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#its one thing when you are a vulnerable child and you have nowhere to go
auteurdelabre · 20 days
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A little Sun part 3.2
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part one / part two / part 2.1
rating: 18+ (MINORS GET OUTTA HERE OR I'M TELLIN' YOUR MAMAS)
Story Summary: As a PA to megastar and mega man-child Dieter Bravo you've had your fair share of headaches. Getting accidentally pregnant with his baby however takes the cake, especially when he offers to pay you to be his surrogate. You just weren't expecting to fall in love with him along the way.
tags: Surrogacy, Pregnancy, Body changes re: pregnancy, Mutual Pining, Idiots in love, P in V, Dirty talk, Unprotected Sex, Romance, Oral (f receiving), Cigarettes, Drugs, Mentions of Parental Death, Vulnerable Dieter, Vulnerable Reader.
a/n: y'all I'm really annoyed because tumblr won't let me post the entire chapter in one post because of whatever reason. So if you wanna read it all in one go, I'm posting it to my A03 or just click the parts above.
dividers by @silkholland
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Most days if you’re distracted you can forget that you’re pregnant altogether. That is, until Dieter comes home with a strange food from set that makes you run to the bathroom to vomit. Or when you try to fit into your favorite CCR t-shirt and break down into tears when it won’t go over your now fairly swollen belly.
Dieter is gone for the night tonight; he and Mia are at some fundraiser for one of the folks on set’s hospital bills. You know that Dieter will end up paying whatever the guy needs; it’s just in his character. He’s brash and annoying and childish, but Dieter is always the first person to pay for something.  Magda needed surgery for her cataracts and Dieter paid for everything, plus a month long vacation so she could relax.
And here you sit on your sofa because you feel like you’re carrying a watermelon strapped to your stomach and you feel like shit. The only good thing is your hair looks amazing; silky and shiny and beautiful.
You decide a bath might be just the thing to turn your mood around.
You’re just settling into the large claw foot tub, bubbles up to your collar and closing your eyes when the door bursts open.
“Hey I need advice.”
You immediately start, almost splashing half the water out of the tub in the process. You cover your breasts with your arms, shooting your uninvited guest a glare.
"Dieter I'm having a bath!"
"Nothing I haven't seen before," he says with a shrug before sitting next to the claw foot tub. He brings his knees to his chest before he crosses his ankles. "I want your advice."
"My advice is you get the fuck out of here."
"I can't see anything from here," he tells you with a pout. "But if it makes you feel better I'll turn around."
You watch him shuffle until his spine is kissing the side of the tub. You peek over to see his hands are nowhere near his cock and you relax back. 
"Better?"
"What advice do you want Dieter?" You sigh, accepting that this relaxing bath will be anything but. 
"It's Mia."
"Mhmm?"
"I...I really like her."
"She's very likable."
"She is, isn't she?" 
From where you lay all you can see is the back of Dieters head, his full locks shifting as you imagine he smiles. 
"So what do you want my advice on? If its relationship advice you're out of luck," you laugh humorlessly. "I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a year."
"Me neither," Dieter says, head tilting to the side. 
You ponder on this for a moment. How two people with such opposing walks of life could end up similarly situated in terms of romance. You know why Dieter gives people at a distance, concern that they're only after him for his money or his fame. Concerned that they're only after him for some cache at stardom. 
But in all this time, you've never taken the time to reflect on why you yourself shy from intimacy. On why school and working eat up so much of your time and your thoughts.
As you sit here now, stomach's swollen with child you're forced to accept the fact that perhaps you haven't just been shying from intimacy. You might have been running away from it full tilt. 
Will your child be like this? Have you created a life in you and capable of finding lasting connection with another human being? Have you already saddled this child with a fate of loneliness? Guilt, this terrible guilt suddenly overtakes you. 
You want to talk to Dieter about it, you want to question him and see if he has the same fears. But his thoughts are (as they so often are) frenzied and landing in an area of pleasure. His thoughts are of Mia, of her sweet face and even sweeter personality. He thinks of how she makes him feel, like he's capable of anything. 
 "I'm just.... I wonder if I should tell Mia about the baby."
You feel your heart skip in your chest and your fingers creep along the edge of the tub before curling.
"Why would you do that?"
Dieter shrugs. "Things feel like they could get serious."
"You haven't known her very long, Dieter."
"So?"
"So I think you want to play house with a girl that has stars in her eyes.”
You see his shoulders tense. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"She's a beautiful young woman at the start of her career," you sigh, popping some of the nearby bubbles. "Being attached to a single dad right now isn’t fair." 
Dieter straightens at this. Single dad. He never really thought of himself like that. The concept makes him wince. He thinks of the nights here when you're busy or sleeping. The nights when his bed feels colder. 
"I'm tired of being alone okay?"
"That's a shitty reason to do that to someone," you bite back. "Mia has her own life, her own career."
"She can still have that-"
"Not when she's playing Mrs. Bravo," you tell him, cheeks heating from the water and your irritation. "You think the media isn't going to be all over this? Hollywood’s Good Girl caught up with Hollywood’s Bad Boy? You think her career won't be in jeopardy when the tabloids find out she’s fallen into bed with her costar?"
Dieter goes quiet. You wish you could see his eyes. His eyes never lie.
"I think you're doing this because you finally realized the giant undertaking it is to be a parent,” you say softly. “I think you're hoping that somehow she'll be your partner in all of this and help ease your load. But this was your decision, not hers. You wanted to be a dad. You wanted to have this kid."
“I know I did!” Dieter snarls and now he whirls around to face you. “And I can do it by myself!”
“Then why-“
“Is it so wrong to want someone else? Someone who wants me?”
Before you can answer he’s pushed himself from beside the tub and gone from the room, slamming the door behind him. The force of it knocks one of the paintings from the wall, denting the wood frame of it.  You sigh and lean back in your tub, wishing you could understand the pit that’s begun in your stomach.
You find it impossible to fall asleep later that night, not just because of the horrible way you ended things with Dieter, but because he’s been blasting his music all fucking night from his art room.  He’s been in there since he left you in the bathroom, the scent of cigarettes and what you assume is one of his fancy whisky bottles seeping from under the door.
You eventually manage to catch a few hours of sleep but are awoken to a loud thump from the art room and Dieter’s muffled fuck this! The music is still going full tilt and this sends you into a fit of pique.
You manage to roll yourself out of bed with a huff before you march down the hallway and push into the studio, flinching when Dieter screams over the music at you before you've even made it past the threshold. 
"You're supposed to knock!"
Since when?
He looks crazed. His hair is even more wild and unruly than usual, his t-shirt is covered in paint. You glance around to see the entire room is littered with papers, charcoal, pencils, paint tubes and more. It's like an art store exploded all over the room. He's standing behind an easel, his body blocked mostly by the large canvas he’s working on.
He moves to the door, quickly ushering you backwards out of the room before you can see what he's working on that has him so upset. 
"Dieter what the hell-"
"That's my private sanctum," he tells you, pulling the cigarette from between his lips, blowing smoke out the corner of his mouth as he glares at you. "You stay out."
"Sorry sorry," you say rolling your eyes at his hysterics. "I'm just trying to sleep and your music is so loud."
He blinks as if only realizing now that the sun has gone down. He scratches at his chest absently, eyes drawing to the darkened windows. 
"What time is it?"
"Three in the morning. Don't you have work in a couple of hours?"
Dieter has a faraway look to his eyes and he finally nods. "Yeah, yeah I do. I should sleep."
He makes no move to leave the doorway. You roll your eyes before holding out your hand to him. Instinctively he moves forward taking it. 
"C'mon Bravo. Let's get you to bed."
Hand in hand you make your way to the hallway, guiding him through the grainy darkness that your eyes are more adjusted too. You stop in front of his room, dropping his hand gently and turning away, ready to pad to your own bedroom down the hall. 
"Will you sleep in my bed? With me?"
You're about to laugh at him at the suggestion but when you glance over your shoulder you see his eyes are glazed. They have that little boy lost quality that peeks out every so often. When you can see past the bravado of too cool for school Dieter and see the scared boy from South America who got teased for having an earring. 
"Yeah, sure." Your eyes drop to his paint-splattered shirt. "Take off the shirt unless you want your sheets ruined." 
He strips it from him without question, watching you enter into his bedroom ahead of him. His heart pounds painfully as he watches you slip under the covers as if you've always belonged there. 
He clamors in, trying not to stare at the soft mounds of your breasts underneath your sleep shirt. Before his courage leaves him he tilts forward onto his palms towards you. He sweeps a kiss across your brow bone before retreating back to his side of the large mattress.
He rolls facing away from you, thankful that you're here with him in his bed. He feels so much calmer with you here near him.
He doesn't want to crowd you and he knows if he sleeps facing you he'll be unable to keep his hands to himself. Every day you look more and more pregnant and it makes him want you so badly his stomach aches. 
He thinks of earlier, and the way you’d called him out on his every insecurity. Sometimes he hates that you know him so well. Most days though, it warms him from the inside out to be so known and seen.
“I’m sorry I yelled before.”
He's shocked when he feels your body press up against his back, your belly pressing tightly against his spine. When your arm slings itself over his waist he has to swallow the unexpected tears. And then he feels it, the soft whisper of your lips against his shoulder. 
"I know. Go to sleep, Dee."
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The weather is unusually warm when you wake up the day of your ultrasound. Dieter has been bouncing off the walls all week, desperate to "see his child". He wanted to do a 3D ultrasound but you begged him to just stick with the normal kind.
Because the truth is you're sort of terrified to see the kid. 
A lot of your time is spent trying to forget that you're pregnant, despite the evidence that makes you take out the waistband of your favorite sweatpants. The thought of seeing him or her in 3D freaks you the fuck out. You don't want to know exactly what's growing in there. 
Dieter fights every instinct in his body to take your hand as the two of you pull up to the private clinic. You’re taken to a large exam room filled with sterile equipment and plus seats. You’re instructed to lay back on a chaise that probably costs more than your first apartment.
Dieter looks down at you looking so frightened and feels a pang of care go through him. He sees you absently stroking at your stomach and feels such affection for you in that moment it takes everything in him not to kiss you.
“Can you pass me my bag?”
Dieter nods, handing you the purse on the chair.  He watches panic cross your features as you dig around in your ridiculously oversized purse. He’s about to ask you what’s going on when a serious looking woman with white-blonde hair enters the room.
“Bravo family?”
“Yes,” Dieter replies before you can explain that you’re not a family. That you’re just a surrogate. But you’re still digging around in your bag growing increasingly stressed by the moment.
"Fuck I forgot my headphones, did you bring yours?"
"No." Dieter is distracted by the implements this woman is pulling out. He's eager to see his child. He takes the purse from you, placing it back on the seat and out of your reach. You fix him with a desperate look.
“Dieter I need-“
“I’m pushing the shirt up,” the woman orders.
Your shirt is tugged up officiously, exposing the round swell of your stomach. Dieter is fucking feral for it, his eyes raking in the naked flesh with a mixture of desire and a pride that nearly buckles him.
This woman isn't patient like Judy was back in the states. She doesn't wear a name tag. She doesn’t care about you being comfortable or wearing headphones. She's just squeezes the jelly as you and Dieter bicker about the headphones and the wand is quickly pressed against your belly.
You make sure your head is tilted as far from the screen as possible, not wanting to see anything. You still want to pretend that there’s nothing in there. That you’re a rented womb. That this thing growing inside you has nothing to do with you.
"Do you want to know the sex today?"
"Yes," Dieter nods and you wish more than anything that you hadn't forgotten your headphones. Learning this will make it more real, more tangible. Then he looks down at you, eyes soft. “Is that okay?”
You consider plugging your ears with your fingers but it won't do any good. Dieter won't be able to stop talking about it until you give birth. For a moment the severe woman pauses, cocking a brow in your direction before you finally give her a short nod. She looks back to the ultrasound, confirming before telling you both.
"It's a boy."
Dieter is sure he can feel his heart overflowing. He's going to have a son. This will be the only performance he cares about: that of good father. Without thinking he clutches your hand in his, overcome.
You go to pull back, to pull away and then you hear it. This steady, soft thudding that makes you pause. A strange hypnotic sound as ancient as time itself.
Your son's heartbeat.
Dieter watches the way you slowly blink. Your head which is always tilted away from the monitor now slowly drags to look over at it.
Your eyes are wide, and your body tenses as this being, this life becomes real to you. He’s right there. As you see his coiled, sleeping frame in the monitor and know that this life is inside you now. That you are his home, his protector, his love.
"Hi," you whisper to the tiny being on the screen. "Hi little boy."
That's your son onscreen. You made that child together with the man clutching your hand.
You made this. You made life.
It's so real. He's there, this child you thought of as a commodity, as something you were merely the vessel for. How could you have been arrogant enough to think you wouldn't grow attached? How could your hubris have convinced you that you could separate yourself emotionally?
That’s him. He’s right there. You look at your stomach, amazed that while you were busy pretending he didn’t exist, he was there growing so close to your heart. He was there sleeping and eating and living. Tears dot your lash line and you turn to Dieter, his face so close to yours. You see the tears glossy in his eyes. Affection deep and abiding fills you and you can't stop yourself from pressing your lips against his. He’s immediately receptive, his hand going to your cheek.
The previously stern nurse smiles softly before excusing herself to get a copy of your ultrasound.
At the sound of the door closing behind her it’s like you both remember who you are – boss and employee. Surrogate. You’re being paid for this. His eyes go wide as you abruptly pull back, realizing too late that you've stepped over the line.
"I'm sorry," you breathe. "That was-"
"It's okay," Dieter says warmly. "It's emotional."
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A short while later you're still mortified about what just happened inside. Dieter is uncharacteristically quiet as you both hear towards the towncar. The day is beautiful, sunny and its like the world just got brighter because of what you’ve just learned.
"I can't... I can't believe," you say softly, your mind still back in that room.
"I know," Dieter says, smile wide. "Fucking unbelievable. I'm gonna have a son."
I'm. Not we.
"Yeah, you are."
You walk slowly back to the car, taking your time to bask in the warmth of the day. He longs to take your hand in his but he knows that’s not what you want.
The kiss inside hadn’t been romantic. It had been emotional, the result of sharing something few would. You created life, even if you weren’t together you were forever tied to this tiny being within you.
He can see your eyes are distant, unfocused. He has a pretty good idea about what.
"Got regrets?"
"What? About giving away the... Bubble? No." You shake your head forcing a laugh. "Never wanted kids."
"Yeah you've said that a few times," Dieter observes, eyes stuck on you. He carries his coffee cup loosely in his fingers as you stroll towards the car. "But I mean, people can change."
"Not about this," you tell him. The tone is frosty, but you're holding your mouth in that way he recognizes now. The same look you had that first night in Ireland when you talked about your dad. You're trying not to cry.
Dieter feels his chest constrict.
"Listen, yes I'll have sole custody. But if you wanted photos and shit? I'd understand. It could be like the app. I'd send you updates. Photos, videos anytime you want. I know you’ll be busy with school, but maybe I could bring him up for visits if you feel like it?"
Your heart leaps at the thought.
Yes.
But that's what you say to a hormonal woman, you reason. You tell her what she wants to hear. Not what's practical. Dieter is going to be a father to this child and if he has it his way, Mia will probably be sticking around to be the mom. You’ll be a third wheel, a confusion for your child.
"That's not necessary," you say with a shrug. "This is just all hormones. I'll be f-"
You break off with a gasp, your hand balancing against the towncar for purchase.
"What?" Dieter looks terrified.
"I... I think he just kicked!"
Before Dieter can stop himself his wide hand is over your hand on your belly, cradling it. You both wait a moment and then yes, Dieter feels it, a tiny flutter against his palm. His eyes fill with tears.
"Holy shit!" You both exclaim in unison.
Then you both giggle like schoolchildren that have just learned a new swear world. A breathless giddy laughter that seems to go on forever. You let Dieter keep his hand on your belly, the other over his mouth in disbelief.
"Thank you for doing this," Dieter finally offers thickly, staring at you in a way that warms you from the inside.  "You're changing my life. I feel like the money isn't enough."
"Just don't name him Lemon-Pillow Bravo and we'll be square," you say with a laugh that he returns, eyes crinkling in the corners. He stares at you, looking at the softness in your face pregnancy has brought, the sweet way you’re smiling at him. The position your hand is in resting gently over his on your belly.
Dieter can’t help himself, his head tilts towards yours precisely the same time yours moves towards his. His mouth finds yours, kissing you softly as he cradles your pregnant belly. Your hand goes to the back of his neck, holding him loosely there as you kiss him back, eyes shut, tongues dabbing gently.   The cameras catch it all.
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wyn-n-tonic · 1 year
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That's a Real Fucking Legacy: Legacy
Pairing: Joel x f!reader/former Tommy x f!reader Word Count: 2.6k+ Warnings: Talk of pregnancy, childbirth, child loss, grief, alcohol, drugs. Author's Note: I'm sorry.
Writing Blog: @wyn-writing. Sign up for my taglist HERE.
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Empty.
The shelves of his belongings, sparse as they may be; the maps that hung tacked to the wall; the knife taped beneath the table; the life of his laughter drained from the walls.
And the guitar.
Of course the guitar was gone.
���I'm sorry,” his note read. “I had to go. I had to know if it was possible for us to have a safer, happier life outside of here. I’ll be back for you, I love you.” 
Nothing else, just gone in the night leaving nothing else but a note and a broken heart.
It always ends bloody—day after day, year after year.
But this didn’t end at all, it just never came back.
It left two things in its wake—you and a brother.
A brother who couldn’t look you in the eye after reading the tear stained note that mentioned him nowhere in it.
It didn’t say he’d come back for Joel.
It didn’t say he wanted better for Joel and it fed into Joel’s belief that he was no longer good enough for good things or good intentions. 
Somewhere along the line, you picked up on that feeling for yourself. It was easier to tell yourself that Tommy had forgotten about you and the promise he made in his letter. It was easier to assume that he no longer loved you because the only alternative was that he was no longer living.
Not Joel, though.
That callus nature ticked off Tommy’s life like a box in his goddamn head. Compartmentalized it away as one less person that made him vulnerable—weak. It was the illusion of strength that drove you to him; to showing up at his apartment with some poorly constructed moonshine and an ache you hadn’t felt satisfied since the night before everything changed.
You told him how Tommy had fucked you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered, knowing it was the last time, and that motherfucker didn’t even have the balls to say goodbye.
“I never meant fuck all to him, did I?” You had asked.
Shattered glass wasn’t the response you were looking for but it’s certainly the one you got, expletives crawling out of his mouth as he knelt down to pick up the shards. 
Only that and the silence that followed as he disposed of the crystalized remnants and paced the small room.
“My brother loved you,” he finally said. “You were the best goddamn thing my brother had going for him—he said you were the best thing he had ever done. His love for you is how I know he’s fucking dead, sweetheart, so you need to stop sitting here convincing yourself that what you had was fake—some fucked up way to protect yourself—and start grieving like the goddamn widow you are.”
That grief stood to meet his and both of you fell into bed shortly after.
It made sense, he’d promised you. You weren’t doing anything wrong.
You got the next best thing to Tommy Miller.
He got to protect the most important thing to Tommy Miller. 
It’s what he would’ve wanted.
But now he looks like he’s going to throw up.
The sex got more frequent, the small laughter and the stolen touches.
For a while, you’d kept separate dwellings—him sleeping alone, you sleeping with a ghost.
Then the apartment was ransacked one day while you were out, you came home to Firefly spray paint on the doors and half the floor boards torn up.
Joel barely let you out of his fucking sight after that.
He also fucked you blind most nights, giving over small glimpses of the man he used to be—the man he still wishes he was.
There’s half a glimpse of that now followed by fear followed by a set jaw and a mask he wears when it’s not just you beside him.
“Are you sure?” He asks, hands worrying into the edge of a book over and over again.
You shrug, “who can really be sure of anything these days? Especially this early on but… I don’t know.” Looking down at your nails, you start to pick at the bloodied skin already ravaged by your anxieties. “I’m fairly certain though,” you tell him. “Don’t feel obligated to anything.” 
“Shut up,” he snaps. He is harsh when he wants to be but he’s never been so with you. “Don’t sit there and tell me you’ve got my baby inside of you and then tell me not to feel obligated. You are the only person I feel that for anymore.” 
The chair kicks back and falls behind him when he stands, clattering down in a way that shakes you. You’re used to the loudness of his voice, the attack dog style way he turns on anybody who looks at you sideways.
"I'm sorry,” he says after a few beats from the other side of the room. He’s staring down the window but you’re not sure his eyes are anywhere, really. Not sure he’s here either.
You know where he goes on the nights he doesn’t exhaust himself enough between your legs after a long day. Hell, he goes there even then. Because no amount of sex or drugs or alcohol is going to scrub that memory out.
Tommy told you about that night; the subsequent nights and the years that followed where Joel turned into somebody completely different. Joel, who used to be goofy and happy, even if he was stressed. 
But he’s not that man anymore and, even if you catch the glimpses of him in fleeting moments, he never will be again.
“I'm sorry,” you tell him. Because it’s all you can say. You’d been as careful as you could. You’d drank the tea. You did the best you could.
He doesn’t turn until you stand, following the noise of your body with his good ear to bore his brown gaze into you. “Where are you going?” 
You shrug, “I think you need some time and uh”—you rub at your eye—“I heard a rumor a while ago about somebody who can help take care of it so—“
“So just like that”—he snaps his fingers for emphasis—“you’re gonna take it all away? Never happened, huh?”
“You don’t want this,” you tell him. You say it plainly like a fact because it is.
His features twist up, eyes squinting as he pulls back like you've slapped him. “It's not that I don’t want this,” he says, accent coming out thick. “It's that I don’t want this for you”—he starts counting on his fingers, taking steps toward the fallen chair and the door you stand at now—“I don’t want this life for you; I don’t want this life for that baby; I don’t want me for that baby, sweetheart. Don’t you understand? That should be my brother’s, you should be my brother’s—“
“Yeah, well he fucking left me, Joel!” The way you heighten your voice shoots pain right up into your head, the headache you’ve been nursing from nerves all day growing worse as your fists clench and unclench. “He fucking left you, he left us! This should be his baby, but it’s not, Joel. It doesn’t have to be yours either.” 
“Sweetheart,” his voice is so soft now. Another glimpse. He walks towards you slowly, hands out as if trying to pacify a wild animal. “Can we talk about this before you just go off and—“ 
But you’re already halfway out the door before he can finish the thought, letting it slam shut behind you on the man you never should’ve told.
——————
It’s always bloody—this life we’re forced to live now.
Starts in blood, ends in blood.
In the moment you hemorrhaged from childbirth, all you could think of was Tommy and how you hoped his end was the fast kind of blood and not the kind you were experiencing. 
It was the first time you saw Joel cry, stood back and shaking with clenched fists. In the end, it was how stern his voice got that brought you back from the blackened edges of your vision. 
That’s how he spoke to you, to the baby. Soft voices, yes. But stern, too. Like every statement was a warning shot not to leave him like the rest. 
Life in the QZ wasn’t exactly a good one but it was enough; safe enough. Joel took the risks he needed to, to get you and the baby what you needed. 
That was her name for the longest time, just Baby.
Baby, who fit in the palm of her father’s hand.
Baby, who made him laugh like he hadn’t in years.
Baby, who made his smile reach his eyes again.
Baby, who was told stories of how much like her big sister Sarah she already was with all her sass and all her charisma.
He was obsessed with her tiny hands, her little toes and the way she cooed up at him with big, dark eyes. 
He was obsessed with her little face, the curve of her lips and the way she latched on to feed.
“You're gonna hate me for saying this,” he started when he walked in the room one day, her tiny body nestled in the crook of his arm like a football. “But I think she kind of looks like Tommy.” 
You did hate him for that but he wasn’t wrong. It was some sick cosmic joke; the baby that should be his; the baby made out of grief for him.
Three weeks later, her papers were officially filed with FEDRA under the name Thomasin Miller; never imagining that, one year later, you’d be walking down the street to see her namesake stepping out of your old building like a bad dream.
Or the best dream.
If that’s where he went first, finding that the entire thing is cleared out, then he’d be going to Joel’s next. 
Unless he stuck with not ever wanting to see his brother’s goddamn face again.
You split left before he saw you, turned the corner and took the other way to Joel’s; to Thomi—home.
Fighting with your keys to get into the lock, the door pulled open and your muttering stopped as Joel stood easily at six feet with baby girl tucked up on his chest fast asleep. From the looks of it, he was too.
He barely came around to the pregnancy, trying hard to school his emotions through every milestone afraid that it was going to drop just like everything else. He carried that fear through the birth, told you that he was so afraid you were going, too. So afraid that you were leaving him with a baby to fend for so he could start this sick cycle of his life over again.
Except this time he wouldn’t even have Tommy and he knew the only outcome of that was him leaving the baby or her leaving him.
He said he wouldn’t have survived.
That’s the only way you know Joel Miller loved you—his version of it anyway.
Obligated.
“What's wrong?” He asks, worry covering every part of his face as his large hand covers yours. “What happened?”
“Tommy.” It’s all you can choke out.
He goes to hand you the baby, says she’s right here. Says she’s okay and asks again what happened. Asks if there was a baby on the trucks today.
“No,” you shake your head. “No, Joel, Tommy’s here.” 
He tells you you’re crazy, that it can’t be. Says the heat of the day and the smell of the infected dead must’ve gotten to you. That wasn’t even your job today; he stopped letting it be your job a long ass time ago. He didn’t want you seeing Thomi in every snuffed out life the way he saw Sarah.
“Listen to me, Joel!” Your yelling wakes the baby but only half a cry comes out before she realizes she’s in her daddy’s arms. “Tommy was coming out of our old building, he is here and I wasn’t there and you know where he’s gonna go next.” 
After two hours with no knock on the door, Joel starts to examine you; your eyes; your head; your neck. Any sign of trauma at all that can explain away the ghosts you saw in plain sight.
And then it comes. Just a couple of knocks at the door. Joel’s eyes rake down your face as all the color drains from it and crosses to the front door. “Who is it?”
“It's me,” a muffled voice on the other side comes through. “I-it’s Tommy.”
Joel opens the door enough to fit his broad body into it, one arm raised to lean against the deteriorating wood jamb. “Thought you were dead.”
“Why would you—“ 
“Maybe because you fucked off with a promise to come back and didn’t.”
“I—“ He stutters looking for the words. “I sent letters.”
From here, you can see Joel’s eyes squint and his face twist in near disgust. “We don’t exactly have a goddamn postal service, shitbird.” 
“Yeah, I fucking know that,” Tommy quips back and you can imagine just the face he’s making too. “I fucking radio’d, every fucking week, and I got nothing back. I just want to know she’s okay.”
You watch from the hallway, one arm hugged around your body for warmth. It’s not even cold.
“She’s—" He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how to fucking answer that. I hope she’s fine now but I’m worried that knowing you're around might slide that progress back.”
“Progress?”
“Yeah, Tommy, she fucking grieved for you for a long ass time. That was after she waited for you until I told her to accept that you weren’t coming back.”
“But I radio’d…” 
“We didn’t get a goddamn radio from you, Tommy!” 
Thomasin screams at the sound of her father’s raised voice, howling out every thing she’s got in her tiny lungs as you move to pick her up.
Tommy’s asking what the fuck that is and you can see Joel’s fists clenching, tightening the grip he has on the door. He looks back at you, back at his daughter and his face betrays the parts of his heart that are breaking as Tommy asks whose goddamn baby is crying in his apartment.
“Mine,” Joel responds. 
Then he shuts down, jaw setting and unsetting as Tommy asks question after question. 
Where’d you get a baby?
What’s going on?
Why can’t I find her?
You know where she is, tell me where she is.
Joel can’t answer any of them, can’t make eye contact with his brother anymore but he doesn’t move from the door. He wants to, you can tell. He wants to shut it, go back to this morning when you and he and the baby were all still sound asleep in the early light of day.
“Can I just come in, Joel?” He finally asks. “Can we just talk about this? You can tell me where she is, I’ll set it right with her, I meant to come back for her a lot sooner.”
“Yeah,” Joel breathes out, “you really fucked up on that one.” 
He looks to you then, a silent question in his eyes.
Are you ready for this?
No. You aren’t. Three hours ago, you didn’t know this man was still breathing and the only solace you could hope for was that he was truly dead and not some fucking monster with a mushroom growing out of his gorgeous head.
Sitting, finally, with Thomasin in your aching arms to cover your aching heart, you nod and Joel lets the door open wider until Tommy's eyes are on you; your daughter.
“I'm sorry, Tommy,” Joel says. “I’m really fucking sorry.” 
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d10nsaint · 1 year
Text
YANDERE ALPHABET
—ft. Dion Agriche.
➛ Warnings ! — Possessive behavior, mentions of abuse & unconsentual things, (Maybe rape, being locked up) Starving, major yandere themes. Viewer discretion advised.
affection — how do they show their love and affection?
・。 ⁺ ✦— He shows his affection through pain.
blood — how messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦ — He’d kill His maids, His siblings, His father, all for his darling. Nobody is as important to him as they are, and he who disrespects her is as dead as he would come.
cruelty — how would they treat their darling once abducted?
・。 ⁺ ✦ — He’d force you into submission, using pain and manipulation to get his absolute way.
darling — aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?
・。 ⁺ ✦ — He has you tied up in the Agriche basement, with nothing but a maid bringing you three meals a day and two snacks. If you’re on good behavior, he’ll tie you to the bedpost in his room.
exposed — how vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —It’ll take awhile, but once you become obedient and tame him, he’s at your feet and doing whatever you ask. He has no moral compass at that point, but can still deduct when you try and deceive him.
fight — how would they feel if their darling fought back?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —He finds it funny. You should know that he is now your home and you can’t escape his grasp, because once he has you.
game — is this a game to them? how much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —He’s up to toying with you and pushing you to the edge(the point where you feel that you need to escape) but the moment you do, he’d watch you. He has the stealth and strength to enjoy watching you run like you’re free. But the farthest he’ll let you go is the border, due to the fact that during the night the woods near it get dangerous.
hell — what would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —every experience with dion is a bad one. He makes the process of obtaining you painless and silent, but once you get to your chambers, it’s a different story.
ideals — what kind of future do they have in mind for their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —He has a future planned where you carry his child as his wife. God, he’d love to see you round and plump with his children, with nowhere to run.
jealousy — do they get jealous? how do they handle it?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —There’s no way for him to get jealous. He keeps you locked away, far from others.
kisses — how do they act around or with their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦—He acts cold and harsh, as per usual. He can’t find a reason why he should be smitten with his darling when he knows his ‘affections’ will go to waste.
love letters — how would they go about approaching their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦—He first doesnt approach by talking to you—he observes.
mask — are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
・。 ⁺ ✦—Not at all. He’s normally very cruel, and you are no exception to his behaviors.
naughty — how would they punish their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦— He makes you cry. It’s a form of pleasure for him, and having you suffer because you disobeyed him is oddly a big turn on for him.
oppression — how many rights would they take away from their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦—Every right, almost down to talking and walking. You’re his pet, and you need his permission to do almost everything.
patience — how patient are they with their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦— surprisingly, sometimes very patient . He had patience when he tells you to do something and you dont get it right on your first try, but when you disobey him, it ticks him off.
quite — if their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
・。 ⁺ ✦— His life goes back to normal, its like you didnt exist.
regret — would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦—Not at all. He doesnt feel guilt—or anything else that would make the average person cry.
stigma — what brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
・。 ⁺ ✦—His curiosity of human emotion has made him so cold and brutal. Watching you smile makes him curious—curious about ways to get rid of it.
tears — how do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
・。 ⁺ ✦—He loves it. He finds it as the most euphoric thing ever. He could get off from it, in fact. just the idea of his darling screaming and crying for any reason is pure pleasure to him.
unique — would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
・。 ⁺ ✦—Hes much more cruel. He has no objection to blatant torture—and pain is his to-go resource. You disobey? he cuts your wrist. You say something he doesn’t like? he cuts your thigh. He likes seeing the healed cuts as a reminder of your time together.
vice — what weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
・。 ⁺ ✦—none. He has no care for his life other than to play around with things. Without you, his life is just a muted gray.
wit’s end — would they ever hurt their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —he’d hurt you as his first resort. he knows nothing of calamity and giving thinks a rest.
xoanon — how much would they revere or worship their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —After some time when you finally open up to him and accept that you can’t change him he'll worship the ground that your feet bestow.
yearn — how long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —He doesnt do much pining. The moment he realizes his feelings, hes finding a way to obtain you.
zenith — would they ever break their darling?
・。 ⁺ ✦ —he'd break you the moment he got his hands on you.He may love you, but he also loves his women when theyre obedient.
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ammonitetheseaserpent · 11 months
Text
*breaks down my own door* I’m BAAAACK-
New chapter time - also Operation: 3 TOTM Wednesdays In A Row is GO! Who’s ready to reach the finish line? I sure am!
Tide of Tied Minds
Chapter 4: If you see us in the daylight
Summary: The Collector is shown something they haven’t experienced in many millennia.
Chapter Word Count: 743
Trigger Warnings: out-of-body experience (you know the drill)
-
Back when he was visiting the Collector in their prison, they’d been nebulous, but had seemed fairly approachable. King had enjoyed their conversations, and a part of him had felt for them, cared about them - and while he still very much did, now there was something a bit different there, too.
It had been there since he’d seen the star child flick the moon aside with a finger, as if he were halfheartedly swatting a bug. It was a sense of wariness.
A sense of “I’d better not make this kid mad in any way.”
After a moment, King blinks his eyes open - at which point his train of thought careens into pure confusion.
A familiar, teal-marbled space makes up his surroundings, one he’d never expected to see again - and yet, here it is.
Wait, but… this place was-
A cry of despair rings though the void, jolting King into awareness with a startled “weh?”
He whirls around, overshooting the source of the noise, then tips his snout back around to see-
A massive, faceless figure, towering over a familiar being in space-speckled pajamas.
The Collector shouting, his confusion and pain felt as a physical force in King’s chest.
As the young Titan watches, there’s a flash of light, punctuated by the Collector’s panicked wail. The figure disappears like smoke, and when everything clears, King is able to see his friend - a shadow curled up in a nebula-like orb. The void seems to darken and distort a little, like someone putting a painting underwater, as if reflecting the Collector’s mood.
King debates what to do. The Collector can be unpredictable, and has the power to make that a dangerous thing - possibly even more so now that they’re in a vulnerable state.
Ultimately, though, he doesn’t hesitate for long before he finds himself ducking his head and floating toward the orb.
-
The Collector grazes their fingers against their prison, leaving bright white marks across its surface inside. It feels good. It’s the only thing they can touch, after all.
They float there, unable to grasp onto anything, a helpless ball of pain and bitterness and empty loneliness and other emotions in a knot that has nowhere to go, so it sucks out everything inside him like an endless black hole. A ball trapped inside another ball, colors inside it shifting lazily, slowly, mocking him, taunting him.
Their whole body feels weighted with his surroundings, all the wrongness in there. This is all wrong. They shouldn’t be here.
A flash of white and gray distracts the Collector from their overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
Floating there, slowly approaching the orb, is King. “Hey, there,” the small Titan says softly. “I, uh- I think I landed in a dream of yours,” he adds, turning his snout around slowly, taking everything in.
A feeling of relief fills the Collector’s chest and sits there with a grip, both at the appearance of his best friend and at the news that this is a dream.
“You… wanna get out of here?” King ventures. “Could- could I bring us to your mindscape?”
The star child winces. They could go there, theoretically, and then at least he wouldn’t have to be tortured with reliving one of his worst memories. Then again, his mindscape undoubtedly housed a bunch of other not-so-fun memories, and they’re not sure they want to see all those - or have King see all those. They trust the small Titan, but don’t know what might come from letting him see right into their mind, and they don’t want to find out. “I… I ‘unno,” the Collector murmurs finally.
King accepts this answer with a patient nod. He taps a claw to his chin, clearly thinking. “I’ve got a better idea - can you feel things through that bubble?”
“…probably? Not sure.”
“All right.”
As the Collector presses curiously up against the bubble, King floats closer with his furry arms outstretched. He presses into the bubble himself, his arms wrapped around it, around the Collector.
Something sweeps away the remaining knots of darkness weighing the child of the stars down. A warm feeling, one that brings peace and comfort. It’s… nice. For the first time in eons, they feel almost totally safe.
“King?” They whisper.
“Hm?” King tilts his snout a bit, not moving otherwise.
“…I’m really glad you found me.”
Their friend considers this, hesitating, then seems to smile under his skull. “Same here.”
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kxllerclaws · 5 months
Text
The night’s deepening chill had gone unnoticed by the blonde specter, warmed by the heat exuding from her compassionate core. She had been waiting for her son for a short while now, growing ever the more restless by the minute. Patience was a virtue she often had to spare in spades, but being by her lonesome in a place where her vulnerability had been taken advantage of left her fearful. There was no knowing what could happen, should she be left in solitude for too long.
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She was hardly comforted by the fact there were civilians wandering about town, doing their own thing. Despite what Chimizo had claimed, who was going to be of any help to her? During the pumpkin incident, she ended up being fooled regardless of who was there to witness the occurrence. And no one had come to her rescue, either.
So, it stood to reason that even though there were people around, it did not inherently mean she was safe. Anxiety stirred in her chest at the thought, afraid to imagine what could hit her next. Anything was possible in the town of Halloween.
Even the impossible.
Her terror gripped her tight, constricting and cementing her in place. It was almost unlike anything she had ever felt, this dread. The only other time she had ever experienced such an emotion was when she realized her son had disappeared, soon to find him mangled and broken by beings she wished would never wreak terror on her loved ones again.
Hanyoko could recall the corridor of twinkling cosmos, twisting and churning as if alive – because it was alive. It trapped her family in its clutches, booming harrowing words to deter them from rescuing the one they loved. Her contorting vision emulated what it was like to be back in that horrid place once more, lined with a seemingly endless expanse of stars which gradually overtook her sight.
Realization sank in as it became apparent she was not purely reminiscing. Eyes widening, she frantically stared about, finding herself completely and utterly sequestered from her previous location. A stellar void of nothingness flanked her on all sides. She had nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide.
A voice she was doomed to recognize reverberated through the vacant vastness.
[ How disappointing. Your son was quite assured he could exceed the level of care I have offered. And yet, here you stand, left to fend for yourself. ]
Heralded by the whipping of cosmic dust, a nearly indiscernible body came into being before her, composed of the very cosmos themselves. Icy blue eyes shone upon its featureless face, bearing down on her overshadowed form.
No response contended the accusation. Hanyoko was far too paralyzed to muster a sound. What she was experiencing defied all logic. Everything she had known to be true was shattering right in front of her, and she was unable to gather the pieces.
[ I foresaw this outcome the instant his blades pierced into my very being. A disobedient reprobate cannot conceivably provide for a being of purity such as yourself. ]
Trembling wracked her figure. No matter how urgently she wished she could deny it, to flee and never look back, an unseen force prevented her from producing anything beyond a meager whimper.
[ Do not fret, my child. In the imminent future, I shall return, restored to my former greatness. ] The source of the echoing statements leaned forward, looming over the shivering spirit. [ And once I do, I shall whisk you away from the gruesome beast who holds you captive, so we may begin anew. ]
A colossal, clawed hand capable of wrapping around the entirety of her body became visible as it reached for her, radiating a violet aura which increased the pressure of the space surrounding it. The scream bubbling inside her refused to be unleashed as she merely hovered in place, unable to budge an inch.
[ Humanity’s insufficient standards of life shall no longer bind you. My own kin is destined for far greater endeavors than satiating mortal palates – no, you are deserving of a significantly higher standing, one which involves the masses catering to your desires. ]
Sharp digits opened wide. Just as Hanyoko took in the sharpest of breaths, they closed, swallowing her whole.
She awoke collapsed upon the cold earth. Her gasps were coarse, shaking her entire self in droves of needless air. While some monsters were alerted to her fall, she haphazardly sat upright, dusting herself off and nervously chuckling as she waved her hands in dismissal. “I’m fine; I’m fine! I just… zoned out.”
This seemed to be enough to ease the ghouls, shrugging and carrying on as normal. For once, being left alone gave her relief, allowing her to assess the damage without drawing unwanted attention.
Running her fingers beneath her bangs, she discovered she was completely drenched in sweat. She removed her cap to keep it dry and set it in her lap, uneasily gazing towards the moonlit sky for guidance.
What she had undergone should not have been possible. Soul Spirits could not sleep, nor could they dream. How was she supposed to rationalize any of it without flying into a full-blown panic? Tears welled in her eyes and she was almost convinced she would start sobbing uncontrollably in public again.
But they did not fall. Instead, her core filled her with a dull pain. In response to it, she slumped, wrapping her arms around her hat and ultimately herself.
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“Please come back soon.” A quiet murmur pleaded for his return.
Her true protector was out there. And it was not the owner of that voice.
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mousegard · 1 year
Note
for the ask thing
rhea
favorite thing about them
oh god. where do i start. she's so fucked up and she's so hot. she's an absolute mess on every level. my daughter who has every disease. my poor little meow meow. she did everything wrong and i love her for it. she's so bad and it makes me want to clap my hands and rub them together with glee. all of the rest of my answers to this meme are my favorite thing about her
least favorite thing about them
the fandom
aside from that, her lack of relevance in azure moon sucks. i'm glad that at least she got more focus in azure gleam, as much of a cursed route as that was, if only because it just makes it so obvious how incredibly and delightfully toxic rhea has been for fodlan and its people
favorite line
every line rhea gets is just fucking. so good. cherami leigh is perfectly cast in the english dub. her lines are dripping with menace when they need to be, unsettling when they need to be, and vulnerable exactly when they need to be. every fucking line she gets in cf is just so, so good and the voice acting brings it all to life perfectly.
rhea's lines when byleth chooses to protect edelgard in the holy tomb are my favorite. especially the sheer contempt you can hear in "you are just another failure"
chills every time. the truth comes out there. exactly how she sees byleth and exactly how she sees humanity as a whole
brOTP
one of the fascinating things about rhea is that nobody is on an equal footing to her. not seteth or flayn, her fellow nabateans, whom she never answers to for any of the decisions she makes, despite seteth being nominally her advisor. not catherine or jeralt, who were brought under her wing in exchange for their servitude as knights, one of whom was successfully groomed by her and one of whom wasn't and got out while he still had a chance.
honestly cyril is the only human character in the game that rhea doesn't appear to have a purely transactional relationship with, and... he's a child. a child who cleans her room and does chores for her. okay that's pretty transactional now that i think about it.
so, given that rhea doesn't have anyone she can be bros with, my brotp for rhea is...
rhea/catherine. you get the more wholesome ending of a deposed rhea retreating from the world and catherine looking after her, which is quite bittersweet. but you can also be delightfully fucked up with it. imagine if cf ended with the black eagle strike force being routed in fhirdiad and fresh off a decisive church victory over the empire catherine had to live with the thousands of civilians she'd murdered on rhea's orders, with nowhere to go but deeper into rhea's arms. hhhhhhhhhh
OTP
i don't think rhea is capable of having a healthy romantic or sexual relationship with any other playable character in the game (she might have had one with wilhelm, but that was 1000 years ago), but a relationship doesn't have to be healthy to be incredibly fascinating and compelling. that is why my rhea otp is rhea and cf!dimitri. the feedback loop of bloodthirsty revenge they would enforce for each other would be fun to watch... from several miles away.
nOTP
rhea/byleth. like... rhea outright doesn't see byleth as a person (in stark contrast to the other humans in her life, who she at least understands are people and not merely vessels) until the end of ss/vw and tried to erase their entire identity without their foreknowledge or consent. that's not something i can ship. i can fantasize about how fucked up it is i guess but as a ship? nah
also rhea/edelgard is one of those ships which i like mainly for horny reasons but under certain circumstances it goes instantly to squick. and it's a fine line but a line nonetheless.
random headcanon
this isn't so much of a headcanon as it is an interpretation of sothis' characterization through her behavior in 3 hopes, but i believe that sothis felt no affection for the nabateans she created; they were just tools to her, and she cared about them as much as a paperclip maximizer cares about the paperclips it makes. and that makes it extra tragic for rhea, who wastes her entire life after slaying nemesis trying to recapture a maternal love that only really existed in her own head.
gives me real nier automata vibes. isn't that hilarious? doesn't it make you laugh?
unpopular opinion
rhea is the villain everyone accuses edelgard of being. she's a sympathetic and fascinating character, but at the end of the day she's an alien colonizer who spent 1000 years fucking up an entire continent. and she didn't have to be any of those things. you know it. i know it. she knows it
song i associate with them
youtube
See these eyes so green I can stare for a thousand years Colder than the moon
It's been so long
Feel my blood enraged It's just the fear of losing you Don't you know my name?
You've been so long
And I've been putting out the fire with gasoline
favorite picture of them
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SageOfAnys
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frogbians
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Text
HOTD EP 10 SPOILERS
So I caved and watched the leaked episode. I am going to put the rest under a tag so you don’t get spoiled if you don’t want to but one thing I will say is that the leaked episode is only 56 mins long yet the episode on IMDB is listed as being 1hr 3 mins. All the other episodes line up with their listings on IMDB, there is a few seconds discrepancy on some but never more than like 10 secs. However with the leaked episode there is around a 6 min difference which makes me think that there is some footage missing from the leaked episode. My thoughts on the leaked episode are below the tag. 
I will be honest overall I actually thought the episode was good, but there were parts that just seemed odd or not complete, I also think there were some inconsistences in some of the characterisations and writing mostly when it came to daemon. 
So I am going to talk about Daemon first. Some of his reactions I did understand. Like his anger at hearing about his brother’s death and his grief. I also understand his motives behind going full steam ahead with planning the war. At first it seems like he doesn’t care about his family and is cold and just cares about this war he wants to fight. But I actually think its a mixture of him being driven by this anger towards the Greens because one he believes they killed his brother and two because they took Rhaenyra's crown, but also by his need to protect his family. Rhaenyra goes into early labour and so is in a vulnerable state and I think Rhaenys’ warning of ‘the greens are coming for you, and your children’ is ringing in Daemon’s ear. The first thing we hear him talking about is setting up lookouts to keep Dragonstone defended in the event that the green’s attack, showing that this is something Daemon is worried about and so he wants to make sure his family is as safe as possible. But it was still heartbreaking hearing Rhaenyra’s cries in the background, especially when she calls for Daemon and he ignores her. The only reason I can think of for this is that he still has some trauma around Laena’s labour and death. I think both Rhaenyra and Daemon knew when she went into labour that the child would not make it, she was just far too early. But I think  Daemon also feared that he may be faced with losing Rhaenyra too, or even asked a similar question he was asked when Laena was in labour, or having to make a decision about Rhaenyra or the child’s wellbeing. I think he avoids the room because he is afraid of getting bad news, he declines to talk to the maester because he is afraid of what the maester will tell him. Basically he is in denial of what is happening and his coping mechanism is to just pretend that it isn’t, in a way its not that he doesn’t care but that he cares too much and is overwhelmed by his fear and so he runs away from it all seeking distraction elsewhere, he instead busies himself with making sure Dragonstone is safe for Rhaenyra. He has patrols looking out for any attack, he has dragons put in the sky in case the greens come on dragonback and he ensures the loyalty of Rhaenyra’s Kings Guard (or rather Queens Guards now) because they will be the ones most closely guarding her and so it is of the upmost importance that they remain loyal, he also takes Jace with him to impress this lesson on to him as he is Rhaneyra’s heir, he doesn’t just ask them to recognise Rhaenyra but Jace too. After ensuring that Dragonstone is safe he does actually go to Rhaenyra but by that point it was too late and she had already given birth to a stillborn. Daemon retreats to the beach where he grieves alone. 
However whilst I can understand, kind of, him wanting war and staying away when Rhaenyra was in labour, what I can’t understand is that choke scene. I mean he just does it out of nowhere, he doesn't even seem that angry or anything, one minute they are having quite a calm conversation about the prophecy, the next he has grabbed her by the neck. There is also a moment where, and maybe I am reading it wrong, but it seems like the tension changes and it becomes sexually charged. Like there is a moment where he pulls her towards him and it looks like he is going to kiss her but then he pushes her away and it is as he is pushing her away that he seems angry, it reminded me of the scene in the brothel where he leaves her, its the same kind of energy. I managed to get some screenshots of the moment:
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I really do feel like there was originally more to this clip because something about it just seems off. Also him choking her was so out of character. I have seen some saying that it is in line with his character because he killed his first wife and beat up the messenger and has been violent before. However both those scenarios were completely different. Daemon hated his fist wife however he loves and cares for Rhaenyra. Yes Daemon has violent tendencies but the whole point of his character is that he is also someone who is fiercely protective of those few he does love, his family. He would never hurt his family and Rhaenyra in particular. What makes this scene more frustrating is that it comes not long after the scene where Daemon meets Otto on the bridge and Rhaenyra flies in on Syrax. The scene is such a good scene, I loved it, but it also directly parallels the bridge scene in ep 2 right down to Rhaenyra landing Syrax behind Otto and his men and then those men parting to let Rhaenyra pass. It is such a power move on Rhaenyra’s part because she literally lands behind enemy lines and then walks through them to stand by Daemon showing that she does not fear them. But the problem with it in connection with this scene between her and Daemon is that parallel to ep 2, in the ep 2 scene Rhaenyra gives Daemon the opportunity to do her harm, she challenges him if you want the throne so badly then kill me. In that scene it was established that whilst ambitious and quick to anger and violence Daemon would not hurt Rhaenyra. Having that bridge scene so close to this moment only highlights how out of character Daemon is being. 
To make the scene even more bizarre is Rhaenyra does not seem at all bothered by the fact that her husband has just choked her, she seems mildly surprised at best, she definitely didn’t seem scared of him and instead has a realisation that he was never told about the prophecy and seems to kind of mock him about it. She doesn’t confront him about his actions, she doesn't say how dare you put your hands on me, she doesn’t cry and say he’s hurt her, she has very little reaction to it at all, later in the episode they are even holding hands when Daemon comes to tell her about Lucerys’ death. I wasn’t shocked by the scene just because of how bizarre it was. I mean like I said, whilst they are disagreeing they are also talking calmly. Rhaenyra brings up the prophecy but because she thinks he already knows about it she is being pretty vague which adds to my confusion on Daemon’s actions and why I think there was more to the scene because Daemon still doesn’t know about the prophecy. All Rhaenyra says is ‘a song of ice and fire’ ‘the coming war against the darkness in the north, the conqueror’s dream’ Viserys shared it with me when he named me heir’ (side note its also weird how she refers to him as Viserys here and not my father) then he just suddenly grabs her by the throat, its just so weird, you’d think he’d have asked her more questions about the prophecy or something. Also like I said he just doesn’t seem that angry, a little irritated maybe but hardly filled with rage enough to act so violently towards her. Even when he has her by the throat he is speaking calmly so you have this really weird juxtaposition where he has his hand round her neck but they having a calm conversation, I really am confused about what the writers were trying to do here because it was just unnecessary. They could have had that conversation without him strangling her. I could also have understood it more if the conversation became more heated as the scene goes on and you can see the anger and frustration building on both sides and then Daemon snaps and grabs her but as I said they are just talking normally and then that happens.   
Another problem with how Daemon is written in this episode is that it is so vastly different to the last time we saw Daemon in ep 8. In that episode he is shown as an attentive husband who protects his family, he stands up for Rhaenyra and for his step sons and protects them from harm, he is very present with his family. So when you get to episode 10 which is only a day or two later in the show timeline and he is a drastically different person it sort of gives you whiplash. Like I get that he has just lost his brother and grief can have a huge effect on a person and then he loses his child too but I still think its too fast, too rushed  and its too big of a change in one go. I do wonder if there is some disconnect in the writers room, they clearly have different opinions on Daemon’s character as we saw from Hess’ comments, maybe this is causing some inconsistences with how they are writing for him. 
Despite the odd character choices when it comes to Daemon there were some great moments in this episode and I think one of my favourites is Rhaenyra’s coronation scene. I loved seeing Erryk presenting the crown and swearing fealty to Rhaenyra, I loved Daemon being the one to crown Rhaenyra and then kneeling before her calling her his queen and how everyone else (bar Rhaenys) also takes the knee, the scenery is amazing too, it’s just a very powerful scene. I love the parallel of Daemon placing the Crown on Rhaenyra’s head with how he did the same for Viserys in ep 8, I got emotional seeing Rhaenyra in her father’s crown. I also liked how you have Rhaenyra in her crown at one end, everyone kneeling in between and then Rhaenys, the Queen who should have been, standing and raised on a platform on the other end, it was cool imagery. 
The ending absolutely devastated me, I love Lucerys and he is so young, they do confirm in this episode that he is 14 so I am not sure why Condal was saying that they were all between 17-21 because that is clearly not the case as per the dialogue in this episode, so it was so heartbreaking to see him die. However the way it happens is another case of I get what the writers were going for here but there was still an issue. I understand that them losing control of their dragons is suppose to play into what Viserys says in ep 2 that dragons were a power men should never have trifled with, this idea that they are dangerous and not something you truly can control. There was alot of focus on the connection between dragons and their riders in this episode with Daemon connecting with the dragon in the cave and how it shows you him in the dragon’s eye but also the dragon in Daemon’s eye showing that connection between them. Also how Syrax reacts to Rhaenyra’s pain when she is in labour. So it does create some confusion when you then see Aemond and Luke lose control of their dragons. I mean I am assuming part of it is because the dragons were sensing their riders’ emotions and reacting to them, for example Arrax was likely feeling Lucerys’ fear and Vhagar is feeling Aemond’s anger. On top of that the dragons are animals with their own instincts so when Arrax is feeling Lucerys fear and then sees a giant ass dragon chasing them their instinct is to blow fire at the threat. Vhagar after having fire blown at her and feeling Aemond’s anger and desire for vengence, her instinct is to destroy and kill the threat. It also creates some interesting complications for Aemond and it could be interesting to see how this effects him, he was clearly very disturbed by what happens and I feel like the guilt is going to be instrumental in developing his character as the series continues in Season 2. 
However it is a hell of a coincidence that they both lost control of their dragons at the same time. Also whilst I don’t think there wouldn’t have been an issue with this scene on its own, it is now part of a growing list of misunderstandings and mistakes. I mean maybe the should change the name of the show to ‘The Targaryens and A Series of Unfortunate Events’ instead. Alicent donning the green dress in ep 5 and the break down of her friendship with Rhaenyra happens because Cole mistakes Alicent talking about Daemon and Rhaenyra with what happened between him and her leading to him confessing, Alicent accidently brings about the deaths of Harwin and Lyonel when she makes a passing comment to Larys, Alicent misinterprets Viserys last words and puts Aegon on the throne, Cole accidently kills Beesbury, Rhaenyra accidently tells Daemon about the prophecy thinking he already knew it and now Aemond has accidently killed Lucerys because they lost control of their dragons. The problem is all of these accidents and miscommunications are robbing the characters of any agency. It seems like the writers are trying too hard to stay neutral and have it be that these characters aren’t bad they are just slaves to unfortunate events and coincidences happening around them. And the problem with that is it is boring, I want to see my characters actually making decisions and choices and that leading to the events of the dance not oh its just tragic happenstance, one or two ironic occurrences or misunderstandings is fine but its getting a bit unbelievable now. Whilst they are trying to take the blame from most of the characters there are a couple that are exempt from this and that is Otto and Daemon who seem to be the only ones actually making decisions but only when it is bad or violent ones. They seem to want to paint both these characters as being the evil one on each team. It nobody else's fault its these two manipulating everything. But again this is a problem. I don’t know how nuanced Otto is in the books but I do know from comments from GRRM and Matt smith made during the promotion of the show, and from a book quote I saw going around that Daemon is supposed to be a very complex character that is in equal parts light and dark, yet they seem to only be focussing on the dark. So if they aren’t taking the characters’ agency they are taking away any nuance the characters have. The thing is this has only really been a problem in the latter half of the season and its got progressively worse as its gone along. I don’t know if its to do with what writers were writing what episodes like whether a different set of writers were involved in the second half that weren’t in the first but either way it is frustrating at this point.  
There is alot more to discuss about this episode but I am going to wait until the official episode releases before I write a proper full review. As I said I am convinced that there is at least 6-7 mins of footage missing from the episode, why whoever leaked it cut it out I don’t know or maybe they weren’t given access to the full episode who knows but until I see the official episode I am going to wait before making a full review/analysis post.    
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nicolefirekitty · 8 months
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Shared a thing I'm writing with my friends and it sparked some what if thoughts of "What if there was some being that actively hunted the Links? And was very capable of killing them?" and I suggested the Fierce Deity. This resulted in me having to explain what that is and realizing that there's not actually much lore for it, excluding the manga, so now for me the idea has spiraled into this.
Basically, now what if even after the war with the gods, demons still remained in hiding, waiting for their King to return from his seal. But now that Demise has been killed, they've become susceptible to normal weapons and not just to holy power and the Master Sword. Even then, their rage drives them out of hiding to kill the ones responsible, which in their eyes, is literally any living thing they come across.
Enter Oni, the self proclaimed Demon Prince; no other demon's been strong enough to dispute this. He emerges from the volcano and has been on a destructive path towards the Hylia Statue, where Demise had been sealed and where a small settlement has been trying to grow. Link and Zelda hear rumors of Oni approaching and go to confront him, the only ones strong enough to fight him.
A brief excerpt of what it might be like, plus a vagueish description of Oni:
'There had been rumors of a pale white monster covered in strange patterns with long hair like a mane, along with massive horns and fangs. But standing there, with its back turned to them, the Demon was much more humanoid than Link was expecting. A familiar shape. Its voice was grating as it turned to face them, "You are the ones who slayed our King? Left us vulnerable to your pathetic mortal weapons?" its blood red eyes narrowed, in stark contrast to the rest of its body.'
(not said there but the horns are the colors of fierce deity's sword because oni rips them out of his head to create it. then when he's done shoves them back in :])
Somehow they defeat him(after he monologues of course), but after the burst of light fades where Oni died, was an unconscious kid. Basically a smaller, like 10 years old small, and more human looking version of Oni. Pale skin and pure white hair, the strange designs on him are still there but not as many as before, and metal-like nubs where the horns were. He's basically naked because Oni was wearing those like big weird samurai pants I don't know how to describe uh if you know Terra from Kingdom Hearts yeah those.
Anyways, Link and Zelda are VERY confused at a child resembling the demon they just killed appearing out of supposedly nowhere. But they're nice enough to go over and pick him up off the hard ground, wrapping him in the sailcloth Link carries with him all the time. The motion wakes the kid up though, and at the sight of the two he immediately imprints on them like a baby bird. Yeah they're now accidentally parents to this demon child yay. Luckily the kid has no memory of being a demon, only knowing his name is Oni.
There's more I could talk about but that would end up as me rambling just some random ideas.
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mejomonster · 9 months
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I am (trying to get) in a reading mood lately. Hoping to finally finish Silent Readings last bits. So like as you all know I wrote gratuitous meta and liveblogging on other chapters?
Yeah I expect unless my brain is so fried I'm gone past words cause the story completely consumed my ability to word things for a while, I'll make at least a bit of a post when I finish it. (Though I can already say GO READ SILENT READING BY PRIEST TRANSLATED BY EDANGLARTRANSLATIONS if you like the kind of stuff I like like queer men solving murders and stories about the corruption of government and justice and how evil rich ppl can be and healing from trauma both from a mature perspective and a more young ignoring-its-there not-even-fully-aware yet of its scope Perspective. Also daddy kink out the wazoo but in like the most nurturing ass way you ever did see and absolutely opposed to the leads actual daddy issues of "my dad's pure evil" Compared to "I'm dating an older man who loves me Actually Unconditionally (and also I love being babied and scolded and treated like a normal person by him)" (which? As an aside it is SO interesting to me how Luo Wenzhou loves unconditionally... in reality, most romantic love would be slightly conditional in that like it's normal and healthy to leave someone who say hits or steals all your money or threatens your family etc. But when you love say your child? Especially the younger they are, that's really the closest humans tend to get to unconditional love. Someone has to love and care for a child to keep it alive and healthy, even if the child hits or steals or threatens. While yes in extremes children may get taken away from a parent or a parent needs help at that point, and the child may end up somewhere where no one loves them. There's more of an instinct to generally love one's child closer to unconditionally. If a romantic partner yells at me or hits me? They're gone, they're cut out of my life. If my 8 year old niece yells at me and punches me? I get over it because I love her and it's my job to help keep her alive and see her doing okay. So like... in Silent Reading, it's fascinating that Luo Wenzhou starts the novel in the stance that Fei Du is more or less his adopted kid in terms of unconditional love, in terms of "I'll protect you and help you grow up into a good man, try to protect you from more trauma and help you cope with what you've got, endure the lashing out and try to help correct it so you don't act like that as an adult" in a way that like... if they were 2 teen boyfriends or 2 adult boyFriends the best move would probably just be to cut Fei Du OUT. But to Luo Wenzhou at the start, Fei Du is his responsibility like a kid would be, and that's not someone you cut out as an equal attacking you as quickly. Then as their relationship evolves, Luo DOES have to realize he does need to not be with Fei Du romantically if fei du can't treat him like an equal in that. Because that is different than a parent and child. An equal romantic partner needs to be honest back, needs to not lash out and expect unconditional forgiveness, needs to put in equal effort to build mutual respect - and oh man even then Luo Wenzhous more than willing to walk them through the process and lead in what to do next. But it's just mm. Just so fascinating seeing them both fall back on this chosen family sort of bond as a safety net, their safe place and a kind of unconditional love Fei Du got NOWHERE else in life, mixed with as they grow together this equal partnership both in work and romance where they feel More vulnerable and uncertain and like it's less of a guarantee they'll get to keep that old love and security the more they try to be truly equal. Idk I could write... a mountain on this... just like, for me, it's the most fascinating use of daddy kink lmao and age difference and past issues and stuff to tell stories about characters that I've seen)
Wooh! Anyway. Back to my point! So after I finish Silent Reading I'll probably post a few more rants lol. Also though, expect it probably for the next priest novel I start. Which I haven't fully decided on yet.
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teagrl · 1 year
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Andor 10
Amazing to have a show to love every week.
Prison break! Prison break! That whole sequence was truly amazing. I enjoyed it so much more than Aldani, mainly because of Kino. You couldn’t take your eyes off him. 
Throughout I kept thinking about how good Cassian is at being a second (the King’s/Queen’s Knight! A figure I love). He knows he doesn’t have the leadership to move masses of people. He is intelligent enough to recognize that his talents are to set up the conditions to make a ploy work. He’s ruthless and observant and cunning. I appreciate that so much, since we get so much emphasis on “leaders” and “heroes” elsewhere. Cassian is a hero, don’t get me wrong, but he’s a hero like Luthen is a hero. His heroism is about working behind the scenes, he wouldn’t be the kind of hero to be lionized and fawned over (and that is even beside the issue of his beginnings not being innocent). I think about Kino’s heroism too, he gets everyone out (I LOVED the bit where he asks the prisoners to help each other!), but then he can’t swim and he knows it throughout which makes that part when we, the audience, find out incredibly wrenching.
Nowhere is it as obvious that this show is deconstructing heroism as it is in the Mon Mothma bits. You see her shocked at Luthen’s plan, but now you see her walking into something that’s worse, because it’s *personal*. Mon’s built her standing on her principles, but principles aren’t enough anymore. She’s being pushed to open her home to this dude she views as a thug so he can launder her Rebellion money. And it’s obvious from what I reblogged, but what struck me about the whole thing is that Mon’s nightmare scenario is not about being forced to present her daughter for a child marriage. It’s that Leida has already grown away from Mon and she’d be open to influences that Mon disparages simply because it would revolt Mon. That banker dude WOULD just have to introduce his son and Mon’s reaction would be enough to make Leida intrigued. In itself, that’s dangerous -- all the more coupled with Perrin who the banker also mentions. It’s all so fraught and fascinating. I wonder how she’s going to maneuver there.
And! Lonnie. If Mon’s segment shows the way even Rebellion royalty have to compromise (haha here I think about that legendary dirty liberal thread), the bit with Luthen and Lonnie shows how the Rebellion have ALWAYS been a bare knuckle fighters. We forget that sometimes because in the OT there’s no space for quagmires of that sort. I kind of wanted that way back when the trailers of Rogue One started coming out and Jynn Erso was depicted in her Imperial get up with Saw yelling, “what will you become.” In Legends we see quite a bit of Imperial spies *ahem*, but I think Rebel spies with the texture we saw today with Lonnie are quite rare. Living a full double life? HATING the Empire but then actively doing its bidding, ie the killings, the torture, etc just to find the most vulnerable spot to stick a knife in? And this is without counting the situation he meets Luthen over, how he has to take the info of Rebels marching into their deaths in stride and sleep knowing it, because that’s what it takes to keep operating one step ahead. They die so he can keep betraying the Empire. So brutal. I love it.
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adamwatchesmovies · 3 months
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In My Mother's Skin (2023)
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The film everyone will compare In My Mother’s Skin to is Guillermo Del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth. From the child protagonist to the wartime setting, the fairytale characters that turn out to be more sinister than at first glance, the sick mother a young girl has to care for, they have A LOT in common in content and tone. That’s pretty good company to keep.
In 1945, in the Philippines, World War II is coming to an end. The occupying Japanese soldiers know it. Though many of their neighbors haven’t been as lucky, Aldo (Arnold Reyes), his wife (Beauty Gonzalez) and their two children, Tala (Felicity Kyle Napuli) and Bayani (James Mavie Estrella) have managed to remain relatively unscathed through the conflict. As the soldiers become more nervous, the rumours that Aldo’s home contains a stash of stolen gold forces him to leave the family behind. When her mother suddenly becomes ill, Tala must take care of her. In the nearby forest, the young girl meets a fairy, who promises to help.
Though it’s being distributed by Amazon, this is a Filipino film. The folklore it's portraying will feel new to most viewers. The fairy, for instance, isn’t tiny and winged. She’s a full-grown woman wearing an elaborate dress and head piece covered in glittering jewels that evokes insect wings. Though that description doesn’t match what you had in mind when you read the synopsis, you immediately recognize her as a magical creature and Jasmine Curtis-Smith’s performance lets you know right away she’s not to be trusted. Tala knows this. Unfortunately, she has no choice but to accept the creature's help. Laura's mother is sure to die if nothing changes. Things going horribly if Tala accepts the fairy's offer is not necessarily a guarantee. Her father is gone. Tala is certain he'll return soon. You’re not so sure. There’s the housekeeper (Angeli Bayani) there to help, but a part of you wonders if she’s really committed to the family, or if she’s been sticking around because there’s nowhere else to go. Maybe she's hoping to get wind of that rumoured gold. The young girl truly feels alone.
This is a harsh film that doesn’t hold back. Sympathetic characters suddenly become villains. Lives end violently and without warning. The people who aren’t desperate are too consumed by the thought of gold to pull back their punches - children or no children. It’s hard to tell who are worse: the people or the magical creatures with a taste for human flesh. At least the fairy lets you know right away she’s sinister. The betrayals in this story cut deep and everything feels even more impactful because the people in it are so vulnerable.
The one thing holding me back from giving In My Mother’s Skin a higher grade is its similarity to Pan’s Labyrinth. If someone told me they could only watch one, there's no contest. This also means the picture is not quite as memorable, unpredictable, or impactful as it could be. I’m not saying the two films are the same. You could definitely watch both in quick succession without feeling like you’re watching the same movie again. We haven’t seen so many of these grim fairy tale stories that there isn’t room for more - in fact, “In My Mother’s Skin” proves we should be getting them more frequently - but one is just better than the other. That's more of a praise for the Del Toro picture than a criticism for In My Mother's Skin - which leans more into the horror direction and showcases a lot of gore. It's an unsettling tale that showcases a unique folklore and some strong performances from the child actors. (November 30, 2023)
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i feel like people stop liking me when they get to know me
it really sucks, and i dont get whats so wrong about me. It feels like a weight on my chest, and its cold, and chilling and isolating. I can never guess what it is. in any situation im somehow the outsider. ive just come to accept it, and i have friends, but we are basically our only friends. and theyre across the country. when i get to know people at school it goes nowhere. I hate it, theres no real connections here, If i open up to someone, and i dont mean spill all my traumas or experiences or whatever, I just mean be like my old self, be like the “cainy” that my mom knows, i think they get distant. i asked one friend to hang out all the time and he always says no. I also tried to get to know a girl and got rejected before I even got the chance to ask her if she wanted to hang out. I try to laugh it off but that weight looms, waiting to press down on me once again. my mom said Im no longer her “cainy” i look like a grown ass man. I think im too sensitive, everything gets to me and everything i overthink. Why cant i still be your little boy? Do i look so different? Do you no longer see me the same? What would my dad say if he saw me? Does he look different too? 
Im scared to talk to my dad or see him in person, I think he has gray hair and seeing him older will make me cry, the thought of it makes me cry. And hes gonna die thinking i hate him but Im so mixed up in the head I just cant face things anymore things get too real. im too vulnerable and maybe thats why people dont like me, im so quiet i remember one time a girl caleld me “stand offish” but i was just walking down a hallway. 
Do i look so different to people? I was already unnoticed before so whats the difference? I dont want to be like some shut in incel wierdo I just feel so alone here, or anywhere. At dinner talking to my cousin i felt like i was talking to a stranger, i felt the same way with ym aunt. I adopt so many different identites or try to attach my self to things but im just me. I wish i could still be cainy or the energetic happy curious kid you remember that you even wrote a letter to me describing how ive changed and im no longer that kid. Do you also wonder what happened to me? do you blame yourself for it? do you think your a bad mother? Im crying as i write this. I love you, i love a lot of people, Im sorry i dont show it something is just wrong with me so deeply wrong, was i just bullied? was it because I got caled a deformed child and got my looks made fun of for years? did that change me or was it high school teachers kicking me out of their class becuase I was too stupid and putting me on suicide watch. Do you wish I was a different kid? sometimes I forget that I was a mistake, and you didnt mean to have me. Im sorry, im sorry that you couldnt be with that man that you would write letters in red ink to, that sounds like real love to me and i Robbed you of that. My existence robbed you of finding real love and im sorry, I am cain the murder the cursed doomed to walk alone. I cant pay any price higher than that so this is my repentance. Your not a bad mother, your going to grow old and get gray hair and die and I will be there i promise, but i still will wonder if I am a mistake to you, i remember one time you asked me why cant i be like lee, was that the son you wanted? im not angry as i write this, not in the slightest, i actually feel guilty. guilty that i cant be what you wanted, not the son or the type of son, i became a quiet loser and I wonder if you would be happier if you still got to write letters to that man you loved. I never feel angry at these things, i always put the guilt on me. 
I wish you couldve been happier, but I feel like your going to die feeling like this, and i wont get to change that because I cant. Dad will also die thinking i hate him, my life is so fucked up and I dont know how to change it. I cant change me. 
When that girl rejected me I listened to “Tonight, Tonight” on the way home. I opened the gate and checked the mail as the song hit its climax, and started shaking in tears, everything was too much then. But I wasn’t mad, I was just learning to deal with that as a person. I did like her but she was going to travel to paris and then the world, what could i give to someone like that? someone who has seen everything there is to have and would somehow choose me? It was impossible from the getgo, but for some ignorant reason I still wondered the possibility.
This is getting to long, im so goddamn wierd.
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thehealingplum · 3 years
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Even if you are one of these types of people... it doesn’t make you a bad person... You do have the ability to change. But you have to be the one to do it. Because your loved ones are 100% incapable of solving your problems for you.
Express the willingness to change. Put in the effort to change.
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opalesense · 3 years
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How would the genshin Bois, zhongli, childe, diluc and kaeya react to a fem traveller stuck in a wall after a harsh battle, they'll help her get out right?...right?
a sight to behold
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zhongli, childe, diluc, kaeya & f!reader (NSFW-ish)
1.9k words • ~13 min. read
warnings: just a lot of teasing & dirty thoughts
notes: i was practically rubbing my hands together with evil intentions when i saw this request but i’ll spare the graphic details for another time, otherwise this will be extremely long!! also i wrote them separately here BUT i wouldn’t be opposed if someone requested them to be grouped together instead... anyway, i hope you enjoy this!! >:)
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THE WIDELY FEARED PRIMO GEOVISHAP was certainly a sight to behold from above. You quickly understood why so many people often avoided interacting with this beast – it was intimidating even while it slept soundly, its loud snores echoing throughout the cavern despite being so far down. As you stood on the platform above its sleeping form, you studied its details, noticing the element it possessed and strategizing your combat plan quickly, thankful that you could manipulate an element that targetted its weakness. Once you made up your mind, you let out a huff as you took a leap of faith down, letting your glider save you at the last second before you could actually make contact with the ground.
 Your companion followed behind swiftly, the two of you moving gently around the walls of the cavern, careful not to wake the beast from its slumber. In a low whisper, you began to describe your strategy to your partner, but alas, the beast suddenly awoke and interrupted your planning with a ear splitting roar.
 Without a second thought, the two of you dashed to the creature, loosely following the details of the plan you had based on what you were able to say before you got interrupted. The battle was fine at first, but you soon realized how out of sync the two of you became as the fight progressed. Your elemental reactions were getting poorly timed, and it was difficult to keep an eye on each other’s movements with the beast constantly thrashing about and blocking communication.
 In normal circumstances, the two of you excelled in combat together without needing any other support. Maybe it was bad luck, or maybe you bit off more than you could chew this time, but you noticed you were getting knocked around easier than usual. Things were obviously not going your way and you had to think of a solution fast.
 But before you knew it, your distraction with your own thoughts got the best of you. One single swipe of the geovishap’s tail sent you flying across the cavern towards the opposite wall then tumbling on the ragged, rocky edges of floor, certainly leaving cuts and bruises for later. To make matters worse, one more aggressive roar from the beast shook the walls of cavern enough to send chunks of rock tumbling down towards your injured body. Unable to form coherent thoughts, you knew you didn’t have the strength to escape the avalanche. Instead, all you could do was lay there, helpless and bracing for impact, praying to the Archons that you can be saved.
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zhongli
 Zhongli made quick work of the beast, using his shield to deliver an extremely effective counter attack and finishing it once and for all. The creature wailed in pain in its dying moments before disintegrating into dust. He expected to see your face on the other side but alas, you were nowhere to be seen.
 “[Y/N]?” his face tensed as he tried to think of where you could have disappeared to. As his eyes darted around the cavern, he immediately noticed a tiny speck of color amongst the rocks on the wall that resembled your clothing. He quickly sprinted towards you, lifting some of the boulders off of you effortlessly using his geo manipulation.
 He began to subconsciously slow down once he saw the way you were displayed in front of him. Your legs were propped up slightly from the rocks underneath you that caved in from the impact. The way your hips curved up caused your skirt to fold back onto you, leaving you completely exposed under his gaze.
 Ungodly thoughts began to race across Zhongli’s mind. He couldn’t help but slowly undress you in his mind, thinking about all the things he could do to you in this moment of vulnerability.
You poor thing... If only we were not in such a potential dire circumstance of life or death, what would stop me from keeping these rocks on top of you, grabbing those hips, and pressing myself against you? It would be the perfect opportunity to keep you still while I have my way with you... Perhaps I should check to see if you’re okay first, and maybe I can trap you with these rocks myself instead. Certainly I could even lift you in a better position for a better fit...
“Stay with me, [Y/N],” Zhongli snapped out of his fantasy and continued to lift the boulders off of you, wondering if he should really go through with his urges. “You will be okay...”
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childe
 Childe had noticed you fly across the cavern in the corner of his eye, and watching you land on the floor at such a fierce impact only fueled him to keep fighting. In a fit of a rage and frustration, he summoned his dual blades and quickly turned the tides of the battle towards his favor. He didn’t even need to watch the beast die to know it was dead within seconds, and after his final blow he quickly dashed towards where you landed only to find out you had been crushed by more rocks.
 He let out another yell of frustration, grabbing the boulders one by one and pushing them off of you. “[Y/N]? Can you hear me?”
 “I’m fine, just get these off of me!” you managed to call out from underneath the pile. Relieved that you were alive and well, he managed to push most of the boulders off but hesitated once he got a good look at the way you were laid out in front of him.
 With your legs dangling off the edge of the pile, your ass was comedically exposed towards him, the rest of your upper half still trapped within the remains of the avalanche. Funnily enough, the hem of your skirt had even got trapped above your hips that you were completely exposed, causing Childe to grin evilly.
 “Well, well, well,” he slowly walked over to you and placed a gloved hand on your bare cheek, still slightly out of breath from the heavy lifting. He gave a gentle squeeze, eliciting a gasp from you. “Is this my reward for helping you? If so, I’ll gladly take it now...”
 “Did you forget that I’m stuck? What if I’m badly injured?!”
 “In that case, I’m sure I can make all the pain go away and replace it with pleasure instead,” he gave one final squeeze and chuckled before walking away to grab another boulder. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding... But once you’re out, don’t expect all this help to come for free, you know.”
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diluc
 Diluc watched you tumble across the floor with panicked eyes, immediately worrying about your safety but not letting that distract him from the task at hand. In the heat of the moment under the influence of rage and anxiety, he summoned his pyro manipulation to set his claymore ablaze and deliver multiple final blows to the creature, smashing its figure into bits. The beast cried in its final moments and when he was sure it was dead, he dropped his sword as he sprinted towards you.
 Pure panic settled in once he saw you had been crushed underneath the pile of rocks. He pushed himself to run faster, feeling tears form in the corners of his eyes but ignoring it. He didn’t want to lose you – not this easily.
 “[Y/N]!” he called out once he reached the site, “Can you hear me?”
 “I’m here, Diluc. I’m fine,” you reassured him. He deeply sighed in relief as he began to push the boulders off of you. Thank Barbatos you were alive and well! He shook the thought of you being fatally injured away from the forefront of his mind to focus on getting you out of this mess, using his strength to his advantage. But after a few rocks were pushed off of you, his eyes widened at the sight of you, a sight he will never forget.
 While your legs and upper body were still trapped underneath the pile, the first thing Diluc revealed was your ass, exposed by your skirt that was coincidentally trapped above your hips. Your thighs were pinned together, rubbing gently as you squirmed in the rubbish, trying to wiggle your way out. Or at least, he wanted to believe you were wiggling for the sole purpose of getting out, and not to tease him.
 With a nervous gulp, he averted his eyes away from you and resumed his work on the boulders. His mind couldn’t help but drift away into sinful corners, though. He envisioned the way he could firmly grab your thighs, pull down your underwear and...
 “Don’t scare me like that again,” he took a more lighthearted tone to cover up his urges, “I thought you were surely dead.”
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kaeya
 After briefly witnessing you get thrown across the cavern, Kaeya managed to finally stab the beast in such a precise weakness point, making it wail in pain until it slowly withered away in its dying moments. He took no time at all to rush over to you, sprinting faster once he saw that you had been crushed by an avalanche.
 “[Y/N], talk to me,” he subtly asked for reassurance that you were still alive as he began to analyze the situation and pinpoint exactly where you were in all this rubbish.
 “I’m okay,” you weakly muttered with a grin, glad that he had come to your rescue, “Just a little bruised, that’s all.”
 Following the trail of your voice, he put his mind to work. He started to strategically push certain rocks so that others would naturally fall off of you without him needing to lift too much. After awhile, he began to spot one of your arms, then your other arm, and with each rock tumbling down he soon revealed the full picture.
 Or at least, a fraction of the full picture.
 He was relieved to see that you had wrapped your arms around your head for protection before the crash, avoiding what would have been an extremely dangerous injury. With your entire body from the chest down still trapped, you felt the need to stretch out your arms in the newly freed space and take a deep breath, glad to finally have some fresh air. “Good morning,” you joked on your bed of rocks.
 Even though he certainly felt some relief, he couldn’t fight the urge to tease you as he cooed over the sight of you so helpless underneath him. With an evil smirk, he pulled out one of the rocks that was supporting your neck, leaving your head hanging off the edge and eliciting a gasp from you. Before you could protest, he propped himself up against the wall with one arm, his body hovering over you and his crotch just inches away from your face.
 “Look at that pretty mouth of yours... You tempt me even in the most dire situations, sweetheart,” he let his free hand run slender fingers across your scalp, slowly massaging you. “Now that I think about it, I do deserve a prize for saving you, don’t I?”
 “Quit running your mouth and just help me get out of here,” you scolded him jokingly. He laughed and shook his head dismissively as he walked away to get back to work, fighting that strong urge to use your throat in such a vulnerable state.
 “If you say so, sweetheart. Maybe some other time.”
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absolutelyfizzing · 3 years
Text
cruel and spiteful
anon - If you take requests, can I have Zuko X reader, where Zuko tells them about his scar?
description - zuko tells y/n how he got his scar. he also has a very important question to ask her. (established!zuko x reader)
warnings - fluff, some tears, description of violence and abuse (no more vivid than is in the show), no connection to the content after the original series, some kissing, zuko is aged up (probably 20-24 years old)
word count - 1700
a/n - I tried on this one but I make no promises that its good
MASTERLIST
You stayed in peaceful silence next to your boyfriend as you read and he worked. Your leg was draped over one of his so you could have some contact but not enough that either of you would get distracted. You often thought about how thankful you were that you could have moments like this. That you had been together long enough and were comfortable enough with each other that you could spend evenings like this.
Zuko fidgeted a bit in his place and you glanced over at him. He had bags under his eyes and they looked red. You knew that he had been overworking himself lately and not getting enough sleep. Many nights he would come to bed after you had fallen asleep and then leave before you woke up simply because there was so much for him to do. You also knew that you wanted to take care of him and to let him know that his mental well-being was just as important as getting his list of tasks done. At that thought, you closed your book and sat up a bit.
"Zuko?" you asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace in the room.
"Hm?" he hummed out but he did not look up from his work.
"Zuko, honey, you have to stop working for a minute." You tried to reason but he just huffed. You didn't say anything else but you slowly moved to take his things off of his lap, giving him time to finish reading the paragraph he was on. He let you slip the papers into your hands and you placed them on his nearby desk. You stood silently and grabbed his hand to pull him up.
He didn't complain or make any indication that he didn't want to get up as you led him to your shared bathroom. You had him brush his teeth and you pulled his hair into a bun for him before you both headed back to bed, this time in your pajamas and with the intent of going to sleep.
"Actually, can you mess with my hair?" he almost whispered. He requested you touch his hair every so often because he loved the feeling of your fingers carding through it.
"Of course, my love," you assured and he smiled at you.
You sat on the bed, your back against the headboard. He laid next to you so his head was on your lap and you were looking down at him. You began to brush through his hair with your fingers, running your nails along his scalp. His eyes closed at the feeling as he sighed. You could tell that the anxiety of the day was leaving him.
After you had been brushing through his hair for some time and his breathing had evened out, you moved to run your fingers over the lines of his face. You just assumed that he was asleep from how calm and still he seemed. Your fingers traced along his brow lines and his eyes. You moved them down towards the shape of his nose and then his jaw. When you moved back up his face, you traced along the edges of his scar. You never asked him about it and you didn't actually know how he got it. You were from the earth kingdom and had never heard any conversation around the palace about it so you assumed that he was in some sort of accident. You knew that he would eventually tell you how it happened if he wanted to. As you were lost in thought you hadn't even noticed that his eyes were open, gazing at you from your lap. When you accidentally met his gaze, you flinched, like you had been caught doing something wrong.
"You can touch it, it's okay." He whispered out to reassure you and you hesitated before tracing it again. "Have you already heard the story?" he questioned. He knew that you hadn't known much about him when you met and that stories around the palace had ceased, mostly because it was old news and he no longer seemed self-conscious about it.
You shook your head shyly.
"Do you want to?"
You made eye contact with him. "If you don't mind telling it." You tried to make sure that he knew he didn't have to. He smiled up at you and sat up from your lap. He moved so that he was sitting in front of you, legs crossed under him to match yours. His knees were touching yours and he pulled your hands onto his lap. He looked up into your eyes and felt anxiety despite your non-judgemental gaze. He paused for a moment.
"My father did it." He started, looking at your face as you gasped a bit but you tried not to react, wanting him to continue uninterrupted. "When I was younger, I think I was thirteen, I sat in on a war meeting with my father and his advisors." His gaze had drifted down towards where your fingers were tangled with his.
"I disagreed with something, I spoke up. One of the generals had recommended sacrificing men as bait for a trap and I felt like I had to say something. It was seen as an act of disrespect so my father told me I would be fighting in an agni kai to settle the matter."
You kept your gaze on his face. You had only seen one agni kai in your time in the fire nation and it was not something you wished to see again. You struggled to believe anyone would expect a thirteen-year-old to fight in such a match.
"When I showed up, I had assumed I would fight the general, that was who I disagreed with. Instead, my father stepped forward to fight me. I knew I couldn't have won but I also didn't want to fight him because he was my father and I didn't want to show him violence. I got on my knees and asked him to forgive me but he saw it as a sign of weakness."
Zuko took a deep breath. He hadn't had to tell this story in a while and remembering the traumatic fight made him feel emotional.
"He burned me for my vulnerability. I was then exiled by my father, my scar a brand to let the kingdom know of my shame, and he sent me on my impossible mission to find the avatar. To find Aang." He finished, looking up to your gaze again. He was a bit surprised to see tears streaming down your face and he immediately cooed at you, shushing you and wiping your tears away.
You let out a broken sob and he brought his hand to the back of your neck to pull you into him so your face rested against his shoulder. Your fingers moved so that they were latched onto his shirt. You cried quietly for a few minutes, Zuko's hand soothing you by rubbing along your back.
"I'm so sorry." You whispered out. Zuko didn't respond immediately, thinking about his answer. For a while he would have said 'it's okay or 'i had it coming' but he now knew that it wasn't true. That it was cruel and he shouldn't have had to go through that.
"I'm okay now." He decided on and you nodded against him. You sat up a bit and moved your hand to cup his jaw on the side of his scar, your thumb just barely grazing over the edge of it.
"You are beautiful." You breathed out and Zuko was surprised by your words but they almost brought tears to his eyes. "Your father was a cruel and spiteful man and for him to have taken his anger out on his own child when you were just a kid is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I am so proud of you for having become such an amazing man in spite of your cruel upbringing."
You wiped away the single tear that trailed down his face.
"Will you marry me?" He whispered out, surprising himself a bit. He had of course been planning on proposing to you but he had a plan set up months from now. It was elaborate and romantic but as he sat in front of you, he wanted to be able to say he was your husband as soon as possible. Your face cracked into a smile and you giggled a bit. Zuko wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life.
"Of course I will, Firelord Zuko." Your words reminded you of your future and your face paled a bit. Zuko was ecstatic that you said yes but worried as your face showed anxiety. "I'm going to be royalty." You choked out, your fear showing. You had, of course, hoped that you would be spending the rest of your life with Zuko, but you had never given your future rank much thought. Zuko let out a laugh at your realization.
"You already are." He added and you quirked your eyebrow in question. "You are the person I care for the most in the world, you are my closest advisor and you help me in all of my decisions, you are under my protection at all times. You are already queen in practice, just not in title. You will rule by my side as an equal as you already do. As you have done for the last 2 years."  
You smiled at his reassurance and leaned forward to pull him into a searing kiss. You hoped that he could feel all of the emotions you were trying to express through it. He hummed against your lips and brought his hand up to rest in your hair. When you both pulled away, out of breath, he leaned his forehead against yours.
"I love you." He mumbled out and you smiled.
"Nowhere near as much as I love you." you replied easily.
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kuroopaisen · 3 years
Text
brat || gojou satoru
➵ gojou wants you to pay attention to him. and no, he doesn’t care about how annoying he’s being. 
wc: 2k
warnings: gn!reader, gojou is Annoying, mild spoilers i guess? 
a/n: hi welcome to my gojou brainrot i would like to escape and yet i cannot,,, will i deliver more mindless fanfic? who knows! 
You sigh, turning the page of your book with an exhausted kind of resignation. Had you even comprehended what’s in the last paragraph? Or had you just let your eyes gloss over it, admiring the shape of the letters without actually taking any of them in?
Reading a book isn’t so difficult under normal circumstances; sure, you’ve got your own concentration to wrestle with, but that’s an (occasionally) tameable beast.
The man sprawled on the couch next to you, however, is not.
“Are you done yet?” Gojou hums, sticking his legs straight up in the air.
“I’ll be done sooner if you shut up,” you mumble, starting from the top of the page for what feels like the thirty-second time in the past five minutes.
Gojou’s not handling the boredom well. He’s spent the past five minutes cycling between humming Danse Macabre in an octave too high to be comfortable while swinging his legs in circles and poking your cheek as he crouches next to you on his knees.
“You’re the one who said I could come over,” he chirps, completely unfazed by your words.
“I never said that,” you mumble.
It’s not a lie. Earlier today, Gojou’d asked if you were going out tonight. You’d said no. He’d decided to take that as permission to crash at your place.
Although the onus is at least a little on you; he has a habit of doing things like this. You’ve got to be one step ahead of him if you want to win against him on a petty debate like that.
A head of white hair wriggles its way onto your lap.
“Satoru?”
“Hm?”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m bored,” he hums.
That much is obvious. But you know it’s not that simple; he’s bored, yes, but more importantly, he wants your attention. Even your chest flutters at that.
“You’re a grown man,” you smile. “Entertain yourself.”
A well-worn coquettish smile plays on his lips. “I can’t tell if you’re being lewd or not.”
You slap his chest.
“Ow!” He gasps, placing a hand over his heart. “I can’t believe you’d be so cruel to me!”
“Then stop being annoying.”
“I’d like to think I’m ‘charmingly playful’.”
“Do you take constructive criticism?” You tilt your head at him, biting back a smile.
“I would,” he muses, “if I weren’t already perfect.”
“That ego of yours is going to get you into serious trouble one day,” you grin, flicking his forehead gently.
He lets you, grinning back. “Ah, but you see, my dear,” he hums, grabbing your hand before you draw it away and lacing your fingers with his. It’s a bit of an awkward angle, but you don’t mind.
“I’m simply stating the truth.”
“Well, the truth hurts,” you mutter, “so it’s no surprise no-one wants to hear you gassing yourself up.”
Gojou laughs. His hair tickles your inner thighs and you’re almost convinced to give in. But it wouldn’t be good form to feed his ego after chiding him for it.
You’re well-aware his ego’s already gotten him in trouble – many times, in fact. But Gojou seems to have a way of wheedling his way out of anything.
And, of course, you know that his ego doesn’t come from nowhere.
Doesn’t stop it from being annoying, though. The fact it’s at least partially well-founded makes it worse.
You take a deep breath, turning your attention back to this blasted book. Gojou will just have to wait.
“Why are you even reading that brick?” He muses, tapping the bottom of the book’s spine with one long finger. “You look bored out of your mind. And, you’ve been on the same page for the past five minutes.”
“You know,” you tilt your head to the side, a sour look on your face. “‘Adult stuff.’ Upskilling and all that.”
“Ah,” Gojou grins. “Career work.”
“Mhm,” you sigh. “And some of us can’t just learn on the job.”
Although, you ponder, the thought blurred with gentle melancholy, some of us aren’t constantly risking our lives.
Gojou always tells you not to worry; he’s the strongest jujutsu sorcerer there is, after all. But even that’s not enough to lull you into an uneasy sleep, to bring you warmth when your bed is cold.
You’re never truly at ease until you feel him slip into your bed in the early hours of the morning, his arms slinking around your waist and pulling you towards him. It’s like clockwork how he buries his head in your shoulder as every muscle in his body relaxes. He always thinks you’re asleep – and honestly, it’s easier to let him keep believing that.
What you’ve got isn’t exactly a ‘relationship’. At least, not in the most traditional sense of the word. Gojou’s never pretended to offer you that. But it’s not so simple as a ‘friends-with-benefits’ arrangement.
Gojou Satoru doesn’t suit the domestic. But he relishes in it, the same way a child might enjoy playing at high tea with little plastic teacups and cupcakes made of playdough. Some might find this frustrating – the idea of existing in this grey, a dark, nebulous unknown stippled with moments of affection and vulnerability.
But there’s still comfort in it; a sense of understanding, a place to let loose and relax. Being part of this world is hard. It’s so cruel – sending children out to fight things they barely comprehend, letting them suffer and even die. And what do they have to show for it? A future of doing the same thing while also having to navigate just how shit the world of sorcerers truly is?
Why aren’t more of your colleagues angry about this? One counsellor isn’t enough to maintain the wellbeing of these children. Do the higher-ups even care? Well, you know the answer to that question – it’s enough to make you want to throttle each and every one of them—
“Hey.”
You clatter back to earth, met by a pair of electric blue eyes. It’s easy to forget just how striking they are; it’s like they can stare right into your very core, laying out secrets you never even knew you had.
“Hm?” You blink at him. You can’t risk him knowing you’re worried. He doesn’t stand for that sort of thing; he’ll just tease you for being concerned about him. Though, you’re well-aware that he enjoys being doted on.
“You’re spacing out,” he smiles. “Again.”
Sure, he sounds like he’s joking. But even he can’t disguise that little flash in his eyes, the slight tension in his face. It’s the same expression he has when he talks about that new student of his.
Gojou understands you better than you’d like. Every little tell, every tiny hint towards what you’re actually thinking. It’s near impossible to hide anything from him; it’s irritating, really.
But, at least he’s got the decency to leave the direction of the conversation in your hands.
You weigh it for a moment, deciding how exactly to respond. Should you play it off and throw his brattiness back in his face? Or should you pry open that conversation like the doors of an old temple?
Today’s not the day. Neither of you are ready for that.
You stick your tongue out at him. Perhaps it’s not how an adult should behave, but you don’t care. Neither does Gojou.
“I think,” he sighs, plucking the book out of your hands and tossing it across the room, “it’s time you took a break.”
You yelp a moment too late, watching your book slap against the wall and flop to the floor. It’s only a paperback – thank God – but you’re not ready to fix another dent in the wall caused by the force of mayhem known as Gojou Satoru.
“And I have been waiting long enough,” he grins, wrapping his arms around your neck and launching forward.
“Satoru—”
It’s too late. He’s got you pinned beneath him – and not in a sexy way. All six feet and three inches of him is laid flat on top of you, your face smothered by his chest.
You punch his side weakly.
“You’ll have to do better than that,” he laughs.
“Fine,” you try to say. All you get is a mouthful of Gojou’s shirt. You slip your hands up said shirt and tickle his sides.
“Hey, hey, hey—” He splutters, grabbing at your wrists.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” You smirk, continuing your assault.
Gojou whines, propping himself up by his palms and arching his back like a cat in an attempt to shake you off.
“Get back here,” you grin, lifting your torso in response.
His arms are immediately wrapped around you, pinning your own arms to your sides. You yelp in surprise, finding yourself laid gently against the couch with your face pressed against his neck.
“Much better,” Gojou chuckles, still on top of you as he nestles his head into your shoulder.
It’s not the most comfortable position, but that’s rarely a priority when it comes to Gojou. You wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t just his way of goading you into relocating to your bed for ease of cuddling (although you have your doubts that it’s the only thing on his mind).
“You want attention that bad, huh?” You chuckle, pressing a gentle kiss to his neck.
“Mhm,” he smirks, bringing his head up to get a proper look at you. “I’m a busy man, you know. I don’t think you’re appreciating my free time enough.”
“And yet, you never seem to leave my damn house,” you muse. “I’m starting to think you don’t actually have a job.”
Gojou laughs, leaning down and kissing you properly.
“That’s not an answer,” you say against his lips.
He ignores you, taking the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.
You sigh, conceding. His lips are so soft yet so persistent, somehow both desperate and playful. He’s aggravatingly good at this sort of thing – before Gojou, you didn’t really understand what it meant to be a ‘good kisser’. But of course, he manages to excel at this, too. And annoyingly enough, he’d been right to brag about it.  
He brings one hand up to cup your cheek and moves another down to your waist. It’s a surprisingly chaste move for him, but you don’t mind. You tangle your own hands in his hair, resisting the urge to tug it. If you do that, you’ll officially lose any chance of getting more reading done tonight. Although your ability to focus on anything other than him is waning quickly.
When Gojou pulls back, he’s got that look in his eyes. The one that always makes your cheeks flush, makes your heart feel a little lighter. The one that almost makes you say something stupid.
Thank God you always have your wits about you.
“You get five minutes,” you sigh. “And then you’ve got to let me finish the chapter I’m on, okay? Then I’m all yours.”
Gojou’s grin blossoms with delight.
He slots himself beneath your chin and rests his cheek against your chest. A hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to him.
You smile, propping your chin on the top of his head and wrapping your arms around him.
Despite all his big talk, his irksome demeanour, even his obnoxious height, Gojou Satoru loves to be held.
You always oblige. He never asks – that’s too close to admitting weakness.
But you understand. He needs this. Sometimes he just wants to be tended to.
Being let in like this is an honour. He’s letting you be part of his life, despite his grand plans. Plans that, when he’d told you them, shifted your whole understanding of him.
Gojou represents change.
You have to have faith in him. You have to believe he’ll make good on his promises and turn the sorcerer world on its head. It’s no easy burden; and despite what he claims, even he falters in the face of something so monumental.
But despite all that, he’s still him. He hasn’t let the weight of his goals crush him; at least, not entirely. He finds the little joys, indulges in mundane delights, sees the humour in things.
Gojou Satoru wants to change the world, but he still lets himself be a part of it.
Perhaps that’s why it’s so easy to love him.
Even if he can’t offer the stability and promise of a stable relationship.
Even if he’s a little brat.
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