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blackjackkent · 6 months

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Went into the owlbear cave near where Edowin was killed, because a little bird (@morganaseren) told me there was a pet we could obtain here. (Y'all know my priorities so well. :P )

And there it is! IDK if this is actually the pet - I'm guessing probably not, but I wouldn't mind if it was. It's cute! What a chonker.

Also distressed. Hopefully we can help it and not get horribly mauled.

I don't think it likes us being here.

Hector completely biffed his attempt at an animal handling check, but did roll a Nat 20 on survival which allowed him to back the fuck up and not engage in combat (which his companions all approved of, presumably because it means they did not become owlbear food).

LOOK THOUGH IT HAS ITS BABY BEHIND IT

It's so smol and round look at it.

IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT however - when Karlach leveled up, she took the Wildheart barbarian subclass which, among other things, gives her (trumpet fanfare) Speak with Animals! (Once a day.)

Unfortunately, no one in the party has a very good charisma score and hers is not top of the pack, but we'll give it a go.

The owlbear once again goes into a defensive stance as they approach - but this time, Karlach can hear its voice resonating in her head along with the clicking of its beak.

"What's this? Something weak...something tender... Won't even have to chew you before I feed you to my son, softmeat."

(A/N: And she comes precooked too!)

With the ability to communicate, even if all the communication so far is threats, Karlach is able to draw a little closer - and identify why the creature is so agitated.

"You're injured. There's still half a *spear* lodged in your head."

Acknowledging this, however, does not improve the owlbear's disposition. "It's a splinter. I've gutted bigger threats than you with worse."

OK this isn't working. Reload. (Some googling indicates that without the Animal Handling check or killing the momma owlbear we're not going to get anywhere.) Once again I end up using an inspiration on gaining animal friends and I'm okay with this. :P

(I can't wait to do a druid playthrough, bc I am going to speak with animals ALL THE TIME. XD )

Narrator: The owlbear's one good eye flicks away for a moment. You follow its glance...and see an owlbear cub.

!!!!! LOOK AT IT. LOOK HOW CUTE IT IS. IT IS SO ROUND I WANT TO LOVE IT.

Hold out your palms - you mean no harm.

Narrator: The owlbear stars, then sharply inhales your scent. It sits back, its eye still fixed on you. A silent ultimatum...you can leave now, or step closer and die.

OK fuck it I'm looking up how to do this. XD

Apparently we have to leave here, having made contact with the momma owlbear. The baby will now appear at the goblin camp of all places. So let's go over there.

Tragically, this does mean fighting all the goblins we avoided dealing with previously. BUT IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

...I think.

This was an extremely challenging battle and I'm honestly pretty proud of us for making it through. No sign of the owlbear cub though, so we'll take a long rest (which after that we really needed anyway).

(And then a whole bunch of stuff happened involving Astarion and blood which we will get to in another post because wow.)

A second long rest, however, and...

Narrator: You recognize the feathered creature - it's the owlbear cub you rescued.

AHHHHHHH LOOK AT IT IT'S SO CUTE A:LJKDSFPO:SDIHJFPAOIJ

Hector thinks so too.

Quick glance at the IGN guide because it's 1AM and I need to finish this post, which yields this incredibly excellent tidbit:

That's fkin adorable.

Also adorable: basically everyone in camp INCLUDING ASTARION approved when I brought it some food. Lae'zel was the only one unmoved by the the small friendshaped ball of fluff.

It ate the food we offered it, and then scampered off into the woods when Shadowheart spoke and startled it.

One more long rest...we're investing a lot of camp supplies in this process. :P

(Also cut for time: a giant fight between Shadowheart and Lae'zel which will also get its own post. I hope everyone's enjoying all the foreshadowing.)

(Also Scratch brought Hector a ball which was adorable.)

Finally! The final scene!

Hi again bud!

Narrator: The cub holds out his leg, revealing a ragged wound.

Aw buddy. :( Let's see if we can help with that.

[MEDICINE] Attempt to heal the injury.

Narrator: As the wound closes, the cub begins testing his weight on the leg.

Yay! Mission accomplished! We're frenz. c:

And now he's in the camp and we can pet him whenever we want!

I hereby dub him Buddy and love him forever.

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle #holy shit that was a PROCESS #but what a cute friend we get out of it <3 #worth all the effort :D #and now i go to sleep #a couple pretty important scenes queued up for me to write about tomorrow though :O

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inabottlelikelightning · 5 months

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ok so this is super awkward and in no means pushy but did you get my ask? i’m just curious bc i can’t remember if my word vomit made its way into your inbox or if i ended up being too nervous to actually send it. if you got it then feel free to disregard this and respond or don’t respond i your own time <33 i’m just stupid and can’t remember what i did. if you didn’t get it and want word won’t about you only feel one emotion at a time, lmk and i’ll def be able to recreate it bc that fic is in my head spinning like a rotisserie chicken at all times. but yes apologies for this weird ask, have a lovely day <3

hello!!! yes i got your ask and it actually made me sooooo happy oh my god truly it warmed my heart so fucking much and i love uuu and i’m so glad yofoe resonated with you so much 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 i totally forgot to reply because yofoe asks make me a little nervous ever since i got out of teen wolf and since i feel so bad about it’s unplanned hiatus but thank u so much for all the love xx it means the world to me :)

#yofoe updates

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lightlycareless · 11 months

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chapter 32 finally here,,, im so late getting this ask in but this chap HAS been rolling around in my head,, getting chewed on ,,

we got SO much backstory in this one to work with and its SO cute too- like, not only does it work as such a good narrative contrast to the current relationship going on, what with eiichi and minako actually being able to have 1) respectful disagreements over taste 2) REAL playful banter that doesn't end up in some sort of argument or with horrifyingly thick tension 3) most importantly both people want to be there and see more of each other- its also just a very very sweet scene overall

AND it goes on to even show him properly standing up for her, supporting her career, sweet gift exchanges,,, n naoya is just cringing at the end of it. you FOOL. you should be taking NOTES rn

(also y/n met naoya first at the goodwill event,,, that has to have been mentioned before but i blanked on it till now. god. i hope we see that at some point i can only imagine)

y/n i think you SHOULD have just started crying in the store there after the story. just start sobbing. freak him out a little bit. he deserves it

naoya trying to ask genuine questions for once (at least i think he is!! just not,, really coming thru in the tone of voice but hes giving it a go) and just getting. almost entirely ignored. hes TRYING your honor- and what did he BUY?? what is in his pocket i know it cant be a whole record that would not FIT

this whole chapter and the last couple are SO funny bc y/n is (understandably) assuming he's being purposely malicious in ignoring/misunderstanding her and girlie,,, he's just that stupid actually. like he IS an asshole but also? very stupid. he is not getting the signals you are sending and when he does its like a funhouse mirror version his ass does NOT get it!!

"you like sweets?" "how do you know,,," "i figured after you ate a lot of cake at our wedding" "*oh my god,,, he's been watching me so closely,,, hes been stalking me*" GIRL,,, THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL BEHAVIOR HES DISPLAYED. the paranoia (again, understandably) is kicking our ASS rn okay this all makes sense actually rereading the next section like yes. it IS a nice fairly normal gesture of being attentive to what someone likes UNTIL its the last guy on earth you want being aware of you at all EXACTLY

the next few scenes REALLY make the contrast between their and y/n's parents relationship so dramatic bc like i was saying- the banter is just SO different because they do not actually trust each other here. that and its got a very different theme to it- the hiding it under the kimono comment would not have gone well with ANY woman i imagine. "meant it as nothing more than a joke, obviously" NOT OBVIOUSLY MY MAN

and of course,,, the final bit,,, handing the sweets over to naoaki instead,,,, i can not even IMAGINE how chp 33 is gonna start. hes just gonna straight up fall to his knees right there in anguish. pass out maybe. y/n and naoaki having a lighthearted little chat while naoya sobs and dies five feet away. i can't wait. incredible chapter once again

Hello!!

Aww, don't worry! If anything I should be apologizing for being a bit late to reply 😅 stuff happened, but I'm finally here hehe! And overall, I'm super happy this chapter was to your liking, since I love writing backstories... although I'm self conscious from time to time about it because it might be considered boring or irrelevant—and I get it, sometimes we just wanna know what's going on with the main plotline, but at the same time… I’ve been wanting to give certain characters more context. Especially Eiichi and Minako, who hold a special place in my heart. though I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again!! they’re PERFECT, OK?? They’re nothing but loving, caring, understanding and everything in between... and it's my favorite trope of all time!!! I eat that shit up every single time idc it never gets old for me!!!

Ahem.... anyways lol.

The scene that heavily resonated with me of all that occurred in this chapter has to be how Eiichi and Minako were beyond excited to have children... because comparing it to Y/N and Naoya... it's very sad.

If Y/N were to get pregnant somehow, his reaction would certainly be negative. However, there’s a catch with this specific topic which I’ll develop a bit more in the future hehe. But yeah, she's definitely not living her parent's story, not even close.

And same. I’m really disappointed in Naoya’s reaction too, but what did we expect… it’s not like he’s going to suddenly understand the value of this information 😭😭😭😭 Our emotionless little trash bag could never... Ugh, I would be ashamed to even cringe if someone shared me something so intimate… he could’ve at least been a bit more discreet about it 😭 didn’t he get some kind of training in how to behave in these types of situations??? Like from the elders or something??? Since he’s the heir, you know… ??? Guess not.

As for the goodwill event, I’ve only sprinkled mentions here and there :> I think the first one was when Y/N told she saw Naoaki’s technique (same as Naoya’s) in said event, which was coincidentally Naoya’s first event lol. I only remember this cause I recently re-read the chapter where it happens 😂 I’m starting to forget some things… oof. Anyways, Worry not, this moment will be in the story 😊

Omg imagine if she started crying?? I think Naoya would somehow manage to make the situation even worse 😂. Kind of those awkward pats in the back, tell her “if I buy you something will you stop crying?” like she was a child or something lmao—and y/n would definitely be like “Are you serious????”

Overall, Naoya needs to try harder. Waaaay harder. But more than that… he needs to be accountable for the things he’s done—Y/N is not reacting positively to him because he’s just out there acting as if nothing happened! Or if he somehow acknowledged that it did, he still feels like he's blaming her for it, like it's her fault for overreacting to his abuse, and then blaming his brother over it!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh Naoya needs to wake up, seriously!! I really don’t know what he needs to see or hear to finally understand he’s the problem 😭😭😭😭 And Ranta isn’t of much help either… but maybe he’s doing all that because he knows how he is hahah that he won’t react outside of essentially being compliant to him 😅 being Naoya’s “friend” must be a nightmare.

And with the whole Naoya being attentive to her is reminds me of this meme lol

Just something I noticed while drafting, I tend to use the same phrases when writing their dialogue—it’s kind of sick, isn’t it? I’m tormenting Y/N all ways possible LMAO. (this is actually something I’m very self-conscious about… please forgive me 😭 Also damn I wish I had a FC for Naoaki... I mean I do but I want to reveal that on the character profile hehe)

But yeah, being reminded of that is like... you're already freezing, and someone decides to throw you another bucket of ice. You're like damn???? was that necessary?? She certainly didn't need to be told that he's keeping a closer watch. (Ah... if only the circumstances had been different, I would've been like... oh, how sweet of him) YIKES.

Now that we’re talking about the differences between their relationship towards Eiichi and Minako, it made me wonder how she would take that comment if it had been them instead.

I think Minako would be either like "what are you babbling about?" at first. HOWEVER, if she’s feeling kind of frisky and we know she be like that with him lol, I think she’d say something instead like “There’s something else I’d like under my kimono” and Eiichi would just, yeah. short circuit. 9 months later, Hinata came to be. HAHAHAHAHAH

It’s all in the context really, some couples are more comfortable with certain topics, others are not and the only way to establish that is through communication—unfortunately, even though Naoya and Y/N may be married, they’re not a couple by any means 😭😂. So yeah, that was waaaay out of pocket. I would’ve slapped him if I didn't have to fear for my life immediately afterwards 😭😅😂

As for the next chapter... if he passes out by seeing Naoaki and Y/N… good. It’s what he deserves 😊 Although something else is going to happen that I think will certainly rattle him—oh, whoops. Spoilers. 🤪🤪 (I’m really excited for you to read that chapter jkahgjkajgkaj)

Anyways, thank you so much for coming back for another update!! I know I always tell you this, but I don't think I can ever, ever write down how truly grateful I am to have your support... 🥺❤️ I'm always looking forward to your comments, hehe, they're very motivating, inspiring, sometimes fun to read... overall, I greatly enjoy them—they've certainly made writing this fic more fun ❤️❤️❤️

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week, take care, and hope to see you soon!!!

#ask #ask series: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x your #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader

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jeanmoreaux · 2 years

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Friend, thank you for your kind replies regarding my grisha rants 😂 I wish to be like you, and calmly approach differences in reading between fellow readers. I agree with you completely that a lot of the time the entire reading experience is so subjective, depending on your own POV.

However! I am too villainous ψ(｀∇´)ψ! And this is another chest of worms to get into another day but, while I grew up reading YA, it has made me become an extremely picky reader because of the oceans of disappointment over the years and kind of growing up and seeing the flaws of it through a new lens that keeps changing as we grow older. And at some point I realized it’s because I can’t relate to most of them (and that’s ok!! I still enjoyed them) but when I did find books in my adulthood I connected with, it…was such a surreal experience

And I believe I definitely am very much older in age as it shows 😭 because just a last little chip, but the part where you mentioned being too harsh to the grisha trilogy when it helped establish these tropes and plot lines—I disagree :<

I have come across many stories/books/media that were repeating these same plot lines and character tropes long before it was published in 2012+. I do however, believe that it was one of the fantasy YA books that helped popularize these said tropes further to a new hype! (Kind of like how Twilight or 50 Shades acted as a type of rebirth/hype trigger in their respective genres)

In fact I do believe these overused/overfamiliar plot lines and stereotypes aren’t necessarily bad!! Its been around forever after all, it’s just a matter of how it gets changed up depending on how writers use them, how the story is being told

It’s more of how the author will utilize it in the long run, and how well the character development happens throughout the story, going deeper than the surface level we initially meet them at. Like how well peeling back the layers is (I’m terrible at doing this, I still cry when I peel onions 🧅)

And now this was again too long ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

Forgive me, it’s been a tough couple of years I haven’t been able to meet w friends to discuss books 📖

hahaha yeah i mean art and our experience with it is so subjective and in most instances i would never dare to invalidate someone's experience with a piece of media! i love to hear people's opinions on stories bc it's so interesting to me to see who resonates with what and what kind of things don't work for some people. i think hearing different opinions just broadens your own understanding of the different ways you can approach and look at media.

ofc you're absolutely right about the tropes/plot line thing!! these tropes and plot lines did exist well before the grishaverse! i think you said it much better than i did (and properly put into words what i meant)—it popularised these tropes/plot lines and kind of established them as *a thing* in the (back then relatively new or newly popularised) genre of YA fantasy.

and i also wholeheartedly agree with "overused" tropes/plot lines not having to be bad at all! i mean, they're wildly used and popular for a reason. there are so many different ways you can change up little things or add something to them—and sometimes even adhering to the well tested formula without changing anything can work for a story. it's really all about what a story *needs* to reach it's potential. and what the goal of the narrative actually is.

pls don't apologise for long-ish asks! i know how it feels. sometimes you just need to get it out of your system, especially when you didn't have time to talk about it a lot with others!

#hope your day is going great! <3 #always lovely to see you in my inbox #anon #answer

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cantalooprat · 2 years

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Golden Stage

What I Liked

has some incredibly iconic romantic lines mainly courtesy of yxh. ok. even tho i found the novel mostly lackluster. the romantic lines?? iconic. memorable enough that it makes me want to fall in love. like rly. i rly love these iconic romantic lines. this is the biggest pro tbh. the romantic lines have given me flutters like no other novel had.

the side story of the prince n fu tingxin was cute n its what every sideship that encountered a bad end deserves to get /crying /crying

What I Disliked

i couldn't rly follow the tl well, idk if it's bc of the tler, who did a good job but wrote things in a weirdly poetic confusing way or if it's just the author's writing style. like objectively it was written in a pretty way, but it didn't resonate w me, so i quite slogged through 80 ch, as opposed to devil venerable which i devoured in 2 days lmao

ok there was one scene that rly didnt sit well w me n left a bitter taste in my mouth as i read more sickeningly sweet moments between the leads. so in saving a village that was like poisoned, the leads saved a poisoned husband who was abt to be kille n his wife. the leads wanted to mercy kill the husband bc infectious poison n like ok thats logical BUT THEN they had the audacity to coldly tell the wife, "u r still young, u will fall in love again, take this money n go" after the wife expressed how she's been w the husband for basically her whole life. n that's like. idk. they didn't even show a shred of sympathy to such a devoted couple, n im supposed to buy that the main cp is super devoted to each other even tho they cant even like...see a shadow of themselves in this couple... it just rubbed me the wrong way so so much n i couldn't enjoy the rest of the novel as much.

the enemies to lovers part was kinda lmao, they were nvr rly enemies all along so i was like... ok...

Notes

i nearly forgot abt this wn n wasnt gna include it LMAO ok it turns out i didnt like it so much n i can admit that now. i just think these fast romances don't appeal to me much. after having a taste of one of the most highly acclaimed fast romance wn n ended up not being v convinced, i think it's just not for me. prob gna stick to slowburn danmei from now on.

i read this... 2nd? of all danmei? i think? i was baited by a yuhuang golden stage au that made the premise super interesting, but i think the fast romance pacing is just sth i cant buy.

Quotes

"There was somebody. I might not have been able to ever stand side-by-side with him, but I could still put him in my heart, watch him from a distance, and say a few things to him on occasion, and that’d be just as good." -Yan Xiaohan

"You are set up high within my heart, and no one can reach you." -Yan Xiaohan

"With one look at you, I could wait for no one else for the rest of my life. I would use any means at all." -Yan Xiaohan

#cantalooprat reads

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spidderboy · 2 years

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encanto is a great movie, great music and representation <3

#being diff #fit in #but what has bothered me is grown ppl on the internet thirsting over Camilo #a 15 y/o #and centering the whole message of the movie to queerness...#eliminating the whole point of the storyline and reducing it to something completely different...#its ok if you resonated to it bc of and not being able to but I hate the erasure of the actual message #shut up luisa

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by-kilian · 2 years

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(if this ask makes u uncomfortable in any way, feel free to ignore it, delete it, whatever u need to do. ur happiness matters more to me than anything else. however, i am specifically sending this not on anon, despite my incessant urge to do so as i barely ever send off anon, to give u the chance to reply to this privately if u want to. but that is if u want to! i don’t need, or want, anything from u. ur comfort outweighs any sort of recognition or interaction. i am also extremely unsure if this is gonna send properly bc i am on the tumblr app n the character limit seems to be nonexistent now? when did this happen HAHA…)

i went looking for u (scrolled thru the keyword of ur old user on tumblr, found an older ask that includes it) bc That App is talking abt That Story again. it always troubled me how things went down - i’ve experienced writers taking down their works before but never like that. orphaning works, sure. deleting ao3s, yep. but NEVER thru what u went thru. i don’t even generally go here (here being x readers), but That Story got pushed my way when the whole situation was in its hayday n i never properly paid attention to things until i caught wind of what u had to do. i had no idea it was that bad until maybe a week after the situation had been over n done with by ur actions. n i don’t blame u in the slighest. fandom culture is both extremely fun n extremely damaging - the fact u got the shortest end of the stick that i’ve ever seen is truly smth awful.

all of that aside, i am so extremely overjoyed to see ur still writing. truth be told, i hadn’t known of u before That Story, since again, my aversion to x readers. but ur writing is clearly smth special - n maybe this is extremely crude to say, i’m extremely sorry if it is - considering the way ppl acted over it. above it all, i am just happy to see that ur ok. everything is fine, as much as it can be. that fact alone leaves me content. i am SO glad u were able to push past it.

tldr, since i know this is a lot. i am so happy to see ur still kicking it, despite it all. content creation in any form is deeply personal if u put ur heart into it, n it seems like u do. i am so sorry for the way ppl treated u over That Story. i am doubly sorry if this made u feel upset in any way, shape, or form. that was not my intent, feel free to do whatever it is u need to do with this silly ask if this is the case. n maybe this is corny, but i hope more things fall in ur favor, instead of otherwise. have a nice day!

This is actually a really kind and considerate ask. I'll answer it under a cut since my response is pretty long though!

Firstly, I just want to say thank you for being thoughtful enough to consider my feelings in all of this. It's really kind of you and I'm not saying that just to say it. ❤️

Secondly, yeah. It all was a bit of a hell fire. While I wish it never happened, it obviously did but I'm happier now than I was then. Even before ThatStory blew up, my old writing blog was getting out of control and people were feeling super entitled to me, my works, what I did, and who/what I wrote about so in a way, I'm not surprised it headed that way although I never expected it to go THAT way lol. And yes, it was pretty bad but luckily it is done and over with. Fandom culture can be super fun and that's initially what it was for me--just fun before it unfortunately tipped over to the other extreme side of fandom which is toxic. It is what it is.

But to touch on your main point, thank you and it's not crude at all. I don't see your comment that way. In a way, I've come to think of it as much as well (that it must have resonated with people in some weird way) but not just with that particular story but other stories, too so it is really sweet that someone who doesn't read these kinds of stories thinks that of them as well. It also means a lot to me that someone cared enough to think about how I was doing after all this because that really hasn't been the case apart from loyal readers. Most ppl never think about me in this situation 😂 which is probably why what happened, happened. So thank you for the kind words. I'm fine. Like I said, happier now than I was in my previous blog. I've come to think that it's all meant to be. I get a lot more freedom here, I have the sweetest, most loyal readers, and no one feels entitled to my works, my time, or what I do.

Also you didn't upset me at all. While it's admittedly irritating to see people still talking about that shit a literal year and three months or so later, that has nothing to do with you so no worries. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to check up on me, and thank you for being so kind. Content creation is super personal and I do put my heart into it, so it means a lot to me that you see that 🥺! Truly.

I'm touched that there are still kind, good, decent people out there because for you to take the time to look for me and send me something lovely truly means a lot, especially considering you weren't necessarily a reader of mine--just clearly a kind, thoughtful human being. I can't express how much I appreciate it. Honestly. Thank you so so much for the lovely sentiments, and I hope all is well for you in the future as well. ❤️❤️❤️

#asks

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vermillioncrown · 2 years

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I saw a post about asexual!Wangxian headcanons and I adore it?? Like I’ve never needed to be validated about my asexuality but it’s nice that people in the fandom (which has explicit sexual scenes in the novel) have these kinda thoughts about the main characters. I guess I don’t need to be validated but it feels great when I am. Like the thought that Wei Wuxian isn’t sexually attracted to anyone (including Lan Wangji) but still enjoys the sex with his husband and has romantic attraction? I love it. Lan Wangji being graysexual? I can totally see it and love that too. It’s nice being able to see parts of yourself in beloved characters I guess. Also the whole “everyday means everyday” not being JUST about sex, but about loving your partner everyday for the rest of your life? I’d like to sincerely thank people making those headcanons.

i'm happy those headcanons make you feel like so, but you're prob telling me this bc 1) i make it no secret that i'm demi and this is in solidarity and 2) soliciting my opinion

so here's my opinion (after giving this a long, hard think) bc something about this was itching at me in the wrong way.

i've answered an ace/demi jc ask before, and that's basically how i feel about any 'resonant' headcanon on sexuality.

after a decent length's journey through fandom, life, and my own sexuality (that is still ongoing because i'm not dead yet), my current conclusion is that "I don't need fandom to validate my asexuality, and i am ambivalent to others doing it for me". if there's a well-written, non-hateful, compelling work that sells it one way, great! if there's one that goes the complete opposite way, sure! that is the true litmus test, bc otherwise it just feels like a bunch of caricatures/stereotypes being cobbled together.

(i agree there is a bunch of SEX in the fandom. it is a bit refreshing to read something different, along the same personal wavelength)

(a fave is this... uh, incomplete ABO fic where both wwx and lwj are betas that have to wrangle all the hormone-addled disciples around them. it's hilarious, it's amazing, it somehow works)

(i'm not digging to link it, too lazy)

the thing i'm not overly fond of is the assignation of labels to these characters, esp to characters in the context of the canon setting (with its historical/cultural whatevers words words i'm tired) these labels mean nothing. esp w a fandom that has such a big culture clash between fans of different origins, any headcanon is just... idk it begs careful assessment that it's not an inappropriate imposition of a viewpoint that disregards the origin of the work. and that's not getting into how complicated sexuality and its expression can be, how it can be expressed in its given environment dictating what observers would label it as, and the fact that it's a novel.

idk characters i love don't have to be for me nor represent me. bc if i get annoyed enough that's when i write my own way.

and us being on the ace spectrum doesn't preclude us from homophobia, you know? sometimes people are loud and proud and have tons of sex and want all of that, and that's perfectly ok too. <- a lot of my thoughts on this growing up had to be detangled from "is this learned, unconscious homophobia, or am i rightfully being bothered?"

y'know, like the forever struggle of "is this internalized misogyny or is this woman actually terrible?"

anyways, i rambled on and on, lost the plot

tldr: i don't engage in other people's headcanons unless presented in fanfic format, fictional people written by hobbyists aren't a stand-in for validating any part of my identity, sexuality is not permanent and ever-changing and is a personal thing that cannot be assigned by others.

#opinionated verm #inquiry #Anonymous #yes labeling can give you a sense of community of people just like you #but we must remember that we share spaces and overlap #that we might accidentally invalidate other people #and that not everything has a concrete definition across cultures #went through this w my y!!!oi fic bc i got a fair share of commenters asking if my demi! coded yuuri was going to have an aha! moment #like that label of demisexuality is very western in origin #and for a japanese-raised athlete (even tho he went to school in the US) that wouldn't be the first thing he reaches for #y'know? idk i don't mean to be a bitter grandpa but i'm at a point in life where everything is 'it depends' for an answer #anon i'm sure you didn't ask this with bad intentions #you just didn't know what rabbit hole you were going to trip into that is my opinionated self

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candiliam328 · 3 years

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What’s your favorite thing about Five? :)

Ok anon, I've kept you waiting for long enough.

There's lots of reasons I vibe with Five. We could be here all night going over all the reasons he resonates with me, but if I had to choose one favorite thing about him, I would say his tenacity.

The man downright refuses to give up. Some may call it stubbornness, I think it's incredibly admirable. The ability to keep going and pursue a goal even after everyone says you can't. The audacity to bet against all odds and refuse to take "no" for an answer. The willingness to work hard and sacrifice anything to achieve his goal.

Can I be honest with you, anon? Five Hargreeves is an impossible character. And by that I mean, the things he does should be impossible and that we probably should hate him. I have to credit the show and the writing tho because if there's one thing this show has done well for Five's character is that they show the effort. Things for Five don't look easy or feel easy. He's impressive, sure. Maybe even on the verge of being OP. But he works for it. He struggles. And the show takes its time to clearly send that message to us.

The most obvious is of course his powers. Someone pointed out that Five looks like he tenses every time he uses his powers. Of all the children, his powers appear the most technical, requiring thought and "equations" to work accurately. (I would love to see what his personal training was like bc in the show we already see him accurately jumping from place to place. I can only imagine him slamming his body into walls and such before being able to target accurately.) And yet, even with all that training, his powers fail him periodically and we see that on screen. We see his frustration. He grimaces as he clenches his fists and mutters angrily to himself. Yet, in that same moment, he is immediately thinking of the next step. He's resourceful. He's smart. He's not just gonna go down easy. (There's something to be said here about how Five is the only charater whose on-screen issue with his powers are that they fail him/disappear, while the issue for other characters tends to be lack of control.)

There's more subtle examples of this as well. In season one, he was endlessly writing equations, giving us physical evidence that he was spending a considerable amount of time to solve his problems. Every so often, they'll bring up the fact he grew up alone in the Apocalypse. In season one, he carries around Delores - a physical reminder of this. Throughout the entire course of the series, we see him struggle to communicate and connect with his family. There's constant misunderstandings and they're very rarely on the same page. At nearly every opportunity, the show reminds us that Five struggles and it feels like everything is working against him in particular and yet it keeps him in the position of plot-driver. Because he will keep pushing on. No matter what.

Sorry, I went on this whole journey anon, but tldr: My favorite thing about Five is his tenacity. The show does not shy away from showing how much effort he puts into things. The characters on the screen may seem blind to his struggles, but we as viewers are not. And that makes us root for him even more.

#whoops sorry this got real long #idk at what point it went from 'my favorite thing about Five' to 'let's analyze why this makes Five a sympathetic character'#but here ya go #sorry it took so long anon!#i appreciate the ask 🥰#tua #asks #anon #my ramblings #number five #five hargreeves

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ladyloveandjustice · 4 years

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Winter 2020 Anime Overview: Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun

Ok, so let’s get this out of the way first, 1. I adore this story so much and 2. Toilet Bound Hanako-kun has a horrible, horrible English title that is not actually at all representative of the story’s content and I have no idea what happened when it came to the team choosing that name. To the average English-speaking viewer/reader, this name 100% implies gross stuff and bathroom humor, and there is none in this show.

A Japanese reader on the other hand, would be more likely to recognize the name Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun as a spin on the classic ghost story “Hanako-san of the Toilet” only A BOY THIS TIME WHHHHA?” Basically, the story goes that a girl named Hanako in a red skirt haunts girls’ bathrooms in Japanese schools and if you knock on the third stall and call “Hanako-san” three times, she’ll appear. She might grant you a wish or pull you into Hell or something else, it varies.

(Her Wikipedia image, aww.)

Anyway, I dunno why the English title didn’t at least go with “Toilet Ghost Hanako-kun” or something that would have gotten the premise across even a little better (HE NOT TECHNICALLY BOUND BY THE TOILET EVEN, HE CAN GO ANYWHERE IN THE SCHOOL GROUNDS THE BATHROOM IS JUST HIS HOME BASE), but our boy Hanako haunting the girl’s bathroom only leads to broad jokes about our heroine being tasked with cleaning the bathroom and “dude you really shouldn’t be in here” comments, it’s pretty incidental.

Now that THAT’S out of the way, let’s talk about my LOVE FOR THIS STORY

Hanako-kun tells the story of a “regular” high school girl named Nene Yashiro, the mischievous and mysterious school ghost she befriends, and all the other weird monsters, exorcists, spirits and curses they encounter. It’s got a gorgeous, colorful bold aesthetic and art style that combines gothic and cute! It has a great mix of humor, intrigue, angst and fantasy action. basically if you love ghosts, monsters, Japanese mythology and legends, supernatural-human relationships, supernaturally fueled angst and drama, stories about trying to fix an unfair system the world has set up, wistful romance, a good shoujo manga with a Lot of Feelings (yes this is a shonen technically I’ll explain that later), weirdo dorks becoming friends AND MUCH MORE...this story will have something that will resonate with you. It’s got a lot going on, and it’s a ton of fun.

Hanako-kun is really one of those surprising stories that fits right into a hole in my story-loving heart I didn’t realize was still there, or that I’d actually been carrying since childhood. I love ghosts, see, and have since I was a kid!!! I knew this, but I kinda forgot how intensely I love them until this show reminded me again??? That’s because regular ghost stories/mysteries/whatever- I like them, but they don’t quite do it for me in the way more character-driven ones exploring the nature of being a ghost and humans and ghosts trying understand each other etc do. Stuff that really gets into the tragedy AND the fun fantasy aspect of ghosts, and plays the long game with it- and Hanako-kun scratches that itch perfectly.

Getting a little bit deeper into the premise of Hanako-kun, Nene is a very brave and sweet but not-all-that-bright girl (or, to put it more bluntly, she’s an idiot in the best way) who has a lot of romantic fantasies and insecurities and is VERY focused on them. After hearing a rumor at school that “Hanako-san of the bathroom” will grant wishes, she wishes to be able to confess to her crush and finds out its actually a weird ghost boy her age named Hanako haunting the bathroom! A lot of things happen, and she ends up cursed and bound to Hanako-kun, but also ends up slowly forming a friendship.

Turns out Hanako is the ghost in charge of the “seven mysteries/wonders” aka seven powerful supernatural entities that haunt this school (he’s number seven). These apparitions only supposed to terrorize students a LITTLE, because apparitions need to have rumors spread about them to remain in the human world.

(‘HAVE YOU HEARD?’ Oh hey shadow girls from Utena see you’ve moved to a new school.)

The rumors also generally dictate how powerful and dangerous the apparitions actually are- but SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS is changing the rumors around the school and making the apparitions go berserk and actually harm humans. So Hanako needs a human assistant to change the rumors and help him calm and seal the apparitions! That’s where Nene comes in.

Hanako himself is a very fun character- he’s very chaotic and revels in his whole “ gremlin ghost” persona, and is upfront about being a bit of an asshole. BUT he also makes his kindness, often good intentions and the fact he’ll have his friends back when it counts obvious from the beginning. B U T! He’s also got darkness and hidden depths to explore, and a lot of his persona is affected and masks deeper issues!

Our ghost boy is genuinely A TAD unstable deep down (as in he straight up has several untreated PTSD symptoms and that’s as disastrous as you’d expect) and packing some serious tragic backstory, as you might expect from a kid who died young and carries around a butcher’s knife, and it’s gonna come back to bite him and and all who care about him hard.

Especially when an overly enthusiastic exorcist named Kou Minamoto shows up! Kou is another one who’s very dumb and very good, a wannabe-shonen-protag with a heart of gold and strong sensitive, domestic side. He rounds out our main trio. Also he gets a tragic, emotionally intense relationship with yet another ghost boy that sings to my heart.

(Yes Hanako’s helping Nene to do the thing)

You may be able to tell, this story has INTENSE good-shoujo vibes despite technically being a shonen in a way that I love- it’s story very driven by big emotions, a variety of fucked up and tragically complex relationships, teen hormones running wild, etc, and it’s just delicious.

Nene is the normal-person-audience-surrogate-girl in a way that is more common for a shoujo protag, and the way her emotional connections to everyone, her sweeping romantic fantasies and her interiority are consistently in focus when she’s there- yeah, she’s definitely a plucky shoujo protag, 100%. And I’m all about that!!!

One thing I especially appreciate (though this comes across more strongly in the manga than the anime thanks to the anime rearranging things) is when Nene finds out about Hanako’s Heavy Baggage, she actually takes some time to herself to consider whether she can handle dealing with someone with these intense issues as a kid who’s never encountered stuff like this before- it’s not assumed by the story that the Sweet Girl is Obligated to help the Tragic Boy. I go into more detail about this part in this part here, but it’s that kind of attention to Nene’s needs that makes her role in the story work. Hanako and Nene and everyone’s struggles to get the hang of and properly navigate honest communication and mutual support in relationships are often really great and real-feeling

The story has a lot more things I love packed in to it- a dorky-but-still-deeply-unsettling villain gang who’s screwed up interactions are just as fun as our protagonists, yokai, A CURSED LIBRARY, some great ladies in addition to Nene, meditations on the nature of life, death, themes about fighting nihilism, and so on...I could seriously go on forever. It’s good stuff, and there’s lots of good weird supernaturals to meet.

The story’s also got tons of intrigue! The overarching plot and Hanako’s Mysterious Past is still in the process of unfolding, but it’s been great drama every step of the way! As mentioned before, the story also really relies on funny character dynamics, interaction and development to carry the whole thing and balance the drama.

The anime itself does have some pacing issues bc they crammed a lot into the first season and rearranged some stuff- an entire two chapter arc was skipped and was unlikely to be covered in the anime and some parts are noticeably rushed. I still really like the anime and it’s a solid adaptation. I love how much of the manga’s detailed aesthetic it managed to keep as well as the amazing voice acting and it made a few small but important additions. But there are some notable bumps- of course this just led me to go binge the manga (up to volume 12 is legally available digitally) and BOY DO I NOW LOVE THIS STORY EVEN MORE.

Now obviously, just because it is Exactly My Shit in a lot of ways doesn’t mean Hanako-kun is the much quested for “unproblematic fave”, there’s several caveats you should probs be aware of- its shoujo vibes also mean some classic shoujo ~Problematic tropes~ and a couple shounen ones.

THE LIST:

-Just as a general content overview thing: if this wasn’t clear the show deals heavily with death, body horror and other horror aspects. There’s heavily implied suicide and abuse and so on- as mentioned, the main character is traumatized and shows a lot of symptoms of PTSD, and Nene has to struggle to navigate her relationship with him because of this, as does Kou.

-Hanako himself has the whole ~loveable pervert~ and ~slightly possessive shoujo bad boy~ schtick going as part of his mischevious persona. In the anime so far, he never actually gropes or comments on not-in-his-naughty-mags-people’s breasts or anything of that level thankfully, but he’s very flirty, clingy, will loudly bring up porn, fond of the ol’ *says something that purposefully sounds sexually possessive* HAHAHA U THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING DIRTY RIGHT LOL ACTUALLY I DIDN’T.”

(My unnecessary ‘this part is kinda interesting!’ ramble: Nene always lists “sexual harassment” among Hanako’s flaws (she loves listing them), but doesn’t get visibly uncomfortable with his flirtiness or seem to mind it most times, which at least makes the whole thing more tolerable for me.

(since she doesn’t seem to mind that part and its clear he does it bc of actual affection for her, it’s actually p. cute how huggy he is.)

The one time it does cross the line and genuinely upset her, it’s treated seriously, Hanako is genuinely regretful and apologizes. That’s one of my fave moments in the story and the way it’s handled is well done.

This incident that he’s honestly pretty socially clueless as kid who died young and a lot of his bravado is to cover that up and keep people at a distance- this is a trope into itself that can use unpacking but I do at least appreciate that this is a considered character trait that’s part of his whole messed up package rather than something that thrown in there Just to Be a Fanservice Trope. (Especially since the manga confirms he never acted particularly pervy while alive, further cementing this is an affected persona).

-There’s a running gag around Nene’s insecurity over her thick ‘daikon shaped’ ankles and boys treating her badly for it.

One one hand, her body image issues are relatable, on the other, it feels cruel and annoying just how much the show finds ways to bring it up and humiliate her over and over again.

(My unnecessary “this is part is kinda interesting” ramble:The one thing i did realize that despite bringing it up constantly, we at least have no “i’m going to do this to lose weight” or “go on a diet” rhetoric,like this is just part of Nene’s body type and she knows she can’t change it? Which is kinda interesting. And I’ve spotted what might be foreshadowing something plot relevant’s going to happen with her ankles (I DON’T KNOW HOW, BUT GOD I PUT NOTHING PAST THIS STORY) so uh yeah??? either way it’s not good tho)

-”Obsessive and twisted love” is a running theme in this story, and while it’s generally acknowledged as unhealthy, it can be played for comedy in a way that could make viewers/readers uncomfortable. There’s a couple characters who’s entire thing so far is “obsessively in love with this one person” (and the one only focused on in the manga so far is one of the least interesting characters tbh ugh)

-The antagonist of the show is a member of a main character’s family, and the manner he acts towards pretty much everyone, including (and really especially) his family member, verges on seductive. This is presented as deliberately unsettling and treated as a marker of how unstable and scary he is- and though the backstory between them hasn’t been fully delved into, it’s pretty much all but confirmed he abused this family member physically and emotionally.

-The story has like, A LOT of queer subtext and pretty-heavy queer coding for one character especially, but the few times queerness blatantly comes up in the story, it’s played as a joke in the “haha that’d be kinda weird” way (aside from the rando boys who have a crush on Teru, handled pretty neutrally). It’s not as malicious as a lot of animanga can get (ONE MANGA INCIDENT ASIDE), but it’s something to Be Aware Of, and it makes it clear we’re unlikely to see subtext rise to text and makes some moments feel baity.

-And probably more I might have missed! The manga also has Some Shit in addition all the Good Shit that hasn’t been adapted yet, an early arc has Hanako crossing a serious line etc.

BUT despite how messy it is, I think it’s clear I have a lot of love for this story. In fact, I wouldn’t trade away a good chunk of its messiness (DEFINITELY SOME JUST NOT ALL), it kinda works for the characters and works in the “this story really feed my inner teen” way. Some of the trashy parts are exactly My Trash, basically.

So, I knew I’d ramble on for a while when I talked about his show, but if you’ve read this far, thanks, and I hope that means you’re gonna check out and maybe enjoy this story, bc i need more people to join me in Hanako Hell.

#toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #jibaku shonen hanako kun #winter 2020 anime #anime overview #hanako kun #nene yashiro #yashiro nene #kou minamoto #minamoto kou #yugi amane #amane yugi #my reviews

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bestworstcase · 3 years

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hey could i just ask you abt your thoughts on cass and whether she and rapunzel were lowkey queerplatonic in tts? bc a lot of their relationship in s1/early s2 maybe can be read as crushes but at the same time i get the feeling they'd maybe stumbled into a qpr w/o either of them fully being able to process what that is, so they're still calling each other best friends when they're. not really?

ok i need to preface this by saying 1) im aro, and 2) i dont engage with the aromantic community at all because 3) i find this specific concept to be very alienating, so my personal feelings here are a bit negative.

but that being said if you’re someone for whom the qp terminology resonates and you see that personal experience reflected in cass and rapunzel’s relationship i think it’s a fair reading of the text? the overt canon is that they love each other but there’s a lot of room to interpret precisely what the shape of that love is. like def please don’t take this as me going ‘you are WRONG’ bc it’s not.

further elaboration on my thoughts under the cut. the tldr here is i don’t…personally use qp terminology for reasons™️, and my feelings about ‘qpr cassunzel’ align roughly with my feelings about ‘requited romantic cassunzel’ ie i’m not keen / my read on them tilts hard toward cass having unrequited romantic feelings.

re: qp terminology in general, i can kinda conceptualize romantic feelings as ‘friend + sexual desire;’ but i was loosely active in the aro community back when qp terminology was coined and i still don’t know what the distinction…is, particularly outside the context of a committed platonic partnership. it’s ‘friendship + ??’

so i disengaged from the aro community when qp terminology got popular, bc it sort of… defeated the purpose for me. like i can’t even distinguish the subjective feeling of ‘romance’ from that of ‘friendship’ and suddenly the broader comm was pushing this concept of a new subjective feeling distinct from both romance and friendship and somehow even more arcane and incomprehensible in what the difference is supposed to be 🙃

meaning, also, i’ve never and probably will never go ‘i think these characters have qp feelings for each other.’ it’s just a subjective experience so alien to my own that i genuinely cannot wrap my head around what on earth it entails gkvjvhd

but also. assorted thoughts:

1 - i may be out of date here vis a vis how qp terminology is used *now* (see previous re: i disengaged due to its popularization) BUT a qpr as it was defined when it was first coined is, regardless of the subjective feelings being felt or the reasons for using that label vs dating vs platonic partnership, a committed partnership and like. cassandra and rapunzel are emphatically not in a committed partnership. i am firmly in the camp of you cannot have a committed partnership by accident; you can’t accidentally date someone; you can’t accidentally have a qpr with them. (if i had a friend come to me and go ‘i feel like we are dating/life partners/qpps’ i would drop that whole relationship so fast their head would spin. it’s a big transgression of boundaries. i feel very strongly about this.)

2 - i read cassandra’s feelings for rapunzel in s1 and early s2 as explicitly romantic (she absolutely wants to kiss rapunzel there is not a single doubt in my mind), and then getting slowly warped into this…mingled resentment/servile devotion as the friendship grew more and more toxic for her. and i read rapunzel’s feelings as platonic with an intensity that she might, were she less sheltered and were she not already dating eugene, experience as a ‘crush.’

3 - i also kind of read rapunzel as not being an especially sexual person. (not ace, because i think a lot of it comes from being young and very sheltered and just not really ready for intimacy beyond the very chaste expressions of physical affection with eugene that we see in the show.) which is what makes the platonic/romantic divide so wibbly in my reading of her feelings vis a vis cass, because like i said, the way i distinguish romance from friendship is it’s ‘friendship + sexual desire’ and i don’t read rapunzel as having anything but very fleeting or weak sexual desire for anyone at this point in her life, including eugene. but at the same time rapunzel is someone who feels affection very deeply and intensely and she clearly adores romance as a concept so… i take it as a given that she does get the, like, tropey ‘butterflies in stomach’ crush-style feelings regardless.

4 - when it comes to post-series i’m ambivalent for the same reasons i’m ambivalent about requited cassunzel, namely a] it wasn’t a healthy friendship for cass, b] i’m not a fan of the ot3 in any configuration, and c] the options for post-canon cassunzel essentially boil down to “cass comes back to settle down in corona because it’s her ✨home✨” (which i don’t care for) or “cass has a long-term long distance relationship with rapunzel, who is married” (which i hate) or “rapunzel abdicates, dumps eugene, and goes off to adventure with cass” (which is okay but also doesn’t feel like something rapunzel would do imo).

#…yeah

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ofphcenixes · 5 years

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THE PHOENIX || BLUE HAWTHORNE.

ok i won’t lie i stole this intro from veritas 2 kdJKDGF BUT ! if you want to get to know this guy definitely hit the readmore below *shaky eye emoji*. also hi i’m lilac i’m an admin and also a sims enthusiast anyways, back onto what’s important here, this lil bean called red blue !

personality

THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO BLUE FACTS. PLEASE TEXT ‘STOPBLUE’ TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION.

but if you have seen blue’s blog sidebar and title, i feel like you will gather a LOT about his personality lmfao

he is playful, jocular, and honestly? immature

always looking for the childhood he never got to have, y’know?

he is secretly very insecure and always has a need to please. if someone doesn’t like him, he’ll tear himself apart to figure out why.

he’s always telling jokes and always laughing. he’s known for his Memes and is always a good time to be around… if you know what i mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

but also Anti-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) because ya boi has commitment issues so high they’re past the inevitable spaghetti monster that’s probably floating out there in space

he can also be very maternal when the need arises. he is not good at talking about emotions but he’ll give you a meme or a plate of cookies to Heal You

honestly? the human embodiment of a puppy. cannot be alone for very long, has a short attention span, and craves validation lmfao. give him a squeaky toy and he will be Contented

as a footballer he can be Tough on field when he needs to be but he’s also v sensitive and talks to birds he passes on his morning runs like he’s a disney princess djkgfdk

he struggles academically as he has a short attention span most of the time and thinks too little of himself. however, he’s a lot brighter than most people give him credit for. he’s incredibly creative and a lateral thinker. maths makes him want to die, tho.

also what’s money? blue does not know

to many, blue’s known as the troubled kid who turned his life around. to others, he’s known as the local Meme Dealer. but to a lucky few, he’s known as a friend who would do anything for you.

most just know him as the moron named after a colour tho. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

history. (trigger warning: illness, death, drugs, depression)

WHO’S READY FOR SOME CHROMATIC CONTENT

blue hawthorne, who never goes by his birthname bc he hates it dfkjgdgdf ( what is his birthname ? he’ll never tell ┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘ ) was born right here in ashmont.

despite not having a lot - he grew up with just him and his mum ( his father left before he was born, never knew a thing about him ), in a tiny trailer park on the outskirts of town. a far cry from the opulent manors peppered all throughout town, and the very lifestyle blue’s mother was accustomed to as a child. however, the pair were content as long as they were together.

despite not having much, blue loved every second of his childhood. he wore his mischief like a crown, smiling wherever he went. he’d always resonated with a love of music and dance, and like his mother before him, danced. ballet was his passion growing up, and started as young as 5.

as a child blue was often teased for this, and the fact that he was so close with his mother. he was also very outspoken and strong-willed, and never let his peers get the best of him. he danced, he laughed, he bruised his knees at any given opportunity. what he lacked in possessions he gained in the abundance of joy he felt in his heart growing up. his mother and a few of his close friends were his world.

when blue turned ten, everything changed.

the jubilant, mischievous, but altogether kind-hearted boy was given the heart-breaking news that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. margarette hawthorne, much like her son, was a fighter - and didn’t let such a diagnosis keep her down. despite their dwindling lack of funds now going towards medical bills, and the fact blue began sacrificing his own childhood as he took to the role of a caretaker of sorts for his mother, he never took his time with her for granted.

things were okay for a while. there was a point where the doctors were convinced that she was going to make it. blue was a fool. blue believed them.

at the age of thirteen, blue lost everything. he lost his place to live, he lost his childhood and lust for life, and he lost the person he loved most in the world. he lost his best friend.

it wasn’t long before the overbearing sympathy from those around him soured blue. he was sick of being bullied, people not liking him, and altogether not being in control. so what did this boy do ? he quit ballet (the thing he’d loved since he was able to stand), he started drinking, he got involved in a very bad crowd and became a frequenter of the local ashmont police station. blue became a certified Bad Boy™

blue was sent to live with the grandparents that despised him and never acknowledged his existence before that moment. righteous and conservative in their views, they had cast aside their daughter when she had blue out of wedlock, and only reached out to her in her final months. for this reason, blue despised these people (he refused to call them family). he tried his best to be appreciative of a house and food ( which was much better than anything he had growing up ). but he was cold. always cold.

as a teenager, blue fell into a rapid succession of bad decisions. still small, still frail in stature, he found himself at a dissonance with his image and began growing insecure about his looks, the years of torment weighing on him. he found anesthetic in the party scene outside of school, taking to alcohol and drugs as a sedative from the life he felt forced to lead. his grandparents were pigeon-holing him into a preppy, studious boy who’d go on to be a banker or a lawyer, when all blue had wanted to do was be himself. he couldn’t decide if he hated himself or he hated the world more.

at the age of 16, his rap sheet seemed to grow with each rising of the sun. he’d fallen in with a bad crowd, hardly ever heading ‘home’ and couch surfed. at the age of 16 he’d gotten his own car and lived more out of that than the stuffy house on top of the hill where he was supposed to stay. his grades were sinking towards the bottom of the barrel, he was always looking for validation from the bad kids he hung around with and made some very poor decisions in the hopes he’d be liked. in the hopes he’d find a new family.

the partying, the stream of hook ups, his criminal record (mainly with traffic offences, a few write ups for public intoxication and fighting), sobriety, the instability of his living situation and his future all came to boil just before he turned 17. physically he’d started to fill out, and look more like the man people know today. he was no longer frail and no longer weak, and when asked, he used to his fists to forge that path he thought he wanted.

after a dark night, it became apparent to blue that his path of self destruction was hurting no one but himself. whether by choice or by accident, he knew he wasn’t ready to see his mother again. so… he’d hit rock bottom with a spectacular thud. but blue knew the only way to go from there was up.

through nothing short than a McMiracle (sponsored by Ronald McDonald, bc no one else is rich enough to pull it off lmfao) blue managed to scrape by and complete high school.

blue had no doubt his family name (that of his grandparents) helped him secure an athletic scholarship to st etienne. in his year of transformation from 17 to 18 his grandmother had softened to the boy she’d always hated and was riddled with guilt for the years of mistreatment, and promised to pay for his education (that wasn’t covered by his scholarship) as long as he promised to make something of himself. his first year of college, things really started looking up for blue. he was finally back on track.

then woops, grim came a-knocking again

bidding farewell to the grandmother he was only beginning to know, his grandfather had no reason to extend her kindnesses, and cut blue off. at the age of 18 he was homeless, with nothing but a car and a handful of pokemon cards he’d had as a kid. not worth anything or even particularly sentimental, he just likes pokemond kgfjfd.

living in his car for a while before eventually crashing with a close friend, blue managed to absorb his days in study and in work. he quickly found his passion in helping kids, and giving them the childhoods that he never got. going into teaching seemed like a no-brainer.

although blue’s wild days are behind him, there are some things locked in his past that still haunt him. there are doors he never hopes to open again. but he got his fresh start, and is determined to live the life a young blue would have wanted for him, and one his mother could be proud of.

then the grim reaper came back a third time, his scythe begging for daisey rutherford.

the investigation.

blue’s connection to daisey is that they danced in ballet classes together… as you can imagine, daisey had to put on her Evil Training Wheels somewhere and unfortunately, blue was one of her earliest victims. teased constantly for his appearance, his love of ballet, his lack of wealth, and on awful days, his single parent household.

for the most part blue had grown resilient in ignoring these comments. but he never forgot how daisey mistreated him, and sparked a wave of similar comments from people in their year when they were only children.

hey now im not gonna rEVEAL (bc what if he is ??? :o ) anything relating to the crime if he was the murderer, but know he is Lorge and Strong and could probably push daisey over with his finger lmfao

it’s also worth noting that one of daisey’s parents, a beloved surgeon, treated blue’s mother whilst she was in hospital with cancer. the late detection of its return is what caused her death, and blue has been vocal in his blame in the rutherford family for the loss of the person closest to him ever since.

now i’m not saying blue did anything… but if he did, his ‘eye for an eye’ motive ? maybe not as crazy as you may think. especially when you consider your boi already has a criminal record. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

plots.

atm i am still working on blue’s blob and getting his stats/connections page up BUT !! here are a few fun lil plots beyond his skeleton connections that i’d absolutely love to explore. also here’s his current connections page for further ideas !

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS - blue grew up in ashmont, and didn’t have a lot of friends kfgjfd. if your muse would have been down for a Young Memey Mess that’s fond of a pirouette, blue is your Man. on the flip side, if your muse is one of the Cool Kids and is looking for potential animosity, i’d love someone who tried to squash blue like a bug in their youth (~:

FLIRTATIONSHIP - blue is currently in a (hidden) relationship, and for the first time in his life, gasp, might have feelings. but he’s a fucking walnut and refuses to admit that, so a plot of someone with an unrequited crush, a fun flirtationship, or even someone that just wants to be his wingman would not only be fun, but also incredibly painful - which is what we deserve. 8) (also note, blue is bisexual so any muse would work. <3)

COWORKERS - blue works as a trainer at the ashmont fitness centre ( …. dont @ maaria for the page not being done fgjdgkdf WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF UPDATING THE PAGES NOW KDFJGDKFJ). but i’d always be down for plots in the workplace !!

UBER - sorry for the lame ass name lmao but dkjfgfkd blue is not about the party scene anymore ( lowkey bc he’s afraid to get addicted again and throw away everything he’s worked so hard for). but he does care a lot about people, and a pal of his is v much still hooked to that lifestyle and he very dkfgjdf determinedly drives them home every time to ensure they’re safe. could be former party friends, could be current friends in some capacity. maybe there was an incident in their past that blue feels guilt over ( a fight perhaps, trigger warning - maybe an overdose?) and so now he looks after them. or even just having a sibling-like bond, which (as blue is an only child) i’d also love something like that!

STUDY BUDDY - blue is a moron and needs someone to help him not fail kdfjgdf. he may not be naturally adept at getting good grades, but unlike many, he’s trying his absolute hardest. in return, he’s more than happy to be your Meme Dealer. bonus points if it’s unlikely friends, or if they didn’t exactly get along at first. :D

FELLOW FOOTBALLERS - 2 bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart bc they’re not gay. dkjgdgdf but for REAL. exploring the team dynamic of the football team would be so fun, especially with blue’s reputation and the fact he only started taking up the sport when he was about 15-16, which may be a lot later than other guys in the team.

RIVALS - god they’re probably rivals about memes and i hate that but that’s just what it is :/

ok i have nothing else to say other than thank you for being a sweetheart and reading through this ??? i know it was a McMess but, if you’d like to plot with said mcmess definitely hit me up - or wait it out a lil bc i plan to do some starter stuff and plotting later today. (~: love you all, and viva la daisey !

#veritasintro #IDK WHAT THIS IS IM SORRY DJKFGDF

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localrobosexual · 5 years

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hewwo my fwiends it's currently real Loving Seaside Hours™ again as spurred by talking to a blessed pal of mine earlier today about our comfort characters, so as I'm tryina ride out this thunderstorm going on outside so I can actually go to sleep I'm just gonna take a moment and gush about this robot and how and why he means so much to me, that alright w y'all lmao

putting a breaker on this bc I already know it's gonna get long and ramble-y lmao. Not gonna mind if u skip this over and don't bother reading it, I just wanna kinda shout into the void about my ocs a bit, don't mind me!

HEY SO YEE I JUST RLLY RLLY LOVE MY BIG DUMB ROBOT SO SO MUCH AAAAAA HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULD NEVER SELL OR TRADE HIM EVER AND I JUST WISH I HAD MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME TO USE TO JUST BUY MORE COMMISSIONS OF HIM BECAUSE GOD EVERY TIME I DRAW HIM AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE ELSE DOES TOO MY HEART JUST FUCKIN SWELLS W LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!! THIS ONE LITTLE TRANSFORMERS OC DOES THAT MUCH!!!!!!!! AND ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAA

ok but. For real now, besides my initial screams that I had to get out hksjdks. Y'all wanna hear some insight into what all went into making him and why he means so much to me and all. Strap in bc it's gonna get Real

let's start with something pretty well known. Maybe not coming from me but a well known fact regardless lmao. Truth be told I wrote out from the paragraph below this one to the bottom without writing an introduction first and I'm too tired to try to come up with anything good now so uh. Hopefully this isn't too jarring hkshdksk my bad y'all my bad.

Anyways. Mental health! Fucked mental health! that's so much fun right!!

Haha yeah. Nah. We all know this. Being depressed is rlly wack y'all. It fuckin messes up ur head big time. I still don't know if I have downright depression, because I still haven't been properly diagnosed, and I never rlly associated my symptoms and the way I was feeling with depression bc it didn't line up with the stereotypical symptoms of depression, so I was (and still am) just calling it my "existential crisis". That was rlly the only word I could use to describe it. And it was dark and it was lonely and crushing and so, so awful. Despite the fact that I had an extremely loving and supportive friend group, I was always, ALWAYS afraid of speaking up about it. Despite them and all, I still felt super SUPER alone in the way I was feeling about life, my future, and my general purpose. This was all just reinforced by my parents and other adults in my life who I tried to come to in the past who would brush me off by saying I was overreacting, or that I'll "figure it out, because everybody does", or just generally not really understanding or showing any empathy at all. It took my entire life up until SENIOR YEAR ENGLISH CLASS when I went to my teacher about how I was feeling about a certain project that was triggering my symptoms, and that was the first time in my life when any adult had actually shown any sort of understanding or sympathy towards me and my feelings. That was the first time in my life where my mental struggles were validated by someone I respected and held to high regard.

But I still felt so very very alone, with no one to really talk to or who I knew was going through the same thing as me. So I ended up just,, , making someone who did.

Fun fact, before I really went ham on his development, Seaside was just gonna be a one-off oc with a happy go-lucky attitude and not much else about him. It was only until I heard the song What We Will Never Know (which later ended up becoming one of his theme songs bc of this) for the first time that I decided "WAIT,,. ,, BUT,, , WHAT IF,,. , ,,, , I MADE HIM SAD TOO" pretty much hkHKDJDJSK and that's what kick started his development!!

here I was, this sad, depressed, deeply lonely bitch with a love for making characters who played on extensions of myself, finally able to make something to cope with how awful I was feeling all the time. And that's what Seaside kinda was to me at first, he was my coping mechanism for working through hard bouts of my existenial crisis. I crafted his backstory to fit EXACTLY what I was going through at the time. He was content but never truly happy with how his life had been for as long as he could remember, then something exciting and new happens and he's suddenly thrust into a brand new world with so many new possibilities, but as he starts to settle in he realizes just how lost and alone he truly is in this new environment and he doesn't know where to go or what to do with himself. This is literally, EXACTLY a point-to-point retelling of my experience going through high school, graduating, and trying to figure out what to do with my life all with my mental health rapidly deteriorating around me. And having someone like that in my life, even fictional, even one I literally made up myself, made me feel better. I'd daydream scenarios of of us going on little adventures at the beach at night where no one else would see him in robot mode (gotta keep up the disguise aspect and all), but mostly it was just us hanging out, usually cuddled up to each other bc it gets cold on the beach at night, looking up at the stars, chillin and talking and just taking comfort in each other's presences and knowing that we weren't alone in our struggles. And I KNOW that sounds super stupid and cringey and dumb but like, that's genuinely what made, and still does, make me happy and it's what I used to help me hold on just a little longer to get through some of the really rough periods of my existenial crisis. When it got super bad, when I still even couldn't tell my closest friends about how low I was feeling, I still at least had Seaside with me to help me cope.

it wasn't until it got to the point where I was pretty much (lovingly) forced to wake up to the reality that I was rapidly becoming genuinely suicidal that things finally started to change, even just a little bit. I only very recently finally started to get my mind right, I finally told my parents the whole truth about how I was feeling, I got put on some meds that are honestly doing WONDERS for me rn, and I'm definitely in a much better place mentally then I was just a few months ago. I certainly still have a long way to go, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and just soak up and relish in the fact that I'm, for the first time in years, genuinely going about my days just happy to be out here living life without constantly being weighed down by the soul crushingly empty sorrow that hung over me 24/7. (and to said close group of friends, if you're indeed reading this, this may be the first time you're hearing about what I've been going through all the time, and if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kindly ask that you not come to me about it. I'll know when I'm ready to talk about this openly, but now I don't think I am. I'm really sorry to have kept it from y'all for so long, it really was just eating me up inside, but I think I explained myself well enough)

so now that I'm doing much better mentally, Seaside's outlook has kinda changed, but at the same time, not really?? he's still my comfort character for sure, always will be, but now he's not so much a coping mechanism as he is just a solid source of happiness and peace to turn to every now and again. This one little transformers oc just genuinely makes me really really happy, and I love to just soak it all in and feel every little thing!! We still share the not knowing what we're doing with our lives aspect of ourselves, but now it's a little less completely lost and anguished and hopeless and a little more hopeful and reassuring. Things are gonna be ok. We'll figure this out at our own pace. And we'll still have each other to turn to at every step of the way.

there's a lot of different kinds of comfort energies that many different kinds of comfort characters give off, and different ones resonate more with different people. The most common one I'll see at least is a kind of is parental comfort, someone you can come to for guidance in life because they have the experience to advise you on what to do and can be almost a better pseudo-parental figure. Mom friend types, loving dad energy, that kind of thing. Someone to protect you and give you big strong hugs and stuff. Seaside gives off a similar yet very different kind of comfort energy to me. It's not parental in any way because he's far too young (relatively, even in Cybertronian standards. He'd be like, mid to late 20s in human years) and inexperienced, and, frankly, still a little too naive and unknowing about a lot of things to really be someone to turn to for guidance or just generally be a pseudo-parental figure, but instead, he's just a good friend. He's a perfect kind of friend that'd stand by your side and will always be there for you through the ups and downs of life, someone who knows how to cheer you up when you're sad, someone you can share a solidarity in where you know you're experiencing the exact same struggles. He's just a good shoulder to lean on and a constant reminder that I'm never alone. And I couldn't ask for anything better tbh

so yeah. There's my ramble I guess lmao. To sum it up rlly I just love this big dumb robot w all my heart and soul and I'm so so glad I made him 💕💕💕

#words of meg #meg's ocs #seaside #ramble #tw: suicidal thoughts #existenial crisis #i debated writing this at all but i really need to just go and make myself Actually Do the things i Want To Do w my ocs so #yee #even if i get little to no feedback thats ok #i still made something #so this is kinda my attempt at trying to start that lmAO #rlly poured my heart out here huh #oof lmao

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drfitzmonster · 5 years

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thank you so much for your replies. i cant like express the depth of my gratitude of how much what you said resonated and meant to me. im really sorry like bringin it up though ifeel like im such a burden bc of it so i dont irl and while you have always been so kind and feel like the definition of safe and friend even though idk you in person, i recognize that its alot to bring up, so i hope that was ok. ive been starting to acknowledge it with therapy and its terrifying 1/3

but honestly, and i hope this isnt too much to say, but reading your blog and how open you are in not making it something like that means youre ruined gave me so much strength to feel like i might be ok one day and could address it with a professional and dont have to feel all this shame(?) quietly about it? idk just thank you, i cant articulate with words how i feel but its a lot of gratitude. im gonna save your replys and re read them again later when im sure ill need to 2/3

because its the most seen and validated and honestly cared about that ive ever felt being that my family continues to deny it despite literally being there/seeing it for years. like logically i know its not my fault but to hear everything you said in the second baddad ask meant so much more.. anyway this got so rambley but basically thank you im literally never going to forget your kindness for the rest of my life. not to be dramatic but it really does mean a lot. 3/3

you’re not too much, and you don’t have to apologize to me.

i’m glad you reached out to me. i’m glad you feel like i’m safe and a friend. i want to help you. i don’t know what sort of support system you have, but you can count me part of it if you want to. you can always talk to me. you can message me or send another ask and i’ll answer as soon as i am able.

i’m really glad you’re talking to a therapist. i’ve been seeing a therapist off and on for about 20 years. the therapist i’m currently seeing has helped me tremendously. she is the reason i finally stopped being in denial about the abuse i suffered from my dad and others. i am in recovery, and it’s hard work, but it’s worth it. it’s so worth it.

you are going to be ok. you’re going to get to a place where it doesn’t hurt so much. where it’s easier to live with, where it’s a part of you, but it doesn’t take over your whole life.

you are incredibly strong and brave, even when you don’t feel like you are. being sad or vulnerable or scared doesn’t make you weak. crying doesn’t make you weak. grieving doesn’t make you weak. asking for help doesn’t make you weak.

and here’s what i know about shame: shame is harmful, but it only proliferates in secrecy. it dies out in the open. telling your story to people you love and trust, and having your feelings acknowledged and validated, is a very, very important part of the healing process.

you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. your dad is the one who should be ashamed. he abused you. it was real. it really was that bad. your family is gaslighting you, making you question the things you know you experienced. don’t listen to them.

and remember: try to be patient and compassionate with yourself. treat yourself kindly. as much as you can. all those negative and toxic things you think about yourself, that’s not your voice. that’s your dad’s voice, your abusers’ voices. healing from this kind of trauma will help you get your own voice back.

it’s easy to feel like you have a monster living inside you that stalks around your head and if you think too much about what happened that monster will find you. but the truth is there is no monster, there’s just a sad, scared child (you) who needs your love and understanding.

i’m going to leave you with a quote from rainier maria rilke’s letters to a young poet that has meant a lot to me.

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”

#Anonymous

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