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#its slso been so long since i talked to a human face to face at all 😭 over a year
honeyboyfelix ¡ 3 years
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Not my friend saying he had to choose who to invite to a get together - me or my ex best friend- and they choose me and I was like thanks guys but you,,, didn't need to choose,,,, like me and her don't talk but I don't have beef with her especially bad so unless she does ???????
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Its not that Messy
Characters: Steve x Reader Summary: What happens when captain america is high on morphine Word Count:  around 2k Warning: Just fluff. Maybe a little bit of angst Prompt: So my prompt was ‘The human world—it’s a mess’ A/N: This is an entry for @dreamingintheimpalawithdean #nickisholidaychallege. I am sorry for the delay. It took me forever but I hope you like it! I would also like to thank @thing-you-do-with-that-thing for beta’ing this for me and @girl-next-door-writes for giving her opinion on this little peace and approving my Steve. This happens to be my first Marvel fic and I hope i am not disappointing anyone.
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It was like she couldn’t breathe. It felt like someone was crushing her lungs, slowly torturing her until she couldn’t breathe anymore. She had never been this scared in her whole damn life. Not even when the IEDs had gone off and she had been inside that tank. Not when they told her she might be at risk of losing her leg. Not when she had gone on her first mission with the Avengers. Not when  they had totally been assaulted and they had all almost died but that was two years ago.
Two years of living with the Team. Two years of tolerating Tony being an ass and Thor being his lordly self and acting intolerably superior to them because of that damn hammer. Or Natasha being just so fucking perfect at everything and Bucky not realising that he was actually a part of the team. The worst was Steve being such a fucking idiot for not knowing how much in love she was with him.
Steve was such not only an idiot but stupid too. That was the reason she was here, not able to breathe; because that idiot didn’t understand anything. He didn’t see how she felt. He didn’t understand how important he was to her. He didn’t get that he was vulnerable, too. That he could get hurt just as badly  as any of them. He didn’t understand that she couldn’t lose him. Not like this. She won’t ever be able to forgive herself if something happened to him and she could have prevented it.
It had been like any normal mission. What was normal for them, anyway. This time to be different, it turned out to be a trap and somehow they were in middle of an attack by hydra where they almost overpowered them. Overpowered her. One second she was fighting someone and the next very next second was hit in the head. Before she could even try fighting back she was on the floor. Her vision blurry as she saw Steve jump in front of her,taking the fatal blow that had been meant for her. He was in surgery and had it been someone else they would have died instantly but since he was the super soldier he still had a chance of survival.
So here she was pacing the lobby in the hospital gown, getting dirty looks from the staff after she ended up screaming at a nurse about not giving a damn about any concussion she had or whatever they thought she should be doing. There was no way in hell she was going to rest while Steve was in a surgery. A life threatening one at that and who was responsible for that? Her.
He had been the first person to make her feel welcome when she had joined the Avengers. Not looked down at her or anything. Treated her like a normal person.Somehow they had become best friends. She was there for Steve  throughout everything and he was there for her.  Always. She never had to even ask him. He somehow always knew what she needed. Be it douchebag y/n was dating or when she couldn’t sleep cause of some horror movie she had watched. He was her pillar and just the thought of losing him made her feel empty.
She hadn’t even realised she was falling for him when it happened. And she never said anything, when she did. She didn’t expect him to feel the same way just because they were best friends or because her feelings had changed. She knew he didn’t feel that way and his friendships was enough for her.
She was taken out of her thoughts when the doctor approached them.
“He will be fine. Saved purely out of luck. They missed his heart by an inch.”doctor said and she crossed her arms trying not to picture what could have happened.
“Can we see him?”she asked hopefully and the doctor nodded in reply.
“He is still under the anesthesia. Keep it small and someone needs to be there with him. Just in case.”he said before nodding at the group and walking away.
She just stood there frozen at the spot looking at his battered form. There were tubes connected to him and wires and the IV. Bruises over his chest, his face paler than usual and that’s when the realisation of why he was there hit her. She was the reason. He had almost died because of her. Maybe the others were right in thinking she was not fit for the team, she thought as she watched them walk to steve’s room. Not that the team thought that anymore. She was an integral part of most mission. Despite everyone thinking she wasn’t fit for the team she had proven them wrong over and over, but, what if they had been right in the beginning? That she wasn’t fit for this team.
“Aren’t you coming. We both know he would want to see you.”Natasha said and she blushed. Over the past few months she had gotten close to the woman in front of her so it wasn’t exactly a secret between them how she felt about the man they were going to visit.
“I–I can’t. He is in there because of me. Because I didn’t do the job right. Maybe you guys were right and I am not fit to be here. It’s been two years. I shouldn’t have made the mistake I made. I am not a rookie,” she muttered, not able to look up at her as trickled down her face and she wiped them away thanking whoever was out there that everyone had already left to see Steve. That it was just her and Natasha
“You are being too hard on yourself. It could have happened to anyone. Are you telling me, you wouldn’t have done the same damn thing that Steve did for you for anyone of us. Yeah it sucks that he is in hospital but he heals better than all of us. He’ll be fine. You need to see him and be there for him. Come on.” Natasha said looking at her with her ‘enough with the bullshit’ look, her arms crossed as she waited for y/n to start walking.
“Fine.”she grumbled knowing Natasha was right as always. She had to be there for him and not be this pathetic mess. He had always been there for her. It was her turn to step and get out of this self pity mode of hers. Not right now at least. She had to make sure he came back. Surgery was successful but they still had a long way to go before he was completely okay. She quietly followed Natasha to his room and smiled when their eyes met but for most of the visit she was just quiet which didn’t go unnoticed by Steve.
“Y/N. Can I talk to you?”he called after her as she was leaving with the rest of them. She felt herself getting a bit nervous as Natasha gave her a knowing look  which she chose to ignore as she wondered what did Natasha know that she didn’t.
“So, you were just going to leave without even asking about me?”he asked, his tone was light but she started to panic a little. “I–I didn’t know what to say.”she mumbled not having the guts to look up at him. “Since when do you don’t know what to say to me? You always have an opinion on everything. Which you never keep to yourself even when you should.”he asked softly.
“It’s just screwed up, isn’t it? I should be there instead of you,but, no you had to go and be captain america! You could have died, Steve! Then what? Why would you do something so stupid!”she exclaimed only to see Steve smile.
“See, I knew you had something to say,” he said lightly making her sigh. She had never been this frustrated with everything. Just the realisation of the fact that Steve could die too. That he was a mortal unlike thor just scared her. What if someday the bullet actually doesn’t miss the mark.
“Doctor asked someone to stay with you. Who do you want? Bucky or Sam? I doubt you would want Tony”she muttered with crossed arms and still not looking at him.
“You. By the looks of it you have to stay the night too. We can have a hospital sleepover,” he said with grin which only annoyed her even more. Why was he taking this so lightly? Didn’t he get it? They had almost lost him. She had almost lost him.
“It’s not funny, Steve. You almost died because of me. Because of my one stupid mistake. The human world—it’s such a mess! Look at us. Hurting each other all the fucking time. I thought having the Avengers, would bring more peace to the world, but somehow it feels like we are right in the middle of a warzone. For what? Money and power?We are left to deal with the consequences! It’s a complete mess.”she said not even realising she had started crying while talking to him.
“It’s not a complete mess, y/n,” he saintly with a sigh, struggling to stay awake as he took her hand in his and tugged her so she was sitting next to him.
“I almost lost you, Steve,  she whispered her voice breaking a little, wiping her tears away as Steve attempted to sit up.
“You need something?”she asked pushing him back in the bed only for him to capture her lips in a soft kiss taking her by utter surprise by pulled her closer. It took her few seconds to respond before Steve broke the kiss and laid back down with a grin on his face.
“It’s not a complete mess,” he said again squeezing her hand while she gaped at him. It wasn’t thatt she didn’t enjoy the kiss. She had fantasised about this moment for so long but this wasn’t Steve, but she was still trying to fathom the fact it had actually happened.
“What was that for?”she asked looking at him suspiciously, not sure what he meant by it.
“I guess the bullet that missed my heart by an inch made me realise I needed to do that.. Also this anesthesia stuff is good. It might have helped my courage,” he said smiling at her goofily making her roll her eyes. “You are staying.”
“We will talk about the kiss once you are sober and yes I am. You’re so stupid,” she mumbled to herself shaking her head at him as she sat back down.
“Yes but you like me. Natasha told me. slSo that means you like me even though I am stupi,” he countered making her giggle. She felt giddy, almost high with him. He did like her. Captain America liked her. No, no, her stevie liked her and that was more than enough to make her feel that she was way above the stars
“I think you should sleep before you say anything else you might regret,”she said smiling fondly at him and sniffing a little. “And yes I do like you,”she muttered pecking her lips and a broad smile appeared on his face when she pulled back. Maybe the world wasn’t all bad after all.
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