Wine Drunk while watching Godzilla vs Kong
Some major spoilers up ahead!
Mans really just annoyed the shit out of his coworker until he left so he could hack shit, huh?...I love it! 🤣🤣
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You mean to tell me that the explanation for why Godzilla attacked the one tech company site by the dude who studied Kaiju communication and behavior for a living is just, “sometimes people (and creatures) change”???? Like some dumbass justifying a toxic person/relationship??? Like excuse me???? Why are the literal teenagers making more sense than you?????
Also, we’re all in agreement that this facility is either housing Ghidora’s dead head, Mecha Godzilla, or Mecha Ghidora, right?!?
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Lol! “Apex Cybernetics!” That’s not foreshadowing! 🤣
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Apparently, I didn’t get my fill of white nonsense from Falcon and Winter Soldier, bc someone decided to put this blonde-hair-blue-eyed little bitch in charge! That’s not ganna go wrong somehow. 🙃😑👀
Like this bitch literally wanted to send a fucking child into unexplored hollow earth territory without a second thought! 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I was literally like 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 for that entire convo.
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I’m sorry! This conspiracy man just met these teenagers, and his first impulse was, “yeah, theses seem like some good people to break into a tech conglomerate with!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Why are these people surprised Kong knows sign language? These are people who study Kaiju (and presumably other animals in order to draw conclusions about certain behaviors) for a fucking living!!! We have primate species that recognize and communicate in sign language already! Why is this surprising???!?! Like...has NO ONE except this precious child tried this????
Also, nothing bad better happen to this child.
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That ship literally fucked around, and Godzilla let it find out! Lmao!
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Kong: Hey, Godzilla...look at me...
Godzilla: >:[
Kong: ...bitch.
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Precious girl: Thank you, friend 🧏🏽♀️
Kong: ☺️😴
THIS GIRL IS TOO PRECIOUS!!!!
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Bitch-ass White Man: How’s Kong with heights?
BITCH, you really ganna try that?!?! You really think you ganna find any aircraft(s) that are ganna be able to support all that weight?? Never mind any other problems with Kong trying to nope the fuck out of that situation and all kind of other hosts of problems!
And if you do somehow have one (or multiple) WHY TF DIDN’T YOU USE THAT BEFORE KNOWING FULL AND WELL YOU RAN THE RISK OF GODZILLA MERCING KONG’S ASS IF YOU TRAVELED VIA SHIP!?!?!?!
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Down the Hell Naw tunnel we go!
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“I think it’s romantic,”
I fucking love Millie Bobbie Brown’s character!! 🤣❤️🤣
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WHY IS THIS TEENAGER SMARTER THAN EVERYBODY OMG!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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“This is page one in the ‘Playing God’ handbook, right?”
I’ve decided I love this character! 🤣
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WHY YOU GETTING INSIDE THAT THING—Oh god! 😨 Why y’all got eggs!?!? This is like if Weyland-Yutani succeeded in getting Xenomorphs! 😬
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Oop! Locked in! THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HIDE OUT IN MYSTERIOUS ROOMS!!!!
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Oh shit! Apex Cybernetics think they on that Wakanda shit now!
Also, why was that one Apex Cybernetics bitch bitching about how one of those HEAV crafts could power Vagas for a week if y’all clearly have a whole network or transportation using this tech!
And I never understood how tech companies kept that shit to world domination shit! Build a public transportation system with that shit! Boss man said he likes ideas that make him rich! Pretty sure that would do the trick!
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WINE BREAK!!!
Saving the rest of the last bottle for coking Gumbo, so gotta open up a new bottle
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Aw, Kong is so sick of this bullshit! 😂😭
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“It’s not working”
Bruh! Give it more that two seconds!
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HOW DARE Y’ALL USE KONG’S LOSS AGAINST HIM!!!! HOW DARE Y’ALL!!!
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HEAV go Brrrrrrr Shoooooooooooom!!!!
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LMAO!!! Monarch has their own brand of bottled water!?!?! Idk why that amuses me so much!
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This hallow earth portal thing is some Pacific Rim bullshit right here, lol!
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NYOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM
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Are we...are we really Ice Age: Dawn of Dinosaur-ing this shit rn??? 😂😂😂
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“It’s beautiful,”
Of course it’s beautiful! No hoomins have touched it! Lol
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Y’ALL GOT FUCKIN DRAGONS IN THIS BITCH!?!?!?!!! 8D YO!!! SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!!!!
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*marvels at the creature creation ideas*
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Kong’s first thought: *nom the dragon guts*
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THE ROCK HAND OMG IM GANNA CRY!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 It’s the same gesture the Precious Girl did OMG!!!!
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“We going in?”
“Yeah”
The BALLS on this child!
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“AAAAHH 😐”
*fear*
LMAO!!!!! I’M FUCKIN WHEEZING!!!
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“Sacrifice Pit”
OMG 🤣🤣🤣
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I KNEW IT!!!! MECHA-GODZILLA MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!! 8DDDDD
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YO PACIFIC RIM RAN SO MECHA-GODZILLA COULD FUCKIN SPRINT!!!!!!!!
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YO IT’S A GOOD THING I AIN’T SEEING THIS IN THEATERS BC I’D BE FLIPPING MY SHIT!!!!
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“Humanity, once again, will be the apex species,”
THERE it is!
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Why Mecha-Godzilla so skeeny?!? He need ta be thicc if he ganna take down REAL Godzilla!
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*Ryan Bergera conspiracy voice* Is this the real reason Kong was contained!? So this douche could snatch up Skull Crawlers without Kong intervention???
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OH SHIT!!! I think this thing is emitting alpha waves (or whatever we’re calling it) and THAT’s what set Godzilla off!!! He fought Ghidorah, heard this shit and went, “Nu-uh, bitch! NOT AGAIN!!!”
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Monarch dude: Yo, Godzilla’s headed to Hong Kong for some reason?
FUCKIN CALLED IT!!!
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This look like the door to fuckin General Grievous’s lair,da fuq?!? 🤣🤣🤣
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I got waaay too emotional over that handprint, y’all! 😭😭😭
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Y’all, the fucking art history major in me is fuckin screaming at this temple scene! The fact that some of these Kaiju not only had the urge and drive and capacity to build a fucking temple around this power source or some shit and create weapons like the axe that Kong just fucking Excalibured the shit out of that one skull crawler’s skull fucking implies the fact that there is intelligent civilization amongst these fucking Kaiju and all that shit! I want to know more about this shit! Take that you fucking racist-ass white historian motherfuckers!
(Note: I definitely needed to use talk to text for much of this bit, because there was no way I was going to be able to contain all my excitement in just typing, alone, lmao)
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BRUH!!! Why y’all exiting g the HEAV without no breathing apparatus or lead suits or nothing!?!?! In previous movies, y’all implied that these Kaiju lived in environments in which their environments were hella radioactive compared to our own!!!
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Kong is s the true heir to the iron throne, Lmao!
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FUCKING CALLED IT!!!! THEY HAD GHIDORA’S REMAINS IN THERE SOMEWHERE!!!!
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OH FUCK!!!! Y’ALL AINT JUST SENDING OUT ALPHA VIBES WITH YOUR MECHA-GODZILLA!!!! YOU SOMEHOW USING GHIDORA’S HIVE MIND OR TELEPATHY SHIT TO DO IT!?!?!?! AAAWWWWW SHEEEEEET!!! Y’ALL ARE BONED NOW!!!! FUCKIN BONEROWNED!!!!
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Godzilla! My bruh! My dude! You didn’t HAVE TO get up right where that bridge was!!! 😂😂 Ya douche bag!!!
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At the same time, tho, I can just hear him going, “Ah! FUCK! NOT AGAIN!!! Sunova bitch!! Motherfuckin!! STOP BUILDING sHIT SO DAMN HIGH!!! Goddammit!”
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You know, with all the Bright twinkly lights in Hong Kong, I can’t help but think of the sequel to the original Gojira movie ( that I can’t remember the title of ,rn) where he was fucking triggered by fucking lights. And I wonder if this little scene where he’s stomping all through Hong Kong is a tribute to that or whatever. But I’m probably overthinking it.
[Sober Edit: it was Godzilla Raids Again]
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*GASP* HOLY SIHIIIT!!! The axe is made out of Godzilla skute!?!?! GOLY BALLS THAT’S NOT ONLY COOL BUT CONTRIBUTES MORE TO THE FACT THAT THESE KAIJU (likely Kong’s species, in particular) WERE REALLY FUCKING INTELLIGENT AMD TJOUGHT, “Imma beat this muthafucka with their own spiky thing! Bc that’s what screws us over, so, why WOULD’nt it hurt them!?!” I need SO MUCH MORE of this Kaiju/Kong culture studied and shit! HOLY FUCK!!!
It even fucking glows!! Like ... they managed to fucking piece together that its glow was a fucking warning sign like Sting or some shit!!!! Holy fuck!!!!
Also, how does that work? How are the skutes still connected even after dismemberment???
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NO FUCKIN WAY WRE YOU—AAAAAAAAHHH!!! Excalibur that shit my boi!!!!
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I FUCKIN LOVE YHIS MOVIE HOLY SHIT!!!
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“ that’s Apex property now,”
Excuse me bitch! Are we really not gonna listen to the scientist who saying “hey we don’t understand the shit out of this fucking power! Maybe we should hold off on taking some fucking samples!”
Are we really just gonna ignore that shit???????
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Kong said: TRY ME BITCH!!!!
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Oh thank the GODS this Serizawa dude is taking precautions like his old man! Also, what is his relation to Ken Watanabe’s Serizawa!?!?!
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UH OH!! SOLDIER DUDES GETTIN ATE!!!
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OH SHIT!!! PILOT JUST GOT ATE!!! FUCKIN DRAGON BASEMENT UP IN THIS SHIT!!!
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BITCH YOU REALLY GON THROW A ROCK AT IT!!! FUCKIN NONSENSE OF THIS BITCH!!!
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LOVE AND FITE ME ENERGY IS STORED IN THE ATOMIC BREATH
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“Shoot him!”
WHY!!!???!! He literally had NO problem with you before then!!!
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Why does white man who don’t know anything about this vehicle suddenly know how to pilot this shit!???!?!!!!!
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Y’all love had SO MUCH wine!
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The FUCK this dude got a flip flop phone for!!!?!????!!!?
Da fuq!?!?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yeah that’s the most unrealistic part of this entire fucking movie! Not the fuckin Kaiju robots. Not the fucking hollow earth bullshit! The fucking flip phone! LMFAO!!!!
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“Maintenance! I’M MAINTENANCE!!! This bitch ain’t buying it”
That made me laugh WAY FUCKIN harder that it should have!!!!
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Y’all really ganna try to shoot at a kid!?! REALLY!?!?!??!
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GAWD, I’m so glad I impulse bought these oatmeal bites from Dominos! 🤤😋
[Sober Edit: I have no idea how my autocorrect managed to convert “Parmesan” to “oatmeal,” but okay! 😆😅]
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Kong be like, “Hey, bitch!!! You lookin’ for me!?!?”
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Find you a partner that bites your neck like Godzilla does! Lmao!
Sorry, I’ll be crawling back into my hell hole, now.
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EAT YOUR FOOKIN VEGETABLES GODZILLA!!!!!
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Did Godzilla just axe throw with his fuckin teefs!!!????!?!?!
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THIS IS THE FOOKIN MONSTER VS MONSTER FIGHTS IVE BEEN CRAVING SINCE KING OF THE MONSTERS HOLY SHIT!!!!
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“Really? Groupies, again?”
First of all, again!?! What happened last time???
Secondly, where tf are YOUR grpupies, asshole! No need to judge! Ya cunt!
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“There can only be one alpha,”
Really! You really gotta bring your toxic masculinity into a fuckin monster fight, my dude!?!
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Kong said, “Yeet! YEET SELF!!!”
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I am living for the feral fight scenes!!!!
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Kong’s expression , tho! 🤣🤣🤣
Like, “Can you ducking NOT, Godzilla?!? Can you, like, fucking chill??!!? Aight, fine! ASDASHKLSDJKLDZJL ADKLKDZDJ!!!!!!”
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Awwwww! Godzilla let Kong go, bc he knows what it’s like to be the last of his species! 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭
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“This is how we [...] win!”
Oh, honey, you ‘bout to die! Lmao! 😂
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Oh god! I knew he was going to use the sign for “coward” at the most inappropriate time! Lmao! At least the Precious Girls is smart enough to know what Dumbass White Man means, lol
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Oh, thank god we do t see this dumbass in any sequels!
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Dammit, he escaped!
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This girl is too good!
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Did y’all really think you were ganna break into a semi-sentient Mecha-Godzilla by GUESSING ITS FUCKING PASSWORD!!?!?!?!!!!???? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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YEAH!!!! TEAM-UP COMING THROUGH!!!!!
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“I was hoping to die with adults, but that’s okay,”
🤣🤣🤣
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“I’VE GOT TO DIE WITB YOU AND SOBER!!?!?!”
GOD, I love this movie!!!!
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OOOOOOHHHH HOLY SHIT!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱 He powering up the axe!!!!!
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YOOOOOO KONG WENT PREDATOR/YOUTJA ON MECHA-GODZILLA’s ASS!!!!
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Kong said, “I’m done, y’all! Imma take a nap!”
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“Dad. Uh...Bernie.”
I fucking love Bernie!!! 😂😂😂😂
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JIA NOOOO!!! Don’t go running between two disgruntled Kaiju bby!!
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Yo, why do monsters have less toxic masculinity than we do??? Lol!
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Yaaaaaay! Kong has a new home!!
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WELP!!! I fucking loved this movie, and I highly recommend it to everyone!!!
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