#its so fucking stupid but im really bad at like geometry

[beesmygod]

JJBA PART 5, VENTO AUREO IS THE UNDERBAKED MESS I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT FIXING...PART 2

FIX 2: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A PROBLEM LIKE GIORNO?

thats the homo photo of my dad

answer: i dont know.

the unfortunate and honest to god truth of the matter is that the protagonist of JJBA part 5, giorno giovanna, fucking sucks.

what if that little shithead from the twilight zone episode "it's a good life" was gay and watched "goodfellas". you might think "wow that sounds great" but, well, somehow it's not.

it is months later and i have been struggling with writing this for a bazillion reasons: i got sick, real life events occurred, i had to work on comic, i died, etc. but the most strenuous reason of all in the end was facing the impenetrable, tangled, and deeply complicated gordian knot that is the little ladybug loving bitch named giorno and not knowing where the fuck to even begin.

i had to think long and hard about how to approach the problem of "giorno giovanna". he is like a diamond of sucking ass: multi-faceted and beautiful in his perfection but is, ultimately, just a stupid fucking rock from the dirt. he completely lacks the innate charisma and personality inherent in previous jojo protagonists AND antagonists; despite having both the joestar AND brando gene pools to pull from, he manages to snag a net total of 0 personality traits. this problem is multiplied 100 fold once he starts actually doing things to move the plot along and the universe repeatedly bends itself like a pretzel in order to gift him undeserved and unrewarding (to us, the audience) win after win after win.

his theme goes hard as hell tho

if you were to ask me what is wrong with giorno, i would have no problem making a long and detailed list of why i want to slap the little cinnamon rolls of his head. i have no idea how to organize that list into a more coherent form of criticism that points at the overarching structural weakness of part 5. part 5 really, really wants you to like and root for giorno. it hinges on it. his victories are explicitly supposed to be emotionally and morally gratifying. they are instead trite and annoying.

for years, YEARS, my only experience with the entirety of part 5 outside of infamous panels and the most basic information about the story, was this incredible, evergreen and laser targeted tweet:

i thought this was a funny shit post. all i knew giorno had some kind of "life creation" power. what i didnt know was:

giorno says this exact line and then turns cars into frogs so that they (the bad guys) cant catch them (they do catch them)

giorno's power IS fucking stupid

i fucking hate him

he should stop using it

abbacchio was right. he was right about everything

how DO you talk about giorno? giorno's blandness permeates any situation he has the misfortune of attending and the parts of the narrative where he's missing for one reason or another are significantly improved by his absence. in comparison with the deuteragonists (bruno bucciarati) and tritagonists (the members of bruno's squad in the mafia family passione), he has all the flavor of a communion wafer. his character arc is non-existent. emotionally, he might as well have just gone to the store and back by the end of the story.

and, look, araki likes to play fast and loose with how powerful a stand is or what its abilities are. im not here to measure power levels or fucking whatever stupid shit people get up to. the more wild and insane he gets with his incredibly "unique" ""understanding"" of science and geometry, i'm 99% on board for. but giorno's stand, gold experience, is whatever the narrative needs it to be at any given time with no consistency. it's OP as hell long before he gets the 11th hour power boost; his stand has the extra trans-dimensional ability to remove any tension from a fight scene. through this, gold requiem can destroy the psyche of the audience, truly making it the most powerful stand of all time.

people used to love to bitch about not understanding how the villain's stand works in this part, but if anyone tells you they understand what the fuck THIS means they're lying to you.

anyway, there is only one solution i can think of when it comes to how to approach this: assess the major story beats in order. i think jumping around in the progression of events to highlight individual flaws in the character will not adequately impart the suffering one feels as an audience member while the narrative yo-yos between being rollicking good fun and being at the mercy of the little 15 year old twink with god mode on.

and so, having made it past koichi's tiny ass role (and his tiny ass) in the story and addressing how we can proceed, we can cover bruno (a genuinely wonderful character), polpo, and the wasted character building opportunity of the piss drinking scene, which vexes and infuriates me to this day. [thinking about the piss scene and getting mad again] ooooh!!!!

#essay #jjba

[foxstens]

my favourite game atm is this thing called free the key

#mine #my posts #gameblogging #its just a key surrounded by these blocks #and you gotta push them around until you can uhhh drag it to the right i guess #its so fucking stupid #but its so addictive #if i happen to get stuck i just leave it for like half a day #andthen i come back and i somehow magically solve it in 2 tries max #its so fucking stupid but im really bad at like geometry #and i guess for other ppl this would probably be too easy or smth #but to me its kind of challenging #bc sometimes i do actually have to think abt where to drag them and how to do it #and its fun #i want more games like this

[elsewhereuniversity]

ASKS - Mini Stories/Headcanons/Ideas

Little ask-stories sent to my main blog, posted here!

violetsnowstorm555 said: Archaeology majors agree never to dig anywhere near campus for fear of what might come up.

Anon said: What about that one kid who thinks the fair folk are actually ALIENS

k4t3yk4t said: There was that one occasion with the Vegan™ freshman who discovered the black fur coat in her roommate's closet. She was so appalled... She stole it, not to keep, but to confront her roommate later about. She never got the chance to. She wasn't seen for months, but eventually came back. She was different, when she did, though.. And never went near the pool again.

unicorn-aly said: The Girl With The Eye Tattoo on The Back Of Her Neck™; To always be kind to That One Janitor; don't pass that broom closet unless it's a life or death situation (and even then run as fast as you can); to say your purpose and you mean no harm when you enter That Room; leave exactly 9 cups of vanilla creamer under that tree; don't step on the tiny hills lest your head should face the opposite way for the rest of your life; never ever EVER pick up and keep the things you find in the mini garden 2/3

(I can’t find the other two asks connected to this which is a tragedy bc this fragment is a Gem)

chaoswolf1982 said: I am sooooo tempted to headcanon that EU is one of the places where citizens from Night Vale attend for higher education, but due to NV's own innate weirdnesses, those who've attended find absolutely nothing unusual or strange about the place, it being equivalent to them as being a quiet and plain small-town college. A good math program, decent arts scholarship, but nothing particularly stands out about it.

scarymaryanne said: OHMYGOD I'm in love with Elsewhere Uni! Just thinking about the RAs and how far they are willing/allowed to go to keep their students from getting nabbed. Like a rota for who rings the bells at dawn and dusk and no one will ever skip that duty, not again. And watching for signs of who might get taken. You can't foil them all the time cos they get mad but that tiny dance major on your floor is TOO fragile to revel with the Gentry and you will camp outside their door with salt and iron and the RAs who go in at the end of the year to get back those who were taken spend all year hoarding favours and gifts to use to get people out. They keep the crows sweet because while they would never, ever spy on the Fair Folk they've been known to drop tidbits of information and gossip that come in handy. They're the silver tongued English and Poli-sci majors who know exactly how to wheedle those who were taken back home

thecommrade said: EU idea. That one kid that everything seems to revolve around them. Are they the ring master? Are they a fae? Do they have forbidden dark magic? Nobody really knows. They're honestly too crazy to get a straight answers from them. Its always some cryptic poem of nonsense.

themarginalthinker said: They slide their notebook towards you. "I won't bite, promise!" You look down at the offering, the bullet points and neatly written summaries of the professor's lecture. Though sleep-deprived you are, pull away, sudden sickening realization of what you've done. They're smiling again, and there's something pinched between their fingers - a single hair. You'd taken their offer. They took their due. You don't acknowledge them day after next. Their eyes don't match. You know that hair color. You try to get your bearings on what's going on in class, not paying a whole lot of attention to the new student. Who is paying a lot of attention to you. "Bad week, huh?" They ask. You nod absently, suddenly realizing you don't know anyone really well in this class enough to ask for notes. Damn it..."Want to see mine?" The new student asks. You look over, finally - they seem friendly enough, an why not. Their eyes do not match. "Um..." You hesitate. They smile and /their eyes do not match/.

roseverdict said: headcanon: EU's school song rings a little longer, a bit louder, at home games. and in dorms. and honestly it's always playing just out of hearing range for the upperclassmen but the freshmen are freaking out that there's the song aLWAYS GOING-

solongraggedydoctor said: Elsewhere university. Their are three distinct types of non believers who attend. All three arrive unaware of the far world type 1) rapidly changes their views on the world, and accept and believe. Type 2) they willingly follow the rules, as they've seen what happens otherwise, but they say they don't believe, if just so if it turns out to be a joke they don't look stupid, they get got a few times. Type 3) they outright deny, and oddly, no matter what they do, nothing happens ... And oddly, no matter what they do, nothing ever happens to them. They show disrespect, follow none of the fae rules, and are still left alone, but then, towards the end of their final year, they kinda just seem to disappear, and no one really seems to remember where they went, and even years after the fact, no one you know has had any kind of contact with type 3, other than rumours that they moved away, and did something unnoteworthy. 

las-lus said: About elsewhere university: Kids who dont notice time running slower because "fuck, isnt this how it usually runs in calculus' class?". Kids who Starr drawing weird shit on their notebooks and their friends dont know if its from that weird geometry class, if they started a new drawing style of If they've been abducted. Im majoring in physics and really I cant stop thinking How hard would It be for us to notice If our friends had been taken

kass-king-of-sass said: Hi, just wanted to say your stuff for elsewhere university is amazing. I don't know if you're still accepting stuff and I've never submitted an ask like this before but here goes. I've been imagining mischievous or angered fae living in residence halls and playing tricks on the inhabitants. Pulling the fire alarm at 2 am, locking people out of their rooms, messing with the thermostats, burning food in the microwaves, things like that. All the hallmarks of a bad roommate but with a fae twist.

Anon said: There are certain alleys on campus that, on some nights, lead to faerie pavilions. If you bring them an offering, the fair folk will let you dance with them and will not harm you as long as you don't eat the food and leave before dawn.

Anon said: Oh, oh! I'm an interior design/architect student! Just imagining all the little tricks of the eyes that you could learn from the fae and then implement in human design is so exciting!

Anon said: sorry im sure youre getting a veritable INFLUX these days but imagine: student at Elsewhere whose parents' expectations have guided them into med/law/some other 'esteemed' course but theyre secretly into/good at art or singing or something. the fae would have such good sport luring them away after they sang under their breath in the wrong part of campus or one of their pages of doodling got blown in the breeze out of the window :3:3

Anon said: A freshman who lives off campus in her own apartment but Knows more than any other freshman or off campus student. She smiles and speaks carefully eyes always watching she goes by a name that's familiar to some until one night at a party she challenges one of Them to a game of 21. She drops 2 pictures on the table one of 2 girls a younger her and dark haired girl with a duffle bag in her hands and the other is of the dark haired girl with a boy who has empty eyes. "I want to see my sister again"

Anon said: In the end, it turns out she was never any different from you. She just happens to be from Iceland, just happened to have grown up with Gentry in her garden and the sea in her back yard. The one place where one lives with Them in the mountains, the one place where even the government respect Them. She never needed salt, she had hemmed her skirts with rocks and painted her nails with volcanic ashes. You conclude that international students can be just as foreign as the Fae (3/3)

Anon said: A student invested in geopolitics strikes a deal; "Give me the power to stop the corporate damming and I'll make sure no human ever nears the Nile". After all, the fae doesn't care whether their actions hurt the humans, and the student now posses unprecedented bargaining chip against at least four different governments

#violetsnowstorm555 #asks #k4t3yk4t #student life #unicorn-aly #wtnv #chaoswolf1982 #thecommrade #oddities #themarginalthinker #roseverdict #sports #solongraggedydoctor #unknowing #kass-king-of-sass #las-lus #changelings #international students #vignettes #selkies