#its so hard talking to new people too like i cant even gather the enthusiasm to respond

[simpsiren]

sticky notes: the story

mark lee x reader

introduction 

main masterlist

description. you use sticky notes to get into contact with your soulmate.

genre. soulmate au, high school au, strangers to lovers au

warnings. nonee

a/n. so some people requested for a full story of this so here it is! i really liked making this because the concept is just so cute cudndn oh and i did include the same idea as what i did in my previous post but i had to change it a little so that it would fit the plot. this is a really really long ff since its a slow burn typa thing so please try to stick with me on this one HAHA anyways enjoyy! :D

“you actually believe that?”

you lift your head up from your notes to look at soyoung. she nods her head and hum eagerly. you rub your temples from seeing her respond. “i do believe soulmates exist. but sticky notes to talk to them? what’s social media for then? and how is it even scientifically possible?” you question soyoung, bringing your eyes down as you continue to do your homework.

“that’s the beauty of soulmates, ray!” soyoung whines. you shake your head. “you’re dumb to believe it without confirming the information with other relevant sources.” you mutter out bluntly. you hear soyoung letting out a ‘tsk’. “here you go again being a history student. i swear im glad i never took it.” you scoff and slam your pen on the table gently.

“excuse me, woman! at least i dont have to memorise the whole textbook and only having 5 pages of content coming out in the exam.” you stick your tongue out playfully to tease soyoung. “i cant get over the fact that valcanos didn’t come out eventhough i memorised so much for it.”

the both of you laugh, knowing that the two of you can never stop debating on whether history or geography is the better subject.

“ray complete your homework at home. we cant stay in the classroom for long you know?” soyoung stands up to get to her seat, which is 2 rows down yours since you were sitting right at the back. you liked sitting at the back. it allowed you to always be able to use your phone in case you get bored in class. you still cant believe that your teachers think you’re a good and obedient student. you figured they only assumed that due to your high grades.

you sigh “that’s true.” you turn around to grab your back that was hanging in your chair and start packing your materials. once you were done, you grab the class key and walk over to soyoung’s seat, waiting for her to finish packing. you notice soyoung has finish packing and went to switch off the lights. you allow soyoung to step out first before you close the door behind you and lock the classroom door.

you and soyoung walked down the hallway silently, you were looking out the window to watch the sunset while soyoung had her eyes on her feet. only your footsteps could be heard as almost everyone has left the school grounds except for some teachers who were working late. the school normally closes at 7pm and you’re walking out at 6:50. to break the silence, soyoung opens her mouth to start a conversation.

“okay if you dont believe me why dont you try it yourself? like write a simple introduction to your soulmate.” you raise an eyebrow as you shove your hands into the front pockets of your mom jeans. “why dont you do it?” you fought back as you huff. soyoung bites the inside of her cheek as a moment of silence passes for her to think of an answer.

“because i believe it. and you do not. so you should try it.” you smacked soyoung’s arm, making her flinch back and shouting a loud ‘ouch’. you roll your eyes, knowing you didn’t hit her hard and she was just overreacting. “brilliant excuse,so. but if its going to make you stop talking about it, i might as well.” soyoung face lit up as she jumps happily and starts skipping ahead of you. you laugh and pull the handle at back of her bag to keep her explosion of excitement to the minimum.

“you owe me brown sugar milk tea. large.” you taunted. soyoung waves her hand lazily. “i’ll buy you one after school tomorrow. but you better update me during math.”

you wanted to say how you could just text soyoung to update her, but you remembered the fact that soyoung’s mother took away her phone since she didn’t do well for this year’s midterms. although to you, soyoung’s grades were decent. unfortunately for her, soyoung has to live up to her asian mom’s high expectations. the thought of this made you want to frown, but you showed a bright smile regardless as the two of you finally made it to the school gate, waving to each other and bidding farewell before walking down opposite paths.

once you arrived at home, you took out your phone from your back pocket. you saw a notification from your mother saying that your parents would be home late. you shrug your shoulders as you walk to your room. “as always.” you breathed out.

you did your normal routine of showering and eating leftover dinner that you needed to heat up at the couch while you completed one episode of the anime series you were so hooked on. you continue watching but with the amount of homework you have, you might finish them all by midnight if you dont slack.

you turned off the tv and washed your plate before heading into your room. as you close the door behind you, your eyes immediately went to your desk, which was pretty messed up since you had a test to study for yesterday that you completely weren’t prepared for and had to squeeze in as much information as you can. hence, the scattering of notes and textbooks.

you stroll over to your desk and sat down. you take out your homework from your back which was beside the desk. looking at the stack of homework, you groan in despair as shove it to the back of the desk till it hit the wall. “ah fuck it! im just going to ask kun for help.” you admitted your defeat depsite thinking you would be able to gain some energy from your dinner. you also thought about how you’ve done your homework in the morning plenty of time so i shouldnt be a problem unless kun doesn’t offer his help.

you jump to your bed and lay down, bringing your phone out and immediately start scrolling through instagram. as you swiped your finger up to look at the posts of the people you follow, you stop at one. a picture of a couple who met through the sticky note theory. or so they claim. your thumbs hover over the screen as your eyes look up to the ceiling, starting to remember what soyoung asked to do to get your bubble tea.

yoy tap your index finger on the side of your phone as you constantly started to think whether you should do it or not. you’ve heard the rumours. but are they even true? the more you thought about it, the more intriguing the idea got. but at the same time, you also thought of how stupid it sounded and was probably made to fool people.

after contemplating and having in a debate in your head that felt like forever, you finally place your phone down beside you and take a deep breath. “ill do it.” you groan to yourself, letting curiosity take over your other feelings.

you gather up your strength to stand up from your bed and walk over to your desk. you push all the papers and textbooks aside, grabbing a yellow sticky notepad from your stationery organiser. you had other colours too like pink and purple, but you figured that you should go with the classic.

pulling out a random pen that was laying in between the pages of one of your textbooks, you tilt your head to the side as you start thinking of what to write, unconsciously biting the end of your pen in the process.

you bite the side of your cheek and shrug, deciding to go with the plan of writing whatever that comes to your mind.

um hi? i dont even know if you’re going to see this. its funny, really. i heard a rumour that you can communicate with your soulmate through sticky notes. it’s probably just fake news and im writing to a nobody. that would honestly be embarrassing but it’ll be like love letters.. to myself(?) or my soulmate. write back? haha

you read over what you wrote an endless amount of times, thinking if you should make changes. you groan and immediately stick the sticky note onto your wall, giving up on giving second thoughts about what you call this ridiculousness.

you went about your night, forgetting you have left the sticky note on the wall. as you were on you bed scrolling through tumblr at 2 in the morning, you hear something. it sounded like a piece of paper had fallen from your desk.

unable to see in complete darkness, you turn on the flashlight from your phone and walk around your room, trying to find whatever it is that fell. it didn’t take you long to find a small yellow sticky note that you accidentally stepped on.

you pick it up, remembering that you wrote on the sticky note and thought that it was yours. however, once you were able to get a closer look, you noticed that the words on the sticky note have changed. so has the handwriting.

holy shit. i dont know what is this. but apparently a sticky note appeared on my wall saying i have a soulmate. my friends told me i should write back because of some rumour. so here i am trying. hi im mark. i dont know your name, but hope you’ll tell me once you recieve this. you’re in luck because apparently the rumour is true. im just as crepped out as you are.

you froze in your spot. your fingers shaking as you read the note again. you scratch your head. being too tired and unable to think straight at 2 in the morning, you place the sticky note on your desk and went back to bed to play with your phone. you soon forget about the fact that your soulmate has replied to your message that you have written on your sticky note.

as you got ready for the next period which was math, soyoung immediately runs over to you, dragging the chair from the desk beside you and taking a seat. you flinch a little when you suddenly see her close to you. 

“so did you try it?!” soyoung asks, her voice filled with enthusiasm . you brushed a few pieces of hair behind your ear, nodding your head as you take out your textbook from under the desk. “did you get a reply then?” 

your mind started to take you back to the mysterious encounter that you had last night. “mhm.” you reply simply. “though the only thing i remember because it seems to be the only relevant information is that the person’s name is mark.” soyoung gasped loudly, making you crease your forehead as you watch her overreacting again. 

“your soulmate’s name is mark then.” soyoung concludes, folding her arms confidently as if she made a great discovery. you laugh, rolling your eyes sarcastically. “isnt it obvious?” soyoung frowns fakely. 

your mouth gapes open as you hit soyoung’s arm lightly. “buy me my milk tea!” you demanded with a wide smile. soyoung places her notebook on your table and nods constantly. “i will you addict.” she groans. you happily say thank you as your teacher comes into the classroom and class began. 

“what are you going to do about it now though?” as you recieved the question from soyoung, you kept silent for a moment, giving time to think of an answer.

 “ill write something back? i dont know.. ill have to read the letter again when i get back home.” you whispe to soyoung. she nods in reply as the two of you payed your attention to the front again. it surprised you that soyoung was paying attention but you only assumed that she wanted to do better in class and shrug your shouders, writing down the notes youve missed while talking to soyoung.

as for you, your concentration in class dipped slightly because now, the thing that is occupying your head the most is the thought that the sticky notes theory might actually be real and you cant say its not possible anymore, making you even more shocked than you did last night.

lucky for you, today is the only day of the week where your class ends the earliest, along with two other lower ranked classes. you and soyoung quickly pack up to go to the mall to get your reward. after soyoung buys you your drink, you and soyoung went your separate ways.

after about 30 minutes of taking the bus and walking, you finally arrived at home. you place your drink on the living room table and proceed to place your bag in the room and head for the showers.

once you were done showering, you walk out of the bathroom to head to your room while drying your hair with a small towel. opening the door, you enter and went straight to your clothing rack. just when you were about to grab a shirt from the hanger, you heard the same noise last night. another piece of paper has fallen on the floor.

you turn your head and look down. this time, you found another sticky note right in front of your feet. the colour of the sticky note changed from yellow to a light blue. you tilt your head as you pick up the stick note from the floor, finding it odd as you wonder how the colour of the sticky note changed.

you take a deep breath before reading it, noticing that the handwriting was similar to the one you read last night. a little messier, but still readable.

hi again.. im not sure if you’ll recieve this since its the afternoon and i know people are busy with work or school. i skipped school today so haha. um i just wanted to write to you, despite me not knowing a single thing about you. its odd really. its like i feel the need to write something to an unknown identity that people assume to be my soulmate. i still dont know your name, so i hope youll reply soon. take your time and take care :)

- mark

“skip school? what is he, a bad boy?” you scoff to yourself. you try to take in whatever’s on the note, but another thought comes to mind. you walk over to your desk and saw that the yellow sticky note with mark’s reply was still there. you find everything about this weird and just odd in general. a lot of questions sprouted, but you didn’t want to think of it since you were afraid you would complicate your thoughts and just throw yourself into a stress hole.

you continue to dry your hair with one hand while the other held onto the light blue sticky note. you bit your lip and gulp. after letting out a long sigh, you place the sticky note next to the other one and changed into your clothes, as well as bringing your drink from the living room table to your room, placing it on the desk as you sat down.

you take out your pencilcase from your bag and brought out your fresh new black pen that you just bought at the school’s stationery store. the previous pen you had was full of ink till soyoung was dumb enough to drop it, spoiling the pen and was unable to be used again.

peeling off another yellow stick note from the stack at the edge of your desk, you were about to put your pen on paper when you realise you dont even know what to write. what do you say to this person you barely know about? you continuously tap the edge of the pen against your desk as you take a sip of your drink. you look over to the two sticky notes with the messages that the person has left. its funny how you have to think so hard just to write a short message.

hey again. i actually ended school early today. my name’s raven. but my friends call me ray. i honestly don’t know what to say to you. im still dumbfounded over the fact that you’re my soulmate and we’re here communicating over sticky notes. the world really does work in a strange way. if you dont mind, i guess i want to know how old you are and you’re education status?

you held out the sticky note in front of you and sigh in satisfaction. why? it’s because of your neat handwriting. it was always a trait of yours that you deeply appreciate. you place the sticky note on the wall and advert your attention to the other sticky notes, placing them on the wall beside the new one you have just written.

“will this drive me insane? i might end up with a whole wall of this.” you say to yourself, rubbing your face with your palm before going to your bed and laying down, wanting to have your evening nap.

“this is awesome!”

“no its scary.”

mark and his group of friends stared at the sticky note that has a message written with beautiful handwriting. mark flinched when he felt an arm on his shoulder, turning around to notice it was chenle’s. “when did you write your previous sticky note?” renjun suddenly asked. mark tilts his head as he tried to find an answer.

“less than an hour before you guys came i guess?” mark shrugs, standing up from his desk and taking a seat at the edge of the bed beside jaemin and haechan. “this raven girl is your soulmate then.” chenle walks towards mark and stands in front of him. mark nods slowly. the room grew silent again with everyone having the similar thoughts.

“you know what would be funny?” haechan smacks mark’s thigh, the sound making everyone turn their attention to mark and haechan. “what?” mark asked with a sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“why dont we prank her and say you’re a sugar daddy and live in a mansion?!” everyone gave yuta weird looks, making haechan laugh hysterically. “are you crazy? do you think i want to chase my soulmate away?” mark scolded haechan, smacking him hard on the chest, resulting in haechan’s back falling onto the bed.

“you’re always asking for a beating i swear.” renjun comments, walking towards haechan and balling his hand into a fist and acting as if he was about to attack. jaemin laughs to try and calm them down. “kids let’s not fight.” jaemin announced, looking over to jeno only to find him standing there watching quietly.

“go ahead, mark. you should write something. we cant keep her waiting.” jeno finally spoke up, grabbing the sticky notepad and a random pen from mark’s table and passing it over to him.

mark stared at the blank paper while the others were talking about what to have for dinner. it didn’t take him long to decide what to write. when mark starts writing and began to be in full concentration, everyone crowds around him to see what he’s writing.

sup raven! i wont call you ray since we aren’t friends yet. im still shocked. like the possibility of things like this being possible is just another possibility that can possibly happen. but anyways, to answer you question, im a high schooler from dream high. im in my third year. its kind of awkward for me while im writing this since my friends are reading every word im taking down. i guess i should ask you the same question back then. hope to hear from you soon.

“will you guys stop being nosy?” mark groans, standing up and pasting the sticky note on his wall, along with the other sticky notes he received from you. “you didn’t have to say that we’re here.” haechan retorts. mark rolls his eyes. “jesus..” mark mutters under his breathe. “anyways, yall are paying for dinner since you guys bribed me to write back.” mark sticks his tongue out playfully and runs out to the living room. everyone follows suit.. except for jeno.

jeno slowly walks towards the wall and leans forward to get a closer look of the sticky notes, specifically the two others beside the new one that mark just wrote. “raven? why does that sound so familiar? the handwriting...” jeno brings his finger up and lightly hovers them over the uniquely written words. it looked like calligraphy, and retro looking. jeno felt as though he had seen it before somewhere, or knew someone who wrote like that.

jeno snapped out of his deep thoughts when jaemin called out to him, making him walk towards the door and glancing at the sticky notes once more before joining the others in the living room.

you were currently video calling your friends when you heard the crackling of a piece of paper. of course you knew what that meant. you peered down the the floor from your bed and reached your hand out to pick up the sticky note. “ray?” doyoung called out to you when he noticed your face wasnt on screen. you lay back down on the floor and brought your phone up to show your face.

“what was that sound earlier?” lucas asked, currently sounding hyper. “the mysterious mark sent me another sticky note.” you reply sarcastically, waving the sticky note to the camera to let everyone look at it. everyone nodded their heads at the some time, some letting out a long ‘ah’ as well. “read it out loud!” yuta shouted.

“the fuck no!” you shouted back. you stared at the sticky note, but didn’t bother to read it. you thought of doing that once you’re done video calling them.

“how was today for you guys?” you asked, wanting to know how they’re doing.

“its tiring! we had dance practice, then we have to do recordings for our new albums. we barely get any sleep.” ten whines, his tone filled with stress. you laugh loudly. it made everyone frown and pout. you sigh. “pursuing your NCT world domination is never easy.” you commented, highlighting the word ‘world domination’ with a change of tone.

everyone lets out a long sigh and started to complain one by one, making the whole video call chaotic for almost 10 minutes. you could only smile and shake your head.

after about an hour or so of talking about basically everything and catching up with each other, everyone decided that they should end the call here since it was beginning to get dark and they needed to start practice soon. you bid your goodbye to them once more and ended the call.

you now adverted your attention to the sticky note. reading the letter, you raise both eyebrows. “dream high? that’s not far from here..” you mumbled to yourself. you started to think about everything you know about dream high. you know it’s was about an hour’s journey from where you live. it wasnt really well known either. the overall vibe of the school was mediocre.

however, you felt like you were missing something. something about that school is somehow related to you. you just couldn’t think of an answer despite squeezing all thoughts that you have in your brain. you groan and stood up from your bed and to your desk, proceeding to wanting to write a reply to mark.

hey. sorry if you get this quite late. i was busy video calling my friends. to answer your question, im a third year as well from jookin high. i would ask for your number so we dont have to do this all the time but my friend would scold me saying “but you’re removing the fun out of it.” but anyways, mark aka my soulmate, tell me about yourself, to start off.

you stick the note onto the wall, looking at the row of messages you’ve had recieved so far. you found it weird how the first time you’ve sent the note and got a reply back, it was on the same sticky note, just different handwriting. but you had to write on a new sticky note to send a new message only to get the same sticky note with a different message in return.

you only see his answers lined up on your wall. you started to wonder how this mark guy looked like. is he good looking? what are his hobbies? his attitude towards school? you really wished you could just text him through instagram and not have to go through all this trouble. but that option would earn you a large smack on the back by soyoung and your really didn’t want that.

“do we really need to be here now? like now?!”soyoung whined, while pushing the cart and following behind you while you tossed some packets of frozen bacon. you stopped walking and turn around, nodding your head intensely. soyoung groans and took out her phone, proceeding to use it while still pushing the cart.

you walk around the supermarket, trying to find the ingredients listed on your notes in your phone. it was the weekends and you’re parents were going to be away for a business trip for a week so you thought of inviting soyoung over and making home cooked meals as a bonding session for you two.

after about 30 minutes of gathering the ingredients and having soyoung constantly screaming and fangirling over tiktok edits of jaehyun from NCT. one note: she has yet to know that you know them and that they’re your friends. you figured that it would be best to not let anyone know so as to avoid any situation that would put your friends in a tight spot, since well they’re idols, you were looking for one last item that you had trouble finding.

“soyoung help me! stop watching tiktoks!” you groan, snatching soyoung’s phone away and shoving it in her back pocket. soyoung rolls her eyes lazily and the two of you proceeded to scan the different isles and shelves, looking over every item.

while you were too concentrated looking at the bottom shelves, you felt that you have bumped into someone. you squat down, letting out a soft ‘ouch’ before standing up and looking to see who you bumped into.

“wait. jaemin?” you furrow your eyebrows as you tilt your head, pointing your finger at the guy in front of you. “raven!” you noticed that it was jaemin after all, and both your faces lit up and the same time, grinning widely at each other.

“uhhh..” soyoung says out loud, you and jaemin turn your heads to face soyoung who was behind you. “oh! this is jaemin. we used to be neighbourhood friends before he moved out 4 years ago.” you introduced jaemin to soyoung. jaemin nodded and gave her a bright smile. soyoung only shrugged her shoulders and took out her phone. you turn your attention back to jaemin.

“why are you even here? dont you live quite far?” you ask, your fingers interlocked behind your back. jaemin nods, running a hand through his hair.

“well yes. but we came here to find something that only this supermarket sells.” jaemin replied back, his warm smile never leaving his lips. you smile, reached your hand out to ruffle his hair, laughing softly afterwards. “we? who’re you with?” you stared at jaemin with eyes of suspicion. jaemin started pinching your cheeks, making you whine and begging him to let go.

“with my friend, ray chill. im still single.” jaemin pulled away and folded his arms, pouting. “im sure you’ll find one soon.” you reached out to ruffle his hair and give off a wide smile.

while you and jaemin were catching up and being in your own world, soyoung got too bored of watching the two of you and decided to walk around the supermarket, leaving the cart behind you.

just as she was looking at the drinks isle to get her favourite sweet drink, she sees someone picking up a bunch of bottles one by one and placing them back on the shelve. out of kindness, she decided to help, picking up a bottle and placing it on fhe shelve before looking up to face the guy, who had a straight face while looking at her.

“i was just trying to help. im soyoung.” soyoung smiled, reaching her hand out and waiting for thr guy to greet back. he looked at her but doesn’t respond, proceeding to pick up the last bottle that was seen on the floor. “im jeno.” jeno stands up and nods his head to greet soyoung. soyoung nods back, walking down the isle to grab her drink from the shelve. “have a nice day.” soyoung says before leaving the isle and disappearing out of jeno’s sight. he only shrugged in response and went to do his own thing.

“you met who?!” haechan asks as he takes a sip of his ice cold water. everyone had their heads turned to jaemin, who raised an eyebrow at everyone’s weird expression. “i met my old friend raven. what’s so shocking?” jaemin asks back casually, picking up a few pieces of fries and dipping it into the sauce before shoving it in his mouth.

“dude that’s the name of mark’s soulmate!” haechan screams, making everyone flinch due to the loud noise. “i highly doubt it. there’s plenty of girls in the world with the name raven.” jaemin protests with his mouth full and chugging down gulps of coca cola.

“i mean that’s true. jeno you were with jaemin, right? dont you suspect anything?” renjun starts to question jeno, who was silently playing with his phone. looking up at the others, he gulps.

“i didn’t know he met his friend. i was picking out drinks. i just met a girl named soyoung.” jeno shrugs, taking a bite of his burger. mark scratches the back of his head, now starting to think of the fact that jaemin might have met his soulmate. though he also thought about how that could not be totally possible.

“nah i dont think its her. like really ‘raven’ could be anyone.” mark says, siding with jaemin. haechan tilts his head in awe. “jaemin do you know what school she’s going to?” jaemin only shakes his head.

“i lost all contact with her when i left her neighbourhood. plus we were young. i barely knew her honestly.” the living room falls silent, everyone trying to think of a conclusion to this.

chenle groans, standing up from his seat and slamming his hands on the table, gathering everyone’s attention as their heads shot up. “instead of pondering as if yall are solving some crime, why dont mark just ask her through the sticky note god dammit?” chenle pinches the bridge of his nose.

everyone’s mouths gape open as the room was suddenly filled with ‘ah’s all over. chenle shakes his head. everyone was now looking intensively at mark. mark furrows his eyebrows. “okay guys hold up ill grab the stick note.” mark stands up and takes one bite of his burger before going into his room for awhile and coming out with a sticky note and a pen.

jaemin noticed jeno being silent the whole way. and althought thats normal since its jeno’s nature and personality to not be so outspoken like the others, jaemin could sense that jeno was off and seem to be in deep thoughts.

and jaemin was right. jeno couldnt stop thinking about jaemin’s encounter with ‘raven’. the name sounded so familiar. he tried to recall every girl he has came into contact with during his life. why did he feel like the name was tied to the handwriting he saw on the sticky notes?

“jeno.” jaemin nudged him in the shoulder. jeno mumbled a soft ‘oh’ before turning his attention to mark just like the others. “she didn’t send me a reply after my last one though.” mark says, looking up.

“its fine. she probably didn’t see it. just write already.” chenle says in anticipation. mark shakes his head. “calm the heck down its not like we can get an answer immediately.” mark rolls his eyes and began to write.

hey raven. um i know this may sound weird. but have you gone to a supermarket and met a guy names jaemin? im not a stalker i swear. its just that he’s my friend and apparently you know him. though i dont think that such a coincidence and come by just like that. hope you hear from you soon.

jeno stared at the sticky note that mark proceeded to place at a random wall of the living room while everyone continued to eat and chat. his thoughts finally linked and a imaginary lightbulb appeared on above his head when he finally realises why he was so drawn to mark’s soulmate.

you were focused on wanting to solve a math question when the sticky note above your desk’s wall had fallen in front of you, revealing a new message. you place your pen down and let out a sigh, remembering that you hsve forgotten to write a reply and that mark probably sent you another one.

you tied your hair in a messy low bun before picking up the sticky note to get a closer view. you blink your eyes rapidly as your eyes furrow in awe. what the note said really shocked you and made you freeze in your spot. jaemin is friends with your soulmate? there’s no way.

you sat there for awhile as you constantly read over the words, still in shock with your moutb hanging open. you just couldn’t believe it. was it really what it seemed to be? another thought came to your mind as well. the thought of just who is this friend of jaemin’s? could it be mark? was your soulmate literally in the same place as you yet you never knew?

you grab a fresh new piece of sticky note and proceeded to write a reply after staring at it for so long and thought that it was finally time that you do something.

okay what you wrote really was weird. jaemin’s my old neighbourhood friend. its such a coincidence how you know him. i guess the connections are there. so haha yeah. damn. im very mind blown right now.

you take a look at your handwriting again, smiling to yourself. “i really do love my handwriting.” you mumble under your breath. you stuck the sticky note on the wall and resumed doing your homework, hoping that mark would reply soon.

while the boys were immersed in the horror movie they were watching on friday night, everyone turned their heads to each other when they heard the noise of a piece of paper falling onto the floor. in unison, everyone turned their head to where the noise came from and seeing the sticky note that fell.

jisung grabs the controller and pauses the movie. “we’re watching a scary movie and creepy stuff like that happens?!” jisung asks, stuttering out of complete fear.

mark decided to be the brave one after seeing everyone’s terrified face and stands up to pick up the sticky note, going back to take his seat on the couch soon after. “d-does that always happen?” mark shrugs. “well duh. that’s how i know she sent a reply. it wouldn’t be this scary if we weren’t watching a horror movie.”

everyone’s heads once again gather around mark as he read the note out loud. everyone gapes their mouth open, some covered their mouths while jeno could only stare at it in disbelief. “i guess we’ve confirmed its her.” mark breathes out, placing the sticky note on the table.

jeno reaches out to grab the sticky note to have a look. the unique handwriting that he suspected would belong to you really was yours. out of anger, he tears the sticky notes into two. everyone had their eyes widened at jeno’s sudden shocking action. mark snatches the now torn note back, looking down at them before facing jeno.

“what the heck was that for?!”

“dont talk to her anymore. she’s trouble.”

everyone lets out a sigh in unison except for mark, looking at everyone’s weird reaction. “what do you mean trouble? and why does it look like you all know something except me?” mark furrows his eyes as everyone exchanged glances continuously for a moment.

“she’s just not someone you should be with. that’s all.” jeno stands up and walks to his room, slamming the door shut and produring a piercing noise. the room was silent for awhile until mark speaks up.

“what am i missing here you guys?”

no one replies.

“we’ve been friends for a year and you guys are all keeping secrets for me?” mark scoffs in disbelief, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“we arent in the position to tell you. its jeno.” jaemin murmurs under his breath, looking down on the ground just like the others.

marks keeps silent and stands up from the couch, the palm the torn note was in is balled into a fist as he goes into his room as well.

haechan sighs. “jeno has to tell the truth. he’s been holding onto that grudge almost forever now.”

everyone nods their heads in agreement. “if not, he’s going to live in despair now that he knows she’s his best friend’s soulmate..” jisung adds on. 

everyone could only silently hope that things could go well. 

after that day you’ve sent a reply, you havent heard from mark since. you dont know why. due to your lack of information on him, it felt as if he disappeared into thin air. although only a week has past by, you felt concerned and somewhat worried for him. did something happen to him? what made him cut off his connection with you? its not like you did anything wrong. 

out of pure desperation, you decided to skip school today. youve never skipped school before, and you felt so rebellious and bad. why did you do this? so you could go to dream high and meet mark in person. youve had enough of the sticky notes. you just wanted to see how he was like in real life, not having to think about it through notes. 

with a little help from jaemin by texting him on instagram, you knew that mark’s class should be ending by 4pm, and you were there at 3:50 in the canteen where jaemin told you to wait. funny how the security guard lets a student from another school come in with a pass or anything.

you slowly start seeing groups of students going down the flight of stairs that lead to the canteen which had a path leading to the front gates. some eyes glanced at you as they notice someone who doesnt belong at their school, you couldnt care less though. your thoughts were only filled with mark. how he looked like, how he would carry himself. your anticipation was the only thing you felt.

you wore your headphones yet you could suddenly hear a lot of squealing and shouting. you look up, turning you attention to the stairs. a large group of girls crowding around another group of people, who you assumed to be guys. you scoffed, thinking about how there’s always that one group of good looking guys all girls seem to go crazy for. you watch as the group of guys push through the large crowd.

once you got a closer look, you tilt your head to the side. you slowly bring your headphone down from your ears and let them rest on your neck, getting intrigued by how the girls were getting so crazy, even more crazy than the ones from your school.

“its mark! he’s so cute!” 

you widen your eyes as you heard the word ‘mark’. you stood up from your seat, peering your head up to find which one is the girl referring to. you only see two guys walking. one smiling sheepishly while the other kept a straight and cold face. just which one is mark?

suddenly, you felt an arm grabbing yours and pulling you back. you jump out of fear and turn around noticing it was jaemin. you calmed your breathing as you look at jaemin. 

“meet mark under the block nearby. its too hectic here for you to talk to him.”

jaemin dragged you out of the school grounds and to a secluded block where only a few students where walking past and left you there. you were lost in confusion but decided to trust whatever jaemin was doing, sitting down at a random bench.

“jaemin told us to meet him here where is-” 

“raven.”

“what?”

you immediately stood in front of the two guys you saw at the canteen as you notice a familiar face. you werent able to get a clear look at them before, but now you realise that you knew one of them. “jeno..” you look at a different direction a you tried avoiding his gaze, though you knew you couldnt, forcing yourself to meet his eyes.

mark looks at the both of you, utterly confused as his attention shifts from you to jeno constantly. “this raven?” mark points at you, tilting his head. you nod slowly as your turn your head to face mark. you observed his body up and down. he was good looking, just like jeno.. yet his aura told you that he was way more outgoing and open than jeno. 

“you look...”

everyone was silent.

you gulp in nervousness. “im busy. bye mark.” before jeno could go, mark pulled on his arm to bring him back to stand beside him, earning a glare from jeno. the one you could never forget. “stay. i know something happened. you were always quiet whenever we talked about this girl. and i also know you all kept something from me.”

you slowly turned to jeno. you could he was annoyed whenever he looked at you. you felt it through his eyes, and it was terrifying. jeno took a deep breath in, folding his arms and placing his weight on one leg. 

“if you remember clearly, chenle told you that before we became friends with you, we had a fight and didnt talk to each other for a long time. we didnt tell you this, but it was her who caused it. she brought chaos into our group. everyone forgotten about it clearly, but i cant. after what she did.. i cant forgive her.”

you opened your mouth, wanting to reply but your words were somehow stuck in your throat. you didnt exactly know what to say or do in this awkward situation.

“it.. it was a long time ago jeno, please. my feelings for you were real, even if we werent meant to be. i dont know how many times you need me to say sorry.” you pleaded, biting your lip as you waited for jeno’s reaction.

jeno sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he lets out a huff of rustration. “then why did you leave? you left me stranded, and because of you, i almost left my friends becaused i lived in agony since i missed you so much. i almost pushed everyone away.” you shivered as jeno’s voice started to raise. 

 you also glanced at mark, who still kept his confused expression on his face. through his gaze never left you as you felt his eyes scanning you body up and down. 

“you two used date?” mark asks. you nod in reply.

“we were kids. we didnt know about all this soulmate stuff. but now..” 

“you know what? be together. im not going to leave my friends just because of my pent up grudge and feelings. i cant control fate either.” 

years had now past since you met mark. it really was fate. the two of you became close in no time and now.. you were fianally married. you couldnt be more happy to be with mark. who you were destined to be really was made for you, and you only. and to think this all escalated due to a note you sent out in pure curiosity.

you still remember what happened with jeno after that day, despite the lack of interaction between you two, jeno was open enough to accept you as his friend again. you are now living a happy life with mark, and always being able to hang out with his group of friends. today was no different. 

“haechan get the chilli sauce!” you hear mark shout as you smile widely, feeling his arm snaking around your waist to pull you close. having a barbeque was a great idea to celebrate jisung’s birthday. 

you soon see haechan with the bottle of chilli sause, placing it on the table where everyone gathered around the table which had jisung’s birthday cake. “before we do anything with the cake, let me announce my wish.” jisung announces proudly. you raise an eyebrow. “you cant say you birthday wish out loud!” you scolded jisung, but everyone laughs.

“his wish is something we all know.” jeno says, winking playfully at you. you tilt your head in confusion when you suddenly feel mark’s arm leaving you waist. you look over to mark who was shoving his hand into his pocket as if to find something.

you were completely clueless when mark nods towards jisung, to show some kind of signal. “i wish for mark and raven to get married!” jisung shouts. 

you gaped your mouth open in shock when mark pulls out a small box, opening it in front of you to show a ring. you cover your mouth in disbelief. “did you guys really-”

“please marry me, raven. my sticky note soulmate.” you hear everyone clapping s a tear of happiness drips from your cheek. you quickly wipe it away as you heard the nickname that mark gave you. “we wouldnt normally do this but it was jeno that suggested this.”

you look over to jeno who had a soft smile on his face as he nod his head. looking back at mark, you grin widely as more tears started flowing out. “of course ill marry you, you dork.”

#nct #nct 2020 #nct u #nct 127 #nct x reader #nct fluff #nct angst #nct imagines #nct imagine #nct scenarios #mark lee #nct mark lee #mark #nct mark x reader #nct mark imagines #nct mark scenarios #nct mark #mark lee x reader #mark lee x y/n #mark lee x you #mark lee imagines #mark lee scenarios #mark lee ff #nct mark lee ff #mark lee fluff #mark lee angst

[starlightkenobi]

Tear You Apart // Anakin x Reader

rating: explicit

warnings: dom anakin, light choking, light hair pulling, mostly just pining tbh

a/n: inspired by the song “tear you apart” by she wants revenge, i love this song and its always given me possessive ani vibes,,, LIKE U WANNA LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT THIS ISNT END OF ROTS ANAKIN BEFORE HE GETS BURNT ? YOU GONNA TRY ? YOU CANT !

also: this is the longest thing i have written for this account and i am pretty darn proud of it which is rare for me, so i hope yall enjoy !!! 💕

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right

At the right place and right time, maybe tonight

And the whisper or handshake sending a sign

Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait never mind

Anakin’s mind ebbed and flowed with the tide of people wandering the room. He always hated these formal Jedi gatherings, usually coming up with some convoluted scheme to get out of attending. Not tonight though, Obi Wan was completely fed up with Anakin’s usual antics. His stern voice still haunted his ears, and remembering it filled him with remnants of dread.

He was so sick of all of it. The annoyingly forced casual conversations, the same people, same faces, even the same damn Jedi robes, save the few senators mingled into the room. All of the people faded into one dull energy, like a black hole draining Anakin’s energy and enthusiasm. He was sure that if he had to choose between this and death, he would pick death without hesitation.

That was, until he layed his eyes on you.

You walked with such presence, such grace, that it was impossible for someone to not notice you. Your robes hugged your figure and flattered you in a way that Anakin didn’t even know was possible. Your hair hung around your head, flowing around you and illuminating your features like a halo. Which was quite possible, Anakin thought, considering you might be an actual angel in the flesh.

Your flesh. Anakin pictured how soft it would be under his touch, the goosebumps that would arise after the cold touch of his metal hand. To touch real skin, to have that real contact...Anakin was touch starved to be sure. But now, he was ravenous, and you were the only meal he’d seen in years.

A voice in his mind screamed at him, a voice that was very stern and similar to Obi Wan’s disappointed father-like tone, if he thought about it. But he didn’t want to think about it, he wanted to ignore the raging thoughts that screamed, Listen to yourself, Anakin. Your being gross and creepy. Calm down.

Luckily, he didn’t need to ignore them. The second you turned around and yours eyes met, he was gone. Those thoughts were drowned out by even louder ones that told him to scoop you up right there, claim you as his, test the feeling of his lips on yours.

Your lips looked so soft, and even from this distance he could almost feel them pressing against his skin, see them falling open in a drawn out moan. And your eyes, sparkling like the stars in the clear skies of Naboo on a dark night. Deep and endless like the expanse of space that he so often saw while piloting his starfighter. Even still, they were flowing with a lifetime of emotion and soul that couldn’t be seen in all of the other Jedi in this room combined.

Emotion, pure and raw emotion. He always felt so wrong and alone, being emotional. Considering he had been told all of his life that emotions were not the Jedi way. But you, standing in front of him right now, were made of pure emotion and experience and feeling, something that could not be put into words, but only expressed.

Anakin’s heart stopped as he realized that you were actually standing right in front of him. In his trance, you noticed him staring and decided to approach him.

“Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met.” No flattery, no pointless and boring casual conversation. You cut right to the chase, and it intrigued him even more.

“We definitely haven’t, there’s no way I would forget meeting you.” A smirk tugged at the corner of his lip, and your cheeks flushed. A lovely, tinted pink. “I’m Anakin. Skywalker.” He added his last name, hoping that you might recognize it.

“General Skywalker...I’ve heard tales of your escapades, and especially of your unusual war tactics.” Your blush begun to fade, but a light pink still remained. It was absolutely adorable, Anakin decided, and he wondered how flushed your face would get with his mouth trailing down your neck.

“Do my unusual tactics bother you?” Anakin asked, and he visibly appeared less tense then he did moments ago. You were so easy to talk to, and your force energy felt so soothing around him. He wanted to be enveloped in it. Maybe it was some circumstance of fate that he was forced to attend this gathering tonight. Maybe it was this same fate that brought him to you.

“Not at all. As a matter of fact, I’m intrigued.” You gave him your name, and reached your hand towards his, expecting him to shake it. However, the soft skin of your hand was too much of a temptation. As soon as he felt your touch, he pressed his lips gently to the back of your hand. Normaly, you would have been annoyed with the flirtatious advances of someone so early into meeting them. But this felt different, it felt new and strange and somehow, comforting.

Needless to say, you were completely drawn in and wanted more.

Late night, and passing, mention it flipped her

Best friend, who knows saying maybe it slipped

But the slip turns to terror and a crush to light

When she walked in, he froze up, believe its the fright

A deep breath of fresh air filled Anakin’s lungs as he stepped out onto the balcony. The crowds of people had been practically suffocating him, and to finally have some peace and quiet alone with the stars felt magical. Maybe this is what the Jedi mean when they say, “There is no emotion, there is peace.” Out here, with nothing but the endless black sky and the stars, Anakin did feel at peace. However, that didn’t stop the torrent of emotions swirling in his gut. So he figured that old, tired saying was bullshit anyways.

“Fancy seeing you out here.” He recognized it immediately. Your voice, like a serene melody, filled his ears. Immediately, he spun around, desperate to see your face again. This time, however, he felt nervous when he saw you. Afraid, even. So many thoughts were flooding his head all at once that it almost became to much.

“I...wasn’t expecting anyone to join me.” Ankain fumbled over his words, staggering to uphold his good impression on you.

“I can leave, if you’d prefer to be alone. I completely understand. These gatherings can get a bit...claustrophobic.” Your voice was softer now, and Anakin could tell that you were trying to mask the hurt in your tone. You would have turned around and walked away without a word, had he asked, but Anakin wouldn’t allow that. As soon as you turned to leave, he reached out toward your hand and took it in his own.

“No!” Anakin almost shouted, and even though he was afraid, he was ready to embrace any new and strange emotions if it meant getting to spend another moment with you. He steadied himself, preparing another sentence. “Your company is more than welcome.”

A smile tugged at your lips, reveling in his hand warming your now cool skin from the breeze. His hands were so much larger than yours, you noticed. Somehow, it made you feel safer, more comfortable. Anakin noticed and gripped your hand tighter.

Standing here, so close to you and in this lighting, he was finally able to see all of the fine detail in your eyes. The little speckles of color forming their own constellations in your galaxy. He could have sworn they were faintly glowing, each star producing its own aura of light.

You turned towards the sky, gazing up at it with all of the longing in the galaxy. Of course Anakin noticed it, he felt the same way about space. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Unconsciously, you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear that had blown out of place from the wind. “Each little star feels like it has a life of its own, it’s own personality and feelings and emotions. I guess that’s why space has always called to me, the stars don’t judge.”

Anakin, still holding your hand, turned to the sky with you. “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.”

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak

And you leave to have a cigarette, your knees get weak

An escape is just a nod and a casual wave

Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

After that first night together, meeting at the Jedi gathering and talking for hours out on the balcony, the only thing Anakin had in his mind was you. Sure, maybe he was a little obsessed, but you gave him this feeling, something that he had never really felt before. He had felt love before, for his mother and even for Obi Wan, so he knew what that felt like. Maybe, he felt that for you too.

But he felt something else as well, something new and strange. Lust, perhaps, but Anakin wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. Right now, Anakin was perfectly content with the secret meetings around the temple, the constant excuses just to get out of some task and see each other, the longing gazes, the phantom touches.

For a while, it was heaven. It was new and exciting and absolutely perfect. But this went on for days, weeks, and now almost two months. He craved feeling your touch in a way that the council would disapprove of. He wanted to break all of the rules, destroy all of the boundaries set by the Jedi, and he wanted to do it for you.

But he was patient, when he needed to be. If he had learned anything from Obi Wan, it was at least that. So he would wait until you made the first “not strictly platonic Jedi pals” move. He would never do anything to make you uncomfortable, or do something that you weren’t ready for. Maybe you hadn’t even considered breaking the rules, maybe you felt nothing for him. Deep down, Anakin knew this wasn’t true, he sensed your mutual feelings for him all the way back on the day you first met, and every day since.

Still, for you, Anakin would wait a lifetime.

It's only just a crush, it'll go away

It's just like all the others it'll go away

Or maybe this is danger and he just don't know

You pray it all away but it continues to grow

Anakin was struggling. Obi Wan sensed it, you sensed it, practically the whole council sensed it. But no one knew why. No one except him.

Anakin tried meditation, he tried training, he tried joy rides in his starfighter, he even tried sneaking off to a cantina. No matter what he did, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. It became a festering sore in the back of his mind, growing and growing with each passing day. It was getting out of hand, and he understood this. And it was frustrating as hell.

But it also felt so damn good to picture your body splayed out underneath him. He wanted to make you feel good. He needed to make you feel good. He owed that to you at least, for giving him this never ending sense of joy and content when he was around you. He did love you, and could say that with certainty now. And when it comes to love, you would do anything for the other person. That’s what Anakin believed, at least. He just needed to wait a little longer, wait until you confessed your feelings and pressed your lips to his. His waited a lifetime to find someone like you, he can wait a little longer.

But even the most patient person needs to relieve the tension a little bit sometimes.

I want to hold you close

Skin pressed against me tight

Lie still, and close your eyes girl

So lovely, it feels so right

Anakin’s hands dragged up your body, gripping your skin tight enough to leave bruises. You felt so perfect around him, moaning and whimpering and begging for more.

At least, that’s what he hoped you would be doing in this situation. His hands weren’t even really on your body at all. One was fisted in the sheets while the other stroked up and down on his stiff cock. He had been at this for a little bit by now, and was already so close to the edge. He just needed your voice, your perfect voice, telling him how good he felt inside of you to send him over.

“A-Ani...you feel...s-so good, you make me feel so good!”

He could almost hear you, if he tried hard enough.

I want to hold you close

Soft breasts, beating heart

As I whisper in your ear

Streaks of hot cum painted his chest and hand, some even reaching up to touch his chin. His chest heaved, the last images of your body flooding his head. Your breasts painted with his cum was an image he wanted to keep with him, one that he hoped to recreate some day.

It was criminal, the things you did to him. He could only hope that you were feeling like this now too. Still panting and in his post orgasm haze, he closed his eyes and whispered aloud. He called out to you through the force, hoping that somehow you would hear him whisper,

“I want to fucking tear you apart.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Then he walked up and told her, thinking that he'd passed

And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance

Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there

Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

Both your’s and Anakin’s laughter filled the room. You were both hiding out in your quarters due to currently ditching a Jedi council meeting. Easily and casually, the laughter and conversation filled the room, and you both felt like a bunch of younglings who had skipped a training class.

As the laughter died down, you turned to face him. His laughter was one of the many things you loved about him. It was full and genuine and raw in a way that touched you emotionally. A way that you no longer wished to ignore.

“How long are we going to keep ignoring this?”

Anakin’s traded his smile for the look of a confused puppy. “What?”

You composed yourself, wanting to choose your words carefully. “I mean...the fact that we both have feelings for each other.”

Oh, Anakin thought.

Oh.

He was relieved that you were finally deciding to open up this can of worms, but he was still nervous and frankly, terrified of the possible outcome of this conversation. He looked away from you, unable to bring himself to make eye contact.

Taking it upon yourself to initiate some sort of contact, you tentatively reached for his hand. It brushed up against his, so you gently placed it on top of his and left it there.

“I’m tired of worrying about what the council thinks, aren’t you?” You questioned, still waiting for Anakin to look at you.

Slowly, his eyes met yours. He saw the lack of fear, lack of inhibition. You really wanted this, you wanted him. Your hand tightened its grip on his, your thumb slowly running along his skin.

“I love you, Anakin.” Your voice cane out hushed, as if you were afraid someone else would hear, even though you were alone.

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do

'Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school

But their lips met, and reservations started to pass

Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

“Are you sure that you want this? Are you ready to deal with the potential repercussions from the council? I just don’t want to hurt you, and I certainly don’t want to start anything that you aren’t ready for.”

You chuckled at his restraint. Still, you appreciated how much he cared for you. Clearly it was a lot, considering that you felt his desperation you through the force to just take you, but he was holding back anyways. For you.

“Believe me, Anakin. I’m ready. You don’t have to hold back.” You were looking at him with such lust, such need, that Anakin knew this was an invitation, and he accepted it with open arms.

Either way he wanted her and this was bad

He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy

Now a little crush turned into a like

And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

He pinned you back onto the bed, gathering your wrists into one hand. Frantically, as if he was afraid you would disappear, he nipped and sucked at your neck, leaving marks that he knew the council would notice. Neither of you cared anyways.

It didn’t matter what the council thought, Anakin was ravenous. He wanted all of you, and now with your enthusiastic permission, he was going to take it.

His free hand tangled into your hair and pulled your head back, giving him easier access to your neck. You were squirming, whining, you needed to be touched. You had waited for this just as long as he had, so he would keep the teasing to a minimum.

He let go of your wrists and hair, shooting you a warning glare. “Keep them there.” His voice was deep, dominant, and it shot daggers through you. This sent a shiver down to your core.

I want to hold you close

Skin pressed against me tight

Lie still, and close your eyes girl

So lovely, it feels so right

You were both stripped down now, his eyes traveling up your naked body. You were more beautiful than he could have ever pictured. His lips crashed forcefully against yours, and he slowly grinded against you. He needed to feel your skin pressed tightly against him, hust kike he had pictured before. Except this time, you were real. He was really feeling your skin against his and it felt so perfect and right and better than any sort of peace and serenity the Jedi talked about.

“Close your eyes, baby.” Anakin said in a hushed tone as he pulled away from your lips. Immediately and with a whimper, you obeyed. Anakin chuckled at this, your eager obedience. “Good girl.” He growled. A soft moan fell from your lips as you squirmed, but still keeping your hands firmly placed above your head.

I want to hold you close

Soft breasts, beating heart

As I whisper in your ear

One hand finally made contact with your throbbing clit, while the other went to play with your breasts. Your heartbeat was so strong and quick that Anakin could feel it when he played with your breast.

“Your heart is beating so fast, like a little bunny.” He pinched your nipple, somehow knowing the exact pressure to use and how much to tug it to make you moan.

A finger slipped inside of you, giving you some sort of realese of the pressure building in your cunt. Suddenly, Anakin’s breath was fanning over the side of your face. It tickled your ear and made you squirm more than you already are.

Gently, he placed a loving kiss to your cheek, before moving his hand from your breast to your throat and lightly squeezing, while he whispered in your ear,

“I want to fucking tear you apart.”

#ok so before anyone says anything i know that rabbits arent technically a thing in star wars #BUT i thought of that line and thought it was really hot so i used it anyways #anakin skywalker #star wars #fanfic #the clone wars #smut #anakin x reader #anakin smut

[ursoself-satisfying]

Friends Will Be Friends

they’re so cute ::””))) it's hard to find good gifs that fit this mood in particular lol rip

Roger centric (unrequited), officially John x Reader, sfw

A/N: based on a request!!! first angst piece yikes,,, this was supposed to be fluffy but appearently I cant do fluffy n now its angsty so thats fun,,, kind of a sequel to Thank God It’s Christmas, except now its new years yeet but u rly dont need to read anything beforehand this is an be a stand alone like all my fics theyre inherently connected in the universe in my head but not meant to be read in any order 

Warnings: none rly, language ofc, some emotional Rog,,,,, Brian n Fred r like mom n dad for a sec,, unrequited love n angst ;;((((

linking my playlist for my last fic cus it works here too!!! listen here ;;;)))

“Well, I don’t know, really, when we got here I was dragged off by some girls congratulating me,” you took a long sip of the pink champagne, bubbles rising as you threw your head back to finish it before continuing, “I didn’t even know them, actually.” After the drink, this being your- Well, you couldn’t remember but you’d had quite a few and you were starting to feel it. You inhibitions began to escape you, slowly buzzing out your ears like flies. Your senses were still decently sharp but everything was emitting a soft haze. You shook your head and looked at the man beside you with a snort. Roger laughed a bit as you said this, looking down at his bunching pants and smoothing them out then taking a drink of his own still full glass of the same drink. The party behind you was muted through the glass you sat beyond. When you turned to your friend, you could see his reflection in the window, over the bare backs of various guests pressed against the surface. Blinding lights of every color were magnified and you turned away from them after a moment, keeping Roger in your peripheral vision. It was odd but nice that he would sit with you like this. He was a party man yet here he was overlooking the streets and the sky from the chilly balcony with you after rescuing you from a rather unseemly conversation with some giddy female attendants in matching schoolgirl uniforms that barely covered their asses. It occurred to you Roger approached the group with ulterior motivates but in the end he left with you and that warmed you in the bite of the winter outside.

His eyes were caught on you for a moment like knit on velcro and he had to pull himself away as you held out your hand and admired the heavy stone shining on your left ring finger. Anyone could tell it was new to you with the way you fidgeted, spinning around your digits and sliding it up and down whenever you spoke. “It’s kind of funny, in a way,” you started, turning your hand so the metal band would reflect the bright lights from the party behind you, “that so many people found out so quickly and are having such- they’re all being so-” lips flattened into a thin line, you searched for a proper word to describe the situation you were in.

When you couldn’t seem to find an adequate adjective, your friend offered his help. “Jealous? Neurotic? Insufferable?” Roger leaned towards you, scooting closer on the wrought iron bench, one eyebrow raised and a goofy grin. You leaned towards him as well and with a roll of your eyes, hit his arm playfully and shook your head.

Was he wrong though? You blinked and laughed at him, “Be nice!” you scolded, to which the drummer responded with an innocent raise of his open palm and an exaggerated frown. “They’re all excited for me and, don’t get me wrong, I’m excited, too- I’m beyond!” You shrugged your shoulders a bit unsurely, “but- Oh, I don’t know.”

Your gaze was cast down and you sat in silence for a moment, your environment sinking into you. The sights and smells became clear in your pause, filling your nostrils with the traveling scents of burnt sugar and wet soil. Licking your lips before beginning again, you kept up an act, refusing to show any doubts that had seeded themselves in the pit of your stomach. It was easy for you to talk about your love for John, as you truly did love him with all your heart, mind, and soul. Even though you were scared of the change and uncertainty of what this future might bring, you were sure he would comfort you. So you spoke of him to fill in the empty air where you thought your enthusiasm should be, truth in every word but the conversation lacked substance. “He’s wonderful. He’s everything and I couldn’t live without him.” Roger didn’t look at you, or at least you thought he didn’t. It was like he was looking past you like you were there but he could see something more as you continued.

Roger watched you intently when you went silent. He didn’t speak. It looked as though you needed some quiet, or as much quiet as one could get at a trademark Freddie Mercury party. You seemed deep in thought and you looked beautiful in it. Slightly slouching and shivering now and again, you stared aimlessly ahead of you. Fireworks boomed overhead but they didn’t seem to shake you. The only stillness in a mile radius existed around in you right then.

Looking out over the moonlit garden of the mansion, glowing blue and green in the cold night, layers of snow draping the bushes like thick wool blankets and sparkling like the stars that shone brightly above, Roger sighed. It was a gorgeous view, the fireworks over the scene reflecting off all the fresh white flakes gathering in the yard, creating an effect akin to what he imagined people leaving on the Titanic saw. The woman beside him kept up her chatter, going on so sweetly about how in love with her future husband she was and he could practically feel the admiration on his cold exposed skin like lashes batting against him. The hairs on his arm rose when he thought about it, her lashes on his skin, long and soft and accompanied by something else entirely. His unhelpful imagination warped her loving words into whimpers and moans he wished he could hear every night, but every thought was partnered with weighted guilt and he shook them from his mind.

Her words still found their way to his ears like bluebirds in the spring settling on a freshly painted windowsill. “It’s a lot of attention, and I don’t mind the attention, you know that, but he does and I worry about him.” Though she makes jokes, her tone is laced with concern that sends a pang to Roger’s heart.

“You really love him?” He started but interrupted himself, catching himself before he got into a conversation he wasn’t sure he could handle hearing in his over-emotional, half drunken state. “That’s a stupid question, isn’t it?” He looked to you with a smile, though the difficulty of the action was seeping through his teeth like a syrup. With his elbows supporting him as he leaned on his knees, he finished his sparkling drink and chuckled softly. He had inched closer still and now the two of you were touching at the hip. Closeness wasn’t uncommon or uncomfortable given the proximity the band often existed in. You were included in that as often as you’d been with the band in these places, the backstage dressing rooms or clubs and trailers.

The man’s breath hitched when he felt a soft feathery object fall upon his shoulder. It was your head leaning on him, hair nuzzling into the crook of his neck. God, he couldn’t fucking stand it. He held still, still as the marble images around the edge of their view, not wanting you to move, so desperately not wanting to disturb you. He wished- He wished so many things were acceptable to do right then, to do to you, to tell you- “So, uh, where do you think your boyfriend’s gone off to now?”

The words fell out like a cough, rough and unwanted in his throat. He could never grow to hate the man you were to marry. In fact, he probably loved him nearly as much as you did, though in a different way, of course, but it hurt him to see you with someone else, anyone else. It hurt more knowing this feeling had only grown the more you were together and that the only reason you two were ever together was that you were with John. Without John, he never would have met you, but because of John, he would never get to experience you in any way he fantasized. Of course, you didn’t have a monopoly on his mind, it would be unfair of him to claim that as he had other women, other lovers, and girlfriends for long periods of time. You, though, you were always there, both physically and just as a thought in the back of his head.

You interrupted his spacing out when you moved your head off him. He suddenly ached for the contact, both for the warmth and the connection it brought to him. The worst part was the departure of your scents, the soft exotic fruits of your shampoo washed off the pads of his jacket when you sat up to speak. You turned to look up at the pink and orange sparkling fireworks erupting overhead, echoing through the empty vastness of the spacious snow covered green. The snow absorbed the reverb, though, making the ordeal slightly less startling. Roger’s round, sunken eyes were on you as your own eyes traced the path of the falling ashes, still glowing as they rained from above. The sparks landed softly on the ground at your feet and in the light hair of your current companion. He watched as bits put out in your own tousled waves, crowning you with a dirty halo like an angel bringing forth the chaos of a clean slate.

Your growing smile sent another jolt to through the musician’s vessels to his heart. “I imagine he’s probably been given a few too many drinks at this point and has danced himself to the point of passing out and is asleep on a futon somewhere.” The laugh that followed was like music to his ears, like a symphony of love and a bittersweet taste of an unattainable treasure. “It’s exactly what I expected him to do- It’s what we planned actually,” you laughed again, “but I’m just not there with him while he’s doing it.”

Your breathy chuckle died out and you wrapped your arms around yourself with a shiver, the winter around you finally finding it’s way beneath your festive but not protective clothing choices. To be fair, you hadn’t known nor expected to be spending the whole of the New Year’s party outside and open to the forces of nature. Roger nodded as you spoke, still not looking at you. The weight of entering the new year with the unending potential, i.e. expectation, of marriage made you anxiously already and your friend acting so strangely right beside you only made you feel worse. It was a happy holiday, though, for clean starts and letting go and you weren’t about to burden him with these thoughts of yours. He sat back and turned to you slowly, placing a delicate hand on your knee. His soft lips opened to speak when a familiar voice bled through the glass, loud enough to reach over the resounding music still playing, which meant it could only be the host himself.

“Alright, you wonderful people! Midnight is almost upon us so grab yourself a partner! We don’t want to be entering the new year alone, do we?” A crowd roared and booed in response and they all clamored to find someone to hold as they made the journey into January 1st. The two of you looked back at the commotion, then at each other. The space between you was pregnant with things unspoken and uncivil, the child of want and need and lack of better options. Lust and longing brewed on Roger’s end and confusion on yours. Whatever he had wanted to say seemed to slip his mind as your eyes met and for a moment he just looked at you in awe.

There went his heart again, fiddling with his emotions in ways it shouldn’t, hurting as he turned away from you. He checked the time on his watch and it was only minutes until the strike of midnight. He had two choices here and neither was going to absolve him of all his unhappiness, but one had more appeal than the other. Fuck, he thought, was he really this awful of a person? Removing his lingering hand from the woman’s leg, which he was so thankful you so kindly didn’t mention, he stood and looked back at you. Your attention turned to him in his movement and you looked up at him, eyes glimmering in the light of the flashing night sky. He’d imagined looking down at you like this many times, perhaps in a bit of a different situation, but often when he was alone, on tour, in the shower. Here you were, though, tipsy and clearly preoccupied, plagued by second thoughts on your commitment, he assumed, alone with him and you were beautiful. Glowing like the garden you gazed out at, brighter than the moon over the snow and the sprinkling sparkles of celebratory fireworks above your heads. Time was not his friend or it would have allowed him to meet you before his bandmate did. He supposed, though, with great melancholy disdain, that one couldn't change fate and he had determined it must have been fate between you and John. The two of you were perfect. His options at that moment were to give into himself or to not fight fate and he chose-

“C’mon, then, love, you heard the man. It’s almost midnight and you should be spending these first and last minutes with the love of your life. Well,” he winked, “the other love of your life.” His hand was extended to you and you took it graciously, standing up with hurried blinks, the booze you drank earlier rushing to your head. You caught yourself on him as your feet failed to hold you up straight. His arms wrapped around you as you collided with his chest. He swore under his breath, knowing this was God’s punishment for all the tantrums he’d had. His body was warm on your and you hummed at the exchange of heat, killing him a bit more. Roger could barely move, desperately not wanting to let you go but knowing he had to. He pushed you back up and held you so you stood before him. Your deep breath woke you up, the sharp night air fressing in your hot, alcohol coated lungs. You could barely hold your head up to look him in the eye.

The percussionist could see the sudden wave of extremely inconvenient tiredness roll over you and he prepared himself for the contact he craved, knowing it was temporary and for the good of his friends. “Let’s find your hubby-to-be, huh? Get that New Year’s kiss.” He said, scooped you under one arm to guide you into the maze of people that was the party. Upon entering, the man holding you did his best to keep you close, for your safety partially for his own satisfaction. To you, everything began blending together. You simply felt exhausted and you suspected it to be some physical manifestation of emotional fatigue after all the circles you ran around yourself pondering the unnecessary worries of marriage. Fingers that weren’t your dug into your side and you had to catch your breath everytime you felt palms press against your form and embrace you in order to guide you through the mass of excitable horny couples preparing for the bell to toll.

“Roger, what’re you doing, darling?” Fred’s voice came from behind and Roger jumped.

“Fuck, Fred!”

“Roger,” the host said again, unfazed by his reaction and moving to face the pair, “what are you doing?” His tone was more pointed this time and he crossed his arms, brows furrowed at the sight of his arms around the engaged woman. His fingers tapped against his arm and he blocked you from going any further. Your eyes were half open and vision growing blurry but you could make out Fred’s voice anywhere. You were still awake but you were,  in the nicest terms, out of it.

Roger scoffed and rolled his eyes, attempting to push past the singer, lowering his voice to speak into his ear as he passed, “It’s not like that, Fred, I’m finding her John.” Fred lowered his brow still and watch the couple shove through, passing him and heading to the cushioned seats in the center of the room. Fred shook his head, a cocktail of emotions raining over his features. Sympathy, pity, and disapproval all showed through his knowing glance back as he walked away.

The man holding you shook off the accusatory interaction with his bandmate and, reaching the cluster of chairs, spotted the poor bassist slumped against a wall. His fluffy hair was flat against the plaster wall behind him, leaning his head back and looking absolutely unfazed by anything happening around him. Frankly, Roger wasn’t even sure he was awake, eyes barely slits open. Then all the shit hit all the fans all at once, relative to Roger’s priorities.

“One more minute!” Someone yelled, and the bodies around him suddenly starting reacting, moving and jumping as excitement filled the air along with the odors of spilled beer and bodily sweat. Cursing, her gripped your slightly more awake form and shuffled towards where your lover was.

Now more awake than even before your drinks, jostled by the sound immersing you, you pulled back from the blonde holding you. Roger, losing your heat against him, turned back and spoke to you in the form a confused expression, arms raised as a question of why you disconnected. “Be my kiss,” you said, just loud enough for him to hear. You hadn't seen your other half, half awake at the end of the room. The time was ticking down and you were ready to give into booze filled bad ideas instead of overthinking this just as you had everything else tonight. “I don’t even know where John is,” you threw your hands up as you took a step towards Roger, who couldn’t take his eyes off you, “and it’s just you, Rog, he wouldn’t mind.” A smile graced your face with a small laugh, aiming to wash away the awkwardness of the suggestion, though it was meant to be innocent.

Or was it? Roger shuddered as another crack spread through his heart. Truly, this must have been a cruel joke. Kiss you? No, you only suggested it because you saw him as someone non-threatening and there would be no consequences. You saw him as someone you weren’t attracted to, he thought. True or not, that interpretation of your words hurt him, he hurt himself in thinking it. He wanted this so badly, but you and John were not even 20 ft from one another and neither of you saw each other. Maybe fate- No, he thought again, this wasn’t his place and it pained him to turn you down.

Without a word to you, the drummer turned and waved his hand in the air, calling your lover’s name. “John! JOHN!” Your hand was slipped into his in the process and together you made it to wherever it was Roger had seen the quiet man. Your face had lit up upon hearing John’s name and you eagerly followed your guide.

John was pulled from the deep recess of his mind as he stood entranced by the ceiling tiles, assuming you had found friends to party with and he hadn't wanted to intrude. His name was being called by an unmistakenly high pitched voice and he knit his brows, bouncing off the surface behind him to search the bobbing heads of the crowd counting down. A sweatband clad wrist waved excitedly at him and, what do you know, attached to that hand was a certain short-tempered drummer leading behind him-

“[Y/N]!” John called after you. The second he caught you in his sights, it was tunnel vision and he ran in your direction. Roger led you out of the densest mass and gave you a swift friendly swat on the backside as encourage you to meet your fiance. You squeaked, both at the swat and the sight of your lover. When he reached you, he completely engulfed you and you were left with nothing to know besides him. He was everything to do and every anxiety you had was gone at that moment, disappeared in a poof of smoke. Your arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, your face in his hair, smelling the drinks on him and loving every second of it. His large hands spread to shield the small of your back and hold you as close to him as possible.

The countdown began and the hundred of voices throughout the house chanted in unison, “Ten! Nine! Eight!”

John pulled away enough to look at your face and his own was distressed, “I’m sorry I didn’t find you earlier, I assumed you were having a good time elsewhere-”

“I’m always having a better time when I’m with you and it’s fine!” You laughed sympathetically, yelling over the loud countdown, “I got lost in the evening- In everything that was going on, and I-”

“I’m sorry!” He said, smiling weakly. He was so sweet and soft in the colorful lights melting over him.

“Four! Three! Two!”

“Shut up and kiss me-” And your lips collided with his. The clock struck midnight and it was a new year. The cheers around you, throughout the house, were earsplitting and no doubt the neighbors would have complaints, but no one cared. At that moment, everything was wiped clean. There was nothing but new opportunities and potential ahead of them and you finally came to terms with that. It helped to have your future husband caressing you and kissing you with such a passion you thought your lips would go numb. Nothing could have been better than being there in his embrace, you thought, and you mentally thanked Roger for dealing with you, distracting you, and helping you get to this point.

From behind you, Roger looked on with a smile, but as you two remained connected well past 12:01 AM January 1st, he left the scene. He tried to remember he had a woman, albeit one in a difficult relationship with him, and that he shouldn’t be having those thoughts about you at all. There were so many reasons why you were such a contradiction, so right yet so wrong, and it all made him crazier for you. He stepped back out onto the quieter space of the balcony where he’d been with you before. The cold felt like something he deserved. Not being able to stand to watch you exchange hot, open-mouthed kisses with someone else, though he’d never had one from you, was a ridiculous reason to leave his dear friend’s party, he thought. It didn’t stop him from stepping out, though.

The party inside died down as people passed out or left and the sun rose early that morning. Roger watched it, dark bags beneath his eyes a sign of his state. He remained outside, at some point having been given a blanket by a drunken guest immediately before they puked and passed out in said puke. The blanket was clean, thank God, and it was the only thing allowing him to stay where he was so long. The sunrise made him think of you, how bright you were. The birds that rose with the daylight reminded him of the harmony of your voice and the warmth he felt made him think of your body against his in any way possible What it year it was already, he thought, losing himself in inappropriate images of you. It was January 1st and Roger Meddows Taylor had started the year without a kiss and with an aching pain in his chest instead.

BONUS:

Upon finding himself the only one awake so early in the morning and having nothing to do, the lead guitarist instinctively began picking up. Streamers and bodies littered the floor among the confetti, sparkles, the leftover stick of shattered and spilled sugary drinks surrounded by a dangerous array of broken glass that shone with a misleading glimmer of beauty in the midmorning light. The trails of colorful debris had led him to the sliding glass doors of the balcony that open and closed with a low muffled click. Outside, though, was a sight the tall man hadn’t expected to see. His drummer, small and angry, was sound asleep on the bench coddled in a well-loved blanket. Head thrown back and mouth open, drool sliding down his cheek, he looked like a child and somewhere the standing man’s paternal instincts kicked in. Brian sat down beside the snoring blonde and put his arm around him. He was cold to the touch, the thin cover clearly not being enough to trap the heat to keep him comfortable.

His long languid fingers played upon his bandmate’s shoulder until it stirred him from his slumber. He jolted awake with a fearful, high pitched string of swears, frantically looking around until he saw the person beside him then proceeded to swat away any contact that had been made between the two of them. Brian laughed heartily and jumped a bit at the tired man’s reaction. “Fuck are you doing, mate?” Roger said, adjusting his posture and attempting to compose himself. He gingerly pulled the blanket tighter around him and shivered, now realizing how cold he was, as the new sun did very little to warm his aching body.

Looking on with worry in his eyes, though amusement ran through his face, Brian sucked on his teeth as he contemplated what would be the best curse of action in this delicate situation. “Fred told me he saw you with-”

“Oh, don’t start.” A disgusted Roger scoffed and turned towards his friend. Though he would never admit to the emotion behind his voice, the rings of hurt around his eyes made it clear something painful came from his heart.

Brian sat back a little, the cold of the metal bench sneaking through his coat and stinging his back. He understood the space Roger occupied, having once been there himself and it all seemed to work out wonderfully, but this, he admitted,  was a bit more complicated. He wasn’t sure if he should say anything, as his friend sniffled and wiped at his nose discreetly. He couldn’t hide his quivering lip, though.

Though he’d pushed him away before. Brian went again to wrap his arm around the drummer, tightly this time so he couldn't be removed, squeezing and rocking him back and forth as a method of comfort. Roger choked back a sob and his eyes wet against his will. He kept face, though, and remained still, staring out upon the bright melting snow of the growing green garden that reminded of so much of her. A rattled inhale preceded a raspy confession, “I love h-”

“You love John,” Brian interrupted, pretending not to hear what the shorted man was about to say, knowing if he let it out he would regret it and he wouldn’t let his friend make that mistake. “He’s one of your best friends and you love him, hm?” Sitting beside him, the curly mop of long dark hairs towered over his companion’s messy blonde wisps. He looked down at him with a stretched smile, but the other avoided making eye contact. “You love,” Brian sighed, “that he has found someone who makes him so happy. Sometimes they mess up, but don’t we all?” Knowing to raise his brows as he spoke, the guitar player gave his childish friend one last squeeze on the arm then rose and looked out over the greenery below with him. “Don’t h-” He trailed off for a moment, then pushed his eyeline down, turning halfway to the still sitting musician. His hand held his chin in thought before he continued, “Don’t make any mistakes you’ll regret.” The response was thought out and he sends the percussionist a message of sympathy and understanding in his lopsided grin and squinted eyes. With a nod, he exited the balcony, leaving one last pat on Roger’s shoulder.

Roger took a moment to consider the ominous advice of his friend. He thought of all people to tell him something nice, it would have been Brian, for whom a situation much like his own actually ended well. He was disappointed in what he’d said. He did love John, like a little brother. Aren’t brothers just awful, though? The chilly air dried out his tongue as he breathed open-mouthed, nose blocked with clear snot that he would deny was ever there. The tears he couldn’t stop though. One by one, silent streaks cleared their way down the sides of his face from his soft blue eyes. “Quite the predicament,” he said softly to himself, biting back any unattractive noises that dared to climb up his throat. He let out a final conclusion in a pained smile and quiet voice, “Fuck.”

#queen #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bohrhap #she has a voice!!! #new blog #john deacon #roger taylor #joe mazzello #brian may #film #ben hardy #fanfic #gwilym lee #freddie mercury #reader insert #mine #joe mazzello x reader #requests are open #deaky #queen x reader #ben hardy x reader #freddy mercury #rami malek #john deacon x reader #requested #requests #roger taylor x reader #angst wow #new years

[adambstingus]

5 Tips To Stick With A Gym Routine Long After The Free Classes Expire

I was 15 years old, standing in front of 20 individuals two to three times my age with dumbbells at their feet, staring at me and waiting for the next instruction.

It was my first time teaching a class, and my armpit sweat stains were particularly large.

My mouth was dry, and my face was bright red.

Although I was pretty sure I had passed through puberty, my cracking voice had me doubting even that truth.

But I did it.

I gave them a badass workout, and that threw me down a career path of personal training and fitness.

Since that first class, Ive seen many new clients come through our studio doors, looking vibrant and smiling from ear to ear.

They are so excited to begin their new exercise program.

They light up with how good they’re going to look in a few short months from now.

Pretty soon, all their friends will gather around to stare at their shredded eight-packs in awe.

Then they come in for session number two, and they arrive with a little less enthusiasm.

They move with some stiffness, and they arent as excited to be there.

Then, thats it.

No session number three.

No session number four.

Theyre gone.

I cant blame them. Ive tried and failed at countless life changes.

Ive failed at routines for fitness, nutrition, meditation, visualization, blogging, stretching and so much more.

Sh*t, I changed my college major four times before I finally graduated.

As many clients disappeared over time, I realized it wasnt nutrition, squats or kettle bells that kept people from looking and feeling better.

It was willpower and self-discipline.

We know salad is probably a better option than a burger for lunch, protein shakes are likely a better option than Cheetos and squats are better than couches (for our health, not our enjoyment).

As I built up more of my own shame from having the willpower and attention span of a 6-year-old, I began to wonder if there was something that could be done to overcome those barriers.

What can people do to stick with a program and really change their lives?

Why is it so hard to add new habits, and why do old habits die so hard?

Suck it up, and push harder?

Dont be a pushover, perhaps?

No, those words of wisdom make me want to curl up into a ball and give up trying to change forever.

So as I dug into some psychology reading and tactics for change, I found some things that helped me and my clients on our journeys for changes.

Here are some things you should try next time you embark on a change in your life:

1. Make small wins.

In psychology, there is this idea of chunking.

Chunking is the breaking up of big tasks into smaller, less daunting ones.

You can try tojust seta goal to wear your Lululemon gear around your house.

For the first week, just put on your workout clothes. Thats it.

Then on week two, put on your Lulu outfit and actually leave the house.

It’s notnecessarily to go exercise, but to get those small feelings of achievement.

You havent even gone to the gym yet!

But, youre building small habits and small wins that give you momentum to stick with your exercise program in the long term.

So many people write exhaustive workout programs rather than breaking it down into smaller, more attainable mini-programs.

For example, if you dont workout at all, theres no way youll stick with a plan to lift weights four timesper week, go on 5-mile jog twiceper week and run sprints every other day.

Instead, try to exercise one day per week, and build from there.

Dr. Jade Teta, founder of Metabolic Effect, always says,

The perfect plan that is not possible to do is not the perfect plan.

2. Prep your day.

Get in the habit of planning your tomorrow during today.

By writing out the activities you plan to do and then preparing for those activities the night before, you are much more likely to accomplish what you set out to do.

For me, I’ll write down what time I will blog in the morning and for how long, and which pair of comfortable underwear I will rock.

I set my coffee pot to go off 10 minutes before I wake up, and I have a list of five to six things Ill do that day.

I always execute on that plan right down to the undies.

But when simply I think about blogging, I often times come up short.

Students who actually write down the time and place they are going to study ahead of time will more likely actually study when the time comes.

These sorts of planning exercises release endorphins in your brain that get you excited for the activity ahead.

What time will you go to the gym? Are your exercise clothes laid out?

3. Make deposits in your willpower bank.

In her book, “The Willpower Instinct:How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, And What You Can Do to Get More Of It,” Professor Kelly McGonigal (winking at you, “Harry Potter” fans) talks about how willpower is exhaustible.

Its like a bank account: You can make deposits and withdrawals, and you can overdraft, too.

But instead of overdraft fees, your body pays by crushing a pizza or by drinking too much and hooking up with a particular individual you may not have otherwise chosen.

Anytime you make a conscious decision throughout the day, you are withdrawing from your daily willpower bank account.

The bigger the decision, or the more mental effort it takes, the more of your willpower money is withdrawn from your account.

This is why romantic affairs are more likely to happen at night after a long day of work, and that pizza is more appetizing at 6 pm than 6 am.

This is why tactics like preparing the night before and building momentum from small wins are so important.

Habits, momentum and preparations takelittle to no effort, and therefore, you’ll leave your willpower bank full to spend on other, more taxing activities.

There are also ways to make deposits into your daily willpower bank.

These can be activities like power naps, meditation, nature walks, having a conversation with a friend or a short, intense workout.

These things can build your willpower throughout the day, and they can increase the amount of willpower you have when you’re considering whether you actually want to invite someoneback to your apartment.

4. Shape your environment.

When I was 20 years old, I dropped out of school and moved in with my older sister and her husband, who both own fitness companies.

I went from having beer in my college fridge to seeing SanPellegrino when I opened the fridge door.

The popcorn in my cabinets was replaced with protein powder and oats.

The people surrounding me went from asking me about parties and girls to asking me about the most recent business and psychology books Ive read.

This shift in my environment completely changed my life and was a huge key to change.

I was now eating different things, spending my time differently, reading books, exercising more, writing, making more money and doing personal training.

Take inventory of the foods in your house, the people you hang out with and places you visit.

Shape your environment to help your goals, not hurt them.

5. Ask, Whats my resistance story?

Any time you make a change in life, youre going to be met with some resistance and discomfort.

This is completely normal. Everybody feels this way.

The difference between those who successfully change and those who dont liesin the story they tell about what that resistance means.

Research on persistence says that during tough times,there are two types of people: those whofail, and those whosucceed.

The first groupwhotends to fail or quit will tellthemselves thingslike, Its not worth it,Im too busy,It isnt for me orI just wasnt meant to do this.

The second group whosucceeds and pushes through the period of resistance will tell themselves thingslike, Pain is weakness leaving the body,”Its going to be so rewarding when I get there,Its worth it orNo pain, no gain.

Neither story is the absolute truth. They just lead to different results.

Being apessimist leads to quitting yet another program.

Being aoptimist provides the will needed to push pass the temporary discomfort.

Whats your resistance story?

Listen to the story you tell yourself when you get tothose inevitable hard times.

Once you become aware of your story, you have the power to change it.

When you change your story, youll eventually get there.

You will succeed, and all your friends will gather around to stare at your shredded eight-pack in awe.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-tips-to-stick-with-a-gym-routine-long-after-the-free-classes-expire/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/170256151512

[allofbeercom]

5 Tips To Stick With A Gym Routine Long After The Free Classes Expire

I was 15 years old, standing in front of 20 individuals two to three times my age with dumbbells at their feet, staring at me and waiting for the next instruction.

It was my first time teaching a class, and my armpit sweat stains were particularly large.

My mouth was dry, and my face was bright red.

Although I was pretty sure I had passed through puberty, my cracking voice had me doubting even that truth.

But I did it.

I gave them a badass workout, and that threw me down a career path of personal training and fitness.

Since that first class, Ive seen many new clients come through our studio doors, looking vibrant and smiling from ear to ear.

They are so excited to begin their new exercise program.

They light up with how good they’re going to look in a few short months from now.

Pretty soon, all their friends will gather around to stare at their shredded eight-packs in awe.

Then they come in for session number two, and they arrive with a little less enthusiasm.

They move with some stiffness, and they arent as excited to be there.

Then, thats it.

No session number three.

No session number four.

Theyre gone.

I cant blame them. Ive tried and failed at countless life changes.

Ive failed at routines for fitness, nutrition, meditation, visualization, blogging, stretching and so much more.

Sh*t, I changed my college major four times before I finally graduated.

As many clients disappeared over time, I realized it wasnt nutrition, squats or kettle bells that kept people from looking and feeling better.

It was willpower and self-discipline.

We know salad is probably a better option than a burger for lunch, protein shakes are likely a better option than Cheetos and squats are better than couches (for our health, not our enjoyment).

As I built up more of my own shame from having the willpower and attention span of a 6-year-old, I began to wonder if there was something that could be done to overcome those barriers.

What can people do to stick with a program and really change their lives?

Why is it so hard to add new habits, and why do old habits die so hard?

Suck it up, and push harder?

Dont be a pushover, perhaps?

No, those words of wisdom make me want to curl up into a ball and give up trying to change forever.

So as I dug into some psychology reading and tactics for change, I found some things that helped me and my clients on our journeys for changes.

Here are some things you should try next time you embark on a change in your life:

1. Make small wins.

In psychology, there is this idea of chunking.

Chunking is the breaking up of big tasks into smaller, less daunting ones.

You can try tojust seta goal to wear your Lululemon gear around your house.

For the first week, just put on your workout clothes. Thats it.

Then on week two, put on your Lulu outfit and actually leave the house.

It’s notnecessarily to go exercise, but to get those small feelings of achievement.

You havent even gone to the gym yet!

But, youre building small habits and small wins that give you momentum to stick with your exercise program in the long term.

So many people write exhaustive workout programs rather than breaking it down into smaller, more attainable mini-programs.

For example, if you dont workout at all, theres no way youll stick with a plan to lift weights four timesper week, go on 5-mile jog twiceper week and run sprints every other day.

Instead, try to exercise one day per week, and build from there.

Dr. Jade Teta, founder of Metabolic Effect, always says,

The perfect plan that is not possible to do is not the perfect plan.

2. Prep your day.

Get in the habit of planning your tomorrow during today.

By writing out the activities you plan to do and then preparing for those activities the night before, you are much more likely to accomplish what you set out to do.

For me, I’ll write down what time I will blog in the morning and for how long, and which pair of comfortable underwear I will rock.

I set my coffee pot to go off 10 minutes before I wake up, and I have a list of five to six things Ill do that day.

I always execute on that plan right down to the undies.

But when simply I think about blogging, I often times come up short.

Students who actually write down the time and place they are going to study ahead of time will more likely actually study when the time comes.

These sorts of planning exercises release endorphins in your brain that get you excited for the activity ahead.

What time will you go to the gym? Are your exercise clothes laid out?

3. Make deposits in your willpower bank.

In her book, “The Willpower Instinct:How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, And What You Can Do to Get More Of It,” Professor Kelly McGonigal (winking at you, “Harry Potter” fans) talks about how willpower is exhaustible.

Its like a bank account: You can make deposits and withdrawals, and you can overdraft, too.

But instead of overdraft fees, your body pays by crushing a pizza or by drinking too much and hooking up with a particular individual you may not have otherwise chosen.

Anytime you make a conscious decision throughout the day, you are withdrawing from your daily willpower bank account.

The bigger the decision, or the more mental effort it takes, the more of your willpower money is withdrawn from your account.

This is why romantic affairs are more likely to happen at night after a long day of work, and that pizza is more appetizing at 6 pm than 6 am.

This is why tactics like preparing the night before and building momentum from small wins are so important.

Habits, momentum and preparations takelittle to no effort, and therefore, you’ll leave your willpower bank full to spend on other, more taxing activities.

There are also ways to make deposits into your daily willpower bank.

These can be activities like power naps, meditation, nature walks, having a conversation with a friend or a short, intense workout.

These things can build your willpower throughout the day, and they can increase the amount of willpower you have when you’re considering whether you actually want to invite someoneback to your apartment.

4. Shape your environment.

When I was 20 years old, I dropped out of school and moved in with my older sister and her husband, who both own fitness companies.

I went from having beer in my college fridge to seeing SanPellegrino when I opened the fridge door.

The popcorn in my cabinets was replaced with protein powder and oats.

The people surrounding me went from asking me about parties and girls to asking me about the most recent business and psychology books Ive read.

This shift in my environment completely changed my life and was a huge key to change.

I was now eating different things, spending my time differently, reading books, exercising more, writing, making more money and doing personal training.

Take inventory of the foods in your house, the people you hang out with and places you visit.

Shape your environment to help your goals, not hurt them.

5. Ask, Whats my resistance story?

Any time you make a change in life, youre going to be met with some resistance and discomfort.

This is completely normal. Everybody feels this way.

The difference between those who successfully change and those who dont liesin the story they tell about what that resistance means.

Research on persistence says that during tough times,there are two types of people: those whofail, and those whosucceed.

The first groupwhotends to fail or quit will tellthemselves thingslike, Its not worth it,Im too busy,It isnt for me orI just wasnt meant to do this.

The second group whosucceeds and pushes through the period of resistance will tell themselves thingslike, Pain is weakness leaving the body,”Its going to be so rewarding when I get there,Its worth it orNo pain, no gain.

Neither story is the absolute truth. They just lead to different results.

Being apessimist leads to quitting yet another program.

Being aoptimist provides the will needed to push pass the temporary discomfort.

Whats your resistance story?

Listen to the story you tell yourself when you get tothose inevitable hard times.

Once you become aware of your story, you have the power to change it.

When you change your story, youll eventually get there.

You will succeed, and all your friends will gather around to stare at your shredded eight-pack in awe.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-tips-to-stick-with-a-gym-routine-long-after-the-free-classes-expire/