#its science or something IM SURE

[llatimeria]

has the stream not started for anyone else i'm confused

edit: OK GOOD ITS NOT JUST ME ITS JUST DELAYED... TAKE YOUR TIME WAYNRE U CAN STREAM WHEN U FEEL LIKE IT

#hlvrai #hl2vrai #I KEEP BEIING SCARED THAT ITS THE WRONG PLACE OR TIME... BUT ITS... ALL CORRECT IM PRETTY SURE??? #knowing im not just. fucking up is making me less nervous. i very rarely watch streams. Live. so I got worried I was doing something wrong #I BELIEVE IN YOU SCIENCE TEAM... GOOD LUCK...

[katagawajr]

ntftbl ep. 4 spoilers//

props to gearbox for being so genuinely lazy that they reused the literal katagawa jr. model (with barcode tattoo/zer0 suit/echo eye + everything) for his father, and literally just slapped a beard on him with a few wrinkles……

especially considering the recap art clearly shows that they imagine him looking QUITE different? 💀 how embarrassing like that is not the same man

#ntftbl spoilers #borderlands #ntftbl #katagawa jr #katagawa sr #its actually laughably funny to me sorry LOL they dont care abt the katagawas at all my god #is kat a science tube tank baby or what like is kat sr cloning his kids 💀💀💀💀💀💀 #i. dont know LMAOOO- im so glad he didnt talk i was praying he wouldnt open his mouth #its the only maliwan content we get in the game which is surprising i thought fran or rhys would you know.. say SOMETHING but sure #also lets not mention athena being there as a ceo apparently cuz ??????

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand. #which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing. #the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

[z00r0p4]

when a potentially quality-of-life-improving medication isn't covered by ur insurance and you want to find every big pharma and health insurance ceo and ship them off in.... some sort of a craft... that absolutely has not been certified by any regulatory body.

#I don’t need internet hacks for this its more affordable than it could be #and its from a specific type of pharmacy so its not just a matter of using coupons bc they have to do some science to get it to me #but im still mad #like hello yes i already pay in: the mental and emotional and physical toll this condition takes on me so like #maybe just cover the damn thing for me because this is a chronic condition that will never heal and probably never improve WITHOUT some #sort of intervention #like its what i deserve at the very least #im already not able to live off my own labors and im already a burden to my parents but sure #make me feel guilty for one more thing #I know its not the worst thing fr like i could be paying 238928398293 dollars for insulin or something so im glad its well below 100$ #but it just. INFURIATES ME. OKAY? #rant over

[iambicpentagram]

Every once and a while the concept of language just messes me up. Like a few minutes ago my coworker turned to me and asked me how to say the name of our planet in English. And even though we've helped each other out with words in both our languages (Spanish and English) before, that one in particular hit me like a bucket of warm water. Like as he repeated it, struggling over the sounds I was just reminded that that's what language is. We can live in the exact same world, on the same planet, but it can be two different things to us, down to the name of the world we live on! These things are just so insane to me actually. One of the many reasons why I love languages I suppose <3

#also DONT hit me with the 'swishy doesnt know how languages work' bs bc i get the CONCEPT im like 60% bilingual guys. but its the EMOTION #THE FEELING in regards to that one particular word. like i know the name of the planet in 2 (.5?) languages not counting english plus can #likely recognize a couple more of the latinate ones but its like the emotion of 'hey all of this stuff is made up actually' and that i can #say the word earth and people can not know what that is #BUT ALSO AT THE SAME TIME its the realization that when i say tierra it doesnt mean the same thing as earth to me. like its missing #something because when i say it its so clinical i guess? or like emotionally im not including myself in it. because like earth/tierra as in #the ground like sure. as the planet also sure! but when i say el planeta tierra in my mind i just visualize like 3rd grade science class #like space but NO! thats home!!!! thats me!!!! cuando digo 'todas las personas de la Tierra' estoy una de las personas! estoy aquí! #y a jamas tengo eso sentido de la Tierra como una comunidad... como el mundo no como un planeta en el espacio pero como mi hogar #idk idk idk idk. i love words and also language and also people. if you even get what i mean #blah

[bunnyb34r]

Really wish this brain fog would pass bc I have a shitload of posts in my drafts i saved bc i wanted to read them but my brain said no. And it's tax season so I'm getting important papers in the mail and I cant fucking read them. Well I can read them but it's just words. Nothing is connecting up there. Thank god mom is here to help read that shit and translate but fuck do I hate this shit

Why can't my brain fucking WORK

#it feels like when i kept getting concussions in 9th grade (had 4) and i couldnt fucking focus and my reaction time dropped significantly #like we were doing a basic reaction time experiment in science and i said oh lets not use mine when we submit it (group of 3 pick best #result) and my friends were like pfft whatever go. and i did and they got real quiet and were like oh... #bc they didnt realize i was concussed concussed like bitch my ability to vaguely see in the dark is GONE i cannot see my rt is SLOWED #my brain cannot WORK RIGHT #it's recovered since then (yay neuroplasticity) but i still have bad brain fog from fibro and it's like god at least when I was concussed i #could easily be like listen i had 4 concussions i need help. no problem. but with brain fog it feels like give me a min im stupid today #i hate it!! i hate feeling broken i hate feeling like my brain is half working! it sucks!! #i got insurance shit the other day and had to ask my mom to make sure it was just a basic 'yeah youre covered heres more access' and not #something i needed to act on and it was so frustrating #marquilla #and whats worse is sometimes ill be talking or typing and think im making sense and then ill look back at it later or someone will ask me ab #it and its like oh... im sorry my brain is not working atm and i cannot get out what im trying to and what is getting out is jumbled #the absolute worst is when it hits when im driving and it's like hey you're 2 hours away from home snd now LOST get home bitch :) #luckily it only happened when i was 40 min from home and in a familiar enough area but my brain couldnt find the right 'path' #sucked but i actually knew i was actually on the right path when i saw this house with a lesbian flag sgsgdgdgdgdgdgd like oh! here!!

[cupuasu]

was looking at the school systems in latin america and i think our ministries of education should come together n decide some sort of standard fr bc what a mess

#if they could come together to make our car plate look the same ugly ass shit they should come together to do something useful as well #they should copy paste whatever finland is smoking for basic school n then steal whatever cuba is doing in high education #me personally if i could choose i'd divide the basic years in 4 phases #first (til 4yo) second (til 8yo) third (til 12yo) fourth (16yo) #which is similar to what we have but its divided evenly now. also they should make the school hours shorter #no fucking person should be sitting in a chair for over 6h #three months of vacation is a perfect number to be honest (december january july) #oh n we should actually have decent extracurricular activities OR we should b able 2 choose the classes we need #sure make a standard curriculum for ppl who dont know what theyre doing w their life but also let the rest of us bitches choose #i DID NOT need that many chemistry or biology classes. i was not interested then and im not interested now #and also that insane amount of math classes was unnecessary too. even if i use math in uni now #a perfect curriculum for me would be 25% language 25% history + geography 25% math 10% art or PE 5% sciences #these bitches had me doing 40% math 40% portuguese 20% all sciences + random philosophy #oh n while i think a test to get into university is good it should not be like a straight line bc every student is different #for example when i did ENEM the first time i was baffled on how insane the math and sciences part were #(i love the language history and geography part tho) like i think we should also be able to choose that #like when we sign up we say what uni and course we wanna take and then do a test that has nothing to do with it #we should be able to get a personalized test from the already existing database. for example #if im going to do architecture then my test needs more math physics and history. but not as much language geography and fuckass chemistry #even though i LOVE language and geography #wait this rant went too personal already. anyway change the schooling system #and also fix the way teachers are being taught to teach and also pay them better and fund better infrastructure #cos literally til when are politicians gonna put the tax money up their ass? girl you cant even give 30% to education? kill yourself <3 #the way latin america will be stuck in the lower top 50 in education for the next decades is crazy

[corvidcall]

uh oh i did it again! (longingly looked at course requirements for interesting degrees from the university near me even though i cant imagine ill ever be able to afford to go back to school for a bachelors degree)

#anime life #even if i did go back to school #i would probably try to get a degree in something that would get me a job #(probably accounting or actuarial science) #(im pretty good at math and i love spreadsheets) #but like. what i love is history and literature #and religious studies. and foreign languages #but i cant imagine i would be able to find any work in any of those fields #and i dont think id be good at teaching #and im not good at articulating myself or coming up with ideas for. Anything. #so i dont think id be cut out for academia or TESL #whenever i get really depressed about it im like. fuck it im becoming a nun #(im not. i dont think theyd appreciate the fact that ive got Genders and im mostly an atheist) #(who just really likes the aesthetics and trappings of Catholicism as well as its tie to my irish heritage) #what a world we live in. i cant afford to quit my job that doesnt pay me that well #and i cant afford to go back to school to get the thing that would maybe get me a better paying job #and even if i could i cant even be sure that i wont just end up at this exact same job i have right now #fuck. remember when i had dreams. remember when i had ambitions #remember pre pandemic when i had a career i was proud of #what a fucking joke #anyway #sorry about this post! its bad. #and kind of pathetic #ill complain about other weirder things in a minute im sure #OH for people who dont know the corv lore: i have an associates degree in sign language interpreting #but i cant do it anymore bc of the way things spiraled at the beginning of the pandemic #and also i fucking hated being self employed

[koipalm]

have had such an agonizing day and was trying so hard to verbalize how hard its been and after a few failed drafts i ended up seeing this image which for some reason actually helped make me feel better

#txt #i have laughed at posts like these before and have never gotten it until now #because usually things just didnt immediately cheer me up but like #somehow this one did. somehow #god like maybe . god just maybe. we CAN make it #im not even sure why but like something about the idea of a giant isopod being able to love #gave me some hope for this life #like. of all creatures #i have heard before that reptiles dont have the capacity for love #and it made me really sad and i kind of doubted it #it made me feel like science would definitely say these guys could not feel love #AND IT FEELS SO STUPID TO SAY HAHA #but like. what if despite all odds giant isopods COULD feel love. what if they loved anyway despite it #like obviously its dumb and corny but HAHA #FOR SOME REASON. IT REALLY DID MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

[butch-bakugo]

Tbh i cant wait for elections to be over so i can get a youtube ad that isnt election based. Im so tired of bs smear campaigns and endless ads defending pieces of shit.

The fact pa may about to have fucking DOCTOR OZ, the scam artist dr.phil wanna be, a guy who DOSENT EVEN FUCKIN LIVE HERE as a senator is ridiculous. He cant even vote for himself here! He's still registered as a new jersey voter. He moved into his mother in law's house in order to run.

This should be illegal. You have to actually been a resident in that state for more than 2 years to run for office.

#levi speaks #ghe shittiest part is i cant vote here because im still legally residing in ohio #its so i can avoid stupid pa shit like a required 50 something inspection and other stuff #but it is an absolute bitch that some motherfucker can move some where clearly not intending to stay long term #then run for office #hes just gonna go back to new jersey #nj can fuckin keep that trumpie idiot #hes not even a doctor #he spent all of the 80s and 90s pushing pseudo science and getting rich off it #now im supposed to trust his stupid beliefs on abortion being murder at any stage? #sure bud go back to drinking your essentail oils

[dumb-fictionkin-sideblog]

This is meant to be informational, all of this is /info

I'm not sure if you know this but hyper-empathic people with autism aren't ableist for not liking people with narcissistic personality disorder. Yet, a lot of people who do have that type of autism (which is rare yet more common in the biologically female genome side of it), can spot people with narcissistic personality disorder very easily. This is because of common phrases which in turn make them feel unsafe. This may impact the autistic person negatively, and MAY cause long-term PTSD (C-PTSD for Complex PTSD), but that does NOT make the person with NPD an abuser. Its common for those with hyper-empathy to feel unsafe around people with NPD because they are two polar opposites of intentions on the spectrum and often get mistaken for each other by strangers. Like its common for you to immediately tell if someone is homophobic or not, its also common for people with NPD and people with HE autism to recognize each other even if those without it can't tell them apart easily. Its a common fear response and nothing more. The best thing you can do if someone seems to think that Narcissistic abuse is real and has HE autism is to tell them to talk or see a therapist, or at the very least to look up information online from credible sources. (Of course, its also good to deliver this gently as they will be defensive.) TLDR; HE autism and NPD recognize each other and don't get along well but that doesn't make it abuse or ableism. /info

This is ! a lot of great info that... does not contradict any of what I have ever said, so I'm not sure why you felt like you needed to say it (or even less why you felt like you needed to put big ol' info tone tags all around it as if it was going to be offensive)

(Guessing you're referring to that post where I said "narcissistic abuse isn't a thing and not every single person with autism is hyper-empathic")

It does sound, uh, strange to me that someone just existing would cause PTSD in another person, but I've never claimed to be an expert. Also seeing the points you're making I do think ASPD could be grouped with NPD in this as well (yknow, because of the low empathy and all) — but when I say "narcissistic abuse" doesn't exist I'm strictly talking about the term. Of course people with NPD can be abusers. People with ASD can also be abusers, but we don't call that "autistic abuse" because it'd be stupid.

I get the point with the fact that they can recognize each other more easily, but uh, no, I can't identify whether someone's homophobic or not without asking them. People have been wrong. Like, it happens a lot. You can't... say that it's a reliable way to identify someone with NPD/HE autism. Literally yesterday I had a friend at my house who has HE autism and we ended up talking about this exact topic because they called themselves a "victim of narcissistic abuse" and I nearly had a fucking stroke. When I told them I had low empathy, which happened years ago to be fair, they were surprised.

I'm very easily triggered by what you call "common NPD phrases" (if I understood that right, and if did then I'm assuming you mean something that sounds manipulative, which.... moving on) to the point that it's something I have to discuss with pretty much everyone I know because it always comes up at some point and I get triggered by something completely innocent. It's a really big problem for me. But I am far from being uncomfortable around people with NPD (or people who just have low empathy for that matter), usually because they tend to be very honest with me the moment I open up about having low empathy (usually in a "oh thank God I don't have to keep masking around you" way). I tend to feel more unsafe around hyper-empathic people, not because of "common phrases" or anything, but because I've heard them say so much shit about people like me that it's become automatic to feel wary of them (see: my best IRL friend telling me they're a "victim of narcissistic abuse" after I've already opened up to them about my own empathy issues; trying to listen to a podcast my friend is in and getting hit with a "yeah I'm a decent human being, I've got fucking empathy"; trying to explain to someone that people with ASPD aren't all serial killers and being met with "some things deserve to be demonized ❤"; etc etc.).

For these reasons I do not believe that HE autistic people feeling unsafe around people with low empathy or NPD isn't at least partially for ableist reasons, whether conscious or not. Feel free to prove me wrong, it'd be great.

#sunny #tw ableism #(for the mention. i dont think any of xhat you said was ableist in nature) #this is sad because it's generally something i like to talk about. im glad you were at least coming to me in good faith though #had an... experience a while ago talking to someone who explained that 'no no psychopathy in cognitive science is totally different- #-from the outdated term for aspd and its not linked to aspd at all! its a completely different thing!' #only for me to look it up and go on a .gov website and the first review of several studies that i see had a big intoductory disclamer #basically saying 'umm we're not sure because according to our MRIs what we have identified as psychopathy in the brain would- #-be more common than not having it with like over half of our evaluated population... but it could just be high IQ we didnt check :)' #im kind of losing faith in people who dont have low empathy just because they want 'psychopathy' to eb a thing so bad #i'd already lost faith in the field of psychiatry but. they want to separate good and bad people so bad. they want low empathy to be bad. #again im no expert but if you start your paper with 'we did this with only MRIs and the MRIs didnt have the results we want them to- #-so we're choosing to ignore it and pretend we're right anyway in this vague idea of a thing existing'... i'm not gonna believe you #just way you think people with low empathy are ~different~ and ~bad people~ but dont try to make a science paper out of it #im tired of people pretending the concept of bad people even exists and choosing that it's low/no empathy people actually. #--i do want to say that its completely valid to just feel uncomfortable around certain people for any reason at all #like we dont /have/ to all likr each other. thats not how humans work socially. some people just dont go very well together #but you cant convince me that saying ''i dont like people with this mental disorder because they make me feel unsafe'' isn't ableist at all #ask #anon

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i say goodbye to my boss tomorrow #not like officially officially bc im still employed into August so we have meetings #and hopefully we'll collaborate in future on projects and i have papers to write with her still #but like this is the last time ill physically see her bc shes not coming back until August and ill b gone by then #so its like. sad. bc shes my science mum. today she was complaining abt some stupid politics stuff #that went on this week in the department and she was like i kno i should b more professional but i feel like since ur leaving now #were more colleagues and friends. and im like 😭 god dammit ur gonna make me fucking cry #i came this this school to work with u and u were so great. i was so lucky to have ended up in her lab #bc i didnt kno wtf i was doing and shes not perfect but i learned a lot from her and ill b really sad to not b working with her so much #but thats how it goes. ill have to make her something cool as a parting gift #god. thatll b a fucking pain but she deserves something that takes a lot of effort #were meeting tomorrow to go over a protocol but im not sure if that's actually what were doing or if theres a surprise involved #bc she likes to do that and it stresses me the fuck out. she's been wanting to get me ice cream for the last 2 months so that might actually #b what's happening. or both could b happening. ugh. anyway. just me crying abt how im gonna miss my boss who im literally seeing tomorrow #im gonna have to giver her a painfully earnest letter abt how great she is and apologize for kinda having a breakdown #i mean i wasnt totally nonfunctional but like. it was not good and im sure i kinda sucked to b around #but whatever. god. the move it finally on the horizon. it finally feels like its getting real #unrelated

[fabulouslygaybean]

does your heart ever just completely shatter because you thought too hard about the passage of time

#im turning 18 in less than a month and im terrified #im scared #im not ready to be an adult #ill wake up one morning next month and the world will see me as an Adult when i sure as hell don't feel like one #i know i shouldn't but i still feel so much like a fucking kid #im not ready to be 18 #everyone expects me to be perfectly mature and super independent and ready for a life of nothing but work #i just wanna go with friends to parks or malls and have sleepovers and make friendship bracelets and bike to the pool and go to science - #- centers and doodle on everything i own and jump in leaf piles and play stupid silly games with my friends and go home at the end of the - #- day to a warm and safe house with a cozy bed where i can sleep well knowing my family is just down the the hall #and that'll all start drifting away even more the second i turn 18 #people are mean and the world is huge and terrifying #fuck this is pathetic. its 5:20am and i haven't slept all night and im weeping in bed over turning 18 #something almost everyone seems so excited and happy for #its so hard to be optimistic when my adulthood looks so damn bleak

[astranauticus]

'wow the vibes are rancid in here today!' i say, referring to the inside of my own brain

#live asto reaction #im like... actually brunt out i think like i said it kinda as a joke in my prev posts but somethings not right #like i rarely have all 3 tanks like art motivation/good art ideas/actually good drawings i have left in me run empty on me like this #i mean the drawing at every free opportunity i got for a month certainly didnt help but im pretty sure its more.. external than internal #for whatever its worth. like i just have like a million and one things i need to settle for like. school n shit #im....... far too involved frankly in my faculty's freshman orientation camp and its absolutely kicking my ass #its honestly not that much work im just super not good at it #AND ALSO would probably help to kinda. log off for a bit #eugh #its not all bad. ive got lots of make stuff with your hands hobbies i can fall back on. kinda #its just frustrating to be like the art guy and not be able to make art during the few points in the year i actually have time to do that #my semesters starting REALLY soon and it is. looming large in my brain #not that i hate school exactly i just... cannot draw and do a computer science major at the same time. its just not happening #idk my life is pretty.. horribly boring outside of this one hobby im somewhat decent at which is. frustrating! #ive only very recently started making my way up the dunning kruger curve so its kinda like. can you please just let me have this one thing #asto speaks #might be doing more oc stuff since thats ive found that thats the least... energy intensive? for me to draw but idk #i dont like posting my oc stuff cuz a. theyre always extremely wip b. i am so. absolutely horrendous at character design

[cygnusxxii]

thinking

#friend of mine is Really Depressed and at some point asked my computer science teacher something about why bad things happen #i dont remember the exact question #wasnt why do back things happen to good ppl bc he doesnt consider himself a good person #but like along those lines #and somewhere into his response my teacher says you become a better helper for people who go through the same thing after you #(or something like that im not sure on the exact working outside of like better helper for others) #and i havent stopped thinking about that since #like yeah you go through [bad thing] and then you feel better #and maybe you didnt come out stronger in the end #maybe there was no major self revelation or whatever that you had on the other end #but you do know what its like to go through it #and you can help others going through it #we are here to help people! #and to be helped

[aidenwaites]

Perhaps one of the worst things the internet has to offer is when someone is going through some kind of... Moment that they post publically and argue about which then sure doesn't make matters better for anyone involved

#yes this is about the anti-death medical science poster #that post just reads like. idk dude. there is not a person behind those that has a healthy relationship with the concept #of aging thats for sure #im willing to bet the sources they mentioned are either a medical paper they misinterpreted or some modern culty bullshit #editing this draft to say that i found a reblog where they included their sources #and it was a YouTube video from five years ago that linked to a website that 100% gives me snakeoil vibes #even if its not there's a whole tab on their website dedicated to 'finance and blockchain' #idk the more I look into it the more there's just enough controversy surrounding one of the head scientists that its like #even if this guy was onto something. i wouldnt trust him