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#its not fair to her because i know she is too
ginnsbaker · 2 days
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fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (5/?)
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Part summary: With Leigh, it feels like for every step forward, you end up taking two steps back.
Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 5.600+ | Warnings Some angst, het stuff | A/N: Texts in italic indicate they happened in the past. We get an insight about R's past with Matt and a little surprise at the end.
Masterlist | Part I Part II | Part III | Part IV
-
You'd hardly expect to meet a decent guy on the street nowadays.
Though, to be fair, it's less about meeting him and more about running straight into him. At the moment, you don't give it much thought. You distinctly remember wincing from the impact, feeling solid muscle and jutting bones, and a surge of irritation bubbles up inside you because you're not exactly having the best day. But then, the man you ran into looks up, and his face is all apologies. 
He looks like he might cry if you don't forgive him, so you do. As you stand there, trying to process the situation, he notices the coffee spilled all over the floor—your coffee, which has now created a sad, dark puddle around your feet.
“Can I buy you another coffee?”
Despite the kind gesture, you find yourself shaking your head, more keen on changing out of your coffee-stained coat than sticking around any longer.
From a few steps away, his impatient friend calls out, “Are you coming, Matt?”
“Yeah, just wait a sec,” Matt responds, his attention still on you. You usually don’t trust men running into you without an agenda, but there’s something about him that tells you he didn’t mean to, and that he’s more than willing to make up for it.
“No, thanks. I got it…”
He looks unnecessarily worried as he leans in a bit closer. “You sure about that?” he asks. 
His brown eyes are the friendliest pair you’ve seen in a while. And being essentially alone in this new town, they pull you in like gravity.
“Y-Yes. Just watch where you’re going next time,” you stammer, attempting to stabilize your shaky legs.
“Matt!”
Matt nods hesitantly, then mumbles, “Sorry, I have to go. Again, I'm really sorry,” before his gaze releases you, and you feel its force that held you in a vice-like grip easing away. 
As you're walking away, you keep having to tell yourself not to look over your shoulder, even though every part of you kind of wants to.
You guess you must be really lonely, to cling onto the first bit of kindness someone throws your way.
-
Your deliberate attempts to bump into Leigh finally pay off one brisk Friday morning. But it’s not in the way you’ve imagined it would go.
The town is just waking up, the chill in the air biting at your cheeks as you take your routine jog through the quiet streets. You've discovered that running suits you better than yoga, mainly because it's something you can do solo, and you've always leaned towards activities where you can be by yourself. You’re tired, but you try to lift your knees higher with every stride, keeping your cadence in check.
Turning a corner, a sudden commotion catches your attention. A group of rowdy teenagers barrel down the sidewalk, loud and oblivious to anything but their own world. One of them, a bit too caught up in the fun, nearly crashes into you, forcing you to swerve unexpectedly.
In your effort to dodge, you step right into the path of Leigh Shaw. 
It all happens too fast; there's no chance for either of you to do anything else. You crash into each other, the impact sending a jolt through your bodies. You tumble sideways, your arm shooting out instinctively, breaking your fall and softening the impact as you land. Leigh lets out a sharp yelp as she staggers forward from the force of the collision, a look of shock quickly spreading across her face. As she falls, her knee scrapes against the rough concrete, and when she finally sits up, there's a noticeable gash, bleeding freely.
“Oh my god, I am so, so sorry,” you blurt out, horrified at the sight. “Are you okay? Can you stand?”
She grimaces, glancing at her knee, then back at you. “Well, I've definitely been better,” she says, trying to keep her voice light despite the pain. You give her a hand up, and as she leans on you for support, you can't help but notice she's dressed in denim shorts, a blue parka, and flip-flops—not exactly the attire for a morning jog. The sun's just starting to show its face, and you're left wondering where she's headed so early, if she's not out for a run or something.
Looking around, you notice the roll-up shutters of nearby establishments are still down, indicating they won't be opening anytime soon. It’s apparent that there's nowhere immediate to find help or a first-aid kit. You scratch the back of your neck, an awkward idea coming to you.
“I don’t think there’s nowhere we can ask for help,” you start, trying not to sound too anxious about what you’re about to suggest. “I've got a first-aid kit at my place, though. It's not far. We could fix you up there, if you're okay with it?”
Leigh takes a beat, and then gives you a nod. “I guess that's my best option right now. Lead the way.”
As you start walking, Leigh instinctively grabs your arm for support. Your foot have barely hit the pavement when she suddenly grips tighter, fingers clawing into your arm as she lets out a hiss of pain. The wound must have stretched as she bent her knee to take a step, and with the way she's limping, you realize making her walk is a bad call.
“Shit, I'm really sorry,” you apologize again, the situation dawning on you. This isn't at all how you wanted to run into Leigh again, especially after trying to find a way to reconnect since the dinner in her car. “Let me get an Uber.”
Leigh starts to object, but you're already pulling out your phone. The last thing you wanted was for your attempt to help to end up hurting her more.
-
“So, where were you headed earlier?” you ask casually, hoping not to pry too much. “Doesn't seem like you were out for a run like I was.”
Leigh’s injury is more severe than you first thought; after hitting a rough patch on the pavement, her knee took the brunt of the fall. The skin is scraped away in several places, revealing angry, reddened flesh beneath. 
“Grocery, or something,” Leigh mumbles, distracted and wincing a bit as you ready another dab of antiseptic for her knee. The moment the cotton touches the wound, she can't help but jerk away slightly.
“Sorry, sorry,” you murmur, soothingly, noticing she's struggling to stay still. To help steady her, you gently hold onto her calf, and that's when you feel your cheeks start to warm up. “I'll be as quick as I can,” you promise, trying to sound more confident than you feel.
“I’m okay. You're doing...fine,” Leigh sighs between clenched teeth, obviously trying to downplay her discomfort. 
You know you're not fine, certainly not in the way Leigh means. All you can hear is yours and Leigh’s breathing, and your heart stuttering in your chest, because despite barely seeing Leigh in recent weeks, this annoying little crush won’t go away. It’s weird enough that she’s Matt’s wife, and you can't shake the feeling that you’re probably the last person she’d ever look at that way. Not to mention, you're not even sure if she's into women.
Once you’re done cleaning her wound, you carefully wrap a bandage around her knee. Then, you head to the fridge to grab some ice, noticing Leigh's puzzled look when you return.
“What’s that for?” she asks, tilting her head slightly.
“I have a feeling you're going to have a bone bruise after that fall,” you explain, handing her the ice wrapped in a cloth. “This should help with the pain and keep the swelling down.”
She accepts it, a small smile of gratitude on her face as she says, “Thanks.”
“No problem, it's my fault anyway.”
“It was an accident,” Leigh points out.
An accident that, if I'm being honest with myself, I was somewhat hoping for, you reflect with regret.
Leigh looks relieved as she presses the ice against her knee, eyes closing for a moment. With the immediate pain taken care of, you can't help but wonder again where she was headed earlier as you start pulling ingredients out of the fridge to whip up some breakfast.
“Hope you're hungry,” you say, flashing a smile as you fire up the stove.
“I'm fine, really,” she says, but the moment the bacon starts sizzling, she caves. “Actually, I could eat.”
With your back to her, you could smirk all you want at her change of heart. After frying up the bacon and eggs, you pull out some leftover rice and begin chopping garlic.
“What are you making?” Leigh asks suddenly from behind you.
“This is something I picked up on my travels through Southeast Asia,” you share as you cook. “Can't do bacon and eggs without it anymore. But I'll get some toast going for you.”
Leigh's face lights up, almost childlike. “Toast sounds great.”
You and Leigh settle into your meal, you with your plate of garlic rice, bacon, and eggs, and Leigh with her toast done just right alongside her bacon and eggs. She surprises you by complimenting how you cooked the eggs, noticing they're slightly burnt to a crisp around the edges.
“I've never had my eggs quite like this before,” she says.
“Oh, that?” you chuckle. “Learned the technique by accident some time ago. Got distracted and ended up leaving them on the heat a bit too long.”
She laughs too, and soon enough, you're both just talking like old friends, the conversation breezy and effortless. You begin to get a real sense of Leigh's sense of humor and it complements yours in the best way. Leigh loops back to when you mentioned visiting Southeast Asia, and you're more than happy to share your experiences, considering she's never left the country.
“...I’m pretty sure Hawaii counts, right? With the weather and everything, plus it’s really far—”
You’re still cracking up over some joke she made moments ago, and now you’re wondering if you’ll ever stop. 
“No way, Leigh, it doesn’t work like that!” you get out between laughs, holding onto your stomach as you shake with laughter.
The more you talk, the more Leigh hangs on every word, making you feel surprisingly at ease. Sharing stories about places you've been and things you've seen becomes less about bragging and more about just sharing your adventures with someone who’s really listening. It's kind of refreshing, actually, feeling this free to dive into your memories with someone so interested.
That is until the topic eventually shifts to your fitness routine. It's then that Leigh offhandedly mentions, “You'll probably see more progress with the new instructor next week. I heard she’s got a certificate and all.”
You pause, fork paused mid-air. “New instructor? You’re not leading the class next week?”
Leigh simply shakes her head no.
“Then, when are you coming back?”
Leigh takes a breath before saying, “I actually quit.”
Hearing her say she’s left the studio nearly makes you spit out your breakfast. You're halfway through a bite, trying to wrap your head around the news, when suddenly, Leigh checks her phone. Before you can even dive into a million questions about why she quit, she's saying she needs to head home.
Your thoughts are spinning, but you don’t miss the opportunity to offer her a ride.
“You drive?” Leigh looks surprised. 
“Yeah, just got the car this weekend,” you manage to say, still reeling from the shock that Leigh won't be at Beautiful Beast anymore.
“Are you sure? I can just call a cab,” Leigh mutters, probably noticing you're a bit out of it. 
“No, really, I insist,” you say. Making her walk on that knee seems like the last thing you should do. 
Leigh tries to brush it off once more, “Again, an accident.”
You ignore her, grabbing your keys from a dusty fishbowl. “Doesn't mean I won't be kicking myself over it.”
She lets out a sigh, and you can't quite tell if she's resigned or just annoyed. 
-
As you pull up in front of Leigh's house for the first time, you're immediately taken in by its typical three-bedroom layout. The lawn, however, looks like it hasn't seen a mower in quite some time, giving the place a lived-in, somewhat neglected feel. You quickly get out of the car to help Leigh to the front step.
Then, out of nowhere, Leigh curses, patting down her pockets in a panic. “Fuck, I forgot my keys.”
“But someone should be home, right?” you ask.
Leigh rings the doorbell, her expression turning sour. “Yeah, my sister,” she mutters, clearly not thrilled at the prospect.
You're taken aback when, a few seconds later, it's Jules from the studio who opens the door. The sharp look they exchange isn't lost on you; it's clear there's more to the story than just Leigh coming home without her keys. You're gearing up to say goodbye, assuming Leigh will head inside, but instead, she turns to you and says, “Wait right here.”
You do as she says, glancing at the ground, shuffling your feet back and forth.
“Hi, I'm Jules, Leigh's sister. I've seen you around at Beautiful Beast. You're one of Leigh's clients?” Jules smiles at you, politely offering a hand for you to shake. You accept it and introduce yourself in return. Watching her face, you see the moment she puts it all together. 
“Oh, you're the vet who Matt had—I'm sorry. It's just, I wasn't expecting to see you here, helping Leigh home.”
You knew where that first sentence was going, but you're silently thankful Jules decided to pull back and not finish it. You force a smile as you explain how you got here. “She was out for groceries, and I kind of ran into her, leading to a bit of a fall, and now—”
“No, she wasn’t,” Jules cuts in sharply. 
“Sorry?”
“Leigh didn't come home last night,” she says. But before you have a chance to process this new information, Leigh returns, clutching a fifty-dollar bill.
“For the trouble,” she tells you, getting in front of Jules.
You attempt to wave it off. “Hey, you don't have to do that—”
But Leigh isn't taking no for an answer, she presses the bill into your hand. You never see it coming what happens next: she plants a quick peck on your cheek, effectively shutting down any further protests. The spot where her lips brushed against your skin tingles, and it’s all you can think about for a moment. Without waiting for you to react properly, Leigh starts herding Jules back inside the house, throwing over her shoulder a quick, “Thanks again, Y/N. Bye.”
You're left there, holding the bill in one hand, touching your cheek with the other, and staring at the closed door, suddenly very aware of how little you actually know about what's going on in Leigh's life.
-
Suzie shoots you that knowing look again as you head out of the clinic decked out in your active gear.
This time, a blush creeps up on your cheeks, memories of your chat with her about someone “making those sweat sessions worth it” floating back, and you try your best not to let your thoughts drift to Leigh. But then it hits you that she won't be there. Despite your dedication, the sheer excitement of going to the studio isn't quite what it used to be without her as your instructor.
Just as Suzie is about to lock up, the door bursts open. A man rushes in, cradling a small dog in his arms, panic written all over his face. He explains, breathless, that his pet is struggling with labor.
Suzie looks back at you. “I could call Foreman for this,” she says, already reaching for her phone. You stand there for a second, deliberating. Leigh won't be at the class; she's no longer at the Beautiful Beast. 
Then, making up your mind, you hold out a hand to stop Suzie. “No, there’s no need. I've got this.”
-
It feels like you've just walked into one of those old-timey romantic movies, where chivalry isn’t dead and everything turns out way better than you could've ever hoped. In hindsight, it’s better. Because it’s real, and you're right in the middle of it, living a dream you didn't even know you had, with the kind of guy you thought only existed in those movies.
The night air is cool and light, brushing against your skin as the car slows to a stop in front of your apartment. To say the least, it's been an unexpected evening for a first date, and easily one of the best.
As Matt pulls up to your building, he turns to you, a sheepish grin lighting up his face. “Well, here we are,” he says, as if surprised you've arrived so soon. 
You don’t want to say goodbye. Not yet. So you stay put in the passenger seat, doing your best to draw out the last strands of the evening.
“So, Nick was the mastermind behind all this?” you tease, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between you two. 
Matt chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, about that... I had no clue he asked for your number until he handed it to me and said, ‘You owe me one’.”
“He’s the perfect wingman, then?”
“I guess you could say that,” Matt agrees, smiling. “I didn't tell him about my interest in you, but Nick knew anyway. He's good at reading people, always has been.”
“I see,” you say, your gaze following the contours of his cheeks, which carry a soft pink blush. It could be from the red wine you both enjoyed at dinner, or, you find yourself hoping, it might be because of you. “Well, he has my thanks. I really thought he was the one interested in me though.”
Matt laughs, a sound that rumbles deep in his chest. “No, it was always me. Since the moment I, uh, ran into you.”
There’s a moment where you both just stare at each other, tacitly acknowledging the serendipity of it all—the accidental meeting that could've ended with a simple apology and nothing more. 
Yet here you are.
“You know, I'm glad it was you,” you profess, feeling a boldness that usually isn't there. 
Matt breaks into a huge grin, but it's really in his eyes where you can see just how happy your remark has made him.
“Would you... maybe want to do this again? Without the running into each other part, I mean,” he says softly.
You laugh, nodding. “I'd like that. Just maybe start with coffee next time. And no spilling.”
“Deal,” he says, his grin infectious.
As you step out of the car, a proposition forms in your mind and you backtrack.
“Would you like to get that coffee now?”
-
Sometimes, you find yourself dreaming about your memories with Matt, particularly the part Leigh interrogated you about. Even though you stuck to the facts, you couldn't shake off the feeling that you were somehow deceiving her.
You wonder if this is why you haven't been able to sleep for days. That, coupled with the fact that you've been handling emergencies yourself instead of calling Foreman as you used to. Suzie has mentioned that since you're taking on all the emergency cases, you might be overcompensating your intern. You don’t tell Suzie though that your work has become a welcome distraction from the realization that your new hobby no longer holds your interest, leaving you with extra hours to fill before returning to the solitude of your apartment.
And without seeing Leigh, there’s only your own head to get your fill of her. You find yourself thinking about her now and then, about what she's been doing, wondering if she's found a new job after leaving her yoga instructor position. She crosses your mind at the most random hours of the day, take right now, for example—staring at this little 8-day-old Shih Tzu puppy in the incubator, its fur somehow has you thinking of Leigh's hair color.
The puppy was part of a litter brought in for a C-section. Tragically, its mother didn't survive, and the owner, possibly overwhelmed by the situation and the impending bills, abandoned them. Out of four puppies, this one, the runt of the litter, was the sole survivor.
“What are we going to do with you, huh?” you muse aloud, the puppy blinking back with innocent eyes. “I can't take you for myself; you'd just end up living here in the clinic with me. And let's be honest, living in a hospital can't be much fun, right? It’s not safe either, exposes you to diseases.”
You sigh, brushing its length with your forefinger. “The other choice is to send you to a shelter. I'm sure someone would fall head over heels for you and adopt you in no time. But,” you sigh, your heart heavy, “I can't guarantee that'll happen quickly, as much as we both might want it to.”
“Finding where you fit in this big world isn't easy, you know? It's like searching for that one place, or that one person, where you could simply just… belong to. But I guess when you finally find it, it feels like winning the lottery, right?”
The puppy makes a noise, automatically bringing a smile to your lips. You wonder if Leigh has ever thought of the same thing—about searching for where she belongs after losing her home and everything familiar when Matt passed away. Perhaps it's even scarier for her. The thought of finding that one thing that's uniquely ours, only to lose it forever. What if we're only given one thing that's truly meant for us?
And once it's gone, what does that leave us with?
-
One sleepless night, after deciding to bring the puppy home for a more personal touch in its care, a thought crosses your mind. What if you could restore some of what was inadvertently taken from Leigh? Maybe bring back a piece of home and purpose that seemed to have slipped through her fingers when her world turned upside down?
It’s true, the puppy's late-night energy partly nudged the thought your way, but deep down, you believe Leigh will be perfect for him. You're sure she'll adore him, and he's bound to love her just as much.
Just as you're settling back to attempt sleep again, your phone starts ringing. You blink at the screen, disbelief washing over you as you see it's Leigh calling—the same woman you've recently realized you have feelings for, and who's been on your mind just moments ago. A part of you wonders if she dialed the wrong number by mistake, but it keeps ringing, compelling you to answer.
“Leigh?” you answer, the name almost a question in itself.
On the other end, you hear her take a deep breath—an ironic move given how the call exudes a vibe of urgency. Then, she speaks, her voice clear yet carrying an undercurrent of something you can't quite place. 
“Y/N Are you available to talk right now?”
“Yeah, I am. What's going on—”
“No, not on the phone. Can you meet me right now?”
You glance down at yourself, noting your sleep shorts and tee. You're so comfortable and cozy in bed, and the puppy had just gotten to sleep. It's tempting to reschedule this some other time. But the thought of Leigh Shaw on the other end of the line, coupled with the worrying nature of her request, tilts the balance. The idea of saying no, only to find out something bad happened to her, is something you know you wouldn’t forgive yourself for.
“Yes, I can meet you,” you say, hurrying your movements and snatching your jacket from the cabinet. “Where?”
-
The date doesn't end with just late-night coffee.
Matt's hand is on your ass, fingers digging in like he owns the place. You’re gripping his tie, pulling him in, again and again. Both of you are still wearing all your clothes, but they're starting to feel like barriers as you both lean into each other, striving to get as close as humanly possible.
The invitation for a nightcap, decaffeinated per his request, had both of you sitting a bit too close on the couch, sharing silly smiles over steaming cups as if you were already lost in love. When the cups were drained, conversation drifted dangerously towards the topic of sex, and that's when you caught yourself staring at Matt's lips. Before he had a chance to react, you were going for it, giving into weeks of pent-up sexual tension.
Matt's lips find their way to your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. Encouraged by the heat of the moment, your fingers start to work on the buttons of Matt's shirt, eager to explore further. 
But then his hands caught yours.
“W-Wait…”
You’re stunned, pulling back almost reflexively, feeling a bit embarrassed as you tried to figure out if you crossed a line.
“Did I... do something wrong?” you ask.
Matt shakes his head and then kisses you on the forehead. He further reassures you by saying, “No, no, it's not you. I just think we might be rushing things a bit. I really like you, and I want us to be sure about this, you know?”
Inside, you’re a mess of wants and needs, but as much as you want him tonight, you realize you want him even more tomorrow, and the day after. You won't rush this, especially if he's not ready. So, you nod, squashing down the throbbing between your legs as you try to concentrate on anything but his half-open shirt. 
“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything,” he adds, wearing that apologetic look on his face that got you the first time.
In response, you hold Matt's face gently, giving him a quick, soft kiss on the lips. “I really like you too,” you say, despite feeling like those words pale in comparison to what you truly feel for him.
Standing up, you figure he'll say his goodbyes and head out. But instead, Matt looks up at you, a sheepish grin spreading across his face.
“I don't want to rush things,” he repeats. “But, I also don't really want to leave just yet. Would it be okay if I stayed the night?”
The request takes you by surprise, a warm fluttering sensation bubbling up inside you at the thought of him wanting to stay. “Of course, you can stay,” you whisper, a smile tugging at your lips. “But I hope you're okay with the couch.”
Matt laughs and starts pulling off his socks. “There's nowhere else I'd rather be.”
-
Ever since Leigh asked to meet at a gas station on the sketchier side of town, your anxiety hasn't settled. It's a part of town known for trouble, somewhere you'd rather not be, especially in the dead of night. It doesn’t matter, because you’re hopelessly driven by concern and an unspoken affection that won't let you say no to her, no matter the time or place.
You walk up to the convenience store next to the gas station, its fluorescent lights flickering ominously, almost like you've just stepped into the opening scene of a horror movie. It's dead silent, aside from a radio playing inside the store, turned up by the person manning it in a feeble attempt to fill the silence or maybe to keep company. Leigh is inside, visible through the large, pane-glass window, nursing a coffee, alone. The way she's standing, something's off. 
You make your way towards her, hands buried deep in the comfort of your hoodie's pockets. 
“Hey—”
She's like a coiled spring at the sound of your voice. That should’ve been your first clue.
“Why did you lie?” Leigh asks point-blank.
“Leigh, I—What do you mean?”
Leigh's face twists into a grimace that chills you to the bone, a clear sign that tonight's going down one of two paths: either you both find a way through this mess, or she cuts you out for good. But you're lost, genuinely clueless about any lie she's accusing you of. You've been straight with her, at least you think you have.
Her nostrils flare, her eyes burning holes into you as she waits for some sort of confession. But all you can give her is a dumbfounded look.
After a while, Leigh's patience wears thin. “We're not doing this here,” she growls, glaring at the lone store clerk, who seems amused and makes no attempt to hide his interest in eavesdropping on the conversation.
“Leigh, I seriously don't know what you're talking about.”
“Just come with me,” she snaps, ushering you back outside, pulling at your arm with a grip that leaves no room for argument. It's painful, the way her nails dig into your skin, but you suppose you deserve it, whatever it might be. If it helps her release her anger, you're willing to bear it.
Leigh stops, plants her hands on her hips, and just looks at you, like she's waiting for something to click in your head. “Leigh, please—” you start, but you're cut off not by her anger this time, but by the sight of her eyes glistening, fighting back tears.
“You're really going to make me say it?” she manages to choke out, before giving a humorless laugh and running a frustrated hand over her face. Before you can protest again, she thrusts a phone into your hand. It's lit up, a text conversation open and waiting. As you scroll through the messages, your mouth opens in shock. They're from Matt. 
Skimming through the texts, your jaw nearly hits the ground. He's recounting your first date, detailing how the night ended with him at your place. He admits nothing happened, but not for a lack of desire. Instead, he confesses he held back because he's still wrestling with the fact that he's married to Leigh. He mentions wanting to make sure when he jumps in with you, he's not dragging any “chains” along.
He goes on, saying he felt you were on the same page, ready to go further, and implies the only reason things didn't heat up was because he had self-control. Reading this, you can't decide if Matt's just showing off or if he's trying to justify his half-steps to whoever's reading this on the other end.
“Whose phone is this?” you blurt out, the only question that registers in your brain. It turns out to be the wrong thing to say, though, as it’s precisely the spark that ignites Leigh's fury, sending it cascading over the edge.
“Don’t fucking change the subject!”
You press your lips into a thin line, your own frustration simmering. “I didn't lie to you, Leigh.” You wave the phone with Matt’s messages like some kind of proof, arguing, “He even says here nothing happened!”
“It's not just about what did or didn't happen!” she fires back, her eyes blazing. “You wanted it to happen. You were ready to go there with him. You wanted more, and you're still not owning up to it.”
At this point, keeping your emotions under wraps isn't an option anymore. 
“Yes! Of course, I wanted to go there with him,” you explode, your hands coming up in the air in surrender. “I found him attractive, thought he was a great guy, and—single, Leigh! I thought he was single when I was falling for him, okay? Are you happy now?”
Leigh's response is to laugh, but it's not a happy sound. It's bitter, mocking, and it just keeps going. 
You're standing there, breathing hard, your breath visible in the chilly air, when it hits you why she’s so upset: When you were telling her the details of your affair, you made it sound as if what happened—or almost happened—was just a casual fling. And Leigh, she just soaked up that version. In doing so, she somehow managed to forgive Matt, forgive you for your role in it, and even toy with the idea of being friends with you.
You made her believe it didn’t mean anything more than what she meant to him. It ripped off the bandage and thrust a knife back into her wound.
After Leigh's laughter fizzles out, the cold seems to bite a little harder, and you notice her shivering—whether from the cold or the tumult of emotions, you can't tell. She's just in shorts and a thin shirt, unprepared for the temperature drop.
Seeing her like this, vulnerable and cold, you feel the urge to just hug her and make her feel a fraction of how badly you regret deceiving her all along. Because saying “I'm sorry” feels way too small for the giant mess of feelings you're dealing with, especially the ones about her that you didn't even realize were piling up until now.
“Leigh,” you whisper, bargaining for something you don’t know.
She meets your gaze, a bit more peace in her eyes now, but that doesn't stop the tears from finally rolling down her cheeks. She's about to speak when suddenly a car pulls up in front of you, its headlights flashing across your faces, momentarily blinding you both.
A man steps out of the car, and Leigh recognizes him immediately. You do too, although it takes you a second longer to realize. Before either of you could react, he's already launching into a tirade. “Leigh, what the hell? Leaving in the middle of the night, stealing my phone—”
“Not now, Danny.”
You freeze, every fiber of your being locking onto the newcomer—because you're almost certain Leigh misspoke. 
His name is not Danny.
It’s Nick.
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parallelplayers · 2 days
Note
Glance roommate au with G or H dialogue 🙏
Second part (even though u submitted first anon lol) from here
It had been three weeks of living with Lance. Three weeks of not being woken up by parties at all hours of the night, of working showers, of a roommate who primarily spoke English.
He could handle the French, because it wasn’t like Lance was ever trying to talk to him in French. Just … on the phone and around George, it felt like.
Lance did have his cons, though. George would have to figure out a scheme to have no roommate next year. It felt like every so often he was too much for Lance, like he took up too much of the room. Like Lance wanted him to do something or say something but George didn’t know what?
It all came to a head one night when Lance was fidgeting. Which was another thing, it was like Lance was so antsy sometimes, like he didn’t know what to do with himself. Which made no sense to George because he had friends on campus, more than George did. He played on the intramural basketball team. What did he have to feel anxious about?
“Lance, question for you.” Lance stopped jiggling his foot off of his bed. “Do you want me to stay?”
“What?” Lance sounded befuddled. Which, to be fair, wasn’t difficult. It only took him four or so days to understand Lance-speak. That or Lance was very tired, like the time he’d convinced George to carry him back from the dining hall.
“You’re just - sometimes I feel like I’m bothering you? Or like I should be doing something? But I can’t tell?” George gestured to Lance’s foot, where it’d picked up its bouncing again. “Like you’re nervous or uncomfortable, and it’s your room too, so do you want me to go?"
“No, stay. Please don’t, um, I’m sorry."
Lance could be so strange. He had so much money, he could afford to live off campus, alone, and yet he was stuck in here with George. Hadn’t even complained when George had forced him to the local mall and made him buy these Wallflower things. Their room was not going to smell horrible. After the last one, it needed to be - nice.
“Why? I feel like I’m the one who should be sorry. Clearly you aren’t settling with me here -"
“S’opposite of that, actually. I, uh, uh …” Lance started to jiggle again, clearly annoyed, and George wanted to bite out a few cutting remarks, or urge him on, but he didn’t want to piss Lance off. He didn’t want to go back to Azerbaijan land. “So I come from a really close family, okay?"
“Alright.” George knew that, he listened. Lance’s older sister didn’t even go to uni, she ended up going on a series of spiritual retreats until she met her husband. George knew that because the first day he’d moved in, Chloe had insisted on FaceTiming Lance to meet George and told him her whole life story.
“And I’m - I - uh - I know you talk about moving off campus all the time, think I’m stupid for wanting to be in the dorms, but I struggle with being alone."
“Okay. Nothing weird about that, Lance. Just felt like I was bothering you. As long as I’m not -"
Lance groaned, and George knew he pulled a face, and Lance pulled one back. This is why they were good as roommates, they really were quite similar for all of their very distinct differences.
He took his desk chair and turned it around so he was fully facing Lance. “What, Lance? What is it? I can’t read your mind."
“Well I’m comfy around you George, okay?” That came out kind of angry, but he had been aggressive. He went to answer - “No, shut up. Let me finish, okay? I’m comfy and I’m used to having my family around and cuddling and I’m kinda missing that, okay?"
Did Lance want to snuggle? George was -
George was interested. So instead of asking, he leaned over, picked up his textbook, and strode over to Lance’s bed. “Move over.” Lance’s eyes bugged out. “Please."
Lance did move over, got under his covers, and this bed was a joke, two young men in one, but whatever. George sat gingerly on the other side, and Lance fluffed a pillow and George leaned back into it, his actual back ramrod straight.
“Well, make yourself comfortable. I still have twenty pages left, and I have no clue as to what you were up to.” He fumbled with the heavy textbook in his left, non-dominant hand, but Lance was on his right.
Lance took no time in scrunching into his side, eyes running across the title of George’s textbook. “What are you reading?"
George awkwardly got his arm into place, semi-cradling Lance while holding the edge of the textbook. “My textbook."
“What’s it about?”
Another con of living with Lance. Lance wanted him to explain even the obvious. “As you can see -"
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anotherpapercut · 8 months
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the girlbossification of ruth bader ginsburg has to be one of the most just plain annoying aspects of white liberal feminism. like it's not as actively harmful as a lot of other shit obviously. but it is soooooo annoying. if I never see another notorious rbg tote bag as long as I live it will be too soon
#her opinions and amicus' in many cases were iconic! not denying that certainly. she is absolutely AMONG the better justices in us history#HOWEVER her record on policing/the carceral system is very bad! genuinely bad!#and she just would not hold the conservative justices accountable. her and kagan are way too placating#and then she refused to retire in 2009 when there was a sitting democratic president and a fucking DEMOCRATIC SUPER MAJORITY#saying basically that no one else could do the job as well as her which is insane because sotomayor and KBJ literally are better :/#its also unbelievably conceited and just incredibly fucking selfish to knowingly doom the country because you think youre hot shit#started ranting abt this at work bc literally any talk even adjacent to the supreme court will set me off abt all of us court history#and my coworker was like 'well i dont think its very fair that she had to have that much riding on her decision to retire'#it literally is fair because that is the fucking job that she signed up for. this has literally always been how it fucking works#its a lifetime appointment. you either die unexpectedly or retire strategically#she accepted a position in which the entire country would depend on her but its not fair for the entire country to depend on her???#bullshit#im not fucking buying it. she did this knowing roe would likely be struck down as a result#she should absolutely be held accountable for that lmfao. you can know that she had a hand in a lot of great decisions for this country#while also knowing that she did a fucked up and extremely selfish thing
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turtletoria · 1 year
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older sister!!!
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i will say again and again how DELIGHTED i am that priya won. but i am also delighted that she and bowie made it to the finale together. about halfway through my initial watch of the season i just kinda went “oh it has to be them in the final two. it HAS to be” and for once in my life total drama agreed!! because it couldn’t be anyone else it HAD to be them!! and it was!!
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falled-over · 9 months
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i am actually un diagnosing as autistic due to my proficiency at eye contact. i in fact have to remind myself to look away thats how good i am at it. i would get an A+ in eye contact
#for anyone outside of the know i will explain the joke because my sarcasm doesnt always read as such;#autistic people often struggle with disliking eye-contact and many have practiced rituals for the normal amount of eye contact which are so#distracting to perform correctly that they can lose focus on what the conversation is about#i personally was reprimanded for gazing off into space quite young so i have zero issue looking people in the eye when they talk#but i dont know what the appropriate amount is. so i do too much.#i seriously just stare at them intently for the entire time the both of us are speaking and have to manually look away when i speak (normal#way to act based on observation) and occasionally glance off around me#so the joke is i still struggle with eye contact. but most people wouldnt realise that because they think autism is the same for erryone#my overcompensation due to my natural awkwardness makes me struggle in the opposite way#its also a joke about how because people think all autism is the same many people dont get diagnosed. never been an issue for me personally#because i realised at an age at which support is no longer really offered so all it would get me is banned from entry into some countries#(autistic people are barred from becoming citizens in some countries due to perceived higher support needs)#also i once said to my dad i thought i had adhd and he said 'you dont have adhd. you know that'. and my mum regularly talks about autistic#people as a third party to me. and about how she works with them#to be fair to both of them my dad is 100% autistic and knows it (accepted this fact at51) and my mum is probably autistic but i dont want to#talk to her about it so shes just going to be weird forever#oversharing online is important because what if someone wanted to know that
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ouchhq · 2 months
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i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested
#yesterday was kind of the wake up call#for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or#not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways#and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the#most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books#95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different#anyway i digress#my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her#i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to#keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally#like i was SOBBING#and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever#and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain#and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant#and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up#and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind#and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going#to the dentist….ok#and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening#like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply#and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so#and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this!#and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in#when u do have time because clearly u can send texts…#anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!
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lochley · 1 year
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forever mystified by how the other races get politically trained diplomats but humans just get a military commander to resolve intricate interspecies disputes......... like...... i'm guessing/hoping they have to get some training there inherent to being a soldier, and then additional training before taking that post, but uh? where are the human diplomats. why are you letting hothead susan ivanova handle these things. why is john j space jesus sheridan president of the universe can he define different voting systems. does he know what a tetrarchy is. where's your political science degree my good cowboy dude who had to be hand-fed basic minbari cultural fun facts by his bridge between worlds wifey
#og#i see the value in having a military position there but i dont like the fact it's both military and diplomacy unless im missing something#like those feel very different#also brings up a few things i guess like...#how im sure g'kar had a military background (but while Also being part of the kha'ri)#or how delenn is a religious caste girlie BUT with political background so if a warrior caste diplomat was chosen#they would have likely had the same immersion into grey council affairs#its interesting that ppl dont Know shes a grey council girl but accept her because i suppose... maybe she had some other#qualifications and/or dont question the council it's rude and you;ll start another war#idk just like the diplomats have these rich histories that make them qualified (mostly lol) to be there#and im sure being a military commander means sheridan (and sinclair too!!) would have had a fair bit of#experience out in the galaxy and at showy events with other races (time in the outer territories aside) but....#idk is that really political training as much as it is 'i made the mistake of saluting a pakmara general once and#almost started a war! learned my lesson haha'#and then you do get the understanding that sinclair was chosen due to valen shenanigans but#STILL you can have a military position there AND some human diplomats beneath or above or adjacent to it#what am i not understanding j;lsalkjdfklsdjf#were there human diplomats or do i need to make an oc who's crushed by the weight of the military characters' bad decisions
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shireisasleep · 6 months
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guys the vibe was thrown all the way the fuck off
tw for abusive parents (it doesnt seem abusive but she IS emotionally manipulative
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ok so i got pissed off at my mom bc shes being a bitch to me for no reason and i told her to leave me alone and i didnt wanna go on a walk with her so she was like wah ewweh weh cancel ur shit and i tell her "girliepop i cant cancel my shit u old fucking hag i got banned' "U GOT BANNED?!?!?#>?$!>?>!#$!?>#$!" 'yeah i said i was bisexual, then got banned, and got banned again cause i said i got banned, cause i was bisexual' "you have to be more careful with what you say online!!" "oh so were bisexual now?" 'girl why do you CARE youre not even homophobic' i told her to die in a fire cause shes manipulating me into being straight AGAIN methinks "waah waahh ur so ungrateful ur so mean u treat me like shit wah wahh i cant wait for u to go to ur sister and play the victim" 'ur playing the victim rn...' "DONT TALK BACK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!" '..fuck off.' and then she fucked off
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rebelband · 2 years
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#scc log#|| tiny reasons I get to give my cap'n heterochromia exhibit A an outright fix & replacement because aesthetics are important#that being said since he (and cks in later following) were recruited for the sake of decreasing swt's workload#inevitably swt and manager has had their own relationship and she gets to know swt's the stupidest about its own state - thoughts of#inferiority and all that. which she keeps confidential but there's at least one point in time cpn accidentally stumbles across it in a#vulnerable state so... huh! warming up to and/or respecting your partner through weird circumstances over time#|| on a semi-related note. manager has also had to deal with q5u and palette and many more#(in which she can manage it because of course she can but this is to note that queen's also helped her out since she's... vital ? (and also#a friend). do you feel me)#something something... handling audio services & having assisted in voice speech & language -> devices such as say...#a player and a speaker especially would not be entirely out of her range#if anything there's always the web search too so like -#getting too into it but maybe you get the point#my timeline is stretched unreasonably but I'm a sucker for friendship dynamics that are also a little complicated and increasingly so after#conflict and - (mutes myself.)#you? trying to hide your insecurities and flaws? manager will straighten that out for you <3#truth be told BOTH of these short dumbasses have gotten into their fair share of fights
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princekirijo · 8 months
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Finally getting round to reading the Scarlet Pimpernel (free eBooks my beloved) and while I am really enjoying the story and everything is pretty easy to follow, the sheer royalist tones the book has is a lot
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bnyrbt · 2 years
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homestuck AU where vriska goes to therapy
#sasha#i recently reread the scene where terezi meets aranea and wow vriska has mental health issues#reading that scene again was just like ‘wow this kid genuinely thinks that horrific violence is a normal part of relating to other people’#she literally blinds her best friend and then is like ‘now we’re even & can go back to normal! ::::)’#she clearly enjoys being friends with terezi but she blinds her anyway because she doesn’t know any other way to interact with people#vriska serket my poor little meow meow with untreated NPD and ASPD#like it’s not just that she expects terezi to forgive her for that it’s that she is ready to forgive terezi#(not that i remember every detail of that whole revenge cycle so i’m not actually sure why she was mad at terezi)#like she just. very much thinks that violence is normal and doesn’t understand why other people don’t accept it the same way she does#all of alternian society is structured to encourage this but because she’s a highblood she relates to it differently than say sollux#the lower bloods have a sense of solidarity. they recognize that the system they live in isn’t fair because it disadvantages them#and terezi is just 1 tier lower than vriska but she has closer relationships with karkat and nepeta and iirc tavros and aradia#and probably has a better understanding of alternia’s legal system & therefore is in a better position to notice its flaws#vriska has a ‘friendship’ with tavros characterized by her tormenting him because she thinks that’s how life works#she thinks people need to toughen up and that she’s doing him a favor by being so rough#and i think tavros buys into that too to some degree#but like. she seriously thinks she’s being kind to him! she seriously thinks that she’s naturally better than him and her abuse is an act#of charity
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just finished s6 of elementary (finished s5 on sunday. lol) and i’m trying to get my friends to watch it also so unfortunately i can’t drown them in my spoilery rantings so instead everything is going in the tags here so uh. abandon all hope ye who enter these tags, spoilers abound
#im gonna pad these tags a bit actually#so the spoilers go behind a 'read more' or whatever#youre welcome <3#have i mentioned you should watch this show#anyways we're probably safe now su#HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIT#that is not at ALL where i expected that to go#gregson was really warming up to me this season. he had never really stood out as a characted before but i think he really shown in s5&6#but man. that finale. honestly idk if i can forgive his character for that. i know he was just trying to protect his daughter but she had to#take responsibility for killing michael because it was not fair for joan to take the fall for that even unintentionally. im definitely gonna#miss him tho. and marcus too. i mean i knew his presence was coming to an end anyways with the marshalls but this finale has really dissolve#d the core cast here. now its jsut sherlock and joan. back in london too; thats quite the move#and in the last season. i guess the total shift is setting and cast didnt do well with ratings? or maybe it was always going to end at 221b#idk. but i think my favorite part of this season was sherlock completely devoting himself to the idea of joan getting a kid#personally idk how i feel about the narrative making her a mother in the end. i could say it has come problematic implications about women's#roles but honestly within the context on the narrative? i dont think thats entirely true. anyways i jsut thought it was super cure how much#sherlock just wanted joan to be happy and fulfilled. 'i would make adjustments for you watson always.' 'we're two people who love each other#they way he develops through her. the way he learns how to love and be loved. the way he becomes kinder and he lets down his walls to laugh#with her and smile with her. the way that they understand each other in ways nobody else ever has. it makes me som emotinal#HE NAMED A BEE AFTER HER#im never going to get over that#anyways 'uncle detective' is maybe the cutest thing ever. he cleaned up his murder dollhouse for a kid she didnt even have yet :)#ok i think im done. for now. its 1am and i have class at 8:30 so uh i guess  i'll just die about it but oh well. i was gonna watch one more#and then i realized the one after that one was the season finale so you see how i did what i had to#anyways. good night#:')#will tags this far in even get registered? oh well#elementary#cbs elementary#please someone talk to me about them
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i wish betting on wrestling was like a thing because while i would never win if i bet on anything else (am bad at recognising patterns that actually mean anything) i would cash in soooooo much because i can ALWAYS tell when a jericho feud’s gonna run way too long again 😌
#hello hi . im stressed out this fair sunday evening#feel like im failing at school already its been like a month and yet#one of my teachers v much implied i'd fail her assignment if i didnt do a bunch of extra shit and like#theres reasons for it that i can see from her side but theres also just the issue that i told her about of like#i just dont know how to work with that many materials and slash or i cant go out and buy all these things right now#and then she's like well go down to xyz and ask them to do it for you and its like honey i dont know why you think we've got such a like#mutually beneficial relationship going on between all the applied and fine arts in this school like#thats a fiction that lives in your head ... especially after we just didn't exist in this school for a whole year#and anyway. i went ahead and tried some different materials and its just like. you cant make up what an insane failure thats been#and its not that i didnt try my best its just that like idk what she wants from me#cause anyway theres a reason i picked the materials that i did the first time round#changing those just kinda changes the meaning of the thing in general... which is something SHE teaches us#anyway. and tomorrow i have class w someone who i'm Difficult with (as in like i have a hard time around her im not purposefully difficult)#(its just that she makes me feel that way cause of the 'tism and cause of the fact she thinks she knows how to handle the 'tism)#(she doesnt)#and again i did a lot of work for her im just sure she's gonna expect me to have done more#but in my defense. i need to go to the doctor and see if they can prescribe me some form of ritalin bc my exhaustion was so bad last wk#and has been bad for a hot second lately#and theres really only so much i can do with the spoons at hand#anyway. and im also Sad Right Now because ive been ignored and interrupted while saying things a little too frequently recently#and im not laughing. im having a Time.#i didnt even have that bad of a week all things considered but goddd i need a break
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stonerzelda · 2 years
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While being all brokenhearted and sad writing that post it should be noted that i thought i saw a house centipede in the bed and jumped up, only to find the sweetest roundest little baby mouse that ever lived hiding behind the bed. Tha k u little mouse for trying to cheer me up but sneaking up on me in my blankets is not ideal for me. Esp at almost 4am. Im sorry
#edit: k i deleted most of the posts crying abt this bc like. whatever#i dont care about that sack of shit at least i know i was fuckin right to block them bc they WOULD have gotten worse#like aw a 20 yr old u thought was cool turned out to be creeped out by ur progressively weird messages abt other users uve had sex with? :(#sooo weird aha they must just be dumb❤ like lol#all i care abt is making sure things at least end in good terms with my old mutual bc. she was cool. and id hate for her to think i was#ever malicious T__T this sux.#altho i still dont know for sure if this is what happened like if they turned everyone on me but. cant shake the feeling#it was all around the same time i should have guessed but i GUESS i thought theyd be a fuckin adult and get over it#sigh. idk. this is so dumb im just upset at the feeling This is why we all drifted. like im in the wrong for not wanting to be friends#w someone who was way too comfortable just...sharing shit i didnt consent to hear abt ppl i knew that Also didnt consent to me being told#qnd this all happened SO LONG ago and i didnt even know because i thought this asshole would be normal for some reason!!#this whole time ive been disappointed n a little sad in not seeing certain ppl active anymore but still thibking fondly of them#and this whole time. they could've just been fed lies abt me. its 730am im so fuckin tired but this thought is rly hurtin 😞#....i just rly hope this isnt why ok. because this isnt anywhere near fuckin fair if it is. im fine if they just dont wanna follow anymore#thats fine im 200% cool with that and i Respect when ppl need to move on whatever i get THAT. but its fuckin greasy if it was out of spite.
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nblizzieforbes · 2 years
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Honestly I really have considered making Valerie a half ghost at some point in this fic bc I mean that's so fun but honestly the dichotomy of her being a completely human ghost hunter in contrast to Danny is important to me in this fic idk.
#also like. full ghost danny au wherein Danny and Valerie maybr have started to get along or maybe just aren't entirely antagonistic#and valerie turns into a half ghost and danny helps her but is also kinda resentful bc she didnt have to lose everything! she didn't! and#thats not fair! why did he?#like full ghost danny would be so jealous#half ghost Danny feels guilty and bad and theres a little of they with full ghost danny too for sure but there is also some resentment snd#anger and jealousy there.#abd like one day after theyve been training for a while and shit Val's complaining and danny judt fucking snaps#and goes off at her about how at least shes alive. even if not fully in some sense of the word shes alive abd shes so lucky and#does she know what he'd give to be in her shoes??? and she snaps right back telling him to fuck off. she didnt choose this and its not her#fault he died and she doesnt fucking want this! she didnt ask for his fucking jealousy and she doesnt need him taking out his issues on her#when she has every reason to be angry too!#and its so interesting bc theyre angry. esp val but theyre both so angry but underneath it all is such a profound sadness.#and they avoid each other for a few days because theyre both hot headed wnd stubborn but then#danny finds her and apologizes like 'im sorry. i know you didnt choose this either. its just really hard hearing you complain and#knowing all the things im missing thay you still have. but youre ritht. thats not your fault.'#and valerie processes and says damn right its not her fsult but she does say shes sorry shes been so inconsiderate#(for the way she refers to her ghost half as this monstrous thing directly to him) but more than anytjing for the fact that it all happened#for the fact that he's dead and he can never go home snd that she's been so focused on herself that she didn't realize how#much that sucks#and then they talk about their families idk#my gray ghost au ranting#luca talks#text
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