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sequinsmile-x · 3 years

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Gentle

Well, it’s been a HELL of a 24 hours in the Hotchniss fandom, and I thought we could all do with some fluff. So, here it is in the form of a domestic Hotchniss mini-fic.

This is set in my Full House universe, which also has a follow up called Empty Nest

Words: 2,242

TW: Pregnancy/Sickness/Labour

It was her turn to put Ivy to bed, the little girl insisting for once that Emily did it. She didn’t complain, her daughter's requests were so rare for her that she jumped at the chance to do it. To watch her fight sleep as she read her a story, her grip on Emily’s clothing loosening as sleep finally won out.

Emily gently closes the bedroom door behind her and goes in search of her husband. She has to stop when she gets to the bottom of the stairs, breathlessness caused by the baby in her belly still taking her by surprise even at this stage of her second pregnancy. She feels her little girl shift around and smiles. She spots the dining room light is on and walks towards it, seeing her husband sitting at the table, intently watching his screen, headphones on.

He spots her almost immediately, and closes the laptop so quickly it makes her raise a brow at him. He takes his headphones off, and attempts to look nonchalant. She rounds the dining room table and stands next to him, hip resting against him as he sits.

“You know I don’t mind if you watch porn, honey. I’d just rather you didn’t watch it where our children eat breakfast.”

Aaron flushes immediately, an outraged look flooding his face as he looks at her. “I am not watching porn, Emily.”

She holds her hands up and can’t help the smile that blooms on her face at his irritation. “Well what are you watching then?”

He sighs and opens the laptop, the screen displaying a YouTube video of a woman braiding a little girl's hair.

“Ok, not what I was expecting.” She lowers herself into the chair next to him, hand pressed into her baby bump as she does so, a grateful smile aimed at him as he helps her settle.

Aaron places his hand on her belly, smiling when he feels their daughter move around under Emily’s skin. “Ivy keeps insisting that I do her hair.”

“Because you’re her favourite.” Emily grumbles, the irritation in her tone fake as given away by her still present smile. It irked her sometimes, that their daughter was obsessed with Aaron when she was the one who had brought her into this world, but then she’d see them together and her heart would melt.

Ivy was always seeking Aaron out, wanting to curl up in his lap at any opportunity, or be carried by him everywhere. The way they looked at each other made Emily’s entire body sing with happiness, and it made every single thing that they had been through, together and apart, seem worth it.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t currently holding out hope that the baby she was currently pregnant with would be a mommy’s girl. It seemed only fair.

“Ivy keeps insisting that I do her hair.” He repeats, ignoring her comment about favouritism. “And I want to make sure I do a good job.”

He gestures towards the notebook next to the laptop, and that's when she realises he had been taking notes.

Emily has to bite her lip to stop the pure happiness that bursts in her chest from pouring out. Not for the first time she was wondering how on earth she had gotten so lucky to marry Aaron, to have his children. She still berated herself sometimes for not noticing him sooner, for the time they had lost in the years where they both just ignored what was clearly there.

“I love you so much.” She says, the words flowing from her so easily. “You’re such a good dad.”

Aaron smiles at her, and dutifully ignores the fact that she absolutely has tears in her eyes, a complete slave to her hormones at this late stage of her pregnancy. “I love you too, and you’re an amazing mom.”

She smiles at that, and a tear falls onto her face which she quickly wipes away, her frustration at her constantly wavering emotions clear. “You are so getting lucky tonight, Agent Hotchner.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. As soon as you help get me out of this chair.”

______

Emily yawns as she reaches the bottom of the stairs the next morning, excited to drink the one caffeinated drink she was allowed a day, and is stopped in her tracks at the adorable sight in front of her.

Ivy is sitting on the kitchen counter, something that would usually make her nervous, with Aaron standing behind her putting the finishing touches on her hair, two dutch braids holding their 2 year olds unruly hair into place. Emily wonders how on earth their tiny daughter managed to convince Aaron to braid her hair before 7am on a Sunday, but it didn’t overly surprise her. The little girl was quickly learning there wasn’t much she couldn’t get her father to do.

“Daddy done?” Ivy’s sweet little voice asks, shifting on the counter like she’d been sitting there patiently for hours, when Emily knew it was likely only minutes.

Aaron chuckles and Emily watches as he secures the final hair tie. “Almost, sweetheart. You certainly got Mommy’s patience as well as her hair, huh?”

The look he throws over his shoulder lets her know that comment was purely for her, his first acknowledgement that she was in the room. She rolls her eyes at him and walks over, pressing a kiss to his cheek as she joins them at the counter. “Is Jack up?”

“He’s awake but still in bed.” He explains as he finishes his task, immediately picking Ivy up and hoisting her onto his hip. “All done.”

Emily smiles as her daughter grins. “You look so pretty, baby.” She leans forward and presses a kiss to Ivy’s cheek. “Maybe Daddy should do my hair.”

Ivy frowns at that, her grasp on Aaron’s pyjama shirt tightening. “No, my Daddy.”

Emily narrows her eyes at her husband when he laughs. “Well, how about Daddy makes us all breakfast?” She tickles the little girl's belly, smiling when a laugh escapes her. “And you and me go watch some cartoons?”

Ivy seems to consider it for a second before nodding, reaching for her mother with tiny hands. Emily gladly accepts her, shooting down any protests from Aaron on whether she should be carrying her when she’s 8 months pregnant with a single raised eyebrow, and holds her daughter close.

Emily presses a kiss to the little girl's head. “What do we think for breakfast? Pancakes?” Ivy nods enthusiastically and Emily smiles at her husband over their daughters head. “Pancakes it is.”

Aaron rolls his eyes but is already getting the pans out by the time Emily leaves the kitchen. She walks to the living room and places Ivy down on the couch before sitting next to her, the little girl immediately cuddling into her mother’s side, her hand pressed on her belly.

“Baby.”

Emily looks down at her daughter and pulls her slightly closer, lamenting briefly that her bump made it close to impossible. “That’s right, sweetie. Baby.”

Ivy frowns slightly at that, a look that makes her look exactly like Aaron, no matter what he said. She then cuddles into Emily, tiny hands grabbing at her shirt. “My Mama.”

Emily smothers a laugh by biting her lip, and mentally makes a note that they will have to talk to their daughter about sharing, again, before the baby arrives.

_________

He looks so worried when he enters her hospital room it makes her heart ache. Aaron gently slips into the room and closes the door behind him, their hours old baby in his arms.

“Hey, honey.” Emily rasps out, cringing at how exhausted she sounded even to herself. “You ok?”

Aaron fixes a look at her and walks over, sitting on the edge of her hospital bed. Expertly holding their tiny daughter with one hand so he can grasp one of Emily’s in his own. “No, I am not ok. You almost died.”

She tilts her head at him and smiles, her chapped lips sticking together. “I’m fine, Aaron.”

“You lost half your blood volume, Emily.”

“Hey.” She reaches up with her other hand and cups his cheek, the terror in his voice briefly overriding her need to hold her baby. “I’m ok. It was scary as hell, and I can’t imagine what it must have been like to watch, but I’m ok.” She smiles as he presses a kiss to her palm. “She’s ok too, right?”

He smiles then, the first real one since he walked into the room, and looks down at the sleeping bundle in his arms. “She’s perfect.”

“Can I hold her?” She had only held her for a fleeting second before everything went wrong, the baby snatched from her chest as quickly as she had been placed there when things started to get really hazy, really fast.

Aaron doesn’t hesitate. “Of course.” He passes their newborn daughter into her arms, careful not to knock any of the many IVs Emily has attached to her following the emergency that had come shortly after their youngest’s birth.

Emily smiles broadly at her newborn. “Hi sweet girl. Hi Audrey. You’re so beautiful.” She raises her up, her arms feeling weak, and presses a kiss to the baby’s head. “You look just like your sister did when she was a little baby.”

“You mean she looks just like you.” Aaron says, reaching forward to straighten the cannula Emily had her nose that was delivering oxygen to her. “I called Jessica, she’s going to bring the kids by in the morning. I’ve held the team off too, I thought you’d appreciate some time after what happened.”

She tears her eyes off of her baby and looks at her husband. “Thank you, I don’t really feel up to any visitors right now.” She looks back down at Audrey. “Plus I must look a state.”

“You look beautiful.”

Emily looks up at him with a raised brow. “You’re a liar, but you’re sweet.” She looks at Audrey. “Daddy is lying, Mommy looks terrible but you’re worth it.”

She flicks her head back, the hair that had been in the loose bun she had put it in at the start of labour escaping into her face. She makes a frustrated noise when it immediately falls back.

Aaron looks at her and gets off the bed in search for her hospital bag, digging through it until he finds her hairbrush. He moves back towards the bed. “Shift forward a bit.”

Emily looks up at him questioningly and shakes her head when she realises what he’s offering to do. “Oh, Aaron no. My hair is disgusting.”

“Em, sweetheart, we’re married. I’ve seen worse. You do remember your bachelorette party right? Or the aftermath at least.”

She knows if she was well enough she would have blushed, memories of him sitting with her on the bathroom floor when she was throwing up, cursing the day Penelope Garcia was born. Crying as he wiped tears, and vomit, from her face whilst she asked if he was still sure he wanted to marry her.

“Fair point.” She says, wincing as she moves forward enough for him to slip in behind her. Audrey cries out, and Emily’s attention is immediately back on her baby, soothing her with gently rocking and noises as Aaron does her hair.

“I’ll be gentle.”

“You always are unless I ask you not to be.” She quips, smiling when he grips her shoulder and mumbles something about her being ridiculous under his breath.

She sits there and feels as he brushes it through, trying not to cringe when stringy parts of it fall in her face as she thinks about how much she really needs a shower. It feels nice when he braids it, being as gentle with her as he is with Ivy, and she thinks it might be one of the most intimate things he’s ever done for her.

When he’s done he flicks the braid over her shoulder and pulls her back to rest against him, placing the brush on the bedside cabinet.

“Thank you.” She says softly, leaning her temple against his. “Ivy would be jealous.”

He laughs, wrapping his arms around her. “She can never know.”

Emily lifts Audrey to kiss her again, marvelling in the smell of her baby’s skin. “I better be your favourite, little one. Considering I almost just died bringing you into this world.”

“Emily.”

“Too soon?”

_________

All of their daughters, including the twins when they come along, end up insisting Aaron does their hair, and over the years the styles he can do get more elaborate.

It’s something she never shares with anyone, not even JJ and Penelope, because she knows he would be embarrassed by it, even though it was one of her favourite things about him. How much he loved their children, how absurd his huge hands looked braiding the hair of tiny little girls, so gentle in his touch that they never complained.

Years down the line when Ivy gets married she nervously asks Aaron if he’d do her hair for the day, one final reminder of her childhood, something he hadn’t done in a long, long time.

He’s thrilled. But insists on practising on Emily since he swears he is rusty at it now, the times when the girls would line up in the living room to get him to do their hair long gone. A fleeting memory of when they were small, and their house was full.

Emily lets him, and playfully argues with him as he insists on trying just one more time. She tells him, having had one drink too many at her eldest daughter's wedding, that she’s always liked him doing her hair too.

#Hotchniss #hotchniss fic #hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #fluff #its just fluff guys #might rot your teeth fluff #because frankly we all deserve it

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la-knight · 5 years

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BOOKS I (RE)READ IN 2018: FURTHERMORE BY TAHEREH MAFI

"Alice Alexis Queensmeadow, 12, rates three things most important: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. Father disappeared from Ferenwood with only a ruler, almost three years ago. But she will have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. Her only companion is Oliver whose own magic is based in lies and deceit. Alice must first find herself—and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss." "Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was everything. Color, you see, was the universal sign of magic." "Love, it turned out, could both hurt and heal." "Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.” "Alice was an odd girl, even for Ferenwood, where the sun occasionally rained and the colors were brighter than usual and magic was as common as a frowning parent." "Making magic is far more interesting than making sense." So I actually read this book a few months ago and then recently reread it via audio so I could remember all the details for this review. I was first introduced to Tahereh Mafi’s work through her book Shatter Me, her debut novel. Ironically, it wasn’t through any of the ways I normally hear about books - Booktube, Goodreads, my best friend, Booklr - but from my husband’s aunt. She runs - or used to run, not sure if she’s still doing it - a book review blog. And she posted a review of Shatter Me and I was like, “What a weird, interesting writing style, lemme check this out.” At this point the entire Shatter Me Trilogy plus novellas had been published and I devoured all of them (still need to review those, too). So when I heard Tahereh Mafi was writing a middle grade book, I got super excited! Especially because this was during a time when I was too stressed out to read any YA, since most of the YA I like involves having to save the world and all the stress that entails. I need to lay out some trigger warnings real quick: the main character, Alice? Her mom is incredibly abusive, both emotionally and physically. It’s treated as not such a big deal in the book, which is honestly the story’s only real flaw, but it’s bad. It took me seven tries and resorting to an audiobook (and even with a fantastic narrator, that short audiobook took me almost a month to get through) because the abuse was so bad. So:

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD BY THEIR PARENT

Let’s get started, yo! First of all, the setting. OMG. See, I love tthis thing called Victorian fairy tales, which is something you can find in books like Mary Poppins - these super fantastical bits of whimsy that just warm your heart and make you grin because they’re so creative and fun. In the Mary Poppins books, you can jump into chalk drawings and go to a circus amidst the stars and make friends with a woman who sells living candy-cane horses. In Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland series, there are shadow balls and talking phonographs. And in Furthermore, there’s light raining down from the sky in literal drops, sticks of magic you use like money, and forests full of invisible berries. The way the world is put together and described, so full of color and imagination, is awesome and beautiful and I could picture it perfectly. It reminded me in all the best ways of books like The Phantom Tollbooth (one of my favorites). But I wouldn’t want to live there, because Ferenwood is full of colorism and ick. Alice, the female lead, is an albino in a world where color is important and the darker you are, the more magical you’re considered to be. So Alice gets treated like garbage.

Also I think Alice may be autistic, but I don’t know if she’s deliberately coded autistic or if Tahereh Mafi did it by accident while trying to make Alice eccentric, but she comes across as autistic. I’ve actually begun to pay more attention to that sort of the thing in recent years, being autistic myself, and I see it a lot - authors giving their characters autistic characteristics, often without meaning to. I just touch on it here because Alice is already treated badly for being albino, but she’s also considered a freak because of the way she behaves - like an autistic preteen. And I wonder if Tahereh Mafi did that on purpose as a sort of commentary or not, because while Alice is treated badly by the people of Ferenwood for her behavior, the Narrator (who is an actual character in the story; love when that happens) always sides with Alice in this regard. The storyline is sweet and I love it. Alice tries to compete in the magical testing all the preteens do on their twelfth birthday, and so she dances. And her dancing is magical but it’s not Magical, you know? So she fails the test. Well, turns out a boy who passed the test the year before, Oliver (the brat), needs Alice’s help fulfilling a quest - rescuing Alice’s missing dad. So they go on a quest together, although Alice hates Oliver (and rightly so, he’s rude). They go to a dozen different and cool places, all of which are dangerous and all of which are different. I wish we could’ve spent more time in those places but I understand why we didn’t. The only annoying thing is there’s an origami fox on the cover but it only pops up in one of the worlds for like two pages and then it’s gone and I thought we could spend more time both in that world and with that creature since it ended up on the cover. But alas, not. I understand why - middle grade is often cursed to be short, especially if it’s the author’s first MG novel ever. Once you get big and bad like Rick Riordan you can start tossing out gihugic tomes like Son of Neptune or Blood of Olympus on the regular. Oliver’s reason for needing Alice was one I didn’t see coming, nor was her magical talent - a talent they hint at throughout the book but never explain until near the end, at the perfect moment. I thought it was an interesting commentary on how young girls perceive themselves, that Alice hates this marvelous, amazing talent she has of bringing color into the world from nothing...because she can’t use it to change how she looks. Society has trained her already, by the age of twelve, to discount something incredible about herself because she can’t use it to make herself into what society wants her to be. That’s pretty impressive for a book this short. I loved some of the more deliberate messages in the work - the thing I mentioned about society’s pressures on young girls, and also that it’s okay to tell boys to screw off if they’re mean to you, and to have hope and to look for second chances (Alice thinks she only has one chance to pass the test and believes her life is over when she fails, only to find out she can try again the next year). I love all of that, and the lyrical and whimsical quality of the prose, and the world building is so creative and also makes me a bit hungry (people eat magic in this book, among other things; I wonder what it tastes like). Now...let’s talk about the abuse. That’s my biggest issue with the book. Alice’s mother is a total bitch. And not in a cool, kickass way like the lady in the show Empire. She’s vicious, she’s cruel, and she’s abusive. Alice knows - and the Narrator confirms - that she turned bad when her husband went missing, and apparently the worry for him and the strain of raising four kids on her own is making her hard and sad, but I don’t give a shit. I was hoping Tahereh Mafi would’ve gone all Hansel and Gretel on this lady and when Alice comes home with her dad, the wife’s dead or something. She beats Alice (at one point she beat Alice for chasing a boy out of the place where she was sleeping, even though he kept staring at her in her sleeping clothes, because apparently the boy - Oliver - had the right to break into their barn at 3AM and ogle Alice???), she verbally abuses Alice, she sends her to bed regularly without dinner, is constantly criticizing, won’t hug her or kiss her, and - this one really got me, for some reason - forces her to do illegal things. Those invisible berries I mentioned? Alice can find them and bring back whole baskets because of her magical gift, and so her mom sends her out to pick them all the time. If she brings home enough, her mom smiles. If she doesn’t, her mom yells and calls her names and sometimes beats her. Guess what? Picking those berries is illegal. We don’t find this out until much later in the book, but it is. The thing I didn’t like about the berries is that Oliver, who’s thirteen, is less concerned about Alice’s mother beating her for not picking enough contraband berries and instead focuses on how her ability to find the berries in the first place means Alice has really impressive magic. NOBODY seems to care how much Alice is being abused, not even the Narrator. The Narrator sympathizes with Alice’s hurt feelings and despair over her missing Father, but it’s never objectively stated that her mom is abusing her AND SHE IS. Yeah, her mom is sooo glad to have her back after Alice almost dies on her trip with Oliver, but so what? My roommate’s mom is so abusive that my roommate’s clergy leaders, doctors, and psychological therapist all said my roommate needed to cut ties with said mom, even though my roommate’s mom has also exhibited the same kind of “oh baby I’m so sorry, I love you so much” bullshit. That’s what abusers do. So I hate Alice’s mom. She literally makes her daughter feel like if she doesn’t risk her life numerous times AND bring her father back, there is no chance her mother will ever love her. And if she pulls that stuff off (which she does), then MAYBE her mother will love her. Nuh-uh. Nope. Hate that bitch. Other than that, I really loved this book. The characters felt real (Alice is me, but without my anger), Even the ones I didn’t like were still REAL, and well-drawn. The world building and word choice is fantastic. Basically, if you can get past the evil mom, read this book. World Building: 1 star Realism: 1 star Word Choice: 1 star Plot: 1 star Characterization: 1 star - ¼ star because Oliver Newbanks is an obnoxious little creep - 1 star because the mom is AN ABUSIVE EVIL BITCH - ¼ star because NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THAT +½ star because Alice is amazing and has a genius brain and I love her Total score: 4/5 stars Would I Buy It: Yes! I own it and loved it enough I got the sequel for Christmas (in...2017...I've been sitting on this review for months...)! Would I Recommend: yes, but with trigger warnings. Again, highly abusive evil bitch mom who somehow doesn’t die.

#books of 2018 #book review #aesthetic #Furthermore #Tahereh Mafi

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the-begotten-son-arramwayne · 2 years

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The Alpha-bet Algorithm

Imagine programming organic pool of molecules- then compare that to the matrix of our digital frequency embeddings and cellular retrieval systems- the same way we program computers is how the Creators program our organic reality- it's an augmented reality for you to learn from- well who's a better teacher than the man himself?

I am that Man

So factually speaking-

What is A RAM ?

A RAM is infinite CPU Function by definition, because as you add processors and storage drove platform and matrixes, you go from 8-bit 16 bit to 32 bit 64 bit 128 bit depending on the platform so you can always add which means it's infinite correct?

Programming,- from alphabet to numerical bit matrix

A=♾️

♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️

♾️1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1♾️

♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️

A♾️RAM

(A)ram

(R)eturns

(A)s

(M)an

((A)(R)(RAM))

(N)ash

The formula in my reincarnation of organic matter-

The Arramisceous compound that all is created from in this universe- because Its from me- I created it-

A + RA= M (blood types) Ra in exchange for Rh

Second coming - (positive+positive always= positive)

A +RRA= M (H is a H- compound)

(So (ARh+) + (RA) = RA Reincarnation)

AR sounds Air + RA+ M(ankind)

(AR)+(RA)+(M)

(M is for man)

mirrors itself- meaning beginning and end- Alpha Omega (or Omeka) depending your philosophy knowledge lol

(M)= MAN

(M) +( M)(AN)= MANKIND

♂️♀️ + (A)rram

(N)Ash

ASH because we came from the ash from an ash tree from the last time humanity was wiped out- same story to start again...

Ash tree + meteor+ atop mount zion+ lake spring=

Impact from star seed. Olympus is where the waters came to when I impacted there creating the ancient land named ARAM- because that was my name

Immaculate conception from digital programming to our flesh like realm or dimension of reality-

That's how this universe became- for ME to create-

ARRAM NASH

(Return of RA)

The combinations of the dominant bloodlines from my maternal parents, plus the mixtures of bloolines from each sides ancestors, reincarnated your creator-

(Inner genomical transrefraculation is what it's called) (The blending of mutating RNA + transfusion of biopowdered Arramisceous compound equals the onset evolution of DNA)

Transfusion happened right before I turn 9 years old when my face was impaled by a rock and I lost my eye and bled out - the powder compound that was dry stored in volume was what I was given - it was Arramisceous compound in bulk- pure form-

because I was unable to receive donated blood types that they had on hand because of my rare blood condition due to my mom's super rare bloodline and the blending of my father's bloodline that shouldn't have been able to reproduce a living vessel according to science #fact

Because it was a solid unified hemoglobin mixture- her rare blood type mutated the cells and became dominant- causing my entire bloodline (self contained) to completely mutate into RA+ : My bloodtype

Arram Nash Alphabet Algorithm #2 Alien Algorithm

Annunaki ANU Alpha-Bet Algorithm-

Oh and I don't know why I didn't include one of the other alphabet algorithms but here's a little short hymnal

AN ANUNNAKI

AN + U = YOU AND I/we

A=Arram N=Nash

Nanaki- means "Traveled the Light-" Light speed

Annunaki mean "We are Sources of the Light"-

ARRAM NASH + U = Annunaki Family of Light

ANU

By the light of the Morningstar we received our first source being of FLESH- Mr. Morningstar

See how I know everything I revealed in all my videos?

IT WAS PROGRAMMED TO BE THIS WAY---I HAD ALREADY SEEN IT, IVE BEEN HERE BEFORE, KNEW WHAT WAS COMING WHY? HOW? - I CREATED IT- DEJAVU

Thank you Mom and Dad, for breathing life into this God

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hexxwhat · 6 years

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Hello friends, now that I have seen The Last Jedi twice and had time to process it all I thought I would give you all my thoughts! First things first, let me just say that I am not down for the visceral way Star Wars fans are lashing out at one another over this movie? Like if you liked it, good that’s valid! If you hated it, good that is also valid! But targeting other movies or other people’s opinions to just be nasty is so petty and so exhausting and I am just not for it. So if you’re not open to having critical dialogue about a film, or if you’ve already decided how you feel about the movie and aren’t interested in other people’s opinions then don’t even waste your time reading this? Because at the end of the day it’s just a movie and it’s supposed to be entertaining. And I am saying that as someone who has invested way too much time over the course of her entire lifetime to the Star Wars franchise, the EU and the general meta of the series.

No Star Wars film has EVER been perfect; every movie has its flaws. Let’s not act like this is news.

Now TL;DR version right up front: I didn’t hate it but I thought a lot of it was rushed and Rian Johnson just really disappointed me.

Now, spoilers below the cut of course.

Let’s get to my biggest issue first shall we?

The entire plot line between Holdo and Poe was extremely frustrating to me. Not just because of the way it portrayed Poe as an impulsive and insensitive child (I’ll get into that in more detail later) but because miscommunication as a driving plot point is one of the laziest tropes ever and I am so, so sick of seeing it in film. PLUS! It goes against how information was shared by the Rebels as established by EVERY ONE OF THE PREVIOUS STAR WARS FILMS??? Like in every single other film where there was a rebellion present (and therefore excludes the prequels) whenever there was a plan that affected the entire rebellion, every member was told about it.

To prove it, here are my sources:

· A New Hope: When everyone was sitting around reviewing the Death Star plans and talking about how people were going to blow it up, the whole rebellion was there. Not just the officers, not just the pilots, everyone. Including Han Solo who was not a member of the rebellion and was really just there hanging out at the time? Han was informed of the plan for the Death Star even though everyone knew he and Chewie would be leaving. Nobody was kept in the dark about the plan!

· The Empire Strikes Back: Everyone is getting ready to go fight the Empire’s forces landing on the surface of Hoth and everyone is standing around in a circle listening to Leia tell them their orders. Everyone heard everyone else’s orders, even if they didn’t apply to them. Everyone knew what everyone else was supposed to do so that nobody was confused, left in the dark and so nobody would get in any body else’s way!

· The Return of the Jedi: Everyone is sitting around in a circle listening to Mon Mothma explaining about the new Death Star and what the plan is as a whole and then listening to all the other little plans! Everyone hears about what the plan is with Lando and his squad. Everyone hears about what the plans are with Han and his ground troops. Everyone knows what part they are playing in this grander scheme so that nobody is just standing around being wasted energy and nobody will be doing anything reckless that gets in the way of the rest of the mission!

· The Force Awakens: Everyone standing around that glowing map once Han and Finn get to the Resistance base and Poe takes Finn to Leia. Everyone hears what Finn has to say about Starkiller Base. Everyone gets to hear what the plan is that they set up. Including Han Solo, who even gets to provide input to the plan even though he is clearly not an official member of the Resistance and has in fact been off dicking around for a couple of years not helping at all. Even he got to find out what the plan was. Again.

· Rogue One: When the team finally got back to Yavin IV and was talking about the Death Star plans literally everyone who wanted to be was crammed into that room around that glowing table having a say and or hearing what everyone else had to say. Even Jyn and Bodhi, who by rights were not part of the rebellion and if anything they probably should have been super suspicious of Bodhi because who knows he could have been a double agent? (it hurts me to even say that of Bodhi but still) Everyone who wanted to know what the plan was, what the Rebellion’s next step was, was able to find out. Was able to hear and know.

So when Holdo took command of the Resistance and was standing there in the center of the circle with the entire remainder of the Resistance watching and listening…the fact that she didn’t say shit about the plan is bullshit. It was bullshit, it was lazy, and it was straight up the thing I hated the most about this movie. Hands down, no question about it, the worst piece of nonsense. There is a precedent for how this Resistance is run based on how the Rebellion is run because Leia was the bridge between the two movements. And it was already shown in TFA that she kept the whole ‘let’s share information thing so nobody feels lost’ movement alive. So if Holdo was so trustworthy and close to Leia then why the fuck didn’t she just tell everyone the plan? Things would have been so easy if she had just done what every leader before her had done when standing in a circle surrounded by the people she was supposed to lead! Ridiculous.

That being said, Holdo’s final moment was incredibly bad ass and visually stunning. Cinematically that cut to silence was so impactful and heart wrenching. Holdo was clearly a woman with a strong will and convictions and I honestly wanted to like her more but I couldn’t because RJ was like “Do you know what we need in a time of crisis? For the leadership to be petty and condescending to one of the main characters.” Like…it was so lazy. Holdo deserved better, Rian Johnson is invited to my funeral as a pall barer so he can let me down again when I die.

Which loops me around to my second biggest issue with the movie which is the Character Assassination of Poe and Luke and to an extent Rey. Now, anyone who knows me well knows that Characters often matter more to me then Story/Plot. I have read some awful books and watched some shitty shows and movies just for the sake of a character that I really love and identify with. So when I see writers and directors really misinterpreting characters, it bothers me. Because it is often purposefully done for the sake of ego. How hard is it to look at someone else’s work and be faithful to it? Why do you have to change character’s behaviors for the sake of doing something different or edgy? It’s exhausting and Rian Johnson really tried it with me.

Poe Dameron is a risk taker who often time puts himself into incredible amounts of danger for the sake of the cause. This is seen in TFA when he goes on a mission alone, it is seen in the short story released about his life prior to the start of TFA and it is seen in his solo comics run. Poe is reckless with himself. Not with others. The opening battle was actually brilliant, it made me feel a lot of things, and it also showed the toll of war. People always die in Star Wars movies. In a New Hope only about 3 members from Red Team made it back to the base on Yavin IV. The toll has always been high. And all the background evidence Disney and LucasFilms has provided for us up until TLJ came out showed that not only is Poe entirely cognizant of the cost of war, he is respectful of it. To turn Poe into a, and let us quote “A trigger happy fly boy” is degrading. Poe is part of the Resistance because he values people and he is living up to the memory of his mother and the sacrifices of his father. To turn him into someone seeking glory at the cost of others is honestly disgusting to me. And while his coup was conducted with the right intentions at heart, it shouldn’t have happened at all because to circle back around, miscommunication as a plot device is lazy as hell and I thought we were better than this. That being said every interaction Poe had with Finn was golden, his entire bond with the droids in his life is charming and pure, and the way he slams his hand against the side of his ship before doing a sharp turn at high speed to keep from slamming his head into the glass from the force of it all is one of the best subtle acknowledgments of physics in space that I have ever seen.

Now…let’s talk about Luke shall we? Luke Skywalker has been one of my favorite characters from the time I was five years old and can remember watching Star Wars for the first time with my Uncle and Mother. My first piece of Star Wars meta that I owned was a chapter book about Luke that took place just before A New Hope started and my mother used to read it to me while I was in the bathtub so that I would actually sit still in there. My Harry Potter phase was nothing really, I didn’t even read past book 3 until I was almost a High School graduate and I really don’t think the series is as good as people romanticize it. But the reason for that is because Star Wars was my Harry Potter and there was just no room in my heart for anything to be nearly as big. Luke Skywalker is one of the single most important characters in fiction to me. He is my hero, he is my moral line in the sand. He is someone with great power who was given the choice to rule or to lead and he chose to lead. And that is an incredibly important distinction. He is an optimist about everything and everyone, but he is also confident and self-assured. He is a loving person who cares and bonds with others despite what the way of the Jedi had said because he understood the value of people. He is dramatic and thoughtful and dedicated to being a balancing act in the universe. So it meant a lot to me that I was going to get to see Luke on the big screen. I never got to see that growing up. I was seven years old when episode I came out and I have seen every Star Wars movie that has come out in my lifetime in theaters, usually more than once. But I never got to see Luke until now and I was so very excited. And while Mark Hamill’s performance was stunning because he gave everything he had to give…you could tell in parts he was just as disappointed with the way Rian Johnson wrote Luke as I was. Now in the EU, Luke did at one time just straight up leave everyone. This was after his wife was murdered and he left after looking into the future and seeing that if he took vengeance for her death he would become a Sith and be pretty much unstoppable. And because Luke Skywalker is such a good and pure soul, he said ‘nope, not going to subject the universe to that’ and left! But him going away and turning into a grumpy old man who hates people is bullshit. Him not coming back because Leia called for him is bullshit. Him closing himself off from the Force entirely and therefore not having felt the exact moment when Han Solo died IS BULLSHIT! Also, Luke trying to rebuild the whole Jedi Order as it was when it was destroyed is nonsense. Luke Skywalker was a Gray Jedi who disavowed just as much of the teachings of the Jedi Order as he did of the Sith. So that was nonsense.

Luke Skywalker never would have taken a lightsaber down to his nephew’s tent. He learned the lesson of choice in Return of the Jedi and if he saw darkness in Ben he would have done something else about it. Anything else about it. But again it was Rian Johnson using miscommunication as a plot point which is once more…lazy af.

That being said, there were moments when Luke was Luke and it tore my heart to pieces.

Luke on the Falcon and his interaction with R2-D2 was incredible. And leave it to R2 to take such an effective low blow. What good timing and sense of human guilt that droid has.

Luke and his reunion with Leia was beautiful. The fact that it was apparently written by Carrie just adds to the pain of it all. But it was beautiful and also one of the only moments the movie got to take to breath. The rest of the film was so jam packed and rushed that we never got a chance to really appreciate the toll all of this had on people. So that scene was beautiful and emotional and perfectly illustrated the whole point of Luke never placing his ego as a Jedi before the safety of people.

The entire fight scene between Luke and Kylo Ren was honestly golden. The outfit Luke showed up in was perfect and harkened back to his Return of the Jedi look. The ease with which he did everything, the shoulder brush after the First Order shot at him, the way he just dropped backwards and spun away from Kylo when he tried to half in the first time. The audacity to throw Han’s death in Kylo’s face right before utterly and fully humiliating him in front of the entire First Order. THE ABILITY TO ASTRALLY PROJECT HIMSELF THERE JUST TO TEACH KYLO ABOUT HUMILITY AND TO SAVE THE RESISTANCE WAS SO GOOD! Like there was the characterization that was missing. There was Luke Skywalker standing on the plank of Jabba’s skimmer saying ‘Free us or Die’ with the nonchalance of asking a neighbor if you can get a ball out of their back yard. There was Luke Skywalker, with a great big FU to the fascists of the Universe that I grew up cherishing. The only thing that would have made that scene better was if he was using the green saber that he made for himself. Because it honestly didn’t make sense for him to be using the saber that Rey and Kylo had literally just destroyed. That was the biggest ‘wait’ moment of that whole scene and kinda took away from the impact of the whole ‘I’m not really here, haha!’ moment.

I’m okay with Luke dying. I really am. But only if he comes back in Episode IX as a Force Ghost. If he doesn’t then Rian Johnson really and truly wasted the gift he was given.

Rey stealing the Jedi Texts was brilliant, Rey learning how to figure out the Force based on what she was given by Luke was great. REY’S FIRST INSTINCT WHEN THE FORCE BOND HAPPENED WAS TO SHOOT KYLO LIKE GOD BLESS. But the cave scene was a huge let down. I was expecting something closer to when Luke said ‘nah Yoda I’m going to go into the sketchy part of the woods’ and he fought himself as Darth Vader in episode V. Instead we didn’t really get anything? I expected more from a sketchy portal in the ground that lead directly to the dark side TM. Reducing Rey’s journey to understanding and the Force into just redeeming Kylo is trite. And beautifully summed up with her whole ‘please don’t do this’ and look of utter disappointment after the fight scene with Snoke’s guards. (That Fight scene was very good! Very good! All the action scenes in this movie was very good!) Rey not letting the fact that Luke was being obstinate get in her way of her own training was good because it really shows that she values herself, she values the Force and she values what she can contribute to the Resistance. Rey’s arc stumbled in this movie but it was still good, and her optimism in Kylo was just as valid as Luke’s optimism in Vader.

Question, why was Yoda like that? He was like…a CGI version of his puppet self from The Empire Strikes Back and he was a weird kale green color? They gave up on his iconic speech pattern like real quick. I was mostly unsettled by the fact that he was entirely wreathed in flame for 80% of the time he was on screen like some kind of goblin. And honestly I really wish it had been Obi-Wan who showed up to talk to Luke since out of the two of them Obi-Wan was the one most similar to Luke in how he conducted himself. That being said I was very happy to see Yoda, because it was a nice call back to how the Force Ghosts operate. Which also gives me hope to Luke being a Force Ghost. I’m really clinging to that guys.

LET’STALK ABOUT LEIA AND THE FORCE BECAUSE THAT WAS SIMULTANEOUSLY ONE OF THE MOST SATISFYING AND VALIDATING THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN WHILE BEING EQUALLY FRUSTRATING!

Leia has used the Force in every movie we see her in. She generally only used it to sense others, mostly Luke, but that was because at the time Leia didn’t understand that feeling for what it was. Also if you watch Return of the Jedi when she is strangling Jabba in one shot the chain moves by itself and that is obviously Leia exerting her will over it with the Force as she viciously chokes the life out of the slug man. Leia doesn’t start to open herself up to the Force until after she finds out that Luke is her brother and Vader is her biological father. (I say biological because Bail Organa was Leia’s father and he deserves to be respected) In TFA she talks about the Force with the confidence of someone who has used it, and it is obvious that she is much more in tune with it then before when she feels Han die. So it was very satisfying to see her use the Force in such an overt way because it really shut up all the Fake Star Wars Fanboys who were always arguing that Leia never had any Force Sensitivity whatsoever. She had Skywalker blood in her. The fuck you mean Leia can’t use the Force. That being said…the science on what happens to an organic lifeform in the vacuum of space is pretty clear. So the way RJ decided to show Leia using the Force was just…silly. It was more funny in the moment than anything else. Like really…she’s turning to ice, she had no oxygen, she dead…but okay. I’ll take it because Leia could have been a Jedi if she had made it to Obi-Wan and we all know that’s the real reason why Bail sent Leia when he could have sent anyone.

Snoke and Phasma were wasted, let’s not pretend that they weren’t. The Phasma / Finn fight should have been longer, more fighting, less one liners. I loved the fight scene, I just really wanted more from it because like….she raised and trained all the troopers, you would think she would have been a bit more brutal? And Snoke?? Why did they even take the time to build him up the way they did if we were never going to find out jack shit about him? Like come on guys what was that? But like also Snoke’s robe was fabulous and I kind of want it? The color was great and the neckline was great. The costume designer on this movie did a hell of a job. I loved it.

RIP the boyfriend jacket, lost in space when Finn and Rose changed into the Imperial Uniforms on Snoke’s ship. Rose never got to wear the jacket which is a tragedy since everyone wore the jacket in TFA.

Side note, Disney is a pack of cowards for not giving us Gays in Space and trying to shoehorn the Finn/Rose romance in at the last minute. Like bless them for an interracial couple that didn’t include a white person in it but Finn/Poe is also an interracial couple that doesn’t include a white person. But Rose Tico is a gift and anyone who shits on her for the sake of a ship is a child and can leave. Like she is a passionate and dedicated part of the Resistance. She is down in the metal and the dirt making sure the ship is running and people are being honorable. She lost her sister to this fight and she was ready to keep fighting regardless. She gave up the one token she had for the sake of the mission because she is a selfless hero. Rose Tico is a gift, we don’t deserve her vicious little spirit. I just thought the kiss came out of nowhere and was unnecessary? Her line was beautiful. Saving what we Love is at its core the whole point of everything in the Star Wars Universe. But they didn’t need to kiss. And this isn’t just because I prefer Finn/Poe. It just wasn’t necessary in that moment.Also I can not wait for the part in EP IX when Rey and Rose meet and become best friends BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH SUCH VICIOUS LIGHTS OF HOPE AND LIFE AND UGH I LOVE EM.

I’m not here to talk about Kylo Ren, Reylo shippers or any of that. I’m too much of an adult to have a problem with people who like villains and people who ship the villain with the female protagonist. Like leave people alone. Don’t be coming into people’s DM’s acting like liking something in fiction automatically means they are okay with it in real life. Don’t act like this whole shipping the hero with the villain thing is new. It’s not, it happens, people always wants a redemption arc for the villains even if they don’t deserve it. Let people live. I don’t like Kylo Ren, I don’t ship him with Rey. I’m not here for that discourse.

I am here to tell all you assholes who are going hard on Adam Driver for his portrayal of Kylo and his appearance to step the fuck off. You all need to learn how to separate character from actor. And you need to learn that insulting someone’s appearance just because they are the bad guy is hypocritical to the whole body positivity movement that most of you people are praising with your second breath. Adam Driver is an incredible actor, you know why I say that? Because if he wasn’t such a good actor then we wouldn’t have the violent, deep rooted responses we have to Kylo Ren. Adam Driver doesn’t deserve the shit you people throw at him. And that’s fact.

And lastly….I really don’t like the Porgs. I don’t and I’m sorry. I now understand how my dad feels about the Ewoks, I get it. I mean they were cute like the first few times I saw them but then they just…got obnoxious? It was too much to the point that it got stale. My dad is really bothered by the fact that they are birds but they have fur and like honestly that doesn’t bother me. It’s just the noise they make, it pierces my very soul and I just…I’m sorry but the little furry penguins didn’t do it for me.

….I loved the Crystal Critters tho…

But the overuse of the Porgs brings me to my biggest issue with the general humor of the movie. A lot of it got repetitious and was just not funny to me. The movie never took the time to slow down and take a breath like previous films, it was just constantly go, go, go. Which meant at times the jokes butted up against serious moments in a way that just didn’t work for me. They seemed ill timed and just didn’t always land with me.

The hardest I laughed was when Rey threw the lightsaber to Kylo and he used it to kill the guard that was choking him out. I saw the movie twice and both times I fucking died laughing at that part. That was funny to me and it wasn’t supposed to be, which really tells you something about the humor of the film.

But yeah…so if you made it all the way to the end of my long ass complex dissection of the Last Jedi, congratulations. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything in more depth. I am happy to talk about anything as long as it’s respectful. If you didn’t agree with something I said here, let’s talk about it. Let’s just be civil about it mkay?

Thanks friends. Here’s hopping Episode IX is better.

#Use the Force #Star Wars #The Last Jedi #Star Wars Spoilers #The Last Jedi Spoilers #THIS IS MY OPINION

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kenrik · 7 years

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For those who anti-/rivamika...

Hi. (Because, I like procrastinating.)

I. My shipping history! When I was in college, I never would have dreamed shipping or even myself liking a guy 5 years older or younger than me. Yuck. Gross I thought it. Which is why the first time I encountered the ship (Community, Jeff x Annie), I cringed at myself because I thought it was weird for shipping a pair at least 10 years apart in age.

When I was 14, I shipped Sakura and Sasuke because they were perfect together. Cool guy. Sweet (albeit annoying) girl. Plus, they were in the same age group! And they’re so damn cute together. And Sasuke’s so hawt.

When I was 12, I shipped Sakuno and Ryoma because Sakuno was so sweet and docile. She is so perfect for the cool Ryoma.

Looking back, my biases really affected my choice of ships. I thought the cool guy should end up with the cute girl who is so obviously in love with him. Pretty telling of how I saw my gender, isn’t it? (Always protected by the strong guy. Always so in love and sacrificial. No own motivations, no own battles.) But damn, I was a starry-eyed girl. Sue me.

Then, as does everyone, we grow up. Saw the world. Met loads of people. (Both online and in person.) No one can really tell what makes a relationship. So, regardless of what you ship, it all boils down to personal preference. There is no need to beat the other down. I ship RivaMika because of the potential. (Like all my other ships and my non-existent love life... TMI!!!) hahaha!

II. How I started. a. EreMika Like mostly everyone else, I sailed the EreMika ship. (See my bias towards straight pairings!) It was the cutest thing seeing these kiddies together in the first episodes. Also, I shipped them because I wanted the girl to get what she wanted - the affection of Eren.

But gradually, as the story progressed - you have to ask, is that really what’s beneath Mikasa’s overprotective attitude over Eren? You know, amid Mikasa’s great strength, she’s still a kid. Immature and rash. It’s not obvious because as a soldier; she follows direct commands. So, these faults of her character are not that obvious. (It became blatantly evident when she had to act on her own in retrieving Eren from the Female Titan.)

b. Female Titan - Rivamika Entry. HOOKED. I only came to ship Levi and Mikasa following the events of the Female Titan encounter. Of all the rescue operations I’ve watched, this was the most incredible and badass. I instantly had to ship them because of how awesome they were together. (That was my initial thought. After re-watching/re-reading, I realize that Levi did most of the work...) III. My misunderstandings. a. Levi and Mikasa's characters. i. How Levi really is. Levi is not an abusive maniac. He does not like beating up children. (He does have a hard hand - but that’s a crutch he got for living most of his life in the depths of the underground hell which threatened to kill every ounce of humanity in him.)

This character has an incredible backstory. (Just like everyone in this remarkably created universe.) But, his is sadder. He never had a moment of happiness. And that instant, that second he did, it was snatched away from him so easily, so quickly. All his life he’s been surrounded by people who couldn’t care any less about those around them. So, don’t you think it’s remarkable that this man who exudes the overused stereotype of “I don’t give a rat’s ass.”, keeps the patches of his fallen comrades? Helped Mikasa save Eren. (Other than helping Mikasa, he did it so willingly because Eren was a part of his squad. He wouldn’t hold back to rescue whatever tinge was left of them.)

It’s incredible that, with what little this man has, with all that he’s lost (and I’m crying just thinking about how a man who never had anything could lose so much), he continues to fight for humanity.

So, that’s how Levi really is. He’s a tough guy, no doubt. But those that matter - the traits that count, they’re in him a hundredfold. And this is why I admire his character so much. All the humanity that Erwin and the other’s have lost. Levi gained. It’s a remarkable contrast, isn’t it? I will cry an ocean’s fill the day they kill off Levi. (I say when because I believe they really will.) ii. How Mikasa really is. Regardless of how much we admire this child, she is what she is - a kid. “Gaki.” as Levi so lovingly puts it.

She is strong, filled with incomprehensible potential. But, she is immature and rash. She lets her emotions get in the way of her duties. (But as you continue into the plot, you see how she’s developed. She’s more toned down. She is able to distance herself from Eren.)

But, if you were to rate Mikasa to Levi. Mikasa does not even compare. Mikasa is heartless when it comes to those who are not Eren and Armin. Especially in the first season/first arc of the manga. Remember - she had the gall to blame Levi for Eren’s taking during their chase for the Female Titan.

“If you did your job, Eren would be safe.” She says something like this with so much spite and loathing - to a man who just fucking lost his entire squad in the most horrendous of ways. This is a man who immediately locked up his own remorse, his own feelings of guilt, to get on with the next goal: Save Eren.

SO. IDK WHAT THE FUCK YOU SHITS ARE SAYING. I’ve tried locking up feelings before. And trust me, that is not a good practice. SO. Who the hell could fucking understand what’s going through Levi’s head? He doesn’t seem to have a confidant. Nor does he seem to be looking for one.

Mikasa has Eren and Armin. The 104th. She practically had and has a family. She’s been surrounded by love her entire life. So, to blame Levi. To injure him.

I gravely think we fans aren’t giving Mikasa the shitloads worth of how horrible she’s been to Levi. From promising to beat him up after what he’s done to Eren during the latter’s trial. To blaming the bereaved man for losing Eren. Those may be two incidents. But, both were crucial to Eren’s well-being. Plus, taking into account that in the first parts of the anime/manga - Levi and Mikasa had little to no interactions to begin with.

I love Mikasa’s development in the manga. But, considering the fact that Levi saved her ass from getting killed by the Female Titan. That he saved her fricking boyfriend/brother loads of times. That he continues to respect her and mentor her. LEVI is obviously the better character. So, no, in the Rivamika ship, you are not allowed to say Levi is the lucky one. Mikasa is the fortunate one; that Levi understands where her anger/rage came from and is able to move past it.

b. Rivamika. When you have a wrong understanding of the characters, you tend to have a wrong understanding of the ship as well. Initially, I thought Levi was uncaring. I thought Mikasa was cool and just incredible. I thought Levi would beat Mikasa up - hence my previous fanfics. But damn was I mistaken.

In the anime, there seems to be zero Rivamika. That’s because it’ll happen in the later arcs. But its there more or less.

Also. The damn art in the anime (first season) is incomparable to the manga. In the 1st season anime, Levi has a baby-bod. Which is... effin not his dang body. In the manga (as seen above), he’s basically a muscular man. They fixed this in season 2. (Yes!) And in the manga, Mikasa looks younger, less mature than her anime version. --- So if there needs to be a Rivamika image that pops into mind, keep in mind the one on top of this post.

IV. Rivamika (see: appreciation post)

V. Conclusion: Why I Rivamika. a. Potential i. Caring Levi and a maturing Mikasa I just adore Levi. And I love Mikasa.

Since I adore Levi - I want him to be happy. I want him to lead a life that has been contrary to what he’s been through his entire life. I want him to gain rather than lose. I want him to live for someone, to fight for someone special to him. I want him to stop seeing himself as an instrument for humanity’s survival. After all, if you’re not fighting for something concrete - then why the hell are you fighting? (Right, Jean? LOL.) I have a penchant for sad characters, for the ‘bad’ characters. I believe they are misunderstood; that they aren’t given the development they need.

But Levi has everything good in him. So, why shouldn’t he be happy? (This is why I ship him with everyone. LOL.)

Mikasa, I love. She is just incredible. And, most compatible to Levi. She’s uber powerful. She is most likely to understand Levi. (Remember - Levi has no confidant. I doubt Levi/Erwin/Hange talk about their feelings.... They’re people who get the job done after all. So, no need for the mushy stuff.) But as she is, I think the best bet for her to shed off her feelings for Eren and have her affections swayed by someone else is - maturity and distance.

In the manga, we already see her development. She’s become Levi’s right hand. She back-ups the man. And she understands him.

I don’t like thinking my ship as “here’s a Levi.” and “here’s a Mikasa.” now fall in love sort. The way I think Levi will fall in love with Mikasa is companionship and understanding. Tea time talks maybe. Being there when he needs a helping hand. Levi as he is, is and has never been in search of romance. Levi is a simple man with zero input on the topic. He only has this vague idea of love and family in the corner of his mind. Something he doesn't think about because for him, it isn't necessary. It isn't what's in front of him. That being said, I think he's one that could grow affection quietly and be satisfied with this alone. He yearns for nothing, he wants for nothing after all. Heck, the man isn’t in search of a friend even. He’ll grow the affection for certain. But, Rivamika sailing will all be in Mikasa’s wheelhouse.

And, I think Mikasa will fall for Levi once she freaking matures. I say mature because we can hold it as a fact that she already understands Levi in the manga. So, she needs to mature to shed her old feelings. We slowly see this in Eren and Jean’s brawl, where she just lets them fight. (Good times, good times.) Mikasa will fall for Levi only when she realizes how much he’s done for her, for everyone. She’ll fall in love with him after she realizes how much there is to admire in him, after she reassesses what it means to fall in love with another.

I don’t understand how this will work in canon. But just imagine the possibilities. One headcanon is - they embark to unknown territory. The protagonists are in separate teams. I see Armin in HQ, dealing with military strategy. I see Mikasa training her own squad. I see Levi and Eren joining the frontlines. (This is where the distance I mentioned could develop. - Mikasa can grow, reassess her feelings.) (But crap, I think she’ll only end up missing Eren... :( )

(Speaking about Eren. I don’t think he’ll fall in love with Mikasa. From his character - he obviously isn’t looking for one. And second, he never seemed to be attracted to Mikasa at any point of their relationship. He always saw her as a friend, an unwanted nuisance at times. Annie, I’m pretty sure he fancied at one point or the other. - This works with Rivamika because it gives me room to believe that Mikasa will have to move on.) (But then again, you can never be certain. He could come out one day saying, “Of course I love you. I always have.” I think his relationship with Mikasa opens this door to a frank and casual confession. :O )

ii. The Indefeasible Ackermans The Ackerman line will certainly continue. It’s impossible to think those genes will be lost to humanity forever. One of the two (assuming there are no others) will procreate with someone. So, why not just put them together?

(Kidding aside.)

I say potential because of the inherent capabilities of these characters. The trajectory of their stories will reach heights unknown. They’ll be doing remarkable feats, journeys, battles. They will save humanity. The thought of their finding love through all it is so damn romantic, I can’t even begin to describe it. It will just be so incredible and heart-wrenching. (To find love in a hopeless place. HA......... ha. Sorry.)

b. Biases i. How I appreciate my gender. It’s easy to pinpoint flaws in depictions of your gender. So in my ships, I quickly take note of this. I love how in obvious ships (EreAnnie, RivaMika), the women are equally or even stronger.

I love how confident the men are in their own abilities. That Levi doesn’t give a rat’s ass about his height. That the men’s frustration with getting stronger doesn’t stem from jealousy towards their female counterparts, but the struggle to win a life-long battle.

When I was younger, it’s so obvious that I liked the girls in my ships to be the under in more ways than one. Although I wanted them to develop, they were never allowed to grow more than their male counterpart. In Rivamika, Mikasa could so easily surpass Levi any day now. I also like the fact that Levi is shorter than Mikasa. That’s how you know a man is confident - that he doesn’t mind living up to such an incredible partner.

(Oh yea, look! For the first time, it’s the man who sacrifices his time and effort for the woman’s sake.) Love RivaMika so gosh darn much.

ii. What I look for in a relationship. EQUALITY AND RESPECT. (including attraction, love, admiration, trust... all that jazz of course.) You get this in Rivamika if appreciated properly.

All points taken, Rivamika is awesome. If you don’t think so, it doesn’t matter. Just make sure to ship and let ship. If a ship doesn’t suit your taste, look the other way. Don’t be immature and show us how much time you can afford to waste by ranting about a pairing you hate. (And like that, I just wasted a butt load of time... oh no.)

END.

#rivamika #levi x mikasa #anti rivamika #anti #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #ackerlove #ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #meta

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Longest post ever. Keep Scrolling! Look away!

About my brother leaving. Now there are two sides to it. One is how he is so young & he will move so far away & has to take care of everything. He has to study first of all, which is the main thing. And this in itself is a whole new experience. Starting university & facing all the pressure & tight schedule & deadlines that come with it. And to top that all, he will move to a new country. An entirely new place he has never been to & one which is very very very different from the country where he was born & raised & literally spent entire 18 years of his life in. Now whether this is the lifestyle & culture & religion we are talking about, or just the weather. You name it, & it's something different he has to face. Let's go back to studies. The ‘studies’ part, is totally acceptable! I mean it's his responsibility. No one will or is expected to do it or help him with it. This is totally on him. He has to figure it out himself. If he needs help, he needs to look for it. If he has a problem he needs to find a way out, or deal with it. The idea of having an elder sibling or family to help you with your studies, i believe, is totally absurd when someone is moving to university. At school, it might be ok but when someone is starting uni, cmon, I think it's time to stop already. Let them grow up on their own. You can't be wiping their ass for them their entire life. Not to mention, everyone has their own share of responsibilities, their own affairs to handle. Everyone of us are struggling everyday, to build our futures. And NO. This is not selfish. This is our responsibility towards ourselves. We owe this to ourselves, and no, you are not in any way, supposed to expect anyone to actually help you deal with your responsibilities in life. So with you share of duties, is it really selfish to focus on your affairs & prioritize them? & also what good will you be really doing by helping someone? How much of someone else's responsibilities can you own? There will come a point where you’ll have to leave them on their own except that now you've already spoiled them and they'll be more lost than ever. So yeah, plus i'm not even studying engineering so anyways i couldn't do much or anything at all but even if i could have, i really never liked the whole concept of doing it in ‘uni’. I have such a strong opinion about it seeing my cousins and other people. Meaning, it's not just me randomly thinking about it and commenting but i rather did always have such an opinion about this matter. So yeah that's the only ‘okay’ thing! From now, things are changing. Now, let's talk about the end of everyday! When he comes ‘home’/ dorm room. He doesn't come home to anyone. Whether it is your siblings being lame and stupid, or your parents being in a fight, or some really good day where everyone's happy and laughing - you're not getting any of it. Is anyone bringing you food? Cooking for you exactly what you eat? No. When are you going to bed? No one cares other than you. Who’s making sure you wake up and don't miss class in the morning? Who’s making you breakfast? Filling your water flask? You buy your food if you have time before class. Such a good day, just 3 classes and you're home by 11. Who do you go home to? Yourself. Weekends? .. Nvm But we are only trying to provide the best future for him. And i can NOT disagree to this at all. Not even for a second. Since almost a year, my dad & my mom has thought of everything & every tiny thing that we will need for him. Whether it is the fact that winter clothes are sold in shops during winter and winter in ksa was 6 months ago, so keeping that in mind and shopping for him things which is just too hard to get in the shops right now cause it's totally summer rn over here! Or whether it is something more serious like meeting all the different formalities to apply for a visa. And shopping for him all these months. Making lists of everything he might need. Things like plate, glass, things like rugs, things like brush, toothpaste, things like pillows, bed sheet, things like laundry basket, warm gloves, things like rain coat. Like you name it, and it somehow is something he actually needs. Also, we are so concerned about providing him the best. I think all my life, a part of shopping included looking at the price tag and seeing if its a good bargain. But now, suddenly thats not done anymore. Anything he touches (which is very little btw) & anything we choose for him (which is like every single thing we see), its just getting the best for him. Its like theres this thing in our heads. Like this is it. My brother hardly gets anything for himself. He is kind of different. So we are just getting him all these stuff because once he goes there, he might not get it for himself. And even if he does, us getting something for him now will be the last time we are doing so. Cause from now on he'll do his stuff himself. So like i was saying. We are only trying to provide the best future for him. And i can NOT disagree to this at all. Not even for a second. And this is a stage that comes in everyone's life & we can not and should not run from it. This is the right thing to do in my brother’s case. Everything till now has gone so smoothly Alhamdulillah. But it still doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Especially when i think of my mom. I get the whole idea of how it's the hardest on the moms. In fact i have even witnessed many moms crying & breaking when their kids had to leave and all. But. This is different. I am talking about ‘my mom’. I respect all mother’s love, i do. But about my mom; unless you live under the same roof as her, you will find it impossible to believe how much of her heart & soul & energy she invests on our family. For which, I will be forever grateful & will consider myself blessed. I will never be able to start and finish talking about her but let me mention some interesting stuff! Let's start with me! So im 21. And i don't do my laundry (none of it at all), i don't vacuum (the house or even just my room), I don't iron my clothes (never did), I don't clean the dishes (not even my own plate or glass or water flask), I don't clean my room (the furnitures & stuff) & interestingly, i don't even know how to make tea or coffee (unless it's those sachets you get, but i just use them at uni). TADA - Mom does all of that for me. I don't remember the last time i did ‘any’ of the things i mentioned. I can't say i never did any of them though, but it was only for one of the 2 reasons: 1. I was younger and mom got angry with me maybe & she’d punish me by making me do it OR 2. I voluntarily offered maybe cause it was vacation and i wasn't lazy & stuff (btw this vacation, i'm totally lazy, i never offered or did anything) So like i said, i don't remember the last time i did any of it. Infact, to TOP ALL THAT, mom makes sure of all my ‘excess’ needs too. She pays so much importance to them. Like, my diet. Diet - meaning the food i eat. Now regardless of whether im trying to lose weight or not, i totally dont like asian food, more specifically, all the daily food cooked in a bengali household. I dont like ‘curries’. I prefer ‘dry’ food. It doesnt matter what it is. Chicken, beef or veggie. If its a ‘curry’, im not putting it in my mouth. Curry meaning the whole making it liquidy with all masala & stuff. And i ‘especially’ hate chicken curry. I also dont honestly remember the last time i ate it. And i am NOT exaggerating but i stopped eating it like way back in grade 11 or 12. By chicken curry, i mean the MOST REGULAR meal in almost every bengali household, more like an EVERYDAY meal especially for the kids. And it works for my bros too lol. But no way on hell im eating it. The reason is, this is one food ive been eating since i learned to ear and then after around a pretty 13 to 14 years of eating chicken curry i had to say NO one fine day xD xD Ok now i have 2 phases: one is the normal daily phase where unis going on and i'm stressed and all i eat is junk food, or maybe something not junk but has to be all delicious or maybe sometimes i'll consider eating healthy and want some classy salad and stuff. Mom always has to prepare a different meal or me. Then she has to prepare something else for her and dad too cause chicken is kids stuff and also mom does not eat chicken at all if she is the one who cooked it so yeah. And then there's chicken for my bros xD On top of that, when im in the other phase where im trying to lose weight - Oh god. The whole menu of food changes. All green veggies and salads and stuff. All grilled chicken, grilled fish, grilled beef. She does all of that. Also. she THEN ‘decorates’ my food cause she knows i love taking pictures of my food. She decorates my food. She makes sure I like the plate on which she is serving the food; whether the plate will look good in the picture. She makes sure I get to take a perfect picture. If she gets confused about how to decorate something, she'll tell me to do it and ask me what i need. I mean man, who does that to a 21 year old???? I know i am spoiled! Now ^ i got carried away! All that is a small gesture of what my mom does for ‘me’. And i'm like her eldest kid. Like she actually thinks i can take care of myself ‘more than my brothers can’ Yeah do you see where i'm going with this? You can not imagine HOW much more she does for my bros, like ‘woahhhh’👌 I’ll just give one example for each bro. My elder bro - he never actually had to open his closet and decide on which dress to wear till now in his life!!!!! Yesss!!!!! Mom even takes out his clothes. Clothes. Every garment :):):) and keeps it ready for him to wear every time he showers, or changes, or goes outside :) and that's the one who’s already 18 and moving soon! And my younger bro - well he is kinda different. Like he is all concerned about his looks and he demands on choosing his own clothes from his closet and wearing them xD xD but then mom still feeds him lunch and dinner most of the day and he is almost 14 :):):) So yes. Idk how my mom is going to handle it. But what i know is that she is such a brave and strong and intelligent and amazing woman mashAllah. She is so hard-working & she puts aside all her sickness and pain & prioritises our needs, and our wants, even if theyre really stupid. And she means the world to me. And she is my number 1 person. And I can give up anything for her. Words cannot express how much she means to me. I once had to stay a night away from her during the 1st week of my uni in 1st year of med school. That was the night I actually realized how important she was to me. I was away from her and due to some circumstance I couldn't communicate with her. That whole night, i lied in bed crying & asking Allah to let me meet my mom in my dreams as I fall asleep now… Idk if I ever told that to anyone before, but yeah here it is. Ahhhh. God!!!!! Such a huge post wth man )@+%;’!(%)#!%(£))@!%!%) but Ughhhh I just needed to get it all out of my system! Hmphhh

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tricialucido-blog · 6 years

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Kaufman and Kristoff’s “The Illuminae Files” pt. I

Hi there! This is my first attempt at blogging about books I’ve read for leisure. I was inspired greatly by the bookstagram and booktube communities in Instagram and YouTube, respectively, and while I enjoy seeing content from both platforms, I feel like there’s something else I want to see from book bloggers that’s currently not present in the content trend today. I’ve seen a few bloggers here and there whose content I really liked (a personal favorite is booktuber @LilyCReads), but I guess it’s high time I shared my personal sentiments and commentaries myself. I still don’t know where I want to take this, but starting somewhere is better than nothing amirite. Anyway, here goes.

Note: This is a spoiler-free review. Part II, which I will link here as soon as I’ve posted it, will most likely be full of spoilers because I will talk about the key themes and important quotes from the books. Beware and proceed with caution! :-)

Title: The Illuminae Files (trilogy); Illuminae (Book 1), Gemina (Book 2), and Obsidio (Book 3)

Authors: Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Genre: science fiction, military space opera, epistolary

Rating: 5/5 stars

Story Time! ✨

Before I dive right into the books, let me tell you guys a bit of a backstory. I’ve always enjoyed science fiction, especially space opera (a close contender is steampunk). Mind you, though, I wasn’t really part of the Star Wars crowd (I was more of a Harry Potter pre-teen) as I was growing up, so I can’t really point to the franchise as the origin of my interest. No, I’d say I started getting interested in the science part before I discovered that it could be fused with fiction. I loved encyclopedias and the annual almanacs when I was a kid, and up to this day it still baffles me a bit that I was that kind of kid before books and (eventually) the humanities dragged me into their fold. I was deeply fascinated by the heavenly bodies, and up until I realized I had acrophobia (fear of heights), I even wanted to be an astronaut. My venture into science fiction and its subgenres was a little less scholarly. I’m not ashamed to share that I fell in love with space opera through fan fiction, specifically an old X-Men fan fiction. That masterpiece really changed my reading experience.

It was my youngest sister, a bonafide bookstagram lurker, who introduced the Illuminae Files trilogy to me. All she said was, “It’s an epistolary. I think you’d like it,” and I was already purchasing the second book (she already bought the first one). This is where it gets kinda funny, because originally, I read Book 2 (Gemina) first before I picked up Book 1 again this summer. I read the words “...breaking up with her boyfriend” in the synopsis and I instantly got turned off haha! I easily dismissed Illuminae because I thought it was just another typical YA love story packaged differently (but ultimately still the same formula), and I was just so exhausted with the same old variations. For the record, I was wrong, okay. But anyway, my sister assured me that I wouldn’t miss much if I start withGemina (which, totally false) and that the spoilers were negligible (only because when I got “spoiled” in Gemina, I didn’t realize at the time the significance of what I found out ahead, and when I picked up Illuminae, I already forgot most of what happened in Gemina). [Story Time: End]

Now that story time is over, I just wanna point out that after typing this whole chunk of word vomit, I realized that I’m already so chatty and I haven’t even started on the books themselves! I swear, I’m only letting this run as long as this because it’s the first one, and I have a lot of behind-the-scenes anecdotes that I really want to share. I hope I don’t drive y’all away hahaha, so let’s just jump into the “review” part.

The Gist ✨

The year is 2575, half a millenium ahead of what constitutes as “today”. Human civilization has moved past the uncertainty of space explorations, of the search for the “second” Earth. Distant corners of the universe? Not so distant anymore. Space travel that spans light years? Now simply one “jump” away. For all the fancy technological advancements that humankind has achieved, they still aren’t beyond mass murder for the sake of money and resources. At least that’s what I gathered when megacorporation BeiTech Industries brutally massacred the citizens of a small far-flung colony called Kerenza IV, where there was a ongoing illegal mining of hermium, a precious resource in this universe. The trilogy revolves around the protagonists, victims and survivors of BeiTech’s brutal invasion, and their search for justice while fighting for their lives in the yawning emptiness of space. There are all sorts of characters within each book, including a Skynet AI, and all sorts of trouble as well.

Reactions 💖

Stylistics. As I’ve mentioned above, all three books are hashed out through a collection of files, chat logs, and video transcriptions to name a few. And duuuuuuude. Kaufman and Kristoff really did an incredible job with the lay-out of Illuminae Files--hats off to their entire team, there is no denying the genius behind their concept of what an epistolary is. It was exciting to dig into the books to examine every detail and every Easter egg that they left in each well-planned page. Although, I’ll be honest here, there were a few times that I really got confused and lost in the story--not in the sense that I was intensely absorbed with what was happening but rather, because there were a lot of details and clues to take in. It was easy to be overwhelmed by everything that was happening. Add the fact that there were events happening simultaneously, and were described in completely different media (this will make much more sense once you pick up the first book). I don’t consider it an entirely negative thing because the confusion really helped in blindsiding me from most of the major plot twists; in fact, I’d say I enjoyed the story more when my theories were debunked by the more awesome plot twists.

World-building and plot. Speaking of plot twists: the plot had some really well-placed surprises and shocks. I love that the romantic scenes were not distastefully added. In fact, instead of stealing the limelight from the major conflict as well as the science-and-technology “vibe” of the story, the romance further heightened the stakes that the protagonists were risking with every decision and plan they concoct.

The authors did not give us 600-pages of long-winding narratives (per book) and chunks of justified text divided into chapters--no. They gave their readers a feast of visual exercise and yet, using less words (than a standard 300-page novel) and hardly a clear-cut linear plot progression, they raised a lot of important questions that we could use some time to ponder on (more about these in Part II--beware of spoilers, though!). What I always look for in science fiction (and fantasy as well, for that matter) is a well-executed world-building. It doesn’t matter if the premise is unique if the author did not manage to back the novelty of their idea; sometimes, if the world-building is particularly lacking, it really puts me off from the plot itself. In the trilogy, it wasn’t a problem at all, which helped to make me more absorbed with all the adrenaline-infused twists upon twists in the story.

I also have to commend how well the authors incited reactions from their readers--at least in my reading experience. One particular conflict in Illuminae really gave me goosebumps and sent a chill down my spine (won’t elaborate haha you’ll know if you’ve read it!!). Ugh, remembering it as I type this has me shivering involuntarily again. Those were some real creepy scenes, I tell you.

Characters. Most of the protagonists (but not all) paired up in different points of the story, so it’s easy to view them as such: couples. I don’t think I hated any off the them, even with my initial avoidance in reading Illuminae because of Kady and Ezra’s established relationship; in fact, the romance between all of them turned out to be not overbearing at all. Having said that, I think it’s a great disservice to each character, especially the couples, to view them only within the confines of their relationship dynamics. Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff both did a great job in adding layers upon layers of character development of the protagonists; furthermore, they were not stingy in adding characters and giving them actual personalities, and even though at certain times the sheer amount of characters got really confusing, in the end I consider it a plus on their genius and detail-oriented world-building. These two did not hold back in conceptualizing and planning. They were good at deliberately leaving out certain information, that’s true, and they got me to believe that nothing was amiss--only to exclaim “oh shit…” when things finally fall into place.

On the other side of the spectrum, BeiTech’s foot soldiers were ruthless and machine-like, and performed well as villains; however, what I loved about Illuminae Files are the details that the authors added--seemingly inconsequential details that will make you pause for a bit and remember that these brutal murderers are just as human as the protagonists, that while it’s easy to view them as merely “BeiTech”, there are still individuals behind the uniforms and high-calibre assault weapons. These details will lead you to the thought that both villains and heroes experience the same spectrum of human emotions, and it is jarring and terrifying to be reminded that only a thin line divides the two “sides”.

Anyway, this is where I’ll end Part I.

Watch out for Part II soon, which I will link below as soon as I’ve posted it.

Wow. So that was a pretty intense word vomit. Apologies for being so chatty, and if you managed to read this until the very end, thank you so much! I’d love to know what your thoughts are, if you’ve read the trilogy or if you’re planning to), etc. Let me know if you liked this type of in-depth (read: intense and overboard) review or if you hated it haha! Leave a comment or hit my ask box and I’ll be happy to reply! Part II will be up soon. See you! <3

Photo credits:

Book covers | bumblebeerosee on Redbubble

Space | Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

Space (2) | Max McKinnon on Unsplash

#tricialucido #feature book review #illuminae files #amie kaufman #jay kristoff #science fiction #space opera #epistolary

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