort was dead and there was no one to stop him from seeing her. he completely disregarded the lightheaded feeling he got when he stood up to fast- and rushed to his wardrobe. it took him a bit longer than he thought to pack up all his clothes, including the thousands of letters he kept hidden in a large drawer. the trunk was a bit heavier than he may have thought, and he ended up needing to take a car, in fear that he may not be able to apparate successfully to the airport without injuring himself. he quickly found out that muggle travelling was harder than he thought, and security and customs were also apparently a thing that all people needed to get through.

he wrapped himself in his cloak and didn’t get a drop of sleep the whole plane ride. it was nighttime when they flew over montreal, and then toronto. the sun rose as they crossed through winnipeg, regina, and calgary. he didn’t know this himself ofcourse, but he aggressively hit the map on the screen in front of him, desperate to know where he was. he only got an hour of half decent sleep before he felt rattling of the plane landing, and he gripped tightly onto the arm rests. he struggled for half an hour before he even got sight of his luggage on the moving thing that went round and round. compared to London, kelownas airport was very small and easy to navigate. the air outside was hot, making draco feel even more self concious about his clothing choices.

y/n put her hair back into a twist with a clip taking a suprising amount of effort to make sure it looked okay. her makeup was natural looking, nothing crazy but she looked gorgeous none the less. she slipped into her black romper, some canadians didn’t wear their fancy dresses to convocation, only something simple to go with the cap and gown. she arrived at the ceremony, seeing everyone, with excited smiles and laughs, conversing amongst themselves. and every memory came rushing back. they sat in rows on a stage, listening to the heartfelt and extremely cheesy speech the staff made every single year. she’d never noticed how many kids were in her age group until they were being called up one by one.

‘alex can’

‘ruth lee’

and the list went on and on until finally

‘y/n l/n’ the moment had come, and she shook everyone’s hand, receiving her diploma and flipping her caps tassel to the left. ‘y/n is staying around next year, and attending the university of british columbia okanogan, good luck l/n’ her principal said and claps continued like they had and the rest of the list finished sooner, or seemed to go by faster, she wasn’t sure.

draco had never had to find a taxi by himself, but once he did he gave the driver the only place he knew, the address he saw on the top corner of her first response almost two years ago.

y/n pulled away from the school grounds, watching them disappear in her rear view mirror. it was hot with a breeze, but she smiled the whole way home. she’d done it, made it through every assignment and class, dealt with attention hungry bitches, and crappy teachers. the next door was truly opening. pulling up to her house, and closing her car door as she hopped out, she watched her feet carry her up to the house. turning the corner, she saw him, sitting there on her steps, a present wrapped horribly in his hands, looking very out of place in his black cloak. she stopped in her own steps and he hesitantly stood up, before she launched herself into his arms breathing in his cologne, finally together after all this time.

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taexual · 4 years

Text

HOLIC - 46 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: angst + some conflict resolution

words: 3k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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You’d left a hundred voicemails. You'd called a thousand times. You’d sent a million texts. And yet, even despite your ruthless ambush, Jaebum – in an equally as ruthless manner – still did not reply to you. That was understandable, however, and, more than expected, really – but it still brought you great distress.

You didn’t know where he was and, after having stayed awake the entire night, trying to get ahold of him and waiting for him to return home, you suddenly weren’t too sure where you were, either. Your own room felt foreign and the apartment itself lost all of its’ familiarity.

Finally, at around five in the morning (or, in other words, about five centuries later), your phone rang with a text from Jaebum. You nearly gave yourself whiplash as you leaped from your spot on the bed to reach your phone that you’d left charging across the room.

His text was short and right to the point – he was simply letting you know he was with his friend – but the very fact that he had texted you lifted some of the heaviness off your shoulders. There was plenty more of it still there, though, and you crouched down, hugging your knees to your chest as you re-read Jaebum’s text message another dozen times.

You wanted to call Mark and Jackson to see if he was with them but then you paused. Jaebum obviously needed some space – and time – right now. And, although you felt like he’d left the apartment a long while ago, it was obviously not long enough.

You were dying to explain yourself but you also recognized that he needed to be away from you for a little while longer. The text he’d sent you sparked a new hope that this period of you and him being away from each other wouldn’t last long. You just had to endure it without losing your mind completely. The text had to mean that he knew you cared about him – even despite what you’d done – and he didn’t want you to crawl out of your skin with worry – even if that was precisely what you’ve been doing since he’d left – which, in turn, had to mean that he cared about you, too. But you knew that already – you didn’t need his text to show you that; his reaction when you told him about Jiho was proof enough.

You’d postponed the conversation so you wouldn’t hurt Jaebum and, predictably, you ended up doing so anyway.

Giving him some space was the right thing to do now, so you let him be. Until, a few hours later, you couldn’t take it anymore. It had started to feel like the more space you were giving him, the more place you left for his doubts to take over him. Soon, there would be no space left in his mind to hear you explain what had happened in the past few weeks.

But, just like before, no matter how much you called or texted, Jaebum didn’t answer. Shortly, he turned his phone off altogether. The phone could have died, of course, but still, hearing the operator announce that the person you were trying to reach was unavailable felt very personal. It felt like he’d turned his phone off specifically to avoid seeing your name on his screen.

You knew you called this upon yourself by not telling him earlier but knowing didn’t make this easier. If anything, the guilt you were feeling only seemed to magnify whenever you allowed yourself to think about how easily this could have been avoided.

Jaebum didn’t return home the whole night—this wasn’t the first Sunday night you’ve spent awake but it certainly was the most significant one—and, although your heart had already torn itself into the smallest pieces, you resisted and gave him the space he needed. You still called periodically and left as many messages as you could before your service provider got concerned, but you weren’t going out of your way to get him to respond to you.

By Monday afternoon, you were really only leaving him voice messages so he'd know that you really did care about him and you were aware of how big of a mistake you’ve made by not talking to him about this sooner.

By Monday night, however, you’ve started to have auditory hallucinations and lost count of how many times you thought you’d heard the lock of your apartment door click. Choosing to wait until nighttime, in case Jaebum would choose to return home after all, you sat patiently in your kitchen, doing anything and everything to keep your gaze from shifting to the door.

You wondered if Jaebum would have admired your loyalty – he’d have certainly called you clingy and, perhaps, even compared you to a dog waiting for its’ owner to come home – or if he’d have hated to know that you were still waiting for him to return even after what you’ve done. Frankly, you didn’t spend all of this time sulking – you got angry a couple of times, too. Sometimes, you’d think you didn’t do anything wrong – really, nothing happened between you and Jiho; you were just working on your career in the only way that was possible – but, immediately after, you’d find yourself admitting that this wasn’t even the real problem here.

Jaebum didn’t really storm out of your apartment just because you were working with Jiho and he hated the guy. He left because you worked with Jiho behind his back, purposefully dodging his questions about your work just so you wouldn’t have to admit the truth. Even after giving you a fair amount of openings – not that you needed an excuse to share the events of your day with him, considering your relationship status – you still stayed quiet, choosing vague words and plain silence as a way to answer his questions. It was a form of defense in a way and, consequently, a form of lying.

While you listened to Jaebum give you breakdowns of his day and updates on his career, you did not reciprocate and secretly cherished his carefulness – how many times did you thank God that Jaebum was so understanding and so willing to ignore your unusual behavior? – and that was so much worse than just lying about Jiho to him.

When your alarm clock rang the next morning, you got out of bed with a definite plan – you would seek both Mark and Jackson out to see if Jaebum was staying with either of them and you would do anything in your power to talk to him and explain. You could only give him space to think for so long before you drowned in your own thoughts and watched him to drown in his.

Before you could follow your plan – although, perhaps calling it a plan was generous; you really had no idea what you were going to say to his friends if they even agreed to help you – you still had to get through a full day of work at the gallery.

Having always dreaded to see Jiho there, you didn’t really expect today to be any different but a surprise awaited you on your phone when you picked it up to check the time after exiting your car outside of your gallery. It was a text notification from Hyojin, warning you about an article, evidently recounting the photography event you and Jiho had gone to on Friday night. Your stomach sunk before you even opened it, completely disregarding the message your friend wrote before she attached the link.

Instead of reading Jiho’s recap of the event – he’d sworn he would use your pictures for it but you ended up not taking any – you were forced to read through another pile of tabloid-like garbage that, predictably, focused completely on your relationship with Jiho.

Now, on the one hand, the article proved that Jiho’s publicity stunt was a complete success – you nearly suffocated when you saw a picture of yourself leaving the gallery and Jiho storming off after you, an ominous “young photographer couple” written in the description of the shot; clearly, you and him have been noticed – but, on the other hand, not a single sentence in the entire article even mentioned your aspiration to become a successful photographer.

Not only did the writers – tipped off by Jiho, no doubt – assumed that you and him were together but they also allowed themselves to speculate if, perhaps, you and him were going to be the next big artist-and-his-muse names in the world of photography. They even went as far as to compare you and him to Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick – which was right on point, considering that Edie was, really, one of many Warhol’s muses – further proving that they didn’t even consider you a photographer. At least, not in the literal sense of the word – they saw the camera in your hands and pointed it out in the description of another photograph of you by the entrance to the gallery. But Jiho was “the photographer” and, according to the writers, in the relationship hierarchy, you were either Jiho’s apprentice (the writers dismissed the possibility after merely toying with it for a sentence of two) or his muse. Not his colleague. Not a photographer. Barely even a person, really.

Beyond frustrated, you walked through the double doors of the gallery and, before you could toss your phone across the empty foyer, you caught sight of Jiho, talking to someone on the phone next to the staircase. You really considered strangling him for a hot minute but, after taking a few deep breaths, you decided to handle this like an adult – or, as close to one as you could get with your blood boiling and pulse pounding in your ears.

“Did you fucking read this?” you demanded as soon as you reached him, pushing your phone to his face. “This is the second god-damn time this happens.”

“Wh—I’m—l-let me call you back,” Jiho said before hanging up the call and putting his phone away so he could focus on yours. He squinted as he read the headline. “Oh, so we’ve definitely been seen, huh? That’s good.”

“That’s not good,” you disagreed. “And we were not seen at all. You were. I was your shadow if even that. Again!”

Jiho wasn’t listening to you as his eyes continued to scan the contents of the article.

“Your little stunt of leaving early worked out nicely, too,” he added in regards to the last bit of the article that recounted, in epic little detail, how you left the event early and Jiho “followed right after like a love-sick puppy”.

“It wasn’t—Jesus, how much money did you pay to get them to write this bullshit?” you asked, retrieving your phone after noticing that it didn’t bring the expected result – not that you knew what you were expecting; it was hard to imagine Jiho doing something other than grinning like a deformed jack-o-lantern.

“You think I paid for this?” Jiho’s eyebrows reached his hairline. “Wow, you must think I’m a millionaire.”

“What are you talking about? You knew so many people who were there—”

“So, I talked to them,” he said as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. Probably rolled his eyes, too, but you weren’t looking at him – you were reading the article and further fueling your anger. “I mean, some damage control had to be done, you caused quite a fuss there. I tried to give the others the impression that—”

“This is your fault, then!” you cut him off with a high-pitched shriek that he seemed to flinch away from.

“I’m not sure I understand what I’m being accused of, here,” he said as calmly as he could. The calmness was a façade, as you’ve already learned, and the veins on his neck were becoming more prominent by the second. “We needed exposure and we got it. What’s the problem?”

“What kind of exposure is this? You told me this wouldn’t seem like a romantic relationship. That they would focus on our professional relation instead of twisting it around to make it seem like—”

“Professional relationships don’t sell nearly as well as—”

“Sell?” you scoffed. “What are these people buying, exactly? That you’re a photographer? Well, they knew that already, I would hope. Or you’ve surely wasted the past years of your life.”

“Right—”

“There’s not really much else in there about me. Except that I’m—”

Seemingly having had enough of your endless tirade, Jiho crossed his arms over his chest, cutting you off, “maybe if you wanted there to be more descriptions of you, you shouldn’t have left early.”

“Oh, so they could have taken more pictures of us to strengthen their narrative of us being romantically involved? No. That’s not okay,” you shook your head, finding it difficult to voice your thoughts rationally and not start screaming. Screaming would have felt so nice. “These articles… they’re not helping anyone but you. Next week, they can write one about you and some other “muse” you’ve brought to a photography event. No one will give a shit about me. I agreed to do this to get myself more exposure as a photographer. Instead, I’m just a new toy you can play around with to get yourself more well-known.”

“Listen, you have this warped sense of how this works,” Jiho said. His patronizing voice made you clench your fists. “These things take time. You think you’ll get popular overnight—”

“Don’t tell me what I think!” you yelled, your patience wearing thin.

“Okay, alright. I’m sorry,” he said, not sounding one bit apologetic. He just felt like he was winning because you were suddenly shouting and he was still successful at resisting to raise his voice. “Let’s not talk about this here—”

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes for a second or two – purely a precaution so you wouldn’t punch him and get yourself fired – even if you were already one step away from quitting – and probably arrested.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you said then. “This is the last article depicting me as someone’s rumored girlfriend.”

Jiho didn’t seem surprised to hear this.

“See, that’s good because, actually, I’m having second thoughts about this, too,” he said, the bitter tone of his voice dripping with arrogance and entitlement. “Clearly, you’ve got it in your head that you’re in a position to demand an exhibition when you’re virtually nothing in the photography world. You don’t listen to a single word I say and you have enough guts to give me ultimatums as if you know how this works better than I do. I don’t know who you think you are but this is not how any of this works. All I did was try to help you—”

You thought you could only recall one other instance when you felt this frustrated – and more than ready to either rip all of your hair out or to beat Jiho to a pulp – and that was when you met up with Suji and had to listen to her boast about her happy relationship with Jaebum. My God, what a pair her and Jiho would have made – both bull-headed, arrogant, and so unbelievably thick, it was a miracle they’ve gotten this far in life without getting all of their teeth knocked out.

“This was no help for me,” you said through clenched teeth and then unlocked your phone to see the headline of the article again. You pointed your phone at him as proof. “This was all for you.”

“It was meant to help both of us and the gallery we represent—”

“Oh, open your fucking eyes, the gallery’s not even mentioned in the article,” you groaned.

Jiho swallowed, an undeniable – and very well-executed – image of someone who felt wronged and disrespected evident on his face.

“This isn’t working,” he stated, then, obviously taking immense pleasure in having the ability to say this. He knew he was above you in this situation and he relished it. “I’ve lost count of how many rules listed in the contract you’ve broken and yet I closed my eyes, thinking it’d be worth it. I don’t really think so anymore. I think you’re too full of senseless pride and I’m afraid I can’t work with that. You told me you’d quit if we didn’t host your exhibition and, admittedly, that caught me off-guard and, perhaps, even impressed me. But I can see everything clearly now – you’re absolutely not the sort of artist we’re looking for.”

“What sort of artists are you looking for?” you asked, your blood hot and about to pour out of your ears in rapid squirts of burning rage. “Pushovers, willing to follow you around like newborn puppies? Fresh, vulnerable university graduates who lack the spine to tell you that what you’re doing is preying on their lack of experience and using them to your own gain?”

“I’m sorry if that’s how you feel,” Jiho said. “Unfortunately, this partnership is over. Don’t worry about the contract anymore. We’re not going to be hosting your—”

“Oh, good! Perfect!” you shouted before he could finish. “I never wanted to work with you in the first place.”

You turned around, walking away, but Jiho couldn’t resist not having the last word. He simply felt too proud to let you leave this easily.

“Hopefully you’ll continue to feel that way,” he called out after you, “because you can forget all about your dream of hosting your own exhibition.”

You didn’t want to turn around and say something else because it felt like admitting defeat but you couldn’t resist it. You’ve still had a few things you’ve always wanted to say to him and now was finally the time to stop holding yourself back.

“Fuck you,” you dropped over your shoulder, your expression – finally – calm. “And fuck that exhibition. That’s not what my dream is.”

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m00nlitknight · 4 years

Text

librarian helper

fandom: IT (2017) pairing: henry bowers / goody-two-shoes reader word count: 1,635 warnings: none to really point out? henry being henry?? summary: Oh, how one tires of stagnant days. extra: my favorite part of this is when richie said 'mullet-boy bowers' im iconic. i also finished this at like 3am pls b gentle i hope i wrote henry ok! feedback is highly appreciated, thank you for reading!

archive of our own link.

Monday mornings in Derry weren’t ideal, regardless of the context. Teens awoken far too early for their own good, forced to come to grips with the reality that it was the first day back from the weekend. Trudging through the crowded student body and longing for the day to be over just as soon as it was to begin. A variety of feelings made the air heavy and thick with a concoction so truthful to the high school experience; frustration, exhaustion, and the underlying scent of yearning.

Few an individual found themselves bragging of the weekend’s extracurricular activities, cackling with an unusual vigor and energy unlike the rest of their near-ghoulish peers. Others were sitting on the ground, rushing through their assignments with adrenaline only just granted to them; oh yes, the heart-stopping experience of forgetting that there was homework.

Fortunately, you’d hadn’t found yourself in that predicament this morning, having thoroughly done your homework on Friday night. Best to do it then push it off and forget it; your own philosophy. Not to say you hadn’t found yourself in the same situation in times past, nor were you above those whose memory’s had failed them.

Quietly you step up to your locker, opening it and glancing down to your left, where Richie Tozier was currently scribbling nonsense down on what you assumed to be Government. You hummed, putting your things away quickly and retrieving what looked to be the same assignment - some stupid worksheet the teacher assigned, no doubt some kind of busywork. Your class truly had no grasp on the concept of being ‘quiet,’ which annoyed you to no end.

You squatted down to his level, with his pencil not even ceasing as you set the paper in his peripheral. No teachers were at their morning posts yet, either that or the ones who were supposed to be there simply didn’t care to be there.

“Oh - uh, shit, how much?” His eyes shifted from you to the paper quickly as he fumbled to reach for something - likely his wallet.

“Nothing,” Your voice leaves you laced with amusement as you push the paper into his grasp. “Just don’t get caught with it, please.”

“Aw, c’mon! You can’t just hand it the fuck over for free, man, that’ll mean I owe you a solid.”

“Just consider it on the house, Tozier. It’ll be fine, you don’t owe me.”

“Okay, okay, but don’t come hollerin’ when you suddenly need a favor from ol’ Richie, alright?”

You hum in affirmation, turning back to your locker and beginning to sort through the things that would be needed for the day to come. Around you, energy began to rise, individuals of the student body reanimating through social interaction. The morning sun may not have been enough to revitalize them, but it appeared that the promise of teenage-to-teenage interaction was.

Richie finished his work with your worksheet quickly, shoving it back in your direction with a toothy grin. “Thanks, dude, you’re a fuckin’ lifesaver, I swear.”

“Like I said, it’s nothing! Do you need help with anything else? You know I have a basically free second period in the library.”

“Nah, thanks for the offer,” He seemed to finalize, standing up to go through his own locker. “I’ll make sure to send my dumbfuck friends your way if they happen to need any tutoring, though.”

You release a laugh through your nose, head shaking as you did so. Richie looked to you with a momentary smile, only to have it fall when he looked passed to the people around you.

“Alright, don’t panic,” naturally, you felt a little alarmed as a grimace crept onto his features. “ but I think you have a momentary peepin’ Tom right now.”

“Uh ... what ... do you mean?” You couldn’t help the faint caution and apprehension crawling into your voice.

“Mullet-boy Bowers is staring at you like ... really intensely,” he turned to you once again, putting an not-so-reassuring hand on your shoulder. “If I were you, I’d get the fuck outta dodge right now.”

With that, he stepped around you, maneuvering through the hallway - likely to class - and leaving you by your lonesome and, unfortunately, vulnerable. Quickly after his departure, the bell rang shrill overhead, signaling the beginning of class as students begrudgingly made their way to their first hour classes. You made yourself among their ranks, gathering your things to hopefully outrun ( or walk in this case ) any physical advancements the fellow student could’ve had on you.

The classroom’s door frame never felt more welcoming as you stepped foot into it, releasing a breath of comfort. Most of the class had yet to filter in, meaning there was more reign to choosing whatever seat you wanted. With a hum of appreciation, you step further in, choosing a seat not-too-close and not-too-far back for your liking, sitting down and preparing for class.

You keep your attention focused on your notebook for the beginning as classmates make their way in, sitting in various spots around the room and leaving you by yourself. Booted footfalls make their dreaded way over to you, finding themselves seated to your right. Sudden fear prickles your skin, suddenly making the room too warm and too cold at once while your shoulders tense. For the love of god, be anyone, anyone other than who you thought it was.

The seat creaks, likely with the weight of its occupant leaning into your vicinity. “Did’ja get the homework done, girlie?” You can almost hear the smirk in his whisper, as though he’s a wolf bearing his maw to a sheep. You tense further, shaking your head as you unconsciously lean further into the empty space you have right.

“S’funny...swear I saw you givin’ it to Trashmouth ‘fore class started,” The seats to your front and back were occupied by others, quite possibly remaining individuals who found an alliance with Henry. “Always thought’ch’re a good girl...be a shame if someone fucked that up for y’huh?”

Blackmail? That didn’t really seem like his style, then again it didn’t quite seem like you were being offered a choice of any kind - especially if he had the man power of his goons with him.

“So what’s it gonna be, huh? We ain’t got much time,” his voice transcribed his annoyance as your mulling was cut short, sliding the paper into his vision as he diligently scribbled the answers down. Across the room you caught the eye of Richie, quickly looking away in shame. You nearly miss the amused “s’what I thought,” murmured from Henry as he finishes the work quickly, shoving your desk with a bark of laughter.

The class continues on with its usually snail-like pace, much to your dismay as you keep your eyes locked on either the clock or your notebook. In front of you sat Belch Huggins, likely to his own humor since you were no longer able to see the board, and to your back sat Victor Criss who was able to sneak in an early nap. Through the paperballs being spat at or thrown at you from your right, you couldn’t help but feel that this was in some way better than having Patrick sit nearest to you - even if he was still creepily staring into your shoulder from behind Henry with what you could only guess was that irking grin. God forbid it was his expressionless face, that churned nervousness in your gut.

The bell rang once again overhead, signaling your freedom to the library as you scrambled to gather your things and rush passed before you had the chance to get cornered. Dumping what you had in your hands in your locker - you figured it would be for later you to organize - you did your best to scamper to the library unseen.

It seemed to have worked for the most part, aside from the bemused glances you garnered from teachers. Only momentary, they shrugged it off as you being a good kid in a hurry. As you entered the vicinity, you released another sigh of relief. If there was one thing you knew, it was that Henry Bowers wouldn’t be caught dead in a library. You didn’t really worry about his friends either, they were probably busy giving some unfortunate soul a swirlie, or whatever.

“Always on time, aren’t you?” The librarian, Ms. Andrews, rhetorical question was met with a beaming smile from you. “I’ve written things down for you to do, I’ll be in and out today helping the bookkeeper in the office.”

With a timid nod, you walked over to what she’d assigned you to do, looking through the short list with a thought of reaffirmation. Checking books back in, sorting back through them, and putting labels on new ones. You didn’t think you’d get through it all in the allotted time, though you were sure she’d been aware. Despite the world’s slow pace of going digital, Derry managed to lag behind - leaving you and your school with the unfortunate continuation of the paper system instead of being able to have the use of a computer.

“I’ll be back soon, dear, you know where where everything is,” she rounded the counter top before stepping out of the room, heels clicking loudly on the linoleum outside the carpeted room. A few moments later, the sound of boots made themselves apparent on the floor outside, going unnoticed by you as you began working on what had been assigned to you.

Looking up, your eyes met the smug gaze of Bowers himself - to which you tensed up once again. It stayed like what for an uncomfortable amount of time, the stuffy silence broken by the likes of you.

“Didn’t think you’d be a fan of the library,” you murmured, closing the book and setting it on the cart to be replaced.

“Wasn’t really, ‘till a lil’ birdy told me where my favorite bunny hangs out fer her second hour,” A sly smirk crawled onto his features as he watched you grimace over the use of the pet name.

He stepped forward, watching a physical flinch from you occur whilst he leaned his elbows onto the counter. It was stupid of him to get worked up over watching you squirm like that, but he had to admit there was definitely a feeling that came along with it. Leaning onto the counter, he gazed into your face. “What’ya say to us peelin’ outta here, goin’ and havin’ some actual fun?”

You fell silent at the question, blush darkening your features all the way to the ear. Unable to keep eye contact, you glanced to the pile of books that suddenly seemed way more interesting. “I’d say,” your voice came out so much more fragile then you’d meant it to as you looked back into his eyes. “Take me to dinner first.”

At your rebuttal, he found himself at a momentary loss for words, his own cheeks dusting with a faint pink. His smirk faltered, before returning at full force. “Can’t a man get a taste first, then?”

“ Uh, ” your mouth went dry, eyes suddenly widening. How could he be so forward?

“What’ll it be, doe-eyes?”

With a glance around the vacant library, you looked to him again. “Follow me.”

His smirk turned wolfish as you led him to the vague-privacy of the bookshelves. Once the doorway was out of sight, and the two of you were tucked away into a corner, you looked to him. “We’ll have to be quick...and quiet.”

He stepped to you, only partially caging you in with one hand. “I can do quick, but I can’t promise quiet, bunny.”

“W-we can’t do much,” you stammer, face flushing as he lowered himself to your neck. “I’m n-not that easy!” You squeak when you feel his lips press against your jugular, putting an embarrassed hand to your mouth.

“Thought we had to be quiet,” he chuckled.

You put your hands onto his face, dragging him backward to press a chaste kiss to his lips. Quickly, he swatted your hands away, coming to rest his own on your waist as you replaced your hands onto his shoulders. The kiss escalated to eyes being closed, lip nipping, and heads turning for a better angle.

You gently pulled away, in turn his hands beginning to roam your mid-section with curiosity as you caught your breath. When he brushed a certain spot, you couldn’t suppress a giggle, much to his amusement as he began to brush it intentionally.

“Henry!” You giggle, putting your hands on his chest to push him away.

“Y’know, I like the sound of my name on your lips, doe-eyes,” He pressed a kiss to your lips once again before pulling away completely. “Maybe you’ll be sayin’ it with more gusto tonight, huh?”

Your face flushes, eyes widening again. “Oh - oh! Uh, maybe..?”

“Meet me durin’ lunch, we’ll talk then,” and with a wink, he set out of the library.

#henry bowers x reader #henry bowers imagine #henry bowers #it 2017 fanfiction #it 2017 #anyway #reader insert

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liliah39 · 5 years

Text

Crazy Little Game of Love: Chapter 4

A/N: Hey guys! Whats up?? Thanks for coming back!! I’m so sorry im having to post this again. it was mad weird, I posted it last night and tried to do the tags this morning and it all disappeared... so here we are... again. Haha hope you enjoy! Get your tissues out! THERE ARE NEW WARNINGS!!! (swearing, angst & smut) also sorry if the smut is bad its my first time writing it!)

Concept is posted: here

Liliah39 Masterlist

This Chapter’s Aesthetic

Word Count: 11.4K (Wow ikr!!!)

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Morning of October 6th, 1970 (where we left off)

“Y/N!” Roger yelled at you from the kitchen.

“Yeah?”

“Tea or Coffee, Love?”

“Tea please! Just sugar though.” You smiled at his thoughtfulness.

You could hear Roger clunking around in the kitchen, and his frequent annoyed sighs when something didn’t go as planned made you laugh. You eventually fell into a soft sleep, only to be awakened by your hair being brushed out of your face.

“Baby? Breakfast is ready.” You opened your eyes to see Roger smiling down at you and a tray of food for two at the end of the bed. As you smiled back at him you yawned and sat up. You both ate while making small conversation as you each attempted to wake up. You were almost finished when you said,

“This tastes great. Took a while, but good job Roggie.” You teased.

“Hey! I don’t even like it when Freddie calls me that, Love. And I tried my best…” he looked down, pretending to be hurt.

“I know, I know.”

“I just wanna make you happy,” he shyly confessed, sitting cross legged across from you taking the last bite of his eggs.

“And why is that, Mr. Taylor?” You said smiling.

“Because you’re beautiful.”

“Rog,” you said while blushing.

“I’ve been really into you for a while Y/N. I mean we both remember seeing each other at the Smile gig a few months back, but I don’t even think you recognized me when we’d see each other out. You bumped into me and Bri when you’d be out with Freddie a lot, you came to pick Freddie up from a bar that we were all at, and you ran into me leaving your dorm when I was hanging out with Freddie while you were at orchestra rehearsal. Monday wasn’t our first time meeting. You don’t remember me; it’s okay, I just would notice you because of how beautiful I found you all those months ago. You’re just as beautiful as you are outside on the inside. Freddie also talks about you a lot, granted I’d ask about you too.” He blushed, his now rosy cheeks matching yours. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, and not to sound like a little school boy, I really have a crush on you.” He admitted, nervously scratching the back of his head and taking a drink of his coffee.

You let out an airy laugh. “Well it’s not like you haven’t made it obvious.” Roger immediately looked like he was scolding himself. “Hey,” you said, placing a hand on his. “I find it quite endearing.

“Oh really?” He said smiling, his face inching closer to yours.

“Really.” You said staring into his beautiful blue eyes. “And besides, I wouldn’t of come if I didn’t find you incredibly attractive.”

“Oh, really?” He repeated, teasing you as he placed his hands on your shoulders; your noses now touching.

“Yeah Roggie.”

“I told you not to call me that!” he joked picking you up and laying you flat on the bed tickling your sides, which earned a squeal from you as you kicked your legs and squirmed beneath him.

“Roger! Rog! Stop!” You laughed. “I promise I won’t anymore.”

He stopped tickling you, hands still on your sides. “Promise?”

“I promise.” You laughed, and he grabbed your hands and pulled you up.

“I knew you were ticklish.” He smirked.

“Now, don’t misuse your newfound power! With great power comes great responsibility.” You laughed, and he turned around and sat next to you on the pillows as he placed the tray of food on the floor.

It got quiet, each of you were just enjoying each other’s company while you watched the ocean out the windows in front of you as Roger played with your fingers. All of a sudden, the mood got serious. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Roger staring at you.

“What?”

“How are you doing, with dressing a little out of your comfort zone? Are you okay? I don’t want you to be stressed out, Love.”

“Oh, um. It’s complicated.” You sighed. “I love it, and I hate it. This is how I used to dress all the time. I miss it. It’s honestly how I’d like to dress, but I’m so nervous about making it as a violinist that I started dressing more conservative. Hell, I haven’t dressed like this in over a year,” you laughed, “but it’s okay. I’m getting better with it. Think I may just need to step out of my comfort zone a little more.”

“You sure?” Roger said, getting up and standing at your side of the bed.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Good!” He said, scooping you up in his arms and spinning you around. You let out a yelp of surprise. You put your arms around his neck, and he ran from his room to yours, spinning around, and throwing you on the bed, leaving you laughing your head off.

“Now what on Earth was that for!”

“We’ve got a big day ahead of us, Love. You’ve gotta just let loose and be yourself. Dress as opposite to fancy and reserved Y/N as you can today, and just be yourself, Love. I’m gonna get dressed and get the beach things together, you take your time and get ready.” He winked, shutting the door to your side of the bathroom as he went to his room.

You dug through your bag and found your new ocean blue crochet bikini that was embellished with sea shells and beading, and put your Bohemian dress over it to use as a cover up. You looked at your floppy, ritzy hat you had packed, and threw it to the side, grabbing your sun glasses instead. You looked in the mirror as you took your hair down from it’s messy bun, and held your makeup bag in one hand.

Should I fix my hair?

Should I put on a little makeup?

Freddie popped into your head, and you remembered your argument a couple nights ago. You tentatively set the makeup bag down and ran your fingers through your hair.

I can’t let him down.

You grabbed your sunblock and walked out of your room, noticing the door to the cellar open and assumed Roger was down there getting things for the beach, so you walked to the glass doors and softly started singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

Roger came up the stairs with a couple chairs and an umbrella, and at the sight of you was almost stopped dead in his tracks. He was so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone. You hadn’t noticed him yet, and he was completely blown back to hear you singing. What a beautiful voice? He softly set his things against the wall and came up behind you, engulfing you in his arms, and you immediately stopped singing, put your arms over his, and smiled as you pressed your cheek against his chest. Roger put his chin on top of your head. You stayed like this for a moment. “I didn’t know you could sing, Baby?” He said.

You turned around and looked at him, a genuine look of confusion on your face. “I can’t?”

“But-” You both stood there looking at each other confused for a moment trying to figure out what the other was talking about.

Roger laughed, “Okay, Love, well, it looks like a beautiful day out, you ready to head down?”

You nodded and helped him pack a cooler of drinks and snacks, and the two of you headed down to Porthcurno Beach for the day.

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Roger had just set up your area, and you took off your dress and set it on your chair and fanned out your towel on the sand in the sun, and laid down.

You could already feel his eyes on you.

“Take a picture, Rog. It lasts longer.” You teased.

“Oh- I’m sorry, yeah sorry.” He coughed, embarrassed yet bewildered of how you figured all that out with your back to him and eyes closed.

“Don’t be sorry Love, I’m just picking on you. What’re planning to do?” You smiled, picking your head up to look at him as he put on sunscreen.

“Whatever you’re doing.” He smiled, as he laid out his towel next to you and laid plopped next to you.

You rolled your head over to face him, and thought to yourself, Now this is a sight I could get used to.

You drifted off to sleep in the sun with your hands intertwined. About an hour later Roger woke you up saying “Y/n, you’re getting really dark, Love. You may wanna get up so you don’t get a sunburn.”

You sat up and looked at your arms, significantly darker on the front side than the back, which caused you to laugh. “How come you’re not tan?”

“Cuz I don't tan, I burn. I put on sunblock an hour or so ago.” He laughed.

“So what’ve you been doing all this time?”

“Just reading my book, watching you. Gotta take care of my girl.”

His girl.

You wished you could be his girl, and dreaded the thought of breaking his heart, knowing you’d be breaking yours along with his. You pushed away the thought, not wanting to have to deal with it right now.

“I’m way over heated Rog.” You said, standing up. “I’m gonna go for a swim, you wanna come with me?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you rather go back to the house?” He scratched the back of his head and looked at the ground. He was nervous.

“No Rog! It’s beautiful out, and we have a beautiful ocean right in front of us! You’re so silly sometimes.” You laughed.

“More like cautious.” He muttered.

“Cautious about what?”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.” He said as he rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, Love. I’m a violinist; we’ve got trained ears. What do ya’ want from me?” You joked, shrugging your shoulders.

“I definitely whispered that though!” He defended himself back, starting a joking argument between the two of you.

“No you didn’t!”you persisted as he pulled you in close to him. “You just can’t hear ‘cuz of all that noise you make on your drums.”

“Oh yeah?” He said, pulling you even closer. There was no space left between you.

“Yeah.” You smiled. You were almost kissing.

This can’t happen.

“So uh- you never answered my question.” You said, quickly diverting the kiss and stepping back.

“Cautious… right.” He said, smile slipping from his face. “Alright, I’ll tell you. But you can’t tell the boys, okay?”

You nodded.

“I uh- I just learned to swim last year. I’m not really much of a water person. Pools are fine cuz I can stand and see where I am, but lakes and oceans freak me out. I guess all this is because…uh-”

“Yeah Rog?”

“I’ve got a bad fear of drowning.” He said shyly.

“Okay.” You smiled

“You’re not gonna laugh at me?”

“Roger, why the hell would I laugh at you for this? You’re scared of something, that’s alright. We’re all scared of something.” You said, soothingly rubbing his arm up and down.

He smiled down at you. “Really? Most people make fun of me for it.”

“Really, Baby. I’m not gonna make fun of you for being scared of something.”

Shit. You thought. I just called him baby. I’m falling for it.

“Why don’t you just come put your feet in or walk a little while I go in?”

He nodded his head.

“Oh come on, Love.” You said, grabbing his hand. “Where’s my loud and outgoing Roger?” You were trying to comfort him still.

He smiled at you and kissed your cheek.

“Thank you.” He said.

“I won’t tell the boys. Now come on!” You said as you started walking to the ocean hand in hand. Holding hands and walking on the beach was seeming to become your thing.

“How are people walking all the way out there?” You said as the water hit your feet. There were about four people two yards out walking in water that went up to their knees.

“There’s a sandbar there. The water gets really deep on the walk out, and then get really shallow again.”

“You wanna go out to it?”

He looked hesitant.

“I’ll hold your hand the whole time, Rog.”

“Really?” He said. Even though he was still terrified, the thought of him getting to hold your hand for a while longer encouraged him to take your deal.

“Really. I promise I won’t let go.” You intertwined your fingers with his, holding his hand in more of a couple-like fashion.

“Okay, lets go.” He said, pulling you after him.

You tried to keep him distracted on the way out by making him laugh, and by keeping him focused on how much closer the two of you were getting. In the middle of your venture out, the water got pretty deep, and only your heads were left above the water. You kept talking about different experiences you had while playing some odd gigs, and noticed that Roger grew completely silent. You looked over at him, to find a look of fear on his face. He was extremely pale, holding his breath as he looked up at the sky while his lips were trembling.

“Hey, hey, hey.” You said, stopping and he immediately stopped waking too. You started walking to turn around so you could face him, and felt him grab your hand tighter.

“Please don’t let go of my hand.” He said. You could tell he was scared, but didn’t want to admit it.

“I’m not gonna, I’m just walking in front of you so I can look at you. Look at me, Love.” You encouraged. He slowly turned his head down and stared ahead at you.

“You’re doing great Rog. We’re almost there, look! You’re gonna be just fine. We can both stand here, and we can both swim. I’m a pretty good swimmer, so I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, don’t worry.” You noticed his breathing slow. “You ready to keep going?”

He nodded.

A couple minutes later when the water level had reduced to the top of your bikini, he said, “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry, Rog! You have a fear of something. I’m just proud that you did it.” You smiled.

“No, no, not for that. I mean I’ve always been scared of drowning. Not scared of water so much as it is drowning so I’m not sorry for that, I’m used to it. I’m sorry for you having to say that you weren’t going to let anything happen to me.”

“Why? I was just trying to make you more comfortable.”

“Because I should be able to protect us both. I want to be able to. I wanna be able to protect you, Y/N.”

“I’m just fine Rog, don’t you worry.” You smiled at him. “And besides, it’s not like we’re dating.”

“Right.” He said coldly.

The rest of the walk Roger was trying to make you laugh, and was telling you funny stories about Brian.

You reached the sandbar, and sat down in the sand. The water was only deep enough to get to your ankles. Roger sat down next to you, and the two of you were laughing as you splashed each other, and Roger pulled you into his lap. You rested the back of your head on his chest, as he said, “Thank you for making me come out here. It really is beautiful.”

After a couple more moments, you noticed a large rock about fifty feet to your right. “C’mon Rog!” You said, getting up and pulling him along with you.

“Where are we going?”

“To that rock over there!”

“I don’t think that’s a good i-”

“Oh come on Roger. It’ll be fine!”

About twenty minutes later, you were sitting on the rock, while Roger stood to the side and smiled as he watched you. The water was about waist deep here, so he was too hesitant to sit on the rock. It didn’t make much sense to you why, since the rock was out of the water, but you decided not to push him.

Roger loved just watching you enjoy the water. Seeing you on the rock made him call you his “Little Mermaid”. It seemed like he just kept falling more and more in love with you, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a large wave came, and although it didn’t affect Roger all that much, from all the force it created upon colliding with the rock, it pushed you off the rock and under the water. Under the ocean, all you heard were the soft sounds of the waves, and the sand beneath you as the waves pulled it further toward the shore. You swam a little bit forward in your newfound serenity, never wanting to breach the water and return to humanity.

Suddenly, you felt an arm grab you around your stomach and forcefully pull you out of the water. You opened your eyes to see Roger holding you close to his chest like a newborn, very clearly having a panic attack. He was talking a mile a minute.

“Can you hear me? Are you ok? Can you breathe? Y/n? Oh my god, this is why I didn’t wanna come out here. Y/n?!?”

“Shhh, shhh,” you said, caressing his cheeks in your hands. You sat up in his arms so you could get a better look at his face. “I’m okay, Baby. I’m just fine. Calm down, Roger, it’s all okay.”

“But the wave! And you didn’t come up, and I thought I lost you.” He confessed.

“I was just swimming, Love. And look! If anything was actually wrong, you would have gotten me just like you did! It’s all okay.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Just don’t do that again.” he said, making you laugh.

“Do what? Swim?” You laughed at his absurd suggestion.

“I mean make me think like you’re unconscious in the ocean! I can’t lose you, Baby, I just can’t.” He whispered. To him, you were the first girl he wanted to have an actually serious relationship with.

“Okay, I promise.” You said, trying not to laugh. “Wanna go back to the beach?”

“Yup.” He said as he started walking back to the shallow part of the sandbar to walk straight into the beach.

“You gonna put me down?” He was still carrying you, at this point, your legs were around his waist and his arms were extremely tight around your waist, still holding you in close to him.

“Nope.” He said, causing you to laugh, and you comfortably put your head on his shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You got back to the beach at around 3:00, and Roger suggested going back to the house and getting dressed so you could go shopping for a bit. As you walked into your room you instantly were unsure of what to wear. You remembered what Roger said earlier, “dress as opposite to fancy and reserved Y/N as possible”.

Well, here goes nothing.

When you were done getting dressed, fixing your hair and putting on a little makeup, Roger was still taking a shower since he cleaned all of the sand out of your beach things when you arrived back home. You looked down at your outfit, your sheer pantsuit that was low cut with your dangly silver necklaces. You opted to go without a bra, making your breasts completely viewable through the outfit and wore nude panties.

“Am I really going out like this? More importantly, I used to go out like this and feel comfortable?”

It seemed like Freddie had taken the place of your conscious, because some voice said “Yes” and literally seemed to push you out the sliding glass door. You stood about even with the bench observing the ocean while you waited for Roger.

When Roger was finished getting dressed, he realized you weren’t in the house and as he assumed, saw you standing by the bench and opened the door to start walking toward you. His eyesight wasn’t the best, so he could see you were wearing a jumpsuit, not as “out there” as he was hoping but was at least proud that you were still stepping out of your comfort zone.

“Hey, Love, you ready to go?”

You turned around and Roger’s eyes went wide open.

“Holy shit.” Roger smiled, noticing how sheer your jumpsuit was. What it was covering, and more importantly what it wasn’t. So you actually did step way out of your comfort zone, and you didn’t just step. You jumped.

“Is it too much?” You said, staring to cross your arms across your chest.

“No, no! It’s great, it’s- holy fucking god you’re gorgeous.” He said, causing you to laugh. You noticed how flustered he was getting, his face was turning red. “C’mon love! let’s walk closer to the edge. The rocks are so beautiful!”

“No, no, I’m good. Really.” You laughed nervously.

“No really, it’s fine! We’re like 20 feet away right now! It’s not that bad- wait.” A smirk appeared across his face. “You said earlier that everyone was scared of something. Could this be your something?” he turned around and stepped closer to you.

You scratched your hand as a nervous tick. “Maybe.”

“You’re scared of heights, aren’t you, Love?”

You nodded your head, the movement making the fabric of your romper purse a little so Roger could see right under your top. Could see everything.

“Well you pushed me earlier, it’s only fair if I-” and with that he picked you up under your shoulders and spun you around, earning an actual terrified scream from you. You hurriedly wrapped your arms around his neck and basically climbed up him like a tree; your legs now wrapped around his waist as you heavily breathed.

“Please don’t! Rog!” You screamed as he walked forward a little. Your position gave Roger a perfect view of your sheer top, and he couldn’t help but think things he shouldn’t want to.

“Baby,” he laughed, stroking your hair. “We’re still ten feet from the ledge. You’re fine.” You looked down at him.

“Just don’t go any closer.”

He laughed. “Yes ma'am.”

You caught him staring at you as you still sat with your legs around his waist. “Rog, stop staring.”

“I’m sorry, Love. I just can’t help it.” He blushed, his face inching closer to yours.

“Then don’t.” You responded, closing the final gap and hurriedly pressing your lips to his.

The kiss was hot and passionate, and as time went on, you each got more into it. You were running your fingers through his hair, as he was running his hands down your back and over your butt. Through breaths Roger said “C’mon, let’s go inside. This is wonderful, God, you’re wonderful. But I’m more of a tits guy than ass. We leave that to Brian.” Earning a laugh from you as you continued making out as he carried you inside.

Once inside, Roger carried you to his room and laid you on his bed, your lips parting for just a moment as he climbed on after you, hovering over the top of you as your lips passionately reconnected. As your lips started to work perfectly in sync, Roger brought a hand up your side and started gently squeezing your breasts. “You know you’re killing me in this jumpsuit right?” He said between breaths.

“That was the goal.” You smirked.

Roger gently slid the top of your jumpsuit over your shoulders leaving your chest completely exposed. His breath hitched.

“How are you so fucking perfect?” Before you could even answer, his lips were back on yours, and started trailing down your neck, immediately finding your most sensitive spot as a soft moan escaped from your lips. “I’ve barely even touched you, Baby.” He smirked.

“Shut up.”

He laughed and went back to your neck, lips trailing down to suck on your breast as he squeezed the other. He turned around and sat on the bed, picking you up and placing you on his lap so you were straddling him as your lips reconnected. With his hands on your hips he rocked you back and forth so you were grinding on top of him, his breath hitching in the back of his throat from the pleasure.

“Rog,” you moaned and he reached in his bedside table to grab a condom. “Wait.”

He stopped and looked at you.

“I can’t do this.” You said, a look of regret visible on your face.

“What?”

“I can’t do this. I want to, but-” you stopped talking to avoid crying, already getting choked up.

“What? Why? Baby, what did I do?” He said, sitting up and rubbing your shoulders as you pulled your top back up.

“It’s not you Rog, it’s-” He cut you off.

“Oh don’t pull that ‘it’s not you it’s me’ bullshit with me.” He said annoyed, running his hands through his hair.

“No, no, it’s- uh. Can you keep a secret?” You said, tears unwillingly streaming down your face.

“Yeah, Love, I can keep a secret between you, Freddie and I.” he joked, trying to make you smile.

“Freddie doesn’t know.” This just made you cry even harder, and he wrapped his arms around you in efforts to get whatever was bothering you out.

“Shh, it’s okay. I won’t tell him.”

“I’m going to a different school for my last two years.”

“Well that’s okay!” He smiled. “If it’s the best decision for you Fred won’t mind!”

“In Spain.”

“What?”

“I’m going abroad in Spain for two years. I’ll be home for breaks and stuff, but I won’t be here all the time. I feel awful, because I’m putting Freddie out of a place to live. I just haven’t found it in me to tell him.”

“You gotta tell him, Love. Brian and I will take him in, no problem. But he’s gotta know. He’s gotta prepare to move out.”

“I know.”

“It’ll all be just fine.” He said, putting your head on his shoulder.

“You have no idea how much I want you, Rog.” You whispered, crying again.

“Then you can have me, Baby. This isn’t anything to cry about, Love!”

“No I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t break your heart.”

“No!” He smiled. “You won’t break it, you’ve already got it.”

“Roger.” You said coldly. “I'm going to a different country for two years.”

“We can make this work.” He tried reasoning with you.

“Rog, I’m sorry,” you said, standing up. “I have to end whatever ‘this’ is.”

“No, Baby, please.” He said, standing up and grabbing your hands. You could see he was tearing up. “You have no idea how much I want this. How much I want you.”

“I want it too.” You whispered.

“Than it’s yours!” He exasperatedly sighed. “You’ve got me! We can talk on the phone all the time, I’ll save up money and fly you home on holiday.”

“Roger! I can’t start a relationship just to break both of our hearts and leave for two years. You’ve got to understand that!”

“Please don’t do this. If you do, you’ll have already broken my heart. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this, and then to have it taken away.” He shook his head in disbelief, blinking away the tears.

“I know.”

“Please just give me the rest of this weekend. Acting like we were together like we just were, I mean. I just want to know what it’s like to have you be in love with me too. Even if it’s just for a moment, I just wanna know.” He said pressing his forehead against yours. There was a moment of silence. You wanted it too, wanted to pretend you were together for the rest of the weekend, but knew it’d make it harder to say goodbye.

“Okay.” You whispered, nodding your head and softly pressing your lips to his.

“You still wanna go shop a little?”

You nodded your head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roger pulled into the small parking lot off the busy street filled with small mom and pop shops, candy stores, and personal boutiques. You rode there hand in hand as Roger sang you whatever song came on the radio. He had really convinced you to take this whole “dating for the weekend” thing seriously. Said that even if you were only dating him for a couple days, he was proud that you'd even allow him to call you his girlfriend, and he wanted to let everyone know it. It honestly broke your heart to know how much he cared about you. You always wanted someone to treat you the way he was, and it would all be over in a couple days. It made you second guess your decision.

“Okay, Love. I just wanted to let you know,” he started, walking around the car to open your door for you, “anything you see and want in one of the stores you can have. I’ll buy it. That’s what a boyfriend does, and besides, I brought some extra money so I could buy you things.”

You grabbed his hand as he helped you up out of the car. “Rog, you really don’t have to-”

“Yes I do. And don’t even try to say that I’m not your boyfriend. You know I am.” He winked.

“At least today you are.” You sarcastically replied.

“Yup. Today and tomorrow too.” He said grinning ear to ear as he pecked the side of your head. You could tell he thought he was the luckiest guy in the world. That broke your heart too.

The first store you went into was a beautiful boutique. You noticed an outfit on a mannequin, a white gauze half shirt that tied in the middle with jean bell bottoms that were embellished with white lines out of the same material as the shirt.

Roger noticed you staying at it. “Go ask her for it in your size so you can try it on, Love.” He urged you. He stood over to the side as he saw the woman get you a fitting room and hand you the outfit. You came out with the outfit on and a smile on your face and gasped,

“Oh Roger, look!” You said, twirling around.

“You look wonderful, Love.” He smiled as he watched you look in the mirror, and go back in the dressing room to get changed. While changing, he

walked over to the clerk and said, “Excuse me, uh, could you sell me that whatever size she had on in that shirt and pants while she’s getting changed?” The woman nodded and grabbed the pants from the table and shirt from the rack, and cashed Roger out.

As you slid the curtain over, back in your sheer romper, you found Roger standing outside the dressing room, holding a bag out for you. “Here, Baby.” He smiled.

You gasped, “Roger you didn’t!” As you looked in the bag to find the outfit you just had on. He just smiled back at you and gave you a hug, grabbing your hand and leading you out the door as he said goodbye to the woman. “Do you know how much those were?!”

“Mhm.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Rog.”

“But I wanted to! Told ya’ I was gonna get you anything you liked. You’re worth it.” He smirked, leaning down to kiss you on the lips.

I could get used to this if I wasn’t leaving soon.

Next, you went into a store that had handmade soaps and lotions and you and Roger walked around smelling each of the scents, agreeing on some and laughing about how you disliked others.

“So, you like the Rose?”

“Yeah,” You said tentatively. “but-”

“Hey! No “but’s”. You like it, you got it.” He smiled, walking over to the counter with all the rose scented items and grabbing two rose candles, rose bath salts, body wash, lotion, a bath bomb, the floating soaps in the shape of roses, and the rose perfume.

“Roger, this is too much.” You said, grabbing some of the items to put back on the shelf.

“Nope. I said I’m getting it for you!” He teased, grabbing the soaps and putting them back in the bag. “You know, since we actually are dating, maybe we could even try all this out together later.”

You rolled your eyes. “In your dreams, Taylor. How do you even have the money for this?”

“I have my ways.” He winked, and turned to go to the counter to pay.

“Roger!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With your new bag in tow, the two of you walked hand in hand down the busy streets toward the bar at the end of the strip to get hamburgers for dinner.

“You know Rog,”

“Hmm?”

“I guess sharing the bath things might be kinda fun later.” You blushed.

“Really?” He smiled like a little child.

You nodded your head, too embarrassed to admit your true thoughts to him.

“You’re amazing.” He smiled, stopping to lean down and kiss your cheek.

As he looked up, he realized you were stopped in front of an Italian jewelry store called Giuseppe's. “Wanna go in?” He urged.

“Sure, but I just want to look, Roger. I do not want anything. You understand?” Letting other people buy you things always made you feel guilty.

He nodded as he opened the door for you.

Everything inside the store was gorgeous. The two of you “ooh’d” and “awed” at the detailed pieces in front of you in each display box you walked past. As you reached the rings, an old man who you assumed was Giuseppe walked over from the other side of the store to stand across from you.

“Can I help you with anything?”

Before Roger answered, you shot back, “Oh no, thank you. We’re just looking.” You said, squeezing Rogers hand as your fingers were still intertwined to make sure he didn’t try to refute you.

The old man nodded and started to walk away before adding, “You know, you two make an absolutely gorgeous couple. You’re young, but you’re so great together I wouldn’t have any trouble selling you a ring for her today, young man.”

“Oh we’re-” Roger cut you off.

“Absolutely smitten with one another. And thank you, sir. I really appreciate it. We both do. I feel so lucky to be able to call her mine.” Roger smiled as he pulled you in closer to him. You could tell he genuinely meant it too. It broke your heart.

You kept looking around the store, and let out a soft gasp. “Roger, look!” It was a gold necklace with a pendant in the shape of a treble clef, embellished with diamonds. “It’s gorgeous.”

“It’s perfect.” He added.

Before he could even think about purchasing it, you said, “Oh but I don’t want it. It’s fine. I’m quite hungry. We should go.” pulling his arm to get to the door. He was shocked to say the least, with every intent on buying that necklace for you. “Thank you so much for your kind words, sir.” You smiled.

“Oh no problem, darlin’. And son,” he spoke to Roger. “When it’s time, there will always be a ring waiting for you here.” He smiled.

“Thank you, sir. I sure hope so.” He smiled, grabbing your hand and leading you out the door.

As you reached the bar, Roger sighed in exasperation. “Ugh, I have to run back to the car, Love. I forgot a pill I have to take with dinner.” He ran his hands through his hair, clearly annoyed. “I’ll only be a moment. Go in and get us a table outside and I’ll be right back.” He smiled, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Oh it’s okay. You shouldn’t have to go by yourself. I’ll come with you.”

“No, Love. No girl of mine is going to walk all that way for one of my stupid mistakes.” He assured.

“Is it really that important Roger? You didn’t take a pill last night at dinner?”

“Uh- well I take it every other day. And yeah, it’s for my anxiety with the water, so yeah I’d say it’s pretty important.” He smiled.

“Okay, I'm sorry for doubting you.” You smiled, his hand on your cheek.

“Nah it’s alright, Love. Go on in and get us a seat. I’ll be right back.” He said, quickly pressing his lips to yours. He took two steps away, just letting go of your hand and called back to you, “I love you.” You didn’t say anything back. You didn’t know what to say, it just made you smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roger returned about fifteen minutes after you were seated, and after you two finished eating, it was dark outside; creating a picture perfect scene as you walked throughout the little town. There were white lights wrapped around the trees and hanging over the shops as if you were in a fairy wonderland.

There was a small garden in the middle of the town which was also embellished with lights. The two of you walked through it hand in hand, completely speechless at the beautiful sparkly scene in front of you. You came to a bench, and sat down, Roger putting his arm around you as you rested your head on his shoulder.

“It’s so beautiful here.” You smiled.

“I’m glad you like it. Are you having fun?”

“Oh, Roger, you have no idea. This trip has taken such a weight off my shoulders. Honestly feels like the most fun I’ve had in years.” You laughed.

“Good, good.” he paused. “I’m sorry I said ‘I love you’ earlier. Kinda awkward.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Rog. There’s multiple ways to love people, not just romantically. That’s how I’ve always felt about the phrase. Freddie and I tell each other we love each other just about every day. So, in that sense, I should be the one apologizing. I didn’t say it back.” You looked up at him. “I hope I can make up for it, though.” You joked. “I love you too, Rog.” You said, as if talking to a young child. You knew you weren’t saying it in the same context as he had earlier. You were reminding yourself not to get too attached, even though you wanted to express your feelings in the same way he had just an hour or so before.

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “I got you something!”

“Not something else!” You laughed.

“You know, Y/N. Most girls want their boyfriends to buy them things.”

Their boyfriends.

He really considered himself your boyfriend for these next days to come. You wondered how he was so mentally okay with allowing himself to dive fully in, knowing he’d have to give it all up in a matter of days.

“It’s not that I don’t, I just always feel bad. Like I owe you something in return.”

“You don’t, and never will, Love.” He smiled, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a small black box that had a white ribbon around it. “Here, open it.” He smiled, putting the box in your hands.

“You’re too much, Roger.” You shook your head, untying the ribbon. As you opened the box, you gasped. “Roger! You didn’t!”. It was the treble clef necklace from earlier.

“Well I saw how much you liked it,”

“But jewelry is expensive, Rog. I’m not worth that.”

“Hey,” he said in all seriousness, grabbing your shoulders and making you look at him. “Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that. You’re worth all the gems in the world.”

You got choked up at his kindness, unable to form words. “H-how?”

“I went back to the store when I told you to get a seat. And look!” He said, pulling a necklace out of his shirt. “I bought myself the one that matches. It isn’t as girly as yours, you know it doesn’t have all the gems, but they go together. Because-” he said, taking your necklace out of the box. “If you line them up the right way, they make a heart.” He smiled. At this point, tears of happiness were running down your cheeks. No one had ever been so thoughtful in your life. “Want me to put it on?” You nodded.

Roger put the necklace on you, and you couldn’t stop smiling. “I don’t even have enough words to thank you.” You gushed, grabbing squeezing his hand and pulling him in for a big hug. “And this time, I really do mean it, and I think in the way you meant it when you said it the first time. I really do love you, Roger Meddows Taylor.”

“Oh, Baby, how I love you too.” He smiled. Your eyes fluttered shut as he leaned in to kiss you. It was a soft, short, but meaningful kiss, as it seemed to display your feelings for one another. You opened your eyes with your noses touching, each of you smiling like a child on Christmas morning, your arms around his neck with his arms around your waist as he pulled you closer next to him on the bench. It was his next comment which made you happier than you’d ever been before, yet also made you feel like you could cry for all eternity because you knew in the next forty eight hours you’d be pretending this was all a beautifully constructed fantasy, yet having everlasting pain in your heart as you yearned for his love to be in your life for the rest of your days. He said:

“Y/N, my Love, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life than I am sitting here with you right now. I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.”

A silent tear slid down your cheek as you leaned in to tell him you felt the same way without speaking a word as your lips reunited once again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were getting undressed in your room as Roger insisted on preparing a bath for you with your new soaps. You stripped completely and put on your short, silk pink night robe and put your hair in a bun. The only item of clothing you kept on was the necklace Roger had just bought you, and you smiled as it sparkled in your reflection.

You opened the door from your room to the bathroom to be immediately hit by a strong wall of rose, and to find it only lit by your new candles and some others Roger must have found around the house. He was seated fully clothed next to the large claw foot tub with one hand in it as the bathtub was just about half full. His head instantly perked up at the sight of you.

“Roger, this is absolutely gorgeous.” You gasped.

“Yeah,” he laughed nervously as he stood. “Just trying to make you happy, as usual.” You could tell he didn’t think you wanted him to stay with you.

“It’s so… romantic.” You seductively said as you walked toward him, toying with the belt on your robe as he visibly blushed before you.

“Well, uh- I don’t know.” he nervously laughed again. “Rose just gives off that vibe, you know?”

You laughed at his ignorance.

“Well, I’m just going to let you relax in here then,” he uncomfortably stated as he stumbled toward the door to his room. “I hope the water isn’t too hot or too cold. I could always help ya’ if you’d like.” He winked, grabbing his door handle.

“Roger,” you said, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your body flush against his. “Are you actually about to walk out of this bathroom while your girlfriend is pressed up naked against you, about to take an extremely romantic bath that you prepared for her?”

He gasped. “You just called yourself my girlfriend.” He smiled. It was like music to his ears.

“Well that’s what I am right now, aren’t I?”

He nodded. You could feel him getting hard against your stomach. “And wait- you’re not naked, Love.”

You quickly untied your silk robe and let it fall to the floor, completely revealing yourself to him. “Now I am.”

Roger smirked as you saw him lick his lips. “Always so fucking perfect.” He muttered. “So I take it you want me to take a bath with you?”

You nodded, lovingly dragging your hand along his jawline.

“If that’s what my princess wants, then that’s what she gets.” He smiled, scooping you up and setting you in the bathtub as he started to rid himself of his clothes. You watched him as he stripped, head resting in your hand as your arm leaned on the side of the bathtub. “You’re staring.” He teased in a sing-song voice as he took off his shirt.

“I want to.” You echoed back in the same tone. As you watched him undress, you snapped into reality, realizing how stupid you were being, and how hurt you’d be in the long run. But for a moment, and just for a moment, you mentally said,

“Fuck off conscious, I’m on vacation, and I’m technically Roger Taylor’s girlfriend right now so leave me the fuck alone.” That was the last you allowed yourself to hear from your conscious that weekend.

As he pulled down his boxers and his member sprang loose, you realized he was much thicker than you imagined. It made your breath hitch just at the thought. “Make room for me, Love.” he said, one foot stepping into the tub. You sat up, allowing him to lay back against the tub as you laid back with your chest pressed against his, the two of you making out until you had to reach up to turn off the water. There was no feeling of a necessity to have a sexual moment, the feeling of your nude bodies pressed against each other in the romantic atmosphere with his arms lovingly wrapped around your body was more than enough.

You must have fallen asleep, because the next thing you knew Roger was wrapping you in a towel, one already around his waist as he carried you bridal style to his room.

“Was I asleep, Rog?” You asked as he laid against the pillows still cradling you in his lap.

He laughed. “Yeah, think I was too, Love. I woke up like fifteen minutes ago. Sat there appreciating how beautiful you were for a little while, then got up and dried myself off before doing the same for you and carrying your arse in here. You’re the hardest person to wake up, you know that?”

“Freddie has definitely told me that before.” You chuckled. “Why, how bad was it this time?”

“I tried talking to you to get you to wake up, and nothing. Then I tried rubbing your arm, also nothing. Eventually I had to shake you, and you mumbled “I’m awake, I’m awake” and just put your head back on my chest and fell asleep again. I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s quite adorable, really. I’m honestly shocked you’re awake now.”

“Well I’m cold, that’s why.” You said, standing up.

“Where are got going?”

“To get my pajamas?” You said, curious as to why he was asking you all these questions. “Like I said, I’m cold.”

“Wait. No girlfriend of mine needs pajamas to stay warm he said, standing and engulfing you in a huge hug and he nuzzled his head in your neck we he lovingly kissed it.

“Roger,” you laughed, hands rubbing through his hair.

He turned you around and laid you on the pillows as he hovered over top of you, his nose pressing yours as you both had childlike grins on your faces, hands intertwined.

“Baby?” he said.

“Hmm?”

“Want a massage with that new lotion I bought you?”

“Do I not already smell like rose?” You laughed.

“Ehh, not enough.” He said as he said up and grabbed the lotion off the nightstand. “Where do you want me to start, Love?”

“Wherever you want.” You smirked, and he slowly peeled the towel off your body as if he was touching fine china. You noticed him gasp a little as a large, closed mouth grin appeared on his face.

“I’m never gonna get used to how beautiful you are.” He shyly admitted as he put some lotion on his hands, and started massaging your breasts.

“Roger!” You laughed.

“What?”

“Really? There?”

“You said anywhere I want, Love.” He said, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. His hands continued their squeezing as his fingers toyed with your nipples causing you to squirm beneath his touch. He rolled you over on your stomach and put some more lotion on your back as he gave you the best back massage you’d ever had. You weren’t sure if it was because of the situation you two were in, or if it was from his calloused hands from drumming, but his hands seemed to rub away all your tension and pain, putting you in a euphoric state of mind. His hands trailed down and he lovingly ran his hands over your curves. As he started to squeeze, through labored breaths you said, “Roger- I need you to touch me now.”

“Y/N, I believe I’m already touching you.” He smirked as you rolled on your back.

“Fuck off, you know what I mean.” You said, clearly annoyed as you pulled him down so he was almost laying on top of you into an extremely passionate kiss.

Your hands rubbed up and down his back as his lips trailed down your neck, working on the spot that made you moan the most. He left wet kisses as he sucked and nipped on your neck. Your small moans made him grunt, and one of his hands slid up and down your side as if he was worshiping your body. He smiled as he saw how you reacted to his movements, and started trailing down to suck on your breasts, switching between sides as his hand toyed with the nipple on the other side. Before continuing to trail down, he lovingly kissed your lips, and then kissed all over your stomach. Through your extremely limited amount of focus you noticed a bead of sweat sliding down his forehead, a complete look of bliss on his face. His hands were caressing your inner thighs as he allowed one to linger where you needed it most. He brought his face up to yours, his eyes clearly asking if you wanted to do this and you nodded, your nose rubbing against his as he simultaneously reconnected your lips as he started rubbing circles around your core to stimulate your nerves. As he inserted a finger, you closed your eyes and let out a long, drawn out moan.

“God,” he grunted, his hips bucking into your leg. He looked down to see the necklace he bought you shimmering between your breasts. It was perfect. His towel fell from around his waist. You felt his bulge before you could see it, all of a sudden making what you two were doing extremely prevalent in your head. You already knew you were getting attached, exactly what you were trying to avoid.

Then you opened your eyes to see his ocean blue ones lovingly staring down at you. In that moment you’d never wanted anyone more. “God, you’re so tight.”

“It’s been quite a while” you managed to say as he slowly started pumping, and you quietly moaned, embarrassed from your last.

“Don’t”

“Don’t what?”

“Be as loud as you want, Baby. It turns me on.” He winked as he picked up the pace, shocking you and causing you to let out another loud moan in his mouth as you kissed, him taking advantage of the situation and inserting his tongue in your mouth, lips starting to move in sync with his thrusts.

He added in another finger, gently scissoring you as you tightly grabbed onto his shoulder from the little bit of pain that came with the immense amount of pleasure. His thumb started toying with your bud; you didn’t think you’d ever felt this much pleasure before. It caused you to whine out as you dug your finger nails in his shoulders.

He pulled away from the kiss, stopping his movements as you latched your lips onto his neck. “Was it too much?” He asked.

“God no, keep going.” You breathlessly said against his neck, the vibrations making him moan out in pleasure. He started up again, his movements much faster this time. He started to circle his fingers, curving them as you felt them hit your spot.

“Roger,” you loudly moaned.

“Jesus,” he breathed, reaching for his member and giving himself a couple pumps, causing you to smile.

“Baby,” you said, running your fingers through his hair. “I think it’s your turn now.” You smiled, flipping him over so you were now on top. You rode his fingers for a moment before removing them, and you slid back so you were sitting on his thighs. He looked at you expectantly, as if he couldn’t wait for what was to come next. Just as you were bending down, you heard him let out a soft chuckle.

“What?”

“It’s just funny.” He smiled lovingly.

“What’s funny? I’m trying to be sexy.”

He laughed. “I know, but seeing you all prim and proper all the time, and now to see you like… well, like this. It’s just amusing. Like it’s not even the same person.”

“Well then I’m definitely gonna shock you now, Love.” You smirked, as you wrapped your mouth around him. You felt his legs tighten beneath you as he squeezed his eyes shut, and his breathing grew heavy. You bobbed your head up and down, earning a groan from him. You felt his precum in your mouth, which you seductively licked off his tip, looking up at him.

“God, your eyes” he moaned, squirming beneath you, bucking his hips further into your mouth. You pulled off of him making a popping sound as you gripped him with your hand, continuing the pace you set with your head as you journeyed up to join your lips with his.

The taste of himself on you and was almost too much for him, and he groaned as your tongues intertwined, one hand toying through your hair while one squeezed your breast. Between your kisses he breathlessly said, “Faster, Y/N”

As you started moving your hand faster, his hips bucked harder as he grabbed the sheets, his moans getting louder and more frequent. To appease yourself, you started grinding on his leg, which almost made him finish right there. You felt him start to twitch, as he said, “I’m close, Love.” and you stopped moving.

You both looked at each other.

You knew what this meant, where you were.

Most importantly, what came next.

You took a deep breath and sighed as you ran your fingers through your hair.

You wanted to, so bad. No one had ever treated you as kindly as Roger had, but you knew how hard this would make it to let go. You looked to the left at the condoms on the table, and to the right at Roger’s suitcase. A symbol of travel. You knew you’d be leaving for two years, yet something told you not to let this go. You were so conflicted that tears welled in your eyes as you realized most people didn’t know the pain of giving up something so beautiful and perfect for the betterment of their future, a tribulation that you now had to face too frequently. You blew out a puff of air to try to blink away the tears from the complexities of your lifestyle. His hand reached up and lovingly caressed the side of your face.

“Hey, hey, please don’t cry. I know what you’re thinking about. I know how much harder this will make it in a couple of days, so we don’t have to do this.” He said. You looked up at the ceiling to avoid embarrassment. “Hey, Y/N. Look at me.” You brought your eyes down to his. “We don’t have to do this. There are other ways we can both finish, or we just won’t at all. I mean, I’ll have to, but you can just go take a shower or something.” He laughed. “Whatever way you think will make saying goodbye easier is what I’m for.” He smiled, though he was clearly smiling through a heavy load of pain in his heart.

You didn’t say anything for a couple minutes, just looking at him in all of his sparkling beauty while your heart and your mind went head to head. And then suddenly felt it.

There was a new fighter in the battle.

A stronger fighter.

Lust.

The throbbing in your core became unbearable, and as much as you knew it’d hurt you, in that moment you wanted him more than anything.

Hungered for him.

“Fuck it.”

You lunged for a condom, tearing it open with your teeth, and as you pulled it out he grabbed your wrist, taking your full attention. “We don’t have to do this. I don’t want this to be harder than it has to be, Baby.”

“But I want to.” He wasn’t convinced. He still looked at you hesitantly. As you rolled on the condom, you bent down and huskily whispered in his ear, “I need you.”

“Fuck.” He whined.

You positioned him underneath you as you slid down, a gasp coming from your mouth as he heavily breathed, “Oh my god.”

Then, you realized what day it was. It was Saturday night. You were supposed to leave tomorrow. You didn’t want to leave this tomorrow. You wouldn’t. Your heart couldn’t handle it.

“We’re not leaving tomorrow, right?” You asked.

“Oh hell no.” He smirked.

“Good,” you said as you bent down to graze your nose against his. Just as you were about to kiss him he cried,

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, fucking move!”

Which made you laugh as your hands intertwined and you started rocking on top of him, immediately at a fast pace.

He tightly squeezed your hands as he fidgeted beneath you, loudly groaning.

“This okay?”

“Perfect.” He said through hitched breaths.

And it was. Your bodies seemed to find a perfect rhythm effortlessly. He filled you up perfectly. Your hands intertwined as if they were two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together. You seemed made for each other. And at this moment, it didn’t seem that anything, even thousands of miles, a sea, and a different country could do anything to change that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roger woke up first, as he expected to. Your bodies were still nude and intertwined, you were facing him and his arm held you lovingly into his body. Even though this had only been his life for two days, he never wanted it to end, knowing fully once you two returned home it’d be like it never happened. It killed him. Right now, he wanted you more than anything in the world, and wanted to show the world you were his. As he looked down in between yourselves, he couldn’t help but smile. Somehow, in the middle of the night, your matching necklaces found each other, intertwining and forming a heart.

He found it quite symbolic of how your love was to play out. Though it could have been due to the fact that he was grasping for straws at the moment; anything to convince him that this relationship would happen. That even in the darkest moments, when you were the furthest away from each other, and things seemed impossible, your love would prevail. He bent his head down and kissed your sleeping lips, as your eyes flushed open and lips curved into a smile.

“Hello, gorgeous.” He said placing a kiss on your cheek.

“Good morning, my Love.” You responded back, a blush appearing on your cheeks as you smiled. You moved your legs so your left leg wasn’t on the bottom of all four of your legs, and you both let out a small groan of pain.

“You’re sore too?” He asked.

“Well that’s what happens when you do it five times in a night, Roger.” You said sarcastically.

“What do ya’ want from me love? You’re so gorgeous, I couldn’t help it.” He whined.

“I know,” you smiled as his hands slid down your sides and started squeezing your curves.

“Roger, I don’t think I could handle another round right now.” You laughed.

“But morning se-”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No!” You smiled. “We wouldn’t be able to move and enjoy our beach day!”

“Okay, fine.” He resigned, kissing your cheeks and all over your face to wake you up.

“I’ve got to admit, this really is the best way to wake up.” You laughed.

“You can wake up like this every day you’re in the same country as me, if you want.” He smiled hopefully.

“Roger.” You said sternly.

“I know.”

“I don’t want it to end, that’s part of the reason I wanted to stay another day.” You admitted.

“Me too. Depending on the weather maybe we could even stay Monday night!” He encouraged.

“And forget about school?”

“Eh it’s October. We can be sick.” He said, making you laugh.

“We gonna call Freddie and Bri?”

“Nah. As far as I’m concerned, we’re the only two people on the Earth until we get back in London. That’s when we can break out of our fantasy. Until then, I don’t want to call home. I’ll deal with all that shit when I get there. No sense in dealing with it now and worrying about it for the rest of our trip.”

“Okay.” You smiled.

“So what's our plan today, my dear?”

“Beach, food, disco later?” You suggested.

“Whatever you want, my Love.” He said, placing a kiss to your nose.

Bliss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat on a large rock at the top of the beach in your yellow and white gingham frilled bikini as Roger took pictures of you. Pictures of you smiling,

laying down, making peace signs, blowing him a kiss, everything. He was making you laugh as he pretended he was a professional photographer and you were his model.

“Perfect!”

“Amazing!”

“Just like that!”

“Hold it!”

“Gorgeous, Darling, gorgeous!”

Now you were laughing hysterically.

“What?”

Through your laughs you managed to get out, “You sound like Freddie!” Now you both were laughing, and he walked over to the rock as you sat on its edge, wrapping his arms around your waist as he showed you the photos he took and you kissed the top of his head.

“Excuse me?” The guy of another couple who seemed a couple years older than you and Roger asked the two of you. You both looked up to find the other pair smiling at you.

“Would you like me to take a picture of the two of you?” He asked.

“Oh yeah, mate. That’d be great. Thanks.” Roger said smiling as he handed the camera to the man and climbed on the rock next to you, pulling you into his lap. The two of you looked at the man smiling.

“3”

“Now Love,” Roger jokingly started as he whispered in your ear.

“2”

“If you breathe in as he takes the photo, it’ll push out your tits a little more.” He winked as he whispered in your ear.

“Roger?!” You said, causing you to start laughing hysterically.

“1!”

Roger quickly pressed a kiss to your cheek and wrapped his arms around you tighter.

“Aw, guys, that looks like that’ll be a great photo. Here, let’s just let it develop to make sure it came out okay.” The man said as Roger conversed with him.

After a minute or so, the man looked at the Polaroid in his hands and said “Yeah, that’s great you guys!”

“Thanks a lot, mate.” Roger said as he took the photo.

“Would you like us to take a picture of you two?”

You asked.

“Nah, that’s alright. We’ve got loads together. I know how hard it is not to have someone to take a picture sometimes though, so just wanted to help out.” He smiled as he walked away.

“Let’s see it, Rog!” You shrieked excitedly as he climbed onto the rock, sitting next to you. Your hands hurriedly took the photo from Roger.

“Oh my god, it’s actually perfect.” You smiled.

He took it from your hands, and as he smiled down at it, you saw tears well up in his eyes.

“What’s wrong Rog?” You immediately said, running your fingers through his hair as you pressed your forehead to his. “Why are you crying?”

“It’s nothing.” He said, wiping a tear from his eye.

“Roger.” You said, knowing fully something was eating away at him.

“It’s just, I know we extended our trip a day, and I’m so happy about that. But ever since we’ve said how we’ve been feeling, and with how amazing last night was, I’ve never been happier. I’m not ready for this to end, and I don’t want you to leave. Maybe you’ve felt this way about someone before, I don’t know, but I haven’t. I’ve been with a lot of girls, but none of them feel like you do. None of them make me feel the way you do. Please tell me I wasn’t the only one who felt it last night.”

“I felt it too.” You shakily admitted. You knew he’d caught you. “It’s like we were-”

“Made for each other? And not just sexually. In every aspect of the phrase, right?”

You nodded your head, biting your lower lip, knowing a heartbreak would be coming both of your ways in a matter of days.

“You know what I saw when I woke up this morning? Our necklaces found their way together overnight. They made a heart on their own. We can make this work. Please, I want to make this work. You have no idea how much it means to me.” He pleaded. “I know you’re going away, but it won’t even seem like we’re apart. I’ll make sure of it. I was planning on telling you this on the way home, but I’ll tell you now. I’m giving you my car.”

“What?”

“I’ve been saving up for a while, and I want the new Alfa Romeo. You need a car, and I made a call right when we got here the other day. There’s a boat that’s much cheaper than airfare that goes out of here to the top of Spain. Its about a day boat ride, and then you can just leave your car here at my beach house and either I can drive here, you could drive to London, or we could meet halfway. Whatever you wanna do. And you could come home all the time. I could see you at least once a month.”

You stuttered.

“I don’t want to lose this. Please. You were right; making love did make saying goodbye so much harder, and I really just don’t want to. I can’t. I think it’s for the better that we go through whatever major life changes one of us has together. I’ll support you through every decision you make, I just want to be there for you.”

“Roger, I don’t know.”

“I can’t let this go, because…” he trailed off.

“Because?” You asked. He paused.

“I’m in love with you.” He blurted out, tears freely flowing down his face.

Saying ‘I love you’ and being in love with someone are two completely different things. You were shocked.

“Please say something, Baby.”

You were speechless.

“Y/N?” He said, his voice cracking. He felt as if he knew your answer, yet needed proof.

Meanwhile, inside your heart and mind were at war again, their previous defeater “lust” was nowhere to be found. You had two answers for him, you were just waiting for it to be narrowed down to one as you weighed the pros and cons in your head.

“Please, Love.”

You told yourself you had three seconds to make a decision.

Three.

“I can’t let this go.” He said, pushing your hair out of your face. “I’ve never been in love before. Now I know that love isn’t a thing, it’s a person.”

Two.

“You’re my love, Y/N”

One.

You inhaled to speak.

“I-”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @yourlocalmusicalprostitute , @bismillahnah , @deakysmisfire , @queer-heart-attack , @everything-you-dont-wanna-be , @mercurycrowley , @ikbenplant , @xcdelilahxc , @chekovs-davy-jones-wig , @laedymoon

A/N: Here it is again! Im gonna try to edit the rest later. Sorry for typos! Lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist. Q&A will be tomorrow!! You can literally ask me anything. Ge ready!

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fisherfurbearer · 4 years

Text

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

#jjst...ffeels like shes violating somethingg #and treating me a LOT like how my abusive mother used to treat me #why are you CRYING? you cant be trying here. this is a BUSINESS.#is a lot like Why Do You look so MISERABLE all the time?? why are you CRYING??#and shit like IGNORING ME when i try to change my hours #straight up ignoring me #she basically made it clear shed rather me QUIT than fuckingg chop 2 hours off my AVAILABILITY #ITS SO FRUSTRATING #AND SHES SUCH A HYPROCRITE #scheduled 7-2 every sunday!!#yet you cant change my availability to 7-7??#you NEED ot keep it until 9???#but working until 9 and getting home around 10 and getting no sleep because i need to take care of my pets and myself #and get up at 5:30 the next morning for work at 7 #WHEN THAT COULD EASILY BE ALTERED BY CHIPPING A COUPLE HOURS OFF MY AVAILABILITY #AND MY DOCTOR ALSO THINKS I NEED TO CHANGE IT TOO #BUT WHO FUCKING CARES RIGHT ITS A BU S I N E S S #SURE SURE BUT WHEN A CUSTOMER FLIPS THE SIGN ON A $7.94 SHIRT #TO SAY 0.94 CENTS #WITH THE CENTS SIGN!!!!#THEN I HA V E TO HONOR IT #THATS A+ BUSINESS RIGHT THERE #BITCH DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO APPROVE A COUPON ON SLEF CHECKOUT!!!!#AND OUR FRICKING STORE MAANGER MAKES TRIPLE FIGURES!!!#BUT NO ONE FUCKINGG CARES #NO ONE FUCKING CARES #I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMOREE #id dont want to have to lose my job and stability over this one person #but this isntt...ok #i shouldnt have to go to work and deal with MORE emotional abuse

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

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So from now on, your going to be asked unique questions, you ready? Yeah, we’ll see.

Alright. Can you listen to music while reading a book? No. I know I’d end up having to keep going back over what I was reading and wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

Do you wish you could ever hug yourself to see if your a good hugger? No.

Do you think you give good hugs? Do you even like hugging? Probably not. I like hugs from certain people, but I’m not a hugger by nature.

What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Peanut butter.

What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Banana is the best.

Is your best friend, TRULY a best friend? Or not... Yes.

If you see someone drop $5.00 w/o noticing, would you grab it? I’d let them know they dropped it.

Is there a certain guy in mind, you cant get OFF your mind? Nah.

How's my survey so far? Its my first one by the way... It’s fine.

Moving on, Do you wish summer could come just about now? Ew, nooo. It can stay away as long as possible. I dread summer. We’ve been having rainy and windy storm weather here the past few days and I absolutely love it.

I sure do. Do you miss the beach at all? Or miss tanning? I do miss the beach. I wasn’t able to go last year cause of COVID and I don’t know about this year either. :(

Is there a particular someone you can't help but stare at frequently? Um, no.

Do you love family guy? Isn't it the best show ever? No, it’s really not.

Aren't you sick of the same old basic boring surveys? I sure am... There is a lot of repetition, but when you’ve been taking surveys as long as I have I guess that’s to be expected. I’m surprised I still am able to find surveys to take at this point.

Do you ever look ahead of the calendar to see what school days you have off? I’m done with school.

Are Monday mornings the hardest mornings to wake up to? Everyday is hard for me to get up.

Have you ever cried silent tears? Ever during a song you were listening to? Yes and yes.

Do you have a cat that stares and meows at you often? I don’t have a cat. I’ve taken a few surveys lately that assume we all have a cat for some reason. What do you think of people that have a closed or boring imagination? I’m boring.

What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? Into the late/early hours.

Drama, Lies, Tears, Cheer To The Teenage Years! Do you agree? Nah.

Can you really ever relate to song lyrics? Yeah, definitely. That’s one of my favorite things about music.

Have you ever seen a really ugly dog, but pretended it was cute? Aww, that’s mean.

Do you like your popcorn regular, or do you put those flavored salts on? I love good ol’ buttery, salted popcorn, but there is this garlic parm popcorn seasoning I discovered awhile back that is also quite delicious.

Are the teenaged years most definitely the hardest years to go through? It is a difficult time for most, I think. You’re going through a lot of changes. You’re trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do. You’re doing a lot of learning and growing. I think there’s a lot of pressure, too. But everyone handles things different and some might not feel those were the hardest years of their lives. Like for me, I’d say these past few years have been my hardest.

Can others tell when your having an extremely bad day? Yes. I’m irritable and moody. I’m short and not in the mood to talk. It shows on my face.

Do you like taking cool pictures of random stuff? Are you into photography? Most of my camera roll is of my doggo, haha.

Do you like cream cheese on your bagels? Do you ever toast your bagels? Yes. Strawberry cream cheese is the best. And nah, I just eat them as is.

When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape.

Is shredded parmesan better than grated parmesan? I always just use the grated one in the convenient shaker container from the store.

Do you have Facebook? You should totally get Facebook. I have one.

Do you think Bzoink is the best site to get and take surveys from? I never go on Bzoink, but I know a lot of surveys I get from others on here come from there and they seem to be able to find a lot, so.

How come most informercials are on after midnight? I don’t know, honestly. That is kind of weird. Maybe they think people up that are late and lonely and and sad and looking to do some retail therapy, ha.

Speaking of informercials, do you think they should play more during the day? Nooo.

Do you like those flavored cream cheeses? Or just regular cream cheese? I like regular and strawberry.

Do you agree with the statement: "Food tastes better after midnight"? I always thought cereal tasted better at night.

Did your parents ever have bad acne when they were kids/teens? My dad said he did. My mom said she didn’t really have an acne problem. She has really nice skin, actually. My grandma did, too. I did not inherit that gene, sadly.

Do you like your own smile? Has anyone ever complimented you on your smile? No, I don’t. People have in the best.

Is your hair unhealthy or breaking? Do you have any split ends? I do have some split ends. My hair is overdue for a trim.

Does your cat like cheese? Does your cat get diarrhea from eating it? --

Have you ever stayed home from school just because you were WAY too tired? I did that in college sometimes. Like, I’d check the syllabus to see what was going on that day in class and if I knew what the assignments were and there wasn’t anything big going on that day then I’d sometimes skip if I really wasn’t feeling up to it.

Do you enjoy making the surveys more, or taking the surveys.? I don’t make ‘em, I just take ‘em.

Is your pet lactose intolerant? Are you lactose intolerant? I don’t think dogs can have dairy, right? Yes, I’m lactose intolerant.

Would you like a non-virgin Pina Colada or Daiquiri? Neither, I don’t drink.

Do you have a nice purse? Do you like your purse? Do you even have a purse? I’ve switched to mini backpacks and I have a few now. My Baby Yoda one and my R2D2 one are my favorites.

Do you like to eat frozen dinners now and then? Are they a quick filler? I used to eat Healthy Choice and Smart One meals all the time, but it’s been awhile. They do make quick filler meals, but they’re not very filling.

Did you hate being forced to stand and sing the national anthem as a kid? We were asked to stand for the national anthem, but not to sing it.

We're at question 50! Do you wish you had 50 bucks right now? That would be nice.

How do you feel about having a crush on someone? Is it fun, or a hassle..? It’s a mix of emotions.

How do you feel about boyfriend stealers? Have you ever stole someone's bf? Uh, it’s shitty, don’t do it. No, I’ve never stolen someone’s boyfriend.

If so, was it an honest accident? Or totally on purpose >:P ? -

How do you feel about Starbucks? Is it addicting? (Im addicted) I do love my Starbucks. *sips my Starbucks drink now*

Did you like dunkaroo's, gushers, and fruit rollups and such as a kid? Dunkaroos were the best.

Speaking of those goodies, do you still like to have them now and then? I haven’t had any of those in several years. Dunkaroos were actually discontinued for a long time, but they recently brought them back. I’ve yet to have them, though.

I don't know about you, but I LOVE music, is music a huge part of your life? Not so much anymore. I haven’t been listening to music lately, like honestly not at all for the past month. It’s weird.

When you make someone's day, do you feel really good inside? It’s a nice feeling.

Do you think I should make another survey? If I did, would you take it? Sure. There isn’t a tag on this survey, though, so I wouldn’t know if it was yours or not.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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softforimjaebum · 7 years

Text

죄라 (4)

Im Jaebum x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: Angst

Summary: “How do you antifreeze?” “How?” “Steal her blanket”

Author’s Note: Spoiler; it is a little bit of a pun fest, and I refuse to apologise for it. Thank you for reading!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

You woke up the next day, in your all familiar bed with an all familiar smell. He tainted everything, and everyone. Including you.

You didn't really remember how you got in your bed, the last thing you could remember was being in Jackson’s car. You were guessing he was the one who got you safely in bed too. Which is when a sudden panic hit you; in your frenzy to leave the club, you had forgotten to pick up your clutch from the booth. It had some money and your phone, the second one being of way more importance.

As you were leaving your bed to possibly have to make a run back to the club, you were taken aback to see your phone charging on your bedside table with your clutch kept neatly propped up on it.

Jackson Wang; truly your knight in shining armor.

You checked your phone, groaning when you saw it was way past when you were supposed to be at the office.

The office. Your stomach churned uncomfortably at the very thought of the JYPE building. Even if the offices were a completely different section than where you would usually find the idols, and even if your job was way more involved with the trainees than the already debuted idols, it wasn't unusually to bump into them somewhere or the other. The bumping into each other is what kept your friendship with GOT7 alive after your temporary work with them was over.

You never took days off, not even sick leaves. Whether you were dying of a cold or had fever high enough to be able to cook stuff on your own body, you showed up to work. Not because your bosses were devils who didn't give you any time off, but because you liked your work. It didn't seem like work on most days.

But today you were still half asleep at the unacceptable hour of 11am on a Monday morning. So you texted you boss, telling him you were sick and you had only just woken up. And given your track record and friendly relationship with him, you knew he wouldn't mind one bit. If you were staying home as a sick day off he knew it had to have been bad.

There were a couple of other texts, the most important of which was from Jackson asking you to let him know when you've woken up and if you're doing okay. That was sent at 8am, when GOT7’s practice starts. You decided on texting him later, who knows where his phone would be right now? And more importantly with whom it could be with.

After you were done texting your boss, you made a mental to-do list in order of the necessity of the things you needed to get done.

While you knew you were hungry and should have been eating right away, there was a voice in your head constantly reminding you of exactly what had happened on these very sheets the day before. So you decided that the first order of the day was to wash your sheets, again. This time you put in a little more than the necessary amount of the really flowery detergent, hoping it could somehow wash away the memories that were made on it along with everything else.

Your stomach grumbled loudly enough to pull you from your thoughts. Even if food was the last thing you wanted to be worrying about you had to feed yourself. Life had to take its course of moving on whether you were ready to tag along or not, so keeping yourself fed was an important part. Or so you reasoned with yourself to make yourself get to your kitchen and make some food.

You dragged yourself out of your room, dreading to go to your kitchen and have vague memories of him there when a voice took you by surprise.

“You haven't eaten since last night have you?”

You let out a small scream, not expecting anyone to be home let alone the girl in front of you. If Cat was here it meant Jackson was worried enough to call her. And while you appreciated his worry, calling your closet friend during a time you knew she was busy with her work made you feel uneasy.

“What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the gallery?”

“Have you had anything to eat since last night?” Cat asked, ignoring your question completely.

You shook your head.

“Okay, I got us some pizza on my way here. And I have Brooklyn Nine-Nine streamed on your Netflix. Help me get everything set up”

“Okay”

And just like that, your late morning turned into an early lunch. You realised it was a good thing Jackson had told her. If he hadn't, you would stay living inside your head all day and that would just do you no good. Cat didn't ask any questions, knowing you would talk to her when you were ready. But even that little human contact was good for you.

Cat left late in the afternoon, deciding to indeed check up if everything was working perfectly at the gallery. And you continued to binge watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine wrapped up in the softest comforter you could find.

When you noticed that the lounge had gotten considerably darker, you decided you may as well get a head start on the dinner. Your roommate would probably be curious, and while you were really good friends you both were often known to lead very independent lives.

You knew she would be there for you when you needed her, and she knew that you would do the same. But both of you never felt the need to constantly keep in touch, even when you lived in the same house. Most days you would have dinner together, but even when you didn't it wasn't such a big deal for either of you.

Midway through the dinner prep, the bell rang and your heart rate instantly picked up. The two people who lived in the apartment never rang the bell. It was a thing between the two of you, both of you always carried keys and would let yourselves in regardless of whether the other one was home or not. Which meant that this bell ringer was someone else.

Before you would control it your mind instantly raced to Jaebum. What if it was him?

You mentally cursed yourself for that being the first thing you thought of. Why would it be him? What sort of wishful thinking had you landed yourself in?

You opened the door only to be engulfed in black hoodie followed by a tiny bark coming from below you.

“Noona!” you heard the black hoodie say, immediately recognising the voice that said it. “You didn't text Jackson hyung. And you didn't come to office today, we were so worried!”

Jackson Wang was about to need some life saving at this rate.

“Noona did you have lunch today? Have you had water?” Youngjae continued rambling as he held you.

You hugged him back, but it soon turned out to be a difficult task to continue.

“Yah Choi Youngjae! You're suffocating me”

He pulled back and smiled sheepishly at you.

“Noona is too small, what do I do?”

You hit his arm playfully and turned to the other one who was desperately wanted your attention on her.

“My little Coco, come here” you said to her, her tail wagging even more vigorously upon hearing her name being called out.

You continued to coo at Coco and pet her, while Youngjae took it upon himself to close your main door and invite himself in.

15 minutes later, all three of you were cuddled up on the sofa watching anime. Coco was squished between you and Youngjae, who kept talking mid way through, not that you minded. You loved Youngjae and just his presence was making you feel more at ease.

You texted Jackson in the pee break Youngjae took, telling him that you were fine and didn’t get around to texting him because you were worried about who he would be with. Jackson’s reply was instant.

You chose one hell of a time. I’m with him for the first time in the day right now. Talk to you later <3

Your heart dropped at the insinuation of Jaebum, but Youngjae was back from his pee break. You told him that you had texted Jackson like he had asked and the conversation took a very unexpected turn.

He told you how he was babysitting Coco and couldn't show up at the club the night before, and how Jackson did not feel like going back to the dorms after dropping you off so he had crashed at Youngjae’s apartment instead; where he had also ended up telling Youngjae about everything that had happened. He confessed that he was afraid things were going to turn sour between Jaebum and you when he first found about your little arrangement.

“Wait, how did you guys know about- you know- everything?”

He paused for a second.

“Ah noona, wasn't it too obvious? The way hyung looked at you sometimes, it made all of us uncomfortable at the tension in the room really”

You looked at Youngjae’s comical expression and it made you smile at him and lightly shoved him away.

“And how you and hyung would not be available at the same times, that was way too obvious”

So as it turns out all of them had known about you and Jaebum, which made you feel just a little better. This would mean there wouldn't be any awkward questions about why you weren't spending as much time with them in your free time.

Looking back, you knew you spent a little too much time with these boys. Your work had shifted to focusing on the JYP trainees and yet any time work was slow or you were free you were up in their practice room. It wasn't even because of Jaebum, you were just good friends with the boys. There had even been times you had hid in their practice room and times when you were swamped with work but you chose to bring it all to their practice room. You had sat on the couch that was always kept at the back of the room and done your work while they had learnt their choreography.

You suddenly remembered the half prepped food you still had in the kitchen, and invited Youngjae to stay for dinner. He agreed on the condition that he got to help you make whatever you were making. While cooking pasta for three was an extremely easy task, he insisted on helping and so you let him.

Youngjae cut the tomatoes for the pasta sauce while you cooked the marinated chicken. Admittedly it took a lot less time to cook with Youngjae helping you around.

An hour later, you were all sitting at the dinner table that you had been sitting with Jaebum just the day before, Youngjae, your roommate and you, along with Coco enjoying the little meat you kept aside for her. You tried explaining everything to your roommate but apparently Jackson had told her everything when he carried you up to your bedroom the night before.

This boy really told everyone didn’t he?

It was an easy conversation after that, you sneaked in a little more chicken to a puppy eyed Coco much to the grump of Youngjae who whined to you about how ‘you're gonna spoil her and then she will ask me for more food’ to which you argued that as Coco’s aunt you had every right to spoil her.

A little while later, all of you were sitting in the lounge sofa watching a romantic comedy to which Youngjae’s loud laugh made everything funnier. Coco was sandwiched between you and Youngjae, blissfully asleep with you scratching behind her ear. And as you sat there with your friends, life seemed way more manageable than it seemed that morning.

A couple of hours later when Youngjae left, and you and your roommate got back to your own rooms, all the negative feelings came flooding back into your mind. It was like a tide of sadness hit you, and you were suddenly seeing Jaebum’s memories scattered everywhere in your room. It was like he was haunting you. Things didn’t seem nearly as manageable as it seemed just a little while ago.

That is how you ended up on the floor, curled up in a comforter watching anything and everything that kept your mind off him until exhaustion took over.

The next few days were a blur, you did what every clichéd heartbroken protagonist does; busied yourself with work. You were glad the admin sections in the JYPE building were completely separated from the practice rooms and any other idol related areas because that meant there was no chance of you accidentally bumping into him. All you had to do was avoid him in the elevators, which you had pretty mechanically done. You were aware of the usual times they were supposed to come in and leave, and you purposefully avoided the elevators during those times or hid out in your office.

Another thing you were glad for was the constant presence of your friends. The boys had taken it upon themselves to come meet you in their breaks, sometimes all of them would cram themselves into your tiny office and have lunch with you.

Yugyeom took it upon himself to buy himself choco shakes and buy you coffee, and visit you whenever he had any free time; no matter how much you told him he didn't need to spend every free moment he had with you.

Where once your den used to be the practice rooms, now it was Youngjae’s new apartment. It was close to the JYP building and Coco was there; double the excuse for you all to drop by his apartment every now and then.

You knew that Jaebum had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend, having had a very close call of bumping into her when Yugyeom and Bambam had once come over to whine to you to take them out for dinner and you had all left the building together. She was just entering and you had successfully hidden behind Yugyeom while Bambam distracted and dropped her till the elevators.

It wasn't like you hadn't expected it; you knew the day you walked out of that club that they would end up back together. They always got back together. Maybe it was fate or maybe it was bad decisions, but it happened every time so you tried to not let it faze you. It fazed you, more than you ever let on, but pretending that it didn’t until you believed it yourself was how you chose to deal with that situation.

In the month that followed, apart from the brief moments of hope you found when you were with you’re the boys and Cat, the only relief you found in life was in the form of a dear friend of yours finally being back in the city after a long tour.

Song Minho was exactly who you needed to take your mind off of everything that was happening. He insisted on catching up with you over lunch, and was currently on his way to pick you up and take you to Aori Ramen, where admittedly, you were hoping to catch a glimpse of Seungri.

After all, you would be crazy to not be a fan of Big Bang.

Minho was a shameless flirt and in the best way possible. He flirted not because he wanted to get in your pants but because he knew his cheesy pick up lines made you laugh. You had picked up a bad habit from him in the form of making really bad puns.

The bell rang just as you had put your bag together, and you found yourself really excited in to meet him after so long. You took the bag and quickly hurried to the door.

“Show Mino money!” you chirped. “How have you been?”

Mino laughed at you, shaking his head as he leaned in to hug you.

“When are you going to let me forget that awful pun?”

“Never” you said, hugging him back.

Minho was so familiar, in all the good ways too. You had known him the longest out of the whole lot of people you knew in the industry. You had bumped into him in your first year of college, before Winner had debuted, even before Team A was a thing. Initially you didn’t think that after his debut you would able to stay in touch with him, but Minho had turned up on your doorstep one night, takeout and a couple of soju bottles in hand, tired of the pressure he was under. You knew after that night that fame wasn’t getting in the way of this friendship.

“Okay let’s go I’m dying for lunch” he hurried you, handing you the keys from the hook they were hanging on near the door.

You quickly put on your shoes, and locked your door. You were probably starving just as bad as him, which was saying something.

Once you were both seated and had finished ordering food, Minho showed you pictures of Johnny and told how she had been bossing around the rest of the pets at the dorm. You missed Johnny so much, and he made you promise you would come visit everyone soon. You were glad to agree that whenever they had time next time around, you would drop by.

The food came and you both initially got busy trying to stuff your face with as much as food as possible. The conversations could always wait till later; food was a very important aspect of your lives. On your way back, you both stopped by to get your favorite mint chocolate ice-creams from a place near your apartment which you ate sitting in car while you told him about Jaebum.

He knew about everything that was between you and Jaebum from the beginning, and had once even called you out on the feelings you had been secretly harboring for Jaebum. Minho was a no-bullshit friend and on most days you appreciated that. Today, however, he was just a little disappointed; at the situation and at the man who put you in it. He could tell that your mood had turned just a little sour at the recollection, and he knew exactly how to fix it.

“Hey, I have a question for you” Minho said, a cheeky smile evident on his face. You knew nothing good came out of that smile, ever.

“How do you make antifreeze?”

You stared blankly at him, “How?”

“Steal her blanket”

“Oh my god, Song Minho, I am disowning you” you said, a smile creeping its way onto your face regardless of how lame the pun was.

“Oh please, you love it” he teased you, quickly stealing a little ice cream from you, having already finished his own.

You tried to turn away from him to save your ice cream but he held your hand as he scooped a little onto his spoon.

“Ah, let go, get yourself another one man”

“Nuh-huh” he mumbled, eating the ice cream he stole from you while you scowled at him. “Stealing from you is so much better, look at how annoyed you get”

You rolled your eyes at him, “Just take me home, Myno”

It was his turn to roll his eyes at your usage of his “rapper” name as he called it.

Once in front of your apartment, you collected your bag from the back seat and Minho got out of the car to drop you off till your door.

“Oh hey wait I have another question for you” he said as you both made your way to the front door of your building.

You stopped before buzzing in, turning around to look at him and asked, “What is it this time?”

“Do you have a map?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “Why? Don’t you have GPS?

“No, because I just keep getting lost in your eyes and my GPS doesn’t know how to navigate that”

“Yuck!” you exclaimed, laughing at his cheesy pick up line. “Do you ever run out of these? Yuuuck”

He laughed with you, “Never”

You hugged him and he lifted you up, giving you a little swirl as he reminded you of your promise

“Come meet all of us soon, okay? Everyone misses you”

“I promise” you said, laughing as he put you down, trying to steady yourself.

With one last peck to your cheek, Minho made his way back to his car and you buzzed yourself in. You went inside, turning back one last time to wave goodbye to Minho.

He waved back at you, and just as Minho drove away you saw a familiar figure standing next to a car on the other side of the road.

Your heart picked up its pace at once, Jaebum was staring right at you. And you were staring right back. He didn’t look too pleased, and if you were honest you didn’t even want to believe he was here for you. You wanted to believe he was here for some other purpose, for someone else, for anyone else; as unlikely as the chances of that hope being true was.

You tried your best to steady yourself as you closed the front door as calmly as you could manage to do, hoping that he wouldn’t see right through your panic even from that far away.

As soon as the gate bolted shut, you sprinted for your apartment, hoping Im Jaebum standing across the road from your apartment was just a figment of your imagination.

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thatweirdmod · 4 years

Text

Windowless Moviemaker Chapter 5: Onus

Windowless Moviemaker

Chapter 5: Onus

A few weeks have passed since I had that vivid dream, and today is Sunday.

I'm off from both work and school, and Kidney called me out for an afternoon stroll around the park, saying that he wanted to talk.

So, here we are now, walking under the shade of overhanging branches with birds chirping the day along.

"Jeeto," Kidney starts. "We've become people with very different priorities. Right now, I'm keeping my nose clean, and thinking about my family and future. Sounds responsible, but you know something? I haven't felt this free in ages."

I just keep walking beside him and listening with my head down, waiting for the punch.

"I burned the bag and clothes I wore on those nights. I wiped my hard drive of all the movies and destroyed the DVDs.

I dumped all my tools and supplies. Now the only relics tying me to that dark past now are my own memories... and you, Jeeto."

"So," I say plainly, "You wanna throw me away too."

Kidney opens his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off.

"It makes sense. I'm a liability to you now. Besides," I add, "we can't even pleasantly reminisce as friends anymore. All that'd do is drag you back to places you'd rather forget."

"You're right," Kidney agrees solemnly. "But there's another thing I need to tell you." He stops walking and turns to me, so I stop with him. Resolve burns in his gold hazel eyes.

"Stay away from Krin and my mother," he tells me in no uncertain terms.

I blink at him.

"I told Mitchol the same thing," Kidney continues. "If any of you touch them, you won't get away with it. That is a guarantee, even if I have to blow the roof off of your whole schtick and expose myself in the process."

I scoff aloud. "Heh, you're a big man now, ain't 'cha?"

Kidney narrows his eyes at me, his frown warning me.

I go on anyway. "From the day you backed out on the school roof, I knew we couldn't really be friends anymore. We had fallen out, but I tried to pretend that things were okay. And do you know why?" I ask.

He stares at me without wording a guess, hints of disgust and dread on his face.

"Because I thought it might come in handy to preserve our relationship. And it has. You see," I elaborate. "You've let me into your house a few times recently.

You were cautious, 'casually' hanging around the bathroom when I went to make sure I didn't snoop around, and walking me to the door when it was time to leave.

You always kept a careful eye on me-- except when we were playing video games in your closed bedroom. For there, I surely couldn't touch Krin.

But, that bedroom just so happens to be the place where you sleep with her."

His face pales as he helplessly waits for me to finish.

"You like to say you don't need a bitch to take care you, but you can't even clean that cluttered room of yours. It's no wonder you never noticed the mini camera hidden between all that junk."

“So you really...?” Kidney says breathlessly.

I laugh in satisfaction. "You're so good and gentle with Krin, little Kidney bean. So different from how you usually were with the women we'd take. She really must be 'something' to you."

My second fit of laughter gets cut short by Kidney grabbing me by the collar. "You son of bitch!" He yells, balling his fist to deck me.

"Hey, easy there." I say calmly. "You're in no position to be threatening me, or any of the other members."

We stay in a standoff for a while, until Kidney begrudgingly releases his grip on my shirt.

"Your willingness to throw yourself to the dogs in order to protect Krin was noble. However, now you see that if you expose us, we'll throw both of you to the dogs.

I probably don't have to explain this to you, but on top of the shame, stigma, and ostracization it brings, incest is illegal here.

If the videos I took got into the hands of law enforcement, it could mean jail time and criminal records for both you and Krin. How's that for 'family and future'?"

Kidney stumbles off the path and backs into a tree. He buries his face in his hands, groaning miserably.

I chuckle, watching him. After a while, he lowers his hands and looks up at me with quivering eyes.

"I'll kill you," he states. "I'll kill each and every one of you."

"Really? Good luck with that." I say nonchalantly. "A physical fight doesn't worry us, even on the off chance that your uncle Stoulfer stands with you.

We have Mitchol's friends, including Redhand Heriolt. It's an easy guess why they call him 'Redhand.'

"Before I kill you," Kidney says, unwavered. "I want to know: is it just my sister, or do you bastards want something else from me?"

"Mitchol and the others wanted you blackmailed for extra insurance. Since you wore a mask while filming, they weren't confident that the website videos would be enough to ensure your silence.

But me? I never fretted about that. The pursuit of a better life and the pursuit of justice are two opposite things in your case."

"So all you yourself really want is Krin, then?" Kidney asks.

"Bingo badaboomgo."

"Why?" He demands, shaking his head in frustration. "Why does it have to be her?"

"Oooohhh, are you dissing your own sister, Kidney?" I tease. "Come on, she's a beautiful girl."

"I know there's more to it than that." He insists. "Do you want to hurt me? Is that it? If so, then come here and hit me in my face like a man, instead of using my little sister to get at me!"

"Wow, look at what an assumption you've jumped to," I say airily, then resume my walk down the path.

"Come back here!" Kidney shouts after me.

I wave goodbye without bothering to look back.

"Just remember," he says. "I have something you don't. You're nothing but an empty coward. And that's what you'll always be, Jeeto."

I wrinkle my nose in disgust at the whole event. Since when did Kidney turn into such a shounen protagonist? To think we used to be friends.

Well anyway, I've got the rest of the day ahead of me, and there is some shopping I need to do.

Man, I feel like a woman, looking through items for self defense like this, but I pick up the pepper spray anyway.

Next I need to get some batteries for my new taser. I push my cart down the aisles, avoiding eye contact with shoppers in the other "lane."

Despite my cool demeanor, Kidney's claim that he would kill me concerned me. It seemed genuine. I could backtrack, apologizing and promising to leave him and Krin alone.

However, he knows me well enough to never believe me. I would pounce when he let his guard down, because that's the way I am.

Have you ever tried to catch an unfriendly animal? I have. With every step closer, the animal's decision making process grows more frantic. When I'm close, backing it into the corner, I can read in the fearful verdict in its eyes:

"The only way out of this is to do something extreme."

What follows is an action with all the force of the animal's existence behind it.

It can be a mad dash, where the animal takes a daunting risk, such as cutting close past the threat or jumping a wide gap. It could also be violently lashing out and tearing into the offender.

"Flight or fight." I muse to myself.

It's also worth noting that in the most pathetic of animals, there is no verdict in the eyes. There is only the fear at imminent death. Those are the ones that freeze.

I've backed Kidney into a corner and given him all terrible options. That's a risky thing to do with a person. In such an arrangement, the best you can hope for is to short circuit the person and cause them to shut down and submit.

Problem is, Kidney isn't one to freeze. This kind of iron maiden-esque situation doesn't foster, in flighters or fighters, the long-suffering complacency that's ideal for long-term control.

Hmm, I realize I need to revise my plan.

What am I getting self-defense stuff for? Do I intend to wait until he comes after me to do anything? Even if I fight him off, what then? Get him arrested for assault? Let him go home, so as not to push him over the edge?

Even though I have more nukes in this cold war, I may be in a standoff with a loose cannon. To what extremes would Kidney go?

Argghhh! This is such pain. That does it; I'll convene with Mitchol about what to do with our turncoat. I get my phone out and text him.

"Can you get Redhand Heriolt, Costriel, and Nethandre together for an online chat meeting with us tonight?"

When Mitchol doesn't respond, I decide finish up shopping. An hour passes and I'm at home, munching on a BLT at my computer.

A reply finally comes. I dive for my phone and confirm that it's him.

The message reads: "wat 4? and no."

I frown and text back: "It's about Kidney. He told me was gonna kill all of us. We should do something."

I use the time while Mitchol is typing to peer through my blinds. Whew. He's not there.

My phone buzzes again.

"lol XD. im busy so mayb nxt week"

I go back and forth with Mitchol, trying to get him to see how dangerous Kidney is right now. At the end of it, he says,

"lemme repeat. NO. just chill. we got K by da balls. ur bein such a lil bich jee"

"At least meet me during lunch at school tomorrow," I insist.

"fine"

I end up showing up early to school on Monday, and I'm antsy all throughout the morning. During math, I noticed that Kidney's desk was empty. What could he be absent for? He looked healthy enough yesterday.

As soon as the final bell to lunch rings, I rush out of class and charge up to the roof. I throw the door open, gasping. Fuck. Mitchol isn't here yet. I grind my teeth as I picture him dragging his feet on the way here.

I'm checking my watch every few seconds. Once 3 rage inducing minutes have passed, the roof door swings open. Kidney pulls a cigarette out of his pocket, leans against the fence, and lights up.

"Well?" He says, puffing smoke.

I can't tell whether it's the smoke or the words causing me to choke. I finally manage to speak in a very low voice.

"I've decided that we need to get Kidney off our backs, in a permanent kind of way."

"Huh? Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Mitchol inquires, straightening up.

"Yes."

He quirks his mouth in displeasure. "That's something I'd rather avoid doing. There's no blackmailing a dead guy into denying that he was the victim of a crime. If they were to get even a shred of evidence on us for murder..."

"That's why I wanna make it look like there was no crime in the first place."

"You mean stage an accident or a suicide?" Mitchol scoffs. "I know you're thinking Redhand will be able to work that out, but not on your life.

There'll be trained pros examining that body and scene. Their attention to detail is so crazy good it's like they've got magic eyes that show them every little mistake killers make."

"We'll just have to find out exactly what type of mistakes they are picking up on, and make sure we don't make them. Besides," I add, "you're acting like Redhand's never gotten away with this."

"Dumb luck and dumb cops." Mitchol dismisses me.

I sigh. "What about a disappearance then? We won't have to worry about any examiners with 'magic eyes' that way."

"More reasonable than your last pitch," Mitchol allows. "It gives the pigs less to work with. But, you've gotta be thorough. If anyone knows you've fallen out with Kidney, don't get anything suspicious in your recent purchase history.

Leave no sign of a struggle. Let 'em take it lightly, thinking he ran away. Get rid of the body. And I don't mean dump it into some water and hope it sinks.

I mean obliterate it. Feed it to dogs. Burn it to char and crush it, then sprinkle it in remote woods. That kinda thing."

I nod approvingly.

"But you know what the clincher is?" Mitchol says. "After you've done all you know to do, detectives still might find that little pesky thing you didn't. I'm just not convinced Kidney's enough of a threat to take that risk for."

"Well I am," I say in a biting tone.

"If you wanna dance the robot with the death row you can suit yourself." Mitchol says. "But I want nothing to do with it, you hear?"

A few days of anxious stagnancy pass, and now I'm at work, sourly stocking shelves.

The only way I knew how to contact Redhand without Mitchol's help was to leave comments on adesireisfulfilled, requesting that he email me. He's the 2nd high moderator, so it was likely he'd see them.

However, my comments kept getting deleted shortly after being made. When I didn't give up, I got sent a message saying:

"Recent comments posted by you have been removed by moderation. Continued harassment and spamming on the website will result in the suspension of your account."

I click my tongue as I arrange the SpaghettiOs. The convenience store is empty, so Roodle approaches and talks to me.

"Your friend Kidney hasn't stopped by for while."

"Oh," I respond, not sure what else can be said.

Her milky eyes analyze me. "Is he a touchy subject for you right now?" She asks with concern.

"We just can't get along anymore," I explain without explaining.

"Oh, I know how it can be with friends sometimes, but I don't know about that," Roodle says, well meaning but unknowing.

"I've found that if you just sit down and talk out your differences, you can get through most spats. The main thing is, you gotta be willin' to listen."

"It would be nice if that worked with Kidney. That way, he'd come back and start buying Creamtastical Bars everyday like he used to."

"Mm-hmm!" Roodle concurs with a big smile. "He was good business. So, consider it your job as part-time associate to get back to chummin' and get him back in our store."

It's harder to force than usual, but I smile back at her. "Thank you, Roodle." I say with just the right amount of sentimentality.

I know I've done it right when she gets that brief expression on her face. It's that mixture of melancholy and happiness, that gold plating of subtle, wholehearted seriousness that turns simple, wooden moments into small memories.

I've touched her heart, and deceived it seamlessly. What an ego booster.

I push the raw, predatory pleasure that I feel inside out through a mold, which makes it take shape on my face as a warm pleasure of gratitude and comradery.

Looking at her, however, I accidentally let an inappropriate bit of wonder creep onto my sweet face. Goodness, she actually cares about me.

Is there a difference between playing the role of a good person all the time, and actually being a good person?

Maybe the 1st category has to think deliberately to make moral choices, and it comes to the 2nd category naturally. I was sure that the 2nd group was a myth, until the face of this naive angel was unveiled to me.

And then, the glass doors part like servants for their king, and Kidney steps through. Roodle turns her head, and says, "Welcome back!" Then she winks at me and returns to the register.

He nods to her in greeting. My breath catches thickly in my throat when he turns and looks down at me, kneeling with canned goods in my hands.

Kidney's face is coldly blank, but his eyes hold a promise. I stare, unable to do anything else. He passes me, saying nothing, and goes to the back-- to the freezers.

He buys several types of ice cream, but leaves with the crinkle of a devil in his pocket that only I notice. Badump. Bump bump badump bump! My heart makes my body shake.

I go through the rest of my shift doing everything as diligently and thoroughly as I can, as if that will make it last longer.

As night draws closer, I curse Mitchol viciously in my mind. And if Redhand saw my comments and ignored me, fuck him too.

Adesireisfulfilled wouldn't be half of what it is now without me, and yet they're gonna stand by and let me be killed?

At last, the glass doors part for me, like a shield-wall of traitors. I poke my head out and look either way before stepping out onto the concrete.

There's no one around except the bugs buzzing around the dim streetlights. I begin walking, tense and snapping my head around at every new sound.

When my house appears before me, I almost don't believe it. When the relief starts to wash over me, I whirl around, thinking that's just how Kidney would want me to feel before he struck.

My voice comes out quieter and more rapidly than I mean for it to. "I know you're there," I say, feeling slightly crazy.

With wide eyes and sensilla lined ears, I examine all 360 degrees within my radius. Nothing? I retreat up my driveway walking backwards, only turning to open the door.

My shakiness must be visible, because my little sister Sota scoffs when she sees me. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." I say firmly.

She shrugs. "Somehow, you seem even weirder than usual."

I tune out her words, instead choosing to observe her smooth legs and round bottom when she turns and jogs up the stairs in her green short shorts.

My mother comes around to greet me. "Sota has a point," she says, scrutinizing me. "Did something happen at work today?"

"No," I state. "I don't know what you guys are talking about."

I notice the weight that's melded into my hand. I'd forgotten about it until now. I thrust the grocery bag towards my mother. "Here. It's the stuff you asked for. Don't worry about paying me back."

"Well okay..." My mother says.

As soon as she takes the bag, I run up to my room and close the door behind me. I lean against it, gasping and trembling. Tears well in the corners of my eyes, and a small, sighing whimper is squeezed from my throat.

I've gotta get it together. I can't be acting like this.

I push off the door and make to collapse into my computer chair, but something on the floor in front of my closet catches my attention.

It's an empty syringe. Fuck. I thought I made sure to keep all my tools put away. Don't tell me I've been getting sloppy with things like this too.

I pick it up and open the closet to pull down the box and hide it where it belongs. A dark figure is in front of me. The gasp is cut off in my throat, my air blocked. A bitter sting stabs my neck, and I fall into darkness.

I peel my eyes open, unnaturally lethargic. The sight before me seems familiar-- a grey ceiling and white lights.

I roll my stiff neck down, and see Kidney sitting on the bed in front of me. I jump weakly, but find that I don't move at all.

Many ropes are snaked tightly around my body, binding me to a heavy chair. It's a terrible thing, being trapped in a hard chair with a sore ass, your future murderer in front of you.

"Can you hear me, Jeeto?" Kidney asks. His voice is calm like in my dream, but not pleasant.

I reluctantly respond in hoarse words. "I can hear you."

"You know what I said the other day."

I listen with baited breath.

"I spoke with an overheated head." Kidney says.

If this is a ploy to get me to open up, I'm afraid it's working.

"I've decided that whether or not that has to happen depends on you, Jeeto. To start, do other members have the videos you took of me and Krin?"

I open my mouth to reply, but he stops me to make a qualification.

"If you lie, I'll find out about it. You won't be leaving this bunker until I've confirmed the truth of every answer you give me."

"I understand," I rasp obediently. "I gave them to Mitchol, but I don't know if he gave them to anyone else."

"Do you wanna give a guess as to whether or not he did?"

I respond honestly. "He probably distributed them around his inner circle. Not only for safe keeping and power over you, but also because of the sheer drama of it.

Sex between a brother and sister is something his friends would naturally be curious to see."

Kidney's face twitches in anger. "Is that what you thought too, when you were spying on us?" He speaks in an acerbic, low tone. "Were we just some morbid, 1800s circus spectacle to your perverted, judging eyes?"

If I weren't in this position, I would laugh at Kidney's delusional umbrage about the way his incestuous relationship is viewed by others. "Of course that's what you were," I think, but I don't dare say it.

"I was intrigued," I say. Hopefully it comes across as honest, but not too insulting or patronizing. "I thought, 'So this is what was so precious to Kidney.'"

"Nevermind," Kidney says abruptly. "How do you usually contact Mitchol? Are you in communication with any of the other members? How do you talk to them?"

"I usually just text Mitchol, though if it's something long, I'll email him. I'm not in contact with any of the others."

Kidney pulls my phone out of his pocket. I instinctively bristle at seeing another person handling it.

"I appreciate that you've told me the truth," he says, sneering. "None of the members, save for Mitchol, are in your contacts list. Now, let me give you another chance to earn some more brownie points with me."

I peer at him through my brown bangs, wondering what shitty thing he's going to ask me to do.

"Tell me, what interests Mitchol? What could you say to him to get him to meet you in a secluded place at night?"

I think for a while, mumbling to myself, "Uhm... erm..."

Kidney slams his fist against the bed's head board. "Rack your fucking brain!"

"Um.. I could invite him out to go hunting. No... tell him I'd brought a top quality subject to the bunker. It'd be for business too, so it doesn't totally contradict what I said about us not being friends anymore."

"What kind of 'top quality subject'," Kidney inquires. "Does he have a girl he wants?"

"I remember him talking about one named Phoebe he takes English class with. She's kind of a loner, has long, reddish-brown hair, and works weekends at the arcade."

"Interesting. And if he asks how you got her, what would you say?"

"Mitchol's tailed her before, and he said she'll sometimes go out late. Phoebe likes to pick up fast food milkshakes and sip them on park benches at night, gazing up at the stars. So, I'd say I took her then."

Kidney nods tersely and makes to text Mitchol with my phone, but before he sends the message he asks once again, "You're sure he'll come for this?"

"Mitchol believes she's a virgin, and he told me he'd prefer to eat her before she "spoils."

With that, Kidney sends it off, and we wait.

Eventually, Mitchol responds. "He's mad," Kidney says, showing me the reply:

"DUMFUCK y wud u take my grl b4 i was rdy? now i gotta drive far or she'll b wasted."

"But, nicely done." Kidney finishes. He flips the phone closed and tosses it onto the bed. Then he takes something out of his pocket.

I squint at the object. "Is that...?"

"Oh this?" Kidney says. "I hope you don't mind that I borrowed your new taser. It was for me after all, wasn't it? But I guess I was supposed to be on the other side."

Shit. If Mitchol isn't careful...

"Anyway," Kidney says. "Since we're going to be waiting for awhile, we might as well chat to pass the time."

"That'd be fine, if your idea of chatting wasn't just more interrogation."

Kidney raises his eyebrows. "You're getting uppity with me now? Don't forget you're tied to a chair, completely at my mercy. All things considered, I'm being pretty nice to you."

"Hmph," I say. "Your niceties have only been performed out of necessity, necessity which ceased to exist the moment Mitchol agreed to come here."

I observe the furnishings of the room. "It appears I'm occupying the only un-tippable chair here. Guess I'll have to give up my seat once your guest arrives."

"Fine, so it's more interrogation, Kidney admits. "Just tell me this time, why did it have to be Krin? Why did you want her so badly?"

"Because you wanted her so badly." I confess. "You proudly hoarded Krin all to yourself, taunting me and barring me from pleasure."

I sigh. "You had a point the other day, you know. Because the way you insulted me before... it made me feel like I had to put you in your place."

"Yes," Kidney says gravely. "I never should've said so much." He lowers his head moves his lips silently. It looks like he's breathing a prayer or an apology.

He walks behind me, and then that acrid prick finds my neck again. I sink down under. A long and short while of nothing passes, until the oblivion begins to part again.

I open my eyes slowly, disorientated and sore. I find that I'm sitting on the floor, bound in ropes and propped up against a cold wall. I hear screams and curses, so I laboriously turn my head to see what's going on.

"Tell me!" Kidney yells, punching Mitchol in the face. He's really in my chair now, and I lived to see it.

When my eyes adjust more and focus on Kidney's face, I see that it's bloodied and bruised. Even with the taser, he had some trouble getting Mitchol.

Blood dribbles from Mitchol's mouth as he says, "Just calm down, man." He groans in pain. "Look, whatever you think I did, it's not what you think."

Kidney growls, but decides to leave it at that for now. "Jeeto," he says, pointing a red smeared finger at me. "You're awake. I'll get back to you in a minute."

He turns back to Mitchol, "Tell me who you gave the videos to."

"I already told you," Mitchol responds. "I didn't send 'em to anybody."

"Why not?" Kidney demands."I... I just didn't get around to it."

"Liar," Kidney hisses. He storms over to his bag and yanks out a leather whip. It snaps as he flails it out at Mitchol.

"Liar, liar, liar!" Kidney chants the word over and over again as he thrashes the shrieking young man's clothes and skin to ribbons.

Despite myself, I loose a boistrous laugh and heckle Mitchol. "I told ya so, aye?"

Mitchol's gritted teeth tremble as hot tears stream through the blood on his face. "Okay..." He mewls, almost inaudibly.

"Huh, what was that?" Kidney asks.

Mitchol bursts out in a fit of crying. "I said 'okay!' Man... shit. I thought you'd get madder if I told the truth *sniffle*, but I actually gave the vids of you and your sister to Costriel and Nethandre." Repressed whimpers rack his body.

Kidney's lips are tightly pursed, and his face is wrinkled in intense disgust as his eyes bear down on Mitchol. "Those two, they're your mutual friends with Redhand Heriolt."

"Ye-yeah," Mitchol says.

"So it's perfectly plausible, then," Kidney continues, "that Redhand has the videos as well."

Mitchol perks up a bit. "Look... I can set him up for you if that's what you want."

Kidney sneers. "As a matter of fact, that is what I want. And I want all the others too, so I'll offer you a deal, Mitchol.

You work with me to erase every copy of those videos, and help me take down everyone who has them. Then, I'll let you go."

"Really? Thank you!" Mitchol breathes.

"There is a prerequisite, though." Kidney says. "Swear on your life that you won't bother me or my family again after I free you."

"I swear, I swear." Mitchol says. "I won't bother you, your sister, or anybody ever again."

"Very good." Kidney says, then turns back to me. Once he's close, he kneels down and leans in so we're at eye level. My breaths shiver in and out as his gold-streaked eyes bore into my face.

"Listen to me." He says. "You might think this is going to end tonight, but it won't. You will watch and live as I take everything away from you that you took from me and Krin."

My eyes widen as I realize where I heard him say those words before.

"I will destroy the most precious thing to you-- your films. I will take your dignity. I will grind you into nothing, until you lose even your will to live."

My stomach turns. Kidney lips twist upwards wryly when he finishes repeating the curse from my nightmare. Chills crawl along my skin.

"How?" I ask with barely a voice.

"'Luna of Night, eyes of borrowed light, make my own so very bright. Sands sublime, recorder of the subterranean mind, with you, let me intertwine.'" He says.

"It's like what I said that night, when I was in bed..."

"A chant, it just came over you, didn't it?" Kidney says. "You don't know why, but you repeated words you'd never heard."

"I saw the cosmos, and then I saw you." I say.

"Just before I invited you to the park to talk that Sunday afternoon, Kidney says. "I was taken through space to Mother Moon as well. At some point, I scooped up a handful of her white sand.

In each grain was a dream, and I found yours. Once I saw the manifestation of your subconscious, of your malice and lust, I knew that I had to stop you somehow."

"Ahahaa..." I laugh just like I did in the dream, and Kidney tenses. "What the hell is going on?" I weakly ask both him and the universe.

"Maybe you'll find out once this is over." He answers.

#crime #kidnapping #paranormal #fued #betrayal #violence

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ecotone99 · 4 years

Text

[HR] "The Pale White Faced Demon" (a short horror story based on an idea i created for an intended short movie that never happened)

Foreword:

THANKS FOR READING! :) This was an idea i created while in a creative mood. Originally intended as a short film. But i didn't have the resources. The original story will be written in my mother tounge. I've always wanted to create stories, as i love the art of storytelling. Any feedback is good feedback, feel free to state your opinions. Im still unsure if i should rewrite it in first person, or just cut out the first paragraph. Please note that this is my first written attempt at this project, and my first attempt writing in English. Changes will be done in the future. And English is only my 2nd language. So keep that in mind.

Again thank you for your time. If you would like to read the movie idea behind this story please feel free to check out my profile :)

Now please enjoy the story:

I found this note when i moved into my new house a few weeks ago. Hidden under some bath towels in the drawer under the downstairs bathroom sink. You think I am lying, I am not. I will document everything that is happening in the house and everything i see or notice while I live here. I will try to contact mediums or someone that can try to contact the spirits, both of the demon and Greg. Now to Gregs note, written in third person. Maybe he tried to distance himself from the whole thing. My guess is that he suffered with serious mental illness, possibly schizophrenia or probably some sort of depersonalization disorder. Anyways, heres Greg's note, the last piece he ever wrote:

With dilated pupils he stared into the mirror. "Try not to think about it, it wasn't real, it couldn't have been", he kept repeating to himself, as he took another hit of the pipe. One more, just one more hit. He loaded up the pipe with some more crystal and lighted it back up again. The grey smoke filled parts of the bathroom, his heart was already beating out his chest but he just needed one more hit.

He had been awake for 7 days now, without any sleep. And the white faced "demon", as he called it, because of its looks, kept haunting him. It had to be real, he knew what he had seen, and he have had disturbing visuals before, but he could always tell them apart. So he was sure this was not a hallucination.

Since last monday it had been haunting him, first time it showed up was that same evening, he had just made dinner and sat down to watch some tv show when he first saw it staring at him from the outside. A ghostly, creepy, skinny, almost malnourished looking face with big black eyes and pale as sheet. He had called the cops the second it disapeared, but they found no trace of anyone in the area.

The 2nd day awake, couldn't sleep knowing that thing was still around. But it did appear again, and this time it was even scarier, creepier, and disturbing than before. He was walking through the hallway of his house, the part that connected the upstair bathroom to his living room when he saw it standing there, was it a demon? A otherworldly beast? He couldn't tell. He froze, for what felt like 30 minutes was probably more like 2 minutes. It suddenly made a run for the front door to the left of him and disapeared. He immediatly called the cops but they found no sign of forced entry and no footprints around the house.

But what comes next will send shivers down your spine even. He had not slept in 5 days now, but it was night, and he tried to get some rest, it hadn't made an appearance in 3 days now. So it was time to get some sleep. But at 3 am in the morning he felt paranoid, the feeling consumed his whole body. Was there someone standing behind him? He layed with his back to the room. Did he dare to move? No, yes ofcourse, he had to, he was sick of being tormented by this demon like creature. He gathered up his courage mixed with anger, which created frustrating but still quite rage filled emotions. He yelled out, "leave me the fuck alone!" While he turned around, sittting up in his bed staring into the darkness. Nothing. Nothing that he could see, atleast not yet. He have had his eyes closed for the entirety of the night, even though he couldn't sleep. His eyes was adjusting to the darkness when he saw something. "Omg, its here, in my room!", he tought to himself. He had an old rifle bayonet he recieved from his father when he was still a kid. He pulled it out from under his pillow while quickly finding the light switch to get a better look. Relieved, that is the only emotion to describe this moment; it was just a shadow from a pile of old clothes he hadn't had time to wash yet.

He tried to calm himself down and get some very much needed sleep. He turned off the light and closed his eyes. Feeling his body starting to drift away into a blissfull state of sleep, relaxation and with a wish to wake up tomorrow with a sharper mind than before. But that didn't last long, he was startled with a sense of dread and panic. He turned around in his bed and saw the demon, beast, creature whatever it was. And it wasn't more than a couple feets away, it was right there, staring at him. Its pale white face could light up the room. It made a terrible gurgling sound before leaving out his bedroom door.

He made a run, for it, fuck this shit. Luckily the stairs down to the basement, more precisely his downstairs bathroom where he felt most secure, was just to the right of his bedroom. And thats how he ended up in his bathroom, after being awake for 5 days straight, and 2 days awake downstairs. Was he starting to lose it? Was this even real? What went wrong in the past few weeks that summoned this disturbing alien looking creature?

"What was that?", the door knob turned slowly, he had forgot the most important thing; to lock the damn door. He quickly locked it, finishied off the rest of the pipe and sat down on the toilet seat. But before he could catch his breath, it started to sound as if someone was breaking through the door. He just sat there, white and pale as the demon itself The lock snapped, the hinges snapped, everything snapped, all at once. The demon was there right in front of him, staring at him with its disturbing eyes. "Wait, was that a smile? Maybe it was friendly? Maybe it wasnt a demon after all?", he tought, but just as quick as the tought had entered his mind, it left, accompanied with the sound of a deafeing scream, a roar so disturbing it made him jump back.

The crystal didn't do much for him now, after 7 days awake you don't gain alot of energy, even if you shot it. But that didn't matter now, the demon jumped on top of him and in one quick move it attached itself to his chest. The claws of this beast made his blood start to pour out of the wounds. It kept ripping into his chest cavity as if its sole purpose was to end his life after playing with him for days on end.

He screamed, it did not. It just kept digging into his chest, he tried to move but he couldn't, he was paralyzed. Paralyzed by fear. But he kept fighting, kept holding on to what he once loved but now did not, to who he once loved but now were not here, and in one last attempt to get it off him; he pushed the beast off, tried to get a foot holding. He did it! He was free from the demons claws. He looked down at the beast only to realize it sat there with his heart in its hands. He gasped for air while looking down. Nothing, no heart, hollow. How could he even still be breathing?

He drew his last breath, while praying for all things to be different. Why did he have to go down this path at all to begin with? He could have lived a normal life, had a normal job, a family even. But no, he chose to live alone out here in the wilderness, 3 miles to the closest neighbour.

The police found him dead in the basement on his bathroom floor a few weeks later, with a terrified look on his face. No sign of anything suspicious. Cause of death: heart attack caused by an overdose of crystal meth.

Again thank you for your time. If you would like to read the movie idea behind the story please feel free to check out my profile :)

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ecotone99 · 5 years

Text

[MF] Sunday Scaries

The conversation formatting doesnt hold on reddit copy paste, so its much better read thru link

Linking at Top to not spoil the end - hope thats OK!

https://www.casualblasphemy.com/blog/sundayscaries

------------------------------------------

Jesus Christ and Other Swear words

Volume II: Anxiety Rainbow

A Slower Burn to Fiery Finish. About 10-15 minutes

Chapter 2, 3 or 7, not sure yet.

Chapter III: Sunday Night Scream Into the Void

I lie (awake) to myself

A feeling of impending doom. So many emails. Existential dread and the Sunday Scaries.

I cannot sleep, it is nearly midnight. I have so much to do this week.

I lie awake and try to think of all the embarrassing things other people have done.

I can't think of any, so I go back to remembering my own social failings.

The time I tripped in front of my Crush age 14. My disastrous bangs of just last year. The time I mispronounced Worcheschertshishire in front of my cute coworker. The 23 blocks I walked with toilet paper stuck to my foot and that afternoon tanning in the park with a tampon string dangling from my bikini bottoms. Everyone remembers. I am sure of it. I farted once on a conference call.

Monday is only a few hours away. So many emails and the dishes sit soaking for a third day. I shouldn't have slept in today. I have so much to do tomorrow. I think about every time i've fucked up in my past 30 years.

My anxiety builds and I try again to refocus my attention. I try to remember all the embarrassing things other people have done, but I literally cannot think of any. I sort of remember one of my friends shitting his pants. Was that the day I walked into the sliding glass door. Do you think he remembers? Oh god, was it me that poped my pants? Oh jeez, i said poped, not pooped. Im talking out loud to myself.

Thank god no one is here.

I feel lonely.

----

I eat a CBD chocolate and feel the anxiety of impending doom. So many emails.

I remember. I remember every embarrassing thing I have done in my entire life. I have so much to do this week. So many emails. I have a meeting tomorrow and I don't feel prepared. That time I was left hanging for a high five with my hand in the air. I looked like Hitler with no friends. It is Sunday and life is Scary. So much to do this week. Were they laughing at me? I feel lonely. No one talked to me today. I feel like the Pluto of my friend group.

I decide to crowdsource some self esteem and climb on Tinder.

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Oh damn this guy is hot.

Damn, 5’10

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Every time I swipe right it's a Match. I feel attractive and desirable

Left

Double ew!

Left

Right

Nothing. What!?

I lower my standards

Right

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing

Sunday Feels Scary Again. I have so much to do tomorrow. I don't want to play the game anymore. I fear rejection from strangers. Kinda horny tho. I survey my matches and read messages:

“Hey”

“Wanna Fuck?”

“Nice weather Today”

“Show me your bobs?”

“Nice Feet”

A profile stands out

Blake

6”2’ “Ive never shoed a horse, but I told a Cow to go home once”

I don't really get it, but he's HOT. That fish he caught is HUGE! I climb out of my comfort zone and message first. I've never done this before

“Hey” she wrote with butterflies

….

…….

………..

18 minutes pass. Nothing.

I go back to swiping unenthusiastically

Right

Nothing.

I feel like a Moth in a world of Butterflies. Undesirable.

OH GOD. I research gravity blankets and take a xanax. I think of Cocoons.

I fall asleep lonely horny disappointed anxious and 8% numb. So many emails. Maybe I can do the dishes tomorrow after work, the gym, and picking up my prescriptions. I shouldn't have messaged him. I need groceries. That time I tripped on the bleachers and Becky laughed at me. I run through the grocery list in my head. Eggs, avocados, kombucha, spinach, Shame, paper towels, CBD chocolates. I feel weird.

------

I survive another week with espresso and antidepressants. It was hard. I am so tired. I am so tired all the time. Its sunday night and I feel The Doom coming again. I batten the hatches and prepare to wait out the emotional storm under the weight of my new Gravity Blanket. Its heavy and sweaty and I regret buying it. My anxiety rises to new highs and I feel like an idiot. Thank god no one is here. I feel lonely.

Ping!

Blake: :Me

“Hey ;) still up?”

I think about unmatching to teach him a lesson for not replying to me last week, but digital or not, I really need this distracting attention.

“Maybe ;) whatcha doing?”

Trying not to think about Monday LOL

LOLOL Same Same. Sunday Scaries :o

LOL I KNOW! Just gotta get through this week,

I am getting a puppy on Friday!

Puppy! What kind!?

A Frenchi :) her name is Luna

OMG NEED!

You have any pets?

Nooooo :(

You can come play with mine!

Cats or Dogs?

YES PLZ! I grew up with dogs :)

What was the name of your first pet?

Daisy :) she was so sweet

Awww, where did you grow up?

Seattle, just moved for a new job

It's hard being in a new city!

Well I can show you around!

What is your job?

Never been to Seattle, were you born there?

Born in Suburbia, lol

a little town nearby called Auburn

I work for a company that has meetings

I have a friend from Auburn!

LoL what do you meet about?

No way!

We meet about other meetings

Yea, did you got to Westside Elementary?

Eastside

Oh nice, her mom was a teacher there

Did you have Mrs. Ellison for 1st grade English?

I don't remember a Mrs. Ellison?

I had a Mr. Gardner

Oh lol. U like cars?

Sort of

I just got a new one :)

What was the make and model of your first car?

Wow! You are having quite the year!

Lol 1994 black honda civic. The dream

You sound like a Capricorn

Virgo!

Oh nice, when is your birthday?

August 24th, 1990

Just got a pic of my puppy, wanna see?

OMG YES

206-390-0345

I like Capricorns ;)

Oh god that sounded desperate

Texted you

Didn't get it!

Tried again

Nothing :(

Lol new phone too, I think its fucked tho

Whats your email, I wanna show you my bb pup!

Lol look at you Mr. New

[[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

….

……

……..

Did you send it?

…..

Hello?

Fal Asleep? lol

Ping!

An email arrives to my racing heart. He's so inquisitive! New car and a puppy! I wonder what he does for a living? Such a Gentleman, that was a whole hour of texting and he didn't even ask for nudes. I click the notification but my email won't open.

Please login to continue. I type my password “Daisy123”

Incorrect password/email combination

Please try again

Oh, is it lowercase?

******3

Please Try Again

*****3

Please Try Again

******3

Please Try Again

Ugh im so tired, I can't even type right. I'll leave it for morning

--------

MondayVegan Jessica III sleeps well in dreams of Blake, Frenchi’s and Avocados under the weight of her anti-anxiety gravity blanket. She wakes with a smile and grabs her phone eagerly.

Please Try Again

Vegan Jessica III eats her last free-range Avocado on a piece of whole-wheat gluten-free non-cruelty noGMO carboloaf. Num!

Please Try Again

Fucking Annoying!

I switch over to my work email and begin responding to CC threads as I walk to the train. I meet with my team and we plan our next meeting. We have a great plan to plan.

I get home exhausted. I am so tired. We met for three hours and planned for three more days of planning meetings about meeting plans. I log in to tinder and check my messages. Nothing. I take a xanax and go to sleep. The dishes are molding and i'm out of avocados.

Tuesday

I wake stressed and skip breakfast. I head into work and drink espresso. We meet again to discuss our plan to plan. Everything goes as planned and we adjourn. I get out of work 15 minutes early and swing by CVS Pharmacy for LaCroix and drugs.

Some freak in a fedora oggles my breasts through my oversized sweater. What is he even looking at?

“Hi, yes, prescription pickup for Vegan Jessica III. It should have been called in Monday”

“Sure thing, insurance and ID please. Have a seat, it'll be about 15 minutes”

Pharmacists are just drug baristas, change my mind. I wait 45 minutes for the man in the never-dirtied lab coat to grab a prepackaged bottle of prozac from the wall. I hand him my credit card.

“Im sorry Ma’am, your card was declined, do you have another?”

The word ‘Ma’am’ turns three of my pubic hairs grey. It makes me kind of miss that creep in the fedora surveying my body.

Are you sure? Can you try again

Yes ma’am, the card is declined. Do you have another Ma’am?

Ma’am

Can you try calling them? I left my debit at home and don't have any cash.

I glance at my Fitbit. The time is 6:01pm

Its after 6pm Ma’am, you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

I leave the CVS and the pharmacists spends the next 30 minutes placing the bottle of pills back on the shelf.

----

I go home feeling frustrated. I skip the mailbox, dishes, dustbunnies and head straight for my bed. I pull the gravity blanket over my head like a ghost and feel a little better. I eat a half a pound of CBD chocolate and feel much better.

I log into Tinder. Fucking Blake ghosted. Unmatched. Under my blanket I get scared of ghosts and eat another ¼ pound of CBD chocolate.

Wednesday

I wake feeling like shit. I don't know why. I feel stressed. I call in sick to work and take a xanax and go back to bed. I awake to a phonecall from an unknown number. Fucking spamassrobocalls. I scream FUCK YOU to 1s and 0s. There's a panic rising in my throat.

I haven't checked my personal email in days now and try to log back in. I click password recovery and an email is sent to my old college email | [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]). Ugh I can't believe I used to eat honey and drink milk with my coffee; I feel ashamed of my former self. It feels like a Sunday, but it's only wednesday.

I try to login to my old college email to recover my password for my post-college email.

I try to remember my old password

Please Try again

I try all my old combinations

Please Try again

Lockout timer 29:59..

29:58….

29:57….

Ugh I hate this shit.

Trying to recover a password to recover a password. Did I type it wrong? Was it capitalized? Am I just not remembering it right? Was the ‘I’ a “!” ?? Was there 123 at the end, or maybe beginning?

I need to set my passwords to things I can never forget. Maybe take a lesson from Sunday. Shame and Trauma seem to make for fantastic passwords.

MyFatherAbandonedOurFamilyIn1997!

That's not something im likely to forget

I spend the next 29 minutes finally doing the dishes and feel a little better.

Please Try again

Lockout timer 59:59

FUCK

I hate this shit. I click the password recovery button on my college email and a third is sent to my very first email address. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

I go to AOL.com and try to login

Please Try again

It feels like im opening those Russian Dolls. Every time I open one, another is there. The Russian Nesting Dolls of Digital Frustration. Please Try Again Later.

Recover the password

to recover the password

Please Try Again

I channel my frustration and hit the gym. Pilates class with Pontious. I stop on the way home and Scream into the Void. I feel a little better.

I check the mailbox before the stairs.

I turn the key and an avalanche spills out. Envelope after envelope, it seems unending. They just keep coming. The cascade flow dries to a dribble and I reach inside to scoop the rest of my mail out.

My arms are full of dead trees and I feel sad. Plus its like super heavy after an hour of cross planking. I ascend the stairs and unlock the door with my keys in my mouth. I push the door open with my forehead and dump the heavy mess of envelopes and magazines on the floor.

A Victoria Secret catalogue catches my eye. I make a mental note of my despise for their company message and start perusing the pages. What kind of image are they putting in the heads of young girls. False standards of beauty. Where are the real women! That bra is like super cute tho. I order three in different colors but my card is declined. The bras never come, its ok tho, they wouldn't have fit me anyway.

When my card is declined I think of Blake’s rejection again. Ghosted. What an asshole. Whatever he's probably just another pig who gets off to Victoria Secret models and supports an impossible standard of beauty. I am now convinced Victoria’s real Secret is mainstream distribution of introductory pornography to young boys in suburbia. That's a big mental leap to take from subquality prethought, but I think it's important to note where some of these idolized false standards of beauty start. They start with aging young Mother’s ordering VS products and catalogs to catch renewed interest from their lazily inattentive husbands and trickledown pornoEconomics recycles the catalogs to prepubescent boys. Hidden and stolen, they are a prime middle-school currency. The image of Desire becomes fixed in pubescent development and the path upscycles again.

I throw the catalog away disgusted and pick up my copy of the much more realistic Vogue. I eat more CBD chocolate and forget to call my credit card company. I fall asleep with fragrant advertisements and two miles of photoshop-smoothed Gigi Hadid legs on my face.

Friday

It's a beautiful morning and i'm feeling rested. I don't know what happened to Thursday. We have a brief meeting about next week's meeting and are dismissed early. Summer Fridays are the best! I meet up with my besties and we dress up to impossible standards of beauty.

Thin pink straps patterned with “VS VS VS” loop my shoulders out of my strapless black dress. Clash is in. I think it looks cute even tho the bra doesn't fit well. I lace up my gladiator platform cork wedges and we head out for a night of dancing.

I dance next to my ugliest friend and bask in double attention.

Buy you a Drink?

Wanna Dance?

Ever Ride a Motorcycle?

All eyes on me. I dance and twirl and snort the night away. This cocaine is fantastic. My credit card still doesn't work so I have boys buy me drinks. I black out a bit and wake up in my Uber home. Its light out and the birds won't shut up about the stupid sun. My heart is beating arhythmically and I feel weird. A feeling of impending doom is brewing and it makes me feel weirder - it's not even Sunday.

I sober up a bit, but can't sleep. I decide to finish the vial of cocaine I took from that boy and do some housekeeping.

I take the trash out and open my computer. I feel inspired to clean and conquer.

I will recover my password!

I see a button for ‘alternate recovery options’ on my ancient @aol email and click

A series of questions challenge my identity

“Date of Birth”

August 24th, 1990

“What was the name of your first Pet?”

Daisy

“What was the name of your 1st grade English Teacher?

Mr. Gardner

“What City Were you Born in?”

Auburn

“What was the Make and Model of your First Car?”

1994 Black Honda Civic

And just like that I'm in! I recover my password and recover my password and recover my password.

The russian dolls reassemble and my anxiety plummets

--------

----

---

Until I open Gmail to a Nightmare

The realization grips me. The Saturday Scaries are Real. I spring to the 4 foot foyer of my apartment where the non-fashion-catalog remainder of my mail avalanche sits piled like rubble.

I rifle through envelopes and cut my finger. It really stings. I suckle a droplet of blood and read the envelopes

Bills. Bills of all kinds. Bills of all shapes and sizes. Bills Not mine, but mine. An acre of rainforest in bills.

My iphone rings and my phone wont open. Panic Panic Panic. Saturday Scaries. I pull my bleeding finger from my mouth and the iphone recognizes my face. I answer the call

“Ma’am i'm calling from TransUnion Credit Reporting, we've seen some unusual activity on your report this week, can you confirm opening the following 227 Credit Cards on Sunday between the hours of 11pm and 4am Monday Morning?”

(This phone call 97% actually happened)

My vision spots and I hit the floor.

___

I awake Sunday. My head is throbbing and my finger hurts. I look at the papercut and it stares back with green eyes. It smells like Almond Butter, but the gross GMO kind. I put CBD oil on it and leave the house.

I head to the hospital, but my credit card is declined. My finger is green to the knuckle and it definitely feels like a Sunday.

I head home and curl up in my bed. With my green arm I pull the gravity blanket over my head and cry. I fall asleep feeling scared and not safe.

I wake to pain. The green has spread throughout my whole body. I feel weak. I need to go to work. So many emails.

I feel The DOOM

I try to lift the gravity blanket, but I am weak and it is too heavy.

The longer I stay, the weaker I become. Days pass and I miss meeting after meeting. I sweat profusely trapped inside a cocoon of anxiety. Unseen emails pile up and add to the weight. My phone is out of battery and I can't reach past the blanket for my charger. I need water. I really need water.

I feel The DOOM

I think of blood poisoning and my plummeting credit scoreThe Chrysalis hardens to reject the outside world

It becomes my Tomb. I feel safe here.

Immune to Anxiety

No emails, no meetings.

The DOOM fades to black and so do I.

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